#and it’s distracting me from feeling despair about work lol

[whentherewerebicycles]

yeah I know it looks a bit patchy lol parts of it are still wet!! I did so many touch-ups by hand I should’ve just done a second coat but whatever. I find hand-painting less annoying and messy than rolling anyway. we’ll see how it looks after it dries overnight—I’ve used a lighter version of this paint brand before and the next-day touch ups blended in really well, but I’m not sure if the darker color will dry the same way. anyway fingers crossed it all dries smoothly and I don’t have to buy more paint 🥴

more thoughts: the ugly tile looks significantly less offensive with the paint but it’s still… not my favorite, to say the least. one idea I had today was to try covering the most visible ones (on the wall facing the hallway) with those 12x12” ikea mirror squares you can stick to the wall. that would be a cheap, removable solution that would bring more light into the space… but then I was like um is it weird to have half a mirrored wall right next to the toilet lol. and also I’m not sure it really solves the issue since the brown tile wraps all the way around. so far I’ve considered:

peel and stick wallpaper or tile (expensive)

using fabric as wallpaper & adhering it to the wall with liquid starch or double sided tape

ikea mirrors

leaving it alone

honestly if I could just cover the strip of brown tile the other tile wouldn’t bother me! maybe like washi tape or ribbon of some kind??

but okay I’m gonna leave the tile for now. I think I’m zeroing in on the art I want to hang… currently leaning towards pieces with lighter backgrounds and some mix of vibrant pinks + more muted earthy goldenrod yellows as the dominant colors… maybe with paler pink or lighter teal/aqua mixed in as secondary accents in the rest of the decor? that would have nice continuity with the colors in the living room. once everything’s dry I’ll take a bunch of different colored objects in and hold them up against the wall to see how they look. could also see oranges-yellows-rust or terracotta reds too but bright pink and dark teal and golden yellow is such a happy palette to me. we shall see!!!

got my work tasks done for the day so the rest of the day is mine… I feel wiped out and headachey for some reason even though I slept okay. hoping very much that it’s my period approaching so we can get this show on the road. I know I’ll feel better if I spend an hour outside, cook real food, and put my phone away for a while. let’s say:

walk 3:30-4:30 in our little secret forest

make shakshuka + homemade pita bread

put my phone upstairs and finish cribsheet (it’ll probably take two hours)

I had good luck writing by hand last night… I wonder if reading over my notes from yesterday will spark some ideas. I’m trying to make writing feel deeply low-stakes, curious, exploratory right now… for some reason it’s just mostly not been “fun” since this summer and that makes me sad because when it is fun there’s nothing I’d rather be doing. so just trying to ease myself back into that space.

do adrienne’s bedtime yoga video before heading upstairs if I’m still feeling bleh

lights out by 10—for real this time!

[virescent-v]

Hello! As someone who struggled with a SH Addiction…as wild as it sounds. I was wondering if you could do Reader(Sh Addiciton) is clean but had urges again and is struggling to fight them with Emily helping them? It would help me as someone whose struggling rn lol

Siren Call

A/N: Hi lovie, I tried my best with this. I have struggled with depression since my teenage years, and suicide ideations throughout that time. To be transparent, I've never dealt with self-harm. I hope I managed to capture those feelings for you and do this justice.

To anyone reading this: Check the trigger warnings. Protect yourself. Please reach out if you're struggling. You're not alone and the world is better with you in it. <3

SAMHSA's National Hotline: 1-800-662- 4357, or text your zip code to 435748 for help near you.

Warnings: Mentions of self-harm/cutting, mentions of razors. It's not very graphic imo, but again, protect yourself if these are not things you feel okay reading.

Word Count: 1.4k

It was a rollercoaster of emotion flowing through you. Ups and downs and turns that you could hardly keep up with. Numbness, but at the same time, a devastating whirlwind of thought. You weren’t sure how you could feel so empty but so full of emotion at one time, but you were. 

The depression was not new, a thing carried along with you every day from your adolescence, like a shadow or a tumor. Always there, sometimes bothersome, sometimes silent, and just waiting for a moment to shatter any progress you’ve made.  

Everyone you’ve talked to has dealt with their mental health differently; therapy, medications, denial. And, sometimes, those did work for you. You met with your therapist once a week (less, if you couldn’t afford it), you were on your third antidepressant, and you tried so hard to ignore how your mind betrayed you. 

The one thing that was consistent, that always helped with the emotions coursing through you, was physically releasing them. 

The first time you cut yourself, you were sixteen. You’d only learned about it from the darker corners of the internet, a place you shouldn’t have been. Too young, too impressionable. But, the first slice of the razor against the skin of your thigh felt good. As the skin tore apart from itself, as the blood oozed from the wound, all of your negative feelings went too. 

With each drop of blood, you felt the freedom from doubt, worry, anger, sadness. Each cut brought a feeling of euphoria, the dopamine replacing all of the emotions that were burying you. 

It was a habit that continued throughout your teenage years, and even early twenties. When the destructive thoughts got too much, the razor was there to bring color back into your life. But, as you got older, you got smarter, more diligent in the way those terrible thoughts would creep into your mind, suffocating the joy from you. You learned better coping mechanisms, learned how to manage the craving of the sharpness of a blade against your fragile skin. 

But still, the release would call to you, a siren of a dreadful sea you did not want to be a voyager on. 

On such nights, when the waves of despair rocked you too roughly, your girlfriend Emily was usually there to distract you, a life preserver to stop you from drowning. 

Unfortunately, Emily wasn’t always there. Her job was demanding, important, much more important than your broken brain. Which made tonight, a particularly rough night, hard for you. 

Everything seemed to be weighing down on you, going wrong, unavoidable mishap after mishap. The shadows seemed to wrap themselves around your brain, spindly fingers digging their claws in with no sign of letting go.

The siren call beckoned, a melodious tune that pulled you in, easing the racing thoughts in your mind. 

You stood in front of your bathroom mirror, the reflection in front of you hardly recognizable. Your skin pallor, dry, dark under your eyes. You licked around your chapped lips, feeling the fuzziness of your unbrushed teeth. Your clothes hung off of your body, loose from multiple days of wear. Unkempt hair, a tangled mess atop your head. You looked as rough as you felt, the lack of sleep and self-care exacerbating your inner turmoil. 

Taking a shaky breath, you looked down at your hands, the newly purchased razor blade sitting in the box. Pretty, new, waiting for use. You imagined the shine of the blade against your skin, how the silver would contrast the uneven, blotchy shade of you. How the deep red hemoglobin would look, how it would bring color back to you. 

The call got louder. 

As you were about to tear open the box, a single word, a single thought, broke through the haze of your mind. 

Emily. 

The cacophony of noise halted. You knew that she wouldn’t be disappointed. She’s the only one who ever really understood this habit, this… addiction. Understood how the silence and the noise bantered back and forth in a way that was sensory overload, how sometimes the only way to get it to stop was to cut. To feel something else. 

While she wouldn’t be disappointed, you could imagine the look on her face, how her eyes would hold all of her thoughts. She’d get you through it, she always has, but sometimes her looks haunted you more than your own thoughts did. 

Instead, you picked up the phone. 

It rang twice; she never sent you to voicemail unless she absolutely could not answer. 

“Baby?” She whispered. You’d woken her up. “Everything okay?” 

You tried to talk. The air was trapped in your lungs, the only noise escaping you a hollow breath, a crushed whimper. 

You could hear Emily sit up in bed, the click of a lamp. “Love? Answer me.” Her voice was more alert, commanding, an edge of fear. 

You swallowed hard. Your breath coming quicker, everything threatening to rush out of you. “Em,” another shaky whimper, a plea. 

“Take a breath for me, sweetheart. You’re okay. I’m right here.” You could hear the rustling of clothes being pulled on. 

The box in your hands rattled as it fumbled onto the bathroom sink, your trembling hands unable to hold it. Another thing you couldn’t do your mind hissed at you. 

“I can’t - can’t ma-make it s-stop.” You forced the words out, stumbling them into each breath you inhaled. 

“I’m coming, baby. Stay on the phone with me. You’re okay.” A car door slammed, the engine roaring to life. A siren. 

“Listen to me. I’ll be right there. Listen to my voice.” Emily continued to talk, walking you through the case she was working on. How the weather was. Her favorite movie. Nonsensical ramblings to keep you focused on her. You’d grunt occasionally in response, a way to ensure her you were still listening, still there. 

Your vision tunneled, black around the edges, as your grip on the sink tightened. You could feel the rush of blood through your body in your ears, your limbs starting to tingle as the  numbness started. 

You weren’t sure how much time had passed before you heard the front door slam, hasty footsteps through the hallway. A hand covering yours. 

Emily turned your body towards hers, her hands cupping your cheeks, trying to bring your eyes to hers. 

You felt paralyzed, stuck in a mud so thick and deep you couldn’t move. You tried to focus on Emily’s voice, the rubbing of her thumbs across your cheekbones. You tried to blink, tried to get your eyes to focus. 

Noticing that she wasn’t getting through to you, Emily wrapped you in the tightest hug she could, squeezing you as hard as her arms could handle. A way to help calm down your overactive nervous system, as if she was trying to transfer your energy to her. 

Eventually the shaking calmed down, the pins and needles in your limbs still pushing and pulling, beating to the accelerated pace of your heart. You were finally able to look at Emily, her eyes shining in worry, but also protectiveness. A lighthouse in a stormy sea. 

She tucked your hair behind your ear, checking over your body for signs of harm. Finding none, seeing the unopened box on the counter, she breathed a sigh of relief. “Let's go lay down, love.” 

She all but dragged you to bed, shoving you under the covers before turning off the overhead light. She walked back into the bathroom, presumably to get rid of the box of razors. 

Your eyes remained closed the entire time, listening to her fiddle around with things in your bedroom, the sound of her jeans hitting the carpeted floor before she joined you in bed. Her strong, warm arms wrapped around you, pulling you close to her, your head on her chest. 

Her hands traversed your body, as if taking note of each inch of your scarred, but intact skin. She paid extra attention to your previous cuts, the scars healed and raised and pink, a testament of your ability to withstand. Each line a reminder that you made it. That while the emotion swelled over you, overtook you, that you came out on the other side stronger. 

“Sleep, love. I’ll be here. We can talk about it in the morning.” 

All at once, exhaustion engulfed you. You settled more into Emily, breathing in her perfume, realizing at once that she was your saving grace, your protector. You were capable of overcoming anything with her at your side. 

Slowly, as you started to drift off to sleep, the blacks and grays of the shadows disappeared, replaced by a kaleidoscope of colors. Emily’s steady heart lulled you into a sense of comfort. In her arms, the noises and silence settled, the siren call faded into a calming ebb and flow of waves. What was once a tumultuous, dark and violent sea became a mellow, sparkling tide. With Emily, you were home and you were safe from the shadows that haunted you.

[sebille]

your post about the wol feeling so incredibly isolated after being so seen by one person and one person only in zenos and the guilt that it brings is just [slams my fists on the table] YESSS!!! bc honestly my wol is on the same boat. i've been so so struggling to write about just how deep the loneliness gets to him personally bc it's such a bone-deep *thing*. journeying to tural is hardly a bandaid fix bc it hardly, if at all, addressed anything that the wol went through at the end with zenos. and the ending for ew was nigh unbearable for me bc we just LEFT HIM THERE and i was in absolute SHAMBLES

and yeah. how the hell do you explain to your colleagues that you're in love with the man that instigated in from the cold. the wolzenos ship has more layers than an onion could feasibly have and i love it so much to the point that it just haunts me, and i'm so glad to see other people are with me on this!

( You can really tell that I just LOVE angst by the way I go about things for Ayla and her story, lol. )

Tural kind of makes things ...a lot worse for Ayla, because everyone around her is happy to explore and to meet new people and she quickly comes to realize that it's kind of the exact opposite of what she needs rn? Suddenly she's allowed time to think about how she feels and to really STEW in her own guilt ,shame and loss. (and....fire and faith. I mean what. coughs. ) Which....kind of sucks? Majorly? It's fucking awful. She feels isolated because she's surrounded by people she does not know or even care about (not counting the scions, of course.) , and since she's got no real....goal this time around other than to just HANG AROUND she's really just having the worst time she could ever have. Like, the best thing to do would either have been to just lock her into a room w a therapist and have her talk and talk and talk until there's nothing left to talk about, or throw her at yet another world-ending threat. Something to distract her or force her to deal with her feelings, because pretending to be happy and adventurous IS NOT WORKING.

BUT don't forget that she'd also feel SUPER bad about feeling this bad, because mr big Z-man (the man, the myth, the source of her troubles, the legend. ) believed her to be ABOVE feelings of despair. [Ayla does a 1000-yard stare.] "help"

Because you're totally right! Even if it wasn't by choice we did just leave him to rot. After he saved the wol. Ayla thinks about that every day. And night. And like of course it would show that the wol is depressed, and not doing too well, but how the hell do you even START to unpack and explain those feelings to the rest of the gang? lol. lmao even.

[pigeontheoneandonly]

All of your WIPs sound so interesting, but I think I'm most intrigued by Shallow Graves. Anything you'd like to share about it?

Oooo thank you! This is probably my favorite project lol

Shallow Graves is my "Pathfinder Fan Novel" featuring original characters in the Pathfinder TTRPG Golarion setting. (Though I've been flirting more and more with the idea of turning it into an original novel in the second draft...)

Shallow Graves is about a group of very old friends who completely fell apart when a member of the group was murdered ten years prior to the events of the story, on a zany adventure to settle old business, find closure, and try to move on.

It actually started out as a thought experiment on my part, wondering if I could write a revenge story and a fridge story that turned both those archetypes on their heads. So far I'm pretty pleased with the result.

Anyway, as the story progresses, they unearth a lot of rotting baggage. The below excerpt is a piece of that.

* * *

Gem scampered ahead of him and turned around, forcing him to address her.  “You’ve always treated that bow like a grudge but it’s clear someone taught you to use it well.  Since you seem determined to be relentlessly honest—let’s have it at last, shall we?”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“Not a chance.”  She poked him. 

He rolled his eyes.  “I was a terrible druid.  Druid initiate.  Whatever.  That’s really all there is to it.”

“That explains nothing.”

He made an exasperated noise.  “Look, it was the only thing I was any good at, ok?  My uncle made a bow for me.  My mother thought it was a distraction, tempting me away from her incessant curriculum of forcing me—”  Kel raked his fingers backwards through his hair.  “It doesn’t matter.”

“If it didn’t matter, you’d be able to tell me what happened.”  Her amusement had faded entirely, which was a bad sign.  When she got concerned her curiosity hardened into steel point.

Probably best just to spit it out and move on.  “One day, she got so frustrated she stole it and turned it back into a living branch.  Leaves, flowers, green wood, bark, all of it.  Impossible to use as a bow.  Then she told she wasn’t fixing it, and if I ever wanted to use it again, I’d have to figure out how to do it myself.”

“What a bitch.  What did she make you do to relent?”

“It’s never been clearer you’ve never met her.  She’d never go back on a threat.” 

“So you never did get it back.” “No, I figured it out.”

Gem blinked.  “What?  Kel, on a good day, if you sit very, very still, you can conjure half a spark.”

“It took me six months of spending nearly every waking hour trying.  I’m certain I couldn’t do it again if my life depended on it.”  It had been the strangest feeling.  All of sudden, he could see the branch as an imprint on the universe, something outside of time, existing in all stages of its life, and it had seemed so damn simple to shift it into the one he wanted.  Just for a single, hallucinatory second.  And then it was only a piece of wood again, lifeless and still.  “My mother was…”

“Happy, I imagine.”

“Happy.”  He laughed.  It wasn’t funny.  “She was overjoyed.  She’d never praised me like that… I spent half my life trying to please that woman, and for the first time…”

There wasn’t a but at the end of her sentence, no forced acknowledgements or despair-tinged false encouragements.  No biting criticism.  No complaints of his laziness or contrariness.  Just shear, unadulterated, lavish pride.  And he hated himself for how he’d basked in it.  Exhausted, yes, but that only led an extra edge of exhilaration for finally having the unconditional approval of his mother. 

She’d even hugged him to her, arm around his shoulders, squealing quietly over the quality of the work, the completeness of the transformation, how she always knew he could do it. 

His mother went as far as telling him it was the happiest day of her life, and for just a second, it had been his, too.

Gem interrupted his thoughts, hesitantly.  “Nobody avoids a happy memory.  What happened?”

He cleared his throat.  “She told me it was the happiest moment of her life.  Then she broke it over the back of a chair.”

“What?!”  That explosion of shock, from Gem of all people, underlined in red why he never told people stories about his mother.  “I don’t—it was what she asked?  I don’t understand.  She wanted to punish you further?  For—for liking something?”

“No, you don’t understand,” he replied, wearily.  ��It wasn’t a punishment.”

It hadn’t felt real. He stared at the jagged ends of the once-proud recurve, as if expecting them to come back together, like it was some sick fever dream brought on by too much kindness. 

“How—”

“It wasn’t a punishment,” Kel repeated, louder, overruling her questions.  “Like you said, she was happy.  I didn’t need it anymore, she told me.  It was a great day.  Now I could truly be her apprentice, I’d have druid magic, and wouldn’t require a silly toy to protect myself.  I’d graduated.  And she was so proud of me, she wanted us to celebrate and she was in the middle of planning some kind of dinner when I walked out.”

He hadn’t said a word.  In truth, his mind had gone entirely empty with some feeling that to this day he couldn’t name.  A cousin to resignation, but the kind that only came after a long and bloody struggle.  The kind born of knowing, once and for all, that you’d never been more than a thing to anyone.  Just an empty vessel.  And if they had to tip it over onto the floor to get it that way, so they could fill it up with what they preferred, well, that was a small price apparently.

It hadn’t worn off until he was five days gone.  And then he’d had a breakdown unrivaled even by more recent events.  Sixty years old.  Just a gangly kid.

Gem sat back with a sigh of sudden understanding.  “That’s why you left.”

“That’s why I left,” he affirmed, dully.  Then he stepped around her and resumed walking.  “We should keep moving.”

[originaldanganronpascenarios]

Heya! Hope I'm doing this all right. I read over the rules a couple times, but please let me know if I did anything wrong.

Can I request Tojoshi angst? Of any kind? Just the most intense angst you can possibly think of?

I understand if you can't/don't want to do this one.

Have a good day/night!

It was pretty hard to think of something, and as much as I LOVE angst I decided for it to not be something heavy.

Also JAJSJS I am so sorry for not doing it sooner and stuff but I just DIDN'T expect to get so many requests when I put on that bday event and also I ended up just getting distracted with so many things I ended up kinda forgetting to write lol

Ryoma breaking up with Kirumi

Au: Non-despair (ult dev plan setting)

Ever since Kirumi confessed her feelings, he just couldn't get it. Why him? There are tons of people she interacts with on daily basis. He never even looked for excuses to spend time with her (even though he also was crushing hard on her). And yet... there she was.

She was perfect. The most caring and thoughtful person. She knew what he wanted, what he needed before he was even aware of that.

And what does he bring into the relationship? What does he do to make Kirumi happy? That's right, not much if anything.

He knew that it couldn't continue. His future was doomed anyways, so why should he waste her time? He rathers for her to go through a heartbreak of breakup than one of separation due to him going to prison the second he graduates.

He didn't want to mistreat her, but at the same time he didn't want her to miss him. So he came back to how he used to act around her before they got together.

He had to ruin it on his terms. And he was blunt as he could be when he broke things off...

What made him feel guilty was her understanding response. She had a feeling it's come to this...

She wanted to make it work. She wanted to see him happy, she wanted to give it a try. But if he wouldn't be happy in their relationship then she's willing to separate herself from him on his request.

Kirumi isn't the kind of woman to give up so easily, but at the same time she won't allow herself to be selfish with her emotions since Ryoma just "doesn't want" to be with her and she is slowly learning to get over that fact.

She gives him space, even though it's inevitable for them to see each other occasionally she does everything in her power to maximize his comfort... but that's only making him feel even worse about it.

But neither will do anything about it. They have something stopping them, and there was always some barrier in their relationship. Perhaps they just weren't meant to be happy together no matter how hard they try.

~Mod Angie

[valeriianz]

Hi, @chaosheadspace here. (Anon cause sideblog and stuff).

I have a question regarding your playlist for the playlist you made for your Dreamling band AU. (Which is very good, btw. I'm looking for new music atm and was elated being greeted with someone saying "I want to skin you alive". Glorious.)

Did you choose the songs you think they might have played or did you choose songs that embodied the characters and the setting for you? Please feel free to ramble at length.

Hello! Oh goodness... I'm so happy to receive this ask. I've never thought much about music while writing fics (I don't even listen to music while I'm writing, I find it very distracting) but given this is a BAND au, it was almost inevitable (90% of the songs on the playlist were added before I even published the fic). Allow me to ramble, since you've given me permission haha.

All of these songs already exist somewhere on my Spotify, I listen to a lot of indie and alt rock and remember coming up with the idea for Bolt in the Blue and daydreaming A LOT about Endless as a band and what they might sound like. So, while I was commuting to work, cleaning my apartment, doing laundry, I had my Spotify on a constant shuffle and every time a song popped up that made me think about Endless, I tossed it into a playlist. A lot of edits were made before I decided to publish the final draft lol.

So while this did start out as what I imagined Endless would sound like, I also started to think about what each member might contribute to said playlist. I thought of it like... when you're at a show and music is playing through the speakers while you wait in the crowd and the stage is being set up. I could picture the whole band making a playlist and contributing equally.

I tell you, and myself, that it's not that deep. It's music that gives me vibes for the band only, and doesn't reflect the fic at all. Well, except one song. Mile Deep Hollow by IAMX is such a Dream song to Hob that it makes me vibrate while listening to it now:

So thank you You need to know That you dragged me out Of a mile deep hollow And I love you You brought me home 'Cause you dragged me out Of a mile deep hollow

I mean... no explanation needed. Hob is Dream's light and is the one who inspires him and drags him up from a deep darkness (kind of spoiler but eh, I like to think I'm pretty predictable and we could all see that happening from a mile away).

But the other tracks? Eh... I mean some definitely give off vibes but I wouldn't connect any of them to the fic itself. Even the fic title, Bolt in the Blue, while obviously taken from the LPX song, is not indicative of the story at all (that's a separate post though, it's all a metaphor lmao). Which is why, secret's out, I'm currently building a new playlist that will go along with the fic chapter by chapter lol. But that won't be ready until Bolt in the Blue is finished. I kind of realized, very recently, that I wanted a proper playlist to go along with the themes and characters in the fic.

So, while Endless' Personal Playlist is exactly that- just songs that one: I imagine the band could actually write and perform but also two: all made together and music they'd all rock out to in their tour bus... this new playlist I'm making will accurately describe and emulate the plot. I'm having a fucking blast building it and can't wait to share it with everyone :)

And just for fun, here's who I think added what track to the Endless playlist (as I've stated in the past, music is subjective and who you connect each song to is up to interpretation. And here's mine, and yes, there are some repeats):

Dream:

Poison by Alice Cooper Mile Deep Hollow & The Great Shipwreck of Life by IAMX Nothing Personal by Night Riots Don't You Forget About Me by Billy Idol

Death:

Bolt in the Blue & Slide by LPX Stone Cold Crazy by Queen Shout by Placebo Holy Mother by Starbenders

Despair:

Human & High by Anavae Blue Monday by Orgy Everything Black by Unlike Pluto Stone Cold Crazy by Queen

Desire: High by Avavae Youth Gone Wild by Skid Row Shout by Placebo Modern Day Cain by IDKHBTFM Hang on to Yourself & Massacre, The New American Dream by Palaye Royale

Delirium:

Maniac by Carpenter Brut Youth Gone Wild by Skid Row Call Me a Saint by YOKANA Don't You Forget About Me & Mony Mony by Billy Idol

Alright, I'm finished lol THANK YOU for letting me ramble!! I hope everyone reading enjoys the rock n roll or at the very least discovers something new from the playlist :D

[catboysooyoung]

🛒✨🎶💌 ! and, are there any elements that you’d like to incorporate into your fics and writing that you haven’t yet (for reasons of time/opportunity)?

Omg sorry I am just answering this now. I didn't think I'd get any asks... And sorry this got Very Long. I'm an incredibly self-obsessed person who loves Being Asked Things About Myself.

Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Oh hm, let's break this into parts.

Themes:

Grief/longing, haunting as part of that, difficult family relationships, love but not in the way it matters

Feels

Somberness, intimacy, despair, fear

Scenes

Quiet moments between characters where they don't say anything, but let the silence speak for them as they try to understand one another. <- not great at writing dialogue

Cooking: someone cooking for another person or someone eating someone else's cooking, shopping for cooking materials. etc.

Someone looking out the window or something similar

Imagery

I'm actually not sure about this one, I guess I make a lot of references to the night and the sea, and also like blood and guts. I think it's stuff with internal organs after all? Or maybe I just like the imagery of things coming apart. Usually they involve the body in some way. Escape or wistfulness or fear and danger are usually portrayed through the waves or the night atmosphere. Or something. Sorry, I'm not a lit major so I can't really. word it much better than this. I am also lost. If anyone's ever read a number of my works, maybe they can tell me lol.

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Ughhh this is so hard because I'm a very harsh critic on myself, but I guess it's cool that I'm like, trying hard or whatever. I may not write as much this days, but the few odd pieces of poetry and such do come out okay-ish even if they also look like something that can be written much better by like, 14 year olds or something and are also super angsty with no substance. It's like, cool that I can somewhat implement some stuff I've learned be it through theory books (which I've not finished.) or through assimilation from reading other works. Like woo I'm not super horrible at studying, or whatever. I've also been told my writing is pretty "evocative" and "emotive" so I guess it's probably true? I do write a lot of my feelings. And I actually do like how... filler-y all my works feel, how meandering they are. I know nothing about film, but I always think of my writing in terms of like, directing, as in how do I want these scenes to play out? And I know not a lot of people like this sort of writing style, but I do...... Maybe I won't write anything of substance or whatever, but I can write pretty things to please myself or something.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

Not really. I have something wrong with me so I can't really listen to most music when trying to write, because I'm easily influenced by the words being sung or I'd get distracted by the melody. I think I only listen to like, classical arrangements or white noise whenever I try to write. Because otherwise, my brain would be thinking of the lyrics instead of what I'm trying to write. It's the same thing with like, people speaking around me. When I can't fully tune it out, I end up... being too focused on the conversations around me and not on my actual writing lol.

As for what I've been playing on loop.... I'm told it's I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by MCR LMAO.

💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?

I love comments and feedback!! I always get so amazed whenever I get them because it's like, wow, you people actually care enough about my work to read it and show me what I can do to improve it??? It always feels surreal to me, I always go back to my comments section whenever I feel like shit to make myself feel better. Even the simplest comments make me happy... I get excited just by knowing people out there are seeing the stuff I put out...

But well, of course I'm also a bit wary sometimes when it comes to getting beta'd because I'm bad at not taking concrit personally and also because I constantly feel the need to be shaped by every input, like I have to follow everything to the letter, but I'm... slowly working on that lol..

Are there any elements that you’d like to incorporate into your fics and writing that you haven’t yet (for reasons of time/opportunity)?

Oh there are so, so many things I want to incorporate into my fics and writing, but I feel so, so terribly inadequate in both my skill level and my time to execute them properly:

childcare/childrearing

genuine, solid horror

sweet romance that's genuine and not one-sided or boring. And also good steamy scenes. I'm bad at these because I'm chronically bitchless and also evil and bitter and have issues.

comedy

more solid worldbuilding

better dialogue

more intricate prose

EFFICIENCY!!! I want to be able to be concise while still conveying a lot....

Sorry if I'm not getting this question right, btw fskdjfdsf

ANYWAY. THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE ASK ANON <3

[etherealdiva]

Astro Observations: Solar Returns

Source: Predictive Astrology the eagle and the lark by Bernadette Brady

Aspect Edition: 2022

☀️Neptune- ascendant: changing your personality from how you’re seen from the outside perspective. This happens usually by an unfortunate event or when traveling to escape. Ending the image that you present to the world.

-how it manifested for me: my mom passed away this year and I feel I lost my identity and am just dissolving my upbeat positive personality that everyone saw me as happy go lucky. I feel my humor is darker and I just resonate more with despair and darkness even though in general I’m still a positive person. It’s like life is whooping my ass but I’m still smiling lol.

☀️Neptune- sun: confused about your role in life, wanting to escape and travel.

- how it manifested for me: I feel absolutely lost in life because of everything I’ve lost this year (my full time job as well) and I had identified myself as that role. I’m sometimes conflicted with my role in the astrology world as well. Anything in the esoteric because I feel I’m living a life in the 3D and then another life somewhere else (online actually). I don’t feel I fit in anywhere with people but I can mesh well with others. Also, I’m dying to travel and start a new life. I wanna travel internationally.

☀️Uranus- MC: expect a sudden change in your job/career and your social status. For better or worse.

- how it manifested for me: my company laid me and 109 employees off 🙃 I guess I’m not suppose to be there 😅

☀️Saturn- Uranus: frustrated because achieving your goals is a slow progress.

- how it manifested for me: I’m so impatient cause it feels like everything is so damn slow. I have goals I wanna reach but it feels like I have to work even harder. Normally with my fitness goals I’ve had great luck and maybe it’s because I’m not as strict as I was before. I still think for the most part I look good with my body but I was at my fittest in 2019. I was also frustrated cause I worked hard and I wanted a raise and then we all got laid off so now I gotta start over.

☀️Saturn- moon: feeling of loneliness and wanting to isolate. Feeling like no one supports you.

- how it manifested for me: I moved to another state all by myself. Despite it being a busy and social city, I felt alone and wanting to isolate myself. I felt like I met people but couldn’t make connections 🥲

☀️Saturn- ascendant: being seen as more responsible and mature. Being as an authority.

- How it manifested for me: despite my Leo rising mannerisms and how I get along very well the youngins, I feel my piscean old soul def came out more. Also much more responsible especially since I lived on my own.

☀️Uranus- moon: events occurring so fast that you don’t have time to process them or react. Being free of your emotions.

- How it manifested for me: so much happened this year that I don’t think I processed my moms death, losing my job, being dumped and also moving away. I know it happened but like I think I reacted for a bit and then moved on to distract. I’m in therapy which is nice but yeah. Also could be that my moon is in Taurus in the 12th house so I feel much more emotionally stable but also repressed cause I still don’t believe it or I do but I’m like idk…it happened?? Weird?? I’m dreaming right?

☀️Uranus- sun: wanting to be free and re-classify yourself

- how it manifested for me: literally moved away because I felt trapped at home. I was more open about my love for astrology in my new city than I am in my hometown.

☀️Neptune- North Node: finding your spiritual path and a group/your “tribe” that’s in the category of the healing arts and esoteric. Diving into the metaphysical which pushes forward the person into a new life direction

- how it manifested for me: met you all in the Astro tumblr community 🥹🥺❤️ also dug deeper into astrology! I’ve studied it since 2018 but I went 💯 on it this gear. I also have a 9th house stellium in Aquarius in my SR.

☀️Pluto-Venus: intense fated connection with an intimate relationship or an emotional ending of one.

Note: Pluto represents mother figures and family members and people connected with death & dying.

- how it manifested for me: I did meet a man and he has a Gemini rising and Taurus moon in the 12th in his natal. My SR is Gemini rising and Taurus moon in the 12th. He impacted me greatly and how I viewed men. He was great and I’m grateful for him 💛

2021: significant events

☀️Neptune- Venus: illusions in romantic relationships. Love life could be wonderful or will leave you to deal with the harsh truth after it’s ended. Could possibly be conned.

- how it manifested for me: met a guy who is an Aquarius rising (my ascendant sign was Aquarius that year also) and when we dated I felt happy when being with him. But he ghosted (then he came back again and ghosted again) and I had to face the harsh reality of that. I’m sadly still recovering but I’ve made a lot of healing progress! I just know better now.

☀️Uranus- ascendant: changes to a persons life such as name and physical body. A huge drive for change/freedom.

- how it manifested for me: I got cosmetic surgery 😅 but I love it 🥰

I love astrology 💛 enjoy!

[deadlyleomidget]

hi! i’m the last anon lol and tysm, i would like to request #3, #22, & #74 (separately if that’s okay) when you have time <3 tysm once again

Hi anon, I'm sorry it took this long. Things got a bit hectic for me but I'm back with writing and updating this blog. I hope you enjoy it!

3. “What happened to your hand(s)”? 

‘Why do I have to be so lazy at times?’ you thought, looking at your hands. They were starting to get red from the cold. Which wasn’t even the worst part because they stopped hurting, since now you were losing the sensation from your fingers. 

It was late December and winter was in full swing. It was dark and cold. You usually wear gloves this time of year while completing your managerial duties out on the field. But this time around, you forgot them in the shed since you got distracted with Miyuki and his usual teasing antics. Nothing stops the cheeky catcher. Not even the dead winter weather. So it was all his fault. 

Granted, you realized that you left them behind not so soon after you started gathering the baseballs from the field after the team finished with their training. You sorta could’ve gone back. But you thought that you could make it quick enough without wasting more time by going back to the shed and then picking up from where you started. ‘It’s only going to take me fifteen minutes tops,’ you said. ‘I’m usually quick with this,’ you also told yourself, when you talked yourself out of going back. What a genius. 

Regardless, you still decided to blame Miyuki because it was easier and much more fun. Plus, he deserved it! 

Concentrating back on your task, you located the last baseball on the field with stars in your eyes. Soon, you were going to be done with your task, pack up, and then finally go to your warm and toasty. Bending down, you went to grab the ball, but you couldn’t since it slipped down to again to the ground. Your fingers were too numb to grab the ball. Pouting, you decided to get creative and grab the ball by using both of your wrists and putting the ball in between your wrists. “Sometimes I get good ideas,” you muttered to yourself, placing the ball inside the bucket, feeling satisfied. 

However, the feeling of satisfaction didn’t last long when you realized that you had to take the bucket back to the shed. You whimpered, when you realized that it would take at least ten minutes to walk back to the shed. Reluctantly, you grabbed onto the cold metal handle of the bucket with both hands since you couldn’t carry it with just one. ‘How am I going to do this?’ you thought in despair, taking a few steps forward. Soon, you felt a freezing breeze pass by you and you shivered uncontrollably. 

‘There is no way I can walk,’ you thought, and charged ahead. Running towards the shed. The faster you got there, the less cold you would feel. You smiled to yourself when you saw the shed appearing closer and closer. Were you always this fast of a runner or were you just freezing your ass off? Either way, it worked and you were a step closer to being done for the day. Gloves, your winter jacket, tea, a warm bath, and your warm comfy bed. Your grin was getting wider and wider as you thought about it. But it soon disappeared as you reached your destination. 

“Why are you running?” Miyuki asked with a smirk and crossed his arms across his chest. He was wearing his long Seido jacket. Certainly looking warmer than you were. 

You glared at him. “What are you doing here?” you replied with a question of your own. However, you didn’t wait for him to respond. Instead, you made your way to the shed, which made Miyuki step aside to let you in. 

“I thought Sawamura and Furuya would be here looking for one of their beloved tires. I told them that they needed to rest and they actually agreed right away,” the catcher replied, standing on the doorway.  

You shot him a confused look from inside the shed. “So? That doesn’t explain why you’re here.” 

“It made me suspicious so I’m just here to make sure that they were not lying to me,” he said, in a matter-of-fact tone. 

You snorted. “You’re impossible,” you said, waking out of the shed. 

“Well, you never…” Miyuki trailed off. 

“What?” 

“What happened to your hands?” he asked, totally forgetting about the prior subject. 

You blinked in confusion, until it dawned on you that he noticed your reddish hands. Suddenly, you felt embarrassed and your cheeks started to heat up in a blush. You didn’t want to know how you were looking in front of him You were probably red as a tomato. If your hands were red, your face was probably red too from the cold. Now, your blush probably made it worse. Just great. 

“I forgot my gloves in the locker room,” you explained vaguely. 

He gave you a concerned look “You were out on the field without them? You couldn’t go back to get them?”  

“I thought that I was going to be okay,” you replied, feeling even more embarrassed. Miyuki certainly could act like a mother hen when he wanted to. 

“Baka! That’s not okay,” he reprimanded lightly, boring his warm brown eyes into yours. “It’s actually very bad for you,” the catcher added in a disapproving tone. Then, he went ahead and grabbed one of your hands. 

“W-what are you doing? You asked, flustered. 

“Warming up your hand,” Miyuki replied as if it was obvious. 

“T-thank you,” you told him in a quiet tone. Not being fully able to look at him in the eye. It was the first time that you ever had any kind of physical contact with him. You felt as if your heart was about to burst out of your chest and your hand overheat from the warmth of his hand. As your heart calmed down, you were starting to appreciate how big his hand was in comparison to yours who was fully enveloped in his. Aside from how warm and big it was, you also noticed that it was rougher than yours with deep callouses showing many years of dedication to baseball. You absentmindedly started to rub circles on his knuckles, feeling your hand come back to life. You certainly could get used to this. Then you felt a pull of his hand and started to panic. Was he angry at you?

“Is there something wrong?” 

“No, we’re just leaving here to get you warmer.” 

You gave him a confused look. “Where are we going ?” 

“To the vending machine to get you a hot drink,” he replied smoothly. “We can’t have you freezing to death, can we now?” he added with that trademark smirk of his. 

You couldn’t help but to grin back at him. 

Perhaps, leaving your gloves behind was not such a bad idea. 

22. “Scoot over. I wanna sit next to you.” 

‘Why did I agree to watch this?’ you suppressed a shudder (and a gasp) as the villain of the movie appeared out of nowhere. You stayed back at Seido’s  Spirit Dorms to hang out with the team and everyone decided to watch a movie in the meeting room. Much to dismay, the elder Kominato won when the boys were playing “rock, paper, scissors,’ to choose the one who would pick the movie. Needless to say, it was a wrap after that. Scary movie it was. 

The movie wasn’t anything special (not that you would admit it out loud so one particular third year could hear you), it was your typical haunted house movie. A dumb family who didn’t move the hell away from a forsaken neighborhood, and now they were stuck with creepy stuff happening to them. Yes, it was dumb. However, that didn’t mean that you were not scared out of your mind. It didn’t matter how idiotic or fake scary movies looked like, you didn’t like them at all. You hated the feeling of always being on guard for the duration of the movie because you didn’t know when something was going to jump out. You liked adrenaline but not that much. 

To make things worse, you had to play it off cool, unlike Sawamura who was screaming at every other scene. There was no way that you would scream just like him because that meant that you would be one of the third- years targets on who to make fun of for being scared. They were ruthless, but they were nothing compared to the one person you didn’t want to know that you were scared of Miyuki Kazuya. The cheeky catcher was always merciless with his teasing and you were not in the mood to deal with that. At least he was nowhere near you. 

“Scoot over. I wanna sit next to you,” you heard a familiar masculine voice say. You turned around and widened your eyes when you realized that it was the devil you were thinking about that appeared in front of you. 

“M-miyuki?” you stammered, unconsciously scooting over.  “What are you doing here?” 

The catcher moved his chair closer to you. “I was tired of Sawamura screaming in my ear,” he said in a half-amused tone. “So I thought things would be quieter in this side of the room.” 

You gulped. ‘Great. This is the last thing I needed.’ 

“Is there a problem?” he asked with a teasing grin. 

You shook his head and just stared at ahead towards the TV  in the middle of the room. The villain was chasing the mom (or was it the sister?) around the house and you felt your pulse quickened. It was bad enough that it was the climax of the movie, but then on top of that Miyuki had to be so close to you? 

The villain was about to struck someone down and you closed your eyes in anticipation. Then you felt something warm on your hand. It was somebody else’s hand on top of your right hand. You turned to your right and see the catcher watching the movie undisturbed. 

He strengthened his hold on your hand. “It’s just a movie,” Miyuki whispered. 

You smiled at him. Maybe scary movies weren’t so bad after all. 

74. “Why don’t you just sit over there and look pretty?” 

“Ahhh!” you yelled. 

“Are you okay y/n-chan?” Miyuki asked you from a distance. “Do you want me to come over there?” 

“Yes, No!- I mean,” you sputtered. “Yes, I’m fine and no, I don’t need you to come over,” you replied frazzled, poking your head out of the kitchen. 

Miyuki had come over to your house and you decided to make both of you dinner while he waited in the living room. He always teased you about your cooking skills and how much better he was supposed to be. You wanted to make him eat his words along with your delicious meal to shut him up. So naturally, you wanted to keep him away from the kitchen and surprise him. But it was not going as well as you were hoping it would be. You opted for pork tonkatsu with curry. It was supposed to be easy. It was only a matter of cutting onions, potatoes, and carrots. After that, it was just boiling it and then adding the curry paste. And of course seasoning and frying the pork cutlets. It was not supposed to be this hard. But somehow you underestimated how hard it was to cut the pork evenly along with the rest of the ingredients. Everything looked so uneven. Not to mention that there was something off about the paste. Moving on from that didn’t matter since you went to fry the pork but oil started splattering everywhere and a drop landed on you which caused you to scream.

Was cooking supposed to be this hard? You wanted to surprise Miyuki and in a way, if he sees this then he would be surprised alright. But this is not how you wanted to surprise him. 

‘I just hope this is at least edible,’ you thought with a pout and took the pork out of the skillet with the utmost of care, not wanting to drop it. You put it aside on a plate and then looked towards the bowl with two other raw pieces of pork that were waiting to be fried. ‘What if I mess this up?’ 

“Be careful there, you don’t wanna hurt yourself,” you heard a certain catcher say behind your back. 

“Miyuki-kun,” you gasped, turning around to face him. He was wearing his usual red baseball shirt and grey sweatpants along with that annoying grin of his.  “What are you doing here?” 

“I was worried that you were going to burn down the kitchen,” he replied with a teasing grin. “I was also bored all alone in the living room.” 

You pouted as you put your hands on your hips. “I was not going to burn anything down,” you said, feeling offended. “I told you that I was able to cook on my own.” 

Yes, you were stressing out over this meal but there was no reason for him to know that. 

“Yes, I see that you have it all under control,” Miyuki said looking around the kitchen, hands shoved in his pockets. “But I still wanted to offer you my help.” 

“I don’t need it,” you stubbornly maintained. 

“I agree, you don’t need my help,” the catcher nodded in agreement. 

“Exactly- wait what?” you asked confused. 

“I mean…” he glanced around the kitchen once again. “The whole purpose of you cooking was to show me that you could cook and you certainly did,” Miyuki elaborated, coming closer to the stove. “The paste is cooking,” he pointed out, taking the spoon and starting to stir it as he lowered the heat. “You managed to fry a pork cutlet,” he added, inspecting the already fried pork cutlet. 

“Well… I guess you have a point,” you conceded. He was right, it was not like you were a lost cause. 

“So why don’t you just sit over there and look pretty?” Miyuki proposed with a smirk. “I’ll take care of the rest. You already proved me wrong enough” 

You opened your mouth in response and then closed it not knowing what to say. Part of you wanted to keep on being stubborn and accuse him of lying. But deep down there was something that was preventing you from doing so. He was trying to genuinely help you and this was his way of showing you that. How could you be mad? 

“Well, how can I say no to that since you think I'm so pretty and everything? "

[makeste]

have you noticed in the latest chapter the light is gone from Izuku's eyes? The same way it was gone from Katsuki's between his rescue and Deku vs Kacchan 2 fight. Izuku is hurting inside and im sitting here wondering how long will it be til he hits breaking point

so I’m late in answering these two asks (got them last week after 309 came out) because a certain someone had his birthday and so I was busy reading fanfic and hunting down gremlin faces, and then 310 came along and so I got distracted with that, and also I just suck at answering asks. but anyways, yes. yes to all of this, and thank you both for pointing this out. like, let’s talk about this. because this is how Deku’s eyes look normally,

and this is him in the latest chapter.

first of all, this is really well-played imo, because it’s all about consistency. it’s a very subtle change (or at least I thought it was lol), and the reason it’s so effective is because Horikoshi is so consistent in drawing the “normal” bright-eyed Deku look that you can’t help but notice the change when he suddenly stops. even if you can’t necessarily put your finger on exactly what’s off at first, I think most people definitely got that feeling of something being wrong. and that’s very deliberate.

so why is this important? well because a lot of people’s big fear right now is that the story is tacitly endorsing Deku’s recent choices and painting them as right/correct. namely, people are worried that this whole thing with Deku striking off on his own (because let’s be real, that’s exactly what he’s done; it doesn’t matter that All Might and the Hawksquad are accompanying him, because he’s clearly keeping his distance from them and is ready to give them the slip the moment things get bad) is going to be framed as The Right Decision Which Is Best For Everyone. and for a lot of people, that comes as a betrayal, because up until this point the series has espoused teamwork and trust as core virtues, and what Deku is doing right now is basically the opposite of that.

and this is why little details like the Despondent Eyes of Angst and Despair (or D.E.A.D. eyes for short) are so important -- because they signal to us that this is not the case. they are a very clear visual indicator that in spite of him appearing to have his shit together, Deku is very much not okay right now. like, let me just repeat that one more time: Deku is not fine. Deku is very much not fine here at all. Despondent Eyes of Angst and Despair are not just a little thing to be ignored. D.E.A.D. eyes are a dead giveaway that a character is Going Through It and is not in the right state of mind right now and needs help. but before I start spamming this post with images, let me add a read more cut.

okay, so! case in point,

Nana’s eyes normally:

vs. Nana’s eyes when she’s talking about potentially killing her grandson in order to defeat AFO:

Iida’s eyes normally:

vs. Iida’s eyes when he’s plotting premeditated murder to avenge his brother:

and again, Deku’s eyes normally:

vs. Deku’s eyes in chapters 306 through 310:

Deku’s eyes were still clear all the way up through chapter 305 when he was talking to the Vestiges about wanting to save Tomura. in fact, they were clear af when he was giving his speeches about that, because that light in his eyes always shines brightest when he’s speaking and acting with true conviction. it’s one of the ways the art shows us how determined he is. when Deku talks about saving people no matter what, he’s speaking straight from the heart about one of the core principles of his character, and the look in his eyes reflects that.

now contrast that against the look in his eyes when he talks about not wanting anyone else to get hurt:

once you see it, you can’t not see it. it’s Horikoshi’s way of showing that even though it may sound like the Same Old Deku on the surface, it absolutely is not the Deku we’ve come to know and love. something is deeply wrong. even though these might appear to be the same old convictions he’s always had -- protect everyone at all costs -- he’s gone from acting out of belief and principle to acting out of fear. he’s afraid of someone else getting hurt because of him. he’s so afraid that he’s pushing people away left and right to stop it from happening again. and that fear is holding him back, because as long as he’s holding himself apart from everyone else and trying to do it all solo, he’s making the same mistake that All Might once did. no one can bear all of that weight on their shoulders alone. AFO isn’t someone who can be defeated by any one person alone. the only way he’s ever going to be defeated is if the characters hold true to the one ideal that’s at the very core of the series: one for all. the combined strength of many, working together to overcome the selfish, arrogant, limited strength of one.

basically, this right here is why I haven’t been concerned about the story suddenly veering off the rails with this latest development. like, this isn’t Our Lord And Savior Deku being put on a pedestal and worshipped while all the other characters are shoved aside. this is Literally-Still-Just-A-Child Deku having an angst spiral while the distracted adults around him try their best to keep an eye on him but kind of suck at it because there’s too much other stuff going on that they’re also trying to deal with. All Might could be the one to help him in theory, but in practice he’s too accommodating and doesn’t really know how to say ‘no’ to this kid he loves like his own son, and right now he’s basically letting Deku walk all over him. as for the Vestiges, they’re great for helping Deku in battle, but well, how do I put this lol. basically I’m not fully sold on trusting Deku’s mental health to a bunch of angst-ridden martyrs who all died willingly in order to further the cause of taking AFO down. not really the best life coaches, there.

but you know who I do trust to finally get through to Deku and get him to see reason and start having faith in others again?

these guys.

so yeah. tl;dr, Deku isn’t okay right now and we’re not meant to think he is. and unless I’m way off base, this is going to be a very temporary arrangement. I don’t think Deku can continue as he is right now indefinitely. saving others has been his whole thing since the very start of the manga, but like everything else, eventually it has to come full circle. and I think that very soon, it’s finally going to be his turn to be saved. luckily for him, he’s got some good (and determined) friends. and as they say, giving help that’s not asked for is part of what makes a true hero.

[tact-and-impulse]

Narumayo Week 2022 Day 2

I’ve wanted to cover a Professor Layton crossover for a prompt for a while, since this was how I got on board this ship, lol.

Prompt: Rainy Day

Rainwater ripples down the windows, and the thick clouds have turned London into a gray landscape. Maya traces a smiling face on the cool glass surface. A tiny distraction, while they’re waiting for their order. As she adds a zigzag line over the eyes, she wonders aloud. “How much longer will it take?”

“Probably a while.” Her companion answers. “We ordered a lot. And is that supposed to be me?”

“Maybe.” She plays coy but doesn’t wipe it away when she turns back to him. In this cozy interior, they were given the smallest round table, and their chairs are rather close. He’s staring right at her, which is far from unusual, and yet…

Blurred scenes flip through her mind, like a film reel. Mundane work hours, flour dissipating in the heated air. Errands and lunches spent by the dusty wayside. Dreamless nights, because they were already in the dream. Five years of a life they never actually lived.

Phoenix clears his throat. “It should be worth the wait. Luke did say this place served the ideal British tea. Too bad he has school and the professor’s in a meeting.”

“Y-yeah. I bet they would’ve had recommendations.”

Oh, geez. This is awkward.

Thankfully, the waiter interrupts them, serving their drinks first. Steam rises from their cups of black tea, spiraling above the additional milk, sugar cubes, and lemon slices. The first sip is strong, and she tries not to burn her tongue.

“Maya. Are you okay?”

She sets her teacup on the saucer, hoping she doesn’t tremble. “My taste buds are still intact, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“You don’t have to pretend.” His voice softens. “I mean, if we told anyone else about what happened in Labyrinthia, it’d sound crazy to them. Not just the witch hunts either, but…the fake memories.”

A particular highlight surfaces. She’s at the counter, and an irate customer is getting on her nerves. Indistinct hands reach for her, and then, Nick grabs them by the collar, telling them not to touch her. She can’t exactly recall the end, she just knows of their boss’s return and punishment by bread. It’s not like when he appeared to save her. She slumps. “You still have them too.”

“…Yeah. How do you feel about our baker stint?”

She laughs, though it sounds hollow. “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. It feels weird, that I can remember things so vividly. But then, I remind myself that none of it was real. It isn’t easy to forget though.”

At that moment, their scones arrive. The aroma makes her mouth water, and she slathers on the accompanying cream and jam. Nick copies her, and he immediately makes a mess of his first bite. It’s endearing, as he searches for his cloth napkin with crumbs on his mouth. She offers her own with a flourish, ignoring the skip in her pulse.

“Thanks.” He looks somewhat embarrassed. “Well, I was about to say that I don’t care about forgetting or not. It wasn’t a bad dream to spend five years with you.”

“Oh, really?” She can blame the scone for feeling warm.

“Hey, it wasn’t. I wouldn’t give up being an attorney to bake, but it could’ve been worse. Like the trial.”

Luke had said that Phoenix was devastated, and she can see the shadow of that despair, of when she plunged into the fire. She picks a quiet page from their Labyrinthia story, a successful delivery on a rainy afternoon and they had swung hands on the way back. She reaches across the table and takes his fingers in hers. He startles but she holds firm. “That was a nightmare. I’m here.”

He smiles, squeezes in return. “And we have a few days left in London, to make real memories.”

“Right, as always.” And she laughs when he rolls his eyes.

The rain’s slowed to a light drizzle when they get their finger sandwiches. Maya’s eager to try all four kinds; the cucumber is better than expected, the egg salad and smoked salmon varieties are pretty good, but she’s partial to the curried chicken. The heavy discussion’s made her especially hungry.

“How do you still have room?” Nick groans. “I’ll have to take the sponge cake and tarts in a box.”

“I have a separate stomach for dessert.”

“Plus, we have dinner tonight.”

“We’ll walk to the hotel. No big deal.” Before they leave, she draws another smiling face with a topknot.

And in the newly clean streets, their hands find each other and swing in time as they stroll.

tea rose: growth, renewal, hope

[toraashi]

title: some runaway bride type shit (akaashi x reader)

warnings/genre: none lol besides fem reader tho (she’s marrying a guy) fluff

a/n: good afternoon, here’s this that’s been sitting in my brain the last week. enjoy! also I’m still kinda MIA but I wrote this so I thought I’d share. Also it won’t let me add a read more i’m so sorry idk why

She scrutinized her appearance in the mirror, watching as the seamstress behind her adjusted the fit of her ivory dress. The chrome reflected the overhanging lights harshly, blindingly, as if distracting her from the life-changing choice she stood on the precipice of.

The taffeta gown was tight-fitting, decorated gaudily with cheap, salmon-colored flowers sewn shoddily to the material. Shoulders slumped, she let her lashes flutter closed, feeling the weight of the draping falsies again her cheekbones.

“How are you feeling?” Her eyes shot open at the sound, dripping with sweetness as she caught his form in the mirror. A crisp white button-up adorned his chest, his navy tie adding a spark of color to the otherwise monochrome getup.

“Keiji,” His name fell from her lips in a pleasant sigh, lips quirking into a forlorn smile.

“Yes?” His tone held a teasing lilt, but it too cradled melancholia. “Are you nervous?”

“You always see right through me.” Dark shoes melding into the pristine carpet, he took daring steps closer, careful to not interrupt the helper’s delicate work.

“You look lovely.” His comment contorted her face with suspicion.

“You really think so?” Her glum words elicited a restrained nod, but before the room could settle into uncomfortable silence, the seamstress intervened.

“All done, sweetheart. I hope it’s everything you wished for.” Swallowing thickly, the bride nodded, flattening her hands against the snowy material.

“Yes, thank you. Thank you for your help.” The woman smiled faintly, glancing towards the visitor.

“I’ll get going then. Please let me know if you need further assistance.”

“Of course.” The bride’s words were kind but empty, and as soon as the tailor left, her expression crumbled. The dark-haired man rested himself on a stiff table stool, the old wood creaking under his weight. He was barely a foot away, his fingertips itching to slide beneath her jaw, to pick up her face and mood alike. She did the heavy lifting for him, meeting his sapphire hues with utter despair dripping from hers.

“What is it?” Words that were once tentative grew with urgency at her plummeting temperament.

“This dress is horrendous, Keiji. It’s hardly what I’ve dreamed of. Is this really about to be my wedding? Is this the end all be all? If so, why do I feel so much dread?” Sentences and rhetorical questions spilled from her glossed lips frantically, and the craving Akaashi felt to answer them was nearly uncontrollable.

“Is this not what you want? You’ve been with him so long.” He tried to believe his inquisitions were for her own good, but deep down, he knew they stemmed from personal curiosity. They spoke a deep craving, a sort of desperation he’d kept recluse since the engagement. The way she reached for his hands, gripping them like a vice, reciprocated those feelings perfectly. Despite the warmth in his heart and the tingling of his fingertips, his gaze never once parted from hers.

“Keiji, I probably sound insane, but right now, this is the last thing I want in the world. I don’t want this. I never have. I don’t want this dress. I don’t want this venue. I only want one person, and it’s not the man I’m about to marry.” The blue-eyed boy’s throat instantly dried, each thought caught between his heart and brain, his cautious demeanor lost in the riptide.

“Who do you want?” A sardonic chuckle ripped from her throat, and his heart leaped in return, rattling against the brittle cage of bone and regret he trapped it in.

“Don’t you know? I’ve never felt more at home around anyone else.” The tears sparkling her eyes counteracted the bitter bite to her tone. “I’ve never regretted anything more than this engagement, and now I’m trapped in it, Keiji. I only want you. I have for years. I only realized it recently. But now it’s too late.” Her fingertips tightened against his, relaying eons of pain and sorrow that he empathized with all too well. In response, Akaashi, her dearest friend, did what he knew best.

Running his thumbs over her skin, the boy flashed her his softest smile, reassuring every bone in her body of his perpetuity. Words brimming with reluctance and acceptance filled the air between them.

“I’ve known, I’ve always known, but this is the path you’ve chosen. Everything will work out, and I’ll always be by your side.” Waterfalls tumbled over pinkened cheeks, soiling the facade of her makeup.

“So you don’t love me back?” The tears splashed against her dress at the world-shattering words, hiccups bubbling from her throat in a way that had Akaashi’s arms around her in seconds, tight and intimate. He cooed tenderly, mindful of the intricate twists of her hair.

“I-” A hesitation. He wasn’t sure how his admission would affect their relationship thus forward, especially following her wedding. Nevertheless, he gave in, vowing to let this moment be the last. “I do. I always have.” She peeked up from her cocoon in his chest, water constellating dripping lashes like stars. Akaashi cupped her cheek, gaze thick with suppressed longing. “I always will.”

“Then let’s leave.”

....

“W-what?” Her voice was thriving with spontaneous decision and confidence, leaving him bewildered and flustered.

“I’m serious.”

“Y/N, you have a crowd of people and a groom waiting for you to walk down the aisle in 5 minutes!”Thoughts in a frenzy, he could barely contain himself once she interrupted.

“I don’t want this. I never have. I want a life with you. No one understands me like you. No one understands you like me. I’ve been an idiot for almost throwing that away, and I want to try again. A life with you is all I want if you’ll have me.” The impulsive desire in her voice was nearing ridiculousness, but after years of memories with her, he could see her sincerity and felt himself complying all too easily.

“Are you sure? You’ll be giving everything up.” Any tension building in her body melted at his statement, a delirious smile curling her lips.

“I won’t be.” He soaked in everything she was at those words, the knowing glimmer in her eye, the cherry of her cheeks, the quaking of her hands in his, the warmth of her face under his palm, and in a heartbeat, he nodded, pulling her to her feet and across the room.

“My car is out back. We’ll have to cross people to get there.” His voice shook, but despite his nervosity, he was reaching for her bag and belongings, eager to escape their predicament, to usher her out the door and to the future he’d only seen in dreams.

“Wait.” A cold fear shuddered down his spine at the singular word, turning to watch her remove the garish diamond from her ring finger, placing it decisively on the wooden credenza against the wall. The anxiety vanished at her relaxed grin, and upon sending her a similar charming smile, he was yanking her away from a life wrapped in stiff taffeta and into his yearning arms.

And maybe she was right. That gown hardly suited her. She deserved something she felt beautiful in, and anything less was unacceptable. Akaashi would make sure that happened.

[marichat-verse]

Mist Memories

Leo Valdez x reader for his birthday ahhhh (even though it's angsty) with a platonic/developing jason x reader cameo at the end (lmao im sorry i couldn't help myself 😭)

Based on this picture I found in pinterest + also [kinda] based on traitor by olivia rodrigo and omg i really recommend u guys listen to this edit because it reminds me so much of this fic that's been stuck in my head for MONTHS also kind of a run away with me prologue lol

Your POV

I nervously made my way across the forest until I reached a limestone cliff. I knocked on the iron door, not really expecting to get an answer.

My boyfriend has been shutting himself in Bunker 9 for the past few weeks. I stood there counting up to seven before knocking again. I knocked again two more times, until he answered in the middle of my last knock.

He removed his goggles and winced as sunlight hit his eyes. He'd grown thinner and paler, making the dark circles in his eyes more pronounced.

"Oh, Leo..." I reached out to brush a few strands of hair away from his face, but he moved away.

"What are you doing here?" He said in a monotone voice.

I moved to walk inside the Bunker, brushing off his hesitation to let me in. "I'm your partner, remember? And I'm really concerned because you're shutting yourself out lately. You know everyone's starting to worry about you. Percy asked me to check on you because you missed pegasus riding with him. Oh, and I'm pretty sure Jason's coming back from Camp Jupiter soon. I was hoping you and Annabeth could be with Piper while Percy and I hung out with Jason because it's been a little awkward since their breakup. Plus Piper wanted to tell you something—"

"Please," he said forcefully causing me to stop and look at him. "Just... Get out."

Normally, he'd shut himself from the world for a few days to work on an important project or because he was feeling really sad and he needed space. But this was getting out of hand. He had never locked me out of his life when I offered to help him. He was never this mean when he asked for space. I was not having this attitude of his.

"Okay, Leo. I tried to play nice. What is so important that you blow off all your friends for nearly a month that you can't even tell your partner, or maybe say hi to your best friend who's coming back from the other side of the country?"

He didn't say anything. He pursed his lips and avoided eye contact. I scanned he room for any signs.

It was messier than usual with all the crumpled paper scattered on the floor, especially on his desk. He could have been drawing up new plans. Something in my gut told me that something wasn't right. There were no new unfinished projects, indicating that he wasn't starting a new invention. Harley's helicopter lay on his bench in the same state it was weeks ago. Huh, not even his siblings could enter the Bunker.

I turned and Leo was already changing Festus' oil. I took this moment of distraction to pick up a few pieces of crumpled paper on the floor and on his desk. I had to process the words a bit longer—too long that Leo took notice. Damn dyslexia.

I heard footsteps speed up behind me, but it was too late. I read enough and got the gist of what he had been trying to do these past few weeks.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He yelled at me. Small embers started to erupt between his curls.

I laughed dryly. "So this is what you've been up to?"

His fists tightened, further crumpling the paper in his hands. His eyes flashed with anger, despair and confusion.

I sighed and focused my eyes on his desk, not daring to look at him any longer. Under some pieces of paper were old photographs of him and Piper from Wilderness School. Yup, those definitely were the mist memories she had with Jason. I read the latest draft he'd been writing:

Dear Piper,

Remember the mist memories from boarding school with Jason? They were real, but they were with me.

I miss you. I miss when it was just us. I miss the night on the roof.

Yours truly,

Leo Valdez

I tried to keep my voice from cracking. "How long?"

I heard him sigh. "Three weeks."

I balled my fists. Tears started to fall and smudge the ink. I wiped them away as fast as they came.

"How?"

"In a dream," his tone softened now. "Hera came to me in a dream and told me to check an old drawer in Bunker 9. I found the photos and the memories came rushing back."

"How long were you dating back then?"

"Two weeks."

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

Silence; then a deep breath.

"No."

I shook my head in disbelief. "Why?"

"Because I knew you'd get upset like—"

"I meant why would you throw away months of our relationship for a couple of weeks of your relationship with her? And without even bothering to tell me? Gods damn it, Leo. We've been together since you've first arrived at camp. And what about those promises you made when we were sailing to Greece? You've been keeping these feelings away from me and you've been lying to me, making me believe that there's still something between us and—"

"Oh, calm down," he said with an annoyed expression and tone, which only infuriated me more, "it's not like I did anything were her yet! I didn't kiss her or tell her how I truly felt for her! She just got out of a relationship with Jason around the same time I had that dream. I had to figure out how to talk to her about it. I've been alone in this Bunker for three. Fucking. Weeks. I didn't cheat on you."

"Oh, and that makes everything better?" I countered. "Being in a relationship isn't about not cheating, Leo. It's about being honest and communicating with each other."

"Oh, like you've been communicating with me? After the war, you take go back to Manhattan for school, and you take a job. I haven't seen you much during the holidays because work has been keeping you in the city. And you won't tell me what you even do for a living!"

I took in a deep breath. "I told you I needed to have a life outside of camp! I needed to know first that I could handle myself in the mortal world as a normal human being. I needed this demigod part of my life to be separate as much as possible! I've been in two wars, Leo. I needed time to myself, too. And I was about to tell you guys in a few more days. But I guess now, I'm glad I've kept you out of that part of my life. At least I have an escape from all of this. And now, especially from you."

I took another deep breath and walked to the door, about to let myself out. I turned back again, both our tear-stained eyes meeting each other.

"If it makes you feel any better," I said softly, "I would've hated the idea of us breaking up. But if you really love her, if you really feel like you have this special connection to her and she makes you happy, then I won't get in your way. You could at least have had the decency to talk to me so we could have left on a good note."

He looked at me with wide eyes, clearly regretting his actions. I sighed and looked around the Bunker, possibly for the last time. Lots of memories were definitely created in this room; all just as grand and meaningful as the inventions they made here. But just like some of Hephaestus' contraptions, some of them were flawed and dumped in his scrapyard, no matter how much potential it could have had.

"Goodbye, Leo."

I sat on a rock on the beach that gave me a beautiful view of Long Island Sound. To my left, the sun started to set, casting an orange filter on everything. My heart broke, remembering how everything glowed orange in the Bunker. Leo always left the fires burning when he was working. The sunlight twinkling against the sea reminded me of how small bits of flame peaked through his hair earlier. I remembered how mad he was at me. Or maybe he was mostly mad at himself.

"Hey."

I jumped when someone sat—or rather, landed—beside me. I turned and smiled, seeing one of my good friends back at camp.

"Hey, you're back," I said weakly. "How long have you been here?"

He smiled at me, although he could maybe sense that something was wrong. "Half an hour, maybe? I saw Annabeth making plans to expand camp to have a city. She made me do an aerial inspection and I told her I'll get back to her tonight. That's when I saw you."

"Mhmm," I mumbled, not really knowing what to say. It was silent for a few minutes before I spoke up again, knowing he was just waiting for me to open up.

"I broke up with Leo."

His head quickly turned to me. I guess he wasn't expecting it to be that bad. "What?"

"Oh yeah," I laughed dryly. "Turns out the mist memories Piper had in Wilderness School with you? They were real. But not with you."

His eyes widened. "Oh... With Leo."

"He locked himself in the Bunker for weeks trying to write a letter. It was heartbreaking. Like, truly heartbreaking. He wanted to tell her how much he missed her and how much he missed them. Then he said how much he missed that night with her under the stars and... It hurt. Like hell."

"Oh," he said. "I guess Piper didn't tell me everything then."

"She knew all along?"

He shook his head. "Maybe not everything, but she told me she's been confused about her feelings lately and she'd been having visions or dreams of possible old memories that were messing with her head."

"I'm sorry about you and Piper," I said.

"Don't be," he said. "I understand her. It did hurt, though. But I think I can get over it some day. We're still awkward around each other, but at least we left on a good note."

I scoffed. "Leo couldn't even give me a good ending to our relationship."

"Hey," he said as he put a hand on my shoulder. "You're a great person, y/n. You've done so much, especially for him. It's his loss that he was stupid enough to let go of you."

"I know that."

"Do you really?"

"I do!" I said. "I'm a great person and I know that. But that doesn't mean what he did doesn't hurt me."

"I know," he said. "You'll find someone who'll treat you like the queen that you are. You're a great person, and I'm not just saying this to cheer you up. I truly think you're amazing."

I smiled at him. "Thanks, Jason. And you'll find someone great, too. Maybe not as great as me but, then again, who is?"

We both let out a laugh. The conch sounded in the distance, signaling dinner. I moved to stand up before hearing Jason speak up again.

"Hey, do you maybe want to just grab a couple of plates and eat out here?"

I smiled. "Yeah. That sounds good. I don't really want everyone else hounding me about the breakup right now."

I don't know how long it was going to take me to get over Leo. We really did gave something special. It was cruel how the universe gave me something so good, to make me have hope that something was finally going right, then have it yanked away from my arms just as suddenly as it came.

He never cheated on me, but that didn't mean he didn't betray every promise we made to each other. I should have known it was too good to be true. Life has always played cruel jokes on me.

Then again, who's to say that things won't turn out for the better, right?

•••

Tagging: @drvrslcense @bubblybubbubs @dreamerball @quteez @aesthetxcimagines @chasingpj @beingleft @wadewilsonsgreatestfriend

[still-a-morosexual-help]

OBEY ME! LESSON 54 DETAILED SUMMARY + THEORIES

There are 2 locked lessons and I really need to start unlocking things + I have all the hard lessons too…

Asmo’s gushing about whatever Beel did, saying it looked like Beel was enjoying himself too and maybe he discovered a new side to himself, Barbatos says that while most of it was probably solomon’s curse Asmo’s ability to charm people impressed him and I really don’t want to know. Barbatos says though many demons can charm others no one’s on Asmo’s level. Asmo tells him not to feed his praise kink but is sad that his charm never works on MC. MC wonders why they’re immune and Asmo says that’s what he wants to know. Barbatos suggests they break for tea. Barbatos goes off to make tea and Asmo suggests they take a peak at his grimoire while he’s gone. MC shuts it down. Asmo says MC doesn’t know what Barbatos is capable of – that none of them do. Lower rank demons shudder at his name and there are rumours that his powers can rival the Demon King’s but for some reason he’s just Diavolo’s butler. & when it first happened the news of it had shook the devildom but no one other than Diavolo knows why it happened (considering Asmo and them weren’t even in the devildom when Barbatos became Diavolo’s butler it really must have had a big impact for even them to find out about it.) He says the answer to that legendary mystery might be in the book so… MC shuts him down. Asmo sulks.

After tea they go to Levi’s room, Asmo tries to remember the secret phrase and MC completes it for him but obviously they don’t get a response so they just break in and end up in a green valley. They immediately all back out to the hallway where Asmo freaks out about the savanna now attached to their house. They open the door again and nope still a savanna and realise this is probably a game. Levi laughs and says they make it sound like he always does that….bro. Levi says this actually a program from crowe tht displays whatever scenery you want & he was actually trying to have a solo photoshoot while he still was a giraffe before they interrupted. Asmo despairs being related to Levi and Levi ignores him, saying that since MC’s a sheep they wouldn’t fit the savanna anyway and asks crowe to close the program. He then drags MC into the bathtub and starts telling them poses while he takes pictures and MC’s a fucking idiot so they go along with it. Asmo’s disappointed in life that Levi’s just having a cosplay photoshoot and Barbatos says hey you know Levi’s pretty distracted rn and MC gets the hint and moves in closer to Levi in what is implied to be a very seductive way, Levi starts stuttering and covering his face and MC gets closer. Asmo says with the most blank expression ever, “Wow… I can’t believe I’m watching a sheep making a move on a giraffe in a bathtub.” Ah yes the twilight zone says Barbatos. MC then yanks Levi’s tail out, he immediately wants to take a picture of the triumphant look on MC’s face. Asmo says, “ugh, gross…”

They’re out by the pool and Asmo’s giggling about all the photos he has of his brothers completing the orders and they would trend on devilgram and increase his followers. MC agrees but ultimately tells Asmo not to upload them, he complains but leaves to moisturise after he realises the air outside is really dry. Barbatos says they won’t be out long but Asmo says this right now is a life or death situation as he runs back in. Barbatos says there’s no reasoning with Asmo and the two of them are left in awkward silence until MC either asks more about Solomon (he tells them he has nothing more to add and to ask Solomon) or starts talking about the weather (he asks if they feel awkward around him and they don’t need to feel uneasy and they don’t need to struggle to find a topic). Not one to be deterred MC asks him what he thinks of 1.)Diavolo – Diavolo’s the reason for his current existence and he devotes himself to serving Diavolo 2.)The brothers – he says that as long as you’re just watching them they’re enjoyable but if they involve you in their BS it becomes troublesome and that he wishes they didn’t include Diavolo in their shenanigans so often (as if Diavolo isn’t the one who readily jumps into said shenanigans or isn’t the one who causes them in the first place) Barbatos actually acknowledges this too and says Diavolo liking being involved gives him headaches 3.)The angels – he has no strong opinions about them though he does approve of Luke’s love for baking & that he finds it charming that he does it to pls his superior. He then asks MC how they feel about the brothers. They say the brothers are their family and that they love them all to death, he says that makes sense cause you’d go crazy if you tried to live with them and love wasn’t there to act as a buffer. He also notes that MC must trust them implicitly. He asks about the angels and again MC says they’re dear friends who they love, he says it’s understandable that MC would find them likeable considering how different they are from other angels (the implications of this lol). MC asks if Barbatos is gonna ask how they feel about him. He says outside of Diavolo he doesn’t give a shit what people think about him but since they’re on the topic sure he’ll indulge, MC says they consider him a friend and he says “thank you?” or that they like him and he says he’s honoured. I like that Barbatos genuinely does not give a shit about MC, it’s refreshing.

So the I like you is a confession not a casual platonic remark damn. And if you choose that the next lesson starts with him asking but ‘why me lol we barely know each other’ and MC can say they’re attracted to his looks, personality or devotion to Diavolo and it’s at this point I noped out and went back and chose the friend option. After the friend option it starts with Asmo coming back sobbing and asking for help with a sleeping Belphie being dragged along. Belphie had been sleep-walking and “those dumb-dumbs” had said Asmo was a pillow and Belphie had started chasing after Asmo and eventually caught up to him and now Asmo can’t make him let go. Barbatos says he doesn’t really understand what’ happening but he’s impressed that Belphie’s still asleep while being dragged across the floor and Asmo is mad at him for being impressed. Asmo tells them to hurry up and get his tail and order him back to bed and MC remorselessly pulls it off, which still doesn’t wake him.

Back inside, Barbatos complains about being the one stuck carrying Belphie and Asmo says they have no choice since Belphie won’t wake up and as a butler Barbatos should be used to carrying people, Barbatos says he has no idea what Asmo’s talking about and that as older brother shouldn’t he have more practice carrying people. Asmo says ew no cause he like his arms slim and he doesn’t want them to get too much exercise and become muscular. Barbatos sighs. The other 4 catch up with them, demanding Asmo give them his DDD so that they could delete the pics, Asmo starts running around while they try to catch him and Barbatos who has had his fill of all this shit for the day asks MC to make the brothers all stop, MC tries to play dumb but Barbatos smiles at them and says they know exactly what he means and he’s at his limit so try and fucking test him so they command the brothers to stay. Barbatos finds joy in the brothers’ suffering. Mammon and Satan are both smiley over getting to watch them try and catch Lucifer, Levi brings up how he escaped them the first time though they were able to catch Satan and Satan, while blushing, says he let himself be caught to help MC out. According to Levi’s reaction to this Satan’s being repeating that to everyone. Since Lucifer will be extra cautious this time around MC asks satan if he has any strategies to take him down. Satan’s delighted he gets to pull out his “Ideas For Utterly Destroying Lucifer So He Finally Learns His Lesson notebook” which is thick enough to be a lunch box according to Beel (and considering what Beel’s lunchbox probably looks like…) Asmo shuts Satan down cause 1.) they’re not going to actually kill Lucifer 2.) if they did he’d still find a way to get back at them and fuck them up even more. MC then turns to the only normal person here: Barbatos. The brothers realise Barbatos probably see a side of Lucifer they never do and ask him what Lucifer’s like when alone with Diavolo – he’s quite cheerful and really seems to enjoy himself. Asmo goes “Cheerful!?”, Satan says Barbatos must have confused him with another demon and Mammon says Lucifer’s default expression with his is a big, angry frown. Barbatos says maybe they have themselves to blame for that. Asmo laughs and says Lucifer has a soft spot for Diavolo and then brings up his similar soft spot for MC (the implications…) and that gives Asmo an idea – to have MC “act all sexy and seduce him” like they did with Levi. “Fucking excuse me!? What happened with Levi!?” asks Satan while Mammon tries to get Levi to spill all the details and why he got to mess around with MC when Mammon didn’t. Levi starts stuttering and denying it but Mammon says he’s shaking so hard it must be true when all Mammon got was being hung from the ceiling. Barbatos agrees that Asmo’s plan would be their best chance and he too compares Lucifer’s soft spot for Diavolo to his soft spot for MC (THE IMPLICATIONS!!!)

They search the entire manor and end up outside Lucifer’s room, Barbatos asks MC if they’re ready to go seduce a demon and they say, “fuck yeah!” and I mean to be fair they’ve been unconsciously seducing demons from day 1 so… Asmo and Barbatos will be outside watching through a crack in the door. MC knocks and goes in when Lucifer answers. Lucifer says he’s surprised to see them come walking into the wolf’s den on their own and he calls them a brave little sheep (fucking cheesy ass bastard I love him). MC gets the option to either sit on his lap or to pull him by the front of his shirt an make him sit on their lap and it’s the second option that actually works and makes Lucifer blush (and I think I’ve said this before but despite all the sadistic Dom vibes Lucifer gives out he gets incredibly flustered whenever MC takes charge. This man gives out the serious vibe of someone just begging to dominated and/or topped, and I mean after having to be in control of everything for his very long life it makes sense that he’d want someone he trusts to temporarily take the control from him). Barbatos and Asmo are whispering commentary from the corner. Barbatos says that Lucifer obviously can’t resist being proactively pursued while Asmo says he looks super happy on MC’s lap. Lucifer says, ”So you think you can do whatever you like to me, do you? …All right. What are you gonna do next MC? Go on…” Asmo moans about being really jealous. Barbatos asks who exactly he’s jealous of. Asmo says both obviously! Lucifer asks MC what they’re gonna hit him with next and honestly he really is begging for it isn’t he? Lucifer desperately wants to be fucked and MC just wants his tail…  They can either beg him for the tail or demand it from him. He laughs if they beg saying they look like a sad abandoned puppy and smiles at their audacity if they demand it, either way though in the end he tears his own tail off and hands it to MC cause he can’t find it in him to refuse them. Asmo barges in with a camera cheering and ready to take a pic of Lucifer following an order but Lucifer asks Barbatos to take “the little voyeur” away, Barbatos agrees but says Lucifer now owes him one. Asmo screams, complains and cries the whole way out. Lucifer then looks at MC and asks what they desire from him.

MC comes back to their room to find the other 2. Asmo immediately bombardes them with questions asking what they made Lucifer do and if they took pictures. MC can just say it was a lot of fun or that it’s a secret or that he should ask Lucifer. Asmo’s upset at first and then says “WAIT WAIT did y’all fuck!?” (or rather he asks if they did things they can’t even tell him about. This and that he says.) He gets excited about it and Barbatos congratulates MC on collecting tails from all of their opponents. He says there are more important things to focus on than whatever Lucifer & MC did (Asmo takes offense to this) like the fact that Solomon will arrive soon and says they should have tea while they wait. Asmo asks if something feels not right about a game being a test for sorcerers and MC agrees that it’s strange. Asmo says getting everyone’s tails was too easy and that there should be more to it for example like… for example like if we double crossed you, says Barbatos and then he pulls MC’s tail off. And like I mean Solomon did say that MC had to be the last one standing before he gave them Barbatos and Asmo… but still damn that’s fucking cold…

In their room Solomon laughs his ass off about how MC hadn’t suspected them till Barbatos actually bulled their tail off and Barbatos says MC’s willingness to put all their faith in a person is both their greatest virtue and their greatest weakness and it made their job very easy. Asmo giggles about how he even managed to take a picture of the shock on MC’s face. I like to imagine MC’s just lying flat, face down on the ground stewing in misery. MC raises their head from the floor to demand how they could lie to them like that. Solomon bursts out laughing (and MC thumps back onto the floor) and asks them to hear him out before they get mad. He says the game wasn’t the exam and it was instead to see whether MC could resist the temptation to open Barbatos’s grimoire despite knowing how powerful it was. Asmo says they were even able to resist his attempts to sway them. Solomon says there are very few sorcerers and that they keep their existence secret from the public and they need people who they can trust to not reveal that secret no matter how great the temptation to do so is. Barbatos says the grimoire they had is fake and there would have been consequences if they’d opened it. Solomon says they passed the test and that they’re an amazing person who deserves their fifth star – chastity. Asmo congratulates them and MC either thanks them, says they’re really happy rn or says they’ll continue to work hard. Solomon says he’s as happy as if he was the one who passed the exam, he then asks Asmo if he can take a look at all the photos he took, Barbatos says Solomon looks way too happy and Asmo says that though Solomon said he was just testing MC, getting these pics might have been one of his goals too. Solomon laughs and says maybe. And that’s it. I actually really liked this whole arc and how he gave more backstory for Barbatos, Solomon, Asmo and even Diavolo while still keeping Barbatos and Solomon’s pasts secretive and it’s got me frothing at the mouth for more. I also like how they established the relationship dynamics between Barbatos and Solomon and Barbatos and Asmo. I really wanna see more interactions between Solomon and MC too…

[bimbosupreme]

mephistopheles love post

the equivalent of a mental breakdown tangent is all going under a read more

yes believe it or not that freaky ass literally not even human clown in fgo gets love, and love from who? me and like 3 other people

first off

ok and with that out of the way,

i’m not even familiar with their lore. Reason why i stopped caring about the lore behind faust and mephistopheles is that an interlude happens that shows that mephistopheles is just some homunculi made by some mage nobody named faust. and even then the interlude doesn’t talk about the lore behind the novel, its just you helping mephy kill faust

that being said though i would hope the developers expand on their origins more and potentially even release a “true” mephistopheles (a girl can dream)

So, they’re not even the real deal demon known as Mephistopheles in the first place, and i can hear u going “well that’s lame” and like, no, we just need to redirect our feelings from appreciating a demon to appreciating a homunculi who has a weird characterization in the fate universe

Design tangent:

Fgo was actually my first gacha, and so when I came across this servant I kinda instantly fell in love with their design, I love the colors used in their final ascension and overall appearance. The hat that has horns but they're not quite horns, theyre these weird colorful pointy twisty things, the large garish butterfly ornament on their chest (which isnt ugly at all and somehow works so well with their everything on them) is cool, the tights are so cool to look at, i mean look -- a checkered pattern with golden lining on the shorts portion, the tits out look like yes we get it youre insane, the gloves??? purple and also cool, plus theyve got this gradient thing going on? and the fingers have this line going through them, thats so cool. actually the only other servant that comes close to this in terms of “out there” colorful designs is probably final ascension kama and qsh ( i love them both). Also, mephy has this scissor weapon?? thats so cool lol i dont see any other servant wielding giant scissors (for the love of god give mephy an animation update i need to see them use the scissors while doing flips) and they also have this bomb obsession going on? cant relate, but the bombs designs are so so cool i mean its a fucking centipede -- no idea if centipedes are a thing in the original faust but thats something Ill have to look up at some point. ALSO mephy is wearing heels oh my god anytime people wear heels is an automatic win. No clue whats going on with the hair but its kinda cute (dont question me on that) and it has curls and the hair colors are cool i mean its like a lavender thing with darker purple highlights? i love colorful things and i love people with wacky personalities so. Oh my god their tail how could i forget that its so cute and dumb i almost forgot it was there, like what is that even a whip? i dont.. but its got these little purple tips to them that are kinda cute/cool but more cool because tails are fucking up there alongside heels in terms of cool stuff on characters. and of course their fluffly cape -- again no idea what the designers were going for i mean look its a mess of a design i have no fucking idea what any of it means and i hope they explain it someday because that hair and the butterfly and the tail and the hat and the fluffy garb and a bomb obsession?? and this got the go ahead - yeah lets add that to the game like what

ALSO LETS TALK ABOUT THEIR EYES

appreciate these with me for a second

god.

oh and the blue lipstick and face paint god thats a cool design ugh

they can be normal too or at least as normal as possible i mean they even trimmed their eyebrow here lol but you can see the not so well hidden insanity/goofiness peaking through with the inside of the suit at the bottom being highlighter purple and a green shirt with gold accents underneath the black coat at the front <3, fuckin hate that hairstyle tho bro we gotta get that middle part hairstyle outta hereeeee--

TAKE A DETOUR AND LOOK AT THIS LINK THOUGH THIS IS THE MOST NORMAL AND BEST IVE SEEN THEM IN FANART. THE POTENTIAL IS THERE. WE CAN HAVE NICE THINGS AND THEY LOOK GREAT ITS POSSIBLE. I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE FROM THAT DRAWING.

anyways this is me going off all about why i like their design! but we haven’t even touched the nitty gritty of it all. their personality! what personality you may ask? havent they always been some weirdo laughing a lot and saying dumb shit all the time? well yes and no

Characterization:

True to their dumb little clown design mephy also acts like one.

Some servants bond 1 lines are like “fuck off” and some actually talk to you, nah this bastard mephistopheles’ just laughing. and for the second bond line it seems to imply theyre fuckin with you more (showing up and dissapearing and saying ‘afterimage’) so thats nice that theyre actually making some effort to mess with you in a way? some servants take a long time to actually interact with you so this shows theyre not afraid of interacting with you and thats just at bond 2. and of course the third bond line implies they were probably trying to betray you, its stated in more than 1 place that mephistopheles (actually isnt this a caster class thing?) will betray you or attempt to do so. So the third bond line seems to imply that their attempts have been stopped by you and that’s what they say after some failed attempts. So after stopping this freak from doing some shit their next bond line is actually doing a confession! a jester being honest who couldve seen that one coming but theyre 100% not lying, they really arent a demon but a homunculi made by faust

speaking of faust we’re going to backtrack a little into their interlude that i brought up at the start of this post, its one of those dream interludes and it starts with mephy asking you to help him plant bombs for their eventual reuinion/showdown with faust -- in the meantime faust keeps sending golems in an attempt to kill both you and mephy

When you track faust down, it’s shown that faust was your typical mage, inhumane and uncaring. It’s also pointed out that this faust killed innocents, but this typical mage behavior is boring to mephy, and they say that boring typical behavior is why they wanted to kill them

 so i really cant blame mephistopheles for being the way they are, being raised by this type of guy, even if mephy was always messed up and wacky from the beginning its no reason for faust to attempt to kill him.

Mephistopheles also shows up in salem, cu alter’s interlude, and of course the knk crossover event, and some other things im most likely forgetting but those 3 are ones that i find notable

anytime they show up theyre actually helpful, in salem mephy points out that the nature of the being responsible for the salem epic of remnant is something alien rather than a typical foreign god, mephy also tells you that time is also being sped up and in their weird way they try to cheer you up by spouting some nonsense at the beginning (guda needed some kind of distraction from the grim events that had just transpired at that point in the story), i cant quite remember what mephy did in the knk event but they were a part of your group and were helpful the whole time, actually @/zeravmeta does an amazing analysis of their role in the knk event as well as some extra character analysis here

mephistopheles is kinda cryptic in a weird way though,

like overall i mean theyre a jester homunculi in appearance so yeah its to be expected but come on i love morally gray characters, despite their supposed betrayal hints scattered around here and there

they have this one line that always gets to me

and this line is said with a completely serious face too

the rare serious mephistopheles face! its kinda grim to see that line, no laughs, no nothing, their voice is kinda serious and monotone too. of course this could be just to get you to lower your guard but its still kinda out there that they have this rarely used portrait and that line, so i like to take it as being said to you when youre by yourself and with sincerity

and at least sei (with her wacky outfit and all lol) seems to get along with mephy and thinks theyre nice woohoo

so at the end of the day you have this guy that laughs a lot and gives mixed signals

and they fuck with you

and will most likely try to kill you more than once but hey thats just another tuesday at chaldea

Before I finish last thing I want to point out is this snippet from the fgo source material book which provides more information on servants, and this specific translated bit under mephistopheles

at the core of it all this homunculi....can be your friend! you just need to not go into despair i guess

of course this entire post is an overanalysis into an underwritten character, quarantine + all online college classes have done this to me, i have a douman icon what did you expect

OH...BEFORE I REALLY SIGN OFF AND FINISH THE POST HEY CLOWN LOVERS CHECK OUT THESE FANARTS AND FANARTISTS...

THE FIRST ONE IS HASENDOW YES THE DOUMAN DESIGNER... <3

i cant believe they drew mephy

twice !

and for those of you on twitter check out @cuz_pb and @L0VEYAMA003

[sameheart-sameblood]

When Words Fail

pairing: clone trooper x reader

summary: saying goodbye to your lover when they’re deployed never gets easier but this time is especially hard

words: 1k 

warnings: angst, mentions of war

a/n: i was getting some work done at a cafe and was distracted by this couple that was saying their goodbyes but couldn’t tear themselves away from each other. they just held each other for 30 minutes (yes, i kept count because im sad lol). then all i could think about was how hard it would be to say goodbye to your clone significant other every time they left. and i couldn’t choose a clone so you can imagine whoever you want!

read on ao3!

It never gets easier, the goodbyes. The constant worry that this may be it, the last time you see your lover again. It never stops. But now instead of a stabbing in your gut, it’s more of a gnawing in your heart.

Your worry hasn’t lessened so much, it’s just become easier to accept. You hate that feeling of resignation, cursing the forces that make it so you must constantly live in fear that the person you hold dearest might be untimely ripped from you.

The unfairness of it all has almost driven you crazy before. Only the sight of him, stepping off the Star Destroyer and into your arms each time is enough to beat the madness back, at least until the next time he ships out. His presence alone is enough to make you forget how close you came to almost losing yourself.

It never gets easier and yet here you are, doing it all over again. You hold him so close as if trying to absorb him, making him even more a part of yourself than he already is. Your grip tightens and if it weren’t for his armor, you’re sure he would have admonished you, albeit gently so, for squeezing so tight.

Maybe if you hold him tightly enough, they won’t be able to take him from you. A childish thought but you try it all the same, hoping this will be the time that it works. You don’t realize how scrunched in concentration and stubbornness your features are until you hear a breathless chuckle from the man you’re currently squeezing like a python.

“Easy, love. You’re gonna break something if you keep this up. Of mine or yours.” He looks down at you with a loving smile, but his face falls when he sees the state you’re in. You don't seem to have heard him, still clinging to him fiercely, your face buried in his chest.

It isn’t comfortable, the plastoid armor he wears is meant to protect what’s inside and repel what comes in contact with it. But right now, at least to you, it seems to be the most comforting thing in the world. The dull pain now growing in the cheek pressed to it is a helpful reminder that he’s still here, safe and sound.

He gently cups your face, trying to get you to look at him. You resist for a moment until his soft voice encourages you. “It’s alright. Just please let me see you. While I still can.” You finally bring your gaze to his. He tries to keep his expression from falling as he sees your despair.

This isn’t any easier for him and you know it. Before you, he didn’t let himself dwell on those he might leave behind. He knew his brothers would mourn him. His general would miss him. But how would you get through his absence? Now it was all he could think about.

You sniffle and turn your face away. “I don’t want this to be the way you remember me.” Your eyes meet and you lose your composure all over again, returning your head to the safety of his chest. He doesn’t prompt you to look at him this time.

Instead, he lets you be, just holding you, rocking gently back and forth. He doesn't know any words to comfort you. The promises he used to mutter in your ear, the ones he knows he might not be able to keep, have long since lost their meaning.

And so the two of you continue to clutch at each other. In your mind, the outside world ceases to exist. Others pass you by but avert their gazes. His brothers offer no playful taunts or jabs when they see you. They’re used to having to witness your usual lascivious goodbyes, all kisses and desire. But this farewell is different and they know not to interrupt.

It’s only when his general calls to him that you slowly come back to reality. Your lover calls your name softly and you don’t hide this time. He looks at you as if memorizing some work of art. There are so many things you want to say to him but voicing them out loud would never feel like enough.

He sees the conflict in your eyes and offers you a small smile. Usually he’s the one who can never find the right words. Instead, he offers you a kiss, pouring all of his love and affection into it, hoping it conveys just how much you mean to him. How incomplete he feels without you.

He gently pulls away and it takes every ounce of your willpower to not grab him back. But you have an audience now and so you square your shoulders and put on the bravest face you can muster. It’s your best impression of a soldier and it never fails to make him laugh. You can’t help but smile yourself at his amusement.

The engines of the ship power up, your cue to leave. You give him one last lovesick look, caressing his cheek. You squeeze his hand and turn away, letting the tears fall freely now. You only make it a few steps until you’re pulled back and he grabs your face, pressing his lips to yours for one last kiss.

You break apart and he runs to the ship, fighting the urge to steal a glance back. As he settles inside, he finally lets himself look through the nearest porthole. There you are. Still watching, crying your eyes out but refusing to leave until you see him off.

His chest tightens, the love he has for you too much to keep contained in one heart. The ship lifts into the sky and you slowly disappear from sight. And yet he still continues to look out at the now speck of a planet you call home. He makes a silent promise, then and there, that if he makes it through the war, he’ll never leave your side again. The thought is enough to sustain him until he can be in your arms once more.