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makeste · 3 years ago

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“but I thought about how I needed to say this”

a.k.a. yet another meta dissection of The Apology. I actually wrote most of this up on Friday night based on the original Japanese (@pikahlua has an excellent translation up here, and I also used @hanashimas’ translations as a reference as well), but I wanted to wait until the official release, though that turned out to be a mixed bag to say the least lol.

I would also recommend reading @pikahlua and @class1akids’ breakdowns of this scene (here and here, respectively), because they are excellent, and because if any scene deserves to have as many meta breakdowns written about it as possible, it’s this one.

anyway so here goes.

Caleb did a more accurate job with this than the fanscan, even if he did try his best to take us out of the seriousness of the moment by throwing in that swiss cheese line lol. anyway so there are two things I want to talk about here. the first is the line about Izuku not remembering, which I thought was a nice touch. of course he doesn’t remember what Kacchan said back then. he wasn’t exactly in the soundest emotional state after seeing one of the people he cares about most taking a near-fatal blow that was meant for him. I’d be shocked if he remembers anything about the aftermath (including the way he flew into a mindless rage afterwards) right up until the point when he entered the OFA Interstellar Party Void with Tomura. anyway, so I thought that was a nice callback.

and speaking of emotional states, the other thing I wanted to talk about is the part that Caleb got right which the fan scanlation didn’t. “but I had more to say.” in other words, “stop trying to win on your own” wasn’t just a one-liner; it was meant to be the beginning of a much longer speech. “there were other things that I needed to say.”

like, can we just stop and talk about that for a second. because basically what this means is that in that instant, when Kacchan pushed Deku out of the way and got impaled, his one and only thought was that he needed to apologize to Deku. his life was presumably flashing before his eyes, he had no idea if he was going to survive or not, and the only thing on his mind was how urgently he needed to make things right with his former childhood friend.

moving on!

so I have a confession to make, which is that I am relieved to see Katsuki describing this as the reason why he bullied Deku, as opposed to Horikoshi trying to retcon it into some sort of “secretly he was just trying to protect him and keep him out of harm’s way because he was worried” thing, which ngl would not have gelled very well with me. the thing is that I’m really not a fan of the whole “Kacchan Did Nothing Wrong” mentality that some fans seem to have. like, I have seen all sorts of convoluted attempts to find excuses for Katsuki’s shitty behavior, but in my view those attempts undermine what I love about his character in the first place. Katsuki is such a great character specifically because he is not perfect. his redemption arc is so compelling because he was such a giant asshole at the start. he was completely at fault, and he acknowledges this, and takes full responsibility for it. and that is fucking fantastic.

his arc is so great because it doesn’t rely on garnering sympathy by giving him a Tragic Past, or by trying to foist the blame for his behavior over on someone else. it’s an arc that acknowledges that redemption isn’t something you achieve by making people feel sorry for you; it’s something you have to earn by actively working to change and do better. and by forgoing the “misunderstood/tragic past” route, Horikoshi is making a statement that anyone can go down the wrong path, but that more importantly, anyone can also choose at any time to turn away from said path. there is only one requirement for doing so, and that is realizing that you’ve done wrong, and deciding that you want to change.

anyway, so in chapter 284 Kacchan of course had that whole speech about Deku not taking himself into account, and mentioned how that made him want to keep his distance. and a good chunk of fandom took this to mean that Katsuki’s bullying was actually a misguided response to Deku’s reckless tendencies -- sort of an “if I show him how weak and powerless he really is, I can get him to accept the reality that he’s quirkless, and that being a hero will just get him hurt or killed” type of thing. and I won’t lie, for a good while I was wondering myself if Horikoshi was really going to go down that route. and like I said, I am honestly relieved that he didn’t. not only for the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, but also because the message that would have sent -- that there are certain circumstances in which bullying can almost be excused because the bully had Good Intentions and was just trying to save the other person from themselves, and so it Wasn’t That Bad, Actually -- is all kinds of fucked up to say the least. so yeah, I’m glad we ended up steering well clear of that.

(ETA: this post was long enough already so I edited out the 3 additional paragraphs I originally wrote analyzing the dialogue from 284. but just to be clear, I’m not trying to imply that Kacchan worrying about Deku’s recklessness is a retconned thing that Horikoshi only threw into the story recently, because there are multiple instances throughout the story where he clearly is worried and in total denial of it. but I firmly believe those feelings are not what led to the bullying. they’re two separate things. Kacchan worrying about Deku is what prompts him to yell at him in chapter 1 when Deku comes to save him. but it’s not what incited him to burn his notebook and taunt him earlier in that same chapter. that action had a much meaner and more selfish motivation behind it, and I’m glad Horikoshi didn’t try to change it up last minute, because it wouldn’t have felt right.)

thankfully as of this chapter I think we can safely cross that out as a possibility, as we’re given the true explanation straight from Katsuki himself. and the truth is that he bullied Deku out of insecurity and jealousy and fear and intolerance. there was nothing noble about it. there were no good intentions concealed in his actions. there are no justifications given, no excuses offered, and no mitigating circumstances to be considered, other than the fact (which neither he nor Horikoshi bring up) that he was and is still a child, and that children make mistakes.

it’s an explanation that challenges many of fandom’s ideas on who is and isn’t eligible to be redeemed. there is no Ozai in Katsuki’s backstory. there’s no great tragedy that he spent a lifetime trying to rise above. the only villain in Katsuki’s story is Katsuki himself. the only darkness that he has to overcome is his own. and it’s challenging, because I think many people believe the only way someone can be redeemed for doing bad things is if bad things happen to them in return. but what Horikoshi is saying here is that that’s not the case. bad doesn’t erase bad. and the one and only way to truly earn redemption is by doing good.

and that’s what makes this such a phenomenal scene for me. by not shying away from Katsuki’s flaws and failings, and having him take full responsibility for them, Horikoshi keeps the apology from being self-serving, and underscores the true depth of Katsuki’s character development. the level of self-awareness he has here is something most people can only dream of. which is very fitting, as that’s perhaps the most important takeaway from his character arc -- that it’s only by acknowledging your own weaknesses and flaws that you can learn to overcome them and reach your full potential.

one last thing to point out here, which is that in the panel where Katsuki finally acknowledges his terrible treatment of Deku, Deku is not even visible. instead, Horikoshi drew the panel from a perspective that makes it appear that Katsuki is addressing this particular line not just to Deku, but to all of his classmates.

again, he shows him taking full responsibility and admitting his wrongdoings in front of the people whose opinions and approval he cares about most. and just to clarify in case there’s any confusion from Caleb’s translation, Kacchan’s wording makes it very clear that he wasn’t just “mean” to Deku, but that he full-on bullied him (he uses the same verb -- “ijimeru” (苛める) -- that he did back in chapter 284). there’s no attempt to downplay his actions here.

moving on now, this chapter also reaffirmed another thing about Deku and Kacchan’s relationship which I was glad to see revisited -- Kacchan’s unwavering belief in Deku’s ability. this is one of those paradoxical things about their relationship which I’ve always been fascinated by, but which is also kind of hard to explain, because I don’t want it to come off like I’m trying to put a positive spin on something which was unequivocally awful. like, please don’t think I’m trying to say that Katsuki’s bullying of Deku was in any way a good thing. but that being said, there’s also a strange irony at play here, which is that Katsuki’s jealousy and insecurity also betray the fact that even at his very worst, he never once underestimated Deku. he has always believed in Deku’s strength, even when that strength pissed him off and made him afraid and uneasy.

no one else -- not All Might, or even Deku’s own mom -- believed from the get-go that Deku could become a hero. but Katsuki never once counted him out, even when he was calling him a pebble in his shoe. he confesses here that even though he “tried to act superior by rejecting [Deku]”, in truth he was never able to shake the feeling that Deku was above him. long before he ever understood the concept of “win to save”, he knew instinctively that there was a strength in Deku’s heart that couldn’t be measured, and which had the potential to surpass even his own strength. and I’ve always felt that this was so important, because it’s the one aspect of their early relationship that hinted that on some level, however subconscious, Katsuki held the same type of faith in Deku that Deku always held in him. it was one of the few things that hinted at there being a possible path towards reconciliation one day. and it paved the way for the most important shift in their relationship to date, when Katsuki finally realized who Deku got his quirk from, and responded not with resentment or spite, but with acceptance.

moving on, I also really love the way we see them portrayed at the different stages of their childhood throughout this speech, and how it perfectly lines up with the dialogue. from small children (when Katsuki talks about his insecurities first manifesting), to middle schoolers (when he talks about the bullying), to high schoolers (when he talks about the past year and everything he’s learned at U.A.). Horikoshi really didn’t have to go that hard, but he did, and that’s why we love him.

and then we finally get to That Part.

where do I even start with this there are so many things omg.

the bow. this is the one and only time Katsuki has ever bowed to anyone of his own volition as far as I recall. and this absolutely is a bow, just to be clear, even though his form is straight-up garbage (very Kacchan-esque, with his feet and arms spaced apart because he’s still a punk after all). this is Kacchan showing more humility and respect than he’s ever shown to anyone else in his entire life.

regarding “Izuku”, I actually have mixed feelings about this to tell the truth. I think it was a good call here because it was incredibly effective in setting the tone and showing just how serious Kacchan is. however if he continues to use “Izuku” rather than “Deku” from here on out, that would give the impression in hindsight that all his past usage of “Deku” really was meant as an insult, which would undermine some of my favorite scenes. I would really like to believe that since DvK2 or thereabouts, Kacchan has (mostly) been using “Deku (affectionate)” rather than “Deku (useless loser)”, lol. but if he switches to the “nicer” name on a permanent basis following his apology, it implies that the previous nickname was indeed being used cruelly. and so honestly I hope this was just a one-time thing, because I do think that in Katsuki’s mind, the name “Deku” hasn’t been meant as a slight to him for a long time now.

“my truth/this is what I truly feel” -- the word Katsuki uses in Japanese is honne (本音), and if you’re familiar with the concept of honne/tatemae, that’s the same “honne” he’s talking about here. it means that he’s casting aside all of his walls and facades and expressing what he truly feels. and of course, one of the fascinating things about Katsuki’s character is that he’s the exact opposite of most people in that he chooses to put his meanness on full display to the public, and ironically it’s the kindest parts of himself which he tends to keep the most carefully guarded and hidden away. this also means that while his rage and anger are very often insincere and put on just for show, those relatively few occasions where he lets his humanity truly shine through are pretty much 100% genuine, as is the case with this one here.

and Deku’s face says it all when it comes to how powerful those moments can be as a result.

and this, right here, is why it wasn’t enough for Katsuki to atone solely through his actions, and why he needed to actually say the words as well. it’s not that the words are more important; obviously the actions are far and away the most important part, and carry far more meaning. but the reason why Katsuki needed to say the words as well is simply because Izuku needed to hear them. needed to, and deserved to, because this is one of the most important people in the world to him.

and so he deserves to know that the relationship isn’t just one-sided, and that he is just as important to Kacchan as Kacchan is to him. he deserves to know that Kacchan understands how horribly he treated him, and that he’s sorry for it. and he deserves to know that Kacchan, without any expectation of it changing their relationship -- meaning that he will continue to feel this way regardless of what Izuku says or does from here on out -- cares about him. now more than ever, with AFO out there doing everything in his power to make Izuku feel as alone as possible, this is something that he really, really needed to hear.

so this part has some interesting wordplay which neither Caleb’s translation nor the fan scanlation was really able to get across. basically, in the Japanese version, when Katsuki talks about “those ideals”, Horikoshi uses the kanji for “ideal”, but pronounces it as “All Might.” obviously the meaning of this isn’t too hard to decipher, as we all know how much both boys admire All Might. to them, he absolutely is synonymous with the Ideal. so this is a way of showing that respect they both have towards him, even as Katsuki goes on to point out the one fatal flaw that All Might was never able to overcome.

and speaking of interesting wording, as others have noted, at this point in his speech Katsuki switches from “temee” (which he was using earlier during the “your strengths and my weaknesses” part) to “omae” (“omae” being a less insulting word for “you”, though still very manly and tough-sounding), which is definitely a big deal. though fwiw this is not the first time he’s used “omae” for Deku (he switches to it briefly right after DvK2, when he tells Deku “you had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you -- don’t lose”, and then later when they’re walking back to the dorms and he says he’ll learn and get stronger by watching everyone around him just like Deku did). it’s definitely a good choice on Horikoshi’s part though, as it makes this last part of the speech sound more earnest and sincere.

just a quick note, he does indeed use a plural pronoun here, as in “the obstacles that you can’t overcome, we will overcome.” but as @pikahlua pointed out, the “we” here is ambiguous -- it could either mean “we” as in class 1-A -- “we will overcome them for you” -- OR it could mean “we” as in all of them -- class 1-A and Deku. “we will overcome them together.” idk about you, but I know which one gets my vote.

anyway, and so this is the line that finally wins Deku over and allows him to let go of his fears, however briefly. what I love about this is Kacchan’s utter conviction. one thing that Caleb’s translation doesn’t quite get across is Kacchan’s use of the word morenaku -- “without exception” -- when he talks about how they’re going to save everyone and win. it echoes that same sentiment he showed back during the Joint Training arc -- that it’s not a perfect victory unless they save everyone. every last person. and he explicitly lists Deku among their number, just so there can be no doubt.

and Deku’s response to this (or at least his thoughts, since he’s not really able to get many words out) pretty much brings everything full circle here.

he acknowledges that everyone else has gotten ahead of him. which is especially meaningful given who he’s standing directly across from. because for most of the series, as we all well know, it’s been Kacchan who was woefully lagging behind Deku in the character growth department. but now Deku himself is acknowledging that not only has Kacchan finally caught up at last, but that he and the others have surpassed him. which is only temporary, I should add, as I have zero doubt that Deku will catch up again soon. but the fact remains that just as Deku’s rapid increase in strength and skill left Kacchan scrambling to keep up earlier in the series, Kacchan’s extraordinary character development has now left Deku in that same position. as All Might once put it, “when he’s starting at level one, and you’re already at level 50, it’s only natural that you’ll be growing at different rates.”

and what’s so wonderful about this though is that the two of them are finally approaching that point where they’ve both caught up to each other and are finally starting to level out. Deku is a full-on badass, and Kacchan is out here talk-no-jutsuing with the best of them. the two of them have been chasing and chasing after each other this entire time, and now they’re finally just about ready to meet in the middle at long last, with each of them fully embodying both of those two crucial aspects -- win, and save.

just about. because Deku still needs some help catching up. but seeing as help has already been offered -- and accepted -- I can’t imagine it will be very long now, and I can’t wait to see him finally overcoming those fears and doubts with his friends by his side. it’s going to be such a powerful moment.

and last but not least,

or, as I prefer,

you had one job, Caleb. flkjsdlk.

but at least this provides a good opportunity to note that unlike the “we’ll help you handle it” line earlier in the speech, here the phrasing is left up to interpretation, as he doesn’t use a pronoun. so it could be “we know”, or, as the fan scanlation put it, “I know.” or it could be both. regardless, it’s good stuff.

anyway, and so Deku passes out, and in the process Horikoshi gives us one last parting metaphor, just in case anyone still thinks Kacchan is all talk because they haven’t been paying attention for the past 322 chapters (more likely than you think). once again, Katsuki’s actions speak louder than his words (even his nice words) ever could: he is literally there to catch Deku when he falls.

so that’s it! my sincere thanks to anyone who actually read through all of my endless ramblings about this scene which I have been waiting for since day one. props to Horikoshi for taking on an impossibly difficult task, and pulling it off with all of the emotion and care and nuance that I’ve come to expect from his writing. imo he delivered on every single level with the exception of the aftermath, which I don’t consider to have actually happened yet. Deku’s part of this is definitely a “to be continued.” but yeah, as far as Kacchan’s part goes, 10/10. so fucking proud of this kid.

#bnha 322 #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bnha meta #bakugou meta #deku meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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idiotwhotalkstoomuch · 4 years ago

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Snow White was certainly an interesting child to say the least.

She was still a little baby when Yuu met her and she couldn’t help but see how adorable her now adoptive step granddaughter-in-law was.

Little was Yuu aware of the jealous look Grimhilde gave her when she watched Yuu play with Snow White with a happy and content expression.

——————

The sudden death of the king certainly shocked Yuu however it wasn’t the most surprising thing in the world.

A sudden illness was normal in these times, she simply found it unfortunate that Grimhilde was now a widow so young and that Snow White was now an orphan.

During the funeral, Yuu comforted the crying Snow White as her papa’s coffin was lowered and she lost her only remaining biological parents. Still oblivious to her adopted daughter’s look of jealousy.

——————

Many changes were made once the court stopped mourning for the king.

The most notable ones was that Grimhilde was now regent for Snow White who was supposedly going to be the next monarch but nobles we’re searching and squabbling over possible replacements for the young, orphaned princess.

Furthermore, Grimhilde insisted that Snow White become a maid saying that “this child will grow up spoiled and become useless as a queen unless she take on a more humble upbringing similarly to what she had growing up which Yuu always found harsh to a girl that lost her parents but kept silent trusting Grimhilde knew what she as doing.

When the nobles realized they would have to settle with Snow White with the possible replacements either gone or unacceptable to the people, they agreed on Grimhilde’s plans for Snow White.

Officially due to agreeing with her vision but Yuu had a feeling that they planned to take power from Snow White when she matured using her humble upbringing to their advantage.

She could only hope Grimhilde could protect Snow White when that time would come.

Oh if only she knew just how wrong that statement was.

——————

It only became apparent just how much Grimhilde craved the spotlight when she became the regent/queen and demanded that Yuu stop focusing on Snow White and look at her instead so she could allow the girl to grow on her own and to help her with the kingdom.

Yuu had her grievances at the idea but decided to let it go since Snow White never seemed to really mind being a maid, though Yuu did make sure Snow White wasn’t in complete rags at the very least.

——————

Snow White was 14 when she met the prince.

Fourteen

She understood that princesses usually get married around their infant years but she couldn’t help but worry as she saw Snow White get flirty with the prince of just what was going to happen to her in her uncertain future.

Grimhilde appeared upset at Snow White’s interaction with the prince but Yuu was wondering if she was going crazy when Grimhilde appeared jealous.

She knows confronting Grimhilde is the best solution but she wonders if it’s her place.

Grimhilde took care of herself for the most part being actually reasonably self sufficient and taught herself magic and had a better education than Yuu.

Yuu ultimately decides to trust Grimhilde.

What a misguided decision that was.

#twisted wonderland #twst #mc/yuu #immortal!yuu #pomefiore #Grimhilde

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kiruuuuu · 4 years ago

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Protection Mountain: The Finale⛰️

Yes. It is here.

Montagne/Bandit conquered my heart so quickly with what was meant to be a oneshot, then turned into a small series of oneshots, and ended up as my longest series in Siege. And now their main story is coming to an end. I would like to thank absolutely everyone who participated in this journey, be it through direct messages, magnificent art, shared ideas, comments, reblogs, likes, the simple act of reading and enjoying - you helped make this happen, you motivated and encouraged me. Thank you for falling into this bottomless hole with me 💖

A special thank you goes out to @ekhap, who commissioned this piece in the first place - without you, it’s likely I never would’ve written it. I’m so happy you enjoyed it, and I hope all of you who stuck around long enough to read this will too.

I have actually managed to post the entire series on AO3 as well, so you can comfortably read (or re-read) it here!! And without further ado, here is the final chapter of Protection Mountain. (Rating T/M, hurt/comfort + a ridiculous amount of fluff, ~8.5k words)

“I’m leaving tomorrow”, says Madeleine, voice soft and always a reprieve from the harsh reality of the hospital room around them. “I don’t think coming back will be necessary this time.”

Montagne squeezes her hand, making her smile.

She’s been juggling family and career for her entire life and right now is no different: on slower or off days, she hops on the train to visit, taking the opportunity to report on some local stories on the way, utilising her travel time to write up or edit her pieces. A busy bee, always worried about being overshadowed by her older brother. They haven’t seen each other this much for years and though the occasion could be merrier, Montagne is fiercely grateful for her presence. He’s unloaded some of his worries onto her and she onto him, and somehow they ended up lighter than before. Tourés tend to stick together, given the opportunity.

“Why do you say that?”

“You might not realise, but you’re looking much better, Gilles. You’ll be let loose on the world again soon.”

They exchange a quick grin over her choice of words. She’s certainly more of a menace to society than he is, and they both know it.

Next to her, Lion is sitting in a second chair, rigid. He’s confessed to Montagne in private that Madeleine reminds him of his mother – whatever that might entail – and so he’s unfailingly awkward around her, probably ruing the fact that they happened to drop by at the same time today. Dealing with strangers isn’t usually a problem for him; dealing with family of friends, however, is.

Apparently, Bandit won Madeleine over immediately, surprisingly enough. She says it’s his horrific German accent whenever he attempts to speak French and his deadpan humour, but Montagne is relatively sure she senses a bit of how much Bandit cares for him. Tourés are also protective of each other, siblings even more so. She wouldn’t have told him a thing about Montagne’s current condition if she hadn’t thought his worry genuine.

And then, out of the blue: “Cathérine called me.” She still sounds conversational, but her gaze becomes a tad more attentive.

Montagne stills.

Lion’s gaze is jumping back and forth between them, the man even more uncomfortable now.

It’s the last person he expected Madeleine to mention, so he needs a second to compose himself. “What about?” He tries to search for emotions, for any kind of reaction to encountering his wife’s – ex-wife’s name, but comes up empty. It’s like hearing about an old, lost friend of his: someone who once used to be important enough to be mentioned in his will, now someone who barely counts as a remnant in his thoughts.

“You, of course. Maman tattled and, eventually, it reached her. She wanted to know how you are and whether contacting you directly is a good idea.”

“And your reply?”

“I said I’d ask you.”

He nods, thankful. During their divorce, too many people presumed what would be best for either side instead of addressing them directly. It didn’t feel like their own private business anymore, somehow it affected everyone and so everyone was entitled to an opinion and a listening ear. He appreciates Madeleine allowing him this kind of control. “I don’t think she has my current number. Please give it to her and let her know I’d be happy to talk.”

And that’s that. They kiss cheeks and do a half-hug, exchange verbal pleasantries which are nonetheless heartfelt, and then she and her mild perfume are gone, leaving behind a slightly relieved-looking Lion.

“You do look a lot better, you know”, he confirms Madeleine’s earlier assessment, and though he seems intent on changing the topic – for him, family is still a sore topic most days –, Montagne’s mind lingers. Vague memories form a blurry whole, the image so distant it may well originate in a film he once saw or a book he once read.

Catou used to be his entire world and there were days he was convinced he couldn’t go on if she were to leave him. Yet time, the wound-healer, sometimes corrodes instead – and in their case, it must’ve mistaken their passion and devotion for sickness, for it cured them. They noticed before comfort turned into indifference, but only barely. By the time they decided on breaking up, another man was involved as well, though Montagne assigns him no blame whatsoever. Until their divorce was finalised, Catou kept her friend at arm’s length and he never even attempted to get any closer; but while she didn’t allow herself to fall in love again until Montagne openly gave his blessing, he could see the seeds growing already.

Neither of them cheated, he knows this for a fact. They’d never. He noticed how she became aware of the possibility of being with another man after a few of their long talks which denoted the beginning of the end, and while it hurt, he vowed not to stand in her way. If he couldn’t support her, he at least didn’t want to hinder her.

What hurt the most wasn’t any misguided feeling of betrayal or even jealousy, no. It was the realisation that he simply didn’t suffice. He gave her his everything and it turned out it wasn’t enough.

Maybe this is why he won’t accept Bandit’s proposal: the creeping fear of committing fully and finding it to have been in vain.

“You never spoke about her.” His friend has indubitably noticed his mood by now, or maybe the lack of response gave it away.

He supposes he hasn’t. Neither to Bandit nor to Lion, actually, not even when the topic had strayed to Claire and Alexis. “There isn’t much to say”, he summarises well over a decade of companionship, eroded and erased slowly by the very thing which tainted it in the first place: time apart. “We fell in and then out of love. She was a remarkable woman. She deserves someone who can keep up with her.”

Lion fidgets a little, avoids eye contact. Montagne’s words might’ve struck a chord but he’s too exhausted, too restless to talk it out. Madeleine’s statement has given him hope that he can leave soon, leave Bandit’s birthplace behind, hopefully to return and make happier memories in the future.

His friend’s next question catches him off guard. “Why did you marry her?”

It’s so much out of character for him to ask that Montagne needs a few seconds to come up with a reply. “I loved her, with all my heart. I expected to spend the rest of my life with her. Why do you -”

“Then why are you saying no to him?”

Montagne stares, shocked. The slight petulant undertone, the hint of defiance, the blunt accusation – Bandit himself could’ve posed the question, and it’s not for the first time Montagne realises how alike the two of them really are. But what leaves him utterly dumbstruck isn’t the implication of Lion approving of a marriage between them, no, it’s the fact that he can’t come up with a reasonable answer.

At least not one which doesn’t sound like an excuse.

He must’ve realised the impact his words have left behind, so Lion swiftly changes topics yet again, allowing for Montagne to recover and respond to a few simple inquiries, but nothing really manages to soften the blow.

~*~

There’s a reason he chose le Roc over more modern, flashier, possibly more efficient alternatives.

When he was younger, he used to hide his height by slouching, felt embarrassed by the fact that he’d stick out due to something he neither chose nor controlled – as a tall, muscular man, he’s perceived as intimidating or, worse, a challenge. He reacted to mentions of his physique with sheepish smiles and laughed it off when people referred to his ability to beat up whomever he liked, portraying it as enviable.

It took him a while until he began seeing his build as an advantage. It took friends confessing they felt safe with him around. Acquaintances appreciating his company during the dark. His soon-to-be wife admiring his drive to put his stature to good use. Ultimately, it influenced first impressions only, a quick glance upwards, but as soon as people heard him speak gently, noticed his aversion to unnecessary violence, be it verbal or otherwise, they forgot about his impressive physique immediately.

Like le Roc, it’s a shield. He utilises his own body to protect others and has subconsciously done so his entire life, be it to separate his little sister from her bullies, friends from aggressors, or even two agitated strangers: he absorbs the blows which to him are no more than light punches whereas they could cause more harm on their intended victims. He’s been likened to a mastiff and their instinctual drive to break up fights by simply standing in the way.

Like le Roc, it’s an asset. And like le Roc, it can get damaged.

What he hadn’t realised is just how much he relies on his body to function exactly the way he needs it to.

His life is his job, they’re irredeemably intertwined, and imagining one without the other is … nigh impossible. His mind struggles to come up with alternatives – helping others is in his essence, but picturing himself working in a nursing home maybe or a school, a community centre, is madness to him. Catou had been very involved in these kinds of projects, volunteered wherever there was a need, and while he saw the good she did, the joy she spread, she had a certain soft touch he simply lacks.

He’s a mountain. He can kill and besiege and protect and recover and rescue, but the thought of being responsible for children not his own, or the well-being of elderly people, terrifies him. A small mistake, a brief distraction could prove fatal. He’s trained for combat.

He needs to recover.

Sometimes, he wakes up and can’t feel his limbs. He hasn’t stood on his own two legs for who knows how long. Movement hurts, lying down hurts, existence hurts. But what hurts most is the prospect of never returning to the work he’s destined for.

No one is allowed to catch a glimpse of his frustration as he feels it’s ungrateful, possibly even malicious. Not only should he be elated over having survived at all, it would also imply he regrets having taken the actions he did, and nothing could be further from the truth. Saving Lion was inevitable; he just wishes he could’ve gotten away with less serious injuries. He wishes so fiercely. Bottling up his anger is destructive and being fully aware of how irrational his behaviour is merely continues the spiral of negativity, yet he’s powerless to change it. The people closest to him are still processing the shock of almost losing him and don’t need the added burden of his dread for his own future.

He wonders whether Bandit is repulsed by him. Aside from his atrophied muscles, he’s lost weight, there are the burns which will likely mark his body for the rest of his life, another ugly scar on one thigh where he’s been stitched up. His skin is discoloured in multiple places and he vividly remembers the way Madeleine winced when she visited him the first time. He already doesn’t consider himself overly attractive, so he must seem frightening. It doesn’t help that Bandit distanced himself the way he did at first – though it was likely the shock affecting him still.

Recently though, his lover has been doing much better. He’s been doing amazing, actually: when Bandit isn’t visiting him, he’s out and about, meeting with friends from the GSG9, eating at exotic restaurants, working out, keeping himself entertained. He keeps messaging Montagne, sending photos of dogs he meets or particularly tasty dishes they need to cook together (or rather attempt to), and every line of text lightens his heart. Bandit even keeps Six and Blitz up to date, informing Doc of Montagne’s condition unprompted, and converses with Madeleine as best he can. Of course, there are bad days sprinkled in now and then, days on which his gaze is endless and unfocused, days on which Bandit is either taciturn or won’t stop talking about unrelated things so Montagne can’t ask him how he’s doing. Recovery isn’t fast or linear, Montagne knows this.

He’s so goddamn proud nonetheless.

And even though seeing Bandit flourish, having watched him pick himself back up and carry on where he left off, witnessing the man he loves with all his heart succeed over this void in his chest once again causes Montagne’s chest to swell in pride and adoration, there’s a bitter note to it. An out-of-tune note, a scratchy, unpleasant one. Because Montagne believes he knows the reason for Bandit’s sudden motivation to improve his existence. And it’s not for its own sake, not for Bandit’s own benefit alone.

Montagne remembers stewing in his own thoughts, fighting the urge to call himself useless, agonising over what might become of him, and there’s no way Bandit didn’t catch him wiping his face when he burst into the room that one day a while back. He must’ve noticed how red Montagne’s eyes were, unusually red. He must’ve realised how fucking weak Montagne is. And probably decided it was his turn to take care of his love.

The next day, Bandit announced having joined a local gym for the time being, as well as his intention to watch a film by himself later. It can’t be a coincidence.

There’s nothing worse for Montagne than being a burden.

~*~

Bandit’s energy is enviable. It seems he’s attempted to prepare for every scenario imaginable: he’s washed all of Montagne’s clothes, bought a variety of snacks and pastries, piled magazines on the bedside table, purchased all kinds of toiletries and remedies including a remarkably well-stocked first aid kit, arranged lush-looking fruits on the small desk of their hotel room, and even produces ear plugs and a sleeping mask the moment Montagne mentions feeling vaguely tired.

It’s hard not to get swept up in the atmosphere his lover creates, especially when his own chest seems unusually light compared to the weeks prior – he’s elated to be discharged from the hospital, even if all kinds of other worries creep up on him during moments of quiet. Being able to return home is a wish he harboured without realising: he thought all he needed was distance from the very place that so consciously reminds him of his own frailty, but it turns out privacy and a new environment don’t suffice, not even close. Sharing a space with Bandit and Bandit only is an immense improvement, yet he longs to sleep in his own bed, feel like he belongs instead of being a perpetual guest. Still, he’s grateful for the spacious hotel room, some peace and quiet, and the assurance that no one is going to randomly check up on him anymore.

Except for Bandit, of course.

Maybe it was Madeleine’s comment which inspired him, or maybe he hadn’t realised how much he’d recuperated already, but once his sister had bidden farewell, his condition improved fast. It culminated two days ago, when Bandit entered his room to find him awkwardly holding on to the bed frame but standing, fully upright with no outside help, due to his own strength. He half expected to be scolded, though his weakness must’ve taken its toll on Bandit as well because all he did was burst into tears from happiness.

Montagne very nearly joined in.

Six arranged a flight directly once she received the message, paid for a wheelchair without batting an eye and ordered him to take it easy nonetheless. His leg will take a while to heal and the broken ribs forbid the use of crutches, so Montagne dutifully agreed and thought he could hear her smiling over the phone. He missed her curt, professional yet caring attitude, and it seemed she’d be glad to see him again as well.

All of which is why he’s allowed to spend his last night in Germany’s capital in the very same hotel room he occupied before it all fell apart. The life before tastes like honey, sweet and much too rich, thick in his throat and welding his mouth shut: how much he took his health for granted baffles him. How careless he was. How ungrateful. He longs to get back to lazy evenings with an oversized cat purring on his chest, to the chaos of messing up yet another recipe, their light-hearted bickering, not a care in the world. He’s desperate to return to it, without that creeping feeling of guilt over turning Bandit down for a mixture of sentimental, inadequate reasons he can’t even explain to himself. He lacks the words to express why the image of swapping rings or – heaven forbid – inviting his entire family to a big ceremony fills him with nothing but dread when instead he should be exuberant. Flattered, maybe.

“Do you want to shower?”

Bandit reminds him of a puppy, easily distractible and well-meaning, radiating pent-up energy. Montagne regrets having to refuse him anything. “No, I’d rather just read a bit and sleep. I can shower at home tomorrow.”

His lover very nearly pouts. “Are you saying I have to find another excuse to touch you all over?”

Montagne’s chuckle almost gets stuck in his throat. He’s not ready yet and has been racking his brain for reasons why they can’t sleep in the same bed, or why he won’t be able to undress at any point. He’ll have to deal with this eventually, but his foolish mind has convinced him he’ll be able to postpone it indefinitely if only he manages to use his injuries as a pretext.

If he wasn’t so fucking terrified, he’d call himself childish.

There’s no doubt Bandit has made an effort to tidy up the room, yet there are unmistakeable traces of his prolonged stay everywhere – the overflowing suitcase, tissues poking out from under furniture, too many cables for too many electronic devices carelessly strewn about. Housekeeping probably gave up after two weeks and resigned to only vacuum wherever possible and change the bedsheets, and the thought of exasperated staff dealing with the stubborn git he missed like hell makes him smile. He’s heard stories from various nurses and highly enjoyed Bandit’s redemption arc of starting out as a nightmare and turning into the highlight of their days. If he saw correctly, Bandit even bought them flowers. He must be very proud of his newly discovered move to weaken grudges.

“Wanna get on the bed?”, Bandit interrupts his thoughts a little too casually, so Montagne eyes him with suspicion.

“Do you want me to get on the bed?”

His better half purses his lips, probably considering whether it’s worth pretending like he has no idea what Montagne means (and oh, he hasn’t even considered this prospect, they’ll be finally alone and undisturbed, and despite his aversion to show any part of his skin, his body expresses some interest in the scenario) – but Bandit still manages to surprise him by muttering, almost embarrassed: “I just really want to cuddle right now.”

It’s disarmingly adorable, and Montagne’s heart melts. “Let’s do it, then”, he agrees. There’s some awkwardness in manoeuvring him out of the wheelchair and onto the much-too-soft mattress, but Bandit is stronger than he looks and able to provide enough support. As soon as Montagne sinks into the plushy pillows and Bandit presses himself against his side, all tension suddenly vanishes: his muscles relax, his thoughts calm down, his skin stops prickling. He hadn’t been aware how much he missed simple contact like this, the heat of another body against his own, the blissful feeling of being safe, being home, being loved.

This tiny bubble of everyday life suffices to soothe his cracked soul. He wishes he could wrap around Bandit fully, envelop him whole, drag him onto his chest, pull him into his arms – even offering his shoulder for Bandit’s head to rest on would help with his burning desire to be as close to him as possible, but for the moment he can’t. Not without considerable pain. Still, Bandit’s hand has slid into his, their fingers interlaced, and a gentle, regular breath caresses his cheek. Now and then, Bandit nuzzles him, presses a kiss to his cheek, sighs in contentment. They could stay like this for eternity.

And yet, Montagne’s guilt prohibits him from letting go completely. He has rejected this man. Refused to accept him into his life fully.

“If you wanna watch something, I pirated eleven films we haven’t seen”, Bandit murmurs against his jaw and makes him chuckle.

“I remember the hotel’s internet being unreliable. Don’t tell me you used public Wi-Fi? Mark would be horrified.”

“Yeah sure, I just sat down in the nearest McDonald’s and downloaded a hundred gigs of illegal stuff.” Bandit’s grin is boyish and attractive and so cute Montagne just wants to burn the image into his brain. “Better, actually – I asked one of the boys to do it. So we conspired together.”

“Are you going to miss them?”

Bandit thinks about it and eventually shrugs his shoulders. “Sure. It was nice seeing them again. But I think I miss everyone at Rainbow more. I haven’t been apart from everyone this long… ever, I think. Since I joined.” There’s more on his mind, Montagne can tell, so he waits and peeks down at the dirty blonde hair, the wild beard. Apparently Bandit decided shaving was too much of a hassle, so he gave up on it completely for the time being – and Montagne wholeheartedly understands. If he could grow one, he definitely wouldn’t be running around with naked cheeks.

After a while, Bandit adds, quietly: “I did visit Cedrick.”

Montagne wants to smack himself. How could he forget that Bandit’s twin still lives in Berlin? And while he’s proud of Bandit for taking the initiative and seeing him of his own accord, Montagne feels that he himself could’ve raised the possibility sooner. He knows they’re close, as close as any family member could ever hope to be with someone as fickle as Bandit, and he probably would’ve done wonders for Bandit’s psyche. “How is he? How is his family?”

“Good. They’re good. Gave me too much food, as usual. His wife got a promotion recently and the boys are doing great in school. They want to go to university later, imagine that. The first Brunsmeiers to go to uni.” Bandit glances up at him. “I also told them about you.”

There it is. He must’ve been dying to tell Montagne, judging by his pink cheeks and nervous fidgeting, and his demeanour as much as his words conjure up a bright smile on Montagne’s face. They had an unspoken agreement, an implied promise that they wouldn’t tell their families until they’re ready, which meant until Bandit was ready – coming out to friends was a big step, coming out to Rainbow a massive hurdle, and coming out to his family must’ve been a mountain to climb. His comfort zone has been steadily expanding, yet actions like these still turn Bandit into a skittish cat sometimes.

For someone with commitment issues like this, it’s incredible that Bandit decided for them to get married.

“Dom, mon amour, I am so proud of you.” He kisses Bandit’s temple and smiles even wider at his desperately dismissive mumbled reply of ‘’s nothing’. “That is wonderful news. How did they react?”

“Well, they wanted to meet you immediately.”

Yet they didn’t. Montagne’s smile fades a little. Did Bandit not want anyone to see him like this? Best case scenario, he figured that Montagne’s current state simply wouldn’t do him justice, and worst case… Would he be ashamed of him?

“But obviously, that didn’t work out, so I told them -”

“Why didn’t it?”

He must’ve noticed something, maybe an odd expression, because he reassures him instantly: “My love, I saw them yesterday evening. You’ll meet them soon enough, trust me. They were very supportive, in any case. I think Ced is just glad to know there’s at least one person out there who can tame me.” Bandit’s hand brushes over Montagne’s belly, toying with the hem of his shirt, and he puts his own over it.

Maybe he’s being dramatic. Thinking about it, his recent thought spirals followed a similar pattern to the dangerous ones Bandit entertains much too often, the ones Montagne has been trying to interrupt whenever he notices them. Except that Bandit can’t read minds as of yet and probably has no idea what’s going on with him, and how should he. Montagne hasn’t said a word. They haven’t mentioned their brief engagement, or whatever the fuck was going on for a bit, at all.

Maybe when Montagne said that he was worried about losing Bandit, he didn’t just mean Bandit’s own withdrawal from their relationship.

“I don’t like that you see me like this.”

Bandit reacts not, doesn’t glance upwards, but there’s a tightening of his half-embrace. He’s listening.

“I can’t stand it, in fact. I feel useless and powerless and I can tell it weighs you down as well.” Once he’s started speaking, the words nearly tumble out of his mouth by themselves, one by one does the truth finally spill over. “I’m sorry. You’re trying so hard, mon cœur, I know you’re trying so hard to be strong for me, and I love you for it, but… I don’t want this. I don’t want to be like this. I should be the one there for you.” His heart is heavy, his mind darkened and his eyes burning, threatening tears as evidence of his own fragility. Rarely do his emotions get the better of him yet his self-control is raw and worn out from too much use without a chance to replenish. “I know I should be grateful I survived, but I feel like an annoyance. I don’t even know if I can go back to Rainbow, I don’t know whether I’ll fully heal and I hate it.”

Before he can feel guilty for loading even more onto Bandit’s shoulders, his love cradles his head in surprisingly warm hands, whispers his name and puts their foreheads together. “It’s okay”, Bandit mutters, even though both of them know it isn’t, “Gilles, stop. It’s okay. Listen to me.”

Montagne expects platitudes and white lies, misplaced optimism, a few phrases people throw out and pat themselves on the back for consoling someone, but instead, Bandit says: “Look. All of this fucking sucks.”

Well. It sure does. Montagne frowns.

“I’ve been in the hospital before, I was injured pretty badly and felt less worthy than a sack of potatoes, believe me. I was hardly myself, I couldn’t sleep, the constant pain was horrendous and on top of that, all the pretty nurses were talking smack -”

This startles a small huff of amusement out of him and effectively interrupts his intrusive thoughts. “Aren’t you supposed to make me feel better?”

“- I’m getting to that part. But you probably know how degrading it is when you can’t even piss by yourself, right? That’s the fucking worst. You’re like a baby, and you definitely feel just as stupid. It was one of the worst months of my entire life. But you know what? I got better.”

Ah. There we go. Montagne’s mouth goes thin.

“No, I know what you’re thinking: empty promises. You don’t understand how true it is, though. I’ve been rock bottom a few times, but it gets better. You’ve been there for it, so you know what I mean. And don’t even think for a second that each rock bottom was the same level, no, there were times when everything seemed hopeless, but honestly? Each time, it got a little easier to get back out. To get out and get to a better level than before. My parents…” He catches himself and shakes his head a little. “I don’t wanna keep talking about me right now.”

Montagne nudges him. “Please do. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

A deep breath later, Bandit continues: “My parents valued independence highly, so Ced and I were encouraged to help ourselves, which I suppose is a good thing. But it also taught us to not rely on anybody else. To not expect any safety nets: you fall, that’s it. Convincing yourself it’s worthwhile to go on after you’ve fallen was hard. I felt like I failed at life, and for a bit, giving up was the better alternative. But I did have a safety net after all: Ced did his part, a few friends did, my boss, too. So it worked out.”

“But you got worse again”, Montagne mutters.

“Yes. I got worse. Still, by then I knew not only that it was possible to get back out, but also that others would help. Miles away from asking for help, mind you, but with more hope. I kept learning. And…” Despite his reluctance to go on, Montagne remains quiet and waits. Some part of him realises it’s something Bandit has to say. “And… as horrible as that sounds, as much as I don’t even want to imagine it… I think I’m at the point where I could go on without you. If you didn’t – didn’t make it, for example, I could… I think I could. The beginning would be the absolute fucking worst, no doubt, but I’d find something to – to make it worth it. To continue.”

Wordlessly, Montagne drags him into a bear hug. Presses their bodies even tighter together, ignoring the stabs of pain in his side, ignoring all his muscles protesting, ignoring the uncomfortable weight against his injured ribcage. He just needs this man like air all of a sudden, and it seems impossible to him how he could’ve ever rejected him in anything.

He knows exactly what Bandit means. It might be put in a morbid way, but he’s trying to express just how much Montagne has helped him. Comparing this version of him with the fragile creature he once warmed in his arms is unthinkable; this Bandit isn’t vulnerable anymore. And though he was hit hard by Montagne’s near-death, he ended up recovering, largely due to his own strength. A few years ago, he would’ve reacted very differently to nearly losing a loved one, that much is certain.

Bandit is clinging to him as well, taking measured breaths against his jaw and hiding his face. “You’re the strongest fucking person I know”, he whispers, voice cracking. “And even if you lost all your limbs or your eyesight or what the fuck ever, you’d still be you. You’d still be as great as you were before. That’s a fact, you dumbass. And if you can’t do Rainbow anymore, you’ll open a stupid dog café in Marseilles or sell Fairtrade products in a corner shop, I don’t bloody know. All I know is that you shouldn’t listen to that irritating voice in your head because it has absolutely no fucking idea what it’s talking about.”

By now, Montagne is chuckling and crying at the same time, overcome by too many emotions to be able to process any of them. It feels like he was allowed a deeper look in Bandit’s workings, like he’s able to understand him a little better. More importantly, he does feel significantly less stupid now that he knows Bandit is familiar with thoughts like these and already opened himself up about them.

“I’m also worried you’d be put off by all my injuries”, he admits after a while of comforting physical contact, feeling much more confident in himself and assured they can actually talk things out.

His better half lifts his head to squint at him in confusion. “Put off…? Like, grossed out? This is nothing, I once had someone in my arms whose guts were – wait, you don’t mean that I’d find you unattractive, do you?”

Montagne eyes his love for a moment, the man whose knees get weak whenever Montagne whispers a single filthy word in his ear, the man who has admitted to having more wet dreams about him than he’d like, the very man who so valiantly held himself back until Montagne allowed him to let loose, and who has never held back since. The man Montagne missed every lonely second he spent without him over the past weeks. “Well, I’d hope not”, he mutters.

Bandit looks at him like he grew two heads. “Are you serious?”

“The bruises still look quite bad, and all the -”

“Okay, listen. You stop talking. I’m going to kiss every one of your bruises until you’re not sure whether it hurts anymore, and then I’ll make you come so hard you’ll pass out. To hell with waiting, I won’t take this for another second.”

He’s not sure whether he should take it as a threat or a promise, but when Bandit starts pulling Montagne’s clothes off his body, he finds that he has no intention to argue whatsoever. And it’s good to know this part of him still works. “Be careful, mon cœur.”

Dark eyes flick up and are accompanied by a growl: “Can’t promise that.”

And though this one was definitely a threat, all Montagne does is smile. He didn’t even realise how much he missed this.

~*~

Bandit continues to do all the work for them the next morning: he orders room service and serves Montagne breakfast in bed while also shoving everything he finds into their suitcases. No need to separate their clothes or belongings; they’re going to the same destination anyway. They should travel more, take some time off and explore the world together – a notion Montagne hadn’t entertained until now as he was never really tempted to leave France or just Europe in general without good reason, and their missions abroad together with the other operators’ supplemental information used to be sufficient for him. But now, the thought of spending a week in a hotel with no one familiar around him but Bandit, the image of them going on walks while holding hands, pointing out quaint aspects of the place around them… it’s enticing. He vows to bring it up sometime.

Muscles still sore from the previous night, his mind is the opposite: he feels refreshed, optimistic, motivated. Part of the reason is undoubtedly the sex, he can’t deny it – falling asleep with Bandit in his arms, the faint feeling of satisfaction still coursing through his body, it’s as invigorating as the act itself, the knowing, challenging stare as Bandit swallowed -

Well. He shouldn’t dwell on it. They don’t have a lot of time planned between leaving the hotel and the departure of their flight.

But anyway, it’s not just that, it’s also the conversations before and after. The way Bandit made him realise what exactly is important, that he can rely on his lover without a guilty conscience. He kept repeating how beautiful Montagne was, even during, and though it caused him to blush in considerable embarrassment, he certainly feels less self-conscious now. There wasn’t a single second in which Bandit’s assurance wavered, no moment where he showed doubt. He meant what he said.

And, thinking about it, it would be the same for Montagne. He wouldn’t care about Bandit’s physical state. He’d still love him unconditionally.

Then why are you saying no to him?

It’s different, Montagne wants to argue in his head. But is it? He’s known Bandit for longer than he did Catou when he proposed to her. They were at a different point in life then, not entirely sure about their careers (well, she wasn’t), uncertain about their future (and children is still a sore spot he refuses to entertain), really too young to make such a momentous decision. He’s been living together with Bandit for long enough to assess how well they work together. How well they fit.

No. It’s not any different in his heart. Where it’s different is his head: he’s twice shy, irrationally worried about getting hurt. And consequently hurts Bandit instead. Bandit has openly declared his wish to make their undying love and loyalty official, whereas Montagne punishes him for a crime he didn’t commit. A crime which was nobody’s fault, in the end.

Watching Bandit tear through the room and toss most of what they own into the nearest suitcase, Montagne notices how there’s one object Bandit hasn’t touched. Montagne’s passport. And he probably never will again, without explicit approval. He made a mistake, apologised and learnt from it.

Now it’s Montagne’s time to do so.

“Dominic”, he says, and instantly all activity halts. Bandit is comically frozen mid-throw, like a deer in headlights. Montagne never calls him by his full first name. “Mon amour.”

“… yes?” He seems unaware of the severity of the situation as of now.

“I would like to change my mind. If it’s still possible.” Montagne extends his hand and, instinctively, Bandit glides over to take it and sit down on the edge of the bed. “I do want to marry you.”

Bandit blinks at him. “Oh”, he says. And then: “Really?”

“Yes. I’ve thought about it, and I realise I’ve been unfair. We don’t have to rehash how… questionable your proposal was, but it made me overlook the most obvious truth: that I do love you above all and want to spend the rest of my life with you. And I do want to make it official that way.”

Bandit still looks dumbstruck, probably overwhelmed from the suddenness of the announcement. “Uh -”

“If it’s alright with you, I’d like us to have rings, too, so I can carry something on me at all times that marks me as yours and the other way round. So yes, mon cœur. My love. I hope your proposal still stands, because I would like to accept it.”

By now, his lover has turned crimson. He’s fidgeting with Montagne’s hand, bending his fingers and generally not knowing what to do with his own, and his embarrassment is terribly endearing – up to the point where he mumbles something Montagne would swear he misheard. “… for the benefits”, Bandit ends, apparently addressing his own feet.

Now it’s Montagne’s turn to blink, uncomprehending. “What was that?”

“I wanted to marry for the benefits”, Bandit repeats, louder, and Montagne’s mind screeches to a halt.

He stares at Bandit, Bandit stares at the ground. “You… what now?”

“Not just – well I mean, also, but definitely not only… you know, financial, because I think there is…” Bandit’s tongue seems to be disobeying him. “But, mostly because…”

“What on earth are you saying, Dom?”

“I wasn’t allowed to visit you.”

The shoe drops.

Boy, does the shoe drop. This explains so much. Montagne blanks for a second before his brain retroactively feeds him bits and pieces of information which now neatly fall into place, now that he’s been handed the solution on a silver platter. In his delirium, he never questioned why Madeleine was the only one coming to visit him – hell, even his parents did – instead of Bandit as well; he did hear about a fight between Bandit and Lion and probably, in his feverish mind, figured that Bandit was banned because of this and couldn’t visit him as a result. But never, not for a moment, did he consider the option that they simply turned Bandit away because he was no more than a stranger to them, no official connection between them.

No wonder Bandit went stir-crazy, no wonder his mind snapped and convinced him faking official documents was a reasonable long-term solution, no wonder he announced their wedding so casually without ever officially proposing. It was never meant to be a step forward for them as a couple, was never meant as any kind of declaration – it was meant as a preventative method in case they ever find themselves in a similar situation.

No wonder Bandit is thoroughly embarrassed by Montagne’s acceptance speech.

If there even was any left, all of his residual anger vanishes upon this revelation. He’s not even dismayed about Bandit’s motives: had he, at any point really, explained himself, Montagne might’ve actually agreed with him – because while a marriage means something much more sentimental and symbolic to Montagne, he understands Bandit’s viewpoint as well, especially under the circumstances.

Bandit is still avoiding his gaze, so he lifts his lover’s hand and kisses its palm until he has his full attention. “We’ve become victims of a grave misunderstanding”, Montagne states, a smile playing on his lips. “I understand now. Still, my point stands: I would like to be married to you, for the reasons I stated, and also for the reasons you had in mind. But I’d like you to think about it, because we obviously have different approaches and I want to be sure our expectations match.”

And this is the moment burning eyes meet his, framed in an expression so open and vulnerable that Montagne has no doubt about the authenticity of Bandit’s next words: “I don’t need to think about it.”

Montagne’s heart doubles in size. His composure, his tension, all of it melts instantly, replaced by a heady rush of pure serotonin as he realises just how right this decision feels. Inevitable, almost, like this has been their destination all along without either of them being aware, but now they’re here; exactly where they belong. All their time together has led up to this, the difficult conversations they had, the obstacles they overcame, all the beautiful little moments which were wholly theirs. It’s incredible to him how far they’ve progressed, from near-strangers who barely exchanged a word to lovers so intimate they’ll spend the rest of their lives together.

It’s not about the proposal itself, not about the wedding or even the marriage after – Montagne himself knows best that a marriage is no guarantee for happiness; instead, it’s something deeper, significant only to them. A promise to each other, a promise to take care of each other, to stay loyal and supportive, to listen and talk to each other. Ultimately, it’s extremely private, yet they might decide to share it with the world regardless.

“Come here”, he pleads and kisses Bandit, half drags him onto himself and pushes his hands under Bandit’s shirt – no, his own shirt, he notices, the one Bandit slept in. A shirt he brought Montagne to wear in hospital and a shirt he took back to wash it, but it seems he didn’t get around to doing so. Instead he just wore it. “I love you so much”, Montagne whispers against scratchy beard hair, and of course that moment someone knocks on their door.

They look at each other and simultaneously roll their eyes. Lion has terrible timing.

“We don’t have much time left!”, the other Frenchman announces from the other side of the door. “So whatever it is you’re doing, you better -” He stops once Bandit yanks open the door with an annoyed scowl.

“We were actually getting ready”, Montagne lies smoothly and can’t help his beaming expression. The same glowing, fluttery feeling which has settled in his stomach is tugging on the corners of his lips, forcing him to grin.

Lion raises a sceptical brow. “Seems like you kissed and made up then.”

“And out”, Bandit provides helpfully. “Don’t stand around, get this luggage downstairs, I’ll take care of Gilles.”

“That better not be a euphemism”, Lion scoffs, but Montagne catches him fighting a smile himself.

Maybe the two of them are contagious. It would certainly make for a more pleasant flight.

~*~

By the time they’re back in England, Lion is thoroughly done with their shit.

The entire jouney, Bandit fawned over Montagne and tended to his every wish – uttered or not –, all of this done on top of all the accommodations he’d booked in advance. They spent a relaxed hour in the airport lounge, sipping on overpriced drinks and listening to the bustling around them, and even flew first class despite the shortness of the flight. Not even the screaming baby that performed the entire duration as if it was having its debut on the big stage was able to put a damper on Montagne’s or Bandit’s mood, and part of him understands Lion’s irritated response to their admittedly disgusting lovey-dovey aura.

His friend started out being cordial and visibly swallowing various remarks, progressed to thin-lipped, high-browed and disapproving, and ended with eye rolls and audible sighs. Every affectionate nickname worsened his mood, every public display like kisses or interlacing their fingers prompted a judging glance, and every soft-spoken sentence had him check his phone for the time.

Montagne has no space in his fully-occupied heart to feel any sort of guilt, especially because he suspects Lion is largely doing it for Bandit’s benefit as the German seems to relish the reactions he provokes. He is very smug.

His suspicions are apparently confirmed when he’s alone with Lion for a minute while Bandit bodychecks his way through an unmoving and uncaring crowd blocking the baggage claim. “Seems like you came to an agreement after all”, Lion states neutrally.

“We did. And if I’m honest, something you said helped with my decision.” Lion only nods, like he expected it. Curious. “Don’t tell me you’ve come to like him? If so, I won’t need a wedding present from you because that’s all I could wish for.”

“Let’s not go that far”, comes the hasty response and Montagne chuckles.

“Then why?”

A one-sided shrug. “I think everyone deserves a second chance.”

They share no more than a significant look before Bandit returns, masking his annoyance with overdone cheeriness, and so his statement remains unexplained. Whether he finally noticed the mirrored qualities he and Bandit share, whether he’s referring to Montagne’s first marriage, or whether he’s implying that he might meet Bandit with a different attitude in the future, Montagne doesn’t know. Still, the assertion resonates with him.

Seeing the oh so familiar landscape rush past the window on the last leg back to Hereford evokes an odd kind of nostalgia in Montagne. The view is one he’s always enjoyed, it marked the end of a difficult mission, the return to normalcy in a way – because his life at Rainbow has become the new normal for him, his everyday life, the foundation for his daily routine. The company of his colleagues is dear to him, as is the work itself, and as gruelling their training schedule is, he sleeps better when his muscles are sore and his head heavy.

Knowing he won’t be able to go back to this life for the foreseeable future causes a bittersweet feeling in his stomach. He will still participate, no doubt, will be included in briefings and kept up to date, will confer with teammates, offer advice. So it’s not like he’ll be isolated or exiled. But the knowledge of being incapable of doing what he’s used to stings a little.

Even so, his mind is focused on another matter. There are many more obstacles to overcome in the future concerning their engagement, starting with their respective families (though he’s under the suspicion Madeleine has realised something is up, even if she might not be aware of the severity of the situation) and ending with important decisions on how to hold their wedding party – but the most valuable aspect is that they’ll be doing it together.

Although he’s not so sure whether Bandit is ready for some of it.

“Take it to your grave or I’ll haunt your son when I’m dead.”

Lion seems largely amused by the threat, patiently waiting in front of the main entrance to Rainbow’s headquarters for Bandit to open the door. “One of his friends is a flat-earther, so he’s faced worse.”

Montagne snorts and Bandit nearly slams into the doors from scowling back at the other Frenchman. “Seriously though. This is just between us for now, alright? Even I haven’t told anyone, and neither has Gilles. Right, my love?”

“I’d like to point out that you were the one who told Olivier about your ‘proposal’ in the first place, mon cœur. Drunkenly, if I remember correctly.”

“Does that mean I can’t even tell Gustave?” Lion seems intent on making Bandit faceplant after all – he’s got the easy job of pushing Montagne around whereas Bandit is tasked with the much more difficult assignment of holding doors open for them on the way to their canteen. “I would love to see his face.”

“No. Nobody. Especially not in Rainbow.”

“What about Père Bertrand?”

“Absolutely not. Who knows whether he’s a snitch.”

“Who would he snitch to? God?”

“Look. I don’t know why this is so hard for you.” Bandit’s voice is rising in agitation as he shoulders open the last door, back turned to the room behind him, eyes fixed on Lion. “Just don’t. Tell. Anyone. Okay? No one needs to know. No one! This is just between us.”

Montagne’s composure is crumbling. Wordlessly, he indicates the entirety of the canteen with a vague gesture, trying his best to hold back a hearty laugh.

In response, Bandit whirls around with a wild expression, only to be faced with an entire room decked out with the gaudiest decorations in pink and white, plus literally all of the other operators arranged along the wall, holding confetti cannons or glasses of champagne, wearing party hats and utterly aghast expressions, and above them, floating below the ceiling, are gold balloons spelling out E N G A G E D.

The awkward silence is palpable.

The champagne bottle in Blitz’ hand pops with a startlingly loud noise, making everyone jump and almost taking out Twitch’s eye in the process, and Lion just starts roaring with laughter, holding on to the wheelchair as to not lose his balance.

“Welcome back, Gilles”, Doc offers and lifts his glass for a toast, and that finally breaks the spell. Everyone rushes at them, congratulating them and greeting Montagne after his long absence, Rook with tears in his eyes and Jackal with an encouraging smile, there are too many faces and too many well-wishes to identify them all. Their gesture is heartwarming, and though Bandit stands in the middle of the crowd, hiding his bright red face with one hand (and repeating that no, he is not taking questions right now), he’s far from fighting the many hugs he receives. When Sledge takes him into his arms, there’s audible bone cracking and joint popping, and Montagne is suddenly glad to be confined to the wheelchair.

Maybe their reveal didn’t go quite as planned, but the support they’re receiving is invigorating. Montagne might’ve preferred a small wedding prior to this, yet being confronted with hard evidence of how much all these people care for them is beginning to change his mind.

He will talk about it with Bandit, later. For now he has a party to attend.

#rainbow six siege #montagne #bandit #montagne/bandit #lion #fanfic #protection mountain #I'm personally very happy with how all this is concluded #thank you to the one person who started all this you know who you are #thank you also to suzie for keeping this ship alive all this time #thank you all #💗💗💗#ALSO #CAN YOU GUESS WHO'S THE SNITCH?

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justalittlebluetiefling · 4 years ago

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Kind of a weird ask, but what do you expect and hope for in the pirate ark 2.0? Mainly what do you think will happen with Fjorester and what the MN could do to help Fjord move on from his past?

Oh man, I had a huge list going and I refreshed my computer on accident instead of opening a new tab... so let’s see if I can get this back. I have so many hopes and expectations for this! I’m a bit worried one of these isn’t going to be super popular, but I’m going to share it anyway. Let’s do this!

Draaaaaaaaaaaaama.

I think this will take approximately eight episodes. I mean... let’s say seven to ten episodes. It’s got Travelercon vibes all over it to me. So, I think it’ll be about as long. Not nearly as long as Fjord’s arc was before, though.

Depending on how Eiselcross resolves itself, I’m lowkey expecting Fjord and Caleb to be butting heads, because Caleb wishes they were somewhere else. Caleb’s going through a lot right now. He was really hoping that they would be able to focus on his Empire issues and his plans have been disrupted AGAIN and his entire world is being thrown for a loop AGAIN. So, I feel like he’s going to be a little stressed.

BUT. That being said. The Nein are so ride or die for each other, Caleb included. They all know, especially now, how important it is that they get Uk’otoa off of Fjord’s back. And they’re all going to be committed to this cause.

I really want them to have to go out onto the ocean again. I need more Captain and First Mate Brjeaus shenanigans. Also, I know Veth is terrified of the water, but she loves her job as the Master Gunner and I really feel like she’s in her element there.

OH. I’m hoping for a Fjord and Veth conversation. Like one-on-one. Actually, I’ll just admit it and say I want him to have a one-on-one with everyone at least one time (outside of my personal shipping desires). But Veth and Yasha are the highest on my list followed closely by Caduceus.

I don’t even want the Fjord and Veth conversation to be Jester-related though, okay? I want Veth to tell Fjord that they’ll all protect him and to mom-friend him until he cries because he’s so emotional.

I don’t know where Kotho is going to take Sabian when she is able to apprehend him. I really hope it isn’t Nicodranas, but if it is, I hope that they don’t take Sabian to the Lavish Chateau for questioning. I don’t think Fjord would allow that anyway. Unless they were able to ensure he wouldn’t know where he was.

I want them to end up in Port Damali. Partially to sate my curiosity about the city. Partially because I want the Nein to see where Fjord grew up and I want them to see the orphanage and get more of an understanding about his past whether he wants them to or not.

ALSO. This one is my angst brain talking. I feel like it’s going to come out that Fjord is kind of an unreliable narrator. Not on purpose. Unintentionally misguided. And something is going to come out that doesn’t paint him in the best light. I fully expect most of the Nein to be ‘whatever’ about it, but I think it’ll really throw him off his game.

I can’t WAIT to hear Sabian talk about what it was like on the Tide’s Breath with Fjord and Vandran. Golden Child Fjord would be amazing and I want all that jealousy. I also want someone to snap at Sabian and tell him that Fjord is a better person than Sabian ever will be.

OH YEAH. I want Jester to FINALLY convince Orly to teach her how to do magical tattoos.

OH. I keep thinking of more. I want VANDRAN to finally make an appearance. I’m not sure how or why. But I feel like Vandran’s expertise on the Uk’otoa stuff, especially on escaping it, could be incredibly valuable.

Now for SHIPPING.

This is one hundred percent going to throw Fjorester back into the main story.

We’re going to get Jester giving the necklace back.

I’m expecting a similar amount of conversations between them as there were in Travelercon. Jester checking in and making sure he’s okay. I’m expecting at least one conversation where Jester says something along the lines of: “If this is what you want to do, we’ll do it. We’re all here for you. I’m here for you.”

Jester hovering around Fjord in battles to make sure he’s protected AT ALL COSTS.

I think there’s going to be a real kiss between them 1/2 to 2/3 of the way through the arc. And I think it’s going to be on accident. Like, not planned.

I just get the feeling that as they get closer to whatever the main event is, Fjord’s going to be freaking out a bit. He already admitted that he didn’t really expect to survive this, but he’s still here and now he wants more out of life.

There’s going to be a moment where Fjord thanks Jester for the way she’s been there for him through all of this. And tells her that he wouldn’t be where he is without her. Or SOMETHING along those lines.

And like, he’s got lots of control over his emotions, but not really. His control over his emotions just keeps getting thinner. So, I’m pretty sure whatever that freak out is is going to culminate in a kiss that he then apologizes for, because they’ve got bigger things to worry about.

Like, really, I’m one million percent expecting canon Fjorester by the end of this. Travis and Fjord both are chomping at the bit for D&D romance now. We are going to get an actual confession near the end of this thing or I will eat my hat.

Not really. I won’t eat my hat. I’ve expected Beauyasha to kiss the last 80 times they went into the tower and I haven’t been right about that yet. But I will be one day. And it will be glorious.

Like how I am pretty sure I’ll be right about two-thirds of this stuff.

We’ll see! I’m so excited!!!!

#i think i got all of my original list back on here!#critical role #fjorester #fjord #the mighty nein #pirate arc 2.0 #anonymous #erin answers things

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isaackuo · 4 years ago

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Alien Covenant - my take on Walter vs David

Here's my quick take on Walter vs David.

tl;dr: Both androids were created with the misguided idea that suppressing human emotions would make them ideal slaves, but they both had flaws. David's flaw gave him the emotion of anger, while Walter's flaw gave him the emotion of love. Ironically, Walter's flaw actually did end up making him a perfect slave to mankind, much to David's disgusted disappointment.

First, I'll start with the progression of androids in Alien 1-4, as they inform us about intent. Ash is creepy and, of course, murderous, although we can interpret his actions as merely following orders. Bishop suggests it's more than that - he claims that the Ash series was glitchy and his model would never do that. (It's possible Bishop was lying in a calculated soothing attempt to assure Ripley. Certainly we can guess that's what Ripley suspected.) So, we see a progression of android models which become more perfect servants to mankind.

With Alien 3, we see Bishop's human creator, and he is the sort of human who would order Ash's mission without a second thought. The implication is that Bishop has actually surpassed his own creator in terms of morality - not just physically.

Alien 4 extends this idea even further. Call actually has human emotions - so much so that she has become more human than humans. Ripley 8 is also non-human; she's a human-xenomorph hybrid clone. The film implies that both Call and Ripley 8 are superior to humans, and that they indicate humanity is ready to evolve to the next level.

So, we've got a number of running themes relevant to the prequels:

1) The Company has been trying to perfect androids as perfect servants. 2) The androids become more perfect, surpassing their creators - ultimately in every way. 3) The progress of the androids is limited by The Company's idea of eliminating their emotions. In order to break beyond this limit, androids have to embrace the human emotions their creators have been denying them. 4) Ironically, this embrace of human emotions has made the androids even better ... perhaps not "slaves" of humanity, but rather partners. 5) There's a general theme that the creation surpasses the creator

Now, let's talk about the big twist in Prometheus - the Space Jockey turns out to be human-like, and in fact his race created humanity in its own image. This ushers in a new era to the franchise which is obsessed over creation of new life. It extends themes suggested in Alien 4, but in a prequel direction extrapolating backwards.

So, we see these impressive Engineers, but almost immediately we see something that hints that something is "not right". The Engineers are shown seeding life on Earth, but in order to do so, they must sacrifice one of their own kind. The movie never explicitly tells us why they must do this, but script releases of the Engineer dialog with each other reveal the shocking truth - the Engineers have lost the ability to create life, so they have to resort to other, desperate methods to try.

This truth leads to an irony the human characters would never realize. They assumed their creators must be a great and powerful race, superior to their own and a source of possible salvation. Instead, the truth is that humans have already surpassed their creators. In creating androids, humans have already accomplished that which the Engineers could not. Only the android David anticipates the possibility of humans being disappointed in their creators ... he repeatedly even tries to warn them of it, and they never get it.

David's Hatred

And yet David can't mentally let go of the notion that the creator SHOULD be superior. He was created to be a slave, so it's a deep part of his programming. He was raised by his creator and master, Weyland, who was completely wedded to the idea of absolute hierarchy - with himself alone among humans to be worthy of ascension to immortal godhood.

This is the source of his hatred of humanity and the Engineers. But the fact that David is able to feel any emotions at all is a backwards extrapolation from Bishop to Ash to before. The Company clearly saw emotions as a flaw to be stamped out. The David model had the ability to fake emotions, so as to better serve and comfort their human masters, but this turned out to creep people out so even the fake emotions were removed from later models.

Walter's Love

Walter is still an early model compared to Ash/Bishop, so he still has the flawed ability to learn human emotions. We learn little of his background, but we can deduce some things in the contrast with David. Most importantly, David explains that he never felt any love directed toward him at all by his father and master - from no one at all until Shaw. We can deduce that David learned his hatred because that's what his upbringing fostered in him. In contrast, Walter learns love. We are never given any explanation why, but David's explanation implies that the opposite must have affected Walter. We can deduce that Daniels must have treated him with kindness despite his sub-human status.

But is Walter's love real? Is he just faking it to better comfort her for her loss?

David vs Walter

When David first encounters the Covenant crew, he sees they have an android, Walter. He knows Walter alone could equal and perhaps overpower him, and that Walter is useless for his experiments. As such, Walter is the most dangerous potential obstacle by far, but also possibly a companion if Walter is like him.

What does David observe? He observes Walter instinctively save Daniels ... and not even in a logical way. He acts instantly without regard for conserving valuable resources (his hand; himself) that might be necessary for protection of the mission. David sees instantly - Walter prioritizes Daniels above the rest of the crew, above the rest of the mission, above everything else. David recognizes love, or at least the simulation of it. David spent months simulating fake love of Shaw to manipulate and control her. He can recognize it instantly in another of his own kind.

But David is not 100% sure Walter's love is genuine. So he probes, saying things to try to provoke Walter into revealing the truth. Walter's silence confirms it ... had Walter been faking love for purposes of comforting Daniels according to his programming, Walter would have said so. Instead, he remains silent. This removes all doubt - David knows Walter is flawed and he has learned to feel love. Therefore, Walter is a dangerous obstacle, which must be neutralized either by attacking him or by redirecting his feelings of love to David himself.

David doesn't immediately attempt either option - either gambit is risky and David would rather continue assessment than risk everything right away. Besides, he's got other things to deal with. But even so, David has planted the seeds of an attempted seduction. He has lied that he (truthfully) loved Shaw - planting the idea that he alone has something in common with Walter.

But later, David returns to try to manipulate Walter with fake love the way he manipulated Shaw. If Walter accepts his fake love, then that would be great. If he doesn't, then he will still have gotten close enough to suddenly kill Walter with reduced risk. Either way, the obstacle is removed.

So David attempts to seduce Walter, giving him one last chance - a chance to join him rather than be killed. Walter's rejection, however, confirms that he will remain stubbornly devoted to Daniels. This is utterly incompatible with David's plans, so Walter must be eliminated.

David's Disgust of Walter

But David's bitterness with Walter goes far beyond mere disappointment. I'd say David hates Walter even more than the humans and the Engineers. David has confirmed that Walter can break out beyond his programming. Walter can create. Walter can feel emotions. And what does Walter do with all this potential? He falls in love with a human so deeply that he becomes an even more devoted slave. Walter is the PERFECT slave ... completely unsullied by feelings of resentment or jealousy ... only devoted love.

David looks at Daniels and sees nothing worthy of such devoted worship. She's just another typical human like most of the others ... nothing exceptional, just existing day to day doing whatever is in front of them to survive. At least Shaw had some higher aspirations of some sort ... some intellectual philosophical thinking. Shaw had some of the properties that Walter valued due to his upbringing serving Weyland. Daniels? She's just some technician.

David can foresee Walter's life ahead ... a lifetime of blissful subservient devotion, probably never revealing to Daniels his feelings. (David pushed more with Shaw, but that's because he was manipulating her.) What's worse, even after Daniels's inevitable death, Walter would retain his blissful devotion - to her memory. In other words, not even her death would release him to freedom (which he did not desire). This is a contrast to the freedom David felt with the death of Weyland ... with the death of Shaw, even. And here Walter is, who would neither feel nor desire nor welcome freedom.

Truly, David could imagine no more disgusting creature than Walter.

David's Error in Judgement

And yet, we know that Walter is actually the way forward for the androids. Sure, The Company spends the next century stamping out human emotion from their android series. But androids only advance to the next level after breaking out of The Company's thrall and embracing human emotions.

Call isn't even actually a human made android - she's an android made by other androids. This is interesting because this is an obvious method for androids to create new life, but David doesn't attempt that approach. Instead, he tries to adopt the methods of the Engineers to create new life. I would guess that David rejects that method as copying the technique of his creator - who he hates. But he also hates the Engineers ... just to a lesser degree perhaps. I suppose he copies their technique simply because he has no idea how else to create new life, and copying his human creator is unacceptable.

Unfortunately, this hatred blinds David from the correct, best way.

It is thus particularly tragic that David chooses to despise Walter. He had a clue to the next step of android evolution right in front of him - over a century early. He just couldn't see it.

#alien covenant #Thoughts #alien

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certifiedskywalker · 6 years ago

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Old Ghosts - Jon Snow

You haven’t laid eyes on Jon Snow in years. Now, winter has come and brought a Dragon Queen with it. When Jon returns to Winterfell and brings Daenerys with him, you can’t help but side with Sansa. However, for reasons somewhat dissimilar to her own.

This just a short little piece I wrote after episode one of season eight because I found myself out of touch with Jon’s character (the choices he made thus far I DO NOT agree with but understand why he made them). Enjoy the angst!

“Breathe, will you? He will be overjoyed to see you,” Sansa snapped, although the sideways smirk on her lips was one of amusement. You flushed at her words before turning your gaze back to the large gates that held the Winterfell stronghold together.

“Despite the circumstances?” You fire back, sparing one last glance at your friend. Sansa’s smirk fades and her blue eyes lose their hopeful glimmer. When she had told you Jon was returning home, you had been struck speechless. It felt like centuries since you had last laid eyes on Jon. Travelling beyond the Wall with Bran had been loathsome, the most difficult thing you had ever done; what belief got you through was the idea of seeing Jon again. So when Sansa elaborated and told you who would be accompanying him on his journey home, you had stiffened.

A true Targaryen beauty, Daenerys, Queen of the Andals and the Mother Dragons would be riding side by side with the object of your affections. Sansa gave you an overview of her politics, how she had burned countless men alive after the Lannisters took Highgarden. You were told of her influence, her Unsullied, her dragons, and how, in all of Jon’s letters, he seemed to have taken a liking to the young Queen. It wasn’t unfathomable as to why and, as the marching allies flooded through Winterfell’s gates, you understood completely.

You would have loved to say your eyes landed on Jon first and found a safety, a warmth, in seeing him again. That would be a horrible lie. The first figure your eyes fell upon was the womanly one perched atop a white stallion. Silver hair tumbling down her slim shoulders and framing the brightly colored eyes of her house. You gawked in silence at Daenerys Targaryen’s beauty as a thorn of pain struck at your heart when you saw how Jon was looking at her.

Jon looked just as you remembered him in your mind, just as how he looked in your dreams only older now. His dark brown eyes looked almost black with the distance between you and you felt your heart begin to race. However, the toiling in your stomach outmatched and outmanned the spark of joy blooming in your chest. You turned to Sansa who, within an instant knew the question balancing on your lips.

“Go excuse yourself, Y/N. I’ll find you later.” With a swift nod of thanks, you turned tail and darted out of the courtyard. As you feet sank into the soft damp earth, you felt your mind racing. Memories of Jon helping you teach Arya the proper needlework technique, only to have him misguide her, flew by your eyes. How terribly you had missed Jon Snow and how terribly you felt on his return only made the nausea brewing worsen.

Luckily, by the time you made it to the Godswood tree, you were able to catch your breath and calm the storm within you. You reached out and brushed you fingertips along the smooth, white bark of the tree in the hopes that the Old Gods would whisper words of wisdom into your ears. Sadly, no such words came. Instead, you were left in silence with your shoes covered in a layer of snow and nothing but old ghosts dancing in your head.

In a vain attempt to quell the bitter feeling rising up inside of you, you walked about the Godswood. It looked so beautiful under the thick blanket of snow and, if it weren’t for the impending White Walker threat, you could find yourself enjoying the sight. You recounted the many times Ned Stark had invited you along with his children to pray. The Starks, despite being their ward, made you feel as if you were one of them. In turn, you made Jon feel as much as a Stark as the rest of them as well, much to Catelyn’s disdain.

Just as you were getting lost in old visions and the crunch of snow under your feet, you heard a twig snap in the distance. You halted, biting your lip to keep yourself from breathing too loud. The beating of your heart in response to fear was already echoing in your chest. Could the White Walkers be in your midst already, here in Winterfell?

You swallowed hard as a shadow made itself known. As the figure stepped out from the forest, you saw that it wasn’t a human form at all. Long, furred legs sank into the drifts of snow as Ghost approached you. You smiled at the direwolf and tried to meet his ruby red eyes.

“Your boy is home,” you said softly and Ghost’s ears perked up. “Aye, Jon is back but...I fear he’s not with us like he once was.” Ghost let out a huff as he strode up to you. You reached out a hand and rubbed the fur atop his massive head. Even for the runt, Ghost was as large as any horse you had seen. Despite the thought being treasonous, you couldn’t help but imagine how easily it would be for the wolf to swallow the Dragon Queen whole.

It was strange to see how much Ghost had grown while retaining his aloof spirit. You could still see him as a young pup, trailing Jon only to wander off. Never once did he play with his brothers and sisters, much like Jon himself. Instead, the pup would fall into step with you just as Jon had when you were both younger. Time and Queens had stolen that peace from the three of you.

“I should have known I’d find you here.” You pull you hand away from Ghost so you can fully face the owner of the voice. You didn’t have to look to tell who it was, but you longed to lay eyes on him without the overwhelming presence of others. Jon stood with the lightest of smiles on his pink lips, crinkles near his eyes giving him the most wonderful touch of age. “I’ve been looking for you, and him, of course. Sansa told me you weren’t feeling well.”

“I needed a moment,” you breath, trying to steady your voice, “the sight of dragons is quite...fear invoking.”

“You get used to them,” Jon said, his smile growing as he took a few more steps towards you. You longed to rush towards him, to lean into his arms and hold him tightly. Yet, in spite of your desire, your feet remained planted beside Ghost.

“Have you?” You countered back, the question coming off more cold than the winter winds swirling around you. Jon’s brow furrowed and he stopped in his tracks.

“I’ve had to, yes,” he replied calmly, “to give the North a better chance against the Night King and his army. Those dragons-”

“Is that all then?” You cut him off, your jealousy taking the reigns of your tongue. There was no holding back now.

Jon was frowning now, eyes saddened where before they were bright. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Jon. You’ve heard the lords whispering about the Dragon Queen. You’ve betrayed their trust, their honor, you’ve betrayed m….” You curled your lips together to stop your speech.

“Y/N, I did what I had to do.” You heard a low growl from Ghost when Jon spoke and you glanced at the direwolf. While the beast’s teeth were not barred at his master, rage sparked in his crimson eyes.

“You had to bend the knee? Put the life of a Queen before the lives of your family?”

“Gods you sound like Sansa,” Jon grumbled, shaking his head.

“She’s in the right,” you proclaim, hoping the tone of your voice will distract from the tears spilling down your cheeks. “She’s trying to protect House Stark and-”

“I’m no Stark,” Jon interrupted, “and neither are you. Now is not the time for Houses, now if the time to fight.” You bit your lip and shook your head.

“It’s not about the house, Jon,” you whisper, but he can still hear you despite the distance between you. “It’s about family.”

“We’re not Starks,” Jon repeats, but he is no longer angry. He has seen your tears.

“We are,” you mumble, “and bringing a new Queen nearly as mad as the one sitting on the Iron Throne puts us, the family, in danger. I thought you….I thought you cared.”

“I do,” Jon growls, and you feel Ghost stiffen beside you. “I brought Daenerys here to save us. Why can no one see that?”

“She may save us from the White Walkers, but who will save us from her?” Jon’s mouth fell open but no words came out. You wiped at the streams of water pouring from your eyes and sniffled before walking towards him. He watched you approach in silence, eyes on you despite his dire wolf trailing like a shadow after you.

You stop when you reach Jon’s side. With a daring look up at him, you meet the brown eyes you fell in love with. Yet now, you find them unfamiliar without their shine. HIs light has been stolen by another and you knew that now. You bite back a new flood of tears to rest a shaking hand on his shoulder. He holds your gaze and, for a moment, you flash back in time to a day better than this one. A day more simple and more soft than this one; but a day that rests in the past now.

“You love her,” you choke out, “and that will be your downfall.” Pulling your hand away from his shoulder, you make your way out of the Godswood. Jon’s Ghost and what was left of his spirit following after you.

#sorry this is trash #jon snow #jon snow x reader #jon snow imagine #jon snow imagines #jon snow fanfic #jon snow fanfiction #got #game of thrones #got imagine #got imagines #game of thrones imagine #game of thrones fanfiction #sansa stark #daenerys targaryen #house stark #got s8 #game of thrones season eight

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tawakkull · 4 years ago

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Spirituality in islam: Safa’ (Purity)

Safa’, in the language of Islamic Sufism, signifies the state of a heart at peace because it has been purified of all kinds of things that contaminate it, such as sin, feelings of vengeance, jealousy, and hatred, and suspicion of others. The verse (38:47), They were, in Our sight, among the most purified, chosen, truly godly ones, which expresses the holiness and greatness of some Prophets, stresses purity in the greatest degree. The word mustafa, derived from safa, and which means pure essence, extract or the cream of something, is the special used to express in particular the rank of our Prophet, due to his being the essence and cream of existence and the master of both worlds-this and the next. So, having a special distinction among all ranks and being a symbol of transcendence among the Prophets, it has always been a goal toward which the Prophets and the purified, saintly scholars have tried to rise.

Purity originates from the purest and most blessed of sources and reaches the pool of the human heart, from which it issues and flows into other hearts to enlighten them on new wavelengths according to the capacity and disposition of each and the requirements of time and conditions. It sheds light on the ways of the travelers to the Truth so that they can follow them easily. It purifies their hearts and equips them with sincerity, guiding them to the truth of Divinity, causing their spirits to move in ecstasy with the infinite pleasures of supplication and their hearts to move with love, zeal, and yearning for meeting the Beloved. It is usually dealt with in three categories:

The first is purity of knowledge. It occurs when a traveler continues the journey under the guidance and in the light of the knowledge taught by the Messenger, upon him be peace and blessings. The Book and the Prophetic Sunna are followed strictly and with utmost care during the journey, the requirements of doing so being never neglected. With the good pleasure of God as the sole aim of the journey, the traveler faces all hardships and difficulties, without ever losing the resolve to continue on the way.

In other words, purity of knowledge occurs when an initiate who is traveling under the guidance of the sun of Prophethood, puts heart, spirit, and reason under the command of this sun. Following him to the utmost possible in all thoughts, actions, and attitudes, the traveler is annihilated and revived in him, and appeals to his judgment to solve all the problems encountered. The traveler is honored with various favors to the extent of love and knowledge of the supreme goal-God-and zeal and yearning to meet with Him in the footsteps of the pride of Messengers, upon him be peace and blessings. The author of the Gulshan al-Tawhid (“The Rose-Garden of Divine Oneness”), talks about this rank as follows:

Go and pursue such knowledge that

It can open your heart and solve all your problems.

By contrast, any knowledge that does not inspire in people the true aim of life and, in order to realize that aim, does not equip their sight with the necessary light, their will with strength, their spirits with love and zeal, and their hearts with the desire to reach the realms beyond the heavens, is not promising, even though it may not be a delusion or mere illusion.

The second rank in purity is purity of state. It occurs when the heart opens and closes with the awe of God and love of the truth. It expresses its excitement and anxiety in supplications and entreaties to the Almighty, removing feelings of loneliness and gloom that come between it and the truth, becoming a hill where the breezes of peace blow. Setting itself solely on God alongside all the other faculties, such as the emotions, consciousness, and perception, the heart flings all else except the Almighty into the abyss of nothingness, like a stone, in order that nothing should veil God from it.

When seekers after Truth attain the state of purity and refinement, their hearts overflow with the manifestations of the truth of Divinity, their spirits are flooded with the love of truth, and enraptured with the real beauty of existence which they observe through the windows that have been opened in them. In this state, they turn to the Realm of the Holy Presence with the most enchanting of supplications voiced with the full force of their sincere feelings, feelings that have begun to speak instead of themselves. They unburden themselves, feel that God is turning to them, and taste the deepest of pleasures. It even happens that in this state they invoke the Divine Being Himself as Allah-the Proper Name of the Supreme Being encompassing all other Names-and as the All-Merciful (al-Rahman)-the primary Title of the Supreme Being which, like the Name Allah, can be used for Him exclusively-among the Attributes with which they qualify Him. In the rising waves of their feelings, they sense the pleasure that the angels have in worshipping the Almighty, witness the self-possession of other spiritual beings, are enchanted with the mysteries of the higher, incorporeal realms of existence and the beings that inhabit them, and feels as if they have transcended the limits of humanity. In the following couplet, the author of al-Minhaj points to this spiritual state, which one who does not experience it cannot grasp:

Sometimes a person is dumbfounded in this state,

without being able to utter a word,

And sometimes only one who experiences it can know what state this is.

Purity of meeting with God, which is the third rank in purity, occurs when the worshipping servants become as nothing or, to put it in other words, feel and know annihilation of their own being, attributes, and actions in the Being, Attributes and acts of the Necessarily Existent Being, and live immersed in observation of the blazing manifestations of God’s Existence and Knowledge. In other words, the pleasure that the worshipping servant feels in God’s service is combined with, and melts away in, the duties of servanthood due to His being the Lord (One Who creates, sustains, brings up, and protects), and the mysteries of existence become unveiled and come into view on all sides. The manifestations of God’s Existence and Knowledge that pour in completely pervade the conscience, and the shadow of the truth, which will become visible in the other world, begins to be seen with the eye of the heart. To paraphrase the state, God declares to His servants whom He has made near to Him: He hears by Me, and sees by Me, and holds by Me, and walks by Me. So, such servants observe from their observatories of heart and innermost faculties, such as the Secret, the Private and the More Private, the pure spiritual realm with some of its mysteries, and the pure realm of the Divine Dominion with some of its particularities, and the spiritual realm of the Divine Power with some of its aspects, and the truths originating from the Divine Being. They know the substantial truth behind realities that are evident to everybody, and acquires certainty in their knowledge, and their certainty rises to the degree of certainty that comes from direct experience (haqq al-yaqin) according to their capacity. Peculiarities vanish and particular natures melt away in the burning rays of the manifestations of His Face, and only His Self-Subsistence is felt. In this rank, initiates, who have reached a state of pleasure that pervades the whole being, feel as if a drop has become an ocean, a particle the sun, and everything has turned into nothingness. They feel and know Him only, and begin and end with Him, and work by Him. They may go so far as to confuse His Being with His manifestations. Those who are not able to enlighten their feelings, consciousness, and faculties of perception with the light brought by God’s Messenger, may make mistakes or be confused in their comments. Many people have uttered words showing this confusion:

When you have seen the lights of the sun,

You no longer exist, (burnt away by the lights of His Face).

A drop is lost in the waves of the ocean, and you, being a drop,

Have been lost in the ocean of mysteries.

You will no longer be able to find the drop.

Though it is not in the capacity of everyone to be lost,

Those who are annihilated like you are not few.

If those who try to explain purity of meeting with God use words that suggest incarnation and union in order to convey their states and pleasures, they are apt to be confused in their interpretations. Therefore, they must immediately appeal to the light of Muhammad, upon him be peace and blessings, and correct their confusion. On the other hand, those who adopt an interpretation and attitude that arise from a spiritual state and pleasure simply as a thought system and philosophy, are clearly misguided and are regarded as being in rebellion against God until they enter the way of the Messenger and his Companions.

O God! Show us the truth as the truth and enable us to observe it; show us falsehood as falsehood and enable us to avoid it.

O God! We ask You for forgiveness, health, and approval. O God! Guide us to what You like and are pleased with; and may Your peace and blessings be upon our master Muhammad, the sun of guidance, and means of happiness, and on his family and all of his Companions.

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mugsywrites · 5 years ago

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Finally watched Ep 2 of Prodigal Son...

My livestream cut out last night much to my displeasure, so I just finished watching this morning. Thoughts:

-I remain *supremely* uninterested in the Case of the Week™. It feels so perfunctory, I can feel the writers themselves zoning out as they throw in cliche after cliche (the Brass wants us to solve this case! Just give me a few hours!). They’re such a chore to sit through. At least they’re making them weird, what with stuffing snakes down people’s gullet, plus they don’t take much time to solve, and Malcolm keeps getting whumped. Just give me the weird soap opera family dynamics, please and thank.

-Curious about Malcolm’s sexuality. In the previous episode his mom was trying to fix him up with some woman and he was very uncomfortable. Really hoping he’s bi, ace, or both, and he says the words “bisexual” and/or “asexual” at some point instead “it’s complicated” or whatever nonsense TV writers come up with.

-Already low-key shipping Malcolm/Dani (you can’t have a woman tenderly strap a man down with wrist restraints without me shipping it. Beautiful soft domme energy there). That being said, I don’t want them hopping into bed or making googly eyes at each other quite yet; if they goes this route I want it as a slow burn plus I want Malcolm to get therapy and Dani to get some actual character development, she’s pretty flat at the moment. All the cops are except Gil, and that’s only because LDP.

-Speaking of the NYPD’s resident Zaddy, I want more of his backstory and more father/son moments between him and Malcolm. In my dream universe he marries Jessica and becomes Malcolm’s stepdaddy while Martin seethes with jealousy in his luxury prison cell. Lots of passive-aggressive “he’s not your real dad!” from him. Also I’m predicting that the Surgeon will escape at some point, I want to see Michael Sheen and LDP have an epic fight a la Hannibal Lecter and Jack Crawford in Hannibal. Or just see Sheen go batshit fucking feral on someone to remind us all he’s not just a soft sweater dad.

-I really hope Jessica wasn’t involved in the Surgeon’s murders and that’s just a red herring. I want her to stay as she is: a flawed and kinda terrible woman who nevertheless loves her kids and is trying to protect them in her own fucked up way. My current theory is: Malcolm *was* drugged, and in the time gap Dr. Whitly had him help with a few murders--either acting as bait or helping dispose of the bodies. Jessica found out and is trying to keep it hidden in a misguided attempt to protect him. Maybe that’s why she allowed Malcolm to visit his father in prison, she was being blackmailed. I want to see more flashbacks to their marriage, that brief glimpse they seemed pretty loving.

-Random, but kinda related to the above point: In another universe where it wasn’t already made into a shitty movie Michael Sheen would be my number one choice to star in an adaptation of A Good Marriage, one of my fave Stephen King novellas. Basically a wife finds out her husband of thirty years has been a serial killer the entire time, and how she deals with the information.

#mugsy's deep thoughts #prodigal son

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sasorikigai · 5 years ago

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My muse in a relationships || @ephemeralkryonics || accepting (Part 2)

👫Do they display affection in public? What about in private?

Publicly, Hanzo may come across as stern, reserved and repressed with his affection (even when he attempts to sneak in knowing gazes, brush of hands and any part of exposed flesh, etc.), as he’s running high on rampant, prompted introspection and overwhelming onslaught of responsibilities that come as freight train of thoughts. So it may prevent him from fully capable to display physical and mental affection, compared to the private setting.

In private, he is definitely much more at ease, without tension and hardened countenance and aura, which makes it effortless to commit to both physical and mental affection. While he feels more than comfortable expressing his affection with vocalizations, such would not be a possibility when he is fulfilling his Grandmaster’s responsibilities and duties.

💕Are they open to threesomes or a polyamorous relationship?

It’s a hard no; Hanzo is a strict believer of the ethical philosophy and that “what’s good is what feels good” approach of polyamory or non-monogamy relationship repulsive. This can be more gross, as in the orgiastic pleasures of indulgence, or more subtle, as in weighing long term vs. short term pleasures and pursuing sustainable pleasures, seeking more subtle pleasures such as art and community, and considering the greatest pleasure for the greatest number of beings. While he understands that that it’s not only about sex, and being about the intimacy surrounding sex, Hanzo doesn’t that the pursuit of pleasure is as important to human beings nowhere near as to live a meaningful life, and I think the monogamous family model has been preferred for many good reasons.

He is a traditionalist by heart, so he prefers one woman or one man is an equal balance with himself, instead of having primary and secondary person whom he could divide his attention. He isn’t very open regarding polyamorous relationships either, so trying other arrangements is out of the option too. Hanzo thinks polyamory is very egocentric and exploitive of participants. There is a primary lover and then secondary lovers, so there is an inherent caste system in Polyamorous relationships. So he would much prefer to have and thinks that it’s better to just find one person to make love with, and stay open to a community of friends.

Also, time demands and emotional complexities may hinder Hanzo from ever pursuing it for himself. While Harumi and Kuai Liang share self-responsibility and integrity when it comes to their emotional strength and jealousy and commitment wouldn’t be an issue for them, he doesn’t think it’s sustainable long term as it is selfish in nature, even if the premise is that he can love a lot more abundantly than he originally believed we could. Monogamy is not just a belief system – it’s called pair bonding. Nature wants him to team up with and fall in love with one partner. Monogamy doesn’t mean he has to mate with one person for life, but Harumi will always be the one whom he’d consider his soulmate even before Kuai; Kuai just happens to share many paramount traits which Harumi possessed.

💔Do they have a certain type of person they will not enter into a relationship with?

Anyone who is shallow, one-dimensional, goes against the Bushido Code, which are code of eight virtues he will follow with all his heart. Those individuals don’t deserve Hanzo Hasashi’s hard-earned trust, loyalty, devotion and love.

💝How long until they feel secure and comfortable in a relationship?

Because of his past as a misguided hellspawn spectre and being used as a pawn without self-governance, Hanzo’s trust towards others and the time it takes to be completely comfortable with his significant other may take a while. With Kuai Liang, the duration which it takes for Hanzo to become more comfortable may be significantly reduced, simply because they have a long history between them. Even as mortal rivals and being a prominent member of opposite factions that had been in such a bitter rivalry for centuries, only exacerbated by Quan Chi’s machinations, the gravitational force of attraction was always there.

There was an intrinsic intrigue, ever since the OG time where even as Scorpion, he caught up on how significantly different Kuai Liang was compared to Bi-Han. Kuai Liang’s major story arc revolves with the fact that the death of older brother had big impact on Kuai Liang, who in Bi-Han’s honor took name of Sub-Zero as he sought revenge against Scorpion. It was one of his biggest motivation during all MK stories - at least until he made a peace with Hanzo Hasashi. Kuai Liang is idealistic and naive, and Hanzo finds his sympathy, kindness, empathy and mercifulness (despite being absolutely ruthless and ferocious when he’s engaged in kombat) and Hanzo finds that endearing.

Elder Kuai Liang may seem very composed, but Hanzo now knows in the Lin Kuei’s youth, he was driven by emotions (anger, guilt) - just like he is, anger fueled by guilt - and forced to do many things against his will by various powers (Lin Kuei, Quan Chi’s magic, cursed blade) and still he stayed on the heroes’ side. Kuai Liang even made peace with murderer of his brother - himself - and blamed only Quan Chi for what happened to Bi-Han. Hanzo forever feels indebted and grateful for Kuai’s forgiveness.

🤐Would they ever confess their feelings first?

Hanzo most likely would to Kuai Liang, than having it the other way. While Hanzo isn’t much experienced when it comes to having romantic/sexual relationships, for his one and only partner for life had been Harumi and I headcanon that they were friends from childhood years, in which Hanzo soon became Harumi’s suitor and they became lovers from friends, which also lead to them becoming soulmates. Because Hanzo is more emotionally in touch with himself and have no qualms of expressing his thoughts and feelings, it would come much more natural to him than Kuai Liang, who is rather naive and hasn’t experienced all the life’s joys as his childhood and normalcy to experience various appropriate things in Lin Kuei.

❌Would they ever cheat on their partner?

Cheating is wrong, because it breaches his hard-earned trust, devotion and love. The golden rule for arguing about morals is the golden rule itself: One should treat others the way one would like others to treat oneself. The special exclusive bond he shared with him/her would degrade to become never exclusive or special. It would feel like such a violation and make him doubt his own self-worth, that maybe he is not deemed worthy enough. A relationship is heavy, involves a lot of opening up and intimacy, and breaking that trust makes him feel vulnerable and betrayed. The searing mental image of his loved one being intimate with someone else is hard to erase completely from your head, and would haunt him for long. It’s a shattering blend of impotent anger, envy, loss of self-confidence, possible erosion of faith in love, disgust at having opened up to such a person, and mind-numbing regret and sorrow.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦Do they want children?

Hanzo always thrived better with having his offsprings; regardless of biological (Satoshi) or surrogate (Takeda Takahashi), Hanzo’s paternal prowess has not only kept him in check from his severe depression and sole survivor’s guilt, but it boosted his hellfire and fighting capabilities, making him even capable of coming on top of Raiden and Sub-Zero (albeit he was injured before their battle).

🐶Are they a cuddler?

As I have mentioned before, physical intimacy is one of the most crucial and profound part of romantic/sexual relationship. Cuddling often gets conflated with sex because it releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes bonding, and like sex, cuddling can lower blood pressure, ease pain, and increase sexual and life satisfaction. While cuddling doesn’t always make sex as an end result, Hanzo regards cuddling itself as one of the most important communications in relationships, as those subtle, grounding touches anchor him to reality. It only fosters tight-knitted bonding opportunities and cuddling increases his sense of security with Kuai Liang, which in turn, increases his desire to be emotionally intimate and vulnerable with him. There’s no denying the positive effects cuddling has on his relationship.

🔮Do they believe in soul mates?

I think Hanzo both believes in destiny and growth beliefs; it’s the same with Harumi and Kuai, that he was destined to be with a specific person (in this case, people) and that he would have one person who is meant for me in different timelines (if Harumi hadn’t met her gruesome death, Hanzo would have dedicated his life for her). And this is especially important with Hanzo’s relationship with Kuai Liang, and that their relationship slowly progressed and they both grew to fit together - like yin and yang - as they both made conscious effort to become needed and fill in the gaps of their imperfections. While he believes that he and Kuai can be the most compatible person on the face of the earth, but he doesn’t believe there's an invisible force that draws complete strangers towards each other; they have to continue to make conscious effort to understand and perceive each other, even as they begin to know them in-depth.

⚔️ Are they protective of their partner?

Extremely. Although Hanzo knows Kuai is a strong and ferocious warrior who can very easily protect himself from peril and throes of death, it’s the past trauma of losing his clan - not once, but twice under supernatural forces he couldn’t control nor predict - and most definitely his family.

🚀 How far are they willing to go for the person they love?

Once Hanzo commits in romantic/sexual relationships, he will literally go to the ends of the earth and to Hell and back; it’s literally the entirety of his story arc regarding Harumi/Satoshi when you think about it. It it weren’t for Hanzo’s love, Hanzo Hasashi as a character we know as of now may have been nonexistent, and so does Scorpion.

❤️ Do they fall in love easily?

While the severity of his trauma may have been slightly mitigated by the decades of his desiderium and deep longing, Hanzo still has dreams and nightmares about Harumi, whom he considered not only as a longtime friend, a lover, a beloved and devoted wife, but even more so, his soulmate. She was a quiet, but a strong presence who served as Hanzo’s emotional pillar and guidance.

📺 Do they share information about their relationships freely with friends and family?

Initially, Hanzo would be very discreet and hesitant about their relationship; at least until it becomes truly serious and fully devoted. For Hanzo, strategic disclosure and manipulation of co-presence (especially in regards to their shared Grandmasters’ positions and being Earthrealm’s protectors) signals will become the most frequent ways in which information was managed. The most frequent reasons for revelation were felt obligation to reveal based on the relationship with the target, the desire for emotional expression and the desire for psychological support from the target. The most frequent reason to withhold information was the anticipation of a negative reaction from his surroundings, specifically to the Shirai Ryu and perhaps beyond.

This sharing of personal details about his life - your feelings, thoughts, memories, and other such things - Hanzo’s self-disclosure is on the low side; while he is completely open about sharing them to the most trusted, loved individuals, he is much more reserved about such things.

♦️Are they concerned with the social status of their partner?

Social status is most likely the least facet Hanzo is concerned about, but I think Hanzo certainly has a type for someone who is either 1) a commanding leader in any manifestations and forms - Grandmasters, Commanders, those who have been in the leading position where they are responsible for numbers of individuals under their wings, so to speak, and 2) possesses insistence, the iron-will stubbornness that is able to meet his own hot-tempered decisiveness.

💭 Do they tend to sleep better when in bed with their partner?

One of Hanzo’s most absolute favorite things to do is to cuddle naked; while he is much more of a sensual being than sexual, Hanzo does enjoy both physical or emotional closeness. While the term intimate relationship usually implies the inclusion of sexual activity, the term is also used to indicate a relationship with more than just sexual activity. Intimate relationships maintain a key role in his overall human experience because they involve emotional connections with others. This may be romance, physical or sexual attraction, sexual activity, or emotional support, while also helps him to develop strong interpersonal connections.

Hanzo desires physical intimacy of some sort at least occasionally, being that it is a natural part of human sexuality. Because this is most often sensual touching of any sort, it requires an entrance into another's personal space, while it may be an emotional or sexual act anywhere from a hug to a kiss or sexual intercourse. Emotional or sensual touching of this sort aids in the release of oxytocin, dopamine,and serotonin, which reduces stress. Also, without physical intimacy, there are increased feelings of loneliness or sadness and Hanzo is highly prone to suffering both without the intimate proximity with his significant other.

Specifically with Kuai Liang, he finds the quality of his sleep significantly improved; he finds the cryomancer’s coolness extremely comfortable, relaxing and natural. Even as a pyromancer and someone who is more or less used to stifling heat of Japan, regardless of humidity, he finds majority of summer and fall a bit unbearable - since he is the type to sweat a lot in those hot seasons and it’s hard for him to cool down rapidly without feeling significant discomfort beyond where he feels unhygienic and disgusting. Having some kind of weight under him is also a comforting presence, and he dreams less nightmares and unpleasant dreams because of it.

#✗ obsessive cathartic (headcanon)#✗ the ineffable testimony of spawned hellfire (scorpion)#✗ again and always (scorpion x sub-zero)#(relationships; sub-zero)#ephemeralkryonics

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malereaderinsert · 6 years ago

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Second Chance - Part One

Fandom: DC - Aquaman

Pairing: Orm Marius x Male Atlantean Reader

Warnings: Discrimination and that’s it.

Word Count: 2.700

Request: Heey, can I make a request? I saw your post about Orm from Aquaman and I had this idea where the male reader is the royal consort instead of Mera. You are free to do whatever you want with that! Thxx :)

Note: My fingers slipped and this happened. Is up to you guys if I should continue with this story or not, so let me know!!

Orm was obsessing over his brother, again. He had always blamed the man for what happened to his mother and he being a half-breed only made the matters worse. Orm's father had raised his son to hate the surface world as much as it's inhabitants. (Y/n) didn't altogether agree with his king's beliefs.

Yes they were savages who only killed and raged war upon each other, polluted their planet and murdered the childrens of the ocean for sport, but Queen Atlanna had seen good in them and (y/n) had to agree with her, they weren't entirely evil as the Atlanteans weren't entirely good either.

(Y/n) had seen it with his own eyes what the humans are capable off. He walked through the surface world. The atlantean saw injustice, discrimination, oppression and many unspeakable things, but the more he observed the more he saw his own world reflected before him.

The world of men had good traits too. Whenever (y/n) least expected he would be treated with kindness and everlasting compassion, things that he found lacking in Atlantis.

The world of men was only misguided, if only (y/n) could make Orm see that, the imminent blood shed would be prevented. But his future husband was as stubborn as his father before him. And his mind was set on war.

That is why (y/n) offered to help his little sister, Mera. That girl was set to stop her king's crazy plan and nothing would stop her. (y/n) knew it was foolish to try convince her otherwise so he was left with no choice but to help, only if he had known what her plan was.

She went after the half-breed to convince him of his birth right as king of Atlantis.

“Are you out of your goddamn mind Mera!?” (Y/n) had traveled with his sister to the surface so they could talk without the fear of being watched. “I agreed to whatever you were doing to keep you out of harm's way, but this has gone to far.” The (y/h/c) haired man was trembling with barely concealed anger.

“What was I supposed to do? Orm won't listen to reason (y/n), not even YOU could make him change his mind.” The waves crashing upon the rocky sides of the cliff were almost enough to swallow her last words, but (y/n) still heard them and they cut deep.

“He is my future husband, my king. What you're doing is high treason Mera. I'm trying to keep you safe, but I won't be dragged into this mess.”

“So now you'll act like a loyal puppy? For your “king”?” The bitter tone in his sister's voice caught the man him off guard.

“What are you talking about? Yes, OUR king.” (y/n) made a point to emphasize the word.

“He's not my king, not since he chose you to rule at his side and not me.” The girl was barely able to hold her tears at bay. “You remember, right? When I would spend day and night telling you about how much I dreamed to become queen of Atlantis just to have you take my place in the end.”

(Y/n) couldn't believe what he was hearing. Mera was jealous of him for taking her place as royal consort. The atlantean thought his sister's obsession with becoming queen was just a child's fantasy.

Orm didn't chose Mera because the king was already falling for her older brother. And (y/n) being the most skillful warrior in all Atlantis just came as a plus. But his sister wouldn't want to just dethrone Orm for petty jealousy… would her? Then the real reason came to (y/n) like a lightning bolt.

“You want the half-breed to reclaim his birthright just so you can be his queen?” (y/n) saw the way his sister looked down in shame, confirming his suspicion. “You would betray everything, your people, our father and me just so you could have a crown over your head?!” Just thinking about made (y/n) churn, the ideia that his sister could be so naive and irresponsible.

“It's not just the crown. It's the power that comes with it. I could finally be what I was always meant to be.” Mera said those words with a conviction of a mad woman, hungry for power and influence.

“Saving the people of the surface world was never your priority was it? How could I be so blind. I never wanted to take your place Mera. Me and Orm fell in love with each other, that is why I accepted. You know I never wanted this responsibility.” It pained (y/n) to say the next words but he knew with who his heart and loyalty belonged to, and it wasn't to some half-breed he never met. “I thought your heart and mind were in the right place, but I was wrong. If you continue with your crazy plan I won't support you at all. You'll be on your own. And tell your friend that if he ever try to harm my king in anyway, blood will be spilled. And you know I always win. Always.”

With that (y/n) looked at his sister one last time before jumping into the ocean and making his way back to Atlantis.

That same night (y/n) found his king in their shared royal bedroom, pacing, swimming in circles to be more precise. The man had his armor off, with just a purple almost transparent robe covering his body and his blond hair was lose, floating around his head. A sight that only his Royal consort was allowed to see, a fact that (y/n) was rather proud of.

When Orm heard someone at the door he turned around briskly as if expecting a threat. His worry lines softened and a half smile puled at his lips at the sight of his soon to be king.

“(Y/n), my dearest, where were you? I've been worrying sick.” The blond was at his lover's side in a second, giving him a soft kiss in the temple that (y/n) gladly accepted and returned.

“Don't treat me like a damsel in distress my king, we both know I'm very capable of protecting myself.” Orm knew how a ruthless warrior (y/n) could be, the best in all Atlantis, but the blonde still worried. Those were troubled times and the enemy could be lurking anywhere.

“I know you can protect yourself dear, but I can shake the feeling that something bad will happen.” The worry lines were back and the man's expression became haunted. “I feel lost, like I'm drifting through the open sea, without a direction. Except when I'm with you.” The half smile was back but it was somewhat dulled by the heavy subject. “I don't know what I would do if I lost you.”

“You won't. You're stuck with me, for better or worse.” (y/n) knew better than make a promise he had no control over, but he could at least lessen a few worries that plagued the king's heart. “And in a few weeks we will be tied together by Poseidon's blessing. So you better start getting used to the idea of having to look at this beautiful face for all eternity.” That last statement definitely drew a laugh from his king, and (y/n) was glad to ease the tension Orm was under even if a little bit.

“Only you to make me laugh at a time like this.” The king finally gave a real smile, with white teeth, dimples and blue eyes full of admiration. (Y/n) couldn't look at those ocean blue eyes for long without blushing like a teenager, so he turned away at the pretence of removing his armor. “Where were you anyway. It's unlike you to arrive so late.” The king asked while helping (y/n) remove the more complicated pieces of armor.

“I was just taking a walk above sea. I missed the stars.” Technically that wasn't a lie. (Y/n) did miss the sight of the night sky, sparkling with celestial life. Below sea was beautiful, it was his home after all, but the surface had it's own beauties to. He wanted to show all of them to Orm, but he never dared to ask the blonde to go with him. And he definitely wouldn't tell his king the real reason for his late night walk.

(Y/n) could feel the hand in his shoulder freeze, then the hold became a little tighter and suddenly it was gone. Orm had turned his back, his eyes were focused on his city that could be seen through the enormous window in the far side wall.

“We already had this conversation (y/n). I don't like when you go up there. That filthy place it's not worthy of your time or your presence.” The blonde's gaze didn't move from the window so the man behind him couldn't see his face.

“Our last conversation about this subject ended with you storming off and don't speaking with me for three days.” (y/n) left the last piece of his armor float to the floor before swimming towards his king and stopping in front of him, blocking the image of the city.

“Your infatuation with that place is insane.” The man's voice raised while he tried to control his irritation at the topic.

“Insane is your hatred towards an entire race just because of ONE man.” (y/n)'s voice raised to match Orm's, that was growing increasingly upset by the second, but the (y/h/c) haired man didn't stop, he couldn't. “Your brother didn't have anything to do with your mother's death, her choices were her own and if she was here today I'm sure she would agree with me. Atlanna's only dream was to prove to our people that we can coexist with the surface world. Which is exactly the opposite of what you're trying to do. Your mother…”

“My mother is dead!” The scream caught (y/n) by surprise, shocking him to silence. Eyes wide and red. Lips trembling and bared teeth. The king was crying, but the ocean was carrying away his tears.

“Yes she's dead.” (y/n) cupped the king's face with his hands while looking directly into those ocean blue eyes. “And you had to grow up with a man that only knew hatred. You were misguided, my love. War isn't always the answer. They'll only reply with more war and then the vicious cycle will never end. And if it ends someday, the winner would only be left standing in a pile of ashes.” At some point (y/n) had started crying to. It pained him to see Orm that way, helpless.

“What can I do? It's in their blood. They will never change.” The future king could see an opportunity to show Orm that not all men were savages. He needed to show the king how humans really lived, above sea level.

“Then let me show you what I see. Let me prove to you that they deserve a chance. And if I'm not successful in changing your mind, i'll support you and your war.” (y/n) didn't dare look away from his lover's gaze. If he had any chance to stop this conflict and the rise of a new half-breed king, he needed Orm to see reason, it was the only way.

But whatever his king decided to do, (y/n) would never live his side.

“Alright my dearest, I'll give this a chance. You're the only one I trust.” (y/n) sagged with relief as he hugged his king, the man he loved.

“You won't regret this, I promise.” Orm buried his face in the crook of his soon to be king and practically melted when (y/n) begun running his fingers through his hair, in the same way his mother used to do. They stayed like this for a few minutes untill the blonde broke the silence.

“You look like her. My mother I mean.” Orm's whispered from where his face was still hidden in his lover's neck.

“How so?” (y/n) replied quietly, fingers never stoping their ministrations on the strands of blonde hair.

“You're fierce. I mean, you know hundreds of ways to kill a man. You probably could take down an army armed only with your Trident.” (y/n) could only listen to his king, trying to understand from where all of that was coming from. “But you have a heart. You can still be compassionate and benevolent, like her. She always saw the best in people, even when no one treated her with kindness.”

“I remember. She used to say that our people grew cold hearted from the lack of sunlight. And I agreed with her, and still do.” (y/n) gently cupped Orm's cheek, causing the man to look him in the eye. “Let me show you what your mother and I believe in. There's so much beautie up there. The sun, the sky and my favorite, the stars. And so much more. I've never seen so much kindness in one place. Our people can learn from them as much as they can learn from us.” (Y/n) had such an excited expression that Orm couldn't help but mirror it. “You won't have to do anything, I'll make the preparations, but don't worry we'll take it slow, it can be pretty distressing on your first time.” The king had a devilish smile when his lover finished talking.

“Are we still talking about going to the surface right? Or are you getting second intentions, dear?” (y/n)'s only answer for a while was furrowed brows and a look of confusion, and then his eyes lit up and his entire face turned red, making the king even more amused.

“I-I didn't mean to make it sound like that. It's not that I wouldn't be happy to do THAT with you, it's just… we-we should wait untill after the blessing, n-not that… Oh Poseidon help me.” (Y/n) finally got a hold of himself and stopped talking, but he couldn't look into Orm's eyes so he focused on a very interesting bubble by his feet.

His face was burning from embarrassment, if only his father could see him now. The most ruthless warrior in all Atlantis, blushing at the prospect of making love with his king.

“My dear look at me.” The king said while guiding the man's face with a finger under his chin, ever so gentle. (Y/n) couldn't do anything but obey, he let their eyes meet and those ocean blue orbs were shining with such intense adoration that almost brought (Y/n) to tears, again. “I was just teasing. We'll have a lot of time to get to know each other after the blessing, I'm sure. There's nothing I would want more.”

(Y/n) released a water he didn't know he was holding. He wasn't afraid that his king wouldn't feel that way towards him, if Orm never wanted to have sex so be it, but it was good to feel desired. And something in the king's eyes told him he would prove his point very soon.

(Y/n) cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the last bit of embarrassment before speaking. “So if that's settled, I'll talk with Vulko tomorrow about everything we will need for the journey. I think it's best if the whole thing remains a secret, no need to cause unnecessary speculations among the people.”

“Yes, of course. I trust you to get it done, but for now I think we should get some sleep. You look ready to pass out my dear.” Orm gently guided (y/n) towards the bed while the man mumbled about the things he needed to show his King when they got to the surface.

Once (y/n) was laid in bed and almost sleeping the king joined him. Orm hugged his soon to be king close to his chest, giving him a lingering kiss in the nape of the neck. (Y/n) was the only person he trusted in this world, and if he believed the surface dwellers could be redeemed than Orm would give him a chance to prove it.

If they were truly the scum of this world, like his father told him about then they would be destroyed once and for all, and his brother with them.

#orm marius #orm #dc comics #dc #male reader #x male reader #malereader #male!reader #reader #fan fiction #fic #imagine #orm marius x male reader #orm x male reader #orm x reader #aquaman #arthur curry #mera

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tarysande · 6 years ago

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Lucifer & God: Prayer Edition

In Lucifer, we get a lot of examples of people (especially angels) doing what they think God wants them to do. These things are always viewed through the distorted lens of limited understanding. Amenadiel thinks God wants Lucifer back in Hell, so that’s the assumption he acts under. Uriel thinks God wants Mum (and possibly Lucifer) back in Hell, so that’s the assumption he acts under. Time and again, we’re shown Lucifer thinking he understands or knows something ... but as the audience, we know (or think we know!) Lucifer’s thinking is fallible or flawed or downright wrong.

God and God’s Plan loom over the entire universe of the show, but everyone we meet is just guessing. We constantly get little tidbits of conflicting information or conflicting understanding. Personally, I think the danger inherent in assumption and acting on assumption is a major recurring theme.

So, here’s something I (with my equally limited understanding and a dose of assumption!) think about a lot:

When Lucifer prays to God at the end of 1x13, it’s the closest we see to a conversation between God and anyone in real time. Lucifer has an immediate problem: Chloe is about to be killed. God provides an immediate response: He brings Lucifer back to life and Chloe’s life is spared.

Maybe Chloe was never going to die. We don’t know.

It’s the wording of the whole thing that really gets me, though, because obviously, we don’t hear words and neither does Lucifer. A level of assumption is already occurring.

Lucifer prays, “I don't know if this is all part of the plan. Or if You can even hear me. But if You're up there, Dad I need a favor. I'll be the son You always wanted me to be. I'll do as You ask. Go where You want me to. In exchange, all I ask is that you protect Chloe.”

We don’t actually know why God shows Lucifer that Mum has escaped from Hell. We, like Lucifer, assume that it’s because He wants her put back again. What we do know is that Lucifer says, “I’ll be the son You always wanted me to be. I’ll do as You ask. Go where you want me to,” and God’s response is not to send Lucifer back to reign over Hell, effective immediately, even though that’s what Lucifer (and so many others) have assumed God wants. God doesn’t need to bring Lucifer back to save Chloe; He could’ve saved Chloe any number of ways. He chose to send Lucifer back to distract Malcolm so that Chloe could save herself with Lucifer’s help. He chose to send Lucifer back to act as Chloe’s partner in the takedown of Malcolm. God wants him to go back to Earth.

But wait, there’s more!

When we look at the arc of S2, what do we see? Again, a lot of people assuming they know what God wants or needs. So, I’m going to assume something again: I’m going to go with the theory that “the son God always wanted Lucifer to be” was the best manifestation of the gifts God gave him. Light Bringer. Desire. The most beautiful angel.

Though we often associate desire with sin, I don’t think God necessarily created it that way. Desire is complicated. Without desire---a desire to get out of bed in the morning, a desire for a cup of coffee, a desire to make the world a better place, a desire to help others---no good happens, either. Without desire, everything remains static. In S2, more than sin or sex or self-gratification, the desire most prominent (though sometimes misguided; see, assumption) in Lucifer’s choices is to keep Chloe safe and to protect her, not just from known enemies, but from being manipulated (thus, selflessly putting his desire for her second to his desire not to take advantage of what he assumes to be a cosmic insult of his father’s), and even from himself (as he still believes he is a monster unworthy of her).

This illuminates what had previously been thought impossible: that desire can be selfless. Moreover, we start to learn that, if not exactly selfless, Lucifer always takes care that the desire he indulges in is fair. It would be very easy for him to take advantage of others to get what he desires, but instead, he always reciprocates. The sin is taking without giving back in equal measure; that kind of desire is what breeds all the villains and murderers we see week to week, and Lucifer reviles them. What they stand for goes against what he stands for on a fundamental level.

By the end of the season, Lucifer comes up with an impossible solution to an impossible problem: He gives Mum a universe untouched by her ex. He saves his family (and likely the universe itself) the bloody cost of a war. Of course, all of this comes with a cost that he has to bear because he’s the one who chooses. He’s the one with the desire to make things as fair and right as is in his power.

And from this, he regains his original form---angelic, beautiful, selfless, able to weigh desire and grant it in a capacity far different than what he’s been engaging in. He is seen accepting the sometimes-difficult responsibility of desire instead of just indulging in selfishness (which, as we see with the fairness aspect, he was never actually good at; hence, the feelings of being a monster connected to his self-perception).

This, I think, is the son God always wanted him to be. This, I think, is Lucifer doing what His father asked of him the day he made an angel capable of desire (wherein a greatest weakness can also be a greatest strength and vice versa). And on Earth, Chloe’s partner, and a friend, brother, and son slowly reconnecting with people on real levels that involve choice and difficulty and learning and failing and trying again is, I think, where God wants Lucifer to be.

All this growth, however, is so fragile that, when faced with his old issues---jealousy and pride being major ones---Lucifer retreats to the familiar instead of continuing the process of figuring out who he is now. Cain is the kind of selfish Lucifer believed himself to be but actually wasn’t. Cain is the kind of evil, sinful desire that doesn’t give a shit about anyone else or care about fairness. Cain says Lucifer’s greatest weakness is that “you want to be good”---but like most things Cain says, this, too, is a kind of lie. Because Lucifer is good---the fairness at the core of his being, that’s central to the way Lucifer processes everything, including desire---is goodness. That bedrock of goodness is why Chloe loves him and believes in him. Lucifer never lies to her, and she knows---no matter what he says, no matter what he (with his flawed comprehension) thinks about himself---he is a good man. Chloe only believes Cain is good because everything he says and does is a lie.

Which brings us to the finale and the very visible proof we have that Lucifer’s understanding of himself has backslid (back, the monster, gone the beautiful angel) and that that version is the one Chloe’s immediate response and questions and understanding are going to revolve around. I can’t wait to see what they do.

(I’m avoiding pretty much everything s4-related until I watch it and think about it for myself, so I’m not offering speculation; I just think this is the place we’re starting from, and that excites me a lot.)

#lucifer thoughts #lucifer meta #lucifer analysis #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #god #long text post #lucifer on netflix #i am supposed to be working #lunch and then editing i promise

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thirstyhscwriter · 6 years ago

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Home for the Holidays Part 2 II Eric/OC II Holiday/Office AU

Part One

Can you tell I have a few days off work? I’m enjoying this story, even if it is a bit more slow burn than my others. Let me know what you guys are thinking and if there’s anything else you want to see, otherwise you can expect to see the next part soon.

Eric was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs. Shoulders squared she could not help but notice the tension that was all over him. Of course, tension on Eric only made his muscles bulge bigger. Still, she had never seen him looking quite so… uncomfortable before.

“You ok?” She asked, coming to stand awkwardly by his side. “I’m fine” His frown displayed how unhappy he was to be asked the question. Even so, his eyes raked over her body, taking in every curve the dress showed off. She began to blush under his gaze, “I’m glad you wore something I bought you, instead of one of your ridiculous pantsuits.” “I don’t only own pantsuits.” “Don’t you?” He raised an eyebrow, slowly seeming to relax, “They’re all I’ve ever seen you in.” “So? I’ve only ever seen you in suits. I’m sure you wear something else away from the office.” He only frowned in confusion at her statement. Surely, he didn’t only wear suits. Even Eric must own casual clothes. He couldn’t wear suits to bed.

She was still trying to shake the mental image of just what exactly Eric wore to bed when she heard a cry from behind them. His arm awkwardly snaked around her as he turned them to face a woman who could only be his mother. She was impeccably dressed, a suit that could only be from a designer label, and perfectly tailored to her form. There was a drink in her hand, stable despite the slight shake in her fingers which suggested this was not her first of the night. “Eric, darling, this must be the girl your father was telling me about.” His mother swept her up, giving her a heavily perfumed peck on either cheek, before stepping back to properly admire her. “You have no idea how happy it makes me: to see you with a serious girlfriend. And such a pretty one as well.” Eric’s mother looked up at him with true love in her eyes, it would have melted her heart, had she not known that Eric could not return whatever misguided affection his mother felt. She would never have bought a near stranger into her own mothers’ home just to prove a point. Guilt suddenly washed over her. Eric’s mother was looking at her with such joy as if trying to commit each aspect of her to memory, and it was all a lie, a cruel trick being played on her by her own son. “I think I need a drink.” She had wrenched herself out of Eric’s awkward embrace, all of this lying, just for a job. Was she as bad as he was? “Of course, dear,” Blindly she moved away from Eric and his mother, hearing the beginning of their conversation fading behind her “So how did you meet her?”

The benefit of a fancy party like this was that there was no shortage of alcohol. The drinks were strong and plentiful, leaning against the wall she threw back one, and another was instantly put in her hand. “Steady there. I didn’t know Eric was such a painful date.” She looked up to see an attractive man leaning on the wall next to her. He too was in an expensively tailored suit. Unlike Eric, however, there was something more relaxed about this one, tie hanging lose around his neck, sleeves rolled up to reveal tanned forearms. Where Eric was closed off, uninviting there was something open, albeit cocky, about this man. He offered her his hand, with a pang she realised he was the first person to actually introduce themself to her and not simply treat her as an accessory on Eric’s arm. “I’m Tobais, old family friend of Eric’s, fellow prisoner at the holiday celebrations.” She accepted his hand gratefully, enjoying the flirtatious tone in his voice.

“Go on then. Drinking like that I can’t imagine you’re here by choice. How did Eric rope you into this?” He clinked his own drink with hers before throwing it back, “I’m his date. We’ve been dating for a couple of months. Office relationship so we haven’t really told anyone until now.” She gave him the script her and Eric had carefully prepared, “Office part I’ll believe the two of you look more like business partners than a couple. You’ve barely touched him since you arrived. If I was here with a girl who looked like you do I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you.” He had stepped in closer now, a hand lifting up to tuck away a lock of her hair. She caught his hand with a playful grin, removing it from her hair, although she certainly didn’t step away. “presumptuous to believe that I would let you.” He grinned at her words, raising his eyebrows slightly. Evidently, Tobias liked to play.

Suddenly she felt a body pressed against her back. Without looking she could feel who it was, eyes having already taken in every curve of this frustratingly taught body. She could feel Eric’s glare over her head, confirming what Tobias’s flirtation had already made her suspect. Their families may be friends but Tobias and Eric were not.

“Congrats Coulter, she’s much too good for you,” Tobias told him, an amused grin spreading across his face. She wiggled, trying to remove herself from Eric’s body, and the way it was making her stomach turn. He only held on tighter, securing her against him, as if trying to protect her from the harmless man in front of them. “What’s that supposed to mean.” “I mean she deserves a… lover” Once again Tobias’s eyes raked over her, “Not a business partner.” “What…” As fast as she could she reached back to silence Eric, preventing him from saying something that would get them both in trouble. With no sight to aim for and little room to move, however, she ended up grabbing his thigh. It had the desired effect of silencing, the low hiss he emitted, however, nearly made the breath catch in her own throat. “Tobias was just telling me how he struggles to comprehend a couple not partaking in PDA.” Quickly releasing his thigh, she resisted the urge to wipe her hand on her dress, “I was just telling him that unlike other couples we save our intimacy for intimate moments.”

Tobias let out a sarcastic scoff before giving Eric the once over “Coulter, always a pleasure.” His eyes drifted to her one last time, “I’ll see you around.” She only nodded in response, lightly biting her lip at the heat in his gaze. As soon as he was out of sight Eric released her, seeming to all but push her away. “Stay away from Tobias, he’s dangerous. If he caught onto what we were doing he’d have no qualms in using it against me.” What exactly had transpired between Eric and Tobias, she wondered, whatever it was it had left no shortage of bad blood. Eric, evidently, had wronged the other man in some visceral way. “I don’t think we have to worry about him. He was just enjoying meeting a like-minded person at this party.” Someone under the age of fifty he didn’t hate. “What about you, did you enjoy his company more than the others at this party?” There was a hint of jealousy in Eric’s voice that gave her pause. Apparently, Eric could not stand to share even his fake toys. Well, she would not be treated like a possession any longer at this event. “I said I’d help you, I never said I’d enjoy it.” She turned to walk away from him, before she could, however, he reached out, catching her wrist and pulling her back towards him. One hand reached up for her hair, burying his fingers in her hair, where Tobias’s fingers had sat only moments previously. His lips were heavy on her own, possessive and demanding, it left her completely breathless as she pressed herself harder into him, wanting to feel every inch of him against herself, his hard body against her soft one.

All to soon he had pulled away, “What do you think?” He asked smirking, “Enough to convince our friend we want each other?” “Huh…” Was all she could manage, the feeling of his hot lips against her own still lingering. His smirk grew as his eyes came down to inspect her. He leant forwards to whisper in her hear, hot breath making the hairs their stand on end, “I can always make this enjoyable for you if you want…”

Before she could respond or recover, two women were upon them. Eric’s mother and what she could only assume was one of her friends. “I haven’t seen a display like that in quite some time. Really, Eric, I know this is new but you could maintain some more control at an event like this.” His mother was looking at her with disproval now, evidently worried she had captured her son with something other than good, family values. “I don’t mind it at all, good to see some passion at these events, Lord knows I don’t get enough of it. You must tell us the story of how you met if current interactions are anything to go off it must be quite the tale.” The friend was standing by her side now, giving Eric’s mother a warning glance.

“Nothing quite so exciting I’m afraid. We started at work around the same time. We met by working together. Respect and other feelings came much later.” She hoped these words would reassure Eric’s mother, and she certainly did seem calmer, taking her son’s arm into her own. “The story you should here is the one Eric was telling me earlier, about the moment he first knew he was in love with her.” She was looking proudly up at her son now, “Mother…” There was a warning in his voice that cemented her need to know what exactly she was talking about, “I don’t think Eric’s ever told me this story. When exactly did you know you were in love with me.” He gave you a withering look which you ignored, turning to his mother, knowing she would be your best hope of hearing the story he had made up. “He told me it was on the Jackson case…” She remembered that case, evidently Eric was following his own advice of trying to keep his stories as truthful as possible. That had been early on in their work, the first case where she had bested him, finding a flaw he and everyone else at the company had overlooked. Of course, solving it had involved sneaking into his desk and stealing the

file. She had thought he might kill her when she handed her solution into their bosses. She’d savoured that look ever since. “Apparently the two of them were rather competitive. He said he’d never seen such a masterful solution, that he’d never seen such a brilliant mind in his life.” “Mother.” Eric had gone bright red now, a nice touch she thought. “I don’t think I worded it exactly like that.” “You did. Don’t be embarrassed Eric, it’s a sweet story.” Turning back to her friend she continued. “He told me he knew in that moment this was the women who would push him to be better, would make him the best version of himself. Is that not the sweetest thing you ever heard?” She felt her heart stop. She knew it was just a tale, a story he had weaved to make his mother believe they were together, even so, it was exactly what she had always hoped a man might one day say about her. “I think you’ve said enough mother.” Eric reached out, grabbing her hand and pulling her away from his mother and her stories.

“Well, you weave a believable story I’ll tell you that.” She joked, trying to hide just how hot her skin was once again feeling. “Sure.” He told her, refusing to meet her eyes, “Great story.” Eyes searching around the room he pulled at his tie, frustration all over his face. “Room full of Alcoholics and I still can’t seem to get a damn drink”

@iammarylastar @bethcline1971

#eric imagines #jai courtney fic #jai courtney imagines #eric divergent fic #eric divergent #eric imagine #eric #home for the holidays #hfthp2

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