#and it means very much to me and i thought i'd put the lyrics into a prompt post

[cassiaslair]

from i prevail's album, trauma ( 2019 ). slightly modified to fit dialogue prompts. if it's in parentheses, feel free to omit it.

bow down.

get on your knees & bow down.

i come alive, i'll survive, take on anything.

so paint a target on my back, let 'em come to me.

i'm on another level that you'll never reach.

if you seek forgiveness, you'll get nothing from me.

you will never know, it's the price i pay.

look into my eyes, we are not the same.

i'm in control, & you'll know my name.

i gave my life, gave it everything.

the best of your best ain't good enough.

keep running your mouth, & i'ma call your bluff.

so... i had this dream, it meant everything, & i watched it come alive.

i let you in, underneath my skin, & i learned to love the lies.

now i lay awake & i contemplate... have i become what i hate?

would you go to war? would you die for it?

paranoid.

something isn't right, i feel it in my bones.

every time i look around, it follows me home.

i get so stressed out when my head gets loud.

all this emptiness inside, i can't fill the void in my mind.

sometimes i just wanna die (wish that i could tell you why).

is it all inside my head?

i just can't escape the noise.

i think i'm paranoid.

every time you leave.

all i ever wanted was to find someone.

holding it together is the hardest part.

every time you leave, i lose a little piece of me.

every time we speak, words don't do it justice.

it's just us from here.

finishing the puzzle is the hardest part.

everyday wishin' you could stay, 'cause our minds may change, but our hearts remain.

i can't believe you gotta go away again.

if you ever start to hesitate & you feel the weight, it starts to break.

we're not the same; know that this means everything to me.

no one said life gets in the way.

rise above it.

i've been patiently waiting, tying my stomach in knots.

i've been lost in the moment, going to war with my thoughts.

if you're feeling the pressure, the pressure's all that i got.

so if you think you're ready, i'm here to tell you you're not.

you're in over your head.

i'll be damned if i ever let you get me again.

i will stop at nothing 'cause i was made to rise above it.

one of these days, everyone will know (but for now i stand alone).

i count my enemies like trophies.

i've got nothing left to prove.

when i look at you, all i see are trophies.

i'm not afraid to put it all on the line (like it runs in my veins).

you cannot stop me, so don't even try.

breaking down.

i think... i think too much.

i'm a little bit paranoid.

i think i'm breaking (down).

maybe it's in my blood.

hate every single second, minute, hour, every day.

everybody's out to get you.

every time they ask me, i just tell 'em that i'm fine.

i try to hide my demons, but they only multiply.

everybody fucking hates you.

i say i'm feeling hopeless, but no one's listening.

i don't really like myself.

DOA.

on our knees, we pray as we waste away.

we dig our grave, dead on arrival.

i close my eyes & contemplate on why i chose to be great.

i find myself trying to escape from where i'm supposed to be safe.

maybe i should pray like i'm supposed to be saved.

sometimes i feel like getting even, but i choose to behave.

i'm mentally locked in a prison (& i need bail).

i wish i was more flourished. i wish i had more courage.

i wonder if it's all worth it (i wonder...).

dead is the land of the free.

am i not worth saving?

gasoline.

let's burn it fucking down.

back from the dead to tell you that i'm alive.

killed the old way (but i survived).

fuck the blueprint.

death or exile, you decide.

tell 'em all that i made my name.

now it's mine to send up in flames.

this right here is as far as you go.

this right here is where i lose control.

burn it all down, i don't give a fuck.

fuck what they say, fuck everything.

kill it all (kill everything).

nothing but red inside when i close my eyes.

break or bow down, you decide.

tell 'em all that you can't be saved.

tell 'em all that you dug this grave.

learn to live in this mess you made.

hurricane.

tell me i was never good enough.

remind me of the demons that i've been running from.

tell me who the hell you thought i was.

just blame it on the person, the person i've become.

lately, i don't give a fuck.

i can't be myself when i'm with anyone.

(&) maybe, i'm already gone.

i'll never be the same.

it hit me like a hurricane.

i don't know why i drown my mind (in everything they say).

it got the best of me.

tell me that i'm lost inside my mind.

i reach out, but it's pulling me under.

remind me i've been searching for something i won't find.

tell me i was never worth the time.

just blame it on the person you think i left behind.

look into my eyes.

believe me that the storm is coming.

let me be sad.

i'm holding back right now.

('cause) i'm numb to what's around.

i miss the life i used to have (with you right here).

now everything is turning grey.

i'm blacking out the shades for now.

let me be sad.

let me be sad, even for a little while. just a chance to catch my breath.

let me be sad, even for a little while, 'cause it's all that i have left.

can you see it in my eyes, i've been distant?

i can't tell if it's the end or the beginning.

i know i haven't been myself, i'll admit it.

i put up walls so if i burned any bridges, just know i'm doing everything i can to try & fix it (but knowing me i'll probably miss it).

these voices get so vicious.

feels like i'm ripping stitches.

i wish some days i could go back (before life changed, it was so fast).

that time is gone, & i know that (so please, let me be sad).

when all i see are memories, i don't wanna lose a thing.

low.

i'm so damn low.

i can't lie, i'm falling (the floor gave out again).

the walls are caving in.

i've got these voices in my head.

i don't know why i'm broken.

my world is sinking in.

they tell me that i'm not enough.

is it my time?

even when i'm high, i still feel low.

voices in my head won't leave me alone.

i keep falling.

i'm in over my head again.

i'm on my own, i know it.

i think i'm too far gone to save.

i can't let go. i'm holding, i feel it slip away.

the more they say, the more they cut.

i'm hanging by a thread (don't know if i let go).

i'm doing everything i can to fix the problem.

this is how it feels when you hit rock bottom.

deadweight.

i'm cutting out the deadweight.

let me take a second to get this through to you.

it's time you get put in the rearview.

cut ties, there's nothing left to your lies, i'm seeing right through.

let me lay it out so it's clear for you to see.

i'm done with the ones that don't believe.

i'm cutting out the ones who drag me down.

all this negativity weighing down on me.

admit it's so pathetic to think i'd carry you.

i'd rather watch all the lows you sink to.

now i can see what you're really all about.

turn your back & run your mouth.

i laugh at all the time you wasted.

you're bitter, i can fucking taste it.

so if you think that you can drag me down, it's gonna come back around.

keep it up, motherfucker (i'll cut you out).

i don't belong here.

'cause i don't belong here.

those days, it was all i wanted.

nowadays, it feels all the same.

used to stare at my bedroom ceiling wishing everything would change.

now it's hard when you're always searching for the life that you left behind.

time disappears, year after year.

how the hell did i get here?

i feel so far away.

minutes turn to hours & the hours into days.

i gave up everything.

you don't know what you got until you throw it all away.

looking back on the past, all the time i wasted...

i'm running from everyone that tells me that i'm fading out.

must be mistaken 'cause i don't feel anything.

you know i got this brain, it drives me insane.

some days i feel i can't take the pain.

i can't explain it 'cause i don't need anything.

[madbard]

I just realized another reason I love Hozier’s music. It’s not just that the lyrics are complex, or the music itself is beautiful - it’s that Hozier is a musical liar.

Take Cherry Wine. This is a song about an abusive relationship, told from the perspective of someone very much in love with their abuser. Throughout the song, the narrator describes their lover’s cruelty. Lyrics like “I walk my days on a wire” and “open hand or closed fist would be fine” make the darker aspects of their relationship all too evident. At points, the song suggests that they are defending this relationship to someone else who cares about them (“it looks ugly but it’s clean. Oh mama, don’t fuss over me”) and even the more beautiful and seemingly romantic lines later in the song (“oh but she loves like sleep to the freezing”) have dark undertones (what else is sleep to the freezing but death?) Still, I often come across the song being used in a wholesome, romantic context. A lot of factors contribute to this, but I would argue that this song mainly gets mistaken for a romantic song because of how soft and gentle the music is - it presents as a sweet love song in every way except the lyrics. Even those lyrics are told through the lens of someone defending their broken and abusive relationship, deepening the lie. Our narrator wants to portray this relationship as something dark, yet also immensely beautiful and encompassing. The result is a song about the agony and pleasure of a broken relationship, disguised so well as a love song in every possible way that it gets mistaken for something romantic. (Even if you are aware of the meaning, there is still that deep urge to experience the song as something romantic. Just like the narrator, the listener is drawn in by beauty and the powerful idea of love, so much so that it can blind them to reality.)

Variations of this can be seen in Talk. In this song, the narrator makes their intentions very clear - they are sweet-talking someone in order to hide their own thoughts and desires (“I try to talk refined, for fear that you find out how I’m imagining you”). Despite knowing this, the sheer power of the lyrics (“I'd be the voice that urged Orpheus / when her body was found. / I'd be the choiceless hope in grief / that drove him underground. / I'd be the dreadful need in the devotee / that made him turn around, / and I'd be the immediate forgiveness in Eurydice”) overwhelms the listener. We know the speaker is putting on a show. We know they have ulterior motives, and likely don’t even believe what they are saying. But their words are so beautiful that we don’t care. The intense, almost mythic music in the background is so lovely and deep, it makes the lyrics seem genuine, because what lie could sound so astounding and true? In this case, the song about smoke and mirrors and empty talk becomes a love song because the narrator is just that skilled at lying.

Even songs like Too Sweet, sung by a narrator who refuses to be with someone unless they allow their standards to slide, become ‘romantic’ and ‘sweet’ to certain listeners - not because the lyrics are impenetrable, but because so many of Hozier’s narrators are unreliable. His songs spin sweet stories, lies so stunning that listeners are willing to deny what they know in order to experience the beauty of that untruth, the complexity of that space between what is real and what we want to believe.

And isn’t that more true to the experience of being a person, and loving other people, than the simple truths we often see in these types of songs?

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #11: MACHINE LOVE

(also on bandcamp and spotify!)

Welcome back to the Constant Companions Closeups - a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions! Yesterday was the title track, My Darling, My Companion, which means today is the final track on the album - a song about the truths that lay in hiding within artifice, and a computer falling in love - Machine Love!

Before we get started on this particularly long closeup - I'll be doing a follow-up post after this one, answering various miscellaneous questions I've gotten over the course of writing these! If you've got anything you wanna hear more from me about, album-related or otherwise, feel free to reply to this post or send me an ask! It may very well end up part of the bonus closeup :~)

---

Let's circle back to the very first track, Dyad.

In that track's closeup, I mentioned the main sonic touchstones of this release relative to my previous ones being guitars and vocal synths. The whole guitar rock thing I think I've gone into detail enough about, what with all the inspirations I've rattled off in other posts, but there likely is still a burning question for some long-time listeners.

Why vocal synths? Why am I not singing on like half of this album? I thought you were a singer, Jamie Paige, so what is this Hatsune Miku robot Vocaloid crap?

Truth be told, the Vocaloid scene and community has always been a massive source of inspiration for me. So much of my favorite music ever, music that inspires me or touches my heart or makes me go apeshit, has been sung by synthesized vocalists in a language I don't even speak. I grew up with it, and it's grown up with me - music just as intricate, mind-boggling, twisted, fun, and ridiculously creative is being put out every single day by vocal synth producers, and nowadays it's coming from English speaking musicians in droves!

Before this year began, I'd made at least one major contribution to the culture, but in spite of my genuine adoration of everything vocal synth related, I felt like I was just looking in from the other side. Caught between worlds, existing outside of any communities, simply gesturing vaguely towards what I wanted to do.

But I wanted more! I wanted to make the same kinds of things that stirred my heart and made me want to write! I wanted to sing with those same voices! I wanted it to be true - to be like you!

---

I won't lie to you and tell you Kasane Teto has always been my favorite vocal synth. That title used to go to GUMI, and in general, I wasn't particularly attached to any UTAU voicebanks as a younger vocal synth fan. (Nowadays, I genuinely open up OpenUTAU just as much as SynthV because I've fallen deeply in love with Adachi Rei, but that's a story for my next album.) Obviously, I knew of Teto, and found her presence in things like Triple Baka delightful, but for the most part, she was mostly something of an oddity, a wayward piece of vocal synth history that had her Fans like any other.

However, there was one Teto song I've been inexplicably attached to since the moment I first heard it - Song of the Eared Robot, by nwp8861. I was introduced via this particular cover, which I love, but I quickly gravitated to the original. Something about the warbly, childish nature of her very first voicebank, the ambitiously orchestrated and unabashedly digital instrumental, the lyrics referencing fundamental frequencies and Markov chains and compiling code all just spoke to me!

That song stuck with me, laying in a part of my heart that had been collecting dust, all the way to April of 2023.

Now, yes, Teto wasn't always my favorite, and I had other vocal synths I was attached to, but I don't live under a rock, and I still understood how monumental the announcement of Kasane Teto's Synth V voicebank was - to the point that I interrupted a call full of FFXIV-playing friends who knew barely anything about vocal synths and gave them an impromptu TED talk because I was so excited.

(An excerpt of a summary of that night's events, written the morning after. i was up my own ass a little bit but in my defense Kasane Teto had just been announced for Synthesizer V)

I was watching, in real time, a dream made manifest. It's literally one of the Bits with Teto! That she'd be a Vocaloid one day too! And here she was, on the fan favorite engine, sounding genuinely fucking incredible. Especially in hindsight, it's such a beautiful and perfect twist of fate for her.

I saw myself in her. A weird little outcast, explosively reborn and thrust straight into a community's open arms with love. I wanted it to be true - To be like that, too.

It didn't fully hit until later, hearing another cover of a song I'd almost forgotten.

Machine Love, my love letter to the entire world of unbridled creativity and artistry surrounding vocal synths filtered through one sentimental little song, was fully written by the start of May, maybe 4 days after I had gotten my hands on Teto SV and long before a certain compilation album was even a glint in my eye.

If you haven't heard DAEMON/DOLL yet, you really, really, really should go listen to it - yes, I mastered this album, many of my friends and collaborators are featured, and I have two entire songs on it, but I genuinely mean it when I say I believe it's some of the best fucking music that's come out this year in general. In many respects, it also feels like a companion (hah) to Constant Companions.

I had finished writing Machine Love by this point, but it was working on this album in its entirety - discovering artists like Anh Duy, Eggtan, and beat_shobon through it, and hearing everyone in top form making this twin-drilled chimera fucker sing her heart out - that not only made me confident in my decision to go down this artistic path, but that made me fall completely in love with Kasane Teto. And honestly, how could I not? She feels like a microcosm of everything that makes vocal synths so special, this community of creatives all leaving their marks and touchstones along the trail of a great big shared folk mythos. Yeah, maybe the folk hero we're all collectively mythologizing is an anime girl, but yknow maybe Odysseus could take some branding cues from hatsune miku idfk

Basically, even if he says he wants to kill me, I owe fucking everything to rice for inviting me to work on DAEMON/DOLL.

---

On that note, my vision for Machine Love's MV was pretty clear from the beginning.

the actual factual setup for the above shot, which was done entirely in-camera with my laptop, a tv, and two video files manually synced using VLC

The fundamental idea was always there - live-action shots of animation playing back on various screens, edited together to feel somewhat seamless. However, I really struggled with what exactly was going to be on said screens for a while; Big commissions were very far out of my budget, but I knew this song needed something grandiose.

Ultimately, what I arrived at was exactly the kind of scrappy, DIY bullshit it was always meant to be.

I asked my Twitter mutuals for help. And spent a couple months in Final Cut Pro and Apple Motion hell turning all the Teto art I got into a bunch of tiny little mini MVs, some of them parodying real vocal synth MVs, some of simply just evocative of vocal synth MVs, all of them painstakingly edited by yours truly and filmed with the help of some friends over the next couple months across two states and many more cities just to be painstakingly edited and synced up again by yours truly.

THE NEXT MV I DO WILL BE SMALLER IN SCOPE

---

And with that, I believe that's the album!

There's a reason it ends with Machine Love, and not with the title track. I do think that in some respects My Darling, My Companion would have made a better closer, but that song only really resolves one of the thematic strands running through the album.

There isn't really a definitive answer to the specific question "Baby, do you know what you wanna hear?", but it evokes a theme running through the entire album - wanting something, knowing that you want something, and simply needing to find the courage to do it or say it or be it. My Darling, My Companion is in many ways a declaration of intent, an acceptance of what needs to happen, but Machine Love, to me, is that action being done. The words being said!

And now, if I may give this a somewhat selfish tint - with the explosive response my works from this album have gotten, my contributions to things like DAEMON/DOLL and Flavor Foley, the collaborations I've done and that I still have in the pipeline, the friends I've made and the community I've found a spot for myself in, and the newfound voices that I can lay my heart bare with -

Well, shit, I know what I wanna hear, and I've gotten to hear it. I'm a vocaloP. It's real!

Thank you all so goddamn much for reading and listening. I'll see you back here either tomorrow or Monday for the bonus AMA post thing!! Make art and be gay, motherfuckers.

❤️💚

[angelsrcute]

⌗ GOOD LOOKING. 𐙚˙⋆.˚

(´∀｀*)ε｀　) ౨ৎ N–sfw content !! ; Dom!Tartaglia + Sub!F!Reader ➜ cws: modern au,fluff, hurt to comfort, protected sex + use of lube, praising, body worship, drunk sex, teeth-rotting fluff, Dad!Tartaglia is the dad of the year.

꒰ † ੭ — Part 2 of 7 weeks and 3 days, this is also a lyric fic! mixed up the ideas I had, some crdts to @xschizoe and anon. Hope this feeds you all!! (unfortunately scara didn't get hit by a car)

The skyline falls as I try to make sense of it all.

How did you both get together? Long story, not that you'd complain. He's an absolute sweetheart, Tartaglia, Scaramouche's best friend. Frequent dates, showering you with gifts, spoiling the shit out of your kid. No wonder your kid doesn't listen to you anymore, just listens to your new boyfriend. You swore that you'd never let the walls in your heart down, but it did, for him.

I thought I'd uncovered your secrets but, turns out, there's more, You adored me before. Oh, my good looking boy.

Tartaglia would always give you looks when you were with scaramouche, that screamed out ‘he's not good for you, leave him.’ You never really paid any attention to them even if it was true, scaramouche was hurting you. So one night while you were working your part time job at a club, due to desperate measures– you saw him.

You both talked for hours, catching up on eachother, you broke down while talking about scaramouche but he comforted you, apparently tartaglia got a very good job. To celebrate, he ordered some expensive wine even though you refused, he assured you that he wouldn't mind.

Play casino holes of my eyeballs, Roll the dice on my thighs.

The night was a blur, all you remember drinking too much and crying, your head hurting like hell, Childe saying something. Now, you're here, in his bed. In his fucking bed. No clothes on. Tartaglia cuddling you to sleep while burying his head in your hair. Well, after you both were sober enough, he apologised, he didn't mean to sleep with you without proper consent but he just did due to the moment.

Back to the present, Childe coming into your life was the best thing that's happened in your life. You don't really mind that your child looks a bit like his father, Scaramouche nor does Childe. He'd sometimes bring his siblings to play with your child, they enjoyed every moment of it.

You stopped for breath and I sped up, Just to impress you.

You couldn't help but laugh as your husband played with your child, he currently had makeup on his face, his short hair tied into a ponytail, stylist in the making, you think.

“You look fabulous, sweetheart, you should go walk on the runway!”

“Gosh, Y/N, don't tease me like that–” Laughing together as your kid laughed too, in his arms.

Some whining before he finally put the little demon to sleep. Coming out of the room as he hugs you, prepping light kisses to your face. Leading you to your shared bedroom, “The kid is asleep, we finally have some alone time.” He whispers as he leaves trails of kisses down your chest, worshipping you like his goddess.

“Until the little demon gets hungry and calls the peasants for food!” You reply back, giggling.

“Oh cmon, Y/N, I might die of laughing too much, you'd be at fault. Also did I say Scaramouche was at the bar we hooked up in? You should've seen the look on his face!”

“What..?”

“Anyway, in the mood for a quick sex, darlin’? Wouldn't mind another little demon running around in the house.” He says while he places another kiss to your stomach with that stupid smile he charmed you with.

Oh, my good looking boy.

Taglist : @xschizoe, @iruma-chan,

@whoooismkeee, @t0matensalatxoooooo,

@tartagliaboo, @magica-ren

[adhdbisexualramblings]

I really like your Bill Regressor headcanons! Have you thought about a scenario where you describe the circumstances under which Ford was able to positively make him regress? I'd be curious to hear more about that!

Aaaaa thank you!! I’m glad people enjoyed them!

I have thought of that scenario, actually! And I will now give it to you in story form! It’s long so I’m putting it under the cut.

(The story takes place during The Book of Bill’s “drunk karaoke session” (spoilers by the way), meaning that there will be alcohol use and also regression while drunk (Bill has problems). As stated before, Bill’s regression is not typical. His regression is very subtle. I’m hoping I wrote it adequately. :) )

(I also got WAY too into the pre-regression part so apologies regarding that-)

(A quick note: I am aware the Bill and Ford are not great relationship-wise. This story isn’t saying that they are, only that they had good moments together. I’m writing this as a what-if scenario based on headcanons - do with that what you will.)

Title: What a Night

Another knight hops across the board to tear into a bishop with its newly acquired sharp teeth.

“Bill-!” The laugh in Ford’s voice couldn’t be clearer as the horse-shaped piece happily chews its opponent. “That’s not valid!”

“That’s a regular move in inter-dimensional chess! I think you’re just a sore loser.”

Bill swirls his glass and takes a sip himself before offering it to Ford, who takes it gratefully to drink a larger portion. The glass never empties.

“God, you mix a good drink.” He praises with a content sigh, slumping further into the comfortable velvet seat.

“They don’t call me the “universe’s best bartender” for nothin’, you know!” Bill blinks once and leans across the chessboard, knocking over a few pieces, “Wink!”

Stanford grins. He moves to grab a rook and jerks back when it snaps at his finger. He laughs joyously and retries.

“Well, I was Jersey’s best chess player for nearly a decade straight,” to the kids that would play against him, which weren’t many. Still, Ford boasts, “and I can’t assess your bartender thing - I don’t get out into the inter-dimensional bars too often, but you…your drink was…oh, boy,” he giggles, already feeling tipsy. Bill laughs loudly at that; it echoes through the Mindscape.

After many, many, chess rounds that ended in ties, the two companions are more wasted than ever.

“No, Bill, we’ve played We’ll Meet Again five times already.”

Bill pokes an accusatory finger at Ford, hogging their one microphone.

“Shhhut it, IQ. You - you just have terrible taste. ‘K?”

Ford huffs but lets the karaoke happen. He crosses his arms and waits on their couch while Bill slurs the lyrics, completely unaware of his  own volume level. Still, he seems to be enjoying himself. The music in the Mindscape stops. Bill droops in place as soon as it does, microphone dangling in his loose fingers. Singing his heart out to Vera Lynn each and every time probably wasn’t a great idea.

“…OK, I’m bored. Your turn.”

Ford catches the microphone tossed his way and grins widely. Bill replaces his spot on the couch, wiped out. He sighs deeply and adjusts his hat as Ford decides. All Bill needs is a little more pep, he’s sure of it. Hell, he’ll offer some to Fordsy, too. With a clunky wave of his hand, Bill’s “Myoclonic Jerk” appears in his hand. It wobbles in his lax grip before he grips it with both hands and chugs what would be the whole glass if the drink wasn’t infinite. A fuzzy feeling wraps around Bill instantly, and he’s too distracted to realize it’s more than the buzz of alcohol.

“Hey, Sixer!” He leans forward and holds up the glass double-handed like a trophy. Ford whips around from the handy little song selection screen. His eyes fall on the drink. He stumbles closer to the couch to take it.

“Hey, wo-oah, smaller sips.” Bill advises without much actual danger attached to it, clearly amused. He snaps his fingers, popping the drink out of existence after Ford’s share. Ford blinks at his empty hand in confusion, making Bill laugh again. It’s closer to a giggle this time. Ford gathers himself in time to glance at the selection screen.

“Oh, I picked som-something. C’mere.”

Bill floats up, finds himself unsteady, and conjures his cane to “help” him keep his balance despite the fact that the cane is no help at all. He stumbles some and giggles. Bill twirls the cane poorly, squinting at the screen.

“Disco Girl?”

Ford’s drunkenness doesn’t stop him from being self-conscious, it seems. He chuckles with a hesitant smile.

“It’s admittedly catchy.”

Bill crinkles his eye into a grin, bouncing a little.

“Hey, I’m stellar at keeping secrets, Fordsy!”

The song plays.

Saturday night is a night alright Time to groove till the morning light..

Bill knew of Ford’s guilty pleasure for the pop group, but the way he sang with such carefreeness for the entire three minutes had even the triangle surprised. Ford was similarly surprised and overjoyed when his companion also knew the lyrics.

At some point, Ford gets into the groove of the song and starts dancing along. Bill, also plenty giddy, follows suit.

Ford laughs between lyrics, a grin lighting up his features - the laugh booms around the Mindscape. It’s bright, hearty, and from the belly. Bill takes a moment to address the warm pit that laugh leaves in his body. He grins again and gets closer.

Their dancing stays separate for the most part, until Bill slings a hand around Ford’s shoulder and Ford grazes his hand long enough for Bill to feel it.

Bill freezes at the touch. Ford doesn’t, perfectly content. Slowly, Bill takes his hand away to stare at it with a wide eye. The part where Ford’s warm hand had touched his buzzes softly.

The fuzzy feeling from the alcohol and other factors increases. Bill blinks. An odd feeling wells up the longer he keeps thinking of the touch. He’s thinking so much that he doesn’t notice the song end.

“-Bill?” The voice calls.

The addressed demon blinks again - must’ve spaced out. He keeps his touched hand suspended and looks to Ford. The human stopped dancing a while ago and realized his companion had looked off.

Ford must have gotten concerned, Bill realizes. It makes Bill feel…nice.

He finds he wants something from Stanford. It’s not the portal or eternal servitude; Bill knows that’s not it. It ties to the fuzziness he’s been feeling. He decides to figure it out.

He grins and laughs, not fake in the slightest.

“Hah! Do that again!” Bill thrusts his hand to Stanford, the implication being clear as day in his mind, which is starting to feel even happier.

“…Do what?” Ford asks with an owlish blink. He looks down at Bill’s hand and looks to his own six-fingered one, gears turning. It finally clicks, “Hold your hand?”

Seeing nothing wrong with it and susceptible to suggestions, Ford fulfills the request and bring his hand to clasp it around Bill’s smaller one.

The warmth from Ford travels up Bill’s arm and only adds to the warmth in the rest of his body. Bill blinks silently again. Oh. Wow, that felt…comfortable?

Bill slips.

Without registering what he’s really doing, he leans into Ford and grips one of his fingers with his hand, moving to sit on his shoulder. Ford makes a little noise of confusion, to which Bill only giggles at. In a second, all the alcohol is figuratively flushed out of Bill’s system as his earlier excitement dies. Ford frowns.

“Bill? Are you alright?”

Bill gathers himself with a chuckle, “Pfft. Of course I am, Fordsy.” He lies.

Bill’s getting oddly sleepy. He was used to this tiredness, however; it went hand-in-hand with the fuzzy feeling. He squeezes Ford’s finger tighter, which doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Y’know what? It’s been a long night,” Bill starts, temping down the slight fog in his mind.

“…Has it?” Ford asks confusedly. Even intoxicated, he notices the behavior switch in his muse.

“O-oh, sure!” Bill finds that he’s unusually tired. It must’ve been the alcohol’s effect. He hopes his stammer isn’t noticeable, “I mean, this stuff’ll give ya a heck of a hangover.” He laughs falsely again, snapping his fingers.

Their couch immediately turns into a simple, cozy-looking, bed. Ford stares at it oddly.

Bill leaves Stanford’s shoulder but doesn’t let go of his hand. It gives him too much comfort.

“C’mon, kid. Let’s get you to bed.”

Without waiting for an answer, Bill physically pulls Ford toward the bed with impatience. Stanford stumbles at the sudden movement but follows anyway out of curiosity. He falls on the sheets, Bill falls after him.

It’s unsurprisingly comfortable. Ford had been low on energy, but hadn’t realized how tired he had truly been until now. Not bothering to take anything off, he sprawls out over the blanket.

Bill, meanwhile, lightly kicks his feet off the edge of the bed, sitting near Ford’s stomach. His feet don’t even reach the bottom. Bill stares at them swinging with attention and an oddly childish look in his eye. He giggles quietly before noticing that Stanford has already lain down.

Bill moves to hold Ford’s hand again and crawls closer to quietly lay next to him. Ford’s coat is made of fabric that Bill just found out is really comfortable. He snuggles closer to his side, making sure that the human’s sleep in the Mindscape won’t take him back to the waking world before Bill wants him to. He’ll let Fordsy wake up when he’s sober again. That sounded much better.

Ford doesn’t let go of Bill’s tiny hand - maybe he’s too tired to notice. Bill sighs quietly and flutters his eye closed.

In one movement, the karaoke in the Mindscape starts playing a slow lullaby on low volume and the blankets suddenly cover both Ford and Bill comfortably.

Bill turns his eye into a mouth and shoves his thumb inside, sucking on it soothingly. He squeezes a sleeping Ford’s finger tighter as he himself dozes off.

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 2.4

It's in the paper that Allen Klein was involved in 40+ lawsuits and John doesn't question it? At this point, I feel like he just didn't want to let Paul be right about anything. 

My question is who did that work on before? I mean who fucking does business like that? Let alone business with the most successful man in the world. 

John's complaining about Paul being too good at his job is both hilarious (what the hell is Paul supposed to do with that) and sad (it shows just how far their musical relationship has degraded from partners to rivals)

How did they lose Northern Songs? Genuinely, if anyone can break it down for me I'd be so grateful. Anyway I'm sure it was devastating for both of them. “Who'd have the children?” “Dick James”. 

I know I'm insane, but can I be allowed to see a glimmer of goodness here? I really do think it's John's kinder side winning out when he decides not to lie. Like, yes, he gets a buzz off of watching Paul go white at his words, but I think he also just – in that moment – didn't have the heart to trick Paul into staying. 

But also. Why are we trying to maneuver Paul at all if the end game is for John to leave? It just doesn't make sense to try to trick Paul into signing the contract unless John's divorce threat is at the very least not meant to be final. 

I will never understand this picture. Even in the emotional state he's in, he's still hamming it up? There is something seriously wrong with this man. 

I do find it interesting that the fact that Paul cried his eyes out after that meeting isn't even mentioned in the doc. I wonder why. 

Let's put the bizarre, super-warped timeline in this quote aside for a minute. Apparently the depression started after Brian died and it lasted for about two years and John was still in it during Pepper. Okay. That aside . . .

I have to assume this negative lense on what I can only assume means the period between 66 and 68 is highly influenced by hindsight bias. I agree that John was depressed at the time, in an unhappy marriage, doing too much LSD, etc and that looking at Paul's prolific talent and expansive , fast-paced life would have been maddening. But everyone go back to the end of part one really quick. He looks extremely happy. He sounds extremely happy. Everyone who knows him says he's never been happier. I think he just can't accept right now that there was so much good and he's lost it. 

“I look from the wings at the play you are staging . . . I don't know why nobody told you how to unfold your love.”

Insanity quote Hall of Fame. Paul explaining why the Beatles just had to break up, obviously, because he and John "didn't marry the same girl." Someone write the fic where John and Paul both marry the same girl. Could be Yoko or Linda. Sister trad wives au. 

Okay, cool, so this means I have full permission to interpret and tin hat about any lyrics I want then, right?

But also. Are we just not going to talk about the fact that Paul dumped a bucket of garbage water and punched this person? And are we not mentioning the depression and alcoholism and heroin abuse during this time?

It's so embarrassing how he looks to her for confirmation here. John, they asked you what you think. Just you. Not some complicated definition. Not Yoko's definition. Just your own thoughts.

“I couldn't wait for them to make up their mind about peace or whatever. About committing themselves.” Yeah, John. You sound real committed to peace. Or whatever. Here's a theory that anyone can shoot down if they want: John asked Paul for some kind of commitment (a friendship wedding, a partnership contract, a mutual wanking pledge) in India and Paul was a chicken about it. 

What was that day like, I wonder? I imagine extremely stiff and professional and horrid. But who knows. Maybe it was nice, and maybe that made everything worse.

I will go to my death believing that instant karma was for Paul. 

Do we think John actually did send Paul “about twenty postcards from Denmark” all covered in hearts none of which Paul responded to? Paul could be just as cruel in his lack of reaction as John was in his over reaction.

I'm sorry but that is not what a man says when he's just lying to the press to buy time for business. That's what a man says to the press when he's trying desperately to communicate with someone who he can't get through to any other way. 

But really, I just don't understand why the creator chose to minimize Paul's emotional response to John's divorce statement. If we don't see him bawling his eyes out and losing the will to live, he comes off like a self-assured, uncaring, jerk. Which. To be fair. John didn't see those things, and that is exactly what John thought of Paul during this time. But still. The audience now comes away from this doc with a skewed view. 

All we get is Paul being pissed off about Phil Spector butchering Let it Be without his consent and John and George trying to change McCartney's release date without his consent. Which are both a) understandable and b) strong, male, angry reactions. Making this section portray Paul in the same one-dimensional hyper-masculine way that John so often is. Which isn't my favorite. But hey, it's my only complaint about this doc so far.

Anyway, update: I won't be able to do part three until it gets reuploaded, so we're on hiatus for this project for the time being.

[spaceorphan18]

The Lady Whistledown Papers : 1x01 - A Diamond of the First Water (Part 3)

Hi! Welcome back to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I'm taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton's character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

Girls Like You

Jumping back in, we start off with a montage of suitors for both Daphne and Marina set to Maroon 5's Girls Like You. Usually, I have some great thoughts on the use of music within shows but this one feels... just like a fun little pop song to put to a montage? Most of the lyrics involve -- needing a girl like you -- and -- yeah yeah yeah. It's not the most profound song, but it works nicely for the montage.

Also, I love when they match the Featherington girls' dresses. I'd love the backstory as to why Portia is obsessed with citrus fruits.

As a nice touch, when the LW voice over starts, the camera pushes in on Penelope. I kind of love all the hints they give that LW is Pen -- it's incredibly obvious once you start looking for them. Anyway, Penelope is so devilish here. She loves the attention Marina is getting - not only because she finds Marina a nice person, but because it's pissing her mother off. I love that the LW narration is Pen's way of throwing salt in her mothers' wound. It's a bit wicked. And delicious.

What's somewhat wild, though, is that LW goes after the Queen about her choice of Daphne as a diamond. THE QUEEN! Like, that is bold, Pen. Incredibly bold. She even throws shade at King George, like wow. It's no wonder the Queen is obsessed to track her down. Pen's playing with fire here. But I wonder if she doesn't realize, yet, that there can be consequences to her words? I mean - right now, LW is almost like her journaled words being published -- unedited thoughts that aren't necessarily filtered, but are done so anonymously. The only reactions she's really getting are her mother's frustrations -- which she delights in.

It'll be interesting to watch the LW development as the show continues...

Courting I

Awww, it's our first real Polin scene of the show! And it's... like ten seconds long. But! Still plenty to dig through.

Colin's decided to call on Marina - I'm assuming he's the one (or one of the ones really) who brought her flowers. And during one of the suitor's atrocious poems, Colin's throwing Pen (and you could argue Eloise) looks. Like, can you believe this guy? Seriously?

But, no, I love that there's this layer of non-verbal communication right off the bat. Colin isn't just some random dude Pen has had a crush on from afar. They have an established relationship from the onset (which I'll talk about more in a sec) and how many times -- cutting through the ridiculous nature of the society they live in, do they shoot each other knowing looks.

They grew up together, and while Colin probably very much thinks of her as an additional sister at this point -- there's a comfort there that he can express how he's feeling over the situation to her.

A quick second about the dog - it took me a sad amount of times to realize that one of the suitors had brought it as a gift. It also doesn't show up after this episode (I think) so I really hope it's safely living at a neighbor's house after Portia decides to get rid of it.

Anyway... I was thinking about Eloise in this scene. Why is she even in this scene, she doesn't need to be. Well, actually, in a way, she does! First of all - we can appreciate Claudia Jessie's fantastic comedic skills (Btw - anyone else up for a buddy comedy with Claudie Jessie and Nicola Coughlan? Because I sure am here for it).

Secondly, it helps reestablish that Pen and Eloise are bffs. Which helps establish why Colin would otherwise randomly come up to talk to her after calling hour is over. This is the first episode of the series, and all of these relationships are being established. And it can be done without dialogue having to confirm it. It's all subtle, but it's better than the trap of over explaining things in expository dialogue.

Anyway, I want some backstory... How often do Eloise and Pen sneak over to each other's houses? They were children when they met - how often did Pen play over at the Bridgerton house? It's interesting that children are allowed some freedoms that once you get older, aren't allowed anymore. I have to wonder - if one reason that Pen and Colin are so free with each other later on is that because they they were children together, and probably played together as kids, they don't feel as bound by society's rules because they didn't have to when they were younger.

And now I just have all of these headcanons about a much younger Colin chasing his sister(s) and Pen who is visiting around the house in the way siblings do. And Eloise deciding she wants to take revenge, and she and Pen coming up with plots to play pranks on her brother(s). Think of Gregory and Hyacinth at the beginning of the episode, running around causing havoc. And I can just imagine that Eloise and Colin are a lot like that, too. And of course, Pen, who wanted to be away from her own family, from her own sisters who treated her like a disease, would want to be a part of it as much as she could.

Before I get into their exchange, a small, but important detail is what Portia says a moment before -- she encourages the young men to acknowledge her other daughters in hopes that someone will notice Prudence or Phillipa. But the way she includes Penelope's name -- "or even Penelope" -- it's an after thought. It's like, oh yeah, I have a third child I guess if you really want to acknowledge her, go ahead, but meh, who cares. It's so sad, really that Portia thinks so little of her at this point in time.

But then here's the kicker -- not one of these suitors even takes a glance over in Prudence or Phillipa's direction. But Colin takes a moment to full on have a short aside with Penelope. He makes it a point to go over to her to share a laugh -- because they'd probably been rolling their eyes at each other during all of this suitor business, and now that the official courting moment is over, they can have an exchange.

The fact that Portia is so blind to what goes on with her youngest daughter is the reason LW works. Penelope is left to really be on her own - and while that's devastatingly lonely, it also allows her a freedom that other women her age and place in society don't get.

Anyway, back to Colin -- and the fact that the first thing he does is seek out Penelope. He could address his own sister, who is sitting right there, but he doesn't. Because Eloise probably usually ignores him. Penelope doesn't. She latches on to pretty much everything he says, and that's gonna be a big deal for Colin (but we'll get there...)

Their exchange is only a couple of lines, but they're able to be witty with each other. Penelope mentions that the suitor is no Lord Byron (and -- guys, as an aside, if you want a wild time, look up the life and times of Lord Byron and the Shelleys. It's just... a good time...) Anyway, Colin's face subtly shifts in this moment. Her wit and intelligence is impressive, and he clocks that. It's why he keeps coming back to her - because they can share similar thoughts - but also she's deeply amusing on top of that.

And, oh, dear Penelope... Her eyes never leave him. She is just so, so gone. Not only is she just over the moon that he comes to stop to talk to her, not only is she gazing adoringly up at him during the quick exchange, her look lingers as he leaves. Of course, part of this is visual storytelling to show the depths of her feelings. But, we're beyond crush stuff here -- this girl has got it bad.

Seriously -- how does Eloise not notice all of this? I mean, plot purposes, yes, and the fact that Eloise is usually caught up in her own drama to really notice other things. But you'd think you'd notice your best friend being moony for brother after a while. Because, Pen, girl, you wear your heart on your sleeve...

Courting II

Before we get into the meat of this short, little moment - I have to mention the transition. In the scene before, Simon and Anthony were talking, and Anthony mentions that he's not worried about taking a wife because he has brothers... And we cut to this scene where Colin is courting Marina. And, I think it's a neat little transition because - we see Colin doing something that Anthony is actively not doing. Looking for a wife. (Or at least a romantic partner)

That's the thing about Colin -- he is a romantic. Unlike Anthony, whose position is different because he is the oldest and therefore there's more responsibility there, and therefore he'd rather not deal with it at all (and who has a ton of trauma going on in addition) and unlike Benedict, who is kind of caught up in finding himself more than anything, Colin (who is young still at this point) likes the idea of a wife and a partner and a domestic home.

It's one (of many - I'll get to it) reason he is so quick to propose to Marina. It's why he doesn't fuck around ages later when he figures out his feelings for Penelope. It's actually something Colin and Penelope have in common -- they both have a shared love of romance.

Okay, so onto this moment, I want to note the blocking of the scene. Notice how Penelope is on the floor, playing with the dog? It's purposeful! It positions her to reflect that she's still a child, or at least a child when compared to Colin and Marina on the couch, deep in their courting moment. It highlights the chasm currently between them -- something Marina will bring up later, that Penelope is still a child, a younger sister, not serious marriage prospect in Colin's eyes.

There's Lady Whistledown narration going over this scene -- where LW proclaims that Colin might be rewarded with the prize of Marina. And we see Penelope watching with a mix of emotion.

Penelope was having fun with all the suitors back when there were a ton of them and they were spouting bad poetry. But now that it's just Colin and Marina, the knife twists a bit in Pen's heart. She's playing with the puppy, as a way to pretend she's not that interested, but she's dutifully watching. And yes, a small part of it is her LW ways. A bigger part of it is to watch the development of this particular courtship. And, a third part of it is that there's a twisted sense of -- I may hate every thing about what's happening, but we're still in the same room together. She doesn't miss opportunities to be near Colin whenever she can.

The LW narration is somewhat brutal and almost petty. Pen is mocking Marina through the guise of carefully placed compliments. (Note - Julie Andrews doesn't oversell it the narration, but the hint of sarcasm is there.) Again, they did a great job at layering the narration over Pen's face, so we literally are hearing what she's thinking.

Here's the other thing about the narration :: 'It has come to my ears that Mr. Colin Bridgerton will win the grand prize when he sweeps Miss Thompson off her pretty, little, slippered feet.'

There's a lot in that little sentence. Pen is watching Colin and Marina laugh together. And that is hard for Pen -- because we saw it even in the first scene they have together. They laugh, have in-jokes, seek each other out and share cute, sweet little moments. Sure -- we know (or will be told) that Colin is flirty in general, he cracks jokes, makes people seem at ease, and is genuinely kind to everyone. But Pen has taken a lot of those interactions for herself, has buried them away as something special between the two of them.

Colin flirting out during promenades (or whenever) is kind of a distant thing. Pen having a front row seat to watch Colin lay his natural charm at a serious romantic partner is something else entirely. She hates it. And that's why she turns away, because it's a bit too much. And yet, she doesn't leave -- because she can't.

Also, ALSO! The - sweep her off her feet - comment in the narration. Marina will find Colin a bit fun, but it's a nice connection. And I do think she likes Colin. But she's not really swept off her feet. Pen was the one who got swept off her feet. I just... think they did a great job keeping up the duality of having LW be her own thing and having it really reflect Pen's inner thoughts.

So on that angsty note... one more post about the first episode to wrap it up, then we can move on!! See -- I told you there's a lot in this first episode!

[asoulwithadream]

Proof of why Hozier pre-read the Good Omens S2 scripts and made Unreal Unearth based on it.

The song is very obviously "Crowley", as will be explained in this analysis that was very much not fueled by overconsumption of sugary pastries. You may believe that there is one line that does recall Aziraphale more than our loveable sad demon, however I do have a theoretical explanation for that to maintain the strictly demonic narrator. This song, much like its original meaning, is about how he feels betrayed and tricked, or at least, deluded by his own hopes.

You know the distance never made a difference to me. This is the metaphorical distance between them, as angel and demon. They’re considered the opposite of each other. Good and bad. The locations of their respective headquarters, (the basement and the top of the building) is also a physical show of the distance between the two in management and creature type.

I swam a lake of fire, I'd have walked across the floor of any sea The lyrics say that he “SWAM” past-tense, so this would refer to actual things Crowley has done: he did step into a whirlwind of Hellfire disguised as Aziraphale, right? And he did run into a burning bookshop for him. Metaphorically, he did swim through a lot of fire. Ignored the vastness between all that can be seen and all that we believe Crowley believes that what he thought their relationship was (“us”), in the end, was just his own imagination or fantasy of what he wanted them to be. So I thought you were like an angel to me This is one of my favourite parallels in the song, due to the changing definition of “angel” throughout the song, and how it’s used in the phrasing. Here, “angel” becomes the goodness and kindness that Crowley sees in Aziraphale; how angels are traditionally viewed by humanity. Then, he adds “to me”, alluding to their special relationship, different from the usual angel/demon relations between Heaven and Hell. He thought that Aziraphale had been, was, and would be, good and kind, to him.

Funny how true colours shine in darkness and in secrecy To not only Crowley, but most beings, the secrecy here is God’s Ineffable Plan™, and the darkness is the Metatron’s manipulative meddling. In light of fulfilling it (through the Second Coming), Aziraphale shows his true colours by siding with the angels. If there were scarlet flags, they washed out in the mind of me Crowley justifies putting Aziraphale on a pedestal that “he didn’t deserve” (because of said betrayal) because he was so blinded by love and hope, that he couldn’t realise the extent of Aziraphale’s religious trauma and character. Where a blinding light shone on you every night and either side of my sleep In the Divine Comedy, Dante is blinded by light in order to see God. Aziraphale has been systematically coerced into siding with Heaven, and this blinding light is what he sees as his destiny and responsibility to the world and to God’s Plan™. I wouldn’t doubt that Crowley would have nightmares of this, considering that he canonically does sleep. Where you were held frozen like an angel to me Here is the second parallel of the term “angel”. Angel has now become what demons see angels like: cold, callous creatures, only different from demons by look and power. Aziraphale trapped himself (or “held” himself “frozen”) in his vision of a grander future, encouraged by the Metatron, which made him become distant and cold to Crowley in the time-span of a poorly-timed confession.

It ain't the being alone (sha-la-la) Here begins a part where Crowley seems to try convince both Aziraphale and himself that some of the consequences of the divorce don't really affect him, to emphasise the LAST effect, as will be explained below. Thus, being alone is a big part of being Hell’s representative on Earth, so that wouldn’t be the biggest hurt that Crowley experiences post-divorce. It ain't the empty home, baby (sha-la-la) Though I can imagine that the bookshop without Aziraphale is not the same, he could still find some nostalgic comfort in the place. And after all, it's as cold as his own apartment now. You know I'm good on my own (sha-la-la), sha-la-la, baby Crowley repeating the fact that he's alone. He reminds Aziraphale that he really doesn't care being by himself, maybe trying to get a jab at the angel by showing that "Us" can just be Crowley if h wants to. You know, it's more the being unknown So much of the living, love, is the being unknown What I believe hurt Crowley the most about the entire situation is that he thought that they knew each other and shared an incredibly special relationship given their circumstances (even if it was just platonic, and never ventured further). However, through choosing Heaven, the entire worth of their relationship seemed to shatter into pieces, as if Crowley never truly meant anything to Aziraphale, as if they were never friends. And that hurts particularly, because to Crowley, Aziraphale was the only one to ever truly know him.

You called me "angel" for the first time, my heart leapt from me You could very clearly read this as from Aziraphale, however, it doesn’t make as much sense in the context of the song (as being predominantly Crowley coded), so I have another theory that could explain this line, that I, truthfully, like more: - Aziraphale has, through the history of their friendship, called Crowley a variation of “nice” due to different occasions (2500 BCE, 1793, 1827, 1941, 2019, and so on…) This calls back to the first usage of angel in the song, synonymous to the traditional qualities of holy beings (nice, kind, etc). Whilst Crowley does react negatively every time Aziraphale refers to him as such, imagine being seen for the first time in a positive light by someone you thought was your enemy after being condemned and judged as pure evil forever. Maybe this was what solidified Crowley’s feelings: the realisation (or, the fabrication of a delusion) that Aziraphale was different, that he was like him, that he could see through the pre-set prejudices. You smile now, I can see its pieces still stuck in your teeth Even in the end, during the 15 Minutes, you can still see Aziraphale smile, and I believe that Crowley recognised that Aziraphale in the one that was ultimately "betraying him". Of course, now there's this entirely new side of the angel, but I believe that in these moments he’s realising that both the angel he knew, and the angel he’s meeting now, were both Aziraphale all along. And what's left of it, I listen to it tick, every tedious beat Crowley’s hanging on to the last memories before they vanish completely. Their dying relationship is like a heart about to fail, a clock saying goodnight, and whilst I can imagine that Crowley would want to distance himself to avoid getting hurt any further, he would be able to completely, especially because of the lines after the next one. Going unknown as any angel to me Aziraphale, by becoming Head Archangel, has ceremoniously become the authority of Heaven itself, one of the many things that Crowley hates the most. By doing so, Aziraphale is now part of the group of angels that Crowley has as the second definition of “angel”. The ones that never knew him.

Do you know, I could break beneath the weight Of the goodness, love, I still carry for you? I know that even though all of this happened, Crowley still has his feelings for Aziraphale. If he didn’t the 15 Minutes wouldn’t have been so painful, especially considering the weight and length of their relationship: they’ve been through Hell (literally) and knowing someone for so long can not be erased within a day. And I think that despite Aziraphale’s actions, Crowley still loves him, and with time will come to understand him. That I'd walk so far just to take the injury of finally knowing you The "ironic" line delivery is very much a testament to Crowley’s character and how he behaves, and most importantly, the betrayal which he feels. Anyways, Crowley has sacrificed both material and emotional value for Aziraphale. Not only did he give up God’s Ineffable Plan™ (not only for the angel, but he was a part of the reason), but he abandoned his position and allies in Hell and completely isolated himself to be on his and Aziraphale’s side, and helped the angel with the Gabriel crisis and its implication all throughout Season 2. And not only that, but confessing is also a pretty demanding and difficult task. Everything he’s done was for the person he imagined Aziraphale to be, only to be hurt by who Aziraphale actually is and what he’d actually do. Sacrifices thrown to the side.

It ain't the being alone (sha-la-la) It ain't the empty home, baby (sha-la-la, sha-la-la, la-la-la) You know I'm good on my own (sha-la-la), sha-la-la, baby You know, it's more the being unknown

And there are some people, love, who are better unknown Another jab at Aziraphale, trying to convey that Crowley regrets ever taking the time to know, befriend, and fall in love with the angel. He’s trying to convince the both of them that this was a waste of time, and that it was never truly worth getting to know each other, if heartbreak was the only conclusion of their relationship.

[bisnes-socks]

i said i might do more in depth thoughts of stephanie and so i did.

the first post was a bit rushed but many of the points very much still stand, this post i guess is just trying to make the same points a bit better and deeper. so idk how much of a musical analysis this is, and how much i'm just trying to put vibes and feelings into words, but here goes.

i said in the first post how i like that the structure isn't the usual verse chorus verse chorus - well, actually it kind of is that, but the chorus doesn't feel like an obvious chorus, because they only play it twice and it's not the same those times. there is almost a pre-chorus like feeling to it, and then the song ends in what could have been a bridge, if the song was longer. this song to me feels like a part of something bigger, and that's why i'm super excited to hear in the context of the full album. with that being said, i still think it works super well on its own as well, i really love the vibes.

the early 2000's brit rock and indie rock influence, such as arctic monkeys or black kids, is still quite obvious to me, but so is the 80's influence as well, like orchestral manoeuvers in the dark was the first one that came to my mind. then again, the 80's influence on early 2000's brit rock and indie rock in general is also pretty obvious, so i think influences in music in general should always be seen as a spectrum, rather than fixed, separate points. everything is always influenced by things that came before it, and what we can name as an influence on something will always depend on where we've heard a specific style or flavour or spice in music first.

it's a different sound than what we've heard from them before. i don't know if this makes any sense to anyone other than myself, but to me, the sound on this song is the sound of a collective more than the sound of the band. what i mean by that is that there are so many elements in the song that are not straight forward band instruments, or instruments that are in their usual line up. this sound is produced by five professinal musicians working as a collective, rather than five band members playing their respective instruments simultaniously. does that make any sense? i don't know, but it's how i feel - like there could be more people on this song than there are. but i think the best songs always do sound like all of the people who made it, not just one or two.

like i said in my first post, the drums are super interesting in this one. the drum machineness of it all, the super 80's style drum fills, the percussive details of little pings and pangs that decorate the track, that's all something that hasn't been super typical in pop or rock music recently, and harkens back to the 70's, 80's and also the early 2000's indie scene. it's super interesting to listen to, and i can genuenly recommend taking the time to listen to the track a couple of times focusing on just the drums and percussion.

in fact, i'd recommend listening to the track (this track and honestly just songs in general) several times, always choosing a different instrument or element to focus on, because there is a lot of cool stuff going on in this song! vocals and lyrics often take the main focus, but i always find it worth it to carefully listen beyond the lyrics.

the drum parts are also just genuenly fun. the drums and the bass make it a very dancable song, which again, it's both very 80's and very early 2000's to make super bop-y, dancable songs with sad or dark lyrics. the contrast is quite yummy to me. it also brings a vibe to the song i really really love. it reminds me of a quote about movies, about how drama movies should always have a little bit of comedy in them, because that's how real life is. there is always always both light and dark, sadness and happiness present in everything. crying and laughing all at once. that's the vibe of the song to me, and it's brilliant.

the song has so many layers to it, it's honestly brilliantly mixed: there's something happening in almost every direction, every distance, so to speak. and so many different synth sounds! sharp strikes here, notes held there, runs here, backround walls there. take a moment to find them all, it's super rewarding and again, genuenly fun!

the vocal delivery is also a cool contrast with the musical aspects. the voice doesn't convey a lot of emotion, on purpose i think. he sounds a bit numb and detached, and the music being so whimsical with all of its details and decorations, it's just a really cool juxtaposition.

and at the end, repeating the lines about love and happiness not being built for people like me, with the guitar playing the same melody, when the vocal line and the guitar line go out of sync and he starts repeating the lines to a different rythm, i think it highlights the juxtaposition even more, it's like.. it's like he's not even listening to the whimsy of the music anymore, but getting carried away in his own head by the lines. and repeating them in an almost monotoe way.. i just think it's a brilliant way to deliver the emotion behind the lyric.

but the song ends in the major key whimsical runs on the keyboard with a very fun percussion rythm, and so i think ultimately the mood left behind by the song is quite positive. it's melancholic sure, a bit angsty yes, but at the same time it's not a depressing feeling. 

like i don't know how else to put it, but the whole song is like. everything is going to shit in your life, but you're on a walk and the leaves are super pretty colours and the weather is just perfect, and you breathe in fresh air and it's like. yeah everything is kinda fucked but right in this moment, right at this minute, it's all kind of.. okay. and for a split second you can imagine a future where things are less shit. where maybe happiness and love are built for people like you.

[adhdtsukasa]

good morning everyone, rise and shine, have you thought about the world hasn't even started yet today? nope? then now you do! because with full emukasa and ruinene sekahaji alts finally releasing, it's time for me to (over)analyze my favorite and definitely one of the most underrated wonderlands x showtime's songs that is still haunting the narrative to this day. (haunting the narrative is actually a bit of a dramatic way to call it, but i like to be dramatic and so do wxs.)

in full seriousness, i just really, really like sekahaji's lyrics and it's such a shame it's not getting talked about that much anymore only because that's an old song, especially since pinocchiop is a lyrics genius. so if you're interested in my personal interpretation of sekahaji, including analyzing the foreshadowing of the future events included in the lyrics and analyzing the line distribution not only in the original ver, but in the alt vocals as well, then tune in! because i have a lot to say.

will be using the screenshots from vocaloid lyrics wiki, but i'm going to say who's singing the line anyways, so it's not that much of a problem. i think. (also the alts line distribution is not really that important, it's mostly ruikasa and emunene singing each other's lines with two exceptions. but some lines hurt more when it's the other who sings it, so who am i not to mention it?)

"sekahaji is such a fun song" and then the first lines of the song after the bunch of hey heys and it's showtimes are already giving me a bunch of an emotional damage. oh, man. being a wxs fan sureee is so fun.

while we're at the topic of the first lyrics, it's kinda interesting that rui's the one who says "let's go!" instead of tsukasa, as this is expected from the latter with his position as the troupe leader — but i'm not going to read too much into it, because i doubt it matters lol. if i have to somehow explain it, then i'd say it's because rui's a stage director, so he's in charge of being the one to start the show. sort of. it's not really important.

"with a cast who can use magic and monsters who are burdened with trauma" is such a tsukasa line, honestly. it may seem more rui-like at first, but it fits tsukasa a lot, too. personally, i always interpret it as a spark contrast between who wxs were and who wxs are now — their pasts weren't the most pleasant thing ever (with exception of maybe emu, but even she is still haunted by the grief from her grandpa's death), they indeed were pretty traumatized (especially rui, but you cannot just ignore the rest). they were monsters, because they weren't perfect. and tsukasa is the type of person who strives for perfection.

they're not monsters anymore, however. (they never were, but try to explain it to four traumatized teenagers) now, it's their turn to be the magic-using cast! and the mentioned magic is them putting on shows and spreading shows, obviously. if you read into it a bit more, you can even say that the former cast, the one from when wxs were still these so-called monsters, was their idols, the people who sparked the dream of performing in them — seiichi amami, rakunosuke otori, yuka kazamatsuri and tom gray. (such an insane april fools unit)

in the ruinene alt, rui's the one who sings this line. and this stings a bit, because obviously... he'd think of himself as a monster burdened with trauma. rui...

nene is the one who sings this line in original, and this makes sense. that's a rather logical line, and so is nene. "disappear" isn't meaning death here, as it often means in the proseka terms — "disappear" is just the another word of something passing, something ending. vanitas vanitatum et omnia vanitas, you can say. i'm sorry that was stronger than me.

the disband arc (i'm so sorry, i know we're way past it. but it is an important part of the wxs lore. i'm not going to shut up about it) had it very beginning in nene, after all. its first mentions appeared in mermaid admiration, which was just a mere start of both the second arc and the second rotation (wxs has only just started getting better, after all!), and then island panic started the domino that was curtain call, amidst a dream and so on, and so on. nene knew that everyone's destined to disappear — to part ways — someday. this was creeping up to her from behind almost from the very start.

in the emukasa anabo, it's emu who got this line. it makes it even worse, because it's what emu's perspective of the disband arc was about. she wanted to stay at wonder stage, nene, rui and tsukasa wanted to go further than it. everyone's destined to disappear someday, because her dream is just too simple for them to share it.

okay, i'm gonna be honest here — i have no clue what to do with this line. i didn't want to skip it, as it's rui's solo line and is surrounded by such impactful words, it surely makes sense, i just don't really see it at this moment. sorry rui. the best i can do is to say that "heartbeat fading over time" may symbolize rui's deteriorating mental state in middle school, but, like... that's an awful reaching.

it makes a bit more sense when you look at it from tsukasa's pov, both because he has this line in the emukasa alt and because it's a song formed from his feelings — the heartbeat here is his real ambition, his want to make everyone smile and the way he forgot it in the main story. still don't know what to do with the ticket that's long past expired. my thoughts are kinda going in the direction of it being wonderland sekai, but i don't have any argument to actually explain it.

finally coming to an end of this part, (not because it's bad, but because it hurts), at this point you can guess that it's a line sung by emu and oh god, it made me suffer so much when i was waiting for our happy ending to release. yep, it's the foreshadowing of the disband arc again, who would've think, right? looking back at it now where the disband arc is finally resolved (for now. it's going to come back one day, surely), it's one of my favorite lines in the song, as it touches emu's internal struggle during these days perfectly.

i'm assuming the "let's come" means "let's come here" as in: come to a certain place (in my interpretation, wonder stage) because i have no idea why the "here" isn't here, as i was pretty much convinced that it was. but whatever. the way i see this line is how emu was always happily inviting the rest of wxs to visit wonder stage, wanting to spend time with them and make everyone smile, yet deep down in herself still knowing that she shouldn't take it as granted. she would want to spend yet another year with wxs by her side, but, back then, it was not a promise. there was always this possibility that next year, she'll be alone once again — because wonder stage is their place to go, but it's not going to be this way for forever.

in the ruinene anabo, nene got this line. i'm not going to say a lot about it, as i've already covered this topic before — it's a mermaid admiration reference, once again. even more so in this very line, because when i think about associating this line with nene, the first thing i see is her mermaid admiration untrained.

i think it's also pretty interesting that while tsukasa and rui got the lines that are more similiar to main story/first arc, emu and nene got the lines about the second arc!

i don't have much to say about it, it's just that rui sings this line and it makes me think about main story — to the wxs fall-out, specifically. the troupe didn't even properly start yet, just like the world!, and yet there are already bad things happening — tsukasa screamed at nene for messing up the show, rui got mad at tsukasa and decided not to come here again, emu is blaming herself for everything, for being unable to make them smile. it's definitely already no-good... just like most of rui's experiences.

as you can probably guess by the way the line distribution is arranged in the alts, tsukasa got this line in emukasa anabo. and this makes a lot of sense after all too, because, well... it was him who messed up. maybe it's about the moment when he finally realizes his true feelings?

the only explanation for this line is that tsukasa's feelings are currently all over the place because he's experiencing overstimulation. the conclusion is that tenma tsukasa has ADHD, thank you, time to pack it up, analysis over, everyone go home

i'm just kidding, but this line has been permanently noted in my brain as "the ADHD tsukasa line" ("why not autism tsukasa line" take a good look at my url. the sole reason is that i'm a bit insane) so it's hard for me to see it as anything else. we're not discussing tsukasa's obvious neurodivergence today, though, so let's move on to me trying to actually make something out of it—

"there's too much noise" part belongs to nene, while the rest of the line is sung by emu. nene (more in the early game than nowadays, but still) is often seen complaining and flinching at loud noises, and this was my first thought, however! emu got this line as well, and she doesn't really have any issue with loud noises as she's a very energetic and cheerful person, right? (and so is tsukasa and yet for some reason he has this line in his very own song. but i'm not going to repeat myself) here comes my second thought — it's referencing the main story fight. it would make sense both for nene (she's the one who is screamed at) and emu (she thinks it's her fault for being "selfish") to have it. this is also one of the two exceptions where it's not just rks emnn singing each other lines — rui and tsukasa in their respective anabos got the "there's too much noise" part. if it was about the fight, it'd make sense for rui as well — after all, he's the one who has to look at his childhood friend getting blamed for something that is partially his fault.

on a slightly unrelated note, i'm a big fan of the way how in emukasa alt tsukasa sings "there's too much noise" in a voice that's close to breaking, while emu is happily going "so much noise! and it keeps getting worse!!" with sparkles and flowers all around her. i love her so much. never change emu.

besides "just as i always have" that's sung by nene, this whole line belongs completely to emu — and i think this says a lot. the "deteriorating, abandoned room" is yet another metaphor for wonder stage, because that's how wonder stage was like when tsukasa sees it for the first time; deteriorated and abandoned, with emu as its only visitor. but emu doesn't give up. emu keeps on dreaming, keeps on wishing for it to return to its former glory.

i didn't say anything about the first line, because, uh. despite being sung by emu, i think it correlates to tsukasa and his ambitions more, etc, etc... but i also don't have a clear enough thought to elaborate on it. sorry!

the deeper we are in the song, the more cheerful the melody and the vibe of it gets, while the lyrics are starting to go in a slightly... different direction. the lyrics are inviting you to a never-ending party, a way to cope with all the bad things that happen to you. it fits wxs a lot, doesn't it? they're the group that is sharing childlike wonder with everyone and wishes to make people smile, while themselves are being often paralleled with niigo and aren't really the happiest and healthiest people in the universe (and they have a habit of not talking about their feelings as well). it would make sense for them to want to cut the negativity in their lives off, not only for their own sake, but also for the sake of the others around them (after all, this was the whole point of smile of a dreamer). wonderland sekai is their place to go, a place where they can drown themselves in the never-ending fun and fight off the negativity. because... they still can do it, right? because the world hasn't even started yet.

at this point, they're much better, obviously. because we're almost four years in the game and now wxs isn't only their escapism anymore, it's the place filled with the people they all love so much. but when we were still at main story, it'd make sense for them to be just like that, as their bond still wasn't as strong as it is now back then.

this part came out a bit too angsty than i wanted and i'm not proud of it, but i don't really know how to express what i mean with it in words. if you actually understood my intention, then you deserve a gold star. i'll have to rewrite it a few months later probably eh

while a lot of people think of this line as of a really dark one, i don't think that's the case! actually, it's a rather positive and optimistic one. the mention of hell can make someone flinch, that's for sure, but it's the same case as the mentioned earlier "monsters burdened with trauma" — it's just wxs self-deprecating themselves because of their past. for most of them, their past experiences surely could be called "hell", because everyone experiences trauma differently. but they're not in this hell anymore. their past is over, they're not alone anymore, they have each other now — this is their happy ending that plays out... from their phones, in form of the untitled.

after all, rui was right! the ending for sure will be a happy one, as long as they are together!

i've noticed that a lot of the sekahaji lyrics are matching with the latter ones, and this is no expection: once again, the first line talks about the first arc events, while the second is leaning more onto the second arc, just like in the first verse.

i'm not a native english speaker, so i have to admit, i had to look up what does thick-skinned mean lol i'm a bit surprised that's actually a rather positive thing? with how tsukasa was acting in the main story, i was expecting it to be more on the negative side. i can't say that it doesn't fit, though. tsukasa's most famous (?) depiction as a king is his wonder magical showtime card, while wonder magical showtime itself is an event focusing on how tsukasa is not going to let go of emu's dream that easily, that even the criticism of the phenniland members that didn't want to help them at first is not going to stop him (although it's been a long time since i watched wms, so correct me if i'm wrong!) — and that's what i understood that thick-skinned means.

meanwhile, rui is the alchemist. he's often described as such and is even depicted as one in his revival my dream card (...but we don't talk about revival my dream). and while "full of desires" doesn't neccesarily mean greedy — it's normal to have wishes and desires, after all — rui is not only called that by himself, but by the game as well, since he, too, has his own desires. and... having too much desires is a dangerous thing. (it kind of sounds like i'm demonizing rui i'm going to cry. that is NOT my intention i swear.)

and as i said earlier, the second line is corresponding to disband arc again. presented as the happy, unbothered group on the surface, wxs is some kind of an utopia, a perfect world, and so is their sekai — but they're always being followed by this feeling of uncertainty, of impending goodbye. or rather, were followed. whether you think disband arc is going to come back one day or not, i think it's safe to assume that sekahaji's references are not going further than our happy ending. at the point of the wxs story where we are now, the disband arc is resolved. of course, one day their utopia will cease to exist and they'll truly be forced to leave their attachments behind, returning to the real world. but this day is not today. today, they can still be happy. because the world hasn't even started yet. (or has it, it's just more pleasant that they were expecting?)

i didn't mention who's singing these lines earlier, but... i've already covered this topic many times. tsukasa (rui in ruinene anabo) is singing the first, nene (emu in emukasa anabo) is singing the second. and my explanation for it is pretty much similiar to the verses from the very beginning, so... yeah, let's just move on to something more interesting, shall we?

this fragment is matching the fragment starting with "there is too much noise", so that's my yet another argument for it referencing the main story fight — and this part is way more transparent in doing so. "there's too much conflict" is sung only by nene, but the latter part is sung by both her and emu. and as we already know, nene was the one who suffered the most in it, while emu was the one blaming herself the most (interestingly though, nene sings the "i couldn't help but worry" in the full group version!). the boys got "there's too much conflict" in their respective alts as well, so rui singing this line applies to his reaction to the fight, too.

"it's like when our arms are all tangled together" could be the failed show, because that's what happens when you mess up. it's also emu who sings this, and it's a very emu-like way of describing things.

and even though tsukasa is not singing the last line (it's still either emu or nene, depending on the version) it's still his untitled, so i can boldly say that it's about him. he brushed off the dust of his memories and rebooted himself, remembering his true feelings and entering his path to become a better person. the fight has ended and we're nearing the end of the song, just like we're nearing the end of the main story.

you can also say that it's about rebooting robonene. that... would work as well, i guess.

haha, hey, do you know what's happening on nene's mermaid admiration untrained? wxs are playing with fireworks, together. and do you know what they also want to do together? stay like that for forever. it truly was out firework show that lasts a lifespan!

the motif of a firework show appears also in wonder magical showtime, where it's an ending for the show the phenniland cast put on to save phoenix wonderland from being turned into a place that doesn't resemble the old phoenix wonderland at all. it's no wonder wxs would want it to last a lifespan. after all, it's emu's dream for phenniland to never change and always be the place that she remembers from her childhood.

and this is just a description of wonderland sekai, honestly. it has roller coaster in it + they are often seen in the background of various wxs cards. the starry skies are often present as well. it's not like we got two (2) songs with "starry sky" in their name for nothing.

i feel like "the best of the worst of crappy plays" is the show that sparked the main story argument in the first place — it was messed up, so it was crappy and horrible, no doubt for that. but it's also the best — why? because if not its failure, tsukasa wouldn't find his true feelings and wxs wouldn't even form. when such a crappy play made you get closer to your best friends and turned your life for the better, how can you not feel at least slightly grateful for its existence?

the second line is included here as well, because i don't really have an idea what to do with it. it's such a great line, however, so it would be a shame to just leave it out. the only thing i'm going to mention is that it's interesting that the prospect of an ending was there with them from the very, very beginning.

this one i see as a nod to smile of a dreamer and wonder magical showtime — because emu's family already had their own plans about what to do with phoenix wonderland. these were the plans that'd make them a lot of money, so it was their "harmonius future", even though emu didn't agree with it.

emu alone wasn't able to do much, but then she met wxs... and then the entirety of phenniland stood by her side. together, they were able to break the plans for a harmonious future. together, they were able to made her dream come true.

and, finally, the last line i'm going to talk about today! the bell is a symbol for new beginnings, just like this lyric itself says, so the act of ringing it is a new era in tsukasa's, emu's, nene's and rui's lives beginning — the formation of wonderlands x showtime! especially since it's the last line in the song aside of the last the world hasn't even started yet (not counting the hey heys and it's showtimes once again).

this is not the only time the bell is referenced in a wxs song, though — because it made an appearance also in the 2DMV for sekai wo terasu tetrad, once again symbolizing a new beginning, a new era, although this time it's a sekai expansion. and because i mentioned sekai wo terasu tetrad, i can now swiftly go to the conclusion of this post:

sekahaji is such a great song, because despite being the first wxs comm, it's foreshadowing the events way up to the third anni and this is not talked about enough. is this still applying to the events after the third anni? nope! not because they cannot be easily altered so they could still fit the lyrics, but because sekahaji has simply fulfilled its purpose already. i haven't studied sekai wo terasu tetrad's lyrics that much in-depth yet and i don't think it has the same 100% lore value that sekahaji has, as i don't think there's anything that hints tetrad being a canon second untitled, but it's the song released by the occasion of a sekai expansion — and if there are going to be future events foreshadowed, then it's going to happen in tetrad. not going to think about it too much for now, as three events (world link not included) isn't enough to say it for sure imo (unless it's going to be as short as the first arc was), but that's definitely a possibility.

that would be all! there's too much of my rambling in here anyways. i haven't really checked it, so i'm sorry if i ended up saying nonsense — after all, as i always say, i'm a overthinker, not an analyst! everything i said here is just my personal interpretation either way. i hope that you at least enjoyed listening to me babbling about sekahaji for way too much words straight!

and i hope that my main goal has been accomplished and you've just went to listen to the world hasn't even started yet because now you, too, have thought about it. right? <3

[chaifootsteps]

there's a post on helluva boss' reddit that's like 'guess what's happening here!' [the shot where Stolas is singing onstage w/Verosika]

random reply roundup of responses, in order of how frustrating they are:

least frustrating -> it's a fakeout where it seems like Stolas is gonna roast Blitzo but instead he sings something sincere. This is the best of all possible worlds, if only Stolas would take some responsibility for what he did. Even this best case scenario is likely to be 'I'm so sad because he hurt me and all I wanted was to love him, poor little princely me :/' and Blitzo somehow falls for this BS

people pointing out roasting Blitzo will not help him/is still scapegoating him -> slightly better, though it still holds back from pointing out Stolas is the one in the wrong here and he doesn't get to complain when Blitzo is justifiably wary or angry at him

more frustrating -> Verosika feels bad for Stolas and wants him to realize how bad Blitzo is. Like yeah it's possible she'll project all the baggage from her relationship onto Stolas, but it doesn't mean that's a good thing to do. She's right that Blitzo treated her poorly, by his own admission with the credit cards thing he did, but her relationship with Blitzo is not the same as Stolas'. Blitzo is not the bad one in this scenario

-> Stolas sings about his heartbreak but doesn't name names. Um, he's singing it in front of a massive 'Blitzo sucks' poster with Blitzo's ex onstage. That excuse really doesn't fly, given how open a secret the 'affair' is it's obvious who he's talking about and Blitzo has every right to be hurt

-> Stolas' song is a 'wakeup call' to Blitzo. Er, wakeup to what? How it's Stolas' world now and he's just living in it, so he better get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness?

-> Blitzo should initiate the apology to show he's grown! I agree Blitzo should initiate the apology...to Verosika. Then he should tell her what happened between him and Stolas so a succubus who likely knows what it's like to have people try to force themselves on her (that No dress in her photo with Blitzo, anyone) can have Tex throw him off stage and get the crowd to egg his royal ass. If anyone needs a public humiliation here it's Stolas, not Blitzo

-> the song is a love ballad but it becomes an excuse for Blitzo & Stolas to roast Verosika who was doing a diss track. Only on the Stolas Show featuring Misogyny and Plotlines Ripped Directly from Fanfics, am I right?

most frustrating -> changing the lyrics to Poison so Stolas is the one singing it about Blitzo. No, I'm not kidding. We've well and truly crossed the DARVO event horizon here

side note, I'd love for these Stolas stans to articulate why they think Stolas has a fair reason to be hurt by Blitzo.

"He lead him on!" Uh, when? Blitzo was coerced into a deal to keep his job and kept up his end of the bargain.

"At Ozzie's!" He wasn't the one who called it a date, Stolas was. Blitzo's reaction at the end of the night make it very clear he thought Stolas wanted sex out of him & he didn't invite Stolas along as a date. He obviously thought he needed to appease Stolas by sleeping with him but he just wasn't emotionally up to it, so he called Stolas out for trying to have it both ways. If Stolas had any self awareness at all he would have learnt something from that.

"Blitzo lead him on by sleeping with him!" They had a one night stand after which Blitzo robbed Stolas, ghosted him and then was repulsed by/turned down his advances multiple times (and extended that attitude to his text responses, too). It's not Blitzo's fault Stolas was living in wilful self-delusion and making an imp responsible for fixing the life he trashed when he very much consented to cheating on his wife

I had to read this backwards so as to retain a little of my faith in humanity. Also, I'd just like to put it in writing now that I'm holding out a miniscule scrap of faith for the first option, because I never learn.

[beautifulblooms]

can i please have a ghost x male reader fic based on bad habit by steve lacy. yeah. yueah. go on. fuck youj. fuck you you son of a fucking bitch,,. PENDEJO. ПИДОР СДОХНИ МАТЬ ТВОЮ ЕБАЛ ДЕДУШКУ НА ХУЮ ВЕРТЕЛ БАБУШКУ В ЖОПУ ЕБАЛ ВСЮ СЕМЬЮ В СТРАТОСФЕРУ ЗАПУСТИЛ СИЛОЙ СВОЕГО ХУЯ УЕБАН ТЫ БЕЗМОЗГЛЫЙ В ДЕТСТВЕ ГВОЗДИ ЗАБИВАЛИ БАШКОЙ ТВОЕЙ ЕБАНОЙ ЧТОБ ТЫ УМЕР

Never Gave Me Time of Day, My Dear - Simon "Ghost" Riley x John "Soap" Mactavish (implied) + Male! Sergeant! Reader

Very important side note about the request itself, everything said was a joke and wasn't genuinely meant as an insult to me. If anyone thinks it's okay to send me threats, insults, or slurs in my inbox that isn't my friend and expresses it as a joke will be blocked immediately

ehehe, I had too much fun with this, it's not super sad but it's just kind of...ouchie, anyways, enjoy more Bad Habit fics, I love making people cry <3

CIS Women and Female Aligned people, please DNI, this story and all of my others are for non-binary, masculine aligned and male readers!

Leaving his room in the barracks, (y/n) wasn’t paying attention to the world around him, too emotionally distraught. Of course, it was stupid of him to fall for his lieutenant, but he couldn’t help it, he was stern on and off the field, but was kind with (y/n), patient, and helpful with him too. Heading straight for one of the training rooms he put in his earbuds and played a random playlist, Bad Habit by Steve Lacy starting to play as he pulled the dummy out of the corner. Getting into a fighting stance (y/n) started to throw hits at the training dummy, the lyrics blasting in his ears as images of Ghost and Soap being cuddled up in the common room flooded his mind. “I wish I knew you wanted me. I wish I knew. I wish I knew you wanted me. I wish I knew. I wish I knew you wanted me. What you, ooh, uh, what you do? Made a move, could've made a move. If I knew I'd be with you, is it too late to pursue?” As the song continued to play, (y/n) could feel tears fill his eyes while things started to piece together in his head. All the times that Ghost would show up late to training and seem more flustered and sloppy during sparring…him leaving the common room the moment Soap would show up and barely even wave at him. 

“I bite my tongue, it's a bad habit. Kinda mad that I didn't take a stab at it, thought you were too good for me, my dear. Never gave me time of day, my dear. It's okay, things happen for reasons that I think are sure, yeah.” The tears gathering in his eyes started to spill as he kept punching and kicking at the dummy, his movements sloppy and fueled by anger and sadness. Was Ghost leading him on, on purpose? Was it a mistake or did the lieutenant mean to play with (y/n)’s heart like that? 

“I wish I knew, I wish I knew you wanted me, I wish I knew, I wish I knew oh, I wish I knew you wanted me. I wish I knew, Yeah, I wish I knew you wanted me, oh. I wish I knew, I wish I knew you wanted me. Please say to me, please, just say to me. If you still want it I wish you wouldn't play with me, I wanna know, I wanna know.” His knuckles were surely bruised and splitting at this point but he couldn’t care less, only needing to get his anger out one way or another…(y/n) didn’t even know if it was anger at himself or anger at Ghost for leading him on.

“Can I bite your tongue like my bad habit? Would you mind if I tried to make a pass at it? No, you're not too good for me, my dear, funny you come back to me, my dear. It's okay, things happen for reasons that I can't ignore, yeah. I wish I knew, I wish I knew you wanted me. I wish I knew, wish I knew, I wish I knew you wanted me, oh.” Ghost stood in the doorway of the training room, hoping to come see (y/n) and train with him, but seeing the sergeant in such a distraught Ghost frowned behind his balaclava and left. He’d never seen (y/n) so…upset, so emotionally driven to go as far as hurting himself to relieve the anger. 

“You can't surprise a Gemini, I wish I knew. I'm everywhere, I'm cross-eyed, and, I wish I knew you wanted me. Now that you're back, I can't decide, I wish I knew. If I decide if you're invited, I wish I knew you wanted me. You always knew the way to wow me. Fuck around, get tongue-tied, and I turn it on, I make it rowdy. Then carry on, but I'm not hidin', You grabbin' me hard 'cause you know what you found. It's biscuits, it's gravy, babe.” (y/n) hadn't even known that Ghost had been in the training room, too focused on getting rid of the sinking feeling of his heart breaking…he really was a fool, a fool for falling in love with someone who was taken…someone he could never have.

[musedisorder]

𝐃𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫?

A collection of my favorite lyrics from The Great Impersonator. Feel free to change as needed! Some of my favorites were too specific for roleplay so I did not add them. Namely from I Believe in Magic and Life of The Spider which are two of my favorite songs.

❛ Do you think they'd laugh at how I died? ❜

❛ I think I'm special 'cause I cut myself wide open as if it's honorable to bleed. ❜

❛ But I'm not lucky and I know I wasn’t chosen. ❜

❛ The world keeps spinnin' without me. ❜

❛ I wake up tired, think I'm better off dead. ❜

❛ I'm nervous what you'll think of me now. ❜

❛ I'm hoping that someone comes around and helps me figure it out. ❜

❛ I'm all grown up but somehow lately I'm acting like a fucking baby. ❜

❛ I'm really not as happy as I seem. ❜

❛ I'm still a little kid that can't make friends. ❜

❛ I wanna be invited, but I won't attend. ❜

❛ I wanna be cool, I don't wanna be pretty. ❜

❛ Nothing's as it seems. ❜

❛ I don't like the lie I'm living. ❜

❛ I'm way too nice and too forgiving. ❜

❛ It's all done now, who am I kidding? ❜

❛ I'm doing way worse than I'm admitting. ❜

❛ I'm really not that happy being me. ❜

❛ I'm trying to be positive. But oh, it's really hard. ❜

❛ I'm a loner, I'm a loser. ❜

❛ I'm on a real short leash, but I like it tight. ❜

❛ You know a mercy kill is what I seek. ❜

❛ I didn't ask to live, but dying's up to me. ❜

❛ Well, they say all dogs go to Heaven. Well, what about a bitch What about an evil girl left lying in a ditch? ❜

❛ Tell the three people who asked that I am in a better place. ❜

❛ 'Cause I'm not old, but I am tired. ❜

❛ I'm not strong, I'm very weak. ❜

❛ I have seen enough! I've seen it all! ❜

❛ I don't wanna hurt so get it over with quick. ❜

❛ Please, God, I wanna be loved. ❜

❛ I don't wanna be somebody that they wanna get rid of. ❜

❛ Every time you lean in closer, both my knees can't help but shake.❜

❛ I think you're a danger to my health, or so it seems. ❜

❛ Is it love or a panic attack? ❜

❛ Is a heavy heart too much to hold? ❜

❛ Because you make me fucking nervous and I don't know what it all means. ❜

❛ My spirit has been broken. ❜

❛ My optimism's getting sore. ❜

❛ I don't know if I can see you anymore. ❜

❛ I don't like to complain, but I'm saying sorry. ❜

❛ When I met you, I thought I was damaged goods. ❜

❛ If you knew it was the end of the world, would you like to stay a while? ❜

❛ Would you leave when it gets hard? ❜

❛ When I met you, I said I would never die. ❜

❛ The joke was always mine 'cause I'm racing against time. ❜

❛ Nothing good is free, but oh, it should be. ❜

❛ I still believe in Heaven, if they'll never let me in. ❜

❛ I think I might start tryin' because I haven't been. ❜

❛ Could all just be an answer to thosе prayers that came delayed? ❜

❛ Please, God, I don't wanna be sick. ❜

❛ I don't wanna be somebody that you're tryna get rid of. ❜

❛ There ain't a reason on this earth I'd go back to my hometown. ❜

❛ You know, I never felt like anyone, I was a paradoxal lie. ❜

❛ I didn't think that I was special, but I was too afraid to die. ❜

❛ I was trying to love you through an open wound 'cause everything I put inside there just fell right through. ❜

❛ If you only knew how bad it hurt me too. ❜

❛ You can rest your head down and not feel any shame. ❜

❛ I never loved you in vain. ❜

❛ You never listen and I'm terrible too. ❜

❛ If you stopped, I would've kissed you. ❜

❛ I almost thought I heard you call my name. ❜

❛ They say that God makes no mistakes, but I might disagree. ❜

❛ You all know something that I don't. ❜

Well, I was born all by myself It's not unlikely that I'll die that way as well. ❜

❛ I always knew I was a martyr. ❜

❛ I was built from special pieces that I learned how to unscrew. ❜

❛ I can always reassemble to fit perfectly for you. ❜

❛ So where do I go in the process when I'm just an apparatus? ❜

❛ I'm reduced to just a body here in someone else's bed. ❜

❛ When you're done, you can discard me like the others always do. ❜

❛ Your human starter kit came incomplete. ❜

❛ Fool me twice, the shame is on me. ❜

❛ Am I a victim in your game? ❜

❛ Can I take the blame for everything you hate? ❜

❛ The punishment and crime are not the same. ❜

❛ Somebody will love me for the way that I'm designed. ❜

❛ You smothered out the glow I grew for you, but it was mine too. ❜

❛ Have you ever been broken and thrown down? ❜

❛ Have you ever given the world to somebody as a gift and had it returned? ❜

❛ Did you know the father's DNA stays inside the mother for seven years? ❜

❛ Have you ever woken from a dream just to realize that you're still asleep? ❜

❛ Do you ever wish you were still asleep? ❜

❛ Do you ever wish you wouldn't wake up? ❜

I'm only small, I'm only weak.

❛ God, how could I even think of daring to exist? Looking just like this, I'm hideous.

❛ I worked real hard on the last one but the last one got me here. ❜

❛ I'm minding my own business but my presence makes you curse. ❜

❛ I should be getting better but I'm only getting worse. ❜

❛ And, God, how dare I even think of choosing here to die? 'Cause then, I'm just a problem that you have to take outside. ❜

❛ I know you hate the sight of me, I haunt you when you're fast asleep. ❜

❛ If only I had eight more lives. ❜

❛ You don't like it when I cry. ❜

❛ You would break me if you tried. And you will because I dared to be alive. ❜

❛ I'll never be like him. ❜

❛ You know my father isn't dead, but it don't feel like he's still here. ❜

❛ And my eyes tell me that he's harmless despite what my heart has to say. ❜

❛ So maybe just forget. Maybe move on, don't regret. ❜

❛ Or maybe this is just another trick that hasn't happened yet. ❜

❛ I thought that it was my fault and now sometimes I still do. ❜

❛ I can't bear to fake a smile when you walk into the room. ❜

❛ Everybody, get in line to meet the girl who flew too high. ❜

❛ Did it all to be included, my self-loathing so deep-rooted. ❜

❛ When I die, I won't have time to spend my money. ❜

❛ But I hope that you still love me. ❜

❛ A problem child, I was rough. But what do you do with a difficult grownup? ❜

❛ I thought I changed so much, nobody would notice it, and no one did. ❜

❛ I told everybody I was fine for a whole damn year. ❜

❛ Please, God, or whoever you are. ❜

❛ These days I get less calls 'cause no one wants to hear my voice. ❜

❛ I miss the days when I was gettin' texts that I could just avoid. ❜

❛ I don't ever wanna leave him, but I don't think it's my choice. ❜

❛ I don't think my pleas are heard because I'm screaming in the void. ❜

❛ Please, God, oh, you've gotta be sick. ❜

❛ Why do you make it hurt, and why's it over so quick? ❜

❛ Please, God, I'm finally loved. I finally found somebody I don't wanna get rid of. ❜

❛ You took a little while to respond to my prayer. ❜

❛ Please, God, no, this doesn't seem fair. ❜

❛ I'm tryin' not to show it, but I'm terribly scared. ❜

❛ They don't know I'm lonely. ❜

❛ They don't know I'm kind. ❜

❛ Does a story die with its narrator? ❜

❛ This is a cry for help, callin' for assistance. ❜

❛ What happened to the girl I knew? ❜

❛ I think I've been awake for days but it's so much fun. ❜

❛ I took another dose but I don't think it's micro. ❜

❛ Can't you see that I'm an imposter? ❜

❛ Where's the fun in doing well? ❜

❛ The good girls never kiss and tell. ❜

❛ I don't belong here, how 'bout you? ❜

❛ I still get punished for good deeds. ❜

[fictitious-obsession]

Can you please do headcanons for Percy with an autistic s/o?If you're not autistic like me,i'd be totally cool with dms asking for advice!!

Hello @supermansbisexualson

AAAA I am so excited to have you as my first request. Thank you for answering any and all questions I had along the way. I hope these came out alright. I have not written anything like this and am really excited (and VERY nervous) about it. Again, thank you for your patience with me. So please enjoy! I hope you like it!

<3 - Anya

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Percy Jackson with an Autistic Gender-Neutral S/O headcanons

Percy tries to be very observant of you and wants to know you better each day

He loves when you start ranting about the latest book you read and tries not to feel jealous about your passion for your favorite character (but do not be surprised if he asks if you like them more)

When he asks you about something you’re interested in, he never feels or looks annoyed when you go into detail

If you are very into a game or show, he dedicates hours to sit and enjoy it with you

He occasionally gets you things based on your interests like merch and things that remind him of it

If you like a certain band/musical, he would surprise you with tickets. He would also have you show him all the songs and learn the lyrics

He knows your absolute favorite foods and snacks and no matter how much it costs, he will surprise you with it

When doing camp activities, Percy tries to keep around you, loving your presence

On days that you don’t really feel like talking, he cracks little jokes to see you smile

During camp activities, if someone goes off on you for doing poorly, he comes up and puts them in their place.  He would offer you his hand, not wanting to just grab it from you

If you ever get overwhelmed or have a meltdown, he is there to comfort you every step of the way, He will be extremely patient and understanding, even telling other campers to relax and not treating it as weird

When it comes to cues, Percy misses them too, so he never makes you feel awkward about them

He opens up about being awkward in conversation and reassures you that you are doing fine when talking

He also helps flow conversations with others if there is miscommunication

He doesn’t want to speak for you but helps bring you out of your shell at times

If you don’t feel like talking, that’s fine by him!  He will continue to talk and mess around with you, nods and smiles are enough for him

Percy tends to order out for date nights and have you both eat in different places throughout camp

He’d take you to the lake or the strawberry fields to just sit, eat, and talk about anything and everything.  Maybe do some star-gazing if you feel like it

Tends to be protective of you and sticks around you when he can

He definitely has pet names for you and wears any you give him with pride

He loves to play video games with you

If you get injured and he sees, he may exaggerate a bit, but do his best to take of you

“Y/N, you’ve got to be more careful…”

When you want cuddles, he’s there, but if you are sensitive and need space, he so willingly gives it

Meltdowns in bed mean cuddles, comfort, and absolute patience from Percy, he loves you and you will see that a lot in difficult moments for you

If you ever reacted badly due to hyper-sensitive sensory, he makes sure to avoid those materials for you (even ordering a special camp T-shirt of a different fabric just for you)

He would get you and him matching stress/sensory toys (his would be blue OBVIOUSLY, you get your favorite color)

He tends to be very sweet and thoughtful, but flusters and blushes when you point it out to him

He’d tell you stories all the time to help you sleep if you were anxious or antsy

[strangelittlestories]

When Mila and the Prince went looking for a place to hide, what they found was the village of Grave.

This little hamlet sat apart from the larger, more industrial cities of Chorus. It did not pulse with percussion like the factories of Marching. It did not resonate to the hum of the Hymn-Furnace like the palace of Solo.

Instead, each hearth had its own songs and tunes that floated on the breeze and could not be pinned down to any regular schedule, or even a common key. It was a place of melody and counter-melody and counter-counter-melody, with lyrics ranging from recipe tips to weather predictions to the latest resurfacing of generational grievances.

Too many songs, too improvisational and fluctuating, for any one songbook or choir leader to keep track of.

But there was one woman who seemed to remember them all. Oh, not all at once or in their entirety - but if you asked Cadence for some obscure piece of village history, she would sing you a bar from two generations back. It might not answer your question, exactly, but it would be interesting.

After asking around for lodging, the Prince and Mila were promptly directed to Cadence.

"So Cadence has rooms to let, then?" asked the Prince, earnestly. "If she runs an inn or lodging house, we can certainly pay our way."

"Oh don't you worry about that." came the reply. "Just you speak to Cadence and she'll be sure to work out what you want and what you need."

To call the conversation that followed an interrogation would be inaccurate. It was a much gentler and more thoughtful exchange than that, all conducted over a pot of tea and a plate of wonky biscuits. Nonetheless, it left Mila and the Prince feeling somewhat ... wrung out.

At the end of the chat, with the Prince beginning to wilt under a gaze that read every note and quaver of him, Mila asked the woman flat out:

"Miss Cadence. Thank you for your hospitality and all, but ... what is it you are trying to get from us? I'd rather you say it outright, than wring it out like the last drops from your tea leaves."

"It's funny." said Cadence, smiling, "The people in this village like to joke that I'm this place's memory. I'm not the oldest one here. No, not my anymeans. But I listen, and I hear, and that's rarer than you might think. And when you listen well enough, a couple of things happen. First is that the music of a place sinks in, it thumps in your heart, chimes in your bones, wobbles your marrow. Eventually, you find you know even the tunes that haven't been sung out loud in generations - because all the ones we sing today, they've got their roots in the older ones. Every song that's sung implies the one before it; so I remember. Because I listen for the roots.

"The second thing is this: when you listen that well and that far back, you start to get an ear not just for the notes that *are* sung, but for the ones that aren't too. And I reckon, and I don't put any blame on you two for this mind, that there's a reason you've come here that you're too affrighted to tell me. So that's what I want from you, lovelies. I'd like very much if you sang the song that's in that scared silence for me."

The prince and Mila looked at one another. Mila nodded.

"People are looking for us." the Prince gulped, "It's, uh, it's possible that they shall follow and find us here. And if they do, be assured, we will flee. But, well, I suppose we cannot be certain that they will not wreak some harm here in the searching."

At this, Cadence sat back and took a deep breath. She began to hum, softly, under her breath.

"Well, I do say as that I thank you for your honesty. Eventual, though it may have been. And I dare say that should anyone come ferreting about for you two nice young folks, meaning you ill, that they will surely not enjoy what they uncover in the village of Grave."

Her hum grew a little louder and the air around her began to gently shake. The song resonated through Mila and the Prince. It was not like the bone-rumbling and heart-scorching feeling of the Engine-Song they were used to. Instead, it was like there was a morning mist in their lungs just beginning to burn up under the touch of morning sunlight.

And from Cadence's teacup, a shoot of fresh living tealeaf began to grow and turn towards the prince and Mila as if it were smiling...

---

With thanks to a Ko-Fi patron for the prompt of Cadence, the witch who is fierce, passionate and kind.

To become a member and suggest characters of your own, please check out https://ko-fi.com/strangelittlestories

[takemetomyfragiledreams]

Some background on Bruce and Tim's relationship in searching faces and the songs that helped develop/inspire it part 1:

I'm a very playlist oriented person when it comes to the creation process so I figured I'd share some of the story behind the songs of the searching faces playlists. While all the songs have inspired in some way or other, some stand out almost word for word.

You think you know what's best for me/ Self-righteous hypocrite/ I won't go along with it

You told me I was broken/ That I never even stood a chance/ And I don't wanna hurt you/ But I'm gonna fight to keep the upper hand

You see the world in black and white/ I've never been that way/ I live in the shades of gray

I'm scared of what you'd sacrifice/ If you thought you needed to/ Rather than bend the rules/ Would I just be/ A casualty?

You'd rather clip my wings/ Than ever let me fly/ It might be safer on the ground/ But baby I was meant to be up in the sky

The lyrics themselves are pretty self explanatory for those that have read searching faces. Bruce likes to control things and emotions in particular are uncontrollable in ways he doesn't know how to handle. It's why he clashes with Dick and Jason so much, as they're both very passionate and open people. He gets along much better with Damian and Tim because they approach emotions similar to how he does, due to their upbringings (and his influence.)

Part of why he does so poorly with Tim after he's rescued is because he doesn't know how to deal with a Tim Drake, a Red Robin, that doesn't have his emotions locked down. He's never seen Tim with all his walls down and he does horribly when it comes to handling the soft bits of Tim that are no longer shielded and so obviously broken.

In his mind, this is all due to Junior. This isn't actually Tim. The Tim he knows is always in control and he will get him back, even if it means locking him up and whittling away at Junior's psyche. He's relying on the idea that Tim will be better when Junior is gone. Bruce will accept nothing less because admitting that things are different means that he's wrong, that he never knew Tim at all, that he failed again and he can't face that.

(To be clear: this is an explanation, not an excuse)

On Tim's side of things, much like how Jason's showdown with the Joker went, he knows deep down that if Bruce had been the one with a gun put in his hand, staring down Red Robin helpless and bound and with no alternative other than a mad man pulling the trigger himself, he would've done nothing. Another dead Robin was better than breaking his rules, right? The proof was in the scar slashed across Jason's throat.