#and it just decides to up and die today
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My tablet definitely heard my conversations with my friends because why the hell did the pen die today right as I’m about to get up and draw…
Guess we’re going back to good ol’ cavemen traditional methods for the next few days until my new iPad comes in 😀 sigh
#random thoughts#it’s been fine since I first got it#and it just decides to up and die today#granted it’s been five years#yes I tried changing batteries#yes I tried reconnecting Bluetooth#no it refused to work#fly high
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literally the mere thought of having to draw his old design was enough for me to finish 9 other drawings ive been avoiding for 2 years... and i ended up completely overhauling his design cause i just did not want to draw him that badly lol
#t talks#my art#my ocs#character design#original character#see if you dont want to draw your own character. that bad!#and you should change them. so you want to draw them 1 billion times :)#also sidenote. if i look at my old art for even 3 seconds. i will die#also sorry for posting the same drawing over n over again today#i was just so unhappy with his design for so long now. n even more unhappy cause i couldnt avoid drawing him anymore#and redesigns usually take like 100 tries before i become even slightly happy#so the fact i decided to redesign him today And got a design i loved on the first try??? im big happy bruh#but also if i have to look at that old drawing one more time im going to throw up
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act 1 solasmancer arc is sooooooo much sexier when headcanoning that they had their first kiss during the redcliffe nightmare future scenario. solas immediately dies and then lavellan returns to the present unable to be normal about him forever <3
#oc: ashara#i dont have the brain power to articulate my point today but#im going to be extremely controversial and say i hc this is the only time (in ashara's worldstate at least)#where he initiates the kiss. bc i think its genuinely a prideful move lol. he sees his own history in the inquisitors dilemma#so he offers them what he would want. reassurance. comfort. lol !#i dont even think he cared much about her (ashara) in act 1 OR the redcliffe future scenario#it was just an impulsive move he could justify bc he knew he was dead immediately after. and also ''past me's problem now'' lmao#anyway. ashara has never had anyone straight up DIE for her before so it REALLY expedites the falling-in-love process#despite him having no awareness of what occured in redcliffe lol.#and then when she thinks shes not making it out of haven during iyhsb she does also think abt kissing him like he did in redcliffe#but decides against it at the last second. because i <3 pain :)
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im so stressed
#i have a 1000 word assignment due thurs and i sent my professor an email with questions a week ago and she still hasnt responded#despite me reminding abt it earlier today#and then sending a follow up email a little while ago#and i kinda need my question answered before i can really start#and she never responded to our discussion post she had us do where she had us plan our idea#like she said she would tell us whether we could actually use our ideas or not#and my physics lab partners are stressing me out abt our lab report that i already did last week and dont have the energy to go back to#and i have to catch up on my psych lectures#and my brain has just decided to make me extra anxious lately#i want to die
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07.25.2023
Today, Romano rose from the grave. He is now trying to figure out what's happening in this world.
#today's romano#hetalia#aph romano#first post#hws romano#liz#i let this blog die in 2019 lol#i wasnt feeling it in life#or the blog#and ended up on reddit which was fun for a while#took up cross stitching#I'm now working on my phd#but like i quit reddit recently (when rif died rip)#and decided to come back to tumblr#and might revive this if hetalia is still a think people like#idk sorta fell out for a bit#if anyone still exsists in this lmk whats up#any good content for me?#or just say hi lol#07.26.2023#back from the dead#first post back
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so sad that i missed the livestream today, but i'm unfortunately still sick and my body just gave up when i woke up at 5:30.
#sometimes you just have to choose sleep#and no i don't feel any better but at least i'm not extremely exhausted#i still have to go to work so i decided that maybe it's not a good idea to do this today#i don't have work tomorrow tho so i may try to get up cause i can always take a nap after the livestream#idk#my coworker said she thinks i have covid lmao i hope not#in all seriousness#i feel like shit and i want to die#and yes i'm still going to work#also good morning#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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day one completely ouo)b✨ i can already see im about to learn a bunch but it helps that everyones pretty nice and helpful ! and i did a lot more than i was expecting bc i decided to push myself a bit more so WOOHOO FOR BEING COURAGEOUS
#snow speaks#work log#its so funny bc at first i was like 'omg this is gonan be the worst place ever im gonna die doing this'#but actually. ok i can do this#i think majority of it was just being discouraged the past several months so#admittedly i ammmmm very rusty on material BUT at least i have a good basis#do i treat myself? no lmao#i thought id just play observer today but eheh decided yknow what its better to just dunk yourself in than teeter so >:3#anyways so bc everyone was confused what to do w me they just let me go home and now i get to study adslfjh#its a transition phase once i get back into the feel then ill be chill and cruising B)#ill stop logging when i start getting busier im just trying to hype myself up LOL
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80s/90s kids' cartoons be like:
-The Leader
-The Jokester
-The Muscle
-The Brains
-And The Girl
#rhys-ravenfeather signing off#funnily enough the cartoon in particular i was thinking of earlier today when i thought of this was a more modern one#*coughPAWPATROLcough*#but yeah real talk--i know the smurfette principle thankfully has started to die out more in recent years#and THANK GOD for that because i absolutely HATED this trope as a kid -___-#and yes that is pretty much the main reason i decided to have benny as the only boy among the kid characters in oto#and yes i also know there were other characters like sailor moon that reversed the dynamic#but it still really irked me when i'd watch a cartoon with a team that was mostly made up of boys and just ONE girl#and her entire character was just 'girl'#the only real exception i can think of off the top of my head is rescue rangers--gadget WAS the only girl on the team#but she was the inventor instead of just 'the girl'#welp i went off on a tangent about something that's probably pretty unimportant in the long run heh#back to my usual blogging
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Bad day. Horrible awful terrible bad day
#there’s not even a reason. nothing bad has actually happened#it just FUCKING SUCKS#I want to walk into a lake and never come back#I want to take my brain out of my skull and throw it at a wall and watch it splatter#I know today sucks because I’m so tense and upset that my back HURTS so fucking bad#cuz when this happens I tense up and my back muscles decide to coil around my spine and squeeze like a starving snake#it’s spreading through my shoulders and even to my chest which is a first#I just 😭😭😭 I want to go home except home also sucks cuz roommate#and I know he’ll be out in a few days but that feels like forever#and I’m so tired and I’m so upset and I want to curl up in a ball and cry and hide from the world#but I’m working a 7 day stretch at my job#and I have to transfer the power and internet to my name sometime before Wednesday#and I’m so sick of takeout the idea of eating it makes me want to vomit but I can’t physically bring myself to cook while they’re there#and I just. ugh. UGH#I’m so sick of existing#why does my life only allow me small handfuls of months at a time#where I’m not living in some form of disaster and stressed to all hell and back and just wanting to lay down and die#what did I do so wrong. what have I done to deserve all this shit#in my short terrible miserable fucking life#whatever I’ll just go home and stare at the wall#and then go to bed and come to work and come to work and come to work there’s always going to work#I’m going to fucking scream I hate my brain#why can’t it just regulate itself in a normal way cuz that’s the thing I know I’m being insane and nothing is actually this bad#but man if it doesn’t fucking feel that way#and being aware I’m being batshit really doesn’t make it better actually I think it makes it worse#kaz rambles
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While I may not be allowing myself to post spiraling upwards spoilers, I see no issue with posting art of a bunch of folks who are dead before the story starts and one Conetalon who isn't
#keese draws#warrior cats#warrior cats oc#spiraling upwards#these are all the og leaders and deputies of each of the 4 main clans!#and cone is the only of the og deputies who didn’t die before their leader lol#also two of these are mother daughter duos with bonestar being conetalons mom and bristlestar being gullspots mom#gullspots died during a horrible flood in their old camp#and this was pretty early on in the clan’s life too so no one else was rly qualified to be deputy#she ended up choosing honeyfeather as her new deputy which honey did. not take well.#she had be among the injured in the flood and had just lost her tail along with her best friend#so she was not in a place to be deputy at All#and things would only get worse for her when bristle died only a few months later of old age#because of this she has. complicated feelings on bristle to put it lightly.#frostflow died from an infected wound after a nasty fall which left pretty much the entire clan devastated#foggystar didn’t want to force anyone who was grieving to become deputy so he decided on a cat who had only been a part of the clan for#about a year after his old owners died in a house fire#his name was daisy and he’s one of my favorites and currently he’s the youngest of the four leaders#pigeon died via snake bite which is ironic for reasons I won’t go into now but everyone was devastated blah blah blah but really this did#fuck up most of the older members of the clan a lot as pigeon played such a vital role in them all being alive here today#ratstar ended up choosing her other crush (more complicated edition) as her new deputy since she was the right hand man to the cat who#started the revolution that brought them all together but abt a year later it became clear to both of them that nightfur wasn’t able to#handle the pressure of this anymore so she retired#after that ratstar just tried to pick the most responsible looking cat and she kind of succeeded#I say kind of because she Was but then 3 of her children got murdered and her best friend died right before ratstar dropped dead#so now she’s barely holding things together and has some newfound anger issues#and then my girl conestar just got to hang out and become leader when her mom died lucky her#well no she was absolutely devisated when her mom died as bonestar was like the number one cat she cared abt#she had been terrified of losing her mom for good for years so even though she could tell her mom was getting old and was able to talk to#her directly about these fears she still had a hard time moving forwards
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What if I made an in-character sideblog. Of like some second age (gods still around) disaster. Because I am so bad at posting worldbuilding stuff but I know I could do that. Do some art for it. What then. Would anyone be interested because I can 100% do that. (Will possibly just do it anyway because Why Not).
#what do I even tag this as#world building#yeah sure why not#would take a bit to set up because woo character design and development#and would have to decide on what direction to go with it#like could do proper second age and just#‘went out today. accidentally made eye contact with a god. thought I was gonna die. didn’t. went back home.’#/hj#OR end of second age watching gods slowly deteriorate and then wwWWWHAT THE FFFFUCK WHAT IS THIS (magic moment)#I just think it would be. neat. and an actual way for me to ramble about in universe stuff#and I can explain stuff on here#hm#thoughts innit
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.......... yaknow, i don’t bring it up enough here but
merfolk are kind of, instinctually, extreme pacifists.
they will avoid physical conflict as much as possible and have an exceedingly high tolerance that makes them slow to show even small signs of anger, and will avoid fighting far beyond the point that any other species would have started swinging. their problem-solving is highly encouraged to be done socially (which is kind of part of why they get labelled as Easy To Sleep With, fucking someone is an easy solution to a quarrel and one that gets encouraged) and to be done within their social systems.
and this is all BECAUSE merfolk are such studded-out apex predators.
there was a point in their evolution where they ended up in a sort of evolutionary arms race against themselves, and there was a lot of existing evolutionary focus on them being deadly predators to large megafauna that hunt together in groups, and the issue that appears when you have all of this going on, is that you totally eliminate any “safe” options for fighting. any fight between merfolk is likely to be lethal to BOTH parties, and to get their social groups and communities involved, and soon it’s spiraled into a MUCH larger issue with a MUCH higher body count. merfolk have big teeth and claws and armored scales and the only thing that’s really especially good at getting past those armored scales is another merfolk, so if they ever use said teeth and claws on another merfolk and mean it, it’s not going to be a small injury. even moreso because then they’ve likewise placed themselves at the mercy of someone else who is just as capable of doing the same damage to them.
merfolk have stories that are shared in their cultures that act as a warning against undue violence, and the only outright aggression that’s okay to show is in defense of their relationships and social structure. sure, pups are absolutely encouraged to wrestle and to play with each other, and even adult merfolk have a huge drive for play, but all of this is in service of teaching them how to control their bodies and how they use their bodies, and providing an outlet for aggression that ISN’T violent in nature in order to keep the peace (alongside more traditional, keeping their senses sharp for hunting and swimming and other mundane activities).
unfortunately, it also tends to slant the statistics in a certain way - merfolk will instinctually look at one person who is picking a fight, with another individual or with a larger group of merfolk, and have a bias towards seeing that one person as the one in the wrong, regardless of the reason why. similarly, they will see a group enacting violence, and have a bias towards seeing that as justified, regardless of the reason why.
this is a major reason behind the conduct of the merkingdom - keep the peace and focus on aggression via diplomacy and other forms of “soft” power to force opposing powers to surrender to them. because they were ambush predators too, there’s an existing idea that the leadup to the violence should be long and they should do everything they can to stack the deck in their favor, with the violence itself being brief and sudden and completely overwhelming. miranda’s merfolk name (and her birth/real name) actually references this, as she’s named for the ideal of “a war won in a single move”, or another overwhelming success that entirely destroys an enemy.
if the land knew more about the merkingdom and were more familiar with their tactics and politics, they would FAR moreso associate the merkingdom with plots and backstabbing and under-the-table deals than anything, because the merkingdom doesn’t necessarily value an “honorable” war in the same way, since ALL violence is both inherently unhonorable and only justified by the fact that it was done to protect or further a group. doing everything they can to sabotauge and ruin and play the social game better is just par for the course for merkingdom politics, part of the accepted course of action that they’ll all follow. it’s effectively the same as the small-town gossip scene, just on a much, much larger scale.
of course, miranda’s temperament is.... a little different. mostly because of the social climate that exists between royals and her trauma and the expectations there are for how royals are to behave — miranda is a LOT more.... fighty and bitey than your average merfolk, and this increased aggression would be VERY obvious if you placed her next to a non-royal merfolk. however, it can actually be rather hard for landfolk to pick up on this, because again - most of it presents socially. miranda is far more likely to come off as mean and rude and bitchy before she’s seen as having anger issues, and it’s because merfolk standards are so different from landfolk standards. even miranda defaulting to having her guards take care of violence for her isn’t unusual - again, leveraging group violence as a justification for what she does. royals in general are far more likely to intimate, bully, torment, and abuse than they are to start actively picking fights, and they are still very much at the far end of the merfolk aggression scale.
ironically, miranda occupies a similar place to aaravi within merfolk culture, but no one besides her knows anything about merfolk culture, so everyone else misses this.
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#the giant hypercarnivore apex predator Absolutely Does Not Want To Hurt You#which i think is fun#because to merfolk smiling or tensing the lips at all is an aggressive gesture#and someone will end up smiling at a merfolk#and said merfolk will decide 'hmm! don't want to die today and not over this!' and just panic and LEAVE#this is also why mer fights are TERRIFYING to watch#because its two people who have accepted their painful death if it means getting to take the other person down with them#and those teeth and claws and jaws do NOT fuck around#monster prom
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shadow and bone netflix killing off david before he got to marry genya and be part of the triumvirate is my villain origin story
#finally finished sab2#hello???? what the fuck????#i was like it can't be already but apparently so???#at first i thought if there's no body i refuse to believe he's already dead#but the more i think about it the more it doesn't make sense that he's nowhere to be found after the darkling died#are you fucking serious?? isn't it bad enough that he has to die and now they just decided to speed up the thing?#it's already bad enough that they changed so much of the story but i draw the line at killing david so soon#i really hope they surprise me and he's somehow still alive but honestly the bar is on the floor at this point#anyway. sorry for the rant and negativity i know there's also many other things to focus on but#they REALLY didn't have to#there was literally no reason for them to do that#shadow and bone#david kostyk#grishaverse#jess.txt#this entry is really like dear diary today a bitch tested me#also if they pull something like this with matthias too i swear to god
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WE DID IT
#('did it' meaning survived a very easy day with nothing bad but my brain decided it was the hardest day ever and wanted to cry since 8am)#AAAHHH#gonna take a minute to just. disintegrate.#then i shall pick myself up - have some instant noodle - and chill 😤#i really wanted to finish my next few drabbles but i might die if i try to use my brain any more asdfdsh#i am trying to be kind to myself - instead of judge my brain for making today insanely painful for no apparent reason i will reward it for#making it through 👏😤#rose rambles
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I bought myself a little treat.....
#for copium !!!#imagine youre me#you sit down in class and you look at your phone(which is also a wallet)#you realize in horror at that moment that you lost your student ID . drivers license. and medical benefits card#you run out of class retracing your steps but you cant find anything so you return to class and decide to just attend bc ur there#you sit thru 1 hr 20 mins of lecture and you slowly realize this was a bad idea because every second youre in class#you could be searching for your cards and you are about to have an anxiety attack#time is up and you leave and you eventually go to the lost and found and they give you 2 cards#you have your 2 IDs but not your medical one. you have a doctors appointment this friday btw#you spend the next 2 hrs running across your uni campus 5 times in 80 degree weather. your feet also hurt bc you injured it over the weekend#you are forced to give up and attend your last class#it is 4:50 pm. you have eaten nothing all day and you have very little water left. its warm. and you have to walk another 30 mins home#you have resigned to having to call social services later to get a replacement card. which sucks bc you talked to like 5 strangers today#and you have social anxiety and also everything sucks and you are about to keep over and die#anyway i got tea and bought myself 2 macarons <3
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self isolation as a form of self preservation is going to end up killing me someday
#im already a fucking adult if i dont do something about this shit im gonna be lonely as hell#i just wish i had made friends at college like everyone else#instead of the poor choices of friends i made when i got in for the wrong ideas i had about the type of person i wanted to be#i simply ended up with no friends at the worst place to make friends#imagine me having 8 different classes each semester. each class had about 60 different students#each subject had at least 4 different teachers teaching that so you could choose when and who to take that class with#850 new students each year it was rare to end up on the same class as someone twice#unless you were already friends before and decide to take the classes together#most of my classes didnt have group projects either. no dynamic stuff just reading and reading and reading#it. was. HELL#i actually had like 3 people i could call my friends there but our classes never matched#and im not an easily approachable person i wanted to DIE when i made a friend there that told me she was scared to talk to me before#how many possible friendships i lose all the time for seeming unnaproachable?? for my fucking face bro i cant do shit about it#today my best friend from work also told me that when she first met me she thought i was cold and arrogant#but that i also seemed cool so she was like ok lets give her a chance#i keep fucking hearing it all the fucking time i have MANY friendships that started just like this. people judging me at first#this is so sad and lonely to me i dont wanna be this person#one time a friend also said something like im glad im already your friend id be scared of you if i didnt know you#like????? scared of WHAT. i never treat people badly. i dont fight i dont do gossip i dont do anything to hurt anyone#im always trying to get people together and have fun i always talk to everyone im always nice to everyone#im always trying#so why the hell people still think im unnaproachable#i dont get it i've been hearing this from FRIENDS my whole life. not from people who dont like me its people who LIKE me that say this#what the hell am i doing wrong besides being born with my fucking face#and then. above all. to make it all worse. i self isolate bc im scared of rejection. man i fucking hate being me#i really dont wanna be lonely
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