#and it hurts that they dont view me as nonbinary and see me as a girl

[wings-of-angels]

.

[genderqueerdykes]

Hi. Here's a lot of words that y'all don't have to read and I have a question that y'all don't have to answer. I think you all make a lot of great points. I'm sorry if this is on the blog already.

I think I might be what you call an egg. I just try not to think about it. I'm going through a lot of stuff right now that needs processing and I can get to the gender thing when I can get to the gender thing. That said, I'm trying to let myself exist in queer spaces and it feels like everyday women are bashing men without batting an eye. Actually, that's happening not just in queer spaces. Nobody says anything except to agree. Even people that I've known for a while and know that I'm married to a cis man whom I love and respect (and who actually got me interested in feminism). I told one friend that I was uncomfortable by her comments and she flipped it around, pouted exasperatedly, and said, "I thought you were a safe space!" I didn't know that there was a safe space for sexism!

What the fuck do I say to people? I'm autistic and have an extreme sense of justice and can't just let things go but I want to be at least somewhat respectful-sounding because when you yell at people they shut down and think you're wrong/the problem. I also don't want to talk their ears off/write paragraphs like this. 😬

🌀

jesus, i'm so sorry people are treating you like that. it really hurts my head to see people do this. you don't deserve that kind of behavior, you're not a shitty person for trying to figure out your gender. you're not shitty for being happily married to a cis man. i have so many words so i hope i won't give you a reply that's too long to parse

no matter what people's beliefs are, everyone is reinforcing that women need to hate men. like you're right it's just everywhere. not just queer communities. it's weird. it's like, i get it, the way we force men to act is absurd. we need to focus on helping men snap out of the shitty things we force them to do and support them in growing and changing. also like i don't get how people dont see how terrible it is to openly admit that they see trans men, queer men, gay men, bi men, disabled men, men of color, intersex men, multigender men, and so on. there are so many groups of men affected by this i dont get why people don't care

this "safe space" thing has gotten abused to hell and back. it's out of control, now it's being used as a gatekeeping tool. it's weird to me but people are defining things like this:

general lgbt/queer communities = women's safe space

lesbian community = women's safe space

nonbinary community = women's safe space

butch, gender non conforming, genderqueer community = women's safe space

genderfluid, bigender, multigender communities = women's safe space

bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, & polyamorous communities: women's safe space

like it's gotten way out of control. people think that every experience that doesn't outright say man is a women's safe space. and even then, we see entitlement there in the transmasculine and trans man communities as well. the thing is is like. these are intended to be communities. not safe spaces. like

women's groups exist. there are groups dedicated to providing safe spaces for just women, irl. a lot of the time they're based out of crisis and sexual assault survivor clinics, but there's also ones for homeless women, and so on. like i honestly guarantee you that if you googled "women's safe space" you'd find some local, brick and mortar places designed to be there for women and only women. like. those. exist.

we don't have to turn the entirety of queerness into a women's safe space. i feel like women who have been hurt by men are running to the wrong place a lot of the time. or they expect every other queer person to have the same trauma as them. like i think people in general are very queerphobic and assume that most queer people are women, for some reason?

i don't know why people view this as the "running away from men club". that's how terfs define the lesbian community. if you want to show people why this is dogshit, it's because that's literally how terfs define lesbianism. that's how rad fems define lesbianism. the "we hate men, we never want to be around men ever again, men are inherently dangerous" club is the lesbian separatism club.

people often say "why is there a lot of talk of lesbian supremacy lately?"

it's because so many people got indoctrinated into rad feminism without ever realizing it. queer communities are not the "we hate men" communities. those are rad fem communities.

so many queer spaces need to involve men, because men are very important in so many queer experiences. erasing their experiences and denying them the right to be in those spaces isn't helping anyone. if people want to be in all woman groups, they need to search specifically for that. if someone defines "lesbian" as "women's only safe space," they're looking for a women's space. honestly, maybe people just need to be nudged in the right direction. maybe not enough people know there are literal all woman safe spaces irl that help women with homelessness, sexual and domestic abuse, childcare, substance abuse, mental health, and many other resources.

sometimes there are behavioral health and crisis centers that accept just women. some psychiatric hospitals have spaces for just women. it really is possible to create, nurture and participate in womens only spaces. people are just trying to take over something they personally don't belong in, and it's insane that that's the norm right now. people are obsessed with going backwards in terms of progress in accepting diversity in queer lives.

anyway, i hate this shit, so i hope things improve for you soon, people are just. so proud of being mean right now. people are proud to be assholes and they take it out on disadvantaged men. isn't that sad? people are pissed off about patriarchy, the establishment ABOVE us, so they attack poor, mentally ill, disabled, neurodivergent, intersex, trans, queer men and men of color, as if that'll solve anything.

[deerteetharepretty]

Trans Ballister Headcannon and intersectional queer theory thoughts about the movie Nimona

I absolutely ADORE the Nimona movie but as an Autigender, genderqueer, who is specifically somewhere encapsulating genderfluid and trans masc nonbinary lesbian, this movie made me sob. 

I related to Nimona so SO MUCH. But due to my love of studying the intersectionallitys of queer struggles as my special interest, i saw a specific headcannon among fans that has my entire heart. 

I dont wanna put down anyone elses, i love them all, but i wanted to take a moment to talk about the beautiful lense you could look at queer intersectionality with the Trans Man Ballistar Boldheart headcannon. 

I want to be clear i do not mean this in a weird way at all!

I think theres a lot to discuss with how we could view there kingdom as being accepting of gay people (at least a bit more progressed past where we are where there may not be hate crimes or any problems but some people are still terrible homophobs far and few) 

But through the eyes of our child Nimona we see that the society only accepts queer folks who are “the good ones” aka constantly repressing little parts of their true self to appease others. The accept gay people and say they are willing to try with binary trans people but the bigotry and outward threat of violence to anything different has kept people in the coset, hiding beautiful, normal, facets of queer joy to be seen as acceptable to the kingdom.

That's why i am so inspired by the headcannon of Ballistar, maybe not openly trans but fully living as himself accepted by doctors and the queen fully at a young age, striving for his best life, with a loving and understanding boyfriend who truly sees him.

Because its him realizing Nimona isnt the enemy, they are just a transgender/shapeshifter child. Much like he doesnt understand shapeshifters at first, he doesn't understand their gender, but you start to see him see Nimona for who she is and love her so much.  This headcannon also makes me think so much about the scene on the sword of Gloreth and the ones right before. After he hurt her Ballistar immediately regretted it. The look in his eyes and the way his hand went weak in shock when he realized he almost threatened her. He sees the fear on her face and it strikes me so much in the headcannon of them both being trans because he realized he was threatening a child, and a queer one like himself who clearly wanted to just be accepted and not hurt. I also want to talk for a moment about the ending with Ambrosius. I may need to make a part two because theres a lot to unpack with ambrosius being a cis gay man who is very supportive of the trans community and having a closeted trans partner. i feel like when the dust settles he would feel so horrible for how much he rejected Nimona in the first place.  GOD I WANNA WRITE A FANFIC ABOUT THEM WORKING TO HEAL THROUGH THIS SHIT 

[bitch-spectrum]

Boo! Identity Update! I'm also being a mean queer!

So, if anyone seeing this didn't know, My name used to be Miller but I was disowned by the family member who gave me that family name so..... I decided I didn't want to keep it.

I'm going by Michelangelo or just Mica for short now.

I used to identify as a transmasc nonbinary guy but I've found out recently some things about myself and I'm bored of that now.

I found out that I have an intersex condition. One of my alters was told a little while ago and just forgot to make it public within the system.

Before finding out I had been reconnecting with my femininity. While I want to medically transition, I no longer think of myself as just transmasc so I'm dropping the label.

I liked nonbinary as it's a functional umbrella term but honestly? I think I'm going to also label myself as a hermaphrodite.

With everything going on in my country right now I could honestly give less shits about using language that doesn't hurt your precious feelings so if me saying hermaphrodite scares you, suck it up butter cup. I'm here and I'm a dykefag. Cope.

I feel like I'm both a girl that grew into a guy and a guy that grew into a girl while being neither at the same time. I don't really want to use bigender or boygirl or androgynous because, sure they sound nice and the flags are pretty, but I want a label for myself that makes people feel a little uncomfortable at first. Both in and out of my community.

I sort of want these sanitized kids who are like "ALL GENDERS ARE VALID" to REALLY think about what they're saying. Do they actually believe that and not feel threatened by me reclaiming this word for myself or are they actually lying to themselves about what they stand for?

I want cis people who are in the LGBT+ community be a little squicked at first while they get used to it because god knows cis people dont get a single say in how I chose to label my identity.

I want allys and people who aren't in the community to look at this identity and feel awkward or uncomfortable.

I want to weed out people that the community shouldn't trust by how I'm treated for a label I'm reclaiming.

I'm no longer pansexual either. The flag is still cute as hell IMO but now I'm identifying with just being sexually queer. My attraction to anyone feels like male attraction, female attraction, and Other attraction all at the same time.

When I'm with a man I feel like a gay man, a straight woman, and an nbspec person being attracted all at the same time, for example.

Same thing for women and nonbinary people.

Gender isn't a factor in my attraction because I feel homosexual in the relationship regardless; its queer.

I'm queer and I want to be unapologetically queer because of the genocide going on in my country right now. I want overly sanitized children to widen their world view, I want to be visible for people who are closeted. I want to be a weirdo in public that weird kids see and feel less alone in the world. I want to be a freak in public that other adults see and are inspired by, even a little bit.

I don't want to be clean or PC. Nothing about what's happening is Clean or PC. We're all the enemy to these fuckers who want us dead, they don't see a difference in how we label ourselves. But if we're going to successfully fight these oppressors you can't be policing identities.

I don't fucking care if you don't understand it. You don't have to understand someone to respect them. Just get over yourself and move on and focus on the big problem that's being faced right now here in the USA as well as other countries going through the same shit.

If you want community, if you want family, if you want to win this fucking fight you better not say JACK FUCKING SHIT to the people who are fighting with you just because they identify with an "outdated" label, or have conflicting genders, or weird pronouns, or are "mspec lesbians, or are "lesbian men".

GET.OVER.IT!

Also, nothing against people who use the labels I've dropped (obviously). They're just not for me anymore.

[glitchdollmemoria]

yknow on the topic of that it/its post, its really fucking frustrating that i cant usually feel comfortable calling my partner it/its in public when that is a pronoun set it uses. bc i dont want people flipping their shit being like "umm why are you calling your PARTNER an IT dont you LOVE uhh them her him um what other ones have you used again im confused haha help please" YOU IDIOT IM CALLING IT "IT" BECAUSE I LOVE IT!!!!! if you disrespect my wife i will HARM YOU IN SOME WAY

and fucking like. idk. i also use it/its among other pronouns, and i dont even tell people irl most of the time bc i know people tend to react poorly. and im just fucking tired of people using their discomfort to justify ignoring or even insulting aspects of another persons identity. and on the one hand i sorta get if someone has been traumatized by seeing trans people dehumanized by being called "it" or having experienced that dehumanization firsthand. i have literally been called an "it" before i started using these pronouns bc of my androgyny, i fucking used to live in the conservative usamerican south i KNOW this is a way that people dehumanize us.

but theyre still my pronouns. theyre still my partners pronouns. if we are actively saying, "these make us comfortable, these make us happy" then that is NOT the same as some bigot who doesnt see us as people.

and im gonna try to word this next part carefully, bc i dont want to give the impression that i dont care about the trauma that comes with transphobes using it/its to dehumanize us. but at the same time... he/him, she/her, and they/them are all ALSO used to deny us our human autonomy. they are all used to insult and debase us depending on the circumstances. those people who make a point to call trans people by the wrong pronouns? the ones who specifically paint transmascs as Stupid Confused Foolish Women because our ~womanly brains~ are just too small to understand that we arent men, the people who make this point with a firm "she"? the ones who do the same to transfems, painting them as dangerous and aggressive, and misgendering them specifically to make that point? even to some degree the people who dont want to correctly gender any of us because we dont fit their standards for a Real Man or a Real Woman, but they still want to come off as liberal and supportive and progressive and a Good Ally, so they just call us all "they" instead of actually respecting who we are, and insist on still doing this even when explicitly told not to?

all of them weaponize one pronoun or another to cause us harm. all of them use "acceptable" (or at least SOMEWHAT "acceptable" in the case of they/them) pronouns to harm us, to deny us the autonomy to make our own choices about our bodies and lives and existences. it/its is NOT the only one.

i have been hurt by people insistently calling me "she", by people calling others in my community "she", it has been weaponized against me to the extent that im only just beginning to unpack and accept my femininity as a nonbinary person after a decade of knowing i wasnt cis. the weaponization of she/her pronouns has caused lasting psychological effects that have, perhaps permanently, altered the way i view myself and how i interact with the people around me. and NONE OF THAT DAMAGE justifies me telling anyone that im not comfortable using she/her for them, no matter the circumstances, because i dont get to decide what pronouns someone else uses!

again: i know theres still a difference between those examples and it/its. but its not as MUCH of a difference as people act like it is, and its frustrating to have to keep a part of my and my partners identities hidden away just because other people dont find those parts acceptable. its fucking tiring. i want to live as myself - as a person who has reclaimed feelings of inhumanity - and i want my partner to live as itself too. im. tired.

[evotthigh]

y'all have been real quiet about what's going on in France right now & of course I'm so used to this at this point that I can't even be fucked to feel disgust and disappointment, I'm just numb at the constant repeated ignorance and minimization of tragedy that effects REAL FUCKING PEOPLE and often has a cultural impact that ripples across the entire planet but you privileged dipshits conveniently ignore it because god forbid you think about something uncomfortable for 3 seconds beyond just parroting whatever "good view" gives you the most internet clout points because you don't actually care about real issues. I stubbed my littlest innocent baby toe on the Eiffel Tower. it hoirted so much I hopped around and went owiiieeee!!!! and I yelled and I screeched and shouted and made a whole hoot about it and I ran around and falled over I fell and my pants fell down a little bit and my ass and my little penis were showing and a french's man walked by and said ohoho Little Tiny Penis Man (he ssaid this frenchly) and there was a group of french guys and gals and nonbinary pals chanting "little tiny penis man" at me and this was so so ooooogh!!!! It just Messed me right the darn up and i was so embrarased and hurt and I dont want to go outside anymore im scared I dont want to go to School and im afraid of going to my friensd birthday party because waht if my clunsy ass tripbs and Falls and my ass and my little penis is out and his mom calls me little tiny penis man and he wont play videogames with me? anymore? so please learn a thing or two about love and the human spirit. thank you. I will see you at churc.h Bless You

[nonhuman-swag]

HELLO. ima, this is gonna b a post about like. how i experience gender, or ig lack there of (LOL) and other shtuff. other items and things about ME. yahoo! yippee!!!!! if this is unreadable sorry its mostly for me. teehee

anyways. to start off rq hellooo i am ezekiel (aka zeke :] ) and im agender n a lesbian (?) (this is questionable for now, as im feelin less and less at home with this label in a way.)

to be Real, personally, and for myself, i hate the idea of gender. not a fan! ik its important to other folks n i get it but for me i just. i dont know. nothing feels correct or what can be used to describe. nonbinary, female, male, etc just dont. work. i dont see myself in that. i see myself as a mass of flesh n bone n blood who lives and creates n thats about it. sometimes even that view is hard to realize and be at home with.

also my ideal body is the ken doll. nothing 👍 that dude has Nothing n i WISH that was me

im not sure if this is because of growing up the way i did, bein neurodivergent, the internet or whatever else but thats how things went so now im here with a weird outlook on myself or what have you. simply, i just done feel real a lot. like i Know im real, factually, i know that i live, that other people percieve me and interact with me n like, i have emotions i have memories i have things its just. sometimes it just feels empty. like watchin a video game of whats supposed to be your life. things r just kind of set out for you and ur doin tasks or whatever. its funny when i like, realize "holy moly this is real! im real!" n like. im just sittin there driving or whatever. i HEART driving btw. good stuff. there was a hot second in time where i didnt like lookin in the mirror cause i felt like the person staring back was Not Me. uncomfortable fr fr! shout out to that dream i had where me and myself (2 of me) where in like, the bathtub and we fought. like i fought myself and like. tried to drown myself but like in beautiful dream magic it didnt hurt it didnt feel like anything it was just Happening. i think about this dream a lot.

i think there is One Cool Plus about bein weird n kind of disconnected from urself n that is: i LOVE playing dress up. i love wearing cool n epic clothes. like yes ough. body... i wish it was something else but also, these clothes i have look good on it. its a good body, it has some problems that surgeries can help later down the line but not perfect but yea. i like feeling pretty or handsome or whatever in clothes. i think fashion is epic. i think the same about makeup. i enjoy just treatin myself like a paperdoll and just looking Cool. same goes for tattoos. ive gotten 4 of them n i love them, and i have plans for more. its just. i think despite it all, customizing ur character model is like. the coolest shit ever. it helps i think too, in a way of like "dude... i Am cool" or whatever. idk. explosion.jpg on my MIND

[naggingatlas]

me and my friend are both nb and once talked about our confusions growing up. and i remember them saying something along the lines of "being nonbinary and treating that as something groundbreaking while also. you know. being latino. is weird, because thats... how white people viewed me either way? i had a stache and arm hair in elementary. to them i was never a girl nor a dude. just a brown fat thing".

its the dehumanization. at a very early age. a girl doesn't have dark skin. a girl isnt too long, too wide, too heavy. a girl is interested in these things only. a girl can see and walk and hear and talk. a girl has friends. a girl isnt weird.

and then youre born a weird girl. a black or brown girl, a fat girl, a disabled girl, physically or mentally. and you're still very much expected to follow the rules of girlhood, it says so on your documents, you have to and you shall. but youre deranged if you think that they'll let you have the rights of a little girl, the few delights of it, the butterflies and cream of it. a let-off for a fault. a compliment without a leer or pity. a gaudy friendship bracelet made with six hands at a sleepover. you can only dream.

but you can only only dream for so long, before it hurts too much and you push it all away, the bad and the good, every dream and butterfly hairclip shoved into a shoebox and buried in the backyard.

and you plough through middle school in hoodies and a bob if your parents are lenient, you muffle the endings of your verbs and adjectives, stealing a vowel whenever you can, you make a secret account that your classmates and family will never find.

and in the evenings you look at pictures of men in dresses. forums they write. a "she", "она", and that stolen vowel here and there.

and they're so beautiful.

and you draw a boy (?) in a dress. a character from a cartoon, or a comic, or your brain. over. and over.

you hear a song from a band that a decade later everyone will find annoying and they use the f word sometimes. you learn the lyrics by heart. and you draw yourself. on the same page. in a suit, with a moustache and a flat chest. and high heels. and fishnets. and the suit becomes a bodysuit. and you keep the stache and you don't add a chest. and you're beautiful too.

"i wish i were a man so i could dress like a woman"

you go on like that for 7 more years.

and then you dig up the shoebox. and you say a prayer for every woman from that forum. and you say a prayer for every electronic musician whose f word you've put through ytmp3. and you say a prayer for every weird girl who's born in that moment and who had been born since the dawn of time.

and you open the shoebox and put on the butterfly hairclip.

and your tits are 4 sizes bigger from the risperidone. and you don't hide them at all.

its fighting to be allowed to be a woman. because you want to be one. and a bajillion other reasons i guess. despite what society presents as an idea of a woman. despite there maybe not needing to be one.

i dont articulate myself well. i cant win arguments with radfems, im not rational, im schizo. i rely on abstractions and vague sensations. but it makes me happy. trans girls make me happy. please exist.

thinking about how i relate to transfem experiences more than to any other trans and gnc ones and how freeing it is to realize that again after being in close proximity to a radfem for a long time and how i will never stop loving my trans sisters. ever.

[littlebabycrybtch]

idk alls i gotta say is as a nonbinary and pan person, the anti pan rhetoric is literally becoming biphobic and transphobic. like. the ugly ‘hearts not parts’ thing was baddd and ppl Need to learn their lgbt+ history but. there are just some really flawed ideas being spun around here that are literally falling under the Same problematic ideas that started the debate in the first place lmao. 

first off, the concept of pan is Not just the default ‘good way to do sexuality’, so please stop saying every other orientation already ‘inherently’ includes nonbinary genders. they can include nonbinary. they dont have to for each person, which is why the distinction can be important, and why pan as a label should Also exist. ‘nonbinary’ is a Gigantic gender spectrum and is separate from male and female, so to be blunt about it ig, Stop reducing attraction to our identities to ally points. treating it like its different from attraction to male or female (ie smth you can choose) isnt progressive. stop saying that pans bad bc if somebody wouldnt date us bc of their sexuality they’re a transphobe. you literally dont have to find my gender expression personally attractive to support my human rights lmfao. rejection towards trans people and the violence of it is definitely a bigger problem imho, but im not just gonna,,, brush off and ignore how its downright dehumanizing and fetishy that people keep trying to push the Opposing idea where you have to like us too or your sexuality isnt valid tm like??? clarifying that bi and pan are interchangeable is fine, but yall Need to remember to support bi ppl when it really DOES mean ‘two’ for them, or you’re biphobic and literally feeding into the demonizing bi = transphobe propaganda. if you believe people attracted to ‘’’’just’’’’ male and female are being bad bisexuals that should ~open their mind~ to include me, ik you have good intentions for us but you’re furthering biphobia for the sake of ‘trans activism’, which is actually just. invalidating and equating nonbinary to sexy androgyny or a different flavor of male or female so its universally attractive or w/e, which is extremely harmful for us. all you’re doing is throwing many bi people under the bus AND treating nonbinary ppl like sex dolls when you say things like ��pan is wrong bc bi people are already Supposed to be into nonbinary people!! >:(’ like. this is perpetuating the arguments you all claim to find offensive from pans. who are you trying to help here

[intersexfairy]

People shit on the split attraction model not just because they dont understand it, but also because aspec people theorized it. They don't see aspec people as inherently LGBT+, so they think this creation we made in our community is not only bullshit, but a threat to Real LGBT+ people... That if Real LGBTQ+ people are taking on this thing that the Acies UwU made, they must be fake and problematic too.

These people oftentimes see aspec validation as a threat to their own validation (due to wanting cisheterosexist society's approval). So anyone engaging in the split attraction model who isn't aspec must also be a threat to their validation.

This is to say that the split attraction model, something that is actually an incredibly valuable tool for both allo and aspec people, something that has the capacity to express sexuality and romantic orientation in a way unlike before... Has been delegitimatized, ridiculed, and blacklisted... Because the people who are claiming other people have internalized lgbtphobia are actually just projecting their insecurities - their internalized lgbtphobia. Like, you cannot sit here and tell me that so desperately wanting cishet approval to the point of harassing and cancelling your peers isn't projecting internalized lgbtphobia.

And now we all have to pay for their mishandling of their own emotions, because this sentiment is so fucking pervasive in the community. It isn't just the split attraction model.

It's everything. It's nondysphoric trans people. It's mspec gays and lesbians. It's nonbinary people. It's xenogender people. It's pansexual people. It's bisexual people. It's people who use neopronouns. It's transfeminines who are gay for men and transmasculine lesbians. It's gender nonconforming trans people. It's unlabeled and queer people. It's people who are still traumatized by the word queer being used against them as a slur.

We are letting eating ourselves alive trying to make ourselves understandable and acceptable to cishet allo people, instead of doing what genuinely makes us happy and identifying as who we are. Hurting ourselves in confusion, if you will.

And I know there are real tangible reasons for this, a lot of which isn't within our control, at least not easily. But we do have control over ourselves and our actions - we can learn to better better if we try.

There is simply no excuse for harming people. Bullying people out of their safe spaces. Making people recloset themselves. Making people hate themselves. These things all contribute to the high suicide rate in the LGBT+ community. Afterall, what's worse than having the people who are supposed to be your allies, fight for you, and support you... fucking hate you, tell you to die, tell you you're a horrible person, tell you you're not really LGBT+?

Those of you who are always viewing other LGBT+ people critically, especially those of you who harass others, need to take that criticism and look in the mirror. Ask yourself if you're happy. Ask yourself if you're doing this for people's wellbeing or for cishet allo approval. Ask yourself if you're putting more negativity into the community than your adding. Ask yourself if it would be a better use of your time to add positivity to your life and others instead of hurting already vulnerable strangers on the internet.

And be. Fucking. Honest.

[redheadbigshoes]

bi 'lesbian' truthers are ignorant to their irony, their ideas are wrought with hypocritical sentiments. i see so much shit they spout that contradicts within a sentence or within their own community of supporters and go; ''well which is it? what do you believe? do you believe trans men are men or that they are women? do you believe the trans & nonbinary lesbians who call you out you are calling are vile, violent terfs or do you not even know what that word means anymore? do you truly believe the transphobic & lesbophobic notion that trans & nonbinary lesbians arent included by the definition of lesbian alone? how long will you ignore the rampant comphet problem in the identity of bi 'lesbian' and the hurt bisexuals and lesbians struggling to come to terms with their identities, comphet, and internalized lesbophobia & biphobia, suffer through? when will you recognize the way your radinclus movement's language and way of speaking, is horrifyingly mirrored in the way the GC cult speaks, just painted with a different radical ideology? when will you hold your "good faith" radinclus community responsible for the trans/nb/lesbian/bi phobia and harm you have directly done to trans/nonbinary/lesbian/bisexual people, and the greenlight and motivation your community has given to even more extreme concepts like ''transrace''/''transage''/''MAP''/''consang''/''paraphilia'' radical inclusion in the LGBTQ+? when will you address the misogyny, especially transmisogyny in your ideals? you love to call lesbians terfs for speaking out against this, but when will you listen to the BISEXUALS educating you, and stop pretending they dont exist?'' this and so much more.

honestly the amount of shit on this community of people i have seen over the past few years since coming out, it morbidly fascinates me. id love to do a massive deep dive essay into it at some point because it knows no depths and i feel like many people haven't seen just how deep it goes. ive gotten very good at picking out their dogwhistles because of it. its honestly impressive, their blinding ignorance, to the fact they function so much inter-community system wise, a similar hivemind echo chamber, like the way gc terf's hivemind community functions, and yet have the gall to call everyone else and their lesbian mothers the terfs.

They contradict themselves because not only they’re ignorant, but the term is contradictory. If they actually believed trans men were men they wouldn’t be fighting to include them in lesbianism. The only reason they call lesbians who call them out terfs is because it’s been normalized to use that term to offend lesbians, they’ve normalized so much that I think a lot of people don’t take that term seriously anymore, which is extremely harmful for the trans community because there’s still a lot of actual terfs out there.

At the same time some of them want to include trans men in lesbianism they don’t want to include non-binary people (?). What their brains seem to not understand is that when we say non-binary people are included in lesbianism we’re not including ALL non-binary identities. They ignore comphet and even use gold star lesbian rhetoric to invalidate actual lesbians. They don’t think comphet is real so they think lesbians who’ve struggled with it or who’ve been with men before figuring out their identity are not really lesbians. But at the same time they’re including men in our identity which doesn’t make any sense lol.

They want to be lesbophobic so damn much that they don’t realize by doing that they’re not harming only the lesbian community, they’re being biphobic and transphobic as well.

Something that comforts me is to know those people are chronically online because they know their views are wrong, you don’t see them spreading this shit in real life.

[imeengoldberg]

yall shouldnt be surprised when i can give you a dictionary length book full of just story titles of mlm stories written by cis straight women ive seen not looking for them, but can count on my hands and toes all of the (male character) x male reader stories ive found while looking for them.

its all fun and games until i also tell you, hey, theres even less (girl character) x girl readers, or just wlw stories at all. It’s starting to sound a lot like fetishization. 

im not saying you cant write mlm stories as a cis straight woman- obviously not. part of being a writer is writing stories far from your own personal experience. It’s just like what we call bad representation. those people (very flamboyent gay men specifically) do exist, but they are the only gay men every shown because they fit comfortably into hetero-safe stereoypes.

if you only write mlm stories, and youre not an mlm yourself, and you always have the same heteronormative dynamic (one uwu twink sassy girlboss and the alpha badboy in detention who coUldNt bE gAY, hE plAyS FoOtbAlL anD hAz MeAn GiRlFwIeND- but thats all an act? like geez, just say ur biphobic and ask random gay men to be ur gay best friend??) it just starts to lead me to the conclusion you dont have the queer community in your best interest.

honestly, the fetishization is disgusting. it reinforces already harmful stereotypes. Also, I have never, and I mean NEVER- found a mlm story about a trans man in love with another man that wasnt practically porn without plot, save for one kiribaku fic that i wish i could find again. That definitely does not put us trans men in a wonderful light. we are not to be sexualized for our bodies, and neither us nor mlm should be fetishized for loving.

if youre unsure you can accurately write a queer love story accurately, do not do it. if youre worried at all it will come off bad on the lgbtqia+ community, do not do it. it will not hurt you if it’s bad rep, but it will hurt us.

are you good at writing queer romance as a straight person but notice that you have an odd amount of mlm & straight romance and an abandoned desert for wlw or trans/nonbinary love stories? write some! we really need it!

also, there are not enough people of color in stories in general. i notice that a lot of the time, they’re shoved off as one of the side characters- at most, a best friend. why? well, we know why, its racism, but why in my fanfiction. like, this fanfiction was so good, until i realized every single character was described as a western/eurapean with white skin, when, listen, this is an anime and they’re all japanese, jessica. although it’s not something i can speak in depth about as a very white pasty mf, it’s something ive definately noticed and its very annoying tbh. all these mcs look the same. give me some actual people please.

speaking of actual people!

why are there no chubby mcs? ever? like wtf? i get it, skinny people aesthetic or whatever, but it’s actually so frustrating when every character is a size 0 and an unrealistic representation of average people, despite usually starting out as ‘average’. I’d like to feel good about my stomach instead of comparing it to a paragraph in a fanfiction.

finally, ive gotten to something good! 

wlw stories are finally getting as mainstream as mlm! not there yet, but it makes me smile every time i see a wlw story on my feed cuz it means were getting there :)

all-in-all, this is the reason I stopped reading fanfiction regularly a while ago.

this time two-five years ago, you couldn’t pull me away from the fanfiction. I would read main characters (women) who were only ever ‘tomboy’ enough to fall into a safe view of heteronormativity that I held. I’d never even seen the word transgender until middle school- and because my entire life I was conditioned to believe that that stuff was weird or gross, I rejected it hard.

It took me years to get to where I am, and it was a huge struggle. Not that this is one fanfiction/story writer’s fault. This is an entire community’s fault. I just dont want the next generation of queer, chubby, or poc kids to think they’re weird or lesser than like I did. If it’s something I can help to stop, I will.

So, if I ever write an original story, or original characters into a fic, you bet your ass its gonna be the most realistic representation of the real world i can get into a story. now, fuck jk rowling, and have a good night. au revoir, bitches.

[dickgreyson]

Sure, Pan people who say specifically that they identify as pan to include trans and no people are gross and wrong and clearly didn't do their research in bisexuality and pansexuality and that can definitely hurt the bi community.

But you gotta see how that research and article was clearly biased by already taking participants that identified as pan and now identify as bi. And the only purpose it seems to have is wanting to show that the pansexual identity is somehow wrong and shouldn't exist. And that is hurtful for people who identify as pansexual and also panphobic. Which is why I said that the post is panphobic.

Both identities exist, people choose a label that they feel most comfortable with and have their own reasons for choosing it, there is little to no difference between pan- and bisexuality and I wholeheartedly agree that nobody should say that they're pansexual to include trans and nb people like they're doing them a favour or like they aren't included in the bisexuality identity.

But all that beside, as a gender queer and pansexual person I do see the post and the article as panphobic because of its seemingly only purpose to 'out' the pansexual label as wrong and inherently biphobic, which it absolutely isn't. It just exist and started just like bisexuality and homosexuality and it's also very old.

hey, so i really dont want to get involved with 2014 tumblr discourse, especially since i dont identify as bisexual or pansexual. im more approaching this from the outside looking in, as a non binary person speaking about the ways i would like to be perceived etc etc

research is always biased, papers are always biased, articles are always biased. although in social science we try to minimise this bias, it cant be done and it does not (within reason) negate the usefulness of that data. it's still useful, though it's use may be highly specialised or niche. i feel like this research is highly experiential. surveys are never high quality data, they arent like phd material, but they can be a jumping off point. they are useful, and a nuanced view must be taken when reviewing them.

without having the paper in front of me, i remember the questions being asked were predominately about the experience of bi people since the label of pan has began to grow in main stream relevance. e.g. schits creek and everything else recently, using pan as opposed to bi. this can be a means for people to identify as being attracted to all genders without the baggage of the bi label (being promiscuous, untrustworthy to partners, dirty especially when talking about bi men). to a largely cishet audience, this looks like the pan people are accepting, progressive, fun, and every positive connotation which doesnt then translate to bi people. it also has the effect of defining bi in opposition, because since theyre so similar (in your own words) why wouldnt someone just identify as pan? is it because they arent accepting of trans and nonbinary people? which is a commonly explained difference between the labels by pan people? is it because theyre regressive, and are taking a more conservative view of lgbt politics?

like i said before, i believe that people who identify as pan have been guilty of perpetrating these stereotypes about bi people, within and without the lgbt community. i think its important to listen to what theyre saying about their experience with relation to pan stereotypes which are out in media at the moment.

again, please label yourself however you see fit. i dont believe that you specifically, as someone who identifies as pan, are doing direct or demonstrable harm. but these stereotypes out there at the moment certainly can be harmful. its just important to take a nuanced approach to these issues, as little as they may feel.

[fembot-y2k]

Long post about something I think about a lot and that doesn’t matter to anyone else but me probably

I’m sure there’s a million posts out there on why good representation is important and good but I just wanted to talk shortly about something that happened to me in a recent span of a few months involving a character in a dumb game about collecting jpegs of anime women and hunky dudes with giant swords.

There’s a game called Granblue Fantasy, its an extremely popular gacha game/JRPG with a very large roster of characters and a lot of stuff to do as far as reading through character lore, fighting JRPG battles, raids, and basically playing VNs for character dialogue. It’s a pretty good game, and one of the coolest things about it, is it has (to my knowledge, I dont play/keep up with it very often) 2 canon trans characters. One is named Cagliostro, an alchemist who was born as a man but through extensive experimentation and some self discovery has since transitioned into a woman, hell bent on making herself as cute as possible. Fun right? She’s presented extremely well and is one of the game’s more fun characters. The second character is one that has become a personal favourite for me for many reasons, her name is Ladiva.

Ladiva is a part of a race of people called the Draph. The Draph are a humanoid, and pretty much human looking, race of people with their defining features being their large stature and bovine like horns and ears. This is important because male draph are usually much larger and more muscular than female draph (but its a horny anime game so who can say they’re surprised lol). Ladiva, as my discussion here makes obvious, is a trans woman belonging to these folk. Because of this, she’s both quite large, muscular(and more masculine presenting on the surface), and has rugged looking facial hair. The surprising thing about her presentation in comparison to how she looks, is that she’s presented incredibly well. despite her appearance being not as feminine as it could be (with Cagliostro even offering to make her a new totally feminine body only to have Ladiva refuse, stating that she should love her own body along with the rest of herself) she’s treated as what she is, a woman.

So why am I talking about this? Why am I putting my poorly put together thoughts on this tumblr post no one will read? Well, I am trans. I have felt a certain way about myself all my life that I’m sure most trans people can echoe so I won’t wast time waxing poetic about how I’ve always felt more feminine than I was “supposed” to be. My core purpose of this post comes from the fact that I am 6′2, nearly 300lbs of muscle/fat/body hair, and have had a full beard since I was 14. I am EXCEEDINGLY masculine, which has made my own internal struggle with my transness sort of difficult to accept. A sort of constant push and pull of wanting to just repress it all because I already pass as a man and wanting to work towards being who I know I actually am. Another factor is that I never felt truly comfortable with purely feminine pronouns. In highschool I went by a different name, and I used she/her pronouns and for a while it felt okay. But it was always just, okay. It never felt right on top of several people giving me some rather hurtful backlash for it and how it contrasted so much with my physical appearance. So I stowed it all away until about a year ago. I now have something that I didn’t have before, a truly wonderful and supportive group of adult friends who treat me like an adult as well and take me seriously. So through careful examination of how I felt i began trying new things to explore my identity. It began with me deciding I wanted to use they/them pronouns, this stuck and still feels like its the right thing for me along with the label of Nonbinary. However, slotting myself into this new label and finally feeling comfortable in an identity brought about new thoughts as well as new things to mull over in my head. Things like the fact that most nonbinary representation in media falls under the same category of a waifish AFAB person who presemts femininely if not androgynous, and how people like me are a vocal minority within the community itself even being excluded by a small portion of it. It was a new set of things to tackle and think about. But that aside, with them came the most important thing I asked myself, “am I comfortable with how I am now? Or do those thoughts I had all those years ago mean something?”

This question isnt easy. Gender is a strange subject and is different to everyone who experiences something with their identity, so I wont pretend like I have any definitive answers for anything because, there arent really any of those. The question for myself, boiled down to “Am I more comfortable identifying as transfeminine, or am I comfortable with just being nonbinary.” This question vexed me for a little while. It hurt to think about. A lifetime of bullying and being made to be ashamed of my body type and stature had made my confidence in myself rather lackluster. This made the decision more difficult. It would be easy to try and own a sense of pride in being a masculine presenting nonbinary person. There aren’t many of those in representation as I mentioned before, and at the time it made me feel nice to think that it was what I wanted. But those thoughts I had all those years ago did mean something, and thats not who I am. The answer I ultimately came to, was that I am trans, and want to present more feminine than masculine, because that’s who I know I am, and not just what I think would be easiest. So, to bring it all together, how the everloving fuck does this relate to a character from a gacha game? Well, when i first saw Ladiva I nearly wrote her off as a character that probably was used as a disrespectful  joke on trans women and how they’re viewed. She’s not though. She has an entire montra of loving herself and others for who they are and owning every aspect of herself, including her body. She’s not a small lady, she’s a large/muscular wrestler who, in no mistake of words, still looks very masculine, right down to her facial hair. But none of that matters, not her appearance, not her beard, not her height, she’s still a woman and she’s seen as one by the others around her because, well, that’s what she is. She makes it known and others accept, or at the very least, respect it. It was something entirely new to see something like this in a form of popular media, and in turn it gave me an odd sense of self confidence in my own current appearance, even though I do intend on changing it through HRT and other means (exercise and other health related means). It meant a lot to me to see someone who was, in at least some way, like me who was loved by the community of the game she was in. And it still does. In conclusion, Ladiva is a very cool character, and her existing gave me a boost of confidence that helped lead me towards accepting things about myself that I had found it hard to previously. Go look into Granblue if you like games like that, there’s even a fighting game that came out not too long ago. Thanks for reading, if you did, this whole post is long and kind of dumb because I’m kind of dumb. But I wanted to put it somewhere. Have a nice day <3

[fleshblueberry]

Babe wake up im going to rant about my ocs lore because im bored

Tw/cw depression, suicide, kidnapping, addiction, unreality

I write angsty stuff for my ocs oops-

When i first started making my characters they were very different in alot of ways and they were very different from what they are now. But i some how managed to glue all the chaos of my ocs together into a semi-coherent story. I went through an insane amount of world building with myself and i honestly dont think ive ever writen or typed any of it out before! its all just up in my head (and you know my memory is trash so ive probably forgotten of alot of things i made before lol). Anyways- i have two main story lines for my characters. Ethan's story, and Vevlet's story. Although i must admit Ethan's story is less complex than velvets simply beacsue it acts as a story of prequeal to Velvets story line. (Alternate realities that happen to have effect on each other basically- we love space time junk)

Ethan's world is very similar to ours, the most similar out of any of my fantasy worlds lol. Ethan's story revolves around self-discovery. I mean for it to be a wholesome/lighthearted thing that quickly leads up to dark undertones (spoilers lol). Ethan's story begins with Eef pre-transition (AFAB to NB). We get to see Ethan learn about themself and have fun exploring emotions and what it means to be alive. Ethan comes from a run-down family (mom khs, dad mia). So he lives with his adoptive parents (who i have yet to design and think about- theyre lesbians 100% though). A major moment for Eef is meeting his partner Seth. As you already know Ethan and Seth are cute ass boyfriends and stuff but guess what! im jammed their story full of angst and edgy shit bc i "wrote" most of this when i was hella depressed! Anyways Seth's family is like moderally welathy, wealthier than most i would say. Seth catches feelings for the emo chick ofc (forgot to metion Eef was definately a hot goth girl before he transitions).... uh yea anyways seth ends up flirting and crushing on eef and eef is like yea sure im bored and sad why not. and they end up dating after a while. Theres an important moment in their relationship when Ethan take Seth to this dead tree. THis dead tree is very important also bc it is where his mother hanged herself, and Ethan doesnt quite remember that bc he was very young when it happened, but he knows it as a place of comfort and he goes there alot when he feels sad or alone. this tree could be taken as symbolizim but heheh ill never tell. anyways Ethan is like yo my fevorite tree and Seth is like wtf okay bro ily and all but why a dead tree with an unstable tire swing?? ANd ethans like idk but i like it here reminds me of my childhood (op my guy) and they spend the night there. Also when ethan comes out to seth as nonbinary seth is just like ok,,, because hes bisexual lol. anyways time skip and Seth has some addiction problems once he graduates, long story short- Ethan doesnt like it bc his dad was a druggie so he trys to help Seth and Seth raises his voice and ethan is tiny compared to his bf so hes naturally like terrified of being hit and he suddenly feels his world of happy and peace he build back up bieng destroyed once again so he heads to his mothers dead tree and decides life isnt worth it anymore, and he hangs himself in the exact spot his mother did.... once seth comes off one of his highs or whatever hes like- oh fuck i yelled and acted agro to my traumatized partner. and he immedatly goes to the tree bc its Ethans favortie spot but its to late. regret is the only emootion anymore... its over for them.

now youre probably wondering how the absolute hell does that tie into velvets lore?? well do i have a tale for you. Velvets sotry begins on her 21st birthday, she is out for drinks with her douchebag bf and her bestfriend. several drinks later she yells over blaring club music shes going to the restroom, and as shes walking back she sees her bf and her bestie making out and she doesnt even say anyhting and walks out alone. She is making her way back to her apartment very tipsy. She then hears a vechile driving beside her, she cant make out anyhting theyre saying and the people in the car get out and before she even relises whats going on shes thrown into the vechile and is being beaten and yelled at. She passes out as theyre driivng to somewhere. When she next awakes she is in a barn-looking place. Concreate walls painted red and straw all over the floor. she cant stand, her legs stung and so did her entire body. for several days- she doesnt know how long she stayed in this place unable to move or do anything. Weak and starving, she gathered up her last bit of strength and hung herself on a low board (havent really worked out the details on that scence bc i keep changing my mind but she does hang herself). Cut to a space of nothingness- legit nothing- exactly its impossible to imagine nothing. In the nothing sits velvet all skin and bone, and then an entity, a hooded figure with long hair, sits next to her. No words are spoke, but the entity looks at velvet longingly. Then it tears out its eye- just full on plunges its hand into its socket and rips it out. bloody mess honestly. the entity hands its eye to velvet, and she takes it. there is no thoughts here, no sound, only actions. Cut once more to a coriners room place? ya know the place with dead bodies and tables and shit- anyways a bright light emerges from dead!vevlets chest and surrounds her entire body. *cue stunned doctor mans* Velvet arises from her death with her scars healed over and... wings. Yup shes an angel now. I mean her world already had monsters and things of suppernatural belonging but- angels are rare. She makes 1 of 2 angels in their relam as of current. Angels are "made" from regrets. Regret overflowing from two sources- one long dead and the other recent. This is where ethan comes in. Ethan's regret from how he died was powerful and sad, powerful enough for his spirt- an entity- to reach Velvets. Velvet too, had much regret in her death. So young and so many things that could have been avoided. In the days following up to her death in the barn/cellar she only felt regret. Regret for all she did and all she didnt do. So much pain summoned the entity. Their powerful forces of regret pulled them together and allowed Velvet to return- but at a price for the both of them. the entity lost its eye- symbolizing a loss of humanity and conscientiousness. While Velvet lost herself, she no longer can view her world in the same way. She has severe ptsd- like episodes and halucinations. She cant go back, she has to live through he own grief. Velvets appearnace also changes quite a bit. Her hair got longer, she has two sleek gray wings on her back, and- one of her eyes are purple now. why does it hrut her to see that eye? why is it all so familiar yet far away. Her human brain can hardly understand all the changes. But she was gifted this- she knows she must try. And luckily for her society sees angels as higher beings. They are given the umost respect but they are also greatly feared because of how misterious their origins are. The only other known angel meets with velvet quite alot through her story, he will act as a sort of guide/plot device to make things a bit easier for myself (havent worked out his lore tho or even a design for him hjbfkjsdb). Anyways im tired and its 1:35 am so thats all the lore you get for now, plus its the stuff ive thought about the most so- i dont really want to think any furtherb ahead yet lol. to many little things to work out...... i love creating but oml typing hurts after an hour or so-

Jam out!

... I don't even know what to say to this

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

answer asap pls. my religious elder dad wants me to read two Ex-gay books ("The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert" and "Gay Girl Good God" specifically); I came out in April as nonbinary and bi. I try to get him to hear me but it feels so one-way; plus I end up shutting down when he starts "debating" all these points, so it makes me look like I dont have anything. pls help me

cw: ex gay books mentioned

Hey there, anon. I am so sorry that you are in this situation. You deserve family that respects you and hears you out. I pray that the Holy Spirit will work at softening the heart of your father; in the meantime, I pray that you can find other people, online or offline, to go to for support and comfort. 

I’m going to start by saying I feel like I’m out of my depth here, so if anyone else has suggestions or encouragement for anon regarding what to do in this situation, please share it!

That being said, I’m going to toss a bunch of possibilities at you below, and you can read through and see if any seem like they’d work in your context.

______

To start with, the most important thing for you to know is that you do not have any obligation to “debate” your dad, or anyone else, about who you are and whether or not it’s okay. You have no duty to spend your precious mental, spiritual, and emotional energy on anyone, but especially not someone who doesn’t seem to even be willing to hear out your side of things. It’s not your job to change his mind. Your job is to keep yourself safe.

If you shut down and if these debates distress you, I recommend setting boundaries with your dad: for example, when he starts these debates, tell him you will not be participating for as long as you continue to feel unheard. If he persists, walk away. 

You know the context and your dad better than I do, of course – only do that if you feel it is safe! If you fear his reaction to you walking away will be violent or otherwise distressing for you, you may unfortunately have to sit through whatever he wants to say. Even if that is the case, it’s not your job to “convince” him or “win” the conversation; your priority is keeping yourself as safe and comfortable as possible. 

Again, you know the context of your family much better than I do; you also know better than I do whether reading one of the books your dad suggested would be harmful to your spiritual or mental health. If I were in your shoes as someone who feels I could read an ex-gay story and feel sad and upset but not have my faith shaken, what I would probably do is agree to read one of the books but only if my dad in return would read one book that I suggested. And he has to really read it – don’t read all of your book only to finish and he hasn’t even started his; maybe for every chapter you read you make sure he’s also read a chapter of the book you suggested, if that makes sense. 

If you do want to recommend a book to him, here’s a post with some options.

The hope I would have in making my dad do this is that maybe, just maybe, something in the book I recommended would speak to him and start him on the road to changing his mind; but unfortunately, that’s not at all guaranteed. It might could be that your dad could read a hundred LGBT-affirming books and retain his views at the end. So if you do something like this, do what you can to protect yourself from disappointment if things don’t turn out the way you want; cultivating support from other people in your life so that you can turn to them for comfort and a place to vent is one way to prepare. 

If the whole getting him to read a book in return thing doesn’t sound like it would fit your situation, I return to that idea of setting boundaries. If refusing to engage point blank and walking away doesn’t seem like the right option for you, what about telling him you only want to have written-out discussions on this topic? I know that for me, having the time to gather my thoughts and articulate them right, and to gather up helpful resources, is much better than having to answer immediately – especially when the subject is so emotional and important to me. 

If your dad is someone who would listen to something like this, maybe try some “I feel” statements with him, too: “I feel unheard when we have these conversations; like you are just talking at me instead of with me.” “I feel hurt and distressed by these conversations, and scared that if I don’t change the way you want me to, you won’t love me anymore.” – sentences like that. If your dad understood how these debates make you feel, do you think that would change the way he talks with you? If not, this probably isn’t the best option. 

One last possibility, if your dad insists on having these conversations, is to bring in a mediator. There are counselors out there whose job is to mediate arguments, to make sure that both sides feel listened to and that the conversation doesn’t devolve into yelling or whatnot. You could look into an unbiased mediator like that and see if your dad would be interested in something like that (I’ll say again, you would know better than I do whether that seems like something your dad would ever consider). 

________________

I’ll close by offering you a couple more posts to look at, in case any of them have encouragement or tips that might help you.

The first is a “letter” I once wrote to anti-LGBT Christians. I’m not sure that I’d recommend sending it directly to your dad, but you could read it over and see if anything in it seems like something he might respond well to. 

In my #conversion therapy tag, you should find some resources about how being gay is not a choice and trying to change doesn’t help. Same with my #ex gay tag. This stuff is probably not going to convince your dad if he doesn’t want to be convinced, but if you have to hear him talk about ex gay stories, it might help you to have some counter-narratives to read. 

Hang in there, anon. It’s unfortunately unlikely that your dad is going to have a change of heart any time soon, so your priority is to protect yourself.