#and it hurts that they dont view me as nonbinary and see me as a girl

[wings-of-angels]

.

[theyjustadmitthathuh]

Hi I'm not a radfem but I'm a believer in learning about all political idealogies/opinions so that I can better construct my own beliefs/opinions

It's pretty obvious what the radfem opinion on trans women is, that you think they're invading women's spaces, predatory, etc, but I'm curious what the opinion of trans men (or trans identifying women, I think your term is?) and nonbinary/genderqueer people. I don't see it talked about super often so I'm just sort of curious what radfems think about it.

btw this is not meant to be a hate ask to to stir up shit or anything, I would just genuinely like to know so I can expand my understandings of different political views

I’d like to start out by saying that trans women are no more predatory than cis men, and that predators will flock to any movement that gives them deniability. This means that I dont believe that trans women inherently by the fact of being trans or crossdressing or taking hormones, are predators, nor do I think that male predators are inherently more apt to be feminine or crossdress or take hrt. I think it’s more comparable to teachers (or cops but teachers are a safer analogy).

Not all teachers abuse students. Abusers do not inherently feel the desire to teach children. And yet, many teachers abuse students because teaching is a profession where only few people can actually say no to or question you. Teachers have a boss- they can be stopped there, although usually not- teachers have students’ parents to question them, but many parents are burnt out, overworked, or just do not care. This means as long as abusive people are smart about their methods, an abusive person could become a teacher and have plenty of victims with no way out who truly believe this is correct and fair. Doesn’t that seem appealing to them? But! If they taught at a different school, perhaps one where the principal stops this kind of thing or the parents are very involved, the abusive person would either never get the job or get fired/arrested quite quickly.

This is what we’re saying is happening with some trans women. I’d like to stop here in my explanation to expound on another fact that often gets misconstrued when we have these conversations: i dont believe anyone is inherently trans. I believe that “being trans” or “having gender dysphoria” (which I do believe is a subset of body dysmorphia) is caused by negative sexist stereotypes and the inability to live up to them. What is there to make one feel like a different sex other than stereotypes about the other sex? I mean truly, in order for me to feel male, wouldnt I have to know how it feels to be male? How would I know that? All I know is the stereotypes about being male, and those stereotypes are sexist. If I’m relating to male people more than female people in daily life, that’s because men are human and maybe I need to work on why I cant relate to other women. (Side note: working on relating to other women over relating to men has helped my gender dysphoria more than crossdressing or being called sir)

So anyway, with that covered, you have a group of (most gay/bi) men who don’t fit in to sexist stereotypes trying desperately to live their lives. Sad, but not hurting anyone. Then it became a mainstream theory. “What if people actually did have souls and they got switched up? Or maybe it’s in the brain?? It could be inherent! Should it be a protected trait?” Still no one is listening to the gay men who could tell you why they did it. (And nobody knows about the trans men who exist now because they NEED it that way for escaping misogyny)

So now those gay/bi men are a minority, and this culture of questioning a trans person being the same as murder came out. Are you seeing the parallels yet? This is the culture, the atmosphere, the environment, that is alluring to predators. We may as well be running a church with the way questions and outside sources get you blocked by everyone who once called you a friend. And tell a predator going to prison that all he has to do is go by she/her to keep abusing women and he will do that. So we have all these trans women, who are not transitioning in the original spirit, being predators and ruining the public’s understanding of what a transgender person is and is trying to do. Basically, men kept abusing women and being predators, but now they have a new deniability to try on when it suits them. I know the argument “it’s a lot of work to transition why would they do that?” Well it’s a lot of work to become a teacher or a minister or the pope or a gynecologist, but there are all men who’ve admitting to doing those things to get victims that couldn’t fight back.

So, now that hopefully, you understand that I’m not a lunatic who thinks that estrogen in a male body makes a man abusive or that somehow abusers crave estrogen and frills, we can move on to your question about trans men.

Basically the same thing except women dont have the social power to abuse that men do. There’s no posts going around like “if a trans man rapes you no he didnt” or “youre just a trans mans flesh doll” or “if I hear that a trans man is racist then I’m going to assume whoever told me is transphobic” (quotes of posts i’ve seen reblogged about trans women) because there’s little to no female solidarity like there is male solidarity (the concept that a man will side with another man he hates or disagrees with over any woman, even one he agrees with), so I’m not saying that men being predatory is biological or anything, I’m saying that trans men simply do not have the social power nor class solidarity needed to call predators to their ranks in droves. Are there predatory trans men? Yes there’s predatory every kind of person.

So, if there’s very little social power gained with becoming a trans man, why are there more female trans people than male trans people? Because women are oppressed on the basis of sex. Escaping that oppression is the number one reason for transitioning (whether ftm or nb) for female humans. Whether it be sexual assault, harassment, or misogyny intersecting with other things like racism, homophobia, or the oppression associated with gender non-conformity, most trans men have a story to tell of a time they would have been treated better as a boy or man or a time they would have been not hurt if they were male. I know my transition story centered around my hatred of being a lesbian. I’m coming to terms with that in a more healthy way now, and not by pretending to be a straight man.

Other than the vague theories surrounding the movement and the real consequences of it, trans people are just people. Some are shit some are cool. Some realize what theyre doing and just think this is the best way to live with their shit, some are unaware and truly think they were born into a body that is not their own, and some are running a game.

Here, I’m mostly concerned with using logic to try to get people to become a little more self aware. (And passing the time at work) But if I can reblog a rant about “afab trans women” and make someone realize that we’re all saying the same things here and maybe we can reach an agreement and work together, great! If I can reblog a misogynist rant in the disguise of a trans rights rant and get someone to notice what theyre agreeing with, great!

If not, well this is a silly little blog. Radical feminism is much much much much much more than the trans issue. I’m busy helping women in abusive situations and trying to foster female friendship and solidarity. Imo, if we could get female solidarity with all female humans (cis women, trans men, female nbs) that would truly be a better world than one where no woman transitions but also no woman stands with one another.

(I know you also asked about nbs and genderqueer ppl but as I dont believe any form of trans is inherent, there is little difference to me between a trans man and an afab nb genderqueer person in terms of identity. Obviously each person is unique in terms of personality.)

I enjoy these types of questions, and if there’s anything that wasn’t clear or anything that you’re still wondering about, feel free to send another anon or dm me or whatevs! Thanks for the question! 😊

[deerteetharepretty]

Trans Ballister Headcannon and intersectional queer theory thoughts about the movie Nimona

I absolutely ADORE the Nimona movie but as an Autigender, genderqueer, who is specifically somewhere encapsulating genderfluid and trans masc nonbinary lesbian, this movie made me sob. 

I related to Nimona so SO MUCH. But due to my love of studying the intersectionallitys of queer struggles as my special interest, i saw a specific headcannon among fans that has my entire heart. 

I dont wanna put down anyone elses, i love them all, but i wanted to take a moment to talk about the beautiful lense you could look at queer intersectionality with the Trans Man Ballistar Boldheart headcannon. 

I want to be clear i do not mean this in a weird way at all!

I think theres a lot to discuss with how we could view there kingdom as being accepting of gay people (at least a bit more progressed past where we are where there may not be hate crimes or any problems but some people are still terrible homophobs far and few) 

But through the eyes of our child Nimona we see that the society only accepts queer folks who are “the good ones” aka constantly repressing little parts of their true self to appease others. The accept gay people and say they are willing to try with binary trans people but the bigotry and outward threat of violence to anything different has kept people in the coset, hiding beautiful, normal, facets of queer joy to be seen as acceptable to the kingdom.

That's why i am so inspired by the headcannon of Ballistar, maybe not openly trans but fully living as himself accepted by doctors and the queen fully at a young age, striving for his best life, with a loving and understanding boyfriend who truly sees him.

Because its him realizing Nimona isnt the enemy, they are just a transgender/shapeshifter child. Much like he doesnt understand shapeshifters at first, he doesn't understand their gender, but you start to see him see Nimona for who she is and love her so much.  This headcannon also makes me think so much about the scene on the sword of Gloreth and the ones right before. After he hurt her Ballistar immediately regretted it. The look in his eyes and the way his hand went weak in shock when he realized he almost threatened her. He sees the fear on her face and it strikes me so much in the headcannon of them both being trans because he realized he was threatening a child, and a queer one like himself who clearly wanted to just be accepted and not hurt. I also want to talk for a moment about the ending with Ambrosius. I may need to make a part two because theres a lot to unpack with ambrosius being a cis gay man who is very supportive of the trans community and having a closeted trans partner. i feel like when the dust settles he would feel so horrible for how much he rejected Nimona in the first place.  GOD I WANNA WRITE A FANFIC ABOUT THEM WORKING TO HEAL THROUGH THIS SHIT 

[queer-nervous-wolf]

Watched I Saw the Tv Glow and jfc I need 3-5 business days to process and after that watch it 10 more times. I think it can be read in many different lights and be a allegory to lots of different things. Being the weird kid, being neurodivergent, especially autistic, being queer, gay, being trans being nonbinary being so so mentally ill and different symptoms of mental disorders and trauma.

Long rambles under the keep reading, Spoilers

Do you want to interpret it as more "literal" ok so owen has to go back to save himself (still very trans no matter what obv) somehow they've been transported to hellish 'realistic" world and are dying in their graves while plugged into the lunar matrix. You have to wake up.

Maddy was actually not doing mentally well, experiencing delusions, massive disassociation that her and owen shared. Owen disassociating most of his life. Finding safety in the made up world. Finding safety and peace in dying. Mental breakdowns. Only way to be free is to be in a grave. Shared delusions. Shared experiencing some mental illness that is only treated as bad or hurt by ones who should help you. Different scenes could be interpretation as suicide attempts. ( To be completely honest when Owen has the box cutter I genuinely thought he was "freeing and seeing" himself finally but it was gonna cut to his coworker finding his dead bleeding body. Glad it wasn't that.)

Feeling like you dont belong for whatever reason (queer, trans, neurodivergent, traumatized) (for me personally this is a very autistic fear/experience) so you sink into a made up world with another weird person. They are the only one who gets it. Your reality is shoved In your face (your mom dies). The show ends. Your friend disappears/moves/dies. You are alone. You are weird. You go through the motions but nothing feels right, real, you are suffocating. You are trying so hard to mask but you can't do it right. Your friend shows up and tells you that your can make your life as good as when you were watching your favorite show. Your life can be that happy, that show. But it's gonna hurt and there's gonna be a lot of change and uncertainty. You're to scared, you choose to stay in the hell you know, to scared about the unknown and uncertain. You do nothing because you are so scared of doing something. Have opportunities past you? Could you have been happier? Can you be happier? You have to move to find out. Change is the most terrifying part. Why can't you just take a step forward? You are suffering where you are but changing is scary you are frozen. You're suffocating to death, your heart is cold and scared. Could you have been happier already if you had done something earlier? Is there any point? Both edges of the sword are digging into you. You finally snap and realize you want something to change. Now you just have to do it.

Being trans. I interpreted the scene where Maddy invited Owen to run away with her it's also inviting him to come out of the closet. He's so fucking scared. He cleans his skin raw and hides himself. He continues playing the boy role given to him. Maddy was reborn but it fucking hurt getting to the point where she's at now. And now she's come back for him. For Isabel. Open your eyes. He views him trying on a dress, being Isabel something as a silly things kids do, as fake as the show. His dad tells him that show is a girl show. His dad dies and now he "has to become a real man" jfc he's killing himself. Looks back at his childhood and thinks how childish he was to dress/act like a girl. He had a family he's happy (he's playing the man role as best he can. This is what is expected right?) He is surrounded by coworkers and kids and he realizes he can't fucking do this anymore. He's dying like this. He will die if nothing happens.

There is still time

He finally looks inside himself. He sees more then a empty hole. There is something. He hasn't lost everything. He is still so apologetic to others, apologizing for his existence especially because it's "complicated" and not fitting the role. But there's hope. It doesn't matter how old he is. Maybe he will bury himself and crawl out of the ground as Isabel. Maybe Tara will be there. Maybe he'll finally able to breathe, to find his heart. He's made a first step.

[bitch-spectrum]

Boo! Identity Update! I'm also being a mean queer!

So, if anyone seeing this didn't know, My name used to be Miller but I was disowned by the family member who gave me that family name so..... I decided I didn't want to keep it.

I'm going by Michelangelo or just Mica for short now.

I used to identify as a transmasc nonbinary guy but I've found out recently some things about myself and I'm bored of that now.

I found out that I have an intersex condition. One of my alters was told a little while ago and just forgot to make it public within the system.

Before finding out I had been reconnecting with my femininity. While I want to medically transition, I no longer think of myself as just transmasc so I'm dropping the label.

I liked nonbinary as it's a functional umbrella term but honestly? I think I'm going to also label myself as a hermaphrodite.

With everything going on in my country right now I could honestly give less shits about using language that doesn't hurt your precious feelings so if me saying hermaphrodite scares you, suck it up butter cup. I'm here and I'm a dykefag. Cope.

I feel like I'm both a girl that grew into a guy and a guy that grew into a girl while being neither at the same time. I don't really want to use bigender or boygirl or androgynous because, sure they sound nice and the flags are pretty, but I want a label for myself that makes people feel a little uncomfortable at first. Both in and out of my community.

I sort of want these sanitized kids who are like "ALL GENDERS ARE VALID" to REALLY think about what they're saying. Do they actually believe that and not feel threatened by me reclaiming this word for myself or are they actually lying to themselves about what they stand for?

I want cis people who are in the LGBT+ community be a little squicked at first while they get used to it because god knows cis people dont get a single say in how I chose to label my identity.

I want allys and people who aren't in the community to look at this identity and feel awkward or uncomfortable.

I want to weed out people that the community shouldn't trust by how I'm treated for a label I'm reclaiming.

I'm no longer pansexual either. The flag is still cute as hell IMO but now I'm identifying with just being sexually queer. My attraction to anyone feels like male attraction, female attraction, and Other attraction all at the same time.

When I'm with a man I feel like a gay man, a straight woman, and an nbspec person being attracted all at the same time, for example.

Same thing for women and nonbinary people.

Gender isn't a factor in my attraction because I feel homosexual in the relationship regardless; its queer.

I'm queer and I want to be unapologetically queer because of the genocide going on in my country right now. I want overly sanitized children to widen their world view, I want to be visible for people who are closeted. I want to be a weirdo in public that weird kids see and feel less alone in the world. I want to be a freak in public that other adults see and are inspired by, even a little bit.

I don't want to be clean or PC. Nothing about what's happening is Clean or PC. We're all the enemy to these fuckers who want us dead, they don't see a difference in how we label ourselves. But if we're going to successfully fight these oppressors you can't be policing identities.

I don't fucking care if you don't understand it. You don't have to understand someone to respect them. Just get over yourself and move on and focus on the big problem that's being faced right now here in the USA as well as other countries going through the same shit.

If you want community, if you want family, if you want to win this fucking fight you better not say JACK FUCKING SHIT to the people who are fighting with you just because they identify with an "outdated" label, or have conflicting genders, or weird pronouns, or are "mspec lesbians, or are "lesbian men".

GET.OVER.IT!

Also, nothing against people who use the labels I've dropped (obviously). They're just not for me anymore.

[glitchdollmemoria]

yknow on the topic of that it/its post, its really fucking frustrating that i cant usually feel comfortable calling my partner it/its in public when that is a pronoun set it uses. bc i dont want people flipping their shit being like "umm why are you calling your PARTNER an IT dont you LOVE uhh them her him um what other ones have you used again im confused haha help please" YOU IDIOT IM CALLING IT "IT" BECAUSE I LOVE IT!!!!! if you disrespect my wife i will HARM YOU IN SOME WAY

and fucking like. idk. i also use it/its among other pronouns, and i dont even tell people irl most of the time bc i know people tend to react poorly. and im just fucking tired of people using their discomfort to justify ignoring or even insulting aspects of another persons identity. and on the one hand i sorta get if someone has been traumatized by seeing trans people dehumanized by being called "it" or having experienced that dehumanization firsthand. i have literally been called an "it" before i started using these pronouns bc of my androgyny, i fucking used to live in the conservative usamerican south i KNOW this is a way that people dehumanize us.

but theyre still my pronouns. theyre still my partners pronouns. if we are actively saying, "these make us comfortable, these make us happy" then that is NOT the same as some bigot who doesnt see us as people.

and im gonna try to word this next part carefully, bc i dont want to give the impression that i dont care about the trauma that comes with transphobes using it/its to dehumanize us. but at the same time... he/him, she/her, and they/them are all ALSO used to deny us our human autonomy. they are all used to insult and debase us depending on the circumstances. those people who make a point to call trans people by the wrong pronouns? the ones who specifically paint transmascs as Stupid Confused Foolish Women because our ~womanly brains~ are just too small to understand that we arent men, the people who make this point with a firm "she"? the ones who do the same to transfems, painting them as dangerous and aggressive, and misgendering them specifically to make that point? even to some degree the people who dont want to correctly gender any of us because we dont fit their standards for a Real Man or a Real Woman, but they still want to come off as liberal and supportive and progressive and a Good Ally, so they just call us all "they" instead of actually respecting who we are, and insist on still doing this even when explicitly told not to?

all of them weaponize one pronoun or another to cause us harm. all of them use "acceptable" (or at least SOMEWHAT "acceptable" in the case of they/them) pronouns to harm us, to deny us the autonomy to make our own choices about our bodies and lives and existences. it/its is NOT the only one.

i have been hurt by people insistently calling me "she", by people calling others in my community "she", it has been weaponized against me to the extent that im only just beginning to unpack and accept my femininity as a nonbinary person after a decade of knowing i wasnt cis. the weaponization of she/her pronouns has caused lasting psychological effects that have, perhaps permanently, altered the way i view myself and how i interact with the people around me. and NONE OF THAT DAMAGE justifies me telling anyone that im not comfortable using she/her for them, no matter the circumstances, because i dont get to decide what pronouns someone else uses!

again: i know theres still a difference between those examples and it/its. but its not as MUCH of a difference as people act like it is, and its frustrating to have to keep a part of my and my partners identities hidden away just because other people dont find those parts acceptable. its fucking tiring. i want to live as myself - as a person who has reclaimed feelings of inhumanity - and i want my partner to live as itself too. im. tired.

[catboy-sucking-girlcock]

venting lolololol. it's a small thing but i wanna get my feelings out somewhere

someone made a playful comment about how the character arc of one of their characters is "finding a trans girl to date and being in a lesbian relationship" and it kinda just made me feel,, hurt

the character in question is someone who my character interacts with a lot, so i couldn't help but feel like "but what about my character? what about all the ways that my character, who is queer and trans, has impacted your character??? has my character not also created an important character arc to your character???"

in a way, it felt like they were unintentionally treating my character as someone whose queer identity is not impactful or meaningful because they are nonbinary/multigender/genderfuck/flux/fluid/etc.. and it also felt dismissive because like.. my character is also a trans girl. but because my character is multigender, ig this person didn't see my character as a "real" trans girl

and it also felt like they were dismissing the impact that the characters had with each other because they are not "romantic" with each other despite having an intimate relationship. im p sure it's amatonormativity that they didn't realise they were perpetuating. like.. they were treating "dating" or "romantic relationships" as a defining moment in someone's life (or in this case, it's a "character arc")

also, there's literally no reason why these two characters can't be considered to be in a "lesbian relationship" ????

which.. idk. it's literally just fictional characters. but i think all of this hurt me because it reminded me of myself and the experiences i've had with my queerness and relationships

a lot of people look at me and will categorise me as something that is "other" than a trans girl or trans boy. and they're not wrong for doing that, because i AM an "other" but i am ALSO a trans girl and a trans boy. im a lot of things at the same time, and it hurts when pieces of me are ignored

and similarly, it hurts when people dont view my relationship with them as something that is "impactful" or "important." like, why is it that "dating" is the only type of relationship that so many people consider to be worthy of keeping track of and counting? or to be considered a milestone in life? are the other relationships not important? why do i have to date you in order for you to consider me someone who has played an important role in your life? why does your character have to date someone in order to have a "character arc"?

[evotthigh]

y'all have been real quiet about what's going on in France right now & of course I'm so used to this at this point that I can't even be fucked to feel disgust and disappointment, I'm just numb at the constant repeated ignorance and minimization of tragedy that effects REAL FUCKING PEOPLE and often has a cultural impact that ripples across the entire planet but you privileged dipshits conveniently ignore it because god forbid you think about something uncomfortable for 3 seconds beyond just parroting whatever "good view" gives you the most internet clout points because you don't actually care about real issues. I stubbed my littlest innocent baby toe on the Eiffel Tower. it hoirted so much I hopped around and went owiiieeee!!!! and I yelled and I screeched and shouted and made a whole hoot about it and I ran around and falled over I fell and my pants fell down a little bit and my ass and my little penis were showing and a french's man walked by and said ohoho Little Tiny Penis Man (he ssaid this frenchly) and there was a group of french guys and gals and nonbinary pals chanting "little tiny penis man" at me and this was so so ooooogh!!!! It just Messed me right the darn up and i was so embrarased and hurt and I dont want to go outside anymore im scared I dont want to go to School and im afraid of going to my friensd birthday party because waht if my clunsy ass tripbs and Falls and my ass and my little penis is out and his mom calls me little tiny penis man and he wont play videogames with me? anymore? so please learn a thing or two about love and the human spirit. thank you. I will see you at churc.h Bless You

[nonhuman-swag]

HELLO. ima, this is gonna b a post about like. how i experience gender, or ig lack there of (LOL) and other shtuff. other items and things about ME. yahoo! yippee!!!!! if this is unreadable sorry its mostly for me. teehee

anyways. to start off rq hellooo i am ezekiel (aka zeke :] ) and im agender n a lesbian (?) (this is questionable for now, as im feelin less and less at home with this label in a way.)

to be Real, personally, and for myself, i hate the idea of gender. not a fan! ik its important to other folks n i get it but for me i just. i dont know. nothing feels correct or what can be used to describe. nonbinary, female, male, etc just dont. work. i dont see myself in that. i see myself as a mass of flesh n bone n blood who lives and creates n thats about it. sometimes even that view is hard to realize and be at home with.

also my ideal body is the ken doll. nothing 👍 that dude has Nothing n i WISH that was me

im not sure if this is because of growing up the way i did, bein neurodivergent, the internet or whatever else but thats how things went so now im here with a weird outlook on myself or what have you. simply, i just done feel real a lot. like i Know im real, factually, i know that i live, that other people percieve me and interact with me n like, i have emotions i have memories i have things its just. sometimes it just feels empty. like watchin a video game of whats supposed to be your life. things r just kind of set out for you and ur doin tasks or whatever. its funny when i like, realize "holy moly this is real! im real!" n like. im just sittin there driving or whatever. i HEART driving btw. good stuff. there was a hot second in time where i didnt like lookin in the mirror cause i felt like the person staring back was Not Me. uncomfortable fr fr! shout out to that dream i had where me and myself (2 of me) where in like, the bathtub and we fought. like i fought myself and like. tried to drown myself but like in beautiful dream magic it didnt hurt it didnt feel like anything it was just Happening. i think about this dream a lot.

i think there is One Cool Plus about bein weird n kind of disconnected from urself n that is: i LOVE playing dress up. i love wearing cool n epic clothes. like yes ough. body... i wish it was something else but also, these clothes i have look good on it. its a good body, it has some problems that surgeries can help later down the line but not perfect but yea. i like feeling pretty or handsome or whatever in clothes. i think fashion is epic. i think the same about makeup. i enjoy just treatin myself like a paperdoll and just looking Cool. same goes for tattoos. ive gotten 4 of them n i love them, and i have plans for more. its just. i think despite it all, customizing ur character model is like. the coolest shit ever. it helps i think too, in a way of like "dude... i Am cool" or whatever. idk. explosion.jpg on my MIND

[naggingatlas]

me and my friend are both nb and once talked about our confusions growing up. and i remember them saying something along the lines of "being nonbinary and treating that as something groundbreaking while also. you know. being latino. is weird, because thats... how white people viewed me either way? i had a stache and arm hair in elementary. to them i was never a girl nor a dude. just a brown fat thing".

its the dehumanization. at a very early age. a girl doesn't have dark skin. a girl isnt too long, too wide, too heavy. a girl is interested in these things only. a girl can see and walk and hear and talk. a girl has friends. a girl isnt weird.

and then youre born a weird girl. a black or brown girl, a fat girl, a disabled girl, physically or mentally. and you're still very much expected to follow the rules of girlhood, it says so on your documents, you have to and you shall. but youre deranged if you think that they'll let you have the rights of a little girl, the few delights of it, the butterflies and cream of it. a let-off for a fault. a compliment without a leer or pity. a gaudy friendship bracelet made with six hands at a sleepover. you can only dream.

but you can only only dream for so long, before it hurts too much and you push it all away, the bad and the good, every dream and butterfly hairclip shoved into a shoebox and buried in the backyard.

and you plough through middle school in hoodies and a bob if your parents are lenient, you muffle the endings of your verbs and adjectives, stealing a vowel whenever you can, you make a secret account that your classmates and family will never find.

and in the evenings you look at pictures of men in dresses. forums they write. a "she", "она", and that stolen vowel here and there.

and they're so beautiful.

and you draw a boy (?) in a dress. a character from a cartoon, or a comic, or your brain. over. and over.

you hear a song from a band that a decade later everyone will find annoying and they use the f word sometimes. you learn the lyrics by heart. and you draw yourself. on the same page. in a suit, with a moustache and a flat chest. and high heels. and fishnets. and the suit becomes a bodysuit. and you keep the stache and you don't add a chest. and you're beautiful too.

"i wish i were a man so i could dress like a woman"

you go on like that for 7 more years.

and then you dig up the shoebox. and you say a prayer for every woman from that forum. and you say a prayer for every electronic musician whose f word you've put through ytmp3. and you say a prayer for every weird girl who's born in that moment and who had been born since the dawn of time.

and you open the shoebox and put on the butterfly hairclip.

and your tits are 4 sizes bigger from the risperidone. and you don't hide them at all.

its fighting to be allowed to be a woman. because you want to be one. and a bajillion other reasons i guess. despite what society presents as an idea of a woman. despite there maybe not needing to be one.

i dont articulate myself well. i cant win arguments with radfems, im not rational, im schizo. i rely on abstractions and vague sensations. but it makes me happy. trans girls make me happy. please exist.

thinking about how i relate to transfem experiences more than to any other trans and gnc ones and how freeing it is to realize that again after being in close proximity to a radfem for a long time and how i will never stop loving my trans sisters. ever.

[littlebabycrybtch]

idk alls i gotta say is as a nonbinary and pan person, the anti pan rhetoric is literally becoming biphobic and transphobic. like. the ugly ‘hearts not parts’ thing was baddd and ppl Need to learn their lgbt+ history but. there are just some really flawed ideas being spun around here that are literally falling under the Same problematic ideas that started the debate in the first place lmao. 

first off, the concept of pan is Not just the default ‘good way to do sexuality’, so please stop saying every other orientation already ‘inherently’ includes nonbinary genders. they can include nonbinary. they dont have to for each person, which is why the distinction can be important, and why pan as a label should Also exist. ‘nonbinary’ is a Gigantic gender spectrum and is separate from male and female, so to be blunt about it ig, Stop reducing attraction to our identities to ally points. treating it like its different from attraction to male or female (ie smth you can choose) isnt progressive. stop saying that pans bad bc if somebody wouldnt date us bc of their sexuality they’re a transphobe. you literally dont have to find my gender expression personally attractive to support my human rights lmfao. rejection towards trans people and the violence of it is definitely a bigger problem imho, but im not just gonna,,, brush off and ignore how its downright dehumanizing and fetishy that people keep trying to push the Opposing idea where you have to like us too or your sexuality isnt valid tm like??? clarifying that bi and pan are interchangeable is fine, but yall Need to remember to support bi ppl when it really DOES mean ‘two’ for them, or you’re biphobic and literally feeding into the demonizing bi = transphobe propaganda. if you believe people attracted to ‘’’’just’’’’ male and female are being bad bisexuals that should ~open their mind~ to include me, ik you have good intentions for us but you’re furthering biphobia for the sake of ‘trans activism’, which is actually just. invalidating and equating nonbinary to sexy androgyny or a different flavor of male or female so its universally attractive or w/e, which is extremely��harmful for us. all you’re doing is throwing many bi people under the bus AND treating nonbinary ppl like sex dolls when you say things like ‘pan is wrong bc bi people are already Supposed to be into nonbinary people!! >:(’ like. this is perpetuating the arguments you all claim to find offensive from pans. who are you trying to help here

[intersexfairy]

People shit on the split attraction model not just because they dont understand it, but also because aspec people theorized it. They don't see aspec people as inherently LGBT+, so they think this creation we made in our community is not only bullshit, but a threat to Real LGBT+ people... That if Real LGBTQ+ people are taking on this thing that the Acies UwU made, they must be fake and problematic too.

These people oftentimes see aspec validation as a threat to their own validation (due to wanting cisheterosexist society's approval). So anyone engaging in the split attraction model who isn't aspec must also be a threat to their validation.

This is to say that the split attraction model, something that is actually an incredibly valuable tool for both allo and aspec people, something that has the capacity to express sexuality and romantic orientation in a way unlike before... Has been delegitimatized, ridiculed, and blacklisted... Because the people who are claiming other people have internalized lgbtphobia are actually just projecting their insecurities - their internalized lgbtphobia. Like, you cannot sit here and tell me that so desperately wanting cishet approval to the point of harassing and cancelling your peers isn't projecting internalized lgbtphobia.

And now we all have to pay for their mishandling of their own emotions, because this sentiment is so fucking pervasive in the community. It isn't just the split attraction model.

It's everything. It's nondysphoric trans people. It's mspec gays and lesbians. It's nonbinary people. It's xenogender people. It's pansexual people. It's bisexual people. It's people who use neopronouns. It's transfeminines who are gay for men and transmasculine lesbians. It's gender nonconforming trans people. It's unlabeled and queer people. It's people who are still traumatized by the word queer being used against them as a slur.

We are letting eating ourselves alive trying to make ourselves understandable and acceptable to cishet allo people, instead of doing what genuinely makes us happy and identifying as who we are. Hurting ourselves in confusion, if you will.

And I know there are real tangible reasons for this, a lot of which isn't within our control, at least not easily. But we do have control over ourselves and our actions - we can learn to better better if we try.

There is simply no excuse for harming people. Bullying people out of their safe spaces. Making people recloset themselves. Making people hate themselves. These things all contribute to the high suicide rate in the LGBT+ community. Afterall, what's worse than having the people who are supposed to be your allies, fight for you, and support you... fucking hate you, tell you to die, tell you you're a horrible person, tell you you're not really LGBT+?

Those of you who are always viewing other LGBT+ people critically, especially those of you who harass others, need to take that criticism and look in the mirror. Ask yourself if you're happy. Ask yourself if you're doing this for people's wellbeing or for cishet allo approval. Ask yourself if you're putting more negativity into the community than your adding. Ask yourself if it would be a better use of your time to add positivity to your life and others instead of hurting already vulnerable strangers on the internet.

And be. Fucking. Honest.

[redheadbigshoes]

bi 'lesbian' truthers are ignorant to their irony, their ideas are wrought with hypocritical sentiments. i see so much shit they spout that contradicts within a sentence or within their own community of supporters and go; ''well which is it? what do you believe? do you believe trans men are men or that they are women? do you believe the trans & nonbinary lesbians who call you out you are calling are vile, violent terfs or do you not even know what that word means anymore? do you truly believe the transphobic & lesbophobic notion that trans & nonbinary lesbians arent included by the definition of lesbian alone? how long will you ignore the rampant comphet problem in the identity of bi 'lesbian' and the hurt bisexuals and lesbians struggling to come to terms with their identities, comphet, and internalized lesbophobia & biphobia, suffer through? when will you recognize the way your radinclus movement's language and way of speaking, is horrifyingly mirrored in the way the GC cult speaks, just painted with a different radical ideology? when will you hold your "good faith" radinclus community responsible for the trans/nb/lesbian/bi phobia and harm you have directly done to trans/nonbinary/lesbian/bisexual people, and the greenlight and motivation your community has given to even more extreme concepts like ''transrace''/''transage''/''MAP''/''consang''/''paraphilia'' radical inclusion in the LGBTQ+? when will you address the misogyny, especially transmisogyny in your ideals? you love to call lesbians terfs for speaking out against this, but when will you listen to the BISEXUALS educating you, and stop pretending they dont exist?'' this and so much more.

honestly the amount of shit on this community of people i have seen over the past few years since coming out, it morbidly fascinates me. id love to do a massive deep dive essay into it at some point because it knows no depths and i feel like many people haven't seen just how deep it goes. ive gotten very good at picking out their dogwhistles because of it. its honestly impressive, their blinding ignorance, to the fact they function so much inter-community system wise, a similar hivemind echo chamber, like the way gc terf's hivemind community functions, and yet have the gall to call everyone else and their lesbian mothers the terfs.

They contradict themselves because not only they’re ignorant, but the term is contradictory. If they actually believed trans men were men they wouldn’t be fighting to include them in lesbianism. The only reason they call lesbians who call them out terfs is because it’s been normalized to use that term to offend lesbians, they’ve normalized so much that I think a lot of people don’t take that term seriously anymore, which is extremely harmful for the trans community because there’s still a lot of actual terfs out there.

At the same time some of them want to include trans men in lesbianism they don’t want to include non-binary people (?). What their brains seem to not understand is that when we say non-binary people are included in lesbianism we’re not including ALL non-binary identities. They ignore comphet and even use gold star lesbian rhetoric to invalidate actual lesbians. They don’t think comphet is real so they think lesbians who’ve struggled with it or who’ve been with men before figuring out their identity are not really lesbians. But at the same time they’re including men in our identity which doesn’t make any sense lol.

They want to be lesbophobic so damn much that they don’t realize by doing that they’re not harming only the lesbian community, they’re being biphobic and transphobic as well.

Something that comforts me is to know those people are chronically online because they know their views are wrong, you don’t see them spreading this shit in real life.

[imeengoldberg]

yall shouldnt be surprised when i can give you a dictionary length book full of just story titles of mlm stories written by cis straight women ive seen not looking for them, but can count on my hands and toes all of the (male character) x male reader stories ive found while looking for them.

its all fun and games until i also tell you, hey, theres even less (girl character) x girl readers, or just wlw stories at all. It’s starting to sound a lot like fetishization. 

im not saying you cant write mlm stories as a cis straight woman- obviously not. part of being a writer is writing stories far from your own personal experience. It’s just like what we call bad representation. those people (very flamboyent gay men specifically) do exist, but they are the only gay men every shown because they fit comfortably into hetero-safe stereoypes.

if you only write mlm stories, and youre not an mlm yourself, and you always have the same heteronormative dynamic (one uwu twink sassy girlboss and the alpha badboy in detention who coUldNt bE gAY, hE plAyS FoOtbAlL anD hAz MeAn GiRlFwIeND- but thats all an act? like geez, just say ur biphobic and ask random gay men to be ur gay best friend??) it just starts to lead me to the conclusion you dont have the queer community in your best interest.

honestly, the fetishization is disgusting. it reinforces already harmful stereotypes. Also, I have never, and I mean NEVER- found a mlm story about a trans man in love with another man that wasnt practically porn without plot, save for one kiribaku fic that i wish i could find again. That definitely does not put us trans men in a wonderful light. we are not to be sexualized for our bodies, and neither us nor mlm should be fetishized for loving.

if youre unsure you can accurately write a queer love story accurately, do not do it. if youre worried at all it will come off bad on the lgbtqia+ community, do not do it. it will not hurt you if it’s bad rep, but it will hurt us.

are you good at writing queer romance as a straight person but notice that you have an odd amount of mlm & straight romance and an abandoned desert for wlw or trans/nonbinary love stories? write some! we really need it!

also, there are not enough people of color in stories in general. i notice that a lot of the time, they’re shoved off as one of the side characters- at most, a best friend. why? well, we know why, its racism, but why in my fanfiction. like, this fanfiction was so good, until i realized every single character was described as a western/eurapean with white skin, when, listen, this is an anime and they’re all japanese, jessica. although it’s not something i can speak in depth about as a very white pasty mf, it’s something ive definately noticed and its very annoying tbh. all these mcs look the same. give me some actual people please.

speaking of actual people!

why are there no chubby mcs? ever? like wtf? i get it, skinny people aesthetic or whatever, but it’s actually so frustrating when every character is a size 0 and an unrealistic representation of average people, despite usually starting out as ‘average’. I’d like to feel good about my stomach instead of comparing it to a paragraph in a fanfiction.

finally, ive gotten to something good! 

wlw stories are finally getting as mainstream as mlm! not there yet, but it makes me smile every time i see a wlw story on my feed cuz it means were getting there :)

all-in-all, this is the reason I stopped reading fanfiction regularly a while ago.

this time two-five years ago, you couldn’t pull me away from the fanfiction. I would read main characters (women) who were only ever ‘tomboy’ enough to fall into a safe view of heteronormativity that I held. I’d never even seen the word transgender until middle school- and because my entire life I was conditioned to believe that that stuff was weird or gross, I rejected it hard.

It took me years to get to where I am, and it was a huge struggle. Not that this is one fanfiction/story writer’s fault. This is an entire community’s fault. I just dont want the next generation of queer, chubby, or poc kids to think they’re weird or lesser than like I did. If it’s something I can help to stop, I will.

So, if I ever write an original story, or original characters into a fic, you bet your ass its gonna be the most realistic representation of the real world i can get into a story. now, fuck jk rowling, and have a good night. au revoir, bitches.

[dickgreyson]

Sure, Pan people who say specifically that they identify as pan to include trans and no people are gross and wrong and clearly didn't do their research in bisexuality and pansexuality and that can definitely hurt the bi community.

But you gotta see how that research and article was clearly biased by already taking participants that identified as pan and now identify as bi. And the only purpose it seems to have is wanting to show that the pansexual identity is somehow wrong and shouldn't exist. And that is hurtful for people who identify as pansexual and also panphobic. Which is why I said that the post is panphobic.

Both identities exist, people choose a label that they feel most comfortable with and have their own reasons for choosing it, there is little to no difference between pan- and bisexuality and I wholeheartedly agree that nobody should say that they're pansexual to include trans and nb people like they're doing them a favour or like they aren't included in the bisexuality identity.

But all that beside, as a gender queer and pansexual person I do see the post and the article as panphobic because of its seemingly only purpose to 'out' the pansexual label as wrong and inherently biphobic, which it absolutely isn't. It just exist and started just like bisexuality and homosexuality and it's also very old.

hey, so i really dont want to get involved with 2014 tumblr discourse, especially since i dont identify as bisexual or pansexual. im more approaching this from the outside looking in, as a non binary person speaking about the ways i would like to be perceived etc etc

research is always biased, papers are always biased, articles are always biased. although in social science we try to minimise this bias, it cant be done and it does not (within reason) negate the usefulness of that data. it's still useful, though it's use may be highly specialised or niche. i feel like this research is highly experiential. surveys are never high quality data, they arent like phd material, but they can be a jumping off point. they are useful, and a nuanced view must be taken when reviewing them.

without having the paper in front of me, i remember the questions being asked were predominately about the experience of bi people since the label of pan has began to grow in main stream relevance. e.g. schits creek and everything else recently, using pan as opposed to bi. this can be a means for people to identify as being attracted to all genders without the baggage of the bi label (being promiscuous, untrustworthy to partners, dirty especially when talking about bi men). to a largely cishet audience, this looks like the pan people are accepting, progressive, fun, and every positive connotation which doesnt then translate to bi people. it also has the effect of defining bi in opposition, because since theyre so similar (in your own words) why wouldnt someone just identify as pan? is it because they arent accepting of trans and nonbinary people? which is a commonly explained difference between the labels by pan people? is it because theyre regressive, and are taking a more conservative view of lgbt politics?

like i said before, i believe that people who identify as pan have been guilty of perpetrating these stereotypes about bi people, within and without the lgbt community. i think its important to listen to what theyre saying about their experience with relation to pan stereotypes which are out in media at the moment.

again, please label yourself however you see fit. i dont believe that you specifically, as someone who identifies as pan, are doing direct or demonstrable harm. but these stereotypes out there at the moment certainly can be harmful. its just important to take a nuanced approach to these issues, as little as they may feel.

[femboty2k]

Long post about something I think about a lot and that doesn’t matter to anyone else but me probably

I’m sure there’s a million posts out there on why good representation is important and good but I just wanted to talk shortly about something that happened to me in a recent span of a few months involving a character in a dumb game about collecting jpegs of anime women and hunky dudes with giant swords.

There’s a game called Granblue Fantasy, its an extremely popular gacha game/JRPG with a very large roster of characters and a lot of stuff to do as far as reading through character lore, fighting JRPG battles, raids, and basically playing VNs for character dialogue. It’s a pretty good game, and one of the coolest things about it, is it has (to my knowledge, I dont play/keep up with it very often) 2 canon trans characters. One is named Cagliostro, an alchemist who was born as a man but through extensive experimentation and some self discovery has since transitioned into a woman, hell bent on making herself as cute as possible. Fun right? She’s presented extremely well and is one of the game’s more fun characters. The second character is one that has become a personal favourite for me for many reasons, her name is Ladiva.

Ladiva is a part of a race of people called the Draph. The Draph are a humanoid, and pretty much human looking, race of people with their defining features being their large stature and bovine like horns and ears. This is important because male draph are usually much larger and more muscular than female draph (but its a horny anime game so who can say they’re surprised lol). Ladiva, as my discussion here makes obvious, is a trans woman belonging to these folk. Because of this, she’s both quite large, muscular(and more masculine presenting on the surface), and has rugged looking facial hair. The surprising thing about her presentation in comparison to how she looks, is that she’s presented incredibly well. despite her appearance being not as feminine as it could be (with Cagliostro even offering to make her a new totally feminine body only to have Ladiva refuse, stating that she should love her own body along with the rest of herself) she’s treated as what she is, a woman.

So why am I talking about this? Why am I putting my poorly put together thoughts on this tumblr post no one will read? Well, I am trans. I have felt a certain way about myself all my life that I’m sure most trans people can echoe so I won’t wast time waxing poetic about how I’ve always felt more feminine than I was “supposed” to be. My core purpose of this post comes from the fact that I am 6′2, nearly 300lbs of muscle/fat/body hair, and have had a full beard since I was 14. I am EXCEEDINGLY masculine, which has made my own internal struggle with my transness sort of difficult to accept. A sort of constant push and pull of wanting to just repress it all because I already pass as a man and wanting to work towards being who I know I actually am. Another factor is that I never felt truly comfortable with purely feminine pronouns. In highschool I went by a different name, and I used she/her pronouns and for a while it felt okay. But it was always just, okay. It never felt right on top of several people giving me some rather hurtful backlash for it and how it contrasted so much with my physical appearance. So I stowed it all away until about a year ago. I now have something that I didn’t have before, a truly wonderful and supportive group of adult friends who treat me like an adult as well and take me seriously. So through careful examination of how I felt i began trying new things to explore my identity. It began with me deciding I wanted to use they/them pronouns, this stuck and still feels like its the right thing for me along with the label of Nonbinary. However, slotting myself into this new label and finally feeling comfortable in an identity brought about new thoughts as well as new things to mull over in my head. Things like the fact that most nonbinary representation in media falls under the same category of a waifish AFAB person who presemts femininely if not androgynous, and how people like me are a vocal minority within the community itself even being excluded by a small portion of it. It was a new set of things to tackle and think about. But that aside, with them came the most important thing I asked myself, “am I comfortable with how I am now? Or do those thoughts I had all those years ago mean something?”

This question isnt easy. Gender is a strange subject and is different to everyone who experiences something with their identity, so I wont pretend like I have any definitive answers for anything because, there arent really any of those. The question for myself, boiled down to “Am I more comfortable identifying as transfeminine, or am I comfortable with just being nonbinary.” This question vexed me for a little while. It hurt to think about. A lifetime of bullying and being made to be ashamed of my body type and stature had made my confidence in myself rather lackluster. This made the decision more difficult. It would be easy to try and own a sense of pride in being a masculine presenting nonbinary person. There aren’t many of those in representation as I mentioned before, and at the time it made me feel nice to think that it was what I wanted. But those thoughts I had all those years ago did mean something, and thats not who I am. The answer I ultimately came to, was that I am trans, and want to present more feminine than masculine, because that’s who I know I am, and not just what I think would be easiest. So, to bring it all together, how the everloving fuck does this relate to a character from a gacha game? Well, when i first saw Ladiva I nearly wrote her off as a character that probably was used as a disrespectful  joke on trans women and how they’re viewed. She’s not though. She has an entire montra of loving herself and others for who they are and owning every aspect of herself, including her body. She’s not a small lady, she’s a large/muscular wrestler who, in no mistake of words, still looks very masculine, right down to her facial hair. But none of that matters, not her appearance, not her beard, not her height, she’s still a woman and she’s seen as one by the others around her because, well, that’s what she is. She makes it known and others accept, or at the very least, respect it. It was something entirely new to see something like this in a form of popular media, and in turn it gave me an odd sense of self confidence in my own current appearance, even though I do intend on changing it through HRT and other means (exercise and other health related means). It meant a lot to me to see someone who was, in at least some way, like me who was loved by the community of the game she was in. And it still does. In conclusion, Ladiva is a very cool character, and her existing gave me a boost of confidence that helped lead me towards accepting things about myself that I had found it hard to previously. Go look into Granblue if you like games like that, there’s even a fighting game that came out not too long ago. Thanks for reading, if you did, this whole post is long and kind of dumb because I’m kind of dumb. But I wanted to put it somewhere. Have a nice day <3