#and it had an interesting premise but then went in a different direction than what i expected

[unproduciblesmackdown]

one in a million when i watch smthing in the horror genre and don't end up disappointed to/and/or pissed off about it so like "also yeah i liked it. ooo" is like relative to that an off the charts rave review of media of the millennium. also i did think about mh a lot along the way so would recommend its affect/effect if you like mh's horror too

[mikimeiko]

Books I read in 2023

Poor Man's Fight - Elliott Kay (2013)

[vxnuslogy]

– jealous charms.

pairing: wise x gn!reader

premise: when jealous, wise had an interesting habit of trying to outdo whoever caught your attention. he needn't worry though, he'll still be your favorite forever.

– warnings: none

– author's note: another filler fic until i finish that one sunday fic that i've been marinating for 2 days now. | ~1.7k words.

“master, is it safe to conclude that you’re jealous of miss grace howards from belobog industries? you’ve been awfully engrossed in trying to replicate her creation for [name].”

a loud clatter echoed in the room as the pair of pliers in wise’s hand suddenly dropped to his work table. your head darts to wise’s hunched figure. his back was awfully straight and shoulders tensed as you raised an amused brow at him when he stood up from his seat and marched his way to fairy. muttering quiet curses as the bangboo on your lap tilted its head at him.

“is that why you’ve been glaring at her whenever we visit the construction site?” you questioned with a teasing tone. wise swiveled his head to your direction and narrowed his gentle eyes at you but you only let out an amused snort. he looked more like a wet cat than a big shot proxy with the way his cheeks burned red all the way to the tips of his ears. the color could probably rival the red tassel earring you gave him last year on chinese new years.

“firstly, i am not jealous–”

“i would beg to differ, master.”

“second!” wise turned to fairy, a hand to his hip while the other ran down his face, voice raising slightly as he tried to rid off the flustered tint on his cheeks. “if i were to be jealous of someone, it wouldn’t be grace.”

“will mister anton from belobog industries be the next candidate?” the ai quipped at him making the gray haired boy groan in frustration.

a laugh rippled from your chest as wise pouted and begrudgingly went back to his work station. but not before narrowing his eyes one last time at a glowing blue eyeball (?) that was fairy.

“aww wise it’s okay,” you gently place the bangboo down on the floor and make your way to wise. trying your hardest to take a peek at whatever he’s been working on. or at least get confirmation that he was actually making what you thought he was making. “everyone gets jealous sometimes.”

wise didn’t appreciate your teasing remark because he rolled his eyes at you and threw a piece of paper at your face. “seeing as though you’re not doing anything, do me a favor and pick up some more films for the store.”

it was your turn to pout. “jealousy doesn’t suit you at all, wise.”

with a sigh, you reluctantly left the room when he raised a brow at you with a smirk tugging at his lips. you hated how such a small quirk up of his lips melted all of your teasing. but then again, when it comes to anything related to wise you didn’t put up too much of a fight, no matter what it was.

– –

wise was not jealous. he repeatedly reminded himself of those words like a broken record. reciting it like a mantra in his head as he continued to bend and break the pieces of metal in front of him.

“master, now that the subject of your affection is gone, will you finally admit to being jealous?”

fairy’s words sent a shiver down his spine, silently thanking belle and you for going out to the arcade and prolonging your inevitable return even more. if either one of you heard fairy, he wouldn’t be able to live it down. a defeated sigh left his lips when he dropped his tools and buried his head in his arms.

“fairy, please just shut up.” wise’s voice was no more than a muffled plea as fairy continued to torment him.

“but all the data i’ve collected all share the same conclusion: you are jealous master.”

wise turned his head to their hdd system that glowed blue as fairy’s avatar floated. “okay so maybe i am a little jealous.” 

“but why, master?” wise felt an oncoming headache approach as fairy listed out the reason why he shouldn’t be jealous. “hollow raider [name] has made it clear on many occasions that they favor you the most. their sudden interest in miss grace howards cannot compare to their interest in you.”

wise knew that but it still didn’t feel right to him. with a groan he dropped his head back on the desk, his free hand coming to inspect the silver band he’s been working on for the past few weeks. “you’re making me feel stupid here, fairy.” an uncharacteristic pout graced his lips when he remembered how your eyes shined like bright diamonds when grace showed you her newest invention.

“it’ll help you in the hollows!” she had proudly proclaimed. and ever since that day, you’ve been wearing the bracelet that doubled as a tracker for both your health and your position to every mission you took on. wise felt the pricks of jealousy whenever you praised the older woman with a dazzling grin and an excited “it was very helpful!”

“i’m also helpful.” he muttered to no one in particular. 

“of course you are! you’re my proxy after all.”

wise felt his heart lurch out his chest as he hurried hid the band inside his hand when you appeared in the room. like a deer caught in headlights, he stiffly smiled at you. “w-when did you get back…?” he cooly asked, or at least he hoped it sounded cool enough for you to brush off whatever you heard.

with your hands behind your back, you stalked your way to his desk. “just a moment ago. belle is shelving all the new films now.” you lean in closer to wise’s space, trying for the second time to catch a glimpse at whatever it was he was working on. a tentative smile forming on your face when you ask him, “will you finally show me what you’re making? i won’t laugh, i promise.”

you certainly wouldn’t laugh, but you would tease him relentlessly. a final sigh escaped him as he leaned back on his seat and opened up the hand that hid his creation. “it’s… really nothing.” his voice was unusually timid when you walked over to his desk and took a peak. being in such close proximity with you has his poor heart and mind swimming. you wore perfume today and it was all wise could think about as you gingerly pick up the silver band.

“you need to give yourself more credit, wise.” 

this wasn’t good. if you continued to look at him like that he would surely melt into a puddle, and that would be incredibly embarrassing. a smile broke out from your face as you unclipped grace’s wristband and put wise’s creation on your wrist.

“does it have any functions?” wise has always enjoyed your curious nature. sure, it got you in trouble most of the time, but he found it incredibly endearing. he shook his head and opened up the closest drawer and pulled out a matching band several sizes smaller. “not any advanced ones, not yet at least.”

wise stood up from his seat and picked up the bangboo peacefully dozing off in one of the corners. taking its small arm gently, he slid the band over and glowed a soft white. the same thing happened to the one you wore and wise swore he felt his heart skip a few beats when you looked at him with big eyes filled with wonder.

“but it can accurately track your ether aptitude and send me an emergency message when you’re reaching your limit,” picking up the bangboo in his arms, wise made his way back to his desk and placed the little creature on it. “it’s still a work in progress, but i hope it’ll eventually be able to map out full hollows without much trouble.” 

your silence made wise nervous. you were never this quiet and he didn’t dare to look at you. that is until he felt a pair of arms wrap around his head and the scent of your perfume invading his senses. his breath started to quicken as you nuzzled your face into his hair, hands resting on his shoulders. wise felt his entire body tingle when your chuckle vibrated through his entire body and left a fuzzy feeling in his chest, a swarm of freed butterflies fluttering inside his stomach when you pulled away. warm hands holding both of his cheeks that were no doubt burning a bright red.

“did you make this for me?” wise didn’t like the way your eyes crinkled into amused crescents. “or did you just want to outstage miss grace?” he heard your laugh ring out when he turned his head to the side and murmured a soft maybe into your palm.

“god you’re so cute you know that?” a wide smile spread across your face as you smothered the boy into another hug. “don’t worry, no one could ever replace my proxy.”

wise wasn’t a physically affectionate person, not by a lot at least. but right now when he feels your laughter so close to his heart, he can’t help but wish to stay in your embrace. his arms slowly snaked to wrap around your waist and pull you closer, wanting to hug you like how your skin hugs the bones that make up your entirety. how lovely it must be to live inside your heart, to feel every beat pulsing through him as he listens to your heartbeat. slightly erratic but still calm, so unlike his that was beating so rapidly he feared it might escape his ribs and offer itself to you. 

“maybe i was a little jealous.” he didn’t know what urged him to say that but the laughter it stole from you made him smile like a fool. wise would stay jealous forever if you would hug him like this every time to assure him that he was still your favorite form of protection.

“thank you for always caring about me, wise.” there was such vulnerability in your voice that made wise tremble in your hold. all he could offer was a hum as he buried his head further into your chest making you chuckle. if only you knew the lengths he would go to just to keep you glued to his side, away from all harm and danger.

© vxnuslogy 2024. do not plagiarize, repost, or translate any of my works without my knowledge or consent in other platforms or websites.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I'm Muddled, there is SO MUCH on, but also I have FEELS

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

July 2024 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 11 of 12 - Yak is such a demanding babygirl princess type. It’s kinda hilarious in a fierce boxer dude. I do adore the core brother friendship in this show. It’s so sweet. Also I guess Yak is out OUT now, on TV and everything. 

YES PLEASE GMMTV!!! This ship! Sail it!!!!

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) eps 4-6 of 12? - So it started out as a relatively simple sports romance: first love, separation, reunion. But then just went entirely off the rails: gay mafia orgies, kidnapping, druggie ex teammates with knives, I am Spartacus. All erratic Thai pulp mumbo-jumbo aside? MeenPing are doing great in these roles. Zen's hurt confusion, Ryu’s struggle with internalized homophobia that keeps hurting Zen as much as him. 

Am I wrong to ship FrankPing Just a little bit? I only wanna see them kiss. It’s not asking too much, is it? 

Not sure what’s going on with Gaga and their "ep 6 of 6" thing. Or why they bundle-aired them. Did they just get the rights for the first half? Where is the rest?  

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 5 of 12 - I always end my Saturday with these 2 simply because I love this pair. I also enjoy the show. It’s sweet and I giggle a lot. I like that they’re dressing (and letting) Lin be a bit femmey - with his pussycat bows, coco bag, and little heels. I’m not sure about the pet names but I’ll accept them if I must.

My Stand-In (iQIYI) ep 12 fin - I would like to watch an entire show about the older brother boss and his hot secretary. Bit of a bully romance? Please & thank you?

This was a good solid ending, less predictable than I expected, which I appreciat. I liked that they had a full conversation about forgiveness. But overall, I am left in a muddle.

The show itself? A summation? Oof, here we go...

Adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KinnPorsche. Stuntman Joe dies on the job and wakes up in the body of another Joe with an entirely different life. But Joe just starts repeating the mistakes of his previous self - love, work, play. I enjoyed the experience of watching this show, I looked forward to it every week. I thought everybody did a great job with it and in it, and I liked that is was something substantially *different* for Thai BL. But I’m not sure I'll rewatch it or if it's bingeable. It left me feeling more sanguine than happy. Is there, objectively, anything wrong with it? No. But am I in love with it? No. I think that rests on the central characters, Ming in particular. I never liked him or warmed to them as a couple. I spent most of this show just very very sorry for poor Joe. Thus I was never rooting for their romance. I would recommend it, if you enjoy your BL more cerebral, with complicated unlikable love interests, and a downtrodden sympathetic lead. Is it, perhaps, more JBL that ThBL? Am I biased because it's a Thai production and I had expectations? What magical carnage could Japan have done with this IP? I'm left with questions, but I'm ultimately glad I watched this.

All this means that this show should, by all my own standards, get at 9/ 10. But I'm giving it an 8/10. So there.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 15 of 16 - It really is the antidote to Friend Zone. Like GMMTV just set out to make a nice little show about nice boys being very nice and kissing each other nicely. And it makes me very happy.

Century of Love (Weds Gaga) eps 1-2 of 10 - DaouOffroad are back, this time as fated mates in a quasi historical paranormal moment. Very much Director Who Buys Me Dinner meets First Love Again, hopefully better than both. I love this pair and think they can handle the premise, it's whether the storytelling is up to the challenge.

So far? I like it a lot. I love it when Thailand gets all up in its own historical business and reincarnation and bullshit like that. I’ve always liked this pair too (it’s not their fault I didn’t enjoy most of their first series.) Daou’s wushu is pretty snazzy. We got a fun meet cute. (Erm... Remeet cute? Meet cute 2.0?) And this is a very PRETTY show. With more comedy than I was expecting.

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 2 of 8 - I like the friendships, but so far I’m not sold on the personalities of the main couple. Of course I love the pair, and I know they can handle it, but I hope the story justifies their chemistry.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 6 of 12 - They are so damn teen dramatic and over-the-top. To have really played into the impact of the counselor character's original casting, they should’ve had Krist play the role! (GET IT?) That’d be ridiculously ironic. Not that I object to GMMTVs #1 Daddy Papang. Never that. 

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 2 of 12 - Ah ha, I figured it out. This reminds me of The Devil Wears Prada. I’m finding most of the rest of the interns too caricature and thus annoying. But I’m still liking this more than I expected. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 5 of 10 - The bullying GL subplot is just bad. And I’m getting an overall squick from the fact that the two rich privileged characters are essentially taking advantage of the two lower class poor characters. Trash watch here.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 8 of 12 - I’m coming around to Almond + Latte, but I’m not super sold on any of the other plot lines.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - It’s still good and it’s still sticking relatively closely to the mango. So I’m still enjoying it.

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - I just don’t really like the dynamic of the younger, poor, country kid desperately chasing the older hot boy. It’s a bit too desperate or something. It’d be different if Takara were a nicer person, but he doesn’t have much going for him but a pretty face.

It's airing but...

Meet You at the Blossom

In case you missed it

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - It's ended. Should I watch it? right now 1 vote for and 1 vote against.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) - Got bumped to Aug 2. Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

July Releases to Come

7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds WeTV) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save hime.

7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great is a university student from Faculty of Business and the son of a wealthy business owner. Out of the blue, he gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: that premise! Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Such a Best Boy, not leaving his drink behind!

YES please.

Follow me here... these 2 in the Thai BL version of Tein Bromance X, which is to say: Mean assassin meets and falls HARD for snarky school teacher, they adopt a kid together. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO WATCH IT.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[vampire-exgirlfriend]

You guys, what the fuck is up with the increase in stealing and plagiarising in this fandom lately? When did that become a thing that was okay to do?

The first time I was flat out plagiarized was almost four years ago in a different fandom. A well known author in that fandom took the first paragraph of a short one shot, one of the first things I’d ever posted and that I was incredibly proud of, switched a few words, and then used it as the summary for their slightly longer fic. They then went on to steal the premise of my ficlet and just…make it longer. This was brought up in a discord server a friend of mine was in that I wasn’t and the general consensus was “who would believe you? You’re nobody.” So I kept my mouth shut and I deleted my fic because seeing it made me feel like shit. Something similar then happened to a friend of mine with the titles of her fics being stolen, flat out and word for word, for the same characters. And again it was “no one will believe you.”

We shut up. We stuck it out. And then when it kept happening, to us and to others, we left that fandom.

I was so, so excited when HotD aired. I was back in my ASOIAF phase that had never actually ended. It was a new opportunity to make friends with common interests and my writing improved so much because of how passionate about the canon material I was. I have made some of the most incredible friends, like life-long, stay up all night talking, come to my house or let’s hang out when you’re in my state/country kind of friends. It’s pretty amazing. But this fandom is a whole different beast than any other I’ve been involved with. I have no idea if it’s the general age of the fandom, or the lack of prior fandom experience, or what us old people call the “tiktokifcation of fandom.” But it’s different. And while that’s usually a good thing, there are so many times when this has been awful. There is a huge lack of accountability here. People are stealing things. And the weirdest part is, they don’t care! It is plagiarism to have someone else's story opened while you write yours so that you can tone match the other writer. It is plagiarism to take people’s well thought out ideas and then use them beat for beat. I get it, it’s fic, nothing is wholly original, we are going to see idea recycling! That’s just fandom. But to model your entire story off of someone else’s is heinous. And it’s wrong. And this literally just happened to a very good friend of mine. When she mentioned she was uncomfortable with it and had blocked the person who did this, someone she considered a level headed mutual (who has recently admitted to plagiarising someone else themselves, mind you) told her that she was just drama baiting and didn’t have the right to be upset. The same thing happened to me with a now deleted creator who told me that she dragged me in her discord server and that her friends (all big name creators would essentially “black list me” for saying anything).

It’s not dramatic to not be okay with your work being stolen! This is a normal fucking reaction. In trad publishing or academia, this shit gets you banned, expelled, etc. It can ruin your life.

I received a slew of anons recently asking for help with graphic making and editing. And I was so excited about them. That shit is fun for me. We chatted for a while, with them on anon, and that was that. Until I got an anon letting me know that the person I was talking with was someone who had stolen ideas and storylines from me and other creators. So I looked, I asked friends to look, and the consensus was “yeah, this is fucking plagiarism, and it’s weird.” All of the edit stuff she’d asked about was used on an edit that was a direct rip off of my own. But I elected to not make a thing of it, to ignore it, to wash my hands of it because of the weird fucking trend of calling out theivery being labeled as drama baiting. And I didn’t want that, not after I had genuinely made the mistake of thinking that someone had stolen an idea from me when they hadn’t (calm down, we’re really close friends now). This person deleted their old blog and so I thought it was over. And then yesterday I got a dm from this new blog I didn’t even know existed accusing me of sending them harassing anons.

A blog, who had stolen from me and at least four other people, who had reached out to me on anon for help and ideas, that at this point I didn’t even know existed anymore, said they knew I was sending hateful anons accusing them of theft. I wasn’t, of course, because I had no idea they even existed, and it made no sense that I would even know they’d created another blog. I only found out about their new blog when they dm’d me from it. But they had obviously done this to enough people that they were now getting called out on it.

You guys, we have to fucking stop acting like this. This fandom needs to stop stealing from each other and eating our own. And if someone brings up that they’ve had an idea stolen, we need to take them seriously instead of insinuating they’re only attempting to cause drama. Stop sending people unhinged anons because you feel like you’re guilty of lifting from another creator and just work on creating something original. Writing is hard. Giffing and making edits is fucking hard. And no, nothing will ever be 100% original, that’s just impossible at this point, but stop fucking taking things that aren’t yours and claming them as your own. Do better. Grow up.

[difeisheng]

actually quite fascinated by 《灿烂的花园 | Brilliant Garden》 because it doesn't really feel like an easy variety show to pitch or market. there's no competition or challenge premise, and all the activities feel organically self-directed by the cast/guests— there's quite a lot of open discussion and simply walking about this beautiful garden property Zhang Songwen wanted to have. based on producer comments, it seems they essentially let him run wild with the budget of a variety show, and he could do nearly whatever he wanted. ZSW has kind of turned it into a little retreat/camp for the rest of the cast, where they can reflect and talk with one another, and through that have opportunities to improve on their acting. there's actors invited from different stages of their careers for that reason, i think.

(in particular ZSW is concerned with Ma Jiaqi and making sure he gets some good life experiences out of this; he'd said to the others earlier that Xiaoma went right into the industry after graduating university (plus he'd debuted before then), and probably hadn't had a lot of time to slow down and actively learn. the intergenerational concern is very sweet to see.)

i'm still on-and-off working through the show itself, but the most interesting clips i've seen are the improv exercises ZSW spontaneously calls for. he'll assign characters to people, explain a basic premise, point out a few objects nearby as relevant props, and then call Action (for example, here's one with Zeng Shunxi and Ma Jiaqi). i LOVE seeing professional actors snap into character within moments and see what choices they make, and i think the cast does enjoy it too, both during these exercises and on the show as a whole. it's a slow, meandering little thing, but i'm having more fun with it than i thought i'd be.

[apathetic-dry-rot]

Wilting Nerium- Chapter 3: Sex, Drugs, Ect.

Lawrence Oleander x AFAB!GN!Reader

CW/TW: Mild smut, drug consumption, panic attack, wlw-coded, hallucinations, mentions of marijuana and alcohol consumption (Not by reader)

Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Disclaimer: I do not condone any of the content in this fanfic or game in real life!

Lawrence Oleander belongs to Gatobob

NOW PLAYING: Sex, Drugs, Ect. by Beach Weather

The only bad thing about working at a nature reserve is once you’ve been left to die in the woods, you kinda get a bit anxious when in a forest. However, I knew these woods. These were my woods. I don’t have anything to fear at work.

Work is the one place where I’m truly safe.

The readjustment was a bit difficult, but I needed to get back to my job, for both the money, and the fact that if I didn’t, I was gonna go fucking crazy.

It was a relatively simple job, but I’d been doing it for years, so of course it’d be simple to me. I was in charge of checking up on all of our tagged wildlife and making sure that none had gotten killed by hunters or poachers.

It was a soothing routine, but as per usual in my life nowadays, there was something different.

One of our stags had been attacked. By something much larger than anything we had on the premises, and it’s highly unlikely that any predator from outside the reserve wandered in and went for the stag itself.

“Something got Milo?”

Milo was one of the four stags we had at the reserve, and the most docile, which makes the whole situation even more weird.

“Yeah. Uh, whatever it was was pretty big. Bigger than anything that uh, we’ve got here.”

Lola was a nice coworker, on the shorter side with short, poofy auburn curls- almost like an afro, and had wide, light brown doe eyes. Also her smile was entirely too bright and she had a short temper, but she loved the animals and never pressured me into talking or anything, so she was good in my book.

She let out a melancholy sigh, running a thin hand through her boingy curls.

He’d never go after someone like her, she’s far too intimidating for him, and-

Stop. You’re at work. This is the only safe space left.

“Down to three, then, I guess. How unfortunate.”

The frown wrinkled her face in all the wrong ways. It looked unnatural on her.

Luckily, she quickly ‘turned that frown upside down’ and grinned at me, not much different than a cheshire cat.

That smile was almost as unsettling as her frowning.

My name slid off her tongue slyly, she was planning something. She wanted something from me.

“Hey, I’m throwing a party this weekend, if you’re interested.”

I must’ve not been hiding my emotions that well on my face because she scrambled to convince me.

“It’s gonna be super small, just a few coworkers and some of my friends, no more than like, I don’t know, thirty people, maximum. If that, even, I swear. Just stop by for like, half an hour and you can leave whenever you want, I just…”

She sighed softly, her face filling with concern. I know where this is going.

“I was hoping to get you some fresh air, in a more societal setting after, y’know,” she gestured slightly at me, her eyes trailing the visible scars on my neck, face, and arms; “Everything you’ve been through.”

I exhaled deeply, rubbing my wrists.

“I’m not sure, Lola.”

I don’t know what she was thinking, I couldn’t look straight at her, like she was the sun, it was hard to look anywhere near her general direction.

“Please, just for a little while, you don’t have to stay for long, I swear to you.”

Awkward silence filled the air as I discreetly shuffled towards the door and shifted my weight back and forth on my legs. My hand held the doorknob tightly, knuckles white and twisting the cold metal.

“I’ll… I’ll think about it.”

She beamed, I didn’t even have to look at her to know it, I could feel her overjoyed grin radiating sunlight throughout the room.

“Yes! Sounds great!”

I furrowed my brows and glared slightly at her tiny button nose, not looking her in the eye.

“No promises, though, okay?” She practically pirouetted past me, giving my shoulder a light pat as she went by.

“I’ll be looking forward to it!”

At least Lola was right about the size of the house party being small, but this place absolutely reeked.

Of weed. And other drugs.

I’d worn simple clothes: a black tanktop, light blue high waisted jeans, my old black Doc Martins, a green flannel. Enough to not look like a hobo, not too much so I’d look like an overachiever.

It wasn’t too loud inside either, just some 80’s rock playlist playing for ambience in the background, humming of chatter in different rooms as people mingled with one another.

And here I was, alone.

I knew this was a horrible idea. I should’ve just stayed home.

I sort of just stood there for a few minutes before making my way into the kitchen, where I walked through an almost heavenly cloud of marujuana smoke lingering in the air.

“Hey there, stranger!”

I nearly jumped all the way out of my skin as a hand clasped around my left shoulder and tugged me into the side of a girl a bit taller than me.

Her physique was lean and slightly muscular, with a strong jaw and sharp nose, her eyes mismatched colors of olive green and honey brown, with a light dusting of freckles adorning her cheeks, and long golden blonde hair reaching to her waist.

Aka, REALLY FUCKING PRETTY.

Oh, shit I’m staring-

“Oh, uh, hi. Sorry.”

She laughed, soft and sweet and I could feel the heat rising to my face because ohhhh myyyyy god, she’s so gorgeous and her laugh is perfect and adorable and-

Her hand landed on my shoulder giving it a small squeeze.

“My name’s Aiden.”

I cleared my throat and held my hand out in greeting.

Do people even do handshakes anymore? I mean like, it’s 2023-

She shook my hand gently, and I wanted to collapse.

Oh fuck, my name. Dumbass you’re introducing yourself, you need to tell her your fucking name.

“Uh, I’m-”

I could hear my name being called from the living room, causing me to freeze in my spot, Aiden and I both turning to the source- Lola- her strong and lightly calloused hand not leaving mine.

I repeated my name slowly, smiling awkwardly. “Yeah, that's… that's me.”

Lola looked between the two of us as she approached, gasping excitedly and gesturing at Aiden and I in a wild fashion.

“Oh my goshhhh! You guys are getting alongggg! That's so totally fucking awesome, my besties are befriending each otherrr!”

She's high as shit. Probably drunk, too. I mean, it is her house, she has every right to get crossfaded if she wants. 

Aiden let out a noise of realization, squeezing my hand and patting it lightly with her other hand, grinning wider before releasing my- probably sweaty- palm from her grip.

“So you're the coworker from the reservation that I've heard so much about? It's so good to finally put a face to a name!”

I let out a nervous laugh before nodding with a small ‘yeah.’

Lola dragged us off, parading us around the house, encouraging me to open up to a few people, and no one was sober enough to recognize me.

Which was actually a huge relief that helped me talk to them. They couldn't pity me if they didn't even know who I was.

Intoxicated people are funny.

At some point I had been offered a sort of gray-brown, shriveled up lump, causing me to turn to Lola, who was next to me on her sofa, Aiden resting her legs on my lap lazily.

“What… is this?”

Lola giggled slightly.

“It’s shrooms, y’know?”

I hummed, rolling it around on my hand while debating.

“If you don’t wanna like, eat it, you could brew it into a tea, I think.”

A shiver crawled along my spine, the scar on my neck tingling, and I shot the brunette an uneasy smile.

“I’ll just eat it the normal way, thanks.”

She laughed, lightly hitting my shoulder as I put the mass in my mouth, my face scrunching up at the odd taste, making Aiden chuckle in amusement.

I coughed after it went down, the blonde reaching onto the floor next to her, handing me her water bottle for me to take, my name falling from her mouth like a small blessing.

“Here, to wash it down.”

I took it from her, our fingers brushing slightly, making me melt inside at the smoothness of her hand against mine, finally taking a gulp from the plastic Dasani bottle.

It tasted oddly familiar.

I shook the thought away, this was neither the time nor the place to be thinking about him.

I’m at a party, not a therapy session.

I turned to Aiden, my hands absentmindedly rubbing her shins.

“How long does this shit typically take to kick in?”

She shrugged, her perfect face serene, hair falling over her shoulders.

“Dunno, usually ‘bout half an hour. Varies from person to person.”

I let out a hum and nodded, zoning out at the sound of her voice.

Closing my eyes and leaning back, I sighed and picked off the loose hairs I felt on her pants.

After a while, things felt, wobbly.

It felt laggy, like a video game.

I opened my eyes slowly, looking around at my surroundings.

Everything was in slow motion. Lola was gone.

It was just me and Aiden in the room.

Alone.

She mumbled as she sat up and tucked her legs underneath her, placing her hand on my shoulder.

“Huh…?”

She leaned towards me, I could see all the freckles dusting her cheekbones and nose.

“I said you look confused. You okay?”

My eyelids drooped, her soft breath against my ear warming up my neck and face.

“I… think so.”

She feels so soft, like velvet.

“Your hands are pretty, y’know.”

She giggled, and I felt my temperature rise a few degrees.

“Yeah, well your face is pretty.”

My eyes snapped up to meet hers, her face only inches from mine.

“All of you is pretty, actually.”

I let out a small noise, akin to a whine, as her lips hit mine slowly, my eyes closing while I leaned into her, my hand tracing her jawline.

Oh, fucking god-

Her hands gripped my hips, moving me to straddle her lap as she moaned into the kiss, my lips parting slightly, her warm tongue darting to move against mine in response.

Aiden began stroking my stomach with her thumbs, filling me with butterflies and making me shiver against her, heat flooding my body as I whimpered into her, her hands squeezing the plush of my hips, holding me down.

Her lips left mine, trailing down my cheek to my jawline and neck, my small noises louder without the muffling of our frantic kissing.

“You’re so sensitive, baby.”

I groaned at her words, my fingers moving to grip her shoulders.

“Can’t help it… been a while, and you’re too perfect.”

She chuckled against my jugular, nipping at my throat softly, causing me to groan, one of my hands coming to grip the hair at the back of her neck, a moan escaping her lips.

I grinned, pulling her hair back slightly, testing the waters, her gasp on egging me on to return the favor and attack her neck with little nips and open-mouthed kissing, her small noises of pleasure fueling the fire in my abdomen.

“Fuuck, sweetpea-”

She cut herself off with a soft moan as I hummed against her throat while sucking hard at her skin. I dragged my tongue over the forming bruise in my wake, causing her hips to buck up into mine.

I leaned back to admire the red and purple blotches on her skin, sliding my hands under the hem of her shirt, looking into her eyes, silently begging for permission to take it off, her shivers and frantic nodding of her head prompting me to ease the fabric over her shoulders and head before tossing it to the side.

“Perfect, so beautiful.”

I latched my lips onto hers once more, moving my hands to palm at her bra-covered breasts. She moaned against me, her hands finding my hips again, grinding me down against her, controlling my movements while my fingers tangled themselves into her hair and tugging. She slid her hands up the back of my shirt, scratching at my lower back with need. I pulled away from her again to shrug off my flannel and tug my shirt off, the two articles of clothing join hers on the hardwood floor before moving to kiss the skin of her chest, sucking bruises into the soft plushness of her tits, taking care to bite softer than on her neck, her hand finding my hair as she threw her head back in pleasure, her figure looking divine, my head swimming from the drugs, the only thing I could think of was how perfect she felt against me. I moved back up to her lips slowly, moving my hips against hers as she continued digging her nails into my back, a groan leaving me with a shiver. The hand in my hair slid down my neck, tracing the car there making me squirm at the feeling, my brain trying not to scream at the negative memories associated with it. I leaned back and opened my eyes, only to find that her eyes weren’t the green and golden brown from before, but now a steely shade of gray-blue, her hair lightening to a straw-colored blonde. My breath hitched as my body flung me onto my back on instinct, my body colliding with the floorboards with a very loud thump, my eyes flooding with tears that began streaming down my face.

“Oh, fuck I-”

I struggled to breath, wiping at my eyes, blinking at Aiden, who had moved to the floor, her hand coming to rest on my shoulder, my skin crawling as I flinched at the contact.

She looked like herself again. Oh god, I fucked everything up again.

“I-I’m sor-sorry, I can’t, I-”

She shushed me, brushing hair out of my face.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re okay.”

I sobbed, hiding my head in my hands.

I fucked up, I ruined it, everything was going so well, fuck, fuck fuck fuck.

“I- I need to go home, I’m so sorry.”

She helped me put my shirt back on, handing my jacket, reassuring me that it was okay and that she wasn’t mad.

Liar, I ruined everything, just like always.

She had Lola call me a cab before giving me her number as I apologized profusely.

The ride home was quiet and uncomfortable, the lights blending together unnaturally, trailing behind each other.

My apartment was dead silent when I finally got home.

Good. I’d probably cry if I heard noise right now.

My body and mind cried, aching to lay down in my warm bed as I changed out of my clothes, slipping into green flannel sweats and a black t-shirt.

After finishing my nighttime routine, I flopped into my bed, cocooning myself under my blankets, sighing as the warmth and exhaustion caught up to me, dragging me under the surface of the dark slumber that awaited me.

Word Count: 2546

[the-sage-libriomancer]

I think it would be fascinating to see an AU where Bruce Wayne/Batman’s archnemesis is Lex Luthor and Clark Kent/Superman’s archnemisis is the Joker, because certain aspects of the villains mesh really well with the thematic premises of the heroes.

Bruce Wayne is deliberately (both in-universe and out of it) the “ideal” of how an ethical rich person should be, and Lex Luthor is a shining example of the unethical billionaire. Not only that, but Luthor rarely goes the costumed supervillain route—a huge part of what makes him so dangerous is that he’s a schemer, a politician, a man with more money and social influence than can be easily undermined. Compare that to Bruce, whose alter ego is frequently written as Bruce’s way to fight whatever corruption and injustice his money and influence can’t fix. If Bruce went up against Luthor, there would be a lot of awkward meetings at galas, mutual charity events, and even potential business deals—so Bruce vs Lex wouldn’t only be a difficult fight for Batman, it would be a direct challenge to Bruce Wayne. Bruce would have to rely on his wits, ingenuity, and acting ability to fight back against Luthor in a showdown of popularity and social standing, which is something I haven’t seen done with many (if any) of Batman’s usual villains.

Meanwhile, Superman vs Joker is just a different flavor of the Batman vs Joker fight, but with interesting nuances. Crucially, Joker would have the same goal for both Batman and Superman: to convince them that some people are simply irredeemable and/or that humanity is fundamentally unsalvageable. Clark already goes up against “irredeemable” people like Lex Luthor, who actively choose to be awful human beings, but Batman’s villains are all deeply traumatized, legally insane, and/or unfathomably sadistic, and Joker is the poster child of that kind of villain. How hard would it be to look at someone who is, ultimately, a mere human and wonder if there really ARE some people who simply can’t be saved? Or worse, who don’t deserve to live? In short, Superman fighting Joker would mean he had to go against an enemy who is actively gunning for his fundamental ideology, in ways that Lex Luthor or Zod never could.

I just think it's neat that the two biggest heroes and their archenemies all have overlapping similarities and parallels. I want to exploit that and see if, given a role swap, you can turn that into an interesting story.

[being-of-rain]

I’m back! I successfully watched all of Classic Who last year, but took a break from writing down my thoughts about it. Then a month or three went by. You know how it is. Time and tide melts the snowman. Anyway, I’m back for perhaps my favourite Doctor of Classic Who. Here’s some thoughts from my watchthrough of season 24.

I was a little surprised by how much I loved the Seventh Doctor’s TV era! It somehow felt so fresh and interesting and fun-loving compared to what came before it. Basically every story was either genuinely great quality, or silly and camp and over-the-top in a way that’s extremely entertaining to watch (or both). Season 24 is more the latter than the former, but I still feel like it makes a surprisingly good jumping-on point for watchers interested in getting into Classic Who.

Although to start off, I’d say Time and the Rani is my least favourite Seventh Doctor TV story. Sorry to dunk on it right out of the gate, but to me it feels very different compared to the rest of Seven’s TV stories. It’s hard to put my finger on exactly why, but there’s really not much to interest me in it. Seven is fun and charming right from the start, and probably my favourite part of the story is his little mixed metaphors. But on the other hand, Mel feels particularly badly written and directed for, which is saying something considering she’s one of the least fleshed-out companions in the show. I’m a sucker for mistaken identity shenanigans, so I found the rather silly plot of the Doctor being tricked into thinking the Rani is Mel and vice versa amusing, especially when it results in the Doctor and Mel having a slapstick fight with neither believing the other is who they claim. But that plot isn’t quite enough to fill almost half the story, and after that it’s mostly a lot of talking with some seriously boring minor characters. The Rani herself doesn’t interest me as much as she did in her previous story. I guess in The Mark of the Rani I loved her exasperation with the Master, and in this story my favourite thing about her is how silly her plan is to impersonate Mel and how much it infuriates her- so on TV she’s never been particularly intimidating to me, and more interesting as a comedy villain. Which is a shame, because a totally amoral scientist with the resources of a Time Lord has the potential to be very creepy. Oh well, at least she has yet another very cool Tardis interior, even if it’s apparently just a CSO background rather than an actual set. Such a shame that the Sixth Doctor died without being given a proper send-off (although appropriate that it was due to a rainbow special effect). And when he’s being gaslit gatekept girlbossed by the Rani, it was sad hearing the new Doctor say “the more I know me, the less I like me.” Especially when my experience with this incarnation is quite the opposite.

Paradise Towers is fantastic! My favourite of the season. It’s a mix of genuinely good, extremely camp, and the whole spectrum in-between. An apartment complex that’s been isolated for decades is a great setting for a weird world for Dr Who to visit and un-muddle, and this one’s filled with so many cliques and characters that are all fun to watch. From the kangs who adopt the Doctor (I love how they don’t seem to have a sense of gender, because of course gender is entirely dependent on society), to the rules-obsessed caretakers (the Doctor sneaking away by pretending to read from the rulebook is great), to the cannibalistic old ladies (who couldn’t be more obviously cannibals if they tried), to the ghost of the obsessed architect in the basement (what a great premise for a villain), to Pex (who had my brother and I in stitches for most of his screen time before his surprisingly poignant moment of bravery at the end). It’s all absolutely ridiculous of course, especially considering that these sort of sci-fi settings are usually the result of generations of isolation, rather than the decades at most which is apparently the case in Paradise Towers. I don’t care about how absurd it is though, this is the type of Doctor Who story that feeds on absurdity. There’s apparently both a recent comic and a recent short story collection about the world of Paradise Towers, and I have the strong urge to track them both down. Anything else to say about the story? The kangs all saying “unalive” is so bizarrely relevant to the insular echo chamber of TikTok and other social media, every time it made me think that the absurd society that’s being creating today really makes Paradise Towers look concerningly plausible (the apartment complex did apparently win awards in the 21st century after all). Oh, and the story’s first cliffhanger is an all-time great. The Chief Caretaker’s delivery and timing is superb, and I really wouldn’t want to spoil it here for anyone who isn’t expecting it.

Delta and the Bannermen is a weird one! It’s maybe the Classic Who story that most deserves the description of ‘camp,’ which I suppose is appropriate given the setting. It feels like a pantomime, and if most of the story doesn’t give me that impression then the music would rather die than fail to convince me. It’s so in-your-face upbeat. I think it can be a fun story, but not an awful lot more. The most bizarre part of the story is when the bus-full of space tourists, who make up the majority of the story’s cast, all die in an explosion when the Bannermen attack. The story gives almost no weight to the moment at all, and happily continues its jaunty soundtrack while barely acknowledging the deaths. It feels so out of place, especially after the tourists are at a central part of the plot up until that point. It’s a back-handed compliment, but I think the story’s saving grace is its introduction of something that helps improve the Seventh Doctor’s era a lot: regular use of three-parters instead of four! Maybe because I’ve been working through so many four-parters, but the amount this improved the pacing and how much the okay stories could keep my interest is not to be underestimated! There’s so many Doctors with stories that could’ve benefitted from one episode off the runtime. It’s a shame the idea came too late to salvage Time and the Rani. I know that Ray was originally going to be a companion, but I can’t help but note that (even in her first story) Sophie Aldred was the better actor. I’m glad that Ace was such a queer icon, to make the loss of a ‘50s biker girl as a companion bearable. But all that said, she’s a sweet addition to the story as the Doctor’s friend/driver. The Doctor consoling her outside of a dance when she had her heart broken is such a gorgeously human moment, and the type of situation that really gives the Seventh Doctor a lovely, caring side of his personality. That said, that first cliffhanger is one of the cheesiest in the show’s history. But I did enjoy it for that very reason. That sums up the whole story, I guess.

Dragonfire is... I want to say better than I remembered. To me it feels like a lot of it is almost a little too generic and straightforward, so that on paper I’m not sure it’d work. But it’s the performances, and all of the little comedy and character moments, that make the story enjoyable. Kane and his army, for example, are very entertaining for such bog-standard villains played straight. Their various attitudes and motivations are fun to watch develop and clash, and Kane’s ice-cold merciless and threatening demeanour works really well. I’m not sure the story has strong grasp on how long 3000 years is though, it seems like a very long time to be building an army below a trading colony. I’m also not sure how the show got away with his End of the World/Raiders of the Lost Ark death, that was extreme! The team of protagonists is also great fun (I love a team) and the number of nicknames they have for each other shows how very ‘80s they can all be. Glitz can be a bit of a weak link- as funny as he can be, he does seem to lack the heart of gold or really any spark of morality that would make him a really lovable character. The fact that the story starts with him selling his crew into servitude for money, even a mutinous one, gives him some really weird vibes that a few jokes about money don’t quite cover. Even when his ship is blown up he seems much more upset about the vehicle than all the people inside. This is, by the way, the second story in a row to blow up a vehicle packed full of innocent people that goes strangely unaknowledged by the rest of the serial. Still, it probably pulls it off a bit better than Delta and the Bannermen. But of course the highlight is the introduction of Aaaaace! She’s a little rough in her first story, both in her ‘80s Teenage Vocabulary and in her acting, but she’s still already one of the most interesting companions in years. Her bonding with Mel, escapist fantasies, disruptive tendencies, and temptation by Kane all make for solid character work (especially when compared to Mel, whom I love dearly, but really was a rather flat character on TV). It’s interesting how Ace had a very similar origin to many New Who companions- a teenager who wanted to escape her humdrum ordinary life- but she actually got that chance, and just ended up with a very similar life in space. She gets tempted by another escape with Kane, and seems uninterested in one with Glitz, but finally is excited to get her second chance with the Doctor. Obviously he represents a specific type of life, more than just escape from boredom. The Doctor being protective of a companion before they even become his companion is always a good trope. And Ace needs it- she’s only 16! I forgot she was that young. And it seems younger every year jsdlkfj. Anything else? Mel’s farewell and Ace’s invitation is a lovely scene. Oh, and it would be hard to give Ace bigger trans vibes, good for her.

[tuttle-did-it]

Rewatched Timeless since the finale took place the week of Christmas, 2023.

This show frustrates me SO, SO much. So much.

They have Rufus, who is amazing. Especially when paired with Jiya. Seriously, Malcolm Barrett is a massive part of why this show went more than 6 episodes, and he has wonderful chemistry with Claudia Doumit.

They have Goran Visnjic who manages to play the villain with so much heart that you pay far more attention when he's on screen.

Goran and Malcolm are the two elements of why this show-- when it worked-- worked. The two of them had SO much charisma, so much put into their characters that no matter what was going on on the screen, you wanted to know what happened to them. You needed to know if they were okay.

They have Susanna Thompson, who aside from being a very compelling actor on her own, was stellar as the Queen Borg on Voyager.

They have Annie Wershching, who manages to play a villain without being absurd or over the top. (She also played the Queen Borg for Picard, but I really, really hate Picard. But I quite like Annie. RIP Annie.)

They had a main woman character who had agency, and a storyline of her own.

They have a creepy clandestine cult trying to destroy the world, that's always fun.

They had Sakina Jaffrey and Paterson Joseph, both of whom are enjoyable to watch.

They had Colman Domingo as a guest star playing Bass Reeves-- just before he exploded and became known to the world. As expected, he was brilliant every moment.

Sean Maguire guest starred in an episode, he was great as well. Karen David played a young Denise Christopher with excellence.

They didn't let Matt Frewer do an accent, so he was fine.

They have a time machine where they can go anywhere in time. How can you go wrong with this premise?

They have writers from Mad Men and The Walking Dead.

They have stories where they can focus on women, People of Colour and queer people who have all been forgotten in history. This is the key point on why the show should have worked-- the hidden histories.

This all could have worked. This should have worked. This fucking show SHOULD HAVE WORKED.

If they hadn't had a forced love story between the main woman character and the horrible, stupid, possessive toxic masculinity wrapped up in insecurity soldier boy.

Everything else about this stupid show worked. But they spent so much time focussing on a love story between the two most boring, most under-developed, worst characters on the show that they ruined it.

I don't know if it was Matt Lanter's acting, if it was the writing, the directing, I don't know.

What I do know is that every time Rufus, Jiya, Flynn, Denise, Connor and Emma were on the screen, I cared what happened. When Lucy was on the screen by herself, I cared less, but it was fine. When Lucy and Wyatt were on the screen, I zoned out. I came on Tumblr, I checked my emails, I replied to texts from friends. I could not care even a second every time they were on screen. When just Soldier Boy was on, I started to doze.

This show is SO frustrating. SO much of it worked. But not the bits they were so focussed on showing.

This show makes me mad sometimes. I'm mad at the lost opportunities, I'm mad for the moments that worked well and were never unpacked. I'm mad for all the episodes we could have had highlighting women, People of Colour and queer people forgotten through history. I'm mad that to get to all the great moments with Flynn, Rufus, Jiya, Denise, Connor and Emma, I have to sit through SO much crap with Lucy and Soldier Boy.

This show is like two different shows-- an interesting one with lots of great characters in interesting situations, and a horrible soap opera with the dumbest, most selfish, most bland white people ever that I wish would just die.

And then two minutes later, Rufus or Flynn is on scene and I care again.

This show makes me mad.

[byneddiedingo]

Louis Hayward and Joan Leslie in Repeat Performance (Alfred L. Werker, 1947)

Cast: Joan Leslie, Louis Hayward, Virginia Field, Tom Conway, Richard Basehart, Natalie Schafer, Benay Venuta, Ilka Grüning. Screenplay: Walter Bullock, based on a novel by William O'Farrell. Cinematography: L. William O'Connell. Art direction: Edward C. Jewell. Film editing: Lewis Sackin. Music: George Antheil. 

When Repeat Performance ended, I thought, "That was different. I wish it were better." The premise is a good one: the time loop, usually the stuff of sci-fi movies and seldom of noirish melodramas. And who hasn't wished to live a year (or day or week or month) over, knowing what you know now. That happens to Broadway star Sheila Page (Joan Leslie), who shoots her husband, a blocked playwright and alcoholic philanderer named Barney Page (Louis Hayward) just before midnight on New Year's Eve in 1946. She flees into the night, wishing that she had the year that had led up to the shooting to live over again, sure that she could prevent what had just happened. Well, sure enough she can. As New Year's Day arrives, she discovers that it's not 1947 but January 1, 1946 again. And that she's not wearing the nightgown that she threw a coat over when she ran from the apartment, but instead the new party dress she bought for New Year's. Of course, she can't convince anyone else what has happened, though she does manage to interest her Gay Best Friend, the poet William Williams (Richard Basehart), with her story that he's going to meet a woman, Eloise Shaw (Natalie Schafer), who will have him committed to a mental institution. She also knows that in the first 1946 she and Barney went to London where they met a playwright, Paula Costello (Virginia Field), who wrote the play she starred in but also started an affair with Barney. So can the past be course-corrected? Would there be a movie if it could be? What Repeat Performance needs is a somewhat better script and much better actors. Leslie doesn't make Sheila into a credible figure: She's too much the suffering wife and not enough the resourceful woman who rose to the top on Broadway. And Hayward gabbles some of the soap operatic dialogue and never shows us what Sheila saw in Barney in the first place. The best performance in the movie is Basehart, who handles the coded role of the gay man well enough to let the audience glimpse his secret life. To its credit, the screenplay handles the coding well, too, although we never find out why he was committed to the asylum: Something happened in a toy store, it seems, so maybe we're supposed to infer that William was a pedophile rather than gay. (Although in 1946, the two were often regarded as synonymous.) But despite these flaws, Repeat Performance is a watchable, if frustrating, movie. 

[mayadoesfandomstuff]

The Nukes Could Have Worked

I've been thinking a lot about the Dream SMP finale ever since I learned about what happened and I'm trying to wrap my head around why I genuinely didn't like it. Like yeah, there's the weird part about c!Dream and c!Tommy's conversation that maybe I'm not all for, but I'm more confused as to why I don't like it for everyone else in the server. I mean, i know that the fanbase is split on this but I personally just couldn't support the ending.

Guess the answer should be obvious? For me, a nuke ending means that this whole story about trust, attachments, and trauma didn't matter at all and this ending might as well be the dressed "it was all a dream" ending that people were worried about for months since the finale was announced, but I don't feel like that's it.

I myself enjoy nuke endings and even had a story that I was writing for some time's main ending to be that everything was nuked. It was a logical conclusion for that narrative and the nuke delivered a gut punch on the meaninglessness of the conflict and how tragic everything is. If I were to be able to access that file again, which had sadly been lost to time, I might be able to get something off if it but I guess that's the thing though. The nuke ending for that lost story had a different purpose than the nuke ending here.

Compared to a story about the meaninglessness of the violence, the nuke ending in the Dream SMP calls forth the meaninglessness of not only the conflict but also every other story within the world. There is no purpose for the nuke than just erasing all of that and resetting everything to the beginning. The nuke night as well be someone waking up from a dream. That's why it's disappointing.

Regardless, the ending in itself being a literal nuking of the server isn't necessarily a bad call. It was just executed poorly. I believe that this is pretty confusing for some people but let me explain. In a better written narrative for the story, it could be possible to not only make the nuke ending meaningful but complete every other characters storyline or make their abrupt end feel more tragic than frustrating.

It's a lot to ask so let me stick with the easiest way this could work. The easiest way for the nukes to succeed is to make it an event. Bring almost everyone, if not everyone, in the server for the nuking and have them stream all of their POVs. This could add a sense of urgency or dread no matter how you relay this. Even more effective is to have the characters know that the nuke is coming. This would make the other characters have an excuse to finish up loose ends as best they can for their arcs or abruptly end it for a tragic finale.

It sounds crazy, but it's not like it hasn't been effectively done before in Minecraft roleplay. Think for instance Doomsday, a smaller apocalyptic event that wiped out the entire country of L'manburg from the map. There was a buildup to it, all involved CCs were informed, and most of the big players for the event logged in and streamed their POV with what happened. The emotional stakes and drama that came from that allowed for interesting character moments, arcs, and impact in later parts of the story. I mean, people still celebrate the L'manburg Independence Day despite everything.

Okay, that's just one country and technically all the characters kept moving on from that and that wasn't really the apocalypse, so let's bring up a story where it is the apocalypse - Hermitcraft Season 8.

To those not in the know, hermitcraft season 8 ends with an apocalyptic crashing of the moon that wiped out the entire server. Hermitcraft isn't known for lore-heavy content before this, so it was a surprise for almost everyone in the fanbase that they went with this direction instead of just simply restarting the server for the new season like they typically do.

Either way, the basic premise is that the moon suddenly started crashing to the earth and the hermits were faced with the dilemma of what to do in order to survive the collision. From trying to worship the moon to appease it, to trying to destroy it outright with missles, it's all pointless and the server gets wiped anyway. Now, this ending is still continuously dramatized and looked back on by the hermitcraft fanbase despite it's bleak ending and how all of the different storylines like the beloved Boatem Crew, the Advertising War, and even Zedaph's weird little research were all basically wiped out of existence.

The reason? Most of the hermits had time to dedicate to the lore on how their characters would respond, tie up as much loose ends as they can, and all of them uploaded how things ended for their characters virtually at the same time. This allowed closure for a lot of the fans who may not want to see the season go and give a somewhat satisfying conclusion to what happened to everyone. Of course, I know that not everyone's happy about this ending, but it has been received well by most of the fanbase.

Guess what I'm trying to get at is this. If the most of the server was online and had the chance to act out the finale alongside the ones that were there, then maybe it could have been a better narrative. It would still result in a nuke ending, but at least there's some closure with the other characters. Although, I have to admit that other CCs may make some flashback content leading up to the nuke, but it isn't the same since we have the benefit of hindsight and the emotions of the viewers may had already been set. An annoyed viewer may just be even more annoyed that their favorite character went through a defining story arc for themselves which was then erased like it didn't matter with the knowledge that it won't matter compared to a viewer who is still in the dark about the ending.

If, let's say, c!Quackity finds time to meet with c!Slime again to patch up their relationship (I wish lol) and the two have genuinely made amends, I would probably just be pissed off than devastated knowing that this wouldn't matter anyway. It isn't tragic, it's annoying. If them patching things up happened while I know that nukes may blow everything up instead of will blow everything up, I would be more invested in the dread than frustrated in the meaninglessness.

I guess another thing that sours everything is what happened after the nukes. Are you telling me that everything's all honkydory now that all of those people died? We're back to simpler times? It's a disturbing ending to say the least.

Honestly, with that in mind, maybe an even simpler fix is to not end it with them in the new server and make the ending vague as fuck. Don't say that this is a good ending at all and don't try to comfort us that our favorite characters are gonna be a-okay. Like what I said, knowledge of what happened at the end is probably the things that causing frustration instead of the devastation of the tragedy.

The whole c!Dream apology thing is also equally contentious with this whole thing, but again, I'm just looking at how it could be salvaged for every other character in the story.

I mean, this little Minecraft story has already ended and I doubt I'll come back for season two. Maybe complaining is definitely pointless. But I could still want for something a little more from this, ya know?

[loopy777]

Yeah thats kinda the problem with following genres. Because they are living, breathing things that change, follow trends, rebel against trends, deconstruct their mediums, reconstruct their mediums, and are vastly different from decade to decade.

Thats one of the reasons the movie superhero craze is effectively over at this point. Just like Westerns, the market became oversaturated, but it's also become almost impossible to just watch superhero movies just on the face of them anymore. There is never going to be another superhero movie that isnt going to be affected, in one way or another, and judge to the entire infinity saga.

Superhero movies will now always be judged whether they are trying to recapture the feel of the previous MCU, is it rebelling against that, is it doing its own thing? Is it trying to deconstruct the formula Marvel set up? Is it a throwback?

We'll see more cycles as time goes on, just like the superhero golden age gave way to the silly silver age, the bronze age followed after that trying to be more serious, the dark ages took that idea and ran it into the ground, the following age came as a response to that, which in turn ended at one more day, qfter which it all just eventually began to permanently fall apart as the years went on, and readers as a whole left the medium for other pastures.

And thats just one medium and genre, all built on top of what came before in one way or another.

But in regards to MHA, its actually an interesting study in how different people can take something completely different from the same medium, because not everyone has been following the same things.

For example, you yourself noted that you thought of MHA as a reconstruction of the superhero genre.

I however, can tell thats not quite the case... Oh it certainly does reconstruct the Superhero genre, that part is absolutely true... But MHA is pretty much a very thorough deconstruction of all the many, many shonen series that followed in One Piece and Naruto's wake, that tried to copy them.

I wont repeat what i said about how OP unfortunately destroyed the way shonen handled death and injuries, but thats hardly where it ends.

Bakugo was originally imagined as this nice guy rival... Because thats what the series that followed after One Piece and Naruto did. As such, the way he instead went the completely different direction was a direct respone/challenge that entire idea.

Izuku being nervous and shy, but also reliant on a massive intellect rather than just massive physical combat talent was also a direct response to the countless stupid but confident shonen heroes that Dragon ball began, One Piece perfected, and so many other series has just produced bland, and very bad leads trying to mimic what Oda and Toriyama did.

Inko's entire existence and the fact she's still a part of her son's life is pretty much alien to the way the vast, vast majority of shonen handles parents, especially female parents by for all intents and purposes not being part of their kids lives, or more commonly just dead.

The mentor All Might being a proactive and active part of the story, and not dying midway through is again, pretty much the opposite of how shonen series does things. Killing off the obi-van/big good, is so standard in shonen that even One Piece, champion of never killing anyone, did it. And what few series does not, eventually just makes them completely useless to the narrative, as it's clear they never had any plans for how to handle said character surviving.

World building, and in universe politics, and how the setting worked is brought up front and explained from day one, and having characters lives being directly affected by it, is a response to series such as One Piece, Fairy Tail, and many others that gives the premise, but takes a long time before it really explains the powers that rule the world, in favor of character development.

The tournament arc ultimately ended up being completely meaningless in terms of rewards, and the hero didn't even win it, nor tie fighting his big rival. Needless to say, that's not how shonen lately tends to do it.

I could go on, but you get the gist. A LOT of how MHA is built is deliberately because HORI structured it that way, having learned from his orevious works, Barrage and Oumagadoki zoo. Both were completely bog standard shonen manga that while not bad, didn't really manage to attain actual success.

Zoo was a more episodic comedy manga with a supernatural element, that changed over to being a battle manga when that didn't pan out, then got canceled. Meanwhile, Barrage was a far, far more competently put together battle manga, that took all the tropes One Piece had popularized and used them to tell a story... That completely flopped, because while it was genuinely good, there wasn't much that made it stand out amongst the crowd of other shonen.

And so, when crafting MHA he did so with the mind set of telling a good story, while also deconstructing and then reconstructing so many of the shonen tropes that was popular in shonen as MHA was released.

Izuku was a genuinely wimpy, but kindhearted kid who wanted to be the most inspiring hero in the world, not the worlds strongest "insert whatever profession here" in a genre where powerful, but idiotic, and supremely ambitious anti-heroes like luffy that though had a good heart, was not exactly a traditional hero, reigned supreme, that was genuinely fresh, and had solid foundations to built a good character off of.

All Might was the great power of his world, but unlike One Piece's Whitebeard, the shadowy and in the background strongest pirate in the world, who's role was effectively to have the entire political status quo of the world disintegrate after he died, All Might's role was to be the Main characters mentor and friend who gave him advice, wasn't alway right, and would go on to lose the power that defined him and his world. Again, a subversion, but one with well planned foundations.

The world of Heroes is explained in very huge detaol from day one, unlike One piece and fairy tail, and so many others, including Barrage, because Hori knew from personal experience that trying to take your time on explaining the world could very, very easily backfire if the readers didnt get invested in it from day one.

All of this came together to create a very good deconstruction and reconstruction of the entire Shonen genre, which as you pointed out, also worked great as a reconstruction of a lot of the aspects that the superhero genre that Hori decided to set his world in, had forgotten or left behind for such nonsense as deals with the devil, multiverses, massive crossovers, abandoning of true heroics, and so on.

Its also telling that the one place where hori decided to just follow the standard Shonen formula of the day, Izuku relationship with his love interest Uraraka, is far and away the most boring part of the entire series.

Overall though, it managed to hit the homerun that is the best of two worlds. It managed to hit the world wide appeal that so many modern series sacrifices everything to appeal to just by being a good story, and it managed to appeal to japanese manga fans who were hungry for something else that was not just following in One Piece's or Naruto's footsteps.

The huge backlash the arcs post the war arc has gotten, is very much a further response to that, as the series that once prided itself on NOT playing all the shonen tropes straight, began to do exactly that, and is now in the middle of a drawn out, slog of a final that so, so, so many other shonen series had fallen victim to over the years.

Heh, don't tell my brother that the Deku/Uraraka romance is the most boring part. It's one of his favorite parts. He think it's criminal what an Uraraka figma is going for on the secondary market.

You have a good analysis of the ways MHA builds on the shonen genre, and I didn't mean to imply that it was exclusively drawing from superhero genre. As you note, there's a good fusion going on there, and I think that speaks to a larger point about genre in general- it can be strengthened by blending it with other genres, or at least lessons learned from other genres.

I think it's notable how controversial you've revealed to me the final battle to be, given its context in the shonen genre, and there's no specific equivalent in the superhero genre for me to draw on as an example. Superhero comics don't end- at least not outside AU graphic novels, and those largely all draw on The Dark Knight Returns for their formula, so they're more like a dark epilogue to superhero's story rather than a culmination. Superheroes can have final confrontations with an enemy or two in movie adaptations, but there's no "Final Battle of the Justice League" where all their members fight all their villains. (The closest thing I know of is Kingdom Come, but again, that draws heavily from The Dark Knight Returns, and so we have the JL coming out of retirement in a post-modern world to make a statement about 90s comics.)

The only comic I can think that really tries to be a definitive ending for a superhero is 'Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?' for the Silver Age Superman. And, because it's Alan Moore, almost the entire cast dies. So that's not much help to MHA. And it struggles under the burden of those Silver Age Superman comics not having an ongoing story or links between its villains. As we all know, manga is a very different animal in terms of structure than Western comics because of being able to tell a single story with a singular creative vision, no matter how drawn out it may be.

Anyway, I guess I'm saying I hope MHA provides some lessons to the next work that tries to bridge Eastern and Western comics, on both sides of the Pacific.

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to 5/5/2023 (song notes under cut)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Machine Girl - Dumbass!!: i was listening to a whole bunch of machine girl in the lead-up to the gecs n girl show and i feel like it made me a bigger fan than i had been previously. i honestly still am not like the most familiar with their individual songs but this is one of the ones that sticks with me. NO SUCH THING AS THE BOOGEYMAN!!!!

Cracked Out - If You Leave Me I'll Kill Myself: pretty tasteless but as soon as i came across this post and listened to it i was immediately hooked on this song. it reminds me of the dumb edgy comedy bullshit i would have listened to as a tween, but like, the better side of that stuff. it was basically impossible to find much of anything about this group, so the spotify track is a local file that you guys won't be able to play, and it wasn't on youtube so i actually uploaded it myself this morning just to put it in the playlist lol

Sum 41 - In Too Deep: i feel like sum 41 tends to kinda get dismissed as part of the obnoxious skate punk scene of the 90s-00s, and to a large extent that's fair, but man did they have some good hits. i feel like edgy teen songs like these really can work by being simple as long as they just hit the premise with everything they've got, and this would be an example

Tyler, The Creator - DOGTOOTH: i was very pleased when this reached the top 40, brief though its stint was. i've been getting more into tyler recently bc i feel like i've been missing out, he's really such an interesting artist and he balances a lot of different traits super well while still delivering the goods in terms of good beats, good lines, etc. seriously, "not sure what you overheard but it's probably what I said" is such a good fucking line

Nick Lutsko - A Ghost Story: would STRONGLY recommend checking out the video for this one, either in the youtube playlist or on tumblr here actually never mind i can't find it. watch it on youtube it's fun. i followed nick lutsko on youtube for a while before whatever network it was that he was producing for went under. probably machinima. i mainly knew him because of his limp bizkit parody which is funny bc i wasn't even listening to actual limp bizkit at the time. anyway i really like his voice and i'm actually glad that he's still finding success these days

Naughty By Nature - O.P.P.: as i've referenced, i've been rewatching robbydude's paper mario vods, which are very good, and in one of the early ones robby references this song and it made me look it up. and then i made this post and it was underrated. i don't really have anything else to say it's just a good classic rap song

Slipknot - Left Behind: putting this here as more of a landmark to represent that i've been listening to iowa (the album this is from) a lot in general. i've had slipknot on the brain recently more than usual (not for any reason of course. winks) and reminded myself of why everyone loves iowa so much. it's so fucking brutal and biting... nu metal <3

Busta Rhymes - Woo Hah!!: honestly another one where it's like yeah idk this is just a classic what do you want me to say. busta's a legend and this song is legendary and he tears it up and it's good

Sweet Trip - Tekka: probably the most direct of the violet finds from this month (hi violet :3) i had never listened to sweet trip before but tekka instantly grabbed me... it's all crunchy and stuttery and has yummy synths. i especially love how it just fucking breaks down in the second half it's like that machine that's breaking down and sweating and sputtering it's almost sexual. you know

Ike & Tina Turner - I'll Never Need More Than This: so i've been on my phil spector bullshit, as you might have guessed, so i was revisiting some of his tracks to just kinda take it all in. as always, it. well it sounds really fucking good, and tina turner turned in a killer performance as always. i love. sound :)

Rowdy Rebel - Computers (feat. Bobby Shmurda): I'M SLIDIN OVER CARS WHILE I SHOOT

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THEY THINK THAT I'M TOM CRUISE

Machine Girl - Scroll of Sorrow: it's really rather exciting. see for those in the know (which is all of you bc there's only two or three people reading this), you're aware that my mutual (hi again :3) had posted about how, at the live show, the vocalist of machine girl got up real near the crowd (including said mutual) during scroll of sorrow. as such, i was listening out for the song at my own show and well chat i'll tell you i was not able to recognize it :-) but there was one point where they got up on the railing above the pit and were singing from up there, and while it wasn't like exceptionally close to where we were at, it was still cool bc it was like hey! that's like the thing! that i heard about! :) amd anyway i like the song

Sonic The Hedgehog - His World: itsa banger... i actually heard the penny parker cover of this song from the sonic fandub way before ever hearing the original so even now i still mix up the lyrics but it's fine. i've actually never played a mainline sonic game or any video game or any media at all but i like the music

Strapping Young Lad - Oh My Fucking God: i straight up didn't know that strapping young lad was a devin townsend thing, not that i've listened to any of his other stuff. this song's weird and loud and stupid and i like it

Rae Sremmurd - No Flex Zone: okay now. based on this one and the previous song, can anyone guess what semi-popular artist playlist i was listening to this month? i tried to listen to a lot more rap this month, because i wish to learn more about this beautiful world. no flex zone has been my first exposure to rae sremmurd and it was a good one, although i like one of the guys way better than the other one. slim jxmmi i like him better

glass beach - classic j dies and goes to hell part 1: i didn't really "get" glass beach for a while, i thought they were alright, but this month they started to click (once again with some help - check out this post teehee). they're cute, earnest, and high-energy; i have to kinda be in the mood but i can get into it 👍 i've also seen the band described as sort of a modern emo type deal and while i don't yet know if i agree or disagree with that it compels me

NLE Choppa - Final Warning: straight up this dude is weird and has a weird hit on the charts rn but bc of that i was like "ok let's see what he was like before his big image change" and ended up liking some of that stuff. he's so energetic and it really gets you pumped up, which is def what i'm looking for in this type of thing. he's got some interesting lines, too. it almost makes me wish he hadn't changed at all - i feel like i missed out lol

Vanilla Ice - Prozac: okay look i try not to vanillapost too much but like i'm a little bit insane about vanilla ice. i'm obsessed with his career path and it is not uncommon for me to just sit and think about it for an hour or more. i really enjoy his nu metal stuff, at least the earlier portions of it, and this is a top-tier track from that era. real headbanger. FUNKY RHYME KILLER, THE DOPE SONG DEALER

[alexjcrowley]

Watched The Extra Man (2010) and was pretty disappointed, not going to lie. I'm more sad than bitter about it. Let me explain.

When the movie started, I thought I was in for a treat. I genuinely thought this would have been a movie ahead of its time talking self expression and gender identity, it would have been one of those things I can tell people "it was far ahead". But, for me, it didn't do.

Let's start by talking about exploring gender identity/self expression. Now, I have just one problem with this point: I wanted more.

The premise of the movie is that it's a story about this guy, Louis Ives, who has an internal conflict with his gender identity, we could say. It felt to me like at some point, while writing the script, the screenwriters got way more interested in the character of Henry Harrison and derailed the movie. The scene with Louis at the bar was great, I loved that scene so much, I wish there could have been more scenes like that! The movie went in a very different direction than what I thought also in regard of Louis's personal journey, to the point I'd be inclined to say at the end of the movie things got more confused than when they started. I am not an expert on gender identity, I couldn't comment and that's why I won't comment on the way they represented Louis's internal conflict, what I can say is that I would have preferred much more time dedicated specifically to that subject and less to...I am sorry, but unlikable side characters.

Let's discuss the side characters, at least the main ones.

Mary is at best a poor stereotype of an animal activist and your classic "pretty girl will make the loser do stuff for her while she hangs out with the cool boyfriend". She is incredibly unlikable and this unlikability brings nothing to the plot. She is just horrible to Louis and this doesn't make Louis grow or anything, she is just there to do and say what everyone who has ever watched 5 romcoms can easily predict. She turns decent 10 minutes before the movie ends, it doesn't count.

Gershon Gruer, I have just one question: did we really need him? I guess he was a comic relief, but he didn't make me laugh, so. I preferred him when he just cycled. And he had the play in the end? Felt lazy.

Lois and Meredith were fine, actually. I liked Meredith a lot, and I liked her monologue about her childhood, but since you only ever seen her in that 10 minutes of the movie, it felt out of place. Like when someone who's drunk tells you their entire life because they're drunk, even if you don't know them. Good to know, Meredith, but what is this thing about your past meant to add to the plot?

Vivian was also fine. Very basic, but not bad.

I wished I could have seen more of Miss Hart.

And now, let's come to the real beast: Henry Harrison. The point is, I know what they were trying to do with Henry Harrison. It's an archetype I personally love. From Count Oliver straight out of the Alan Ford comic books to Monsieur Gustave in Grand Budapest Hotel, the impoverished aristocrat is one of my favourite type of characters (don't @me for "Gustave wasn't an aristocrat!", the concept of this kind of character is someone who tries to keep alive/uphold an old faded lifestyle they cannot afford in the name of an ideal, Zero at the end of the movie says something like Gustave had always been a part of an era already faded long time before). Fanny Button from BBC Ghosts is also a good example of this archetype.

Usually, this character is inherently funny, something about being overly formal and quaint and old fashioned. They make for great side characters. But Henry Harrison, this guy, he is unbearable. I mean it. I am sorry if some of you love him, you won't like what I have to say and you may prefer keep scrolling, but I need to talk about this guy. Yes, the fallen nobleman is usually a funny character and they can easily get on other characters' nerves, but they shouldn't get on the audience's ones. His entire comedic persona comes from being racist, homophobic, sexist and frankly a bit disgusting a lot of the times, also an absolute asshole. And as much as "having outdated beliefs" (let's put it very kindly like that) is a staple trait of the fallen nobleman, he is just irritating! The whole joke is that he is a terrible person. I can find him peculiar in the first 10 minutes he is on screen, then he just becomes a nuisance.

And that's the second problem with him: his screen time. This guy eats up an unbelievable part of screentime. At some point you forget it's a movie about Louis's conflict with wanting to dress up as a woman and it just becomes a movie about how poor Louis has to put up with this other guy. And you know what, since the title is "The Extra Man" maybe I am the dumb once, after all Henry, not Louis, is the extra man, I shouldn't be so surprised so much of this movie is about him. But he truly is a character hard to stand.

I am not one of these people who can't get interested in a story if the characters are "evil", if they're morally corrupted. Hell, Hannibal and Succession fan here, so. But the point is, in a show/book/movie/whatever where the main guy sucks, you need to give the audience a reason to care about him. Not even to like him, but at least to care. I don't give a fuck if Henry dies the most painful death ever. The guy I care about is Louis, who fades like a shadow in comparison to Henry.

"You don't understand, it's the Gatsby-Nick Carraway metaphor" no, no, I do. The point is in The Great Gatsby is fine becausr Nick doesn't really have any interesting situation going on for him (on the contrary, Louis has this complex relationship with his gender identity) and Gatsby not only is not an ass but he's also an interesting character. You want to know what happens to him, you want to unravel his mystery. I just wanted to hit Henry in the head. "His heart was broken" is a very lazy mystery to deserve an hour and 15 minutes of waiting to be discovered. Again, like Mary, he turns decent in last 10 minutes of the movie, and now, I am no screenwriter, but I honestly don't feel like calling that character growth. Henry Harrison feels to me like a bad copy of a boring copy of the fallen nobleman archetype. He could have been written so much better.

So basically I have beef with how they wrote characters and the way they divided up screen time. The acting is not bad at all, the movie is not badly directed, but I can't say it was memorable. Same for the cinematography.

The Extra Man looks to me, in most part, a movie that it's there, extra in the sense that it's not needed. It's a movie. It's not the worst movie. But, especially because it had an interesting premise, it comes out as excruciatingly mediocre and bland.

And I am you don't even know how sorry about it. I wanted this movie to be good. I really like cinema, I have watched movies that are considered to be slower and more boring than what The Extra Man is supposed to be, but I had a hard time finishing it. Not even my love for Paul Dano could save this movie. And I liked Louis as a character, I was invested in his story.

I am writing this knowing NOTHING about how this movie was received at the time and how it's considered today. If some of you disagree with me, because maybe Tumblr and Danonation have decided this is actually a masterpiece, please, don't kill me/insult me. If someone liked this movie I am genuinely curious to know why, I'd love to hear other people's opinion.

[selene-heidlman-writings]

A Journey to Learn How to Love

Chapter 1

31 May, 1986

Arranged marriages are strange things, particularly in this day and age. Don't get me wrong, I understand the cultural significance, and it's not like there's much difference between marrying for one reason or another. At least, not statistically. The outcomes are largely similar: people work through their differences, form some sort of united front against the harshness of reality, and together find a way to raise children and continue on the legacy.

At least, that's what I've read. Practically speaking, though? I have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm starting this journal to detail my quest to finally understand. This is meant to be my last adventure for a while: even though I'm used to being on the road, the woman I'm engaged to is far more accustomed to spending time at home or hosting parties with friends, and the entire idea of being out and about is more than a little alien to her. We went to the next town over last summer, and the road left her feet more weary than an entire day spent bustling about the kitchen. Or at least, so she insisted on telling me for most of the trip there and all of the trip back.

So, if I am to marry her, it seems my travels will continue solo, or be at an end. And to hear most of the elders speak of it, that curtailing in travel sounds the direction they all want me to lean, for fear that I'll fail to fulfill some duty to my new wife.

And in all honesty, I'm not sure I'll fill such a role even if I stay.

So in the hopes of finding my way, or at least getting suitably lost as to be plausibly declared "Lost at sea", I've drifted off to the harbour of Talim's Wake. Hopefully, this is a shore that Talim has been past in a swift water vessel lately, rather than the site of mourners for some poor soul… but either way, it will be a grand adventure, and I'm quite looking forward to finding the next leg of my trip in short order.

1 June 1986

I've had my share of bruises. Falling off trails, tripping when fatigued, even that one time I got into a small fight with a boar while on one of the less-traveled trails that led by a gorgeous waterfall. This is the first time I've gotten a bruise from buying someone a drink.

Captain Dani -- Or just Dani, as he told me to call him, prefers not to owe anyone a debt, and what I thought of as a casual icebreaker, he saw as a trap to whisk away some of his all-too-sparse attention. Of course, he handled this with a measure of grace: I've never seen someone so gracefully hurl a stein of beer without so much as looking at their intended target. A shame that the rather heavy drink struck my face with enough force to unseat me from my oddly-shaped bar stool and send me sprawling.

Of course, my reply was an instinctual "Sorry about that." At which point, I righted the stool and picked up the wayward beer stein, returning it to the rather-amused bartender.

Dani, to his credit, found his interest piqued at my manners, and we began a conversation all the same. So, in the end, it seems I did get some of his attention, although it feels more as though I've earned it through fortitude than charmed it from him naturally.

With that said, Dani is quite the adroit mariner. He's been sailing about these parts for several years, usually taking legitimate passengers to different places, sometimes smuggling, and often avoiding some authority or another. The rocks in Talim's Wake make sailing in or out a tricky affair, particularly for larger vessels which are sufficiently-armed for removing a small pirate vessel from the waves, so Dani often uses this place as a home port. Or, as close to home as such a wandering knave could have. I think that very premise of homelessness and drifting is what has enamoured him of me, and given me a chance to sail with the man amongst the various islands.

Upon hearing the main intent behind my search, he scoffed just a little bit. "Lad, if I'm not satisfied being a woman one day and less satisfied with being a man the next, it's hardly my place to talk of committing to someone else." said he with a guffaw and a fresh drag on his beer. "But if you mean to wander and you've the coin or the hands to make it worth my while, I'm happy to have someone who won't be looking to tie me one place or another, either. We set sail in the morning." Upon hearing the main intent behind my search, he scoffed just a little bit. "Lad, if I'm not satisfied being a woman one day and less satisfied with being a man the next, it's hardly my place to talk of committing to someone else." said he with a guffaw and a fresh drag on his beer. "But if you mean to wander and you've the coin or the hands to make it worth my while, I'm happy to have someone who won't be looking to tie me one place or another, either. We set sail in the morning." Well, and by "Morning" he apparently meant half past noon. It's a curious thing, to spurn the grey dawn and seek passage through the heat of the day, but Dani did it well enough once he roused himself from slumber, and his boat seems a cozy vessel. It's small enough to be easily manoeuvred in the shallow depths, but large enough for one to sleep comfortably while the other navigates. Dani told me the ship's name was the Crawling Isopod once upon a time, but these days he simply calls it "The Pod." Its painted sides were well-maintained, although the colours had long faded. It drifted on the water, happily churning through the waves as its small propeller-motor groaned behind us. We slipped past the last of the rocks and found ourselves on the high seas, seeking a new shore and, I hope, new clarity.

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