#and it grates on me that I do not have direct access to this stuff

[lost-technology]

Since I saw some supplemental materials posted on a reblog browsing a blog and it's from a name that's blocked me... I'm again wondering "Why has this person blocked me???" Okay, there is someone in this fandom (not putting a name up here because I don't want to put them on the spot) who seems to know an awful lot about what Studio Orange is doing, they post a lot of concept-art. I don't know where they get it from - if they go to cons and snap photos of panels or if they do deep-dive searches or if the show bible is available in their country (they appear to be Russian or Russian-speaking while also English-speaking?) and it's stuff we don't get in the U.S.A. wherever it is gotten from, or where they are getting it from, but I do see their stuff reblogged from time to time on other people's blogs. It's the only way I can see it. I can't see this stuff even going to the Trigun tag because they have me blocked - and not just my Trigun-related sideblogs, but my main blog as well. (I do not know if this is because I listed my main blog somewhere or if I've mentioned my Trigun blogs on my main blog and have put stuff in the Trigun tag there before). Anyway, the fact that they have my main blocked and both of my Trigun blogs (I've found out when I've tried to reblog from them in the past and gotten a red-code and I can easily see who has blocked me if I go to replies and go to the drop-down on replies if they have an open reply-box) makes me think "Wow, this person must really hate me." - I haven't the foggiest idea why, either. I don't know what I said on any of my blogs to offend. I have to wonder if they were an OG fan back in "the day" who remembers me before I got medication and therapy / whacked over the head by life and was an objectively much shittier person (at least I hope I'm a much less shitty person today). Maybe there was a misunderstanding? Maybe I annoyed one of their friends? Gheez, I wonder if there's a callout post about me somewhere... (if so, if anyone has seen such, I'd like a chance to clear things up. Maybe a lot of untruth has been said about me. Maybe some things that were true but aren't anymore. Maybe some things stand, but if so, I'd like to be able to know, acknowledge and address). Then again, maybe I'm just banhammered because I am openly an older fan and some people think everyone over 30 should not be in fandom of any kind. Who knows? (My hyper-paranoia makes me worry "Are they on the Orange production crew to bring out all this info that they do every now and again? Did I somehow offend someone who works on the project? Am I even ALLOWED to be a fan? But then I take another look at what posts on reblogs I do see that has them theorizing and guessing as much as everyone else does, which means that they probably aren't and are just...somehow getting some concept-art). Bottom line: I want to know where to access this concept-art and translations of story-theory independent of tumblr and the occasional coming across it on tumblr. I don't want to be kept in the dark until I'm curiosity-browsing someone's art-blog and I see a reblog from "Oh, person whose blog is a Ghost Blog to me for reasons unknown." (Anyway, um, fuck you, too, buddy?)

[dontexpectmuch]

Hey, Love! If you are still taking requests, I have one! Something along the lines of building one of those Lego bouqets with Jude and maybe having customized Lego characters that both carry around of each other. Such a fan of your works BTW ❤️❤️

side note: i just recently got a lego bouquet gifted for my bday! they are so pretty 🥹

—

“do we need anything else?”

you shake your head as an answer, already eagerly opening the lego box placed in front of you.

jude settled down next to you, eating some of the popcorn from the bowl, while also feeding you a few pieces, his eyes never leaving your excited face. he couldn’t pinpoint what exactly made him feel so good right now as he was looking at you, but that expression on your face, the sparkle in your eyes and your smile that almost reaches your ears, are all reasons he is grateful for taking jobe with him to the mall a few hour ago.

“why don’t you get those lego flowers? everyone loves them.” jobes points to the lego section of the store with his chin, his hands inside his pockets.

“to do what? don’t you think it’s childish?” jude questions, eyebrows drawn together as his body fully turns into the direction of where the section is located.

“i guess it would be a nice gift for an artist, eh? since they already put so mich time into self-made stuff and shit.” jobe explains his thoughts, though he doesn’t really go into it any further, stepping closer to another section in the opposite direction.

without any further ado, jude moves closer to the lego flowers, your face being the only picture in his mind.

“okay, would you like to read the instructions? or should i do it?” your voice cuts him out of his thoughts, making him look back at your face that continues to have a smile on it.

jude takes the instruction papers out of your hand, leaning back on the other. his eyes skim through it as he hums knowingly.

“i guess i’ll read them, you put the pieces together.”

“sure.”

turning back to the different plastic bags in front of your, jude couldn’t help but move closer to you, pressing a kiss on your head. the papers are long forgotten as he sneaks his arm around your shoulder, pulling your body into his.

“should we play with each other first? get a better feeling?” he pushes the blanket off his lap, his lips trailing down your check to your neck.

you sigh, leaning into his touch and moving your head to the side, giving him more access to your neck, “mh, don’t know, jude. maybe finish this first?”

nodding, he pulls away, though the scent of his aftershave still surrounding you.

you put the blanket over your legs, starting to read the first instructions to build your flowers. silence takes a comfortable place in the living room, granting you two a moment to relax and enjoy the presence of one another. scented candles find their way to your nose, dimmed lights and the platter of the rain outside create a small safe haven, only for you to have.

even if you are really happy about the present your boyfriend has given you and you want to focus on it, you can’t help but feel your eyes wander to his direction.

the feeling of adoration settles in your chest, caused by the concentrated look on judes face. his tongue pokes out from his lips, his nostrils are flared, but he looked oh-so good under the dimmed lights, ethereal almost.

“do i have something on my face?” jude looks up from his hands that hold the first stem of the flowers, his eyes wide in question.

smiling, you shake your head, “no, just admired my pretty boyfriend.”

laughing, jude bumps his shoulder against yours, “nah, babe. it’s your prettiness reflecting on me.”

his words make you smile, bumping your shoulder against his this time, “stop being so romantic, it’s making me feel mushy inside, completely ruining my dark and mysterious vibe.”

“i can ruin even more if you’d let me, love.”

you throw your head back, laughing at his attempt, “flowers first, pretty boy.”

“as you wish, captain.”

[lildoodlecat]

Love that tales fans are being fed again after all these years,,

The Graces f remaster is such a great opportunity for ppl to discover the game or those interested (but not enough to get a whole console or emulate) to finally play it. Especially as a game that was part of the group of ps3 jailed titles lol bc I imagine most ppl who got into later titles (or even just more accessible ones) weren't committed enough to dig up an older console just for its exclusives

Unlike me, of course, who committed to Xillia as my second tales after Abyss and did in fact dig up a ps3 just for the exclusives (before I developed an obsession and dug up even older stuff)

I honestly wasn't expecting this from bamco tho since the Symphonia remaster was just kinda like. Well here we go again. Cool to see it on switch (if we ignore the bugs) but it WAS already on it's nth release and they were otherwise focusing on Arise

I don't wanna speculate too hard on what bamco is willing to do and whether the remasters will be of quality but goddamn can I hope they rescue more console-locked tales. And of course I can have my pipe dream abt localizing older games never released in the west but yeahh I don't see them doing that (so big fucking shout-out to fan translator projects!!!!! Always grateful to them for making old Japan exclusive games more accessible to English fans)

And despite my personal dislike for the direction the series has taken with Arise I can't say I wouldn't be interested in a new main title. Even if I actually just want it to be Crestoria lmao since I think it really could've benefited from being a main title in a lot of ways

[celestie0]

Ooof, sorry if come across rude or anything negative. Just saw your post ihm ex wife asks and how people were being rude or weirdly jealous. I hoped that my ask about knowing more about ihm ex wife, didn’t come off as being weird or rude person. ( I’m the that mention Lana del Rey)

It Seems at one point she’s going be added into the story? Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s really exciting!

Your whole au is my obsessed anyways apologize if came off ass weird/rude :(

hi love! mm yea, i think your ask did contribute to those feelings, mainly the part where you said you entirely block the ex wife part of the story out of your mind because you can’t imagine him w someone else other than reader

i don’t know, i have actually gotten similar asks for kickoff when i had a couple people tell me they skipped all of the scenes with kai in it bc they didn’t want to read about any other guy other than gojo

thing is, those are just things you don’t have to tell an author. if you do block things out or skip things, that’s fine. but just because you have access to communicate with a fanfic author doesn’t mean you should share those things with them. readers forget that we, fanfic authors, have a much more deeply invested personal interest in these stories as the creators of them, than a reader might have. it’s different from texting your friend “oh i dislike xyz ab this story”…because you’re literally sending those words to the person who put all their hard work n time into writing it lol

i try to put this into perspective, but for the whole kai thing for example: i spent a great deal of time planning those scenes out, spent a great deal of time writing & editing those scenes, n ultimately believe those scenes contribute greatly to the dynamics of the story. for people to straight up tell me they skipped those scenes, it’s odd and upsetting for sure.

i’m also like, what are you accomplishing by telling me that you skipped like half the chapter, or that you entirely dismiss parts of my story?…i have thought about this sooo much in trying to understand why tf i get asks like that, or why people think it’s appropriate to share those things with me, and the conclusion i can think of is that people are trying to subconsciously push me towards writing a story that THEY want by telling me the exact parts of my story that they entirely disregard/will disregard. and that makes me feel so icky, like i’m lowkey being manipulated into people pleasing people just cuz i post stuff for free. same goes for pressuring asks i get about writing more smut. those feel even more gross to me tbh, and it entirely kills my drive to write

i’m already struggling to find motivation to create stories among all the other insanity of things going on in my life. so yea words like that definitely do affect me, esp when it’s not just from one person, which i could probs write off as some internet troll, but from like 15+ different readers saying the same thing over n over n over again. and i KNOW i have so many wonderful readers n i’m endlessly grateful…but i’m starting to feel like chappell roan rn where i’m starting to realize maybe i’m just not cut out for this lmfaooo. it’s strange i’ve like literally seen people d** in real time but stan tumblr is what breaks me 💀💀 this shit is nottttt for the weak bahahah i see why so many authors leave

since i started posting here in january, i’ve dealt w people who would shame me for not posting updates at the time i said i would, i’ve dealt w people who would pressure me for updates, i’ve dealt w people who would pressure me for smut, i’ve dealt with people who have reduced my stories to nothing but smut, i’ve dealt with people who have made death threats against kickoff gojo for having commitment issues, i had a person straight up tell me they were “disappointed in the direction” of all of ch7 of kickoff, i had someone comment “he should’ve done ___ instead. will not be reading this fic anymore”, i’ve dealt w so many people belittle n disregard the whole ihm ex wife plotline. i’ve literally cried over some of these asks/comments, n i’ve felt embarrassed over some of them too. i’m just a person.

and i know i know i know i shouldnt focus on the negative interactions, i should just focus on the positive ones. but yknow how much mental real estate that takes to do? i’d consider myself to be a pretty mentally healthy person to be very honest, but even i have a hard time w doing that lmfao.

and then, to make things worse, i get scared that calling readers out for this kind of stuff will just make people fearful to interact with me in the future. and then im like damn i suck lol

in any case, i accept your apology. it’s not that deep at the end of the day i suppose, and i don’t want you to feel bad about it. there are bigger issues in this world rn than fanfiction on tumblr. also sorry i kinda used your ask to say all of this but i just wanted to share my perspective plus i’m pmsing so i’m emo lol i’m just waiting for my estrogen to rise at this point so i can feel human again n i might end up regretting posting this but anyways thanks xxx

[lonesome-witching]

A Play in Three Acts

This might have been the most ambitious prompt I've gotten so far. Which is why this is quite long. Shockingly long actually. And I even tried to shorten it. Thank you for the prompt @allnewtpir. Hope this fits with what you had in mind.

You can send me prompts or find the previous ones right here.

Robin’s mom had often described her love story as a play in three acts. It was a story Robin had grown sick of. As a child she had hoped she’d be granted the same type of love story. But that was before her mother had started to sound like a broken record and long before Robin realized she’d never be granted that same fairytale. Because Robin wasn’t like her mother, she wasn’t like most girls. And while some saw that as a blessing, Robin knew it as a curse. So, she’d bury that stupid play in three acts into the depths of her memory and hoped it would fade away.

But it never did. She could still recount the three acts and how they were supposed to unfold. 

Act I

The first meeting��

The first time Robin met Nancy wasn’t really the first time they met. Their real first time meeting was in kindergarten when each of the children in the circle had been forced to state their name as they were introduced to each other. Nancy had been sitting neatly on her chair, her hands clasped in her lap and Robin had thought she looked so mature. She herself had sat with one leg pulled up on her chair and hugging her knee, a habit she still hadn’t gotten rid off. 

But it wasn’t about that first meeting. It was about the first time they really met, the first time they actually spoke to each other, the moment they went from strangers to acquaintances. 

That happened at the beginning of Christmas break 1984. Robin had been in no mood to leave the house, the cold kept biting into her skin whenever she so much as opened a window. But despite the fact her winter coat had torn at the seams, her parents thought it was a great idea for Robin to walk to the grocery store for some last minute shopping. Very last minute, seeing as her extended family was already on the way to Hawkins. 

So, Robin found herself wandering around the endless isles of chips and drinks and candies. She was searching for orange juice when she noticed her. Standing in front of the fridge filled with different brands of orange juice and sodas stood Nancy Wheeler, eyes glazed over, staring at something beyond the glass. 

“Are you alright?” Robin approached cautiously, keeping her voice low and kind. She never liked being pulled out of her own concentration and she probably wouldn’t have even said anything if she didn’t need the access to that particular fridge. 

Nancy jumped back, her eyes now directed at Robin. She wasn’t sure whether she should be grateful or ashamed to have Nancy’s attention. 

“Huh?” Nancy frowned and Robin thought she might have been crying. 

“Are you alright?” Robin repeated, just as soft as before. 

“Yes, yes, I’m fine.” 

She didn’t look fine. “Are you sure? Because I’m not. My partners are being… they’re acting like they know how they’re supposed to act but all it’s doing is making me do stuff I don’t want to do. Like I didn’t even want to leave the house today and I begged them to not invite my drunk aunt over for Christmas but mother knows best, you know? She does whatever she likes and then pretends it’s for my own good.” Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Why was she still talking? 

“Who are you?” Nancy asked and somehow Robin sensed that Nancy was wondering the same thing, why was she still talking to her? 

“Robin. Robin Buckley. We have chemistry. The class. We have chemistry class together at school. Hawkins High.” She refrained herself from adding Go, Tigers to her speech. 

“Right.” 

“Sorry, you probably have your own holidays to get to, let me just…” She pointed her thumb toward the fridge and Nancy stepped aside. 

Robin looked at the different selection of bottles. She wasn’t sure which one her cousins would prefer. At least she assumed she was buying it for the minors and not for some type of special cocktail her mom was thinking up. Those never tasted good. She noticed a bottle that looked somewhat familiar, maybe a brand her parents had bought her when she was a kid. Her hands grabbed it, all under the watchful eye of Nancy Wheeler. 

She knew Nancy was still watching her, could feel those blue eyes staring holes in the side of her face, which is exactly why she continued staring at the bottle she now held in her hands. 

“Robin?” Something had changed in Nancy’s voice and Robin wanted to learn what it was. 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you have anywhere to be right now?” 

Act II

Strangers to friends

Everything had changed after that first meeting. When school started up in January, Nancy sought her out. Third period on Monday, Nancy dropped down in the seat next to Robin for their shared chemistry class with a shy smile. Robin’s own smile bright enough to light up the Christmas tree her parents forgot to take down. 

“Is this okay?” Nancy had asked. 

“Of course, this is great.” Robin replied and maybe she shouldn’t have sounded so eager. But her words eased the tension in Nancy’s shoulders and she really couldn’t regret anything that had that effect. 

So, they sat together during chemistry. And then they started sitting together during lunch twice a week. Mondays and Thursdays, the two lunches Nancy’s boyfriend spent in the darkroom to develop pictures. And then they started sitting together during lunch all the time. Even when Jonathan sat next to her, Nancy’s attention wouldn’t waver from Robin. And then they started calling each other, late at night. 

It was during those calls that Robin really got to know Nancy. Somehow the distance between them made it easier for Nancy to open up. Robin learned that Nancy wanted to become a journalist, that she’d always loved writing in any capacity but that with age and experience she had gotten addicted to diving into mysteries and unraveling them for all to see. Robin had wanted to ask about this experience but she had bitten her tongue. 

She learned that Nancy didn’t like the cold. And the way she had said it made Robin wonder if there was a reason for it. 

She learned that Barb hadn’t run away. The night they had that conversation they both ended up crying on the phone until they fell asleep. According to Nancy, Barb had gotten into an accident. She had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Robin didn’t want to accept this answer but she didn’t really have a choice. 

She learned that Nancy was determined and stubborn and smart. She learned that Nancy didn’t see herself that same way. She learned that maybe deep down she was falling in love with Nancy. 

And then summer approached and Nancy got a wonderful internship at the Hawkins Post, she had been ecstatic when she called Robin to tell her the good news, and Robin… Well, Robin had applied to every single store that had opened at the mall and had only gotten a chance from Scoops Ahoy. It hadn’t been her first choice, or her second or third, but it was a job and she needed the money. 

Nancy had been sitting on the Buckley couch when Robin had gotten the call. Nancy had seen the way Robin wasn’t all that excited for her own summer endeavors. And Nancy had tried to cheer her up instantly. 

And Robin had appreciated it. 

It was only when she learned that Nancy had gotten Jonathan a spot at the paper that something started to burn in her chest. It hadn’t helped that she had been informed of that on the same day Steve Harrington was hired at Scoops Ahoy. She’d be spending her summer with her nemesis while Nancy and Jonathan got to live out their dream, and it stung a little. 

It stung a little less when Nancy came into Scoops Ahoy on her days off. Always right around Robin’s lunch break. Always ordering a different flavor and tipping royally. Always wearing a skirt. 

“And I know I shouldn’t care what they think but it’s too much for me to take at this point. It’s humiliating.” Nancy pushed a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. 

“Who said you shouldn’t care?” Robin frowned at her lunch, no ice cream for her, she’d gotten sick of the treat after two weeks. 

“Jonathan. He said I shouldn’t care because they don’t know what they’re talking about but-”

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care. I mean yeah, fuck these man for talking shit about you. You are better than them. But that doesn’t mean they should just get away with it. You’re brilliant and they should regret ever saying otherwise.” 

Maybe that had been a bit too much. There would come a moment when Nancy saw right through her and maybe that would be now. Because Nancy was looking at her with her mouth slightly agape, the spoon still resting on her tongue and her eyes wide. 

“Thank you. I think I really needed to hear that. Jonathan keeps telling me to suck it up because it’s such an amazing experience but I can’t just sit still and look pretty and do nothing.” 

Okay maybe Robin got away with it this time. 

“Don’t suck it up, Nance. Stand up for yourself. If you think there is potential in this article then write it and please, Nance, don’t give up. If Jonathan won’t stand by your side, I will.”

Nancy smiled. “Enough about me, tell me about your week. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.” 

So Robin did. “Somehow Steve is getting worse at flirting and I didn’t know that was possible. I still can’t believe he got you to date him.” 

“He was different in high school, you know that.” 

“Was he really that different?” 

“I guess so.” 

And maybe it was wishful thinking but there almost seemed to be a new glint, a new spark, in Nancy’s eyes. 

Act III

Love confessions

“Have you ever been in love?” Robin wasn’t sure where the words came from. Maybe because in the back of her mind a soft voice kept chanting Nancy, Nancy, Nancy. 

“Yep, Nancy Wheeler. First semester, senior year.” Steve followed the words with a sound that must be mimicking a gun. And Robin felt her own heart break. 

Somehow she and Steve had become friends. Through the translations and the scheming and the Russian layer with its doctors and drugs, it really wasn’t that hard to bond. 

“Oh my God, she’s such a priss.” And maybe the truth serum was wearing off because she didn’t really mean that. Nancy was more than a priss. 

“Turns out, not really.” 

Robin wanted to know more. But her own envy got in the way. She couldn’t bear to hear of all that Steve and Nancy had gotten up to. 

“Are you still in love with Nancy?” 

Please say no, please say no, please for the love of God say no. 

“No.” 

Oh thank God.

“Why not?” How could anyone not be in love with Nancy Wheeler? 

“I think it’s because I found someone who’s a little bit better for me.” What? “It’s crazy. Ever since Dustin got home, he’s been saying ‘you know you gotta find your Suzie, you gotta find your Suzie’-“

“Wait, who’s Suzie?” Robin interrupted.

“It’s some girl from camp, I guess his girlfriend. To be honest with you, I’m not 100% sure she’s even real. But that’s not- that’s not really the point. That doesn’t matter. The point is there is this girl, you know, the one that I like, it’s somebody that I… didn’t even talk to in school.” 

Oh God no, don’t say that. Robin exhaled, feeling this anxious tension crawl up her body. 

“And I don’t even know why. Maybe cause Tommy H. would’ve made fun of me or… I wouldn’t be… prom king. It’s stupid, I mean, Dustin’s right, it’s all just a bunch of bullshit anyway. Because when I think about it I should’ve been hanging out with this girl the whole time. First of all, she’s hilarious. She’s so funny. I feel like this summer I have laughed harder than I have laughed… in a really long time.”

Robin couldn’t help but smile a little. She did like Steve. She liked Steve a lot. Just not like this. She had finally found her people. Nancy and Steve. And yet she had fallen in love with the first one and was about to be forced to reject the other. Life wasn’t fair. 

“And she’s smart. Way smarter than me. You know, she can crack, like, top secret Russian codes and… you know? She’s honestly unlike anyone I’ve ever even met before.” 

Goddamit Steve! Why? 

Robin put her head in between her knees. She was going to throw up. 

“Robin?” Steve knocked on the wooden stall. Robin looked up, but Steve couldn’t see that. He couldn’t see the uncomfortable smile on her face. “Robin, did you just OD in there?”

“No.” Robin sighed heavily. “I… am still alive.” Unfortunately. She took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. 

And then Steve was sliding under the stall toward her. 

“The floor is disgusting.” Robin said, more out of instinct than anything else. She’d never been good at keeping her mouth shut. 

“Yeah, well, I already got a bunch of blood and puke on my shirt, so… What do you think?” 

“About?”

“This girl.”

“She sounds awesome.” 

“She is awesome. And what about the guy?” 

“I think he’s on drugs, and he’s not thinking straight.” 

“Really? Cause I think he’s thinking a lot more clearly than usual.” 

“He’s not.” Robin prided herself on her stern gaze. “Look… he doesn’t even know this girl. And if he did know her, like- like really know her, I don’t think he’d even want to be her friend.” Was she actually doing this? Was she actually about to confess her biggest secret to Steve Harrington in the dirty Starcourt mall bathroom. 

“No, that’s not true. No way is that true.” Steve leaned forward. 

“Listen to me, Steve. It’s shocked me to my core but I like you. I really like you. But I’m not like your other friends.” 

“Robin, that’s exactly why I like you.” 

Oh God, she was actually going to do this. “Steve, earlier when I talked about being jealous and, like, obsessed, it wasn’t because I had a crush on you. It’s because you got to kiss her.” 

“Who?” 

“Nancy Wheeler. You got to kiss her and hold her and you got to call her yours. And all I can do is be her friend and endure the lengthy conversations about her boyfriend just so she’ll look at me. Because it might be torture to hear about Jonathan or about what things were like with you, but it is worth it for that smile on her face and that spark in her eyes. I’d give everything for her to feel that way about me.” 

“What?” The door to the bathroom fell shut. Steve and Robin turned their heads towards the intrusion. There stood Nancy Wheeler for once sporting a pair of high waisted pants and a black and red striped shirt. 

“Nancy?” Robin exhaled the name. “I can explain.” 

“Okay.” Nancy stood there blinking at her and Robin wasn’t sure she could explain, her mind was still fuzzy. 

“What are you doing here?” She said instead and maybe she should have started with that question. She crawled to her feet. 

“Dustin, he radioed. He was worried. I rushed over as soon as I could. Are you alright?” 

“Yeah, just injected with truth serum.” Robin chuckled uncomfortably.

“Is that why you said… what you said?” 

Robin wasn’t sure what to reply. She wasn’t even sure that was why she had said it. Indirectly it surely had been the cause. So, for perhaps the first time in her life, Robin said nothing. 

“Robin, do you like me?” Nancy took a careful step forward. 

“Of course I like you, we’re friends. I like my friends, everyone likes their friends.” She quickly looked at Steve but saw nothing but confusion on his face. 

“That’s not what I meant.” Another step. 

“Oh.” 

“Robin, do you like me?” Nancy repeated, slowly closing the distance between them. 

Her mouth felt dry, like she had been roaming the desert instead of a Russian layer under the local mall. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t get a word out. With a resigned sigh she nodded her head. 

“Oh God.” Nancy exhaled as if she had been holding her breath. “That’s good. That is so good.” She laughed softly. 

“It is?” Robin croaked out. 

“I thought… I thought I was imagining things. That you were just being nice when you complimented me and made grand speeches but now I know I wasn’t going crazy.” 

“You weren’t.” 

“I like you too, Robin.” 

“You what?” Robin nearly shouted the words. There was no way. Nancy must have misunderstood her. 

“I like you. You listen and you always know what to say. You know a little bit about everything, you’re so smart. You’re so beautiful. How could I not like you?” Nancy was standing close now, very close. 

“But you’re Nancy Wheeler?” 

“I am.” 

“What about Jonathan?” 

“We broke up. He didn’t understand me. Not like you do.” Nancy was staring up at her through her lashes. And then she was leaning in, closing the last bit of distance between them and pressing her lips against Robin’s in a featherlight kiss. 

“Oh my God, I’m never going to hear the end of this.” Steve groaned. 

“What?” Robin had almost forgotten he was there. 

“I’ve been flirting with girls all summer and they’ve all turned me down. You flirt with one girl and she ends up kissing you. We both know you are never shutting up about this, Robin.” 

Nancy laughed as she intertwined their hands.

[jovenshires]

i personally feel like if you're writing rpf you've gotta be prepared that the people you're writing about do have internet access and aren't clueless y'know? like. i understand not wanting them to see it and for their sake id hope they wouldn't either but no one is entitled to write about a real person and then demand that real person can't access something that is literally About Them. like. just bc they're "famous" doesn't make them public domain yknow.

now i do find those youtubers read fanfic videos kinda cringe personally too bc i mean they always have to choose bad or funny ones otherwise itd be 10h long and awkward. but yeah im also like. those people chose to write and upload those somewhere on a public forum that the people they're writing about Do have access to. i feel like that just comes with the territory in rpf. they aren't fictional and they can in fact read those. if you don't want them to it should be shared somewhere very personal imo.

but yeah obviously since the majority of the fics that do get picked for those vids are probably written by teenagers i do feel kinda bad for them for that but i feel like thats a hard lesson in that those people are in fact real and can see it. i never rly enjoy the content where ppl read fanfics about themselves tho for this reason. but if this is going to be submitted ones i think that might be funny and definitely a better way to go about this on their part. i still dread it tho and will probably cringe out of my skin (also i wonder who that video will include...)

i do agree with you. i put a warning before all my fics in the hopes that they won't read it, but as my dear friend mer always says, i'm not a cop. i can't control what you do. and i joke that i want spencer agnew to block me but it's just that - a joke (well, a half-joke). if they're seeking this out, that's on them at that point. they are grownups; they know how the internet works and they know how to avoid things and how to search them out. i can't even really be pissed if they put my work in a video, bc hey, it's out there (even if i would rather they didn't look in my general direction). but at the same time, i will say this:

i am making these things about smosh members, but they're certainly not for smosh members. they can read them if they wish or use them if they wish (like i said i literally cant do anything to stop them bc, you're right, we do publish these things publically) but they're not made for them. so when they read them and they're like "oh, that's weird, who would write something like that," well. it wasn't intended for them to read in the first place. and now they've gone and alienated a bunch of people who looked up to them. people who watched their content and were inspired to create something. it's kind of hard to stomach when they're mocking a portion of their fanbase - and not only are they mocking them, but they're making them a butt of the joke for other portions of their fan base. they uplift fan artists and video editors, but fic authors for some reason are always looked down upon. i think there's a difference between acknowledging it exists / talking about it and directly making content to target it you know.

i don't know if there's a "lesson" to be learned from all this. i don't personally think those teens who were writing that fanfiction deserve to be ridiculed for it. i think they'd found a way to express themselves and that's great. i personally hadn't written for months when i started writing smosh fic again, and writing is truly one of my biggest passions in life. the smosh cast, who i'm incredibly grateful for, led me back to it. but i digress; maybe i'm just naive.

i'll also add: i'm not saying, like, fuck the smosh cast for this btw. like i do agree it is their right to look at things on the internet made about them and use it for content. they're even allowed to make fun of it. i'm sure to some people it is weird to read stuff like that about yourself, they're allowed to say that and have that opinion. so go ham, make this kind of video all you want. im just saying it's kind of a dick move and i personally am not a fan of it. but im not gonna stop watching smosh over it or anything and i don't think the cast is worse people for it. i just dislike this kind of video. i dislike a lot of videos - i don't enjoy the tntl trivial pursuit videos and the fortnite videos either. this doesn't make me any less of a fan of theirs, just an opinionated fan.

anyway, like i said, i'm glad it's submitted fics - truly, i'm thrilled. it's still not for me (like i said i already have a hard enough time watching smosh pit theater........ i simply cant do this) but i think it's fine and a good way to go about it!! i hope the video is, for everyone who enjoys this kind of thing, a good video. as for whos gonna be in it - could be anybody at this point (ive read so many pairings yall have no idea) but im so certain i/anthony is gonna be there.

tldr: i do agree, but i also think the renditions of this they've done in the past have mocked fic writers for no good reason. if you want to watch the video i hope you enjoy, and i'm glad they're using submitted fics this time ! <3

[studiesof-fandom]

hey, hope ur doing well. i'm writing a paper on participatory culture and doing a case study of the goncharov event that happened late last year, and i just wanted to say: first and foremost thank you. the google drive with the pdfs is a godsend, and it makes me so happy to see people caring about accessibility. and second, do u happen to have anything on the history of fandom on tumblr specifically? like, how/why tumblr became a space for fandom to operate on, and such. 1/2

sorry, continuing here. everything relevant i found online was behind a paywall, and im not from the US so its very hard for me to pay in dollars, as much as id like to. so, if you know of anything, an article, paper, a tumblr post, it would help me a lot! well, thanks again. this blog is extremely awesome, and i bookmarked the google drive to possibly read some stuff in the future just for the fun of it. thank you so much (for a third time. i am very grateful) bye, have a nice day! - @17alternative

I'm happy to help! As a teacher I think knowledge should be free and that's the goal here ♥ About your research: I remember that the Chapter 22 of A Companion to Media Fandom and Fan Studies talks about Tumblr and fandom, but I don't know if it'll help you.

I found a few stuff @ Tumblr's page on Fanlore (tip: to start a research about anything fandom related, ALWAYS start with Fanlore):

Slashcast 42: Tumblr and the New Direction of Fandom

Why Did Fans Flee LiveJournal, and Where Will They Go After Tumblr?

TWC Vol. 27 (2018): Tumblr and Fandom

Our blog Tumblr tag

I never tried it, but this place says the extension works for eliminating paywall, so it might help you.

I hope I helped you! And if anyone here knows other articles, please post the link in the post!

[nikomedes]

i don’t want to add on to the post directly but i rly am grateful for that “when u actually commit to sitting down and unpacking ur trauma after living ur life in it, everything will get Very Bad before it gets better” bc legitimately. okay clown moment imminent. july this year i went into therapy and was like “hey bestie! im so glad we could reconnect after u got me thru a crisis five years back! i think fortunately u got me thru my latest crisis so it may be time for us to stop seeing each other again! 🥰” and she, my fucking ride or die will not take my bullshit therapist, went “oh thats so good to hear! 🥳💖 so we can definitely do that or yknow. we could start work on the trauma underlying this long-term cycle of struggle i help u out with every few years? 🤔 lmk”

and i immediately started crying lmao. bc she was right and like, im the most emotionally, physically, and financially stable ive been in my entire life. and it was time. i have been living w layers of maladaptive coping mechanisms and unexamined beliefs about my life from traumas at 4, 16, 19, 24… all the survival quite triumphant but really just layers of scabs. i needed to debride the wounds. rebreak the bones to set them right. metaphors yknow

yall it sucks so bad. p much ever since ive been in a spiral of my worst behaviors and desperately clinging to comforts with my claws out. all time lows for household management, work performance, personal hygiene, you name it. but also? i know i feel so bad in direct proportion to how much i need to work on this stuff. and between therapy, her thoughtful book recs so i can learn about psychological tools as we work with them, the most half-assed journal keeping youve seen in ur life, the support of friends and family, meds, etc etc, i can feel stuff shifting. im past the point of recommending therapy to everyone and i know esp in the US access is behind so many bullshit hurdles. but however u go about it, when ur in a place that can support becoming Goop in an effort to fully heal, its worth it. u gotta. its what we deserve, aka the full chance at living a life we rly love

anyway here’s a meme my friend and beloved podcast cohost made when i went to the gc the first time to lament Turning Into Soup after deciding to actively work on stuff

they do know now. and theyre proud of me, even while im Goop

[mikuhats]

If u dont mind the question was it difficult to get on T? Like was the process long or tricky? Ive been thinking abt going on it once im an adult but idk what to expect. And i live in CA if dats relevant info

State is definitely relevant, but seeing as california is generally trans friendly I don't think it's too much of a worry in this case? Me personally, I live in PA, which is pretty neutral (if vaguely progressive) on trans stuff. For me it was a pretty easy process. I looked up planned parenthoods near me and chose the one with the best reviews (also keep in mind not all of them offer HRT when you're looking) and I called them and said I wanted to set up an appointment to talk about getting prescribed testosterone . Going forward I'm going to talk about my process with PP, but if you don't have access to a PP, I truly have no advice on what to expect when bringing this up with a general doctor or anyone else . You can do in an person appointment or telehealth, but for me I did a telehealth since it was the only way I could go forward with the appointment at the day I wanted it to be. Now the next part is HEAVILY dependent on the doctor you end up seeing and the insurance you have (if you go the route of co-paying the medication), because some doctors & insurances are more picky . My doctor was willing to prescribe me testosterone immediately without much question, my insurance didn't want anything extra, and I'm very grateful for that . This next part is a lot of second hand information I've gathered from A Lot Of Research before I actually made any appointment, but other doctors might want you to be very direct about your being trans & needing to be on T, some might put you on a wait list, and some insurances might require you to be diagnosed with something or other before they're willing to pay for your medication . In general I would say it's very important to look up how exactly your specific insurance goes about covering HRT & trans healthcare as a whole . PP appointments and testosterone in general can get pretty expensive without any coverage, so it's important to be prepared for this if you have none. Assuming that's all go then the appointment itself should quite simple, in my case it was basically just answering normal cursory questions, asking me what I wanted out of testosterone, and asking what route I wanted to go for administering it (if you choose injection they will ask you what method you prefer & in my case they prescribed me the needles I needed as well) . If they prescribe it, you will have to do bloodwork before you can actually have the prescription sent over to the pharmacy . That's about all I can think of to mention... Sorry this is very long , I just figured the more detail would be helpful. My experience was not that hard, the initial appointment wasn't even very long honestly, so I hope in your case it is easy too 🙏

[skin-slave]

Who wants to hear a bathroom stall horror story?

So I'm in an indoor flea market and I bleed thru everything. Good thing there's a bathroom. It has 2 stalls. I don't like using the accessible stalls. The other seems tight. But I'm a chunky person, so sometimes they are. It's fine. I'm in a hurry.

Upon sitting, I realize the seat is lower than my knees. And there's about 3" between my knees and the stall door. And my left shoulder is right up against the paper dispenser. I'm 5'1" and my shoulders are avg - maybe 18". This is not a matter of chunk.

I can't switch stalls now. I'm committed. I am Hercules in the Augean stables. I will endure.

I am so compressed that I have to reach my right hand over to the left to get paper. I look for the trashcan. There isn't one. So I have to wrap everything up extra good and just kinda hold it, while trying to Houdini the new stuff into place.

Meanwhile, I am tormented by these works:

Two exhausted lovers, perpetually trapped by carnality and absurdity, silenced and starving. A tragic beauty with resigned poise, unable to change the nightmare she cannot stop watching. Their eyes beg.

Standing up is a challenge. I'm too close to the ground, and there's no room to lean in any direction. One hand is full and hovering in mid-air. I can tell that the position has affected the blood flow in my legs, but I am fueled by desperation. My success is like that of a soldier who leaves the battlefield piecemeal under a flag of triumph.

This is a house-style commode and I cannot spin 'round to reach the flush handle. I turn one leg sideways and stretch behind myself with my free hand. In my contorted position, I'm grateful that there was a lid to close beforehand.

Opening the stall door is like taking a long-awaited breath.

I duck into the accessible stall to throw the stuff away. No. There isn't a trashcan in there either. Just the one small can next to the sink. I know that it's not my fault, but I feel ashamed as I drop my burden into it.

I wash my hands and a wave of emotion breaks over me. Why do I feel so alienated in my struggle? Was it designed for me alone? If I leave the room, then come back, will the stalls be re-arranged? What cursed item lurks in the market, ancient and malevolent, with the ability to create this most private of hells? Does its tag reflect the price I have paid?

The paper towel dispenser refuses to give me a reasonable amount. A numbness overtakes me. I do not expect comfort in this place. I dry my hands 4" at a time.

The elevator music and tchotchkes are there when I exit, but they are no longer welcoming. I move toward the exit, a lesser woman. Some piece of myself is surely left behind, perched upon a sale display, to wait for deliverance that will never come.

[innbetween]

Happy Audio Drama Sunday! This week we'd like to tell you about the crew that makes this show work! You already know me, Hannah Wright, I write and direct the show, but I couldn't do this alone.

William Wright is our assistant director and my actual real life brother. He's a fount of good vibes and good ideas; he sits in on every recording session, directs when I cannot, and when we were recording in person, served as gopher as well. (Listen, I didn't mean to leave the computer charger at home...) His moral support is invaluable.

Katherine Ayers is our audio wizard, which means she makes the sound go. She is an absolute legend for one reason: she likes dialogue editing. She enjoys the bit where you make all the lines go in the right place and stuff. I don't know anything about audio, but I'm told that makes her a rare gem, and I'm like, I already knew that! Katherine is the reason this show happened, enriching our show with her audio editing expertise. She makes us all sound good!

Ria Couoh is our transcriber. Accessibility is important to us, and one of the easiest ways to make Inn Between accessible is to have accurate, complete, beautiful transcripts in multiple formats. And can I just say that I hate doing that part? I am so glad that Ria takes the time to make those transcripts, so that everyone can enjoy Inn Between!

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Tal Minear, who we brought on as a crowdfunding consultant and then decided just because to make ALL OF OUR CUTE GRAPHICS. The things we’re posting every day? Tal did that! Using, it must be said, Canva assets from the artist Marx Fidel!

Jordan Kalina is a new addition to our show this season! Jordan has joined us as a director and consultant to teach myself and one of our actors how to approach panic attacks with respect and like, safely. So that no one hyperventilates. For Jordan's expertise, we are so grateful.

We also have a mystery sensitivity reader, who we are lucky enough to have consulting us on physical disabilities. Why is her identity a mystery? Because she's also playing Phoebe! We will reveal her name in just a couple days.

Don't you want to help us pay these nice people? Of course you do! Help us fund Inn Between season five!

[rothjuje]

I’m finally feeling back to my normal self and it’s so. nice. Around Thanksgiving my mental health took a nosedive. It started with a small existential crisis and then a bunch of small things snowballed (kids being sick since mid October, Justin traveling a lot, no Thanksgiving plans, my friend keeping me sane went back to work, Alyssa struggling behaviorally and academically, George struggling with public outings, anxiety flare up, and a bad period). Whew.

Anyway. Existential crisis is still alive and well, but it’s mostly situational. Our goal, for our entire 10 years together, has been to move to a desirable location. We have been working on relocating somewhere where we both can be happy and put down roots. And now we’re here, and I am deeply grateful for that, but also I am left without A Goal and it’s made me panicky.

I have so many small goals, but my story arc is gone. I think it’s the ADHD in me that is attracted to bright and shiny goals. It is challenging to emotionally invest myself into just regular life stuff. Adderall has helped me get regular life stuff done, but when they wear off the consuming panic of why does consciousness exist/why am I here/what should I be doing? sets in.

I’m hoping eating more vegetables and daily exercise and my sun therapy lamp will quiet it.

Anyway. Our 6 month (!!!) anniversary of moving to MA was Dec 19. I cannot believe we’ve been here for 6 months. Well, I can, it feels like a lifetime. Jan 15 will be 6 months at home in Georgetown.

We walked the property for the first time recently (yeah I don’t know why it took 5 months, but also couldn’t take twins to the top of the mountain with no trail so needed a babysitter) and discovered property that we thought was ours is not and property we thought wasn’t ours is. Which is very surprising after living here for almost half a year haha.

Apparently from the edge of our front lawn and all the way back to the top of the hill is two thirds of our 1.84 acres. We thought the hill went further up and that most of our land was unusable. But to the right there is a whole other part that we couldn’t even see before the leaves fell, and then we just assumed it was the neighbor’s. But it’s ours and it’s one third of our total land, which is a lot. And there are several flat spots! Lots of trees though. But definitely room for a fire pit and kids’ play area.

I’ve worked a lot with Alyssa recently, academically and behaviorally (she’s waitlisted for behavioral therapy) and she’s in a much better place and is able to complete assignments with minimal direction. She has a bit of a wild side, but I think it’s more ADHD related than from behavioral issues. We have a lot of similarities (very creative and perpetually bored) but my anxiety always kept my behavior in check. Alyssa is the opposite of a people pleaser, and I love her free spirit, but it makes cooperating in the classroom more of a challenge for her.

George is also in a better place with public outings. He got dragged on so many holiday errands and was a champ. I think if we don’t do errands for a while he’ll panic in public but if it’s regularly he knows what to expect and will actually scream less than Gen. But that’s no surprise, she’s still the feistiest three year old I know.

I need to go back to work. Or at least have the goal of going back to work to keep me sane. I’m going to pursue real estate for a year and if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. Classes here are only 40 hours and courses are currently on sale. I just need to jump.

What else? We’re getting an inexpensive treadmill as soon as we decide on if we’re doing the basement floors or not. I am going to run to the loudest music possible at 8 pm every night. I am going to DIY stairs to make the newfound property more easily accessible. Goats and bees are a go, but I’m not sure when. Chickens I’m still undecided for this year just because the amount of work (making and managing an incubator) and money (nice coops are pricey and wood is crazy expensive right now). So I do have some goals to keep me from going completely insane.

[nefastum]

What do you think of a GriffGutsCa modern day porn AU? I think the premise would be hot though the 3 of em being Pornstars.

Oooh this gives me ideas~ I enjoy this premise, love.

Come with me on a little ride, if you will ♡

-

⚠️// sort of nsfw ahead? //⚠️

I definitely feel like they would do self-published content rather than work for an agency.

Griffith has quite the online following. He has a page where he shares dramatic photos in elegant gothic fashion in various states of undress. Lots of lace and flowing shirts, corsets, and lingerie that shows off his best assets in a very regal and princely way. Prop crowns, swords, and even armor make their way into his photoshoots. Subscribers get access to uncensored versions and videos.

Being the supportive bf that he is, when Casca expresses interest in trying out taking some photos like Griffith, he was more than happy to help her set up her own page and boost her profile to his own followers (much to her embarrassment) She doesn't do the sets and costumes as much as Griff does, instead going for casual mirror shots or candid relaxed nudes sprawled on her bed. Her only condition is that her face stays anonymous, so she is usually wearing a medical mask or cleverly cropped out of the photos. Lots of sunset lighting and comfortable, teasing poses. Her page has a very comfy girlfriend vibe. She doesn't get into video work until a little later, but her bfs are more than happy to provide some more bodies for her scenes.

Guts was the last one to start his own page, and it took him awhile to get comfortable with the idea. After working with Griff and Casca in their vids a few times faceless, he finally relented to Griffith's encouragement and spun up an account. His photos and videos are much less scripted than his significant others'. Opting instead for candid post shower pics in the mirror or post workout dickpics. His followers are thirsty for it, though. Hell, he could photograph just his hands, and he'd have commenters asking him to spank/choke them. He's a little bewildered by the response, but it does feel nice to have people compliment him for taking pics of stuff he was already doing anyway. Nothing feels better than Griffith and Casca gushing in the comments under his posts, though. Their hype and appreciation is really all he needs. He doesn't start up a subscription account. Nothing he would post there that he didn't already post publicly, anyway.

Their followers were pretty collectively hyped the first time they confirmed they'd all be doing a collab on Griffith's subscription page. Full threesome scene, fully directed by Griffith with all the set dressings, costumes, and atmosphere he preferred. He played a king, desperate for the touch of real love, and his two loyal knights came to his evident rescue to fulfill their duty to him. Guts thought fucking in armor was a little bit of a pain, but he had to admit, seeing Griffith all dressed up like royalty but begging on his knees was doing it for him. Casca was grateful her helmet hid the faces she made as she took both of them at once. It was an intense scene, but they swore from that point on, more joint endeavors were in order. It made it easier to plan when they all lived together anyway.

-

Thank you for the lovely inspo, love~ I enjoyed this train of thought immensely 🙏 Hopefully you and others enjoy my take on GriffGutsCa porn creators!AU ngl, I kinda wanna see their pics now~ 😈🙏

[hrefna-the-raven]

Lawmen

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Words: 1537

Warnings: smut (18+)

Chapter 7 - Thou shalt love thy detective as thyself

Two months had passed since that eventful night including the Jackal and you. In all sincerity, things between the two of you had actually calmed down a bit and you were back to the usual professionality, at least on the surface. Two days after that night, you were back to work with him and his behaviour made you boil inside. He kept on working as nothing ever happened, not even a hint of remorse eventhough he started it all with his kiss, but somehow, in the deepest profundity of your mind, you were grateful for the lack of need to discuss this through, it would have been the most awkward talk you ever had. Little did you know of how Perkins really felt, for it might have changed the whole situation. He was a mere a shadow of himself after that night, barely capable of keeping his cold façade at work, while at home, alone, he kept on drinking his mind to an endurable silence, rocking his sobbing drunk self to sleep. You broke the man, which was an accomplishment many strived to achieve and you would never know about if he had any say in it.

Despite the confession and the kisses, things with Reed weren’t great either, pretending to not love someone over years exacted its toll, so there was not much to be expected except embarrassing stare offs and cringy silence between the occasional wiggings. Well isn’t life wonderful, you sighed and packed your stuff to leave for your training with Vaz, which was the sole pleasant constant nowadays. You took a liking to the slightly crazy guy, you thought and fought alike and you sensed a great friendship slowly but gently developing. An android greeted you as you entered the precinct, letting you pass immediately to its right. After a heated discussion with Captain Fowler, Vaz apparently managed to get you direct access, you weren’t part of any of the units in this building, but you were a Fed after all, so you’d hardly pass by to do any harm, not keeping count of the bruises on Vaz’ body after each of your sessions. You stopped at the coffee machine in the break room to have a quick cup before you head down to the sport’s equipment room when you spotted a familiar face.

“Hi Dave”, you smiled approaching the man who looked so different in his uniform.

His usually stern expression formed into a gentle smile as he spoke your name. The way his deep voice embraces every syllable of your name always made quiver inside. You got to know the man better over the last months, he seemed quite intriguing and you spent many evenings until late chewing the fat with him. Your eyes wandered off and stopped at his name badge.

“Captain Allen?”, you spoke out surprised.

He only chuckled in response as you continued.

“Hang on a sec, you’re not only a colleague of Vaz, you’re actually his friggin’ boss!”

David burst out laughing, causing you to blush embarrassedly. It was endearing to see the usually stern man, so carefree because you were clueless for once.

“You’re not only a Fed, but the Jackal’s partner and you had no idea who I was?”

“Hey, I’m no stalker, except my job expects me to be!”, you defensively lifted your hands in the air, “or do you have a criminal operation running that would need me investigating you?”, you grinned challenging.

“No, but I might start one if it means a beautiful clever woman would stalk me.”

He wiped a tear from his eye and gave you a charming wink that completely disarmed you. Before you could even begin to contemplate how to respond to his flirtatious behavior, a strong hand rested on your shoulder.

“Hands off, Captain, this one is mine!”, you recognised Gavin’s voice.

“Don’t you thi-“, he interrupted your contradiction by turning you around and pressing your body against his.

He pressed his lips on yours and pushed them apart with his tongue. You almost felt David’s disgusted headshake as he passed you, mumbling something opaque. Peeking through a half shut eye, you saw how Gavin purposely stared at the Captain. You expected him to release you after the two of you were alone but he just tightened his grip around your waist and if it wasn’t for the desperate need of air, you would have bet that his lips would have never left yours again. You were panting, he definitely caught you off-guard with his behaviour, not that it made you mad or it was unwanted, but after the silence, it was quite of a surprise, an arousing one, sort of and you almost groaned as he finally took his hands off you.

“I have been a douche, lately, and well, let’s start this whole thing over”, Gavin awkwardly rubbed his neck.

“Lately?”, you huffed.

“Always?”, he hesitantly tried to conciliate, “more than usual?”.

An involuntarily chuckle left your lips and you took his head between your small hands.

“You are, undeniably, the biggest idiot I know”, you struggled to keep your serious tone, “Gavin fucking Reed.”

His gaze dropped to the ground as he shifted uncomfortably on his feet. You dwelled in his sudden insecurity and feasted on the sight of the blush creeping up his cheeks. Seeing the idiot detective so flustered was actually a lovely sight and it gave you some welcomed assurance that he actually did care about you, pushing away the upcoming dread that he might be a bit more possessive than you cared for. You grabbed his hand and dragged him downstairs to the shower cabins of the training room.

“What are you doing? I need to finish my paper work and-“, you stifled him down by pressing your hand on his mouth.

“I’ve got fifteen minutes before Vaz shows up and I’m done playing the hoping and waiting game, it happens now, Reed!”

Baffled by your sudden harshness, he gulped nervously as you undid his belt and pushed down his pants and briefs. You licked your lips as you saw Gavin's abundant and already hard cock, you always thought he would exaggerate at the size, but between all the lies he ever told, you found one of the rare truths which only left you with more desire. You kneeled before him and slowly took his twitching cock in your mouth, starting to slowly bob your head up and down. Gavin struggled at first to keep quiet as you sucked faster, occasionally flicking your tongue over his sensitive throbbing head, but then completely lost it as soon as you sucked harder and he hit the back of your throat. The sweet taste of his precum filled your mouth as you went back to teasing his tip eagerly. Gavin, panting and moaning, grabbed your hair and pulled your head away. You got up and started to undress in front of him, since, later, you would need to change into your sports outfit anyway, you felt comfortable to take off everything, slowly piece by piece, leaving Gav drooling and aching with his desire for you surging through his whole body.

"Come on, Detective, I want you right here, right now!", turning around gently, pressing your ass against his wheeping dick.

A wicked grin spread across his lips, this teasing game could as well by a two player game. He put his tip at your entrance, nudging a bit, without really entering.

"I don't know, Agent, I'm not sure if we should work this closely together to solve this - immediate - case - of - horniness", he stressed out every last word, provoking your impatience.

"Don't play with fire, Reed!", you groaned and bucked you hips towards him, causing him to slide inside you without time to react.

The two of you moaned loudly at the sudden release and pleasure and your walls tightened around his thick cock. He briefly adjusted his position before pulling almost all the way out of you to then thrust back in just as slowly. You whimper, every muscle in your body tense as Gavin continues to speed up his leisurely pace, pushing in and out of you faster and harder at every thrust. He felt you tighten around him and you both groaned in ecstasy as you grew closer to your climax. He dug his fingers deeper into your hips, trying to pull you closer and pushing inside deeper. You both cried out each others names as you came undone and you let out a last satisfied moan as you felt his seed filling you up inside. Gavin took his dripping cock out of you and turned you around, putting one hand on your back and one on your cheek, pulling you so close that the tips of your noses touched each other. His hazy eyes stared right into your soul, making your skip more than just one beat.

"I love you, you know that right?", he breathed hard through his nose, while a few sweat pearl ran down his front.

"It might just happen that I love you too, douche", you whispered.

Chapter 8

[therehavebeenstranger]

Okay! @stankhead just tagged me in their brand new tag game about our top artistic influences. I really really love this and am honestly very grateful to grem for giving me a little opportunity to be reflective about this right now; for context, i am about two weeks out from graduating with an MFA in creative writing (fiction track) from [redacted prominent midwestern university w decently-renowned 40 yr old mfa which has been attacked in recent years by humanities-hating admin, there you go, now everybody who follows the chronicle of higher ed can probably dox my ass] and so it’s nice, at this transition moment, to take a step back and think about the influences that have shaped my writing on a global level. I think it’s super useful and i’m typing this in a word doc so i can hang onto it for later. Okay enough chit chat. I’m gunna try to limit this to no more than like 4 or 5

Carmen Maria Machado—CMM is one of my biggest, most direct, and most obvious influences. She came to my college campus to lead a workshop and give a reading in the months leading up to the publication of her body and other parties. I was a sophomore (or maybe this was late freshman year?????) and encountering her work totally and completely shifted what i write and how i write. Complete reframe on what speculative fiction was and what it could do. HBaOP went on to have a big impact on me (esp. formally weird stories like Especially Heinous) but at the moment i was obsessed with her stories the husband stitch and my body, herself

Peak Cracked Dot Com—but especially everything DOB touched when he was there! I was a regular cracked reader from the age of 11 to the exact day that all those layoffs happened, and by regular i mean that every day i had access to the internet i read/watched/listened every piece of new content they published, whether or not i gave a shit about the subject matter. Cracked’s influence on me is less easy to tangibly track than CMM, but i literally boiled my forming brain in that site and i think the style permeates me work. Cracked had this strand of pedantry that necessitated dwelling with strange research and subject matter and letting things sort of spiral and cook and letting the obsession change the voice. (also, subject matter—this article inspired an obsession w Dorothy Arnold which became a story that will be published later this year.) It had a huge impact on my sense of humor and the way i approach dialogue, even when i’m not conscious of that. For dialogue i am especially thinking of video content like after hours and agents of cracked (the way the “swaim proving that that guy fu-u-u-cks goats” monologue hits in this ep *changed me forever). In general, i think my approach to narrative voice was really impacted by the fact that i spend my adolescence reading DOB’s old “my brief time as (blank)” articles and shit like “yer gramma was built like a brick shit-house in her day”

*if you click that link fair warning that the video is from like 2010 and def has some stuff that makes me uncomfortable in hindsight, including at least one use of the r word

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy—man. This is one of the great novels of all time, isn’t it???? i was assigned it in ib english senior year of high school and i’ve tried to read it at least once a year since. Pieces of the language regularly float back to me—“a viable, dieable age” “a sariflapping” “the time was ten to two” “the history woman in the history house.” Roy does things with language that i didn’t know you could do—makes paragraphs which are so thick and lush that they feel humid and green. Sticks words together to make new and better ones. Talks frankly about the story being told by the story. Like, that’s one of the things that’s so brilliant, right? From go, you know that sophie mol and velutha will die. The question is not what will happen in the story but how the story will be told and how it will mean to us. The language bears that out. It has totally suffused in my brain, it’s a lens through which i read everything. Also i think it’s about time for my annual reread of this book, ha.

What the moon brought by Sadie rose weilerstein—see, this is why i love this tag. I would not have pegged this book as an influence before being tasked w this reflexive task, but it looms large in my mind!!! My copy of this book—a collection of stories about sisters Ruth and Debbie as they go through their jewish year in the american suburbs, living their lives and observing jewish holy days—was ancient, falling apart; it had been purchased for my mother and her siblings in the early 60s. i was obsessed with it. it was the first book i read which treated Judaism as a fact of american life, if that made sense? Or the first book where i was conscious of Judaism as a force shaping story, time, etc. i mean it’s literally about what the moon brought; a recognition of the lunar jewish calendar. A different kind of time keeping. It told me that jewish stories were and are interesting, singular, rich, and worth pursuing. including a picture of the cover bc i love the cover :)

The fourth state of matter by jo ann beard—this essay is amazing, not that i am the first to say so. It’s worth reading, though i’ll warn that its content (it’s about a shooting that happened on a college campus) can obviously be tough to deal with. This has a very direct impact in my mind. My first creative writing prof ever used this essay to teach us about psychic distance, and learning about psychic distance was like—not like getting a new tool in my little writer’s toolkit, but like having the key that unlocked the kit in the first place.

There’s more, of course there’s more, but this is a thousand words so i’ll call it here. again, thank u gremlin for coming up with this tag it’s lovely and so useful. i'll tag @pintobordeaux and @januariat but i really genuinely encourage anybody who sees this post to do this kind of accounting. it's really useful and illuminating :)

[ruporas]

It’s been really nice talking with you too, makes my heart very happy, you’re so sweet and it’s been just really really nice <33333 I appreciate all your kindness very much.

There are at least 3 people sending asks about shops rn also btw, the first one about the zine yesterday was someone else and there was another today about a shop, I’m sure there are a lot of people who would buy things from you, you have such a… your art feels like when you experience it it’s inside your chest to me. Like it blooms with your heart as you get to touch it and sits warmly with you and doesn’t slip away if that make sense. It’s something that I know personally I would get a lot of comfort from being able to look over and see in my space and I’m sure other people would too.

Art is something I value so much, it’s worth so much to me and I love to make art and listen to it and see it and feel it and live in it as much as possible. It’s how I experience a lot of joy and love and process things and feel life. I love stories. It’s love to me idk!! I love artists and I love that people share things and I love to spend time holding art in my heart and experiencing it and I appreciate it more than I can articulate that you and other people post things and share things and I make art too so I know it’s often a part of our hearts and minds and it’s vulnerable to share things that come from us like that and it’s challenging to even make them often and it’s love to me. So yeah I want you to know that you’re doing something I think is so special and important and wonderful just by making art at all <3333

Art being accessible to people is what’s given me everything and I appreciate it so much. There’s something really nice about having art that’s not in my screen that I didn’t make myself to be in as well though, and that’s worth a lot to me. Your comics and other pieces are poetry and love to me and I’m like. Really deeply grateful and happy that you’re considering making things available for people to have in their physical spaces <33333

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ MUCH LOVE TO YOU!!!! I TYPED A BIT so i'll put it under a read more... but thank you so much...!!!

your words are so kind and dear to me and gahh the way you describe how my work feels T___T i had to literally take a minute or 20 to have that sink in -- IT MADE ME REALLY HAPPY TO READ, it feels so nice to hear that my work can have that lasting effect... i think i mentioned alr, but one of my biggest comfort when receiving replies and stuff about my work is just knowing that people can feel something strongly in my work and knowing it's a warm feeling makes me feel giddy.

you have such a wonderful way of describing your passion for art too, in the collection and making of it..! i share similar sentiments, nothing i can describe as well as u did already, but art is an important everyday intake for me too, just seeing it on the dash and other socmed is an instant serotonin... and also the community it can help develop, the connection built to others who love and share the same interests... i love that sentiment of viewing art as love!! because it really is, there's passion and life poured into works created and it's a special thing to have in the everyday.

i have a few prints on my walls and i understand completely that it feels different having it physically than on a screen..! i never considered it before for my own work, but looking at the prints i have, it really radiates an unique kind of joy and comfort. knowing that someone else could have my stuff on their wall and feel similarly gives me a lot of encouragement T_T thank you so so much again for your wonderful words and for giving me a push in this direction... and i'm very happy knowing that there's anyone at all interested in having my work physically.

i'm so so grateful for these messages!!! sometimes im doing other stuff thruout the day but i remember these messages and i feel like 800x better, IT'S JUST.. SO ENCOURAGING and keeps me going. i do a lot of art for myself, but in the end, i love it most when my work can make others feel happy in any way and hearing it directly from someone else is reassuring that im doing something right in my work..! thank you!!!