#even though i did a lot of research about peoples experiences they never really helped me feel less nervous about what exactly to expect | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

copperbadge · 8 months ago

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Lately, it's felt like every time I've started to work on writing, I'll just be getting into the rhythm of it when I get interrupted, either by work or the cats or because the time I'd booked in the library study room is up (you can only do two hours at a time, and only four hours a week total). It was getting to the point where I kept re-reading the same chapter or so of previous work but never managing to add to it.

So I tried an experiment this past weekend -- I found a really cheap rate on a local hotel room, and on Friday I took an overnight bag and a very old laptop with limited processing power and checked into a room about a mile from home for a quasi "staycation". I unpacked and had a quiet night on Friday, as prelude to working Saturday-Sunday. The idea was to write uninterrupted by other people, pets, the presence of all my Stuff around me at home, et cetera.

I had snacks but I also bought meals out, which was nice; I don't often order in or buy out when I'm at home. The way I set up was that I would do fifty minutes of writing with do-not-disturb engaged on my phone and then ten minutes of checking email, texts, etc. since often what pulls me out of writing is a text or an email that needs answering, or the anxiety that I'm missing one that would. If I set it so that every hour I check, well, nobody's going to die if something doesn't get answered in an hour, so the anxiety isn't there, and neither is the distraction. (I found a nice app for this, review later depending on how functional it continues to be for me, but it's a like $4 app called Forest.)

It worked pretty well -- writing for an uninterrupted hour, as long as I know what I'm working on, is very functional for me. I average about two thousand words, that way, though there is a limit to the number of hours I can put in. I ended up doing two hours in the morning and one hour in the afternoon, then switched from fiction writing to clearing out my tumblr drafts and some correspondence for the fourth hour. So it went something like

Go out and get breakfast, bring back and eat in room

Change into lounging clothes and do two one-hour sessions

Go out and get lunch, eat lunch out

Bit of a rest break back in the room

Two one-hour sessions, one of writing; when tired, switch to something that requires less creativity

Go out and get dinner, bring back and eat in room

And then in the evening the plan was to watch movies or catch up on reading, but I ended up being mentally weary, so instead I did some simple tarot reading. It was less divination or even meditation than just messing around, keeping the creativity stimulated; I did a couple of Creative Writing spreads, some very brief divination spreads (I nicked a nice three-card spread here that I mentally call He To Hecuba, and just used it in general rather than for a specific question) and then invented a spread when I was starting to get irritated that the same like, five cards kept coming up, more on this in its own post.

Sunday I did one more writing session but it was less successful, I think partly because what I was writing required a lot of research and partly because the previous day I'd dumped eight thousand words into the file. (Research took longer because I brought the most garbage laptop known to man, and the browsers crash if you try to open Google Maps, but in other ways it was ideal since there wasn't much I could do on it other than write.) But I had a good breakfast, got some rest, packed up easily enough, and headed home just ahead of the rain storm.

I don't think it's something I'll be able to do in that format especially often, since the deal I got on the hotel was an anomaly and Chicago lodging, even just AirBNB stuff, is stupid expensive. But in addition to helping get some work done it was a nice break, so I'm going to look into ways I could swing it on a perhaps monthly basis, or some other way to cheaply spend an entire day alone with decent access to a bathroom/snacks and a way to come and go easily. I've looked into coworking spaces before but they tend to be prohibitively expensive and don't really have the setup I'd prefer; there's a hostel on the north side with private rooms that I might try out but it doesn't seem significantly cheaper than a hotel. I might just have to pick one weekend a month and watch last-minute hotel price cuts where they simply want to fill a room for a day or two.

Anyway, functionally I wrote almost a fifth of a novel this weekend, and one that I wasn't feeling super on fire about; I'm feeling much better about it now that I've got some established plot going and I feel like I "know" the newer characters a bit better. (Also I'm enjoying writing Simon as someone who is absolutely entranced by his love interest and clueless that what he's feeling isn't mild antipathy because they met while fighting over ricotta.) So it was a big help, although if I were to put a budget line item in the Extribulum Press ledger for "writing staycation" it would wipe out my royalties surplus very quickly.

#writing #shivadhverse

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dreamescapeswriting · 1 year ago

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Stray Kids Reaction || You're An Idol With Narcolepsy

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - August 2023

⤜MASTERLIST

CHAN:

Chan knew about your narcolepsy, he'd known about it since the start of your relationship since you'd wanted to get it out of the way. Some people you'd dated in the past hadn't been so understanding of it so you wanted Chan to know everything at the beginning of your relationship. The two of you were working on your collab that was coming up and it was safe to say it was stressing you out, which in turn made your narcolepsy even worse,

"Yn, I was thinking that tonight we could-" Chan stopped himself from speaking when he noticed that you were asleep on the sofa and he smiled to himself. Instead of waking you up - at attempting to - he reached behind you for the blanket he kept inside his studio and covered you up choosing to let you rest a little while.

"Sleep well, baby." He whispered before gently placing a kiss on your cheek and turning back to face his laptop, he could finish off some of the stuff while you rested it was no big deal.

MINHO:

Minho could already tell that you were going to fall asleep before you even did it, he'd noticed your eyes becoming heavier than usual so he'd made a plan to get you to sit down. He'd carefully found a quiet place at the party and sat down with you beside him, your head was now officially resting on his shoulders while you slept. JYP had a contract with the media that if anyone was to ever photograph you while you were out there would be severe consequences so Minho knew the two of you were safe right now.

"Are they okay?" Seungmin asked when he noticed Minho holding you in place making sure you weren't going to fall off him or hurt yourself in any way.

"They're fine, can you get the car to come around? I'll take them home." Minho said as he glanced at Seungmin. The boys were all used to this and while it had been scary at the start for Minho he'd learnt to look out for the signs of you about to fall asleep so that he was able to help you in any way that he could even if it meant finding you a soft place to lay you down for a bit.

"Sure." Seungmin disappeared and Minho continued to hold your hand while you softly snored on his shoulder and he smiled to himself.

CHANGBIN:

Changbin knew about your narcolepsy but he'd never really looked into it before, he took your word that you could randomly fall asleep or experience other symptoms but he'd never seen it happen. Until today that was. The two of you were in the middle of doing a live together and you were talking back and forth about your plans for the evening,

"We can go by and check out..." Changbin looked up from his phone wondering why you'd suddenly stopped talking and he was shocked to find you asleep on the sofa your head hanging low. Panic surged in him as he knelt down in front of you holding your face in his hands,

"Yn?! Yn are you okay?!" You whined a little as you opened your eyes to stare at him,

"What?" You mumbled, looking around a little confused as to why he was suddenly in front of you and not sitting in his chair like he was before.

"You fell asleep." He was breathing heavily and you nodded, rubbing the back of your neck a little embarrassed,

"Sometimes it happens, I told you about my narcolepsy." You mumbled as Changbin sat beside you,

"But you were talking..." He trailed off and you smiled weakly as you began to explain everything to Changbin about your condition as well as telling some of the fans who seemed to be just as confused by the whole situation.

HYUNJIN:

Hyunjin was completely understanding of your condition and he had done everything he could to research your narcolepsy and learn what he could about it in order to help you. But none of that would help him with today though, You'd just fallen asleep in mid-conversation with the boys and now all seven of the other guys were staring at you in complete horror.

"Do they do that a lot?!" Jeongin asked as he stared at you, wondering when you were going to wake up when you had suddenly just dropped off to sleep. Hyunjin gently lifted your head so you weren't slumped forward and he moved you to rest back against the sofa.

"Yeah, they're fine though. It's just their narcolepsy." Hyunjin then went on to explain everything while the boys quizzed him on every single thing that they could think of. By the time you'd woken up, the boys had finished with all of their questions and you'd cuddled and thanked Hyunjin.

“Do you ever do that on stage?” Chan questioned as you looked at him, You’d been pretty lucky in that sense that your narcolepsy had never gotten in the way of work on stage but sometimes in the studio, it would hinder some projects.

JISUNG:

It wasn't news to everyone that you had narcolepsy, in fact, it was pretty well known in the idol world since you were one of the first idols to come out with this condition and come out on top of it. You'd told your company that you wanted to bring awareness to everything surrounding your condition and they'd been nothing but understanding of it.

"So you just randomly fall asleep?" Jisung questioned as the two of you sat down on a shoot together. You'd been dating for a couple of weeks now but you'd only just decided to bring up your condition since he needed to know about it.

"Amongst other things, yeah." You looked at him nervously and played with your fingers, you'd been holding off telling him since you were a little afraid about it.

"Why didn't you say something before?" He held onto your hands and you whimpered a little,

"I was scared you'd judge me for it...t-then I realised you'd probably see it if you googled me so I needed to tell you," You shrugged before he hugged you tightly and promised you that he would never judge you for anything, much less something you couldn't even control.

FELIX:

It was a fan meeting event and it was safe to say you were more than a little nervous about everything that was going on, it was your first ever one and so far everything had been going well, you'd met so many fans and you were getting ready to have a break which was good since you could feel your eyes getting heavy.

"I'm a huge fan! I loved the last album, when will your next comeback be?" Felix heard as he stood near the edge of the curtain watching you but suddenly your head fell forward. Before it could hit the table though the fan caught you carefully and gently laid your head down to rest.

"Are they okay?!" Panic ensued inside the room as people began to yell out your name and a million different questions. JYP had hidden that you suffered from narcolepsy, believing it would be better for you and the fans.

"Yn has narcolepsy, and they're completely fine they just need to have a moment," Felix called out, people all staring at him as you were carefully taken backstage. Your manager came to join Felix on the stage as they both addressed what had just happened.

SEUNGMIN:

It wasn't something that was hidden from your fans, you'd wanted everyone to know that you suffered from narcolepsy just in case you'd ever happened to have an episode in front of someone and JYP had agreed with you deciding it was better to be open and honest about it all.

"Yn?" Seungmin whispered when he noticed you'd stopped talking to the interviewer mid-sentence and the cameras were all still pointing at you.

"I think what Yn was trying to say is that they try not to let their condition get in the way of their job. I know that YN, does an amazing job at trying to keep on top of all of their work," Seungmin finished the question off while you leaned against him, his hand holding onto yours tightly. The two of you were talking about your condition in the work place and it just so happened to get caught on camera.

"Do you think it could ruin their job?" Seungmin shook his head,

"Not at all, as long as it's all managed correctly and you have a team of understanding people around you I think it'll all be fine." Seungmin smiled, proud of himself as the cameras cut. Everyone around you left but he stayed exactly where he was, letting you stay asleep as long as you needed.

JEONGIN:

There were people in the world that weren't exactly nice about the fact that you suffered from narcolepsy and they'd taken it upon themselves to ridicule you for it...or at least attempt to. None of what they did ever made you feel ashamed of your condition nor did it make you upset to see them "laughing at you" for it.

"Is that another compilation?" Jeongin questioned when he heard you laughing from your living room, you nodded and cast your phone screen to the TV showing him the compilation that was now there. It was all of the times you'd hit your head on the table or even fallen off a chair when you'd fallen asleep.

"I don't know how they think this is nasty. You clearly find it amusing," Jeongin chuckled as he cuddled up beside you, both of you watching in amusement at all the times that had recently been captured about you. It wasn't something you ever let get you down, your condition was something you couldn't change and so laughing about it was easier than dwelling on it all of the time

Tagline: @chiisaiblog @hanasonmi @sw33tnight @taestannie @acciocriativity @scarletemeterio @halesandy @aerastus @laylasbunbunny @critssq @btsiguess-kpop @meowmeowisdaname @imafivestarkpopstan @lost-leopard-beanie @djeniryuu @backintomykpopphaseagain @choisoorin

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intuitive-revelations · 6 months ago

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I've got a kind-of crack theory about Ruby's mother...

Back in The Church on Ruby Road, Ruby is invited onto Long Lost Family, a genealogy TV program hosted by Davina McCall, with the hope of finding some information about her bio family. Unfortunately, they come up with nothing.

[ID: 6 gifs showing Ruby and Davina McCall talking to each other on the phone from The Church on Ruby Road. Davina apologies to Ruby, who tries to hide her upset at the news.

DAVINA: "There is no trace of your mum or dad. I'm sorry. It happens sometimes." RUBY: "No, that's fine... Thanks but, um, could you keep looking?" DAVINA: "No, there's nothing more we can do. If your parents aren't on some kind of database, we can't find them." RUBY: "Ok, um... isn't that unusual though? There's not a single trace anywhere? I mean... in the whole wide world, my mother's never left a blood sample or anythin'?"]

Now obviously, I know tracking down family is hard and, especially for orphans and adopted children, there's no gurantee that you'll be able to get the information you need. But I do find it odd there's seemingly "no trace" of Ruby's parents.

The section where I go on an odd tangent about genealogy

Speaking as someone who isn't a genealogist, but does enjoy researching family history in what little spare time they have... in my experience, close DNA matches aren't that hard to find. Especially if you're of white european descent, as Ruby is (presumably).

(It's generally harder for other ethnicities, as most research resources are white english/american focused. I know this is especially tricky for people like african-americans, where many of one's ancestors may have been enslaved. I've personally also found it tricky with Jewish communities as historically many of them used patronymic names prior to the 1800s, plus you have to account for immigration name changes, pogroms etc.)

For example, as someone who is white, with a mix of various british, mainland european, and ashkenazi ancestors, I actually have thousands of DNA matches, just from an autosomal test on Ancestry alone, let alone something like an mtDNA, xDNA or yDNA test:

[ID: Edited screenshot showing maternal and paternal DNA matches on my AncestryDNA profile. There are 16279 maternal matches and 9745 paternal matches.]

Obviously, due to the way family trees work, most of these are distant matches, however it does include plenty of close ones too, which I've been able to trace to real records and identify relationships with. Personally, my matches even already include many 1st and 2nd cousins, albeit usually a one or two degrees removed, especially as the userbase tends to swing older on these websites. This includes a few people close enough for me to have already known them from family functions and shared annecdotes. Meanwhile, where I did have blank spots, from immigrations, estranged family members, early deaths etc, I've been able to fill in a lot of information.

So what does it mean that there's "no trace" of Ruby's family?

Deliberate or not?

The big question I've had since The Church on Ruby Road is: just how untraceable is Ruby's family?

On one hand, I feel like if this was real life and professional TV genealogists were helping you, you'd get a bit more information than a quick phone call saying they've got zilch. If they're sharing nothing... do they literally have nothing?

On the other hand, this also feels like a writing shortcut. We don't really need 3 hours of Davina McCall sat with Ruby at a computer breaking down every question and theory about possible family members. Ultimately, this was probably just a way to quickly get some major exposition out there, plus throw in a Christmas celebrity cameo for casual viewers. The fact they only talk about Ruby's "parents" being in a DNA database, and no-one else, doesn't give me a lot of faith in the care for accuracy RTD took with this plot point tbh.

Indeed Davina does say 'it happens sometimes', which could indicate it's not as extreme as having zero close relatives...

...but Ruby also asks if it's unusual for there to be no trace of anything, which Davina doesn't answer. If we're asking that question, it sounds like things really could have turned up that blank.

It may not be easy for orphans and adoptees to find family, but I assume it must be quite rare to have zero possible leads? Especially if you're a younger person, and thus may have a good number of people of the right generation to know/remember your family members still alive. Worst case scenario, I can imagine having some leads, only for someone to be uncontactable, or lack the information that would be useful. That being said, maybe I'm being too optimistic, as someone who had the priviledge of never having as much difficulty.

The weird sci-fi parallel (TW: incest (kinda), intersexism)

This is where we get to my theorising. Because in a science fiction context, and specifically a time-travel one, there is one quite famous short story that has a protagonist with zero family connections: '—All You Zombies—' by Robert A Heinlein.

(Fun fact: "All You Zombies" is also the name of a planned Class Ongoing story, once I get the time to resume that.)

You may also be familiar with the movie adaptation: 'Predestination'. It's also seemingly the inspiration for all sorts of similar stories, from 'The Man Who Folded Himself' to Red Dwarf and Futurama.

You might see where i'm going from that last one...

(Again disclaimer: if you seek it out, that this story may be quite triggering. It also was written in 1959. While it's actually somewhat respectable of a trans (kind-of, you'll see what I mean - I'll generally use the pronouns used in the text below) protagonist, it includes sexism, intersexism bordering on medical horror, and selfcest/incest.)

In 1963 (funnily enough), a lonely, orphaned 18 year old woman named Jane has a sexual encounter with a man in a park which ends up leaving her pregnant. When complications arise, the doctor discovers during a successful caesarian she's actually intersex, with a form of ovotesticular syndrome, with her immature, partially developed organs "a mess". He removes the now damaged womb, ovaries etc and, without consent, 'rearranged things so that [they] can develop properly as a man".

A few weeks later, the baby is stolen from the hospital by a man.

Despite all this tragedy, they do decide to complete their transition, restarting life as a man. He struggles to find work, but eventually finds himself making a living selling fake confession stories to magazines as "the Unmarried Mother".

Years later In a bar, he tells his story to a Bartender. After it all, the Bartender reveals he's actually a time agent and offers the chance to see his baby's father again. He drops him off in 1963 to find the man.

Meanwhile, in 1964, the Bartender steals a baby from a hospital, and drops her off at an orphanage in 1945.

The Bartender returns to the Unmarried Mother a month later in 1963, just in time to see him leaving a lonely young woman he met with in a park...

"Now you know who he is", the Bartender says, "—and after you think it over you’ll know who you are... and if you think hard enough, you’ll figure out who the baby is... and who I am.” He drops the Unmarried Mother off in 1983, where he can be recruited by the Temporal Bureau.

The Bartender, Jane, the Unmarried Mother, the kidnapper, the Father, and the Baby are revealed to all be one person, a family tree onto themself. The perfect time agent, causally disconnected from the rest of humanity and thus safe from Faction Paradox - if they are truly human at all (possibly explaining their biological bi-sexuality).

Thus, literally, having no relatives.

NO, OF COURSE I don't think this is what's up with Ruby!

But...

A lot of people have suggested that the woman who drops off Ruby could be herself. Obviously this doesn't necessarily mean Ruby is her own mother - let alone her own intersex father, child, and recruiter too!

But the story did come to my mind watching the Christmas special, and I do think the less squicky side of it, the 'perfect time agent' angle is worth considering. Could Ruby really be causally/genetically disconnected from the rest of humanity? Could she literally have no close relatives?

Assuming her DNA is not taken from any other person, but some semi-random mix of genes, she really may not match with anyone. At most, she would have some distant false matches, who share very small portions of DNA with her just by statistical fluke.

"BUT", I hear you say, "Didn't she get rewritten by the literal butterfly effect in episode one? She must be connected to humanity!"

Yes she did. But you know else happened?

She was still there.

Seriously think about it. Time travel fiction often doesn't think about the full consequences of time being altered even slightly, especially for a gag, but think about it literally. If all of human history was changed and a whole new species, possibly descended from Silurians, became dominant on the planet...

... why would the Doctor still happen to be travelling with someone with a name beginning with 'Rub-' who looks like Millie Gibson? Remember her name comes from Ruby Road... so does 'Ruby Road' exist on Rubathon's Earth? The Church presumably doesn't, unless there's a lizard Jesus...

At the very least we can point to the Web of Time being particularly reinforced around Ruby for some reason, even after all the damage it's taken between Flux and now, letting Ruby persist into the new timeline. This is explicitly confirmed in the last episode, with the Doctor calling it a fixed point.

At worst, it may imply whatever 'designed' Ruby just needs her to meet the Doctor, no matter what the dominant species on Earth is.

Mind you, both of these do open questions about what happened in the timeline where Ruby was eaten by the Goblin King. Maybe targetting her after her birth left her temporally vulnerable? Or maybe it was a necessary event, to bring the Doctor to Ruby Road...

Add this to some other things we've seen this season:

In Space Babies, we're introduced to the concept of 'baby farms', allowing people to be loomed born without a parent.

We also know, at least, that Ruby registers as human to the TARDIS (though given Sutekh's influence, who knows how trustworthy that scan was now!).

In The Devil's Chord, Ruby is not erased by Maestro destroying humanity. Granted we can put this down to the Doctor/TARDIS, and how time travel effects people's biodata, but I think it could be a misdirect.

(Interestingly there was a very similar plotpoint in "City of the Daleks", the Eleventh Doctor adventure game, which saw the New Dalek Paradigm invading Earth in...1963. Unlike Ruby, Amy eventually actually does start to fade, needing a 'chronon blocker' to stabilise her. Hey remember how we just heard the word 'chronon' used a bunch in the show.)

In Boom, the Ambulance is entirely unable to find a next of kin for Ruby, despite seemingly having her in its records. This is a little hard to dissect, as you could take a lot of different interpretations away from it. At the very least, it suggests Ruby doesn't have any living descendents in the 51st century. Carla probably doesn't either (which makes sense with her not having any bio-kids, and Ruby seemingly being the only child she fully adopted rather than fostered?) But for its extensive records, it's notable it still couldn't find anyone after that, even presumably with access to Ruby's DNA like the genealogists had.

Everything in 73 Yards.

Between the snow falling in each episode, plus context in The Legend of Ruby Sunday, we know that Christmas Eve on Ruby Road, while fixed, is also uniquely vulnerable and 'raw'. With the woman's changing reactions to the Doctor, it's also flexible enough to change, somewhat.

Similarly, the possible connection between the woman who dropped Ruby off and the woman in 73 Yards, between her face not being visible and the CCTV camera being around 73 yards / 66.6 metres away. And if that woman really was Ruby, then maybe the parallels to All You Zombies may not be as insane as they sound.

#Doctor Who #DW Spoilers #Doctor Who Spoilers #Ruby Sunday #The Legend of Ruby Sunday #All You Zombies #DW Theory #DW Meta #long post

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nqmonarch · 8 months ago

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Aeon Brainrot Fic Part 1

Goal: Make a yandere Aeon harem. This is part 1, introducing Aeon 1, guess who it is (it's in the tags).

Aeons can transform into human forms to like blend in and shit, they're still Aeons but they're not the size of a planet. It's like true form human form shit, not sure if that's canon (it is for Aha apparently) but it is in this story.

CW: None, but this series will probably become a yandere one later (but that's not in this part) so get attached at your own risk.

Your search history was downright concerning.

Hot Aeons near me

Would you die if you fucked an Aeon

Fuli video IPC

How to talk to an Aeon

Can you bring dead Aeons back to life

Who is Idrila

Can you date Aeons

That was okay so long as none of your coworkers knew about it. People on Herta's Space Station tended to have some weird interests but yours... they'd gone a bit far. On the bright side thanks to your knowledge of Aeons (even if it was due to unsavory desires like holding an Aeon's hand) you'd been recruited to help with the Simulated Universe.

You just weren't allowed to experience it yourself. Huge L for you. Instead you had to watch as this random space racoon ran through it all AND HOLY SHIT DID THEY JUST GET KISSED BY YAOSHI? NO FUCKING WAY!!!

"Trailblazer," You were near tears when they exited the simulation causing them to rush over to you, "How-- how could you? I thought we were friends..."

The Trailblazer looked at you nervously like a lost child as Herta let out a 'tch', "Control yourself," She turned to the trailblazer and began to brief them about Yaoshi all while you stared at the floor in despair.

"...It should've been me..." You whispered punching the floor softly and then apologizing to it, the floor didn't deserve that.

Sure you may be a minor fan of the Aeons, they were really cool, and maybe you made fanart and fanfiction of them and consumed a lot of it (the very little there was, to be honest the majority of the merch was by you) and bought all the merch even the overpriced Qlipoth merch from the IPC and maybe-- Okay you were a fan. You weren't a fanatic though it wasn't like you were stalking the Aeons or giving them gifts but... No. Your morals went against that, you were a good person who just happened to like atrocious people.

But Aeons couldn't be judged by human standards, so you couldn't say they were atrocious. But it'd be so cool-- so so cool to meet one. You at least had to try, but how?

You gave up. It was impossible to meet an Aeon of your own will, and once more you were confined to your bed of tears. You weren't able to stay in your room and cry for long though because this new researcher had taken up a hobby of annoying you. You didn't even know their name they were just always there.

You were making some work appropriate art of Tayzzyronth, a beautiful creature despite the destruction it left in its wake. You heard it'd been born out of loneliness being the last of its species-- ISN'T THAT TRAGIC?! You really wanted to hug the poor bug. But if it wasn't for that loneliness it would never be able to become the beautiful Aeon it could be, what a tragedy...

"So, whatcha doing?" An androgynous voice came from behind you, as you shot into the air, and slapped your hand over the person's eyes.

Oh it was them, you should really figure out their name, "Shit-- I thought I told you to stop sneaking up behind me?!" The panic was barely concealed in your voice as they slipped their hand up to remove your hand from their eyes.

"Damn, you suck!" They said, the audacity of this no name researcher!

You glared at them, holding your hand to your chest, "Excuse me?!"

Unfortunately for you, they took the opportunity to look at your laptop behind you, "Ooo where'd you get this photo?"

You were going to cry. Actually, maybe if you knocked them out you could convince them it was a hallucination. Well, a good punch to the head should do it! You raised your fist and punched them straight in the jaw. They stumbled back, still clearly conscious, and a light blush on their cheeks.

Maybe you should've aimed for the eyes? Eh, whatever you could just keep going until they were knocked out. You raised your hand again, maybe a good slap across the cheek would be better. It connected with a snap, leaving a red imprint on their cheek.

Fuck, they were still conscious. How were you going to explain this, actually, you should've tried this to start with.

You stared dead into the new researcher's eyes, "You were hallucinating."

Both of their cheeks were red as they blinked at you with amber eyes, once and then twice before beginning to laugh, "Ahahahahaha!" They began to clutch their stomach and you began to look around for a weapon.

You had no other choice now, "Man I really didn't think you'd do that!" They spoke elatedly, as you grabbed the monitor from your desk, they paused. "Wait what are you doing?" You raised the monitor above your head and they began to laugh hysterically again.

You paused letting out an aggrieved sigh, "Stop laughing!" What was wrong with this person?! Sure the researcher's at Herta's Space Station were weird but this one was extra weird-- actually you'd met weirder. You lowered the monitor and stared at them calculatingly.

"Aw, why'd you stop?" They teased you, leaning closer to you.

You don't think you'd be able to get away with murder. "I wasn't going to do anything." You stared blankly into their eyes and put the monitor away.

"Oh c'mon, is it because I was laughing?" They scuttled after you like a rodent, "Do it, do it!" They egged you on, "Why're you putting it away?"

You looked back at them blankly, "It was never out in the first place. You're hallucinating."

They blinked back, once, twice, "So... was I also hallucinating about the Tayzzyronth fanart you made?" This bastard. No, no if you killed someone you'd get found out. Maybe you could lure them to one of those airlocks and they could mysteriously fall out into space? Yeah, yeah, that'd be good.

But right now, you heard the steps of several researchers shit-- break must be over. You ran over to your computer closing out of your drawing program, and fifteen different tabs all relating to Aeons, then cleared your search history. You were safe another day.

Except... you stared over at the unknown researcher, "Not a fucking word."

They nodded, and you heard your coworkers enter, "Y/N, you stayed behind for lunch? Make sure to take care of yourself too," Generic coworker number one said and you nodded absentmindedly in response as the unknown researcher turned to them.

"Hey do you guys want to see this really cool art Y/--" That fucker. You ran over, slapping your hand over their mouth, and letting out a nervous laugh.

You stared at your coworkers, "Uh my... my..." fuck if only you knew this person's name, "lover,"

YOU COULD'VE SAID RESEARCHER WHY DID YOU SAY LOVER WHY WAS THAT WHAT YOUR MIND WENT TO-- NO DEAL WITH IT LATER YOU HAD TO FOCUS GET IN THE ZONE! GET IN THE FUCKING ZONE!

"Yes, my lover seems a bit tired I will uh put them to rest, please give me some time," You said letting out a small forced laugh and you heard the unnamed researcher begin to laugh from behind your hand you turned to them with a glare and whispered, "I will choke you."

With that you dragged them out of the room, keeping your hand over their mouth. Once you left the room you decided to let them breathe but instantly regretted it, "Choke me like you hate me but you love me--"

"Why are you like this?" You stared at the researcher pitifully and they only smiled at you.

"So about that fanart--" They began.

"Can you keep your mouth shut?!" Sure it was known that you studied Aeons but, your personal feelings weren't as well known. Maybe you could just write it off as research?

Somehow this lead to you and this random ass researcher whose name you still didn't know in your room late at night. In exchange for their silence you had to show them your collection, which they were now leisurely thumbing through.

"Ooo, I always felt like IX would be super cuddly if they weren't like doomed to kill whoever they were near, just the vibes," They commented offhandedly looking at some of your fanfiction.

"Right?! You get it!" You said excitedly and at their stare changing to focus on you, you immediately receded into yourself, "Why did you want to look at this anyway?"

They blinked at you, once and then twice before a smile stretched their cheeks wide, "It's funny. I've met followers of Yaoshi who worshipped the ground they stepped on like little dogs! The Annihilation Gang would've done anything for their "savior" Nanook. But..." They stared at you, cheeks rosy and excited, "to love them all with such fanaticism, even I could barely stand Tayzzyronth! They were amusing but became tiring quickly. It's just fun." They grinned at you ecstatically.

"I'm not a fanatic," You said in defense, "I can just admire the beauty of the things around me."

"Ahaha yes, yes!" They nodded at your words and then with eyes still in the shape of crescents asked, "Do you have any works of Aha by chance?"

You perked up at their sudden interested and cleared your throat, "I mean obviously, each Aeon has their own strong suit and beauty. Even one that only chases laughter with no regard of their effect on their world. There's still something so charming about it," You said seriously staring into the researcher's eyes.

They read through fanfiction, admired fanart, and then broke your piece of merch. That fucker--

"Are you asking to get hit?" Your smile was strained as they laughed before pausing.

"It's starting to get boring again," They muttered and looked at you, thinking for a moment before shrugging, "I'll be back! Don't forget me, okay?"

You stared at them blankly, "Yeah, by the way, who are you?"

"Ahahaha!" They let out a laugh as you remained emotionless, "I was..." they placed their finger to their chin and then pointed it at you, "your lover right?"

With that you watched their body disappear into a stack of cards which fluttered throughout the room. What the-- Had you been hallucinating all along?! You stared at the space where they had once been.

If it wasn't a hallucination it was someone strong, who derived joy from making people embarrassed, and wanted entertainment-- maybe a slight masochist as well based on their reaction from you hitting them? Your heart began to speed up, if they were an Aeon it would be Aha but... Aha would probably bring more chaos with them, more destroyed things.

A card landed on your cheek and you moved to brush it off, but it stuck. And then the rest of the cards began to turn to your body and glide toward it.

"What the fuck..." You stared at them for a split moment before beginning to run. Fuck-- it didn't matter who they were! No way was that an Aeon! Probably was just another asshole from your department playing a prank on you!

Why were the cards still chasing you?! Surely if you ran enough they'd stop! You raced through the space ship until you eventually reached the room that was the entrance to the simulated universe. Oh there was the trailblazer and Herta how convenient!

"Can I get some help?!" You called out and they both turned to you, unfortunately talking made you slow down a bit and--

"Mfmph..." You were a card mummy now great, at least you found someone that can help-- WERE THEY IGNORING YOU? AFTER ALL YOU DID? TRAILBLAZER NO-- YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE FRIENDS

Yandere parts won't be showing yet, they'll show later when some more Aeons are introduced (on this note I really do have to catch up with sim universe for the few crumbs of Aeons we're allowed because like 75% of this is just my delusions, but hey that's fun).

Pretty sure Aha is canonically a masochist because of the Aha doll thing. Anyway I feel like Aha would eat up someone being like romantically into not just one Aeon (like the one they worship) but literally wanting to fuck all the Aeons including Tayzyyronth which let's be honest, people aren't super big on because of the murder.

Also I feel like Aha would be into fanfiction and fanart and all that stuff? Dude would be one of those fans that leaves trolling hate comments on their favorite work but if the author stops updating they will hunt them down.

Anyway don't let that distract you from the fact you were about to murder a new researcher over seeing your Tayzzyronth fanart.

I wrote this in 2 hours on the spur of a whim

#hsr #reader insert #gn reader #hsr x reader #aha x reader #aha hsr #hot aeons near me #hsr aha x reader #theres not enough aha fic and like ik guys #aha isnt super hot but like they are pretty hot #like not nanook lava levels but like aha would set a planet on fire

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sysboxes · 10 months ago

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Hi, I saw you make a userbox on C-DID and I wanted to ask if you maybe have a good resource or something that explains what it is? cause I have DID but ive never heard it with the C attached... no worries if not. thank you!!

C-DID stands for Complex DID. Complex DID and Polyfragmented DID are the same thing, though some people may say that there are some differences.

(I’ll just refer to it as polyfrag for the rest of this for simplicity)

Polyfragmented DID is considered a more “complex” version of DID. The complexity comes from:

splitting patterns ~ splitting several alters/fragments at once, splitting a lot over a short period of time, and/or splitting more frequently or easily

fragments ~ not all DID systems have fragments whereas polyfrag DID systems typically have at least some, if not a lot. Often times polyfrag can have subsystems made up of fragments or they’ll have at least one group of alters who are fragments holding similar trauma or the same traumatic experience split up between fragments (example: one fragment holds the emotions or the fear, one holds the sensations, one holds the memories, etc. or they each hold bits of memory. Or whatever else, it varies)

System Structure ~ briefly mentioned above, but with polyfrag it’s primarily about the way the system is structured or the way the system functions. Meaning polyfrag have subsystems (an alter has their own system OR there is a group of alters who exist together or function as one collective), a system or group of alters separated from the “main” group of alters, etc

The person typically starts being traumatized and forced to dissociate in infancy or sometimes as a toddler (whereas with DID, you can start developing DID later on). Though this is not a requirement and not always the case.

With polyfrag DID, they’re usually forced to dissociate throughout childhood, sometimes even throughout being a teen and sometimes during adulthood or at least early adulthood

polyfrag systems can have high alter count, but this is not a requirement. And it’s typically that they have lots of fragments, not fully-formed/fleshed out alters.

polyfrag systems do not have to switch frequently, though some do switch frequently or have a larger group of alters who help take care of daily things

Because Complex DID and Polyfrag DID are not actually medical terms, it’s hard to find reliable information on them. They are more just community terms for people to describe their unique experiences. Basically it’s a way to differentiate themselves from typical DID systems and a way to describe their more complex structure. Some therapists or medical professionals may describe someone’s DID as being complex or polyfragmented, but again, it’s not actually a medical term it’s more just a descriptor.

Every system is going to be different. Everyone uses these terms to mean something a little different. But the stuff I listed is generally what people use it to mean.

Here’s some links below (again, these aren’t medical terms so there aren’t really medical papers or anything on it and it’s mostly just people in the community describing their experiences or what they consider polyfragmentation)

Someone on tumblr listing what a polyfrag system usually means

Someone on tumblr describing difference between DID and C-DID

Someone on tumblr explaining what fragments are

Someone on tumblr explaining what polyfrag is and quoting research

Someone on tumblr listing what C-DID could entail

A PDF of a medical paper on complex MPD (this paper is from the 1980s I think, when DID was still called MPD)

A polyfrag DID systems vent on Reddit about what being polyfrag is for them (I wasn’t really sure about whether to include this or not bc it is a vent but it’s also a good explaination of what polyfrag DID actually is versus what people portray it as on social media..)

(if any of this is wrong plz let me know we’re not perfect lol and I didn’t read through all of these links)

#not a userbox #c-did #c did #mod weeping ❤️

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friendsoup · 1 year ago

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HALLO!! I THE ONE WHO REQ THE MEDI AND DIKKE FIC AND OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR WONDERFUL WRITING!!! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HOW YOUR WROTE THEM ALL. I legit have lot of fun reading it and laughing at poor digger but got bully by two serious person. I really adore how you write their interactions that just seem in character of them and then the end had me screaming in giddyness.

If is okay could i req again for medi and dikke with a reader that often sleep randomly at the most uncoventional of place, which is how vertin found out your relationship with them. Feel free to decline if you cant but still thank you so much again for writing my req i really love it and i hope you have a nice day!! 😭💖💖

Also i so sorry for ranting

A Quiet Moment

Recipe: Established romantic relationships, GN! Reader, Reader x Medicine Pocket, Reader x Dikke, Dumbass and idiot used as petnames, You and Medi try to out fluster each other, Dikke is a super simp for you, Vertin is supportive WC: 2,001

Chef's Note: WAAAHHH I'm glad you enjoyed the last one!!! I had a lot of fun writing it!!! I'm super happy to write for you again, anon! Don't be afraid to be a repeat customer! If you want, you can assign yourself an emoji even :0! Anyways, I had fun writing this! I have a bunch of requests I gotta bang out though....hehe

Medicine Pocket wasn’t the type for “love”. Or any other foolish emotions. They’ve always found romance to be such a stupid waste of time, taking away from more important things, like their research. More than once a scientist on their team would do something absent mindedly while thinking of their wife at home. Then they’d mess up, ruining Medi’s most important results. Those times were met with no sympathy, Medi ruthlessly tearing into her team members for their foolishness.

…However, you were kinda cute. And interesting. That’s what Medi liked about you most. You were strange, not like the other people they’ve met. They liked everything about you that was different. Your laugh, your personality, your interests. They found it fascinating the way you thought, the way you acted. Medi wanted to study you, and if that wasn’t love? They didn’t know what was. However, the two of you had been keeping things on the low. Medi didn’t want their reputation as a mad scientist to be tarnished, nor did they want to show any weakness in front of their fellow arcanists. Not to mention that you had a reputation of your own to uphold, and a lack of close friends on your team to blab to. The two of you kept quiet about your little arrangement, but that was fine. Neither of you felt the need to brag, and given how fast gossip spread around the suitcase, the two of you were happy to stay far from it. But oh, the foolishness of a person in love never fails.

Naps had always been one of your favorite ways to pass the time, and with how much training you were getting, a heavy layer of exhaustion hung over you like a blanket. No matter how hard you tried to fight it, you were always a few seconds from falling asleep. Lost within your own dreamy haze.

Today just happened to be especially tiring. You were helping out with some chores around the suitcase, preparing for the next mission, when you felt the strong siren call of another nap wash through you. You dragged yourself through the halls, your body too tired to stay upright for long. You needed a place to sleep, and quickly. You found your respite in the dining room, underneath the table. It was nowhere near meal time, so you were certain you’d be undisturbed for a while. Dropping to a crawl, you made your way underneath and placed your head on the wooden floor. It wasn’t comfortable, far from it, but it was enough for you to begin to drift off. Medi hadn’t been looking for you. At least, they didn’t think they were. They’d been wandering all day, avoiding chores like the plague and ignoring the urge to continue their studies. They’d been suffering through a major creative block with their experiments, which frustrated them to no end. They were a genius! Why couldn’t they get it together?

Medi found you underneath the table. At first they laughed at the sight, then a fond smile came to their face. And then, realization. “[Y/N]!” They called, kneeling down to your side. “You’re going to hurt your back if you sleep on the hard floor!” They warned, shaking you awake.

Groggily, you turned to them, annoyed that your nap had been cut short. “Nuh-uh.” “The fuck do you mean ‘Nuh-uh’?!” They exclaimed, “Dumbass! You’re going to hurt yourself! What are you thinking?!” “Tired.” You answer. “So, so tired.” Medi bites their fingertip through the glove, narrowing their eyes at you. “I’ll have to take a blood test to make sure you’re healthy. Even for an idiot like you, this isn’t healthy.”

“You’re worried.” You state, a warm smile growing on your sleepy face. “Nuh-uh!” Medicine Pocket shoots back, turning their face away from you. You can see a blush on their cheeks.

“You know…” You begin, reaching for their hand, “I might sleep better if I have something to rest my head on.” Medicine Pocket’s face grows redder, a pout twisting their expression. “What are you getting at, dumbass? Spit it out!”

“Can I rest my head on your lap?” You ask, bluntly.

Medi covers their face with their hand, still not daring to look at you. A smug smile grows on your lips, enjoying how much you’ve flustered your partner. You don’t expect them to agree, PDA isn’t something the both of you necessarily enjoy. It’s more a game of chicken, seeing who bends first. Medicine Pocket swallows, then nods. “Of course you can.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “Oh, I wasn’t serious!” You argue, the thought of PDA making your face heat up. “Too late to back out now!” They giggle, scooching next to you. They take a seat right next to your head, patting their lap. “Come on, sweetheart, take a nap with me.”

The pet name, despite how mockingly it’s used, sends an arrow straight through your heart. Though you’re hesitant, the offer is appealing. Cuddling with Medi isn’t something you often get to do, and here they are, presenting you with the opportunity. And so you lift your head, and place it on their lap. They squeak instantly, the flush returning to their face all at once. “Hey! What if someone sees us?” “They won’t.” You mutter, already losing the battle to sleep. You yawn. Medicine Pocket is so warm, and feels so soft beneath your head. You could stay like this forever, you think. “Nobody will.”

“Are you sure?” Medicine Pocket asks, yet they get no answer. You’ve already fallen asleep, lost in your own dreams. Medicine Pocket sighs, putting a hand on your head and stroking your hair softly. You remind them of one of their dogs like this. All gentle and cute. They find themselves smiling uncontrollably, lost in the bliss of being close to you. About a half hour later, Vertin enters the dining room. “Medicine Pocket? [Y/N]?” She calls, glancing around the room. “Where did the two of you go?” She asks herself, a scowl deepening on her face. The two of you were skipping your responsibilities, and as leader, she had to get you both on track. Medi froze, eyes wide with fear. They couldn’t be caught in a situation like this! Especially by the Timekeeper! But they also couldn’t escape! Your sleeping face was just too cute, they didn’t want to disturb it!

And then you snored. It was a slight, quick breath, but Vertin is a very perceptive girl, and she heard it right away.

“[Y/N]?” Vertin asked, “Are you napping again? You’ve ought to get your tiredness checked out by a-” She leaned over to peer under the table, locking eyes with Medicine pocket. “Oh!” Vertin exclaimed, before her eyes fell upon you, slumbering away. “Oooh.” “It’s not what it looks like!” Medi objected, keeping their voice to a hush. “It’s just- I’m just! It’s an experiment! They’re a test subject to me!” A light danced in Vertin's eyes as she saw you two, though her face bore no changed expression. “It’s alright. Your secret is safe with me.” She gave a curt nod, and stood. “Vertin- Wait!” Medicine called behind her, panic in their voice. “You’ve got it all wrong! No!” “You have nothing to worry about.” Vertin reassured them. “I wish you two love and prosperity.”

“Vertin?!”

Though Vertin did not breathe a word to a single soul, the suitcase was alight a week later with rumors of the new couple among their numbers. And though your days of being a quiet couple were over, at least Medi didn’t feel so embarrassed to be seen sleeping next to you anymore.

Her Peace

Dikke had never been a fan of romance in plays.

The way bards would speak on and on about the sweetness of love, of the bliss of another’s touch, of the pangs in one’s heart, it didn’t seem possible to her. How could love be so powerful? She’d felt romance before, towards some fellow knights, though her feelings never clouded her judgment. She always managed to keep a clear mind, and was able to keep her thoughts rational. The stuff the bards spoke of was hyperbole. …You muddied that belief. Dikke was unbelievably weak for you. It scared her, in all honesty. She’d never been so vulnerable around someone before. Your smile made her sway, your laugh made her weak in the knees. She found herself thinking of you late into the night, unable to close her eyes without seeing your face. The walls she’d spent so many years building, crashed around her. Destroyed by a single person. Nobody knew of this relationship of yours. It wasn’t as though it was secret, it just wasn’t something you discussed with other people. Dikke didn’t often speak on matters of the heart, and you never found a good excuse to bring it up. And thus, the suitcase was unaware of the budding relationship in their midsts. Dikke had been training for hours. It was what she did to clear her mind, to calm her anxieties. There was something comforting about doing repeated exercises. It kept both her and her blade sharp. However, it was also extraordinarily tiring. The hard labor strained her muscles, making each movement painful. Though she was careful to never overexert herself, she still remained sore after each intensive workout. This time was no different.

Dikke dragged herself through the forest, focusing on her deep breaths. Birds sang in the trees around her, the same songs they’d sung in her homeland. Bees buzzed by her, brushing gently against her as she walked, clumsily making their way through. The same way they did a hundred years ago. And before then as well. Dikke lost herself in thought as she walked, allowing the nostalgia to ease her weary bones. And then she saw you. Like something out of a fairytale. You were sprawled beneath a grand oak tree, your chest rising and falling in a gentle rhythm. Dikke was stunned by your beauty, completely beside herself at the sight of you. Was it OK for her to see you like this? So vulnerable and pretty? Her heartbeat quickened, it was so loud she was worried it would wake you. You looked so peaceful, it made her dizzy. The fact that you could sleep so soundly here, without a care in the world… She wanted that tranquility. That trust in the world. Dikke sat next to you in the plush grass, keeping her guard up. She couldn’t just leave you here! What if something happened? She’d never forgive herself! As quietly as she could, she removed her cape, draping it over you in a single movement. Dikke loved the view of you in her cape. Seeing it made it hard for her to think, her brain only filled with thoughts of you. Surely it was alright to indulge. Just this once? You wouldn’t mind the company, would you? Holding her breath, Dikke laid beside you, leaving a few inches of space between the two of you. She didn’t want to intrude, but she wanted some of that peace. Some of that tranquility you held.

It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep. The mix of the workout and your presence was too much on her weary mind. By the time Vertin found the two of you, you were entangled in each other’s arms. Your head on Dikke’s chest, and her face pressed into your hair. The sight surprised the timekeeper, though she knew better than to react. She didn’t want to risk waking you up.

Later, Vertin would seek you out. “I see you’ve found your knight in shining armor.” She tells you. Though it doesn’t reach her face, you can hear the smirk in her voice. “What do you mean by that?” You ask, confused. “I wish you and Dikke well. That’s all you need to know.” She responds. You grow too flustered to continue the conversation any further.

#x reader #reverse 1999 #reverse 1999 x reader #Dikke #Dikke x reader #Dikke x you #Dikke reverse 1999 #Medicine Pocket #Medicine Pocket x reader #Medicine Pocket x you #Medicine Pocket reverse 1999 #fanfic #reader insert #Let's Make Friend Soup!#Order Up!

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sysmedsaresexist · 5 months ago

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hey fellas it's me again

systemscringe is using this horrible essay (https://text.is/pluralkit-) to say that systems shouldn't use pk (and by extension simply plural) even though it's blatantly wrong, promotes the "evil alter" stereotype at the end, and DOESN'T EVEN HAVE AN AUTHOR

this stupid essay made me think that sp wasnt something i should use (and sure, its not good for SOME people, but it can be helpful, and it is for me). now that i am using it ive been able to learn more about my system and fronting triggers and i really dont want any other systems to go through what i did.

i would debunk it myself but i feel like yall have more reach than i do, and i also know youre more researched than me and would be able to do a better job.

if u could help that'd be great :)

Sigh. Systemscringe back at it again, making things more difficult for literally everyone. First things first:

Pluralkit, Simplyplural, and anything similar are NOT inherently harmful to people who dissociate.

They’re also not inherently helpful, either.

To say they are always harmful will confuse people on how to recognize the signs of increased dissociation. That makes it harder for people who are actually harmed by using these things to get help. It also invalidates people who are genuinely helped by these tools. These tools do not inherently prevent integration. For some people, tools like these can help them recognize and work with their systems, which is necessary for reducing dissociation.

"To be an integrated human, as Dan Siegel (2010) insists, requires 'differentiation—with linkage,' that is, it necessitates the ability to make distinctions between different parts of the self, to name them as parts, but also to link them to other parts and to the whole of which they are a part." - Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors, by Janina Fisher, Page 21

To say that Real Dissociative(tm) people don’t use these tools is utterly false, a bad excuse to fakeclaim people, and they know it; these tools are popular as hell in the online community, and many people, even people who eventually found them harmful, have used them. Can we please put this “faker” shit to rest so that actual productive conversations can be had?

Personally, I think that there's a lot of things to critique about both pluralkit and simplyplural (hereafter just called pk/sp). They're not perfect -- nothing is! I'd love to have a nuanced discussion about how they can be helpful and harmful to different people and why, but often it feels like I can't have discussions like that. Not when just using pk/sp gets entire subreddits calling you a faker, not when systems who simply dislike pk/sp get called "sysmeds," not when we approach these things as either Always Good or Always Bad.

In reality, how helpful or harmful pk/sp can be is an entirely subjective matter. It's a personal issue to your system and your system alone. I know systems who find pk/sp to be very helpful and I also know systems who find them to be unhelpful, even harmful. In my own experience, I've found that pk/sp made my symptoms worse. So, I just don't use them. It's literally that simple.

Notice how the essay makes such broad sweeping statements about pk. They don't say that it can increase dissociation between alters, they say that it will. They don't say that it can lead to delusions, they say that it will. How about instead of jumping to conclusions, we actually ask the community what their experiences are? I’ll get us started:

I also notice that the essay states that the functions of pk go against treatment recommendations, but I don’t know a single clinician who is using pluralkit to treat their patients. AFAIK, they’re correct that it’s not really an accessibility tool, but it’s also not a therapeutic tool either? So, I don’t understand why they’re judging it like it is one? It’s just a discord bot, dude. It’s not that deep.

I don’t want to glance over the harm they’re talking about, though. Stuff like pk/sp can reinforce dissociation. You can have an unhealthy relationship with them. That’s not specific to pk/sp, though, it can be like this with anything seemingly innocuous. I know some people who self-harm by reading fanfiction…doesn’t mean that everyone who reads fanfiction is self-harming, or that fanfiction is universally harmful. That's why, instead of telling people pk/sp are Bad and Always Harmful, we need to spread awareness so that people actually know how to recognize actual harm and take care of themselves. That’s why I’ll leave this post off with a list of some red flags. Anyone is free to add on, but remember that these are potential signs of harm. If you think your use of pk/sp is harmful or unhealthy, please investigate that with a professional or close loved one!

Some red flags that pk/sp may not be helping you:

Episodes of dissociation, switching, and/or memory loss became more frequent or severe after you started using them

They make it harder for your system to cooperate; you all feel less connected than before

There’s more conflict within the system than before

You feel pressured to say who is fronting or when a switch happened, even if you don't actually know

You feel pressured to create a profile for system members that you don't know a lot about or are unsure if even exist or ones that specifically don’t want a profile

You sometimes wish you had more system members so that you could have more proxies or profiles

You or system members feel like you aren’t allowed to have your privacy or anonymity

You feel like you can't talk in discord servers that don't have pk

Using them makes your system members feel less real / less connected as a system

Using them is the only thing that makes your system members feel real / more connected as a system

You don’t really want to use pk/sp but you feel like you’re a faker or doing something wrong if you don’t use them

#mod robo #syscourse #pluralkit #simply plural #endo safe #pro endo #pluralgang #plural community #plurality #pluralpunk

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wilsons-journey · 2 months ago

Text

Novelist Aeonn

Necromancer • Synergetics • He / Him • 24 years old.

Formerly known as Researcher Eoann and Memeber of the Order of Whispers. Another near death experience forced him to retire and start a new profession - as an author.

At the same time, an inconspicuous life rises to a significant role for Tyria - The Commander, his inspiration to start writing again.

More about him under the cut:

Aeonn is the anagram of his former Name Eoann, he starts to use after he retires as Author.

He is charming, but rather quiet - yet he has the big ego that one would expect from an Asura. He is never afraid to leave a sarcastic comment.

Back then he left Rata sum behind, after he felt not enough appreciated for his research for the Elder Dragons. Especially the research of Zhaitan - that one day ended for him learning to use his magic - becoming an necromancer. That was also the first day he nearly died. Something that seem to happen a lot to him - during his life he had several close calls.

But he often brushes them off. Thats the danger of an Researcher, right?

He joins the Order of Whisper, that has a far bigger interest in his research - giving him all the recognition he wanted.

One day a young Charr joins the Order. They never really talked with each other. Not even after this Charr saved his life during the Events of Claw Island. But he will never forget her - she had something on her, that stick to him. She was destined to greatness - and he should be right about that.

The incident during Claw Island sadly ended his career in the order of Whispers. He got so badly injured, it left him in a wheelchair. He was no longer able to walk on his own - for a moment people where afraid he might be no longer able to move his arms, too.

But he was lucky.

His ability to walk was taken, but this also gave back time for another passion - writing. After hearing about the remarkable things the Commander did, he starts to write them down in a story.

The Commander, hero of Tyria.

This will be his first book. Finished right after the Commander slayed the first Dragon. Something no one in Tyra thought would be possible - Aeonn included.

Though this first book he gets in contact with the Commander. They start to exchange letters and slowly become friends. But it will take some years before they meet in person - Aeonn is too ashamed to appear before the Commander in his current state.

He made peace with his disability to walk - and his overall bad body-shape. He grows frail and sick. He never intended to get out of this,... but since he started to write with the Commander - July - more often, this view changes.

So he starts to work on that - slowly. Telling himself, when he is back on his feet again, he earned his right to meet this incredible person.

Some loose bits

I planned him meeting July during PoF, after Balthazar killed her (and she comes back to life) He is still on his path of recovering - still needing a cane to walk. But the news of July dying nearly broke his world. He no longer wanted to waste time, only because of his pride

The first meeting will be a little awkward - cuz July thought he is another Charr or at least an Sylvari. She never thought Aeonn would be an Asura.

But they will grow close together rather quick - they connect over their experience with engineering. But also over the need to prove themself. (But they already grew close together over the letters they exchanged years prior)

Aeonn was not aware he is still able to fight properly - but due to an incident, he learns better. With that he will join the Dragons Watch and become an Companion to July

Aeonn also adds a lot of knowledge about the elder Dragons to the table. Maybe Taimi found some of his old research, helping her and Gorrik in their research. Aeonn will definitely join them and resumes to his old research

I feel he will never fully recover from his injuries - still having him rely on his cane or some tech to talk without problems Maybe during EoD or Janthir - maybe not. He would be fine either way. (I might like the idea of July carry him around, a little bit too much - its silly, but also cute)

Even after becoming a Member of the Dragons Watch he keeps publishing books about the Commander. But also about the Elder Dragons or other topics related to the Dragons Watch. He is also friend to Snargle. And yes he reads his books, too. (And Aeonn maybe wrote one or two books like these, too......)

It will be a running theme if he and July have something going on. And to be honest - neither of them really can tell. At one point they make jokes about that - even playing into the idea, without becoming lovers.

They become Soulmates for sure - but it looks like its more platonic - but maybe this changes in the future? Who knows. I don't know - they don't know.

But Aeonn will become the person July was always looking for. Someone she can talk to about everything, without fear or shame. An anchor, that makes her feel safe.

They will become inseparable.

#gw2 #guildwars2 #guild wars 2 #asura #aeonn #my first real asura OC whoop whoop - and I already love him

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mecachrome · 11 months ago

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your oscar primer was absolutely brilliant, thank you so much for posting it!! well-researched, well-written, and a good balance of educational and hilarious. if you want to share, i’d be very interested in reading any of the parts you mentioned that you cut out, like george-admiring, oscar’s psyche, etc, but no pressure ofc 🫶

omg no thank you so much for your kind words, i appreciate it a lot!!! :D andddd let me see... honestly i was just going to add a few more quotes & anecdotes from other people about his personality but i ended up incorporating most of them into the primer (e.g. mark's), but in general i think it's really charming how Every Single Adult who has ever worked with oscar throughout the years is so deeply and immediately convinced of his maturity. i did work in most of this old ask but it has a few extra quotes in there from mclaren personnel! anyway more below the cut:

i guess really the thing to Me about oscar is like...... idk if this makes any sense but i personally love how he's naturally a really gracious and diplomatic person but is also deeeeeply self-assured and objective, which on one hand means he presents as quite humble when he doesn't make excuses for himself or get caught up in deceptively high results, but on the other also means he refuses to give anyone else credit for his own success; if you remember me briefly mentioning prematax in that post he talks about it in the f1fs pod where he basically goes i didn't win because of PREMA, in fact i've NEVER LOST TO A TEAMMATE, SO. like any racing driver that is def a big source of pride for him, and i think it speaks to the "silent killer" (per lando) side to him, the guy who mark says "falls asleep" when hearing stories of his (championless) career, who said that he supported mark out of national obligation growing up but—let us not forget—vettel was the one winning everything back then anyway, who says he put even more pressure on himself to win his final race in f2 despite having clinched the title 2 races prior because he felt the innate urge to prove that he wouldn't simply ease off the gas pedal and still had it in himself to subjugate the field one last time.

along these lines oomf and i have discussed before how he and alex rank similarly on the kind/nice dichotomy in a way that is slightly diametric to lando, wherein he is always willing to offer tidy bits of sympathy for someone else's struggles but doesn't ever really envision any of them as relevant to his own experiences, because getting caught up in that "external noise" would be a waste of time (even with logan in the f3 finale it was honestly kind of like "aw man that sucks, i'd hate for it to be me... ANYWAY"). like not to maybe exaggerate his interiority but i enjoy that he carries an amount of hidden tension that he obviously consciously decides to not take reactionary measures over—though that doesn't mean it isn't there, it's just very well regulated (unrelated but he does actually work with mental coach emma murray, who also works with scott mclaughlin and whom he says helped him center himself at the end of his eurocup season). but he's still very... unfiltered about when he's been disrespected in an unperturbed, straightforward manner, like saying otmar confronting him on the sim over being promoted to the seat was "bizarre and frankly upsetting," the face he made when he was told they'd overtaken alpine in the standings in 2023, telling the kids in that hp tuners interview that the renault engineers treated his first f1 test too nonchalantly, etc. 😭 like every interview back when he was a reserve driver was soooo "i'm gracious about being stuck in this role but also i've proven myself way too much to Not Hate This Compromise and i'll be pissed as hell if i don't get a seat next year"... i'll stop here but basically he is truly a master of balancing gritted-teeth conviction with his tactical charm and it is one of my fav things ever about him!!!

also another quote i love is this one from david sera about his driving style, because 1) i love the correlation between it and his personality/calmness, 2) i'm obsessed with the dynamic of his early rc days helping nurture a style of "finesse" in his driving throughout his junior career that may not have appeared naturally if he'd only begun racing in karting (and subsequently how he had to learn to not get "muscled around" after moving to europe), and 3) of course as a noted jb22 appreciator i love when people note similarities in his inputs to jb because it is delicious to ME:

Coming from a remote control car background where concentration, finesse and smooth inputs, these were the traits we saw in Oscar in the cadet category. [...] You would often see other drivers have an advantage in the early part of the race, driving more aggressively, but Oscar had a more calm approach.

c__c but back to the first part of the ask and our good friend russell jorge, i'm mostly obsessed with oscar's reactions to his performance at the rollercoaster that was spa 2021 and the fact that he's been so vocally appreciate of george "outperforming" the car he was in. the 2 instances of the word HERO on his twitter:

and then this quote in an interview he did in 2022:

"[Success] is definitely not just defined by just world championships, and if you can outperform the car that you're in—I think George Russell has been a very fine example of that in years previous, you know, constantly getting the most out of that Williams and of course Spa. (laughs) Bit controversial, but he got a podium at the end of the day! And even without that, he qualified second, he outqualified everyone except Max in a Williams, which, you know, is an unbelievable result."

also george being the only f1 driver (i think) to tweet him for his f2 title :saluting_face:

AND ALSO THEM SHARING THE ANECDOTE OF THEIR AWKWARD FIRST MEETING ON THE FAST & CURIOUS POD??? aka oscar was told in his april 2023 ep that they were going to interview george next and he was like oh ok you can ask him about our "slightly left-field introduction," and then they had george on who was like oh yeah i met oscar for the first time washing our hands together in the bathroom on our way to the ausgp in 2020 😭 what a way to meet.

#ask #SORRY FOR THIS WORD SALAD...#op meta

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seireitonin · 1 year ago

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Some Jane hcs?

🖤Yes :3 luv her 🖤 (will be going off Jane R, the canon one not Jane A. I love the lesbian representation Jane R is! :) Also some of these are gonna be canon)

Jane was a woman with a normal life

The two suburban parents, normal school life, normal love life

Just normal and happy

Her and Mary met in high school

Mary was a cheerleader and Jane being her best friend at the time watched and supported her

Jane didn’t realize she was a lesbian till she saw Mary with a boyfriend in high school and got extremely jealous and didn’t understand why

And Jane never liked a boy before but she knew she felt something for Mary

When Mary and her boyfriend broke up Jane and her cuddled as Jane comforted her and they shared their first kiss

They stayed together ever since then

Even though it was the 90s/ 2000s when they started dating most people accepted them

Jane’s parents included

They got married as soon as they were able to

Jane’s normal life continued with Mary until her parents were killed by an at the time 19 year old Jeff

Jane was absolutely devastated and wracked with grief

She stayed in bed not moving for months

Some days she just cried and screamed and nothing else

She also got paranoid

What if he tried to hurt Mary next?

How could Jane let that happen?

She couldn’t

So she did research on Jeff like crazy

It was really unhealthy

Also took self defense classes and made Mary take some too

But with all Jane read about this guy, she knew that still wouldn’t be enough

She wanted to avenge her parents, the police were useless in helping

She wanted to protect Mary, Jane can’t bare to loose the love of her life

So what’s the answer to those problems?

Take a risky government observed and produced experimental drug called Liquid Hate of course!

She went into the facility blank faced, telling them they could experiment on her

Inject her with as much as they needed

Make her stronger and she would do anything for them

She was willing to throw away her old life completely for revenge

Jane didn’t care. In her mind any chance she had at a “normal life” died with her parents

She would be too afraid, too full of grief and pain and paranoia to live a normal life and move on

So she would become a weapon to protect the one person that matters to her. Mary.

It’s all she could do

And that’s exactly what happened

Her transformation was slow and painful

Pre transition she had dark hazel eyes and really dark brown hair

Now she has all black eyes and lips, pale skin and black hair

When she was injected with it it’s like all her anger came out full force for 2 minutes and she lost all control of herself

She destroyed everything in the room, lashed out at the scientists, injuring a lot of them

They had to sedate her and strap her down

When she came to, she apologized and is more or less acts like her normal self

She looked in the mirror

Her old life was truly gone

They told Jane all about her new powers which include

Enhanced strength and speed, vocal mimicking, shape shifting, healing, regeneration and regeneration of limbs, drug and alcohol tolerance and almost infinite stamina (this is canon btw)

Jane was now an assassin for the CIA and FBIs Justice Department (also canon)

And she didn’t even tell Mary

Jane went home and Mary screamed until Jane calmed her down

“Mary, it’s me! I-“

“What the fuck did you do?!”

“What I had to do to keep you safe.”

“And that is?!”

Jane explained everything

“What…how…you…”

“I know it’s jarring okay? But it’s still…me. I understand if you can’t love me because I look like this. I understand if you want to go. But just know I truly did do this for you and for myself. I have to protect you and avenge my parents.”

“You are so impulsive and stupid! But you’re still as beautiful as ever. You know I’m never going anywhere.”

They shared a kiss in the kitchen

Jane was so lucky to have Mary

Jane takes out any criminal asked of her and ones not asked of her too

Rapists, serial killers, p3d0s, abusers

Anyone that society doesn’t need

But her ultimate goal is to kill the man that killed her parents

Jeff the killer

She won’t stop until that happens

Jane doesn’t kill or hurt innocent people

She wouldn’t dream of it

Why be like the man she hates?

Jane’s actually really nice despite everything

She can be very sarcastic and snarky too though but can you blame her?

She’s still violent towards criminals though

Like extremely violent

They remind her of Jeff and she calls it “practice” for when she finally gets her hands on him

His death will be slow and painful

Jane has a sister and other surviving family members that she hasn’t seen in a while (how could she even begin to explain her life now)

Jane is 38 years old

Born September 1st 1985

Jane is Wasian (white and Asian, Japanese specifically) but looks more Japanese

She kinda looks like a type of vengeful Japanese spirit called the Onryō and has come to like it

people think she is one sometimes

Especially when she makes weird ass noises to freak out her victims/ mess with them

Jane really relates to Onryō due to the stuff that happened in her life

Her mother would often tell her stories about the Onryō especially around Halloween

Jane finds it ironic that she kinda looks like one with her pale skin, tall stature and long black hair

Especially when she wears white since Onryō are often depicted in white burial kimonos

She especially feels like one when she comes out of the darkness, quietly and slowly as if she’s floating her black eyes looking at her victim through the dark

She specifically relates to some parts of the story of Lady Owia. A man ruining Jane’s life, “killing” her old self and the life she knew, making her a vengeful person and leaving her “disfigured” and looking like an Onryō

Sometimes she still gets upset and will scream and cry at night in the middle of nowhere, making her look and sound like a spirit in pain

Despite the fact she’s still alive she sometimes feels like she died with her parents

Maybe she is just an Onryō in a humans body

She can speak fluent Japanese thanks to her mom

Jane understands Kagekao fully

Both of them being gay Japanese people who have pale skin and are good fighters is really coincidental

Kagekao thought Jane was a spirit or something supernatural due to the grief and vengeance coming off her

But to his disappointment she’s just a cool looking human

Jane really doesn’t like him

He’s a serial killer who kills people for shits and giggles like Jeff and she can’t stand that

Jane knows he’s a demon because he told her and Kagekao thought Jane wouldn’t understand him

They both also have voice mimicking powers and they use it against each other all the time

Jane is jealous of his parkour skills though, she wants to get better at it

When Jane is in a violent mood or in a fight black veins will appear all over her body, but it’s most noticeable oh her face and especially on her temples and forehead leading into her eyes as the veins pump and bulge with blood. Very unsettling to look at.

Jane is usually 5’10 but if she wants to look more intimidating in a fight she will make herself taller like 6’3-6’5

Jane is romantic/ trad goth and listens to the music since she was born in the 80s and grew up in the 90s it’s nostalgic for her

Jane wears black everyday because she thinks all other colors look bad on her

She wears white to sleep though

Jane’s eyes are pitch black so you have no idea where she’s looking or what she’s looking at

It’s kinda scary when she looks at you especially if it’s dark

But she’s pretty so it’s okay

Loves Japanese comfort foods and will cook them a lot like really good ramen, mochi ice cream, udon, kastu curry, tempura and hot pot

It reminds her of her mom

Jane’s kinda happy that she has long shiny black hair like her mom now

If you were ever gonna run into a Creepypasta and live, Jane’s definitely your best bet

Likes to shapeshift to look normal to take Mary on dates

Wears black dresses when she’s not fighting but when she is, jeans and a sweater all black of course

Sounds like Amy Lee from Evanescence when she sings

A smooth soothing voice when she talks

Lived with Mary in their home till she got roped in with all the other pastas (but that’s a completely different hc list completely)

Since Jane works for the government she’s rich. Like really rich

So she’s always clean and put together

Can walk in heels like a pro

Jane’s a queen and I love her

This isn’t proofread I made this at 3 am sorry lol

#creepypasta #creepypasta hcs #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta characters #creepypasta headcanon #crp #jane the killer #janethekiller #Jane the killer hcs #jane the killer headcanons #jane the killer creepypasta #janethekillerhcs #jane richardson #janethekillerheadcanons #jane everlasting #janeeverlasting #janeeverlastinghcs #jeff the killer creepypasta #jeffthekiller

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commandershepardvasfuckit · 10 months ago

Text

Idk if this is a popular opinion or not, but Larian adding the option to tell Halsin that what he went through while being held captive by the drow was traumatizing and he needs to think about it is both insulting and tactless.

He does speak about it all fairly light heartedly, and he literally tells you that it’s far in the past and indicates that clearly it’s something he’s thought about a lot and has comes to terms with.

It’s so wild that he tells you that he’s healed in his way on his terms, as a 350 year old man, and people are literally raging over what?

That he’s not a traumatized victim for you to fix? That everything about his character is about growth and change and he’s incorporated what was something horrible and traumatic into his life and is now at peace with it? That just like in nature, he’s gone through a cycle of renewal and he’s reached a level of healing few people will ever accomplish where he can even joke?

Like I’m not sorry, we’re probably looking at like 150 years of him meditating and working through this. Halsin, a guy with very high emotional intelligence and focus on healing the past before moving forward (his entire arch with the shadowcurse!) and people are going to infantilize him and tell him he doesn’t understand his own experiences?

No way

Halsin also makes sure to have people perceive him in a certain way. He’s brilliant and knows the power of being able keep up an appearance. Right after you first recruit him you can ask him a ton of questions and get a lot of info on him, except it’s all very surface level and very expected even if you knew nothing about his character. This is after he just talks about seeing you as strong and trusting you too, he’s keeping up the same “Halsin the archdruid” sort of one dimensional character. Everything he says is true, he does whittle and likes honey, but everything he tells you are very small pieces.

From talking to druids at the grove and seeing his research we know he’s an adept healer both magically and in practical medicine, and he’s brilliant with biology (academically incredibly gifted) and has a deep interest in them, likely fixating on both (especially as he tells you people call him obsessed when he gets into things). So why not bring up either?

Because the more he gets into his deeper interests the more questions people have. The more about himself he has to talk about and the harder his carefully constructed “wise old archdruid Halsin” appearance is to maintain.

He’s been archdruid for 100 years, a pretty small amount in an elven life. And at only 350 he’s still young to other elves, but a druid circle fleeing disaster doesn’t want their leader to be some young inexperienced guy. So what to do instead? Embrace that other races think 350 is old, lean into that false perception since it doesn’t hurt anyone and helps your circle feel safe. Maintain a laidback appearance that falls inline with what others expect on the surface and dabble in your interests on your own time (though never hiding your interests).

So yeah, I don’t think Halsin is some emotionally daft man who doesn’t understand trauma and needs the player to “save him” and make him heal.

He did that a long time ago on his own and chooses to make light of it because 1) he truly is past it, 2) it fits with everything else about him as his WHOLE CHARACTER is based around growing from experiences (death of his whole family, the shadowcurse, losing his archdruid and having to fill that role), 3) it lets him be in control of his own narrative.

Halsin is a deep and complex character that prefers that characters in the game have a very specific perception of him unless you really get to know him.

Anyone thinking that man doesn’t know he’s gone through trauma and hasn’t healed is still stuck with an act 1, one dimensional version of him and didn’t take the time to connect the dots.

#halsin #bg3

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marshmallowprotection · 5 months ago

Note

You’re really good at analyzing the characters so what are some common mischaracterizations or head canons people in the fandom have about the characters that you don’t like?

Common? Well, there are a lot of things little things that I don't care for when I see them, but I know most people feel the same. Yoosung has a huge one. I hate when people make cousin jokes at his expense and I scroll and block when I see people make them at this point. It's not funny, and you don't understand Yoosung as a person. You don't understand his grief and frankly, that's insulting because that's a big part of his character arc.

People belittle him and make him feel like a kid when he's twenty-one years old and coming into his own. He's not a baby, sure, he going to learn a lot in the future because there's so much he hasn't gotten the chance to experience, but lack of experience doesn't mean that he's not capable of standing on his own. Yes, compared to the other RFA members, he hasn't done a lot, but that doesn't mean he's not super accomplished. He was a stellar student, he worked hard to get to the place he is, and the only reason he's floundering is due to the grief in his heart.

Grief plays a huge role in his story and if you want to understand him, you need to know his grief. Set aside the fact that Rika's still alive. He doesn't know that and in most routes, he never does. She was so very important to him because Yoosung was a lonely person even though he was a popular kid who didn't have trouble making friends. He was lonely and you can tell he's lonely if you look hard enough to see it in your own eyes.

Actually, if you want my headcanon about him, I think Yoosung was an oops baby. I think his sister was much older than he is and due to that fact, he was never super close to her. Sure, his family is the most normal in the entire game, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have its own faults. His mother loves him, she does her best to take care of him, but it seems like his father is always rather busy at his job with the government. With a sister much older than him that he can't ever seem to relate to, and a mom who is trying her best but pushes him when he makes mistakes, and a father who isn't around all that much for him, it's got to be lonely.

Why else do you think he latched onto Rika when she came to speak to him? She saw him. She saw him and related to him. She was closer to his age and knew how to talk to him. It's no wonder Rika became a very important person in his life. She saw that he was lonely and that he needed others to root for him, and that's why she convinced him to stick around and join the RFA. Rika did care for Yoosung, she really wanted him him to do well in life back then, and pulling him into the RFA was the best thing Rika did for him because it gave him a place to have others to turn to for advice.

The RFA is a found family no matter what, and even though the RFA playfully bullies Yoosung sometimes, they're some of the only people who know the facets of who Yoosung is.

Zen isn't a narcissist and even if he was one, that's not a bad thing. However, I will say it's not a good look when folks shout that word and villainize personality disorders. Please, I implore people to do more research and be more mindful about how they speak about personality disorders, not just with narcissistic personality disorder, but BPD, OCD, etc.

He is overcompensating. When he is spouting compliments toward himself, it's because he's trying to convince himself that those words have power. Words do have power, let me tell you, and if you call yourself trash all the time, you are inevitably going to believe you are trash.

I'm not saying you have to do what he's doing to build up your confidence, but I'm going to say that what he's doing can be quite helpful for people. You'll make a lot of progress if you're not trying to beat yourself down. The world isn't going to hold back its punches, so why in the world would you beat yourself down just to help the things that want to see you crumble? I know it's easier said than done, but it's good to be in the habit of not insulting yourself.

You don't have to compliment yourself, but don't call yourself trash.

You know another thing about him that gets to me? It’s something he shares with Jumin that doesn’t get the conversation it needs. Both of them have more in common than they realize. They're both victims of sexual harassment, and one of the reasons why I love Zen Route has to do with the fact that they get to have a healthy conversation about their insecurities and what they've both experienced.

Jumin downplays his copious trauma all the time, but speaking with Zen is a way to front those demons with someone who won't mince words for his sake but will also be understanding and considerate at the same time. Jumin thinks he isn't allowed to complain to expend on his trauma because he's a man in a place of privilege. He thinks it isn't important in the grand scheme of things. He thinks he got lucky and others deserve far more sympathy than he does because they've not had as much fortune as he has.

Zen calls him on his shit for it. That's why I love when Zen and Jumin can truly begin to understand each other underneath their banter of "Zen hates Jumin because Jumin reminds him of his older brother in the worst way imaginable" and "Jumin lets Zen poke at him because it's fun to have debates and discussions with others and Zen doesn't hold back" and "Zen gets rightfully angry about how rich people can flaunt their wealth" and "Jumin doesn't even hate Zen, he just leans into what Zen expects because it's what Zen "wants.""

Zen and Jumin have a lot in common. Sure, some people understand that, but I think some of the little details get missed. It took me a long time to understand Jumin because he peeved me at first, but once I got to see who he is as a person, I realized that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, and that's a lesson we all know, but it's good to get it reinforced. You learn that in Zen's Route, and you can't shake it off when you get Jumin's Route when needs the same theory applied to it.

I just don't like it when put don't put weight on Jumin's trauma and entirely miss it when it's blatant.

Don't get me started on the bad ending. I don't like talking about his bad ending because people like to romanticize that relationship and call it canon. That's the problem for me. I also love indulging in Bad Endings myself, but I do not call them the good ending. My problem with Jumin’s BE is that there are people who claim the Bad Ending is healthy and fight to say that it’s a “better ending.”

Listen, my friend, if you want an ending with a relationship that has BDSM, you can have that. You can have that in the Good Ending. You do not have to get a Bad Ending to get it, you can write and imagine it in the Good Ending, and you can have the characters communicate consent and boundaries. You can imagine that and have it that way! I can't believe I have to say that! It is 100% okay to consume content for the Bad Ending and to create it.

But for the love of God, stop calling it a Good Ending and stop acting like it's healthy. Cheritz made a DLC for it because they knew people would pay for that. That's literally the only reason why that got made and I hate it. I hate that his trauma about his damn mother is hidden in a ending that emotionally destroys that man and you would never know anything about it unless you decided to play it. His mother is a piece of shit, by the way, but I'm sure most people know that by now.

All I want is for people to call the ending what it is and to tag it appropriately so I can avoid it. I don't want to consume anything for it and that's my choice. I'm not saying you can't enjoy it, please enjoy it if you want to enjoy it, but call it for what it is because I call all of the Bad Endings I consume Bad Endings for a reason.

I hate it when people say that Jaehee is bland. I hate it when people say that Jaehee is overbearing about Zen and then they bash her into the ground because she "gets in the way" of Zen/MC. I hate when I'm forced to see someone claim that Jaehee's route isn't romantic. Y'all do realize that Jaehee's route has the most realistic route, right? She isn't yet aware of her sexuality or her feelings toward other woman. It doesn't occur to her at first that her feelings for MC are romantic and it takes time for her to fall in love. She's not rushing this experience... she's indulging in it.

She wants to be your partner, your best friend, your closest person in the world first, and as you get closer, that's when you fall in love. She needs time to sort out her feelings, that's the kind of person she is. It takes her time to process her feelings. She's spent her entire life in a place where she's had to fight to earn her keep and look after herself. She went after a career field that would take care of her, and while it's great that she's good at being an assistant to Jumin, it's empty.

It doesn't make her happy. It gives her enough money to pay for all kinds of tickets to see Zen perform, sure, but it doesn't make her feel good about life. Jaehee's route is about someone who feels like they are trapped in a job that's killing them slowly because they don't think they can dream and try something risky because that risk might just be the thing that makes them happy and fulfilled.

I understand that people get frustrated when Zen gets to have hard conversations with Jaehee. I know that a lot of people would rather see the MC complete those visuals with Zen or do it themselves, but I think it’s important to understand why Zen is the one who talks to Jaehee about dreams and passion. Zen ran away from home to chase after his dream knowing it may not happen. It took him a while to get to the point he's at today, and not that many people are lucky when they chase after their dreams. He took a huge risk, which is very scary when you could take the easier path next to it, and to him, it was the risk worth taking.

Jaehee's afraid to take risks.

Having Zen, her idol, tell her to follow her passion, made a difference. On top of that, Saeyoung helped her, too. He could see that she was miserable and he offered to do that report for her so she wouldn't have to torture herself when she finally found something that put light in her eyes. Saeyoung, Zen, and MC are the real MVPs of that route.

While those two are doing their best, you’re doing the same work in the background. You are her confidant, the person who hears her, and the one who is there at the end of the day when all is said and done and she needs somebody to listen.

That's how she starts to fall in love with you, and it's something she'll realize a little bit later after you two are working together to achieve a dream, and I think it's important to understand that. Your relationship builds from being friends to falling in love.

Yes, I understand there are jokes about them just being friends and this route being the platonic one, but I don't think people understand Mystic Messenger took a huge leap in 2016 by having a romanceable queer female route in the game. Progress is progress, and it's damn important to be happy when we have these milestones. I've seen so many other games come out after this leap was made and it's getting better with every new game that comes out that has male and female options.

I know it can feel like such a minor thing after the fact, but little jumps are what make progress happen. Whether it's the wedding in Steven Universe that was fought by tooth and nail in 2018, or with Korrasami going canon in 2014, progress comes when we fight for it. Jaehee's route is one of those moments.

Pushing Cheritz for more gave us more romantic content in the game as well.

The Valentine’s DLC for Jaehee is much more blatant and even the Christmas DLC has its moment. Better yet, the birthday images over the years have become much more forthcoming in the fact that Jaehee and MC are in a relationship. You can be proud of the little things, and you can be proud of progress, because if you don't take a moment to appreciate the little things, it feels like the world is bleak and that's no way to live.

I hate it when people misunderstand Saeyoung but that's something that's been fought over a lot over years so I don't think I need to say a lot about that. He is a multifaceted character and people limit him to being a silly guy. We all know where people go wrong with that at the end of the day and it's so much easier just to keep scrolling than it is to deal with someone who only wants to make him a joke. He isn't the butt of a joke. He's Saeyoung Choi.

However, I will say that I don't appreciate it when people don’t give him the same compassion as Saeran when it comes to his trauma. What I mean by that is I don’t see people talk about what Saeyoung suffered through because of Mother Choi—I don’t see a lot of talk about how Saeyoung was parentified and had to fight tooth and nail to take care of Saeran to the point where his identity became one in which his only reason for living was to take care of Saeran. People scratch the surface of this, but they don't get into the thick of it.

I don't see people talk about his feelings about his mother and how his parentification haunts him to this day.

When people write (Secret Ending) Saeran to be an asshole. I have a lot of squicks about him fandom wise.

I have never enjoyed people writing him out to be cruel and vindictive but that is something people have done in the past, but fortunately enough, I haven't seen many people do it in the last year or so but it was a problem back in the day and it still irks me when I think about it. I get it, a lot of what we know about him has to be built on what we think as the player since there isn't information about him after his breakdown with his brother.

As fans, we had to build his personality ourselves and figure out his perspective. I don't think there's a right or wrong way to make some content for him, but I do hate it when people go out of their way to make him cruel.

One of the reasons I wanted to start writing him in the first place was because every time I tried to read content for him, he would be such an asshole to Saeyoung. I get it. I know why people assume he would be that way, but he is baked in apathy and numbness. He does not have the energy to fight and made that abundantly clear in the end that he doesn’t have the strength to fight Saeyoung anymore. That's the main reason why he just stopped trying to... you know, get rid of himself.

His brother was never going to let him die. He accepted that he can't leave this world even if he wants to, so he's trying to make the best of what he has. He has the sky and he has ice cream, and that's pretty much all he has.

He is sullen. He may not always be forthcoming or kind people, but he doesn't have the energy to be destructive anymore. It would take a lot to upset him. You would need to push every button in the book to get him to lash out. What's the point in lashing out at everyone when it doesn't solve anything? That's not to say he doesn't have moments where he can't see anything but the past and he lashes out because he's terrified, but that's different than actively choosing to be cruel to other people.

I don't think he has many people around him other than Saeyoung and MC. He doesn't know how to interact with other people and he doesn't particularly want to start at this point because he feels like it's too late. I also don't agree with the people who imply that he would be friends with the RFA. That is where I differ with a lot of people and I'm okay with that because that's just the way I imagine things to be and I don't try to force my opinion on others.

It's nothing against the members of the RFA. I just don’t think he would want to be friends with them. Jumin and Yoosung especially. They were closest to Jihyun and Rika. It's not their fault they had that closeness with them, but because of that closeness, Saeran wouldn’t want to go near there.

Saeran killed Jihyun. We could argue up and down all day long if that was something he wanted to do when he raised that gun to defend himself thinking his brother was dead. But, he did do that even in the wrong state of mind and that's something he has to carry for the rest of his life. Jihyun was Jumin’s best friend. Saeran won't be able to look that man in the eye even if Jumin could look past it knowing the complexities of the situation.

Yoosung held Rika close after the events of the Secret Ending and shipped her off with Zen, don't get me started on how much I hate that because I write it out of anything I write with the Secret Ending. That never happens in my Secret Ending. Rika goes to jail to face the consequences of her crimes and gets some well-needed therapy for her own trauma that's been left to the wayside.

He wouldn't want to be around Zen or Jaehee, either. He stalked them for years. He put them through hell depending on the ending you're playing. He doesn't want to be around them and he doesn't want their "pity" friendship. Saeran knows they would be nice to him for Saeyoung's sake, and he doesn't want that. I get it, I love it when Saeran is friends with the RFA, but that isn't happening in the Secret Ending, I'm sorry. Your MC can be friends with them, but... I just can't say Saeran will.

It was actually a dream of mine to write a SE Saeran/Reader fic that had the characterization I wanted for years and I finally a few years ago because I said, "What the hell, people will read it if they want." If you want to see my take on SE Saeran, please, read my fic Iris, It will keep you busy for a while, it's 170k.

I've never been huge on Yooran in the context of SE Saeran/Yoosung because most of the basis is built around the Bad Ending and when I see content for them, I'm always wary of it because I know there's a subtle chance that the writer might make Saeran become an ass to everyone around him and treat Yoosung in ways I'm not going to even think about. You can write whatever you want, just tag it properly if it is an unhealthy dynamic, and back in the earlier days, there weren't a lot of warning tags so it really soured it for me given how I already felt about SE Saeran.

I do think the ship can be great when it is founded in Another Story, though. Yoosung admires Saeran and even admits to having a crush on him, and in this ending, hey, if you want to imagine Yoosung/MC/Saeran or Saeran/Yoosung post-Another Story? I would love to see it. Because, God, Yoosung treating VAE Ray and Saeran tenderly during fireworks because they're terrified of loud noises? Or, even better, I'm giddy at the thought of Yoosung and GE Saeran baking together in a French kitchen!

I have thoughts and feelings about Rika and V as well, but those don’t land most of the time for me because I have to consistently hammer home that I don’t condone what either of them did every time. Just because I try to understand their past and motivations doesn't mean I condone their bullshit. Motivation, Traumatic Backstory =/= excuses. There is no excuse for their actions and they need to face judgement for it. Hard to have a conversation about them because some people think I'm condoning or erasing their actions by trying to understand more about them as person.

So, I don't get too heavy into those two, but I will say that a lot of people don't understand Rika and V because they don't want to. I can't fault them for that, either.

I understand why most people would not want to touch them with a ten-foot pole. You are not being forced to learn more about them, why they are the way they are, or what brought them to the point in which they made their choices. If you never want to learn anything more about them, I can't blame you for that. But, if you want to talk about them in a larger capacity beyond "I hate them and I want them to go to face justice for this and that" (very valid take, by the way), it's important to understand their motivations, if nothing else.

I think they are interesting characters and I want to understand more about them because looking at Jihyun is an uncomfortable mirror for me at times. It's helped me be a better person.

#ask #mod kait #anon #AS A REMINDER THESE ARE JUST MY OPINIONS AND FEELINGS YOU DON'T HAVE TO AGREE

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saltydkdan · 1 year ago

Note

Are the JoJo's icebergs fun to work on? They look like a blast to edit and write! (If a bit of a large workload)

The Jojo Iceberg has been... interesting. On one hand yes! It has been a blast to work on in some senses! It taught me a lot about writing, and research, while also allowing me the freedom to experiment with editing and injecting my humor into scripted stuff in a more organic way. I feel like with each chunk of the series I've posted thus far, I've shown more and more confidence over time.

Plus you are right!! Once the audio editing is done, working on visual edits and gags is a blast. Sure it takes time, but I have a weird love for making smooth video edits for people to watch (even though like 50% of the people that view those videos probably just listen to em like a podcast without looking at it haha).

So that sort of stuff, yes! That's been a blast, and I've learned a TON that I'd never take back for the world!

However on the flipside, logistically this project was a nightmare from day one LOL. And this is the part where I try to dissuade anyone from EVER working on a longer project like this because god damn it's been a pain at times.

Keep in mind, the script (as it stands) is nearly 200 pages. That is the longest scripted work I've ever helped write in my entire life, and when I started I was NOT that experienced as a writer whatsoever. I'm a bit better now, but at times I still struggle.

I made the horrible decision to never put a cap on the script. For every new fact I learned, even if it wasn't a part of the original plans for the video, I would add it to the pile. No matter what it was. I was committed to making it as long as I thought it needed to be, not as long as it probably SHOULD have been to get done in a reasonable amount of time.

I did all this for a deep passion for the source material, and even after the final part comes out early this year, I plan on going back and correcting the very few mistakes or miswordings I had in the original videos when I put them all together in one MEGA video.

But that passion for Jojo is a blessing and a curse, and I hadn't realized how long a project like this would take me amidst all the other big projects like Friendlocke and HYHA.

Full disclosure, the script was first started in December of 2020. That's nearly 3-4 YEARS AGO by now. If I knew that putting all this together would take that long, I probably wouldn't have committed to it in the way that I did. In that time, I probably could have put out a TON of shorter stuff, but I was so committed to this that I just didn't and that very much hurt my channel in the long term.

Though to be real, I haven't worked on it consistently, I tend to jump on and off between projects to avoid burnout. However still, by the time it's all done, the Jojo Iceberg combined together will most likely be the longest piece of content on my channel (yes, potentially longer than Friendlocke Season 3, I estimate that it'll probably come out to around 6 hours in length if I don't cut anything down).

It's because of this that after this is all out there? I plan to NEVER tackle something this long ever again. Friendlocke and Jojo have drained my bones, and all I wanna do these days is work on shorter stuff. Though I guess in that sense, this project has really helped teach me a lot about the sort of stuff I want to make. So in a way, even the negatives have positives! There's always something you can take away with, even if your experience had some downsides.

Looking at such a long script and doing some math, it's made me realize that like... damn. I could DEFINITELY do shorter videos way more consistently in the future. And so that's what I plan to do :)

So yeah! Some positives and negatives. But overall, I learned a lot and that's all I could ever ask for.

Thanks for your question! Have a good one!

#saltydkdan #salty asks #jojos bizarre adventure

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crimsonedquill · 2 years ago

Text

How they act in front of their crush (Hogwarts Legacy)

Poppy Sweeting 🦡

It’s not out of character for her to freeze up in the presence of other people, but this is different. Sweaty palms, glowing cheeks, stumbling over her words; it’s like she’s coming down with a bout of the flu.

Beasts trivia is the only topic she can discuss without immediately getting tongue-tied, so she mostly sticks to that for conversation fodder. Will spend a suspicious amount of time talking about mating rituals.

“Did you know that Fwoopers seduce each other with particular mating calls?” *imitates bird noises*

She tries dropping a lot of hints in the form of beast metaphors, but gets increasingly depressed when they fail to notice them. How do they not understand what she meant by Hippogriff love dances?

Natsai Onai 🦁

She doesn’t really get flustered, but she will start acting excessively nice and helpful (one oddity is that the ground suddenly seems to be littered with lost things)

“I believe you dropped this” *smiles whilst pulling out a random quill they have never seen before*

Of course her mother catches on. She will make sure they sit apart during her classes and she’ll call them to attention the minute she sees them even looking at each other, but that doesn’t stop her daughter from trying.

She loves sketching them on random pieces of parchment during other classes. Capturing their features in ink is almost therapeutic to her, allowing her to carry them with her even when they’re not physically present.

Imelda Reyes 🐍

Crushes? Pft. She doesn’t have time for them. It’s absolutely not like she loves the challenge or anything.

She’ll make them sweat buckets just like anyone else during Quidditch training, but in a way that suggests some obvious sexual tension.

“You need a tighter grip on that bat, like this” *aggressively squeezes their club wishing it was her throat*

She likes it when they don’t give in right away. Flirty looks, suggestive comments; she’ll just push them far enough until they finally break and she can devour them whole.

Ominis Gaunt 🐍

He’s usually very skilled at navigating via wand, which makes it all the more odd that he’s constantly brushing up too close against them.

“Pardon, how foolish of me” *bumps into them despite practically having the entire room to himself*

You might call him a bit of an old-fashioned romantic, so he ends up spending a lot of time writing poetry to express his feelings. Finding the right words to describe the way their voice makes him feel is the best way to enhance his ‘experience’ of them.

Sometimes, he just likes to hang back and listen to their conversations with others; he loves the sound of their laughter. (The added benefit being that he might pick up on any hints of mutual interest.)

Sebastian Sallow 🐍

Will definitely try to impress them with reckless stunts or some ominous-sounding incantation he found in an obscure book in the Restricted Section.

“Hey, watch this” *accidentally summons a demon from hell*

He won’t waste any opportunity to show off in their presence, especially during duels. Leander Prewett should be happy he isn’t a stain on the wall of the Defence Against the Dark classroom by the time he’s done.

His urge to act all macho mostly stems from a place of insecurity. Even though he doesn’t admit to it openly, he’s constantly fretting if he’s good enough for them.

Amit Thakkar 🦅

Of course, our good Ravenclaw boy wouldn’t engage in any unbecoming behaviour that would jeopardise his studies.

That said, making an extra effort to help out a fellow classmate doesn’t really count, does it?

“Allow me to help you with that” *blushes heavily when their hands touch as he’s adjusting their telescope*

Is definitely the type to do extensive research on their likes and preferences. Keeps a notebook on the things they do after school and their favourite classes to have a topic of conversation in case he has a chance to talk to them.

#hogwarts legacy #harry potter #poppy sweeting #natsai onai #imelda reyes #ominis gaunt #sebastian sallow #amit thakkar #hogwarts legacy headcanons

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mar3ggiata · 7 months ago

Text

professional help, c10. Kidnapped

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs.

song to listen to when reading this: Come a little closer, Cage the elephant.

abstract: hey this is Jude. you doing alright? you'd never guess who I saw! anyways, I'm almost content in this chapter and then I'm angry again. I've been angry my whole life guys I swear. also, had a special someone with me that night, can you guess who my passenger princess was?

She chuckled when he left the room. Skeleton mask, skeleton gloves, hell he probably had skeleton fucking underwear on. It seemed so out of character for him to be this nice to come all the way to her office and talk to her. He did seem a tiny bit uncomfortable, maybe he wasn't the best at social interactions. He had woke up happy and decided to be a decent human being for once. She didn't trust that his intentions were pure. Maybe he wanted her to speak about it cause he already heard from his friends and wanted the full version. You really want to know Simon, I'll send you the security cameras footage via email, that'll hunt you for a lifetime.

She had a busy day and had to stop thinking about their interaction for a few hours. She was in such a good mood she even had lunch, alone in her office, but still. Her thoughts kept wondering to the Lieutenant, his blue jacket and his thick arms, she had to compose herself when Sergeant Raul, her last patient of the day, had a panic attack in front of her. She got home late, exhausted. She went on a night walk with Jinx, cooked dinner and sat down at her table, her violent grinder and little jar with weed in front of her. She had some reports to finish, she had another two Nutcracker songs to choreograph. Her eyes lingered on 'The Pilgrimage' which she kept as a souvenir from her Sherlock CIA experience with the Arash case. She fished out a lighter from her bag and opened the book in front of her. She liked reading it, she enjoyed it. She had never been much of a religious person, though she was raised catholic. She respected the idea of faith, how it guided people, how it made them feel less alone. She had a thought. A tiny one. A sneaky suspicion. The little urge to lurk. It was a little lightbulb moment, a cinematic sequence in which the music stopped and then violins started playing as she began to think. Her rollie in one hand, the book in the other, she looked at her dog, smell of weed all around her. The poor thing was asleep on the couch, blissfully unaware. When she reached for her laptop to do some research, she knew she was gonna find something.

Two days later she was still debating on telling Price. She really didn't want to bother Laswell, poor woman didn't need more work. They were going to leave in 4 days. She decided she'd tell the first person she would see. It would be the universe to decide. Her office was at the opposite area from Price's so she had slim chances of telling anyone. It wasn't her mission, it wasn't her job, it wasn't her place. She was overstepping.

'Fuck', she said to herself, when she saw the Lieutenant in the parking lot. She froze, foot on the brakes. That's it, it's the universe's choice, you have to tell him. He's gonna kill you. He was smoking. His mask was slightly raised on his nose, exposing his mouth. Not that she could see anything, he was way too far and she was short sighted. Did he ever leave that mask home? He had a vest on, a light blue sherpa jacket that looked extremely comfortable. She looked at his cigarette, he had less than half of it left. Four drags maximum. Just tell him for fuck's sake, it's for the greater good and it’s a fucking good theory. He was almost finished. She slowly came to a stop in front of him and rolled down her window.

The world was silent around them. The sun was setting, the air was crisp. He had noticed the car, he remember it was the same model as hers. He didn't think she would stop. What she said next made his heart skip a beat. 'Hop in? I need to talk to you'. Her eyes were even a prettier colour in this light. They looked translucent. Her skin was shining and golden under the sunlight. 'Can it wait?' He tried to avoid getting in the car with her. Deeply unprofessional. Where did she want to take him anyway, couldn't they talk in his office? What was it she wanted to tell him? 'I'll take you back here when we're done, just a little ride’. She wasn't giving up. Am I being fucking kidnapped by you, Jude? Most guys wouldn't really complain to be honest, but still… He reluctantly sat in the passenger seat, having to adjust his seat to accommodate for his size. The lack of control he had in the situation made him uncomfortable, his fingers tingling with excitement and a slight bit of panic. But this girl… this girl, her presence was just weirdly irresistible. He wanted to know what she wanted to say, every little detail, every hint to who she truly was. He craved that. She slowly took off. She seemed a good driver, she kept her speed stable. 'What is it?' he asked impatient to know why he was being kidnapped. 'So, I kept thinking about what you said about Khorram, that he's hidden somewhere.' She glanced at him while she talked, maintaining her eyes on the road ahead. 'I thought about The Pilgrimage, the book. It's the three stages that I thought about, you know, the Jordan River was the first. Then the middle of the desert, then the Persian Gulf.'

He had to know she was coming up with another theory of hers. He started to get tense. He was getting tired to ear about this, she really had to let this go, it wasn't her place to be talking about it, all these speculations... This was war, people were getting killed everyday by this man and she was here playing detectives. 'I don't think you should keep working on this Jude. It's not your job', he said in the most assertive tone he could manage. She licked her lips, they were entering the city. She sighed, 'I know, I'm just suggesting', she insisted, but he cut her off. 'It's not your place.' He stated. He wasn't afraid to be rough with her or sound disrespectful. She was driving through a bit of traffic, she change gears swiftly and still managed to wave her hand in the air while she talked. 'I know! Since you guys didn't have a clue what you were doing the last time…' he interrupted her again, 'Doesn't mean you're right this time'. She scoffed and slightly raised her tone, visibly annoyed. 'You didn't even fucking let me finish, you don't know what I was about to say!' He caught a glimpse of her eyes, they looked darker. She had the same expression she always had. She looked like she was going to cast a spell on him and turn him into a chair. She must have always won every single argument in her life. Not with him, not with that attitude. 'I don't want to hear it, I can't make my soldiers do things and go places because you read a fucking book, Jude.' If she thought she could win this, she was seriously delusional. 'I read the fucking book that made you not die last week, Simon!' She raised her voice again, turning to face him. Hearing his name escape her lips made him feel weird. It was unusual to hear his name. Ghost, L.t, he had a few nicknames. Only Price called him Simon. He thought about whether she even knew he was Ghost to the others. Simon. It sounded different. It sounded warmer, it sounded pretty. She sang his name. It sounded like it belonged in the phrase Do you want to try that new restaurant with me, Simon, or There's a song I want you to listen, Simon, or Want to take a walk with me, Simon? It sounded like it belonged to a nice, handsome and normal guy, which he wasn't.

'Merda. Oh, merda.' He didn't realise she wasn't looking at him anymore. She had stopped the car, was she going to abandon him on the side of the road? They had stopped in front of a closed building, a few cars parked in the front. The woman next to him had a confused look on her face, which quickly shifted to panic. There was a girl in front of one of the cars. She was alone and she had a bag on her shoulder. Jude pulled the handbrake and got out of the car, walking towards the girl. She must have been 14. He got out of the car, but didn't approach them. He looked at Jude take the girl's hands in her own and talk to her. He couldn't really hear what they were saying, but the little girl was sniffling. She had been crying. 'Oh god', whispered Jude as she hugged the girl, scrunching down. He watcher her hand caress the girl's hair. Why was everything so complicated and bloody mysterious when it came to this girl? He looked at Jude taking the little girl's hand and taking her to the car. He probably looked scary with his skull printed balaclava on. 'Get in Gemma, I'll drive you home okay?' She said, seating down. 'Gemma this is my friend, Simon. Simon this is one of my students, Gemma.'

Jude was perfectly calm now, the little girl sitting in the back of the car. Her eyes were dark, she was driving much slower now, more carefully. She was mad. For what? What do you mean students? He had so many questions he couldn't process to say hi to the girl. Jude kept glancing in the review mirror to make sure Gemma was okay in the back. 'You like the choreography so far?' she asked. She danced? 'Yes, really much' Gemma answered 'I like when we do the circle. With the tour jetés' she said. Jude smiled 'Yeah I like that part too'. She was driving in a residential area more far away from the city centre, but they were getting closer to the road that would take them into the desert. 'Was it this one or the next Gemma?' she was slowing down. 'The next one' said the girl quietly. 'I'll talk to your mom okay?' She said while getting out of the car. She quickly turned towards him, her look apologetic 'I'm sorry, I'll explain. Just a second.' She felt bad for making him wait, it was very unprofessional of her, but it was an emergency and he just happened to be there. At least they stopped fighting. She explained to Gemma's mother that she was driving past the school when she saw her standing outside. The school was open when they arrived, it had closed 5 minutes after she had left. The girls had told Gemma about an extra lesson just for the 5 top students of the class and Gemma had asked her mom to take her. She said she was furious with the others and would talk to them and possibly even prevent some to dance at the final performance. She apologised to Gemma for having to wait outside because of that stupid joke and hugged her one more time, before making her way to the car. Furious was an understatement. How could they be so fucking mean? So so so stupid... She sighed while getting back into the car.

'I'm sorry, I'll take you back. Sorry. Sorry.' She quickly reversed and took off in the direction of the desert. 'Everything okay?' He decided to speak since she was gripping the steering wheel with her knuckles turning white. She waited a second before replying. 'I teach ballet. The other girls told her we had lesson when we didn't, she was the only one who showed up. The school is closed, it's dark out she could have been kidnapped', she said all in one breath. She was shaking her head, how fucking horrifying and dangerous was it to be left alone in the middle of nowhere as a 14 year old girl. Thank God she saw her, poor Gemma. She wasn't blaming her mom, the school was probably still open when they arrived and closed soon after. They were approaching the base in silence, she stopped near the entrance to let him go inside. She kept muttering words in Italian, she was biting her nails nervously. 'Che stronze. Come si fa…assurdo. Troppe poche botte da piccole.' She turned towards him before he had a chance to open the door. 'I'm very sorry you had to witness that, I truly am.' She blinked a few times trying to hide her embarrassment. She messed up all her chances to get him to listen to what she had found now. 'It's fine' he said. His voice was soft. He probably understood that she really couldn't leave the girl there alone, but still. His hand was on the door handle but he wouldn't open the door yet. 'Okay… I'm sorry either way I shouldn't have… done all this.' She was panicking a little at this point. 'Jude it's fine, seriously.' He finally opened the door and got out of the car 'Go home.' He stated before turning away and entering the base.

She went home. She facetimed Salvo and told him about the situation to rant a little bit. She didn't mentioned who she was with, cause it embarrassed her. Cause picking him up was the stupidest idea of her life. She was so fucking mad at the girls she thought about a million fucking different ways to find out who was responsible and make them pay. God, I sound like my mother. Which is very bad, considering what she does for a living…

notes: oh god, what does her mother do then? translation: 'those bitches. how is this possible… incredible. didn't get hit hard enough as kids.' don't hit your kids, violence is bad. also is bullying. I am getting really good results at uni guys!! I'm gonna post the next preview as well cause I'm gonna be studying a lot again, and working and you know. figuring out how to be happy with my life I guess.

love, mare.

taglist:

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@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

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