#and it fucked with my perception of that period of time

[sand-worms]

I very very very seldom post any of my art here but every year I’m tempted to do an art vs artist post. I don’t have enough art from 2024 I want to post but I might finally cobble together some stuff from the past couple years for the end of year 👉👈

[prettyokwizard]

I need to start drawing more yaoi once I start to feel the monthly thoughts of intense emotional dread creeping in

[periphrasis]

sometimes i miss the ordered structure of living in may 2020 quarantine

attend online class from bed with giant iced coffee

get into discord fight

get into tiktok fight

go for 2 hour walk

call my then best friend now girlfriend until like 5 am

sleep with 6 specific plushies that had the same spot on my bed every night

repeat

[hkpika07]

What moment in ttte made you shocked?

Idk man ttte isn't a very shocking show. It's incredibly down to earth, if a bit real with some of its stories. While yes some of the earlier episodes and especially the books can branch onto more serious and arguably darker content its nothing that would really shock me per se.

Nothing really shocks me, it just makes me think. Maybe be a bit sad or feel for the characters. But that's what any good story does.

[arijackz]

PICK A CARD: The ☆Glow-Up☆ 2024 Has Planned For you

♠︎ “At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Disclaimer: This is a general reading, take what resonates. 

p1 → p2 ↙︎ p3 → p4

✧ Pile One ✧ (queen of cups, 5oC rev., 10oC, the chariot, the magician, 4oS)

Release.

➣ The central theme of this glow-up is inner fulfillment. You are on a journey of true self-love. The queen of cups is sitting proudly at the front of the spread. Major water energy here. You are unraveling emotional trauma down to your roots and reevaluating past attachments and burdens with the six of cups.

➣ I picture floodgates opening, allowing all of the pent-up emotional turmoil to release and finally free you on a deep psychophysiological level. You released something, an attachment or mindset that was set in motion during your formative years that was hindering your ability to hold compassion for yourself.

➣ Shuffling my music, "Daddy Issues" by the Neighbourhood came on. I also saw the hierophant while shuffling the cards. You experienced a lot of undervaluing and emotional neglect in your home. Emotions in your home were taboo and possibly even punished.

➣ I feel like the people around you growing up, were either always dissatisfied with you in some way or made you feel small. Since this is a group reading, it is hard to word this without excluding a large chunk of the audience, but some of you grew up in a home situation where any form of outward self-love or expression was met with a lot of negativity and ridicule. 

➣ This forced you into hiding your true self which groomed you into a mental space full of self-criticism and doubt. In your mind, you were unwanted or inherently broken in some way and deserved less. The way you were treated created deep emotional wounds in your young psyche which made it hard to feel satisfaction within yourself or with the outer world.

➣ With the five of cups, I get the sense that you had felt you were in a desert and unable to fill any of your cups so to speak. Baby, that’s coming to an end. The ten of cups is at the center of your spread with a big ass RAINBOW touching corner to corner. The drought is over. The dark days are over. The sun is shining and you can taste hope again. 

➣ On this self-love journey, you are currently grieving (releasing) a degraded perception of yourself along with any beliefs that inhibit you from feeling good about your character.

➣ You are realizing just how enough you are and flushing out all of the poison that was crammed in your head about being inadequate. You are freeing yourself from the chains of feeling unworthy of a good life.

➣ You will find true beauty in every corner of you. Beauty in your laugh, beauty in how you dance, beauty in how you take care of yourself, beauty in what you care about, inner beauty that cannot be taken from you or scaled down. You will nurture your inner world, thus adding color to your outer world.

➣ During this major life-changing period, your view of reality will flip in a way you never thought imaginable. Life will feel worth living again. Your music will move you more and the swift pass of wind will invigorate you with new ideas for creative projects that will propel you forward to lifelong prosperity.

➣ I’m hearing 🎵 “… I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so proud of you” from Make Me Proud by Drake. Congratulations babe, you just broke a fucking karmic cycle. 10 of cups, following the 5 of cups??? You have graduated from a dark knight of the soul and are now approaching new, abundant energy.

➣ The universe is proud of you. Your ancestors are proud of you. Your inner child is proud of you. Your God(s) is proud of you. All of the cells in your body are proud of you. You have released something cosmically within you. Please hug yourself and have a good cry because you are doing something you never believed you could. Your hopes and dreams are unfolding.

➣ Get ready to make your daydream your reality.  With the chariot, you’re prepping to TAKE AWWFF BABY. The release of this blockage has raised your energetic vibration and is ushering bountiful opportunities into your life, new passions, new ideas, and new connections. 

➣ Your newfound faith in yourself is going to give you the courage to go out and experience life. Most importantly you will find satisfaction in the mundane. Every frame of your day will be brighter and feel better. You have gone from 5 empty cups to an eternally flowing fountain. Take the time to thank yourself for all of the hard work you put in to get here. 

➣ Advice: Extend yourself grace. During this period, you will have enlightening moments that will unlock pieces of the puzzle surrounding your trauma and a lot more will make sense and become easier to process. 

➣ However, as the flawed humans we are, we tend to make sense of something and then turn around and beat ourselves up for not realizing it sooner. Or, minimizing our pain and criticizing our past selves for not doing more about it because hindsight truly is a dirty dawg. No that is not how it works. 

➣ That’s like when you were in school and the teacher would start bullying you for not understanding a subject. YOU HAVE A DEGREE??? I’m fourteen?? Of course, you can say it's simple when you have already “graduated” and learned from it, not when you’re in the middle of experiencing it.  You gained clarity during this tower moment and can now see the bigger picture and liberate yourself. 

➣ Younger you fought to make your way through the fog and deserves grace because you would not be here today without your younger self’s perseverance. Forgive yourself for the time it took to get here and see the beauty in your evolution throughout the journey.

➣ Also, drink plenty of water and get rest!! It’s Pisces season, and a Pisces new moon is coming too. Most of your trauma will unravel while you’re unconscious. Please get plenty of rest and hydrate. This pile has Cancer/4th house energy written all over it. Mother yourself during this period. Clean your room, make your favorite foods, watch cheesy movies, and splurge on special skin care. Pamper yourself. okay I'm done. KISSES.

"My consciousness has outgrown this vessel"

✧ Pile Two ✧ (4ofS, the tower, the wheel of fortune, the emperor, the lovers, judgment, 7ofW, ace of wands)

Life's gotta always be messing with me (you wanna see the light) Can't they chill and let me be free? (So do I) Can't I take away all this pain? (You wanna see the light) I try to every night, all in vain, in vain

Justice.

➣ I asked for a song to explain the central theme of your reading and I got "Freak on a Leash" by Korn. I get the feel that one of the main struggles of your life path is unfair judgment. People are quick to create a false narrative of you and run off with it.

➣ If you read my last PAC, “What is most alluring about you”, you may have chosen pile 2 or 3. With the seven of wands, you are constantly under attack.

➣ Take what resonates but I see a few scenarios. People may be quick to paint you as a bad person without getting to know you. Your public reputation was heavily influenced by rumors from people who intentionally wanted you to be disliked. People will take something small, blow it out of proportion, and try to impose it as a character flaw. Oh, you don’t eat the crust on your sandwich? How wasteful! There are starving kids out there, you’re so inconsiderate!! and then everyone else in the room who claims to not like you (but are truly your biggest fans) are oooing, ahhing, and egging that hating ass bitch on. 

➣ I’m seeing a bus. You may have been betrayed and thrown under the bus a few times before. This is the pile of my Lilith placements. Your power is your ability to garner attention, both good and bad. You attract a lot of envy. The ugliest emotion, in my opinion. It’s partners in crime with greed. 

➣ For some of you, I am getting the message that all of this underserved hate has sent you into a dark mental space and driven you to take an attempt on your life. And if you like my messages or my readings please believe me when I say this,

 I know you are meant for greatness. I picked up on your energy and you found this reading for a reason. Just like the Universe and everything within it, we go through cycles. And I know this is a long, painful cycle but it will come to an end and you will get out of this darkness. From the bottom of my heart, I feel your importance and I am happy you are here to share this moment with me. Keep swimming, I support you, the Universe supports you. The sun is rising and is offering you a new beginning.

➣ In this dark period in your life, the negative attention may have outweighed the good. I see a theme of being outcasted and isolated. Severe bullying. For some, even abuse. Like pile one, you have gone into hermit mode and isolated yourself from the unfair judgment of the world. 

➣ But head up muffin, the scales are balancing, and the wheel of judgment is turning in your favor. Following the wheel of fortune, you got the fucking emperor!!! You will come out of this on top. The people who kicked you while you were down will have to swallow their pride and kneel to shine your shoes while you sit rightfully on the throne. The public scrutiny you face needs to balance itself out karmically.

➣ Think Megan Thee Stallion. I won’t bring up any of her business, but if you've been keeping up with social media, there is a good chance you are well aware of it. That woman has gone through the unimaginable, one traumatic event following the other all while facing an obscene amount of public scrutiny. She had to go into solitary and off the internet to rebuild her life. But guess what??? MY GIRL STAYS ON TOP>>>>> After all the bullshit she endured, she’s coming out on the top of the charts, brand deals with major conglomerates, she is the people’s princess.

➣ That’s going to be you. You have dealt with a lot of injustice in your life, now you’re coming out of your “rehabilitation” and all of the people who spent the better half of their day attempting to tear you down will have to watch your rise like a phoenix and fucking weep.

➣ People were constantly taking from you , now the universe (whatever you want) is preparing to give you the power to replace what you have lost tenfold. Ace of wands, I see that life is handing you the metaphorical talking stick. The king stick. You are being blessed with a flame in your belly (activated solar plexus chakra) and the chance to completely reinvent yourself. 

➣ There is a lot of king and authority messages here, the ball is in your court. You are being released from the shackles of public perception and these next few months will be filled with inspiration and willpower to prove everybody wrong and showcase your strength.  I feel like a good chunk of this group will get chances to be in positions of authority or importance. 

➣ This is going to sound silly but I got this exaggerated imagery of a mean person calling you poor and ugly but the next year you drive past them in a Bugatti with their sugar boo in the passenger seat. HELLOOOO.

➣ With the lovers, I see you are coming in union with what is rightfully yours. In the grand scheme of cosmic law, you are owed good fortune and it is on its way. With the tower, I see an explosion and people fleeing. You’re going to pop out stronger than ever and that’s going to scare people cause whatever superiority they got from painting you as inferior is going to blow away and their true scummy nature is going to be seen. 

➣ After this, there may even be people who pretend to be your friends and claim they supported you all along. Have faith in your discernment. I have faith in your discernment. It will all be okay pookie.

➣ Advice: Just keep swimmin' my love. <3

"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth."

✧ Pile Three ✧ (queen of wands, knight of pentacles, 6oC, page of pentacles, 10oW, 3oW, the hermit)

It's in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I'm a woman Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Awaken.

➣ Regardless if you’re a woman, a man, somewhere in between, or none of the above, you are approaching a newfound understanding of your sexuality. For some of you, it is a full-blown sexual awakening. 

➣ Some people here are realizing their sex appeal, others are coming to terms with their lack of sexual attraction, some are learning what they like in sex and what they’re attracted to. Yes bae, all of it; the whole spectrum of sexual exploration is here.

➣ There is an emphasis on attraction to yourself. You will see a huge shift in your physical appearance. Yes, your style will change but the main reason for this glow up is because you shifted the perception of yourself into a higher light. You’re allowing yourself to feel desirable and embracing the aspects of yourself you once shunned. 

➣You will carry yourself in a higher regard and this will open doors for you. Look into the mirror and give yourself a nice smack on the ass. Your self-esteem is sexy.

➣ Pile one is on a watery emotional self-love journey, this pile is all about fire and finding out where sexuality and passionate relations fit into your life. 5th house (flings, passions, hobbies), 8th house (sex and rebirth), 9th house (adventure, connecting with your soul tribe).

➣ I asked for a song to tie up this message in a cute little bow and I got the 639 HZ frequency. This is the frequency of love, radiation, and positive energy. It is the frequency of the heart. The heart chakra is opening significantly during this glow-up.

➣ You are opening yourself to adventure and sending a high vibe out into the ether. I see a sunflower and the queen of wands is decked out in bright yellow, you are stepping into the spotlight and attracting a lot of attention. I would say Venusian attention because the aura here is very romantic and collaborative. It's like the universe is spraying you with extremely magnetic pheromones and having opportunities run at you.

➣ You are going to get a lot of offers. Love offers, career offers, party invitations, you’re going to be involved with exclusive circles. You are realizing your self-worth and now you’re attracting things and people who also see value in you.

➣ This isn’t going to resonate with everyone, but I sense that for a few of you, there is going to be a reconnection with a past lover or a past friend from your childhood (or just the past in general). I also sense a theme of using your attractiveness and people’s attraction to you to your benefit. Somehow monetize your appeal. 

➣ It is like you finally released your ugly duckling mentality and you woke up and went, “WOAH, what can I do with this???” Lmao you discovered you’re an undercover member of the pretty privilege club.

➣ Yeah, with the page of pentacles and the ten of wands, I’m seeing an entire life path open up for you. Your passion and fiery energy will get you places, and you’ll go on adventures exploring your opportunities with that. Some of you will even become spicy content creators or do some risque sex work. Orrrrrr just venture into a career path you weren’t courageous enough to do before. 

➣ You’re a giant magnet energetically right now (I mean c’mon, 639 HZ???) you’re attracting a lot of romantic suitors. But watch out, they’re not all good suitors.

➣ I pulled another card and got Justice in reverse. Some people will try to get over on you. Also, the person on the justice card looked strangely untrustworthy when I flipped it over. Once again, practice your discernment.

➣ Your romantic and passionate life is taking off and it's going to be extremely exciting, especially if you are coming out of a period of stagnancy. However, with the 3 of wands and the hermit, the cards remind you to remain centered and plan bigger. Your passion, attractiveness, and sexuality will amount to more than hookups and shallow relationships if you invest in yourself wisely.

➣ You are unlocking an advantage you have in this lifetime. Open yourself to career endeavors, social networking, and creating a strong foundation for your talents and hobbies. Yes, date and have fun but don’t spend all of your energy in one place. Your attention and your energy are your greatest currencies.

➣ To expand on the hermit, I need to emphasize you are going to be getting a LOT of attention soon (I’m getting Sun-conjunct-Venus energy, is that in your natal chart or is there a transit with Venus right now or something?). You will receive more eyes on you than average and this might overwhelm you and push you into hermit mode.

➣ That is okay, let life flow. During those moments to yourself, dream big because you have the power to pull your dreams into your reality.  You will meet lifelong friends during this period. I am sensing a power trio for some of you. 

➣ Advice: To wrap up, we all know attractiveness is social currency, and you are coming into a great deal of social wealth baby. But please spend it wisely and do not lose yourself in the crowd. Keep up with your self-work and take introspective breaks away from people so you can figure out how to best utilize this awakening for you. 

➣ You look really good in red currently. Red hair. Red lips. Red clothes. Red jewelry. The color red is bringing you a lot of abundance. Okay bye. MUAH. <3

"I said mom, I am a rich man."

✧ Pile Four ✧ (page of swords, knight of cups, wheel of fortune, temperance, 7oP, the devil rev.)

Ascension.

➣ OMG I’m so sorry, I wrote a novel for the other piles but this one is going to be short. Maybe you were drawn to another pile mainly and this is your secondary pile. BUT IT’S SHORT BECAUSE ITS FUCKING AWESOME. 

➣ The song I channeled for you was named “Elniño Prodigo” and I want to say the artist is Love Record but I'm not too sure. This means child prodigy. When I was laying out your cards, I got this sense of anticipation and impatience. Theeeennn BOOM the wheel of fortune, temperance, and the seven of pentacles smack me in the face.

➣ Oh me oh my, you are chilling in the universe’s womb just BAKIN’ being prepped for a complete rebirth. You are a prodigy, you are not meant to live an ordinary life, you are being prepared for a unique journey. I know this is going to sound hard to believe because I feel like with this pile, a large portion of your life was spent in waiting.

➣ Do you feel like you are a late bloomer? If so, trust me, it is for a reason. Whatever you build in this lifetime will be built slowly and have a solid foundation because your legacy is meant to withstand the test of time and last long after you leave this Earth. This period you’ve spent waiting is you getting your ducks in a row and sowing your seeds for the next evolution of you. I said something like this in my last pac, if that's you, heyyyyyyy i’m glad your energy stuck around, i love it.

➣ Do you have Pisces or 12th House placements mixed with Saturn significance? Whatever this glow-up exactly holds for your future is a secret. It’s the universe’s divine surprise to you. I did not get any energy detailing exact events, just something big in the works behind the scenes is making its way to you. 

➣If you’re reading this pick a card there’s a good chance you’re spiritually attuned and can feel this cosmic shift happening. Something about your energy is so excited. I imagine a hyper dog being held back by a leash because it's not quite time yet.

➣ If you’re in a period where you’re not seeing any life progression and it's causing you anxiety, relax, you are on the right track and you are where you need to be. You have not wasted time, time really isn’t even fucking real. Everything is moving slowly for a reason. 

➣In this “boring” period you are meant to tap into your inner world and curate what you want your life to look like. Create vision boards, imagine your future hobbies, involve things that mentally stimulate you, keep the spark of curiosity in your life, and nurture your inner dreamer. 

➣ You are connecting with your sensitivity at this time, finding the sweet spot where your mind and heart meet, and letting it fuel your zeal for life. Get these thoughts on paper. Journal them, draw them, sing it, and call this energy into the 3D. Your life is about to have a complete 180. Maintain faith.

➣ You’re seeing a lot of synchronicities currently. Animal synchronicities and repeating numbers(111,444,222,1144,1414). You’ll find strangely personal messages in music and media. Maybe you’re seeing shapes repetitively pop up around you in your environment, like stars or eyes. 

➣ Patience is a life lesson for this pile, there is a lesson to be learned in the stillness of your life. You are mentally restless right now, slow your body down and try out parasympathetic regulation techniques to calm your racing thoughts. Go swimming, take a class, try out a new hobby. In this “womb” era, enjoy your last moments of stillness because your life turns up a notch. I’m not even getting rebirth, I’m getting BIRTH. No matter your age, your life is truly beginning in this new season.

➣ Advice: I see a lot of clouds. I see angel symbolism. You’re ascending. You’re shedding old skin, letting go of dead weight, and you’re growing wings, getting ready to experience life to the fullest. Maintain hope that your life will pick up pace and become exciting again. 

➣ Find peace in this waiting period. Listen to bird sounds!!! They are going to calm your mind and elevate you emotionally. You’re growing your wings and getting ready to take off like a bird, you should learn from the best. Okay, I love you, the universe loves you, MUAH <3.

"Your sim has gone stir-crazy!"

watching tumblr shit on my images in real time is just...

On a lighter note, I know some of these piles are heavy, I posted my first reading two days ago, and the support I received has brought so much joy into my life. I love doing this, if you like this me doing this, I'll do this forever. I am eternally grateful for all of you likes, reblogs, and comments <3

Also, some of these piles are connected, feel free to poke around and pick up on messages spread out for you. okay, I'm done. kisses! MUAH

[evieelyzabethh]

a college!jayce oneshot would be sooo goood. I love the way u write and the details u add! angsty,fluff,smut i dont mind. Just anything is fine with me 🤞🤞

be warned, this is incredibly self indulgent because I just finished my exams and desperately need to get dicked down by my slightly pervy husband...anyway

collegeau!Jayce is usually the one requesting the rewards for his "hard work", but being the kind, perceptive boyfriend, he has known exactly what you need in these very trying times. When he realized he couldn't talk you down from your all-nighters, he stayed up with you, mini fridge stocked with energy drinks and his coffee machine on stand-by when you got tired of the cold drinks. He's there with you for your hours long library visits, biding his time by making you good luck origami cranes or listening to you teach him the concepts you're studying for practice. If you need silence, he quieter than a mouse, if you need someone to talk to, he's all ears.

By the time his finals are done, yours aren't. There must some cruel force in the universe that mandated not only exams, but papers, projects, and presentations all be placed into your lap with rather constricting due dates and very short turn-around periods. The struggle was manageable enough when you were both going through it, but now that he's reached the end of the tunnel alone, he misses his girlfriend. Now, he sees you eating sleep for dinner and nearly going cross-eyed from the countless hours you've spent going back and forth between your textbook, your laptop, and your notes.

Any word he'd say would be hypocritical. To try and convince you to take it easy and come back to bed would be hilariously insincere considering that the trenches look identical for the both of you. But now his head is clearer, and he's forced to watch your increasingly slouchy posture and hope your poor heart can stomach the insane amounts of caffeine you've ingested in such a short period of time.

Eventually, all the papers have been turned in and he's waiting anxiously for you outside of the lecture hall where your final final just took place, and you look alive for the first time in weeks, but you're still a bit sluggish. Ain't shit funny til those grades populate, so you find it within yourself to smile but there's still a fragile week ahead of you when you really could cry at any given moment if pushed hard enough.

This just won't do, though!!! collegeau!Jayce believes he has thoroughly failed as a boyfriend as he watches you, sprawled out on his bed, some show mindlessly droning on in the background, continuously refreshing your email and course page. So much so, that he plucks the phone right from his hands and throws it into one of his messy drawers. And you try to grab it, though not making it very far as his long strides catch up to you rather quickly and your being hoisted over his shoulders and thrown back onto his bed, exactly where you belong.

See, besides the obvious torture of watching you torture yourself; Jayce has not gotten off in weeks; he would feel guilty if he wasn't able to be there for you because he's too busy jerking off in the bathroom while you're hard at work. So, he was being the good boyfriend, the one who's pleasure is completely derived from your own and he can't even try to make himself feel good if you aren't. But now, the hard times have passed, and he cannot fathom holding off any longer than he already has.

"Jayce-" And thank fuck you decided to wear a skirt today because if he had to fiddle with jeans, he would've lost his damn mind. "Jay, get off." He looks up at you with the biggest, brownest puppy dog eyes you ever did see, hands held where you could see them. "You really want me to stop?" No, of course you don't. "I wanna see if my grades been posted." He rolls his eyes so deeply you'd think he was searching the very wrinkles of his brain for a fuck to give.

His large hands move over your thighs, hypnotizingly playing with the hem of your skirt, the crotch of your terribly thin panties, rubbing his thumb what he's really been craving for the worst part of these past two weeks. "I really don't care." If he weren't so impatient, he would've been smoother. Maybe kissed you until your head got all fuzzy, gave more attention to your tits, maybe he would've bothered to actually remove any of your clothing.

collegeau!Jayce who is just so messy and couldn't be paid to give a shit as he's eating you out through your panties. It catches you by surprise, the voracious way he plunges in, nose knocking at your clothed entrance as he licks and sucks at the growing wet spot forming. You grab at his hair, which only grows his already painfully hard erection. "Ngh.", is all that comes from his mouth. It was initially meant to be some sort of plea, pull it harder, please, but for his request to be heard, he would've had to pull away. He would rather die than do that before you gushed over his tongue.

He's making out with it, aggressive with the way he pushes himself further and further into you and his canines nick at the fabric until it inevitably tears right through. Both of your moan's echo around his walls along with the squeaking of the bed with the sheer force that he ruts his hips into it. "Sometimes, I really think you hate me." The accusation vibrates straight through your pussy, making your body shake before the words even hit your ears. "No -ah, fuck, I don't." He nods into you. "Only explanation for denying me heaven."

collegeau!Jayce who is a munch before all else, his fingers leaving prints on your thighs that are already wrapped tightly around his head, his other hand pressing down on your waist. You had this annoying habit of squirming away from him, cries about it being too much falling on deaf ears. He is a firm believer there is no such thing as too much of a good thing, only people who don't believe they deserve the abundance of good coming to them.

Jayce is that abundance, sucking on your clit until it becomes too much and you shake in his strong hands, your hips fighting against his calm hands that try to rub soothing circles into your skin. "Quit running from it, baby. Jus' want you to feel better. Don't you wanna feel good? Hm?"And the tears eventually start flowing. Your just overwhelmed, you haven't had your brain properly shut off in months. "Jay, too much." But he's not done yet, instead, he tries to indicate through touch what he would whisper in your ear. You can take it. You deserve a little treat, a nice reward. His pretty girl just needs to be loosened up, just needs to think a little less, and as the best boyfriend in the world, he's going to make that happen.

[itspheenixbaby]

elephant in the room 🐘

rant about the state of online shifting; "get-it-off my chest" moment

part 1. scripting trauma/ being a bad person in a dr how many people are really doing "bad things" or scripting in trauma in their dr? lets be so fucking for real here. why is it that everytime someone "morally corrupt" it gets exposed months apart and the "culprit" is some small ass account with like ten followers? its not common. and im not saying it never happens. but shiftok is always on about these people and im like...who tf are yall talking about? they find one bad apple and then decide the whole community needs to be reminded how fucked up it is to do xyz.

i mean lets be realistic, how many people are going out of their way to script something traumatic or harmful? the majority of the online community (reddit, tumblr, tiktok) always talks about shifting for their s/o, adventure, frienships, family or a better life in some way. how many people are deliberately scripting to harm themselves or others? and is the number really so much that we need thinkpiece after thinkpiece about it?

aand when others behave immorally or get traumatized in their dr they will experience it. they will see the effects of any bad things they do to others. they will feel the trauma first hand and suffer from what theyve scripted in many ways. we dont need to punish these people. their dr will do it for them.

P. S what about when you shift to a dr like the walking dead? or even mha and keep in the war arc? thats traumatic. hell, even an idol / fame dr can be traumatic and those are hella common! yet nobody bats an eye or reprimands it...odd...

part 2. racebending race doesnt exist. i saw a shiftoker (a white one too??) act like someone was crazy for saying it! the whole concept was created by europeans! white mans burden, race based social classes, and eugenics all seems natural to yall? i mean logically its not odd to anyone that modern racial concepts were made by the same group of people in the same time period...? the time period people needed excuses to kill, rape, steal from and enslave other groups... search up "who created race" and then report back to me..anyways..

name one good thing that splitting people up and assigning them identities based on their background does for us? its caused mocking of those that dont fit the mold their race gives them, harmful views of other because of their racial group(s) and low self esteem from outside perceptions of your race. oh and division among groups on top of everything. so what is the point of holding on to race? abandon it! shift to be white, asian, black, indigenous, do what you want! youre not "changing your race" until you shift to become a different species (and theyres obvi nothing wrong w that!).

and some people say "if you script your another race your downplaying the racism poc face" but not every country has the same type of racism the states has. not every country is even as racist as the states. for example if im shifting to be fully south korean born & raised, and live full time in south korea, its not likely ill experience racism. and even so you can just...script out racism? like what...some people literally hate shifters who dont script out racism and expect everyone to script it out, but then turn to say that they cant change their race because of racism...huh? genuinely dont get that.

P. S im only really preaching abandonment of race so flippantly in regard to shifting. in this reality we're kinda stuck with it at this point lol.

P.S.S and it seems shifters from the usa hate racebending the most! as an american, i wonder how much of that is being intimidated that the concept of a racial hierarchy, that our nation has been built upon for centuries, can be shattered so easily...and therefore obviously proves it as obsolete. food for thought. (half joking here teehee)

[robo-writing]

we’re being horny on main ?? BEAUTIFUL. LETS GO GIRLS (gender neutral)

imagine period sex with Logan, y’all start making out and reader stops him before it goes too far to let him know that it’s shark week. He asks:

“You sayin’ that because you think I’ll find it gross, or because you feel gross and don’t want to fuck right now.”

because sadly men tend to find period sex disgusting and maybe it makes reader feel gross in return. Logan assures them that he’s seen plenty of blood in his lifetime and had plenty on his hands as well, he literally doesnt give a fuck about period blood. he just wants to make his pretty baby feel good, and orgasms help ease cramps too.

….this totally didn’t spawn from Logan laughing and grinning when Wade’s blood splashed in his mouth or anything 👉👈

Between his wandering hands and worshipping touch, there's a growing worry eating at you alive, one that he's able to sense far too well. Almost as soon as it begins, you stop, and it takes one worried look at you before Logan's grilling you for answers.

Something's different this time—you're hiding something. And he's not going to continue until you tell him. "What's on your mind doll?" He says. "Nothing," you lie. "Just don't feel up for it is all." "Okay, there's nothing wrong with that," his hands smooth over your ruffled shirt, his attempt at making you feel a bit more comfortable. "But that's not what I asked." It's times like this where you hate how perceptive he is, how he's so quick to know your tells. He stares you down until you finally relent with a sigh, looking away from him. "I'm on my period." "So?" A pause. "Logan, I'm on my period." "Yeah, you said that already." He answers annoyed. "Your point being?" "Logan, I get that you're a gentleman and I love you for it, but it's okay if you don't want to continue—" "Okay, wait, lemme get this straight," He interrupts you with a shake of his head. "You don't wanna keep going because you're on your period and you think I care?" There's a palpable silence between the both of you, laced with confusion. "Well, don't you?" You don't know how you expected him to react, but laughing wasn't on your list. A real, chest-bursting laugh reaching your ears, immediately followed by his arms around your torso. "Doll, I couldn't give two shits about what time of the month it is, the last thing I'm afraid of is a little blood." His voice is like honey in your ear, a reassurance that sets your mind at ease and causes your body to relax in his hold. You can tell he meant every word, and if you needed any further evidence, you can feel exhibit B currently prodding against your thigh. "Now, since we've cleared that up—lie back and lemme handle the rest."

[twinkling-moonlillie]

Headcannons for Hawks fluffy but little be suggestive if possibly alright.

~🩷

A/n: Yes yes yes yes, I love this. This isn't super long but I hope you enjoy. Nothing makes me happier than receiving requests!! This was a much needed distraction. I have another request I am almost done with too, so expect that Friday.

Hawks Headcanons Part 2: Fried Chicken Boogaloo

Warnings: Suggestive

Keigo wasn’t a jealous or possessive guy, but he loves being able to mark up your neck with lovebites. Not only was it enjoyable to see you writhe when he had his lips on your neck, but he felt proud knowing that people were aware that you’re his.

Keigo is very perceptive of everything going on around him, which works to his advantage when gift giving is one of his top love languages. He is able to notice the way your eyes linger on a certain necklace or outfit and loves to surprise you with those items later on. He is so keenly aware that he notices when something is bothering you. 

And although sometimes he isn’t able to thoroughly articulate the comfort he desperately wants to give, he DOES conveys it through his actions. 

Hugs are 10x better with his wings; it’s like a second pair of arms keeping you warm. 

One of the things he delights in the most is when you share parts of your normalcy with him. Sharing stories about your day while nuzzled up on the couch, or agonizing over an essay due at midnight, or even going to the grocery store. He adores it all because they are the things he lacked as a child, the things he currently lacks as a hero. Keigo doesn’t care if it’s mundane. 

Keigo has a habit of singing or humming when cooking or doing chores. 

PET NAMES! Oh my god does this man love pet names.  He is particularly fond of calling you his little songbird or lovelark. But he does use regular pet names as well, such as darling and baby. 

He is absolutely smitten over the intimacy of skin-on-skin contact, whether that be through sex or something else. When you two sleep together, he sheds all of his clothes hastily - or if it’s right after sex he makes no move to retrieve his clothes. He is also fairly certain he can keep you warmer than any pesky clothing item you may have. 

This man, this fucking BIRD, loves kissing you. Anywhere will do, just as long as it is somewhere. Sweet little kisses on the forehead after a bad day, steamy kisses as he pins you against the wall, loving kisses when you have to part for a significant period of time (anytime away from you is a significant amount), morning kisses painted with streaks of gold, night kisses memorizing curves of your body, ALL OF THEM. HE NEEDS THEM ALL. 

[hoshigray]

My Professor's Final Spring Praise ༄ K. Nanami

"Before my summer break officially started, I had to finish my last in-person exam with Professor Nanami. It was so tough, but I made it through! I was the last to leave, so I thanked the professor and shared some final words before heading to my dorm to finish packing up. However, how do a few gratitude and praise exchanges end up with me on his desk and him between my legs?"

A/n: Yessirrrrrr!! First work of my very first series!! I'm very nervous about this as this is the first time committing to writing consecutively for a specific theme, but I got faith in myself!! Also, it's Nanami and my birthday!!!ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ • *✰ So as soon as this is posted, I'm signing off and enjoying my day with my hubby Kento~ (sike I'm not, just gonna hang with friends, lol). But anyways, I hope y'all enjoy this piece, and thank you so very much for 1k followers~~~!!! Not my best work, but it's a decent start for the series! >:D (will proofread l8r tmrw)

Series m. list!! This entry has been updated along w/ its contents.

Cw: professor! Nanami x fem! reader - explicit content so minors DNI - taboo (consensual sex b/w a professor & undergrad) - age difference (the reader is at least in their 20s; Nanami approaching early 30s) - fingering (fem! receiving) - cunnilingus - semi-missionary position (reader lies on their back on a table while Nanami stands) - public sex/sex in a university classroom - unprotected sex (PSA: wrap it up, or get the fuck up) - pining if you squint - praise - pet names (baby, darling, love, sweet pea) - clitoral play (licking and sucking) - kissing/makeout sessions.

Wc: 3.4k

Dear Diary...it's been a long while since I had to come to you as an outlet for my thoughts. But something happened today that caused my mind to go rampant, and I need to rely on you again...

Today is supposed to be the best day of the year. You just finished taking your last in-person exam, you were able to finish packing up all your stuff, and you're now ready to kiss this campus goodbye until the upcoming fall season.

You could not wait to start your summer plans. Not only will you work in the internship you've been hoping to get into since last semester, but you'll finally have ample time to hang with your best friends ever — Yuuji, Megumi, and Nobara!

The summer break has been the end goal for the four of you, and now that your finals are finally over, there's no stopping you from enjoying the season to the best you can!

However, as much as you say you're excited, it doesn't correlate to your actual feelings at this point in time. Something happened that altered your entire perception of what the future was supposed to be.

Something so out of the ordinary that you don't know how to properly feel or think about the situation.

Something so out of the ordinary that you turn to a diary to let your thoughts out, alone in your shared dorm room when all the other roommates have left earlier in the week.

Something so completely out of the ordinary that it sends chills down your spine just reminiscing the moment before sitting at this exact desk writing about what transpired earlier.

It all started when I went to my last in-person exam with Yuuji, where everyone else was waiting for the professor...

You and Yuuji had the same Biology class to take care of one of your science credits, and the exam was to take place on the last day of finals week. Although you've been told it's not supposed to be a difficult test — it's a bunch of multiple questions, short answers, and one essay — the exam period starts from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Three hours of endless testing was enough to put you, Yuuji, and all the other classmates in shambles, embracing guaranteed failures and having no idea how to study.

Luckily, a true saint descended from above to bless you and your peers with a professor who knows what he's doing and is patient enough to lead you to the right path. Your professor, Kento Nanami, was relatively young enough to connect with his fellow students but held a well-mannered and stern cadence that gained the respect and admiration of those around him. He was able to steer you guys into a secure approach to your studying: taking in questions, making study guides for quizzes and midterms, and highlighting significant areas from the textbook throughout the semester that will be shown on today's exam.

So through all the diligent preparation and practical labs you've attended, you feel way more confident with the material than at the start of the semester. Can't say the same for Yuuji, who's more nervous than you (with his three unexcused absences and constantly coming to you for help). But as long as y'all are suffering together, that's all that matters.

The only problem is that the exam is sectioned into three parts — sixty multiple-choice questions that are one point each, ten short answer questions that are also one point each, one mix-and-match portion, and the essay is ten whole points by itself (twenty if you can answer five bonus questions afterward). So, off the bat, everyone understands why three hours are given to complete the exam. But Professor Nanami said, "You all should be fine because it doesn't necessarily have to take you all three hours to complete. So if you finish early, you can get outta here." Say less.

So once you entered the usual classroom with Yuuji, you followed through and sat distant from each other at the same table. The professor came on time as always, instructing the class on where to get the exam on the class website, giving the password to unlock it, and wishing you luck.

The only sounds in the space were people clicking their keyboards, sighs, and groans, and people packing up to leave after submitting their exams before thanking their professor for a great semester. Soon the number of students would thin out, leaving just you and Yuuji still completing your exam.

Yuuji finished at the two-hour mark, releasing an extended sigh of relief before hurriedly stuffing his laptop in his backpack. He goes down to thank and bear hug the professor. And you giggle at the expression of Nanami's dismay because he would've sufficed with a simple handshake like the other students. But that's what makes Yuuji an anomaly to the mass, being exceptionally himself no matter where or who he's with. The salmon-haired boy walks up and wishes you luck, going to his dorm to pack the last of his things and promising to pick you up when you're done.

And then it was just you and him: the professor standing at the podium in front of the classroom, reading a book while you finish the last bonus questions before submitting it on the class site. You sigh heavily, and a massive wave of relief washes over you. You did it. You handled all your exams. You're finally free!

"Finished?" You look for where the voice comes from. The professor looks up from his book at your figure.

You place your laptop in your bag and stand up from your seat. It took you twenty more minutes just to finish compared to Yuuji. "Yup! It wasn't so bad like you said, but I had more trouble with the bonus questions than everything else." You stretch your arms and legs.

Nanami chuckles at your feedback. "I see. I did say the bonus questions would be more lab-based. Good thing those who couldn't make it to some of the labs got to see me so I could help them or assign them with the other students who missed."

"You mean like Yuuji?" You walk up to the podium to be in front of your professor. "Because the poor guy couldn't make it to some of the labs because of club activities."

"Yes, Itadori is one of those students." Nanami smiles at the mention of the salmon-haired other. "He's undoubtedly a hard-working student, asking questions and enjoying the lectures. But that's for when he is in the class."

You chuckle as the subtle shade at your friend. "He does try, though! All the times we've studied together since this exam shows that he wanted to put his whole heart into this class. Not to mention that you're secretly his favorite teacher~." You mention the last part hoping it sparks something in the professor, and you're glad to see that the older man releases a wee chortle at the tiny piece of information.

"Hmm, well, I appreciate his enthusiasm and that he was deeply interested in the class. However," your professor closes his book and walks to the side of the podium, erasing an imaginary barrier between the two of you. "You also play a huge part in his engagement. He's lucky to have a friend like you."

Your brows trench, but a smile creeps past your conscious. "What makes you say that?"

"You've been a particular student in my class. Not only are you an easy grader, but you capture the material so well that Itadori trusts you enough to help him when I'm not available to do so. Anytime you ask me a question, it's always outside the textbook or linked to something you looked into outside the lectures."

The smile on your face grows large, and you look away to shield it from his vision. "Thank you, Professor Nanami."

"I won't be surprised if I check the grades later and see that you got an excellent grade." He removes his glasses and places them on the podium with his book. "I'd also suggest you consider minoring in this field if you'd like. And did you sign up for that scholarship I mentioned to you around two weeks ago?"

"Yes, I filled it out last week."

"Good." He moves a hand to place on your shoulder, and the action takes you aback because it's the first time he's ever touched you. "I expect great things from you, Y/n. I'm sure whatever you want to do in this life, you'll do just fine."

You bashfully nod at his kind words. And you extend your hand up to him to signify a ready handshake. "Thank you, professor. And thank you so much for all your help this semester."

The hand that was on your shoulder grabs hold of your hand. But what happens next was far from what you expected.

Nanami lifts your hand with his and faintly sets his lips on the back of your knuckles.

And this is the provenance of what sets everything in motion.

What he did to your hand didn't just surprise you, but also surprised him. Nanami froze with your hand still in his, not daring to move as you have yet moved an inch.

Why did I do that? It's the biggest question that runs through his mind at this time. One moment he was praising you for being one of his best students, then he busses his lips onto your hand the next. But why?

Nanami knew he was done for. Unable to look into your eyes, he can only tighten his hold on your hand. This was so not part of his routine. Today was supposed to be like any other exam day. He only came here to see his students for one last time before the start of summer break. He only came here to see his final class and have them take the exam before heading home. So why?

Perhaps it was the feelings of spring blinding him like a child. Or maybe his emotions got the better of him. But today was the last day of the semester he'd see his favorite pupil — you. Until now, the professor has done a phenomenal job maintaining an appropriate relationship between teacher and student, keeping a respectable distance while tending to his scholars.

And yet, he still would catch himself sneaking a selfish glance at you following through with his lectures, his heart swooning when you use your lovely voice to ask a question, or going blind when you flash a smile that rivals the sun's beam.

It's never right to have favorites; however, you clearly were the one that caught his attention the most.

Yet, also, this type of relationship is not the best for Nanami or you. You are a student, and he is your teacher. This could damage the reputation of both of you. It's the least favorable outcome between the two of you...

...So why haven't you snatched your hand away from mine yet?

Your hands tighten back with his, and the man finally chooses to look at you.

You're eyes bore into him, looking at him as if he's the only thing meant to have your concentration. Your breathing descends to a slower pace, but the rhythm of your heart beats the more you look at the man before you. "Professor Nanami..." you said his name in a whisper, and God, did it feel so wrong to do such a thing. As if your mouth would be thrown into a pit of flames for even calling to him with an indescribable connotation. Your mind is now fueled with a deep emotion rooted within, rooted with a scary longing.

"Y/n..." It felt even more wrong to have your name hushed in his voice, so hot to the ears that they could melt any second. Even so, a part of you wishes he would repeat it in the same tone again. Expressing the exact feeling of wanting something, wanting you.

Observant brown eyes lock in with your eyes. Faces move forward with hesitance. Eyes close. Noses begin to brush their skins against each other. And pairs of lips seal an unfortunate yet desirable event that cannot be revoked.

It takes a few minutes for you two to melt into each other from the makeout session. It takes a few minutes to block the glass windows with portable whiteboards to block the view from the outside. And it takes a few minutes for you to be a disheveled mess with your back on a table with Nanami between your legs, fingering your throbbing vulva and licking your slick and sensitive clitoris.

"Hoooh...Mmmm, Professor Nanami, your tongue. I-It feels too good—Nnnmph!!"

Nanami flicks his tongue on your sensitive, the cause for you to cry out. "Y/n, I told you. It's just the two of us, so call me by my name."

No, you mustn't. That's taking things too far. But, "K-Kentooo," that name is too tempting to not have seeped through your moans. "Your tongue and fingersss, they're too much!"

His middle and forefinger pull and push inside your gushy walls, prompting more of your sweet cries to fill the blonde man's eardrums. "Is that so? Too much for you? Think you're gonna cum?"

You nod desperately with each question, your cunt clenching around his digits as if you were to snatch them off. But that would be impossible when he's playing with your pussy like a toy. Sweat starts to form on your forehead, your orgasm inching in closer and closer by the second.

And Nanami notices, resulting in him coming to your aid for release. His tongue goes back to lapping around clit, kissing and sucking on the bud while the tempo of his fingers increases.

Your climax hits you hard, having your body twitch and quiver as the inner walls of your slit contract around the digits scraping your velvety texture. You grab tufts of his blond hair, messing up its neat shape. But neither of you cares, too engulfed with each other to worry about the details. Tears form at the end of your eyes as you experience your high, and you try to steady your breathing when your professor withdrawals himself from you.

"Good job, sweet pea. Made a mess on my fingers." He praises you while undoing his tie and unbuttoning his dress shirt, revealing his well-defined torso for your eyes to see. But the real prize is when he unzips his pants and pulls down his briefs, his erect cock out in the open for you to marvel at.

But before you could look at it with all its glory, the tip of his dick presses up against your cunt, sliding it up and down to warm you up before entry. The feeling of his shaft grinding on your folds and clit is enough to have chills travel down your spine.

"Alright, love, I'm gonna go slow for you, okay?" His chocolate brown eyes examine your face to give him a response. You nibble on your lip and brace yourself after confirming your cooperation. "If you want me to stop, let me know. So, take some breaths for me."

And with that, the blonde pushes his cock into you with every exhale you take, the twinge of pain making it difficult to focus. Yet you still pull through because you want this so fucking much. There's no turning back now. And when the tip of his cock finally nestles inside your vagina, a choked shriek departs from your lips.

Slowly, Nanami pushes himself into you, every inch of his cock venturing further into your welcoming, throbbing chasm. He brushes up against your sweet spots causing you to jerk up. Nanami coaxes you through it. "It's okay, darling. You're taking me so well."

Tears come streaming down when the base of his cock kisses your folds, your union now solidified. The blonde gives you a moment to get acclimated with his girth inside before he gradually instructs a patient pace of the hips.

"Mmmm, Kento. 'S so good..." You mewl into the air, your face feeling hot and sweaty. The slow rhythm of his ruts is tantalizing, but it feels so good having his length scrape your insides. "Pleaseee, go fasteeer—"

"Want it faster? Nnmmm, damn, I'll go faster, baby." When the moment is right, his thrusts quicken the cadence, provoking more blissful whimpers to fill the silent room.

Your hands find purchase on his back, your legs wrapping around his waist to cage him close to you. And Nanami takes the notion as a signal for him to dial up the speed, thrusting so deep into your pussy with an erratic tempo. Pelvis smacking hard on your slit and tender clit that it has you seeing stars.

"Hmmm, Ahh—Ahhhh! Ohhhh, fucking shit!" The harsh ruts to your lower half keep your ground to the table beneath you, sweat sticking your clothes to your back. The sounds of skin slapping each other are on par with your pornographic noises, having you feel indecent and shameful. But it's too late now.

"Hmmph! Oh, fuck," husky groans exit from Nanami, the man putting his forehead on yours. "You feel so good and tight around me, love. So close to—Ahhhh!! Shit, so close to cumming.."

You swallow the spit that secretes your mouth. "Haaaah, Kentoooo—" your eyes are shut to wholly focus on the commotion beneath you. Your sexes smacking each other, forcing you to clench around him with every thrust of the hips. "I'm about to—Nnnaaahh!! Oh, Jesus, I'm gonna cummm!"

He kisses your forehead. "You want to cum, sweet pea?"

"Yesssss, please, please, pleaseee!!" Begging for your release is all you can do as your mind turns into mush, the familiar sensation crawling back to haunt you.

He hushes your cries with his lips on yours, the final kiss filled with scorching passion while Nanami pistons a few thrusts plunging to your vulva.

Your orgasm washes over you again, and you moan blissfully into the blonde's mouth. Your gushy walls flutter around his member for the last time, coating it with your essence. And Nanami had to be quick not to sink too deep into the feeling, or else he'd spill his release into you. He removed himself from your lips and body, ejaculating his load onto your bare stomach, and you gasped at the contact of his fluids spilling on your exposed skin.

You look up to survey the man before you, and you're met with an image you never thought you'd see. Blonde hair that was once slicked neatly now had messy strands that framed his face beautifully. Sweat covered his sculpted physique, and hooded brown eyes examined your body under him.

Letting the silence calm the both of you down from your aftershocks, Nanami glances at your face and smiles. He brings a hand to cup your cheek, brushing off tears that painted your face.

"Glad to have you this semester. Have a good summer, darling."

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊✩₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

BAM! BAM!! BAM!!!

An abrupt sound has you stop writing on the entry, bringing you back to the present time.

It sounded like it came from the front door, so you stuff your diary into your bag and exit the room to find out who's causing all the ruckus. When you open the door, the first thing that enters your line of vision is pink hair.

Your friend, Yuuji Itadori.

"Yo!" He greets you. "Ready to go? I called up your phone like four times."

"Oh, you did? Sorry, I must've forgotten to put it back on vibrate after the exam." You move out of the way for Yuuji to enter your dorm, closing the door behind him. "My stuff is in my room. I got two suitcases, a duffel bag, and my backpack."

"Alright then, let's hurry and get out of here! Think we can take the freeway since it's late at night, and traffic should be gone by now."

Yuuji grabs your two suitcases and heads outside to put them inside the trunk of his car. You walk around to check and see if anything is missing or misplaced before heading to your room and grabbing the other bags.

Yet before you leave the space entirely, you grab your diary again and write your final thoughts.

...I don't know what possessed me to let what happened happen. But, at the same time, I don't hate it for happening? I don't know...it was probably the feelings of spring taking over me or the relief that I finished all my exams.

But one thing is for sure; if I wasn't the last person to leave that classroom, none of that would've happened. I wouldn't have experienced that new side of Professor Nanami.

And as long as this keeps between me and him, then I'm kinda glad that it happened.

[atrophiedemotion]

ivantill cafeteria scene analysis

keep in mind that this is fully just my personal opinion and interpretation of the scene okay cool

the cafeteria scene from round 6 has always been really interesting to me, and i've seen a lot of people take it different ways, so i just wanted to walk through my view of it because it's such a telling scene about their dynamic more recently than as kids

the scene starts with a shot of till during the round that looks to be from ivan's pov, showing us what he's seeing in the moment, and flashes back to one of ivan's memories from anakt.

considering the almost identical expressions till is wearing in both shots, it seems to be ivan thinking back to a time he saw till look the way he does in round 6- miserable, hopeless, defeated. like he's given up.

we then see ivan noticing till's apparent resignation and shitty mood (because of course he notices, it's his personal watching till time after all), then getting up to go bother him. i say 'bother him', and it definitely looks like that's what he's doing, but i don't think that's ivan's goal. i think ivan's goal is to comfort, or at least distract till.

despite their juvenile fights, we've never seen ivan actually want to cause till true harm. his lyrics in both black sorrow and cure are caring and reverent, making it apparent that ivan really does just love and care for him and just wants to be able to do things for till. this is furthered ofc by the whole post-club scene where ivan looks absolutely devastated seeing the state till is in.

i always reference back to my mirroring post bc it explains the way i imagine ivan's train of thought, and it applies here again. ivan does not know how to comfort till in a conventional way (probably for a few reasons; till is different from the other students, both in the way he acts and displays his emotions, and in ivan's opinion of him. till is special to ivan, he usually drops his mask around him so meaningless platitudes wouldn't be right) but he does know how to get till's attention on him and out of his own head.

all this being said- what ivan does next:

he swipes his hand across the cut on till's cheek. yeah, i know, definitely not what most people would consider 'comforting their friend' but that's what makes sense to ivan. 'how could i possibly distract him if he seems to ignore me most of the time?' (for now looking past the fact that till actually seems comfortable in ivan's quiet company, ivan's too single-focused to realize that)

and, well, i mean. he's right. till gets visibly disgruntled. he doesn't exactly look pissed as much as he looks caught the hell off guard, but it grabs his attention.

ivan, on the other hand, looks almost fond to me. i don't know, i just don't really think he looks smug even though i'm assuming that might be the general consensus. he almost seems a bit soft. to me, it looks like he's adoringly thinking, 'it worked. there, no time to be sad anymore, huh?' he probably is proud of himself for it, but not really in a selfish way.

till, of course, sees that it's ivan who's messing with him, and turns away.

i've also talked about this but at this age it really does seem like till's mindset when it comes to ivan is something along the lines of, 'oh, it's just ivan. he's fucking weird, that's just how he is' and more or less shrugs it off. he's used to ivan's "quirks" it seems.

this, till looking at ivan only to immediately look away, won't do. he only caught his attention for a few seconds, so i assume ivan's next logical move is to do something that will get an even bigger reaction. (ivan is a logical thinker, after all, at least in my perception of him)

so he. ya know. does that. which really seems like a great way to get himself punched, right? which honestly is also probably his plan. have till explode in anger, forget whatever happened for him to be injured in the first place, and ivan gets his undivided attention for a period of time. a win-win.

and you might be saying "oh, but couldn't ivan have just been doing that selfishly? we know his main goal is to get till to look at him." to which i say, yeah fair. i don't think this was done completely selflessly (i don't think anything ivan does is fully selfless but that's perhaps for another day) at all, he could've gone at it a different unconventional way if it was. but i think he probably sees it as mutually beneficial.

yes, it does seem like a way to show ivan wanting to keep till's eyes and attention on him. an example of how he seeks out till's attention no matter what, but the preceding shot of a hopeless till reminds ivan of this particular interaction for a reason.

there had to have been a motive behind what he did and why he did it then, and what we have to go off of for that is the first three shots. till wearing the same misery on two different occasions and ivan noticing. with that information, it's really not a stretch that this could be ivan's fucked up version of comfort.

[strayflowersstarsandlove]

Kiki's delivery service (bangchan)

Rearranging your legs underneath you for the 5th time, you squish your cheek onto Chan's pectoral, breathing in the delicate scent of his laundry detergent and his cologne. Pain will make you miserable and achy but it won't ruin your Friday night with him. It's imperative.

Chan has usually so little time off you jumped at any occasion to spend a quiet night in forcing him to catch up on Studio Ghibili movies. He needed the culture and you needed the lazy late night cuddles on the couch. Period pain be damned.

"You've been quiet an awful lot tonight...", Chan mumbles softly, not fully averting his eyes from the screen as he leans in to kiss your temple, "is everything okay?", he asks, subtly referencing the fact that you and Jisung had basically ganged up on him and forced him to begin his journey through Miyazaki works of art. And also the fact that you'd usually ended up spoiling every single scene for him cause you needed to explain everything into the tiniest little details.

Also also referencing the fact that you tended to go silent whenever you were suffering. Whether it was mental pain or physical pain, you tried your best to power through it, grit your teeth and stubbornly keep going until you were on the brink of another mental breakdown.

He was always there to pick up your pieces and glue them back together. And you loved him for it, even though you felt bad for making him feel like you were another one of his responsibilities, someone he had to take care of, but you were so grateful for him as well and it wasn't like you could really help it, he had this deeply rooted nurturer in him that made him care for you so effortlessly whether you wanted him to or not.

Chan was also super attentive and perceptive. He picked up on every single one of your little details and quirks and peculiarities. Which meant that he definitely knew you weren't okay at the moment, he was just gently letting you know... without letting you know.

You sigh as another stab of pain hits your lower abdomen and it makes you squeeze your eyes shut and hiss in pain, what a perfect timing to just blatantly lie to your very smart very intuitive boyfriend: "yeah, yeah everything's fine. Just tired".

Chan ponders for a second before deciding to just take the matter into his own hands. By literally doing so. He pauses Kiki's Delivery Service just as Kiki's flying on her broom above the ocean with the seagulls and cradles you in his arms until you're sitting in between his thighs.

Which is very normal behavior for cuddle monster Channie.

Until he just stills for a second, hands hovering over your torso, legs pressed firmly against yours so you can't move. And then he attacks you with tickles.

The air in your lungs is sucked out so fast you're crying laughing one second and gasping and wheezing the next: "PLZEASE CH-CHANAHAHAHAHAH I'M HAHAHA I'M - I'M DYING".

And you're not even exaggerating. Your tummy was already aching and your muscles tense that the added strain and effort of catching your breath makes your stomach do somersaults in between the sharp daggers digging at your uterus.

You try to squirm and thrash out of his grasp to no avail, "hahaha tell me the truth and I'll spare you hahaha, that's your only way out", he laughs and squeaks and if it wasn't for the fact that you're currently focusing all your energies on not passing out from the pain and the laughter you would have already jumped at his neck and kissed him silly because of how cute he sounds: "FIN-AHAHA FINE YOU HAHAHA YOU-AH YOU WIN HAHAHA".

He immediately stops and settles you back down in your former spot, hugging your sides and patting your tummy until you calm down your breathing again. You inhale deeply, grimacing a little from the pain, your hand reflexively reaching for his own as you give it a little squeeze.

"I'm about to get my period. I've been silently crying and screaming at myself for the last couple of hours. And you're fucking perceptive and I can't hide anything from you", you pout, finally spitting out the truth, "okay... And you didn't tell me because?", he goads on, sighing you turn to face him, kind eyes and an encouraging smile on his lips as he holds you close, "because... I feel like you already have so many things to worry about, you're always taking care of me and the boys and working over time and stressing about everything, I don't want to add onto that".

The man with impossibly perfect features sighs right back at you, not in an annoyed manner, more a self assured one:"you're not adding onto anything, y/n. You're the only person I can actually fully relax and just be me, just be Chris with. No idol duties, no leader ones, no big brother or producer or captain of everything ones. I don't HAVE to take care of you, I WANT to. I want you to be happy and well looked after and in a way it's even selfish, cause if you're happy and thriving then I'm happy and thriving, it's like an osmosis thing", he giggles.

You turn in your seat and playfully roll your eyes at him as you cup his cheeks and peck his lips, "there's not an ounce of selfishness in your entire body, babe. And you have a pretty god damn gorgeous body, at that".

He giggles so loudly he starts squeaking again, triggering your cuteness aggression. You kiss him all over his face and nibble at his reddened ears, you only stop once he's gone completely silent laughing, breath hitching, the most perfect pearly whites on full show as he smiles brightly at you and pulls you flush to his chest, "my baby girl", he sighs, his voice barely above a whisper, "I promise you don't stress me out at all, and that I like taking care of you", he insists, leaning in to kiss you, "now, is your tummy hurting really bad? Is there anything I can do to help? Belly rubs? A heating pad? Painkillers? ".

You know you'll never win this battle. You know he'll never stop making you feel alllll the butterflies no matter what he says or does cause it's just second nature to him being this kind and wholesome. You shake your head lightly and stroke his cheek, "I'll be okay. You're my heating pad", you snicker, positioning yourself with your back fully resting against his chest, his arms coming around you in a swift move,warm hands flat on your tummy.

You reprise the movie and for a while everything seems to be going smoothly. The pangs in your guts are still very much present but your boyfriend gentle rubs on your stomach are surprisingly soothing.

Eyelids fluttering almost close, you feel yourself relaxing more and more, progressively loosing focus on Kiki, much to your dismay. Up until Chan's hand start shifting closer and closer to the waistband of your pants. He acts completely nonchalant about it, one palm still rubbing soft circles over your tummy and the other inching down... down.

A tingling sensation crawling all over you, a warm rush to your chest, you swallow down quietly, feeling the muscles in your neck tensing up by the second, perhaps in anticipation. The rooms quiet, or the sound of your fast heartbeat has just drowned out any other sound, you're not sure, but Chan's quiet. He's very quiet even as he stealthily slips one finger, and then two fingers down underneath your pants, he traces small stripes over the fabric of your underwear, slow at first, his wrist barely flicking.

Thin fingers but rough, finger pads, he starts running his fingertips in circle motion over the areas he deems more sensitive, letting the hitch in your breathing guide the intensity of his motion, the speed of it, the direction of it. As soon as he's satisfied with the way you're reacting to him, he picks up his pace just slightly, a low, satisfied chuckle finally emerging from his mouth when your thighs visibly start to twitch, a boost to his ego, means he's doing something right, very right.

It's as if all the blood in your body starts running faster and faster, rushing through your veins at incredible speed only to then concentrate all at once, all of it at your centre, and with the friction generated there, you can't help but whimper, your abs contracting and relaxing almost spasmodically, the daggers of pain alternating with pleasure that comes in a wave that builds up and up and up.

A trickle of sweat down your spine, you clutch Chan's unoccupied wrist and squeeze, jolting upwards in an arch as you feel yourself approaching your high more and more, "i-I-", words come out of your mouth in whimpers, you try to articulate a single thought but manage nothing even remotely intelligible, Chan's hums softly and kisses your cheek, his lips lingering on your dewy skin, "yes, baby girl? don't hold back, don't hold back and come for me", he taunts in a sing songy voice, cooing and breathing softly in your ear.

And that's enough to send you over the edge.

Choking on the strangled noise bursting out of you, release washes over you. No more pain twisting your guts, just pure bliss.

You close your eyes and relax back into the arms that hold you, breathing hard and laboriously while Chan taps his fingers around the wetness, a satisfied snicker rolling off his lips, the very same lips now kissing your shoulder and the side of your neck so tenderly, "good girl, such a good girl for me eh? you're feeling all better?", he asks sweetly, moving a wisp of your hair away from your face with his unused hand, to which you nod and smile bashfully, still feeling oh so wonderfully numb and light and darn good.

The movie paused, yourself and the couch all cleaned up, you settle back on the leathery seat cushion and finish up the last few drops of your glass of water while Chan himself is cleaning up in the washroom, a stupid smile on your face that you just can't wipe off, you adjust in your seat and cross your arms over your tummy that gargles with unholy sounds of hunger and unrest, perhaps.

And then gushing. Warmth. Not the feel good kind, though.

You jump on your feet and immediately spot the enlarging smear of blood on the couch, a frenzy on panic immediately taking over you just as your boyfriend walks right in: "oh my god I'm so sorry oh my god oh my god I'm.. I'm-mortified oh my god", you start rambling and shaking and hurriedly pat around your inner thighs, growing exponentially alarmed when your palms come back pinkish.

"Hey hey it's okay, y/n it's okay, I promise", Chan promptly scrambles to you and cups your cheeks, locking eyes with you and immediately reading the discomfort in them, "I think you left some tampons in the third drawer of my nightstand, go check, and grab any of my clothes to change into,you'll be okay, it's okay, don't worry about a thing", he reassures, patting your head, that wonderful encouraging smile of his taking up his whole face.

"B-but your couch and-oh my god this is so embarrassing this is awfu-", you start but Chan merely giggles and gently shakes your shoulders, "BABE!!", he exclaims firmly, making you snap out of your panic and fall silent, "stop apologising, start washing up, this is absolutely fine, the couch is going to be just fine. Go, I got this", he instructs in a gentler tone, even winking at you reassuringly.

And you swear that's all you needed. That fragment of complicity, reassuring gesture that instantly calms you down.

The fabric of his shorts goes swish swosh around your knees but it's so soft from wear and tear that you kind of love it, you think to yourself, jogging downstairs and into the kitchen where you find Chan steeping some deliciously smelling tea.

"There she is, did you find your stuff? Are the pants okay?", he asks as soon as you step into his arms once again, the hugging machine within him just acting out of instinct: "yeah, yeah everything's fine. Thank you, and I apologise again, I hope the couch isn't stained forever", you reply meekly, looking down at your feet, "the stain came right out with a single swipe, and even if it didn't I'd be more worried over you not feeling this awful over something you cannot even control".

Butterflies. In your belly and in your heart. Yeah they're never ever leaving.

You look up into the kindest gaze and smile, bewildered at your immense luck in having Chan as your partner, "how are you so perfect Chris? Like seriously, you're the perfect mix of loving and kind and funny as hell and empathetic and hot and smart and mature and absolute fucking perfection how do you even exist?", you exclaim dramatically, eyes wide and heart shaped over this very man holding you into his arms, who now giggles loudly and leans in to peck your lips," I don't think I'm the perfect boyfriend yet, but I'm working on it. You make it really easy though, you make it a happy process too", he gushes, kissing your lips first and then the tip of your nose.

"Shall we go back to Kiki and her deliveries now? I made us some tea so it'll keep the cramps at bay if they're still bothering you", he suggests then, lacing his arm around your waist so he can lead you into the living room.

You both settle in your former seat arrangement and you smirk to yourself despise the flush creeping up your cheeks just thinking about what happened there not half an hour ago, "oh those?", you reprise the argument about your cramps, "vanished. Disappeared. Non existent. Your little trick earlier... I think you worked some kind of magic on me I don't know", you declare, and Chan bursts into laughs, the tips of his ears going bright red, pride and flustered giddiness both coexisting in him at the moment, the epitome of a perfectly complex man.

[schizosupport]

kinda frustrated that the culture around delusions is that "you HAVE to break them and they're ALWAYS bad." Because of my personality, I "know", logically, that some of my beliefs are delusions, but I also still believe them. If I were to answer a question about them, I would say "Yes, this is a delusion", but I still act + think as if they weren't. And it is like. Physically painful to acknowledge that it's a delusion for any long periods of time, it feels like a game of tug of war in my brain and it gives me headaches. All that is to say, some of my delusions are harmless, if not helpful, and risking trying to break one entirely just to fit into societal norms of what I should be thinking is at best unnecessary and at worst dangerous.

I agree so much with you on this. I think anti psychotic sentiments mix with general ideas of conformity to create a situation in which even non-harmful and helpful delusions are seen as something bad.

Like I'm not saying people with kin types, or trans people, etc, are delusional, but it's interesting that the way a lot of people react towards these different self perceptions is to say shit like "don't encourage their delusions".. and what they mean is, don't let there be joy and identity in this, this difference in experience is pathological and therefore morally wrong??

Like there's a lot to unpack there..

And psychiatrists frequently will mirror sentiments about how all psychosis is always bad and to be eradicated, even if we must eradicate so much else in a person with increasingly harsher treatment options...

My own psych fucked me up back in the day because I accidentally mentioned my experiences with (helpful) plurality. They saw it as a symptom that I was getting worse. They changed my meds that were previously working well at the dose I was on. And they made me scared of what was once a helpful coping mechanism.

I really think that society needs to get over its fear of people with differences in experience, stat. And doubly so for psychotic people, as the defence for other groups is all too often "well we Are not delusional (implying "so it's okay that we have differences in experience, as opposed to if we really were psychotic, in which case it could not be allowed)"..

[idontmindifuforgetme]

how do you fall in love with yourself

unlearn the idea that confidence is conceit. i see this belief imposed on women especially, that if they’re very unapologetic about loving themselves it automatically means they’re narcissistic / think they’re better than everybody else. that’s not true at all. you can love yourself while also acknowledging you’re not inherently better than anyone else. you can love yourself while also being kind & supportive to others. it’s okay to be both of these things at once.

let go of the scarcity mindset. women (everyone really, but especially women) get pitted/compared against each other all the time. you see it w female celebrities in the media, but it’s very prevalent in real life as well. this is very much years of societal conditioning & both women & men partake in this behavior. ignore it. rest easy knowing that there can be multiple beautiful women, multiple smart women, multiple funny women in any environment at any given time. there is enough clout to go around; you don’t need to feel like if there’s another pretty/smart girl it means you no longer have the space to also be a pretty/smart girl. instead operate from an abundance mindset: always (alwaysss) be happy for other girls when they succeed, when they’re praised, when they’re loved, whatever. see them not as competition but as inspiration. envy is such a colossal waste of time bc nobody else’s accomplishments have any bearing on your own!!

get to know yourself more. i love the analogy of dating yourself bc it’s true. i went through a rough period of being around my ex 24/7 to the point i didn’t even know myself, and then i spent the post-breakup year hanging around everyone else constantly to numb my thoughts. now i’m spending more time alone than ever & i’m getting to know myself so much. learning about my taste in fashion, music, everything. and i’ve had so much more time to invest in hobbies & skills, which is very instrumental to building healthy self-esteem. ofc there’s a more balanced way to do this, but make sure you’re not running away from yourself!

what do you like outside of everybody’s opinion? don’t interpret this the wrong way—it’s completely fine to be inspired. every single person you know has copied someone else to an extent. but if you find yourself going too far, not trusting yourself to make the simplest decisions, just following trends blindly and nothing else, you’ve left the inspiration territory and started crossing into plagiarism. move from a place of self-direction and really think about what is naturally appealing to you. it doesn’t matter if it’s not popular or nobody else likes it. if you like it & if it makes you happy, that’s all you need.

practice self-love! i had to do this lol but it works wonders. i started intentionally telling myself that i trust my own taste, that i trust my own choices, that if i think something’s cool it’s good enough, talking to myself kindly etc etc. eventually all this stuff will become natural to you & you won’t find yourself having to expend so much energy into simply loving you for you. don’t give up even if it’s hard to believe at times.

don’t give a fuck. seriously. just don’t give a single flying fuck what someone else has to say. there will always be That One Person who tries to tear you down, belittles you, gaslights you etc etc and if you know in your heart you’re not doing anything wrong, just ignore and keep it pushing. you can’t be everyone’s favorite person (nor should you want to be). think of your favorite celebrity. anyone ever. they probably all got subjected to hate. now think of how they’re successful still & how it didn’t take anything away from them. there you go <3

if literally everyone on this planet starts hating you, loving yourself is still the antidote. to clarify, how others perceive us does hold weight. but if legit every single person i know started hating me, and i still loved myself, i’d probably still live a full life bc my perception is all that really matters in the end. i don’t need anyone else to be my #1 fan—i can do that myself just fine. it technically is actually your world & everyone else is just living in it. so enjoy that! stop giving a hard time to the one person who will always be w you through thick and thin (yourself). eat good food & watch good shows & read good books & just have fun. i love u

[vivgst]

She hates monotony and loves the new challenge she finds in you, so she won't rest until she gets her way, as always (Part two).

Part one: https://www.tumblr.com/vivgst/738748127248531456/she-hates-monotony-and-loves-the-new-challenge-she

There's gonna be a part three btw (maybe more).

The way you had played with her made her see red although that really hadn't been your intention, because you weren't even interested in her, which for some reason only made her angrier, and she inevitably wanted to make you feel more, it was unfair that you went on with your life as if nothing had happened while she was being consumed by the memories of that night.

So she would see you again, she sent her men to pick you up, calling you was out of question, she would not lose her pride, she would rather lose a hand.

You arrived, wearing a black lace dress, a little more revealing than your previous outfit but you still looked just as spectacular, her men were enthralled, almost drooling all over the place but none of them were stupid enough to even dare to give you a lustful look.

One of them showed you where to go and you followed his order, going up the stairs and walking down the hallway while you judged the mansion and the little you had seen of it. It was a big and incredible place, however you could tell from miles away that it was nothing more than a place of decoration, it lacked warmth.

You were brought out of your thoughts when you reached the door to the room and entered, looking around. She was sitting at a desk and her gaze drifted from her papers to you, she frowned.

“You look worse for wear.” She said with an accusatory tone, it sounded like she was questioning you; you gave her a blank look and shrugged.

“If I disgust you then I can leave and someone else from the club will come.” You said bluntly and she looked at her papers again and when she looked up you didn't like what her eyes had.

The tinge of compassion in her eyes was barely perceptible but you hated it, you weren't there to be comforted or seen with pity, you couldn't feel that way with any client, you couldn't feel. Period.

“I didn't say you disgusted me.” She said and stood up from her chair, approaching you slowly and looking at your face. You only had a small cut on your eyebrow, your neck was the most bruised, full of scratches and red. "¿Quién chingados te hizo esto?" She demanded in a stern tone, you looked into her eyes and debated whether to tell her or not, but she would know anyway.

"Un cliente. Estoy acostumbrada". You said and she looked at you as if you had two heads, she was angry, enraged and it was obvious.

“How the hell do you allow people to treat you like that, chula?” You wanted to speak, but she wouldn't let you. “Dime el nombre de ese hijo de su puta madre.”

"No".

“I'm not asking.” She warned, however you shook your head again, unfazed by her growing anger.

“I won't tell you, it's my problem. I don't want you to interfere in my business, you're still just a client." She scoffed, looking at you in disbelief at your audacity, who the fuck did you think you were to say no to her?

“Don't think that-” You didn't let her finish speaking, you didn't want this, you didn't want another jealous client, you didn't want any more drama.

You also didn't want to feel vulnerable in her gaze or comforted by her anger at what he had done to you.

“I came to have sex, to be used, not to have this conversation.” You said coldly, she clenched her jaw, how could you even talk about yourself that way? She hated hearing you talk that way and act like that beating you got wasn't that big of a deal.

However, she was clearly overstepping your limits and she knew you would tell her to go to hell if you wanted to, you weren't afraid of her.

That was making her angrier, it was no longer fun.

“This time you're not going to do whatever the hell you want, we don't need to remember that I'm the one paying, right?”

If she couldn't get the information she wanted from your own mouth, then she would get on your nerves some other way.

She slid your dress off your body delicately, as if you were made of glass, her fingers brushing against your skin that was incredibly cold. Her hands were warm and ran over your body as if it was easy, as if they knew the route by heart, which again, made you feel vulnerable in her presence.

As your dress fell to the floor, she gently leaned you against the wall, her hands moving over your breasts, grazing the sensitive skin of them. Your gaze was on the floor, you were melting in her hands, but your pride wouldn't let you give in, it never did.

“We can skip the romance and-” Her hand wrapped around your mouth and she gave you a grin as she shook her head, she wasn’t going to let you ruin it, she was going to take what she wanted from you.

"I don't want to". She spoke in a hoarse voice, her hands moving down your entire torso until they got between your legs, torturing you, teasing you.

And suddenly she dropped to her knees, lifting your leg onto her shoulder before burying her face between your thighs. You stifled a gasp and pressed yourself further against the wall when you felt her tongue slide gently through your wet folds, your legs weakened with every movement she made on you and even though you bit your lip to not make any noise it was impossible for you not to grab a fistful of her hair, which made her smirk against your skin.

Nothing was on your mind anymore, you were focused on the feeling of heat that swirled in your belly and how she began to lightly suck on your swollen bud which, inevitably, made you moan.

Well, there was no point in playing hard to get when she was feeling how wet you were, right? So fuck it.

You relaxed noticeably, your body began to give in to the pleasure she was giving you and you wanted more, your hips rocked against her lips and you were loving the feeling of her tongue on your wet cunt.

But you needed more.

So you pulled her towards you, making her stand up to crash your lips against hers, kissing her with a hunger you didn't know you felt for her. Valeria immediately kissed you back, her hands wrapping around your waist to press her body against yours and guided you as best as she could to the bed, making you lie down. She quickly got rid of her clothes and you let her adjust you on the bed until one of your legs was over one of her legs and her other leg was over your opposite one.

Just the light brush of your flesh against hers made you hiss, she gave you a smug smile, she was loving how horny and needy you were.

Soon she began to move her hips softly, slowly, which left you even more breathless and you caught your lower lip between your teeth, you tried to move your hips in an attempt to keep up with the rhythm but she kept you in place.

“But you wanted to save yourself the romance, right?” She asked mockingly and you glared at her.

“Fuck you.” You breathed out and she let out a laugh that ended in a hoarse groan, this was just what Valeria had been imagining for days, having you underneath her writhing and moaning.

Valeria began to move faster, her hips rocking more erratically, less precisely, and you found yourself close to your climax, your thighs tightening as she kept pressing and grinding her lower lips into yours.

And she looked down at you, oh… the way she looked at you while letting out light gasps was enough to make you come, Valeria’s orgasm meeting yours at the sight of your body and you losing yourself.

The two of you stayed there, lying in bed, Valeria's arm casually around your waist and you were falling asleep when you felt her move, she was going to leave, you didn't know where or why but you didn't want her to and you clung to her.

You wanted to say, “stay with me, I don't want to be alone” but you had already given in too much and you felt ashamed. She got the message though and you felt her body relax once again causing you to fall into a deep sleep.

But morning came and with it the realization of what had happened. You had sex, not like the sex you’d have with a client, it was passionate you even came, you enjoyed it.

You wanted to hit yourself, what the hell was that? You couldn't collect your dignity because you had thrown it all away yesterday, what you did do was get out of bed as slowly as you could, you picked up your clothes and dressed stealthily.

You couldn't do this again, you couldn't see her again, so you left without waking her and vowing never to see her again.

[satoruhour]

THE JUST JANUS-FACED

a/n: please PLEASE read the warnings this is darker than what i usually write. this spiralled from me thinking about geto having a blood kink and then me being on my period and then me word vomiting into whatever this is / tagging only @getousex and @papersirens bc i feel like they will maybe like something like this? not sure if my other moots like dark content like this aahh

wc: 2.3k

warnings: DARK CONTENT, DUB-CON, descriptive piece, cult leader!geto, slight coercion, manipulation, stockholm syndrome, idolising, reader is mute for a bit, reader has a fucked up perception of love, christian religious references / parallels, corruption but reader is NOT a virgin, pet names, mentions of murder, clit stimulation, fingering, oral / cunnilingus, blood kink (?), power play, cum eating, size kink, period sex and oral, unprotected sex, creampie / breeding kink, multiple rounds, n*sfw under the cut

cult leader!geto who unfortunately has had to kill fellow sorcerers before just for opposing his cause, so he knows what sorcerers’ blood smell like. it doesn’t make sense anatomically: how there’s less of a copper smell, sweet and more tangy, not that he’s tasted it before. but the memory of satoru’s dried blood had been seared into his brain, a crystal clear vision of him carrying riko’s body; one of the drives that leads him to change the world of jujutsu.

so why can’t geto get his mind off you and your terrified state, bleeding from your torso after you’ve been ripped from your village? he acts like he hadn’t just ordered his followers to rip the place to shreds, to banish any and every trace of non-sorcerers. he crouches down to look at your pathetic state, swiping a thumb over your bleeding lip, putting it into his mouth.

that’s the first time he recoils at the taste of non-sorcerer blood — after all, it’s your beauty that entrances him.

geto’s not too sure why he kept you, either, locked up in shackles so tight they make dents on your wrists, wound left to be tended only bit by bit every time suguru finishes his sermon for the day and comes back to his office.

the second time is after a terribly stressful day. his contacts were falling behind on collecting money, there were followers stepping out of line, nanako and mimiko unfortunately bothering him at the wrong timings. he loved his girls, but sometimes he needed time alone.

what better way than to spend it with his pet?

the gag around your mouth is growing increasingly saggy, weighing down from the saliva and geto bestows some mercy on you, removing the cloth and throwing it somewhere in the room. at least your senses were still there, hearing the loud plop! of the fabric on tatami mats, but you could only whimper when geto asks you a question.

god, you looked so dumb and stupid, geto could’ve just killed you easily, but he still hasn’t found out why you’ve got him wrapped around your finger. he would send you to hell after that, but for now he’d keep you until he knows.

geto coos at the whimper.

“what is it, sweetheart? spit it out.”

your brows furrow as you uncover the hand cupping your core. it was fairly red, a strong iron smell filling the place. it wasn’t from your terribly treated wound, no — you were so concerned with this you hadn’t realised it’s fully healed, “magically” — but rather, coming from your vagina.

you were menstruating. geto sighs, flicking his sleeves before heading out, and you think that’s the end of it. he was going to leave you bleeding out on the floor while your womb contracted and expanded uncomfortably? your thoughts are quelled a minute later when he returns and tosses you a sanitary product.

“go.”

but before you can run to the bathroom in the big temple he seizes your hand, licking a stripe up your palm. there’s obvious shock on your face, from the clear line on your palm made by his tongue and the way your blood smears on his lips. geto hums, and lets you go.

it’s not too bad.

the third is when you’re sleeping soundly on the floor, still in shackles that are visibly loosened. this is the next month where blood is being shed again, made less harrowing by the products geto swears he hates getting you, “reluctantly” refilling for you after nanako asked him not to take from her stash.

by now, you’ve mellowed, but you still rather have a tough time talking and articulating speech. he knew — it wasn’t hidden that your village was built on strong men, which also led to lesser people being oppressed, silenced. only speak when you spoken to, only leave when given permission. you weren’t a stranger to the harsh slaps that landed on your face.

it was only lucky that geto had already got such an obedient little plaything. you knew your place, having learned your place before, and you think maybe he might be your saviour, because the way he spoke was nothing like the men in your village. it was done with a lilt of the voice, a lyrical, melodic quality to it. his touches are gentle but firm, never rough and abrupt.

geto-sama knew how to treat lesser people like you.

that’s why when you’re whimpering again, geto knows just the right thing to get you to shut up (although, your cute sounds are maybe just what he might be looking for. should he kill you after he gets his keep? should he slit your throat? should he—)

he brings you to your feet a little forcefully, dispelling a curse to unlock your shackles and he pushes you onto the bed. you’re the centre of attention, suddenly, not used to being in such a big space: laid out on the silk sheets of the tatami bed. you felt dirty, tainted. you didn’t deserve to be on white, didn’t deserve to have your feet planted onto ivory, to have been cleaned time and time again by his workers. you didn’t even feel like you deserved to be kept in such a sacred place as geto-sama’s temple.

and yet, when you watch your saviour’s approaching, looming form, you can’t help think of how he’s taken care of you. the love he showed you was the closest thing you’ve ever gotten, maybe a little morbid by normal standards, but who are you to question your saviour? paired with that melodic, smooth voice and the cast of his hair down his back, maybe you were even attracted to your saviour.

that was a possibility, right? you can’t tell right from wrong any more but it doesn’t matter when geto slams his lips onto yours, kissing him back clumsily that he chuckles at your inexperience. even when you’re bleeding, you can feel your cunt throb and the feeling in your stomach increase — it was oh, so delicious, the same thing felt whenever he entered a room with that sick smile.

geto nudges you to remove your clothing, touches leaving blazing fires along your skin. he sighs when your breasts are on display, taking a nipple and swirling a tongue around it. so foreign, so good that you grab his other hand and he stops. ah, yes, you were still a monkey after all, no speaking when not spoken to — that translates to actions as well.

the lord resumes his ministrations, other hand reaching for your tits to massage the other, moaning into your chest before he kisses down your body. you panic, because aren’t you dirty? aren’t you bloody?

“let me relieve you, doll,” geto-sama was well deserving of being geto-sama. like how a lord should be, he is observant in seeing how your hand clutches your stomach on the first two days of your menstruation. what qualities of a lover— lord that is.

he coaxes you into removing your bottoms (“but geto-sama, my blood—”, “nonsense, leave it.”), peeling your underwear off you and the smell hits him almost immediately. the smell he’s friends with, that metallic tinge that hits his nose so disgustingly when he sees yet another act of unjust done by the weak, and yet when geto sees you spreading his legs for him, this hit of odour is nothing like the terrible scenes he’s caused.

no, he thinks that this is right and just, this is in the fates, this was the moment of justifiable pleasure received by a weak, lesser monkey only he could satisfy. he was your saviour after all.

but when geto’s tongue makes first contact with your cunt, he thinks maybe he was on the other side of the picture — him, as weak as a non-sorcerer, sentenced to the giving of pleasure to you.

geto moans when he first tastes blood, and then your slick, the combination more angelic than holy communion. he sucks on your clit and your grip could draw blood from how tight you clutched onto the sheets but you make sure your nails don’t dig in and bleed. geto-sama wouldn’t want that.

he flicks his tongue on your nub, large hands spreading your thighs apart with ease as the abuse on your clit is merciless. geto hums into your cunt, the lewd sounds of your blood mixed in with arousal just staining the room with a pungent smell of copper and sex.

geto gives no warning as he shoves a finger into you, your blood giving him easy access and in an instant the uncomfortable cramp in your stomach starts to subside. he was a god, you know, he’s your god, you think, but you aren’t sure if you’re stingy and self-centred enough to cage him for yourself.

a loud moan leaves you when he starts to thrust, not stopping the stubborn movements of his tongue.

“oh, what pretty noises,” geto drawls, mumbling into your cunt, “your little pussy is being real loud as well, huh?”

you whimper at the lewd language, always being brutally and cruelly targeted towards you in your village, and yet when they’re spoken so filthily and intently to you — you can’t help but nod.

“need you to tell me how bad you want it, pet.” geto teases, knowing you hardly speak, but it’s an invitation, right?

your saviour adds a second finger and a mewl escapes your mouth, incoherent babbles that sounded like gibberish. oh, you really were too cute.

“that feel good, ain’t it?” he whispers, licking his lips and spreading the taste of your blood around his mouth. he smiles at your second nod.

“then tell me. what. you. want.” the command is straight, now, and if it weren’t for geto going back to suckle on your clit alongside his two fingers pumping in and out of you, you’d cower.

“want—” you moan, the squelching noises of your pussy increase in volume and the sound of his palm making contact with his chin is sinful, dirty, exactly what you were.

geto loved dirty.

“want your cock in me, geto-sama.” so, you did know the words, heart pounding so loud it resonates in your head; you wonder how you manage to even say it so clearly, so confidently. where did those words come from?

“want you to fuck me, and use me, please, geto-sama.”

your god’s smile widens into a grin and he wastes no time removing his gojo-gesa, his robes, fishing his cock out from his underwear with one hand while the other continues to lazily move in and out of you. you stare like a dumb little dog, excitement obvious by how you clench around his fingers and bite your lip.

all monkeys were so fucking predictable. your village, your parents, yo—

geto is proven wrong again when he first slips in, blood spilling from your cunt that he doesn’t exactly care if it’s because of your menstruation or your tight little pussy being stretched so far to accommodate his fat, heavy cock, but the warmness of your cunt is just so goddamn divine, he has to take a deep breath to brace himself.

“feel better already?” he fawns over you, over the bulge showing in your stomach. it showed how deep he was in you, in your womb, and you clench again at the feeling of being filled up. geto’s hips start to set a pace, rocking into you with groans of his own.

“s-so much better, geto-sama,” the smile you give him is drunk, horridly in love with your saviour who did nothing but manipulate, but you could hardly care for the morals of this world when his pre-cum filled cock hits your spots so well. his pubes and hips that meet yours are coated with blood, the scent of it increasing the longer he uses your body like a fucktoy, a reverberating pap! pap! pap! of his balls slamming into your ass.

“pussy so fucking good—” geto cums first with a loud groan, filling your womb with his seed that’s viscous and hot, and the heat of your cunt doesn’t stop him from moving, flipping the two of you over and you’re screaming in the process, body jolting from the sudden orgasm. geto grunts as he feels you spasm around his dick, switching to a violent ram up into your pussy — you’re atop him now and you suffer the pussy drunk thrusts he gives you, one after the other into your dripping hole.

it’s so messy, so dirty and so fucking revolting, your bleeding cunt mixed with his cum forming strings that connect your pelvis to his, the soiled sheets of red and translucent below you — your god’s hips falter and still, cumming for a second time so quickly geto has to make sure he’s still the right person after this.

your eyes are way back in your skull, head tipped backwards onto his shoulder and outstretched for all gods to see, and yet, geto suguru was your one and only definition of divinity. a man of wisdom, charm. you’re jerking and gasping when you feel his cum spill out of you and you’re reaching that intoxicating high all over again, geto-sama, geto-sama, geto-sama, like a chant on your lips.

it was like worship in the common room, and yet this was different, entirely, because you were getting purified and corrupted all in one sitting, by geto-sama’s cock.

geto grins and smothers himself in your cunt once you’re climaxing and eats the blood and cum out of your pussy, oozing out right onto his tongue and the mixture of it is like a sick little concoction of sin and virtue — exactly what the two of you were.

good and evil, blessing and curse, god and devil. except, geto suguru wasn’t sure what title he fell under, any more.

oh, no, not when he had you.

pls, pls tell me if i missed any warnings! ty for reading ♡