#and it always comes back. i cant be myself because of the topic. it always comes back.

[todayisafridaynight]

plane scene is so funny cause why is mine a sleeper agent that wakes up whenever daigo is mentioned

can’t wait to see it in dragon engine :3

mine has been the winner for Funniest Character Imaginable for 15 consecutive years and i have yet to see anyone come close i fear

[calpalsworld]

I really want to find some way to fix the problem but that desire is my compulsion (?) and it never actually fixes the problem. I tell myself to drop it and focus on other things like my art, but I just wish I could fix it now. The only way I can fix it is through ignoring it. And that will take time. (but also it feels unsafe to ignore it, because i feel like it is a real issue even though its probably not a real issue).

[crushedsweets]

What if Toby was the older sibling instead of Lyra....

And he's tryna get money for a apartment so they both can move out but then the crash happens.... -💀

anon do you understand what this just did to me. CW for grief and briefly implied abuse

i just got off of work n its getting late so its pretty messy and incoherent and mostly just me thinking to myself . . . also i end up talking about normal/younger brother toby for half of this anyway cuz no self control or direction.

i imagine younger brother toby already feels a ton of guilt from the crash. i cant remember if this was canon, but i HC he blames himself for a ton of reasons. she was driving him home from a doctor appointment, he thinks slendy mightve been involved cuz of him, he just cant remember if maybe he had a tic and thats what startled her, if it all comes down to him, if he just asked mom to pick him up instead, if he got a damn bus, anything else

so the idea that he's older. HE'S THE ONE DRIVING COME ONNN. he's driving her to school or something. man.

obviously tobys a protective person, but i imagine it comes tenfold towards a little sister. and it would fucking KILL him that 1. he couldnt always protect her at home because he was trying to work enough to get them out of there 2. his own driving is what took her life.

this is half on topic to your ask but. in my AU, around age 13 toby started being a menace and incredibly unfairly cruel to lyra (needless insults, taking her stuff, arguing with her) because he had so much pent up rage. and lyra always tried to give back kindness, and eventually (a yr or so later) toby calmed down and got close with her again .

so. realistically, if toby were older, he'd still have an asshole phase. but i like to think its more in the like. "leave me the fuck alone" way rather than trying to have some power. and he'd eventually get over it and realize he's gotta pull it together for her because she's even more scared and powerless than him and it sucks and she needs someone to be there for her .

however, i think after her death, the guilt he'd feel from even having that sorta asshole phase with her would EAT HIM ALIVE.

i dunno. this entire dynamic hurts my soul. please give the rogers siblings joy for once.

[volturiprincess]

Rain

Demetri Volturi x human mate reader

Summary: Reader gets overwhelmed with stress and he's there to support her Warnings: mentions of an anxiety attack, but mostly fluff A/N: Omg someone stop me😁, another one-shot post?? I had to write this because as I was taking my breaks I would work on this, its not proofread but the idea of Demetri calling the reader Spanish nicknames is a must have but throw rainy weather into the topic and muah *chefs kiss*. Enjoy and there will be a second A/N in the end. A little translation for my non-Spanish speakers: Mi cariño: dear or darling Mi vida: My life Princessa: princess Mi amado hermoso: My beautiful lover

(I cant believe it took me a while to write a Demetri one-shot)

I burst through our shared room in a panic state and I saw my lovely mate on his special chair. Before I could even react he was already wrapping his arms around me and cuddling me into his chest. I felt the build up tears I was holding back cascade down my cheeks. Demetri was rubbing my back in comfort and I heard him mumble

“Mi cariño, let it all out, I know you need this”

I sure did need this, all of today I was working on a project for a class and I ended up deleting about half of it and couldn't recover it at all. I always threw my computer out the window but instead I stared at the blank page that was staring back at me with what I could assume was mockery. I did manage to remember a good amount of what I had done and it's back to how it is, but I spent a while in a state of shock and denial.

Suddenly I felt myself shaking physically, my heart increase in palpitation and worst of all I could feel my breath becoming shorter. Demetri picked up right away that I was dealing with an anxiety attack and he guided me toward the balcony to the fresh air and the light rain. 

“Mi vida, look its raining, you love the rain, hey look at how pretty it looks”

I turn my head to be able to face the scenery instead of his very well built chest to see how soft and calming it is currently. I told Demetri before that I love the rain, it's my personal safe haven other than his arms. I felt my trembling and shaking diminished slightly, my heart rate started to slow down to a more reasonable way but my breathing was still a problem.

I felt him tilt my head up so I was looking at him and my breath for a minute hitch, he looked breathtaking right now. There were small droplets of rain running down his face which caused his hair to stick to his forehead and his eyes were full of adoration. He looked beautiful at that moment, well he always looks beautiful, I heard him one time arguing with Felix and he ended the conversation with “Dont hate me because im beautiful”. 

I smiled at the memory and soon enough he had a look of curiosity with a matching smile

“What's got you smiling like that princessa?”

“I was just think about your statement to end an argument with Felix, the don't hate because i'm beautiful”

His laughter filled the gloomy atmosphere that the rain created, his laugh sounding like music to my ears. One of his hands started to caress my cheek gently, his coldness immediately sending a small shiver down my spine but also somehow started to steady my breathing.

“Look at you princessa, your doing so good in breathing, such a good girl”

I blush at the praise which he never fails to miss, he knows what praises from him does to me, many thoughts come to mind but I push them away for now since I am still recovering from the earlier events.

“Do you want to talk about it/”

“My computer decided to throw me a whole 360 today”

“A whole 360? Im sorry cariño, but you need to explain that to me”

I giggled at his dumbfounded look, it's always fun to be able to still catch a vampire as old as him off guard with my modern language “Right forgot your like a million years old, I was working on a project today for one of my classes on my computer and I accidentally deleted like half of it but like I barely started it so it was no big deal because I remember what I had so far but it was just so frustrating you know”

He continued to caress my cheek as he nods along to my explanation 

“And it just so stressful in thinking I have so much to do still before this week ends and I feel like I have done what I needed to do but its not enough still and and—”

He placed his finger on my lips to silence me and I tiled my head to the side from curiosity, this is new. His signature smirk spread onto his face at my reaction

“Sorry love, but you started to spiral into chaos and as much as adore to hear you ramble, I started to feel stress myself from your stress”

I looked down in embarrassment but he tilted my head up once again 

“Hey don't be embarrassed cara, it's good for you to talk about what stresses you out, better out and in you know?”

“Your right metri”

“Now care to have a dance with me in the rain then?”

Whining at his request, even if that has secretly been a dream of mine to do “Demi you know i'm not even a good dancer, heck I don't even know how to”

“But that's the fun part princessa, I can teach you and we will be dancing in your favorite type of weather”

“Fair point”

As the rain intensified slightly, he guided my moves with such elegance that I almost felt like I myself am an expert to begin with. The rain at that moment was not a bother, my main focus was my casanova of a vampire that I call mi amado hermoso.

A/N: You know I don't know why I haven't added any Spanish nicknames to my writings, but I will in future (I feel like Demetri would just know all of the most romantic languages). I know I mentioned this in my Alec one-shot but I am working on a Caius one, its a work in progress indeed maybe in the end of this week I might have part one done, who knows?

[rontra]

My hand never seems to actually translate the ideas that are spinning up in my brain. how do you get it all out? any advice? just draw more? do i need to use more references? your art is just so beatiful you are one of my top inspos.

ah first of all thank you very much! i'm honored! 😳

(long post incoming lol)

to answer the question though, i don't think i sufficiently translate what's in my mind and i frequently let myself down! but it's important not to let that Stop you. i think overall it's sort of multifaceted and different for everyone--theres no single answer i can give you that will guaranteed work for you--but for me personally i think it mainly comes down to Derangement, DISCRETION!!, Discipline, & Diet

before i say anything more though it's important also to remember that making visual art (in our case drawings/comics) is training like 2 or 3 separate skills (depending on how you divide them). the HAND represents your current drawing ability & technique; what your drawing hand is physically able to produce when you set pen to paper. the BRAIN is the creative engine that cooks up your ideas and thinks of ways to assemble them. and the EYE represents your ability to recognize what art looks like and how it "should" look. when your brain is thinking of ideas and your hand can't capture them, that is not because you're "bad" at it: it means your eye skill is currently outpacing your hand skill. your ability to discern art, to see things like proportions and anatomy and composition and whatever else is going on, is currently stronger than your ability to draw them yourself. this is not a flaw. this is not a flaw. this is not a flaw!!!! but it does mean your hands' ability to capture what your brain has imagined will let your eyes down until your hands catch up. once they do--by studying, practicing your technique, using references, and gaining confidence--your eye skill will then begin to outpace it again. this cycle, the dance between the two skills, is why you might sometimes feel yourself suddenly "getting good" at art, then just as suddenly plateauing or "getting worse"; you are training different parts of what makes art happen. there is nothing wrong with this. you are improving even when it doesnt feel like it--even when it feels like THE LITERAL OPPOSITE is happening. because you're improving different skills!

(and of course as your eye skill develops you will look back at previous stages of development and go "HOW COULD I NOT SEE HOW BAD THIS LOOKS!"--and yeah. that's the thing; you probably, rather literally, couldn't see it! you only think it looks bad now because you've improved your "eye" skill. you should try to be proud of that feeling, even though it also likely sucks and is embarrassing to you at the same time. there's posts, even recent ones, that i go "i cant believe i thought that looked OK enough to post PUBLICLY" and it is embarrassing for me! but all it means is that i'm better at what i do now...so it doesn't get me down too badly. you gotta shrug that stuff off.)

with that out of the way, my four evil councilmen are as follows:

DERANGEMENT: find something you are not normal about. this can be anything (whether it's a topic that interests you, The Character, a medium, a damn color palette...anything!), as long as it captures your mind and motivates you to create. your brain should be spinning up ideas like crazy and your only choice is to draw them. because once you have Derangement the only thing that feels worse than Making Something Subpar is sitting around Not Making Anything At All. you should be interested in what you draw. you should ideally love it, even if you don't love your own art yet. once you know what motivates you, let that simmer until you have no choice but to draw even if you're scared it'll turn out bad. and hey--there will probably (unless you become some kind of Art God) always be parts you think should've turned out better in some way, however:

DISCRETION!!: realistically nobody NEEDS to know what parts of a piece you're unhappy with. it's valuable to have friends/art partners/mentors/whatever that you can comfortably check in with and go "i dont like [part], what do you think" and get feedback, but that's for YOU. for the audience at large, maybe people will notice, maybe they won't, but as an artist you are constantly growing and you will very likely be constantly looking back at past pieces (even just days or hours old sometimes) and going "what the hell was i thinking? how did i not see [error/s], or why didn't i go for [different idea/finish/color palette/etc]?". getting hung up on this will probably either light a fire under you or demotivate you completely depending on your particular brain soup. for me it can go either way depending on where i'm at in my current hand/eye development phase. but i try not to fixate on it. it's enough to observe it and take notes for next time. every drawing is part of your growth and you have to make wonky art in order to occasionally make something that satisfies your eyes. in the meantime, don't beat yourself up or put yourself down. you are gaining experience and technical know-how, and spotting things you'd like to work on for next time; especially if you're sharing this work and other people are telling you they like what you made, there's no need to undercut this by dwelling on the rough parts so much that you can't enjoy it. the important thing is that you made it.

DISCIPLINE: you made it, it's done, now make something new. do it again from the top! you're right: Drawing A Lot is absolutely the key to Drawing Better. it is also usually an evil curse that reveals How Bad You Drew 3 Months Ago. but you have no choice, if you want to hone your skills and improve the Brain Image -> Art Image translation. you have to do it even when it sucks. do it bored, do it scared, but you have to do it or you'll never get anywhere. when improving yourself, you have to draw a lot to see change, and this is the part that sucks, right? feeling like you're not really getting anywhere or like you'll never capture what's in your mind. you can do studies where you collect references and focus in on ironing out something that's bothering you (such as, like, specific objects, perspectives, clothing details, anatomy pieces, light and shadow, etc etc); this can help crack the malaise for sure... learning how to use references is good, as well as whatever tools are available to you (in your medium/software). How To Do This is sort of a different post, but it does help (and sometimes annoyingly so; there's been rare but very annoying moments in my career where i will be simply looking at a picture and idly make an observation that cracks a style/anatomy problem i've had for Years and im always like COME ON!!! hahaha--but yes looking at references and studying them "like an artist" definitely helps, even when it's not as miraculous as that). overall work smarter and nail down the stuff you're unsure about, then incorporate what you've learned into your art style until it looks a way you like. you will likely have to just grind it out sometimes, and often this grind will not feel particularly fun. but you can Dog Medication Salami Pocket yourself into it if you're drawing something you're sufficiently Deranged about. <- this is what diesel is always doing with those women (LOL)

also, Output. you do have to Be Making Stuff in order to finish stuff. for example for comic projects like adastra or failteacher au, if i can draw ~1 page a day, the update will be complete in no time. but i have to draw that 1 page every day to make it happen, even if i feel off or lack confidence about what i'm making. of course i'm not saying you shouldn't take breaks; you NEED to take breaks, set your goals to your own level, and listen to yourself (and don't get some kind of wrist problem like me please). but the point im trying to make is that if you can make yourself sit down and do it even though you're scared it'll turn out bad, (or, hell, even if this part of your project is Simply Boring), then you can do it anytime. this is important too. but you will probably still sometimes feel stuck if you try to work and grind all the time.

DIET: regularly, but especially when you're stuck in a rut, step away from your craft and enrich your diet. you have to play just as much as you have to work. for example, i am always ALWAYS reading comics. at any given time i probably have 1-4 (sometimes more) tabs open of different comics i am simultaneously reading!!!! i read webcomics, webtoons, manga, DC--any demographic or genre, i take random recs from people and just go read them. whatever medium you're in, you have to take in what other people are doing with it, you have to let them teach and inspire you. you have to branch out and look at genres and styles you usually don't. unwind and look at comics, at illustrations, at design, at animation, at video games. enjoy them as an audience, but look at them like an artist too. when you like something, pause and examine (as both an artist and audience) why you like it. (vice versa: if you don't like something, you can try to figure out why that is!) let other people's ideas and habits flow over you. you have to relax and enrich your mind, to refresh your creativity and motivation. this is crucial. when you come back, you'll feel refreshed and ready to go, and your big brain cauldron of tools + ideas + techniques will be all shiny and bubbling. it's just as important to experience art as it is to make it. i really can't stress that enough!!!!

i talk about comics specifically here because right now obviously i am making a lot of comics (adastra, failteachers). i often feel like i get stuck in boring page layouts and can't think of how to panel something. and honestly sometimes a basic layout that just Gets Through The Scene is simply sufficient (after all, not everything has to be a Groundbreaking New Masterpiece; we would all get fatigued by that!)--or otherwise a "boring layout" is just what i have to put down in order to put down anything at all. but in both cases, reading comics and taking in what people are doing with their layouts makes me feel refreshed and i can return to my own work all rested and bright-eyed. everything we read and watch and take in is added to our "mental library" for the brain to reference when it's time to create something. it is just as enriching and important to experience someone else's art and perspective, and to enjoy a diverse range of impressions. you are always learning and observing, so try to pay attention--it's feeding your brain... :j

(and now, hopefully, your enriched Diet has added fertilizer for your Derangement, and the entire council can take their turn again from the top of the order. HDFHBJFS)

hmm...

well, overall, like i said at the top, there's no One Solution or really Single Piece Of Advice i can offer you. but i hope maybe you got something out of it anyway. everyone's a bit different and everyone's ideal workflow and journey is different too. but don't give up, keep at it, and...GOOD LUCK!!! 🫡🫡🫡

& always remember: in the end, making something YOU like, that looks good to YOU and fulfills YOUR goals, is more important than making something "perfect" (if such a thing even exists). as long as YOU'RE enjoying making your art (yes, even when making the art is hell and sucks!), that's all that matters. 🤝

[equallyshaw]

So I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love | trevor zegras.

based off olivia rodrigo's song- scared of my guitar!

trevor x singer nameless oc!

not too sure if i wanna do gif's or pictures like that above..trying something new out (:

word count: 2.3k+

warnings: tbh, she's toxic...pls dont be like her.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

◦

Perfect, easy, so good to me So why's there a pit in my gut in the shape of you? Distract myself, say it's somethin' else Maybe I'm just overwhelmed, maybe I'm confused

◦

for around 11 months it was pure bliss...the two of them everywhere and anywhere. onlookers looked on with smiles and hushed whispers about how 'in love' they were. the two of them moved quickly in their relationship, but nobody found anything weird with it based on how their friends watched them and how they spoke about one another in the media when asked. trevor loved bringing home flowers whenever he came back from a roadie, or just because he felt like it. he showered her with gifts from the get-go as her own life was beginning to fill with riches, as her music career took off.

but once the 1 year mark was coming closer and closer, she began to feel a sense of dread. a sense of anxiety and fear, she hadn't had before. whenever she heard his name in passing or whenever somebody asked her about him, she'd freeze and stutter; not sure what to exactly say. or what was weirder, was that she spent more and more time at her apartment in la and not at his newport house...claiming that the record label was hounding her for an album and she was working day and night, like a dog. she did whatever she could in order to not think about him may it be hanging with friends, driving up and down the coast to san diego to visit family and taking spur of the moment trips with her friends. and when people asked her what was wrong or what she was thinking about, she'd always say 'work' and every white lie that came with that topic.

but when she see's trevor sporadically, she understands why she fell in love with him in the first place. he's charming, relentlessly nerdy, incredibly kind and respectful; all of which she adores. and while basking in that feeling for a bit of time, she feels guilty about how her feelings change when she's not with him. she then chalks it up to work, and how much pressure the label is giving her. so maybe just maybe, she'll stick it out with trevor.

◦

Barely sleep when you sleep next to me

But I keep thinkin' I'll find a cure

I say that I'm fine, I tell you all the time

I've never felt so happy and sure

◦

shortly after their one year, as she stays with trevor about once or twice a week, she can't help but toss and turn all night. claiming she's just stressed and overly exhausted, and he buys it all. he buys all her, "I've never been happier" or "I've never felt so sure about something in my entire life". he buys the, "once im done with the album ill move in with you." too, yet she knows they wont last. that sickening and dreadful feeling that keeps her up at night.

she goes to all of these lengths just to keep her heart from collapsing and her conscious from crumbling above her, and yet she knows right from wrong. she know's that the one that would be hurt the most is him.

◦

But I'm so scared of my guitar'

Cause it cuts right through to the heart

Yeah, it knows me too well so I got no excuse

I can't lie to it the same way that I lie to you

◦

but then when she sits down to write and come up with the chords for a song, she cant help but cry. everything becoming too much for her, her closest friends and producer seeing right through her. her music speaking the words, she can't help but think but not say. she knows that if she lies in a song, she'd be betraying her heart and her soul. her music being her lifelong love and escape, would truly affect her relationship with it.

◦

So I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love

◦

around a year and five months, she stopped writing. she stopped playing her guitar until the early morning hours. she stopped recording, citing that she was dealing with some personal issue. once the acknowledgment of 'oh shit, i need to break things off- soon' hit her mind one day during a writing session, she knew she couldn't write or sing until she did just that. and so she made her way down the coast to newport to do just that, but when she walked inside she saw a doe-eyed and blissful trevor in her midst. she crumbled right then and there, allowing him to make their way to the bedroom. she laid in his arms, not being able to fall asleep once again; and reminding herself that she loved trevor .. or at least needed to remind herself more. was it though? at least on her part?

◦

I was ravin', no boy like you I had the nerve to just stop stringin' you all along But I'm not half as decent as you I'd rather be tied to someone, even if they're wrong

◦

trevor was the guy, she thought when they first met. she thought that they were end game and would go to the absolute ends of the galaxy to believe that, to show and make people believe it too. and after some point, she felt guilty about stringing him along and talking about their future plans together. another morning she stopped by abruptly on her way from san diego, she knew she had to break things off with him. yet when she arrived at his place, she found him making breakfast and the brightest smile she hadn't seen in awhile. he went along and continued with his breakfast but not before making a cup of coffee for her and a extra serving of his breakfast for her. before leading her over to the dining room table and held her hand as they ate. guilt crept up her spine as she looked at him, talking about something that had happened on a road trip and she felt a pang in her heart. she was a coward. rather than break the band aid and say what she'd wanted to say for months now...she let him continue to speak.

he was a better person than she was, she thought. he would have ended things a long time ago if he'd felt what she'd felt or thought. he wouldn't have continued to string her along. he was a good person like that. but her? she was half the person he was, he was a good person with good intentions. the culprit?

she didn't want to be alone.

◦

I make excuses, my friends know the truth is I'm not as alright as I claim I say that I'm fine, I tell them all the time As they watch all the life fade away

◦

the life was draining from her and her friends watched as it did. she was hiding herself away in her los angeles apartment, shortly after she stopped writing. they were all rightfully concerned with her mental health and wouldn't take the 'im fine's!" she hurled at them time and time again. they even reached out to trevor and even he could not get her to come out of her shell. though, he never got the full story of why she was like that. he dropped around unannounced before and after practice, sometimes staying the night but most times slipping out after she'd fallen asleep. but not without a soft kiss to her temple, and tiptoeing out. his family and friends grew concerned when he opted to stay in newport for the offseason. by the offseason, she'd gone back into the studio and pushed through. the studio eating up whatever she had written, and loved it all.

◦

I pretend that it's love, love

'Cause what if I never find anything better? The doubt always creeps through my mind So we'll stay together 'cause how could I ever Trade somethin' that's good for what's right?

◦

with no end in sight, she continued to push through with the relationship, trying to get back to how things were before when she was without a doubt, happy and in love. when trevor does finally leave the sunshine state to go visit family and friends, she stays up thinking about her and trevor's future. would she find anybody better than him? would she find the love that they shared early in their relationship? would she find somebody almost as arrogantly confident? somebody with an infinite passion for what they do? their (affectionately) dumb friends who adored her? and somebody with a zest for life? her journals filled to the brim that summer with what had been eating her up inside.

when trevor comes back right before the season begins, he take's her out to malibu one early morning before the sunrise. she was groggy and tired from the night before, and so when she was awoken abruptly she groaned; trying to desperately to go back to bed. trevor said that he wanted to go for a sunrise and she hummed, thinking he'd go by himself. but instead, he tickled her enough to wake her up and she dreaded getting out of bed. they drove up to malibu that September 2nd, and held one another as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. he bit the inside of his cheek, body filled with nerves and anxiety. he whispered her name to begin with, and in the most trevor and most un trevor way, he proposed. she turned around to see him with tears in his eyes and visible anxiety washed over his features. she smiled softly feeling the inside of her scream to say no and beg her to leave the life she grown used to the past mere months. her smile grew wider and faker, as she said yes. trevor had gotten her dream ring from new york, and she gushed as he pulled it out. tears swelled her eyes as she felt her heart tug at the effort he'd made for her. she was going to show him the same effort as well, even if it hurt her to no end.

◦

her record label demanded an ep of some new songs they knew she undoubtedly had written after she got engaged. her album release was a massive success, going #1 and platinum in many countries. her career was reaching new heights and she was engaged? she was the it girl everybody wanted to be. yet she felt so very far from it, but kept that signature smile on at all times.

she felt herself buy into the idea of marrying trevor when she saw how excited her family was when they showed up to a private dinner the very evening of her album released. they gushed and gushed over the ring and endless possibilities her and trevor could have together. she saw how good both of their families bonded and got along with one another. she could feel the pride and gratitude that oozed off of trevor that night. he loved - no absolutely adored this life the universe had bespoked upon him. the singer was just another addition. he thought he had everything before they met, but when he saw her get absolutely hammered at a party they were both invited to; he was enamored. the grace she carried herself with when dancing, talking, singing and most importantly; the love she oozed for her friends was intoxicating. he could not and never wanted to get enough of it.

the look he gave her that night was one she'd never, ever forget in this lifetime. it was how all girls wished to be looked at. the one that would spare nothing to make their partner happy. the one where you know they'd go to the ends of the earth for you and with you. it was as if she hung the moon and the stars for him.

who would pass that up?

◦

I let the thought in, it's already done

◦

she brought into the idea of going through with the wedding after the release party and found herself immersed in wedding planning. she found herself non stop traveling with trevor that summer, after a serious playoff run. she found herself thinking of their future together because lets be honest, it was there. and she couldn't help but get excited just a bit when trevor had said, that she was going to be most beautiful bride and future mom to ever grace this planet. she looked at him through the mirror and again that look, captivated and brought her in.

◦ But I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love Yeah, I lay in your arms and pretend it's enough

◦

their wedding was a dream. an absolute dream. hollywood and hockey royalty showed up and showed out. the wedding of all weddings. they danced the night away to taylor swift. then as a surprise, trevor and his groomesman shamelessly, did a group dance to one of her upbeat songs as she sat there blushing like a fool, covering her face in embarrassment. they spent the night basking in everybody's presence, the singer not having a second to spare a second thought about what was going to be coming in the next few months. she knew that the world and everybody in their lives would be asking about kids and what not. yet, she pushed that towards the back of her mind. she played the role of a loving and adoring newlywed. she smiled to the camera's as if there was no tomorrow. her friends actually believing that she was happy and that she had found her way back to trevor. and in a way, that was true. she felt stuck with no way out.

the couple retreated back to the ritz carlton new york hotel suite, with a bottle of very expensive champagne, thin slice pizza and new york cheesecake. after stuffing their faces in between making out, the two fell asleep. or at least trevor did. the singer looked up at the ceiling, wide awake and unable to sleep. she had played the part this long...what was another ten?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

umm....sorry about that! part two is coming at some point because i wanna hurt myself even more lmao...

please like and reblog if you did and id love to hear your thoughts too!

tags: @cuttergauthier @zegrasbabyyy @hockeyboysarehot @slafgoalskybaby @sc0tters @sweetestdesire @jayda12 @starshine-hockey-girl @cellythefloshie

[lluvllimoo]

You could’ve just told me! Pt1

Hi this is my first fic so please be nice. Also English isn’t my first language so there might be mistakes.

My inspiration is @itzsana-kiddingmenow i love her fics so much. I always wanted to write i just didn’t have the motivation but here we go.

Lee!jisung

Ler!Lee Know

This is a tickle fic if its not something you’re interested in you can scroll 🤍

Jisung was in his room, thinking again. This was actually starting to happen quite often these days. Well, what was he thinking about? Well, Jisung was in a lee mood, and he was thinking about how to tell his members that. But he could never tell the members that because he thought they would judge him for that. I mean, could you blame him? He couldn’t even say the word out loud.

This went on for days. Jisung would go to practice,come home, eat, and then go to his room, staring at the ceiling for hours. He would make up tickling stories in his mind, but that would just make his mood worse. He also tried to read fics, and just as expected, it only made it worse for the poor little Lee.

While Jisung was busy staring at the ceiling once again, he didn’t notice a member coming into his room. When he realized someone was there, it was too late to cover up his thinking face. He was zoned out, and he probably had a frown on his face. He looked up and saw what his favorite Hyung Lee know. Lee Know was staring at him with a worried look.

“Jisungie whats wrong.”

“O-oh nothing hyung.”

He hated himself for stuttering.

“Come on Jisung im not a kid i can tell you are lying.”

“Tell me whats wrong Ji.”

Lee Know came closer to Jisung and sat next to him.

With that, Jisung couldn’t hold it anymore. Tears spilled out.

Jisung hated how he was crying about something so stupid.

“No baby whats wrong please don’t cry.”

“H-hyung”

He was looking into Lee Know’s eyes, which made it harder to tell him, but it was now or never. He knew he could trust Lee Know, but telling him about this topic was just hard for Jisung.

“Jisung you can tell me anything you know i would never judge you.”

How did he know?

Lee Know grabbed jisungs face and looked into his teary eyes.

“I-i.”

Jisung sighed.

“I hate how im crying about something so stupid i cant even believe myself.”

“You now what.”

“Lets pretend this never happened and you never saw me crying”

“No”

“You are going to tell me whats wrong”

“I can clearly tell this has been bothering you.”

“And no its not stupid”

“If you just tell me whats wrong you now i can help you”

Jisung took a deep breath

“W-well”

“D-do you know what a l-l.”

“L-.”

“I cant do it”

Jisung looked down at his feet.

“A lee?”

When he heard the he immediately looked at Lee know.

“H-how do you know that?”

“Ohhh sweet little Jisungie was this what you were trying to say baby hmm?~”

“W-well yes.”

Jisung looked back at his feet because could swear his face was red as a tomato.

Lee know garbbed Jisungs face and forced him to look at him. Lee know cooed at jisungs little red face.

“Awww is my baby flustered.~”

“Does my baby need me to take care of his little lee mood hmm.~”

Jisung hit his arm in a playful manner.

“Owww that hurt”

“Oh come on hyung i didn’t even hit hard.”

“I think i need to punish you for that.”

As he said this he wiggled his eyebrows while jisungs face turned into 50 shades of red.

Lee Know didn’t waste another second and pounced on Jisung. He took off his jacket and used that to tie Jisung arms to the headboard.

“Hmmm where should i tickle my baby?”

“Do you want to help your hyung out and tell me your most ticklish spot hm?~”

As he said that a sad expression appeared on Jisungs face.

“I-i actually don’t know”

“Wait what?”

“I’ve never been tickled before.”

“I don’t even know if im ticklish or not. All i now is every time i think of tickling i just want someone to tickle me.”

“Aww my poor baby probably suffered a lot.”

“Well im here to help you now.”

With that Lee Know slowly started to tickle Jisungs belly.

“Is this belly ticklish hmm.~”

Jisung giggled at the sensation. It felt weird but so good.

“Hyuhuhng dohont tehehease”

“You want me to go rougher?”

“P-please.”

Lee Know lifted Jisungs shirt up reveal his little bellybutton.

“Aww what a cute bellybutton.”

“Will you turn into a little giggle bug for me if i tickle you right here.~”

He sticked one of his finger in Jisungs bellybutton without any warnings.

“HyuHAHAHAHANG”

“Ooooohh i think i found a good spot.”

“Im not even moving it and ur already laughing your heart out.”

“I CAHAHAHNT HEHEHEHHEHELP IHIHIHIHTT.”

He tugged at his arms but nothing happened he couldn’t move them he was stuck.

“Trying to escape?”

“I already taught of this. You cant go anywhere baby.~”

Jisung knew he was fucked. I mean not really because he was enjoying it a little too much but he would never say that out loud.

Lee Know lifted Jisungs shirt a little more to reveal his ribs

“How about we try here.”

“Actually…”

“Ji do you know how many ribs you have?”

“N-no i don’t”

Lee Know slowly put his fingers on Hannies ribs started to count them.

“Onee.”

“Phhlheheahahse”

“Twooo”

“Ugh you’re not reacting like how i want you to react”

Lee Know put his hands on the lowest rib and started to tickle Jisung like crazy.

“OMHAHAGAGAGAG HAHHAHAHHAHAHA IHIHIHIH IHIHITHTS THOHOHO MUHUHUCH”

“There we go.There is my giggle bug”

“STAGAGHAHAHAHHAP”

Even tho Jisung begged for Lee Know to stop probably about 100 times he did not listen and he just kept on going rougher and rougher. Soon Hannies laughter became silent and that was a sign for Lee Know to stop and give Jisung a little breather. Jisung was panting hard trying to inhale air as much as possible.

“Did you enjoy it baby?”

“Should we continue? I feel like i haven’t gotten the spot yet.”

“Can we stop? Im tired. Can we continue this later?”

Lee Know giggled because Hannie looked so cute so tiny. Even tho Lee Know wanted to continue he did not want to make Jisung uncomfortable so he got up and started to untie the jacket.

“Of course we can continue another day Jisungie.”

After Lee Know untied his wrist he got up and grabbed a bottle of lotion to put on Jisungs wrist. All of that tugging made Jisungs wrists a little red. After putting on the lotion he layed down next to Jisung and snuggled him.

“You know if you just told me from the start i would have tickled you ever time you wanted but you made yourself suffer.”

“We would never judge you for anything.”

“Thank you hyung.”

“I-i”

“I-i love you”

“i love you too baby.”

I tried my best. I also wrote this on the plane my mom asked me who was i texting😭 I will try to write the second part but my lazy ass will probably take long.

[ttaibhse]

i need to start up running again i haven't been in ages and i feel shitty about it but i still just don't really want to. especially now it's getting colder lol i like running in cool weather but when it's actually cold not as much. i was getting so bored of it idrk why i guess because i was running out of new routes to do... i hate running along the road and the thought of adding more distance which basically would mean adding more time on the road or just mindless loops of the parks wasn't really motivating lol. and i felt like i stopped making progress. and then i got sick and the pain in my back/hips came back for a while. and to be honest i was/am just disappointed that i wasn't losing any weight at least not perceptibly and obviously i was lying when i said the goal of it wasn't to lose weight lol. like not the only goal i did/do also want to just be a fitter and more active person and not let my bones crumble into dust by middle age whatever but ultimately i want to lose weight and it just wasn't happening. even though i wasn't intentionally eating much more to make up for the extra activity but i probably was doing it without meaning to. like admittedly there were definitely times i would be like oh i can have a bit more i did a big run today. not all the time but enough i guess. i feel like shit i hate being this size & shape i miss being skinny and the more time passes with me not being skinny it gets harder to remember the negatives that came with it. like i look back now and i know i was always cold and exhausted and obsessed with food and my whole life revolved around it like i know all that but i looked so much better -_- my clothes looked nicer. if someone took a photo of me i only had to worry about hating my face not my body as well. or not as much at least lol i always hated it i guess. but omfg my face even looks worse now because its just doughy. i cant stand it. i cant believe how fucked up i look lol

i hate writing posts like this i sound so cookie cutter stereotypical ED girl. it's so so embarrassing i can't stop feeling like this at nearly 28. im 28 in like 10 days and the first time i remember consciously deciding to stop eating to lose weight i was 10 or 11. my mum still seems to have genuinely blocked out the memories of it like any of it even though we talked about it at several different points in time when i was a teenager and i said to her what was going on and she was so angry with me like furious with me. and then again when i was an adult and just said outright because i knew i had put on weight over lockdown and i knew she thought i had just lost control of myself because she said so to my sister

so i said to her like look i was only really thin in uni because i was in like a 1.5k calorie deficit every single day. there were days i would stand up at the end of a lecture and almost black out lol so i said all that maybe 3 or 4 years ago was the last time i brought it up icr but still if the topic of eating disorders or similar comes up she will say things like "i hope youve never felt that way" LMFAO like full sincerity i swear to fucking god i dont understand. but anyway its not a great feeling knowing she thinks im fat because i just dont take care of myself. even though it is true i suppose. and every time i see my granny she comments on my weight. so anyway all that to say that's how i know it's true and it's not just in my head

like i can acknowledge that back in the day when i was something like 55kg and still thought i was huge that was some kind of dysmorphia involved. but not any more and it's just kind of a blow because i had finally started accepting this idea that i wasn't as big as i thought and now i am it's like i don't know like going backwards. like a nightmare come true or something it's literally all the bad thoughts i would have about myself are true now. i am that fat or even worse because i think i've been deluding myself i think i'm actually now bigger than i think i am. and i am lazy and eat badly and it still feels like my options are total lack of control or the tightest rein possible. theres no good middle ground i dont know how people find a middle ground. how do you eat normally lol. ive only ever been thin when i was barely eating + walking miles and miles every day AND on testosterone. i tried to do eating normally and now im so huge and i dont know what to do like logically i know there are people out there who have got it right so why cant i get it right

[gothcsz]

𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒇𝒂𝒓𝒆 / Chapter III.

gif credit @azerytrobaz

PAIRING: Javier Peña x Original Female Character

SUMMARY: Things are always going to get worse before they get better.

WORD COUNT: ~6k

RATING: 18+ Mature topics such as sex, drugs, murder, the occult, religion, cannibalism and other triggering matters will be explored in this body of work. Minors DNI.

CHAPTER SPECIFIC TAGS: Mention of suicide, some grief and mourning, talks of religion, Javi going full on detective mode, homicide cop talk, a really hot wet dream, he's literally in his deputy sheriff uniform and i'm obsessed, dbf!Javier again because I have no self control, some other things that I'm probably forgetting.

DISCLAIMER/WARNINGS: The Javier Peña referenced in this body of work is solely based off of the character that appears in Netflix’s Narcos and not the actual person. Very canon divergent and I will tweak things as I see fit to compliment the narrative of this story. While efforts have been made to be accurate in terms of canon timeline, a lot of details will be fictionalized.

A/N: While efforts have been made to be accurate in terms of canon timeline, a lot of details will be fictionalized! There are mentions of suicide and murder in this chapter so reader discretion is advised. not arguing w a man that has big brown eyes. whatever u say beautiful !!!! i hope y'all enjoyed this chapter… especially that scene in the beginning bc hot damn was i fanning myself while writing it …. i need him so bad it's concerning !! anyways feel free to drop any type of feedback/support here or on ao3 where this fic is cross-posted!

♰  read on ao3. ♰

♰  playlist | pinterest | series masterlist ♰

“Oh Javi...” Paloma moans out in pure bliss, head canting back and exposing the column of her throat to which he hungrily begins to attack with his lips. Kissing, licking, biting; his cock twitches as she clenches around him.

Her orgasm is quickly building to its peak. She’s wanted this for so long and it’s about to be over. Wishes to prolong it for as long as she can, but that’s nearly impossible since he’s making her feel so damn good and alive.

“That’s right, hermosa, taking it so good…” He mutters softly in her ear through clenched teeth, tip of his nose brushing against her jaw, hips still drilling against hers at a brutal pace.

Paloma knows she’s going to be feeling him for the next few days, the soreness from his length stretching her out and fucking her deliciously a reminder of their time together.

Her sundress is scrunched up at her waist, tits spilling out from the top that’s been lowered as Javier kisses down to her chest and his lips wrap around one of her stiffened nipples. This only encourages her to be more vocal, sounding sweeter yet filthier than any pornstar he’s ever heard or prostitute he’s ever fucked.

One of his hands moves from her waist up to her neck, holding her firmly as he shifts her thighs higher around his waist, fucking her at a new angle that has her seeing stars. Her eyelids fall close at the overwhelming euphoria coursing through her.

“No, princesa, open your eyes. Want you to look at me while you come all over this dick.” Her eyes snap open at his dirty talk, usual brown eyes now drowned in lust as he squeezes his grip around her throat.

Paloma’s never had sex like this, never been talked to in this manner either. It’s exhilarating.

“Atta girl, so obedient, aren’t you? Desperate to come all over me. You make the prettiest faces while I’m fucking you, cariño.” He continues to coax her and she lets him do as he pleases, his words only pushing her closer to her release.

“Oh god.. Javi I-I’m so closeeee….” She mewls out, her hands clawing at his wrist as she begins to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of her approaching orgasm. 

He places wet kisses against her jaw before messily slanting his lips against hers; his tongue licking the inside of her mouth and swallowing her moans as her walls flutter around his cock while she comes.

Paloma’s eyes open slowly, groaning at the sunlight that hits her face directly and the annoying sound of her morning alarm.

She feels the wetness between her thighs, reminding her of the very intense dream she had been pulled out from.

Javier giving her the best lay of her life. God, she wishes she could fall back asleep to finish it. If the dream version of him is that good; she can only imagine what the real thing must be like. 

She reaches over to shut the alarm off, then rolls onto her back to stare up the ceiling. It felt so real, the way he was holding and kissing her. She bites down on her lower lip.

She wants him so bad.

One of her hands slowly begins to slither down to the elastic band of her sleep shorts. She’s too hot and needy to not finish herself off.

Slipping her fingers beneath her shorts, she teases herself by softly dragging her manicured nails along the skin of her inner thighs, trying to pick back up where she’d left off in her dream. Javier filling her up to the hilt, his cock pressed up against that one spot that made her cry out like a bitch in heat.

After she’s teased herself enough, her fingers slowly trace her wet seam which has a soft moan pushing past her lips. She repeats the action a few more times before she spreads herself open, drenching her fingers in her own arousal then softly pushing two inside. 

She sighs shakily, slowly working them in and out of her; imagining it to be Javier’s more thicker and undoubtedly rougher touch.

“No, princesa, open your eyes. Want you to look at me while you come all over this dick.” 

Dream Javi’s words overtake her and her mouth falls open at how good she’s currently pleasuring herself. He’s all up in her mind, making her feel so good even when he isn’t here.

Her free hand is now under her shirt, pinching and twisting at her nipple to aid her in reaching her orgasm.

Paloma’s cunt clenches around her fingers, thumb rubbing the pearl of her clit. She’s so close to releasing; all while thinking of a man she’s just met.

“Paloma, are you awake?” Feverous movements immediately come to a halt as she hears her father’s voice then his knocking against her bedroom door; the doorknob shaking once he begins to turn it.

She scrambles to collect herself, pissed off that she had not only woken up from a magnificent wet dream, but also interrupted as she was trying to get herself off because of it.

“Wait, I’m naked!” Is the first thing she can think of to exclaim, pulling the blanket up to her chin despite having on sleepwear.

He halts and she lets out a relieved sigh as he doesn’t enter.

“Get dressed. I need to speak with you…” She hears the pinched expression in his statement and her brows furrow. Something’s wrong and she feels an uncomfortable stir in her stomach, no longer aroused.

“Okay… I’ll be down in a second.” There’s a brief moment of silence before she hears his footsteps descend down the hallway then the stairs.

Kicking the sheets off of her, she swings her legs over the edge of the bed and rubs at her eyes with the back of her hand. 

So much for starting the day off on a pleasurable note. She can still feel her wetness coating her thighs so she decides to wipe them clean in the bathroom before meeting her father downstairs.

After brushing her teeth and freshening up, she enters the kitchen to find Romeo staring out the large bay window that overlooks their backyard.

“Good mornin’... everythin’ alright?” She can’t help but nervously ask, chewing the inside of her cheek and leaning against the doorframe.

He doesn’t respond right away, instead taking a deep breath and dropping his gaze to his boots.

“Another girl was murdered.”

Paloma sucks in a breath and that uncomfortable stir in her stomach from earlier returns at the news.

“Body was found right here in town. She was one of us.”

“Who—”

“Nina Thorton.”

Now she feels like the wind has been knocked out of her entirely. She’s known Nina since they were kids; having gone to the same preschool and then graduating from high school together. She saw her at church every Sunday, Nina often frequented her shows and the two engaged in pleasant small talk when running into each other in town. 

It’s almost too surreal for Paloma to try and process, despite being aware of the recent crimes in the surrounding areas. It was only a matter of time before it happened directly here in Seminary. Now that it has, and so close to home at that, she’s terrified.

“Oh my god… no… that can’t be— I just saw her at the bank a few days ago.” She stumbles over her words, her father finally turns to face her and sees how upset his daughter is. He crosses the room to envelop her in a comforting hug.

She rests her forehead against his chest, falling limp in his arms. He rubs soothing circles against her back and that helps her feel a little better. Some wetness from her cheek transfers to the front of his work shirt and Paloma just now realizes that she’s actually crying.

“Shhh, it’s okay sweetheart. I know this is a lot and I contemplated even tellin’ you but… it’s for the best that you know… ‘specially comin’ from me.” He pulls back, cupping her cheeks in his hands and wiping away her tears with his thumb.

She nods, taking some deep breaths to help calm her down. Another girl is gone and they’re nowhere near close to finding out who did it or why.

Hopefully they figure it out before he or she hurts someone again… but Paloma isn’t an idiot— she knows things of this severity take time.

“The funeral will be on Saturday and there’s a vigil Friday night. I’m about to head down to the station to get on top of things. Javier should be back from D.C. tomorrow. I probably won’t make it home for dinner.” Paloma’s heart sinks at the fact that she’s going to be all alone navigating through this grief she didn’t even know she could have.

“Are you going to be okay? ‘Cause I can work from home if—”

“No, daddy, you never bring your work home and you’re not gonna start now. I’ll be fine, don’t worry. You have a job to do.” She urges him softly, placing her hands over his that are still on her cheeks and flashing him the most genuine smile she can muster.

Romeo just looks at her, studying her face and she sees the way his tired eyes turn gentle.

“You remind me so much of her. Especially now that you’re all grown up.” There’s a tenderness to his words that has Paloma’s chest tightening as he compares her to her mother.

“I miss her too.” Is how she responds, knowing that it was the underlying message in his statement. They don’t usually talk about Abilene Leighton. When they do, it’s when her father gets drunk enough to dote on his dead wife. He’s told her many stories from when they were young; how they met and what life was like before they found out she was pregnant with Paloma. So endearing to hear how her father talks about his wife, but she knows that he still holds resentment towards her from the way that she left this world. His world.

– suicide mention tw

Abilene had taken her life in their bathtub when Paloma was thirteen. Romeo had been the one to find her and he did everything in his power to make sure that his daughter did not see her mother in that state. Thankfully, his efforts succeeded and Paloma was left locked out of her parent’s bathroom while her father called for help and attempted to keep pressure on his wife’s wounds.

His efforts on that end, however, were useless since she had been dead long before he found her.

She lightly removes his hands from her cheeks and she leans in to hug him again, wrapping her arms around his torso and staying there for a few moments before peeling herself away.

“Go on now, daddy. I’ll be fine; I promise.”

Javier steps out of the small airplane that had flown him from Houston to Seminary. He grunts as his back muscles spasm when he stretches in attempts to ease some of the uncomfortableness from the trip. He wouldn’t consider his current age to be old but with all he had endured back in Colombia; he’s sure that shit aged him tenth fold. 

His meeting in D.C. had completely blindsided him. Javi was fully prepared to have his crimes be presented to him in great detail by the board and then rightfully suffer from the consequences of his actions.

Instead, he’d been approached by operations and asked about his knowledge of the Cali cartel. Apparently that was more valuable to them than his involvement with Los Pepes. He was reluctant to speak on it at first, knowing how the system works, but eventually he revealed every detail he could spare. Javier wanted to make sure that any and all information was relayed somehow, tired of keeping secrets.

Now whether said intel landed in the right hands or not was none of his concern.

The meeting concluded with Javier declining a DEA attaché position they offered in hopes of convincing him to help bring down the new cartel empire. Again, there was some hesitance at first, part of him yearning to be thrown back into the vicious land that was Colombia. 

Except this time, things wouldn’t go south like they had with Escobar.

He’d have the chance to do things right. By the book. See it all the way through.

It was tempting to accept, it really was, but ultimately; Javier is worn down and ready to close that chapter of his life. The drug war is never ending, when one kingpin falls others rise up. How many times would he have to go through the ringer until he finally decided that enough was enough?

Was he going to have to die on the job in order to separate from it?

He’s dedicated too many years to the treacherous field and now he supposes his only priority is to live the rest of his life content in being… him.

What ‘him’ looks like is a fucking mystery at the moment which is why he believes staying in Texas is his best option for the time being. For his peace. His sanity. It’s the least he could do, even if he doesn’t believe in being kind to himself.

Plus, there’s a certain singing brunette that may have persuaded him in his decision to stay.

The ride back into town is quiet; he turned down the radio to sit in his thoughts a little longer before arriving at the station. The first thing he notices when he pulls into the lot is how many vehicles are there: a contrast to how barren it usually is.

His brows pull into a frown as he parks, making sure he doesn’t look as exhausted as he feels before exiting his truck and walking into the building.

It’s not packed, per se, but it is a crowd that he’s not accustomed to seeing. Lorraine, who is usually reading a book or gossip magazine, is currently in a deep phone conversation at her desk so he can’t even ask her what the fuck is going on.

He spots the sheriff speaking with one of the deputies on the other side of the room, so Javier crosses it to make his presence known.

Once Romeo spots him, Javier sees the man let out a heavy sigh right before dismissing the officer and beckoning Javi to follow him into his office.

“What the hell did I miss?” He inquires, shutting the door behind him as Romeo rounds his desk and hands him a file.

“There was another murder. This time, local. Nina Thorton, twenty-six years old from Seminary. One of the guys found her body dumped by the swinging bridge.” Well shit, that didn’t take long. As unfortunate as it is— at least they have new facts and evidence to comb over to, hopefully, get a step closer to finding out who is responsible.

“This our person? Same M.O.?” Though his question is quickly answered as he reads the coroner’s report, then sees the official crime scene photos.

Multiple lacerations to her chest, blood covering the entirety of her torso and lower half of her face. He notes the environmental damage her body went through by the holes in her skin that had maggots and other grossly creatures inhabiting them. Not much different from the others, except this time…

“They took her fucking leg?” Javier can’t help how the words tumble past his lips, slowly sitting down in the chair across from Romeo’s desk as he continues to study the file in front of him. The photos are gruesome and disturbing. It takes a certain kind of evil to be able to pull this off.

He would know. Spent too much of his life chasing after evil.

“Did it postmortem. What got her was the puncture through the heart, just like the others.” That being the cause of death for all the victims has Javier thinking it’s intentional instead of it being a product of the stabbing frenzy this killer likes to indulge in.

“It’s a clean cut. Doubt they used the same weapon they stabbed her with to do it. Says here she wasn’t killed on site which means he or she could have a secondary location where the actual crime is committed. They’re evolving. But why take the leg?” He continues on, pulling out the pen and pocket sized memo book he carries around with him in case he has to jot down important information.

Romeo, however, stays silent; staring at the framed picture of Paloma that he keeps on his desk.

“Goin’ to tell the Thortons about their daughter was hell. Shoulda seen how devastated her mother was. Husband could barely pick her up due to his own shock. It was even worse when they had to come down here and identify the body. Imagine not bein’ able to explain why their daughter’s leg was sawed off.” His attention doesn’t waver from the photo on his desk and he exhales heavily.

Javier keeps quiet, still writing things down and not wanting to interrupt. This specific victim seems to be hitting the sheriff harder than the others.

“I keep thinkin’, what if it was Paloma instead of Nina? What would I do if it had been my daughter who was savagely murdered then dumped carelessly on the side of the road?” Romeo’s fingers flex into a fist before he releases, reaching over to tap out two cigarettes from the pack. One for him and Javier.

Javier leans over to accept it, letting the man light it for him. He swallows thickly at the mental image of Paloma in the state that Nina was found. He takes a deep and long drag of the cigarette, allowing the gray smoke to cloud that thought from his memory.

“Keep thinkin’ that way and you’re never gonna get shit done.” Javier puts it plainly with a gruff which Romeo appreciates, and that’s when his gaze meets Javi’s.

“Look, I know you’re here to help with the cases amongst other sheriff deputy duties but…” Javier feels a request about to be made, closing the file as he awaits to hear what the sheriff wants from him.

“I need someone to look after her. Things are only goin’ to get worse before they get better. I’m goin’ to get wrapped up here more than before... honestly I’d stick one of the guys on her but she’s made it very clear that she hates that, and between me and you… I don’t trust ‘em enough to look after her. Not how I trust you.”

They’ve only known each other for what, a month, Javi thinks, and this man is already entrusting him with his daughter’s life?

“You’ve got the experience. A decorated field agent. Trained up in Quantico. I’d feel a lot less worried if I knew you were the one keepin’ an eye on her. You’re free to tell me to fuck off and that babysittin’ a twenty-six your old ain’t part of your job but man, I would appreciate it more than you know.”

Javier leans to ash the cig, thinking over his words. His mind wanders to Helena and how he’d promised to keep her safe then she ended up being traumatized in the worst way imaginable.

Too many innocent people have died or been hurt on his watch, and that has him reluctant to agree to the request.

However, this could be the opportunity to right his wrongs and turn over that new leaf he keeps reminding himself of. Plus, they weren’t in the warzone that was Colombia under Escobar’s influence.

They were in the middle of Texas. Granted, dealing with their own shit but just as how his father had put it: it was shit that is much more manageable than the alternative. 

So Javier nods, agreeing to look after Paloma for the sake of her father. Or at least, that’s what he tells himself.

“I’ll handle it.”

The funeral arrives with a swiftness that catches Paloma off guard, leaving her little time to gather herself for the somber occasion. Outside, the sky hangs heavy with clouds, casting a pall over the day as if nature itself mourns alongside her. In Seminary, where rain is a rare occurrence, the dreary, ominous atmosphere adds an extra layer of melancholy. She can almost taste the impending rain in the air, a bittersweet reminder of the tears that will soon fall from the heavens.

Gazing into the mirror, she takes in her reflection, the calf-length, solid black dress she retrieved from the back of her closet clinging to her form beautifully, yet somehow it feels stifling. Her choice of classic Mary Janes graces her feet, and she opts for minimal accessories. As she stands there staring at her reflection, memories of the last funeral she attended— the one for her mother— come flooding back, casting a shadow over her already somber mood.

The vigil held the night prior was painful. She hasn’t felt this much sadness amongst the community in a long, long time. 

Swallowing the lump in her throat and returning to the present, she finishes getting ready, but it’s a sluggish process. She can’t even bring herself to skip out on the event, that’d only make her feel worse. 

She makes her way downstairs to where her father is waiting at the foyer of their home. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days, and it’s probably because he hasn’t. Ever since breaking the news to her about Nina, he’s been at the station nonstop. She’d only seen him last night at the vigil and then heard him come home in the early dawn.

The car ride to the church is quiet and tense, neither member of the Leighton family knowing what to say.

“Go find us a seat, I’ll be right in…” Her father mutters, handing her the bouquet of white lilies they had purchased at the grocery store on the way here. She nods and he places a kiss to the top of her head then walks away to converse with Javier.

Her eyes follow him the whole way, gaze lingering on Javier. They shared a brief conversation at the vigil last night, and while it was just a fleeting moment it had relieved a tinge of her sadness.

“Were you two close?” Javier murmurs softly, the delicate paper lantern dangling from his hand swaying gently as he draws nearer, his concern evident in his tender expression.

Paloma can’t help but also lean in, shrugging her shoulders and she brushes against him slightly. “Not really… she was always around though. Now she’s not.” She admits, her voice tinged with sorrow as she gazes down at her lantern, her heart heavy.

“M’sorry, sweetheart.” His voice filled with empathy as he reaches out to gently touch her arm, offering a comforting gesture amidst the poignant moment.

Paloma turns on her heel to enter the building when she catches a glimpse of a familiar man rounding the corner towards the back of the church.

It was one of the guys who had been with Sloane that day they met in the library months ago. For some reason, she’s tempted to call out after him but she bites her tongue to keep from doing so… because why on earth would she do that? Shaking her head, she exhales in exasperation and instead goes inside to find her and her father their seats.

Javier doesn’t do funerals. It’s one thing he’s been adamant about for as long as he can remember. They made him feel uncomfortable and not because his own mortality is put into question; but because of those that attend. 

The prolonged expression of grief is too much for him to bear. It ferociously digs at a vulnerable spot deep within his chest, surely a result of the post traumatic stress he suffers from. He hadn’t attended a single one back in Colombia; not even Carrillo’s. Despite that being the death that shook him the most due to his friendship with the Colonel, Javier quite literally could not stomach the idea of going. 

He couldn’t do that here, not when his presence is pretty much required. The church is stuffy and smells like incense. He’s tugging at his collar to keep himself from asphyxiating. The mahogany pews are glossy with varnish, sunless light from outside softly peeking through the large glass stained windows. It has been far too long since he’s been inside one of these— he’s surprised he didn’t combust into flames the second he stepped in.

Javier finds a spot at the back of the room, letting the people mourn in their own way and avoiding making eye contact. There’s soft murmurs that echo throughout the space, he can’t quite hear the conversations nearby but he’s more so focused on the body language of those in attendance; trying to spot any questionable reactions as he knows that a lot of murderers like to insert themselves into the events of their victims lives.

It’s why some even inject themselves directly into investigations, others going back to the murder or dump site. Anything to feel a slither of that high from committing their crime. Maybe the person they’re after now is similar in that regard, so Javier stays vigilant throughout the ceremony and continues to hang back as everyone files out to walk over to the cemetery where the burial will occur.

He spots Romeo and Paloma in the crowd, jaw tensing once he sees her tear stained face.

This is why he doesn’t do funerals.

Javi is on his way to follow behind the crowd after gathering nothing from the service, when he sees a guy around the same age as Nina lingering by the enlarged photo of her that is at the altar. He doesn’t make his presence known, instead watching the younger guy with careful eyes.

He doesn’t do much, just stares at the photo for a good, long minute before he turns to exit through one of the side doors.

Huh… could that have been a boyfriend? Family member? Friend? Javi jots down a brief description of the man and his first initial questions before joining the others at the cemetery.

This part is as wearying as the service, but he plays his part diligently. He stays out of the way and observes all the others as Nina’s casket is lowered into the ground. The rain that’s been brewing all day begins to fall softly and he reaches for his umbrella (for once being proactive enough to have brought it along with him) opening it and shielding himself from the weather.

A few more words are said, Nina’s mother a complete wreck as her husband struggles to hold her in his arms.

Javier lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, looking away and his fingers itch to have a cigarette between them but he doesn’t indulge in the vice just yet, wanting to show some respect to the family.

The crowd begins to thin out as the rain comes down heavier and he’s all but ready to head home and work himself into a migraine that he’ll nurse with coffee and cigarettes.

However, his intention to leave dissolves once he sees a lone figure standing in front of Nina’s grave.

It’s Paloma and she’s getting absolutely soaked by the heavy rain but it doesn’t seem to be bothering her.

His feet carry him over to her without him thinking about it, hovering his umbrella over the two of them as he walks up behind her.

“You’re getting rained on, querida.” His voice is soft, softer than it has been in a while but she doesn’t budge. Her stare is pointed at the hole in the ground that hasn’t been filled yet. Nina’s casket on full display.

“C’mon, let me get you back to your dad.”

“It’s just so sad.” Her own voice cracks and it sounds so meek; a complete contrast to how she usually is. “And… and that psycho took her leg...” She winces as she says this, wrapping her arms around her middle.

Javier feels like a fucking idiot, not knowing how to talk to her. It’s the same feeling he got when he saw her at the park where the vigil was held. “I’m sorry, cariño. I know it fuckin’ sucks…” He curses himself beneath his breath. That was worse than saying nothing at all.

This, somehow, gets a small laugh out of Paloma and it makes his heart swell.

“It does fuckin’ suck. We weren’t even close friends but… but she was still a person. She didn’t deserve to die… not like this.” She keeps her back turned to him, and Javier makes no effort to step out from behind her. He’s well aware that the instant he meets her gaze, those sorrowful yet enchanting brown eyes, he’ll find himself utterly undone.

“A girl’s dead… a family has been torn apart and here I am… being selfish and missin’ my momma.” The confession is another jab at that sore spot in his chest, the same spot that reminds him why he’s so apprehensive about funerals. A terrible thing to put someone who doesn’t know how to console around people who need to be consoled.

All Javier does is reach out and rest his free hand against her shoulder, feeling the wet material of her dress beneath his touch. Not a second later, she’s draping her own hand over his. A wordless exchange that seems to comfort the both of them.

Paloma shelves some of the returned books into their original spots, humming to herself lightly as she pushes the cart down the aisle she’s currently in. It’s a peaceful afternoon, three weeks since Nina’s funeral and she feels like she can breathe again.

She’s grateful to be working inside a building with air conditioning now that summer is in full swing. Sure, it does have the tendency to go out every now and again but for the most part— she’s kept cool. 

Paloma stops in her tracks once she’s at the front of the building, the book cart nearly empty but that isn’t much of a feat considering she’s got multiple stacks waiting for her back at the circulation desk.

Her eyes sweep across the expansive, sunlit expanse of the library’s main area, observing the scattered presence of a handful of patrons. Eventually, her attention is drawn to Javier, who’s doing a piss poor job of keeping his distance.

She still thinks of the kiss she’d left on his cheek all those nights ago after her show and the small moment they shared at the funeral. Paloma still thinks he’s hot, she still masturbates to him on occasion and she’s still pissed that he’s been ordered to watch her. 

How many times is she going to have to bitch to her father about how much she hates having his lap dogs follow her around? Even the hot ones?

Annoyance flickers across her features, evident in the subtle roll of her eyes as she maneuvers the cart down the carpeted ramp and toward the table where he sits. “So he reads too…” she murmurs, her tone laced with frustration. “Officer Peña, this is getting absurd. I’m tryin’ to work, for heaven’s sake,” she whispers once she’s within close proximity, mindful not to disturb the others nearby.

Since the funeral, Javier has been shadowing her every move around town. Whether she’s at work, enjoying a meal at the diner, or simply catching up at the bar to discuss her return to the stage; she can’t shake his presence. Through the window, she often spots him sitting in his cruiser across the street like a silent observer. And even when she steps outside, there he is, conveniently waiting with a cigarette in hand, ready to offer her a ride home.

Despite his dreamy appearance, Paloma consistently rebuffs his advances. However, that doesn’t deter him from lingering, seemingly undeterred by her refusals.

All that to say that wherever she turns: he’s there. 

Javier lowers the book he’s holding, peering at her over its edge with a smug grin, his eyes the only visible feature. “Y’know I’m just doin’ my job, miss.” He nonchalantly closes the book and places it on the table, casually shrugging and crossing his arms as he leans back in the chair. “You can keep workin’.” Javier adds, his tone dripping with self-assurance.

Paloma fucking hates the way her eyes drop down to his arms as he crosses them, the short sleeved, tight work shirt he wears is hugging him snug in all the right places. He looks divine in his casual clothing, that’s a no brainer, but something about him in uniform has her cunt clenching around nothing and that just irks her further.

Her hands rest on her hips, eyes narrowing. “No, I can’t just ‘keep workin’’. Not when I’m under surveillance like a fuckin’ criminal.” Accent is as thick as ever though she keeps her voice down to avoid other patrons hearing her cuss, “Can’t you just… drive ‘round the block or somethin’? I promise you I’m just fine. Daddy’s just paranoid.” While she understands that the murders are a big deal, especially in a town like Seminary, Paloma is more than capable of handling herself.

After all, her father had overseen all her self defense lessons growing up and she was a real good shot with whatever gun was put in the palm of her hand.

“Miss Leighton,” he begins with a patronizing tone, running his tongue over his teeth as he rakes his gaze up and down her body. His cut jaw works the gum in his mouth and each time it flexes, she can feel a pulse at her clit.

It’s clear that her stance brings him some amusement since she’s trying to appear intimidating but failing miserably. The smug look on his face says it all. “Maybe you should tell your daddy he’s paranoid.” He suggests with a mild shrug of his broad shoulders, “I’d rather sit here in the cool air than drive around wastin’ gas.”

Paloma snorts, running her fingers through her hair, “Won’t do a damn thing if I tell him. All my complaints fall on deaf ears.” She can’t help but complain and it’s true, her father is too prideful and hardheaded to change his mind about anything. Let alone anything that involves her.

“Mmm, pobrecita. How unfortunate.” He reaches for his book again, no intention of arguing with her any further, but Paloma stops him by placing her manicured hand on top of it, leaning in close enough to where she can smell the mint of his gum.

“Y’know what I think, Officer?” She tilts her head to the side, staring down at him. She notices the way his eyes begin to darken, emboldening her to press on, “I reckon you fancy tailin’ me ‘round town. It’s the highlight of an old man’s day, ain’t it? Keepin’ tabs on a pretty girl like me, day in, day out. I see why you’re so eager to be a yes-man to my father.” Now it’s her turn to patronize him, pursing her bottom lip out into a pout.

His gaze falls onto her pout then back up to meet hers before he speaks.

“I told you, princesa, my job is to keep beautiful girls like you safe. You might not like the methods but there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it. So, I’d suggest you get back to doing your job and leaving me to do mine.” His large palm wraps around the wrist of the hand that’s on his book, moving it away and giving him access to pick it up again.

She’s left almost in shock by the swift action, and suddenly she’s thinking of how his hands would feel wrapped around both her wrists while he pins them over her head and fucks into her. 

A blush creeps up her neck and onto her cheeks, but she doesn’t say anything else. Instead, Paloma snatches her hand back and returns to her book cart, turning away to leave the smirking asshole to read his book.

[proshippers-against-censorship]

Same anon that first expressed the para stuff- I cant, Find the post where it felt you were implying pro-c is under the umbrella of pro-para, and I'm genuinely unsure if you deleted it after getting my ask or if I just can't find it, I wanted to start from there so it's kindof hard to if I cannot find it, apologies.

And genuinely I apologize, I was a lot more harsh in that ask than I remember, I felt hurt and frustrated but I shouldn't have let it be so loud so instantly.

💬< this for if/when I remember to come back if I am allowed, so that I don't have to go "hey I'm ____ anon"

It's still there, I try not to delete stuff. I personally see doing that as hiding my tracks instead of acknowledging stuff, and I'm big on acknowledging and fixing my wrongs (and after you sent that ask, I did actually ask for feedback from paraphiles on my discord, though I should have done that here as well). I post a LOT on here, though, so it's probably just a bit buried.

I did imply that, but I think I could have worded it a bit better. I personally perceive being pro-para as being vehemently for all paraphilias regardless of contact stance, and while others don't, because of that perception I find it more comfortable to mark myself as neutral as well as putting a separate contact stance. That being said, though, it has been brought to my attention that marking para-health may be a better choice, and I will change that in my bio soon.

You are completely welcome to be here, and even if you didn't word things how you should have, I also don't always word things as I should have, and regardless, I appreciate you bringing the topic up to my attention in the first place. It's important to me that everyone (so long as they don't intend on hurting living beings) feels welcome here, and I can't do that without feedback.

You're wholly forgiven, rest assured, and I apologize on my own behalf for anything I've said that has inadvertently been insulting. I will do my best to keep from that in the future, and don't hesitate to point out if I slip up.

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

My favorite is when Yuu is from America (If they refer to it as USA Crowley might think it was some other academy) especially when it's combined with the great 7 parents, and once the great seven are in Yuu's head for a while and they start to feel protective of this strange child, and Yuu slowly sharing their horrible experiences all non-chalant because "this is really normal where I come from??"

Like if Yuu was from a northern state with air and water quality issues:

Yuu: Whoa, Look at at all the stars you can see out here! I don't think I've ever been able to see this many before!

Hades: ???... Ummm, Kid, Why are you acting like the stars aren't in the sky literally every night?

Yuu: Oh, Well back in my world there's so much light pollution that some people can go their whole lives without seeing any, in the city I lived in though you could see a couple if the air was good enough.

Ursula: The.. air?

Yuu: Well yeah, sometimes the air was filled with to much exhaust and smog and they would send out warnings to not travel and stuff, it was really boring -__-

And it would be so funny if when they get the sevens powers it's really because they won't seek medical attention

Yuu: *putting duct tape on their gashed cheek* See? Told I could fix it myself!

Jafar: No-

I could go on about this au forever I love it sm, I would love to see more with it, sorry i don't want to ramble ur work is amazing!

Nonono you don't understand this is my shit. I always think about how yuu would be from out world. Like I say this a lot but like imagine telling the octotrio about the pollution of our world.

Imagine telling malleus you have never seen stars before

Imagine telling Idia about the elephants foot??

Can you imagine when Lilia tells you stories of bloody history you fore back with things arguably worse like Unit 731*? Maybe even joking about horrible historical events?

Imagine the stories of fairies and cryptids both fascinating and insulting Sebek

Explaing to ruggie that animals from your woukd cannot talk nor be understood in the same way they can here

Explaining to any royal how most monarchies are down and frowned upon??

And depending on where you from can you imagine having to tell them to boil or check your water?? To watch the air for chemicals? To be cautious of radiation? Hell maybe even running from ambulances cause Yuu cant afford that right now! (It's like 10k in the US to give birth). Or even ask about attacks on schools?? Would probably be so alien to them

*an extremely fucked up experiment with extremely triggering topics, please use caution when researching it

[todayisafridaynight]

I largely keep to myself in fandoms, only picking up the odd friend here-and-there or joining a group chat if I'm feeling brave enough. But all of this Twitter talk is making me want to try engage with folks on the platform too! My only gripe isn't even surrounding the community, since you can curate your space like you said, it's the lack of organisation and the dreaded infinite scroll on pages. I adore Tumblr for how easy you can come back to a particular post you reblogged a long time ago, or venture through the tags on somebody's page... but it feels as though that's not possible on Twitter with how it operates. Are there any ways to get around this? 🤔

tl;dr - if you're trying to find a specific topic on someone's page, type 'topic (from:@Username)'

example: minedai (from:@Snapperoni)

if you're trying to save a post to look at later, you can either use twitter's own bookmark feature, or you can use your browser's bookmark feature

long ass unnecessary winded edition below the cut

twitter's less organized than tumblr since tumblr's meant for proper organizational blogging instead of status-update-type posts like twitter (even if its blog tag search system only decides to work depending on the phase of the moon on tumblr), so fundamentally its going to be a little more awkward with organization. there's some things you can do though, and it's not impossible: it's just a little extra work

in my experience it's a lot easier to just 'run into' new accounts and posts once your algorithm knows what you like and i prefer to use twitter that way for finding art or discussions im interested in. trusting the wind and all and the wind's done me well to show me excellent art.

you can help curate your algorithm by going into your Settings -> Privacy And Safety -> Content You See. you cant manually type in topics to add (you CAN save searches though if that's anything: it just means you dont have to type in the thing you want to search when you go to the search bar), but again once you start liking posts it'll start to recommend topics like 'Yakuza' that you can add. you can also remove topics you dont like once they show up in the list under Content You See -> Interests

another way around is to just search your interest (i.e. 'baseball') and just start liking/retweeting a bunch of posts and the algorithm will do the rest for your For You page. following accounts posting the topic you like also helps (obviouslylol)); searching terms on twitter is a fine way to see people post about a thing you like. its like tumblr in that it'll only show you posts that have the tagged word (i.e. 'minedai) in the actual post (i.e. 'if i think about minedai for more than three seconds im going to eat gravel')

at most for coming back to a post you like, you can use the bookmark feature: ive used it. A Lot. and True it gets harder to find older bookmarks as time goes on but for what it is it's been nifty for me. i dont exactly look at bookmarks any older than maybe a month at this point, so it doees its job fine for my needs. if you're on desktop and you really want to save a post without using twitter's bookmark feature, then you can always use your browser's own bookmark feature (i do that with tumblr posts sometimes. it's definitely easier to organize things that way but i also can see how it might appear cumbersome)

trying to find a specific post or type of post from someone's 50/50 though, like tumblr (because i repeat its tagging system is only so reliable sometimes). unless they use tags or you remember a particular phrase they put in the post (you can search specific terms, that including tags) then you just have to scroll i fear. other than that, if you search the term you want and the account youre trying to look through (i.e. minedai (from:@Snapperoni) then it should show up: if anything, twitter's more reliable in actually showing you the post you're looking for so long as you have the term typed correctly

and ermmmm yeah i think thats all i got LOL. best of luck to using twitter

[ask--eggman]

hey, im sorry if this is a sensitive topic but i cant stop thinking about it, do you recal your attempted suicide bombing in station square? do you recall what drove you to suicide? it must have been somthing awful if it pushed somone as brave and as strong as you to take your own life.. did anyone at all try to reach out? i doubt any of those so-called "herros" tryed to offer suport to somone undergoing sutch agony, again, you dont have to respond if you dont want to, but i truly want to know, and im shure the whole empire will suport you in whatever you were or are going through :)

I'm never one to lose hope and determination and give into defeat but that was just a time when it all got to me. I work so hard to accomplish my goals and put so much time, effort and passion into my plans but something comes along and ruins it, again and again. On that particular day, I'd finally reached my capacity for the disappointment, anger and stress. Not just for that day but for my entire lifetime.

Anyone else inferior and weaker than me would be broken down by failure much more often and much sooner, than the one time it pushed me too far. It wasn't really a conscious decision more than something that hit me in the spur of the moment. At first I just thought I'd at least blow Station Square up if nothing else. There would be some catharsis in that blue pest still not succeeding in saving their pathetic lives.

Oh but then of course the missile had to be a dud. Of course even that couldn't go right. So I just thought "Oh, fuck it all", and went to detonate it by hand. I knew I was going to die and I was going to happily take the whole city with me. Once I'd made my mind up, I felt happy, I had a blast trying to race Tails to that missile. I found myself begging for him to wait for me when he was ahead.

It was something to be determined to accomplish again, one I was sure nobody could ruin this time. One last glimmer of hope to succeed in something, one last thrill racing across the city in my Egg Mobile onward to destruction, then I'd be free from ever having to experience failure again. I'd go out having accomplished one part my plan of destroying Station Square, even if I didn't get to build the empire I always dreamed of.

I was tired of being the one who it all ended in destruction for, I wanted others to experience that devastation. For once, I wanted it to end with their destruction and my success and it seemed like the only way. But I obviously lost that race because here I am today. Well, that snapped me out of it and so I went back to trying to kill the little pest Tails who stopped me, since he's the one that actually deserves death really.

Nobody reached out to me and I didn't expect them to. They're used to breaking down everything I build and waiting for the next time I get back up to try to bring me down again and the cycle repeats. It's always just me alone to pick myself up and keep fighting in the end. But I don't need anyone else. I know if I keep at it, I'll succeed. So I try my hardest to fight to accomplish my dreams and not let my mind slip back into that place.

Anyway, enough about that.

The way I still came back from that and have only become stronger and more successful and determined over time just further proves my power! It's another of the many reasons why I deserve to have all of your support, admiration and praise and be your mighty emperor! So that's to be expected, you wouldn't have a choice either way, hehe~

[svechnikovvv]

moving forward

pairing: trevor zegras x fem!reader

warnings: profanity, shitty father

summary: new beginnings

a/n: can we all appreciate this gif of z? but holy fucking shit. we reached 400 followers??? already???

gif creds: @mattymartin

masterlist: here

my dad was one of those dads where dating was forbidden for me. if i even mentioned the topic of dating, he’d shut me down immediately.

so when he found the polaroid of trevor and i in my room, he was livid.

***

i was walking around campus, enjoying the scenery when i get a string of messages from my dad.

where are you?

get home

right now.

i was freaking out. i don’t know what i did this time. it’s always like this with him. constantly walking on egg shells because he’s so hard to please. nothing i do satisfies him. he’ll always find something to be mad about with me.

i rush home, because i know if i don’t get there in record time, my ass is screwed. luckily, campus was ten minutes from home, so my drive is short and quick.

i head inside the house, scared for what’s to come.

“dad?” i call out and i walk into the living room and see him sitting on the couch, staring at the coffee table in front of him.

“sit down” i take a seat on one of the recliners and i’m looking at him, anxiously waiting.

“mind telling me what this is?” he nods his head at the coffee table and i see a polaroid picture. but not just any picture. it’s a picture i took of trevor and i where he’s kissing my cheek.

“how’d you get that?”

“answer my question first.” his tone raises and i scoff, which throws him for a loop. i wasn’t one to really fight back with my father because i know how awful he can get when angry, but my room is my room.

“no. my room is my privacy. you shouldn’t be in there in the first place.”

“what have i told you about dating?”

“you can’t constantly control every aspect of my life. you’ve done that for the past 20 years and i hate it.”

“then leave.”

“i cant! i have a savings account for college that you won’t let me access. i could be living on fucking campus right now, but noooo, i have to live here with you! you just can’t stand not being in control, can you?” i scoff and grab the picture, heading up to my room.

***

i‘ve locked myself in my room and i’ve been in here just sitting on my bed for the past hour. staring at the ceiling wondering why i have to put up with this everyday. i then hear three taps on my window. i get up and walk over to it, opening my blinds and seeing trevor standing on my little balcony i had. i open the window, looking around frantically. i usher him inside and tell him to be quiet.

“you shouldn’t be here.” he places a hand over his heart and gasps.

“that’s no way to greet your boyfriend.” i sniffle and shake my head.

“seriously, trev. i don’t want something to happen to you.” his demeanor changes and he cups my face with his hands.

“babe, hey, talk to me. what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” he’s looking at me intently and i just shake my head.

“dad found out about you and i.” he pulls me into a hug and cradles me to him.

“it shouldn’t matter what he says, right? he’s a prick and his first marriage didn’t last. so who is he to judge us?” he then pulls apart and wipes away the tears from under my eyes. “listen to what i’m about to say, okay?” i nod

“i don’t care what your dad thinks of me or us. i want you. all of you. the highs and the lows. i’m in it for the long haul. so screw what he thinks. he’s breaking you, baby. and it hurts my heart to see it. you’re this ray of sunshine and i can see you’re slowly starting to dull. for that, i resent him. i love you so much.”

i stare at trevor and wonder what i ever did to deserve him.

“move in with me.” he says and my eyes widen

“won’t that mess with your hockey career?” i sniffle and he quietly laughs and shakes his head.

“you could never mess with me. it’d be more encouragement, actually. because then, i’d have someone to look forward to coming home to. it’s not even a home, actually. not without you.” i smile and he smiles back.

“yeah.” he perks up

“yeah?” i nod and he picks me up, spinning me around. he gently places me back on the ground and gives me a deep kiss. then we pull apart and just stare at one another for a second.

“now, i believe we have some packing to do?”

tags: @goldenbrokenheart @woodruff-edwards @hockeyboysarehot @ajbird2010 @hughesx3 @hannahh01938 @theywantedplayer @k1ttyt3ar

a/n: we could all use a trevor

[anonymoushotsexyperson]

This post on twitter PISSED me off and I can't stop thinking about how no one cares about their friends anymore! SOOO here's a blog post about it.

LIKE ALWAYS THE BIG BOLD PURPLE TEXT ACTS AS STAMPS TO BREAK THE READING UP INTO SMALLER SECTIONS TO ACCOMMODATE THOSE WITH SMALLER ATTENTION SPANS WHO ARE MORE INTRIGUED IN ONE PIECE OVER THE ENTIRE POST! ^-^

Reading everything is encouraged though!

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO CREATE THE LEVELS OF COMRADERY NEEDED TO OVER THROW THE GOVERNMENT IF YOU MOTHA FUCKAS CANT FIND THE SPACE TO TEXT YOUR FRIENDS BACK?? BESTIE BE SO FUCKING FORREAL!:

(THIS section is a little bit off topic from the rest but I can't HELP but mention it.) I think we should all start doing what the original poster did with our friends to be honest. We need to make space for our feelings and expectations in our friendship. Like learn how to fucking leave space for your community. I may have wrote about this before if not I will def be writing about it soon but the lack of community building and intimate friendship skills in gen z is so harmful in so many ways. Not only does it create this 'loneliness epidemic' ( if you're anything like me you've watched a million YouTube video essays on) but dude... DO YOU THINK ROSA PARKS JUST GOT ON THAT DAMN BUS HER DAMN SELF ON A RANDOM ASS DAY AND IT STARTED A REVOLUTION???? NO. They organized that! IT WAS AN ACTIVIST GROUP WHO DID IT AND PLANNED IT! How do you think black activism was able to prevail through the racist ass civil rights movement? COMMUNITY BUILDING AND GRASS ROOTS ORGANIZING AND GIRL LOOK AT THE STATE OF THE WORLD WE COULD USE THAT RIGHT NOW !

"SOMETIMES YOUR FRIEND IS DEPRESSED" IS AN EXPLANATION NOT EXCUSE (DONT SHARPEN ANY PITCHFORKS YET JUST LISTEN):

NOWWWW listen, I know we are all at our own pace with interpersonal relationships I get that, I can already hear the "Sometimes your friends can be depressed though so maybe YOU should consider that" crowd grabbing their pitchforks but, dude. Especially if you're an adult, you need to learn how to master these obstacles in certain situations. I know this sucks so bad and its unfair but your relationships are still half your responsibility hurting someone because you weren't mentally well still hurt them. I know this better than fucking anyone as someone who has borderline and had to come to terms with that myself. It's an annoying and unfair and hard truth but once you admit it to yourself you can become a better companion. We all have things going on but the people in your life deserve the respect of you at the least attempting to communicate on why you're not upholding the level of intimacy you have set for yourself with said person. Next section are two fairly easy skills to help manage your mental health but be a good friend. ALSO if you're doing the things in the next section with them and your friends still is an ass about it because they don't like the compromise you were able to give or whatever DO be mindful that the relationship is half their responsibility too. Friends should be able to leave space for their mentally ill friends (if they're being properly communicated to and their needs are also being taken into account) that can look like patience understanding and willingness to compromise or lending a helping hand or shoulder to cry on, meeting you where you're at. And if they can't do that after you extend that communication or compromise to them maybe you guys shouldn't be close friends who expect those things from one another or possibly not friends at all but thats up to you to choose!

A TIP FOR YOU DEPRESSED BITCHES :

( I use bitch and hoe as terms of endearment I love my depressed shawty baes)

You bad at communicating and you about to ghost all your friends? Well before you do or better yet when you're in a healthy state of mind tell them thats a problem you have and if its a friend you're really close to who might still need reassurance when you go ghost try to come up with some compromise like "I will still go ghost in the sense that I won't communicate but ill send memes I see to let you know your on my mind!" or "I will do a week/ monthly check in with you but thats all I have the energy for." (remember not to abuse these strategies though! throughout your journey of healthy confrontation you will learn how to discern between whether or not you are using them because you genuinely need them in that moment or if its because you are closing yourself away from the world a toxic amount and need to face your feelings around and with other people)

A TIP FOR YOU HOES OUT THERE WHO HAVE TROUBLE COMMUNICATING :

Muster up the strength to say or set up something like this maybe before you enter that state of mind while you're still in the good place! "hey I have a habit of doing ____ if i'm not in a good place. So when you text me I will text back this same funny meme or tiktok etc as a symbol to let you know i'm in I wanna die mode!" this is a way to communicate to your close friends that you're in a bad headspace at the moment and can't give much energy to the friendship without really having to say anything besides the first time you bring it up if you're uncomfortable all you have to do is send that meme or maybe emoji etc! (Make sure you aren't abusing this strategy to avoid working on your communication issues though because that can regress your communication abilities and friendships even further this is something you will learn and determine for yourself through trial and erorr)

Remember both of these sections are first steps but we also wanna work on being able to compromise SOMETIMES when we haven't left the bad place yet but I know many of you aren't ready for that. SO I won't scare y'all away.

OVERALL TAKE/ CLOSING STATEMENT:

Maybe you're someone who genuinely can't maintain close intimate friendships with sensitive people and maybe i'm wrong here and this might offend you but in most cases I believe thats not true. A lot of people are just scared of sensitivity and emotions. A lot of people are fed up with life and won't allow themselves to push passed their own imaginary limits to open up the can of worms that truly is making and maintaining intimate friendships.

The truth is a lot of us ARE sensitive, but we make ourselves smaller for all the people we love because "they have other stuff going on". I can't help but think if you agree with the qrt or had an 'its not that deep' reaction thats the qualities of being a bad friend (and its not your fault because within especially western individualist culture and patriarchal culture thats what we are taught to be but UNLEARN it).

Also I understand being traumatized by someone who was really sensitive and didn't know how to communicate and they became abusive, I also understand that having a sensitive friend again after that can be triggering. I'm so sorry that happened to you. BUT I hope you don't let your abuser take away this learning experience from you because healthy confrontation once learned is such a beautiful thing. ALSO healthy confrontation doesn't mean devoid of any emotion or things that make you uncomfortable don't expect people who are upset at you to shit sunshine and fart rainbows but its important to make sure you're NOT being verbally abused either. (I will make a post soon about healthy confrontation soon and what that looks like). Hey i'm not saying the original poster had the healthiest response either (im pretty sure the kms thing was meant to be a self deprecating joke not actual emotional manipulation keep that in mind) but it is a natural response to being hurt and more than likely the type of response you give after multiple offenses not just one thing. That is the behavior of someone who's felt ostracized for a while. I would not in any way shape or form consider it an abusive response though yeah it makes you uncomfortable, which circles me back around to the beginningof this. Stop making yourself smaller for the people you love, it's okay to make things uncomfortable by mentioning your feelings because they need to learn to be comfortable with talking about things.

If you continue to make yourself smaller for the people you love, one day you will look around you and you will see all the people you love, but you won't see the people who love you and... that? THAT is pain.

so reader, what do you think? Leave a comment even if you disagree! I genuinely wanna know.

[goose-duck]

Cars are confusing 🚗

One piece story about Sabo trying to get his old car put in Luffy's name from Ace's point of view as a tag-along

+slight romance (not between asl obviously, they're brothers, but I've seen some odd stuff so I gotta clarify 😭)

Modern AU (obviously)

~~~~~~

Ace's POV:

I'm sitting in the back of the car, Sabo and Luffy are in the front. I'd be in the front but Sabo doesn't trust my driving and Luffy beat me to the passenger seat. We're currently going to get Sabo's old car put in Luffy's name since he got his full license a few weeks ago and Sabo agreed to give him his car once he does.

On the way there Sabo complains about one of his co-workers who always comes to work drunk. I add my own input, I don't like the guy either, so it's mostly insults towards him. Luffy, strangely enough just sits and listens, he must be tired, it is kinda early, 9:00 in the morning on a weekend.

After a while we get onto the topic of this boy Luffy likes. His name is Law, luffy talks about him like no one else matters, like this man is the sun on a cloudy day. It's cute, I'm happy he's found someone he can love and by the sounds of it, someone who loves him all the same.

Eventually we get to the insurance place. We park across the street, me and Luffy get out while Sabo grabs the papers. We walk in and Sabo immediately recognizes someone there, her name is Koala, they seem close. She's currently working with another client so they just say a quick hello before we all sit down and wait.

An older lady comes out to talk with us about getting Luffy's name put on the car. Sabo and the lady talk for a while and they ask Luffy some questions. I'm not really paying attention as I only tagged along to go to the mall after they sort this out. I play music tiles on my phone for a while until Sabo tells us we have to go to the DMV. Luffy groans knowing it's a bit of a drive to get there, I just sigh a bit, already regretting tagging along as just their conversation here took 20 minutes.

After a long drive we finally get to the DMV. I wonder why they don't just have the two places side by side, it'd be much easier.

We walk into the building, Sabo goes straight to a receptionist with the papers and they start talking. Me and Luffy stand behind him, Luffy not knowing what's going on and me not overly caring. We stand here for a solid 10 minutes before Sabo has to call the insurance place because apparently we needed to do more stuff there first and the old lady sent us off prematurely.

Sabo is put on hold for 15 minutes before he gives up and tells us to just sit and wait a bit and he'll try again. Good timing because I was about to fall asleep standing up. Luffy promptly sits down, pulling out his phone to watch tiktoks. I sit beside him and lean back in my seat a bit, closing my eyes and sighing. Sabo sits across from us and apologizes that it's taking so long. I tell him not to blame himself for other people's mistakes before letting myself relax again.

I start chatting with Luffy about Law again, wanting to know more. Luffy tells me a lot, about how they were close in grade 9 then this girl kept harassing Law and being lovey with him anytime Luffy was around and how that drove the two apart because it made it awkward and difficult for Law to be around Luffy. Luffy said this continued and is still happening but that Luffy and Law finally have a class without her and they've been able to be close again. I let out a sigh or relief knowing that that girl isn't causing as much trouble now, even if it's only because she literally cant. It's just unfortunate that that means they spent about a year completely split apart by her as they're now in grade 11.

Sabo suddenly grabs my foot. He tells me he loves my shoes and asks where I got them. I tell him I got them at Ardene and he asks how much they cost. I told him I got them on sale but that I'm pretty sure the sale is over now, but that at the time they were $12.99. he tells me that sounds like a good deal and that he's going to go buy himself some even if they aren't on sale. I tell him to just be sure he doesn't mistake his shoes for mine and Luffy butts in saying Sabo's feet are too big for us to mix up out shoes. Sabo makes an offended face which is quickly cut off by a phone call from the insurance place. Sabo picks up quickly and starts talking with the person on the line. Sabo start to get up, signaling us to get up and follow him back to the car.

Sabo hangs up the phone and gets in the car with an exasperated sigh. Me and Luffy also get back in the car asking what's up. Sabo tells us that we have to go back to the insurance place and that Luffy's gonna have to sign a bunch of papers. Luffy seems annoyed that he has to sign papers while I'm just concerned that anyone will even be able to read his handwriting.

Eventually we get back to the insurance place and walk in again. This time we're greeted by a very attractive man, I can feel myself blushing at the sight of him. Luffy playfully punches me and wiggles his eyebrows, he so knows I think this guy's hot. Sabo starts talking to him as he leads us to a room, sitting behind the desk and inviting us to sit down on the other side. Sabo sits but me and Luffy both opt for standing as Luffy doesn't like to sit still and I just didn't feel like sitting after all of the driving we did.

The man says his name is Marco, what a nice name for such an attractive man...i hope he's single. Luffy keeps making faces at me while Sabo talks with Marco. Luffy signs some papers and answers some questions. Eventually Luffy says that the room is kind of barren and that Marco should put up some pictures, maybe of bands or maybe of his girlfriend. I see what he's doing, trying to see if this guy is even single, nevermind if he's into men. The guy says he's sure his girlfriend would like that. I get a little sad but don't let it show as ultimately it isn't a big deal. Luffy gives me a look and I glare at him a bit. Sabo adds onto Luffy's comment by saying Marco should put flowers around the picture of his girlfriend and I add that he should put little lights with it too, reminiscing on the time when I was in grade 9 and we had a teacher that looked just like Edd Sheeran and we made a small shrine of Edd Sheeran in his class room.

After all of that we finally leave, Sabo telling us we can finally go to the mall. Luffy states that he's excited to go to the candy store. I tell Sabo I want to go to the furniture store and get some new pillows for my bed. Sabo just giggles at the both of us saying he's going clothes shopping. I then remember my shoes that Sabo was so fond of and joke that he's going to go buy himself some. He gives me a look and simply states, "yes." before we get in the car and he drives off to the mall.