#and it always comes back. i cant be myself because of the topic. it always comes back.

[todayisafridaynight]

plane scene is so funny cause why is mine a sleeper agent that wakes up whenever daigo is mentioned

can’t wait to see it in dragon engine :3

mine has been the winner for Funniest Character Imaginable for 15 consecutive years and i have yet to see anyone come close i fear

[heyitslapis]

Even when I thought we had boundary of just friends, she confuses me.

I tell myself to ignore it. That it's just a game for her and that she really is just comfortable with me as a friend.

But we all went out Sunday night (you, me & Sam). You asked us again if Sam & I were still "not a thing." We both told you the truth (for like the 10th time): we're not a thing. There's no sort of situationship or anything like that. We're just friends.

**((also I fucked up one of my tags I meant to say that Alice told buddy boy that I threatened to kill *him* again, not that I threatened to kill her. He sounded really serious when he said "i promise v, im leaps and bounds better than anyone shes had before. I would never hurt her." I said "Oh, im sure. Its because thats who you are Ty. Thats what you and I do. We protect people." I'll be so honest yall i was crossfaded as fuck because i was running iff 3 hours sleep & literally no food almost the whole day leading up to our outing. NOT doing that again jfc))**

[calpalsworld]

I really want to find some way to fix the problem but that desire is my compulsion (?) and it never actually fixes the problem. I tell myself to drop it and focus on other things like my art, but I just wish I could fix it now. The only way I can fix it is through ignoring it. And that will take time. (but also it feels unsafe to ignore it, because i feel like it is a real issue even though its probably not a real issue).

[crushedsweets]

What if Toby was the older sibling instead of Lyra....

And he's tryna get money for a apartment so they both can move out but then the crash happens.... -💀

anon do you understand what this just did to me. CW for grief and briefly implied abuse

i just got off of work n its getting late so its pretty messy and incoherent and mostly just me thinking to myself . . . also i end up talking about normal/younger brother toby for half of this anyway cuz no self control or direction.

i imagine younger brother toby already feels a ton of guilt from the crash. i cant remember if this was canon, but i HC he blames himself for a ton of reasons. she was driving him home from a doctor appointment, he thinks slendy mightve been involved cuz of him, he just cant remember if maybe he had a tic and thats what startled her, if it all comes down to him, if he just asked mom to pick him up instead, if he got a damn bus, anything else

so the idea that he's older. HE'S THE ONE DRIVING COME ONNN. he's driving her to school or something. man.

obviously tobys a protective person, but i imagine it comes tenfold towards a little sister. and it would fucking KILL him that 1. he couldnt always protect her at home because he was trying to work enough to get them out of there 2. his own driving is what took her life.

this is half on topic to your ask but. in my AU, around age 13 toby started being a menace and incredibly unfairly cruel to lyra (needless insults, taking her stuff, arguing with her) because he had so much pent up rage. and lyra always tried to give back kindness, and eventually (a yr or so later) toby calmed down and got close with her again .

so. realistically, if toby were older, he'd still have an asshole phase. but i like to think its more in the like. "leave me the fuck alone" way rather than trying to have some power. and he'd eventually get over it and realize he's gotta pull it together for her because she's even more scared and powerless than him and it sucks and she needs someone to be there for her .

however, i think after her death, the guilt he'd feel from even having that sorta asshole phase with her would EAT HIM ALIVE.

i dunno. this entire dynamic hurts my soul. please give the rogers siblings joy for once.

[volturiprincess]

Rain

Demetri Volturi x human mate reader

Summary: Reader gets overwhelmed with stress and he's there to support her Warnings: mentions of an anxiety attack, but mostly fluff A/N: Omg someone stop me😁, another one-shot post?? I had to write this because as I was taking my breaks I would work on this, its not proofread but the idea of Demetri calling the reader Spanish nicknames is a must have but throw rainy weather into the topic and muah *chefs kiss*. Enjoy and there will be a second A/N in the end. A little translation for my non-Spanish speakers: Mi cariño: dear or darling Mi vida: My life Princessa: princess Mi amado hermoso: My beautiful lover

(I cant believe it took me a while to write a Demetri one-shot)

I burst through our shared room in a panic state and I saw my lovely mate on his special chair. Before I could even react he was already wrapping his arms around me and cuddling me into his chest. I felt the build up tears I was holding back cascade down my cheeks. Demetri was rubbing my back in comfort and I heard him mumble

“Mi cariño, let it all out, I know you need this”

I sure did need this, all of today I was working on a project for a class and I ended up deleting about half of it and couldn't recover it at all. I always threw my computer out the window but instead I stared at the blank page that was staring back at me with what I could assume was mockery. I did manage to remember a good amount of what I had done and it's back to how it is, but I spent a while in a state of shock and denial.

Suddenly I felt myself shaking physically, my heart increase in palpitation and worst of all I could feel my breath becoming shorter. Demetri picked up right away that I was dealing with an anxiety attack and he guided me toward the balcony to the fresh air and the light rain. 

“Mi vida, look its raining, you love the rain, hey look at how pretty it looks”

I turn my head to be able to face the scenery instead of his very well built chest to see how soft and calming it is currently. I told Demetri before that I love the rain, it's my personal safe haven other than his arms. I felt my trembling and shaking diminished slightly, my heart rate started to slow down to a more reasonable way but my breathing was still a problem.

I felt him tilt my head up so I was looking at him and my breath for a minute hitch, he looked breathtaking right now. There were small droplets of rain running down his face which caused his hair to stick to his forehead and his eyes were full of adoration. He looked beautiful at that moment, well he always looks beautiful, I heard him one time arguing with Felix and he ended the conversation with “Dont hate me because im beautiful”. 

I smiled at the memory and soon enough he had a look of curiosity with a matching smile

“What's got you smiling like that princessa?”

“I was just think about your statement to end an argument with Felix, the don't hate because i'm beautiful”

His laughter filled the gloomy atmosphere that the rain created, his laugh sounding like music to my ears. One of his hands started to caress my cheek gently, his coldness immediately sending a small shiver down my spine but also somehow started to steady my breathing.

“Look at you princessa, your doing so good in breathing, such a good girl”

I blush at the praise which he never fails to miss, he knows what praises from him does to me, many thoughts come to mind but I push them away for now since I am still recovering from the earlier events.

“Do you want to talk about it/”

“My computer decided to throw me a whole 360 today”

“A whole 360? Im sorry cariño, but you need to explain that to me”

I giggled at his dumbfounded look, it's always fun to be able to still catch a vampire as old as him off guard with my modern language “Right forgot your like a million years old, I was working on a project today for one of my classes on my computer and I accidentally deleted like half of it but like I barely started it so it was no big deal because I remember what I had so far but it was just so frustrating you know”

He continued to caress my cheek as he nods along to my explanation 

“And it just so stressful in thinking I have so much to do still before this week ends and I feel like I have done what I needed to do but its not enough still and and—”

He placed his finger on my lips to silence me and I tiled my head to the side from curiosity, this is new. His signature smirk spread onto his face at my reaction

“Sorry love, but you started to spiral into chaos and as much as adore to hear you ramble, I started to feel stress myself from your stress”

I looked down in embarrassment but he tilted my head up once again 

“Hey don't be embarrassed cara, it's good for you to talk about what stresses you out, better out and in you know?”

“Your right metri”

“Now care to have a dance with me in the rain then?”

Whining at his request, even if that has secretly been a dream of mine to do “Demi you know i'm not even a good dancer, heck I don't even know how to”

“But that's the fun part princessa, I can teach you and we will be dancing in your favorite type of weather”

“Fair point”

As the rain intensified slightly, he guided my moves with such elegance that I almost felt like I myself am an expert to begin with. The rain at that moment was not a bother, my main focus was my casanova of a vampire that I call mi amado hermoso.

A/N: You know I don't know why I haven't added any Spanish nicknames to my writings, but I will in future (I feel like Demetri would just know all of the most romantic languages). I know I mentioned this in my Alec one-shot but I am working on a Caius one, its a work in progress indeed maybe in the end of this week I might have part one done, who knows?

[yueichihara]

Choose me.

◇Summary: Caleb and Zayne are more than just people you know, they're your childhood friends. The stories you share, the bonds that tie you together, remain. Regardless of anything that's happened, your love for them will always be there. Your feelings are clear, there was never a choice to make.

◇Content warnings: female!mc | fluff | angst | jealousy | jealous caleb | messaging and text style | mc x zayne | caleb = calbe | zayne = mr elsa |

Edit: posting the rest of the story now that I have the time to make it readable here, also adding the 'zayne x mc' tag because of obvious reasons!!! I might or might not be writing a caleb version. It depends on something I'm writing 'you x caleb' sooo.... don't get your hopes up just in case. Btw, the 'x chat' is there to guide the reader, mc gets them mixed up.

calbe chat:

calbe: what time did ya say you had to leave, again?

You: lemme check

around 5pm give or take

calbe: gee that means we have like… 3hs tops if i have to get all the way to the hotel to leave my stuff

You: yeh

calbe: remind me again why i cant leave it at your apt???

You: already told you i’m not staying home today and the padlocks at the building are being fixed i have to use the physical key for a few days its a pain in the ass

calbe: k anywaysssss did ya see yesterday episode of colour your life?? newt actually confessed to mike??? You: ikrrr!!!!!! like i totally thought he would bt nt riht in fron t of lindsay calbe: yo calm down you’re shitty typing again You: you know what i meant calbe: typing…

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

mr elsa chat: mr elsa: Guess what. You: what mr elsa: Guess You: 😒 okay then but what do i get if i guess correctly mr elsa: Isn’t the satisfaction of knowing me well, enough for you? You: no but okay then... you found those ginger and honey candies the old lady in the yellow house used to give us back in the day the ones we talked about last time mr elsa: Well, look at you. Sharp as an ice stalactite. You guessed right You: yasss wait please tell me you bought enough for me too mr elsa: Of course. I’ll give them to you when we meet tomorrow.

Trying to be the best friend possible, you’d been frantically arranging schedules between Caleb and Zayne. You had set the date for meeting Zayne last week when he told you he was free, but then Caleb called you to tell you he would be coming for a visit before a long trip. There was no way you would miss seeing any of them when it was such a hassle to coordinate. This was one of the things you hated about being a working adult: meeting with the people you cared the most about was nearly impossible.

It wasn’t even your day off. You had to talk to one of your teammates to trade with his own. Meeting Zayne was alright because it was in the evening, but Caleb would be arriving around noon and leaving on the same day. Time was gold.

You’d have loved to have them both together so that you could spend more time with both, but things were complicated. You couldn’t even remember the last time you saw them talk to each other. It was such a long time ago…

A quack sound brings your attention back to your phone.

calbe chat: calbe: but honestly same also i didnt think mike’s dad would support their relationship he’s such an old dated dude

Chuckling to yourself, you type back.

You: lmao yeah but that part was so cute such a pity lindsay is such a bitch wine stains are not easy to wash off a white shirt calbe: lol did you spill wine on yourself or smth? You: not on myself but 

You hesitate before your next message. Zayne’s topic has been kind of taboo with Caleb, you can’t seem to figure out why, though. Even when you were all little, they seemed to bicker all the time, but they also had moments when they would make each other laugh. Nostalgia is a recurring feeling whenever you think of both of them. Yet, deep inside, you know it will never be the same again. Not after everything that’s happened.

But you can’t bring yourself to lie to Caleb, he’s your best friend after all.

You: last month i accompanied zayne to a charity event i accidentally tripped over my own two feet spilled the red wine all over him it was a disaster calbe: accompanied? lol  is he your child i wish i was there you could have washed it with my tears after laughing so hard  You:dudeee do you have any idea how much it was to remove that stain!? calbe: you could have just bought a new one You: great minds think alike cause thats what i did calbe: we should test our telepathy powers next time i’ll get a plushie at the claw machine and you have to guess if it was the one i wanted You: no wayyyy you could easily cheat that way calbe: i’ll write it down then You: yeah, but i’ll be the one to keep the note i can’t trust you calbe: typing…

Releasing a sigh, you release the tension that was building in your shoulders. Now, that was easy. Another quack interrupts you and you open the text bubble.

mr elsa chat: him: But what do I get in return? You: you can keep the plushie and if i win you have to buy me the limited edition mr beanie beanie!!! him: typing…

Changing screens, you open the ‘Linkon City Tourists Attractions’ article you were reading previously, not paying attention to the names on your chat’s bubble. You and Zayne had once talked about how little of Linkon you actually knew, your jobs making it almost impossible to visit new places. So now that you were both a little bit more free, you decided to challenge yourselves, touring the city and its most interesting places. 

Another bubble pops up.

calbe chat: him: I’m a very trustworthy person. You: certainly, you are ill have to repay you for your kindnessssssss how bout we visit that patisserie we saw on the news last time a colleague gifted me some coupons  she said their macarons taste like heaven him: typing…

Waiting for a response, your stomach suddenly growls. Blocking your phone, you make your way to your kitchen. Notifications keep coming in, but you focus on the task at hand, too hungry to care for anyone right now. 

When dinner’s ready, you sit on the couch and put on your favourite show. Taking your phone again, you open Zayne’s chat.

mr elsa chat:

mr elsa: ? Sure, if that’s what you want.  Sounds cute. You: it is!! saw some pictures of the place on their page it’s got a huge patio and a jasmine's garden we should totally take loads of photos there mr elsa: Okay? You: whats the question mark forrrrr i’m sure you’ll love it remember the time, yeah? mr elsa: Nothing. Yes, tomorrow 6pm.  😊 You: at the plaza anyways gotta go, my novela is starting mr elsa: Okay, see you tomorrow. Don’t stay up too late or else you’ll be nodding off the whole date. You: i will not!! mr elsa: *day You: goodnight mr elsa: Goodnight

You feel heat creep up your neck at his typo, wishing deep down he hadn’t corrected it. It was hard to keep a straight face whenever Zayne did something that could easily be misinterpreted. Sometimes you were sure he was coming onto you. But some other times, you were forced to bump into a wall of ice, impenetrably cold. You knew you had to bring it up sooner or later. For your own mental wellbeing.

Changing chats, you go back to Caleb’s, a long string of deleted messages leaving your previous conversation way too far into the ether.

calbe chat: calbe: so anyways lets do that… You: dude wth with all the deleting make up your mindd you’re not gonna get out of this one!!! calbe: seems like i wont btw, stop spacing out you took your sweet time to write back you missed all my complaining You: and thank the lemurian god i did wouldnt want to read all that anyway, gotta go colour your life’s new episode is startingggg byeeee calbe: whoa  whats more important your soap opera or me? You: obviously… my novela duh calbe: 😭 dont spoil it like the other time im on duty tonight You: kayyy good luck!! 😊 calbe: 😊

Following doctor’s orders, you sleep soon after, finally getting a good night’s sleep. Your mood is up through the roof, ready to tackle whatever comes your way today. You find Caleb already waiting for you near the arcade’s subway station, next to a banner from the new addition to the plushie family. It will soon be coming home to you, that’s for sure.

“Well, you look chirpy.” Caleb says when you’re close enough.

“I am.” You respond with a smug face. “I actually slept, which is a lot already. But it was a good sleep. I’m ready to kick ass today.” You throw your arms around him, giving him a tight hug.

Caleb smiles and hugs you back, lifting you off the ground as he turns around. “As long as it’s not mine, I’m fine with it.” With a giggle you fake a kick as he lets you down, both of you heading into the arcade. You hear your phone ring and signal for Caleb to go in while you step away to take the call, handing him your game card. 

“Zayne, is something wrong? It’s rare for you to call me on a day we’ll meet up.” You watch as Caleb nears the admission table, already getting his wallet out to recharge the cards. 

“Hey… not exactly. Well, maybe.” For him to hesitate this much, something must have gone wrong. You let him take his time as he finds his words, sending Caleb a thumbs up through the display window to show him everything’s alright. “I’m on my way to the clinic. They just called me because a patient of mine showed up with an open wound. I-” You hear him take a deep breath, trying to center himself. You feel the urge to turn away from Caleb’s watch. He might not be listening in to what you’re talking on your phone, but he’s been the one closest to you for years, he knows how to read your reactions and body language just as much as you can read his. And for some reason, you feel like you need to keep this private. Zayne lets out the breath he’d taken and continues. “I know we promised to meet today, and I’m not saying we won’t. I can assure you we will. But I’m not sure how long this would take, they described it to me on the phone, yet I need to take a look to know exactly. I’ll try to keep you updated, hopefully it’ll be quick and I’ll even have the time to go back home before we meet up.” This last part is said with resolve, his voice steady and firm. That’s how you know everything’s going to be alright.

With a smile, you turn back to the arcade, making your way to the door. When you see Caleb inside, watching you every move, your smile falters a little. “Then I guess I have nothing to worry about. See you later.” As Zayne hangs up, Caleb hands you your card back. “Thanks.”

“No need, you owe me one, pip-squeak.” He says as he points to the newly added plushie on the claw machine. “How about we put our telepathy to the test.” With twin smirks, you both head to the gaming area. As the time drags on, you receive a few messages from Zayne. 

mr elsa chat: mr elsa: The wound is fine. That sounds weird. It's normal, the procedure is simple. I’ll be out before 3pm. mr elsa: The operation was successful.  mr elsa: Since we’re meeting a few stations away from the hospital, I might have a late lunch and wander a little. Going home seems like too much of a hassle. mr elsa: I remember you telling me you had something else today so I guess that’s why you haven't been answering. Let me know if everything’s alright, see you later. You: hey, i’m sorry it’s good everything went well congrats on a successful operation1 you can tell me all about it when we meet cant wait!

You’d been checking on his messages but decided not to reply to him in case it would distract him, but now that he assured you he was finished and out, you replied back. You feel Caleb watching you from the corner of your eye, so you turn to him. “Should we go get something to drink? I’m thirsty from kicking your ass.”

He chuckles and looks away, walking towards the dining area. “And here I thought I was the one who was kicking your ass.”

“Puh-lease. If anything, we’re even. And we’ve still to check if our predictions were right about the telepathy thing. You promised to get me the Mr Beanie beanie that’s sold in the gift store!” He looks at you as if you were making no sense. “Ohh, don’t you dare look at me that way! You agreed to it!”

“Did a wanderer hit you in the head or something? What are you talking about?” 

“I told you yesterday.” You pull out your phone, going through your chat history trying to recall when you sent the message. “Did you delete my messages, too?” Before you could keep scrolling up the row of deleted messages, Caleb’s hand covers the screen and takes your phone. “Hey!” 

“I didn’t delete those.” He blocks your phone and puts it in your bag. “I remember now. Mr Beanie’s special limited edition beanie, right?” He nods as if to himself, so you nod, too. You know he’s acting weird, but you decide to let it go.

The afternoon goes smoothly and you walk Caleb to the station’s entrance. “Okay, I guess that’s all for today. Please, don’t forget to write back every once in a while. I know these missions require you to lose contact sometimes. But even an emoji is enough.” You fiddle with the strap of your purse, changing your weight from one foot to the other. 

“Don’t worry, it’s not that level of danger this time around, so I’ll keep pestering you for now.” He looks at you, head tilted to the side. “What’s got you so eager? We’re about to part for a few months, but you look like we’re meeting after a few months away. What was it you had going on later today, again?”

“Oh, um. I didn’t actually tell you what.” Guilt washes over you. You had exploited every second spent with Caleb, but your mind kept wandering towards Zayne every once in a while. Looking down at your feet, you’re about to actually tell him you’re meeting with Zayne, when you feel his hand ruffling your hair. “Hey! Stop that, you’ll mess up my hair.” You look up at him then, his warm smile sending you back in time. Suddenly, you’re both in high school again, Zayne long gone to university, both of you navigating life without a care in the world or worry for what’s to come.

“Don’t look at me like that, pip-squeak. It’s not like I want you to feel bad for parting with me,” His hand that was resting on the top of your head, moves to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing slightly over your skin. “but it would be nice if I was the only one in your mind when doing so.” You see his eyes dart down and then to his hand on your face, before he lowers it. He coughs and opens his arms. “Where’s my hug?”

You feel at odds with the interaction, but shake it off in favour of changing the atmosphere. You walk over to him and hug him, his huge build almost covering you. When you try to step back, he tightens his grip. “Caleb?”

“Sorry, just a little more. I need to recharge for the time I won’t be able to see you.” He rests his head on your shoulder and you feel him take a deep breath. 

You realise then that this will be the first time since you met again, that you’re going to spend so much time apart. Following his example, you take a deep breath, trying to remember the smell of your childhood, patting him a few times on his back. You feel him tense at first, but he soon relaxes. Finally stepping away, he cups your face and plants a kiss on your forehead, a big smile lighting his features. “You can go now, I’ll go get my stuff first.” You nod to him and say your goodbyes, heading over to take the subway towards Akso hospital. 

Messaging Zayne, your mind clears, the excitement making itself present again. Once you arrive at the station, you head towards the exit, a bounce in your step that you can no longer control. You were supposed to meet a few blocks down the road, but you catch a dark haired bump sticking out near your exit. You can’t help your wide smile as you come closer, his gaze finding yours through the multitude of people. 

You’ve always been super aware of Zayne’s expressions. Even when others couldn’t tell his feelings, just a slight narrow of his eyes, or a lift of the corner of his mouth, told you wonders about what he thought or was about to say. That’s why these kinds of new expressions made your stomach go crazy, butterflies spilling away: nonchalantly smiling, eyes shining with something you couldn’t quite place yet. “Hey. You made it.” His voice smooth and low, almost a whisper. That’s all it takes for you to feel your smile grow even bigger. 

“Yeah.” That’s all you can say at the moment, so you nod to clarify.

“Shall we?” Both of you turn to start walking towards the address of the patisserie you’d sent him this morning, when a shadow blocks your way, forcing you to take a step back. 

“Oh, so it was a check up appointment.” The voice makes your blood drain from your face, suddenly feeling how close you were to Zayne and stepping away. “Akso hospital is the other way, though.” You stare in disbelief at Caleb, who's standing with his arms crossed in front of his chest, his eyes glaring daggers at Zayne. You’re about to freak out about him showing up in front of Zayne, remembering how he made you promise not to tell him about him being alive. But when you turn towards Zayne, ready to figure out what to say, you see no surprise reflected in his expression, his own cold gaze staring back at Caleb. Suddenly it dawns on you. Zayne already knew. 

Anger rises up, either at him or Caleb, you’re not sure. You’re about to speak up, when Zayne beats you to it. “It’s not a check up, it’s a date.” Date. That’s all it takes to mitigate your anger, apparently, because you’re forced to look down to hide the smile and the redness on your cheeks. 

“That’s weird. She didn’t mention it was a date, and we spent hours together today.” You look up when you hear Caleb’s teasing tone. It’s the same he’s always used whenever you three were together. But his choice of words was what put a frown on your face. “Oh, I see. Maybe you got it all wrong, Zayne. You shouldn’t force a patient to go out with you just because you have no friends.” The tone he used and the way he said Zayne’s name made your gut twist distastefully. Caleb was coming onto Zayne, the same way he did to your bullies back in high school. 

But you’re no longer that fragile little thing anymore, and Zayne’s no bully. You turn to grab Zayne’s arm, ready to pull him away, but he’s already staring at you. “I don’t think I’m forcing her to do anything.” His gaze lowers, his lips parting slightly as he stares at your mouth. He turns to Caleb as he offers you a hand to take, which you do without hesitation. “Now if you’ll excuse us, we have a place to be. You’ve monopolized her enough for today.” 

When you were kids, you’d always fight like this. Sometimes you’d take Caleb’s side and Zayne would just look away and go on, his gaze meeting yours throughout the day, Caleb feeling smug. And sometimes, you’d take Zayne’s side, his lips turning up slightly whenever you walked to his side. When the latter happened, Caleb was sure to make a tantrum, refusing to let go of your hand. You’d give him a hug, assuring him you’d take his side next time, and take the opportunity to get free and run to Zayne. It would take you days to make him smile again. 

Now, walking away with Zayne hand in hand, fingers entwined, you realise you had never really taken Caleb’s side. It had always ever been just Zayne. You had just wanted to appease Caleb’s mood, loving him enough to want him to be happy, but never enough to want to stay by his side. 

Stopping in your tracks, you turn around. Caleb’s standing still in the same place you left him, his back turned to you. “I need-” 

“I know.” When you turn to him, you see him looking back at Caleb, too. He squeezes your hand before letting go. “Go to him, I’ll be waiting.” He doesn’t look at you as he walks down the road towards the cafe.

Closing the distance in a few strides, you walk over to Caleb and get in front of him. “You’re acting stupid right now.” There’s sorrow in his gaze, but that’s something he’ll have to work on his own this time. He opens his mouth to say something but you cut him off. “Care to explain to me what was that all about? Did you meet Zayne after telling me not to tell him about you?” There’re hundreds of questions going around in your head right now, but there’s little time for that.

You see his jaw tighten, probably struggling between instinctively teasing you, or answering you straightforwardly. “Actually, I met him before you.” Both it is. 

“And you didn’t tell me because…” 

“Because I didn’t want you both talking and bonding over me being back.” You refrain from saying you’d actually started bonding because he was gone. It wasn’t the right time, this talk would have to wait. “You’re angry at me.” He says matter-of-factly. 

“I am. Do you know why?” You don’t know when you did it, but you’re standing the same way you do when you’re about to fight a horde of wanderers, legs spread apart, stance straight, arms hanging at your sides ready to punch or pull your guns. 

“Because I lied to you.” He looks down, arms falling at his sides.

“No, Caleb.” You cross your arms over your chest. “It’s because you look like a kicked puppy when it was you who pissed on the floor.” He chuckles at your comparison, making you smile, stress releasing slowly from your shoulders. “I don’t want to lose you again.” At the seriousness in your voice, he gazes up at you, meeting your eyes. “But you can’t ask me to choose, not this time.” He searches for something in your face, and whatever there is seems to not be the answer he needed. You see his shoulders slump, but he smiles, defeated.

“I know.” 

“I need to go.” You say, but you’re not going to, not until you know he can make this through. He sees your hesitations and his whole demeanor changes. He squares his shoulders and straightens his spine, holding his head high. 

“And I have work to do. My colleague must be waiting for me at the hotel. I’ll take my stuff and head back.” He reaches and ruffles your hair, a warm smile on his face. “See you later, pip-squeak.” He walks away, leaving you stunned and not giving you time to say anything back. You turn and watch his back blend in with the rest of the passersby. 

You stay like that for another minute, allowing yourself to grieve for something that might never be the same, that already wasn’t the same as before. And then you turn back, heading down the road towards the café. You find Zayne sitting at a table in the grand patio of the patisserie, staring at the jasmines blooming beautifully. His back is turned to you, but you don’t need to see his face to know he’s feeling down. You can see it in the angle of his shoulders, the way his head is lowered slightly, hands tightly pressed on his lap. Walking over to him, you lean down on his field of vision. “So, date, huh?” You smile at him.

He blinks slowly, seemingly unfazed, but you notice the shade of red of his ears. You pull back and walk over to the seat in front of him. “I thought you wouldn’t come.” He brings his hand to his face, trying to push up a set of glasses that are not there. You recognise this action now, as something he does when he gets nervous. 

“Too, bad. I don’t like missing out on dates with Dr. Zayne. After all, he doesn’t have any friends.” You take the menu from him, hiding your own nervousness behind it.

“I do have friends, by the way. I just prefer spending time with you more.” He puts two fingers on the top of the menu and gently pushes it down, your face flushed now exposed to him. You stare at the smirk on his mouth and ponder between slapping it or kissing it away. 

[crazy-hazy-sims]

Tag Game: Nonsims interests

Thank you @freezerbnuuy for the tag!

honestly the moment i started thinking about this i suddenly forgot i like things sometimes lol

okay so,

Music: i know broad topic ! but music has been repeatedly saving my life since i was 13 so yeah! i specifically like symphonic metal so much it really combines my love for heavy gritty shit with the huge dramatically theatrical themes and also i like Numetal metalcore deathcore, the topics in these genres are very real and human they dont shy away from the ugly side of being alive and they dont care about being "hardcore elitist" like the rest of the scene, i also recently got into Goth music specifically ethereal goth again just hits the spot with the dramatically ethereal themes

games: i love games in general i love rpgs and point and click ones i know some people frown on that but idc lol unfortunately i am poor so i dont get to experience alot of games as i cant keep up with the many consoles and pc specs the new games require but what i can get my hand on i play forever!

Dragon age: im very new to the game and fandom only started playing last october but my god am i hooked im reading all these philosophical analysis pieces dissecting every word i come across i think i've replayed inquisition 5 times since october despite DA2 being my favorite!

Baldur's gate 3: im generally interested in D&D and the fantasy world of it so BG3 was like if you took that and intensified it by 1 million

warhammer 40k: this is the newest addition to the list i only played Rogue trader for now but damn i think i've spent a week straight researching it last month again i love big expansive fantasy worlds and steampunk and this is just a sweet spot between the two

the sims 4: i love the sims 4 so much when it allows me to do what i actually want to do meaning i hate that most of the content it has out for it is all sorta mundane realistic shit, i wish it was more fantasy geared ( are we surprised) if we ever get a fantasy life simulation game its over for sims 4 for me, but for now i enjoy it immensely because with the power of mods and my own storytelling and lore making i can shape it exactly how i want and that is a shit ton of fun

webtoon: i know some people think its cringe but idgf AGAIN i love fantasy stories and i originally consumed them by reading endless books and this is just an extension of that i read my webtoons daily as i have my breakfast lol

Lord of the rings: fucking obsessed BUT im not deep into the lore like some amazing people are i wish i had the attention span for such an extremely deep rabbit-hole!

fantasy maps and weapons: 2 things i research and draw often just always doodling and learning new things about them i love making fantasy maps and imagining the travel routs of the world

poems: i love both writing and reading poems although i dont write them much anymore i love reading them i stole a poems book from the school library once because i loved the poems and they were gonna put it in the back to make space for a popular series of novels

sewing: i would say fashion but im not interested in whatever weird planet destroying slave labor flaunting of wealth thats going on right now, i drawing new clothes and making them even if its hard as shit for me, i enjoy gathering inspiration making mood boards extracting motifs and designing clothes i do love sewing alot to but i get lazy with it because it involves math lol

ART: i dont think there was ever a time in my life where i didnt make any kind of art piece, even when i had an art block and couldn't get inspired by shit i still made something...badly... but still art is one of the few ways i can express myself and while i wish my skill didnt fluctuate so violently between " hey im skilled i know what im doing this is easy" to "this is a lost cause it feels like i've forgotten how to draw a straight line i should give up art forever and assimilate and become boring" i still live and breath art

okay thats enough lol

i tag: @smudgedbutter @xandezsims @occultradio @grilledcheese-aspiration @astravires @vampwan @azeterna @stormentsims @aniraklova @aliengirl and it wont let me tag more :( so if you see this you are tagged by me!

[rontra]

My hand never seems to actually translate the ideas that are spinning up in my brain. how do you get it all out? any advice? just draw more? do i need to use more references? your art is just so beatiful you are one of my top inspos.

ah first of all thank you very much! i'm honored! 😳

(long post incoming lol)

to answer the question though, i don't think i sufficiently translate what's in my mind and i frequently let myself down! but it's important not to let that Stop you. i think overall it's sort of multifaceted and different for everyone--theres no single answer i can give you that will guaranteed work for you--but for me personally i think it mainly comes down to Derangement, DISCRETION!!, Discipline, & Diet

before i say anything more though it's important also to remember that making visual art (in our case drawings/comics) is training like 2 or 3 separate skills (depending on how you divide them). the HAND represents your current drawing ability & technique; what your drawing hand is physically able to produce when you set pen to paper. the BRAIN is the creative engine that cooks up your ideas and thinks of ways to assemble them. and the EYE represents your ability to recognize what art looks like and how it "should" look. when your brain is thinking of ideas and your hand can't capture them, that is not because you're "bad" at it: it means your eye skill is currently outpacing your hand skill. your ability to discern art, to see things like proportions and anatomy and composition and whatever else is going on, is currently stronger than your ability to draw them yourself. this is not a flaw. this is not a flaw. this is not a flaw!!!! but it does mean your hands' ability to capture what your brain has imagined will let your eyes down until your hands catch up. once they do--by studying, practicing your technique, using references, and gaining confidence--your eye skill will then begin to outpace it again. this cycle, the dance between the two skills, is why you might sometimes feel yourself suddenly "getting good" at art, then just as suddenly plateauing or "getting worse"; you are training different parts of what makes art happen. there is nothing wrong with this. you are improving even when it doesnt feel like it--even when it feels like THE LITERAL OPPOSITE is happening. because you're improving different skills!

(and of course as your eye skill develops you will look back at previous stages of development and go "HOW COULD I NOT SEE HOW BAD THIS LOOKS!"--and yeah. that's the thing; you probably, rather literally, couldn't see it! you only think it looks bad now because you've improved your "eye" skill. you should try to be proud of that feeling, even though it also likely sucks and is embarrassing to you at the same time. there's posts, even recent ones, that i go "i cant believe i thought that looked OK enough to post PUBLICLY" and it is embarrassing for me! but all it means is that i'm better at what i do now...so it doesn't get me down too badly. you gotta shrug that stuff off.)

with that out of the way, my four evil councilmen are as follows:

DERANGEMENT: find something you are not normal about. this can be anything (whether it's a topic that interests you, The Character, a medium, a damn color palette...anything!), as long as it captures your mind and motivates you to create. your brain should be spinning up ideas like crazy and your only choice is to draw them. because once you have Derangement the only thing that feels worse than Making Something Subpar is sitting around Not Making Anything At All. you should be interested in what you draw. you should ideally love it, even if you don't love your own art yet. once you know what motivates you, let that simmer until you have no choice but to draw even if you're scared it'll turn out bad. and hey--there will probably (unless you become some kind of Art God) always be parts you think should've turned out better in some way, however:

DISCRETION!!: realistically nobody NEEDS to know what parts of a piece you're unhappy with. it's valuable to have friends/art partners/mentors/whatever that you can comfortably check in with and go "i dont like [part], what do you think" and get feedback, but that's for YOU. for the audience at large, maybe people will notice, maybe they won't, but as an artist you are constantly growing and you will very likely be constantly looking back at past pieces (even just days or hours old sometimes) and going "what the hell was i thinking? how did i not see [error/s], or why didn't i go for [different idea/finish/color palette/etc]?". getting hung up on this will probably either light a fire under you or demotivate you completely depending on your particular brain soup. for me it can go either way depending on where i'm at in my current hand/eye development phase. but i try not to fixate on it. it's enough to observe it and take notes for next time. every drawing is part of your growth and you have to make wonky art in order to occasionally make something that satisfies your eyes. in the meantime, don't beat yourself up or put yourself down. you are gaining experience and technical know-how, and spotting things you'd like to work on for next time; especially if you're sharing this work and other people are telling you they like what you made, there's no need to undercut this by dwelling on the rough parts so much that you can't enjoy it. the important thing is that you made it.

DISCIPLINE: you made it, it's done, now make something new. do it again from the top! you're right: Drawing A Lot is absolutely the key to Drawing Better. it is also usually an evil curse that reveals How Bad You Drew 3 Months Ago. but you have no choice, if you want to hone your skills and improve the Brain Image -> Art Image translation. you have to do it even when it sucks. do it bored, do it scared, but you have to do it or you'll never get anywhere. when improving yourself, you have to draw a lot to see change, and this is the part that sucks, right? feeling like you're not really getting anywhere or like you'll never capture what's in your mind. you can do studies where you collect references and focus in on ironing out something that's bothering you (such as, like, specific objects, perspectives, clothing details, anatomy pieces, light and shadow, etc etc); this can help crack the malaise for sure... learning how to use references is good, as well as whatever tools are available to you (in your medium/software). How To Do This is sort of a different post, but it does help (and sometimes annoyingly so; there's been rare but very annoying moments in my career where i will be simply looking at a picture and idly make an observation that cracks a style/anatomy problem i've had for Years and im always like COME ON!!! hahaha--but yes looking at references and studying them "like an artist" definitely helps, even when it's not as miraculous as that). overall work smarter and nail down the stuff you're unsure about, then incorporate what you've learned into your art style until it looks a way you like. you will likely have to just grind it out sometimes, and often this grind will not feel particularly fun. but you can Dog Medication Salami Pocket yourself into it if you're drawing something you're sufficiently Deranged about. <- this is what diesel is always doing with those women (LOL)

also, Output. you do have to Be Making Stuff in order to finish stuff. for example for comic projects like adastra or failteacher au, if i can draw ~1 page a day, the update will be complete in no time. but i have to draw that 1 page every day to make it happen, even if i feel off or lack confidence about what i'm making. of course i'm not saying you shouldn't take breaks; you NEED to take breaks, set your goals to your own level, and listen to yourself (and don't get some kind of wrist problem like me please). but the point im trying to make is that if you can make yourself sit down and do it even though you're scared it'll turn out bad, (or, hell, even if this part of your project is Simply Boring), then you can do it anytime. this is important too. but you will probably still sometimes feel stuck if you try to work and grind all the time.

DIET: regularly, but especially when you're stuck in a rut, step away from your craft and enrich your diet. you have to play just as much as you have to work. for example, i am always ALWAYS reading comics. at any given time i probably have 1-4 (sometimes more) tabs open of different comics i am simultaneously reading!!!! i read webcomics, webtoons, manga, DC--any demographic or genre, i take random recs from people and just go read them. whatever medium you're in, you have to take in what other people are doing with it, you have to let them teach and inspire you. you have to branch out and look at genres and styles you usually don't. unwind and look at comics, at illustrations, at design, at animation, at video games. enjoy them as an audience, but look at them like an artist too. when you like something, pause and examine (as both an artist and audience) why you like it. (vice versa: if you don't like something, you can try to figure out why that is!) let other people's ideas and habits flow over you. you have to relax and enrich your mind, to refresh your creativity and motivation. this is crucial. when you come back, you'll feel refreshed and ready to go, and your big brain cauldron of tools + ideas + techniques will be all shiny and bubbling. it's just as important to experience art as it is to make it. i really can't stress that enough!!!!

i talk about comics specifically here because right now obviously i am making a lot of comics (adastra, failteachers). i often feel like i get stuck in boring page layouts and can't think of how to panel something. and honestly sometimes a basic layout that just Gets Through The Scene is simply sufficient (after all, not everything has to be a Groundbreaking New Masterpiece; we would all get fatigued by that!)--or otherwise a "boring layout" is just what i have to put down in order to put down anything at all. but in both cases, reading comics and taking in what people are doing with their layouts makes me feel refreshed and i can return to my own work all rested and bright-eyed. everything we read and watch and take in is added to our "mental library" for the brain to reference when it's time to create something. it is just as enriching and important to experience someone else's art and perspective, and to enjoy a diverse range of impressions. you are always learning and observing, so try to pay attention--it's feeding your brain... :j

(and now, hopefully, your enriched Diet has added fertilizer for your Derangement, and the entire council can take their turn again from the top of the order. HDFHBJFS)

hmm...

well, overall, like i said at the top, there's no One Solution or really Single Piece Of Advice i can offer you. but i hope maybe you got something out of it anyway. everyone's a bit different and everyone's ideal workflow and journey is different too. but don't give up, keep at it, and...GOOD LUCK!!! 🫡🫡🫡

& always remember: in the end, making something YOU like, that looks good to YOU and fulfills YOUR goals, is more important than making something "perfect" (if such a thing even exists). as long as YOU'RE enjoying making your art (yes, even when making the art is hell and sucks!), that's all that matters. 🤝

[cultkinkcoven]

hello hello!!! i was wondering if you could offer advice... some words of encouragement... something, you know? but its totally okay if you cant, id just like to know your perspective i suppose

so, im a fairly young practitioner. im closing in on my first year of practicing with deities, this november will be my anniversary of when i started. and, in the span ive been working with deities, according to them and my friend who practiced witchcraft for 6 years, ive made a shit load of progress.

my deities kept telling me over and over how everything will be alright, how eventually i wont look at someone else's path and think "i wish that was me", and ect. i've had multiple deep heartfelt discussions on my jealousy issues and my deities try their best to comfort me, reassure me, and so on. but its like... i dunno... when i see someone online who has such a fruitful relationship with their deities, who seems so well established in their life and practice, it just makes me feel a bit... inadequate in return.

one of the reasons im coming to you specifically is that - well - i heavily admire your work and relationship with your deities. you seem able to be so completely comfortable with your path and your loved deities, and i cant help but read how smitten you and your deities are for each other, the experiences, the altars you make, the knowledge you have on so many diverse and interesting topics and... truthfully, i end up crying sometimes because i feel as if ill never live up to the type of wizard that you are. i know its stupid, itll most likely fade with time as i gain more experience with my deities, and its not as if what we have is not amazing. i love them and i absolutely wouldnt trade what ive gone through with them, but i just... i just wish i could speed up time. that i could see into the future and know if im ever going to be half of what you are.

i do tarot readings for myself and my friend has done them as well, they always come out saying ill be absolutely wonderful as a witch. that ill be so happy and fulfilled, but it just takes time, it takes living out my tribulations and reading each sentence of my book instead of worrying about the last page, but im just... i just cant seem to tell myself that. i know that no matter how much my deities will gently hold me and kiss me with reassurance, that no matter how much my cards will give me the most vivid descriptions of my future that they can, none of it will actually do anything if i do not believe it myself. and i know it sounds silly, but since youre one of the individuals that i look up to the most, i thought youd be able to help.

im sorry for the long rant, and youre free to trash this ask or something. ill totally understand. thank you for reading this far anyway. <3

This ask is from so long ago but it feels very relevant now. You’ve probably already dealt with this so I’m just gonna yap.

I always find messages like this funny when they’re directed at me, I’m always flattered and surprised that people view my work and relationships as exemplary.

It’s funny because I still have this exact same sense of yearning and jealousy at times towards other people’s craft. There’s someone I’m friends with on here that’s really close and chummy with Lord Hermes. And I’ve always felt like “damn he’s never so friendly with me”. Like he’s great, but he just doesn’t talk to me the way he talks to them. But on the flip side, that person doesn’t know Lucifer nearly as well as I do.

A year or so ago I felt the exact same towards Lord Lucifer. There was a witch I was following on Instagram that had just such a beautiful and cozy relationship with him, and I wanted that.

It’s funny looking back in hindsight from where I am now. Funny because, near the beginning of our relationship, the dynamic between Lucifer and I felt far more romantic and classy. It was very controlled, affectionate, playful, he was always sweet gentle and kind.

Now Lucifer is still all of those things, but he no longer has to worry about dazzling me as much. We get into petty stupid little arguments, we had one last night. He gets frustrated with me when I don’t listen, and I get frustrated with him when he ignores me. He bothers me sometimes, I annoy him sometimes. He doesn’t approach me with the same “hello! hello! my dear! you’re here! this is so exciting!”, though he does still express pleasure in seeing me, it is far more casual now.

I don’t think the me from a few years ago would envy how our dynamic has evolved, but this is not a bad thing at all. People see the chocolates, the flowers, the kind messages. I think that for most practitioners, once you get to this stage in the relationship where intimacy and love are not pursuits, but affirmed and constant elements, things in reality start to be more complex than how they appear. And for the person in that position, things just feel extremely normal.

Don’t get me wrong, I am beyond blessed to be in Lucifer’s presence at any time. But, for example, the relationship I have with Aphrodite is far more polished and clean, light, fluffy and pure than the one I have with Lucifer. Aphrodite and I don’t bicker ever, I’ve never been frustrated at her, never felt the need to talk back to her. But I don’t know Aphrodite nearly as well as I know Lucifer. Lucifer knows me so well he knows exactly how I am going to react to his words. So he chooses them deliberately, sometimes to intentionally piss me off, i’m a way that Aphrodite never would.

I guess the tldr of this is basically, once you do get to that point, the point you admire in others, you probably won’t even notice it. You’ll have become so comfortable in your relationship that you too will be surprised when someone else mentions how nice it seems.

Because it is nice, I love Lucifer. But it’s not a fantasy, it isn’t all positive and it isn’t all easy. But what you’re observing is true. It is definitely worth it. There is no cure to the feeling you’re feeling except continuing to grow, not in spite of your fear but because of it.

[crescenthistory]

Congrats on your 2k Carina!! you deserve this more then anything! I'm asking for an interpret.

(Im just writing basic facts about myself not really in any order so sorry if its cluttered ;D)

I'm a Gryffindor, straight female. And loyal to the bone, I am not super shy when it comes to meeting people (sometimes). if someone came up to me to talk they're now stuck like that for an hour. I am a over thinker and consent perfectionist. I love to write, listen to music and read! If it were up to me my dream day out would be, barns and noble, hot topic, and a food place. I'm trying to learn Russian, (slowly). I value loyalty and words of affirmation in any relationship. I am near sighted (my eyes are really bad) I've done Ballet and other forms of dance since I was 5 years old. I've always wanted to be different then the average fan person so I've joined just about every fandom to be. I've fallen for just about every marauders age character mostly because of your amazing work! thank you and cant wait for what you make next!

aww darling thank you so much! i'm glad to hear my work resonates with you, i hope to continue hitting the mark for you<33

✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶

i will INTERPRET for msfandomsblog

carina's 2k celebration

✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶

i can see you and poly!moonchaser being good together!

these boys are all about loyalty and loving your friends and partners passionately, so you would always have that with them. james and remus has that perfect dynamic where they are able to quell any overthinking in their partner through james' anchor-like support and physical affection and remus' spot-on murmured words of affirmation. james needs someone who can keep up with how talkative he is, while remus needs someone willing to sit with him and read for a while when he is too low on energy for anything else, and that's where you come in. moonchaser would adore your attempt at learning russian and would encourage you further. james might try and learn it with you, but trust that he would not be able to and then he would be all pouty -- but he would thus be even more proud of you when you're able to. remus would happily sit and knit at james' quidditch matches and your ballet recitals, so long as the two of you are all doting on him afterwards when his back hurts. you three could balance each other out and be happy together 🤍

[equallyshaw]

So I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love | trevor zegras.

based off olivia rodrigo's song- scared of my guitar!

trevor x singer nameless oc!

not too sure if i wanna do gif's or pictures like that above..trying something new out (:

word count: 2.3k+

warnings: tbh, she's toxic...pls dont be like her.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

◦

Perfect, easy, so good to me So why's there a pit in my gut in the shape of you? Distract myself, say it's somethin' else Maybe I'm just overwhelmed, maybe I'm confused

◦

for around 11 months it was pure bliss...the two of them everywhere and anywhere. onlookers looked on with smiles and hushed whispers about how 'in love' they were. the two of them moved quickly in their relationship, but nobody found anything weird with it based on how their friends watched them and how they spoke about one another in the media when asked. trevor loved bringing home flowers whenever he came back from a roadie, or just because he felt like it. he showered her with gifts from the get-go as her own life was beginning to fill with riches, as her music career took off.

but once the 1 year mark was coming closer and closer, she began to feel a sense of dread. a sense of anxiety and fear, she hadn't had before. whenever she heard his name in passing or whenever somebody asked her about him, she'd freeze and stutter; not sure what to exactly say. or what was weirder, was that she spent more and more time at her apartment in la and not at his newport house...claiming that the record label was hounding her for an album and she was working day and night, like a dog. she did whatever she could in order to not think about him may it be hanging with friends, driving up and down the coast to san diego to visit family and taking spur of the moment trips with her friends. and when people asked her what was wrong or what she was thinking about, she'd always say 'work' and every white lie that came with that topic.

but when she see's trevor sporadically, she understands why she fell in love with him in the first place. he's charming, relentlessly nerdy, incredibly kind and respectful; all of which she adores. and while basking in that feeling for a bit of time, she feels guilty about how her feelings change when she's not with him. she then chalks it up to work, and how much pressure the label is giving her. so maybe just maybe, she'll stick it out with trevor.

◦

Barely sleep when you sleep next to me

But I keep thinkin' I'll find a cure

I say that I'm fine, I tell you all the time

I've never felt so happy and sure

◦

shortly after their one year, as she stays with trevor about once or twice a week, she can't help but toss and turn all night. claiming she's just stressed and overly exhausted, and he buys it all. he buys all her, "I've never been happier" or "I've never felt so sure about something in my entire life". he buys the, "once im done with the album ill move in with you." too, yet she knows they wont last. that sickening and dreadful feeling that keeps her up at night.

she goes to all of these lengths just to keep her heart from collapsing and her conscious from crumbling above her, and yet she knows right from wrong. she know's that the one that would be hurt the most is him.

◦

But I'm so scared of my guitar'

Cause it cuts right through to the heart

Yeah, it knows me too well so I got no excuse

I can't lie to it the same way that I lie to you

◦

but then when she sits down to write and come up with the chords for a song, she cant help but cry. everything becoming too much for her, her closest friends and producer seeing right through her. her music speaking the words, she can't help but think but not say. she knows that if she lies in a song, she'd be betraying her heart and her soul. her music being her lifelong love and escape, would truly affect her relationship with it.

◦

So I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love

◦

around a year and five months, she stopped writing. she stopped playing her guitar until the early morning hours. she stopped recording, citing that she was dealing with some personal issue. once the acknowledgment of 'oh shit, i need to break things off- soon' hit her mind one day during a writing session, she knew she couldn't write or sing until she did just that. and so she made her way down the coast to newport to do just that, but when she walked inside she saw a doe-eyed and blissful trevor in her midst. she crumbled right then and there, allowing him to make their way to the bedroom. she laid in his arms, not being able to fall asleep once again; and reminding herself that she loved trevor .. or at least needed to remind herself more. was it though? at least on her part?

◦

I was ravin', no boy like you I had the nerve to just stop stringin' you all along But I'm not half as decent as you I'd rather be tied to someone, even if they're wrong

◦

trevor was the guy, she thought when they first met. she thought that they were end game and would go to the absolute ends of the galaxy to believe that, to show and make people believe it too. and after some point, she felt guilty about stringing him along and talking about their future plans together. another morning she stopped by abruptly on her way from san diego, she knew she had to break things off with him. yet when she arrived at his place, she found him making breakfast and the brightest smile she hadn't seen in awhile. he went along and continued with his breakfast but not before making a cup of coffee for her and a extra serving of his breakfast for her. before leading her over to the dining room table and held her hand as they ate. guilt crept up her spine as she looked at him, talking about something that had happened on a road trip and she felt a pang in her heart. she was a coward. rather than break the band aid and say what she'd wanted to say for months now...she let him continue to speak.

he was a better person than she was, she thought. he would have ended things a long time ago if he'd felt what she'd felt or thought. he wouldn't have continued to string her along. he was a good person like that. but her? she was half the person he was, he was a good person with good intentions. the culprit?

she didn't want to be alone.

◦

I make excuses, my friends know the truth is I'm not as alright as I claim I say that I'm fine, I tell them all the time As they watch all the life fade away

◦

the life was draining from her and her friends watched as it did. she was hiding herself away in her los angeles apartment, shortly after she stopped writing. they were all rightfully concerned with her mental health and wouldn't take the 'im fine's!" she hurled at them time and time again. they even reached out to trevor and even he could not get her to come out of her shell. though, he never got the full story of why she was like that. he dropped around unannounced before and after practice, sometimes staying the night but most times slipping out after she'd fallen asleep. but not without a soft kiss to her temple, and tiptoeing out. his family and friends grew concerned when he opted to stay in newport for the offseason. by the offseason, she'd gone back into the studio and pushed through. the studio eating up whatever she had written, and loved it all.

◦

I pretend that it's love, love

'Cause what if I never find anything better? The doubt always creeps through my mind So we'll stay together 'cause how could I ever Trade somethin' that's good for what's right?

◦

with no end in sight, she continued to push through with the relationship, trying to get back to how things were before when she was without a doubt, happy and in love. when trevor does finally leave the sunshine state to go visit family and friends, she stays up thinking about her and trevor's future. would she find anybody better than him? would she find the love that they shared early in their relationship? would she find somebody almost as arrogantly confident? somebody with an infinite passion for what they do? their (affectionately) dumb friends who adored her? and somebody with a zest for life? her journals filled to the brim that summer with what had been eating her up inside.

when trevor comes back right before the season begins, he take's her out to malibu one early morning before the sunrise. she was groggy and tired from the night before, and so when she was awoken abruptly she groaned; trying to desperately to go back to bed. trevor said that he wanted to go for a sunrise and she hummed, thinking he'd go by himself. but instead, he tickled her enough to wake her up and she dreaded getting out of bed. they drove up to malibu that September 2nd, and held one another as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. he bit the inside of his cheek, body filled with nerves and anxiety. he whispered her name to begin with, and in the most trevor and most un trevor way, he proposed. she turned around to see him with tears in his eyes and visible anxiety washed over his features. she smiled softly feeling the inside of her scream to say no and beg her to leave the life she grown used to the past mere months. her smile grew wider and faker, as she said yes. trevor had gotten her dream ring from new york, and she gushed as he pulled it out. tears swelled her eyes as she felt her heart tug at the effort he'd made for her. she was going to show him the same effort as well, even if it hurt her to no end.

◦

her record label demanded an ep of some new songs they knew she undoubtedly had written after she got engaged. her album release was a massive success, going #1 and platinum in many countries. her career was reaching new heights and she was engaged? she was the it girl everybody wanted to be. yet she felt so very far from it, but kept that signature smile on at all times.

she felt herself buy into the idea of marrying trevor when she saw how excited her family was when they showed up to a private dinner the very evening of her album released. they gushed and gushed over the ring and endless possibilities her and trevor could have together. she saw how good both of their families bonded and got along with one another. she could feel the pride and gratitude that oozed off of trevor that night. he loved - no absolutely adored this life the universe had bespoked upon him. the singer was just another addition. he thought he had everything before they met, but when he saw her get absolutely hammered at a party they were both invited to; he was enamored. the grace she carried herself with when dancing, talking, singing and most importantly; the love she oozed for her friends was intoxicating. he could not and never wanted to get enough of it.

the look he gave her that night was one she'd never, ever forget in this lifetime. it was how all girls wished to be looked at. the one that would spare nothing to make their partner happy. the one where you know they'd go to the ends of the earth for you and with you. it was as if she hung the moon and the stars for him.

who would pass that up?

◦

I let the thought in, it's already done

◦

she brought into the idea of going through with the wedding after the release party and found herself immersed in wedding planning. she found herself non stop traveling with trevor that summer, after a serious playoff run. she found herself thinking of their future together because lets be honest, it was there. and she couldn't help but get excited just a bit when trevor had said, that she was going to be most beautiful bride and future mom to ever grace this planet. she looked at him through the mirror and again that look, captivated and brought her in.

◦ But I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love Yeah, I lay in your arms and pretend it's enough

◦

their wedding was a dream. an absolute dream. hollywood and hockey royalty showed up and showed out. the wedding of all weddings. they danced the night away to taylor swift. then as a surprise, trevor and his groomesman shamelessly, did a group dance to one of her upbeat songs as she sat there blushing like a fool, covering her face in embarrassment. they spent the night basking in everybody's presence, the singer not having a second to spare a second thought about what was going to be coming in the next few months. she knew that the world and everybody in their lives would be asking about kids and what not. yet, she pushed that towards the back of her mind. she played the role of a loving and adoring newlywed. she smiled to the camera's as if there was no tomorrow. her friends actually believing that she was happy and that she had found her way back to trevor. and in a way, that was true. she felt stuck with no way out.

the couple retreated back to the ritz carlton new york hotel suite, with a bottle of very expensive champagne, thin slice pizza and new york cheesecake. after stuffing their faces in between making out, the two fell asleep. or at least trevor did. the singer looked up at the ceiling, wide awake and unable to sleep. she had played the part this long...what was another ten?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

umm....sorry about that! part two is coming at some point because i wanna hurt myself even more lmao...

please like and reblog if you did and id love to hear your thoughts too!

tags: @cuttergauthier @zegrasbabyyy @hockeyboysarehot @slafgoalskybaby @sc0tters @sweetestdesire @jayda12 @starshine-hockey-girl @cellythefloshie

[ttaibhse]

i need to start up running again i haven't been in ages and i feel shitty about it but i still just don't really want to. especially now it's getting colder lol i like running in cool weather but when it's actually cold not as much. i was getting so bored of it idrk why i guess because i was running out of new routes to do... i hate running along the road and the thought of adding more distance which basically would mean adding more time on the road or just mindless loops of the parks wasn't really motivating lol. and i felt like i stopped making progress. and then i got sick and the pain in my back/hips came back for a while. and to be honest i was/am just disappointed that i wasn't losing any weight at least not perceptibly and obviously i was lying when i said the goal of it wasn't to lose weight lol. like not the only goal i did/do also want to just be a fitter and more active person and not let my bones crumble into dust by middle age whatever but ultimately i want to lose weight and it just wasn't happening. even though i wasn't intentionally eating much more to make up for the extra activity but i probably was doing it without meaning to. like admittedly there were definitely times i would be like oh i can have a bit more i did a big run today. not all the time but enough i guess. i feel like shit i hate being this size & shape i miss being skinny and the more time passes with me not being skinny it gets harder to remember the negatives that came with it. like i look back now and i know i was always cold and exhausted and obsessed with food and my whole life revolved around it like i know all that but i looked so much better -_- my clothes looked nicer. if someone took a photo of me i only had to worry about hating my face not my body as well. or not as much at least lol i always hated it i guess. but omfg my face even looks worse now because its just doughy. i cant stand it. i cant believe how fucked up i look lol

i hate writing posts like this i sound so cookie cutter stereotypical ED girl. it's so so embarrassing i can't stop feeling like this at nearly 28. im 28 in like 10 days and the first time i remember consciously deciding to stop eating to lose weight i was 10 or 11. my mum still seems to have genuinely blocked out the memories of it like any of it even though we talked about it at several different points in time when i was a teenager and i said to her what was going on and she was so angry with me like furious with me. and then again when i was an adult and just said outright because i knew i had put on weight over lockdown and i knew she thought i had just lost control of myself because she said so to my sister

so i said to her like look i was only really thin in uni because i was in like a 1.5k calorie deficit every single day. there were days i would stand up at the end of a lecture and almost black out lol so i said all that maybe 3 or 4 years ago was the last time i brought it up icr but still if the topic of eating disorders or similar comes up she will say things like "i hope youve never felt that way" LMFAO like full sincerity i swear to fucking god i dont understand. but anyway its not a great feeling knowing she thinks im fat because i just dont take care of myself. even though it is true i suppose. and every time i see my granny she comments on my weight. so anyway all that to say that's how i know it's true and it's not just in my head

like i can acknowledge that back in the day when i was something like 55kg and still thought i was huge that was some kind of dysmorphia involved. but not any more and it's just kind of a blow because i had finally started accepting this idea that i wasn't as big as i thought and now i am it's like i don't know like going backwards. like a nightmare come true or something it's literally all the bad thoughts i would have about myself are true now. i am that fat or even worse because i think i've been deluding myself i think i'm actually now bigger than i think i am. and i am lazy and eat badly and it still feels like my options are total lack of control or the tightest rein possible. theres no good middle ground i dont know how people find a middle ground. how do you eat normally lol. ive only ever been thin when i was barely eating + walking miles and miles every day AND on testosterone. i tried to do eating normally and now im so huge and i dont know what to do like logically i know there are people out there who have got it right so why cant i get it right

[proshippers-against-censorship]

Same anon that first expressed the para stuff- I cant, Find the post where it felt you were implying pro-c is under the umbrella of pro-para, and I'm genuinely unsure if you deleted it after getting my ask or if I just can't find it, I wanted to start from there so it's kindof hard to if I cannot find it, apologies.

And genuinely I apologize, I was a lot more harsh in that ask than I remember, I felt hurt and frustrated but I shouldn't have let it be so loud so instantly.

💬< this for if/when I remember to come back if I am allowed, so that I don't have to go "hey I'm ____ anon"

It's still there, I try not to delete stuff. I personally see doing that as hiding my tracks instead of acknowledging stuff, and I'm big on acknowledging and fixing my wrongs (and after you sent that ask, I did actually ask for feedback from paraphiles on my discord, though I should have done that here as well). I post a LOT on here, though, so it's probably just a bit buried.

I did imply that, but I think I could have worded it a bit better. I personally perceive being pro-para as being vehemently for all paraphilias regardless of contact stance, and while others don't, because of that perception I find it more comfortable to mark myself as neutral as well as putting a separate contact stance. That being said, though, it has been brought to my attention that marking para-health may be a better choice, and I will change that in my bio soon.

You are completely welcome to be here, and even if you didn't word things how you should have, I also don't always word things as I should have, and regardless, I appreciate you bringing the topic up to my attention in the first place. It's important to me that everyone (so long as they don't intend on hurting living beings) feels welcome here, and I can't do that without feedback.

You're wholly forgiven, rest assured, and I apologize on my own behalf for anything I've said that has inadvertently been insulting. I will do my best to keep from that in the future, and don't hesitate to point out if I slip up.

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

My favorite is when Yuu is from America (If they refer to it as USA Crowley might think it was some other academy) especially when it's combined with the great 7 parents, and once the great seven are in Yuu's head for a while and they start to feel protective of this strange child, and Yuu slowly sharing their horrible experiences all non-chalant because "this is really normal where I come from??"

Like if Yuu was from a northern state with air and water quality issues:

Yuu: Whoa, Look at at all the stars you can see out here! I don't think I've ever been able to see this many before!

Hades: ???... Ummm, Kid, Why are you acting like the stars aren't in the sky literally every night?

Yuu: Oh, Well back in my world there's so much light pollution that some people can go their whole lives without seeing any, in the city I lived in though you could see a couple if the air was good enough.

Ursula: The.. air?

Yuu: Well yeah, sometimes the air was filled with to much exhaust and smog and they would send out warnings to not travel and stuff, it was really boring -__-

And it would be so funny if when they get the sevens powers it's really because they won't seek medical attention

Yuu: *putting duct tape on their gashed cheek* See? Told I could fix it myself!

Jafar: No-

I could go on about this au forever I love it sm, I would love to see more with it, sorry i don't want to ramble ur work is amazing!

Nonono you don't understand this is my shit. I always think about how yuu would be from out world. Like I say this a lot but like imagine telling the octotrio about the pollution of our world.

Imagine telling malleus you have never seen stars before

Imagine telling Idia about the elephants foot??

Can you imagine when Lilia tells you stories of bloody history you fore back with things arguably worse like Unit 731*? Maybe even joking about horrible historical events?

Imagine the stories of fairies and cryptids both fascinating and insulting Sebek

Explaing to ruggie that animals from your woukd cannot talk nor be understood in the same way they can here

Explaining to any royal how most monarchies are down and frowned upon??

And depending on where you from can you imagine having to tell them to boil or check your water?? To watch the air for chemicals? To be cautious of radiation? Hell maybe even running from ambulances cause Yuu cant afford that right now! (It's like 10k in the US to give birth). Or even ask about attacks on schools?? Would probably be so alien to them

*an extremely fucked up experiment with extremely triggering topics, please use caution when researching it

[todayisafridaynight]

I largely keep to myself in fandoms, only picking up the odd friend here-and-there or joining a group chat if I'm feeling brave enough. But all of this Twitter talk is making me want to try engage with folks on the platform too! My only gripe isn't even surrounding the community, since you can curate your space like you said, it's the lack of organisation and the dreaded infinite scroll on pages. I adore Tumblr for how easy you can come back to a particular post you reblogged a long time ago, or venture through the tags on somebody's page... but it feels as though that's not possible on Twitter with how it operates. Are there any ways to get around this? 🤔

tl;dr - if you're trying to find a specific topic on someone's page, type 'topic (from:@Username)'

example: minedai (from:@Snapperoni)

if you're trying to save a post to look at later, you can either use twitter's own bookmark feature, or you can use your browser's bookmark feature

long ass unnecessary winded edition below the cut

twitter's less organized than tumblr since tumblr's meant for proper organizational blogging instead of status-update-type posts like twitter (even if its blog tag search system only decides to work depending on the phase of the moon on tumblr), so fundamentally its going to be a little more awkward with organization. there's some things you can do though, and it's not impossible: it's just a little extra work

in my experience it's a lot easier to just 'run into' new accounts and posts once your algorithm knows what you like and i prefer to use twitter that way for finding art or discussions im interested in. trusting the wind and all and the wind's done me well to show me excellent art.

you can help curate your algorithm by going into your Settings -> Privacy And Safety -> Content You See. you cant manually type in topics to add (you CAN save searches though if that's anything: it just means you dont have to type in the thing you want to search when you go to the search bar), but again once you start liking posts it'll start to recommend topics like 'Yakuza' that you can add. you can also remove topics you dont like once they show up in the list under Content You See -> Interests

another way around is to just search your interest (i.e. 'baseball') and just start liking/retweeting a bunch of posts and the algorithm will do the rest for your For You page. following accounts posting the topic you like also helps (obviouslylol)); searching terms on twitter is a fine way to see people post about a thing you like. its like tumblr in that it'll only show you posts that have the tagged word (i.e. 'minedai) in the actual post (i.e. 'if i think about minedai for more than three seconds im going to eat gravel')

at most for coming back to a post you like, you can use the bookmark feature: ive used it. A Lot. and True it gets harder to find older bookmarks as time goes on but for what it is it's been nifty for me. i dont exactly look at bookmarks any older than maybe a month at this point, so it doees its job fine for my needs. if you're on desktop and you really want to save a post without using twitter's bookmark feature, then you can always use your browser's own bookmark feature (i do that with tumblr posts sometimes. it's definitely easier to organize things that way but i also can see how it might appear cumbersome)

trying to find a specific post or type of post from someone's 50/50 though, like tumblr (because i repeat its tagging system is only so reliable sometimes). unless they use tags or you remember a particular phrase they put in the post (you can search specific terms, that including tags) then you just have to scroll i fear. other than that, if you search the term you want and the account youre trying to look through (i.e. minedai (from:@Snapperoni) then it should show up: if anything, twitter's more reliable in actually showing you the post you're looking for so long as you have the term typed correctly

and ermmmm yeah i think thats all i got LOL. best of luck to using twitter

[supersuburb-chix]

Hi vro 👋👋

I AGREE WITH WHOEVER SAID HE WEARS MAKEUP!1!1! He denies it heavily tho if anyone evr asked…..

I think hed have a dream of someday having his own little villa somewhere in italy or something, maybe in Capri. On topic of housing he def comes from deep south farm house with like 5 siblings. hes either oldest or maybe overlooked middle child

DEFINITELY BISEXUAL but veryyy closeted / in denial about it. Maybe because of own personal beliefs or his parent’s religious morals installed on him. Maybe his father caught him getting too close with a male friend as a teen and he got in so much trouble it scared him away from ever exploring those deep carnal urges ever again, only later well into his 20’s in secret one night stands that he could never sleep after.

Christian guilt. Doesn’t actually practice the religion , but gets a sinking feeling and has to bless himself whenever he goes into a lavish European church with one of his rich mistresses. The latin hymns playing quietly through the echoing chapel makes him think of his own rinky-dink church back in whatever hick town he came from that he buried so deep in his mind, he cant even remember what saint was shown on the stained glass behind the alter.

Definitely gets manicures and facials and the whole thing. I can vividly imagine him saying and doing the patrick bateman monologue.

Actually very unhealthy/unfit. Hes naturally very slender, and maybe goes for a jog every now and again, but his diet consists of lavish meals of steak and fish paid for by whatever lover hes entertaining that night. If a cardiologist were to ever check his blood pressure they’d marvel at how the guy hasn’t had a heart attack yet. He’d definitely have body image issues but would tackle them in the most extreme and unhealthy ways rather than just improve his diet and go to the gym.

Ok bye i was fonna do tbis on anon but it wouldnt freakifn let me cus i weote so much eff guess i gotta be loudand proud 👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋🦭🦭🦭

💜🌈hello giggleshits🦄

AAAAuaghhuAUGHHUAFFHugagsjjrhrgAAAAAAQ (iimagine me scratching myself with my foot like a feral dog with fleas)

YESSSEEYYGESS YESS YESSYE

Yeah, in the guide books it does say on his lil ol childhood farm house he did have many siblings and we're dirt poor cries... And bi ted forever make it canon at this point Harlan Ellison!!!!! And omg I see so many headcanon ted as Christian / have Christian guilt, and tho I believe he states in the game he wasn't religious (correct me if I'm wrong guys!!), I think he'd definitely have some sort of connection like that, yes.. Just fits him tbh. And thinking of it, I really enjoy the headcanon, what you said abt him when he's with a mistress in large cathedrals ouuuhghhh.... Grabbing him and wringing him out like a wet washcloth oh boy oh boy!! (Wonder how that'd affect him and June.. Considering she quite literally suffers from religious psychosis!!)

Yeah

He def gets facials and all that jazz,,,ans I like where ur going with the him being unfit thing. I feel like when he isn't eating out with people/his newest lady, he'd get some takeout or something. Which. Doesn't help his health, yurp. He is definitely portrayed as slender (and not just from the starvation of AM, remember guys jingle jingle AM kept their bodies from before the same!! They look the same as they did 109 yrs ago!! Jingle jingle!!!), so I think he'd have a fast metabolism. But then again,whe trying to push objects in the game you can't push/interact with, he states how he "used to work out" but isnt able to push the item. Wtv ted. You're a liar bud! AS FOR HIS INSECURITIES. He'd have lots. Always described as handsome, good-looking. He wants to keep that title! But, self image can differ from what everyone else sees and says. When he looks in a mirror, it seems like all his flaws are out on display, enhanced tenfold. Do his cheeks look more sunken then usual? Ah, is that a grey hair!? Vanity is his form of self destruction.

Ok! I feel like I rambled and used vocabulary equivalent to a toddler, oh wel..

Everyone go check pixelcrackerz out, they are a good friend O mine and they also yumeship with ted!! (Chester x ted canon 4ever.) Their art is so awesum.