#and it also turns out that your mental health improves when you take the time to be kind to yourself and learn new things

[abbotmohann]

closed doors

pairing: jack abbot x attending!reader

summary: you don’t mean to let jack abbot into your heart but when you realise you did, the only logical response is to push him away and pretend like you can go back to being a cold hearted bitch

a/n: i love reading angst idk what that says about me but anyways this was meant to be just a little drabble but it turned out longer than i imagined but the ending is kinda meh. also not proofread, hope you like it!

jack abbot is a widowed former trauma medic amputee not that he let it define him at least not anymore, the man has been through it and even though he occasionally hangs out on the roof he goes to therapy he makes an active effort to work through his ptsd and improve his mental health. so when jack meets you he feels a sense of kinship just as morbid as he was possibly even more so but he enjoys your deadpan humour.

you don’t realise how or when it happened but over the course of the months working together he worms his way into your life, he gets you coffee most nights and half the time when you’re in the doctors lounge trying to take a moment and eat a protein bar he comes in and offers you half his packed lunch which you insist you can’t take but he never takes no for an answer and when he offers rides home you don’t even fight it.

you come to the realisation the first time he’s off in months and you feel the lack of his presence the whole shift, your mind wandering what he was doing - you miss him and you hate it. you’re anxious throughout the next shift you feel tense and awkward around him, trying to process. you try to distance yourself from him but he makes it so goddamn hard, you couldn’t exactly turn down the free coffee so you find other ways like not eating in the doctors lounge, you keep small talk to a minimum where you used to banter with him you don’t - you’re not mean about it at least you don’t think so and when your shift ends you hang back a good 15minutes. eventually he seems to get the picture, he still gets you coffee and searches your eyes every time likely trying to figure what’s changed but you smile and say thanks like normal every single time leaving him confused but that’s really the only that’s stuck, there’s no back and forth anymore it’s strictly professional and you don’t have to hang back anymore, he doesn’t offer you ride anymore. you hate it you miss him, him still buying you a coffee makes it worse sometimes you want to say something spark it all back up again and every once in awhile he sees it and hesitates but you chicken out. eventually even the coffee stops and that really breaks your heart, he never treats you differently on a professional level which at the very least you’re thankful for not that you doubted him but a sick part of you almost wishes he did, there’s an aching void where he used to occupy that you keep trying to ignore - an impossible task when you see him almost daily.

one night you’re running into work early deciding to buy a coffee from the local spot that jack used to get it for the two of you, you make the impulsive decision to also grab one for jack immediately regretting as you’re walking in. you thought about all the ways this was a bad idea so close to throwing it away but just as you were getting to the entrance with both cups in hand so was jack - this was the moment.

“hi jack! i got you coffee”

he furrowed his brows perplexed, she doesn’t speak to him in months but now she brings him a coffee from their spot - she obviously needed a favour he assumed. “thanks” he gave a tight lipped smile as he took the cup and walked away. the rest of the shift went by as normal and there was no favour to be asked so what was that? he wondered, something to discuss with the therapist he figured.

now at the end of your shift there’s a downpour, the kind of torrential rain that soaks you through to the bone. you’re standing at the exit cursing at yourself for not having an umbrella or anything protective dreading getting onto public transport. jack walking out spots you, he sighs his chest tightening nervous for what he’s about to say dreading your reaction.

“i’ll give you a lift”

“oh no jack it’s fine, it’s not too bad”

he rolled his eyes huffing. “it wasn’t a question” you open and close your mouth not knowing how to respond and jack simply pops open his umbrella waiting so you get under it and walk to his car.

the silence is deafening, you feel sick to your stomach. you feel this wave of anger coming off jack you can’t tell if it’s all in your head your if it’s just own guilt projecting. it silent the whole journey and when you reach yours.

“thanks for the ride”

“here take the umbrella”

“thanks but i can survive a few feet”

you unbuckle your seat but you can’t move, you feel the overwhelming urge to fix this now but unsure of how to approach this you say probably the most ridiculous thing you could.

“i know you live far so if you want you can wait at mines for the rain to calm down” you lived a 15 minute drive away from the hospital but tonight he had taken 30 minutes and you knew he lived a 45 minute drive away. you were being logical in a situation that was incredibly illogical. “please for my sake”

he’s thrown off, irritated at the offer. he wants to be mad at you but your voice soft and shaky just makes him want to grab you into his arms and comfort you, you were maddening he thought.

when he walks into your apartment he’s struck by how clinical it feels, you have the barebones it seems there’s no warmth like it’s not lived in. “do you want something to drink like a cup of tea or coffee?” at ease now in your own domain the guilt temporarily forgotten.

“uh, a coffee would be nice” he stands there awkwardly not sure what to do watching you fuss about around your studio flat seemingly switching the heating on opening the curtain halfway (what was that about?).

“you can go ahead and sit on the sofa jack” and so he does, he mind swirling with a million questions, he decided this was it this was the best time to get his answers once and for all.

you come to sit beside him with two cups of coffee, the awkward tension stronger than ever you know you should say something or else what was the point of inviting him to your place at the very least for the sake of being a good host.

“it was lucky you brought an umbrella i don’t remember seeing it as going rain when i check the weather”

“seriously!? you wanna talk about the weather? not about how you’ve been treating me the past couple months?”

“i haven’t been rude”

“seriously!?”

“what!?” you running your fingers through your hair frustrated this isn’t going how you wanted, not that you had a plan but anything is better than this.

“you’re too smart to be playing dumb right now, you’ve been avoiding me” his voice is harsh now, exasperated with you and you’re inability to be honest. he knew you had walls, he knew you weren’t an open book if anything you reminded him a little bit of him and he liked it cos he understood it.

“no i haven’t” you know it’s stilly to so balantly lie but you’re still too scared to be real.

“you’re never in the doctors lounge, you never wanna speak about anything that isn’t medical anymore and don’t think i don’t know you purposely hang in the locker room so i can’t offer you ride home. i thought you were going through something personal and pushing everyone away but then i soon realised you had no problem with any of our coworkers just me, so if ive done something to hurt you just tell me how i can fix it?”

“jack, i’m sorry i wasn’t clear but our relationship was becoming unprofessional you’re my senior, i was just trying to establish boundaries again and keep it strictly professional”

“you think it’s professional to invite me into your home?” he rolls his eyes, he feels defeated now maybe tonight wouldn’t be the night this would be fixed.

“i’m not a total monster, i can’t have you getting into an accident on my conscious”

jack sighs and you both sit there silent for a beat, jack bumping his legs against yours willing you to look at him and you do.

“god you drive me insane” he lets out a chuckle rubbing his face.

you’re pouting now. “do you hate me now?”

“no! i wouldn’t be here trying to fix this, asking my therapist for advice”

“there’s nothing to fix” it’s out before you even think, wincing at the harshness but you don’t let jack speak. “wait i’m sorry that was mean”

he rolls his eyes “normally i like that about you so i’ll it slide” you chew on your lips at his casual confession, like in what way is the first thought and the second thought is ‘you’re insane’

“you spoke about me to your therapist?” a giggle escapes, it seemed absurd that you’d be brought up, that you had any significant meaning to his life. “i’m sorry it’s not funny, i’m just surprised”

“i know i said this already but god you’re drive me insane, what’s so surprising about that?”

“idk the fact that there’s anything significant about me or us to discuss”

“maybe throwing away our friendship was easy for you but it meant a lot to me, you mean a lot to me. i can’t stop caring about you even if i wanted to and if you really did think the professional lines were blurring and it was making you uncomfortable you could’ve just said so, i don’t wanna ever make you feel uncomfortable.”

“i’m sorry” you look down at your fidgeting hands breaking the eye contact.

“stop apologising”

“i don’t actually care about professional boundaries, i know you wouldn’t let any personal beef getting into the way of work. i just you’re better off without me”

“what’s that supposed to mean? you don’t think you’re good enough for me?”

“jack i’m incredibly fucked up and i don’t go to therapy even though i probably should, i don’t let people into my life but all of a sudden you weaseled your way into my heart and so i pushed you away for my sake and yours. i didn’t wanna go through the mortifying experience of you realising my feelings and rejecting them but here we are”.

“please look at me when i say this.” you oblige considering it’s the least you could do. “did i bring anyone else coffee? did i share my food with anyone else? am i giving rides out to everyone? you think you didn’t weasel your way into my heart? you’re the only thing i look forward to coming into work even when it hurt”

he strokes your cheek as he brushes a few unruly pieces away, “i’ve wanted to do this for so long” he pulls you in to a passionate kiss and you oblige melting into his touch, he’s soon pulling you into his lap the kiss frantic and desperate.

he pulls away to catch ch his breath and remark on the facts. “you know we could’ve been doing this for months instead”

pressing soft kisses along his neck, you let out a frustrated sigh “i know i’m an idiot, i’m sorry”

“what did i say about apologising, you can you make it up to me instead” he winked

“oh i’m not sorry then” you smirk running your hands through his salt and pepper curls.

“you’re gonna be the death of me” his lips are back on you again in a frantic mess, your arms wrapped around him tightly rolling your hips deciding this morning was going to end with both of you naked.

[mokeonn]

Since my mental health has been getting so much better lately, I'm honestly super excited for 2024. I'm not gonna prematurely say "2024 is my year" but I'm definitely excited to see where I'm going from here, since it definitely seems like there's nowhere to go but up.

[matchatarot]

Have you been curious about a specific connection’s future recently, Bunny? Let’s see how the Wheel of Fortune will turn! The reading will be separated into three parts: when you’ve met this person, after you’ve met them and the future of this relationship. Depending on your situation, you might be in a different phase of the relationship so do not mind the verb tense too much. To pick a pile don’t overthink it; choose the one that draws you in the most while thinking about the reading’s intent. Only take what resonates! This reading is intended for friendships as well as romantic relationships.

Love, Matcha ♡

☆ masterlist

1 ₊˚.༄

You’ve met this person while you were aiming to free yourself from a certain person‘s or group’s control. You were trapped in other's expectations of you. You decided to give yourself the love you deserve on your own and this powerful choice attracted this person in your life. Your strength, charisma and self-love are what brought them in. They’re someone who values strong characters and passionate people. They felt empowered by you and you reminded them that they can too break free from what’s hindering their manifestations.

You’ve shared spiritual wisdom with them that brought them to an entirely new phase of their life. Your generosity and words of empowerment changed their self-image for the better. You helped them ground themselves and asses things from a more logical point of view. With your own experience, you reminded them that they had control over their life. You motivate them to not procrastinate on improving their life, from reminding them to do their taxes to encouraging them to go on mental health walks. You also empowered them to seek pleasures in new ways. So you might introduce them to a new game or hobby. If you’re friends with benefits or in a romantic relationship, the way you’ve engaged in the deed was new and felt lowkey spiritual. It was their first time to do it that way, it can be related to sexual orientation, kink or just overall dynamic. For friendships, it’s possible that your coming out inspired them if that applies to you. At this point in the relationship you’re living in the moment and not communicating about the relationship’s future. It seems like they’re more focused on what you’ve brought them than who you are. But as they say, “People are experiences, not possessions”.

If you’ve asked for a romantic relationship I do not see you guys getting to a new level of commitment anytime soon. However! There’s still a positive energy here. The thing is, your relationship together is all about empowering each other’s independence so even though it’s a good environment to grow individually it doesn’t really foster the most fertile ground for an actual romantic relationship, you know. Right now, you are headed to a future where you and this person remain in each other’s life. You’ll see each other as an important part of each other's journey and if that applies to you, you’ll still have intercourse with them. You guys might stay in each other’s life because it’s the best sex ever, if it’s part of the nature of your relationship. I see you guys hanging out a lot at night time, talking for hours with each other about your dreams. I just think that there’s the possibility for an eventual falling out further away in the future because of some divergent opinions. I think you guys have different fundamental beliefs that you’ve both figured were not that much of a big deal but with time you’ll end up prioritizing people that are more like you. It’s also possible that one of you rejects the other, or that one of you gets accepted for an opportunity and the other doesn’t and it creates a separation. I see you still communicating from time to time and reminiscing about the other’s pieces of advice. This person was fated, but not fated to stay. Embrace the endings, Bunny. They make place for new beginnings.

carnelian, tiger’s eye, Demeter , 9, 3

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2 ⊹˚˖ ☆

You might’ve met this person when you went somewhere for the first time. You also might’ve met while doing a social activity with your friends and they were on their own. It might’ve been a trip! You’ve met them after getting out of a complicated and confusing time in your life. You were open to new connections and they were also emotionally open to you. Initially, there might have been a power imbalance. One seemed to call the shots while the other followed their lead. This meeting felt fated for both of you, but one of you was especially taken over by the other’s charm, the more submissive one. However, both of you seemed invested in this connection and wanted to give it the love it needed for it to grow into something powerful and beautiful.

You and your person jumped into this relationship headfirst. I wonder if there was some love bombing involved. You’ve given them warmth and opened your heart to them. They know they can count on you, you’ve been a secure and dependable figure in their life. At this point, you’re seeing each other as best friends or life partners. The relationship is at first healing, but it’s certainly a lot of emotions. Even though you’re sentimental as well, it’s apparent that this person is more sensitive than they would admit. They might’ve made you realize that you are more emotional than you admit to yourself or they’ve put you in an emotional state you’ve never been in before. As the journey of this relationship unfolds, you realize that this connection is forcing you to do shadow work. This person is bringing up a toxic pattern that you’ve had and they’re forcing you to look at your ego’s flaws. You, them or both of you have pride that is hindering the growth of this relationship. It seems like they might be avoidant because the depth of their feeling is scaring them. There’s a beautiful opportunity for healing and growth here but I am not sure they’ll choose this option. You will, though.

I feel like they’ll switch on you at a moment when you don’t expect it. As if they didn’t know how to handle your love. Or there might be an argument about the future of this relationship. Bunny, they’re not who you thought they were. I am sorry! It’s possible that they projected a fake identity to get close to you. If it’s a friendship, I feel like they’ll eventually stop including you in their plans and hang out with other people instead of you. It’ll feel like they’re completely different has when you met them. They used to share so much with you but now they don’t even answer your texts. There might be a third party influencing this connection. I see a lot of different possibilities because I am tapping into so many different energies but they’re some conflicts when it comes to values and beliefs. One of you might be religious and wish to be around people with the same lifestyle. They also might get very overwhelmed with their work and prioritize it over you. I want to take a moment to remind you that tarot is simply the projected outcome based on the actual energy. You and your person have free will, if you want more chances of this relationship working out, (if it’s in your higher interest) make sure to have good communication with this person. However, it does seem like you’ll eventually let go of this connection yourself. You’re on a self-improvement path and you’re manifesting your dream life, I feel like at some point your journey will force you two to separate so you can move on to better things. I see you making the effort but surrendering. It’ll be difficult to let go but when you do, you’ll feel a big weight off your shoulders and you’ll realize you’ve been holding on for too long.

I would like to end this reading by reminding you that most people you meet will become part of your past, but their impact in your life was still beautiful. Embrace endings!

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." — Marilyn Monroe

rose quartz, the moon, 818

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3 ‧₊˚ ♡

You’ve met this person at a time of your life when you were looking for genuine and emotionally fulfilling relationships. When you’ve met them, they seemed like exactly the type of person you needed in your life. When you look at them, you see your future through them. I see you being attracted to them the moment you’ve met them very intensely. It had been a while since you’ve felt like this for someone, what’s even more special about this feeling is how you hadn’t known them for a while. There’s something so energetically abundant about this connection. If it’s a romantic relationship, you might’ve thought “This is the person I want to marry”. If it’s platonic you might’ve thought “I want this person to be my children’s godmother/godfather” or something like that. It definitely felt like they were a strong part of your future.

You’ve remained loyal to this person while the relationship was developing, your initial feelings just growing stronger towards them. They’ve brought excitement and adventures into your life. Being together feels so easy. You guys are soft with each other. You accept their flaws and they accept yours. This relationship is a safe place. You’re able to share your faults without being shamed. Fostering this dynamic is making you realize how you can be hard on yourself and you’re learning to give the same compassion towards yourself that you give to them and that they give to you. Both of you feel so comfortable in each other's presence that you even like to do nothing together, like bed rotting together or going to the park and smoking. It’s as if boredom doesn’t exist when it’s the two of you, being together always feels like quality time. You’re finally getting the care you deserve after so many karmic lessons.

This relationship will help you to step into your higher power, it’s making you so confident. Ugh, I love this energy it feels so cosy. They’ll remain receptive to your needs and listen to your worries. They desire to connect on a deeper level and they’re willing to do it on your time. They give you more than you’re asking for and they’re adapting their own life to fit your needs. You won’t even need to ask them! An example that I am thinking of is if you’re gluten-free, they’ll make sure to always consider that if you’re planning to go out and they’ll do things like calling the restaurant in advance to check if the menu fits your needs. They won’t ever want to make you feel like doing those things is annoying to them, because it isn’t. They just love you! The way they compliment your appearance will also feel empowering. They’ll see a future with you and they want to plan towards it. They’re emotionally open and vulnerable with you. You’ll always feel loved by them because they’ll remind you how important you are in their life. Some people might oppose this connection. Since you’ve both met your match, you’re becoming more and more authentic to yourself and it’s inadvertently chasing away the fake people around you. The love bubble both of you are in is energetically protecting your union from malicious spirits and people. The more this relationship is unfolding, the more your heart tells you that they’re right for you. You’ll be comfortable following your own heart, other's advice won’t be necessary at all.

citrine, almandine, firefly, sacred heart

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decks used : angel tarot cards by Radleigh Valentine, l’oracle du chemin spirituel by Valérie Defour & Valérie Saussez, amor et psyche oracle by Georges Barbier, oracle of heaven and hell by Travis McHenry, ors et ombres by Stephanie Lafrance

★ photo credits go to their rightful owner

[ivesambrose]

PAC : YOUR AUTUMN BLESSINGS 🍁

1. 2. 3.

May the remaining months of 2024 lead to a favorable plot twist for all of you reading this 🖤

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at ivesambrose@gmail.com

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Picture 1

• A lot of you will be blessed with foreign travel to a destination that heals this restlessness in your heart. It seems as though you had been fighting against the odds for so long and have also accumulated so much mental strain and grief because you've felt like you couldn't grow where you're at and you're right. You're going to feel the most alive you've felt in a long time. Don't turn down the opportunities that come your way. • Unexpected wealth or income from an unknown or foreign source. • Venturing out of your home or comfort zone. A change in perspective as well. • The sun rising after the darkest hours of your life. It's amusing that it's happening during fall when things usually wither away that you're getting your color back. You may feel like you're Venturing out alone or that your journey is a solitary one. You aren't too bothered because you're so used to it even as it terrifies you. But along the way you'll find people who want to walk beside you even as the cold threatens to sink into your bones. You might just find your soul family this fall. Perhaps home isn't confined to four walls but rather, the people and the places you've yet to step foot into.

Picture 2

• You'll be blessed with finding a balance in your life that earlier was bound to topple over no matter what you did and how hard you tried. You'll confront certain habits and behaviours that you have and actively choose to work through them. Some of them have been hindering your growth and costing you your own peace of mind as well as relationships. • Improvement in health. As well as recognition and reward in your workplace or emotional fulfillment via the work you do or your lifestyle changes. • Heightened intuition and foresight. Trust your instincts over fear mongering from others. • Possible expansion in social circle or connecting with people you can learn from without being ridiculed. You'll be introduced to people or spaces with a more positive outlook to life and circumstances rather than the ones who have a cynical approach to everything. • A better self concept and increase in confidence. Do not allow anyone to walk over you or be little you in any shape or form. • you may also get the confidence or the money to shop for certain fashion items you had earlier been stalling on or might be gifted the same.

Picture 3

• You'll be blessed with something rather abrupt. You may not even consider it as a blessing at first till realisation dawns on you. • I significantly see a blessing that's financial in nature something that will aid you in the long term. You might be too fixated at things going wrong at first. Please don't do that. When the opportunity arrives please have the courage to reach for it and make it yours. You may have the tendency to worry to the point that anything good happening for you is too good to be true. Thing is you tend to be blessed in rather unconventional ways. Certain things you may have quiet literally looked over for months or years. This autumn take some time to reflect on certain aspects of your life and how regardless of what was going wrong or what wasn't 'working out' for you had been in your favor all along. The more you bring in your awareness to that the more of these blessings you'll receive. • A lot of you do struggle with mental health as well as sleep issues. You're rather artistic however but may have kept your arts and crafts aside for a long time. You'll be revisiting things that have brought you joy in the past and feel happy this time instead of feeling performative. • Lastly, allow good things to happen to you.

[zorostitties]

Aurora, 3 (m)

��� Your existence had been an endless night, where shadows whispered long forgotten secrets. Trapped in a golden cage, your fragile mind and shattered memories were chains that kept you from dreaming of freedom. Then, he appeared with the first light of dawn, like a gentle sun warming your cold skin. In his gaze, the promise of a new beginning; in his presence, the sunrise your soul had longed for.

In which Alucard saves you from Erzsebet.

pairing: alucard (castlevania) x (f) reader

genre: angst, romance, slow burn, eventual smut

warnings: violence/blood, explicit language, mental health issues, grief, physical abuse.

rating: 18+

word count: 6k

A/N: Happy one week anniversary to this fic!!! Three chapters in seven days??? I don't write this much or this fast since I was like 15. Oh God. Hyperfixation go BOOM Thank you everybody that left comments last chapter!! Reading them makes my day!! Without further ado, let's hear Alucards thoughts. Enjoy! <3

⤕  Masterlist ⤕ Also on AO3 ⤕ Playlist

The fast passage of time never failed to surprise Alucard.

The way the pages of his favorite books would get yellowed and frail without him noticing. How stone pavement would get slippery, worn out, after years of feet walking on it. How quickly a small village with only a few families could turn into a city bubbling with thousands of lives. How a small seedling would turn into a tall apple tree laden with fruit before he could take notice of it. The way fashion changed rapidly; how his clothes would get outdated and he’d be forced to acquire new ones in order to fit better into society.

How fast humans aged.

He didn’t like to ponder too much into it. Not anymore. It always made old scars ache again. However, as he looked at Juste Belmont, he couldn’t stop himself.

A part of his brain still expected to see a skinny and clumsy boy when Richter mentioned Juste. After all, that was his last memory of the Belmont, although he knew it was impossible. And yet… when Alucard laid eyes on the man, he couldn’t help but be shocked. He knew he’d see an adult, yes… not an elderly man with white hair, beard and deep wrinkles, a man that looked older than him (even though he was in much better form than the average human his age).

How many years had it been since Alucard last saw Juste...? It was around the time his grandfather passed, if he wasn’t mistaken. Was it around 50 years ago, perhaps?

Hell. Only 50 years had passed, and Juste already looked like a raisin.

Half of him knew that was part of the beauty of human existence: its fleetingness. Every human had a clear and direct story: beginning, middle, end. Their will to build, transform, adapt, improve and sometimes destroy, despite the little time they had on Earth. That was why human society changed so much in all those years. They had limited time: they were in a hurry to do everything they could with what they got – and that’s why Alucard admired mankind so much. Despite their immortality, vampires didn’t seem as willing to make significant changes, always choosing complacency or destruction instead.

The other half of him – the half where his deepest scars where hidden – hated this fact about humans. Even felt bitter of them, although he wouldn’t admit it out loud. Humans came and went before he could notice. They marked his life and left him alone before he could even prepare himself.

Alucard inherited the human heart that an immortal shouldn’t have. That was one of the small curses he carried for being who he was.

“Why don’t I come to Paris with you?” Juste argued with Richter, which honestly humored Alucard a bit. The younger man was acting as the adult, coming with up with rational reasons, while the elder was eager to join the fight with them. There it was… humans’ will to do something despite everything.

The white-haired vampire watched the scene in silence, sitting on a tree trunk with Annette by his side. The morning fog over the lake and around the clearing made him keep his guard up despite his relaxed demeanor, as it could hide spies easily; in fact, he was almost sure there was someone out there, but he couldn’t tell exactly where. The smell of burnt wood, ashes and vampire corpses was disorienting.

“Are all Belmonts like this?” Annette wondered out loud with a quirked eyebrow.

“Irritating? Oh, yes.” Alucard knew that it was a genetic trait inherited by every Belmont (other than their clear blue eyes). “To be honest, it’s been years since I’ve had much to do with them.” He admitted. Even so, it seemed that things hadn’t changed much in this aspect. “But if I can’t stop Erzsebet, I’ll need a Belmont to finish the job. Or a revolutionary witch, of course.” Annette opened a small, bashful smile at his last sentence.

Richter started to list reasons to why Juste should stay in Machecoul – he owed it to Maria’s mother, he didn’t care if Juste wasn’t great with teenage girls, all the usual Belmont family drama. Well, something else that time hadn’t changed. Alucard almost had a deja vu, as it wasn’t the first time he witnessed a scene like that.

So he decided to lay his attention elsewhere.

Ruby was standing at a good distance from the rest of the group; she had a focused – slightly annoyed, even – expression on her face as she analyzed the pairs of boots in front of her. She had taken them herself from the corpses before the three men collected the deceased vampires to throw them at the fire burning in the Belmont’s now ruined cottage.

She took a boot and placed it next to her barefoot feet, measuring it. Apparently, it was too big. She sighed and did the same with the next pair.

Alucard had been paying much attention to her. He’s one to always focus on the task at hand – said task meant to stop the impending doom hovering over mankind on Europe – however, from the moment he entered her room through her window, things took a different turn. Got more complicated.

The white-haired vampire knew she wasn’t lying. After you live that long, you learn how to pick up the mannerisms of deceit, especially in humans. They blush, blink, avoid your gaze, stutter, their voice gets higher. It takes a lot of practice to get rid of these involuntary quirks. From the moment they first met, Ruby seemed absolutely honest in her fright; in fact, it was as if she couldn’t lie even if she wanted to. As if… she was trained to never lie.

However, it wasn’t enough to make Alucard less suspicious of her. Too much was at stake to let himself be carried away by her story. He knew he was too old to get fooled, but he also knew to never say never – thus why he kept his attention on her, even if he didn’t show it.

He was trying to understand her. Get a glimpse of what was really going on.

Ruby kept silent during most of the way to Juste’s cottage – and that was a lot, given they walked the entire night. She barely made questions. She didn’t ask to rest, to get some water, didn’t complain about her tight shoe (Alucard could feel the faint smell of blood coming from the scratch on her heel). She kept her head low most of the time. Well… she did promise that they wouldn’t even notice she was there, but Alucard didn’t think she was so serious about it.

It made him feel bad for her, to be honest. He could tell it was another thing she was trained to do.

Three moments of their long walk towards Juste’s location caught his attention the most.

The first was during one of their few stops, when Ruby stood apart of the group and stared at the sky for quite some time, in complete silence. She had a focused expression he hadn’t seen her show yet; one that didn’t somehow look pained. The second was when she caught glimpse of a squirrel – the tiny animal ran up a tree so fast that Richter and Annette didn’t notice it – and gasped, her eyes widened, as if she’d never seen a squirrel before. When the two asked what happened, Ruby brushed it off in embarrassment.

The third moment was while Annette explained what they were going to retrieve in Paris – Sekhmet’s mummy which contained half of her soul. And… Ruby didn’t react.

Alucard remembered that both Richter and Annette got confused at what a mummy is. Ruby didn’t. As if she already knew what it was.

That put a question mark in his head.

Alucard wanted to trust her. She seemed genuine. He got really worried about her at the forest, when she learned about Drolta’s death; there was no way she could lie about that. But… how could he trust someone whose own mind was untrustworthy?

Ruby measured her feet with another worn out leather boot, knee-high and with a very short heel. This time, it seemed to match. She put on the pair. Tip-toed, turned her ankles around, took some steps. Finally, she opened a tiny satisfied smile and sighed in relief. “This will do,” she muttered to herself.

Alucard narrowed his eyes slightly.

There was a time – a long time ago –, when he was young, Alucard would trust her in a heartbeat. He wouldn’t even question her. He’d let himself be carried by his inexperience, his naivety… and his inherent taste for beautiful, delicate things. Because yes, Ruby was beautiful like a flower. She reminded him of a weeping begonia – graceful, colorful, yet with a certain melancholy to it. He’d offer help, cook for her, give her a shelter. He’d even offer himself to carry her on his back the entire way due to her hurt heel.

But Alucard wasn’t naive anymore, and there was too much at stake to have faith in her like that.

Of course, one could argue that if that’s the case, then he shouldn’t trust Richter and Annette as well, given he barely knew both. But Richter was a Belmont – and like all Belmonts, he carried his heart on his sleeve; Richter was incapable of deceit. Annette was mature, much more than someone her age should be, due to her past; Alucard could recognize someone with a strong sense of justice and pride like her. There was nothing complicated about them. Ruby was complicated. Ruby meant mystery in a situation that demanded clarity.

Ruby was their upper hand against Erzsebet, but she was also a problem.

“Annette,” the white-haired vampire called quietly. The girl looked at him immediately, understanding his quiet and serious tone. “I’d like to ask you a favor.” She nodded. “Try to… stay close to Ruby. She might feel more comfortable to talk with another woman.”

Annette narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. It might’ve sounded that he was just caring for Ruby, but the suspicion in his expression told her otherwise.

“Do you think she’s lying?” she asked in the same quiet voice.

“No,” Alucard said. “But she doesn’t remember anything from her past, so it doesn’t mean much. Perhaps… the real Ruby hidden in her memories might not be who she seems to be.”

Annette appeared hesitant – Alucard knew she had sympathy for Ruby – but nodded anyway.

The white-haired vampire sighed, tired of hearing the Belmonts talk, and got up.

“Richter. We need to go.” He was about to call Ruby as well, but she was already running towards them.

“Did you find one that fits?” Annette asked as she also got up. Ruby nodded.

“Yes. It doesn’t even smell bad, either.” She appeared so content with something so simple. Annette sent her a small smile before frowning and crossing her arms.

“What happens if we get to Paris and the mummy doesn’t hold any power, it’s just some old corpse that was stolen hundreds of years ago?” Annette wondered – but Alucard didn’t really pay attention to it.

Richter hugged Juste. Ruby watched it in silence – and the faint happiness she held seconds ago for finding good boots immediately faded away, being replaced by… longing. It was like watching a flower wither in front of his eyes.

A weeping begonia, indeed.

It was another one of those moments when Alucard wished he didn’t have his human heart. One of the few things that the fast passage of time hadn’t been able to change.

“Then at least it’s no use to Erzsebet, either,” he answered Annette’s question and turned around, not waiting for anyone to follow him.

When the great flowing river appeared, you couldn’t help but feel a bit of excitement.

Rivers and lakes kept frozen most of the time in Erzsebet’s country. It amounted to your pile of new experiences. In 24 hours, you’d already seen and done much more than during your time in imprisonment.

You tried not to gasp. This river was much larger than the one you’d seen a few hours ago, during one of the stops you’d made to drink water. The sound of the serene current was hypnotizing; it reflected sunlight beautifully, its surface shimmering with the glow of a million diamonds. A bit of fog still hovered over the nearby trees of the river bank.

“The river will take us much of the way from here,” Alucard explained. Since leaving Juste’s clearing, he had taken the lead and resumed himself to not talking much. Richter and Annette were carrying all of the conversations, to be honest, as you decided to also keep quiet.

Since you left the ruins at Machecoul, you noticed that Alucard was a bit… aloof. Or at least, he decided to act this way due the current situation – and you could understand that. The half-vampire wasn’t being rude, and never once did he appear annoyed anytime Richter and Annette made questions; in fact, he was more than eager to debate their plans or to explain how his hunt for Sekhmet’s mummy went over the years. And at the same time… his expression stayed nonchalant all throughout the way.

Well. You couldn’t expect anything less from a man that stayed extremely calm as he invaded Erzsebet’s chateau.

Nevertheless, it made you feel a bit… weird. You didn’t want to say lonely, but that’s more or less how you felt. Alucard was the one to talk to you at the forest after all, and Richter and Annette… they seemed too enthralled in each other, so you didn’t want to interrupt. You didn’t have the courage to initiate a conversation with Alucard either, scared to bother him. So to you, the entire travel had been a long, weird silence.

There was also the fact that you were in panic of attracting any attention to yourself. They must be extremely confident to walk around at night, you thought; how many vampires could be lurking under the moonlight, between the shadows? As much as the sights amazed you – heavens, you even saw a squirrel! –, you couldn’t help but also shiver whenever one of them stepped on twig.

“We won’t be stopping, so if you need provisions, get them now,” Alucard continued. “Keep out of sight. For sure, we’re being followed.” There it was. Just as you were thinking of vampires lurking, he confirmed your fears. And yet, instead of taking a fight stance or getting tense, he just furrowed his eyebrows and completed in an annoyed tone: “I’m always being bloody followed.”

Richter looked back. Then, you saw as his chest bubbled with excitement.

“Are you going to turn the tables on them, surprise them and then take them out with your flying-sword-thing?!” he asked on the same beat, not taking a second to breathe, his blue eyes shining with anticipation.

Alucard stared at him an embarrassingly second longer than normal.

“...I’m going to find a boat.”

And walked away.

Annette covered her mouth to muffle her laughter. Richter’s face got redder than a tomato. You looked down, unable to hide your chuckle as well. He seemed… very impressed by Alucard, you noticed. Once again, excited like a child. It was cute – and you got surprised at yourself, because you didn’t remember thinking anything was cute before.

Richter recovered from the embarrassment in a second. “I’ll hunt, you gather,” he said, pointing with his thumb. “I mean… you could hunt, too.”

Annette giggled once again. “I’ll find some mushrooms.”

They started to walk into the woods while talking about mushroom types.

For a second, you stood in place like a scared cat. Should you follow Alucard? Would that annoy him? Should you follow the other two? Would you annoy them? Didn’t they said you’d have to keep under watch at all times? But what if you became a burden? What if–

“Why aren’t you coming, Ruby?”

You jumped.

Annette and Richter stopped walking to look back at you. The girl had a little smile on her lips. “Do you like mushrooms?”

Oh. Right.

You ran to reach them. “I do,” you said awkwardly. The only good thing about living under Erzsebet’s enclosure was that you were, in fact, well-fed. It wasn’t always like that… but after you became obedient, you were served good food – and creamy mushroom soup was one of the dishes you liked.

“Let’s just hope that Alucard likes it, too,” Richter pondered, holding his chin. “If he even eats at all.”

“Of course he eats. Why wouldn’t he?” Annette raised one eyebrow.

Richter shrugged. “Well, I’m not an expert in half-vampire anatomy to understand his physiological needs.”

You clasped your hands behind your back, taking courage to speak up. “Is he… always like that?” You knew Alucard must’ve been far by that point, yet you still lowered your voice, as if afraid that he might hear it.

You didn’t even need to explain what “like that” meant. Annette pursed her lips. “I can’t tell. To be honest, we know him as long as you do.” That took you by surprise; you mean that Alucard trusted Richter and Annette without even knowing them?! The girl in yellow smirked and sent a teasing look towards Richter. “I mean, I didn’t know him; Richter right here knows everything about Alucard.”

“Hey– it’s not like that,” the boy blushed yet again and scratched the back of his neck. It seemed to be a quirk of his whenever he felt embarrassed. “It’s just that my family knows him for a long time, okay? I’ve… always heard stories about Alucard.”

“And is he what you were expecting?” Annette asked. Richter hummed, taking a second to answer.

“...Not exactly.” He crossed his arms. “I always imagined he’d look older. I mean, if you heard the stories they told me when I was a kid, you’d expect to meet a giant, like five meters tall.” Annette chuckled.

“Why does your family know him?” you asked Richter. He sighed.

“The Belmonts… we’re a long lineage of vampire hunters. Hundreds of years ago, my ancestors helped him defeat Dracula.”

Hundreds of years ago? So Alucard was that old? You shouldn’t be surprised as you knew that vampires didn’t age, keeping the same appearance they had when they were turned. Yet, since Alucard was only half vampire, you thought that he actually was the age he looked to be...

Annette narrowed her eyes. “I don’t think she knows who Dracula is. I didn’t know.”

“Riiight.” Richter nodded awkwardly. “Well, Dracula was considered by many the Vampire King for a long time. He was extremely powerful. And he almost wiped out life on Earth. Lovely guy,” Richter shrugged. “There’s also the detail that he was Alucard’s father.”

You widened you eyes. That meant that… Alucard had to kill his own father?!

“Does that make him the Vampire Prince?” Annette wondered, not appearing to care about what the blue eyed boy just stated at all.

“That’s one of his titles in the legends, though I don’t think he likes it,” Richter crossed his arms. “Well, he does look like a prince.”

The girl opened the most playful, devious grin you’ve ever seen – in fact, that was the most emotion you’ve seen her show up until now. Annette was somewhat serious and her reactions were very contained, so you were a bit surprised by that. It seemed that only Richter could evoke these reactions from her…

“Oh, God. Are you going to ask his hand in marriage? When you do, tell us previously, so we can leave the room,” she playfully elbowed his ribs.

“Wait– That’s not– What I meant is–“ Richter stumbled over his words, his cheeks redder than ever – and this time you couldn’t help but giggle with Annette, covering your mouth. It also seemed that only Annette could get Richter flustered like that…

“Alright, lover boy. This seems like a good place,” she stopped walking, pointing to her right side. “Let’s see if we can find some good ones. Take care to not get hurt by your dangerous rabbits,” she sent him one last playful look.

Still blushing, Richter smiled, shook his head and kept walking ahead.

Her eyes lingered on his figure. For a second, you wondered if she forgot you were even there.

Finally, she looked at you. “Shall we?”

You nodded, following her into the woods.

And… back to silence.

Awkward silence.

You didn’t really know how to start conversations. You didn’t even know if you should. That might annoy her, you thought. I’m not her friend like Richter. It’s better if I just keep silent to not attract unwanted attention.

With the corner of your eye, you observed Annette.

Richter commented that Alucard looked like a prince - and talking about royalty… you also thought that Annette looked like a princess. Her features were delicate; she was soft spoken, polite and intelligent. Her round brown eyes reminded you of kindness and warmth, although you could see they were clouded with some sadness and distress. The way she matched her yellow vest with the golden hair rings and earrings reminded you of a sunflower. Earrings… looking at them made you feel the ghost of a familiar pain. Whenever they dressed you up for Erzsebet’s night balls, they’d have to pierce your ears to put earrings on them. Every single time. And the skin would constantly try to heal around the earring, making them itch uncontrollably until you’d finally rip them off–

“Oh! Looks like we found some,” Annette cut your line of thoughts before they could spiral. “Well, that was fast…”

She pointed towards the ground nearby. There was a tree with a couple of mushrooms growing near the roots. Annette took a small wooden bowl from the shoulder bag she carried across her chest and knelt down in front of the tree.

You narrowed your eyes as you got closer to the tree…

“These aren’t edible.” You blurted out.

Annette looked back at you.

You stepped closer, shyly pointing towards the mushrooms.

“They’re… too white. The gills. Poisonous,” each word that came out of your mouth made you frown more.

The girl in yellow looked down at the mushrooms, softly pushing them with her fingertips to see under the cap better. Then, she looked back at you.

“You’re right,” she got up, watching you in silence.

You looked back at her in silence, too.

Silence.

“I didn’t know I knew that,” you admitted in a whisper.

Annette cracked a small smile. “That’s a good sign, isn’t it?”

“Why?”

“You remembered something.”

You remembered…?

You were sure of one thing – never once in your life have you ever went mushroom picking under Erzsebet’s imprisonment. Your memory could be a mess, but of that you were sure. So why would you know how to spot a poisonous mushroom?

Was that… was that really a memory?

“You look very shocked,” Annette pointed out. You realized she was already some steps ahead of you looking for another tree. You ran to reach her.

“I… well, I… do you think this could be a memory?” You didn’t like how high pitched your voice sounded.

“Of course it’s a memory. What is knowledge if not a collection of memories?” she said softly.

You felt excitement bubbling within your chest, making your heartbeat increase and you grab the fabric of the skirt.

“Then I think I had another memory past night.” This caught Annette’s attention. “I… I saw a squirrel.” She quirked one eyebrow up, confused. “See, back in Erzsebet’s castle, I was always locked up. And it’s a cold place, there’s always too much snow. Even if I’d go out, I don’t think I’d ever see a squirrel.” You looked up at her, eyes gleaming with excitement. “B-But I saw a squirrel yesterday and I knew what it was, you see? It’s the same situation, isn’t it? A… a knowledge?”

Annette chuckled, but you saw in her eyes – they were very honest – that she didn’t find the situation funny at all. It was… maybe similar to what you saw in Alucard’s eyes past afternoon. It had sympathy and, again, a hint of sadness.

Oh… you let it slip the part about being locked up in a castle.

She was probably feeling bad about you.

“It might be,” she spoke, once again, in that soft tone. “Perhaps those things are common to you, and now you’re beginning to remember.”

Right.

Right, right, right. She was right. Your heartbeat kept up its fast pace as a million ideas flooded your mind. This was the first time you weren’t being mistreated and tortured. When you weren’t being tortured, you were under the constant anxiety of when it was going to happen next. That’s why you slept so much. This was the first time you refused to sleep in order to take in everything happening around you, even the smallest things. What if it was somehow healing your mind?

What if you used to live in a place with mushrooms and squirrels? What if it was a cottage like Juste’s, near a clearing? What if it had trees all around? What if… what if you had relatives that would hug you like Juste and Richter? What if they taught you the difference between an edible and a poisonous mushroom? What if you had parents?

What name did your parents give you?

What was your name? Your actual name, and not this mockery Erzsebet named you that night?

Ruby. That beautiful necklace, bejeweled with diamonds and a big ruby stone that you hated so much. It seemed to burn your skin, seemed to weight tons. But yes, it had the same color of your blood; the necklace got soaked with it whenever Erzebet’s fangs sank in your throat, it’d soak the collar of your dresses, it’d paint your body in that color, it’d paint the Vampire Messiah’s lips–

You gasped and flinched away when you felt a hand on your arm.

Annette looked at you with worry.

“I’m sorry. I called you a few times but you didn’t listen…”

You gulped, putting your hand over your chest and feeling your heart thundering nonstop. The way she was looking at you…

It happened again… just like yesterday, with Alucard…

You hated how your hands were shaking. You hated that you could feel your vision get blurred. You hated all of it, and you hated how a simple thought could make you drift back to her.

You also hated that this thing happened, yet again, with someone to witness. Heavens… you didn’t want to appear weak. These people already had enough problems; all you had to do was not bring them more trouble, to be as unnoticeable as possible, but how could they not notice you if you kept embarrassing yourself like that over and over again?

“My apologies.” You managed to speak somehow. “I’m fine.”

Annette pressed her lips together. Oh, you hated a bit how genuine her eyes were… she couldn’t hide any emotion at all. She felt bad for you. She was worried. You didn’t want to worry anyone.

The girl let out a deep sigh. She held the wooden bowl with both hands, pressing it close to her abdomen, and looked down. For the first time, you noticed the symbol burned on the skin of her right hand… it looked like a flower. Was she branded…?

“I… understand how you feel,” Annette started in a quiet voice. The way she somehow sounded fragile took you off guard; it was the first time you’d seen her like that. “I really do. Those people… they keep haunting you. On your sleep, or even when you’re awake…”

Wind swayed the trees above, played with Annette’s hair, made the golden rings around her locs tinkle softly. In that moment, she looked very young… no. She was very young. Yet, it was the first time you noticed it. She always kept a certain posture, a certain way of speech, that didn’t let this fact be noticed easily. Her fragility almost made her look child-like.

Oh…

The sadness in her eyes… it didn’t have much to do with you. Your state just reminded her of something painful.

“I am not saying that it’s easy to get over it. I still struggle myself,” she admitted quietly, as if she wasn’t proud of it. “And I am not saying that you should be embarrassed to feel this way. It’s… natural.”

Finally, she lifted her head, looking at you once again.

“I don’t know exactly what you went through. But what I can say is that… to be truly freed is to not be afraid. Because when you’re not afraid anymore, they can never hurt you again, even in your mind.” She opened a small, dimpled smile. “And when we defeat Erzsebet, justice will be done. You will be entirely free.”

Sunlight that breached through the leaves touched her face softly. Made her golden earrings glow; lightened her deep brown eyes, making them look caramel. The hint of sadness was still there, but they also shimmered with something else: hope. Courage.

You wondered what Annette must’ve been through; you weren’t brave enough to ask. You could see that life hadn’t been kind to her… her eyes didn’t lie. And even so, she was walking towards indescribable evil to fight against it, even though she had her own demons to face. She was taking her time to offer you encouraging words.

Annette was really like a sunflower; despite the darkness of the world, she chose to face the sun.

You didn’t even know what to reply.

“Thank you,” was all you managed to say now that your heart had fallen into a slower pace again. Luckily, Annette didn’t seem to expect you to elaborate. It’s like she knew you couldn’t.

She nodded and tapped the side of your arm. “We still have mushrooms to pick. And it’s better if you find them… I was about to poison us all, apparently,” she managed to jester, earning a chuckle from you.

When Annette came back, she had the weirdest expression on her face.

After you finished picking enough mushrooms, she went to look out for Richter. Although you were still uneasy, she declared that there was no danger nearby, so you could rest a little if you wanted – which you accepted to do, sitting under a tree for a while. It was nice being alone for some moments. You tried to hear your own mind; maybe it could whisper new memories…

However, Annette came back barely five minutes later with her eyes widened.

You got up immediately. “Did you find Richter? Is everything alright?”

The girl blinked several times. “Y-Yes, I found him. Everything’s alright.”

Annette… stuttering?

Then you noticed… she was blushing.

What…?

“We s-should reunite with Alucard,” she sounded a bit exasperated and rushed. “Richter’s still hunting, but I bet he–“

That’s when you heard the sound of the explosion.

The floor shook beneath your feet. The loud noise came from close by, followed by a loud grunt. Richter’s voice.

Your entire body got tense. Your eyes widened. Your breath hitched.

But, before you could say anything, Annette looked at something behind you and widened her eyes.

“Get down!”

She didn’t need to say it twice.

You dropped, covering your head with both hands, one second before a scrawny looking vampire could stab your temple with a knife.

The thing hissed – and for a second you got desperate thinking, Annette is going to die.

Only for one second, though.

It was the time it took her to kill him.

With a quick gesture of hers, the knife the vampire held melted into somewhat a formless pulp mid air and floated to her hand, where it was reshaped as a spear. With a groan of effort, Annette pierced through the vampire’s skull as if it was butter.

You looked at her in absolute shock.

“Nice reflexes!” She said. But you heard Richter’s voice again, the sound of flames whooshing in the wind, and other unknown voices; the sounds of a fight. “Let’s go!”

She grabbed you by the wrist and ran.

Your most primitive instincts wanted to run in the opposite direction; hell, you’d barely recovered from whatever just happened a second ago. Your worst fears became true; there were vampires deep within the forest, hiding in the shadows even during the day. And you were alone in the woods… if Annette had taken a minute longer, you’d have been knocked out. Maybe that vampire would’ve taken you and ran back to Erzsebet’s entourage. Was Alucard nearby? Did he heard the fight? Was he coming to help you three–?

All your thoughts disappeared.

Richter was fighting two vampires at the same time with his bare hands. You watched, in shock, as he switched from fire to ice to lightning, covering his punches and kicks in blue elemental magic, not showing any sign of struggle at all.

He managed to knock two of them – but didn’t notice as a third short vampire was ready to shot him with a shotgun. Annette was faster. Once again, she controlled the metal of the bullet, disintegrating it before it could even touch Richter, and forced the projectiles to ricochet back at its shooter.

Richter looked at you and Annette.

“I would’ve dodged that,” he complained, pouting.

“Is ‘thank you’ so hard?” Annette retorted.

The blue eyed boy looked at you. “Stand behind us, yes?” As if he needed to say it. Another tall vampire wearing an armor sprinted at them as they took their offensive positions.

You were in such a deep shock that you couldn’t even be scared anymore.

They… they weren’t struggling. At all. They were just human beings, fighting against vampires and winning, winning with the help of magic. They predicted the vampires’ moves and broke their attacks like it was nothing. They were so overwhelmingly superior that the enemies barely even noticed you were there, too focused in trying to survive.

Now you understood why Alucard trusted them without even knowing them well.

They didn’t even need Alucard’s aid.

Annette fought against a tall and skinny vampire. She controlled the blades he used on his sleeves, preventing him to run away; she then reshaped his blades into a sharp spear. After exchanging a few blows, she launched the spear with a scream of effort – and hit bullseye. Quite literally. The spear pierced into the vampire’s eye through his skull, killing him immediately.

Richter had ran off after the last vampire, disappearing from your sights.

“Where’d he go?!” she asked in a rushed tone. You pointed towards the direction he sprinted on, unable to speak.

She didn’t need to ask you to follow her.

When you reached him, the situation seemed under control. Richter had retrieved his whip, and the short vampire was down on his knees.

Richter smirked confidently.

“I hope the vampires in Paris are better than this bunch of blood wankers,” he boasted in a cocky way…

But the vampire smirked as well.

With a puff of black smoke, he turned into a small bat.

“Richter!” Annette called. At the same time, another vampire appeared from within the shadows.

The blue eyed boy didn’t know which to chase – but the new enemy seemed faster and more dangerous. His whip got involved in blue fire; with a single whiplash, the vampire was killed.

But the bat had already disappeared.

“The little one’s escaped!” Annette groaned. It was the first time she looked even slightly annoyed at Richter. She had a breathless scowl in her face, her nose slightly crunched. “Great! Now they know where we are going!”

Richter was distressed. He looked around, his cheeks flushed either because of the physical effort or sheer embarrassment. “Let’s– Let’s look around for him, he mustn’t be far!”

“A tiny bat flew away between the trees, Richter. We won’t find it.” The girl put her hands on each side of her waist.

They started arguing on what they should do next. You didn’t have it in you to interrupt.

Now that adrenaline was slowly fading away, you felt… pretty useless. All you could do was stand there like a frozen statue while these two fought like beasts. At least you didn’t disturb them or made the situation more difficult.

The bigger part of your brain was still frightened. A tiny part of it was… a little excited.

“I suppose we should tell Alucard,” Richter admitted defeat after apologizing over a hundred times, shoulders dropped and a flushed pout on his lips. Annette sighed.

“Let’s not. It probably won’t matter.” Maybe she had a point… these vampires didn’t look like Erzsebet’s servants. No cloaks, no moon symbol on their foreheads. She crossed her arms. “And I don’t want to give him another excuse for that ‘oh, you children’ look he does.”

You wanted to disagree, but you didn’t feel that you had the right… not after what you saw them do.

And… you couldn’t judge them for hiding something.

You were hiding something, too. Something you didn’t want to talk about – at least, not yet.

Three memories of yours awakened that day.

You knew what a squirrel was. You knew what poisonous and edible mushrooms were.

And...

I don’t think she knows who Dracula is, Annette said back then.

She was wrong.

You did.

[svnghxxn]

ᯓ𐙚 . ˙ Lucky I’m your soulmate. . . Pt 1

SOULMATE AU

f!reader X soft!sunghoon

Read part 2 here !!

Content :: Fluff, worshipful Sunghoon, SUNGHOON HELPING YOU BATHE but not in a sexual way ifywim

Note :: I have written fanfics before but it’s been a while, I have no idea how to navigate this app, I kinda had a thought and I made the acc, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me feedback (but don’t be harsh) I know I’m not the best but I want to improve. Also tell me how to be aesthetic that’s my main inspo ANDDD give me Enha fic suggestions if you wanna idk how this works so pretend you’re talking to a 5 year old pls no abbreviations 😔

— — —

Everyone knows they have a soulmate from birth. Nobody is given a sign or hint about who their soulmate is, when they will show up, what they will be like, did I mention that they appear randomly? It’s not even an introduction, they just.. appear in your house! Pretty creepy, right?

This whole soulmate thing is universal. Scientists have been trying to find out what causes soulmates to appear. Is it based on the menstrual cycle? What if it’s based off spiritual beliefs? Who knows! All that we know is that soulmates appear randomly, and are supposed to be your other half, or whatever.

You, on the other hand, are waiting painfully for your soulmate to “appear,” maybe he could make all the troubles go away, you’ve always been a hopeless romantic, so watching compilations of soulmates “appearing” behind their beloveds while alone in your bedroom wrapped in blankets helped with your delusion that maybe you could have a cute moment like that, too. Even daydreams of your soulmate holding you as you slept helped you relax and find comfort on the hard mattress you called your bed every night.

You never imagined what your soulmate would look like, you didn’t want to set up unnatural expectations, and you wanted a little surprise! Though it was a low chance that your soulmate would look exactly how you expected, but still! You also hoped that he would have.. at least an average cock- come on! A girl has needs!!

It was the evening when you got home from work this sunny Friday. The sweltering heat making your seat buckle unbearable and almost suffocating as you rushed home, the AC wouldn’t help, your hair was down and it was like a furnace, making the back of your neck sweat like crazy. You almost fell asleep a couple times as you waited for the red lights to turn green. The honking of angry drivers behind you shook you back to reality. Your palms were sweaty as you held onto the steering wheel tightly, as if it were a lifeline, the only thing grounding you to reality.

Your schedule is stretched thin, all taken up by your stupid workplace, your routine consisted of waking up, brushing your teeth, doing your shift, going home, dinner, falling asleep. Sometimes you fell asleep in your work clothes, other times you would skip dinner to take a shower, you’ve been neglecting your health badly for the extra paychecks.

Thankfully today was your last day of painful shifts that make your legs hurt and pride hurt even more. Retail wasn’t the best way of making money, and the customers definitely didn’t help, it took everything in you not to spit back insults at those horrid people, but you bit your tongue and told yourself your job would be on the line.

You got home around 7:22 pm, the sun was still up in the sky but it felt like your day was already over. You managed to find motivation to do something before bed, to help yourself relax and start the next morning off on a good note. You had the weekend for yourself, might as well make the best of it.

You started by setting something up for dinner. You forgot to stop at the grocery store so you couldn’t make much, you mentally cursed yourself at the realization. You settled for something simple, easy on the stomach, you might need something light after only eating instant ramen and microwaveable meals the past week.

You got the ingredients ready, pots set up, and you stopped in front of the sink to wash your hands, it seemed your mind was on other things as the soap lathered and washed away the work of the day. Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t even notice a man next to you, watching your every move, it wasn’t until he reached out to touch your hand that you snapped back to reality.

“The fuck- AH!!” You yelped when you saw a hand reach out from seemingly nowhere, you stepped back abruptly, away from the man, and snapped your head in the direction of where the hand came from, to find an unassuming, very handsome, young man.

Your fear quickly turned to shock when it clicked, that wasn’t just a random man that broke in, it’s your soulmate! He looked at you with slightly widened eyes, his surprise didn’t meet his lips, his hand still hovering in the air from when he tried to touch your hand, but still, as if he’s waiting for your permission to touch him.

He has a quiet aura to him. His expressions are muted, barely there, but you can tell exactly what he’s feeling as if you two are connected—most likely from your soulmate link. His eyebrows, thick and dark, were the first place your eyes went to, it contracted with his pale skin, accentuating how his color palette was so elegant and attractive. His jawline was sharper than a knife, cleanly shaven. His lips are plump, slightly parted, they look divine, you’re too stunned to realize you’re leaning in slightly, your body already wanting a taste before your mind can catch up. His eyes are a gentle but deep brown, it makes you wonder how beautiful his eyes would look in the sunlight, or how innocent he would look with a shimmer in his eyes. His skin looks smooth and spotless, except for a few moles, one on his cheekbone, another one on the side of his nose, and one last mole near the corner of his mouth. His hair is dyed blonde, which looked absolutely stunning on him, it gave him another layer of innocence that you wanted to take away so desperately.

“You alright now?” Your soulmate says, his honeyed, deep voice filling the air, breaking the silence, breaking you out of your trance. “Oh- I’m good.” You lie, your voice escaping you in short breaths. You blink your surprise away, straightening yourself now that you’re practically melting under his gaze.

It’s not until you brush your hair out of your face that you realize how messy you look, still in your work clothes, hair greasy, sweaty from the car ride home, you most likely have eye bags from the quality of sleep your getting, and you probably broke out, you were too busy the past week to pay attention to something as tedious as skincare. Shame and embarrassment fills you and you squeak, immediately darting past him, not wanting to make a bad first impression, you sprint down the hallway to the bathroom.

“Wait- I want to know your name!” You hear your soulmate shout as you run past, you shout back an excuse. “Gotta shower! Later!” You stop in your tracks, the bathroom door almost closed when you hear his voice approaching the bathroom. “Can I help?” Your heart skips a beat at the thought. He doesn’t even know your name but he wants to help you shower?

The image burns itself into your mind. You, naked, relaxing under the water as his elegant, smooth hands run over your body—his voice snaps you out of your daydreams. “I’ll behave myself, I won’t do anything you wouldn’t want, Princess.” The pet name nearly makes your knees buckle. You never knew you had a thing for pet names, or was it the fact that he was your soulmate? Whatever, that was all it takes before you start to crack the door open more, and find your handsome, well groomed soulmate standing in front of the door, looking hopeful, almost eager to help.

“Come in.” You say after a moment, your mind running with dirty thoughts that would make a prostitute blush. He steps in once the gap is big enough for him to fit in, and you catch him glancing at your body, curiously, reverently, as if he’s undressing you with his eyes. “Thank you.” He says with a small, soft smirk.

“Oh- should I-“ you cut yourself off as your eyes widen, realizing that you might need to take your clothes off to let him help you shower. Your soulmate, wanting to watch you strip down, hesitates before turning around to give you privacy, as if he isn’t about to see you, touch you, in a few moments. You unbutton the work shirt you’re wearing, shimmying out of the uncomfortable pants you also have to wear. You unclasp your bra and let it fall to the ground, your panties discarded quickly after. He seems to know when you’re done, and turns around, not giving you a moment to say you’re done.

The moment he sees your body, it’s like the wind is knocked out of him. His calm, put together demeanor cracks when his eyes catch on your pert nipples, already hardening from the cool air, his gaze drifts down, drinking in the sight of your bare skin, gentle curves, his breath quickening with each moment, his eyes widening slightly like earlier, his hands twitch at his sides, as if holding back the urge to reach out and touch your soft, supple skin. You notice his wandering gaze and your cheeks warm up, you turn towards the shower and step in it, not giving him any more time to ogle your body.

“I’m behaving- I promise Princess.” He calls out with that teasing nickname that makes your thighs press together, ashamed that he got caught checking you out already, he tries to make it up to you. You don’t respond, still trying to process the fact that he’s seeing you, really seeing you, you step into the shower and turn the knob, the warm water beginning to spray out the shower head. Your soulmate takes the hint and follows you, stopping beside the shower, you hesitate before you turn to him, your heart skipping a beat when you see the look in his eyes, concealed lust, masked with an equally as real look of admiration. As if he wants to care for you and fuck you dumb at the same time.

“Can I?” He gestures to the loofa hung up in the shower, presumably asking to wash you, watching as the water starts to sprinkle from the shower head, cascading down your soft body, the same body he wants to worship and make love to. You turn to him, reading his expression before you nod. You would love for him to wash you. You’ve been waiting years to finally have your soulmate, and he’s here! You want to do anything and everything with him, helping you shower is the least of it, not even scratching the surface of your daydreams.

He immediately reaches for the loofa, squeezing some coconut scented body wash onto the loofa before lathering it, giving your body a once over before he looks up at you, slowly lowering the sudsy loofa onto your shoulder, your eyes drift to his face, his handsome, reverent expression, dark eyes locked on your body as the loofa drags across your skin, washing your arms and shoulders. His eyes have a fire to them, burning in your skin, as if he’s holding back the urge to do something.

Once he’s done with your arms and shoulders, his other hand finds your waist as he washes behind your ears, in your ears, your neck, the neck he desperately wants to mark, your collarbone, he hesitates before the loofa dips between the valley of your breasts, his other hand dragging up along your side to gently cup your breast, your breath catches in response, and his eyes flick to yours, as if checking if your okay, before the loofa begins or trace the curve of your breast. His movements aren’t sexual or romantic, just caring, like he’s nurturing somebody, not pleasuring them.

The loofa explores your chest, your abdomen, it travels to the small of your back, up your spine, and through it all, your soulmate looks determined, reverent, as he washes your body head to toe. He doesn’t seem to react as he moves down to your thighs, gently maneuvering your limbs so he can reach your inner thighs, not paying attention to the heat between your legs, before he moves down to your calfs, his free hand holding your hip.

For the first time since he started, he says something. His voice is softer, as if the words slipped out before he could stop them. “You look like a goddess..” His hand pauses on your other calf, glancing up at you with a hint of embarrassment at his words he couldn’t stop in time. You respond with a blank stare, your body reaching to the sight of him on his knees, performing such an intimate act before you, and that compliment? Your knees are weak. He doesn’t dwell on it, tilting his head back down as he finishes washing your lower half. After a while of watching his elegant hands travel your body, he stands back up. Meeting your eyes again.

“Do you feel better?” His voice is soft like last time, but his words are more intentional, meant for you. You step under the water, rinsing the body wash off as you nod. “Better than usual.” You admit with a smile, even if you daydreamed about many things with him, you wouldn’t, you cant act on them. It’s as if your body wants to keep the moment intimate, sensual but not sexual. Your not even sure if your prepared yet.

“Good. Let me wash your hair.” He says with a small smirk. You close your eyes and turn around, tilting your head up as he grabs the shampoo and squeezes some in his hand, he starts to work the shampoo into your scalp, the sound of the shower running and his hands massaging your scalp fill the air, and you let out a soft, almost inaudible moan as he moves his hands against your hairline in such a way that seems practiced, as if he’s done this before. He doesn’t seem to react immediately, feeling a warmth deep in his lower belly before he shuffles behind you, letting out a heavy breath before he continues to wash your hair.

“You should really tell me your name.” He whispers, as if the words are meant for you, only you. You come back to reality, forgetting that you don’t know his either. “Only if you tell me yours.” You respond, staring up at the ceiling as you feel his elegant fingers thread through your hair, expertly washing your hair. You hear your soulmate lean in slightly before he speaks in your ear, his voice deep, low, intimate. “I’m Sunghoon. Now what’s your name, pretty girl?” He quirks his head, a teasing smile on Sunghoon’s lips. The tone of his voice makes your fingers twitch and your whole body shudder, you close your eyes before you answer. “Y/N.” You hear him exhale and lean back, gently guiding your head under the water to rinse the shampoo.

“Pretty name for a pretty princess~” Sunghoon lets out an airy chuckle before shuffling again. You don’t seem to register his chuckle, or the way he seems to have a brick in his pants. This week has been long and a shower is exactly what you need. Your soulmate is just a bonus. Once he’s done with your hair, he moves to turn off the shower, stealing a glance at the curve of your ass before stepping back, unable to take his eyes off you as he fetches a clean towel from under the sink, and unfolds it, reverently wrapping it around you, like your a fragile thing. He grunts as he manages to pick you up, his biceps flexing at the effort. You gasp at the sudden change and wrap your arms around his neck, your damp hair clinging to your skin.

He gives you a cocky smile as he carries you down the hallway and into your bedroom, you shiver along the way, not giving you any chance to react before he sets you down on his bed. “Dry yourself before I find some PJ’s, don’t want you to be cold, Y/N.” Sunghoon says gently, keeping his eyes locked on yours before he leans in and presses his soft, plump lips to your forehead, lingering on your skin before he pulls back and stands up, the kiss is a gesture that makes your heart skip a beat, a gesture that makes you stop and replay the moment over and over again. He turns around with an effortless grace, like it’s natural for him. He approaches your slightly ajar closet and begins to rummage through it.

As he gets to the closet, you can’t help but notice the ripple of his muscles as he sifts through the choices in your closet, and you thank the universe greatly for their choice in a soulmate. He’s absolutely perfect, he respects boundaries, he’s caring, he’s handsome, he’s the whole package!! and I bet he’s packing too.. You shake the unholy thoughts away and abruptly stand up, patting yourself dry, hurriedly towel drying your hair. In no time Sunghoon turns around with a soft smile, his eyes lingering on your skin before approaches you and sets an outfit on the bed.

It’s an oversized shirt, short shorts, and a matching pair of undergarments. Of course he would choose the most casual but enticing option. You don’t seem to care as you let the towel fall to the ground, Sunghoon turning around to give you more privacy before you slip on the panties, clasp the bra behind you, stepping into the shorts and pulling them up, and finally putting on the shirt. The short shorts aren’t visible as the oversized shirt swallows you whole, which is exactly what Sunghoon wanted when he picked out the outfit. He thought that maybe no shorts was a bit daring, so he compromised.

Like always, he knew when you were done, and turned around, his deep eyes roaming your body appreciatively before he steps forward. His toned arm slips around your waist and pulls you into his chest, your breath catches, but feeling his lips on the top of his head makes you relax, you huff against his chest before you wrap your arms around him, your arms are barely able to fully grasp him before he runs his fingers along your spine, through the oversized shirt, making your skin tingle and your body shudder from the intimate, light touches.

You feel Sunghoon’s lips smirk against your scalp, before he grips your waist tightly, lifting you with ease, your hands grab at his flexing biceps for stability as your startled again from his sudden actions, you quickly relax when he lays you down on the bed. Slipping beside you, his arms find their way around your waist again, pulling you against him yet again, his face nuzzling in your freshly washed hair. “Mm.. so pretty.” Sunghoon mumbles against your scalp, his voice intimate, smooth, his words meant for you, only you, his soulmate. “So lucky I’m your soulmate.”

Barely any time passes before you fall asleep in your soulmates arms, just as you fantasized before. Being wrapped in your soulmates warmth, his breath light against the back of your neck, his hard body pressed against your gentle curves, it’s like a dream come true. All your rough work days and sore feet are forgotten as you bask in Sunghoon’s embrace.

— — —

AGAIN PLS GIVE FEEDBACK I WANNA IMPROVE and also taking more Enha req, also smut coming next chapter if I’m not ashamed by the time I’m finished

[andhumanslovedstories]

I’ve been struggling lately with the feeling that my job is pointless. Intellectually I know it is not—nursing is one of those professions where you get to be real smug about knowing the value of your work. But it’s still felt very pointless. Like I’ll start a shift thinking, “what am I even doing here,” and end it thinking, “what have I actually even done.” It’s been a ROUGH couple months.

But I had a really good shift last time I worked, which was good for the soul and also a very useful data point. I got to do pain management advocacy and symptom management, met a bunch of cool patients, did education for new nurses, and had several long heart to hearts, which the kind of midnight heart to hearts that I think are the most important part of night shift, all of that while being well staffed with very pleasant and appreciative patients and coworkers, and I was still like. Pretty depressed. I had a sense of satisfaction and moments of joy and meaning, but it turns out that one good shift did not cure the depression that has been latched on to me for the last few months like some kind of fucked up mental health leech. As I realized I was still depressed and that it was still interfering with my life even when everything was going well, the sense of peace washed over me was the best I’d felt in a while. Because I was like, okay! None of my usual stuff as worked! I have no excuse not to try something new to get my brain out of the shit ditch it’s slipped into.

So I’m applying for short-term disability. I’m worried I won’t get it, and I’m not sure what the next step is if I get rejected, but I feel so much better having decided to pursue it. It’s so much fuckin paperwork for sure, to a degree that’s overwhelming except that that the form could be a checkbox that says, “you want money?” and I’d be like “THIS IS TOO MUCH.” I’m totally not writing this post instead of finishing an email to my manager. I’m definitely not writing this post to avoid dealing with coordinating all my various care providers. I’m certainly not at every moment worried that I’m secretly faking all this so I can get three to nine weeks of a cool summer vacation.

I was thinking about how I almost flunked nursing school in my final semester because I turned in assignments late for a class with a “no late homework” policy. The professor said that this was reflective of real life, where if you miss deadlines you’re just fucked. I ended up appealing my grade and passing, because frankly it was a weak reason for making me repeat a final semester when there was no issues with my actual work or knowledge. During my appeal, I was like “I also think this policy is ableist. Harsh penalties for late work hurt students with health problems, especially chronic health problems when you aren’t asking for one week off due to the flu but instead for a general and never ending flexibility. I’m not trying to make an excuse but explain why this policy is a bad one. Disabled healthcare workers are an asset to healthcare.” I’m trying to remember my own argument as I pursue help. My depression and ADHD and eating disorder do help me be a better nurse, not because like depression gives you superpowers, but because I manage my chronic illnesses every day, in ways that range from hardly noticeable to life or death. Being kind to patients means being kind to myself, and vice versa.

I’m rambling. I really do not want to do this paperwork or send these emails. And I’m not sure if I deserve the leave I’m trying to take. But I miss being love with my job. I miss enjoying it. I wouldn’t judge someone else for going on medical leave, and my job doesn’t want me to burn out or quit. It almost feels like I have to be skeptical of applying for leave because no one else is. Everyone I’ve spoken to has been very supportive, including my manager. And considering how many unpaid days off I’ve had to take lately, disability leave would be an improvement over some of my recent paychecks. All in all, short-term disability makes sense and seems like a reasonable response to circumstances. But FUCK. I wish it required like 90 percent less documentation.

[dropsnectar]

Fluff with some NSFW or NSFT

A vampire that stays mostly in half bat form during the day. He is only slightly smaller then his human form, but finds that he can survive on equal parts fruit juice and blood the more time he spends like this. Also his protruding nose is very fun to kiss~

A vampire that's so soft and fuzzy and loves to curl up with you when you come home from work. He loves to wrap you in his wings to keep you close and warm!! His musk always smells sweet. A courting vampire always doused himself in the best perfumes that intensify his musk. You always smell good whenever you spend time with your boyfriend.

A vampire who spends half his time during the week with his colony. It turns out that vampires were actually meant to be a social species, rather than isolated. When they form a colony, their mental state improves, which means less health issues, like dying in sunlight. A happy vampire can handle the stress of the sun better when he is covered in his sun hats and umbrellas! Your vampire prefers a large black cowboy hat, and some sunglasses.

A vampire that, while being nocturnal, always makes time to be with you. He can't keep himself from kissing your face when he sees you, and holding your for a full five minutes before you two go off on your dates.

A vampire who when he gets you home, loves to go down on you. Its one of his favorite things, sometimes even swearing that your fluid is just as nutritious as blood to him. He'd go into the details about vampires and life force with you, but your too cute squirming under him, for him to stop. Maybe later.

A vampire who loves singing to you. He can't help it, its part of the vampire courting behavior. You find him humming so often when he meets with you, when he holds you, when the two of you are making love. He also loves taking you to music festivals, its a fun pastime for you to share!

A vampire who tells you about his colony's scheduled orgies(also known as swarms). Who doesn't mind sharing you occasionally among his brethren, if you don't mind going of course!

A vampire who uses his big ears and silent magic chirps to check the area for danger. A vampire who can sense an irrate person by the sound of their heartbeat and always steers you clear of any risks when your out.

A vampire who is obsessed with the sound of your heartbeat, loving how close to you it makes him feel. And who loves to listen to it thud faster when he gets you all riled up.

(In case you didn't catch on these are all bat behaviors: link)

[leoascendente]

PAC/ Major blessings of the new year ✨️

Hi my loves! Welcome back to another pick a card, this time focused into the new year and what will be the major blessings this new year has in store for you. As always, take a deep breath and take a moment to choose your pile, I suggest you to pick the one that makes you smile the most.

I wish you the best year possible, may peace, happiness and love be always by your side every day of this new year ❤️

Decks: Woodland wardens oracle, Raider Waite tarot and astrodices

For private readings click here / 2024 readings are open

My blog in Spanish here

All pics are from pinterest, credits to their owners

Pile 1/ pile 2/ pile 3

Pile 4/ pile 5/ pile 6

Pile 1:

This new year will be your year of preparation, there's something huge coming into your life at some point but first you need to learn some new skills to get and keep the success you are looking for. Universe is giving you extra time to prepare what you really want to achieve, it's like a period for trying new things and tests what works best for you, especially in matters of career and money because you'll be very lucky in these areas. If you are thinking into opening your own bussiness and be an enterpreneour, this year will be a lucky year for you but the cards wants you to focus on burocracy and legal matters too, you'll have it easy but there are some things you'll need to learn before, like paying taxes on time or investing money wisely

Your areas of luck will be about starting projects and trying new things it's all about taking the lead without fearing risk, whenever you follow your inner compass you'll find yourself attracting more abundance than what you expected. You'll also be very lucky when it comes to gain wealth and what will play the most at your favor is your knowledge about burocracy or legal matters, not only for this year but the years ahead where you'll be managing big amounts of money.

This year will be filled by happiness and meaningful changes, sometimes change can be overwhelming but for you this feels like something you've been waiting for a long time, a desired transformation of your reality. You are the group that got more major arcana, so this 2024 will be an end of a cycle where your life will take a 180-degree turn, there's also this energy of getting out of your head so much and starting focusing on your present moment. With the empress and the magician cards, I see you'll feel a lot more grounded and, for what I'm feeling, this will help you attract money easilly, you'll be a literal money magnet this new year. These two cards are also indicators of a good year of prosperity with work and money, the empress also indicates a huge physical glow up and a boost in your confidence, you'll feel super empowered during the new year ahead :)

Pile 2:

This new year brings you balance and stability, you'll feel a lot more supported and certain about the path you are taking in life, things will feel more peaceful for you this new year. If you deal with anxiety or something of that sort that involves your mental health, I see a big relief over 2024, you'll be making a lot of progress in this area. The major word I channel is balance, on your outside circumstances but mostly when it comes to yourself and your inner wellbeing, I feel my heart rushing and a knot in my stomach that are slowling relieving, this year might also involve some kind of spiritual or emotional healing too. If you have difficulties dealing with stressful situations this year will also bring you clarity to discern what's best for you and where to invest your precious energy.

You'll be lucky when it comes to find new ways to develop your passion or how you share it with the world, you'll be very lucky if you use some kind of social media or technologies to promote it too, especially if you are an artist. Your intuition will be improving too, if you follow it you'll find sucess at the end of the road, your guides will also be taking relevance in your life. Btw, blue will be your lucky color during the year

This new year will end up some conflicts you were dealing with, the feeling that you needed to constantly fight will dissipate in a very natural way, it will happen progressively in a time where you'll feel like you can finally sit and relax, you might feel extra tired sometimes but it will be because your nervous system will get out of survival mode. You end up a karmic cycle of your life that will allow you to focus on your finances and being productive at work because you got the ace and the 8 of pentacles right after the card of the world, so working and seeing progress will be a major theme of your year ahead, if you are into handcraft of some sort you can get extra income with it. You'll be also getting out of your comfort zone more often to find beautiful things outside of what's known to you, this will be a year of adventures that you'll live with peace in your heart.

Pile 3:

There's an improvement on your energy levels and your home life, you'll feel a lot more healthy and vital during the new year, I don't usually talk about health in any of my readings but your pile deserves it because your body is regenerating positively somehow, whatever you are doing to take care of it just know it's working and will give you proofs of it this new year. There's also a major message about your home life and how it will be taking a more important role in your life, maybe it's something as simple as to be able to decorate it the way you like or it's something more relevant like making a renovation of pipes or fixing leaks, whatever it is, it's something you've been wishing for a long time, It could also be that you'll finally be moving to the house of your dreams.

Your lucky areas talk about health again with virgo in the dices, I see trying to have healthier habits will help you in this aspect of your wellbeing, maybe create a healthier routine or something that sort (it will be different for each of you reading this), always do what's most aligned with yourself. You also got pluto and the third house so this year will be good for you to transform yourself, maybe stepping out of what's known for you and try new practices, it could also be that you are re-learning some things after an important spiritual awakening. For a little amount of you this could mean taking a different approach when it comes to your physical health and needs.

Uhhh things got interesting with your tarot cards! There's a lot of love entering your life my dear :), you got so many beautiful cards that I had to take a minute to channel and summarize all the info. After a period of healing and purification all your dreams will start to come true, the healing process might seem too intense because you'll be getting a lot of channelings in a short period of time but suddently everything will start happening for you, it will happen in the most unexpected way at the mostt unexpected time, you won't see all the happiness coming, even if you receive signs you won't be paying that much attention. You got the star, 10 of cups, ace of cups and the empress, if this is not an omen of your true love entering your life I don't know what it is lol, maybe the message about the home means that you finally meet the person you are going to create a home with because you got the king and knight of pentacles at the bottom of the deck so this person is arriving with commitment, peace and stability. Congratulations my dear, you'll be discovering love in many different aspects of your life during this new year.

Pile 4:

Your major blessing is some kind of dharma, it's something that will make you gain hope in Universe's protection over you, this will come through other people that will communicate things to you that will feel like an eureka moment where everything starts to make sense. Honestly, this feels like making amends with the past, do you know when you see the bully of your high school after 10 years and all the rage dissapears because that person is having a nightmare of a life?, it's not about being happy about other people's suffering, it is more the feeling of there's someone up there watching everything we do and no one leaves without paying their karma.

Your area of luck is about the people that will enter your life, I see you reuniting with your soul tribe this year and finding lovely people that will treat you with the love, respect and admiration you deserve. If you are someone that has dealt with the worst aspect of human nature, this year will be a proof from Universe of all the good traits humans have, it's like Universe wants to compensate you for the battles you have gone through in the past, you'll find your place and your people in this world.

With the tarot cards I'm seeing that you'll be meeting the most lighthearted and positive aspect of life, there's happiness, support and love entering your life to stay. You'll be moving on from a lot of mental patterns that were holding you back, it's like you have learnt the theory and you are finally dealing with the practice that you thought it would be supper difficult and challenging and will ressult into being the most easy and peacefull process ever, like you don't even have to make any effort because everything will be moving at your same pace, like Universe is adapting to you. Between all the new positive people entering your life, there are a lot of chances to find a romantic soulmate there, because of the cards you got I see an unblock in your heart chakra that will unblock your love life too, especially for those that have been single for a while. At the bottom of the deck you got the 6 of swords and the wheel of fortune so this new year will be a shift in your luck to the positive aspects of life, you'll also be feeling more hopeful and optimistic.

Pile 5

Your pile is the only one that has one extra oracle card and it's because that card wanted to fly and land on the opposite side of the room, not to give you spoilers but it was the card of romance. This new year will bring you a lot of different blessings, I see 3 major ones at least, romace is very prominent through all your spread so this year you will meet your true love and will start your life together as a couple. Another blessing I see here is some sort of independence (it will be different for each of you so take only what resonates), it can be moving alone to a new place, working by yourself or releasing emotional attachments, whatever independence means to you is what you'll be getting this new year. I also see admiration from people when they look up to you, you'll be receiving adoration from others, like getting a fan club or something like that, it feels like people being devoted to you, so you might get viral or achieve some level of fame throught the new year

Your lucky areas will be taking care of yourself and your beauty on the inside and the outside, if you've been thinking about changing your style, this year will be very favorable for you in this aspect, also for beauty treatments or anything related to your image and appearance. Another lucky area will be your drive and inner power, you can rely on this aspects whenever you need a boost of confidence, remind yourself your talents and keep moving, you are your most powerful lucky charm <3

Ohhh Divine counterparts energy here in your tarot cards, the hierophant and the high priestess and the king and queen of cups, so you'll be finding a person so in tune with you that it gives me goosebumps all over my spine, you'll understand what a twin flame connection is after this person enters your life, btw, it's someone completely new, no one from the past. Your overall message about this new year is success and moving on from what no longer serves you, this new year you'll be aligning with your happiest and most successful version and honestly, I feel like you won't have to do that much because Universe is pampering you during the whole year

Pile 6

Your oracle card's literal is happiness, so honey, happy days are here again for you, I see even see you crying of joy a few times during the year. You are my spiritual pile and my dear, this year you'll be having magical moments with your spirituality, you'll see miracles happening in front of you, I'm literally hearing 'a glitch in the matrix' so you'll be seeing and undestanding Universe in such a deeper level. You'll be nourishing your soul during this new year, you'll be more in tune with your inner child and you'll be focused into what's best for you and your happiness, life will also be very gentle with you.

Your lucky areas have something to do with your soul mission, especially if you are the kind of person that loves helping others and would like to dedicate your life into a major service for people. It's something related to healing, it can be your own or this might be more related of a soul mission that involves helping others, whatever it be, you'll be receiving rewards because of this so don'tdoubt to help those who need it. Another lucky area will be the people that will enter your life, you'll have an amazing support system in the people you will know this year.

You'll be knowing a soul mate this year! You got 2 and 10 of cups and a lot of major arcana, so I see a major connection with a romantic soulmate but also there are a lot of soul mates that will enter your life to align you with your soul mission, every person will come with a lot of knowledge that will make you feel fullfiled on a soul level. There's also a shift in your luck but it will be mostly driven by your own mentality, you'll feel stronger and more confident in whatever your passions are, you'll be also having some sort of realization about what you want to do with your life and will plan how to make it true, Universe will be favoring you in this aspect.

[candlelitvamp]

When it’s Dark, Look for Stars

bf!xdinary heroes’ reactions when you’re going through a hard time

tags/warnings: fluff, slight angst (mental health issues somewhat implied, no specifics), suggestive in seungmin’s, hurt/comfort (way more comfort than hurt i swear), gender neutral reader

a/n: another post omg… ngl this is so self indulgent cuz bitches r going through it lately (i’m bitches)

Gunil: just the sweetest. brings you sunflowers to brighten up your home. he may be a yapper but he is also a damn good listener. gives the best advice, and helps you make a whole plan to address whatever is upsetting you so much, whether it be a long-term plan for improving your mental health in general or a shorter term plan for addressing a bad situation. if you need to cry he’ll hold your face so tenderly and wipe away your tears with his thumbs and look at you with just the Most loving eyes, taking exaggerated deep breaths to help you calm your own breathing. when you go to bed he’d encourage you to lay your head on his chest so you can listen to his heartbeat while you drift off… 🥹🥲

Jungsu: not afraid to ask if you want to talk about it, but won’t force the subject if you’re not ready. very adaptable to your needs, and will suggest different things to see what you feel like doing or what will help you the most. if you need to cry, he gives the Best hugs and doesn’t care if you get his shirt wet with tears or anything, just holds you close on his lap and pets your hair as you let all your feelings out for as long as you need. tries to take big slow breaths to encourage you to slow your breathing too. gets you into bed to fall asleep in his arms, putting his hand under your shirt (if you’re comfortable with it ofc) so he can absently trace his fingers over the bare skin of your back and lull you to sleep. Will hum/sing you a lullaby too. cleans your room/home for you while you nap/sleep, partly cuz he’s worried ahout your wellbeing and is a stress-cleaner but mostly because he knows a chaotic space can lead to a chaotic mind, and really just wants to Help you.

Jiseok: tries his best not to show it but boy is STRESSED for you. knowing his beloved is struggling throws his whole system out of homeostasis, and this techie boy knows the best way to reset a system is to turn it off and on again. knows that a nap (or just going to bed early) holding each other will not only help you relax physically and mentally, but also believes that your mood will be better when you wake up. he always Insists on cuddling, and when you ask why you expect a lecture on oxytocin, but instead he says “so i can protect you from bad dreams while you sleep with the power of love, duh!” like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. no matter how rational and scientific his mind can be at times, he can’t just help but feel cheesy and poetic when it comes to you 💚

Seungmin: feels like the least he can do is help you relax at the end of the day, especially if it’s a hard one. you text him you’re having a bad day/week(/month…) and as soon as you’re home for the evening he’s there with a sweet treat, microwave popcorn, and an extra hoodie (so he can change when he gives u the one he’s currently wearing 🥰). you’re ordering pizza and having a cozy night in! watching a comfort movie, snacking on yummy food, and cuddling on the couch. he treats u to some at-home spa treatments as well, doing a face mask together and taking a bath with you (with a bath bomb ofc) before giving you a massage to really relax any tension left in your body so you can sleep well. (and while it’s not his intention, if that Happens gets you more excited than relaxed… he knows other ways to release your tension so you can sleep well ;))

Hyeongjun: wants to do anything possible to make you feel better, but worries abt accidentally making u feel guilty for feeling down. happy to listen to you talk/vent and sympathize or offer advice, but won’t make u talk about it unless you want to. acts of service KING tho. ur too tired to cook? he’ll cook your favorite meal for you both (or at least order it). having a hard time sleeping? you’re listening to asmr together and you now have a new weighted blanket with built in heating! (it’s just him lying directly on top of you.) literally anything you complain about or need he’s immediately doing or getting for you. like jungsu, i think he’s very adaptable to your needs. although physical affection and words of affirmation don’t come as naturally to him as acts of service, he’d be more than happy to wrap his arms around your waist to hold your back close to his chest and whisper every single thing that he loves about you into your ear if that’s what you need from him and will make you feel better (insists on spooning tho, so you can’t see and tease him for how his ears turn red when he’s telling you how much you mean to him)

Jooyeon: it truly hurts his heart to see you sad. if you want to vent, he’s there to listen, though admittedly his responses may be a bit… unorthodox. by which i mean he’s making threats of gratuitous violence against anyone who’s mistreating you. or any Thing really. your job/school is stressing you out? he’s threatening to blow up the building. your boss/teacher is being an asshole? “i’m gonna run them over with my car” “joo you don’t have a car” “i’ll use seungmin’s” “you also can’t drive” “exactly that’ll be my defense in court” “JOOYEON” basically he’s gonna make you laugh to lift your spirits as best he can. if you don’t want to talk, he might feel a little awkward cuz even tho he Knows he can’t magically fix your problems and it may just take time, he wants to make you feel better NOW! extra clingy and does everything he can to make you feel comforted. hope you’re ready to get cozy in bed All Night cuz he’s setting u up there and not letting u lift a Finger!

[fawnduubackup]

Heyy, butch genderqueer dyke here who has been contemplating going on T for a long time, I'm just not really sure about where to get started or what to expect? As another anon mentioned, i didn't know tdicks could be a thing! Im just really curious about the kinds of things to expect or what i need to maybe look into? Any info helps, im asking here to get some pointers from someone actually on T and experiencing the changes (who also wont try to sugarcoat it to me lol) Thanks for your time ❤️

There were a couple of you who asked about what its like going on low dose T.

So~

In general all the effects happen slower and less than a full dose of T. A lot of it is genetics dependent as well.

All of these effects can vary depending on you so don't take these as gospel:

First noticeable change will be bottom growth. It can be uncomfortable/ overly sensitive when its growing but its awesome and getting boners rules.

It will be easier for you to get horny/turned on. Visual stimuli will be way more likely to get you horny.

You might turn into a faucet. Ill be honest there are some days where I've had to change my underwear like 3 times because they were soaked through. (im talking about discharge not piss before anyone asks)

Youll also sweat more/be muskier.

The hair on your thighs will get darker and thicken starting on your inner thighs.

Youll get a happy trail and hair around your nipples as well.

Youll break out as your body gets used to the higher levels of T in your system. Probably on your chest and back in addition to your face at first.

Youll grow a baby T stache (darker longer hair on your upper lip) + some stray hairs on your chin/face. (easy to use a dermal razor/ tweezers to get rid of these)

Personally T has improved my mental health spectacularly and not even in a 'i was dysphoric' type of way just straight up i can shut down anxious thought patterns instantly where as before I would have been battling myself silently all day.

Also on low dose typically your voice wont really deepen much if at all. It can still happen though!

Feel free to add your own experiences on low dose T~

[theresattrpgforthat]

I'm looking for TTRPGs that have... for lack of a better way of putting it, mechanics where like, your character is under a profound amount of stress, and if they don't manage it and additional stress that comes in, they'll break or snap and do something horrible and then have to deal with the consequences. So something that mechanically 'forces' your character to do something they'd normally never do due to external stressors.

THEME: Stress Clocks.

Oh this is my shit. Get ready for a Hall of Fame style of recommendations from me this week (as well as a bit of self-advertising)!

Also a note: this was (mostly) a chance for me to get very excited about a number of games that have specifically inspired me, and I am aware that it means that I’ve kind of neglected certain houses of design as a result. For this post especially, I encourage anyone who can think of a game that fits this request that isn’t listed here to give it a shout out in the reblog and the replies!

Mothership, by Tuesday Knight Games.

Mothership is a sci-fi horror roleplaying game where you and your crew try to survive in the most inhospitable environment in the universe: outer space! You'll excavate dangerous derelict spacecraft, explore strange unknown worlds, exterminate hostile alien life, and examine the horrors that encroach upon your every move.

Mothership inflicts Stress upon you with every failure, and hitting your Stress cap reduces your most relevant Stat or Save, thereby consistency reducing your chances of success with every roll. That’s not all though - your Stress cap also makes it harder and harder to stop your character from panicking, by representing the threshold you must beat every time you make a Panic Check. If you roll less than or equal to your current Stress rating, you must take on a new Panic condition.

You make Panic checks whenever you roll a critical failure, but also whenever you witness something traumatic. These conditions don’t necessarily force your character to do anything, but they represent the toll that being in a constantly hostile environment takes on your mind and body. You have to work harder and harder to prevent your character from attacking allies, giving in to the demands of whatever is haunting their psyche, or going straight-up catatonic.

You can also try to mitigate this stress and panic by resting and doing something that helps relieve the pressure - having sex, taking drugs, praying, etc. There’s even a Shore Leave mechanic for long-term games that allow your character to turn their stress into a character improvement.

In some respect, these conditions remind me of the Morality and Clarity tracks of Chronicles of Darkness and Changeling: the Lost, but with less of the errant language around mental health. The dice rolls also make the consequences much less predictable, so if you want to be surprised by what exactly causes your character to snap, I recommend Mothership.

Urban Shadows, by Magpie Games.

The streets bleed shadows as the supernatural politics of the city threaten to swallow you whole. Will you die a hero—a savior for those who have never had enough—or live long enough to become the villain? Will you fight the darkness…or give in for power?

The choice is yours. 

Urban Shadows is an urban fantasy tabletop roleplaying game in which mortals and monsters vie for control of a modern-day city, a political battleground layered just under the reality we think we know. Vampires, faeries, hunters, and wizards fight to carve out a piece of the streets and skyscrapers, ready to make deals with all those who have something to offer. 

The ‘consequences’ track for Urban Shadows is called Corruption. Each character playbook in this game has a couple of special moves called Corruption Moves, and when you start playing, you start with two Drama Moves the tie into this. The Drama Moves describe specific situations in which your character must mark Corruption. If you fill your Corruption track, you take a Corruption Move. Corruption moves give you special powers that are super-effective, but fill up your Corruption track faster. You can only fill your Corruption track so many times - fill it one too many and your character must be retired, because they’ve just become an antagonist.

I really like how this feels like a slow descent that speeds up the more you lean into it. Your character is consistently tempted to give into their darker sides in order to keep themselves afloat in this unforgiving city - but lean too far and they become exactly the kind of person they were hoping to stop.

Antiquarian Adventures, by acegiak.

Antiquarian Adventures is a pulpy tomb raiding and treasure hunting Blades In The Dark hack in the style of Tomb Raider, Indiana Jones, National Treasure, and The Mummy.

So Antiquarian Adventures is a pulp game. It’s not grim dark in any sense of the word, but I think it introduces a unique use of the Blades’ Stress mechanic in a special “ability” that happens when your character uses up all of their Composure (this is the “Stress” of this gam). Once you’ve used up all of your Composure, you cannot resist anything that comes your way and your dice pools are reduce to 0 until you do something (specific to your playbook) that usually invites a new consequence.

For example, The Veteran’s version of this is called “Not As Quick As I Used To Be,” which hamstrings the character until the player allows themself to be left behind or separated from their comrades. This kind of mechanic has directly inspired one of the projects that I’m working on, and I think that if you tweak the amount of Composure your character has, or makes the reaction harsher, you could absolutely make it work for a game that’s a bit grittier than Antiquarian Adventures.

Last Fleet, by Black Armada Games

The last of humanity are fleeing across space, pursued by the implacable inhuman adversary that destroyed their civilisation. They're outnumbered and outgunned. Supplies are running low. The actions of a brave few could be all that stands between humanity and extinction.

Welcome to the Last Fleet.

Last Fleet is a PBTA tabletop roleplaying game where you play brave pilots, officers, engineers, politicians and journalists struggling to hold the human race - and themselves - together under unbelievable pressure. The game focuses on action, intrigue and drama in this high-stakes situation. You'll fight space battles, search for enemy infiltrators, tackle supply shortages and navigate faction politics. You'll strive against your own self-doubt and sometimes crack under the stress.

Last Fleet has something called a Pressure Mechanic, which can be used as a player resource, but also activates when you take weather harm or get called out on your shit. Hit your cap? Clear your Pressure and take a Breaking Point action, which often puts you at odds with the other characters, making the situation worse. The whole situation is a designed to act as a pressure cooker, making the situation harder and harder to bear until you finally pop. I love it, and it’s also a direct influence on one of my games.

Apocalypse Keys, by Rae Nedjadi (@temporalhiccup)

Unmask your feelings, uncage your ruination… The Doomsday Clock is ticking down and emotions run high as you and your team of DIVISION agents struggle to find the Keys before the villainous Harbingers unlock the Doors of Power and bring about the apocalypse.

As an Omen class monster, you are the only thing capable of holding back the apocalypse. Combat occult threats and investigate supernatural phenomena alongside your team of supernatural agents working for the shadowy DIVISION. But in a world that shuns monsters like you, only your deepest, most heartfelt bonds can grant you the power to stop those who seek to unlock Doom’s Door.

Taking cues from Urban Shadows, Apocalypse Keys gives you a Ruin track to follow as your monsters try to stop the world from ending. The Ruin track gives you a Ruin advance every time you fill it, unlocking Ruin Moves, permanently marking character conditions, and eventually forcing your character to turn into a Harbinger if you let it. Your Ruin moves are powerful and dark, generating even more Ruin when you use them, and in some cases (like with the Hungry’s "Only Hunger Remains" move), your character can actually halt the current mystery as they get close enough to becoming a Harbinger that the entire party will have to work together to stop you from ripping the world apart.

Protect the Child, by Mint-Rabbit (that’s me!).

Humans have always been protective of their young, sometimes overly so. Humans have also always feared that which might make their young strange or different, and so insist that only humans can raise their own young. Monsters cannot raise human young. This is known.

You have a human baby. You cannot find its parents. What is even worse, is that this child has powers, powers that others covet, and so everyone wants it. If you want to prove that you’re not the heartless monster that everyone says you are, that means you’ll have to raise it, at least until you find someone who is better suited to it than you. 

You are creatures of fur, scales and fangs. You have claws that can rend flesh, faces that can crack mirrors, howls that can cause ears to bleed. 

And your charge wants a blankie.

Protect the Child is a Forged in the Dark game about monsters caring for a young human, a human who contains strange and mystical powers that make them a valuable asset in any monster crew. The setting and factions present in this game are flexible: you might be aliens in a far-flung future galaxy, fantasy monsters from rival kingdoms, or even everyday wild animals that fear human society. 

Alright, so this is my baby and I can tell you exactly how to push your character towards some really unhealthy coping mechanisms. In Protect the Child, your character is constantly battling the stress of being a parent. Stress, like in other Forged in the Dark games, is a player resource, but it’s also inflicted on you when you resist consequences, and when the kid has an emotional breakdown.

Should your stress clock fill up, you’ll have to take a reaction from the list attached to your playbook before you can take more Stress, and these reactions range from doing something for selfish gains to lashing out to your fellow monsters to being fully monstrous at exactly the worst time. Your tools to manage this stress are also limited - you have to be willing to confront your fellow monsters and be honest about your relationships with each-other if you want to stop your emotional kettle from whistling all of the time. If you want a game where building relationships is the only way to deal with the pressures of monster-parenting, then check out Protect the Child!

[metamorphesque]

I've yet again reached a low point in my life. I'm in my 30s currently 4 months unemployed, I have a bachelor's degree in lets's say something like linguistics and an associate's degree in IT. Years ago I left my master's degree unfinished because of an impulsive decision. Now in the middle of 30s I'm back at finishing my master's degree (have 4 exams left and the thesis). I can't get a job with my degree in "linguistics" because it's already not a profitable degree and I've made my situation worse by never finishing my master's degree. The college I went to get my IT degree was already bad (at least the government financed it) and because of mental health none of the knowledge I gained there stuck in my brain. I also have too few and limited experiences with working in IT (I only worked in IT support). And I'm so anxious and banging my head against the wall for making soooo many stupid decisions in my life.

Dear anon, my heart broke when I read your message because I see so much of myself in your words. It’s tough to carry the weight of past decisions and feel stuck in the aftermath, but please don’t be so harsh on yourself. Decisions often seem “stupid” only in hindsight, when we’re armed with the knowledge and experience we didn’t have back then. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time.

Instead of drowning in regret, let’s look at what you can do now to improve your situation. You have a linguistics degree — have you thought about becoming an English teacher or tutor? It can actually be quite profitable. You can get a TESOL or TEFL certificate online, and some people even teach without formal education. Once you’re certified, you can apply to language schools — many operate online, including foreign ones (if you're a native English speaker, they'll accept you in a heartbeat). Another option is to build a social media presence, on Instagram (for example), where you can share language tips and lessons and attract potential students. I've seen plenty of English tutors make good money doing this, and it gives you the freedom to work from anywhere. It might be worth looking into.

If you’re more inclined toward IT, there are many different online courses from reputable universities on platforms like Coursera and EdX. Getting accredited certificates can enhance your chances of getting a job (and useful knowledge in your chosen field), and many companies value hands-on skills and certifications just as much as formal degrees.

Please don’t let desperation cloud your vision. There’s always a way out, but you mustn't let regret hold you back. Learn from your past, but don’t live there. A mistake only turns into regret if we refuse to learn from it. I truly hope you find your path and build a future that makes you proud. Take care of yourself. I wish you all the best, dear anon🌻

[trippinsorrows]

ltye + leya

authors note: no idea where this came from. but, we here.

no tags. if it ends up on your dash, twas meant to be lmao

words: 1.2k // warnings: mental health topics and roman being an ass to literally anyone not his child.

Children get sick.

It's a normal thing that happens from time to time, or more, depending on immune systems, exposure, and other extraneous variables.

However, for Roman and Solana, when one of their girls gets sick, both usually end up with whatever the ailment is before it's all said and done.

It's why they've come up with a system of sorts. Somewhat keeping the girls separated to avoid infection and exposure. It's not foolproof, nor is it liked by their girls who are more or less inseparable, but it saves the parents a ton of late nights with only having one child sick. Or, at least, one child sick at a time.

And to help out a bit, they split up the duties, taking turns with who caters more to the sick child and who caters more to the well child. It's Solana's turn, hence Roman being the one who's currently strapping Leya into her car seat after picking her up from school.

He goes to step back, a bit of a test when Leya's little hand reaches out to stop him. He sighs. "Why don't we just try one time and see what happens?"

It only takes her eyes widening with unspoken fear for him to know that's definitely not happening today.

"Please...." Her voice is soft and pleading and easily drags him over to her side of the fence. Roman proceeds to secure and unsecure her car seat a total of three times, after which her face settles into comfort and satisfaction.

He doesn't say anything, just makes a mental note to tell Solana they need to meet with her therapist again. Leya's OCD doesn't seem to be improving despite almost two months of weekly therapy.

He's just closed the door to the SUV when the single most annoying voice shouts his name. "Oh, Mr. Reigns!" This fucking bitch. "I need to speak with you!"

He doesn't hesitate to dismiss her ass. "Sounds like a personal problem to me." It's never anything important, just her probably trying to bait his ass into donating more money to their already rich ass school. If it doesn't have to do with his girls, and he knows it doesn't, she can fuck off.

Roman finds slight amusement in the way her smile drops off into borderline shock as he hops into the drivers seat and slams the door shut. Also annoying cause when has he ever paid this bitch any mind?

Nevertheless, he's driving home when Leya asks, "is sissy better yet?"

He wishes. It'd be easier on all of them. "Not yet, baby." A glance at her through the rearview mirror reveals her disappointment. Lina really is her best friend and not being able to play with her has to be hard. "You want me to watch that....Brown guy show with you?"

For the life of him, he can never remember the name of that damn show that has a chokehold on all the children.

Leya giggles, and it puts a small smile on his face. He loves hearing his girls laugh. Any of them. "It's Bluey, daddy."

"Yeah, that too." Close enough. "You wanna watch it or not?"

She nods, grabbing and holding her stuffed animal. She doesn't say anything else, and he doesn't really expect her to. She talks when she feels like it, and he respects that. She's like her mom, but she's also like him. Of few words at times.

It's when they're home, and she's changed out of her uniform into something comfortable, he sits down with her as they share their dinner together. Roman making sure to use one of her pink sectional plates to ensure her food doesn't touch.

Cause he knows damn well she won't eat if it does.

And when she asks for ice cream afterwards, Neapolitan, of all flavors, he watches how she uses her spoon to separate all of said flavors.

"What if I just got you the three different flavors instead?" He has to ask. It's probably unhelpful in helping her learn to manage her compulsions, but it seems at least a bit more efficient than her current routine.

However, she shakes her head, explaining in her cute little voice, "it's not the same...."

Roman sighs. "Leya...." Might not be the best time but between the car seat, her needing to see him lock the car and the front door three times, her completing all of her homework yet again instead of doing some there at school and some at home, and now the ice cream, he has to say something. "You know we've gotta work on some of these things."

He doesn't need to say what said things are. She already knows.

Her gaze drops to the bowl of perfectly partitioned ice cream. "It's my brain."

He frowns. "What?"

She lazily moves her spoon around the bowl, explaining, "Tracy at school said my brain is bad and stupid, and that's why i have bad thoughts."

There's never a shortage of people on Roman's hit list. It grows and changes around every day. But, this lil Tracy bitch just made her way to the top of the fucking list.

Kid or no kid.

"Who's Tracy?" He's mindful of his tone, not wanting her to think his simmering anger is any way directed toward her. Like her mom, she can be very sensitive at times.

"She's in my class....." Was in her class, cause this little bitch with the old ass name of Tracy just earned herself an expulsion from the school. "I just don't want bad things to happen."

Her eyes watering is enough to have Roman get up from his own bar stool as he moves to lift her up, takes her seat and settles her onto his lap.

"Nothing bad is going to happen, okay?" He moves his thumb to her eyes, gently wiping her tears. "Daddy's always going to protect you, your sister, and your mom. I promise you that." With every part of his being, every fiber of his soul. "I know it's hard for you, but your mom and I are gonna help you."

And some of that help might include Roman having to set aside his pride and reservations about medicating Leya. The minute her therapist brought it up, he wanted to cuss her out. She's 7. That's too damn young to be on some mental health medication. But seeing and hearing in her own words how she views herself because of her OCD, it's more than enough to have him at least hear out her pediatrician.

He's pleased to see and even feel her spirits lifted a little, prompting him to take it a step further. "Can you smile for me?" She bites down on her bottom lip just like Solana, clearly suppressing said smile. "I know it's in there." His hand is barely on her stomach, tickling her when she bursts out into giggles, moving against him. Roman keeps his arm firm around her to keep her from falling. And he always will. "There it is...." Her smile is also Solana's. Through and through.

Leya presses her body into his chest. "Thank you, daddy."

He kisses the top of her head. Anything. Anything she needs or will ever need, he's got her. For life. "I love you, Cataleya."

[13timesihavedonethis]

Indulge - Viktor x reader drabble

Some Viktor fluff because working on the long angst fic has been bringing me down.

Warnings: Viktor not taking care of himself, rushed and not really proofread

Word count: 642

Desc.: Viktor likes to indulge in your care

Even in the early days of Hextech, it was a fight to get Viktor to rest even when he overworked himself into sickness. You would have to coax him with kisses and sweet nothings. Your voice always beckoned him back to bed each morning. Though, there was just so much for him and Jayce to learn about the Arcane and how to use it for good. They had just figured out how to create portals around the world to improve imports and exports! They couldn’t stop there. There were so many more projects to get done.

However, when you would look at him with a small pout telling him how he needs to take better care of himself, he felt a bit bad for making you worry. He also loved to indulge in your care. Maybe it was selfish of him to enjoy how you fussed over his health; he was happy to know for sure that you did care about him. You never let him feel unworthy or unseen when he was in your arms. So he let you pamper him every once in a while even if he had a mountain of work waiting for him at the lab.

On stormy days where his leg felt the worst, he would hold onto you for longer in the morning. Viktor would breathe you in and pepper kisses all over your face to wake you up. If that didn’t do the trick, he would call out to you using a dozen cute nicknames until you finally stirred. The way you look and the way your voice sounds in the morning never fails to get his heart racing. Upon hearing the crack of thunder, you would pull him down so his head was resting on your chest, and your heartbeat would lull him back to sleep. 

When he woke up again, you would help him over to the dining area where you’d have food and a warm cup of tea for him. It was your turn to cover his face in kisses while you went on and on about how handsome he is. The soft smile and blush he wore never left his face.Jayce always jokingly pestered him on those days—if you even let him leave the apartment—for being such a softie with you. 

When his health got drastically worse, it took a lot more effort on your part to get him to even take a long enough break to eat lunch and drink water. There wasn’t much time left for him to get his work done, and he told you that. You just didn’t seem to understand. He thought himself immune to your tactics to get him to rest, but he wasn’t prepared for you to come into the lab crying. Even worse, Jayce got up and left the two of you alone in the lab the very second you walked in. 

“I know you keep telling me you’re fine, but I know you’re not” you hiccupped. “Jayce and Heimerdinger and Sky have all kept me up to date with how you’re doing. Please, please take an off day with me again. You will have even less time if you refuse to take care of yourself.” 

A massive wave of guilt hit him hard at your words and tears. He’s known you really do care about him, but he didn’t realize how him not caring for himself would affect you. Viktor stood up supporting himself with a hand on his desk, and you rushed towards him enveloping him in a hug. He nuzzled his face into your neck and breathed you in for the first time in way too long. With you by his side, he went back to the apartment and let you pamper him. It truly had been far too long since he let himself indulge in your care.

Note: If there are any mistakes, please let me know! I am still working on the longer fic, but because it handles darker themes such as drug addiction and mental health disorders, I am making sure I am doing my best to accurately portray those things. Probably expect more of these small cute things while I work on that one :)

[bloomzone]

can u please make a how to improve urself ^^ also I love ur acc so much and u bring me so much peace at mind ^^

Thank you so much for appreciating my account! Your support truly means a lot to me, and I’m so glad my content brings you peace >⁠.⁠<. so first Self-improvement doesn’t have to be overwhelming. No pressure just small thoughtful steps. You don’t have to change everything at once ofc Take your time and choose one category each month to work on. Remember, it’s all about progress, not perfection. You’re on your own journey and every little step counts. And u can create other categories that align with ur needs !

before we start here's 5 questions to ask urself before starting this journey

1. Why do I want to improve myself?

What is my true motivation for making a change?

2. What areas of my life do I want to focus on?

Which specific aspects of my life do I want to improve first?

3. What are my strengths, and how can I use them?

How can I leverage my strengths to make this journey easier?

4. What are my current obstacles or limiting beliefs?

What challenges or beliefs might be holding me back from improvement?

5. Am I ready to be patient and consistent?

Am I prepared to stay consistent and trust the process, even when it's hard?

1. Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is about controlling your emotions and responding to situations in a calm, rational way, even when you’re stressed or angry.

How to improve:

Identify triggers: Start by recognizing what sets off your emotional responses. Is it a person, a situation, or something in your environment?

Pause before reacting: When you feel your emotions rising, take a deep breath or count to 10 before reacting.

Practice mindfulness: Engage in regular mindfulness activities like meditation or deep breathing exercises to help you stay present and manage emotions.

Express emotions healthily: Instead of bottling up feelings, learn how to express them through journaling or talking to someone you trust.

2. Building Consistency

Consistency is key to turning any habit into something sustainable. Whether it’s exercise, work, or personal development, consistency helps you progress.

How to improve:

Start small: Begin with manageable goals. For example, if you’re trying to work out, aim for just 10-15 minutes a day.

Create routines: Build habits by attaching them to something you already do. For example after brushing ur teeth do a quick stretch ect ..

Track progress: Use a habit tracker or journal to monitor your consistency and reward yourself for sticking with it.

Don’t be too hard on yourself: If you miss a day or slip up, don’t give up entirely. Get back on track the next day without guilt.you will be disciplined

3. Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to understand your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and how they affect others. It’s essential for personal growth and development.

How to improve:

Daily reflection: Spend 5 minutes each day thinking about how you felt and acted. What went well? What could you improve?

Ask for feedback: Don’t be afraid to ask close friends or family how they perceive you, and listen to their feedback with an open mind.

Practice mindfulness: Regularly engage in activities that help you stay present, like meditation or journaling. This helps you observe your thoughts without judgment.

Notice patterns: Pay attention to recurring thoughts or behaviors that might need to change. Are you always reacting negatively in certain situations? What triggers it? It's soooo normal !

4. Setting Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is about knowing when to say no and protecting your energy they are essential to maintaining your mental health and relationships.

How to improve:

Identify your limits: Think about situations or behaviors that drain you emotionally or physically. These are your boundaries.

Communicate clearly: When you feel your boundaries are being crossed, calmly assert yourself. You don’t have to be rude, just firm and clear.

Learn to say no: Saying no isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for your well-being. Practice politely declining things that don’t serve your best interests.

Protect your time: Be mindful of how you spend your time. If something or someone consistently takes more than they give, it’s okay to step back.

5. Productivity Without Burnout

Being productive doesn’t mean being busy all the time. It’s about working smarter, not harder, and allowing yourself rest to avoid burnout.

How to improve:

Prioritize your tasks: Use the Eisenhower Matrix (urgent vs. important) to decide which tasks need your attention now and which can wait.

Break tasks into chunks: Divide big tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. This makes them feel less overwhelming and easier to tackle.

Take breaks: Use techniques like the Pomodoro Technique—work for 25 minutes, then take a 5-minute break. It helps keep your mind fresh.

Don’t multitask: Focus on one task at a time for better efficiency and mental clarity.

6. Self-Care & Rest

Self-care is essential for maintaining both mental and physical health it’s about honoring your body and mind’s need for rest and nourishment.

How to improve:

Sleep: Aim for 7 to 9 hours of sleep every night. Sleep is critical for physical health, mental clarity, and emotional balance. (It's not easy to have a full 8h or 9h of sleep but at least u need to wake up next day feeling good !)

Take mental health days: Don’t hesitate to take a break when you need it. Mental rest is just as important as physical rest to also avoid burnout

Nourish your body: Eat balanced meals with whole foods. Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated. Your body will thank you for it. Cuz drinking water help to avoid headaches

Have fun: Engage in activities you love, whether it’s reading, cooking, painting, or just relaxing with a good movie...

7. Improving Social Skills

Good social skills can help you build relationships, collaborate, and feel more connected. Being social doesn’t mean u HAVE to be extravored but it means knowing how to connect with others.

How to improve:

Active listening: Practice listening more than you speak. Show interest in what others say by making eye contact, nodding, and responding thoughtfully.

Be genuinely curious: Ask open-ended questions that encourage conversation. Show a genuine interest in others' experiences and perspectives.

Be authentic: Don’t try to fit into a mold. Let people see the real you and be honest about your thoughts and feelings.

Practice empathy: Put yourself in others’ shoes. Understand their emotions and reactions to build stronger connections.

8. Resilience

Resilience is your ability to bounce back from challenges, disappointments, or failures. It’s not about avoiding hardship, but about navigating through it with strength and grace.

How to improve:

Change your perspective: Instead of seeing challenges as obstacles, view them as opportunities for growth. What can you learn from this?

Develop a support system: Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage you during tough times.

Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself when things go wrong. Understand that setbacks are a natural part of the journey.

Keep going, no matter what: Sometimes, the best thing you can do is keep moving forward, even if it’s just one small step at a time.

9. Time Management & Planning

Time management it’s being intentional with how you use your time and energy.

How to improve:

Use a planner or digital tool: Write down your tasks, appointments, and goals for the week. This will help you stay organized and on track.

Set specific, realistic goals: Don’t overestimate what you can do. Be realistic about what can be achieved within a day or week.

Eliminate distractions: Find ways to stay focused by limiting distractions—turn off notifications, create a quiet workspace, or use website blockers.

Evaluate your progress: At the end of each week, review what you’ve accomplished and adjust your schedule accordingly it will keep u motivated

10. Financial Management (Simple Basics)

You don’t need to be an expert to improve your financial habits. It’s about getting into the practice of managing your money wisely.

How to improve:

Track your spending: Write down where your money goes each month. Understanding your spending habits is the first step to managing your finances.

Set a budget: Allocate a certain amount for savings, bills, and personal expenses each month. Stick to it.

Save a little at a time: Even if you can only save a small amount, start. Create a savings habit so that it becomes second nature.

Avoid impulse purchases: Before buying something, ask yourself if it’s necessary. Give yourself time to think before making a purchase.

this glow up list can also help u !! [click here]

@bloomzone