#and it all feels so big and i am very small

[sambitez]

Here is the post that everyone is waiting for regarding Killerbait/kat/kit. 

I just want to preface by saying, if this blog gets confusing at any point, I am willing to answer questions that anyone has. I will NOT be exposing her real name or identity to the public. As there are pedophiles that interacted with her and could potentially cause harm if they became obsessive enough. I am all too familiar with the way that the online-world works and I do not wish any form of physical harm on her. After all, I knew Kat & loved her for nearly four years. 

I’m going to try to keep this as simple as I can so everyone can understand. But breaking down almost four years of details will get complicated. 

So let’s start from the beginning:

I met Kat during my sophomore year of high school. I was 15 at the time and she was 15 as well. We are the same age, I am just a few months older than her. Which makes us BOTH currently the age of 17. We are both still minors. We became friends very quickly and connected over TLOU because we both made edits of the game and met through TikTok which is how we even became associated with each other. I had a girlfriend at the time, but we both had (unstated) feelings for each other than didn’t get acted on until late into my junior year. In the mean time, she had a different girlfriend after realizing that I wasn’t “available.” We remained friends throughout this entire period of time, there were instances where we didn’t speak as much just because I have a very busy life and so did she. Towards the end of her and her ex girlfriend’s relationship, we got close again, and I even got close with her ex girlfriend. We had a group chat together and we all spoke everyday for a couple of weeks until eventually, her and her girlfriend’s relationship came to an end. Which brings me into the next chapter of Kat and I’s life “together.” 

Me and Kat started dating in December of 2023. And we broke up as of this Tuesday. We were together for a year and three months. Our relationship was completely okay up until around August/September. We started fighting over things but they always got resolved and things would be fine, until inevitably they weren’t. And I have just found out yesterday, that she had actually reached out to her ex girlfriend- claiming I was “aggressive” and that there were “other girls.” Both of which are false allegations against me and the person that I am. I would never have considered cheating on Kat, even when she started treating me like I was less than a person to her. 

Here is the proof of her and her ex girlfriends conversation about me with time stamps: 

This all happened in August, as you can see. We later broke up once in December almost directly after we had hit our one year. I broke up with her because of the mistreatment and then a small miscommunication that was genuinely just the last straw for me. I wish I would’ve kept things that way. But she insisted that we stayed friends and still spoke afterwards, we kept each other on social media, and we both made the mistakes of staying in contact after the break up- which inevitably led to us getting back together after three days.  

After that it just never got better. It was another draining 3-4 months of begging to be treated like a person. I begged her to love me, I begged her to care about my successes, I begged her to care about my problems when I had them, I just begged. I did a LOT of begging. And she could typically only give me the words “I’ll try to do better” or “I’m sorry.” Occasionally though, she would give a genuine apology. Occasionally. 

On Monday, March 10th of 2025, I asked her if we could call once or twice a month. As we barely ever called. I never even FaceTimed this girl. She never wanted to and would refuse. Calling is very important to me because quality time is one of my verrryyy big love languages. So It really meant something when I got to call her, I truly cherished every moment with her. But she would deny my request almost every time. Which is why I proposed  the idea of calling 1-2 times a month. To which she said “I can try” and when I was upset and started texting dryly, she did not respond. She just asked if she could go to sleep. To which I said yes, and then later that evening before I went to bed- I sent her a text telling her “if you don’t love me anymore, it’s okay. You can leave and I won’t stop you.” That morning when I woke up, I saw her response and she told me that she “no longer saw me as a girlfriend, and loved me more as a friend.” And when I asked her if we could fix it, she told me “I hope so.” Which is when I knew it was over. And I told her we should probably break up. 

Here is the proof of that conversation as well: 

The SS below is the second convo we had that day. Where I asked her if she had me blocked on tumblr. Because last time we broke up she posted about me, but nothing to this extent. I admit I was gonna look if she did, as any ex normally would lol… but I never expected to see the things she posted this time around.

After all of this. Things only got worse, as all of you guys know. Whether you are fans, haters, or neutral on her as a person. We all saw her account go “downhill” as most sane people would say. She started posting her nudes on the Internet and publicly sexting potential adults and minors, as well as saying that they could rape her. 

This is all while she is also a minor. She is 17 years old. Seven. teen. 

Here is the proof I can provide of that:

Killerbait enabling rape:

And her admitting to it, knowing that it is wrong, since some of you guys are saying that she “might not know better.”:

Proof that Killerbait is a minor:

This is a conversation between me and her mother. I’m keeping it cropped because I want NO part in any form of doxxing or harm towards her family. Or her, for that matter. Which is a big reason why I’m even doing this in the first place. I am SPREADING AWARENESS….:

This is a birthday post I made for her, the date is at the top of the post: 

And to provide more proof that she is a habitual liar, here is her lying about texting her ex-girlfriend about me “cheating.” Saying that she “never did that.”: 

This is proven to be a lie, as in the screenshots I uploaded above in this blog, show that she OBVIOUSLY messaged her ex girlfriend- claiming I cheated on her, as well as saying I was “aggressive.”  

I think that is all. This is all the proof that I have. If there are any questions please feel free to ask. I know I said this was solely about revenge, as I am very angry and hurt. I was molested from ages 6-11 by my own family member. The fact that she is capitalizing off of this kind of topic is sickening. And the fact that she is exposing herself online to potential predators, is sickening as well. I am with everyone when they say that they hope she gets the help that she needs. I genuinely hope that she stays safe and she recovers from everything that she has gone through/is going through. But she needs to stay off of the internet. There will always be creeps lurking, preying on girls just like her. I want to put an end to this.

Thank you to everyone who spent their time reading this and trying to understand the situation. I do not care about “sides” being taken. I just want her to be safe. 

(I also want to note that, after knowing her for four years. She never once mentioned having any trauma regarding rape. So throw that excuse for her behavior out the window.)

[tbposting]

I always saw Cloud's affected personality as a sort of messed up mixture of Zack and Sephiroth, with probably a lot more weight towards Sephiroth than Zack, initially.

Like, Cloud's behaviour on the first reactor mission? I think that's him projecting pure Sephiroth - cool, disaffected, brooding, introspective, his "I am better than what I'm doing and I'm better than everyone here" projection reads to me very much like how Cloud must have perceived Sephiroth's morose standoffishness at Nibelheim.

I don't think the Zack part of his fake personality really comes out... until he meets Aerith. I think that's the thing that makes him remember Zack less as Cool SOLDIER Big Brother and more as the cheerful, pleasant, slightly goofy person that he actually was. And I think the Zack persona is brought out in no small part because Aerith's total refusal to buy or be put off his tough guy mercenary act forces him to switch gears. Cloud is forming his identity at this point almost entirely off of what he intuitively feels like will project the right kind of SOLDIER masculinity towards whoever he's talking to. Being an edgy jackass with Barrett helps keep a protective, alienating wall up with him, but he struggles to do it with Tifa, who can consistently cut through to his heart and his actual personality screaming underneath it all.

And Aerith? She 1) plays along with his nonsense, but specifically she plays along, clearly understanding that it is nonsense, and 2) absolutely refuses to allow his nonsense to erect an actual barrier between them. Cloud absolutely cannot control her emotional engagement with him the same way he can with Barrett, or halfway can with Tifa. So he pivots to Zack's easy charm instead, and Aerith, understandably, is charmed by it.

And it's all just so achingly tragic, because literally everyone that Cloud pretends to be either Zack or Sephiroth Lite with would absolutely adore the real him if he would just let them meet him... and Aerith is going to pass away before she gets the chance to really do that.

I mean, she knows, long before Cloud does, and she makes her decision to leave the party in no small part because she knows and wants to do what she can to protect Cloud from himself. But... god, it really does hurt that Cloud never gets a chance to truly show himself to her.

Cloud actually did a very bad job emulating Zack's persona, because the defining trait of Cloud-as-Zack is "cool", and Zack wasn't actually cool but he was to Cloud. Zack views Cloud getting to live as a relief and Cloud views it as a curse. Zack thinks saving Cloud was his One Good Thing and Cloud thinks of Zack as the ideal hero and himself as the Mistake. Zack would probably been overjoyed when Cloud recovered his memories because up until his death Zack never really came to terms with The Concept Of Zack Fair, but we know he loved The Person That Is Cloud Strife.

[luciaintheskyainthi]

I just realized that May never got the chance to show Peter's baby photos to Jason... and now I need some shenanigans where Peter is turned into a child and Jason needs to take care of him.

I've had this sitting in my inbox for TOO LONG but I wanted to write a little drabble for it and needed the spoons for it!!! I'm finally forcing myself tho because this is getting embarrassing.

"Okay, so don't be mad."

"Says the guy I'm about to be real mad at," Jason predicted, not even bothering to look up from his favourite grappling gun. The trigger felt sticky on the last swing and Jason wasn't dumb enough to take any chances.

"It's Peter."

That got Jason's attention. His head snapped up and Dick took a step back, hands up like he expected Jason to shoot him with the grappling gun.

"What about Peter," Jason said, choosing to be the bigger man. He didn't set the grappling gun down, though. Dick eyed it nervously.

"So... you know how there was that rumour about a new magic user kicking around Burnley?"

"You're right, I am about to be mad."

"I didn't even-- I told you not to be -- crap, doesn't matter. So Peter and--"

Jason held up his hand. The one with the gun. Dick's mouth snapped shut.

"Start from the beginning," he commanded, "and maybe I won't be earning my way to the tippy-top of the sibling food chain."

"I mean, technically, Cass is older than you--"

Jason tilted his head and cocked a brow. Dick caved.

"Okay, so Peter and Steph were patrolling Burnley when they came across the magic user--"

"They're calling themselves Wild Child," piped up a Tim who had up to then been doing a very poor job of pretending not to be listening in.

"Yes, thank-you Timmy. So they tried to apprehend Wild Child while they were attempting to rob a bank."

Jason frowned. Stopping the robbery of a bank at night wasn't especially Peter's style. Victimless crimes and all that. But he allowed Dick to carry on. He was feeling temporarily magnanimous.

"Pretty sure Steph just wanted to mock them about their choice of name," Tim explained, catching Jason's disbelief.

And -- yep. Yep, that made a whole lot more sense. Seriously, who thought pairing Peter and Steph together was remotely a good idea? Granted, they had excellent results -- most crooks turned right back around the moment word got out that Spider-Man and Spoiler were on the hunt together -- but Gotham was just as likely to end up embroiled in chaos as it was a resolution with those two in cahoots.

"So they came across Wild Child turning an ATM into a cow. " Dick grimaced. "Engaged before they could take a knife to it."

"Cash cow. Seriously?"

"They took the name Wild Child. Do you expect any better?"

"If you're about to tell me that Peter and Steph got--"

"Jason!"

The high-pitched voice -- a child's voice -- stopped Jason in his tracks. He'd shoved the grappling gun away before he'd even located the origin of the speaker.

Alfred had emerged in the cave, carrying a tray of -- milk and cookies? Didn't matter. What mattered was the pair of tiny children -- what the fuck, when were kids allowed to be that small? -- skipping along beside him, as cool as you please despite the fuckass dinosaur and the giant coin and that stupid fucking jester card that by all rights should have stolen their attention.

A blonde and a brunette. The latter had big brown eyes and a grin that was far too familiar.

Jason turned on Dick with dread. The metal stairs thundered as the kids flew down. T-minus ten seconds.

"Tell me they fucking didn't," he begged.

Dick's grin was wincing. "They absolutely fucking did. Sorry?"

"Language," said Tim, smug enough Jason would have thrown hands then and there were it not for the children.

[w0rmss]

Jason todd nsfw alphabet

sorry for another one of these. I have no ideas and am lowkey sick rn so these are easy.

But feel free to request anything guys I got no ideas so please feed me so I can feed you or something profound like that.

I also am very into the kinda Jason that isn't sex mad but just enjoys it and enjoys his partner wanting and enjoying it.

Anyways enjoy

A: Aftercare: Great at it. Anything you need he's got for you. Anything your didn't know you want he's also got for you. Waiting on you hand and foot after pound town

B: Body part. He doesn't have a favourite body part of his he has such a love hate relationship with his body. He loves your collarbone and the crock of your neck. He loves to kiss there or bury his face and inhale you.

C: Cum. He likes to come inside. Condom or not it's just cleaner that way and less fumbling. He also finds it more intimate

D: Dirty little secret. He loves the romantic parts of your sex life. The soft sex the movie make outs the calm things. He has this big tough exterior but he really loves the soft sweet moments

E: Experience. Now controversial take. He has a bit of experience but isn't like crazy crazy experienced like a few exes here or there maybe an odd in night stand. But he ain't dick tim or bruce level experienced

F: favourite position. Missionary basic but he likes to see your face or be able to bury hid head in your neck. He also likes lotus which is where you basically sit cross legged and your partner sits on top. Same reason

G: Goofy. He's serious. Like he's focused on getting you off and making sure you have a good time he's not young around

H: Hair. Very very well groomed. Not balled but neat not a hair out of place

I: Intimacy. As I've stated he's very intimate. He loves seeing your face kissing you passionately etc

J: jacking off. No. He just doesn't need to he has you and craves the Intimacy of sex more so than sex sex

K: Kinks. Very very vanilla but enjoys overstimulating you

L: location. Bed. Or couch he's very private maybe in the shower if you ask but he prefers the softer quite spaces

M: Motivation. If you're in the mood then so is he. Sometimes it's just when a make out gets to much and he needs more too

N: Nos. Pain or exhibitionism

O: Oral. Giver. Massive giver like will come in his pants from giving you head

P: Pace. Slow and deep.

Q: Quickies. Not really. If you want one he's happy to but he diesn really like them he prefers taking his time and showing you all the love he can

R: Risks. He's not risky at all. Like he might try something small if you ask but he's not bring nothing to the table

S: Stamina. 3 plus rounds

T: Toys. Not really if you want to sure but he loves seeing you get off because of him

U: Unfair. He's not a tease at all. But he will 'accidentally' overstimulate you

V: Volume. Quiet a few grunts and moans here and there but they're not very loud

W: Wild card. As said he has gotten off to going down on you and he fucking loves it. It's his favourite way to get off

X: X ray. Big boy like thick and veiny round 7 inches give more so than take

Y: Yearning. He does really seek sex as I've said but he always wants to be touching you in some way sexual or not. Holding hands hands on yiru hips lips on your neck.

Z: zzz. He likes to watch you fall asleep before he does. Knowing your happy and safe makes him feel happy and safe.

Thank you hope you enjoyed

Feel free to request like reply repost. I love all the support I get from you guys thank you.

Stay safe

Have a wonderful day night afternoon etc

[butchreg]

caregiver jinx headcanons !! ⤷ featuring : big sis ! jinx 𓈒 middle reader 𓈒 healing together 𓈒

requested by 🪶 ! i cannot believe i've never posted jinx headcanons before !! i have so many jinx agere thoughts (i am literally her fur real 𓈒) find my arcane masterlist here & my upcoming list here 𓈒

jinx is a big sister caregiver rather than a mama or parental cg ! she is very adamant about this , teasing vi and sevika for being more parental cgs because it means they're "ooold" 𓈒 jinx absolutely melts when you call her sis or sissy , giving your nose a playful boop and giggling brightly 𓈒

jinx can be a bit bossy , as most big sisters can be but she means well 𓈒 she loves telling you what to do , at times getting a big head , looking down expectantly at you with her hands on her hips 𓈒 you don't dare defy her when she gets that serious look on her face 𓈒

jinx who loves messing around and playing with you ! she's always tickling you when you least expect it , crowing delightedly when you squirm unable to hold in giggles of your own𓈒 she'll leave little notes and trinkets around for you to find as well𓈒 she's always down to rough house & play fight , though there are times she'll struggle when you're feeling more vulnerable𓈒

jinx who makes you special custom gear ! she's always in her workshop welding something , or wildly painting another masterpiece for her little sib , ending up covered in brightly colored splotches𓈒 you think her protective gear is sooo awesome ! she gets you your own little welding goggles so you can be just like her although she doesn't want you using her tools and getting hurt𓈒 your favorite thing she's made you is your mobile !

jinx's hair is very important to her as you know𓈒 typically she's not fond of others touching it but she allows you to play with and style it if you're having a hard day𓈒 you're always begging her to braid yours just like hers which makes her smile delightedly , tousling your shorter hair with a snort laugh𓈒

you who attempts to resist haircuts , wanting yours to grow out as long as hers𓈒 jinx'll have to chase you , coaxing and pestering you about it despite your fussing𓈒 she's very determined always finding a way to bribe you into letting her cut it𓈒 you'll grump and attempt to evade the scissors making your cut choppy but she's quite proud of her handiwork𓈒

jinx is always dying your hair wild colors ! you wanted to have blue hair just like her𓈒 although you were a little shy to tell her at first she thinks it's awesome and is super eager to help , telling you how cool you look when it's done𓈒

not big on rules𓈒 she doesn't mind if you're messy or feel the need to police what time you go to bed𓈒 she's your cool older sister , if you need to be scolded vi or cait will step in𓈒

jinx loves doing crafts with you ! you two make friendship bracelets & kandi all the time together , making matching bracelets and you showing jinx how to make all the complex patterns𓈒

she's always calling you silly nicknames like "goober" and "gremlin" , making silly faces at you to make you laugh and challenging you to staring contests 𓈒 she takes them super seriously and is always trying to play dirty to get you to break first𓈒

tagging with jinx & getting covered in spray paint despite your weak attempts not to get messy𓈒 she helps guide your small hand with the can , adding your own touch to her elaborate tag𓈒

jinx is not good with super young regressors like babies or toddlers given the amount of responsibility and strict rules that type of caretaking comes with𓈒 she's a bit tentative about taking care of you at first , anxious she won't be capable enough or good enough to take on a big sister role𓈒 she knows she has a reputation and for good reason aside from her trouble with discussing and regulating her emotions but over time your regression proves to be a healing experience for both of you𓈒

[liliasenbyhusband]

Play stupid games

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joanne x reader (company, f!Bobbie)

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, use of strong language, smut, a bit of awkwardness.. that’s it I think?

Tags: smut, angst and fluff, J riding r thigh, fingering (r receiving), switch!Joanne, switch!reader, hickeys, love confessions, domestic fluff, cuddling

Notes: I have to start out by thanking @imorynn once again for beta reading this, listening to my rants about this chapter, and for giving me life with her live comments 🙂‍↕️ thank you so much, my friend, I appreciate you very much 🫂🫶🏻

Secondly, I still am not the greatest smut writer, so I hope it is still an enjoyable read. I also want to take a second to thank everyone who has taken their time to read this series and an extra thanks to the people that have left comments, they truly always make my day 🫶🏻🥰

Now on to the fic!

Words: ~6.8K

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

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Chapter 5: Change the prophecy

You anxiously waited in front of Joanne’s door, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. Today had been incredibly strange and had left you feeling so many emotions that you could barely keep up. Especially your phone call with Joanne.. you still didn’t really understand what had happened. You had gone from relieved and hopeful when you had seen her name flash across your screen, to confused when she hadn’t said a word, to angry and heartbroken when she refused to answer a simple question, making you fear that you already knew the answer and it wasn’t the one you had hoped it would be, and then back to worried and confused at Joanne’s strange behaviour.

And now you were standing in front of her door, your mind coming up with every worst case scenario, telling you she definitely regretted last night and had asked you to come over so she could tell you that it all had been one big mistake and that she hoped you both could forget it. Before you could continue to spiral the door opened and your eyes landed on Joanne’s form, she looked like she was even more anxious than you.. if that was even possible.

She stepped aside to let you in without saying a word, the tension in the air was palpable and you feared it would crush you under its weight if either of you didn’t speak up soon. The feelings whirling inside you made it difficult for you to stay grounded and in the present. You walked inside and automatically made your way over to your usual spot on the couch.

Your anxiety only grew worse as the silence continued to put its unbearable weight on your chest, there was so much you wanted to say, to ask, but you couldn’t bring yourself to, not before you heard what Joanne had to say. You could already guess it was nothing positive… she rarely was this serious and by the way she had acted during your phone call you knew something was wrong. The anger, sadness and hurt you had felt earlier were still very much present but they were currently overtaken by worry.

Joanne finally spoke up, her voice cutting through your thoughts, her eyes flitting from the floor to the wall and behind you to the door, looking anywhere but at you. She sounded scared and small, like she was standing face to face with a large predator. A frown made its way to your face as your worry grew and you fought the urge to reach out to her, to hold her hand in your own. No matter how much she had hurt you, seeing her like this made you want to do whatever you could to comfort her.

“I shouldn’t have left.. this morning… I..I just..”

A groan fell from her lips, you could tell she was starting to get frustrated.. with what or whom you weren’t entirely sure. You could hear the genuine regret in her voice, though that did little to calm your nerves. You began to wonder whether she regretted leaving or the fact that she had woken up in your bed in the first place.

“I thought it would be for the better… then I wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of my own actions..”

Your heart sank as you heard her speak those words, tears filling your eyes but you refused to shed them. Had she really regretted last night that much? Had she hated yesterday so much that she couldn’t bear to face reality.. couldn’t bear to face you the next morning? You wanted to speak, to ask her, but you couldn’t get anything past the lump in your throat so you just let her continue. You watched her as her hands nervously fiddled with the hem of her skirt, while you fought the tears that threatened to spill.

“I realise now that it was unfair to you… and that it left us both with more questions than answers.. so.. I.. I want to rectify that and explain myself.”

Joanne’s voice shook as she talked, she was rambling, like this was a speech she had learned by heart and needed to get out now, before she forgot the words.. or lost the courage to say them. Your frown deepened as you studied her features, trying to find any clue as to what she was about to say next, so you could prepare yourself, your heart, for the inevitable devastating blow that was about to follow.

“Yesterday was…”

‘A mistake, wrong, a one time thing’ your mind unhelpfully finished Joanne’s sentence for her. You bit your lip harshly to try and stop yourself from crying, while you tried your best to focus on Joanne’s words. You looked at the floor, you couldn’t bear to look at her while she would undoubtedly crush all your hopes and dreams.

“perfect.. and then this morning I woke up and all I could think about was how I would inevitably ruin it… like I always do.”

You looked up, shock clearly written all over your features. For the first time since you had arrived Joanne’s eyes met your own. The intensity of the emotions whirling behind those beautiful brown eyes knocked the wind out of you. Never before had she let her eyes display her emotions so openly. You could see hurt, regret, fear and anxiety swirl behind those eyes.. and there was something else, something fighting to make itself known but still being pushed down by the woman in front of you.

“So I left… fled before I could hurt you... before you could regret everything…I’m sorry but I just couldn’t risk tainting you with my baggage.”

She stopped for a moment, she seemed to be mulling something over, uncertainty now joining the many other emotions you could see behind those eyes. Your own emotions became more turbulent, part of you was worried, she had just apologised for the second time in the span of an hour… you had never seen this side of Joanne before, so scared, so small.. you barely even recognized her. You took Joanne’s hand in your own, giving it a gentle squeeze, hoping to be able to give her some sort of comfort.

It looked like she wanted to say something else, but she stopped herself and was now looking at you expectantly. And suddenly it hit you that it was your turn to speak.. you weren’t sure what to say.. you were still trying to make sense of everything Joanne had said.

You weren’t quite sure how you felt.. you had your own internal war waging. Part of you understood, you knew Joanne… or well you had thought you did… you had been aware of her more self conscious side.. but you had no idea it plagued her this badly. Had she really thought this lowly of herself all along? Was she truly convinced that she could only ever ruin you? Your heart broke for her and you wished she could see herself through your eyes. Then she would see the caring, funny and beautiful woman you saw when she allowed you to peer through the cracks in her walls. But part of you was still hurt, wanted more answers, needed to know what this meant for you two in the future. Her words still didn’t make complete sense to you.

You had so much to say, so much to ask, but you couldn’t find the words, nothing felt right. You wanted to soothe the ache she was so clearly feeling but didn’t know how.. Joanne had been right.. this was complicated. You were about to start speaking, unsure of what to say but no longer able to bear this silence, but before your first word could make it past your lips, Joanne began to speak again, seemingly surprising herself.

“Do you regret it.. spending the night with me?”

She blurted the question out, her voice wavering near the end of her sentence. It took you by surprise, you hadn’t expected her to speak again, and you definitely hadn’t expected this question. You could see even more fear and worry fill her captivating eyes, drowning out most other emotions, except for the one that she had been repressing this entire time.. the one you couldn’t put a name on.

“No. Not even a little.”

Your voice came out steadier and stronger than you felt, but you wanted to make sure that she believed you when you told her. You would do it all over again, even if you knew that she would leave the next morning. You had never felt as whole as you did when Joanne had been in your arms, and you would give anything to feel that whole again.. even if it would be ripped away again the next morning.

Joanne seemed to be searching your eyes for something else, something more… or maybe she was just trying to check if you were speaking the truth.. you didn’t dare say anything with certainty anymore. You followed up your statement with a question of your own.

“Do you?”

Your voice was void of any of the strength it held previously. You weren’t sure what you would do if she said she regretted it.. could you even remain friends after that? Your heart was racing inside your chest as you awaited her answer.

“No. I only regret not staying.”

You exhaled a breath you didn’t know you had been holding, feeling relief wash over you, though confusion soon followed. You were unsure of what her earlier words had meant… you had thought she was telling you that she regretted the evening and couldn’t bear to face the consequences of the night you had spent together. You studied Joanne’s features and tried to make sense of the situation but failed completely.

Joanne’s lower lip wobbled a little and you could see the frustration grow on her features as her brow furrowed. She took a deep breath, her voice a little steadier as she asked the next question, although her eyes betrayed the growing terror inside her.

“Was it just a way to blow off some steam for you?”

You were a little shocked by the question, you thought you had been quite obvious last night… but then again you also thought that Joanne had basically admitted to liking you back last night, only for her to disappear the next day so.. maybe you should stop making assumptions.

Your heart hammered inside your chest as your rational side told you to lie, told you to take the safe path.. that way if Joanne wanted it to be a one night stand, you could go back to being friends and nothing had to change. But you couldn’t lie to her, not when it came to something as important as this.. not when you could potentially hurt the woman in front of you, when she had been brave enough to ask the questions that you hadn’t been able to voice.

“No, no of course not! I.. had wanted to do that for a long time and then when you were so clearly jealous I…well.. I assumed we felt the same.. and I thought I had been quite obvious last night when we… that it was more than just lust and desire. I-”

You stopped yourself from rambling on and let go of Joanne’s hand. You began fidgeting with your fingers, looking down at your hands, unable to continue looking at the woman in front of you. You had just basically handed her your heart on a silver platter. Sure you were being vague, but even with these simple sentences you had given her the power to smash your already battered heart into a million bits and pieces. Your anxiety spiked so much that you felt nauseous, and your head was reeling with all the possible ways this could go horribly wrong.

The silence dragged on for what felt like an eternity, your mind convinced you that this silence wasn’t a good sign. You were about to tell Joanne to just forget everything you said when she finally spoke up. Her voice was hurried, like she was trying to get the words out before she could change her mind.

“I love you... I’m in love with you.. and it scares me. But we can never happen, because once you get to really know me, you will end up hating me and I will lose you completely and I can’t.. I can’t lose you.”

You looked up at her after the first three words and saw the conflicting emotions in her eyes. The sadness, the hurt, the fear and then the feeling you hadn’t been able to figure out… love… it was so obvious now.. how had you not realised it sooner? The happiness you felt at her confession, at knowing she felt the same way, was quickly erased when she continued. You could hear the terror in her voice, the pain behind her words and it ached.. ached to see her so fearful, so sure that nothing good could ever come from loving or being loved by her.

You watched as a tear made its way past her defenses, so you gently cupped her cheek and wiped it away with your thumb as you looked at her with nothing but love, understanding and care in your eyes. Your own pain was forgotten, the only thing that mattered now was to somehow make the woman in front of you understand that even if her hands disintegrated your heart by simply touching it, you would still gladly hand it over, it was already hers anyway.

Joanne leaned into your touch and looked up at you with unshed tears in her eyes and you could tell she was fighting to not raise up her walls once again, to defend her heart and never let anyone in, ever again.

When you spoke, your voice was soft yet steady, you made sure to look into her eyes so she could see the care and love you felt for her clearly displayed in your own.

“You could never lose me, I have been yours for longer than I care to admit and nothing you do could change that. No matter what happens after today, no matter what we decide to do, my heart will remain here with you, in its rightful place, your beautiful hands.”

You took her hands in your own once again and lifted them up to your mouth, gently kissing them both as you looked into her eyes before continuing.

“What you choose to do with it is up to you, it’s yours now. Whether you tear it up to pieces or treat it as a precious artifact, it doesn’t matter. I know you, I have seen the real Joanne, and it’s that Joanne that I have fallen madly and irrevocably in love with.”

Earlier your fear may have made you doubt whether you knew her at all, but knowing what you did now, after having been allowed to look past her defenses and into her heart, you were more certain than ever that you knew her, that you had gotten to see the real woman behind the façade that she had created to protect herself.

Joanne stared up at you, the whirlwind behind her eyes intensified, your words of devotion stirring something deep within her. Terror and love seemed to be battling one another as she tried to find the words to respond to you.

You waited patiently, despite your words and the steadiness of your voice, you weren’t as calm as you seemed. Your heart was hammering inside your chest, it had taken all of your strength and courage to speak so openly about your feelings, and that courage and strength were now being tested as silence had once again filled the air.

“If you’re willing to risk your heart.. then.. then so am I.”

Your heart skipped a beat as her words reached your ears, you could barely believe this was actually happening, this definitely wasn’t how you expected this to go, but you weren’t complaining. You couldn’t stop the smile that made its way to your face as you watched the corners of Joanne’s mouth twitch into a small and timid smile of her own.

As you looked into her eyes you could see the war she had been fighting earlier still seemed to be waging beneath the surface. Though it was clear that one side was winning, luckily for you it was the side you were rooting for.

“So what do we do now? … You’d think I’d be better at this after three marriages..”

The laugh that followed was filled with both joy and anxiety. You knew what she was doing, trying to diffuse the situation with a joke, trying to hide how terrified she really was, but you saw right through it, you didn’t even need to peer through the cracks in her walls anymore, because her walls had come down, and you could see her clear as day now.

“Now you let me take you out on a proper date.”

You sounded confident and determined, and although you might still feel a little nervous, those nerves were overshadowed by the happiness and disbelief you were currently feeling. Although those in turn couldn’t compare to the intensity of the love you currently felt for Joanne.

“I’m free tomorrow.”

You didn’t miss the mischievous glint in her eyes as she spoke. You raised your eyebrow questioningly, you had expected her to demand you take her on a date right this second.. keeping yesterday’s impatience and the clear eagerness in her voice in mind. But before you could question her on it, she continued.

“Today we’re spending the rest of the day in here. I have some making up to do.”

You laughed, completely shocked at how she had suddenly turned into her bossy self again. Normally you would have rolled your eyes at her demands and teased her a little before giving in, but right now you were just too happy to see Joanne regain some of her confidence, without her putting her walls back up.

“And what kind of making up did you have in mind, exactly, darling?”

You asked as innocently as you could, while you felt your heart slowly starting to repair itself… no.. no it wasn’t healing itself… it was being healed by the woman in front of you. She looked at you with such adoration in her eyes, even when that mischievous glint shone in those brown hues, that looking into them felt like she was applying a soothing balm on your aching wound. There was a healing property in the way her lips twitched into a playful smirk as she thought of all the lude ways she could respond. And the trust she displayed in you, by letting her feelings be so clearly seen, by not immediately putting her walls back up, by letting you, and only you, see this side of her, bandaged your heart up with such care and love that you might just forget it had been hurt in the first place.

Joanne straddled your lap, her skirt hiking up just a little to make the movement possible, and threw her arms around your neck.

“I have an idea or two in mind… but why don’t you tell me how you would like me to.. make amends.”

You rested your hands on her hips and found that they fit perfectly like two puzzle pieces finally connecting, like your bodies had been molded for one another. Your eyes traveled back up to her own and chuckled lowly when you saw desire take over those captivating brown eyes. Leave it to Joanne to somehow turn this situation into something filthy.

“You could start by kissing me. I missed having your lips on mine.”

You didn’t miss the little smile gracing Joanne’s face before she captured your lips with her own. You had expected her to kiss you like she had last night, hungry, full of need and desire, her lust barely concealed. So when she kissed you and poured all of her feelings into it, when the kiss was soft, loving and tender, you had been surprised to say the least. Sure there was want and need there.. but it was like those feelings no longer mattered, they didn’t have the upper hand. She wasn’t kissing you to get you into bed, she was kissing you to express her love and care for you.

You kissed her back with that same intensity, pouring every single thing you felt for her into the kiss, your thumbs softly caressing her clothed hips, as if you needed something to ground yourself, to remind you that this was real, that she really was here, you could feel her, right here in your hands.

When Joanne pulled back, in need of air, she rested her forehead against yours, her nose lightly nuzzling yours as she tried to catch her breath. Her hand came up to ever so gently wipe away a tear that had made its way down your cheek. You hadn’t even been aware of its journey till the back of Joanne’s fingers carefully brushed it away. She ever so gently pressed a kiss to your cheek, as if to soothe the spot where your tear had just fallen.

“Oh baby…”

Her voice was soft, warm and full of concern, a frown made its way to her face, and she was about to continue talking when you interrupted her.

“A happy tear, my love, I never thought I’d get to experience this.”

You sent her a reassuring smile and a chuckle while you softly squeezed her hips to emphasise your words. Joanne searched your eyes, you assumed she was looking to see if you were telling the truth, when she seemed to be pleased with the answer you had given her, her eyes drifted to your neck, the marks she had left the night before clearly visible. Her fingers slowly and carefully began to trace them, as if she was entranced by them.

“You really did a number on me.”

You said teasingly, a triumphant smile appearing on your lips when the slightest hint of a blush appeared on Joanne’s cheeks. Her eyes met yours again as she raised her eyebrow questioningly, before playfully responding.

“You’re one to talk. Have you seen the battlefield you left behind?”

Now it was your turn to blush, which had Joanne looking entirely too pleased with herself. You rolled your eyes while trying your best to make the blush disappear.

You were about to answer when a stomach growl interrupted you. The playfulness that hung in the air slowly dissipated and concern laced itself within your features.

“Have you eaten anything today?”

Your voice filled with care and a tinge of worry as you asked the question, you didn’t need a response to know the answer, the guilty look on her face betrayed her. You looked at your phone to check the time, 5 pm, you looked back up at her disapprovingly before speaking again, not waiting for an answer.

“Let me see if you have anything in that kitchen of yours.”

You lightly patted her hips, as a sign for her to get off, so you could search her fridge and pantries in the hopes of finding anything edible. As Joanne climbed off of your lap and back onto the couch, your own stomach grumbled… maybe you had been a little bit of a hypocrite. Joanne crossed her arms and tilted her head, matching the look you had given her earlier. You shot her a sheepish grin before getting up and walking to the kitchen, starting your quest for food.

You had to admit you already missed having Joanne in your lap, you liked having her that close, her scent invading your senses, feeling her weight on you, having her ass and tits both in groping distance. You quickly tried to rid yourself of that last thought as you opened Joanne’s pantries.

You grabbed all the ingredients you’d need for a decent pasta sauce and began working on making dinner. This definitely wasn’t the first time you’d cooked for Joanne at her place, but it was the first time you’d cook for her as her.. well what were you? You sure as hell were much more than just friends now… problems for another time, you decided as you continued working on the food.

You suddenly felt two arms wrap around your waist, followed by gentle kisses being placed on the side of your neck. You instinctively leaned into her touch before turning your head a little. You chuckled as you saw Joanne stand on her tippy toes to be able to reach your neck better.

The rest of the evening went by in a blur of domestic bliss. After a while Joanne had moved from hugging you from behind, to sitting on the kitchen counter, stealing kisses whenever she could. She had demanded to taste the sauce and had playfully given you directions on how to make it better.

During dinner the air had been filled with light banter and teasing remarks. Joanne’s foot had made its way up your calf more than once, but whenever she drew a reaction from you she stopped and with every frustrated huff you let out, her smirk grew. Once you had both finished eating, her hand reached out over the table for yours and you intertwined your fingers with hers. Her thumb softly stroked the back of your hand as you talked for.. well you weren’t sure for how long… it had felt like time stood still in that moment, the only thing that mattered was Joanne and you in this very moment.

After cleaning up the kitchen together, you went back to Joanne’s comfortable couch and turned on the television. Joanne clearly wanted to be close to you, but still was too proud to actually admit it, so she had sat down next to you without cuddling up to you. You internally rolled your eyes and pulled her into your side. Her fake protest soon faltered as her head found its way to your shoulder while she curled up into your side, tugging her legs beneath her while wrapping her arms around you.

It didn’t take long before Joanne had apparently decided that you were far more interesting than whatever show she had put on. She began by placing soft and innocent kisses on the marks on your neck that she had left yesterday, those kisses were soon replaced by more hungry ones as she sought out places she had previously left unmarked and began to add new hickeys to the already large collection. As you were about to complain about her being a tease, she turned off the tv and muttered against your neck.

“I still have some making up to do.”

You chuckled lowly as you pulled her back into your lap, her teasing had left you impatient and ready to tear off her clothes. You somehow managed to control yourself and with a raspy voice whispered in her ear.

“I’m going to make you earn it, darling.”

You placed a kiss behind her ear, drawing a soft moan from Joanne, while you hiked her skirt up over her ass before you roughly squeezed it. You pulled back a little and watched as her eyes filled with lust. You kissed her hungrily and passionately, a contrast to the kiss from earlier.

She didn’t waste a second and kissed you back with the same amount of need and want as you had displayed. With the way she was positioned in your lap, you could feel the effect your words and the kiss had had on her, which caused you to smirk against her mouth.

You gently bit her bottom lip, which caused her to gasp out a moan and whine against your mouth, which made it easier for your tongue to push past her lips. Your tongue explored her mouth and teased her tongue until there was no air left in your lungs. You pulled back reluctantly and rested your forehead against hers before rasping out.

“If I knew this is how today was going to turn out I would have brought my strap, I bet you would look so pretty riding it.”

The thought seemed to appeal to Joanne because you could feel the way her pussy throbbed at the thought. She bit her lip and her pupils dilated and you had to admit you enjoyed seeing the bossy woman turn into a needy mess, just at the thought of riding your strap.

“For now my thigh will have to do.”

Joanne didn’t need any other directions as she placed one knee in between your legs and the other on the left side of your leg, positioning her center right on your thigh. You made her lift her hips a little so you could hike your own dress up to your hips, wanting to feel the woman on top of you grind herself against your bare skin. You pushed her back down on your thigh again and gasped a little when you felt just how soaked she was, which caused Joanne’s cheeks to be painted in the faintest shade of red.

You pushed her skirt up over her hips so she could move easier, before getting rid of her shirt and bra, your hands quickly replacing the fabric. You began to massage her voluptuous breasts before crashing your lips against Joanne’s once again.

When she didn’t continue to grind against your thigh, your hands moved to her hips, pushing her down harder against your thigh, before slowly beginning to move them for her, hoping she would get the message. Joanne seemed to understand because seconds later she began to ride your thigh on her own accord.

Your hands moved to her ass, giving it a harder squeeze, which caused her to groan against your mouth before pulling back in need of air. You massaged her ass roughly while your mouth found its way to her boobs, hungrily sucking, biting and licking any skin it could reach.

The sounds that spilled out of Joanne’s mouth as her head fell back and the way her underwear grew more and more soaked by the second, only fuelled your actions, making sure to give both boobs the same amount of attention while your nails dug into the ample flesh of her ass. Joanne arched her back and pushed her breasts harder against your mouth as her breathing became ragged and her movements became more erratic. Her hands had landed on your shoulders, holding them tightly as if she were trying to ground herself by holding on to you.

Your hands moved to her hips and you began to guide her hips, helping her to keep a steady rhythm. You flexed your thigh while reluctantly pulling your mouth away from her boobs.

“You’re doing so good, sweetheart. You look absolutely divine like this.”

You whispered as you looked up at her. You meant every word, she looked absolutely stunning. Her skin was gleaming from sweating and had gained a few new marks, her brows were knitted together, her chest heaved up and down as her breathing became shallow, and her mouth hung open as she let every filthy sound escape from between her lips.

“Are you going to ruin those panties for me, hmmm? Are you going to cum just from riding my thigh?”

Your words came out hurried as you were making a mess of your own underwear, as you watched Joanne try and fail to come up with a witty response, instead losing herself in chasing her own high. You had half the mind to tease her for it, but you were too lost in watching her hump your thigh while you guided her hips.

You watched as she toppled over the edge, moaning your name while her nails dug into your shoulders almost painfully. Her rhythm slowed and you helped her ride through her orgasm as you whispered praises in her ear before she collapsed into you. You gently stroked her back and placed a gentle kiss on her temple.

When her breathing evened out you carefully picked her up, which caused her to yelp and you to chuckle, and carried her to her bedroom. You gently placed her on the bed as she murmured something about being able to walk, before you crawled on top of her.

“After that little performance, you deserve to lay back and relax.”

You smirked as you got rid of her skirt while placing butterfly kisses all over her naked front and belly. After discarding her skirt, you planned to get rid of the panties she had ruined earlier, but were interrupted when Joanne spoke up.

“No, wait…”

You stopped immediately, concern visible in your eyes as you searched her desire filled ones for any sign of discomfort.

“I want to make you feel good.. show me how.”

There was a touch of vulnerability in the way she commanded you, something softer in the way she asked, it was subtle, but it was there. She looked up at you with her pleading eyes, her hands softly tugging at your dress. How could you deny her anything when she looked up at you with those big brown eyes?

“Yes ma’am.”

You answered teasingly before you let her take off your dress and watched as her eyes roamed your body. Her hands made light work of your bra and tossed it across the room, you got up and sent your panties flying after it, before crawling back on top of her. Joanne’s hands landed on your hips and before you even properly realized what she was doing, she had switched your positions. You were now laid on your back, looking up at the woman who mere seconds ago was laying beneath you. She was acting more confident than she actually felt though, you could tell by the look in her eyes and the slight hesitancy when she reached out to touch your chest. You were quick to reassure her.

“I’ll tell you what feels good, honey, just think of what you like when you touch yourself and we’ll start from there.”

You rasped out as you gently took her wrists in your hands and guided her hands to your chest. Your encouragement seemed to give her more confidence as she slowly massaged your boobs, her thumbs teasingly caressing your nipples. You let out a soft moan and were about to encourage her when she surged forward to capture your lips with hers. Her thumbs began to circle your nipples, which caused you to push your chest against her hands and to moan against her mouth.

Her mouth travelled to your sternum, the kisses she left on her way there were soft at first but quickly turned into sucking at biting at the skin as she reached her destination. Clearly she had decided it was her turn to leave some marks. You moaned out her name along with some praises as one of your hands tangled in her hair. Once your nipples hardened she flicked them with her thumb, causing you to whine.

After watching Joanne fuck herself on your thigh, you were already soaked, and you really needed Joanne to take care of the mess she had created.. and was currently creating. So with the hand that was still holding her wrist, you slowly guided her hand down to where you needed her most, which caused Joanne to pause her assault on your chest. You gave her time enough to protest and closely watched her reaction as you guided her hand.

She seemed eager but nervous so you voiced how you were feeling, hoping to help her get out of her own head a little.

“I need you, baby, I’m soaked. You’ve made quite the mess. Do you wanna feel?”

You paused your descent on top of your mound and watched as her pupils dilated with desire. She hoarsely managed to mumble a “yes” while her hand began to move of her own accord. Her gaze remained trained on you while she carefully slid two of her fingers between your folds, a gasp falling from her mouth when she felt just how wet you were for her.

“All for you.”

You moaned out as her fingers slowly and carefully made their way up and down your slit. You pulled her in for a kiss, your tongue sliding over her bottom lip as you moaned against her mouth. Those moans turned into whines when Joanne’s fingers found your clit. Her free hand continued its work on your boob, massaging it a little rougher and pinching your nipple every once in a while.

She pulled back from the kiss and tentatively circled your clit, you could feel her eyes on you, watching any reaction closely, looking for reassurance. You let out every filthy sound that bubbled its way to the surface, which made Joanne more sure in her movements. She applied a little more pressure to your clit and rubbed tighter circles as she picked up speed.

“You’re doing so good, sweetheart.”

You managed to get out in between moans, praises falling freely from your lips. Your hands settled in the sheets beneath you as you felt your walls flutter around nothing. You desperately needed her fingers inside you, you had waited for this moment for a long while and your patience was running thin.

“I need you inside me.”

You breathed out, the need clear in your words as you looked up at those hungry eyes. Joanne didn’t need to be told twice and slowly pushed her two fingers inside you, which caused you to moan Joanne’s name. You growled a curse when she began moving her fingers in and out of you, slowly and tentatively at first, but your whines spurred her on and soon she started picking up her pace and moving her fingers with more certainty.

“Fuck! Just like that, Joanne….”

You gasped when she found the perfect rhythm, you moved your hips to try and meet it. You could feel your thighs begin to shake as your orgasm neared. You incoherently mumbled something about being close as you grasped the sheets beneath you tightly.

“Cum for me, baby.”

She whispered into your ears, her voice low and sultry, though barely hiding the desire to watch you come undone by her own hands. That little sentence in combination with Joanne continuing her efforts and beginning to circle your clit with her thumb, was all it took to send you over the edge. You came all over her fingers, gasping her name as you threw your head back in pleasure.

You came back down to earth, your chest heaving as you tried to catch your breath, letting go of the sheets and whining when Joanne gently pulled her fingers out, looking mighty proud of herself. She wrapped her lips around her fingers and licked and sucked them clean, moaning at your taste, while never looking away from you. You let out something between a moan and a groan as you watched her, this woman was going to drive you insane.

“You’re going to be the death of me.”

You chuckled breathlessly as you watched Joanne get rid of her ruined underwear before laying down next to you and pulling you closer to her.

“You’re so dramatic.”

She teased, playfully rolling her eyes. You watched as the last bit of tension finally left her body as your head found its place on her chest. You listened to her heartbeat as she played with your hair, placing soft and loving kisses on the skin you could reach.

You could feel yourself growing sleepy when the negative thoughts began to swarm your mind, the fear of her once again disappearing before you woke, settled into your chest. So you broke the comfortable silence, the confidence you had previously displayed now completely gone and replaced by uncertainty and anxiety.

“Please don’t leave.”

You knew you were at her place and that the fear wasn’t logical, but you couldn’t help the terror that had settled deep within you. You felt her movements still for a moment, which caused you to worry that you may have ruined the moment completely. But before you could spiral you felt Joanne place the softest kiss on the top of your head before speaking in a soft voice.

“I’ll be right here in the morning.”

Her voice was steady and reassuring and clearly conveyed the seriousness and honesty of her message. So you decided to trust her and let sleep wash over you while you listened to Joanne’s heartbeat.

The next morning when you awoke, you felt the heat of Joanne’s body beneath you and could hear her soft snores above you. You couldn’t stop the small smile that spread across your lips as you opened your eyes, looked up and saw an adorable, sleeping Joanne, snoring softly.

[justevelynnnn]

sudden love.

night crawler x afab!reader (NSFW)

Warnings: Lots of smut in the second half of this…, PiV, oral s//x, reader is written as a female as well as being chubbier, slightly mentions of reader being insecure, mention of reader being tipsy, a bit of profanity at the end

Summary: Here’s what happens when you start working for the x-men as an intern and you run into a blue demon man 💙

Note: Sorry it’s been a million years since i posted but i just got lazy🙁😕😕😕 anyways live, laugh, nightcrawler

You wondered how you got here.

In bed, with the one and only Kurt Wagner. A man who was so focused on being holy and pure…under you, fully naked and eagerly whining. His golden eyes bore into yours as you bounced on him. His tail wrapped around your waist tight. Fingers on each side squishing your thighs…

It might’ve started when you started working for the X-men as an intern. Of course, you first had to pledge to neverrrr share any big secrets you learned or plans shared during meetings. Then you got settled. You had a little office next to Jean Grays’s. Your job was the usual boring intern stuff…following scott around and organizing files and pouring coffee. By week 4, you actually memorized all the x-men’s coffee orders.

Jean Gray liked lattes with a bit of extra sugar. Scott Summers and Logan liked theirs dark. Gross. Morph’s fluctuated, sometimes they wanted a mocha sometimes also dark. Beast liked his coffee extra sugary…

At the end of the day, you didn’t want to necessarily be an X-man. You really just needed some type of job that would except mutants. But they all had a lot of knowledge to share, and you never turned down an opportunity to listen and gain some wisdom.

It wasn’t until you were in charge of setting the danger room schedule when you met him. Did he catch you off guard bamfing behind you? Maybe. Did you feel horrible after especially seeing his tail droop? Yup.

You quickly scrambled to apologize.

“I’m so sorry! You just caught me off guard..!” You say watching him shake his head.

“Oh, it’s fine. I get it a lot. I’m blue..covered in fur…bright yellow eyes…” He says in a nonchalant tone looking at the ground. He also had this strong german accent. He also was possible being sarcastic…

And before you could apologize again he interrupted by introducing himself. His name was Kurt Wagner, or Nightcrawler. Fitting…

You’ve seen him around but mainly in the danger room flipping and bamfing around. He was also ridiculously flexible and you think he has a yoga class? He’s also said to be very devoted to his faith. You then noticed his shiny cross necklace and his golden rosary.

You told him your name and he mentioned seeing you around himself. A sweet little compliment was sprinkled in you guys small talk and then he was gone quicker than he showed up. Though, you still felt bad for your initial reaction to him later that day.

The next time you saw him was a week later in the evening. You just were sitting there reading a book, decompressing after a long day of organizing papers and sending emails, when suddenly BAMF! and now here is Nightcrawler startling you yet again.

“GEEZ!” You shout but not really at him, also dropping your book.

“Am I really that ugly?” Kurt jokes pouting a bit as he perched on the coffee table he landed on.

“No! Just you-“

“Ohhh, it’s fine..i get it..”

He’s clearly joking with you again so you laugh bit. You thank him as he hands you your book and sits next to you. You quietly take in small details of him like his pointed ears or his tail or even the slight indication of pupils in his eyes as he looked at you.

Insert more small talk here and then he’s gone again.

You figured he either really was curious about you or was bored. The idea of him having some crush never crossed your mind. But this was the Nightcrawler we’re talking about! He could have any girl, mutant or human, so why choose an intern? Especially one like you with your thick thighs and plump stomach.

But as time went on, he started to find you daily. He found any reason to speak to you and anything to talk about. Inviting you on evening strolls or even his bible studies which he didn’t mind if you went or not. He taught you how to cook german dishes once and you showed him your favorite hiding spot in the mansion.

It really felt like a spark started. He really grew on you. He was funny, sweet, warm…

His compliments became more frequent too, each one making you blush even more.

Soft touches here and there..

Hugs that lasted longer than the ones before…

Prolonged eye contact…

Then months later the topic of relationships came up. It was embarrassing to admit but you told him you never had one… yet you were a bit shocked to learn he’s had a few back in his day.

“But you’re…?”

“Catholic. I know.”

“And you even..?”

He nods but then smirks. “I was a tad libidinous before…now i just want to…settle. Perhaps even find my soulmate.”

You blush as he stares into your soul on the soulmate part. Could he be referring to..you?

Your time as an intern was wrapping up but everyone loved you so much you just decided to stay. So, you went full time which means more time for you and Kurt to bond. You wondered what they could all mean… his stolen glances and the way he touched you sometimes…

“He likes you.”

“What?!” You say turning around, wide eyed at Jean one evening. Kurt had just bamfed away, but was she standing there the whole time???

“I said, he likes you…a lot.” She smirks. “I know how he gets when he’s in love y’know..i’ve known him for a while.”

“..Love?” You say quietly.

“You’re different too. He’s nervous to say anything.” She slowly comes up next to you and smiles. “But, i can tell you like him a lot too…”

You just blush. Was it really that obvious the whole time?

Could it really be true?

Then, one evening after watching the sunset on the roof and a deep conversation later you two were sharing a bottle of wine. In his words, “It’s fine to indulge in sin sometimes, no?” Probably joking again…

He was big on his faith, for sure. He says it saved him and you could tell. His devotion was admirable.

After the first glass, you already really opened up. Still in your work clothes, but feeling more confident and loose. And by the second, you were a giggling mess. Anything Kurt said either made you blush or laugh. You never felt so alive or comfortable in your skin.

“I wish this could last forever, y’know? This moment…” You sigh as the sun sets. It’s getting darker, the moon getting brighter..stars shining.

“Ja…this was a pretty one. This sunset. ” He agrees with you and scooted closer. “But not as pretty as you, dear.”

“You’re a charmer Kurt…but I dunno…sometimes I wonder why you chose me to spend all your free time with. Like, me specifically. It’s not like I’m one of your gorgeous fan girls..” You play with the hem of your button down vest, it’s untucked now a sign of you being more comfortable.

Kurt doesn’t say anything for a bit. It makes you nervous. So nervous you accidentally pulled a few threads from your vest. You weren’t looking for pity, no. You were genuinely curious. He’s famous, well known. In great shape. Strong morals… It just really bewildered you.

Were you insecure…? Maybe just a bit..who isn’t? You try everyday to be more confident. You were working for the x-men for crying out loud! It was a big deal. But sometimes, you wished you were a bit..different. Slimmer, more graceful even.

“Y/n….” He said finally. It was a soft tone, softer than usual. Gentle…

You don’t say anything but you just look into his eyes.

“I’ve never felt so strongly for a woman before..for anyone before. You truly don’t realize how beautiful you are. Inside and out. There is something magnetic about you that draws me to you…” He takes your hand and kisses it. Your heart explodes. No one has ever talked you like this before.

“Kurt…”

“I’ve been thinking about asking for a while…getting to know you for these past several months has been memorable. I feel we’re forming a strong connection. One that can last is years…y/n, would I…be wrong to ask you to be mine?”

Everything happened so quickly next.

You drunkenly kissed him after he asked you that. In your head that was an answer. You immediately regretted it, feeling you stepped out of line but before you could apologize he kissed you right back. And passionately. Like it’s all he’s ever wanted to do. It was getting dark now and bit chilly honestly but the heat of his body against yours kept you warm enough.

Then instead of a hard roof, you were suddenly on a softer surface. A bed.

Kurt’s bed. In Kurt’s room.

“Is it okay?” He asked panting as he pulled back and saw you realize what had happened. “Being here..I mean..”

“Are we gonna…?” You say also panting.

“Do you want to?”

You think for a moment. Were you really going to lose your virginity to an Xman?

He already has a condom in hand by the time you nod. He pulls off his shirt exposing his furry toned torso. He softly kisses you again and you hum. You wondered if it was the alcohol or the way his hands felt on your body was making you feel so good. You allowed him to slowly take off your clothes. Piece by piece.

He was gentle with removing everything, but carelessly threw them on the ground behind him once it was off.

He stopped admired you once you were fully undressed. It made you want to hide behind your hands. The pure look of lust he had in his eyes…eyes that glistened at this point.

He traced a finger along your curves and folds, stopping to kiss some parts. You never felt this way before. It was like he was worshiping you.

He knew you were inexperienced so he took his time. When he was between your legs getting you ready he was ever so tender. He fingered you ever so slowly. Whispering praises as you took his finger because with him one was honestly enough. Then his head was between your thighs as he licked your folds delicately as well, savoring each swipe of his tongue. He had a way of making your legs shake, your back bend and you to sing his name.

When he felt you were ready for him he ever so teasingly slow rolled the condom on and inched slowly inside of you. Of course he made sure you were ready before he started to enter you. It did hurt a bit at first, like an intense stretch with some pressure. It definitely took a while especially given..his size.

But he was patient, and gentle and understanding.

Then he started thrusting. And thrusting. And groaning and moaning and gripping and kissing. The whole bed moved as the two of you moved. He thrusted slowly but deeply, pulling out completely and thrusting his whole length back inside you.

At some point your eyes were rolling to the back of your head. You swore you saw heaven as he hit a spot on the inside.

Every part of you burned hot with pleasure. You barely registered your own orgasm several minutes later and he licked a spot he bit on your neck moments before. He didn’t finish long after, plopping next to you panting. His tail laid across you on purpose. He then smiled goofily at you like he didn’t just have you under him seeing star’s minutes ago.

Your skin was sticky and your legs ached.

But you weren’t done.

You flipped him over and climbed on top of him. He was stunned, but let you as he was once again mesmerized by your nude body. He was a sucker for breasts.

You felt dominant as you straddles him with your thick thighs, positioned him with your entrance and slowly sunk down. Again, it was a stretch at first. Kurt was definitely blessed in the manhood department, but this was a position you knew about from before and you knew it was for more experienced people. Yet, it could’ve been the liquid courage too.

As you started to move, Kurt unraveled. That confident horny man from an hour ago? The one who had you nearly cumming in his mouth from slow flicks with his tongue? Or, hell, a single wink after some dirty joke?

Well, now he’s ready to bust himself from any simple moment you make. His hands rest in the sides of your hips as he helped you but you still did most of the work. Now slightly bouncing more and quicker after growing more confident.

This is who you thought Kurt to be. It’s nice to see this shy and submissive version of him. He tilted his head back as you wiggle against his pelvis. You can see his Adam’s apple bob as he held back.

It was mesmerizing to watch him come undone too. The way his mouth was parted, intoxicating noises escaping him. The way his dark hair stuck to his damp fur on his forehead. The way his cheeks darkened ever so slightly from being dominated…

It wasn’t long before he came again. His moans louder this time. Even drawing out your name.

You laid on top of him, knees even more achey than before, heart pumping so hard you swore he could feel it or even hear it.

You two stayed like that for a while. This time done for real. Both exhausted but utterly satisfied.

Kurt eventually helped clean up. He wiped you gently with a damp towel and gave you an oversized shirt to wear to cover up. Even getting you water after you used his bathroom.

“That was…hm..” Kurt said quietly laying next to you once everything was cleaned.

“It was fucking incredible.” You responded quietly. Inside you kept asking yourself…how did this happen?

“..Ja…” He sighs. “Wanna make this a weekly event?”

And after this? How could one not not agree?

[wei-ying-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

For those of you who don’t know, I decided to run the gauntlet of @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus, which is comprised of 9 units. I have completed four of the units (here is my queer cinema syllabus round up post with all the films I’ve watched and written about so far). It is time for me to make my way through Unit 6- Gems, which includes the following films: Big Eden, Shelter, Weekend, Private Romeo, Were the World Mine, The Birdcage, Make the Yuletide Gay, The Sum of Us, Boy Erased, Boys, Summer Storm, C.R.A.Z.Y., North Sea Texas, Saturday Church, Boy Meets Girl, The Adventers of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Too Wong Foo Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar.

Today I will be watching:

Big Eden (2000) dir. Thomas Bezucha

[Run Time: 1h 58m, Language: English]

Summary: A thirty-something gay guy, Henry Hart, returns to his childhood Montana home to confront his unrequited passion for his high school best friend.

Cast: - Arye Gross as Henry Hart - Eric Schweig as Pike Dexter - Tim DeKay as Dean Stewart - George Coe as Sam "Sampa" Hart

IT WAS BIG EDEN DAY Y’ALL!!!!! DON'T LET THE STARS GET IN YOUR EYES, DON'T LET THE MOON BREAK YOUR HEART!!!!

When I saw this was on Ben’s syllabus I was so fucking excited because this is one of my favorite movies of all time. Listen, I have watched plenty of movies plenty of times, but this is one of the few films that I have seen where I legitimately watched it back to back. Like, fully the first time that I watched it I immediately started it back over because this film is a drug to me. 

Simply put this is a kind film that is just packed full of love and I am so grateful that we have some stories set in a very small town where homophobia is not a concern. We talk about the bubble in BL a lot and this film is kinda like a bubble show, but Henry’s very clear hesitation to tell Sampa that he is queer is a good way to still hint at the fact that homophobia does exist in this world and that Big Eden just doesn’t really do that. In this day and age with the current political climate being what it is, it is just comforting to be able to see a bunch of older cishet white men get thoroughly invested in helping Pike get his man. 

I LOVE THIS FILM. 

gif by @ballumville

It is really hard to talk about this film because every time I think about it legitimately I just get heart eyes and cease to put on an analytical brain about it. But now that I have to write about it, I gotta try to get some level of coherent thought out of it. 

The dichotomy between Dean and Pike is such a fascinating part of this film for me because Dean is straight and thus more openly affectionate with Henry and Pike is queer and therefore ready to run away every chance he gets when the boy he likes is in the room. I love this exploration Dean has around his own sexuality insofar as it is clear that he deeply loves Henry, but that that love is at the end of the day platonic and familial. But Dean kisses Henry in this movie. Like he tries so hard to give Henry what he wants because he knows how much Henry has been suffering from the two-decade crush Henry has had on him. It is one of my favorite aspects of this film. Whenever I sit down to watch it, I never feel like Dean is queer and just scared to pursue it, I feel like he is straight and is trying to pursue queerness because of how much he cares for Henry.

gif by @ober-affen-geil

But he just can’t. And that is heartbreaking to watch because Henry and Dean both know it from the start, but Dean is trying desperately to do whatever he can to keep Henry in his life, and to give him comfort. Thinking of this film in the context of this syllabus which is a lead up to BL, so many BLs have the general trope of “straight except for you” and though this film is not BL it could have very easily fallen in to that same category of Dean actually being queer by the end of the film, and I am really glad that they still allowed his straightness to exist.

Pike on the other hand, is very aware that he is queer, and he also deeply loves Henry, but in the romantic sense. And Pike is just a generally quiet and shy person compared to Dean. But whenever he and Henry are in the same room it looks like he is in physical pain being there, and that is so fucking fun to watch. This man is down bad. This man learns to cook and doesn’t tell Henry about it because he is just 6’2” of unadulterated devotion. I love whenever a story employs the concept of “food as love” and to see Pike work on continuously more complex dishes as his love for Henry continues to escalate just makes me want to scream. I love this man so much. I love him so much and I am so glad that he gets the guy at the end, because though I am not the biggest fan of Henry myself, all I could ever hope for in the history of the world is Pike’s happiness. 

gif by @ballumville

God there are just so many incredible relationship dynamics in this film. The way that Sampa knows that Henry is queer and is just waiting for him to tell him, the way that Sampa tries on multiple occasions to open the door and allow Henry space to come out. As someone whose parent confronted me about my own queerness and forced a conversation that neither of us was ready to have, I have such intense respect for the way that Sampa handled the last conversation he and Henry had about it. The way that he let Henry know that he knows and he is okay with it without coming right out to say it, without forcing the conversation, and honestly in my opinion, absolving Henry of the need to come out to him if he was too scared to do so. I know Henry still regrets not telling Sampa he is gay before Sam passed, but I also know at that point he didn’t have to. 

And I just have to give a shout out to Jim. Jim really is just sitting there holding Pike’s hand the whole way through trying to nudge him along until he gets what he wants. He knows that Pike is shy and he knows that Pike is scared, and is going to do whatever he can to get Pike to take the bigger risks. All the beloved old farts that park themselves in front of the general store every day are not so subtly, subtly push these two together. 

And of course, I just have to give a shout out to Widow Thayer for how she lets Henry know that she knows that he’s gay by inviting a fuck ton of gay men in to Henry’s home for a social gathering. The look on Henry’s face when he realizes what is happening is absolutely priceless.

All this to say, the film is a warm hug and everyone should watch it.

Favorite Moment 

Okay so the thing is there are a ton of great moments in the film, and before I talk about my absolute favorite one, I need to shout out the Thanksgiving fight between Dean and Henry because it is so good and so devastating “Screw you Henry Hart, I do know what love is. You. You are my family.” HELLO???????????????? Stabbing me in the chest would hurt less. 

gif by @tvandfilm

BUT. I think the award of WYKA’s favorite Big Eden scene is Jim’s conversation with Pike. The way he already bodied Pike in the “I’m just cooking food here.” “If only that were true.” conversation was excellent. But this is fundamentally a film about loving and being loved, and so my favorite scene is the one where Jim is trying to get Pike to stop delivering his love to Henry anonymously. The conversation Jim and Pike have where Pike is still vehemently trying to deny that he has feelings for Henry by telling Jim “I just want things to be nice for him,” Which? DEVASTATING. THAT LINE IS A GUT PUNCH EVERY FUCKING TIME I HEAR IT. To have Jim’s response be “The thing is Pike, we want things to be nice for you too, buddy.” It is so clear to me how important Pike is to the community, but to Jim and the rest of his posse especially. I just love that Jim takes the time to try to remind Pike that taking care of Henry quietly from the sidelines is just going to leave Pike continuously hurt, because how is Henry supposed to know that Pike cares about him when he is constantly fleeing the room whenever they are in the same space and when he lets Henry think that Widow Thayer is the one that is making all that food for him. 

Have I mentioned that I love Pike Dexter?

Favorite Quote

“Did I teach you shame? Did I teach you that? Cause it would break my heart if I had.” 

Sampa loves Henry and he wants Henry to know that he is a safe person to talk to, that he knows Henry is queer and keeping it from him, and that he wants Henry to tell him. This line also makes me so sad all the time because I know that it’s not true. That Sampa did not teach Henry shame, and I feel so badly that Henry’s (very reasonable) fear of coming out to the only living family member that he has left has placed Sampa in a position where he is worried that he has failed to make Henry feel safe and secure in who he is. 

gif by @thegirlbehindthegasmask

Score 

10/10

Is this actually a perfect movie? Fuck no. There are plenty of things I could nitpick with it, including the fact that I genuinely do not like Henry all that much as far as characters go. BUT. Every single time I watch this movie I am just overflowing with joy, and thus I will not be objective about the quality of the film. 

THIS FILM IS PERFECT BECAUSE PIKE DEXTER IS IN IT AND YOU WILL NEVER CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!!

gif by @fred-erick-frankenstein

[skeltnwrites]

hiii! do you have a sneak peek of a family affair? i’m so excited!!

thank you for asking yes i do

───〃★

You idle beside Steve, a short distance from the rest of the crew. He places his hand on the small of your back and you exchange quiet smiles. 

It’s mostly for show. He feels the weight of Nancy’s gaze in his peripherals. But an ounce or two of Steve is motivated purely by his own self-interest.

He misses these simple acts of affection. Tracing the veins in someone else’s palm, kissing their eyelids, counting their lashes. It’s human nature, a need, he supposes. A need he’s been trying to convince himself is much more of a want. 

And you’re so very gentle with him. It’s really driving him mad. 

Nancy must tell the kids it’s time to go because they’re scrambling over in a cacophony of goodbyes. Steve gives them each a big squeeze and a little shake for the road. Caroline hugs you like you’re no different than the rest of them, while Andy, ever the little charmer, asks your name for the third time. They disappear behind the first row of cars, their voices carry far but fade into all the rest. 

When Steve turns he finds you already looking at him. 

“They’re really great,” your smile worsens and Steve’s stomach capsizes, “your kids. You should be proud.”

The joy is contagious, infecting Steve with the same toothy smile, spreading through every cell in his body straight down to his jumping heart. “I am,” he manages.

[wyervan]

Heyy, I really wanted to say how obsessed I'd been with your DCA Slasher Au! I LOVE the designs, the little things you tell us about them and all of that. It's really really cool. I also like A LOT your art style🫂

Also I wanted to share from here some doodles I'd been doing because I'm really embarrassed to share them in my blog but whateverr. As I say.. loved the designs and obviously I had to draw them with my baby (He has seen the horrors)

Also I'm not really sure if you already answered this (feel free to ignore it if so) but..

- Are you planning to make it a fic? Like in Ao3 or some sort of. Or maybe comics or short chapters?

- Are you telling us/showing us more of The Glamrocks in the story?

- What is the relation between Vanessa and Star/y/n?? Friends, It is casual? I really really like Vanessa and if you are ok with it could you tell us what does she thinks of Sun and Moon?

Anyways thank youu you are so cool yay people cheered🫂🫂👏💚

omg you like my style?? No I like your style dude. It’s feels so down to earth? Genuine? You got some great gesture happening in your lines. And you make me laugh 😝

I am planning on doing a fic! But I don’t have the full plot figured out 🤔. I have this fear that if I start writing and publishing chapters without knowing all the details, later on I’ll find out there’s a big plot hole. And then I sweep the rug out from people by going back and needing to change what I’ve already written.

I know though that my own perfectionism often holds me back so I should probably just slap myself on the ass and get to writing at least the first two chapters. I have a very clear idea of how they’ll go.

Yes it would be going on AO3 (as soon as i figure out the tagging culture over there). I will ofc be continuing to do short comics and illustrations alongside any writing.

I’m actually in the middle of doing some design exploration with the Glamrocks rn! Hopefully I’ll be able to share some sketches with you guys by the end of the weekend~~ They are side characters but I want them to be more than just fluff or cameos, ya kno what I mean?

Ahh~~ and Vanessa, nobody’s asked about her yet :3c. I do in fact see her and y/n Star as becoming aquatinted, perhaps to the surprise of both of them!

Vanessa is a cop! Disappearances around town have put a lot of pressure on her small department and she’s had to pay the arcade a visit more than once to take routine statements on a couple of the missing people.

Her presence around the arcade puts Smoon on edge for obvious reasons, though she has no idea why. For now she chalks it up to the general anxiety people get around police and… they’re just… strange men.

[ducktracy]

> online animation community wants 2d animation to make a comeback in theatres > mainstream 2d animated film currently in theatres > barely see online animation community talking about it > ?????

Should I be worried? I really want this film to do good… (love the new banner btw <3)

i agree that hypocrisy is often extremely prevalent in online animation communities, but i don't like putting the blame on consumers (or, at least, people going "YOU ARE ACTIVELY HURTING THE LIVELIHOODS OF THE ANIMATORS IF YOU DO NOT SEE AND SUPPORT THIS FILM RIGHT NOW", ESPECIALLY when people working in animation spread that message--which, nobody has been doing for this film, but i do see it sometimes.) it's just going to turn people away even more and turns the moviegoing experience into an obligation, which should never be the case (perhaps in contrast to my own excessive advertising of the film!). there are certainly people who could benefit to own up to their word, but, ultimately, it's not the consumer's fault that the film has essentially been set-up for failure by nearly being written off and sent off to a very small distributor. the public is not responsible for the irresponsibility of the higher ups. i can't get too mad at people not knowing about the film because.. well, it's by design.

personally, i'm avoiding all talks or acknowledgement of the box office. this film has been through the wringer and back and it's amazing that it's even released at all, much less theatrically. its existence is a win in itself. it would be wonderful to even see it break a profit--i'll be realistic and say i personally am not sure if that'll be the case, but i would love to be wrong! but i think it's just a genuine miracle that this film has survived, much less even been made at all. it really feels like it shouldn't have. but it has, and its survived against all odds.

and while i'm keeping expectations realistic about box office numbers, i still think it's incredibly important to try anyway. this probably won't make a huge turnaround. try anyway. yes, it's a miracle that the movie exists in itself, and that is worth celebrating alone. convince anyone and everyone you know to go see it anyway. people working on the film themselves are saying that your--our--support makes a difference. even if it feels "redundant", try anyway.

so, no, i wouldn't essentially be "worried". encourage your friends to see it, go see it yourself, patronize it in any way you can. instead of getting mad at people not talking about it, pick up the slack yourself and spark a domino effect of difference. i've been so overjoyed to hear how many people i've convinced to see the film. please keep it coming! i wouldn't have done it if i wasn't persistent about it, likely to a degree of annoyance haha! i think, genuinely, much of the problem is that people simply don't know about it. it's not out of spite or willful ignorance. it's because WB doesn't want people to know about it. it has literally been set-up for failure. that's not the fault of the consumer. so just do what you can, spread the message and use positive reinforcement instead of shaming people (not saying you are!! but just in general), and, most importantly, ENJOY IT!! enjoy the novelty of seeing 2D animation on the big-screen. enjoy the novelty of seeing a funny, gorgeous and heartwarming movie. enjoy a very welcome distraction from The Horrors (this has been the carrot dangling over my head to get out of bad times for years, and now i'm kind of falling into a depression that it's "over" haha). spread the news and spread the love

and THANK YOU!!!! i'm always so hesitant to change my theme, but i just HAD to.. it's the cutest thing i've ever seen and just feels right at home here. gifs that radiate happiness. i'm happy you like it!!

[oneforthemunny]

i’m back and feeling better. not great but better.

i’m going on a rant and i’m sorry in advanced. i can’t get into a therapy appointment, so you guys will have to hear it lol.

i’m just going through a lot and need to get it out. i’ve tried to keep it in bc i don’t want to burden my friends bc i feel annoying and they don’t understand.

this one really effected me but let me just say this, and i know this will shock a lot of you:

i didn’t dog cuss this man. or berate him, like old evie would have done. and maybe that’s me being too forgiving, but i’m proud of myself. i stood up for myself when he was being weird and showing red flags and put a stop to it in a mature way.

he didn’t react well, which i’m not shocked, because he has his own healing. and i know deep down, i did the best thing for both of us. i was kind to him throughout our interactions, and maybe i shouldn’t have been, but for me, i’m glad i was.

i’ve been working very hard on being kinder and no one talks about how fucking hard it is. how there’s a fine line between being kind and being walked all over. and people have no problem stomping all over that line.

but for me, i had a friend, who unfairly isn’t here anymore, who showed me kindness when i really fucking needed it. and i didn’t deserve her, or anyone’s, kindness at the time, but yet she gave it to me. so freely and effortlessly and it changed my life. my whole fucking life. i would not be here if it wasn’t for that.

when she passed, it was so easy for me to be bitter and to be angry. i could have easily been vile and mean to everyone i met, a lot of them i could have rationalized that they deserved it. because she was so kind and wasn’t here, and there were so many who should have, myself at the top of that list, been taken instead.

but i was stuck with the haunting thought that if she can’t be here, and she loved life so fucking much, that i owed her the effort to try and love it as much as she did. to treat others the way she did, the way she treated me. her impact on me, i can’t put into words. i just hope she knows.

i’m saying all of this, putting it out here into the void or universe or whatever, because her death anniversary is fastly approaching. it’s a big one, and though i feel i should be used to it by now, i can’t help but feel every emotions more severely than it’s been before.

i miss her everyday. and when i started talking to this guy, i was excited. and that excitement brought me small, temporary happiness that masked emotions that were hidden underneath.

i think what hurts me most of all is i wanted to talk to her about it. about anything and everything. and i can’t.

but i feel in my heart, in my soul, that she was looking out for me. that she’d be proud of my growth, of my confidence, and most of all that i’m fighting every fucking day to be kinder.

i know it wasn’t him. he was just a fucking guy, and one, quite honestly, i know wouldn’t be good for me. i’ve taken up using the phrase “my future husband would never” and i stand by it (we know my hubby mafia!eddie would fucking never and he’s the standard).

all of this stupid fucking rant to say, i’m just hurting right now. and all of you have shown me such kindness, and i really can’t thank you enough because i am at a low i haven’t been at in a while.

i have no idea what i’m doing with my life. I’m just trying to be kind, and be and do better in every way.

i’m being really vulnerable, because i know many of you think i’m a confident cunt (and i usually am) but even confident cunts have really bad spells too. i’m actually very sensitive under all of this, and i know someone out there feels the same way and i hope you know you’re not alone. and i want to thank you all for making me feel like i’m not alone.

[fridayyy-13th]

y'all i'm like. so tired and overwhelmed right now. dare i even say sad.

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[mo-ok]

little guy saga continues this time with the biggest little guys you've ever seen 🤖

[sacrificial-lamb-please]

Is safety on? 3

@emilynyaaa took the decision!

What should I tell her? Following the navy led to this situation happening. If I tell this thing what my legal name is I might be forced to use it. If I'll tell my preferred one she might find in the ship logs that I lied. What would be the punishment for that? How do they punish people? Would she kill me? God breathing in that thing is terrible. I think I'm going to vomit. She introduced herself fully. She used pronouns? Wait. Was there a they at the end? Maybe they have gender that works differently? Maybe they'll understand? Terra what if they treat people like me even worse than the Accord? What if they brainwash us into the corr-

A vine falls on my shoulder almost making me faint. I would've fallen down if it wasn't for a different one grabbing me and helping me find my balance. They feel very different from normal plants. Her vines might be soft on the outside, but they feel stronger than a steel beam. It might be stronger than the alloys we make our ships of..

"Sorry for startling you, everything okay petal? You've been staring at me and breathing heavily for a few minutes. Is the mask you wear making it impossible for you to speak? Are you one of the nonverbal cuties? Nod if you can speak"

If I can speak now or if I can speak in general? What do they mean by nodding too. Left and right? Up and down? Maybe they have some different definition for that? it's really really hard to breathe. Terra am I panicking? Of course I'm panicking. SHE STILL HOLDS ME

"Sweetie, I'm worried about you. you haven't responded to me at all. I think you might be panicking a little. Let's do this this way. Please take your mask off. If you'll breathe in a little bit of... those pink things"

She seems unsure of how to call the spores. Shouldn't she know their names? Should I even trust her? What if these are the spores that make you into a host for small plants? Maybe they just sound scary and she doesn't want to make me even more anxious? I gave her my gun.. I don't have a big choice...

"They'll make you fall into a nice deep sleep, so that you won't have to deal with that situation right now. You'll wake up in a warm cozy bed. You will be warm and comfortable. Maybe then you'll feel good enough to talk about those things okay?

Should I listen to her? Should I fight? How would i even react if I wake up? Would i try to escape? fight? cooperate?...

Is safety on?

The sound of vines piercing the armour of TCN PINE is terrifying. Gigantic sheets of almost indestructible alloys peeled off like a synthcube wrapper, followed with the sound of their spores being injected into the hull like some kind of terrifying narcotic. I barely managed to put my rebreather on. I think the only think that saved me from their terrifying spores were the clogged up vents. Now there is the only one thing left. I get my never used handgun out. Looking at it trying to remember the non existing training i went through two years ago. I think its now in the... safe mode? How to call that. Click. Okay. It should work now right? "I can fight." I look around remembering that I'm currently on the toilet. The only place that i can have any privacy. "So now I'll die alone.." What should I do? Hide? Fight? Something else... No one ever managed to even nick one of them. Why would my shitty gun be any different?... "Hello petal~ My scanner tells me that there is sign of life in this room. I know that Terrans are pretty shy with their physiological needs, so I'll give you some time to take care of yourself. Don't make me wait though!" Terrifyingly enthusiastic voice of someone that is DEFINITELY not a part of my crew. Why do they sound like that? Are they happy? Are they mocking me?

What should I do? I look at the gun with many ideas, not knowing which one of them is the right one Please tell me