#and it actually kinda killed my motivation to draw

[starsonablackboard]

you guys flooded my first post with notes yesterday which is a little confusing for me and also insanely cool, i've never received such feedback on my art, so thank you everyone!! you gave me motivation to draw something substantial so you get an updated lamb design yippee! probably not the final one tho

also another lengthy post which is not required reading, just some stuff i've been thinking about on and off for a couple of weeks. i codenamed it "with death comes peace au" in my head and it may become a fanfic at some point but i don't want to be too hopeful

relevant to the first pic

• i do love the "single parent to a small nation" type of lamb, but for my au i see them more as an actual Cult Leader tm, which means they have to be irresistibly charming and charismatic. they put a lot off time into their looks and mannerisms and behavior (they had some practise even before their first death and before the red crown, but that is maybe for a later post), and they aim for a "heavenly angelic benevolent" type, since they're a lamb, a soft and fluffy creature that's mainly associated with innocence and self-sacrifice

• also the malnourishment-looking hc from the previous post still stands, which is a pain in the ass for them. their head-wool is their best quality one tho, so they try to get the most out of it, and style it in this cute fluffy bob (that also somewhat hides the hollowness of their face) with little braids here and there and camellias that never wilt, cause yk, for power show off holy image upkeep purposes

• they actually do like their neck scar, but the flock finds it unnerving

relevant to the second pic

• so you remember how i said that they were laser focused on survival before their first death? they lived off of spite and spite alone, they knew of genocide for all their life (being born well after it started) and were determined to not let the bishops win. they didn't get a say in their birth, so they at least were entitled to have a say in their death (at least in their mind. but what a single sheep has on four gods)

• SOOO when the survival goal failed (kinda. task failed successfully yk) and toww gave them a new goal of cult leadership and slaughter, the spite became thirst for revenge. and it is a powerful tool, but it does not translate to the most graceful style of fighting.

• all that is to say that, yeah, they fight like a wildfire, and never really change in that regard. you don't have to learn defense if you kill your enemies fast enough (yes, it bites them in the ass. more often that they'd like to admit)

• i also liked the idea of them having armor, because let's be frank in the game they might as well be fighting naked, that wool cloak doesn't do anything for protection. i opted for a lightweight leather one since leather is easier to obtain, suits their quick movements and it's kinda a power move to wear armor that's made of your enemies' brethren. intimidation factor is important

[sparklecarehospital]

how many times have i just drawn sly standing around like this. its fine. /silly

[duke-daemon]

hazbin hotel redesigns wooooooooo

okay so. i'm gonna discuss my thoughts about them n shit, putting under a readmore bc it's gonna get long and rambley. sorry in advance for the shit formatting, i'm on mobile </3

just some general shit about how i would rewrite it. i think the premise of redeeming sinners is entertaining but is executed horribly. i also am a fan of the "heaven isn't great either" idea but again, executed horribly. i'd make the hierarchy of angels more accurate because it's cool as hell and i have autism about it. the characters from hell would swear still (albeit not as much), but the angels would outright refuse to swear or make vulgar jokes ever. this would be partially to further the gap between heaven and hell and make the differences more stark.

hell would also be more like dante's inferno (again because i think its cool). the ars goetia would get a full redesign and would be more prevalent in demonic society.

now for the characters!

---

VAGGIE VALTIEL:

starting off with vaggie, or Valtiel as i've renamed her because let's be honest her original name sucks. Valtiel (Val for short) was an aspiring power angel who wanted to be an exorcist. she looked up to lute and thought the idea of killing demons was really cool and badass. however when she actually was on the field for the first time she discovered how awful this actually was. she tried to help a few demons but lute figured it out and felled her right then and there. the rest of her story is relatively the same. personality wise she's more stoic and less prone to all-out aggression. she still get angry, sure, but it's in a quieter and more menacing way. you DO NOT want to fuck with Valtiel.

CHARLIE:

next up is charlie! i had two ideas for her. the first one (unsettling drawing) has her as a mannequin/doll type demon. lucifer and/or lilith was unable to conceive and as such they built a kid from scratch. she's overall similar to og charlie personality wise, very kind and cheerful despite her unsettling appearance. she struggles with empathy sometimes but really does mean well. her motive for rehabilitating sinners is so they get to see their family again. being able to see heaven from where they are in hell must make them sad, so she wants to help make them happy again!

the second idea for charlie has her as an angel. specifically i casted her as a dominion angel due to their reputation as holy judges. she was once a demon but has been rehabilitated and has risen into angelhood! she now wants to help her former kin do the same and redeem themselves in heaven's gaze. again, similar cheery personality, but a bit more prudish in this rendition

tangent time!

as a side tangent, valtiel and charlie would have a different relationship in this rewrite. their relationship felt shoehorned in in the original show, like it was just there for the hell of it. we didn't see much development between them and it just felt kinda bland. so in my rewrite, charlie and valtiel are amiable exes. they tried dating when valtiel first fell (when charlie was still a demon in the charlie-angel version) but realized their feelings for each other were much more platonic than romantic. they ended things off on good terms, deciding they were much better as friends. they are still besties to this day! later charlie ends up with emily (or 'ellie' as i plan to rename her)

back to the characters

Alastor:

note: i made alastor mixed-race, which could be seen as bad by some due to vivzie saying he's black. however, as many have pointed out, he has no ethnic features whatsoever and i honestly wouldn't be surprised if she said that just to get away with using voodoo symbols (a closed religion) in his imagery/design. like viv, i am incredibly white and have little to no knowledge of voodoo, and even if i did i would not use it for something like this anyways due to the stigma the religion already has and (again) it being a closed practice. as such i removed it from his concept altogether, but made him mixed race (white passing) because.. why not i guess, i forgor my actual reasoning

with that being said...

alastor is by far my favorite of the redesigns and i'm honestly tempted to turn him into a legally distinct oc. i imagine he's somewhat reserved, along the lines of norman bates albeit a bit more extroverted. during his life he was a serial killer with a day job as a radio announcer. he took pleasure in reporting about his own murders on the radio, but that is eventually what got him caught (ie accidentally letting slip info that wasn't released to the public). as a result he was sentenced to death. upon arriving in hell, he quickly rose through the ranks to borderline overlord status and is a feared presence by demons and sinners alike. why is he bothering to assist in the hotel project? who knows... his motives are a mystery, like the rest of what he does

(he isn't actually alastair crowley i just thought the naming convention was ironic. however he may have also dabbled with satanic magic in lifetime..)

Angel Dust:

TW: brief discussion of SA

this is definitely my second favorite redesign. i loooove insect themes and wanted to do more than just Extra Arms, so he now has fucked up legs and a lot of eyes too! story-wise, angel used to be a criminal mastermind, hated by both the mafia and the feds. he was a gentleman thief, arranging massive heists under the cover of night while also partaking in the occasional drag show. he ended up a cocaine addict later in life, which caused his work to become sloppier. eventually he was killed in a heist gone wrong, specifically shot by the police.

i'm not gonna go too in-depth on the SA part of his story, but he is hypersexual due to being assaulted in both his life and afterlife. it would be something he'd be working on in the rewrite. his reason for coming to the hotel in the first place may have even been for help with this trauma. underneath his sultry exterior is a broken guy who really just needs someone to care about him for who he really is and not for what his body can do.

LUTE:

so lute and adam are some of the characters i have the most gripes about. the biggest one being why viv chose adam as the leader of the exorcists in the first place. if she wants a biblical figure tied to demon killing, Archangel Michael is RIGHT THERE, aka the one destined to kill satan during the events of Revelations. if she wants the first human to die, that would be Abel, not Adam. and i kinda doubt abel would want to do the stuff that HH!adam has been doing. if she wants an angel related to torture, Dumah is her guy! an angel that rules over wicked souls and tortures sinners every day except sabbath. so many better options...

with that out of the way, Lute is still the lieutenant of the exorcist, who are a specially chosen group of powers sent to purge hell once a year. think navy seals. she's pretty much the same as in the show, albeit more muscular and visually different from other exorcists (seriously why do they all look exactly the same?????) she's a very repressed lesbian who hasn't had time to work on that due to her duties

i also redesigned the exorcist uniform/armor because those LED purge masks are fugly as hell and their clothes don't even look remotely like armor.

Adam + Final Thoughts

i did start a redesign of adam but got bored of it. regardless, i think he'd be the head of C.H.E.R.U.B. instead of the exorcists. he doesn't want his children to make the same mistakes he and eve did, so together they started C.H.E.R.U.B. to help lost souls stay out of hell

final thoughts uhhhh i'm tired. show sucks, it had so much potential but viv ruined it by being a shitty writer and an even shittier person. the designs are fine i guess but they all look exactly the same and are in desperate need of variety. the humor is dogshit, saying dick and balls and penis over and over and over again doesn't make it any funnier than the first three times you made that joke. anyways that's it, i hope you liked my inane ramblings. gonna go vanish for another forty years or so, adios

[puhpandas]

GGY week day 6: Everybody lives/nobody dies

so this is a pretty specific au that needs some backstory. basically i have this theory that dr rabbit hasn’t just not shown up yet but is actually dead. since vanny killed glitchtrap at the end of hw2, i have this theory i’ve posted about before that vanny killed dr rabbit pre-sb and that’s how gregory got freed

so in this case that didn’t happen, PLUS rab is a good guy. gregory is a bit on edge about rab being there at first, but eventually after rab doesn’t kill people and is away from vanny and mimic and 3 star fam is actually kinda pleasant (not that he’d say that) he’s like wait a minute.

and instead of being ‘dormant’ and not 3 star fams enemy he kinda just becomes apart of the family. no ulterior motives no nothing he just is on their side for real now and prefers them. along the way he’s able to be a real kid and play gregory’s video games and draw and he likes it a lot. so he just starts to realize hey i don’t like to kill people and want to be normal. gregory can we go to walmart and buy shopkin blind box? i think my favorite ice cream flavor is mint chocolate chip.

meanwhile gregory having someone that hijacked his body and ruined his life still in there when he’s supposed to be free is very anxiety inducing. i think he’d hate rab taking over without permission (which he did a lot at first) and it’d scare him and cause him to be on edge a lot. eventually rab starts to actually care and respects gregory’s boundaries and figures out that being nice is pretty cool. it’s also easier for both of them. and eventually after things blow over a bit i think gregory would work on a temporary robot form for rab to roam around on his own (like a cheap animatronic robot. like those little dogs) and he’d get some peace.

but i think rab is always going to share gregory’s head with him since he wouldn’t have his own hands to draw and play video games so. i think that becomes easier for both of them and feels less intrusive.they bond a lot

[topbottomswitchblade]

Intro To Knifeplay

I'd been wanting to make a tutorial and then @hollyhocks-hoping asked if I had any tips for getting into knifeplay so that finally motivated me enough. Gonna try to make this seem like a really know what I'm talking about and not get anyone killed.

First things first: Knifeplay is risky. It can cause actual harm. But like, so can driving a car, so we mitigate the danger with things like seat belts and drivers ed. This is drivers ed. (driver's ed? drivers' ed? hm.)

There's different ways to do knifeplay that can make it more safe or more risky, depending on what you want out of the experience and are comfortable with.

On the safest end, you can use alternatives to real/sharp knives. I'm going to give some examples but to be clear I am not vouching for any specific products because I have not used them because I skipped the safety level and went for blood. But that's just me.

Acrylic/resin knives (example 1, example 2, example 3,)

Training knives (example 1, example 2)

This is a knife you can order dull, which is kinda the same as a training knife, but I'm making a separate point to say: I have seen some people give advice on ways to dull a blade so you can use it for knifeplay and um. Don't Do That. First of all, very tedious. Second and more importantly, it's unlikely you'll get it to a safe level of dull and could end up hurting your partner/yourself worse if you get careless thinking it's low risk. And if you get cut, it won't be a clean cut. Also the one I linked it sold out sorry. But this one is a dulled bowie knife intended to be used as a paddle?

Putting a butter knife in the freezer so you get the chill of a cold blade without it being sharp. Pair it with leather gloves so the dom's hands don't get cold.

Of course, there's still risk associated with a dull or non-metal blade. If you're like "let's do a scene where I stab you to death, and baby, I'm going for an Oscar," you can still, like, stab your partner. It just won't do as much damage as a real knife would. Like, getting shot with a paintball vs a bullet. Still hurts, but it won't kill you. Don't jam it in their eyes or whatever.

Next up on the danger level: Using real knives without intending to cut your partner.

Use the spine instead of the blade.

Here's is a v simple diagram for our purposes

This comes with some risk (especially with a clip point) as the point is still sharp

But if you want to flash a real knife and hold it to their throat and whatnot, you can press the spine to their skin instead of the blade. Note: even I, as a pretty experienced knifeplayer, do not hold the blade's edge to my partner's throat. If I want to do that, I still use the spine.

You can also use the flat of the blade, which I'm going to say is a touch more risky because edge will be against their skin. Your sub will have to be good and keep still.

Next level: Making shallow cuts with the tip

What I usually do with my partner is use the back side of the knife (spine towards their skin) and make scratches and shallow cuts with the point of the blade. Keeping the blade edge turned away and only using the point gives me more control of the depth. I don't have to worry so much about actually slicing deep, but it's still sharp enough to draw a bit of blood.

Like so

It gets results like this

Pro tip: Open up shallow cuts wider (but not deeper) by paddling them afterwards 👍

I gave an example of clip and drop point above because they're the most common for folding knives, and also are featuring in my parts diagram, but for this practice I also use a karambit which looks like this

Obviously in this case I would not be facing the blade away to use the tip

Spice it up: Put the blade in your sub's mouth. But watch out!

Questionable method: Light stabbing

So. You can push the point in a bit before it breaks skin (unless it's a really sharp blade). I started incorporating this, but then one time I did break skin and it started For Real Bleeding. I staunched it with a tissue for a minute and it stopped and you couldn't even see the puncture, but uh. Probably won't do that again. Do with that what you will. Don't kill anyone; I don't want my blog to appear in court.

I don't think I should really suggest anything more extreme than that in good conscience. I'm sure there are people out there who go harder, but you'll have to find those people and ask them. Ultimately if you practice it safely and feel confident enough to experiment that is a call for you and your partner when you feel ready, just be smart about it and be prepared for do first aid in case of accidents.

Suggestions for blades:

Knives come in a wide range of types and prices, but you can find pretty good ones for like $20-30. Even name brands like Smith & Wesson can be anywhere between $15 and $160. Or if you want a really fancy one like a Benchmade they can run up to the multiple hundreds. But you don't need that.

I've gotten a few of my knives from megaknife.com

Outdoors/sporting goods stores (Cabela's, Tractor Supply Co, Dicks, etc)

Website for a specific brand (Smith & Wesson, Buck, Gerber, etc)

Exacto knives (craft or office supply stores) or scalpels if you want to do some carving. I have used an exacto knife but I prefer regular folding knives. I have not used a scalpel so proceed with caution.

Be aware of the knife laws where you live! This is more for if you're going to be carrying the knife, but still. Usually blades over 3" fall under concealed carry laws.

Safety tip: Aim for meaty parts. Avoid veins and arteries.

Sanitation:

Use alcohol wipes on the blade and skin beforehand. Wash your hands or wear gloves. Clean the cuts afterwards using a gentle soap and warm water. Do not use alcohol on the cuts afterwards. I mean, unless that's part of your pain play but I don't know if that would even be fun lol. You can use neosporin, bactine spray, etc as well.

In general, use good BDSM practices. Talk it through beforehand to establish what you and your partner are comfortable with. Use safewords, give aftercare with the first aid. Don't hesitate to check in throughout. Take it slow when you start out. Don't feel like you have to go hard and draw blood the first time you try it.

[bleedingmochi]

lolol finally finished the “something” i mentioned in my first post.

initially this was gonna be my first post.

would you believe me if i said that i’ve been on a binge of undertale multiverse brainrot, yet missed the sans 2024 au sexyman poll? 

or whatever its called lol.

i don’t have a twitter anyways. 

as much as i’m tempted to go quietly stalk the artists over there…

i’ve already bit the bullet and finally made an account after being a long time lurker of this hellsite. you win tumblr. fu¢k you and your stupid login wall.

anyways hi.

take a guess who’s been living rent free in my head the past month lol.

Sans is actually my second favorite character after Papyrus, if we’re talking canon story ahaha…

i used to post so much of my art when i was younger. it was fun. i miss that.

the engagement and feedback, interacting with fandom…

self-imposed pressure to consistently post art that i wasn’t very proud of may have killed my motivation. among other things. like being too "busy".

the only way i’ve really been able to get back into drawing is sketching. full color drawings is still too overwhelming. 

but i find this character design particularly fun to draw AND color. i guess it’s the simple palette. usually i stress unnecessarily over colors not looking right.

but here i think chaotic elements like sketched and messy coloring help work FOR the character to represent the glitching. like if you look at the sleeves i normally don't like when the pencil texture looks like that. it's still kinda messy. but i like how it turned out overall.

drawing characters i like helps get me out of my comfort zone. and enjoy drawing again.

and Error's such a fun character.

he's definitely one of my favorites.

how happy i was to see he actually won this year. enough so i drew up these sketches as soon as i found out. a month late.

lowkey tho it would have been very funny if he got 2nd place third year in a row lolol.

maybe next yeeeaaarrrrrr.

[alpaca-clouds]

Why I loathe CoD Hector

Something I really wanted to write a proper blog on, is Hector. I answered on another blog on this before, and wrote a shorter thing about this before. But I really wanted to write something on its own. Because I will once again iterate: While Hector in the animated series definitely gets to finish out his character arc, he works a lot better as a character than his game counterpart. And that even though the game came out at the time, where Castlevania tried to go more for storytelling.

Yet, there is this thing, and that mostly comes from it still being an old action-centric game... How the need of making the main characters of action games until sometime in the 2010s into the stoic kind kinda made them worse characters.

I said it before: The Castlevania games for the longest part never really were that interested in telling characterdriven stories and focused more on the gameplay. Which is very much fine. But even when they tried to include more story, for the most part they still keep the brutish, stoic protagonist. Even Alucard, despite looking like a beautiful princess, is very much the stoic male protagonist. This is just a thing with action media that was going on for way too long. Sure, even stoic characters could make for good fan interpretation in stuff like fanfics, it often is an issue that the media itself does not want to actually explore the characters emotions.

Or, to make it fairly clear: This has very much to do with this idea of toxic masculinity. A lot of old action media (not only games, but also movies and such) will not allow male action heroes to show emotional vulnerability, because that would be unmasculine in the eyes of the writers. Which then boils the characters down onto the supposedly "masculine" emotions, like anger and the urge for revenge.

And this is kinda where we get to Curse of Darkness.

We have this whole backstory through the manga, that goes into Hector's background and all that. While I will say that here I prefer the animated version, too, I will fully admit that this is just a subjective thing (I like that the animated version draws some clearer cultural aspects into it, while also giving Hector the agency of killing his abusers, rather than having it happen as an accident), because I definitely can see why people would prefer the manga version.

Where this ends, however, is already at the moment when Hector joins Dracula. Yes, I will fully admit that I am not a big fan of game!Dracula in general, though I will not go into the why here. He works as a game villain, I will admit that, though.

No, what I dislike about Hector's story with Dracula is more the: "And he becomes like the best forgemaster. Like he is so amazing and so strong, and did we tell you how amazing he is?" It goes too much into the power fantasy to me. While I get that the game canon heavily drew on this idea of the main conflict between Hector and Isaac being one of jealousy... I will just say, that a conflict of jealousy is actually so much more boring than a conflict of ideals. And the backstory by far had enough going on there to make it a conflict of ideals, as Hector did still - like in the animated version - not like the idea of killing thousands. Which could have been used for a lot of conflict, but... yeah.

I will still say, that for the most part, the backstory works. While I roll my eyes already at everything with Rosaly, because Rosaly is very much the incanation of the trope where this pure hearted girl saves the soul of the corrupted man (I don't know how this trope is called, but it is for sure a trope), it does work so far.

No, where Hector as a game character stops working is... at the game. Or rather in the moment that Rosaly does do the thing that she as the sole female character in this entire fucking story has to do: She dies so that her death can motivate Hector. And that is to me where game Hector as a character does stop working.

They could have given Hector any motivation to face off against Isaac. They had put up more than enough story fragments in the manga that they could have build from. They could have made it that Isaac wanted to go for revenge and before he could do it, Hector tried to go in there to protect the people he had now learned to love. They could have made it that Isaac tried to ressurect Dracula. They could have made it that Isaac tried to continue Dracula's work until Hector decided that he could not let his former friend do this, because Hector now knows better. There could have been several interesting and good motivations.

But no. Instead they went with: "Girl dead. Boy sad. Boy angry. Boy wants revenge." The fuck?! This is just so bad in terms of storytelling. It is just the refrigerated woman trope, in its most lazy iteration.

They could have given Hector an interesting motivation and conflict. But no, instead they went for revenge. Ugh.

But that was not enough for the writers of this game. Ooooooh no. If it was just that, I would still hate it, but I would be fine with it. Because let's face it, a lot of games use the "revenge for loved ones" trope. Sure, this game is not using it in the most creative way, and it could have done a lot better from the backstory that was set up in other media, but... It is fine. This is fine.

What is not fine however is Julia. I hate Julia. I hate everything about her as a concept.

And again, mind you. I absolutely would not have a problem with Julia if she was just "some girl" or just "Isaac's sister". Then Julia would be fine. It would even be fine if Hector caught feelings for her, even though I would once again roll my eyes at this.

No, what makes Julia so offensive is the fact that she looks and sounds like Rosaly. Meaning, that she explicitly, not just implicitly exists to be a replacement for Rosaly. And that just makes it all so, so badly written.

Worst of all: This gets never explained. Julia just is Rosaly's doppelganger. Just because... Well, because the writers of this game wanted to have their cake and eat it too. They wanted to motivate Hector by revenge for a dead girl, but also wanted to have him end with the girl. And it is just... misogynic writing. I am sorry.

It portrays women as "things" that can be easily replaced. And I hate this so, so much. It is the reason why, even though CoD might not be the worst game in the series, it is by far the one I loathe the most.

And they could have so easily done it differently. Either by not motivating Hector through Revenge in the first place, or by just making Julia a different person from Rosaly. Make her strikingly different and then have Hector fall for Julia. That would have been fine. Just this: "I broke one doll, but I will just get a replacement" thing that game has going is... horrible.

And yes, additionally I will say that another reason why I do prefer the animated version of Hector is, that he is not the stoic kind of character, but he is actually fairly vulnerable. He is a bit of an idiot who easily fall for people. He definitely does not get to have his power fantasy. But it is exactly this that I like. Because it is a story we usually do not get with male characters.

The story of Hector in the animated series is very much a story that would have usually been given to a female character. And I adore this fact. I adore how they switched the gender stereotypes around for this.

Yes, I am well aware that some fans of the games hated this, too. But I honestly have to say: Look, the game characters might have some minor differences, but all in all they all fall under the stereotype of the stoic action protagonist. Yeah, the series needed to switch this around a bit, because it would have gotten boring otherwise.

And frankly. I am sooooo sick of protagonists being all stoic all the time. Give us some variety. It won't kill these characters to smile from time to time... Or, you know, be vunerable.

[liveontelevision]

Hello friends,

Sorry about the lack of content recently, I've been running kinda low on energy :,) but I have some little treats, never fear.

Here's a short Vox thing I wrote awhile ago, it's angsty it's kissy, it ends with a cliffhanger. Classic fic by me.

I meant to turn it into a full thing, and I just might later? We'll see

CW: Smoking and smooching

Human | Vox x Reader

You cringe, scrunching up your nose when the familiar scent hits you. You approach the TV-headed demon, who was lounging on the large balcony of the Vees' Penthouse. Or was it lamenting?

"Yuck. You still smoke here?"

"It's Hell, doll. It's not like it'll kill me. Can't even feel the high anymore, actually."

"I guess not.. Then why do you even smoke? If it doesn't affect you?"

"Eh. I don't know. Try not to think too hard into that shit." A comfortable silence falls between the two of you.

"Can I bum one?" With a mocking scoff, he reaches into his pocket to pull out the pack. In a thoughtless decision, you place the cigarette between your teeth, pulling his face in your direction and inching impossibly close to him. He seemed startled by your sudden attack.

You hover just in front of his lips, lighting the end of your cigarette with the cherry of his own.

That was definitely an interesting move for someone with absolutely no history of smoking. As you inhale, you choke up and immediately cough out the rest. Vox is only watching you, a smile tugging at his lips while you cough up a lung. Your eyes water and you let out a whimper before propping your arms against the railing.

"Smooth." He comments.

"W-Watch it." You snap back.

You do manage to draw out a smoother hit, looking down at the city that, ironically, seemed so lively.

All that time went to waste. All those years you'd spent chasing over this CEO, being a part of the paparazzi, stalking the media for any buzz, passing his building when you have the time.. had the time. The fact that he's seemingly replicated his dream headquarters in the center of the underworld seemed like a Hell in itself. Constantly mocking you for never getting your big scoop. For wasting your life on him.

You couldn't help but approach it at first. You reluctantly enter the stores and offices that surround the first floor, inspecting all his products. You didn't recognize him at first. I mean, he has a TV screen for a head. His voice is what gave it away. His charismatic facade and sauve persona he uses on any television program. That's what you recognized. Apparently those are skills that stick with you after death.

He found you eventually. You'd been residing on the barren side of Hell. It was cozy. Not everyone had family members with them, you were just the lucky few. Your sweet grandma was here. Sinners who are visibly older seemed to be avoid by most clear-minded demons. Why bug them? And what kind of decisions did they make to end up here and survive for so long? They probably don't even remember why they're here. But some seemed to remember their lives.

Your grandma recognize you almost immediately. She was quick to take you into a part of hell that seemed to bypass the cities and dangers. It, of course, had its flaws. The Hellborn rodents were bothersome, but it somehow managed to be peaceful on its own.

It didn't last long, though. Extermination Day finally caught up to your little home. You have no idea how you survived, it was a miracle. but you were the only one. You started appreciating your aftlife in another fit of irony. You're nearly immortal, maybe it's time to give the city a try.

"Thanks for taking me in, too. You didn't have to do that."

"I can't leave my favorite stalker on the streets." He nudges you, having to lean down a bit to do so. He was towering. You let out the softest chuckle, leaning into his touch, despite it's teasing motivations. You sigh, taking another drag.

"Wait these aren't Valentino's smokes, are they?" You hold it over the edge, ready to flick it from your fingers, if that's the case.

"Definitely not. I wouldn't give you those if you asked." You hum at his words, releasing a puff of smoke. "But, uh.. let me know if he offers you any, alright?" You let out a little laugh and nod.

Your comfortable silence was broken, with the end of your cigarette. You let it crumble to the ground, stomping it with your nice business shoes. Vox rolls his eyes, shooing you away.

"Don't ruin those, they were expensive." He mutters.

"Well I would've been fine if you didnt essentially set my wardrobe on fire." You scoff.

"Your wardrobe? Was a bunch of country bumpkin dresses with poofy sleeves, doll. Even Vel was ready to get rid of that mess." The silence overcomes again. The breeze coming from the sheer height of the building seemed refreshing. You looked up to Heaven. How cruel of them to put it in sight.

"I really thought that was it. That life was short and then you die. That there was no point in trying to get rich and famous as long you were doing something you liked."

"So you liked stalking me?"

"Fuck off, Vox, you know what I mean." You couldn't help but smile. "How could I have wasted all that time on you? I could've been building my skills. Maybe I wouldn't be mooching off of some big shot like you if I did." You looked away, not willing to make any eye contact while mentioning him.

"Hey, you know I don't mind.. you can't prepare for death." He reaches out, he's not sure why, maybe to offer you some comfort. Maybe he just wanted to see your face, again. You darted away from him unknowingly, making his hand recoil.

"But, I mind! I don't want to rely on you. I should be able to do this by myself, I came here the same way you did, I had the same chance to get to where you are now." You huffed, embarrassment from your confession turning your face red. "But I just.. I didn't. I keep wasting my time..."

A cool touch hit your cheek, and before you know it your head had been turned to face Vox. He kept his claws holding your chin upwards, despite your attempts to pull out of his grasp.

"Stop it. There's nothing but time here. Listen, I know this isn't exactly what you had in mind, but- for the first time in years.. I feel... human, again." You blink slowly at him, not exactly minding his touch at this point. "And that's because of you." You hated getting flustered, but his words alone caused you to tense up. He felt your jaw clenching in his hand, bringing him back to reality. With a quick release, he brings his fist to his mouth and clears his throat.

"So.. yeah. Don't get it in your head that this is some sort of.. sugar daddy thing. You're free to do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want. And- you uh.. you're always welcome back." You stare at him for longer than you'd like to admit. Looking for some kind of excuse for your gaze, you hold your hand out for another cigarette. He gets the memo after awhile.

You place it between your lips and before you get the chance to think, his hands are back on your chin, bringing your face close. He mirrors your actions from before. It startled you, the cigarette falling from your lips and rolling off the balcony floor. Both your eyes follow it for a moment, before looking at eachother and sharing a little laugh.

His own cigarette falls from his lips. And with his hand still on chin you're pulled into an expected kiss. The sight of his dazed eyes when he finally pulls away only leaves you wanting more. But.. you can't. You pull away with a sullen look and step away from balcony. Without a word, you leave him alone. He's lost yet another independent spark. His heart can ache later. For now, he's cursing himself for letting anyone see that side of him, again.

♡♡♡

Womp womp

Love the pics where they knew eachother in life 👌

Taglist:

( @vififofum / @thornwolfy235 / @tinywolfiegirl / @chipper-chip / @bat-boness / @misfitgirlwrites / @nayomi247 / @lonelynmisunderstood / @escapistoftherealworld / @b4ts1e / @hamthepan / @kyo-kyo1 / @looking1016 / @polytheatrix / @littledolly2345 / @lillianastuff / @yourlocalcryptidbee /@0strawberrysorbet0 / @themageofblood / @jayyyayaysblog / @floralsightings / @azmosposts / @8har0ley8 / @actuallyspiderwoman / @sirenetheblogger / @christineblood / @kaytemchugh / @cimadreamer / @simpdevil66 / @azmosposts / @m3ow1 / @acrazyartist / @redfoxwritesstuff / @4k1to / @meesachan / @corvusskid / @alientee /@xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx / @alon3lylov3r /@sapphireravensworld / @mjmdragons / @catticora / @the-maladaptivedaydreamer / @carrie0-1 / @shamblezzz / @cassandras-nest )

[skitskatdacat63]

"Arrogant, ruthless, and by all reports (including his own) utterly charming."

(I don't know why I drew this but please take Revolutionary War British officer George, I think it suits him, okay!!!)

+ George Russell the type of guy to t-pose in front of rebels

+ the usual

Okay first of all, process, as always:

I drew this in one day hahaha....Actually really fun! I haven't finished anything in almost a month, and haven't painted for even longer, so I'm kinda dying at the fact that 18th century George Russell got me motivated 😭 Sometimes when painting, I realize I have free will and can actually just start painting over the lineart, and that's the best moment of every drawing process 🙏

Also I'm very proud of his face!!! I've said before, but art progression is such a weird thing. You'll keep repeating to your self "I'm no good at [insert art thing.]" And then randomly realized you can in fact do it. That's me with drawing real people's faces 😭 I'm just so shocked I got his face pretty good in one try!!!

Okay about the pose and quote. God its so fun to misappropriate quotes for my own evil deeds. Both of these are from this one officer from the Revolution: Banastre Tarleton. Idk, I randomly saw his painting in a history video, and it's stuck in my mind ever since. And then yesterday, bcs I spent a lot of time looking at George, I'm like "hey you know what he kinda reminds me of-" and thus we have this.

I just found that quote about him from some historian to be funny, so I put it as a caption, as I would with Napoleon. This won't be an AU by any means but. I think if George was in the Revolution, he'd be the most stereotypical, evil British villain in American media type guy ever. And Tarleton is kinda that guy tbh, to the point where him and others like Arnold Benedict are the poster boys of evil Revolution guys. He even has a mocking nickname! "Bloody Tarleton/Ban", very "Osama bin Russell," no? 😭

Some notable moments from Tarleton's campaign that I think fit George: Apparently killed a bunch of American soldiers after they surrendered, making sure everyone was dead(😭😭), threatened to burn an American general's house down to make him surrender and then took him hostage, went toe to toe with George Washington himself and Washington even taunted him and Tarleton got a shot in, has a helmet named after him(very slayful.)

[bluginkgo]

Just what in the fack did I watch... I'm gonna go watch it again just for funsies and to cry again (Rambles/Thoughts)

This post will mostly contain random rambles and thoughts I had while watching and rewatching the episode. And a lot of this is just going to be me ranting about scenes (the rants will most likely make you wanna go "Ginkgo, that's common sense we can see it smh." XD Just roll with it. Oh and NUzi scenes

Spoilers, duh and lots of words. Oh and gore warning? Kinda?

I mean... that scary *ss mother facking thing towards the end- you know what I'm talking about if you watched the ep 😅

First thing I found interesting, is how the Solver behaves in this scene. It's mere shadows, not even fully manifested. Further proves that the Solver transcends simple time and space, and is on a different plane of existence- a 4th dimension if you will.

The humans did, in fact, learn how to control the Solver. The pentagram like projections act as gravity enforcers and lights that subdue the solver for a period of time. Buuuut it seems that it's not full proof. It seems that this occurance is fairly common, seeing as the workers nearby were not very concerned that an eldrich being was about to break loose.

Alright another slow moment here. But I had to google wtf "MacGuffin" meant (English isn't my first language, so take it easy on me ;w;). And taking this straight from the google search "an object or device in a movie or a book that serves merely as a trigger for the plot." So most likely, the Absolute Solver is referring to the fact that Mitchell the intern set things in motion simply because he was mistaken for the real Dr. Chambers... Classic- CLASSIC human mistake XD

So... Heart/Nori. Something interesting is going on with her. I believe Nori WAS injured by the DDs and had to be finished off by Khan. I'll touch on Khan a bit later. But, just as seen with Eldrich J... I'm not sure why I've never thought of this before! It makes sense for Nori's corrupted core: Heart, to still function properly. Meaning, she could have snuck away when she was killed and returned to the cathedral to search for the crucifix. Uzi gets most of her style from Nori 🥹. Seems like Uzi got her mom's style and Khan's engineering abilities.

I had it all wrong- and I am ALL FOR IT! N wasn't afraid of something he saw ahead. He was upset with what they left BEHIND! V! And THIS ENTIRE SCENE

You cannot believe how surprised I was. This scene was so much better than I could have imagined it. Yes, it was painful to watch, but sweet robo-god this was executed SO DAM WELL TwT It was delicious angst. And Tessa was not in fact drawing her sword on Uzi, but instead protecting her... kinda... with an ulterior motive of course.

The gut wrenching betrayal right there. The animation team did a wonderful job at animating the betrayal and how it manifested in Uzi. Disbelief and then anger.

Not to mention her stumble. I hyper fixated on that stumble a bit too much on my first 2 watches. (Yes, I've rewatched the episode 8 times now, hush I love it XD). Her stumble shows weakness. And in that moment, she wishes to be anything BUT weak. The suspicion of betrayal is settling in, and she needs to be able to fight back. But her body is giving out. The events are taking a toll on her. And makes me appreciate the animation detail that much more.

This scene N is definitely angry. He's trying his best to keep it together and Tessa's pressure to injure and kill Uzi is not helping. So for him to be talking to Uzi, while glaring at Tessa is just him driving the point home. He is NOT going to hurt Uzi, no matter what they might find down in the labs.

But a poor choice of words that was. It gives Uzi a glimpse of what was actually happening and what has been bothering N. The trust vaporizes, and with it, any attempts with communication.

And what I believe, gives a nod back to ep2. As N steps in to try to help Uzi up, she retreats. Same happens in this episode. And the kicker? "Falling... for you" song starts lightly playing in the background.

This is far too comical after he says he deserves to have his limbs cut off. The whiplash I got from that is ridiculous... in a sad and funny way.

What an amazing shot. But it does paint a picture of what the DDs have done. Perhaps the blood also acted as cooling agents, and this is why the trend continued with robots- except this time around as oil. And this is what the Administration CYN most likely blocked out. Not only the manor time, but also the bloodbath that followed as Earth collapsed.

THE DOG MADE IT IN AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It's interesting on how the solver manifests in the drones. It seems that Uzi's wings and tail, do not make the solver go insane, and she can continue to use it. However, later in the episode the same wings and tail go berserk. So it seems that once the transformation has set in- like with Uzi- it becomes part of the drone rather something that is manifested by the Absolute Solver's control.

SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE XD Part 2A that Khan refers to is on the bottom left corner, the green core that Uzi got a hold of back in pilot episode- also titled as "I think this is a robot liver or something lol."

Plan B: Uzi could have had a normal gun if railgun didn't work. Bottom right corner

Top left corner under Uzi's railgun title: "30 min recharge time. That'll be fine." Famous last words ever XD

Top right corner: "Other things it can do: Not judge me, force prom dance, I can say I had friends but fricken murdered them with sci fi weaponry."

I love how sassy he is here XD His character development and arc is something that I will never forget. He has definitely come a great ways. Khan also seems adamant about his wife being completely dead. Which proves that he didn't know a single thing about the Absolute Solver and what it can do. He could only reference Nori's insane drawings and deduce that the planet was going to eat them all soon.

Idk if this is just my tired brain, but this comment felt like a joke to me. (Remember, I don't know anything about computers and the language ;w;) But the physical patch to save herself... as in, the same patches that are sent out for games/programs to fix bugs? That's the joke I got out of that one 😅

This entire sequence was something out of my nightmares XD The heel tapping that KEPT GETTING QUICKER definitely had me reeling back from the screen XD

The Nori and Yeva scene was so wholesome 🥹. I loved the way the animators showed their interaction. Despite the hellish events, they were still close.

My only issue with this image is, on what is Doll moving? Not like the floor. The core is gone from her body, what the heck is still driving her forward? Perhaps just on the sheer will to warn Uzi to "fight back." And I suppose I can see how she could still move without her main core. Almost acting like chickens do, when you cut their heads off. One was able to live for 18 months after the head was cut. So I suppose I can get behind the idea that Doll's final wish was to warn Uzi, at the very least, and thus forced the body to move until it did so.

But then, Tessa shows up. Which makes me wonder if she was the one that simply lead Doll's body to come to Uzi. How? Uhhh... Absolute Solver! Let's just go with that sweat face. The con in that theory is a simple: why? Why bother leading Doll to Uzi? To spook her? To give a false reason to attack Uzi? Given that N was still very much behind them all, I don't see why the Absolute Solver would try to make up some odd reason to attack Uzi. It could just simply... go ahead. There was no one there to fool, and could incapacitate Uzi easily. Buuuut I could also be looking too deep into this, as per usual.

Hey guess what.

I found the answer. XD Just as I'm typing this up, a frame popped up.

Yup, the core was still inside and thus running Doll and thus Doll could move, ok carry on. XD

Emotions spike the Absolute Solver, something that I love seeing and appears to be less headcanon and more canon at this point for me. Through the entire episode, the Solver keeps glitching out and forcing Uzi to lose control because in this situation, she's very stressed. A betrayal, a misunderstanding, learning about the past, everything becomes too much. This makes keeping the solver at bay that much harder.

He did NOT give her any chance. Yes or no, Tessa. That suddenness surprised me- in a good way. This shows how much N has grown. He's willing to stand up for his beliefs that much better. If he suspects something, he now acts on it, and does not wait for the other side to perhaps change his mind.

This scene. This scene shall live in my head rent free for a long while... Actually, the entire episode is gonna live rent free for a while. XD Not to mention the "Falling... for you" song plays in the background yet again. Ugh, pulling on heart strings there ;w;

They had us all fooled XD The hand lights were on just to trick us, and in fact were meant to be off this entire time! Oh you sneaky sneaky people. >w<

ALL OF THESE SCENES, they're all so cruel but SO GOOD TwT So cruel in context of how tortured N must be to fight Uzi, but so good in context that this fight sequence and animation is executed SO WELL. All of Nori's slaps were so personal XD Mama Nori educating NUzi

When I saw this scene, I couldn't help but think of ep3 and their dance. This entire episode is so bittersweet ;w;

She's still there TwT And she sees this entire fight. Of what she has become and done to N and omg I'm crying again. Moving on.

OMG YOU SILLY GOOBER BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH XD I love Nori/Heart's reaction, but the Absolute Solver also gets me laughing a bit too hard. "WHAT." That's so simple yet so effective. "What. Why. You are a DD I sent to kill the hosts, why are you hanging out."

The entire scene with NUzi screaming. Just. YES. What better way of gettin rid of stress than screaming! ^_^

Oh you sneaky, sneaky people. Well, all I can say, you got me. You got me good. This is something I didn't think of, but should have. It's simple to get these shots with certain rigs missing. And it was done seamlessly. Well done, well done. I begrudgingly applaud you. XD

HE'S PATTING HER HEAD AAAAHHHHH *proceeds to ascend to another realm*

They did not... omg they did XD Ah, yes, welcome a new horror oh and by the way here- :3 a cute face

Omg they look so cool- KHAN WTF XD

LOL J THE PRIOR HAZARD WARNING AHAHAHAHAHA

The way she shook his hand trying to snap him back to himself and wake up 😭. And the entire sequence following this... I'm just now slowly starting to process it, oh and great I'm sobbing again. Alright, moving on.

Well, I have some thoughts in this. This is personal thoughts, thus this is where you are more than free to yeet this section into the void that Uzi was dragged into... sorry that was a bad joke- anyways. "Die mad." I feel like this is her way of telling N to not give up. To go out there and FIGHT. But if he can't win, then to die like she is. To die in a way that he will be proud of and to go batsh*t crazy. Because by now, Uzi must know that all of their chances of survival are slim. So you might as well go out with a bang and "die mad."

Something I noticed and was further solidified when @bloodywolfwings also mentioned it. Uzi looks at peace here and very accepting of death. And I say, yes, she very much is. I think this was a way of her asking N for forgiveness. For getting mad at him in the beginning of the episode, for failing to be useful/protecting N, and for fighting against him- despite being possessed. And perhaps even, as an incredibly insane and radical thought, for loving him. This entire episode has put the characters and us through the wringer, and that "sacrifice" was just the cherry on top.

Something I have seen already mentioned once at very least (by @/rebecca-babe) and something that also put me on edge was the ending credits... or the lack of. Of course, all the credits roll, but it's not the usual type. Instead of an upbeat music that is either "Uzi the drone killer" or a theme that was seen in the episode... its SILENCE. Being a musician myself, I love how much love has been put into Murder Drones. The sound effects and the main music are always top-notch. But that ending unsettled me the most. The lack of all noise is something that is terrifying and unsettling in that ending. Almost like all the music and sound left with the "sacrifice" of the main character, Uzi. The entire episode was filled with sounds, silence only being present when something incredibly WRONG was happening - like at the beginning when intern Mitchell re-entered the cathedral. And as much as I love how well executed this entire scene was, I hated it. Because that scene does the job that it was set out to do. Put you on edge, and make you feel like all hope is lost. That this is it. This is the end.

This is the end of my rambles and thoughts that I had while watching ep7. I may have more later on as I keep rewatching this episode for the rest of the week ;w;

Want to hear more of my stupid rambles? This has 3 other parts!

[winterisol]

Motogp riders as greek/roman gods pt.1

so like this idea has been sitting in my head for roughly a week, what greek/roman gods would my favorite motorsport athletes would be. So for now I compiled the aliens and VR46 Academy riders for motogp. (Sorry for any mistakes this was typed at like 2 AM after finals)

Marc Marquez: Ares

This just makes so much sense to me, because if you watch any instance of Marc racing he is literally the definition of "war-mode." He is extremely aggressive, ballsy, and sometimes (most of the time) crosses the line. In this way he embodies the well known image of Ares, a god known for his impulsive actions, rage and well the "dirty" parts of war. However, the reason why I chose Ares for Marc is actually the fact that Ares is extremely loyal, loving and honestly more wholesome than popular media gives him credit. Like his loyalty and love for those he cares about extends deep with one of my favorite myths being the time Ares killed a son of Posidieon for violating his daughter. I feel like this loyalty and love is a key part of Marc, the man who insists on living with his younger brother at the ripe age of 31. Anyway yeah, for Marc its kinda the negative social conditions associated with him, and his division between his competitive racing side and his personal side which made Ares so compelling.

Valentino Rossi: Apollo

This was actually one I debated about for a while, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense. I think the most obvious reason for Vale to be Apollo is his presence, like even through the camera there is something about Vale that just draws people in. He literally feels like he has the gravitational force of the Sun. I also think this is a good match because, kinda like marc with Ares, Vale is like Apollo in that no matter what he is like the cool popular guy. When reading old Greek myths, Apollo is always portrayed as this good, strong, cool guy, even though his actions are often the opposite. Like Apollo commits so many atrocities and in some ways is worse then Ares, yet he is constantly absolved of these wrongdoings. The Illiad is a great example, where while Ares is bashed for his wrongdoings, Apollo literally kills Patroclus with little to no consequences other than Achilles bitching about him. In this way Vale also fits, because lets be honest, even as a big fan of Vale, he in many instances was not much better than marc. Especially young Vale, who kinda like marc made risky moves because for him it was always a win or nothing. I also like this pairing cause, like Vale, Apollo can hold grudges and make people's lives living hell.

Pecco Bagnaia: Hephaestus

This is another one that took a bit of thinking, but yeah other than his pretty boy image, I think this one is spot on. So the first obvious reason is that if Marc is Ares, the heir apparent to Olympus, Pecco is definitely Hephaestus, the scorned younger brother who is never seen as good enough, despite being chosen by his parents (in this case Vale). Like, Pecco is the chosen one for Vale, but to the media and basically everyone else who isn't VR46 academy, Marc is seen as the rightful successor to Vale's legacy. I think this also plays in nicely with how Pecco is often regarded, underrated, unmentioned and sometimes not given the respect he deserves as a two-time motogp champion already. Like, Pecco has so much talent that often sits ignored in favor of his more flashy senior, just like how Hephaestus is in Olympus. I think his low-key personality, but sometimes explosive anger which can manifest in irritational actions or cunning traps also matches Hephaestus well. Like Jorge Martins, literally said that Pecco is most likely to play mindgames, instead of the obvious Marc. Pecco has also seen to sometimes overreact, like that one time in qualifying with Marc (also ironically fits into the Ares V. Hephaestus narrative as well).

I have more but like I'm losing motivation to explain it so maybe I'll make a part two tomorrow or something

[cosmicobubisi]

Cosmic's Malleyuu Whump vs Flufftober: Day 29

FATIGUE labyrinth | burnout | "who said you could rest?" / Time Capsule

Inspired by @ventique18's "For you, my love, anything."

TW: Mentions of torture

At this point, the shakes, the nausea, and the pounding, bleating headaches were just the extra sparkle that elevated Yuu's current existence from "kinda sucky" to "super hell".

They couldn't even remember an existence without them anymore. They were as much thorns in their side as the crutches they lay upon, when their broken, beaten body had well and truly run out of energy,

Yuu could be sleeping right now, but they'd be trading a bit of momentary comfort for a world of pain later. This, and all the other reasons listed above, where why they were considering a truly out-of-character move.

Crowley, or Raverne, or whoever he was, lay a few paces in front of Yuu, slumped over at his desk in a rare concession to his mortal body.

It probably hadn't been a willing concession. He only slept when he passed out, and only ate or drank for the same reason.

Yuu wasn't afforded such luxury. They could pass out and be pinched, slapped, or burned awake, forced to go on until they could not be roused.

If their mind were clearer, they'd wonder what the point of this all was was. While a little motivation was good, a little starvation nothing in the face of rescuing one's family, surely constantly staying this close to illness or death was less productive than just working regular hours and taking breaks.

But the only thing that occupied Yuu's thoughts nowadays was the all-consuming urge to murder the man before them.

It wouldn't be easy. They didn't have many tools that wouldn't be far too heavy to kill with in this prison of a temporal pocket dimension. All they really had was some sharp pencils, but right now, that sounded like more than enough.

They stood, head swimming and knees turning into water. The transition from standing to sitting had become all the more difficult with their lack of nourishment, and Yuu had to fight not to stumble into their own chair, lest they make some loud noise and spoil their plan.

Once they'd caught their breath, Yuu's eyes focused again on the form slouched over the desk. His desk was messy, as usual, and Yuu hoped that the bright light and awkward angle of his neck caused his cheek to dig in hard to the pushpins almost certainly scattered on his desk.

Yuu reached over to grab a pencil, then went back for six more.

They raised them over his back, and grit their teeth as they jammed the pencils into his neck.

Yuu had underestimated just how weak they'd become, however, because as the points of the pencils hit flesh, the strength of their grip faltered, allowing most of the pencils to clatter to the floor.

One managed to stab decently deep, though it didn't draw blood. What it did end up doing, however, was waking Crowley with a fright.

He shot up and swung his arms out, and Yuu took a large step away before he hit them.

Shaking off sleep, he looked at them groggily, but before his eyes could fill with his usual rage, Yuu tackled him in their own anger.

They managed to catch him off-guard enough that they were able to roll over onto him, crushing his lungs with their weight.

"You have to stop this," they croaked out, voice breaking with fury and exhaustion. "This isn't working anymore."

"Get off of me!" he grit out, punching their arms with his flails.

Yuu picked up his head and slammed it back onto the glossy floor- not hard, and not far, but the gesture was still meant to literally knock some sense into him.

For a moment, everything was silent, save for the roar in Yuu's ears.

Had they done it? Had they actually gotten through to him?

Before they knew it, Yuu was on their back, seeing stars in the bright lights up above.

"I didn't say you could rest," he hissed, nearly spitting at them "Who said you could rest? Because that certainly wasn't me."

He picked them up by the neck and dragged them to a familiar door.

"Come out when you've got a new idea," he spat, and they were thrown into the labyrinthine storage closet without another word.

His strength hadn't left him, Yuu thought as they crashed into a rack of shelves, holding any matter of knickknacks collected over the years.

Yuu could hardly pick themselves off the floor, scattered on the tile like spilled marbles. They sobbed, loud and ugly into the darkness, not bothering to muffle their sobs anymore.

When Yuu had agreed to help Crowley, after the mirror expedition had gone so wrong, things hadn't been like this. He always forged ahead, like he knew better than they did, but they were a team.

Yuu thought they'd seen something in that man. Behind his scatterbrained facade had been a man destroyed by the horrors of war, and they thought, with enough digging, they could rediscover the man who'd been lost.

That man was buried too deep in the ground for Yuu to uncover, however, at least if they were alone.

This place was torturing him- a place for Crowley to live in an echo chamber of his worst mistakes and most brutal failings.

No wonder he was so messed up here. That kind of thing would drive anyone mad.

Scrubbing their hand over their face as the sobs subsided, they tried to remember they weren't alone. Malleus was out there, somewhere, and he at least had his mother so he was not alone.

Yuu's eyes opened, and in the darkness, they saw something gleam.

In loopy script were the words, "To Meleanor, from Raverne" on a box, and Yuu opened it, curious about its contents.

Inside was a number of objects Yuu barely understood. A letter, with script too dense for Yuu to read, a box with earrings in it, a pressed flower, a stained napkin, a small portrait of someone that could have been anyone, and a folded-up note, with a necklace wrapped up in it.

Yuu didn't know what they were staring at, and for a few moments, their brain struggled to process that it was an object of great significance anyway.

Feeling every joint in their body protest, Yuu returned all of the objects save one to the box and stood up, stumbling out of the closet.

"Hey," they shouted, getting his attention, holding up the necklace and the writings of a spell. "Does this mean anything to you?"

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

Baz & biting Simon

(And why I think it’s ok if he never wants to do it)

I never thought about this before (maybe because I don't get the appeal of a vampire's bite, what with all the blood and the stabbing and being poisoned and the pain, but other people finding it hot isn't my business) (neck kisses though... that I get). I have seen the arguments in favor of Baz biting Simon, ranging from "I think that would be good for Baz's character development" to "I personally think it's hot." I accepted them (hell, I might have even thought of or written a biting scene considering the former, I don't remember) and that was that... until I saw the arguments in favor of respecting that Baz doesn't want to bite Simon.

For starters, one needs to consider what biting Simon would mean. People have read Baz's vampire nature as connected to his queerness – he often thinks about them in the same breath (very grimly including "which one is the one getting me discriminated against right now" scenarios... "I don't know if Daphne means me getting cured of the vampirism or the gayness" kinda puts homophobia on the same level as being against vampirism).

In that vein, Baz being alright with biting Simon as part of sexy times is seen as synonymous with Baz fully embracing his queerness; Baz loving every part of himself just like how Simon loves every part of him. This is where I would usually call it a day, but... actually, I don't think it's right to completely lean on the vampire identity as synonymous with his queer identity 100%. As a metaphor, it's not the only thing it can represent (I once read a good meta that saw the ways he has to plan around it etc as a metaphor for disability). In a more literal sense, the books give you enough to question the WOM's treatment of vampires. But seeing vampires in Las Vegas getting smart about drinking blood without killing doesn't erase the predatory nature associated with them... so I think it's a delicate conversation that needs to know where to draw lines, where to connect, and where to separate things.

I think much comes out of the scene where Simon says there's "nothing about you I don't want." But one also needs to consider that, while Simon absolutely means it (which is a powerful thing to convey to Baz, who has always felt he's loved in spite of who he is) when asked about why he wanted Baz to bite him, his answer to that specific question is not "I think that would be good for you" but "I personally think it's hot" (even if wanting to be with Baz when he hunts and "they should see him draining a deer!" or something highlights that it makes Simon happy and proud to see Baz getting his needs fulfilled without shame, "I want him to bite me, specifically" is more about Baz's hotness, compared to Simon wanting to try kinky stuff). And you can see that without him having to say it: when Baz is asking him about past sexual experience, Simon keeps trying to change the subject, eventually going to "I want to focus on actually sexy things, so you should let me watch you drink the nasty little rats I lovingly helped you catch."

So eventually we arrive at: it makes Baz uncomfortable to be asked this. It causes him distress, even. The fact that Simon would be into it, by itself, or even as motivation is... not a good reason to challenge Baz's feelings. One should never do anything they don't want or feel comfortable with sexually for someone else's sake. Centering Simon's desire over Baz's comfort is... well. Even more when Simon himself is just discovering desire and what it means to him – at this point, he doesn't actually know what he would be into, so he's just saying shit. All Simon actually knows is that he's into Baz, and all Baz-related things are a turn on (just like how Baz is like "wouldn't have considered myself a tail guy, but since Simon has one..." before giving him a tail job.) More importantly, I think Simon means it when he promises he won't bring it up again upon noticing Baz's distress. Simon wants to take care of him and make him happy – he won't push Baz to do anything that makes him uncomfortable (especially since Simon has experience with unwanted sexual situations, which has very likely contributed to his issues with intimacy) (I have many posts about that, finding them though...)

Then comes the point about self-acceptance. About how Baz deserves to love every part of himself as much as Simon loves him. Realistically, a lot of us have parts about ourselves that we don't like, parts that we can't change, but become okay with them by negotiating with them. Perhaps not really comparable, but just for the sake of giving an example: disliking one's body shape, but learning how to dress in a way that flatters it. Finding features we like and highlighting them. Learning how to manage bad moods.

I don't really think Baz needs to bite Simon to find any sort of self-acceptance. Baz is a natural caretaker. He has a soft heart. Even in a fight where he's in actual danger, he holds back – he doesn't want to hurt others (and only snaps if Simon is in danger or gets hurt). The predatory nature of a vampire goes against Baz's very core. And an essential part of that predation is in making humans targets. In putting humans at the bottom of a food chain. This is not something Baz can separate from a vampire bite, and he's not the type to be into about whatever role-power-play shenanigans that someone else could get out of that. When someone in Las Vegas is taking a sip, they have enough practice to let the human walk away alive, but for convenience – they don't give a shit about the actual human (I imagine people died in the process of figuring out when to stop and in mastering the control required for it). On top of that, Baz has trauma around hunting (killing) in a way that hurts him (pets). Simon is the person Baz loves the most – what Baz needs is not to put himself in a "predatory role" when Simon is the target. He doesn't need to put Simon in a position where there is even the slightest chance of Simon getting hurt, and worst of all: of Baz being responsible. Just the thought it's traumatizing for him. When Baz chooses to only eat certain types of animals (because pets too feed into his self-hatred) he's already negotiating with something about himself he doesn't like. He's turning something he hates about himself into something he can accept. Into something he can live with. I do think Baz has issues he needs to work on, but I don't think modifying his diet is required. The way in which he figured how to solve his drinking needs is pretty good when considering Baz's essence, his wants and needs. When considering how Baz wants to live his life.

Which takes me to health and immortality. Another argument in favor is that Baz will look more "healthy" if he were to drink human blood... but what else is there? Are optics important if Baz is still able to function healthily with his dietary choices? The only other thing human blood brings in this universe is immortality, something that's so unthinkable it's actually paralyzing for Baz. I've seen the idea that Baz should embrace that too; I disagree, and I fail to see an argument strong enough in favor ("it would be cool" for him? the hell it would). Immortality too goes against Baz's very nature: the idea of outliving everyone he has ever loved, for someone like Baz, would be the worst kind of torture. The fact that drinking human blood is the key to living forever just means there's actually not a single reason strong enough for Baz to have a change of heart. On the contrary: it's a good reason to fucking double down on his stance. "He could just take a little sip; enough to gain some color but not enough for immortality" But why? He can barely control when his fangs drop, why would he bother doing all that, when it implies trial and error with something that could risk Simon's safety? He wouldn't do it even if it meant just Simon getting a bit dizzy and shit.

Finally, there's the argument on why people would rather respect Baz's wishes. The thing that made me reconsider every single point in favor of biting and not finding them as strong as this. It's very simple, really, so I'll be brief here: it's the idea of having a boundary or hard line that others can't understand... that others believe it's something to "get over," that "can't be good for you," and needs to be changed. Something one "should grow out of," which heavily resonates with people who are in the acespectrum (I think the writing in these books are very ace friendly) or who are aromantic, or don't want to drink alcohol or do or want anything that society pressures us to do or want or else "something is wrong with us."

Baz not biting humans is a boundary that matters to him, even if biting doesn't end in death... His own experience with getting bitten sucked ass, anyway. It changed him in ways beyond his control – his boundary is how he gains control of who he is, and how he sees himself. It provides comfort. So when the author says "I might change my mind someday, but I think this boundary is important for him to maintain" and wants to honor that, I'm inclined to support it.

[ivy-diaries]

‎ ⁎ ‎ ‎ 𓍼 ‎ ‎ ๋ ‎ ◜ &.&. THE IVY INCIDENT ep 1. ◞ ‎ ... ‎ ‎

The intro plays, and Ivy appears on the screen smiling and leaning into the mic to speak. “Hello guys, welcome to my new podcast, 'The Ivy Incident!!’ This has been in the works ever since I stepped into the dive podcast studio when I came here to film the kpop daebak show with Eric so it's soo exciting to finally show you guys this project!” she laughs as the other staff there are heard clapping.

Laughing, she continues "so in this podcast, I invite my friends from the industry and we just you know, talk and share stories! It's a lot similar to Eric's but mine is more personal if you will because all these people are very very close to me and I've known them for a pretty long time! This episode is just gonna be me cuz this is like an introduction for all the first-time listeners who don't know who I am!" “So I heard Diane has some questions prepared for me, so let's get into it!” 

“let's start with the basics, yeah? Who is Ivy Jennifer James?” Diane asks her. 

“Oh we’re going back to the beginning okay! So as you’ve already mentioned, my name is ivy jennifer james. I was born in New Castle, Australia where I lived till I was five and then I moved to the US where again I lived for five years before moving to Korea when I was eleven. And in korea, i signed with bighit entertainment and when i was asked if i was ready to debut when i was 14 i think? I was like imma do it. So i debuted at 14 under both jype and bighit and the rest is history! And i'm here today hehe”

“What motivated you to pursue a career as a solo artist?”

“Hmm i think ever since i got into bighit, i've always wanted to be a soloist? I'm not really sure why but I always saw myself as a soloist for some reason. Even till now, if you ask my dad he’d say that i was born to do this” ivy laughs and continues “i think ever since i was little ive wanted to something in the field of music and performance”

“Was being a kpop idol your first choice?”

“It was actually! I mean keeping in mind that i started this since i was a literal child, it actually was my first choice. The kids at school did tease me for this but look at me now” ivy chuckles

“Who are your music inspirations?”

“That's a great question and I was literally talking to Jun about this this morning! I dont have one specific inspiration but i think i draw inspiration from any and all artists! I've been pretty inspired by the Beatles and Rolling Stone pretty recently and obviously, Taylor Swift is one of my biggest inspirations out there.” 

“Are you a sweet or savory type of person?”

“It honestly depends on my mood if i'm being honest” she laughs hard “now, im craving something savory! I'd kill for some fries right now oh man you’ve perked up my cravings now diane!!”

“What's the last song you listened to?”

Ivy laughs hard and almost tears up laughing “this is actually so funny oh my god the last song i listened to is actually a helium ingested cover of let me love you by justin bieber which yeonjun sung for me yesterday after a party we went to and let me tell you, it was soo funny!!”

“According to you, tell me 3 flaws and 3 qualities about yourself”

“Ooh, three qualities of mine would be, one, I think I'm kind I guess? Second, I'm somewhat responsible, and third and finally, I think I'm a human sized golden retriever because I'm very bubbly and very smiley smiley most of the time! And three flaws of mine are, one, i’m a big overthinker, i just rethink about every single choice or word of mine a little too much. Second, my moods are based on the weather…”

Ivy laughs at the look on Diane's face “yea.. My mood everyday kinda depends on how good the weather is.. That's why I'm not as fond of the rain because it makes me kind of depressed and I just shut myself off most of the time. Third, im a bit of a perfectionist so i expect any and all things to be a little too perfect.. If its not what i expect it to be, i just leave that and will not ever touch on it again and i know i should change these things and i am trying so.. yeah “

“okay, something similar but three things you like and three things you dislike”

 “I don't like these types of questions!!” she laughs “it makes me think too much to give an answer!! But anyways… hmm three things i like are, one, my husband” she giggles as a small blush is seen on her cheek “well it's true!! I wouldn't have married him if I didn't like him would I?” she giggles “second, i really love what i do so, my career and third, my loved ones! I love my friends and family because they've stuck with me through thick and thin and I'm really grateful for that!” she smiles and gives the camera a little hand heart

“three things i hate are.. Hmm lets see… one, people who do not value privacy. I've said this multiple times and i'll say this again but I do love my fans.. I love them a lot and I wouldn't be here without them. But there are some people who claim that they are fans but do unhinged stuff to get close to me. And like that's why I've sued some people for not valuing my privacy. I got hate for it but honestly I don't care when the privacy and the lives of the people i love are at stake."

"Second, coming back to a slightly normal side, I absolutely hate the smell of fish. I don't know if it's cuz im vegetarian but I always throw up whenever I smell it and third, coming back to a more serious side, I hate the fact that most people on the internet feel like it's their right to comment on us as celebrities or idols or as performers. It's so irritating that they don't even feel sorry for what they say. They don't know how much we over think it and it slowly becomes an insecurity that takes years to wear off.”

“Okay this is your second to last question and the question is, For listeners who may not have heard your music before, can you recommend a few songs that best represent your sound and artistic vision?”

“That is a really good question, oh my god! So I think my discography is quite diverse and I have a lot of songs for different kinds of people who like different things. So the top three songs that i’d recommend to people are, one, vengeance as its called. There's no explanation for that song but I loved making it and loved singing it so that's the first song and second, I have a song called lovers in the night  that i co wrote with seori which I absolutely loved and we had a great time writing the song. And third I think is, my whole album called “for us.”  which i wrote with yeonjun and its songs dedicated for each other and hence called for us!”

“Okay… last question, can you give us any hints of the upcoming guests you have here?” Diane asks, smiling knowingly. Ivy giggles and wiggles her fingers across the camera

“Well I guess I can.. But most of my friends have not given me exact dates of their free schedule so even i’m not really sure on whos coming” she laughs at herself “so that's all i can tell you now because that's just all i know so” she just shrugs as she smiles.

“That's it for this episode and I hope you guys enjoyed this. I'm so excited for all the things we have in store for you guys and I hope you look forward to it!! So this has been ivy so far and thank you for listening to the ivy incident! Have a good day or good night bye!!”

⋆ ivy taglist ˒ @stealanity @alixnsuperstxr @riikiblr @skz-libby @escapetheash (lmk if u wanna be added or removed)

⋆ priya says ˒ so this is not proofread so read at ur own risk lol <33 but if you've come this far,, please reblog with the bow emoji (🎀) so I know that readers are interactive and writers get the credit they deserve!! so lmk who you want to see on ivys podcast and any feedback tbh!! Happy reading!!

[theheromira]

Nimona appreciation post (Part 3 of idk even know how many)

Hi guys, I'm back with Part 3. Sorry about the delay, I tend to procrastinate even if something has to do with my newest hyperfixation lol (Pic for attention, like always lol)

at the beginning he says to Amb that he's not brooding and now he tells Nimona that "Knights don't mope, they brood."

"Murder him, murdder her, murder everyone!" aaand there is Amb standing int the door and Bals pose XD

Amb lil smile when he sees Bal. He probably thought that he killed Bal and seems glas that he's not

Also him just looking at Bals arm

Nimonas lil "Gesundheit" is way better in the english version ngl

Nemesis 😈

"Oh, look! It's Gloreth!" and the knights behind them actually look in the direction she pointed at

Amb acting like he was about to draw his sword and looking like they just caught him doing something forbidden like I don't even know

Bals almost defeated face at the beginning of the closet scene

Nimona just casually ripping that pipe out of the wall

Bals hamster cheeks when she grabs his face

that die-in-the-closet-dialogue felt very strange to me but I still don't completely understand how people can hate people who have a different orientation than them (sexual or not, I don't know how to say that exactly but I hope you kinda understand me?). There shouldn't be a problem about dying in a closet in real life and I really understand why people are so close-minded and this is still happening, I guess. Why does this "kids movie" motivate me to think about this kind of issue so much? But I guess it's a good thing, I'm probably/definitely not the only one who watched Nimona and really started to think about this (and the other themes of this movie)

also Nimona literally coming out of the closet (as a shape-shifter) is like really nice, I love little things like that in movies that you maybe not even register at first

I like to think that the axe opening the door is a little "Shining" reference

Nimona casually catching the arrow before her face

Bal being the competent idiot that he is grabbing the first thing his hand finds to use as a weapon without even looking

"Even if you see the horn?"

"I will not freak… Uhhh" with that face XD

I just looove her line "This is the part where you run.", how she looks at the knights and how they start to panic

Bals face while getting out of the closet is like: What the everloving hell did just happen/is just happening?

"Yeah" "Oh no! Stay away! Get back! No! This is not happening!" XD

Amb just being bamboozled and proving that he's at least a bit of a Nerd (who other then a Nerd or a Zoologist would call a Rhino by it's full name)

"Leave that guy alone!" "Take that" bonks him away with her horn lol, they are such a good duo

Stairs are either your best friend (Nimona seemingly) or your worst enemy (Kungfu Panda)

Bal just being completely like a fish out of water by what is happening during that chase is also kinda hilarious

Also him still having the brain to tell her she needs to go right in all of this mayhem is very competent of him, I stan him just a bit ngl

the whale

hey def needed a meeting table that round, they are a kingdom of knights

loving that Todd gets the tiny d*** joke, one of the best jokes in the movie and this movie has a lot of good ones

THE MUSIC <3

Now he wants the staircase, Bal really should make up his mind XD

I'm a bit sad that the original BlueSky-Scene where she changes into a dragon didn't make it in there but this is also fine, I guess

How did Bal survive that fall?

also loving how he just slides the last few metres face down lol

Nimona looking at Bal before she says her "Something, something, something, we win." was kinda cute

Explosions! "Metal" Also: stuff like this reminds me of a kind of old scetch from a comedian (I know the guy from some youtube vids of different poetry slams but he is a comedian now) I like pertaining bear catapults (I def will get myself some tickets if he ever does a show near me, the guy is hilarious)

Bal looking kinda chill (he prob has a concussion and isn't quite there, I guess) at the different things that fly towards them and then focusing on that little bit of debris that knocks him out (and the sound he makes when he gets hit) lol

Sooo, that was it for part 3. Short I know, but I think I will try to get these posts out and ngl my attention span is a bit short at the moment… with this kind of post thats more on the short site I believe I can stay on the topic and not procrastinate that much. Maybe there will also be some longer ones inbetween, we will see. Have a good one guys ^^

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 7 thoughts

my very first thoughts: a CANCER MAN episode??? are we gonna get some backstory?? some CSM lore?!?!? 

part of me is deeply curious, but part of me also wants agent time, so… hmm! i’m intrigued. my curiosity? it’s been piqued.

and the lone gunmen have been mentioned!!

author's note: woah... i was expecting a lot of things, but cancer man being a flop author was not one of them. it's kinda sad, but mostly just pathetic.

judgement aside, i actually really liked this episode. there are things i would change, but i thought it was super intriguing to see certain parts of what is hidden beyond the curtain, but never enough to fully satisfy you, which i do love about this show (even if it is occasionally infuriating). the multi-part structure was also an interesting and unique choice that worked well, but i do have some... questions on writing/character motives and if they were well-received. but you'll see what i mean in a bit.

a lot happened in this episode, which i shall begin to recount below!

OH! we open with a shakespeare quote!!! “for nothing can seem foul to those that win” oooookay i suppose that is relevant to our ciggy man. damn. couldn’t be me. a lot of things are foul to me. such as killing melissa. 

we see a rat! a rat! cute little critter. oh. cancer man arrives, and is less cute. he's looking at some broken windows… damn, why is s4 so dark? i keep having to turn my brightness up. it's annoying!!

his lighter says “trust no one” omg… he’s so weird. just an overall strange fellow. seriously, who gets a custom lighter that says that? way to draw attention to yourself while trying to Not Do That.

so he’s opening a suitcase…. WHAT!! he is somehow listening to a bunch of conversations, including the “not everything is a dark labyrinth of conspiracy” one, which means he must have had bugs in all of the rooms where mulder and scully chat!!! who has time to sort through all of that audio content to find the juicy stuff?? probably his freak interns that i KNOW he keeps scattering about

okay, so he’s listening to a conversation now between the lone gunmen and mulder. frohike is freaked tf out, but mulder says no one would kill him because “you’re just a little puppy dog”. aww. that's a cute thing to say.

GAG!! the lone gunmen put on a special audio filter to hide their conversation, and CSM just pressed a button to totally ignore it, and turns to the camera with a smirk. EW! EW! creepy man. ugh, i can’t believe i paused and had to look at that awful creepy smirk for more than a few milliseconds.

oh my goodness, scully is also here during this conversation between the lone gunmen and mulder that we are listening to via CSM's technologically aided eavesdropping. frohike is saying he found stuff about cancer man, while cancer man loads what looks like a SNIPER RIFLE, and aims it out the window??? “what did you find?” “possibly everything”

GASP! i’m hooked. i DO want to know possibly everything. 

(watching the intro and that scene where they burst in with the gun always gets me, but today it’s making me ache in my chest because of how beautiful they are. so feel free to psychoanalyze that)

frohike is describing trotsky’s assassination. this is an area of history i am weak in, so i am seated for my lesson. it is actually entirely unrelated to the plot at hand, and is just some frohike nerd lore, but that's cool, i like a dude who knows these things.

frohike says “he” (presumably CSM) appears on august 20th, 1940, in louisiana. and his father was a communist activist, executed for espionage before his son would walk!!! and his mother died of lung cancer before he could talk!

damn. tragic backstory for this fellow. he pretty much said "i know cigarettes killed my mom but i'm different"

he was sent to various orphanages where he spent his time reading and not making friends. then he went off the grid until a year and a half after the Bay Of Pigs. weird way of measuring time- before and after the Bay of Pigs

OH! we get more text… “part 1: things really did go well in Dealey Plaza” hmmm....

some army men are jogging, while another dude reads the manchurian candidate, saying he would rather read the worst novel ever written than the best movie ever made. he must not know about the novels that are out there… i assume this is cig man?

OH MY GOD! he’s talking to MR. MULDER! wait, wait that means….

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! his first word was JFK

that is... actually really adorable. and will make his toddler stage difficult as he has to break certain news to baby mulder.

why do i get the feeling, from the shaky way CSM just set the photo of mr. mulder’s wife and child down, that he is fighting suppressed romantic feelings for his buddy like the cold war depends on it? hmm....

these fancy looking men want to talk to the guy i assume is cancer man. they ask if he was involved in any of the big events from the early 1960’s, which he denies. you know, assassinations and whatnot.

oh! when they ask if his father was executed as a spy, he says his only regret is that “i was too young to throw the switch myself” which is kind of a crazy thing to say. "yes i never knew my dad but i wish it was me that killed him" is a wild hill to die on. but i guess this is what the 60's did to people.

OH! he also denies a cigarette when offered, saying he never touches them. well. some things went down between then and now, i assume. and hopefully, we shall gain a glimpse into what changed.

this general dude is yapping about extraordinary men and i assume he is referring to himself. and his father. and young CSM, too, can be an extraordinary man! 

“communism is without a doubt the most heinous personification of evil mankind has ever confronted” <- said by a guy who likely fought the nazis, this is an absolutely crazy line... but again, i guess that shows how deep everyone was into the propaganda

they are offering baby CSM a very important job… so important, his army service will be erased… he needs to assassinate an american civilian, former naval pt-boat commander…

OH MY GOD, DID HE KILL JFK???

this is wild. how many different characters across various medias have been responsible for killing JFK? does anyone have a spreadsheet? if not, DM me and let’s make one 

so what is the reason in universe for why JFK had to kick the bucket….

because of the bay of pigs failure??

i get it was bad, but i didn’t think it was THAT bad. that makes no sense though timeline wise… they said bay of pigs was “last week”, but that was 1961, and obviously he didn’t get shot until 1963. so are we expected to believe that they waited 2 years to kill him? 2 years in which a lot of stuff happened? or is this some sort of factual oversight i’m supposed to ignore. or am i misunderstanding the episode structure. did i mishear/read a line?

(digs my claws in) you guys i cannot ignore a JFK anachronism i’m sorry

and now we're off to texas to witness the inevitable. this dude playing lee harvey oswald is lowkey cute, a thing i never thought i would have typed more than a few minutes ago. CSM yells at him about how smoking is BAD!

baby cancer man is talking to lee harvey oswald (another wild sentence), telling him he’ll see the president today. he calls baby cig man “mr. hunt” which i assume is a fake name… and he lies and says he loves the movies!! how simply do the falsehoods slip from his tongue!

ooooookay i see what is going on here. “mr. hunt” is a member of a cuban loyalty group telling lee harvey oswald to hide some weapons. a fall guy is being carefully crafted.

and lee gives him his cigarettes… the same cigarettes baby cig man scolded him for smoking…. omg…. foreshadowing

you know, in all my years studying history, i have never imagined what the inside of the book depository building looked like. and OMG! in googling to try and see if this was an accurate representation, i learned that dealey plaza is where he was shot! so i guess i’m good with JFK lore, but bad at geography. but that answers what the whole opening quote was about.

baby cig man is getting in a sewer to do some crime… very eugene tooms of him. he's getting his gun out in the sewer for a sneak attack…. while lee gets a root beer… and it seems umbrella man was giving a signal on when to shoot! fascinating.

(jackie’s outfit that day looked less fuzzy irl than it appears in this episode, so please take note of that wardrobe people)

nah, this is gonna make me feel bad for a FAKE lee harvey oswald…

and while JFK was dying, baby cig man stayed in that sewer the whole time… wow. i feel like someone should have taken a peek.

soooo realizing he is a patsy, lee shoots a cop. which is actually just far more incriminating than had he done anything else. then he goes to the movies. where the cops find him. and baby cig man was watching all of this…. he pulls out a cigarette and starts smoking. OMG was that his first?? to cope with the Guilt?? damn.

it’s a bit of a ludicrous story that makes me giggle when i consider the real-world implications, but i will take it for what it is.

but back to modern cig man, listening to all of this being explained. he says nothing, seeming to confirm the accuracy of what is being said.

“part 2: just down the road from graceland”

no, don’t tell me he killed ELVIS, too?!?!?

wait, i read that wrong. “just down the road aways from graceland” okay, not sure if that clears anything up. but we hear the voice of martin luther king jr.

no… don’t tell me he killed HIM, too…..

notably, this whole part is in black and white. cigarette man is tap tapping on his typewriter. he’s writing a book! “take a chance: a jack colquitt adventure” <- sounds boring 

he’s listening to MLK talk about Marxist revolutions… is baby cig man a closet commie? no, for it appears he is deeply upset by these words!

he’s still in black and white, at a meeting about MLK, talking about how some claim he wishes to wage war against white america. baby cig man says “wouldn’t you?”, and i begin to wonder if he is based, but these hopes are quickly dampened as he explains that MLK's existence and activism are no longer civil rights issues… because he said something about communism. bro. what. is this how people actually felt…?

(you read about the paranoia and the terror of the red scare, but seeing an attempt at putting it in context still makes you think damn, times were weird)

this council is now talking about how they can best discredit MLK, and we see a guy who is blamed for the “there is but one way out for you” letter, which baby cig man says is stupid. oh, he blamed the director of the FBI for that. damn!

cigarette man says we need another patsy, and to make it a white man, so “it” (referring to king’s assassination) looks racially motivated. and oh! he says he’ll do it himself.

“i have too much respect for the man” <- so you’re gonna be the one that kills him? bro… what. we don't usually kill the people we look up to where i come from.

so. cig man lights up as he stands outside a building where MLK speaks. 

AND HE PULLS OUT THE PHOTO OF BABY MULDER AND HIS MOM???? WHAT THE FUCK

(is this like a “he’s grieving because his work demands that he never has a family” kind of thing or a “he’s longing for the embrace of mr. mulder” kinda thing….? does he love mrs. mulder….? what is this….)

cancer man gives the dude he’s framing a couple hundred dollars. and then gets in the bushes behind where dr. king is staying. i'm still processing the photo reveal.

and bam.

wow, i feel that this is… weird. idk, the whole “this character killed JFK” thing has been going on for so long that it doesn’t really feel that shocking, but dr. king’s death is a tragedy in a different way, and i’m not sure that using it in fiction is like, super appropriate? um.

while i am unsure if i feel that using a civil rights leader's assassination in your alien story is something we should brush past, i do understand what the writers are attempting to do here, which is show how dedicated to the anti-communist cause cig man is, and how he'll stop at nothing to do what he deems needed, no matter how ugly or horrific. i recognize what they are trying to tell me.

LMAOOOO WAIT. place my moral pondering aside for a brief second. if you pause, you can read the rejection letter baby cig man gets for his book. “my advice? burn it!” <- DAMN that book must have been god awful 😭

oh god. now the TV is mentioning RFK… don’t tell me cig man did that, too…

(author's note: thankfully, he was not involved with the killing of this kennedy brother; no clear statement on whether or not he was responsible for ted's whole thing)

AND WHY was cig man putting that photo of mrs. and baby mulder in his drawer…?!?!

cig man seems to be almost crying while quoting aeschylus along with RFK on the tv, as he speaks about the grief of losing both his brother and MLK…. damn. am i supposed to feel bad for CSM? because i don’t. 

back to modern cancer man. we now enter “part 3, the most wonderful time of the year”.

jump to 1991. he has saddam hussein on the phone?? and tells him to call back. and some other dude is working on the oscar noms LMAO wait... i lowkey love the idea that the government controls those... need to think what that would imply for every single winner ever

AND he rigs the superbowl so the bills don’t win LMAO what is his beef with buffalo?! AND he rigged the olympic hockey game in ‘80?

we’re getting the impression he kinda controls everything. message received loud and clear.

OH! now they’re talking about mulder… “that ‘spooky’ kid”, is how they refer to him. and CSM says that mulder is his to keep an eye on. i'm sure that's part of his decades long plot, to keep mulder under his watchful eye and use him as a pawn in his schemes. also, gorbachev has just resigned. no more enemies to fight.

and CSM gives his men some presents for christmas. how thoughtful…..? 

his men invite him to come with them to virginia for a family get together. damn, they like this guy? it seems they honestly do!

he got them all ties…. very strange fellow he is.

okay, so he lied and said he had to go see family to escape the gathering. and then ominously walks outside mulder’s office door. dun dun DUN!

he has some mail… and opens it to see something that displeases him. THEN HE STARTS WRITING AGAIN!! it seems like auto fiction, when you write about yourself but pretend it’s happening to a character. damn. crazy coping mechanism. good to know that he is kinda a loser all around. 

so, some days he longs for a second chance. okay, yeah, we all do cancer man, and most of us didn’t kill JFK.

the phone rings. it’s DEEP THROAT! my old friend!! were they tight?!

it seems that on christmas eve of 1991 was when a weird alien spaceship arrived to earth. and the occupant is in “critical condition”. also, deep throat mentions the UFO he had claimed to see before in vietnam, so we know he wasn’t lying entirely about that.

they have this fleshy pink alien hooked up to life support, which has me wondering how alien life support works, and also how many types of aliens we are dealing with in this universe. but i’ve mentioned that before. still! worth mentioning again!

lore reveal that is unsettling... DEEP THROAT’S NAME IS RONALD???? 

idk, i was expecting something like abernathy or shackleton or cromswell!

deep throat gives cigarette man the gun to handle the alien situation- but CSM protests, saying that a “living EBE” could advance bill mulder’s project by decades!!! MR. MULDER MENTIONED?!? he'd be willing to break protocol to help his buddy out?!?

but no, deep throat recites the rules from the security council resolution, which makes him remember what they came here to do.

can you just… shoot an alien??? to kill it? well. you can shoot some of them to kill them, but not the kind that need the special neck stabbing device. okay, keeping track of all this, just seems like maybe all aliens would need something a bit cooler to vanquish them.

they’re fighting over killing an alien…. cig man doesn’t want to do it, so he tosses a coin. so he makes deep throat do it?!?! deep throat says that this is their new enemy. honestly, the sad little alien does not look like he can hurt you, but okay.

(i mean, do they really need the gun? he’s an alien on life support, just pull the plug)

oh…. cig man rips the bandage off his neck as deep throat climbs into some gear to… gas the alien? now what is the significance of this bandage that has been on his neck but ONLY for part three of the story?

that alien is creepy. deep throat really does shoot the damn thing. and cig man lights up while this goes down. is every cigarette one dude he killed….? damn. that’s like 5 packs a day….

“part 4: the x-files”

OOOO, info on scully being brought in!!!

OMG!!! we see parts of her thesis.

did we know she went to the university of maryland? well, i didnt, so that counts as a…

! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she graduated from the university of maryland in 1986!

(looking back, i realize this was all flashback stuff from the pilot. but i didn't KNOW at the time that this show would do such things to me, so i wasn't taking detailed notes! wow! how much has changed)

but it’s cancer man reading her thesis. stay away from her!

okay, now we’re back to one of the earliest times we ever saw scully, in her pilot episode fit. and was cig man actually there in the pilot? i think he was, right?

aww, we get to relive the “FBI’s most unwanted” moment through cancer man’s listening. it’s creepy, but still a heartwarming time.

back to the modern day- frohike is talking about how cancer man is “the most dangerous man alive”, because he believes these actions are all that life allows him, and he can never escape himself. damn. that’s deep.

and then back to the 1991 christmas eve scene… an editor loved CSM's book! he used the pen name “raul bloodworth”… have we heard that before? well, i’ll keep an eye out on various shelves. so he calls the number they gave him… he is desperate for validation… and he’s going on about how he wants the cover to look. there’s a cutting comment about “working with young authors”, and the publisher says he’ll have to “relinquish some control”. and cancer man is SO excited.

oh my gosh… wait, why am i lowkey emotional now? but that emotion is very specifically second hand embarrassment.

so he’s typing his RESIGNATION LETTER?? for the day the story gets published. for some reason he thinks that getting one story published = a life of steady income. HAH! if only.

he even takes a wistful look at his cigarettes and crushes them in his hand!!! wow, a time to begin again.

lmao i see a reference to darin morgan in the background magazines… do not think you are slick, props team!

CSM’s going to go pick up his story from a newspaper… and his story was published in a porno… and they changed his ending… 

this is NOT a good thing omg

and the newspaper salesman says that the magazine is garbage…

we just watched his dreams die in real time. and with the magazine, he buys another pack of cigarettes. damn. no chance for a new life, i guess. 

CSM’s now monologing about how life is like a box of chocolates (disappointing), and this is an interesting juxtaposition, because he is next to a man who is digging through garbage while he says all this, so clearly his material status could be a lot worse but it’s probably a mental prison, being rich and important and also sad.

Frohike clarifies that this CSM theory is based on a story he read, but he’s going to check with some hackers. as frohike walks out the door, cancer man mumbles that he can kill him whenever he pleases, but chooses not to do so today. 

woah… very different, but i actually really liked this episode!

i liked getting a peek into the mystical lore surrounding CSM, but also it wasn’t THAT much of a peek, you know? we know a few of the things he did, and that he did them in the name of fighting communism. i guess when he thought that communism was “defeated” they switched to aliens, but also aliens had to be there the whole time, because they did make the agreement about it after ww2. so he’s been up to a lot of stuff.

do i feel a little bad that he can’t get his writing published? yeah, but like i said in a “it’s cringey” kinda way, which i think was the intention. it’s funny that he has amassed all this power but is still a flop. 

like i said, i feel weird about the whole MLK thing. i think the coloring going black and white was to illustrate CSM's black and white thinking, about how you are either right or wrong, and to be wrong requires punishment, no matter what anyone else says on the matter. that was interesting.

hmm, i'm pondering. what will happen next to our smoky- well, i was going to say "our smoky friend", but we are not friends at all, are we? where will our tobacco-filled creep lead us?

i liked this one! it was really different from the traditional episode structure, so it felt special and nice. i liked getting an idea of his line of work and how he got involved with it and why, even if the killing post-Bay of Pigs thing was weird, but i GUESS it did bring the soviets and cuba closer together, so i GUESS if you thought anything that advanced communism had to be avenged, you would think that is a logical conclusion.

hmm, i can't afford to try and figure out who actually did it IRL! too much on my plate. it's an interesting theory... i shall have to give it a long contemplation.