#and instead ill focus on getting diagnosed and help from a real doctor

[king-crane]

ASSORTED HEADCANON DUMP.

Some of these are based off convos with @celestieu , @arkhamcalamity , @batcaller , @sanguine-salvation and many other folks SO I wanted to put these together!

Crane does not like to acknowledge the existence of magic, or the supernatural. A part of him is aware that there is truth behind magic and paranormal creatures, but he deeply represses all of his own knowledge of these matters and rationalizes it. Constantine is an incredibly powerful scientist who has opened wormholes to other planets and dimensions. The Grey is an alien lifeform that has formed a symbiotic scientific relationship with Slaughter Swamp and Grundy is a product of this symbiosis. Zatanna is an illusionist. So on and so forth.

Crane doesn’t repress or deny the existence of magic and supernatural entities out of any sort of active malice, or even any active thought, but because acknowledging the existence of things he cannot explain would only give credence to his hallucinations and further break his grip on reality. His mind will conjure up unspeakable, unimaginable horrors even on the best of days, and he doesn’t want to deal with the possibility that these hallucinations are real, or could be real.

Crane gets along with Zsasz very well, much to his own surprise. He admires their dedication and determination and singleminded focus. He admires their prose and almost artistic way of speaking and acting. And he shares 95% of Zsasz’s own philosophy about life, in regards to the people surrounding them.

Speaking of his philosophy, Crane sees mankind as an untapped source of power and wishes to see his fellow man evolve. Mastery over fear was the initial goal, but now he believes fear is only one part of the plan. A massive part, mind you, but its the first step. Humans must reach the height of their potential in order to take their rightful place in the world. Every soul that fails his Fear Trials is a soul that will not kneel before the stars, a soul that is damned, and a soul that he must send to oblivion. Crane does not enjoy killing - but Scarecrow will do it.

Crane does not answer to the name ‘Jonathan’ or any variant. His name is Crane, or Professor Crane. Likewise, the Scarecrow will not tolerate being called anything other than Scarecrow, The Lord of Terror, The Master of Fear etc. as names have no true meaning to him — and, again, he is not Jonathan. Even Brother Bones, the most jovial of the personalities does not react well to being called Jonathan. In spite of his trauma and obvious mental illness, no doctor at Arkham has ever properly diagnosed him, with Kellerman in particular believing it to be “an act”.

When he is in his cell, Crane’s restraints are very extreme. He is kept in Maximum Security, after all, alongside the likes of The Joker. His hands are cuffed together, and his arms are locked in a certain position. He is kept in a weighted harness over his chest and shoulders that keeps him nearly always hunched, and connects to the restraints on his arms. He is allowed a respirator, but no burlap sack or any facial covering of any kind. Multiple times during the day, Crane is hauled away to be checked by guards for changes in his demeanor or the way he walks, or the way his eyes look.

Crane genuinely respects and adores James Gordon. When he first came to Gotham as a youth on the run and homeless, Gordon was the only officer to try and help Crane, instead of just ignoring his plight. Crane still wishes to this day that he had been adopted by Gordon, and not by Salvatore di Vaio. He always feels remorse whenever he is forced to see Gordon, and oftentimes he is unable to look him in the eye.

Crane spends quite a bit of time in Gotham’s sewers. His warehouse, Bram’s Fish Packing, is only a hop and a skip from the waste treatment plant, and there are many sewer grates he uses to get into the sewers and maneuver through the city. Of course, this is a recent behavior, acquired after spending time with Croc (and sometimes Otis). He does his best not to step on any rats, and to watch where he goes. He will oftentimes conduct research on the water in Gotham’s sewers to make sure it hasn’t been poisoned.

[anarcha-androgyny]

for me, what ive learned from antipsychiatry is less "mental illness isn't real" and more "mental health diagnoses are made up & far more imprecise than physical health, and while they can be helpful, we also don't need to act like they are facts of nature & define our minds around these criteria." similarly wrt medication theres a lot of criticism around forced/pressured medication, but ive also seen people talk about wanting to make it easier for people to get the meds that help them without having to beg a doctor to listen to them– generally ime the idea isn't that medication is universally bad, but that people need more control over their meds and be given an active role in what meds they are on (and also that people should be allowed to not be on meds and Have Symptoms without being demonized for not trying as hard as possible to pass as sane/mentally healthy). personally ive found the idea that mental health diagnoses being made up helpful bc i feel less need to categorize myself+my brain, and i just focus on what i need, using labels to find resources + others w similar brainweirdness. like i don't see it as "i have ocd/my brain is ocd" i see it as "ocd is a label that more or less communicates how my brain works"

ofc there are ppl who have very unnuanced takes on this stuff so im not saying Real Antipsychiatry Is Perfect™. but ime a lot of it is nuanced and based around trying to help insane/mentally ill people understand+navigate our minds without relying on the ableist controlling psychiatric system that often focuses more on making us (appear) Sane and Useful instead of focusing on helping us get what we want + need from our lives. a lot of antipsychiatric stuff ive read has said that you can be antipsych + go to therapy, take prescription meds, etc. because ur first priority should be yourself– but u should also have the tools to question that system & have other resources if it fails u.

okay i’m trying to learn about antipsychiatry because i saw a post mention it but i’m just getting a lot of “mental illness is not real” vibes from all the central dogmas which seems explicitly and expressly harmful. i understand being against institutionalization etc but this seems…bad? does anyone who understands better care to explain

[transmasc-malleus]

Not my uncle self-righteously sending me 3 paragraphs on how going vegan will cure my chronic pain and hormone imbalance

[manie-sans-delire-x]

My thoughts/analysis of We Need to talk about Kevin

From abnormal psych class paper:

The character I chose to analyze and diagnose is Kevin Khatchadourian from the 2011 film, We Need to Talk about Kevin. Brilliantly depicted by star Ezra Miller and various other child actors, Kevin is an angry, emotionally detached boy who struggles in his complex relationship with his mother. We see the unhealthy relationship develop between the two through-out the film as Kevin grows from a baby to a young man, ending in tragedy as Kevin achieves his ultimate revenge against his mother by massacring the rest of their family as well as several classmates in a school shooting.  

After carefully noting Kevin’s behavior and the way he and his mother Eva interact when he is a young child, I have decided to diagnose Kevin with reactive attachment disorder (RAD). The diagnostic criteria from the current Diagnostic and Statistical manual (DSM-5) for RAD reads as follows: 

A. A consistent pattern of inhibited, emotionally withdrawn behavior toward adult caregivers, manifested by both of the following: 

1. The child rarely or minimally seeks comfort when distressed. 

2. The child rarely or minimally responds to comfort when distressed. 

B. A persistent social or emotional disturbance characterized by at least two of the following: 

Minimal social and emotional responsiveness to others 

Limited positive affect 

Episodes of unexplained irritability, sadness, or fearfulness that are evident even during nonthreatening interactions with adult caregivers. 

C. The child has experienced a pattern of extremes of insufficient care as evidenced by at least one of the following: 

Social neglect or deprivation in the form of persistent lack of having basic emotional needs for comfort, stimulation, and affection met by caring adults 

Repeated changes of primary caregivers that limit opportunities to form stable attachments (e.g., frequent changes in foster care) 

Rearing in unusual settings that severely limit opportunities to form selective attachments (e.g., institutions with high child to caregiver ratios) 

D. The care in Criterion C is presumed to be responsible for the disturbed behavior in Criterion A (e.g., the disturbances in Criterion A began following the lack of adequate care in Criterion C). 

E. The criteria are not met for autism spectrum disorder. 

F. The disturbance is evident before age 5 years. 

G. The child has a developmental age of at least nine months. 

Specify if Persistent: The disorder has been present for more than 12 months. 

Specify current severity: Reactive Attachment Disorder is specified as severe when a child exhibits all symptoms of the disorder, with each symptom manifesting at relatively high levels. 

Kevin displays behavior that meets both criteria A and B. As a baby he cried constantly, reportedly even when held, showing an inability or unwillingness to be soothed. As a toddler he shows defiance, disinterest in social interaction, and a refusal to engage in play, such as when his mother is attempting to play with a ball with him and he refuses to roll the ball back or respond in any way, instead staring at her with a sullen expression. Kevin also refuses his mother’s pleas to say the word “Mommy”. As a slightly older child, Kevin continues to act defiantly and shows anger, ripping up the paper when his mother attempts to school him, immediately soiling his newly changed diapers on purpose, throwing food against the wall and onto tables, breaking his crayons, making nonsensical noises to irritate his mother, and destroying his mother’s artfully decorated room. When he is taken to the doctor to be examined, he shows no expression, does not speak, and stiffens his body. When his baby sister is born, he purposefully sprinkles water onto the newborn, causing her to cry. It should be noted however that in one instance Kevin seems to relax his cold exterior and accept comfort from his mother, shown by the scene in which he falls ill and cuddles with his mother while she reads him a story. He even apologizes for her having to clean up his throw-up. Unfortunately, as soon as he is feeling well again he is back to being rude and rejecting any attempt of hers to take care of him, refusing her help to change his clothes.  

As for criteria C, although Kevin has not experienced extreme abuse or neglect, I believe Kevin suffered from a traumatic birth as it was mentioned that his mother was resisting. His mother Eva did not desire a child, especially not one as difficult as Kevin, so she emotionally neglects him and is cold to him. Eva makes it very clear to him that he is unwanted, telling him straight to his face that she was happy before she gave birth to him and not correcting him when Kevin mentions that Eva does not like him. In one instance, she is accidentally too rough with him and breaks his arm, which Kevin later refers to as being the most honest thing she ever did. Kevin also meets the criteria of D through G, and his symptoms are persistent. I would say Kevin has moderate to severe symptoms as he does exhibit all listed symptoms quite regularly.  

I believe Kevin’s psychological problems may also have developed into conduct disorder (CD) as an adolescent and then antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) or psychopathy in adulthood, especially after taking into consideration the mutilation of his sister’s eye and the killing of his sister’s guinea pig, his father, his sister, and several classmates. He shows no guilt or empathy, appears to have shallow emotions besides anger, and shows no evidence of having affection or emotional bonds to anyone. He is also very manipulative; putting on a fake act of normalcy for his father, turning his parents against each other, and navigating the legal system to get his best outcome. However, I know that children with RAD can also be violent and if not treated, behave in a way very similar to conduct disorder in adolescence and ASPD or psychopathy in adulthood. The main reason I chose to focus on RAD over CD or ASPD is because I believe the root of Kevin’s problem is immense pain at being rejected and unloved as a child and that he harbors a deep desire to have that connection but is unable to accept affection.  He is so focused on and consumed by his anger towards his mother, while someone with true psychopathy may be more detached and indifferent. I also leaned more towards RAD given that he showed symptoms from such a young age and did not seem to have any problems outside of his issues with his mother, such as acting out in school or engaging in petty, impulsive crime. I do wish that the film showed more of his interaction with his peers. Lastly, I felt RAD was a more accurate choice because of the subtle signs of it that are associated more with RAD than CD, such as stiffening his body when others try to hug him, making nonsensical sounds, and not making eye contact as an infant, although that may not have been intentionally put in the film. Either way, his parents certainly needed to talk to professionals about Kevin when he was a child. Had they done so, perhaps they could have prevented the tragedy of both his life and the pain he inflicted on others.  

Response to tumblr ask:

I agree! I would have loved to see how he interacts at school, what he does when he’s alone and has spare time, and more of his childhood.

I think he had multiple reasons:

1- To make his mother suffer since he obviously has a lot of anger and resentment towards her

2- Because he doesn’t feel much positive emotion and gave up on ever feeling pleasure or enjoyment from regular life. Normal life is incredibly boring for him. He wanted to DO something- real, meaningful, make something happen. He wanted to Live. I very much relate.

3- He enjoys the attention he gets from it.

We talked about this in my forensic psych club- whether we should give interviews and all this attention to violent criminals. Our society is fascinated by them to the point where we make movies and books. People sell and collect memorabilia. They have fan-girls writing love letters and showing up to their court sessions, even fighting each other over them. It’s pretty crazy. But on the other hand, it’s important that we study them. Or is it? There’s a debate about everything.

4- His philosophy and world view. 

He is very nihilistic, he doesn’t believe life “means” anything and right/wrong doesn’t exist/is just a matter of opinion or viewpoint. His actions don’t really matter either, nothing does. I used to think exactly like he did when I was a teen, and I still do in a way.

As for your last question, it’s easy to forget one way of thinking when you’re in another. It’s hard to remember how one state was when you’re in a different one. Also, as shitty as outside life can be, life in prison is even shittier. Makes you appreciate the ability of choice and being able to do things, even just to walk around outside or buy an icecream cone. He was also only 15 at the time of the crime, and in the last scene he’s 18. A lot of chemical changes and neural development happens in that time. He matured- his way of thinking about himself, the world, and the others around him changed.

[kirksfattitties]

asks you can smell the privilege and internalized ableism radiate from

(tw for ableism and other bigoted implications)

i’m bad at reading tone but even i understand that this is 100% you being condescending and trying to cover it up with smiley faces and false sincerity. and i don’t appreciate that.

before i get into deconstructing your shitty ableist argument, i want to explain the reasons i believe in self diagnosis (self-dx):

even professional diagnosis doesn’t start with a doctor diagnosing you. there has to be a reason for seeing the doctor. some people see a doctor in their adult life because they’re struggling, some people are taken by their parents, some people are referred or suggested that they see a specialist. whatever it is, you don’t just see a doctor and they magically give you a neurodivergency. people have neurodivergencies before they see doctors and even if they NEVER see a doctor.

the psychiatry system is flawed in MANY ways and to say that it isn’t means you’re denying the experiences of people with less privledge than yourself. also like psychiatry isn’t gonna suck your dick. you don’t have to be a bootlicker lol

in many places (hi hello i’m from america where our government tries to indirectly kill us by not providing us with adequate healthcare! i and many other people have many issues we can’t get fixed because simply our government cares more about the economy than us), seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist or going to a mental hospital or WHATEVER is INCREDIBLY expensive. and to assume that everyone has access and enough time/money/energy/transportation/whatever to do all of that is classist and elitist.

ANYTHING medical (including mental health) is biased towards white cis men. most studies are done on white cis men/boys. because of this, people who aren’t white cis men (or people who aren’t perceived as white cis men) are often not diagnosed. the system is racist. the system is sexist. the system is transphobic. people don’t know how to diagnose autism or adhd or personality disorders or other neurodivergencies or even mental illnesses in black people and other people of color, in women, in trans people, etc. and GOD FORBID someone be in multiple (or all) of those categories. saying “just go get diagnosed :)” is a privileged statement to make.

shocker! the psychiatry system is also ableist. if you’re already diasabled (whether it be mental or physical) and you see a doctor about ANOTHER disability? the doctor is most likely going to shoot you down. or at least be weary about someone having mutliple disabilities.

also most people who diagnose are neurotypical. they have never and will probably never experience neurodivergency so they can never fully understand it. they operate off of stereotypes of neurodivergent people and usually only stereotypical behavior of neurodivergent white cis men (which, as i mentioned before, is problematic for anyone who isn’t a white cis man). neurotypical diagnosers don’t know the neurodivergent culture and aren’t trained to recognize very common things (like masking for example).

a professional diagnosis can also be weaponized. not everyone can get a professional diagnosis because there are some neurodivergencies (such as autism and personality disorders) and mental illnesses (like depression) that can have legal and medical respercussions to have in your record. trans people can be denied medical and legal transition for being professionally diagnosed. people can lose custody battles for being professionally diagnosed. a professional diagnosis can be used as justification for taking away someone’s body autonomy (especially if that person is also physically disabled).

a LOT of neurodivergencies also have some type of symptom (or symptoms) that make it difficult to interact with people. troubles recognizing facial expressions, troubles understanding certain phrases and types of speech, paranoid about people, audio processing issues, being nonverbal in an environment that doesn’t accommodate for it, overstimulation, extreme social anxiety, discomfort in new situations, problems with eye contact, and a lot more. because like. for many nd people, interacting with people is very difficult and stressful. and hey. if you want to get a professional diagnosis? take a WILD guess what you have to do? FUCKING INTERACT with people! LIKE?? JEHDJJDKEKKDKDKDS. do you know how many professionally diagnosed nd people i know who made their appointment COMPLETELY on their own without help from a parent or family member or friend? LITERALLY ZERO! and i know A FEW nd people who have professional diagnoses! so if someone has social issues that prevent them from doing tasks like calling and making an appointment, showing up for an appointment, talking during the appointment, etc and ALSO doesn’t have familial or friend support (because newsflash! people who are friends/family of disabled people can still be ableist)? almost impossible to get a diagnosis! plus, the diagnosis process is TIME CONSUMING. not everyone can focus on a task for that long and not everyone can miss work/school for that long.

so those are the reasons i support self-dx. (although there’s probably more that i’m forgetting but i have adhd and it’s hard for me to remember things!)

so hopefully you now understand my reasons for believing in self-dx, and perhaps even you’re pro-self-dx now because before you were just uneducated on these issues and how they impact people who aren’t you.

but in case you’re still anti-self-dx and probably hate already-marginalized neurodivergent people, let’s talk about this horrendous ask (series of asks, actually) that i got sent. i feel like i can feel the self hatred and internalized ableism OOZING from this ask and into my inbox, so thanks for that i guess /s

“Sometimes people who self diagnose can take away from those who are actually nd, even sometimes from themselves.”

starting out strong with the ableism on this one by separating people into “self diagnosed” and “actually nd” people. self diagnosed people ARE actually nd

there’s not a limited number of nd resources. this isn’t a math equation of only x amount of people can be nd because there’s only y amount of resources. more people realizing they’re nd will actually MAKE more resources for nd people and will bring more awareness to being nd

even IF someone self diagnosed, and they go back on it later, what harm was done? they learned some coping mechanisms? they made some nd friends? neither of those are problematic and i think they’re both actually very helpful. i think nt people SHOULD learn more about nd people and stuff because i think that will lead to WAYYY less misunderstandings and WAYYYY less ableism

“There are many people who fake nds for attention,”

hey anon, what fucking world do you live in that nd’s are cool enough to fake having? because i would LOVE to live there. like, i literally had a post about my personality disorder (which i will not be specifying) i had to delete because people were sending my anons about how i was “scary” and “threatening” now that they knew i had the personality disorder i have. last year i left a discord server because the ableism i was recieving from not only the members of the server, but the mods as well. there are very few people i know irl who i tell about my personality disorder, but when i tell people about my adhd, they start treating me different. they infantalize me and make fun of me and use “jokes” about stereotypical adhd behaviors to alienate me and they even TELL OTHER PEOPLE without my permission. i was SEVERELY bullied throughout elementary and middle school for being nd. i have been refused job and educational opportunities as well as literal medical attention for being nd. people aren’t “faking” being nd, and if they were they probably wouldn’t be doing it for long because it’s not something that’s EASY to deal with.

kinda ironic that you’re saying people can’t diagnose themselves but that YOU can tell when someone is faking their diagnosis. that’s both hypocritical and a double standard.

masking exists. if you think someone isn’t “acting nd enough” they’re probably masking because they’ve been fucking bullied and harrassed. also you’re probably basing whatever you think nd is on stereotypes. not every nd person is sheldon cooper lol.

this is a side note but can we talk about how you’re literally just taking transmed rhetoric and molding it to fit nd people? like. you really come onto MY NONBINARY NEURODIVERGENT blog and expect me to validate your recycled “but what about the REAL [insert group] people?” ??? like grow up, elitist. you’re not better than anyone else just because you lick some boots 🥾 👅

“and claiming that self diagnosis (and this is just what I interpreted) is just as valid as professional diagnosis”

it is 😌

the only difference between self diagnosis and professional diagnosis is that a professional diagnosis can also get you medicine. not every neurodivergency needs meds and not every neurodivergency can be treated (at this time or even ever). for example, my pd (self diagnosed) doesn’t have a specific treatment but multiple symptoms of the pd (all professionally diagnosed) have specific treatments and medicines that work, so patients are given/diagnosed with/prescribed those instead. also, medicine doesn’t work for everyone! and sometimes people are allergic to or take medicines that will conflict with any new medicine.

“can really devalue the account of someone who actually has a disorder”

here we go again with that “self diagnosed” vs “actually nd” bullshit. literally just say you hate poor people n minorities and leave lol

someone having a different experience than you isn’t devaluing you, but if you’re the one who always has the spotlight maybe you should use your privledge uplift other marginalized people instead of feeling angry when everything isn’t all about you 100% of the time

“I have a second ask”

i don’t want it

“Plus it can be damaging for a person if they self diagnose wrong.”

how? what if they learn information that they wouldn’t’ve otherwise known like coping mechanisms that help them with their own neurodivergencies? that’s definitely not a bad thing

i think it’s funny that you bring up that people can self diagnose wrong and don’t even MENTION that doctors can diagnose wrong. like. you know. the people who GIVE OUT MEDICINE to people. i think it’s MUCH more dangerous when a PROFESSIONAL diagnosis is wrong. what are self-dx people with wrong diagnoses gonna do? read up on nd tips? maybe smoke some weed? drink some coffee? that’s about all they can do with a self-dx. but if a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL gives you an INCORRECT diagnosis, they can ACTUALLY fuck you up.

“I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, a disorder which I would have never considered I’d have.”

that’s great about your professional diagnosis! i don’t know you but i’m glad you’re finding out about yourself and getting the help you want and/or need /srs

sorry if this sounds blunt, but honestly i’m not surprised you never considered you could have PTSD. based on your asks, you sound like you have a lot of internalized ableism you need to work through and a lot more research about neurodiversity you need to do. being anti-self diagnosis is a common belief among a lot of people with internalized ableism and a lot of these same people are the ones who have no issue with and even SUPPORT auti$m $peaks. many nd organizations that are run BY nd people (like asan) actually support self-dx.

“If I had of diagnosed my own symptoms and then started treating myself or taking precautions based on my self diagnosed "condition", it could of really hurt me.”

how? taking precautions to preserve your mental health is NEVER a bad idea. i’m not ptsd, but someone i care deeply about DOES have ptsd and has shared a lot of the precautions and coping mechanisms for ptsd with me and honestly they’ve been incredibly helpful. it’s almost as if different neurodivergencies and/or mental illnesses have overlap and that’s why there’s a whole community for us to be able to share these resources and information with each other!

the same person was rejected a formal autism diagnosis because of their ptsd, plus the fact that they’re transgender and the fact they have symptoms of adhd. it’s not really my place to talk about their experience with professional diagnosis, but i’ll send this post to them and allow them to add on their experience in a rb if they’re comfortable with that. but it’s almost as if their experience with the professional diagnosis process was unhelpful, harmful, ableist, and transphobic 🧐 and unfortunately this is a pretty common experience

“Also, by self diagnosing, I devalue the account of a person with the disorder l assumed I had.”

how? if someone thinks they’re nd, they have a legitimate reason for thinking so. either they have another neurodivergency than the one they thought they had, or they’re neurotypical and need to figure themself out and have a need for support. either way, they learned more about the specific neurodivergency, more about the nd community, and more about themself. i don’t see how that’s a bad thing.

if you think self-diagnosed people’s experiences inherently have less value, that is straight up ableism. especially considering that other marginalized identities and minorities have trouble getting professional diagnoses, you might also be bigoted in some other way. or at the very least, refusing to acknowledge your privilege.

“only one more I promise”

i don’t want it

“I understand that doctors are expensive and professionals can get it wrong,”

okay. if you understand this, then dm me your information so i can bill you for the cost of my professional diagnoses, the cost for my therapy sessions, the cost for my medicine, and the cost for transportation to and from all these places. PLUS the cost of the work and school i’ll be missing for these sessions. 🤲

“but self diagnosis can be really harmful to yourself or others.”

nah, you’re just ableist and a gatekeeper lol

“If you feel like you have a disorder, go see a psychiatrist, you may have it.”

[remembers when i went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with two major symptoms of a personality disorder and said i had other symptoms of the pd as well but refused to diagnose me with the actual personality disorder because i was a minor at the time and he told me “kids don’t have personalities so they can’t have personality disorders”. i understand being weary about diagnosing children with personality disorders because they aren’t fully developed but this dude straight up told me that i didn’t have a personality. this man literally only worked with children so that means he literally never diagnosed personality disorders. this man was literally just lazy and didn’t care about his patients. this man also refused to believe me when i told him the medicine he prescribed me made my symptoms worse and even made me hallucinate. he ignored me and refused to change my medicine so eventually i just changed psychiatrists and they put me on a new medicine that DIDNT make my symptoms worse and DIDNT make me hallucinate. also i looked it up after our session and apparently ONLY people with my pd and related ones experience hallucinations on that certain medication. it’s almost like his refusal to diagnose me and ignoring my symptoms/concerns harmed me. this man also constantly misgendered me and told me that homosexuality and transgenderism should’ve still been in the dsm. like golly, it’s almost as if being queer and neurodivergent in an extremely conservative state is harmful and dangerous. and that psychiatrists aren’t immune from being homophobic and transphobic and ableist.] but yes :) perhaps i should see another psychiatrist in this conservative state :)

“I don't want to undermine anyone's actual experiences, but it can be dangerous.”

then stop undermining people’s actual experiences :)

no ❤️

“If you feel like something's wrong, go see a professional.”

the whole point of the neurodiversity movement is that there IS no such thing as a “normal” brain, so saying that neurodivergent people have something “wrong” with them is ableist.

💰 🤲 hand it over

“I don't want to offend, I just don't want anyone to get mislead or hurt. :)”

you absolutely meant to offend. you literally said that self-diagnosed people’s experiences aren’t valid and have less value than people who have professional diagnoses

i know more people who have been (and personally have been) mislead and hurt by professionals than by simply existing as a self-diagnosed person

also i want to say that being pro-self dx is NOT being anti-professional/formal diagnosis. i think that people should absolutely get a professional diagnosis (if they are able to without negative repercussions)! being pro-self dx is more inclusive of marginalized people (like people of color, women, lgbtq+ people, people with multiple disabilities, etc). pro-self dx is simply just saying that professional diagnosis isn’t the only option

(neurotypical people and anti-self dx people don’t add anything; pro-self dx neurodivergent people are allowed to add with their experiences if they want)

[enormous-moose]

Let's Talk Religious Consent [Tyr warning about Fenrir showing up too]

This topic has come up A LOT recently. So I figured I'd toss a few of my own opinions on it.

A few things before we start: I'm using the term ritual as all-encompassing for things people do to practice their religion. Whether that is praying to the Christian god, setting up an altar, tarot cards, ei anything you do to commune or focus your energy into the spiritual world. I of course am going to have a very low tolerance for the Christian side of things because of my own reasons. I am very candid about my displeasure for the Christian faith as well as their god and I do not take kindly to people who pray for me. I will try my hardest to reel in the disgust I feel, but it will be difficult at times, so bear with me and we will get through this together. :D As always.

Now this is in reference to this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYKMTmwGGjM

and this twitter thread https://twitter.com/WolfTheRed/status/1415117880321093634?s=19

First: I have heard far too often "I'll pray for you." This is often used as an underhanded insult. Someone sees you are doing something they don't like or agree with. This person then says "I'll pray for you" as a way of saying they need to be the one to ask for your salvation or ask on your behalf for forgiveness. (HOWEVER!! When I a heathen says I'll pray to you to those same people it is treated as a fucking disgrace and the worst thing possible... why is that? (Rhetorical question... we all know why...))

The question then comes up why would this person pray to a god I don't believe in? I do not need to be seen, considered, or acknowledged by YOUR god. I do not worship your god. Do not offer my salvation or soul to them!

Second: Isn't bringing someone else into prayer just a harmless thing? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I am a very spiritual person, my own practice is my business. If you are bringing me into your religion for your own gain how does that help me? It might seem like an action that is meant to do good, but if I never asked or explicitly told you not to pray to your god for me doesn't that violate my freedom and choice for consent in bringing me into your conversations and rituals with your god?

Third: [Fenrir Alert]

Conversion therapy is a huge branch of this. People without their consent are being forced into religion and opinions based on interpretations. WE should never EVER EVER force our beliefs onto other people. If you don't agree with homosexuality that is your business. DO NOT go around rounding people up and taking them somewhere to convert them to your point of view!

Exorcisms: If someone is sick mentally, physically, whatever. DO NOT assume this is the work of a demon inside their body!! Sometimes religion is not the answer. Luckily we have hospitals, doctors, and medication that can help people who suffer from mental illness. It is not your personal mission to seek out those who are suffering and imprint your rituals on them! This is how people end up dying during exorcisms. I fucking swear the amount of stuff the catholic church gets away with all because they claim it was for their practice or they were doing their god's work. FUCKING BULLSHIT!! Innocent people suffer when you take it upon yourself to fix situations in their lives.

Now, these are pretty extreme circumstances, but that is the point. You cannot force your practices onto others. Instead of saying "I'm going to pray for you." ASK "Is it alright for me to pray for you?" "Can I add you in my healing ritual tonight?" "May I meditate on your plight and ask my god to guide you?"

The answer "Which god?" is a completely fine response! The video says is best, we need to stop assuming people are okay with things. Asking first is going to always be the best policy.

For reference here is an ideal conversation.

"Hey there friend, I saw you're going through a hard time."

"Yeah, it's not going so well."

"Aww, I'm sorry to hear that. Is it alright if I ask Tyr to offer you guidance tonight during ritual?"

"Tyr? Who is that?"

"He's a god that...[goes on to tell]"

"Oh, thanks for the offer, but I don't think so." or "Oh, thanks so much for the offer, I would appreciate that."

Why does it have to be so hard?

Also, F-you to the idiot who without any background in medicine tries to encourage people with mental illness to self-diagnose and not receive the proper help they need. For the record, if anyone is telling you something you don't agree with especially when it comes it your personal health mental or physical always seek a second opinion. This is why REAL doctors don't get upset when you tell them you'd like a second opinion.

In conclusion, seriously read that twitter thread. Some of those people on there are absolutely terrible and a waste of human potential. That video is definitely one that you need to see because it shines light onto a lot of issues and has a few good old-fashioned Christian basing lines that make me weak in the knees.

Also, it is very very important that before you bring in anyone in your ritual you ask for their permission first. Never assume anything and for the love of the gods be better than those stupid hateful Christian/catholic folk!

[thelastyetfabolousmidwestmadman]

Dark Side Of The Rising Sun Part 1

Yo what’s up!

After the success of my previous post, I’ve decided to bring a follow up where I talk about the many dysfunctions and issues facing Japan that I’ve learned in my research. Detective Conan often shows the criminal justice system of Japan in a positive light while in reality it has many issues due to the culture.

Now let me make this clear: Japan has many great things about itself that should never be ignored. However, these are real flaws that have or need to be addressed with many Japanese also recognizing them as problems.

Now I had to split this into parts as this is rather ungainly to put it all at once. If you have any questions please ask and I’ll do my best to answer them.

 Suicide

Japan has one of the highest suicide rates in the world with about 15.2 deaths per 100,000 people.

This is due to many factors such as Suicide not being considered a sin as well as historical connotations of it being a honorable way to go.

It is also considered a act of revenge, apology, and protest.

It is mostly caused today by factors such as unemployment, alienation and intense social pressure.

Japanese society is overall tolerant of Suicide but this is changing in recent times.

Another factor is the need for acceptance over individuality.

People with mental illness are often discriminated against, stopping potential help.

Internet Suicide Clubs where anonymous people make/plan suicide pacts and commit group suicide are a major issue.

If you kill yourself via Shinkansen, your family will be fined heavily. It is also the cause of half of the train delays and referred to as a human incident.

Tall buildings have mandatory suicide fences to prevent people from jumping off. When they succeed, they take off their shoes before hand.

It is common for suicidal people to take insurance policies and wait a year or two to go through with it so their families would be okay.

Ikka Shinju or family suicides are when the entire family kills themselves together due to Asian views of the family. When the parents kill their children before themselves, this is called Muri-Shinju or murder suicides.

Oyaku Shinju or parent-child suicide are where a single parent kill their children along with themselves.

Drownings, overdoses, hangings, and jumping off places are the most common form of suicide.

Judiciary

Traditionally, the judge is hated more then the lawyer is in the west as the Judge is often viewed as a symbol of the Japanese nobility judging the common man.

If you are sent to trial, you are certain to be convicted regardless of innocence due to the countries 99% conviction rate. (Really makes Eri’s work more awesome and badass doesn’t it?)

The Japanese supreme court is one of the most conservative in the world, rarely ruling against issues that are blatantly unconstitutional and anti human rights. As a result, one of the more positive proposals for amendments of the Constitution is the creation of a separate Constitutional Court.

If you are sent to death row, you will never be told in advance when you are going to die.

Culturally, once arrested the person is automatically considered guilty.

Police are often reluctant to overturn convictions as they insist that only guilty are arrested and convicted.

The law when a child is considered criminally responsible is 14.

Judges are often pressured into making convictions as their careers are negatively affected by a not guilty verdict.

Prosecutors are given the choice not to pursue a case regardless of sufficient evidence.

Prisoners in Japan, while somewhat treated better then much of the world due to it’s focus on rehabilitation instead of punishment, have to follow strict military style regulations from minor things such as being forced to fold the bed, or to wash your face to more draconian measures such being beaten if you don’t march or sit the wrong way.

In turn, many have inadequate access to medical care as they don’t have many options for their healthcare.

It can take months or years before you are tried, meaning that a right to a speedy trial is completely nonexistent.

“Periods of reflection” where inmates are forced to be handcuffed, gagged and placed in solitary, are often not recorded by the warden.

Foreigners are forced to speak and write in Japanese.

Drug Use

It is considered vastly socially unacceptable to do narcotics in Japan.

Most drug addicts are even considered to be not human.

If a celebrity is caught doing drugs, his career is automatically fucked and he is blacklisted from the industry, as well as erased from current projects.

The most commonly sold drug is methamphetamine. This started after World War II due to Meth being legal for soldiers to consume in order to stay up late on petrol as well as from occupying Americans. After the was, it became a huge epidemic for 12 years.

Marijuana use has risen among youth. Despite it having little danger as well as medicinal uses, it is widely considered evil, with the law having no tolerance.

Overall, Japan has little drug use compared to the rest of the world due to the cultural taboo and strict laws. However, there are signs that it is being vastly under counted,

Most illicit drugs are imported from Taiwan and South Korea due to it being near impossible to grow it natively but it is becoming increasingly hard to do so.

Drugs overdoses are criminally under diagnosed.

Epidemics often occur due to low periods of economic growth and recessions. (Examples include the postwar period, the 70′s, and the Lost Decade after the Bubble Economy burst in 1989)

It is common for your family or doctor to call the police once you admit there is a problem. Then you are forced to take a urine sample and if it tests positive you are immediately arrested.

A lot of doctors open pharmacies to add to their income. As a result, many oversubscribe prescription drugs.

Hypocritically, Alcoholism is completely tolerated and not treated as a addiction due to alcohol being considering purifying in Shinto, a cure, and Japan having a intense drinking culture.

Child Abuse

For the most part, physical child abuse is considered a private issue and often ignored. While things are slowly getting better, Japan still has a long way to go. (Imagine if Kogoro did what he did to Conan in the west. Child services would be on him like a fly swatter.)

Child services often return the children to their parents even if they say their abusing them as the counseling centers need the parents to admit to their abuse.

It is a complete myth that Japan’s age of consent is 13. That is only the lowest one could set it. Most prefectures are set at 16 or higher. In turn, child molestation of those under 12 is heavily punished. However while vaginal rape of children is illegal, basically just about everything else as long as it’s statutory is basically alright.

Enjo Kosai or compensated dating is the practice of Teenage Girls to go on dates with older men in exchange for money and gifts. While not necessarily always leading to prostitution is treated as such and the girls are often blamed if they are hurt in the process.

Child sex trafficking of migrants is a serious issue and they are often treated as criminals and sent home without counseling.

Adoption of children is rare and frowned upon so many of them have to gro up in centers.

Children of unmarried couples are discriminated against due to the violation of the traditional Ie system and do not have the same protections or privileges of married couples because of its Koseki system.

Men are not obligated to pay child support and it’s near impossible to get them to legally as they can simply hide their finances by not telling them. Plus only one person can be named on the custody sheet.

Child Pornography was effectively decriminalized until 2014. No seriously.

Sexual Harassment/Assault

Domestic violence victims are disabused from coming forward due to the idea of bringing shame to their family.

Stalking cases are rarely taken seriously by the police

OH THERE”S WAY MORE BUT THIS LIST IS DARK ENOUGH SO LET”S SAVE THIS FOR A LATER DATE.

Working Conditions

Idols are heavily exploited and forced to follow strict rules such as having no social life, banned from having a boyfriend, etc. This is because they are supposed to sell a image of innocence and be there exclusively for their fans.

Anime creators are often forced to work long hours with little pay. This has resulted in a slump in the industry with very few new hires so they are forced to rely on the older animators whose health may fail sooner rather then later.

Funds are rarely given to films with artistic intent or that are political in nature, resulting the film industry suffering compared to the more internationally regarded South Korea.

Police Corruption

Until recently, Japanese police would work with organized crime to lower crime. The only reason they stopped was not out of concern for the everyday citizen but because they were embarrassed by the Yakuza when they began to show up more publically.

The media is often laughably compliant to the police, with they rarely offering a critical lens.

Police have undue influence on the Pachiko industry, with many retired officers being hired as muscle and for advice.

It is quite common for officers to embezzle from their slush funds.

In a effort to cover up crime, police often refuse to investigate mysterious or suspicious deaths, preferring to label them as accidents or suicide.

Police are often anti migrant and sexist to a fault.

It is neigh impossible to get a wiretap going due to rigid privacy laws.

Even the police can’t fire weapons as you need approval to even loose your gun so many officers have never fired a bullet.

Government Incompetence/Corruption

Voter Apathy is super high, with many elections having hilariously low turnout.

Many politicians have Yakuza connections, with the gang members serving as bodyguards and canvassing for votes.

Votes in the countryside are worth two compared to urban ones.

A lot of politicians are completely out of touch and constantly have to resign for gaffes (racism, sexism, historical revisionism, etc.)

Political acts are based on group consensus so it can take a long time to get meaningful reform done.

Criticism and debate is ironically frowned upon, with open criticism within a party being effectively banned.

Cronyism is common. While for the most part Japanese politics is based on expertise, many politicians are awarded ministries based on their support for the leader.

The NHK (Japanese version of the BBC) is largely neutral and free but the current Japanese government can dictate what it is to focus on temporarily.

Press Clubs are often given exclusive access to interviews and information from the government, so they get biased preferential treatment.

Okay I guess the point of this list is to bring attention to these issues and expand the opportunities of where to go when it comes to dark DC fanfiction. Don’t worry, here’s a cute Conan to make you smile!

[free--therapy]

Simple Steps to Help You Cope With Anxiety

By Katharina Star, PhD on May 18, 2020

Anxiety involves feelings of worry, fear, and apprehension. Anxiety is typically experienced on cognitive, emotional, and physical levels. For instance, when feeling anxious a person may have negative or disturbing thoughts.

On an emotional level, one may feel scared or out-of-control. It is also common to experience severe anxiety through somatic sensations, such as sweating, trembling, or shortness of breath.

These symptoms are common for people who have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. People with panic disorder are typically familiar with the struggle of managing feelings of anxiety. It can feel as if the anxiety is taking over or completely out of one’s control.

Does anxiety have an overwhelming pull in your life? Fortunately, there are some simple steps you can take to manage your anxiety.

Listed below are 4 tips to help you cope with your feelings of anxiety.

1️⃣ 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞

When anxiety flares, take a time out and think about what it is that is making you so nervous. Anxiety is typically experienced as worrying about a future or past event. For example, you may be worried that something bad is going to happen in the future. Perhaps you continually feel upset over an event that has already occurred. Regardless of what you are worried about, a big part of the problem is that you are not being mindful of the present moment.

Anxiety loses its grip when you clear your mind of worry and bring your awareness back to the present.

The next time your anxiety starts to take you out of the present, regain control by sitting down and taking a few deep breaths. Simply stopping and breathing can help restore a sense of personal balance and bring you back to the present moment. However, if you have the time, try taking this activity a little further and experiment with a breathing exercise and mantra.

Practice this simple breathing technique:

Begin by getting into a comfortable seated position.

Close your eyes and inhale slowly through your nose. Follow this inhalation with a deep exhalation.

Continue to breathe deeply and fully, in and out of your nose. Allow your breath to be a guide to the present.

Use the mantra, “Be Present” as you breathe. With each breath in, think to yourself “be” and with each breath out, focus on the word “present.”

Breathing exercises are powerful relaxation techniques that can help ease your body and mind of anxiety while turning your attention towards the present.

2️⃣ 𝐅𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐁𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮

The physical symptoms of panic and anxiety, such as trembling, chest pain, and rapid heartbeat, are usually more apparent than understanding just what is making you anxious. However, in order to get to the root of your anxiety, you need to figure out what’s bothering you. To get to the bottom of your anxiety, put some time aside to exploring your thoughts and feelings.

Writing in a journal can be a great way to get in touch with your sources of anxiety. If anxious feelings seem to be keeping you up at night, try keeping a journal or notepad next to your bed. Write down all of the things that are bothering you. Talking with a friend can be another way to discover and understand your anxious feelings.

Make it a habit to regularly uncover and express your feelings of anxiety.

3️⃣ 𝐅𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐎𝐧 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞

Many times anxiety stems from fearing things that haven’t even happened and may never occur. For example, even though everything is okay, you may still worry about potential issues, such as losing your job, becoming ill, or the safety of your loved ones.

Life can be unpredictable and no matter how hard you try, you can’t always control what happens. However, you can decide how you are going to deal with the unknown. You can turn your anxiety into a source of strength by letting go of fear and focusing on gratitude.

Replace your fears by changing your attitude about them. For example, stop fearing to lose your job and instead focus on how grateful you are to have a job. Come to work determined to do your best. Instead of fearing your loved one's safety, spend time with them, or express your appreciation of them. With a little practice, you can learn to dump your anxiety and pick up a more positive outlook.

At times, your anxiety may actually be caused by a real circumstance in your life. Perhaps you’re in a situation where it is realistic to be worried about losing your job due to high company layoffs or talks of downsizing.

When anxiety is identified as being caused by a current problem, then taking action may be the answer to reducing your anxiety. For example, you may need to start job searching or scheduling interviews after work.

By being more proactive, you can feel like you have a bit more control over your situation.

4️⃣ 𝐅𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐀𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲-𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠

At times, it may be most helpful to simply redirect yourself to focus on something other than your anxiety.6 You may want to reach out to others, do some work around your home, or engage in an enjoyable activity or hobby. Here are a few ideas of things you can do to thwart off anxiety:

Do some chores or organizing around the house.

Engage in a creative activity, such as drawing, painting, or writing.

Go for a ​walk or engage in some other form of physical exercise.

Listen to music.

Pray or meditate.

Read a good book or watch a funny movie.

Most people are familiar with experiencing some anxiety from time-to-time. However, chronic anxiety can be a sign of a diagnosable anxiety disorder.

When anxiety affects one’s relationships, work performance, and other areas of life, there is potential that these anxious feelings are actually an indication of mental health illness.

If you are experiencing anxiety and panic symptoms, talk with your doctor or other professionals who treat panic disorder. They will be able to address any concerns you have, provide information on diagnosis, and discuss your treatment options.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Soulmate Change

Soulmate marks can change if something happens that's big enough to make them do so.

Like say... telling your soulmate to jump off a roof.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Soulmates are the way of things. You have a mark that shows an important part of who your soulmate would be. These marks would glow to your soulmate upon first seeing them (and knowing what they were.)

 Bakugou Katsuki and Midoriya Izuku are soulmates. Izuku was born with a mushroom cloud in orange on his right shoulder while Katsuki had a green fist on his lower back. 

 The boys were best friends instantly. They did everything together. 

 “Gonna be hewoes!” They would cheer. Soulmate heroes were fairly common. They made the best teams.

 Katsuki’s quirk came in, explosions on his palms and they waited to see what Izuku’s would be. Something about his hands they assumed.

 But there was nothing.

 Quirkless they diagnosed him as.

 At first, it didn’t seem to affect them.

 Then Katsuki began telling him to stop being stupid. He couldn’t be a hero. He was weak. He wasn’t going to be a good one. 

 The bullying came next. Being shoved around or the occasional burst on fire on his skin.

 Izuku put up with it though. A part of him believed in soulmates fiercely. He wanted to believe his soulmate would be his friend again. That they would face the world together.

 And then…

 “Take a swan dive off the roof.” It echoed. It echoed in his mind and screamed in his soul throughout the day. He kept hearing it as he fought a villain, as All Might praised him. As he was handed a quirk. As he spotted the green vase on All Might’s lower arm and convinced him to come to see his house. As his mom dropped a pan and All Might gasped at seeing the hairbrush on his mom’s neck. Later the brush would make sense. In a way.

 But his mind focused on those words.

 Swan dive off the roof.

 He wanted to scream. He wanted to rage.

 Instead, he made a choice.

 One thing about Marks was that they could change. It wasn’t that common. Maybe eight cases or so a year? Or more but eight would make the news. Izuku had only ever known that his teacher’s mark had changed. 

 But they could. When something happened that shattered the soulmates’ trust and belief. When something happened that made them unable to accept their soulmate anymore.

 Some of the cases to make the news had the soulmate of a villain testifying against them, and it would always focus on the devastation of the villain as they saw the mark had changed. 

 Take a swan dive off the roof.

 Izuku goes to sleep with a mushroom cloud and wakes up with a blue engine on his arm.

 “Izuku…” breathes his mom upon seeing it. All Might- Toshinori- looks confused as he sits there, having spent the night on the couch. “What happened?”

  “... he told me to take a swan dive off the roof and pray I had a Quirk in the next life.” Something smashes and Toshinori stiffens while his mother looks broken. 

 It’s simple to change it. The people look confused at him changing it until they figure out they met young.

 “It’s why we say people should separate the kids if they’re soulmates,” the social worker who is documenting their case tells them. “Kids change as they grow up. Teens to but I’ve found teens tend to be a bit more stable in their souls at age sixteen and on.”

 “So it’s more common then we know?” Asks Izuku.

 “For kids? I’ve seen about twenty in my six years change because they were kids.” Explains the woman. “We need to know what happened though kid.”

 “He told me to take a swan dive off the roof and hope I got a Quirk in my next life.” The woman freezes.

 “... well fuck that kid then.” She looks angry and Izuku feels a bit of gratitude to this woman, for taking his side.

 He doesn’t have to bare his mark he’s told. He’s underage.

 So he doesn’t. He keeps long sleeves and works out. He cleans a beach and learns history from Toshinori who is over all the time and eventually moves in, hand in hand with his mom. 

 He doesn’t think about his mark. 

-0- 

 Bakugou Katsuki has known his soulmate since they were children.

 He wants him as far away from heroes as possible.

 It’s easy to discourage him. Make himself scary. Be a bully. Torment him.

 It hurts to do so. It kills him inside.

 But he wants his soulmate safe. 

 (And a small part laughs in joy at the sight of him on his knees. Crying. His soulmate shouldn’t look down on him and he does and he hates it.)

 His mom finds out though, after the slime attack.

 “You told him to jump off a roof you brat?!?” She screams and he shouts back, explaining himself.

 It doesn’t help it.

 “You stay the fuck away from Izuku Katsuki.” She tells him and closes the door behind her. He glares but decides to listen.

 The slime attack should have put Izuku off. It should have. His scolding should have done the rest.

 He’ll be safe.

 (“You didn’t tell him?”

 “No. He deserves to find out the hard way.” It’s cruel. Mitsuki knows this. 

 But she does it anyway. Her son hurt his soulmate enough for the mark to change. Her son told him to kill himself. 

 She knows the school praised Katsuki, put him on a pedestal. He had the strongest quirk in school after all. They let things slide. And maybe she did to.

 But words and actions have consequences. It was time he learned that.)

-0-

 He gains One for All a week before the exam and it hurts when he breaks his arm but it’s enough for them to know he needs to figure out how to hold it back. He analyzes and analyzes, figuring out where to focus it and how.

 He breaks his finger the day before the exam but it’s enough. 

 He’s a late bloomer they tell the doctor. Toshinori speaks up and says he has a strength quirk to, one that hurt him pretty bad because his body wasn’t ready and suggests that why his took so long.

 They let them think what they want. Hisashi has left Inko for his soulmate before she’d known she was pregnant. He hadn’t sent her anything, and she didn’t want it anyway. 

 Toshinori claims to be All Might’s secretary in his own agency, and they can say they had met after Hisashi had walked out, that he’d been early. That Inko hadn’t been sure, that Toshinori hadn’t seen the brush on her neck and she hadn’t seen the vase.

 Both put on brilliant blushes at the look and Izuku gags because that’s not an image he wants in his head, thanks. 

 But it’s enough that they ignore it when they put it down and soon he’s sitting in an auditorium, trying to ignore… trying to ignore the blonde next to him. 

 He’s quiet and doesn’t mutter, not wanting Katsuki’s attention. He wants to focus on himself and what’s going on first.

 It’s later though. At the entrance to the fake city, he sees it. The boy who’d stood up during Present Mic’s speech.

 He has engines in his legs.

 He tries not to puke.

 Instead, he focuses on doing well. He’s not the best. He holds back, knowing his quirk is to much for him. 

 At least he holds back until the zero pointer. He can’t let someone get hurt. He doesn’t care it’s a test and there might be safeguards. 

 It’s a robot. And there is always a possibility of malfunction. 

 He throws himself at the robot and smashes it. He breaks his arm, his legs. He doesn’t care.

 He falls and is saved. 

 He’s barely aware of his sleeves missing, of the engine shown on his arm.

 He’s barely aware of someone seeing it.

 He’s barely aware of a choked gasp, and people whispering at the engine.

 But he knows it happened.

-0-

 Iida Tenya isn’t sure what to think. He stares at the boy on the ground with the engine on his arm and thinks, it explains the fist. 

 He wants to focus, his mind is going a million miles an hour as he thinks things through. 

 But his mind keeps going back to the engine. He boy is taken to the infirmary to sleep off his healing and Tenya decides to wait for him.

 A green-haired woman and a skeleton thin man are there. The man is in an ill-fitting suit and the woman looks worried and stressed.

 She sees him and her eyes frown, taking him in before she sees his legs.

 A look is on her face then and the man stares at him too. 

 “Toshi-“

 “Go see Izuku,” he says. “I’ll talk to him.” The woman nods and the man walks to Tenya who hesitates. “Relax, I’m not going to hurt you. You’re an Iida aren’t you?” 

 “Ah! Yes sir!” Tenya says nervously. “You know my family?”

 “I’m All Might’s secretary.” The man explains and oh that is… wow. “So, you’re Izuku’s soulmate.”

 “Ah… yes. If that is the boy who broke his arm.” Tenya looks at this man, who must be his soulmate’s father, and is quietly utterly terrified.

 “... it’s not private so I’ll tell you but Izuku’s mark Changed to the engine.” The man says and Tenya feels his heart stop. 

 What? His… that…

 “I… how…”

 “That is private but know that Izuku might not be ready to date anyone right now.” The man tells him. 

 “Ah! I do not wish to date currently sir! I simply wish to get to know my soulmate!” Tenya shakes his head and he puts all his thoughts away while the man studies him a bit more. He nods.

 “I see. Tell you what-“ he hands him a business card. “That’s my number. Call me later and I’ll give your number to Izuku. He can decide. It might be easier not to be face to face for a while.”

 Tenya agrees. He also needs to think about this.

 His mark has never changed. His soulmate’s has.

 It's a bit of a bitter thought.

-0-

 Izuku texts his soulmate a week after the exams. When the whispers surround him and he just wants to die.

 My school sucks. Is all he texts.

 Perchance why? Is texted back.

 Everyone thought I was Quirkless forever but it turns out my Quirk needed a certain amount of power to activate. But anyway Quirkless means bullies.

The answer back was horrified but it did compel them to speak more and more. Eventually, it became phone calls and long chats. 

 The real test was three months after the exam when they met up with their families.

 Izuku might have fanboyed. A little.

 … a lot.

 But they took it in stride.

 Tensei found it cute and teased his brother’s soulmate gently as the boy blushed and stuttered. He backed off when Tenya shot him a look, standing in front of his little soulmate a bit.

 Time goes by after that and then one day, visiting and sitting on a pier of a beach, Izuku speaks.

 “My old soulmate told me to take a swan dive off the roof and pray for a quirk.” Tenya drops his orange juice and turns, eyes wide, to stare at Izuku. “It’s why the mark changed. It’s why it’s taken me so long…”

 “I won’t leave you,” Tenya tells him. “I won’t do that, I swear. I would…”

 “I know.” Izuku smiles at him. “I know. But… I’m not ready for anything but friends.”

 “Me either,” Tenya admits. “I’d like more but I wish to wait as well.” He reaches out though, taking Izuku’s hand and the green-haired boy squeezes it. They smile at each other again. 

 It’s just right for them. 

 When they go to UA, they go together, getting in early. That’s when they see Katsuki. He’s there early too, sitting in a desk and smirking. Izuku freezes. Tenya’s fists clench. But they keep their distance. 

 (Katsuki wants to demand what Izuku is thinking being here. Why isn’t he talking to him? Why isn’t he going near him? Why? Why? Why?)

 When it’s testing time… that’s when it happens. Izuku uses his Quirk and grins- he hadn’t hurt himself- and Katsuki snaps.

 “What the fuck DEKU?!” He roars, charging at him, ignoring the flinch Izuku gives. He’s caught by their teacher but he doesn’t care. “You fucking liar! I’m your damn soulmate and you haven’t said shit-“

 “No, you’re not,” Izuku speaks. And then he rolls up his sleeve and…

 It’s gone.

 The mushroom cloud. 

 It’s gone.  

 Katsuki freezes, eyes wide.

 “Wha… no it couldn’t… it couldn’t change…” he breathes. Izuku looks at him and he looks terrified, but his eyes glance to someone behind them (that’s an engine, his soulmate found another that fast?) before he straightens his shoulders. 

 “Why wouldn’t it? How long have you tormented me? Bullied me? Said cruel shit to me? Why wouldn’t it change when you stopped being the Kaachan I knew as a child?” Izuku asks and his words feel like bullets. 

 “... you were Quirkless. I wanted to protect you, make myself scary so you wouldn’t…” Katsuki breathes (but it’s not the full truth and he knows it like Izuku knows it by the way his mouth slants).

 “Actions and words have consequences,” Izuku tells him before he walks away to grab onto a different hand.

 The teacher lets him go and Katsuki stands there. His body is shaking.

 What…

 What had he done?

[uncloseted]

why do you think it seems like people are more depressed and anxious now than ever before ? do you think social media has something to do with it ?

Okay so first a few disclaimers.  I’m not a mental health professional or an epidemiologist, so these should be taken more as casual speculation than fact.  Also, I grew up in the US, so a lot of this is likely US-centric, but I think a lot of these factors are problems that are prevalent throughout the world. So in order to answer this question, the first thing we have to ask is what causes anxiety and depression in the first place?  A lot of people (especially on Tumblr) have a tendency to blame “brain chemicals”, which is true in part, but not the entire story.  Depression and anxiety are complex, and what causes them is multifaceted.  These causes can also include (but aren’t limited to) genetic vulnerability, faulty mood regulation, stressful life events, medications, medical problems, early childhood loses and trauma, the way you learn to relate to the world in childhood, and structural differences in the brain.  It should be noted that hormones and hormone fluctuations are included in that, which may be part of why teenagers present with more symptoms of mental health issues than other people.

The first thing we should consider and something I think accounts for a lot of the increase in depression and anxiety is access to mental health care.  As we talk about depression and anxiety more as a culture and as our health care systems become more aware of mental illness, more people are being diagnosed with mental health issues and speaking about those diagnoses freely.  The criteria for depression and anxiety has also become slightly more flexible than it used to be, which also means that more people are being diagnosed.  However, while more people are being diagnosed, those people aren’t necessarily getting a holistic approach to treatment.  Many people are diagnosed by their primary care doctor and given mediation, but do not see a therapist or make lifestyle changes.  So, more people being diagnosed but not necessarily more people getting adequate treatment or recovering.

Moving on to lifestyle changes, our culture is not ideally suited for good mental health.  As a culture, our diets aren’t great, we don’t sleep enough, we don’t exercise, we’re culturally isolated and often lacking in community, we don’t do things for other people, we don’t get a lot of downtime or vacation time, and we aren’t taught how to regulate our emotions or deal with negative feelings (and are often taught maladaptive coping mechanisms instead).  All of this can play a real part in making people who are already predisposed to being anxious or depressed worse. 

We also have a lot of conflicting cultural expectations- on the one hand we’re supposed to do what we love and be happy, but we’re also expected to be successful and functioning members of society, which don’t always go hand in hand.  And our focus on being happy can actually be counterproductive- when people become very focused on happiness, they become anxious about not feeling happy or about how to feel happier, which in turn brings their mood down.  Our reliance on digital devices also plays into this; some research has shown that those who have grown up with technology use their devices as a coping mechanism (to ignore or escape from negative emotion) and are emotionally unprepared to deal with difficult situations because of it.


On the topic of devices, I do think media and social media also play a role in this problem.  It used to be that the media you had access to was primarily local news, and occasionally something national or international.  Now, we are inundated with news from all over the world, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  This causes a unique problem; we are aware of all sorts of bad things happening in the world, more than ever before, and I think many of us feel like we have a responsibility to do something about each and every one of those issues but can’t.  That helplessness and feeling of responsibility contributes, I think, to a lot of people’s anxiety.  The current political situation also isn’t helping, particularly if you’re young, liberal, or part of a marginalized group.  Feeling like the world is falling apart because of our elected officials can be really scary, especially again when you feel like you don’t have any control over the situation.

As far as social media goes,  we are constantly presented with images of other people with which to compare ourselves against, and I think even if we consciously know that, those images can make us feel inadequate or like we need to be doing more.
  Comparison has been scientifically proven to be the thief of joy, whether we consciously recognize it or not.

We’re also a generation entering into a poor economy, and a lot of us are over-educated and under-employed.  However, our parents ideas of what we “should” be doing are still there- buy a house in the suburbs, get married, have children- things that are not necessarily financially feasible anymore.  And so again, a mismatch between expectations others have of us and the reality of our situation that causes feelings of inadequacy.  And when it comes to work, many of us are in jobs where we’re under-stimulated, doing way less work than the amount of hours we’re at work for, or where we’re (to borrow from Marx) alienated from our labor.  School is similar; it’s not really designed with students in mind, and it isn’t always a stimulating experience where you can see the purpose of what you’re learning.

On the topic of parents, that has contributed to rising levels of anxiety and depression as well.  “Helicopter parents” make their children reliant on them, and when that child grows up and has to be an adult, they’re unprepared to be independent, which can cause a lot of anxiety.  Helicopter parents are also likely to be anxious themselves, and so they model anxious behavior for their children, causing their children to be anxious adults when they grow up.

I think the amount of choice we have also contributes to the anxiety/depression question.  When you’re told what you should do, that can suck, but at least you have an idea of what the “right” choice is.  We have an unlimited number of choices that we have to make each and every day with very little guidance as to what the right choice is, but lots of expectations about how we should be. Again, anxiety provoking- what if you make the wrong decision and fail to live up to expectations?  Along with that, we have an idea that we’re in control of our own lives and every decision that we make.  In happiness research, there’s this idea of the “locus of control”- basically how much control you think you have over your life.  People with low loci of control are happier than those who feel like they’re in control of everything, and so I think having so much choice and so much control is contributing to why people are unhappy.  And as a result of that high locus of control, we spend a lot more time thinking about the past and the future, and less time sitting with ourselves in the present.  We don’t give ourselves a lot of downtime to just exist, without external distractions or letting our thoughts control our experiences.  Learning how to be mindful and fully present is an important skill in order to battle depression and anxiety.

Culturally, like I said before,  I think depression and anxiety have become more acceptable to talk about, which is good!  But those discussions are also creating a sort of echo chamber, where everyone around you is also struggling.  I think the sort of “depression meme culture” we’re seeing online today is actually a problem because of that- people are pulling each other down instead of working together to recover from their mental health problems.  It’s becoming normalized to be a teenager or twenty something with a mental health issue, and the more we accept this as normal, the less people will seek help or treatment.

Last one, and this is a strange one, but bear with me here- I think that 9/11 had a huge impact on the anxiety levels of people born in the 90s in the US (and I imagine similar events that have happened in other countries would have the same impact).  I think children who saw that happen but couldn’t really process the situation are more likely to become anxious adults because to a ten year old brain it seems like something terrible could happen anytime, anywhere, and that trains our brains to constantly be on red alert, waiting for the next catastrophic thing to happen.  I would guess this is especially true of people (like me) who lived in New York when it happened.
  On a larger scale, I think many of us have never really had the luxury of living in a world that’s (seemingly) working well and at peace, and there’s kind of a generalized, low-level anxiety that comes with that.

This definitely isn’t a comprehensive look at the issue, but hopefully this gives some insight into it at the very least.  If you all can think of other factors that might contribute to the rise in anxiety and depression, please send them in!

[reydelcastill0]

Fandom: Marble Hornets, The Blackout Club (Video Game)

Words: 1880

Rating: General Audiences 

Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Jessica Locke & Jay Merrick, Jessica Locke (Marble Hornets) & Lucids (The Blackout Club) Characters: Jessica Locke, Jay Merrick, Lucids (The Blackout Club), Masky (Marble Hornets)

Additional Tags: The Blackout Hornets AU, Hospitals, Hospitalization, Unreliable Narrator, Inaccurate Representation of Hospitals, Memory Loss, Implied Trans Male Character, Jessica Locke and Jay Merrick are Twins, No Diagnosed Illnesses, Implied Illnesses, Implied Trans Jay Merrick, Lucids as a "Doctor", Lucids as a "Nurse"

Series: Part 1 of inTheMAZE

Summary: Jessica wakes up in a hospital bed with little to no memories. A doctor catches her up to speed, but she doesn't believe Him. She thinks it's all a lie, but she doesn't know what to do about it, so she won't. Instead, she becomes close friends with a patient suffering from the same problems as her.

Jessica sat up with a groan. Her head was pounding and her mind sounded so loud it was almost unbearable. Her mind almost sounded like it was singing to her, but Jessica wouldn’t describe the sounds as a song. It was close, except it was barely recognizable. Jessica decides to identify it as static that so happens to vary in pitch. Regardless, she didn’t like the noise. It was almost as if it was trying to drown out her thoughts. It made her headache worse.

It couldn’t fully take over her mind, though. She managed to tune it out at some point and focus on her own thoughts— on things that weren’t the static. She could focus on the slightly scratchy bedsheet beneath her, the white curtains that surrounded her bed, and the weird smell that reminded her of a hospital room, and oh— 

That’s ‘cause she is in a hospital room. This realization makes her panic. ‘Focus, why are you here?’ she thought. She moved to dangle her legs off the side of the bed (ignoring the way her feet slightly brush against some shoes that weren’t hers, but might be for her) and closed her eyes to take some time to think: What is it that she can remember?

‘My name is Jessica— um— Jessica… Jessica,’ she couldn’t remember her last name. ‘What was it again?’ She spent moments angrily trying to figure it out. Soon, she settles on Locke, as incorrect as it sounds. Her name is Jessica Locke.

Next, she tried to deduce what time it was, but nothing could help her figure that out. The lights from the room were on, but she saw no windows. She figured that would be a waste of her time (if she could even tell how much time passes).

She decides to try and figure out why she is here. That was almost more difficult to figure out than the time. She couldn’t remember why she may be in a hospital, in fact, she couldn’t remember much about herself. Her memory was spotty. She knew her age, name (she felt like she didn’t really know her name), and little personality things— the things that made her her. She also knew what her house looked like, but not who she lived with or how to get there. She knew she went to school, but not who her teachers are or if she has friends. She knew she knew people, but who these people were? That was beyond her. 

She can’t remember anyone, except for Amy. Amy Walters, her best friend… She feels sad thinking about her, but she doesn’t know why. Amy is okay. The last thing she did with Amy— the last thing she remembers— was hanging out with Amy. If she remembers right, they were playing video games together and idly chatting about their friends (whoever their friends were). That was it. That was the only instance in her life she had the most memories about, yet she couldn’t even know the whole truth of it.

“I’ve lost my memories…” she said out loud (the first thing she has said since she woke up), “I’ve lost them…” Once she said the words out loud, she cringed. It was too loud and broke the silence, paving way for unease. Why is she here? She doesn’t get the time to fester in her thoughts because seconds later, a Man in a doctor’s outfit (He must be her doctor, then) walked in, wheeling in a chair so He could sit on it.

“It’s good to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?” He asks. Jessica tries to focus on the Man’s face, but her vision begins to blur. She panics a bit, but she doesn’t tell Him anything about it.

“I’m fine,” she mutters, quick to respond as if she were reading off some script. She tries to look at His face again, but she can’t. She continues to try— to try and ground herself in the reality of the situation— but there comes a point where trying to look makes the static song in her head louder. It hurts.

“Do you know why you are here, Jessica?” He asks. She shakes her head. She finds comfort in the fact that her name actually is Jessica, but she is uncomfortable. “Well, that is expected.”— His tone sounds like a threat— “You see, you’re sick. You have a terrible cough, constant and painful migraines, hallucinations, and, unfortunately, violent episodes.” Jessica doesn’t believe him.

“But I don’t… Remember anything?” She says so, but it’s some sort of question. She is positive she has never had some “violent episode” in her whole life. 

“That might be the medicine we gave you.” She can’t see His face, but she could decipher a frown simply by his tone of voice.

“Oh… Okay.” She doubts meds can cause people to lose their memories like this, and if by chance such medication exists, she feels that maybe the medical industry should work on fixing that. “How long will I be here?”

“Until you get better.” He sounds annoyed.

“Of course.” There is no point in talking anymore. She wants Him to leave. She wants to leave. She feels out of place, like she’s bad at playing pretend. Like nothing is real and she just has a role to fill. She is a patient; she is sure that’s a fucking lie.

But she’ll play along. She doesn’t know her lines or what her stage directions are, but she’ll figure it out. She has to, or she’ll never know when she needs to exit the stage— the hospital.

Luckily, it becomes easy to fulfill her role after being provided a nurse. She talks to her nurse more than she talks to her doctor, but the conversations aren’t worth much to her. Jessica is glad that she gets to talk to the patient from the next room over. Apparently they share the same doctor and He saw it fit to introduce the two.

“Jessica, this is Jayme,” He says, “Jayme, this is Jessica.” He is very blunt about the introduction and then has their nurses whisk them away. It isn’t until lunchtime that she learns the other patient goes by Jay and not Jayme.

“Why is that?” Jessica asks. 

Jay thinks about his answer for a moment before he tells her. “I don’t know why the doctor calls me Jayme. My name is Jay Merrick.”

“Funny, that sounds familiar,” Jessica responds. It does, and a bit too familiar. Then again, if this whole “sick” business is real (she doubts it) and she accounts for the fact that she has memory problems, perhaps Jay is a patient she knew. She finds it unlikely. Jay would have remembered her, but he has never met her before.

He stumbles on his words for a moment. “I— It’s just… Um, it’s a pretty common name, so,” he says. She watched as he grew anxious and decided not to press on the issue. 

She forces out a chuckle. “Oh, duh,” she laughs. She wouldn’t know how common the name actually is and she thinks maybe Jay doesn’t either. He laughs, too, and then their nurses come and separate them again.

They do that a lot. She doesn’t know what they look like. Only that Jessica’s nurse is a Girl and that Jay’s nurse is a Guy, but she can’t see their faces (like how she can’t see her doctor’s). But she can see Jay’s face. Jay is the only person she can hold eye contact with and she finds that odd. She wonders if he feels the same, but it’s difficult to attempt to question him. He’s here for the same reason as her. She suspects that’s why the hospital staff limit their time together. 

Some few weeks pass and Jessica forms a strong bond with Jay. They are always together when they are allowed to be. Sometimes, they sneak into each other's rooms and cuddle together. The feeling reminds her of sneaking into her younger sister’s— She doesn’t have a sister…— her younger brother’s (‘Is that right?’ she thinks) bed or when he would sneak into hers because being separated wasn’t something they dealt with so well.

Luckily, her nurse seems to turn a blind eye whenever She catches Jessica sneaking to Jay’s room and she assumes that Jay’s nurse does the same when he sneaks to her room. She’s glad, but their doctor seems to dislike it very much.

He continuously grows frustrated with Jessica and Jay. “You aren’t making any progress to recovery and if this keeps up, Jessica, we’ll have to change our methods,” He says and it’s clear he is becoming impatient with her. That doesn’t matter to Jessica. She dreads the idea of different methods and resolves to confront Jay once and for all about their situation. 

One night, Jay sneaks to Jessica’s room and slips into bed with her. He has a question, but he does not ask it. So she asks him one instead: “Don’t you think it’s a little weird that besides you, me, and our doctor and nurses, that we’re the only ones here? Like, I know they don’t let us go everywhere, but it feels like maybe that’s because this is all that there is…”

“I… It is weird—”

“And also don’t you think our situation sounds like a lie? Our doctor dodges most of our questions and instead tells us we’re violent and sick… Jay, they haven’t diagnosed us with anything. We’re just sick.” Jessica is whispering and it makes the faults and quivers in her voice more prominent. Jay, nonetheless, seems to understand her point of view.

“It’s really weird… I was actually going to talk to you about this. I think we need to run away…” He says the last sentence even quieter than his normal whisper voice, paranoid as if the nurses are waiting to hear him say that.

“I think so, too…”

They proceed to formulate a plan. Jay is the one making it, but Jessica is helping him bring his thoughts together. Jay wants to escape the following night. They’ll sneak some protein and snack bars to their rooms and hide them under the pillows. They’ll ask for a water bottle some time before bed (Jessica will ask before “going to sleep” and Jay will ask a few hours earlier). When they have to sleep, Jay will go get Jessica. The two will have their snack bars and water bottle in their pillowcase. From there, they’ll hope they make it far (fully escaping sounds unrealistic, so they would rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed). 

They’ll escape. But then things go wrong right at the end. Instead of Jay coming, some boy a bit older than her goes to her room. He wears a white with black painted lips and while he doesn’t seem threatening, he charges at her and pokes her with a needle.

Before she faints, she realizes it’s a tranquilizer dart. She’s seen them before. Funny, the familiarity of it makes her slightly happy. Her last thought, however, is hoping Jay makes it out safely (and maybe in a better way than she did).

Jessica Locke— or as her name actually is— Jessica Merrick blacks out.

[thedailyjem]

Dear World,

Imagine the following scenario….

             You wake up in the morning, get ready for the day, and turn on the news. You see story after story about the new Coronavirus. This triggers you to overthink. You say “I have shortness of breath. I have the virus!” “I have a cough! Maybe I have the virus!” Next, you google your symptoms and monitor them to see if they change. You believe you have the virus but that is not your real diagnosis though.

             You call your doctor and tell them your symptoms. Then, you get tested for the virus and the test comes back negative. Several days later the cycle continues. You have shortness of breath and it must be the Coronavirus. You google your symptoms, monitor them, call your doctor, get reassurance, and then it starts all over again when you feel symptoms again. Your diagnosis is not Coronavirus but instead it is Illness Anxiety Disorder.

             Illness Anxiety Disorder (formerly known as hypochondria) is a disorder in which you believe you are sick or dying all the time. It is like an obsession that will not go away. No matter what you do, your brain thinks those thoughts. This disorder can be debilitating for people, especially now with the virus!

             The media’s excess coverage of the virus is anxiety inducing enough without having an anxiety disorder on top of it. People with Illness Anxiety Disorder are under extreme stress and anxiety right now. They might be at the point where they will not leave their house to get necessities (i.e. groceries, medicines, etc.). They are excessively washing their hands and using Lysol. People with the disorder are going to extremes because of their anxiety and these extremes can be hazardous to their health.

             As the pandemic continues, there will be a rise in health-related anxiety. People who had not anxiety disorder before may have one now and people with Illness Anxiety Disorder are having a challenging time. There are several easy things that you can do to reduce your anxiety at this time.

Bullet Journaling

             Jotting down how you feel can be stress relieving! A bullet journal is a bit different from a regular journal. It can be a planner, diary, list, or drawings. Just look up bullet journals on Google and you will be amazed by all the fabulous ideas. With a bullet journal you can make lists of things you can do when you are anxious as a reminder. Also, you can track your anxiety in the journal. By tracking your anxiety and writing in it like a diary you can see if there are any patterns that may have caused your anxiety. Bullet journals can be super colorful and include doodles or drawings in them. Many people state that since they cannot draw that they will not be able to make a bullet journal. This is not true! Many people have bullet journals despite not being the best artists. The bullet journal is for your eyes only, so draw away!

Coloring Books

             When you hear about coloring books you normally think of children. However, the latest trend is for adults to have their own coloring books. These coloring books reduce stress and anxiety in adults because they have to hyper focus in order to color in the small details on each page. Many of these adult coloring books have inspirational sayings in them to uplift your spirits. Coloring books are not just for kids anymore. So, go out and buy your best colored pencils and start coloring!

Grounding Exercises

             Another coping skill is to complete grounding exercises as needed. These are activities that bring your mind into awareness of the current moment. A grounding exercise is meant to help reduce your anxiety and panic attacks. Some examples of grounding exercises include:

·       Drinking cold water when anxious

·       Splashing cold water on your face

·       Taking deep breaths

·       Looking around and using your five senses. Say what you can touch, taste, smell, hear, and see.

·       Using apps to perform breathing exercises and meditation

 Challenging Yourself

             Lastly, be sure to challenge your own thinking. When you think you are sick, try to change your internal dialogue. This is a slow process, but if you keep at it, you will be successful. When you think a thought, say a challenging thought back. For example, if you think you are sick with the Coronavirus you could immediately tell yourself some reassuring thoughts. You could tell yourself that you are taking all the precautions to stay safe, that you are wearing a mask outside, you are staying home when you can, and that you have been washing your hands after going to the store. These four statements are positive and contradict your internal thinking that you are sick. You can also tell yourself that if you are not better in a couple of days that you will call the doctor then and not right now. Challenging your thinking can be difficult, especially since some Coronavirus symptoms are the same as panic attack symptoms. It will take some time, but you can challenge your thoughts and in return it will lead to a less amount of anxiety.

             If you have Illness Anxiety Disorder keep pushing forward! Use your coping skills when you need them. They work!  If you recently are feeling anxiety and are not diagnosed with a disorder, use the strategies to help you! I promise that they work if you stick with them. There is no shame in needing coping skills and you are not alone. We are all in this together. So, be kind and use your coping skills to help you through this challenging time.

 Sincerely,

Jem Benton

[autistic-space-dragon]

Warning - Long Post.

I wanna share something real quick, in light of the recent self diagnosis discussion. 

I have depression and anxiety. Both are formally diagnosed but only fairly recently in comparison to how long I went with them officially undiagnosed. 

I began to suspect I had depression and anxiety when I was 10. That is when I knew something was wrong. And for 7 years I did research on these mental illnesses and tried to get the adults in my life to take my concerns seriously. My parents never did. As I became a teenager my mental health problems became dismissed as teenage angst, and my concerns dismissed as being dramatic and uninformed. For 5-7 years I lived as someone self-diagnosed with depression and anxiety because no one in my life would take me seriously on it. And so I had to find ways to help myself. 

What I will never tell my parents, because I know it will break their hearts, is that for a good few years in that time, I was self harming, and I was on my way to suicidal. I had literally no one in my life offline who I could talk to about any of this, no support network I could trust to lean on. I had to drag myself out of that dark pit, entirely alone. And when I think back on it, my heart hurts for my younger self for having to go through all of that as alone as I did, for saving my own life, while no one in my life has any idea any of this happened at all. 

What finally got me my diagnosis? 

Well you see it took until I had a full breakdown in the middle of my exams, the worst I have ever had to date, that has had a long term impact since, that I was finally taken seriously. I really do think that incident was my breaking point, I’ve not been the same since, I still have not quite recovered to the point I was at before. And sometimes I feel so mad, so frustrated, that it took me getting to that point, took it to being almost kind of too late, for anyone to actually notice. To finally see me, to be heard. 

After my breakdown, I finally convinced my mum that I really was suffering from some serious mental health problems, and finally was able to seek diagnosis, in order to get extra support from my university and to be put on medication. However this still wasn’t the end of the journey, because I had to go through several doctors before I found one who would actually listen to what I was there for, and sort out my diagnosis and medication. 

Of the doctors I went through, pretty much all of them, upon finding out about my childhood diagnosis of autism, wanted to focus on that instead, and wasted the appointment time entirely. Several of them also reacted poorly to finding out that I am trans. For doctors appointments I often used to bring my mum with me for support, because they would make be very anxious and I would struggle to be verbal. My mum would get it started for me, allowing me time to find my voice and be ready to speak up for myself. 

Multiple doctors, upon learning about my autism, shifted to either treating me more like a child, or to blatantly talking to my mum instead of directly to me, speaking about me while I was in the room as if I couldn’t understand them. 

One notable case was when a doctor responded by sending my mum out of the room, and then asking me in a hushed voice who had told me I have autism, why I think I have autism. She then proceeded to say that she thought I was “just too self aware to be autistic”. 

Another thing that happened, was that while I was seeking out therapy for my anxiety, a psychologist flat out refused to see me on the basis of me being autistic, saying that he didn’t want to deal with an autistic person, and claiming that there’d be nothing he could do for me anyway because “anxiety is just a part of autism”. 

 All in all, this was very personal to share, but I feel like its a decent case study for showcasing some of the problems people who are diagnosed with autism can run into, that might motivate someone to opt out of getting professionally/officially diagnosed. As well as a good showcase for how useful self diagnosis can be for people, as I very much doubt I’d still be around if I hadn’t been as aware of what I had going on, if I hadn’t had the knowledge to be able to help myself enough to survive. Its also an example of how doctors can be not only wrong, but also blatantly bigoted and ill informed. 

[jeanvaljean24601]

Ann Curry Talks ‘Chasing the Cure’ and Reporting in the Age of Coronavirus

It’s safe to say that “Chasing the Cure,” the acclaimed medical series that marked Ann Curry’s return to the small screen, is unlike anything else on television.

Over the course of each 90-minute episode, the TBS and TNT series used crowdsourcing and a network of doctors and specialists to try to solve various medical mysteries and help desperately ill patients suffering from undiagnosed diseases. The show asked viewers, as well as teams of physicians and experts, to come up with possible causes and treatments, and also offered up a global digital platform to facilitate an ongoing dialogue.

For Curry, best known for her stint on “Today,” it was particularly important that the program put the health and well-being of its subjects first, assisting them with getting access to care and treating their stories sensitively. Reviewers praised the program for its mixture of groundbreaking science and humanism. The series recently won a Critics Choice Real TV Award and could be an Emmy contender.

“Chasing the Cure’s” first season wrapped in October 2019, several months before the coronavirus upended life. Curry believes that COVID-19 makes the show’s mission to connect patients and healthcare providers more relevant than ever. She wants the sophomore season to focus on the search for a vaccine for the virus. She talked to Variety about journalism in the age of Trump, life after “Today,” and her reaction to “The Morning Show,” the Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Anniston drama that is set in a fictionalized morning newsroom that’s similar to the one Curry labored in for 15 years. x96 tv box

Were you concerned that a show like this was inadvertently exploiting desperately ill people instead of helping them?Absolutely, that was my first concern. There was no way that I was going to participate in something that exploited already vulnerable people. The best way to avoid doing that was to put the patient first. So we stressed finding a diagnosis and then finding ways to connect these patients to specialists. We also brought in a medical ethicist to guide us. Everything came back to accuracy and credibility and fairness.

What I find remarkable is that of the 26 patients whose stories we aired, 17 were diagnosed. Many of them had spent years suffering from an illness they could not name. That speaks to the power of television and of the internet. The technology is there to help people, but the medical community, as great as it is, has not fully harnessed it to connect the dots.

How did the medical system let people down?There are a lot of silos that block people’s access to good care and they include not having enough money and not living in a place in close proximity to the right doctors and specialists.

Your first season aired before the coronavirus pandemic. Will that change how you approach another season?

The pandemic has changed everything and suddenly what we proved we can do is in even higher demand — providing credible medical data without a political agenda and connecting people with top doctors and specialist. People want to be greater forces for good right now and we provide a platform that empowers them to do just that.

The pandemic has really sparked a lot of conversations with our producers about how we can use our storytelling skills to put a human face on a disease that we still don’t fully understand. We want to talk to the smartest minds in the world as they’re investigating this novel virus and to tell the story of their search for a vaccine in real time. We want to delve into the harsh realities that this pandemic exposes about our country, including the epidemic of poor care for minority communities. android tv box

You mentioned providing medical information without a “political agenda,” but the conversation around COVID-19 and safety precautions such as mask-wearing has become highly politicized. Has that surprised you?I’ve seen this before. This is what happened in the early years of climate change. I’ve also seen this in different ways when I’ve covered wars or genocides. That’s when you see doubts sown about the veracity of truth. People are so distrustful of our institutions and of our government that science and even morality can become politicized.

How should journalists respond to that challenge?

All you can do is strive to be trustworthy, to be credible, to be honest, and to tell the truth. I don’t think reporters should be fighting publicly with sources. There are organizations that can handle that. Journalists should just do their job. They should keep their head down and stay humble. This isn’t a job that makes you popular. Journalists have always been consider scum by politicians and presidents, even their own readers. I’m not a believer in “both side-ism.” There are certain stories that have no other side.

But let me tell you a story. My father and I would watch Walter Cronkite every night. Once in a while someone fill in for our beloved Walter. And that person would say a fact in a certain tone or they’d add an adjective and it would outrage my father. He’d shout, ‘stop telling me what to think.’ He didn’t want to be persuaded. That’s not our jobs as journalists and doing that kind of thing is disrespectful to readers and viewers. My one bias as a journalist is that our job is to illuminate and serve the public. We don’t serve the owners of a newspaper or the head of a network or the person who writes our checks or our sources. I think that’s the one acceptable bias to have for reporters.

Do you miss morning television? Would you ever return to a morning news program?I don’t miss the hours. I now recognize how much sleep I was missing. I do believe that television is a great connector. It can be an incredibly powerful medium for good. I’m always open to doing new things, so I wouldn’t close the door on [a morning show] entirely. But I want to believe that whatever job I do, I’m doing something useful. x96 max plus

Have you watched “The Morning Show”? I haven’t seen it and I purposely made that decision. I love Reese and Jennifer, I applaud their motivation in making the series and support their mission to tell the stories of women, but I just didn’t feel like I needed to watch it.

COVID-19 is touching so many people directly. Do you think that the pandemic will make people more empathetic and more sympathetic to people who live with illness and disease? I don’t know what the longterm impact will be. I don’t think it’s the last epidemic we’ll face, though hopefully it is the last pandemic we will face. I do hope there is an awakening, because we all get sick. It is not something foreign to me and it’s probably not an alien experience for you.

With “Chasing the Cure” we told some pretty painful stories — stories that could be hard to watch. But we weren’t trying to exploit suffering. We wanted to empower people and celebrate hero doctors, hero patients, and hero viewers.

[tcdarkeststorms]

ID Invaded AU - The Brilliant Surgeon

ID Invaded AU:

Prisoner Erhard Muller, was imprisoned for the bioterrorism attack of Cumberland college… In exchange, he’s been drafted to become part of an experimental case for the organization of Caduceus.

Diagnose the patient’s mysterious illness, find a cure… and save the world.

By dropping into the patient’s IDwell, a mysterious world generated by their mind and memories, he can become the Brilliant Surgeon, deducing symptoms and connecting the pieces.

- Upon entering the IDWell, he loses his memories, instead being replaced with an infinite well of medical knowledge and skills at his disposal. 

- There is always a mysterious young patient, who needs his help every time. She goes simply by the name Monarch, a young girl who is always gravely ill or injured, depending on how severe the case is. Sometimes her injuries appear self inflicted, or she’s been ill for a long time. It’s up to the good doctor to save her.

- By remembering her and knowing her name, he becomes the Brilliant Surgeon known as CR-S01. While he knows nothing of his past, he knows his purpose - to cure Monarch and solve the case!

- By following his lead, the doctors of Caduceus rush to try to save the patients that Monarch’s form takes on the characteristics of. Though in truth, she has no personality, it is up to whoever is the brilliant surgeon to project that onto her.

- After each case is solved, Erhard is taken back to his cell, that is covered in photographs of his loved ones… He vows, one day he’s going to find them again, no matter how many times they have to inject him into the Idwell.

Even if it kills him...

- As time goes on, he goes up against stranger and stranger cases, at one point encountering a truly difficult disease… A disease, that is known as GUILT.

- On the outside, a young doctor by the name of Derek Stiles, is impressed by the workings of the strange young man, who’s using the Mizuhanome so well and for such an incredible purpose. He wonders to his superior what it would be like to enter the Idwell himself. They  scoff and warn him he wouldn’t be able to handle it. To focus on his own duties, they have a warehouse to investigate.

- During one of these cases, CR-S01, uncovers a small outbreak of different patients, all infected with different variations of GUILT… and it’s a struggle to treat each one of them. He wants to treat Monarch first but she refuses…

- In the real world, Derek is struggling and runs back to another ambulance for supplies, but is ambushed… Only thing found at the scene is his glasses…

Derek’s been abducted by the same organization who’s creating the GUILT pathogens and causing others to become infected.

- He awakens in a strange facility, dazed from the sedation drugs. The area is dark, he can’t see very well without his glasses. The only light on him is the operating room light, shining down on him. He tries to get up but realizes he’s trapped.

- A doctor in strange orange and black garb, approaches him, her face hidden by her surgical mask.

“Well, well, who do we have here?”

“Dr. Weaver, this is the one we found interfering with our work.”

Derek’s struggle only intensifies as this strange doctor approaches him. 

“Look! You can’t keep me here!”

- She informs him, it’s his choice. He could give up and let the organization continue their tests and cleanse human kind… or he could become another cog to the machine. Another Sinner… To give into the Bliss… To tell them exactly what they want to know so they could further take down Caduceus.

- To further mock him, there’s not much choice. Let her jab him with the autoinjector that would infect him, or give in… Instead, he gets an idea.

“You wanna see what we’ve been doing? How about I show you instead!”

- At HQ, a new IDwell opens up… CR-S01 is immediately transferred in. It’s a chaotic Idwell, filled with strange creatures, that resemble the pathogens he’s been battling up to this point. 

In the center of the IDwell is Monarch, prone on an operating table, convulsing from her ailment.

- There’s no time to waste, on either end, as they get to work deciphering the locations, that the cognition particles picked up at the scene create. In the IDWell, CR-S01 is horrified at the state of Monarch’s internal organs when he opens her up.

- Everything, is being ravaged in perfect synch. From her liver, to her lungs…She doesn’t have much time. The pathogens are working perfect synch to kill her.

It’s with much resignation that he proceeds with the operation, vowing that no matter what he was going to save her!

- On Derek’s end, he’s in agony. His form convulsing like crazy, from the shock of it all and the pain… It’s like nothing he’s ever felt… Under it all, is those strange chill that overtakes his body. 

“Well? What do you say…?”

“Jus’... jus’ kill me… PLEASE!” 

He’s too out of it to realize there’s hesitation… Instead, Dr. Weaver injects something into him as the pain and cold starts to ebb away… The last thing he can hear is her telling her assistant to prepare for an emergency procedure.

He can’t process why she’s helping him NOW…

- CR-S01 completes the procedure, just as Caduceus finally discovers Derek… and arrests Dr. Weaver. Her accomplice gets away, but they have their “main culprit.” at least…

Or so they think.

As CR-S01 prepares to exit the IDwell, he notes a strange figure… A figure whom he can’t see the face of.

The other doctors are concerned… That figure being all too familiar…

Adam.

[whitestonetherapy]

Psychosis... (1.8.19)

A few weeks ago I attended a training day run by the International Society for Psychological and Social approaches to Psychosis (ISPS).  

Professor John Read from the University of East London gave a talk on the causes and treatment of psychosis.

There certainly is a difference of opinion as to whether psychosocial or biological factors play the largest part in causing psychosis.  Is psychosis triggered by environmental factors?  Or should treatment be seen entirely as a medical issue requiring psychiatrist prescriptions and pills? I think it's fair to say John seemed pretty cynical about the latter...

The DSM-5 Manual tells us that the key features of psychotic disorders include: delusions, hallucinations, thought disorders (disorganisation etc), Catatonia, disorganized motor behaviour, other 'negative symptoms' (e.g diminished emotional expression).  For a diagnosis often only one or two criterion need to be present.  This means, says John, that categorisations (and diagnoses) are actually pretty scientifically meaningless.  We could fill a room with people given the same diagnosis whose personal experience differ wildly.  Some people may have one symptom but not others, and others have different symptoms altogether - yet we call it the same thing.  (aside:- I'm pretty sympathetic to this more generally.  I've met a lot of people who share a diagnosis - various disorders - whose experiences and symptoms seem to be completely different.)  

A bit of context and history is needed to understand how we arrived here. Outside of our own culture, hearing voices is often accepted as an ordinary part of life (ancestors talking to you etc). In some cultures significant value and meaning is attributed to being able to hear voices.  But in western society it was (and still is) increasing assumed that hearing of voices has no meaning and needs urgent correction.  

The German doctor Emil Kraepelin (1856-1926) was the first person to define schizophrenia, and he attributed the symptoms entirely to biology - a genetic malfunction.  The definition was refined by Paul Bleuler in 1908, but the fundamental belief remained that psychosis was an organic illness that could be inherited.  Although psychotic disorders (along with other mental health disorders) have often been framed this way all throughout the 20th century, the public seem to feel quite differently about it.

Studies have regularly shown that people believe it is psychosocial factors - rather than inherited biology - that are the main cause of mental health problems.  And those with a psychosis-related diagnosis feel this even more strongly.  In a study by Murray & Dean (2008), 97% of respondents with a diagnosis rejected the 'medical model' explanation of their experience (biology) and instead placed importance on psychosocial factors.  That's a huge percentage, and John pointed out that  elements of the psychiatry profession sought to dismiss this finding as due to 'a lack of insight' on the part of respondents. Their response was pathologised as evidence of 'anosognosia'!

In fact, a study carried out in 2004 (Kingdon et at.) found that of 2813 psychiatrists surveyed,  50.8% considered causation of schizophrenia to be exclusively biological, more than the 48.6% who felt this is a balance between biology and social factors.  Only a tiny percentage felt causation was down to psychosocial factors only.  

So we see a real divergence between how people with a diagnosis actually feel about their condition, and the views of psychiatrists.

Despite the view held by professionals that schizophrenia is biological, studies trying to identify the genes responsible have so far drawn a blank .  Steven Hamilton ran a meta-study in 2008 found no statistical significance (save what would be expected by chance) that any suspected genes are responsible for development of psychosis.  There does not appear to be a schizophrenia gene.  

On the other hand...there is a lot of evidence showing that other psychosocial factors are correlated with developing psychosis.  Eaton (1980) established through research that poverty is the strongest predictor for the development of schizophrenia (with deprived children 7 times more likely to get a diagnosis).  

The link between economic factors and mental illness is established in research (Wilkinson & Pickett, 2009), and John Read himself wrote a paper on the link between socio-economic status and schizophrenia (2011).

Another strong predictor is ethnicity.  Ethnic minorities living in any country are far more likely to develop a psychotic condition and receive a diagnosis.  A Study by Fearon et. al. (2006) found that black Afro-Caribbeans living in the UK were 9 times more likely to develop schizophrenia or experience psychosis.  

Other causal factors identified by research include:  broken attachments (loss of a parent etc) - one study shows those whose mother is not present are 2 to 3 times more likely to experience psychosis.  Abuse (physical / emotional) is a strong indicator, where one study showed victims of abuse 18 times more likely to develop psychosis (Shevlin et. al, 2007).  Child abuse is a really pronounced predictor. Neglect, bullying and other environmental factors are all more likely to be present in the lives of those who  experience psychosis.  This doesn't necessarily establish causation but does show that many of these factors are present in the personal histories of those experiencing psychosis.

What about the implications of this for treatment?  With 95% of those diagnosed with psychosis given medicine straight away, John Read argued we should be using medicine as a last - not first - resort.  He believes talking-therapies should be given primacy. He pointed to the Cochrane review of the drug Risperidone (2010), in which it was shown to have little more effect than a placebo.  With a set of side-effects including reduced brain size and a shorter life span I found that quite shocking to hear....  Other side effects are not great day-to-day either:  drowsiness, loss of motivation, slow thoughts, difficulty concentrating etc.  I wouldn't go as far as John, but it's important that his research is not drowned out by the pharmaceutical companies who make the drugs.

Alarmingly, of the top 50 websites on schizophrenia (based on search engine results), 58% were found to have received funding from drug companies (Read, 2008).  It's important to be aware there are vested interests at play here....  And these websites (surprise surprise) do emphasise a biological/medical model for understanding schizophrenia. John also makes the point that many psychiatric journals are funded by drug companies.  

In terms of treatment: John argued that a medical / pill-focused model is insufficient to address the social and environmental factors that are often present for those with a diagnosis. I wrote in my post Integration... (1.7.19)  that there are many ways that talking-therapies can approach a complex situation.  Personal histories including difficulties such as the ones I outlined above can be approached in a lot of ways by therapists.  To name just a few a psychotherapist might choose between approaches like: cognitive, psychodynamic, focusing on dissociation, traumagenic neurodevelopmental, attachment-based etc.  All offer a way of working with someone - a way of conceptualising their world.

What I really took from this is the key, simple point:  the brain responds to the environment, therefore environmental changes can also change the brain.  What use would you brain be if it didn't do this?  

Therefore we should focus even more on what we know 'works' in talking-therapy.  This might include CBT to help with symptom management, and this has been shown to be very effective.  But longer term therapy focusing on quality, sustained relationships are also really important - just as they would be for any group of people with complex lives.

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