#Throughout the Darkest Storms Blog

[kathbigaran]

Positividade Manifesto

I have always held a deep-seated belief in the transformative power of positivity, understanding its ability to turn even the darkest moments into opportunities for growth and connection. In a world that often feels like a rollercoaster of highs and lows, I have sought solace and inspiration in this simple yet profound principle. Upon reviewing the blog entries I have posted throughout the semester, I noticed a recurring theme of positivity woven into many of them. Recognizing this pattern, I decided to have positivity as the central theme for my manifesto. I named it the “Positividade Manifesto,” drawing from the Portuguese word “positividade” as a nod to my Brazilian heritage. This word holds a special meaning for me, encapsulating the essence of positivity in my native language and reflecting my connection to the theme. The song I chose for the representative work is a perfect example of being positive. Avicii’s song “The Nights” has an upbeat melody and inspiring lyrics that serve as a reminder to seize the day and make the most of every opportunity. Growing up, I often yearned for the future, eager to embark on new adventures and chase my dreams. However, as I have gotten older, I have realized the importance of living in the present moment and cherishing the experiences that shape who we are. Similarly, Rufino Tamayo’s abstract masterpiece “The Children’s Game,” which I chose for the abstract images post, evokes a sense of nostalgia and wonder, reminding me of the joy and innocence of childhood. As a child, I spent countless hours playing games with friends, lost in the moment and free from the world’s worries. Looking back, I realize that those moments of pure joy were some of the happiest of my life, and while writing about this artwork, I felt an urge for positivity as I reminisced about the joy and innocence of being a child. In poetic license, I spoke about D.A. Powell’s poem “Positivity.” Through his evocative imagery and lyrical prose, Powell reminds us to find joy in the present moment and embrace life’s wonders. As I reflect on my own experiences, I am struck by the realization that happiness is not something to be chased or pursued—it is something that exists within us, waiting to be discovered and embraced. For my plotting, I wrote about an unexpected beach day marred by a sudden storm, which perfectly encapsulates the essence of positivity amidst adversity. Despite the disappointment of disrupted plans, I embraced the unpredictability of the weather with resilience and optimism. Last but not least, for the post on public art, I wrote about the “Shower of Blossoms” at the Physicians Regional Medical Center in Naples, FL, which exemplifies the theme of positivity through its impact on the hospital environment. Despite the challenging circumstances patients and their families face in the ICU, the artwork serves as a beacon of hope and renewal. In my life, I have realized that positivity is more than just an emotion; it is a guiding concept that shapes how we traverse the world. Even under challenging circumstances, approaching life with optimism can provide strength, resilience, and joy. In a world that is frequently uncertain, it is comforting to know that happiness is something we can cultivate within ourselves.

[akashasananda]

Unlocking the Power of Gratitude with Shekinah Ma: Practical Tips for Spiritual Living

In a world often consumed by the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy to overlook the profound impact that gratitude can have on our spiritual well-being. Gratitude, the simple act of acknowledging and appreciating the blessings in our lives, holds the key to unlocking a deeper sense of fulfillment and connection to the world around us. In this blog, we'll explore practical tips by spiritual teachers such as Shekinah Ma for cultivating gratitude in our daily lives and harnessing its transformative power for spiritual growth. TwinRay

Cultivating a Gratitude Practice

Establishing a daily gratitude practice under the guidance of spiritual teachers such as Shekinah Ma is essential for fostering a mindset of appreciation and abundance. Begin each day by reflecting on three things you're grateful for, whether it's a beautiful sunrise, a supportive friend, or a moment of peace amidst chaos. Writing these down in a journal can solidify your commitment to gratitude and serve as a tangible reminder of life's blessings. As you continue this practice, you'll find that gratitude becomes second nature, permeating every aspect of your life with positivity and grace.

Shifting Perspective

Often, it's not our circumstances that determine our level of happiness, but rather our perspective on them. By consciously shifting our focus from what's lacking to what's abundant in our lives, we can cultivate a profound sense of gratitude. When faced with challenges or setbacks, reframing them as opportunities for growth and learning can help us find silver linings even in the darkest of clouds. Embracing a mindset of gratitude doesn't mean denying the existence of difficulties; rather, it empowers us to find strength and resilience in the face of adversity. TwinRay

Expressing Gratitude to Others

Just as gratitude enriches our own lives, expressing appreciation to others can have a ripple effect, spreading joy and positivity throughout our communities. Take the time to thank those who have made a difference in your life, whether it's a kind stranger, a supportive family member, or a dedicated coworker. A simple thank-you note or heartfelt gesture can brighten someone's day and deepen your connections with those around you. In cultivating a culture of gratitude, we not only uplift others but also strengthen our own sense of interconnectedness and belonging.

Practicing Mindfulness

Mindfulness, the practice of being fully present in the moment without judgment, is closely intertwined with gratitude. By slowing down and savoring the simple pleasures of life, we can cultivate a deeper appreciation for the beauty and wonder that surrounds us. Whether it's sipping a cup of tea, taking a leisurely walk in nature, or enjoying a quiet moment of meditation, incorporating mindfulness into our daily routines under the guidance of spiritual teachers such as Shekinah Ma can enhance our capacity for gratitude and spiritual fulfillment.

Gratitude in Adversity

In times of adversity, finding reasons to be grateful may seem challenging, if not impossible. However, it's during these dark moments that practicing gratitude becomes even more crucial. Rather than dwelling on what's gone wrong, focus on the silver linings and blessings that still remain. Perhaps it's the strength you've gained from overcoming past challenges, the love and support of friends and family, or the opportunity for personal growth and resilience. By embracing gratitude in the face of adversity, we can navigate life's storms with courage, grace, and a sense of hope.

Gratitude as a Daily Ritual

Integrating gratitude into our daily rituals can help reinforce its importance in our lives. Whether it's offering a silent prayer of thanks before meals, keeping a gratitude jar where family members can jot down moments of appreciation, or ending each day with a reflection on the blessings received, establishing these rituals creates a sacred space for gratitude to flourish. By making gratitude a priority in our daily routines under the guidance of spiritual teachers such as Shekinah Ma, we cultivate a deeper sense of awareness and appreciation for the abundance that surrounds us.

Cultivating Gratitude Through Service

One of the most profound ways to cultivate gratitude is through acts of service to others. Whether it's volunteering at a local charity, lending a helping hand to a neighbor in need, or simply offering a listening ear to someone going through a difficult time, acts of service remind us of the interconnectedness of humanity and the power of compassion. In giving of ourselves, we not only make a positive impact on the lives of others but also deepen our own sense of gratitude for the blessings we've been given.  

Incorporating gratitude into our daily lives is not merely a spiritual practice but a transformative way of being. By cultivating a mindset of appreciation, shifting our perspective, expressing gratitude to others, practicing mindfulness, and finding reasons to be grateful even in adversity under the guidance of spiritual teachers such as Shekinah Ma, we can unlock the power of gratitude and experience greater joy, fulfillment, and spiritual connection. Let us embrace the gift of gratitude and allow it to illuminate our path toward a more meaningful and purposeful existence.

[aimeecabo]

From Adversity to Triumph: Using the Power of Love to Heal with Aimee Cabo

In the face of adversity, the human spirit often finds solace and strength in the most unexpected places. Throughout history, tales of resilience and triumph have underscored the profound impact of love in navigating life's challenges. Whether it's overcoming personal loss, battling illness, or enduring societal injustices, the power of love has shown its ability to heal wounds and ignite the flames of hope. In this blog, we delve into the transformative journey from adversity to triumph with the help of experts like Aimee Cabo, exploring how the unyielding force of love can be a beacon of light in the darkest of times.

Embracing Vulnerability: The First Step Towards Healing

In moments of despair, it's natural to shield ourselves from the pain by building emotional walls. However, true healing often begins with the courage to embrace vulnerability. It's through this raw authenticity that we allow love to penetrate our defenses and mend our brokenness. Opening up to loved ones or seeking professional support creates a nurturing environment where healing can flourish. By acknowledging our pain and seeking connection with the help of experts like Aimee Cabo, we pave the way for the transformative power of love to take root.

As we navigate the labyrinth of emotions, it's essential to cultivate self-compassion. Treating ourselves with kindness and understanding lays the foundation for healing from within. Instead of harsh self-judgment, we learn to extend the same grace to ourselves that we readily offer others. This self-love becomes a guiding light, illuminating the path towards healing and self-discovery.

Building Resilient Bonds: The Strength of Community

In times of adversity, the support of a loving community can be a lifeline. Whether it's family, friends, or a network of like-minded individuals, the bonds we forge with others provide sustenance for the soul. Coming together in solidarity, we share our burdens and amplify each other's strengths. The collective power of love within a community becomes a formidable force against the tide of adversity.

Within these nurturing relationships, empathy serves as a bridge that connects hearts across shared experiences. By listening without judgment and offering a compassionate ear under the guidance of experts like Aimee Cabo, we validate each other's struggles and reinforce the belief that we are not alone. In the embrace of a supportive community, wounds are not just healed but transformed into sources of resilience and wisdom.

Cultivating Gratitude: Finding Light in the Darkness

In the darkest of times, cultivating gratitude can be a beacon of light that guides us through the storm. Despite the challenges we face, there are always blessings to be found if we train our eyes to see them. Gratitude shifts our focus from what's lacking to what's abundant in our lives, fostering a sense of contentment and inner peace.

Practicing gratitude is not about denying the pain or minimizing our struggles but rather acknowledging the beauty that coexists alongside the hardships. It's in the moments of stillness and reflection that we uncover the silver linings hidden within the clouds of adversity. By counting our blessings and expressing appreciation for the love that surrounds us under the guidance of experts like Aimee Cabo, we invite more positivity and abundance into our lives.

Forgiveness: Liberating the Heart from Resentment

Forgiveness is a profound act of self-love and empowerment that frees us from the chains of resentment and bitterness. When we hold onto grudges and harbor resentment towards others, we inadvertently imprison ourselves in a cycle of pain and negativity. However, by choosing to forgive, we release the burden of anger and reclaim our inner peace. Forgiveness does not mean condoning the actions of others but rather liberating ourselves from the toxic emotions that weigh us down. It's a courageous choice that opens the door to healing and allows love to flow freely within our hearts.

In the journey towards forgiveness, self-reflection plays a crucial role in understanding the root causes of our hurt and acknowledging our own role in the situation. By taking responsibility for our emotions and actions, we reclaim our power and break free from the victim mentality. Through empathy and compassion, we recognize the humanity in others and extend the olive branch of forgiveness, paving the way for reconciliation and healing.

Resilience: Harnessing Inner Strength in the Face of Adversity

Resilience is the backbone of triumph, the unwavering spirit that rises from the ashes of adversity. It's the ability to bounce back from setbacks, to adapt to change, and to find meaning in the midst of chaos. While adversity may bend us, it does not have the power to break us unless we allow it. Resilience is cultivated through perseverance, courage, and a belief in our own inherent strength.

At the core of resilience lies a growth mindset that views challenges as opportunities for growth and transformation. Instead of being overwhelmed by obstacles, resilient individuals approach them with a sense of curiosity and optimism, knowing that every setback is a stepping stone towards personal evolution. By nurturing resilience within ourselves and others with the help of experts like Aimee Cabo, we become beacons of hope in times of darkness, inspiring others to embrace their own journey of triumph over adversity.  

In the tapestry of human experience, adversity serves as a crucible through which we are forged anew. Yet, it's the transformative power of love that stitches together the broken pieces and weaves a narrative of triumph. By embracing vulnerability, building resilient bonds, and cultivating gratitude, we harness the inherent resilience of the human spirit. As we navigate the tumultuous seas of life, let us remember that love is not just a fleeting emotion but a steadfast companion that guides us from darkness into the radiant dawn of triumph.

[guidedlawgen]

Navigating Legal Storms: The Crucial Role of a Criminal defence lawyer

In the complex realm of criminal law, the need for a skilled and experienced criminal defence lawyer cannot be overstated. When facing legal challenges, individuals require more than just legal representation; they need an advocate who will tirelessly defend their rights and navigate the intricacies of the legal system. In this blog post, we explore the indispensable role of a criminal defence lawyer, shedding light on their duties, expertise, and the invaluable support they provide to individuals in their darkest hours.

Guardians of Constitutional Rights:

Criminal defence lawyers serve as the frontline defenders of constitutional rights. Whether an individual is facing charges of theft, assault, or a more serious offense, these legal professionals are committed to ensuring that the accused are treated fairly and that their rights, as guaranteed by the constitution, are upheld throughout the legal process. This includes the right to a fair trial, the right to legal representation, and protection against unreasonable searches and seizures.

Navigating the Legal Landscape:

The legal system can be labyrinthine, with intricate rules, procedures, and nuances that may confound individuals unfamiliar with its workings. Criminal defence lawyers possess an in-depth understanding of this legal landscape. From the gathering of evidence to presenting a compelling defense in court, these legal experts guide their clients through each step, offering clarity and expertise during a challenging and often stressful time.

Strategic Defense Planning:

Crafting a strategic defense is a hallmark of a skilled criminal defence lawyer. They meticulously analyze the facts of the case, identify potential legal precedents, and develop a robust defense strategy tailored to the unique circumstances of each case. This strategic approach aims to secure the best possible outcome for their clients, whether through negotiation, dismissal of charges, or favorable plea bargains.

Protection Against Unjust Prosecution:

Facing criminal charges can be a daunting experience, especially when confronted by a zealous prosecution. Criminal defence lawyers act as a shield against unjust prosecution, ensuring that their clients are not unfairly targeted or subjected to overzealous law enforcement practices. Their role is to challenge evidence, question witnesses, and hold the prosecution accountable to uphold the principles of justice.

Negotiation and Plea Bargaining:

Not all cases go to trial, and skilled criminal defence lawyers are adept at negotiating with prosecutors to secure favorable outcomes for their clients. Whether through reduced charges, minimized penalties, or alternative sentencing options, these negotiations require finesse and legal acumen. The goal is to achieve the best possible resolution for the client, taking into account their individual circumstances.

Emotional Support and Guidance:

Beyond the legal aspects, criminal defence lawyers often provide much-needed emotional support and guidance. Navigating the criminal justice system can be emotionally taxing, and having a dedicated advocate by one's side helps alleviate anxiety and uncertainty. Effective communication, empathy, and a commitment to the well-being of their clients are defining traits of a compassionate criminal defence lawyer.

In times of legal turmoil, a criminal defence lawyer is a beacon of hope and a steadfast advocate for those facing criminal charges. Their expertise, dedication, and unwavering commitment to justice make them indispensable in safeguarding the rights and freedoms of individuals. If you find yourself entangled in the complexities of criminal law, seeking the counsel of a reputable criminal defence lawyer is not just a legal necessity; it is a crucial step towards ensuring a fair and just resolution to your case.

[to-be-a-better-human]

Hope is Eternal: The Everlasting Flame of Resilience

In the darkest corners of our lives, when despair seems overwhelming and the weight of the world threatens to crush our spirits, hope emerges as a guiding light. It is the ember that refuses to die out, the beacon that beckons us forward, and the elixir that revitalizes our weary souls. Hope is not a fleeting emotion; rather, it is an eternal force that resides within each of us, waiting to be kindled and nurtured. In this blog post, we will explore the profound concept that hope is indeed eternal and dive into the ways in which it influences our lives, empowering us to overcome adversity with unwavering resilience.

The Nature of Hope

Hope is a complex emotion, a delicate balance of desire and expectation that fuels our dreams and aspirations. It is the belief that something better lies ahead, even when the present moment appears bleak. Hope is not merely a passive feeling; it is an active force that motivates us to take action, make choices, and pursue our goals.

Hope often arises in the face of adversity, when life presents challenges that seem insurmountable. It is during these moments that hope's true power is revealed. Rather than succumbing to despair, we find the strength to persevere, to adapt, and to grow. Hope is the catalyst for change, the driving force that propels us forward when all else seems lost.

The Everlasting Flame

Hope's eternal nature can be likened to a flame that burns within us. It may flicker in the face of adversity, but it never truly extinguishes. This enduring quality of hope is what makes it a vital and indispensable aspect of the human experience.

Consider the story of Nelson Mandela, who spent 27 years in prison during South Africa's apartheid era. Throughout his captivity, hope burned bright within him. He refused to let bitterness consume him, instead using his time to learn, reflect, and plan for a better future. Mandela's hope was not just a passive wish; it was a powerful force that drove him to persevere, advocate for justice, and ultimately, lead his nation towards reconciliation.

In our own lives, we may encounter personal trials, such as health challenges, career setbacks, or the loss of loved ones. It is precisely during these moments that hope becomes our most valuable ally. The belief that we can overcome adversity, heal from our wounds, and rebuild our lives is what keeps us going. Hope whispers in our hearts that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long that tunnel may be.

The Role of Empathy in Fostering Hope

Empathy plays a significant role in nurturing hope, both in ourselves and in others. When we extend empathy to those who are struggling, we acknowledge their pain and suffering. This acknowledgment is a powerful validation of their experiences and feelings. It reminds them that they are not alone in their struggles, and it kindles the flame of hope within them.

When we share our own stories of overcoming adversity, we inspire hope in others. Our experiences serve as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and demonstrate that even in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges, hope can prevail.

Moreover, empathetic listening can be a lifeline for those who are grappling with despair. By actively listening to their concerns and offering a compassionate ear, we create a safe space for them to express their emotions. This act of empathy can provide solace and rekindle their hope that they can weather the storm and emerge stronger on the other side.

Hope in the Face of Collective Challenges

Hope is not limited to individual struggles; it also plays a pivotal role in addressing collective challenges and societal issues. In times of crisis, whether it be a global pandemic, environmental catastrophe, or social injustice, hope serves as a catalyst for collective action.

Consider the global response to the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite the fear, uncertainty, and loss that swept the world, hope emerged as a unifying force. Scientists and healthcare workers worked tirelessly to develop vaccines, governments implemented public health measures, and communities came together to support one another. This collective response was driven by the hope that, together, we could overcome the pandemic and return to a sense of normalcy.

Similarly, hope has played a central role in movements for social justice and equality. Activists and advocates throughout history have carried the torch of hope, believing that change is possible. Their unwavering hope has led to transformative shifts in society, from civil rights advancements to gender equality initiatives.

Cultivating Hope in Daily Life

While hope may be eternal, it requires nurturing and cultivation in our daily lives. Here are some ways to foster and strengthen the flame of hope:

Practice gratitude: Reflect on the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small they may seem. Gratitude can shift your focus from what is lacking to what you have, reinforcing hope.

Set realistic goals: Break down your aspirations into manageable steps and celebrate your progress along the way. Achieving small victories can boost your confidence and keep hope alive.

Seek support: Connect with friends, family, or support groups that can offer encouragement and understanding during difficult times. Sharing your burdens with others can help you maintain hope.

Engage in self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. A healthy body and mind are better equipped to sustain hope.

Maintain a positive mindset: Challenge negative thought patterns and replace them with more optimistic ones. Cultivating a positive outlook can fuel hope even in challenging circumstances.

Embrace uncertainty: Understand that life is inherently uncertain, and setbacks are a part of the journey. Embracing uncertainty can help you adapt and keep hope alive in the face of unexpected challenges.

Hope is indeed eternal, a flame that burns within us even in the darkest of times. It is the force that propels us forward, the light that guides us through adversity, and the belief that a better future is possible. Empathy, both for ourselves and for others, plays a crucial role in nurturing and sustaining hope.

As we navigate the ups and downs of life, let us remember that hope is not a passive emotion but an active force for change. It is the resilient spirit that refuses to surrender, the voice that whispers, "You can overcome this," and the enduring belief that, no matter how tough the road may be, there is always hope on the horizon.

[tcdarkeststorms]

ID Invaded AU - The Brilliant Surgeon

ID Invaded AU:

Prisoner Erhard Muller, was imprisoned for the bioterrorism attack of Cumberland college… In exchange, he’s been drafted to become part of an experimental case for the organization of Caduceus.

Diagnose the patient’s mysterious illness, find a cure… and save the world.

By dropping into the patient’s IDwell, a mysterious world generated by their mind and memories, he can become the Brilliant Surgeon, deducing symptoms and connecting the pieces.

- Upon entering the IDWell, he loses his memories, instead being replaced with an infinite well of medical knowledge and skills at his disposal. 

- There is always a mysterious young patient, who needs his help every time. She goes simply by the name Monarch, a young girl who is always gravely ill or injured, depending on how severe the case is. Sometimes her injuries appear self inflicted, or she’s been ill for a long time. It’s up to the good doctor to save her.

- By remembering her and knowing her name, he becomes the Brilliant Surgeon known as CR-S01. While he knows nothing of his past, he knows his purpose - to cure Monarch and solve the case!

- By following his lead, the doctors of Caduceus rush to try to save the patients that Monarch’s form takes on the characteristics of. Though in truth, she has no personality, it is up to whoever is the brilliant surgeon to project that onto her.

- After each case is solved, Erhard is taken back to his cell, that is covered in photographs of his loved ones… He vows, one day he’s going to find them again, no matter how many times they have to inject him into the Idwell.

Even if it kills him...

- As time goes on, he goes up against stranger and stranger cases, at one point encountering a truly difficult disease… A disease, that is known as GUILT.

- On the outside, a young doctor by the name of Derek Stiles, is impressed by the workings of the strange young man, who’s using the Mizuhanome so well and for such an incredible purpose. He wonders to his superior what it would be like to enter the Idwell himself. They  scoff and warn him he wouldn’t be able to handle it. To focus on his own duties, they have a warehouse to investigate.

- During one of these cases, CR-S01, uncovers a small outbreak of different patients, all infected with different variations of GUILT… and it’s a struggle to treat each one of them. He wants to treat Monarch first but she refuses…

- In the real world, Derek is struggling and runs back to another ambulance for supplies, but is ambushed… Only thing found at the scene is his glasses…

Derek’s been abducted by the same organization who’s creating the GUILT pathogens and causing others to become infected.

- He awakens in a strange facility, dazed from the sedation drugs. The area is dark, he can’t see very well without his glasses. The only light on him is the operating room light, shining down on him. He tries to get up but realizes he’s trapped.

- A doctor in strange orange and black garb, approaches him, her face hidden by her surgical mask.

“Well, well, who do we have here?”

“Dr. Weaver, this is the one we found interfering with our work.”

Derek’s struggle only intensifies as this strange doctor approaches him. 

“Look! You can’t keep me here!”

- She informs him, it’s his choice. He could give up and let the organization continue their tests and cleanse human kind… or he could become another cog to the machine. Another Sinner… To give into the Bliss… To tell them exactly what they want to know so they could further take down Caduceus.

- To further mock him, there’s not much choice. Let her jab him with the autoinjector that would infect him, or give in… Instead, he gets an idea.

“You wanna see what we’ve been doing? How about I show you instead!”

- At HQ, a new IDwell opens up… CR-S01 is immediately transferred in. It’s a chaotic Idwell, filled with strange creatures, that resemble the pathogens he’s been battling up to this point. 

In the center of the IDwell is Monarch, prone on an operating table, convulsing from her ailment.

- There’s no time to waste, on either end, as they get to work deciphering the locations, that the cognition particles picked up at the scene create. In the IDWell, CR-S01 is horrified at the state of Monarch’s internal organs when he opens her up.

- Everything, is being ravaged in perfect synch. From her liver, to her lungs…She doesn’t have much time. The pathogens are working perfect synch to kill her.

It’s with much resignation that he proceeds with the operation, vowing that no matter what he was going to save her!

- On Derek’s end, he’s in agony. His form convulsing like crazy, from the shock of it all and the pain… It’s like nothing he’s ever felt… Under it all, is those strange chill that overtakes his body. 

“Well? What do you say…?”

“Jus’... jus’ kill me… PLEASE!” 

He’s too out of it to realize there’s hesitation… Instead, Dr. Weaver injects something into him as the pain and cold starts to ebb away… The last thing he can hear is her telling her assistant to prepare for an emergency procedure.

He can’t process why she’s helping him NOW…

- CR-S01 completes the procedure, just as Caduceus finally discovers Derek… and arrests Dr. Weaver. Her accomplice gets away, but they have their “main culprit.” at least…

Or so they think.

As CR-S01 prepares to exit the IDwell, he notes a strange figure… A figure whom he can’t see the face of.

The other doctors are concerned… That figure being all too familiar…

Adam.

[moonbeam27]

November 21

Happy Saturday my friends. I deeply apologize for my absence. I will try to upload OnlyFans messages if I can, so you will have details about the last month or so.

Long story short, everything combined in a perfect storm where it impacted my mental health. Getting out of bed and eating was a good thing on some days.

I am doing much better now after multiple doctor visits, counseling visits, and visits with lawyers. I feel I have a team in place to support me through the upcoming challenges as well.

During my darkest hours, I thought of my son's needs and family and of my friends in OnlyFans and Tumblr. Knowing that I am "accountable" to you was one thing that helped me sleep through the night and get up the next day. I have struggled with suicide throughout my life for years as I have written before, but this October was the closest I have come in feeling that I should just die.

I have learned that when the suicidal thoughts are so strong, often it is because my hormones are out of balance. So my rational brain prevailed. I am so grateful for my Tumblr and OnlyFans community. It was such an accident that I even have this blog. Me, a person who doesn't like attention or standing out.. 🤷

I began my blog for many reasons, one is journalling helps to heal and organize your thoughts and hopefully by being transparent those who find me are benefited by my experiencs. Another reason is because I was leaning who I AM. Learning to see me as who I am and want to be. I had hated taking pictures of myself and had body dysmorphia. Being this vulnerable is SCARY! There have been people that are unkind or crude and vulgar in their communication and dishonest with the use of my photos. But those are rare exceptions. The majority of people I have interacted here have been so supportive, kind, and often understanding. ♥️

When I go back through my blog, I can see the growth and changes in me physically and spiritually. I am still a work in progress as we all are.

I think I have found a new way to grow and give back, so when I figure it out, I will let you know. #gratitude

I will try to post here more frequently, but do give priority to my OnlyFans blog because my friends there have subscribed.

I hope all is well with you. Keep your chin up, each day brings beauty and opportunity for joy. It is always where we focus. ♥️♥️♥️

[swtorramblings]

Novels & Drabbles & Short Stories

It’s going to take some time, but I’m going to start trying to get actual stories organized and linked to here. Wish me luck. The whole blog is a terrible mess, as are my local notes. Also links to my legacy pages, as it is ostensibly my SWTOR blog, and ships for asks.

In case it wasn’t obvious from the icon and the banner, lots of Vaylin and Tirall shenanigans throughout the blog. Be warned.

Stories

I Shall Save Myself - First Draft

I Shall Save Myself - Second Draft

The Last Gunslinger of Zakuul

Commander Thexan

The Darkest Throne

Knights: A Disney Musical

Not Enough

Commander Iresso

Vaylin: Spirit of Vengeance

anon vaylin

SW POC Positivity Project

Vaylin Related One-Shots

The Ghost and Mara Jade

Masks

The Smuggler and the Sith

Young Theron, Agent of the Alliance

Sith Science

Dark Side City

Empress Senya

Knights of the Emotional Spectrum

Bonds

Second Chances

NPC Rescue Mission

Dragons of Zakuul

The Soldier and the Storm

Vâkarra and Vaylin

Legacies

Ordannes (SF)

Deztine (SS)

Foralny (DM)

Kildari (TL)

Kyldayr (TH)

Other Games

Final Fantasy XIV

Neverwinter

Guild Wars 2

Miscellany

Ships

Special Birthday Vaylin

[dreamstormdragon]

Writeblr Life: About Me

A’ight, let’s get this show on the road!

My name is Storm Arashi. I’ve been part of the writeblr community for about two years now, but I’ve never done a proper “writeblr” intro... Sooo we’ll consider this it. 

I’ve been writing since I was 11 years old, ever growing, ever changing.. And boy was it a major step in progress. I don’t even have those old files any more (trust me, that’s a blessing for everyone involved. IT WAS BAD.) I wanted to write stories ever since I was little... but it took a special book to make me want to write professionally.

It took reading Unwind by Neal Shusterman, to inspire me to want to do it as my job... and honestly, I’m forever grateful to that book for being my main inspiration in how I wanted to write. To tell stories that would make the reader laugh, or cry... or close the book, calmly walk across the room before slamming it into the floor while wailing “WHY!??!?!?!?!” to the heavens. It just evolved from there!

I run @yellowroseanddreamstorm​ with my best friend Aileen Rose, ( @theblueskyphoenix​ ) she’s awesome, go check out her stuff too. That’s where our original works generally live, be they collab or solo. Yellow Rose Productions is our team effort and we’re always cooking up something new.

My blog’s focus is on my projects, reblogging art relating to those projects, inspirational images, or just straight up writing memes. Occasionally the occasional shit post will get through too but that’s just how I roll.

My favorite genres to write about are Science Fiction, Fantasy, urban fantasy, thrillers, paranormal and hurt/comfort. 

I have one novel published: 

https://www.amazon.com/Elemental-Archer-Storm-Arashi-ebook/dp/B07L76TJWL/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=elemental+archer&qid=1581358229&sr=8-1

Elemental Archer, is my baby. I’ve had the concept floating around my head since I was 13 and it’s taken a LONG time to make Vala a reality... But I am so glad she is. She means the world to me... and I’m ever so grateful for the pushes Aileen gave me when I was down to give my girl the time in the limelight she deserves. 

My other WIP that’s fully original that’s running is Spirits in the Shadows: https://yrpspiritsintheshadows.tumblr.com/ A serialized webseries about the strange cases... and the strange life of Eiji Miyamoto, a paranormal investigator, living in the city of Geistville. 

I always have new ideas running through my mind, be they ideas on their own that don’t have works, or original works and fanfictions intermingled.

For ideas that I don’t think I can give full stories to I have my headcanon blogs.

My Dr. Stone headcanon blog: https://drstone-100-tales.tumblr.com/ Where I like to put all of my ideas and concepts for Dr. Stone, that while I won’t dedicate a story to it (There’s so much to unpack AND the manga is still ongoing) I am VERY happy to write down ideas, headcanons, au’s ect and place them there.

My other one is for Trauma Center. Trauma Center: Throughout the Darkest Storms: https://tcdarkeststorms.tumblr.com/ While this blog does not have any posts on it yet, it will soon as I am working on several blog posts for it at once. This holds the same purpose, that while I DO have a few Trauma Center projects (In particular I help write the script for the Trauma Center manga and I have my own story called The Butterfly Effect that I’m working on and Butterfly Effect WILL go to this blog eventually) most are ideas and AU concepts that I don’t wanna give full stories to and instead would rather give detailed outlines or ideas of events. 

I’m always coming up with new concepts and I hope to always be writing.

So yeah... That’s me. Nice to meet’cha!!

[billehrman]

From Rags to Riches

It is hard to believe that we went from the worst fourth quarter performance last year since 1931 to the best gain for the year in 2019 since 2013. We believe that there are more gains to be made in 2020 as the global economies recover after a sluggish performance this year bolstered by continued monetary stimulus, some fiscal stimulus and less trade tensions. The pundits/experts have remained one step behind, looking in the rear-view mirror as traders, rather than over the valley as investors, which is our strength. Did you notice how all of them were bullish last week? A little late, don’t you think?!

Let’s go back in time and look at what we were saying just one year ago around this time of year during the worst December that any of us can remember. On December 16th our blog was entitled “Christmas Sales Have Begun”. We mentioned that adversity creates opportunities for investors with more than a one-second time frame. We commented on all that was bothering the markets including: “record flow outflows (huge tax selling), a global synchronous economic downturn; trade problems, consumer and business confidence falling, rising fears of deflation, and monetary authorities had it wrong (they were tightening)”. Systematic trading was dominating the marketplace putting undue pressure on the averages.” Fortunately, we had raised a lot of cash in October, so we started to nibble away at defensive, high yielding stocks.

The following blog dated December 23rd was titled “It’s Always Darkest Before the Dawn” where we discussed that “a perfect storm hit the financial markets as the Fed raised rates, signaled two more rates hikes in 2019; maintained their $50 billion per month runoff of their balance sheet; the ECB ended its bond purchases; the trade war with China over stolen IP escalated; there was a partial shutdown in our government; Trump’s administration was in disarray; and investors were liquidating stocks at a record pace.” We predicted that the global economy would slow without any inflationary pressures in 2019 and that the next move by all monetary authorities would be to ease big time.” We believed that the stock market was still undervalued, so we continued buying only defensive stocks like healthcare, consumer non-durables, cable with content, utilities and the like with above average dividend yields.

The last blog of year was entitled “Wake-up Call” where we sat back, looked over the valley and discussed what was needed to be done to right the ship to avoid a global recession with rising deflationary forces in 2019. We felt that clearer heads would prevail as the alternative had such negative connotations for the global economy and rising deflationary pressures.  We began commenting in this blog that the stock market multiple would trend up to 20 times earnings, higher than the historical range, as interest rates were 300-500 basis points lower than the historic norm while bank capital/liquidity ratios were moving to all time highs. We added that the Philips curve was dead, and the Fed had no reason to fear inflationary pressures as unemployment fell. We recommended adding to defensive stocks, U.S based, with above average yields as our economy would outperform all others as the consumer was 75% of GNP.

Now let’s fast forward to December 2019 and, once again, look at the key issues first and foremost in the minds of investors throughout the year which have all done a 180 degree turn since a year ago: trade, monetary policy, Brexit and Trump:

Trade: Presidents Trump and Xi had a phone conversation Friday confirming that the signing of Phase 1 of a trade deal would happen the beginning of 2020. China confirmed that it was also postponing any additional tariffs on U.S goods just like we did on the proposed December tariffs. It was confirmed that China will buy at least $40 billion of agricultural products and over $200 billion of other U.S goods over the next two years. Finally, it became clear that President Xi has concluded that it was better to deal with Trump than run the risk of dealing with a left-wing Democrat.

The House finally passed the North American trade pact with bipartisan support. This deal to us was far more important to conclude than Phase 1 of a trade deal with China. We are confident that this deal will boost U.S. GDP over the next two years.

Finally, Trump decided yesterday not to impose tariffs on Brazilian steel and aluminum. The bottom line is that trade will most likely not be an issue in 2020 which should lead to less uncertainty in the business community and a turnaround in global trade.

Monetary policy: Could it get any more accommodative than now? Several key voting members of the Fed came out last week and mentioned that there will be no change in rates in 2020;  the Fed injected nearly $58 billion into the financial system; Sweden ended negative rates which has been the wrong policy choice; the BOJ kept policy steady leaning on Abe’s $120 billion stimulus plan to boost Japan’s economy; and finally China added the most cash into the open market since January.

Brexit: Prime Minister Johnson, with his newfound majority in Parliament, forced through a bill which puts the country on course to leave the EU by January 31, period. His intent is to force the EU to conclude a deal now. We agree with him as the EU is acting like a bully even though their economies are at far more risk if a hard Brexit occurs than the U.K.

Trump: Trump clearly has a winning hand going into 2020 to win the Presidential elections. Even his impeachment may turn in his favor as Pelosi delays moving it to the Senate who will clearly exonerate him. We are confident that Trump will propose the following next year: major tax cuts for the middle/lower classes; a new Healthcare bill; and propose a major infrastructure program painting the Democrats into a corner as obstructionists.  

Here’s how we are ending the year: investors are adding to equities as they are underweighted the asset class and there is minimal tax selling as all asset classes are up; the global economy is bottoming out and 2020 looks like a much better year; trade deals are being concluded lowering tensions and boosting business/consumer confidence; monetary authorities everywhere are easing providing more liquidity than is needed by the real economy thus pushing investors out on the risk curve;  the stock market multiple is moving up as investors final acknowledge, like the monetary authorities,  that low inflation is not transitory; and Trump looks like a winner.

Clearly, we went from rags in 2018 to riches at the end of 2019.

Paix et Prospérité became fully invested while shifting its portfolio months ago to more economically sensitive companies with superior managements and  strong cash flow selling at recession valuations while reducing the defensive holding selling at record high valuations as we became more confident that the global economy had reached an inflection point and 2020 would be a far better year economically. Technology was and remains the largest portion of our portfolios.  Our overriding core belief was that the monetary authorities would remain overly accommodative through 2020 providing wind to our backs while reducing risk. We also felt that Trump would do everything in his power to get re-elected which is quite a lot,  as we have seen.

Our objective for the S & P next year remains 3400+ based on S&P earnings of $170+/share with a stock market multiple of 20-ish. We are riding the trend in place, as Soros would do, as long as all the key issues that we factored into our analysis remain intact. So far, so good!

Let’s take a brief look at the most recent global economic data points as we look over the valley rather than in the rear-view mirror

United States: All of the most recent data points keep turning up positive such that we have raised our fourth quarter GNP estimate to over 2%: personal income increased 0.5% in November; real DPI rose 0.4% while real PCE increased 0.4%; the PCE price index rose only 0.1% excluding food and energy; third quarter GNP was unrevised increasing 2.1% with higher consumer spending offset by a decline in inventories; consumer sentiment rose to 99.3 in December from 96.8 in November (great for holiday sales); existing home sales picked up increasing 2.7% in November; leading indicators were unchanged; coincident indicators rose 0.4% and lagging indicators increased 0.5%; Fannie Mae increased its 2020 forecast significantly; industrial production rose 1.1% in November and 0.5% excluding autos (GM strike); home builder confidence increased to a 20 year high to 76 in December; and job openings edged up to an amazing 7.3 million jobs.

Pretty great set of numbers for sure.

Finally, President Trump signed yesterday an astonishing $1.4 trillion-dollar spending bill.  

The bottom line is that we believe that 2020 real GNP will be above the consensus  exceeding 2.2% with inflation holding beneath 2%.

China: While the government is currently forecasting 6% growth next year, we actually believe that it could be higher based on the huge amount of monetary and fiscal stimulus now being plowed into their economy. The trade deal, too, will remove a huge uncertainty boosting business/consumer confidence such that we expect a rebuilding in inventories which have been reduced during the fourth quarter.

Finally, November stats came in stronger than anticipated with production jumping 6.2% from a year ago; fixed asset spending accelerating to a 5.2% gain over the first 11 months and retail sales climbing 8%. China’s large purchase of U.S. agricultural products will go a long way to taming their high inflation rate.

The Eurozone/U.K.: While we remain pessimistic on the long-term prospects of the Eurozone without fiscal, trade and regulatory reforms, next year could clearly be better than 2019 as global trade tensions are reduced and a deal with the U.K. on Brexit is finally reached. Recent data points have come off the bottom like the composite Purchasing Manufacturers and Services Indices but none of them are worth bragging about. Maybe Merkel has to leave office before any real change can occur in Germany and then the rest of the Eurozone.

Japan: The government recently came out with small upgrade in its 2020 economic forecast now projected 1.4% for the year. We do expect that the fiscal stimulus package along with trade deals may make these numbers conservative for the first time in our memory.

Investment Conclusions

We see no reason to alter our current view that 2020 global economic growth will accelerate from disappointing 2019 results. It is clear that all the monetary authorities will stay on hold with their aggressive easing policies until inflation stays above 2% for a sustained period which is not likely anytime soon.

Our investment conclusion is to continue to move to more economically sensitive companies like global industrials, capital goods and machinery companies. Also, we are maintaining very large financial holdings as we expect yield curves to steepen as short rates are not increased by the monetary authorities as global growth improves. We continue to add to well financed, low cost industrial commodity companies with strong cash flows as we expect prices to rise from increased demand and a lower dollar. Technology remains the largest sector of our portfolios for obvious reasons as buyers get a quick, high return on these investments in addition to their need to remain competitive. Special situations remain the second largest sector in our holdings as long as managements are intent on closing the gap between their current price and intrinsic value.

Clearly, we are not long bonds nor the dollar anymore.  

We want to wish all of you a sensational holiday season. We hope that our weekly blogs have made a difference and have helped you in some manner. Feel free to email or call us if we can do more to help you out.

Our initial tag line was “the creation of wealth to help mankind.” We are all so blessed and need to give back whatever and wherever we can.

Our weekly Investment webinar will be held on Monday, December 23rd at 8:30 am EST. You can join by typing https://zoom.us/j/9179217852 into your browser.

Remember to review all the facts; pause, reflect and consider mindset shifts; turn off the pundits/so called experts; look at your asset mix with risk controls; do independent research and…

Invest Accordingly!

Bill Ehrman

Paix et Prospérité LLC

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 42

In which Rand gives everyone else his abandonment issues.

Chapter 42: Before the Stone of Tear

Ah, excellent, a Rand chapter. This ought to be…well, not good exactly, but. Well.

I know this book is Rand’s darkest hour—at least, darkest so far; I suppose it could get even worse but we’re so close to the ending now that I feel like his arc has to hit a turning point soon—and I know this state of mind he’s in and these things he’s doing are Not How He Is Supposed To Be, and that he can’t continue like this and have any hope of a true victory.

But at the same time, this is what I’ve been waiting for ever since Rand set himself on this path, and I am loving every moment of it, because sometimes you just want to see your characters self-destructing against their own carefully honed edges as the world looks on in horror and all they feel is cold. It’s a thing.

Anyway, we open with Rand and Lews Therin arguing with each other (themselves? Himself?) over ownership (management?) of the List.

No! the madman sputtered. Who are you? It’s mine! I made it.

Except…Rand is the one who made it, who began it. It’s yet another thing that makes me think this barrier is no longer truly between Rand’s current life and his past one but between the things he lets himself think and know and be, consciously, and the things he pushes away and holds desperately apart. 

So where once it was just Lews Therin’s memories leaking across and Rand, frightened, trying to keep them back, it became a way for Rand to shove aside emotions he couldn’t afford to feel and pain he could not endure. He has claimed much in the way of the memories, now—at least, those that are useful to him. And in exchange he has filled that gap with pieces of himself, over time, keeping the sides of the barrier balanced but not as they once were. Now it seems as if it’s just as much—or perhaps more—Rand al’Thor on that side as it ever was Lews Therin.

Which, if this is correct, makes it even more imperative that he let the barrier go; he is divided against himself, and forcing parts of himself away, and still refusing to acknowledge any of what is on that other side as his, even though ‘what is on that other side’ is at this point largely determined by him, and was ‘his’ not so long ago, and much of what was on that other side is now in his conscious perception of himself.

Overanalysing fictional characters? On this blog? Never.

What have we become? Lews Therin whispered. We’re going to do it again, aren’t we? Kill them all. Everyone we’ve loved. Again, again, again…

“Again and again,” Rand whispered. “It doesn’t matter as long as the world survives.”

Oh.

It was his greatest fear; it was the thing that he held to the strongest as a difference between himself and Lews Therin, the thing he could not accept, the thing that made him most afraid of his fate, that it could end up the same as before. He threw it in Lews Therin’s face—You killed yourself, Kinslayer, after you murdered your wife and your children and the Light alone knows how many others. I won’t kill where I don’t have to!—but now… Now even that, he accepts. Now that he has crossed all his own lines, now that he has destroyed a fortress with balefire. Now it is Lews Therin who fears it. Or rather, what parts of Rand he has pushed over to that side of his mind, holding them desperately on the other side of a barrier full of holes.

To hear Rand just…accept that, accept the thing he so reviled, the thing that in large part caused him to divide his mind this way and fight against himself, is…wow. It shows just how far he has come. (Or how far he has gone? I suppose the verb makes rather an important difference in tone there).

To hear him say ‘It doesn’t matter’. 

Which means that now, if it came to that…he would do it. In his efforts to avoid this fear, he has brought it into the realm of possibility. In pushing away everything of himself that fears that fate, he makes it all the more probable. It’s a terrible and beautiful irony.

“We’re here, ready to fight. Again and again.”

The emphasis throughout this exchange on ‘again and again’, not just killing everyone he loves but the fight itself…it sounds very like what Moridin was saying back in chapter 15. An endless cycle of war and death and no way around it. To which Rand at the time responded ‘your logic destroyed you, didn’t it?’ but now he sees no problem with that exact logic. Oh, Rand. Is this truly your own thought? 

He couldn’t let [Min], or any of them, see him slipping. They mustn’t know how close he was to collapsing.

Rand. My friend. It is way too late for that. You are (still) nowhere near as subtle as you think. Though how you think making cold claims of mercy and then balefiring a massive fortress with the most powerful sa’angreal ever created is subtle, I have no idea. After telling one of the people you think doesn’t yet see you slipping to dream on your behalf. Seriously, as cries for help go, yours are…impressive, certainly, and really not at all hidden in any way whatsoever.

So many dead by our hand.

And it was just the beginning.

Your hero, ladies and gents.

“I am well, Min” he said. “I was thinking.” “About the people?”

In a manner of speaking…

Each time he’d conquered a kingdom before, he’d left it better than when he’d arrived. […] Each land he’d destroyed had, essentially, been saved at the same time.

If only you had seen it that way at the time, we might not have come to this. But no, at the time, it was just ‘always I destroy’. Of course he would only come to understand the salvation-destruction duality when he is no longer capable of the former.

Ah, so he’s heading out. With absolutely nothing resolved in Arad Doman, and the situation easily worse than he found it. No point lingering for a lost cause, is that it?

Somehow, the people realised that, and it was very hard for Rand to look at them.

Even now, it’s hard. Even now, it tries the cold he has locked himself in, though he cannot quite admit it. There’s such a strong impulse in him to care that suppressing it takes everything he has. And a good ten or so books of working on it.

Their hungry eyes accused him: Why bring hope, then let it dry up, like a newly dug well during a drought?

That’s more or less Rand’s own logic. It’s why he’s stopped letting himself feel, or to hope for anything that isn’t death and destruction and the bleakest sort of victory. Because to hope means opening himself up to more pain, and he’s too afraid that it would break him, and then where would the world be?

So Arad Doman is being left with even less of a government than the USA had for the first month of the year. That’ll end well.

It is not my problem, Rand thought, not looking at the people.

Wellllllllllll……  *equivocates with both hands* I mean, technically I suppose it’s not, because you’re not actually the ruler of Arad Doman, but only because you’ve refused to take on that responsibility after arguably causing most of the problems here, albeit indirectly. Though Graendal can’t entirely be blamed on Rand, and she absolutely had a hand in creating this mess. But also, being the prophesied saviour of the entire world unfortunately makes said entire world your responsibility, but also that means much of what happened was arguably inevitable, but…

Jury’s out on that one, is what I’m saying.

Oh, right, Ituralde’s been sent up to the Blight. No doubt he’ll be sending a Strongly Worded Letter to Rand when he finds out what’s happened here.

“he warns that something is gathering.”

A storm, perhaps?

I’ll stop making these puns when they stop walking right up to my door and knocking until I let them in.

Rand had wanted to leave directly from Lady Chadmar’s mansion grounds, but that would have been to vanish like a thief, there one day and gone the next. He would at least let the people see that he was leaving and know that they had been left to themselves.

An odd moral hangup for someone who has, by his own reckoning, crossed the last line into irredeemability and can kill hundreds of people with balefire without qualms. And also is very much leaving them to themselves, regardless of the manner in which he does so. 

Oh but wait, it gets worse!

“The food! It has spoiled.”

“What food?” Rand asked.

“All of it.”

It’s almost funny out of context, mostly because of the ‘ALL the things’ phrasing, and also just ‘what food?’ and then wait oops it’s not funny at all because literally all of the food in the city spoiled overnight.

Which, okay, food has been spoiling for a few books now, more or less since the Dark One decided climate change wasn’t working and went for decay instead, but for so much to happen so suddenly? At…probably about the same time as Rand erased Natrin’s Barrow from existence? It feels like maybe the Dark One’s touch was…magnified, or amplified, or triggered or otherwise linked with Rand’s own ta’veren effect, which itself is…far out of the balance it once had.

In which case, yikes.

A city full of refugees, a city already strained by an influx of people brought precisely because he had sent food, now condemned to starvation.

And Rand’s not really in a bread-and-fishes sort of mood, I don’t think.

“What will we do?”

Rand closed his eyes.

“My lord?” Iralin asked.

Rand opened his eyes and kicked Tai’daishar into motion. He left the dockmaster behind, mouth open, and passed through the gateway.

He won the crown of Illian because he kept them from starving, because he ordered food sent from Tear without even really thinking about it. And now, he has refused to claim the crown of Arad Doman and is leaving them to starve.

Without even a word. That, to me, seems like the cruellest part of this. Not that he’s leaving, but that when they bring him this news and ask what to do, he just walks away without a response. Not even an empty ‘I’ll do what I can’ or instructions for gold to be given to the acquisition of food from elsewhere or, hell, even an ‘I’m sorry’. Or instructions that the Sea Folk ships be made available to assist refugees in going elsewhere where there might be food. Or anything at all.

There may not be much he can do, but to simply ignore their questions and their pleas and their need—when it was at one point so important to him that the food be brought here—takes it from awful to cruel. And frightening.

He put the coming starvation out of his mind. It was shocking how easy that was.

It has a similar feel to it as the calm, cold way he destroyed Natrin’s Barrow. Something he knew should terrify him but didn’t. Just…inevitability, and then done. 

It’s a different situation, and he’s not deliberately erasing all of Bandar Eban, but at the same time it really isn’t all that different, especially in the way he’s approaching it. Accepting the huge death toll this will take, and then turning away and putting it out of his mind. 

And it almost hurts him, you can see that in the way he closes his eyes against their pleas and even in the way he rides through the gateway without a word, perhaps because he knows he can offer nothing and cannot bring himself to face them with that. It almost hurts him, and he pushes it away too easily and leaves it behind too cruelly and it almost hurts him; there are cracks in that ice, but what will it take to open them? If enough balefire to ruin a fortress and shake the Pattern, and the imminent starvation of a nation full of refugees isn’t enough?

Bandar Eban vanished, those too-silent people vanished.

Literally out of sight, out of mind.

And now for something completely different! Tear greets him with cheers and adulation, because his turning up must be a good thing. They obviously haven’t heard the news from Arad Doman.

The adulation hit Rand like a wave of reproach. He didn’t deserve such praise. Not after what he had done in Arad Doman.

For once I’m actually in full agreement with Rand’s self-loathing thoughts, because…yeah. But again, he can still almost feel. Enough to hate himself, at least. Enough to abhor what he’s done, even as he does it. But not enough to make him open himself to the pain it causes, because it would only be worse, now, and he cannot endure that.

But at some point he’ll have to, right? So we’re back to the question of…what could possibly make him feel again, decide to feel again, when now that would mean letting all of this hit him in full? And how will he survive that?

Must keep moving, he thought, kicking Ta’daishar into motion again.

If you run fast enough, your problems can’t catch you!

Nearby, two flapping pennants got caught in the wind, and inexplicably entangled. The men holding them aloft, near the front of the crowd, lowered them and tried to pull them apart, but they were knotted tight, somehow twisted that way by the wind.

The wind emphasising the importance of alliances and unity? You try so hard, wind. 

Rand had found that outlanders—no matter what the city—paid him less heed when he visited. This was true even when those outlanders were from another country he had conquered. […] Perhaps they didn’t like being reminded that their lord and their enemy’s lord were the same man.

That’s…a really interesting—and astute—observation, and one I very much like, but I’m having trouble coming up with much more to say about it than that. But I do really, really like this. Maybe it’s just my entire Thing about enemies-and-allies or enemity-and-loyalty or really just enmity caught up with any of its various opposites. But it also seems to highlight the absurdity and futility of war, and the idea that these people shouldn’t be enemies, for they have a much greater enemy they all share, and they’re so much more closely entangled than they think, and yet humanity is humanity and so to war it will go, clinging all the way to denial if need be.

Yet here they stand, united, cheering for him. It’s promising, almost, that so many different people can stand side-by-side and look to him not in fear or hatred but in expectation and admiration. Except it comes right after he has left another city full of outlanders bereft and doomed to starvation. It’s an interesting contrast, and something of a study in the duality of salvation and destruction as sides of the same coin.

And of how much has changed, because the people here are looking to Rand and seeing him as they remember him—as he was before The Last That Could Be Done, as something of a saviour even if he is a hard one to accept at times, and with the benefit of a long absence to smooth some of those edges—while the people of Bandar Eban were reacting to the person he is now. And the two are…different, to say the least. 

It’s a well-done contrast, on several different levels. And it serves so well to highlight those differences, by taking two baseline-similar situations—Rand appearing in front of a gathered crowd of citizens and foreigners in a city he has conquered—and using them to show what was against what is…and even what is against what could be.

From this point on, Rand would be easy to locate. No more hiding in wooded manors. No more travelling alone. Not with Lan and his Malkieri riding to the Gap. There wasn’t enough time left.

It feels appropriate that Lan is, in a way, the…spark, here. The one that sets this final play in motion, the one who makes the move that forces the rest to start their final plays, the inciting incident that begins the Last Battle.  

Perhaps it is just an illusion—perhaps the Dark One was already set to move at this point, and Lan is responding to that, and perhaps everything is being pulled to this point simultaneously and this is just the way it all has to play out… But still, it seems fitting. 

This is, after all, a strike he has been holding back—or held back from—since the Dragon was reborn. An arrow that’s been drawn and then held for twenty-some years, for this exact purpose. Malkier was destroyed and the surviving uncrowned king has been bound for vengeance and then held back from it by a promise to see the Dragon Reborn to the Last Battle, and so that counterstroke against the Shadow’s last sweeping attack against a nation has been held, and held, waiting, and Rand may be the Champion of the Light but it seems fitting for Lan’s own story if he is the Light’s opening salvo, he who has focused his whole life towards this one goal and who finally has been released to follow it.

Bashere wants to know if Rand is even going to bother to tell Ituralde what he’s done and Rand figures Ituralde will eventually find out. He didn’t want to leave Bandar Eban ‘like a thief’ but he doesn’t care if Ituralde only finds out by word-of-mouth or by…just finding Rand gone? Okay.

And he also doesn’t really care if Ituralde leaves the Borderlands and fights the Seanchan. Or if the Seanchan take more territory. It doesn’t matter anymore. It mattered so much, once.

“This whole thing is a mess”

Truer words have never been spoken, Bashere.

Next up is dealing with the Borderlanders, which honestly I’m kind of with Rand on—I still just have a ‘what the entire fuck’ reaction to that whole situation because sense, it does not make. Clearly I am missing something here.

“I have little patience for men who abandon their duties.”

Have we done that? Lews Therin asked.

Does it count as self-awareness if it comes from the voice in your head you staunchly refuse to acknowledge as a part of you?

In this series, I’m going to just go ahead and say ‘yes’, because really the standards are, in fact, that low.

His ta’veren effect seemed to be growing more powerful, causing increasingly greater distortions. And more dangerous ones.

That should be a giant red blinking warning light with very loud sirens, Rand. And maybe a flashing neon sign saying ‘YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG’.

Actually all of that was quite a ways back, across that chasm of a line you crossed, so uh…here be dragons, I suppose.

During his last visit, Tear had been besieged by rebels, but the city hadn’t suffered.

Again, you seemed to see it very differently at the time. What with the starving children and trying to send gold to avert one of Min’s visions and all that. And the self-hatred, of course, but that’s just a constant at this point.

The way he selectively remembers things in this chapter is kind of fascinating. It all looks so much more positive in hindsight—almost a parallel to how the Tairen response to him is so much more positive than the Domani, because in Tear they’re still seeing who he was—now that he’s stopped letting himself care. And now that he’s done so much worse. Now that it’s too late for that shift in perspective to help him.

None of [the Stone] would be much use against an army of Seanchan with damane and raken.

Good thing Egwene is keeping them occupied elsewhere, then.

It’s a killing field, Lews Therin said.

Here, another crowd cheered Rand.

Oh, wow, that contrast. *Shivers*

Hi, Darlin. Also why are we spending so many words on Weiramon?

I like him, Lews Therin thought.

Rand started. You don’t like anyone!

He’s honest, Lews Therin replied, then laughed. More than I am, for certain! A man doesn’t choose to be an idiot, but he does choose to be loyal. We could do so much worse than have this man as a follower.

Is this directed at Weiramon or at Darlin? It seems to be Weiramon, from context, in which case…I have so many questions.

Mostly beginning with ‘what’ and ending with ‘the fuck?’

Lady Caraline was a given; the slender Cairhienin was as beautiful as Rand remembered. A white opal hung on her forehead, the golden chain woven into her dark hair. Rand had to force himself to look away. She looked too much like her cousin, Moiraine.

Was that…a feeling? Careful there, Rand; that could turn into an emotion.

Sure enough, Lews Therin started naming off the names on the list, Moiraine at the forefront.

In the ongoing discussion regarding the data structure of Rand’s list, I propose for your consideration: a hash table. He has been shown a few times to be memorising the women’s faces as well as their names, and here it’s the visual cue that starts the recitation of the list, with Moiraine’s image calling up Moiraine’s name. 

Also since when did it become just ‘sure enough’ that Lews Therin is the one reciting the list. Rand’s list. (Since he crossed his own last line, and killed a woman, thus forcing the list and all its implications and constraints across that barrier in his mind, because he can no longer hold to it).

All that aside, Caraline has good taste. White opals are gorgeous.

Rand steeled himself, listening to the dead man in the back of his mind

(‘Steel yourself, Egwene’ she thought as she read a dead woman’s list of names).

A quick roll call of the surviving Tairen lords and ladies, which I will admit is appreciated because I’m pretty good at keeping track but it’s nice when I don’t have to, and now we can get down to business.

Darlin’s not happy with the ‘hurry up and wait’ nature of Rand’s orders to him to gather an army, but honestly, Darlin, would you rather have to use that army right away? Think about it for a few minutes.

Oh.

Um.

So that army is no longer intended for Arad Doman. Because Rand is very, very thorough in his abandonment.

And because…

“And…where will we be marching?”

“To Shayol Ghul.”

But you can’t go to Shayol Ghul yet, Rand! You still have two books left, and an entire conscience to regrow!

Next (TGS ch 43) Previous (TGS ch 41)

[scriptaed]

Ink Nemesis | 04

Genre: Angst/Fluff || paparazzi!au; fake dating!au;

Pairing: Reader x Yoongi;

Length: 6.7k;

Synopsis: As an aspiring writer drowning under the public’s radar, a click of the pen is all you need to accept your supervisor’s offer to co-write an article for the SS - Secrets Spilled, a regular section of your company’s weekly tabloid; but fabricated stories and invasive details aren’t all that you write when you discover Min Yoongi’s dirty little secret. 

The naive like to believe themselves, one amongst billions, are exceptions to the laws of the universe, but in the ironic ways of reality, exceptions and oddities are just the regularities of life in which all must abide by. The false authorities like you, prideful in what they claim to be logic and control in such regular oddities, however, are often struck to the lowest of lows. Having suffered prejudice against the social hierarchy against men and women and against the needed and needless, you had thought you understood what the life of a journalist, an artist of literature, would entail—a lover of phonics, a diver in the world of stringed words, a lonesome misanthrope confiding in the touch of ink; but as you are soon to discover, even you, both the false authority and the naive, are no exception to the contradictions of life.

For when you find yourself scowling at the glaring screen of a blank document splattered by blocks of incomprehensible black, an epiphany dawns upon you: ink, your one companion amidst the darkest of times, has grown to be your greatest nemesis.

The next thing you know, your subconscious takes action on its irking fears when your laptop is slammed closed. Without the distraction of a story long due for an update, your attention turns to the incessant buzzing of your phone by your desk.

[Blog Notification: user 1830 commented, “Wow! I didn't know Yoongi was this great at the piano!”]

[Blog Notification: user 2048 commented, “Yoongi has me so weak…”]

[Blog Notification: user 4859 commented, “When is the next scoop coming? Are you going to be posting another audio soon? By the way, you're so talented.”]

[Blog Notification: user 1203 commented, “OMG I love you for posting this!! Thanks!!”]

... and the scowl returns.

With a sarcastic scoff, your thumb proceeds to hastily swipe clear the notifications off your screen, but even then, the stains remain shrouded in your eyes. Your writing has never garnered this much traffic. Your hours upon hours of works have never seen the light of day at the apex of these summits.

Still, still, still, yet still, this isn't the feedback you've been vying for all along.

Two out of four mentions Yoongi. Oh, right, this is an audio of him, after all. Why are you expecting your own practically nonexistent presence in the SS?

A plea for the next “inside scoop.” Of course, this is a tabloid. When will you be posting again? Can you even pick up a pen after witnessing the mess of blots you had just carelessly spilled?

One word of thanks. Thanks? For what? For snitching, for reluctantly uploading an intimate moment made of dreams meant to be just between him and you?

...and talented? It's a compliment, but why does it tug at your heartstrings to the point of being plucked apart like the torn scraps of paper you had scribbled and crumpled in a vain attempt to revive your fallen comrade.

The worst of it all, though, is the reality that all of this stems for your own fault. You decided to delve into this business. You edited that audio to trick both Yoongi and perhaps even yourself from recognizing its origins. Because at the end of the day, it's you who posted that audio.  

You don't deserve the spotlight. You don't deserve the thanks. You don't deserve attention. You don't deserve a pen. Perhaps that's why your ink has long stopped responding to your cried for help.

Riddled with guilt, your frustration channels into the grip of your phone as the palms of your hand turn white along with the drain of blood from your fingers until, finally, a shriek pierces through your throat and your phone is hurled at the wall. The collision elicits a wince from you, even with the death glare you're shooting at the phone collapsed face down.

Where do you go from here? A cracked phone doesn't solve the ongoing problem just waiting to ignite from within you. At this point, if nothing is done, you're practically a living ticking bomb about to explode at any moment now. Sanity no longer exists in your dictionary.

That's it. You'll stop posting. You'll quit as soon as Solji returns. All of these toxins, feelings of jealousy and self-deprecation, originated from this grotesque blog in the first place. Once you take a step back and breathe a deep breath, everything will return to normal. It should return to normal. It must return.

Fingers tangled in the roots of your hair, the world in your room blacks out and all you can sense are the pulls of your locks. Life has taken a deep plunge for you since that one memorable night of bright lights focused on the star upstage. The hate you've received on your own works has evidently taken a toll on your writing. None of the sentences hold even a penny to the eloquence of your past works, none of them even make sense anymore. Akin staffs of notes flowing gracefully across Yoongi’s scores, you, too, vividly recall the days when your own words held a sense of pride and freedom you only aspired to bear. Instead, all you see now are blocks of black ink across the page, as if it's some code you must decipher. The last thing you want to do now is write, and it's bringing your wit's end.

Luckily, Yoongi hasn't noticed the audio you've posted of his little performance for you… or at least he hasn't cared enough to inquire you about it. To your best predictions, he's probably too busy being successful to even notice someone as significant as you, not to mention a coward posting under the mask of a pseudonym. And as if things could not be more miscalculated in timing, Yoongi is all that has filled your mind in the past days since that fateful night. His cologne, his soft albeit smug grin, his nonchalant shrugs, everything from reality to your dreams takes you back to that very night in the auditorium.

As if life has taken pity on you with mercy, Solji hasn't contacted you either regarding the news of your supposed relationship with Yoongi nor the methods you're utilizing to acquire such private material for the SS.

Again and alas, life surprises you just when you thought the storm after the calm had cleared. Phone ringing the familiar tunes you had set for his contact, the gentle melodic touch to the keys of white and black, you crouch close towards the floor and approach the phone with reluctance more than caution…

... your instincts never cease to fail you, for the text plastered across your screen elicits even more rightful caution from within your already constricted chest.

Yoongi [5:10 PM] Hey, Y/N. I've nearly finished my mixtape and I've shown the boys already. Wanna come over for a listen, too? Your perspective is important to me. I think it'll be helpful. If not, I just wanted to let you know.

Yoongi [5:11 PM] And we can grab dinner afterwards while we're at it.

The latter message incites a skip of a beat and flutters a clutter of butterflies throughout your stomach. Everything, his invitation and your response, they all spell for trouble.

Knees deep, you just know you're treading in deep waters.

-

“Oh, it's you, Y/N!” you recall Hoseok’s voice blending into the background from the front gates of their studio when all of your attention is asserted on someone much less familiar and definitely less invited… or at least to you. Because catching sight of a familiar woman with disheveled hair and runny makeup is enough to set your mood to an all time low.

What could she have been doing at Yoongi’s studio? And why did he invite you after inviting her?

Maybe you’re just imagining things. Maybe it’s just someone else, especially since none of the boys seem to be mentioning her nor do they seem perplexed to have a second visitor.

Skimming through the members one by one, your chest becomes heavy with disappointment at the absence of the one you're really dropping by for. Why were his friends here and not him? Are you not worthy of his time? Are you so forgettable? Or are you being discarded of after someone else had replaced you?

Irrational thoughts plague your mind, even if the more cogent side of you knew the right answer; because like you and unlike most others, the key of passion to unlock the zone can both drown and oxygenate its beholder from the world outside.

You don't know why, but something about the last few days has really skewed your sense of reasoning.

“Are you looking for Yoongi?” Namjoon inquires with raised brows.

“Oh, yeah,” you mumble, glancing around the room nervously, “is it… that obvious?”

“I kind of figured after the whole ordeal Bang PD put you two in—” Namjoon quickly adds “—which I'm sorry about, again.”

Right. That's the only relation between you and him. It's all for the money and fame, like always… but why does it hurt you so?

“Oh, Y/N, you're here?”

Everyone in the room turns to face Yoongi, who nonchalantly enters the room from his studio with an equivocal look tipping toward anticipation.

“Yes, you invited me,” you remind him with a frown, “but here you are, fashionably late, not to mention having your friends invite me in instead of yourself.”

Yoongi blinks blankly for a few seconds, the reason for your attitude unbeknownst to both yourself and him. “Sorry. You could've called me at least.”

“I don't have your number,” you quickly rebuttal.

“Yes… you do, otherwise you wouldn't have known to drop by in the first place,” Yoongi frowns and arches a brow before deadpanning, “did you not sleep last night or are you not right in the head right now?”

Well, he's not wrong—in fact, you're the one who's wrong. Maybe you really aren't right in the head.

A nervously feigned laugh cascades from Hoseok as he parts from the couch and glides across the lobby to throw his arms over Yoongi’s shoulders. “Don't worry, Y/N, that's just his dumb way of joking around. He doesn't mean any offence, right?”

“No, how is my question offence anyways? It was a legitimate question,” Yoongi scrunches his nose, reusing to succumb to Jimin, whom had made his way beside him, and his elbow jabs.

“C'mon, it's your fault you kept your lady waiting. You invited her over, which, by the way, can we ask why or rather what you two are planning to do?” Jimin chimes suggestively, the bright smile of his eliciting a suppressed albeit undeniably gummy grin from Yoongi—how does he do that with such ease?

“Get off me,” Yoongi mutters but takes no action, “I don't know what you're suggesting because I was just asking her to listen to some of my tracks, you dirty scum.”

“Don't you have a meeting to go to?” you interject after a collective fit of laughs from the boys.

“Oh, right, thanks for the reminder,” Yoongi hastily grabs a navy blue coat from the couch and shuffles his way to the door before turning around to call to you, “sorry, I'll be back soon. I swear. Just wait for me here, alright?”

Ignoring the whistles from the boys, the door slams closed behind him without another word, leaving you with the quiet chattering of the boys and your own incessant worries.

How and why do Jimin and Hoseok seem to always reside on Yoongi’s better side, regardless of their antics and remarks. To you, and surely for the boys, too, Yoongi leans toward the more curt, unconforming side of the spectrum. You wouldn't exactly say you want to hold the same effects or at least garner better responses than whatever you had just witnessed, but a part of you does wonder why you, unlike Jimin or Hoseok or any of the boys, really, seem to lie on Yoongi’s colder side of the spectrum.

“...I was just wondering,” the words slip from your lips before you can retract them and the boys look up at you with inquisitive looks, “...um, I don't know how to say this, but why does Yoongi always seem to be more—I guess—lenient around you guys?”

“Lenient?” they repeat, as if they've heard you wrong.

“Well, more like, how do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“That, you know,” you tiptoe around the topic before cutting to the chase, “how do you make him smile like that?”

“Oh,” they collectively utter with a laugh when Hoseok answers, “we actually get that question a lot. He seems cold on the outside, but really, he sometimes acts more like a kid than any of us, including our youngest, Jungkook.”

“It's pretty easy to get him to smile, but you might get a few scowls from him beforehand,” Jimin adds with a chortle.

“Just be yourself,” Jin shrugs, “he might dislike the real you even more, but at least he'll respect you for being honest.”

“Say whatever is on your mind,” the youngest one says on their own dime.

“Oh,” Taehyung’s voice rises in volume, as if a lightbulb had just flickered on in his head, “you have to be upfront with him. He doesn't initiate things. It's hard to get close to him, but he's welcoming if you try, at least that's what worked for me.”

“Yeah… I can't blame him, though,” you shrug. “It's only been a few weeks and it's not like he has a reason to further our friendship or whatnot other than for the cameras anyways…”

“No, actually,” Jimin muses, “you two actually seem pretty close and get along quite well for how long he's known you. He's not the best with strangers, not to mention trusting someone enough to invite them to his studio.”

“Oh…?” you quirk a brow, hesitating further. “Is there a reason why he's so… wary of others?”

Does it have to do with his past relationships?

Or perhaps that woman you had seen him on the balcony with on that fateful night?

Why are you even asking such a silly, invasive question?

It's not like it's your business.

But you want to know.

“Um…” Jimin mumbles and glances at the boys, shaking his head, “we don't actually know… we always thought it was just a part of his personality.”

“But Y/N,” Hoseok chimes with the wiggle of his brows, “is there a reason why you're asking this? Is it something cheesy like being the source of his happiness? I can't believe Yoongi has finally found the—”

“—no!” you realize you cut him off along with your curiosity for the following words too short. “I was just curious…”

But whatever. He has a girlfriend anyways. It would hurt all too much to hear the truth… even if you didn't like him in that way. You just admire him as a fellow artist…

...right?

-

“...right?”

A puff of air sifts from his parted soft lips when your head snaps up in alert and he realizes your lack of attention.

“Right, wait,” you pause and widen your eyes quizzically, “right about what?”

Yoongi takes a deep breath and repeats calmly as his fingers tap rhythmically atop his ice-blue-lit-keyboard, “you’re hungry, right?”

“I’m fine,” you blurt, ignoring the growl in your stomach, “I’m totally fine. Let’s finish what I came here for and listen to your mixtape.”

“No,” Yoongi shakes his head, wagging his finger in the air at you disapprovingly, “I want quality feedback, and the fact that you can’t even continue a simple conversation makes me feel like I’m talking to a brick when it’s usually the other way around with the boys.”

“I’m telling you I’m fine, well, at least now I am. I was just… thinking about other stuff. Worrying.”

“Worrying?” he cocks a brow, eyes darting at your firm grip of the buzzing phone in your hand.

“Just… about my writing. It’s nothing much,” you press your lips into a forced grin, for whether it’s the stirring flutters of unnamed anxiety in your stomach or the incoming comments of hate from your blog or instigating hate from within you on the S.S., neither you nor Yoongi could afford to know the truth.

“Alright—” he doesn’t press further when he notices the discomfort in your eyes “—but I’m here if you ever need me. Anyways, pack your things and do whatever girls like to do before a night out ‘cause we’re getting dinner.”

“Wait, now? Dinner?” a sharp intake of breath refuses to untangle the knot in your throat elicited by the thought of dinner with Yoongi and you just don’t know why. “We can just eat some cup noodles here or something while listening to your tracks…”

“We can listen to them here,” he pans, raising his sleek black phone paired with an equally plainly colored earbuds, “I know it’s hard to believe, but technology is quite convenient nowadays.”

His remark elicits a roll of your eyes, “I get it, but I didn’t bring enough money for a dinner… or at least not for a restaurant fancy enough for A-lists like you.”

Yoongi scoffs at your typical comment with a snort, “yes, well, I figured I’ve asked too many favors from you tonight and even made you wait after it all, so I’ll lower myself to the level of you peasants for just one day over a plate of burger. In fact, I’ll treat you tonight.”

“Do you…” hesitantly, you peer up at Yoongi whom now stands over the blinding light of his studio lamp looming over you, “...always treat the boys or any girl—anyone, I mean—out for dinner?”

“Rarely. Usually, I prefer to work and cook up a quick bowl of ramen, but I can't exactly do that with my guest over, can I?” Yoongi smirks at you from the corner of his lips as a lock of his hair dips over his eyes. Nonchalantly, he reaches his hand out, aloft in the air between him and you. “So are you to taking this deal or not, Ms. Y/L/N?”

And before you could stop yourself, a grin stretches from ear to ear as your hand softly grazes atop his before being swallowed by the closing, firm grip of his rough ones bedazzled by a couple of rings and branches of veins.

“I’ll take it.”

-

Unbeknownst to you, your innate yet irrational desired entails for a journey to the closest restaurant tenfold less grand than you had imagined. Instead of calling his manager for a ride, claiming his interests lie in priorities other than buying a car, Yoongi suggests taking a brief stroll through the rather sparse neighborhood and enjoying the night breeze. To him, this might just be another day of unnecessary labor, but what he doesn't know is the incessant pumps of electrically charged blood coursing through your veins at this very moment—and you plan to keep it that way.

Buzz, buzz, your phone vibrates twice followed by a loud groan from the back of your throat as you pull it out from your back pocket out of habit.

[Blog Notification, user 26748 commented, “So when is the next update??????”]

[Blog Notification, user 31038 commented, “Update was great. Thanks!”]

Thumb hovering the power button of your phone, you roll your eyes with a deep breath before—

“—oh, is that your writing blog?”

“Oh my God,” his sudden presence you had someone forgotten in the midst of your own zone takes you by surprise as you jump back and glare at him with wide eyes, “did you really have to say that so close to my ear?”

“Boo,” he equivocates, despite the tint of a smug grin at the corner of his lips, “so? What's with that frown? Isn't it feedback to be proud of?”

His fingertips graze against your cheeks to poke at the left corner of your supposedly down-turned lips, marking a trail of fire with the icicles of his digits.

“No,” you rebuke, peering up to glare at him but failing to retract yourself from his all too soothing touch, “one is rudely demanding an update without any form of appreciation and the other hardly provided any feedback at all! As far as I know, they could be the same person just trying to lather me with mediocre comments so I feel more obliged to update.”

Yoongi raises a brow, “and why do you hypothesize so?”

“Because they're sent right after each other. A minute apart.”

“They're different accounts.”

“Some people have several accounts for different uses.”

Your quick rebuttals elicits a chuckle from Yoongi as his eyes flicker to the side before returning to lock with your hardened ones— broken for a hot second under his enchanting gaze—and cocks his head, “don't you think you're reaching just a tiny bit? Scratch that, you're about to pull a damn muscle from that leap.”

“I know,” you grumble and cross your arms, “but it's still not a great feeling after getting your hopes up for some feedback other than hate.”

“Hate?” Yoongi inquires with an arched brow before shaking his head and fidgeting with something in his pockets. “Ignore them. They're not worth your time anyways. If you think about it, those two—or one, if your theory is correct— are interested in your story enough to comment, right?”

“I don't need just ‘enough,’ it won't keep me going. I get it, I appreciate them for even commenting, but sometimes I need real feedback…” your voice trails, “... especially now, when I'm questioning my skills in the profession I've dedicates my whole life to.”

A momentary silence marking the recognition of your sentiments ensues until his fidgeting hands finally reach out from his pocket and across you from behind to pat firmly onto your right shoulders.

“I understand. It might be hard for you to believe me, but I do understand and I promise you'll get through this. Someone will recognize your talents, you just have to endure long enough,” he utters, pulling you closer to his side as the road narrows between two buildings. “Quite frankly, I find it intriguing how I'm the one looking for the silver lining when you're the one who's been preaching it all this time to me. Are you sure you're the Y/N I invited over tonight?”

From this proximity, you catch a whiff of his cleanly crisp cologne and the rumbles of the low registers of his chuclle. It's impossible for you deny how your heart nearly jumps right out;and just like that, you've forgotten the snide remark he had just made. Is this all on purpose? Is it a swift move done at the right place and time or is it all a coincidence? Is this how he treats all ladies…? Even the women you had caught him in the balcony with?

The questions persist in a consistent, overly congested flow when his hands swiftly grab ahold of yours, rough to the touch yet gentle with the tug as he takes control, and leads you into the relatively dim setting of a rather fancy restaurant. He might not know the pace at which your heart races, and he certainly doesn't know the unreasonable effect he has on you because even you don't know; unbeknownst to you, the swelling of your heart had already begun long ago with the first key of his piano.

“So… how are you doing?”

A frown with the arch of a brow resides on his features.

“You just listened to my tracks and that's the first thing you have to say? I was expecting some harsh criticism from the likes of you, to be honest.”

“Likes of me?” you articulate with narrowed eyes, eliciting a chuckle from him.

“With the likes of you,” he repeats, and the smug grin on his lips flutter something within your chest, “and your expertise in lyricism and all aspects of this cruel, cruel industry.”

The sarcasm in his voice draws the roll of your eye, but in his own little way—the way he leans into the table with his gaze glued to you and the way his eyes sparkle and his anticipation dances on the tip of his pressed, slightly upturned lips—you know he's serious. For once, someone is listening, and not just listening, but listening to you, as if you're worth their time and what you have to say is significant.

Finally, as you lose grip of your beloved pen, the beholder of ink, you gain the grant of his power.

“Instead of asking you what you're doing or what you could improve on, I was asking how you're doing, because as hard as it is to believe, I do actually care about your wellbeing,” your hands instinctively lie upon his own cold ones before quickly withdrawing when he casts his eyes upon your gentle touch; but when his equivocal gaze returns to the shake of your's, you find yourself uttering the last of your worries without hesitation. “Forgive me if I'm misinterpreting, but from what I've heard in your works, there's been a time when your own works have put you through an impossibly dark time.”

A soft chortle purrs from his lopsided grin as he nods in recognition, “it’s amazing how you've managed to put it all into words so exactly yet poignantly, it's almost as if you've experienced it yourself…”

...are you speaking to your own reflection?

“Don't we all go through such times? Especially us,” you can't help but laugh to ease the tension, “us creators.”

“Yeah. Funny, though,” he pauses to recline in his seat with a smirk plastered across his face and it takes you off guard—you almost have to remind yourself to breathe; you've always known somewhere in the back of your head just how charming Yoongi could be, but now, for some reason, all of your attention and soul has been enraptured by the phenomenon bestowed before you. “I recall you claiming that it's impossible for people like you and I to understand each other. But as it turns out, celebrities like me and upcoming writers like you, are more similar than anyone else.”

“Hm,” you press your lips into a thin, curved line, “I guess so, like two stars of two universes yet all but with one identical purpose to fulfill.”

“How hasn't the entire world heard of you, Writer Y/N?” Yoongi remarks, tilting his head with an adorable gummy smile. He begins playing with the cup on the table, “well, that's exactly why I decided to share this side of me. It's important to spark discussion, isn't it? No matter how dark or unpleasant, it's real, we all deal with it, and it's me.”

“And…” you add on, evoking a nervous raise of the brow from the boy across from you, “...if they don't like this real side of you or even acknowledge him, then can you really call them friends? Fans, even?”

“Thanks, my number one fan,” he chortles and you can only scoff as he clears his throat; but when he swiftly lays his hands atop yours, your scoff is cut in half by the lack of air being knocked out of your lungs. “My studio, my music, they all give me a place of solace, a temporary haven from the burdens of life, and I never thought this was possible, but talking to you like this, talking to someone who seems to understand me for me, I don't feel so alone anymore. So, thanks, Y/N.”

His words leave you lost for your own words.

“...ditto,” you return a sheepish smile at his equally bashful pressed grin, “I couldn't have said it better.”

There. That's the genuine smile you've been searching for all this time.

“To be honest, it's hard for me to find someone to talk to, not to mention a place to talk in without having to hide in the corner of a restaurant like this or being bombarded by paparazzis and fans.”

“Ironic,” the both of you cackle when you point at yourself. “But why is that so? Don't you have the boys? Your family? A girlfriend…?”

His eyes dart to you at your latter question.

Please forget I asked. Please forgive me for prying. I swear I don't want to know. I don't want to hear the truth behind her.

“No, I try not to talk about things like this to them—” who exactly are they, you find yourself straying instead of listening “—and it's not that I don't think they wouldn't understand or that I don't want to burden them, but it's hard for me to trust everyone with things like this.”

“Because you're scared people will see you differently, see you as a coward.”

“You took the words right out of my mouth,” he laughs a bittersweet melody before settling to uncertain silence. Hesitantly, his line of sight trails along the table, across to you, and gradually to meet your own gaze. “But you don't see me differently, do you?”

“You're still the resilient local resident making a living off of passion to me,” your laugh echoes in harmony with his until you find the courage to utter, “who could’ve broken your trust like this?”

He shrugs. “Just life. Work. People of my past.”

Does he trust her?

“Do you trust me?”

Even if you knew all the things I’ve been doing behind your back? Even if you knew I took such a private moment and uploaded it for the whole world to see?

“Yes, but, don't get ahead of yourself, Miss Y/N,” Yoongi wags his finger at you but not without a raspy chuckle. “I can't believe I'm telling a paparazzi of all people my deepest and darkest secrets. If you break my trust after this, you're never getting it back. Ever. Got it?”

Gulp—you don't know why, but the move just tangles the knot in your already constricted further.

“And same goes for you to me? I can trust you with my writing blog?”

His phone rings. You can just barely make out the name of the incoming text, looking somewhat like that belonging to a woman. Could it be her? Is she looking for him? Is he going to leave you for her?

Yoongi checks his phone, frowns, and turns the screen back off.

It only takes him a few seconds to completely shatter your confidence.

“Of course.”

But it only takes him two words to complete your trust. It takes Yoongi two words to build the bridge between separate universes. Hundreds of words, sentences, paragraphs, and pages and above, it takes you to convince yourself your works are worthy; and yet, he needs a mere couple of words to provide you worth.

Is there something wrong with you? In your approach? Have you just not been working hard enough? Or have you not been producing the right works? Maybe you should've stuck to your original approach and shrug off his, producing cheesy rom-coms more likely to strike gold.

Or maybe you should've been more true to yourself.

You trust him, holding his hand like this as he guides you through the back alley of the restaurant, and yet, your confidence is in shambles, incessantly reminding yourself none of this means more than acquaintances, because you don’t know if you can even proclaim you two as friends.

Come to think of it, what are you to him?

The question never really occurred to you, but lately, after removing yourself from work and distracting yourself with other matters, there hasn’t been a single moment where he wasn’t involved. What was he doing? Has he eaten yet? When would he text you? When would you two meet up again? What excuse do you have to see him?

Because in moments like this, where he squeezes your hands with his own rough ones, melting you in his embrace, where he guides you through the empty, barely illuminated streets, where you watch him and the rise of his sturdy shoulders from behind, where he mumbles some poor joke before switching places with you to ensure your safety within the sidewalk and away from the streets, where the silence is thin like walking on ice but the air is filled with unspoken words befalling on two pairs of intent percipients and neither of you must speak nor act to fully know the other is listening, where cricket chirps and chilly breezes fill the moonlit night, where your heart twirls and leaps until it beats against the skin of your hand and you begin to wonder if he notices, where you finally find someone on this sparse universe who understands you and accepts you even in moments of diversion, you begin to freefall.

This wasn’t the plan, but you truly are in too deep.

And when you finally accept it, you come to an epiphany: you, a pessimist of both work and above, are, irrevocably and hopelessly, in love; and this love, if not for the beholder of your own ink, spells the death of you.

“Sorry again about having to walk you all the way back instead of calling my manager,” Yoongi mutters to break the silence, right hand reaching to scratch the back of his neck with a sheepish smile hinting at his gums. “I didn’t want to bother him… and plus... at least we got a good conversation going on there.”

“Yeah,” it’s impossible for neither of you to notice the grin stretching from one of your ears to the next, “and at least you got a breath of fresh air outside of the studio for once.”

“Right,” he chuckles, shaking his head before leaning against the doorframe of your apartment with lips pressed into a thin upcurve. “Hey, I know I’m terrible expressing myself, but really, thank you for today, for hearing me out.”

“You do,” you laugh a his scowl, “but of course… I’m expecting the same in return…?”

“Sure,” his lopsided, effortless grin has your heart pounding painfully against your chest, “I guess I’ll see you… tomorrow? Maybe? Sometime soon?”

Ah, you really can’t help the flutters in your system; just how deeply have you fallen?

“Tomorrow sounds...,” your voice practically sings, “...good.”

You don’t realize it until now, but there, he stands just a foot away from you; slowly and oh-so-dreadfully slowly, two stars begin to inch forward in an attempt to fabricate a bridge between two universes forbidden of contact. With the golden light of your house striking upon the warmth of his skin, highlighting the dewiness of his lips and what you only now come to notice the well tamed hair and white collared shirt, your insides swell and you nearly become numb to the oversensitivity as a reaction to the endless butterflies in your stomach.

You shouldn’t be doing this.

You know he belongs to someone else.

And yet, this is all too tempting to pass.

If he had someone, he would stop you, right? You deserve this after all you’ve given up for him and his little publicity stunt, right? You’ve given up your job and your dreams just for him, so this is the least you deserve, right…?

Gradually, your eyes flutter shut along with his until—

—buzz.

“Sorry,” the both of you blurt, eyes darting open and widening as you two jump back and grab for the vibrating phones in your pocket.

Solji [1:37 A.M.] Y/N, I just got back from my trip. Sorry for going MIA for the last week but…

Solji [1:37 A.M.] WHAT THE HELL AM I SEEING ON THE NEWS?!

Solji [1:37 A.M.] YOU’RE DATING MIN YOONGI? FROM BTS?

Solji [1:38 A.M] I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T KNOW HIM? THAT HE WASN’T YOUR TYPE? DO YOU ACTUALLY LIKE HIM?

Solji [1:38 A.M.] This is fake, right? These photos just happen to be taken and you bumped into him at the wrong time while working on the SS?

Solji [1:38 A.M.] Answer me asap because I have to know what to do with you and the SS. I’ll be taking it over again in the meantime.

Groaning, you clear the notifications from your screen before taking a deep breath and sighing in sync with the boy standing across from you. What are you supposed to tell Solji? Can you really tell her the truth? You are being paid to keep this a secret, and as terrible as you are for admitting this, but who knows what she’ll do with the newfound info? Maybe she’ll use it for the next tea of the SS. Maybe she’ll threaten you and force you to officially quit your line of work. What would she even think of you, selling yourself out for easy money instead of pursuing your career?

But all that aside, the thought which startles you the most is the realization that none of those questions matters to you the most when it should be your utmost concern. In reality, your sole attention belongs to the boy staring at the ground as he buries his phone deep into his back pocket once again and begins shifting in place.

“Sorry, I have to go now—” your heart drops “—someone needs me. It’s an emergency,” he mumbles between barely parted lips and glimpses up to lock eyes with you, soft, sincere, vulnerable. “I’m really sorry. Seriously.”

“It’s fine,” you press your lips into a thin line to suppress any form of emotion from spilling, shaking your head and feigning a smile. “Go.”

Go and have fun with her, prancing around from girl to girl, because at the end of the day, he’s choosing her instead of you anyways.

Why did you let your guard down in the first place?

“Alright…” he utters, hands reaching for the nape of his neck before reaching out to grab your hand to give it a quick squeeze, “goodnight then.”

And when his hands loosen, warmth drifting from your touch to return to his side, you realize the parting came all too soon and you’re met with the cold, deafening silence of the night air once again.

Do you even like him?

Solji has a point. Do you even like him? Or is this some sort of rebound after losing the only companion you had ever known and trusted? Writing has wronged you and left you astray, but with Yoongi, you’re like a broken yet rehabilitating train wreck returning to its tracks where it rightfully belongs.

You’ve never found someone who understands you in and out, who welcomes debate and invites perspectives directly counteracting his.

You two come from polar sides of the universe, two extremes of the world, and yet that’s exactly what lies similar between you and him; so who says attraction is a term unknown to such opposites?

“Wait, Yoongi!” you call out but you know he’s long gone.

Scrambling for the stairs is the first move your heart sets out to do. Wasting no time on the elevator, your feet struggle to keep up with your mind as you nearly stumble down the flight of steps, shoes pounding against the concrete until, finally, spotting him pacing slowly in front of your building. With large strides, the distance between you and your star become extinguished as you grab ahold of his hand and whirl him around.

“Y/N?” Yoongi raises a brow, but the serenity in his eyes tell you neither of you are surprised by this scene and are, rather, relieved. “What are you doing—”

“—shut up,” you manage to say in between breaths, cupping his face in your hands, “you and I both know we need to confirm something.”

And even when the corner of your eyes takes note of a camera flashing and a dreadfully familiar woman watching from afar, you dive into the drowning waves of his touch when his coarse hands firmly hold the back of your head to guide your lips onto his.

75% too enraptured to care, 25% too guilt-plagued to confess.

[signourneybooks]

Intro

You know sometimes I like to challenge myself.

How to Play

This reading challenge consists of 3 sections. Fantasy, Sci-Fi and General for a total of 52 prompts which comes down to about 1 book a week.

 You can do 1, 2 or all 3 sections.

With each section you are allowed 1 Double-Up. Double-Up means you can use 1 book for 2 prompts. Preferred is not to at all but if for some reason you are struggling with time or a prompt you can.

In the general sections you can use both fantasy and sci-fi books but not other genres.

Graphic novels, comics, audiobooks and novella’s are allowed. It is all reading in my book.

Rereads count.

You can move the books around throughout the year if things fit better elsewhere and all.

You can step into this reading challenge at any point. I’m starting it in January 2019 but in reality this is a reading challenge you can fit for yourself in anyway you like. If you want to start in May and end April the year after, that is totally fine.

Graphic

Sign-Up

I don’t know if people want to join me but I would love to interact with each other if you do. You can participate anyway you like, with goodreads, twitter, instagram or your blog. I don’t require a sign-up post but I would appreciate if you boosted this.

If there are a nice group of people we can see if we can do a twitter dm group or an fb group or something to chat with each other on how to fill the prompts. 🙂

The widget won’t go into the post because wp sucks so here is the direct link.

If You Need Inspiration: Find Some Fitting Books Per Prompt Here

I figured some of you might like to have a list of options for each prompt so here we are. I’ve read a portion of these, others are on my own TBR and others I just know fit with the prompt. These are in no way meant as real recommendations, just those that fit the prompt. No links because do you see how many books I mention haha.

Fantasy

Classic Fantasy The Dragon Bone Chair by Tad Williams / Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin / The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien / Narnia by C.S Lewis /

Magic School Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling / Tempests and Slaughter by Tamora Pierce / A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. le Guin / The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss / Carry On by Rainbow Rowell / Charmed Life by Diana Wynne Jones / The Magicians by Lev Grossman / The Novice by Taran Matharu

Necromancers Darkest Powers by Kelley Armstrong / Hold Me Closer, Necromancer by Lish McBride / Sabriel by Garth Nix / The Bone Witch by Rin Chupeco / Magic Bites by Ilona Andrews / Johannes Cabal the Necromancer by Jonathan L. Howard / Reign of the Fallen by Sarah Glenn Marsh / Skullduggery Pleasant by Derek Landry / Give the Dark My Love by Beth Revis

PTSD Witchmark C.L. Polk / The First Law by Joe Abercrombie /

Dragons The Last Namsara by Kristen Ciccarelli / Liveship Traders by Robin Hobb / The Copper Promise by Jen Williams / Talon by Julie Kagawa / Seraphina by Rachel Hartman / A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin / Eragon by Christopher Paolini / Eon by Alison Goodman / Temeraire by Naomi Novik / A Natural History of Dragons by Marie Brennan / How to Train Your Dragon by Cressida Cowell / Wings of Fire by Tui T. Sutherland / Nice Dragons Finish Last by Rachel Aron

Fairytale Retelling Uprooted by Naomi Novik / A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas / Ash by Melinda Lo / Forests of a Thousand Lanters by Julie C. Dao / The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh / The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden / Thorn by Intisar Khanani / To Kill a Kingdom by Alexandra Christo

Grimdark Prince of Thorns by Mark Lawrence / Gardens of the Moon by Steven Erikson / Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin / A Crown for Cold Silver by Alex Marshall / Skullsworn by Brian Stavely / Red Sister by Mark Lawrence / The Black Prism by Brent Weeks

Ghosts Lockwood & Co. by Jonathan Stroud / The Graveyard Queen by Amanda Stevens / City of Ghosts by Victoria Schwab / The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman / The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater / Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake

Uncommon Fantasy Creatures So not the usual werewolf, dragons, vampires and the like Bones and Bourbon by Dorian Graves (Huldra) / The Golem and the Djinni by Helene Wecker (Golem) / Steel & Stone by Annette Marie (Incubus) / Troll Fell by Katherine Langrish (Trolls) / The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison (Goblins)

Shapeshifters Moon Called by Patricia Briggs / Written in Red by Anne Bishop / Stray by Rachel Vincent / Soulless by Gail Carragher / The Gathering by Kelley Armstrong /

Gods Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan / Magnus Chase by Rick Riordan / Aru Shah at the End of Time by Roshani Chokshi / American Gods by Neil Gaiman / The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by N.K. Jemisin / The Goddess Test by Aimee Carter / The Chaos of Stars by Kiersten White / Furyborn by Claire LeGrand / Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor / Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman / Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Cordova / The Gospel of Loki by Joanne Harris

Animal (or in Animal Form) Companion(s) Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb / The Dragon Bone Chair by Tad Williams / Reign of the Fallen by Sarah Glenn Marsh / Spellslinger by Sebastien de Castell / The Summoner by Taran Matharu

Matriarchy Seven Realms by Cinda Williams Chima / Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake / Daughter of the Blood by Anne Bishop / Dragonflight by Anne McAffrey / The Cloud Roads by Martha Wells / The Mirror Empire by Kameron Hurley

Set in Our World The Others by Anne Bishop / Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling / Shadowhunters by Cassandra Clare / American Gods by Neil Gaiman / Shadowfever by Karen Marie Moning / Psy-Changeling by Nalini Singh / Moon Called by Patricia Briggs

Witches Hex by Thomas Olde Heuvelt / The Bone Witch by Rin Chupeco / A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness / Equal Rites by Terry Pratchett / The Worst Witch by Jill Murphy / Uprooted by Naomi Novik / Akata Witch by Nnedi Okorafor

Magical Law Enforcement Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling / Rivers of London by Ben Aaronvitch / The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher / The Golem’s Eye by Jonathan Stroud / Lockwood & Co. by Jonathan Stroud

Thief The Legend of Eli Monpress by Rachel Aaron / The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch / Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo / The Demon King by Cinda Williams Chima / The Death of the Necromancer by Martha Wells

Pirates Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo / Magic of Blood and Sea by Cassandra Rose Clarke / Red Seas Under Red Skies by Scott Lynch / The Nature of a Pirate by A.M. Dellamonica

Portal Fantasy Child of a Hidden Sea by A.M. Dellamonica / The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis / Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll / Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire / The Magicians by Lev Grossman

Warrior Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin / Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien / Night Angel by Brent Weeks / Half a King by Joe Abercrombie /

Sci-Fi

On a Different Planet A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers / Defy the Stars by Claudia Gray / The Dispossessed by Ursula K. LeGuin / The Martian by Andy Weir / Dune by Frank Herbert / Red Rising by Pierce Brown

Space Ship The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers / The Record of a Spaceborn Few by Becky Chambers / An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon / Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Addams

Artificial Intelligence Point of View A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers / I, Robot by Isaac Asimov / 2001: A Space Odessey by Arthur C. Clarke / Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep by Philip K. Kick

Proto Sci-Fi As Frankenstein is seen as the first sci-fi novel all books prior to that that seem to be sci-fi are called proto sci-fi but anything before H.G. Wells will count here as it seems to cause some discussions.  New Atlantis by Francis Bacon / Frankenstein by Mary Shelley / The Strange Case of Dr. Jeckyll and Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson / From the Earth to the Moon by Jules Verne /

Alien The Fifth Wave by Rick Riordan / The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Addams / The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells / Binti by Nnedi Okorafor

Time Travel The Time Machine by H.G. Wells / Ruby Red by Kerstin Gier / Passenger by Alexandra Bracken / The Girl From Everywhere by Heidi Heilig / The Map of Time by Felix J. Palma / Invictus by Ryan Graudin

Utopia The Dispossed by Ursula K. le Guin / Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel / Andromeda by Ivan Efremov / The Giver by Lois Lowry

Games/Gaming/Virtual Reality Warcross by Marie Lu / Armada by Ernest Cline / Otherland by Tad Williams / In Real Life by Cory Doctorow / Unplugged by Donna Freitas

Hive (Mind) The Shadow over Innsmouth by H.P. Lovecraft / Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie / City of Broken Magic by Mirah Bolender

Steampunk Soulless by Gail Carrigher / Mortal Engines by Philip Reeve / Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld / Boneshaker by Cherie Priest / Lady of Devices by Shelley Adina

Super Powers The Reckoners by Brandon Sanderson / Lorien Legacies by Pittacus Lore / Not Your Sidekick by C.B. Lee / Nimona by Noelle Stevenson / The Runaways by Brian K. Vaughan

Science Better known as heavy sci-fi if you go searching for books Foundation by Isaac Asimov / World War Z by Max Brooks / The Color of Distance by Amy Thomson / Revelation Space by Alastair Reynolds

Replicate/Replica Accelerando by Charles Stross / Replica by Lauren Oliver / Evolution by Stephen Baxter / The Diamond Age by Neal Stephenson

Space Colonization The Long Earth by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs / Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie / The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradburry

Mecha Themis Files by Sylvain Neuvel / Gundam Wing by Haijme Hatate / Dreadnought by Cherie Priest

Space Creatures/Beasts Mistworld by Simon Green / Dune by Frank Herbert /  Alien by Alan Dean Foster /

Teleportation Jumper by Stephen Gould / Timeline by Michael Crighton / The Long Earth by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Baxter / The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Space Western The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury / Six-Gun Planet by John Yakes / Trigun by Yasuhiro Nightow / Those Left Behind by Joss Whedon / Cowboy Bebop by Yutaka Nanten

The Moon The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer / Moonseed by Stephen Baxter / Artemis by Andy Weir / Red Rising by Pierce Brown / The First Men in the Moon by H.G. Wells

Invasion Alien or Human The Andromedia Strain by Michael Crighton / Obsidian by Jennifer L. Armentrout / The Lorien Legacies by Pittacus Lore / The Alien Years by Robert Silverberg / Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card / First Men in the Moon by H.G. Wells / Starship Troopers by Robert Heinlein

General

For this you can use sci-fi and fantasy where you can make them fit.

Satire Discworld by Terry Pratchett / Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams / The Portable Door by Tom Holt / Red Shirts by John Scalzi /

Novella Binty by Nnedi Okorafor / Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire / The Ghost Line by Andrew Neil Gray / The Girl Who Rules Fairyland – For a Little While by Catheryne M. Valente

Finish a Series For this you can read the other books for other prompts throughout this challenge and read the last one here or finish a series you previously started. Or you could just read a whole series for this prompt alone. Whatever you want haha.

Mental Health Stormlight Archives by Branden Sanderson (depression) / The Magicians by Lev Grossman (depression) / Witchmark by C.L Polk (PTSD) / Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo (PTSD)

Disability * On the Edge of Gone by Corinne Duyvis (autism) / October Daye by Seanan McGuire (weelchair) *Kristen from Metaphors and Moonlight created a masterlist.

Set in Africa Akata Witch by Nnedi Okorafor  / Zoo City by Lauren Beukes / The Famished Road by Ben Okri / Changa’s Safari by Milton J. Davis

Library Library is semi-important in the book Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor / Ink and Bone by Rachel Caine / The Invisible Library by Genevieve Cogman / The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins /

By a Woman of Color Nnedi Okorafor / N.K. Jemisin / Tomi Adeyemi / Julie Kagawa / Malinda Lo / Heidi Helig / to name only a few…

One Word Title / Under 500 Pages / Over 800 Pages / Published Before 1990 I don’t think I need to make a list for these, right?

If you have any recs for any of these categories (especially Disability, Mental Health, Set in Africa and PTSD) than please leave them down below.

Printables

Let me know if these don’t work to save.

Dancing with Fantasy and Sci-Fi – A (2019) Reading Challenge + Bingo Cards Intro You know sometimes I like to challenge myself. How to Play This reading challenge consists of 3 sections.

[thedailychalkboard]

Going South

As the sun slowly begins making its way towards our neighbors in the Southern hemisphere I find myself in a reflective mood. The comfort of the brightness and warmth experienced during the summer months soon will give way to the dark and dim frigid days of winter. We are in that mid-season of change and there’s a definite chill in the air. You can see the change in the light and how if falls short across the landscape more and more each day. There’s an encroaching dimness to it that isn’t simply seen and felt, but heard throughout the hills and valleys. Yes, there is a time for every season, and we are on the cusp of change.

No one knows what the cold winter months will bring. Some folks who’ve been around awhile and are presumably wiser for it get busy. History tells them what may be coming. Preparations are made, provisions are stocked, all is made ready for the scarcity of necessity and those things we take for granted during the warm, lazy, long days of warmth and light. Sharing isn’t part of some of these folks’ plan and they don’t really understand why people won’t think and act the way they do. They’ve done the work, why should they help anyone, capable, or not, of helping themselves? They’ve already done their part. Self reliance and appreciation for family, faith and country is a badge to be worn proudly, not shared so as to inform, empower or help others.  

Even less caring, wise or aware people simply talk about it and worry, and fret that things are apparently changing but do nothing to prepare in a meaningful way. That’s for others to do. They go about their daily business occasionally stopping to watch, wring their hands in despair, gossip, listen or shout at those who prepare. Others choose diversions to distract them from it all or simply ignore the activity that surrounds them. It’s not really their problem. Someone else will make sure things are taken care of and protect their best interests along with it. They are counting on it. Change isn’t on their radar.

Then there are those who like to make fun of one group or the other. They call each other names, dwell on frivolous points, try to convince everyone that there’s either nothing, or absolutely everything, to worry about, and don’t prepare for anything but a heated debate about things they know little to nothing about. They just like to take a popular side, based upon what they’ve been told by those who either should or secretly know better. They’ve learned well how to put down anyone that doesn’t join them in their shouting and partying and contemptuous attitude toward something they won’t admit has two sides and should be considered. They’ve chosen a tribe and they’re sticking with it come hell or high water. The means justifies the end in their minds. They just don’t have the slightest clue what the end is going to actually look like and they don’t really care. It’s the ride that counts, not the final destination. Their motto appears to be “Hey, pass me another beer. I’ll drink it and then find someone to throw the empty bottle at.”

There’s a fourth tribe of people that make a living playing all of the other tribes, one against the other, for power and personal gain. These folks look down from well provisioned and walled in castles built on high hills by the labor and lives of those they have cajoled and befriended into building the walls around them. They make promises they never intend to keep and soon forget they even made.  They have designed their whole life around taking from everyone and giving what isn’t theirs to others for a promise of loyalty and protection.  They hold a lot of the provisions in check for the long winter months and make sure that they give them only to those who will agree with their situational ethics and do what they ask during the darkest and coldest days of the season. They never go without anything they want. They make sure of this because they’ve been the architects of the process. They hold contempt for everyone except those who are like them and will do and say whatever it takes to maintain the power and control they have. They’re not much into sharing either, except for their self serving opinions.

All four of these tribes share one thing in common. They have faith that once the dark season is over the sun will come once again and warm the darkness away from the land of milk and honey they are so blessed to live in. Spring will arrive with its beauty and abundance; the cold winter season of scarcity will be replaced by the spring of promise that, once again, a land of plenty is sure to return and resides just a short time away. But what if spring never comes? Then what? Would the three tribes ever see eye to eye, quit their ridiculous posturing, lying, yelling and side taking and work together to figure out a solution to a tragic situation? Or would the screaming, name calling and blame game continue even more heatedly until it remained the only warmth left in the land and something unexpected and terrible moved in and took its place? A pipe dream you think? An unrealistic nightmarish scenario you feel? It would never ever happen you say? Think again.

In the spring of the year 1815 Mount Tambora in Indonesia exploded with the largest eruption in modern recorded history. Because of the amount of material it blew into the atmosphere a substantial amount of sunlight was prevented from reaching the Earth’s surface.  The outcome of this was the reduction of the average global temperature by an estimated 5 degrees Fahrenheit. Close to the volcano over 80,000 people perished from disease and famine as crops wouldn’t grow. In 1816 the ash circling the globe created what has been called the “year without a summer.” Western Europe and Eastern North America experienced heavy snow and killing frost through the summer months which led to crop failures and starvation in those regions. No one was prepared for such a cataclysmic event. Tribes perished, people suffered, and there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it.

What if we could prepare for such an event by actually working together instead of working against one another? What if we could guarantee that we will weather the coming winter of our discontent and the pending storms encroaching on our nation by talking instead of shouting, joining hands instead of pointing fingers and by listening to others with opinions and ideas that differ from our own? If we are to survive the winter soon to be upon us we must listen and talk reasonably and honestly to those outside our own tribe and not just to those who feel, act and believe the way we do.  What if we listened less to the tribe on the Hill, ignored the screamers, pouters and name callers, paid less attention to all of their collective social self serving manipulations and more to the residents in the communities where we live as a whole and not simply in the neighborhoods where we choose to reside? There is no such thing as “no compromise” unless a tribe is set to divide and conquer another. Do we really want that for our nation?

I have faith that there is absolutely no problem that cannot be solved when clear headed, sincere, creative and honest cooperation is exercised in a civilized way. Winter is knocking at our door my friends. And, as many tribes have discovered over thousands of years, our very survival hangs in the balance.  –MDD

©2018 Michael D. Davis   All Rights Reserved

Michael D. Davis is a communicator by vocation, a mentor by avocation and a social media maven by choice. His work can be found on popular channels on the web and on his blog at http://thedailychalkboard.tumblr.com/   Michael welcomes your comments and invites you to join him. Just Google #michaelddavis or #thedailychalkboard to find him and request to connect.

[tcdarkeststorms]

Intro

Hello everyone! Welcome to Throughout The Darkest Storms!

This is a Trauma Center blog dedicated to headcanons and AU’s all across the Trauma Center universe! 

So posts will vary from random headcanons about the characters, to AU’s and even some short stories or AU stories specifically.

Now, before I get things really goin some quick rules!

This is a Safe for Work/SFW blog. Absolutely NO NSFW.

No ship hate/character bashing. (Yes, that includes Leo Bello)

I might not get to everything sent to the inbox. 

I do not take story requests. Headcanon requests, AU requests those are fine. 

Have fun!

[himbowelsh]

What's your first thoughts when you hear every bob character name? What are your feelings towards them?

okay, let’s give this a try.

Richard Winters

actual team dad

lowkey i love richard winters so much?? mostly because he was just this KID. he was a guy, still in college. he wasn’t particularly special or talented, he wasn’t wealthy but wasn’t poor, he wasn’t all that driven… he wasn’t even a leader in school. he was just this generic guy who happened to be a good dude with some good principles, and then the war happened.

that’s when dick really grew up. he came into his own, became the man he was meant to be. he grew into himself as a leader and figured out who he was. 

and it turns out, he’s a really great guy.

he’s the sort of person not built for war or violence. he just does his duty. that’s what he’s good at, and he still goes above and beyond for the people he’s leading. that’s what makes dick winters stand out more than anything else.

he’s such a noble guy, and so humble. he deserves all the credit he gets.

Lewis Nixon

the thing about nix is that he has a lot of issues?? and i really feel like the fandom both pays too much and too little attention to them. or pays attention to them in the wrong ways. i dont know.

nix is an alcoholic. this is a disease, and he struggles as it worsens throughout the series. he also probably suffers from PTSD, or at least some pretty heavily guilt, and i think he lays a lot of that blame on himself.

overall, nix is a very interesting, very HUMAN character. he was portrayed in the show masterfully – i think the real lewis nixon would have been proud to see himself on screen.

i love nix at his best – witty, charming, and happy. at his worst (see: why we fight) he’s a lot harder to love, but through it all he’s very human and very vulnerable. i think he’s an exceptional and interesting character.

Carwood Lipton

okay, first, why is his name what it is (is that?? a thing??? what the hell is a carwood??? like, what does it mean??)

besides that, carwood lipton is a fantastic dude

lip bears the responsibility for a lot of other guys. that’s just the sort of guy he is. he’s willing to lead, but mostly he protects others, and is willing to put his own wellbeing on the line to do it.

lip is a team player, but he’s also very shrewd. he knows how to talk to people. he’s able to tell them what they want to hear, and make himself seem nonoffensive while trying to get his men what they need. the way he handles himself in the ardennes with dike is so careful, but he advocates for them masterfully.

lip is also not afraid to speak up if he feels he can make a difference. he’s not afraid of a lot of things, but he’s far from a reckless man.

he’s also??? such a great guy?? so levelheaded and good.

i really appreciate carwood lipton, okay

Ronald Speirs

my first thought about speris was, “hmm, his name sounds stabby.” lo and behold, he was.

i’m so interested in speirs. i think he’s an incredibly complex character and it’s hard not to be fascinated by him. he just kind of draws you in.

he’s... unnerving. a little scary. weird, intelligent, startling, clever, and so, so fascinating. no matter what, he’s an enigma, and i feel like no one can ever truly figure out ron speirs.

that said, he’s a hell of a fun puzzle to try to solve.

Harry Welsh

i fell in love with harry the moment he did his little “thunder” thing, and flashed that smirk which send me head-over-heels. 

there’s just… something about him, okay?? he’s a shamelss romantic, he’s a tease, he’s so dedicated and sharp and funny, and i… i love him.

he’s a crazy bastard, has got the luck of the irish, and is almost as short as me. harry is my guy and i’d kill someone for him.

Eugene Roe

i just knew roe as the medic at first, and i read a lot about him before i actually started to know him. i knew he was cajun, was sort of serious, and that bastogne was his episode

i actually find gene really interesting because of everything he keeps locked away. he’s the definition of “still waters run deep” and i find his internal struggle between saving lives and having blood on his hands fascinating.

he’s also so humble, and clever, and will put himself on the line for the men it’s his job to save. he takes his job seriously, and is the best medic easy could ask for.

he’s so... compassionate?? so great?? he’s fantastic.

Babe Heffron

i’ll admit when i first heard babe’s name i laughed out loud, because??? “babe?? his name’s BABE?? tell me that’s not his actual name”

it wasn’t. i was a little relieved.

aside from that

he’s so great!! so great! 

he’s such a good guy, and so genuine. there’s nothing artificial about him. he’s true to himself and to others, and maybe that’s what i love most about him. 

he’s very upfront, very loyal to his own feelings and motivations – esp to his people. babe is fiercely devoted to his people.

he’s also such a nice guy. he actively goes around trying to encourage other people, to make them feel better, and he’s not afraid to show his own emotions. he’s tough, he’s firey, but he’s also very genuine and that’s why i think he’s such a cool guy. (also he’s a dork, so that helps.)

Bill Guarnere

i actually couldn’t recognize him by face for a while. all i pinned him with was “squeaky voice guy” because he does have… a very distinctive… voice. (babe is just as bad, though. those south philly boys, i swear…)

aside from my first impression, i really didn’t like bill for most of the first episode. the whole “he’s a jew” incident left a horrible taste in my mouth, and i thought, “well, this guy’s gonna be a jerk.”

bill surprised me, however. he could be a jerk, but he was also a great guy when it counted. he’s a good man in a storm, and it was around episode four that he really started to grow on me.

bill is loyal to a fault, he’s fearless, he cares so much. he’s a tough guy, but when something matters to him, he doesn’t give up on it.

if it wasn’t for bill, easy company’s camaraderie would not have lasted over the years. bill did so much, he was such an amazing guy, and i really appreciate him a lot.

bill guarnere rocks, okay

Frank Perconte

he’s so small, petty, and bitchy. he’s literally me.

i have such a soft spot for frank, okay? i don’t talk about him much but i’d go ride-or-die for him, because i RELATE, okay? i’m that friend who’s always worried about how i look, who complains a little too much, but who’s always there when his friends need him. sometimes i overreact, sometimes i’m stubborn, but i’ll do my best for my friends

(i’m like a really weird hybrid of web and perco. i don’t know.)

George Luz

i actually barely noticed him until i started scrolling through tumblr after watching the first episode. the first BoB blog i found was devoted to george, so i got a crash course in how great he was. i developed a healthy appreciation for my boy.

now, what would i do without george luz?

george is the heart of easy co, and keeps up their spirit in the darkest times. he’s supportive, he’s witty, and he boosted the morale of the entire company. without them, things would have been a whole lot darker.

he’s also not afraid to get sassy, which i appreciate. he tells it like it is.

he would shoot a chicken for biting him. while i do not condone this, i respect him for it. i, too, might try to kill someone if they bit me.

how much do i love george luz??? a hell of a lot.

Skip Muck

long before i knew his name i recognized him as the guy from supernatural, so i was like, “holy shit, it’s THAT guy!” then i read his name was skip, thought about the character, and was like, “yeah, sounds about right.”

i love skip, okay? he’s just the best guy. he’s the best friend, the most caring parson -- he’s heroic, he’s charming, he’s optimistic and funny.

skip never lost his faith in a brighter future. he loved his friends and family more than anything else. he died trying to bring his friend to safety, and if there’s an honorable sort of death, that would be it.

i would do anything for skip muck. he deserves so much better.

Donald Malarkey

my first thought when the show introduced us to malarkey was, “well, someone got the short end of the naming stick.”

i don’t feel as strongly about malarkey as i do about the other characters. i like him, to be sure, i just... he never stood out to me as much.

he’s a really great guy, and the emotional journey he goes on is shocking. he starts the war as one man, and ends it as another. seeing all that malarkey loses is terrible.

Joe Toye

it actually took me a long time to recognize joe in the show! i remembered him as “puppy dog eyes” for a little while tbh

i thought of joe as a tough, gruff, sort of stoic guy from the beginning, and that’s not too far off. he is tough as nails, that’s for sure.

but i find joe most interesting because of the softer side that he isn’t as willing to show. joe is a guy who’s deeply affected by things. his loyalty to his comrades is his strongest trait, but he also has an intense emotional side.

joe struggled with self-esteem issues. he cared for others with all his might. he took the events of the war hard enough that it took him years to recover.

joe’s emotional side is the most fascinating thing about him, in my opinion, and i love him for it.

Joseph Liebgott

the first ever clip i watched from BoB was the concentration camp scene, ft. winters shouting liebgott’s name very loudly, multiple times. “well,” i thought, “that sounds like a german name. this guy must speak german.” then i saw liebgott’s face, and it all spiralled from there.

joe liebgott is a complicated guy, okay

he’s so angry, and has every right to be. liebgott’s rage manifests itself in the most gut-wrenching, heartbreaking ways. the scene in the concentration camp is the most powerful of the series, and ross plays it so well. liebgott’s range of emotions in that scene is awful to watch.

aside from that, liebgott is an angry guy in general. he’s a little cruel, and he takes his emotions out on others. he’s by no means perfect, but he’s also sarcastic and charming and kind of a brat.

i think you learn the most about liebgott by seeing his interactions with others -- with winters, with webster, even when he offers to blow up sobel. he’s a conflicted, complex character who stands out because of the shades of grey in his own morality.

(he’s also gorgeous. superficial, but true.)

David Webster

the show (and ambrose’s book) were really kind to webster, okay? he wasn’t actually as important as he’s portrayed in the show -- he didn’t play a role in the patrol, he wasn’t on the drive with liebgott -- but i am very fond of the character we were given.

webster is a bit too relatable, okay??

he’s a writer, a little socially awkward, with obsessive interests. he likes thinking he’s smarter than he really is. he’s lazy, but he tells himself he’s following his own morals. he’s also a gifted writer with a strong set of principles and beliefs, who isn’t afraid to speak his mind.

i empathize with webster a bit too much, to be honest.