#and in which case? fuck you. fuck you for not finding life inherently valuable. if you dont care about yourself and your loved ones dying

[rebellum]

"Well, everything is going to die anyways" is such a bizarre take I'm so intrigued

I've seen "humans deserve to die because of what we've done to the earth"

Ive seen "overpopulation is an inevitability of technological advancement at this stage, and we need to counter that Malthus style"

But never such a dismissive "yeah humans are the primary cause for this current (anthopocene) extinction, we are destroying the global ecosystem. Oh well, that's life!"

Like I'm fascinated

If anyone talks with any amount of approval about the potential mass dying of humanity during climate collapse, you can punch that person in the face.

If that person is white, you can punch them twice.

(Technically, unless you are interrupted, nothing is physically stopping you from punching people who trivialize the mass murder of billions of people of color many more times. The ones or twice are just suggestions of what you could do.)

[kendelias]

wait can i know more about gage & rapunzels relationship 🥺

omg ABSOLUTELY tysm for asking <333333

(gonna put this under the cut at a certain point bc it got Long NKDNFKN)

SO. gage has grown up... knowing he was very much The Second Choice. gothel only has (steals in rapunzel's case, and gage wishes in his case, but i'm like 99% sure he's her biological son, to his chagrin) kids to keep them as possessions, so she does keep gage close. but she also always resented gage for not being rapunzel. she thought it'd make her feel better to have another kid, fill the void, but it doesn't, because he doesn't have anything to give her in return. well, besides being something she can keep. so she keeps him, but she lets him know he isn't his sister and he'll never be his sister. she draws up any comparison she can between them - looks, personality, ability, whatever. just to remind him he's less-than, and because he's inherently less valuable, he has a little more slack. he has to leave his tower to attend school, and when gothel leaves on business, he can sneak out and come and go as he pleases (as long as he's back before she is), which is more than rapunzel ever got. sure, he has to find his own way down, but he can still leave. bc (at least to him) his mother cares less. yes, rapunzel was kept, but she was cared about, and gage is freer, but he is hated. so. that's one big fucked-up layer. (and obvs this is gage's twisted mind like. gothel did not love rapunzel but the half-controlling half-uncaring approach she takes with gage really Fucks him up.)

so gage is nothing like his sister. yet at the same time, gage is everything like his sister. of course he thinks about seeing things that aren't on the isle. he's realistic, he's not stupid, he knows it's never gonna happen, he doesn't have any dreams or grand escape plans, but yeah. he thinks about it. especially because of rapunzel. he has her storybook - he stole it from a kid at school and kept it hidden in his room ever since. his mom will kill him if she finds it, but he has to know, and so he knows, and it haunts him. why did she get to get out? why do people care about what happens to her, but not him? why does she get the mother who actually gives a shit, and then gets to marry the prince and ride off in the sunset? does she know about him? does she care? would she come back for him? has she tried? so he envies her, he wants to be her, he resents her, he wants to know her, he misses her, he knows he'll never be like her. all he'll have is the same shitty mom and her shadow to live in, and he'll never be the one to get away or the most-loved or the one with a prince.

and then, THE CRAZY THING HAPPENS, and he gets an opportunity. a once-in-a-lifetime chance to get away. and he takes it. because at the end of the day he IS his sister's brother and he DOES want a better life and he DOES want what she has. and even crazier, he gets it!!! all of it!!!! he gets the prince and the castle and the found family who loves him. it turns out he's EXACTLY like his sister, and they both get to live happily ever after. and YET. she still haunts him. the idea of her looms over him his entire time at auradon. she hasn't come to meet him; does she not want to? does she hate him for being his mother's son? does she not think of him the way he thinks of her?

and then CHAD, of all people, is like. 'well why don't You Go To Her. you can do that. and figure all of that out.' and well why didn't gage think of that! so they go (and they go together, bc gage wasn't gonna go on his OWN, he's a scaredy cat at heart and if he's gonna go meet her prince he's gonna bring his) and just DROP IN bc. dumb and dumber did not plan ahead. (cue Gage and Chad's Big Summer Abroad my beloved.)

and of course rapunzel sees them, and of course she didn't know about him (i like to think the other kingdoms have better stuff to do than keep up with auradon's mess ANLNLNFNK like she probs knew there were vks there, but not aware a Gothel Kid existed, let alone that one was at auradon prep), because she would've. come to get him and taken care of him. and he's skeptical bc it's who he is and resentful bc that's really who he is, and things are awkward and bitter and kind-of tense, because he's spent all this time wanting what she has, resenting her, wanting to know why. but now he has all that, and maybe she has it just as bad (different, but just as), and maybe there was no why. it just happened. and she welcomes him with open arms and she loves him and they're family and it's everything he's ever wanted, but he can't just let himself have this. he has to work for it. they both do.

so it's time to move on, but he doesn't know how (forgiving and forgetting isn't really an isle trait lmao) and it's not just. magically fixable with love, as much as rapunzel wishes it were. but she'll help him get there regardless. there are long, tearful, trauma-bonding conversations to be had, and screws loose in gage's head to pop back in place, and toxic bullshit to be unlearned. so it'll be a long journey to recovery, but one that's worth it. and for once in his life, gage is no longer second, but equal.

[unmeritedunearnedundeserved]

The Shiva And Shakti Analogy

Shiva and Shakti are the Hindu God and Goddess of masculinity and femininity.

In many depictions of Shakti, she is holding the head of a man whose head she's just cut off.

This is a symbolic picture of how the divine feminine accepts nothing less than the divine masculine. And will cut the head off of any man who is weak in his purpose and not grounded deeply in his First Cause Consciousness.

I would now like to bring this allegory into the rhelm of the Law of Attraction.

You see, when using the Law of Attraction, you must be Shiva, the Divine Masculine. Just as a man must be fully erect and maintain his erection in order to penetrate a woman, so to must you remain erect in "First Cause Consciousness". That is, "erect" in your awareness of your own thought being the only cause and power and in your awareness of there being no second cause.

Only then will you be able to penetrate and permeate the world. Which is represented by Shakti, the Divine Feminine.

If you don't maintain your "Shiva Consciousness", through continuous revelations of the Law of Attraction, then you will in effect "lose your erection". That is, lose your consciousness, lose your clarity of purpose, become divided inside and weak.

And thus, fail to pervade Shakti (the world) with your grace, gift and manifestations.

The world doesn't take kindly to weak men. The world accepts nothing but full consciousness and will only allow itself to be penetrated by wholeness and fearless power.

Anything less that this will be met with Shakti's wrath. She will cut your fucking head off.

But the one grounded in the eternal principle of their consciousness, the one who is ripe with the awareness of their own inherent value and power, divorced from the external world and divorced from their performance, Shakti will lavish them with her gifts and grace. (Shiva: "I am not whole and valuable because of __. I am wholeness and value." Shakti: "Take me.")

The Divine feminine wants and accepts nothing less than the Divine Masculine.

And the only way to maintain this presence, this awareness, is by finding the "sweet spot of the present moment" through contemplation of the divine, of your oneness with the First Cause and All Things. Unprofained by externality or sense evidence.

If you remain as Shiva, the world will remain your Shakti. But anything less than Shiva will be punished. The world wants all of you in your pure uncompromised awareness.

The "head" of creation is your imagination. And as long as you abdicate your power to secondary causes, you forfeit your authority and masculinity. Shakti will cut off your head, for you yourself have cut off your own.

FOR EXAMPLE: Many of us have watched a television program known as "better human better dog" hosted by Caeser Millan. (Previously known as the dog wisperer)

In the program, you will watch as Caeser, the dog trainer, will use his CALM CONFIDENT energy to fearlessly guide and direct the dog.

One of my favorite things that Caeser does is he tells the owner to walk their dog down the street.

In which you will watch that the dog is really walking them. The dog will pull and lunge and back and bite.

And then Caeser says, "give me the leash".

And THE MOMENT that Caeser gets ahold of the leash, the dog gives him PERFECT OBEDIENCE.

Caeser does this to prove to the owner beyond any reasonable doubt that the problem is not the dog. The problem is their "heart condition". The energy they feed the dog. The dog is just a mirror.

His most popular quote is "I don't train dogs, I train humans!"

And so like in my allegory above. Caeser goes into his interaction with the dog in full SHIVA CONSCIOUSNESS. And that is why the Dog (Shakti) surrenders to him.

But the other pet parents go into the interaction with there dogs weak in consciousness. Insecure and full of the belief in external causes. And so in this case. Shakti cuts there head off.

Imagine applying this principle in every other area of your life. Imagine going into your relationship with your spouse and children as Shiva.

Imagine going into finances or your career as Shiva.

Being Shiva isn't to be domineering. It is to be fully calm confident in the awareness that you are one with God. And the world, like Shakti to Shiva or like the Dog to Caesar Millan, will quickly surrender and allow itself to be lead by this consciousness.

[bellaslilpapercut]

Brooo this Bad Art Friend situation puts such a bad taste in my mouth. Both of these women sound insufferable in their own way, but there's something really uncomfortable about the way race dynamics entered the equation. I think I understand the direction Larson was taking with her story, and in another context it would be an amazing subject, but I find it really disingenuous of her to claim that she was writing about something "bigger" than Dorland when her comments in the group chat suggest that she projected this whole white savior thing specifically onto Dorland's self-congratulatory, but ultimately race-neutral organ donation. (Then again, I'm white, so I might be doing the exact thing she was talking about where white people and people of color essentially talked past each other in her class.)

I was pissed off by Larson's comparison of being "inspired" by Dorland's posts about her kidney donation to being inspired by a neighbor watering petunias. That's such obvious bullshit to me -- the two things, a life-altering surgery versus a household chore, aren't at all equivalent. Obviously aren't equivalent, because no one writes a fucking cringe letter to their geraniums whenever they turn on the hose. Like, I get it, I know exactly the kind of obnoxious Dorland was probably being on social media, but it doesn't excuse Larson's weaseling around the plagiarism issue. I understand the resistance to having a white person claim an artist of color somehow "owes" credit to them -- broadly, that's a really good point and important concern, but in this case, there would have been no story without Dorland, and especially Dorland's letter.

She's all "It's not about Dawn, I don't care about Dawn," but Larson was obviously hashing out some intense feelings and ideas using Dorland as her punching bag. Which would be absolutely fine...except then she went and published it, and to me the inherent spite undermines what could be valuable messages about race and class. This shit is just embarrassingly petty.

Oooh yea fully agree! I think Sonya knew exactly what she was doing too bc some of the stuff she tells the article author directly contradict stuff she said in the group chat (brilliant writing on the authors part to arrange that the way he did, side note). Like she knew Dawn was "kooky" and called her a gold mine!! Like she knew she wanted to mine this specific vaguely unhinged woman for content and even the other writers in the GC were like "I'm glad you worked your dawn takedown into something that can actually mean something" but dawn starting a private FB page for what she thought were friends and colleagues so she could share her journey, like as kooky as that is, it isn't like "classic white women TM" and was clearly very specific to dawns bizarre schtick of empathy obsession. (also side note i hate that a lot of conversations miss that whiteness behaviorally doesn't exist, you can't act white! It's in how other people react to you. Anyone can play the victim but white women are the ones who have that victim complex nourished. It's weird to me to see anything in dawns actions getting framed as like an Inherently White Thing lol).

I definitely wouldn't wanna meet either woman though. Dawn fully went into online stalker mode, sued for a ridiculous amount of money, and was the one who had this article written instead of heading to r/AITA lol. I think Sonya and the group chat are meanspirited and disingenuous though and that if Sonya had just had a smidgen of shame when dawn was messaging her frantically about the fiction piece- like enough to maybe...delete the fucking plagiarized letter from the piece!- then this could have been avoided. Also could have been avoided if dawn didn't feel the need to message people who didn't like her FB posts! There was never a point in the whole article where I was like "ah yes a decision that makes sense" it was just constant escalation lmfao.

[troquantary]

Didyme, Part 2: Something, Something, Plato's Allegory of the Cave

Continuing from here, and we’re doing sub-parts for this bit. I’m genuinely surprised I had this much to say. (And fun fact, I almost lost the entire goddamn post, but fortunately I was copy-pasting into Word just in case. Not today, Satan.)

2.1. What Canon Tells Us

Didyme’s murder by Aro (and with Caius’ apparent assistance, either during or afterwards), is only mentioned on the page in Life and Death, the 10th Anniversary gender-swapped version of Twilight. Edythe/Edward mentions it briefly when discussing the painting of the leaders Carine/Carlisle brought back from Volterra, but it’s just background information with little narrative weight. I bring it up just to highlight Caius’ involvement and knowledge -- I’ll get back to that.

Now, here’s the “canon” backstory we have to work with. Per the illustrated guide, Didyme was Aro’s younger sister, and he turned her at some point after meeting Marcus, Caius, and Athenadora. Interestingly, the Guide doesn’t say anything about Aro returning to Didyme out of brotherly love; apparently he just wanted to see if she would have a powerful gift like his, only to be underwhelmed (”disappointed,” according to his Guide entry) by her actual ability -- she made people happy just by being around them. Then she and Marcus fell in love, sharing “the strongest romantic bond of any of the Volturi” (from Marcus’ Guide entry), and this prompted a suddenly very single Aro to seek out his own mate, Sulpicia. The Guide says Didyme “distracted” Marcus from Aro’s goals, and that the pair eventually made plans to split off on their own, leading Aro to murder Didyme so he could hold onto Marcus and his valuable gift. Although nothing written so far suggests that Aro even liked his sister, the Guide does state that Aro “truly loved her” and that his grief upon killing Didyme was genuine.

Apparently Caius’ role in all is was something Meyer thought up later, because none of the leaders’ Guide entries mention him being in on it. (You can’t see me, but I’m staring pointedly at Part One.)

2.2. Fuck Canon, Actually

(This just seemed like the funniest place for a cut. Continued below~)

I’ll be honest with you, person who’s persistent/unfortunate enough to still be here: very little about this murder scenario makes sense to me. I’m going to start with the “disappointing” nature of Didyme’s gift and that it was supposedly much less useful to Aro than Marcus’, because that’s just...stupid, frankly, and there’s no way Aro would have missed the inherent utility of Didyme’s gift. I don’t even have to read into anything to get this idea -- the Guide itself shows us how useful it is! It says right there in Marcus’ entry that Aro went off to turn Didyme, and returned with his sister, “along with the first members of the guard -- vampires who were drawn to Didyme’s aura of happiness.” That is a direct quote.

Just -- I practically shrieked when I read that. You’re telling me that Didyme’s gift was the stated reason their coven got its first subordinates, and I’m supposed to believe that Aro thought that was disappointing? Fuck off! Fuck off!! Even if Didyme’s happiness aura isn’t as powerful as Corin’s opium haze, well, Aro doesn’t have Corin yet, does he? He has every reason in the world to want to keep Didyme around, drawing other vampires to his cause -- even if most of those vampires aren’t gifted or skilled enough to join the guard, it’s still good PR.

At this early stage in the Volturi’s rise to power, it isn’t a good time to lose Didyme -- or any of his inner coven, really. Yet Aro apparently considered her disposable enough that he killed her. I can’t square this with what we know about Aro: that he’s still coherent despite holding god-knows how many people’s lives in his head; that he’s very intelligent; that he’s cunning, charming, and persuasive. Aro, once he learned they were thinking about leaving, would have tried to talk to Didyme and Marcus and done everything in his power to convince them to stay just a bit longer, until the Volturi’s position was more secure. And maybe he did; the timeline of all this is hazy, but nothing in the Guide suggests that Aro jumped straight to duplicity and murder. Clearly, though, whatever negotiations or arguments he presented failed. So what does their desire to leave the Volturi at this critical stage say about Didyme, or Marcus for that matter?

2.3. What It Says About Didyme and Marcus (Mostly Headcanon)

Brace yourself, because we’re into full headcanon territory now. To follow me, please refer to @therealvinelle ‘s meta about the larger mission of the Volturi and why they’re necessary, because I’m starting from the perspective that the Volturi are ultimately a force working in vampires’ and humans’ favor. While Meyer and the Guide would have you believe that Aro’s just power-hungry, actually looking at the impact of the Volturi and the benefits of enforcing secrecy shows that his broader vision isn’t just world domination, but establishing a world in which vampires and humans can both thrive and endure. There’s no way the rest of the inner coven was unaware of this goal; we know Aro talks a lot, so he’s certainly talked his coven’s ears off about this.

Now, we know very little about Marcus and what he was like before he was all dead inside. Based on what would be a logical balance of personalities, with Aro as lead decision-maker and Caius as ruthless enforcer, it seems likely that Marcus was originally the voice of reason and/or mercy. I also think Marcus would have had a strong sense of duty. The Guide says that Aro was the first friend Marcus had as a vampire, and I believe that Marcus cared about him very much and was committed to the Volturi. I think he would have been genuinely conflicted about leaving, especially considering the stabler, safer world the Volturi have been striving to build, and which they haven’t yet secured. Again, it’s a very bad time for any of the leadership to split off -- but in the end, Marcus and Didyme are going to do it anyway.

What for, though? Why leave? @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin has an interesting take on that question here: that Didyme saw that she and Marcus would be locked into the Volturi life and a thankless existence for eternity and tried to opt out while she still could. I like it a lot, it’s a great post and that scenario makes sense, but the tone of it feels...too forgiving. Maybe that’s because I’m evil. But the way I see it, given the magnitude of the Volturi’s mission, and its (at best) very tenuous grip on power at the time Marcus and Didyme plan to leave (they haven’t even defeated the Romanians yet), jeopardizing the entire operation so that they can pursue their romance unburdened strikes me as...well, fundamentally selfish on some level, so much that I find myself side-eyeing Didyme and Marcus for it. Although to be clear, it’s not the desire to live their own lives apart from the Volturi that I find selfish, just the timing of their departure.

Honestly, I’d like not to vilify another female character if I don’t have to. Given everything I’ve just said, I see Didyme in much the same way as I see Bella: not a bad person, but someone with definite selfish tendencies. At best, she’s likely short-sighted or naive if she doesn’t see how leaving the Volturi at this stage is fucking them over in a big way. However, I hesitate to read into the happiness aura as a straightforward indication of Didyme’s fundamental goodness; I think she probably was kind, charming, and delightful to be around, hence the nature of her gift -- but that capacity for selfishness is still there. (I’m certain Meyer wants us to take her gift as proof of Didyme’s goodness, to reinforce how evil Aro is for killing her...but I think I’ve made my disdain for what Meyer wants me to think pretty clear.)

2.4. MURDER MOST FOUL

I am not saying it was justifiable or okay for Aro to murder his sister. I’m really not. It’s actually better, from a character standpoint, that it isn’t okay -- that Aro has to carry this with him for the rest of his life while Marcus sits in the throne next to him, reduced to a husk, so that in effect Aro has lost them both after all. It’s got that Greek tragedy element @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin​ mentioned in her post. (Even better from that standpoint, the Guide implies that Aro found Chelsea relatively soon after killing Didyme, which compounds the tragedy.) I mean, it’s terrible, and it hurts me because I love Aro, but it’s compelling stuff.

What I am saying is, I can see how their insistence on leaving might have deeply hurt and offended him. And that brings me to my issue with the calculated murder scenario the Guide gives us -- I still think Didyme’s gift is too valuable for Aro to throw away by killing her in cold...venom (or whatever), even as the price for keeping Marcus in the fold. Plus, there’s the fact that Aro does love Didyme, and I imagine her gift makes it very difficult for people to think of harming her...when they’re calm, anyway.

Yeah, the only way I can really see the murder happening is if Aro killed Didyme in the heat of an argument about her leaving, possibly even by accident -- except you can’t accidentally kill a vampire, can you? It’s a very deliberate process wherein you have to dismember them and burn every piece, which also means it probably takes long enough that any irrational, overwhelming rage would wear off before you were done. But now that you’ve started....

I mean, at that point it would certainly be awkward to put your half-rubble sister back together, and Aro would be in a whole other load of shit even if he did. It’s possible, given what we’re told, that Aro could have lashed out and yanked Didyme’s head off before snapping out of it, only to realize that his sole option now is to finish the job. If he doesn’t kill Didyme now, she and Marcus won’t just leave, they’ll be sworn enemies of Aro from then on. And thanks to Didyme’s gift being the draw for a lot of the guard, and the inherently bad look of a leader who would brutally attack his own sister, a chunk of the guard would probably leave with them, destroying Aro’s plans. No, the only way to salvage it is to follow through.

Then Aro has to call in Caius for help with the cover-up, because it wasn’t actually planned and it’s just pure luck that no one walked in on the murder as it was happening.

And maybe Aro learns a hard lesson about learning to let people walk away, leaving the possibility open that they could be drawn in again. Because if Aro had just waited, he would have found Chelsea, and with her gift he could have had Marcus and Didyme back again.

Assuming everything didn’t fall apart as soon as they left, of course. But that’s a whole other what-if scenario.

[bayofbalar]

I’m doing an assertiviness training because I’m tired of getting conversationally mowed over by men who think they are competent (spoiler alert: they’re not) (my current foreman literally thought that the plural of ‘schroef’ was ‘schroefen’ - I am in physical pain).

It’s really interesting! The course is given by a coach/psychologist, who specialises in children’s therapy, especially for kids who fall in the gifted and/or highly sensitive labels. As such I do think she has a decent perspective on her target audience, and it goes a lot deeper than just some verbal tricks for assertiveness; she also dips into potential reasons for why everyone struggles with it.

It’s a pretty diverse group with 8 other women and 1 guy (apparently this is rare, normally it’s more of a 70-30 ratio (and I had kind of wished there were more men in the group? just because I’m curious about... idk, men being more sensitive and open)). I’ve already been doing a lot of soul searching and this being the first time I’m in a larger group of women (barring horse-related things, which, as far as I can tell, is always fucked over by a ton of judgement stemming from internalised misogyny) and just... feel safe, and I like all the other women. There’s some people with really horrifying shit having happened to them, and it showed me that you genuinely cannot tell by appearance OR behaviour whatever someone might be going through at home.

The trainer has mentioned that I could possibly be “gifted” (not diagnosing, just saying I should look into it (and you know, not self-diagnose but you can get out of it whtaver you want)). I looked it up and jfc, so many (read, all or nearly all) points are so recognisable. It would not surprise me if it were the case, even though I won’t seek official diagnosis. If it were true, esp. combined with the HSP part, it would explain a lot of the issues I’ve run into in life and parts of which made me suspect I had some sort of neurodivergency going on (be that ADD or some milder form of autism spectrum (both of which are diagnosed in my second-degree family)). It would definitely explain why I have had such issues with school and always feeling like I underperformed there, as well as just... communication issues and/or this inherent feeling of being “different”. I dislike the association with the term as an arrogant or elitist thing, but I think that ‘wired differently’ is an adequate description that casts no judgement on anybody.

But even if it isn’t the case, though I think it is - it did manage to make me find teacher jargon for the way I think and learn, which in itself is super valuable information. I can now finally explain to people how I need shit explained to me! Turns out that (of fucking course) it’s the literal opposite way that the majority of teaching methods is set up in this country. It explains... so much about why I failed so bad at beta subjects, even though I have way fewer problems with the subject matter now.

[rpmemesbyarat]

As someone in the Marvel RPC, I see a lot of “my character was kidnapped/created in a lab and turned into the perfect weapon” or “my character was captured by scientists because she was an alien/supernatural creature/etc and they wanted to study her” and inevitably, both involve a lot of gratutitous torture. The key word being “gratuitous”. Either due to wanting drama or being misinformed by popular media depictions of such things (Bucky Barnes, Laura Kinney, etc) the general assumption of fandom seems to be that scientists are basically sadists and that “experiments” are little more than exercises in how to cause their character the most pain possible. The thing is though, a lot of the reasoning for all this is. . . bad. And while canon ---be it Marvel or something else-- may do that, I would also like to discuss more realistic options and point out a few general mistaken assumptions or things people don’t tend to think of. - If a bunch of scientists are trying to create an augmented supersoldier, “perfect life form”, or whatever, that’s not an experiment, that’s a PROJECT. There is a big difference between the two. - Who/what is your character being created or augmented to fight? No one is gonna spend the time/money/effort to make a supersoldier just to have one around for fun. The enemy they are supposed to face or job they are supposed to do is going to influence EVERYTHING about the abilities they’re given and how they are “designed” not to mention how much independent thinking it’s practical to give them. For instance, for some jobs, being able to think and make decisions on their own will be a must, and that’s a risk. For others, there’s really no need to leave their free will intact if you can avoid it. Someone being “built” for espionage will be much different than someone being designed as a living tank. Likewise if someone is going to be sent into a desert environment versus expected to go for long periods underwater, and so on. Knowing what they’re designed to be going up against is CRUCIAL. - Why are living weapons the best option to fight this thing? Because generally speaking, there can be a lot more disadvantages to those than to guns and guided missiles and androids and shit. What about this enemy required a lving sentient supersoldier instead? - If a specimen is rare or valuable, it’s unlikely that it’s going to be dissected or otherwise treated in a way that will deliberately damage it. Your characters might FEAR that if they’re found the men in white coats might “cut them up” but this is actually unlikely. If scientists are trying to learn about something and it’s not a thing they can easily replace, they’re going to try to do so WITHOUT destroying or damaging it. The reason that real-life lab animals are treated so callously is because there’s lots of them, and we already know a lot about how they all work. When a scientist dissects a lab mouse, they’re not losing anything when it dies. If the first alien on Earth dies, or some super-soldier they worked really hard to create dies, they’re losing either a lot of potential information that can’t be gained anywhere else, or something they worked really hard to create and won’t be able to do again without a lot of time or effort. They are going to want to avoid that, and in this age of ultrasounds, X-Rays, and other non-invasive technology, that’s very easily done, especially in a setting where they probably have higher level tech than the real world if they’re creating super-soldiers and such in the first place. And they definitely have NO REASON to want to cut a specimen up ALIVE. - If their goal is to study a person or creature, such as the aforementioned alien, or a mermaid, or whatever else, they actually will probably want to avoid causing it stress. Stress causes behavioral changes as well as physiological ones, and if this is a never-before-seen or rarely-examined species/person, scientists will want to examine them in their default state first. Once they’ve learned everything they can about them in their “normal” state, then, yes, they may begin to deliberately induce stress to study what changes. However, they’re still likely to try to avoid damaging the specimen or inducing ill-health in it (which prolonged and/or serious stress can do) Again, the reason that regular lab animals get treated like their lives don’t matter is because THEY DON’T. Lab mice, dogs, etc., are just models for which to study humans most of the time and have well-documented behavior and physiology, they’re not rare or unknown creatures. So the approach is completely different. A literal or figurative unicorn would not be treated like that. - Likewise, if this specimen is something that was created (or augmented from an existing animal/person) it’s unlikely that the scientists are going to torture them, either for fun or through painful “tests”. Again, they don’t want to damage their hard work, either through physically wrecking them or through reducing them to a useless traumatized heap. It doesn’t matter if the scientists are mean cruel people without a bit of kindness or empathy, it’s impractical. If this being was created for a purpose, fucking it up (or turning it against you) defeats that purpose. And whoever is funding them isn’t going to be happy about that. And if whoever is funding them is the one who wanted to torture this creature/person. . . why do they need it to be specially modified or whatever? That really doesn’t make much sense, especially considering it’s virtually guaranteeing that this thing you have GIVEN SUPER POWERS TO is going to want to murder you. - Sure, it’s possible that one person on the staff might just personally be a sadistic bully or have a grudge against the character/creation even when none of the others do, like Kimura with Laura Kinney, but in all likelihood they’d be found out and fired. “But they take pains to hide it and erase security footage and--” Okay, if you really really want that, you can find a way to do it. Just know it’s not at all going to be acceptable procedure even in the most illegal of operations, not because it’s morally wrong but because it fucks with the product. And I would also ask yourself---if your character is already a lab rat, do they need to be tortured as well? Why? What does that add? Does it not feel “traumatic” or “dark” enough that they, a presumably sentient being, is already owned and imprisoned and kept from anything approaching a normal life? Why is that not “bad enough” to you that their story needs over-the-top torture as well? I’m not saying you can’t do it. I’m saying to think about why you’re doing it. Because a lot of times, in my experience, it basically comes down to cheap angst and sympathy points, often at the expense of, as discussed, logic. - “But they want to make them loyal out of fear!” Okay. That works only up until they get an opportunity to escape. Because if they’re afraid, they’ll take that chance. It’s true they might be too afraid to even try---that’s the case for many abuse victims---but I’m not sure that an organization wants to gamble that will be the case and risk losing their valuable asset the moment send asset is put in the field. And, again, risk the damage to them. This one is doable, you just have to be logical about it and think from the perspective of the people running things, not from the perspective of “what’s the most dramatic?” - “But it’s to brainwash them!” Brainwashing does not mean constant egregious torture that just somehow magically produces sudden loyalty one day. I know that tons of movies and comics have showed you this, but torture does NOT brainwash people. It actually makes people MORE resistant and hateful towards the people and group doing it. People under torture may confess to anything to make it stop, but that’s a short-term compliance and far from actually altering their minds in any way. It most certainly does not render them into obedient loyal sheep; typically the reverse, in fact. If you want to read more about this misconception and what the reality is, I’d check out these posts HERE and HERE and HERE which go much more in-depth and cite real-life sources. If you would like to read more about actual brainwashing, HERE and HERE . - “The torture is necessary for their training!” Again, this works to a point, but most people take it absurdly far in their depictions. Training is to build a person up; if it grievously injures or mentally traumatizes them, that’s counter-productive, as it decreases their usefulness. Being pointlessly cruel to your “living weapon” is just counter-productive. Training can certainly still be intense, and even un-ethically or dangerously so, but if it crosses into just coming up with ridiculously over-the-top ways to make the character suffer, it’s too OTT and clearly for angst-fuel, and most readers will probably roll their eyes because it’s just ridiculous after a certain point. Here are some good articles from SPRINGHOLE.NET relevant to this topic: Things To Know If Your Character Will Be Augmented Or Experimented Upon Things About Training & Teaching Writers Need To Know Tips For Writing Dark Stories, Settings, & Characters Pointlessly Edgy Tropes To Reconsider Using Basic Tips To Create Better Characters With Tragic & Traumatic Backstories Note that this is not to say that your lab rat character cannot have been mistreated, abused, or otherwise traumatized by their situation. Indeed, it would be unrealistic if they were NOT, since treating a sentient being as a tool under the control of others and having them commit violence, even if they do so “willingly” because they don’t know any better, is an inherently traumatic thing. But because it’s inherently traumatic, the unrealistic torture porn is just that much more unnecessary and frankly kind of silly. It’s also lazy, and the ways that many writers go about make no actual sense, as has been discussed. Going back to examples from Marvel, a favorite little-known X-Men character of mine is Darkstar, aka Laynia Petrovna. Laynia and her twin brother Nicolai were mutants born in the USSR. They were taken away by the state at birth, and raised by government scientist Professor Phobos in a “school” (read: facility) for super-soldiers. They were trained in combat and taught to be loyal to the USSR above all else. They were also told that their parents had abandoned them (when in fact their mother died in childbirth, and their father was told they had died too) and were NOT told that they were siblings, instead being given different surnames so that their familial loyalty would not supersede their loyalty to the Soviet Union. It wasn’t until they were adults and discovered their bio-father during a mission that they ever found out they were related. Yet, despite this, and despite occasionally joining superhero teams in the USA (Champions) or aiding the X-Men (X-Corps), Laynia has remained loyal to her country first, though she has often turned her back on its government (though she has returned to serving it now that the USSR is no more) What I really like about Laynia’s backstory is how different it is from most “I was raised as a weapon” stories in that it lacks overt abuse or trauma. She seems to have been treated just fine, she was never tortured, there was never shown to be any needlessly brutal training or treatment of her and the others, etc. She was raised to be a loyal servant to the state, and she was treated in a way that would actually facilitate that, and IT WORKED. So many scientists/trainers/etc in fiction seem to think it’s a great idea to treat your living weapon in ridiculously over-the-top violent, abusive ways for no real reason (except, of course, THE DRAMAZ) and will often be portrayed as insanely sadistic towards their pet projects…even though that’s obviously the LAST thing you would want to do with a valuable asset that you wanted to be loyal to you and have no desire to escape or turn sides. And as I said, it WORKS with Laynia. One of her biggest and most constant struggles FROM THE START is her loyalty to her country, versus her own conscience when she’s asked to do things she finds questionable. She also finds out again and again that she’s been lied to or manipulated by the people in charge of her, and sometimes she’ll defect, but she always ends up back again. And while she’s angry at the things that government asks her to do to others, or has done to others, she never really questions what was done to her. We never see her actually being like “holy shit, I was kidnapped and brainwashed and exploited and I’m really fucking angry about this!” like so many characters in similar situations realize (and often very quickly despite supposed brainwashing; even when still “loyal” they’re usually portrayed as hating their captors) And you know why? Because, again, what was done to her WORKED. Like she has a MOMENT in the issue where she finds out her real history and vows she won’t blindly follow a government ever again, but…she still sticks with the USSR, then Russian, government. She may not be “blindly” following, but she doesn’t seem ever able to leave them for long either. And her brother Nicolai/Vanguard strays even less than she does. And the writers never focus much on this. There’s never been a story that focuses on Laynia’s mindset or giving her a journey that helps her grow in any way or even just examines all this. Partly I think that’s because she’s so minor and has never had a story IN GENERAL that focuses on her. Partly I think it’s because writers just aren’t INTERESTED in a story like hers UNLESS it involves all the dramatic grimdark “tortured test subject” cliches, and they assume readers aren’t either. But I think this does a disservice to readers. One of my pet peeves, perhaps my MAJOR and BIGGEST one, about abuse in fiction is that it is ALWAYS portrayed as BLATANT and EXTREME, committed by people who are OBVIOUSLY monsters and who act like said monsters 24/7. They might get a shallow charming veneer to fool people, but the victim and audience both know that under that they’re un-nuanced, two-dimensional demons. And some abusers are like that. Some abuse is super extreme. But lots of abusers are much more nuanced, and lots of abuse is far for subtle. If only the most extreme types of abuse and abuser are portrayed, that’s all people learn to recognize “real abuse” as being. And real-life victims of abuse already have enough problems feeling that they weren’t “really abused” or “abused enough” to qualify. So I think stories like Laynia’s are important, and they’re worth exploring. They don’t treat abuse as torture porn, something to lingeringly emphasize to the audience in every gory detail for sheer shock value even when it makes NO SENSE for what the abuser is trying to accomplish. Instead, her story makes sense for what the government and its scientists employees were trying to do, and it has an accordingly realistic effect on her that manifests in a far less subtle but no less meaningful way than dramatic “media portrayals of PTSD” cliches. And it’s a story I’d be interested in seeing more of and finally unpacking fully, if any writer ever steps up to the plate ready to treat it with the sensitivity it deserves. Not every story of this sort needs to be like Laynia’s. But not every story of this type needs to be like Logan’s either. Figure out what works best for your character, question why you want it and what purpose it serves, and just make it make sense.

[missfay49]

Who is Orange?

Disclaimer: Please enjoy?  Accept?  Beware?  This… Thing that started out as character analysis and turned into a deranged fanfic, because I experienced a literal revelation mid-way through free writing.  I did not clean this up much because I’m still reeling from the theory implications myself.  I cursed a lot.

~

What does Orange Side represent?

What do we know?

Orange is a “Dark Side”, defined as being one of the Sides hidden from C!Thomas.

The other Hidden Sides were Janus, Remus, and Virgil.

All the Hidden Sides were hidden due to a key aspect of their character that C!Thomas had to first acknowledge and then accept.  Virgil required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he had heightened anxiety and accept that anxiety isn’t inherently wrong, just a different form of information that can be processed.  Remus required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he had intrusive thoughts and accept that those thoughts don’t make him evil; they’re just thoughts.  Janus required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he was capable of lying and accept that acting “selfishly” sometimes isn’t just okay, but actually critically important to managing stress.

 What are the common themes here?  

Confronting the reality about ourselves instead of pretending some traits don’t exist.

Understanding ourselves to be more complex than ‘good’ and ‘evil’.

Addressing mental health.  

Orange Side is still hidden, but we can expect him to be something C!Thomas doesn’t want to (or isn’t ready to) acknowledge.  Something that would be difficult to accept about oneself.  All Hidden Sides fall under the jurisdiction of Janus, so let’s take another look at him.

In “Can Lying Be Good?” we get a lot of information about what Janus’ purpose is:

Roman: It you really don’t want to know something, he… can keep our mouths shut.

Logan: You don’t want to believe it.  That’s where his power comes from.  Things that you want to believe.  Things that you wish were true.  And things that you wish weren’t.

Deceit: What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

This all means that Orange Side is something that would cause C!Thomas distress to learn and something he subconsciously wishes weren’t true.  This is not new information to most of you: the spin-off interpretations of Apathy and Pride are widely popular fandom theories, traits that are typically viewed as negative in large doses.

But the Hidden Sides being seen as something negative isn’t their only defining characteristic.  They typically involve an aspect a mental health, involve societal expectations, and... what is it...

Janus is the umbrella over all the other Hidden Sides, sheltering and obscuring them from view. He is the gatekeeper in a very literal sense.  What is he gatekeeping?  

What is it?  What is it what is it, why?  What does he do?  What seems bad but isn’t?  What can he do?  What issue is actually useful?  What’s useful what’s useful WHATS USEFUL WHATS USEFUL?!  WHY DOES IT HAVE TO USEFUL?

shitshitSHITSHISTHISTSTs

I KEPT ASKING MYSELF, WHAT’S USEFUL?  WHAT TRAIT COULD IT BE THAT APPEARS BAD, BUT ISN’T BAD, IS ACTUALLY USEFUL.  ANIEXTY WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE WAS JUST LOOKING OUT FOR US.  LYING WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO PUT C!THOMAS FIRST.  INTRUSIVE CREATIVITY WAS OKAY BECAUSE DARK IDEAS OPEN UP NEW PATHS.

But the whole GODDAMN POINT is ACCEPTANCE!  

You don’t HAVE to be useful to be accepted.  You – yuo just BE.  YOU BE!

PEOPLE don’t have to prove their Usefulness to you before you can treat them with respect.  Our WORTH does not depend on what we PRODUCE. YE GODS, THE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE I JUST BROKE-

~~~

C!Thomas comes back from his self-care stay-cation.  He’s ready to start production, he is rested and refreshed.  BUT JUST LIKE EVERY PREVIOUS DILEMMA, it isn’t Good enough, Original enough, Fast enough.  He’s done everything right, why is it still wrong?  He’s accepted his anxiety, he’s accepted that things aren’t just black and white, he’s Accepted That It’s OKAY to have Dark Thoughts, he Has ACCEPTED SELF_CARE.  Why Isn’t IT ENOUGH?!

“Fuck it.”  

C!Thomas spins in his chair, looking at a man that looks just like him, but not quite.

“What?”

“Fuck it.  Fuck them.”

“You sound like Remus,” Thomas jokes.  He’s lying, of course.  He’s nervous. The Side looks like a normal guy, but something about him is unsettling.  The unidentified Side just presses his lips together, unimpressed.

“Um, ef w-who, exactly?” Thomas asks, but part of him already knows.

“All of them.  Every person who isn’t you.  Every person who expects something from you.”

“Now, you sound like Janus.” Thomas looks back at the computer screen, but the Side’s retort has him spinning around again.  

“Janus is a short-sighted pseudo-rebellious minion of a capitalistic society, just like the rest of them.”

“Uh, excuse me?!”

“Isn’t it obvious? They’re all obsessed with Success. Whether they want to play by the rules, or manipulate them, or break them, whether it’s making money or pumping out good deeds, they’re still just trying to make you be successful within the framework of a system that prioritizes production over a human life.”

Thomas just stares for a moment before he can find his voice.

“Who are you?”

“Dude, seriously?”  He waves his hands, palms up and presenting himself.  “I’m Achilleus.  I’m your motivation.”

~~~

Take a deep breath and follow me down the research black hole, where every topic I looked up was more and more terrifyingly appropriate: 

Freedom

noun

the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

Self-Determination

noun

the process by which a person controls their own life.

Autonomy

noun

(in Kantian moral philosophy) the capacity of an agent to act in accordance with objective morality rather than under the influence of desires.

Autonomic Nervous System (because i believe each Hidden Side is closer to the subconscious)

noun

the part of the nervous system responsible for control of the bodily functions not consciously directed, such as breathing, the heartbeat, and digestive processes.

Inherent Value

“inherent value in the case of animal ethics can be described as the value an animal possesses in its own right, as an end-in-itself” – Animal Rights – Inherent Value, by Saahil Papar

Intrinsic Value

“Intrinsic value has traditionally been thought to lie at the heart of ethics. Philosophers use a number of terms to refer to such value. The intrinsic value of something is said to be the value that that thing has “in itself,” or “for its own sake,” or “as such,” or “in its own right.”” – Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Value, by Michael J. Zimmerman and Ben Bradley

“Finally, his sense of respect for the intrinsic value of entities, including the non-sentient, is the Kantian notion of the inherent value of all Being.  This is based on the notion that a universe without moral evaluators (e.g. humans) would still be morally valuable, and there is no reason not to regard Being as inherently morally good.” – Technology and the Trajectory of Myth, by David Grant, Lyria Bennett Moses

Motivation

“Another way to conceptualize motivation is through Self-Determination Theory … which is concerned with intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.  Intrinsic motivation happens when someone does something for its inherent satisfaction.” – Second Language Acquisition Myths: Applying Second Language Research to Classroom Teaching, by Steven Brown, Jenifer Larson-Hall

Capitalism

“The flowery language of the United States Declaration of Independence would have you believe that human life has an inherent value, one that includes inalienable rights such as “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” But in America, a major indicator of value is actually placed on being a productive member of society, which typically means working a job that creates monetary revenue (especially if the end result is accumulated wealth and suffering was inherently involved in the process).” – The Diminished Value of Human Life in a Capitalistic Society, by Seren Sensei

Religion

“At the heart of the debate between Calvinism and Arminianism lay the insurmountable chasm between God’s sovereign election versus human self-determination.” – Sovereignty vs. Self-determination: Two Versions of Ephesians 1:3-14, by Reformed Theology

Mythology

“In Classical Greece, Achilles was widely admired as a paragon of male excellence and virtue. Later, during the height of the Roman Empire, his name became synonymous with uncontrollable rage and barbarism… He chooses kleos (glory) over life itself, and he owes his heroic identity to this kleos. He achieves the major goal of the hero: to have his identity put permanently on record through kleos…

“But is this really an accurate characterization of Achilles' pivotal decision? Is he really driven to sacrifice his life by an obsessive quest for honor and glory? One scene in the Iliad suggests the answer to both questions is no.

“When Achilles leaves the battlefield after his dispute with Agamemnon, the Trojans gain the upper hand on the Greeks. Desperate to convince their best warrior to return, Agamemnon sends an envoy of Achilles' closest friends to his tent to persuade him to reconsider his decision. During this scene, Achilles calmly informs his friends that he is no longer interested in giving up his life for the sake of heroic ideals. His exact words are below:

“The same honor waits for the coward and the brave. They both go down to Death, the fighter who shirks, the one who works to exhaustion (IX 386-388)…

“Not only does Achilles reject the envoy's offers of material reward, but he rejects the entire premise that glory is worth a man's life.” – making sense of a hero’s motivation, by Patrick Garvey

Achilles (/əˈkɪliːz/ ə-KIL-eez) or Achilleus (Ancient Greek: Ἀχιλλεύς, [a.kʰilˈleu̯s])

Achilles realizes his own inherent self-worth, thereby freeing himself from the expectations of others; societal or otherwise.  Only once we are free can we find the balance between our own needs and the needs of others in a way that breeds neither anger nor resentment in either.

~~~

But that’s... that’s just... a theory.   Huh.

[brittledame]

Pairing: Semi Eita/Reader

Warnings: Explicit, Mildly Dubious Consent, Face-Fucking, Scent Marking, Possessive Semi, Claiming, Mention of violence/gore, Alternate Universe, Fantasy AU, Wolf!Semi, Witch!Reader

Word Count: 9.1K

Summary: After Goshiki and Ushijima are thrown into an alternate universe after getting hit by a truck, they're thrown into a generation-old prophecy to defeat the Demon King that had been terrorizing the land. Joining the whirl-wind adventure, you face off the feared Wolf at a great disadvantage. Prepared to meet your fate in order to protect your team, you never anticipated him making a move on you and for it to end in you promising yourself to him. 

Notes: Inspired by chapter 24 of Haikyuu-bu!! I started working on this in the middle of the 2nd installment to ‘Semi’s Blow Blow Up’ which I’m hoping to get out before the end of September. Also, I let Semi keep his ears and tail in this, please don’t send me to hell for that. Other than that, please enjoy!!

When Tsutomu and Ushijima ended up on top of a hill surrounded by acres of green rolling-hills, the younger honestly assumed the worst had happened. The bus had hit him and now he was dead in heaven. Of-course Ushijima would be there with him, he’s probably never made a misdeed in his life, meanwhile Tsutomu was slightly shocked he’d end up in heaven after spitefully cutting his older sister’s hair off when she teased his haircut when he was younger.

No, that can’t be right, he can't be in heaven. Everything felt too real. A breeze tousled his hair and he could smell the dirt under his scuffed runners. He couldn’t be dead, meaning that this place wasn’t heaven or purgatory, but someplace else. From the odd-looking trees sporting large purple leaves and expansive Elysian scenery, Tsutomu couldn’t shoot down the absurd idea that he was in an alternate dimension.

Patting himself down, he knew he was physically fine and felt his heart anxiously pounding away inside his chest. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Ushijima standing tall, giving the area around them a surveying glance before his olive eyes landed on his shaky form.

“Goshiki, are you alright?” His deep timbre did calm his frayed nerves, it was hard not to trust his dependable senpai.

Nodding his head, Tsutomu responds with number one question of the day: “Ushijima-senpai, where are we?”

He tried to conceal the fear in his tone, but it would seem that he failed miserably as Ushijima places a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“That truck must have hit us quite a fair way away.” Ushijima states, looking nowhere near as panicked as one should in their situation.

Goshiki gives him bewildered look, gesturing to the land in front of them.

“You think we would be fine after getting hit by a truck?” Tsutomu didn’t try to hide his hysteria. “No matter what way you paint it, this place doesn’t look like anywhere in Miyagi!”

“But there’s Shirabu.” Ushijima points somewhere over Tsutomu’s shoulder.

Half scared that he’s going to turn around and it’s some eldritch terror standing behind him, he froze in place. Although Tsutomu knew Ushijima would never put him in danger, Ushijima had no sense of danger; case and point the ghost incident. Gathering his scattered courage, he turns around and is dumbfounded to find Shirabu indeed standing before him, albeit he was now dressed in unusual garments.

“Shirabu?” Tsutomu exclaims, half relived that at least someone with a brain not solely filled with volleyball would see the insanity of their situation.

“Shirabu? No, I am not a Shirabu, I am Elf.” Not-Shirabu responds while pulling his hood off to expose comically long ears. Tsutomu could feel his mind take a temporary holiday, leaving him half-cocked and not nearly prepared enough to deal with this shit.

“We’re in an actual alternate universe…”

A short trek later, Tsutomu found himself being hosted by Not-Shirabu, who was scarily similar to Shirabu - right down to his mannerisms. Tsutomu could’ve sworn that every time he asked a question about this world, Not-Shirabu fought down a grimace, but never failed to give him a short response. He was polite but was obvious about his distaste towards Tsutomu’s inherently curious nature.

“Shirabu, everyone will worry if we do not return to school soon.” Ushijima succinctly summarises their situation.

“It’s Elf,” Not-Shirabu says immediately. “You want to return to your world?”

At their nods, Not-Shirabu slumps in his chair with a hefty sigh.

“I’m afraid there’s an issue with that. I would love to get you back home, but an evil Demon King has taken over this land. I’m afraid to say that going home is out of the question.”

Tsutomu felt his heart sink at the words. They couldn’t return home? What were they going to do here for a living? They could farm, but Tsutomu is nowhere near well-read in that field compared to Ushijima. Even in this dire situation, Tsutomu was reluctant to admit defeat.

“A Demon King?” He queried, obviously fishing for information about this Demon King. Maybe there was a way to convince him to let them home?

“Yes.” Elf drily responded.

Tsutomu could feel his eye twitch at the Shirabu-like response. Even in an alternate universe, his senpai was a short and antagonistic towards Tsutomu.

Only when he was prompted by Ushijima’s nod, did he continue.

“He is a malicious being with the sole incentive is to spread misfortune across the land. It started with small mischievous deeds, such as cutting individual’s hair into odd styles.” Elf pauses here to raise a hand to his fringe and Tsutomu had to smother the laugh that could threaten his life. “Now he has moved onto terrorising villages and increasing tax prices to an unbelievable high.”

“That is no way to run a country.” Ushijima hums in disapproval.

Tsutomu clasped his hands over his head, already feeling a headache coming on. So we’re going to completely ignore that Shirabu’s weird ass fringe was the result of some Demon King that has apparently ravaged the land by hiking up tax prices? And why did this all sound like something Tendou-senpai would do? He felt latent hysteria rise to the surface again.

“I’m sorry that he got you too, Goshiki.” Elf says solemnly.

Head snapping up, Tsutomu felt outraged at the comment. He worked really hard for his fringe to be this straight. Tsutomu would swear up until his deathbed that bowl cuts were cool.

“Hey! My fringe is untouched by the Demon King. This was my choice!” Goshiki defended his hairstyle, patting at the dark strands, making sure there wasn’t any odd fly-aways.

“We can’t go home as long as the demon king reigns?” Ushijima interjects, effectively ending the argument before it started. Ushijima was all too used to being the only one to stop arguments between Goshiki and Shirabu, he knew all the warning signs.

“Yes.” Elf says with an apologetic look. “I’m very sorry. If only the summoning of the ‘Otherworldly Hero’ passed on from past generations had succeeded. They are the sole hope we have.”

A silence envelopes the room, heavy and suffocating.

Tsutomu knew that panicking would do nothing but waste valuable energy, but he couldn’t help but feel a little overwhelmed at the insane situation they found themselves in. A niggling thought heaped more anxiety onto him when it raises a good point. What if they were able to go home, what happens if time passes differently here? A day here may be twelve years back home. What would he do if he went back home and all his friends were old, his parents dead and –

Elf startles Tsutomu out of his downward spiral by suddenly jerking back with a gasp, wide eyes focused on Ushijima’s left hand holding a spoon laden with soup. The sudden motion had caused a cup to fall and clatter loudly against the stone flooring, which went widely ignored as Elf raises a trembling finger pointed at the stoic brunette.

“You’re using the spoon with your left hand. Are you –!” He cuts himself off as he rushes over to Ushijima’s side, not quite believing his own eyes. “The Otherworldly Hero!”

Tsutomu could not point out a time he’s ever heard so much emotion poured into Shirabu’s tone, he was almost swept up into Elf’s zeal before his logic kicked back in.

It was that easy?! Tsutomu internally screamed. This was just getting ridiculous at this point, honestly.

After a singular trial of pulling a sword out of stone and Tsutomu embarrassing himself and losing Elf’s respect, they found themselves starting a quest. The fanboy within him was super excited that he was going on an actual quest, exactly like the ones in his RPG campaigns.

“Remind me why we need this witch again?” Tsutomu questions, much to Elf’s evident annoyance.

“We need her to get through the Mystical Woods. It's prowled by one of the Demon King’s acolytes.” Elf slides his eyes to give Tsutomu a warning look, not wanting to answer anymore questions.

Gulping at the intimidating look, Tsutomu waved away the twenty billion other questions that came to mind as they made their way towards a tall stone tower. Tsutomu wonders what the witch would look like. Would she be someone they know, or someone completely new?

At this point in the trip, he silently begging any listening deities that she’s friendly. Ushijima and Shirabu have never been the best talking companions in his world and this trip has highlighted to Tsutomu how much he’d taken Yamagata’s and Reon’s friendly conversations for granted.

The tower ahead of them slowly grew in size until Tsutomu estimated it stood at least 5 stories tall. Following in Elf’s shadow, they pause a few feet away from the base. Looking at the structure, Tsutomu was quick to notice that there was no door present. Maybe they were on the wrong side of the tower?

He was just about to voice this before Elf cups his mouth and proceeds to yell up at one of the open windows.

“Hey Witch, come down! I found the Otherworldly Hero!” He shouts, uncaring at the ruckus he was making.

Tsutomu winces at the volume, shocked at how loud Elf could get. Absent mindedly, he wonders if the Shirabu in his dimension could get that loud too. Looking back up at the window, the youngest saw a head peak out.

“What?!” A familiar voice yells back down. The head disappears out of sight before any of them could respond.

No even a moment later, a dark door appears on the once-blank wall before them. Opening, the door reveals a figure that Tsutomu never thought he’d see. He should've expected it, this situation was crazy enough as it was.

Walking out of the dark room, you come to stand out in the sunlight, confirming your identity. Tsutomu blushed when he noted your attire. You looked exactly how you did before their run, minus the dark blue dress that hugged your curves and loose hair. Not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to himself, he subtly glances to the side to catch Ushijima’s reaction to your appearance.

With his usual neutral expression, he exclaims your name with no more vigour than any other time he’s said it. Tsutomu put too much faith into Ushijima, he should have expected the lack of a reaction as well.

You give Ushijima an odd expression, looking at Elf to explain what was going on.

“Manager-chan?” Goshiki interrupted. Elf shot him a nasty look at the interruption and ended up sighing whilst rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

“They've been calling me weird names all afternoon too. Just ignore the short Otherworlder.” Goshiki whines at his harsh words.

You pique an eyebrow at the bowl-cut boy. “So I look like someone you know from your world?”

“Yes,” Ushijima answered monotonously. “You look exactly like our team’s manager.”

You hum as you mull over his words. “Curious. So that would mean you're from a world that is directly parallel to ours, a completely different dimension with shared similarities.” Your tone picked in pace and excitement as you spoke, the end of your sentence becoming a smear to the males around you.

At their collective blank looks you made an odd hand gesture in the air. “Anyway… You found the Hero?” Giving Ushijima a curious look, you completely ignore Tsutomu’s existence.

It kind of hurt for one of his kindest senpai's to outright disregard his presence. Reminding himself of parallel universes, he had to actively tell himself that you weren’t technically you.

Wow, he really hated this alternative universe stuff.

“I’ve been told as such.” Ushijima supplies, not at all weirded out by you invading his personal space to prod at his biceps.

Turning on your heel, you make your way towards Elf and throw a casual arm around his shoulders. Not at all bothered by your antics, Elf stands there as you lean against him. Tsutomu knew in his world that you and Shirabu got along quite well, that must have translated into this universe as well.

“Why are you here instead of saving the lands now that you have the Hero at hand?” Your question is a legitimate one, one that Tsutomu would’ve asked if he wasn’t scared of Shirabu’s infamous back of the knee kicks. If Ushijima was supposedly strong enough to take on the Demon King, surely he'd be able to take on one simple lackey lurking in the woods they needed to cross.

“We’re here to recruit you. You’re the only one I know powerful enough to conceal us to get past the Demon King’s pet monsters.” He patiently explains.

“Aw and here I was thinking it was because you missed me. I missed you, y’know?” You teased. Truly, you did miss Elf and all the shenanigans the two of you would get into, but you would never pass up an opportunity to needle him.

Elf simply rolls his eyes at you and shrugs the arm off of his shoulder.

“I mean it. We need you to get through the Mystical Woods without being detected by Wolf.” You frown at Elf’s serious expression, the reality of the situation dawning upon you.

“You know I’m never going to turn down a quest with you, but his senses are ridiculously enhanced. It’ll take a lot out of me.” Running a hand through your hair, Tsutomu recognised it as your nervous tick. “I won’t be much help during the final battle.”

“Don’t worry about that. You can rely on me.” Ushijima simply states but the effect on you and Elf is immediate.

The Hero’s simple words eviscerated your reservations, the conviction in his tone was all you needed to hear. That paired with the large sacred sword still embedded in stone was all it took to convince you it wasn't a fool's mission.

Agreeing to join their party, you rush to grab your wand and some other resources to assist the party later on in the journey before setting off.

By the time you all stood before the ominous-looking trees of the Mystical Woods, the sun was starting to settle on the horizon, warning you that you had little to no time to make it through before night came along and the true battle began.

“Before we enter, I must tell you all that Wolf’s senses are second to none. He’ll hear a whisper, smell you an acre away, and could destroy you before you could blink.” Your warning only served to scare Goshiki. You rushed to complete your weak pep talk. “But, I’m here so it is very unlikely that he will catch us, much less even be in this neck of the woods.”

Your words did little to soothe the youngest, although he did put a brave face on. You had to stop yourself from cooing at how cute he looked with his chest puffed out and a serious expression adorning his young face.

“Hey, uh, what does this wolf look like? That way if we spot him we can seek some cover.” Goshiki suggests.

Impressed, you gave him an encouraging smile and ignored Elf snorting behind you.

“That’s a brilliant idea, good job Goshiki.” You praised, noticing the way his eyes lit up at it. “Wolf roams around in his human form as far as I’m aware of. He’s taller than Elf but shorter than Hero.”

Elf indignantly huffs at your comment, not all liking your unintentional poke at the sore topic.

“He has pale hair, it almost looks white sometimes. Oh, he also constantly has this really grumpy look on his face.” You continue to list off a series of characteristics that describes Semi to a tee. There was no doubt in Tsutomu’s and Ushijima’s mind about who Wolf was.

“That sounds like Semi.” Goshiki remarked once you finished.

Receiving blank looks from you and Elf, Tsutomu stumbled over his words as he tried to articulate his thoughts.

“Ah, well, the person you just described sounds exactly like my senpai back home called Semi.” Tsutomu let out a small chuckle as he’s hit with a funny nickname for his senpai.

“We’re going to avoid Semi-Wolf so that we can get to the castle, defeat the king and go home, right?” Tsutomu smoothly recovers.

You laugh at the odd nickname Goshiki coined.

“Semi-Wolf you say? I quite like that.” You raise your hand to cover your grin, very amused at how much the ever-serious Wolf would hate it.

Always forced to be the voice of reason, Elf clapped his hands to refocus everyone’s attention.

“We can’t lose focus now. Once we enter these trees we can’t afford to be found by Wolf, even with Witch and Hero on our side, it would be a tiresome battle if he spots us.” His grave tone quickly sobered up the party.

Taking a deep breath, you withdraw your wand, starting to draw out an intricate rune in the air. A familiar tingling sensation overtakes your body as magic begins to flow from the earth up into your fingers and into the wand.

Finishing the last line, a glowing circle with swirling line and sharp strokes stood before you. Fastening the members behind you with a heavy look, you offered them one last chance to back out.

“Are you all ready?”

All three nod back at you, already having steeled themselves whilst you prepared the rune. Turning back to the rune, you finished the casting and walked through it with the three males hot on your tracks. It evaporated as soon as you stepped through it, effectively masking your scents and dampening all sounds. Even Ushijima could sense the tangible weight of the magic casted over his body.

The woods were exactly as you remembered it from when you were a child and wasn’t claimed by the fearsome Wolf. The trees looked the same with rough and peeling bark, along with the ground looking as damp and spongy as the days you ran through it barefooted and free-spirited.

While you didn’t explicitly state that they couldn’t talk, you were secretly glad that they didn’t. It would’ve made your life much more difficult to funnel more energy into the rune to mask them, it was already bad enough that your couldn't completely conceal everyone. Your combined efforts of creeping between the threes on  light feet was counteracted by Ushijima nicking every second tree with the sword's sharp blade, creating a trail of bark.

Eyes and ears stayed vigilant even as you noticed a landmark for the half-way point through the forest. You paused at the large outcropping of rocks resembling a sleeping lady and mouth at them that it you were half-way there. Elf and Goshiki looked relieved whilst Ushijima sported the same bland look.

You were tempted to suggest a short rest before continuing through the woods, where Semi-Wolf commonly prowled. The words died on your tongue as you noticed an abnormally thick fog rapidly approach your group. Not even a blink later and the fog had consumed all visibility below the waist.

You’ve spent your whole life surrounded by magic, you knew that this fog came from an unnatural origin. You had hoped that the fog would stay at that height but those were quickly dashed when you saw it slowly creep up your body. It wouldn’t be long before your entire vision was obscured.

This was not good, not good at all.

Whirling around, you went to grab at your team’s clothing to anchor them to you. As your hands cut throw empty air, your fear doubled. You doubted that they abandoned you, it was likely the doing of the magical woods. While you loved to experiment and witness all types of magic, always keen to expand your knowledge, the magic in these woods never failed to unnerve you even as a young child.

Not only was there a predator out here, the woods were also working against you.

Considering your options, you concluded that you were rapidly running out of choices.

Calling out their names was objectively a stupid choice, but it was the best thing you could do with breaking the fragile magic coating them. It was almost a form a self-sacrifice. If you drew enough attention to yourself, they would hopefully find their way to you - or at least something would.

A few tense moments go by, each call answered with dead silence. Not even the insects and birds dared to make a sound.

Casting a tracking spell was completely off the table. Not only was the fog thick enough that you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face, it would shatter the meagre concealing magic coating them. At least it was something to protect them, it was much better then leaving them completely defenceless.

“Shit.” You hissed. Worriedly, you eye the magical fog that was becoming more oppressive, feeling like a physical weight pressing down on you.

“I didn’t know good witches like yourself cursed. So unladylike.” A deep rumbling voice sounded right next to your ear. It was close enough to for warm breath to caress your cold skin. Your skin immediately breaks into goose bumps.

Freezing, your mind descends into chaos as it crowds with worrying thoughts. The most prominent one pointed out the fact that Wolf was able to get dangerously close to you without your notice, magical fog aside. There was no doubt about who he was, there was no other that claimed the woods like he has.

You whirl around, trying to find the voice’s owner, full well knowing of whom you were seeking out. Fear coiled inside of your gut, trying it’s hardest to paralyse your muscles and haze your mind over in fear at the thought of facing Wolf alone at a disadvantage.

“You speak as if you’re a gentleman yourself, Semi-Wolf. You don’t have much room to condone my language when you have the mouth of a foul-tempered troll.” You rebuked, falsifying the confidence in your tone. Showing an ounce of trepidation in front of him would be deadly.

Eyes frantically flitting about, attempting to catch a glimpse of a shadow or anything that would reveal his whereabouts. Your eyes were met with nothing but swirling white, not a single sign as to where he could be. This whole situation had you on edge.

He chuckles at your weak jab. The sound reverberated off of the trees and felt like it came from all around you, only serving to further confuse you about his whereabouts.

While every drop of mana was precious, you thought it prudent to at least being able to see your enemy. It should at least put you on equal footing with him. Flicking your wand, you cast a spell to temporarily filter out the fog around you, creating a clear bubble around you and the menacing man before you.

Even though he looked just as you had described to your otherworldly companions, viewing Wolf not even two meters away from one’s self was always a different experience. The first feature that caught your attention was his dark eyes, iris colour similar to richly stained wood, secondly was his elongated nails coming to a fatal point. Claws sharp enough to shear through flesh with ease were paired with pointed canines exposed by his predatory smile.

Your heart speeds up as you recognised how doomed you were, armed only with your wand, half of your mana and a pouch of useless herbs. The fluffy white dark-tipped ears sitting atop his head flick at the thundering sound of your palpable fear. Wolf's smile widened at that, tail swishing side-to-side in glee. This was going to be all too easy for him.

“Found you Semi-Wolf” Your white-knuckled grip around your wand belied your light tone.

“Don’t call me that.” He growls out, eyes narrowing at you. He was not impressed at your impertinence.

You would normally roll your eyes at the needless display of anger, but you couldn’t afford to take your eyes off of his intimidating figure slowly walking around you.

“What are you doing in my territory,” he continues. You knew he didn't care about your answer, it was more so to draw this out.

Fine, you’d bite.

“We’re on a quest, so please kindly don’t interfere.” He pauses to the left of you, now not even an arms-length away from you. Your body instinctively tenses at this, acutely aware that he could take you out faster than you could cast at this distance.

“I can’t let my reputation suffer just because you asked politely to cross through. There’s consequences to encroaching my land without permission.” His tone darkens at the end of his sentence, acting as if you personally offended him by doing so.

You knew he wouldn’t let you go so easily but a girl could always dream, right?

Lowering your centre of gravity, you subtly shift your body into a fighting stance and forcibly relax your wrist. A stiff wrist would hinder casting and it would frankly be embarrassing to be taken down so quickly, regardless of Wolf being the second toughest opponent controlled by the Demon King.

His keen eyes catch onto your slight movements and he moves in kind. It appears that you’re confident enough to take him on directly off the bat and not even attempt to run away. Whether this choice was misguided or made by underestimating him, Wolf was going to make you rued the day you thought you stood a chance against him.

Not wanting to wait for him to make the first move, you immediately cast a paralysing spell. The spell missed widely as he simultaneously lunged towards you at that very moment. This back and forth of casting and dodging goes on for a while and it wasn't long before you could physically feel your mana decrease and muscles grow tired. Maybe locking yourself in a tower for months on end didn’t have the best effect on your stamina.

Knowing you didn’t have a chance in hell against him while half-powered thanks to the prior masking spell, you could do nothing but futilely dodge him and cast the occasional fire ball his way. In the back of your mind, you spared a thought to the rest of the party and prayed to the deities that they were making their way out of the woods.

An exposed root caught your foot as you danced out of reach from a swipe of his deadly claws. Time seemed to slow down as your world tilted and the ground rose up to catch your body. Catching yourself on unsteady hands, you hiss as the rough ground scrapes your palms and knees enough to bleed.

Seizing the win, Wolf walks over to your stationary form, savouring the smell of your blood on the air. It smelt sweet, Wolf licked his lips and nudged you onto your back with his foot. He briefly wondered if you would taste just as sweet. You had put up a good fight and Wolf always loved a good challenge.

Semi-Wolf cages your body with his own, his large hands trapping yours above your head, with his legs pinning yours down. At this point, you had resigned yourself to your fate. You never really thought that you’d die like this, a hot guy murdering you was always a bonus you supposed.

Bringing his face towards yours, your breath falters when his lips floats above yours. Eyes wide, you noticed the hunger in his dark eyes, a hunger that you knew yourself all too intimately. Seeing his lips tilt into a dangerous smirk, your eyes lock onto them much to Wolf’s evident amusement. He uses the opportunity of your diverted attention to closely check you out, his eyes sweeping down your form.

He vastly appreciates the simple dark gown you wore. The dress exposed enough cleavage without becoming a disaster and had a leg slit that exposed a fair amount of soft-looking skin. Wetting his lips at the delicious sight you made underneath him, Wolf knows his evaluating looks were far from one sided, he could feel your gaze burn into his skin in kind.

Making eye contact with you, he decided he was going to indulge himself just this once. After weeks of dealing with Demon King’s shenanigans and then having to come back and patrol the woods with nothing in terms of companionship, he was admittedly lonely. He also harboured a lot of frustration and pent-up sexual desires and then there you were, waltzing on in with a form-fitting dress and smelling of ripened strawberries.

Wolf leans down and brings his mouth to your neck. All that filled your mind was the different but all equally as gruesome ideas of how he could kill you in this position. Him tearing out your throat was at the forefront of your mind.

Wolf licks a hot stripe up your throat, tasting your rabbit-like heartbeat. It was almost cute how much he scared you. He was almost tempted to assure you he can be gentle if he’s in the mood for it. From how you reacted to his each and every touch, he knew his self-restraint would truly be tested tonight. He did so love a sensitive lover.

“What are you going to do to me?” Your voice shakes and serves to further spur him on. Temptingly, he brushes his lips against yours, as light as a feather and no where near the pressure you now craved.

This close up you could see the flecks of near obsidian accentuating his mahogany brown irises that swirled with unspoken promises of what he was planning to do to you tonight. He doesn’t answer, choosing to stare instead.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Pushing him probably wasn’t the smartest decision. Then again, you never would have gotten into adventuring if you had all your wits about you.

Again, silence meets your ears as he rolls his eyes at you in response, much to your shock. The action was unexpected, completely out of character for him, judging from the gossip you’ve overheard from the townspeople.

“I’ve got a much better use for that cute little mouth of yours then asking pointless questions.” He purrs into your ear.

You very nearly swallowed your tongue, eyes wide in disbelief. Your mind was still spinning at the sudden turn the night has taken. You were ready to fight for your life, not get pinned down and get propositioned. His actions spoke leagues, he didn’t leave any room for misinterpretation of what he desired from you. As much as that thought should’ve scared you, a thrill of anticipation sparked down your spine.

Noticing your receptiveness, Wolf planned to test how far he could push you before you pulled back. Testing the waters, he bridges the short gap between your mouths and kisses you. To his amusement, you froze for half a breath before reciprocating, soft lips moving skillfully against his.

Deepening the kiss, he doesn’t wait for permission to lick into your mouth, earning him a gasp. You never really spared any thought to him before this day other than reluctant acknowledgement of his strength, that even armed with an arsenal of spells you’d still struggle to defeat him. Never in a hundred years would you think that he was a good kisser and yet here he was doing his best to thoroughly prove you wrong.

Warmth spread through your body as you tried to pay him in kind, but he was intent on dominating the kiss in every way. Your mind wondered over the thought of him dominating you in another way and your heart gave a concerning lurch inside our chest.

Semi-Wolf ends up breaking the kiss to chuckle down at you after a moan escaped. Embarrassed flush tinging your cheeks pink, you use the break to catch the breath he stole from your lungs.

“That doesn’t answer my question, Semi-Wolf.” You whisper against his lips.

“How much more direct do I have to be with you, little witch? Do you want me to say that I want to fuck that cheeky mouth of yours until you cry?” Heart palpitating, your eyes zero in on him wetting his lips, wondering what else his tongue could do. “Or maybe that I’m horny enough to fuck you regardless of your incessant questioning.”

This time you shiver at the way his deep voice seemed elicit lust to cloud your mind. Horny yourself from countless days of self-imposed isolation in your pursuit of knowledge after your last disastrous quest with Elf, you weren’t exactly in the right mind-frame to deny him.

At the same time though, who said you would make it easy for him?

“Even the big bad Wolf gets lonely guarding the creepy woods.” You goad him, eager to get a rise from him.

Rising to the obvious bait, his grip tighten around your wrists enough to hurt. Meeting his scowl with a jovial expression, you inwardly crowed at how easy it was to rile him up.

“You’d be so much cuter if you didn’t open your mouth. Don’t worry, I’ll fix that for you.” He promises darkly. His thumb presses into your bottom lip and urges you to open your mouth.

You do deny yourself the desire to bite down on his thumb, not wanting to truly make him mad. You just wanted him mad enough to take you without holding back.

Releasing your other wrist, he makes quick work of undoing his pants. Enjoying the view, your tongue licked his thumb, drawing his attention for all of a second before he presses his thumb on top of your tongue. You whine around the intrusion, earning an unimpressed look from him as he reveals his sizable length.

He nearly laughs when he hear you audibly gulp as he shucks down his pants one-handed. His slowly filling dick swelled even more at your groan from just witnessing his length. Even at half-mast he was long and girthy enough for you to wonder if he was going to fit in you.

Not liking the way your attention drifted inwards, Wolf gripped himself and gave a few tugs. To both your fascination and horror, you watched as his cock was stroked into full hardness. At this, you swore to yourself to make it fit, no matter what. There was no way you were going to pass up this once in a life-time opportunity.

Wolf considers the position you were both in and decided that it wouldn’t do. Releasing his cock and removing his thumb from your mouth, he grabs you by the shoulders and forcibly moves you into a new position. You relished the way he manhandled you, you elect to make it easy on him and be pliable for him.

Pushing a hand through his wild hair, he looks over at your new placement. Dress strewn around your legs, the side slit now exposing an indecent amount of flesh as you laid out beside him. Once again grasping your shoulder, he moves your upper body to lean over his spread legs, bringing your face towards his rigid length.

You didn’t fight him as he brought your mouth towards his cock, nor did you wait for permission to start. Wrapping your mouth around the leaking tip, you gave a slight suck before trying to take more of him in all while swirling your tongue around him. His hand moves up into your hair as you slowly make your way down his shaft, cute little mouth already stretched wide.

About half-way down your jaw was starting to get sore from how wide you had to keep your mouth from grazing your teeth harshly against him. You weren’t ready to admit defeat yet, you still hadn’t even taken him fully yet. Throwing caution to the wind, you decide to take the rest of his cock in all the way, sore throat be damned. You gagged at the feeling of him being shoved down your throat, mouth impossibly full as his hips jolt up and keep himself in as you started to pull back.

A loud groan rumbles through the air, rewarding your efforts. His fingers tighten in your hair, locking your head in place. You fight against his grip and win, coming up with a gasp and a thick strand of saliva connecting your lips to his tip. Giving him a withering glare, you lick up his shaft once, twice, before engulfing him yet again. This was for your benefit, hearing him growl as you sucked him off was just a benefit.

He watched on with delight as you forced yourself to choke on his cock, evidently he was too large for you to handle. Not wanting you to do all the work, he started to slowly roll his hips up and took control of your pace by moving you up and down his member by his grip on your hair.

Unable to take back control, you could do nothing but to let him guide you as he fucks into your mouth. This turned you on incredibly, feeling yourself become wet as he pants and groans into the still air. Distantly, you could hear his tail thump against the ground.

While fucking your willing mouth, he’s struck with a brilliant idea. Wrapping a hand around your throat, he’s now able to feel himself being deepthroated. A rush of blood left him light-headed, absolutely loving the fact that he can feel himself when he shoves his cock even further down your throat, not caring that at how you dug your nails into his hips. Your whines about him taking over only served to arouse him further, feeling the vibrations travel along his length.

He feels himself come close as you swallow around him, tongue rubbing sinuously against all the right spots. He knew it wouldn’t be long before he peaked. While he did have a fast recovery time, he didn’t want to waste a moment of not being buried inside of you. Already the smell your arousal perfumed the air, causing his dick to jump in your mouth at the sudden influx of blood rushing southward. The need to be inside of you trumped the joy he felt from you sucking him off.

Tearing you off of his dick with a slick'pop', you were completely blindsided as he throws you against the ground. His hand grasped your thigh, drawing it up as his other shears the thin fabric of your dress off. Now sitting above mid-thigh, you silently despaired about the destruction of your favourite dress. Uncaring, Wolf impatiently batted the rest of the flowy fabric out of his way, not sparing you a second look at you as he shreds your panties and runs a knuckle down your wet folds.

“I’ve barely touched you and yet you’re this wet,” he muses.

Careful of his nails, he gathers up your liquid arousal on his finger and brings it up to his mouth, tasting you. You clench down on nothing as he closes his eyes to savour your taste with a moan. If he drew this out any longer, you were going to have a spontaneous heart attack.

Squirming under him, you made impatient sound. It didn’t go ignored, grinning down at you, he brings bringing his finger back down to teasingly caress your folds, touches much too light for your taste.

“Aren’t you an impatient little thing,” Semi-Wolf drawled as brushes a knuckle against your hole, pausing over it and slightly dipping in.

A frustrate groan left your lips, tilting your hips up to chase his teasing strokes.

“Please.” You begged as he started again with the feather-light strokes.

Normally you would rather retch than beg for cock, However there was always an exception. That exception being Semi-Wolf's cock. It appeared to be the correct thing to do as his eyes flashed with something sinful, a wild look on his face.

“Since you asked so nicely…” He moves down your body, coming to a stop at the apex of your thighs.

Face so close to your core, his mouth started salivating from how good you smelt. Blowing onto your pussy, he elicits a cute squeal and ended up having to pin your legs down to keep you from kneeing him in the head.

He delivers a long lick between your wet folds and swallows your taste as he prods at your entrance. Judging he had enough fun, he delved straight in. Clawing at the soft ground under you, your chest heaved as his tongue thrus in, swirled around, rubbed against your walls and pulled out. It wasn't long before he had you incoherently begging for something, anything, yet he continued in this fashion until he had your hands tugging at his hair, careful of his furry ears, and writhing on his tongue.

Eating you out like a man starved, he didn’t stop until he felt your thighs tense around his head, signalling how close he brought you with just his tongue. He’d like to think that he wasn’t a cruel man but the nasty look you gave when he pulled away had him second guessing himself.

You were more than ready at this point. Ready to start cursing at him if he didn’t fuck you right now, you opened you mouth for him beat you to the chase. Heaving himself upwards, he presses his chest against yours, inadvertently bringing his hips close enough for his dick to slap against your drenched folds.

Gripping himself, he wordlessly slicks up his length by rubbing it through your juices. Lining up with you entrance, he barely presses in and your hands fly up to dig into his arms. Not minding the bite of pain, Wolf didn’t stop you from digging in your nails as he slowly slid in.

Reminding yourself to breath, you took shallow breaths and forcibly relaxed your muscles to help take him in, ignoring the sharp sting of pain that paired with his girth.

Shoving his engorged cock into your wet hole, he didn’t hesitate to slide down to the root regardless of how tight you were. Tears rise to your eyes unbidden as he pushes his way into you, feeling like his cock alone could split you in half. Muttering a half-assed incantation under your breath, you banished the edge of pain away, unmasking the pleasure at being so completely filled.

His thick cock that filled every space inside of you so well, that you started to believe he was made for you. The same thought went through his mind as he begins to mindlessly pound away into you, loving the way your wet hole takes him so well and tightens perfectly around him every time.

The angle he pummelled into at had you seeing stars. You raise your hips to meet his a few times before he grabs the back of your right knee with one hand, pinning your leg up against your chest. A wrecked moan rattles you as the pose opens you up more, changing the angle and allowing him to hit even deeper inside of you, now experiencing fireworks.

“You like that, huh?” He growls roughly.

You couldn’t spare the breath to answer him back with him fucking the life out of you, instead you nodded helplessly.

A pleased noise rumbled through his chest. You were such a supple little thing, taking every inch of him like you needed it, no matter the pain it initially caused you. Such things stroked his ego, paired with the wrecked expression on your face and the fluttering of your walls around his cock, he was intrigued by you. Being impressed and interested in someone with his possessive nature was never a good combination, and  he couldn’t stop himself from becoming enamoured with you while fucking you into the ground.

He litters your neck and chest with kisses, bruises, and bites that you knew would take a while to heal and vanish. The bastard was infamously territorial, you should’ve known that it would also translate into sex as well. Having half the mind to slap him for marking up, you couldn’t deny the way your heart leaped and pussy clenched around him with every rough suck he delivered to your soft skin.

He couldn’t let you go now he’s had a taste of you. He knew you would be perfect in tempering him, weathering his moods and give yourself fully to him like were right now. You already proved yourself worthy by not backing down or running away. Pupils blown wide, possessive thoughts consume his mind, devising different ways he could make you his. From the way you thrashed under him, shaky moans joining the symphony of your bodies colliding together, he conjured a way he could make you his.

Feeling him pull out was nothing of concern to your bliss-filled mind. It was when he didn’t slide back in that raised alarm. Opening your eyes, you blinked away tears from your sight to make out his proud-looking expression. Whining, you raise your hips up to force his tip to slide in further. Semi-Wolf denies you this by pulling his hips back further, removing his cock all together.

“Do you want me to continue fucking your greedy hole?” He says, eyes piercing through your soul.

Showing your frustration, you glare up at him and dig your nails into his arm, making him wince at the strong grip.

“Yes.” You hissed through clenched teeth.

He considers your answer for a short moment before moving his dick again. This time though, he merely sits it between your slick folds and rolls his hips. The position was perfect for his cock to graze against your clit, a moan slipped out before you could suppress it.

“What would you do for it?” He questions, rolling his hips again, putting more force behind it this time.

Eyes rolling into the back of your head, the constant stream of stimuli from him rubbing against your sensitive bundle was overwhelming. Seeing that you weren’t listening to him, he stopped his motions and watched as frustrated tears gather in your eyes as he ripped away your building orgasm.

“I said, what will you do for it?” He leans down to your ear, teeth gently tugging at your earlobe.

Existence now solely staked on you reaching your peak, the words rushed out of you without a second thought.

“Anything.”

He smiles at that, a shudder going through your body at the beautiful sight. He flashes his canines at you, happy that you wouldn’t need any convincing.

“I was hoping you would say that.” He presses your mouths together in a relatively chaste kiss. Confused, you kissed him back with vigour and chased his lips when he drew back. “How about becoming mine?”

A flash of heat sears through your body at his question. Mind going in a hundred different directions, it gets thrown around into different scenarios. First you were making out, fucking and now he was asking you to be his? You literally just met the guy. While yes sex with him so far has been immaculate, you couldn’t just swear yourself to him at the drop of hat.

All these thoughts should’ve been enough to deter you, to encourage you to finish yourself off and walk away. Instead, the horny part of you overrode all common sense. A strong, attractive partner by your side with a drool-worthy dick? You didn't need anything more.

Hands cupping his cheeks, you graze your thumb over his bottom lip and pull him closer.

“Yes. Now fuck me before I finish myself off.” His eyes flash at your threat, promising you hell for that.

Sealing your fate, you fasten your mouth over his and slip your tongue into his mouth as he grabs himself and lines up with your entrance and thrusts back in like he never stopped.

Pace faster than before, you arched you back as his cock presses into you, feeling impossibly deep. Unforgiving now in his thrusts, he didn’t hesitate to make himself a place inside of you, needing you to feel him even when he was finished.

It felt like your veins were filled with molten magma as he repeatedly hit all your sweet spots without even trying. All of your arousal and pleasure amassed into a tightly coiled ball that sat low in your gut and grew with every growl and thrust he gave. This time you protected it with all your might, you’d most definitely curse him if he pulled the same stunt twice.

Wolf buried his head into the crook of your neck, panting into your skin as he pistons himself in and out of you, chasing his own orgasm to no end in sight. Scraping his canines along the column of your throat, you shudder around his cock and tantalisingly squeeze him. Rewarding how sensitive you were, he attaches his mouth to you and buries his fangs into your flesh.

It felt like a supernova went off of inside of you the very moment his teeth pierced your flesh, flinging your head back fast enough that you almost knock yourself out as Wolf fucks you through the most intense orgasm of your life.

His hips don’t falter their pistoning as you tighten up immensely, feeling like a second skin from the way you gripped at him. Blood filling his mouth, he greedily swallowed every drop of the sweet substance, not at all surprised that it tasted just as sweet as the strawberries you smelt like.

With one last thrust, he pulls out and gives himself three rough tugs before he finally spilled all over your thighs. He very nearly purrs at how he solidified his claim over you, his scent seeping into your skin strong enough for any non-human person with a decent nose would know exactly who you belonged to.

“Will you grant us passage through your woods now?” You asked, sarcastic words shattering the silent atmosphere that enveloped your bodies as you both recovered.

“Maybe. Depends what you’re scheming.” He glances over at you from the corner of his eye, not bothering to turn over.

“We’re going to take down the Demon King.” Semi-Wolf chokes on mid-air and whirls around to face you, propping himself up on his elbow.

“Are you serious? If you had started with that, I would’ve walked you guys through and joined the fight.” You bite your tongue to stop yourself from laughing. This whole time Semi-Wolf wasn’t the dangerous servant of evil you had him pegged for, instead he was begrudgingly guarding these woods. He must being doing it for something, albeit you didn't know what for.

“What did he do to warrant your anger at him.” You were blatantly curious. It wasn’t often that you were wrong in how you perceived someone, plus it was interesting to catch a glimpse into the life of someone who was close to the maleficent Demon King.

“He said my wardrobe was hideous.” Wolf grumbles under his breath.

“I’m sorry, what? I couldn’t hear you.” You grin at him while cupping your ear and leaning in close. You had heard him perfectly fine, it was just fun to see this side of him.

Teasing him was much too fun, you were already getting comfortable around him. Who could’ve guessed he would be all soft on the inside? Elf was going to get a kick out hearing that. Whether he’ll believe you or not is entirely another story.

Annoyed, Wolf bats you away as you laughed at the pick blush betraying his stern look.

“Doesn’t matter. There’s no way you could lose with me helping.” A different, more gentle sort of warmth fills you at his claim, no matter how self-assured it may come across to some.

No longer wishing to antagonise him further, you simply hum in response. Not giving it a second thought, you slip your hand into his.

“Ignoring the fact that you destroyed my favourite dress,” Wolf had the common decency to look ashamed, withering under your harsh glare. “Were you serious when you asked –”

“Yes, I was serious.” He cuts you off. A nervous look replaces his serious one, scratching at the back of his head as he contemplated his next words. “Look, it wasn’t a smart move to do that to you in the middle of… yeah. I don’t know what came over me, but I couldn’t stomach the thought of you being someone else's. It's weird how connected I felt with you in that moment."

Looking away from the tree he was studying to avoid your gaze he was met with your stunned face painted a soft pink.

“You’re an idiot.” You say bluntly. Okay, he was definitely not the big monster you were led to believe. You almost felt like a fool for being so scared of him at the start.

“Hey!” He indignantly shouts, squeezing your hand as punishment for your insult.

“I’m joking, I swear it. It was a dick move but I forgive you.” Suddenly feeling shy, you look away from his intense eyes, not liking the way it felt like he could read your very soul. If Elf were here he’d probably scoff at you being demure after -

“Crap, my party! They probably think I’m dead.” You hurriedly get up and brush off the debris from your now short dress. A slight breeze picked up, causing you to shiver at the weird sensation of it caressing your bare legs and reminding you of the cum drying uncomfortably on your skin.

Ripping a piece of your sleeve off, you make quick work of cleaning yourself off as Wolf tugs on his pants. Seeing the way he eyes your legs, you narrow your eyes at him, shaking your head when he feigns an innocent look.

Giving the small glade one last look over, you both set off into the now clear woods. It took what seemed like a short eternity before you broke the tree line of the other side. On the other side, you find a pacing Goshiki, a bored-looking Elf and a peacefully dozing Ushijima.

Looking over at your sudden appearance, it took one sweep of Elf’s perceptive eyes to know what exactly had went down during your disappearance. You blush as he raises an unimpressed brow at you, ignoring Semi-Wolf’s presence by your side out of pure spite.

It took a bit to convince them that he was here to help and help he did. Armed with the scarily one-minded Hero and one pissed of Semi-Wolf, the crimson-haired Demon King didn’t stand a chance against them.

[flirting-with-psychology]

100 good questions to ask your friends at 4:02 am when you can’t sleep (can also function as an asks list)

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance? Maybe just a little bit

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? I mourn for the college experience I didn’t quite manage to have, and for the utopian life from the end of The Good Place that is impossible to get in real life

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? Hopefully

Do you place any value in gender roles? Anyone can do whatever they want but I do associate some things with gender

Do you have to be related to be family? I don’t consider non-relatives my family

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? I have always put a lot of weight on romantic relationships

Are you in love? Do you want to be? Not quite but I want to be

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation? I can put it into categories

Would you be happy with a life without romance? No

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody? Yes, probably Captain and Candy Cane

Would you change your appearance if you could? Yes, but not surgically

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.? I feel like I could have had a different life experience if I was born a decade or two sooner

Do you believe in reincarnation? No but I wish I did, there are definitely things I want a second chance at

Would you want to be reincarnated? Yes

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both? I would like to be special but probably not

Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem? Yes, they are interesting and can often lead to real-life scenarios

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? I did when I was a kid. I still like to make up characters but I don’t consider them imaginary friends

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? I am not religious, and I think it is most likely that there is no god or spiritual force

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? I don’t really wish I were but sometimes I can understand the desire to believe your life will have a guaranteed happy ending

Do you want a grand adventure? Yes

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different? Yes

How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody?Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better? I’m not sure where exactly like turns into love, and I have never experienced being in love in a relationship

Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both? It would have to be about more than just convenience

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality? I have not really questioned it much. I am a cis girl and I am happy being a girl, but I think if I were born a boy I would probably be happy being a boy too. I am mostly straight but maybe just a little bit bi, although I don’t think I would have romantic feelings for a girl

How fluid is your concept of gender and sexuality? Not too fluid but idk

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? Probably where to go to college

Are you afraid of growing old? Yes

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? I think I would get tired and lonely living forever, but a few centuries would give me enough time to try things

Do you believe in some form of god/s? No

Are your choices fated or of your own free will? Free will

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die? Lately I’ve been fearing dying of covid, but hopefully not

Do you believe in star signs? No

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult? Legally 18, socially probably like 30

Was your childhood happy? I think so

What are you missing from your life? A passion

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? Not any more so than regular friends

Do opposites attract? Not really

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? No, even if you take out the pandemic I still thought I would be doing something interesting with my career

Do you know what you want out of life? No

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? I guess if they help people? I would not necessarily say I am a very good person but I think I am more good than bad

What fundamentally matters do you? Love and fun

Is freewill an illusion? Not spiritually, but maybe capitalistically

Do you create art? How do you define art? I make jewelry and other crafts, and videos. Art is stuff that is there to be entertaining or beautiful, rather than just utilitarian

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? I rarely lie and I usually disapprove of lying but in some cases it can be ok

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for? Something I create

Is true world peace ever possible? Idk. Not looking like it

Do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition? What is the human condition? How can you really experience it? Who the fuck knows. Everyone experiences things differently, even if you suffer the same thing

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free? I am legally free but not free of capitalism

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yes

What do you expect from a friend or partner? Someone with a sense of humor who is easy to talk to, and romantic for a partner

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? No idea

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some? I’m sure I have abosrbed some

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? Idk maybe still supporting Harry Potter even though I don’t agree with JK Rowling’s anti-trans beliefs

Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time? No

Is a conscious what makes someone a person? Probably

What do you think about artificial intelligence? It’s kinda cool but I don’t understand how it works

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing? Yes but it’s not a bad thing

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? I doubt it

What do you think the next era of music will be like? Who knows, I barely even listen to this era

What do you think the next era of fashion will be like? Masks will be incorporated into it

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them? It’s hard to say

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them? No, and I probably wouldn’t

How confident are you, really? Not very

How consistent is your perception of time? Not very

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote? 18 is probably a good age, I think it’s hard to make an informed decision as a kid. I know I would either want whoever my parents wanted or whoever was more attractive

How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’? Probably not a good idea in general

What’s the worse thing a person can be? A murderer

How do you feel about monogamy? I would like to have it

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else? Probably

What’s the tragedy of your life? Losing all my potential

Would your life make a good play? No it would be hella boring

Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time? No

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? I feel some loyalty I guess because it’s home, but I would not fight

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect? I believe in equal opportunities but not forcing people to act a certain way

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent? I think as a society we need to take care of people and probably set up government resources to do so, but the specific people who do that should be the ones who feel fulfilled by it

Do you crave approval and/or praise? Yes

Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy? Idk

Are you ever going to be satisfied? I hope so but knowing me, probably not

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy? Music that conveys my emotions

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time? Most of the time I just shuffle it but I do have some playlists

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)? Probably not

Are you a deep person? Eh

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it? Not unless there was already an established society on mars with opportunities for entertainment and community interaction

Are you who people think you are? Not really. I think I am more extroverted than people think (even though I’m really an ambivert), and a lot of people think I should do sales or customer service which I hate even though I’m ok at them

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? I might be happier if I was a boy, but only if I was an outgoing boy. And I might be happier if I was in one of those happier-on-average countries

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it? My toxic traits are stubbornnes, procrastination, and lack of motivation, which are by nature extremely hard to work on

Do you anger easily? Maybe a little but I also let go of it easily

Are you a jealous person? Yes

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? I assume not

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it? Maybe

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate? No. I hate Mitch McConnell

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn? I only speak a little french and italian, I am not fluent. I dream in English. I might want to learn Gaelic

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them? Sometimes I draw meaning

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately? Probably desperately lol

Is unrequited love real love? I think so

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? Idk

Are you overly analytical? Yes

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation? Occasionally

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious? No, but I wish it was real

What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in? That I’ll end up with an interesting or exceptional life. Idk if I firmly believe it but I would like to believe it, because the alternative is depressing

[yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy]

Why So Jaded? Chapter 2

And here we go, part 2. In case you missed it. Part 1 AO3 FFN 

Chapter 2

A decade can be a long time.

That much time can change a person, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse and sometimes it just makes you grow up, mature you and give you perspective.

A decade ago, Bartholomew Maximillian Pine aka Buddy Pine- had built an empire fueled by his hatred and resentment for Supers and more importantly Mr. Incredible. He had become successful, powerful, on a scale beyond imagination. His creations helped topple governments, weaponize vast armies and made him more money then he could ever hope to spend in a thousand lifetimes. And with Mirage by his side, he had it all at the relatively young age age of 21.

A decade ago, Violet Parr was coming to terms with her powers, was coming into her own and finding her footing in life. She was learning to bear the load that all Supers carry.

But a decade can be a long time.

In a decade, you can see the empire you built be turned against you in a flash before it's dismantled into pieces that can never be put back together again and the people who you thought you could trust turn on you then leave you and realize their own agendas before you found yourself trying to start over and rebuild with some of the pieces you had managed to scrape together. No small feat and one made harder by extensive injuries, in not just a physical sense, but a mental and emotional and physiological sense as you attempt to rebuild yourself just as much as you rebuild your empire. Letting go of old grudges and hate in an effort to accept change and the present in order to have a future. And that is where Buddy Pine had currently found himself.

And a decade can be a long time.

In a decade you can see things that make you question yourself, your morals, your loyalties, your career and sense of right and wrong. Make you resent the burden placed on you by your parents, by your siblings and peers, your superiors, by everyone around you, and worse, make you resent the very ones who put that burden there. You got to see first hand how the world was rarely black and white and everything was a shade of gray and how even when you want to do the right thing and try to do the right thing, no good deed goes unpunished. You're struck and reminded over and over again by how profoundly fickle it all was. And how you can rise to popularity one moment and fall the next, like the waves of the sea, rising and falling and rising again as cycles began anew and how even the most altruistic super has their price. And more importantly, what yours was. You learned who your true friends were, as well as your enemies. And most importantly that the only one you could truly count on was yourself when you get pushed past your breaking point several times over and who you needed to pull you back from the edge over and over again. You become jaded and disillusioned yet worldly and discerning from your experiences and recognize patterns and cycles remarkably well. When you see enough shit go down and get covered up and how when people are wealthy and powerful enough, or hell, even talented, famous or important enough they can get away with literal murder if not atrocities that would make God himself shudder. You learn that justice was a joke but vengeance was attainable if not valid and very understandable, if not sympathetically so. Which can sadly- make you even more valuable and sought after and you become the best at what you do, even when you had no intention of being so. Until you realized you didn't have to play by anyone's rules except your own, in fact, you didn't have to play their little game at all and sometimes the smartest thing was to walk away when you had had enough and your sense of self preservation was the biggest instinct you cultivated in yourself and was sometimes the only thing that kept you alive.

That's where Violet found herself now. Not necessarily at a crossroads, but simply a spot on a map. She had been pulled back into this Super world a little over a year ago but it was supposed to be her last job. It was supposed to be an easy one, a babysitter post for a genius, billionaire playboy that had taken Buddy's place in the weaponized technology field. Only the big difference was Buddy did this all on his own, while her current employer had bought some of the pieces of Buddy's empire and was very much at the powers that be- beckon call and he was a master at catering to all of them so that he had no governmental resistance or interference world wide. So that the only ones in his way was his competition in his various markets from technology, science, medicine and most lucratively- weapons and while his ego was huge, it wasn't as haughty as Buddy's had been and if Violet had placed a bet, she would say he was a low grade Super himself, only his power was the charm and disarm anyone and gain their trust and help them feel safe so they turned vulnerable and honest and even she was not completely immune to him and his powers. It's how he learned who her true identity was and was able to get to know the real her as well as he did, or more importantly, as well as he thought he did. But for every take, there is a give because she in turn, got to learn more about him than anyone else did and thus, bred their closeness that they both got to enjoy and Phillip had sworn on his life and the lives of his family, that he would never betray her as long as she never betrayed him.

Phillip Edward Sebastian the Fifth was a European Aristobrat who had turned his family's modest fortune but grand history to his absolute advantage and with smart investing and playing the stock market, he had used that modest fortune to turn it into unimaginable wealth and power and was now on the cutting edge of all things weapons, electronics, medicine and far beyond and he had asked for Violet in particular because of her history with espionage, corporate and otherwise and the like. He was willing to pay her 15 times more for her services as his handler than he had offered anyone else and in just the short year she had been working with him, she had risen through the ranks, and was now not just as his right hand woman and personal assistant and she was a one woman security detail who he trusted with his life, his privacy, his confidence and confidentiality because of her skillset and ability. And once her own bank accounts swelled to the point that she used her former mentor's own financial staff to make sure that even in the worst case scenarios, her safety nets had safety nets and she had back up plans for her back up plans and contingency plans for her contingency plans several layers deep and learned to buy stocks in what he bought and sold what he sold on her own since he never hid that information from her and through that alone, she was one of the more independently wealthy Superheroes and she ensured that not just herself but her family would be safe and taken care of, which, in the grand scheme of things, was all she ever wanted and cared about. So she was happy and content, for now. That's why Violet could easily retire after this job. Plus she still collected her super hero paycheck. She wasn't the only one getting two paychecks for the same work, if not multiple checks.

And Phillip had always been the ideal employer, sure he had his own trust issues and paranoia, not to mention, his own daredevil antics and recklessness. But he respected her boundaries because she respected his and their relationship worked as beautifully and seamlessly as it did because they respected each other and Phillip treated her better than he treated everyone else because he knew that Violet, ultimately- didn't want or need him or his money or power and didn't ask too many questions because she didn't need to know the answers and kept her personal life very separated from her work life and didn't judge and kept her opinions to herself as closely as she kept her head and her wits. Which were all things he respected, admired and even adored and their relationship even blossomed enough to include certain "benefits" and Violet was the only one who could use Phillip as her personal fuck toy without the hassle and mess of a committed, monogamous romantic relationship and that kind of emotional entanglements even though Phillip still held out hope that at the end of her "servitude" she would stay with him because he had grown to rely so much on her and it would take a team of a hundred people to do what she did for him and do it as flawlessly as she did.

Before this job, Violet had disappeared in the far east- Hong Kong specifically, with a large city of over seven million, it was easy to disappear into but easy enough to spot agents from a mile away. She figured her superiors spent at least a million dollars trying to find her and once they did, they made her an offer she couldn't refuse and found, and named, and gave- her price, as their most highly sought after and paid agent. She was 24 now and would retire in just two more years at the age of 26 into a very comfortable life as a multimillionaire. But even she had to admit, the urge to do Super work had been getting to her while she had disappeared before The Agency had tracked her down since she had been 'in the wind' for over a year after a particularly brutal assignment gone to shit. But saving people and being a hero, even an invisible one, was an itch that most Supers, even when under ban, was impossible not to scratch. Her father was living proof of that. But she had learned from her parent's mistakes. She had learned to be careful. But being careful and playing it safe, while inherently easy for her, was getting mundane. She had taken up a few hobbies, learned a few languages along with some invaluable skills so that she could, in theory, go anywhere and support herself and blend in with any crowd and she was lucky that while she was in Phillip’s employment, she could still do a few hero jobs of her choice on the side and Phillip’s technology had made those jobs a breeze. But she was smart enough to not become dependent on any of the technology provided to her, either by The Agency or Phillip.

Invisigirl tapped on a screen as she flew her secret spy plane back to Spain to contact her employer, Mr. Phillip Sebastian.

"Do you have a report Vi?" Phillip asked.

"Yes, Mr. Pine himself has taken the nanochip, just like you predicted and is on multiple cameras doing so, he took both baits so I'm now en-route to you." Violet answered as she took off her mask and tied her hair up, revealing flawless makeup under the mask as her lipstick changed from an ultra violet to match her suit to a soft dusty rose on her pouty lips.

"What are the chances that he will follow?" Phillip furthered.

"At this point, medium to high." Violet estimated with a shrug as the plane achieved the proper altitude for a transatlantic flight.

"Excellent. Well we have him dead to rights, so he's as good as ours anyway." Phillip grinned victoriously as he rewatched the feed.

"So hopefully that objective can be fulfilled sooner than later," Violet assumed.

"We will talk about that when you get back, see you in a few hours." He placated.

"Understood," Violet said as she closed the channel since the plane was on auto pilot. She wanted to get changed into civilian attire and hopefully get a chance to relax and possibly take a nap before she would have to play babysitter again as she popped a few pills of very high level painkillers that would make Oxycodone look like children's Tylenol.

Meanwhile Buddy had made his escape and had arrived back at his compound, a different island this time since the 'authorities' literally blew up the last one. But while Buddy was getting a bit desperate, he wasn't stupid. He installed the nanochip into an ordinary laptop that wasn't connected in any way to the internet in case there was some kind of signal embedded. Fifteen seconds later he found himself staring at a melting piece of trash on fire before he put the fire out.

"And that's why we don't just hook things up into the system." He muttered aloud as he retrieved the other nano chip, the one that was on the left, he had taken both, just in case she was leading him astray. He picked up the dead computer with thick work gloves and simply dumped it into the trash and retrieved another, turning it on and repeating the process. This time, it worked perfectly.

"Well, it appears you didn't steer me wrong, this time," he mused as he retrieved the nanochip and put it into his system. Since the 'incident' aka him almost being completely shredded by a jet engine, his ability to create new technology had been hindered greatly. But he could reverse engineer anything and make it better, and that was his intention now. Once he had all the specs down it would be difficult to put the nanochip back along with another dummy one but not impossible.

Except when he came back a week later, it was a trap. The moment he opened that safe, there were more guards on him than he could count coming almost out of nowhere. He was immediately detained in a holding cell in the basement of the building and stripped of all his gear but thankfully they still let him keep his original clothes on.

Buddy wondered who would be coming, would it be the local police? The FBI? The CIA? He ended up waiting a few days when Phillip Sebastian came in himself.

"Good morning Mr. Bartholomew Maximillian Pine, I understand that you like to go by "Buddy" less formal." Phillip greeted formally with a smug smirk on his handsome face.

"Good morning Mr. Sebastian," Buddy mirrored warily as he looked down to see the hairs on his arm raise as if the static electricity in the room was getting charged as he wondered if Invisigirl was with Phillip, in fact he would bet on it as he glanced at the space around Phillip to see if he could see any distortions and he couldn't see any but he could sense her the way he could sense Mirage in the past, the way she had taught him to anyway, and realized Invisigirl was so close to him, he could reach out and touch her if he tried but he got the sense she had an invisible weapon targeted at his head and knew that if he attempted to, he'd be dead by the time he made contact with her. His heart still stung at Mirage's betrayal which had hurt him the worst and when he was seen how she married some other billionaire playboy, it had dumped his ass into one of the worst depressions of his life and almost completely broke him, but the lessons she taught him were invaluable and he was finding himself grateful for them right in this moment.

"Mr. Pine, you are either really smart or really stupid, you had the nanochip, why didn't you just keep it? Why risk putting it back?" Phillip inquired curiously.

"I need a lawyer," Buddy answered firmly.

"Why? You're not under arrest. The authorities haven't been called, however if you don't cooperate with me I will be forced to contact them but for now, let's leave them out of this." Phillip said dismissively.

"What do you want?" Buddy asked wearily.

"I want you to work for me, not against me." Philip answered simply.

"I refuse to work for anyone but myself." Buddy defied.

"Are you sure you don't want to reconsider? You would have your own lab and assistants and an unlimited budget, you could set your own hours and have some say so in your own salary and have access to all the compounds and technology you could ever dream of." Phillip proposed. "You would even earn a high percentage of all sales of whatever you create in collaboration with SEB Enterprises, you'll even get press for IRize and all your other little corporations, shells or no and more opportunities for your collaboration with me and my company and all of my associates and other collaborators, of which we share a surprising amount of them." Phillip generously offered.

"So what's the catch?" Buddy asked with a subtle tilt of his head in Invisigirl's direction and just barely registered the feel of his hair brush up against something. She was right next to him and his gut feeling told him she had a weapon was pointed at his head as he felt her withdraw just a little to keep from getting too close.

"You will have to work for me for a minimum of 3 years. You will stay on campus at all times unless accompanied by a security detail and you will be monitored at all times in all things." Phillip informed him solemnly. "So it's either this or some high security super prison for 20-life. Because the evidence against you is pretty damning." Phillip specified.

"Can you give me some time to think it over?" Buddy inquired.

"Of course, take all the time you need, simply knock on the door when you've made a decision." Phillip replied as he got up and left the room as Buddy watched the hairs on his forearms lay back down before another meal was delivered to him, this time it was breakfast. At least Phillip knew how to treat a guest. Even a detained one, because Buddy wasn't in shackles and was being fed decent food at least and his little one room cell, while bare, was surprisingly comfortable.

Three hours later Buddy knocked on the door and a few minutes later Phillip came in, ready to hear his answer.

"I'll do it, however I have a few conditions of my own." Buddy started and was pleased to see Phillip nod.

"I want everything in writing, I want my criminal activity erased." Buddy began.

"Of course, my lawyers are writing our contract up as we speak and any and all evidence against you and IRise will be destroyed and dissolved within the hour. Anything else?" Phillip reassured him.

"I will only work for you for two years, no more," Buddy specified.

"Five years then because you want to negotiate the time frame. Or that 20-life in a super max prison." Phillip countered.

"Ok fine, three years it is." Buddy huffed.

"Agreed." Phillip said as he held out his hand for a handshake. Buddy took it and shook firmly as he could have sworn he heard a huff nearby. The two left the room and walked to an elevator where a secretary was waiting for them. Her hair up in a bun and her gray business jacket accentuated her tulip skirt with patterned hose and killer heels along with a pair of glasses that helped her see things most eyes could not as she used her stylus like a pen.

"Everything is ready Mr. Sebastian, the notary is already in conference room 12A." She informed him as she continued to work on an electronic pad diligently.

"Excellent, thank you Ms. Parr," Phillip replied in thanks before turning to Buddy. "Mr. Pine, I believe you already know my colleague and associate Miss Violet Parr." Phillip gestured before getting on the elevator that opened once they approached.

Buddy had to do a double take, he hadn't recognized her, she was standing right in front of him and she might as well have been invisible at first. However, now that he really looked at her and took notice, she was stunning. Like just...knock out gorgeous, should have been a model herself kind of beautiful. Even she could effortlessly rock the sexy assistant look but now that he saw her, he couldn't quite make himself look away. She was gorgeous even with glasses and just as breathtaking out of her suit as she had been in it and most likely, just as lethal. And just like that, those butterflies were back in his stomach, fluttering away.

"Yes, we are already too well acquainted," Violet answered as she stepped on the elevator herself, standing on one side of Phillip, using him like a shield between her and Buddy as she continued to work on her tablet and actively ignored him.

"Well I don't know about that," Buddy answered with a smirk before he could feel static electricity instantly build within the elevator as the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck rose again. Ha, he got her tell.

"Easy," Phillip warned Violet, his tone surprisingly gentle. Violet exhaled in a huff and Buddy felt static electricity lull, the rest of the ride was in silence, the only sound, their breathing and the dinging of the elevator. Buddy noticed her breathing was noticeably huffy and almost labored while Phillip's was calm and even until they reached the twelfth floor before Violet was the first to cross the threshold before the doors fully opened, walking quickly while Phillip walked in tandem with Buddy as Phillip subtly studied Buddy's reactions to Violet.

Violet led the way to the conference room, she tapped her ID card against a reader and the door opened, revealing a notary and three lawyers, one of them being Buddy’s. All sitting at the table in the middle of the room with stacks of paperwork around them as Buddy was allowed to have some private council with his own lawyer who basically confirmed that it was either this or super max prison before they sat down to negotiate more terms of the contract.

Buddy wasn't an idiot, he read each and every single line on those contracts before signing them.

And it took four hours, a bottle of scotch, lunch and a whole variety of snack and dessert trays.

Violet looked like she wanted to die of boredom despite playing a game on her tablet for most of it and couldn't get out of there fast enough when it was all over, signed and notarized by everyone. Another assistant came to escort Buddy to his new 'apartment' which had already been filled with his things that were taken from his new compound while Phillip and Violet retreated to Phillips office.

"Well I am so glad that didn't take too long," Violet drawled sarcastically as she crashed on the comfy couch in his office after kicking her heels off. Phillip chuckled as he tossed her a bottle of water from his mini fridge in his desk and smiled when she caught it with ease.

"He's still smart, he wanted to make sure I wasn't taking him for a complete fool," Phillip countered as he took a long pull from his own water bottle as he idly watched her stretch and relax as she reclined on his couch in a very unladylike pose, with her feet up on the arm of the couch. But he loved the fact that she felt so comfortable around him and could just be herself rather than the super secret agent she felt she had to play with him. She could just be when she was alone with him and he liked it that way. No pretenses or anything like that.

"Do you think he'll honor the contract? Or do you think he'll run the first chance he gets?" Violet inquired.

"Oh I think as long as you're around, he'll stay right here. He looked at you at least a dozen times an hour, every move you made, he tried to catch." Phillip began as he glanced at Violet who had rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Speaking of which, I have a new assignment for you, I want you to be the liaison between him and I until the end of your contract." Phillip proposed.

"Hell no," Violet immediately spat as she gave him a dirty glare.

"Oh come on, all that means is you see him once a day for only a few minutes all the days we're stateside. Make sure he has everything he needs to keep him focused and relay messages back and forth," Phillip specified.

"That's what email is for." Violet retorted.

"But email is so impersonal," Phillip playfully argued in a mock complaint.

"That's exactly it, I don't want to have to deal with him any more than I absolutely have to. He did try to kill me as a child. What kind of monster purposefully kills kids? I'll tell you. Him. He's that monster. He tried to kill me, my family and kidnap Jack..," She began to go into a seething rant.

"And take over the world, yeah I know, I was there- but, that was a lifetime ago, clearly everyone involved has changed. I mean you saw him, the man is just one failed attempt away from completely imploding. And the fact that he was desperate enough to steal from me himself says a lot." He reminded her, keeping her from going into her full blown rant because he didn't want to rearrange his office...again.

"I still don't understand why he would stoop that low," Violet admitted as she thought that over again.

"I think he lost a spark ," Phillip conjectured. Violet raised a curious brow at his choice of words. "Writers and artists have muses, engineers have sparks." Phillip explained as he came over and sat on the couch with her before he nestled her head into his lap so she could look up at him.

"But if he's lost his spark, he's no good to you, it's been a decade, surely if he was going to get his 'spark ' back, don't you think he would have gotten it back by now?" Violet questioned.

"He's searching for it, pretty hard, I've been keeping him under surveillance for the last several years once he was recognized by my software. A man can only tinker so long." Phillip soothed as he began to pet her head to calm her down further.

"So he's either going to find it with you or die trying," Violet guessed.

"Exactly, besides, I know your past with him makes this especially hard and I am so proud of you for doing your best to put that aside and try to be professional and not kill him where he stands right now. But it's you who will have the last word in the matter. It's you who will get to decide if he lives or dies after his contract is up and inherit everything he has when we're done with him. Why do you think that contract included you as his heir apparent? Because once he dies, you and your family will get due recompense for everything he's done, he owes you and your family that much at least. You can put your big girl panties on and suck it up for two years. Then you get to spend that third year devising all the ways you want to torture him to death if you still want him dead after." Phillip soothed her as he started to pet her head, letting his own super ability lull her into a peaceful state, which worked extra strongly when he was able to touch her as she rolled over and faced him and took a deep, cleansing breath and mulled it over as she simply closed her eyes and soaked up this attention from him before she seemed to come to her own decision.

"You know, if I didn't know any better I would think you were an evil mastermind," Violet teased with a smug grin as she opened her eyes and tilted her head to look up at him.

"Hey now. Keep it to yourself, Edna hasn't finished my super villain suit yet," Phillip countered teasingly, causing Violet to glare at him, unimpressed by that dig. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding," Phillip placated with his hands up in defeat.

"You better be, ass," Violet grumbled.

"So will you take the job or not?" Phillip asked.

"You're going to have to up my salary again, make it worth my while." Violet insisted.

"I'll match his salary 200% as your bonus salary as long as both of you are in my employment- for the "suffering" of having to deal with him and be our liaison. And to really sweeten it, how about….oh, how about I give you a percentage of whatever he touches." Phillip offered.

"Twenty percent," Violet started.

"Ouch, no, I'm thinking 10 at the most," Phillip frowned.

"Fine, fifteen, same as Mr. Pine's percentage." Violet rebutted firmly.

"Deal," Phillip agreed. "And you start now," Phillip stipulated as he offered his hand for a shake and by now Violet knew that his handshake was as good as any contract, even one written in blood before he leaned down and kissed her sweetly.

"Fine," Violet caved before gave his gut a light playful punch that was barely a tap which made him recoil and hold his gut like she had really sucker punched him as his face scrunched up in pain which caused her to laugh which in turn made him beam a proud smile at her.

"And I want it in writing by the time I get back." Violet insisted.

"Of course," He nodded in agreement.

"And you still owe me dinner because lunch sucked." Violet reminded him as she slipped back into her heels before going down to a different lab and got the appropriate hardware for Buddy and made her way to Buddy's floor, using her key card to get to the floor, since his floor wasn’t shown on the elevator and she had to press two floors and press her keycard to the reader to get to it. She thought it was ridiculous that he would have more than a bed and a lab let alone an entire floor full of equipment and an apartment that rivaled most penthouses but Phillip wanted to give Buddy every opportunity to succeed by making sure he stayed comfortable.

She came into the lab to see him already at work. She knocked on a countertop to make her presence known so as not to startle him.

"How come you couldn't do that before?" Buddy asked wryly as he looked over at her as he was still putting things away in the lab section of the floor.

"Because you weren't supposed to know I was there. We have a few details we need to discus Mr. Pine." Violet began as she watched him pause and turn to face her to give her his complete attention before he started walking towards her and joined her at the island.

"First, you are never to address me as anything other than Ms. Parr and you will always conduct yourself in the utmost professional manner when dealing with me or any other employee, partner or associate of SEB Industries. I am your liaison to Mr. Sebastian himself so if there anything in particular that you need regarding your living and your work you can tell me. These are yours, your phone has been cloned into this before it was put to sleep, you can retrieve it once your contract is up." Violet stated as she held up the phone and the tablet before putting them down on the counter and sliding them towards him. "My number is under speed dial one and is only supposed to be used in emergencies and for vital business needs and inquires during reasonable business hours. And I swear to God if I get any flirtation from you or heaven forbid dick pics, I will personally cut your dick off and shove it down your throat and watch you choke on it before I throw your body into another jet engine turbine and feed your remains to the rats in the subway and then inherit everything you have and sell it off at auction to the highest bidder. Any information mining or manipulations by you will be met with the same treatment. Is that understood?" Violet specified as her gaze bored through him with a look that if it could kill, he would have been dead already.

"Yes Ma'am." Buddy nodded with a gulp.

"Now, while at SEB Industries we suggest little to no contact with the outside world other than of course the contact with various associates and colleagues to complete projects. However SEB does understand that there are certain 'needs' that only the outside world can satisfy." Violet explained as she cleared her throat and fought not to shudder and gag when she said 'needs'. "And those will be handled by the appropriate liaison which is not me. And that proper liaison is Leslie, she's on speed dial 2 who will also take care of anything outside of the normal business hours. Now, is there anything in particular you need or want at this time? Perhaps dinner?" She offered as she noticed the time.

"Dinner sounds great, as long as you will eat it with me," Buddy answered hopefully but she narrowed her eyes as he felt the static electricity build up again for a moment before she simply took a deep breath.

"Unfortunately I have prior engagements, but you do have access to a full kitchen in the apartment side of this floor that should be well stocked, and if it is lacking feel free to create a grocery list and I will have an assistant fulfill it. We also allow take out to be delivered although anything you receive will be subjected to inspection and scans. But there is a drawer next to your fridge full of menus of all the restaurants who deliver here or you could order something online. Do you understand the terms I have dictated?" She explained as explicitly as she could and as calmly and as professionally as she could because she had to swallow all the anger and rage she felt towards him down for now because it was her job. But if he dared cross the line, she had no qualms about ending him where he stood.

"Yes," Buddy confirmed with a nod.

"Do you have any questions?" Violet obligatorily asked.

"Are you free for dinner tomorrow?" Buddy asked before he saw her slip her metaphoric mask on more tightly.

"No. Good day Mr. Pine, good luck with your work," Violet coldly replied before turning and leaving her heels clicking in her wake.

Buddy smirked and went back to work. His own plan was working well.

[thetypedwriter]

The Hate U Give Book Review

The Hate U Give.

T.H.U.G.

Thug Life.

The hate you give little infants fucks everybody.

This title and lyric comes from none other than Tupac, a rapper constantly referenced in Angie Thomas’ novel that has struck thousands, been turned into a sensational movie, and has been used as an educational tool around the world today.

In case you haven’t heard of it or haven’t gotten around to it yet, the novel revolves around a sixteen-year-old girl named Starr Carter who lives in the fictionalized “ghetto” community of Garden Heights, thought to be based off of a real neighborhood in Jacksonville, Mississippi. 

This predominantly black community houses Starr and her family-prominent characters in their own right-her mother Lisa, her father, Big Mav, and her two brothers.

The story gets started very quickly with Starr reluctantly attending a party where she vehemently believes she doesn't belong, as she constantly is at battle with her “sassy” persona from the hood and her cool black persona at her primarily white school Williamson.

At this party, Starr briefly reconnects with her childhood friend Khalil, whom she’s lost contact with, and after an altercation at the party, Starr and Khalil find themselves fleeing the scene in Khalil’s car, rapping to Tupac and in which the aforementioned title is explained right from the get-go.

Shortly after, Khalil is pulled over for what seems to be no reason at all and while Starr received the “cop talk” at age 12, Khalil doesn’t seem to be on the same page. 

He demands the cop to tell him why he pulled them over and what should have been a brief and quick conversation turns aggressive and toxic in the blink of an eye.

This fateful encounter ends with Khalil reaching into the window to check on Starr as well as reaching for his hairbrush when he is shot several times by the cop, who presumed he was reaching for a gun.

Starr watches as one of her oldest friends bleed out on the street, innocent hairbrush in hand, cowering against the car as One-Fifteen-the officer-points his gun at her as well, an unarmed child.

This is chapter two of the book.

The rest of the book details Starr’s experience of the death of her friend (for the second time) and the subsequent events that unfold. It chronicles her fight for justice and her struggle between what she perceives to be her two selves as well as simply trying to wade through the normal obstacles of being a teenager: friend drama, relationships, prom, and family.

The death of Khalil-a seventeen year old boy-is a symbol for all the other innocent black lives that have ended due to presumptions and assumptions that have ended in cold-blooded murder.

This book is Thomas’ way of not only educating others, but also giving homage to all the real lives lost due to inherent racism, prejudices, and hate. Starr is a strong and relatable character that shows the life of a young black teenager in all her raw amazing forms. 

Starr and her friends learn valuable lessons throughout the book: sense of self, forgiveness, love, hate, bravery, and pride in who one is and where they come from.

This book, while dealing with heavy and poignant themes and used as a platform for many rights and a tool for education, is also highly entertaining, charming, and at times, incredibly humorous.

 Thomas does an amazing job of weaving a narrative that is both solemn and serious as well as modern, relatable, and full of love. It reminded me very heavily of Sherman Alexie’s The Absolutely True Diary of  Part-Time Indian and Christina Lauren’s Aubtoboyagraphy.

All these books tell heavy stories that need to be told-often because their subject matters make people uncomfortable or upset in ways that are deeply psychological, but do it in a way that is accessible to the youth and presented with a hopeful lens that shows the naked truth of the horror of what has transpired, but also the everlasting positivity that comes with educating the masses on such topics and the ever shifting nature of beliefs and values.

This book is a symbol of hope and a love letter for girls who look like Starr all over the world. While at times, I did find that the linear of the narrative was disrupted awkwardly so that Thomas could interject a teaching moment-talking about the nature of African-American names, discussing why young boys like Khalil would sell drugs in the first place, the vicious cycle of gangs, etc, the overall narrative is smooth and lovingly written from the heart.

This book is heavy. As it should be.

But it is also amazing and thought provoking as well as simply a good read.

Recommendation: If you somehow haven’t read The Hate U Give, or, even more miraculously, haven’t seen the movie by the same name, then you definitely need to at some point in your life.

 I understand that during Quarantine at the moment perhaps digesting something of this nature might not be the pick-me-up that you need. That’s okay. But. You still should read this novel at some point in your life. You will be glad that you did and hopefully be a better person because of it.

Score: 8/10

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

Raising Hell: Growing up 2nd gen in the FFWPU

J. McKenna           June 12, 2014

I believe most people I bonded with while growing up have also seen through a lot of the fucked up systems and teachings of the Unification Church. I hope I am able to express and share in this process with them (or you) and perhaps hope to lend in the processing of others who still may feel trapped or hesitant or unsure of their own feeling and conclusions. This article isn’t for people still interested in pursuing the ideals of the church. I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything but rather hope to convey my experiences in a healing process. I encourage comments but it is not likely I will respond to any trolling or useless debate.

While some ex-Moonies may find exposing Reverend Moon or members of his family for their hypocrisy and scandals personally vindicating and supporting their decision to leave the church, I am most interested in elaborating on my personal experiences—experiences I now view as injustices and direct harm, that I had growing up as a member of the Unification Church.

Social alienation and censored upbringing: It taught youth that they were “different” “special” “purified” people of a different quality and type than people “outside” the church.  This leads to an alienation with other people and a strange in-group out-group mentality that often lends to superiority-inferiority complexes and judgment of other people’s lives as not being as valuable as a “purified” person in the church.

Ex-post facto justifications: History is seen as god’s will as narrated through the teachings of the church, thus the genocide of native Americans, the holocaust, slavery, etc. are seen as the proper progression of history, and often is taught along with “moral justifications” for these events. The violence of Christianity is unexamined (mission system in the US, anyone?). Systems of oppression, sexism, racism, genocide are all normalized and rather than the movement being anything resembling a true critique or shift in these systems, they are replicated implicitly and explicitly in a myriad of ways.

Explicit homophobia: I heard people I otherwise respected give the slippery slope argument against gay marriage (what’s next, marrying animals?), heard Rev. Moon’s translator stumble over trying to edit homophobic remarks (homosexuals are worse than dogs). I was encouraged to read a book by Richard Cohen (a “cured” gay member) featuring pseudo-sciencey case studies pathologizing homosexuality.

Purity culture: Everything is about sex and the control of sexual desire. By mandating that we not be sexual, focus on purity, and talking about marriage we are constantly talking about sex and it is the central discourse of the movement. By teaching young people that their value is tied to their virginity, many people are put in harms way.  Paired with purity culture was abstinence only sex education, slut-shaming, and rape culture (if she didn’t do something to deserve it [which she probably did], I bet her ancestors did).

Lineage teaching: The focus on a pure lineage and “2nd generation” did several harmful things. First, it gave parents a creepy entitlement to their children’s sexuality and sex lives, demanding that they follow a strict path of purity and ultimately end up in church sanctioned unions with a member of the opposite sex. Having premarital sex is then the dividing line between in-group and out-group, as once a person has sex, they are no longer a valued member of their community and no longer “purified” under the lineage requirements. This is then accounted for by other ritual and purification processes to allow for a continued membership, but as a second class or demoted status person within the organization. Those who had sex before the sanctioned marriage in the church were designated “special category” and were encouraged to renounce what they did and get back on a path to purity in the hopes of marrying someone in the church, now only eligible to marry other “special category” church members.

Consent: Teachings about relationships and consensual sex are not present.  Sex is viewed as the ultimate payoff for purity and self-denial. Members are encouraged to forgo sex and follow a strict life of purity as a course to get to a state of sanctioned marriage with another person of equal purity and once that union is sanctioned and ritually complete, a relationship of “absolute sex” is permitted and ones partner’s genitals are seen as one’s own property. This is a problematic teaching as it lends to a sense of entitlement of another person and ignores issues of consent.

Dualism and Black/White binary thinking: Strict gender proscriptions and dualism teachings encourage black and white thinking and mentality about the world. Gender is viewed as inherent and of a specific type. There are specific ways that masculinity is to be embodied as well as femininity.

Racist essentializing: The “superiority” and “inherent purity” of Korean people plays into the myths around Asian women and supports racial superiority of Korean people. This is harmful to other races as well as Korean people, who are confined to boxes and put on pedestals within the movement.  Other racist or nationalist caricatures are supported (black people are entertainers, American women are individualistic bitches) and a true examination of race and its constructions and meanings is not attempted or acknowledged. This leaves dominant-submissive racial and cultural differences between interracial marriages to be navigated in isolation and leaves children to operate in the world without any real discussions about race and its impacts.

Misogyny: Rev. Moon only sees women living in a way he condones to be worthy of respect and safety. He often compares women to cows, where every piece of her biology has a purpose to serve others. In one speech he suggests if a woman doesn’t want to use her breast to feed a baby it should be cut off. His abusive and withholding beginning of his marriage with Mrs. Moon is idealized, and she is put on a pedestal for her undying submission to him and for “proving herself” during the first seven years of their marriage. Strict gender roles are prescribed and their subordinate status to men is affirmed through the teachings that men are “subject” and women “object”.

This reflection has helped me express a fraction of the processing it has taken for me to shift from my upbringing, where I thought I was a part of a revolutionary group and something special and transformative to now, where I recognize the unification church as a fringe backlash movement of the 50’s and 60’s of women’s liberation. Far from being a liberating and uplifting movement, it offers very disturbing explicit messages about the natural order of male domination and female subservience, lack of autonomy and control of one’s body and consent, simplistic racial stereotypes, and explicit statements of violence toward women. These are all problematic and are not fringe statements of the movement, rather they are the core tenets of the doctrine that centers on prescriptions around sex.

This reflection is for me, but I am sharing it in hopes to allow others to process and share in their own transformations through their upbringing in the Unification Church. I know and respect many people who I know through the Unification Church, some of which are still practicing members and this is not meant as an attack on them or their beliefs (though, if this upsets you a lot, maybe look into some of those things and work through that).  I opted out from the Unification Church and through that process experienced many shifts in myself. I write this in hope to give a voice to my experiences and articulate some of the problematic parts of growing up in the unification church that negatively impacted my life and put up roadblocks for my understandings of myself.  

*this post is a part of a multigenre project for a class. Feel free to comment and share.

http://growingup2nd.blogspot.com/

_________________________________

Insights December 2014 by J. McKenna

Cult Indoctrination – and the Road to Recovery

My advice on leaving the FFWPU / Unification Church

Scared of Leaving?

Sun Myung Moon caused huge damage to many second gen children. There have been many suicides.

Writings of former FFWPU members Many recount their experiences in the organization or their journeys out of it

VIDEO: A Prison of Shame & Fear: Understanding the Role of Shame in Cult Indoctrination & Recovery with Dan Shaw, LCSW

[monsterfucker-lisa-swallows]

i keep hoping that one day i’ll meet an autistic person who wasn’t abused or neglected by their parents. i hope that magical person exists. because so often i’ll meet someone and they’ll be like “well my parents didn’t punish me for stimming and weren’t violent like yours so they’re pretty good but at the same time they relentlessly mocked me and were passive aggressive toward me and made me feel terrible about my limitations and even though i’m an adult i’m not allowed to make decisions for myself because it’s assumed i’m too naive to know what i want or what i can handle”

like i don’t know which autistic person needs to hear this, but you don’t deserve to be treated that way. the problem isn’t you, it’s them. for some reason, parents get ideas into their heads of what they want you to be even before you’re born and it is NOT your responsibility to live up to those expectations. your purpose in life is to live your best life, not theirs. just because your parents never hit you doesn’t mean they didn’t stunt your growth. i don’t want any of you to have to find your best selves the way i did (i had to completely cut off an abusive family), but i firmly believe that our abilities may not be as high as our parents expect them to be or as low as they think they are when they switch to infantilization mode - but rather in between. the key is to find our comfort zone and limitations and carve out a space for ourselves. you don’t have to be someone else’s version of “perfect” in order to deserve autonomous decision making. your opinions are valuable, your viewpoints matter, and you don’t deserve to be talked down to for expressing a differing opinion. (seriously, the amount of autistics i talk to who have had parents accuse them of being radicalized by the internet when they say just like normal regular liberal things is astounding. we obviously can’t have our own opinions, we muuuust be easily influenced and preyed upon.)

your feelings also matter, by the way. too many of us are told we’re overreacting when we’re perfectly justified to be upset. why do parents think it’s okay to mock our facial expressions or stims (especially in arguments)? wouldn’t they be upset if we mocked their facial expressions? why do parents think it’s okay to openly and constantly tell us we’re annoying or boring or that the thing we like is stupid, then turn around and act confused about why we’re depressed? people act like we’re the ones who have trouble filtering things but then they can talk about us however they want like we’re not even in the room with no repercussions. if we defend ourselves then we’re the ones in trouble for it.

a lot of us are in positions where we don’t even have a stable sense of self because we’ve been punished for expressions of our authentic self so we end up waiting for cues from others about how we should think or act. obviously our opinions aren’t valid and can’t be expressed until we know other people also share them.

i’m just especially frustrated by this whole “high-functioning” thing. oh so we’re not all savants so now you’re annoyed at us? all autistic people deserve access to care. if we’re “high functioning” you use us to put down nonverbal autistics (which is fucked up, like seriously stop doing that), then turn around and get mad at us because we’re supposed to be geniuses? nts spend half their time raising the bar higher and being like “come on, reach it, if you reach it then we’ll start being nice to you” and then the other half of the time they’re like “fuck’s sake, this one’s a moron, he shouldn’t be allowed to vote and is a drain on the system”. there’s this weird in between place nts put us too where they’re like “you’re faking it, you seem fine, go to work for the capitalist system that makes you literally have breakdowns”. in case you’re not autistic and haven’t experienced this, everyone i’ve talked to has had all these experiences, sometimes in the same day from the same people. one moment, you’re a 24 year old child who can’t decide for herself then the next moment you’re being put out in the workforce. (it’s why the “mental age” thing is so damaging, it doesn’t cover the full range of skill level. it would be much more accurate to measure skill level like a video game character imo.)

i’m just frustrated. i’m out of the situation now because i had no choice, but i know it stunted my growth for years. i couldn’t cook for myself and i thought i’d basically die if i had to live on my own. now i can sort of cook for myself and sort of do basic tasks to live on my own. sure i can’t really hold down a job and there are a lot of “easy” things i’ll never be able to do, but i know my limits now and i accept them. a lot of autistic people never get the opportunity to find out their limits because nobody ever takes the time to explain how to do things. (nts love to just be like “figure it out” then get mad at you when you didn’t understand their directions.) obviously i don’t want anyone to go through what i did, because it’s inherently traumatizing to be forced to survive on your own with a disability. i just know that so many people i know have a low self worth literally because their parents put crushing expectations on them then kicked their feet out from under them.

[blazeball]

mr. priest is a blackwing subject

more specifically, he’s project cain

i’ve been holding off on making this post for a week and a half or so bcos i’ve been trying to compile enough research but like... might as well do it now?

this is gonna be a long post. i. hope people will even bother to, like, read this skdjnsdkjvn. just in case! here’s the tl;dr:

mr priest, aka osmund priest, is a blackwing subject, more specifically project cain. evidence of that can be found in the events of the show. he was conditioned by blackwing and ended up the way he is bcos they wanted a weapon.

first of all, we need to bring up the list of blackwing subjects

this one, tweeted out by max landis before season two started. first row, third from the right, is project cain, which proves that. a project cain exists!

all of these names have a history behind them- i’ve compiled a google doc here, but you don’t need to read it. they’re all from various religions; greek, norse, canaan, judaism, along with a few others. i’m not gonna go into detail on any of them except cain (but if you want to talk about the other subjects feel free to message me, i’m always hungry for more people to talk about this with!!)

cain was the first murderer, and he killed his brother abel because the lord favored his sacrifices as compared to cain’s. he was punished to a life of wandering, and when cain said that he’s rather die, he was given the mark of cain, a curse in which anyone who harmed him would suffer sevenfold.

over the course of the show, mr. priest is only referred to by his last name. however, in an interview with alan tudyk, priest’s actor and max landis, it’s confirmed that his first name is osmund. the meaning of the name osmund?

god’s protection

furthermore, over the course of the show, mr. priest is only harmed once, by panto. nasty scissor cut bisecting his face. what happens to panto?

he, and everyone he cares about, dies.

if that isn’t retribution sevenfold, i don’t know what is.

let’s move on to priest’s introduction scene, because it really is... something.

friedkin wakes up after passing out bcos martin drained his energy. mr. priest chastises him, telling him that one can’t get too close to the rowdies without stunning them first, especially if they’ve been starving. mr. priest knows a lot about the rowdy 3; he did capture them, as confirmed by max landis in some unfortunately deleted tweets. he has several insights into the holistics that every other antagonist doesn’t, actually. but we’ll get back to that later.

they talk a little bit more, and then priest says this:

“i help people get got and gotten absolutely.”

and this is true, backed up by canon! he caught 30 of the original 42 blackwing subjects, including bart, dirk, and the rowdies. he did the impossible and caught those who shouldn’t be able to be caught. he helped cage some of the tools of the universe!

and that’s something i think only another tool of the universe can do. i think that priest is a holistic hunter

it would fit! what other kind of person could catch 30 holistics? no normal human man would be capable of that. and, also, in season 1, martin says that when they do their.. energy vampire, thing, it really fucks up normal people. thats evident in what happened when martin huffed friedkin. but when vogel does that to priest? all he does is stumble a bit. thats it. now, we could blame that on priest just being... fucked up... but i really don’t think thats the case. coupled with the fact that vogel is visibly and viscerally terrified of priest, i think he KNOWS that he can’t do anything to priest without getting hurt. hell, he tried, and he got his fingers broken and was subsequently captured by the kellum knights.

let’s move on, but not too far from our last point- this show really likes to mirror scenes. it’s most obvious in season 1, with bart and ken’s conversations and dirk and todd’s conversations sometimes quoting each other exactly. there’s also more minor things, like this scene, or even what priest says to dirk in the cardenas house in s2 e6 compared to what ken says to dirk in s2 e10 or what riggins says in his confrontation with dirk in s1 e3.

lets look at another line that priest says in his first scene:

“i’m a very bad person. i’m, i’m no good, hugo, i’m troubled.... i’m just a gun, friedkin. i don’t do anything unless you pull the trigger.”

that sounds familiar... huh! i wonder where i’ve heard this sentiment before?

“i thought i was a leaf on the stream of creation. but i’m not. i’m on a wire. i’m a puppet. i’m not even a person. i’m a weapon.”

ohhhhhhh

and after that, where does bart ASK to go? blackwing. where she feels like she belongs, where ken is, because who else will take someone- something like her?

a nice little segue into our next point!

priest was ABOLUTELY conditioned to act this way by blackwing

and blackwing is more insidious than it may seem. hell, it starts at the base level- the project names

first of all, theres the fact that they’re projects in the first place- the use of the word project instead of subject inherently dehumanizes these people, implying that they’re less a person and more a weapon in progress. because, yes, blackwing is absolutely trying to figure out how to weaponize these people.

while i was compiling the information in the blackwing doc, i noticed something; over half of the projects are named after demons, personifications or heralds of death, or just... generally Bad Things. i was originally trepidatious, wondering how so many of these subjects could be so dangerous. but then i remembered the subjects that we do know:

project lamia, mona wilder. named after a shapeshifting monster that eats children. we know that mona has the ability to be dangerous, but generally doesn’t want to. the only time she’s ever harmed someone was when she was being searched for and was undoubtedly terrified, and even then, friedkin didn’t have any lasting damage.

projects moloch! canaanite god associated with child sacrifice. its root is in the hebrew word molekh, meaning king. if we didn’t know who this was, we might be alarmed, but, well, it’s francis. and, again, he has the ability to be dangerous, but he doesn’t want to. the only times his dreams have ever caused harm are when he had nightmares. and naming a kid whose parents were killed in front of him, whose brother gave him up to the government out of fear, after a god associated with child sacrifice? what the fuck, blackwing?

i firmly believe that most of these subjects are not as bad as the history behind their names leads us to think.

but the blackwing subjects are still taught that they are.

can you imagine how valuable someone with priests abilities would be? a hunter that can’t get hurt without the other party facing retribution? if they can recruit him to their side, condition him into thinking that all he’s good for is hunting and killing, then they have a very valuable asset on their hands

and that’s just what i imagine happened.

lets look, again, at priests introduction scene. specifically, this line:

“i’m a very bad person. i’m a scary monster.”

those aren’t ideas that just pop up in your head. those are things that are told to you, ideas that are given to you by other people

the short story is i think priest was conditioned into thinking he was a horrible person and, trying to find comfort in that fact, started enjoying the job that blackwing eventually gave him, which was hunting down other holistics. you can see how much fun he’s having playing cat and mouse with vogel in s2 e3, toying with dirk’s emotions in the cardenas house in s2 e6

and theres even more! the fact that he understands the holistics powers better than any other antagonist on the show, how visibly terrified everyone is of him to an extent that isn’t given any other character, etc etc. but this is way too long already, and i gotta wrap this up.

tl;dr, osmund priest is a blackwing subject, or more specifically, project cain, and was conditioned to act this way by blackwing so he could be used as a weapon for the government

[cannabisrefugee-esq]

American Feminism Was (Is) a Psy-Op. Western Medicine Shored up Male Power. Discuss.

This post is about American feminism specifically since that’s the brand I know the most about and the one that affects me every day of my life.  I am not talking about other “feminisms” in other places but here in my own country where, after 100 years of feminist activating, including actual and/or perceived successes American women still face the following oppressive realities of living under American men’s particular brand of patriarchy:

1.  We are removed from natural food and water sources and rely on necrophilic men to supply us and our dependents with the material necessities of life including food, water and plant-based medicine;

2.  Our land including our soil, air, water and biomass (i.e. food, pets and ourselves) have been consistently poisoned since the 1940s (that we know about) with male-made nuclear radiation where this kind of ionizing radiation is known to be dangerous and not compatible with life or health;

3.  Physical and mental “health” have been medicalized where “health problems” are synonymous with “medical problems” meaning that in America, health and Western (capitalistic patriarchal) medicine are the same thing;

4.  All institutional power remains in men’s hands with only token female representation in positions of military, economic, academic, scientific, police, media, regulatory and all relevant political and social power in every area.  This includes 100% male control over Western medicine and therefore over sick and dying bodies.

This is a partial list and a specific progression but it will do for now.

What is a psy-op?  A psy-op or psychological operation appears to be a propaganda campaign including slogans aimed at a political enemy in order to get them to activate toward and achieve state interests.  For our purposes “state” interests is interchangeable with patriarchal interests and refers to male interests and male power achieved at women’s expense while “propaganda” refers to American media including representations of so-called feminist speech.  Working backwards, we can see that once feminists (of all people!) started activating towards and achieving patriarchal goals, there was indeed a propaganda/slogan campaign that preceded it.  Also for our purposes, we can presume both causation and intent where the result of this propaganda campaign — women activating towards male interests — was completely foreseeable and besides, if men didn’t like the result of women activating towards male and against female interests men could’ve stopped or changed it at any time.  Of course they never did.

After writing about my experience with Western (patriarchal) medicine for a year now, where I have been robbed of my health and then faced oppressive social and political consequences of my disease that have nothing to do with being sick and everything to do with being an oppressed person under capitalism and patriarchy, I can’t help but conclude that American feminism has failed us.  It didn’t work.  After 100 years of feminist activating in the West, American women are still fucked and being fucked (and fucked over) in every way imaginable and it’s not primarily about voting and husbands and money anymore if it ever was but about men having wrecked our entire country by now with male-made nuclear contamination > makes everyone sick > Western medicine is 100% under male and patriarchal control.*

That is the reality in which women and feminists find ourselves in 2019 and there is simply no way around it.  While it is true that “if you don’t have your health you don’t have anything” and that therefore, in taking our health men have taken everything from us, the effect on American women of our lost health goes beyond even that: the full-scale contamination/unhealthfulness of our food, water and air means that no matter what we do or don’t we are likely to become ill and/or saddled with caring for ill dependents.  And our rather unavoidable illness and that of our dependents will funnel us into men’s abusive Western medical machine that will chew us up forever and there is not a good goddamned thing we can do about it. 

To wit, once we or one (or more) of our dependents become sick, as we are the caretakers of our own and our families’ health it is primarily women who will be subjected to medicalized patriarchal control including medical surveillance, i.e. required examinations, “check-ups” and the like.   Likewise it is women who will face restrictions on our movement and speech including required regular contact we cannot opt-out of including on behalf of sick children and social taboos against criticising Western medicine and those in the medical profession generally including “heroic” and authoritative doctors, nurses, hospice workers and others.

And as it’s primarily women who suffer from confounding untreatable, incurable and progressive diseases such as autoimmune disease, primarily women will be forced to liquidate our assets (if we even have any) to pay for medical care for ourselves and others including so-called alternative medical care that is also under male control and is therefore fundamentally necrophilic and unlikely to heal us.  Western medicine also notoriously causes iatrogenic illness and injury and makes us worse over time necessitating more interventions and so on.  And if we have no assets, and most women don’t, we must submit to grueling, ineffective and even toxic and dangerous Western medical interventions in exchange for disability-based benefits if we are literally to survive.  This medicalized patriarchal control over women and our dependents (and therefore over women in multiple ways) is overlapping and complete.

Get it?  Despite decades of feminist activating, American women are now completely and demonstrably under male control via the Western medical machine that requires and enforces our submission/compliance on every level and which cannot be avoided once we become ill, and we are nearly assured of becoming ill due to men’s policy and practice of ongoing severe environmental pollution.  For our generations of activating women have been granted unfreedom of thought, speech, privacy, movement and our material survival is left completely in the hands of our oppressors — men.  That patriarchal control over women is now complete means that, despite superficial appearances, American women are now completely disenfranchised and that therefore, American women’s oppression is worse now than ever.  Doesn’t it? 

How and why did this happen despite women’s and feminists’ best efforts including generations of feminist activating?  In hindsight, considering that women’s failing health is what seems to have finally, effectively shored up male power in the West, our so-called feminist movement seems to have played a significant part where feminist women were duped early on into trading our historical and indeed natural dominion over food, water and matters of the “home” (in other words, the literal necessities of life) in exchange for the money and consumerist power needed to buy those things from men.  And when considering the elements of a psy-op, it would seem that any pro-woman intent of the American women’s liberation movement was thwarted when American feminism was reduced to a slogan — slogans being a tool of propaganda and psy-ops — in this case slogans of “equality” and specifically economic equality, where money, as I understand it, was only ever a scam designed to fool oppressed people into trading things that are inherently valuable (such as land and gynergy) for worthless paper.  Think about what that means.

Money, and therefore economic justice and economic equality, is and always was a trick and we fell for it, where what women actually wanted — to survive and thrive on our own terms rather than being used and abused by men — was reduced to an equality sound-bite and one that actually defanged if not completely reversed the meaning and goals of feminism which was women’s liberation from male power.  In short, women were duped via feminism into relinquishing our birthright of actual, meaningful control over the necessities of life — our natural right because we create life — in exchange for positions in the pubic workplace for which we were paid worthless paper.  And that tradeoff was and still is what we and everyone thinks “feminism” is all about.  As perhaps the final insult to our intelligence and our freedom, women were convinced by slogans to desire spending-power (consumerism) where the only thing worth buying is land, and where perhaps the original intent of the money-scam itself was trading worthless paper for inherently valuable real estate.   Despite alleged economic/financial successes for women via feminism, land/real estate in particular remains so “expensive” (meaning that it takes so much economic and other power to purchase it) that it’s still out of most women’s and women’s collective reach.

Of course, land ownership is of particular import to women where large tracts of land are more or less required to grow food, and where ownership rights (at minimum) are needed to keep men out and to prevent them from poisoning the land, and by extension the food, water, the air and us. Women’s large-scale ownership (meaning control) of land is exactly what women do not have and it is unlikely at this point that we ever will.  The modern trend of “independent” women purchasing tiny homes on tiny (or no) plots of land, where they still purchase contaminated food, water and the necessities of life from men and are still under the jurisdiction of Western medicine when we become ill from it seems to punctuate the feminist misstep and is where generations of the feminist psy-op has left us.  Ironically, these relatively large (for women) tiny home or even flat/apartment purchases often strain women’s meager resources beyond the breaking point, leaving us even more vulnerable than we would’ve been had we saved our money and remained renters with a landlord to cover property taxes and expensive or unexpected repairs.   And on it goes.

There is surely more to say about the feminist psy-op and about Western patriarchy’s final, successful domain over women via Western medicine and I have said quite a lot about that control in the articles on this blog.  For now, as I am posting this on a symbolically relevant day, I will end this post with a thought on International Women’s Day.   Considering our history and our failures, which include our apparently abject failure to liberate American women from male control, I really think Western and particularly American feminists should probably shut the fuck up about feminism already because we clearly have not a single clue what we are doing and that we have failed, where we have failed, and why.  At this point, if other women around the world have managed to retain control over their own food, water and/or medical care they are doing much better than we are and it would probably behoove us to listen to those women, emulate them as much as we reasonably can, and to not pretend for one second that we are doing any better than they are, or that those women need our brand of “feminist” help.  That’s just not the reality of our situation or theirs.

*I also blame GMO’s and their appearance in the American marketplace in the 1990s which more or less coincided with our nationwide epidemic of obesity and autism/ASD where both obesity and ASD are known to be inflammatory conditions and therefore autoimmunity related.  And the epidemic of autoimmune and immune-mediated diseases has only worsened since then and affects primarily women.  But for purposes of this post I think focusing on nuclear contamination will do.  Nuclear contamination also causes genetic defects in plant- and animal-based foodstuffs — and in us.