#and im trying to finish heartbeat
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eventually--darling · 1 year ago
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God grant me the strength to watch my dearest
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sforzesco · 1 year ago
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Hi. I want to read Camus' Caligula. Which translation have you read (if you read it in translation)? I would search under tags but my tumblr is currently acting up. If you've read more, which one would you recommend, or what did you like about each one?
I've read camus' caligula in french and a couple of translations in english, the only one I like is Stuart Gilbert's translation, the other ones aren't even worth talking about tbh
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I'm incredibly obsessed with phrasing of 'this ghoul-haunted wilderness of mine,' 10/10
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flamboyant-king · 1 year ago
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I had an Isaac run where it was so stressful my heartrate was at a 145bpm and it persisted for 6 hours. After that, like every day that followed, my heart would just suddenly shoot up to 120-140bpm for an hour if I so much as thought about something I've been stressing over recently. Everybody encouraging me to go to the ER. And I'm just like "Oh please I've actually always been like this, I'm fine." Had to chop down my Adderall dosage. But I swear I've felt like this since high school, but I guess the medicine enhances the feeling and that feeling was ANXIETY.
So, suffice to say, playing The Binding of Isaac™️ almost gave me a heart attack.
#and its not the adderall thats just inducing the heartrate#cause i only got prescribed adderall this year#dad got diagnosed with afib when i was still in school. he rushed himself to the hospital with mom while i was taking a test#i was like what the heck where did you guys go and mom said oh dad was having a heart attack or something and we didnt want to bother you#like WOULDNT YOU TELL YOUR CHILD OH MAYBE YOU WONT SEE YOUR FATHER AFTER WE GO TO THE HOSPITAL BUT FINISH YOUR EXAM BABY#that was like 2020 and we have a couple of those oxygen readers for your fingers and it measures your heartbeat#i out one on for fun im just sitting there at the dinner table and my heartrate was at 120#like i didnt do anything we been stuck at home because pandemic and we just having a nice dinner#and my heartbeat was just thats my resting heartrate. they told me to try the blood pressure thing#average blood pressure but truly my heartbeat was just vibing at 120. mis padres were like oh no maybe you have afib too#babes youre too young to have that. and i jsut said oh is that what it means when im nauseous and have to lie down#i havent been diagnosed with anything. i suspect is tachycardia but no official thing#although i havent seen a cardiologist. what if we pay to get a screening and its nothing#i dont want to go thru all that and let it be nothing. lets wait until its a real problem#when my brother and his family visited just like what two weeks ago he was like#he was sitting on moms exercise bike and said it reads your heartrate#and it did you put your hands on the handle and it reads yer pulse#i told him like oooh let me try. hey brother my resting heartrate is 120 a lot. and hes like. what. get on this thing#and i get off the couch literally resting and lay my hands on the handles#and we see it go up. from 80 to 90 to 100 to 110 to 120 and hes a nurse and my moms a nurse and he says go upstairs and rest#dont hang out here with the kids. and im like ha i already told mom#he said sit there for ten minutes dont do anythingg and were trying again#he got mom to call our doctor and my doctor said to stop taking the adderall which is NOT IDEAL theres worse repurcussions to stop cold#so i cut mine in half. cause i had a dosage of 20mg and i almost fainted at work. we died the dosage down to 15#but after all that i cut my 15 down to 7.5 cause hey i cant stop cold but i can ween myself#brother said i shouldnt be taking adderall if im not doing anything that requires focus. but im like i need focus to live man#look at how much ive been drawing...i mean its only in like hour long intervals but its productive#so theres that. i can feel my heartrate already up but i guess its just a thing with me...anywho#doodles#the binding of isaac
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sunshinesalmon · 14 days ago
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good news i have passed the kitty cat test 🫡
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altruistic-meme · 9 months ago
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ABRAM HAVE YOU FIGURED OUT HOW THEYRE GONNA GET NATHANIEL OUT IN HEARTBEATS CARVED IN FLESH. WHETHER YOU HAVE THO CAN WE LIKE, STILL GET THEIR OCEAN TRIP AKZHAKDHS;;
HIII MILO <3<3
i definitely do NOT have that all planned out yet skhfshkf very likely it will lean closer to how Jean is gotten out of the Nest in canon though, since the situation is more similar to that
but YES!!! YES YOU CAN!!! it'll probably be like,,, an epilogue as opposed to part of the main story but!! they will get to go see the ocean some time after Nathaniel is out of the Nest. maybe over the Summer or the following Spring break :) (this is largely dependent on how long it actually takes them to get him out, but again i don't have... a plan... for that...)
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clehame · 2 years ago
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i’m pretty sure studying abroad was a poor decision with regards to every single aspect of my life, but i’m saying this sick and tired and after a long day of being on a mandatory field trip i’ve been dreading all week so. grain of salt etc
#doesn’t help that i just finished listening to a self described cozy mystery audiobook set in oxford#& so now i’m nostalgic and utterly convinced i should have gone to england#but still. i am trying to be positive i am trying to keep an open mind i am Putting Myself Out There as much as i’ve been able#i’ve been talking to people i’ve been asking questions i’ve been making conversation i’ve been searching desperately for someone i like#but also like. if i could get my money back and go home right now. or go to a different program even. i would in a heartbeat#a diff program wouldn’t solve everything but it would solve the academic failure of this program#which is that i’m not interested in any of the classes i’m taking bc i’m trying desperately to take classes that fulfill major requirements#but that’s almost impossible here esp for psych which is the one i need credits for#and so on an academic level this program is a waste of my time and actually actively harming me academically and i very well might have to#take a summer class. bc i can’t meet all my requirements in time#and then on a social level. well it’s me#i don’t like anyone yet and of COURSE bc its fucking day 6 but i have talked. to so many people. and it’s so hard#AND on a culinary level i don’t like any of the food here and i have to figure out how to feed myself and i genuinely considered just buying#a pallet of meal replacement shakes and drinking those. but i don’t even know if i can buy those here#anyway it would all be fine if i was just lonely and didn’t like the food that’s to be expected im homesick#but this program is like actually literally negatively impacting my degree progress and i not only would be happier but would be on a much#more stable path to graduation if i wasn’t doing it#i wish i had picked a better program I WISH I WAS TAKING CLASSES. AT A LOCAL UNIVERSITY. IN ENGLISH. AND NOT AT A STUDY ABROAD PROGRAM#HQ WITH EXCLUSIVELY OTHER AMERICANS!!! WHAT IS THE POINT?????#personal#isa bcn
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darudedogestorm · 29 days ago
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Actually fucked up that you can experience physical anxiety without mental anxiety Waoughh
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hopelessdazai · 8 months ago
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✿ 》 To Hold or Be Held?
╰⧼ 🪻 note.. ⧽ ; writing witj this many characters was scary . pls ignore any typos or errors or mischaracterisation im learning. reblogs appreciated!!
╰⧼ ☀️ features.. ⧽ ; Chuuya, Dazai, Atsushi, Akutagawa, Nikolai, Fyodor, gn!reader ( fem terms in fyodors and mentions of boobs in nikolais parts )
╰⧼ 🌙 contents.. ⧽ ; fluff, cuddles, all those nice things, nikolai being nikolai, possible mischaracterisation
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dazai
dazai doesn't have a preference. he enjoys both being held and holding you for the same reason. when he's holding you, he's holding on tight - part of him is still scared you're gonna leave him if he gets too comfortable. and if you're holding him he always finds himself melting into you, his hands shakily gripping at your clothes as he smothers himself against your chest. he adores how your hands find his hair and comb through it. if he puts all his weight onto you, you can't go anywhere, right?
".. 'm sorry .. don't get up, just five more minutes. I'll be good ..- you're warm .. 'm sorry.. "
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chuuya
chuuya prefers to hold. be adores the feeling of you in his arms, it makes him feel like he's protecting you from the known - blanketed by his strong embrace. he traces 'I love you's on your back knowing you're too comfortable and sleepy to know what he's writing - his thumb writes his name into your hip when you think he's just rubbing circles. little possessive things like that, just to quietly manifest that you stay with him. he can press a gentle kiss to the top of your head and tease you for being so clingy ; even though he's holding you tight too.
".. you need the bathroom? .. you can hold it, jus' stay with me for a while longer .. I love you .. pretty thing you are .."
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atsushi
atsushi prefers to hold. while he won't ever deny being held, usually he finds himself pulling you on top of him to keep you in his embrace while he takes a nap. your head on his chest and his arms resting around your waist, while he gently purrs to soothe you to sleep with him. he hasn't been able to take solo naps since you've been around - and he knows you enjoy resting with him too, anyway. so what's the harm when he tugs you over to the detective agency couch and asks you to take a quick break? you've both been working hard , after all.
"let's have a quick break, okay? we can stay finish everything later .. you're gonna exhaust yourself out, sweetheart .. just 10 minutes .."
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akutagawa
akutagawa prefers to be held. he'll never admit it to anyone, especially not to you. but you can see the way he relaxes and sinks into you when you wrap your arms around him. the way he takes a long exhale and his shoulders deflate as your hand traces a certain spot on his back. he likes listening to your heartbeat, he likes knowing you're alive and with him for who he is - and not what he can do. he's still learning to love and to trust, but it's a little easier when it's by your side. he hopes you wont leave him, he'll work to impress you as he grows.
".. what? no, I'm not falling asleep. you're imagining things. you .. mm .. can you do that again ?"
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nikolai
nikolai doesn't have a preference. he's like a big dog, despite his size he'll absolutely lay himself on top of you and nuzzle into your chest. if you have boobs then he won't be moving for a while, so kiss your oxygen goodbye. whenever he wants to hold you, he's not really one to ask ; he'll just drag you over onto him or use a portal to drop you into his lap, then he's clinging to you and whining desperately whenever you try to leave. he's just big and clingy, but can you fault him? he finds you so comforting.
" .. where are you going? no! you can't leave .. do you not love me anymore ?.. why do you wanna leave !.. just stay with me .. thank you .."
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fyodor
fyodor prefers to hold. if neither was an option, it'd most likely be that. but he regularly asks you to come sit on his lap while he works. a small whistle as he turns his chair, patting his thigh - and he'll wrap an arm around you to keep you close. he's not too affectionate, and too much touching before your marriage repulses him. but he'll learn to deal with these little moments for a while - it gives him his energy back and helps him with a little push to finish his work so you rest together.
" .. зайчик .. come here. no, I'm not finished. just come. don't be disobedient , now .. there we are. good girl."
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starsinthesky5 · 2 months ago
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dating joe burrow (headcannons) || joe burrow x reader
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description: little things about you and joe’s relationship 💗💗
a/n: this was a request I got! (request can be found here) i haven’t tried this before so im feeling it out :) the fact that it took me the whole week to write this is wild 😭 let me know if you guys like this or have any thoughts, ideas, whatever 💗
side note- almost had a heart attack because i thought none of this saved. this is what i get for writing directly in my tumblr drafts and not google docs first like usual
word count: 4.1 k
warnings: allusions to smut
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he’s a total gentleman. he's always opening your doors for you, carrying your bags, and you never have to ask him to. he just does it on his own, it was a sweet unspoken rule. he says that he knows you’re incredibly capable of doing things on your own and he loves that about you, but he says you always deserve ‘the princess treatment’ and no princess should ever break a sweat or struggle with anything 
he’s always holding your hand when you two are walking together. he hated when you couldn't hold hands because it made him feel far away from you (even if you were right next to him). holding your soft hand, running his thumb along your soft skin, and having your fingers intertwined was the best feeling in the world for joe 
when you're out on the streets, he's always watching out for anything you might step on or walk into such as puddles, uneven surfaces, or grates where your heel may get caught in. you joked that he was like your personal bodyguard, and he took on that role and title proudly. he said that guarding you was a more important job than being a quarterback for a billion-dollar franchise--that's how much he cared for you 
he wasn’t a big touchy-feely guy, but with you? with you it was a completely different story. his hands were always on you, his lips were always pressing sweet kisses around some part of your body, and he was so addicted to you. when he was with you, touching you was all he could think about and when he wasn't with you, he was always fantasizing about the next time he was 
he loves kissing your neck. sometimes a little roughly to leave a few pretty marks so 'everyone knew who you belonged to' but sometimes very sweetly & gently. so many sweet kisses. his soft lips left no part of your body untouched. he was so soft around you compared to the way he was around friends, his teammates, and family. the second it was just the two of you, he became a little baby--your little baby--and was the most precious thing on the planet
you two could be watching a movie on the couch and somehow his head would end up in the crook of your neck, all his focus on kissing your soft skin instead of what was happening on the TV screen 
this would happen when you were trying to finish up some stuff for work too. you would be typing away on your computer and he'd be sitting next to you, so bored and in need of attention from you. he'd start pressing light kisses around your collarbone, and then move up your neck, his kisses getting rougher and more alluring. next thing you knew, your computer was on the floor along with a pile of both your clothes 
he loves it when you thread your fingers through his soft hair while he lays his head on your chest, which he also loves. he loved laying his head on your chest because something about hearing your heartbeat made him feel safe, feel at peace. his arms always wrapped around your middle and his cheek was always squished against your breasts. he just adored it--maybe even for a few other reasons too ;). seeing him like that after a hard day at practice or after a rigorous workout brought you so much satisfaction. you made him feel like that. he didn't need anything else to make him feel like that, just you. it was that simple 
he’s always giving you his full attention when you’re talking. it’s like you’re the only person in the room for him. you two could be on the sidelines of paycor right before kickoff, surrounded by thousands of fans and football players, but you’re the only person he’d be able to see and hear. the rest of the world disappears around him whenever he hears your pretty voice 
your family love love loves joe. 
initially, when you told them you were seeing someone and that someone was joe burrow, they didn’t believe you. they couldn’t believe that you bagged a football player, specifically the star quarterback, and you were slightly offended for a second but their initial reaction made the look on their faces even more enjoyable when you brought joe to your hometown for the first time with no warning 
joe was so nervous to meet your family, it was honestly so cute. he was so quiet and trying to keep calm the entire way to your parents' house. joe was the most confidant person and the most shy person you knew. the cool guy persona he sported every game day was there, but so was the adorable little shy baby that got in his head about things sometimes. he just wanted to be perfect for your family, wanted to show that he was the right man for their perfect & special daughter
your family loved him as soon as they saw him carefully help you out of his car, holding your hand tightly, and leading you to the front door all while making sure that your dress wasn't showing too much because of how intense the wind was that day. he was an absolute gentleman for you, and they loved that
he hit it off with your family within 10 minutes of being at your house, it was insane. he had so much in common with your siblings and even had great conversations with your parents. there was no silence in the house that day because everything was just constantly flowing naturally
he was most anxious around your dad but all of his nerves disappeared once he called joe out to the porch for a drink after dinner. joe thought he was about to get the 'you're a professional athlete, I know how they roll and I'll make your life hell if you break my daughter's heart' talk, but it was the complete opposite. your dad told him how thankful he was to joe for being in your life, for putting that everlasting smile on your face, for making you feel loved in a way you never had been loved before. that's what joe needed to hear, that he was doing good with you. doing good for you 
he’s so respectful to your parents and even addressed them as ‘sir and ma’am’ for a good second. you tried to tell him it was alright to refer to them by their first names, but he felt awkward about it because of how much respect he had for them even though this was his first time meeting them
eventually, he started calling them by their first names. you could see that he was getting more and more comfortable around them and didn’t feel the need to hold up a super suave act. he could be himself around you and your family, they felt like home to him. you felt like home to him
joe's parents loved you as soon as they met you as well 
they were so thrilled that joe had a woman like you in his life. someone who showed him so much love, care, and support 
you weren't super nervous to meet them, mostly because he gave you no time to be. he knew that if he told you in advance that you were going to Athens, you'd freak the hell out. so that's why he told you about 30 minutes before you reached his parent's house. you figured that he was just taking you someplace like a park to go on a walk or something simple like that, not to meet his freaking parents 
joe loved that he could bring you home to his family. he loved that he could show you around Athens and experience all the things he did growing up but in a new light because you were with him
he brought you to his favorite spots to eat, his favorite places to go on walks, his favorite shops, and places he spent a lot of time while growing up. he even snuck you into the football stadium--his football stadium--at the high school one night. joe remembered feeling his heart explode at the sight of your beaming smile once you stepped onto the field and saw his name plastered around the stadium. you just felt so proud of him and your entire body showed that. that's the moment he knew he loved you
he said those three special words, those eight letters, to you first. it came out so nonchalantly one night like it was something that was meant to roll off his tongue that easily. hearing those three words come from his mouth for the first time felt so right, like the stars and planets aligned specifically for you both in this moment. 
the funny thing was, he said it as you guys were stargazing. you were lying on a big blanket in his backyard and watching the planets & stars together
you were looking up at the sky and there was a big smile on your face as you counted how many stars you could see. joe also had a big smile on his face, but not because of the stars. it was because of you. he was looking over at you, thinking about how he was genuinely the happiest he had ever been in his life at this moment, how things finally felt right in his life. it was all because of you
"the stars make me think about how infinite the universe is, but even with all that endless space, the thing I want most in the world is right here next to me. being with you makes everything else feel small, like all I need is right here," he said to you
and then he ended his sweet small speech with an adorable, sorta quiet because he felt nervous, 'i love you'
you felt your heart explode when you heard him say those three words. the same three words you wanted to say to him since the day you met. you had never loved someone like you loved joe, this was so special and you both knew it 
his house was so clean and organized, the exact opposite of what you thought it'd be like when you first came over. you thought it would be full-on bachelor pad, messy, boy vibes. but it really wasn't. it was clean, organized, well-decorated, and it stayed like that. it really felt like a man lived there, not a boy. and joe was a man all right, that was very clear 
joe loved to send you cheesy football puns. his personal favs were "you're the touchdown to my game-winning drive", "you've intercepted my heart and I'm not even mad about it", and "you're the MVP of my heart"
lots of late-night snack runs after prime-time games. it was honestly insane to you at first because you thought he'd want to get home ASAP, but he wanted his sweet treat--and he wasn't just talking about you ;)
he even brings you to practice sometimes. you loved to watch him from the sides, doing his thing and watching him in his element. he sometimes even through the ball back and forth with you before or after practice--always showing off a little to make you laugh
your form had definitely gotten better ever since you started throwing with him. you are learning from the best of the best
joe's closet is your closet. he loves it when you take his shirts and hoodies. you love how big his stuff is on you and also how everything smells just like him. it's even better when he's away and you're missing him. his scent is always on you no matter what
joe's always there for you whenever you come home from a hard day at work or are just having a shitty day in general. he's always there, holding you against his chest, letting you soak his shirt with your tears while he presses soft kisses on your forehead and listens to you vent about everything
he knows how hard you work, so it breaks his heart to see you crack under pressure or feel like you weren't doing enough. he gave the best advice and was the best listener, having him in your corner was the best thing that could've happened to you
it was also the best thing that could've happened to him. you were his escape from the pressure that the football life brought. his peace after all the chaos that transpired on the field. his calm within the storm
joe likes to get up early, like early early. he says that he likes to get the most out of the day, which is fair. but it's honestly so bad because you hate getting up early, but his adorable morning smile makes up for it. it's the first thing you're graced with when you get up
when he wakes up, you wake up (even if you feel like dying because it's so early). he always ends up laying his head on your chest as he presses kisses along your skin, your fingers lightly scratching his scalp at the same time. it's the best way to wake up in all honesty. in each other's embrace, all warm, cozy, and secure
he's so cute in the morning. his hair is all messy and he has this raspy voice that makes you want to pounce on him, even if it is still a little dark outside as the sun isn't even fully up. 
during the off-season, he made it a rule that he'd cook you breakfast at least twice a week. joe wasn't the best cook (he was learning) so his attempts at cooking breakfast were always so sweet to watch 
also because watching him cook breakfast half-naked was like personal porn for you. his tan, bare, muscular back was the star of the show
he'd attempt to make you french toast, pancakes, waffles, literally anything your heart desired. he got better each time he made you food, but also because he'd help you out whenever you made dinner so he picked up on a few skills 
it was pretty funny whenever he'd have breakfast fails. like the first time he tried to make french toast, he burnt them and one piece even caught on fire. it was so funny to watch him run around frantically trying to make sure he didn't burn the house down
he loved to help you out when you made dinner. he made himself your little sous chef, helping you out in any way he could. he'd turn on some music so you two danced around in the kitchen as you cooked together, it was something so simple but it brought you two so much joy
your favorite songs to dance around to together were disco by surf curse, my girl by the temptations, angeleyes by abba, heavenly by cigarettes after sex, apocalypse by cigarettes after sex, hunger by ross copperman, pretty boy by the neighbourhood, and lover by taylor swift
sometimes you were so caught up in dancing together that you completely forgot about the food on the stove. the dancing sometimes led to some other things, so naturally, you got distracted. you would end up ordering some chinese takeout and calling it a night whenever that happened 
joe loves kissing you. like a lot 
sure, he loves kissing spots around your body, but nothing could compare to the feeling he'd get when your lips were pressed against his
that man loves his sloppy, sexy, slow makeout sessions more than anything. noses brushing against each other, his hands wandering around your perfect body, tasting each other...it was so good. especially because 90% of the time they led to some other things ;)
joe was so careful with you in that sense. he always made sure you were alright before you two did anything. he never pressured you for anything, everything would be done on your terms 
he's too good in bed. like it's insane. he quite honestly takes your breath away. he can do it all. slow lovemaking & hair-pull worthy, sheet-gripping sex. the way he worshipped your body was truly something out of a fairytale. you'd lose track of time whenever you two got in bed like that, and it was honestly worth it. he was just so damn good. you wanted to stay like that with him as long as you could
he's a lowkey blanket hogger too. he wraps himself in a little burrito blanket, looking all cozy and soft while you stare at him with a straight-lipped face. buttt he caves and lets you into his little blanket burrito. it's so comfy, especially in the winter. the combined heat coming from his body and the blanket made you feel like you were in a soft cocoon 
joe loves it when you call him joey, J, burrito (a funny play on 'burrow'), or JB. you didn't really use his other nicknames such as shiesty, joe cool, or joe brr because it felt wrong. those were all football joe names. your nicknames for joe were just joe names 
he loved that he was just joe to you. he made sure when you first started dating, you got to know just joe. not Cincinnati Bengals star quarterback joe burrow. just joe
you always found joe doing the most normal things super hot and sexy. he could just be sitting on the couch and doing something on his iPad and you'd find yourself drooling (it was definitely because of that man spread that sent you into orbit)
bringing in bags of groceries out of your car, washing the dishes, putting away your laundry for you, cleaning up the kitchen. it was all so fucking hot. he was just so hot 
sometimes while he was doing these things, you'd have an epiphany. you'd realize that he was all yours. nobody else's, just yours. he'd laugh whenever he caught you like this. it was so enchanting to him how you'd randomly become hyperaware that you were his girlfriend and he was your boyfriend 
you and joe love flowers so much. you always surprise him with random flower deliveries (especially after a loss) because you know his face will automatically light up once he sees the beautiful plants. he also scheduled weekly flower deliveries for you. a vase of flowers would be at your door every monday morning, the perfect way to start off the week
he loves to pamper you as well 
he's always buying you things without reason. clothes, jewelry, books, random little knick-knacks. he just loved to show how much he loved you in every shape and form possible
all of your daily jewelry was given to you by him. your two necklaces (one being a necklace with his initial), your 3 bracelets, your 4 rings (two on each hand, one being a promise ring), and your anklet which had 9 citrine orange gemstones in it along with multiple diamonds
proper date nights are a must in your relationship. even during the season, he made sure you had one night in the week where you two went out for dinner together. but you'd also have the best date nights at home
sometimes you just ended up building legos on the floor & watching a silly movie as a date night, but you two loved doing simple things like this. sometimes you'd just eat dinner outside in the backyard together as a date night. sometimes you'd just go on a night stroll together. simple things like that were special because it kept you two grounded. you didn't need to go out and drop $200 on some fancy dinner when you could have the same level of enjoyment by sitting on the floor, building a lego set from 'the office', and stuffing your faces with takeout. as long as you were together, you didn't really care what you did 
he never fails to tell you how amazing you are. those sweet nothings he'd whisper in your ear every night before bed were the things you craved the most in your previous relationships. just being told how much you brighten his world, how pretty you are, how easy it is to love you, and other things like that made your day. he never skipped out on telling you those things
you love hearing his laugh. whenever he laughs around you, he laughs with his whole body. it's such a sweet sound, a sound you wish you could hear forever
you were so obsessed with joe’s body. his thick thighs, large muscles, veiny hands, and gorgeous face. he was a literal greek god, it was so hard to believe this man was real. he was equally as obsessed with your body too, and he made sure to show you that almost every night ;) 
your friends love joe so much. they always call him your prince charming, the man who made all your dreams come true and the man who treats you like you're a real-life princess. they always tease you because of how down bad you act for him too. whenever you're with them and joe isn't there, they have to keep a tally of how many times you bring him up or say 'i miss joe'. they find it precious that you act that way for him 
when he first met your best friends over dinner, he was lowkey intimated by them. they're so protective over you, so they had this tough front on. the entire dinner was like a test for him, and he passed it with flying colors
they watched as he paid such close attention to everything you said, how he was holding your hand under the table, how he subtly checked in on you to see if you were comfortable, offering his jacket in case you were cold, stayed off his phone the entire time, his nonchalant & genuine compliments towards you, making sure you were included in all the conversations, actively engaging with your friends and making a genuine effort to get to know them, his gentle touches like placing his arm around you or lightly rubbing your arm, how he spoke so highly of you, how he took care of the small things such as filling your water glass without you even having to ask, the little inside jokes you two had, and noticing and responding to your little signals when you got anxious that only your friends knew about until now
after the dinner, your girls pulled you over and they had the biggest smiles on their faces. they told you to send them a save-the-date invite ASAP because they knew you were going to marry that man. they saw the way he acted around you and that alone was enough to seal the deal 
his friends loved you too. they instantly noticed how perfectly you matched joe's vibe, how happy you made him, and how you were practically made for one another. they called you two peanut butter & jelly; you went together so well
game days were always so fun for you two
you grew up in a football family so you were already a big football girl before you even met joe. being a football players girlfriend was written in the stars for you 
joe didn't believe you initially when you mentioned to him how much you loved football. he thought you were just saying that to impress him. he found out the hard way that you were being serious 
you two were watching a MNF game (prior to actually becoming boyfriend/girlfriend) and your (then) favorite team was playing against one of their longtime rivals. joe's jaw was on the floor the entire game because of how you were screaming at the tv, jumping onto your feet at every bullshit flag & call, and so locked in on everything that was going on 
your keenness towards football made your relationship even more exciting. you'd get to watch your boyfriend do what he loved, which happened to be one of your favorite things in the world
seeing you in his suite every week gave him an extra boost. he knew you were watching him and he wanted to make you proud & happy at all times 
he also loved to see your game-day outfits. seeing his name, his number, his colors all around your body did some unspeakable things to him. sometimes he wondered how fast it would take for anyone to notice he was missing. the storage closet seemed like the prime quickie spot on game days ;) 
you had a routine before kickoff too. you'd go down to the sidelines before the start of the game to give joe a little pep-talk and it always ended with a passionate kiss and little handshake you two made up on your first date (a sort of good luck manifestation tactic). at the end of the game, win or loss, you'd be waiting in the tunnel to give him his post-game kiss and a singular rose (as you know, he loves getting flowers)
the orange rose you gave him after the 2021 AFC championship game (the super-bowl sending game) sits in his office. he got it pressed and plated by a professional, a way to preserve the special memory that the flower held 
the love you two shared was truly something that only came around once every few lifetimes. it was so special, so rare, so exciting 
“every time I look at you, I feel like I’m falling in love all over again. the way you laugh, the way you move, even the way you think—it’s all so beautiful to me. i could spend the rest of my life just watching you be yourself and never get tired of it. i can’t stop thinking about you. you’re always on my mind, like a song stuck on repeat. every time I’m with you, it feels like the world fades away, and all I can see, hear, and feel is you. i’m completely mesmerized with everything about you," he said to you
--The End--
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beomboomboom · 7 months ago
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Morning run
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genre: fluff, established relationship
pairing: Mingyu x reader
summary: You wanted to join Mingyu on his daily morning runs so you could watch him workout, not to be carried on his back, though you're not complaining about that either.
warnings: none!
note: I suddenly felt the idea for this fic come to mind when I was studying for my final exams (😭 im dying) and I kinda wrote this in a rush, so I apologize if there's any mistakes. I hope you enjoy reading the fic <33
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"C'mon let's go," Mingyu says with a smile while holding the front door open, patiently waiting for you to finish tying your shoes.
This was a mistake.
You had agreed to join Mingyu on his daily morning runs because you thought it would be an great opportunity to inconspicuously watch your hot boyfriend work out.
If only you had realized sooner that agreeing to run with Mingyu entailed the requirement that you run too.
"I'm coming, I'm coming," you reply while fumbling with your laces, trying to make it look as if you're struggling to tie your shoes. Stalling for a few extra seconds as if it'll help you avoid going with Mingyu on his morning run altogether.
"I know you're stalling," you hear Mingyu interrupt, his voice unimpressed. Huffing out a breath and shaking his head, he leaves his position near the doorway to walk over to you. "You have no excuse now," he teases with a laugh while crouching down and gently tying your shoelaces for you.
"The run isn't even that bad," Mingyu begins to explain while leading you out of the house. "We'll just run for about 30 minutes, I'll go slow."
Letting out a breath of defeat, you succumb to your fate.
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Truthfully, it wasn't all that bad at first. It was rather relaxing to be honest. It felt nice to feel the wind against your face with each step you took. And, of course, watching Mingyu's muscular back and shoulders move as he ran was an added plus.
It wasn't until you felt a pain shoot up your ankle when the morning run went from relaxing to downright unbearable. "Baby, I-I-can't anymore," you mutter in between gasps for air.
Slowing down, Mingyu turns around, concern etched all over his face when he sees you clutch your ankle in pain. "What happened? How bad does it hurt?"
"I think I sprained my ankle," you reply while wincing in pain as you try to stand on both feet, only to let out a hiss as you feel the pain in your ankle increase tenfold.
"C'mon," Mingyu says, crouching down with his back facing you and his arms out.
"What?"
"Get on my back, let's go home," Mingyu explains.
"But, your morning run-," you begin to say, only to be interrupted by Mingyu's soft but stern voice.
"Your wellbeing is more important than my morning run. Now, get on my back."
Reluctantly, you climb onto Mingyu's back and wrap your arms around his broad shoulders. "Sorry I had to ruin your morning run like this, I just wanted to be with you and watch you workout," you mutter glumly as Mingyu begins to carry you back home.
"If you wanted to watch me workout you could've just asked, I would've let you in a heartbeat," Mingyu says with a teasing laugh as you can only hide your face in Mingyu's neck in embarrassment. "Now let's get home and get you all fixed up."
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yooie · 5 months ago
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𝘽𝙖𝙗𝙮 𝘿𝙤𝙡𝙡.
PAIRING: jake x fem reader
GENRES: SMUT, fluff
CW: jake is a little (lot) pervy, smut and more smut
summary: bf jake is obsessed his little doll gf.
- literally. just a a random ramble. i did not proof read and im dyslexic so pls dont make fun of me thank u ☝🏻
you already knew how much jake loved when you dressed up for him. from your pretty skirts to the little details of jewelry, lipgloss or some cute frilly socks. which is why it made you even more excited to do so. you got up early for class and got ready for hours, you wore his favorite absolute favorite skirt, obviously one that was a little too short. after finishing the last touches on your makeup you were ready to leave.
second period was the only class you two had together, physics, and when 1pm came around you walked in, without looking for him in his seat walking past him and to your own seat. you didn't need to look, you could feel his eyes on you. practically burning holes into your skin. and not soon after you had sat down you heard your phone ding
jake: not even a hi? :(
jake: you look so pretty baby..
jake: how am i supposed to pay attention now...
jake: did you wear that pretty skirt for me?
you watched as your phone repeatedly went off, causing you to turn off your ringer, smiling at your phone as you read the texts that repeatedly came in.
you: you better !! how else am i supposed to study your notes... you are all thats getting me through this stupid class :(
fuck. the more he stared at you the more he felt the fabric of his pants straining. he tried to take a deep breath before pulling his hoodie over his lap. you were just so cute but all his brain could think about was how cute youd look with his dick inside of you.
-
class went by slow as. hell. for the both of you. more for him, you just liked his attention, you knew he wouldn't be completely focused so you did try to pay attention some, taking some notes of your own.
as soon as the professor concluded the lesson jake shot up from his seat like a magnet, he needed to be near you. soon you felt him behind you, grabbing your backpack and putting it on his other shoulder. "hi babydoll," i smiled softly giving your head a small kiss which immediately resulted in your cheeks turning bright pink. his hand had found its way to your lower back, guiding both of you out of the classroom.
"i missed you~" you smiled glancing up at him, his hand carefully moving some of your hair aside. "yeah? wanna come back to my dorm, we can... study" he smiled with a small chuckle. "i still have 1 more class jake.." you pouted - "skip it." "jake-" "please... " he pouted like a little puppy, he was so clingy all the sudden, and you loved it. "fine," he smiled as you both walked through the campus toward your dorms.
"did you like my outfit?" you hummed, "what kind of silly question is that.." - "of course i love it,.. my perfect little doll~" he cooed, gently playing with the lace hem of the skirt between his fingertips. "so pretty for me.." he muttered softly, that alone was enough to make your brain start going fuzzy. thankfully not long afterwards you had both reached jakes dorm, letting you in and leading you to his room, setting both of your things down and plopping his self onto the bed. thank. fucking. god. you two were finally alone. he didn't know how much longer he would be able to keep his hands to himself. "cmere baby,"
jake signaled you over to him, patting his lap for you. you walked over and compliantly sat down in his lap, his hands wasting no time starting to roam your body. "fuck, you make me crazy, you know that?" he finally had no filter. you could feel your heartbeat racing with every touch. he quickly lifted one of his hands bringing it to your chin and guiding your face to meet his. "that was a question doll," - your mind sputtered for a moment before replying ever so quietly, just enough so he could hear, "i know.." ,he hummed contently as you answered him.
jakes hands snaked down, caressing the curves of your waist before running down your thighs, stopping before sliding them up your skirt and gripping your ass. "m,.. just these little panties?... my naughty doll..". your breathing hitched as you felt the wet spot in your underwear grow, trying to shift your hips around to hide it, which only resulted in him pulling your skirt up further. "ive been dying to fuck you all day.." you felt his large bulge pushing against your clothed cunt, earning a small whine from you. Jake smirked as he heard the beautiful sound leave your lips. he wasnt typically this forward with you, but you could see in his expression he was different than normal, his eyes darker, more needy, like he couldn't think straight.
"did you want my attention baby?" "m?, is that why you dressed up in my favorite skirt~?" you slyly nodded your head, "words baby,-" he carefully turned your chin leaving one of his hands fondling your ass. "yes jakey... wanted your attention.." you mumbled, he kissed your lips softly in reward. but before you knew it he was giving you the exact attention you were now craving, his lips pressed against yours moving rhythmicly together, the kiss was needy, sloppy, and above all hot. he carefully guided his tongue into your mouth, feeling your hips shift around needlessly, causing him to chuckle a little into your mouth, making you whine. "as pretty as this little top is, i dont think we need it," he whispered before asking and then carefully removing it from your body along with his aswell.
he quickly went to work, trailing wet kisses all over your neck down to your chest, he physically couldn't get enough of you, he would devour you whole if he could. he trailed kisses all the way down to your tits, carefully sucking on the skin, slipping his tongue down to play with your nipples. earning small whines and moans to leave your mouth as your head hung in his shoulder. "jake.." you whinned, you could feel your wetness soaking through your panties onto his pants at this point. he pulled away just to look at the mess you made, "oh baby, look at the mess you made.." he pointed to the wet patch on his pants, your cheeks were beet red at this point. "want some help?" you nodded quickly in response.
he wasnt going to tease you anymore, at this point his dick was painfully hard and he needed to fuck you before he would actually explode. jake quickly lifted up your hips pulling your panties off before setting you down on the bed and taking off his pants and boxers letting his cock finally spring free of its restraints. "what about-?" you asked as you still had on the mini skirt, "keep it on." he smirked
— too be continued?
honestly my first time writing and i kinda think its shit so idk if i should keep going or not, but honestly if at least like 10 ppl actually want me to write the rest, i will!! let me knoww...
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rafeandonlyrafe · 5 months ago
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hormonal hunch
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words: 800
warnings: pregnancy, fluff, established relationship
rafe isn't sure what to do at first. he thought you were sleeping, so he was extra quiet when walking around the room, undressing from the day and changing into pajamas, which were actually just basketball shorts and an old tee.
he was about to climb into bed when he noticed that although your face was pressed into the pillow, your shoulders were shaking slightly, soft noises coming from you.
“baby?” rafe asks softly.
you don't respond, but he hears your sniffles, clearly trying to quiet yourself and calm down.
“oh, baby.” rafe says softly, climbing quickly into bed and wrapping his arms around you, holding you tight. “what's wrong?”
“i-i don't know.” you sob louder, not trying to keep it private anymore.
“you don't know? what happened? did someone do something?” rafe can feel his heartbeat getting quicker, waiting to find out what he needs to do to make you happy again, to get that smile that he loves so much back on your face.
“i just-” you turn over and rafes heart breaks, your eyes red and tears falling down your cheeks. “i just started crying and i feel so bad and i don't know.”
“that's okay.” rafe says, pulling you into his chest. “sometimes you just need to cry.”
“you never just need to cry!” you argue back. 
“yes i do, baby.” rafe presses a kiss to the top of your head. “i just don't let you see it because i need to be strong for you.”
“oh, that just makes me wanna cry more!” you whine, tears falling harder.
“okay, okay, shh.” rafe begins to rock back and forth, letting you cry and leave tear marks and snot on his shirt until you eventually slow down and stop, breathing returning to normal.
“baby?” rafe whispers, thinking you might be asleep, but you pick your head up, a sheepish look on your face.
“i-im sorry.” you quickly wipe your face. “i just um… i just um couldn't stop crying.”
“it happens, okay?” rafe tugs you back in close, needing to feel you against him, still needing to cradle you in his arms. “as long as nothing happened…”
“no, no.” you shake your head. “just been feeling weird lately. probably hormones or something.”
“yeah… hormones.”
rafe minds reels and as the days go by, he keeps a close eye on you, even more than normal. 
he monitors everything from your mood swings, which have suddenly increased, to everything you eat, including weird concoctions he's never seen you put together before.
“can i… can i talk to you honey?” rafe asks one night.
“mhm.” you nod, sitting down on the bed, figuring you can finish your skincare and the last step in your nighttime routine after whatever rafe has to say.
“i… i really think you might be pregnant.”
your eyes widen, not expecting those words to come out of his mouth as he quickly continues. “with the mood swings, the occasional sickness, i just… i really think it could explain some things.”
“i… i haven't gotten my period.” you suddenly realize, placing a hand on your stomach.
“i know.” rafe grins softly. he's always been able to easily keep track just based on how you behave. 
“so-” he pulls something out of the bedside table drawer and hands it to you. “i thought you should take a pregnancy test. ill be right here with you and then… we can decide.”
“decide what?” you look up in confusion, before quickly realizing. “oh.”
“i-” rafe feels foolish for a moment, nervous and unlike his normal self, but he looks at you, glowing you, and he knows what to do. “i want to keep it. i love our life together. i love you. i want a baby with you.”
“you do?” you question, tears instantly welling up in your eyes. 
“of course. you'd be the best mom. there's no one else id want to do this with other than you. i know we are young and aren't married yet but… i really want this.”
“i do to.” you launch yourself across the bed, hugging rafe tightly.
“i love you.” you whisper to him, burying your head in his neck as a couple tears of pure happiness slip out.
“please.” rafe pulls you away. “please go and take the test, i need to know.”
“oh my god, yeah.” you take the test into the bathroom, peeing on the stick before placing it on the counter to wait.
“five minutes.” rafe is just as nervous waiting as you are, he just displays it differently. you sit down on the bed, staring at nothing, while he paces the room, needing to move, glancing constantly at the bathroom and the clock.
“should be time.” rafe says, frowning when you jolt at his words, so lost in your own head.
“yeah, yeah.” you nod, letting rafe grip your hand tightly, knowing he needs the physical connection as you stand and walk into the bathroom.
“you look.” you urge rafe.
rafe nods, then gulps, then turns the stick over to reveal two blue lines. you can tell everything by his reaction, the way his eyes light up as he turns to you.
“oh my god, we're pregnant!” you whisper-scream, wrapping your arms around rafes shoulders as he lifts you, instantly carrying you back to bed.
sfw taglist: @winterrrnight @bejeweledreverie @ladyinbl00d @ethanthequeefqueen
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livin4woso · 2 months ago
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Lingering touches part 1-(alessia russo x reader)
Summary-your best friend alessia has always been touchy with you, but now they seem to be getting more frequent and are pushing along the boundary of whether or not you are just friends.
Growing up gay was a challenge for you as many people dont understand that there is a list of unspoken rules every gay must follow. One of the main rules is the line between are we just friends or are we more than that?. Its a line that ironically can be bent and you spend your time thinking where is it appropriate of where you can put your hands without giving the wrong idea.
This was something that you and alessia weren't very good at. The line is constantly being stepped on being pushed to its limits, but alessia is straight... right? It doesn't matter because she won't ever feel the way you do about her. The way that when her hand grazes your arm, it feels like it's on fire or when she compliments you, you can feel your cheeks heating up, leaving you flustered.
It was an obvious observation that to anyone around you that you were head of heels for the blonde, yet it was if she couldn't tell.
You and alessia had grown up together through the england youth academy teams. Your friendship blossomed over the years with one another. It was when you had reached the U19s when alessia had come back from america to play some international friendlies where you began to question if you just had plationic feelings for the blonde.
Alessia was a naturally cuddly person, or well, she has always been like that towards you her body was clung to yours in one way or another. Many joked that you were alessias personal pillow as even if there was a free seat, she would much rather be cuddled into your side or sat against your lap.
When alessia arrived back to the uk, you had already become a regular starter for the arsenal as a midfielder, and you had really been focusing on your football, so your feelings for alessia had naturally slipped your mind.
She had gone to play for Manchester United, where her other best friend ella was playing. However when yous had game against eachother you would be invited to stay round theres or they could stay at yours for the night to catch up with eachother and get the train back to london or Manchester in the morning.
This was a reoccurring routine, but one time ella couldn't stay in london, she had a media job the next day, so just alessia had decided to stay at your place. "Do you wanna pick the movie, and I'll call us a takeaway" you begin saying while opening your apartment door "also you can grab some clothes from my room rather than sitting in that disgusting gear" you say joking with her. "Yeah yeah whatever you love me, really.. no matter what shade of red im wearing, " she responded and playfully placed a kiss to your cheek, leaving you a melting pile in your kitchen.
The two of you had fell into a regular routine but without ella there alessia was abit more handsy than usual as the movie started she had curled into your side with her head on your chest and your legs entwined with eachother. Each time alessias hand would brush at the skin of where your hoodie had rode up was sending shivers down your spine, and you could hear your heartbeat racing at a million miles an hour.
By the time the movie had finished, alessia was quite content sleeping on top of you, yet you knew a night on the couch wouldn't do either of you any good. So you managed to untangle yourself and carry her to your bedroom, which normally this would be quite a simple task. However, sleeping alessia was like a dead weight. That night, you had realised how no matter how hard you try to push your feelings away for the blonde, they wouldn't go away, not when she was so perfect in your eyes.
But the imposed distance between you made your feelings much more bareable to deal with. Yet when the summer transfer window had opened, seeing the blonde wearing an arsenal kit was not what you had expected. Now you couldn't escape your feelings from the blonde, not when you had to see her every day.
The first day at preseason training was going to be hard for you as you cant ingore alessia but you also cant make it obvious to everyone under the sun that you would walk to the ends of the earth for the blonde if she asked you too.
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mysicklove · 1 year ago
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𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐄
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DAY 10: SOMINOPHILIA
With: Levi Ackerman
Word Count: 3.2k
Warnings: gn! reader, sub! levi, nightmares + insomnia mentioned, oral (m! receiving), handjob in dreams, implied age gap, set in around season 2 timeline? im kinda forgetting which season erwin was in... kissing..lots of kissing, reader being puppy coded and levi is sick in love
A/N: sorry this is late!!!! i hope this also isnt too confusing considering it switches back and forth between his dream and irl. idk. also title is named after a song by The Mamas and The Papas that i LOVEEEE
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Levi Ackerman finds himself plagued with nightmares. It was always like that though, since he could remember at least. Three to four nights a week he awakes in the middle of night dripping with sweat with his heart nearly beating out of his chest. He has grown used to the lack of sleep by now, it barely bugs him anymore.
That is, until he found someone to share his bed with. 
You were his light, as dramatic and sappy as it sounds, and something he will never admit out loud. But it was true, finally in this dim world he finds himself in, you came crashing in, brighter than the sun. He had fallen for you in record time, and you, drawn to his stoic and feisty aura, came tumbling down after him.
It's been a year now since you've gotten together, and Levi swears the nightmares are getting less frequent. 
Well, at least in the nights where you lay beside him. The nights where you hold him, and he has easier access to your heartbeat. The steady rhythm of your chest rising and falling. Alive.
He doesn't go into too much depth about the nightmares, but you know the general scene of them, usually relating back to his comrades deaths. He has mentioned that the recent ones involve you, and it makes your heart crumble for your beloved each time his voice cracks through the explanation. You don’t press too much on the matter – the nights he wakes up in a cold sweat, you are there to ease him back to sleep, reassuring that you and he are safe. He almost gets a full night of sleep with you around.
But alas, you aren’t all sunshine and rainbows, and neither is he. Nope, you happen to be one of the most erotic people have ever met (though, he hasn’t met many). A sick brat is what he calls you, or sometimes a disgusting pervert, if he’s feeling extra grumpy. The nicknames fly past your head, as you pepper his face with kisses. It was all in good spirit, is what you remind yourself at least. 
“Soooo, Hange recommended–”
“No.”
You pout at the man, pulling away from his chest to glare at him. “You didnt even let me finish my sentence.”
His cold face doesnt let up, even if his eyes hold a playful light to them. “I am smart enough to recognize that anything having to do with Hange is a bad idea.”
You playfully hit his chest, and the man raises his eyebrows at you. A smile pulls at your lips, and Levi cant help but stare whimsically at you. It was unfair, really. “Fine, get on with it, brat.”
“How would you feel if I woke you up with a blow job?” His reaction is immediate, first shock, and then as a couple seconds go by he seems to be much more inclined to agree, but then finally settles on an scowl.
“Why were you talking to Hange about these things?”
You cock your head to the side, tapping on your chin. “Well, I mentioned that your nightmares have started again, and they told me that oral sex helps stop them. Something neurologically with your dick and brain? I don't know.”
He stares at you for a couple of seconds, bewildered at your explanation. But, he realizes quickly what is up, and he immediately pinches the bridge of his nose with a long sigh. “They are fucking with you, idiot. Just trying to get me laid. Hange has always been like that.”
Your face falls at the words, and Levi swears you managed to master the kicked puppy look. He grabs your hands and pulls you back onto his chest, rolling his eyes when you hum into his skin. The warmth brought him comfort, and he finds himself more at peace. “I mean…It won't help with the nightmares, but who would turn down waking up to a blowjob?” Levi mumbles into your hair, while rubbing his hands up and down your arms.
You twist to look up at him, the familiar grin back on your face. “Yeah?”
He scoffs at you, an embaressed blush coating his cheeks. “Just dont wake me up early, alright. Just gonna piss me off.”
He swears he can see you wagging a tail. “Of course, Captain!”
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Two weeks have gone by, and Levi has not woken up to your face anywhere near his dick. He has awoke to kisses along his cheeks, and neck, but that wasnt new, you were always disgustingly affectionate in your half awake state. He holds a content (half) smile for about ten seconds as he shuts the door of your room, only for it to drop when he sees Hange.
He wasnt the one to complain though, maybe you were just teasing him. You always did like to press his buttons. He wasn't going to give you the satisfaction of knowing he wants it. So, the dark haired man continues on, nightmares and all, through the weeks.
By the time a month came passing by, he knows that you forgot all about your stupid little promise – your stupid naive words that only worked to piss him off. He glared at you from across the halls for a whole week – never daring to actually show you real signs that he was upset. But after you accidentally caught him frowning at you from across the training grounds, he was immediately dragged back your shared rooms, and fucked lovingly, as you apolgized for everything you could think of that would piss the man off.
You didnt mention the blowjob, but Levi was content with the disheveled hair, and the hickeys and bite marks littering his body, so he forgives you. 
He forgets about the blowjob after two months. You were more horny than usual, so the two of you were at it multiple times a week. He would end up too exhausted to hold any real dreams, including his nightmares.
Levi was okay with it.
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9 am. Levi, for the first time ever, was oversleeping. Of course when you woke up at 8 am, on your day off from training, and found your lover by your side, you couldnt help but be shocked. He was usually gone by 5 am to get to training. 
But you heard him woke up multiple times in the middle of the night. The nightmares were back. His shaky hands wrapped around you, and he panted into your neck, trembling like you've never seen before. You don't know what triggered it, but Levi seemed to have a really bad night. 
He deserves to sleep in. So, at fifteen past 8, you scamper to Erwins office and beg the commander for Levi to have a day off. He always did have a soft spot for you. For one, you brought happiness to humanities strongest, and also because his friend silently threatened him death if he was to mistreat you. Erwin agreed without much hesitation. 
You crawl into bed next to your lover, and begin to trace his content face. At least the nightmares were gone for the night.
Then, the realization hits you. This was the perfect time for you to finally do as promised.
You waited months because you wanted Levi to forget about your words. Of course, you assumed he forgot them after a couple of days, paying no attention to your promise, but you waited it out just in case. 
And now, the both of you dont have any plans today. A once in a lifetime experience, it has got to be.
So with one more glance at your lover, you kiss his cheek, hold back a small giggle, and slowly remove the blanket from his lap. Then, you slide yourself down on the bed, and carefully manevuer yourself in between his legs. He doesnt sleep with much attire, growing hot in the night. Plus with the addition of the cold sweat he often finds himself in, he learns that going next to bare was easier. 
You pull down his boxers, and are immediately exposed to a dark patch of hair. It's trimmed properly, but he prefers to have a little hair down their over being completely shaven. Something on the lines of protecting his dick from germs or whatnot. You dont listen to the details, only thinking about how hot it is.
The boxers make it past his thighs, and you glance back up at the man. He doesn't even seem to flinch when the cool air comes into contact with his skin. He snoozes peacefully into the pillow, his dark hair covering his eyes. 
His dick lays limp against his leg, and you pick it up slowly, careful to not wake him up. You run your fingers over it a couple of times, and then, holding the back of it with your fingers to support it, you run your tongue from bottom to top of the length. 
Levi doesn't move. You take that as a sigh to continue. 
Another stripe of the tongue, and then two more, and nothing happens. You grow bolder by the moment. You place his still soft cock into your mouth, and this time you do hear a reaction. Its a quiet sigh, but it was something. His eyes still remain shut.
Slowly, you begin to suckle on the tip, finding it easier to fit it in your mouth while soft. Your tongue roams the shaft, and you press sloppy, wet kisses to his veins. Blood rushes to his cock unconsciously, and Levi still has not stirred, even with his cock now hard. You chuckle with amusement, but dont stop your movements, now dragging your hands along his thighs to appreciate his body.
Levi was having a good dream. It wasnt like the past couple of nightmares, no, this one seemed to have a light hue. It was just the two of you, laying with your backs against grass. A open field, far away from everyone, and not a threat in sight. Titans were gone.
A peaceful world for the two of you. A world Levi craved. 
His hands trace your face, and he stares at you, admiring every crease and divot of your skin. You slide your way over toward him, leaning forward to kiss him. “I love you.”
He hums, eyes falling shut, as he wraps his arms around your body. “Yeah, yeah. Love ya too, brat.”
You giggle at him, and suddenly the smile on your face shifts. It turns soft, the tips of your mouth curling up in an almost feline way, while you eyes become hooded. He watches you lean forward and press your lips to his. The man doesnt stop you, gently kissing you back while your tongue slips into his mouth. Levi gulps when your hands trace down to his pants, and he quickly looks around the meadow, afraid to discover an unwelcomed guest. Of course there was nobody, it was a dream, not a nightmare. Your hand slips into his pants, and Levi’s back arches in the grass.
He twitches in his sleep and you smile fondly at the man. The tip of his cock rest against your cheek, as you admire him for a second too long, only to be rewarded with jolt of his hips from the source unknown, sending it slapping across your face. You hold back a laugh, and then grab at it again, mumbling out a, “Even a brat in your sleep, huh Captain?” 
You lean forward and wrap your lips around him again.
“D-Don't stop!” Levi groans out, hands clutching at your shirt while he squeezes his eyes shut. It doesn't stop the sun from getting past his eyelids, so he moves closer to you to hopefully block it out. You press your lips to his neck, nibbling at the space just beneath his ears.
“Would never,” You purr, and the man glances at your hand. His pants are pulled down completely now, and your pace was rutheless in its up and down motions. It sends him shivering, and covering his face with the back of his arm. He breathes through clenched teeth, and tries his best not to let out a whimper. The man hears your giggle, and before he could stop himself, the whine slips out.
The first noise of the morning was a low whimper. Not much, but definitely there, and unbelievably cute. You grip at his hips and try to take him deeper, but his hips thrusts back into your mouth with another paired whine. Your eyes widen, and you gag out at the unexpected movement, having to pull away to catch your breath. His dark hair whips back and forth, and he continues to make low mewling noises. “Huh, and you call me the pervert. What are you dreaming about, pretty?”
Levi moans into your mouth, wrapping his arms around your neck. His hips buck up into your hands, and you playfully bite his lip, earning a dramatic grunt in complaint. He grips your hair and pulls you back to his lips before you try and let out another teasing remark. Precum leaks onto your hand, and he swears that it provides more of the makeshift lube then usual. Your hand feels better than normal, strangely damp, and so warm. Did handjobs always feel this good?
He can feel his high approaching and his breaths come out quicker. “Gonna..cum. Fuck!”
You detach yourself from his lips. “No, no, no! Not yet!” You tease, voice light and almost giggly. It wasn't the first time you denied him of his release, but it was rare. You always di did pamper him. 
The man scowls at you, borderline on the cusp of baring his teeth. “Why?” He demands, short and simple, but shows exactly how peeved he is. Levi is more than surprised to feel that you didn't squeeze his cock in warning. No, still the warm, tight feeling, that does not make any sense to him.
“Can you do something for me first?”
A demand from you? Unheard of. “Get on with it, I-Im close”
Your hand movements become louder and louder, and it shouldn't sound like that. It's so lewd, and the squelching noise are never that loud. 
You press you lips to his ear, and a shiver runs down his spine at your breath, which is strangely cooler than usual. “Wake up, Captain.”
His eyes snap open immediately and he pants into the dark room. Levi hears it first, before he feels it. A loud slurping sort of noise, and the man feels his cock trapped between something warm, wet. 
A throat. Not a hand. 
He is quick to manevour himself to hold his weight on his elbows, and glances down at you, breaths coming out shallow and quick. You smile when you catch his eye, and for a second you pull away from him. You pepper his length down with kisses. “Well, well, good morning, sleepy head,” You mumble, letting another swipe of your tongue graze his thick blue vein. Then, with little hesitation, you dive back onto his cock, taking it as far as you can into your mouth.
“What are you–Fuck!” His legs instinctually bend outward, and his back arches. His head was still foggy in his half sleepen state. Was that all a dream? Was this real? He grips onto your hair, and does his best not to force you deeper onto his cock.
Levi could feel his orgasm approaching and rapidly, same as the dream. But this time it was real, and by god did it feel that way. His hips buck into your mouth and he lets out loud moans, tucking his face into the pillow to try and muffle them. 
He tries to ask for permission again to cum again, hoping that this time real you wouldnt lead him on. It comes out more as a command, but you just roll your eyes with a smile, the giggle in the back of your throat sending him spiral. 
“Cumming. Oh god. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He chants, and your eyes widen in shock, but you don't pull away from his cock. He was never the one to be polite in bed, the little brat was always barking commands and half hearted complaints. He must be really enjoying this treat if he was to thank you.
You dont have time to dwell on it much, because he forces your head lower onto his cock and cums into your mouth. You wince at the taste, but bear no mind to it as you watch your lover unravel. His back still continues to arch (which you will never get over) while his eyes are shut. The noises he lets out are soft, more of a mewl and a groan, but adorable nonetheless. His whole body trembles and his legs lay out wide, shaking under the force of the orgasm.
You pull away when he is done, and wipe your lips with the back of your hand. “Taste perfect as usual. Always so good on your diet!”
He rolls his eye at you, but it doesn't hold much bite considering that the man seemed to be basking in the post orgasm glow. “You are gross. I know that shit tastes bad.”
“Nope! Anything that the Captian makes is amazing”
He throws a pillow at your face, and you pout at him, a dramatic whine slipping past your lips. “Don't call me that, I am not even your Captain anymore, brat. And stop pouting!” He demands, pulling up his boxers before letting out a big stretch.
“Why are you so mean to me?” You complain, crawling forward to lay on his chest. “After I gave you head too!”
The frown does not drop from his face, but he does trace his fingers along your face. A silent token of affection that you purr into. “Took ya long enough. Thought you forgot about it.”
You fake hurt, taking in a dramatic breath. “Of course not! I would never lie to you.” The words are light, and holds a smile in them. “And hey, dont you think you are a little spoiled? Complaining that you got a blowjob too late.”
Levi doesnt even seem to react, his facial expression remaining neutral, and his words flat. “No ‘m not. Said thank you and everything.”
To this, you do nod, practically vibrating with affection to give. It was too hard to really be upset with him. “Super polite of you! I was so impressed!”
This does make him roll his eyes. “You really think low of me, huh?”
You poke at his cheek with a smile plastered on your face. “Aww cmon dont be dramatic again. You know I dont. Oh! Also, did it help with the nightmares?” You tease, knowing exactly what type of dream he really was having. “You sounded very….Scared in your dream.”
He seems to flush red, but alas, Levi was never the one to be on the losing foot. “....Yes. Seems like you are going to have to do this for me everyday. To stop the nightmares.”
You burst out laughing, and fail to see the small grin that creeps up the dark haired man's face.
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hjijp · 5 months ago
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can u do something with riize and maybe how they praise you and noticing your reaction? :3 ty pooks love ur writing
riize praising you
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pairing. ot7!riize x reader // genre. fluff, established relationship // warnings. mentions of a rough day, mentions of swearing, mentions of food?? // a/n. ngl this is kind of not what u asked for so im sorry 😭
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shotaro :
shotaro had a challenging day at practice. he had difficulty mastering specific parts of their new dance routine, and despite his best efforts, he couldn't understand why. the lack of understanding upset him the most. so being back in your arms after a tough day instantly made him feel better, your presence provided him with a sense of security and solace that he cherished deeply. In addition to your emotional support, you also took the time to prepare his favourite meal, attentively listening to his concerns and offering thoughtful advice when needed, before dragging him to bed so you guys could cuddle. as he rested his head on your chest and wrapped his arms around you, he felt instantly calm in the rhythmic sound of your soothing heartbeat. "i feel safe with you," he said breaking the comfortable silence that surrounded you two. he instantly felt your heartbeat increase and chuckled.
eunseok :
eunseok knew you were stressed about graduating. It had been a rough few years for you at uni, but with eunseok by your side, you knew you’d be fine. walking up on stage to receive your degree certificate had you feeling all sorts of emotions. you were glad it's finally over, but also sad about leaving with nothing but memories of the experience. you turned and saw eunseok in the crowd, clapping and smiling at you. you couldn’t wait to hug him after this was over. finally walking up to your boyfriend, you immediately hugged him. he returned your hug by tightly wrapping his arms around you and kissing the top of your head. “I’m proud of you,” he whispered, so only you could hear. your heart fluttered, and your cheeks turned pink at the sudden praise. eunseok noticed your lack of reply, so he gently pulled your head away from his chest to hold your face in his hands. once he met your eyes, he saw your pink cheeks and chuckled. “you don’t need to be shy around me. come on, let’s get your picture taken.”
sungchan :
nothing could beat your baking, that's what sungchan always says. you think he's being dramatic, but he can't stop praising you and telling everyone he knows. despite this, you always make him whatever he asks for. So when he asked you to bake a cake, you immediately got to work. you flawlessly measured the ingredients and decorated the cake to impress him yet again (although you know you'll always impress him). once everything was finished, you called your boyfriend to try some of the cake. sungchan took a large piece and immediately praised you, "god, I love you." you chuckled and shook your head at his reaction, saying, "It's just a cake." he shook his head and replied, "It's not just a cake, it's yours. I love your baking."
wonbin :
wonbin loved going out on random adventures with you. It always put a smile on his face. seeing you so excited about taking him somewhere you loved or somewhere new made his heart flutter. he was madly in love with you. walking hand in hand at your desired destination, feeling you squeeze his hand to let him know you still acknowledge his presence while looking at all the animals at the aquarium. he could only grin. he loved seeing you so happy but would never really admit it out loud, only on certain occasions - and today was one of those days. "I love spending time with you," you heard him say while looking at your face. the rose colour instantly appearing on your cheeks caused him to smile before quickly taking a picture of you, "stop!" you chuckle out shyly before dragging him to the next exhibit.
sohee :
you and sohee had randomly decided to take a trip to Paris. he had been there before and when you saw all the pictures he took, you instantly wanted to go with him. you always loved paris, especially because it is known as the city of love, so there was no better place to go with your boyfriend. you practically loved dragging him around to go sightseeing. he always teased you about how you always dragged him around, but you knew he secretly loved it. when you dragged him to the eiffel tower, he couldn't say much as he was starstruck at how bright your smile light up the place. not even this could get him to tease you. feeling his gaze on you, you asked what was wrong. he could only reply with a simple "you look beautiful. your smile could light up the whole world."
anton :
you always knew anton was shy, and that never bothered you. In fact, you loved it. you didn't need to always speak to one another to know you both appreciated each other. so spending time together was always chill, just some music surrounding you two and the occasional conversation was all you needed. he had the great idea to paint each other while at your apartment. you assume he saw the idea on tiktok but you never said anything. "are you ready?" he asked while sitting down at the table opposite you, gathering his paint. you nodded, already feeling excited to see how he'd paint you. you started to carefully paint him over your sketch. time went by fast as you were so immersed in painting, so before you knew it, it was time to show it off. "it's not that good, sorry," you mutter shyly, anton scoffed as he saw your masterpiece, "are you kidding? you're a natural at everything you do."
seunghan :
you never really played many games, so whenever seunghan wanted to play with you, you'd have no idea what you're doing. he always said he'd teach you, but you'd both end up being too busy to fulfil his wish. so when the time for you to learn finally came, you were scared. you knew how he got over his games, especially when he lost a match with the way he swore. but to your surprise, he went easy with you and was calm the whole time. sitting in his lap while he told you all the main keys to use, "these are the keys you use to walk around," once you'd gotten the hang of everything, he put you in a match. you were doing good, to your surprise - even seunghan was shocked, yet he couldn't help but smile at your reaction to winning. you turned around with a wide smile on your face, feeling proud of your first victory, before he kissed your cheeks and said, "you did an amazing job."
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rafeskai · 5 days ago
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Life as We Know It — Rafe Cameron
Chapter Three
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Two opposites must navigate love, loss, and unexpected parenthood to discover the meaning of family.
Summary: When tragedy strikes, two very different individuals find their lives unexpectedly intertwined as they become the guardians of an orphaned child. As they navigate the challenges of co-parenting, balancing careers, and confronting their pasts, they discover that family can form in the most surprising ways. Through heartfelt moments and unexpected humor, they explore what it means to build a life together—one step at a time.
Pairings: Rafe Cameron x Reader
Warnings: Character deaths & angst.
Author's Notes: Shit really just went down in this chapter. IM SORRY
Masterlist: Here
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The months that followed were a blur of late nights, baby cries, and countless moments of learning how to be something neither of you had ever planned to be—parents. The house was constantly filled with the soft murmur of Willa’s coos, the sound of bottles being washed, and the endless shuffle of trying to make everything fit together.
It wasn’t easy. There were days when you thought you couldn’t keep your eyes open, and nights when you questioned if you were doing anything right at all. But there were moments, too—small victories, fleeting glimpses of joy—that kept you both going.
Moving in with Rafe had been the right decision, you told yourself. The practical side of it made sense, especially as the weeks went on. Rafe was still Rafe: intense, unpredictable, and sometimes impossible to read. But he was trying, and that was something.
Willa had come to see both of you as a constant in her life. She was thriving—growing fast, her chubby cheeks rounding out and her eyes lighting up when either of you walked into the room. You’d become an expert in diaper changes and feeding schedules, and though you hated to admit it, Rafe was actually pretty good with her. He had his moments where he was awkward, unsure, but when it came down to it, he was there. He would hold her when she cried, rock her when she wouldn’t sleep, and talk to her in that soft, almost tender voice you rarely heard from him anywhere else.
You had both fallen into a routine, the rhythm of everyday life settling in like a steady heartbeat. Willa would wake up around 6:30 AM, and by the time Rafe would stumble downstairs with a groggy groan, you’d already had coffee brewing and Willa settled on her blanket. The mornings were quiet—comfortable silence, filled with routine, until Willa started to fuss and everything shifted into motion.
You’d learned how to work together without much communication, both of you picking up on cues. One of you would get the bottle ready while the other soothed Willa, and when she finished, it was time for a nap.
And as much as you hated to admit it, you’d grown used to Rafe’s presence—his heavy footsteps down the hallway, the sound of his voice trying (and sometimes failing) to sing Willa back to sleep at 3 AM.
But there were challenges too. It wasn’t all sweet moments and baby giggles. There were the days where everything felt like it was too much, when you felt overwhelmed by the endless demands of raising a baby, of balancing the practicalities of your life with the unexpected responsibilities of parenting.
There were the mornings when you woke up feeling like you hadn’t slept at all, when you were late for your shifts at the café, and you’d have to rush around to get everything in place. Rafe would always be there, trying to help, but still learning the ropes himself.
The first time you caught him on the phone with his aunt, asking how to properly wash a baby bottle, you had to stifle a laugh. It was the first time you realized that Rafe Cameron—wild, unpredictable Rafe—was just as clueless as you about this whole parenting thing. He might have grown up in a house full of servants, of wealth and privilege, but when it came to taking care of a tiny human, he was as green as they come.
But you didn’t hold it against him. You couldn’t.
The kitchen was where a lot of your moments happened—early mornings when you’d both stand side by side, quietly making coffee, or late nights when you’d settle Willa back into bed, whispering soft words of reassurance to each other. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t easy. But it was yours.
One night, as you both took a rare moment to sit on the couch after putting Willa to bed, you glanced at Rafe from the corner of your eye, noticing how he rubbed the back of his neck, a tired but satisfied look on his face. You couldn’t help but let a small smile tug at your lips.
"She’s growing so fast," you said softly, breaking the comfortable silence. "I swear she was just a tiny little thing a few weeks ago."
Rafe hummed in agreement, glancing over at you with a small, almost wistful smile. "Yeah. And it feels like every time we get used to something, she changes again."
You nodded, leaning back against the couch. "It’s like we’re constantly playing catch-up."
"Yeah," he said, the word carrying more weight than usual. He ran a hand through his hair. "You ever think about what this is all gonna look like when she gets older? I mean, God, we’re just making it up as we go."
You chuckled, the sound light and almost freeing in the quiet room. "I think that’s kind of the point, right?" You paused, looking over at him, your expression softening. "I never thought I’d be here. With you. Raising a baby. But it doesn’t feel... impossible anymore."
Rafe glanced at you, a small flash of something unguarded in his eyes. "Yeah. Me neither." He paused, looking down at his hands before looking back up. "I guess we’re doing okay, huh?"
You didn’t have an answer at first. Instead, you just let your gaze soften. Maybe you hadn’t figured everything out yet. Maybe you still had a long way to go. But right now? Right now, in this moment, you were okay.
The door creaked from the hallway, and you both turned toward it, the sound of Willa stirring faintly through the door. Without a word, Rafe got up, stretching his arms before walking to the crib. You watched him for a moment, surprised at how natural it had become for him to step in like that.
You followed him, your steps quiet as you watched him gently pick Willa up, rocking her in his arms as he murmured something soft to her. You felt a flutter of something in your chest, a strange mix of relief and warmth.
“Got her?” you whispered, half-expecting him to protest.
He looked at you over his shoulder, his face soft, the exhaustion in his eyes mixing with something else—something more like contentment. “Yeah. Go back to sleep. I got it.”
And in that moment, as you watched him rock Willa back to sleep with ease, you realized something: this—whatever this was—had become a part of you. Not the life you’d planned, but a life that felt strangely right.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
It was a few days later, and a crisp morning greeted them when the crying started again. Willa had been particularly fussy the past few days—her sleep patterns erratic, her cries escalating to heart-wrenching wails that neither you nor Rafe could seem to soothe. You'd tried everything: feeding her, changing her, singing to her, rocking her to sleep—but nothing worked.
Rafe was pacing around the living room, his eyes scanning every corner of the room as if the solution to Willa’s crying was hidden under a piece of furniture or buried in a drawer. You sat on the couch, rubbing your eyes, already feeling the exhaustion of another sleepless night pressing in on you. You hadn’t been able to focus at work, and the lack of sleep made everything feel like a blur. But now, there was no ignoring it. The crying was louder, more insistent, and it was like a knife to your heart every time she screamed.
Rafe glanced at you, his frustration mounting. “We’ve tried everything,” he muttered, the words tinged with helplessness. "What else can we do?”
You shook your head, feeling that same helplessness clawing at you. “I don’t know... We’ve been through the list a hundred times.”
You both sat there for a moment, staring at the baby monitor as Willa's cries grew even more frantic. You were about to stand up, about to try the rocking chair again, when Rafe's voice broke through the tension.
“I might know something.”
You looked at him, confused. "What do you mean?"
Rafe shifted, his brow furrowing slightly as he leaned against the wall. “Sarah used to do this when she was little. It’s crazy, but it worked every time. She had this blanket... a childhood blanket. I don’t know, it just always calmed her down.”
Your eyes widened as you processed his words. "Wait... Sarah had a blanket? Here?"
Rafe nodded. “Yeah. I think it's still in the attic. I’ll go get it.”
You watched as Rafe turned to leave, the sound of his boots echoing on the stairs. There was a strange, almost surreal feeling in the pit of your stomach as he disappeared from view. Sarah’s blanket. You hadn’t known about it—had no idea it was even still here, tucked away in the attic, a piece of her childhood still lingering in the house after everything that had happened.
A few moments later, Rafe returned, a slightly worn but soft-looking blanket in his hands. He didn’t say anything as he made his way over to the crib where Willa was still crying, her little face scrunched up in distress.
“Here goes nothing,” Rafe muttered, more to himself than to you.
He gently wrapped the blanket around Willa, smoothing it over her tiny body. It was faded in spots, the fabric soft with age, but it carried a strange comfort to it—a piece of Sarah that had been forgotten until now. You stood quietly, watching the scene unfold, unsure of what to expect.
And then, in what felt like an instant, Willa’s cries started to fade. Her tiny hands grasped at the blanket for a moment, and then she let out a soft sigh. Her body, tense from the crying, relaxed in Rafe’s arms, and her big brown eyes blinked up at him, almost like she was seeing him for the first time.
You could hardly believe it. The moment felt like magic.
Rafe, looking just as surprised as you, stood there for a moment, his hands still holding Willa as she cooed softly, her eyelids fluttering. “I’ll be damned,” he whispered. “It actually worked.”
You couldn’t move. The sight of Willa—now calm and almost content—was like a weight lifted from your chest. You had been so focused on solving this crisis, on trying to manage everything, that you hadn’t considered that something so simple, so deeply tied to the past, might be the key.
As Rafe gently placed Willa back in her crib, you stood still, unable to shake the strange sensation that had crept into your heart. Watching him with the blanket, watching him soothe Willa, a feeling washed over you—an unfamiliar tightness in your chest that was both comforting and unnerving. It was as if, in that moment, a piece of Sarah had crossed into your life in a way that felt too intimate. Too real.
Rafe glanced over at you, his face soft, almost vulnerable. “I didn’t think it would actually work,” he admitted quietly, still gazing at Willa, who was now sleeping soundly, wrapped in the faded childhood blanket.
You swallowed, trying to shake the sudden lump in your throat. “I didn’t know she had it,” you whispered, your voice quiet. “It’s... it’s kind of strange, isn’t it? To think that something so simple could bring her comfort.”
Rafe nodded, walking slowly back toward the living room as he sat down on the couch. He looked at you, his gaze slightly distant but full of that same raw honesty you’d come to expect from him. “Yeah, it’s weird. But it makes sense, right? Sarah had that damn thing with her everywhere. Maybe she passed it on to Willa somehow. Who knows? Maybe it’s something about the smell, or just the familiarity of it. But I guess that’s the thing with kids—they find comfort in things that we can’t even explain.”
You didn’t answer immediately. The room felt thick with something unspoken. There was a soft, melancholic weight in the air, and your chest ached. You hadn’t expected to feel this—this weird pull in your heart. The thought of Sarah, the reminder of her presence in this house, in your life, and now, with Willa... it was all too much to process.
You sat down beside Rafe, your body heavy with the unspoken thoughts crowding your mind. Neither of you said anything for a while. There wasn’t anything to say, really. But the silence between you two didn’t feel uncomfortable this time. It felt... shared.
Finally, after a few moments, you spoke, your voice soft but steady. “It’s... strange to think that Sarah’s still here. In some way. For Willa.” You looked at Rafe, trying to read his face, but his expression was guarded. “It’s like... she’s still looking out for her, even now.”
Rafe didn’t meet your gaze immediately. He just stared at the floor, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “But I hope so.”
You glanced down at Willa, her tiny form tucked into the blanket, her face peaceful now. The weight in your chest felt a little lighter. “I hope so, too.”
It wasn’t easy. None of this was. But at that moment, with Sarah's blanket wrapped around Willa, you both realized something—it wasn’t just about the past anymore. It was about the present. And the future.
You didn’t have all the answers, but maybe you didn’t need to. Maybe you just needed to trust that you were doing your best, that you were doing this for Willa, for Sarah, for each other. And maybe, just maybe, that was enough.
The day had shifted into something quieter, something more grounded. The house felt a little warmer, a little fuller, with Sarah’s memory lingering in the most unexpected of ways.
And as you sat there next to Rafe, silently watching over Willa, you couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of peace—the first you’d felt in a while.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
A few hours later, the night had settled into a rare quiet, the soft hum of the refrigerator and the occasional creak of the house the only sounds in the otherwise still air. Willa had finally fallen asleep—her tiny body now wrapped snugly in her crib, her peaceful face illuminated by the moonlight that spilled through the window. You and Rafe were sitting in the living room, a bottle of wine between you both, the remnants of the evening slipping by in a slow, comfortable haze.
It wasn’t something either of you had planned, but tonight felt different. The weight of the past few months, the stress of adjusting to this new life together, had somehow slipped away after dinner. There was no rush to get up, no urgent task that needed to be done. The wine flowed freely, and for a brief moment, it felt like you were allowed to just breathe.
You poured the second glass of wine, the conversation light, a mix of joking about how neither of you had ever really handled a bottle opener right and how neither of you knew much about wine, but at that moment, it didn’t matter. The normal world felt far away, and this small moment of calm was something you both desperately needed.
“I swear,” Rafe said with a half-grin, swirling his glass and leaning back into the couch, “I think I might be a natural at this wine thing.”
You laughed, lifting your own glass to your lips. “Oh yeah? That’s what I was thinking too. A whole new world of sophistication has opened up for you.” You clinked your glass against him, the light chimes almost too loud in the silence.
There was a quiet ease to the night. The tension of the past few months, the uncertainty of your situation, seemed far away. You both talked about random things—life before Willa, stupid high school memories, the occasional dig at the ridiculousness of the Kooks’ high-society antics. And somehow, in this soft glow of laughter, you both began to forget the weight of your new reality.
But as the night wore on, something in the air between you shifted.
The conversation had died down, and now the silence felt heavier, different. You caught Rafe’s gaze as he looked at you over the rim of his glass, and for the first time in what felt like forever, the space between you seemed charged. It was almost as if, after everything, this moment was too... easy. Too comfortable.
You shifted on the couch, the wine starting to cloud your mind in the way it did when it wasn’t just about a drink anymore. Your heart beat a little faster, a strange heat blooming in your chest.
Rafe’s eyes never left you, and you could feel the sudden awareness of his presence—his usual confidence now laced with something more raw. You tried to brush it off, to laugh it away, but your throat felt tight.
“I think we might’ve had a little too much,” you said, your voice a little unsteady, more than you’d intended. You weren’t sure if it was the wine or the sudden tension or maybe something else entirely.
He nodded, his gaze now focused entirely on you. “Yeah, probably. But... you know, it’s been a while since I’ve had a night like this. With someone.”
You felt the words sit heavy between you both, something unspoken hanging there, and for a brief moment, you swore you saw something flicker in his eyes—something that mirrored what you had felt earlier, that strange warmth in your chest.
You opened your mouth to respond, but before you could find the right words, Rafe shifted closer.
It was subtle, a slight movement, but it was enough to make your breath catch in your throat. And then, before you could stop yourself, before you could even process what was happening, his lips were on yours.
The kiss was gentle, and slow, like neither of you wanted to let go. For a moment, it felt like everything had shifted, like time had paused and all that mattered was the contact, the connection, the warmth of his mouth against yours.
But as quickly as it started, it was over. The distance between you two was almost immediate, both of you pulling away with wide eyes and labored breaths.
You both sat there, frozen, the weight of what had just happened sinking in like a heavy stone.
“Oh my God,” you muttered, your chest tight as your heart raced, “That... that was a mistake.”
Rafe’s face was flushed, his hands running through his hair nervously. He looked just as stunned as you felt. “Yeah. A big mistake,” he muttered under his breath, his voice laced with something like disbelief.
The air around you both thickened, heavy with the tension of what had just happened. Neither of you knew how to fix it, how to go back to the way things had been just minutes before, when everything felt... simple. When you both were just two people trying to figure things out.
“I—” You cut yourself off, unable to find the words. You didn’t know what you were supposed to say, what you were supposed to feel. The kiss had been... unexpected, yet somehow, it had felt too natural to ignore.
Rafe was silent for a long moment, his eyes locked on his hands, his voice quiet when he finally spoke. “We can’t—this can’t happen again, [Y/N].” His words were final, but there was something underneath them—a hesitation, like he wasn’t entirely sure that was what he wanted to say. “I mean, we’re... we’re doing this for Willa, right? We can’t let this mess things up.”
You nodded, swallowing hard. “Yeah. You’re right.” But as you said the words, you felt a strange tug in your chest—something that didn’t align with the logic of what you knew was right. You didn’t know what to do with that feeling, how to even begin to unpack it.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You and Rafe were guardians to Willa. That was it. It had to be that way. This... this wasn’t supposed to complicate things.
But the air between you both remained heavy. Every word that followed felt like an attempt to fill the silence, to erase the awkwardness, but nothing worked.
You sighed, your hands pressing against your eyes. “This is just so messed up. We’ve already got enough going on, and now...” you trailed off, unsure of what to even say next. You felt disoriented, your emotions tangled.
Rafe glanced over at you, his expression shifting from shock to something softer. “I don’t know what to say either. But... we need to focus on Willa. We’re doing this for her. That’s all that matters.”
You nodded again, trying to pull yourself together, but the air between you two was thick, and no amount of words could erase the kiss, the connection that had flickered between you both.
And in the quiet that followed, you realized something: things were already complicated. Whether you admitted it or not, the line between what was necessary and what felt right was already blurred. And neither of you knew how to unblur it.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
The days dragged on, each one more awkward than the last. After the kiss, Rafe had retreated into himself, throwing up walls so high you could barely see over them. He was colder now—shorter with his words, sharper with his tone. The rare moments of understanding and teamwork you’d managed to build in the past months seemed to vanish overnight.
It was suffocating.
You found yourself juggling too much at once: your shifts at the café, the endless demands of parenting, and now, the tension that lingered between you and Rafe like a storm cloud. You couldn’t escape it. Every glance, every clipped response from him was a reminder of the kiss—a reminder of how things had gone wrong and how neither of you knew how to fix it.
Willa was your only reprieve. Despite the chaos, she was growing brighter by the day. Her giggles were your anchor, her tiny hands reaching for yours a reminder of why you were enduring this storm. But even she wasn’t enough to distract you from the weight of everything else.
“Rafe, can you grab her bottle from the kitchen?” you called one afternoon, cradling Willa in your arms as she fussed.
He didn’t look up from his phone. “You’ve got two legs, don’t you?” he muttered, the words slicing through the air.
You froze, biting back the sting of his tone. “I’m holding her, Rafe,” you said as evenly as you could manage.
With an exaggerated sigh, he got up and stomped into the kitchen. The bottle landed on the coffee table a moment later, the sound of it hitting the wood sharper than it needed to be.
“Thanks,” you said, though your gratitude felt hollow. He didn’t respond, disappearing into his office without another word.
This was how it was now—barbed comments, cold silences, and the ever-present feeling that you were walking on eggshells.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
One evening, after another particularly tense exchange, you sat on the edge of your bed, the weight of everything pressing down on you. The exhaustion was bone-deep. You felt like you were failing on all fronts—your job, your relationship with Rafe (if you could even call it that), and even Willa.
You couldn’t help but wonder how much longer this could go on. How long you could juggle everything without dropping one of the pieces.
But before you could dwell on it too long, there was a knock at the door.
Rafe stood there, his face unreadable. For a moment, you thought maybe he was going to apologize, maybe he was going to acknowledge how hard this had been for both of you.
Instead, he said, “We need to talk.”
You braced yourself. “About?”
His eyes flickered with something you couldn’t place—nervousness, maybe, or anger. “Ward.”
Your stomach dropped. “What about him?”
Rafe stepped into the room, his posture tense. “He’s... he’s trying to get custody of Willa.”
The words hit you like a punch to the gut.
“What?” you whispered, your voice barely audible.
“He’s claiming we’re unfit,” Rafe said, his jaw tightening. “Says we don’t have the resources, that we’re too young. He’s filing a petition.”
Your heart raced as you tried to process the information. Ward Cameron, the man who had emotionally scarred his children, who had driven a wedge into their family with his manipulations, was trying to take Willa away?
“He can’t—he can’t do this,” you said, your voice shaking with anger. “He’s not fit to take care of her! What about everything he did to you? To Sarah?”
Rafe’s expression hardened, a mixture of fear and fury flashing across his face. “None of that matters to him. He doesn’t care about her—he just wants control.”
The room felt smaller, the air heavier. You couldn’t lose Willa. Not to Ward. Not after everything you’d fought for, everything Sarah and John B. had wanted for her.
“What do we do?” you asked, your voice cracking.
Rafe looked at you, and for the first time in weeks, the coldness in his eyes melted away, replaced by something raw and real. “We fight him,” he said firmly. “We don’t let him win.”
But as he said the words, the doubt in his voice betrayed him. Because deep down, you both knew that Ward Cameron wasn’t a man who fought fair. And the thought of what he might do to get his way sent a chill down your spine.
The battle for Willa had just begun, and it was about to shake everything you thought you knew.
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© 2024 rafeskai | All rights reserved. This fanfiction is a work of fiction inspired by characters from Outer Banks, and no part of it may be reproduced or distributed without permission.
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