#and im so pissed off that i have no good blades at all bc im a baby nowadays and need sharp blades to do anything

[lqnar]

All i want to do is eat and kill myself lmfao

[shotmrmiller]

okay so maybe like angst/hurt comfort bc the boys are soft and i love that house indulge me thank you 😭😭😭 (tw unhealthy relationship, nothing descriptive but to each their own with how it goes/how dark you want it)

but say reader is with someone else, someone who frequents the boys usual bar. and they see you quiet often and come to look forward to seeing you, even if you’re with someone else. you’ve caught their eye a couple times and always send a shy smile back and have even gathered the courage to say hi to them every once in awhile when they come up to the bar for a refill.

and the more they go, the more rundown you seem. more tired, lackluster, smile straining at the corners. even if you’re happy to see them, look forward to seeing them, it doesn’t reach your eyes like before.

one evening they go out the side for a smoke and see your partner berating you (perhaps more, worse, etc) and they get involved bc how fucking dare they. they damn near tear the collar off with a knife and pull you away to protect you, and keep you safe from them.

TW: implied verbal abuse

"You talk to all your defenseless pets like that?" Mohawk man's face twisted in anger as he fiercely confronted your 'handler'. The guy was silent, choking on his fear, when he got slammed against the wall so hard his head bounced off of the surface.

The behemoth with a skull balaclava placed his palm right by his head and got within inches of your handler's face.

With a menacing tone, he growled, "He asked you a question."

Chilly hands cupped your face and turned your head, forcing your attention from your handler borderline pissing himself on the wall to the guy in front of you, that wore a hat with a UK flag on it.

"Focus on me, sweetheart. You alright?" he softly asked.

Too stunned to speak, you weakly nod.

"Good. Captain? Got a knife?" The man with a mutton chop beard answered him.

"No. Simon?" Without looking, the masked man threw his sheathed tactical knife at Captain. Hat man slowly moved, taking great care to not make any sudden movements, and grabbed the knife, and explained, "I'm going to cut this collar off, yeah? I promise I won't hurt you."

He waited patiently for your consent, and when you finally did, he gave you a tender smile.

"Good darling. Hold still now."

Swiftly placing two fingers under your collar, he cleverly used them as a barrier between the delicate skin of your neck and the blade.

As soon as it snapped off, a rush of air filled your lungs, and your eyes stung with the welling of tears. You were finally free.

Captain took off his coat and wrapped it around you, enveloping you in warmth.

"Let's get you outta here, yeah?"

In the secure embrace of Captain, you were swiftly carried away from the chaos, and when the unsettling noise of skin colliding with skin reached your ears, you tightly covered them— blocking out all sound.

--

why was this so hard to write? maybe cuz if i was one of the boys, im just pulling out the glizzy.

find peace in the embrace of the goddess, type beat.

[no-shxme]

Question if you could rework Talon how would you do it? Like, if you have complete and total control of the character, can change things as far as the beginning or just progress his story. You can do whatever.

What would you do?

OKAY so i actually typed out a long ass response but then it got deleted so this makes me very sad faklsdjkljsfd but im gonna try and repeat myself. Disclaimer ofc this is going to be very long and its also just my personal opinion. No hate if anyone’s ideal talon is different.

So i can divide the changes i would make into like, 3 categories.

Core design

In game

Lore

I’ll go ahead and put it below the cut bc i know its gonna be so long (sob)

CORE DESIGN:

Okay im pretty sure i’ve said smth similar before but i cant remember. Basically i think talon’s core design fantasy conflicts with his design to an egregious degree. Riot’s goal is supposed to be to make the champ design fit the fantasy, but we’re supposed to believe he’s this cutthroat, efficient, STEALTHY assassin, who can kill with no mercy and climb all over the map and yet he’s got this jingle-jangle cape and also a hokey, non-retractable armblade. (this pisses me off bc zed has a retractable blade. So they DO exist.) also wild rift pissed me off bc when they redid their design of him they didn’t fix any of the issues and in fact made the armblade worse. How is he supposed to climb? It fundamentally conflicts with what he’s supposed to be. Get rid of both of them both. banished.

Granted, both of these things make his design more unique, but i dont think talon needs them. In fact their existence makes his own thematic design worse, as someone who’s supposed to blend in, supposed to hide in a crowd and be a nobody. He’s supposed to have a generic design. Maybe they can fuck with his cape a lil bit, but he doesn’t need to have this super notable look to him. Look at akshan. He’s just a shirtless dude (in a repurposed sol uniform) but he wears it well fr. 

As a side note: talon’s design in ‘the name of the blade’ is pretty good as a starting off point but it still has the stupid cape.

To be clear they will never change this i think. Talon’s armblade and cape are too ingrained in his old design so they’ll never be fixed, and this problem with it not matching his fantasy will only get worse over time.

Also i think base leblanc also looks ridiculous and is in the same boat.

IN GAME:

A new model + animations ofc! Hood toggle, + extra animation variants when vaulting over stuff. (over thin walls, thick walls, and side hops.) an idle knife flip. (oh and new splasharts ofc.) a new voice!! My current problem with the voice is that imo he sounds too old and deep, and also he suffers from being old (i hc him as between 23-25) and having few lines. Tbh i think talon would rock a raspy transmasc voice, or at least a raspy voice, prone to cracking bc he’s not super talkative.

random voice line ideas

New interactions with katarina, swain prolly, sett (as a treat) and ezreal. etc.

New joke response: “i dont get it” or “you talk too much.”

New taunt response: “be quiet.”

“Leave me alone” or “you’re annoying” after killing someone.

“I can climb that” when seeing sett or other eligible champs, both masc and fem. bisexual energy.

Lots of vocalizations. “Hah,” hrmphs, occasional “hm.”

A focus on shorter, more straightforward sentences as opposed to long wordy ones.

he will trigger more voicelines when by himself (for eg: in the jg) as opposed to around other champions. (yes im dreaming big.)

as an 'away from people or in the jg' voiceline: whistling. not like a tune or anything, just a few notes.

LORE:

Okay this is the really big one. I’m just gonna go all over the place.

Step 1: make him aro. MAKE HIM ARO. it doesn't need to be a big reveal or anything. Actually it’d be better if all of talon’s lore was lowkey. It can just be smth mentioned or implied on the side, but canon nonetheless. I hc him as bi too but the aro is way more important to me. WHILE WE'RE AT IT. riot please release an aromantic pride icon pls. every year i foolishly hope.

Step 2: i’d also make him trans. This isn’t a hard need for me but it makes his story/character stronger. Also i think its great to have open lgbt rep but i would like rep for people who are stealth too. Talon would be that. He likes to blend in, he likes to be unknown and invisible, he doesn’t want too much attention and he wants to be perfect. It’s pretty on the nose. I know people would be mad bc like, noo he wasn’t trans before, but i just dont care. My ideal talon is trans or at least gnc/nb-coded if amab. Also while we’re at it i’d also either give him autism with my autism ray-gun, or i’d just make him autism-coded. It just fits him. I think he realistically has anxiety and prolly some other personality disorder, if not a touch of tism.

Step 3: make the timeline of events around when he was adopted all the way to the kat comic more definite. Like how old was he when he was ‘adopted?’ (imo at least 13 but i can explain in a not already super long post pfpfpf). Retcon some of the kat comic. I think the most annoying part of it is how much he talks. I think riot thinks he’s like, a boring character, but he’s not. He’s just a NUANCED character. There are many different assassins in league that fit specific niches. (zed is evil shadow ninja assassin, akali is rogue wildcard assassin, pyke is the crazed executioner, yone is righteous, fizz is silly, katarina is proud and showy.) talon is already supposed to fit the most typical ‘assassin niche.’ like assassins creeds. Just let him be that. You don’t have to make him talk a ton, just amplify what’s already there. He’s a perfectionist, he does things in the most efficient way, he’s got layers and abandonment issues, and i think something that’s overlooked by riot is how he’s prolly a victim of manipulation and abuse. In fact i’d make that very clear, even by revealing that talon can’t read. That would already mean smth is up.

In terms of the kat comic: Cut out the whole part where talon monologues like an idiot at the end. While we’re at it, have kat kill the king, not that other guy. I think its a more interesting tie in and adds more character conflict. I actually hate how ‘good’ katarina was in the comic like she can afford to have more awfulness and then visibly grow out of it. Idc. continuing, i’d make it so that talon really thought marcus left, and then marcus returns just before the kat comic events and manipulates talon into trying to kill her. Idk this makes so much more sense to me i dont know why they had talon know about it the whole time, as if it didn’t kill his entire story that we’d been following for years. Like it was such an easy change to still respect what story he already had??? IT MAKES ME MAD. It also allows talon to have more obvious conflict with killing kat, bc their sibling connection improves in marcus' absence.

ALSO i like his scar in the kat comic but i’d like it differently instead of straight down. I feel like eye scars are pretty like, they all look the same yk. Can we vary it up or maybe give him a few more. He’s so pretty in the kat comic but he deserves more scars.

Also, in his high noon story i would not have fucking talon dish out the expository dialogue again. I love that story but it makes me mad how he just word vomits this whole story. Just put that shit at the beginning and leave him out of it. Or maybe find some way to explain that doesn’t involve clumsy paragraphs of expository dialogue. Sorry, no hate to the author but i think a character reciting a whole fable to someone is amateurish, lazy, and a disservice to his character. I would also make him and Yone the protagonists of high noon gothic as an au. Ive been meaning to make a post about it but they parallel each other very nicely. A demon going holy and a good man going hellish.

If i could i would legit canon-ship him with sett or with akshan. But thats ofc very indulgent and relies on setup.

uhhh extra bits that im thinking of:

retcon the going to shurima after failing to kill kat bit. i want him to fester. i would rather him be totally lost for a second and observe the wreckage of his lost family.

imo he never meets cass or soreana, because he enters the family in his teens when they're both already in shurima.

i think a really cool way to deliver talon's lore would be via other champ lore that happens to have him in it. with a consistent voice you'd be able to piece him together while still maintaining the theme of him being on the outside, lowkey.

OH I'D CHANGE HIS ICON BTW. his character icon doesn't look like him. dear god. dark brown hair pls, amber eyes. let it be so.

if i could i would strengthen the anarchistic themes he has going on in his skin lines. yeah let him go apeshit why not. let him be a thorn. let him break apart.

im pretty sure he's canonically short (looked the same size as kat in the comic) but if not. he is now. sorry bud.

oh as a final note. right now his parents are just Gone. but i would make sure that they abandoned him. its the strongest way to cause him to attach to marcus.

there's probably more but i really can't remember rn and its already so long. my god. thanks for this ask tho it was very fun to answer omg. if i ever become a famous author id beg riot to let me write smth for him. a novella or smth like garen first strike.

and ofc to reiterate, these are just my opinions. people can have their own versions of talon for sure, its all ok!

[smallraindrops-blog]

Dear Raindrops, You are feeding us well as we wait for the new chapter! Do you, by chance, have any drabbles or other au idea you would be willing to share as we wait? (Only if you want to!)

That said, I hope you're doing well and have a good rest of your day!

Sorry for the late response. Im getting close with the current chapter and i need to dump out this out of my brain so here. Odyssey AU

Tw: for SA, violence, death, the typical greek myth shit.

Sometimes I wondered if I should had completely gone a different way with Y/N. Bc like imagine Y/N joining the ill-fated journey and like at first everything seemed to be going fine.

Yeah, he is grieving, homesick for a place and time and people who no longer existed. But his parents’ ashes are close by, and something about going into the wild blue yonder helped.

A journey to an unknown place like your parents.

Then… shit started to go sideway.

It all started with that goddamn island. Y/n was originally almost left on the ship although he offered to come with.

“Lad, you are not a friendly face. I need men who that don’t make people want to run in the other direction.”

“You also need men who will scare people into obeying.”

“… well, i can’t disagree with that.”

so y/n is listening about the food-cave and is like bullshit but he knows better than to go against Odyssey too much in front of his men.

When exploring the cave, Y/N doesn’t noticed until too late that some of the men killed a sheep.

Of course, they picked the worst sheep to kill first.

The favorite sheep.

Afterwards the battle of with Cyclopes, with the other crew members -who didn’t see their comrades get crushed/eaten- celebrating around him, Y/n just stares out into the sea and wondered if he should have gone with his original plans.

Just another nightmare among the many.

then there was the bag.

Y/n knew immediately that was no treasure, the god said not to open the damn bag.

Don’t. open. the. damn. bag.

They opened the bag.

Because y/n had apparently decided to follow a captain that the gods hated. Of course, he did because would anything ever go right?

And Poseidon nearly wipe them all out.

“Odysseus-“

“I know, I know-“

“I regret the day i met you.”

“Yeah, I hear that a lot.”

Then the witch, Circe and y/n had lost count of many men they had lost. He also doesn’t know exactly what going on between her and Odyssey but y/n just knew it wasn’t good.

“Y/n?“

“Yeah, Myron?”

“That pig there, it looks pretty wild, I don’t think it is one of our crew member.”

“No, that is Onias. I remember the birth mark on his lower back.”

“How do you know about that birthmark?”

“… look, pigs are off the table completely until they change back.”

When y/n learn that about the journey to the underworld, he couldn’t sleep. When they made it inside, he kept looking for his parents. Surely he would see something.

But he didn’t.

It took everything in him not to jump overboard and search for them. They were happy now. They should be at rest but surely this would had gotten their attention. They were happy here right?

Right?

…

Right?

Somehow y/n didn’t get killed by Zeus, the god too pissed off at Odysseus y to realized he miss y/n ( and y/n wonders if the gods actually hate him too and that why he can’t seem to die.)

“Lad-“

“Don’t speak, keep paddling.”

“I have a plan-”

“Shut. It”

Calypso was a hot mess and Y/N spent of his time far of time far away. Although there was a few times he was also forced into her bed.

He and Odysseus don’t talk about it.

Eventually

They made it home.

Only not really.

Because Y/N didn’t realized that Odyssey might not be completely sane when it came to his beloved wife ( gods, just kill him if y/n ever ends up that insane over a single person. No one is worth all this pain.)

and because Y/n literally hates himself, he ends working side by side with Odyssey looked like homeless men and when one of the suitors go too far, helps kill all 108 of them.

And later, Y/N is cleaning the blood awkwardly of his blade on a dead man’s clothes, feeling a little guilty because it is clear even to him that Penelope put a lot of time and effort into keeping a very lovely home and now there is blood and bodies everywhere.

Even on her roses.

Poor Telemachus looked traumatized, the young man didn’t know where to look it seems.

Odyssey and Penelope just leave them alone.

Y/n sighed.

Why didn’t he just die in the war like everyone else?

“Ah, are you a friend of my father’s?- sir?”

“More like his pet jester.”

“Oh… Do- do you want a bath?”

“Yes, please.”

and when odyssey finds him later, he just beams at Y/N, “see lad, i told you that it would be worth it.”

Y/n just down another cup of wine.

~

Later he met Hypnos and realized that maybe Odysseus’ respond to the suitors was maybe not that insane.

[wildmelon]

i finished verity's playthrough before going to a christmas party tn and i'm a little drunk and very tired rn but i have to get some thoughts off my chest. first of all, it was a little sad finishing her playthrough since i'm so attached to her now. second of all, i'm mad bc i feel like duke!wyllmancers get a rly unfair ending re. karlach. i have a whole rant on why i'm against a blade!wyll ending but i guess i'll save that and just focus on how pissed i am that there's no way to save karlach and actually end in a proper romance with wyll. all ur other companions u can have a final romance scene and romantic epilogue with AND save karlach bc blade!wyll goes with her, but if u romance wyll and u want him to be duke, the only way to save karlach is to go to avernus with her yourself, and then u don't get a final scene with wyll and in the epilogue it acts like u weren't a couple. idk what happens if u romance blade!wyll and he goes to avernus and u don't want to go. even if u romance wyll and both go to avernus to save karlach it still seems unfair to me like no other romances have to do that. but yeah i really don't like the way they did karlach's ending i dont necessarily think every narrative always has to end happily with a nice little bow but to me it's just too tragic when karlach dies and to have to sacrifice an adequate ending to my romance for her life is so unfair. and making her ending contingent on the pc or wyll like that feels railroady to me not like oh my actions have consequences. anyway im sure this is pretty rambly and incoherent but it's really bothering me. i'll probably clean up this rant and make it into actual good points another time.

[orpheusilver]

I am asking about your spiderverse dimension 🎤

yippeeeee okay id better explain what exactly im trying to write here lmao so like. this whole au was originally just an experiment in mapping the spider-person story onto a morbius variant as a joke bc i liked the idea of him being like "i was straight up bitten by a radioactive animal and started doing vigilante crime fighting can you please let me into the multiverse" and miguel going "NO youre literally a villain How did you get this number" but then it kinda spiralled and now theres like themes n shit

so long story short morgan michaels gets bitten by a radioactive vampire bat on a uni trip and wakes up with some weird mutations but doesnt really take much notice, he just goes about his day as normally as he can until he Fucking exsanguinates someone to Death. and takes it Badly. so then while hes trying to cope with that and adjust to the whole "vampire(?) thing" like. finding a non-homicidal way to get blood. he encounters spider-man and goes Hey! You know what would make me feel less shit about that whole murder thing? Doing that!

so he pisses off to try become a superhero and accidentally gets stuck with the name morbius, fucks around w/ doc ock and almost finds out until spidey saves his ass and morbius goes Hey. Im bad at this. Youre good at this. Can i be your sidekick until i figure out what the fuck im doing? and peter goes Hhhhhmmmmm bc He knows morbius is a villain. hes wearing one of them watches hes all caught up on how his canon works. but maybe this one is different..maybe he can fix him.....as in hes literally floating there in front of him asking to be fixed. so he says Yeah okay ill make sure you dont get yourself killed probably

so theyre doing the whole superhero mentor thing for a while, morgan learns and grows amd theres some cool contrasting moments where he handles shit completely differently than spider-man would and changes the trajectory of some established arcs, until eventually hes off doing basic superhero stuff all on his own and goes Hey that guy doesnt have a pulse. Thats kinda weird. so he tracks the guy to this weird secret rave in a factory basement with all these other dead people and at one point they turn on the sprinkler and its full of human blood? which hes so normal about ofc (<- the lying liar) and then this COOL GUY with a COOL JACKET and a COOL SWORD shows up and starts annihilating everyone and morbius goes Whoa cool! and then this guy tries to kill Him and he goes HEY WAIT IM LITERALLY ALIVE and blade goes Thats fucking weird cause youre definitely a vampire so whats your deal. Come with me so i can figure out what your deal is. so then morbius meets blades cool hematologist friend and cool butch biker mom and finds out abt Actual vampires which, it turns out, he definitely isnt hes something else which just seems similar bc [INSERT COMIC-TYPICAL MUTATION BULLSHIT]

they both get tied up in plot stuff and even though it takes a loooong moment for blade to trust him theyre actually a pretty good team, morbius is used to spider-man treating him like a student and, implicitly, a child so its neat that blade treats him like an Equal (albeit an annoying inexperienced equal w/ bad jokes and a worse costume but still) and turns out they actually have a lot in common? and kinda bond really easily? and maybe this whole "edgy-hero-who-kills-things" deal is working wayyyy better for him than the spandexed paragon thing spider-man has going on and that guy is super out of his depth in these circumstances and needs to stop pushing in assuming he knows best just bc hes a """hero""" and actually hes maybe being a total uptight prick about the no murder thing and who died and made him king of new york anyway?? fuck off spider-man i have a cool new friend who Gets Me and will absolutely definitely never judge me for killing someone or succumbing to bloodlust which is definitely totally 100% true and Not a fundamental misinterpretation that will come back to bite me in the ass.

[skinnybinnietitties]

Im bouta kms I sWEAR😀

HELLOOOOO Fellow kind my first post bouta be a stupid ass rant bc I got into shit😭

(My spelling and grammar are literally shit I'm so sorry...)

So basically on last weekend my mom caught me cutting in my room and taking pictures of it. I was in my room trying to blow off some steam w my slicey bcuz my mom kept calling me and needing me to get stuff for her and my lil siblings because she was doing my sisters hair and around the middle end of my session my mom calls me while I have a bunch of blood still on my and a good bit of the blood smeared on my thigh bc thts my safe zone but I didn't have any pants on bc it was easier to access the area I was cutting. Before I come out of my room my mom is calling me and getting more and more pissed off bc I'm not coming and when I do she keeps asking me what took me so long and what the hell I'm doing so I obviously tell her nothing while trying to pull my shirt down (it stops at the beginning of my knee) and cover my bloody nails so she doesn't see them. And after I fin8sh doing what she asked me to do I go back to my room and decided it would be a good idea to take a few pictures and videos bc why not (wanna punch my self in the face jst thinking about this shit😭) and after I'm done making 2 more cuts on video I decide I need music so I was picking some then all of a sudden I hear my mom's footsteps coming to my room and mind you I had FUCKIJG gasue packets and wipes that were sufficiently bloody enough to need an explanation. Anyways she bust in my room and I wasn't thinking properly ofc bc I jump up and grab a tissue off my dresser and hide it in my hand and turn off my phone. When I so that dumb shit I leave my blade on my nightstand and when she walks to my side of the room because we have a division curtain because I share a room she looks at me and is like "what's in your hand??" "what were you just doing??" type shit and when she sees me try to leave the room she goes and closes the door and when she does that I swipe my blade onto the floor and start panicking thinking "oh yeah your cooked your so done😭" so eventually she sees what sin my hand and makes my ass sit down and originally the excuse I used was that I hurt my self trying to cut something off my bra with a knife BUT😮‍💨 tht evolves into cutting my nipple and soo after my kitty cat by accident and her thinking I was going at it🥲😭. She believed the last one not before asking me if I hurt my self and when I told her I acted like that because I was embarrassed asf about it and panicked but during those poorly made excuses she says something about my phone and I yeet it behind my bed to "get later" because mind you I had the video plus other cutting sessions along with ana progress and just other screenshots and downloads I don't want her to see PLUS I have this hellish thing called Family link where she can lock my device and block apps (clearly didn't help because I have accessed the internet from an app that doesn't even show how much time I've spent on it plus other things) so I'm not supposed to have YouTube or tiktok or anything like that so if she were to go through my phone it would get taken away and I really got this phone in may becau6my last one was taken away for more than a year so obvi don't wanna get in trouble. Okay getting side tracked but anyways so when I yeeted my phone she made me get it and told me ima check your stuff so I go into the living room and ask can I watch her look and she says yes with a side eye. When she checks everything and doesn't see anything she says I feel like I'm missing something and finally clicks my pictures and before she can click the gallery I tell her you shouldn't click that because it's stuff you don't wanna see on there but obvi she does anyways and gasps when she sees my thighs and when I try to grab the phone she grabs my wrists and makes me get away. Eventually she makes me go in her room and strip to my undies and bra off and checks but she only sees cuts on my once safe zone and time skip blah blah blah she asking me a bunch of questions and stuff I end up saying too much about how I am essentially a people pleaser and I'm not satisfied with my life yada yada.

Not enough space so making a part 2 to the story for who ever wants to read this💀

[twotonedsuicide]

My small yap session bc I'm bored

So spacehey just hit 1 million users and liek ,, it feels so weird 2 me

I joined the site 2 years ago when it only had around 480k - 500k users so I've seen a good chunk of the sites history unfold right by me

It's just such an amazing accomplishment I'm around 2 see happen and liek ,, it's nice that I've been on the site 4 so long ,, yet it makes me a bit more sad abt my plans on quitting / leaving it 4 a bit

My plan was 2 leave the site 4 as long as I wanted bc yeah it's a good site but the ppl on it r either super sensitive, super edgy or just not active

I get wanting 2 b a good person and positive influence ,, but obv there is such a thing as toxic positivity

I've also seen ppl harass users just 4 liking a simple movie or having a trait a particular person doesn't like

It's a good site and good idea but the ppl make it insufferable 2 b on daily

Another small issue I have w/ the site is the mod team

Ppl don't like the mods and it's mostly 4 good reasons

Yeah the mods have been cleaning up the gore spam and other nasty stuff off the site but they also unfairly ban/suspend ppl 4 little reason if any at all

I've almost got my acc on there suspended bc some1 reported my acc

I was confused y until a mod IMed me on there

Apparently some1 didn't like how I had a razor blade as my cursor and the graphic I added as a joke

(the graphic I was using below:)

I've had that graphic on my profile 4 months before that person actually reported it and the mods thought it was completely fine

I 1st put it on my profile way back in early March so it was considered fine 4 5 months

That's what I don't like abt the mods

They will get pressed over little graphics on some1s page but the second some1 starts spamming actual gore it'll take them at least half a hour 2 get rid of the account

They will also ban you the second you piss them off / get involved in the smallest of drama

I'm friends w/ some1 named gia who has been banned over 50 times on spacehey just 4 popping up and making a new acc

He only got involved in drama once b4 his acc got terminated

And every time he just pops up on the site and tries 2 use it like any1 else his accs get suspended

Ik it's against TOS 2 not make multiple accs but banning him over some petty drama that happened way back in April is just a bit unnecessary

He doesn't even interact w/ the ppl who were involved w/ that situation anymore

Every1 but the mods moved on

So now he has 2 use burner emails and a variety of display names and such just 2 b able 2 stay on the site

I get trying 2 minimize the problematic content on your site but just straight up banning ppl for a small situation that happened 3 months ago isn't exactly the best way 2 do things imo

There's a block button 4 a reason

If you don't like some1 on the site just block them and move on there's no need 4 the mods 2 ban both parties 4 what's essentially no good reason

That reminds me of another issue I have w/ some of the ppl on spacehey

I've had ppl get mad at me and question y i blocked random well known users on the site

I've had angry IMs from ppl asking me abt some small stuff I was involved in

There's just what seems 2 b cult followings around some of the popular users on the site

Like I'm srry I blocked them but it's my choice

If some1 doesn't like me I will just block and move on bc starting up something over something so insignificant is stupid

I've also gotten blocked by some of the popular users 4 no reason

If some1 blocks me 4 no reason I'll just block them back

I fear it's just the best thing 2 do

I won't go and make an alt acc just 2 ask them y they blocked me

It's their choice and that's that

I also have an issue w/ the rumors on the site

I've seen so much misinformation/rumors spread around abt ppl and I'm sick of it

If I see something abt some1 and it's that bad I'll just str8 up go and ask them like "hey is what X is saying abt u true ?"

I won't go around spreading it unless it's confirmed or there's too much evidence surrounding that particular info 4 it 2 b false

I've personally seen rumors abt me such as that I'm a tcc (true crime community) member and that I'm an awfully rude person

The tcc rumor only popped up when I asked a certain bad person who's part of that community abt some rumor floating around abt them

Yes I admit I do like some crime cases but I'm not a part of the community

I've only interacted w/ ppl from that community a handful of times and I only know abt some cases

In order 2 b part of a community u have 2 b committed 2 it , active in it and u have 2 enjoy the community

I do not like tcc since from what I've seen abt it , it's a community that idolizes and worships horrible ppl who committed heinous activities

I would not enjoy being part of a space like that

Also I'm only rude 2 ppl if they're rude 2 me

I believe in treat others how u want 2 b treated

Maybe if they were actually a good person who treated others kindly I wouldn't b such a shit face 2 them

Anyways that's it of my yap ses I'm gonna go back 2 my important reblogging

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.4

I swear folks once I get this and the last part up I’m gonna condense it all

But yeah couldn’t resist some <3

Zhang and Wu Chat

Wu Xie: Um. I’m all done with the shower if you want a turn.

Zhang Qiling: I’m alright without one.

Wu Xie: sooo are you pissed at me still?

Zhang Qiling: ? I have not been angry with you since the ladder incident.

Wu Xie: you’ve barely said anything since the necklace thingy

Zhang Qiling: I believe it is a long-running joke amongst my friend group that I do not, in fact, say much.

Wu Xie: okay but there are multiple gouges in the tea house walls that would suggest you had somewhat strong feelings today

and I kinda caused the events that sparked said feelings

so just checking in you know

Zhang Qiling: I was not angry so much as I was afraid. More afraid than I’ve been in a long time.

Wu Xie: ??? But it has worked out fine??? Everyone made it out alive and Uncle Erbai gets to feel morally superior to the Zhang family for a while so today was a win overall

Zhang Qiling: I heard you scream. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t get to you right away. Therefore, I was afraid.

Wu Xie: ohhhhh. oh, Xiao Ge. It’s alright now—hey the necklace was actually helping u look out for me:) It’s not like those ppl were actually trying to hurt me, really. Your family isn’t so bad, at least you don’t have any uncles you know of

today was just some big misunderstandings wrapped in some poor life choices. Tbh my memoir title

I feel kind of stupid for screaming but when a glowing necklace wraps itself around your neck it’s a little uhoh moment lol

I did like the design tho def my aesthetic.

Zhang Qiling: I am pleased that it was able to protect you when I was not.

Wu Xie: Uh no you are not allowed to get all emo abt this it’s only like 3pm

damn time flies when it’s flashing before your eyes lol

Are you on the roof? You’re def on the roof. I thought I heard the tiles moving over my head. Come down or I’m coming up.

Zhang Qiling: I will be down in a moment. Do not come outside, it’s cold and raining.

Wu Xie: you know, Zhang Rishan said he thinks the necklace might be linked to you, somehow

something from long ago, even though you wouldn’t remember it.

It’s lucky that it liked me, huh:)

Zhang Qiling: Yes. Quite lucky.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: AWW LOOK AT HIM NAPPING ON YOUR SHOULDER SO CUTE. BEBES HAD A BIG DAY. YOU TWO ARE PRECIOUS. BE GOOD AND POSE FOR THE PICTURE NOW.

Zhang Qiling: No. Also, I am considering what steps I should take with Zhang Rishan. Regardless of his concern for the Zhang family line, his actions were unacceptable.

Wang Pangzi: HES DROOLING A LITTLE ON YOU WHICH IS LESS CUTE BUT I CAN CROP THAT PART

LOOK I KNOW YOURE STILL PISSED. IM NOT EXACTLY CALM MYSELF, I JUST HAVE WAYS TO SKIRT AROUND TIANZHENS BULLSHIT FILTER THAT YOU LACK

GET ON MY LEVEL

WU ERBAI WILL HANDLE IT, THINGS HAVE SETTLED I THINK

BUT ABOUT THAT NECKLACE

SO INTERESTING HMMM

Zhang Qiling: I am the patriarch of my family. The necklace behaved as I would, apparently, to protect a vulnerable family member. Wu Xie’s bad cold last week activated it, and it responded to a perceived danger to him today. Simple enough.

Wang Pangzi: UH HUH

A FAMILY MEMBER

THE NECKLACE REALLY SAID LOVE WINS

TOLKIEN COULD NEVER

Zhang Qiling: It protected him on a technicality. But I will not allow him to bear the burdens of my family ever again. It has taken so much from him already.

Wang Pangzi: YEAH SURE BLAH BLAH DESTINY BLAH BLAH ANGST

“A TECHNICALITY” WOW WHO SAID ROMANCE WAS DEAD

ANYHOO IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR UR WEDDING RECEPTION SLIDESHOW

YA KNOW DURING MY SPEECH

Friends of Wu Xie Support Group Chat

Hei Yangjing: you’re welcome for everything today<3 I accept PayPal, although of course it is always my honor to assist my friends:)

Wang Pangzi: WE ARENT PAYING YOU SHIT

Zhang Qiling: You did absolutely nothing.

Hei Yangjing: whoa whoa maybe I wasn’t threatening family members or busting up load-bearing walls like some undying divas I could name but I totes helped

or at least I was there for moral support maybe?

Zhang Qiling: The only reason I knew you were there at all was that as I lowered my blade from Zhang Rishan’s neck, I heard the camera click and saw you were taking a selfie making a peace sign, angled to have the two of us in the background.

Xie Yuchen: I saw it on social media just now. The caption is “#greatdaycatchingupwiththelads #blessed”

Wang Pangzi: TBH KIND OF JEALOUS I DIDNT THINK TO DO THAT

Hei Hangjing: okay yeah you see Xiao Ge that is a modern kind of help I should’ve known you wouldn’t be aware

It’s called performance, you wouldn’t understand

it’s a ‘Gram thing

Also it means I’m a great person

Bc letting you handle the situation was my gift to you

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie mentioned there is something called “blocking ppl” that gets them out of my phone.

Hei Yangjing: nah

Can’t trust that Wu Xie, bae can’t tell a coffin from an urn amirite

it’s not a thing, blocking

Xie Yuchen: It is a thing. I’ll show you later, Zhang Qiling.

Wang Pangzi: YOU BOYS GO GET CLEANED UP AND COME BY AROUND 9 I SNAGGED SOME OF ZHANG RISHANS BOOZE ON THE WAY OUT

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Hei Yangjing: you looked pretty comfortable in those handcuffs earlier ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Go to sleep, idiot.

Hei Yangjing: You’d have to do something to tire me out ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Are you like this around Wu Xie? Not that I care, I’m just asking.

Hei Yangjing: uh that’s a big nope

First off all Idk when I’ll die but Id prefer it to be on my terms and not at the hands of those other two

Secondly there is a part of me that remembers how adorable he was when he was younger and that makes it weird

(No offense but u were not adorable. He was bebe luke skywalker, you were bebe princess leia I am obvs Han Solo 4lyfe)

Also I’m a little scared that if i flirted with him and he flirted back he’d be better at it.

Xie Yuchen: All valid concerns.

Hei Yangjing: as cute as he is I don’t really wanna tap that.

Xie Yuchen: I see.

Hei Yangjing: do you tho

Main Chat

Wu Xie: okay folks who wants cocoa to top the evening off? I picked some up today:D

Wang Pangzi: UH YOU SPENT YOUR DAY BEING KIDNAPPED AND PLACATING A SENTIENT NECKLACE WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO GET GROCERIES

FRANKLY THATS INTIMIDATING

Wu Xie: the tea house gift shop:)

Wang Pangzi: …YOU BOUGHT COCOA FROM YOUR KIDNAPPERS. FROM THEIR GIFT SHOP. DURING YOUR KIDNAPPING.

WU XIE

WU XIE WHY

Wu Xie: I mean we were there the whole day, it felt impolite not to buy anything.

Wang Pangzi: OH RIGHT GREAT POINT ID HATE TO BE RUDE TO THEM AFTER THEY WENT TO THE TROUBLE OF ABDUCTING US

LISTEN WHEN PPL STEAL YOU IT BECOMES FREE REIGN ON THEIR SHIT

UGH YOU PROBABLY GOT A RECEIPT AND EVERYTHING

WAS UR LITTLE SHOPPING TRIP BEFORE OR AFTER THEY STUCK U IN A DUNGEON TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU

WAIT NVM I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT

Wu Xie: look, let’s focus on the positives/ we are all okay, and we learned something new, that necklace is still active! It’s really quite nice-looking when it isn’t moving of its own volition.

Wang Pangzi: YOU AND YOUR RELENTLESS DUCKING OPTIMISM

ZHANG QILING ARE YOU SEEING THIS

Zhang Qiling: I would love some cocoa. I’ll come to the kitchen.

Wu Xie: I have special marshmallows for you!!

Wang Pangzi: I SEE

WE ARE SUBSCRIBING TO THE PRESTIGIOUS “FUCK IT WHY NOT” SCHOOL OF THOT TONIGHT

LOL SURE LETS GO COCOA IT UP

IVE GOT SOMETHING STRONG TO POP IN IT

Wu Xie: Still thinking about that design… I’d love another chance to examine that necklace under less Zhangy circumstances.

Kinda sad we couldn’t borrow it to use for illnesses and dangerous missions :/

ah well it’s for the best, a family heirloom should be treasured, preserved and protected<3

Zhang Qiling: I put it on your dresser.

Wu Xie: ???????

Wang Pangzi: AND THATS WHY YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS, XIAOGE <3

Wu Xie: I—

Zhang Qiling: Are those bunny-shaped marshmallows for me?

[simothys]

@quaxorascal so i did immediately go to sleep after saying that (and then had the worst sleep i’ve probably ever had)

BUT. i have the post now. i got two scenes for Roxy and three scenes for Vincent that i rotate constantly. this is really long. you have been warned.

Roxanne

1) The Bridge

this was in the first arc whatsoever. and i feel like this is where I got a really good feel for who Roxanne Andromeda is. (for the more familiar with Eberron, our DM ran the module in the book for our first arc)

we had just been in a sky coach accident with a changeling impersonating Vilroy, Til’s childhood best friend. Dante dropped to 0, though Roxanne didn’t know this. And Roxanne dropped to the same bridge as the changeling, with the rest of the party on higher bridges. the changeling dipped into the crowd, and shifted. but Roxanne is all too familiar with that trick, and immediately picked them out of the crowd. she grabbed them and put a blade to their throat, holding them over the edge of the bridge.

they dropped their disguise, going to pure blankness. and my DM dropped the line of “they look exactly like you,” which fucked me up. interrogating them, she found that there was a trap lying in wait for them. after this, she drew her blade across their throat.

my DM begins to narrate, saying, “You pull the blade across their throat, and drop them into the city below.” and here, i stop him. because, no. that’s not what she would do.

instead of dropping this changeling, who could have been a family member of hers, into the city below. she pulled them back over the edge and rested them gently on the ground. and left, even as they bled, even as they said something intended for her.

(later we find out that that changeling has been marked as a danger to all changelings by the rest of the Tyrants/Web, and they let Roxanne and Til escape from Tarkanan as a favor for not killing them, and that’s when Roxanne realizes that the other changeling is marked for death.)

old art but this is something i never finished for that original scene

2) Mindfire

this requires a lot of setup to tell accurately. but basically Roxanne and Til split off to investigate a suspicious Red Cloak base. and fucked up bad. if u want the full story, feel free to ask for my notes from that sesh.

so they’re in an office, pretending to be interested recruits. the dude setting up the paperwork leaves to see a knock at the door, Roxanne gets a nat 20 int check to memorize the paperwork on his desk before he comes back (which we get some juicy goss from that).

when he comes back, his demeanor has changed. he knows who we are, and is pretending nothing is wrong. til wants to stay and investigate more, all of roxanne’s mental alarm bells are going off, and she tries to get out. but til is stubbornly firm in his ways, and roxy can’t leave him. when they both agree to stay a bit longer, the dude calls for Fairy to enter, and the dude leaves.

Fairy (full name Trafarius Dracmarius, bc our DM comes up with silly names when put on the spot) already nearly killed Orpheus. and knows far too much about the party for comfort. Til is pissed, and locks the door behind him, locking Roxanne, Til, and Fairy in a room. there’s some tense “negotiations”, aka Fairy runs fucking circles around Til in the conversation, and Roxanne is quiet. Til eventually draws his gun, and we roll initiative.

on Roxanne’s turn, she casts Dissonant Whispers. and this is when my DM goes, quietly, “Oh, I forgot you had that spell.” and im immediately afraid, because he asks me for a Wis Save as well. i’m confused, bc isn’t Fairy supposed to be the one rolling? but, no. I need to make one as well.

immediate nat 1.

(oh, the epic highs and lows of Roxanne Andromeda)

immediately she is knocked down to 1HP (from full health at 3rd level), and her mind is set alight. she knows exactly what this is. she was warned about it by Locrian in her Bard training.

spies in The Last War invented new kinds of mental protections, namely a homebrew spell known as Mindfire. it was forced upon all intelligence agents. if the target of a mind entering or psychic damage dealing spell has ever had Mindfire cast upon them, then both their and the caster’s minds are set on fire, as the spell attempts to burn out any information.

it’s bad. until next downtime, when Roxanne is able to get it healed, she has disadvantage on all Int and Wis checks, and must beat a DC 10 persuasion check when trying to cast any spell.

a little skip ahead, and Roxanne and Til are attempting to flee the building, with essentially the entire Cloakers force on their heels. Til is on the bottom floor, and Roxanne has been grappled on the second floor of the warehouse as they attempt to take her rapier from her. she breaks free to run to the railing, and Til spreads his arms to her, and asks her to jump, saying he will catch her.

my DM hits me with “You look down into his eyes, and you realize you’ve never trusted anyone like this. And you’re over the edge.”

(art from that!)

Vincent

1) “Vincent, you know three things.”

the monologue my DM did when Vincent was working out early in the morning. kills the me.

“Vincent, you know three things. One, you’re hungry. Two, it’s kind of cold. Maybe you should have brought a cloak. Three, it is too damn early to think about the capacity of magic in your life at 6:30 in the morning.”

magic is illegal in this setting so it’s a lot to think about.

2) “Wait, I have disarming attack now.”

Vincent and Zaz were sparring in the forest at night. He had just learned that Zaz was, in fact, a college of swords bard. not a fighter. And they sparred, no holds barred for the first time.

through Con checks, Vincent tired easily, but so did Zaz, and my DM asked how I thought Vincent shows that he’s done for the evening. and, well.

Vincent pulled Zaz in close with a disarming attack, pulling him in by the hand holding his rapier, and then pulled them both to the ground. before they hit the ground, Zaz blurted out a confession. a simple “I think I love you.”

(i technically have art for this one but it’s an old design of Zaz so maybe not)

3) Elathra

The first and (as of yet) only time Vincent killed an actual person, it wasn’t pretty. He grew up in Pangranos, so taking an animal’s life for food is no stranger to him. but a person? that was new.

we were fighting an artificer yuanti woman for our lives. she was dead set on killing all of us.

“Vincent, you do the one thing you were taught not to do. You hesitate.” when he killed her and she managed to succeed her death saves. (my DM rolled them all at once after Vincent got the killing blow for the narrative sexiness)

and

“Is [a murderer] all that you are?” “It’s all I can do, so it has to be.”

and

“You know how to kill snakes now.” when Vincent killed one of the snakes who was trying to kill Lukas, shortly after nearly failing to kill Elathra.

fucking kill me. i die every time.

Honorable Mention for Vincent:

Zaz crosses the dagger over his heart and holds out a pinky saying, “I promise I won’t melt down this dagger for the very pretty emerald in it.”

I cross my pinky over his and say, “I promise I’ll come back.”

this is only an honorable mention bc i forgot about it until I was looking for art but this one honestly should replace Vincent’s first one

[jelloopy]

TAZ Grad Ep 27

The boys are in front of the Godscar chasm  (This is spooky right off the bat lets see where this goes)

FUCK Argo rolled a 1 and is being strongly affected by the chasm he grabs onto Fitz’ shoulder for balance (Maplekeen shippers come get yall juice.)

T h e m u s i c (I will lose my mind as soon as this album is out good lord)

Argo is seeing himself attacking his boys? (Holy shit where is this going?)

IT WAS A FUCKING DREAM THANK FUCKING GOD (This better not be one of those things like Duck had in Amnesty I’ll fight.)

Griffin being pissed that he rolled a nat 20 on perception in a fucking dream and declaring that he’s withholding that until a more opportune time.

Uh oh…. Where are Firbolg and Fitz?

awe they left him a note! It’s okay!

GRAY BETTER BACK OFF IM ALREADY PISSED IM NOT EVEN 6 MIN INTO THE EPISODE AND IM ALREADY DONE. THIS MOTHER FUCKER NEEDS TO DIE AND QUICK. s t o p h u r t i n g a r g o 2 0 2 0

”That’s just dad’s inner monologue” that’s… awe come on “sorry my son came in here and said that bullshit” “awe Henry come on man” “being a bad son is genetic it seems” (Pure gold I love this family)

Sabor saying he was “somewhere else for a second” (does not give me the best vibes ngl…. Sabor’s p sus)

Justin’s new podcast law around Sabor and Firbolg. (Tbh I was a big fan of the slow arduous talking scenes but I will live I suppose…)

Sabor…………………… why are you so sus rn. Ur just tired. Stop being cryptic p l e a s e.

”I have been giving this much thought” “hell yes.”

FESTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE MUSIC CAME ON AND I BECAME INSTANTLY FERAL HOLY CRAP FESTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (I have been waiting for their return omfg)

”Would you like to party with the fairy’s?” “I need some sort of survival guarantee that I’ll make it through the evening” (This is an extremely viable request)

“Snippers don’t be like that…” “It’s okay I’m flattered!” (I need subtitles for Snippers p l e a s e)

“But this Lil guy is my familiar. He’s not the source of my magical powers, as far as I know… that would be a pretty late season twist.” “DAMNIT GRIFFIN YOU FIGURED IT OUT! All magic in Nua flows through snippers”

FESTO AND GORDY HAVE PARTIED TOGETHER WHAT A DUO (I need fanart of them STAT)

damnit they haven’t partied with Chaos

OH SHIT they don’t know about Fitzroy’s connection with Chaos

oop this is…. Oop. “if your source of magic is external you should not have been able to access it within the crypt.”

 “I also have a habit of delighting people” “HM!”

He lovingly refers to them as his “Boys”

“that wasn’t Argo that was your dad” “CLINT?! THE POWERFUL WIZARD!?” (Clint is truly a multidimensional and plane hopping wizard. We stan)

“we need a name for this multiverse that Clint Travels through” “How about the Clinterous” “TRAVIS. Honestly Travis! Are you fucking kidding me?!” (I………… why Travis… why)

Thank god they all use the restroom before they leave

Argo was literally stabbing in his sleep….?

Firbolg’s first pair of shorts! ‘N he enjoys them. V v happy with this

This means that Gray is actively in Argo’s mind, twisting what he hears! That’s dogshit he needs to stop (s t o p h u r t i n g a r g o 2 0 2 0)

Firbolg has yet to tell them about his dad’s passing and Fitz’ respects that. Argo on the other hand goes ahead and pries in on it.

(Fits their characters tbh)

“Are we just not going to class anymore?” “It’s all Virtual” (I had to stop and laugh for a good minute bc of the delivery by Justin. It got me)

Hero is in front of the Chasm… bb are you ok...

Fitz’ whistling to get Hero’s attention… (Fitz… he’s not a Dog anymore bud…)

Hero has been working up the courage to explore the Chasms! (Pls take him with you)

“you were a dog for a long time you think that you’d be used to people cleaning up your mess” it gets a smile out of hero AND Firby starts to dance! (I need all of the Firby cosplayers to make a TikTok with this and I need all artists to draw this stat. I need the dopamine p l e a s e)

“He does this any time he makes a slam dunk of a joke we just have to let him finish”

God I love when they back up for a min and do some good ol table talk

”I’m talking as a human being Justin Mcelroy father of two.”

“If you guys win a demon war? It’s at least an A-” “what would it take to get the A+?” “You could bring me a fruit basket” (The absolute Corruption… lmao)

Niceee Hero is gonna go work with Althea this is gonna be great.

Yes griffin giving that perception check NO CLINT WITH THAT FUCKING NAT 1 (Clint needs new dice that are blessed please)

Fitz sees Argo take out his blade and sees a look in his eyes. Firby sees it too. (aaaaaand I was right it was one of those “Duck” scenarios ….. damnit)

Firby uses thorn whip around Argo’s wrist and he doesn’t fight it. ( :(  )

Fitz insists that he goes into Argo’s mind to see what’s going on and Argo agrees but as Fitz gets near him he puts up a fight… (This is getting quite concerning)

FIRBOLG CASTS HOLD PERSON. HOLY SHIT. BRO. (I did not know he could do that… damn alright…)

Clint your VA is so good I adore you so much. (I just need to tell him that he is doing an amazing job. Pulling at my heartstrings constantly)

Maplekeen shippers come get your angst (I don’t ship it myself but I cannot imagine what the tags are gonna look like after this bc damn…)

CLINT YOU NEED TO FUCKING GET RID OF THAT D20 DUDE

Gray is in Argo’s mindscape. Mother FUCKER.

Fitz casts Thunderwave at Gray on-site and a Lil to cocky like Gray puts up a hand to block it but underestimates Fitz and goes flying about 10ft back (This is… mmmmm yes I’m very comfortable with the energy we’ve created in the studio today)

“Stop fucking cheating!” (YO HE CURSED REALLY WELL!!!!!! He’s learning!)

YEAH! THAT’S RIGHT MOTHER FUCKER BE SURPRISED BY FITZ AND RUN AWAY YOU COWARD (God I hate this dude)

“Festo wouldn’t do anything to hurt me” *silence* (Sus)

The portal in the Chasm... ever-growing… Opalescent being with white eyes...

ORDER?!

I’m very intrigued. I enjoy how Fitz is annoyed instead of angry most of the time. It really brings into perspective that this is kinda a useless war that doesn’t need to happen. That also the Warforged from the last episode was onto something with the question of “why six months?).

[i-dont-want-your-hysteria]

The Leppard Albums: A Summary

(inspired by Every Beatles Album)

Happy Saturday night everyone

The Def Leppard EP

Joe is 19 and just wants to ride a motorcycle okay

Groupie fantasy

Zeppelin lyrics meet Rush with an underappreciated bass line

On Though the Night

IT'S!!! ROCK!!! N ROLL!!! BABEY!!!

Joe is 20 and just really doesn't wanna work in a factory anymore okay

pls D; girl D; stop D; hiding D; your D; pain!!

another... groupie fantasy... I think? ...???

Leppard in Space

Joe is 20 and just wants to write something edgy okay leave him alone

STEVE 👏👏👏 FUCKING 👏👏👏 CLARK!!!! 👏👏🔥👏🔥👏👌👌

the original groupie fantasy but it's been re-recorded

girl?? make up?? your mind???

let's be mysteriously edgy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Zeppelin lyrics meets Rush but it's been re-recorded (but don't worry they still kept the underappreciated bass line)

High N Dry

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it

we have Mutt Lange now and this is the song that proves it

drONK TIEM

betcha didn't think we could write a ballad, did ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

STÊVË!!!!! 👏👏👏👏 FÜCKÎÑ!!!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏 C L Ã R K!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥👏👌👌🤙👏👌🔥👌🎉🎉

underappreciated and that's all there is to it

noooo don't go you're too mysterious and sexy hahhaha

oh god Dx oh god no Dx we don't sound like this anymore we swear Dx

betcha thought we stopped writing Beowulf-esque pop songs didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

🚫🚫⛔👎🚫🙅‍♂️👎🚫⛔🙅‍♂️⛔ *Joe tearing his throat up for 2 solid minutes*

Pyromania

IT'S ROCK!!!!!! N ROLL!!!! BABEY!!!!!!!1!!!!1!!1!! AGAIN!!!!! 😆😆😆

the Classic Rock Fandom™ in a nutshell 😓

INTRODUCING PHIL 👌👌👌 FUCKING👏👏 COLLEN 🔥🔥🔥

betcha thought we abandoned the idea of doing a ballad didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Joe's back at it again with the edgy songs and is getting a lot better at it too

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ∆ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Gunter 🙃 Glieben 🙃 Glauchen 🙃 Globen

the most underappreciated song on this whole entire fucking list sorry I don't make the rules

Alright, WHO in this band wants to be in a porno >:C

Joe's back at it yet again with the edgy songs but it's even BETTER this time

Hysteria

Girls Girls Girls ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS ANAKIN

🎸we!!! fucking!!! love!!!! glam rock!!!!!! and african drum rhythms!!!!!!!!!🥁

we're not furries we swear we're just kinky D: also fuck you DJs here's some false endings

we haven't made a ballad that HURTS yet so here we go (with an underappreciated bass line)

the song that invented "( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" (AKA when you cram for a test the minute before and end up getting 100%)

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)😏( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)😏( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

S T E V E 😭👏👏 F U C K I N 😭😭😭 C L A R K 👏👏👏😭👏😭

nooo don't shoot me you're too kinky hahaha

a song about rioting and being #punk, but the only crime the man singing it has ever committed was getting a speeding ticket when he was 19/20

oh. oh shit. oh god. holy shi- I can't believe... ...we just accidentally made the most perfect song to ever exist :o like seriously- people are achieving nirvana as we speak I'm not joking I think we went too far with the perfection this time guys

THIS SONG IS ABOUT S E X AND WE AIN'T BEING SHY ABOUT IT EITHER LET'S FUCKIN GO BABE-

Don't 👏 give 👏 me 👏 love 👏

Adrenalize

gkKLglldlflhlADKSLALLFLSS 😆😆😆

I fucking love my wife uWu

fkKMglgllsLLslgflephpGLDLPT 😆(͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)😆

We're just gonna get extremely romantic and passionate for 4 minutes and 3 seconds if that's alright with you (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

this album was the most painful thing any of us have ever had to do, so here's the most serious song we've ever done to date. Steve ✊ Fucking ✊ Clark ✊ -n-

now that our mental breakdown is over, we're gonna get extremely passionate and romantic again but for a lil longer this time aiight 🤙

one of us has a protection/ownership kink but we're not gonna tell you who

you know what this album needs? a little bit more pain

we're layin down the line (and by that we mean we want sex)

we're layin down the line pt.2 (we still want sex btw)

Retro Active

Beowulf songs are back babey 🤙

I'll say that again if I have to^

we!!! still!!! fucking!!! love!!!! glam rock!!!!! we even covered something to prove it!!!!!!

Joe has now officially mastered ballads

I fucking love my wife part 2: she's a badass top

While Joe was off mastering ballads, Phil studied the blade

We covered something else bc again!!! we fucking!!! love!!! glam!!!

We rewrote Joe's motorcycle song bc we now realize it was cringe af (and it was an excuse for Joe to talk to Ian Hunter so that made him happy)

Joe has now officially mastered edgy/serious songs

it's a total bop but oh god. No. Please. No. Oh God. No. Don't. Please. No. Pls. No. Oh god. Don't.

This should've been on Adrenalize and you can Fight Me On That

Phil studies the blade (electric version)

Joe masters ballads (electric version)

Vault (there's only one new song on here so that's all I'm doing)

babe nooooo D';

Slang

Epic edgelords part 1

Epic edgelords part 2: Phil wrote it this time

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it Volume 2: Electric Bugaloo

soft breakdown :'c

hOT DOGGITY DAMN JOE'S VOICE HOLY HELL TAKE ME N- *clears throat* I mean introducing Vivian Campbell :3 aND THERE'S A BASS SOLO MMMM 🤤🤤👌 THIS SONG IS JUST SEXY FUCKIN LIFT ME UP AND-

Phil's marriage isn't going too well

in fact, no one's marriages are going too well

severely underrated bop

We're still not over Steve's death and we never will be :c

Joe makes edgy ballads his bitch yet again 👏👏

severely underrated banger 🔥🔥🔥

Euphoria

wE STILL MAKE FAST BOPS IN CASE YOU FORGOT 🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘

Holy shit I didn't know Joe could hit a note that high

The 90s sucked for us but we'rE STILL HERE BICH 🖕

Can we pls give Sav more songwriting space on albums thx 😭💗

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it Volume 3: Even Sluttier This Time 😏

totally different from everything we've ever done and WE 👏 MADE IT 👏 OUR 👏 EDGY 👏 BITCH

uwu but it's sad so it's actually umu

partying like it's 1999- oh wait, it actually is 1999

*hugs Viv and scREEEEEEEEAAAMMS*

Phil studied the blade and attacks you with it

*gets escorted into the back of a police car* IM GUILTY!! I'M GUILTY!!! I'M NOT INNOCENT!!! 😫😫😫

whatever edginess we couldn't fit into Paper Sun we put into this song instead

we're entering the new millennium as Kings and there's nothing you can do about it 👑🖕

X (Ten)

Stand on a balcony at sunset when you listen to this one

(insert Vizzini saying "INCONCEIVABLE" here)

the big UwU

I got ghosted and it’s actually a lot more dark and depressing than I thought also I wish I was never awake

soft and edgy and sad acoustic dads

F-U-C-K SPELLS F- I mean L-O-V-E spells love uWu

babe nOOOooO I'm sorry I suck so much DD;

this sounds like out if Work It Out and Day After Day had a kid

we're gonna have a Funky Good Time whether you like it or not 😎

E D G E L O R D S 2 0 0 2

we can't decide if we want this album to be edgy or uwu so we're gonna make it both

the same passion as Tonight but less sexy and more (you guessed it) uwu

E D G E L O R D S 2 0 0 2 P A R T 2

Betcha thought our emo phase was over didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yeah!

bops have been and will ALWAYS be something we have mastered- even if the song we're playing isn't ours

SAV'S TIME TO SHINE

betcha thought we couldn't cover a Blondie song, did ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Phil's just getting nostalgic about London it's fine 👍

don't worry joe's still sCREAMIN

in which we make this song a million times better than the original

WE LOVE ROXY MUSIC SO MUCH WE CANTEXPLAINWEJUSTLOVEHEMRMFLGPHPH

we're letting Joe have his moment ok just let him have this 👨‍🎤

yeah we like Free- so whAT??

okay NOW we're letting Joe have his real moment- he's been waiting for this moment ever since he was like 12 okay just. let him. have this just. this one time. pls.

in which we confuse literally everyone by making them think this is a song that we wrote

we just need ONE more bop, okay? Just ONE more we swear then we'll stop being fanboys (for now...)

we'll be right back, it's Bow Down To Thin Lizzy Hour

*Phil tearing up his throat for 4 and a half solid minutes*

Songs From The Sparkle Lounge

this one's actually kinda dark and heavy? :o

honky tonk time 🤠🤙

FINALLY ONE OF SAV'S SONGS IS THE MOST POPULAR SONG OFF AN ALBUM 🙏🙏🙏🙏😩

FINALLY WE HAVE MORE SAV MATERIAL I LOVE IT SM ;∆; !!!!

Phil's songs are severely underrated tho pls give them more attention

it's time for one (1) badass religious song and if you don't like it then you can Fuck Off kindly 🙃

This whole album is "Songs That Were Written By Phil and Viv and Sav" heaven

I think sometimes people forget that we, even as a band, are fans of the Classic Rock Fandom™ too, and we feel the same pain as the other fans :'^)🤙

Joe's three minutes of fame on this album

Joe's three minutes of fame on this album part 2

Viv's songs are severely underrated tho pls give them more attention

Mirror Ball (bonus tracks)

we grabbed fate by the balls and screamed fUCK YOU 🖕🖕

We are still Kings™ in case anyone was wondering 👑🖕

✨PHIL BELIEVES!!!! IN!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!! AND!!!!!!!!!! BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!✨

Def Leppard (Self Titled 2015)

Is this song about playing a live show? Probably. Is it also about having a fight? Is it also about angry sex? The world may never know.

Okay this one just absolutely SLAPS, periodt.

bootleg Another One Bites The Dust

*SOBBING* THEY'RE ALL SINGING LEAD I'M-

being badass, That's The Power Of Love

don't worry, we still know how to be Poetically Edgy

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm *bump bump* hooked on a feeeeling

I've Got a Spiritual Romantic Boner

Can't Keep Away From The Flame edginess gets crossed with some Zeppelin charm and badassery

someone in this band is fucking piSSED 😠😠😠😠

we're gonna @ someone tonight fellas

sAV OH MY GOD BABYYYYY 😰😰😭😭😭😭 DO YOU NEED A HUG

what if we tried to cross newer Metallica with Nickelback 🤔

what if we turned this into We All Need Christmas three years from now... 🤔

Bonus: Personal Jesus/We All Need Christmas

Viv really wanted to cover ABBA but everyone said no so he settled for cowboy goth™ instead

What better man to write a warm and fuzzy Christmas song than the warm and fuzziest man alive (Sav)

[yourlocalslasher]

If you’re still doing request, could I have some slashers finding out their SO cheated?

ahhh fuck not angst im trying to eat my mac n cheese happily ;A; (this became so long im so sorry) (oH and Freddy ends up killing the s/o bc honestly that would happen so-)

Slashers finding out their s/o cheated

JASON

Jason had decided to come home early, flowers in hand, and a wooden ring with a white gemstone in his pocket. Today was the day.

When he arrived at the cottage, he saw a car that he knew most definitely wasn’t yours. This was suspicious...

He opened the door, dropping the bouquet of flowers when he saw the other man.

Your body was on the other man, the both of you lying on the couch. When you looked up, you knew immediately that you fucked up.

Apologetically, you jumped from the couch to retrieve the Jason that now stormed out into the woods, tears falling every which way down his face and mask.

That's when you saw the ring in his pocket fall out, and your heart skipped a beat.

He was going to propose....

And then you too started to cry, and you fell to the ground in the empty forest, clutching the ring to your chest. This was all a huge mess that you could have avoided...

His whole world is shaken now. He won’t eat. He won’t leave the old cottage. Now Jason spends his days sitting by his mothers severed head.

You’d run off, too upset to ever show your face in Jasons corner of New Jersey ever again.

You were furious with yourself. How could you do this? You loved Jason, and he was irreplaceable. He loved you with his whole heart and you went and crushed it.

Jason doesn’t even kill anymore. He intends to sit there until he rots into the ground. There's nothing worth doing anymore...

MICHAEL

Halloween had just happened yesterday, and Michael was overly exhausted. A bunch of new people had moved to Haddonfield this year, there were just so many targets.

He arrived home quite late and approached you in the kitchen. You were giggling and your eyes were glued to your phone.

Silently, he walked to you, hovering over your shoulder to see what the big deal was.

You were looking at selfies and pics a new guy had sent you, and didn’t realize Michael was right behind you. But you did notice when he snatched your phone from your unsuspecting hands.

Michael knew this was not him. These were not his texts. Why were you talking to this other man? He held the phone up high so only he could read it, ignoring your pleas to give it back.

Anger boiled inside him the farther he went, you’d sent provocative photos to this man, the man that was not him.

His grip on the phone tightened, bending the sides. Then he slammed it to the ground.

Your eyes widened, Michaels strong hand nearing your throat. Now there were tears in your eyes as you rethought all your horrible decisions. You should have known Michael was going to find out eventually, and be very mad.

As his hand wrapped around your throat, you excepted your fate. But you were surprised as he lifted you into the air, giving one last hard squeeze before dropping you to the ground.

Michael left promptly, walking to his old house in Haddonfield. You were left in the kitchen, holding your throat which had bright red marks on it. You couldn’t help but lie down slowly, crying to yourself when you realized Michael had just left you. Goddamnit, why couldn’t you just stay loyal.

He says to himself he doesn’t need you. He never has. You were simply another body to him. He can survive easily on his own.

But maybe...there’s just a little part of him...that wishes you were still with him...

BUBBA

It's nice to relax on a hot day in Texas, which is exactly what you and Bubba were doing. A sweet tea in hand, you laughed and talked with him, handing him a flower crown that you put together from the nearby bushes.

Bubba sat back with a smile, shoving the flower crown down onto his head. But in the distance, he could hear a truck, even though Drayton and the twins were sitting outback. Who could be stopping by?

As soon as you heard it, your eyes widened and you quickly set down your drink. You knew exactly who it was, and your heart rate went up when you saw Bubba follow you to the car pulling up.

He couldn't quite tell who it was, but he followed behind you, standing by your side when you stopped at the truck.

Even Drayton and the twins had stood and followed, and now your stomach was churning. Bubba waved at the man who stepped out of the truck, completely unaware the shit that was about to go down

“Please, not right now please can we talk another time-”

The man looked at you with a sneer, causing Bubba to cower behind you further as his smile faded.

“Who’s this babe?” When the man pulled you to his side, you saw Bubba cock his head. Who was this guy? Did he just call you ‘babe’?

Drayton and the twins stood with their arms folded by Bubba, looking confused. “More like who’r you.” Drayton spoke out. This was not going to be good.

“I’m y/n’s boyfriend. Nice to meet you.” You bit your lip, your eyes watering as you watched Bubba’s painful reaction. He stepped back, his lip quivering as he tilted his head again. Big puppy dog eyes stared back at you as your heart shattered.

And oh boy you could tell Drayton was BEYOND pissed. His cold expression glared at you as he took the now crying Bubba into his arms. Drayton normally would never hug Bubba, more or less stick up for him, But he was infuriated.

You knew Drayton was yelling at you, but all of a sudden everything went silent. Just static. Bubba was crying into the arm of Drayton while the twins were going along with whatever Drayton said. The other man had left in all the chaos, but you didn’t care.

You’d frantically ran inside, tears streaming down your face as you packed your bags. You couldn’t take it. The pitiful expression that never left Bubbas face would kill you if you stayed any longer.

As for Bubba, he no longer babbled excitedly, or smiled with giggles when something happened. All he could do was mope around, killing the very few intruders who came by. Nothing made him happy anymore.

He’d often cry himself to sleep, thinking only about you. For once he had trusted someone, loved someone, given them all he had, and now he wished he’d never been born.

FREDDY

You were dreaming about the other man, not even remembering Freddy had access to all of your dreams. As a matter of fact, you’d forgotten he existed.

Walking and talking with the other man, you went about your dream, carelessly smiling and laughing like your life wasn’t in danger.

Freddy had been watching for a good 15 minutes, and he was sick inside. How could you do such a thing. Even though he called you a bitch countless times, he still cared for you. He still loved you. You’d completely betrayed his trust. Eyes burning with rage and sadness, he huffed to himself before deciding to end it now.

Then you heard a distinct tapping noise. One that would have scared anyone else but you. You could tell that tapping from anywhere, its Fred. Oh fuck you’ve screwed up now.

You felt a certain feeling rush over you. It wasn’t fear, wasn’t anger, and it wasn’t sadness. It was guilt.

The shadow with a fedora disappeared, and instead, a real Freddy appeared between you and the other man.

“I should’a known a bitch like you would pull a stunt like this.” You looked to Freddy, about to apologize. He stopped you quickly.

“I don’t wanna hear it, you’re just another slut that I never shoulda trusted.” The audible pain in his gruff voice made your insides twist and ache. Suddenly, you didn’t want the other man. You just wanted Freddy. But the tears brimming at your eyes held you back for some reason.

He was just mad now. Losing the sadness, or even the jealousy, he just hated everyone and everything. Never again was he gonna love someone. It's just a big fat fucking mistake that ends in pain.

Drawing back his hand he effortlessly impaled the other man, who had been sleeping next to you in real life. Blood coated your face as you screamed, the tears that were pent up finally flowing down your face.

Freddy's head snapped towards you as he gritted his teeth, jamming the bloodied blades through your chest. He got sprayed with your blood, dropping your lifeless body to the ground.

It was over. You and the other man were gone. Dead. But for some reason, he didn’t feel any better. He felt worse.

Killing became a chore for him, his interest in killing teens almost faded. He didn’t need you though. Freddy doesn’t need an s/o. They all hurt him anyways...

[caandlelit]

dabihawks...wait for it....fake dating au

this is actually so appropriate 

no ones done this

but u all know exactly whats coming

(hawks is a scholarship student sent to a high class college bc the board got jealous of this really smart kid’s quote unquote ‘wasted potential’)

(dabi is a rich abusive business man’s eldest rebellious punk rock son)

so. hawks is walking to his next lecture when he sees a flyer on a noticeboard

“HELP. I am in need of a fake boyfriend to help me piss off my homophobic father when i go home for a family dinner. bonus points if you’re a delinquent and blatantly, ridiculously homosexual. payment in the best cookies you will ever have in your entire life”

*hawks voice* sounds like my kinda gig

he contacts him straight away

‘im always ready to piss off homophobes’

he meets up with dabi to discuss details at some hipster coffee shop called “tomuras’”

and immediately thinks

‘fuck hes hot’

yeah he has weirdass burns on his face what about it 

he has a deep sexy voice and tattoo sleeves and so many piercings hhh

and dabi sees him and immediately thinks

“aw hell fucking yeah he looks so gay and twinky I really hit the jackpot”

bc hawks is literally perfect for this

he has red wing tattoos on his shoulder blades

constantly wears rainbow patterned tanks and halter tops in order to show off the afore mentioned tattoos

and has multiple snapbacks that say ‘IM GAY’ one of which he is currently wearing

does that not scream homosexual

dabi is fucking delighted

okay so they have to work out the details of their ‘relationship’

dabis like, what do u think would have happened for us to kiss kiss fall in love

‘okay so I was thinking that it would have happened at a shitty hipster coffee shop, and I dont wanna name an actual coffee shop so lets just make one up lets call it like tomura’s or smth-’

dabi sNORTS

*distant shigaraki voice from behind the counter* fUCK OFF YOU BITCH ITS NOT HIPSTER OR SHITTY

‘yEAH IT IS GO FUCK YOURSELF’

*coughs* ‘anyways.’ 

dabis looking at him so fondly he’s in LOVE

‘you turned around with ur coffee and bumped into me, and you thought I was so hot that u spilled it all over me‘

dabi: *deadpans* I dunno man I feel like it’d be the other way around im way hotter than you

hawks: *whispers* hell fucking yeah you are holy shit those arms are killing me

*amused dabi voice* what

*panicked, painfully cracking hawks voice* nothing

they go with hawks’ story

bc in dabis words

“its so gay he’‘ll hate it”

when the day of the family dinner arrives hawks is super worried that he’ll end up not being sweet enough to rei or mix up dabi’s sibling’s names or ‘not be gay enough’

dabis lying on his dorm bed and watches lazily till he gets tired of hawks freaking out and throws a pillow at him to shut him up

gay pillowfight montage

they hit each other with hawks’ obnoxiously big pillows till feathers are flying everywhere and theyre giggling breathlessly

queue gay moment 

hawks ‘hey we should practice kissing’

“mhm we have to perfect it so its believable yknow”

‘so can we make out now’

‘yeah lets just get right into-mmph!”

dabi and hawks end up half and hour later then they were supposed to 

id say they were looking rumpled as all hell

but honestly thats dabis default

and its bold of you to assume hawks wouldn't waste even more time getting ready

hes wearing a pink tank top that says ’blatantly homosexual’ and skinny jeans

dabis wearing a leather jacket with many many many pride pins of the bisexual variety and a queen t-shirt

gotta stick to them “dabi listens to mainstream rock music” roots

(hawks suggested he dye his hair pink purple blue but he ultimately decides against it much to hawks’ disappointment)

so they come in and meet rei 

her hugs are amazing and make hawks feel so small and protected and cocooned in her warmth is this what a parent feels like

fuyumi; hello if you hurt my brother I will eviscerate you

hawks: dw id eviscerate me too 

fuyumi, grudgingly: good answer welcome to the family

dabi blushin rn

natsuo: hey big bro, hawks bro *fistbumps*

shouto: *chugs gatorade and t-poses* sup’

hawks: wh

*dabi voice* o h m y g o d I said just dont freak out my boyfriend thats all I asked of u assholes and what do you do you go and freak out my boyfriend I am disowning all of you-

hawks is staring at him with motherfucking heart-eyes

and then the whole happy everything is destroyed by endeav*r coming back from work

dabi slings and arm around hawks waist and ignores his blush, insufferably smug

”hello father this is my homosexual boyfriend we are homosexual and have homosexual sex”

hawks belatedly realizes that shit, he really likes it when dabi calls him his boyfriend which is a problem bc theyre not actually dating

so hes lowkey freaking out on the inside 

but he still plays his part to perfection

‘thankyou for being so accommodating, let me take ur jacket sir, ill put it next to my rainbow colored one over here’

endeavor is so pissed

and its glorious 

dabi is beside himself with glee at the dinner table as he is surrounded by his siblings

natsuo slurping soba loudly while staring directly at his dickhead dad 

and his mom is aloofly tuning them all out while in intense conversation with his sister about how society is bullshit and businessmen are disgusting

while fuyumi is sneakily scratching her fork against her plate to make a screeching sound which makes endeavores eye twitch every twenty seconds

and he is sitting next to and playing footsie under the table with his newly discovered love of his life 

whom he should probably

definitely

ask out after this whole thing

who is seemingly oblivious to endivores glaring and talking to him about how he’s so happy that he accepts his son for being gay and being generally so supportive of ‘us faggots’

endthevore is fuming and its fantastic

dabi intertwines his fingers with hawks and smiles and continues where he left off in his one sided conversation with shouto whos nodding and slurping determinedly (*wipes tear* ”i taught him well”) about the homosexual agenda as hawks silently tries to appear as if hes not having a heart attack beside him 

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

alright well i work best under pressure so given that i now have an hour and 20 minutes before i start a voice call with someone i think it’s the perfect time to do that one video analysis so i can actually start finishing up that maya post... man i really should’ve pumped that shit out earlier, but i kept procrastinating until we got new info. then more new info. and i mean we DO have lots of new updated info, bc i have a whole thing in there about Punk girl i gotta edit out now lmao

anyway

Zane Flynt? this trailer killed me, it’s the only thing i’ve watched all day. like. on repeat.

ive said it before and ill say it again, 3 months ago i call zane attractive on reddit and get ridiculed but then we find out he’s an irish bastard and everyone jumps on the fuck train

anyway

elpis is looking good and not explody/teleporty, so that’s always a good sign

so the locale plus the twang immediately had me thinking of lynchwood but that’s not right

the bar itself looks a lot like that mine area we see, so i’d be willing to guess it’s nearby, you know, if it’s an area in the game at all lmao

like the windows are similar plus the wood

the bar itself is giving me some mixed signals here, but im gonna bet it was taken over by the CoV from the crimson raiders (recruitment banner, but then the CoV logo is on the wall/screen over there)

That, plus the rose on the counter next to Zane seems sus

another mine looking building in the back

also lmao

it’s time to enter the BONEEEE ZONNEEE

no more DAHL dumpsters? F

okay this area looks super familiar

that plus the varkids, this is 100% the same place as this

which is interesting

looks like Zane’s been hanging out on Pandora for a while... kinda upset we didn’t hear about his brothers at all in this trailer, but it was still fuckin hilarious and well worth the wait

those canisters? vats? look like the ones near the burger launcher vid hang on

also some in the back here

so yeah more than likely the same area

also

`lines up the perfect shot`

`completely missed both shots`

lovey, bravo, champagne, sloooow clap

anyway i’d wager this is an old dahl mining camp? probably mining for iridium

you can see the 

conveyor belt thingie here

and also all the minecarts and rails are very reminiscent of the caustic caverns

which probably would have dropped iridium into the vat below it, if said vat wasn’t tipped over onto its side

more shots of the building he’s in

closeup of the rails. which, weird as it sounds, is really great to see because sometimes in bl2 and even tps when you got super close up to a texture, it wouldn’t look too hot, even on the best settings. the textures in 3 are so CRISP i love them

varkid 🤮 i hate bugs. model looks fantastic tho! i just... hate bugs

see the camera is flipped upside down, so miles this cultist is not falling, he’s rising- he’s being lifted up

how nice

im getting percy jackson flashbacks here. this is 100% how clarisse shoved percy into the toilet, right?

with the way the cultist isn’t even trying to get out im afraid zane just shoved a corpse into the dook hut. i mean all the power to ya, man

he’s stuck

also

this building in the back is new

i won’t say it

you know what im thinking

i won’t say it

i promise

~smile~

there’s also what i think is a smiley face sticker on the wall to his right

water physics lookin fine 👌

also the way zane jumps back. bonelesspotter i know you read these, are you picking up what i’m putting down?

MAGIC CUP MAGIC CUP ALL HAIL

see the lack of drink is supposed to parallel hi s lack of companio- im sorry hahahaaha i can’t do this

rose. it’s a SIGN

there’s so much going on in the background here lemme just

im sitting here like >:( because i know i’ve seen that type of wall before and for the life of me can’t remember where

my brain is screaming sanctuary

the actual middle piece looks super familiar

is that what they attach the out of bounds turrets to? possibly.

this bit

also it looks like there’s a dam or something in the back back?

tbh im a lot more interested in the skyway all the way at the top, it reminds me a lot of bloodshot ramparts

cuz it also used to be a skyway

also zane is doing his pose for the main menu screen of the game

and i would say it’s possible this could’ve been the main menu, but the cliff is different, and there’s supposed to be a boxcar/shipping crate on the right (as when u go to options it moves over to it)

more vats! what is the deal with this mine? why is it featured so heavily in this video gearbox tell me your s e c r e t s

you’d think, with zane being the one who’s been around the proverbial block over his years, he’d be on multiple planets throughout his entire trailer. but like 80% of it is pandora. maybe the other VHs are getting featured on other planets? at least he has a reason to be on pandora outside of the main story (maybe looking for his brothers, maybe trying to piss on their graves, who knows)

i don’t know what he’s reaching for but uh

perhapeth the blades are activated by swinging his arm out? could be a hold over from when they were like... actual metal blades and needed to be knocked out into position

i love that he returns the wave after shoving this guy off the cliff

it’s not like he can see you man

go off i guess though

some bar on eden-6 (finally! a new planet!) also i like that the theme here is zane getting into fights in bars. good shit boys

get wrecked kid

i really like the design of this building. i love the windows. maybe part of jakobs manor? looks like maybe it’s a greenhouse or smth given it’s in this garden/courtyard area

which should look somewhat familiar

looks very similar to this area, but it doesn’t look like there’s a building on the left in this shot. maybe they added it in for the trailer 🤷‍♂️

the trees behind the big one (and next to the iron wrought fence) match up perfectly tho

i just really like this shot ngl

i love these fuckign expressions i cant

Friend

okay im sorry here’s a smiley boy

the facial animations are so fucking good this time around

that is all i am doing.

just appreciating the new animations.

SOMEONE HELP THIS TINY MAN HE’S TRAPPED IN A SQUARE

fuck dude we didn’t deserve this man

MAGIC CUP MAGIC CUP ALL HAIL

seriously tho, the glass is gone. idk where it went. im just gonna pretend he was practicing that one iconic Kingsman scene while talking to himself and providing us with flashbacks

manners.

maketh.

man.

also this is my new favorite reaction image

it’s ‘perfect in every way’

you want more booze?

what are your thoughts on the new guns?

where’d you hide the body?

(it’s in the dumpster)

also unlike the magic cup

the rose is still here

Cultist coming to see why the windows of their bar are glowing neon yellow and blue im sure

>shit

it’s cool to know the clone can actually emote

given in the So Happy Together it was basically an expressionless blue demon

still no cup. all hail

some more CoV graffiti!

boops

i am sad we didn’t get to see zoomer in this video at all

zoomer is cute

i like zoomer

anyway

that’s all for the trailer folks

i love the implication that he’s just sitting in this empty CoV bar, talking to himself, waiting for someone to notice and come confront him so he can kick their asses.

anyway this post 100% wasn’t an excuse to rewatch the entire trailer frame by frame or anything

maya post coming soon! wahoo

also i have 10 minutes left lmao nice

[scintillating-galaxias]

give ‘em hell, darling

Chapter Two—Step 1

Sandalphon appears to read Aziraphale his charges and to collect him from Earth.

(read it here on ao3!)

“An’, get this angel.”

“What?”

“She told ‘im, ‘nothin’ wrong with the economy, just get your arse up and find a job!’” Crowley hooted loudly, sloshing a considerable amount of wine down the fist gripping the stem of the glass. Aziraphale, glassy-eyed, miracled it back into the cup. “An’ she hasn’t worked in years! ”

Aziraphale shook his head, tutting. “What did you do?”

“Nicked her credit card and left it for the bum.”

“Crowley…! Alright, I would have given him money anyway. Stealing from the rich, giving to the poor, or something like that.”

“See, you get it.”

A very sharp rapping on the door rudely interrupted Crowley’s drunken rendition of a fool he had made out of a woman on the street criticizing a homeless man.

“Someone’s here,” said Crowley after a minute.

“Obviously,” said Aziraphale. “Doors don’t knock themselves.”

“No, I bloody well know that!” hissed Crowley, drunkenness slurring his vigilance. “Someone’s here! Aren’t you closed right now?” He stiffened abruptly, nostrils flaring slightly. “I can feel it—someone holy. Smells like bleach.”

Oh, dear. Murmuring some very mild curses, Aziraphale quickly sent the alcohol in his system back into the bottles and then told the bottles to return to the dusty cabinets from which they came. He straightened his bow-tie and after he swallowed dryly, called, “One moment, please!”

“What the Heaven do they want? I thought you said they’d leave us alone!” hissed Crowley. He had sobered himself up as well and was agitatedly pacing back and forth, shooting poisonous looks at the closed door, which shuddered fearfully in its doorframe.

“I’m not sure,” Aziraphale said. 

“We’ve wasted enough time already,” said a sharp voice, laced with—glee? That couldn’t be good. Aziraphale pushed down his growing concern and made for the door. “Open up. I know you’re not—ah.”

“Good day, Sandalphon,” Aziraphale greeted tersely. “What business brings you to Earth?”

“You,” Sandalphon answered with a grin that was too wide to be natural. His gold-teeth, hardly having to be changed for his human appearance, glinted. He produced a stack of papers and brandished them. “You’re being recalled to Heaven.”

The shot of dread that fired through Aziraphale’s body made him feel weak-kneed. He resisted stumbling by sheer force of will and managed to coolly ask, “Why?”

Sandalphon stepped inside the room without invitation. He glanced derisively about, empty eyes moving derisively from Aziraphale’s dusty shelf of not-for-sale (read: favorite) books, to the antique rug, and finally, to Crowley, who curled his lip and let his forked tongue flicked menacingly. “Your performance lately has been lacking,” Sandalphon said, refocusing his stony stare on Aziraphale. “Heaven has decided you’re no longer the best suited for this job.”

Crowley snorted ungracefully while Aziraphale blinked disbelievingly.

“You’re kidding,” said Crowley. “Was there another angel who’s secretly been on Earth this whole time?”

“Am I—Am I being fired?” Aziraphale asked incredulously.

Sandalphon’s plastic grin stretched wider, somehow. “No. You’re being recalled. You should be fired, but this is the next most appropriate action to take.”

“That’s not—Never mind.” Aziraphale discreetly wiped his hands on the backside of his coat. “What about my, erm, performance has been failing?”

Sandalphon gestured to Crowley. “Obviously,” he said shortly, “ that has not been permanently banished to the deepest pits of Hell.”

Aziraphale bristled as Crowley loudly said, “I am right here. ”

“And,” Sandalphon continued, unperturbed, “your reports have been disappointingly lackluster. You’ve reported nearly the exact same interactions with humanity from this particular part of the world for the last year, and the year prior to that, and the year prior to that. And the two hundred before that.” He sighed in the morose manner you’d expect from a greedy boss denying you a raise. “Our expectations for you have simply not been met.”

Azirphale gritted his teeth and forced out, “May I see exactly what expectations you are referring to?”

To his surprise, Sandalphon actually handed over the papers. Aziraphale took them, staring suspiciously at first at Sandalphon, then the papers. Crowley’s lip curled as Sandalphon pointed out a paragraph on the first page.

“You’ll see here that the terms to your assignment are laid out quite clearly,” he said. Lines began to highlight themselves in golden light, obviously larger points of discussion. Aziraphale scowled. He filed his own taxes to the point of investigation by the British government, for Heaven’s sake, he knew how to read the small-print. The light only served to amplify the bleak blackness of the curling Enochian. “To begin, you were given the task of protecting the humans of the Garden of Eden from Evil. This included the terrible temptation of Eve.” Sandalphon shot Crowley a nasty look. He shrugged unapologetically. “You were charged with a Holy Blade of Flame by the Almighty to assist you in this task. However, you lost it mere week later, and it ended up in the hands of the one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, War.”

“It—That was to help the humans! It was in the name of good!” Aziraphale did not like where this was going. “It was cold. I could not send them back into the Garden after their ejection by the Almighty—but I had to do something.”

“Which brings me to my next point…”

Crowley rolled his eyes. Aziraphale could only grit his teeth and listen as Sandalphon went down a list of his apparent misdemeanors with excruciating detail and slowness. Being unable to keep peace in a small village teeming with anger over a corrupt political situation in 2200 BC, allowing said political situation to become corrupt, warning families of a blight in 13 AD, healing people who Heaven wanted dead in 403 AD, miracling people to full recovery during the Bubonic Plague, and, most recently—

“You’ve been observed to be indulging greatly in the sin of gluttony—”

“Now, just one minute,” Aziraphale interrupted, beginning to feel panicked. 

Sandalphon’s smile turned sour. “Angels can’t sin. This goes without saying. However, you’ve clearly proven yourself to be something else ever since that little stunt with the Hellfire. We don’t know what you are. Obviously not Fallen, but you’re not Unfallen, either. Gluttony is a sin no matter what you are. It’s only appropriate we treat it as such.”

Aziraphale froze. Beside him, Crowley had also gone still. Crowley had recounted exactly what had happened to him while he was in Heaven, including Uriel’s disgusted comment of, “What is he?” Evidently, it had not gone unnoticed. Admittedly, it was a rather logical question to ask. But Aziraphale couldn’t answer, “I don’t know either,” and he couldn’t explain what he and Crowley had done to escape extinction. That would only tell Heaven they could try again, and get the results they wanted this time. He swallowed and said nothing at all.

“So,” drawled Sandalphon, “the sin of gluttony. Gabriel noticed you partaking in some Earthly food while he was here. You explained it was for your human disguise. However, you’ve been recorded sullying your heavenly body with gross matter for centuries now. You don’t need to eat. Therefore, anything you consume can be considered excessive and unnecessarily.”

“That’s bollocks,” Crowley cut in. Both angels turned to him, Sandalphon in annoyance, Aziraphale in surprise.

“What?” said Sandalphon.

“That’s wrong,” Crowley said impatiently. “I’m the demon here, I should know what sin is. Gluttony’s supposed to be, y’know, an excess of food or wealth or whatever withheld from the needy. Sure, he eats a lot for an angel”—Crowley pulled his face into a ‘well, what can I say?’ frown—“ans he eats every day like most humans do. But he’s never sat around and ate big ol’ honeyed hams and wine all day while telling the poor people to piss off. I would know; I’ve been, erm, adversary-ing him for six thousand years.”

Thank you, cried Aziraphale internally, but Sandalphon was not impressed.

“Then what of these books?” he said at once. “Surely you don’t think we haven’t noticed the way he hoards these things. They are a symbol of status he refuses to part with, even for the innocent human pursuit of knowledge.”

“That’s different! Humans don’t need books the same way they need food.”

“Fine,” Sandalphon said with great reluctance. “The food is excluded. Then do tell me, demon; what is the reasoning for his reluctancy?” 

Sandalphon turned to Aziraphale, who had gone quite pale.

“Their contents would be wasted on them,” he said. “It would be a tragedy, really.” He wanted to say collectors only bought them for the name, but he knew that wasn’t true; most collectors were just like him, in reality. The only difference is that Aziraphale has been there, living the events that inspired the legendary books of their times. There was no experience like it. Any modern day collectors were simply grasping for a way to experience a past they never could live. And for as long as a story is passed around humanity, it is eventually lost in the mess. As long as they were with Aziraphale, they were safe.

Sandalphon raised an eyebrow. His bald head was shining in the lamplight. “You wouldn’t even spare that moment of joy for a human? They don’t have forever to indulge themselves.” Sandalphon took Aziraphale’s guilty press of his lips as a victory. His eyes shone triumphantly. “Do you have anything to say for yourself, Principality?”

Aziraphale blinked once and let all pretenses of politeness slide off of his face. “Nothing you would sincerely listen to.”

“Aziraphale!” Crowley whirled on him, gripping Aziraphale’s forearm in one hand and gesturing furiously with the other. “Wha’—You can’t just go with him!” he snapped. “There’s—You haven’t hardly got to make a case for yourself!”

Aziraphale forced a weak smile for Crowley. He patted his bony hand gently. “It’s looking like I’m having little choice in the matter, my dear.”

“Hell, even Hell at least has a jury!”

“Yes, well… this is Heaven after all.” Aziraphale leveled an icy glare at Sandalphon who shifted uncomfortably. “They can do no wrong. Can they.”

“No,” Sandalphon said airily, sounding severely less confident. His mouth opened to say something else, only it opened, and then nothing at all came out. In fact, it stayed perfectly still, as did the rest of the room; the dust motes froze mid-flight, the swaying of Sandalphon’s trench-coat was caught in a dramatic turn—

“Crowley?”

“Aziraphale, they can’t take you again!” Crowley had a snarl on his face as he angrily waved his hands in the air. “They brought a demon last time for the Hellfire, they’ll bring another to—to torture you, or something! You won’t last a second! Or they’ll find you over to Hell itself—!” 

“I’m tougher than you think,” Aziraphale assured him gently.

Crowley’s face crumpled. “I want to believe you, angel, I do. But this is Heaven’s punishments we’re talking about.”

Aziraphale’s heart ached at the fear in Crowley’s voice. He took Crowley’s cold hand and folded it tightly in his own two hands, holding it against his chest. “I understand your concern, my dear. But I’ll be alright. They’re operating out of fear, at the moment, I’m sure.”

Crowley furiously shook his head and wrapped his other hand around Aziraphale’s, gripping it as though he would vanish right then and there. Which, Aziraphale thought grimly, he very well might be. “It doesn’t matter what they’re operating out of! They want to get rid of you—”

“That may be so. But I think that Heaven is being a tad ambitious,” Aziraphale said primly. 

Crowley stared at him. Then he took off his sunglasses to really drive in the disbelief shining in his—entirely yellow, Aziraphale noted guiltily—eyes. “Aziraphale, what are you saying?”

“There is no such thing as luck,” he said delicately. It was not a coincidence I found a scrap of prophecy that happened to be exactly what we needed to live another day.”

Crowley’s pupils narrowed to thin lines. “I, you, wh—gh? Can you even hear yourself right now? You think—? Come on, after all of this, you really think She— ?”

The room had slowly begun to move again. Crowley’s miracle was wearing off. 

“How can you be so sure?” he finally asked.

“Crowley, listen to me,” Aziraphale said lowly. “I honestly cannot say I know what they will do. Your guesses are as good as mine. But I know Heaven, and I am not stupid. They don’t believe the failure of the Great Plan was a part of the Ineffable Plan. They’re searching for someone to blame, and, well, I’m a prime candidate.”

“Then they should take me too!” Crowley said indignantly. “I’d rather be trapped in Heaven with you than be on an Earth without you.” Aziraphale’s cheeks grew faintly warm at the intensity and genuinity of that statement, but he had to focus right now. He shoved the tidal wave of adoration towards Crowley as hard as he could and hoped he would feel it.

The sway of Sandalphon’s coat has reached its apex and was now falling the other way.

“The feeling is mutual,” he said honestly. “Heaven does not care for Earth as much as they do about the War. But they do care about what will happen to Earth if Hell is given free-range. They won’t leave you alone. If—when—they take me, they’ll send another angel in my place.”

Crowley made a disgusted sound. 

“Heaven does not appreciate the wonderful stories and intricacies of this place; I believe it is why they were so eager for the end of the world. And if they do send another in my place, it is under the assumption they can use any stuffy old angel to replace me. That anyone can appreciate humanity as I do. Crowley— you need to prove them wrong. ”

Crowley was always a particularly cunning demon. His distressed face went through a complicated series of emotions before ending on a positively, if slightly wobbly, serpentine grin. “And how should I do that, angel?” he purred.

The completely random thought of kissing Crowley dramatically before the miracle ended flirted intensely with Aziraphale. Startled, Aziraphale found himself leaning in to growl, “Give them hell, darling,” and then the miracle’s lifespan was up.

Sandalphon looked incredibly displeased.

“You’re only delaying the inevitable,” he said snidely.

“I delayed the ineffable,” Aziraphale corrected. Sandalphon narrowed his eyes. “Well? Go on, then. List my charges.”

Sandalphon tapped his foot on the ground and the pages went flying back into his outstretched fingers. “It is with these words that I charge thee, Principality Aziraphale, Angel of the First Order of the Lowest Hierarchy, Guardian of the Eastern Gate…”

Aziraphale stopped paying attention as the list of his crimes ( crimes, he thought with a mental eyeroll, this was ridiculous) was read. He nudged Crowley, and hoped the brief contact was enough to convey, I’ll be okay, we’ll be okay, I promise I’ll come back. I won’t leave you behind.

“I still hate this,” murmured Crowley, low enough to go unnoticed by Sandalphon.

Aziraphale gnawed his cheek—a nervous habit gained after reading the phrase from a book and trying to figure out what it meant. “It is not ideal,” he said back just as quietly. He smiled tightly when Sandalphon glanced at him. “But I believe it won’t be long,” he continued. “I’ll be back before you know it. Two shakes of a lamb’s tail.” 

“...two thousand, seven hundred, and thirty-three accounts of gluttony…”

“Yeesh. You’d get a commendation from Hell for that one.”

“Hush, you.”

Finally, after what felt like a day's worth of monotonous droning, Sandalphon lowered the papers. “Given this evidence, Heaven no longer sees you fit to be the angelic representative of Earth. You will be recalled to Heaven until given further notice, and during this time, Heaven will proceed with any necessary actions. Do you have any questions?”

Aziraphale made a show of looking cowed. “May I say goodbye?”

“To who? The demon?”

“Humans question things when a regularity in their life vanishes without imaginable reason.”

Sandalphon nodded after a very obvious hesitation. “You have one hour.”

And he vanished in a great crackle of lightning. Aziraphale slouched, unaware of how tightly he’d been holding himself up. Crowley squeezed his tense shoulder.

“I should get going,” said Aziraphale. “Clock’s ticking. Will you mind the bookshop for me while I’m gone?”

“‘Course.”

“If anyone asks, I’m on a business trip.” Crowley nodded, a pinched expression crossing his face. “What is it, Crowley?”

He didn’t answer for a pronounced moment. “Just—Don’t do anything stupid, angel.”

“I’ll miss you too, my dear.”

An hour later, after he had exhausted himself teleporting around London hastily explaining his absence to the restaurants he frequented, his manicurist, the bakeries, making phone calls, and leaving voicemails for would-be buyers of his books, Aziraphale was gone.