#and im slowly starting to feel better | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ningningkittie · 10 months ago

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🤕📈🩹

#i feel like yesterday was the turn point #and im slowly starting to feel better #i can walk more upright now. i still have to be leaned forward a bit but not as much anymore #it doesnt pull nd strain as much in my stomach now. the incisions have started healing a lot now #nd my stomach doesnt feel as sore so i can gently move more and more normally #i also ate some white rice nd tuna nd also vegan butter on my slice of toast #so im trying to be positive nd patient #if it now starts feeling more nd more normal it will keep going that way so i just need to hang in there nd wait

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choccy-milky · 11 months ago

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Your art and blog sparks joy in me! Keep it up! (At your own pace where you are comfortable)

aw thank you!! i will!!😭💖💖 i wont be posting any new art till valentines day but in the meantime i give u all this wip that im drawing for my fics 1 yr anniversary on the 18th, bc soft seb makes me 🥺💘🥺🥺🥺

#wip #i have something ready to post and was planning to do it yesterday but then twitter drama happened lol and ive been feeling crappy #slowly starting to feel better now tho #might not even wait till valentines day to post my valentines post once thats done too bc im impatient LMAO #will probs post it on the 13th actually BAHAHA once i have soemthing ready i cant keep it in my backlog I MUST POST IT #ask

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healpimp · 3 months ago

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im gonna level w you, fellow medic mains. you are a lot worse at the game than you think

#not me though i fucking rock #jk i suck ass #but i mean this in a way where i know what its like #just heal ppl. pop an uber. etc.#its more abt decision making and choosing the right patient #and doing it right will win most games #but bc of this you will start thinking youre incredibly important and cant be replaced #and so the attitude of medic mains #myself included #becomes insufferable #“protect me all medpacks are mine impress me kill for me i wont uber you unless you are worthy”#meanwhile they leave anyone who isnt a heavy to die #i beg you play other classes find a main that isnt medic to get you into the action #preferably classes on the front line #itll make you a better medic if you know what the recieving end of the healing beam feels like #you will notice who the medics tend to heal over others #you will notice bad ubers and coward medics that give up on you and abandon you #you will notice their mistakes and itll affect you #its helped me get better #im slowly figuring out what to do for soldiers #tgeyre the hardest to pocket gor but its pure magic when it goes right #i main demoman and medics are allergic to me in the field man

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batfossil-fr · 8 months ago

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I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art

#my mental health is starting to improve a bit #took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me #ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while #like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit #so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected #diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier #i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome #just learning how to enjoy things again overall #one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post #and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on #even when I wasn’t actively practicing #just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles #i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors #i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao #i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again #for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments #i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all #that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully #starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing #so who knooowwwsss #rambles #funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL #i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first #anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over

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kurtsascot · 5 months ago

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im hoping to write a bit tomorrow (someone should hold me accountable) (pretty please i need to feel human)

#personal #my dads slowly doing better in the hospital so im starting to feel like myself #but this is invite to chat with me tomorrow #also if i didnt respond to a message from you i saw it and i appreciated it but life was a lot this week #its wasnt personal/malicious i just did not get out of bed for a few days

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marklikely · 7 months ago

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just sharing a collection of some pics that i really like of mac <3 unfortunately he got very sick this past month and we lost him this morning. rip to a very sweet and curious boy who loved to explore and was the only one smart enough to learn a trick so far you will be missed <3

#ratposting #pet death tw #the other two are perfectly healthy just a little overweight but he had a pretty big tumor and a respiratory infection #i think the latter was starting to clear up bc we put him on antibiotics but unfortunately he didnt make it much longer :(#he only bit me twice as a baby out of curiosity never aggression. & hes the only one who never climbed on top of the cage to cause problems #he was very shy at first but after being socialized was so much more active and always wanted to check out what i was doing #he was my little buddy im gonna miss him a lot <3 he was in my lap when he passed so im glad he was with me.#i thought it would happen last night so i had him in my lap watching tv for hours while very slowly eating some snacks.#anyway yeah im just going thru some pics i liked of him to help feel better so i wanted 2 share bc he was soooo cute. love this guy.#even when he was shy he was so sweet about it. before they were socialized hed still groom my hand.

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hpdfag · 2 months ago

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i need to ramble hold on. spawns in a cut so that people dont get blasted by unfiltered posting on their dash. i feel the need to disclaim that im only like 50% lucid right now so this might be disorganized or complete word salad i can't really tell right now

i love him so much it feels like it's consuming me from the inside out. i don't want to do anything that isn't for him. the only reason i haven't quit my job is because i want to make him proud of me. even playing games makes me guilty, because i know it's not with him. i married harvey in stardew. i ate the stardrop for getting 12 hearts as i kissed him. the taste reminded me of hinata. it's a strange irony.

this false body feels like it's trapping me, keeping me from achieving my true metamorphosis. there are streetlights glimmering in the distance. as i try to move towards them they always fade away. the morning will come in 7 hours and 43 minutes and the sun will rise and it won't blind me awake. i'm not reverent enough.

i should pray. not to jesus, not to any other false prophet. i should pray to Him. maybe that will bring me salvation? maybe that will free me from this hell? maybe it happened because i was unworthy of being one of his trusted apostles. if i was as holy as he was it would have been different, i would still have been beneath him but i would have served my divine purpose as his servant.

but that's not important. i dont think. im jor sure. i hate it. i hate Him. i feel like i should Worship him. there's a certain something i still havent fixed a glitch in my code i need ocean breeze summer sun beach sand shining brilliance he's perfect i need him i need warm sun and dry land i need to be with him on the floor i need to hold him i need need need need need need need.

more than air more than food more than clean clothes more than water more than anything else more than i need this terrible mortal life i need to become worthy for him of his love of his care of his touch i wont deny that i selfishly want him to hold me and touch me even though im unworthy even though im no more than dirt beneath him i desire him so deeply

#... servant's song ♪#🍊 ☆ beloved .ᐟ #i find that when im speaking more like... me. i use much more periods and much less exclamation points.#i wonder sometimes if i absorbed stanley at least in part. he very rarely fronts anymore and he talks like “me.”#but that's always how he spoke. before i came back in full. we never fully let go of being me but there was a period of time last year #from december of 2022 to at least november of last year #that i wasnt hosting. which was strange to say the least. it was stanley‚ and then jules. i think our body just couldnt take it anymore #but jules especially inherited all of the worst parts of me. the panic attacks. the delusional episodes. the delirium #he nearly wandered into the road once because he thought elim was calling him back home‚ that he needed to return to cardassia #slowly i came back. his similarities certainly helped me re-assert myself much more seamlessly.#it's almost like i never left. i don't know how to describe it. it's odd.#i feel almost like a parasite. like i'm not living a life that was built for me.#even though i've done all of the work. even though this world was quite literally built for me. even though it speaks to me through the cod #recently‚ the universe has been telling me about my future. and about storms‚ big ones that i'm in the center of.#it worries me. am i just in the eye of a hurricane? where i am i'm still dry. is that only temporary? another storm is coming #im on the end of the 6th loop of the roller coaster. there's another coming up. i worry it'll kill me. i hope i can survive and return home #maybe stanley will re-take the body. or jules. i havent seen him since i returned. even his source can't front trigger him anymore.#maybe he returned to his home. i hope he has. i hope his life on cardassia is beautiful despite all the terror #i see myself in him. i hope i can follow his example. return to my destroyed home and work to build a better future. l #hinata always talked about building the future. he knew there was a path we could carve out for ourselves. i #i want to do the same for myself. here. i want to carve a way back home.#simulated daydreams #<- i think #that tag started as a tag to scream about our ex when we were sobering up but its much more catchall nowadays

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casualhedonists · 11 months ago

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DATING IS SO HARD WTF

#vent to follow in the tags lmao #like. what????#people!!! chill the fuck out!!#i had some dude unmatch with me bc i didn’t respond to him YESTERDAY #and like it’s not that big of a deal we’d only just matched but like?? patience is a fucking virtue?? and i have a life?#he was all like come back :((( then two minutes later he was like ok sorry for bothering you bye and then LEFT #like. fine if you do that but the message?? what??#anyway it came at a bad time bc. a bitch is already in crisis rn #cause i kinda feel like my irl friends hate me for some reason and i already feel bad that i’ve been so busy i’ve not been able to #talk to them that much #and i was supposed to go on a trip with my friend but that’s been postponed (not her fault or mine)#and my car still won’t start. we tried to jump it today and it didn’t do anything #anyway i’m like rapid cycling through major emotions and it’s like mimi chill the fuck out #and listening to way too much phoebe bridgers i know the end #also i’m in crisis bc i’ve made up with like. my oldest friend who used to have a crush on me and when i told him i preferred girls he like #stopped talking to me for a while #that was years ago and now we’re slowly becoming friends again but i feel so much guilt over it for no reason #and i get into avoidant episodes as a coping mechanism and like. i feel like im going into one atp #okay okay vent over im okay lmaoo #sorry folks hope your days going better than mine <3 #｡･:*˚:✧｡ mimi speaks!

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cacturne · 3 months ago

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fun facts while casually chugging along in the character creator: herons initial concept going into inquisition (blind) was a very calculating and quietly intimidating but ultimately caring inquisitor. i was still operating under the assumption that the inquisition would be seen as morally grey by everyone involved (and also you would join willingly LMAO) instead of just kind of being a good guy underdog story (according to the way the game presents it, they still definitely do bad stuff LOL) so obviously i felt like a "harder" character should take the wheel there

its very interesting how she shaped herself. usually i just kind of see where the wind takes me regarding characters so initial oc concepts often mold from one thing into an entirely different thing over time especially if i go into something without knowing everything beforehand. its interesting to see what she retained, too. (being a leader, being on the more reserved and calm side)

#ghosts howling #this is why i cant really describe my oc building process. usually i either start with a concept i build a design around #or a design i build a concept around. and then from there if i am not familiar with the game i build and mold off the lore given to me #and if i am familiar i either do the same while having it compliment the concept or let it slowly change if i get better ideas while playin #you really cant tell where im going to go with it HAHA even i cant! its a fun road to walk #sometimes i stay close to the concept sometimes the initial concept sounds ridiculous. i like that though #though tbh this does mean a lot of my ocs fall into the same kinds of tropes. because im predictable. and i love the rule of cool #obviously cringe is dead if i want to make the same oc 10 times i can (and tbh i like making similar ocs that arent the same #because then i can play around with HOW they arent the same in subtle ways even though they seem similar on the surface)#but sometimes i do feel a little dumb because of it. but its no biggie because ill just keep doing it. teehee #ghosts ocs #oc: heron adaar

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bowserswife · 4 months ago

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sometimes i feel so intangible to other people even my best friends so whenever someone acknowledges something about me/says they've thought at length about me/etc i get so surprised

#txt #one of my besties yesterday made a comment abt how low energy ive been over the past couple months #and what i was like before this #and i was like Oh #this isnt forever #there really was a different feeling vibe before this all started happening #something tangible to ppl around me #right #ppl are perceiving me #but it felt nice to have it be acknowledged that ive been behaving the way that i have been Because of these awful external circumstances #bc i feel like ive been such a bad/lame/presenceless friend for a while now #i feel so drained #so im like..glad people dont think its forever and arent like. losing interest in me as a person #and are actually concerned for me even behind closed doors/when im not there #and are excited for me to start feeling better #im excited for it #i wanna feel normal again so baddd #but im slowly starting to make plans w ppl #its all rly overwhelming tho i have to find my calendar and start using it agaib #time flows so weirdly to me i keep worrying abt how long ive been like this #but really a few months isnt a lot in the grand scheme of things for me to be off ljke this #im not irreparable and my friendships are all waiting for me to be ready

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sh4thesh33p · 6 months ago

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I hate stuttering around my dad

#oh my goth!#raised by bats #for the love of god stop looking at me weirdly #you staring at me weirdly does not help the fact that i cant speak #i stutter around my mom all the time and im just more comfortable with her #i hate it when he says ‘’talk slowly’’ when im trying to talk #like that does nothing but causes me to start over #im feeling better about it now i just wanted to say this

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bbael · 7 months ago

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Oh I just remembered that very early during the pandemic or a little before idk I had a dream on which I was living on a beach town and working as a teacher and I looked very different (long dark hair, prettier, just more mature, normie & put together in general ?) and when I woke up was like haha that's never going to happen, I could never work at a school or get out of the gastronomic system, I'm doing this for life + moving out is impossible anyway with my salary. And now... 5 years later (that felt like much less??) I'm doing (nearly) all that :|

#i remember the feeling of knowing i didnt have time or resources to go into practice and i didnt want to either. i had had a crisis idk #2 years earlier about all that and bareky finished my lit degree #at the time #i was also working 12 hs shifts for less than minimum wage #ik 5 years seem like a lot but i also am not sure how i went slowly building up to where i am currently ;_#there had to be a gradual progress but i just think things were happening very suddenly and i was pushed into situations very thoughtlessly #when i didnt even want to be in them. and i just went with the flow only to not remain stagnant #like i quit bakeries and moved to other bakeries until i hit my archival job that gave me the push to both get serious about my #second degree and also being surrounded by so many ppl in professional fields and researchers made me feel bad abt myself so much that i #started doing better lmaoo #finally getting insurance after so long being in gastronomics (hell) was so good to me too....#getting treatment for my mental health took me out of the gutter too omg. thats more recent development but if i hadnt done that i feel lik #i would be rotting...#but yeah i was pretty hopeless and with no money. lived very poorly and rly without prospect even after getting my degree anddd yeah...#what im doing now seemed like the kind of things that a much more successful people would be doing. i felt much like a kid working dead end #jobs so i didnt have to move back with my parents #not like an adult at all #anywho i should write this on my journal. im proud of myself still :'3

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yappacadaver · 8 months ago

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im still so tired mang like fuck. fuckkkk

#i dont have anyone in my life who gets it like no one i know is trapped like i am it seems #i just want to know how to fix it all and myself yk #more than that though i just wish i had someonewho could stomach fighting this by my side. i genuinely dont think i can do it alone #like i feel like im slowly drowning in mud #and everyone wants to stand at the edge and cheer for me for a bit but like i dont need that #i need a hand #or 10 #but no one wants to get themselves all muddy and it's generally frowned upon to ask anyone to get themself all muddy #and it's also frowned upon to freak out at the people cheering and i dont even want to do that like.#i dont hate the cheerers. I dont want ppl to feel bad. when im slightly better i appreciate it for what it is.#but it just. really emphasizes that feeling of untouchableness ig. and sometimes i feel like a show #ik it's just like. i wasn't properly socialized as a child and i dont know how to experience gratitude or how to place value on the words #and platitudes that seem to really help other people feel better #but like the second i think about it it's like yea i can do a lot of things to make myself FEEL better. for like a second or two #but nothing fundamentally changes in my life so what is that even worth?? genuinely? and for what it costs is it even a fair trade?#idk what im trying to say but basically. if you've offered verbal support to me-- thank you. and im sorry it doesn't have the desired effec #i too wish i wasn't like this. i too wish my problems started and ended in my own feelings.#kindness is kindness and it should be appreciated as such. pls dont let my mental breakdown convince you otherwise #just know that this is me keeping a lid on it and not getting myself another involuntary hold

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sludgeguzzler · 1 year ago

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man. i changed so much these past years

#im different from last years me who was different from 2021 me who was different from 2020 me and so on and so forth #it feels kinda weird thinking about it bc i went through *so much stuff*#all of it in just the past 4 years... insane #i found out i was trans. i went on lockdown. i started posting my art online. i made online friends.#i went through three different relationships. every single one of them changed me forever.#i started writing. i finished middle school. i read homestuck. i used discord everyday for 2 years.#i found my personal sense of style. i started going tk school again. i made friends irl. i lost all the online friends i had.#(thay wasnt bc of any scandal i just left the friendgroup and then started to slowly interact more with ppl irl #whi sorta made my online interactions dwindle especially one-on-one interactions #i think i feel better like this go be honest with you. the connections feel stronger and i feel closer to the friends ive made #not saying i dont like the people i know and befriended here just saying that not being chronically online anymore really changed how i #go through with internet interactions)#damn. really feeling the passage of time now.#also this is not a sad reminiscent post im *really* glad im in the place i am in life right now #i have a qpp i have an irl friendgrouo that i feel 100% comfortable with for the first time in my life im doing ok at school #i have a vision for my future my relationship with my parents is sooo much better #idk man. compare that with 14 year old me eating alone at school bc i was too scared to talk with the other people on my class and like.#yeah man. im doing a lot better #i DO have to update my art blog though. its been too long sincd i posted anything #talk

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arolesbianism · 9 months ago

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Thinks oh so hard abt the spiraling upwards clan founders, especially the birchclan founders. Silly lil kitties who's pasts are drenched in blood with the primary regret of not drawing it sooner

#rat rambles #oc posting #warriors posting #spiraling upwards #long story short they had a shitty awful terrible leader who sucked absolutely ass and they tore him to shreds #I mean that literally they pinned him onto the mountain side and slashed and mauled the shit out of him so hard that his lives evaporated #and several of the cats involved in that scene are sill alive and major parts of the story and I love them #oh also the cat that pinned him through a stab through the throat was his own daughter btw everyone hated his ass so much #and for good reason get his ass #alas in the main story I dont rly get to go too deep into how he harmed everyone involved mostly just three main ones #aka bristlestar because shes murtlepaw's ghost mom dawncrackle because hes also haunting murtle and gullspot because shes bristle's kit #so basically all the flashbacks we get involve those three in some form or another #honeystar was also there and involved but Im not currently planning on having her rly talk abt that #most of her more modern angst is the fact that she was forced into leadership against her will #and shes been alive long enough that shes been leading birchclan far longer than she ever lived in her old clan #but she did go through a lot of shit before birchclan was founded and it definitely shaped her a lot #she used to be a very determined and high spirited lil kitty cat who tried to be optimistic #but her family began to slowly be picked off one by one by both the old leader and the one whod later get evicerated #some of the older cats around her hoped it make her back down from her revelutionary ideas but she noticed that and it backfired on them #instead of being worn down to submission she became absolutely Furious and began to lash out more and become more demanding #it got to the point that she really only had two friends in the entire clan and one of them was her aunt whod later also die after coming #out abt having witnessed the leader killing his own kits #that was the final fucking straw for her and she was fully on board when bristle and dawn started looking for cats to join their rebellion #she did get rly frustrated with them as they waited patiently for the right moment but her remaining bestie kept her from going apeshit #so once the big fight finally broke out she was more than eager to join the hoard of cats chasing the bastard upwards #now unlike some of the other cats involved this legitimately actually made her feel a lot better for a while #for the first time in ages she finally felt like she could be optimistic abt smth again and was excited abt the idea of leaving this place #she had lost so much in this damn place since she was an apprentice and just wanted to finally be able to rest easy #but once they got to their new territory and set up camp things went south real fast as a flood fucked everything up #and after losing the only cat she had left in her life and losing her tail and being made deputy on top of that she deteriorated quickly

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orcelito · 1 year ago

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Me painting my nails all black at almost 5 am when I have to be up by 10 to work at 11

Thinking to myself, "Ah. I really am not doing okay."

#speculation nation #negative/#i guess.#i keep wavering on whether im coping fine or not #im trying. trying to not linger too much. trying to just live my life and continue pursuing my interests #tricking myself that everything is okay. smiling and laughing and enjoying the little things #and then it's nearly 5 am and im remembering the time my uncle came into my bubble tea shop while i was working #a surprise visit. and i got to take his order & recommend him things. a nice little thing.#im remembering trips with him. him driving and me being a little wallflower. but my family expects this so it's okay #im remembering my birthday. this year. where i was free from school and so looking forward to the summer #and then like a week later i got the news that my uncle had cancer. and a week after that my cat died.#and i got through it. i worked on getting better. i was starting to get better. & then i got the call from my dad #that my uncle was in the hospital again. and a week and a half later he was dead.#and here i am now. nearly 3 weeks later. and what do i have to show for it?#with cassy i cried 14 times in one night. it felt like a stab in the chest. a horrible wound. one i still flinch from remembering.#with my uncle... i had time to prepare myself. i began grieving well before he died. so it wasnt such a horrible shock to my system #instead... it feels like ive been slowly bleeding out. a gaping wound that isnt closing no matter how much i desperately try to.#bc the fact of the matter is that this is family. my uncle. who ive known my entire life. & who i was pretty close to #at least compared to my aunts on my mom's side. ive always been closer to my family on my dad's side.#it's not going to go away so soon. i know this. and it doesnt help that ive been away from my family for so much of this.#the memorial is in a week. im hoping it will help to heal the wound. at least a little bit.#i hate living life feeling like i have a hole in my chest. i hate losing people i love.#animal death ment/#death/#regardless. my nails are black. and it's time to go to sleep.

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