#and im guessing this is his way of getting even better at that
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HEYYYY SO WHEN YOU SAY YOU WRITE FOR LEAGUE OF LEGENDS. DOES THAT INCLUDE ARCANE??? I ABSOLUTELY NWED SOME DUBCON IDEAS WITH VIKTOR CAUSE HE MAKES ME SUDDENLY FEEL THINGS
Ah HELLLOOO FELLOW VIKTOR ENJOYER!!!!
yes! I do also write for arcane!!!! I should probably tag that and update the post so people don't think im league exclusive hegefkfifk
Dubious consent warning and since this is dom reader we are the perpetrator. Nothing highly explicit till I see if I get crucified with mild.
I guess for dubcon he really is the most appealing aside from puppy boy Jayce who could be manipulated by a sunny afternoon breeze. Specifically 30 age range Viktor as that's when his ego took a plummet and so did his sharper walls and self assurance. Literally the two people that gave Viktor the time of day ended up being his endgame so that right off the bat tells you how susceptible Viktor is to tender love and care and most of all appreciation for his mind.
However this is a porn post and we will not be going into his genius but rather his pants.
I really think it'd be easy to be a perv with Viktor's belongings. Once he's focused on that HexCore it's basically free range to move about. Yes he's listening intently to his surroundings even when hyper focused as we see when he already heard sky come in, but he's not looking. You can do anything really at that point no matter what he thinks he hears. That can be from stealing pens, discarded notes, old cups he's drunk from, etc. I think you'd even get away with a bit of self gratification while viewing him from behind if you can be quiet. Even handing him contaminated things without him realizing as he could care less about the state of his tools that have had so many non organic residues on them before. Not like he can tell the difference without breaking his precious concentration. Not only that but he's hardly ever not in the lab so snooping around his room and other places he's been in is a breeze. Especially since you can hear him coming with the steel toe of his brace and his crutch on the floors and make a break for it. You might even make a break for it with a pair of boxers if you are that bold and want to upgrade to clothing. Just don't steal his crutch while he's awake 😭
We also see that Viktor is shockingly receptive with physical touch. Both from people he doesn't know that well, to people he does! He doesn't even show shock to some gestures when Jayce touches him which means that if someone is a frequent flyer in touching him, he grows used to it. I feel like that can be used in selfish ways to feel him up and even try and encourage sexual responses from him. I think it could be fun pushing how far his acceptance goes before he realizes your intentions. And I think it's just fun to slowly corrupt his brain into thinking thigh touches from you are okay in a professional setting and that ass grabs are just accidents. Plus he'd be lying if getting a spontaneous shoulder massage every now and then doesn't feel wonderful for his tension headaches. Even if your hands eventually linger on the screw heads in his spine or catch on his back and shoulder brace. Or even brush around to his neck and chest more than a few times. Especially if you play it off like he's the filthy one for responding that way, or offended he'd even think you'd take advantage of him, he won't dare get suspicious of you. just Hell he might even start returning it if you have a big enough friendly and positively welcoming energy. Even if he is initially uncomfortable/ repulsed about the whole thing, if done right and with just the right amount of feigned innocence he gradually will lose the apprehension. Time and patience is definitely a thing for conditioning Viktor where Jayce is practically pre-trained.
Anyways I think this is my first dubcon post so only two for now given I'm testing waters with what I like and how raunchy I'm willing to go! This is also my first arcane post so hi I better get a 'this is my first impression of you' comment.
#arcane#viktor arcane#viktor x reader#Viktor VIKTORR viktoooorr#viktor nation#dom reader#dubcon#god we love pathetic wet cat men who obviously yearn for validation and importance#cute Viktor gif to guilt you into thinking such shameful things about him#(totally not to entice no sir)#skyvik and jayvik if you squint#moreso jayvik given he was more touchy than sky was cause my girl shy.#corruption k!nk#stealing belongings#Viktor
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Since Christmas eve is in t-minus 2 hours and 19 minutes, hcs for curly celebrating Christmas at the Curtis house?? Why is here there? Idk but he is!!
i made it to new jersey for christmas i am cold, tired, and ready to go
ik im late bc it IS christmas eve now but shhhhh
•ok look curly was rlly only over at their house for the heat, his house is already cold but around christmas its gets even chillier and he hates it, god damn it the curtis house better spare SOME heat
•may b the only time hes asking to sleep in the same bed as soda AND b in the middle of them so they can share body heat or somethin bc this cold is ridiculous man, scoot over curly was born in a tropical place he hates the cold so bad
•”hey have u tried THIS in ur hot chocolate” and its just some bs even he hasnt tried, he just wants to fuck up someones drink and see how crowded that cup can get he likes watching them force themselves drink it to not waste anything but its the curtis gang its also plausible they would drink it bc its actually good but it taste like shit to everyone else
•he pretended to b santa and kept patting his lap for pony to sit on it and tell “santa what he wanted for christmas”. backfired on him though bc two bit sat on his lap IMMEDIATELY after and hes wayyyy too heavy for curly, curlys legs felt like pure tv static afterwards
•hes so damn nosey, he likes snooping under the tree and trying to find out what everyone got, his hand has to get smacked away
•if its cold enough, hes totally licked a pole and had a bet w two and steve to see who could stay in the longest, he won but it almost costed him his tongue and near second degree burns to his face w boiling water from trying to get it off
•being around the curtis family being all familial makes curly feel bad about his own family so when theyre doing their own thing, curly shuffles his way outta there till hes pulled back in (by darry or pony mainly)
•since curlys a surprise guest, the gang try to get him a last minute present (rlly pony was gonna give it to him later but they all decided to just put their name on the gift and say it was from all of em, curly guessed it was from pony but admires the thought process they got goin
•the curtis gang still do elf on the shelf and curlys part of the duo who puts the poor elf in sexual positions, ur neverrrrr gonna guess who the other one is (its two bit)
•curly puts of parody of christmas carols, at first ur thinking “oh wow hes gonna sing such a classic song thats nice” and he fixes his lips to say the worst lyrics u will hear its mortifying, god forbid its modern time and u give him the speakers hes making everyone in the neighborhood listen
•it doesnt snow much in tulsa if ever but look curlys never seen snow for YEARS of his life, if its snowing outside he doesnt care how cold it is, he wants to go outside to mess around in it a lil bit, hes gotten a lil sick from it the day after cause he wasnt wearing his jacket which is rare but aye he had a lil bit of fun!! thats gonna wear off eventually tho, snow WILL lose its novelty
•most of his time is spent watching tv christmas specials, hes used to not rlly getting anything on christmas and theres nothing to do outside and the house is comfortable enough, ik his ass imprinted on that couch
•on top of that he controls the radio, the gang gotta give curly his flowers, he knows the good stations and songs, even if he didnt hes hogging the hell out of it
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Ride 730: “Handicap”
Pag 1
1: I saw Imaizumi-san and Sugimoto-san, a third years pair!!
2: They're currently the fastest, now starting the 20th lap!!
3: Amazing!!
Woah
Already... 100km!?
Pag 2
1: A buddies battle, huh....
2: They thought about it too
Hahaha
Chasing them there's the pair of Onoda-san and Naruko-san!
3: They had an handicap for the first 40km but are gradually catching up
Amazing!
We're just watching them but it's so exciting!!
Oi, you two, don't take a rest and run too!!
Ye-yes, Gorizou-senpai!!
4: Last year, Teshima he broke up the “team of two” for himself
And he also separated Danchiku and Kaburagi, who were first years
5: He wanted to increase individual power
Pag 3
1: This year, on the comtrary, you paired them up and made them run together
2: Can't you raise your pace more, Nogaki!
I'm doing my best!
3: If we overdo it from the beginning, then we'll have nothing left
But if they open a gap then we won't be able to cover the distance
4: Two people having to run as a pair means that when there are different opinions the'll of course end up arguing
5: You won't know until they try finishing the whole 1000km, but-
Hahaha
Naruko, Onoda, Imaizumi.... this training camp is the answer that you learned through participating twice in the Inter High
That's right
6: You can overcome troubles and difficulties through cooperation and reach a successful conclusion....
Pag 4
1: The “buddies”
Pag 5
1: Are the smallest unit of “team Sohoku that supports each other”!!
Pag 7
1: We're goin ahead, Hotshot, kakaka
2: Ah... sorry I was late today, Imaizumi-kun
It's nothing, don't worry about it
3: There was a guy along the way.....
4: He brings it up every time he passes us, but- “a guy”, I couldn't hear, what guy
5: Those two have passed us many times since earlier...!!
There's a 40km margin, so of course they haven't closed it all
Pag 8
1: It's probably the time to start worrying about them!!
Imaizumi!!
2: From now on we need some kind of plan.... those two are fast!!
Will it be okay if we don't come up with a plan!?
3: Yeah, don't worry, we have a margin
They won't surpass us if we keep going at this pace
Ye... ah, you're so calm, as expected of you, Imaizumi
4: With those two, Onoda pulls them on the climbs, and Naruko pulls on the flats...
5: They're the most efficient pair!!
6: We entered the climb, so I'm going ahead, Naruko-kun!!
Yeah!!
Pag 9
1: Oruaaaagh!!
2: “Efficient”....?
3: That's how you see it? Sugimoto
5: You say they work well perfectly well together
7: Hahaha, more.... more, Onoda-kun!! Raise it...!! The climbing pace!!
Pag 10
1: If you think so, then your eyes are bad
3: Alright, let's raise the pace of another 10%!!
Oruaaaaagh
Waaaa, they're so fast!
Pag 11
1: It's the complete opposite of what you said
It's a shame
2: Onoda raises his paces on climbs, and Naruko manages to cling to him
Oruaaaagh
4: Then, it's the opposite on the flats
5: The climb is finally over, so I'm going ahead, Onoda-kun
6: Once, during training camp we were blocked with an “equipment handicap”
7: Now
8: They're carrying each other like that burden
Onoda on the flats.... and Naruko on the climbs!! Now....
Pag 12
1: It's a “human handicap”!!
Fly and follow me, Onoda-kun!!
O... okay!!
2: So fast... as expected, Naruko-kun is so fast!!
3: Come on, you're dropping your pace!!
5: Yeah
Pag 13
1: Let's keep going like this!!
Kakaka
2: So there's this kind of use too, in this buddies system!!
3: “Human handicap”....!!
5: To “become stronger”.....!!
Those two are still trying to become stronger
Before the training camp, I also tried to prepare in my own way, but
Pag 14
1: Maybe I've been too complacent.....!!
3: I- Imaizumi!!
Sorry, the things you're saying now, I'm only noticing them now, and now!!
4: What are you even doing Sugimoto Terufumi!! You know it, this training camp has been to get stronger since the beginning!!
5: My eyes really are bad!!
7: I'm not on you guys' level so there are many things I don't notice
I'm still not satisfied!!
Pag 15
1: Oh, he realized it
2: If it were the you from some time ago, you would have made up some excuses
I- I noticed, I'm an experienced cyclist, so of course I don't have bad eyes
3: So, please, tell me, Imaizumi!!
Everything about what I'm lacking, for the whole time!! For these whole four days!!
I think I've prepared enough for this training camp
4: I've already thrown away my pride a long time ago!!
Pag 16
1: That's why the “Sohoku jersey” that you gave me, I left it at home!!
3: The next time I'll put on that jersey it will be as a regular!! When I will become the sixth member and run in the Inter High with you, Imaizumi!!
5: I see. Then it's going to be a challenging four days
Yeah, exactly!!
Pag 17
1: Let's go, Sugimoto!!
Yeah!!
2: I'll also become stronger in this training camp!! Imaizumi, no matter what kind of opponent will come at me, I will!!
3: So that I'll be able to run om that stage with you!!
5: Sugimoto.... in my cold way of speaking, I... think you're powerless
6: I also have to get stronger during these four days
I have a margin that Onoda and Naruko can't close, and I plan on reaching the goal faster than anyone else
7: Eventually, you'll fall behind
Pag 18
1: I'll take the “powerless you” and run 1000km!! That's the “human handicap” I chose for myself!!
Pag 19
1: End of the first day of training camp
Ahhh I'm so tired!
Ah, my legs, my legs hurt....
Ahh, I can't walk
2: The senpai are walking so quickly!
Incredible!
4: Teeeh....
Guaa....
5: As expected... training camp is so hard...
Waaaa, the world is spinning...
And tomorrow.... too? Kinaka-kun
Yeah!! Rokudai
Ughh...
Distance covered on the first day: Imaizumi and Sugimoto, 250km
Pag 20
1: Kaburagi and Danchiku, respectively 250km and 240km
Sugimoto Sadatoki, Gorizou, Sawada, and the third year Kawada, all retired
3: Onoda and Naruko, 225km and 250km
4: My back....
My neck....
My legs....
It hurts
The first years
5: Rokudai and Kinaka, 180km
Several other people reached the goal sefely
#yowamushi pedal#yowapeda#yowamushi pedal manga#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal translations#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 730#this chap is so interesting????#at this point im not sure what onoda and naruko's strategy is???#but also naruko isnt all that bad on climbing and we saw that already since he turned into an all rounder#and im guessing this is his way of getting even better at that#and also#its time for onoda to get better on flats lmao#then... sugimoto#on one hand reading him saying all those thing about getting stronger and all made me think that hell prolly go to the ih#but then imaizumi...... the way he thinks about it its like he knows already that sugimoto wont make it#(which tbh bitch behaviour lmao classic imaizumi#imaizumi be like: i love sugimoto with all my heart but he kinda sucks at cycling and im not gonna lie about it)#so hmmmmmm#and then theres the first years who are so behind everyone else.....#tbh im like 99%sure at least roku-chan will make the team#this whole training camp arc is so stressing what is watanabe doing to uuuuuus#(on another note tho i laughed so hard at kawada dropping off already aasdsadfdsgdf)
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pouring one out for luo binghe in my disciple SQQ fic, poor guy has taken a backseat here. we're nearly 30k words deep and he hasn't even shown his face once. it'll be much longer before he even actually talks to Shen Qingqiu.
(i say im pouring one out but in reality im sitting in my director's chair chewing on a cigar and wearing a beret as he tearily and unsuccessfully pleads with me for more scenes with Shen Qingqiu)
#svsss#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#SQQ: building his found family on QJP and Plotting#LBH: idk off sniffing rocks somewhere while on one of his protagonist adventures#i say im pouring one out for him but in reality im laughing at him. sorry my guy you are just NOT my priority. be a better peak lord#tell your disciples to stop with the institutionalized peak hierarchy and the internal political intrigue and MAYBE we'll talk#oh he cant hear me he's wearing airpods. welp. *stares at LQG and YQY* more SQQ time for you then!#its funny because i do love bingqiu i just decided to write a fic exploring a roleswap concept i saw where LBH wasnt a good peak lord#and the concept itself didnt explore what consequences might occur if LBH was as inactive a PL as LQG was before redeeming him#like if BZP can go lord of the flies while unsupervised what happens if you leave QJP the same way?? political court intrigue and sabotage#being the protagonist and going on many adventures is great and all.... if you aren't tied down with the responsibilities of a peak lord.#binghe. binghe. binghe. binghe. your head disciple has instated a hierarchy on your peak and routinely sabotages the cultivation of the#junior disciples by actively disrupting their learning by sending them off to do menial chores that should be distributed equally across#the peak. binghe. he's gonna get someone killed. binghe. BINGHE. you're inadvertently creating a generation of cultivators who harbor#resentment against you specifically bc you failed to care and protect them as their shizun. BINGHE. DO YOU HEAR ME? BINGHE#oop. i guess not. SQQ time to organize a covert resistance group. i mean a secret study group that also doubles as an organization dedicate#to ruining Li Tao's reputation and standing amongst the rest of the sect. by boys! have fun storming the castle!#tldr unsweetened lemonade is: 'i force SQQ into a position of no power where keeping his head down is not an option bc neither the system#+ nor his surrounding peakmates will let him fade into the BG. and there's no LBH around for him to wifebeam into the Fave Disciple spot'#its also a 'SY and SJ are the same person' fic bc i love the trope and having a disciple SY where he's also SJ is such a specific niche#that i'll just have to write it myself in order to see it. im having a blast with it. im gonna give him SO much found family.#liushen and yueshen(? qijiu?) are fighting for 1st while poor bingqiu is trying to claw its way out of 3rd with minimal success#good fucking luck babe you gotta fight SQQ's seven evil disciples first. THEN you gotta fight Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan.#and then you gotta fight me. romance isnt even in the cards for this fic they're fighting for the SUBTEXT.#roll for disadvantge binghe
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you ever think about how bill is who the pines could have been if they didn't have any kind of support from anyone in their lives
#godsrambles#im thinking about the thing on the website where he goes on an angry jealous rant about stan#bill turns away from the chance to be better over and over and over and over again#but what couldve happened if he had some kind of support at 30? at 60? instead of at over 1 trillion?#he turns himself into a monster. he sets everything up to try and lead someone down the path of becoming a monster with him.#not consciously. but subconsciously he is so ready to commiserate with someone else about being monsters together. and be less alone in it#and then bill finds out that this person actually has a family member willing to risk the apocalypse just to bring him back.#and other family members willing to do whatever it takes to rescue him During the Apocalypse Itself#and friends who forgive him. and then even the brother he thought he hated for so long gets a happy ending#and here bill is. in a pit dug by his own endless atrocities. but the very first few shovelfuls of dirt that started digging the pit#were caused by him having no one. no support network. no family member willing to cause the apocalypse just to bring him back#and then he gets fucking institutionalized.#one of the kinds of places where people unwanted by anyone in society get sent to so no one has to think about them again.#^greatly reductive descriptor that isnt always true im just talking about the way society views this topic + depicts it in media#like ok. ok i guess. sure. whatever. fine. im exploding everything in the universe with my mind 👍
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AHAHAHH FINALLY ANOTHER NEW DOODLE PAGE. A COLLAGE OF OLD DOODLES, NEW DOODLES, DOODLES WITH MINIMUM EFFORT, AND DOODLES WITH ALOOOT OF EFFORT. SOME DRAWN ONA TABLET, MOST ON A MOUSE, BEEN IN MY WIPS FOR AGES JUST TTAAAAAKKEE IT BRO I CANT LOOK AT IT ANYMORE. ANYWAY HHEEELLLOOOOOO CHIPS GROWTH OVER 100 EPISODES CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT?? BECAUSE I SURE WILL. IN MY TAGS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#jrwi show#jrwi riptide spoilers#cw blood#chip jrwi#BARRK BARK BARK STARTED THIS WAY BEFORE EP 109 OKAY HHOOOOLY SHIIITT MY BOY.. MY BABY BOY..#HE HAS COME SO FARRRR CAN I BE HONEST? NEEEVER SAW THE FIRE MOTIF COMING#WHEN HE GOT THE WAVE TATS I WAS LIKE awweeyeaaaa ive been headcanoning him with a single shitty faded wave tattoo on his fore arms#BUT TTHEENN THE SECOND ARENA AND THE FIRE AND THE AAARURUGHHGHH IM SSOOO HERE FOR IT#BUT LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN TO ME WELL RIGHT NOW. I BELIEVE THAT CHIP IS NOT THE FIRE HE IS THE MATCH.#THE THING THAT FUELS THE FIRE. THAT GIVES IT GROUND FOR WHICH TO THRIVE. CHIP IS SO FOUNDATION TO ME#GILL MOON JAY SUN CHIP EARTH!!!! IM RIGHT!!! IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME I BETTER SEE SOME HHHAAANDS!!!!!!#I HAd so much trouble drawing his tattoos oohh my GOOODD those were the biggest reason i didnt finish this for so long#even now im still iffy but WAHTEVERRR. i love just drawin chip all beat up and sad#hes so tragic and unfortunate. remember when before they entered the black sea. the dude asked if anyone would miss chip. and he went 'no'#like just on impulse. n then jay n gill were like what?? dude no?? youve built up so much? what about all the friends along the way?#n chip was like oh. huh. yeah i guess so. HES SO USED TO BEING NNOOTHIHNGGG remember when he started getting sensitive abt#getting called bastard. OHH REMEMBER HIS SAD BOY ARC.. all the pressure all the ridicule all the misfortune all the failure and guilt#all crashing down onto the head of some wannabe pirate#oh my boy. youve grown so much! and in such a distorted way. what will arlin think when he sees you now?#OHH HOW I HOPE OTHERS NOTICE THAT LIL DOODLE WITH CHIP TAKING HIS FIRST KILL. SLOWLY PLUNGING A BLADE INTO MEAT.#ITS HARDER THAN YOU THINK BUT ONLY FOR A SECOND. AND THEN ITS EASY. JUST SO SO EASY. NOT MUCH BLOOD. IT TRAILED DOWN TO HIS SLEEVE#YOUR FIRST KILL WASNT A BRUTAL BLOODY MESS. IT WAS SAD. IT WAS SCUFFED. BUT IT WAS CLEANER THAN SOME. A BREATH SILENCED IN MERE SECONDS.#IT LEFT A STAIN ON YOUR SLEEVE. THATS ALL THE KILL LEFT BUT YOU CARRY THAT. YOU CARRY THAT INTO A NIGHT OF CHEER AND JOLLY#YOU CARRY THAT STAIN. YOU STOLE THIS BLOOD. YOU TOOK THIS LIFE. CERTAINLY THIS HAS TO STOP AT SOME POINT. AND IT MIGHT ASWELL END WITH FIRE#LOVE U CHIP MWAH#EDIT: IF U SAW ME FORGET TO DRAW CHIPS MISSIN TOOTH IN THE TOP RIGHT: NO YOU DIDNT
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ah yes dungeon meshi, the manga where an autistic man gets repeatedly bullied by people he thinks are his friends and not a single person supports him
#dont get me wrong i am enjoying this manga#but i'm failing to see how this is some great amazing autistic rep#like yeah laios is obviously autistic#and the struggles he has due to his autism are VERY relatable#but it's deeply uncomfortable that even the people closest to him are routinely awful to him#specifically for his autistic traits#and their bullying is almost always a joke#not a single person defends him#literally senshi is the only character that's never been cruel to him#well and farlyn but lbr she's also autistic and also has been in like half a chapter that ive read so far#maybe ive just not read far enough or not seen enough posts#but im not understanding why the fandom are treating it like amazing autistic rep and how it understands us so well#you could argue that the narrative tends to support laios's methods and way of thinking#but nothing else does#the scene with shuro was fucking awful to read tbh#'you're so annoying because you're autistic. how dare you think im your friend when you should have just guessed that i hated you'#and not a single person defends laios#or calls shuro out on what a fucking horrific way of treating a party member that is#like i dont know MAYBE you could have just said 'hey i don't really want to be friends'#maybe you could COMMUNICATE.#but no it's the autistic man who's the problem. for the crime of.... being too nice.#i don't have a problem with the scene.#i have a problem with the fact that shuro is framed as reasonable here. instead of utterly fucking vile.#i have a problem with none of the other characters sticking up for laios.#dungeon meshi#maybe ppl will start treating him better#i would like to continue reading#but if he continues getting bullied in EVERY fucking chapter as a 'joke' then idk man
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this isn’t even about my evil agenda anymore I actually just need to hear your dissertation on voltron/klance x first love late spring
you do evil things to my dick and balls. i hope you know that.
first love / late spring is a very keith-core song, but i think it also applies to both keith and lance... but more specifically, FL/LS is keith pre-relationship, and then FL/LS is lance once they have already started dating.
i'm obsessed with that one interview of mitski where she explained that she wrote this song while she was experiencing her vulnerable first love... and first love is vulnerable. you simultaneously reap the rewards of being known but at the same time, you've now let someone else know you, and now you have to trust them to take care of you. and it's so vulnerable. it's more naked than being naked. and it's so difficult as well because now you're learning a brand new way you can be hurt.
so keith, pre-relationship... he's pining for lance and he is MISERABLE. he's lost control! he feels like he's being consumed by the enormity of his feelings. he's eight years old and small and never asked for this, he never wanted to know he could feel this way. he just wants lance to fucking go already. keith wants to spit vitriol and blame and shame and drive lance away so that when lance leaves him (and he will leave him, like everyone else has), then at least it will be on keith's own terms for once. and keith doesn't, he refuses, to say how he feels. he'll spitefully choke on his confession until it suffocates him. he doesn't want to know what lance might say.
but he also is afraid of lance's reaction because... if lance gives him even a sliver of ground, if there's even a promise of a chance -- keith will fold instantly. he will jump into this love headfirst. he'll do anything if it will make lance stay with him.
and then lance, mid-established relationship... things with keith are perfect, everything is going great, so why does lance feel so anxious all the time? why does he feel so scared when keith looks at him like he's his whole world? maybe the problem is lance. because what they have is real. because he's pretty sure keith is it for him. and that terrifies lance. because lance, deep down, knows he's going to screw this up. and it's not just his heart on the line; he's also going to hurt keith.
keith smiles at him and lance feels sick to his stomach. he wants to tell keith that they might be happy right now, but eventually, lance is going to ruin this. he wants to warn keith that lance is going to break his heart one day.
lance isn't always so negative about himself. during the day, it's easy to let himself be buoyed and enveloped by his feelings for keith. he loves being in love with keith. because the love is real. it's real, and it's there, and that matters. but at night, all those poisonous insecurities and anxieties rear their ugly head, and lance finds himself standing on a ledge over a drop. lance daydreams about spending the rest of his life with keith; lance has never felt so young and small.
#mintcaboodle#klance#voltron#ask#the old child/young adult metaphor is also like. so lance-core. AND THE 'I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME' LINE!!!!!!!!#im in my feels tonight i'm sorry the lance analysis is not fully cooked#also like obviously lance doesn't always feel this way. it's more pertinent closer to the beginning when he#starts to fully realize the depths of his feelings and he's freaking out because he's beginning to understand what it means to spend#the rest of your life with someone and that is a TERRIFYING thing to want and imagine when you're only 17/18#lance does get better though and his insecurities die out the longer and more stable his relationship with keith is#though sometimes those same insecurities crop up now and again#i talk a lot about pining keith and how like tumultuous his experience is. but once he starts dating lance things even out for him#whereas lance is relatively chill in his pining and then begins to flounder after they get together and after he's realized the Love word#otp: we are a good team#katiecanons#idk i guess#keith#lance
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ARCANE DAY
Episode 4 and 5 in the tags and:
SALO BEING A VIKTOS FOLLOWER??? CRAZY. ALSO BOTH VIKTOR MISSING JAYCE AJDHSKSJ also cait has kinda calmed down... and I am sure she misses vi so I KNOW this is going to happen to her soon.... we aren't getting much of her feelings yet... she's still too onto Jinx to catch up on where ambessa is going...
DID JAYCE JUST KILL SALO??? WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE
Also vander not recognizing vi at first until she gives up fighting.... incredible ALSO vander and silco being miners and vi wearing her gauntlets that were initially thought out for miners.... damn
This is my favourite episode so far....
Episode 6 here:
Sky really being there..... of course she is....
Ambessa training caitlyn.... of course thats her new daughter akdjskms Tunnels in your eyes.... GIRL!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU DON'T NEED RIGHT NOW also the guy outside is a mage... ambessa is such a hypocrite
Vi and Jinx vs ambessa and cait.... this was always about class war don't get it twisted SINGED!!! TRAITOR!!!!
ARE THEY GOING TO SEE VIKTOR???? I looove how viktors touch on their faces leave "scars" so recognizable
Did isha just take the gem from vi's gauntlets??? Omg I wasn't expecting viktor to build a hippie commune to be honest omg he looks so good.... with the blonde underhairs.... and I do believe that's the same blanket....
And of course viktor knows who vander is.... nvm he diesnt know omg viktor asking for Powder.....
We are getting viktor horsegirl montage.... omg the vander momtage I can't..... omg they wanna stay.... singed is gonna fuck all this up NOOOOO 😭😭😭 they are already there I am going to kms
CAITLYN STOP THIS MADESSS!!! ✋️ CAITLYN!!!!! VI KILL THIS MAN!!! OMG CAITLYN...... mongoose... yeah.... and fuck you too.... CUPCAKE!!!! ABOUT TIME!!!! CAITLYN I SAID STOP THIS MADNESS WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!! And jayce too 😭😭😭 we're never making it out of the fissures
It's such a shame the spit on here won't work like on challengers.... one can only pray I guess
Jinx experiencing the "there's nothing more undoing as a daughter" moment.... incredible
"Your absence provided a vacuum I was able to fill" TO VI???? I KNEW THAT HAND HOLDING IN THE COMMANDER SCENE WAS SUS AKDHKASJ maddie exists and ambessa knows that and still.... it was not filling her mother's void...
YES CAITLYN!!! YES!!!!! VI is so hot I am distracted... ambessa was right.... now what the fuck will jayce fuck up??? Thats the question... NOT ANOTHER CHILD!!! jayce is a menace... the guys smiling at jayce are viktor... maybe the child even....
JINX KILL THAT MAN!!! NVM VANDER KILL THAT MAN!!! JAYCE YOU FUCKING MORON!!!!! JAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHEN I GET YOU JAAAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Isha what are you going to do omg 😭😭 did she kill vander... another powder... my god another week...
That was such a good fucking episode too.... and caitlyn didn't go insane when finding Jinx that is a step forwards but viktor can't be dead... no fucking way... he was giving himself away for the people and he was going to finally die by saving vander and look at what we got... no wonder viktor hates his guts. Jayce you were so good in act one.... what happened..... alright. Christ.... another week....
#FUCKING MADDIE?????????????? NO FUCKING WAYYYYYYYYYY#fucking maddie??? yes she is fucking her. christ. jinx was right vi should have hit before all of that.... maddie bet her to it 😭😭😭#i have tears in my eyes aldjaodjsk no fucking way what the heeeeeeell ooooh my goooood nowaaayyaaayyyaaaayyyy#and cait looks so pretty....... she is still focused on jinx.....#omg isha..... jinx gave up jinx??? what...... ambessa is making hextech... so jayce is still missing.... well she is trying#and mel is still missing too.... christ and ekkos friend is sympathetic to jinx... mmhmhmmmmm also ambessa clocks everything aldjakaj#cait has calmed down.... what is happening... she is now only violent towards jinx i guess. ambessa is opening that wound over and over oof#THE MIDDLE FINGER AKDBAKSBKANSKA sevika is unifying the underground i knew it!!! yes!!!! jinx show up!!!!#cait paying homage to her mother while rictus beats up some guy.... her suffering meking her an enabler to those actions... yeah#oh no..... they know.... isha lighting the fire like jinx did.... sevika getting her arm cut... ISHA BEAT HIM UUUP!!! JINX!!!! omg singed..#enforcer vi becoming part of her hallucinations... its so over... also silco... jinx kill this man. not ambessa... omg jinx run....#she likes iiiit yeeeeahhhh.... ekkos friend... . and THE BROTHEL LADY... SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!! SHE IS SO GLAD!!! WARWICK!! FUCK SHIT UP!!#OMG HE RECOGNIZES HER!!!!! HE SPEAKS!!!!! WHAT A FUCKING MASSACRE OUTSIDE BUT HE DOES RECOGNIZE HER!!!!#CALL VIIIII THROW A PARTY WE ARE A FOUR PEOPLE HOUSEHOLD NOW!!! FIVE WITH SEVIKA!!! COME ON AT LEAST TRY!!!#his eyes changing color... singed you are nothing compared to a fathers love... jinx complaining about not really having killed powder....#she didnt and vander recognises that.... amazing omg........#THE CAIT IN BED HALLUCINATION AND JINX THERE!!!! its so weird seeing them both like this.... jinx wanting to help him.... ofc...#THEY GOT VANDER???? also you know whats funny... the cape makes cait look like silco... it looks red even#why is singed based.... OMG MEL!!! HER BROTHER!!!!! OH MY GOD VIIII LOOKS SO GOOOD!!!! HER GAUNTLETS ARE PAINTED BLACK TOO AKDBAKS#bitch mittens (not even diy) damn vi she got you hard THE BITCH SLAP omg vi... your big sister duties...#singed actually venering vander.... do not help the opressor singed!! i just said you were based!!! IS MEL PREGNANT?!?!??!#she does enjoy her puzzles..... oh of course he is an hallucination.... the first time he appeared behind her....#silco and vanders old hq..... omg MORE DOOMED YAOI...... vander apologised but silco didn't read the letter 😭😭 as vi reaches for jinx omg#vi wearing her enforcer plaque without the plaque.... slay but why. no vander no loke he is a dog akdhaksj IS VANDER THEIR ACTUAL FATHER#NO FUCKING WAY A LOVE TRIANGLE AND EACH ONE GETS OME DAUGHTER AIDHOQSJOSAKL i need a fucking moment....#well its not vanders.... BUT THE SAME CUP AND STRAW FOR POWDER OMG!!! THE FATHERS THAT STEPPED UP!!!CONNEL GET RECKT!!!!#bedrock and blisters my fucking god. vander and silco wanting to build a better zaun for her daughters... AND JINX AND VI ARE GONNA MAKE IT#vander looking at the woman she likes whos hair is purple: ive always liked the name violet. im going to be sick!!!! my god!!!#MY GOOOOOD!!!!!!! VANDER HUGGING VI!!! THE SHOT OF HER OFFERING JINX TO JOIN WILL END MEE!!!!#watching arcane
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another thing i sit here and i think about with the punisher show is that i think a major disappointment for me is that his kids weren't more important than his wife. i think its a mistake to have him be someone more focused on relationships w/ adult women and less focused on making sure kids get to be kids and, most importantly, grow up.
i think it was just so annoying in the show that they made him flashback to his wife constantly and it was always like sexual tension and w/e bc i think..... i think its better if hes still there just looking for his daughter. wondering who she would have been. hes looking for his son, fearing what it would mean if he grew up to be just like his father.
i think for one of his grounding things to be his wife asking him to join her, or for him to be in a mental space of having sex with his wife while being tourtured, not only was the scene really fucking weird, i think it was just disappointing. bro was like deployed more often than he was at home with her?
maybe its just because im a daughter who wants the love of a father, but i also just felt as though the love he had for his daughter in daredevil S2 was more powerful than anything they attempted to portray in S1 of the punisher with his wife.
#scarlet witch gets to mourn the children she never even had but the punisher stand alone show couldn't do that.#i didnt watch season 2 maybe that ones better i know he gets a daughter figure in his life or something but i just wasn't inspired to watch#i'll probs watch it at some point tho#the punisher#frank castle#thoughts?!?!!?#anyone?!?!#tips#i think its such a major disappointment that his kids felt so devalued in the show in comparison to daredevil's show#i guess i also just have never felt that frank truly loved his wife in the way a husband should#from the comics and the show. i think he loved her#but i think she more represents the life he thinks hes supposed to have as a 'normal' person than a true love of his life. which i think#is something that happens with a lot of wives. they're not seen as actual people to their husbands but rather just something to make#them feel 'normal' or a 'correct man'#like he has the nuclear family#and it never changed him. not really.#i dont know im rambling and im in class im just really emotional
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yk i genuinely don't think ive ever been able to actually express my gender dysphoria out loud to another person cos with my family they'll get uncomfortable or think im somehow bragging bc i have the misfortune of a hyperfeminine body, with therapists im always trying not to say smth that makes me sound too self hating to get letters written, and with other trans people i don't want to upset them. idk writing it down just feels like im cataloguing everything that's wrong with me but I don't think ill ever have anyone i can talk to about it either
#i guess i got lucky in some ways with PCOS and my face is androgynous#but just even besides my weight my body type itself is just. not doing me any favors when it comes to passing#maybe if i was skinny i could deal with it or fat with an otherwise masculine body but both just feels very insurmountable#like ive just never seen a cis man that looks anything like me even guys that r the same weight#hell even trans men never look like me#idk maybe t will help with it longterm and at the end of the day it is what it is. like i don't have to like my body to be kind to myself#been considering lipo with top surgery too bc i just#i don't even have the typical pcos body type that is a little more masculine#like ugh. realistically ik i always cover myself head to toe anyways and that nobody is rlly looking that hard#in most photos if im dressed well i just look like a guy with wide hips. most strangers who've seen photos of me#assumed i was cis esp with clothes that diminish the hips#but i wish i could look at myself naked and not be utterly disgusted and alienated at almost all my features is all#ik itll get better with top surgery and i do have things i like like my shoulders and calves#but man just. i know i am not the first to express this but being a 5'3 fat man with an hourglass figure is not fun!#they literally do not make mens pants in my size 😭 at least not ones i can go try on in a store#i would just really like to kill the transphobe in my head mostly. or at least show his ugly ass to somebody else.
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.
#i dont really like this psychiatrist but ive only seen her once so i figured i should give her one more shot#last time i saw her she adked how i liked my anxiety meds#i said i love them. theyre helpful and have no side effects since my body got used to them#and i said i explicitly didnt like ky old ones cuz of how they made me feel#she prescribed the old ones and said i should just tey taking a smaller dose. even though im on meds i like#but the bigger problem is#we went over all my previous medications. ive been on several. a lot of antidepressants especially which is really bad for bipolar#the worst antidepressant cause pericarditis (swelling around my heart) that made me go to the emergency room#we went over that. i told her everything i just told you#my bipolar leans heavily into the depression so she decided to tey another antidepressant along with my mood stabilizer#can you guess which antidepressant she prescribed? can you??#and i didnt realize it at the time because she called it the generic name so i couldnt explain she shiuldnt prescribe me that#and i meant to callher about it but it completely slipped my mind and i thought i had more time#and then suddenly my appointment is tomorrow#or the other thing she recommended was lithium. which feels like wuite an escalation#eapecially since she said it can cause irreversible damage to (maybe remembering this wrong) my kidneys#like i feel like there must be a better option. none of which are anxiety meds i dont like. an antidepressant that sent me to the hospital#or something that could cause irreversible damage. like i feel like theres a better way#i also need to talk to her about setting up an adhd assessment#i had an assessment a few years ago in which i was told im 'too smart to have adhd'#calling adhd people not smart is bullshit. you cant be too smart to have adhd. and i feel like i was just dismissed because im female#he said he wished he could score as hugh as i did on the knowledge tests#man me too. maybe then you wiuldnt be such an idiot. how did you get a license to practice. how did you pass any higher education#are you just a random guy that walked in off the street? i refuse to call him a doctor#i call him a quack or by his full name because i don't think he deserves the respect of that title#what was i talking about. oh yeah trying another assessment with an actual doctor this time#wish me luck with my appointment tomorrow bcuz she might try to kill me again#or dismiss my concerns of adhd like she dismissed my dislike for my old anxiety meds#im in hell. being mentally ill is hell a little bit#actually its not. im fine with my mental illness. im not fine with how doctors treat me because of it
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I just had the horrible thought that I need to fall in love because having devastating crushes on beautiful, competent, authoritative women that I desperately want to please is exhausting and I need it to stop
#this one is straight so there's no room for delusion which is good#but my burning need to be her most favorite is eating me from the inside#it IS making me better at my job though#.......i mean i think so but what the fuck do i know#on friday night amongst the grueling psychosexual chaos that ensued a very smart guy that I LOVE said to me#i have no doubts you're gonna be a great psychiatrist actually#i traded a month with him to have another month with her#he's a phenomenologist she's a psychodynamic....ist? rival theories#I don't like most of psychodynamic theory.......so far#but i love the way she works and i can see how well it fits with her manymanyMANY patients and goddamnit i love personality dosorders#so i made the choice to go with her yes and im very torn casue i LOVE that guy and i wish i could become his friend like my bff from my year#also.......kind of dumb of me since I'd only soend two days a week woth her and the other three with very scary ladies#but I've been in scarier situation i can manage#and god when she praises me (silently obv she's only been forward about my merit ONCE and i almost pissed myself like an overexcited dog)#the endorphin rush is........man#but yes i need to work on this.......idk how to define it. closest i can get to explaining it is professional sub space#with strong aspects of praise kink#pathetic is what it is really#but hey if it makes me study harder who fucking cares right#I'm gonna be the smartest most intuitive fucking bitch amongst my peers so if I can't have her (them) carnally then goddamnit#I'LL HAVE THEIR PRAISE AND RESPECT AND ADMIRATION AT LEAST#........I'll be normal again in a week or two i just need to get over these next couple of days of....idk. inflammation i guess#yeah it's just like an infected wound right now#angry red throbbing hot pain#i know the drill it'll be better in a couple of days you just need to not freak out and let it do its thing#it's nice to be mature-r about emotional impulsivity and the shame that comes after an episode of deregulation#it really doesn't have to be a big deal even while it still feels like it#it still hurts but it's like......hour three of a tattoo. it's a bitch but you know it's gonna be over eventually and wriggling won't work#the only thing left to do is enjoying it all while it's happening or trying to#I don't think I'm doing a great job but what're you gonna do right
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guys i made a mistake.
#aka i scrolled through the entire becker siblings tag again on a whim and now im shinjichairpose.png#i dont even have specific thoughts theyre just rotating in my brain now#theres like. very small tidbits that i have stuck in there currently#like their weird thing with control(because i am thinking about that 24/7)#cyrus who needs control vs fawn who defers to it vs river who hates it#how they did that i dont know but im going to take a wild guess and say that its Very unhealthy#and also their relationship to both ortegas#i guess thats only tangentially related to the becker siblings but also like. the ortegas talking about the siblings together#getting drunk and grieving together and trading stories and blaming eachother for letting them die#getting out of their posthb messes because they dont have any (becker) siblings to depend on anymore so theyll have to settle for eachother#also in the survivor!river au im specifically haunted by the fact that river 'does not include ricardo in the package' when julia-#becomes his sibling#the resentment from All sides there??? holy shit#thats gotta blow up eventually right#like i can see ricardo feeling extremely guilty about river but at the same time???? him getting Angry#that river has the Audacity to steal his sister and not even treat him any better for it#so what if he lost his siblings? doesnt mean he has the right to have ricardos#Really funny fucked up reflection of fawns beef with julia but this time its the other way around#.anyway. <-experiencing normal thoughts and emotions#cyrus becker(s)#nmoc: fawn becker(s)#nmoc: river becker(s)#keeping up with the beckers#pulp speaks
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