#and im enjoying them and the ames too but im now feeling envious.

[hellonerf]

when will canachan heta my myu...

[just-ice-water-plz2]

💜💜my **personal** reasons to💜💜 🖤 🖤get skinnier🖤🖤 💜

⚠️TW TOXIC⚠️

*** friendly reminder: Summer/June is only 50 days away.***

**notice I said personal reasons meaning only pertaining to me myself and I <3**

🖤to see how jealous my friends get when they see how skinny I am. Remember when she said she was jealous of my legs?! Don’t you want that again?!

💜feeling so pretty and put together no matter what clothes I’m wearing.

🖤to wear my clothes and not have the clothes wear me. I am the main statement piece to every outfit.

💜to make people so envious when they see me enjoying treats and so people think I’m one of those “natural skinny” girls.

🖤to make my bf worry about me.

💜to be noticeably skinnier the next time he holds me.

🖤to look so fragile that people are scared I might break or blow away in the wind.

💜how good it feels knowing I’m underweight. I need to be more underweight. Being a healthy weight is disgusting.

🖤noticing how much women (especially older women) stare at me in envy when I’m just shopping and going about my day in a cute little outfit.

💜to pick the smallest size possible when ordering or trying on clothes

🖤everything looks better skinny

💜to see how people react when they’re in my presence. They’re astounded.

🖤hearing that family members are talking behind my back calling me an0r3xic. They’re just jealous.

💜when a family member says “enjoy your body while you have it. I was skinny at your age too” and now they’re overweight, single with 5 children. I will NEVER look like her. Ever.

🖤being the skinniest person in my friend group

💜the haters want me to gain. Why am I letting them win and feel that satisfaction of seeing me gain. Disgusting. I need to prove them super wrong and be so smoking hot and skinny this summer 💋💋.

🖤 hearing my sister tell me how jealous she is that im so tall and we“naturally skinny” **is anybody really naturally skinny?**

💜seeing how everyone turns their head to look at me at work. Motivates me to look cute at work too.

🖤I just want to be the definition of a dainty, fragile, gorgeous women.

💜when my friend says she wants to be skinny like me.

🖤people telling me I should be a model bcuz I’m so tall and skinny. I need to stop gaining and get back into my skinny grinding era. I’m working on it I swear 😭

💜being skinny is a lifestyle.

🖤**unfriendly reminder** she’s still skinnier than you. Why are you eating for an entire family of 4??! Stop gaining it’s not f***ing cute 😐

💜life is just worth living when you’re skinny. I want to go out and show off my hard work not hide in my house covering my fat rolls. Never again.

🖤knowing how much more attractive being skinny makes you. I was average before but now I’m skinny and gorgeous.

💜knowing I make someone feel bad about their body just by existing in the same room as them. I can tell by people’s reactions when they’re insecure bcuz I’m all dressed up and skinny.

🖤to not be insecure. I was so insecure when I was fat but now I’m skinny so what is there to be insecure about? Except now you’ve gained so apparently there’s a lot to feel bad about.

💜to have a “cheat day” that’s still in a cal deficit bcuz my stomach has shrunk so much I can barley eat without feeling stuffed.

🖤I just love the feeling of knowing I am the one making others jealous instead of me being the jealous one. most of the time. Why not all the time?

💜to wear a bikini this summer and only seeing everyone else’s fat rolls. Not a single one in sight on me. Not if you keep eating like this.

🖤people treat skinnier people better. I know from experience. I love it, it makes me feel so special.

💜if these are my “best years” in life I will have the best body to match these “best years”. And I will have an amazing body still as I age. I will never “let myself go.” Disgusting.

🖤to make my one friend who also has an ed jealous. She always makes me jealous telling me how she only weighs 97lbs. I want to make her jealous. I’m taller than her by a few inches so I definitely can get skinnier than her without going so low. So why haven’t you done it yet?

💜bcuz my so called “best friends” were talking bad about me behind my back so the best revenge is to be the skinniest and hottest one in the group. Talk shit about that you f**king b***h. I always over dress everywhere and get the most compliments as revenge. I have other more real friends who would never.

🖤to make my “friends” even more jealous. I know that’s why they’re talking about me bcuz I’m glowing up so hard right now and they simply cannot handle it. I need to glow up more. I want to see them seeth with jealousy just with my existence.

💜to feel my bones more. I miss feeling my bones like I used to.

🖤to feel how you felt at your LW. Wasn’t that amazing and so thrilling to see the scale say “104lbs.” Why did you stop there? You must get started on losing the f***ing 13+lbs you gained. Gross.

💜 i <3 b e i n g s k i n n y💜

[insecxreasalwqys]

my heart, will never feel, will never see, will never know. oh, heart, and then it falls, and then i fall, and then i know. (wip)

  Hi. So uhm, i havent been on here for a while, and i don’t think i will be going on here anymore. I know theres probably no more than 3 people reading this, but thats okay. This is probably my last post on here. Thank you to everyone who has read my stuff. I really appreciate it. I enjoyed writing stuff. I just think that im not so interested in alice in borderland anymore. Thank you @thee-yunatic-pixie for helping me, and i am so grateful. So, yeah. Here’s the last thing i wrote, and i hope its not too bad. I hope you can look back at my first post, and look here, as it is my last, and think i improved. I didnt check the spelling, or grammar, or really anything related to it, but it hope you can understand the events, and stuff. This is also a wip, so uh thats why it sounds kinda unfinished? 

 “I’m envious of you.” Chishiya said. And, right there, Chishiya felt the thing he hated the most. And that, that thing, was disappointment. During the game, his expression was very condescending. Very prideful. However, that and his smirk fell with the acid. He always knew. Of course he did. He always knew that whenever he manipulated people into sacrificing themselves for him, their death wouldn’t hold significance (?). Chishiya would just go on and live his life, not acknowledging them at all. Yet, never once, did he feel disappointed in himself in doing so. It was not until now. Whether it was because Kuzuryuu accepted it, or just because, it felt different. As Chishiya got up, and began to walk away, he paused. He looked back at the table, his eyes landing on the seat across from his. The seat which the man he was talking to just minutes ago had sat. And, for the first time, Chishiya felt a sharp jab of remorse; of empathy pierce through his chest. 

    Even before Kuzuryuu sacrificed himself, Chishiya saw people do selfless things left, and right, yet, Chishiya never could wrap his head around why. Why would you help somebody who never helped you? And, even if they did, shouldn’t it always be yourself before others?

    Chishiya sat there for hours, physically idle. Yet, his mind was quite the opposite. He was trying to figure out what his problem was. If so many people were kind-hearted, and selfless, then the only logical explanation, would be that it was something to do with him. And so, the boy did not allow his mind to rest. Not for a second. Not even when the rain began to fall. 

    Every day, Chishiya would walk by his dad’s room, taking a quick glance. However, he saw the same thing, over, and over again. He would be facing that computer of his, with books piled around him. The only time it was different, was when the room was empty. Even when his dad was in there, it felt not much different than when it was empty. 

    Usually, Chishiya would have stopped thinking about it here, but this time, he did not allow himself to. He then realized that the problem was not rooted in his past, but rather, in his, for lack of a better word, morals. He figured many people had been through the same thing, and worse, but did not act the way Chishiya did. 

    See, Chishiya’s morals were: Nobody cared about me, so I’m not going to care about anybody. Including myself. 

     But for the other people who decided to act differently, their morals were: Nobody cared about me, so I’m going to care about everybody. 

    And, with that, he got up, once again, and took a walk. Chishiya decided from that point, that he would try a little harder. And, I suppose, be a better person.      “I won’t be able to get proper treatment in this country.” Chishiya sighed. Although he felt a small sting, the pain hadn’t kicked in. He heard Arisu and Usagi talking, yet he could not process what it was that they were talking about. Then, the stinging went to his nose, and before he knew it, the stinging turned into more of a tingle. After that, well, I suppose Chishiya would have liked to tell you it was a drop of rain that fell near his eyes, but that was not the case.      The sun started to set, and Chishiya hadn’t moved an inch.

     “Because of you, I finally got to live my life the way I wanted to. Thank you, Chishiya.”      This time, when Chishiya recalled these words, it was not disappointment he felt, but happiness, and maybe a drop or two of peace.

    Chishiya saw a burst of blue, then red, then many other colors following.The light lit up everything. The sky, the buildings, everything. Then, he heard a loud voice over the PA. “Now, all remaining players must decide if they accept permanent residency in this land, or if they do not accept.”     Chishiya stared at the ceiling, listening to the faint voice on the radio (if thats the word for it). It was listing names. Names of people who had died in the crash. “Kotoko Shiga, Urumi Aramaki, Keiichi Kuzuryuu-” Chishiya froze. Keiichi Kuzuryuu. The name sounded familiar. Painfully familiar. Chishiya could have sworn he had heard it before. He had no clue where, but it was somewhere. Somewhere. A place he had been in for a long time. It was so unclear to him about where it was, and what it was, but it felt so vivid at the same time.      ❤️

[eldritch-nightmare]

Please mind vomit all your stuff about the puppeteer, his relationships with his proxies, his romantic relationships outside of them. EVERYTHING

I am very NORMAL about the puppeteer :) (I'm not)

-reagan

YOU'VE GIVEN ME TOO MUCH POWER, REAGAN i will so gladly mind vomit to you because oh my god i was looking at his relationship map a few moments ago to make sure i remembered zachary correctly and i have so many thoughts about it. but hold on let me talk more about zachary real quick.

zachary hates him. zachary despises his guts. i think the puppeteer is perfectly aware that zachary holds no positive feelings for him, and he finds it a bit annoying, but he ultimately doesn't bother with it. even though zachary wants to escape the puppeteer, and is actively trying to, the puppeteer knows that he never will. zachary is doomed to stay as his proxy until he dies. the only time the puppeteer really gets upset with zachary is when emra is brought into the mix.

he knows that zachary wants emra to escape as well, and that makes his blood boil. the only reason he doesn't hurt him is because emra sees zachary as her kid, and if he hurts zachary then emra will hate him more than she already does.

OKAY NOW FIRST AND FOREMOST i need to talk about his relationship with liu because oh my god i saw it and i had to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself to be normal about it and im about to be Very Unnormal about it.

the thought of the puppeteer being interested in liu, and fascinated by his backstory makes my brain waves go wild. like... he sees liu, and he wants to break him. he wants to take his past, and he wants to use it against him, and he hasn't had any success in doing so just yet. and that just makes him crave more.

he enjoys it when it takes time and patience to break a victim down, it makes the hunt even better. every little detail he learns about liu just endlessly fascinates him, and it makes him want to break him down even more.

it's unclear whether or not liu is aware of what the puppeteer wishes to do to him. if he isn't aware, then he probably views the puppeteer as an odd acquaintance, maybe even a friend. and if he is aware of the puppeteer's intentions, then i highly doubt he really cares. liu isn't going to break the way the puppeteer wants him to. he's already been broken, and it took him forever to put the pieces back together so there was no way in hell he'd ever let himself go through that again.

and i like to think this leads to a toxic sort of friendship between the two, maybe even an unhealthy romantic relationship because why not.

then you have jane.

the puppeteer is literally scared of jane. he was gonna kill her, and then he felt her Vibes and was like 'haha i'm afraid actually so. nevermind.' and jane is completely oblivious to the fact that he's scared of her. he's afraid of her, and he respects her, and she respects him, and he enjoys her company. he sees her as a friend, and i can see him telling her about the more... personal things he keeps to himself, and jane gives him advice with no bias.

she's blunt, and she gets straight to the point. while, yes, he doesn't like being told that he's in the wrong, he does value jane's advice and even ends up having many philosophical conversations with her.

and then you have the bloody painter!

the puppeteer has a lot of respect for helen, and he honestly considers him to be his best friend. would he ever admit that to him out loud? hell no. they may be best friends, but that doesn't stop the puppeteer from feeling envious of him.

being friends with helen has made the puppeteer realize that he longs to be human again. this is a secret that he won't ever tell anyone because it makes him feel weak. just that jealousy alone is enough to send him into a rage and he has to remove himself from the vicinity out of fear that he may hurt helen if he's not careful.

helen isn't oblivious to this, he is aware that the puppeteer feels many conflicting emotions whenever the two are around. at one point, he probably even suggests that they stop being friends because it clearly takes a toll on the ghost. the puppeteer shut that idea down immediately however.

helen was the closest thing he had to feeling human these days. he couldn't lose that.

and i literally love the idea of him basically viewing sally as a little sister and just. treating her as such. love that. adore it, even.

he finds jeff to be a nuisance and actively avoids him whenever he's around nothing more nothing less.

oh toby hates him so much too man i just know it. the puppeteer is well aware that toby has a deeply dark past, and similar to liu, he actively goes out of his way to try and break him down. the puppeteer feeds off the negativity that toby ends up feeling whenever the ghost bothers him.

he has to be careful, of course, because he's well aware of the harm that toby can cause him if he pushes him into a violent reaction.

not to mention slender certainly won't be too keen to learn that someone is messing with its proxy.

i, personally, like to imagine that he, jason the toymaker, and the doll maker all are in this odd mutual respect friend group of sorts where they teach each other how to make certain things and how to repair stuff and like. the puppeteer teaches them how to make puppets, jason teaches them how to make wax figures and vine teaches them how to make dolls. it's like a really weird knitting club.

AND LIKE man. the thought of the puppeteer falling in love with someone again after everything that happened with emra... i think he would feel a confliction of emotions.

he would feel guilt, first and foremost, because it felt like he was betraying emra almost in the same way she betrayed him. but i also think that he's well aware that he and emra were never going to be a couple again, and that moving on was an okay thing to do. for him, at least.

i also think he would be confused, because after his death, he doesn't particularly feel emotions the way he used to. certain emotions, such as anger and sadness, come to him naturally but everything else feels more muted. so for him to feel love towards someone? a human, no less? it would certainly lead to him feeling highly confused.

and then i think that confusion would morph into slight annoyance. being in love means he has a weakness now, one that he knows certain people will try using against him. he tries to convince himself that he isn't in love, and yet he finds himself continually gravitating towards the object of his affection. that only serves to add to his annoyance, to be honest.

and when he finally comes to terms with the fact that he's in love? you best believe he'll try to keep his lover around him at all times.

after everything with emra, the puppeteer most definitely developed strong abandonment issues, so having his partner by his side all the time certainly helps to silent the thoughts of his partner potentially leaving him one day.

not to mention... they're human, they'll die one day. they could die earlier than needed if they aren't careful, so the puppeteer also likes keeping them around to keep an eye on them. keep them out of harm's way.

ALSO he bleeds and cries a like... golden plasma of sorts... and it dries black... and it stains whatever it touches so i have so many thoughts about that too like. the puppeteer has black tear streaks permanently stained on his face.

just think about all the endless possibilities with this knowledge. think of emra having black tear drops forever stained onto her porcelain, something she earned early on when she was brought back to life in her fragile body. just... the puppeteer leaning over her, crying, hoping that he was actually able to succeed in bringing her back.

also, can i just say that in control by nemesea is like... a song i heavily associate with the puppeteer these days?

so uh yeah. enjoy these thoughts, because they are a mess, i think.

[harakiri666]

Sat,August,26,2023

Today has been one of those days. I been sleeping all day. I've made new music which I'm ready to play. I decided to bring my band paranoia back together instead of doing the solo thing. I'm really excited on that. I practiced a song that I wrote by myself and I have mastered it. I'm really tired and drained because I haven't been getting much sleep. I've been also dealing with my boyfriend's negativity. And of course he's out and about drinking because that's what he does. He always does that. By the way he drinks a lot. But yeah he's the main reason why I feel so drained lately to be honest. This relationship has tooken such a toll on me and he says that he'd change but he never does and this has been going on for months. I do love him but I have learnt that love is never ever enough. I know deep down he's envious of me and jealous of my successes. He's insecure and takes it out on me even though I reassure him and comfort him and stuff all the time. I've come to learn how selfish he is and how impatient and Controlling he is as well. I feel like I can't enjoy the things I love because he judges what I'm into because he thinks a certain way. I always feel like I can't be myself because of how he acts. I feel like I have to be fully like his style. He is very specific on what I should do with my hair which is very suspicious to me. He always tells me who hits on him like 2 days ago some girl at walmart flirted with him and she was emo and had red and black hair which what he wants me to do with his hair and I just felt really down about it. Not to mention he always talks shit about his exes and brings them up. Not only that he knows what his exes are doing in life and he will spot them and say that he did to me. Not only that he does and says all the romantic things that he's done and said to his exes which makes me feel like he doesn't mean it at all. I can't do what I want or say what I want without him throwing a fit. I've gotten music opportunities and I feel like I have to turn them down because he throws a fit. When I stay at his house he's too lazy to even let me make food or him make food or for him to go get food and he just let's me starve even though I get hungry. I always have to pick up after him too. When im falling asleep and im really tired he cuddles me then starts to like touch me in areas that are sexual and then I end up waking up because he wants to do the deed but I fucking feel obligated like I have to even though I don't want to. Anyways right now I am laying down on my bed thinking about all of this... and that's why im doing this rn. But hopefully he'd change his bad habits... because I can't handle them...

-love always, D xoxo♡

[kidge-planet]

Kidge summer event

Day 21 : angst

A/N: I apologies for being so late! I was sick and little lazy too.... I think that you are used to see me late on the planing by now... btw, im sorry about that fic, I was going with something way more angsty but after rewriting it 3 times and not knowing how to start the fic, I just wrote something simple... It was supposed to talk about death but, ho well.... If you want me to still post the "death" one, I'll do a poll at the end of the fic. enjoy!

Characters: Pidge/Katie holt/Kogane , Keith Kogane, Lance and Allura

Pairing: pidge and keith : kidge (light Allurance)

season7-Season8

Pidge watched from a distance as Lance and Allura laughed together, their affectionate gestures filling her heart with a mix of envy and sadness. They looked so happy together, and for a moment, she couldn't help but wonder if she would ever find someone like that for herself.

But then the familiar feeling of insecurity washed over her, drowning her in doubts and self-criticism. She berated herself for feeling this way, for being so petty and envious of her friend's happiness... She should be happy for them! She felt like an outsider, a nerd who could never compare to someone as beautiful and graceful as Allura.

She walked away, seeking some time alone to sort through her feelings. The weight of her insecurities felt suffocating, and she wished she could just push them away, forget about them.

As she wandered aimlessly through the Atlas, she found herself in a quiet corner of the ship. No one around, just her, facinng the deap space through a huge window. She didn't know what that room was for but fuck it... She sat against the wall

Lost in her thoughts, Pidge didn't notice Keith passing by the door. He noticed her and stoped to take a look. The room was sure pretty dark but it had no door, so it was lighted by halways lights... And well, Pidge's uniform was light green. He was able to see her, curled up on the ground, against this wall...

He thought a second... He is not very good with words but he did helped Hunk when he was in a bad moment... Still, it was Pidge and he couldn't tell why, but it felt like helping her seemed harder. Maybe because she was "the smart one"? No, Hunk was also very smart. Well... Even if he wasn't sure that he could do anything to help, it was Pidge. He couldn't explain it, but he cared a lot about her. He had that urge to protect her and to make sure that she was ok. So after considering all that, he chosed to go check on her and make sure she is ok. ( despite of callig Shiro or Matt or Lance or hunk or ANYONE ELSE ON THAT SHIP. "Why does everyone seem closer to her than me?!")

He slowly apprauched her and hesitantly placed his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?" He asked, his voice soft and as reassuring as it could be.

She looked up at him, her eyes betraying her inner turmoil. "Yeah, I'm fine," she mumbled, trying to put on a brave front.

But Keith saw through her facade. He noticed the way her eyes darted away when he looked at her, the way she fidgeted slightly as if she was nervous. He couldn't help but feel his heart skip a beat, wondering if he could find the right words to make her feel better.

"I see that something is wrong... I know you. But im not the best talker and I get it if you don't want to share what's bothering you with me. Just know that you don't have to pretend." he said gently.

She sighed, feeling vulnerable as she admitted, "It's just... It's ridiculous. Trust me." At these words, she kept fidgeting with her fingers and looked down.

"If it makes you feel bad, It is not that ridiculous, I think. You aren't the type to let your emotions take over like that, am I right?"

Pidge sighed. "Promise you wont judge OR tell anyone."

"I swear."

"So..." She thought about a way to explain it simply "Seeing Lance and Allura together, it makes me feel like I'll never find someone who loves me like that... I know I should be happy for them... I mean, I am! But I don't know. Im the nerd one, the weird one, the small one... Even my voice is annoying! It had always been like that. I don't want to change for someone to like me but I feel like if I stay my way, I'll end my days alone..."

Keith's heart ached for her. He wanted to tell her that he cared for her, more then she could ever think. More then how friend should care for each other... She was the one he wanted to be with. But he couldn't find the courage to say those words out loud, afraid of risking their friendship. It wasn't the right time, right now, she needs support.

From a friend.

He sat down next to her, giving her a reassuring smile. "You will, Pidge. And you're amazing just the way you are. Your nerdiness, your intelligence, your quirks, they're all part of what makes you unique and special."

He wanted to tell her that he found her beautiful, that he adored her voice and her height didn't matter to him. But the words got stuck in his throat, and he settled for expressing his affection through small gestures, like brushing a strand of hair behind her ear or lingering a little longer in their conversations.

Pidge looked at him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "But I'm not pretty like Allura... Look at me..."

Keith's heart ached even more, wishing he could make her see herself the way he saw her. He gently took her hand in his, his touch sending a comforting warmth through her. "Pidge, you're beautiful, inside and out. And there's someone out there who will see that and love you for who you are. You don't have to change a thing."

He wanted to tell her that that someone was him, that he already loved her for everything she was. But he held back, unsure if she felt the same way.

"You really think that?" she whispered.

Keith nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. "I know it. And I promise you, one day, someone is going to come into your life and love you just the way you deserve to be loved."

Pidge couldn't help but smile. Maybe Keith was right... But how could he be so sure... She blushed.

HELL NO KATIE! DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH A GUY THAT WILL NEVER LIKE YOU! With a friend...

She lightly shooked her head toclear her thoughts. And smiled again, her eyes sparkling. "Thank you, keith..." She said. She had such a soft voice and keith couldn't help to blush.

They stared at each other's eyes, forgeting everything around them, even forgeting that they were holding hands...

Then they remembered and blushed hardly, getting the moment awkward....

A/N: I haven't corrected my mistake, If you see some, tell me about it! ( also, im pretty tired, sorry if it seem weird written)

( I wont be able to modify the fic because that poll, so if I made mistakes, They'll be corrected on wattpad, where I post every fics of the event!)

[scoriol]

i’ve always been overly critical and quick to judge. i analyse the way people tell stories about their falling out with friends- how many times they take accountability, how often they say “at the end of the day it’s a two way street”. do they say “i’m too nice a person” or “i’m basically the parent of my family” to overcompensate for the fact that they’re the complete opposite of those things. and while my judgement never seems to be wrong, i still enter into those friendships because i’ve always been told that you NEED friends. i’m 25 this year and i truly wonder, do i actually NEED all that many friends? i find it exhausting maintaining friendships in singapore- people are overly sensitive, snakey and completely ignorant. i hung out with 2 friends and we were talking about israel/palestine. i asked one of them “do you actually care about what’s going on?” and his answer was “yeah because i think about how it can affect us. will we be involved in the war? how far away are we from getting attacked?” i found myself dissatisfied, honestly disgusted with his answer. how do you make the loss of innocent lives about yourself? how is it that your concern stems from a completely self involved perspective? is expecting empathy out of people a completely unrealistic standard to have? am i the problem? am i overly sensitive? and then there’s the group of people that are silent throughout the conversation, that stay neutral and that pisses me off even more. at the same time i think it’s unfair when people condemn their followers for not posting about the war on social media. so i’m not happy when people don’t have an opinion, i’m not happy when people have the same opinion to mine but prescribe the way i show my support and i’m not happy when people’s opinions differ from mine- am i the problem?

now i know i’ve deviated a fair bit but that was to exemplify how it’s hard for me to find people that fit me. im fully aware im an acquired taste- im blunt, sometimes rude and insensitive to people’s feelings, i can usually take it and dish it but occasionally i can’t and i set off, im intolerant and im righteous. i look at a friend i’ve known since i was 6 and i see her spending her weekends with a new group of people every week and i wonder how she does it. 2 years ago i was envious, now not at all because she talks shit about her closest friends (and my “ex” lol) to me, and i know she does the same about me to other groups of friends. last year in cutting smithy off, i didn’t do it because i was angry/upset. i did it because i couldn’t find it in me to not talk shit about her after everything she’d done and she didn’t deserve that in a friendship. what’s the point of friendships if you talk shit? or do i have it all wrong? is part of friendship talking shit about each other behind each other’s backs and forgetting all you say when you’re sat in front of each other during brunch? this “ex” of mine jokes that i make “besties” really quickly only for that friendship to expire within a year. he isn’t wrong- i like people until i don’t. these days i realise that apart from ritik, the only people i actually enjoy having a conversation with are chloe, andrew, francis, my buddy at work and occasional messages from ex flings. i told ritik that i’m truly content working and studying hard so that i can make more money than i need to buy all the designer bags, shoes and jewellery i want. i asked him if i should feel like that’s sad because i really don’t. people like to make generic comments about rich people being lonely because “material goods can only do so much” but i think that’s something not-so-rich people say to make themselves feel better.

all this to say at 24, i don’t really understand friendship and i don’t exactly want to. for the first time i truly feel content with myself, that i can rely on myself. i genuinely love spending my weekends watching criminal minds and shopping for my next pair of manolos/jimmy choos. so maybe i do suck at friendships and maybe i am the problem but if the trade off is a a great career and a new pair of shoes every month and literal peace… i think i’m good.

[simplystevies]

oh no! I don’t remember exactly what i sent in but I know it was loki and i think tva!reader idk it was definitely loki tho???? probably something with a mix of fluffy and smutty? any thing you remember from it work be fine

I hate when I accidentally delete my stuff so don’t worry about it if you can’t remember (Bc I also can’t with scatter brain)

royalty

pairings || loki laufeyson x servant!f!reader

summary || you loved loki all your life, why does he seem to, only now, care about you?

warnings || 18+ minors dni, public sex, unprotected sex, sir kink, breeding kink, slight angst, oblivious mutual pining, pet names (princess, my love), lots of fluff, loki puts his hand over readers mouth, loki has a big cock.

note || yes i am using this ask, yes i am stupid for deleting the fic, yes i am in love with zee, yes i created this with her kinks in mind, yes i cried when i deleted the other fic, who says im not doing well? I HOPE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED, IM REALLY PROUD OF IT!

wc || 3k

you grew up around the allfather and his two sons, your mother was a servant for odin so you three were kept tight together most days. as you grew up, your mother started to distance you from the boys, confused why you asked, “but mother, they are my friends!”

“you are growing, my little love, you need to focus on yourself, you can see the boys on the weekends.” your mother was right, as always, you were growing. you were gaining curves, your chest had grown, you felt moody.

most days you didn’t even want to leave your bed. you always did when you heard the loud roar of loki’s screaming voice from outside. each morning loki would come and wake you up so you two could sit in the garden reading books.

you had grown to like— love loki, he was a nice man to you. he appreciated you and the time you two had together while you had it. thor on the other hand, you felt he lived in the moment.

loki lived for tomorrow, he went to bed at night thinking of what he would get up to the next day, thor went to be thinking how he fulfilled what needed to be done and that he was ready to go then and there.

you and loki had a simple relationship, sitting in the quietest spot of the garden as you two read a book, some days you would watch the children playing in the grass.

that all changed when you became loki’s servant. he was asked by his father to hire one himself, so he chose you to spend more time with you. to say you weren’t excited would’ve been a lie.

you got to be around loki almost all day and night, you could sleep in his bed if he needed you to. your little girl crush was blossoming into so much more.

some days loki would just ask you to spend time with him, taking a day off meant loki wanted to be around you, not have you washing his laundry.

those days meant sitting in the garden and enjoying the presence of each other as you read. with the amount you two read together, you were surprised there were still books to read.

you knew loki loved you, but you also knew he didn’t love you the way you loved him. you could see it in his eyes, the way they brightened at the sight of someone else.

her name was sylvie, she wasn’t royalty, but she definitely wasn’t help either. she was sweet, she was loveable and kind. that only made you hate her more. the way she smiled around loki.

it made your stomach turn in knots. you could tell she was in love with him, because you smiled like that too. you wanted her to feel how you feel, to be envious of you.

you didn’t quite understand your feelings for loki until you were a teenager, you just knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. of course, just because you had feelings for loki didn’t mean you were completely devoted to him.

you realised that your body was something of lust, men wanted you for your body and you were sure as hell going to give it to them. sometimes you even used a few men for a quick orgasm.

they wanted it too, so you didn’t see an issue with the situation. if you both wanted it, then there was no problem. the only problem you ever faced was making it out of a house quietly before everyone woke up.

loki knew of you relations with random men, often helping you pick a few out. this only made you believe that he didn’t feel the same for you at all, because he was so okay with you being with someone else.

sometimes loki would joke and say “well just do me.”, but you never accepted even though your heart screamed at you to. you knew he was joking by his loud laugh after he said it.

working for loki was usually a breeze, he would help you while you cleaned and help you with his laundry, he left barely any work for you, feeling like he would be taking advantage of you.

“loki, let me do it.. c’mon it’s my job.” you huffed, grabbing his bed sheets from him. “it’s only your job because i gave it to you.” he protested, fixing the pillows.

you sent him a glare before finishing the bed, waiting for him to finish the pillows before doing them yourself. loki sighed and picked one of the pillows up, throwing it at you.

“you are just giving me more work!” you groaned. loki smiled and walked out of his room, clearly waiting for you to walk with him. once you were finished you fixed yourself before rushing out to him.

loki smiled as he saw you, walking with you towards the front of the castle. “where will we be heading?” you asked, putting your hands behind your back. loki scoffed at your curiosity.

“only to the gardens, of course, as we usually do after work.” loki said, leading you to library. “but, i still have a few more hours, i have to wash the clothes and—“ loki stopped you by turning in front of you.

he looked you up and down, with a look you couldn’t figure out. “i said, as we usually do after work, meaning, you are free for the day.” loki said, cocking his head to the library.

you sighed and walked in with him, knowing there was no way to get out of this. you two picked out a book each, walking to the garden. you two sat in the perfectly green grass.

your head was on loki’s shoulder as you two read through the books. loki looked up from his book, looking over at the children running around. “i would love a family, of my own.”

you looked up at him confused. “you have a family, loki, your brother? your father? your mother?” you sat up slightly. loki chuckled and shook his head. “have they not told you? i was adopted.” he said.

you pouted and looked into his eyes. “i’m sorry loki, i didn’t know.” you whispered, giving him a sympathetic look. loki shook his head and watched the children. “it’s fine, honestly.”

he gave you a wide smile before shrugging. “i want a family, with a woman, like you maybe.. with two children, a boy and a little princess, that i would spoil.” you zoned out completely.

he said he wanted a family.. with a woman like you. you didn’t hear anything he said after that, you were too busy being completely love drunk.

loki continued speaking about his dream family, while you were hopelessly falling in love with him more and more, nodding occasionally. you loved it when loki spoke about what he loved.

loki eventually stopped talking, looking at you like he asked a question. “sorry, i completely zoned out, could you repeat yourself please?” you asked, leaving over his lap. “would you like a family?”

you smiled slightly, biting you lip. “yeah i’d love one, especially with a guy like you.” you nodded. loki seemed disappointed, looking down slightly. “what?” you asked, sitting up.

“you have feelings for thor, don’t you?” he asked. you looked at him confused, shaking your head. “what? where did you get that from?” you asked. loki shrugged and bit his lip.

“you always hang out with me, but when you’re with thor you’re completely different and quieter and you always blow me off when i ask to hook up.” he explained. your mouth hung open in surprise.

he was asking you to hook up. he was jealous of thor. he liked you. you gulped. “i don’t really have feelings for anyone, especially not thor.” you said, going back to your book.

“will you go to the ball?” loki blurted. your head snapped up to him. “what? as your partner?” you asked, shock laced in your face. “no, i’m taking sylvie but.. i want you to be there.”

your heart broke as you nodded, chewing on your lip. “i have to go home.. to get ready.” you said, putting the book in loki’s lap and walking away. loki watched you confused, you never left like that.

you always walked back to the library with him, you never left your book with him. he brushed it off, getting up and going to the library by himself to put the books back. it felt weird.

as loki was getting ready, the room felt empty, your loud laugh wasn’t there, your small commentary on what he wore wasn’t either. you weren’t there. he felt lost without you, like a piece of him was missing.

he got up from the chair, walking to his room. he peaked out, hoping to see you, but instead he found sylvie smiling widely. “oh! hi! i was about to knock.” loki prayed his disappointment wasn’t shown on his face.

he gave her a flat smile before nodding. “shall we go then?” he asked, sticking out his arm. sylvie smiled and took his hand, walking with him to the ball.

loki searched for you, looking through every crevice of the area for your sweet smile and beautiful voice. he couldn’t find you, which made him more and more nervous that he did something.

eventually, fandral showed up with a massive smile on his face. loki watched him closely, waiting for anything to happen for some reason. then, a hand slid around his arm. he knew.

he knew by the painted fingernails, the bracelet around her wrist, how the dress sat on her shoulders, how it fell under her knees, how the necklace around her neck was shining in the light.

how the colour of her lipstick made her lips look more kissable, the colour of her blush complimented her eyes, the colour of her eyeshadow brought his eyes to hers.

she was you. she was the perfect definition of you. you were standing next— clung to fandral. loki wanted to walk over and strangle him, taking his anger out on the glass in his hand. he squeezed and squeezed.

a loud smash was heard and loki’s hand almost immediately turned red from his blood. “oh my gosh! loki, your hand!” sylvie panicked, grabbing a napkin and covering his hand.

he didn’t care. you were looking at him, that’s all he cared about. your eyes were glued to his as fandral ranted to you. loki felt his hand being cleaned up, as well as the glass around him.

the only person that mattered to him was you. the entire room went dark as you two started to float into the darkness. you walked over to him slowly, placing your hand on his shoulder.

you looked between his eyes and his lips before leaning up and placing your lips against his. “loki!” sylvie shook him. he snapped out of his day dream, looking down at his hand being wrapped up.

“you were out of it for a bit, are you feeling unwell?” sylvie asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. he looked over at you, you were gone. you weren’t standing there looking at him anymore.

loki nodded and looked back down at his hand that was now fully bandaged. “i’m going to.. i’m going to go out and get some fresh air, i’ll return soon.” he mumbled, backing away from everything.

he walked to the entrance, looking back down and instantly making eye contact with you. he clenched his jaw. you were watching him and he knew. he nodded slightly before leaving the crowded ballroom.

you sighed as you looked back at fandral. “fandral, i need to go out for a breath, could you excuse me?” you asked. fandral nodded, kissing your cheek before letting go of your waist.

almost instantly, he attached himself to another woman. you should’ve felt bad, but you felt a sense of relief as you walked out to loki. he was standing in the moonlight, leaning on the balcony balustrade.

they used to be white, now they were slightly stained a light beige. loki turned around, his eyes widened for a quick second but you caught them. “you look— hi.” loki smiled.

you gave him a small smile as you rubbed your arm. “if i said something earlier—“ he started, putting his hand out. “no, no you didn’t i’m okay, you just.. it was me.” you said, trying not to tell him about your feelings.

loki gave you a warm smile, something that was rare from him. “i missed you, when i was getting ready, it was boring without that and— and i realised something.” he spoke.

you looked at him confused before he walked over to you. he took your hand, putting it on his shoulder. you were even more confused now. he leaned in slowly, placing his soft lips against yours.

the kiss was soft, slow and passionate. loki’s hand moved to your cheek, pulling away to look for any sign to stop. you have him none, so he leaned in and kissed you again.

you sighed into the kiss, putting your other hand on the side of his neck. “loki..” you whispered as you pulled away. loki shook his head and put his forehead against yours. “i realised i’m in love with you,”

you bit your lip and looked into his eyes. “i have been in love with you ever since we met, i love you, y/n.” he finished. you smiled and kissed him again, feeling like you were in heaven.

before he knew it, loki was back in the same place of darkness with you lighting it up, your lips on his and he was the happiest he ever was. he was brought back to reality by you pulling away.

loki shook his head and lifted you up by the back of your thighs, walking you to the balustrade, placing you on top of it. loki kissed down you neck, pulling the straps of you dress off you arms, pulling the dress down slowly.

“fuck.. where’s your bra baby? hm?” he asked, his lips connecting with your left nipple. you threw your head back, moaning slightly as you shut your eyes. loki smirked as he moved to the other.

his teeth rolled against your nipple before he licked around it. you squeezed your legs around his waist. “loki, we are in public, someone could see us.” you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“call me sir, princess, i need to hear you say it.” he whispered, his lips attaching to your chest. you nodded and pulled on his long black hair. “yes sir, need you inside of me.. please.”

loki groaned at how needy you sounded, how you begged for him. it made him weak. who was he to deny you something you both wanted? he unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants.

you both looked down at his underwear, watching his hard cock spring out. “oh fuck sir.. you’re going to rip me apart.” you gushed. loki smirked, his hands moving to your back to keep you propped up.

your hands were gripping his shoulders, waiting for him patiently. loki moved one of his hands down your chest, moving it to your thighs before up to your dripping cunt. he laced his fingers around the string of your thong.

“a thong? for fandral?” he teased, pulling it down roughly. you gasped, pulling him into your body. “oh, look, speak of the devil, hm?” loki looked over the ledge to see fandral chatting with some women.

you blushed and looked over with him. it was a long drop, one you were not willing to take. loki moved the thong over the ledge, giving you a wide smirk. “loki, no!” you gasped as he dropped it.

loki chuckled and lifted you from the balustrade, bringing you to the other side. “we don’t want them to suspect us, now do we?” he teased, pushing into you almost immediately after the sentence.

you moaned out, throwing your head back as your hand pulled loki in to your chest. the two of you sat in silence, your small gasps and the wind blowing was the only thing being heard.

loki moved his hips slowly, making sure you were okay with everything. “f-faster, sir.” you begged, pushing your head into his shoulder. loki obliged with your command and started to thrust harder.

“w-we need to hurry.. sir, people would be— they would look for you.” you moaned, only making loki chuckle. “the only one looking for me would be sylvie, but she doesn’t matter, you’re all that matters.”

your cheeks grew hot as your mouth gaped, loki had bottomed out, effortlessly hitting every spot where you needed him the most. you wanted to scream but you knew you two would get caught and probably banished from the planet.

loki’s hand covered your mouth, allowing you to moan into his hand. your eyes rolled to the back of you head as loki continuously thrusted into you at a rough and quick pace.

“so desperate for you, i need to— i need to bury myself inside of you.” loki whimpered, his head resting on your neck. the moment felt so right, your hands pulled him in closer, begging for more.

loki provided, his hand going down and rubbing your clit roughly. your legs began to shake as you felt your orgasm coming on. “sir.. sir!” you cried out, making his hand press on your mouth harder

“shh, i know, i know my love, i know.” he cooed, rubbing your head as he quickened his thrusts. “fuck!” you squealed, throwing your head back as you came against his hips.

loki nodded, slowly thrusting his way to his own orgasm, thrusting it inside of you. once you two calmed down, loki placed his forehead against yours, making you smile.

“loki! loki! where are you?” sylvie’s voice sounded from the door. loki groaned and pulled away, pulling his underwear and pants up before looking back at you.

“i love you, please, come to my chambers after the ball, i shall see you then, my love.” loki said, taking your hand and kissing your knuckles. you bit your lip and nodded, watching as he walked away.

[neowinestainedress]

hey im back again as a functioning individual and im here to unpack my thoughts on shattered glasses

first off, i love how this fic got dark with all the stalking and yandere behaviors like it can be so fun to read, though i know that it is just to show what a horrible person jeno is but i want more it (im sorry theres something wrong with my head 😭). and wow, their relationship is not exactly the same as the first part because in this, y/n can actually dare to ignore jeno or his calls and texts, and she lied about things too (like im sorry im just so shocked because idk if im dumb or just forgetful but how long was the jump from rose-colored glasses to shattered glasses???) because why do i feel like she is a different person even tho she is still the same naive and manipulated girl like uGHHHH!!! jeno too, i know it was in the tags but i was also surprised to him being a teeny tiny bit romantic to y/n?!?!?? with his “how lucky am i to have you” or “you truly are the best thing that happened to me” even tho we all truly know why he said that :/ it just amazes me how fast jeno can turn the tables around when the both of them are fighting and how y/n quickly apologizes like when she told him that her friends know about their relationship!?! like girl, y/n stand up please why the hell are you afraid of him leaving you. but i guess i can understand her cause a bit(?) of her childhood and her relationship with her parents has been revealed. and god her father infuriates me so much 😪 (istg the psych major in me is about to unleash and make a wholeass case study on her and jeno :3) i know she doesnt have a good relationship with her brother but like jaemin infuriates me too like i was scoffing and rolling my eyes the whole time i reading through their interaction with y/n like its great he’s concerned, also cause jeno is his best friend so he knows how horrible he is but !!! at least y/n was able to wake tf up on how toxic her relationship with jeno really is. and the ending too !!! idk why i find it hard to believe everything that came out of jeno’s mouth in that scene because really, he was envious of y/n?!??!? what kinda bs is he making her believe now :/// but then again, there’s probably an explanation or theory on why the both of them turned out that way (nnghh im sorry again 😭) apparently there’s something wrong with y/n’s head too because in that scene where jeno admitted to stalking her and beating jaehyun up, she stayed and didnt leave him like that is actually so SOOO scary irl omg please what the fuck is the spell jeno put on her. i am intrigued curious looking forward on what happens next and i cant wait for the day y/n actually breaks free from jeno’s chains just as much as he is free from his demons >< tho i just read your answer to my previous ask and i respect your decision on not writing a third part for this series. i just wanna say that i enjoyed this fic and series very very very much like i actually passed an activity late because as i said i couldnt function after reading this last night. i literally was huffing and puffing unconsciously thinking of y/n’s life choices and a huge part of my day was spent zoning out trying to think of the events in this fic or like what will it take for her to actually have the guts to leave him.

ANYWAY!!! im sorry this got too long, it just seriously affected me 🥹 but yeah, have a good day and i hope you never lose your passion for writing 🫶🏽 i will probably be going through your masterlist and try to forget that i have a life outside of my bedroom. -♏️

ps: can i be ♏️ anon if its okay with you?!?

first off, i love how this fic got dark with all the stalking and yandere behaviors like it can be so fun to read, though i know that it is just to show what a horrible person jeno is but i want more it (im sorry theres something wrong with my head 😭)

no i agree, i think it's interesting to dig deep into these things. morally grey characters will never bore me and also it's kinda therapeutic, idk, it gives me the illusion i'd be able to point out similar behaviours irl and don't fall in the trap.

it has been 6 months since the end of rose-colored glasses. i think it feels different because in the first part they weren't dating until more than half of the story. like she was the worst hopeless romantic on earth and he was (still is) the biggest asshole so their relationship was less serious, unlike this part. also in the first part, she was the only one that seemed in love so maybe now it looks like she's less blindly in love just because jeno is the one that lost his mind. in my mind she is a bit stronger though, for example when they fight after coming back from the club, she snaps back and tries to leave and she is also quite firm about it but jeno's manipulative skills are just too strong. surely you know it better than me since you studied psychology (my high school years are not enough, sorry) but he switches from attacking her to loving her (love bombing her or telling her she is the one that doesn't know how to love) as soon as he realizes he's losing control, and it works because on the other hand, as soon as she gets a bit of love everything else disappears (we will blame her father for that). the only thing that seems like a red flag for her is the bet, though, she realizes he's maybe lying to her only when that thought crosses her mind and it sucks because she seriously cannot see anything else. the same thing happens in the end, she's terrified he's the cause of everything but when he confesses she stays anyway and comforts him. also she thinks he's lying but then she's like 'oh, but he finally opened up with me so all the lies he fed me with don't matter anymore,' i want to hug her and drag her out of there.

and god her father infuriates me so much 😪 (istg the psych major in me is about to unleash and make a wholeass case study on her and jeno :3)

PLEASE DO IT i might need it if i'll write more

jaemin is... jaemin. i mean i don't want to defend jeno but let's be honest, it might be true that he also just wants to come between her apparent happiness, until ningning brought it up he was like ??? my sister??? is she here??? is she at home??? idc *shrugs* so yes, he's becoming more protective but i truly think that the only people she can trust are ning and yeri. also the 'funny' thing is that jaemin doesn't truly know how terrible jeno is. nobody, except her now, knows it so jaemin wants to protect her from things that aren't as problematic as the reality.

idk why i find it hard to believe everything that came out of jeno’s mouth in that scene because really, he was envious of y/n?!??!? what kinda bs is he making her believe now :/// but then again, there’s probably an explanation or theory on why the both of them turned out that way (nnghh im sorry again 😭) apparently there’s something wrong with y/n’s head too because in that scene where jeno admitted to stalking her and beating jaehyun up, she stayed and didnt leave him like that is actually so SOOO scary irl omg please what the fuck is the spell jeno put on her.

jeno is genuine in this one, as genuine as a person with manipulation as a love language can be lmao. but the last part of their fight was truly a confession. i don't want to spoil in case i might actually write another part but yes, he has something that's clinically wrong, and she has something too. they both clearly have unresolved traumas to work with. it is scary that she didn't leave, but for me is actually sad because she craves love so much that she'd rather stay there, even if jeno 'gave her'* an opportunity to leave than find healthy love. * we all know he would've started stalking her again but at least the illusion of freedom and than she could've always sued him.

i am intrigued curious looking forward on what happens next and i cant wait for the day y/n actually breaks free from jeno’s chains just as much as he is free from his demons >< tho i just read your answer to my previous ask and i respect your decision on not writing a third part for this series. i just wanna say that i enjoyed this fic and series very very very much like i actually passed an activity late because as i said i couldnt function after reading this last night. i literally was huffing and puffing unconsciously thinking of y/n’s life choices and a huge part of my day was spent zoning out trying to think of the events in this fic or like what will it take for her to actually have the guts to leave him.

i am too actually, i'm just a bit sad because it really underperformed (is this even the term? idk, i'm tired sorry) and i'm a bit meh :/ since i was really proud of it and i seriously enjoyed writing it. i'll write another part just for the two of us okay??? /j (or am i??) no but seriously i have the plot ready so maybe i'll write it taking more time and then i'll post it anyway. btw i'm very happy to know you liked it so much, i'm sorry i broke you, i'll make it up in some other ways. so thank you so much for unpacking your thoughts, i loved reading them! i also hope i won't lose it but life is putting me through a hard test lately. i hope you will read something that won't 'traumatize' you like this one, i promise i have lighter stories. have an amazing day! ♡♡

and yes you can be ♏️ anon ♡

[cuippedtea]

HOOOOOOLY SHIT OK OK OK-

IM GOING INSANE

OK SO. FIRST PIECE. IT IS *SO* DAMN CUTE!!!!!! You have such a yummy artstyle I’m so envious. The little plushies are everything to me and I’m honestly in love with your coloring. I also love how you draw… them face,,, I like the little differences like the different nose shape. Jimmies fit is also so so so cute I would wear it. I love the star earring, and the patches up pants especially. I’m general, this is a really cute piece and I like it a lot ;w;

The Cleo drawing is also really cool!!! Her fit is PEAK. It looks like a combination of her Medusa skin and her normal skin, which I enjoy a lot!!!!!! The coloring/shading once again,,, chefs kiss. Loving her and her smug grin!!!!

AND THIRD!! THE. J. JIZZIE PIECE (I FORGOT THAT WAS THEIR SHIP NAME). This is very, very, very sweet I love their expressions, with Lizzie looking away a bit while Joel stared at her face, augh. I LOVE UR JOEL DESIGN BTW!!!! He’s very cute in ur style and I like the little green antenna-like things. Also once again!!! Another banger fit!!! Here from Lizzie!!! I love the top with the cropped jacket, as well with the cuffs of her sleeves it’s so simple yet very charming and pretty. I love ur design for her too, the braids and black nails and butterfly clip feel like something I want for myself SO bad and she’s so cool and so girlboss and girl slay. I also just adore the stylized blush marks, it ties the style of this piece together really well.

And lastly (for now)!!!! Holy heck dancy ranchers!!!!! I really like that I get to see more of ur artstyle here because it’s honestly such a charming style. The poses slot together really well together and the general vibe of the piece is just. Casual intimacy. Fun intimacy!!! ALSO!!!!! AN ABSOLUTE B A N G E R IDEA OF HAVING A LIGHTSOURCE BE FROM TANGOS TAIL!!!! INCREDIBLY SMART!!! General feelings: I am kicking my legs like a school girl because this is so cute!! Dancing along to the jukebox,, gah I’m such a sucker for dancing stuff.

(I will reblog again when I finish the fic!!! However I saw this around 5:30 am and I have little time to read it fully and thoroughly with what time I have now. Ur post did wake me up a lot tho, so thank you!!!)

Thank you SO much for the amount of pieces you’ve given here, it means a lot and I loved the secret valentine messages too!!! I’m very excited to read the fic.

A very secret @mcyt-valentines gift, for a very Secret Valentines. Happy Valentine's day @cuippedtea !!

For your gifts ... look below the read more ..

This was made pre-fic, and was basically the inspiration for the fic, which you can read : here.

As by the title of-course, it was also somewhat inspired by the song Anyone Else But You by The Moldy Peaches.

I wasn't totally satisfied with this either... Therefore.. I made this.

[Inspired by the OG Double Life series with Ranchers Duo. The playlist isn't inspired by the fic, nor connected to it at all. Just songs that remind me of them, or that I think the Ranchers would listen to themselves.]

And, some doodles,

Your faves (duos + singular), as listed on your message! [ft. the album cover for the rancher's playlist]

This might seem like a lot, but I am a perfectionist at heart and I felt like my fic + my OG drawing wasn't my best work. I really hope you enjoy my gifts !! I really enjoyed branching out. I don't really draw anyone here much.

I'll repost this after you respond (if you do) with some extra notes that I don't want to spoil.

For now, I'm just going to go to bed.

Happy Valentine's Day :-).

[thrillridesz]

all i want for christmas | eric

in part of the deobi secret santa project and dedicated as a gift to @channiewoo​ ✨ ( i hope you like it >< i tried my best! )

➳ pairing: college student!eric x reader ( ft juyeon, kevin, chanhee and sangyeon with jacob mentions! )

➳ genre: fluff, fantasy, time travel!au, time loop!au, christmas!au, university!au, love triangle!au ( ish? )

➳ warnings: n/a (PG13)

➳ word count: 4.6k

➳ inspo: lotus inn by why don’t we

➳ fic playlist: all i want for christmas - big time rush ft miranda cosgrove | lotus inn - why don’t we | christmassy! - the boyz | you belong with me - taylor swift | crush - david archuleta

a/n : this is my christmas secret santa gift to eri @channiewoo​  ^^ also hi, i’m your theb secret santa! thank you for being such a sweet person to talk to throughout this month and honestly you really made my first secret santa here on tumblr pretty memorable! i know we’ve just exchanged a few asks here and there but i genuinely did like talking to you though im not the most frequent secret santa anon out there >< i sincerely hope you can forgive me for that. but anyways, i hope you like your gift!!

+ also unedited for now because i really wanted to post this on christmas day... and tags are still not working but i don’t want to delay this any longer

The Christmas spirit could be felt in all corners of the house that night as the sweet aroma of freshly baked cookies and crackling log fire from the fireplace wafted in the air while party guests swayed to the upbeat  Christmas music playing on the stereo and chatted merrily amongst themselves. Outside, fine white snow was falling and against the black canvas of the night sky, it made the streets seem almost serene and even beautiful. Looking out, one could easily feel the Christmas mood as neighbours held their own christmas parties and family gatherings. Everywhere they looked, they would see beautifully decorated houses adorned with Christmas wreaths and intricate fairy lights. Sometimes, one would even see the occasional snowmans displayed out in the neighbours’ yards, covered in scarves and hats with the ever familiar carrot nose. From a distance a few doors down, one could also hear singing - a telltale sign of the local group of Christmas carolers making their rounds in the neighbourhood like they did every year.

This was what Christmas is all about - enjoying good food with loved ones, receiving amazing gifts, going door to door caroling and feeling at home with the people you appreciate and cherish while the winter snow falls outside. Yet, Eric felt anything but. In fact, his heart was pounding against his chest as he sipped nervously at his mug of hot apple cider. Around him, the party guests were mingling and laughing at the college Christmas party as they shared funny stories from the year they had, feeling particularly merry. Normally, it would have been easy for him to get in the mood but not this time.

“I don’t get what you’re so nervous about.” Kevin said, shaking his head. “Why can’t you just talk to her?”

“I don’t want to make a fool out of myself. What if I mess up?” He replied despondently, his eyes softening as he glanced at you from across the room.

There you were - decked out in a cute Christmas outfit just standing by the fireplace, your hair falling around your face and framing it, looking more beautiful than he had remembered. The smile on your face made his heart flutter ever so slightly and he could feel his face grow warmer despite having a huge mug of apple cider just in front of him. The santa hat you wore added just that little touch of sweetness and adorableness to you and Eric couldn’t help but feel his heart start to pound in his chest. If you weren’t already stunning to him, you were breathtakingly beautiful to him now. Every little smile or shy glance made his heart beat just a little faster and he reached up to clutch softly as his chest.

“It’s better than not trying at all, Eric.” Kevin pointed out, taking a bite out of his gingerbread cookie. “You ought to have a little bit more faith in yourself.”

Eric sighed in resignation. “It’s so much easier talking about it than actually doing it. Everytime I think about doing it, I chicken out. I just can’t seem to stop fearing about possibly screwing it up, Kev.”

Kevin regarded him with a sympathetic look before patting him reassuringly on the shoulder. “I understand. Look man, if you don’t feel ready then you don’t have to force yourself to talk to her.”

“I promised myself that today would be the day.”

“Yeah, I know you did but still, you don’t have to force yourself. Your face is turning pale from the anxiety.” The latter said, concerned.

“It is?” Eric asked, alarmed as he quickly turned to the window beside him, checking out his reflection. He narrowed his eyes as he reached up to ruffle his hair in an attempt to make it look somewhat better though all it did was make it seem more tousled.

Kevin watched him, chuckling softly. Men in love are truly a different breed.

“Hey, Kev! I nearly forgot, do you want to listen to my newly curated Christmas playlist? I’ve been meaning to ask but I couldn’t find you.” Sangyeon suddenly appeared from behind the duo, with a joyous grin on his face. Kevin gave Eric a questioning look which he waved away.

“I’ll be fine.” He smiled.

“Alright… If you need anything, just call me!” Kevin said, casting him a last fleeting glance as he walked away with Sangyeon.

Holding the mug of hot apple cider close to his chest, Eric leaned against the cold glass panel of the window, staring out listlessly despite the steady pounding of his heart. He shot a furtive glance in your direction and quickly looked away, his cheeks reddening. At this rate, it would not be long before he turned as red as Rudolph’s nose.

“Get a grip, Eric. Why are you being such a wimp?” He chided himself. Looking around, Eric couldn’t help but observe his surroundings wistfully.

Everyone was seemingly in their element - snacking on Christmas snacks, dancing and just having fun. By the boombox, he watched as Hyunjae engaged in conversation with a girl who he did not recognise. The way they were laughing and the way she so flirtatiously slapped him on the shoulder, giggling at something Hyunjae said made Eric feel so deeply envious. Even from where he was, the smitten look on her face was undeniable and he wondered why he couldn’t have been more of a ladies’ man like Hyunjae was. Things would have been so much easier for him. Why is it that whenever it came to you he was suddenly the most awkward person to grace the face of this earth? It just didn’t make sense to him.

Sighing, he took another sip of his hot apple cider, feeling the liquid burn at the back of his throat. Suddenly, he frowned, his eyes narrowing. Who was that?

He had one of the most attractive faces Eric had ever seen - with soft, fine dark hair, a strong build and a warm smile that simply lit up the room. There he was, talking to you and you sliding your hand over his shoulder, not in a seductive or flirtatious way but in a friendly way though it was still enough to spark jealousy in Eric’s heart. He watched intently as you leaned in to whisper something in his year, his smile growing wider at your words.

Eric longed to know what the two of you were talking about, his grip on his mug growing tighter and firmer.

“Lost your chance, buddy.”

Swivelling around, Eric nearly spilled his apple cider as he turned to face a pink haired boy with an upturned nose. He didn’t remember seeing him around but there was something odd about him that Eric couldn’t quite put his finger on. Not to mention, that statement really did rub him off the wrong way.

“Excuse me?” His tone was slightly icy as he furrowed his brows together, frowning at the stranger in front of him.

“Didn’t you want to talk to her?” The boy asked, taking a swig of his hot chocolate, seemingly not noticing the confused look Eric was shooting him.

“Do I know you?”

“Oh right! I’m sorry, I should have introduced myself. How rude of me… I’m Chanhee but you can call me New. Everyone does,” he smiled warmly, “you’re Eric?”

Eric narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Yes? How do you know my name?”

“I just do. I know everyone,” He waved away his question nonchalantly, “I see you have a Christmas sweetheart.”

He tipped his mug in your direction and Eric felt his face grow hotter, annoyance setting in at the same time.

“How is that any of your business?” He snapped, his tone indignant and confrontational.

“I am here to help so watch your tone around me.” New rolled his eyes, looking at him in disdain though there was a twinkle in his eyes as he continued, “I can help you get the girl.”

Eric cast you a sideway glance before turning back to New with a skeptical expression. Whoever this guy was, he was weird, odd. Yet, the proposal he had proposed was a tempting one and despite himself, he felt inclined to listen. Watching you from afar, Eric’s heart sank just a little deeper as the guy you were talking to suddenly reached up to brush your hair away from your face, the both of you looking into each other’s eyes as he did. The irritation and jealousy he felt came back stronger than ever and before he knew it, the words were out of his mouth before he even knew it.

“How can you help?”

At his words, New grinned, drawing a small crystal vial from his pocket. The vial was filled with a mysterious sparkly, glowy pink liquid and smelled distinctively of roasted chestnuts though Eric was almost a thousand percent sure the liquid was not made of any kind of roasted chestnuts in any shape or form. As New popped open the cap, the scent grew even stronger and Eric shot him an alarmed look.

“What is that? A drug?!” Looking around frantically, it felt like nobody was paying the two of them any attention, being too preoccupied with their own conversations. How is nobody noticing this?

“Calm down and don’t get your panties in a twist.” New scoffed, “It’s a time travel potion. Or a time loop potion if you will.”

This guy is actually crazy. Eric almost wanted to laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of it all but barely managed to suppress it.

“Okay…?”

“Yup, I made it myself. Took me like half a year to brew it to perfection but it should work now. I followed each step really closely so there should be no problems.”

“Yeah, sure man. Thanks for wasting my time. If you don’t mind, I’ll be leaving. Thanks for the false hope.” Eric grumbled, taking his leave and not even bothering to consider the chagrined look on New’s face. Mayhaps Christmas is not his time either. He wondered how long this would drag on. When Valentine’s Day rolled around, he chickened out and said ‘next time’. When Halloween rolled around, he chickened out yet again and promised to make a move by Thanksgiving yet when Thanksgiving rolled around, he settled for Christmas. Now…

“Maybe it’s just not meant to be. Maybe I’m just too much of a coward.” He whispered to himself, pushing his way through the crowd of people. As he took yet another sip of his hot apple cider, he couldn’t help but keep his eye on you. The way you were now looping your arms over the guy’s neck and the way he had his large hands on your waist made Eric want to leave the party. If only he had a little bit more faith…

“What time is it anyways?” He murmured to himself, wanting more than anything to leave.

9:04pm. Damn. It wouldn’t be until two hours later for the party to end. Sure, he could always leave early but he would hate to be seen as disrespectful to everyone else especially Jacob, the host of this lovely party.

He stared at the mug of hot apple cider he had in his hand, scrunching up his nose at the taste of it.

Was it just him or did it taste slightly… Off?

Eric gazed at it for a moment before he shook his head. I’m overthinking everything, he thought. However as he stood over the snack table, he felt a sharp pain at the back of his head. It was like having someone slap him at his head before his vision turned blurry. His limbs were beginning to go soft and his mouth dry. What was happening? He blinked rapidly but to no avail. It felt like he was falling in a deep pit…

When he opened his eyes again, everything felt fine. Patting himself lightly on the face, he looked around his surroundings in confusion. Just what was that? Did he imagine all of that? The mug of hot apple cider was still in his hands and the reindeer horns band was still on his head. He was wearing the same clothes and everything had become clear, there were no more blurry visions. The pounding in his head had stopped and it felt like whatever happened earlier was merely a figment of his own imagination.

“Eric…? Eric!”

The voice shook him from his stupor and with a start, he lifted his head to see Kevin regarding him with a questioning look on his face.

“You okay? You zoned out for a minute and I mean, really zoned out.”

“Y-Yeah… Aren’t you supposed to go listen to Sangyeon’s playlist or something?”

Kevin raised an eyebrow.

“What playlist?”

Eric frowned. “Didn’t Sangyeon ask you to listen to his Christmas playlist?”

“Um… No? Even if he has one, he hasn’t asked me yet.”

Eric looked at Kevin with confusion in his eyes. What was going on? Last he remembered, that was exactly what happened. Swivelling around, the confusion got even stronger when he saw you standing all alone at the other corner of the house. Were you not with that guy?

Instantly, he remembered what New had said. “Time travel potion…” He mumbled under his breath, his eyes widening when the realisation dawned upon. No way…

Whipping out his phone, it felt like his heart was about to pound right out of his chest when he saw the time. His throat felt dry and tight as he stared, unable to believe his eyes.

8:46pm.

Eric suddenly recalled the weird taste he had gotten in his cider and instinctively, his hand reached up to cover his mouth. There was no other explanation for this other than the fact that one, that New or was it Kyu guy had not been lying when he spoke of a time travel potion and two, he had slipped him the potion on purpose when he wasn’t looking. He could feel the anger bubble up within him - the nerve of that guy! With pure, unadulterated fury in his eyes, his gaze swept across the room, looking for him. Kevin looked on, thoroughly puzzled.

“...Eric? Are you okay? You’ve got a weird look on your face.” He asked, concerned. “Eric?”

All anger had just dissipated from his being as his sights finally landed on you. There you were, standing all alone at the fireplace with a drink in your hand while your friend danced. The look on your face was one of loneliness and even from a mile away, anyone could tell you looked extremely awkward at having been left alone while she swayed up against Haknyeon, a guy he recognised from his Medieval History module.

From the corner of his eye, he could see the same dark haired guy he had seen approach you ‘earlier’. Following his gaze, Eric could feel his stomach drop as he realised that they were on you. From his body language, it was clear that he was about to make his way over and take his chances with you.

Just then, a voice at the back of his mind whispered softly.

“What are you waiting for?”

Taking a deep breath, Eric squared his shoulders and hurriedly straightened the jacket he was wearing. This is it. This is actually it. He was going to do it. His legs were moving now, one step after another in large strides towards you. The sound of his heart pounding was practically deafening to his ears and he could feel his legs turning into lead, each footstep heavier than the next. Squeezing past the crowd, another voice - this time insistent and panicky - suddenly cried out.

“No, don’t do this! What if you embarrass yourself and make yourself out to be a fool?”

Eric’s face paled. No, this is a mistake. What was he doing?

“Hello?”

Shaking out of his thoughts, Eric almost jumped back in shock at the sight of you just right in front of him. Before he even realised it, he had made his way over. It is now too late to back out. Had he been standing there like an idiot this whole time?

“I-I… Hey!” He squeaked out, his heart almost leaping out of his chest.

“You’re Eric right? Eric Sohn from Professor Kim’s introduction to accounting class?” You asked kindly.

From the corner of his eye, he could see the guy from ‘earlier’ approaching, pushing past the crowd and judging from his demeanour… It seemed like the competition was still in the game.

He needed to pull this off.

“Yeah, I am. Y/n right? It’s a pretty cool party, isn’t it?”

“Mhm! Pretty great so far! My friend is over there dancing but I’m not much of a party dancer so here I am,” you smiled and Eric almost forgot what he was about to say.

“I-”

“Hey, how are you guys enjoying the party?”

Eric looked up and his brows furrowed into an annoyed and anxious ‘v’. The dark haired competition merely grinned back at him though there was a certain glint in his eyes which made Eric clench his jaw tightly. It was the sort of gaze that was long enough to send a goading message - game on.

He smiled and extended a hand towards you, completely ignoring Eric. “I’m Juyeon, roommate of Jacob’s. I saw you from afar and thought I’d come say hi.”

You shook his hand, oblivious to the tension between the two guys. “I’m y/n. It’s nice to meet you.”

Juyeon briefly lifted his gaze to Eric and without anyone’s notice but his, he winked slyly.

“Revolting.” Eric thought angrily.

“I heard they have some really cool peppermint treats at the candy table, wanna come?” Juyeon asked and quickly Eric said, “I heard they have a great log cake at the snack bar though. I’ve heard people raving about it!”

You looked at the both of them, seemingly a little disconcerted. “Uh… I…” Juyeon shot Eric a scathing look which he returned with a smug smile.

“Who doesn’t love a good old log cake?” He asked, to which Juyeon rolled his eyes at.

“I mean… I do love peppermint…” You trailed off and Eric turned to you with wide eyes as big as saucers and Juyeon’s lips lifted into a smug smile.

“Excellent choice! I hear they have so many varieties…” Juyeon chattered on, placing his arm over your shoulder, leaving poor Eric speechless and red faced, watching helplessly as the two of you walked away from him. Turning behind you, you had an apologetic look on your face but said nothing.

“That’s too bad. I was rooting for you, you know?”

Eric swivelled around to find New standing behind him yet again, this time chewing on a piece of toffee. The time on his watch was clear as day as the red, glowing digits stared right back at him - 9:04pm. It had come full circle. He had the chance to turn things around but he had failed. Somehow, the nonchalant look in New’s face irritated him but he tried to remain calm. His gaze drifted down to the bulge in the man’s jacket pocket, tracing the faint outline of the tiny vial that contained the potion from earlier.

“At least we know now that I’m legit, right?” He winked at Eric, smirking as he did though it dropped when he saw the look on the latter’s face.

“Why are you-”

“Please, give me one more chance. Please just let me turn back time this one more time.” He pleaded. Eric was not one to plead but this time, he was feeling particularly desperate.

New looked at him like he had just sprouted an extra head before he burst out laughing.

“How’s that for a turn of the tables, Mr ‘thank you for wasting my time’?” He asked, still giggling. Clearly, he was taking much joy in this new dynamic - something Eric didn’t look too pleased about though he was not about to act on it. After all, it was New’s potion that allowed him this one more chance which he had quite unspectacularly let slip from his grasp.

“Alright, I suppose I could let you try this one more time though I’ll definitely be charging for your next usage.” New sighed, whipping out the vial. “I did want you to succeed after all.”

As Eric gulped down his drink, the familiar feeling of dizziness washed over him yet again, along with the looseness in his limbs and before he knew it, he found himself standing right where he was with you standing where you were previously.

This time, Eric squared his shoulders and ran a hand nervously through his hair. There you were yet again, standing by the fireplace with that drink in your hand.

“No hesitation this time,” he whispered to himself before he made his way over. He barely even paid attention to Juyeon coming in from the side as he struck up a conversation.

“Hey, y/n from professor Kim’s introduction to accounting right?”

You turned to him, looking a little surprised before you smiled warmly at him.

“Yeah! Eric, is it? It’s nice to see you here.”

“How’s things going so far at the party?” He asked, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. His nervousness was getting to him quickly but the thought of messing up yet again reined him back in and his smile stayed on.

You wrinkled your nose as if considering his question before you replied, “Well, it’s going alright so far. I’m not really a party sort of person but I thought I’d make an exception since you know, Jacob’s my friend.”

“I see! I don’t usually mind parties but I do like…” He paused as he saw Juyeon approaching, the gears in his head whirring away and you looked at him curiously.

“Eric…?”

“How about we go get some peppermint? I hear they have a variety here.” He suggested quickly, his eyes darting towards Juyeon’s direction.

You stared at him, looking a little perturbed but then grinned and nodded. “Sure, I love peppermints.”

Before Juyeon could even make his way over, the two of you had walked away, squeezing past the dancing crowd. The bass beat of the music was so resounding throughout the house that it almost seemed as if the walls were vibrating as well. The glitter and lights all around all looked stunning but perhaps a little too stunning as Eric made his way through the crowd with you just right by him. From all sides, people were accidentally bumping into each other and more than once, he almost lost his balance.

As the two of you neared the candy table, Eric realised too late that perhaps pushing past the crowd had been a bad idea and that a smarter way would be to stay out of the dance floor when he felt himself fall forward. Someone’s foot had been there and without looking, he had tripped over and landed with a huge thud on the floor, flat on his belly. His chin collided with the ground and if he had hit it just a little harder, had the impact been just a tad stronger, he might have suffered a serious injury.

Since you were just trailing behind him, his unexpected fall had sent you falling as well. As the both of you crashed against the ground, some members of the crowd audibly gasped as people shuffled out of the way. Though it may have hurt when he fell, Eric’s heart ached much more than the bruise he would no doubt sport on his knees tomorrow. Seeing you sprawled next to him and knowing all of this happened only because of him, he wanted nothing more than to dig a hole right there and then and leap right in.

A few partygoers reached out to help him up and right next to him, Juyeon appeared in front of you, extending a hand with a look of concern. Eric watched as the two of you looked into each other’s eyes and like in a fairytale princess bedtime story, you reached out tentatively to hold onto Juyeon’s hand as his heart fell to the ground with a messy splat.

“Y/n-”

“Are you guys okay?” Juyeon asked though it seemed as if he was only asking you in general.

“Yeah, we’re alright. Thank you.” You said softly, still seemingly a little frazzled.

“Come, let us go get you seated somewhere.”

Eric couldn’t help but simply stand there and look helplessly as the both of you wandered away, his heart feeling like it was about to shatter into pieces. A second chance he was given and he screwed it up and if that wasn’t enough, he was offered yet another shot which went worse than his first. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe no matter how many times he tried, tonight was just not the night. Or perhaps nothing was ever destined to happen between you two. The jolly christmas music was still playing but he no longer was in the Christmassy spirit anymore.

All he wanted for Christmas was you but it seemed that that didn’t seem so possible anymore, if not impossible.

As the partygoers resumed their dancing, all he could do was plop himself down on the nearby couch and do nothing except nurse not just his fallen pride but also his feelings which never had the chance to express themselves before it got completely shut down.

Grabbing a bottle of ginger ale from a nearby pack, he took a swig and felt the ale burn as it ran down his throat. Usually, he would have loved it but tonight, it just left a bitter taste in his mouth. Keeping his head down, Eric exhaled deeply. He ought to just give up completely.

“Hey, Eric.”

At the sound of your voice, his head snapped up and he gazed up at you with wide eyes. There you were, standing before him and looking down at him as he wallowed in his own feelings. How long have you been standing there? Why were you here?

“Y-y/n?”

You gave him a bashful glance as you sat yourself next to him. “Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

“I… I… “ He simply stared at you, his mouth gaping like a fish and looking absolutely flummoxed. “Didn’t Juyeon-”

“I couldn’t possibly leave you alone.” You hurried to say and when he didn’t reply, you continued. “Do you… Do you mind if I sit here with you?”

It took Eric a second for it to register in his mind what you had just asked of him before he grew flustered just as the joy in him began to spark.

“Do I mind? No! Of course not! You’re welcomed here! Please, sit with me!”

As he chattered on nervously, you couldn’t help but admire the way his eyes would light up whenever he talked and how charming his smile was. He was in the habit of moving his hands around a lot which though some might find annoying, you only found to be endearing. You could feel your heart beating quickly which always happened whenever you were near him, saw him around class or even just at the mere mention of his name.

As you looked into his eyes, you felt yourself clench on tightly to the couch, the excitement in you simply immeasurable. You couldn’t help but smile as you felt the weight of the vial in your pocket. A worthy bargain indeed from the mysterious pink haired boy.

This was all you wanted for Christmas.

[sanstropfremir]

excited to see what you have to say about todays episode cause like the other person said, the stunts from the atz/skz/btob also looked lowkey awkward to watch lmao. i feel like the dance part cant really be judged against each other just based on how different they were. also the ikon/sf9/tbz rap performance was much more khiphop inspired while skz/atz/btob were basically "kpop group's rapline does a unit stage" if you know what i mean lmao. im curious to see if you're going to talk about the judges and how some of them were picked solely to have exposure👀 or if there might be a reasoning behind all of them (the dance girl i understand but like... okay)

also, i have to ask if you watched rtk and if you'd feel comfortable sharing who you think should've won/if the boyz deserved it? as a deobi i know its not that big of a deal but i was lowkey proud and stunned by them during rtk and while i think they're doing good on kingdom too, their performances became way too overwhelming/doesn't leave an impression after for my little brain 🙃 i love them tho. also not that you care but i wish they would represent more their full dance line, because juyeon is doing amazing but it can be mentally and physically tiring to be the ONE guy who does all the dance and center parts, like do it as a trio or smt dont push it all on him while there are ten others on the team

i hope you enjoyed my (very) long review and my apparently literally opposite opinions from everyone else! that’s a lie they’re not opposite, i'm just looking at very different things. thank you for also clocking that the performance stages were two different styles! i'm fairly certain the rankings arent out yet for that stage at least, so i'm not envious of the judges having to decide between two performances that are pretty much on opposite ends of the spectrum. also i did make a mistake in my review, i just watched the first half of the episode and they do in fact call it the dance stage, so that’s on me. my point still stands though, group dancing is still dancing.

as far as the judges go........why are we upset about them.....? honestly they all seem fine to me. i mean, i can understand people being pressed about s*ju because they make people mad by just existing, apparently, but that doesnt negate the fact that they have nearly two decades of experience in the industry. if they arent going to have changmin do any judging than they might as well get some other sm vets, since yanno, they did kinda establish the industry (sm, not s*ju. although s*ju is the first kpop group i ever remember hearing way back in like, 2008. in canada. before having a personal device with internet access. sooooooo). and i mean, we all have opinions on the separation of art and artist and everyone can draw their own boundaries of who they choose to consume the work of, and that’s valid. i have lots of those lines too. but you can’t deny the sheer amount of experience, and shindong is a director and music video producer, so he ain’t stupid. i dont see any problems with having a lineup of some idol veterans, a frankly incredible choreographer, and some producers. oh wait, are people mad about the rookies????? why are people mad about the rookies?????????????? huh????????????? have people forgotten that rookies spend literal YEARS training before they even debut??? they’re not incompetent, they’re members of the industry that have worked hard to be there and have valid opinions and abilities to recognize what they think is good?? also.......what’s wrong with doing something for exposure? how do you think groups get popular in the first place? fuck, the prize for kingdom is a variety/reality show! which is exposure! you know that’s how arts marketing works, right? if you want people to listen to your music, you have to advertise it to people. you need an audience. if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it sell thousands of albums? thousands of tickets? why are you invalidating artists on the basis of wanting more exposure? are you worried they’re not going to ‘judge fairly’??? you know none of these groups' reputations are going to be hurt by their placement in the show, right. these are all high level groups already, with established brand rep. THEY are doing this show for exposure too. is this what people are complaining about on twitter?? so every stan account promoting fancams and comeback dates under hit tweets has to delete them now because artists aren’t allowed to do anything for exposure anymore. ?????? am i too old??? what happened to make people think that exposure was bad???

i have only watched the stages from rtk, and not while the show was airing, so i dont really have any context for the show as a whole. do i think they deserved to win? i dont really think anyone ‘deserves’ to win a competition show, but they did produce a couple of phenomenal stages, so was i surprised? no. personally i would have picked pentagon because they had the best vocals and also they took a few more conceptual risks that paid off really well. their cover of follow is a fantastic remake and honestly we need more dramatic remakes like that, ones that really change up the sound. i made a couple of conclusions about tbz in my episode four review that are relevant here (they’re at the end of the tbz section). although tbz are good performers, the problem is theyre trying to showcase those skills by being heavily conceptual, but their creative team is ALL over the place and nothing is landing. I dont think they’re doing terrible in kingdom, they’re doing very well, but their creative team is not providing them with a stable conceptual base. i know i make designing sound relatively simple, but it's not at all. i'm just smart and very good at my job. there are a lot of mediocre designers out there, and tbz just do not have a good creative team for kingdom. and i do actually think it's a shame that they’re fronting juyeon so much, because one of their strengths IS their group work. they have a more of a contemporary flavour than most other groups at the moment and they can do some really sharp synchronization that should to be seen more. i wish they had actually done group work for the performance stage, because we’ve already seen juyeon do a solo stage, plus he has solos in all the stages. give him a break and let the others have a chance to do something at least.

[toukenramblings]

hiya mod! thank you for the letter! it was super sweet 💖 i hope you're doing well- eating water, drinking food, and taking meds responsibly and resting when possible! i also really liked your child saniwa headcanons, so can i request akita, gokotai, and kenshin interactions (platonic of course!) with a child saniwa? - 🎂non

CAKEY IM SO GLAD YOU LOVED THE LETTER I GOT SO SCARED HUOGHUGFHD BUT IM DOING OKAY, I HOPE UR DOING OKAY TOOO BUT THANK YOU FOR ALL OF UR SUPPORT. HERE’S SOME HEADCANONS I HOPE THEY OK

Warnings: nOTHING BUT BABIES

Akita Toushirou

“My name is Akita, I’m so excited to-” “....” “....new sibling”

This Saniwa is adopted into Akita’s family now. Akita took one look at this kid and immediately claimed them. Ichi-nii eat your heart out, Akita is gonna do his best to be the bEST BIG BROTHER-

And then Akita and the saniwa take a nap together while bird watching and Ichi-nii is found cRYING

Akita is a sweetheart no doubt and while he doesn’t partake in war much as a blade, damn right he’s going to be protective as hell of this saniwa. As said before, Akita is going to try to be a good big brother since he’s like...several hundred years old by now? Catch him always holding hands with the saniwa, leading them around the citadel, excitedly enjoying the day with them!

His favorite thing to do with them (regardless of age) is just well, bird watching or cloud watching! He’ll pick a sunny patch of grass or help them climb up into a tree and just...look up at the sky with them! Stargazing counts too. Then they gotta scream for someone to help them get down. PlEASE HJELP

Hell yeah Akita will fucking stumble into the kid’s room to stay up late. They’ll probably conk the hell out while playing ANimal Crossing or something. He tries his best to stay up though! It’s not super healthy but like...he just wants to spend more time with his new sibling!

Akita can kinda cook? He more or less bakes with the rest of his siblings, expect him to always feed the lil saniwa first though. He cares for them a lot!

Akita also attempts to get stronger in order to protect them. He’s mostly a protective sword for nobles and being close to this new lil master like this makes him happy to be of use, no matter how much he can do!

Akita also looooves going out for a walk! He’ll always hold the Saniwa’s hand as they run around a forest or a mall and get lost beyond belief. Akita will try not to cry though, even though he’s scared as fUCK. He just loves having new adventures with them!

Can and will try to give them a piggy back ride.

Akita Toushirou is a sweet little kid, and having a saniwa that is a child will honestly help him feel at ease. He’ll do his best to be a good big brother, even if he and the saniwa are mentally rather young. He just wants to do his best and see the world along side them!

Gokotai

“I-I-I’m Gokotai...I’m so sorr-”

*Mew~!*

“....I-I think they like you...?”

Gokotai isn’t even a true Toushirou place, an artificial and yet part of the Toushirou family. Despite the rest of his brothers saying that they love him nonetheless, he still feels like he doesn’t belong. So when he meets this little master, a part of him is terrified that they will not like him. Gokotai already has pretty crippling self esteem so being around someone who has a similar mentality to him does help ease him a lil bit???? But his tigers like him and animals can tell shit like that.

So when his tigers trust the lil saniwa, Gokotai’s shoulders slump a little, letting out some breath he had not realized he was holding. He’s rather shy and quiet, hesitant to talk to the master and will just prefer sitting there in silence with them. Most likely reading a book together or chilling with the tigers.

Speaking of books, Gokotai adores picture books - stores with animals being his favorites. Momotaro is an example as it’s about a young boy who goes on a brave adventure with animal friends - but like in the Hanamaru anime, another book he loves is The Blue Bird of Happiness. He and the lil saniwa will just read it over and over, and then probably have a permanent like lil corner of this one library or bookstore they always visit. The people working there know their damn names by now and probs have snacks for them.

When it comes to the little tigers, I think Gokotai will adore it when the saniwa comes to visit - his tigers will run to them, and beg for their attention. They groom them together, pet them, play with them, honestly it’s so fucking cute. Please hug my lil son for me. Cuddle him and give him a foREHEADD KISSY

Gokotai will slowly become protective of the Saniwa as he becomes closer to them. Taking in the idea of Kiwame!Gokotai, when he comes back with the sole tiger, he promises to protect them better!

To quote Gokotai, “Master always looks straight into my eyes.” and those are the window to his soul. He shies away at first but as he and the lil saniwa become closer, he feels comforted by the fact they always look at him in the eyes, a sign of trust and that they care for him? I don’t know how to explain it but it’s kind of a zen state when you lock eyes with someone you trust and just...wordlessly pass on thoughts to each other.

It warms the heart of the Toushirou fam to see Gokotai open up like this. He is one of the more timid of the bunch because of his...ya know, general disposition and past. This saniwa now has the entire Awataguchi fam at their beck and call now, find them being carried by Ichi-nii

GOkotai’s tigers will love them~! Always pouncing on them to wake them up, big ol cuddles. Oh cuddling with Gokotai will be angelic, just...so much floofiness and warmth.

This leads to the fact the tigers will straight up do anything for them. Are they crying? Suddenly there’s 15 stolen blankets and several other Awataguchi family members at the door to ask what’s wrong. Are they hungry? KAsen is found screaming at the mess the tigers made as they bring a whole (half eaten) turkey to the saniwa. Gokotai ad the lil saniwa are watching a scary movie and it terrifies them? Well now they gotta buy a new tv because the tigers attacked it to defend them.

Seeing, the lil saniwa being best friends with Gokotai is like getting a new sibling plus 5 new lil pets. It’s just one big ol happy family man.

Kenshin Kagemitsu

“I’m Kenshin Kagemitsu! I do not wish to be taken li-”

“.....”

“I am big brother now”

See, Kenshin will jump at the chance to prove that he can grow up and be a wonderful mature adult. So when he first meets this lil saniwa, he’s oh so giddy! He almost jumps for joy! Of course he stills himself, clearing his throat and properly introducing himself to them, wanting to come ass as mature as possible. It’s obvious in his eyes that he’s excited to get to know them though!

The first thing Kenshin tries to do is almost be like Azuki and Hasebe rolled into one. He’ll try to learn how to cook and clean and even though he has a miniature habit if sleeping in late and Azuki is most often waking him up in the end but Kenshin always wants to try and emulate him. He’ll be found bringing a big ol tray of breakfast of the saniwa and waking them up, yawning while he’s talking to them and denying that he’s tired.

Kenshin is allowed to be a kid rather often, and if Azuki is fond of them too, he’ll spoil them both~! It’s like having a bro and father combo!

This lil kid is always ready to learn new things, and is often found with some kinda new book that he will share with this new Saniwa. He will often be found reading together with them, learning new things! He may be trying to look tough and adult-like, but to do that you need to learn new things!

Kenshin almost tries a little too hard to help the saniwa. He’ll try to stay up a little too late to help them, or to ensure that they go to bed on time. It’s fine to be a kid sometimes, Kenshin! Thus, the lil saniwa sometimes drags him to cuddle, it’s cute as hell, Azuki found taking all of the pictures.

He’ll try to not be swayed by sweets and is often giving his snacks to the lil saniwa. Yes he’ll be envious and puff out his cheeks, claiming he doesn’t want them, but they always share the snacks anyway. No worries.

Going back to the idea that Kenshin tries a little too hard to help the Saniwa, he’ll go to Hasebe or Azuki for help at times, wanting to learn how to do paperwork for the saniwa. Honey, no, not until you understand the words and wtf is happening. THe government is a ho anyway.

Despite all of this, Kenshin is still very much mentally young. He is nervous at times and especially so when going into battle. He does his best and ultimately he comes home with the rest of the swords - running into the arms of the lil saniwa and asking them to praise him - but he won’t lie that he sometimes feels like he isn’t enough for them? More so along the lines he wants to become better and be a better sword for them, I suppose?

Kenshin is actually very easily scared. So whenever there’s thunderstorms or something, he says he isn’t terrified but with the way he’s clinging on to the saniwa or Azuki tells volumes.

Kenshin is just trying his best when it comes to this saniwa. They’re around the same age (mentally?) and Kenshin will automatically want to try to be their elder, to show that he can be depended on too!

[st4rsinthenight]

★M'kay, I am calm now, I suppose. Still a bit shocked, in a positive manner of course.— Im still happy stimming while typing this. /srs

maybe your sona got caught snatching donnie's stuff (つω`｡)?? it's supposed to be present dontron,, but he looks like future donnie so i guess he can also be that...? whatever you want!!! ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ(((o(*°▽°*)o)) (((o(*°▽°*)o)))

huuhhhh. it is a pretty cool scenario erh, they are like a alien borrower, who is a little too curious about the kind of stuff thay humans.. mutants— living beings in general have and such. Curiousity got the cat killed expect the cat is stellar being from outer space and.. they are not killed, yet, but rather caught by a mutant softshell who is also a scientist. Get caught little dum-dum, they be chased around for interrogation and such (—‹ —).

*..little nightmares theme songs playing in the background* (specifically 'The Way Out' it would be suitable for a chase that may or may not escalate into something more.. heated in the process?? I dunno)

((alt context could be that steren accidentally vwooped themself into the bad end future and was noticed by future purple man? (•⩊•)))

Oooh, Isekai I see— and in an universe where the world is basically infested with alien species. Alien species which tale says that they came from the stars as well.. wait a moment that could giveanotherreasonfordonnietohuntthemdown. /silly They may be seen as some sort of a threat to the base, thanks to how the Kraang has destimated the planet and well.. steren/astro is an alien after all.

Also the reference that you used for my sona is like peak humour. I think. /gen

the original donnie looking down at steren before i realized it doesn't quite make sense and extended it with the addition of tilting everything,,, and the height difference between steren and donnie ((6 inches is 15.20 cm and 5'3 is 160 cm)) that i used!!!

Okay so, I assume that you had trouble with the perspective. Understandable, drawing perspective sucks and it can look a bit.. odd. More so trying to accurately capture the height/angle that you want the characters to look at. If that makes sense (—‹ —;). Though it is still cool that you tried, and you as well did some research on their heights as well— (accuracy is cool guys) /gen + /pos.

I feel envious of my sona's height. Why can't I be at a size where I can reach someone's ankle ?? I mean, I would encourage them to bite his ankle (and steal his moment) in case he tries to capture em or something that. Erh, they have no mouth. So that would not be an option. Still, I can envision them latching their tiny form onto his ankle or something and such, muahaha — scare the smart kid (or ..the old man).

sorry if i'm annoying you with these random art posts,, i don't want to make you feel like you have to respond every time (＃＞＜) (＃＞＜) !!!

M'kay, two words: It's fine

..more words, feel free to skip through this: I actually feel quite happy when you, or anyone else for that matter, creates something based on my stuff and such. Though I may get a little overwhelmed by it, positively though, I am not annoyed, you don't have to worry about that. As for you being worried about me feeling pressured about giving feedback, it's okay honestly. I do enjoy giving feedback to others and let them know that I acknowledge their work and such— as well as share my thoughts on stuff that is either made for me, or not. Though, I may not always give the same kind of lengthful feedback. I think. So in short, yeah, you're fine (0 ›0). /gen

i remember seeing you say something about a first-person g/t horror game and i thought of this a while after!! i think i drew this two to three days ago?? i drew steren first then donatello;;

..weeeergggg. /POS

first thing I am noticing is that you took inspiration of my idea for a G/t first person horror game. which, woah— this just give me the idea of—

*... little nightmares theme songs increasing in volume*

after that i realized that if i wanted it to be from the pov of steren looking up at him; i'd have to either redraw the entire thing ((i realized it only after i finished rendering)) or duplicate everything and use the transform thingy to fix the perspective and move the color layers to fit into the lineart :PPit made me take a break from it for like a day or two cause i got a little overwhelmed after shrimping over my pc screen for a few hours but i finished it!! ta-daahhh!!!! it still kinda doesn't look right to me

...urrhhh, unneeded reminder to not let your self get overwhelmed while doing something urh— shrimping over a computer screen ain't exactly the healthiest thing y'know. Glad you allowed your self to take a breather after all that work you put onto the art-piece though.

Erhhh, what else. I dunno. Cool gift =P /gen★

click on the image and up your brightness for the second pic!!! it came out darker than i expected it to LMAO ((it looks lighter on my laptop screen :<))

@starsinthenigth i'm not sure what the context of this is,, maybe your sona got caught snatching donnie's stuff (つω`｡)?? it's supposed to be present dontron,, but he looks like future donnie so i guess he can also be that...? whatever you want!!! ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ(((o(*°▽°*)o)) (((o(*°▽°*)o)))

((alt context could be that steren accidentally vwooped themself into the bad end future and was noticed by future purple man? (•⩊•)))

from left to right;; it's the reference i used for the fisheye lens thingy ((brock lee,, found it after searching 'fisheye' on pinterest HSHFKDJF)),, the original donnie looking down at steren before i realized it doesn't quite make sense and extended it with the addition of tilting everything,,, and the height difference between steren and donnie ((6 inches is 15.20 cm and 5'3 is 160 cm)) that i used!!!

sorry if i'm annoying you with these random art posts,, i don't want to make you feel like you have to respond every time (＃＞＜) (＃＞＜) !!!

i remember seeing you say something about a first-person g/t horror game and i thought of this a while after!! i think i drew this two to three days ago?? i drew steren first then donatello;; but after that i realized that if i wanted it to be from the pov of steren looking up at him; i'd have to either redraw the entire thing ((i realized it only after i finished rendering)) or duplicate everything and use the transform thingy to fix the perspective and move the color layers to fit into the lineart :PP

it made me take a break from it for like a day or two cause i got a little overwhelmed after shrimping over my pc screen for a few hours but i finished it!! ta-daahhh!!!! it still kinda doesn't look right to me ((i feel like donnie should still be a little bigger than that..? not sure though,, i can't exactly visualize how it would look very well)) but i don't feel like editing it a second time (ノ*°▽°*) (ノ*°▽°*) !!!! /lh

[elfy-elf-imagines]

Cruel Summer | Orophin

Pairing: Orophin x Human!reader

Genre: Angst with some fluff at the end

Warnings: Heartbreak; unrequited feelings...??

Words: ~5,222 (oh boy is it a long one)

Note: If you’d like to be added to a tag list for any of my works, there’s a link on my page! I hope you all enjoy this one, it was a real treat to write! ♡

“I didn’t realise a forest could be so beautiful,” you whispered, staring in awe at the towering trees that shined like silver. The night sky was nothing new to you, nor the moon and the stars, yet they seemed more captivating in Lothlorien than anywhere else. The moon burned as bright if not brighter than the sun, illuminating everything in its silvery glow. Stars dotted the sky, glistening like bright torches in a dark room. 

Lothlorien had been beautiful during the day time, the golden leaves so vibrant and unreal, you could swear someone painted them. You’d thought that beauty would be unmatched until night fell. Everything once golden and blinding is now soft and silver, the trees glittering like fine jewels. And it was perfect, the inner peace and calm Lothlorien brought to you was unmatched. 

The sound of footsteps came from behind, gaining your attention. Turning around you see Orophin, still wearing his grey cloak that marked him a Warden of Lorien and the light armor all the rangers wore. His silvery hair that would’ve put any Targaryen to shame was pulled back in its typical fashion. He was beautiful-- well all elves were beautiful, something you’d learned rather quickly, but Orophin radiated another type of beauty. His beauty was more akin to a predator luring in it’s prey of choice with enchanting words and a pretty face, luring you into a thrilling game you always lost. 

You knew he was dangerous, an alarm in the back of your mind going off every time he gets too close or graces you with a look that was lethal to your wellbeing. But instead of sending you running like it should have, it lured you in closer and closer, like a moth drawn to a flame. It’s dangerous-- he’s dangerous. 

But you never seem to listen.

“I ithil a elena thind in ennerion na i er nin,” he said, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. A smile that promised nothing but pain and heartbreak, but also the thrill that comes with gambling, even when you know you’re going to lose. And you will lose, it’s just a matter of when and not if. 

“That’s not fair, you know I can hardly understand Sindarin, especially not when you speak it so fast,” you said, your eyebrows furrowing the slightest as you scowled. Orophin raised an ashen eyebrow at you, and you couldn’t help but feel envious at the lack of lines on his perfectly smooth forehead. His grin widened as his eyes glinted with mischief, and slowly like a prowling lion, he moved towards you.

 “I said, you are beautiful my dear, but you would’ve known that if you would pay attention during our lessons.” he said, eyes noticeably tracing your form. Your face flushed red immediately, images of you and Orophin, tangled together in your room, nothing but a sweaty flustered mess in your bed. Heat spread through your body as you remembered his icy lips on your hot body. 

And he knew it, that bastard knew the effect he had on you. It was obvious in his expression, like a cat that got the cream. 

“Or maybe you aren’t as great of a teacher as you like to think?” you shot back, mentally throwing ice cold water on yourself. Get a grip you idiot! 

“Oh? My lady wounds me! How will I ever hope to recover from such harsh words? Please, tell Rumil I’ve never enjoyed his singing and tell Haldir ho na burui hon in a adaneth,” he proclaimed, snickering towards the end. You pinched the bridge of your nose and exhaled loudly. 

“Orophin! How am I supposed to tell Haldir what you said… if I can’t understand you?” 

One.

Two.

Three steps.

Orophin waas close enough that you’re sure he could hear how rapidly your heart was beating against your chest, how uneven and shallow you breathing was. His eyes glanced down your form, slowly travelling back up to your face. His pale blue eyes glittered like sapphires as his soft hand reached out to touch you. His long fingers delicately traced your body, leaving you a shivering mess as you attempted to maintain a calm composure. Your head was nothing but static as your face grew hotter with each passing second, despite the cold air hitting you.

“Well then perhaps we continue those lessons?” he asked, the smirk on his face growing wider with each unsteady inhale of air. 

“Right now?” you managed to say, your voice barely above a whisper. 

He simply nodded his head, his smirk turning into a full blown grin. It was wicked and fatal and positively sinful. You attempted to pull back, your mind screaming at you to not fall back into what you knew to be a honey trap. But instead of backwards you moved forward, desperate to get as close as physically possible to him, but even then it wasn’t enough.  

“But someone could see, the Warden’s heavily patrol this close to the city,” you said, eyes widening a fraction as you stare up at Orophin. His finger moves up your body and to your face, tracing your cheekbones with a phantom touch. 

“Let’s hope they have enough courtesy to not interrupt, these lessons are paramount to your stay here in Galadhrim.” 

Before you could even breath, he brought his face down towards the crook of your neck. And when his face was only a few centimeters away from making contact with your skin, he paused. The warm breath that hit your skin felt like a frost storm compared to the heat building in you.

“Im innas na harno cin, nin lend lóth” 

“Im innas na harno cin, nin lend lóth.” The phrase felt jagged and rough, the elven dialect still foreign from your lips, while Orophin’s were smooth as silk. 

“Good, it seems you’ve learned more than originally thought,” he muttered, the vibration of his voice sent a shiver up your spine, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake. You couldn’t do anything, your mind nothing more than a pile of mush.  All you can do is nod, anticipating the next move Orophin made. 

“What does it mean?” you asked, voice so quiet you were sure he didn’t hear.

After what seemed like eternity, but in reality was only a minute, Orphan placed his soft lips against your neck, leaving behind feather light kisses as he moved up your neck, onto your jawline, and up towards your cheeks. He pulled away just a hair as you watched him with wide eyes, desperate for him to do something. 

“It means, my dear, we have a long night ahead of us.” he whispered. He graced you with one more wicked grin before closing the gap between the two of you, his lips firmly pressed against yours.  

                                                   o0o0o0o   

The pillow beneath your neck was plush and soft, your body nearly melting into a puddle, sinking into the heavenly mattress that supported your tense body. A silk blanket was haphazardly strewn across your body, crumpled and bunching in places. As was usual in Lothlorien, the night sky was beautiful. From your location, the moon was out of sight, but the stars burned so bright you hardly noticed as their light trickled in from the open roof of your talan. The air was cooling against your hot skin, a welcomed change in temperature. 

The soft melody of elves singing in the distance would normally lull you to sleep, their angelic voices drawing out your thoughts, but tonight it grated against your ears. You clenched the delicate blanket in your hands, finger causing crinkles in the soft fabric as it threatened to tear. But you weren’t mad at them or their heavenly singing that was without a single flaw, no it was something unrelated to singing, but very much including elves. 

“Are you trying to ruin your duvet, meril nin,” 

And like clockwork, the very source of your anger and confusion waltzed into your room as if it was his. The lighthearted easiness he carried himself with was a matching set to the smirk that always seemed to be tugging on his lips. But his eyes, his eyes were different this time. You were never good at reading people, even worse when it came to elves who’ve had hundreds of years to practice controlling their emotions. Yet even you could tell there was something different in them tonight. Maybe it was the starlight and the way it shined down upon him, casting a halo atop his beautiful silvery hair. A part of you wondered if you could cut a piece and sell it off to an unsuspecting merchant and pass it off as silver that’s been turned to thread. 

“What do you want Orophin, it’s late?” your tone was exasperated and tired. It always seemed like one thing or another with Orophin that would just leave you more confused than sated. 

“To see you of course!” he exclaimed, a jovial expression perfectly placed on his face. His eyes were alight with wonder and excitement, his lips curling into a grin filled with promises of fun and bad ideas. 

“Well I need to sleep.” 

He just raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow at you, but otherwise seemed undeterred. He took long strides towards your bed, closing the already miniscule distance between the two of you. Before you could even blink more than three times, he sat on your bed, languidly leaning back until he was lying atop your thighs. He looked at you with wide eyes and fluttered his lashes at you. 

“Why are you so grumpy, meril? I thought humans had fun,” he teased, lifting his hand and tapping the end of your nose with his finger, booping you like a cute pet. You couldn’t tell if it was demeaning or downright adorable. 

“I’m not grumpy.”

“Yes you are my dear.” He pushed himself up just enough to swing one leg over you, now straddling your thighs. He began crawling up your body until his knees were flesh with your hips, hands resting beside your head. He leaned down, until there was only a few inches in between. 

Your skin was on fire, burning hotter and hotter with each second that passed. Your eyes searched his face for anything to clue you in on his motives, despite already knowing them. Maybe you were just hoping for something different than the usual procedure. 

“Perhaps I can offer some assistance?”

A smirk appeared on his face, eyes shining in the pale light streaming in from the open rooftop. It was trouble, you knew that, but maybe the fallout wouldn’t be so bad. So against your better judgement, you leaned forward, connecting your lips with his. 

His lips were as sweet and soft as they normally were, the scent of him lulling you deeper and deeper into euphoric bliss, like a wave pulling you deeper and deeper into the ocean. All reason left your brain, the only thing it could focus on being him and the feeling of his body pressed against you. You reach a hand up, tangling it in his silver hair. It slides through your fingertips like silk, falling from your hand like a waterfall. Your hand wandered up until you met the braids that held the front pieces of his hair back. You scrape your fingers along his scalp before trailing your hand down. You graze the very tip of his ear, light as a feather. 

He lets out a gasp, the sound swallowed by your mouth. He pulls away for a moment, migrating his lips from your mouth down and down until he’s leaving angel kisses along your neck. 

Then like being woken from a deep sleep with a piercing scream, your eyes shot open. You pull your hands away from Orophin, cradling your hand as if he burnt the flesh. You sit up and attempt to catch your breath, feeling like you ran 10 miles without a break. 

“We need to stop.”

“Why meril?” a sly smirk appeared on his face, as he began to crawl towards you to close the new distance between you two, only pausing when you held a hand out. 

“I’m serious, Orophin,” your voice was stern and confident, the opposite of the chaos that was in your brain. Worldesly, he moves off of you, opting to sit on the other side of you, feet hanging over the side of the bed. 

“What is it?” 

“What are we?” you said, he opens his mouth, but you cut him off, already not liking the glint in his eyes. “I’m being serious.”

A sigh escaped his mouth, causing your heart rate to increase and your anxiety to kick into overdrive. 

The dreaded conversation you always knew would come. 

“I thought we were just, you know, having fun.” The words cut into you like a knife, the pain almost physical. 

“Oh.” 

“It’s just, it’s difficult, I thought you knew that.” he said, some frustration leaking into his voice, whether it was directed at you or him, you didn’t know. “Us together would just be too difficult.” The knife embedded in your heart twists. 

“How can you say that when we aren’t even trying?” you exclaimed, the words rushed and your voice crackling at odd spots. 

“Because I know it to be true.” he said. His voice was short and cold, something you never associated with the warmth Orophin usually radiated. 

You stutter, your brain short circuiting as you attempt to process everything. 

And when your brain finally caught up, Orophin was gone, disappearing into the night.

                                                 o0o0o0o

“You lean too heavily to your right, did you know that?”

You jumped, not far, but enough to break the intense concentration you moments prior had. In your fright, the hand tightly gripping the bow string loosen and before you could react the arrow was released. It pathetically sailed through the arrow, bearing too far to the right. It only managed to get halfway through the training ground before it fell to the ground, like a limp noodle.

Whirling your body, a scowl overcoming your face, you saw Orophin. He was only a few paces away from you, holding a bright red apple that he brought to his mouth and took a bite from. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes when he started making exaggerated noises of delight, his eyes shut as if the apple was the most euphoric thing he'd tasted. 

“What was that for?” you exclaimed, your very short fuse exploding. “You ruined a perfectly good shot!”

 He finished chewing the piece of apple he bit off and then tossed it into the trees. One ashen eyebrow quirked at you as Orophin sauntered towards you, walking with the relaxed confidence only he could manage and a sly smirk on his face. Like clockwork, your heart began pounding in your chest and your face heated up. 

And he knew it too, you could see it in the way his smirk widened just a fraction and his eyes lit up with amusement. 

So you just scowled deeper, narrowing your eyes at him in hope of convincing not only him, but yourself that he didn’t have any effect on you. 

Biggest lie of the century. 

“If it was perfectly good it would’ve hit the target?” he said, his words teasing and light. 

“Well it would’ve if you didn’t distract me!” you replied. You were seething, not because of the arrow, but because of Orophin. He was confusing and infuriating, and perfect in every way. And you hated yourself, hated yourself because you couldn’t hate him, not really. 

“Are you saying I’m distracting? My lady, I am flattered that you can’t focus on anything just by merely hearing my voice!” he exclaimed, smirk contorting into a full blown smile. It’s blindingly bright and captivating, everything the sun shining down on Lothlorien was. 

“That’s not that I said you i-idiot!” 

“Really? That’s what I heard,” he replied, closing the distance between the two of you. He stopped a few inches away from you, close enough that you could hear his heartbeat and feel his breath fanning against you, and if you tried hard enough, you’d momentarily make contact if you breathed hard enough. The intoxicating scent of trees, rain, and something else that was distinctly Orophin. You hated how dizzy it made you feel and you hated that it was easily the sweetest smell you’ve experienced. 

He placed his hand on your tense shoulder and began to turn your body. With eyebrows that nearly touched your hairline, you opened your mouth, prepared to demand to know his intentions, but nothing came out except for a pitiful squawk. He turned your body until you were facing the direction of the training field, staring straight at the target you previously attempted to hit. 

“Relax, you’re as tense as Haldir when we’re on patrol.” He practically purred in your ear, the air from his words tickling your ear in a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. 

“What are you doing?” You were cautious and on high alert, full well knowing how things with Orophin usually ended. 

“Fixing your form. it’s not bad for a human, but you’re with the Eldar now,” he whispered. Orophin wrapped one arm around your waist and brought the other one to rest underneath the elbow of your bow arm. His touch was light and delicate, feeling more like the caress of a ghost than a corporeal person. And like a machine, you brought the bow up into position, placing a fresh arrow into proper position with a single fluid movement. 

“I also wanted to apologize for last night. I should not have stormed out the way I did.”

“It’s okay,” you said, your voice hoarse and rough, like a sharp rock.

“It’s not, but I appreciate the sentiment. Now let’s get back to the archery lesson, mell nin.”

“Mell nin. That means my dear?” You turned to face him, eyes widened like a doe as you carefully watched his face. His eyes locked with yours, his grip on you tightening ever so slightly. He grinned at you with a look more radiant and shining than before. Gods, you could go blind if you stared at him for too long, but it would be worth it. Blindness wouldn’t be so bad if his face would be burned into your mind for the rest of your life. 

“You’ve been catching on”

“Sometimes I listen,” you replied, keeping your voice low so as to not disturb the quiet aura that encapsulated the two of you. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Orophin this soft with you, usually he was all mischief and sex appeal. But now he was… at ease and relaxed, like he didn’t have to put on any airs. 

It was… nice.

Your lips tilted upwards as your eyes shined like starlight. Your erratic heartbeat slowed until it was in time with Orophin’s. Your eyes flickered down to his lips then back to his eyes. He followed your movements, not eyeing you like a predator but with… something else. Something you’ve seen the elves share with their husband or wife, the type of softness and vulnerability only present with someone you really care about. 

And you know, without a shadow of a doubt where Orophin’s thoughts stood seeing as he verbalised them last night in your room. You knew he didn't see this going anywhere permanent. Yet the look in his eyes and the complete ease he has around you says otherwise.

And then it’s suddenly cold. And before you have a chance to even blink, Orophin is gone, again.

                                                  o0o0o0o

“You can come out now, you pointy eared dummy!” you yelled, flailing your arms wildly as you do so, the wine bottle precariously held in your fingertips slipping and falling to the ground. Your eyes follow it, watching with wide eyes as the bottle hits the forest floor, bubbly liquid pouring out of the open top. 

“Shit,” you muttered, but made no move to pick it up. 

“That’s not very nice,” a soft melodic voice said from behind you. It was beautiful and light… you hated it. Whirling around, your legs wobbled as you began to lose your balance. Orophin surged forward to steady you, but you slapped his arm away.

“Don-- don’t touch me. No means no Oro,” you said, stumbling backwards until you fell to the ground, landing on your butt. Pain immediately flared up in the area, a pathetic whimper leaving your mouth. 

“Are you hurt?” he asked, moving towards you with slow and exaggerated movements, treating you like a scared baby. The thought caused you to scoff. You probably were a baby to half of the people here. Stupid elves and their stupid immortality.  

“Yes, emotionally and physically,” you said, closing your eyes and holding your head up, attempting to keep a sliver of your dignity. “But mainly physically right now.” 

“Maybe you shouldn’t drink so much then.” Once he was close enough, Orophin sat on the ground, his knees ghosting your skin. It burned like hot coals, singing the skin. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t drink more!” You pointed a finger at him and scowled, attempting to appear menacing. And in your mind, you were, except your finger couldn’t stay still and your face looked more like a pouting puppy than a fearsome killer. It would’ve made Orophin laugh if not for the sorrow poorly hidden in your eyes and your current pathetic state. He didn’t have to ask, he knew it was because of him. 

“I haven’t had any wine today,” he said, using the same tone he did when he found you alone in the Lorien woods all those months ago. When he had to coax you out from behind the mallorn trees after narrowly escaping a pack of orcs that got too close to Lorien.  

“Not my problem.”

“Of course! I must bear this burden on my own, my lady.” His tone was overly exaggerated. Against your better judgement, a smirk pulled at the corner of your lips, faint chuckle escaping between your lips.

“There’s that smile,” he teased, reaching forward and poking your cheek.

“Stop treating me like a child you stupid dolphin fin,” you muttered angrily, swatting at his invading hand. “I’m an adult you know.”

“Of course you are.”

“And don’t you forget it, buster!” You pointed a finger in his general direction, eyes still firmly shut. 

The two of you sit in silence for a moment, allowing the quiet atmosphere to swallow you whole. Orophin sighed, moving so he sat beside you, careful to not touch you.

“What’s wrong meleth? Why did you drink so much? Normally it’s near impossible to get you to drink more than two glasses when we’re together,” His voice is quiet and serious. 

‘Don’t call me love like that, you fool. You don’t love me, not really,” you muttered, leaning your head against the tree behind you. The silver bark is softer than you thought it would’ve been. Certainly not as rough and coarse as the ones back home.

“And how do you know that?” His eyes burned into your skin, like the sun bouncing off of a magnifying glass and incinerating small ants. 

“In case you’ve forgotten, you’re the one who said we couldn’t be together.” you said, opening your eyes for the first time since he sat by you. You searched his face for anything, but you couldn’t read him, probably due to your state of intoxication. 

“That’s not wh--” he began but you promptly cut him off by placing your hand over his mouth.

“But it’s how it was received. I get it Orophin, I’m human you're an elf,--” you obnoxiously exaggerated the word. “--your oil and I’m water, I get it now, don’t worry. It’s cool, there were no rules, so it’s on me that I let it get this far,” You told him. 

And you tried. You really tried to sound unbothered and nonchalant, to be as cold as ice. But the words were hollow, exposing how hurt you really were. 

Stupid elf. 

“You have to understand how diff--” Once again, you cut him off, the words being swallowed by the palm of your hand. 

“No, you don’t understand. I’ve played your little game for months and I’m tired of it. You hear me? Tired!” you exclaimed. You leaned forward and attempted to stand from your sitting position, however as soon as you moved, the world around you grew fuzzy, Orophin multiplying into two. 

“Be careful,” he snapped at you as he reached out to grab a hold of you. He pulled you from the ground, but you violently ripped away from him. 

“Don’t touch me you-- you, you big dummy!” you yelled, pushing him away and onto the forest floor. The fall was broken by the lush greenery that covers the Lorien first floor, so he easily scrambled up. You stumbled away, in your mind moving at the speed of lightning, however you were only able to get five paces away before falling to the ground. 

Tears of frustration and sadness built up in your eyes, your hands clenching tightly into fists. Hot tears streamed down your face, as you lay there on the floor like a baby throwing a tantrum. You smacked your fist against the ground, the throbbing pain dulled by alcohol. 

“I hate you, you know that? I hate you because I really don’t,” you muttered, already knowing Orophin was standing behind you. He said nothing and you couldn’t decide if that was better or worse. 

“I just- I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to keep sneaking around like I’m some horrible secret. I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep getting small pieces of you.” 

You turned and looked at him, eyes tear stained and your face splotching and red. God you were a mess. And in the glimmer of the starlight, you saw a faint stream of tears falling down his cheeks, landing on the ground. God, they even cry pretty.

“Y/N--” he began, taking a single step towards you, causing you to scoot forward, sliding across the forest like a toddler who can’t walk right. 

“God, I love you, and that’s probably the worst thing you’ve ever heard,” you muttered. Your mind no longer felt foggy from the wine, your eyes glossy from tears and not a state of intoxication. You stood up, and walked away, leaving Orophin behind. And the hand he held outstretched towards you slowly fell limp as he watched you walk away. 

                                              o0o0o0o

It had been months since you’d last spoken to Orophin. Time passed agonizingly slow, minutes becoming centuries, yet everything felt like a haze at the same time. Every day regret would beat against you, pushing you further and further into a never ending abyss. It was odd not having Orophin intruding on your day in some way, scarily enough, it was almost like Orophin was never there. The phantom of where he used to touch you burned like ice until you were nearly numb all over your body. 

God it was hell, trying to keep up with his whirlwind of emotions, trying to decipher if you were just having a fun time or if he truly cared for you. It was exhausting being in a constant state of turmoil, your heart bleeding nearly every second, only to be lazily patched up with every kiss. But at least you had a piece of him, even if it was just a sliver. 

You did everything to give off the illusion of being preoccupied. You went wandering through the forest collecting flowers, you practiced embroidering and then practiced again, you read the same three books over and over again, but everything always came back to Orophin. And for that you were glad he was gone with the other Wardens, patrolling the forest. The orcs were growing more bold in their attacks, so Haldir increased the watch and the Warden’s time away. You didn’t trust your self control, and if Orophin was just within your grasp, you would’ve caved long ago. Falling back into him and whatever he was willing to give you, only to begin the hellish cycle all over again. 

For once you were grateful for Haldir’s extreme dedication to his job. 

So now you lay in your favorite clearing, lazily flipping through a book you’ve already memorized, the grass cocooning you, leaving angel kisses on your body. The sound of grass crumpling beneath someone’s step brought you from your thoughts. Looking up, you saw Orophin, standing with the trees. He was wearing his Lorien cloak, weaved in every color of the forest to better conceal the wearer, and his leather armor with his bow loosely held at his side. 

You stared at him and he looked back. His eyes were wide and hopeful, nearly glossy in the light. His lips were pulled in a thin line, and you could see him chewing on the inside of his lips. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, slowly closing your book and placing it beside you. You sat up, but didn't stand. You refuse to be the one to leave. 

“You were wrong.” 

“What?” you asked, eyes narrowed at him as you purse your lips. 

“You were wrong.” he stated again, as if it would suddenly become clearer to you. 

“I don’t under--” you began but he cut you off. Like the wind, he rushed towards you, his bow forgotten on the forest floor where he used to stand. He slid onto his knees so he was level with you, grasping your hands in his and surged forward, the force knocking you to the ground. 

“What are you--” You started to say, face immediately turning red and your heart rate increasing. And then he’s kissing you. Not with his usual playfulness, or the lust that laced every touch, but it was nice and soft and sweet. More akin to an innocent first kiss rather than the fire he usually possessed. And as soon as his lips were on you, they were off, but he didn’t move, and you didn’t want him to. 

“You were wrong. It isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever heard.” he muttered, his breath tickling your lips. 

Oh. 

Oh.

In that moment it clicked, the foggy memoires you have of that night coming back to you. You’d uttered that exact phrase to him, “I love you, and that’s probably the worst thing you ever heard.” Against your better judgement, a small smile forms on your lips and this time it was you closing the distance. 

“I love you, meleth nin. I. Love. You.” he punctuated each word with a kiss, causing your skin to burn where his lips touched. “And I’m sorry I refused to admit it for so long.”

“You better be,” you replied, pulling his body closer to you, if that was physically possible. 

“Does this mean I’m forgiven?” he asked, pulling away from your lips. You smirked at him, eyes alight with the mischief that was missing for so long. 

“No, but that could be earned,” you said, playing with the fine hair at the nape of his neck. 

“I must warn you, it’s going to be a lot of hard work,” you teased, pressing your lips to the corner of his lips. A small whine left his mouth as he attempted to capture your lips fully with his. 

“Then it’s a good thing I’m a dedicated Warden.”

“We’ll see about that.”

                                                   o0o0o0o

Tags: 

@kenobiguacamole​ | @aearonnin​ | @emiliessketches​ | @vibratingbones​ | @ranhanabi777​

[ambrosialips]

I really should be sleeping right now. I've got a ton to do and I need to wake up early, and yet it's 3 am and I'm about to spill my thoughts and feelings in my notes like I'm running some famous self-care blog that focuses on my healing journey. If I'd do that, I wonder what other stuff I'd post? Maybe recipes, top 10 favourite Crystals?? Witchcraft 101 or just best artsupplies for a begginer, if that would even exist, I mean no matter the art supplies a begginer is still a begginer.

I think I'll write about letting go, about releasing people , relationships and parts of yourself that no longer serve you, looking at the strings attaching your heart space to those specific people or feelings, habits or cycles and deciding that you're better off without them, or that the time has come for the two of you to go your separate ways, for your lessons have your learned and journey together ended. Since a few weeks now, I started releasing people, friends I once knew and loved. I guess our journey together ended, or they managed to teach me the lessons that the universe was dying to teach me. It's quite funny actually, it all started with someone I once loved and held in my heart so dearly proving to be nothing than a false person...someone who wished me ill, or just hated me for no concrete reason. Tarot mentioned that they felt frustrated, envious, jealous because my growth has been paying off and I might have been doing better than them, so they lashed out and started sending me negativity. They weren't like that all the time, they never acted like that before, never insulted me for no reason, never tried to pick a fight with me for no reason, never acted negative, at least not in front of me or with me. I am proud of the way that I handled the situation though, I tried my best to stay calm and collected, stand my ground and tried to calmly talk to them. I did get annoyed at one point and made a snarky comment, but for the most part my growth was able to show. In the past I would have started yelling, insulting them back, being negative and hurt, while now, or at least a few weeks ago I tried my best to avoid conflict and be calm.

After the pointless "conflict" I was left hurt. Hurt and angry that someone that I cared for so much proved to be nothing other than guest at a masquarde ball who just so happened to drop their mask at the wrong time. I made sure to make my feelings clear to my friends. Where getting your feelings out is good, I could have been a bit more mature about it, but nonetheless that experience and those feelings have been processed and I wish them well. I wish them good luck on their evolution and love and light, because at the end of the day, we're all on different stages of healing , some more immature who still hold to negative feelings and unprocessed emotions and events, and others who learned to accept what happened and let go, releasing what no longer serves them in their life purpose and who let themselves process and feel their emotions, then release the negative ones as well, and others who are doing that right now(good luck to you guys , I know how hard that is). We can't hate the people on low vibrations for being low vibrational, all we can really do is wish them well and wish them low and wish them healing just like others did to us.

Soon after that, I started looking at my others friendships, even at my group of friends at the time, and slowly understood that the environment and people weren't the best for me. Maybe I've outgrown them, maybe I've healed enough to work on a higher vibrations, or maybe I was just blind to the red flags and didn't see how toxic some of the interactions were, but nonetheless I let them go, I released those relationships because they didn't serve me anymore and kept on wishing them love and light and healing, because all of them deserve to heal and be happy. After releasing them I was quite alone, not lonely though. I slowly started doing better, feeling better, getting into a better mindset. The alone time and release of negativity really helped me focus on myself and growing. Started releasing more toxic habits and mindsets, continued to release toxic and negative people from my life, learned to put boundaries and what I really want in a friendships. I recently found out the reality of 2 connections from my life, these people didn't drop their masks, let's just say that I found out who they were through a little bit of help, a mirror and some magic, and as much as it saddened me, I let them go, still wishing them love and light and happines and good luck in their evolution.

A lot of things happened in almost two months, guess that my full moon releasing really helped. With finding the truth about so many people and connections I've also understood something else that's quite important in my opinion. The idea of revenge. Looking back on how my younger self would have seeked it, wanting to let them know how it feels instead of being the more mature one, wishing them well and trusting the universe that they will get what they deserve kind of saddens me. Revenge feels like such a negative concept now, going your way to hurt somebody because they hurt you, trying to "make it even" instead of understanding the situation and trying to learn and grow from it seems pointless. Why burden yoruself with all that negativity that will only harm you more than try healing.

Over all, letting go and releasing can be a tough thing to do, but also a really important one. It's hard letting go of people that you love because you understood that they no longer had a place in your life, or that they were toxic or only using you for the things that you had to offer, like the best advice for every situation, yes that was a petty exemple from my personal life, finding out that hurt, but it's important to do it so you can progress , heal, get better and live a happier life instead if being stagnant, letting them bring you down or only holding to the connection until it becomes toxic or you have a horrid fallout. Releasing habits and toxic patterns feels even harder, because im order for you release them you have to firstly recognise them. Recognise that you're being toxic to other people or that some of the things you do are self destructive, but that you re too afraid of change to let them go, but yet again, letting them go makes so much room for healing and bettering yoruself and for a better life.

I've had people saying that they relate to these little vents and thoughts and feelings of mine, so for the people that are too afraid to release, or that are struggling to release people and habits and destructive behaviours and patterns, put yourself first. Put your well-being first. Put your happiness first. I know it's hard trust me I do, but what helps me the most is thinking about my goal , thinking about who I want to be, thinking about why I'm doing this. My goal is to heal, to heal my traumas , doesn't matter if it's generational or gained in this life. My goal is to fully love myself and to be happy. My goal is to become the best version of myself, my most authentic self and all I've been doing for the past one or two years is workings towards that. That meant losing people, gaining new ones, letting go of the ones that were negative and toxic and learning to also enjoy time by myself. It meant facing myself and admitting the fact that I couldn't live the way I was living anymore , that I couldn't feel depressed and just wonder if I'll leave until highschool. That meant starting to cry while facing the bathroom mirror because I complimented myself for the first time in years. That meant unlearning all the pain and hurt that others thought me, and teaching myself love and happiness and how to take care of myself.

If you have something to release, remember your goal. Put yourself first and send them love as you continue to grow and mature