#and im currently so close to that again

[lunarsapphism]

i fucking hate trialing medications i hate it so bad. none of this shit works and all i get is severe side effects i fucking hate it here. its so difficult always

[delicourse]

end of spring🌸🧶🌱🧵

[prints]

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Just want to say: a, I admire very much that you've figured out a healthy way to work on your fics that allows you to have fun with it. And also b, am very excited to hear that you are getting there with pez! It has fully given me brain rot ever since I read it last year, there is just such a lack of content for the highly specific trope of using time travel as a device to explore extremely unhealthy levels of self loathing.

I just adore everything you're doing in it. Neither midoriya is anywhere approaching okay for any portion of the fic and I love rereading and mining into all the subtle characterization pointing to that. It's a bit like nhtycth in that some really goofy funny stuff is often hiding some really fucking worrying things, but the fact that characters DO do that stuff—that todoroki uses his teaspoon's worth of extremely stunted social skills to bludgeon his friend's door open and help him, that a rpf shipping war is an actual source of drama despite how goofy the sentiment seems on the surface, that about half of what jon says is deeply worrying and the other half is extremely funny and there's a lot of overlap between the two—really lifts the tension and brightens the universe. It's sort of similar to what you did with gerry, in that endless misery isn't nearly as painful as the ups and downs of a life that, when you step back and zoom out, has something deeply and horribly wrong with it.

(jon sort of reminds me of spider-man in that he uses human to deal with trauma and stress, except I don't think he at any point realizes how fucking funny he is. He's just there, in a home depot, gnashing his teeth because he's got so many bodies to dispose of and this cashier sure is taking her time.)

I really, really, really have had trouble finding fics that take everything midoriya has dealt with to task. It's a hell of a thing to live 14 years as a disabled minority, have it heavily shape your existence, and then one day you wake up and you realize you're...not that, or at least, nobody will ever acknowledge you as that again. You've lost all claim to it. Those experiences that shaped who you are? Dust in the wind. 14 years of pain and life might as well be buried in the ground for all the good they do you. Nobody's going to cut you any slack or quarter, you've gotta simply work harder, be better. And now when you do that you get the results you wanted, so that's fine, then. That's good. There was something wrong with the you before, and there's something right with the you now, and if the transition is a little rough, well that doesn't matter, you're the same as everyone else now, so it's your own job to fill in whatever gaps you need to.

I really can't get over how mentally fucked it must be for midoriya to run into quirkless people, run across quirkless issues, and be silently caught between, incapable of speaking his mind and too scared to do so anyway around those he can trust.

Also I should mention, I'm just very excited for bakugou to get back from the gym. He's been there like a year I hope he's getting a good workout in.

Me realizing that it’s been a year since pez dispenser debris:

I feel like there’s just this very specific type of grief that Izuku has to grapple with in the span of pez dispenser debris that I’m just obsessed with. He’s sort of silently mourning who he could have been, when 1) he has to present like there’s nothing lost to maintain his secret and 2) the entire world is constantly inundating him with the message that there was nothing lost.

Like. I don’t want to get too deep into it because it risks spoiling things and I do have major plans to continue it (I’ve loved this story for so many years before I ever even hit publish), but the emotion that Izuku’s feeling right now is so much more complex than “I hate who I used to be and want him to stop existing” or “I just want to keep my secrets.” And I think the way he interacts with Mirio is the biggest evidence of that.

Izuku’s placed himself at the very center of the Quirklessness debate with his support of Mirio. He fights for Quirkless heroes, very publicly, to the point where he’s not even graduated yet but considered to be one of the most prominent voices on the matter. If you took a poll of Quirkless people as to which hero would be most supportive of them pursing their own career in heroics, Izuku would be right at the top of the list. When it comes to Quirklessness itself, he’s nothing but supportive.

But he didn’t tell Mirio the truth of his own Quirklessness.

Out of everyone, Mirio’s the one everyone expects to know, despite him being a relatively newer relationship compared to someone like Iida or Uraraka or Todoroki. And I tried to imply that he’s sort of the one who knows the most about Izuku out of everyone save All Might.

Like, we’ll get into how much exactly Mirio knows soon, so I won’t divulge what, if anything, Izuku has told him. But we know that Mirio knows, weirdly enough, that Izuku is deeply fucking haunted. He knows that boy has many violent ghosts in his bones. He finds it hilarious and will tell their realtor about it. Izuku told him about the discontent spirits who died in a violent passion and live on inside of him before he told him about his Quirklessness.

And I just feel like one of those things is a little bit easier to discuss than the other.

Izuku has decided to keep his own Quirklessness quiet in a way that surpasses secrecy about One for All. If it was just about OfA, he could tell people he didn’t get his quirk until the entrance exam, and it wouldn’t even be a lie. He’s purposefully obscuring his own past as Quirkless even as he takes a forefront of the Quirkless hero debate with his open support of Mirio.

And the fact that he’s at the forefront of this debate in and of itself requires a difficult dichotomy. He is the world’s most vocal proponent for the first Quirkless hero. He is a known figure in the Quirkless community now.

He isn’t considered one of them anymore. He’s an outsider coming in.

It must be such a strange, odd sort of grief to come to the people you were home amongst for most of your life and be greeted as a stranger. To return home, and to be welcomed in for the first time, and to not even be able to tell people that you’ve lived here all your life and don’t need a tour.

It’s a sort of death of self, I think. And I think Izuku never expected to have to grapple with his own ghost.

[maraschinotopped]

stumbling into the tumblr blog covered in blood. hey guys i think pendog creative library is pretty cool. you should check it out.

[pilonciillo]

lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety

[izzy140105]

Ygritte to Jon: you're a pretty lad - girls would claw each other's eyes out to get naked with you...

Me: exactly - so back the fuck up bitch!! I ain't playin'!!

[the-rxven-king]

what if i set up a lil commission tier on my ko-fi that lets people donate to request fan art..... would anyone be interested in that? id be limiting it to fandoms i know and like but still

i dont normally draw it but itd be incentive for me to actually Do It and also the job market where i live rn is so fuckin abysmal that ive applies to 10+ places and only like 3 of them have even bothered to contact me At All in regards to the applications to reject me so i. need to start trying things to get money back instead of sinking all of it into rent

[thetisming]

something people dont talk about is that losing a pet can be genuinely traumatic

[cimicherrychanga]

i NEED to get a little treat or ill go insane

[orcelito]

Opening the local bubble tea store absolutely livid and shaking in rage and upset bc my bitch ass boss is too concerned about us sitting on the job to order the tea bags I requested Two Fucking Weeks Ago (it only takes like 4 or 5 days to ship) and so we're out and I had to hand wash the 1 reusable bag to make black tea and I have to strain the free floating tea leaves from the cold brew and I just KNOWWWW he's going to have something more to bitch about because he always does

Last straw on the camel's back, etc etc, I want to put in my two weeks notice by the end of this week. That's a goal for myself.

[ssreeder]

how are we feeling about the new netflix adaptation of avatar??!!!!!!!!!!!! the zuko casting eats and swolzai is so cool to see actually translated well (although we will see how they treat the characters in this)

HEYYYYYYOOOOO!

The only thing I’m really looking forward to from the live action is being able to gossip about it with my mutuals. I don’t really have any other opinion, I mean… it looks cool! (Sokkas hair & zukos scar bother me but ehhhh what can I do?) But I’m an animation junky, I love my anime and my cartoons (bobs burgers beloved) so I don't particularly care for the “real people actors” taking over my cartoons but I’m totally chill about it honestly.

I will ABSOLUTELY be watching it and probably will form a more solid opinion after I actually watch the show.

[ashersbraincell]

Taking an indefinite break from trying out voice acting because something quite upsetting happened 🙃

[darabeatha]

the rules are simple! post characters you’d like to roleplay as, have roleplayed as, and might bring back. then tag ten people to do the same ( if you can’t think of ten, just write down however many you can and tag that number of people ). please repost, don’t reblog!

Current Muse:

Constantine XI (fgo)

Ashwatthama (fgo)

Vlad III (fgo)

Jason (fgo)

Camazotz (fgo)

Arjuna (fgo)

karna (fgo)

Odysseus (fgo)

Edmond Dantes (fgo)

Robin Hood (fgo)

Billy the kid (fgo)

Sherlock Holmes (fgo)

Daybit (fgo)

Tezcatlipoca (fgo)

Charlemagne (fgo)

Moctezuma II (fgo)

Duryodhana (fgo)

Ritsuka Fujimaru (fgo)

kukulkan (fgo)

tlaloc (fgo)

Saito Hajime (fgo)

Nitocris (fgo)

Moriarty ruler & archer (fgo)

Nero Claudius (fgo)

Castor (fgo)

Asclepius (fgo)

Antonio Salieri (fgo)

Morgan (fgo)

Baobhan Sith (fgo)

Barghest (fgo)

Oberon (fgo)

Arash (fgo)

Gilgamesh caster & archer (fgo)

Arthur Pendragon & alter (fgo)

Henry Jekyll and Hyde (fgo)

L.ucifer (fgo)

Want to write:

TO BE HONEST; right now I'm pretty chill but I definitely want to write an angel! Gabriel or Uriel or Michael

Have written (in Tumblr & other platforms):

(I'm not going to list all my f.ate muses bc that would make the list super long so I'll mainly focus on characters from different fandoms, if they are all on the same line its bc they were inside a multiuse)

Norton Campbell ( Identity v )

Aesop Carl ( Identity v )

Espresso cookie ( Cookie run )

Zhongli, Xiao, Kazuha, Diluc, Albedo, Kaeya + more ( Genshin Impact )

Giyuu ( kny )

Tsurumaru Kuninaga ( Touken Ranbu )

Heshikiri, Ishikirimaru, Kasen, Nagasone, Ookurikara, Shokudaikiri, Mikazuki ( Touken Ranbu )

Doppo Kannonzaka, Gentaro (as guest muse) ( Hypnosis mic )

Samatoki ( Hypnosis mic )

Akutagawa, Chuuya , Ranpo, Fyodor, Dazai, etc ( bungou stray dogs )

Cain, Shylock, Mithra, Lennox, Nero, Oz, Bradley, Chloe, Faust ( Mahoyaku )

Would write again:

Norton Campbell ( identity v )

Aesop Carl ( identity v )

Tsurumaru ( or any of my other touken ranbu muses )

tagging: Y O U

[trees-to-meet-you]

Sibling forced me to dress up as golden Freddy and watch the fnaf movie gonna be honest I wasn’t a fnaf kid but since they’ve gotten into it I’ve tried to too but anyway yeah I may have next to no idea what’s going on but it was pretty great

[sisyphus-prime]

Tbh i will never get gender. In general. Any of it. Its all a mess and I just know im floating aimlessly somewhere in the grand soup of identities at any given point.

Makes me real happy to see people have fun w it. Even if I'll never get it.

[toytulini]

Disclaimer im just processing some thoughts im not cancelling the show

have almost thoughts about how i find the like....narrative on here that if you have chronic "zebra" conditions youd want a doctor like House and wouldnt sue for malpractice bc at least youd have a doctor that cares about whats wrong with you but lets take it one step further. so often he does NOT give a shit about the patient and actively endangers them frequently with his god damn heoric era of medicine approach? non zero amount of times he gets a diagnosis but it comes too late, or he gets a diagnosis after their first wrong 3 guesses of the episode shut down the patients kidneys and they either have to get a transplant or they are just, doomed due to other preexisting conditions etc? idk. i know ppl are almost certainly exaggerating and just letting off steam about the very real failures of our current medical systems and the ableism baked in and All That Shit. i just think its weird how ppl romanticize House who STILL, FREQUENTLY, MULTIPLE EPISODES will actively dismiss shit in the exact way that is a problem in our current system, especially when hes being Forced Against His Will To See Clinic Parients, he loves to be dismissive as fuck of symptoms and if he was a real doctor i think he'd be fucking 50/50 on cases he Notices Something To Dig Into vs cases he dismisses as an Anxious Hysterical Woman Who Wants Attention, the only reason he's Right so frequently in his snap judgements is cos it reinforces the narrative. its like a crime drama that has the mastermind serial killer masterfully using "loopholes" and lawyering up all sneaky and dodging Justice and if only our poor little cop protags were allowed to do A TEENY BIT of Justified Police Brutality, they could Save Lives!

and like sometimes in the show they will have a patient die despite his efforts to narratively punish him. not to mention, i think its been at least mildly brought up and glossed over how much they absolutely do not think about insurance costs for these ppl for the insane amount of tests that find nothing and Wrong Medications To Force A Diagnosis they use? i think it was brought up once in the episode following a day in the life of cuddy where she had to fight a lawsuit bc a guys insurance like didnt cover his thumb being reattached but chase reattached it anyway while in surgery cos it was The Right Thing To Do and the guy didnt have the money to cover it and the insurance wouldnt pay unless he sued the hospital or whatever. thats like the only time its come up. whereas like frequently the doctor I go to for osteopathic manipulation tries to check in with me and make sure im covered by insurance etc and that im not going to go broke or get buried in medical debt seeing her.

idk. just some Thoughts. not a defense of our current system and all the flaws it enables and enforces etc. his approach to medicine is really reminiscent to me of what I know of the Heroic Era Of Medicine which i dont...love? and hes framed on here as being an asshole but would kill for his patients to get them a diagnosis etc. but hes definitely extremely paternalistic to patients ? and despite some good clippable lines about ableism and being against eugenics, it honestly feels like his stance on that is kind of a toss up.