#and im ALWAYS thinking of what to say
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I honestly think the big draw smoking has for me (someone who has smoked only socially) is that it's something to do with your hands yes, but it's also something to do with your mouth.
#i no longer need to think of what to say#and im ALWAYS thinking of what to say#is it appropriate expected helpful relevant blah blah balh#instead i could just#she took a drag and all was said#you know???
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best types of brennan NPC
autism haver
stoner
frat bro who has unlearned hypermasculinity so hard that he's gone 100% the opposite direction about it
anticapitalist proletarian
the most insane person you've ever met
#brennan lee mulligan#in order this post is about (1) ayda aguefort (2) max durden (3) ragh barkrock#(4) bud cubby and (5) bill seacaster#guess what SHOW i am WATCHING#dimension 20#d20#stuff#blmulligan#dnd#ok wait i wanna think about this for unsleeping city#who are the autism havers in tuc why am i blanking.......#im gonna say esther could be an autism haver. or nod#the johns are obviously the frat bros#seven (s3\/3n?) is the anticapitalist proletarian obviously#maddy is both the anticapitalist and the autism haver as a matter of fact#and her name might be spelled maddie idk#anyway alejandro is the stoner#and wally is absolutely the most insane person youve ever met......him and la gran gata perhaps.......#i just remembered about arthur aguefort the actual most insane person youve ever met#strong case for that#the point is these are always brennan's best NPCs#most sentimental? most touching scenes? usually not. but fucking funniest? almost without fail#fantasy high
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the thing about trying to recommend fiction podcasts to someone who isn't familiar with them is that not only are so so many genres represented but also the level of production can fall anywhere from "basically an audiobook" to "major motion picture minus the pictures"
#original#idk just something i think about sometimes#you can read a description to get a sense of the genre/plot/vibe but you truly dont know What exactly youre getting into till you listen#with nonfiction podcasts it tends to be easier to get a read on whether its gonna be like. some buddies fucking around with a mic#or more like a whole documentary#or with fiction books there can be different framings but the actual makeup of the thing is almost always the same#idk what im saying at this point i need to stop putting so much bullshit in tags#whatever#audio drama
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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you know what i think is really cool about dungeon meshi? the fact that it really handles the whole 'how our food is made' so gracefully. in this day and age, we've become so disconnected from how our food is produced and distributed that the thought of how our food is obtained brings disgust to many people (and for the big industry farms, it honestly should! but im referring to our existence as omnivores in the food chain). marcille acted ridiculous whenever the thought of killing a monster for food is brought up, but honestly, she's a great model for how many people nowadays react whenever they have to truly think about what they are consuming/are brought to a meat farm.
senshi shows the characters (and us, the audience) about the process of making food in a respectful, genuine way to the creatures he has used to produce nourishing meals. by explaining the nutrition and benefits of each creature, he creates and healthy relationship between the consumers and the meal they have. the show really brings a new dimension of respect for each of our meals. truly the bob ross/marie kondo of cooking.
#dungeon meshi#senshi#marcille donato#laois touden#marie kondo would be so proud theyd get along great tbh#text post#my posts#god i hope i articulated this well im tired but i know what im trying to say#like people who eat meat but won't eat meat with bones because then they think of it as an animal: this is directed at you#it was always an animal and its honestly more disrespectful to ignore it#this is also not anti-vegetarian this is more just a general observation of our society as a whole#delicious in dungeon
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//LOUD INCOMPREHENSIBLE POINTING//
#marvel#xmen#avengers#marvel rivals#wanda maximoff#scarlet witch#snap sketches#//sneaks capricorn constellation into her hair because i can and ITS MY BIRTHDAY//#HEHEHEHEHEHHE i had to draw her too.....#AND put effort or whatever i REFUSE to have her cringe father out glam her#i never play dps tbh im always glued to tank or support but i will now be. SOMETIMES playign dps#again 90% of the time a game has 5 dps but yk ... sometimes.....#OK BYYYYYYEEEEEE my birthday in like 12 minutes .... diabolical...#HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEE I WIN#wait crying every time i think of rivals wanda i just remember this one 'what your main says about you' vid#and for wanda its like 'youre probably bi and if this is how you find out im sorry'#i think thats funny because i always get hit with bi allegations every couple years. unfortunately i am not im sorry 😔#moving on. gonna go to the city tomorrow get some good food maybe some comics and see my dad ... it'll be rad ...#anyways !!! ima go play rivals .... byyyyee....
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autumn time to be gay and totally fine and not miserable at all
#i am coping you see#i love drawing autumn stuff.. and after producing hundrets pages of tma doodles in school it was time to. draw them properly#the ironic part is that it's raining ugly as im posting this. :[[#aaaaaand you know i planned to have much more characters like this at first... but i ended focusing too long on this one piece so i probabl#won't do other ones#(plus i have arcane to draw god. but i think i want the finale to come out first)#what can i even say. don't let me near blending layers it always ends up looking like this.#jon is my ugly clashing patterns grandma. you agree#(oh and martin is holding a notebook cause he goes to write poetry on autumn walks#if you're still here reading this have a nice day and a peaceful sleep kisses<33#mine#my art#the magnus archives#tma#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#melanie king#georgie barker#fanart#digital art
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my attempt at making a fursona
#i never see any mole furries so i thought id try my hand at it ^_^#i was hungry making this and was thinking of dirt cup pudding so its partly inspired by that and mario grass blocks#i dont draw furries very often so this was a fun learning experience lol. also!! star nose moles are kinda cute!!!!#when i was coming up with a name my mind kept going back to that tiktok of dogs and the tts voice saying stuff like i like mulch#mulch is my favorite food! yippee mulch!! so if youre wondering where i got the name theres the lore for it#i also wanna make a sea otter fursona.. and perhaps a snowshoe hare or other winter animal. oh or a barn owl!!#im trying to free my mind when it comes to making multiple sonas bc im still trying to wrap my head around it#ive always kinda seen myself as my persona but i want to try and be silly with it. actually while i was making this i was a little doubtful#to call it my fursona bc it doesnt look like me but a little voice inside my head was like well. youre not a 5 foot tall talking mole eithe#so you might as well. and i was thinking abt ppl with their dragon wolves with wings and i was like wow.. youre right... i can do what i#want forever. and brother that shit was enlightening it was like my third eye opened when i realized that#my art#myart#my oc#oc#fursona#mulch#furry art#sfw furry#character design#oc ref sheet#reference sheet
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my stages of watching columbo
1: hahah hes just a silly detective ;)
2: columbo is actually a cunning manipulative liar that hides his true persona behind the facade of a slow and clumsy middle class detective
3: hahah hes just a silly detective ;)
#columbo#when i was watching for the first time I used to analyze these things a lot#and columbos character always struck me like an unsolved puzzle#cause you cant never say what goes on in his head#but as the show kept going you notice that hes not ill intentioned at all#and he does enjoy befriending his suspects and knowing them#although i do think he lies a lot he doesn't do it to “trick” them#but to create intimacy and get to know them better#he actually thinks they deserved to be treated with respect and considers it fun#its kinda rare to a character writing be this consistent#the moments i felt “this doesnt sound like him at all...” were almost nonexistent#well im just babbling around now
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Sometimes I think about how Adrien, throughout the series, constantly grapples with his fear of abandonment. Gabriel conditioned him to believe that any love he receives is purely transactional, and that to earn affection he has to prove his utility. Adrien is constantly trying to prove his worth to his father for scraps of affection, and Chat Noir infamously crumbles on-screen any time he feels as though he is replaceable to Ladybug. It's a constant insecurity of his, like everyone will just dump him like a sack of potatoes the moment they find out how useless he is.
Meanwhile, all Marinette wants to is ensure that Adrien is happy. Because she loves him. She doesn't give two shits about how """useful""" he is. She holds him and tells him that she will never abandon him (both as Ladynoir and as Adrienette), and her fantasies are about saving him, not about him being "useful" to her. Throughout their relationship, Adrien is forced to disappoint Marinette constantly for reasons outside of his control (amok commands), and yet Marinette is still there for him.
At Adrien's lowest point, when he is forcibly torn away from everyone who had ever showed him genuine care, locked away in an all-white room and at his most "useless", right after disappointing Marinette and unable to even join the final battle or contribute in any way, she still saves him. She still loves him. Because he doesn't have to prove anything to her. Because he is loved and cherished for who he is, not for what he does, and that love is not conditional. Adrien's "happy ending" at the end of the first arc wasn't about him finally proving how useful he can be, because he never actually cared about being useful — he just saw it as the only means to feel loved and needed. Instead, in the end, he found out that he was loved and needed no matter what.
#ml s5 spoilers#ml s5 finale spoilers#idk im musing dont mind me#(as always this post isnt an invitation to tell me why You dont like the show. if that's the case then you can make your own post)#i think the ''what does this say about adrien's agency'' reading of the show is fair and an interesting perspective#but personally i find the ''what does this say about adrien's inherent worth as a person / how does this play into his fear of abandonment'#to also be a super valid way to read the series that is just as relevant to his character arc and i don't see people talking about enough#buggachatter
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gonna start scheduling older art (all from this year tho) to post, since i have so much un-posted art goddamn JKAKFKLSD
some desmonds :]
#sxf#spy x family#damian desmond#melinda desmond#demetrius desmond#sxf manga#spy x family manga#sxf manga spoilers#i wanna say that the way i draw deme isn't always indicative of what i think his CANON dynamic with damian is#this is fanart so im allowed to pretend like all is fine and dandy when it's clearly not JKAKLFKLSD#my art#also that is bebe melinda!
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Bleegeghh teh 11th💉🥫 ft. recent outfitz
#queue are lovely#sonaart#i feel awkward drawing myself as not a small dormouse😭😭😭#my two sides cutegirl and someidiot#happy one year to me today… it’s rlly cool to be able to say that#near 10yrs of my life it’s something I always wanted but never thought I’d ever get to do…im very lucky to be on it but at the same time it#rlly make u think about how unfair it is to have had waited so late in life to get the first bite of one’s own autonomy and personhood#it’s a very precious and confusing thing and im still finding out what it means to be someone#but compensation is my favorite singer gendered me correctly so like 🦀🦀🦀#also yes i still plan on answering everything I’ll be officially off hiatus this week (still haven’t drawn much i need to push myself to be#expected to again lol)#but i stopped my meds so i am in withdrawals so forgive me I am. so so so so so out of my mind HSHDHWHD
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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I think often about how in ACOTAR Book 1, Lucien Vanserra was ready to lay down his life for this human girl, Feyre Archeron. Again and again, he stuck his neck out there for her Under the Mountain and throughout the trials. While I do think it is a reflection of his loyalty to friends, his courage against the evil of Amarantha, and his honor for doing what is right…
I also think it was because of Tamlin. Because Lucien didn’t want the one friend who took him in after his darkest day—who helped save him from his family’s wrath and gave him a Court and a home—to watch the girl he loved be butchered cruelly because of who she was in relation to those in power. He didn’t want Tamlin to experience what he did with Jesminda.
The lesser fae and the mortal girl. Everything he did was for them.
For his friend with the stone heart to not break, just as his once did.
#try not to think about how Lucien thought Jesminda was his mate but the bond hadn’t snapped#And Tamlin thought the same thing of Feyre in ACOMAF#maybe Tamlin thought this because of what Lucien had told him once#im not downplaying Lucien and Feyre’s friendship#i am just saying what Tamlin and Lucien shared transcended centuries of loyalty born in the aftermath of Lucien’s trauma#that shit is deep#anyways#Lucien Vanserra#pro lucien vanserra#pro Lucien#Tamlin#pro Tamlin#ACOTAR#feyre archeron#ACOTAR meta#i am always thinking about Lucien
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Uploading all my Tomgreg art at once from the past few week before season 4 hits, who knows in what kind of mental state i'm gonna be once it does :')
#tomgreg#succession#dont even talk to me i started watching this show when i had nothing to do at work and now i watch it with averiel my good friend averiel#and we are going to watch s4 together and i feel physically ill from bein so excited#so ya thats what ive been up to... anyway. i love these idiots they desever nothing but the worst (affectionate)#im also a tomshiv lover btw. im the one who yells 'THIS IS HOW TOMSHIV CAN STILL WIN' while they are actively losing on screen#thats the kind of person i am#dont look at me (lying on the floor)#okay i was not going to say stuff in the tags and let the art speak for itself but i NEED to point out details in the wine Painting..#i put a lot of work into that one. thinly veiled metaphors and symbolism yknow..#greg is gripping the stem of the wine glass with his full fist. tom and greg are dressed in the same outfit (sock garters included)#greg look appalled but he is not doing anything about the spill. tom is fondly pouring greg more and more wine. he is doing him a favor#i colored the red wine the same way i would color blood :) oh and tom is not really touching greg#only holding the chair in place. greg is making himself look smaller than he is like usual#oh and @ the person who said that it's the inverse of the tom and nate scene i love the way you think. i did not think of that before#but god. yeah. i actually thought about the scene change from when roman uhh.. christens his office in s1. the one with the coffee machine#i always go insane at that cut. this is not exactly the same since it's more.. about emotions but yknow.. it can be.. the same...
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the legendary beast (zoom in for better quality if you'd so cheese)
capping the year off with my third redraw of this guy :]
#loz#link#totk#totk spoilers#totk roleswap au#dragon link#dragon link au#tears of the kingdom#botw#tloz#zelda au#zelda#legend of zelda#my art#eye strain#i got very lazy with the colouring/making this look nice and you can tell but i like the concept LOL. and i miss this guy#im very burnt out on loz for now but i still like doodling dragons if nothing else. and im very attached to him#and im very happy with my improvement in just these these few months hehe. still a ways to go as always but yayyyy yipppeeee#ummm what else to say. oh yeah theres some stuff here thats been changed or omitted for artistic purposes#but needless to say each time i draw him i try and think abt what i want to change/keep though the overall idea is sound i think#its mostly the little stuff like his horns and whiskers + scar placement
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