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itslottiehere · 2 years ago

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even the sun gets clouded sometimes (h.s) — part three

hello beautiful people! here we are, part three is all yours. this fic means so much to me, and this part is extremely autobiographic, and i just hope you don’t mind that lol. i just wanted to thank you again for the crazy support i received on this fic, it still doesn’t feel real. thank you, thank you, thank you. please, as always, read the trigger warnings. it’s a sensitive topic, and i don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable. as always, please leave your feedback in my asks on in the tags, it’s really important! without further ado, happy reading! love you all <3

> part one | part two

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tw: angst, fluff, swearing, talk of self harm.

word count: 8.4k (grab a snack)

—

their movie nights became a regular thing. every week, one of them would text the other “movie night?” and in a half hour at most they were sitting on her couch, a take out of some sorts on the coffee table, deciding who could choose the movie that night. it usually happened after a hard day, like when harry’s car got totalled (and he got to sleep on her couch again. “double win this time”, he thought) or when she had back to back clients who were way too rude, and she just wanted to relax. if someone had asked her a month before if she thought about spending time with harry as “relaxing”, she would’ve laughed at their faces for 10 minutes straight. but it turned out that harry’s a great listener, a really good one. maybe not so much at giving advice.

“just tell him to fuck off.”

“harry, i can’t do that, he’s my boss!”

“and what? bosses can’t fuck off?”

this went on for a few weeks, and in that time she got to know a little bit more of harry: his interests, his hobbies, the movies he liked best.

he was a real fan of romcoms, and the dichotomy was extremely funny: a tall, well-built man, who had a resting face that seemed to be of someone bothered 24/7, who teared up whenever he saw a cliché love story.

harry would argue all the time that he was definitely not crying, and she’d let it slide. it was kinda cute.

she also learned that harry was a lover of cats, and wished he could get one but feared that they were going to get lonely, with him being out most of the time.

“it’d be nice to have someone around, you know? the apartment gets lonely sometimes.”

she nodded solemnly, understanding perfectly what he was saying. sometimes it was just nice to have someone there with you. not in a romantic way, not even in a friendly way, but just in.. an existing together kind of way.

she felt the same often, and that’s why niall was frequently over at her place. he loved being at her’s — mostly for the couch and the beer she kept just for him in the fridge — and she liked the company.

harry actually found out a bit more about her. she didn’t share much — and he didn’t dare ask any personal questions this time, still embarrassed about what happened almost two months and a half before. but he learned what she did for a living, which was interesting.

“yeah, i work for a publishing company. that’s why i have a thousand books all over, i can’t seem to find a place for every one of them. but it’s okay, i love being surrounded by them.”

“but the others say that you’re on the night shift whenever you are not out with us, made me think you were a nurse?”

“oh well, they say that when i stay late at the office. i usually stay there till after 11pm, hence why they call it “the night shift”.”

“why do you stay so late?” harry inquired, putting his chin into his hand, leaning a bit forward.

“sometimes it’s because i have a deadline, or because i’m reading a draft that’s just too captivating and i didn’t even realise that time passed. i really enjoy my job, and even if sometimes i have to deal with not-so-nice clients or a crabby boss, i love it all the same.”

“i see, that’s pretty great, actually. not many people get to say that about their job, you know?” she just nodded. “so, any new novels i should be on the lookout for?”

on friday night, harry texted her “movie night?”, even though they already had one on monday, but he was so tired from the week and just wanted to relax. and seeing her was what made him the most relaxed.

more times than not, he wouldn’t be able to finish the movie, nodding off about halfway. then he was waken up by soft — albeit, slightly cold — hands of a certain someone, who put a quilt that smelled so much like her on him and was picking up his legs, urging him to lay down and get in a more comfortable position.

she never woke him up telling him to go home, just offered him a place to stay. he really couldn’t put into words how much he appreciated that.

so, he was hoping to see her and perhaps get to sleep on that soft couch, surrounded by everything that reminded him of her. he didn’t know if it was weird, how much comfort she brought him.

all his hopes were crushed when she texted him back.

“i’m so sorry, i’m on the night shift. rain check?”

he stopped in his tracks. he was already on his way to pick up dinner, because she never said no.

not even when she was on her period and wanted to just be swaddled in a soft blanket, away from the world. she told him that he could come over, but she had one simple condition.

“please bring over the greasiest burger you can think of. there’s an extra key under the doormat, i can’t stand up.”

when he arrived, he did find the keys and he opened the door. he saw her all curled on the couch, and he could’ve just smothered her cheeks with kisses.

the thought scared him at first, but when he really thought of it, it was the same feeling he got whenever he saw a cute little kitten or puppy. like, a cute aggression kind of feeling.

he saw her face light up as soon as he came in her line of sight.

“well, that’s a nice change.” he thought. perhaps her smile was directed to the burger sitting in the bag on the coffee table, but harry thought it was directed to him as well.

so, to hear her say she couldn’t make it to movie night, made him frown. he really, really wanted to see her. he was even going to let her choose the movie!

but a change of plans was needed.

—

it was nearing 8pm, her stomach was rumbling and her eyes were about to close. all she wanted that night was go home, have a nice bath and get into some cozy pjs, preparing herself for the christmas shopping she had to do during the weekend.

the thought of asking harry to come over for a movie night crossed her mind, but she didn’t want to bother him, he probably had better plans for a friday night. she was more of a homebody, so staying at home sounded like a dream, but harry told her he liked going out in clubs and such.

that’s why she was surprised when he texted her, and she hated telling him no, but she had too many things on the following monday, so she thought she would get ahead as much as she could.

which meant that she had to turn down movie night, and she just knew he had that cute pout on his lips, that he’d get once she’d won the third round of “rock, paper, scissors” for who could choose the movie that night.

around 8:15, there was a soft knock on her office door.

“oh sorry guys, i’ll get out right now but you can also not clean this room, i’m going home late!” she got up from her chair and started picking up her papers so she could get out of the cleaning crew’s hair.

but when a familiar mop of curly hair came through the door, she stopped cleaning up.

“harry? what are you doing here? is everything okay?”

“yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. i brought dinner.” he came through the door and walked into her office.

“but... why? a-and how do you know where i work?” she looked at him quizzically.

“i texted sarah and asked her for the address. and why? can’t i just want to see you?”

she couldn’t stop her cheeks from getting warm, as warm as the feeling she was feeling in her belly. he wanted to see her.

“no no, of course.” she coughed a little. “please sit. and thank you so much, i’m so hungry.”

“yeah, i know, i could hear your stomach growling from the end of the hall.” he chuckled.

“hey!” she acted offended, but was smiling as wide as him.

they ate their dinner — well, she inhaled her food — and they chatted a bit.

“so, tell me more about your job. about you, in general. it feels like i’ve done all the talking these last couple of months.” he cleaned his hands on the paper towel, getting his fingers clean from the sticky sauce.

“uhm, i don’t have much to tell, i’m not that interesting to be honest.”

“i think i have to disagree.” he looked up at her, and she could feel herself swoon. “why are you here tonight?”

“oh, i just have back to back staff meetings on monday morning, and then i have meetings with clients in the afternoon and i’m not going to be done with everything in time if i don’t stay late tonight. i need to have the weekend free of work.” she confessed, clearing up her desk from their containers.

“need a weekend away from everything?” he wondered.

“i do, yeah.” she smiled. “but that’s not happening this weekend, unfortunately. i have to shop for christmas presents, i’m already late and i have to get them all at once, and it’s really overwhelming.” she sighed.

“you’re tired.” he noted.

“not all that nice to hear that for a woman, you know? it means i look bad.”

“no, it’s not what i meant. i just can see your eyes halfway closed. you can’t work right now, you’re falling asleep.”

“but i need to, harry, i have to fin-“

“no, you don’t.” he interrupted her, his gaze piercing. “i’m getting you home. and i won’t take no for an answer.”

“but harry, i-“

“nope. we’re going home.”

“but-“

“do i need to pick you up and carry you to the car? because i will do it if you keep fighting me on this.”

she looked at him, wondering how the hell they ended up there.

harry just tilted his head to the side. “you ready?”

it felt like she had no other choice but to nod.

—

when she asked him to stay and watch a movie, harry couldn’t say no, finally getting what he wanted all along.

this time he knew he probably wasn’t going to be the one to fall asleep first, for once! as soon as she was asleep and in bed, he was going to go home.

his plans slightly changed though, because a sleepyhead decided to rest her head on his lap, and he couldn’t move an inch. he wouldn’t.

and honestly? he really didn’t want to.

it was like when a cat decides to rest its head on you. you are the chosen one, and you will not move till the cat moves first.

now, instead of a cute ball of fur, there was a just as cute girl, curled up with her hand close to his knee, lightly fisting the fabric of his trousers.

she didn’t fall asleep that way, but when harry saw the uncomfortable position in which she passed out, he had to do something to make her a little more comfortable. and that’s how they ended up here.

he saw her sleeping before — at adam’s cabin, especially — but never got to linger on her features.

he could see she had a slight furrow in her brows, and he just wanted to put the pad of his finger against her skin and smooth it out. was she having a bad dream? was she overthinking even when asleep? was she uncomfortable?

then he focused on the curve of her nose, and lastly on her lips. they were slightly pouted, a bit open, and just looked so soft. so pretty, and pink, and soft.

harry couldn’t say this was the first time he thought something like that. he found himself often looking at her lips, especially since she told him she usually focuses on them when people talk.

“like, i don’t want to seem like a creep, but if i don’t watch a person’s mouth while they talk to me, it’s like 90% of the information doesn’t reach my ears.”

and since then, he couldn’t stop himself from doing that. although, he often did that with her only.

huh, weird.

and then he started watching her lips when she would eat, seeing how she kept them shut while she was chewing, because she couldn’t bear hearing people making noises with their mouths when they eat. harry got a pillow straight to his face one time, followed by the threat of her smashing his teeth in if he didn’t cut it out. a feisty one, she is.

and while he observed them in all of these occasions, he noticed how plump they were, how pink and just... pretty.

one night, when he was a bit tipsy, he was just about to tell her all of this, but thanks to his lucky starts sarah unknowingly came to his rescue, tearing her away from him and dragging her to the bathroom.

he thought that was for the best, she should never had to know the thoughts he had swirling through his mind. it mostly happened when he was unconscious, especially when he was staying over at her house.

“it’s just because you’re literally surrounded by her stuff. you are in her apartment, on her couch, with her quilt around you, her smell lingering. it’s fine.” he thought to himself, a pathetic way of shoving his dreams out of his mind.

when he first dreamt about kissing her, he was scared shitless. they had been friends for about a little over a month then, and he felt a bit weird dreaming about a friend that way.

it wasn’t even something dirty, they were just having fun at the park, he was pushing her on the swings.

“higher, harry, higher!”

“love, if i push you any higher you’re going to fall!” he said laughing.

“i don’t care, just do that, please!”

“no love, i can’t, you’re gonna get hurt.”

she started slowing down once he stopped pushing her and when she was almost still, he came in front of her, stopping her for good when he placed his hands on her knees, crouching down a little to get to her face level.

when he caught the look she had on her face, he could’ve just melted. she was pouting, pouting, for pete’s sake.

“hey, what’s this all about?” he said, pointing at her lips.

“you didn’t push me higher.” she looked at him, trying her hardest to keep her pouting face, but he could see the smile that wanted to creep up on her face.

“aw baby, want me to make it better?” he said sweetly, tilting his head to the side.

“yes, please. thank you.” she smiled a little, looking at him.

and that’s when he leaned in, leaving a sweet kiss, taking her plush bottom lip between his. he could feel her crumble underneath his touch, even if he was seeing this from a third person point of view. he could feel the soft skin of her lips, tasting her cinnamon chapstick, and what he imagined — and was almost positive — she just tasted like: the sweetest nectarines of the best summer of your life.

when he pulled away, he saw her eyes were still closed, as if she was wanted to bask in the moment for just a second longer.

“made it better?” he told her, smirking at her still flushed face.

“mmh mmh, i think so.” she finally opened her eyes, and smiled back at him. “now, your turn!”

“love, how do you think you’re going to be able to push me!”

“shut up, i’m strong.” he gave her a cut the bullshit look, and she was absolutely offended. “i’ll show you, c’mon! get on then!”

he woke up gasping, looking around the room to understand where he was. when he realised he was at her apartment, he groaned a bit. of course he was.

as said, he was scared. not just by the kiss itself, but by the sheer intimacy of it, because it clearly wasn’t the first they shared, anyone could’ve seen that. he also noticed how happy she was, how loud her laugh was, how comfortable she had to feel with him to show him her more childish side.

what scared him most, you ask?

the fact that he envied the dream version of him.

ever since then, those kind of dreams came to his mind often, but he always pushed them aside, as games his mind was playing on him. he didn’t think about kissing her when he was awake, did he?

“no, i don’t”, he kept telling himself.

but seeing her all curled up against him, her lips looking so soft and plump made him think twice about his words.

instead of just laying one on her — when she was unconscious, may he add — he decided to tuck the hair that fanned over her face behind her ear, with a touch so light he thought that he wasn’t even touching her. but he wanted this contact to last a little bit longer.

so, he lightly grazed his finger over her cheek. even her skin was soft as a pillow, what was wrong with her?

he run his thumb along her jaw, and when he felt her shift, he panicked.

“shit, shit, shit, don’t wake up, don’t wake up, please.” he murmured so quietly it was barely a whisper, putting his hands up as if she was going to go off like a bomb.

she didn’t wake up, but she did turn her head, from facing the tv to facing harry. she brought her hand again at — now — the top of his thighs, but instead of holding onto his trousers, she gripped his sweater, that was a bit baggy.

“thank fuck” he thought, because she would’ve grabbed his crotch if she didn’t find that sweater.

—

after the movie was over — harry didn’t pay too much attention to it, after she fell asleep — he thought it was time to make her go to bed and rest properly. but he really didn’t want to wake her up.

so he tried to pry his sweater away from her fist, just so he could lay down her head on the couch and get up. he did just that, and once he was on his feet, he crouched down again, putting one arm under her knees and one under her back, picking her up.

when she was finally in his arms, she curled up against him, tucking her head in his chest, a hand spread at the center of it. harry looked up to the ceiling, asking any god or ethereal being what the hell did he do to deserve this.

once they reached her bedroom door, he opened it with his foot and carried her to her bed. he tucked her in, and as he was about to leave when he felt someone gently take his wrist, and heard a soft voice, barely a whisper.

“stay over? don’t wanna wake up alone.”

and could he really say no to that?

could he really say no to her?

she was asleep before he could answer, so he just took her hand, squeezed it and told her under his breath. “of course, love.”

—

the following morning harry woke up before her, which was kind of unusual. she was usually the one who stirred him awake to have breakfast — she got better at cooking eggs and pancakes, so he didn’t have to lie anymore about just drinking coffee in the mornings.

but last night she must’ve been spent, she probably wanted to sleep in a little more.

that gave him time to look around her living room, seeing how she decorated for christmas. there was a huge tree, probably almost three meters, with warm yellow fairy lights and red and gold adornments, a shiny star on the top.

then there were all kinds of trinkets all around, even little statues of mary, jesus and joseph, the whole nativity scene. he didn’t know she was a religious person.

he thought it must’ve taken her so long to decorate all by herself, especially the tree. she probably climbed over something to put the star on top, risking to fall down and get hurt. couldn’t she have asked him to help her?

he decided to stop lurking and go into her kitchen to fetch some ingredients to make her breakfast, for a change. when breakfast was almost ready, he decided to go wake her up.

he walked into her bedroom as quietly as possible, not wanting to startle her awake. when harry reached her sleeping figure, he put his hand on her shoulder, shaking a little.

“good morning, sleepyhead. it’s time to wake up.”

she grunted in response.

“c’mon now, breakfast is almost ready.”

she grunted again, making him chuckle.

“not a morning person, are you?”

“just five more minutes, please.” she croaked. he muttered a low “alright”, and went to go back to the kitchen, but her fingers grabbed his wrist.

“stay here, i’m cold. heater must not be working properly.”

he couldn’t say if he was more happy or shocked by her request. smirking, he sat back down on the bed, close to her legs. but that wouldn’t cut it, clearly.

“what are you doing all over there? get in here.” she moved the comforter and patted the bed underneath. when she noticed he wasn’t moving from his spot, she spoke up again. “hey, get in here quick, the heat is going to leave.”

he chuckled, and finally stood up and got into bed beside her. he wasn’t even in there for two seconds, that she was already wrapped around him, as if he was going to disappear.

“just five minutes, right?” he softly asked her, his arm going around her shoulders, hand on her bicep.

“yeah, five minutes.” her face was tucked in his neck, and he could feel her lips grazing the skin of his throat when she spoke.

she really was cold, and she had been the whole night. when he carried her to bed last night, she was half awake, and when she asked him to stay over, she imagined he was going to sleep with her in her bed. but then, he went back to the living room, and she was just too tired to call him back.

so, when harry came to wake her up, she tried putting it a little more plainly, and even then the man couldn’t take the hint.

5 minutes soon turned into an half hour, and she can’t lie: she never felt so comfortable. who knew harry was so great at cuddling?

the both of them were in that sleepy state when you’re not really asleep but you’re not totally awake either, and if she didn’t have to run to the shops to buy christmas presents, then she would’ve stayed there for the whole day.

harry could describe the feeling as heaven, nothing ever felt so right. how come they didn’t cuddle before?

but other questions came to mind: what’s happening? why did he wish he could stay in this bed forever? why does her tracing patters on his chest make him feel like he’s on a rollercoaster?

when they finally dragged themselves out of her bed — that was even more comfy than her couch, if possible — breakfast was indeed ruined and they decided to eat while they went out.

“wait, you want to go christmas shopping with me?”

“you’re the nut job who’s going shopping for presents five days before christmas. you need all the help you can get.”

and so, off to the shops they were.

but here’s the thing: how can you purchase a present for someone who’s right there with you? and what the hell would he like for a present? she had absolutely no clue what to get him.

maybe he wasn’t getting her a present, but she wouldn’t care, after all they started being friends only for a few months before, she wasn’t expecting anything from him. but hell was going to freeze over before she didn’t get him a present, that was for sure.

she got all the others presents, and harry went back to her apartment, looking like a porter with all the bags he had in hand.

“you sure you got everything? don’t you have a third grade cousin that needs something? or a remote uncle that you haven’t seen in 17 years?”

“my god, you should be a comedian.” she looked at him with a fake smile.

“i don’t even know how they are going to receive these if you bought them today.” he scoffed. “mind opening the door for me, darling?”

“i’m trying! you’re a pain in the ass, styles.” she grumbled. “and i’m going to spend tonight packing them, and then i’ll overnight them. i don’t know if they’ll get the presents in time for christmas, but it’s the thought that counts.”

she finally managed to open her apartment door, and let harry go in first: the man couldn’t wait to drop all the boxes and bags.

“and i wouldn’t have this problem if i went back home for the holidays, but i’m not, so here we are.” she said while closing the door.

“why aren’t you going home?” and why did she sound so upset about it?

“you know, work, life, stuff. i hope to see them a little later next year, but going back now was impossible for me.” she shrugged.

“i see. at least we’re going to spend it all together, though?”

“yeah, it’s going to be great, i bet.” she gave him a tight lipped smile, which didn’t sit right with him.

“what’s up?” he asked.

“nothing, what?”

“you’re not the only one who can read people. tell me what’s going on in your mind.” he looked at her pacing around the room, leaving the presents on the kitchen table.

“it’s nothing important, it’s probably going to sound so silly, you wouldn’t-“

“i wouldn’t have asked if i didn’t care. please, tell me.”

she took a deep breath and sat on the couch. “it’s just that christmas is my favourite holiday. i love the atmosphere and back home we really celebrate christmas: a table of no least than 20 people, all the aunts and uncles and cousins, people who i probably see once a year, at that very dinner.

and then we have all these traditions, little things that make me miss home. like, my mum used to wake up me and my sister with christmas music on christmas day, every single year, and she still does it every time we get back home for the holidays.

or like, on christmas eve, me, mum and my sister go to the church i used to go to when i was younger for the vigil, and we have this mass that it’s like two hours long but it’s just so beautiful. i wouldn’t consider myself a religious person, but being in that room just brings me so much comfort that i can’t even put into words.” she looked up at him, eyes a bit teary.

“then we used to come home, around 11am and we would watch “the grinch” while we waited for midnight to open our presents.” she sighed. “it’s such a special holiday for me, and when i think about the fact that there was a time when it didn’t feel like that, when i was away from them... i don’t know, it makes me sad.” she gave him a small smile, looking down at her shoes.

“hey.” he put his hand on her knee. “we don’t have to talk about this, any of this. i’m sorry i pushed you, i didn’t want to make you sad.”

“no, it’s okay.” she swallowed thickly. “i- uh.” he saw she was struggling to find the words.

“i think i’d like to speak about that, if you wanted to hear about it. i don’t want to force you to stay there and just... i don’t know, throw all my trauma at you.”

“you wouldn’t. i would gladly listen, if you feel comfortable enough, though. niall is going to rip my head off if you aren’t.” the last part he murmured under his breath.

“what was that?” she inquired.

“nothing important, love. whenever you are ready.”

she took another deep breath, sitting crisscrossed on the couch, facing him but with her head looking towards her fingers, which she was basically tearing apart.

“since i was a child, i used to feel things, emotions, very strongly. i would always say that they would feel amplified, and i absolutely loved that. i loved feeling everything so deeply, because it reminded me that i was alive and i was here and i could do anything i wanted to. but once i moved away, i don’t know what happened, but i just started feeling a little less, and a little less. till i was numb.

i was desperate, i couldn’t recognise the person looking back at me in the mirror. i didn’t cry, i didn’t laugh, i was just... being, existing. i was younger, i was stupid and i did something even more stupid, just wishing that i would feel something, even if that something was pain.” her voice started wavering, she pulled her lips in her mouth in an attempt to stop her tears from falling.

harry was watching her, but didn’t dare utter a word. she was finally opening up — he doesn’t know if for the first time ever or not, but he didn’t dream of interrupting her, if she wanted to go on.

after a little while, when it seemed like she calmed down a bit, she resumed talking.

“it went on for a while. it wasn’t just the physical aspect of it that was causing me problems, but also the mental state i was in. i cut everyone out of my life, didn’t go home for two years straight: i skipped christmas, birthday dinners, anniversaries. i felt like the worst person ever walking on earth, but i still couldn’t really feel anything. and that just made me spiral, because i was mourning the person i was before. i missed her. fuck, i missed her so much.” she sniffled.

“but then, one day i just knew that it all was getting too much, that i couldn’t keep going like this or else the ending i was heading towards was going to be catastrophic. so i reached out and asked for help: i went to therapy, and i still go to this day. not exactly for the same reasons, but mostly to have a place where i can just let go, i guess.” she stopped and looked at harry, who was staring at her, his brows lightly furrowed, meaning he was listening to every word.

“and therapy really helped getting me out of that mental space. it was difficult, uncomfortable, i had my fair share of setbacks, but during one session my therapist told me something that i hold close to my heart to this day, ever since then.” she smiled to herself, eyes focused on the cushion she was sat on.

“she told me: ‘you know, even the sun gets clouded sometimes.’ even the happiest people — or what seem to be the happiest of people — have their dark days. and that’s fine. you just need to get through them.”

harry thought that no metaphor could ever be as perfect to describe her as this one was.

he was still silent, waiting to see if she had anything else to add. but she misinterpreted his silence for something bad.

“oh god, i’m sorry if this was too much for you, you could’ve told me to stop but since you didn’t i went on and i didn’t even check-”

he couldn’t stop himself from grabbing her waist and make her straddle his lap, arms tightening in a hug that could’ve crushed her bones, but he didn’t care, he just wanted to have her close. his face tucked in her neck, inhaling her perfume, and he hoped she could understand from this hug everything he wanted to say, but couldn’t find the right words to say out loud.

he didn’t need to say anything, all she had to know was expressed by the way he was hugging her. his face rested in her neck, her hand went straight to his hair, playing with the curls at the nape of his neck.

she doesn’t know for how long they stayed like that, but didn’t even care.

—

christmas was around the corner. on monday, she went to the post office, dropped off every present, went to work and had the full day she knew she was going to have, but she had just two more days of work before christmas eve, then she’d spend that beautiful following day with her friends. it wasn’t going to be like at home, but it was with another family she loved just as much.

during these two days, she worked hard on harry’s present. she didn’t know if it was going to be as good as she wanted it to be, but she’d try her very best to make sure it was.

on christmas eve, she stayed home putting the finishing touches on the presents that she had to bring the following day at sarah’s, and checked on the food she had to prepare for their dinner.

around 9pm, she sat down on the couch, looking at her decorated apartment.

the christmas tree she got was almost a carbon copy of the one her mum had at home: three meters tall, way too big for her living room; even the decorations were very similar.

she was sad about not being able to go home that year, but she had to be back to work on the 27th and it wasn’t smart to make such a long trip for just one day, even if it was a special one.

but there was something more that was making her sad, or well, worried: she hadn’t skipped christmas since those years. she wasn’t in that mental place anymore, she had been clean for years now, but you can never know what could trigger you and make you fall back in old habits.

so she tried not to think about that, but of course she just couldn’t stop. she started feeling guilty for behaving the way she did, cutting everyone out of her life, lying to them and pretending she was alright. in her mind, she knows she wasn’t in a good mental state, but that didn’t take away any of the guilt she was feeling.

her thoughts were interrupted by a knocking on the door. she thought that maybe it was the landlady coming by to wish a happy christmas — she was a lovely older lady who always gave her candy whenever she ran into her.

but when she opened the door, she found someone a little bit younger than her 70-year-old landlady.

harry stood there with a bottle of red wine and a present in hand.

“happy christmas eve. let me in?”

“and here i thought you were a caroller. you sure you don’t want to sing anything?”

“shut up and let me in, it’s freezing.”

this was probably the first time harry came over unannounced. he always texted her first, or waited for her to text him for their movie nights, but since she told him about the traditions she had with her family back home, he knew he had to do something.

it wasn’t hard to understand that this holiday season was hard for her, not only because she was far from her family, but because of what happened in the past when she was away from them.

harry could imagine the kind of thoughts that had been swimming in her head these last few days, and he couldn’t stand it. no one should have these kind of thoughts ever, especially not during the holidays.

especially not her.

so, he decided to participate in one of the little traditions she told him about, and thought that maybe they could watch “the grinch” together and open their presents at midnight.

when he told her this, she had the prettiest smile on her face. she never smiled at him like this, and this time he was sure that it was for him. that made him smile just as wide.

they watched “the grinch” together and they both teared up at the part where he was picked on at school.

harry was shocked when she told him that cindy lou was played by the same actress that played jenny humphrey in gossip girl.

“no fucking way that’s her! she looks so sweet here!”

“people grow up, harry.” she laughed. “and hold on- you watched gossip girl? how have you never shared this with me?”

“didn’t think it was an interesting fact to share.”

“are you kidding me? it’s a very important piece of information! you can’t trust anyone these days.” she muttered ironically, but that didn’t stop harry from throwing a pillow at her.

once the grinch was over, it was around 11:30, so they decided to make some hot chocolate and wait for midnight.

“alright, 11:59, one minute to go!”

“you know it’s christmas and not new year’s, do you?”

“yes, you ass, i do know. but i wanted to wish you merry christmas at exactly midnight.”

harry smiled at her, shaking his head lightly.

they looked at each other, until her screen showed 12:00am, making it officially christmas day.

“merry christmas, harry.” she said sweetly.

“merry christmas, love.” he answered back, looking at her fondly.

“now, for the good part... presents! wait here, i have to get yours in my bedroom.”

“ooh, i like where this is going.” he said smirking, earning an eye roll from her.

“get your mind out of the gutter, styles. you little freak.”

he shook his head, but he was getting a bit antsy. what if she didn’t like his present? what if he didn’t like her present and his poker face wasn’t good enough and he made her feel bad? he was sure she could’ve gifted him something straight out of the trash and he would’ve loved it, but you never know.

she came back into the living room, and he could see she was feeling the same way as him. she sat back down on the floor with him, near the tree, and had her presents in hand.

wait, presents, plural.

he was fucked, wasn’t he?

“they aren’t the greatest presents and i usually am great at gift giving, like insanely good. but i really did try my best and i hope i didn’t disappoint too much. go easy on me, please.” she said the last bit laughing, but he could feel the insecurity in her voice.

he wanted to let her know that she would never disappoint him, but no words were coming out of his mouth.

huh, so your smart mouth can talk shit all day but can’t pay her a compliment?

but it felt like she already knew.

“so, this one first.” it was in a tube, and he didn’t know what to think. so he was quick to open it, and he smiled widely when he saw what it was.

“it’s a movie poster where you can scratch the movies you have seen. i bought the same one, i want to put it up the wall, so we can see those movies together and scratch them.” she said, looking down at her hands.

“i love this. this is so beautiful, thank you so much.” he said truthfully. it was such a sweet gesture, and of course she would think of such a thing.

“alright, then for the second present. i thought the first one wasn’t going to be enough-” he went to interrupt her but she wouldn’t let him. “no, you shush. i thought it didn’t convey how much i care about you, so i wanted to give you this.”

she gave him the next gift, that resembled a book a lot. when he opened it, he smiled to himself: “the unbearable lightness of being”.

she told him a thousand times that this was her favourite book and that he just had to read it, because it changed her life. but when he opened the book and flipped through the pages, his breath hitched.

this was her own copy.

“i, uh. i annotated it for you. i know it’s a used copy, — and i’ve read it like 20 times i think, so it’s pretty used — but i felt like it was just right to use my own. it’s kind of like i’m giving a piece of me to you, and i wouldn’t want to give it to anyone else, to be honest.”

he heard what he said, but couldn't tear his eyes from the book in his hands.

inside the first page, there was a small inscription.

“thank you for being here even when it’s cloudy. merry christmas, H.”

he was staring at the words scribbled on the page, wondering how lucky he had to be to be there, with her.

“it’s okay, if you don’t like it, i can just-”

“please, stop with that. i love it, i’m just speechless, i don’t think a thank you is gonna cut it.”

“a thank you is more than enough, harry. it’s nothing too special.” she shrugged.

“it is to me. and i’ll hold onto this forever, i promise you.” he said looking deep into her eyes, making her soft.

“i’m glad you like it, then.” she smiled. “and you speechless? that can be my present, holy shit!” she tried to lighten the air a bit, given the seriousness of that moment.

“heyy! rude.” he scowled. “now, for your present.”

he gave her a box, wrapped with a pretty bow and a note attached to it; she decided to read what he wrote before opening the present.

she was so giddy, anxious and happy. she couldn’t believe she was actually here with harry, reliving a tradition she only had at home. and she couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that this was all harry’s idea, that he wanted to make her feel as if she was home.

she was just so grateful for that mishap in the woods back in october, because it brought them here, and she wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

she opened the little envelope, and took out the note.

“with the hope you’ll find your eugene fitzherbert soon enough.”

she looked up at him quizzically, but he just tilted his chin forward, silently telling her to open the box and check for herself what his note was referring to.

when she finally opened it, she felt her jaw hitting the floor.

“it’s a first edition. you probably already know this, but rapunzel is a story by the grimm brothers. and i know there’s no eugene fitzherbert in this one, and i know you love him, but i couldn’t not buy this when-”

he couldn’t finish his sentence because she threw herself in his arms, tackling him to the ground with her on top.

“this is the best thing anyone has ever gotten me. you’re just the sweetest harry, i can’t believe you did this for me. i don’t deserve this, oh my god.” she whispered in his neck, her lips grazing the soft skin. he felt the small kiss she left right on his throat, and he hugged her tightly against him, as if he wanted for them to stick together.

“you deserve this and more, love.”

they stayed on the ground for a little while, and when she was trying to pull away he just hugged her closer.

“just, uh. just one more minute, okay?” he said lowly.

“of course. whenever you want to let go.”

he thought he never wanted to.

but when she tried to pull away again, he couldn’t stop her.

“now my presents look like shit, in comparison to yours.” she pouted, but it was soon replaced with a smile. “i can’t even think about how much you spent over it, my goodness. you’re nuts.”

harry just chuckled, and she started talking again, looking at him in a new way.

“uh, can i do something? but you have to tell me if you’re not comfortable and if you want to stop right away, because i don’t want you to feel forced into anything and-”

harry quickly picked up where this was going, so he placed his hand on the back of her neck, sat up, went and shut her up for good.

her lips felt as soft as they looked, as soft as they did when he’d dream about them. this was what heaven felt like, he was sure of it.

he lightly bit her lower lip, taking it between his front teeth, earning a small whimper from her. he was going to die, he was sure of it. but if this is the last thing he got to do, he’d pass away peacefully.

she had been waiting for this moment for so long, and now that it was happening it felt like she was walking on air. his lips felt like soft pillows against her own, and she could taste the hot chocolate on them and his tongue. she couldn’t get enough.

when he pulled her bottom lip with his front teeth — those bunny teeth she was lucky enough to see whenever he gifted her a toothy grin — she couldn’t help but whimper against him, melting even more when he sucked on it lightly, as if to make it better.

they kept kissing until they were out of breath, but it seemed like neither of them wanted to leave the other’s lips for even just a second, afraid that this perfect moment was going to disappear.

but harry pulled away first, afraid of actually passing out if he kept going.

and god, he couldn’t believe the sight he had in front of him: her eyes still closed, as if she was wanted to bask in the moment for just a second longer.

exactly like he dreamt about.

when she fluttered her eyes open, he knew he was done for. that was it, the peak of his existence. how had she gotten him so wrapped around her little finger? he was absolutely whipped for her.

she looked into his eyes, those pools of green that had always drawn her in. eight months ago, they looked at her with something very close to disdain, but now? disdain was the furthest thing she could find in them.

and fuck, was she glad about it.

after they stared at each other for a while, she spoke up again. “i still feel like i need to pay you back somehow, that present was too much.”

“mmh, i think i have an idea.” he smirked, leaning in.

“oh really?” she said teasingly, leaning in as well.

“mmh mmh.”

and they kissed again. and again. and again. and a little more after that.

—

on christmas morning, she woke up snuggled in her comforter, with two arms wrapped around her midsection, keeping her close. she sighed with content.

could things get any better?

“‘morning, love.”

apparently they could. he felt his lips kiss her head, but she wanted more. she turned around to face him, and didn’t wait a second to smash her lips against his, hearing him hum against her lips.

“good morning, bub.” she smiled against his lips, leaving another quick kiss. “sorry, i didn’t even brush my teeth.”

he shook his head, grinning at her. “don’t care, not even in the slightest. i’ve waited for way too long to do this, so please do whenever you want to.” to mark his words, he kissed her again.

“you did?” she looked up at him and he nodded.

“waited a long while for you, darling. i don't mind having waited now, though.”

“ah, you’re such a sap. no surprise you love romcoms.” she smacked his chest lightly, leaving her hand right above his heart.

“hey! don’t be rude now.” he scolded her with a smile on his lips.

“alright alright, you walmart version of ryan gosling.”

“oh, you’re going to regret this.”

—

harry had to go back to his place to get ready and pick up the gifts to bring to sarah’s.

“can’t you come with me?” he pouted.

“i’m sorry, i have to shower, get dressed and stuff. i’ll see you in a little while, i promise.”

“you could just wear my stuff.”

that made her feel all gooey on the inside, but also made her chuckle. “don’t worry, i’ll steal all your hoodies in no time. i've already started, if you remember.” she smiled, leaving a small peck on his nose.

“good. they look better on you anyway.” he pecked her lips three times before kissing her for a little longer.

“okay, now you have go or else we’re going to be late.” she said between kisses.

“mmh mmh, you’re right, should definitely go.” he said, but just went ahead and kissed her, before she pushed her hand against his chest.

“stop it, we really are going to be late. i’ll see you soon, i promise.” she smiled softly at him, lightly shoving him outside her door.

who thought harry could be such a softie? again, herself from 8 months ago would be laughing like a crazy person if she knew that harry was at her doorstep, pouting because he had to go home and couldn’t keep kissing her.

a couple of hours later, she was dressed up and ready to go. she heard her phone ring, meaning she received a message. glancing at her phone, she couldn’t help the smile on her face.

“i’m on my way. you ready?”

“yes, i am, E.”

“don’t know if you thought this was another person you spent all day kissing, but my name starts with an H, love.”

she didn’t bother telling him why she called him E, maybe he’d get it someday.

—

here it is! it’s time to say goodbye to these two softies. this fic is probably the best thing i’ve ever written, and i’m incredibly proud of it. i hope you enjoyed it as well! thank you so much for your support, it’s been crazy. thank you!

tag list (for those tagged, do you want to be on the permanent tag list? let me know!):

@his-only-angel-1989 @sunshinemoonsposts @cherrysulewski @idgasb @feestyles @msolbesg @call1800coochie @a-strange-familiar @the-art-of-living-honestly @onlyangel-k @sushiirestaurant @annesauriol @longingtobewithu @jjharry @hes-club @fairyinpurple @harrysbigspoon

#my writing #harry styles #harry styles angst #harry styles blurb #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles os #harry styles x reader #harry x reader #harry styles imagine #harry styles writing #harry styles x y/n #harry x y/n #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic rec #harry styles smut

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phoenixtakaramono · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! :) I was reading your post about SQH in TUT and it got me thinking. Since this version also wrote SVSSS, when he transmigrates does he realize his "dream" was real? Also, you hinted that he recognizes SY as the same person who transmigrated into SQQ, so now I'm wondering if he tells SY that, and how SY would react to learning he's the protagonist of SVSSS in another universe. I just love thinking about how meta this could potentially get, haha.

Can't wait to find out more! Keep up the good work!

(Follow-Up Post to: Part I, Part II)

@the-legend-of-chel 👏👏👏 Luv, good to see you in my Asks! I’m glad to hear that you’re looking forward to finding out more in The Untold Tale! And thanks for your support and encouragement. 💖

(TUT ch1 - Excerpt)

You’re right. There is a lot of meta potential with older!Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky being the MXTX equivalent in this AU—or, rather, I like to imagine him growing up to be the Stephen King equivalent of modern day China with a prolific portfolio of written works (novels and short stories, and extras). In canon, he churned out a great number of words per chapter and in a speedy amount of time! Do you guys know how miraculous that is, as a writer? I envy him so much! To be able to churn out that much content in a short amount of time, and in a scheduled regimen, is amazing! That’s basically my angle having written this into the prologue of TUT. That’s partially the reason why I wrote ch1. I liked the idea of paying homage to SVSSS and saying that it’s an actual book series in TUT universe that Airplane wrote (as funny as the idea would be, I wasn’t about to let SY be the one to write it, lol, for intellectual property reasons since the PIDW characters belong to Airplane, which would necessitate SY changing names and character appearances if he published what we know as irl SVSSS, so the best I can give SY is saying he wrote his own PIDW fanfic which basically launched his novelist career because he’d realized, hey, I actually have a knack for writing and the ever so spiteful I feel like practically every writer has had this thought before: fine, if I don’t see what I want to read, then I’ll write it myself!)

(TUT ch1 - Excerpt)

We’re approaching TUT spoiler territory so skip below if you don’t wish to be spoiled.

TUT (Meta) Spoilers

I personally love meta. If I’m to be writing a lovestory to SVSSS, there will be attempts at meta thrown into TUT. And this is one of them:

Airplane did “dream” about canon SVSSS. He basically “dreamt” about his favorite black powder fan, Peerless Cucumber

changing events of Airplane’s biggest regret Proud Immortal Demon Way. (As a writer, it embarrasses me to read my old writing. So I imagine it could be the same for Airplane.) As an author, Airplane recognized what he dreamt had potential to be a commercial success as a danmei transmigration story so basically every time he woke up, he would write pieces of what he remembers in a dream journal when the memory was fresh in his brain. It also allowed Airplane the opportunity to show his readers through the perspective of SY! Shen Qingqiu what Airplane had originally wanted to write, but integrated in a way that blends seamlessly into the reading experience. He would’ve thought it was a bit weird and strange that his brain dreamt about his past critic—whom he’d considered a small celebrity in the PIDW forums back then—aka his anti-fan-turned-accomplished-novelist in the writing industry, so he felt embarrassed that his unconscious brain must have thought very highly of the man.

So Airplane omitted any mention of Peerless Cucumber from the final draft of SVSSS (if he mentioned both “Shen Yuan” and “Peerless Cucumber,” then even SY would be like, Hey, wait one moment....). This detail will be included in a later chapter, but did you know the name “Shen Yuan” has come up in other works? Let’s ignore the variations on the Chinese written characters for the name “Shen Yuan.” There was the evil older brother character Shen Yuan from The Rebirth of the Malicious Empress of Military Lineage, a side character named Shen Yuan from a C-drama (I think he was an old minister?), and there’s even an irl visual artist named Shen Yuan. Shen Yuan (Shen Garden) is also a famous romantic garden in Shaoxing, known for the love story between Lu You and Tang Wan.

(Shen Yuan Garden - Trip Advisor Review)

Basically “Shen Yuan” in itself is not a particularly uncommon name in China (imo I would not say it’s super popular either). So when SY saw his name mentioned once or twice in Airplane’s SVSSS—aka rebooted PIDW—during his read-through, he was like, Huh, what a strange coincidence. And then dismissed it as circumstantial and thought nothing of seeing his name come up in a cutsleeve novel as the new protagonist, haha. It’s like a book written by Anne Rice; one of the titles coincidentally has the same name as mine. Now, obviously the book and main character is not based or inspired by me; I just coincidentally share the same name. If I see books which have characters with my same first name, generally I like to read them and sometimes even collect them for my bookshelves. Because there’s something just so fun and interesting about seeing your own name in a fictional piece of work.

There’s also meta joke potential about Airplane dreaming of himself being transmigrated into the cannon fodder Shang Qinghua and seeing the romantic miscommunications between the younger version of himself (his self-insert essentially) and the fictional Mobei jūn character. I can certainly say seeing such dreams would make Airplane question his sexuality and awaken something dormant in him, haha. He’d realize he might not be not as straight as he thought he was, if his brain was capable of dreaming of SY!SQQ being crushed on by LBH, and SQH being crushed on by MBJ and essentially following MBJ around calling him “my king” this and “my king” that. He’ll be sweating bullets when he meets this world’s version of MBJ, because Airplane will definitely remember how the younger Self-Insert version of himself acted toward MBJ in the SVSSS world. (It’s the classic “Just because I dreamed about it happening doesn’t mean it’ll happen here, right? ...Right? Cucumber brother, you’re a fortuneteller! Please check our eight characters for me! I have to know my marriage compatibility with Mobei jūn!”)

In a later chapter, there will be the reveal where Airplane tells Shen Yuan that he “dreamt” of a universe where a younger version of Shen Yuan—having choked on mantou (馒头) (paying homage to the donghua) or just being transmigrated in general after raging at a younger ASTTS’s writing (paying homage to the books)—transmigrated into the Shen Qingqiu we know from SVSSS who married Bing mèi. Because I think it will be hilarious when TUT’s SY finds out about the true source of Airplane’s inspiration, and he’ll naturally freak out over the fact that this is the very same Bing gē from Airplane’s Bing-gē vs Bing-mèi extra and that he’s essentially somehow stumbled on the same path as the alternative younger SY!SQQ “from Airplane’s imagination.” I will leave this open to interpretation if this does show up (it’s just an idea I’m playing with) but I might hint that there might be a higher power at play which allowed Airplane a peek into another universe—which manifested as his dreams.

I very much like this dynamic (we might see this exchange, verbatim, in a future chapter in TUT):

SY/ LBH —> He gave him a disdainful gaze.

Airplane cried inwardly at the oppression and the feeling of being wronged.

Haha, none of this is really Airplane’s fault^ though. It’s a fun parallel and if I’m still motivated when we get to the wedding and consummation chapter, we might see an epilogue where SY and Bing gē from TUT meets SY!SQQ and Bing mèi maybe. Because I think it’ll be funny with the two LBHs getting into a shouting/ fighting match about who has the “superior Shen Yuan” while the two SYs just shake their heads at their silly husbands (and potentially TUT’s SY, as the older party, can impart his fortunetelling wisdom and advice to SY!SQQ).

Personally I can’t wait when we get to those chapters, because I know it’ll be entertaining to write, haha. Personally TUT is a fun project because there’s just so much meta potential that can be incorporated and I have a lot of fun imagining the scenarios.

*Note: like always, keep in mind that these are just my current thoughts. Details are subject to change; things aren’t considered official until they show up in the final draft on AO3. :)

The Novelists’ First Impressions

The first impression SY and Airplane will have of each other will be fun. Because in their perspective, written in my notes it’s essentially like:

(Airplane seeing SY):

His first reaction was shock. Shock because the mere mortal he used to be could not conceive so much charisma being emitted by this guy.

This is definitely a man who had put all of his stats into CHARISMA.

(SY seeing Airplane):

He's suspiciously good looking in ways that normal people are not.

Ah, the Cucumberplane friendship in TUT is going to be so much fun. Not only are these two older souls who transmigrated (both are mid-aged in this universe), they’re both accomplished novelists in their own right in the writing industry. Which means with these two being celestial beings, there’s so many clichés we can playfully poke fun at.

It also makes me laugh because imagine being SY, and seeing a guy (mortal!Airplane) who exudes the same energy as these two imperial princes GIFs:

#svsss #人渣反派自救系统 #shang qinghua #moshang #shen yuan #bingyuan #binggeyuan #the untold tale #phoenixtakaramono #ask #the-legend-of-chel #phoenix talks #reply #replied #answered #I’m almost done photobashing older SY #so there’s gonna be additional visual context #for how he appears in TUT (my headcanon at least)

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thefoulbeast · 3 years ago

Text

Writers tag game!

A big thank you to @saathiray for the tag! This looks like a really interesting one to do!! :D :D

Alright, let's get into it...

How many works do you have on ao3?

21!

What's your total ao3 word count?

ough.... maths..... if i wrote the numbers down right, then 187 780 words! :D

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

To no one's surprise, most of there are blue exorcist fics haha :,D

1. Clickflight. (71) 2. Ad terram nullium. (61) 3. Oh, my worst emotions. (60) 4. Human(oid?) (59) 5. aranea et flamma (42)

Do you respond to comments; why or why not?

I do! Well, almost every time (but the comment has to rub me the wrong way / confuse quite hard to make me not respond). I don't really know why? It just feels polite maybe shdusdh

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I'm not sure any of my fics have particularly angsty endings 🤔 They're mostly ambiguous or menacing in some way hahah... Perhaps Ad terram nullium or Oh, my worst emotions are the angstiest ones. Cor Aegrotum is also a good contender because it definitely ends on a bitter note. :D :D ahh idk lmao

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Another difficult question. Not sure. Speak fondly upon that memory is probably the most feel-good fic I have so I reckon it has the happiest ending 😂

Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written?

I don't think I've ever written a crossover, no. The closest is a current wip that's like characters from one thing in the setting of another thing? But I didn't keep any characters from the thing I got the setting from, not sure if it counts as a crossover lmao.

Hope this made sense <3

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, I have not, thank goodness! Perhaps quite lucky, since I know one of my faves isn't too well liked in the fandom lol. But it's a small fandom, and the character isn't very popular so ¯\(´･ω･`)/¯

Also, I'm not exactly a well known/popular author so. I can just do whatever I want most of the time lmao

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have written smut, various kinds of it. >//-//>

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. Hopefully not :D

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, I haven't ^w^ I've considered trying my hand at translating fics on occasion though, I like translating stuff well enough. Not that anyone needs fics translated into latvian much 😂

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! But I think I'd like to try someday maybe, because two authors and friends I look up to a lot (jay & rynoa if u read this ily) collaborate on a lot of fics and they always come out so cool and good and solid and i think that's so neat that creatives can come together like that?? like wow!! truly amazing and beautiful to witness <3

What's your all-time favourite ship?

Genuinely don't know!

I've come back to a specific collection of Tarn/Deathsaurus (from the transformers more than meets the eye comic) fics a whole bunch so I guess that's as close as it gets!

I... have a hard time remembering stuff I like outside of the periods I am obsessed with it, you see. Currently I'm reading a lot of star wars fics so there's a lot of kylux and some gingerpilot?

it's really hard to say, im not sure i have an all-time favourite , more just a bunch of faves i come back to from time to time

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

A fic I started about Tarn from transformers getting some kind of head injury and having to re-learn how to speak? I really like the concept of it because his voice is how he kills and all that, but I just don't know what direction it could go in anymore. It's more of a thing I can ponder about privately rather than something I want to bring to a finish and publish, if that makes sense?

Other than that one, I have a whole bunch of fics I started in fandoms I dipped my hands into but never found friends and stuff off who to bounce my ideas so the motivation kind of died. One of those was a thing for Gotham's Penguin - I was going to do like a life story in vignettes but I recognise now I won't finish it :D

What are your writing strengths?

I sort of? Idk how to put this in a way that doesn't sound too self-aggrandizing, but once I get into a character's head, I get into a character's head. Multiple people have praised my characterizations, one even going as far as to say that the voices sound like the canon and that's something I hold really dearly in my heart and which makes me feel v warm inside. ;3; <3 <3 <3

What are your writing weaknesses?

World building and having more than 2 people in a fic 😭 I focus so much on the character I'm writing about that sometimes it's hard to think about everything that happens around them, or to make the other characters have enough depth! All my fics are like... sticking to a single person, deep pov style. I would like to get out of my comfort zone more and try and write fics that focus on more than one character!

What are your thougts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

There's a time and place for everything! Usually I just hope that there's translations in the end notes 😂😂 But it can definitely help in making the reader feel as helpless and confused as the character who doesn't speak the language :D

What was the first fandom you wrote fic for?

Ib, the rpg game, I think? At least that's the first one I wrote fic for on the computer, I think I might have written something like yugioh fanfic in a notepad in sixth grade 🤔🤔 afraid i've lost both, though

What's your favourite fic that you've written?

ahh... difficult question...

I think it's sort of a tie between Somnus and Even a worm will turn? They're both about Toudou and I like them for different reasons. Somnus just came out so beautiful and poetic, I think, a lot of meaning packed into just under 1k words, whereas Even a worm will turn is like a beast full of negative emotions and violence and all the dark stuff and the way the soul blackens as it goes down the slippery slope between what one feels they have to do and what is right that i managed to get out in a weirdly cathartic way... It's really hard to decide on this question hahah...

-------------------------

As for tagging my fellow writers and friends: @shiroufujimoto @29rynoah @tonguetiedraven @kugisaki-nobara-rights @yuriotoko @inuyoshie @bluewindfall @emperorsvornskr

#text #tag meme #this is so longgg im sorry

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snarktheater · 4 years ago

Note

Hey, d'you have any French book recs? I'm trying to work on my French, and rn I have downloaded one of my favourite book series' French translations, but I figured maybe books already written in French might work better? Also have you read the Ranger's Apprentice series? 1/2

RA's def flawed - the books' narration does like to point bright arrows at the protagonists' intelligence, and the last few books def have the tone of 'old white man trying to write feminism', although at least he's trying? - and it's aimed more to the younger side of YA, but it is still a very fun series, and I can ignore the flaws fairly easily, at least partly due to nostalgia? This rather long lol but I'm wordy.

I'll start with the second question: no, although every time the series is brought up I have to check the French title and go "oh, right, I've seen these books in stores". But I've never purchased or read them. It sounds like something I probably would have enjoyed as a teen but I just missed the mark, and these days I'm trying to drown myself in queer books, so that probably isn't happening.

As for your first question, geez, I haven’t read a French book in years, so this is gonna skew middle grade/YA, though that may not be so bad if the point is to learn the language. I will also say that as a result, these may read a little outdated.

I'll put it under a cut, even if Tumblr has become really bad with correctly displaying read mores. Sorry, mobile crowd.

It's also likely that old readers of the blog will have seen me talk about most of these. I don't feel like going through old posts.

One last thing: while I was curating this list I took the time to make a Goodreads shelf to keep track of those.

The Ewilan books by Pierre Bottero

(It's a testament to how long ago I read these books that these are not the covers of the edition I own, and I can't even find those on Google. I'm settling for a more recent cover anyway since it'll make it easier to find them, presumably)

There are at least three trilogies (that I know of) set in the same world.

The first trilogy is essentially an isekai (so, French girl lands in parallel fantasy world by accident) with elements of chosen one trope, though I find the execution makes it worth the while anyway.

The second trilogy is a direct sequel, so same protagonist but new threat, and the world gets expanded.

The third one is centered around a supporting characters from the previous books, and the first couple of books in it are more her backstory than a continuation, though the third one concludes both that trilogy and advances the story of the other books as well.

Notably these books have a really fun magic system where the characters "draw" things into existence. It's just stuck with me for some reason.

A bunch of stuff by Erik L'Homme

I have read a lot of this man's books, starting with Le Livre des Etoiles.

They also skew towards the young end of YA, arguably middle grade, I never bothered to figure out where to draw the line. They're coincidentally also using the premise of a parallel world to our own (and yes, connected to France again, the French are just as susceptible of writing about their homeland), but interestingly are set from the point of view of characters native to the parallel world.

It also has a very unique magic system, this one based on a mix of a runic alphabet and sort-of poetry. I'll also say specifically for these books that the characters stuck with me way more than others on this list, which is worth mentioning.

This trilogy is my favorite by Erik L'Homme, but I'll also mention Les Maîtres des brisants, which is a fantasy space opera with a pirate steampunk(?) vibe. I think it's steampunk. I could be mistaken. But it's in that vein. It's also middle grade, in my opinion not as good, but it could just be that it came out when I was older.

Another one is Phaenomen, which was a deliberate attempt at skewing older (though still YA). This one is set in our (then-)modern world and centers a group of teens who happen to have supernatural powers. I guess the best way to describe it is a superhero thriller? If you take "superhero" in the sense of "people with individualized powers", since they don't really do a lot of heroing.

...I really need to brush up on genre terminology, don't I.

The Ji series by Pierre Grimbert

This one is actually adult fantasy, though it definitely falls under "probably outdated". It is very straight, for starters, and I'd have to give it another read to give a more critical reading of how it handles race (it attempts to do it, and is well meaning, but I'm not sure it survives the test of time & scrutiny, basically).

If I haven't lost you already, the premise is this: a few generations ago, a weird man named Nol gathered emissaries from each nation of the world and took them to a trip to the titular Ji island. Nobody knows what went down here, but now in the present day, someone is trying to kill off all descendants from those emissaries, who are as a result forced to team up and figure out what's going on.

I'm not going to spoil past that, though I will say it has (surprise) a really unique magic system! I guess you can start to piece together what my younger self was interested in. Which, admittedly, I still am.

Once again, this one also has a strong cast of characters, helped by rich world building and the premise forcing the characters to come from many different cultures (though, again, I can't vouch for the handling of race because it's been too long).

The first series is complete by itself, though it has two sequel series as well, each focusing on the next generation in these families. Because yes, of course they all pair up and have kids. Like I said: very straight.

A whole lot of books by Jean-Louis Fetjaine

OFetjaine is a historian, and I guess he's really interested in Arthurian mythos especially, because he loves it so much he's written two separate high fantasy retellings of them! I'm not criticizing, mind you, we all need a hobby.

The former, the Elves trilogy (pictures above) is very traditional high fantasy. Elves, dwarves, orcs, a world which is definitely fictionalized with a pan-Celtic vibe to it. The holy grail and excalibur are around, but they're relics possessed by the elves and dwarves with very different powers than usual. Et cetera.

Fetjaine also really loves his elves (as the titles might imply), and while they're not exactly Tolkien elves, there's a similar vibe to them. If you like Tolkien and his elf boner, you'll probably like this too. And conversely, if that turns you off, these books probably also won't work for you.

This series also has a prequel trilogy, centered around the backstory of one of the main characters. I...honestly don't remember too much about it, but I liked it, so, there you go, I guess.

I said Fetjaine did it twice. The other series is the Merlin duology, which, as the title implies, is a retelling of Merlin's story. Note that Merlin is also in the other trilogy, but it's a different Merlin; like I said, completely different continuities and stories.

This one is historical fantasy, so it's set in actual Great Britain, and Fetjaine attempts to connect Arthur to a "real" historical figure...but, you know, Merlin is also half-elf and elves totally exist in Brocéliande, so, you know. History.

Okay, that's probably enough fantasy, let me give some classics too.

L'Arbre des possibles et autres histoires - Bernard Werber

Bernard Werber is a pretty seminal author of French sci-fi and I should probably be embarrassed that the only book of his that I read was for school, but, it is a really good one, so I'll include it anyway.

It's a novella collection, and when I say "sci-fi" I want to make it clear that it's very old school science fiction. It's more Frankenstein or Black Mirror than Star Trek, what we in French call the anticipation genre of science fiction: you take one piece of technology or cultural norm and project it into the future.

It has a pretty wide range of topics and tones, so it's bound to have some better than others. My personal faves were Du pain et des jeux, where football (non-American) has evolved into basically a wargame, and Tel maître, tel lion, where any animal is considered acceptable as a pet, no matter how absurd it is to keep as a pet. They're both on a comedic end, but there's more heartfelt stuff too.

L'Ecume des Jours - Boris Vian

(no cover because I can't find the one I have, and the ones I find are ugly)

This book is surrealist. Like, literally a part of the surrealist movement. It features things such as a lilypad growing inside a woman's lungs (and, as you well know, lilypads double in size every day, wink wink), the protagonist's apartment becoming larger and smaller to go with his mood and current financial situation, and more that I can't even recall at the moment because remembering this book is like trying to remember having an aneurysm.

It is also really, really fun and touching. Oh, and it has a pretty solid movie adaptation, starring Audrey Tautou, who I think an international audience would probably recognize from Amelie or the Da Vinci Code movie.

I don't really know what else to say. It's a really cool read!

Le Roi se meurt - Eugène Ionesco

Ionesco is somewhat famous worldwide so I wasn't even sure to include him here. He's a playwright who wrote in the "Theater of the Absurd" movement, and this play is part of that.

The premise of this play is that the King (of an unnamed land) is dying, and the land is dying with him. I don't really know what else to say. It's theater of the absurd. It kind of has to be experienced (the published version works fine, btw, no need to track down an actual performance, in my humble opinion).

The Plague - Albert Camus

You've probably heard of this one, and if you haven't, let me tell you about a guy called Carlos Maza

youtube

I'm honestly more including this book out of a sense of duty. The other three are books I genuinely liked and happen to be classics. This book was an awful read. But, um. It's kind of relevant now in a way it wasn't (or didn't feel, anyway) back in 2008 or 2009, when I read it. And I don't just mean because of our own plague, since Camus's plague is pretty famously an allegory for fascism, which my teenage self sneered at, and my adult self really regrets every feeling that way.

Okay, finally, some more lighthearted stuff, we gotta talk about the Belgian and French art of bande dessinée. How is it different from comic books or manga? Functionally, it isn't. It really comes down more to what gets published in the Belgian-French industry compared to the American comics industry, which is dominated by superheroes, or the Japanese manga industry, which, while I'm less familiar with it, I know has some big genre trends as well that are completely separate.

The Lanfeust series - Arleston and Tarquin

This is a YA mega-series, and I can't recommend all of it because I've lost track of the franchise's growth. Also note that I say "YA", but in this case it means something very different from an American understanding of YA. These books are pretty full of sex.

No, when I say YA I mean it has that level of maturity, for better or worse. The original series (Lanfeust de Troy) is high fantasy in a world where everyone has an individual magical ability but two characters find out they're gifted with an absolute power to make anything happen, and while it gets dark at times, it's still very lighthearted throughout, and the humor is...well, I think it's best described as teen boy humor. And it has a tendency to objectify its female characters, as you'll quickly parse out from the one cover I used here or if you browse more covers.

But still, it holds a special place in my heart, I guess. And on my shelves.

The sequel series, Lanfeust des Etoiles, turns it into a space opera, and goes a little overboard with the pop culture reference at times, though overall still maintains that balance of serious/at times dark story and lighthearted comedy.

After that the franchise is utter chaos to me, and I've lost track. I know there was another sequel series, which I dropped partway through, and a spinoff that retold part of the original series from the PoV of the main love interest (in the period of time she spent away from the main group). There was a comedy spin-off about the troll species unique to this world, a prequel series, probably more I don't even know exist.

Les Démons d'Alexia

Something I can probably be a little less ashamed of including here.

Some backstory here. The Editions Dupuis are a giant of the Belgian bande dessinée industry, and for many, many years I was subscribed to their weekly magazine. That magazine was (mostly) made up of excerpts from the various books that the éditions were publishing at the time; those that were made of comic strips would usually get a couple pages of individual scripts, while the ongoing narratives got cut into episodes that were a few pages long (out of a typical 48 page count for a single BD album). Among those were this series.

For the first few volumes, I wasn't super into this series, probably because I was a little too young and smack dab in the middle of my "trying to be one of the boys" phase. But around book 3 I got really invested, to the point where I own the second half of the series because I had canceled by subscription by then but still wanted to know more.

Alexia is an exorcist with unusual talents, but little control, who's introduced to a group that specializes in researching paranormal phenomena, solving cases that involve the paranormal, that kinda stuff.

As a result of the premise, the series has a pretty slow start since it has to build up mystery around the source of Alexia's powers, but once it gets going and we get to what is essentially the series' main conflict, it gets really interesting.

Plus, witches. I'm a simple gay who likes strong protagonists and witches.

Murena

There was a point where my mtyhology nerdery led me to look for more stuff about the historical cultures that created them, and so I'd be super into stuff set in ancient Rome (I'd say "or Greece or Egypt" but let's face it, it was almost always Rome).

Murena is a series set just before the start of Emperor Nero's rule. You know, the one who was emperor when Rome burned, and according to urban legend either caused the fire or played the fiddle while it did (note: "fiddle" is a very English saying, it's usually the lyre in other languages). He probably didn't, it probably was propaganda, but he was a) a Roman Emperor, none of whom were particularly stellar guys and b) mean to Christians, who eventually got to rewrite history. So he's got a bad rep.

The series goes for a very historical take on events, albeit fictionalized (the protagonist and main PoV, the titular Lucius Murena, is himself fictional) and attempts to humanize the people involved in those events. Each book also includes some of the sources used to justify how events and characters are depicted, which is a nice touch.

It's also divided in subseries called "cycles" (books 1-4, 5-8 and the ongoing one starts at 9). I stopped after 9, though I think it's mostly a case of not going to bookstores often anymore. Plus it took four years between 9 and 10, and again between 10 and 11. But the first eight books made for a pretty solid story that honestly felt somewhat concluded as is, so it's a good place to start.

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mahixa · 4 years ago

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why you all should read Momentum - an epic story of Remus and Sirius

Written by amazing, wonderful and talented Children of the Shadows, the story is “an epic tale of Remus and Sirius's lives, starting from the very beginning. A love that carries on through trials, tribulations, and war.”

The author portrays all of the characters (including James, Peter, Lily and others) with such incredible depth that the actual writer of HP (what’s her name... don’t remember, don’t care lol) should learn how to write characters from this fanfiction. I know there’s some of you who were not in the fandom in 2006, and maybe some of you prefer to read fics from like, 2010s, and that’s okay! Although the story was not published on ao3 (so on the page that everyone is familiar with right now, all the young and old fans) and it was finished almost 13 years ago, please don’t feel discouraged and give it a try. It’s worth it. I promise.

So here are some of my favourite things about Momentum:

everyone has personality which is complex and complicated and there’s a lot going on here. Any personal struggles, doubts, heartbreaks, hope? - it’s all there, and it’s written like.... *chef’s kiss*

the. connection. between. Remus. and. his. family. It’s so so so important to show his relation with his family members, especially with his parents, because it just adds depth to his character, so he doesn’t seem like a guy who’s only purpose is to be Sirius’s boyfriend. He has other relations, and they are explored in this fic (his friendship with Lily and James is powerful in this one).

James. James Potter. The way he is written here? Magic. Trust me. Like... trust me. You’re not gonna regret it. James is the real MVP.

characters act in a way that is logical and in character for them, and they are not like... cheesy or sappy or two-dimensional whatever reason. They have flaws and act like a human being could act. They make mistakes and have doubts and ask questions and can be problematic. But they learn. The GROWTH in this fic is so wonderful

gay issues and difficulties written accordingly to the period of time (70s). The author pays tribute to how brave the gay people were back then and shows us different aspects of being gay at that time (self-doubt, family issues, that fear of how everyone is going to react, violence, slurs, gay clubs, this impossibility to touch in public. Unfortunately, fucking unfrotunately, in so many cases it still remains to be a huge problem for many of us, but what I’m saying is that it’s important to acknowledge how it used to be as well. I’m not saying these problems are gone now, of course). Sometimes fic writers tend to forget about it and all these aspects and just write these two as being openly and loudly gay - and as much as I would LOVE for all of us, all the amazing LGBTQA+ people to always be able to be ourselves as loudly and openly as we would like to be, it was (and still is in many cases, fuck it, I hate it) not entirely possible.

the humour. This story can be really funny and there were times when I had literal tears in my eyes from laughing so hard when I read it for the first time

James and Lily being the power couple

Sirius and James being brothers BUT them being Remus’s best friends as well

the angst. the angst is really painful. but the fluff. it’s worth it, for the fluff that comes after the pain.

so beautifully written. All the descriptions, all the words, ah, it’s just... it is so easy to read and get lost in it. The dialogues are very realistic (which is, again, another problem that may appear in some fics) and are written in character for these people

the order of the phoenix stuff with the Weasleys and other characters THIS IS GREAT them all being young and brave

Sirius saying bye bitch to his racist family but this not being easy for him, which again - any normal human being would find that hard

Remus and Sirius being in love. But oh boy. This love right here? It’s a totally new definition of loving somebody.

REMUS. AND. SIRIUS. RAISING. HARRY.

here are some of my favourite quotes so you could see what I mean with all of this:

Whoever said Sirius Black and James Potter were the most charismatic and attractive third years in Hogwarts were either insanely blind or were yet to meet Remus Lupin. At least in Sirius's opinion.

***

After all, he [Remus] was anything but normal. There was no way of putting it subtly, the world hated people like him, and he knew for a fact that he was not going to receive any sort of affection from them. So, he craved their love and when his parents got their sudden attacks of overwhelming affection, he clung on to them and returned their embraces and small declarations of love. [...] John Lupin stared into those soft amber eyes, and he let his hand slide, caressing his son's face through the thin glass. 'Love you,' he mouthed before moving away, and Remus nodded.

***

[After Sirius’s prank had gone wrong and Remus ended up in the infirmary]:

'Don't you think the flowers and chocolates are a bit too much, Sirius?' asked James as they walked towards the infirmary.

Sirius finger combed his hair. It was getting a bit too long and he'd sort of grown to like it that way. 'It's called courtesy, James, but I wouldn't expect you to know anything about it.'

'Really? I thought you gave people flowers and chocolates on Valentines Day,' teased James, winking mischievously at Sirius.

***

'Don't be ridiculous, Sirius,' his mother snapped, looking up at him with cold hard eyes. 'Gryffindor is laden with all kinds of lowly people – half bloods, and mudbloods, and what not. I hope you aren't fraternising with any of them.'

Sirius put down his fork and looked his mother directly in the eye. 'I am; three of them in fact.'

***

Sirius caught Remus's hand just as it was about to move away and kissed the heel of his palm softly. 'How were the full moons?' he asked, his lips brushing over Remus's wrist with every word he spoke.

***

[Remus, on the phone with Sirius]

'I'm in muggle jail!' Sirius exclaimed happily and there was an ominous silence that followed.

It was broken by the strangled sounds of Remus asphyxiating. 'WHAT?'

'I know, isn't it fantastic?' Sirius asked, obviously misreading the tone of Remus's voice as excitement. It didn't help that James had fallen to the floor in hysterics and was screaming 'brilliant!' between uncontrollable laughter.

***

[The kiss] It was heat. Heat like they'd never experienced before and an overbearing pressure pushing against them, drawing their bodies closer and closer together. They were drowning in each other, suffocating, completely out of control.

#wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #remus lupin x sirius black #sirius black x remus lupin #sirius black/remus lupin #remus lupin/sirius black #gay #fic #james potter and remus lupin #lily evans #lily potter #marauders #the marauders era #the marauders #harry potter

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cyanoscarlet · 4 years ago

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2020 writing review

Thanks for the tag, @gladiowrites! (I know it’s not a tag, but this is fun to do lol)

I.. honestly wrote a lot this 2020. No kidding. Quarantine productivity was real, but so is residency languishing by the wayside while everyone was busy surviving and adjusting. I highly doubt 2021 will be the same, but I’ll always cherish 2020 just because of the writing and nothing else.

This is gonna be long.

FIRST CREATION + MOST RECENT CREATION OF 2020

8:15 am - Final Fantasy XV. Lunafreya. February 2020. - First piece ever written for the year. - Intended to be a Luna-centric AU, in which the Nox Fleurets were deposed and she’s now a regular teacher. Never managed to write anything beyond that, though, because residency. (Back then, I didn’t know it was gonna be the beginning of the end, so I had hopes. Oh well.)

irresistible!, or the summer ramblings of nene yashiro and everything that followed - Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun. Nene, Hanako. March 2020. - First one published on AO3 for 2020 (yes, there’s a distinction). - If you think the title sounds familiar, you’re right.

versus

first yuletide - Final Fantasy XV. Nyx. December 2020. - Written for the FFXV Secret Santa event on Twitter. - Before y’all object and say what unwinding is, that’s an old fic uploaded late.

ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE CREATIONS FROM 2020

Do I seriously have to choose? Omg.

take heart - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Gods/Humans AU. - Discovered so much about myself writing this. Also (hopefully) I managed to get into Dazai’s headspace correctly. He’s an extremely difficult character to write, so finishing this brought so much gratification.

you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons - Final Fantasy VIII. Laguna, Squall. Post-canon. - Probably my most heartfelt work of the year- scratch that, ever. Also happy with how I just let myself go writing this and didn’t need to think twice.

A CREATION YOU’RE REALLY PROUD OF

oneiric moments (or, five nights with you) - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. - Written for the SKK Fic Exchange for Summer 2020. - Five interconnected fics. 18,985 words. - Might not be a big deal for others, but this was taxing because I don’t usually write long, multichaptered stuff. I got carried away, though. It ain’t as well-polished as my more recent stuff, but I’m proud of myself for pulling this off.

A NEW STYLE YOU TRIED THIS YEAR & A FIC THAT USES IT

I... don’t think I have tried anything of the sort. My repertoire is sorely limited compared to others, I’m afraid. I’d probably have an answer for “explored new themes,” but again, I’ve a limited arsenal, too, in that regard.

A CREATION THAT TOOK YOU FOREVER

all in a day’s work - Bungou Stray Dogs. Atsushi, Akutagawa. Cells at Work AU. - It’s still being written, with a lot of side stories planned but never drafted. - I fell out of love with BSD, recovered from that, then got busy with residency.

YOUR CREATION FROM 2020 THAT RECEIVED THE MOST NOTES KUDOS

Also take heart. While I am proud of it, I guess it hit the right spot for mainstream shippers, too, somewhat? My feelings about mainstream things have changed a lot because of things, but I am still happy.

A CREATION YOU THINK DESERVED MORE NOTES KUDOS

amīcitia - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Final Fantasy XV AU. - Petty indignancy for my self-indulgent baby aside, I’m also proud of how I wrote Dazai in this one, similar to take heart. the fun they had - Bungou Stray Dogs. Kajii, Port Mafia Ensemble. - ... Guys. Please notice genfics.

A NEW FANDOM YOU JOINED AND A CREATION YOU MADE FOR IT

Everything I wrote for Bungou Stray Dogs. (I kid you not.)

If you want a single answer anyway:

on the flaming mountains - act-age. Chiyoko, Kei. Princess Iron Fan Arc. - arc words: “what shall i do with this ire?” - I wouldn’t really say I “left” the fandom, more like it fizzled out after Matsuki-sensei got arrested.

A CREATION YOU MADE THAT BREAKS YOUR HEART

a cycle of; - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Medico-legal AU. - Written out of much anger and frustration over things. Also because this in itself was frustrating to write.

Also you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. Because no matter how much I hate my family at so many points in my life, I know I can’t truly hate them from the bottom of my heart. This fic is a reminder of that.

A SIMPLE CREATION THAT YOU REALLY LOVE

express delivery for love - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Real World Quarantine AU. - It’s funny. It’s orthodox. It’s sweet. I don’t think it can get any better than that.

A CREATION THAT WAS INSPIRED BY ANOTHER ONE

rather be - Bungou Stray Dogs. Yosano. Pre-canon. - Inspired by yesterday is another world by @wctercress - The whole of primum non nocere, actually, but specifically this one, and the rest followed. - This is also my first BSD fic. Ever.

A FAVORITE CREATION CREATED BY SOMEONE ELSE

... You sure? There’s a lot, and this is just on the surface. (unleashes the proverbial waterfall)

The aforementioned yesterday is another world by @wctercress

silencer and snow white days by EKmisao - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Dead Apple canon-divergent. - The aftermath of Dead Apple, in which one of two goes wrong. - They’re unrelated, I know. But they’re both sisters! Just trust me on this. - The proper entry for this would be silencer, but I can’t very well mention one without the other, so have both anyway. I read both only this year, after all. Waiting for Godot by @eternal-aegis - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Fyodor, Chuuya. Canon-divergent. - Amazing theme, amazing philosophy, amazing writing. It makes you think. It makes you analyze and explore. This writer definitely knows her stuff, and it shows. Catharsis by @gladiowrites - Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Gen. Caraway. Post-canon. - The denouement to the Caraway family drama we all deserve. I love how Rinoa is presented in this fic. She’s a normal person who makes mistakes and learns her lessons. So is Fury. Burned bridges don’t always have to stay down, and this fic illustrates that wonderfully.

Culmination by @gladiowrites - Final Fantasy VIII. Squall, Rinoa. Post-canon. - We can’t all have happy endings. This fic also illustrates that very well. While I, a Squinoa fan, personally ascribe to the happy ending Squall and Rinoa must have had after the events of FF8, this fic is so compelling and grounded and reflective and I totally buy this.

Here Without You by @muselover1901 - Akagami no Shirayuki-hime. Zen/Shirayuki. Real world quarantine AU. - One of the sweetest stories I’ve ever read this year. I can definitely relate to a lot of things in this fic. I’ve been rereading all of Muse’s ANS stuff whenever I feel down, and they all hit the spot.

Savor The Moment by @joeys-piano - Bungou Stray Dogs. Oda. Pre-canon. - Yes, yes, YES. One of the best stories I’ve ever read this year, ever. (And I mean stories, not fanfics.) Great character study about a man named Oda and a day in his life and a page (or three) out of his book of relationships. The love poured into this is simply overflowing and precious. I’ve been following Joey since this fic was being written, and I’m so proud of him.

False Equivalences by @slowquotesquill - Dai Gyakuten Saiban. Asougi, Ryuunosuke. Fullmetal Alchemist AU. - This fic also! Oh, My Heart. The cynicism of a state alchemist and the optimism of a foreign doctor. It perfectly hits the spot for everything FMA, and we all know that SQQ’s Asouryuu fics are always to die for. It’s the ultimate combo.

The whole Promptober Leo/Will/Despair series by @eternal-aegis - Kekkai Sensen. Various themes, many of which are dark/mature. - I’ve said this with Waiting for Godot, and I’ll say it again: Aegis knows her stuff. This is her exploring further in that direction, and you can feel the improvement with every fic in the series. I really love how adventurous these stories are, and how much depth you can go with every one. Her characterization is layered and exquisite, and the underlying lore is well-thought-out. - tl;dr: B3 Goddess.

Predestined by Galkimasera - Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Squall. Reverse/Fateswap AU. - A very well-written reverse AU! The circumstances of Squall and Rinoa in this ‘verse fit so well and are so well thought out. I love this AU so much, you don’t even know. It also fills my nostalgic shipper’s heart with much joy at seeing quality content in this Year of our Lord 2020.

For auld lang syne, my dear by @by-nina - Fullmetal Alchemist. Roy, Riza. Canon-compliant + post-canon. - Holiday feels, snapshots through time, and all over showing Roy and Riza’s budding relationship over the years. And it does remind me of a lot of the SKK fics I’ve written (thematic-wise). This was such a treat to read and to follow. All her FMA fics are. She does Royai so much justice. Am not yet finished reading smoke without fire, but I’ll get to that, too!

SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE CONTENT CREATORS FROM THIS YEAR

Everyone in the answer above. There’s honestly a whole boatload of more, but this is getting too long already lololol

(might edit this when I feel like it, tho!)

#cyanospeaks #dani has been tagged #2020 in review

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cha-melodius · 4 years ago

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2020 Creator’s Self-Love Extravaganza

Boy howdy, but it has been a year. So much so that I felt the need to dig up this meme so I can lavish myself with a little TLC, ‘cause you know what? I deserve it! And so do you. This year has been tough, and even in the best of times it can be a real struggle to remember that, instead of being your own worst enemy, you should strive to be your best cheerleader. Remember to be kind instead of cruel, to forgive rather than condemn yourself. Creativity is hard, and it is always a journey, never a final destination, so let’s take a moment and sight-see where we’ve been this year, yeah???

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2020. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love! <3

~~~~

I was tagged by @beautiful-thensad-thensadder and @flipredmonkey for this and agree it’s nigh impossible to choose only five (so I chose six), but here we go. I decided to go with the fics I think that really pushed me forward as a writer this year or meant a lot to me. In no particular order!

1. Do You Promise Not to Tell? (The Mandalorian, Din/Cara)

It’s kind of hard to believe that I started this fic in January of this year. I honestly had no idea where this was going when I started it, only that I was swept up in the CaraDin love and wanted to write some adventures for them. I was never much of a Star Wars fan before this (I know! Heresy!) but I learned way more than I ever thought I would writing this fic. Despite the lack of planning I feel like this ended up with a really consistent story, and way more epic than I ever intended at the beginning.

2. Good To Be Alive (The Mandalorian, Din/Cara)

I name-checked this one as a fave in a different meme recently. The unwilling-helmet-removal fic I never thought I’d write, and actually actively resisted writing for a while (I really didn’t think I wanted to explore that concept, but what do I know). It ended up tackling love and friendship and what it means to be a Mandalorian, and I’m very happy with how it turned out. And it certainly takes on a new feel with the current season.

3. Live A Lie (The Mandalorian, Din/Cara)

This fic, along with Hyperspace, were experiments in minimalism inspired by @beautiful-thensad-thensadder, and honestly I still love them. They are poetic in a way I would not have guessed I had in me, to be perfectly honest. This particular fic is about Din wrestling with his creed, actually, and though it features a different Mandalorian at the end and slightly different motivations, it’s actually kind of amazing to me how it mirrors some of this season.

4. Light Will Keep Your Heart Beating in the Future (TMFU, Illya/Napoleon)

Will I ever stop talking about this fic? Probably not. I love it so so much. I’ve always had a deep and abiding love for media that plays with timelines, nonlinear narratives, and the definition of what is “real”, so I’m surprised it took me this long to write a fic that does all of that. Plus, how many times do you get a chance to write a running gag about defenestrations??

5. The Definition of Madness (TMFU, Illya/Napoleon)

TIME LOOP. Did I mention I loved playing with time? Because I do. This was just a blast to write, and a challenge because I tried to do a daily update to correspond to Whumptober prompts (ok, so I kind of failed at that in the end, but I TRIED). That also meant that I planned the fic to fit into those prompts in that order, which was another challenge, and somehow, despite all of these challenges, this turned out better than I could have ever hoped.

6. Amor Magnus Doctor Est (TMFU, Illya/Napoleon)

I could not leave this one out. This academia AU was a labor of love for me, and a kind of catharsis at a particularly stressful time of my life. It was my first "real” AU—which, by the way, I always thought I wasn’t a fan of, shows me—and also the first long-form fic that I completely planned out ahead of time. I so loved the journey of writing this and sharing it, and I’m so happy with the finished product. If you were ever curious about what life is like for professors, well, this is it (with, you know, added romantic ~drama~ lol).

~~~~

I’m tagging @heytheredeann, @therogueheart, @shewolf-2013, @iamskyereads, @imaginedragonsfly, and anyone else who wants to play!

#tag game #writing #fanfic #caradin #napollya #that's all I write anymore apparently #the mandalorian #tmfu

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dreammthief · 5 years ago

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dig a little deeper

tagged by @gcralts and @quaffled thank u both ily 💕

1. do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? black

2. would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? oh 100% city

3. if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? I always wanted to learn how to tumble/gymnastics so that would be cool but my eighty-year-old knees could never

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? tea never, coffee always

5. what was your favorite book as a child? I always loved series so i primarily went from magic treehouse to percy jackson and harry potter

6. do you prefer baths or showers? showers regularly, but baths for relaxing with wine and a book

7. if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? sksksksk if not a dragon, then definitely a faerie

8. paper or electronic books? paper or not at all

9. what is your favorite item of clothing? my two, very oversized crewneck sweaters they’re ariana grande merch shut up I know

10. do you like your name? would you like to change it? i like it enough not to change it, but sometimes I wonder if I would have preferred my “almost name”, victoria

11. who is a mentor to you? my mom??? I mean I literally cannot make a decision without calling her so

12. would you like to be famous? if so, what for? it’s my dream to publish a book one day and of course i’d want it to do well, so, yes, i’d like to be famous for that (copying this verbatim from wik because we’re the same person but what else is new)

13. are you a restless sleeper? oh god no I don’t move at all but it does take me fuckn forever to actually fall asleep

14. do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? i am... so soft, yes

15. which element best represents you? fireeee

16. who do you want to be closer to? this is probably not what this question is asking for but i wish my good friends on here lived closer to me (or at least on the same continent) so i could see them irl (im copying again its too good also ily)

17. do you miss someone at the moment? literally everyone back home that I moved away from, especially my mom :(

18. tell us about an early childhood memory. i don’t know how I remember this but my mom has assured me its real, but when I was eighteen months old (I swore in the memory I was like seven hahahha nope) I thought I saw my nana so I waved at her and got my arm caught in the train door of the london underground and had to be rushed to the ER and my parents missed our flight back to the states ooooops also my nana was 1000% not there at all

19. what is the strangest thing you have eaten? probably some various form of bug on a dare from my brothers whenever we went camping

20. what are you most thankful for? my friends, family, and my resilience? like I keep finding myself leaning back into depression and constantly fight to stay out of that dark place

21. do you like spicy food? yessssss

22. have you ever met someone famous? uhhhh no? no one comes to mind

23. do you keep a diary or journal? no but I really, really should

24. do you prefer to use pen or pencil? pen, unless its math math then pencil

25. what is your star sign? libra

26. do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? if my jaw doesn’t ache after eating it I don’t want it

27. what would you want your legacy to be? i want to save lives and leave people better, more hopeful, and happier than when I found them

28. do you like reading? what was the last book you read? god yes, and red white and royal blue which wrecked me

29. how do you show someone you love them? i like to spend time with them and I like to know them, as well as let them know me

30. do you like ice in your drinks? its nice but not a necessity

31. what are you afraid of? losing a loved one, forever being alone alone, and not being good enough

32. what is your favorite scent? sawdust, sandalwood, pine, and literally anything “manly”

33. do you address older people by their name or surname? mostly first name I think?? I can’t think of an instance where I wasn’t familiar enough with them not to use it

34. if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? bitch I would travel the earth until I died

35. do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? por que no los dos??

36. what would you do if you found $50 in the ground? i mean if I didn’t see anyone drop it or anything, then I would probably keep it and pay it forward somewhere

37. have you ever seen a shooting star? did you make a wish? yes and no

38. what is one thing you would want to teach your children? *nieces/nephews, and to be independent, clever and funny lol

39. if you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I have several, but the next one I want is inspired by a drawing called self love by frederic forest and on the back of my elbow if that makes sense

40. what can you hear now? a storm, rain pelting on the window

41. where do you feel the safest? surrounded by my friends and family, doesn’t matter where

42. what is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? being more open about my past trauma

43. if you could travel back to any era, what would it be? god, it would be horrible as far as how far we’ve come in so many aspects of life, but I’ve always been interested to know how it would be to live in the 15th/16th century

44. what is your most used emoji? 😂 + 😭 + 🥺

45. describe yourself using one word. resilient

46. what do you regret the most? trusting certain people

47. last movie you saw? the half of It

48. last tv show you watched? sex education

49. invent a word and its meaning veration - (noun) extreme happiness for fictional characters or ships that causes a real, physical response; ex: kate’s veration over pynch deepened when she realized they were canon.

tagging: some new mutuals @ughdraco @chlamets @fleurdlacour @avilareyna @henriettia @eorwyn @ivashkov + anyone else who wants to (also feel free to ignore this)

#love u guys again #wik tag #libby tag #mutuals #abt

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ziracona · 5 years ago

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What has been your favorite ilm chapter to write? Your least favorite? Do you have any interesting fun facts that were in cut pieces? I love this fic and the research put in is astounding. You put so much love into this. I'm glad to have been a reader :)

Thank you so much for asking this, and I’m really happy you have liked it! : ) Researching all kinds of wild stuff has been one of the most fun parts. (I’m holding the start of the answer to each question you asked, bc I talked about the first one for a while lol).

I do have a favourite chapter! I think to read, it would be a lot harder question, and there’d be a bunch of chapters tied, but as an author, my favourite chapter is most definitely Speak for the Dead. I have a lot of favourite moments and chapters, but that’s the one I’m most proud of. There’s a really rare thing in writing I call “script perfection,” which is not like, a perfect script in comparison to other scripts, it just means the version of the script that got shot/published was the best version of that particular script there ever could have been. It’s incredibly rare, and very hard to do. Even with films and shows I love, usually there will be seconds, sometimes minutes, off and on, that are the best version of those seconds there could have ever been. And the rest of it is great! It’s maybe the second or third or eighth-best it could have been, and that’s still super impressive--like man--eigth-best is still so close to 1st, eigth best is freaking phenomenal. It’s something to be really proud of. But that’s as high as it almost ever gets. For anything. Only extremely rarely is an entire script at 96% or above on script perfection. (I would say for reference that Galaxy Quest and The Incredibles are two such films).

It isn’t the most important part of a script or a story at all. Not by a huge amount. The quality of the story itself is. I have plenty of films that never hit 90% or above script perfection that I still prefer over films that did (like, Galaxy Quest is an amazing film, and I’m in awe that it hit that level of refinement, but I still like The Two Towers, which definitely did not, better. Because Sam’s speech at the end of it is enough to power me for a whole year). But it’s still such a rare thing. And god, it’s hard. Any kind of media is done on some kind of budget (be it financial or energy or both), and time constraint, and also it’s just not easy to do. Again, true-final-draft achievement (which is probably a better name for this bc it’s less confusing) is far from the most important or valuable aspect of a film, or play, or book, and it’s not necessary to make a story amazing. But it’s still always /so/ cool to see. It’s cool to see a nine minute continuous stretch of it even, on screen. And out of all the chapters I’ve written, the only one I think hit true-final-draft at least 96% or above, was Speak for the Dead. And that’s not embarrassing or anything. It’s wild. And I’m super proud of that. I’m proud I got even one. Because a lot of even my favourite books don’t. They just have perfected scenes, and a lot of them, but are not the best draft they could have been. Which does absolutely nothing to negate their worth as phenomenal books, but. I’m really, really proud of Speak for the Dead, and very happy with myself for having been able to do that at least once. I kind of treasure that.

It’s also a special chapter to me, because I had it only very loosely outlined/planned for at all, and it kind of came together on its own, and everything just came together and fell into place just right, and this chapter I had been really unsure of before starting turned into my favourite one in the entire fic. I like what I write, and I enjoy reading it myself, but there’s a line in Speak for the Dead where Tapp is trying to explain everything to Meg, about himself and his past and his family, and he’s been going through this like, awful mass of confusion and trauma and guilt and regret that’s all come to a head in this one day, and he’s found out who Amanda is and can’t deal with that and the person he knew, and the way Sing died, the choices she went on to make, and there’s so much even he doesn’t understand about how the world is falling apart around him, but somehow he figures it out enough to say it to Meg. And he has a line: “You’re supposed to stay late and work the extra eight hours overnight to catch the killer so somebody doesn’t die; you’re not supposed to go home to your family and give your kid a hug. It’s not as important, in an equation. It was my responsibility. And I didn’t get that the other job had its own set of rules. That the cop’s supposed to let the bus with his partner fall, but the dad’s supposed to let the fifteen people go and save his kid—he’s supposed to go running through crowded subway tunnels chased by gunmen, consequences be damned, to get them away from where his kid’s hiding. I didn’t get it. I don’t know why. I loved him right, but I didn’t act like it, because I thought I was doing the right thing. But if everybody’s just numbers, you lose anything that matters, no matter how high the numbers go up. And you don’t realize until it’s way too late that you do just as much good really helping one person you signed on to protect as you could have ever done bouncing off the lives of a hundred people who go on to be the next Jigsaw.”

And like. I fucking love that line. God. It’s such a hard thing to articulate, what he’s going through in that moment, and I try, but I think I often don’t do as good a job. But every time I read that last line it’s like a gut punch. And I really love it. How the fuck could you possibly feel after going through the experience he’s just had? It’s such a specific, indescribable kind of big, whole-world-view devestating.

There’s also a lot of really sweet moments with Meg, and Adam drugged and injured but trying really hard to help, and it’s a super understated chapter in a lot of the moments? Tapp’s one of my favourites to write, because of the way he thinks. He tries so hard to be lawful good in a world where there’s just no law at all anymore. And he’s older by far than anyone else, and thinks about the world that way. Honestly, it’s one of the most serious chapters. It’s less graphic than say Proven or The End of the Line, but it deals with some very not remotely fantastic and not pretty themes. It’s heavy. But I like the way it tells itself. I enjoy working in references when they make things fun, or better, or more meaningful, and I got to do that a lot. Plus, it gave Ace and Tapp a bunch of one-on-one time they didn’t really get on-screen as much in any of the rest of the fic, but I really loved it. The way they try to look after the people they care for, and how they understand each other. I just really fucking loved that chapter. Also, Tapp beat someone to death with a reverse bear trap that was still attached to his head so he could save Meg from dying in a way that would be super lastingly traumatic, and if that’s not the most metal thing I’ve ever heard? I really love Tapp. And I love that he sticks to the things he does. Meg never learns what Amanda was going to do to her, not in fic, not after. And Tapp does change how he does things are talking to Meg at the end of that chapter. Tapp’s the one who immediately says they can’t go public with any information on Rin until she’s passed on, even though it could really help them prove their case and hypothetically better protect the world, because he’s not willing to see a kid forced to revert to being violent and feral against her will in self-defense, or locked up in a government black site to get that. He did good. Life has not been kind to this poor man, but thankfully, Meg Thomas has.

Least favourite? Way harder. Hmmm. Always whichever one I wrote most recently 😂

In complete seriousness, I don’t think I have one? I have like 6 I consider “slightly-less-interesting” than the rest, but I don’t have one I hate period, or just dislike a lot. Uhhhh. If I had to pick one right now, I’d say Core Essentials, because I haven’t read it in over a year and don’t remember it as well as many others, and of the small number of chapters in the “Damn, been a hot minute, huh?” group, it’s the one I remember the least. This rating may change next time I actually read it, lol.

Hmmm. Interesting fun facts in cut segments. In the original draft for Shrouded, Claudette went into Philip’s basement and got a really good look at the other side of the wall, through one of the cracks, and saw the Entity and almost gave herself a panic attack. The other side of the basement wall was described as looking like the sun, like just looking at light, but only at first, and then there was movement like a snake coiling or some huge creatuer deep underwater sliding across your vision, too big to see, but alive in there in the middle of the light, and moving around, and it horrified her. It was extremely creepy but pretty cool.

The original draft for The Wraith included Philip experiencing fragmented audio memories from Signifying Nothing/his time with Vigo & co. while he was mostly unconscious. It was really cool and I forgot because I haven’t read it in forever, but it hinted at /way/ more of the plot to those past events. I really liked the draft, but ended up changing it into what was published because I’d never done anything with his memories before, and I didn’t want to disorient the reader too much (probably a good call, but it was still a neat scene in the OG form).

It’s not in the fic, but canonically, after leaving the survivors camp at the end of The Wraith, Philip came up with his plan to leave himself a message in the bell, and then called the Entity. Trying to talk his way out immediately failed, and it was shitty to him and pissed him off, and Philip had considered what might work on something like the Entity before calling it, and knew he was dead either way, so he tried to fight it. More to see if it would work than anything. He knew he would forget it even if he did, but sometimes impulses lingered, and it was possible if it worked, it would help him think of it again. He used his blood and drew a protective symbol against demons on his palm without it noticing, then rushed it, and it wasn’t scared of him so it didn’t give a fuck, but he smacked it with the charm and that actually succeeded in burning its talon (very little, but enough to cause it actual pain) and it flipped out and got extremely angry, and immediately stabbed him through the skull, which is why he returned with that chunk of his mask gone and has a scar on his forehead now. Originally, I was considering writing some of the events between The Wraith and Dawn from Philip’s POV, but decided it was much better sticking with the survivors and their uncertainty completely. Got to live in the anxiety baybeeee.

I’m sure there’s more but you activated my trap card asking about Speak for the Dead - a special interest- and I already made this long, so I should stop for now. Thank you again so much for asking! I hope my answers made sense are we’re at least kinda enjoyable to read. 💙💙💙

#ask #anonymous #in living memory #in living memory (fic)#writing #ilm spoilers #this was so fun and im glad i had an excuse to go writing meta haha. the one part of college i miss :’-)#thanks! 💙 it was really sweet. and fun to answer!#long post

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writings-from-the-hart · 5 years ago

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Writebr Intro

Writeblr Intro Time!

Hiya! This is so overdue and I apologize for that lol. I’ve been meaning to write this but school seems to always be getting in the way of just that. Writing. But here I am finally writing this! And yes my username is a pun of my own last name but I just couldn’t resist.

So basically, I really want to surround myself with other writers and have stumbled across tons of writeblr’s (I think that’s what they’re called lol). Instantly I was in love and wanted more of what the community had to offer. I’ve been a self-proclaimed “author” or writer since my early years of grade school. I was that child in the back of the class with ADHD that couldn’t sit still (the cliche bouncing leg and always chewed down nails) and had what my mother called an “overactive imagination”. My notebooks in high school were often filled with wild stories about “galaxies far far away” or dystopias with cruel governments ruled by dictators. Now I’m in my second year of college swamped with classes about the Psychology of criminals (or I like to call the science of murder), and trying to find time to write a novel. So the struggle is real my dudes.

A little about Me:

Hana

She/Her

Pisces

Asexual

Forensic Psychology Major and English with a concentration in Writing Minor

Book hoarder

Dog Mom

Vintage AF

Low Key Emo Punk because I’m no average white girl!

History nerd (Love learning about the old wars and cultures)

Movie nerd (There’s an endless stack of DVDs in my house)

Fandoms:

The Mandolorian (or the ManDADolorian)

Star Trek

Star Wars

Hannibal

X-Files

King Falls Am

Welcome to Nightvale

Transformers (Obviously not the bad movies lol. Bumblebee is baby and must be protected always.)

Good Omens

Sherlock

Lord of the Rings

Marvel (There are so many shows and movies in this category we would be here all day if I tried to list them.)

Timeless (Not sure if the fandom is still alive after what the writers did to one of our ships lol)

DC (I’m a huge Batman geek and adore Wonderwoman, but I take the good with the bad when it comes to this fandom. Especially movie-wise anymore.)

And there’s probably more but my memory isn’t working currently.

Goals?. . . maybe:

Get my novel finished (This has literally been on my To-Do List for who knows how long.)

Meet more writers/new writers.

Improve my poetry (I suck at poetry so I bad I never let it see the light of day, so I need to work on it.)

Start my bullet journal.

Wips:

Okay by now you all know I have at least 1 Wip because I mentioned getting a freaking novel done, but just as a precaution as to what I mean by Wip or Wips. I get distracted quite easily, for some odd reason my brain absolutely loves to jump from one idea to another for no absolute reason. Like WTF dude we already have an idea we’re working on why do you keep bringing all these new ones to me like stray dogs. And like any good dog Mom or distracted writer, I want to keep all the ideas/stray dogs. So, when I say Wip I mean “Look at this cool idea I came up with” and I’ll make sure to specify which one is hogging most of my time.

Renegade: Dystopian, Thriller, Post-Apocalypse, and Science Fiction.

This is my baby. Most of my free time is dedicated to adjusting plotlines, character arc’s, fixing freaking plot holes, and other important stuff other than just plain writing. I’m hoping to finish this also monster of a story by 2020 and get it published. So big stuff!

“So tell me little wolf do you want to punish those who have wronged you?” An assassin known as the Crimson Ghost makes their way through the corrupt city-state of Ashton completing a job given to them by the Black Rose. What is a seemingly normal job though turns into something far more complicated when they stumble upon the fractions of an abandoned notebook from the past. A past the Republic is trying to desperately hide and bury no matter what. On the other side of the world in the Republic’s capital Eshar, plainly referred to as “The Prodigy” or “machine” by his superiors, Eric Coalwood has built a life upon the ashes of his family, striving to meet the high expectations set before him by his mentor General Wolfheart. However, his life falls out of its normal day to day routine when the unexpected is asked of him. Command a task force made up of the Republic’s most wanted or his life is over. Eric doesn’t need reasons for why he must do what he has to, all he needs are orders and the Republic is more than happy to give them. Either way the clock is ticking for both the Crimson Ghost and the Republic’s prodigy and with time running out they both have two options. Either get over their different beliefs concerning the Republic or allow the world to once again succumb to war but this time nobody is going to survive it. “Legends are slippery things. For the glory that coats them hides the pain, suffering and death that created them.”

The Trouville Files: Dystopian, Thriller, Post-Apocalypse, and Science Fiction.

Not my biggest priority but definitely one of them considering the plot of this story. I mainly use this wip as a reference for Renegade because it’s actually the prequel to it. Also, it’s great to use as writing practice when I’m plagued with writer’s block for Renegade or frustrated with a plot hole. So this is my double-edged sword that does a lot of good.

“Death in these black days is neither kind nor quick.” The year is 2153, the world we know is nothing more than a wasteland strewn with the dead and a sky being choked by their ashes, not glorious and thriving but desolate and starving. The Red Death, a pandemic with a steady progression and a gruesome countdown to the demise of those infected. No one outruns it or survives it. “United we stand, divided we fall.” The Allied Nations, a totalitarian superpower, promised a united people but all they gave this world was more death and destruction. The Red Death isn’t the only thing slowly killing humanity anymore, we are in the form of the War of Broken Pacts. The spark of revolution is lit, but if it will remain so is a question asked by everyone. Does it stand a chance against the iron-fisted government holding the people in shackles? “Rebel with a cause.” Genius Medical Officer for The People’s Republic, Cyprus Ramiro works day and night in search of a cure for the Red Death exterminating hundreds, at least before this war kills him first. But he is also a man on the run and the rebellion can only shelter him for so long. “Duty over pain.” Cunning Spy and Soldier, Orion Ultor is ordered by the Allied Nations to infiltrate and gather information on the ever-growing People’s Republic. In bold letters is Search and Destroy; make a ruin of the rebellion and ensure the Allied Nations remains as it should -- unquestionably in power. No matter the cost unless he wants to suffer the consequences again. “If we fall we shall rise from the ashes like a phoenix.” They should have never met, battlefields don't make good friends. It wasn't fate, it wasn't destiny, only war throwing people together. The Allied Nations is trying to stamp out something they fear, but can they before the Red Plague? Or will humanity find itself extinct.

Beyond his point is where I house my stray dogs/ideas

Hiraeth: Paranormal, Horror, Mystery, and Thriller.

Scooby-doo who?

Hiraeth means a homesickness for a home which you cannot return. That is how Arcane feels like she’ll never be home no matter how hard she tries to connect with her family. The closest she feels to being home is with her friends and in the worn leather seats of the van they all pitched in to buy. It all started out as a way to pass time and for all of them to escape their families because to be honest parents never understand, but it all turned sideways when a simple “ghost hunting trip” stirred something that was meant to remain buried. The truth never remains buried though, not really, somehow it will always creep back in ugly and twisted. Arcane has never felt “at home” but she’ll do whatever it takes to keep what she considers her family safe.

Sweet Dreams: Historical Fiction, Thriller, and Romance.

A literal dream turned into story plot and no I’m not kidding.

The Red String of Fate, The Lovers, and War. These are the three elements intertwined within the plot of Sweet Dreams but before anyone makes any assumptions this isn’t some chummy rom-com. There will be tears and heart strings may get yanked clean out because the angst is real. War and love never mix well, it leaves a sour taste in ones mouth and makes the mind question things it shouldn’t. Like is the woman in his dreams the same woman he sees in all his dreams? Constantly he somehow ends up spotting that same ruby red lipstick, honey golden eyes, and brunette hair laying in perfect curls. She’s everywhere except in his actual life. They say you and your soulmate share dreams, living proof of how intertwined souls are. She doesn’t believe in love or the idea of souls, not with the monsters roaming around the countryside and battlefield carrying assault rifles. Society tells her where her place is, but she disagrees and rather create her own destiny.

The Prophet: Paranormal, Thriller, Post-Apocalypse, and Science Fiction.

A short story I can’t seem to let go or it doesn’t want to let me go, but either way, this story has the makings for something great. It also at times seems strikingly similar to Good Omens, so don’t be surprised.

There’s no anti-christ in this story, he already has a book about himself so let’s not make another one besides there are other stories that need to be told. Such as, have you ever heard of modern day prophets and I’m not talking about those people with cardboard signs saying “the end is near!” or giant churches with people preaching about the end times. No, I’m talking about a kid with messy hair and dark circles under their eyes because sleep is no longer a choice due to migraines that plague them every night. Migraines that bring weird cryptic messages that make one question their own sanity. And what happens when strange people start asking about said migraines and messages?

Virago: Fantasy, Thriller, Historical Fiction, and Romance.

I’m not a huge fantasy reader, for some reason I can’t stay invested in them, but here I am with a fantasy story in my wips. It has mages, knights, assasination plots, and one super badass general who takes zero shit from her king. That’s right women empowerment, my dudes! I don’t really have much of a synopsis inline or a plot because this is only of those wips I let rattle around in my brain from time to time. But I will say it does give me that LOTR vibe but also Game of Thrones.

Don’t be surprised if you see my stray doggos from time to time because I will admit I love to play around with storyboards. Even if I don’t have a fully planned out plot put together for it.

And that concludes this what was supposed to be short Writeblr Intro. I hope I have peaked some of your guys’ interests because the community definitely got a hold of minee. Feel free to send me a message about anything I mentioned (even if it’s just fandom shit I don’t care) and don’t be shy. I’m a huge introvert but somehow love talking, so don’t worry it won’t be awkward and odds are I’m equally nervous about conversation lol. Also, feel free to add me to any taglist and reblog/like if you’re active and would like more Writeblr mutuals!

Happy Writing,

Writings-from-the-Hart

#writeblr #wips #writer intro #my ocs

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clevercatchphrase · 5 years ago

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2019 year in review

So… The 2010’s are almost over. Huh. What a decade it’s been. Hard to comprehend how much has changed in 10 years. I can barely believe that I was in high school at the beginning of this decade, and now I’m a college graduate with 2 degrees who’s been working at the same job for the last 3 years. But trying to summarize the past 10 years in a single post is a good way to give myself an existential crisis, so let’s not do that! Instead, let’s just focus on 2019 because there has been more than enough shit that’s happened to me in this year to talk about.

PART 1 OF 2: 2019 AND 2020 GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS

Huh, looking back through my archives, I apparently didn’t make a tumblr post about my goals this year. I definitely had some, though. Lemme list ‘em off real quick, and then we’ll go through them point by point.

1) Pay off all my student loans 2) Finish some song comics 3) Make art for my Redbubble account 4) Finish the first rough draft/script of a game I wanted to make 5) Practice ASL 6) Sew some stuffed animals 7) Finish some fan fictions 8) Work on Ghost Switch 9) AMVs 10) Do some original writing 11) Make illustrations for my fan fictions

Okay, first off, the student loans. I was actually SO CLOSE to successfully completing this one bUT THEN MY CAR HAD TO BE A WHINEY PISS BABY AND HAVE ITS ALTERNATOR DIE ON ME WHILE I WAS ON THE HIGHWAY AND THEN A BLOW OUT THREE WEEKS LATER.

GOD, if I had to summarize this year in two words, for me it would be “Car troubles”. I swear I spent more on auto repair in the first third of this year than I ever have just freakin’ OWNING a car. All four of my tires had to be replaced, my alternator failed and my car literally just SHUT OFF while I was driving, and I was barely able to coast into a gas station. Both my front breaks and rear breaks were worn down the metal and I only learned this when my car was barely able to stop after I had to slam the petal down full force! I went in for an oil change, and they found some problems and then I didn’t get my car back for three days! I don’t even like owning a car! I hate driving! I hate my country’s refusal to provide universal, free public transportation! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!

Oh-kay… number 2. Finish some song comics. I didn’t finish any. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t work on them. I have made tiny progress, but that’s certainly better than no progress. One of these song comics I hope to be realizes is going to be a collab with one of my friends. It’ll be a long-time coming as it’s pretty low priority for the both of us, but if anyone else out there was disappointed with KH3’s ending, we’re gonna have ya’ covered… With SONG!

3. Make some redbubble art. I actually did this one! Not in the way I expected, but I added (technically) 3 new designs to my redbubble in the middle of the year. If you like butterflies and dragons, I got some product for you~!

Number 4, finish a script for a game I want to make. I… thought about this. I thought about this a lot, but I never put pen to paper, so… oops. It almost happened! I debated making this my main writing project for NaNoWriMo this year, but ended up having more inspiration for another story. Maybe next year? (god, I hope not. I don’t want to wait a full year just to write something)

Number 5, practice ASL. I just straight up didn’t do this and I only have myself to blame. Still keepin’ up that Danish Duolingo streak, though. 4 years going strong and not a day missed yet.

Number 6, sew some stuffed animals. Again, another one I just straight up didn’t do, but I have an excuse of trying to save money while my car crashed and burned in every other sense except literal this year. Hopefully 2020 will be different. I’ll definitely be able to pay off this last loan within the first half of 2020, and then I can start saving for whatever I want to buy.

Finish some fan fictions was number 7, and I did this! Well, I only finished, 1, but it was a story I’ve been working on for over 3 years, and it came out to over 200 THOUSAND words long, which is the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I’m quite proud of myself. Now that the big story is out of the way, and I’ve gotten into a good rhythm of working on Ghost Switch, maybe I can squeeze in some short writing sessions more frequently. (either that, or just wait for my car to break down again and then go on a writing spree in a pepboys. The lord and the fan fic discord know that’s solely why I finished my other fic this year)

Speaking of Ghost Switch, working on it was a goal this year too, and I did that! I kept it up all year and took a vacation in November and it was wonderful. While the major plot points have been in place since before I started drawing, I still need to script each arc beyond Snowdin, but hey, by the time we get there, it’ll be 2022 so I got time. (Note, don’t do this, kids. Script your stories and comics thoroughly before publishing. The road I’m on is paved with misery and pain and it will only end in tears unless I change lanes soon)

Number 9, amvs. Do people make AMVs anymore? Idk… the last one I made was... Jesus, 5 years ago? (it was a gravity falls/fall out boy crossover, if you were curious) I’ve been wanting to do 2 more for just as long, but in order for me to do that, I’d have to spend time re-watching the shows to find the footage, and then actually edit them together, and I just don’t…. feel like it. Maybe someday, but not any day soon.

10; do some original writing. I did this! For nanowrimo! I wrote the first draft of some original fiction I’ve been planning for a year or two now and it completely sucks! But it’s on paper now and I’m happy. Will I revise and edit it? Sure, but not for a while. I want to let it sit and forget about it and look at it with new eyes months from now so I can be sure I can make it better when time comes to rewrite.

11, make illustrations for my fan fics. Now that You Monster is done, I want to go back and add pictures to it. I didn’t do any this year, but I did keep a list of scenes I wanted to draw, so I have plenty of ideas to do as warm up sketches next year~ I kinda want to stream them~

So, that was 11 goals, and I successfully fulfilled 4 of them! That’s! Not a very good ratio… QmQ So, goals for 2020. Some I’m gonna keep from this year, some I’m gonna drop and some I’m gonna add. In short I would like to,

1) Finish paying off that last student loan 2) Put more stuff on my redbubble 3) Illustrate my own fan fics 4) Sew at least one stuffed animal 5) Make an enamel pin 6) Read one new book a month 7) Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic 8) Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make 9) Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch 10) Boost my patreon

Most of these I think are pretty self-explanitory, but I’ll go into detail just a bit because I’m on a roll and typing my thoughts helps me feel less alone in the middle of the night when you’re super tired and you know you should probably go to sleep, but the toddler in you is throwing a tantrum and doesn’t wanna go to sleep just yet, but you can’t fight the progression of time either way.

Number 1- I should be able to reach this goal by the end of March. End of June at the absolute latest. Once that goal is met, my secret new year’s resolution will be unlocked as well!

Number 2- I want to put more art of my OCs on redbubble. These OCs are tied to the game I want to make. There’s already some art of them up there, but I want at least one piece for each character.

Number 3- Mostly for You Monster. Embrace the cardinal rule of fan fic and apply it to fan art. If you want to read about see art about certain ideas, scenarios, or what-ifs, you gotta make it yourself.

Number 4- I have 3 potential ideas to sew. One is definitely leagues easier than the other two and will probably be chosen if/when I have the time and materials.

Number 5- This year I got really, REALLY into the idea of making enamel pins. Unfortunately it’s a pretty big investment (like, $350 to make 100 pins you might not even sell). If this happens, it’ll probably be towards the end of the year, and if I get enough interest. I’m currently torn between making an original enamel pin and one based off Undertale. We’ll just have to see where this goes.

Number 6- Back in 2018 when I paid off one of my many student loans, I rewarded myself by spending over 200 dollars in used books. All these books had a theme; they were focused on dragons because I have a problem. I have not yet read a single one of these books I have bought, and I would like to fix that. I have, like, 20 unread dragon books, and even if I only read 12 out of 20, I would consider that an amazing accomplishment and money well spent.

Number 7- I currently have about 8 different WIPs I could work on. (well, I don’t know if I can even call them wips. More like, a general idea and a title written down.) I want to build good writing habits, and if I can write just 200 words a day, hell, even 200 words a week and just one of my 8 stories done, I would consider this goal met.

Number 8- I’m torn between making my game in unity or ren’py. I know jack shit about both. Ren’py is more user friendly, but unity will allow me more customization. (Lol, can you guess what kind of game I want to make yet?)

Number 9- I really just want the full story to be done and written incase anything goes horribly terribly wrong in my life and I find myself unable to continue making ghost switch in comic form. Then at least I can finish the story by other means, you know?

Number 10- It always surprises me every month when I get that patreon email saying I got paid. Sure, I don’t even make double digits on it, but it still awes me enough to know that people out there like my work enough to throw me a tip. I can’t thank my patrons enough for supporting me and I hope to one day be in such a good place I can update my comic/song comics/writing frequently enough without need for goals or milestones. But until that magical day arrives, money is always a great incentive for anything, I suppose. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT. PART 2 OF 2: SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2019

Cheesus crust what a year. This year started off great! Back in late January Kingdom Hearts 3 FINALLY released, and let me tell you a little story. Back in the summer of 2006 I was a 13 year old middle schooler with no way of making money other than by doing house hold chores at a rate of 25 cents a task. A few weeks ago, I had a sleep over at a friend’s house and they let me play this weird game called “Kingdom Hearts” and god, I was instantly hooked on it. That summer, I did over 800 chores, enough to earn myself 200$ and buy myself a playstation 2 (just in time for the ps3 to come out, gg me) The only games I had for the ps2 were KH1, 2, Re:CoM and Okami, and I beat them all… except Okami. Miffed that the PS3 wouldn’t allow for backwards compatibility, little 13-year-old me made a promise. I looked myself in the mirror and said “I will not buy the next playstation console until KH3 comes out, AND BOY that was probably a good choice for me to make with my level of gaming. I’m even less of a casual gamer than the average casual gamer, but I have been waiting 13 years for this piece of closure, and I even told my friends and family that “the day Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out is the day I will buy a playstation 4”. My dad apparently thought this was the funniest shit, because he literally took the day off from work that Friday to drive me on base to get the game and console (he thought it would be less crowded than a regular walmart, I suppose). I paid $400 on a ps4 pro while he bought me the game. Again, I have an impecible sense of timing seeing as the PS5 is now right on the horrizion, but just like before, I’m not buying a new console until the next KH game is released. See you in 2045, sony~. While I was at the gamestop on base, I also picked up Okami HD and The Last Guardian. For all of February and even early March, I took my time playing through KH3. And…! It was the best disappointment I’ve ever played. After a month away from gaming, I started The Last Guardian and finished it in a couple weeks. I love trico and would die for him, but trying to get 100% completion on that game is udder insanity. Okami, HD, however… again after a month break after finishing TLG, I started replaying Okami. I think I had only managed to get about halfway through the game before I just… stopped playing it on my ps2 version. I am currently SO CLOSE to getting a 100% on the ps4 version. In fact, I’ve beaten the game. I only (techinically) need 2 more trophies to be done; 1st, escape the water dragon without being eaten, 2nd, I need to beat that dumb stupid race with Kai, in order to get the last bead on my rosary, as well as the top dog trophy. I hate her so much. I hate this race so much. It’s awful and bad.

Flash forward to December! Earlier this month I was at Barnes and Noble, buying myself a planner for 2020. I exit the store and notice that there’s a gamestop across the street. For shits and giggles I go inside to look at their game selection, and I find KH 1.5 and 2.5. Now, my PS2 died a few years back (it just won’t read my discs anymore, I don’t know why) and I haven’t been able to replay any of my other kingdom hearts games since. If you had seen me the day I finished kingdom hearts 3, after the ending credits rolled, you would have heard me say “Man…. I wish I could play kingdom hearts 2 again”. AND NOW I CAN, ALONG WITH BBS which I had never even played yet, but knew the story of. I’ve restarted playing kh1, and I was so happy to hear that familiar music when I booted the game up for the first time. While at the game stop, I also picked up Rime and Tearaway, two games that had looked interesting to me. At the time of writing, I’ve finished Rime and am 25% done with tearaway. Rime was…. An interesting experience. I learned about it through Jacksepticeye’s channel a couple years back and thought the art style was enticing. For a super casual gamer like me, I found the puzzles just the right level of challenging and exploring was a blast! The music gave me VERY strong Princes Mononoke vibes, but the overall story left something to be desired. Overall I had fun, and enjoyed completing this game to 100%. Now for tearaway. Can I just say this game is super fucking adorable? I know the original was on the ps vita and the gameplay there was arguably more diverse and imaginative, but this game is just so fucking cute I don’t care?? ALSO, this game’s sound track is ABSOLUTELY incredible and I’ve only heard the first fourth of it! Listen to The Orchards, Pig Riding, and Gibbet Hill Pilgrimage for a taste of their wonderful beats and fantastic use of string and woodwinds! God, I’m so excited to get some more games in 2020. I’m proud to say I currently own more ps4 games than I ever did with my ps2 (and now the majority AREN’T Kingdom Hearts titles!), and I’m still hoping to play Journey, The Witness, and Abzu before everything becomes ps5.

What else happened to me this year. Oh, I went to a doctor for, like, the first time in seven years. I also had my blood drawn for the first time ever, and the nurse said the most disturbing thing to me while she did it. Now, whenever I get shots, I refuse to look. I did that here. So she thought it would be appropriate to say to me “Can you feel your blood leaving your body?” Lady… You can clearly see I am uncomfortable with what is happening here. Why, of all the things you could say, did you choose to say that. Unfortunately, while my doctor is nice, she keeps wanting to run tests on me, that I just cannot afford with my current salary, and my monthly insurance is about to go up to 200$ a month, so I’ve cancelled my next appointment with them, and don’t plan to go back until it’s absolutely necessary. Capitalism is fun, guys. Preventative healthcare is for wusses.

I started going to a chiropractor on a monthly basis. Story time- I don’t know when it started, but sometime late last November I began to notice that I had a headache that just... wasn’t... going away? And each day it was starting to get a little worse. It made it hard for me to find a comfortable position to sleep, it made it hard for me to be in bright areas or move fast. So I said to myself “Okay, if this headache persist through the month of december, then something is proooobably wrong and I should go see someone about it. And hoo-boy were thing wrong with me. By the time this January rolled around, I couldn’t even stay on my feet for more than a few hours without it physically hurting to just BREATHE. So I started going to this chain called The Joint (A+ name, I know). THey aksed me “How are you doing?” I said “I’m in pain” and they said “We can help fix that!”. I’ve only been to a chiropractor once before in my life a few years back after my freshmen year of college because I began to notice my hips weren’t able to support me? LIke, I would lie on my back, and I couldn’t push my hips up when my feet were flat on the floor. I also couldn’t climb anything steep, because my legs just couldn’t push me up if my knee had to bend more than 90 degrees when I lifted my leg up. (Turned out both my hips were apparently out of place). This time only one of my hips were out of place (which they fixed. they said one of my legs was an inch “longer” than the other because I had been leaning all my weight on one leg when I stand). But two of my ribs were apparently “Stuck” which was why it was hurting for me to just breathe, and one of my shoulders was missaligned too, causing one of my trap muscles to constantly be streched, which was pulling on my skull, and causing the headache. Anyway, after they popped all my bones back into place, I still felt terrible, but by god, that night was the first time in weeks I was able to sleep without a migrane. A chiropractor can’t magically heal your arthritis, or fibro, but I definately think they have merit to keeping your posture good and helping your body with things like circulation. 10 outa 10, would recomend. It’s all the fun of getting your neck snapped without the dying!

Earlier this month I got together with two of my friends and we baked Christmas cookies. It was a lot of fun, as well as a great learning experience. A member of my family has a gluten allergy, so we used rice flour for most of the cookies. We learned this is a bad idea! The cookies will just fall apart! A few member’s in one of the friend’s family have nut allergies. Other friend and I knew this and were careful to avoid cookie recipes with nuts, bUT THEN COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT ALMOND MILK AND ALMOND EXTRACT COUNT AS NUT. IN FACT, ALMOND EXTRACT IS PURE CONCENTRATED NUT JUICE AND WE FELT SO BAD FOR ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY POISONING THE FAMILY.

Earlier this year me and these same friends took a field trip to Hobby Lobby and just dicked around the store for a couple of hours. It was super fun, 11 outa 10, would recommend, a great date idea for your artsy S.O.

Back in May I went to a wedding for the first time in my life. (well, not true, but the first one I could remember) we left at 5am, drove 5 hours to get there, hung out at a zoo and spent the night in a la quinta before the wedding day. I slept on the bathroom floor because my mom was snoring too loud in the main room and keeping me awake, and the rest of the day was just spent me trying to keep myself together because I was pissed off and tired.

Other than all of that, nothing really major happened to me this year. I guess one more thing I’ve tried to do this year is started the process of breaking certain internet addictions so I can use my free time for more personal projects. Seriously, I found myself watching way too much youtube and following blogs that didn’t even make me happy. I had a personal intervention with myself where I sat down and asked myself, “why do you watch these videos and youtubers? Why do you follow these blogs? Do you really enjoy their content? Do you really care? If you stopped watching/following them, would you even notice?” After critically thinking it over, I’ve found myself unfollowing several channels and blogs and suddenly I feel so much happier. I thought I would miss it, but I realized I didn’t really care if I saw their content or not. I wasn’t missing much. And now I feel like I have more time to draw, read and write. If you think you spend too much time consuming and not enough time creating, I suggest you try and de-clutter your internet habits as well. It’s done wonders to un-fuck my headspace.

And… well, that about sums up my year. How are your holidays going? Anything fun, exciting, dramatic happen to you this year? I hope your new year is warm and safe! Good night, everybody!

#new year's resolutions #year in review #long post #(seriiously this think is like 3k words)

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