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hellfire--cult · 10 months ago

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Edit of Eddie: pitifulbaby

Chapters: Masterlist (Go here to see list of chapters, plotline and general warnings.)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers, Non-Traditional Omegaverse, Slow burn, Modern!AU, Mechanic!Eddie

⚠️This chapter contains: Angst, fear of loneliness, family desires, mentions of nausea, slight insinuation of depression

wc: 7.3k

A/N: Sorry for taking so long! We're slowly arriving to the tension bbies.

Anyways, Enjoy! ❤️ And don't forget to always support me by hitting the reblog button or leave a comment!

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CHAPTER 14

It’s been… excruciating.

The past two weeks you spent them locked up and you have asked to work remotely at home. Your boss of course insisted that you need the time off, that she completely understood your position, and your emotions always come first.

You told her about Billy.

You told her how Billy was not in favor of Same-sex marriage, and adoption. He wasn’t in favor of Betas being able to be single parents either. If that information were to get out, the company would be targeted as unethical, and that’s not at all Liana’s principles. The company is completely in favor of the people’s wants and needs.

You really didn’t want to rat Billy out, because this meant that his opportunities would be lost, and it wasn’t done so you could spite him for his personal views. You just couldn’t keep working with someone who is against what your friends want, what your friends ambition to have. Jonathan and Steve want children of their own, and if the laws don’t let that happen, they will never have the family they strive for.

So Liana immediately called Ralph to look for another publishing company.

At first, he was crazed, yelling at her through the phone until she finally told him she knew about Billy’s facade about the same-sex marriage riots. Ralph was silent on the other end of the phone, and in three days, the contract was done with, and the company had nothing to do anymore with Billy Hargrove.

Now you, it’s a different story. You’ve been miserable. You could feel him everywhere, remembering him on your bed, laughing with each other, smiling like idiots as you told stories about one another’s lives. How he would cook for you and sometimes spoil you with gifts even if you told him you didn’t need any of it.

You wished you hadn’t noticed certain things that didn’t sit right with you. How he acted with your friends at first, how he would scrunch up his nose when you told him things you liked and he didn’t. How jealous you found out he was when he met Eddie. How you fought sometimes for very stupid things, like him not looking after his mess, or not caring about your thoughts about his friends and still dragging you to hang out with them.

So you stayed in. You couldn’t even go to work because you couldn’t look at that stupid closet for a good while. The closet that started it all. You know you have to move on from this, but it’s not easy, not after what you’ve been through before. It’s hard enough to trust someone into your life that way, imagine being vulnerable and let yourself fall in love with them.

You’re glad those feelings didn’t reach Billy. The bomb exploded, a little anticipated thankfully.

You have also neglected the group, telling them you needed time to cool off, to let it all sink before trying to go to their house, or them coming over because you just wouldn’t be yourself, and you would put the whole group down with your mood. The last thing you want and need is to also feel like a nuisance with your friends.

So, better keep it to yourself. You will get through with it alone, like you always have, with everything. There’s no need to bother others with this, not with the mood you have been handling for the past few days. You didn’t talk with anyone, Robin, Nancy, Eddie, Jonathan… No one, not even a tik tok or meme.

It was food, work, sleep, repeat. A shower here and there, and you knew it was wrong but it’s just your head playing a bad pass on you. You had been afraid of falling again, of it going wrong, but you thought it might be different, you really thought it would– Only for it to come crashing down as fast as it started.

How can you even begin to think that there is a chance everything will be fine later on? Will you ever find a destined one? If there is any at all? And with the laws, as they still are, your dream of a family is just–

Your phone rang, taking your mind away from your thoughts. You didn’t notice you were staring blankly at the TV screen. You didn’t even know what was on, nor you didn’t care. You grabbed your phone to see Robin calling you, making you sigh. You slid the answer button on the touchscreen and put the phone in your ear.

“Robs–”

“I’m not getting a no for an answer. Get ready, get dressed, we’re arriving in twenty.” You straightened up in alarm, eyes widening in surprise.

“What the fuck are you talking about, who is coming?” You were angry now because you didn’t agree to anything, you weren’t even asked to hang out, much less come to your house.

“Steve, Eddie, and I. The rest had to do stuff, so we are heading over.” Your breathing caught in your throat as you looked around your spotless house. You needed to keep your mind occupied so you cleaned every surface possible. Still, you never agreed–

“N–”

“I said I wasn’t taking a no for an answer.” And just like that, the line clicked. You groaned loudly in anger as you paced around the living room, tossing the phone towards your couch. You love Robin. You love Robin. You love Robin.

But fuck, you wanted to kill her right now.

And bringing Steve and Eddie along? For fuck sake. You looked down at your clothes and then at your room. You could easily not open the door for them. You can easily drive them off like that because they wouldn’t stay outside more than five minutes if you don’t answer. Yeah, you can definitely do that…

“Ugh!” You grunted into the nothingness as you rushed into your room to throw on the first things that were decent. A pair of jeans and a black long-sleeved turtleneck will do. You combed your hair as best as you could, throwing on some mascara and eyeliner to not look like a corpse. You looked into the mirror and you winced as you barely recognized yourself.

You definitely looked as if a truck ran over you. The bags under your eyes, the tired overall look on your face. You sighed as you scanned your face with your hands and then you looked at your hands. They looked dehydrated, and your nails needed some caring that’s for sure.

Did you really not take care of yourself the past two weeks?

You didn’t even notice how dejected you looked. You didn’t even care of looking into a mirror, and now that you do you barely recognize who the woman is in the reflection. Fuck did this hit you bad… You grabbed your concealer and tapped a bit under your eyes, trying to conceal the purple hues under them, wincing when it didn’t do much.

Did you even have food for them? Drinks? Shit… Should you order some pizza? You rushed out towards your kitchen and opened your fridge to see there were two beers, some soda, water… Okay, not much but there are beverages. You closed the fridge to look into your cupboards, wincing when no snacks could be found.

You groaned as you leaned against the sink. It’s not your fault, is it? You weren’t expecting them, so it’s not your issue if there are no snacks or things to satisfy their hunger. Yeah, it’s not. You never said yes. You let out a sigh out of your lips as you talked out loud.

“Alexa. Play whatever 80’s playlist there is.”

And the sound of Michael Bolton’s ‘How Am I supposed to live without you?’ came on. You cursed at the sky and you really thought you were cursed. You rushed to your phone to see how long it’s been since Robin called you. Fifteen minutes, shit, they are–

And the doorbell rang.

Five minutes early.

You groaned with a sigh, taking a deep breath in as you looked at the front door. Were you ready to face your friends? Were you ready for them to see you like this? They have all messaged you in order to talk to them, to hang out, to even try to do a video call with them, but you always declined.

Even Eddie tried. He sent you a bunch of memes in order to try to cheer you up, but you never opened them. You just didn’t feel like laughing at all. He had messaged you as well, telling you that he would go to your apartment without your invitation, but he never dared to do so. It seems all of them got tired of you pushing them away.

You walked towards the door and took a deep breath in as you unlocked the door, slowly opening it to reveal your three friends with a bunch of snacks, sweet and salty, and drinks in their hands. They stopped whispering to one another and turned to look at you and you noticed how Robin’s eyebrows twitched as you crossed your arms over your chest, a glare in your eyes. They were silent as you glared at the group for simply crashing without your consent until–

“You look like shit.”

Your eyes snapped towards Eddie and he had a cheeky smile on his face. You flipped him off as you walked backward to let them in. You heard a giggle coming from Robin and then their steps coming inside your apartment.

Steve closed the door behind him and headed to the fridge to put the beers inside, already taking four out. Robin put the snacks on the counters looking around to see your house completely spotless and she sighed. She knew that whenever you were anxious or nervous you cleaned in order to keep yourself distracted.

Eddie though, Eddie was looking all around. It was the first time he came to your apartment, and it was very spacious, but his was even more. You didn’t notice when you came by to his workplace, but he lives above the shop. You enter his home through stairs that are on the back, going up towards the second floor. His was more of a loft-looking apartment, those that have brick walls and industrial stuff.

Your house was more modern-like, a little minimalistic but with plants all around. You were very fond of succulents since there are a bunch at the top of your fridge. His eyes then went towards your bookshelf, walking towards it to start inspecting your books.

“So, what are you doing here?” Your voice was angry, yet there was a certain feeling, emotion, that told them you didn’t dislike their intrusion. Robin shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest, Steve coming to stand next to her with the same stance.

“You expect us to just wait for you to talk to us? That can happen in a fucking month, and we are not gonna wait that long.” At those words, you couldn’t help but be mad.

“People need their own healing time, and you are invading it.” Your voice was cold, imperative even, and Steve’s head snapped towards Robin worriedly. Your best friend stood her ground as she stared at you, shaking her head.

“I wouldn’t invade it if you at least talked to us. I wouldn’t invade it if you at least came to work instead of working remotely, which by the way, fuck you for making me interact with other people!”

You wanted to laugh at your best friend’s exaggeration, but you had to focus on the fact you were angry at the invasion. You rolled your eyes at her and you walked to rest your hip against the headrest of your couch.

“You are still invading it without my conse–”

“Holy shit, you have Fifty Shades of Grey.”

Everyone’s eyes turned to the dark-haired metalhead that was still holding onto the bag of candies in his hand as he inspected your bookshelf. You raised your eyebrow at him, wondering what the hell he was going on about.

“So?” You asked him and he turned to look at you, holding the first book in his hand.

“Seriously? There is better erotica out there sweetheart.” You felt heat on your cheeks at the comment, it’s not like it was your go-to in the book genre… But the bookshelf is indeed filled with smut–

“Hang on, does Eddie Munson read Erotica?” You said mockingly and you heard Steve let out a snort of his, covering his mouth with his hand. Eddie turned to put the book back and a smirk was plastered on his face as he looked at you once more.

“Knowledge is in any form sweetheart.” More heat, that’s for sure. You felt it all over your fingertips even, and you shrugged it off with a roll of your shoulders. He turned to go over to the counter to finally place the candies there. He took a beer from the four that Steve had previously taken out and opened it.

“Look, I know you don’t want us here, but we really can’t turn our heads and pretend you’re not okay.” Steve finally talked as he grabbed a beer and handed it to you. You could see the doubt in his eyes, the guilt of just barging in as they liked, and you could hear the slight apology behind his words.

You know that the rest would probably be here if they didn’t have work or other plans. You knew that. You gulped the lump in your throat that was already forming there because you had cried enough the first few days and you promised yourself you wouldn’t cry anymore. You were putting on a strong attitude even if you really didn’t feel like being that strong or confident.

You raised your hand towards Steve’s and grabbed the beer from his grip. It was a sign of acceptance that they were already here, and they wouldn’t go away any time soon. You opened your beer as you heard Steve opening his. You looked at Robin who was looking at you with sadness in her eyes and you sighed, shaking your head.

“I’m sorry Robs.”

Your best friend immediately rushed to your aid, wrapping her arms around you in order to pull you close. You felt your chest press on you because of the emotions you were suddenly washed over with. You didn’t know you needed an embrace until now, wrapping your arms around Robin made you feel the lump in your throat coming right back up.

You clenched your eyes tightly trying not to let the tears fall as you felt your heart tightening at the hug. You were immersed into your own sadness that you didn’t know how to get out of and probably all you needed were the people inside the room right now. The ones who care enough that they prefer to invade your privacy than to let you fall deeper into a hole.

Eddie was looking at you, inspecting your face as he felt the sadness radiating from you. Why are you holding back from crying? Why do you always try to keep a strong front? He knows what you’ve been through, and he knows it’s not something easy to let go, but they are here now to help you. You weren’t betrayed by your friends like you had in the past.

His chest felt a little tight as he saw you hugging Robin and he looked at Steve who had the same worried look on his face, but he let a sigh of relief fall from his lips. They have been worried about you for the past two weeks, and even in the short period of knowing you, he had been too.

You pulled away from Robin and she immediately flicked your forehead with her thumb and index finger, making you wince and rub the area she hurt.

“What the fuck was that for!?” You yelled at that and she giggled at you, turning to go grab a beer for herself.

“For being a fucking idiot.” You rolled your eyes at her but a tiny smile spread on your lips as you took another sip of your beer. You looked up from the can, seeing Eddie looking straight at you, and that made your stomach turn slightly at the intense gaze. Your eyes snapped to Steve who grabbed a tube of Pringles and your mouth salivated at seeing they were your favorite flavor, doing grabby hands at it.

Steve chuckled at your reaction and he opened it for you first before handing it over to you. Still, before you could reach it, Eddie immediately snatched it away, putting his beer on the counter in order to stick his hand in and take a handful of chips, throwing them all inside of his mouth, and making you gasp in disbelief.

“You’re eating them all!” You groaned at him and he only sent a smirk your way, and he could see how your eyebrows were slowly knitting together in the middle of your forehead in anger and annoyance. Oh, he missed that face. It’s been a while since he last saw it.

“You want some?” He pretended to hand the tube to you and you quickly moved your free hand to grab onto it, only for Eddie to snatch it back. “Too slow.”

“Eddie–” Robin was the one that talked now and Eddie looked at her still with a triumphant smirk on his face.

“Yeah?” And suddenly he was pounced over, your legs wrapping around his waist as you did a big jump, one arm wrapped around his shoulders as your other hand reached over to grab the tube of Pringles. He quickly raised his hand up, yelling at the sudden action, almost falling on his ass by the impact.

“Give me the fucking pringles Munson!!!” You yelled loudly and the arm that was around his shoulders immediately gripped onto the low ponytail, pulling on it, making him wince in pain.

“What the fuck Peach!?” He was trying to keep you two balanced as he thrashed all over the apartment while Robin and Steve started laughing hysterically and taking videos of the scene unfolding before their eyes.

“Y-You never EVER mess with her pringles. NEVER!” You wanted to laugh, you really did, but you wanted the fucking pringles that were on this bastard’s extended arm, out of your reach, so you pulled on his ponytail even harder.

His eyes snapped open at the sudden feeling he got, a part of him twitching that really shouldn’t, so he put you down and slammed the tube of chips on your chest.

“Fine, fine! Take your pringles, Jesus H. Christ!” He cursed and you just took the can in your hands and sent a raspberry his way, and the tight feeling he felt before evaporated just like that, a laugh escaping his lips at your childishness.

You followed with a giggle and Robin raised an eyebrow up as she turned to look at Steve. He was already grinning, looking at her but the two of them didn’t say anything. Nothing needed to be said. They stopped recording the moment as you started stuffing your face with chips and Robin instantly yelled at your greediness.

Steve chuckled as he looked at Eddie, the smile turning into confusion as he saw Eddie looking at you with a puzzled look on his face, yet a smile was on his lips. Steve tilted his head, wanting to talk to his friend only for Robin to almost knock the small table that you left your beer can on before you jumped on Eddie, making him fumble forward to catch the can as quickly as he could.

The apartment was filled with laughter in a matter of seconds, of yelling and curses. The apartment that remained silent for over two weeks was now full of life you didn’t think you missed that much, and now having it, you’re realizing you were wrong. Now you wished the rest of the group were here. You really wanted the whole group together again.

You needed them. You needed these people who showed you time and time that they wouldn’t hurt you, never intentionally, and even accidentally they would ask for forgiveness. Like Eddie did.

You looked at him as he now recorded Steve and Robin wrestling for a can of pretzels, claiming it was each other’s favorite, and you were just in a trance as you saw how he was laughing, here, in your house… That laugh you saw many times on Instagram stories when Nancy or Steve would post him. That laugh you never thought would ever be near you.

It was a nice feeling. It definitely was.

You were outside now, smoking a cigarette in the kind of warm weather despite the season. You let the smoke out into the air as you heard the sliding door of your balcony open and you turned your head to see who the visitor was.

“Well, Robin and Steve overdid it with the special Margaritas.” Eddie stated as he sat on the couch next to you, placing a beer on the small table in front next to the… Eddie grabbed the item and showed it to you with an eyebrow raised up. “A Mickey Mouse ashtray?”

You snorted and almost choked on your smoke as you giggled at that and gave him a nod.

“I thought it would be funny.” It was his turn to smile and shake his head as he put the ashtray back on the table, taking out his own pack of cigarettes so he could light one up. You leaned over to grab his beer and take a sip out of it, and he did not comment on that at all.

He never liked it when people touched his food or his drinks. He would always make a snarky comment about them getting their own, but he really didn’t seem to mind it when you took a gulp and put it back in its place for him to take it next.

He took a deep inhale of the cigarette in his hand and he turned to look at your profile. You looked happy, yet that feeling of holding something back was still present in your features. His eyebrows twitched slightly as he looked away and into the sky.

“You don’t have to act tough all the time, you know?” You were taken out of your thoughts as you turned to look at him with a surprised look on your face. You shook your head at him, feeling your heart falling slowly into your stomach.

“I am not acting tough. I’m just slowly getting over it.” You looked forward once more, taking a drag of your cigarette, trying to hide the twitch that just happened in your eyebrow, but Eddie knew he couldn’t leave until you finally let it all out. You’ve been enduring it all by yourself the past two weeks, there was no need to do that when they were all here.

“Look, I told you I can read people like the palm of my hand, didn’t I?” He said and you surely remember that. You scoffed and looked at him, an eyebrow raised in confusion.

“Yeah, and I’m still wondering if you have a superpower or just a stalker.” He rolled his eyes at your joke and shook his head, taking a sip of his beer and handing the can your way. You took it in your hand and took a gulp as well, putting the can back on the table.

“I am just good at reading people.”

“Right, and I’m–”

“Changing the topic.”

You closed your mouth and snapped it shut to be completely honest. He was staring at you, his eyes never leaving yours, and you felt an intense heat filling your entire body at the gaze, but it was a shameful heat. A kind of guilty feeling rising up inside of you that you couldn’t quite comprehend.

“L-Look… how I handle my problems is my own issue. I take me time, I prefer to be alone so I can think–”

“Bad.”

Your eyebrows knitted together in anger as you look at him, putting your cigarette out in the ashtray in front of you both. You were becoming defensive, you knew that, but you don’t know why he is intruding so much in your life when he should just back away.

“I always solved my problems this way! And it’s–”

“That’s a lie.” He wasn’t looking at you, but your face was on fire from anger, from nerves, from an anxious feeling that was building inside your guts.

“Excuse me?” You were going to explode at him, you really were, but then his face turned to look at you after he put the cigarette bud out on the ashtray, and your anger evaporated from your whole body at the frown on his eyebrows.

“You didn’t solve it alone in your past.”

Your heart was beating inside your chest, wanting to run out of your throat, and you could feel the blood rushing in your ears, and your hands started to become sweaty, extremely so. Your head turned, looking away from him and you wanted to run away because the lump in your throat was forming again. Fuck, it was happening once more.

“Sometimes I did.” That was a lie. That was a horrible lie. You always enjoyed the comfort of people, and the hugs they would give you in your moment of stress, of sadness, of anxiety. You always found stillness and calm when you talked to people about your problems.

Eddie was still looking at you with a saddened look on his face. He has been joking with you all night, trying to make you laugh, trying to make you forget… But he knew that you needed this. He knew it, and he wasn’t going to let you live this alone. If he knew something about life, it was loneliness.

“We are not like them.” His voice was calm but reassuring. You almost choked with those words and you gotta give it to him, he was one smart bastard. Your eyes were starting to burn and you needed to hold it in. You needed to.

“I know.” Was your short response, but Eddie didn’t hold back. He needed you to break.

“Then act like it.”

And that was enough for a tear to finally fall from the edge of your waterline and onto your cheek.

You were never alone in these moments. You always told Camila about your issues at work, about your heartbreaks, about your good moments, about your triumphs and your falls, and she had always been there. Always giving you a shoulder, always telling you that everything would be okay, always giving you advice and opinions on the issues you were going through.

You had someone to talk to, someone that knew you since little, someone that you thought would never, ever, not in a million years hurt you, harm you, or destroy you.

And what if it were to happen again? What if you were to open up to people that would hurt you later on? People that might rip you apart without hesitation? What if you opened up only for a knife to be stabbed back into your mouth?

It was wrong for you to put them all in the same bag, but could you really blame yourself? Could you blame yourself for how hard it was for you to trust someone entirely? It’s not that you don’t trust them, you just don’t trust the future. You don’t trust that everything will be okay. You don’t trust that everything has a happy ending. You simply don’t trust, so you move on tippy toes in order to not step on glass.

Robin was not like Camila. You knew that Robin would never do to you what Camila had done… but it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t. You wished it were. You wished you could see into the future to know that nothing changes, to know that you weren’t going to get your heart broken, but that was impossible.

How can someone trust another person as blindly as you trusted the one that hurt you?

“It’s not easy.” Your voice cracked. Fuck, it cracked. You took a sharp breath in, trying to calm down but he broke the dam. He broke it, and you were shaking trying to hold everything in, trying to tape it all back together.

“I know it’s not sweetheart… The last thing we want is to hurt you…” You didn’t miss the ‘we’. You didn’t miss how he included himself in that equation at all.

And for some reason, your chest filled with warmth at that, but you couldn’t contain the dam anymore. You really couldn’t, and Eddie’s eyes almost widened when more tears slipped down your face, uncontrollably so. The last time he saw you cry he had to hold back, almost painfully, in order to not go after Hargrove to beat his face in.

He protects his friends. Just like he punched that guy that tried flirting with Jonathan and groped him without consent. Like the girl that said nasty things to Robin at school and he dumped his drink all over her head. Like when he punched Steve’s father square in the face when he went to his house uninvited, only to see his father slapping Steve across the face after Steve came out as Bisexual.

He will always protect them, and now, you are included in that.

“I–” You had to snap your eyes shut as memories with Henry started coming back to your head, mixing up with the ones you have with Billy. You clenched your eyelids together as the memories turned painful with your resolve, with your heart. Eddie’s eyes twitched as he scooted closer to you but not touching you, even if he wanted to wrap his arms around you.

“You can do it, sweetheart.”

And you finally let that sob out of your throat. That lump that you swallowed many times during the night, the lump of words that needed to be thrown out of your lips but did not have the bravery to do so. And once that sob was out, many more came out after, tears falling even when your eyes were shut.

He didn’t interrupt your tears, your sobbing, your crying. He didn’t interrupt you even when he thought you were running out of air, he just let you cry without invading your space. He let you finally break down in peace, in a safe place, and he is joyful that you find that safe place with him. He knows you are not being evil to Robin, he just knows how to read people and he knows what they sometimes need to hear.

You knew your face was a mess, your eyes were red, your nose was snotty, but you couldn’t help it. You were letting out feelings that you held in for the past two weeks. Feelings that you pushed to the back of your head because you didn’t even want to think about it, you didn’t even want to say them out loud, but they were a great fear.

“I–” It was hard to talk, but you needed to do so. You needed to talk, to voice those fears out, to say what you are thinking, to say what you desire and what you are afraid of. Eddie noticed now that you were breathing irregularly, and even if he wanted to leave you alone, he didn’t want you to choke.

“Peach, I need you to calm down, slowly, you are choking on your breaths.” He now pressed a hand on your back, and you felt yourself feel lighter for some reason. Your sobs kept coming out as you took deep breaths in, but he was patient with you, guiding you every time you failed to take a long breath.

You might have stayed like that for a whole twenty minutes but he never stopped rubbing your back, coaxing you into breathing, but he wasn’t making you stop crying. He wanted you to keep doing that but needed you to breathe properly.

Your chest started going up and down slower and slower as time passed, a few sobs came out here and there, but the tears never stopped in quantity. They were waterfalls, just coming down and down, but you no longer cared. You didn’t.

And then Eddie finally saw your eyes again as you opened them. They were red, and glossy, your eyebrows were knitted together in the center of your forehead, and he noticed the pain that was being held inside of you. The grip on your back was a little harder now, but he reminded himself that he had to be gentle now, to push his own anger aside.

You looked out in the distance, and your throat was burning from all the sobbing, from all the crying, from holding that lump for so long, but it felt amazing. It felt as if a weight was lifted off your shoulders, of your head, of your body. But the weight in your heart was still there, and the only way to lift it–

“I’m scared…”

And Eddie’s ears perked up.

“What are you scared of?” And you took a deep breath in, and you finally opened your heart.

“All my life… I’ve always wanted kids. One, two… Maybe three.” A small smile appeared on your lips as you talked. “I know it’s cliché, but–”

“It’s not. It’s your dream.” Your eyes found his with surprise in them and he was looking back at you with an intense gaze you never saw from him before. You gave him a small nod and looked back down to your lap to continue.

“When I got together with Henry and when I got married… I was so happy, so excited. I told my mom how I couldn’t wait to start a family. Henry told me he wanted it too, that he always dreamt of being a dad.”

You cleared your throat as you felt another lump coming out thanks to the memories of Henry telling you all about the plans he wanted for his kids. Your mind was off again, lost in thoughts, and Eddie needed to get you out of there.

“He wanted kids like you…” Eddie pushed and you snapped back into conversation again, noticing you had stopped talking.

“Yes… He wanted them… Just not with me, it seems.”

Eddie’s free hand turned into a tight fist, veins popping out from the strength. He can’t do anything about it, it was your past, it was done with, but the anger wasn’t any less. He really wanted to kill that man. He just wanted to rip his head off.

“Peach–”

“And… with Billy– When I told him about this… He didn’t back away. He told me he wasn’t ready now, but that the idea didn’t scare him. That he always wanted…” A giggle escaped your lips as you remembered something and Eddie’s eyebrow raised up.

“What?” He was a little worried about your change in emotions, but maybe it was necessary for you.

“He told me he always wanted to name a kid of his, Eustace.” At that Eddie snorted, putting his free hand over his mouth as he shook his head.

“Okay, that is a horrible name. Poor kid.” He laughed and you didn’t hold back the giggle which turned into a sad frown as you tried to keep the sob in your throat.

“Yeah…” Your eyes drifted down to your lap, and you noticed how you were fiddling with your fingers, trying to keep yourself moving in some way. You felt your stomach in a strange amount of knots, almost making you feel sick. “But now, I’m no longer with him.”

“Peach–”

“What if I never reach that dream of mine Eddie?” You were fully looking at him now, and his eyes almost widened at the fear he saw behind yours. Fresh tears slipped down your eyes as you shook your head at him. “What if it never happens for me?”

Eddie was speechless. He never expected to see you afraid of anything, much less about your own dreams and convictions. He was staring at you as you kept looking at him, letting him finally see the pains and the fears that always plagued your head, finally voicing out what you’ve been afraid of doing for the past weeks, for the past year.

“Sweetheart, I’m sure it will happen, you are young–”

“And what if it doesn’t? What if I get screwed over again and again?” You knew you sounded crazy but the what-ifs always tortured your mind. They were always like little knives trying to dive themselves into your scalp, twisting in order to get to your brain.

“You don’t know that.” Eddie’s eyebrows pulled together in the center, slowly centering in the problem, realizing that… you had a reason to be scared.

“But what if!? I can’t�� I won’t ever have children! And I don’t want to marry someone for the sake of it, I really don’t!” A sob escaped your lips, but you didn’t mind as you kept talking, “I can’t adopt on my own either because this fucking world sucks! Everything just fucking sucks Eddie!”

And Eddie broke, his arms wrapping around your frame to pull you into him, your bodies twisting in order to face each other, but not uncomfortably. You welcomed the hug, your mind no longer in defense mode. There was no fortress now, the dam was broken, the armor you put on for the past year crumbled completely.

One of his arms was wrapped on your shoulders to pull you into his chest, while the other stayed over your arm. Your hands went around his waist and found grip on his back, your face squashed in his chest while his chin rested at the top of your head.

And you cried.

And Eddie held you.

And you cried some more.

And Eddie never complained.

And you both had no idea how long you’ve held one another. You didn’t realize either how your cries made Robin and Steve sober up slightly and stand in alert at the door of your balcony while Eddie looked at them with a pained look in his eyes. You didn’t notice when Eddie shook his head towards them so they wouldn’t scare you away, so they wouldn’t stop you from crying.

Why with Eddie? Why did you break with him? How did he even manage to do it? Robin is going to be pissed at you again, and your mind was being evil to you because Robin was far from angry when she saw Eddie hugging you just now. She was relieved. She was relieved that she was hearing you cry.

You felt Eddie’s hand going up and down your arm, trying to calm you down, and your nails were digging into his waist, his hips, his back, trying to put your feet back into the ground, and he didn’t care. The pain that your nails caused him, he knew it couldn’t compare to what you were feeling right now. The fear, the sadness, the hopelessness of never getting what you most desire.

That is something he knows perfectly well. For he has his own that he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get.

After a while your shoulders stopped shaking, your grip softened, and Eddie knew his shirt was drenched, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. Who would have thought the woman he couldn’t stand months ago was now crying onto his chest as if the world was going to end and she had tons of regrets about things she didn’t fulfill.

You slowly pulled away from him and quickly wiped your face because you knew all your makeup was smudged. You must look like a mess but there was no energy in you to be embarrassed about this.

But fuck if it didn’t feel good.

You felt lighter than ever. Way lighter than when you were with Billy even. A fear that had settled deep into your stomach and you never voiced it out for him. You sniffled and stared down at your lap, your breaths still coming out like sighs out of your mouth.

You felt his bent index finger rest below your chin and he raised your head so he could look at your face. Your pupils clashed with his and your stomach did a jump. Just one jumpy knot. Your eyes were puffy already, your lips were still trembling, and you were sniffling nonstop, but Eddie didn’t look disgusted or thrown off. He looked calm, yet you could feel a certain empathy, a certain understanding from how he was looking at you as if he was saying a silent ‘I know how you feel.’

“You’re still young, we all are, and you don’t know what the future holds, so being afraid of it is useless and fruitless.”

And your eyes were looking into his, and you could see how he was always trying to be strong too, even when he knew what the future held for him and his uncle. You realized that Eddie had it worse than you… because he knew. He knows how it will end, and he is the one telling you to not think about your uncertain future.

“I’m sorry…”

It came out of your lips naturally, feeling selfish again for not realizing sooner how your words might affect him. He only gave you a small smile and with his thumb, he wiped one of your cheeks from the stains of your tears.

“Nothing to be sorry for Peach. It’s normal to have fears… but you gotta let life give you some surprises, okay?” Eddie replied softly, and you felt calm in his voice, in his touch and you only wanted to rest against his shoulder because tiredness was slowly consuming you. He seemed to notice and he rested his back against the couch and patted his shoulder for you to rest on him.

You couldn’t bother to feel ashamed, bothered, embarrassed, you needed the cuddle, the snuggle, the touch. You needed to feel warmth again, to feel care from someone towards you, from someone wanting to make you feel better, to console you.

You don’t even remember when you fell asleep.

It wasn’t until the next day that you were in bed, waking up groggily still in the same clothes from yesterday night that you realized you slept the night away and you didn’t even flinch when Eddie or Steve moved you to your bed.

You groaned as you got up from the bed, feeling your throat as dry as a desert, only to almost fall to the ground when your foot hit something on the floor. You looked down with a gasp to see Robin sleeping with her mouth wide open and the spare futon under her. You contained a giggle as you tiptoed to your desk and got a marker out.

You kneeled down next to your best friend’s head and you slowly drew a mustache at the top of her lip. You smiled at your work of art and straightened up in order to go to your kitchen, only to stop in your tracks when you saw Steve sleeping on your living room couch and then Eddie…

He brought the balcony couch inside to sleep in.

Your features softened at seeing his sleeping face, soft breaths coming out from in between his lips, blocking Steve’s loud snores away. He could have gone home instead of sleeping cramped and uncomfortable on your small couch. He stayed despite that and is sleeping soundly in your living room.

Your heart gave one thump. Two thumps. Maybe three.

An hour later you were making some breakfast. You took your time to go down to the street and go to the small market in the corner to get some eggs and milk in order to make some waffles in your waffle maker. You got some syrup and powdered sugar, then blueberries and some bananas.

It seems the smell of food woke Robin up, as always, and you heard her walking out of the room groggily but with a pleasant voice coming out of her mouth.

“Mmm, that smells so–”

And you turned around just in time as she cracked up in laughter, pointing at Steve’s face. Steve jolted awake, shooting up on the couch with his hair completely disheveled, only to then start laughing as well as he saw Robin’s face.

“What the fuck is that!?”

“Me!? What the fuck is on your face Harrington!?”

“Can the both of you shut the fuck up?” The last voice said in a really gruff tone that if it weren’t for the situation at hand, your knees would have buckled. Steve and Robin turned to look at Eddie only to snort loudly and then laugh even louder than before, making Eddie raise an eyebrow of his.

“Dude, your fucking face–” Steve choked out and then he immediately shut up, face falling. He rushed to get up and run to the mirror that was in a column of your living room. He yelled when he saw that all of his freckles were now connected all over his face and neck, like a constellation of some sort, a few childish stars drawn here and there.

Eddie’s eyes widened when he saw Robin’s mustache and got up as well, rushing to the mirror alongside her to check himself out. He had small horns on his forehead and his eyebrows were filled and put in the shape of an angered frown. He straightened up and your three friends turned to look at you as you started whistling while turning your waffle maker.

“Does anyone want waffles?”

At the lack of response, you slowly turned around to find Eddie already towering over you and you choked on a snort, closing your mouth tightly because he just looked like a cartoon right now.

“You think it’s funny?”

“A little.” At your response, Eddie gave a nod.

“Steve, Robin. Pin her down.”

You ended up having your face drawn on. Your forehead had a small crown at the corner, your cheeks had two hearts and for good measure, Eddie put his own touch to it all and drew a dick in the corner of your mouth.

And you all ate waffles with drawings on your faces.

End of chapter 14

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Taglist is closed! I will start deleting people that do not interact with my posts.

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pamgkrthwrites · 1 year ago

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Touched : Chapter 2 : Waiting

Warning, the following content is for an 18+ audience. If you are under the age of 18 do not read the content below. The following content has themes such as; Angst, Sexual Harassment if you squint, and others. The character(s) depicted within this post are over the age of 20. (This list may get updated with each new Chapter Update)

Support me on Ko-Fi | Sign Up to the Tag List | Masterlist | AO3 Listing

Fandom: BNHA

Pairing: Bakugou x F!Reader

Themes: Soulmates, Porn with Plot (This list may get updated with each new chapter update)

Summary: Bakugou loves being close to you.

Word Count: 3503

Tag List: @tjmaxx556 @cosmicbreathe @lavender99 @optimisticprime3

A/N: Thank you again to my beta readers "Huntress" and "Ribbon". And thank you Huntress for "approving" this chapter LMFAO

“Good morning, L/N.”

“Good morning, sir.” You smiled weakly at Best Jeanist, trying to ignore the soreness you still felt between your thighs from the night before.

You came to the conclusion that their session last night was more passionate or eager than usual. You didn’t know why or what triggered it, but it must’ve been someone amazing if they broke their side of the unspoken agreement.

Which though saddened by it, you understood it was going to happen.

“You have everything ready?” Hakamada asked, slightly leaning down to better look into your eyes.

You nodded. “I made a PowerPoint last night so you can properly visualise what I mean.”

“Sounds good.” He nods. “Bakugou should be here any moment. He had to deal with some villains on the way here.”

“That’s fine.” You brushed the issue aside. “We can get started when you are both ready, I really don’t mind.”

Best Jeanist looked at your face, thinking deeply. “I think you will be able to handle him if you are able to be patient with him, but I do wonder if you’ll be able to deal with his emotional outbursts.”

You silently cringed, remembering reading a few articles where he yelled at a certain journalist. No one knew the reason why as the guy seemed to keep his mouth shut about it, but the image of Bakugou looming over the reporter and pointing a finger in the guy’s face wasn’t something people were going to forget easily.

Maybe that was something you could bring up too…

“I’m sure I’ll figure him out, Hakamada.”You reassured him. “I won’t be leaving his job anytime soon.”

Best Jeanist watched you, clearly thinking. “You’re not one of those Dynamight fans, are you?”

You let out a short laugh. “No no. I just decided to make the move here because of some personal reasons.”

“Ah.” Is all Best Jeanist would reply with, understanding to drop the topic.

It wasn’t long until Bakugou did finally stepped onto the floor level out of the elevator. His hero mask was pushed up above his hairline, showing his forehead. His eyes almost immediately landed on you, as if searching for something on your face.

When he couldn’t find the answer, he turned to Best Jeanist. “Has the meeting happened yet?” Bakugou asked, his deep voice sending a shiver down your spine.

“No, Bakugou. We were waiting for you.” Best Jeanist answered.

Bakugou stiffened. Did he try to skip this meeting on purpose?

“I’ll do my best to make it as quick as possible.” You reassured Bakugou.

Bakugou gave you a look, it wasn’t one of anger or happiness. You couldn’t really read what was on his face, but you knew it wasn’t anger or delight. Whatever it was, it was something that was haunting him.

“Let’s get started then.” Best Jeanist noted as he walked you two into his office where his main secretary was waiting.

The three of them got comfortable in chairs as you pulled up your PowerPoint. You took one last deep breath in to get any lasting nerves out of your system before you began.

“First, I think it would be best if we limit how much access Bakugou has to the Dynamight social media.”

Bakugou froze before quickly his eyebrow started twitching. “What?”

“The Dynamight Twitter is known for ‘going off’ at random people or on topics, so I think it would be a wise choice if I were at least approve of his tweets before he sent them out.”

Bakugou’s eye twitched. “You kidding, right? I ain’t getting my stuff approved.”

“Then we can limit your access altogether and have it as only a brand account.” You counted him, tilting your head slightly.

Bakugou’s eye twitched some more and he started to form an angered expression.

“I think that is a good idea.” Best Jeanist said which resulted in Bakugou snapping his head to him.

“So what? I’m expected to pass by every single post by her?” Bakugou barked out, grinding his teeth.

“Yes.” You answered him.

Bakugou glared at you, his eye twitching. It seemed as if he was expecting this meeting to go one way and not what you were suggesting.

He turned to Best Jeanist’s assistant to see what their opinion was, but they also seemed to have agreed.

Three against one.

Bakugou turned back to you, staring into your eyes with an angry expression as if he was searching for something. He couldn’t find his answer, making him grumble and sitting back in his chair with his arms crossed.

“Fine, I’ll get my posts approved.”

“Thank you.” You said, startling him again. You moved on to the next slide. “We should limit the interviews Bakugou has.”

Bakugou slammed his fist on the table, making a loud bang sound that echoed throughout the room. “What?!”

“Bakugou, calm down.” Best Jeanist sighed. “Could you please explain your logic, L/N?”

“Certainly.” You then clicked on the slide that ended up showing a few graphs. “This graph represents the public’s reaction to Dynamight’s interviews, this one represents Dynamight’s overall fans' reactions, while this final one shows his fan girls' reactions all to interviews that are considered positive. The graphs below them are the same but how do those people react to considered negative interviews.”

Bakugou’s eyes stared at the graphs before sighing and sitting back in his chair, the anger leaving his body.

It was clear from the graphs that he was able to hold and gain fans with the ‘positive’ interviews than the negative ones. The positive ones were interviews replanned and ones he didn’t storm out of.

“If we cater the interviews for Bakugou so he has very few interviews, I think it would lower his chances of outbursts in his interviews and would allow him to have more control over the interviews and fanbase.” You ended that point off, feeling quite confident considering Bakugou’s body language being more relaxed now.

Though it was clear he didn’t like the idea, but given the amount of research you put into this point was proving to him that your point wasn’t baseless. He wasn’t going to change himself for interviews, that much was obvious. So instead of Bakugou changing the interview, you would have to change the interview.

Bakugou had been in different types of interviews, and though some caused more of his temper-raged reactions than others, it was still the interview itself causing the issue. Therefore, the only solution was to remove interviews from the equation. The problem with that is now fans won’t be able to see their favourite hero, that’s what interviews were good for.

So, limit the amount of interviews he goes to which will lower the chances of how many outbursts he gets from said interviews. Instead of three bad interviews that happened after he took down a villain out of twelve in one week, he could have one bad interview after only having twelve in one year.

The main thing though that tipped Bakugou over to agree was just the sassy little know-it-all tone you had in your voice. The way you were holding yourself up and standing as if you owned the office. Bakugou was trying his damn hardest not to stare at your hips or thighs cause holy fucking shit he wanted to so bad be in between those-

“The last thing I want to suggest is more photoshoots.” Your voice broke Bakugou's train of thought.

You saw Bakugou’s blonde eyebrow narrow and scrunch. “No.” Bakugou said with a slight growl.

“It would help hold your fan girls-”

“I said no.”

You let out a silent sigh. Bakugou wasn’t going to budge and you could feel it with the tension that was filling the room. Maybe in the future, you could try to have him agree to have photoshoots for the Dynamight merch. You tried to imagine him in some Dynamight merch and come up with an idea, but the image of Bakugou in baggy jeans and a tight compressed black shirt sends a wave of lust down to your core.

Bakugou takes a sudden and noticeable sharp breath in before raising an eyebrow at you, as if he could tell you just had a fantasy wash into your mind. It left you confused admittedly.

Regardless, you quickly shut down that image within your head. “Alright, we won’t do that.” You said, closing that option for Bakugou.

Best Jeanist tapped a finger on his knee. “Is that all, L/N?” He asked.

“Yes, those were my ideas to at least help with the Dynamight PR.” You answered him.

Your job was going mostly answering emails, helping with paperwork, answering phone calls, and making sure Bakugou got to appointments on time. Yeah sure you were going to have to manage him and you now having access to your social media to make sure his PR stays in check will be helpful, but that wasn’t what assistants or secretaries do.

The only reason why you needed to ‘prove’ yourself and have these ideas at the ready was not just to prove you were capital at your job, but also to show you could think on the spot. Because everyone knew how hard it was to work with Bakugou, and if you couldn’t adapt then you weren’t going to get along easily with him.

At least his looks made him easy to look at.

At least to you.

You may not know the reason why Bakugou didn’t want to do photoshoots, but you tell by how Best Jeanist merely glanced at Bakugou and seemed to brush off Bakugou’s reaction told you that he knew. If Best Jeanist knew then it was safe to say it was safe to just leave the topic there, even if you thought the idea would work out.

Best Jeanist stood up, making his assistant and Bakugou stand up in follow. “Then let’s leave it there. You know how to get around everything, right?”

“Of course.” You answered him, quickly gathering up your belongings.

“Good, just dive right in then.” He said before opening the door, encouraging you and Bakugou to leave his office.

You and Bakugou stood outside of Best Jeanist office and the man closed the door. You started walking towards where your two’s office was, making Bakugou quickly follow behind you with a slight thump to his step. He grumbled, with his upper lip twitching as he followed.

“I don’t like being the one following.” He barked.

“Then hurry up.” You sassed back at him with a slight smile.

Bakugou grumbled, fastening up his pace. “Don’t be sassy with me, L/N. You’ll regret it later.”

“Is that a threat?” You raised your eyebrow at him as you two reached your office door.

Once you open it and walk, Bakugou leans on the door frame, looking down at you with a look that sends a shiver down your spine and warmth rushing to your core. Your reaction makes Bakugou chuckle, and something about his chuckle makes a wet puddle start to form in your panties.

“You're really having that sort of reaction while we are at work?” He asks with a smirk.

“What are you talking about?” You ask him, sounding a bit frustrated not just because of the growing sexual tension on your end, but also because he wasn’t making any sense of anything.

He leaned closer to your face, where you could now feel his hot breath on the skin of your neck. You bit the inside of your mouth, trying to hold in your desire, but you could feel your soulmate’s desire rising too.

“You really don’t know?” He asked.

“Know what?” You barked back, trying to keep on top of your sexual desires right now.

“Hm.” Bakugou let out before walking into your office, closing and locking the door behind him.

You stepped back until you reached your desk. You thought that you would be flooded with fear but no. Instead, the feeling of lust and desire seemed to have been rushing throughout your entire body.

The way Bakugou stalked closer to you, the way his hero suit gripped his body to give you an outline of your abs and chest, the way his biceps seemed to pulse as he caged you to your desk. Your lungs were filled with lust for Bakugou at this very moment, making you look up at him weakly through your lashes.

What made your sexual want- no… Your sexual need for Bakugou so much harder was that you could feel your soulmate’s lust in return, sexual urge and need for something you had no way of knowing. You could feel it was driving them insane, and you could feel your soulmate’s boner through the soulmate bond.

Then you felt Bakugou’s boner on your thigh.

You also felt through the soulmate bond that your’s soulmate’s cock was touching someone’s thigh.

Bakugou was…

Bakugou was your soulmate.

Bakugou must’ve seen something in your face that gave it away to him, because now he had a knowing grin on his face as he leaned closer. Your noses almost touching and his hot breath on your lips.

“You figured it out now, Y/N?” He asked.

Your name felt so right coming off his tongue, it felt like sweet honey dripping into your ears. Your body felt the desire to touch him, kiss him, hold him, be under him.

You gulped, trying to hold back your natural desire for him while you were still at work at the very least.

“When did you figure it out?” You asked him weakly.

“When you were leaving work.” He answered truthfully. “I’ve never had a physical attraction for anyone before and yet when I saw you it was instant luring. It only hit me when you were talking away, my attention all on your ass.”

You breathe in sharply and deeply as Bakugou’s head lowers to your neck. Another spark of arousal as he starts to softly kiss your neck. You know he’s holding back because of the soulmate bond, and you know he can feel your enjoyment through the soulmate bond.

You softly pushed your hands onto his chest to push him off. Bakugou regretfully obeys your wishes, pulling away from you.

He looks down at you with eyes you cannot read. He scoffs and looks away. “Right, I forgot for a second there.”

Without giving you a chance to explain yourself, you watch him turn around and leave your office, closing the door harshly behind himself.

Your heart felt as if it was squeezing and every drop of blood from your heart was leaking throughout yout body. It genuinely felt worse then when you broke up with your ex or found out he was cheating on you. You weren’t rejected by your soulmate, but more it felt awful that you hurt him somehow.

Probably because of not waiting for him and having not just a relationship before you met him, but you had sex with that person before you met him.

You felt gross. You felt disgusted with yourself.

You took a deep breath in and then out again. There wasn’t anything you could do about the situation. You can’t try to find a new job so quickly after getting this one, plus you need the money until you are properly settled.

Shit how were you going to tell your parents?

You took a deep breath in, held it, and then let go.

You can deal with that when you get home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You groaned slightly as you left your office with your bag on your shoulder. You made your way to lift, though you could hear his footsteps approaching you at a fast pace.

“Sneaking off, are we?” Through his angry grumbled tone, Bakugou's voice felt cold in your ears.

You felt your heart ping, silently wincing as you pressed the lift button. “It’s just time for me to head home is all.”

You didn’t see his face but you could feel his glare at the back of your head. “...Right.”

You walked into the lift, and so did Bakugou. You tried to keep your eyes off of him but knew that even if his body was also facing towards the door his eyes were glued onto you.

After the doors closed and after the lift started moving, you heard the tapping of his foot. You quickly glanced at him, which seemed to give him permission to speak.

“Who is the bastard then?” He asked.

You blinked. “Pardon?”

“5 and a third inches you’ve fucked for 2 years. Who is he?”

You felt blood rush to your cheeks. You quickly looked away as your hands fiddled with your bag.

Bakugou didn’t seem to like that reaction, scoffing.

“... I broke up with him once I got the job here…” You finally answered Bakugou with a weak voice.

Bakugou seemed to be less tense from that answer, though he still clearly wasn’t happy. “Couldn’t do long distance or was he a distraction?”

You bit the inside of your mouth, taking a breath in before answering him. “He cheated on me.”

Bakugou fell silcent. You expect him to say something rude or hurtful, but instead, he was just silent. He turned away and crossed his arms, one of his fingers tapping on one of his biceps.

“That must’ve been difficult.” Is all he said.

He wasn’t being rude or hurtful or pushing you down. He didn’t say ‘That’s what you get for not waiting’. Though, he clearly wasn’t thrilled about it either. Even if he had been angry you had slept with someone else, you were still his soulmate. He may not be able to feel your emotions or write to you on his skin, but there was still some connection between you two.

“...It’s actually why I moved here.” You broke the silence. “I didn’t want anyone or him to know I found out, so I found a job far away from him and used that as an excuse.”

Bakugou’s tapping stop, thinking. “...Guess there is one thing to be grateful I guess.” Bakugou mumbled quietly to himself.

Though selfish, Bakugou was happy you weren’t going to sleep with someone else anymore. He hated how it felt, how it felt feeling someone else thrust into you. It was the most disgusting feeling he had ever felt. You enjoying someone else’s cock and he had to feel it, the whole way through.

But looking down at you and seeing the sadness in your eyes?

He didn’t know you, all he knew was the bond that made you two connect. He sighed, running his hand through his hair. He might not have liked the situation but you were still his soulmate. You two were tied together by the fates themselves, and if there was going to be anyone to see you naked again it was going to be him.

“...I’ll walk you home.” Bakugou stated.

You looked up at him with a surprised look. “What? No you don’t have to-”

“I said I’ll walk you home.” Bakugou’s sounded deep and husky, making you quiet your voice.

Bakugou wasn’t asking, you could tell by how his back was straight, his voice booming against the elevator walls and how his eyes looked at you.

You self small - and submissive - under his eyes.

Under his glare.

You looked away and forced yourself not to get horny again, thinking about something that happened to you as a kid that still makes you angry. When you got aroused in the past, you knew your soulmate could feel it but you didn’t know their reactions. They were just a faceless person who you’d maybe meet one day.

But now you knew who it was, it was Bakugou. Practically your boss, had a known temper, and was standing right next to you.

And fuck it he looked hot too!

You took a deep breath in and kept your eyes on the elevator door, trying to keep yourself distracted from his cologne. His presence was becoming overwhelming. You couldn’t help but wonder if this reaction was because you now knew, because of your soulmate bond, or you genuinely found him attractive.

You felt warm breath on your ear, making you shiver. You look up at Bakugou, seeing his face so close to yours now. Your eyes went to the right side of his face where the explosion scar was imprinted on his beautiful face.

“I know because of the nature of our soul bond, we will have a hard time holding back our desires for each other.” Bakugou whispered into your ear while trailing a hand up your back. “But, if you can hold it in until we get to your place, I’ll reward your patience.”

You felt your face grow out and a pool of wetness form in your panties. Your mind couldn’t help but wonder what this reward would be. Bakugou - as if he could read your mind - chuckles.

“I told you to be patient.”

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #soulmate #soulmate au #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #x reader

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unhappycylinder · 1 year ago

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Gonna Be Trouble (Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Fem!Reader) Pt. 8

wc: 3.3k

Warnings: Jake being an idiot, cursing, Gabby and Rooster being adorable,

Series Masterlist

“Gabby I just don’t know what to do,” you sobbed into the phone, “I know he said that stuff to push me away, I know it's not how he really feels, but what kind of person can say that to someone they love? He probably doesn’t even love me…”

“Y/n don’t say that,” Gabby’s comforting voice brought more tears to your eyes, “you know he loves you, we all do, but you gotta remember its Hangman we’re talking about. He doesn’t know how to love someone this much. He’s from Texas, he doesn’t know how to have feelings.”

You laughed, wiping away your tears that had pooled in the crease of your nose, “very fair.”

“I’m so sorry he did this…” Gabby stuttered, “I have no idea why. We talked to him just the same day he called you, like literally hours before, and he told Rooster that he believed in you guys…”

That only made you sob harder, “then which one is it?” You coughed, the emotions overloading you to the point you thought you might throw up.

“Sweetheart oh my god,” Gabby’s heart broke for you, and her blood ran cold thinking of Hangman and how he could hurt you like this, “I don’t think you should be alone right now”

“There’s nothing I can do about that Gabby. It’s a long weekend, I have no friends here who know anything about my personal life, I have no money to go anywhere, I’m stuck,” you ranted to her.

“Alright then I’m flying you down”

“What?” You squeaked, “Gabby you’re not doing that”

“Yeah I am,” she pulled out a computer and started typing, you just stared at her dumbfounded over the phone, “send me your TSA number honey, we’re getting you out of there”

“Gabby,” you ran your hands over your forehead, “a flight to San Diego would be like $400 this last minute, it's ridiculous. I’ll be fine, I’m not-”

“Y/n just hush. You’re my best friend, you need support, and I need to see you. Plus, my husband’s in the military, I get flight discounts, and I have access to his credit card and he’s gonna be away at sea so who’s gonna know”

“You’ve got this deployment thing down don’t you,” you laughed at her

“We’ve only been married a few months but I’ve been with this idiot for years, and not once has he questioned why thousands of dollars leave his bank account every time he goes away. Honestly I don’t think he’s smart enough to remember how much money he had before he left…” She rambled while she booked your flight, “Can you be at the airport at 6 tomorrow? Direct flight to San Diego at 8:30…Roo and I can pick you up?”

“Gabby, I mean this sincerely, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” you smiled at her,

“Suffer…probably,” she giggled, making you laugh too.

“Thank you Gabby, you’re the best”

“I know I am,” she flipped her hair, “anyway I gotta go soak up some Rooster time before he leaves for forever…”

You giggled, “I don’t want to know details…I’ll see you tomorrow, love you!”

“Love you more, go get some sleep, and don’t forget about your flight please!”

You blew her a kiss before hanging up. Luckily, the emotions from Jake’s phone call had drained you for the day, and you fell asleep pretty easily after the talk with Gabby. After all, you had a flight to catch in the morning.

—

“You better give me a big hug right now,” Gabby said as she walked towards you, arms wide open, as you exited the airport and the warm California air hit your face. Your lip quivered at the sight of your best friend, your tired arm threatening to drop your duffel bag as you embraced her and let your tears flow.

“You’re okay sweetie, you’re here now,” Gabby comforted you as she ran her fingers through your hair

“You have no idea how much this means to me,” you sobbed out, “I’m so happy to be here”

“Awww, I know,” she pulled away and grabbed your face, the widest smile across hers.

“Ladies, this is cute and all,” Rooster yelled from the car, “but this is 5 minute parking and this pilot isn’t looking to get banned from the airport anytime soon…”

“Oh calm down pendejo,” Gabby grabbed your bag from you and threw it into the trunk of the car.

Sliding into the back seat of the car, you caught Rooster’s apologetic gaze through the rear view mirror, the sorrow in his eyes nearly making you break down again.

“Still haven’t heard anything from Hangman?” He asked, the bronco slowly moving out of the line of cars waiting to pick up passengers.

“Ay!” Gabby exclaimed, slapping the back of his head.

“What?” Rooster threw a hand up in defense, hunching over the steering wheel to avoid his wife’s swing.

“Why the fuck would you ask that?” Gabby hissed before turning around to face you, “I’m sorry honey, Mexico did a number on his brain apparently,” she joked as she muttered curses in Spanish to herself. Gabby and Rooster had just returned from a short but sweet honeymoon in Mexico, of which you heard many….maybe too many…intimate tales.

“It’s okay,” you sighed, “um I haven’t heard from him.”

Gabby and Rooster shared a knowing glance.

“Not to keep making you guys play middleman but…have you heard anything?”

“Um…” they both said in unison while staring at each other.

“You can tell me, guys, I’m pretty sure I’d rather know than not.”

Rooster sighed before turning to his wife, who then turned back around to face you.

“I wasn’t gonna tell you this cause I didn’t want you to get anxious,”

Too late, you thought to yourself.

“Jake knows you’re here…”

“Oh?” You felt a punch in your gut, the feeling of anxiety creeping into your throat as Gabby watched you process, “does he-”

“It doesn’t matter what he wants,” Gabby placed her hand on your knee, “you’re here to relax, not appease him. We’ll answer any questions you have of course, but I want you to spend this weekend how you want to, no matter what, okay?”

You sighed, questions and concerns filling your mind, “Okay,” you shook your head. Relaxing was probably the last thing you could do right now.

—

“I think I need to see him,” you muttered as Gabby helped you put your toiletries away in the guest bathroom.

Gabby sighed, “okay, whatever you want, but do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“I don’t know, is it? Did he say anything about wanting to see me?” You reclined against the bathroom counter, arms folding across your chest.

“Of course he did, Y/n, he feels like shit for breaking up with you, I know he regrets it. Rooster said his flying’s been off the past couple days, says he’s been extra dangerous, whatever that means.”

“Shit,” you panicked at the thought of him burning in, “yeah I need to talk to him”

“I’ll call him then, let him know to come by?” Gabby asked, waiting for you to decide where you wanted to meet him.

“I think I’ll just walk to his place,” you said mindlessly.

“Babe that's like a mile from here, why would you do that?”

“Give myself time to think of what to say? Time to abort the mission?” You sighed, leaving the bathroom to begin your pilgrimage to Jake’s.

“Alright, well, let me know if you need us to pick you up. I love you!”

“Love you too, wish me luck,” you yelled from the stairwell before departing.

—

Hovering your fist over Jake’s door, reality finally hit and anxiety flooded your body as you contemplated what the hell you were doing at Jake’s door three days before he deployed.

“Y/n what the fuck?” You whispered, fist returning to your side as you promptly marched down his driveway, praying he hadn’t noticed you there.

He had.

“Y/n?” A groggy voice muttered from behind you, the Texan drawl of the man you loved barely identifiable over your own whispers. Stopping dead in your tracks, the anxiety bubbled up once again and this time threatened tears from your eyes. With a deep breath you turned around to see him.

Jake stood shirtless in his doorway, grey sweatpants clinging to his hips, his hair spiked and disheveled. The home behind him was dark, no blinds open to let in the midday sun of San Diego, and likely no ventilation for the better part of the last couple days. His eyes blinked rapidly as he adjusted to the light, the hand not clasping the doorknob shielding his green orbs as he trailed up your figure.

“Hey,” you croaked, tears beginning to slowly track your cheekbones. You didn’t move at all, you stood static on his driveway, arms crossed in front of you in a shallow attempt to comfort yourself.

“Come in baby,” he said groggily, breaking your heart to hear him call you such a loving nickname in such a tender way. The tears grew more frequent as you shook your head and walked towards him, arms still crossed until you reached the doorway and stood mere inches from him.

He was impossible to read, but the one emotion you could identify was sympathy. Even Hangman, the hard-to-crack fighter pilot with confirmed kills, couldn’t stand to watch the woman who owned his heart stand in front of him shaking with sadness that he caused. You reached up to wipe away your tears, closing your eyes briefly, and just then you felt his strong arms around you. Jake pulled you close, nuzzling his face into your neck and stroking your back with his strong hands.

“I’m so sorry, Y/n, I’m so sorry baby,” he whispered into your hair. You cried harder, eliciting a grunt and sigh from him as the consequences of his actions finally caught up with his emotions.

“The things I said to you were-” he lifted up his head and stared upwards, searching for words, you remained nestled into his chest as you cried, “they were appalling. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything after Rooster told me you were here, I should have tried to see you. I just didn’t know what you’d want…”

“Jake-” you cut him off, peeling yourself off his bare chest to gaze into his eyes which were now also brimming with tears, “we need to talk about this stuff”

He nodded. You needed answers, he needed reassurance, talking was the only thing you could do. He let go of you and welcomed you into the house. Just as you had expected, he hadn’t opened a single window in the whole home, the air stagnant and dark, and the smell of dirty dishes beginning to creep through the building. You walked over to his couch, sitting down on the warm fabric that had obviously been the host of his body for the past couple days. He sat next to you, knees barely grazing yours as you sat in silence for a brief moment.

“Jake, do you remember what you told me on the beach at the beginning of the summer?”

“That I loved you?”

The past tense stung.“No, the part about you burning in, about what Phoenix was saying about you being safer…”

“Oh,” he glanced downwards, “yeah I do”

“Jake, you told me that you were flying safe because you were scared of losing me, that you were scared you’d miss out on our life, on our memories. You told me you wanted to see where we end up, and that our love motivated you to be a better pilot,” you fiddled with his fingers as you spoke, “and Rooster told me you haven’t been flying safe lately,” your throat choking up the more you thought of him being careless, “and I just don’t get why,” you finally sobbed.

The sound of your voice breaking finally brought Jake’s attention to you, concern and pity filling his eyes as he watched you struggle to explain yourself.

“I don’t get why you push me away. I don’t get why you tell me one thing and then do another. I don’t get why you put yourself in danger for no reason, why you put your career and your life on the line….to what? To prove some point?” Tears pooled on your cheeks while your eyes searched the room for some semblance of comfort. “The things you said when you broke up with me hurt, they hurt me to my core, but the thought of you throwing your life away out of spite hurts even more.”

Jake was speechless, his green eyes glassy under scrunched eyebrows as he finally felt the pain you had been enduring because of him.

“The life I want is the life I share with you. And I went into this relationship knowing distance and deployment and all that shit would be a factor. You did too. I’m prepared to go through anything for you…because I want those memories, Jake. I want to hold you and kiss you and dream of you while you’re gone. I want to move into your stupidly undecorated house on base when I graduate and be here for you every night when you come home,” you gestured to his bare walls, eliciting a small chuckle and nod from the hard-to-crack military man who had tears dropping from his eyes.

“God Jake the love I feel for you is endless. I gave you my heart, I gave you myself, don’t give those things back to me.” You stopped talking, the emotions overwhelming you to the point where you removed your hand from his and tucked your knees up in front of you, bundling yourself into a ball while Jake processed everything you said.

“I think…” he began, his eyes searching every part of the room except where you were, “I think we should take some time to think about all this,” he slowed down as he said the last few words.

Your tears dried up, shock overtaking the sadness. You didn’t expect this, you didn’t expect him to mean the things he said, to mean that he didn’t want to be with you.

“So you meant it?” You questioned, eyes finally meeting his.

“What?” He asked quietly

“You meant the things you said. The things about us? About me?”

“No, Y/n. I’m sorry for the things I said to you. They were hurtful and wrong and downright disrespectful. You’re a sweetheart and I’m sorry. I just mean I don’t think it's smart for us to jump into things right now, not with my deployment and your school.”

“What are you saying,” you cut him off.

“I think maybe we should just wait to date or something, til I’m back…”

“Jake,” your voice cracked, “I can’t do that,” you sobbed.

“You don’t think it's a good idea?” He asked earnestly.

“I’m gonna be waiting for you either way. I’d rather be waiting as your girlfriend than just some girl who's heartbroken and doesn’t even know if the man she loves loves her back.”

“You’re not some girl, Y/n, you’re my girl,” he rubbed your arm.

Shrugging him off as the confusion overwhelmed you, “no I’m not Jake. You broke up with me, you told me we should wait. Those don’t exactly go hand in hand with being ‘your girl,” you stood up to leave, he stared at you bewildered, “I’m leaving. You need to make up your mind, I’m tired of being confused about how you feel about me.”

You walked through the dark house to his door, opening it and letting the harsh California light hit the living room where he still sat on the couch, eyes never leaving your frame.

“Good luck on your deployment, Jake,” and with that you took one last look at him and left the house, closing the door behind him. As you walked away, you held out for the possibility that he would open the door and come running out with an apology. But he didn’t. You walked the whole way back to Gabby’s without a word…without an ounce of clarity…just confusion like you had never felt before.

—

The remainder of the weekend went by without a word from Jake. Occasional glances from Rooster after he got a text or got off the phone let you know that, per usual, you were the only person out of the loop when it came to your relationship issues. Nevertheless, going through this breakup without Gabby would have been impossible, and her support meant the world to you.

Monday came around and it was time for the pilots to leave. The debate of whether or not to go had lived in the back of your mind for the better part of the weekend, eating away at you when you tried to close your eyes. Ultimately, after lots and lots of thinking, you had decided not to go for multiple reasons. For one, it gave Gabby and Rooster time alone during a special moment…and it also gave you the upper hand over Hangman. Despite what he told you, you knew Jake, and you knew he’d expect you to be there to wave him off.

“You sure you don’t want to come, honey?” Rooster asked you as he walked by the couch where you reclined in their living room, dressed in his flight suit.

“Yeah I’m sure,” you sighed, sitting up to face him. “I know he’s gonna expect me to be there. And I want to be there for him…but I can’t let myself keep getting hurt. I can’t let him know that he can keep hurting me and I’ll come crawling back…”

“You know, as much as I love Jake, and as long as I’ve known him,” Rooster began, “I think you’re doing the right thing. You’re showing him you’re prioritizing yourself, which is important. He’s an asshole, he needs to be put in his place.”

“He is an asshole isn’t he,” you and Rooster laughed together.

“Alright honey,” Rooster ruffled your hair, the nickname he always called you by making you smile, “I’m outta here. I’ll keep my lips sealed to Jake for a bit, but you know how to reach me if you want me to tell him anything, okay?”

He grabbed his bags, “or if you just want to chat, I’d like that too.”

“Bradley!” Gabby’s piercing voice ran out from upstairs, “we’re gonna be late if you don’t hurry the fuck up!”

“Down here, baby!” He yelled back.

Gabby came running downstairs, “You’re ready before me?” She asked out of breath.

“Yeah?” Rooster said sassily, “why are you so shocked by that?”

You giggled at the couple, making Gabby sneer at you.

“Don’t you dare laugh with him,” she pointed at you, making you and Rooster laugh harder. She sighed before walking down and embracing her husband.

“You can’t wear this flight suit in the home, Brashdaw, otherwise you’ll be late to everything…” she flirted before kissing him, his hands gripping her hips.

“I love you, Gabby,” he kissed her again.

“Y'all are gonna make me throw up, go get on a boat or something Roo,” you pretended to gag as you got up from the couch.

“Bye Y/n,” Rooster said, letting go of Gabby briefly to give you a hug and kiss on the forehead, “don’t be a stranger”

“Back at ya.” you gave him a smile, “don’t like die or anything….Gabby would kill you”

Your friend laughed, giving you a brief nudge before opening the front door for Rooster. She shot you a quick wink before closing the door behind her, the sound of the bronco starting not long after.

And with that, you sat back down on the couch, left with your own thoughts and the slightest feeling of regret and worry beginning…what if you never got to say goodbye?

Taglist: @dempy @shanimallina87 @luckyladycreator2 @mightiestheroes @taytaylala12 @djs8891 @clancycucumber230

#jake 'hangman' seresin x reader #jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #top gun fic #top gun hangman #top gun #top gun maverick #hangman x reader

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not-poignant · 2 years ago

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I'm really enjoying A Stain! I was wondering if you could let us know some thoughts about Sebastian's perspective on Alex at the moment, because even though he's had a very low opinion of Alex, he still seems invested - checking up on him after the stiches, hanging out at Community Centre, being protective about his low pay. Is it guilt from his treatment of Alex after hearing Harvey at the funeral, fascination at the ways Alex has changed from HS, or a sense of responsibility from looking after Alex when he was attacked? (or a mix?) Is he developing an attraction to Alex at all? He clearly doesn't trust Alex and flips to being very cutting very quickly, and still sees himself as a bit of a victim to HS Alex without seeming to consider the impact of his own actions towards him. We can infer a lot from Alex's POV and Sebastian's reactions, but I'd love to hear any further thoughts you have on Sebastian as I think your thoughts are always very interesting and insightful on character psychology (if you're happy to share!). I'm loving the updates and looking forward to seeing how the story and relationship develop!

Hi hi anon,

I don't want to go into too much detail (I say...before launching into an epic amount of detail) because I want folks to learn more about Sebastian as the story goes on, but I will say that...

(Actually some of this stuff will sound a little Sebastian critical re: the story, so for people who just want to imagine that Sebastian feels all soft and guilty and concerned and just sometimes is really defensive, don't read below the Read More, lmao)

There's definitely an appeal to Sebastian in holding a certain amount of power over an old bully, after going through a divorce and experiencing other moments of powerlessness in his life. It's one of the reasons he still very much identifies Alex as being a bully (and keeps expecting it) and it's also why he's so quick to turn on a dime and become quite cutting.

I think beneath that, there are growing emotions of concern, alongside curiosity, re: the kind of person that Alex is. He definitely got invested in Alex's life not specifically because Alex got injured, but because Alex got injured by Martingale, which gave Sebastian a chance to kind of yell at his ex-husband, which he really wanted to do and hasn't really done otherwise lmao. Sebastian has motivations here that aren't entirely to do with Alex, and are also very connected to his history with Martingale, his need to re-establish himself as a powerful and secure figure in Stardew Valley (he is, right now, probably one of the top 3 most affluent people in the town, second to only Martingale and Mayor Lewis, and his coming back to Pelican Town was very much a 'fuck you, other people can achieve shit too' kind of moment, alongside genuinely missing aspects of the landscape and the mountain lake specifically).

It's tempting to interpret all of Sebastian's feelings and actions towards Alex as being a result of...well, Alex as he is now. But Sebastian's motivations re: Alex have been also very strongly influenced by Martingale's behaviours towards him, and Alex's bullying of him in the past, and frankly, Sebastian's inability to see himself or accurately situate himself in the context of being Alex's bully (both in the past and tbh, sometimes currently).

There is definitely increased attention towards present Alex, but it's come more as an afterthought. The thing he was most shaken by, that he continuously and conveniently forgets, is that Alex supported his grandparents on his own, without any help, for a long time. And he's frequently then shaken by Alex's general attitude towards himself, but he's making a lot of misfires and is miscommunicating a lot partly because it's very tempting to for him to see this as 'Alex once lorded it over me and now he's just some guy and I get to actually help him for once and have power over him and I don't even have to be a dickhead about it' lol.

I don't see Sebastian as a guy with high emotional intelligence - or it's more like...very intermittent emotional intelligence, he can be caring, but he sort of has to click into it, vs. it being there all the time. He's got a huge chip on his shoulder re: Demetrius and Martingale, and he's absolutely not worked through it and definitely slips into using Alex as a target for his issues. Sebastian has anger issues, he's a workaholic, and he has some growing to do as a person.

I don't think Sebastian feels responsible for him, tbh, I think he made that pretty clear when he dragged Alex to Martingale's against his will and against his consent, to make Martingale take responsibility for him. And after that, Sebastian was still completely reamed out by Harvey for literally putting his own needs before Alex's health. Sebastian acted in an extraordinarily selfish manner, in some ways, he got to show off his home and his amazing skills to Alex (who was actually in awe of Sebastian's home and his skills lmao), yell at his ex for being a douche balloon, show off his awesome fighting skills (which made Alex feel small and inadequate - there was definitely an uglier element of 'what have you done with yourself, Alex, when I can do this??'), and then basically go home and think about what he'd done.

I think after all of that he visited Alex more partly out of guilt, yeah, lmao. Harvey tearing him a new one definitely helped on the whole 'Alex is a human person with real feelings and not just a teenage bully who you get to show off to and use as a stand in for dealing with your real issues.'

But even his 'Mayor Lewis should be paying you more' didn't translate to him offering Alex the job, in fact he didn't want Alex to take the job. It was clearly a surprise to him that Alex suggested it, and he literally says 'you can't be my cleaner.' He thinks it over after that, but his first reaction isn't one of 'this would solve both of our problems.'

I think folks want to hear that Sebastian's really invested in Alex, but I honestly think that's still happening, and still growing within the narrative. I think it will become a lot more obvious once Sebastian becomes invested, though it's coming soon, it will still be through Sebastian's anger at other people (Martingale, Mayor Lewis, his family, etc.) Sebastian's slowness re: attaching to Alex was one of the reasons I needed to get Alex into Sebastian's house more often!

Also while I do think Sebastian objectively thinks Alex is attractive, he doesn't find Alex personally attractive. He's got the ability to go 'yeah I can see what other people see in him, but he's not for me.' He's blanked Alex as a possible sexual object / fantasy because of Alex's actions growing up, and the assumption that Alex is just an extreme homophobe and it's generally not good practice to like...cultivate attraction to your bullies and homophobes in your life, y'know? (Some people do, but most people if they feel it happen are like 'NOPE not gonna do tHAT.')

Alex's love is genuinely unrequited in the beginning of this story for that reason.

But yeah, like, there is some guilt in there for sure, and some concern, but I find it really interesting looking at Sebastian through the lens of 'he has something to prove in this town that he still hates for essentially fucking up a lot of his life,' and I find it really interesting that Alex is the safest target for Sebastian's anger at Demetrius and Martingale in particular. Sebastian's not super assertive (even within the game), because his parent/s have ignored his boundaries all his life around work, and he's faded into the background even as someone who lived in the basement of his own home and who was clearly overshadowed by Demetrius and his love and clear favouritism re: Maru.

So... you basically have two not assertive boys who grew up bullying each other because they both saw each other as safe targets. But Sebastian was the worse bully, and now is someone who sees himself as a victim not just of Alex's, but also Martingale's (to a point, that's complicated), Demetrius' and the town in general. I think it's going to be very satisfying at least personally when Sebastian realises he can be an absolute dickhead as much as anyone else, lol.

Er yeah, so... lots of rambling anon! The tl;dr of it all is that some of Sebastian's behaviours towards Alex are not wholly and sometimes not even mostly because of thoughts about Alex specifically. That's why there's been so much inconsistency between concern, guilt, compassion, bullying, meanness, spite, and more!

#asks and answers #a stain that won't dissolve #long post #thespectaclesofthor #sdv alex #sdv sebastian #for the record this isn't how i feel about alex and sebastian in general in the game?#this is very specific to the fic and things that have gone down #(except for me thinking that demetrius is an emotionally neglectful and emotionally immature father at BEST)

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starlightiing · 6 months ago

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I think we have to be careful of who from each driver to believe about the team instructions. It is not new for drivers to exaggerate or even twist the truth when talking to the media to make themselves look better or to discredit another driver. I'm not calling any them liars btw.

Simply put we don't even know how clear the instructions were given to each driver. We know Alpine isn't the best when it comes to communication between their drivers. Prime example is Japan GP 2023. Ocon knew one thing and Gasly knew another.

Another thing, this isn't the first time both drivers have said completely different things to the media, just in China, they both had very different statements on the value of the upgraded package.

This is a good point as well. And not even that one would lie over the other, sometimes interpretations are just different as well.

I think it's very hard to draw definitive conclusions with all that's circulating around. And it doesn't help when there are people making baseless, ridiculous claims on anon in other's ask boxes with no sources.

Personally, I believe them both. I think there was an order that was similar to what Pierre said it was, and I think it was misinterpreted, misinformed, or even simply Esteban seeing a chance, taking it, and grossly misjudging that opportunity (but not intentionally making an attack on Pierre, that part was entirely accidental). Supporting the other car is one thing, but if you can overtake your teammate safely and get additional points for the team (and selfishly a little more for yourself) wouldn't you? He just wasn't able to do it safely. Grossly misjudged.

Intention means a lot...and I don't think the intention was there to cause Pierre any grief. Esteban fucked up, he made a huge mistake, and he's more than paid for it (and would have more than paid for it alone on that crazy penalty for Canada).

At the end of the day, thankfully, Pierre still got his point. Esteban knocked himself out of the race and got a huge penalty and a big slap from Alpine. What more could anyone actually want from that?

Esteban and Pierre may not like each other but every incident they have together doesn't have to be an attack on the other's life. Esteban saying he follows team orders isn't calling Pierre a liar. Esteban saying "Pierre is a liar" would be him calling Pierre a liar.

I think people forget just how human these guys are - which is, by the way, just as human as the rest of us. We make mistakes. Especially when your heart rate is jacked to high hell in a hot, cramped car going at speeds most people can only ever dream of achieving in one of the most prestigious and competitive sports in the world.

It's so easy to judge, I guess, when you're not the one in that situation. (And this goes for everyone attacking Pierre for his onboard response as well. Again, I reiterate. From his POV all he sees is Esteban coming in to make an incredibly bold move on him and now there's damage to both cars. In a spot where Pierre is in the points for the first time this season and fighting for his own points and glory here. I think from his perspective he genuinely thought he was being attacked because that's kind of what it looked like. His heart rate is also jacked. He's also hot and uncomfortable and has adrenaline rushing through him. He's an emotional person, and he yelled because all of that comes to a head when your teammate nearly takes you out (intentional of the teammate or not).

As an empathetic person, I can't help seeing the issues and the non issues from both of their sides and I can't help concluding that they should both be treated like the imperfect human beings they are and not dragged through the mud, suffocated, stepped on, and eaten alive like Esteban was for a mistake/accident. They both deserve grace and understanding.

(as an aside, thank you for the information from 2023. I am slowly making my way through those races with Stuart as I did not watch them - this is my first season following every single race instead of just a race here and there, so there is a lot I don't necessarily know).

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void-galaxy-shenanigans · 9 months ago

Text

Haven’t done a personal vent in a while, but...here goes.

Content Warning for transphobic parents, transphobic laws in the USA, mentions of unpleasant or bad news (via a song cover on TikTok), heavy emotions.

Read at your own risk (and if you do, some reassurance would be welcome too).

So....some backstory before I dive into why I'm upset right now:

- came out as genderfluid to mother in 2019 (now 5 years ago). she somehow interpreted this as “neither man nor woman” and exclusively used they/them (but she/her behind our back, including on the phone). we tried to correct her but she didn't listen at all. didn't know we were a system yet.

- updated her 3 months later that we were a man actually & wanted he/they. she didn't listen at all and kept assuming genderless ish neither man nor woman and only using they.

- updated her in 2021 (3 years ago), because we knew we were a system now (didn't tell her but informed our understanding of our gender better) and knew we were masc nonbinary (man ish). asked for he/him pronouns.

- outed us to our uncle (Uncle P) on the phone, very snarky “yeah they use they/them now”. Loudly yelled down the hall “he/him! if you're gonna out me, at least get it right!”

- continues to use they/she. reminded her in 2022 that we asked for he/him.

- been asking again, every 2-3 months this past year, gently encouraging and asking for effort. agreed to be patient with this big change.

- started testosterone May 2nd 2023 (approaching 10 months ago)

- gave them 3 different books on being transgender and supporting your trans child. they had resources at their fingertips.

- she continues to she/they us. she argues that we're not being patient enough when we protest.

- 6 months on T (November), finally told her we were on T because she noticed facial hair finally (“the women in our family don't have *that* much facial hair”). she was shocked it had been 6 months already. somehow hadn't noticed our voice drop an octave* or so.

*the musical term - this is about 8 notes on a solfege scale (do re mi fa so la ti do), which if you're not familiar with that, it lines up with piano keys (C-D-E-F-G-C-D-E on a major key) and is quite a jump.

- discussed with her how happy testosterone had made us. she knew we understood it to be the best decision we'd made for ourselves.

- Yule (Dec 21st), we bring our girlfriend over. she genders us correctly. both parents get visibly uncomfortable. we're shooed out the door after only two hours (usually 4-6 hour minimum event).

- gets service on secondary phone with new number that parents can't contact, preparing to go No Contact. uses secondary phone way more often. forgets to check original number for up to a week at a time. easier to not feel obligated to talk to parents.

- one month ago, finds out parents both knew we had bipolar. we had finally gotten meds (lamotrigine (medication name) / Lamictal (name brand)), they helped a lot, so we told father about that and he said “oh we knew”. he doesn't explain.

- asks mother when they first realized, why they didn't tell me, & what other mental illnesses or neurodivergent traits they noticed & didn't mention.

- mother says they specifically called it bipolar 2 years ago (2022) and that she thought they discussed it in front of me (father says they did not, & just didn't want to “force a label” on me). also tells me she knew we were ADHD in fourth grade, 9 to 10 years old (diagnosed professionally at 16), and also knew at the same time we had an anxiety disorder but she assumed it would be cured by forcing us into Gendered Scouts and trying to “just build self confidence”.

- also admits that she noticed in high school that we were trans, but she phrases it as “you suddenly started caring about being perceived female because the boys were flirting immaturely, and you just needed self defense classes and self confidence”.

- realizes she hasn't changed that very misinformed view of our transgender realization journey (said the same thing when we came out 5 years ago). upset, but decides to ghost her for 4 or 5 days instead of saying something. realizes we definitely need to go No Contact.

& then, yesterday / last night:

- sends TikTok video to her (this one:)

- is seeking reassurance & comfort, or at least to laugh together about it.

- she replies with her usual dismissive line to avoid accountability, “well, if everyone picked a small thing at a local level, we could affect change”. true fact, but only brought up to dismiss emotions and avoid accountability.

- gets angry, because feeling hurt.

- sends her several recent (last two years) transphobic laws (including Texas trying to label parents who support their trans kids’ social transition as “abusive” and place trans kids with families that will “convert” them; including bathroom bans, sports bans, drag bans; including West Virginia very recently actually trying to outlaw trans people from public life entirely). it's a lot of text and screenshots of the news.

- “This is about *me*, mom. This is my life. This is MY life, and my friends’, and my girlfriends’ and their girlfriends’*, and any adult who has ever supported me. We're long overdue for a full-scale revolution.”

*we're polyam, have 2 gfs and they have a lil polycule with 2 or 3 others

- follows up with a text that's more personal, “on a more personal note”, about her lack of support and her never even once using he/him or our given name.

- specifically says “when you don't even make an effort, I feel unloved, unseen, unwanted, and unheard”

- also says “I am in pain. I am your son.”

- ends message with heavy emotional line “Learn to love me, or at least tell me you can't and I'll find a parent who will.” ((insinuating no contact))

- tempted to delete, hesitates. hits send on a message we'd normally never send. too firm of a boundary, must be a threat, bad ultimatum.

- feels like a bad son, bad person, etc.

- expects her to lash out. expects several attempts to call, or many angry texts, or at best to be ghosted / left on read for a week (the way she did when we admitted we feel uncomfortable during family gatherings & wanted to bring gf). expects her to tell father & cut off our car insurance and all remaining (admittedly pitiful/pathetic) financial support.

- panics, turns phone she can contact completely off.

- cue today.

- goes to appointment with employment specialist, prepares to have them talk to new job about accommodations as soon as this job sees that we're worth keeping. specialist says am easy to work with because I already know what accommodations I need and what I need in a supportive workplace. calls me “very capable”. feels a little better.

- leaves appointment. anxiety builds again.

- gets home (~10:30a)

- terrified to turn phone back on. still haven't (12p).

~~~~

....It's been one heck of a day and a half. I'm reeling with how bold that boundary was and how it's been a long time coming but I still feel “mean” and like I'm “a bad son” for letting on how hurt I actually feel.

~Nico

#personal vent #transphobia #transphobic news #news #usa news #usa #trans #trauma #~Nico #did system #healing from trauma #childhood abuse #healing #transphobic parents #parents #parental issues

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narcissusneverknewme · 3 months ago

Text

I don't know if you're actually looking for advice here so please ignore me if you're not, but here are a few relevant thoughts and some options for phrasing.

it is totally possible to be respectful and firm.

Talk to your parent first, if possible (I'll leave that entirely to your judgement). The conversation with the parent should start with a simple explanation of your boundaries and hopefully end with a quick 'I appreciate your support on this.' Returning to the SO:

Often it is best to bring the topic up rather than wait for it to become relevant, as telling someone they have overstepped after the fact can make them uncomfortable.

I would absolutely recommend trying to have that conversation before the SO moves in.

Most people respond to discomfort with defensiveness (very unhelpful, puts you on opposite sides). Saying "hey, I know you're thinking about moving in. There is something we should talk about first." or something similar can establish a setting for well-handled disagreement and, ultimately, compromise (helpful, positions you as working together rather than against one another).

saying things like "you're not my parent" or "you have no right to order me around" should be avoided until it is unambiguously (to your judgement) necessary. This happens when more sophisticated expression has failed. — By sophisticated I do not mean fancier. You are not fighting an enemy until lines are crossed that make you enemies. Rather than "you have no right to order me around" explain "(I respect you as a person but) do not recognize you as someone with any authority over me."

When it does become necessary to lay down a hard-line, do so calmly and firmly. Mean it, and focus on facts. Do not make threats and DEFINITELY do not bluff.

We never take low blows or cheap shots at people we hope to have a positive working relationship with in the future.

Discussing how you will react to violations of your autonomy is not necessarily a threat, and neither is clarifying the effect it will have on your relationship. Keep your own intentions fair, and forefront in your mind even when you start feeling emotional, frustrated, or emotionally injured

Never, ever say something you want heard while driven by the desire to hurt, punish, retaliate, etc. If you yell and scream, for example, it is human nature to remember only the intensity of your address and forget most or all of the content.

Honesty is important. Choose words that are not hurtful but which are honest. If you want your dad's relationship to succeed it would be nice to say something to that effect, but if you actually hope it will crash and burn say something else that is Nice But True.

Ex. "I'm happy for you and [parent], and I think its great that you want to take the next step. "

with regards to finding words to express the limits of her authority, you have a few options. Since you may have to change course with the flow of conversation or explain it more than once, try writing a few down ahead of time. Understand that the more visibly you protect her interests/have her back, the more likely you are to get somewhere

Some ideas:

"If we're going to live together it's important to me that you understand you have no authority over me. You can expect the same politeness and respect I expect from you, but you cannot expect obedience or deference."

"I need you to show the same respect for me and my autonomy that I show you. I am under no obligation to you. I want us to get along and I believe you do too, so I hope we can show one another that respect."

if she tries to argue with you and insist that she does have right to tell you what to do, be willing to get more direct and to express your real opinions. Prepare statements for this also. These might include arguments like:

"I don't work for you"

"I would prefer for us to be allies/a team. Please do not make that impossible by trying to control me or give me orders."

"I understand some people believe that you owe anyone older than yourself obedience and deference, but I completely disagree. That is not compatible with my values and how I live my life." (something in this vein explains that she won't be able to change your mind. It frames it as non-negotiable and something you are willing to insist on. Again, avoid lying or manipulating.)

"You aren't related to me."

avoid being petty, make only statements and arguments that are meaningful rather than just calculated to win

Don't say things you aren't willing to stand by, and be prepared to end this discussion without everything being solved forever. It may take multiple conversations for her to understand that you are setting a boundary, not attacking or "starting drama." The trick is to always stay FIRM and as non-combative as the situation allows. Be less combative than your opponent and move towards de-escalation whenever possible.

I genuinely recommend doing a little bit of research into mediation practices before hand. a couple of hours of reading and preparation might make a lot of difference in your ability to navigate this conversation with her, and could make your life significantly better in the long term as well

hmmmmmmmmm how does one politely explain to their parent's SO that they have no authority over you and if they were to move in their status would scarcely more than a roommate

#not an expert I've just taken mediation courses in university #and read a few books on conflict resolution #plus everyone has their own opinions and style #hopefully even reading those of mine with which you disagree will make your feelings on them better known to you #and thereby point the way forward

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hajihiko · 2 years ago

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do you have thoughts on izuru post sim? ive seen a few headcannons here and there where he disappears, or hajime develops a sort of alter ego/DID situation. im curious how he would play into the survivor dynamic you've got

Ok this is gonna be based on absolutely nothing but bear with me

1. Ideally, I would WANT Hajime and Izuru to be pretty merged, but still separate? Seperate, because I just think the concept of talking to the seperate entity in your mind is such a cool trope (in a fantasy/sci-fi setting, no real logic behind it, dont wanna be insulting towards people with actual DID). Merged, because I like the idea that Izuru would have some of Hajime's thoughts and feelings and he could re-learn what it's like to have feelings and friends 🥺 BUT that could potentially mean Hajime shares some of Izuru's lack of life luster, which is fittingly sad but.....haji....

It's like the best scenario for both of them I think, they sorta blend into each other but they can still be more this guy or more that guy, but they're pretty content

2. the other idea is that they sorta, fight to pilot the same vessel sometimes? Mostly Izuru doesn't much care about it, and Hajime is Player 1 by sheer force of will (which he has a lot of!!) But Izuru jumps out in moments of panic of where Hajime loses control, and it can be a little hard to get them to switch back. Which is a little scary bc Hajime may be pretty superhuman but it's all muddled into his shitty little normal human brain, and Izuru is 100% power 100% of the time.

(sidenote, Hajime having shit like super strength and super intelligence, but sometimes he forgets?? Like he needs to focus to apply talent and still remain himself, and sometimes it slips and he drops an entire car or something.)

This lends way to a fun "learning to live together" narrative and some drama!

Maybe first situation 2, then situation 1? Happy ending?

As for how it fits into the group;

I like the idea that Hajime might hide how much Izuru is still around, because drama, but he can't hide it for long because FRIENDSHIP. obviously his friends will love him regardless, but it might be a little scary to see your friend blink away and a blank slate of immense power pop out.

Akane would be on him right away because she can just tell there's something more to him. Her gut doesn't lie! But no one fully believes her at first :( she gets to have a great I Told You So moment. She kind of catches on that Izuru isn't...a SUPER huge threat, so she's chill (maybe too chill. If Izuru chose to do something bad, she wouldn't notice because of how non-emotional he is and it'd really fuck with her confidence in her senses.).

Souda wooooould probably be very distrusting of the whole thing. Like he's supportive of Hajime ofc but he does not like that there's a whole seperate guy (not really) who can spy on them. Souda is already such a suspicious guy, and I think at the end of FTEs hes like "ok don't make me suspect you tho hahaaa" but he comes around eventually. Probably loves that Izuru-side can do basically anything, great help with carrying heavy machinery!

Fuyuhiko is a very loyal dude and might take it a little far tbh? He's like "I wanna talk to HAJIME my friend HAJIME and no one else" and Hajime is like "ok I appreciate that we're still friends but I can't..make him leave. You're just yelling at *me* right now." I think he'd be the one to treat them the most as seperate people, which is sometimes good and sometimes bad (might relate Izuru to Peko and insist he's his own person lol). But bless his heart he tries real hard to let Hajime know he's in his corner.

Sonia is always a little hard for me so I have no idea about her tbh. I guess maybe she'd relate to Izuru a bit for being made into something he's not, the whole "useful first, human second"? She might actually think the whole thing is really cool and grill both Hajime and Izuru about the details of their situation.

Ok talky over I have no idea if this is gonna make sense I woke up like an hour ago lol

#Hajime #Izuru #Fuyuhiko #Kazuichi #Akane #Talky talky #Sonia

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gavin-plz-call-me · 3 years ago

Text

Tears of Themis Boys when you're on your Period

Here it is guys, my obligatory dating sim bitches when you're on your period. Idk these types of headcanons just make me smile

Artem

I'm sorry, there's blood coming out of your what?

My baby Artem may be a smart man, but he's very inexperienced when it comes to women.

I mean, it's cannon this man has never had a girlfriend, there's no way he knows anything about periods beyond what they taught him in high school or whatever equivalent he went to, idk

What he lacks in knowledge, though, he makes up in pure support.

Since he doesn't fully understand what's happening to you during your time of the month and the thought of you bleeding uncontrollably terrifies him, he's going to nonstop pamper you.

I'm talking he doesn't want you to lift a finger during your period, he will get you anything you want or need.

Pads/tampons/various other period products? Tell him what brand to get and he's in the car driving to the supermarket before you know it.

Hungry? He's already whipping you up a nice home-cooked meal. Or he's ordering you fast food, whichever you're craving.

You're in pain, he's getting you painkillers and your heating pad, already trying to call you in sick from work.

You have court today? Sucks for your client, you're staying home Artem, that's not how this works.

If you ever bleed on your sheets, Artem is too busy freaking out over the amount of blood that came out of you to ever be disgusted.

Once you finally calm him down, though, he'll just cuddle with you, rubbing your tummy in hopes of easing some of the pain for you.

Definitely keeps your preferred period products in his desk at work, and on his person when the two of you are out on a case together.

Luke

The two of you are king and queen of no boundaries.

You've known each other forever, and he was definitely there when you got your first period, so you really feel no shame in telling him that you're on your period.

Even though the two of you were separated for far too long, Luke still remembers a lot of your preferences when it comes to your cycle. You may need to update him on your preferred products, but after telling him, he won't forget.

Buys your period products without ever needing to ask him. One day, you're down to your last few tampons, the next you've got a full box without you ever having to leave the comfort of your own home.

And if you ever leak on the sheets, his first priority is to make sure you know he couldn't care less about replaceable, washable sheets. He reminds you that, even though you may be embarrassed, it's just him, and he'd never judge you for something like that.

Since he's experienced with your period, he's a lot less frightened and erratic than Artem is.

He's much more likely to calmly make sure you have what you need, then cuddles up to you like the human teddy bear/golden retriever that he is.

Tummy👏 kisses 👏

Can and will yell at your uterus for hurting you.

Even if you aren't dating, he's the first of the guys to even think about stocking the NXX headquarters with period products and pain meds.

Vyn

Knows a lot about your normal behaviors because you're his favorite person to observe.

So, when you start to act a bit strange, he's the first to realize.

He probably deduces that you're on your period without you even having to tell him. He doesn't say anything if this is how he finds out, though.

In these instances, he'll just quietly support you, trying to make you comfy without alerting you. If you haven't told him yet, there must be a reason, and he wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable.

If you tell him yourself, however, he'll be a bit more open about his efforts.

He's less overbearing than the others, letting you come to him when you need something, but will approach you if he can tell you're holding back.

Is the least likely of the boys to indulge in your cravings, trying to get you to realize that eating some fruit and drinking a nice cup of tea will be great for your menstrual health, eating two large fries is not.

Shoot him some puppy-dog eyes and maybe even a few tears and he's throwing that away. Be prepared for lots of vitamin pills when he caves in, though.

If you ever leak on the sheets, he'll somehow be awake before you even notice. You'll wake up with a tender kiss to your ear, gently informing you to get up so you can get cleaned.

Is quick to strip the bed of the sheets and place a towel on your side. Quickly cuddling back into you like nothing happened, making sure you feel zero shame about your accident.

Understands the importance of physical touch during emotional times like this, so he's much more of a cuddle-bug during your period than any other time.

Is constantly doing more research to better understand what you're going through and to better help you.

Marius

Will be a little shit about it, at least at first.

"You're bleeding? Lol, ew."

Shed a single tear, though, and he's panicking. He's not used to his teasing actually getting through to you, but in your heightened emotional state he'll have to be a bit more careful.

After that, when you're on your period, his teasing is down to a minimum.

He isn't very good at sincerity, usually just making jokes to show that he cares, so he will be a bit awkward at first.

Won't personally go out and buy your period products, but makes his assistant go instead.

Master, what sized tampon does MC require?

"One sec, lemme ask... BABE, WHAT SIZE PUSSY YOU WEAR?"

Is constantly trying to make you laugh during your period.

Gets whatever you're craving delivered so neither of you needs to get up from the comfort of your couch, and he can keep holding you, pressing kisses to your head.

If you bleed on the sheets, he's not waking up until he's got blood on himself too. Wakes up thinking he pissed himself, and is trying to figure out a way to clean himself up without being embarrassed.

Be prepared for Marius's assistant to drop off period products at your office when your period starts. You're now the go-to gal when anyone in the office needs a tampon/pad because Marius just keeps sending them to you.

Be prepared to be teased relentlessly when your period is over. Behaving well for a whole week is exhausting almost as exhausting as almost bleeding out through your uterus.

#tears of themis #tears of themis headcanons #artem wing #tears of themis artem #luke pearce #tot #tears of themis luke #tears of themis vyn #tears of themis marius #vyn richter #marius von hagen #tears of themis fic #tears of themis fanfic #fem!mc #tw periods #tw menstruation #tears of themis headcanon

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tarosin · 3 years ago

Text

the great adventures of y/n, tommy, wilbur and phil

requested: yes/no

an: part 7 of the great adventures series - a rollercoaster of emotions

warnings: cursing, jokes about death (like the vlog) , didn’t proof read as its 6am sorry for any mistakes

it had been around a week since you last spoke to tubbo, the pair of you got into a heated argument and honestly you didn’t want to be anywhere near the boy. no one heard from you since you and tubbo blocked each other, ranboo would talk to you about how you need to forgive and forget and Tommy would do the same to tubbo eventually you unblocked each other however apart from that it was pretty much useless neither of you were willing to talk to the other person, it was just one of those things that needed time, soon enough you’d be friends again. at least you hoped that would be the case. later that day Wilbur sent you a message asking what time he should pick you up tomorrow not wanting to argue you let him know a time and went off to get ready for the night.

The car ride to Alton towers was pretty quiet the majority of the ride was spent playing random car games like eye spy or singing along to the radio as there was no traffic you got there rather quickly giving you longer in the park. you loved theme parks and Tommy knew this so he took the opportunity to invite you and get you out of the house, he also knew he would need the support. Phil began recording as you all made your way through the park the sky car was first so you could get to the other half of the park Tommy made it pretty clear he wasn’t the biggest fan of this and you and Wilbur didn’t help his cause by discussing the recent crash in Italy that killed a group of people, you pointed out all the rides you passed teasing Tommy whilst Wilbur interviewed him on why he wanted to hit 10 million subs, as soon as Tommy mentioned the girl from college your eyes widened and you sat trying not to laugh as Wilbur and Phil sat telling him to call her. Tommy looked at you trying to get back up but you responded by telling him you want to speak to her.

once off the sky car you stood with an arm around Tommy's shoulders as Wilbur spoke to the girl who you’re hoping is in on it and that they’re not calling up the poor girl unexpectedly. as soon as you were informed that her favourite ride was the smiler Tommy pulled you into a hug hiding his face in the crook of your neck

“Are you serious”

“you’ll be fine it’s the safest ride here...if you ignore the crash”

“y/nnnnn”

the four of you walked around the park looking for an easy rollercoaster as you make your way up to the smiler, the blade caught Wilbur's eye so the three of you made your way whilst Phil decided to stay back to record, you sat next to Tommy reassuring him that he’s going to be fine and how it can’t be that bad as a family with a young child got on the ride after you.

“if I pee myself will you laugh at me”

“yes..actually that’ll make it easier for me”

“Please don’t do that Wilbur”

“only for you y/n”

the ride started slowly however the speed soon picked up you sat laughing as Tommy went on to make references about technoblade and how he’s never going to die. soon enough the three of you began ‘singing’ the lyrics to road trip in an attempt to calm down a little bit. was it working? no. a few minutes later the ride came to an end as you made your way off of the ride you heard a child screaming about how fun it was

“awe”

“how is that six-year-old shouting I loved it”

“are we cowards”

“yes, yes you are”

you made it to Phil first and rambled on about how fun it was before Wilbur and Tommy made it to you both wanting to go home

on your journey to the next ride, Tommy pointed out claw machines and dragged you to them, Phil had a go first and didn’t win the dog Tommy wanted, you had a go determined to win however like Phil you didn’t win

“This is bullshit ill buy you a toy dog”

“Why are you never satisfied”

“Good question”

you walked away from the machines with the others Tommy complained that he was being forced to go on the rides, you pointed at the smiler and Wilbur announced you could all go on that now, the rest of the walk was pretty quiet after that. soon enough you were in the queue to go on duel, you were walking with Phil not realising that Wilbur was currently telling your best friend that he was going to die, the only reason you found out was because Tommy ran up to you asking if he was going to die

“Tommy, no who told you that... Wilbur stop laughing it’s not- it’s not funny”

“y/n you’re quite literally laughing”

you put your finger on your lips and walked off. you sat with Phil so you could have a break from Tommy screaming in your ear as soon as Tommy yelled there were guns the ride began, you weren’t the best at this ride you missed the target a few too many times than you’d like to admit, once the ride was over Tommy made the mistake of laughing about how low your score was you made eye contact with Tommy and placed your hand on his shoulder

“Tommy... you screamed at everything the entire way around. if that ride was any longer i’m afraid I’d lose my hearing”

“didn’t you also do shit Tommy”

“fuck off”

and with that you left the ride walking through the gift shop, you and Tommy were like little children picking up anything that was covered in bright colours, you and Tommy found a squishy monster and named it Clarence you ended up getting attached and Wilbur stayed with you as you paid for it whilst Phil and Tommy were leaving the shop

“Phil we lost y/n and Wilbur”

“sorry y/n got distracted”

you all continued walking to the next ride Tommy instantly got distracted by the dryer outside of the river rapids ride and spent a good few minutes asking to go into the dryer. at this point, you noticed another toy shop and ran off to that one whilst they argued with Tommy about the dryer a few minutes later you met up with them again as you began making your way to the next ride

“what I hate the most about Phil is his kindness”

“wasn’t kind enough to let me win on duel”

“I pray on his downfall”

Phil turned to you only to be met with you nodding as Tommy goes on to talk about hating his generosity

“Phil I've been thinking about you... it’s ruined my day”

“mine was ruined by Tommy screaming at stupid o clock in the morning”

“y/n it’s 12 pm”

“okay and I usually wake up at 3 pm this is early for me”

you stood in the queue for river rapids, as much as you wanted to make Tommy calm down you hated this ride and Wilbur saying there was a chance of drowning made you hate it even more

“y/n will we be fine”

“no this is horrifying I remember the incident where someone was dragged under a ride like this”

“Y/N”

“what are you two thinking about then”

“I’m thinking about the beyond”

“I’m thinking about the sweet release of death”

“you might be going there”

“no, we won’t”

you and Tommy began to panic as you got closer to the ride, Tommy announced the floor was moving which tricked your brain into believing that the floor was moving, Wilbur was still talking about you all dying in a few minutes whilst laughing at Phil trying to make him stop despite the fact he was clearly laughing. Tommy got on first as you were making your way to a seat Tommy pulled you over to him so you were sat together. a worker came over and told you all to keep your seat during the ride

“can I get off”

as soon as you finished your sentence the ride began to move making the others laugh

“ill take that as a no”

a few minutes later you forgot you were scared as you were too busy laughing about the fact that so far out of the four of you the only person getting drenched in water was Phil. this newfound confidence didn't last long the ride began going faster and you and Tommy got drenched in water

“We made it through the second most dangerous part”

“heh...”

you looked at Phil tilting your head waiting for him to confirm that Wilbur was just trying to scare you again. your thoughts were interrupted by Wilbur beginning to speak to the camera

“Alton towers is a very safe and risk-free theme park fun for all the family”

he flipped the camera so the three of you could be seen Phil was laughing Tommy had his head in his hands and you were sat with your hood over your head hiding your face so you couldn’t see what was going to happen. Phil told you to hold on but he was interrupted by Wilbur using the camera to record the four of you together again it was clear you and Tommy were not having the most fun on the ride compared to the others. the ride crashed into the small wall next to the ride causing it to jerk forward making the four of you hit your leg

“my fucking thigh”

“y/n there are children nearby”

“y/n, Tommy you two are lucky to be alive”

you and Tommy turned to face each other then looked back at Wilbur who was continuing to chant that you’re lucky to be alive clearly ignoring Phil who was telling him to stop. eventually, the ride came to an end and you all got off, Phil helped you walk around for a minute as your legs felt extremely weak after that ride

“you okay now y/n”

“yeah yeah thank you, Phil. I'm never going on that ride again”

you all made your way to the centre of the park Wilbur disappeared as you and Tommy stood begging Phil for cotton candy, your only argument being that you really wanted it

“please Phil”

“We can have a little”

“we’re growing Phil we need more than a little”

“it’s diabetes in a box”

“it’s pure joy”

“yeah it’s fun in a box let us get some”

“stop being a dick”

Wilbur came running out of a shop carrying as much cotton candy as he could shouting for you and Tommy to take some and run which you gladly did. the pair of you sat on the grass eating as much cotton candy as you could

“ITS BLUEBERRY”

“that is so sugary”

you and Tommy both grabbed a fistful of cotton candy waving it at the two adults in front of you both, resulting in Phil calling you both goblins, they both walked away leaving you two to enjoy each other’s company for a little while whilst they had a break from the pair of you screaming.

“that’s..that's Tommy and y/n”

it was almost time to face the smiler but before that, you had to conquer oblivion again this was another ride that terrified you but Tommy's reaction to the ride made you laugh for a good few minutes until you realised you were in the queue

“oh fuck. we are going to die”

“you’ll impress the girl and y/n you’ll impress tubbo”

“ill buy her flowers”

“This is a death trap” you went on first and sat a few seats away from the middle Tommy not far behind you

“if we die ill never forgive you”

“you’ll be fine”

“will we though”

“I mean”

“Tommy she was hesitant to answer that get me off this ride”

just like last time the ride started just as you finished trying to get off the ride

“y/n you really need to stop asking to get off the rides it makes them start earlier”

the way to the top of the ride was mainly just you and Tommy yelling curse words trying to stay calm

“Phil do we have to”

“Why could I not stay with Wilbur”

“awe look at the view”

“can we just stay up here- oh shit don’t look down”

“any last words”

“lovely knowing you all”

just before the ride was about to go down the drop Tommy grabbed your hand only letting go for a minute whilst you got off of the ride, as soon as you were making your way to Wilbur so you could all go on the spinball wizard ride he held your hand again keeping you close. your way to the ride was a range of Wilbur telling you all about the smiler or Tommy telling you all he was worried he was going to piss

“what the fuck is yours and Wilburs obsession with announcing you might piss on the ride”

you sat with Wilbur for this ride as he was the only person you hadn’t sat with yet and Tommy sat behind you both, you and Wilbur spent the ride screaming, yelling song lyrics or saying your goodbyes

“for lmanburg”

“Should I be worried.. you did you know create an explosion”

you spent the rest of the ride laughing before it came to an end. you all made your way to the smiler making jokes about how it’s all the girl from college wants to see him on.

“you ready Tommy”

“let’s go home”

“no”

“y/n you’re supposed to be on my team”

the four of you made your way through the gates ignoring Tommy who was yelling about it being a prison simulator, you sat at the end next to Tommy

“so this is safe”

“apart from the crashes yeah”

“y/n? is it safe?”

“it’s safe Tommy I can see you’re genuinely scared I wouldn’t lie in a time like this..maybe”

you and Wilbur agreed to become his wingmen and a few seconds later the ride began, you spent the ride laughing quietly as Tommy began confessing his love

“POGCHAMP”

“I WISH I SAT SOMEWHERE ELSE”

as soon as the ride ended you stood as a group again and called the girl from college, Wilbur practically yelled about how Tommy went on the smiler only for the girl to ask who Tommy was and how she wasn’t friends with him

“it’s okay mate”

“you okay Tommy”

you and Wilbur pulled Tommy into a hug.

a few minutes later you all made your way back to the car park as it was getting late. once in the car you handed Tommy the squishy monster you both named Clarence, Tommy screamed whilst pulling you into a hug before asking you how and when you were able to buy it. when you were halfway home you began to get a migraine Tommy pulled you into a side hug so you could rest your head on his shoulder and have a nap for the rest of the journey back home.

a few days late you received a message

tubbo: I miss you

y/n: I suppose I miss you too

tubbo: that’s good because I’m outside please let me inside

y/n: on it!!

taglist:

@l0ver0fj0y @etheriaaly @xx-smiley-xx @hawarun @c1loudee

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echo-of-sounds · 4 years ago

Text

don’t go to bed angry

Small drabbles of you making up with Aizawa, Toshinori, and Hizashi after a fight.

Aizawa Shouta

“Fucking leave then! It’s not like I need you!”

You hated how the situation ended. You hated how you handled it. A conversation. It was supposed to be a conversation, never a disagreement nor a spat nor an argument. Cursing and crying should not have happened- it should never happen, whatever the circumstances. And those words certainly shouldn’t have come from your mouth.

Hearing footsteps, you rolled over. The wall illuminated when the door opened, flashing Shouta’s silhouette across it. Clothing dropped. His belt landed with a solid thunk. The bed dipped, bearing his warmth and quiet breathing.

You wished they would comfort you like usual. His body heat lulled you to sleep. His mellow moving chest calmed yours. Now they just felt distant.

A heavy sigh lifted the silence. He asked in a low voice, “You awake?”

Most of you didn’t want to answer. You could drift asleep, forget about the cussing, and wake tomorrow morning, pretending nothing happened. But you forced yourself to reply, weakly, timidly, “Yeah.”

The blankets shifted. Warmth settled slightly closer, yet not enough to be comforting. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah… You?”

“Yeah.”

Silence stooped again. Air staled between you, dark and difficult. Breath swelled in your lungs, exhaling clunkily without your say-so, simultaneously sinking your heart and blurring your vision.

You spoke in sync, “I’m sorry.”

In the somber room, you faced his shape on the other side of the bed. “Shouta, I’m sorry. I never meant to start an argument, especially over something so stupid. And I didn’t mean any of what I said. I only said it because I was angry. I didn’t mean it.”

“I know. I’m sorry too.” Shouta’s hand found yours, distilling the remote feelings, attaching him back to you. “I shouldn’t have responded as I did. I had a long day and let my frustrations out on you.”

“I hate fighting with you,” you mumbled.

“Me too.” His fingers clasped tight.

That wordless connection was all you needed. You quickly closed the gap, slugging your chest against his. He huffed at the collision but still welcomed you in, chasing off the dim cold with his heat.

“I do need you, Shouta. Please, don’t ever think different.”

“Thank you.” He laid down, keeping you snuggly enveloped. A couple of kisses smoothed over your forehead. “I need you, too.”

Yagi Toshinori

“Enough! You’re not fucking helping me.”

You weren’t resentful at his abrupt anger or his curing. You were upset he was hiding from you. It was past midnight and the other side of the bed remained empty. Toshinori’s body wasn’t sweltering, but your body’s become accustomed, craving his feel to drift safely to sleep.

And he was sitting in the living room, physically and emotionally distant. He so scarcely let his temper take the reins. It dwelled and blistered and tore until it wept. The release came as sadness, self-hate. Your supporting words and actions meant nothing. You tried to offer consolation, seek out his fears, be a shoulder to cry on, but that made his emotions direct towards you, like a hurt animal standing on its last leg.

Throwing off the covers, you got up. Toshi was slumped over on the couch, holding his arm up awkwardly on the armrest. His wrist bent. His neck tilted to the side. It would no doubt give him sore muscles.

Whispering his name didn’t wake him. Gently nudging his knee didn’t either. You shook his shoulder, and he jerked awake in alarm. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Toshi. It’s okay. You fell asleep on the couch.”

He rolled his neck around, sitting up straight. A little sweat and flush strained his temples.

You sat beside him, stroking his arm. He shrugged off your touch. You asked, “Why don’t you come to bed? Sleeping here isn’t healthy.”

“No, no, honey. I’m fine here. You need the space.”

“No, I don’t. You needed the time and I’m- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you. I know it’s difficult and me prying won’t help. I’m sorry I did.”

Toshi shook his head and faced more towards you, sighing your name. “Please, don’t apologize. I’m the one that swore at you. I know you’re just worried about me.”

“I am.”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry.” Arms circled you, bringing you to his chest. The thin coating of water dripped from your eyes. He kissed your forehead and rubbed your back, softly mumbling, “I’m sorry I took my anger out on you. I’ll never do that again, I promise.”

You nodded, muttering, “Will you come to bed with me? I don’t want you out here. I want you next to me.”

“Of course, I will.”

Once you were both tucked in, you nuzzled back into his arms. They were long and kept you safe all night. His anger was already forgotten.

Yamada Hizashi

“Because you’re fucking annoying! Shut up for once!”

The idiotic, untrue, blurted words pickaxed your brain. You needed to apologize. Hizashi didn’t deserve the verbal wound no matter how rushed and overwhelmed you felt. His expression, upturned eyebrows, frightened eyes, and slowly closing mouth cut every piece of you. How he shuffled away from your wrath, feeling judged and abandoned by the one person who always loved his voice, his laughter, and his singing, tore you to tears, despite being the one who caused it.

You shuffled to the bedroom and, in case he was asleep, carefully nudged the door open. His figure laid on the bed, facing the opposite wall, on his stomach, breathing quietly, motionless.

One tiptoe inside and Hizashi jumped up, calling your name.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Please, don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything.” You sat on the edge of the bed.

The way he moved seemed insecure, reflecting how he felt. The doubts about his energy, the persona he created, always plagued the back of his mind, filling his head with cynicism towards his ‘real’ character. But he was real- all of him. Every joke, dance, and sound he produced was real and beautiful and none of it was annoying. It was him and he didn’t need to change any part of it.

“I am, honey. I’m sorry.” You searched for his hand in the dark. His fingers weaved with yours, long and slender.

“I don’t mean to be annoying or loud, you know that right? I hate bothering you.”

“I know. I know. You weren’t. I was just a little overwhelmed. I shouldn’t have yelled at you and I shouldn’t have called you annoying, because you’re not, Hizashi. I’m so sorry I said that.”

The outline of his head nodded. You wished you could see his face to wash away the last, horribly nervous one you saw.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“I love you so much. I love you so much.” You pulled him into a bear hug. A pleasing laugh caressed your ears. You kissed him, breathing into his mouth, “And I love your voice.”

“Oh, in that case, let me sing for you.” He whisked you down to the bed, starting to croon his favorite song.

#aizawa shouta #aizawa x reader #all might #all might x reader #yagi toshinori #toshinori x reader #present mic #present mic x reader #yamada hizashi #hizashi x reader #aizawa imagine #all might imagine #present mic imagine #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha imagines

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whoree321 · 3 years ago

Note

can I request some headcannons of the bad batch reacting to reader getting called fat and comforting her?

(today while I was at school someone called me fat)

omg well ok first of all bestie i’m so sorry that happened to you!! i def experienced my fair share of that sort of thing back in my day, but just remember that above all else your body is merely a vessel to contain the infinite galaxies that form the irreplicable, unique multitudes of humanity that live within you. you are so much more than the physical form you inhabit and simply the presence of your soul on this planet makes it a brighter place<3

but anyways! i hope y’all enjoy this! i would love nothing more than for this gaggle of big strong men to defend my honor

the bad batch + comforting gn!reader (body image)

WARNING: this is entirely about comments being made about the reader’s body. there are potentially triggering themes. please read with caution<3

Hunter

when hunter hears what happened, he experiences probably every single negative emotion a person could feel at once

angry at the person who insulted you, worried about you, sad that you’re sad, stressed about the best way to handle it and help you

internally, hunter is probably more distressed than you are

this man NEVER EVER shows it tho. the inside of his brain is literally like that scene in spongebob where his brain is the office and it’s on fire and all the little spongebobs are running around screaming. but on the outside?

“oh cyar’ika, come here. i’m so, so sorry my love”

he is tenderly holding you to his bosom, praising you and reassuring you and providing that feeling of safety and warmth that’s just so uniquely hunter until you almost forget why you were even upset

he is also such a good listener. he doesn’t exactly know what to say beyond complimenting/praising you (that’s easy- all he has to do is say what he’s already thinking), but he is so attentive and really takes in everything you’re saying as you’re ranting or letting your emotions out

just knowing how invested he is in trying to understand your problems and make you feel better makes you feel so loved and so special

Crosshair

crosshair is not the fucking one

crosshair hears that someone has called you fat, and he is literally breaking their knee caps like they owe him a gambling debt within 24 hours of the comment being made

like i’m serious. of all the batchers, he is the one to go out of his way and inflict serious violence upon the individual in question (wrecker might join him)

although he’s seething with rage on the inside, he does try to be there for you in the moment while you’re upset

he’s not very good with words, and he’s definitely the type to let his actions do the talking

he will spend literally hours just worshipping your body, kissing every inch and whispering little comments like “gorgeous” and “so beautiful” and “all mine” and he won’t stop until he’s confident you know just how enamoured he is with you. mind, body, and soul

he’ll get in the shower with you and wash your hair, letting the warm water and his fingers on your scalp soothe you as he presses feather light kisses to your back and neck and shoulder blades

he will wait to seek out his victim until you’re nestled into his bunk, snuggled under his covers and fast asleep. he’ll lay a quick kiss on the tip of your nose, admiring the peaceful look on your face for a moment before disappearing into the night to deal with the perpetrator

seriously tho crosshair is sending whoever said it to the med bay for EXTENDED time. he won’t kill them, but he will definitely disfigure them

Tech

tech would honestly be so confused. like he would be so upset that someone would say that to you, and even more upset that you were upset, but i think the entire situation would be a little bit baffling to him

like i think that he is probably one of the least likely batchers to notice or care what people look like physically, and so he just would not understand why someone would be so cruel

like what would someone have to gain from commenting negatively on your body? as far as he knew, there was nothing wrong with how you looked (quite the opposite, actually), and he would just find the whole idea of someone doing that to you so absurd

despite his confusion, i think in any situation where you’re upset tech would def sort of let you indicate what kind of comfort you wanted, and would go all in from there (he read that your partner often needs different kinds of emotional support at different times and he has worked very hard to recognize when you need each type of comfort)

like if you need verbal or physical reassurance, he’s worshipping you and letting you know exactly why he finds every piece of you so dazzlingly beautiful

if you need to cry and rant, he’s holding you close and stroking your hair and giving you a safe place to just let out your feelings

if you need to be angry about it, tech will sit with you and absolutely roast the shit out of whoever said it. like he’ll pull up files about them and just verbally demolish they’re entire existence until you’re wheezing with laughter

tech would just be so sweet and would hate seeing you upset and would try his best to fix it. he loves your body, but to him you are so much more than that and it kills him that someone could make you feel so badly over what he views as such a small aspect of all amazing things that make you who you are

Wrecker

when wrecker hears about what happened, he is equal parts heartbroken for you and LIVID

he doesn’t tolerate when people have things to say about the way he or his brothers look, and he CERTAINLY won’t tolerate someone commenting on the way you look

he’s already gearing up to go bash some heads in when it registers with him how upset you are

expect the hug of the CENTURY from this man

like seriously you’re worried he’s gonna crack one of your ribs with how hard he’s squeezing

he becomes the self care king

wrecker will spend an excessive amount of time pampering you and doing his best to make you feel loved (like literally days if he has enough time)

he’s running you warm baths, he’s doing face masks with you, he’s setting up a movie night with a pillow fort and yummy treats, he’s using your entire body as a pillow and wrapping his arms around you, planting sweet kisses all over your torso as the movie plays. anything he can think of to care of you and take your mind off of the horrible way you were spoken to

wrecker isn’t gonna have as much verbally as hunter or tech or echo, pretty much confined to statements like “oh don’t listen to them, Y/N, you’re absolutely perfect”, but the way he dotes on you and the tenderness he shows to you and your body lets you know that he really, really means it

(also, he won’t seek them out, but if he ever happens to run into person who said it, he does not hesitate to beat the living shit out of them. disrespectfully)

Echo

when echo hears about what was said to you, he’s really just unbelievably sad

while people don’t usually make comments about him to his face, he knows how terrible it feels to be uncomfortable with your own body and he would do anything to keep you from feeling that

echo responds initially like hunter, holding you close and letting you cry or yell for a while, but he refuses to let you feel anything other than beautiful

he takes you to your closet and tells you to pick out one outfit that makes you feel good about yourself (if you have trouble feeling good about any of them, don’t worry. he won’t hesitate to pick out one he knows you look great in)

once you’ve decided on it, he tells you to put it on. if you’re uncomfy with him watching you change, he happily looks away until you’re ready for him to turn around. if you’re cool with him watching, he makes it a point not to hide his admiration of your form, offering sweet compliments and sultry glances

once you’ve changed, he stands you in front of the mirror so you can see yourself, and describes to you all your wonderful features. he lets you disagree with him and point out your flaws, and he counters each of them without missing a beat

echo just wants you to see yourself the way he sees you, and he stands there with you, offering so much patience and love, until he’s filled your heart with so much warmth you can feel your tears returning (this time in a good way)

you do so much to help him when he feels insecure about his appearance since the citadel, so above all else, echo needs you to know just how perfect you are, regardless of what some prick might say

#the bad batch #bad batch #tbb #tbb crosshair #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker #the bad batch x reader #tbb echo #tbb tech #tbb x reader #tech x reader #wrecker x reader #echo x reader #crosshair x reader #hunter x reader #the bad batch headcanons

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multifandomwhore-003 · 3 years ago

Text

The Black Dahlia

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Heyward! female! black! reader

Summary: Y/N Heyward is America's promise for the Olympics... when she gets in.

Genre(s): Angst, fluff.

Warnings: Mentions of racism.

A/N PLEASE READ: Hi, so here's the thing, I was scared I was gonna lose readers because of this, and after a lot of thinking and processing I decided I don't care, I rather have 0 reads over not expressing my point of view and being part of the problem. BLACK LIVES MATTER. IT'S NOT A TREND, IT'S A REALITY, AND THEY WILL NEVER STOP MATTERING. RACISM IS SICK AND DISGUSTING. This is a love letter to all my black readers out there because I haven't seen any imagines with a canon black protagonist. I do see race and I acknowledge the challenges that you have to endure every day as a person of color, in my account and in my everyday life you are seen, you are loved and you're valued just as much as anyone else. If you are black and you see something in this chapter that makes you uncomfortable or something I should add, don't hesitate to tell me, I will listen and I will change it.

Gif credits to whom it belongs

Part two on the masterlist! 𓆉︎𝙹𝙹 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚁𝚞𝚍𝚢 𝙿𝚊𝚗𝚔𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝𓆉︎ REQUESTS OPEN, REQUEST HERE THIS IS NOT FREE USE, YOU CANNOT USE MY WORK Reblog if you like

"Again!" your dad yelled before the music finished.

You sighed returning to your initial position while he restarted the song.

"Dad, I think she's practiced enough," Pope tried to help his sister.

"It's enough when I say it's enough," he sassed back.

On paper, the Heyward kids were perfect, the genius and the legend. Pope was known for being smart, or at least smart-er than the rest of the kids on the island, their dad never got enough of how much other parents would complain about their own kids reminding him how lucky he was to have Pope without missing the part where they wished he was theirs. However, no one dared to talk about you, their silence while you moved on the ice was enough, their jaws would drop to the floor, and their overwhelming awe made them lose every sense of communication. 'The Black Dahlia', they didn't know your name, they didn't care to know your name because that was the only label, on every headline, on every billboard, on every conversation, on every whisper. You were one of the only things that made kooks and pogues come together, you were the glue of the island, there was no one on the Outer Banks who missed your performances, you were powerful enough to make them forget about any other differences they could come up with, as long as you were skating, they were all there joined by the same emotion, amazement. With all of this, you'd think you were important enough to go to the Olympics, right? Yes and no, your talent was undeniable, your presence on the ice was beyond magnificent, your execution was exquisite, but there was just one thing that never quite convinced the judges, you were black.

You fell, again, losing your balance, losing control, you turned to your dad who only looked at you with a serious face before he left his seat and got out of the edifice, the door-slam echoing, chills coursing through your body. You got up waltzing to the exit finding Pope right in front of the door, he looked at you as if apologizing for not being able to do anything, he hugged you, and for a second everything around you seemed a little brighter.

Arriving home, you already had memorized the speech.

"We can't allow ourselves to make mistakes, not us, your entire life has led up to this moment and this moment only, every penny, every tear of sweat, blood, and tears I've forced myself to make has been so you could have a chance to get out of this island, to have the opportunities most of us can only dream of. You dropped out of school for this, that was your choice, I supported you because you committed to this, and you can't afford to fail, you have to be perfect, because perfect will either get you the bronze or the silver, gold? Don't even think about it, you're not one of those Disney-like girls with blonde hair and blue eyes, and even they get robbed, do I have to mention Tonya Harding again?"

For an entire week, you had repeated the same routine, an endless and torturous loop of disappointment and failure, the more you practiced the worse you got. You got inside your room tossing your duffle bag aside, you took a deep breath, then you screamed in silence, all the rage and impotence scaring your stomach as you tried to not make a noise, it felt empty, sore, it ached crossing every level of pain, only air came out of your mouth, mumbled incomprehensible whispers. You began to pant hoping for composure, desiring even just a fraction of instant calm, nothing, nothing but burning exasperation. You looked at your knees considering banging them so hard against anything, you just wanted for it to stop.

Nighttime covered the sky, the moon glistening in pure joy, you wanted to scream at it, it almost seemed as if it was making fun of you with all its grace and shine. You opened the door of the ice rink, and as soon as your blades grazed the frozen water you felt sick, you grimaced rolling your eyes at how much you hated that place now.

You put on your headphones on deciding to tell the routine to go fuck herself, you were alone so, who could stop you from just enjoying the music. You remembered 'Cherry Bomb' very well, it was the first routine you used a Triple Axel on, back when you were some naive 11-year-old who only did it for fun, you had it attached to you like a second skin, you remember it better than your first language, it was so easy, it brought you comfort.

There's something else I think I forgot to mention that is crucial to the story, do you know Surya Bonaly? Aka the 'rebel on ice'? If not, she was a French figure skater who was worldwide famous for her backflips, she was a pioneer that the world wasn't ready for, they wanted an ice princess, she gave them the rule breaker. But you weren't Surya Bonaly, no, you were everything she couldn't be, all the love, all the recognition, all that brace, and all that esteem came from the media, so much so, that you were basically peered-pressured into nationals. The way you pulled off her signature movement was so gracious, so charming, so rare it almost seemed as if you defied all the laws of physics, you were extraordinary.

The first time you were named was after you won state not so long ago, some reporter said 'As delicate as a daisy, as dark as a bat flower, Y/N Heyward, The Black Dahlia', many others tried to call you many other things but the one who stuck waw the one who everyone agreed fitted you the best.

Ice flakes flew across the floor when you posed at the end, your eyes were closed and for the first time in months, you genuinely smiled.

"Whoo!" someone yelled.

You jumped opening your eyes, you turned to the person clapping loudly.

JJ Maybank will never forget the first time he saw you skating, he was ten and he had to do a science project with Pope, Heyward picked them up from school in his truck and they drove to the ice rink. What was the project about? Hell knows, he didn't understand shit about it and as if it couldn't be worse, the entire time they were there the only thing he saw was you. Since that moment he was always present in every single one of your performances, always bringing flowers, always cheering first, always screaming louder than the rest of the audience, he even cursed at the judges for not giving you the score you deserved in your firsts competitions whether it would be in real life or through the screen, although most times he would beg Heyward to take him with the rest of you when you had to compete out of the state.

"JJ, what are you doing here?" you moved to the edge.

"Pope and your dad got stuck on the mainland and he asked me to come to pick you up but I came earlier to watch you practice," he ran towards you.

If it were any other day, you'd smile, but right now the last thing you needed was knowing someone wasn't gonna lose you out of sight.

"Thanks, J, but right now I need to be alone,"

"But I haven't seen the new routine yet, your dad almost yelled at me not to come these past few months, just so you wouldn't get distracted,"

"It's better if you don't, trust me,"

"Oh come on, it must be really good,"

"It is if I manage to pull it off," you confessed.

He rolled his eyes, "Of course you're gonna pull it off, you're best figure skater in the world,"

"I don't know about the world but-"

"You're gonna go the Olympics Y/N! Of course, you are!"

"Only if I get selected, and by the looks of it, I probably won't,"

"Why? What's wrong?" he frowned.

"Nothing," you shook your head, "Just come later, okay?"

"I'm not leaving," he crossed his arms.

"JJ," you tilted your head.

"Not until you show me the new routine,"

"I'm not gonna do that?"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to,"

"Show me,"

"No,"

"Show me,"

"No,"

"Show me,"

"No,"

"Show me,"

"No,"

"Come on show me," JJ whined.

"I said no," you raised your voice.

"Why not?" he pouted.

"Because I can't fucking do it! I fall like an idiot in the fucking backflip every single fucking time, okay?! So no, I'm not gonna show it to you, because how are you supposed to see something I can't even do because I'm a fucking failure!" you spat, tears streaming down your face, "Okay? so just- just leave," your voice broke.

JJ hugged you.

You sobbed and panted uncontrollably, a bullet had been shot through the bottle of emotions you had been carrying, you let your body let go and fall into his not being able to hold anything back, "I can't do it," you weakly said, "I can't fucking do it and I don't know why,"

"It's okay, it's okay," he pet your hair, "Hey, hey, listen to me," he cupped your face, "You are Y/N Heyward, The Black Fucking Dahlia, the youngest person to do a Triple Axel and the best figure skater in the fucking world, so don't say you're a failure ever again because you're not, you're just nervous and you're scared of going to the Olympics that's okay, I'd be terrified even, but that doesn't make you any less talented or any less capable, you're gonna make history because you're gonna go to the fucking Olympics and you're gonna be the first black woman to ever win a gold medal in figure skating, I don't care what your dad says you're gonna win it, I believe with every part of me that you are and so should you," he pointed at your chest, "So don't ever doubt yourself again because you have no reason to do so, okay?"

You nodded stunned by the proximity the two of you were sharing, his breath crashed against yours and in an impulsive move, you kissed him. He melted almost immediately his hands traveling to your waist.

In a moment of realization, he separated from you, "I- I shouldn't have done that,"

"But I was the one who kissed you,"

"Y- yes, yes, you're right," he stuttered, "But I kissed you back and I can't do that,"

"Why not?"

"The bro code,"

You rolled your eyes," Fuck the bro code," you grabbed the collar of his shirt to kiss him again.

"But what if Pope finds out?" he pushed himself off you.

"He doesn't have to,"

"Yeah, you're right," he agreed quickly placing his lips on yours making you smile.

#jj #jj maybank #jj maybank x black! reader #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank obx #jj maybank imagine #Spotify

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yesimwriting · 4 years ago

Text

The Promise of Rain, blurb 2

The Promise of Rain (part 2?? technically)

A/n I was not originally planning a second part for this but some people wanted it and this idea came to me and it works better with the context of ‘The Promise of Rain’ but it can technically be read as a stand alone :))

Anyways this might turn into a small series of kinda connected blurbs that are all kind of canon with each other but aren’t necessarily connected except for the reader’s background (the reader is a very sunshine-y person and knows Kaz bc she’s a runaway princess that he was hired to bring back home but she managed to convince him to let her work for him instead)

The night air had left me with a chill that made me want nothing more than to have my covers draped over me as I read. I’m normally more sociable after a job, especially after such a simple and safe ending, but a lot of tonight had left me wanting to be alone.

Well, not truly alone. The company of my books is always welcomed, but tonight I can’t seem to find much comfort within the pages. After almost every paragraph, I find myself distracted by gusts of wind and thoughts of the heavy, silver clouds that seem to make up tonight. A part of me longs for the rain. I know it’s ridiculous to expect rain each time I desire some sense of comfort, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Especially when the sky so clearly implies it.

“This must be the fifth time I’ve come here and you’ve been reading.” Kaz’s sudden appearance is almost enough to shake away my lingering somberness.

I roll my eyes slightly, turning my attention back to the page in front of me. “That observation is just a testament to how often you come in here.”

His glare is half hearted, a look I’d find endearing if I was less annoyed. “Where else am I going to find a reminder that good people exist in Ketterdam?”

I think he may have a sixth sense that warns him when I’m treading the line between being annoyed and displeased. Everytime I find myself mad at him in a way that makes me want to avoid him instead of yell at him, Kaz makes some ridiculously heart-melting comment. He steps further into the room. I don’t miss the way he eyes my stretched out legs. Ever since the conversation we had after he woke up after an injury, we’ve fallen into the unmentioned habit of silently inviting the other to stay by moving to make room for them.

It had started the day after the conversation in which Kaz had admitted that he wanted me to stay with him. He had been sitting on the small couch while discussing the details of a job. Shortly after I walked in he made a point of shifting so that he was clearly on one side of the couch. I didn’t think much about sitting down, but Inej and Jesper exchanged a look.

Now, though, I keep my legs stretched out on the bed. He eyes my position on the bed, something grim crossing his features.

“It might rain tonight.”

He knows me so damn well. I hate it. “I hope so.”

I turn my head, analyzing the way the world seems to be on the cusp of something. I stare at the silver clouds until I feel something hard tap my leg. The tap is firm but not painful. I’m quick to look at Kaz as he lowers his cane. The mention of rain had been a distraction.

“You distracted me on purpose.”

“The first rule of the Barrel is to always be prepared.” There’s a slight uptilt to his lips, something I’ve learned to interpret as a sign of teasing.

How is he so easy to be around one second and so cold the next? I resist a smile. “I’ll take notes.”

Kaz ignores my passive aggressive tone. His focus seems to be on my legs that have still not moved to offer him a place next to me. “You wear your emotions too openly.” Great, he’s going to make us talk about it. “What reason could you possibly have to be mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you.” It’s a partial truth.

His expression harshens. “Don’t lie.”

“I’m not thrilled with you, but I don’t think that’s the same as being mad.”

Kaz lets out a partial sigh. “No, they’re not the same.” Such an early concession feels like a trap. “With you, the first option is worse.” I don’t have anything to say to that. “Is this because of what I said to Jesper?”

My posture straightens on instinct. “He wants your validation more than he’d ever admit and I understand that expressing praise isn’t exactly something you do, but would it kill you to not actively insult him?”

“I didn’t say anything that was wrong. He thinks he’s a gambler but he’s just someone born for losses.” The look I give him must mean something to him, because Kaz is quick to tact on, “That doesn’t make him less valuable of an asset or less relatively dependable.”

I eye him cautiously, the slightest bit of vulnerability playing at his features. “Don’t look at me like that--and don’t tell me that. Jesper’s the one who could use the occasional reminder from you that you hold him to any regard with positive connotations.” His lips press together like he’s thinking about scolding me for scolding him. “It’s only because I know you care more about Jesper than you’d ever let on.”

“Jesper’s esteem can handle the blow.” The curtness of his voice is a blow in its own sense. “And he didn’t exactly deserve to be in my good graces after what he did tonight.”

My sigh is not weighted enough to match Kaz’s newfound fountain of emotion. “We were successful--”

“He left you.” I didn’t know Kaz’s voice was capable of such harshness. “I paired him with you, and he left you--and you almost didn’t make it.” I let the weight of his words take up all the available space in the room, keeping the silence that follows them until some of the heaviness has dissipated. “He could have cost me one of my best people.”

Oh. His harshness, his unwarranted coldness, had been a manifestation of his concern. For me. Guilt knots my stomach. Potential words that may offer Kaz some sort of support raise and die back down in my throat. Kaz turns towards the door.

“Kaz.” He pauses. There’s a long moment in which I think he won’t turn around, but finally, he does. I tuck my legs beneath me, forcing myself to sit up a little straighter. “I told Jesper to leave because I knew the job would have failed if he had been trapped in that room with me.” I drop my gaze towards the window. “I was right, the job was successful, and I got out in time so it was worth it.”

“You risked your safety?” The harsh facet of his being is making its return in full force.

“For the job,” I’m careful to keep my words factual, “It’s what we’re supposed to do.”

Kaz’s jaw locks. “When I said that keeping you near me would ruin you this is what I meant.”

Is it really this big of a deal? I made it out. “Kaz.”

“This wasn’t my best idea.” His words are leached of anything. “You’re going back home. Tomorrow I’ll arrange the voyage myse--”

“Kaz Brekker you may get to live your life doing anything you want but you don’t get to control mine.” My chin raises an inch, an instinctual act of subtle rebellion. “I am not going back there, even if I’m technically indebted to you because you didn’t return me to my father but that does not mean I’ll--”

“I’m not trying to control you.” His words are sharp, boarding on a yell. “A job like that one wasn’t worth you.”

From Kaz, I know those words are heavy. There’s a lot of things I could say to that. I could tell him that I wanted to do something for him. I could say that I appreciate him telling me that. I could even say that in his own way, Kaz giving Jesper a hard time because he left me, is kind of cute in a misguided way. The thing is I think all of these responses will make things worse.

“Kaz,” I keep my voice as steady as possible, “I’m fine, you’re fine, it all worked out.” Scratching the back of my arm, I exhale gently. “I’ll be more careful next time, I promise.”

I watch him carefully, there’s a slight slump to his shoulders as he exhales. Is the fight leaving him so easily? He walks further into the room. “You better.” He sits down in the space I provided for him slowly. “If you’re not you’ll have worse things to worry about than anything that can happen to you on a job.” He moves his cane forward easily, tapping my knee in a swift motion.

I roll my eyes at the mock threat. “They do say that there’s nothing to fear in the Barrel like the Dirtyhands.”

“Remember that.” Any edge in his voice is forced. I fight against a smile that seems to always want to break across my face whenever I think I see something resembling lightness in Kaz.

“I don’t think I could forget anything about you.”

He turns his head slightly. “You should.”

“Too bad.”

Kaz leans his back against the wall, untensing slightly. “I think you just like disagreeing with me.”

There’s no point in lying about it. “Only because when you argue with me you give me this really particular look.”

“A look?”

Adding insult to injury, I smile. “Sometimes you look like you’re too focused on being angry, like you’re compensating for something.”

Kaz lets out a bitter sigh. “Maybe if you were less of a puppy I wouldn’t have to--”

The laugh that escapes is most definitely a mistake. “Did you just call me a puppy?” I don’t give him a chance to reply, laughter taking over again. “I mean this in the least argumentative way possible--but you’re so weird sometimes.”

He rolls his eyes, tensing. “I’m leaving.”

I stifle the rest of my laughter. “No. I was--I was kidding!” I keep my eyes on Kaz, expecting some type of annoyed glare, but his expression is a lot more weighted than that. Odd. “Kaz?”

“You need to be more careful.” I understand Kaz’s pause as something he does before saying something outside of his nature. “I’m not asking you this as a Crow or a Dreg.”

On instinct, my posture straightens. “I promised and I meant it.”

“Sometimes I wish I could believe in Saints,” his voice has taken off a distant quality, almost fragile, “That way I could believe something existed to help what matters.”

Oh. “You never fail, even if I didn’t believe in Saints I’d believe in you.”

“You’re wasting your faith.” The sound of lightning cracking is almost enough to make me jump. The rain finally came.

I know I’ll never convince him that that’s not true. “I don’t think so, but that’s why it’s called faith.”

“I have faith in some things.” His expression is far off.

“Like what?”

Kaz’s eyes find the window. “People that find meaning in the rain.”

Something in my chest swells. “You’re like the rain.”

We sit there in silence, watching raindrops glide down the window. “What were you reading?”

The question has me dropping my gaze to the forgotten book on my lap. “I stole this book from the palace before I left. It was my mom’s favorite, she’s read it so much the spine’s completely cracked and the cover is practically falling off.”

“Hm…” He mumbles. “Read some, the books read in a palace must be worthwhile.”

A part of me wants to tell him that elitism has no place in literature, but his request leaves me frozen. I nod once, turning to the first page of the book. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife--”

“Your upbringing makes sense--”

“You can’t judge it off the first sentence,” he’s insufferable, “It’s setting up irony, and if you’re going to complain--”

He lets out a conceding sigh. “I’m listening, I’m not interrupting.”

I keep my eyes on him for a second longer than I should. “Okay.” Dropping my gaze back to the book, I adjust my grip on the worn paperback, “Good.”

And then I keep reading.

@theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7 @lonelystarship @mentally-in-northern-italy @uhanddreag

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