#and if it's not okay...

[gordopickett]

WIP Wednesday!

Thanks for the tag, @youreorangeyoumoron 💙

I'm actually getting to this on a Wednesday for once! 😆

So far I have 29 chapters up on Ao3 of my For All Mankind post-season 2 fix-it fic called And If It's Not Okay... This is an excerpt from chapter 36, wherein Gordo & Ed have made plans to hang out one evening, but Ed doesn't show.

Gordo arrived at the Shamrock ten minutes before seven. He walked through the warm, inviting lobby with its muted green floor and walls of mahogany paneling and travertine. He found the Pine Grill where he was supposed to meet Ed, and he slid into a booth. A waitress came over immediately and took his drink order – a club soda. Gordo hadn’t cut out alcohol from his life entirely. But he had cut back significantly, ever since he had gotten serious about his training for Jamestown 91. He was sure that that – along with getting back into a workout routine – was what had helped him lose so much weight before his launch. He hadn’t been particularly set on losing weight, per se, but he had wanted to get back in shape. He always felt better when he kept his body strong and moving. The weight loss had just been a byproduct of that. But ever since his return from Jamestown, Gordo hadn’t felt strong. His injuries had kept him immobile for days and then fairly sedentary for nearly three weeks. Now that he had been cleared by the NASA flight surgeon to start exercising again, he looked forward to getting back to it. He knew he would have to start out slowly, however. He had lost a few more pounds and a lot of muscle mass over the past three weeks, and he felt much weaker than he was used to. Getting back in shape would be a process, but Gordo was up for the challenge. And he didn’t have a launch deadline to meet, so he knew he could do it at a slow, healthy pace. Gordo sipped his club soda, waiting for Ed to arrive. He checked his watch again, noting that it was now ten minutes past seven. He wondered why Ed was late. It wasn’t like he had to drive across town. He was staying right upstairs in the hotel. Gordo waited a few more minutes. He was beginning to wonder if Ed had forgotten about their plan when the bartender shouted, “Gordo Stevens?” Gordo looked over. “Yeah?” The bartender looked at him, lifting up the phone receiver he held in his hand. “You’ve got a phone call.” Gordo furrowed his brow curiously and got to his feet. He walked over to the bar, and the bartender handed him the phone. He held it to his ear. “This is Gordo Stevens.” “Mr. Stevens?” a female voice said timidly in his ear. He didn’t immediately recognize it. “Yes?” “This is Kelly,” she said. “Baldwin. I, uh, tried calling your house, but Jimmy said you were at the Pine Grill.” “Yeah. I’m supposed to be meeting your dad here. Is everything okay?” “I didn’t know who else to call.” “What’s going on?” “I don’t know. Something’s wrong. We’re up in our room. Dad’s been drinking, and he’s just—He seems really upset.” She paused. “I’m worried about him.” “What’s the room number?” Gordo asked. When she told him, he said, “I’ll be right up.”

I wanted this scene to be a sort of parallel to Karen calling Ed to come get Gordo at The Outpost in episode 2x02. But instead of Ed helping Gordo when he's drunk & spiraling, this time it's Gordo helping Ed who's going through something similar.

Tagging @benwvatt @lacontroller1991 @rachg82 @onekisstotakewithme @roughroadhaley

@kayhi808 @marvmerchant @margospiano @violetmuses @castalyne

@cicada-circuitry @nadia-el-mansours @flamingo24 @tavners @allatariel & anyone else who wants to play!

Feel free to share anything you're working on, writing or not, but no pressure either way! 😊

[morganbritton132]

Me: You know how when you were a kid and you’d wish that you’d get sick or injured in a way that would justify why you didn’t live up to your potential?

Everybody, apparently: No?

[mintjaan]

When you choose "I'm bald" on a poll this is what you're saying

[codecicle]

MY FAVORITE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS' PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE!!!!

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

[violetsandshrikes]

kind of obsessed with this comment from the aoteaora nz subreddit….

[dredsina]

Ive said this before but swear the biggest skill to learn as an adult is how to resist high-pressure sales tactics. You do NOT have to answer questions with anything other than "Sorry I'm not interested." No matter how nice they are or no matter how many follow up questions they ask or even how agitated they get when you stand your ground. Just keep saying I'm not interested. Don't answer their questions. Don't give them an opening to try to push back on your reasons. Be a fucking brick wall of I'm not interested.

[lettuccine]

i cant stop thinking about a post by @possamble so i made this

inspired by this

based on a fanart by BugsGay on twitter

[linkcharacter]

Thank you, Swansea.

[heph]

Yall ever think about how Ford had to relearn how to be a normal human being after 30 years of isolation

[gordopickett]

And If It’s Not Okay... (For All Mankind post-s2 fix-it fic)

*** Chapter 31 is up! ***

Chapter Title: Astronaut’s Wife

Chapter Summary: Ed goes back home to have a conversation with Karen about their marriage, but it doesn't go as smoothly as he had hoped.

And for anyone who wants to read the chapter here on Tumblr...

*******

Chapter 31: Astronaut’s Wife

Ed drove back home from Ellington in his two-tone Stingray. He and Gordo had taken the T-38s up again. Ed had been a little concerned at first about Gordo getting back up into the air after what had just happened. A “panic attack,” Gordo had called it.

Ed had listened to Gordo take a few deep, calming breaths before their second takeoff, but after that, Gordo had seemed fine. In the air, they had joked and laughed like normal, giving each other a hard time. They had agreed to a best-of-three in their second round of dogfighting. Gordo kicked Ed’s ass twice in a row.

Gordo had always been an amazing pilot – probably the best pilot Ed knew – but Gordo seemed more confident in the air lately than he had in years. Since before their first mission to Jamestown. Gordo’s renewed confidence reminded Ed of how he had been ten or fifteen years earlier. He was an even better pilot nowadays. He wasn’t arrogant like he had been back then, but he had faith in his skills as a pilot.

Despite the panic attacks, despite everything he had been through, Gordo still came alive when he was in a cockpit. And Ed was proud of him for doing that. He was proud of Gordo for immediately facing his fear and getting back into the cockpit at Ellington. Ed could tell that Gordo had changed tremendously over the past few months. He still had his demons. He still had his fears. But he wasn’t letting those things hold him back any longer. Ed was glad to see it.

And even more than that, Ed felt inspired by it.

He had been afraid to talk to Karen. Afraid of what might happen. Afraid she would tell him that their marriage was over. That she wanted out.

But Ed was ready to talk now. He wanted to make things work. He wanted to stay married and fix whatever had broken between them. He was ready to let Karen know how he felt.

After climbing out of the T-38s, Ed and Gordo had made plans to meet up at the Pine Grill at the Shamrock the next evening. In the meantime, Ed was going back home to talk to Karen.

Ed rolled up in the driveway and went into the house. He found Karen at the kitchen table, balancing the checkbook. There were papers scattered over the surface of the table, but Ed didn’t look at them.

“Hey,” he said, stopping in the doorway to the kitchen.

Karen looked up, a small smile playing on her lips as she looked him over. He was still wearing his flight suit, but he had removed his parachute pack and left it in the car with his flight bag.

“Hi,” Karen said, looking at him curiously. “Where are you headed?”

“Nowhere,” he said. “I just got back from Ellington. Gordo and I took up a couple of jets.”

“Oh,” she said, setting down the checkbook. “Everybody okay? Nobody had to be rescued from the Gulf this time?”

“No.” Ed smiled sheepishly. “No, everyone is fine.”

“That’s good.” She paused briefly. “How are you?” she asked. “How’s Kelly?”

“We’re...okay,” he said. “You?”

“I’m okay.”

He nodded slowly, letting his gaze wander around the kitchen, not looking at anything in particular.

“What’s going on, Ed?” she asked finally.

He scratched at the back of his neck, and as he lowered his hand, he said, “I was hoping we could talk.” He paused. “About us.”

“Okay,” she said. “Are you sure?”

He looked at her. He thought he was sure. He had been sure on the drive over. But now, looking at Karen sitting in their kitchen, he wasn’t so sure. His fear about the future of their marriage was returning. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, thinking about Gordo getting back in the T-38 after his panic attack. If he could do that, Ed could surely have a conversation with his wife.

Finally, Ed nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“All right,” Karen said, setting the checkbook down on the table. “Would you like to start?”

Ed hesitated. He didn’t know how to begin. He didn’t know what Karen was thinking or what she wanted for their relationship.

Ed thought about what he wanted. He took a deep breath and said, “I don’t want to get divorced.”

Karen nodded slowly but said nothing.

Unable to read how she was feeling or what she was thinking, he said, “I don’t know what happened.” He hesitated, stammering a bit as he continued. “With—with us. I don’t—I don’t know what went wrong.” He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. “I want to fix it, though. I want…” He trailed off and sighed softly. “I want us to be okay.”

Karen studied him for a long time. Ed still couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

“Thank you,” she said finally. “For wanting to talk about us.”

He nodded and slowly walked towards the table where she sat. “What, um—How are you...feeling about it? About us?”

Karen took a deep breath. She looked down at the table where the papers were scattered about. He glanced down as well, noting, among other things, a pamphlet for William and Mary.

“I’m glad you want to fix things,” she said, looking up at him again. “I do too.”

Ed exhaled a relieved sigh. “Good.”

“But we have a lot of work to do, Ed.”

“Okay,” he said, taking a seat to her left at the table. “You said you think we need counseling.”

“I do.”

He nodded. “If that’s what it takes to fix things, we can do that.”

“Yeah,” she said softly, almost in a whisper. She looked down at the table again, absently fingering the corner of the William and Mary pamphlet.

He glanced down at it. He knew Kelly had been considering William and Mary, but he was pretty sure that she had since decided on the Naval Academy. Ed wondered why Karen had the pamphlet out.

“That’s not all, though,” Karen said.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re an astronaut, Ed,” she began. He didn’t know where she was going with it, so he waited for her to continue. “Your whole life has been about the Navy and NASA. Which means that my whole life has been about those things too.”

She looked at him, and Ed wondered if he was supposed to understand what she was getting at. He didn’t.

“After Shane, I stopped caring so much about being the dutiful astronaut’s wife. And when I bought The Outpost, I thought I was carving my own path.”

Ed nodded his agreement.

“But that’s not true,” Karen said.

Ed furrowed his brow in confusion.

“Sure, I owned a bar. But it’s an astronaut bar. The astronauts still hang out there. Other people come in, hoping to get a glimpse of an astronaut and to buy astronaut trinkets and baubles.” She went quiet for a moment.

“I—I don’t understand.”

“My whole life still revolves around the space program. Around your career.” She paused. “I love you, Ed. And I support you. I do.”

“Okay,” he said, dragging out the word. “But?”

“But I need something just for me, Ed. I’ve never had that.”

Ed shook his head, confused. “What are you saying?”

She searched his eyes for a long moment before saying, “I’m thinking about going to business school.”

Ed opened his mouth to speak but didn’t know what to say. He would support her – of course he would – but he didn’t understand why she seemed hesitant to tell him.

“I need to be able to do something for myself. I want that, Ed.”

“Okay,” he said, still confused. “I think that’s great, Karen. You should do something for yourself.”

She glanced down at the table again. Ed followed her gaze, eyeing the William and Mary pamphlet again. His stomach knotted.

“Wait,” he uttered. “Are you…”

She looked up at him, and he could tell that she was bracing for his reaction.

“No,” he said. “You’re—You’re wanting to go to William and Mary?”

“I’m thinking about it,” she said, holding his gaze.

He got up from his seat. He paced for a few seconds and then stopped, looking at Karen who remained at the table. “You want to go to school halfway across the country?”

“Like I said, Ed, I’m thinking about it.”

“How are we supposed to work on our marriage when you’re in Virginia?”

“This semester has already begun, so the earliest I could start would be the spring semester. We would still have months before I would need to leave.”

“‘Leave,’” Ed muttered with a wry chuckle. “You want to leave?”

“What’s the big deal, Ed? You leave all the time. And space – hell, the moon – is a hell of a lot farther than the east coast.”

“That’s…” Ed trailed off, not sure what to say. She had a point. He hated that she had a point, but she did.

“Don’t say ‘that’s different,’ Ed. It’s not. Your entire career – our entire marriage – has been based on you leaving. Going to war. Going to space.”

“Yeah, but…” Ed waved a hand, unsure how to continue. It felt different to him, but he couldn’t figure out why.

“But what, Ed? Is it because it’s me leaving this time? It’s okay as long as you are the one who gets to leave, but it’s not okay if it’s me. Is that it?”

“I…” That was part of it, but Ed didn’t want to admit it. He knew that would only anger Karen. “I thought you wanted to work on our marriage.”

“I do, Ed. It doesn’t have to be either-or. We can do both.”

“How?” he demanded, raising his voice. “You’ll be gone for months at a time.”

“You were on the moon for months, Ed,” she said plainly.

“Yeah, but—But we still talked. We had the video comms.”

“We can still do that,” Karen said. “I’ll get a comm for my apartment in Virginia.”

“Your…” Ed shook his head in disbelief. “Your apartment?”

“Yeah, I don’t imagine I’ll stay in the dorms.”

“I don’t—You’ve already decided this, haven’t you?”

“I haven’t,” she said. “Not for sure. But it is something I’m seriously considering, Ed.”

“I…” Ed trailed off, shaking his head again. He didn’t understand what was happening. “I came here to talk about us,” he said, his voice strained with emotion. “And now you’re telling me you want to leave. You want to go halfway across the country instead of staying here to work on our marriage.”

“Not ‘instead of,’” Karen said.

“I don’t—I can’t listen to this right now.” Eyes stinging, Ed turned and headed for the door.

“Ed,” Karen said from behind him.

Something screamed at him to stop. To turn around and go back. To finish talking with Karen and figure things out. But he didn’t listen. He stormed out the front door, hopped in his Corvette, and sped towards the Shamrock.

[apollos-boyfriend]

i was cuddling with my boyfriend last night when his shoulder started tensing up (like he was readjusting or gently pushing me off) and when i asked him if he was okay or needed me to move or something he went “no you’re fine, i was just imagining myself pulling a large rope. i didn’t even realize my shoulder was doing that lmao” then refused to elaborate and i have never been as attracted to him as i was in that moment.

[ionomycin]

temple at the end of the road

[unaloid]

[specks-of-time]