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gordopickett · 3 months ago

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And If It’s Not Okay... (For All Mankind post-s2 fix-it fic)

*** Chapter 49 is up! ***

Chapter Title: Commiserate

Chapter Summary: After their visit to the cemetery, a night of commiserating turns into something else for Gordo and Tracy.

And for those who would like to read the chapter here on Tumblr...

*******

Gordo sat beside Tracy on a stool at the bar of a restaurant a couple of blocks from their hotel in Arlington, Virginia. They had just eaten dinner and were having a couple of drinks.

After visiting Vance Paulson’s grave, the two of them had gone to Jon Gatos’s grave next. Tracy hadn’t really known him at all. They had met once or twice on the base, but Jon was in the control room, and Tracy was flying the LSAM. Their paths didn’t cross too often at Jamestown.

Gordo, however, had trained with Jon. They hadn’t spent much time together outside of work, besides getting a few post-work drinks and having some laughs. And they had usually done that with the rest of the mission crew along as well. But Jon was a good guy, and Gordo couldn’t help but think about how that could have been Tracy and him instead. They could have been the two buried in Arlington National Cemetery instead of, or along with, Vance and Jon.

“We were lucky,” Gordo said softly beside Tracy. He picked up his glass of whiskey and took a gulp.

“That’s one word for it, I guess,” Tracy said.

Gordo nodded. “I don’t really get it, though.”

“What?”

“Why we were spared,” he clarified. “Why we didn’t die up there.” He sniffed and looked at Tracy. “We were out on the surface of the moon without spacesuits.” He paused, searching Tracy’s face. “How did we survive that?”

She shook her head slowly. “No idea.”

“Jon was in the control room. He should’ve been safe there. And Vance had a spacesuit and a gun.”

“I know,” Tracy said quietly. “There’s just no rhyme or reason for the way things happen sometimes.”

Gordo took a deep breath. As he exhaled heavily, he let out a wry chuckle, shaking his head. He lifted his whiskey and took another drink.

“I used to go visit Deke’s memorial on the moon,” Tracy said.

Gordo looked at her. He realized, in the short time that he had been at Jamestown the last time, that he hadn’t seen the memorial. He wondered if he ever would.

“I’d go there when I was feeling overwhelmed or lonely or isolated,” Tracy continued. “It helped.”

Gordo watched her closely. “Good.”

“Yeah. I’d complain about whatever was bothering me, and then I’d imagine what he would say.”

Gordo offered a small smile. “What would he say?”

“He’d tell me to get over it,” Tracy said with a soft chuckle. “Or remind me that being up there on the moon – being an astronaut – was everything I had worked for. Everything I had wanted.”

Gordo nodded. “It’s not always as glamorous as it seems.”

“No. But thinking about what Deke would say usually helped stop my pity party and made me realize that I could keep going.”

Gordo smiled. “That’s good.”

“Yeah.” She took a drink of her whiskey before continuing. “You know he tried to get me to quit? Deke. When I was an astronaut candidate.”

“Really?” Gordo hadn’t heard about that. But he was reminded of when Tracy had considered quitting herself. Gordo had tried to convince her to see it through, and it had turned into a big blowout between them.

“By then, I had realized just how much I wanted it. I told him, basically, that I wasn’t going to quit, and that if he wanted me to leave, he’d have to cut me.”

Gordo chuckled quietly. “Good for you. You have never been one to let anyone tell you what to do.”

“No.” She laughed softly. “Definitely not.”

“And look at you now,” Gordo said, eyeing Tracy with pride. “Saving the moon. The Medal of Honor.” He paused before adding, “It’s a shame he’s not still here to see it all.”

“Yeah,” Tracy agreed. “A lot of good people have died in the name of the future of space travel.”

“I remember when everything was so carefree,” Gordo said. “Maybe that was just me back then. I don’t know. People had died before that.”

“No one we really knew, though,” Tracy pointed out. “Not that that makes it any less tragic. We just didn’t have to deal with the grief so much personally.”

“Yeah,” Gordo said. “That’s probably a big part of it.”

Tracy eyed him curiously.

Gordo continued, explaining, “I felt like I was on top of the world back then. Like I could have anything I wanted. Do anything I wanted. It was all just there for the taking. Space travel. Getting missions.” Gordo smiled, recalling his time on Apollo 10. “Seeing the moon that close for the first time.” He exhaled heavily, chuckling a little. “It was exhilarating. And then my first mission to Jamestown. We know how that turned out, but beforehand—God, I was so excited.”

“I remember,” Tracy said gently.

“I couldn’t believe that I was not only getting to land on the moon for my first time, but that I was going to be living up there temporarily. That I was going to get to be one of the first people to ever live on the moon.” He paused, recalling that feeling. He remembered how excited he had been at his launch and when he, Ed, and Dani had stepped foot on the surface of the moon together. He smiled. “That was one of the best feelings I’d ever had.”

“And then reality sunk in,” Tracy said.

“Mm,” Gordo hummed. “Yeah. A hundred and forty-five days on the moon. That was unexpected.” He paused. “It all just fell apart, week after week. Every time they told us it was going to be ‘another two weeks,’ I could feel it chipping away at my enthusiasm and my sanity.” He looked at Tracy, offering a wry smile. “Just knowing that you were back on earth, getting more and more impatient with me and us and that there was nothing I could do about it.” He paused, finishing his whiskey in one big gulp. He caught the bartender’s attention and tapped his glass for another. It would be his third. “I was such an optimist before that.”

“I think you’re still an optimist,” Tracy said. “Just now with a healthy dose of realism to go with it.”

“Yeah.” Gordo smiled a little. “Maybe.”

The bartender brought him another whiskey, and Gordo thanked him.

“You know, Ed blames himself for all of it,” Tracy said. “When we were both up the other night, unable to sleep, he told me that.”

“Yeah,” Gordo said. He had had that conversation with Ed on the side of the road a week and a half earlier. “I know he does. It wasn’t his fault, though.”

“No,” Tracy agreed. “That’s just something he’s going to have to get through himself.”

“Yeah.”

“Speaking of getting through things,” Tracy began.

“What?” Gordo asked.

“How are you doing?” Tracy asked. “With everything. With...the panic attacks. And therapy.”

“Mm. Okay, I think.” They had discussed his first therapy appointment with Dr. Ozarin on the three-hour flight from Houston to Arlington, so Tracy already knew the details of the session.

“Do you think she’ll help you?”

“I hope so,” Gordo said. “Probably.” He sniffed and took a sip from his whiskey glass. “I feel more open this time around.”

Tracy nodded. “Well, you’ve been through it before.”

“Yeah. I just—I didn’t open up enough with Dr. Marsten. And I didn’t feel like I dealt with everything very well.”

Tracy nodded, watching him. “You should open up to her. Dr. Ozarin. You need that, Gordo. And I’m here this time too, okay?”

Gordo looked at Tracy and smiled, glad to hear it. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

She took a drink, and he did the same.

Then, he asked, “Do you think you’ll ever go back?”

“To Jamestown?”

“Yeah. Or just to space in general.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Not anytime soon.”

“Yeah.”

“What about you?”

“Same,” Gordo said. “We went through a lot up there. And back here.”

“We’re still going through it,” Tracy pointed out, waving a hand that Gordo assumed was to indicate their reason for visiting Arlington.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “And it was a lot to put our boys through.”

Tracy nodded. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “And now one of those boys wants to be an astronaut too.”

“Maybe we can steer him away from that,” Gordo said hopefully.

Tracy chuckled. “Right. Good luck with that.”

“I know.” Gordo laughed softly. “I don’t think anything is going to stop him from becoming an astronaut.”

“Can you blame him?” Tracy asked. “Both of his parents are astronauts. I’m just relieved that Jimmy doesn’t have that dream as well.”

“Me too, honestly,” Gordo said. “But I just wonder…”

“About what?”

“If any of this has turned Danny off from that dream. If his parents nearly dying has changed anything for him.”

“I don’t know,” Tracy uttered. “I mean, he has always known the risks. He’s always known how dangerous it is.”

“Yeah,” Gordo agreed. “But knowing it and seeing it nearly happen to someone you love are two different things.”

“True.” Tracy shrugged a shoulder. “I feel like Danny is going to charge through that. If it were Jimmy, he might have second thoughts. But Danny…”

Gordo nodded and took a drink before saying, “No man, woman, or beast is going to keep Danny from becoming an astronaut, if that’s what he wants to do.” He smiled at Tracy, adding, “He’s a lot like his mom in that way.”

Tracy smiled, locking eyes with Gordo. They held each other’s gaze for a long moment. Gordo felt something stirring in him. He glanced at Tracy’s lips.

“You ready to head back to the hotel?” Tracy asked.

Gordo’s stomach clenched. He didn’t know if it was an innocent question or a suggestive one. He nodded, hoping for the latter.

Gordo gulped the rest of his whiskey and paid for their meals and drinks. Then, they walked the two blocks back to their hotel together and went up to their room. Tracy had booked a single room for the two of them. There were two queen-sized beds, but Gordo didn’t know whether or not Tracy booking one room for them had meant something more than simply saving a few bucks.

Tracy unlocked the door and went inside. Gordo followed her into the hotel room and latched the door behind him. Tracy turned on a lamp and removed her shoes, placing them neatly beside the television stand.

“What did you mean?” Gordo asked, watching her. “At Jamestown.”

Tracy looked at him, brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“My first night there,” he continued. “When we were smoking in the airlock.” He took a couple of slow steps towards Tracy who just watched him curiously. “‘Catch me if you can,’” Gordo reminded her. “That’s what you said.”

A slow smile formed on Tracy’s lips. “I did.”

“What did that mean?” he asked. “Was that just harmless flirting, or…?”

Tracy tilted her head slightly, eyes sparkling despite the dim light in the room. “What do you think it meant?”

“I think it was a challenge,” Gordo said. “I had just confessed my feelings to you. Confessed that I wanted you back. I had just told you that I wouldn’t be happy again until I was back with you.”

Tracy just watched him. She looked a little amused but also curious as to where he was going with it all. Wondering why he had brought it up.

“And then you told me to catch you if I can.” He slowly closed the gap between them. They were half an arm’s length away. “I think you wanted to see just how much I wanted you back.” Gordo stared down at Tracy as she stared up at him.

“Is that what you’re doing now?” she asked, offering a small smirk. “Trying to catch me?”

Gordo searched her eyes, remembering why he had fallen in love with her twenty-two years earlier. Quietly, he said, “Only if you’ll be caught.”

Tracy held his gaze for a long moment. “Are you drunk?” she asked softly after a few moments, catching him off guard.

He shook his head. “Only a little uninhibited.”

“So, your normal self,” Tracy said with a grin.

Gordo chuckled. “Are you drunk?”

“I had one whiskey.”

“Were you changing the subject by asking me?” Gordo said.

“No. Just curious if this is you talking or the alcohol.”

“It’s me, Trace,” Gordo assured her. “It’s always me.”

She nodded slightly, watching him. He could see the debate in her eyes.

“It can just be about tonight,” he whispered.

“Because everyone has sex after a funeral?” Tracy asked with a smirk.

Gordo smiled. “Something like that.”

“Or...whatever this was that we just did today.”

Gordo nodded. “Close enough.”

He had sort of felt like they had attended a funeral. They had missed Vance’s and Jon’s actual funerals, so their visit to Arlington had been their version. And afterwards, Gordo had felt a lot like he usually did after real funerals that he had attended in the past. Sad. A little numb. Wanting to feel something good.

Tracy still held his gaze, so Gordo slowly leaned in. He remembered how she had pulled away at Jamestown when he had done that.

She didn’t pull away now.

He kissed her softly on the lips, suddenly missing that feeling with her and aching for more. She returned the kiss, and Gordo reached up, gently placing his hand on the side of her neck. Tracy put her hands on his waist, gently at first and then more firmly as they deepened their kiss.

They moved to the bed closer to the window. Tracy slid her hands up to his biceps and pushed him back towards the bed. He backed up until his legs ran into the bed, and he sat down on the end of it. Tracy knelt on the bed, her knees on either side of his thighs. He put his hands on her waist as she leaned down to kiss him hard on the mouth. A soft moan escaped his lips.

Gordo felt Tracy’s hands at his waist, pulling his shirt up. He let her pull it off over his head, and then she tossed it to the floor.

She urged him to move back on the bed, and he did, lying on his back on the neatly-made bed, with his head on one of the pillows. Still fully clothed, Tracy straddled his hips. He felt the warmth of her hands on his bare torso as she gently caressed his sides, chest, and stomach.

He took a deep breath, hoping not to break whatever spell had been cast between them. Then, Tracy leaned down, kissing him on the mouth again as she unfastened his pants.

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gordopickett · 3 months ago

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And If It’s Not Okay... (For All Mankind post-s2 fix-it fic)

*** Chapter 48 is up! ***

Chapter Title: Valkyries

Chapter Summary: Tracy and Gordo visit Arlington National Cemetery.

And for those who would like to read the chapter here on Tumblr...

*******

Tracy stood beside Gordo at Vance Paulson’s gravesite in Arlington National Cemetery. They had rented a car at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport and driven seven minutes to the cemetery. The cemetery was awe-inspiring. She knew that both she and Gordo had a place there after their deaths – hopefully in the very distant future – as did their children. She had never seen anything quite like Arlington before, and knowing that all of the gravestones marked the burial sites of so many men and women fallen in battle was sobering.

“You okay?” Gordo asked softly beside her.

“Yeah,” Tracy whispered.

She looked down at Vance’s grave marker, reading over his name, dates of birth and death, and rank in the United States Marine Corps. The other etchings on his stone denoted that he had received both the Medal of Honor and the Defense Distinguished Service Medal, just like Gordo had. A chill went up Tracy’s spine.

“This could have been us,” she said, her voice catching in her throat.

Gordo said nothing, but Tracy could see out of the corner of her eye that he was nodding his acknowledgment. She wondered if he was feeling as choked up as she was.

“He was a good man,” Tracy continued.

“He had all good things to say about you,” Gordo added.

Tracy smiled. She recalled when she had introduced Vance to Gordo. Gordo had just arrived at Jamestown, and Tracy and Vance had just returned from the mining site.

“That was a wild ride,” Tracy said. “Flying the LSAM with Vance and the others outside on the skids.”

“Sounds like it.”

Tracy couldn’t believe they had gone from that exhilarating ride to Vance being shot down in Jamestown in such a short time.

“I tried to get him to turn around.”

“What?” Gordo asked. “When?”

“When the Russians were in the base. When you and I were in the galley.”

“Right,” Gordo said quietly.

“He was right outside the door, and I could see that Russian bastard down the hall. I tried to get Vance to turn around, but he couldn’t hear me.”

Gordo sighed quietly next to her, and then he put his arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“He was gone,” Tracy said, snapping her fingers. “Just like that.”

Gordo squeezed her against his side. Neither said anything for a long time. Then, Tracy began to hum.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Gordo look at her.

She kept going, humming the tune they had all sung on the flight out to the mining site. Ride of the Valkyries. It was a slower version, which sounded sad to her ears, but she couldn’t bring herself to speed it up. It didn’t have the same gung-ho pacing as when they had all sung it on the LSAM, but that seemed fitting to Tracy.

After a few bars, Tracy stopped humming. Her eyes stung with tears. Her throat constricted as she spoke. “That could have been us,” she repeated her thought from moments earlier.

“I know,” Gordo whispered, giving her another squeeze.

“Instead of us visiting Vance and Jon, it could have been Danny and Jimmy visiting us.”

Gordo inhaled sharply, letting it out slowly, audibly. Tracy glanced at him for the first time since arriving at Vance’s grave. His eyes glistened with tears as he looked down at the grave marker. Then, he met her gaze.

“But it’s not,” he whispered

“No,” she agreed. “It’s not.” She returned her focus to Vance’s gravestone. Then, softly, she said, “Goodbye, Vance.” She chuckled quietly, adding, “Thanks for keeping me young.”

Gordo gave her another squeeze and kissed her temple. She turned in his arm, wrapping both of hers around his waist. He held her with both arms, kissing the top of her head.

Tracy closed her eyes, letting Gordo’s embrace comfort her. She missed his arms around her. And she knew that she could get used to it again. She almost had. They had been nearly inseparable since their return from Jamestown, and spending so much time with him made Tracy feel more comfortable than she had in years.

She took a few deep breaths, letting them relax her muscles. When she and Gordo parted, Tracy sniffled. Gordo reached up and gently brushed his thumb over her cheek, wiping away a tear that had escaped her eye.

She looked up at him. He searched her eyes, his own still glistening with tears. She felt a tug in her chest, a pull towards Gordo that she hadn’t felt in more than ten years. But it was familiar and comfortable, and suddenly it seemed like just yesterday that she had felt that same pull.

“You okay?” he whispered.

She nodded, swallowing around the lump in her throat. “Let’s go visit Jon.”

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gordopickett · 3 months ago

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And If It’s Not Okay... (For All Mankind post-s2 fix-it fic)

*** Chapter 47 is up! ***

Chapter Title: Hoping for Closure

Chapter Summary: Tracy talks with Jimmy and Gordo talks with Ed about their impending trip to the east coast.

And for those who would like to read the chapter here on Tumblr...

*******

It was nearly four in the afternoon when Tracy stepped into the doorway of her younger son’s bedroom. The door was open, and Jimmy was seated at his desk, playing Atari on his computer. Tracy watched the game for a few moments, wondering what the fascination with video games was. Jimmy seemed to love them – even Gordo could get into them sometimes – but Tracy didn’t understand the draw.

“Hey,” Tracy said after a few moments. “How you doing?”

“Good,” Jimmy said, not tearing his focus away from the computer screen. “About to set the reactor to explode.”

“What are you playing?” Tracy asked.

“Caverns of Mars.”

Tracy watched the computer. There was a blue image moving down a black screen, with misshapen red borders along each side. She assumed the blue image was a spaceship and the red borders were meant to represent the rock walls of a cavern.

“Ah,” Tracy uttered watching Jimmy’s progress in the game.

“You have to set the reactor to detonate,” Jimmy explained as he reached the bottom of the cavern. “And then haul ass up out of the cavern before it explodes.”

“Jimmy,” Tracy chastised for his language.

“Sorry.”

She smirked and shook her head. Jimmy finished setting the reactor to blow and then flew up out of the cavern.

Tracy didn’t know what the point of the game was or why the goal was to blow a reactor on Mars. But it made her think of the nuclear reactor on the moon. The point of that reactor was definitely not to explode. But it very nearly had.

It was difficult to wrap her mind around what had happened at Jamestown. It was even more difficult to believe that people had died up there. That Vance had died up there. She hadn’t known him before Jamestown, but they had developed a good working relationship – and friendship, really – while they were there. She hated that she hadn’t been able to attend his funeral, but she was glad that Gordo had suggested visiting Arlington.

Everything that had occurred after the Russians had breached Jamestown had happened so quickly. Tracy kept thinking about that night – about Gordo singing to her and dancing with her and pouring wine for her that had been smuggled in a mouthwash bottle. Gordo’s flirtation and their familiar banter had felt good and comfortable at the time. She had had no idea just how much things were going to change within a few short hours.

Suddenly, the Russians had infiltrated the base, the reactor was melting down, and Gordo and Tracy were risking their lives to fix it.

And then everything after that had happened so slowly. Tracy and Gordo were lying side-by-side in the med bay, unsure whether or not they were going to live and in too much pain to do anything other than hold each other’s hands. Tracy woke up a couple of days later, in pain but feeling much better. Dr. Kouri had told Tracy that she was going to be okay, but at that time, the doc hadn’t been able to say the same about Gordo.

Tracy’s first thought had been, Damn it, Gordo, for a few reasons. She didn’t want to have to tell their kids that their daddy had died. She didn’t think she could handle that. But she was also cursing him for making her feel something for him again. She would always love Gordo, but the feelings she had re-developed at Jamestown were more than that. Gordo had shown up to Jamestown happier than she had seen him in years, and he had not only confessed his feelings to her but had also taken responsibility for everything that had gone wrong between them in their marriage. She had felt something stirring within her at that, but she hadn’t had enough time at Jamestown to figure out what it meant.

After Gordo had started to get better, and after their return to earth, things had been sort of a blur. She and Gordo were so focused on healing and making sure the kids were okay. And then everything that had happened with Sam had sort of jumped front and center for Tracy. She and Gordo were physically okay. They were on the mend, feeling better, and they had both been cleared to fly again.

They had yet to return to work, and Tracy wasn’t sure how she felt about going back, let alone how Gordo felt about it. The losses of both Vance and Jon were starting to weigh on them. Tracy could feel a lot of that herself, but she knew that Gordo was struggling with everything even more than her.

She was concerned about him – concerned about the panic attack he had had – but she was glad that he was going back to therapy. She hoped it would help him process what had happened so that he could move forward.

“Did you need something?”

Tracy looked at Jimmy as she was pulled from her thoughts. “Oh. I just wanted to talk to you about something. But I’ll wait until you’re at a stopping point.”

“It’s fine. I’m done. I got out of the cavern in time.”

“Oh, okay,” Tracy said. “Good job.”

“So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

Well,” she began, walking over to his bed and sitting down on the edge of it.

Jimmy turned sideways in his chair to look at her. He rested his arm on top of the chair back. “Is everything okay?” he asked. “Is Dad okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine,” Tracy said with a small smile that she hoped was reassuring. “Everything’s fine.”

“Okay,” Jimmy said, uncertainty in his voice.

“You know that a couple of people died at Jamestown,” Tracy began.

“Yeah.”

“Well, we knew them. Vance—He was one of the Marines sent up there to help with the Russian threat. Anyway, he and I knew each other.”

“Oh,” Jimmy uttered, furrowing his brow. “I didn’t know that. I’m sorry, Mom.”

“Thanks, baby.” Tracy smiled wryly. “And Jon was the other man who died.” She paused. “He trained for Jamestown 91 with your dad.”

“Oh,” Jimmy repeated.

“We just—We were still recovering at Jamestown when their bodies were sent back to earth. They had funeral services and everything, but your daddy and I…”

“You missed them,” Jimmy finished.

Tracy nodded. “Yeah. We did.”

“I’m sorry,” Jimmy said again.

“Thanks. Yeah. So, that’s kind of been bothering us a bit.”

Jimmy nodded but said nothing.

“We’re planning to go to Arlington soon. We think that might help.”

“Arlington Cemetery? In Virginia?”

Tracy nodded. “We can go this weekend if you’d like to come with us. Otherwise, we’re thinking about flying out tomorrow morning.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Tracy watched her son, waiting for him to think it over.

“Um,” he uttered finally. “I don’t know.”

“What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t have to go.”

“Are you okay with me and your dad going?”

Jimmy hesitated. “How long would you be gone?”

“Probably just overnight. We’d come back the next day.”

“Okay.” He paused for a few moments before saying, “That’s fine.”

“You sure?”

He nodded.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay here?,” Tracy asked.

“Yeah,” Jimmy said. “I mean, Ed and Kelly will be here too, so I won’t be alone.”

“I know. I just want to make sure you’re okay with us going.”

“I think so,” Jimmy said.

“Well, if you’re not,” Tracy began, “you let me know, all right? Your daddy and I can go to Arlington another time.”

“No, it’s fine,” Jimmy said quickly. “You want to go.”

“We think it might help bring a little bit of closure,” Tracy said. “We’re hoping so, anyway.”

Jimmy nodded. “Then, you should go.”

“All right,” Tracy said, smiling gently at her son. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us? We might visit Danny while we’re out there.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine here.”

“All right,” Tracy said. “But if you change your mind…”

“I know where to find you.”

Tracy smiled. “Okay.”

***

“So, you and Tracy are headed out in the morning?” Ed asked.

Gordo and Ed were seated around the fire pit in the back yard. Flames lapped eight inches above the firewood.

“Yeah. She’s wanting to visit Arlington.” Gordo paused before adding, “We both are.”

Ed nodded slowly.

Gordo could feel his friend’s eyes on him. “We didn’t get to go to the funerals.”

“I know,” Ed said gently.

“Did you go?” Gordo asked.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Did it help?”

Ed was quiet for a few long moments while Gordo stared into the dancing flames.

“I don’t know,” Ed said finally. “I put them up there.” He paused before adding, “I put all of you up there, and two of you died.”

“Wasn’t Vance sent up with the Marines?”

“Yeah,” Ed said, his voice low and rumbling. “But I pushed for guns on the moon. I thought it was the only way to take back the mining site and hold it against the Russians.”

Gordo looked at him. Ed looked miserable as he stared into the fire.

“You couldn’t have known,” Gordo told him.

“I should have,” Ed said. “Guns on the moon.” He scoffed. “What were we thinking?”

“The Russians had guns too.”

“Yeah, but we used them first. The Russians didn’t even have them at the mining site.”

Gordo sighed quietly. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“It damn well feels like it.”

“Only to you,” Gordo reminded him. “No one else blames you for what happened.”

“If you or Tracy had died too—”

“But we didn’t,” Gordo interrupted. “We’re fine. And we knew the risks, Ed. You have to stop doing this.”

Ed exhaled sharply, still staring into the fire. Finally, he said, “I hope your visit gives you two some kind of closure.”

Gordo nodded, returning his attention to the crackling fire in front of him. “Thanks.” He hoped so too. “Jimmy’s staying here,” Gordo told him. “Tracy talked to him, and he doesn’t want to go with us.”

“Okay.”

“Will you keep an eye on him while we’re gone?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks.”

Ed nodded.

“And thanks for looking after the boys while we were at Jamestown.”

Ed looked at him then. “You don’t have to thank me for that.”

“Yeah, well, I appreciate it all the same.”

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