#and if I force myself to talk more I always end up blurting out some weird shit

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

When you look slightly off putting and try very hard not to look like you are glaring at all grocery store staff with the face of an 18year old on a 27 year old woman, but the guy who bags groceries has recognized you for coming in every week to every other week and has apparently caught on that your face is just like that and you’re trying to look nice and it’s such a big relief

No image

[thatfandomslut]

Janis's Ending

Janis's part two ending to It's a Competition.

Word Count: 1.2k

Trigger Warnings: descriptions of making out

Cady Heron wasn't the best at holding in information as she sat next to (Y/n) in their English class. As soon as the bell rang, the teacher instructed them to start on their writing assignment, but Cady couldn't focus on the work in front of her. This was something (Y/n) quickly came to realize as their desk began to shake with every bounce of Cady's knee. "What's wrong, Cady? You're making my 'r' turn into an 'm.'" (Y/n) said, placing a hand on Cady's shoulder to hopefully provide some aid in calming her down. However, Cady almost became more tense under (Y/n)'s touch.

"I need to know who you have a crush on." Cady blurted out, causing (Y/n)'s eyes to widen as she eyed Cady suspiciously. She sat there in silence, slowly retrieving her hand from her shoulder as she processed Cady's blunt request. "Okay, I know I kind of blurted that out, but I've been struggling to keep my thoughts on a few things to myself, but if you tell me who you like, I can focus better. Of course, I know that's personal and something you probably don't want to share, so don't feel forced."

(Y/n) bit her lip to hide her snicker over Cady's rambling as she cleared her throat in order to catch Cady's attention. She gave herself a moment under the strawberry blonde's watchful gaze as she considered the possibilities that might occur if she told the person she liked her feelings. "Okay, but don't laugh… I know that she'll never like me back." (Y/n) sucked in a breath as she looked around to make sure no one else was listening. Unlike Gretchen, she trusted Cady with a secret like this. "I like Janis. Which, I know, is crazy. She's so cool and always has an opinion on everything. I really admire how outspoken she is." (Y/n) sighed, resting her cheek on her fist.

Cady took a moment to let the information sink in as she examined (Y/n)'s face gently. She had never heard (Y/n) get so vulnerable with anyone before. A slow smile snuck up on her face as she nudged (Y/n) gently. "I think you're amazing and Janis would be lucky to have you in her life." She said softly, watching a small smile tug at the corner of (Y/n)'s lips. There was a brief moment of realization that Regina was sure to go into a frenzy, but Cady stuffed that fear away. "Maybe you could just talk to her. I know it sounds scary, but Janis appreciates bold people. Why not be bold?" She questioned as her eyebrows wiggled playfully.

(Y/n) tapped her knees gently as she looked over at Cady in thought. "I don't know," she hummed softly, glancing out the window for a moment. "I mean, Janis does seem like the person to like bold people, but I don't know if I'm bold enough to tell her how I feel. Very cowardly, I know." (Y/n) sighed softly, looking down at her paper that barely held anything on it. She was now too distracted to work on the prompt given to them by the teacher. Normally, she was good at writing prompts, but right now, with Janis on her mind, it was safe to say she wasn't sure how to proceed with her paper on 'What Does Love Mean To You?'

Cady knew it wasn't her place to tell Janis, but she did accidentally let it slide to Damian after English class when they were heading to meet with their resident artist.

"She what? Tell me exactly what she told you, Cady." Janis had her hands on Cady's shoulders as she looked deeply into her blue eyes. She was searching for any hint of a lie on the girl's features. She didn't want to find a lie, of course, but that's what she felt like she would find. "You have to tell me now, Cady. You didn't think Damian would just keep this information from me, did you? He's literally my best friend and the biggest gossip we know."

Janis was right, but Cady couldn't help but narrow her eyes at Damian briefly, even as he held his hands up as if to say he was innocent. Which he wasn't. "Fine, just loosen your grip on my shoulders." Cady winced as Janis sent a sheepish, apologetic grin and let go of her shoulders, offering them both a small rub when she did. "Thank you… She said she likes you and admires how you're outspoken. Speaking of outspoken, I think you should just talk to her. I was your middle man, I gave you the information, now it's your turn." Cady told Janis, crossing her arms gently as she looked over to where Regina, Gretchen, and Karen were waiting for her. "I have to go now." She said timidly as she walked off to meet with the Plastics.

"She's right," Damian spoke up with his signature smirk. Janis knew that Cady was right, too. She now just needed to figure out how she was going to ask (Y/n) out officially. That's when an idea began to formulate in her mind. Texting (Y/n) to meet her in the park, Janis decided she would ask (Y/n) out while teaching her how to skateboard. This was something she promised to do a couple of months back but hadn't had the chance to.

When the time came around, Janis smiled as she stood up from the picnic bench when she saw (Y/n). "Hey, stranger," she greeted as she held out a board for (Y/n). For a moment, (Y/n) looked confused before realizing what was going on. Janis watched a giant smile break out of (Y/n)'s face as she placed the skateboard down, trying to get on it. Janis helped her, taking her hands softly. "I remembered you wanted to learn, and I finally got the chance to teach you. You're going to want to kick gently. Lean forward to go left and lean backward to go right. We'll go slow." Janis said as (Y/n0's fingers laced between her own.

"Am I doing it right?" (Y/n) asked as she began to kick off, her knees wobbling as she tried to maintain her balance. Janis quickly stabilized her, causing her to grow confident as her knees stopped wobbling as much. "So, lean this way for left… and this way for right." (Y/n) tested it, the board slipping from under her. A small yelp escaped her lips as her eyes squeezed together, however; the fall she expected never came. Instead, she was carefully wrapped in Janis's arms.

Janis smiled down at her as she processed that she was no longer falling. She tried to thank Janis but nothing left her lips. Instead of her crashing and burning, her lips came crashing onto Janis's, who quickly reciprocated the kiss. Janis kept her in a solid grip as they kissed, (Y/n) gaining more of her balance as she wrapped her arms around Janis's neck. "I've been waiting a long time to do that," Janis said with a cheeky smile playing on her face.

"Me too," (Y/n) whispered a bit breathlessly. "We don't have to stop though." She added and the two reconnected once more.

By the end of the night, Janis had sent Damian and Cady a text that said 'Guess who has a girlfriend bitches?' The competition was won by Janis, not that she cared about it. She only cared that sitting right beside her, telling her about a new movie she saw in theaters, was her girlfriend.

[hollie-san]

hiii oso is my f/o as well >.< can you write a fic where his brothers try to set the two of you up because your crushes are sooo obvious !!!

oh hello!! i wasn't thinking anyone would be interested in requests from me haha, yes i'd love to! it's only a little blurb, but i hope it's to your liking. happy to see more oso simps lol, welcome!

You're Telling Me It's Not A Joke? (Oso / GN!Reader)

"Just ask him out already," Choromatsu deadpans.

"HUH-HAHA?" It's a little dramatic but I can't help myself, tripping over my own two feet despite not moving an inch.

"It's getting gross for all of us to watch you two."

"Ah, ah," Jyushimatsu nods uncomfortably in agreement.

"What- What are you talking abouuuut..?" I look away from them, only to realize my gaze has returned to my favorite red hoodie across the fishing spot.

Choro crosses his legs and adjusts his fishing line. "Tch. It's one thing to see you drool over my brother but it's another thing hearing him gush at home like a middle school girl."

"Like how Choromatsu-niisan talks about his idol," Jyushi holds up a sleeve.

"Exactly- hey, wait!"

Across the water, Ichimatsu makes an inaudible comment that makes Osomatsu snicker. If I'm not careful I sometimes wish that smirk was on my mouth, but I can't think like that when he's near, otherwise I'd combust.

Todomatsu says something, too, before Oso looks my way.

My heart flutters.

"Ew, see? You're doing it again, gross. Just go over there. Like right now. I'm serious. I don't wanna deal with it anymore."

"I'm just looking at him!" I whine, forcing myself to turn to the brothers next to me. "Besides, there's no way he'd like me... back..." It's the first explicit time I've verbally hinted of my stupid crush on that guy. When I get no reaction, I realize they genuinely already knew. Have I been that obvious?

"It's bewildering that you are an Osomatsu Girl," Kara speaks up, deep in thought with his chin in his hand. "But less bewildering than it is that he's a Y/N Boy!" He snaps.

"Well! Let's go and ask!" Jyushimatsu takes my hand and pulls me from my chair, dragging me around the venue towards my demise.

"Wait! I'm not ready! I can't do it! JYUSHI-SAN!"

"You're thinking too much about it, ha ha."

The worst part about this entire thing is watching Osomatsu watching me approach, and then freeze up, and then get pushed his way, and then trip into his lap. Scrambling to upright myself I sit on the ground beside him and bow my head.

"Sorry!"

"Falling for me already, Y/N-chan~?"

Ahh. His easygoing nature has always been so nice. I raise and gaze at him longingly. Todomatsu makes some lame excuse to go, and Jyushi drags Ichi along with him, leaving the two of us alone.

"Eh? Eh?? Where is everyone going?" Oso glances around anxiously before standing to follow them, then suddenly stops and gawks at me. Oh, I grabbed his shirt.

"W-Wait," I flush. "Stay with me..?"

I wish he had a more readable expression. I don't know what he's thinking as he stares, and then sits back down. He's thinking, I know that much. Now that I'm in his direct, undivided attention, though, I lose my nerve, and my voice.

"Wanted me all to yourself or something, ha ha?" He looks away and laughs, "Kidding."

"I- Yeah." The linen of my jeans makes my fingers numb. "I... did."

"...You're telling me it's not a joke?" He blurts. "Really? My brothers didn't just- this isn't a prank? Wait, do you like me, Y/N? This means you like me, right?"

"What! No!" I exclaim, then quickly shake my head, "Wait, I mean, yes! It's not a prank, I, I like... you...?" My tone weakens at the end, taking in the way his ears and cheeks redden. This suddenly feels horribly humiliating and unfair. Aren't I the only one being vulnerable here? "And you? Do you like me, too?" I lean forward and put my hands on his knees, which he yelps over.

"Are you kidding? This is- hahahaha- this is like a dream come true! You're hot, y'know? I hold back so many dirty thoughts when you wear your tank tops around us and-"

"Be serious!" I plead, shaking him.

"I am? Oh, you mean, like... say your personality is nice? I think that, too! You're funny, and nice to me, and you get cute when you talk about the things you like, and you're really sexy when you-"

"I've heard enough," I mutter, cutting him off short. My face is burning already, I don't need to explode in front of him, too. "Osomatsu-kun-"

"That, too! You only call me Osomatsu-kun and no one else, I thought you were flirting! I knew it!" He pumps his fist in victory. "Yahoo~! I get a girlfriend! We're dating right? I like you, you like me, c'mon!"

"J...Just like that?"

"What's the problem? Don't you wanna hold hands already? ...Kiss?"

"You're such a dog..." I murmur in embarrassment as he takes my hands and pulls me closer, puckering his lips.

[billthedrake]

BIRD IN THE HAND (PART TWO)

John pulled Cole's body closer. The evening had been perfect. John had made sure it was perfect. He'd figured out the jocky dude didn't seem as impressed by the big-money steak houses John had taken him to on their first dates, even though Cole pretended he did. So he booked an Italian bistro place. More buzzy but also romantic. They'd split a bottle of wine, the conversation flowed, they got dessert.

The Congressional Bro was cute as fuck. Cuter than cute. And funny. It had taken the FBI agent a couple of months to get into Cole's offbeat humor, but now he couldn't get enough. John knew he was a very attractive man, but he felt lucky to be out with this guy.

Cole's hand felt up John's chest as they reclined on his sofa, shoes off but otherwise still in their date-night clothes. Cole Walker almost regretted the way the federal agent's quarter-zip sweater and checked button-down hid that magnificent body. And John had one hell of a body.

"Mmmm... you feel nice, buddy," the 47-year-old agent said was he pulled back and took in the cute face of his date. His hands ran up and down Cole's back. He'd only known the guy for a year now but in that time Cole had packed on some more muscle. Nothing too big, but the dude felt heavier lying on top of him now.

"Yeah," Cole muttered. He had almost a frat-bro way of talking when he wasn't in professional mode. He kept it some in check around older men, too, for some reason, but it was coming out now. A contrast to his deep resonant voice. "I missed this, man."

John had been rehearsing what he'd say in his head. He wanted the timing to be right, and this felt as right a time as any. "I know I've not always been there for you, Cole," he said.

That got a surprise quiet from the younger dude. "I've never put any expectations on you," he said softly.

That made John Ricciardi feel guilty. "Maybe you should have," he blurted. "I mean... you deserve a guy who's a lot less standoffish. You're always there when I want you, whenever I call... I know it's gotta go the other way too."

"Okay," Cole muttered. His heard was pounding heavy now. After his time seeing Paul on Wednesday, he's been mulling over a lot before deciding to kick the can down the road. Turns out John wasn't gonna let him.

"So... my last name is Ricciardi," John said. "But you knew that already."

"He told you," Cole replied in a deep blush. He felt mortified to know that both John and Paul knew that Cole had slept with both brothers, repeatedly. But after a dinner date like just now, clearly John wasn't going through the motions. He decided to hear the man out.

John nodded, his eyes a little impish in their gaze. Even if Paul had a certain authoritative sexiness as an advantage of his younger brother, John had insanely smoldering looks, with green-gray eyes that seemed to suck Cole in. And a better, fitter body, even.

"He told me. I won't lie, I've always had this competitive thing with my older brother. I guess my ego was bruised a little."

"Oh John," Cole started in, but the man interrupted him.

"It's OK, buddy. Lesson learned on my end. I didn't tell you what you mean to me, because I couldn't admit it myself. That's on me."

Cole gulped.

John forced a smile and patted the ex-jock's rump. "I know I spoiled the mood, but I was hoping we'd make it back to the bedroom. The offer still stands for you to stay over if you want."

"For real?" Cole had gone into this date expecting a consolation prize, but now that he was face to face with John Ricciardi, in his arms, he couldn't imagine not see this as his boyfriend.

"I won't blame you if you wanna split." John's eyes were vulnerable and a little moist.

Cole's heart raced as he leaned in, and their lips met. There was that brief, taboo thrill that he'd been with two Ricciardi brothers. He'd spent a day or two processing that knowledge, but now, it turned him on. The way he could recognize the men were similar in a lot of ways, similar in personality even if their approach to sex was very different.

John was the better kisser and the way the law man's tongue danced just inside of Cole's mouth gave the younger man a crazy hardon. As they got deeper into the kiss the ex-jock gripped John's arms through the sweater, feeling the meaty biceps and tris. OF the two Ricciardi brothers, John was even more muscular and had incredibly pumped guns.

The older man could read the hunger in Cole's eyes when they parted. "I wanna be inside you, buddy.... now," he growled.

"Right here?" Cole asked with a naughty grin.

"I was thinking..." John started to clarify things but stopped himself. "Hell, we've never done that." The more he thought it over the more fun the idea seemed. Fucking this hottie in every room of his condo. His face got a playful leer on it. "Why don't you go fetch the lube?"

John pawed his crotch as he watched the young stud bound up excitedly. Cole was technically in his mid-20s now but still had that aura of a Georgetown soccer player. The kind of jock type John would jerk off to regularly. Before the apps, before Cole. He'd still masturbate to relieve the pent up need sometimes, but he enjoyed saving his nut for this young man. It just made the sex more powerful and enabled John to go more than one round if Cole was up for it. He usually was.

The kid practically strutted back into the room. Gone were his jeans and he wore only his button-up shirt, the tails of which opened with each step to show that long jock bone. In his hand was the bottle of lube, which he tossed to John.

"I went ahead and applied some back there," Cole admitted. "I didn't think that you might want to rim first..."

John smirked. He would have been OK with it he guessed, but mostly he was turned on by the idea that Cole wanted his cock badly. "No foreplay this time," he chuckled as he undid his own jeans and shucked them down far enough to let his fat boner pop out free.

Cole gasped at the sight. It was a beautiful dick already, but he realized he'd anticipated a look at it to compare it mentally to Paul Ricciardi's cock. Of course before there had been no reason to put two and two together. But now, the family ressemblance was undeniable. Paul and John looked similar enough, he guessed, but their cocks were almost identical.

"No foreplay," Cole repeated back to John, watching the hunky daddy type apply a thin drizzle of lube to his boner and then hold it up.

"If you need to take it slow, sexy..." John hissed.

Cole shook his head. "No way... I've fucking missed your dick."

John winced a little at that. It had been a solid two weeks since his and Cole's last time together. But even if Paul hadn't shared the details, he had a pretty good idea his brother had been buried inside this hottie just a few days ago. There was that jealous side in him, but he kept his ego in check and told himself the best way to win over a perfect guy like Cole was to be the man Cole wanted. He'd just have to figure his way to do that. And if it didn't work, it didn't work.

Cole, meanwhile, wasn't feeling any emotional complications at that moment. He was in heat. The whole week, after his fateful hook up with Paul Ricciardi, he'd been nervous things would be over with John. Or that the sexual chemistry would be ruined. But fuck, this FBI hunk was if anything hornier than ever. That fat cock felt rock hard as Cole sat down on it.

"Oh fuck, buddy," John muttered.

The entry stung a little, but Cole was determined to show off for John, to show the man he didn't always need the slow and gentle approach. He sank down onto that boner, all the way onto John's crotch.

"Jesus," the man said excitedly.

Cole was breathing heavy, almost hyperventilating as a way to deal with the shock to his insides. But fuck, the action had made John Ricciardi's dick feel big and powerful, and Cole fed off that. He'd been embarrassed sometimes by how much he loved to bottom, and he always worried about the way a man like John might think he was slutty or something.

But John's look up at Cole was one of pure lust and appreciation. Normally, he'd be checking in with the stud to make sure he was OK, but he had an intuitive sense this time, the way Cole's breathing quickly got back to normal and the way that jock dick pulsed excitedly. John gripped the soccer stud's thighs tightly and thrust up into the kid.

"Fuck yes," Cole hissed.

"You need that, buddy?" John asked excitedly.

"I do, man. Fuck."

John's thrusts were getting steady and firm. Fucking into this hot young man. As much as he normally preferred a long session with lots of making out, some teasing BJs and a real deep rim job, this was pretty incredible too. The way both men were keyed up for a quick fuck. Cole riding John's lap and bracing his hands on the man's burly chest. But mostly John fucking now, unable to get enough of the sweet slick sensation of Cole Walker's insides.

His brother had felt that too, had fucked the Walker kid, just like he was doing now. Before that would have brought the jealous flashes on, but now it just fed his excitement and the quivering pleasure in his cock. He pushed up into Cole's perfect, young body harder and faster.

"Unbutton your shirt, sexy," he hissed. His fingers now like talon's in Cole's quad muscle. As fun as it was to mate still mostly clothed, John wanted to see the dude he was nailing.

Cole had to steady his balance as his bracing hand left to undo the shirt and open it up. That had the effect of making the ex-jock core contract into a tight washboard ripple.

John fucked faster now, and guided Cole's hips up and down to exaggerate the penetration. This was intense.

"God yeah... fuck me, sir." Cole pleaded.

It was the first time Cole had dropped the s-word and John was surprised how much it turned him on. His eyes took in all of this young man's naked beauty as he felt his orgasm come on.

"Oh shit... cum in me... breed me..." Cole was losing any self consciousness about his bottomy need.

John's hips were a blur. Did Paul fuck the kid like this?

"FUCK!" he cried, loudly.

Cole's face broke into a big excited smile as he watched the lawman get his nut. John Ricciardi was so crazy handsome, but his face became something primal in orgasm.

The man's hips had frozen, locked in place to load Cole up, but Cole's hips undulated gentle against that pulsing hardon, milking out every drop he could.

As that big O began to crest, Cole gripped his own hardon.

It was John's turn to help out, he thrust up into Cole's body, not as hard now, but with enough force to press against that butt nut.

"Harder," Cole asked. More than he anticipate the angle was making his prostate sing.

John got an excited grin as he started going at it again. He had maybe a minute tops before his dick got too sensitive for this. But hopefully it wouldn't take this jock stud a minute.

Cole felt it, he really felt it. That thick Ricciardi prick now a battering ram against his sensitive inner gland. And the sloppy feeling of John's heavy load coating the way. He jerked and felt it coming.

On the spur of the moment he decided he'd try it. Right on the cusp, he let go. John's pounding prick did the rest. Cole was cumming like crazy, the sperm being pushed out of him in heavy jets. There was that intense light headed orgasm again. Maybe not exactly a Paul Ricciardi orgasm, but close.

Only when he came down from the high and regained full consciousness, did he feel mortified by what he'd down.

"Oh fuck, your sweater," Cole said. "Sorry... "

Indeed that preppy-dad style quarter-zip sweater was splotched all over with Cole's seed. Some was on John's handsome face too, which smiled in amusement.

"Ha, it'll wash out, buddy. Anyway, it was worth it. That was totally fucking hot."

Cole leaned back, displaying his body for John. He was with one of the hottest guys in DC and that was some heavy competition. But the 23-year-old knew he had the goods too, knew Ricciardi was crazy about him. "It was hot," he said. "Glad we could mix it up some."

John nodded. His prick was softening now, and he loved the wet sensation of its retreat. "Damn Cole... tell me what I gotta do to keep you. In the bedroom, out of the bedroom... if there's something I can do, I'll fucking do it, OK?"

With another guy John's approach, his emotional neediness would come across as too much. Even with Cole, from another guy it might not have worked. But he climbed off this hunk and felt his heart pound. Maybe it was the sex that hard worn his defenses down. "You know, John, I just want a fucking boyfriend. I don't know how to make that happen even, but fuck, I've been telling myself I don't want one, but I do."

John gave an empathic nod and got up off the couch, too. He was taller than Cole, by several inches and the younger man felt comforted to feel John's strong arms wrap around him and pull him close.

"We'll make it happen, buddy. In a way that works for you. But I'd be honored to be your boyfriend."

Their lips met and they made out, John leaning his head down to claim dominance in the kiss.

"Damn, bud... you hard again?" he finally asked with a chuckle.

"Maybe, yeah," Cole laughed.

John patted the young stud's rump. "All right, let me clean up some of the mess we made and we can take our time for round two."

It would take him a bit to recover and recharge. Maybe even an hour. John Ricciardi was feeling every bit his middle age and maybe had no business being with a 23-year old. But he'd decided he was gonna be every bit of the powerhouse sex stud this young man wanted him to be.

[fkinavocado]

Hear me out

1. A large group of friends (4-5 friends lol) Harry and y/n are a part of it

2. They vex each other and are always arguing, can't have a civil conversation without a mediator

3. Forced to attend outings and stuff together because they have mutual friends

4. Him being extremely mean to her for no reason (probably because she is hot and he wants her but can't have her because duh she is annoying af)

5. She is very opinionated and never refrains from speaking up for others and herself

6. On one such outing their group plays truth and dare. She chose dare and is given the dare to make Harry hard, Harry boasted that it's impossible because he hates her but she gets offended and uses her liquid courage to strangle him and kiss his neck. He is taken aback and couldn't help but end up all flustered and hard. She gives a victorious smile and he excuses himself amidst hoots and whistles

7. This results in more sexual tension and angry glares between them

8. They have a pool day at one of their friends' place one weekend and they end up having a heavy makeout session but then he leaves without having a conversation.

I had this dream (from what I can recall) NOW IS IT SOME FIC? If yes please let me know and if this isn't then I need someone to write something like this 🥹 I am a sucker for spicy enemies to lovers fics.

🍟

yes hun this does sound familiar ngl but i couldn't tell you what fic it is! i think there's loads of stuff like this out there. i enjoy a good enemies to lovers myself and i don't care that it's repetitive I usually gobble it up if it's good writing!

also i got your other prompt and saving it! the DI one that is 96% finished still isn't ready to go yet so i'm not gonna even dream of attempting sth else til that's posted!

HOWEVER

can i just say smth? i'm a bit sad. people genuinely don't care for long fics anymore. and those are exactly the kinds i love. i'm not talking a 5 part series. that's not long. i mean LONG

even the writers who used to write these super immersive fics are downsizing because ppl obviously go for shorter fics. and it's breaking my heart

i'm not saying blurbs/one-shots aren't nice too, we all love a lil fun smutty piece every now and then but when those are the ones that get over 1k notes and the multi-parts only do well for the first chapter and then get stuck at around 300 notes going further, you gotta ask yourself what's the point of even trying to write smth complex if no one's gonna bother with it

sorry for hijaking your prompt but this was on my mind and just had to blurt it out😅 it's really been irking me lately

[meimi-haneoka]

{drabble} Somewhere I belong - Kaito/Akiho

This is the second Kaito x Akiho / YunaAki drabble that is paired with the first one I wrote from Akiho's POV. Please read that one first so you can have a better understanding of the situation!

The setting is the same as the first drabble, but Kaito's thoughts drift all over the place because....well, he's Kaito. He's been officially named as the "overthinker" by CLAMP so now I'm going to call him that for quite some time 😂

As you will be able to see, while Akiho thought to herself without problems that she loved him, you won't see Kaito thinking that, here. This is a very early stage of their new life and he's still far from acknowledging any of that, but he's starting to come to terms with things, at least.

This one might be a bit more angstier than the other one, again because this is Kaito we're talking about. His self-loathing won't disappear overnight. But I hope that the finale will comfort you, at least. ❤️

Once again, I'm not a native English speaker so forgive me if any line sounds weird!

P.s. Dandelion, thank you again! P.s.2 Yes, I also like Linkin Park 😁

Excerpt:

“I’m sorry...”, I blurted out, in a whisper. Every time we ended up in this situation, I would apologize. And she would never reply to it.   Maybe an apology wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but I had yet to find out what were the right words to say. 

Kaito's POV

I don't think I'll ever be able to forget it. 

The way she looked at me when they told her everything, that night.  The way she had slowly turned her head and kept her gaze fixed on me, while the British magician rattled off all that my plan had entailed, down to the way it had affected my body. He recovered all the previous memories, and he knew Akiho-san needed an explanation more than anyone else, but also knew I was in no condition (neither mental, nor physical) to give it to her. I could feel her gaze piercing through me, while someone was helping me sitting down, as I couldn't even stand up. 

Her hands gripped tightly the tablet, shaking. Her blue eyes, usually crystalline and bright like the Caribbean Sea, darkened several shades and became like a raging storm. They once again glazed over with emerging tears, but she probably held them back, because not even one dropped. 

And I felt so weak. My guilt, growing again by the second.   I would've given anything to remove that hardened gaze from her and bring back the soft features I've always known. But you see, that was my problem.   Giving everything the way I did before wasn’t the correct answer. And I had finally surrendered to the truth, that night.  But I didn't know any other way. I simply didn't know how to express how important she is to me without pushing it to an extreme, and that was exactly how we came to that point.  

I don’t know when exactly I started to hear that voice inside of me, telling me that I wanted to connect with her. 

I could hear it every day, before I carried out my plan. Louder and louder and louder. Kicking and screaming inside of me. I tried to fight it for so long, forcing myself not to hear it. But when she asked Sakura-san to bring me back, and she stated that she refused to keep living a fabricated life, wanting to go back to what she had before with me, I suddenly grew so tired. So, so tired. I was exhausted. I didn't want to fight it anymore. 

I've fought countless magicians ever since I was a little boy, and defeated every single one of them. People kept me at a distance for that. And yet, completely oblivious to all of that, she was the one who defeated me every single time.   Even this time around, she won. She won over that brutal, devastating desire to disappear forever that had consumed my life to such degree. She won over my guilt and self-loathing that I, quite frankly, haven’t got rid of yet. 

So here I was, now, clinging to her like a lifeline in the kitchen, while I waited to regain control of my breathing. I had tried to hide it from her, the first couple of times after I got back on my feet, following that fateful night. But she found out every single time and made very clear that if we wanted to live together from now on, this had to stop. I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. Why was I fighting it again?  So I did as she requested, and by now, this was already the third episode of seizure she had witnessed. 

I didn't know.... how any of this worked. But I wanted to learn. I wanted to try. 

I was slowly starting to get it. Why I caved in and agreed to go back to her, that night, despite how confused I was and how much I still despised myself for making her cry like that.   She made me feel wanted.   Made me feel accepted. Made me feel like I finally belonged somewhere. I hadn’t realized how much I actually had yearned for that, all this time. 

I thought I was nothing to her. I thought that she could've lived perfectly fine without me, without remembering anything of what we experienced together. Because, in the end, who was I? Just her butler. I embarked on that mission with the full understanding that I would've always been just her butler, and I played that part till the end at the best of my ability. An expendable tool to let her reach the happiness she deserved.  

But I wasn't. I wasn't, and I couldn't see that. I could only finally realize it that night in the most harrowing way possible, causing that face I wished to see eternally smile to be tainted with burning tears, as she poured out all her pain. Pain that I had caused. This wasn't the kind of support she wanted from me, and I failed her terribly. 

I was willing to do anything to make things right. So when she asked me, no, rather demanded to not be kept in the dark whenever I had one of my seizures, I had no choice but to comply. That was what she wanted, and there was no way I could refuse it to her. 

But now that the medicine was finally starting to kick in, and my breathing stabilized to a more normal rate, I raised my head to look at her worried face and I couldn’t help but think how unfair all of this was on her. She was so young, and she didn’t deserve to withstand all of this because of my choices.  

“I’m sorry...”, I blurted out, in a whisper. Every time we ended up in this situation, I would apologize. And she would never reply to it.   Maybe an apology wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but I had yet to find out what were the right words to say. 

She helped me stand up and supported me all the way to the couch, where I finally laid down and released the tension from my stiffened muscles. Seizures usually left me completely exhausted and sore.  

She sat down on the floor next to the couch, and we exchanged a long, wordless stare. Her eyes were again clear and bright. Before I drifted in a dreamless heavy sleep, I remember I felt so grateful to have her by my side.   I didn’t deserve it.   But the warmth I felt in my chest, contrarily to before, felt so nice.   And I was pretty sure she was the cause of it. 

[addictedtostorytelling]

(1/2) Hi! I'd like to bother you a bit, if you don't mind. :P I was rewatching CSI and also guiding myself through your notes own our favorite couple, and I finally hit the 'proposal episode' ♥♥♥ what a beautiful take on them, it's so sweet, it's soo them! Also, Jorja's adorable face when Grissom's scrapping the bee's sting out of her hand, whilst she wonders about what he just asked her, I mean- gosh, I adore her! Anyways! What's your take on the proposal?

cont.

(2/2) Do you believe Grissom had been thinking about proposing to her before the events of s7e24/s8e01, or that was an out of the blue question? I tend to believe he had thought about that for a long time before making up his mind on the subject, as we know he likes to over analyze stuff. Also, do you happen to think Sara might have adventured herself with the idea of someday marrying him? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Thx! ;) I'm so sorry for the long post, please don't feel pressured to answer me, if you don't want to. Honestly. <3 😳💕

hi, @ms-machine!

you're not bothering me at all! it's great to hear from you again.

my short answer to your question is that i very much agree with you that grissom has proposing to sara on his mind long before he actually asks her to marry him.

though he can't very well pop the question during the "secret dating" phase, i think he pretty much always has the thought in the back of his mind (more or less from the onset of their relationship) that someday—when he is at liberty to do so—he is going to ask sara to be his wife.

her abduction by the miniature killer and subsequent months-long recovery prevents him from asking her immediately after they "come out" at work.

but once she's sufficiently healed and they've established their "new normal" now that their relationship is public knowledge, he wastes no time in doing what he has for so long wanted to do.

to my mind, when he actually makes the proposal, he does so extemporaneously, in a moment of sheer adoration—meaning when he wakes up that morning, he doesn't necessarily know "today's the day." rather, it's just something that happens. the right light strikes, and he finally has the opportunity to say what he has been waiting to say to sara for literal years now, so he doesn't hesitate.

likewise, i think that though sara has wanted grissom to propose to her basically the entire time they've been together, she's never been brave enough to let on to him that she has because she hasn't been entirely sure of his feelings for her or his level of commitment.

part of her has always worried that she's been more ready to settle down than he has. she's been worried about "coming on too strong" or spooking him, so she's just kept her mouth shut, silently hoping that maybe one day he'll be ready but trying not to force the issue or tip her hand too much.

while recently, since the events of late s7 and early s8, she has had a hunch that maybe grissom is trending more in that direction, since they haven't ever discussed the topic before, she doesn't really have any idea that he is just as eager to tie the knot as she.

she is therefore incredibly pleasantly surprised when he so suddenly asks her to marry him.

it's an actual dream come true for her—something she had always hoped for but hadn't had any specific expectations of.

anyway.

i've got some longer, more detailed posts on the subject, if you're interested:

this one details how grissom's s7 sabbatical serves as a prelude to his s8 proposal.

this one talks about grissom's thought process regarding marriage throughout his relationship with sara.

this one dissects the actual moment when he makes the proposal in itself and why he ultimately ends up just "blurting out the question."

the one conjectures that while both of grissom and sara have wanted to get married to each other for a long, prior to the events of episode 08x02 "the case of the cross-dressing carp," they've never had a conversation with each other concerning that possibility.

this one discusses how while sara has long hoped that grissom might propose to her, she is caught off-guard in the moment when he finally does so.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[psmd-lingering-shadows]

Part 0: Life In Serene Village

...

...

"...Hmm?"

...

"Zzz..."

"Oh, for the love of...Not again. This Piplup sure is something else..."

"Zzz..."

"Come on, now. It's time for you to wake up."

"Zzz..."

"Hey, wake up."

"Zzz..."

*groan*

"I SAID WAKE UP!"

"...?!"

The moment I heard that thunderous voice, my eyes instantly opened and my body shot up. However, even though my body reacted so quickly, my mind was still half-asleep. In a daze, I slowly looked around to see where I was. Uh...it looked like I was inside of a house? Then I slowly turned to the one who had forced me awake. My eyes were still blurry from just waking up, but from what I could make out, it was a big blue Pokémon with a grumpy face.

...

...Wait a minute.

A grumpy face...?

...

Oof-!

Oh, yikes. I ended up blurting that out without realizing it. I could sense the other Pokémon's irritation from what I said, but they ignored it and kept talking.

"Get up, Nozomi. You overslept."

"...?"

Overslept...?

...

...Oh.

Oh!

Oh, cripes!

At that moment, all of the drowsiness left my body and I was completely awake. I looked around once more until my eyes landed on the other Pokémon's figure again. Only this time, I completely recognized who was standing there: an older, stern-looking Carracosta.

...

POPS?!

I scrambled to my feet, then gave him a questioning look. What the heck did he mean, "I overslept?!"

"It's exactly like it sounds, child! You ended up sleeping in again!" he replied.

Seriously...?  This was the third time this week.  I've never had a problem with oversleeping before.  Why was this happening all of a sudden?

I groaned as I quickly grabbed my belongings and stuffed them in my bag. Then I turned back to Pops and asked him how much time I had until school started. He paused for a moment, then answered.

"I'd say about five minutes."

I nodded, then smiled determinedly. That was good enough for me. I could still make it if I booked it from here. After taking a deep breath and mentally preparing myself for the long run to school, I headed toward the door, but Pops stopped me before I could walk out.

"Wait. You haven't eaten yet. We still have leftovers from last night. Why don't you eat a little of that before you leave?" he asked.

I shook my head. I didn't have any time to waste. I didn't want to arrive late and have Mr. Farfetch'd or the vice principal chew me out again.

"But - " Pops continued, trying to convince me.

However, before he could continue, I reassured him that I would be fine and that I'd snack on something from my bag. Then I gave him a cheerful smile, waved at him, and gave him a quick "Love ya!" before leaving the house. I heard him let out another sigh as I started running. I felt kind of bad, but it couldn't really be helped.

I made my way to the plaza, where I saw some of the other villagers going about their day. Mr. Raticate was sculpting boulders with his son, Ratatta. Mr. Lombre was tending to his lotus pond. I caught a brief glimpse of Mr. Hippopotas relaxing at the dock. And of course, Mr. Kecleon was at his shop, like always. Now that I think about it, that's the only place I see him.  I don't think I've ever seen him doing anything else.  Weird. There was also Mr. Hawlucha, who also seemed to have a shop, but it looked like he was still setting up. I didn't have time to actually stop and chat with any of them, though. My sole focus was making it to school on time. I didn't want to be late again for the third time this week.

I dashed through the path to the school until I saw the school gate up ahead. I stopped for a moment to catch my breath.  It looked like running to school on an empty stomach took a toll on me. Which...wasn't really a surprise when I thought about it. Fortunately for me, I had just the thing to give me my energy back. I rummaged around in my bag until I found an red, juicy apple. Then, as quickly as I took it out, I managed to devour it in five large bites.

"Phew..."

I let out a small exhale. That was really satisfying. Food always tastes better when you're super hungry. Oh, speaking of food, Pops said that he was going to take care of the berries at the field again. I wonder if he'd mind if I helped myself to a few...?

...

...Gah!

I quickly shook my head. I didn't have time to think about stuff like this. I think the bell is about to ring, too. With my body full of renewed energy from the apple I just ate, I made a final sprint towards the school. Just as I had passed through the gate, I heard the bell go off. Hah! I had made it just in time! A triumphant smile formed on my beak as I looked up. However, when I did, my smile instantly turned into a frown as soon as I saw who was waiting for me.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the troublemaker."

...Vice Principal Watchog. He was standing in front of the stairway that led to the other facilities here. He was glaring at me with those creepy eyes of his and with his arms crossed.

"It appears as though you're the last one to arrive. I suppose I must give you some form of credit - you did arrive on time, after all, even if it was just by a couple of seconds.

"..."

Mr. Watchog continued to speak. "Now, as I was telling the rest of the class before you arrived, I'll be the one teaching for the day. I've prepared a special lesson for you all, so I expect you to be on your best behavior! No shenanigans from you, you got that?!" he shouted in a screechy tone.

I nodded and replied with a simple "Yes, sir". Geez, what a pain. I managed to get here on time and I still end up getting yelled at?

"Well if you understand, take your seat already! We don't have all day, you know!" he said as he pointed to my seat.

I didn't wanna hold the class up any more than I already did, so I did as I was told and walked over to my seat. But seriously...I really wasn't in the mood to deal with Mr. Watchog so early in the morning.

Once I sat down, Mr. Watchog made his way to the podium. He cleared his throat in a dramatic fashion before starting with the lesson.

The day went on with Mr. Watchog teaching his "special lesson," though I wasn't really paying attention. Every time he taught the class, I usually ended up zoning out. I prefer when the Principal or Nurse Audino taught. Heck, even Mr. Farfetch'd wasn't too bad, once you got used to his strictness.

...

Well, whatever. Nothing I could do about it. Just have to wait until the day was over. Then I could get outta this place and...hmm? What do I wanna do after school lets out? Eh, I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Hmm...Oh!

Now that I think about it, I never got the chance to speak with any of my classmates this morning. I turned to my left and saw Goomy, who seemed to be listening intently to Mr. Watchog. Heh, at least one of us was interest in what he was saying. Then I looked back at the row directly behind us and saw Deerling and Espurr listening as well, which is what I was expecting. Those two were the top students here, after all. Finally, at the very back of the class, I saw Pancham and Shelmet, who looked like they were whispering to one another. Seeing them like that caused a quiet giggle to escape from me. I was honestly sorta glad I wasn't the only one who wasn't paying attention. However, Pancham ended up catching me staring, which caused him to send me a nasty glare. Before I could react, I heard shouting from up front.

"Hey! Eyes up front, Nozomi!" Mr. Watchog shouted.

"...!"

I jumped in surprise and quickly faced forward. Yikes...looks like I got caught red-handed.

Mr. Watchog huffed in annoyance, then returned to the lecture. I internally groaned as I slouched in my seat. Please let school be over soon...

SOME TIME LATER...

"...And that is all for today. Class is dismissed!" Mr. Watchog announced.

As soon as everyone heard that, we all waited until he was gone, then sighed in relief.

"Phew, finally...I was beginning to think the bell was never going to ring," Shelmet said.

"For real. Mr. Watchog's lessons always end up dragging, don't they?" Pancham added.

Deerling turned to the both of them and furrowed her brow. "Maybe time would go by faster if you actually listened to the lesson instead of goofing off like always."

"H-hey! We weren't goofing off, we were just...chatting with each other!" Shelmet replied.

Espurr, who was listening to the conversation, turned around and chimed in. "I believe that's still considered goofing off, you two," she said with the same neutral expression she always seems to have.

Pancham then furrowed his brow and pointed at me. "Well, what about Nozomi? She was zoning out the entire time! Mr. Watchog even called her out for it!"

"...?!"

I was a little taken aback by him bringing me up all of a sudden, though I really shouldn't have been surprised. Him and Shelmet haven't exactly been the nicest to me.

Deerling briefly turned and glared at me, then back at the boys. "All three of you need to start taking school more seriously! School is important for our futures, after all!" she said.

Yeesh...Deerling can be a little scary when she gets upset. I mean, I gets what she's saying, but...It's not like I'm trying to zone out or anything. School can just be so boring sometimes...and there's tons of other stuff that I'd rather be doing!

Pancham and Shelmet both flinched at Deerling's harsh tone and nodded their heads.

"Alright, alright. We get it! Can please just drop this now?" Shelmet asked.

Deerling stared at the pair for a few more seconds before letting out a small huff and changing the subject.

"Fine...we should all get going soon, anyway."

Goomy, who was uninvolved in that entire conversation, finally spoke.

"Mm-hmm! We're still going to play together, right, Deerling?" he asked.

Deerling turned to him and nodded. "Of course! C'mon, let's go," she said as she and Goomy both left their seats. "See you all tomorrow!"

"See you!" Goomy added.

Once the two of them said their goodbyes, they both walked down the slope that led to the gate and left the school. When they were gone, Pancham and Shelmet left their seats and started walking to the exit, too.

"Alright, we're outta here. Let's get going, Shelmet," Pancham said.

"Y-yeah!" Shelmet replied, following closely behind.

Once those two left, it was just me and Espurr. It looked like she was about to leave, as well.

Hmm...I wonder if she'd wanna hang out with me. Probably not, but it still wouldn't hurt to ask.

I approached her while she was gathering her belongings and stood in front of her. She slowly looked up and noticed me standing there.

"Hmm? What is it, Nozomi?"

Well, here goes nothing...

...

"Oh? You'd like the two of us to spend time together?" she repeated, seemingly surprised.

I nodded my head.

She thought about it for a moment, then shook her head.

"I appreciate the offer, but I have some things to take care of as soon as I leave here. I'm sorry," she said.

I dejectedly lowered my head and sighed softly. I figured she'd say no, but it still sucks.

"But..."

"...!"

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt to walk to the plaza together," she said.

Wait, really?!

"Well? What do you say?"

I couldn't help but give her a wide grin as I vigorously nodded my head.

"Very well, then. Come on, let's go," Espurr said as she gathered the last of her belongings and started walking off. I eagerly followed her and the two of us walked together on the school path. We made some small talk with each other, but didn't really talk about anything in particular. Espurr seems like she'd be difficult to approach, but she's actually pretty nice. Walking with her was turned out to be fun.

Eventually, the two of us made it to the plaza. Once we got there, though, Espurr turned and looked at me.

"Well, we're here. This is where we part ways for the time being," she said.

Yeah...I guess so. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.

I nodded and stood in place so I could see Espurr off.

"It was nice talking with you, Nozomi. I'll see you tomorrow," she said with a smile small.

I smiled back at her and watched her walk off, but after taking a few steps, she suddenly stopped and turned back to me.

"Hmm...?"

...Wha-?

Espurr stared at me without saying anything. I stared back at her with a combination of surprise and confusion expressed on my face. Was something the matter...?

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Espurr finally spoke.

"Nozomi? Are you...?" she started.

"...?"

Huh? Am I what? What is she talking about?

"Hmm..."

She sighed and gave me a small shrug. "Er, no, it's nothing. Never mind."

...Huh? What was that about? What was she going to say?

However, before I could pry for details, she spoke once again.

"I'll be going now. I'll see you tomorrow."

And with that, Espurr walked away, leaving me very confused about what just happened. What in the world was that about...?

...

Well, thinking about it now won't do me any good. Since school's out, I finally have the chance to actually do something fun! Let's see, what should I...

*GROWL*

...Eh?

I looked down to see where that noise came from. It was my belly. It was growling like crazy! Oh, yeah. Now that I think about it, I only ate an apple today, didn't I? In that case, I guess doing something in the village could wait for a bit. I should go home and eat some dinner. Pops said that there were still leftovers from last night, right? That should be more than enough. Alright, then. Let's get going!

With my appetite steadily growing, I ran home where Pops would be more than likely be waiting for me. I'll come inside and we'll eat dinner together. Heh, he'll probably be surprised seeing me home earlier than usual. Well, I guess it'll be a way for me to make up for rushing out this morning. I can't wait!

[lifebefore30]

A recurring memory

My mind is constantly fast-playing thoughts, dreams, and memories.

For some reason, sometimes my BRAIN is like:

"Hey, if you died right now, this is what you would see: "life flashing before your eyes."

The same memories pop up every time. And it's the only time I even think about that memory.

I honestly can't think of what the other are right now. But there is one I remember.

I think I was about 3 or 4 years old. My maternal grandmother took me shopping with her at KMART. I remember the smell of the cafe there. Soft pretzels and blue raspberry slushies. YUMM.

Anyway...

I'm sitting in the front of the cart. I know I said something bratty (don't know what) because I remember my grandmother having this tone in her voice. Like she had enough of my shit. She then started to tell me that I had an older sister but my parents gave her away, and that they would do the same to me if I didn't behave.

I remember doubting what she said but didn't want to take the chance. I did realize later in life that it wasn't true obviously.

But again, when I was super young, like maybe 5, I also remember sitting in the back of the car with my parents in the front. We're driving home from somewhere and I randomly sit up and lean over in between the front seats. (because I don't remember ever using a booster seat back then lol that wasn't a thing. I rode in the back end of a pickup if the weather was nice.)

And I just had this compulsion to blurt out:

"You know, I wish I had different parents."

And I said it with a smile on my face, like matter of factly. Not realizing or thinking of how they would feel. I just had to get that out.

Of course, my parents were stunned. They scolded me of course, telling me how mean I was.

Looking back, I feel bad. Especially with being a parent myself now. I would be heartbroken if my son said that to me.

But those two are some of the first memories for me that I was scolded for saying something I shouldn't have but I couldn't help saying it. It wasn't always "bad" things I would want to say. It was my ideas and opinions on things I heard family members talking about.

And I know it seems that kids say ridiculous stuff all the time. Usually brutely honest.

But eventually, in my early years, I learned the hard way to just keep my mouth shut when adults were around. I didn't want to get screamed at or hit. And not just by family members. It sounds bad, but I really wasn't physically abused much. It was more emotional and neglect than anything, to be honest.

When I hit my teenage years, my family wondered why I was so shy and quiet and stayed in my room as much as possible or not even be home.

Granted one wish, I would talk to my younger self and give advice on how to be happy and safe.

Did not hear either parent say "I love you" or hug me until my first Grippy Sock Vacation at age 19. It felt forced. Like they just wanted to make themselves feel better about their parenting skills.

[journal-of-whatever]

June 28,2024

12:47am

Been doing a lot of thinking and say the same time, a lot of just doing nothing.

The moment I learned someone wanted to court me, I just rushed into it. I realized that after blurting or things I shouldn't probably have said in the first place.

I've spent all my life, going with the flow. Being patient and not rush into things to much. Go with a long but a very sound plan on life. I had everything I've wanted before. My dream job, amazing family connections, trustworthy friends, and a partner whom I thought would be with me along the way.

But as I am adjusting to this new work life, some things just feel apart. My time management sucks, trying to be closer with workmates, trying to get more connections, and even sort of had a falling out with my partner of 7 years.

It came to this point where I kept moving forward but he was getting left behind. He tried to move too but he never tried to see it through. I've been supportive for as long as I could but it came to that point where he lost that spark in our love life. We knew LDR wasn't easy and we've tried to make it work several times and each time, it was successful. But at some point, he found it tiring to see each other. Because here's the thing, he would always have to drive for an hour or so just so we can meet up once a week or 2 weeks. We wish we could spend more time together but, he can't stay out too late cus the traffic is just bad. And this tired feeling of his seemed to slowly pile up and I had to actually force him sometimes.

I was honestly prepared. Prepared to love him no matter what his situation was AS LONG as he supported me in other ways. If he didn't wanna go back to doing things he never finished, I didn't care. He could stay at home, learn to do some chores, help me out in cleaning, and just be there. His presence matters more to me. The break up happened because it felt one-sided at this point. I know I'm always busy with work, hobbies or even side hustles, but I tried to make it work... He couldn't see that till we went our separate ways. The mall dates that we used to do meant so much to me especially if we haven't seen each other in so long. But he didn't realize how much it mattered to me till everything ended.

It's been 4 months since the break. The first month was brutal. I didn't want to talk to anyone regarding the break up. People will only find out if they asked about him but I never spoke up about it first. The following months became normal again cus I got to be busy with work. So my mind got preoccupied and the break up left my mind.

I'm doing this journal, talking about this as a way to reflect. This new guy who wants to court me, we barely know each other. We told each other to get to know each other first. Take our time and stuff like that. But I got too excited. I rushed into it. Made some embarrassing mistakes along the way. But now, I'm really trying to just take my time with things. There's still so much I still need to accomplish myself. Yes, I will probably, (for sure), crave to be in a relationship again. I want someone to accept all of me and we support each other's goals even if we tackle on it as individuals and not as a duo.

This new guy, the more I learned about him, the more he makes me feel motivated. I want to improve more. To match to his level. To understand what he sees and thinks. He's honestly amazing. But I do worry at some points because there seems to be times where we don't seem compatible. But maybe because we're awkward or something. I know I shouldn't limit my views and still meet more people but at the moment, he's the only guy in my vicinity ahaha

Someday, I know there will be someone out there for me. He will be there in my time of need. Watch every performances I am in. Do things together even if we don't exactly have matching hobbies. Hold my hand and swing them childishly as we walk and talk. Laugh like we're the only ones in the world. He doesn't need to be perfect but he puts efforts. He doesn't even have to work or finish a degree, just let him be someone who will still make up for what I'm lacking and I will also be the same for him.

My heart is full of envy for those who are in love. Full of joy seeing couples smile together. Just full of love for love.

[allthingsdarkanddirty]

EXCERPT REVEAL

We are thrilled to share an excerpt from ICE BURN by L.A. Cotton coming January 10!

#PreOrderHere

“So, are the two of you like… a thing?”

“What?” My eyes almost bugged out. “God no, Carson is like a brother to me. Why would you say that?”

“Picked up on some vibes earlier between the two of you.”

“We’re close.” At least we used to be. “But it isn’t like that.”

“Cool,” he said, sliding his cool gaze to mine. The air crackled around us, a strange sensation curling in my stomach. His hand reached for me, toying with the ends of my hair.

“What are—”

Aiden leaned in and kissed me, his body coming down on mine, forcing my back into the sand. I was so shocked, so freaking confused, that I lost myself in the kiss for a second. In how his mouth felt, how his hot breath mingled with mine as he flicked his tongue along the seam of my lips. A small gasp left me, and he took that as permission to plunge his tongue into my mouth.

Reality crashed over me, and I slammed my palms into his chest, shoving with all of my might. “What the hell are you doing?” I cried.

“The fuck?” His eyes narrowed, a wall slamming between us.

“You kissed me.”

“And you pushed me away.”

“I didn’t say you could kiss me.”

“You said you and Carson weren’t—”

“We’re not. But I have a boyfriend.”

He rolled off me and flopped onto the sand, running a hand down his face.

Touching a finger to my lips, I inhaled a shaky breath. “Do you always kiss random girls?”

“I’m not sure you want to know the answer to that.”

“Oh.”

A sinking feeling went through me, which was really freaking weird. Aiden had just kissed me—without permission. Anger was a more appropriate response, and maybe a little part of me was angry. But there was something else, something I didn’t want to acknowledge because I had a boyfriend.

Josh.

Oh God, Josh.

Guilt rose up inside me like a tidal wave. “You kissed me,” I blurted again.

“Are you going to keep saying that? Because it’s kind of annoying.”

“You’re annoying.”

“You’re freaking out.” He peeked up at me.

“You kissed me, and I have a boyfriend.”

“It was just a little kiss, freckles. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

“Don’t talk about my panties, and don’t call me freckles.” I flushed with irritation. Freckles. Pfft. It made me sound like a child. “You can’t just go around kissing people without their permission.”

“Usually, they don’t mind.”

“Oh my God,” I breathed. “You need to go.”

Add the whole series to your Goodreads TBR list: https://bit.ly/lakeshoreuGR

Grab the FREE prequel BITE THE ICE at your favorite retailer: books2read.com/bitetheiceLU

#comingsoon #needtoreaditnow #readmoreromance #wildfiremarketingsolutions

[shorkbrian]

I swear I ain’t in it for the money, but I can’t stop thinking about sugar daddy shoto. Maybe he sweeps a cute little college kid or barista of their feet, just something fun and casual. But this man starts falling harder, needing a way to lock them down to him. Money isn’t quite cutting it anymore, so he decides fucking a baby into her would do the trick. Shoto would push her down into the mattress, large frame twisting her into a sweet mating press. This way they could stay together forever and Shoto would have absolutely no problem providing for his sweet family <3

but fr tho I feel like Shouto is NOT the type for kids.

Mans will tolerate them when they babble or wave at him, but he very actively Does Not Want them.

Always uses condoms, and even though he’ll threaten not to, it’s never a legit thought in his mind to cum inside. Shouto doesn’t want to be a dad.

-----

You’ll be sittin on a park bench, fading sunset dark and pretty in front of you yet all you can do is cry. There’s not really any people around so it’s not like you’re bothering anyone - you hadn’t wanted to cry in your shabby apartment (half the cause of your worries) just in case you received a noise complaint.

“Are you alright?”

A somber, smooth voice is heard. You’re swiping at your tears quickly as you look up, trying to laugh off your state of distress. “Oh, haha, yeah I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” It’s hard to smile with your puffy cheeks and red-rimmed eyes.

The man in front of you frowns, hands in his coat pockets, scarf draped around his neck. “You don’t look fine. Mind if I sit?”

He’s already claiming the spot next to you on the bench before you can say a word, turning to you with a passive expression. “Why are you crying?”

And that’s all it takes to have you breaking down all over again, tears streaming down your face. Just one person offering to listen to the heavy burden you have to bear.

‘’M sor-sorry...” You sob, wiping at your eyes with frigid fingers, successful in doing nothing more but smearing tears around your face.

“Here.” The man’s taking off his scarf, gloved hands offering it you.

“I ca-can’t use your sc-scarf sir.” But he’s insistent, pressing it into your hands up by your face.

“I’ll just get another one. Keep it, you’re in need of it more than I am.”

The kindness makes another fresh bout of tears roll down your cheeks, but this time you're able to dab them away with soft fabric as you sniffle.

It takes a moment for you to calm yourself. When you do, you can finally engage in conversation with the man.

You tell him about your job hours getting cut, how you’ve been turned down or ignored by every single place you’ve applied at for a second job. How you’re barely affording to wash your clothes - you have to hang them or drape them across things in your apartment because you don’t have the money to pay for a dryer cycle.

And to top it all off, you’re still short on rent, despite how you scrimped and saved and even forced yourself not to buy groceries this week - you’ve gone hungry for the past three days.

“You haven’t eaten?”

You glance up at the man and his incredulous expression, shaking your head. “I’ve been trying to save money, I thought I could afford my rent if-”

“What kind of food do you like?” The man is pulling out his phone, swiping and tapping immediately. 

“Thank you, but I’m not-��� looking for charity is what you want to say. Plus, you shouldn’t accept favors from strange men.

But the handsome man is waving you silent. “I’m cold, plus I’d like to grab a bite to eat before I head home. I don’t like eating alone though, you’d honestly be doing me a favor.”

You take a moment to process. Is he telling the truth? He sounds like an honest guy.

“Seems like the only place open around here is “Joe’s 24 hour Diner”.... You mind burgers?”

So that's how you end up in a booth opposite the man (”Shouto” he had told you as you both headed to the diner), munching away at warm food. It tastes so good, you hardly have time to worry about the man watching you as he eats.

You’d been shocked at his looks the moment you’d seen him in the light of the diner. Pretty two-toned hair, different colored eyes, perfect skin, expensive clothes. Why was he even talking to you? It’s obvious the two of you led very different lives.

“How does everything taste?”

“Delicious.” Is your response, and Shouto seems pleased, nodding before taking another bite of his meal.

Maybe it’s stupid... but you feel weirdly safe with this man. He doesn’t seem to bear any ill-intent towards you, nor has he made any comments about your body or let his hands or eyes stray. He seems like a gentleman.

Conversation flows easily between the two of you, even sharing a few chuckles at times. He’s some fancy rich businessman, you learn, and you share about your own life, laughing at the comparisons. Shouto can’t fathom growing up in a house with less than five bedrooms and a personal servant.

He asks for your number, and you’re hesitant in giving it - he surely can’t be interested in you? But he seems so sincere, it’s hard to say no.

When the two of you part ways, Shouto gives you a wave, “Hope to see you again soon, and under better circumstances.”

“You too! And sorry for being such a mess and stopping your walk-”

Shouto shrugs, cheeks beginning to pink from the cold air as you two stand outside the diner. “You needed help. I like to assist.”

-----

The next morning you wake to find an atrociously large sum deposited in your Venmo account by none other than a Shouto Todoroki.

Immediately, you’re calling him. “It’s too much, we just met. How can you give away that much money to some low-life?”

You hear him sigh on the other end of the phone. “You’re obviously struggling. I was wondering what your hours are this week, perhaps we could talk about this over dinner? Or lunch, if that fits better with your schedule. I’m flexible.”

It’s a few days later, days spent questioning yourself, questioning his intentions, before you see him again, both of you deciding to meet for lunch to further discuss... whatever had just happened.

“Was what I gave you adequate to cover your rent?” Are the first words out of Shouto’s mouth after you greet each other.

“Yeah, more than enough-” You squirm. “But I need to ask.... why?”

“Why?”

“Why me.” 

“Oh.” Shouto’s expression clears. “That’s easy. I told you a few days ago - I like to assist. I’m quite lonely, and it feels nice to use my money on someone other than myself. I think providing for someone brings me... I wouldn’t quite say joy, but... contentment.”

You contemplate his answer for a moment. 

“Well... you saved me with my rent, I don’t really know how to thank you.”

The man leans forward. “Well.... I know it might be a bit sudden, but how would you feel accepting me as a.... benefactor of sorts?”

“You mean like a sugar daddy?” Is your immediate, blurted response. You want to slap yourself for speaking before you have the chance to think about your words, but luckily Shouto just lets out a light laugh.

“If you’d like to call it that. I’m willing to provide financial assistance for you, in exchange for companionship, if you’re willing to give it.”

Your face heats up as you drop your eyes, fidgeting nervously in your seat. “I don’t feel comfortable with a... a sexual relationshi-”

“That’s perfectly acceptable.” Shouto cuts you off before you can continue. “I wasn’t trying to insinuate a contract of that nature. I’m thinking more along the lines of accompanying me at meals, sharing experiences with me, providing company and friendship to a lonely man. If it seems that we’d like to progress further than that after we get to know each other, well, that will be addressed then. For now-” Shouto meets your eye, dipping his head a smidgeon so he can look at you directly. “All I ask for is a simple, non-intimate bond between two people.”

This is crazy.

And yet you accept.

The situation may be wild, and completely absurd, but you’d be a fool not to say yes.

Shouto is charming and handsome, respectful, courteous - you could go on and on about his positive qualities. He just seems like a sad, lonesome man swallowed by work and responsibilities, too stressed and busy to put the effort into making friends the conventional way. 

-----

Months pass by.

You’re eating at every meal, sated and never going hungry. You’re able to move into a new place, one that doesn’t smell like cigarettes and sits right next to a railroad.

Clothes aren’t a worry anymore, you have your own washer and dryer in your new apartment (Shouto offered to buy you a house, or a penthouse at the least, but you couldn’t justify it to yourself). You’re able to afford new things, and pretty dresses, shoes that are comfortable and fashionable and that fit.

You no longer have to wear clothes down until they have holes in them. You’re able to go to the doctor’s when you feel sick, able to pay for health insurance.

Life is good.

Shouto is a personable man, serious, but he can be rather funny and even crude at times.

The doubt and thoughts of “Why is he doing this for me?” and “I’m not good enough for this.” plague you, but Shouto always seems to catch on, reassuring you that you’re exactly what he needs - a friend.

And you’re more than happy to be that.

You think sometimes, that even if he wasn’t paying you, you’d still like to be friends with Shouto Todoroki.

Until he starts acting weird.

“You should just stay at my place. I have more than enough room,, it’d be easier for both our schedules. We’d get to see each other more often.”

“Uhm...” You don’t really know what to say. You like your freedom, and having your own place where you can walk around in your (expensive) underwear without being bothered.

“I think it’d be nice, don’t you? We could have breakfast every morning, you wouldn’t have to worry about traveling to and fro, we could spend more time together. We don’t see each other nearly enough.”

He’s pushing, insistent. How are you supposed to tell him no? He’s paying for your entire life. Plus, it wouldn’t be that bad to actually live with him. Shouto’s an amicable man.

So you move in.

“I bought you a few things, they’re on your bed.” 

Shouto’s striding into the kitchen where you’re making coffee, buttoning up his shirt as he comes closer. You’ve found that the man likes to sleep in nothing but boxers, shrieking and flushing an embarrassing shade the first time he’d come to wake you up with a sweet “welcome” breakfast in bed.

It’s taken a while to adjust, but you finally feel that you’re fully settled in.

“Oh, you really don’t ha-”

“I wanted to. I went through your closet - your clothes are nice, but your underwear seemed to be lacking.” He’s so matter-of-fact.

All you can do is stare at the back of his head.

“Could you pass me a spoon please?”

-----

Shouto had splurged on expensive, fancy lingerie. 

At least eight different sets were laid out on your bed. It was overwhelming. It also felt.... a bit intrusive? They were all in your size, in a complementary color for your skin tone. 

Weird.

Not as weird as the onset of Shouto’s casual touches.

You’d be reading, or drinking tea and watching cars race by on the street so far below, and Shouto would come up behind you, caress your sides before intertwining his fingers with yours on one hand. He did it as if it was a normal thing, but it felt anything but normal.

Or you’d be on the couch together, and Shouto would shuffle closer until his large body was pressed to yours, almost curled around you. The faux-cuddling was a bit more off putting. How do you tell him no?

The touches became more and more intimate, Shouto’s gifts more and more frequent until you weren’t even spending a penny, the man taking care of everything.

The arrangement was beginning to make you uncomfortable.

Shouto’s bi-colored eyes seemed to always be on you, tracing the shape of your body, watching you move, or breath, or sit. It was distracting, and you felt bad for feeling this way towards the man who’d pulled you out of poverty, but it was so unnerving.

He seemed to notice.

“You’ve been so stressed these past few days. Is something wrong?” Shouto’s rubbing a hand into your shoulder, hovering over you at the dinner table.

“No?” Is all you can manage, wiping your hands on your napkin as you finish your food.

Shouto frowns. With a sigh, his hand drops from your shoulder and the man leaves your side, heads toward the kitchen.

You clear your plate from the table, following after him so you can wash it and put it in the dishwasher before you head off to get ready for bed. 

But Shouto is rummaging in a cupboard, pulling down two wine glasses to accompany the bottle of wine that’s standing proud on the island.  It’s your favorite, a sweet wine that Shouto knows you like, always brings it out when he decides to drink whisky or bourbon after dinner.

He pops the cork and pours you a glass while you finish with your dishes, handing you the glass when you turn away from the sink, pressing it into your hands. “Let’s relax a little bit, it’ll be good for both of us.”

You’re fine with that, knowing that a little wine won’t hurt you, especially when it’s of such fine quality. You’d never dreamed that you’d be able to taste such richness in your lifetime, spend frivolous amounts of money on wine and fine eateries. Yet here you are.

Shouto pours himself a glass, barely a sip filling the bottom. The man raises it to his lips and takes a swig, grimacing a bit in his flat, unexpressive way. You giggle a little.

“Too sweet?’

The man nods, setting the glass back down. “I’m not entirely sure how you can stand to stomach it. But if it makes you happy-” He shrugs, before pulling on of the bar-stools out from under the island so he can sit facing you, long legs stretching out before him.

You look at him, and he looks at you, and then you take another sip of wine to avoid the awkwardness.

“You’re distancing yourself from me.”

The accusation is quiet, Shouto’s eyes focused on your fingers wrapped around the stem of the glass.

He’s always been straightforward with his words. “Is there a reason you keep drawing away?”

The wine disappears from your glass, sliding down your throat and settling in your stomach. You fill your glass again before speaking, struggling to find the right words without upsetting your... benefactor.

“Well, Shouto... I don’t really know how to...” You trail off, hoping Shouto will say something, change the subject, say it’s alright and move on to something else.

But the man stays silent, eyes appraising you.

Taking a deep breath, and another gulp of sweetness, you try again.

“Sometimes the closeness... like, physical closeness? Makes me, well, uncomfortable.”

Hopefully, that would satisfy his curiosity for now. That wasn’t the only reason you’d been avoiding Shouto seeming distant, but you didn’t think sharing the others would result in anything good.

Said man accepted your response, dropping his eyes to his lap as he mulled it over. More wine was consumed, glass re-filled. You felt nervous.

“You’re saying that my touch isn’t something you’d prefer.”

Biting your lip, you soften at his confused expression, at the hint of sadness swimming behind his eyes. “Kind of. I don’t mind you Shouto, you’re really kind, and you’re good company, and a wonderful friend. I just don’t think the.... the intimacy is for me.”

Shouto raises his head, stares at you with those pretty eyes, lips parted as he comes to terms with your words. 

“It sounds like you don’t trust me. I would never hurt you, you know this.”

You scramble to assure him. “I do! I do trust you, and I know you wouldn’t.” (at least you hoped) “But I guess I just... Coming into this agreement I wasn’t ready for that type of... thing. I don’t know if I ever will be.”

The man rises, shakes his head as he steps closer to you. “Don’t worry, I remember our first conversation about that aspect. I see that for you, that type of relationship would only begin after you really cared for the other person, trusted and wanted to see them happy, am I correct?”

“Oh, Shouto-” You rush. “No, I care for you, and I trust you, and of course I want to see you happy. I think it’s just, y’know, my last relationship like that went really bad, and it sucked. I don’t want to go through that again.”

Shouto nods, understanding. “I see. You don’t have to worry about any of that with me then.”

A smile crosses your face, and you feel relived that he accepted your rejection with grace and understanding instead of violence or anger. “Thank you, it means a lot to me.”

The mood of the room shifted, from tense and uncomfortable, to easy and light, and you poured another glass of wine, laughing a little at how worried you were about the conversation with Shouto, only for it all to turn out fine.

“I’m going to go drink some of the liquor that’s kept in my room. I could mix a few drinks for you to try, you might like how sweet they are. I know hard alcohol isn’t quite your thing.”

You beam a smile, nodding your head eagerly. Before, you’d feel apprehensive about going into his room with him to drink alcohol. But with the conversation the two of you just had, you knew - things would be fine.

-----

The room was spinning and you felt giddy and light. You were definitely tipsy.

“You can lay down on my bed, you’re getting wobbly on your feet.” Shouto had offered, and you’d gladly accepted, flopping down onto his comfy bedspread with a laugh at how the motion made butterflies rise in your tummy.

Shouto leaned against his dresser, swirling whiskey in his glass as he watched you, a half-smile across his face. You smiled back, before closing your eyes, a little bit tired as you realized that you might be a bit more than just tipsy.

Shouto had mixed quite a few drinks for you, and you’d drank each one eagerly, impressed with how little alcohol you could taste in each one. You don’t remember how many you had, but it didn’t really matter.

The next thing you know, hands are on your waist, scooting you further up the bed so your legs no longer hang off the edge. Cracking open an eye, you’re met with the visage of red-and-white, eyes soft and warm as they regard you, Shouto’s face tinged a bit pink from the few drinks he had consumed. The man had never been too good at holding his alcohol.

When those hands started to slip beneath your shirt, you wiggled like a little worm, not really comprehending the situation. Maybe it was a dream.

Your shirt was discarded, then your pants. It felt much more comfortable now, and you mumbled a “thanks” to the man helping you settle for bed. He was so nice, Shouto took such good care of you. You still kind of couldn’t believe the turn your life had taken with him, the good luck pushed into your path.

Someone was kissing you.

With a grunt of surprise, you kissed them back, meeting their feverish pace and trying to keep up, soft lips puckering and pushing against your own with intent. Kissing felt good. You liked kissing.

Then a hand was cupping your face, stroking tenderly over your cheek before it began sliding down, down your neck, into the valley between your breasts, trailing over your bra. It felt funny.

Pushing back for air, you gasped when the hand on your chest started squeezing at you, eyes flying open with the startling, sudden sensation.

Shouto was hovering over you, lips puffy, panting as he stared at you with lusty eyes, an uncharacteristic look on his face. This... this wasn’t supposed to be like this. You knew. Hadn’t the two of you just talked about something... important? Was it important?

You didn’t feel panic until a hand cupped your sex, feeling your skin through your panties.

This wasn’t right.

Alarm bells were ringing, dull and far away, but you didn’t think that Shouto should be touching you in such a way. you should be going to bed.

“Mm, Sho, can you stop?” But your words felt funny on your tongue, and Shouto didn’t stop. Maybe he didn’t hear you.

His hair tickled your chin as the man bent to mouth at your tits, pulling the cups of your bra underneath them so he could feel your hot skin, let his saliva drag slick and wet against your chest. 

Your hands instinctively rooted themselves in his hair as you gasped again, not expecting such a move, tugging lightly at his head to pull him up. Shouto just groaned, teething gently at your breasts and not moving an inch. His hips were grinding against the bed though, as he stood between your spread legs.

Before you knew it, your panties were gone, bra clumsily unclasped and discarded, and you were completely bare. Shouto was undressing before you, struggling with the buttons on his shirt before giving up, easily ripping the fabric of his body with one tug, grumbling.

You didn’t feel so tipsy anymore.

“Shouto, what’re we doing? We shouldn’t be doing this, we need to stop-”

“Stay down.” Was his firm command, a hand splayed across your naked chest and pushing you back into the mattress as you tried to sit up. It made you breathless, the growl in his voice, the dominance emanating from the man. You stayed still.

“This’s gonna make us a stronger couple.” The man slurred, eyes dark and hands wandering, effortlessly keeping you pinned against the bed as he ground his hips forward against the edge. You were getting scared.

“Wait-”

You fell silent as one hand pushed down his pants, his underwear going with them, pink cock bobbing free. He was so pretty down there, and it made sense, all of him was pretty, but you suddenly realized the weight of the situation, what was happening.

“Shouto, no, oh my god. We gotta stop right now, we’re drunk, we’re-we’re-”

“Don’t care. Not gonna let you hide away from me this time.” Shouto shook his head, taking his cock in one hand and giving it a long, slow pump, flushed tip weeping precum and wetting his hand.

“No, no, this is wrong. I don’t want this, I could get pregnant!” You cried, beginning to panic for real, pushing against the one strong hand anchoring you to the bed.

Shouto just chuckled, letting go of his cock to crowd against you, getting up in your face to press a wet finger to your lips, the salty taste of his precum threatening to slip into your mouth unless you kept it shut. “Shhh, shh. If you stay nice and still, if you do what I say, I’ll use a condom.”

You couldn’t believe your ears.

“You’re gonna listen to me, you always do.” The man nodded to himself, once again dragging his cock against the bed between your legs, as if he couldn’t stop himself. “Or else I’ll fuck you raw.” The finger was pulled from your lips, only to be wagged teasingly in your face. 

You couldn’t believe how he was acting.

“Be nice.”

Shouto tapped your nose with a neatly manicured finger, before groaning as he heaved himself upright, red cock bobbing against his stomach, desperate for attention. The man gave you a look, as if to say “don’t move” before he took his hands off you, heading for his dresser.

Once you saw him pulling out a strip of condoms, you were on your feet, stumbling toward the door.

Although panic had sobered you somewhat, you were still struggling with the effects of the alcohol, so your reaction time was maddeningly slow. Slow enough that you weren’t able to truly fight against Shouto when he grabbed you from behind toned arms wrapping around your middle and heaving you into the air, only to throw you back on his bed.

You were almost sick on the bedspread, world spinning and stomach protesting, but you were able to calm yourself.

But then Shouto was on you, flipping you onto your back, a soft hand pressing against your throat threateningly. 

“You want to have a baby? Want me to cum in you so you’ll get all fat with kids? Hm?” He was so intense, almost choking you, straddling your waist and keeping you pinned. It was too much

You were able to manage a tearful, desperate “No!” despite the hand around your throat, and Shouto backed off, releasing the pressure to instead stroke his hand against the sides of your neck.

“Stop acting like this, it’s the next logical step for us. You said you cared for me, wanna make me happy. This’ll make me happy. I won’t be like the last guy.”

His cock was pressed against your stomach, and you could feel it twitching. Shouto clambered off of you, letting go of your neck so he could grab the condoms he’d tossed on the bed before snatching you up.

“Do what I say and I use these.” He waved them in your face before tearing one off, beginning to open it. 

You stayed still, gazing at him blearily, limbs feeling fuzzy, mind feeling the same.

The condom was rolled onto Shouto’s cock, the man spitting into his palm and giving the latex a few rubs to make it slick before reaching for you.

He dragged you to the edge of the bed - the perfect height for him to fuck you - and you didn’t fight, terrified of his threat. You couldn’t stand the thought of a baby.

(You didn’t know, but neither could he)

“Wanted to do this since I met you.” Shouto mumbled, pushing your panties to the side with a few fingers so he could guide his tip to your hole. “Want you so bad.”

You didn’t know what to think of this side of Shouto. This unreserved, uncareful, slurring mess of a man that loomed before you, gaze dark and wild, limbs everywhere as he groped and squeezed and appreciate the shape of your body.

But he must’ve gotten impatient, because then he was pushing inside.

It hurt, stinging pain rippling up your back and you keened, causing Shouto to pause. One of his hands darted down to wrap around your calf, hauling it up on the bed so he could lean forward and press it to you chest, sinking his cock a few inches deeper.

“You’re gonna take it.” He hissed before messily kissing you, pressed so close together that it was hard to breathe. “I’ll make it feel good after you do.”

[idy-ll-ique]

They Always Do.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: insecurity

Requested: Nope

Summary: "you're not worried? he seems to be spending a lot of time with her..." "no" "why not?" "because i braced myself for this months ago. they leave, they always do. it's nothing new"

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! The first part of this fic is fluff, angst in the middle, fluff again at the end. Nothing too extreme, just a little one-shot. Enjoy!

---

"Sebastian, Y/N, so glad you made it!" Susan Downey smiled warmly at the couple. "Of course, we couldn't miss the 56th birthday of the one and only Iron Man," Sebastian chuckled, walking into the house with his girlfriend. He put his arm around Y/N, observing the place. "Guys! Hello!" they heard.

"Mr Downey," Y/N greeted politely, turning to smile at the birthday boy. "You must be the girlfriend," he grinned, pulling her into a bear hug. "Yep, that's me." Then he turned to Sebastian, frowning. "Why didn't you introduce her to everyone sooner?" Y/N laughed as Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck, shrugging.

"Don't ask me, she was the one too chicken to meet you!" Sebastian defended himself, narrowing his eyes at his girlfriend. She snorted as Robert let go of her, returning to Sebastian's side. "I guess that's on me," she sighed dramatically, making both men laugh. "Well, enjoy yourselves! Have a drink, have fun!"

With that, he walked away. Sebastian noticed a server holding up a tray of drinks and called him over. He handed a glass to Y/N and took one for himself, taking a sip. "Thanks for bringing me over, honey," Y/N smiled and he turned to her, scoffing. "You're my girlfriend! God knows they were dying to meet you," he laughed, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

With that they went around the place, talking to new people, old friends and making new acquaintances. Y/N had a lot of fun meeting Sebastian's co-stars, and especially loved Elizabeth Olsen. Y/N was a huge Marvel fan and one of her favorite works of the MCU was WandaVision. Y/N had fangirled a bit, not gonna lie.

Like that passed an hour. After her feet started hurting, Sebastian decided it was time for the woman to sit down, have a drink and chill out. "Okay doll, here's a glass of champagne, if you need anything at all, don't hesitate to call me, okay? I'm going there, with Chris and Anthony. I love you." She smiled when he gave her a quick kiss.

"I love you too, and don't worry, I'll find you easy. This place isn't that big."

"I heard that!"

Laughing at her antics, Sebastian gave his girlfriend one more loving kiss before prancing out of the room in search of his best friends, Chris Evans and Anthony Mackie. Y/N relaxed on the comfortable couch with a sigh, sipping on her drink. It all began a year ago, very cheesily, might I add.

Y/N was at her favourite coffee shop when he had walked in. Immediately, fans had him surrounded, but she didn't go over to him. She stayed seated, looking at him, wishing she could go over but she knew how stressful fan interactions were for celebrities. Sebastian had, unfortunately, caught her eye and she had turned beet red, burying her face in her laptop.

He had found her absolutely winsome and after the crowd around him had dissipated, he had wandered over to her table and introduced himself. She was flustered around him, which made him tingly inside. And he had blurted out, "Wanna meet here next Saturday at 7?" They kept their promise and that's how they started dating.

A year ago.

That was a healthy amount of time.

Right?

Y/N couldn't help but have her doubts. All her previous relationships were pathetic failures, where the guy usually got bored of her within 3 months. But now, she had braced herself for rejection (which she knew deep down wasn't coming but it pays to be careful). "Hey."

Startled, she turned to see a kinda young, kinda drunk woman sitting next to her, looking up at her with doe eyes. "Hi," Y/N smiled back politely. "You're— you're the woman!" She had started slurring her words, which made Y/N frown a bit. "I'm… what?" she blinked. "The girl! Who came over with Sebastian Stan, you're his girlfriend!" The woman laughed loudly.

A few heads turned towards them but quickly looked away when they realized that the girl was drunk. "Yep, that's me. Why?" Y/N was now amused. As they talked, she didn't notice Sebastian walking into the room. He had come back to ask Y/N something but had paused in his tracks when he saw her frowning at the young, drunk woman.

Then he inched closer, unabashedly eavesdropping on her conversation. "Yep, saw him spending a lot of time with Ms Lizzie Olsen. If he was mine, girl, I would take that man home and show him who truly belongs to him, if you know what I mean," the girl winked and a sad smile bloomed on Y/N's face. "They're good friends, of course they're gonna spend time together."

Sebastian smiled at her answer. He knew she was different, she didn't get easily jealous and he liked that, since it reduced the number of arguments they had by a lot. His jealousy? Well, that's a story for another time… "You don't mind? He seems to be spending a lot of time with her…" the drunk woman frowned at Y/N.

Well, she was drunk, she wouldn't remember this night anyway, so maybe… it would be good to get some things off her chest.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I braced myself for this months ago. They leave, they always do. It's nothing new," Y/N admitted, swirling the champagne that was swimming in her half-full glass. Sebastian's heart shattered into a million pieces at her words. Before the words were even completely out of her mouth, tears had started stinging in his eyes.

"Y/N?" Startled yet again, Y/N turned to see Sebastian smiling at her. "Seb! Hi, thought you were with your friends!" she grinned at him. "I— uh— something came up, we need to go," he spoke quietly, fidgeting with his hands. Y/N's brows furrowed but she got up, collecting her coat and her purse.

"Can we at least say Happy Birthday to Robert?"

"Yeah, yeah of course." Sebastian managed a weak smile when she gave him a kiss on the cheek, going off to find Robert and Susan. She told them something urgent came up and they allowed the couple to leave. "Seb, let's go!" He followed her out of the house, meekly trailing behind her, the words she said ringing in his ears.

They leave, they always do. It's nothing new.

How had this woman, practically a Goddess, had such bad experiences that she was forced to think that way? He was never going to leave her, having found the perfect woman at last. He got into the driver's seat of his car, and the car ride home was quiet. Y/N was getting anxious. What happened to him? Did something happen at the party?

Once they were home, Sebastian couldn't help himself. "S—" Y/N yelped when he crushed her to his body, hugging her tightly. He took both of them to their shared bedroom, sat down on the edge of the bed, pulled her on his lap and buried his face in her chest, breaking down. "Seb, honey, what's wrong?" Y/N cooed, getting insanely paranoid.

The crying didn't stop for 15 minutes. Y/N, in a futile attempt to get him to stop, was running a hand through his hair, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, holding him close. When he took in a shuddering breath, he pulled away and finally looked Y/N in her eyes. "Now are you going to tell me what happened?" she smiled gently.

He took her hand, pressing a kiss to her wrist. "I'm sorry," he croaked out and Y/N frowned. "Sorry for what?" He shook his head, burying his face back in his safe haven. Except, Y/N wasn't having any of that. She pulled him away and dropped a soft kiss to his forehead. "Tell me what happened."

He took in another shaky breath.

"I… I heard you."

"Heard me?" Y/N blinked. "Yes. You were… you were talking to that girl on the couch and she was— she was talking about how I seem to be spending a lot of time with Lizzie and you— you said you didn't mind but she kept on insisting and you said they leave. they always do. I'm not going to leave you, Y/N, I promise. You're one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I'm not letting you go."

Oh.

"Seb," Y/N whispered, her own eyes now filled to the brim with tears. "Don't cry," he chuckled with a watery voice, wiping her tears off. "It's just— all my relationships before you… the guys were assholes. They always left 2-3 months in. I— I wasn't taking any chances with you, you know… plus, you're kind of a famous guy and you can get so many better women—"

He didn't want to hear it. Better than Y/N? Impossible. He pressed his lips to her, immediately deepening the kiss when she reciprocated. "I promise you, I cannot do any better than you." Y/N smiled shyly at his words and his heart filled with happiness. "Let's go to sleep."

Both of them tired from the crying, they got undressed without trying any funny business. Y/N put on her usual pair of shorts and one of Sebastian's huge t-shirts, getting into the bed where a boxer-clad Sebastian already lay. He pulled her into his arms and she rested her head on his chest, draping an arm around his taut abdomen.

"Comfy?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Yeah. Goodnight, doll, I love you."

"I love you too, Seb. Goodnight."

"...Never gonna leave you."

"Not a chance."

---

A/N: Thanks for reading! Leave a like if you liked it!

[ijustwant2write]

Call Me By My Name-Pietro Maximoff x Powers!Reader

(GIF credit to @dailymarvelposts​)

Tags: @bloodorangemoonlight​ @amirahiddleston​

Requested by @husherstan​ : ‘could you write a one w pietro maximoff? idk if you know about a trend on tik tok where a gf or bf call them partners by they first name. Reader and Pietro are enemies cuz them both are always trying to be the best of t team, reader calls him by others names and when she (or gn) calls by him real name he was like "why are you calling me like that? whats wrong with you? are you feeling bad today?" (and he likes her so fucking much, a simp)’

Characters: Pietro Maximoff x Reader, Avengers team x Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name   

(Character has the power of force fields, that both generate electricity and provide protection for them/others)  

Warnings: Name calling, bullying, arguing, fluff

                                      *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“For the last time, watch where you’re going Speedy Gonzales!” I snapped as Pietro almost knocked me over again.

His form whizzed around the room once more before stopping in front of me.“Maybe try keeping up next time.”

I was startled by the force he left behind as he ran off again making a show of circling the entire training room multiple times, creating a small wave of air. I groaned loudly as I went back to jogging. He was such a show off, it infuriated me. We weren’t here to compete against each other, we were supposed to be a team; but when he waltzed around the place boasting about how fast he was, it was really hard not to step up to the plate. 

Pietro was running faster than usual, trying to overlap me dozens of times, more than he would have done in a normal session. It got on my last nerve, making me stop, my powers already flowing through my arms. It would be hard to pinpoint him, so I charged up a huge ball of electricity, casting it out harshly. I just managed to catch him, laughing as he yelped out in surprise, being thrown high into the air before landing on the sparring mats. I saw him slowly get up, clearly I had caused some pain. My fun was soon ended as he ran towards me again, having to quickly put up a force field that would protect me. Pietro bounced off it, though I hadn’t put any charge in this one, so he only fell on his backside.

“Enough!” Wanda yelled out, though we still kept our guard up around each other.“Really (Y/N)? You can relax now.”

“I don’t trust him.” I replied.

She sighed.“Come on, Steve wants to talk about the mission.”

“Why? We debriefed three days ago.”

“Something to do with it being on the news.” she shrugged, walking away.

Pietro glanced back at me, looking me up and down before following his sister. However, he didn’t look at me with disgust or anything of the sort, it was almost as if he was checking me out. I tutted at myself, why on Earth would he ever look at me like that?

I wasn’t happy joining the meeting in my sweaty state.Everyone else was dressed and put together, but at least Pietro looked similar. The team was gathered around a table, looking to Steve who was stood at the front, his arms crossed over his chest. He had the look of disappointment on his face, which meant bad news for the rest of us...or whoever was in trouble. With no seats left, I copied Steve’s stance at the back of the room, rolling my eyes when Pietro stood beside me.

“Sorry to call you guys in on such short notice.” Steve started.“But I feel that we have to discuss something that’s starting to effect the team.”

He pulled up a screen showing the news. It had images and videos of our last mission. We were raiding an old factory on the edge of the city, finding a terrorist group hiding out there as they worked on their gadgets. News coverage showed the team fighting from a helicopter view, and we were all confused as to why Steve was showing us this.

“Fastest man alive,” Pietro repeated what the reporter said,“it has a nice ring to it.”

“I wouldn’t put that in your Tinder bio.” I quipped, causing a few chuckles.

Steve looked at me.“And this is why we’re here today.”

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.“What?”

“You and Pietro are always at each other’s throats. It’s...well frankly, it’s exhausting listening to you two arguing all the time. And it could seriously put someone in danger whilst on a mission, even you two.”

“He always starts it-”

Pietro held up a finger.“Hold on, you do too-”

“You’re just proving his point guys.” Natasha spoke over us.

“As I was saying,” Steve brought the attention back to him,“the media has also caught onto this. There’s multiple images of you two clearly arguing, or even getting in each others way during the mission. At one point, you’re both trying to save the same person, but almost miss that chance because you’re so invested in being better than the other!”

Steve was really mad, and from everyone else’s faces, they thought the same thing.

“So until all of this changes, you two are suspended from any missions.”

“What?!” we both exclaimed.

“And you may not approach any other team member for assistance with training.”

“Why are we both being punished?” I demanded to know.

“Oh, do not play the victim here Mrs Incredible!” Pietro snapped.

“Mrs Incredible is super stretchy, it’s the daughter who has the same powers as me, you idiot!”

“See? You’re further showing me that I made the right decision. I felt bad at first, but now I know that this is the right direction to go in.” Steve raised his voice.“You’re both dismissed.”

“Well, what are the rest of you doing?” Pietro dared to ask.

“We are going to go over all the planning we have done for upcoming missions. Everything has to change because of you two. Now please go.”

I held it together as I left the room, not wanting to appear like a toddler stomping away in a tantrum. It was impossible to get away from Pietro, what with him being ‘the fastest man alive’, but I was going to try. I didn’t need another argument right now, I was upset, needed to be alone. Apparently, I wasn’t going to get that.

“Leave me alone.” I warned Pietro as he followed me.

“I can’t believe this! They’ve kicked us off the team because you always have to say something-”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“And to think, they’re going to risk not having me on the team. I help them with everything, I’m a crucial part-”

“Pietro!” I shouted, spinning on my heel to face him. 

His eyes widened at that, glancing down to my clenched up fists, little electric sparks running over them, before looking me in my teary eyes. 

I sighed, relaxing my tense shoulders and hands before leaving. There was no point trying to explain. He wouldn’t understand. We would both get mad, probably fight, the team would have to break us up; I had no energy to do that. Slowly turning away, I was surprised by the silence that followed, Pietro didn’t even follow me. 

I checked the time on the lock screen of my phone, seeing that an hour had passed since I fled from Pietro. It also made me realise how dark the room had become, the sun would set in a few minutes. But I didn’t bother turning on any lights, instead leaning back again on the chair. I was sat in an empty lobby, it was a small room, facing the floor to ceiling window that showed the landscape that surrounded the headquarters. Besides just sitting here, I should have distracted myself. Perhaps put on a film, relax after training, something to take my mind off of things. Instead, I decided to sit with my thoughts.

“H-hey.” I heard Pietro quietly say from the doorway. 

Looking over my shoulder, I didn’t reply, facing the window again when he began walking towards me. He hesitantly turned on a lamp near us, sitting on the chair beside mine. Pietro also looked out of the window, clasping his hands together for a few seconds before fidgeting. I tried to ignore it, though after an hour of peace and nothingness, it became irritating quickly.

“Can you stop?” I blurted out.“Please?”

“Are you annoyed by everything I do?” he asked.

“Not...everything. I just...doesn’t matter, it’s not like you care anyway.”

“That’s not true.”

“I’m not falling for this Pietro.”

“Why are you saying my name?”

“What?”

“You never say my name. Actually, we never say each others names.”

“And why does that matter?”

“It just feels, it feels serious.”

“I mean, we’ve basically been kicked off the team, so yeah, it’s serious.”

“We’ve not been kicked off the team (Y/N).”

“We could be if we don’t get our act together.”

“It won’t go that far-”

“But it could! I can’t believe how calm you are about the whole thing.” I stood, distancing myself from him.“I’ve worked too hard for this. Imagine what would happen if word got out that I was disbanded from the Avengers because of a tiny argument, with a team member who is so narcissistic that he can’t put others before himself!”

I realised I had began ranting, stopping myself before I said anything else hurtful. But by the look of Pietro’s face, it was already too late.

“I...I’m sorry (Y/N).” he never broke eye contact.“And before you say anything, I mean it.”

“Pietro, I-”

“I can see how much this job means to you.”

“It’s my fault too. I always try to outdo you or challenge you.”

“No, don’t be humble.” he got out of his seat, standing in front of me.“It’s almost always my fault that we argue. And I hate myself for it.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m usually very good with the ladies.” he grinned, though it disappeared when he realised it wasn’t time to joke.“But not around you apparently. It’s probably because you’re extremely strong and sure of yourself, and I go for a different type, the polar opposite to you.”

“Pietro, I...um...”

“I was really impressed by you when we first met. It made me nervous actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, all I can do is run really fast.”

“But, you’ve been on much more missions than I have. Doesn’t that say something?” I hung my head.

“Are you crazy? You’re not on those missions because they don’t need you.”

My head whipped up to see his smile drop.

“I didn’t mean it like that! I meant that those missions are for Avengers like me. The ones they can use over and over without worrying about them being too tired for the next one. What I’m trying to say is, you’re too important.”

“I never thought I would say this, but Pietro, you’re an important part of the team too. I always rose to your challenges because I felt I needed to prove something to the others. I was new, then I was accepted after all my relentless training, but when you and Wanda came along, I instantly became old news. And you didn’t even go through the rigorous regimes like I did, so I just assumed you were better than me.”

“It seems we were both wrong about each other. We were going through a lot of effort to outdo the other when we could have saved that energy for...well, anything else really.”

“Yeah. I suppose so.”

Pietro held his hand out.“Truce?”

I smiled up at him as I shook it.“Truce.”

A cheeky smirk appeared as he raised an eyebrow at me.“Let’s not tell the team about this just yet. I feel like there would be a lot of ‘I told you so’.”

“It’s like you read my mind.”

“And another thing.”

I noticed he was still holding my hand, though they were lowered now, and his grip wasn’t as firm.“Yes?”

“Can we start calling each other by our actual names?”

“I mean, I assumed we would anyway.”

“Oh, good. I just...”

“You just?”

“I just like the way it sounds when you say my name.”

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

I'm sorry but i'm addicted to our boy Spamton- I have a little unique request here. So this takes place where Spamton just moves in the Queen's mansion, he meets the reader and immediately falls for their kind words and gestures. Weeks pass, and he goes to see them, but catches them talking and hanging out with Swatch.. He gets really jealous to the point of changing his style to match Swatch's

"Oh [y/n]! Have You Met Our Newest Guest?"

"Uh, I don't believe-"

"He's An Interesting Addison Who Made A Big Name For Himself! Ohohoho!" Queen laughed joyously, pausing to sip her glass of battery acid. "I Wonder How He Got So Rich...No Matter. As My Peon, I Order You Greet Him......Whenever It's Convenient For You."

"Sure thing. I'll go now." With a respectful nod, you set off to the mansion's guest chambers to meet this newcomer. You've lived here for a long time--and somewhat reluctantly since Queen decided to make you one of her peons one day. But life was actually pretty good.

It wasn't like you had anything better to do, so if she needed someone to help her with plans that..didn't seem all-that urgent, you'll offer your assistance. She let you stay in the mansion for free and never made you do anything if you weren't feeling up to it.

For a tyrannical ruler she was rather kind.

Yet you didn't wanna take advantage of her hospitality, so you'd just listen to whatever she says. And if she wants you to meet this celebrity as part of her endless lists of requests, then you'll happily oblige. But you were eager too since you've seen his face on TV a lot. It felt like an honor.

After wandering the corridors of deactivated puzzles, Mona Lisa-esque portraits, and meticulously-placed pottery, you finally arrived at the guest rooms. You hummed a small tune as you passed by each one, stopping when you noticed one door was open.

Peeking inside, you saw the Addison still setting up things. A phone was tucked between his shoulder and ear as he moved a box whilst rambling to whoever was on the other end of the line.

"Yea! I promise I won't let you down, okay? Soon I'll be bigger than ever before! I know I'm already a big shot but....haha, yeah, I shouldn't get carried away. Okay. Right..we'll discuss more of this tomorrow. Thanks!"

After hanging up the phone and returning it to the receiver, he finally noticed you and smiled. "Hey, hey! Haven't seen your face around here yet. But surely you know mine, right?"

"Yeah." You smiled, not wanting to shy away from talking with him. "Spamton, right?"

"Everybody's favorite number-one rated salesman!!" He laughed. "It's good you know me..'cuz soon ALL of Cyber World will know my name! It's a pleasure to meet you...?"

"[Y/n]. I'm one of Queen's peons." You shook his hand politely. The energy that radiated from him was so bright. Just as much as his pearly smile was.

Stepping inside, you glanced around at the luxurious furniture. He definitely got the higher-class rooms, with the addition of a large window that showed the neon green meridians that stretched across the night sky. It was certainly a beautiful view to fall asleep to. "Need help unpacking?"

"Oh--sure!!" At first Spamton seemed surprised by your offer, but he nodded. "If you want, be my guest. And while we unpack, I gotta ask you..how's it being Queen's peon?"

............

Weeks passed, and you've gotten to know Spamton more and more. You realized he was actually a sweet down-to-earth guy all around. Although he was on the phone a lot, he'd make time to hang out with you, so you two became fast friends.

He was truly living the best life. Posters of his car advertisements were littered all over the city, and the Swatchlings attended to his every need. Though one thing was hard to admit, even when it seemed like he had it all:

You were his only friend now that everyone else is intimidated by his status--as they would shy away from conversing with him--and the Addisons, well, abandoned him out of jealousy.

Obviously that made him worry about driving you away, especially when he's on the phone nonstop. But...the fact you've been so kind to him in every word and gesture, treating him like a regular person and not some untouchable celebrity, was quite endearing. Most admired him for his products, not his personality.

Your kindness made him fall for you hard and fast, ever since day one. He wasn't sure if this was a good idea; to let it get in the way of his business.

But what the hell? He was a big shot! He can afford to go a bit bigger and take more risks. Living in this mansion with someone who loved him would be the perfect dream.

There was a much bigger dream that his valued caller insisted he focused on, but that can come later.

So this morning, Spamton set out to find you to address these feelings once and for all. Yet he was rather nervous. Addisons were most confident in selling products, not so much...everything else. But he didn't wanna back down. He kept smiling no matter what.

As he checked inside the color café that he usually frequented, he saw you eating at the table. He noticed you weren't alone but with Swatch, talking and...

Laughing with them?

And just like that, his smile faded much like his hope.

Of course, the head butler had their ways to swoon people. He tried not to think of it as anything more than just their personality. It's just their way to entice returning customers.

That's all...right?

Spamton ducked behind one of the displays, listening in on your conversation to determine if he should proceed or not.

"By the way, we've known each other for a while and..I've always wanted to ask you something.."

"Yes? What is your inquiry?"

He held his breath. This is exactly what he feared. Knowing that you've been here longer, it's obvious you'd be closer to that damn bird-

"Your outfit."

Then he exhaled shakily, relieved. 'What are you getting so worked up for, idiot?' He thought in the back of his mind, but he continued eavesdropping.

"Did the Queen make it or give it to you? It's very stylish and really makes you stand out from the other Swatchlings."

"Ah, in fact I decided this look for myself." Swatch chuckled softly, raising a wing to adjust their glasses. "The tailor did marvelous work with my vision: black suit, tinted glasses. Very fashionable, is it not?"

"It is. I like it a lot."

"Why thank you. I see why our Lady Grace admires you. Just for that compliment, I'll give you a discount on any of our products in the gift shop."

"Should be every day if you ask me." You joked, earning another chuckle from them.

Seeing all of this and the way you two spoke like close friends was a jab in Spamton's heart-shaped object. 'So [y/n] likes people who stand out? Well I can stand out, too..' He thought bitterly as he stormed out of the shop without either of you knowing he was there.

Why should he settle with being a blank-slate Addison like the rest of them? He didn't consider himself one anymore.

Today, he told his valued caller, he was gonna be a whole new person.

It would help him get closer to both of his dreams, but there was only one on his mind now.

............

Later that night as you were getting ready for bed, you heard a knock at the door. You huffed in annoyance, assuming Queen needed you for something.

She had a knack for disturbing you at ungodly hours. But knowing better than to ignore her, you went to answer the door anyways-

To some strange black-haired guy in a black suit and white turtleneck sweater.

"Hi, um...can I help you?"

"[Y/n]? It's me."

"....wait....Spamton?"

"Yeah!" The salesman laughed, throwing his arms out and making a pose. "Whatdya think of me now?"

Perplexed, you looked him up and down. He ditched the lime-green pants, instead wearing white trousers. And his hair was slicked back. But what was most peculiar about him were his glasses, tinted with pink and yellow lenses.

Had you not known any better, you would've thought Swatch suddenly shrunk and became robotized.

"Cool but..you kinda look like Swatch a little bit. Was that on purpose?" You mused.

"...haha....yeah uh..funny story. Um.." He dropped the act, losing his trademark grin as he wondered how to explain himself and this sudden transformation. You could tell he wanted to talk inside the room, so you let him in and shut the door.

"I don't recall Queen mentioning any costume contest-"

"It's not a costume." He muttered, uncomfortably rubbing his hands together as he looked at you with sadness. "This is who I am now. The new me."

"..huh? You serious?" When he nodded, you frowned slightly. "I'm confused. You don't look like an Addison anymore-"

"That's the point...! I...I don't wanna be associated with them anymore. I decided to stand out, y'know? If you're gonna be a big shot, ya gotta stand out from the crowd!" He forced a laugh that sounded rather glitchy.

You didn't buy it. It wasn't like him to do this out of the blue.

"Spamton, why imitate Swatch of all people? And why out of the blue like this? I mean..I don't mind if you like their style. But I didn't even recognize you until you spoke."

Try as he might, he couldn't make any better excuses. So seeing that he was cornered made him finally admit his jealousy, overhearing your conversation with Swatch while he was browsing--when he really wasn't, but he didn't wanna come off as creepy.

His voice glitched further due to stress, accidentally blurting out some kind of...flirtatious term as he explained how much you meant to him since day one.

You weren't sure if he meant to say "hot single" on purpose. Though you were flattered that such a famous guy like him...actually had a crush on you, an ordinary Darkner who just fetched the Queen's stick wherever she threw it.

You found it hard to believe he thought of you that way..so you kept your own feelings buried. So to see that it's mutual was a relief, and it made you smile.

Spamton, on the other hand, was stressing the hell out. So much so he didn't even see your smile. He just saw himself being stupid the more he rambled on.

It was such a stupid, stupid reason to get insecure--to the point of changing his entire appearance without warning. All because you were friends with a butler who was doing their job???

How selfish can he get when he already had everything he wanted and more?

When he did acknowledge your small smile, he thought you were holding yourself back from laughing. But you had every right to laugh and call him a joke for thinking this will get your attention.

As he finished talking, he could see your smile fade and huffed. He waited for you to tell him how stupid he looks and to go back to being the plain old Addison you met.

Instead of ridiculing him you...hugged him?

At this point you were sitting on the bed together. Of course yours wasn't as massive as his was, but it was big enough for you two to share.

"Spammy, I'm flattered you like me in that way but...you didn't have to do all of this to get my attention. I promise there's nothing going on between Swatch and I. We're just friends. They're not replacing you or anything."

"I know, it's just.." Taking off the glasses, he set them aside before hugging you tightly, head buried in your chest. "I don't wanna lose the only person in this damn place who makes me feel like myself. Who loves me for me, not my success. And...I-I felt like I had to change something about myself to make sure of that."

"Well..you don't need to change anymore. I love you no matter what you look like."

He blinked, his face turning as red as his cheeks.

You could sense his embarrassment from the way he tensed up in your arms and chuckled, patting his hair softly. "Just..don't feel pressured to change for me..or anybody for that matter, okay? Or at least let me know if you're gonna change things up again."

"You don't think..I look stupid or creepy like this?"

"No. Honestly you look pretty handsome. Black hair suits you well."

Hearing those words made him breathe a small sigh of relief. He nodded and hugged you tighter.

His new looks were staying for good.

[twilightmalachite]

Twin Peaks - division by zero 1

Author: Akira

Characters: Hiiro, Kaoru, Hinata, Yuuta

Translator: Mika Enstars

Proofers: 310mc & feesh

"Hmm? What do you mean, “too”? No way, Hakaze-senpai, did you...!?"

Season: Autumn

Location: Starmony Hall Common Room

That night…

Yuuta: And so, this calls for a family meeting!

Hinata: Yup. We felt that there was no point in continuing from where we were, so we should rethink details, courses of action, and such.

Kaoru: And for some reason, we’re being pulled into your family meeting too...

Anzu-chan can’t enter the Starmony Dorms, and I’m in too deep to have the heart to leave, so now I’m here to accompany you guys.

Hiiro: Heheh, well, we live under not only the same roof, but in the same rooms as well, so I think we count as family in a broad sense![1]

Hinata: Yes, Hiiro-kun said something great once again! You’ve earned 50 Hinata-kun points! There’s somethin’ I like about the way you put things... ♪

Yuuta: Y’know, he’s perfect for you, Aniki—strong and simple. You’re too reckless, you’ll end up breaking anyone who needs to be handled sensitively.

Hinata: Oh no~, you’d even call Onii-tan something like brutish?![2]

Yuuta: It’s not like I’m any different, but I’m talking about how you keep up that act of yours…

Hiiro: Haha, I don’t fully understand what you’re talking about, but I’ve finished preparing our dinner for tonight. Why don’t we continue talking while we eat? Besides, even if nothing else, we all need nourishment to keep living.

Hinata: Thankies! Usually it’s Shiina-senpai makin’ something even if we don’t ask, but he’s on some expedition today, right?

Hiiro: Indeed. Crazy:B is still in a difficult position, so he’s been pretty busy as a chef.

He flew to Alaska because he apparently said he has to gather ingredients for cooking contests and the like.

Hinata: Why Alaska, of all places…? Though considering we’re talking about him, it’s likely he just blurted it out without thinking.

Hiiro: Yeah, Shiina-san tends to say thoughtless things when he’s hungry.

Kaoru: Alright now, I get you guys might not like facing your problems, but let’s talk about ourselves rather than other people, ‘kay?

Though I am a little concerned about Shiina-kun, too. We’ve worked together before, so I feel as if we’re friends.

Yuuta: Personally, I don’t really care about Crazy:B... I’d prefer to not involve myself with them as much as possible. It’d be a problem if they pour poison in me again.

Hinata: But Yuuta-kun, you think that poison is so delicious that you always slurp up every last bit of it!

Yuuta: Zip it...

Anyways, what should we do? I don’t think the idea of whoever wins a showdown between Aniki and I gets to appear on Volcano Island was a bad one by itself, though.

Hinata: Well, it doesn’t seem like the both of us making an appearance is an option, so we can’t really escape choosing which one of us gets to perform. They won’t wait for us to make a decision, either.

Yuuta: Yeah, the program originally had a policy to not let idols appear, so…

If we keep dawdling about some problem, the mere possibility of appearing on the program will likely go up in smoke.

Hinata: If we come to the conclusion that it won’t benefit us in any way, then that’s a way to solve this issue, as well. A wise man keeps away from danger, so we could ignore it, and move on.

Yuuta: But if we do that, it won’t be a good look for us regarding music programs, and even the Vice Prez. Going “Oh, we can’t do it after all” after we’ve already taken something on is just going to make them think, “The hell?”

Hinata: Mhm, not to mention, we practically forced Anzu-san into this mess, so it’s not gonna impress her if we don’t give her anything to come back with.

Actually, never mind, I don’t think anything would change, considering it’s her we’re talking about.

Maybe it’s ‘cuz of my move during the Repayment Fes, but I feel she’s even more stubborn than usual…[3]

The line drawn between idol and producer is starting to feel more like an impassable valley.

Kaoru: Huh, what? Did you do something like confess your love to her at Repayment Fes too, Hinata-kun...?

Hinata: Hmm? What do you mean, “too”? No way, Hakaze-senpai, did you...!?

Kaoru: No no no no, it’s not anything like that![4]

...Ahh, would you look at that! Anzu-chan’s calling me!

Hinata: Don’t change the subject, now~! How’d you propose? “I want to be your Yuuta-kun”, perhaps?!

Yuuta: You would confess like that, wouldn’t you? Do you really think that’ll make someone’s heart flutter?

Kaoru: Okay, quiet down a little! Anzu-chan’s voice is soft and quiet, so it’s hard to hear her over the phone—

Hmm? Ah, yes! I’m talking about the matter with 2wink and Hiiro-kun over dinner right now!

Hinata: Ah~... Did Anzu-san call because she was concerned about us?

Yuuta: Then why is she talking to Hakaze-senpai instead of contacting us directly...?

Does this mean you’re able to talk freely about even more sensitive matters? Congrats to the newly wedded couple!

Kaoru: Don’t tease… She’s genuinely worried right now…

It’s probably just because of what happened at the Setsubun Festival that she’s too nervous about interfering with 2wink directly.

Hinata: That’s gonna affect us forever, huh…

Yuuta: I personally feel like it had to happen, though. But okay, I get it now—she contacted you instead of Hiiro-kun, since he doesn’t know anything about the Setsubun Festival. So it was just a process of elimination.

Kaoru: Uu...! I’m happy she picked me, even if it was only just that…!

Hiiro: Hmm, at this point, even a process of elimination would be okay—we just need to decide who from 2wink will perform.

Kaoru: Yep, that’s why we’re discussing the matter together right now—To find the best way to do that.

Two heads are better than one—And we have four people with us now, so I’m sure we’ll come up with really nice ideas! ♪

Uhyah!? Anzu-chan says “there are five people!”

Should we let her participate in the meeting using HoldHand’s telework function, then?

Yuuta: Oh yeah, there was a function for that, wasn’t there? It was some sort of video call function like Skype’s. Then, let’s go ahead and invite Anzu-san to our room...

Hiiro: I see! Since the dormitory doesn’t allow women, Anzu-san can’t enter, but using data it becomes possible to invade and explore. You found the rule’s blind spot, huh?

Kaoru: Yep. I doubt we’d be allowed to do this in private rooms, of course, but this is a shared space, so it’s okay. ...Oh, it’s connected!

Hinata: Heheh~! Welcome to the rumored men’s dormitory! ♪

Yuuta: Ahaha, good evening, Anzu-san~! ♪ Are you at home right now?

Kaoru: Ggh, Anzu-chan looks so cute in casual wear...!

Wait, is that... is Anzu-chan in her room right now?

Oh right, you commute to ES from your home, right? I-Is this really alright for me to see?!

Yuuta: Get a hold of yourself, Hakaze-senpai. What happened, I thought you were supposed to always be reliable...?

Hinata: Hehe. But y’know, I’m happy. There’s all sorts of people thinking of us. It’s not just the two of us anymore.

Yuuta: But that’s also what makes it so hard. We can’t be burdening the people around us...

Though that doesn’t mean I want to return to that simple mindset where it’s just you and I, and everyone else are our enemies…

Hinata: Yeah, especially since we now have to fight amongst ourselves. I doubt we would’ve been able to survive this.

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Another reference to Ainu culture! Unlike large historical Japanese families, Ainu families would live on a single plot of land among one another, and reside in a single house. For example, upon marrying into a family, that person would move onto their land and into their house. If a couple had children, the house would be expanded to make room, so on and so forth.

The return of “Atai Hinata!” Refer to last chapter’s TL note.

Referring to the Repayment Festival of the previous year, Hinata made a subtle move towards Anzu, asking her if she had a crush on any of the idols in Yumenosaki. She responded firmly that a producer/idol relationship is unprofessional and she cares about her work, as well as her idols, very much. This caused Hinata to feel upset, nearly accusing her of “treating her idols as a mere job”, because Anzu had decided to keep a distance with her idols despite having previously encouraged Hinata not to keep a distance. Looking back, he recognizes it was a cruel emotional outburst of his.

It is.