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bunnihearted · 1 month ago

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🫖🐭☁️🍚

#so i did meet my old friend from years ago yesterday. i was sooooo nervous omgggg. and i was waiting outside the café we agreed on #and then saw them walk in and i was like omgggg. the anxiety... but then i gathered courage and walked towards it and thry saw me thru the #window and came out and immediately hugged me. then they were like 'omg i've been so nervous. even more than before like a date!!'#so that made me relax a bit. i feel like i dont really fully estimate what i mean to them. maybe they care about me as well haha !!#then we just got our stuff and i chose a smoothie and was ready to pay but they just got it with their stuff (they work at this chain so #they got a discount). i feel so so bad & anxious when someone else pays for me. like i feel like a burden #but i asked twice if i should send them money for it and they were like no that's fine. so i had to tell myself to just shut up abt it 🥲#bc if u keep asking u make it into a thing and make them uncomfortable etc. so i really appreciated that and it was nice even if i felt bad #but yeah then we just sat down and talked. and it was so much easier to talk to them than i had been worried abt #like it flew nicely and yeah.. i feel like i forgot a lot abt them. like they're good at conversating. so they kept it going & even if i was #awkward it was fine for them. i did however get swept up in my own anxiety so as they asked me questions i answered #but then was too whirlwindy so i didnt really ask as much back and there were things i wanted to ask but didnt :')))#then they had cards and a card game with them. so we played for a bit too. and it was a lot of fun!!! (i was anxious and kinda slow lmao #bc when i dont know smth or the rules etc already my brain stops working so yeah.. even if it was simple games i was like um um what do i do #felt stupid but yeah again they didnt do anyhing to contribute to me feeling stupid but i still felt slow >.<#but i still thought that was so much fun. i wanna do more of that T-T like yeah...that was nice #then we took a lil longer walk to a bus stop before hastily said goodbye bc the busses came T-T #it was really really really nice tho. i have missed them a lot #and i didnt .. think we would ever see eachother again. i really didnt think this could happen #im so glad i somehow got brave enough to message them and im so so glad they wanted to see me too #i cant help but wish i could go back to when we were younger #and we spent every day in school together and messaged during the days and evenings and spent sm time together #when we went into the city like several times a week and took long walks. ahh... well. im glad we got to have those moments #& idk what will happen now. i really really want to see them again. even if we'll never be that close friends again i'd *wish* that we could #still be in touch. but im so bad at replying which doesnt go over great with them.. i'll try my best to reply quicker to them #*if* they message me. sadly i cant erase my avpd but i'll try my best to reply faster if and when they message)#they also complimented my sweater i was wearing (which is my fav sweater) !!!! and yeah.. they looked so cool. which they always have #and i kept thinking abt how nice their eye makeup was (i was too shy to compliment it tho bc im really bad at like 'nice' affectionate and #anything feeling related. like im so bad... so i couldnt say anything </3)#ugh it was just so nice to sit and talk with them. im so glad i went despite my fears. bc this was so good and nice :')))

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theclearblue · 2 months ago

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I'm gonna get into a brawl with my mother one day don't be surprised when I get on the news

#long rant incoming lol but #so my birthday is in like 2 weekends from now and my mom asked me for a list of things i want #so i compiled a list of six things with like 2 $10 options 2 like $17 options and one $25 and $60 option #and i wanna be clear i dont really care to make one but she gets pissy if i dont and its meant as more an ideas list #i dont need everything on there and its meant for my entire family #or ignore the list! i don't care!#FREAKED OUT on me saying i was being selfish/too expensive and im like....i never expected all of this stuff epseically from one person...#i am happy with one of the $10 options or a gift card or something else entirely so like #it kinda feels bad to get asked for a list of stuff i want and then get called selfish for it and then for her to talk behind my back about #me to my sister lol #also asked me if i was available for a bday celebration on a certain day and i was like yeah i got a thing in the afternoon but i can #still make it #get yelled at AGAIN bc she said oh u can leave that early and i was like...uh...no i cant lol im sorry....i paid to go to this thing already #and its like why ask me if u are gonna get mad if im unavailable (which im not even lmao)#idk it's just it's always been an ideas list in my family so i dont get why she's freaking out on me and acting like im asking for so much #espcially cause she just changed out all of her kitchen appliances and redid all of the landscaping in her front and back yard like 😭😭😭#truly didnt think a $10-20 gift was like crazy if u did wanna get me a gift lol #not really looking forward to it now ngl #chen.txt #rant post

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netherdevil · 4 months ago

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unnormal vivilly dweller thoughts in my head

#“I'm right next to you” are we about to kiss. are you trying to kiss me right neow #i hate the chase sequence part (corny and unoriginal) but everything else is so perfect #hEeEeLP MEeEeEE #i fuckign love vivilly anyway but i think the vivilly dweller is what Really did it fr me #SERIOUSLY THOUGJ WHAT THE FUCK #i would make a palpers dweller but i dont think my computer can with how shit it is rn #like i definitely will at some point (unless someone beats me to it) but i just can't rn 😭#i csnt wait for august viv face reveal guys!!!! YAY!!!! idc what he looks like he will always be so splinkoid #plus whatever characteristics he has i can kinda just add on to my design to him behind his mask #i color his skin as dark grey just for his mc skin but seeing his snapchat n stuff makes me wanna show him off as rhe eyeblinding man he is #or not! who knows . i have a tendency to do whatever #okay speakijg of his face reveal #i have something i want to explain to the wall #a part of me is hoping he isnt generic conventionally attractive guy 38495839488 #the rest of me is neutral because idrc #the reason why is most likely because i would feel a deeper connection to him if we shared similar facial features #it's a good reason i think? but still weird to have because i shouldnt really care what he looks like at all #idk what to expect really but i guess i should be open minded abt it #I JUST. a lot of how i perceive him is through his mc character #that played a big part in how i grew to like him so much #but he ISN'T emo hoodie minecraft shyguy!!!#however i can still enjoy the 'persona' he has online. chill sarcastic insane funny blocky shyguy who does a little (A LOT OF) trolling #anyway back to what i was saying #hope bro isn't majestic as fuck irl #IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE DREAM I'M GOING TO CRY #DREAM IS MAJESTIC AS FUCK I CANT EVEN WITH THAT MAN #i will be supportive anyway ofc because 1) i dont care even though i just proved that i do 2) i can separate persona from irl person 3)...U #IM SO NORMAL #also we're not goijg toctalkcabou t the dream thing. if youre my irl yoy didnt aee this (PLEASE DONT UNFRIEND ME OELASE #DONT LEAVE JUST FORGER Iなはoops didnt mean to type thatSAID THAT OKAY

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neofelis----nebulosa · 5 months ago

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saw a living oriole irl for the first time today!

#it was a female orchard oriole #i even sucessfully photographed it #at least kinda #definently not my best photo but for a 15 second first time sighting of a small passerine im happy with it #but yeah i had a very fun time watching birds today #there was a common grackle that kept coming back to this wet piece of bread #i couldnt find an angle i liked unfortunately but i got some decent stuff i think #it was interesting tho bc there were quite a few of the species where i was watching #but it was only that one individual that took interest in the bread #i could tell it was the same one bc he had a scar around his neck :(#i wonder if he had gotten tangled in some fishing line at some point and at some point the fishing line was removed #bc none of my photos looked like there was any fishing line around his neck currently #he might have been a rehabbed and released bird #but yeah i really wish the fishers at the park i birdwatch at would bc more careful about leaving their lines out #idk the terminology lol #but they tend to be pretty haphazard about it :(#im kind of worried bc rusty blackbirds frequent the park and theyre a vulnerable species #fortunately theyre only around for winter/early spring so not during the majority of the fishing but still #i try to clean it up when i can #one time there was an american robin caught in a loose fishing line and i was able to get it out #unfortunately i did not have scissors or any other sharp object on me so i wasnt able to do it with much precision #when it was able to fly off it had some fishing line hanging from its feet still which is unfortunate but its better than the alternative #i wanted to run to the store and buy some scissors but i didnt want to leave it unattended in such a vulnerable position for any length...#...of time #but yeah clean up after yourselves when youre out in nature #even if its just an urban/suburban park like that

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the-kneesbees · 6 months ago

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uggh I'm gonna cry

#i lowkey miss when i had no friends 😭#i got invited to my friends birthday party and i really really didnt want to go #cause theres like 10 other people going and i vaguely know 2 of them #and theyre all kinda mean #like in the way your friends are mean where its clearly a joke #but im not friends with any of them-#qnd like in any other circumstance it would be fine #but its a POOL party #and there was no chace i was putting on a bathing suit and swimming #but i also was not ready to deal with being the weirdo who doesnt swim at a pool party #like i was really dreading this party #so i made some lame excuse #which is technically true #my brother DID break q bone today and my parents ARE being dramatic and i AM gonna have to wait on him #but thats not q good reason not to go #i was just really freaking out about this party #and its prob not a big deal and she definitely doesn't care as much as i think #but i feel so bad for being flaky #plus i already feel like a couple people there dont like me #so if my friend mentions why i didnt go theyre gonna think its a dumb excuse #i should have made something up but i had already said yes cause i couldnt think of anything #and then my parents wrre at the hospital for a really long time so i didnt know what exactly was happening #and i did genuinely think when i texted her that it was more serious and there would be no chance they could take me #qlso they both have stuff to do tomorrow (party day)#and i am actually gonna end up being the one helping him get water and stuff #but it just feels like such a lame excuse #idk #its just when im with these people (the ones going that im not friends with)#i constantly feel like i hace something to prove or theyll think im weird #and its so stressful

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5-htagonist · 6 months ago

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i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3

#seriously a blessing in my burnout recovery #i think i had 2 burnouts really #1st when i was 12 i burnt out academically #and fell into other hyperfixations like homestuck and anime #n cartoons also socially burnt after my friends got annoyed w myhyperfixes but got close w my husband which helped/distracted from burnout #then i did again injjjjunior year i would say #i was burnt out creatively and socially and i hated band for the first time and i met my first AP class that i couldnt just coast through #because we had to do checked notes and DAMN im grateful for that teacher!!!!!!!!!!!#genuinely led to me learning how to take notes on text when i never had to before #but i literally cried. because spent HOURSSS the first few times trying to do my notes before a classmate told me theres a website that #summarized the book #which helped a lot #but it was the first time since suspecting i have Something other than depression/anxiety that i was SURE i had adhd #it kinda just clicked so i got on a nonstimulant that helped a bit but had shitty physical symptoms that got worse as i got older #i was on it forrrr like 2 or 3 years before i stopped taking it #but i also got on a 504 which gave me deadline flexibility which like #great yknow finishing out junior and senior year medicated woo #but senior year last semester i had terrible senioritis lol #which i now realize was that 2nd burnout #and literally from march 2020 to the end 2022 i barely talked to anyone or engaged on any level with most people other than smoking weed #and being a therapist #and my beautiful wonderful husband ofc but we kinda enabled each other lmao #but yknow that gap of time when my locale cared about covid and stuff was just not going on i really recovered #i didnt draw much or do much hobbywise #i did probably too much weed and not too much but Quite a Damn Lot of acid #(which.. idk who follows me now... but acid isnt a evil scary drug it is not physically harmful and wholly dependent on mindset)#and i worked a lot #but... i quit my job at the end of 2022. which kinda directly correlates with me reconnecting with my friend group #and reconnecting with them... i decided to go back to college #re realized the path for my passion for psychology lies in academia and i LIKE that

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gibbearish · 7 months ago

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am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes

#that being said. pressurized cabins drive me insane a little bit #and also it gives you pretty intense sea legs for a While #like. the ones from the first trip hadnt gone away by the return one. so. might be stuck with that for a few days #we shall see #also ajr live fucks severely #the albums were already incredible but that was a goddamn religious experience #like. idk the way i think abt it is theyre more djs than a regular band esp w their performance showing the making of way less sad #like their music is very electronic‚ theyre making mixes of their own sound effects more than singing in one go #so like. the vocals were a teeensy bit rough at times #notably times it has taken me Literally Hundreds Of Hours Practice to be able to consistently sing along with #and times ive found its literally physically impossible to like. no matter what #idc how big your lungs are‚ there is no human on earth who can do that final run of karma in one breath #much less to An Entire Stadium After An Hour Of Jumping And Dancing And Singing Loud As Fuck #so like i dont blame them for that‚ you dont go to live shows expecting it to be 100% perfect anyways jwbdjsbfksb #the trumpet however. well she was certainly playing sometimes. and was very enthusiastic about her flares.#however. in most of their songs they use midi trumpets to my ear at least #meaning she was likely an addition specifically for live performances and in my personal band kid opinion #prooobably was not in any of the like. higher tier bands? idk just. a lot of the mistakes she was making were hitting as stuff that got #taught out of us the instant we joined any band beyond regular concert #so i would guess she was probably just like. a friend who happened to play trumpet in high school or maybe even just middle school #and they knew that the trumpet parts in their pieces were big and distinct enough that like they /had/ to get a live player #and just kinda. didnt anticipate the audition -> performance gap #like. her tone was really fried the whole time like she was playing as hard as possible #which. she was mic'd. have the sound guy turn her up.#the way they did it made it sound like she was using a mute but not. like she only got the bad parts of a mute from it yknow #her tempo and timing were. bad. theres no nice way to put that one it just Was Bad‚ like the trumpet runs in ajr songs arent. complicated #like. quite literally if you handed me the sheet music right now i would have it down perfect in a week at absolute most #and better than that player on sightread. like. we did so many sightreading drills.#like ill share my band kid creds if anyone cares but i need to emphasize this isnt me being braggy like. they genuinely just arent hard #fuck im out of tags. w/e i think only like one of yall also listens to them anyways so i can leave it there

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yuridovewing · 8 months ago

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im sure im gonna be singing this book’s praises but rn i just wanna get this out of the way- i get the feeling that gar face didnt age well

#naturally theres the whole ‘’oh hes got a disfigured face and hes the evil one’’#thing #but also him being an abuse victim. i dont remember how much they go into his family #or if they leave it at just that one chapter #i dont think ill harp toooo much on this bc like. its an issue worth talking about yes #but at the same time i dont really blame a kids book for not grasping all the nuances of child abuse #and i dont think appelt was going ‘’disabled abuse victims are bad’’ or anything. theyre common tropes unfortunately #but. im only on the first gar face chapter idk lol #from what i remember he serves his purpose as an antagonist well enough #the underneath liveread #edit on his second chapter: yeahhh sorry underneathheads i am remembering how much i didnt care for him lol #like. again he serves his purpose well in thr story from what i remember #hes a good contrast to how the animals and shapeshifters are written #but hes just kiiiinda boring to me. im kinda glazing over the alligator king chapter

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randomcollection-o-stuff · 10 months ago

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Watching this show is making me realize how much I adored the book series. Like I was one of those kids who knew all about Greek mythology and read the series a million times; I guess I didn't completely realize how much they impacted me and its all flooding back to me as I watch, like things I completely forgot are being retrieved from some vault in my mind and I go "I remember that!!!!"

Idk ig it's just really cool to access that part of me that I forgot about again.

#like genuinely i remember nothing from middle school #not a goddamn thing #idk i am having thoughts and feelings and am just rambling but its nice to remember a little bit of that gap #i didnt even think too much about the show when we started watching but it kinda cracked open a window to memories i thought i lost #something to think about #in other news i really tried getting my sibling into the series but it just never really happened!#like they never really cared about the books too much and left in the middle of episode two!#seeing the gap is strange but i had really hoped they would like the show #hmmmmmmmmmmmm many things to consider thank you Mr. Riordan #pjo #i really didnt think too much about it when we decided to watch but now i have Many #ollie rambles #<<<<best use of that tag thus far

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moonsidesong · 2 years ago

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played the fangame danganronpa another with a friend and i didn't really like the ending but i very much enjoyed mekaru bc she's just woman byakuya togami. i'm going to talk a lot in the tags now

#the translation was kinda weird and bad but you get used to it after a while #i do plan on playing the sequel just cause me and my friends enjoy playing murder mysteries #oh uh spoilers beyond this point i'm gonna give some hot takes for. the 3 followers that care about dangit grandpa #anyway uh. ending. yeah i'm definitely biased bc i don't really like sad endings for the most part #but i didn't really. like it.#i'm not really opposed to the idea necessarily of the protagonist NOT being a survivor it's definitely interesting #but given that this game's take on hope vs despair is that 'hope is created not found'#i thought it kinda sucked that they just left maeda/utsuro to die despite obviously being the one suffering the most #also i didnt. like. kisaragi much. him/his alter ego being the epic savior in the end sucked bad not gonna lie #i thought he was really interesting in his initial appearance bc he was someone who Knew what was happening #but was rendered unable to communicate any of it bc of his brain damage #but then he dies (which was expected wasn't really upset about it) and from there you only have flashbacks to go off of #and then he's just kinda boring #it'd be one thing if he was a heroic reliable person we knew from the start but he's just this. guy that shows up in chapter 5 #and we get told he's like the best we should trust him and believe in him but. like. idk this guy! it didn't feel earned #anyway kinjou was. a character. for sure.#i liked his arc and all but when they revealed in the ending that Oh actually his beliefs on crime haven't changed at all lol<3 #he still only thinks in extremes even after all that mess about recognizing the murders were done in gray area circumstances #so like what was that all FOR #also. like. Goddddd. GODDDD. AKANE TAIRA. UGH #when she gets revealed as the mastermind and she's like going crazy off the walls sillygoofy despair lady I thought she was really fun!!!#i enjoyed her quite a lot!!!!#but then utsuro gets involved and she's just immediately extremely pathetic #she just immediately loses all presence bc she just stops taking any authority as the mastermind and is like ouwuoiuuh utsuro samaaaa #i thought her being a maid but actually is a girlboss would be a FUN SUBVERSION but nah we just have peko pekoyama 2: evil this time #like when are we gonna be done with the trope of Woman is cool and powerful until Man shes subservient to is involved and then she's a wuss #it sucks it SUUUUCKS #utsuro himself is. fine. he's basically just bootleg izuru but i didn't really mind that i thought his origins were kinda interesting #anyway i'm out of tags so i guess that's the end of my hot takes #i liked the individual cases! i liked mekaru! ending was kinda bad. goofbye

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skrunksthatwunk · 10 months ago

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just found out rascal (babycat)'s been with his owner this whole time instead of my roommate which is. something. :|

#if you dont know whats happening basically mr and my roommate (dorms) have been raising an abused kitten belonging to our floormates #we had him for a month and a half i think and then a month of break has gone by with my roomie staying on campus and me going back home #to my prey-driven dogs and snake and cat-allergic mother among other things. hence the inability to really take him in easily.#i mean shit. if she decided to actually take care of him instead of making everyone around her into free childcare then that's a good thing #*petcare #and admittedly both me and my roommate should've been more in contact about him whether this was going on or not #we both have really bad object permanence + flow of time issues though so it kinda... didnt happen #i thought about him a lot though. i planned on coming back early to spend a few days just chilling with him before the semester started #but other stuff got in the way and i had the 'its too late so dont ask at all' guilt #idk. it seems like hes alive but i don't know much more than that rn. it makes me nervous yk #but i never thought she'd just. still have him. i never expect what she does with him tbh #i almost feel better about getting stuck and not figuring out visiting or shared custody (in my house that is Not Ideal For Him) knowing it #wasn't even really attainable but. shit.#i want her to treat him like he deserves and if she's doing that i have no right to complain. he's not my cat. he's not.#but it means she'll probably just leave with him someday. no thanks or payment or future contact. idk i just. thought this would end sooner #in taking him to a shelter or a new home or us taking him in or her putting her foot down. but instead it's like im drowning in gelatin #what am i even doing. i love him. so much. and i want a cat so so bad. i want *him* so bad.#but i didn't rescue him and i didnt even try and. god idk. i love him and i still couldn't get my ass up to visit in a whole month #i want to say it's because i was stuck and it's not untrue. but i just. idk. i still feel like i shoulda pushed through or whatever anyway.#it makes me feel like im just as bad as his owner when i know im not. im not.#he's probably a lot bigger now. assuming she's actually feeding him. god. i really thought he'd be with my roommate #for reasons im not even gonna bother getting into. and i was reassured that my roomie would tell me if something was up with him. and she #didnt. and im not mad at her it's not her fault i didn't reach out when i wanted to know. but i feel just. ough. stupid ass situation i got #myself into. stupid sad ass consequences of being nosy and big hearted and wanting to help in stupid ways #at least her dogs didnt eat him. i was worried about that. i don't think i could take it if she got him killed and i didn't push harder to #help him. but i can't just fucking. kidnap him. he's not mine and we're neighbors and i can't even keep him at my home. not really.#god i miss him so much. i hope i didn't hurt him by leaving. fucking hell.#but he needs somebody and his owner is almost certainly not it. and maybe im not either but i want to try for him. man.

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vaugarde · 1 year ago

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well i finished renegade. i sure was renegading all over the place

#it was alriiiight.... but man i hate to say it but i think i have more complaints than praises #i DID like florins new execution route and i liked talons deal. the entire end of night spell deal was horrifying and i loved it #i love that genre of horror like ''you die twice when you get forgotten after death''#so seeing it play out here was horrifying in a good way. talon and amber's deaths were both so fucking good like goddamn #they were just as heartbreaking as they needed to be. especially ambers like when you go talk to tesla after #but. man i dont think meta games are for me cause ngl i was sorta just like ''aight.'' to most of the meta here #like that was the one thing about talon i didnt care for. i thought ''everyone i know and love is going to die and god is screaming at me''#was a fine enough motivation to go crazy and become a rift. i thought it was compelling and tragic and a good thing to do #with a new character. but then he started going ''in older versions of the game i wasnt even there i was just a prop for the backstory''#and thats sorta when i started tuning out. like i cant explain why but i feel it made the scene more... cheap?#i think just cause personally ive seen that motivation a lot in meta games before and its gotten old to me #tbh the entire meta angle is whats really dragging this down to me. dont get me wrong i love eizen and his scenes #but i dont see why we have to canonize the game's update cycles as like a critical part of the world #and then theres m2 who i have mixed feelings on. cause i love the character type of ''ive been through so much shit idc anymore''#and they end up being kinda goofy and saying inappropriate/out of pocket things while trying not to discuss The Horrors #ive written more than one of those types of characters. but with m2 its like she doesnt know how to turn that off #like spacea and tiempa's deaths being a tera raid parody where they joke about being in a crashing plane and get bashed by extra melias #it just felt like. unfitting. (also a nitpick but goddamn that scene made my head hurt with how much the screen wobbled)#like really? this is the sendoff they get in the fucked up and evil route? and idk i just dont think m2 was all that funny.#she was more grating than anything tbh. and i just feel like her existence and the bad timeline is just Too Much #like there were already so many plotlines and arcs and do we Really need a new-ish character right before the climax #idk. im hoping v14 is more cohesive in this department #for now im taking a much needed break from this game lol

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mxbitters · 1 year ago

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got kandi bracelets at this pride event :0

#DEFINITELY my favorite event so far even though i missed most of it and also felt awkward walking around alone and missed #basically the whole drag show but the vibes were really good. a fuck ton of vendors didnt show though which is like a major shame but #over all it went really good <3 #lowkey my opinion on pride events kinda ride on whether or not i'm seeing the leather community like if i'm not it just feels awkward #the one awkward thing was just... it's tricky bc like #it kinda sucks to have to like mask my interest in things bc my mom's right there like #i appreciate she's supportive but like she complained about that kind of stuff at larger pride events and like..#idk man she didnt say anything today and i dont think she cares that much anymore?#but like idk man i can't really be like OPEN open about my sexuality in certain aspects with my mom right there

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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years ago

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I often times find myself wondering when interacting with people "am I doing this right?'"

It used to be even more often, I probably was really anxious about it back then. Now... not so much? I still find myself worrying a bit. And especially trying to find the correct "answer" or action to say or do. But. It's not really by any fault of my own. It's just what's expected of me in social situations doesn't always come naturally. So I'm awkward. But idk. While I'll always probably try to find the right answer for things, I'm a bit less worried than I used to be. And I suppose that's something good in a way.

#normal #oh. i dont have to be like this. i can do something different #who the fuck am i really.#diary #personal #i honeslty didnt even think this would turn out to be positive. like. i thought its be a bit more down.#but idk. despite knowing im probably doing a lot of things wrong. im still a bit happier this way.#its been a long while since ive just done things that are more true to myself and now worried about the consequences. so its kinda nice #idk. obviously in places like work i mask much more. but at a coffee shop. or talking with friends. or even alone in my bedroom -#i do it much less. i used to be so self-conscious. i wouldn't even dance alone in my room. its strange to think thats -#just how much pressure society exibits. its impressive really. id try not to do things incase it wasnt #i think in a way the internet really saved me from a lot of that. yeah it probably exasperated some of my problems but it also helps too?#i can find communities and learn about things i love even if i dont participate.#i suppose its nice just knowing #and thats opened up a lot of avenues for me. like. knowing i dont need to be in a relationship. that i can collect stuffed toys.#that i can be obsessed with something stupid. just. a lot of small things like that? it sorta takes off that huge pressure to conform.#idk. i used to be so fixated on conforming and participating. and my mom quite litterally taught me to.#she always used to tell me about how when she had to move around she had to make consessions like that.#or how she didnt like it either just talking with the girls or whatever. so i sorta just thought of it all as normal.#so i just tried more and more and more to press myself into a mold without ever really caring what i liked. or thought #like. i knew what i wanted. but that wasnt right. so i id just. cut off bits n peices of myself.#i remember being oh so frustrated thinking and its so odd to think of now.#because now i just am. and even when im sad im happy. its peaceful really.#really though. being able to label things. and figure out stuff about myself and psychology and everything was amazing #im really glad ive both changed so much - yet really not at all at the same time #i still like the same things i did when i was 6. im still exactly the same at my core tbh.#but im much different from who i was in my teens. to me it really feels like just accepting who i always was.#and like. letting myself be who i was and am. i am me and thats sorta that?#idk. im just philosophizing myself yet again. but i also really enoys doing that XD

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cosmiccyndaquil · 14 days ago

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hey does. does it count as a real coming out if you technically had the choice to do it but the choice was between coming out or having people think things about you that 1 werent true and 2 would harm you. what even would that be

the only reason im open about it today is because after that happened i was just too exhausted to care and let the information go public and now i cant do shit about it Lmao

#juniper.txt #i dont like how i “told” people i was objectum #it kinda. got forced out of me when i didnt want it to #if you count that as being forced anyways idk what you think #on the one hand i technically had a choice and if i genuinely cared that much about not coming out yet i shouldve just taken the accusation #on the other that wasnt really..

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mbat · 2 months ago

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something thats sadly a part of most things is that if you seek out knowing *everything* about that thing, youre bound to run out of new things to learn, and often it happens pretty quickly depending on a few things

and thats not an inherently bad thing, itd be nearly impossible for something to come out, or even only have been out for a few years, and have a ton of things about it hidden or even just not what most people would know about. plus, these things arent exactly made in mind with 'we need to cater especially to the people who will obsess over every nook and cranny'

i mean, ive tried to get into things before and realized that i learned basically everything about them within a week or two, and the momentum i had straight up stopped in minutes (for better or for worse)

all this to say, its actually such a relief to find something that really is just neverending when it comes to learning about it. like, i swear everything in world of warcraft is just a rabbit hole and i could probably play the wikipedia game just on the wowpedia alone and have a quite a few target articles

and like, it helps that the franchise is turning 30 in exactly 2 months and 1 day as of when im writing this. thats 3 whole decades of several games and comics and books and etc. and one of the games is literally a fucking MMORPG which has been constantly worked on for twenty years

like. every time i go to a wiki page, i find like 20 wiki pages i didnt have any idea existed at all. i watch videos of people talking about easter eggs or just fun small details, or even not-so-small details, and i just learn new things every time, and i even often get to go see those things for myself in game if i so please

and almost everything in the game has some sort of backstory to it, or lore relevance somehow, and like... the information just never ends. its just not something where you go to the official website and read some character bio pages and youve learned basically everything there is to know about it. theres more characters than you can even comprehend in this game

anyway, as one of those guys to likes to learn practically everything about something when i really like it, its just a breath of fresh air

#my post #world of warcraft #i kept referencing something in this post and that something. was overwatch #dont look at me like that #it was YEARS and years ago that i got very briefly into overwatch for a few weeks but like i said. i learned basically everything #within a very short time. and then i was like. oh ok i guess. bye #i think it didnt help that i didnt care much for the gameplay. i just liked the characters lol #im also just like. thinking of minecraft though i didnt really reference that here #obviously i adore minecraft but theres only so much to it despite it being 15 years old. cause the updates arent exactly the most packed #theres definitely things about it that i dont know. like. ill never know redstone for example. but idk yknow #plus its kinda hard to have too many easter eggs in a game thats almost entirely randomly generated i think #im not even fixated on world of warcraft. like i never have been either. this is like how i am about wof #surprisingly similar acronyms lol. like its something i love so much but i just never fixated #but my love for it is basically pretty consistent as opposed to fixations where i obsess deeply for a few months and then fall off

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