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Last Christmas Advent: Days 6-15

Guess who kept forgetting to post! Sixth Christmas: Matt Cornett, from [deep breath] High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: The Christmas Special: The Sequel: The Lunchbox. Okay those last two were jokes. I actually can’t STAND this show. I wanted to like it, but it’s like if someone made Glee but it was The Office but there was no explanation for why the documentary crew was spying on…

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Last Christmas Advent: Days 1-5

By now, some of you may be familiar with “Whamageddon.” It’s a “game” where the idea is to avoid hearing Wham’s “Last Christmas” for as long as possible during the holiday season. Personally I think the idea is kind of stupid other than for people who make a game of trying to trick their friends/families into hearing it first, like changing the ID information for their songs in itunes or…

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"True Nightmares" (2015-2016)

It’s not often I review horror tv shows on here. Actually, I never have. Unless “Rose Red” counts, but that was a miniseries. And I’ve mentioned other horror miniseries to disparage movies I was reviewing. Anyway, I just stumbled across this show and WOW. Imdb’s description is this “True crime stories morph into urban legends that haunt our childhoods. Investigation Discovery’s TRUE NIGHTMARES…

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"The Turning" (2020)

Easily the worst adaptation of Henry James’ “The Turning of the Screw” to come out in 2020. A school teacher gets a job to be a live-in governess for an orphan whose last governess just died. Anyway, the new governess, Kate, arrives. The manor is big and beautiful, but her charge – Flora – is super into creepy dolls, including a weird gruesome display in the greenhouse. Kate has to stay in…

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"Night at the Eagle Inn" (2021)

You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave! *guitar solo* Okay true story, it wasn’t until I had settled on that quote that I was suddenly struck with the thought “wait, is this movie actually inspired by Hotel California?” We start with fraternal twins Spencer and Sarah. Sarah is having a nightmare about a man running through a corridor in a hotel, trying each door only to…

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"Damien: The Omen II" (1978)

Starting one week after the finale of the first Omen, the guy from that movie that I didn’t mention once in my review meets up with some archaeologist. Damien has been put into the custody of his “father’s” brother’s family, even though the ending of the film implied the president would be taking him in. The guy has a whole chest full of evidence of Damien being the antichrist, and a letter…

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"The Omen" (1976)

I swear this timing was a coincidence I always feel kind of stupid reviewing older things. It’s not some obscure indie horror flick. It’s a horror classic from Fox. You’ve probably heard of it. What can I say? Okay if you haven’t heard of it or need a refresher: At 6 am on June 6 in an unspecified year, a US diplomat’s son is born and dies. A representative at the hospital mentions that a woman…

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"The Autopsy of Jane Doe" (2016)

“A father and son, both coroners, are pulled into a complex mystery while attempting to identify the cause of death of a young woman who was apparently harboring dark secrets.” Tired of watching horror movies that are LAME I stumbled upon a list of recommendations from a source I trust – Stephen King. So, yep. Our film opens with a crime scene investigation. There was a bloody murder, but…

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"Face Your Fears - Thriller Shorts for Adults" (2020)

fly out of a window, fly off a building An anthology film featuring four films that I assume are all award-winning because I have never once seen a horror short that hasn’t won like 50 awards. I find the shorts appear in order of quality from best to least good. Since I liked this overall and it’s free to watch, I’m not spoiling all the stories for you. It’s like a 66 minute watch, too. Easy…

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"The Silent Scream" (1979)

UGH I hated this movie. Do you like slasher films where nothing happens for the first 30 minutes and even the supposedly creepy people aren’t even creepy in those 30 minutes? THEN THIS IS THE MOVIE FOR YOU. Scotty registered at college too late to get on-campus housing. She goes to a bunch of approved off-campus houses, but gets rejected for various reasons – mostly that she’s dressed like…

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"The Exorcist: Believer" (2023)

and then I saw her face The latest sequel in the long-running Exorcist franchise, this film is a mess. I saw the original Exorcist when I was like 14 and couldn’t sleep afterwards, and have seen none of the other movies or the tv show. Luckily you don’t really need to have seen anything else! Two girls, Angela and Katherine, pull the “tell your parents you’re at someone else’s house” stunt so…

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"The Lost Footage of Leah Sullivan" (2018)

Tony Lazuto?! “An unedited memory card from a camera shows Leah Sullivan’s school project about a cold case murder that doesn’t seem to be so cold after all.” A completely unexplained person found Leah Sullivan’s camera and shares with us her unedited footage. Leah decided to make a documentary about an absolutely brutal slaughter of a family in her hometown about 25 years ago, for a project. I…

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"Woman in the Chair" (2022)

She’s just sitting there… menacingly! “A man finds a ghost sitting in a chair that never moves, and opens up a ghost tourism business for the wealthy. But terrifying occurrences haunt the observers as they uncover the mystery behind the woman in the chair.” This movie made me sleepy, which is always what you want to hear about a horror movie. So, our protagonist, who is from Ontario as you can…

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"They Talk" (2021)

??? Also known as “They Talk to Me”, the longer than usual imdb summary says this “Alex, a sound engineer, accidentally records mysterious voices: disturbing messages from the afterlife who warn him against an imminent and terrifying danger. Amanda, with whom he shares a terrible secret, re-emerges from his past. The appearance of the young woman triggers chilling paranormal phenomena that leave…

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"A Town Full of Ghosts" (2022)

Hope you like nostrils! “A couple moves into a forgotten ghost town with big plans to restore it, but soon discovers the town has an evil secret.” Another entry from Isaac Rodriguez of No Sleep films, and the first one I really didn’t like. So of course it’s the one with the most praise on imdb. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy! Mark and Jenna have sold everything and invested all their…

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"Emelie" (2016)

Shocking: area woman agrees with imdb user ratings “A couple’s replacement babysitter turns out to be more than they bargained for when she subjects their kids to a series of twisted activities.” A couple are having an anniversary dinner. Their normal babysitter has been unreliable since she got her braces off (actual reason), so the mom hired a friend of the usual babysitter: Anna. We see…

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"Fingerprints" (2006)

What a SHOCKING turn of events! “Fresh out of rehab, a young woman moves back in with her parents and sister, and soon becomes involved in a mystery that has left people in her town paralyzed.” Okay I TRIED to recap this movie but I just got so confused, I’d be at the climax and realize I forgot to talk about this important scene, I’d write more, realize I forgot another scene… yikes. So no…