#and i'm rambling all over the place

[winterrbluess]

Guysss the lore gets thicker and thicker!!! Sukuna being Wasuke's twin makes so much more sense and hits in the guts even more!!

Wasuke showed what Sukuna could've been if he was not treated as a curse and hated just for existing..It's interesting how they never coexisted together either one being eaten in the womb or in the modern era Wasuke dying just hours before Sukuna was reincarnated...and even being catalyst to the chain of events. The fact that in jjk being a twin means being incomplete in your jujutsu abilities since they're treated as one (like Maki and Mai) but these two never came together yet they somehow kept missing something..one got to live all powerful and feared by all yet had no love in his life and the other lived a normal life which it was filled with love and happiness eventually but succumbed to a deathly disease...

Also Sukuna knows everything about Wasuke from Yuji's memories which adds even more to their bond, he had felt the warmth and love of 'Yuji's grandfather'...he knows Wasuke's last words 'to be surrounded by loved ones when you die' and how beautiful is it that the most feared man curse who had noone for 1000 years died in the hands of a loved one. It was Wasuke's nurturing that shaped Yuji into the person he was who went ahead and tried to see Sukuna as someone more than just a calamity and a curse... It's also beautiful how both Wasuke and Sukuna thought they were dying alone but Yuji was with both of them...they both died with a loved one by their side..🥹🥹 being the grumpy old men they were...

This panel hits so muchhhh harder now!!

[dootznbootz]

Me, trying to unlearn shame and stop being a perfectionist:

[buggachat]

To be clear, I goddamn hated the finale on first watch. I was withering in my seat. My heart had dropped to my stomach. I had no fucking idea what I was watching in that final scene lmao

and then Adrien said "when Ladybug gave me the rings—" and I was like— wait. LADYBUG? LADYBUG STILL EXISTS?

I THOUGHT THE ENTIRE TIMELINE HAD BEEN REWRITTEN 😭😭😭😭 I THOUGHT LADYBUG AND CHATN OIR DIDNT UFCKING EXIST uNTIL ADRIEN SAID THAT I WAS SO SO SO SCARED

and then I realized, oh wait. This isn't a complete utopian timeline rewrite. This is just a timeskip of a few months and Mme Bustier is just a kickass mayor. In fact, she's only mayor BECAUSE it's still the same timeline. And then I realized, hey, wait, if they didn't rewrite the timeline, then how tf is Emilie casually there with no questions?

And then I realized she was wearing black. And Félix was there. And I remembered Amelie exists.

Basically, I went into the finale chanting to myself "it's okay, it's okay... they probably wont bring Emilie back... they probably won't rewrite the entire timeline permanently.... right? please....", even though I didn't actually expect it to happen, but just because I was terrified that it could. And apparently that fear actually got to me so much that I misinterpreted the episode as being everything I didn't want it to be... when... it actually wasn't that at all

anyway, all of this is to say, everything in the episode happens so fast that it confused and terrified me at first. And when I realized what had happened, my opinion went from "my year is ruined" to "oh. well. okay. kind of disappointing, I guess". And then I kept thinking about it, and the ending, and all that is set up and rewatching the scenes and all the loose ends still in place and.... i realized I loved it?

like, every time I think about this finale, I love it more. every time i rewatch a scene, I get a little obsessed. this episode went from my nightmare to actually really really cool to me, and I'm still kind of reeling from it

Basically, this is why I've been kind of passionately defending the finale— not because I think people who don't like it are """dumb""" or anything, I don't blame people at all for that, and I totally get the confusion. I was confused too. And I know I'm not the only one who went in preparing themselves for the worst, or went in with very specific expectation on what will happen, because this finale has been long awaited for so long. I think everyone was shocked with how it ended. I think most people probably startled at Amelie's face (it's so easy to forget she exists....)

Anyways, I started this post basically as an apology for if I seem too aggressive or defensive about the finale. Because I get it! I get hating it! I get being disappointed or frustrated or confused! Part of why I'm so defensive is because I have all the arguments so ready on the tip of my tongue because I had the very same argument with myself already 😭 So I'm sorry if any of my posts came off as too aggressive and in advance for any future posts that might. I promise promise promise I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for having bad opinions on the finale! I just think this episode is really cool and the fact I related to a lot of the nay-sayers makes it easy to feel so impassioned about it.

But this post is getting off the rails and I'm just gonna let it, because some of my regrets w my participation in fandom is that I find myself chickening out of actually talking about my thoughts on episodes a lot. I get kind of overwhelmed and overthink everything after I've posted it and I'm a shy person. But my inbox is closed and this is the season 5 finale and I want to ramble and ramble so I will allow myself this

Basically, I went in with some very specific expectations for this episode. We all know about the Hawkmoth defeat story. Many of us have read it in fics over and over again, it was teased in Chat Blanc, we all know what we expect, we all know our favorite beats from it.

And what actually happened....... met virtually none of those beats. (For me, at least).

Like, Adrien wasn't there for the final episode. At all. He was completely absent from the confrontation. He never found out his father was Hawkmoth. He got his rings, but he never found out he was a sentimonster. He is living in the dark.

Ladybug confronted Monarch... alone. Which is sad, when so much of the series is dedicated to the partnership of her and Chat Noir. Them against the world....... and Monarch was "defeated" with nary a Chat Noir in sight.

The whole entire "Gabriel is known as a hero" thing. I don't think anybody was expecting that. Absolutely shocking.

The fact Marinette would lie to Adrien like that. The fact she's keeping so much from him. The fact everyone is. SO MANY people in Adrien's life (Marinette, Plagg, Nathalie, Felix, Amelie, Kagami, probably Alya, maybe more I'm not thinking of....) are just... lying to him, now. He is so in the dark. He knows nothing.

But.........

I kind of like that I didn't predict nearly any of this. I like that it caught me off guard. I love how this show just completely baffles me at every turn, how it will present concepts and ideas to me that I've never read a fic about.

In retrospect, Chat Noir being absent from the final battle... makes sense. It actually makes a lot of sense, if I think about it, because... there is only one possible way that could've gone, right? Chat Noir would not be allowed to have the emotional implosion that he would have to have. This is devastating. This is SO devastating. This is the entire shattering of Adrien's entire world we're talking about, and Chat Blanc is the only real way for that to end. Adrien has an emotional implosion in front of Monarch, he gets akumatized, it turns into an emotion explosion, extinction event. The end. We've already seen it.

And........ even if it didn't end that way, even if he managed to avoid akumatization...... how could the finale satisfyingly end on that note? How could it end in any semblance of a "wrapped up" way, at the very start of Adrien's emotional breakdown? It couldn't. I wouldn't WANT it to. In retrospect, Adrien finding out his dad is Monarch and then.... what? The season ends on a close-up of him crying? The season ends with a time-skip to the new school year where they skipped his entire grieving period!? I would HATE that, actually. I would hate that. I thought I wanted it, but I would hate it. I would hate it so so so much.

What's kind of amazing is that the finale ended with Monarch being defeated.... but Adrien still has those realizations to make. He still has those betrayals to come to terms with. There is time for him to make these realizations, for him to come to these conclusions, perhaps one at a time, perhaps in a more controlled environment.... and that gets me far, far more excited for the seasons to come than an episode that tried to wrap it all up in the last 5 minutes.

Also, the reason Adrien didn't go to the final battle was because he feared becoming Chat Blanc. He didn't know the truth to it, didn't understand that literally, yes, that's what would have happened if he was there, even if he hadn't been under a nightmare curse. But he still knew. He still expected it. He willingly chose to sit it out, no matter how much he hated it, because he knew. And there's something kind of powerful to that, I think, of Adrien making a choice that is so unequivocally the Correct choice, even more than he realized. And the strength it took for him to make that decision...... damn.

As for the lies and the Gabriel statue? I... it's upsetting, but it's supposed to be. And I believe it. I absolutely believe it. I 10000% believe Marinette would keep the secret of Monarch's identity to herself to try to save Adrien the pain. I 10000% believe that the population could easily be led to believe a famous billionaire is a hero. I 10000% believe that Adrien would WANT to believe it. I 10000% believe Tomoe would take advantage of it.

And I can't wait to see that illusion crumble.

Also.... this is the beginning of The Lila arc.

And the Lila arc begins on........ Marinette telling the biggest, boldest face lie she ever told. The Lila arc begins on the most extreme city-wide illusion we've ever seen. It begins on such a huge fabrication and....

..... it's Marinette's lie.

............ and Lila knows that it's a lie.

I'm

!!?!?!?!

This is so fucking cool???? The irony here??? the deceit???? All these loose ends, all the possible confrontations, all the ways this could GO. I don't know where the show is taking this, obviously, because nobody ever can predict where this show is going apparently (and I love it for that), but oh my god. I'm imagining all the fics I could read about this. all the fics I could write. all the thoughts and scenarios that this finale has provided me with to daydream about as I go to sleep.

Adrien, going through the motions of life. Looking up to his father as a hero, despite the fact the last time he saw him, Adrien was sobbing, in tears, and cursing his name. Adrien, after all the abuse he was subject to, having to look up at a statue of his father and...... be forced to think that maybe he was wrong about his father. But he's not wrong. He WASN'T wrong. He just THINKS that he is. His father is going to continue to loom over his life in ways I never expected post-hawkmoth. Adrien's relationship with Gabriel has not ended, a new and terrifying and horrible new chapter of it has simply begun, and Adrien is still as manipulated by his father's ghost as he was by his father himself.

THAT'S. WILD!!!

also, Adrien now believes that MONARCH MURDERED HIS FATHER. Chat Noir now believes that his greatest nemesis KILLED HIS FATHER. CHAT NOIR, resident self-sacrificer, believes that HIS FATHER was a HERO who DIED FIGHTING MONARCH. Adrien thinks that maybe he should be more like his father— more like his father who died in battle. This is. Not Good. For Adrien.

And it's Marinette that started this. Well intentioned Marinette, who doesn't really understand the extent of the horrors. Marinette, Adrien's girlfriend, the person he trusts most. She did this.

And, I mean.... god. I totally get how this sucks for a lot of people, because it's objectively upsetting.... but I LOVE lovesquare tension. Season 4 is probably my favorite season for that reason alone (still mulling over if season 5 beat it for me). I love the relationship drama, I love that it's in character drama, I love how it fits everything we know about them sososo well, I love that it's horrible and it's terrible and it's awful and it's all because Marinette loved Adrien too much to want to hurt him.

I was worried no reveal would mean that season 6 would just be... what? adrienette fluff? not that I don't love that, but where's the drama? well. there it is. that's the drama.

I need to stop typing this. I know this is abysmally long and ranty and if you read all of this then I'm sorry. But I wanted to get some of my thoughts out.

But basically, I was expecting a lot of things for the finale.

In my best case scenario, it would somehow, miraculously tie up and address all the loose ends with Adrien's angst and character arc in two episodes.... and then end with me totally satisfied, ready to only half-heartedly watch season 6 like it was just a small dessert after the main course.

And I already described my worst case scenario (my first impression of the episode lmao)

But it wasn't that. I was expecting a series finale, but I got a season finale. And I love season finales. I love how they keep me wanting more. I love how excited I am for season 6, because in both my best and worst case scenarios, I honestly didn't expect to be. I love all the new ideas and thoughts and scenarios swirling around in my brain. And even if season 6 doesn't address some of the things I want addressed, I'm so excited to see the creative content in this fandom that DOES

[lazylittledragon]

i keep trying to think of funny/poetic ways to talk about all the things i'm feeling right now but i honestly can't so. i'm really sad about what happened with my partner. i know he was an inconsiderate prick about it and that i didn't do anything wrong and i couldn't have prevented it but i'm just really fucking sad.

[autumnwhistles]

(note: this is purely from a character perspective, not a comment on CCs.)

grian and scar have now both been in opposite positions to the original 'cactus ring', and it's so interesting to compare their attitudes to sacrifice on both ends. whether or not scar threw the fight in the cactus ring, he did offer for grian to kill him before it began. grian declined this, but was clearly fighting with the intention to win during the fight itself – he's giving scar a chance, but not sacrificing.

in secret life, scar's on the other end of things. he's fighting another winner – who herself has been sacrificed for previously – and, like grian, is going into what he assumes to be a fair fight... but which is in his favour due to the others' willingness to sacrifice themselves for him. this is a common pattern for winners: in whichever order, they take the win once, and are once willing to sacrifice themselves to let another take it.

cut to wild life.

this time, it's grian in the final two once more, yet again against an – albeit more distant – ally. he's got a win under his belt already, so you might expect him to do what pearl did, what scott did, right? sacrifice their chance at glory to let another taste it for the first time.

and yet:

"I'm going to have to kill Joel"

"Can I win this? I worked so hard on this series, I'd love to win it!"

because here's an important thing about life series!grian: though he's willing to even the playing field, he's not willing to sacrifice – not when it matters. pledge your loyalty to right a wrong, yes; give lives to gain allies hours, yes; refuse others' sacrifices to fight on fair terms, yes. but in the end, no matter how much he wants to stick with friends, no matter how bad he feels about it, no matter how may "i'm so sorry"s he gives – he will put his own life first, in the end.

there's a reason he's the reason for so many of his allies' deaths, after all. and in its contrast, the wild life finale showcases this beautifully.

(and for the record, i don't see anything wrong with this from an out-of-univere perspective – it's been 5 seasons and 3.5 years since Grian's last win, and even if it hadn't been, it's the CCs place to judge fairness, not ours.)

[inchidentally]

I think there's something so poetic in the fact that, before being in F1, Oscar was a Lando fan (as we all saw on twitter) and we know (through his mom) that he thought being Lando's teammate in his 1st year would be the best thing for him since no one would expect him to beat someone so good and now, our little Osc will officially be Lando's longest teammate to date 💜

I just think that is beautiful and warms my heart, and I like to think fanboy Oscar is a little crazy about this as well.

anonnnnn I had no idea it would literally be this very weekend for that milestone ;__;

side note you reminded me I didn't add to the Oscar pre-F1 Lando fanboy compilation about him telling Nicole he would feel a lot less pressure being Lando's teammate bc "everyone knows how good he is"

and like, that moment made me think of when she saw his heartrate going through the roof on his monitor after she had the bicycle accent and how he doesn't express his love and affection in conventional ways, he shows it in private intimate ways that you have to get to know him and learn.

which leads on to him dreading replacing the beloved, Aussie icon Daniel and...

both of Lando's previous teammates being these PR slick gregarious outgoing extroverted types and not only was Oscar knowing his introduction to F1 was off the back of the Alpine drama he was also going to be replacing Daniel/a lineage of big beloved personalities as Lando's teammates and like ?? for someone who is lowkey and values his privacy and doesn't relish the spotlight that's just the w o r s t. Lola @twinkodium had followed Oscar before F1 and describes how awful it was to go through as an Oscar fan <3

and then when we all started exploring the Prema videos and realizing oh! actually Oscar's super sassy and sarcastic and even pretty mouthy with his teammates - and sure he dreaded PR filming days then too but he was SO different to that early McLaren content (and even current content tbh). and Lando was already being put in this "so you're the older mentor now" which was not comfortable and it took him some time to figure Oscar out and trust and like him! the development of his relationship with Oscar has been so rewarding in how gently and gradually it's happened ?? some ppl still want the PR bromance content but I feel like the whole charm of landoscar is that they both rejected developing a PR aspect of their relationship from the start and everything we see of them is authentic. sometimes they're feeling the challenge or interview and they're giggling and happy and funny. other times they're not feeling it so they give each other these teasing looks and just get through it. other times they're absolutely not feeling it and oh.

!!!

what's wild to me is that Lando has finally decided that he's not going to perform just because everyone expects him to be cute and bubbly and full of jokes all the time !! and he said that he's learned from Oscar “keeping calm and being yourself, it’s good to be reminded of that. I think he's been very, very good at dealing with pressure, better than I feel like I remember I was when I started." I often see ppl complaining that Lando is "serious" and "not as happy" just because he's a)grown up from a teenager to a seasoned professional adult and b)they've chosen to never see those other sides of him even when he's exhibited them all along - they were just never something he showed very often (considering people only seemed to react to him being fun and lighthearted, no wonder).

but alongside him figuring Oscar out that first year he started realizing oh, this guy has serious respect for me and doesn't expect anything of me. and I can ask for things and demand certain things and not be "on" or happy all the time and THAT is how Oscar shows he cares about me! he's not only showing me deference and respect, he also smiles fondly at every weird little shade of me I let out! (this picture will always be to me the 'oh! that's who you are! there you are!' moment bc godddd the complexity in his eyes and in his expression that seems to freeze time in the celebrations and he focuses solely on Oscar jesussssss)

so in getting a much more authentic, subtle insight into a teammate dynamic between Lando and Oscar, there also feels like a much more authentic and subtle insight into Lando as a person. the more serious, sometimes broody, quiet, shy and anxious sides of Lando stopped only happening on late night streams with Max and maybe the occasional post race where he couldn't switch it on for cameras, all started showing up at all of his media and PR that season - and he's stayed ever since.

bc for guys like Daniel and Carlos, learning PR is about controlling PR and the invasiveness that being in the spotlight brings. it's sort of a disarming attack being the best sort of defense method. which is fine for people who have the energy and won't be sapped by having to keep that up almost non-stop. or like Carlos have a family support system who will get ahead of things as much as possible (and even there, they still can't predict everything they media will do). but Lando has never been capable of that! he was a shy, self-confessedly pretty reclusive guy before Carlos and F1. he hits energy dips hard. he's incapable of lying (or lying convincingly) even to save his own skin. so he borrows those guys' energy when they're together (this includes George and Alex too) to cope and still does to this day.

but !! all of his own natural qualities generate the wildest extremes of PR adoration and persecution for him. being unable to lie and not having a skill for PR filter has created some of his highest and lowest experiences with fans and the media.

and side note it's super uncomfortable to see people literally complain about him showing more complexity and maturity alongside his usual fun, bubbly side and to have those same fans - who claim to know and adore him - totally bypass that he's a mental health advocate and say that he's not "himself" or his "old self" because he's not performing enough and daring to grow and develop each year and not restricting his on camera presence solely to fun and jokes and laughter. almost as uncomfortable as said people advocating for Lando's mental health and anti-bullying and then going on hate campaigns and flooding comment sections of major media accts absolutely trashing Oscar, trying to start rumors about Oscar's family and cultivating insane theories to twist Lando smiling, laughing and being relaxed with Oscar as suffering and hating and barely coping with having Oscar as a teammate. (and the delusions that Lando wouldn't clash with Carlos or Daniel if they were his teammate now that McLaren is at the front of the pack ????? is utterly utterly insane slfgsajlfgsalfgsafgsal. a shiver passes over me when ppl wish for that bc considering those awful carland0 'breakup' gifs from like 2021? imagine the horror of then watching it slowly die in front of our very eyes. like. the total failure to see the reality of these drivers' real personalities and on track dynamics bc of rpf is insane. I'm literally casually expecting Lando and Oscar to have battles and hugely awkward moments next season even tho it's been shockingly civil and mature this season. bc that's how drivers are in those situations! and oops it's actually rly good that Lando and Oscar incorporated that professional boundary as they've developed their relationship - bc off track besties suddenly battling each other for championship wins? have we learned nothing of how awful that is no matter how much the besties say it won't be ??)

and like, this is probably why I went from starting this blog just to follow fun F1 memes and the popular rpf ships to actually starting to use it bc of landoscar. the Silverstone hug was such a satisfying 'oh!' turning point that's even more gratifying and complex the longer they're teammates. and not in an rpf way! I go stupid and write fic etc but truly most of the things I think we love about this ship aren't crossing over into fantasy land or pretending they're eeeeeeveryting to each other or pretending that they loooove each other more than their girlfriends/girlfriend or that they're "better friends" with each other than other friends etc etc. even the fan fiction is so damn good bc the majority is based on the subtle dynamics we've witnessed between them rather than just projecting fantasy onto them. I mean we all love having ships where the guys are playing into it and share tons of content with us to play with sure. but we also know there's a blurred boundary between PR and reality that we'll never rly see for sure. whereas Lando and Oscar's relationship is a layered thing with no PR gloss to it that can just be plopped into a fic concept and see where they end up, yknow? it always ends up compelling.

and then Oscar having preferred to run the most painful gauntlet just to sign with McLaren, then his further commitment and loyalty showing itself at the first opportunity, Lando recommitting to McLaren and including Oscar in that, Lando calling them the strongest partnership on the grid, them both today saying how they both set aside ego and achieve balance through teamwork.

that is the kind of stuff that is unique and has a genuine future and strength to it. it's exhausting and often painful to watch two guys who got super chummy and friendly first and then deal with both wanting to be the winner at absolutely everything only to realize - as so many do - that it's messy and uncomfortable as hell. for instance I learned early on that it always shakes out fine with Charles and Carlos, but the fireworks that make their dynamic so exciting and fun is also why the battles are so intense and explosive. they were made so thoroughly perfectly for each other as friends but therefore in so many ways the opposite as teammates. I'm gutted at losing all the content after this season but I'm fascinated to see over the coming years how things will settle bc that pressure will finally be off.

but we're watching that whole thing consciously being done in reverse with Lando and Oscar and, considering the challenges they've faced, the professional and personal dynamic and relationship they've cultivated together (esp with the open door policy between their garages) is fucking working so far. the fans are screaming and losing their shit while those two are calmly shaking hands, shaking the whole thing off when it's done and already caught beaming and smiling at each other before they notice the camera is on for the post race. Lando is the guy who speaks with words, Oscar with actions. Lando wears his emotions on his sleeve and hates being disingenuous, Oscar would rather let the media and public get him wrong than expose himself too much. Lando has a whole life and separate company, Oscar has a whole life with Lily. they never made their off track time available to fans and don't have to feel pressure to perform there either. even Monza, they were bonded in misery and traveled home together and showed up for press the next race with the same objectives.

tee el dee are, I feel like this milestone says a lot about the potential for them as teammates - and quite frankly if the rest of us have to block out the swarms of fans who can't follow the example of maturity and reason set by Lando and Oscar - and we end up with a small but sane space then I'm all for that !

[vivsicx]

Happy Birthday Ayn! (★ᴗ★)

I can’t stop thinking about his cn bday sr help

[mad-c1oud]

thinking about the Charlie's birthday stream. not the ending, no, we think about that too much. no I think about everything else:

the happiness, the joy, the warmth of it all for nearly two full hours

the lack of mob spawns that night because it’s Charlie's birthday and he has eggs with him. how intentional it is. how funny it is and how sad it makes me because its so considerate

thinking about Tallulah by Charlie's side the whole time, diligently leading him from item to item as his little "guardian angel". Charlie trying to be a good tio and falling a little short sometimes, accidentally leaving Tallulah behind when she crashes but still trying cause that’s his sobrina. how she has to actually hit him to get his attention and how bad she must feel but it's so fucking funny each time

(how can anyone blame him when he never gets to hang out with the eggs enough to know he should wait for her? Charlie had Juanaflippa for what- 10 days? and was practically shunned by several others and himself from interacting with other eggs after his action, which is understandable, but only for so long. can they not see how he plays with the eggs? hear how soft his voice gets around them? don't the other islanders understand?)

this is maybe the longest he's gotten to hang out with tallulah since he got his backpack. Wilbur is his best friend and this was the egg he left behind. He's still learning and Tallulah still loves him despite it. Two people missing someone dearly, yet they have each other even if it's hard to realize

thinking about "Maybe Tallulah, you were the gift. I think you're the gift, Tallulah."

thinking about Richas, his nephew because Charlie has Mike, an actual brother that is equally excited to see him time and time again. A nephew coming around with the slime head and slime balls, like a mini Charlie, who is decked out in a full ghillie suit. Charlie who plays with the egg, pretending to be a spooky monster and richas playing along and getting scared

thinking about Charlie not knowing how to use the ghillie suit properly so he's still clearly visible to the eggs, yet they act like he isn't for his sake. shepherding him around from place to place because charlie is a little clueless yeah (he's in exile, go easy on him), but they are patient and happy to "tag along" and let him lead

thinking about them all taking a picture with him in the school, charlie wanting one with both of them, something to remember the day by.

thinking about how charlie is clearly loved by the eggs, his huevos, and how he clearly loves them back and is trying to be better for them even if he struggles so much

thinking about Charlie Slimecicle on his birthday, for once happy after everything he's been through, Tallulah and Richarlyson by his side

just him, his sobrina, and his nephew on a little scavenger hunt under the stars while the rest of the server remains quiet and calm. asleep while they remain lively

just them

happy

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

pray for me please

[reimeichan]

I guess that when I first achieved the full fusioning, I had.... thought? hoped? that things would be smoother sailing, just a little bit. And I guess in many ways it has been smoother sailing. I'm not having multi-week shutdowns, I'm able to still move forward day after day, the bad days aren't as bad and I'm still able to do things I enjoy, etc. etc. But that doesn't make the bad days feel not shitty, if you get what I mean? And because I'm less dissociated in general I'm able to feel and experience a lot more of my emotions, so those really unpleasant emotions just feel more for me now. But I also know that even if it feels awful, I'm not being as self-destructive in how I handle my emotions now.

But I guess what I'm trying to say is, healing isn't a one and done thing. I have bad days, I still sometimes fall back on maladaptive habits, my trauma triggers still hit me in the face like an isekai truck sometimes. A big part of my healing has been being okay with things not always being okay, which honestly feels kind of mind-twisty to get around, and it's really helped give me a lot of peace to just moce forward instead of being held back by shame and self-blame that I should be "doing better" or something. I'm not always doing better, and that's fine. That means I should take it easier and be kinder to myself.

[merlins-strawberriesandroses]

TO be honest. I don’t understand what it means when people say Merlin was Arthur’s bane. Mayhaps I misunderstand but. Arthur was a bit of an assassination magnet (not to mention all those magical creatures and bandits... so many bandits), and Merlin actively prevented Arthur's death for years, which would have occured without him anway in the very first episode. I can see why one might argue that Merlin was just delaying the inevitable, or that he didn't succeed in keeping Arthur safe until Arthur could enact the golden age, but certainly I don’t see how he could have been Arthur’s bane.

Also, it’s implied in the last episode that the golden age does occur, but under Guinevere. Which makes sense as she knew Merlin was the sorcerer and that she was pleased about it (and I recall it was confirmed in interviews), so I also don’t follow the twin train of thought that Merlin was his own bane or even Camelot’s. Camelot was already bane-d(?) under Uther. But partly because of Merlin's steady friendship, Arthur matured into a king who was kinder than his father. He also actively sought magic's aid on multiple occasions, so he knew magic had potential for good (like healing his queen) without Merlin needing to tell him about his magic.

I don't think it's fair to say Camelot's laws on magic remaining relatively static was because no one close to Arthur came out as having magic. There was still much risk in that, and for Merlin a lot at stake, not just his life. A law change was still possible (and almost seemed to be set up that way) without Arthur needing someone he was personally close to having to do the work to humanize it for him (in the sense that the episodes with the druids, the druid boy with Elyan, and the dolma seemed like they were pointing to a law change because Arthur sees the diversity of magic and those who have it).

At worst Merlin’s efforts didn’t change the status quo, but we do have things indicating that they did. And Merlin was not single-mindedly serving Arthur at the expense of everyone else. He saved Camelot as a whole multiple times. He was also very willing to stick out his neck for many others even during the height of his anxiety and agitation in season 5. (Also only being slightly silly when I say this, but he was also THE wingman for Arthur when he was getting with Gwen, so in a way Merlin’s help led to their courting being a success and thus contributed to her being in a great position to change the laws. so personally I give points to Merlin for that). Most of the decisions centering Arthur's safety seemed to stem from the fear that Albion would crumble before it began if Arthur were to die, so he tried his best to prevent that from happening in any way he knew. (Like, when Arthur is dying, Merlin asks "So I failed?" regarding the whole golden age thing, which I think is telling that the prophesy and his role in it was still VERY much at the forefront of Merlin's mind).

And this is a digression but I know people think Merlin should have done more for Camelot, or for folks with magic (like, as a revolutionary or something akin), which I understand but no one reached out to network with him really? It'd require resources, people (always confused why there weren't a whole bunch more folks offering Merlin material/intellectual/emotional support if they thought he should be the one to bring about the golden age. all he was told was that the forseen way it actually happens succesfully is through Arthur), time (I doubt it’d have been much of a ‘quicker’ way necessarily), and incredible planning + foresight if it's meant to be something that works out effectively + long-term. Okay I think I've digressed enough now. This is a whole seperate thought that I don't think I'm gonna do any justice here lol, and I'm already rambling, so I'll stop now :,)

But anyway, in terms of being his own or Arthur’s bane, we know Arthur will return, and we don’t know how Merlin spent his years. His magic can play with time and maybe he learns how to control that, or he could have entered a stasis like in various legends, etc etc etc. And I mean it is tragic on many levels, and it’s sad we didn’t see Arthur’s arc completed, and that Merlin sacrificed so much for a goal that didn't get much acknowledgment by the show at the end, but still. I don’t think Merlin was Arthur’s bane, or Camelot’s, or his own.

[transgender-chiroptera]

Can you share some of your favorite bat facts? I wanna add more to my lil arsenal of cool random facts. :]

Of course! Apologies for the late response, I saw this at like 1am four days ago, forgot everything I knew about bats, and then fell asleep and only remembered I even got this ask today. Anyways! Some bat facts :)

Common Vampire bats are some of my absolute favourites, mostly because of their ability to run on the ground! They can gallop with their forelimbs and take off from the ground by leaping into the air and catapulting themselves with their wings, which is speculated to be how Pterodactyls took off as well! Most bats cannot take off from the ground, and must be elevated to take flight, so this is pretty cool. Makes sense too, since they mostly feed from the ankles of large mammals and so need ground maneuverability!

Here's a video of a vamp taking off, and here's a video of one walking around! I think their skittery movements and lil' faces are just the CUTEST, but I know I'm probably in the minority there. Also there's a large dish of blood in the second video, so fair warning there!

All three true Vampire bats have evolved special grooves in their mouths in order to act as a gutter of sorts to funnel the blood into their mouths, but the exact arrangement differs between them. The Hairy-Legged Vampire bat has a groove along the roof of the mouth, whereas the White-Winged and Common Vampire bats have lingual grooves under the tounge! Speaking of White-Winged Vampire bats, they're the only bats in the world with 22 teeth, for some reason (likely no reason since the molars are vestigial), AND they have scent glands in their mouths that might be used to deter predators. Pretty cool stuff!

Finally, all three species of true Vampire Bats are cute as hell. Look at these lil' guys!!

(left to right- White-winged, Hairy-legged, and Common Vampire bats!)

[dootznbootz]

This is how Penelope is first PHYSICALLY introduced in the Odyssey as it's when she first speaks.

(Fagles, Book 1)

This is how the other women whom Odysseus gets with (aka assaulted by) are first physically introduced:

(Fagles, Book 10)

(Fagles, Book 5)

The two goddesses are singing during their introduction while the woman he loves says to stop, granted at the bard but I just think it's interesting. I'm definitely thinking it wasn't on purpose by Homer but I wanted to point it out.

Penelope never needs to enchant/sing to Odysseus to "lure" and/or entice him because that's where he wants to be in the first place.

[phantom-of-the-501st]

Clone OCs!!!

So I have something that might be in the works (and I say "might" not to be annoying and tease you about something that is happening but because I legitimately don't know if this thing will ever see the light of day lmao) but I had some ideas for some clone OCs while thinking about said mystery thing and decided to share them with you guys (mainly to free them from my brain)

Tagging people who may be interested: @inkstainedhandswithrings @saturn-sends-hugs @the-bi-space-ace @floundrickthewayfarer

No. 1: Io (pronounced eye-oh); He/Him

Pilot for the 212th Battalion, Io is a force to be reckoned with. Known for being somewhat reckless and a little bit of an adrenaline junkie, Io's flight techniques tend to push the boundaries of recommended protocol. A generation two clone, he acts like an older brother to the younger crew members and isn't afraid to tease them relentlessly, sometimes threatening to input a request for them to be transferred to a different battalion for being annoying.

Despite his more laid-back approach, he still respects authority, particularly his superior Commander Cody.

No. 2: Tabs; He/Him

Considered by many to be an absolute ray of sunshine, Tabs is a medic for the 212th. Despite being one of the younger members of the group, he still demonstrates and incredible level of skill, partially down to his strong sense of protectiveness over his brothers, including his batchmate, Tinker.

He may seem soft and squishy on the outside, but he has an iron will. In stressful situations, Tabs can easily snap into focus mode, taking the lead when necessary and helping others navigate difficult times. He's considered by many to be one of the more well-behaved members of the crew, but he isn't afraid to have a little fun now and again.

(And yes, the hair is bleached).

No. 3: Tinker; They/Them

Tabs' batchmate, and the younger of the two, Tinker is one the 212th's best mechanics. They tend to be a little more reckless than Tabs, but still hold the same strong level of protectiveness over their crew.

Tinker isn't afraid to get their hands dirty and will throw themselves into every situation no matter how messy. They also tend to resort to humour to defuse stressful moments, usually making themselves or their brothers the butt of the jokes. They'd follow their brothers to the ends of the Earth (so long as those ends aren't in the offices of the superiors. At that point, they're on their own).

No. 4: Dixon; He/Him

A little more stoic than some of the other clones, Dixon is more tactical in his approaches, choosing his methods carefully rather than throwing himself straight into the inferno. As an ARC and first generation clone, he acts as an older brother to the others and tries to keep them in line as best as he can (though normally with a bit of humour and leniency).

While he may not be familiar with the younger clones in the 212th, nor most of the Batch, he does know Echo, having been one of the ones to mentor him (and Fives) during ARC training. He commands a great deal of respect but knows that that comes as a response to the respect he shows for others. Dixon may be a skilled close-combat fighter, but it's his strategic skills that make him a man you don't want to mess with.

Links to picrew and other general ramblings below 👇

I had an idea for something the other day and was like "I have to right this down" but it didn't quite go the way that I was expecting. Not that I hate it (though it maybe needs some tweaking), more that the original plan was for it to be one of my usual standalone one-shot things. HOWEVER, the damn thing doesn't actually make sense by itself and is effectively the middle chapter of a fic. 🙃

THE ISSUE WITH THIS IS THAT I DIDN'T PLAN FOR THINGS TO GO EITHER SIDE OF IT!

So now whether or not I ever publish this thing will be entirely down to whether I can actually think of a plot line for the rest of it. I've had a couple of ideas here and there (including these OCs who, funnily enough, don't even get a mention in the thing I wrote lol) but in terms of becoming an actual thing? Who knows? 😀

Anyway, here's the picrew I used :)

[mollysunder]

People point out the physical differences in Sky from s1 vs act 1 of s2 as proof she's not the real Sky... but what if artists were just off?

I know some people are thinking this super expensive show wouldn't miss small details like the shape of Sky's eyebrows, but this is the same show where in the first season they had Vander way younger and beardless for the drowning scene when he definitely had a beard. And then in his final flashback they took away his beard as he tilucked the girls into bed after adopting them.

Anyway, this show is weird when it comes to consistency and we shouldn't treat the direction as infallible.

[disorganised-bagel]

Bagel, please, I must see more sillies. Would you ever possibly draw more perfectdolls? (Totally hope I do not sound insane or rude, I just love the cute little drawings you've shared so far!)

hbskjbn?? this is so incredibly nice what???? vjhkskh?????

i am definitely not an artist, but i am so beyond flattered??? huh?????

throws perfectdolls at you

the sillies :D

also here's some ocean/jane too :)

this one is technically fanart for the fic no one deserves to be alone by beepsinquestion (please go read that entire series, it's so good)

i don't really know how to draw jane, but an attempt was made :'D

thank you so much for the ask??? i'm gonna go cry now maybe???? /pos /hj

have a wonderful day :D