#and i'm probably going to drown in fanfics AGAIN after this

[venelona]

Write My Report author notes

Today is one year since I first posted my Dazatsu fic 'Write My Report' (PM Dazai x PM Atsushi, Atsushi works as Dazai's secretary), so as I edit through all 100k+ words of it, I bring you author notes - include my favourite things about the chapters, thoughts behind some moments and fun (?) facts.

!SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE FANFIC!

(fanfic quotes will be in italics, bold italics are just the words that were italics in the quote- it makes sense- i promise-)

Starting with, of course,

Chapter 1:

I think the whole premise of the fanfic was born by that one time Dazai asks Atsushi to write his report for him after Dazai returns from his mafia kidnapping. Second half of the plot with him helping Atsushi conceal his tiger ability was an excuse for them to hold hands every full moon. I thought it would be a shortcut to my beloved 'one bed' trope. And then it didn't shortcut shit because I slow burned the hell out of it

'Great - now he was alive and uncomfortably wet.'

"I… I- I can't believe I'm going to get fired because of a guy who wanted to drown himself over paperwork." - Sweet sweet irony 😌 You want Dazai to live, Atsushi? Get to paperwork then

I think the whole premise of the fanfic was born by that one time Dazai asks Atsushi to write his report for him after Dazai returns from his mafia kidnapping. Second half of the plot with him helping Atsushi conceal his tiger ability was an excuse for them to hold hands every full moon. I thought it would be a shortcut to my beloved 'one bed' trope. And then it didn't shortcut shit because I slow burned the hell out of it

'Great - now he was alive and uncomfortably wet.'

"I… I- I can't believe I'm going to get fired because of a guy who wanted to drown himself over paperwork." - Sweet sweet irony 😌 You want Dazai to live, Atsushi? Get to paperwork then

I never described Atsushi's waiter uniform but this is kind of how I imagined it looking. No I don't have explanations. Literally just 'the vision.'

I guess I never described Atsushi's secretary clothes, tho it's been referenced that he has a jacket. Its also drawn on the cover lol

'He briefly contemplated drowning himself, but he didn't want his last day to be so full of Chuuya, so he decided on another kind of drink tonight.'

Dazai mercelessly shooting the guy in the bar who saw Atsushi transform was one of the things that were supposed to back up that 'Dark Dazai' tag. And then I kinda forgot to make him do more evil things later on lol He kills more people but more off screen and I kinda fumbled that tag ngl

COOL FANART COOL FANART LOOK AT THE COOL FANART something made me hate that scene but then zinder came in and made me love it 😭💖💖💖

'"Ah, you're awake." A vaguely familiar voice called from the doorway.' They caught Atsushi trying to cross the boarder-

The section where Dazai explains Atsushi about how he's the tiger and offers the deal is the only section where one POV breaks and you can see the other, but I decided to keep it. It was written this way because I didn't plan on keeping their POVs very separate, but then they never broke again lol

"Close your mouth, Atsushi, I already saw plenty of your fangs today."

Atsushi never, for even one second, regretting helping Dazai and saying so to him every time 😭🙏

I love writing canon moments altered by whatever the premise of the fic is - in this case, PM Dazai and Atsushi. Canon parallels - Dazai blackmailing Atsushi into the job.

Never really described but Dazai's office is on the first floor in part of it where not a lot of people pass by. All executives have more proper offices but Dazai really just took a room he didn't need a lot of time to get to. That makes Atsushi's work a bit annoying because most mafia clerks work on other floors together and he alone gotta run back and forth

It probably shows but I know nothing of the ways of office paperworks

"Eh, you're doing fiiine." His employer waved from the couch. "You're doing a way better job than I ever did, Atsushi." "How?.." "You're looking at the papers." Dazai smirked. "That's more than I usually do."

Initially one big point of conflict was supposed to be that Dazai holds a very high position in the mafia, so the papers he handles is full of very valuable information. And the fact that he let Atsushi into all of that information gives Atsushi some degree of power in the mafia, but also makes him a target for others... and then this never really came up lol

I don't think this was ever outright stated but Dazai's apartment is on a very high floor - not last one, but still high up. Like, twenty or something. The whole building inhabited by mafia workers, but he's really the only big fish in it

"I can't just make something up! Besides, from the amount of complaining notes-" Atsushi pointed at the hefty pile of papers Dazai was sitting right next to. "People do read your reports." "Oh, you actually read these?" Dazai picked up a few papers from that stack. "I usually just throw them away." "It's not even all of them?!" "Oh, it's probably just from the last three days."

Dazai saying 'Chuuya probably wrote half of the complaints and that's why I am not reading them' is just an excuse. He's just too lazy to read them

Something about Chuuya being described as 'The hat man' is sending me

[Dazai and Chuuya] '"When was the last time I made a wrong decision, hm?" "I don't know, yesterday? In the morning? Five minutes ago?"'

'"Atsushi, you should visit more places." Dazai shook his head. "Do you even go anywhere on your days off?" "I don't have days off." Atsushi blinked at him. Dazai blinked back. "Really?" "You never told me I have any."' - Atsushi never even asking if he has off days for like two weeks 😭 He'd work without them too, that poor man. Dazai gave him Thursday off because that was the only day Dazai himself actually occupied his office before he hired Atsushi. Dazai was fine without an office (he'd find a place to laze around), but people were complaining that he's hard to find when someone wanted to talk to him, and so he told everyone he can be found on Thursdays. After he hired Atsushi he started spending like 50% more of his time in the office because when he wanted to laze around he was like 'might as well do it in the office, I can occupy the couch, I am not alone and people will shout at me less and even praise me for being at work)

'Atsushi shook his head again. He needed to distract himself. "So… that was Akutagawa, huh?" That was probably the worst topic he could've picked for a distraction, but anxiety hasn't let him think of any other at the moment.'

Never elaborated on but in this story other executives have a lot of people that are under their command specifically. Dazai still orders people around and gives them work and stuff, but the only person he hired himself before Atsushi was Akutagawa. So that's why Atsushi is kind of treated like a big deal by other mafia members. Also half the reason why Akutagawa was angry at his existence

Dazai telling Atsushi 'I think you and Akutagawa would work great together' was a nod to New Double Black. He was still envisioning it in his mind even though Atsushi was working as his secretary and didn't use his ability at all, but later on when he started caring for Atsushi he kind of waved that idea off because he didn't want Atsushi using his ability at all

'"Atsushi, I didn't give you a day off today so you could spend it calling me at eight in the morning."'

If you're wandering why I always juggle how I call Dazai (the brunet/the mafioso/the bandaged man) and others is because in school during language lessons one lesson that stuck to me was that you can't use the same word in two sentences in a row, or it'll sound bad. So half my writing comes from me trying to juggle the same words back and forth. h e l p

Never described but I like to imagine that Dazai got panorama windows in his living room. I never stated this because I don't think he would - something like that would up the chances of his enemies finding where he lives and Dazai wouldn't bother risking that. But... that's what my cinematic imagination wants

'"If you planned on holding hands all night, I regret to inform you that I have no habits of flirting with men."' - canon parallel + THAT WAS THE PREMISE OF THE FIC AND I BARELY DID IT 😭😭😭

'"Or you wanted to watch me sleep the whole night? I didn't think you were such a pervert, Atsushi."' - a set up for a joke in chapter 6. Yes. I thought of that stupid joke this far back.

'And, he supposed, watching Atsushi struggle with the paperwork made it a teensy bit more enjoyable to do. By which he meant it was still a nightmare and he'd rather throw himself off this very building than work on it, but still. A little bit more enjoyable.'

I got SO many comments on SO many chapters about 'when Atsushi will tell Dazai about his tragic past'. Either they missed the 'Probably had to do with that orphanage he talked about earlier, but Dazai didn't care for sob stories about the past.' line, or wanted something more- Dazai KNEW, he connected the dots, he just didn't care back then

Dazai was supposed not to care for Atsushi in these earlier stages but I kind of fumbled it and made him too caring a bit too quickly but. Whatever can you do.

[lieslab]

Main Masterlist

Finally putting this out there so everything is in one spot. All of my stories are written with a gender neutral reader unless otherwise specified. There's probably eventually going to be smaller lists created and added to this, but here's everything as of currently:

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Taglist and inbox information

Learn how to support the writer

_ _ _

Stray Kids X reader:

Falling in love with Skz [fluff]

Skz finds out you're not eating [hurt/comfort with some angst]

Skz finds you struggling with self harm [hurt/comfort with some angst]

Skz finds you battling suicide [hurt/comfort with some angst]

A flicker of hope [hurt/comfort]

Star lost [comfort/hurt]

Behind the light [comfort with some angst]

Cover me [comfort/hurt]

Comflex [comfort/hurt]

Love is a spider [comfort/hurt]

Youtiful [comfort/hurt]

Idle town [fluff]

It comes and goes in waves [comfort/hurt]

Not strong enough [comfort/hurt with fluff]

Don't let me go [fluff]

And I'll never go home again [comfort/hurt with angst]

_ _ _

Chan X reader:

Room Temperature Noodles [fluff & comfort/hurt]

Happiness is a butterfly [angst without a happy ending]

I love you, I love you, I love you [fluff & comfort/hurt]

Experience [comfort/hurt]

Teacher's pet [angst with comfort/hurt]

Daddy issues [angst with comfort/hurt]

Kill this love [angst without a happy ending]

Will you have me or watch me fall? [mafia AU]

Are you with me? [comfort/hurt]

_ _ _

Lee Know x reader:

Five, six, seven, eight [fluff with a touch of angst]

Fifty-fifty [comfort/hurt with fluff]

The art of being human [angst with comfort/hurt]

You're somebody else [angst with no happy ending]

To be alone with you [fluff]

Nothing new [comfort/hurt]

_ _ _

Changbin x reader:

A pickle for your thoughts? [fluff]

Truce? [comfort/hurt]

Swan dive [comfort/hurt]

Northern attitude [comfort/hurt]

I miss you, I'm sorry [angst with no happy ending]

Cake pops and coffee [fluff]

_ _ _

Hyunjin x reader:

Possibility [angst with no happy ending]

My muse [fluff]

Stupid bird [fluff]

To Saturn and back [angst with no happy ending]

Straight shooter [mafia AU]

The cut that always bleeds [comfort/hurt]

Oranges to orange juice [comfort/hurt with angst]

Love, dad [comfort/hurt]

_ _ _

Han x reader:

Honey bun [fluff]

Novocaine [fluff]

Enamored Remedy [fluff]

Gone away [angst with no happy ending]

Look after you [comfort/hurt]

Tetris [fluff]

I am the face of love's range [angst]

_ _ _

Felix x reader:

Sweet cheeks [fluff]

Cookie monster [fluff]

Cuddle bug [fluff]

Corroded love [angst with no happy ending]

The depths between [ Siren AU mini-series]

Devil's advocate [Mafia AU]

Why does my skin start to burn? [comfort/hurt]

_ _ _

Seungmin x reader:

Passionate kisser, unlimited trickster [fluff]

Time, love, effort, and cooties [fluff & comfort/hurt]

This is me trying [comfort/hurt]

Ice, ice, baby [fluff]

Waiting for us [comfort/hurt]

Mess is mine [comfort/hurt]

Birds of a feather [fluff]

Somewhere only we know [fluff]

_ _ _

I.N x reader:

My baby [fluff]

We'll keep this love in a photograph [right person, wrong time angst]

Duck, duck, goose [angst & comfort]

Already gone [comfort/hurt]

Drowning [comfort/hurt with angst]

All of this turbulence wasn't forecasted [comfort/hurt with angst]

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Full length fanfics on Wattpad/Ao3:

Taste | Changbin | Slow burn enemies to lovers

N0 B0DY, N0 CRIM3 | Chan | Mafia/crime AU with a slow burn forbidden romance

Forget-me-not | Seungmin | Memory loss trope with a slow-building romance

He's got the whole world in his hands | Jeongin | Priest psychological horror AU with demonic possession and some forbidden romance

[winterlogysblog]

4KOTA FANFIC

Title: Couldn't possibly know the feeling

Summary: After Lancelot's disappearance King had a small chat with Ban

Note: Very Short. I wrote this just now and it's unedited so there will be grammar mistakes.

---

It's been weeks after Lancelot's disappearance and Ban never stopped, he never gave up on his search for his son. He would drown himself in alcohol just to forget the guilt and painful ache in his chest. Elaine is growing more concerned as days go by so she asks his brother to pay them a visit. Ban and King may look like they don't get along but they do care about each other, they're all friends after all.

King accepted and once he got there Ban immediately invited him over for a drink, clearly already drunk off his ass. King sighed and took a seat next to him as Ban clumsily poured him a drink.

“I’d be careful if I were you, you might actually die from alcohol poisoning, and you can die now, you’re mortal.” King said.

“I know.” Ban grumbled.

“Elaine is extremely worried about you and we are too.” King took a sip from his drink.

Ban tsked. “Just shut up and drink.”

King sighs, “Listen, I know it's tough but you have to put some faith in Lancelot. For such a young boy he’s quite capable, besides Jericho's with him right, surely she wouldn't let anything harm him.”

“Easy for you to say.” Band growled under his breath.

“What was that?”

“I said It's easy for you to say!!!” Ban shouted, slamming his mug on the table.

“It's not like it's your kid that went missing!!!”

King's eyes widened and for a moment and a pained laugh escaped his mouth.

“You couldn't possibly know the feeling of losing your child!!! So don't come here and tell me this shit!!”

King lowered his head and taking a deep breath he stood up from his seat.

“You're right, I’m sorry Ban.”

He chuckled. “I'm supposed to comfort you as Elaine said but it seems like I did the opposite, I’ll be going back now.”

Ban noticed there's a sudden change in King's demeanour but he couldn't quite pinpoint what it is. He's too drunk and angry to care anyway.

Elaine rushed in just in time to see King leave the room.

“I heard shouting. It didn't go well, did it?”

“No.” King shook his head. “I just made him mad, sorry about that.”

“Big brother… What happened?” Elaine spoke softly as she flew closer to King.

“Why are you crying?” Elaine asked as she wiped down the tears that were falling from his eyes.

“Big Brother.” Elaine’s hands tremble as her hands go down to his shoulders. “Please... Say something, or at least let me read your heart."

Elaine took a moment and she gasped upon hearing everything.

King painfully laughed. “Looks like I can't hide this from you anymore can't I."

“Hey! Stop it!! This is no laughing matter.”

“Elaine, it's alright.” King smiled. “It's already been 10 years, there's no way I can find him now. I even accepted the worst, still I can't help but hope.”

Elaine's vision started to get blurry as tears started pooling from her eyes. “Why didn't you say anything?”

“I couldn't possibly disturb you, everyone is busy with their own lives.”

“But what about now, I asked you and everyone for help.”

“This is different.”

“How is this different?”

“The kids are much bigger now, they can handle themselves. Granted they're still children but… you know what I mean.”

With a sigh, King stepped forward. “I’ll be leaving now. If you want I can drop by again. I’ll probably bring Sixtus with me. He seems to enjoy hanging around with Ban."

Just as King left and flew away, Ban stepped outside of the room and asked. “What did you two talk about?”

Elaine turned around to meet her husband in the eyes. “Hey Ban, did you know why Harlequin changed Galehaut’s name to Mertyl?”

[soshadysoquiet]

TUA fanfic WIP: Sibling Beach Trip

I've recently devoured @assaily 's WIP posts and you know what, why hoard all of my WIPs when I may never finish them and people might enjoy them?

Having said that this isn't a snippet so much as it's a 2 thirds done fic that I've lost inspiration for the ending for so grab yourself a drink and enjoy!

Working Title: Beach No Beach. Love a working title

Length: 6k. Self control? Who is she?

Premise: Post apocalypse a family beach trip is proposed. Five has his reservations and is finding real life hard to adjust to, but he'll go if that's the Sibling Movement of the week. This is basically a slice of life fic that I'm pretty sure was going to build to Diego needing to save Five from drowning at the beach, because of course it was, but I think the rest of this has enough low-level angst and family moments to be entertaining on it's own.

Warnings: This fic discusses body dysmorphia in small detail and has underage drinking from Five.

It was embarrassing. More than embarrassing, really.

Shameful.

But Five couldn’t swim.

They’d had what constituted as ‘lessons’ when they were kids, apparently. Five had very limited memories of life before the Apocalypse, and often they seemed more surreal than anything.

‘We did?’ He asked blankly, barely looking over his morning cup of coffee to Viktor and Klaus.

‘All the time bro!’ Klaus replied breathily, laughing, eyes just a little wide in the thrill of memory, or possibly at Five not remembering something. ‘You don’t remember the pool? I’m pretty sure Dad blocked off the door after we started sneaking down there to play.’

‘I remember.’ Viktor nodded along, smile curling his lips so that his face lit up. ‘That’s how we found about Diego-‘

‘And his creepy fish power!’ Klaus looked ready to implode with hysteria and even Viktor bent to the table with a snort before looking between them.

‘You really don’t remember that?’

‘Diego isn’t a fish…’ He spoke slowly. He was talking to children after all. Or maybe he was hallucinating again. It happened. Hiding his grimace, Five took a sip.

‘Yeah! Yeah he can really hold his breath, come on you have to remember that, we teased him for weeks!’

‘Yeah that was kinda mean of us.’ Viktor grimaced a little into his own coffee. Probably for no reason, Viktor at that age wouldn’t have said Boo to a goose.

Hold his breath? It almost was a memory. Someone laughing, Diego pouting, then throwing a fit.

‘I think I’d remember us finding out about that.’

‘Maybe you blocked it out, it was pretty horrible at the time.’ The tone shifted after Viktor’s words.

‘Why doesn’t that surprise me.’

‘What doesn’t surprise you?’ Diego.

‘Speak of the devil!’ Klaus chorused, Five flinched a little at Diego’s hand falling briefly onto his shoulder as he passed. But it was barely noticeable now, he’d almost got a hang on it. ‘We were reminiscing about the time Dear old Dad decided to test out our underwater endurance.’

‘You mean when he held us all under the water until you all near passed out and I beat all your asses.’

‘Definitely would have remembered that one.’ Five murmured, covering up the chill skipping over his flesh.

‘Technically you didn’t beat my ass, since I wasn’t included in How to Drown Your Kids 101.’ Viktor replied with a darkly amused smirk and the sort of steel satisfaction that only true trauma inspired.

‘Well I’d have beaten you too.’ Diego retorted, confident as he went about fetching some ungodly looking juice concoction from the fridge.

How many different fruits went into just that, how many vegetables? The math wasn’t worth it, wasn’t worth the pang of mixed dread and desire it inspired in him.

‘And then we all called you, ah, well, never mind eh?’ Diego’s glare had silenced Klaus.

‘For the record, we’re sorry.’ Viktor offered, voice so gentle and meaning.

‘I’ve got nothing to be sorry for.’ Five retorted. He wasn’t there after all, and he was above childish name calling. He had found more creative insults.

‘Well you got off the hook easily anyway, you weren’t even there.’ Diego chimed in, but did take the time to nod to Viktor in a passing sense of camaraderie. He sat heavily at the table and looked at them all as he took a drink. ‘What brought this on anyway?’

‘We’re trying to convince little Fivey-‘

‘Older than you!’ His insistence was soundly ignored.

‘To come to the beach with us all at the weekend.’ Diego hastily swallowed the mouthful of his juice. What could all those ingredients even taste like together? Five shook his head at the sight.

‘Hell yeah you should come! You don’t get out enough.’

‘I get out plenty.’

‘To the library maybe.’ Klaus mumbled, twiddling with the buttons undone on his shirt.

‘Come on Five, it would be fun!’

‘Would it really?’ He sighed, wished he’d just blinked back up to his room with the coffee.

‘Its the beach bro.’ Diego’s voice was so deadpan that Five managed to feel insulted.

‘There isn’t even anything there! It’s all dead anyway!’ One of his hands gestured with the coffee cup for effect as he complained but the others were staring at him and, oh, right. Nervously he cleared his throat. ’I mean-‘

‘No, no what is it?’ Klaus was too gentle. They’d started doing this recently, paying attention to him rather than responding with their own drama and pushing what he said aside. Five didn’t know what to do with it. And it only took a few rapid equations to work out the cheapest way out of this situation.

‘Fine I’ll go. But don’t expect me to enjoy it.’ He blinked away. But not far.

Paranoid.

‘Alright alright.’ Five muttered quietly at Dolores’ imagined critique from where he sat in the pantry, listening.

‘Well, that was surprisingly easy, only took ten minutes.’ Klaus sounded both pleased and a little disappointed. Had he not wanted Five to come after all, or had he just wanted to do more wheedling?

‘What do you think he meant by it being dead?’ Viktor asked, voice contemplative and too damn observant.

‘I swear to God Klaus, if you making him go to the beach causes another apocalypse-‘

Diego and Klaus devolved into childish squabbles and Five blinked out of the pantry.

The beach huh. He hadn’t seen it in decades. He’d only been the once. If they’d ever done any missions by the sea as children Five certainly didn’t remember it.

It could be nice this time.

‘We can’t swim Dolores.’ In the emptiness of his room, the reminder drifted lifeless. He’d learned that one the hard way. ‘And only you can float.’

-

A weekend beach trip sounded like hell to Five but apparently he was one of the few. Yet it was interesting that the closer they got to the date the more cracks appeared in the others’ armour.

Diego would boast about his abilities, but when Luther had guffawed ‘oh my god! Fish-Boy!’ Their knife-wielding vigilante had begun to stammer on and off when they talked about the ocean. Allison had bitched at Luther down the phone for it, as had Klaus in person. Five had been listening in on parts of the phone call.

Because he liked to hear their voices, not because he was paranoid, Dolores!

But it wasn’t just Diego.

Allison had sounded hesitant, and wanted to bring Claire, but remained nervous about mixing Claire with their family. Five usually made himself scarce on the rare occasions that Allison brought Claire around. It had only been twice, but no matter how much he wanted to meet her, Five didn’t have anything to fall back on when interacting with people outside his siblings. Unless they were a threat, or it was for less than two minutes.

Three minutes fifteen had been his record, at the library where he went to practice. And after that he’d had to go hide in the bathroom stall and have a minor panic attack.

With people that mattered it was harder. Because there was only so long Five could talk to someone who mattered before he fucked it up. He’d only been able to say ‘Hi, nice to meet you’ to Claire before becoming overwhelmed by her childlike open-stare and making an excuse to run away. But he wasn’t the only reason for Allison’s hesitance.

Five thought she was worried about the crazy rubbing off.

During last month’s visit Klaus had told Claire the story of Dead Uncle Ben after she’d caught Klaus talking to what looked like thin air. Five had overheard on the phone call the week after how Claire had begun ‘talking to Dead Uncle Ben’ at school. For a custody battle situation, it was understandably a nightmare.

Diego always had knives on him, and children had sticky fingers. Claire kept trying to pull them out from Diego’s pockets and holsters and fingers. It wasn’t as if Diego encouraged or approved of it, but he had offered to teach her before he’d caught Allison’s look. And even at the beach Diego would probably be packing at least three knives. Probably more.

Luther had been fine at first, and was Claire’s favourite uncle. But then  the Holy Trinity of Stupid; hitherto named Klaus, Luther and Diego, had loudly reminisced about the all the times Luther had accidentally injured them during training when they were kids. Even Five had joined in; Luther  smacking him hard enough into the wall after a mis-timed jump and cracking his arm during combat training were ironically some of his clearer memories. Allison trusted Luther with Claire’s life, but she had looked a little green around the gills as they all laughed about it.

Viktor hadn’t done anything to directly inspire worry, but Allison had told Luther she was worried about Claire finding out what she’d done to her sibling when they were children. Five had stopped listening to the phone call once Allison started crying, feeling more than a little guilty about his eavesdropping.

So, Allison was apprehensive about Family Fun-Time at the Beach because it involved Family Fun-Time. Otherwise known as ill-facilitated chaos.

Klaus worried about taking Ben to the ocean and Ben being sad about only being able to be so-corporeal in the ocean. A guilt Five felt Klaus didn’t need to put on himself, given that without him there would be no beach for Ben. But he’d been told he had a rather unsympathetic view on things and asked to leave. It didn’t help that Ben was apparently desperate to go to the ocean and also sad about it, apparently.

Or so Five could tell from what he’d heard when he stood nearby Klaus’ room at night, or followed him at night down the street, or when he was hiding in the pantry eating fluffed-nutter sandwiches and just listening to his siblings being alive.

-

Friday lunchtime and Five thought that most of the pre-beach drama had probably run its course, that said nothing for what would blow up when they were actually there in typical Hargreeves-style. And he counted the journey to and from as a separate nightmarish entity altogether, but at least this time he was one of the cats to be herded, not the one doing the herding. Small mercies.

They were just lucky that Lila had decided not to come. Apparently their powers ‘gave her a headache’ whilst she was pregnant. Five had gone to visit her out of boredom and sibling duty, and swore to report back on the idiocy for her, and had somehow gotten roped into shopping.

‘Just zap us all there, I want to feel alive again.’

‘You could do it yourself.’ He pointed out, and she groaned and grabbed his hand. They did that a lot, held hands. Five had actually come to enjoy the brusque contact with his most violent sister. There remained a certain comfort in the knowledge he was holding the hand of another killer.

‘Don’t be a prick.’ She groaned. He waited, brow raised. ‘Look you’re more practiced than me alright! I don’t want to jump there and find out little Lila Junior is all over the floor somewhere else!’

‘Okay that’s disgusting.’ He’d blinked them just to stop the conversation, but not so quick that he hadn’t seen her wicked grin at his pain.

And, of course, after jumping that far, he didn’t have the juice to escape.

‘Do you even own anything that isn’t some god-awful dark academia bullshit?’

‘Rich coming from a punk.’

‘You’re going to the beach not a banquet-‘ They’d snapped and bitten at each other whilst grinning through their shark teeth and Lila had forced him to buy a pair of truly heinous swimming trunks about the length of the Academy shorts he’d used to wear. At least until Allison had dragged him out shopping again.

‘You wore that nice suit in the Sparrow timeline, you do not need to go back to looking like a prep-school kid.’

At least Allison had taste.

And secretly, Five had been glad that someone had made him do it. Old routines were the hardest to break for him when they seemed so ultimately unimportant.

‘Sunglasses!’ Lila belted out, breaking his musings and dragged him roughly over to a stand. She’d fussed over trying on shades and insisting on him doing the same and Five had allowed himself to pick out a pair he actually quite liked.

They suit you better than those goggles. Five huffed a smile at that. Dolores always had deplored his apocalyptic wardrobe.

‘I just, I want to be out there, but I’m not sure I’m ready to be out there.’ Five’s head popped up over the sunglasses stand.

‘Viktor? Luthor?’

‘Five!’

‘Lila?’

‘There’s the boys! No Klaus?’

‘He was, um, what are you doing here?’ Luther stumbled the words, other than Klaus and Five, the siblings were still somewhat awkward around Diego’s partner. Lila didn’t let it show, but Five thought the distance there bothered her. Five certainly wasn’t the one to know what to do about it. Klaus had told him he ‘imprinted’, like a duckling, and that had been enough ‘friendship’ talk to last another lifetime.

And he got embarrassed enough by Diego’s obvious happiness at him taking the time to include Lila.

Five held up the shorts he was being frog-marched into buying.

Not that there was a point, because he wouldn’t be stepping foot in the ocean ever again.

‘Apparently this is required dress code.’

‘Oh, same.’ Luther grinned a bit, before his face fell. Viktor, who’d been the one talking earlier, looked a little sullen.

‘No offence, but me and my spawn are going to walk away from all this.’ Lila gestured and excited stage left back towards the child section where, embarrassingly, Five had just come from to get the shorts in his hand. She had meant that their powers were bothering her, a weird pregnancy side-effect, but the pair of them looked a little slapped in the face.

‘What’s up with you two?’ Five asked, coming around the sunglasses stand to eye them up and down better. ‘Was it Diego? It’s usually Diego.’

‘What? No.’ Luther insisted. Viktor cleared his throat.

‘It’s just,’ Viktor paused for a breath and looked to Luther, who nodded encouragingly. ‘It’s hard to, cross some hurdles, with the dysmorphia.’

‘It’ll get easier, or I hope it will.’ Luther’s half-encouragement was half-hearted but well meaning, and Viktor offered him a small sad smile. Five just frowned at them.

‘Dysmorphia?’ He rolled the word around, squinting. ‘The medical condition?’ He frowned harder. In a sense, Luther’s ape-like physicality could be called that. But Sloane had gone a long way to helping with that. But she wasn’t fully welcomed into the loving disaster that was his family yet, so she wouldn’t be at the beach. Maybe that was the problem.

He’d said the wrong thing, Luther was flushed in embarrassment and Viktor put a hand on his arm before cutting in.

‘No, well-‘

‘Sort of, in my case. Both I guess.’ Luther spoke over Viktor, seeming to pull in his confidence with a truly remarkable strength. Strength of character that their father had always failed to measure. Much like Viktor’s patience.

‘Body dysmorphia. It’s when you might feel like the way your body looks isn’t how you think it should be. It’s how I felt, before. And somedays there’s another new hurdle to cross.’

‘It’s not comfortable, the idea of being on show like that.’ They managed their words with aplomb, but Five was somewhere between them and himself.

Maybe that was selfish, but he found himself looking at his own hands as they spoke, jaw a little slack.

Dysmorphia.

‘Oh.’ He didn’t have many more words for them, but the silence suggested he should, so he pulled away from himself and looked to them again. ‘What are you going to do about it?’

Taken aback a little by the blunt question, they looked at each other. Viktor found his voice first.

‘We were debating between making a ’t-shirts are ok’ pact or a-‘

‘’Skin or nothing’ oath.’ Luther finished. Five didn’t think he had the skill set to say the right thing.

You do. Dolores insisted softly. You’re kinder than you think.

‘Well, let me know what you decide.’ He offered, hoping he was somewhere on the track to wiping the misery off their faces. Three apocalypses and it’s still the human condition bringing us all down. ‘I’ll join you.’ Decidedly he nodded, and turned to make sure Lila wasn’t getting caught shoplifting. Honestly her skills needed some improvement. Although she would probably say the same about him.

Viktor and Luther’s seaside-problems Five could understand maybe a bit better on a personal level than those afflicting the rest of his family, because there was a certain degree of dysmorphia to all their bodily situations that didn’t bother dwelling on but couldn’t not be dwelt on at the beach. It wasn’t like he enjoyed looking at himself in the mirror, so on some level he got it.

He’d bring a t-shirt in case.

-

Despite their united worry, and Five’s pessimism, the Hargreeves family all descended on the mansion Friday evening for their trip to the beach the following day.

Five nearly blinked to the roof when Claire ran up and hugged him, standing with his fists clenched throughout and then vanishing behind the bar. As in hidden behind the bar. He had long ago sworn to Allison that he wouldn’t drink in front of Claire. They could at least both agree that she was a child.

Luther and surprisingly Viktor got drunk on the other side of the bar and Klaus merrily joined in.

Lila dropped Diego off to stay overnight since they had an early start come the morning, and Five contemplated blinking into their car to escape whilst Diego shouted at her to not do anything criminal while he was gone.

Allison escaped to smoke twice in between fretting about which sibling to entrust Claire to in the meantime, and quickly decided to just put Claire to bed instead.

Five listened to it all hidden behind the bar. Klaus knew he was there, he kept passing his glass down for Five to refill. Five left a shot out for Ben as well, because it felt polite, Even if apparently Ben disapproved of alcohol.

All too soon, they were turning in for the night in dribs and drabs.

Five hung on until the end. Surprisingly with Luther and Viktor.

‘Ahem.’ Luther cleared his throat and knocked a little sloppily on the bar top as they were turning to go. Five had been humming ‘Dream a little Dream of me’ for Dolores for the last few minutes and hiccupped himself to a stop. ‘For tomorrow, no shirts.’

‘No shirts!’ Viktor chorused loudly and very, very drunk, toppling a little from the sounds of it.

‘No shirts!’ Luther joined in and the pair stumbled up for the night.

‘No shirts.’ He toasted to the air, took his last swig and went to pick up Dolores-

But she wasn’t there. The shop had thrown her away.

In a flash the martini glass he’d been drinking from smashed against the bar where he’d thrown it.

You’re gonna have to clean that up now.

‘I know, I know.’

He ignored the catch in his voice as he moved to do just that, craving to hold her and getting glass shards instead.

—

‘Get up Five! Christ, there’s always one.’

‘And it’s usually him, or you. Actually it's usually you.’

‘Shut up and help me! Oh wait you can’t.’

‘Wow, low blow.’

‘Oh I can go lower-‘

‘Shut up.’ Five smacked his pillow at Klaus like a true teenager and glowered. His hair was ruffled and he smelt like a bar.

‘You look like some nasty little cat I found on the sidewalk and just want to put in a blanket,’ Klaus half-crooned, half sneered, grabbing his grumbling gremlin of a brother. ‘Now come on, get up and showered or Allison will have our asses.’

‘Have our asses!’ All three of them turned with slightly horrified gazes to see Claire standing in the door giggling, fingers pressed over her mouth and looking like she knew exactly what she was doing. The little tyrant. With a final giggle she turned and ran. ‘Mooooooom!’

‘No no no no no!’ Klaus abandoned Five to his fate and sprinted off after his favourite little terror of a niece. If she made it to Allison, they were all doomed.

She made it Allison.

Five managed to get himself somewhat presentable, down the stairs and into clothes. In fact they all did, more or les on time, it was a Hargreeves miracle.

‘Loving the shorts buddy. You needed more colour in your wardrobe.’

‘Keep talking and I’ll sk-‘ Five stopped himself, Ben snorted uncharitably behind Klaus’ shoulder as Claire looked eerily around at them, eyes wide and guileless. Klaus cleared his throat whilst Five’s brain seemed to re-wire itself, clutching his coffee for dear life and eyes shielded by shades. ‘Skkkunk you.’

‘Skunk you.’ Claire mouthed, hand benignly in Allison’s, eyes bright with hell-fire.

‘Skunk me?’ Klaus turned to Five again, disbelief and laughter battling for dominance in his chest. ‘That’s the best you could do?’

‘Keep talking, and you’ll find out.’ Five’s coffee got grumbled into and Ben guffawed behind them.

‘You’re both idiots.’

‘Shut up Ben!’

‘Dead Uncle Ben’s here?!’ Klaus shrivelled under the weight of Allison’s incredulous raised brows turning to him with the sweet promise of death as Ben ‘awwed’ behind him.

-

Allison had already had to put up with Claire having a tantrum about not being able to talk to Uncle Ben, and had thrown her hands in the air when  Klaus had said Ben also wanted to talk to Claire.

‘Sure, why not! Let’s just wheel her right into therapy rather than window-shopping it!’ She had stormed to the back of the bus and sat next to Five, because he was currently the quietest and she saw the least of him.

Ben’s blue conjured form absolutely enchanted Claire, and her eyes swelled so large and happy and un-affected by rumour as she looked gleefully between Dead Uncle Ben and her Mom that it made Allison’s heart lighter.

Watching Ben form into what existence Klaus could give him was always a delight, if a bittersweet one, and Allison found herself relaxing a bit at watching the joint joy on her child and brother’s faces.

They had taken the bus to the beach, changed three times and by the time the ocean breeze was coming salty and refreshing through the window Allison’s hungover siblings had drunk enough coffee, water and juice to grace the land of the living. Viktor and Luther had woken from their nap enough to tease Diego about his upcoming life of parenthood. She’d berate them, or join them, but honestly they were just the warm up act for the terror Allison herself could inspire if she told Diego the truth of parenting. But she didn’t quite want to do that.

Something in her knew the horrors too well to joke about them right now, the emotions always too present. And some dark voice inside her said that she didn’t get to lord it over anyone. Not with the mess she’d made the first time round.

And probably was making, letting her kid talk to her ghost Uncle.

‘It’ll be fine.’ Allison jolted a bit, and glanced down at Five, slumped still somewhat bonelessly, dressed in a plain top and tropical beach shorts that were almost the same shade of yellow as Allison’s own bikini under her wrap dress. Five was alert enough to be verbal, which was good, but not quite enough to move further down the bus and put up with their family’s particular brand of unending bullshit.

‘What will?’ She asked, bewildered. ‘This family trip? I’m pretty sure its’ already gone way better than it should, which means we’re due for a tsunami at least.’ He snickered at that and she smiled at the rarely heard sound.

‘Well I won’t disagree, but I meant Claire with Ben. If anyone can talk sense to her, it’s the one who usually holds the brain cell.’

And Five was somewhat right. Despite the way he very awkwardly coughed and looked through his fringe out the window when Claire came to sit between them.

‘Mom, I’m sorry about pretending to see Dead Uncle, I mean, Uncle Ben at school. I know it’s a Serious Topic now.’ She nodded solemnly, and Allison felt her face crease up in adoration at the attemptive-adult look on her daughter’s angelic face. And the apology that she wasn’t sure she deserved, but couldn’t help melting over. ‘But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop talking about him because Uncle Ben and Death are important.’ And just like that, adoration turned to the sort of disbelief that only children could inspire. Five snorted.

‘Smart kid.’ He muttered, and Allison found her smile reforming.

‘Thank you Claire, and you’re right, those are important topics. We’ll have a talk about bluntness at, a much, much later date.’ Because there were only so many Serious Parenting Moments she could handle before 10 in the morning. She thought she had an easy out, but then Five was turning to Claire with a devilish look at Allison over his glasses and a truly awful smile. Her stomach dropped.

‘Whatever she says don’t listen to her, your Mom mastered bluntness at age Six.’

‘Six?!’

‘Six.’ Five nodded.

‘I think you should go talk to Uncle Ben while he’s here sweetie, Uncle Klaus can only keep him visible so long-‘

‘But I wanna talk to Uncle Five too!’

‘No you don’t-‘ Allison and Five flashed each other an awkward look at their matching words.

‘Hey Claire! Claire! Wanna see the octopus in Uncle Ben’s belly-‘

‘NO SHOWING HER THE HORROR!’ Allison shouted as Claire squealed and ran for a glaring Ben and shit-eating Klaus.

She didn’t have one child, she had a whole bus of them.

-

The beach spray in the air wasn’t like he’d thought it would be.

Five watched the unreal blue hue of the ocean, heard the waves crash rather than slosh thickly, felt sand rather than trash and rubble under his feet.

It was beautiful.

‘So, we doing this?’

‘We’re doing this.’ He glanced to Luther and Viktor. They’d set up their family’s base-camp on the beach, and Allison was over at the nearby changing huts getting Claire sorted. Diego had set them up under one of the available umbrellas and was lecturing Klaus on sunscreen. Because of course he was.

Red rays from the too-hot sunlight burnt through the distorted atmosphere, piercing dust-and-storm clouds, lighting the grey sloshing water in an eerie light.

‘Don’t you want to swim? I always wanted to swim.’

‘Hey Five!’ Sand hit him in the face. Five spluttered and spun around. No crap littering the golden sands. Just his family and the blue tide. Disguising his shaky breath, Five glared at Diego. ‘You too, sun cream, come on line up.’

‘Sun cream Nazi.’

‘Want me to spray it in your face Klaus?’ Klaus just groaned, turning around obediently as Diego sprayed an endless can of aerosol ‘factor 30’ onto his pale skin.

‘Might as well get it over with Five. He’ll have his way.’ Klaus pouted.

‘That I will, alright, you’re done, come back in three hours.’

‘Alright Mom.’ Klaus mocked with a grin and escaped away, donning his brimmed hat and heading to the ocean.

‘You’re up.’ Diego beckoned him over and Five shook his head snorting.

‘The sun’s not even radioactive at this point.’ Diego stared and then grabbed him.

‘You’re the most in danger, young skin is important to protect.’

‘Get off me!’ Five snatched the can and roughly sprayed over himself before throwing it back. ‘Happy?’

‘That’s not how you apply sunscreen bro.’

‘Its literally what you just did.’

‘No sunscreen, no sun.’ Diego stated with an impressive amount of finality and pointed at the towels under the parasol where Viktor and Luther were lurking. Beyond them, Allison was running after Claire to the water.

‘Fine by me.’ He wasn’t swimming anyway, and he’d had enough of the sun’s harsh rays. Diego seemed appeased, and headed to the ocean himself.

Five settled down and, seeing his remaining brothers had already removed their shirts, did the same. Solidarity and all.

Job done, he settled back, and watched the ocean.

It was even more mesmeric now than it had been back then, thick with ash and ruined life, but the largest amount of water he’d seen in months.

He hadn’t washed in months.

Is it even real? Dolores laughed at him

‘Of course it’s real.’ Walking there had been a dream, heart thudding, shedding clothes along the way haphazardly, stumbling over ruble and Dolores in his arms, in a dream till the water sloshed over his ankles.

The sensation had sent shivers up his spine.

‘Hey, you swimming?’ Viktor nudged him back into focus and Five looked around him, glad of the sunglasses hiding his eyes.

‘No.’

‘Really? But we’re at the beach, and it’s pretty empty, even Luther’s in.’ It took Five a moment to notice that yes, he was. Tossing Claire up in the air and into the water as she squealed in delight. Diego looked like he was doing some pretty serious swimming while Klaus and Allison lounged in the shallows.

‘You go, have fun. I’ll guard the camp. Wouldn’t want us loosing our clothes.’ He got a frown at that, but Five had lost his Academy uniform that day on the beach and with it the only reminder of home he had left, the only identity he had. Not to mention the only clothes he’d had.

Just because he’d wanted to feel water and hadn’t weighed them down.

‘Well, come over when you’re ready. You’ll like it.’ He grinned in lieu of answering and Viktor shrugged and went off, both him and Luther bare-skinned from the waist up and wearing it with growing confidence.

Smiling a little, Five folded his arms behind his head and stretched his toes into the sand. It burned a bit, but the feeling was unlike anything he’d felt before. He kept doing it over and over, finally sitting up and admitting that he wanted to touch it.

Five settled off the towel and felt the sand all over, shivering, digging his fingers into it.

Dry and hot on top, cool and heavier underneath if he dug down far enough.

Golden, soft.

His fingers found a shell and Five took a while staring at the delicate pattern, mesmerised. He looked for more.

‘What are you doing?’ Five had to get a better handle on being snuck up on. He looked around to see Claire staring at him, rocking on her feet.

‘Finding shells.’ He replied.

‘I’ll help!’ She lay down next to the hole he’d dug and reached her arms in to tease through the sand. ‘They’re pretty.’

‘Uh, sure.’ Seeing how deep Claire had to reach into the hole, Five looked around and winced. Half of their belongings were covered in sand and to match the hole was a large mountain he’d moved aside, digging straight down mindlessly.

‘Is this one good?’ Claire pulled out a long, thin shell, poking Five’s knee with it.

‘Its great.’ He took it and tried not to feel her eyes on him as he looked it over. ‘It’s a razor clam shell.’ He offered, turning it over in his fingers and admiring the barred pattern. He put it in the ‘clam’ pile.

‘Really? What’s this one.’

‘A snail.’

‘And this one?’ Five glanced over from where he’d reached for another speck of porcelain white buried in the sand.

‘A crab claw.’

‘Where’s the rest of the crab?’

‘Given that that’s it’s arm, I’m assuming that it’s dead.’

‘Like Uncle Ben.’

‘Like Uncle Ben. Although, I don’t know if crabs have ghosts that stick around, that’s really an ethical and philosophical debate on the presence of a soul and frankly it’s exhausting.’

‘Oh.’

‘Claire! There you are, don’t run off like that!’ Allison looked vaguely harassed as she hurried to them. ‘Oh, Five, thanks for looking after her.’

‘Don’t mention it.’ He replied, somewhat guilty where he had moved to sit in the hole he’d dug, and hadn’t even noticed Claire being ‘missing’ in the first place. He’d been too focused by the texture of sand and delicate shells.

‘What are you two doing?’ The frown and amused quirk to her mouth suggested that this wasn’t normal.

‘Uncle Five’s collecting shells.’ Incredulous eyes turned his way, Five scowled.

‘I can stop.’ He snapped out.

‘No, no Five, it’s okay. People collect shells at the beach.’ Her assurance was swift but gentle, genuine. Claire was looking at him wide-eyed.

‘Oh. Okay.’ He replied, somewhat derailed from defending himself.

Prickly. Five ignored Dolores’ fond chuckle.

‘Impressive hole Five.’ Luther came up behind Allison and Five hopped out enough to sit on the rim of his sand pit. Claire squealed on seeing him and reached up to be lifted, she kept hold of the crab claw.

‘What is that?’

‘It’s Uncle Five’s dead crab!’

‘Don’t touch things like that!’ Allison wrestled it from Claire  who pouted.

‘Uncle Five touched it!’

‘Well, he’s a heathen, not a lady.’ Five snorted, but didn’t deny it. ‘Let’s go wash your hands.’ Claire was led away with a plea of ‘but mooooooom’ and Luther took her place.

‘You’re not swimming?’

‘Apparently I’m collecting shells.’ Five gestured over to the neatly sorted collection he’d accumulated.

Dolores liked them.

‘I just thought you were digging a hole. Maybe we should make a sand castle.’

‘A what?’ Luther was already gathering the sand Five had piled up and grinned.

‘I’ll show you! I used to try and make miniature ones on the moon with the moon dust I collected, but we could make a really big one!’ The childlike enthusiasm was enough to stir Five’s eternal curiosity, he followed Luther out of his hole and felt the sun lap his skin as they began forming a ‘foundation’.

It was surprisingly enjoyable. Therapeutically technical.

It looks good.

It did, Five thought.

Give it a tower for me, like a princess would have.

‘It needs a tower.’

‘Good idea. And a flag.’

They built for a while before Diego came to join them and added himself in with a comment of ‘sick’. They stuck one of Diego’s knives in the top in place of a flag and Viktor and Klaus came by with a heaping assortment of lunch foods.

‘Feeding time at the zoo!’

Allison and Claire followed having been in the sea again, and Five got up and stretched from where he’d been hunched over. The water glittered in the sun.

Five thought he might like the beach.

‘Five, your back!’

‘What about it?’ Five looked at Diego askance but got pushed under the shade.

‘It’s coming up red already, I told you to stay in the shade.’

‘Such a parent in the making.’ Klaus teased. ‘What? I think it’s sweet, really!’ Ben, apparently, was getting involved.

‘I’m fine.’ Five protested, but was wrangled onto one of their sandy towels and he watched bemused as Diego wetted a t-shirt and draped it over Five’s shoulders. The coolness did feel good, he hadn’t realised how hot his skin had gotten. Sometimes it was hard to feel things.

‘After lunch, you’re putting sunscreen on.’ Diego warned with a raised finger and firm stare. ‘Now drink your water.’

‘You’re not the boss of me.’ But he wasn’t about to waste water, so he drunk what he was given and ate the hotdog passed his way and listened to their chatter. With the distraction of the sand gone, his thoughts ticked lazily back to the last ocean trip he’d had.

He’d been so hungry that time that he’d contemplated eating one of the rotting fish carcasses before deciding better.

-

[kissorkill16]

Fill My Empty Heart: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: After Mya's death, Aaron committed suicide. Mr. Peterson, desperate to have a family again, takes in the depressed and heartbroken child across the street, Nicky Roth.

Chapter 1

It has been raining for a few weeks now. Nicky was sure it was probably gonna start flooding soon. His parents had offered many times to drive him to school, but last time he did that, his mother just kept going on and on about how if this didn't work, she could always book him a therapist out of town.

He wasn't in the mood for another headache.

So he just decided to walk to school in the rain.

When he finally got to school, he tried not to be seen by any of his friends. Maybe he could just borrow a towel from the Lost & Found bin.

He put on his hoodie, trying to keep a low profile. But he miserably failed when he felt 2 arms wrap around his torso.

"Nicky!"

Nicky recognized that voice immediately. It was Trinity.

Enzo had recently introduced her to him last summer...

Back when Aaron was still alive.

He gently pried the arms away, "Hi, Trinity.", he mumbled. He didn't want to get involved with anyone right now, all Nicky wanted to do was get this day over with.

His friends however, had other plans.

"So what do you have planned for after school today?", asked Trinity. "Going home.", said Nicky.

"Sounds fun, but I was thinking that maybe you'd like to come by at Enzo's after school. We were gonna watch a movie and order pizza. Doesn't that sound -"

Nicky was just trying to get his notebooks from his locker, trying to drown out Trinity's voice. He slammed his locker door shut.

"That sounds like loads of fun, Trinity. But I am not in the mood.", he said, his voice emotionless. "Thanks, but no thanks."

He turned around to walk away, and he accidentally saw something in the corner of his eye. It was an article about the recent news.

AARON PETERSON FOUND DEAD IN SHOWER

Immediately, Nicky felt his vision begin to blur, his eyes filled up with tears. He covered his mouth to muffle his sobs, and then he felt another pair of arms wrap around him.

"Hey.", it was Enzo. "How're you holding up, buddy?"

Nicky gently pushed him away, "I'm fine, I'm just still trying to...process."

Enzo gently pulled his friend back into his embrace, letting Nicky cry into his shoulder.

"Nicky, I know you miss him, everyone who knew him does. But..."

Nicky tilted his head to look at Enzo, "But what?", he felt himself shout. "But I should just get over it? But that's no reason to act like a fucking lunatic at school? But I should just forget about him because it was never going to last long anyway?"

Enzo put his hands up, "No! No, of course not. I would never ask you to just forget about someone who made you happy.", he said. He took Nicky's hand and held it in his.

"Just come to my house after school. We can watch whatever you're in the mood for. I promise it'll clear your mind."

Nicky was reluctant, but he eventually nodded.

"Great! See you then!"

The whole day, Nicky felt like absolute shit. His nose was getting a little stuffy, he was coughing and sneezing a lot, and he felt cold, and he was wearing a freaking hoodie for God's sake!

He tried to keep it in during Mr. Randall's class, but it wasn't easy. He had to suffer in the cold as he used his hoodie to cover his coughs and sneezes.

"Jesus Christ, man! Are you dying too?", asked Seth Jenkins, who was sitting right behind him.

"Shut up, Seth. We're trying to pay attention.", said Enzo.

Seth rolled his eyes and stared back at the board. A moment of silence passed through the room, with just the teacher talking, then Seth leaned in closer to Nicky.

"How was the funeral?", he asked, "You sure cried a river, didn't you?"

"Seth, I'm trying to pay attention."

"I heard you sounded like a dying pig."

"Seth, I'm warning you."

Mr. Randall clapped his hands, "Mr. Roth, Mr. Jenkins, try to keep your focus on the board please.", he said.

Another moment of uninterrupted teaching passed through the room.

Then Seth said something that made Nicky just snap inside.

"It was a miracle for sure.", he whispered. "Now we don't have to worry about his weird ass anymore. If I were you, I'd consider myself lucky."

Nicky balled his hands into fists.

"And did you see how funny he looked? The man was acting like he didn't even have a neck anymore!", laughed Ruben Smith, sitting right next to Seth.

Nicky didn't know what happened, but when he finally snapped out of it, he was holding a chair with blood on its metal legs, and Seth & Ruben were laying on the floor, blood dripping from their noses.

"YOU FUCK ASSES THINK THIS IS FUCKING FUNNY?!", he yelled at them. "YOU THINK SUICIDE IS SO FUNNY?! YOU THINK ME LOSING MY BEST FRIEND IS FUNNY?!"

"Mr. Roth, what the hell!"

Nicky didn't even stick around to see what Mr. Randall was going to say next. He just threw the chair at Seth, and ran out of the room, straight to the bathroom.

He decided to just hide in one of the stalls until the day was over. It seemed easier than going back out there and dealing with whatever those stupid people had to say to him next.

He curled in on himself, hugging and burying his face into his knees.

"I miss you so much, Aaron.", he sobbed. "Why did you do it, Aaron? Why did you leave me?"

If only Aaron could answer back to him.

[teecupangel]

Tee, I'm re-reading Esama's glorious Sailing the Stars again and, a few chapters in, I thought- if the Desmond who could Hear Us got caught up in this scenario, many of us would be screaming at each other. Some in panic, some in excitement, and a few/one of us are starting to sound slightly unhinged from how long we've been laughing (read: cackling) for and how it's been growing so loud that's it's more like mad howling and it starts to drown out everyone else through sheer Awkwardness and how Unnerving it is.

Meanwhile, Desmond is just standing, awkwardly, before either a couple of Jedi or the entire Council- who are also slightly frozen in awkwardness because the Force is being as unhinged as the Cacklers but less Awkward and Unnerving and more, laughing/howling at a joke that it's decidedly Not Explaining. To Anyone.

And then the cackling suddenly stops and someone says, with a slasher grin you could almost hear: "Hey Des baby, can you go ruin the entire fucking careers of some Siths for us? Pretty please?"

Not sure which time Desmond would come out of, but I find it hilarious if Desmond manages to appear during a time when Qui Gon Jinn and Dooku were having problems later in their relationship but before he takes Vosa as his padawan and now Jinn has to deal with not only the knowledge that His Master Fucks but also has, and does occasionally, Fuck with Sifo Dyas and Madame Nu when the time and preference arises. The mental damage alone has some of Us laughing our asses off. Not to mention the implicated existence of Actual Gods/Patrons and the multiverse.

Sailing the Stars by esama (If you love Star Wars and Desmond Miles, go give it a read if you haven’t… or reread it if you already have XD)

This… isn’t exactly a fanfic of a fanfic because this can be summarized more as “Desmond gets awaken in the Star Wars timeline during maybe the Tales of the Jedi series? and he can still hear us”. I don’t think you need to have read Sailing the Stars to get this little snippet, at the very least.

.

.

Desmond has no idea what to do.

By this point, the voices in his head, the capricious ‘watchers’, would be giving him directions or suggestions but they were all still freaking out.

Because, according to what he could actually understand from their freak outs, he was not supposed to be here and this was a ‘crossover’ and “OH MY GOD” and the occasional “I don’t know enough about this!” sprinkled here and there would imply that he wasn’t in his ‘universe’ anymore.

Even the first who talked to him had fallen silent after a dreadful “fuck, this isn’t my fandom” and that was definitely not a good sign.

The other voices he could recognize were too busy freaking out and they were arguing where Desmond.

To be more exact: they were questioning if Desmond was in ‘canon’ or in ‘legends’… whatever that meant.

There a low chant of “Desmond for Darth Revan!” that was being shushed once in a while

And here he was… just… standing.

This council of what they call Jedis was staring at him with furrowed brows, something about how the Force was surrounding him and was… very ‘chaotic’?

But not in a bad way?

Like the kind of giddy chaos that children would get into?

At least, that was what that short green… alien?

Is it racist for Desmond to call him an alien?

Aren’t they all aliens anyway?

Isn’t Desmond an alien too because, apparently, he’s different from the other humans that the Jedis have on record.

Being both more primitive and also too ‘different’ to be considered one of the older ones, whatever that means.

Desmond would have assumed that it was because of his Isu-human gene ratio but the more logical reason would probably be because he was…

Well…

Not from this universe.

Not that he was going to say that.

Even if he did, they would probably just assume he meant not from this specific ‘galaxy’ or whatever.

Desmond would take any kind of distraction at this point and he finally got his wish when the door slid open and two more men entered the room.

The voices were silent for a moment before some of them began to shout, “Oh my god. Is that Count Dooku?! He’s soooo young.”

“Oooohhh, Qui Gon Jinn! Look at him! He’s so baby!”

Desmond’s eyes met the older man that he was certain was supposed to be Count Dooku and the voices hushed for a moment before someone whispered.

“300K, slowburn, corruption arc, hurt and comfort, BAMF Desmond Miles, Good Count Dooku.”

Desmond wanted to sigh.

Maybe he should just run away at this point?

[hannzoaks]

feel the wind in your hair

Pairing: !BikerAzriel x !BikerOC

author's note: reader has she/her pronouns, this is literally my first fanfic ever and i lowkey didn't want to post it but i figured it couldn't hurt LMAO. i dont love it and any constructive criticism is welcome, just don't be mean i'm sensitive :') lmk if a part 2 is wanted, okay enjoy!

word count: 1.2k

Dana

As soon as I walk into the university library, I feel multiple pairs of eyes on me. Wearing biker gear and carrying a helmet around tends to draw attention, both wanted and unwanted. My “biker gear” is just aramid lined jeans and a leather jacket, but combined with the helmet in my hands, I look totally decked out. I ignore the stares, as I always do, and look for an open desk. It’s the beginning of the semester so people are actually in the library instead of giving up and going home right after class. I walk through the lines of students and computers, glancing at students already in study groups or students sitting by themselves with headphones on, ignoring everything going on around them. There’s some open seats but I keep walking to the back of the library, wanting to be as isolated as possible. As I get closer to my favorite corner, the one with booths and whiteboards, I hear loud and rambunctious laughter. I’ve been in uni long enough to know that it’s a group of rowdy boys, most likely frat guys, not taking education seriously and riding on daddy’s money. My steps falter as I seriously consider finding somewhere else to sit, but after driving an hour and a half on the back of my bike, my body is screaming at me to just sit down. I pick the booth in the farthest corner, a couple tables down from the group of guys being obnoxious. My helmet clatters on the table as I practically fall into the booth, groaning as I take my backpack off my shoulders. I slip my leather jacket off and throw it across the table in frustration. I was only wearing that to ride, it’s the middle of August and I’m sweating so bad I’m not so sure I don’t look like a drowned rat. My head plops down onto the cool table and I take a couple deep breaths before sitting up and opening up my bag. I pull out my laptop and begin to sign into it when the table of boys explode in laughter again. Frustration rises in me quickly and violently and I bite my tongue before I lash out. I’m so overstimulated, I’m hot, sticky, my ass hurts from sitting on that damn bike, and my shoulders feel like they’ll fall off from how heavy my backpack is. I just wanted to come to my quiet corner and start my assignments. I pull out my headphones and sigh in relief when the room around me muffles into quiet background noise. I open up my assignments and click on the one that I’ve been putting off until the last second, it’s due tonight and I’ve barely even looked at it. Of course it's a tedious assignment that should be considered busy work, I sigh and pull up the necessary tools to complete it. After a while I actually get a majority of it done before deciding I want a quick snack. I scoot out of my booth, looking up at the group of guys that are still goofing off. I immediately make eye contact with one of them, he has dark hair with striking hazel eyes. He has sharp facial features, and I can’t help but notice how appealing his lips are. His facial piercings stand out against his tanned skin, and I swear they twinkled in the light. He’s probably the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen in my life. Both of our faces remain blank, and my eyes flick down to the objects at his feet. A motorcycle helmet, riding gloves, and an armored jacket. My eyebrows flick up in curiosity and my gaze darts back to his for a second before looking forward and walking towards the vending machine at the front of the library. I feel eyes on me again, but this time it’s only one pair, and it’s impossible to ignore.

Azriel

Jesus the guys are so loud today. Every laugh out of them is like nails on a chalkboard. I can’t tell if it's because I’m actually annoyed by them or just hyper aware of the fact that they’re acting like this in the library. It’s probably both. At this point I think I’ve totally zoned out, only coming to when one of them says my name or when Cassian laughs too loudly at a joke I didn’t hear. Rhysand doesn’t seem to be concerned with how loud Lucien and Cassian are being, and Eris seems as zoned out as I am. I’m so deep in thought that I don’t even realize Rhys was saying my name until he punches my arm and I whip my head around to him.

“Dude what the fuck?” I mumble, rubbing my arm. 

“Did you not just hear me? I told you to look at that biker chick as she passed but you didn’t look up in time. She already sat down.” He points to the corner of the room at a lone booth. I follow his finger and see just a shoulder and long brown hair in a braid thrown over it. There’s nothing there to suggest she has a motorcycle so I scan the rest of the area, looking for someone who has any biker gear. 

“Where? I don’t see anyone.” I say, still scanning.

“You were just looking at her, the one with the braid. Her gear is tucked into the other side of the booth.” I take another peek, watching as she slumps onto the table. I turn back to the group of guys and see them all watching me.

“Why are you all looking at me?” I look back down at the notes we’re supposed to be studying. “Just because she rides a bike doesn’t mean anything.”

Cassian sighs dramatically, plopping his hands into his chin. “Yea but YOU ride a bike. Which means y’all are meant to be, which means you can ride off into the sunset together, which mea-”

“Cass shut up and get back to work.” I throw one of my highlighters at him while the table bursts into laughter. I cringe and glance around, noting a few dirty looks being thrown our way and sink down into my chair. We eventually got back to work and ended up getting some of it done. Definitely more than I thought we would. I see movement out of the corner of my eye and look up to see electric blue eyes staring back at me. She has her hair pulled back into a braid that reaches the tops of her hips, and her nose ring catches my attention. Freckles splatter her face and neck and she has bright pink headphones on. She looks so…unimpressed. I see her scan me and note the biker gear sitting at my feet. My heart thumps as she looks back up to meet my eyes but she turns away and continues walking towards the front of the library. I watch as she walks away, my eyes following her intently and swallowing up any details I can while trying not to look like a total creep. I glance back at her table and realize she left all her stuff, which means she’ll have to walk back this way to grab it all again. My heart races as I debate getting up and talking to her when she makes her way back, but with every second that passes my self-doubt takes over. And when she makes her way back towards her table, I don’t even look at her as she passes.

[moonlessmondays]

Sailing Close to the Wind|| One: Chasing Rainbows and Spinning Dreams

*takes a deep breath* *opens laptop* *blows ever so softly*

*coughs*

Hello everyone, I bet you didn't think I would ever come back to write more Downton stuff. Maybe an update from me isn't in your 2024 bingo card. Not gonna lie, I'm just as surprised as you are. I've been gone for far longer than I ever was here, but I guess, prodigal children always find their way home.

YES. This is an update. I know.

In light of the new movie announcement, I made a trip down memory lane, and was inspired by one of my old fics. Not that my writing from five years ago was ever inspiring, really. Anyway, it was supposed to be a one shot, and so I felt like I was in under no obligation to add more, but add more, I shall do.

*steadfastly ignores the 300 other cobert fanfics I am supposed to update*

To my surprise as well as yours, this one had an interesting and very polite demand for more, and honestly, if I wasn't so neck deep in law school, I would have given this a go earlier. Of course, I chose the most inopportune time -- when I'm in over my head, drowning, in bar review and prep -- to finish this piece. But whatever. It was therapeutic. I do suggest you read the prologue first, again -- here or here-- because I doubt any of you still remember this. This one's a long one that I just had to get out of my system, because studying about my country's system is the equivalent of pouring bleach all over my brain.

I would like to say as early as now however, that as I have already mentioned earlier, I am in the middle of bar prep, so the updates are probably going to be few and far in between, if at all, towards the middle of this year. Not that it's anything new where I'm concerned. But I shall endeavor to finish before the end of year or the end of the world, at least, whichever comes first.

.::.

One

Chasing rainbows and Spinning Dreams

"Can it possibly beThe future for me is you…Wait until I can tell you all my schemesChasing rainbows spinning dreamsTell me please your name”  - Tell me your name, Jose Mari Chan

The silence in the room was so loud that one could hear a pin drop – as the old adage went, anyway, – and for one brief second, Cora found herself questioning if her boss was all right in the head. Maybe she had lost her mind after all the stress and was now clinically insane. 

That, after all, was the only logical explanation to her even remotely suggesting this.

Cora looked away from her boss, wondering what she should do or say next, when her gaze met the eyes of the man on the other side of the room. Robert, that’s what Rosamund said, but Cora already knew that. There was nary a soul in this entire company who didn’t. He rarely made any appearance, but he’s never missed one company party and his name was always on everybody’s lips. 

Cora could still – though she would never say it out loud or admit it – remember the first time she had seen the esteemed Mr. Robert Crawley. It had been during her first company Christmas party. She was new, a new hire fresh from her internship, and she’d been so young and so infatuated by the piercing blue eyes that barely looked her way even once in the party. He’d been caught up, talking to the big wigs, to his sister, and their other colleagues and didn’t have time for the little Miss Americana that was Cora. Not that Cora had minded very much, she was content with sipping her wine and admiring Mr. Crawley from afar. 

He was handsome and his laugh was loud and boisterous, although hardly offensive. He spoke to Mr. Carson and his wife, Mrs. Elsie Hughes-Carson, who both worked with them at the company, like they were old friends – with respect and authority, but with clear affection. Cora could have only hoped, at that time, to be treated the same.

Now, here she was, sitting in the office of her boss, having been just told that she should marry the CEO of the company she’s working for so she can stay in London. She felt like she needed more ruminating about the “brilliant idea” of the boss in question, but she figured there wasn’t really even enough time to ruminate that. It was insane. That, in her mind, should count as a red flag right? That her boss was insane?

“Well?” Rosamund started to speak, though she looked just a little bit nervous, or anxious, or maybe it was self-realization – Cora could only hope for the last. “It’s such an unmusical way of putting things, brother.” She cleared her throat and nodded anyway. Clearly, any hopes of sanity were dashed at this point. “I was suggesting a convenient marriage with a deadline…if you’re amenable, of course.”

More here or here.

[gillianthecat]

Books Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @littleragondin! I've actually been reading books again these past few weeks so I have answers now lol

hardcover or *paperback* (i am but a weak little woman and those hardcovers are heavy) // bookstore or *library* (probably I would usually say bookstore but I was going to many different libraries to study at towards the end of the semester) // standalone or *series* (really depends on my mood, but the most recent books were a series) // nonfiction or *fiction* (fiction is an indulgence, and while I'm interested in a lot of non-fiction, reading it usually feels more like work) // thriller or *fantasy* (I've never been into scary stuff) // under 300 pages or *over 300 pages* (otherwise it goes by too quickly!) // children's or *ya* (i have not connected with the YA I've read in recent years but at times I have devoured it) // friends to lovers or *enemies to lovers* (there are some amazing friends-to-lovers I adore, but I'm compelled by even mediocre enemies-to-lovers) // *read in bed* or read on the couch (either but recently it's been all in bed) // *read at night* or read in the morning (through the night and into the next morning) // *keep pristine* or markup (I don't try to actually keep books pristine, but I also never bother to mark up anything but textbooks) // *cracked spine* or dog ear (historically I read most books on one sitting, but if not I'd just search for the page again/use a random receipt as a bookmark)

Currently Reading:

I'm not in the middle of anything, but I've read more in recent weeks than I have in a long time. (Well, technically I'm in the middle of Solomon's Ransom by Corey Kerr, because I read the sample and now am waiting for the book to be released in a few weeks.)

Several months ago I got from the (physical!) library a (physical!) copy of She Who Became the Sun by Shelly Parker-Chan, and I finally finished after the semester ended, and then found an ebook of the sequel, He Who Drowned the World. (Compelling, though I think the ambitiousness of the project inevitably meant that parts of it didn't quite work.)

Then I read a bunch of romance ebooks, and even found a m/f one that I liked! Jodi McAlister's Not Here To Make Friends. (It was also the reality dating show romance I had been low-key hoping would exist.)

I also read RF Kuang's Babel: An Arcane History (which I appreciated and was provoked by, but didn't exactly love), and then read that she was inspired by/responding to Donna Tartt's The Secret History, so I reread that. (When I read it years ago my reaction was, I'm too old for this. It felt like a book you need to read in your teens or early twenties to get swept up into. My thoughts this go around were pretty much the same.) Then Kuang's Yellowface, which was also compelling.

Speaking of enemies to lovers, quite enjoyed The Sorcerer's Omega, also by Corey Kerr, which is why I'm awaiting her latest release. (The other two books in that world are also good, just not catnip for my tastes in the same way.)

And your post reminded me—I too read Love in the Big City, which was good and also unsettling in that way of most autobiographical novels about the authors fucked up twenties. Now I can go and unblock the tag and see all the fascinating discussions y'all had in your book club.

I have no idea how they'll manage to turn it into a BL (which is what I think I read is happening?). Although it's about relationships it's very much not a romance. Are they just pulling out some random plot points and building a whole new story around them? I hope they don't try to smush it into BL shape at all, and just tell the narrator's melancholy story as written.

(Oh, technically I'm in the middle of Mari Kondo's The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, but I'm not sure if I'll read any more. Other people's advice can be counterproductive at times.)

(Most most recently was a bunch of Untamed and Drarry fanfic, but I'm not counting that.)

I'm not sure who's done this already, but I'll tag @lelephantsnail, @petrichoraline and @tungtung-thanawat.

[chloecherrysip]

Just Beyond My Reach, There's Someone Reaching Back For Me (speculative mario movie fic, mario & luigi centric, around 3600 words.)

[OK SO i literally could not stop thinking about this post in the mario movie tag from last week, which turned into me trying to write out my thoughts about how the scenario could unfold, which then turned into me writing a full-fledged fanfic that's over 3,000 words long??? I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I've truly lost my common sense, but I just felt like I HAD to get this out before the movie arrives and their reunion is nothing like this in any way whatsoever.

This is a speculative fic of just one possible scenario out of millions, no actual spoilers; i'm working off info we've seen in the trailers/TV spots/promotions/etc, and all the characterization is based off those too, so it might ultimately be off-base. Please don't @ me after the movie comes out and get on my case about details being wrong! I AM IN THE PAST (and jealous of you in the future for having already seen it).

I present to you: A Version Of Mario & Luigi's Reunion in the Mario Movie That Would Cause Me Irreparable Psychic Damage.]

----

Mario hears him first. He would know that panicked yelp anywhere. 

By that point, he’s lost count of how many of Bowser’s minions he’s tried to interrogate as he fights his way through the airship. There’s so much shouting and clanging all around him, and his voice hurts from yelling loud enough to be heard over it, but he can’t stop. “Where do you keep prisoners? Have you seen someone who looks like me — but tall, skinny, and green? If you take me to him, I’ll go easy on ya, I swear—” 

it’s hard to tell if they’re just refusing to answer him, genuinely don’t know any useful information, or can’t actually communicate in a way he understands — probably some in each column. But he’s about to grab another angry Koopa by the shell and try again when there’s a commotion far off in the distance. The yell that echoes out to him is faint, but it tugs hard at Mario like a rope tied around his middle. Something from his memories, the nightmares he’s been having this whole adventure that he hasn’t told Peach and Toad about. Something instantly, certainly familiar to him in a way that few things are. 

His heart is suddenly lodged in his throat. He barrels his way past the troops and the Kongs fighting them, moving fast towards it.

The area of the airship he’s in starts to slope down further ahead, surrounding a huge open space that, judging by the flickering embers in the air and heavy heat that’s got him sweating through his shirt already, has a whole bunch of lava simmering at the bottom. On the other side of the chasm, there are a whole group of what look like angry blue penguins beating down some feisty stacks of Goombas with their bare flippers. There’s also what impossibly looks like a star, with a face and everything, beaming bright and doing twirling cartwheels in the air, giggling at the carnage underneath. And behind all that, he can see—

Mario reacts without having to think. He jolts forward against the railing, reaches a hand out, and yells as loud as he can. “LUIGI!” 

He can only see glimpses of his overalls and green hat at first amidst all the other chaos, but then pieces of the ongoing fight tumble further to either side, giving a clear view. Mario watches wide-eyed as his brother frantically swats away Goombas, shrieking and flailing his arm furiously when one snags some teeth through his sleeve until it comes loose. He looks terrified and a little queasy, but also very determined, even jumping in to help when one of the penguins gets pinned down. They seem to be working together. 

Luigi is here. He’s really here, alive and fighting and still in one piece. Mario isn’t too late. It feels like a 20 pound weight’s suddenly gone from his back that he hadn't even realized he was carrying around.

His yell is half-drowned out by the chaos, but Luigi’s head still snaps up, eyes wide and stricken and bright with recognition. “Mario?” He cries out, his voice cracking badly. He kicks another Goomba away and then starts spinning, searching the surrounding area with increasing desperation. “Mario!?” 

“Over here!” Mario wishes he had another raccoon powerup so he could just fly across the gap and reach him right then and there. He has to settle for taking off his cap and waving it in the air like a flag. “Luigi! Over here!” 

Finally, their eyes meet across the gorge. It’s not necessary at that point, but Luigi still tears off his own hat and starts flailing it around too overhead, as if just to make absolutely sure his brother knows where he is. “MARIO!” He shouts, his tired face instantly transforming into a relieved, overjoyed smile. 

“Are you okay!?” 

“Y-Yeah! I mean, define “okay,” but I, I'm not hurt or anything like — wait, how did you get here!? We’re way up in the air!”

Mario’s face already hurts from how wide he’s grinning. “Not anymore! And whaddya mean? What do ya think I’ve been doing all this time? Looking for you! You don’t think I could find you wherever you are, even if it’s a million miles in the air? Give your big bro some credit, eh?” 

A laugh bursts out of Luigi, surprised and shaky. Mario has missed that sound so much. “Right, right. I did think…I mean, I hoped, or…” His brother shakes his head, his voice failing him. He lets out a deep breath, so deep that it’s almost like he’s been holding it in ever since they were separated, still smiling like the sun. “I knew you would. Mario, you — look out!” 

Mario turns just as a hammer goes whizzing past his ear, tumbling down into the lava pit. He dodges the next one more capably and then catches the third one that comes his way. In one smooth, lightning-quick motion, he throws it back at the attacking Hammer Bro, nailing him in the face and knocking him out cold.

“Whoa!” He turns back to see Luigi staring with his mouth agape. “When did you learn how to do that?”

“It's kinda a long story!” There will be plenty of time to get into all the details about his adventure when he’s gotten Luigi safely out of an active warzone.  “What about you? I thought you were a prisoner here!” 

“I am! Or I was, I guess! We — me, and the penguins, and Lumalee,” he gestures wearily up overhead, where the blue star-thing is idly playing with a pinwheel that it somehow conjured out of thin air, “and the others — we broke out! We, ah, we’ve been trying to find a way outta here ever since, but this place is a maze and we need some kind of hot air balloon or one of those floating clown-car thingies to even get away in the first place, and—”

“Spinies at four o’clock!” One of the penguins shouts, at the same time that Mario yells “Luigi, on your left!”

Luigi jolts at the sight of the three spiky, spinning shells approaching fast. He jumps high enough to leapfrog right over them all, causing them to ricochet off the wall unexpectedly and careen off the side straight into the deep pit. 

“Nice, Weegie!” Mario cheers. “You always were the better jumper.” 

“Keep your head in the fight, soldier!” One specific penguin calls out to Luigi. He’s wearing a very fancy gold crown — probably their king? “We’re not done here yet!” 

“I know, I know, but look!” Luigi gestures excitedly across the chasm. “My brother’s here! He made it!”

“Good show! If he’s as brave as you said, he can help us beat back these dastardly troops once and for all! We’ll all see the light of day again soon!”

The rest of the penguins cheer, thrusting their flippers victoriously into the air, and then let out a wave of new, guttural battle cries. The Penguin King smiles over at Mario and salutes him before rejoining the fray. There are more of Bowser’s minions crowding the walkways on both sides, Mario realizes with a newfound wave of worry. He needs to get to Luigi now. 

“Stay right there!” He calls, starting to run alongside the railing. “Don’t move! I’m coming!”

“Are you kidding!? Wait!” Luigi starts running too, mirroring Mario. “I can meet you faster this way!” 

Mario laughs. “If you can keep up with me!” 

“You’re on!”

The road ahead of him is pure chaos, filled with attacking enemies and whooping Kongs and weapons flying every which way, but Mario runs. He runs until his heart burns, dodging and weaving, almost tripping here and there because he can’t stop looking over the gap to make sure Luigi’s still there on the other side, stumbling his way through his own gauntlet. The two areas are winding closer together, slowly but surely. They must meet somewhere. He’ll find it. He has to.

“Hey, Luigi!” He yells, breathless and happy. “Remember when we were fixing Mrs. McGrady’s sink a couple weeks ago and talking about the future? Did you imagine it’d be anything like this?” 

“Whaddya think!?” Luigi shouts back jokingly. “I-I mean, I imagined people being mad at us, but those were customers. There was definitely a lot less lava, and magic, and crazy green pipes that send you to places from your literal nightmares!” He laughs, which swiftly turns into a yelp when he has to dodge away from a red Koopa. The next words come out thicker, almost strained. “Mario, you, you’re really here, you — I missed you, I…”

Even with the distance and the distracting noise and the heavy breathing, Mario can hear the familiar tearing in his brother’s voice, and it pushes him to run faster. Luigi is so much braver than many people in their life have given him credit for, but he has a breaking point, and Mario can recognize it like the back of his own hand. Heck, he could use a good cry right about now too. They're so close. Just a little further.

He’s never been the biggest hugger — that title belongs squarely to Luigi, who always holds on a little too long, especially when Mario protests, swinging him up into the air until Mario has to grab him in a headlock and wrestle him down, both of them laughing by then — but he genuinely doesn’t know how he’s ever going to let go of his brother again once he’s within arm’s reach. 

“I missed you too! Every day!” He calls out, and if his voice cracks, well, that’s okay. “Hold on! It’s gotta be just up ahead!” There’s a solid wall coming up where they won’t be able to see each other across the way any longer, but the sharp curve of it looks extremely promising. “I’ll meet you on the other side!” 

“Okay!” 

The wall comes between them. Mario's finally in the clear, having left all the attackers in the dust. His legs and chest hurt, but it doesn’t matter. He's about to get his brother back. He feels invincible, unstoppable.

“I told you, bro!” He can’t hear Luigi at all any longer, but he shouts anyway, hoping the words reach him.  “Even if it didn’t turn out like we thought, it’s all gonna be okay! This is crazy stuff, but as long as we're—” 

Mario turns the corner and skids to a sharp stop. The words die in his throat, turning to ash.

Bowser is in front of him. 

The King of the Koopas nearly fills the entire space wall-to-wall, hulking and monstrous, even bigger than what Mario imagined. He breathes out an angry, deep growl that prickles at Mario’s skin, star-bright embers scattering in the air, the smell of burning getting stronger and stronger. But none of that is what Mario is focusing on. He’s frozen in place at the sight of Luigi, wriggling in one of Bowser’s gripped hands. A thick, scaly finger is coiled tight over his brother’s mouth too, keeping him from making any noise besides a variety of muffled, panicked sounds. 

“Thought you didn’t know him, Greenie,” Bowser says in a low voice to Luigi. “Wasn’t that what you said? Boy, you wouldn’t like what I usually do to liars. It involves fire — a lot of it.” His rows of sharp teeth part, just enough for a big exhale, tinged with molten heat. Luigi cringes, turning his head away as far as he can manage. He’s trembling. “But lucky for you, turns out you’re not entirely useless.”

It takes a moment for Mario to come back into his body, remember how to move and think. But slowly, his hands ball into fists. A voice erupts out of him that barely sounds like his own, grave and angry, angrier than he’s ever been in his life. 

“I’m only gonna say this once, ya overgrown turtle,” he says, shifting his footing into a fighting stance. “Let my brother go now.” 

Bowser looks down at him with a derisive sort of amusement for a long moment before laughing outright. "Give me a break, shortie! You’re even punier in person — 50 of you couldn't stop me. But that hasn’t stopped you from trying, has it? You and your little friends  — your pathetic excuse for an “army,” if that’s what you want to call it. But that all ends now.” 

As if on cue, Mario hears DK and a few other Kongs turn the corner, whooping and hollering, only to pause too at the sight of Bowser. “Let’s get ‘em! He can't take us all at once!” Someone says, and there’s a rush of new movement behind Mario. Bowser turns Luigi in his hand, holding him out a little closer to Mario with a shake of the wrist — a taunt. One of his claws pulls up just a little from the rest, the sharp tip arched and pressed lightly to his brother’s neck. The implication is clear. 

“Stop!” Mario shouts, half-strangled. He must sound serious enough that DK yells “hang on, hang on!” to his brethren, grabbing them with both arms and holding them back from attacking. On Bowser's other side, Mario can see the penguins watching what’s unfolding too with wide eyes. Even all the minions in the area have gone still, weapons lowered, waiting to see what Bowser does before making their next move. The space is suddenly quiet. 

The claw finally relaxes again. Luigi’s eyes are very wide, and there are tears on his face as he stares at Mario. He tries to say something, the sound of it hopelessly muffled against Bowser’s hand — an apology, or a plea, or simply Mario’s name. 

Mario is shaking. He grits his teeth hard, desperately tries to hold himself steady again. He hopes Bowser can’t see it — but there’s a gleam in the King’s eyes, and it couldn’t be any clearer that he does. 

“Do you know how long I worked on this plan?” Bowser says, his tone softer, more thoughtful all of a sudden.  “Orchestrating these invasions, gathering forces far and wide to serve me, taking the almighty power star for myself. I’ve wanted this for years!” His wide mouth curves up, plainly wicked and self-satisfied. “And now here I am, about to rule the world like I deserve, and a couple of useless, pipsqueak plumbers from who-knows-where think they’re just gonna waltz right in and ruin it for me.” Bowser chuckles to himself. It’s a dangerous, sharp-edged sound, echoing on and on. “Ain’t that a laugh, Mario?” 

Mario doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even know if he’s breathing any longer. All he can do is glare.

Bowser shrugs. The large fingers on his occupied hand flex ever so slightly, a slow, malicious ripple of movement, all the scales glinting in a wave. “You’re less fun than I thought you’d be,” he says gruffly. "What does the princess even see in you? A tiny little killjoy who loves ruining things for others. Guess it’s only fair I ruin something of yours to make us even."

There’s no further warning or fanfare. In one brutal motion, Bowser crushes his grip tighter around Luigi. His brother’s mouth is still covered, but the way he cries out is starkly, unmistakably pained. 

Mario’s vision floods with red. Something inside of him, the patient, careful part that was still desperately clinging to one last scrap of self-control, snaps cleanly in two. He runs at Bowser full-speed, fist cocked back, teeth bared. 

“I said LET HIM GO!” 

He doesn’t make it there. Bowser, grinning outright, moves so much faster than Mario would have ever guessed he could. He spins, and his tail comes out of nowhere. The impact is like an oncoming train, catapulting Mario into the nearby wall with a sickening crack.

There’s a horrible ringing sound in his ears. His head hurts. He hears Bowser laugh, followed by a roar and a burst of fire breath, awful-smelling and close enough to singe. There’s a lot of shouting, and panic, and thunderous footsteps, moving in a hurry. He can’t think any longer. Why can’t he think? All that comes to mind is—

(They’re fifteen, hiding in their bedroom with some smuggled bandages and antibiotics from the medicine cabinet because if their mom finds out Mario punched out a kid behind the school, she will LITERALLY murder him. Luigi wraps each bruised knuckle carefully as Mario winces and complains about the stinging ointment. His brother looks angrier than he’s ever seen him before, though, and that makes him quiet again in a hurry.)

“You want him so bad?” Bowser is much further away, his voice a distant rumble over the flickering flames. Get up, Mario tells himself. He’s gasping, struggling to push himself back up with useless, trembling hands. His legs feel numb. Get up! “Then come and get ‘em already!”

(“You never stop and THINK first, y’know?” Luigi shakes his head, badly trying to hide the tears budding under his eyes. “And now you’re hurt, and it’s all my fault, and — and I don’t need you to do stuff like that for me! I can handle it, e-even if you think I can’t!”) 

“Mario!” That’s Luigi, terrified and wheezing, finally able to talk again. An intentional decision by Bowser, no doubt, just to be cruel. Mario can barely hear his brother at all, and the sound of his voice keeps growing fainter. “No! Let go! MARIO!” 

(“What are you even saying? That’s not why I did it at all!” Mario insists, using his uninjured hand to flick Luigi’s nose with a few fingers. His affronted expression at that makes Mario laugh, and the motion quickly turns into them trying to be the first one to swat each other in the face without getting blocked. At least the tears are forgotten, which is what he wanted from the start. “Don’t ya get it? I know you can take care of yourself. But if anyone wants to hurt you, they’re gonna have to go through me first. I’M the big bro, and that’s just how it is forever.”) 

Luigi! 

He’s standing again, even as his body protests every pull and push of the way, even as he’s still struggling to open his eyes. Someone strong and furry offers some extra support on his right side. 

“You okay, man?” Donkey Kong asks. “Geez, that looked like it hurt. Hey, anyone have an extra mushroom?” 

Stars are flashing across his vision, but finally they fade away. There’s a line of fire in front of them like a makeshift barrier, slowly but steadily dying out. Sure enough, Bowser and Luigi are gone. Mario’s heart lurches hard against his ribs.

“Setting a devious trap for sure,” The Penguin King grouses from further away. “Using one’s own flesh and blood! Does that dastardly Koopa’s depravity know no limits?” 

“I’m fine. Never better,” Mario groans. He points past the fire. “He went that way, right?” 

DK blinks, looking a little uneasy. “Uh, yeah, but we should probably regroup first and — hey! Wait a second, you idiot!”

Mario’s already charged full-speed ahead, jumping over the flames. Others yell after him too, saying it's too dangerous, but he’s running anyway, chasing the smell of molten heat, the faint, far-off echoes of yelling that feel like pinpricks in his lungs. 

He knows it’s a trap. He knows. He just doesn’t care.

He already let Luigi literally slip through his hands once before. Heck, he isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to forgive himself for that alone. No matter where he has to go, who he has to fight, how much abuse he has to take, he's getting Luigi back right now, and he's gonna pound that overgrown bully's face until he regrets every life decision that led to him daring to hurt Mario's little brother.

It can't be too late. He can't have screwed this up again. He'll do anything. Even if...

The feeling of something on his cap startles him out of the thought — the softest boop-boop-boop, like someone very small is bouncing on it. He assumes he’s just imagining things until the blue star-thing (Lumalee?) floats down further, easily keeping up with his top speed, humming what sounds like a lullaby. Mario gawks in its direction. 

“The biggest sacrifices are often the ones that burn the brightest, out in space,” it says, bright and sing-song. “Did you know that?”

“What are you even talking about!?” Mario yells. “Sorry, but I’m a little busy here!” 

It’s unbothered by that, twirling close enough to give his mustache a little, playful poke. “Not existing any longer is natural, inevitable. We all go into the light someday.” The way it’s staring at Mario is unnerving, as though this little, creepy star knows exactly what he was just thinking about. “You look scared of that. Are you?” 

Mario swallows thickly. 

“No,” he says. “If that’s the only way, then…” His eyes are burning at the edges, just a little. “If the people I love are safe, then it doesn’t matter what happens to me.”

Lumalee smiles a dreamy, thoughtful smile.

“Oh,” it sighs, little more than a breath. “This is going to be so much fun.” 

And then it floats away. 

Mario doesn’t have time to stop and wonder what that was all about. He throws himself deeper and deeper into the airship, even when a heavy metal gate slams down behind him to separate him from the others, even when the slabs of rock under his feet sink down into the lava from the weight and don’t resurface, erasing any way out. Mario thinks of his training, of Princess Peach and Toad cheering him on, of the exhilaration and hope he felt looking out over the Rainbow Road, of Luigi smiling in the warp zone right before they were ripped apart. He steels himself for what’s coming next.

Further ahead, he hears his brother call out for him.

Mario runs.

[galadhir]

Tagged by @aintgonnatakethis and @judgeverse

Thank you! :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

88

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

802,066

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I'm a serial monogamist as far as fandoms go, concentrating on one at a time until I move on to the next. Over the past 15 years I've written

Star Wars (Prequel trilogy - all about Qui-Gon Jinn)

Tolkien fandom (all about Celeborn)

Pirates of the Caribbean (started off with Commodore Norrington/Jack Sparrow, couldn't make it work for me and jumped sideways into Norrington and Lt. Gillette)

Marvel - (the Thor movies reactivated a nascent fascination with Loki, so I dragged a whole bunch of mythology into the MCU fandom.)

Stargate Universe (all about Colonel Young)

Star Wars (Sequel trilogy - all about General Hux)

The Untamed (all about Jin Guangyao)

I've also done a couple of little shorts for Torchwood, Motive and Talented Mr Ripley

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Kindness Repaid - in which Loki and Captain America become friends

Supervillain Honeymoon - someone wrote a fic in response to A Kindness Repaid in which Loki and Steve got married, so I had to write a fic in response to that, in which I figured out how the Asgardians and the Avengers would take the news

The Same Last Name and the Same Coloured Eyes - in which Jin Zixuan decides to be a good big brother to Jin Guangyao, and averts most of the tragedy of The Untamed as a result

Defying His Doom - in which Doctor Doom inspires Loki to improve his public image, and they end up winning a Nobel Peace Prize.

Stepping Stones - an epic Stargate Universe fic I wrote with @seekingidlewild, in which an accident with the communication stones leaves Rush and Young bodyswapped and all communication from Earth cut off

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course I do! I've met all my best fandom friends by chatting with them in the comments of fic (mine and theirs.) Also who doesn't love talking to people about their writing?

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I tend to avoid angsty endings if I can. That said, it's probably Battle of the Golden Wood which ends with Galadriel and Celeborn saying goodbye, as she leaves Middle-earth and he refuses to follow.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hard to say - I tend to make them all as happy as possible. If I can save the world at the same time, I'll do that too. Maybe Seeds of Old Trees, which gets Celeborn and Galadriel back together and sets Tolkien's elves on a path towards a future of exploring outer space.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have had some rude and entitled comments. People trying to convince me that my blorbo is actually a terrible person who should be locked up (SGU) or that my understanding of the lore is faulty (Tolkien) and therefore I should have written a different story from the one I actually wrote. But I wouldn't really call that hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Heh, it's funny. I came into fanfic repressed and writing gen. Then I unpacked the repression, had about ten years writing slash, during which I discovered the queer community, wrestled with God and came out as an asexual queer Christian. Then I leaned into the asexuality and ended up writing gen again.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

In general I don't, but the craziest one is also the only one I've written - Strange Meetings in which Qui-Gon crash lands in Middle-earth and meets Legolas. They were going to go to the drowned ruins of Doriath and recover a Silmaril, but I lost interest after a couple of chapters.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

The same last name and the same coloured eyes has been translated into Russian, and I think one of my Tolkien fics was translated into Chinese, but that was on a non-Ao3 site.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Absolutely! I wrote a number of Elu Thingol/Celeborn fics in the Tolkien fandom with Mirien, and Stepping Stones (where Rush and Young are bodyswapped, and Skipping Stones (where Young is age-regressed into a child) with @seekingidlewild

I loved it! It's a great experience writing with someone whose writing you already enjoy. Lots of bouncing ideas off each other and excitement - and of course it's half as hard and twice as fast as doing it all yourself.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I don't think I have one. I'm honestly a single blorbo at a time writer, and I will read and write fics in which that blorbo is paired with just about anyone. I'm not particularly bothered which ship they're in.

I do have a soft spot for Rush/Young though, because they have such in-your- face dysfunctional obsessional chemistry on the show. And in contrast I also love Xiyao (Lan Xichen/Jin Guangyao) because they are so obviously in such a gentle, radiant sort of love, that I choose to believe would have survived the revelation of Jin Guangyao's multiple murders.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I would have said Do Not Bear Grudges, which was going to be my JGY resurrection fic, but it fought me so hard that I ended up deleting what I'd already written and I'm glad to have it gone.

I still vaguely wish that I had finished The Stolen Ones however, which was about Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi and was jossed by the Jedi Apprentice books. (I still think mine was better.)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at description/settings/worldbuilding, and I often have an unusual take on things due to my non-neurotypicalness.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm not great at giving each character their own unique voice, so my dialogue can get a bit samey. Also I forget that characters can lie - all my characters pretty much tell the truth all the time, which makes it difficult writing the kind of sneaky characters I so love, like Loki, JGY later movies!Hux and even Rush.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I could not do it. Massive respect and kudos to anyone who writes in a second language. It is beyond me.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, when it first came out. The internet was on dial-up and fandom was on yahoo groups. It was the first time in my life I'd ever been able to speak to other sci-fi geeks like myself. An amazing experience, and good times!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I know it's cheating a bit to choose more than one, but these three hang together as a series, telling the story of Celeborn and Galadriel from first meeting, to tragic parting and final reunion Oak and Willow, Battle of the Golden Wood, and Seeds of Old Trees. At about 140,000 words, it's a good size novel. And of all the characters I've stanned over the years I still feel Celeborn needed me the most. (Though Colonel Young comes a close second there.)

tagging @seekingidlewild @darthlenaplant @darthnostra @wyomingnot @gamebird

and anyone else who wants to have a go! :)

[demonic-snake]

Zolu💅

Fanfic💘

5 part 🌞

Zoro mentally thanked him. He gave only fleeting glances when Zoro fell asleep again, or when he left to train at night. Most likely, everything proceeded from the fact that Law was not part of their team, and he did not know anyone well enough to understand whether everything was happening at their normal pace, or if someone was just skillfully playing their usual role.

And dreams are always different. Everything always happened differently, in different environments, with different colors. One thing remained unchanged. Zoro's weakness and Luffy affected by it.

Zoro never complained about heart problems, however, after such dreams, his heart brought such pain that even Zoro's habitually indifferent face was too frowning,and the lips are tightly compressed. That was probably the first time he spoke to Lo.

Lo doctor, he will help. You can't go to Chopper - he does not Know the essence of the problem, and Zoro is sure that this is all connected with sleep. Lo saw it all from the beginning.

"Deal with your fears, Zoro-ya. - lf only this guy knew how annoying his "-l" is. "This is the root of the whole problem. I'm not helping you here. I am a doctor, not a psychologist.

Zoro swears softly under his breath, pulling out a mean "okay" and a even quieter "thank you", trying to sleep again. It ended, of course, with another nightmare and a whole night of training.

During the day the deck was unusually empty. It only showed Luffy reading some book from Law's library and Zoro himself trying to sleep. He catches heavy footsteps in the direction of his capitain and an overly quiet whisper out of the corner of his ear. Again steps, already past him. Luffy and Zoro were left alone.

Zo-o-o-ro-o-o-o! Luffy jumps of the lion's head and draws attention to himself. Zoro opens his eyes and eloquently remains silent. - Enough to sleep, get up!

Zoro frowns more than usual, and Luffy frowns back. Childishly cute and funny.

When Zoro closes his eye, Luffy suddenly stretches his lips into a sly smile, climbs back onto the lion's head, but comes to the very edge. Too dangerous for a fruit grower. Too dangerous even for the average person.

- Zo-ro! - He calls again. Zoro twitches in annoyance, opens his eyes with a deep frown, then in suprise, and then frowns again. Something between fear, panic, anger and surprise flickers in his eyes.

- Get out of there! Luffy laughs. Loud. Zoro becomes uncomfortable. Get off, I said! "Don't be a bore, Zoro! Look!

Luffy waves at him as if to greet him, then jumps sideways to avoid getting directly under the ship. Zoro jumps up, drops his katanas as he goes, and runs to the side. Halfway through, he hears a splash and the sudden cessation of the laughter of the bad capitain.

-Your mother, idiot!

It jumps afafter him, barely having time to draw air into his lungs, and stubbornly swims down, tring to find the body sinking like an ax with his eye. When Luffy is not seen for the first few seconds, Zoro begins to openly panic, and his heart constricts again, causing Zoro to clutch his chest with one hand. Then he let go when a stupid straw hat came into view, and under it the capitain's body became visible.

As Luffy falls to the deck and Zoro follows him, he laughs. Everything is also loud and familiar, as if he had not just drowned, almost falling under the bottom of the Sunny.

[zyrafowe-sny]

Thanks for the tag, @grey-automa!

EDIT: I think @violet-prism-creatively also tagged me in this a very long time ago (had to do some digging in my Tumblr notifications).

were you named/named yourself after anyone?

My middle name is my maternal grandmother's first name. All of her children (my uncle included) had her first name as their middle name, and a good chunk of her grandkids do too.

when was the last time you cried?

A few months back when I was visiting a place I knew I wouldn't return to again in a while - I was a combination of extremely overheated, hormonal, frustrated with people with me, nostalgic, and overcome by the passage of time. I don't think I cry all that often, but enough happened to stack at once that it came out as tears.

do you have kids?

I have roommates who are significantly shorter and younger than me.

do you use sarcasm a lot?

Never ever

what's the first thing you notice about people?

This feels like a question Spencer Tracy asked Katharine Hepburn in Desk Set.

Uhh... rough relative height/age? whether they are trying to actively engage with me or are just going about their day?

what's your eye colour?

dark brown

any special talents?

I can read non-technical English with solid comprehension faster than most people I've encountered (back in high school, I could read the same short story twice in the time we were given in class to read it once, and I always need to wait for my partner to catch up when we're reading the same thing).

scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, I guess? Not a big fan of scary movies.

where were you born?

about an hour from where my parents lived because they were paranoid and wanted a bigger hospital (my mom was considered old for a first-time mom at *gasp* 30 and they had trouble getting pregnant)

what are your hobbies?

I got back into writing fanfic after a long hiatus (thanks to Thanks to Them). I also sing in a community choir. There was a stretch when I was a little more outdoorsy (though never hardcore), but that's scaled back substantially.

have any pets?

Don't feel up for the responsibility right now. Maybe someday - my living situation is more pet friendly than it used to be - but I'm already drowning in home stuff and don't think a pet would help.

I did have a dog as a kid, but he passed away fairly young when I was in middle school.

what sport do you play/have you played?

I did marching band all through high school, if that counts. I like to ski but it's expensive and a 3-5 hour drive in reasonable weather. I don't ice skate nearly as much as I probably could/should (not sure where my skates are). My partner and I took some sea kayaking lessons once upon a time and I'd like to try that again, but it's not cheap and would be hard to fit in our schedules.

how tall are you?

5'7"

favourite subject at school?

That all depends so much on the teacher and exact class. I really enjoyed my high school physics/AP Physics teacher and even considered a major in physics/astro along with a social science major (am a hopeless generalist), but really didn't like my professors or classmates in college. (I have any regrets that I didn't push through because I like the notion of more women in STEM, but oh well.)

My favorite class as an undergrad was probably anthro of food - it had interesting readings and I got to interview people for a research paper (probably my favorite college assignment).

In grad school, I took a great class on human rights that's colored how I see many policy issues.

dream job?

I wish I knew.

I like: being useful, asking questions, figuring out answers to questions/analyzing things, figuring out how to best communicate answers to things, switching between more quantitative and qualitative work, being able to be just the right amount of stimulated between the work itself and/or any background media, being able to body double (I do well with cubicles/shared offices and less well when I'm in a room by myself), working more on deliverables than project/people management and presenting, and getting several-hour blocks when I'm allowed to just focus and only be interrupted by the most urgent fires.

I might have burned out badly in a past job when also going through some other personal stuff.

I'll be job hunting for the first time in a while probably inside the next year, and am dreading it.

no pressure tagging: @abstract-moth @thegrimshapeofyoursmile @enigma-the-mysterious/@sir-ballister-boldheart @childlikegoblinqueen @sercezgazety

And of course anyone else who wants to.

I turned off reblogs because some of this information approaches personally identifying, but feel free to copy-paste the questions into your own post!

[msmargaretmurry]

11, 18, 20 please?

11. Link your three favorite fics right now.

augh okay so, i have not been reading a ton of fic this summer? i've been in a big books mood. i have like 50 hockey fics open in tabs that i will very likely be injecting directly into my brain the moment grad school kills the part of me that can read books for pleasure. i share this because i assume the people want hockey fic recs but tragically i don't really have any i haven't linked before, so this these are some old non-hockey favorites that i've very recently revisted for reasons.

By Small and Small by luxover — band of brothers, babe/roe, teen, 43k, constantly returning to this fic to bask in how masterfully done the modern au is in a fandom where i usually hate modern aus!

And like the cycle of the year, we begin again by katherynefromphilly — bbc merlin, arthur/merlin, mature, 207k, the ending to that godforsaken tv show that we deserved, once every 2–3 years i go into a fugue state and reread this whole thing and apparently that is where i am right now 🥴

Hunger by Helenish — the bear, carmy/richie, mature, 3.3k, obviously after s2 of the bear i had to reread!!

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

usually during the writing process, but sometimes after i have a draft, and sometimes when i have opened the ao3 new work page to post. for short fics it's usually just a lyric or quote that i think kinda encapulates the theme of the fic (a time-honored fanfic tradition). for longer fics, i usually have an idea of what kind of vibe i want the title to have long before i'm done writing, so workshopping title ideas becomes a fun little procrastination activity for when i should be writing but am not writing. with tnno, i knew all along that the title would be tnno; with haw, i didn't title it until i had the ao3 posting page open — both of those have titles that are references within the fics themselves as opposed to references to outside things (although "the next next one" is obviously also stolen from the hockey media). i don't know whomst among my tumblr friends has read any of my non-hockey stuff but "come and make the hymns of you" is a walt whitman reference and one of my favorite titles i've used. "the very best of" is a reference to career retrospective albums (e.g. "the very best of fleetwood mac").

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

oh yes very much so, haha. my characters love to have important conversations in the kitchen or in the middle of the night or in the kitchen in the middle of the night. i love metaphors, i love symbolism. there's always gonna be some fuckin symbolism. weather metaphors. themes-wise, my characters are constantly learning to trust themselves and trust the people who love them. they're always convincing themselves that they're content with what they have while actively drowning in yearning. i KNOW i have words/expressions that appear a lot but i'm kind of blanking right now. probably like, the physical sensations of emotion. tightness in the chest and lumps in the throat and turning stomachs all that 😂

[semperama]

10 and 18 🙏🙏🙏

Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

To me, if I said a piece of writing "haunted" me, it would just mean that I cannot stop thinking about it/am obsessed with it to an unreasonable or unsettling degree, and yeah, that happens to me with other people's writing all the time!! Both with published fiction and also with fanfic. It's so basic of me, but I definitely felt that way after reading The Secret History by Donna Tartt, and also My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante. And probably others too, but those are the two books that first come to mind when it comes to things that consumed my every waking thought for days after I read them.

For my own writing, hmm. I feel like when I'm haunted by my own writing, it's only during the writing process, and it has a more negative connotation. I often get this feeling where I'm obsessed with the world and the idea of what I'm writing, but when I'm in that phase, I'm usually failing at actually putting words on the page, probably BECAUSE I'm overthinking. I'll lay awake at night drowning myself in little scenarious, but never actually write them down, or when I try to write them down, they don't live up to my imagination. That's a bad place to be!! As fun as it is to be consumed by something like that, I definitely don't do my best work when it's happening.

Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

Oh dear!! I'm so bad at these commentary things, mostly because, as I hinted at above, I think I do my best writing when I'm not thinking too hard about it, so it's often hard for me to go back and talk about how I came up with things or my thought process behind it, because...ideally I wasn't having too many thoughts! But I guess I'll attempt to talk about the opening paragraphs of A Praise Chorus:

Max gives him a birthday card. The envelope is blue, and Daniel thumbs it open carefully to find a picture of two cats in party hats and a hand-scrawled message inside about how he’s over the hill. He laughs and pulls Max into a hug, his mind racing a mile a minute about how—It’s weird, right? It’s so weird. The only people who send him cards anymore are his parents. No one else here got him anything. A lot of them have probably already forgotten it’s his birthday, too focused on their own plans for the weekend, getting laid or getting high.

“Thanks, man,” he says, squeezing Max’s shoulder as they break apart. He can’t look him in the eye. Something itches between his shoulder blades, where Max’s palm rested for maybe a second too long. “Let’s get a drink, huh?”

“I got it,” Max says. Daniel scoffs and waves him off, but later he catches Max slipping a credit card into the hand of a passing waiter. He’s a fucking kid, not even 20 for a couple more months, not even through his second year of F1, and Daniel can afford to buy his own bottles. But Max catches his eye and gives a thumbs up, two bright spots of red high on his cheeks that Daniel would think were sunburn if he didn’t know better.

So, I've recently talked about how the idea of the birthday card saved this fic, because I was totally lost about how to begin it when I first started writing. I originally was trying to open the fic with Max doing the shoey, but I think the reason it wasn't working is because that wouldn't freak Daniel out enough. Which is a weird thing to say about a guy drinking champagne from a shoe, but ultimately I think that's the kind of thing a guy can shrug off as just guys being dudes, you know? Whereas showing up to a San Tropez birthday party with a card of all things is just uncanny enough to send Daniel into a crisis, lol.

I think the part where Max insists on paying for the drinks really drives it home, because again, it'd be totally normal for your buddy-pal to insist on buying you drinks on your birthday, but since Daniel is already off-kilter, it takes on a different kind of meaning for him. I think it sets the tone for the rest of the fic, where Daniel starts to question what's normal and what's not and what it is he's actually feeling. The road to untangling his denial had to start with something he couldn't deny--the birthday card and how it made him feel--and then suddenly it became harder for him to cope with even normal friend stuff.

I hope all that rambling made sense, ahaha. Like I said, I'm bad at this!!

[marycorleone]

The Girl Paratrooper - Joe Liebgott X F! OC - Chapter IV

Face claim: Kaya Scodelario as Mary Corleone

Bill and Mary organize the first Easy reunion, in 1947. All the boys are invited, including Lieb, what make show up emotions that Mary swore was hidden in her heart. At the same time, Bill meets Leigh Spencer, the girl who make him alive during the war, before Mary approach him.

@msmercury84 as Leigh Spencer. This character was created by her. Visit her profile and see her fanfic 🤗😉

1947

Bill started to organize Easy Reunions and that was the first year.

Mary invited all the boys and girls who served with her and Bill and inspite of the problems with her marriage, she was trying to be happy.

The hardest part of all was to invite Lieb, cause of all they lived together, but Bill said him was an important part of Easy's memories, so she send an invitation for that boy.

In the great day, the boys started to arrive in the saloon. The couple saw Babe Heffron with his wife, Dick Winters, Lewis Nixon, Ronald Speirs (this really make them surprised).

"It's an honor, sir." Mary Saluted her captain.

"All right." He replied with a sad smile. "How are your leg, Bill?"

"I'm fine. Mary helps me a lot."

A few seconds later, Chuck Grant arrived. Mary ran to her old friend.

"Chuck! I miss you! I'm so glad you came!"

"Mary! I'm so sorry. I couldn't come your wedding."

"Oh, no problem!" She looked for Bill, that made a hand gesture. "We know you still recovering, and we also know we got married so fast."

"It's so good to be here, with all the Easy" He replied.

"Come on. Let's find a table for you!" Mary took him for take a seat with George Luz and Frank Perconte.

That moment bill saw a girl arriving and got disturbed. She was Leigh Spencer. Looked like she also got disturbed case her tried escape from him.

"Wait!" He called. "I remember you. You're..."

"Leigh, the songbird of Easy. I was from I Company, but I for transferred to Easy. It was after your..."

Her look died while she looked for his leg.

"Good night! You came to sing for us. Right?" Mary approached.

"Yeah. Where I'll sing?"

"On that stage! C'mon!" Mary took her to the stage, and Bill can't stop thinking about her.

After Bill feel his heart ache, it was Mary's time when Joe Liebgott finally arrive.

"Good night" He wished to Mary that was with Leigh on the stage. Leigh realized that was something between them, and she remembered the night when Chuck was shot. It was obvious there was a feeling between Mary and Joe Liebgott, but she got married with Bill. No, probably there was nothing and she was creating things in her mind cause she was crazy for Bill Guarnere since the Toccoa.

No. Bill Guarnere got married with THAT girl and all her needed to do was to accept this fact and limited herself to do what she came for: sing for the company that was welcomed her.

"Take a seat and don't even look for me!" Mary said Lieb.

"Mary, I'd..."

"Stay away from me! Now I'm married and I love my husband!" She said lower before to go to seat along Bill.

During Leigh's concert, Mary looked behind and saw Lieb looking for her. What the fuck she had with her life? She didn't love Bill. It was only a friendship. A strong friendship that she had confused with a love. Shit! Why Joe had made that one with their relationship? Why he cheated on her?

Bill looked his wife's face, that was drowning in tears.

"What happened?"

"I'm not fine. I want to leave here. Please, let's go to home, Bill. I'm just not fine."

"Calm down, Mary." He asked lower. "What happened? Tell me. You wanted more anxious for this reunion than me."

"I thought I'd be happy with all the Easy together again, but I'm not. I want to leave here."

Before he could hold her, Mary get up, got her bag and leave the saloon.

"Shit!" Bill cursed.

Then he observed Leigh singing again and remembered when he first met her, still in Toccoa. Why he allowed himself to get married with a girl who him didn't love?

"It was done. I already got married and now there is nothing I can do about it. I'm a married man!" He tried to convince himself. Leigh started to sing a romantic song, and again he remembered the great times him spent with her. "Shit! Why I done it?"

Mary was crying outside when George Luz approached.

"Mary? Oh, Mary. Why?" He hug her. They always are good friends, but Mary couldn't tell him what was passing in her heart. I'm other hand, Luz looked already know.

"It's him. Right? Oh, Mary. Chuck told me you told him that you and Bill got married so fast. That's right. It was so fast. You thought get married would make you forget Lieb. But now you saw him and..."

"Luz, please. I'm so fucked with all this shit. Just keep hugging me. Please?" She was still crying.

"Right. You have a right to cry."

"Mary?" Another voice broke up the silence. It was Lieb.

"No! I have nothing to talk to you!"

"Mary, please. You can divorce of him. I KNOW you don't love Bill. I still love you!" He begged.

"I think I should leave you talk alone." Luz said.

"Luz, stay here. Please."

"Luz, I'd appreciate you really leave us talk." Lieb asked.

"I'm into the saloon, Mary." He saluted Mary and returned to the reunion.

"Now we've lots of to talk each other." Joe Liebgott affirmed.