#gravitylukasmatsson

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Two

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Warnings: none

Chapters: One, Two

Summary: You meet Lukas again when you’re in Italy for your mother’s wedding.

Chapter Two

You were oblivious.

Roman had made a number of comments about how Lukas wanted to fuck you ever since that night. Of course, you denied them. You didn't believe that they could be true.

You had a small reprieve from the comments Roman made at the wedding of your mother. You were out by the pool with your legs dipped in the water while you soaked up the sun. You had your bathing suit on along with a pink long sleeve crochet dress that acted as a coverup for the bathing suit.

You didn't even know why you put your bathing suit on. It wasn't like you planned to get in the water. You couldn't or else everyone would know. Everyone would see. And people couldn't know because no one would ever understand.

You suppose you wore the bathing suit to make people think you would get in the water; to not raise suspicions. But it wasn't like anyone particularly paid attention to you. Even your own mother had been surprised to see you like she'd suddenly realized she had another daughter.

"Oh," Caroline felt her eyes widen. "Ella. I wasn't sure if you'd be coming."

"Of course I'd come. Why wouldn't I? It's your big day," you had a small, excited smile. You loved weddings. You supposed you liked to see other people happy even if you couldn't be.

"Well, you know..." Caroline trailed off. She and Uncle Ewan were the only other ones that knew where you had been for a year, what had happened, what had changed.

And your mother changed the subject. "But I am so happy you're here, dear. You seem a bit happier, don't you? Well, I'm sure all this sun will cheer anyone right up. You'll try and get some, won't you?"

The topic of happiness made you uncomfortable. Whenever you thought of the word happy, not one thing popped up in your head that made you happy. Sure you had everything you could ever want but you didn't have what you needed; you had fleeting moments of joy but not the bliss that settled deep into the bones. Your bones were not weighed down by it and your brain did not comprehend it.

But you smiled, "Yes, Mom."

So that was what you did: spent time in the sun. You never really were a sunny weather type person. It was too hot, too bright, and you felt like you were going to melt away and no one would even notice. No, you liked the rain and the chill and the cold.

Luckily, you didn't have to spend too long in the sun. Roman came to get you and practically dragged you with him, telling you that they were going to see Lukas.

Roman had been ordered to take you. He had told their father about how Lukas liked you. After the tweet fiasco, he wanted Roman to go talk to the man and he wanted you brought along.

"Bring your sister with you."

So here you were, still in your bathing suit and coverup dress to see Lukas. You kept tugging at the dress, trying to make it longer than it was. It only went just below your butt and you felt very self-conscious. And it also didn't feel right going to see someone you barely knew in a bathing suit.

"You could have at least let me change," you pouted at Roman as they sat in the boat that sped across the water.

"Why? Lukas will love it," Roman smirked a little.

"Roman! He does not want to...you know," you said quietly like it was a sin to speak any louder about the subject of sex.

"You can't even say it. That's cute."

You huffed and ignored him. You didn't know why Roman had to make so many lewd comments about Lukas wanting to "fuck" her. It was like he was obsessed with it. You didn't understand.

It didn't take long before the boat was docked at the house in Switzerland that Lukas owned. The water was a bit choppy and the boat was rocking a bit. Roman had difficulty getting out of the boat and Lukas even offered his hand to him which made you giggle a bit when Roman slapped it away.

When it was your turn, you did take his hand as you smiled, "Hi, Lukas."

"Ella," he grinned.

You stared at him noticing that in the sunlight he had haunting blue eyes, cold eyes that made you feel like a burning heat had sparked in your veins. It was a conundrum. And when he said your name so delicately, you felt a fluttering in your stomach. You didn't know what it was. Did you eat something you weren't supposed to?

"Have you slept any better?" you asked as they walked forward while he placed a hand on your back to guide you. Your dress was backless and you shivered a bit when he touched you but didn't say anything. You didn't notice his eyes were all over you now that you were slightly in front of him.

Your legs were on full display and your dress had a massive v-neck which showed your cleavage. It was like dangling a piece of gold in front of him and expecting him not to grab it. It was so obvious why Logan sent her but Lukas didn't really give a fuck. His eyes could drink you in and no one could stop him.

"Without your pretty fucking voice, no," he replied.

You blushed red.

He continued, "So I hear you have this, uh, wedding?"

"Yeah. For my mom."

"Do you have a date?"

"No."

"Do you want one?" his eyes peered at you intensely.

You blinked, catching onto what he was saying. You shook your head slowly, "You'd just ignore me in favor of my dad. He's like...gravity."

He grinned and looked at you like you were amusing, "You're funny to think that someone could ignore you."

You stared at him then. You thought your heart stopped beating, hanging onto his words. They didn't compute in your brain. Everyone ignored you. Didn't he know that? Was he saying he wouldn't?

Your eyes caught onto Roman looking between you two. You had almost forgotten he was there. You visibly stepped back from Lukas which made him frown slightly.

"Um, so I think my brother wants to ask you about some tweet thing," you changed subjects.

"Some tweet thing?" he raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah," you put your hands on your hips. "Apparently, you're in big trouble over there."

"Am I?" he smiled.

His smile made your heart jump. Why was that? What was going on? You merely nodded shyly with a small smile.

"What my sister is trying to say is that the tweet just didn't look great," Roman interjected.

"No?" Lukas asked.

You kind of spaced out after that as Roman started to talk to Lukas about some deal. You stared out at the ocean and listened to the slow, steady sound of the waves.

You wanted to draw the ocean and the mountains and the whole landscape. You'd always been good at drawing but you hadn't done it in years. You went to art school once but after only a year your father convinced you to give it up in favor of business school. You sighed.

Soon, Roman got your attention and you followed after him back to the boat. You looked at Lukas once you got to the dock.

"Bye, Lukas," you smiled.

"If you ever need a date, feel free to call me," Lukas gazed at you with his hands in his pockets.

Your breath got stolen and your cheeks reddened again. You struggled to form words, "Oh...um, okay. Alright."

Your brain finally caught up to the moment and logic came to the surface. You furrowed your eyebrows, "But what if you're not free when I need you?"

"I'll be free," he promised.

Then he kissed your cheek before helping you into the boat by holding your hand. You were sure you looked like a tomato at this point. Maybe your mother was right; you needed more sun. If you were tan, it would hide more of the red than your pale cheeks did.

Once you were in the boat and sitting by your brother, it took off. Roman looked at you strangely, "What did you do to make him like you so much?"

"He doesn't like me that much," you replied. You were sure that Lukas was just being nice and polite. He would ignore her, too, one day.

"Are you crazy? Yes, he does. Which is actually fucking insane. You do your weird little trances. You're like a kooky fucking wallflower," Roman said before he chuckled. "But, yeah, I guess, it's cute sometimes."

You frowned and tears stung your eyes. You turned your head from him and ignored him.

"What? Did I hurt your feelings?" Roman said but he chuckled lightly. "Come on, El. You are fucking weird but it's okay because I love you, alright? There, I said it. Can you get over it now?"

You glanced at Roman before sniffling. Your lip trembled as you spoke, "Don't call me weird."

"Alright. Fine," Roman rolled his eyes. After a moment, he spoke again. "He does like you, though."

You huffed. Not this again. But Roman didn't say anything more on the topic of Lukas liking her.

What you didn't know is that you had missed something in your "kooky" trance. In your space out, you had missed Lukas saying he wanted the best of everything while staring at you.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Three

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Warnings: reader has signs of depression and suicidal ideation throughout story

Chapters: One, Two, Three

Summary: Ella takes Lukas up on his offer to be her date to another wedding

When they got back to Italy, the four siblings staged an intervention for Kendall. He had "fallen" off his floaty into the pool and nearly drowned. When you saw him approach all of you, you immediately stood and hugged him, "Kendall, are you okay?"

"Yeah, El. I'm fine," he patted your back and, again, peeled you off of him.

You took your seat again, a little bit dejected. Kendall took in the rest of his siblings as he questioned, "What is this? Is this an intervention?"

When he learned it was an intervention of sorts, he became defensive. "Why do you get to do an intervention on me? I mean, if anyone in our family needs an intervention, it's, and I'm sorry, but it's El here with her little space outs. Which, by the way, why do you do that?"

You had been playing with the sleeve of your shirt, debating on telling them, showing them. But that thought was immediately snuffed out as your eyes stung with tears.

"El, I'm sorry. That was...out of line."

You had thought, finally, that you'd be able to relate to one of your siblings now even if it was in a morbid way. But you realized that no one wanted to relate to you. You were considered the "odd" one and no one would ever like that. Your jaw clenched and your eyes grew steely.

"I already had my intervention when Dad sent me away to Uncle Ewan. Or did he not tell you?" you revealed as you stood up, your chair screeching as you did so.

"Wait, El..." Shiv said softly.

But you stormed off. You could hear Connor defend you as you did so.

"What the Hell is wrong with you? That's your sister who loves you. She's been waiting to hug you all day, too, and this is how you treat her..."

You didn't hear the rest of it as you got further away. You didn't want to. You kept trying to make them see you but perhaps you were never meant to be seen. You would have to make do with the background, fading in and out.

All of your siblings came to apologize, though, which made you think that maybe you were seen. Connor came to console you and gave you a giant bear hug. Roman had come to apologize as well; you had never seen him so serious before.

"I do like to take things too far but that doesn't mean I want you to disappear. You know that, right?"

Roman was giving you those big, puppy eyes and you couldn't help but forgive him. Shiv visited you, too, and talked to you about being sent off to Uncle Ewan.

"You just needed a little detox, right? I get it," Shiv smiled.

You had smiled back but Shiv did not get it. It seemed like only Roman understood what you meant when you said you had an intervention; but Roman had also noticed you picking with your sleeves constantly. He had decided to be a bit nicer to you.

Kendall apologized as well. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. Can we just forget about it?"

This was a familiar song and dance now that you were back in the house of cards. You had a habit of forgiving them and they had a habit of taking you for granted (except Connor). You didn't know if you would ever break the streak. Some part of you didn't want to because that would mean letting go and you didn't want to let go quite yet; you needed people even if they weren't the right people to be in your life.

_____

Once the wedding was over, you barely communicated with your family. Your three siblings were off trying to start their own business after being betrayed by their father because he was selling but you didn't see what the big issue was.

So you were left alone. Well, sort of. You had started to get close to Lukas. You had started to communicate with Lukas. He had gotten your number and was now regularly talking to you. You liked it.

You never had any problems with sleeping like Lukas did. In fact, you slept too much but you still always felt tired. Then you'd wake up to photos Lukas sent you of himself with random goofy filters.

It made you smile and you felt a bit more energetic. He seemed to have enough energy for the both of them; a restlessness that kept him up and moving unlike you that found it hard to even get out of bed.

You were getting better about it, especially, with the help you took in the morning every morning. You didn't like it. It made things dull but it was better than feeling nothing like a vacuum sucked out all your feelings and left you empty.

But there was a certain brightness you started to feel because of Lukas. It seemed all the chaotic energy he contained carried over to you and made you feel a bit more bright.

Lukas would also send you photos throughout the day of what he was doing like him at work, him on his laptop, him listening to a podcast, etc. He seemed to want you involved in everything and it made you feel a twinge of bliss. To be involved, to be wanted, to be needed. It felt nice.

Lukas constantly asked you what you were doing but you were more shy. You were not photogenic. You didn't even have any social media. You were not sending him one photo no matter how many times he pestered you for one.

You were fine with telling Lukas what you were doing; each time he asked, you always were in bed. So that was you said, in bed. He had started to question it in their texts.

Why are you always in bed? What do you do?

What a bed is used for: sleep

That's not all a bed is used for

His response left you with red cheeks and you had gasped. You left him on read and stayed silent. You didn't know how to respond. He ended up responding again and changed the subject.

You sleep a lot then

I like sleep

do you sleep well?

Yes and no; I'm never refreshed

Why not?

I'm just not

He had left it at that. You had learned that Lukas was quite pushy; he always wanted to know everything. He had zero boundaries but he quickly learned where yours was whenever you would leave him on read in their texts. You become shy and silent and he knew then there was a boundary he crossed. He had to reel you back in by diving into another subject and you liked that he never failed to do so; he didn't grow tired of you like you thought that he would. Like everyone else seemed to do.

But it had been a month and he hadn't grown tired of you. You ended up hearing from Lukas one day in the morning. He had called you while you were lying in bed on your stomach eating chocolate for breakfast. You loved chocolate; the artificial sweetness seemed to fill your heart and make you feel giddy.

"What are you doing?" he immediately wanted to know.

"I'm lying on my bed."

"The number of times you say that you're in bed makes me think you want me to join you. Do you?"

Your cheeks reddened and you choked a little bit. Your heart stuttered before you uttered a response, "I-No. I'm eating breakfast."

He hummed and you just knew that he was grinning, "In bed?"

"Yes. So?"

"What are you eating?"

"Chocolate."

"For breakfast?"

You swallowed guiltily, "Don't you dare say anything."

You heard him chuckle and your heart skipped a beat. You sighed softly before you hesitated, "I have to ask you something."

"Okay. Sounds ominous."

It had been a month since he had offered and you weren't sure if the offer was still on the table. It made you nervous. You swallowed.

"Um, one of my friends is getting married and...I need a date. Can you still be..."

"Yes," he answered automatically and a smile erupted on your face.

You felt giddy and you didn't say anything for a moment as you reveled in your little victory. You were kind of lost in your own head as the word yes echoed around. He wanted to be your date. He said yes. He wanted to be there for you.

"So are you going to tell me when this wedding is?"

"Oh, right."

______

The bride of the wedding was more acquaintance than friend. You had once been friends back in art school before your father convinced you to drop out and go to business school. You had still kept in touch a bit with the friends you had made in art school but it was few and far between.

Still, you got invited to this wedding and you felt quite happy to go. You didn't know if it was the fact that you actually had a date or that you loved weddings. Either way, you were excited (even if you did take pills to keep the blues away).

You had been nervous, though. You had these anxious thoughts that Lukas wouldn't make it. Your mind had concocted the worst things like his jet going down before it landed or his company completely tanking so he wouldn't be able to come.

Your mind easily accepted a disaster before it would ever accept that someone wanted to actually be your date. But Lukas arrived and no disaster had happened.

This wedding was in the States which Lukas complained about. But he had shown up and he wouldn't complain anymore when you looked the way you did.

You were in a floor-length red gown (with sleeves) and your makeup was light but you had bright red lipstick on. It made him want to kiss you.

"Hi," you smiled widely before you shuffled towards him excitedly in your heels.

You hugged him. You couldn't help it. You were a hugger and you hadn't seen him in person for a month. You sighed when he picked you up, holding you to him for a long moment. You were content.

Then he set you down as he commented, "I thought no one was supposed to one up the bride."

You giggled, "Don't be ridiculous. Vivian is far prettier than me. There's no way I could. Just wait till you see her. You'll understand."

Lukas stared at you intensely, "I don't need to see her."

You got captured by his blue eyes and your breath left you. Then he gestured towards the door, "Shall we?"

You nodded before walking forward and grabbing his hand. You played with his fingers in the elevator and did the same in the limo.

"I..." you spoke nervously. "I'm glad you made it."

"Were you worried I wouldn't?"

"I...well...you are in Sweden. There's so many things that could have gone wrong. Like what if your jet had engine failure?"

"Then I'd get a new jet."

You started to ramble, not even hearing what he said, "And then your plane might've gone down. Or maybe your company completely tanked so you wouldn't be able to come and...wait, really?"

His lips were quirked in amusement, "If I fucking had to, yes."

You stared at him for a moment as you felt like your heart inflated like a balloon inside your chest. You frowned, though, before you uttered quietly, "Don't lie."

"Why would I be lying?" he wore a questioning gaze made her feel like she was crazy for even suggesting it.

"I-I don't know," you said nervously.

You didn't want to admit to him that you didn't believe in big gestures. You didn't want to admit that you didn't believe you were worth big gestures.

He placed his fingers under your chin and tilted it up so you would look at him again, "What? Do you need fucking proof? What do you want?"

"No, Lukas," you denied.

He stared at you before he nodded like he had decided something, "I'll prove it you."

You went to protest but he kissed your cheek which silenced you before his lips promised against your skin. "Later."

______

At the wedding, you had a small smile as you watched the ceremony. Lukas was only watching you.

"See, she's really pretty," you whispered to him. "And that dress is gorgeous."

"It'd look much fucking prettier on you," he whispered back and his voice was a bit husky and low.

You blushed and swallowed, "Thank you."

Then you whacked him on the shoulder playfully, "But stop with the swearing. You're terrible."

Lukas chuckled before he teased, "Hitting your date? That's terribly fucking rude, princess."

"Lukas!"

_____

Once the ceremony was over, they went to the reception. You had mingled with a few guests before Vivian spotted you.

"Ella! You actually came. I haven't seen you in forever," the bride smiled as she came up to you and Lukas. "Have you gotten back into art at all? You were so good."

"Art?" Lukas asked.

"Oh, this one was the best in our class when we were in art school," Vivian explained. "And I mean leagues better."

"I don't think that's totally true," Ella frowned a bit before she quickly changed subjects. "But you look so beautiful, Vivian. Where did you get this dress..."

You held small talk for a little bit with Vivian before she had to leave for the first dance. Lukas stayed quiet for the most part with his hands in his pockets.

"So, you're an artist. You got anymore hidden talents?" Lukas said once Vivian left.

"I guess you'll have to find out," you teased with a smile.

He hummed before he questioned, "I thought you went to business school?"

"I did. But I was in art school before that. I dropped out, though," you frowned as you thought about it.

"Why? Apparently, you were a fucking protege," Lukas said.

You shook his head at his swearing again before replying with a shrug, "It wasn't what my father wanted."

"But what did you want?"

"I...." you were ready to explain that saying no to your father wasn't easy so you weren't expecting that question. You don't think a single person has ever asked what you wanted. "I...I didn't want to go to business school. I hated it actually."

He hummed before he asked, "And what do you want to do now?"

"I don't know," you shrugged before you gave him a mischievous smile as you grabbed his hands to pull him to the dance floor. "But right now, I'm getting a dance out of you."

The first dance was over and other couples had joined the dance floor. Lukas was completely rigid as you tugged on him, "No. Absolutely not."

"You're my date. It's in your job description," you argued.

"Oh, so it's a job?" he teased. "So am I getting paid for this?"

"Lukas," you stared at him with a pouting look which was adorable. He sighed and followed after you. He was completely tense and would step on your feet (which made you laugh) but he did slow dance with you and you left there with him with a small smile on your face.

_____

Lukas had been drawing shapes on the small of your back the whole ride home. It made goosebumps form on your skin in the darkness of the car and your body went into a sort of frenzy, hyperaware of everything. And your heart was thumping so quickly that you could hear the blood rushing in your ears.

"I want you to know that I was really happy that you came," you admitted in the limo as they reached her apartment.

"I know. You wouldn't stop smiling," his fingers traced your lips.

"Oh."

He wanted to kiss you but Lukas could not read you. He wasn't sure if you wanted him to. He wasn't sure if you wanted him in the same way he wanted you. You made it obvious that you wanted his attention, at least, or rather his friendship but that was all you made known. And he did not want to mess this up under any circumstances.

So he kissed your cheek instead as a goodbye. It was a lingering kiss that said I want you but you didn't notice. You just gave him a little smile and left the limo to go inside.

______

The next morning, you woke up to a picture of a jet that Lukas sent you. You were confused.

What is this?

Proof

I bought another jet for those epic disasters you've concocted

You didn't know how to respond. He bought another jet for you just so you wouldn't be anxious. Your mind couldn't comprehend why he would do such a thing. You weren't that special.

I would tell you to return it but I know you wouldn't (can you even return jets?) so thank you

Your thumbs hovered over the next thing you wanted to type. You hesitated before you finally sent it. You sent him an heart emoji.

He sent one back.

And you had cried a little bit. It was probably the most loved you ever felt in your whole life. You didn't know how to handle it but your body decided for you. A smile you couldn't control rested on your face for the entire day. No, the entire week and you had decided that, if it was within your power, you weren't ever going to let Lukas go.