#gravitylukasmatsson

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Two

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Warnings: none

Chapters: One, Two

Summary: You meet Lukas again when you’re in Italy for your mother’s wedding.

Chapter Two

You were oblivious.

Roman had made a number of comments about how Lukas wanted to fuck you ever since that night. Of course, you denied them. You didn't believe that they could be true.

You had a small reprieve from the comments Roman made at the wedding of your mother. You were out by the pool with your legs dipped in the water while you soaked up the sun. You had your bathing suit on along with a pink long sleeve crochet dress that acted as a coverup for the bathing suit.

You didn't even know why you put your bathing suit on. It wasn't like you planned to get in the water. You couldn't or else everyone would know. Everyone would see. And people couldn't know because no one would ever understand.

You suppose you wore the bathing suit to make people think you would get in the water; to not raise suspicions. But it wasn't like anyone particularly paid attention to you. Even your own mother had been surprised to see you like she'd suddenly realized she had another daughter.

"Oh," Caroline felt her eyes widen. "Ella. I wasn't sure if you'd be coming."

"Of course I'd come. Why wouldn't I? It's your big day," you had a small, excited smile. You loved weddings. You supposed you liked to see other people happy even if you couldn't be.

"Well, you know..." Caroline trailed off. She and Uncle Ewan were the only other ones that knew where you had been for a year, what had happened, what had changed.

And your mother changed the subject. "But I am so happy you're here, dear. You seem a bit happier, don't you? Well, I'm sure all this sun will cheer anyone right up. You'll try and get some, won't you?"

The topic of happiness made you uncomfortable. Whenever you thought of the word happy, not one thing popped up in your head that made you happy. Sure you had everything you could ever want but you didn't have what you needed; you had fleeting moments of joy but not the bliss that settled deep into the bones. Your bones were not weighed down by it and your brain did not comprehend it.

But you smiled, "Yes, Mom."

So that was what you did: spent time in the sun. You never really were a sunny weather type person. It was too hot, too bright, and you felt like you were going to melt away and no one would even notice. No, you liked the rain and the chill and the cold.

Luckily, you didn't have to spend too long in the sun. Roman came to get you and practically dragged you with him, telling you that they were going to see Lukas.

Roman had been ordered to take you. He had told their father about how Lukas liked you. After the tweet fiasco, he wanted Roman to go talk to the man and he wanted you brought along.

"Bring your sister with you."

So here you were, still in your bathing suit and coverup dress to see Lukas. You kept tugging at the dress, trying to make it longer than it was. It only went just below your butt and you felt very self-conscious. And it also didn't feel right going to see someone you barely knew in a bathing suit.

"You could have at least let me change," you pouted at Roman as they sat in the boat that sped across the water.

"Why? Lukas will love it," Roman smirked a little.

"Roman! He does not want to...you know," you said quietly like it was a sin to speak any louder about the subject of sex.

"You can't even say it. That's cute."

You huffed and ignored him. You didn't know why Roman had to make so many lewd comments about Lukas wanting to "fuck" her. It was like he was obsessed with it. You didn't understand.

It didn't take long before the boat was docked at the house in Switzerland that Lukas owned. The water was a bit choppy and the boat was rocking a bit. Roman had difficulty getting out of the boat and Lukas even offered his hand to him which made you giggle a bit when Roman slapped it away.

When it was your turn, you did take his hand as you smiled, "Hi, Lukas."

"Ella," he grinned.

You stared at him noticing that in the sunlight he had haunting blue eyes, cold eyes that made you feel like a burning heat had sparked in your veins. It was a conundrum. And when he said your name so delicately, you felt a fluttering in your stomach. You didn't know what it was. Did you eat something you weren't supposed to?

"Have you slept any better?" you asked as they walked forward while he placed a hand on your back to guide you. Your dress was backless and you shivered a bit when he touched you but didn't say anything. You didn't notice his eyes were all over you now that you were slightly in front of him.

Your legs were on full display and your dress had a massive v-neck which showed your cleavage. It was like dangling a piece of gold in front of him and expecting him not to grab it. It was so obvious why Logan sent her but Lukas didn't really give a fuck. His eyes could drink you in and no one could stop him.

"Without your pretty fucking voice, no," he replied.

You blushed red.

He continued, "So I hear you have this, uh, wedding?"

"Yeah. For my mom."

"Do you have a date?"

"No."

"Do you want one?" his eyes peered at you intensely.

You blinked, catching onto what he was saying. You shook your head slowly, "You'd just ignore me in favor of my dad. He's like...gravity."

He grinned and looked at you like you were amusing, "You're funny to think that someone could ignore you."

You stared at him then. You thought your heart stopped beating, hanging onto his words. They didn't compute in your brain. Everyone ignored you. Didn't he know that? Was he saying he wouldn't?

Your eyes caught onto Roman looking between you two. You had almost forgotten he was there. You visibly stepped back from Lukas which made him frown slightly.

"Um, so I think my brother wants to ask you about some tweet thing," you changed subjects.

"Some tweet thing?" he raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah," you put your hands on your hips. "Apparently, you're in big trouble over there."

"Am I?" he smiled.

His smile made your heart jump. Why was that? What was going on? You merely nodded shyly with a small smile.

"What my sister is trying to say is that the tweet just didn't look great," Roman interjected.

"No?" Lukas asked.

You kind of spaced out after that as Roman started to talk to Lukas about some deal. You stared out at the ocean and listened to the slow, steady sound of the waves.

You wanted to draw the ocean and the mountains and the whole landscape. You'd always been good at drawing but you hadn't done it in years. You went to art school once but after only a year your father convinced you to give it up in favor of business school. You sighed.

Soon, Roman got your attention and you followed after him back to the boat. You looked at Lukas once you got to the dock.

"Bye, Lukas," you smiled.

"If you ever need a date, feel free to call me," Lukas gazed at you with his hands in his pockets.

Your breath got stolen and your cheeks reddened again. You struggled to form words, "Oh...um, okay. Alright."

Your brain finally caught up to the moment and logic came to the surface. You furrowed your eyebrows, "But what if you're not free when I need you?"

"I'll be free," he promised.

Then he kissed your cheek before helping you into the boat by holding your hand. You were sure you looked like a tomato at this point. Maybe your mother was right; you needed more sun. If you were tan, it would hide more of the red than your pale cheeks did.

Once you were in the boat and sitting by your brother, it took off. Roman looked at you strangely, "What did you do to make him like you so much?"

"He doesn't like me that much," you replied. You were sure that Lukas was just being nice and polite. He would ignore her, too, one day.

"Are you crazy? Yes, he does. Which is actually fucking insane. You do your weird little trances. You're like a kooky fucking wallflower," Roman said before he chuckled. "But, yeah, I guess, it's cute sometimes."

You frowned and tears stung your eyes. You turned your head from him and ignored him.

"What? Did I hurt your feelings?" Roman said but he chuckled lightly. "Come on, El. You are fucking weird but it's okay because I love you, alright? There, I said it. Can you get over it now?"

You glanced at Roman before sniffling. Your lip trembled as you spoke, "Don't call me weird."

"Alright. Fine," Roman rolled his eyes. After a moment, he spoke again. "He does like you, though."

You huffed. Not this again. But Roman didn't say anything more on the topic of Lukas liking her.

What you didn't know is that you had missed something in your "kooky" trance. In your space out, you had missed Lukas saying he wanted the best of everything while staring at you.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Epilogue

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Epilogue

Warnings: smut (18+)

Two Years Later

Lukas could be described as moody ever since you left. Tom faced the brunt of it. He did let the new CEO keep Greg as his assistant but he gave strict orders that Greg was to never be within his eyesight. He still blamed the snitch and never wanted to see him. But Lukas was never in a good mood. He was mostly quiet and morose.

He wasn't in New York often, though. He hated being there; he hated being reminded of you. He spent most days on his phone just flipping through the few pictures he had of you.

He did try to move on from a couple of times. He went on a few dates with some supermodels. They all ended after the first date. They would talk but then his thoughts would wonder. He'd end up on his phone, staring at pictures of you, while they talked incessantly. He never called them back after that.

Now there was one. Tom, without him knowing, had set him up. He made Greg find a girl that looked exactly like Ella. Then he set them up to bump into each other at a club. Lukas was very interested at first. But then the girl smiled for the first time and he lost all of it. It wasn't your smile.

So dates ended pretty quickly within the first six months. Sex was a completely different issue. He'd pick up random women that fit his standards but he quickly learned that he had a problem. Even with them bare in front of them, he could not get it up.

He'd have to look at all those dirty pictures you sent him just to get hard. He thought that fixed it. But he'd go soft immediately as soon as he entered them. He had to resort to jerking himself off to those dirty pictures and sex was off the table.

So he was a very frustrated man. He was frustrated with you, with himself, with the whole fucking world. He was just frustrated and he missed you. His chest ached just thinking about you.

And he couldn't sleep anymore. He could barely sleep before you. Now without you, he was getting at most two hours of sleep. So he was tired and frustrated. He was completely miserable and every day where he didn't get to see you felt like hell.

And he was true to what you wanted. He didn't call or text. He didn't send someone to spy on you. He left you alone. The only thing he ever allowed himself to do was ask Tom once a month if you were still with your uncle. The answer was always the same.

And life moved on. The days felt like they dragged. Time felt like it moved so impossibly slowly. It felt like the longest two years of his life. But then one day the answer had changed.

He didn't usually attend one of these things: a charity gala. But Tom informed him that you were coming. He was there early, waiting for you to walk through the door.

Tom was slightly freaking out as he commented quietly to Shiv, "She's still coming, right? Because if she doesn't, I am totally fucked."

"She's coming, Tom. There was a dressing wardrobe malfunction but she's coming," Shiv shook her head. "You can calm down."

You coming to the gala was sort of a plan by Tom and Shiv. Shiv invited you and Tom told Lukas that you were coming. They were playing matchmaker with the two of you.

And then you did show up. You were one of the last to show up. He saw you come in from a distance as where he was sitting was far from the door. But as soon as caught sight of you, he stood up. It was just on instinct. A gut reaction.

"See, Lukas, I told you she'd show up," Tom said, smiling. "There was never anything to worry about."

He merely hummed before sitting back down. His eyes were glued to you as you walked in. He noticed you didn't have bangs anymore but instead your hair was parted down one side. And he noticed your dress. Of course he did. You wore the most provocative dress he'd ever seen you wear.

It was a red satin dress with slits on both sides to show off your legs. It was completely backless with a huge plunging neckline that ended just above your belly button. Your breasts were covered by the smallest amount of material and completely on display. Fuck.

You wore it so confidently. You wore it like you were not afraid to flaunt what you had. You did it effortlessly with the most breath-taking smile he'd ever seen on you.

And then you were walking over here and he didn't know what you wanted. He got up and left the table. He only came back when you were settled and someone was speaking at the podium. He sat down and went on his phone.

He wasn't sure if you even noticed him. You didn't seem to have a reaction nor even look his way. That didn't matter; he was just waiting to be alone with you. So when you got up to go to the refreshments table, he followed shortly after you.

He approached you at the table and he just stood there, staring at you. He didn't really know what to say. But then you startled a little when you looked his way and noticed him as you clutched your chest.

"Right. Fuck. Hey," he scratched the side of his head as he started to ramble nervously. "I can say hey to you, right? I can greet you? Or do you not want that? Because I can fucking leave and..."

You placed a calming hand on his torso for a moment before removing it. You barely seemed bothered while he stopped breathing momentarily. Then you smiled a bit in amusement, "Yes, you can greet me."

He was lost staring into your eyes before he blurted out, "Ella, can we talk?"

You exhaled deeply before you spoke, "Tomorrow. For coffee at eight. I'll text you the address. Does that work?"

"Yeah. Yes," he agreed quickly.

"Okay," you smiled. "Tomorrow then."

And you went back to your seat. He stood there for a minute. Then he decided he didn't need to be there any longer. He wouldn't be able to handle staring at you and not talking. So he left and stayed up all fucking night.

"Shiv, he left. He fucking left," Tom whisper-shouted as Ella made her way back. "This is a clusterfuck. He's gonna fucking fire me, Shiv."

"He's not gonna fire you, Tom. How would he check in on Ella if he fired you?"

____

Lukas was there early. He already ordered for you because he knew what you liked unless that had changed. He was tapping his foot the whole time until you walked in the door covered in a light layer of sweat. You had earbuds in but you took them out once you came in.

You smiled once you saw him and walked over to the table. He swallowed as he noted you were only wearing a fucking sports bra with yoga pants. Jesus. He was sure you trying to test his focus.

"Hey," you greeted before you leaned down to kiss his cheek. He stopped breathing again.

Then you noticed the second cup of coffee, a frappe, and he pushed it towards you, "Vanilla, right?"

"Yeah," you smiled before you took the seat across from him. Vanilla had always been your favorite. But specifically a vanilla bean frappe. It was simple but sweet. You still had your sweet tooth.

You sipped on it before he asked, "You run now?"

"Yeah. I like it," you smiled again. "Clears my head."

He noticed you were full of smiles now. You gave them out easily. And you looked fuller somehow like you weren't as skinny. He wondered if you ate more now; you only ever ate such small portions back then like you were afraid to gain weight. But it seemed like you fixed that habit. And your skin just seemed to fucking glow. You seemed to glow.

"And...what else changed?" he questioned, holding himself back from spilling all the words he wanted to say.

"Well, I really like camping. I'm planning a trip next month," you informed. "And I'm off my meds now."

"You are?" he asked softly. "And you're...fine?"

"Yes," you smiled again. "I didn't need them anymore. I've been off of them for a year."

He hummed before he leaned forward to place his arms on the table as he asked quietly, "And did you...forgive me?"

"I think..." you mused. "I think I forgave you, Lukas, the moment I walked out the door."

He swallowed before he blurted out, "Ella, I still fucking love you. There hasn't been a fucking day where I haven't thought of you. Ella, I want you back."

You sighed and leaned back in your chair as you crossed one leg over the other. You were so cool like a fucking iceberg and he could not read you. You looked away for a moment as you bit your lip.

You didn't know how to feel about Lukas. You had talked about him to your therapist a long time ago and you knew you loved him back then. Because of that, you'd always feel affection for him. But you had changed. It didn't stop your mind from thinking about him from time to time. It was usually in random moments and you'd smile as you thought of your memories with him. You'd feel a longing.

"I want to make myself clear: I don't need you anymore," you finally turned your gaze to him.

Your words fucking hurt. He thought you were about to break him all over again. He thought you were about cut off any idea of them being together.

"But...I want to try again," you said before you started to smile. You found that as you said it, you really did want that. "I would like that."

"Okay," he smiled slightly. "And what does that entail?"

"You can take me on a date. Next week. I'll let you pick where and when," you clarified. "But here. In New York."

"Just one date?" he deflated a bit.

"If I like it, I'll let you take me on another," you said before you stood up, grabbing your coffee. "That's how dates work, silly."

"So we're doing things normally now?" he grinned in amusement.

Last time they did everything completely backwards. They started with the most intimate step and worked back. They really had been a mess, hadn't they?

"Yes," you smiled before kissing his cheek. "I'll see you next week."

And you left.

_____

For a month, they went on more than ten dates. Most of them were in New York but some were in Sweden. You only communicated with him during the dates. You were determined to move slowly with him.

Lukas noted how you didn't space out anymore. You were always there, always present. You still rambled, though, and quite adorably. And then there was that smile; you wore it so easily now. It made him happy for you.

Lukas was ever so patient. He never held your hand or put his arm around you. He never tried to kiss you. He didn't want to do anything until you told him you were ready. You could tell he was tense just in the way carried himself like he was afraid to screw it up.

You kept him at arm's length because you were afraid to fall back into the same patterns. You didn't invite him into your apartment nor did you ever enter his house. You weren't ready for something to happen between them that you couldn't turn back from. But you couldn't deny that everything flowed just as it always did between them. And you realized you were still in love with him.

You didn't know quite how to handle it until one night in Sweden. It was a work party thing he had taken you to. It wasn't a date exactly but he had invited you.

You were talking to someone before you glanced over at him. You noticed he was talking to some pretty brunette probably just a bit older than you. You felt a prickling sensation and you realized you were jealous. You realized you wanted him to be yours again.

You wondered why you were even waiting. It was obvious that Lukas was the one for you. He was still the love of your life and you never ever wanted to get over him. You didn't just want to be dating anymore or taking these baby steps. You didn't need to. You wanted him.

And it didn't matter if Lukas was still gravity to you. He was a type of gravity. He was love. The feeling that gave you butterflies and made you smile even more than you already did because you were own gravity now. It didn't mean you couldn't collide with his. And you intended to.

He had excused himself eventually from whoever the woman he was talking to and he had to take a phone call. He took the elevator up to his office on a floor above. You followed slowly and took a separate elevator. When it stopped, you stepped out onto an empty floor.

You walked to his office and leaned against the doorway. He had his back turned as he talked on the phone. It was something about Gojo but you didn't pay attention.

You just admired him for a small moment. You had noted it briefly earlier but he looked really handsome. He was in black business slacks with a black round-neck sweater that was not tucked in. He was like a black hole you wanted to be swallowed by.

When he finished his phone call, you stepped into the room before stopping about five feet in front of him. He turned and his eyes widened a bit before he tucked his hands in his pockets with a small smile, "Hey."

"You didn't have to come up here," he stated.

"I know."

It was silent for a moment as you stared at him. He stared at you. There was an undercurrent of tension between them.

Then you took a deep breath as you spoke, "If you ever hurt me again, I'd walk away from you, Lukas. And you'd never get me back. Even if it's years down the line and we have a kid, I'd still leave you."

"Ella, I wouldn't," he promised. "Not ever fucking again."

You closed the distance between them slowly until you stood right in front of him. You looked at him.

"I love you," you confessed as you stood up on the tips of your toes. You ran your hands up his chest and over his broad shoulders before looping your arms around his neck and bringing him down to your level before you muttered close to his lips. "And I don't want to move slowly anymore..."

Then you kissed him. As your lips molded with his, he literally groaned which made you smile slightly. You felt electric as you kissed him softly and slowly. But you wanted more and so did he.

It quickly turned into hungry, fast kisses. As soon as they finished one kiss, they brought their lips back together for more. Their lips pressed incessantly against each other before his hands gripped your hips tightly. He picked you up without breaking their kiss and carried you over to his desk before setting you down.

Your hands traveled down. You pushed up his sweater to reach for his belt. You stopped kissing him to focus on undoing it.

"Ella..." he questioned, panting.

"I want this."

"Ella, I don't have a fucking condom."

"I'll take Plan B."

You undid his belt before his hands hiked up your dress. You pushed down his pants to reveal his erection. You remembered he was big but you forgot how big he was. You spread your legs for him.

He moved your lace panties to the side before placing his tip against your slit. Then he pushed into you and he groaned as he felt the walls of your pussy close in around his dick. You let out a little gasp as you braced yourself with your palms flat on the desk behind you.

You breathed so heavily as he continued to slide his dick into you. You didn't have sex for two years and just him entering you put you close to your peak. When he was fully inside you, your eyes nearly rolled back. You were so full. Your stomach even bulged from his dick.

And with just one thrust, you fell apart and orgasmed. You moaned his name. Your muscles clenched and your toes curled. Your pussy clenched around his dick and Lukas did not last long, either, because after one more thrust, he came inside of you.

He smacked the desk with his hands as he groaned. You felt his warm seed gush into you. And it seemed to be never-ending. You felt strings upon strings of his cum jet into you like he had been pent up. And your pussy clenched his cock even harder, begging him for more.

He finally softened inside you. He stayed inside as you both panted. Then he slowly pulled out. His cum leaked out of you. He grabbed some tissues off his desk and cleaned you up. You were sleepy now and you did not want to go back to the party.

"Can we leave?" you said as he leaned his forehead against yours after cleaning you up.

"Yeah."

_____

When they got back to his house, you had livened up a bit. Only because you wanted him again. Once they were in the doorway, they stood facing each other and you realized this was the first time you'd stepped inside since you entered society again.

Lukas bit his lip as he stared at you, stared at your body, before he swallowed, "Are you tired? Do you want to lay down or..."

You crossed the distance and pulled him down to you, kissing him. He melted and his arms immediately wrapped around you. Then you pulled away slightly as you traced his lips, "Yes, I am tired, but I want more of this."

And he kissed you again. You let him kiss you for a bit, getting lost in it, as he backed you against the wall. Then you reached around you to unzip your dress. You only unzipped it a little bit before Lukas tugged it down harshly where it stopped halfway around your pelvis, being too tight without unzipping all the way.

But Lukas got what he wanted. Your breasts were now revealed as you weren't wearing a bra. He immediately moved to attach his mouth on one, sucking and licking at the supple breast as his hand played with other. You leaned your head back against the wall, letting out a low moan.

Once he was done, his lips traveled down your stomach as he muttered against your skin, "So fucking perfect."

You smiled as you teased, "And don't you forget it."

He grinned, "You're such an egotistical little minx now, aren't you?"

"Your minx," you bit your lip.

"Yeah?" he smiled as he gazed up at you. You watched as he kept his gaze locked with yours while he licked a stripe ever so slowly over your belly button. You threw your head back and let out a low moan of yes. And it was a long night filled with pleasure.

In the morning, he was spooning you and his fingers ran up and down your hip soothingly. He seemed to choose his words before he asked nervously, "Ella, when you weren't with me, did you ever...have you ever..."

"Have sex with someone else?" you realized what he was trying to ask. "No."

"Really?" he seemed all too excited.

You giggled, "No, Lukas."

You turned your head to look at him, "What if I had said yes?"

"It wouldn't fucking change anything but I don't..I just don't like the idea of someone knowing what you're like, you know, intimately," Lukas explained.

You hummed before you asked curiously, "What about you?"

"I, uh, tried," he admitted. "Yeah."

"Tried? What does that mean?"

He struggled to find words because he didn't like admitting it, "It means that part of me doesn't fucking work when it's not you."

You blinked before you realized, "Oh."

Then you smiled as you teased, "You couldn't get hard? Like at all?"

He rolled his eyes, "No."

You giggled a bit, "What did you do?"

That made him grin a bit as he admitted, "Looked at all those nude photos you sent me."

"You did?" you smiled.

"Yeah," he said before he questioned. "Are you gonna start sending those again?"

You chuckled before you bit your lip, "Maybe."

You did start sending those again. You liked getting him all worked up so that when he saw you again, he practically attacked you with lust. It was fun to you.

And when he attacked you, it was at home in Sweden. After that night, you moved in with him. A week later, he had proposed to you.

You said yes so the two of you were now engaged. Again. You found out when he proposed that he had kept the rings. So you wore the same ones you had picked out two years ago.

You got married to Lukas a month later. All of your siblings showed up. You did not marry him in Sweden nor in New York. You had always loved weddings so you wanted something grand and Lukas kept saying: whatever you want. So you chose the venue and picked the Palace of Versailles in France.

It was a wedding that cost millions but that was nothing to the two of you. You had your own custom made white wedding dress that was slim but had a long train. It had a sweetheart neckline.

You didn't have anyone walk you down the aisle (and up the staircase). Not Connor nor your Uncle Ewan. You didn't need anyone to give you away. You were joining yourself with Lukas.

So within two months of being back, you were married to Lukas. It may have seemed rushed. But you knew you loved him and you didn't need to wait. You didn't want to.

For the next month, the two of you were absolutely insatiable with each other. You would see the gold ring on his finger and you'd want him. Or the making out would turn all frenzied. All you knew was that month was wild. It was a like really long honeymoon. You were sure you had tried every position and fucked him on every single surface.

But just because you were married didn't mean you were having his kids yet. You wanted to wait and enjoy some of your married life before you started having babies. So that's what the two of you did.

The two of you were extremely happy with each other. Sometimes he would have to go to New York for business. He'd take you into Waystar with him. You'd wait until his meeting was over and then he was right back with you, holding your hand or having an arm wrapped around you.

Shiv noted how you were always smiling or laughing and that was how Lukas was, too. She noted how Lukas would hardly let go of you like he was afraid to lose you all over again. The two of you may have been a bit clingy but it was a happy relationship. Shiv couldn't help but feel a bit jealous.

She never told you that, though, even when you came over many times to spend time with your niece. And Shiv noted how good you were with her kid. The kid she hardly spent time with. Here you were, younger, and doing better at everything in life. But she pushed those jealous feelings down; she didn't want to ever poison herself against you, her baby sister.

But you lived in Sweden. You only visited your family every once in an awhile. Well, the family that wanted to see you. Kendall did not. He still could not accept you were with Matsson. But you didn't care.

You had your own little life with Lukas. You sold your art studio in London and got one in Sweden. You submitted many of your paintings to art galleries and you would go see them when they got hung. It made you quite proud.

Once, you took Lukas on a very short two-day camping trip. He absolutely hated it. He couldn't access his phone due to no service out in the middle of nowhere and he had nothing to do. He couldn't fish or make a fire. He was useless out in the wild. You were very amused as he was very clearly such a city boy. But you knew he very much enjoyed the nights cozied up in the tent since you had sex with him then.

But Lukas didn't go camping ever again. You did, though. Lukas was so miserable when you did, too, because he couldn't get in contact with you. You were gone and he didn't like being apart from you.

You went on a two-week camping trip once, too. You would fish and you liked the peacefulness. You'd draw, too, when you were out there. When you got back, you texted Lukas to tell him so. Thirty minutes later he was practically sprinting into the bedroom where you were unpacking your clothes you had taken with you. He picked you up off the ground and trapped your arms to your sides as he hugged the life out of you like you'd been gone for a century. Butterflies erupted. He really missed you.

"Don't ever fucking leave that long," he pleaded. "Please."

You couldn't help but placate him as your heart squeezed, "Alright."

You never went longer than a week after that.

But the months quickly passed and the holidays were thrust upon you. It was Christmas. Everyone in your family was coming. Well, everyone except Kendall. He had responded with yeah, yeah, maybe which was an obvious no. You wondered if he would ever get over Lukas now being the head of Waystar or that board vote that decided it.

But it was the morning of the big holiday. You were exchanging gifts with Lukas out by the gigantic tree you made him get. You had decorated it in red and green lights with the help of the staff (who you had left presents for under the tree and they were allowed to go on break after today for two weeks). He sat on the couch in a tank top and pajama pants while you were in an oversized t-shirt.

You had gotten him a black watch since his broke. He refused to get another one until he did a deep dive on the best watches. You knew that if you got it for him that he'd wear it though and the problem would be solved. You had gotten him some other miscellaneous things.

Then you opened yours. You had gotten a necklace studded with so many diamonds. It basically glimmered. You teased him, "Did you just pick the most expensive thing you could find?"

He bit his lip, "Yeah. Yeah, I did."

You smiled. Then you opened your next one and found a set of paints. You had gasped once you saw them.

"I talked to some, I don't know, expert and he said these were the best so..." Lukas said.

"You talked to an expert?" you gave him a look.

"I don't know. Some fucking artist," he replied.

You giggled before you kissed his cheek and thanked him. You really did love these set of paints. You opened multiple other presents all related to art before you opened the last one.

Your eyes widened as you looked in the box. You picked it up. It was a small pistol.

"Lukas, why is there a gun?"

"You're always going fucking camping, you know. I figured protection for my girl," he said before smiling at the end as he said my girl.

"I don't even know how to shoot it."

"Yeah. That's why I bought you lessons, too."

You smiled a bit as you shook your head. You put the gun back in the box before you moved to straddle him. You placed your hands on his shoulders and massaged them a bit, "You're such a worrier."

"Well, yeah, I got to look out for you. My Ella."

You smiled before you kissed him sweetly. Then you muttered against his lips, "Maybe a little overboard."

"No. It's not overboard if it works and I never lose you," he argued.

"So you think a bear is more competition than you can handle?" you joked.

He chuckled, "Yeah. Maybe."

You hummed before you kissed him again. They shared short, sweet kisses for awhile. But then their little make-out session had to end. You had a lot of planning to do.

You had Freya, an older woman who was their maid, set up the dining table for this event. You also coordinated with the chef, Lars. You were a bit anxious about it all.

"Miss Ella, we know what to do," Freya assured. "It will go perfect. You should go get ready before your guests arrive."

"Thank you, Freya," you smiled before you went off.

You went and got dressed. You wore a short red dress. You fixed your hair and it took a long while for you to do that. And you wore the necklace that Lukas got you.

You fumbled with your hands as you came out of the bathroom and fretted, "Do you think it will go well?"

He had been on his phone as he sat on the bed and waited for you. He was wearing a simple red t-shirt and black track pants. He put his phone away once you came out and he stared a bit in awe, "You're so fucking gorgeous."

You blushed a bit, "Thank you but..."

"It'll be fine," he assured you.

"But both of our moms here and my siblings and...it's going to be a mess, isn't it?"

"No," he smiled in amusement. "Well, maybe just a little bit."

"Lukas!"

He stood up and grabbed your hands, "Ella, relax. With you involved, nothing could ever be a fucking mess."

You smiled, "I love you."

"I love you more, hjärtat."

Lukas had been right. It was not a mess. Roman was, well, Roman with his gross jokes and you couldn't help that. Their mothers kind of smothered everyone but it was mostly went off without a hitch. Shiv and Tom brought your niece and you had immediately picked her up, propping her up on your hip. You talked to her animatedly before giving her a giant cookie that was made just for her.

"She's great with kids, uh?" Tom commented to Lukas.

Lukas hummed as he watched you with his hands in his pockets. He would wait but he desperately wanted kids with you.

The rest of the evening went by perfectly. Well, there was the one instance where his mother and yours (they seemed to get along great) asked when you were having kids. You had choked on your wine.

"We're not in a rush," Lukas answered nonchalantly.

But besides probing questions, it was fine. Hours later they had all left and the house was finally quiet again. You breathed a sigh of relief.

"I told you," he wrapped his arms around you from behind. "Nothing to worry about."

You leaned back into his embrace, "It was my first time hosting so..."

He kissed your shoulder before he asked, "Are you tired?"

"I...Yes," you answered nervously.

"Alright," he said and then he picked you up to carry you bridal style. It made you gasp and giggle. Then he carried you to the bedroom before setting you down.

"I'm gonna change," you said.

He nodded as he took off his shirt and his pants before climbing into bed. You headed to the closet in excitement. You had this all planned since two weeks ago. When you came back out, you were dressed in red lingerie that had a bow over your breasts.

"So there's one last present I had for you," you announced.

Lukas had been on his phone. He had one hand behind his head as laid half-propped against the headboard. His eyes glanced up and then did a double take.

"Fuck, Ella."

He licked his lips and you smiled. You crawled onto the bed towards him before straddling him. You took his phone and set it on the bedside table.

He went to reach for you but you grabbed his hands. You entwined them with yours as you kept his arms bent and up in the air.

"Before you touch me," you stared at him intensely. "I want you to know that I'm ready now."

"Ready for what?"

"To have kids with you," you declared before you held a small smirk. "So do you want to unwrap me now?"

His eyes had stared at you for a few shocked moments. Then he practically attacked you with lust. You had giggled before you got lost in the feeling with him. And it was a very, very long night.

When you woke up in the morning, you could still feel the length of him inside you. His cock acted as a plug to keep his cum inside you. You could feel that he was hard again which made wetness seep out of you and down his shaft.

You wanted him to fuck you. Again. And when he woke, he did. He flipped you onto your belly and straddled your thighs as he fucked you from behind. His cock pounded into you practically making you bounce with each thrust. It was so primal and aggressive.

It made you orgasm rather quickly and your toes curled. Your back arched and you were aware of your painfully erect nipples pressing into the satin sheets. He fucked you through your orgasm with your pussy clenched tightly around his cock as he kept thrusting. His hands moved underneath you and he manipulated you to lift your ass a bit, making him drive deeper into you. You moaned at the new angle even as your front was practically being nailed into the mattress.

You orgasmed again and you felt like you were seeing stars. Your pussy clenched even tighter around his cock and he groaned. He made a few more sloppy thrusts before he gripped your ass cheeks rather tightly as he came inside you.

You felt his warm seed spill deep inside of you. Again. You mewled at the feeling despite the walls of your pussy already being sticky from the seed he painted them with all night.

You wanted him to keep that doing that. Maybe you were cum drunk. You didn't know. But you felt so full and content. You never wanted him to leave you.

He stayed inside you for thirty minutes as they laid there a bit out of it and panting. He was half on top of you. Then he pulled out and you felt so empty as his cum started to leak out.

"I'm gonna take a shower," he commented.

You merely hummed and followed him. Your legs ached a bit. But you didn't focus on that. Your mind was in a fog. You were in a blissed-out haze. And every kiss you shared with him felt amplified and you felt like every cell yearned for him.

Maybe the steam of the shower was making you all fuzzy but when they got out, you fucked him on the bathroom counter. Then you took him back to bed. They just ended up spending the whole day in bed together having sex.

Every day after that, he fucked you. They weren't as bad as that first day but every night he'd fuck you. But they did fuck once at a restaurant in the bathroom. You were bent over the sink with your hands on the white porcelain. You could not believe you let him to do this but you were just as bad as he was.

"When I said I wanted a baby, I didn't mean you should have sex with me relentlessly."

"So you don't want me to fuck you?" he had a smug grin as he gave you a particularly deep thrust making you gasp.

"You're such an ass," you panted.

"An ass you love," he still had that stupid grin and his blue eyes were so bright with happiness. He was so damn pretty. You couldn't help but love it. God. You were so in deep with him.

"Yes, I love you. I love you, Lukas," you uttered and the overwhelming amount of affection you felt made you orgasm before he had even thrusted inside of you again. And your words did it. He groaned before he came inside you.

That was what it was like leading up to New Year's. You found out you were pregnant only a couple days after the new year began. You were so ecstatic and Lukas was happy.

But then the nausea set in. The first trimester was hard for you. You were sick nearly all the time. Your breasts were sore and you were just exhausted.

You'd often wake up in the middle of the night puking. Lukas was so good with you. He would get up and hold your hair, he'd give you back rubs, and he'd even stay home with you. He didn't often go into work besides four days out of the week.

He was just very attentive with you which you appreciated. When the second trimester came around, the nausea had subsided. Your breasts grew and you went up two cup sizes by the end of the trimester. Lukas loved playing with them which felt really great.

But something else had changed in the second trimester. Your libido increased tenfold. You felt like an animal. You were attacking Lukas for sex practically all the time. You would even go to his work just to have him fuck you on his desk.

At night, you'd have very dirty dreams. When they ended, you were all hot and bothered so you'd wake him up pawing at him for sex. You felt quite terrible that you were interrupting his sleep. You had even cried about it once. Lukas just kissed you and told you that you were being silly; like a switch flipped, that calmed you right down and you stopped crying.

One night, you were having sex with him. You were straddling him and you had been bouncing on his dick. But he had gone soft. You had pouted, "I need you again."

He stroked his cock to get it to become hard again as he joked, "It's like you're trying to break my dick."

"What? No. I love you," you frowned like he'd said the worst thing in history and tears built up in your eyes. "Why would I want to break it? How could you ever think I'd want to hurt you?"

Lukas chuckled, "Ella, it was a joke."

You sniffled, "Don't say stuff like that."

"Okay," he complied.

"I love you too much," you replied before you kissed him.

You kissed him shortly before you trailed kisses down to his neck. You muttered against his skin, "Love you so much."

You moved down to kiss his chest and you sucked before nipping at the skin as you mused, "Just want you all the time."

"Fuck, Ella."

And he was hard. You sunk down on his cock and began to bounce again. You began to have sex with him again.

The second trimester had been filled with a lot of sex. But you had also found out the gender of your baby. You were having a boy. The room that you had once painted for a baby was set up once again. Your belly started to show and Lukas was always kissing it.

You let everyone in your family know. Connor seemed the happiest for you. But you didn't much care who was happy and who wasn't. It was your life and you were happy for yourself. That was all that mattered.

Then the third trimester came and that had to be the worst. Your breasts grew even more and you now had an H cup. Your belly was swollen. Your back hurt. Your feet hurt and you had slight edema. You were very irritable. You just wanted the baby out of you.

You practically ignored Lukas. You didn't even let him hold you at night. The hormone you blamed him for knocking you up. It was unreasonable but you couldn't help it. You were so emotional.

One day he went to kiss you before he left to go to work. But you just turned your head. When he said he loved you, you merely hummed.

But as soon as he left, you started crying. You felt terrible. You ran out the door after him and stopped him before he even got in the car.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," you sobbed. "I love you. I love you so much. I don't want you to leave and not know that."

"I know," he responded as he wiped your tears away with his thumbs before kissing you softly. You eagerly pressed your lips back to his and let all of your frustration melt away.

When the kiss finished, you explained, "I'm just so tired and sore. I just want this baby out and I'm being mean to you. I'm terrible."

"You're not terrible," you argued. "But let's fix some of that, yeah?"

"What about work?"

"Fuck it," he said before he shuffled you inside. "I'm taking care of you."

And he did. He had you take a bubble bath. He gave you a massage. At the end of the night, you'd curled up against him in bed and held onto him tightly.

Things hadn't been as lovely as that day had been. You still got snappy and moody with him. But that all changed when you had the baby. You had an easy labor with a spontaneous birth.

You took on the role of mother very easily when you took your baby boy home. He was named Mattias. You doted on him but he cried nearly all the time. You were exhausted.

You and Lukas were exhausted. You barely got anytime to yourselves. But five weeks after the birth, you had gotten up to take a shower. You basically knew now when Matti would wake up. So you got up to take a shower but when you stepped out, breast milk leaked out of one of your breasts.

You groaned in frustration as Lukas came into the bathroom. When he saw the situation, he did something you did not expect. He grabbed you by your hips when you went to grab a hand towel, keeping you in place, before he leaned down and licked the trail of breast milk up from your abdomen, cleaning you off.

Your stomach twisted and you felt a low heat in your belly. You thought it was extremely hot. It turned you on and realized this was the first you had been in months.

When he was done, you grabbed him by his neck and pulled him to you. You kissed him. Your hands ran up his bare chest since he didn't wear a shirt to bed. His hands grabbed at your hips before picking you up and setting you on the bathroom counter.

You panted as you pulled away from him and argued, "Matti will wake up soon."

"I'll be quick," he replied.

You glanced at the baby monitor on the counter that was silent. Then you looked back at him and spread your legs for him. He pushed his sweats down to his thighs, revealing his erection. He lined himself up with your slit before pushing into you. You gasped a little.

It had been months since you had sex with him. And this wasn't I love you sex but I need a release sex. It was quick and rough as he plowed into you. Your kisses were short and hungry. Desperate. Your nails scraped his chest as he made you orgasm and his orgasm quickly followed yours.

The both of you were panting once you were done. His lips attached themselves to your neck, planting soft kisses on your skin. You moaned a little and tilted your head back to give him access.

But then the baby monitor was filled with sound. Matti was crying. You groaned a little bit in exhaustion and you went to move off the counter but he squeezed your thighs lightly, "I'll get him."

You nodded and he left. Matti, like clockwork, needed to be changed at around six in the morning. Then he'd go back to sleep for about twenty minutes before he'd cry again to be fed. You rested for a couple of minutes before you got up to take another shower.

When you got out and you were actually dressed, you went to the baby room. You found Lukas holding Matti against his chest and rubbing his back as he slept ever so soundly. You smiled as you saw it.

You watched them for a few more moments before Matti started to cry. You stepped in and took him before you fed him. Breastfeeding was a long process that took about forty minutes and you were doing this eight to twelve times a day. It was a lot but you were always quite happy (even though exhausted) as you cooed at your baby boy and gazed at him lovingly.

Your baby boy was the center of your whole world. A week later you found out you were pregnant again, an accident. But it didn't matter; being a mother made you happy. This pregnancy (and every other) was much easier and less intense; you became a mother that actually didn't mind being pregnant. You would have another boy, Julian, that also became your greatest treasure in life.

After having Julian, like clockwork, you got pregnant again only six weeks later. You had another boy named Elias. After giving birth to him, you moved with Lukas into another house.

The one he had contained a lot of open space in the living room and such but very little bedrooms. They needed something bigger and more comfortable for a family. This new house also had an art studio. You were overjoyed with it.

Almost as soon as you moved in, you got pregnant again. You had another boy named Nikolaj. Then you got pregnant a fifth time and finally had a girl. She was named Annika.

After her, you had two more boys one after the other. Tobias and Henrik. When you were pregnant with Henrik, you had gone to New York with Lukas. He had something to do with Waystar. You went shopping while he was in his meeting. Mattias, now almost seven, wanted to go with you and so did Nikolaj, who was almost three. Nikolaj was extremely attached to you and shy. So you took the both of them with you while you left the rest with Freya who had became something of a nanny.

When you were out with them, you were approached by a man in the store. You had caught him talking to Mattias. He had an odd smile on his face as he went to reach for him, "You look so much like your father."

"Mattias, come here," your voice was stern as you grabbed his hand and tugged him behind you. You already held Nikolaj, propping him up on your hip.

"Leave my kids alone please," you tried staying cordial with him.

"You have another one," he smiled even wider as his eye twitched. "He has his blonde hair. And you have another one growing..."

He quickly reached out and placed his hand on your pregnant belly. You gasped before stepping back and you smacked his hand away, "Don't ever touch me."

His smile turned to a frown, "You bitch. They're ours. You can't keep them from us."

He went to lunge for you, his hands reaching for your neck, but you quickly let go of Mattias and punched him. Then you grabbed Mattias, gripping his hand so tightly, and rushed out of there. You went to the car where Sven, your driver, was there. The man had followed you and Sven wrestled him to the ground. He kept him there until the cops came.

An ambulance even came. They doctored up your hand as Sven watched your kids. Apparently, you had sprained it from hitting the guy so hard in the face.

Then Lukas showed up. The boys took off towards him as soon as they saw him. He crouched down and hugged them both tightly to him, "My boys. Are you hurt? Did you get hurt?"

He let go of them to turn their hands from side to side, inspecting them for any injuries. Nikolaj spoke, "Mommy saved us."

Mattias added on, "Mom is hurt. She punched him."

"Come here," he picked Nikolaj up and held him. He placed his hand on the back of Mattias to shuffle him forward to the ambulance.

Lukas found you and looked at your hand, "You're hurt. It is broken?"

"It's just a sprain," you assured.

He sighed before he leaned over and kissed the top of your head. Then he did it again seemingly just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"And the baby?"

"He's fine. He's tough," you smiled as you rubbed your belly with your non-sprained hand.

He sighed again before he picked up Mattias as well. Mattias laid his head on his shoulder as he held both of his boys tightly.

"You're never going fucking anywhere alone again."

"Dad said a bad word," Mattias smirked.

"Yeah, I did. But I'm mad right now," Lukas explained.

"Alright," you agreed as you stared at your boys. You never wanted anything to happen to any of your children.

It had been some deranged fanboy of Lukas that had did it. He went to jail for a year. After that situation, you always had security now.

Nothing bad had happened again and a couple of months later, you gave birth to Henrik. You got pregnant one last time and had a girl. She was named Linnea.

After her, you had decided that eight kids was enough. You had your tubes tied in a procedure. You were no longer having anymore kids and you didn't have to worry about contraception.

Now you just raised your babies. You took them camping or taught them how to paint. Lukas played video games or soccer with the boys. You would have a family night where you played a board game which got very animated. All of them seemed to have a competitive streak in them.

They all had the blond hair of Lukas and his bright blue eyes. But they had your facial features like dimpled cheeks and little noses. They were absolutely adorable. They all got the tall gene, too, so you were the only one in the family that was short.

You were so happy and you gave them all the love you had. You made sure that each one of them knew that they could choose whatever path they wanted. Lukas did, too. If they didn't want to go into business, they didn't have to.

For example, Tobias had gotten really into soccer. You along with Lukas attended each one of his games. He actually ended up becoming a major soccer player.

Each one of your kids was well-adjusted and they all chose their own paths. Not a single one of them took over the business. Lukas had actually ended up selling the whole thing, Gojo and Waystar, and got a massive payout.

When the kids all moved out, you and Lukas downsized to another house. You didn't need one so big anymore. You just lived your life with Lukas and checked in on your kids constantly. You always had to know what they were doing. You wanted to make sure they were happy like you were.

But the years went on. You would go on hikes with Lukas or cozy up to watch a movie. They were very lowkey when the kids moved out. You still did a lot of painting.

You grew old with Lukas until, well, you couldn't. When you were in your late sixties, he passed away. You supposed you weren't necessarily surprised because there was the large age gap between them but it still hurt. You were lonely for a long time. You lived alone and did everything alone.

When you got a bit older and you couldn't even paint because of the arthritis in your hands, you moved in with Nikolaj. He took care of you until you passed as well. In the those last few months, you held a deep longing. Because the gravity that always held you to the Earth was no longer there. It was in your memories. And you died in your sleep with a smile on your face. You let gravity take you to that place in your mind, the one with Lukas, and you died swimming in the pictures and moments of your life forever.

It was peaceful. It was a life worth living. And you hoped your children found a gravity that made them happy with life like you did.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Nineteen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen

Warnings: smut (18+)

You met with your siblings one morning to go over who was doing the big speech for the funeral. You immediately denied it and took your name out of the running. You were never a big public speaker anyways; you hated it, in fact. You liked privacy.

But the meeting was interesting because as soon as Connor saw you, he smiled a bit teasingly, "Ellie, your first boyfriend, uh? I want you to know that if you're happy then I'm happy."

"Thanks, Con," you smiled.

"Oh, yeah. You decided to go public with Matsson," Roman said. "You know that's going to epically crash and burn, right?"

"Shut up, Roman," you bristled.

You did not know how they knew that she decided to go public with Lukas. Did Lukas say something to them that you didn't know about?

Roman merely smirked, "What? I'm just saying."

"Okay, we get it. Leave her alone," Shiv defended you.

Then Kendall showed up. He seemed to have a bit of popularity following Investor Day about Living+ but you didn't know what occurred. You didn't watch the stream of that.

"Hey, traitor," he said coolly as he sat down, staring at you. "You really decided to buckle down with the enemy, uh? Real smart, El."

You huffed and stood up, "Nice to see you guys, too."

Then you walked away to leave and heard Connor stated, "Ah, man. Why did you two have to do that?"

You walked out the door of the restaurant. You no longer cared what your siblings thought. You wanted them to accept your relationship, of course, but you could go without it. You still wondered how they even found out that you were public with Lukas.

_____

Tonight was the tailgate party and Shiv was hosting. Lukas texted you that he was going. You said that you were not. You did not want to see Lukas, trying to put off the inevitable. You felt that if you saw him then all of your problems would come to surface and you wanted to live in happy, everything is fine land. You laid in despair about it for a while.

But then you huffed and crawled out of bed, deciding you would go. You were going to find out once and for all where you and Lukas stood. It was eating you up inside not knowing. You couldn't take it and you didn't want to hide away from the truth anymore.

You had been in a nightgown and you didn't feel like changing. So you put on a black trench coat that when down to your knees and buttoned it up. Then you slipped on some heels and went on your way. Your driver was probably sleeping wherever he lived and you didn't want to wake him; that would be rude. So you just took a taxi.

When you got there, you were immediately bombarded by your two brothers. As soon as they saw you, they told you the news.

"Hey, you're here," Roman stated a bit excitedly. "Did you know your new boyfriend is creeping on his comms director? Sending her blood and shit?"

"Yeah, El, we just found out," Kendall said more softly and reached to place to a hand on your shoulder. "We wanted you to know. We're sorry."

You shrugged off his hand as you glared a bit, "You're not sorry. You only want me to know because you think it'll make me break up with Lukas. Well, it won't. So leave me alone."

"Fine," Kendall back up and grabbed Roman. "Fine, El. But I think you're making a mistake."

They left her and you stood there in the hallway with a frown. Who was the comms director again? Then it came to you. Ebba. The one Lukas hardly ever let you be around. He'd always interrupt if you had started talking to her and pull you away. You wondered why. But it seemed obvious now: he didn't want you to know that behind your back he was sending her things. Another girl.

You stomped off looking for the Swede. It was easy to find him when he, Oskar, and Greg were shouting the name of the comms director as a sort of joke, harassing the woman. Ebba retorted as she left that she wished Lukas would fire her. You couldn't help but think that if she hated it so much, why didn't she just quit?

You shook your head from those thoughts as you approached the couches. You stopped and placed your hands in your pockets. Lukas went back on his phone but Oskar nudged him, noticing you.

Lukas turned his head to see you and he immediately stood. His eyes lit up a bit as he saw you but replied a bit nervously, "Hey. I, uh, didn't think you were coming."

You gave him a hard stare, "We need to talk."

You turned and walked off. He was left to scramble after you. But his long strides easily caught up with you as he muttered quietly, "Why are we rushing? What's wrong?"

You didn't answer him. You merely took him into an empty room and he closed the door as he asked, "Did I do something?"

You stood in the middle of the room and you slowly turned to him with accusing eyes, "Are you sending blood to Ebba?"

He was silent for a moment before he corrected, "I was."

"Why?"

"It was just a sort of nasty joke," he justified, scratching the side of his forehead, before he shrugged. "But it's over. It's been over. It stopped when we started dating."

"But why to her?" you questioned. "She's your comms director but that's not all, is it?"

He was tongue-tied, opening and closing his mouth before he admitted, "We...dated. For a little bit. But it ended. It doesn't matter anymore. Can we not talk about this?"

"When did it end?" you pressed.

He bit his lip as he revealed, "When I touched you for the first time."

Your eyes widened as you realized, "You cheated on her?"

"Ella..." he stepped closer to you.

He went to reach for you but you snapped at him, "No."

"If you cheated on her, what would ever stop you from cheating on me?" you replied. "Have you?"

"No," he immediately denied. "And I wouldn't. I couldn't do that to you."

You stared at him before your eyes softened, "I don't want you sending anything to anyone else. Ever."

"Done," he agreed before he said quietly. "Can I...talk now?"

You nodded. You took a deep breath. Just peel off the bandaid, Ella. A broken heart would only hurt for a moment, wouldn't it?

"Okay," you said before you blurted out. "You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"

"What? No."

"But you don't want me anymore," you stated as tears gathered in your eyes. "You apologized in Norway for sleeping with me."

"I wasn't apologizing about that. I said I was sorry because I didn't use a fucking condom," he stated. "I didn't want you to get pregnant again until you were ready but I was fucking high so..."

"But you're mad at me, aren't you?" tears finally fell down your cheeks. "For losing the baby?"

"Ella, I'd never be mad at you for that," he said as he stepped closer again, wiping your tears with his thumbs. "Why would you ever think that?"

"You barely visited me after the accident," you started to sob a little bit. "You wouldn't even kiss me. You weren't there for me. You weren't there."

He swallowed, "Ella, I was trying to give you space. I know...I know I am terrible with boundaries and I didn't want to smother you."

"It's not smothering if it's smothering with love," you argued. "Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

"No, I don't."

"Ella, I fucking love you."

"Then please always smother me. Smother me so much I'll never know a day without love. Can you do that? Can you please?" you begged him with tears falling down your cheeks again.

"You'll grow tired of me."

"Never," you promised. "I love you too much."

"Then, yes," he replied softly. "But I can't do that halfway across the world, Ella. I don't think you need to be in New York anymore. What's here for you besides your shitty fucking siblings?"

"Lukas," you scolded.

"Move to Sweden with me," he pleaded.

"You want me to live with you?" you doubted.

You couldn't help it. Doubting was ingrained into your brain. You always expected the worst. Always expected that no one wanted you.

"Ella, yes," he smiled a bit. "Of course, I want you to live with me. I'd even fucking ask you to marry me if I thought you'd say yes. I don't care if people say we're moving too quick. Fuck them. I know what I want..."

"Yes," you blurted out.

"Yes? Yes to what?"

"All of it. Yes," you smiled. "I'll live with you. I'll marry you. Yes."

"Wait, really?" he questioned if he was dreaming as he started to grin.

"Yes!" you giggled before you grabbed him, looping your arms around his neck, and pulling him down to your level as you kissed him. He immediately scooped you up, holding you to him as he straightened and your feet were now dangling off the ground.

The kiss was soft and slow. You still had a smile as you kissed him. You were eaten alive by butterflies and your heart pumped fast. Every part of you, every cell, felt alive as if electrified by joy.

When you pulled away a bit, Lukas was panting which made you smile wider. You pressed a kiss to his cheek as he recovered, "I'm gonna need a ring, you know."

"Yeah. Tomorrow," he breathed out.

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes. Tomorrow," he explained. "Like I'm fucking waiting to put a ring on your finger."

You giggled a bit at his eagerness and pressed another kiss to his lips. It was short this time before you ran your hand slowly down his chest and muttered suggestively, "You want to get out of here now? Because I really hate this jacket and I want to take it off of you."

It was a gold monstrosity and you frowned as you glanced at it. How could he decide this was acceptable to wear? You didn't know. But you kind of appreciated the fact that Lukas just did not give a fuck what he wore. He didn't care what people thought and did what he wanted; it was something you admired.

"Yeah. Let's do that. Yes," he set you on the ground.

He grabbed your hand and quickly pulled you out of the room. Now he was the one rushing which made you smile before you frowned as you stared the jacket again.

You tugged at the jacket, "We need to burn this."

"Burn it. Throw it away. I don't give a fuck," he stated nonchalantly.

You pressed into his side as you went to leave with him. His arm wrapped around you. Before you could leave with him, Shiv stopped the two of you.

"Hey," she smiled slightly, greeting the two of you, before looking at Lukas. "So I need to talk to you?"

"It can wait."

"No, it really fucking can't."

"Make it wait then."

You placed a calming hand on his lower torso by his hip over his tank-top that he wore under the jacket, "Lukas, it's okay. Go."

He stared down at you before he leaned down. He kissed you shortly (which made Shiv widen her eyes at the two of you because the open display of affection was new), "We'll leave after, okay?"

You nodded and then he walked off with Shiv. It wasn't long before you were approached by Kendall. He pulled you away to talk with you a bit privately.

"Hey, did you talk to Lukas? Did he confirm it?"

"Yes and yes, he did."

He nodded before saying, "So you broke it off with him?"

"No," you denied before you smiled widely. "I'm marrying him."

Kendall sputtered, "What? El. That's fucking insane. Why would you do that?"

"I love him, Kendall. Get over it," you crossed your arms.

"Well, don't expect me at the fucking wedding."

"Fine," you swallowed, hurt at his words before walking away.

You decided to get a drink. You needed one. You got some of the wine they served even though you weren't really a wine person and guzzled the wine in the glass in one go. You set the wine glass down before you heard Roman talking to Connor rather horribly. Lukas saw you and stood up; he hadn't found you after talking to Shiv so he talked to Ebba about the numbers leak in India. He was going to go to you but you approached them.

You approached your brother and said softly, "Roman, it's Connor. He's your brother. Be nice."

"You should just shut up," Roman lashed out. "No one even cares what you think."

You felt like his words slapped you and you blinked. No one cares what you think. Tears formed in your eyes.

Connor defended you, "Don't talk to your sister that way."

"Rome, easy," Kendall said.

You didn't even notice Lukas coming up behind you. You felt his hand on the small of your back.

"Really? You talk to your sister like that?" Lukas said as he wrapped his arms around you like a cocoon and used his words to hit Roman where it would hurt. "Your father may have been a prick but at least he never talked to her like that. You really are a fail-son, aren't you?"

"Hey, why don't you go fuck yourself, yeah?" Roman said. "Oh, right, you have my sister for that."

Your jaw dropped. You were utterly speechless. How could Roman even say that? How could he talk to you with such disregard? You didn't even know how to respond. Lukas did it for you, though.

"Yes, I have your sister by my side," Lukas grinned. "Pity that after tonight you won't."

Then Lukas guided you away and they left the party. Your heart was beating so fast yet you did not speak. You couldn't. You barely even blinked. Maybe you were in shock.

In the elevator, he stood beside you and he tilted your head up. He placed his hands on your cheeks as he called, "Ella."

You didn't respond and he called again with more force. You finally moved and hugged him tightly while burying your head against his chest as you muttered, "Don't let go of me."

He kissed the top of your head as he held you tightly, "Never."

_____

He took you to your apartment. He was going to stay with you. You walked in a bit solemnly.

You turned to him and questioned nervously, "Did you still want to marry me with my crazy family?"

"It's always yes, Ella."

Your heart felt like it inflated at his answer. Your whole body filled with warmth. Butterflies erupted.

You smiled as you took off your coat, revealing your nightgown. It had a lot of cleavage and a lot of side-boob on display.

"You were wearing that the whole time? To a party?"

"I didn't want to change," you pouted.

He grinned before he scooped you up with his arms around your waist, "You're so fucking perfect."

You blushed before you looped your arms around him and kissed him. It was soft and slow before it turned more hungry and passionate. He carried you to your bedroom as his lips trailed down to your neck and tipped your head back to give him more access. He nipped and sucked at the delicate skin, no doubt blazing a path of hickeys.

He set you down on your feet in front of the bed. Then he reached for the hem of your nightgown and you raised your arms as he peeled it off of you. You were completely bare now and once exposed to the air, your breasts hardened.

He bit his lip at the sight of you and you giggled a bit at the look in his eyes like he was drunk at the sight of you. Like he was in awe even though your body was nothing new to his eyes. You didn't know that he was always in awe of you even just by standing next to him.

You walked backwards and got on the bed before scooting backwards. All the while you kept your gaze trained with his. When you were planted in the middle, you laid back and spread your legs slowly for him. He was hypnotized.

He quickly got rid of his tank-top (he had already removed his jacket when they entered). Then he pulled out a condom from his pocket (in case of emergency with you) before pushing his sweatpants down. He stepped out of them before quickly crawling on the bed and hovering over you in between your legs.

His lips attacked your skin, starting at your neck before moving down to your breasts as his free hand ran up and down your hip. You could feel his bulge against you but he still had his boxers on. You tugged them down, letting his erection spring out. You immediately rubbed yourself against him, spreading your wetness and his pre-cum on the lips of your pussy.

"Ella," he groaned a bit.

You pushed at his chest, forcing him to lay next to you. You had straddled him and you lined yourself up with his cock.

"Ella, no. Fuck, wait," he said and you paused.

He tore open a condom with his teeth which you thought was very hot. You didn't know why; maybe it was the barbarity of it. But it made you wetter and it seeped out down your thighs.

"Why are we using a condom? We never do," you questioned.

"You're not on birth control."

"But I'm marrying you. I want to have babies with you."

"Ella, just let me be good for you," he said as he applied the condom.

Good for you? Was he not good for you before? You blinked before you realized something.

"Lukas," you said slowly. "Did you know I could get pregnant when I was on birth control?"

He seemed to freeze beneath you. It was practically an admission in and of itself. He wanted you to get pregnant. But why?

He was silent for a moment as he avoided your eyes, "Yes."

"If you knew then...oh my god, you were trying to trap me with a baby, weren't you?" you smacked at his chest. "You ass."

You climbed off of him and off the bed. He scrambled after you. You put your nightgown back on.

"It was...it was bad. I know," Lukas frowned with a pout. "It was definitely bad. I'm sorry."

"Why did you want to trap me with a baby?"

"Isn't it fucking obvious?" Lukas stated. "Ella, I want you. Like in a fucking forever type way."

He was trying to trap you because he wanted you tied to him. He wanted you. There was something wrong with you but it just made you want him more. You wondered if you had some type of chemical that was coded for Lukas. And to hear that he wanted you forever, your heart literally skipped.

You stepped closer and looked at him carefully, "Say it again."

"I'm all fucked up for you," he promised. "Forever, hjärtat."

You jumped him then and wrapped your legs around his waist. You kissed him deeply. He moaned a little bit into the kiss. Then his lips moved to your neck again as he muttered, "You forgive me?"

"I forgive you. I forgive you," you repeated quickly as you felt his hardened dick against you.

He thanked whatever God that you forgave him. Not only because he did, in fact, want you forever but also because he swore his dick was going to fall off from being blue-balled if he didn't get to fuck you right now.

He lined himself up with your slit and pushed in. You gasped as you felt the tip of his dick slide into you and the lips of your pussy suctioned around him, sucking him in. Your nails scraped his shoulders. He felt a little different with a condom on but, nevertheless, amazing inside of you. As he pushed in, he lifted your nightgown again and took it off.

You were now bare and you were reminded of your painfully erect nipples as they pressed into his chest. One of his hands came up and cupped one of them before pinching and flicking the nipple. You let out a little moan.

Once he was fully inside of you, he stayed still. A heat built up in your lower belly, an anticipation, and more of your slick leaked out and onto your thighs.

You littered the base of his neck with kisses as you pleaded, "Lukas, please."

He acquiesced to your request. He turned and he had to remove his dick from your pussy as he laid you on the bed. Then he climbed on top of you and slid his dick back in. You moaned again. And he started to thrust back and forth. They were fast, rough thrusts. You wondered if this was make-up sex because if so then it was wonderful.

"You're still marrying me?" he questioned as his lips seemed to mark every inch of your skin.

"Yes, Lukas. Yes," you panted.

His dick kept hitting a spongy spot inside of you that made you feel like your insides turned inside out and your heart flipped. And that heat kept building. Finally, it happened as your whole body felt white hot and you moaned his name. Your leg spasmed and your back arched as your eyes rolled back. Tears fell down your cheeks in pleasure.

Your pussy clenched around his dick and wetness seeped out as you came hard, coating your thighs and the sheets. He groaned as you did so and he gave you three more powerful thrusts that felt like he was trying to fuck you through the bed before he came.

You didn't feel the gush of his seed fill you. But you felt his cock pulse and throb as his sperm filled the condom instead of you. Finally, he started to soften before he pulled out of you.

He kissed you as he did so. The two of you kissed for a long while. With a lot of tongue. You let out a tiny moan, liking his tongue in your mouth a little bit too much. You let him devour you. And that continued all night long.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Seventeen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen

Warnings: smut (18+), communication issues galore, toxic dependency issues, grief

AN: had to include this lovely gif

You didn't even work at Waystar anymore so you were not on the list to come to Norway. You had been intending to help Connor at the funeral home and make sure their father looked right. But Roman showed up and practically dragged you with him to the airport despite your protests about it; he had even taken your phone so you couldn't tell Lukas you were coming.

Roman said it would be a happy surprise for Lukas. You ignored him. You were taking deep breaths in the car as you felt panic. You did not want to see Lukas and have the inevitable come true: where he told you he didn't want you anymore.

"I don't know why you're freaking out. He'll love it and then he'll be all buttered up for the deal," Roman smirked at his own plan.

"It won't happen," you denied. "He won't care that much."

"Yeah. Sure," he responded sarcastically.

You huffed and turned away to stare out the window. You did not want to do this. You weren't even invited. It was rude. You were being rude and Lukas was going to resent you for it. Yet you knew Roman would not let you go home. You were trapped into this it seemed.

_____

When they arrived at the airport, Kendall gave your youngest brother a look, "Rome, seriously?"

"You can't deny that it's good strategy," Roman said.

Kendall deliberated for a moment before he sighed. Roman did make a point. Matsson had this weird fixation on you that Kendall assumed was because the man wanted to get into your pants (not because the two of you were friends like you said); he believed, as did the rest of your siblings, that you were too oblivious to any advances and it couldn't hurt to have you come along.

So you were brought along with them to this retreat. You wore a beige dress (that Roman picked out and told you to wear) and some tan boots; you also had a tan trench coat. You fumbled with your hands the whole time on the plane. You were nervous.

You didn't like this. You didn't like being used like this but it did make you feel important to your siblings. Yet it did not make you feel good about coming along. You supposed you let it happen because despite your doubts about what he would say to you, the urge to see Lukas was far too strong.

When you got to Norway, you stared out the window at the scenery as the car drove to the retreat destination. It was quite beautiful and your fingers itched to draw it. It made you calm.

Once they reached the retreat destination, you got out of the car with your siblings. You tried to hide behind them. You didn't want to be noticed. But Oskar was the one directing people where to go and he noticed you.

"Ella," he said in surprise. "We were not expecting you."

"I...Sorry."

Oskar was glad that you were here. Lukas had been difficult and was in a frenzy because you had not been answering your phone for hours. The tech CEO had even ordered his workers to call you. Since Roman took your phone, you had no idea that Lukas had been calling you nearly a hundred times and left you probably a thousand texts. (Roman had turned your phone off though when he took it and didn't even know this was happening.)

"You'll go on this one," Oskar directed you to a golf cart that you sat in alone with only the driver. "You'll go to the top."

The golf cart took off and you saw Oskar call someone quickly. He was probably telling Lukas you were here. You wondered if he was mad; he probably was going to be.

The driver took you to the gondola lift. You went on it. You stared out at the valley below as it slowly took you to a building on top of the mountain. The closer the gondola got to the building, the faster your heart started to race.

And then you were there, stepping into the building. As soon as you did so, you heard the call of your name. You didn't notice how he said it in relief as you found him walking towards you. You didn't notice how quickly he was walking like a man starved or excited.

You were oblivious as you froze. The first urge you felt as you stared at him was to run to him and hug him. But you resisted. He probably didn't want to hug you. So you slowly, stiffly, walked towards him to meet him in the middle.

"Hi," you avoided his gaze as you said meekly and you didn't notice him grinning at just seeing you.

"What are you doing? Come here," Lukas said like you were being silly before he pulled you into a hug with him, lifting you off your feet as he held you.

You were surprised. But you melted into him almost immediately and wrapped your arms around his neck. You let out a content sigh as you nuzzled the side of your face into the crook of his shoulder.

But then you realized what you were doing. You were being clingy. Wasn't that a thing that no one liked clingy girlfriends? You immediately let go of him, pushing away to drop to your feet and he formed a small frown as you did so.

"I've been calling you," he addressed. "Why haven't you answered?"

"Oh, um, Roman took my phone," you said, focusing on the scenery again as you stuck your hands in your pockets. "He, um, wanted you to be surprised when you saw me."

Lukas hummed a bit in frustration, "Ella, you do see that your siblings are using you to try to get at me, right?"

"Yes," you looked down. "But it doesn't matter what they want. I just...I think I just wanted to see you. And I saw you so I can leave if you don't want me here..."

"No. Fuck no. Ella, I don't give a fuck if you're here. I like that you're here," he replied. "I just...I want you to see that you have shitty fucking siblings."

"They're still my siblings, Lukas," you defended slightly.

"Ella..."

He got cut off when the rest of your siblings arrived along with the old guard. You walked away from Lukas as Kendall questioned, "Ella?"

"I was just greeting Lukas," you replied with a small smile as you moved past them to stand a little bit away at the window. You completely dissociated and you didn't notice Lukas kept his eyes on you as you walked away and it took him a moment before he recovered and greeted your siblings like nothing had happened.

_____

You had gone back down the lift with Shiv. She had placed an arm around you and guided you away from the window, "Hey, come on. Let's let the boys be boys."

So you were back down below. The negotiations that had taken place up top were over and everyone was outside on the grounds in the valley. Lukas had approached you and wanted to talk which you had agreed to but Kendall called you away. You told Lukas you would meet him at night in his cabin.

But you were now off to the side a bit watching the water rush in the river with your hands in your pockets. You didn't notice Lukas kept glancing at you.

Even though he was practically twenty feet away from you, it felt like a chasm was between them. There was a black hole that you didn't know how to navigate around.

You were interrupted from your thoughts when Greg approached you, "Hey, here's your beer."

"Why are you giving me a beer?" you asked as you took it. You didn't even like beer.

"Oh, well, Roman said to get you one...so I got you one," Greg explained as you heard the movement of a chair. "If it's not to your liking, I can get you another one, of course."

You looked towards the noise to find Lukas had risen from his seat rather abruptly. He was tense while staring at you and Greg with a hard gaze. He muttered something in Swedish to the rest of the people at the table he sat at before he moved to get another beer. You suddenly realized why Roman sent Greg over to you; Lukas did not know Greg was your cousin and would think he was some random guy that you brought along.

You felt angry tears build up at the fact that Roman was now using you to see if Lukas would be jealous. You glanced at your siblings before you made a beeline for them. You practically slammed the beer down on the table they were at.

"Jesus, Ellie," Shiv said.

"My phone," you held out your hand as you stared at Roman coldly. He sighed and relinquished it to you. You took it.

You then took off your trench coat and draped it over the table. Kendall zeroed in on the scar on your arm, "Uh, maybe you should keep that on, El, okay?"

"Why?" you furrowed your eyebrows. "It's not like Dad is around to care anymore."

Kendall and Shiv were shocked into silence. Roman raised his eyebrows as you started to put your hair into a ponytail, "Wow. And what exactly is it that you're doing?"

You mocked with a smile, "What do you mean, Rome? What should I be doing? Fucking Lukas?"

And you walked off as Roman blinked, "Did she just say fuck?"

You walked off a little ways to the archery course. It was something you had learned with Uncle Ewan. It made you focus and concentrate on the world around you. But right now your only focus was anger. You picked up the bow so quickly and notched the arrow, taking a deep breath before letting it fly and hit the target with such force. Bullseye.

"Okay, I think I can say that she has completely lost it," Roman commented to his siblings as they watched you in the distance.

"Did anyone know she could shoot?" Kendall questioned.

You notched another arrow in rapid succession. Bullseye.

"Roman, what did you do to make her so upset?" Shiv asked.

You notched another. Bullseye.

"Me? I think it's safe to say she's picturing all of our faces right now," Roman said.

You put down the bow and walked back to them with a bit of a skip in your step. You had a wide smile on your face that made you look a bit deranged. You grabbed your coat and put it on.

"I feel much better now," you said a bit joyfully.

"Oh, so violently shooting arrows makes you feel better. That's great," Roman stated.

"What was that?" Shiv asked.

"Yeah, what the Hell, El?" Kendall asked.

"It's a retreat, guys," you smiled prettily like you didn't know what they were talking about. "It's called having fun. Maybe you should try it sometime."

And you walked away from them, leaving them blinking after you a bit in shock. You wanted to be far away from them at the moment. You walked past the table where Lukas sat and his eyes followed you just as Tom sat down.

"Did she just suggest we don't know how to have fun?" Roman stated.

Kendall gave him a look, "I think that was obvious, Rome."

Kendall then had to get involved in the Tom and Greg debacle when Lukas made a joke. It led them to everyone clearing out so the siblings could talk to Lukas privately about the deal.

Things were tense as between Lukas and the two brothers as the talk ended. But Lukas just had to say something and make it even more tense.

"Real cool dragging your suicidal sister halfway across the world by the way," Lukas commented.

"We know how to take care of our sister, okay?" Kendall defended. "And she's not suicidal."

Lukas chuckled like Kendall told a joke and nodded sarcastically, "Right. Yeah. Sure."

"And she's really not any of your business, man," Kendall argued.

"No?" Lukas grinned in amusement as he thought of how you were very much his business considering he was dating you.

"No," Kendall denied.

_____

The sky was now starting to darken and it was drizzling rain. You were under the overhang as music played. It was where you had gone before and danced a little bit. You now stood on the edge of the overhang and held your hand out to let the rain fall onto your skin with a small smile.

Lukas was talking to Shiv about the deal and could not help but watch you. He hadn't been able to keep his eyes off of you. Even less so when you smiled; you were riveting when you did so. And it made him satisfied that you were, at least, happy about something.

Shiv noticed and commented, "A little too protective over my sister, don't you think?"

"It's a...it's a complicated issue," Lukas stated before he mused. "Actually, it's not. It's simple. I like her. And I get a little insane, I guess, about her sometimes."

"Uh huh."

Then Lukas grinned like a shark at Shiv, "But, of course, you and the Two Stooges know that or you wouldn't have brought her here. Trying to soften me up. It's smart. Your father was going to do it, too."

"Yeah. Maybe," Shiv replied coolly but she liked the idea of being compared to Logan.

Lukas brought Shiv back to his cabin at the very top of hill to talk about the deal. He sat on the couch and he took a hit of cocaine. Then Shiv told him a bit about her situation with Tom. To relate, Lukas began to speak and he had slightly loose lips because he was currently high.

"So I'm dating this girl," Lukas revealed. "At first, I was just in it for the sex, you know. And it sort of just creeped up on me, I guess. I don't know. Yet I...I really fucking love her. I do."

He bit his lip nervously as he thought of you, "But I, I did something before we were even dating. And I don't think she'd ever forgive me if she found out."

Shiv was silent for a moment before she questioned, "So you're dating someone yet you're totally interested in my sister?"

Lukas grinned, "Well, your sister is a, uh, very special case."

Shiv hummed before you entered the cabin, calling his name, "Lukas!"

You were tired yet you wanted to see Lukas. You didn't think you could talk to him during the day, out in the open. It was nighttime now and you thought it would be okay. You figured that Oskar had your bags delivered to wherever Lukas was staying, anyways (and you were right).

Lukas stood to attention as soon as he heard your voice call his name. And his eyes did not leave you like you were his only rapture as you entered, taking off your coat.

You were surprised when you saw your sister and you paused in your step, "...and Shiv."

"Ellie," she furrowed her eyebrows. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, well, since I wasn't expected to come. They didn't know where to put me," you lied. "So they put me here and Lukas is going to sleep on the couch."

"Uh huh," Shiv studied you. You were always oblivious and it sounded like a scheme that Lukas had cooked up to sleep under the same roof as you. Shiv didn't believe anything would happen because you never noticed when someone was flirting with you. So Shiv trusted you to be alone.

Shiv stood, "Well, then I'll get out of here and let you go to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

Lukas was still staring at you and still standing. You waited for Shiv to leave before you approached Lukas, putting your coat on the table, and now that you were with him, their argument from this morning didn't really matter. It seemed to fade away; it seemed so trivial when all you wanted to do was just spend time with him.

Did it make you sad that he had to lecture you about your siblings? Yes. But you couldn't change that and you couldn't be mad at him for suggesting that your siblings were bad for you. They were. You knew that. But really you just couldn't be mad at him at all. You wondered if there was anything that would make you truly mad at him.

He asked as you approached, "I'm not actually sleeping on the couch, am I?"

"No," you giggled as you sat down on the couch and he only sat back down now that you did.

"Good. That's good," he stared at you intensely with his pupils blown before he smiled. "You look so pretty."

He reached out to tuck your hair behind your ear before caressing your cheek as he pouted, "Couldn't keep my eyes off of you. It was so fucking difficult, Ella."

You stared at him before squinting your eyes, "Are you high?"

"Um," he avoided your gaze nervously as he hunched over while sitting like he was about to be scolded. "Yeah. Yes. I am. Yeah."

You stared at him, deciding you could have fun with this as you asked, "So am I the prettiest girl in the world or...how pretty are we talking?"

"Of course you are. Stupid question. Completely dumb," he argued.

You smiled and he traced your lips, "So beautiful."

You lost the ability to breathe with his fingers on your skin. And you noticed something on his wrist. The bracelet. It was a silver bracelet with a heart pendant. You had a matching one on your wrist.

When you'd been pregnant, you had seen matching bracelets in a storefront and couldn't help but buy them. It was the hormones that made you do it because normally you would have never have bought him something that he could reject.

And you had never had a boyfriend before. You'd never been able to do cute cringey things with someone. The only experience you had were romantic movies. Well, you saw the relationship between Shiv and Tom along with all your father's many marriages and you wanted neither of those. You wanted something real where there was no cheating; you wanted someone to be yours just as you were theirs.

So you had gotten them matching bracelets. You thought it was romantic and you were so happy about it. When you first got them, Lukas didn't have the heart to tell you that he thought it was stupid. So the next day he hadn't worn it and because of the hormones of your pregnancy, you were upset and you cried. He immediately wore it to appease you but then he wore it every day since; he even wore it in the shower because he never wanted to see you cry.

But you had been paranoid ever since then. You avoided looking at his wrist. You didn't want to see it not be there like you suspected.

But here it was, on his wrist still. You didn't want to read too much into it. Maybe he just forget it was there and didn't take it off. Maybe it was habit. You refused to believe it was because he cared about you.

You swallowed and looked into his very dilated eyes. You realized you could ask him anything and he would tell you truthfully. You thought of asking him if he loved you but you did not want to know the response so you requested what you had wanted for ages. What you wanted as you gazed at his lips.

"Kiss me," you uttered.

He seemed to hesitate before he leaned towards you. He did it ever so slowly. You were breathing so heavily in anticipation as his nose brushed yours. Then he brushed his lips against yours before finally, finally, kissing you.

He kissed you slowly and softly like you were delicate. It made your heart skip a beat. You felt like you were melting as a warmth spread through your veins and butterflies erupted in your stomach.

You moved to straddle him and he leaned his head back against the couch as the two of you continued to kiss. You still kissed slowly and sensually but you were a bit greedy, pushing your lips a little more deeply to his. You ran your fingers through his hair before moving them down to tug at his sweater and he peeled it off for you.

There was a momentary pause where they had to break apart and stop kissing as he did so. Then the shirt was gone and you attached yourself to him again. He stood up and wrapped your legs around him before carrying you to the bedroom.

It was dark with no light at all but the tall glass windows let moonlight illuminate the room, casting their shadows on the wall. He set you down as you unzipped your dress and shimmied out of it. He began to undo his pants and take them off but he had paused slightly before continuing as you took off your bra.

Once they were both bare, his eyes drank you in. You were completely mesmerizing. You seemed to glow in the moonlight. He thought if there was a fucking moon goddess, it had to be you. Nothing had ever illuminated the dark so well as you.

He went to place his hands on your hips but he hesitated, "Can I touch you?"

"Please, Lukas."

With your command, he did so. He ran them over your skin so slowly like he hadn't touched you a million times before. Like your skin was new territory he hadn't conquered. Like it was the first time.

With only the moonlight, it all felt cosmic. It felt like the two of you were fated. It felt like he was meant to be touching you.

And as he did so he kissed you again, soft and slow. Then his lips moved down to your jaw, to your neck, to your collarbone, down the valley of your breasts to your stomach. He laid multiple kisses there, delicate kisses, before he moved down.

His head was between your legs and he licked a stripe up the middle between your folds. You gasped and you grabbed his shoulders to keep yourself steady, from collapsing due to your legs feeling like jelly.

"You're so fucking wet," he commented with a small groan.

You didn't respond. Of course you were wet. Of course you were desperate. It had been more than a month since they last had sex and you needed him.

His tongue started to play with your clit. He lavishly pleasured the small bundle of nerves with slow, long licks. You rocked your hips slightly against his mouth. A heat built up in your lower belly ever so slowly until you hit a crescendo and you orgasmed, moaning his name, as your nails dug into his shoulders. Your legs shook and spasmed from the force of it as he licked another stripe over your sex, lapping up the juices you released.

Then he stood and you grabbed him, looping your arms around his neck to bring to him to your level. You kissed him and tasted yourself on his mouth. You liked the thought of you on him. Like he was more yours this way.

He shuffled you backwards until the back of your legs hit the bed. You climbed on it, scooting yourself backwards as he followed, crawling and hovering over you. He took his place between your legs as he took one of your hands and placed it over your head as he entwined it with his; his other hand was planted beside your head. He then rested his forehead against yours as he stared into your eyes.

"Ella," his voice caressed your name and he was looking at you so softly. It was almost like just saying your name became an I love you but you were too stubborn to believe that.

And you felt him insert himself inside of you. You gasped a little as he filled you ever so slowly. It was so slow and torturous that it burned just right and put you deeper into ecstasy than you were.

When he was completely sheathed inside of you, he let you adjust. And then he started to move against you. He barely pulled back before thrusting. They were slow, deep, gentle thrusts and his body was pressed against yours. It felt like he was making love to you.

Even though they had sex before, everything felt so much more intimate. He kept his forehead pressed against yours and you could look into his eyes, his beautiful eyes. You'd kiss periodically or squeeze each other's hand and you fell apart so quickly.

You cried out for him as you orgasmed. And his orgasm followed yours. He groaned loudly as he squeezed your hand tightly and you felt his cock pulse and throb inside of you as his seed filled you.

As soon as he did so, he pulled out of you quickly. You were confused as you panted and so did he. He lifted his head a bit before he kissed your cheek and muttered against your skin, "I'm sorry."

You blinked as he moved to lay beside you. Did he just apologize for having sex with you? You felt hurt as you snuggled up against his side. It felt clear now. He did not care about you. He was just a guy and couldn't resist sex. He did not care. But you did.

_____

You did not sleep at all that night, awake and in agony from the fact that he didn't care. Lukas slept peacefully though. When the sun had started to rise, you got up and stared out the window.

Lukas had stared to blink his eyes open now that you weren't beside him. His eyes immediately found you and he watched you. You had taken the sheet but left him the blanket (always so considerate).

Lukas thought you looked ever so beautiful. Your hair fell down the smooth skin of your back in messy waves but you looked peaceful. You looked ethereal.

"What are you doing up?"

His voice startled you a bit and you turned. You smiled a bit as you glanced back at the window, "It's pretty."

You walked forward and crawled back into bed. You snuggled up against him and he wrapped an arm around you before kissing the top of your head. You shivered a bit.

"You cold?" he stated before, without prompting, he took the blanket that was low on his hips and draped it over you up to your shoulders before pulling you a bit closer to transfer his body heat. "Come here."

It was so considerate and affectionate that it confused you. Was he just being nice because you sex with him? That was probably it.

"Lukas," you said anxiously.

He hummed in acknowledgement.

"You're going up to the top today, right?" you asked. "Can we go now and watch the sun rise?"

He rubbed at his eyes a bit, "You're not tired?"

"No."

"Alright. Yeah," he smiled a bit as he caressed your cheek. "Whatever you want."

And they quickly showered and got dressed before they went to top of the mountain in a helicopter. You had brought your sketchbook with you. You wanted to draw.

At the top, you both sat on a large rock. He sat beside you and wrapped his arm around your waist and his fingers drew circles onto the side of your hip. And they watched the sun rise together.

Lukas watched the look of wonder on your face and he commented in amusement, "You're so fascinated."

"Of course I am."

"But it's not even half as pretty as you," he argued.

"Are you still high?" you asked suspiciously as you blushed.

"No," he chuckled before he leaned in and kissed your cheek softly. "And I still think you're that fucking pretty, Ella. My pretty girl."

Your heart squeezed as you swallowed. He was being so affectionate. You didn't get it. Was it the sex? If it was sex that kept him glued to you, that kept him your Lukas, then you'd let him use your body a million times over just to keep him around.

You didn't care if that made you a whore. You needed Lukas like you needed air. He was the most important thing to you. Without your father, Lukas was the sole gravity that tied you to the Earth. You needed him to want you.

He grabbed your hand and kissed your fingertips, "You should draw. I have to watch this movie your siblings sent in."

You nodded and he went on his phone. You stared at him for a minute, admiring him. He had such pretty eyes in the sunlight. Your heart skipped a beat just staring at him and you were absolutely in love with him even if he wasn't with you.

You swallowed as you turned your head away from him. You began to draw. It included some of the natural landscape but you usually liked to paint a story. You also drew the cliffside and a shadowy figure looking down at the edge, ignoring that beauty in front of them.

You were almost done with it when your brothers arrived. Lukas had removed his arm from you before they saw anything. You continued to draw as they walked off to talk.

"Oh, look at that. You brought our sister," Roman commented.

"Yeah, she's a bit of an artist," Lukas replied. "Have you seen some of her work?"

"No," Kendall said. "No, we haven't."

"Well, you should because she's really fucking talented," Lukas said.

"Uh huh. Yeah. We'll definitely do that," Kendall stated.

Then Lukas started to talk about the deal. He found out the two of them were trying to ruin the deal. Then he called Logan a prick which pissed off Roman.

You didn't know any of this. You only heard Roman ranting angrily with the words you piece of shit as he came down the mountain back to the lift. You raised your eyebrows as Kendall followed after Roman slowly and he called, "Come on, El."

You got up to follow when Lukas called your name. You stopped and looked between Lukas and Kendall. You felt torn. Then you looked at Lukas sadly as you spoke a bit awkwardly considering you couldn't say anything that would allude to you being with Lukas, "Thanks for bringing me up here."

You quickly turned and followed after Kendall. Lukas hardened his eyes at your retreating form. You got onto the lift with your brothers as Lukas flew away in his helicopter. You felt an ache in your chest. But he did not love you, Ella.

"What happened?" you asked.

"Sorry to inform you but Matsson is an asshole," Roman stated.

"But he's always nice to me."

"Oh my god, Ella. He just wants to fuck you. Get it through your head," Roman said before ripping the sketchbook from your hands, tearing it in half, and letting it fall to the floor. "And he doesn't care about your stupid drawings. God, you're so dumb."

"Rome," Kendall warned as tears burned in your eyes.

You stared at the ruined sketchbook and dissociated. You felt numb. No one wanted you. You stayed that way until the gondola got back to the ground. Then you sniffled as your eyes became steely. Once they stepped out where the rest of the Waystar entourage was waiting to hear the news, you spoke. And everyone heard you.

"For your information, Romulus, I already fucked him."

And you stomped off. You didn't care if people knew anymore. It all seemed so pointless because you were sure that your siblings wouldn't even care at all.

On the plane ride home, you laid on the couch. You faced towards the cushions so no one could see your face and they all thought you were asleep. You had silent tears fall down your cheeks. Your siblings seemed to not really care about you and you were sure that you had lost Lukas. He didn't love you anymore. He just wanted sex. You probably lost him when the baby died and at the reminder of that, more tears fell from your eyes.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Ten

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten

Warnings: unplanned pregnancy

You couldn't believe you were actually dating him. You thought it would change things. Well, Lukas would stand to attention now whenever he was with a group of people and you entered the room like the mere presence of you drew him to his feet like gravity (and you would run forward excitedly and hug him without a care in the world). But really besides kissing each other now, the two of you mainly did the same things.

It made you realize how much the two of you had already acted like a couple. You'd already been holding his hand, eating dinner with him, sleeping in the same bed, etc. It made you realize that the two of you were always more than just friends. You didn't think you could ever even be just friends with Lukas anymore; that time had passed.

But now that kissing was an option, the both of you took full advantage. You were surprised by how much you liked it. You liked how he held your cheek ever so gently like he was cradling you and you felt the world slip away when you kissed him. Nothing else mattered but Lukas when his lips mets yours.

You wondered if he liked it as much as you did. You thought he did. Because now when you two went out to eat, he'd often pull you into the booth to sit right beside him instead of across. And he'd wrap an arm around your shoulders before making out with you; the two of you did that until the food came.

The two of you were insatiable. You wondered with all this kissing in public that people would find out. But the media was not intense at all in Sweden and no paparazzi had ever followed you around; you were the least interesting Roy so you could get away with kissing him in a restaurant without it getting back to the States.

You had been adamant with Lukas that you wanted their relationship kept secret until the deal went through. He had argued with you about it but you got your way.

"I don't want my family to know yet...that I'm dating you," you had started to smile just saying that you were dating him.

"Why not?"

"I know my siblings won't like it but I don't know how my father will react," you explained. "What if he ends the deal because of us?"

"Then he can end the deal. I don't give a fuck," he argued.

"Yes, you will. You'll be mad at me," you replied.

"I'd never be fucking mad at you. You're being ridiculous," he said. "Let's just tell them."

"No," you huffed, going cold and turning on your side in bed away from him. You grabbed a book off the nightstand and started to read it, ignoring him.

Lukas gained pointed eyes. You were so damn stubborn. You could not be persuaded when you got like this. It reminded him acutely of your father and the cold persona. He wondered if you knew how alike the two of you were.

He sighed and he didn't see you start to smile as you heard it.

"Fine," he relented. "I'll be a fucking secret. I don't like it but whatever."

You turned back to him with a wide grin once you got your way before pecking him on the lips, "Thank you."

And you huddled closer to him, snuggling your head against his chest as you muttered, "Love you."

He shook his head at how his frustration completely melted away. He wrapped his arms around you before kissing the top of your head softly.

And you did have this paranoid fear that Lukas would be mad at you. Your father would be livid over the two of you and break off the deal. You were sure of it. And Lukas would resent you for it no matter what he said. You couldn't handle that. You couldn't handle losing Lukas; the mere thought of it made you feel panic.

But Lukas agreed and it was kept secret. No one knew you were dating Lukas. Well, besides a couple of people at Gojo like Oskar but you trusted them. But then apparently his mother had found out and came to Stockholm.

You had been in bed with Lukas one morning. The two of you were kissing lazily when he got a text. He checked it and his immediate response was an expletive.

"Fuck."

"What is it?" you caressed his cheek in worry.

"It's, uh...my mother is here. Right now."

"Oh. Do you want me to meet her?" you questioned.

"No," he exclaimed immediately which made your eyes widen. "Just stay here. She'll...she'll get into you. I don't want her to hurt you."

"Okay," you frowned a bit but he kissed you quickly which made you smile a bit.

Then he scrambled out of bed and quickly put on his clothes. He left you in bed and you decided to get up to take a bubble bath. Since he wanted you to stay in the room, you decided to use his en-suite to take a long, relaxing bath.

His mother must've left before you were done because Lukas entered and he formed a small grin at the peaceful look on your face, "You look like you're about to fall asleep."

"It feels nice," you hummed before you glanced at him. "How did things go with your mother?"

"Annoying," he stated as he leaned against the bathroom counter with his hands in his hoodie.

His mother had a million questions about you. She couldn't stop pestering him. But he did not tell her your age. How young you were. He knew that once his mother learned that little tidbit that she would not like you. She would say something to hurt you and he refused to let that happen.

You grinned a bit, "She can't be that bad."

"She's bad."

You chuckled a bit before sighing and standing up out of the tub. You were surprised when Lukas moved into action and grabbed your towel before wrapping it around you as you stepped out. You gave him a small smile as you pulled the towel tighter around you.

He gazed at you intensely before he called, "Ella."

You hummed absentmindedly as you dried the ends of your hair with another towel. His silence made you look up in question.

He swallowed, "It's, uh, nothing. Forget it."

You furrowed your eyebrows but nevertheless agreed, "Okay."

And life moved forward with you dating Lukas. Two weeks had passed since you first began dating and the thought still made you giddy. It made you blush and smile. You were happy whenever you thought of Lukas or were with Lukas. It was like Lukas contained all the dopamine that was supposed to be in your brain.

But neither of you had been able to visit for a week. You had started to feel sick. You were throwing up in the mornings and you just felt like crap all day. You barely had the energy to talk to Lukas. You had told him you were sick and he had sweetly sent you flowers along with your favorite set of chocolates.

But something else had started to occur as well. Your breasts started to ache. You didn't think anything of it until you massaged them one day to try to relieve it when the realization of what it all meant came to you in an instant.

You felt dread as you thought about it. But you had to be sure. So you went and picked up three separate tests and took all of them. They were all positive.

You were pregnant.

Even though it was nighttime, you had immediately booked it to the airport. You had your assistant cancel everything for tomorrow before you boarded your jet to go see Lukas. On the plane ride, you were researching pregnancy on your phone. You felt overwhelmed.

Lukas knew you were coming. You had texted him and said you needed a car to pick you up. He was surprised that you were coming in the middle of the night but he wasn't going to complain. He just gave you what you needed.

When you got there, he questioned with a small grin, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

You didn't even answer. You just grabbed him, making him hunch over before you kissed him. You needed to kiss him right now and feel reassured. You needed to feel like it was them against the world.

When you had calmed enough, you let him go and he breathed heavily, "Wow. Fuck."

He grinned, "So you really missed me?"

"We need to talk, Lukas," you said and your voice was grim.

"Okay," he said slowly, feeling whiplash.

You brought him to the living room. He sat on the couch while you paced the floors back and forth. You felt like you couldn't say it. You were too nervous.

"It's...it's a guy, isn't it?" Lukas believed the worst. "You found someone else, didn't you? If you're gonna leave, just fucking say it."

"What? No," you immediately halted at the accusation. "I'd never leave you."

"Then..."

"I'm pregnant."

"Oh," his eyes widened before he bit his lip with a grin.

You started to pace again as you rambled, "I researched on the plane and the pill is only 99% effective. You probably didn't know that."

"But I'm pregnant now through a 1% chance. I mean, that's crazy. At first, I thought, that I was too young to be pregnant. But then I learned that the advanced maternal age is 35. Did you know that? And then I thought, you know, that I'm not too young at all. And that it's okay because I'm having a baby with the love of my life. I always wanted to have a lot of babies, too..."

"Did you just call me the love of your life?" Lukas was smiling.

"What else would you be?" you furrowed your eyebrows. "I'd never want to be with anyone else."

"Never?"

"Never," you said before you approached him and then straddled him on the couch. "So do you want a baby?"

"With you, yes."

You blushed and smiled before he placed a hand over your stomach, "You're sure you're pregnant?"

"I took three tests. Yes."

"Three?"

"Yes, three. What if the first two had been false positives?"

He smiled in amusement at your paranoid thoughts before he asked, "And this, uh, future with a lot of babies. How many are we talking about?"

"I don't know. Maybe five. Maybe more," you mused before you smiled. "As many babies as you want to give me."

You never really knew why you always pictured yourself with a lot of kids. You supposed that you always thought that bigger families seemed happier in your head. If there were more kids, there was more love and you wanted a lot of love in your life.

"But do you want a lot of kids though?" you frowned as you worried he wouldn't want what you wanted.

"I want whatever you want, Ella," he promised. "Whatever you fucking want. It's yours."

You covered his mouth with your hand, "You really need to work on the language with a kid on the way."

He took your hand and kissed your fingertips as he spoke softly, "Ja."

You smiled happily before you muttered, "I love you."

And then you stole his breath when you kissed him again. Your fingers threaded through his soft blond hair and his hands crawled over you. His lips felt scalding on yours and even more so when they moved to your neck, creating hickeys. You tilted your head up to give him more access before he started to lift your shirt up. You lifted your arms to help him peel it off of you and you were left in your bra. And that night the two of you repeated the same act that got you in trouble in the first place.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Three

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Warnings: reader has signs of depression and suicidal ideation throughout story

Chapters: One, Two, Three

Summary: Ella takes Lukas up on his offer to be her date to another wedding

When they got back to Italy, the four siblings staged an intervention for Kendall. He had "fallen" off his floaty into the pool and nearly drowned. When you saw him approach all of you, you immediately stood and hugged him, "Kendall, are you okay?"

"Yeah, El. I'm fine," he patted your back and, again, peeled you off of him.

You took your seat again, a little bit dejected. Kendall took in the rest of his siblings as he questioned, "What is this? Is this an intervention?"

When he learned it was an intervention of sorts, he became defensive. "Why do you get to do an intervention on me? I mean, if anyone in our family needs an intervention, it's, and I'm sorry, but it's El here with her little space outs. Which, by the way, why do you do that?"

You had been playing with the sleeve of your shirt, debating on telling them, showing them. But that thought was immediately snuffed out as your eyes stung with tears.

"El, I'm sorry. That was...out of line."

You had thought, finally, that you'd be able to relate to one of your siblings now even if it was in a morbid way. But you realized that no one wanted to relate to you. You were considered the "odd" one and no one would ever like that. Your jaw clenched and your eyes grew steely.

"I already had my intervention when Dad sent me away to Uncle Ewan. Or did he not tell you?" you revealed as you stood up, your chair screeching as you did so.

"Wait, El..." Shiv said softly.

But you stormed off. You could hear Connor defend you as you did so.

"What the Hell is wrong with you? That's your sister who loves you. She's been waiting to hug you all day, too, and this is how you treat her..."

You didn't hear the rest of it as you got further away. You didn't want to. You kept trying to make them see you but perhaps you were never meant to be seen. You would have to make do with the background, fading in and out.

All of your siblings came to apologize, though, which made you think that maybe you were seen. Connor came to console you and gave you a giant bear hug. Roman had come to apologize as well; you had never seen him so serious before.

"I do like to take things too far but that doesn't mean I want you to disappear. You know that, right?"

Roman was giving you those big, puppy eyes and you couldn't help but forgive him. Shiv visited you, too, and talked to you about being sent off to Uncle Ewan.

"You just needed a little detox, right? I get it," Shiv smiled.

You had smiled back but Shiv did not get it. It seemed like only Roman understood what you meant when you said you had an intervention; but Roman had also noticed you picking with your sleeves constantly. He had decided to be a bit nicer to you.

Kendall apologized as well. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. Can we just forget about it?"

This was a familiar song and dance now that you were back in the house of cards. You had a habit of forgiving them and they had a habit of taking you for granted (except Connor). You didn't know if you would ever break the streak. Some part of you didn't want to because that would mean letting go and you didn't want to let go quite yet; you needed people even if they weren't the right people to be in your life.

_____

Once the wedding was over, you barely communicated with your family. Your three siblings were off trying to start their own business after being betrayed by their father because he was selling but you didn't see what the big issue was.

So you were left alone. Well, sort of. You had started to get close to Lukas. You had started to communicate with Lukas. He had gotten your number and was now regularly talking to you. You liked it.

You never had any problems with sleeping like Lukas did. In fact, you slept too much but you still always felt tired. Then you'd wake up to photos Lukas sent you of himself with random goofy filters.

It made you smile and you felt a bit more energetic. He seemed to have enough energy for the both of them; a restlessness that kept him up and moving unlike you that found it hard to even get out of bed.

You were getting better about it, especially, with the help you took in the morning every morning. You didn't like it. It made things dull but it was better than feeling nothing like a vacuum sucked out all your feelings and left you empty.

But there was a certain brightness you started to feel because of Lukas. It seemed all the chaotic energy he contained carried over to you and made you feel a bit more bright.

Lukas would also send you photos throughout the day of what he was doing like him at work, him on his laptop, him listening to a podcast, etc. He seemed to want you involved in everything and it made you feel a twinge of bliss. To be involved, to be wanted, to be needed. It felt nice.

Lukas constantly asked you what you were doing but you were more shy. You were not photogenic. You didn't even have any social media. You were not sending him one photo no matter how many times he pestered you for one.

You were fine with telling Lukas what you were doing; each time he asked, you always were in bed. So that was you said, in bed. He had started to question it in their texts.

Why are you always in bed? What do you do?

What a bed is used for: sleep

That's not all a bed is used for

His response left you with red cheeks and you had gasped. You left him on read and stayed silent. You didn't know how to respond. He ended up responding again and changed the subject.

You sleep a lot then

I like sleep

do you sleep well?

Yes and no; I'm never refreshed

Why not?

I'm just not

He had left it at that. You had learned that Lukas was quite pushy; he always wanted to know everything. He had zero boundaries but he quickly learned where yours was whenever you would leave him on read in their texts. You become shy and silent and he knew then there was a boundary he crossed. He had to reel you back in by diving into another subject and you liked that he never failed to do so; he didn't grow tired of you like you thought that he would. Like everyone else seemed to do.

But it had been a month and he hadn't grown tired of you. You ended up hearing from Lukas one day in the morning. He had called you while you were lying in bed on your stomach eating chocolate for breakfast. You loved chocolate; the artificial sweetness seemed to fill your heart and make you feel giddy.

"What are you doing?" he immediately wanted to know.

"I'm lying on my bed."

"The number of times you say that you're in bed makes me think you want me to join you. Do you?"

Your cheeks reddened and you choked a little bit. Your heart stuttered before you uttered a response, "I-No. I'm eating breakfast."

He hummed and you just knew that he was grinning, "In bed?"

"Yes. So?"

"What are you eating?"

"Chocolate."

"For breakfast?"

You swallowed guiltily, "Don't you dare say anything."

You heard him chuckle and your heart skipped a beat. You sighed softly before you hesitated, "I have to ask you something."

"Okay. Sounds ominous."

It had been a month since he had offered and you weren't sure if the offer was still on the table. It made you nervous. You swallowed.

"Um, one of my friends is getting married and...I need a date. Can you still be..."

"Yes," he answered automatically and a smile erupted on your face.

You felt giddy and you didn't say anything for a moment as you reveled in your little victory. You were kind of lost in your own head as the word yes echoed around. He wanted to be your date. He said yes. He wanted to be there for you.

"So are you going to tell me when this wedding is?"

"Oh, right."

______

The bride of the wedding was more acquaintance than friend. You had once been friends back in art school before your father convinced you to drop out and go to business school. You had still kept in touch a bit with the friends you had made in art school but it was few and far between.

Still, you got invited to this wedding and you felt quite happy to go. You didn't know if it was the fact that you actually had a date or that you loved weddings. Either way, you were excited (even if you did take pills to keep the blues away).

You had been nervous, though. You had these anxious thoughts that Lukas wouldn't make it. Your mind had concocted the worst things like his jet going down before it landed or his company completely tanking so he wouldn't be able to come.

Your mind easily accepted a disaster before it would ever accept that someone wanted to actually be your date. But Lukas arrived and no disaster had happened.

This wedding was in the States which Lukas complained about. But he had shown up and he wouldn't complain anymore when you looked the way you did.

You were in a floor-length red gown (with sleeves) and your makeup was light but you had bright red lipstick on. It made him want to kiss you.

"Hi," you smiled widely before you shuffled towards him excitedly in your heels.

You hugged him. You couldn't help it. You were a hugger and you hadn't seen him in person for a month. You sighed when he picked you up, holding you to him for a long moment. You were content.

Then he set you down as he commented, "I thought no one was supposed to one up the bride."

You giggled, "Don't be ridiculous. Vivian is far prettier than me. There's no way I could. Just wait till you see her. You'll understand."

Lukas stared at you intensely, "I don't need to see her."

You got captured by his blue eyes and your breath left you. Then he gestured towards the door, "Shall we?"

You nodded before walking forward and grabbing his hand. You played with his fingers in the elevator and did the same in the limo.

"I..." you spoke nervously. "I'm glad you made it."

"Were you worried I wouldn't?"

"I...well...you are in Sweden. There's so many things that could have gone wrong. Like what if your jet had engine failure?"

"Then I'd get a new jet."

You started to ramble, not even hearing what he said, "And then your plane might've gone down. Or maybe your company completely tanked so you wouldn't be able to come and...wait, really?"

His lips were quirked in amusement, "If I fucking had to, yes."

You stared at him for a moment as you felt like your heart inflated like a balloon inside your chest. You frowned, though, before you uttered quietly, "Don't lie."

"Why would I be lying?" he wore a questioning gaze made her feel like she was crazy for even suggesting it.

"I-I don't know," you said nervously.

You didn't want to admit to him that you didn't believe in big gestures. You didn't want to admit that you didn't believe you were worth big gestures.

He placed his fingers under your chin and tilted it up so you would look at him again, "What? Do you need fucking proof? What do you want?"

"No, Lukas," you denied.

He stared at you before he nodded like he had decided something, "I'll prove it you."

You went to protest but he kissed your cheek which silenced you before his lips promised against your skin. "Later."

______

At the wedding, you had a small smile as you watched the ceremony. Lukas was only watching you.

"See, she's really pretty," you whispered to him. "And that dress is gorgeous."

"It'd look much fucking prettier on you," he whispered back and his voice was a bit husky and low.

You blushed and swallowed, "Thank you."

Then you whacked him on the shoulder playfully, "But stop with the swearing. You're terrible."

Lukas chuckled before he teased, "Hitting your date? That's terribly fucking rude, princess."

"Lukas!"

_____

Once the ceremony was over, they went to the reception. You had mingled with a few guests before Vivian spotted you.

"Ella! You actually came. I haven't seen you in forever," the bride smiled as she came up to you and Lukas. "Have you gotten back into art at all? You were so good."

"Art?" Lukas asked.

"Oh, this one was the best in our class when we were in art school," Vivian explained. "And I mean leagues better."

"I don't think that's totally true," Ella frowned a bit before she quickly changed subjects. "But you look so beautiful, Vivian. Where did you get this dress..."

You held small talk for a little bit with Vivian before she had to leave for the first dance. Lukas stayed quiet for the most part with his hands in his pockets.

"So, you're an artist. You got anymore hidden talents?" Lukas said once Vivian left.

"I guess you'll have to find out," you teased with a smile.

He hummed before he questioned, "I thought you went to business school?"

"I did. But I was in art school before that. I dropped out, though," you frowned as you thought about it.

"Why? Apparently, you were a fucking protege," Lukas said.

You shook his head at his swearing again before replying with a shrug, "It wasn't what my father wanted."

"But what did you want?"

"I...." you were ready to explain that saying no to your father wasn't easy so you weren't expecting that question. You don't think a single person has ever asked what you wanted. "I...I didn't want to go to business school. I hated it actually."

He hummed before he asked, "And what do you want to do now?"

"I don't know," you shrugged before you gave him a mischievous smile as you grabbed his hands to pull him to the dance floor. "But right now, I'm getting a dance out of you."

The first dance was over and other couples had joined the dance floor. Lukas was completely rigid as you tugged on him, "No. Absolutely not."

"You're my date. It's in your job description," you argued.

"Oh, so it's a job?" he teased. "So am I getting paid for this?"

"Lukas," you stared at him with a pouting look which was adorable. He sighed and followed after you. He was completely tense and would step on your feet (which made you laugh) but he did slow dance with you and you left there with him with a small smile on your face.

_____

Lukas had been drawing shapes on the small of your back the whole ride home. It made goosebumps form on your skin in the darkness of the car and your body went into a sort of frenzy, hyperaware of everything. And your heart was thumping so quickly that you could hear the blood rushing in your ears.

"I want you to know that I was really happy that you came," you admitted in the limo as they reached her apartment.

"I know. You wouldn't stop smiling," his fingers traced your lips.

"Oh."

He wanted to kiss you but Lukas could not read you. He wasn't sure if you wanted him to. He wasn't sure if you wanted him in the same way he wanted you. You made it obvious that you wanted his attention, at least, or rather his friendship but that was all you made known. And he did not want to mess this up under any circumstances.

So he kissed your cheek instead as a goodbye. It was a lingering kiss that said I want you but you didn't notice. You just gave him a little smile and left the limo to go inside.

______

The next morning, you woke up to a picture of a jet that Lukas sent you. You were confused.

What is this?

Proof

I bought another jet for those epic disasters you've concocted

You didn't know how to respond. He bought another jet for you just so you wouldn't be anxious. Your mind couldn't comprehend why he would do such a thing. You weren't that special.

I would tell you to return it but I know you wouldn't (can you even return jets?) so thank you

Your thumbs hovered over the next thing you wanted to type. You hesitated before you finally sent it. You sent him an heart emoji.

He sent one back.

And you had cried a little bit. It was probably the most loved you ever felt in your whole life. You didn't know how to handle it but your body decided for you. A smile you couldn't control rested on your face for the entire day. No, the entire week and you had decided that, if it was within your power, you weren't ever going to let Lukas go.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Four

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four

Summary: Ella goes to London and gets even closer with Lukas.

Warnings: smut (fingering), OC has harmed herself before and has depression

You couldn't help it.

It was like a drug, a need, an addiction. You wanted his approval so desperately. Approval from your father. It was why you grew up being the "good girl." You never rebelled, you never stayed out late, you never got a boyfriend, and you stayed focused on school.

But you never got any praise from your father for doing all those things. You realized it was the bare minimum for him and only the extraordinary would impress him. You didn't know what that would be. You didn't know if you had any extraordinary qualities to offer but you just wanted him to look at you like he loved you. Just once.

So when your father called you in and offered you a job, you took it. It was a position in London.

"I think we should get your feet wet in the European division. What do you think?"

"I-I think it's great, Dad," you faked a smile.

Of course you smiled. Even though you hated everything to do with business, you smiled. You smiled because he was talking to you. He was acknowledging you. It was everything you wanted...only for him to send you away.

You were going to London. It felt awfully like when he sent you to Uncle Ewan. Out of sight, out of mind. But this time you had a chance to prove yourself. You could do it. You could do it.

So you were now in London with no contact with any of your family. You were learning from the head of the London office and were basically his assistant. He didn't treat you very well; often times he would grope your ass and you were too afraid to speak up.

If you spoke up, wouldn't you be seen as weak? And what would your father think? Would he be embarrassed? Especially so soon after the cruises scandal. Yes, yes, it was too soon. Yes, it was best to stay quiet.

And you felt utterly trapped. You could feel that suffocating feeling closing around your neck like a noose. It was what led you to the incident last year; the incident that left a long, deep scar on your arm.

But you were determined to ignore it. You wouldn't do it. You would be good. You wouldn't be a complete embarrassment because that was what those feelings were: embarrassing, irrational, childish, and stupid. They were a weakness and you would not be weak.

So soon after moving to London, it was your birthday. Your father had called you and so had Connor but the rest of your siblings seemed to have forgotten. You deluded yourself into thinking they were just busy and they'd call tomorrow. Of course they would, you told yourself in your head.

But even though it was your birthday, you were working. You were setting up schedules and writing agendas and it was late. That was when Lukas called. He wished you happy birthday. It made a goofy smile form on your face and a fuzzy, warm feeling to encompass your whole body.

"How did you know? I didn't tell you," your cheeks were red.

"I had to text your brother about it. I didn't like that but whatever," you could see him shrug in the FaceTime call. "You know there is zero fucking info on you on the Internet almost like you don't exist or something."

"Oh, yeah. Well, don't you know that I'm least interesting Roy?" you cracked a joke but he didn't laugh.

"But that's just not fucking true," he said before he changed the subject. "Where are you at? Why does it look like you're at work?"

"Because I am. I'm working."

"But it's your birthday?"

"Yes, and? I still have to work."

"No. No," he denied with a small grin. "You're the princess. You don't have to do shit."

You rolled your eyes, "If you say so."

"I do say so. Once I take over, you're never lifting a single pretty little finger," Lukas said.

You smiled a bit, "And what would I be doing?"

"I don't know. Something happy and you wouldn't be in fucking London," Lukas promised before he changed subjects again. "Are you almost done though with whatever it is? Because I, uh, I have a surprise for you."

He formed a mischievous grin now while biting his lip and you blushed, "You got me a gift?"

"You think I wouldn't?"

You didn't respond to say yes, I didn't think you'd get me anything because no one else ever does. That was a depressing thought and you didn't want to make anything with Lukas depressing. "Alright. Okay. I guess I'll be done."

His surprise was actually at an address he gave her. Lukas said to call him back after you got there. You had your driver take you there and once you got out, there was a woman waiting for her with paperwork.

"Are you Ella Roy?"

"Yes."

"Alright. Just sign right here and this will be all yours."

"I'm sorry but this?"

"The art studio that Mr. Matsson procured for you."

You had blinked in shock before signing the form she wanted. She gave you the keys and everything. Then you went inside and stared at the wide open space that was now all yours. There were giant windows in the back and you went to stare out of them before you called Lukas back (not FaceTime). Your heart was beating so fast you swore it was going to beat right out of your chest.

"You bought me an art studio?" those were the first words that came flying out of your mouth.

"You like it?" you could hear how proud he was over the phone and you knew he was grinning.

"I-I do. Yes," you swallowed. "Thank you but..."

"No. Not a but," Lukas stated. "This makes you happy, ja?"

"I-Yes. Yes," you answered nervously. You struggled with happiness and you found you never failed to feel a small semblance whenever you talked with Lukas. Perhaps you were just scared of letting it in. You didn't know what it felt like to have your heart beat fast with bliss and it was scary to feel something unknown. But you liked it. You really liked it.

"Then that's all that matters."

You didn't argue. You just sighed in content and let your heart beat wildly. Happiness, you mused, perhaps that's really all that mattered in life. Maybe you should start to realize that instead of living for something that doesn't offer you any. But, baby steps.

You became so much happier after Lukas got you that art studio. You spent nearly all your free time in the art studio. You started to draw again before you started to paint, too. On your first painting, you had a stupid smile on your face as you used nearly every color you had; the colors made you happy. They were bright and beautiful and you couldn't help but feel that way.

You started to even take days off just so you could create art in your studio. Then Lukas came to visit.

You showed him all of your creations, flitting around like an excited kid. He noticed you didn't look as tired anymore and the shadows under your eyes were less visible. But that didn't matter, you always looked gorgeous.

"What do you think?" you asked, chewing on your lip as you gazed at him anxiously.

"I think you're fucking talented like your bride friend said," Lukas said.

You smiled bashfully before Lukas found the one painting that was covered in a sheet, "What's this one?"

He went to reach to pull the sheet off but you smacked his hand down, "No. It's not finished. It'll look bad. You can't see it till it's done."

"Wow. So bossy," he smirked. "Fine, I won't look at it."

You looked away, a bit embarrassed. But then Lukas came to you and put his hand on the small of your back. He changed the subject as he scratched at his chest with his other hand.

"You wanna go get lunch? I'm starving."

You leaned into his touch a bit and Lukas started to draw circles over your shirt as you responded, "Oh, yeah. Okay. We can do that."

"We can?" he teased. "That fits your approval, princess?"

You smacked his shoulder with red cheeks, "Lukas! I'm not that bossy."

"No?" he grinned before he agreed as he kissed the top of your head. "No. But it wouldn't matter. You can boss me around, princess."

You flushed again as you left to go eat with him.

You'd only been in London for a month before your father sent you to Lukas to work out some of the details of the deal. You didn't like it. You didn't want to talk business with Lukas. You didn't want to associate something you hated with someone you really liked.

Lukas treated with you in his house and it felt very private. Intimate. No one else was around. You sat across from him on a different couch and he was all calm and collected while you felt like you were about to break out in hives. It didn't help that your boss (technically) had cornered you beforehand at work and threatened you to talk him up to Lukas, to put him in a favorable light.

You felt suffocated. You barely said two words to Lukas once you saw him. And you still weren't talking now that you were sitting.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, his eyes peered at you. His cold, haunting blue eyes that made you feel all warm and fuzzy. You wanted to reach out and hold his hand. You wanted contact.

You looked away. "I...No."

You opened up your folder full of the details you were supposed to go over but your heart was racing. You looked out the tall glass windows. You dissociated until your heart started to calm down.

"Ella," you heard the call of your name and you looked back at him.

"Can we just...not? I'll tell my dad I couldn't get anything out of you and he'll have to do it himself, alright?" you spoke. "But I don't...please don't make me."

"I'd never make you do anything," he said so simply.

You felt like you could breathe again now as you took long, slow breath. You looked out the windows again and it was silent for a moment before you spoke, "Can we go outside?"

He was quick to placate you but you didn't notice that he was speaking faster (more nervous), "Yeah. Yes. If you'd like."

"I'd like to."

So they went outside and they walked around. It was a bit chilly out and you hadn't brought a coat so you borrowed one of his. It easily swallowed you whole. You didn't notice that Lukas kept glancing at you while they walked, a bit lustful and wanting as he gazed at you appreciatively in his clothes.

You had stopped on a hill. He had a nice view and you liked it. He stood beside you for a while before he grabbed your hand, entwining it with his. You froze a little bit.

"Is that...okay?" he asked, he peered at you intensely.

You nodded and you squeezed his hand. You didn't know how badly you wanted to hold his hand until you were actually holding it. It felt like a lifeline and you didn't let go even as the two of you went back inside. He brought you on a tour of his house.

You finally got to his bedroom and you recognized it from some of the photos he would send you. It was very modern and bare without any sort personal accents. There was a small desk against the wall with his laptop and some books. You noticed he had Great Expectations by Charles Dickens face down and open to a page. Then there was his bed. It was massive.

"Did you have to like special order one because you're so tall?"

"Yes. Complete bullshit but whatever," he replied. "And I don't know if I like it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't know if it's the best. I want only the best," his eyes followed you as you walked around.

You finally noticed a sleeping bag next to his bed, "Lukas? Really? You don't sleep on the mattress here, either?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I told you," he said as you took a seat at the edge of the bed. "I want the best of everything."

"That's so stupid," you shook your head as you laid back on the bed to test it out.

"I disagree," he said as he stared at you lying on his bed. Your hair was sprawled around you and with the image of you on his bed, he wasn't sure he was ever going to get rid of the mattress now.

He only slept in the mattress the once but as he stared at you he had no desire to sleep in it; he wanted to break it in. He bit his lip as he thought of fucking you and his pants grew tighter as his dick started to form an erection.

He stood right in front of you and you felt your leg brush his sweatpants. You looked at his eyes that were gazing at you so intently that you couldn't help but blush and smile. You found smiling easy to do in his presence.

"Come here," you patted the space next to you as you called.

He quickly took the space next to you, lying there. You glanced at him for a moment before your eyes stared up at the ceiling. His eyes stayed glued to you.

"It's comfy. I don't know how you don't like it."

"I don't know. Maybe I need some convincing."

"Like what?"

"Can I touch you?"

Your breath left your lungs. You stayed staring at the ceiling for a long moment before you slowly turned your eyes to meet that intense blue-eyed gaze. His eyes were so hypnotizing and you swallowed before you said so quietly, "I don't think my dad would like it."

"Fuck your dad. What do you want?"

"It's not very professional," you argued again, ignoring the question.

"Ella," he practically whined.

You stared at him again and it was a long moment before you spoke, giving him permission in a voice so soft that it could break like glass, "You can touch me."

He gained a small victorious grin as he turned onto his side. You thought he'd reach for your ass or something like your boss but that was not what he did. His hand moved slowly to creep under your shirt as your breaths came out erratically fast now. Your shirt was pushed up as his hand smoothed across your stomach. With the combo of his large hand and your tiny waist, his hand reached completely across your stomach.

His hand felt possessive and warm and...it felt nice. You never had this type of skin on skin contact before. It drove you completely crazy as he let it lie there, lingering, and your heart beat so quickly in equal amounts excitement and anxiety.

"Has anyone ever touched you?" he questioned.

"No."

"Have you touched yourself?"

You shook your head with a sheepish look but Lukas only gained a look of delight as he questioned, "So you're all fucking mine?"

He moved his hand then to place slow, sensual kisses down your stomach. You let out a little gasp and your hands fisted the sheets.

His lips stopped as he muttered against your skin, "Answer me."

Feeling his breath on your skin made goosebumps form and you were sure you would never feel this way with anyone. You were his.

"Yes, I'm yours. I'm yours."

He grinned and he continued his trail of kisses down your stomach. He gave a little lick across your belly button and you let out a soft sigh. His kisses stopped once he reached the waistband of your skirt.

He unbuttoned it and unzipped it slowly before starting to pull it down. You lifted your hips so he could do so. Then he had to pull down the black stockings you had on underneath and your panties were pulled away along with them down to your knees. Your lower half was now bare to him and you immediately closed your legs on instinct.

He chuckled as he moved to stand. He moved them apart and took his place between them. His hand smoothed down your stomach again before continuing all the way down this time. His hand stilled as his thumb found the red bundle of nerves; he flicked it and your hips jerked as you gasped.

"You're so sensitive," he chuckled. "You still want me to touch you?"

"Yes, Lukas. Please."

His thumb grazed your clit again and the sensation made you let out a low moan. He circled it slowly over and over again. A foreign wave of heat crept up, building inside of you. You wanted to cry from the pleasure of it all, tell him to stop now because you knew there would never be anything better than this. You knew that he had ruined you to any other pleasure besides the one he could provide.

But you couldn't possibly tell him to stop, it felt too good. So you fell and fell and fell into this burning heat and you cried out his name as you felt it consume your mind.

You felt your first orgasm as the heat started to leave your body. You felt like you became the smoke that was lifted into the clouds. You felt high, intoxicated, on cloud nine.

He continued to play with that bundle of nerves that was now overstimulated and your hips bucked against him. He placed a hand beside your head as he said, "Tell me to stop."

But you didn't. You wouldn't. He knew that. He continued to play with your clit as you squirmed and it didn't take long before you went through a second orgasm that made your legs tremble and your eyes roll back. And this time you did cry as tears left your eyes from good it felt.

"Are you fucking crying?" he stared in amusement. "I haven't even put my dick inside you."

You groaned a bit at the thought of him being inside you and your pussy throbbed for him, ached for him, becoming even more wet. You didn't know an ache could ever be so primal or sensual.

But the thought of having sex with him made you nervous. You immediately closed your legs and panicked. You pushed at his chest as your own heaved, "Lukas, I don't...I'm not...ready."

"I know. It's alright. Calm down," he caressed your cheek and you leaned into it, sighing a bit. You placed your hand over his and kept it there before you played with his fingers.

He kissed your stomach again as he asked, "Can I still touch you?"

It took you a moment before you nodded. You opened your legs for him again and he kept one hand in hers while the other went back to explore her lower regions. You gasped once he touched you again.

"You're still so sensitive," he chuckled as his fingers swirled around that bud of nerves.

You squeezed his hand so tightly once you orgasmed again. Once it had reached nightfall, you were left quivering beneath him from how many times he made you come with just his fingers (he even penetrated you with them). You were so blissed out at the end and you crashed so fast that you were so sleepy but you remembered him cleaning you up.

You thought you must have dozed off at that point because the next time you woke, Lukas was calling your name. You hummed and opened your eyes to see him offering you a sweatshirt.

"Do you want to change?"

You nodded but you didn't move. He had to pull into a sitting position. You went to try to take your shirt off but he had to help you. As he did so, you stared at his eyes but they were looking at your bra-covered breasts.

You pouted tiredly, "Lukas!"

His eyes quickly averted themselves as he bit his lip sheepishly, "Sorry."

Then he shoved his hoodie on over your head. After it swallowed you whole, Lukas wiped the tears from your face so gently before he kissed your forehead. You felt so content in that moment that you fell right asleep in his hold.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Twenty-Two

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two

Warnings: smut (18+), attempted suicide, suicide ideation

You woke up on the couch to a pleasurable feeling. You let out a little moan as you bit your lip but you hadn't opened your eyes. You didn't need to. You could feel it.

Your leg was propped up and you could feel him rubbing himself against your slit. Wetness coated your thighs so you knew he had been stimulating you for a while. He rubbed his shaft back and forth between your legs and the tip kept rubbing over your clit.

You wondered why he hadn't plunged himself inside of you but then you realized he probably didn't have a condom. You finally opened your eyes, blinking a bit tiredly as you commanded, "Lukas, it's okay. It's okay. I want a baby."

"You sure?"

"Yes, Lukas. Yes."

With that, you felt the tip of his cock slide into your pussy. Your hole stretched around him as your walls accommodated his prick. More wetness seeped onto your thighs in anticipation of him filling you. He moved slowly until he was buried inside of you till the hilt.

Then he moved back until just the tip remained and then slid back inside of you. He did it over and over. They were long, deep strokes as he methodically worked his cock in and out of you. You moved your leg farther over his hip and his cock reached even deeper inside of you.

You were a mess of moans as he fucked you. You could hear the slapping of his pelvis against your ass cheeks. A heat built up in your belly until it flooded you. You cried his name as your muscles clenched and your toes curled. He groaned in your ear as your pussy clenched around his dick and he continued to fuck you through your orgasm. The slick that seeped out of you, coating his shaft and leaking out to soak your thighs, made everything more vulgar with the squelches of their combined juices filling the air.

Your mind felt like it was floating. You were completely blissed out and you blinked tiredly. You felt full and content. The only thing you could focus on was his dick inside you. You could feel every dip and curve of his cock. All you could feel was him like he was the only thing that existed.

Then you heard him groan again. He gave two more sloppy thrusts into you before you felt it. He ejaculated inside of you, his seed gushing out to paint the walls of your pussy. You gave a little mewl as you felt his warm seed fill you and you felt your pussy clench tighter around his cock, trying to milk him for every little drop.

And then you woke up.

You breathed a little bit heavily as you blinked your eyes open. It was very disorienting because you were on the same couch that you had been on inside the dream. You were wearing the same dress. But you realized your panties were not missing. And there was definitely no dick inside of you.

Instead you felt his arms around you. One was under you and it come up to wrap around you under your boobs. The other was wrapped around your waist with a hand on your stomach. One of your own hands was atop that one. You felt his face tucked into the crook of your shoulder and you could hear very light snores. He was asleep.

You moved your hand to fumble behind you. You pinched his hip as you whisper-shouted, "Lukas!"

He stirred a little bit and you pinched him again. That elicited a groan out of him as he said, "Ella, go back to sleep."

He felt him try to bury his head even deeper into the crook of your shoulder to go back to sleep and his arms tightened around you. You almost felt bad.

"Lukas," you said quietly. "When we go to Sweden after the deal, I want a baby. I don't care if we're not married yet. I want a baby."

"You want one that bad?" his breath tickled your neck.

"I don't...I don't want to miss it anymore," you admitted before suggesting. "And it doesn't have to be in Sweden, it can be...right now."

"Okay. When we go to Sweden, we'll try for a baby. I'm too tired to fuck you right now," he agreed. "Now can we please go back to sleep? I have a long day tomorrow."

You smiled a little bit. It made you feel all warm and fuzzy that he was so at peace sleeping beside you that he didn't even want to have sex.

"Okay," you replied. "And Lukas..."

He hummed in acknowledgment and you hesitated before you spoke as you thought of the dream, "If you ever wanted to use me...in my sleep, you can do that."

He was silent for a moment.

"In your sleep?" he mused before he shook his head lightly against your shoulder. "No. I want to hear all those pretty sounds and see all those pretty faces you make."

"Oh," you blushed a little.

"Is that it?" he questioned.

"Yeah."

He kissed your shoulder before nuzzling into you again. Then he went still and it didn't take long until you felt his breathing even out. You stayed awake but then you fell asleep soon after in his arms.

______

When you woke up, Lukas was gone but you had a blanket draped over you. It made you form a soft, tired smile before you stretched a bit. Then you checked your phone. It was around nine and you had a text from Lukas: breakfast is waiting for you in the kitchen

You smiled again, feeling butterflies, before you got up. You kept the blanket wrapped around you as you padded over to the kitchen. You found chocolate pancakes waiting. Your favorite. You felt butterflies again.

You sat down and ate. You texted your driver that you needed him. Once you were done, you folded up the blanket and put it back on the couch. You put your heels back on before you left the apartment.

You had your driver take you to your apartment which wasn't too far away. You needed to shower and change. You were still in your funeral attire. You did just that when you got there.

When you were done and dressed in something more comfortable, you decided to pack. The deal would be going through tomorrow and you wanted to be ready to go to Sweden. So you packed a couple of suitcases with your favorite items. You didn't need to bring everything as you could just buy new stuff.

When you were done packing, you were laying on the floor in exhaustion after a lot of effort to get a suitcase to zip. But it was done now. You checked your phone and you decided to be spontaneous.

You snapped a photo of yourself on the floor wearing a wide smile and your bags in the background. Then you sent it to Lukas with a text: all ready to go to Sweden.

He sent you a heart emoji almost instantly. You sent one back to him before texting him you were coming over. Then you sighed and got up. You left your apartment and had your driver take you back.

You went to the apartment where Lukas was having all the work stuff take place. Not his personal one. You walked in and Lukas almost immediately stood up from his place on the couch. He grinned, "There's my girl."

As soon as you saw him, you smiled before you shuffled forwards and jumped into his arms. You kissed him shortly before muttering, "Missed you."

He chuckled, "It was only a couple of hours."

"So?" you pouted before you jumped down from his hold.

You waved at Oskar and Ebba before looking around. You noticed your sister, "Oh, hi, Shiv."

"Hi, Ellie," she smirked.

You blushed a bit before looking away. You paused as you noticed a magazine open. It was cartoon depicting Lukas as a puppet and Shiv controlling the strings.

You blinked and didn't linger on it too long before you looked back up at Lukas, "I have to go to my mom's thing but I just wanted to see you before I left."

"You still have to go to that fucking thing?" he asked as he grabbed your hand, playing with your fingers.

"Yes, Lukas."

He hummed and pouted a little bit. You smiled in amusement before you replied, "I'll be back tomorrow. Do you think we're leaving tomorrow...to Sweden?"

"Tomorrow or it might be a couple of days."

"Okay, well, I'm packed," you smiled in excitement. "I'll see you when I get back."

You kissed his cheek and went to leave but he grabbed your wrist as he shook his head, "Ella, no."

"What do you mean..." you got cut off when he picked you up and kissed you again. It was a short but deep kiss that made you lose the ability to breathe. You had felt a bit self-conscious kissing in front of other people, in front of his staff, but Lukas apparently did not give a fuck. That was probably his motto.

You felt a little dizzy when he set you down and he uttered, "Now you can leave."

You smiled a bit, love drunk, as you tucked your hair behind your ear, "Oh. Okay."

You stood there for a moment, biting your lip in a daze. Lukas smirked a bit before calling, "Ella."

"Right. I'm leaving," you remembered before quickly turning and walking to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

_____

You flew to the Bahamas. You were very surprised to find Roman there as well. He was dressed in peculiar clothes you'd never seen him wear and had a cut over his eyebrow. You immediately fussed over it, "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah. That. It's nothing," he shrugged.

You gave him a look but nevertheless dropped it. But he had caught onto something as he stared at the rings on your finger.

He pointed, "Are those what I think they mean?"

You smiled dreamily as you stared at them, "Yes."

Roman sighed, "I know you're not gonna listen to me so...I do hope, for your sake, he won't fuck things up, El."

"I thought I didn't matter to you?" you questioned quietly.

"El, that was..." Roman picked his words. "That was just me acting out and being an ass. I'm kind of known for it so..."

"I'm not gonna put up with it forever, Roman."

"I know. I'm a work in progress, okay? I'll try to be better, at least, towards you."

You sighed, "Alright."

"Alright?" he peered at you hopefully.

"Yes, alright. I guess I forgive you."

He smiled a bit before their mother joined them, "Ella!"

Caroline hugged you, "I'm so glad you could make it, dear."

"Of course, Mom."

Things were kind of peaceful. You had started to play a game of cards with Roman when the rest of your siblings showed up. Then things got hectic.

"Did you guys know she's marrying Matsson now?" Roman announced.

"No," Shiv replied.

"I...yeah. I did," Kendall admitted.

"Wait, you knew and you decided not to share that piece of vital information?" Roman questioned.

"I found out at the tailgate party," Kendall said. "I guess I just thought it would sort itself out, you know."

"No, I don't know, Kendall," you crossed your arms.

"Come on, El," Kendall argued. "It's not gonna work out between you two. I mean, the age difference and the fact that he's a fucking asshole."

Shiv rolled her eyes, "Okay, well, I've seen firsthand and I think they will so leave her alone, yeah?"

You smiled at Shiv and she gave you a small wink back. Then they started to talk about the deal. You sighed and went inside, leaving them to it.

____

In New York, Lukas was interviewing Tom. They were at an art gallery. They were in front of one of the paintings.

"What do you think?" Lukas questioned.

"It's very nice."

"It's Ella's," Lukas admitted and couldn't help but smile. "My girl is fucking talented, isn't she?"

"She is. She clearly is," Tom said despite his surprise that Ella was an artist. "And it's obviously the best...the best work in here."

Lukas hummed before he ranted, "I tried to get her to come in here and look at it. But she just won't. She's afraid she'll come in here and see everyone ignoring it. Fucking crazy. Like anyone would fucking ignore this, right?"

"No. No. Absolutely not," Tom stated. "No one could."

Lukas hummed again before he moved on. He talked to Oskar and Tom briefly talked with Greg.

"Greg, what the fuck? You were supposed to prep me. Did you know Ella was a fucking artist? Because I didn't know that, Greg," Tom whisper-shouted. "All he does is talk about Ella."

"Oh, yeah. That's kind of his thing, I've learned."

"Oh, you've learned that? Well, I'm totally fucked, Greg. Thank you so very much."

_____

Lukas was now at dinner with Tom. They had finished their meals and Lukas analyzed Tom.

"How do you feel about, uh, soft pitching me? On Tom. Just, you know, the main slide."

"On me? As in my value to keep me? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I can sing for my supper," Tom joked. "Uh, well, no. Um. So, yeah, as a manager, I think, you know, I'm... I'm simple. You know, I squeeze the costs and juice the revenue. Follow the boss. You know, I, uh, digest strategy and implement. Like, for, you know, cruises, for example, is shit-gobbling and firefighting."

"And ATN is money. You know, I'm cutting heads and harvesting eyeballs. It's pretty...Yeah, pretty simple really. I give the customer what he wants. I don't think it's my place to offer dietary advice. You know, if they want red meat and boiling tar, then...buon appetito. Right?"

"And on a hang level, who would you say you are?" Lukas asked.

"Who am I? Um...Huh. That's a good one. I'm a grinder. I grind 'cause I worry. I worry all night about everything. All the, uh, threats to...to me and to my, um... my division and my physical body. And I...I, uh, I have an excess of vigilance, I think, and I have a very, very high tolerance for pain and physical discomfort."

"Can I...can I be frank with you? Can...can you be discreet?" Lukas questioned.

"Fuck yeah."

"So, the thing is, um, with Shiv, uh...And with the votes coming up and all, can we keep this, like, close to our chests until I know my numbers?"

"Oh, sure."

"I think it's all fine. It's just I...I wanted to give it to Ella."

"Ella?"

"Yeah. I would've handed it to her on a silver fucking platter but she just doesn't want it. I don't think she realizes how much like her dad she can be. So fucking stubborn."

Lukas continued, "But then I was thinking that whoever takes the position is going to get a lot of heat and I don't want that for her. She needs to stay stress-free, you know."

"Right."

"So then I was thinking maybe Shiv for family continuity. But she was kind of pushy on the India tactics. And she is...she is smart. But I got plenty of ideas, okay? I don't know if I need more ideas. Plus, I have this thing with...with her, um, which is like...Like is it... is it a bit too much? You know?"

"Okay. The cartoon?"

"No. Fuck the cart...That was funny. I enjoyed that. No," Lukas denied.

He hesitated as he thought of whether he should go ahead with his plan to test Tom. But Ella wasn't here and she wouldn't ever find out that he said it. He looked around before he leaned in a bit, "It's just with Shiv....I wanna fuck her, um, a... a little bit. And I think, under...Sorry to get weird, but, like, the right circumstances...she... I think she'd fuck me, too."

"Uh-huh."

"Is this making you uncomfortable? I'm sorry if it's weird, or..."

"No, no. We're men," Tom shook his head.

"So then I was thinking, if I can have fucking anyone in the world...why don't I get the guy who put the baby inside her instead of the baby lady?"

"Right," Tom nodded. "Right. Well... I could do it. I could definitely, easily, definitely do it."

"I need an American 'cause I don't wanna scare the horses. ATN being the profit center. Mencken likes you, if that happens, you know? You, um...You're fucking talented. But also, honestly...I'm not looking for a partner. I have Ella for that. You know? I'm looking for a front man. 'Cause, um...we're gonna cut shit close to the bone. We're gonna get right fucking in there. It's gonna get nasty. Uh...So I need a pain sponge...when I'm under the hood doing what I love, you know? That's kind of what I'm after. So, would that be a problem?"

"Nah. No, man. Nah. I could do it."

Lukas got up to celebrate to do shots. He talked to Oskar in Swedish, not realizing that Greg was translating every word they said.

"Did you still test him about Shiv?" Oskar questioned. "If little Ella found out what you said..."

"She won't find out."

"What about the deal you made? She still doesn't know."

"She won't ever know."

_____

When nightfall approached, things got bad. Shiv found out that Lukas wasn't choosing her as CEO and cutting her out because she was left out of the draft statement. Then Shiv changed her stance.

"You know what, Ken is right, Ella. He's an asshole and you need to break it off with him," Shiv argued. "You know he told me in Norway that he did something before you two were dating that you'd never forgive him for."

"You're just saying that," tears built in her eyes. "You're just saying that now that he fucked you over and you want to hurt him. I can't believe you'd use me to do it."

"Ellie..." Shiv looked guilty.

"No," you huffed before stomping off back inside.

It wasn't long before Greg called and you felt like the world fell apart. You felt like your chest cracked open. It hurt.

"I just...I thought you'd want to know because I'd want to know if it were me..."

"Greg, just spit it out."

"Matsson sort of said that he wanted to fuck Shiv," Greg revealed. "He also said something about a deal he made involving you."

"He wouldn't have said that. You're lying. Did Kendall put you up to this?"

"I....No..."

You hung up. You took deep breaths. He wanted Shiv. How could you have been so stupid? No one ever wanted you. Of course he wanted someone more mature and more intelligent.

But what was this deal Greg was talking about? It seemed separate from the current deal. A deal made previously. You thought of who would know about it and then it hit you: Frank.

You immediately called the man in the middle of the night. Before he could even say hello, you blurted out, "Was there a deal involving me? With Lukas?"

Frank sighed, "Yeah, there was. I told your dad he shouldn't but..."

"I want to see it," your voice broke. "You'll let me see it."

"I'll send you a copy right now," he stated. "I'm so sorry, Ella."

You hung up again. It took you a long time before you gained the courage to check your email. It took you an even longer time to click on the document.

Once you did and your eyes scanned the page, you started to cry. You could see the signatures that belonged to your father and your fiancée. You sobbed so hard you could barely read it.

But you finally read all the words. It was about the carving out of ATN. Lukas accepted it with his own conditions. One of them was getting you moved to London. The other involved two outings your father was required to provide where you were in the same vicinity as Lukas.

Once you read it, you threw your phone at the wall. They negotiated like you were nothing more than a mere object. You couldn't believe you were used by your own father to placate a billionaire.

But then it made sense to you.

Your father wouldn't have considered the deal manipulation. He was just putting you closer to Lukas; he could accept that because it wasn't like he was actually selling his own daughter. In his mind, whatever happened between you and Lukas was fair game. He would've considered whatever you did with Lukas your own choice.

And Lukas...It was clear that these were terms he came up with. Your father would've never suggested these. It was Lukas that negotiated for you. And it hurt.

You felt like you physically could not breathe as you held yourself in a fetal position. You just continued to sob as you realized you had never been anything more than an object to him. Something he desired.

He didn't want you. Not really. He just wanted to own you. And it should've made you angry. But it just made you sad because the person that meant everything to you didn't care for you at all.

You felt like dying. You got that itch again. You wondered why you should even ignore it anymore. Lukas didn't want you. That gravity you felt when you thought of him was no longer there. Nothing held you to the Earth anymore.

Your chest felt so empty that it physically hurt. It was like a black hole opened up and sucked out all your positivity. There was nothing left but pain and gasping for air.

And you couldn't take it anymore. It was the worst pain you ever felt. It was even worse than feeling lonely. You had never felt your heart break before but you couldn't take it. You had to make it stop.

You made yourself stop sobbing but the tears kept running. You quietly went downstairs. You opened up a drawer and pulled out a knife.

You felt relief when you held it. It was going to be over soon. No one would have to be bothered by you anymore. Lukas could have Shiv.

The thought of Lukas with anyone else just made you cry harder and your chest ache more. You had to remind yourself that he wasn't yours and he didn't want you. The only thing you could do now was stop the pain. Let it end.

You brought the knife to your wrist and held it over the skin. You held it over the scar that marked your skin; the scar that told the world you tried to kill yourself. This time you'd succeed. But your eyes caught on the rings you wore. His words echoed in your head.

Ella, I don't want you to ever do that again, okay? Promise me?

You cried at the memory of when he made you feel like you mattered. And you remembered the words you said back: I promise. You slowly pulled the knife away from your skin. That was when Shiv walked in.

"Oh my god. Ella," Shiv quickly ran over to you and snatched the knife right out of your hands. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

You started to sob again as you hugged her, desperately needing one, "I'm all messed up."

You were so pathetic, weren't you? Wanting to kill yourself over a guy but that's how much it hurt. You couldn't help yourself and you didn't know how to not feel this way. What made it stop?

Shiv was surprised but nevertheless hugged you back rather tightly and combed through your hair. She spoke softly, "We're all...we're all messed up. We all are. But we live with it, Ellie. We live."

"How?"

"We just...we just have to be okay," Shiv advised. "We just have to learn to be okay with the mess."

Okay with the mess. Okay with yourself. Accepting of yourself. You didn't know if you could ever get there but you knew where to start.

_____

In the jet going back to New York, you looked like a ghost. You felt like one as if you'd disappear any second. You didn't talk. You just stared out the window. You told Shiv not to tell your siblings and she seemed to keep to that.

When the jet landed, your siblings were going to the auction at your father's penthouse that Connor was having for your father's things that were left behind. You weren't going. You immediately went to your apartment and got things ready for your travel destination.

Then you waited. You waited for Lukas. You were going to confront him. It was only a couple hours but you needed the time. You needed it to convince yourself you were doing the right thing.

You were sitting on the bench at the foot of the bed when he entered the apartment. You could tell he was happy because he was grinning. The deal must've gone through.

"Are you ready to go? I'm ready to get you out of this fucking city."

You held a blank look and he noticed, "What? What's wrong?"

You wanted to see if he would tell you the truth so you asked, "Did you make a deal with my father for me?"

He stilled and his smile quickly died as he stated solemnly, "You know."

That did it. You started to cry as you stated, "How could you? You made a deal with my father like I was...like I was an object."

"It was just to fucking get closer to you. That's all," he tried to explain. "It was before I even cared about you and all I wanted was..."

He stopped and you pushed, "All you wanted was what?"

He avoided your gaze as he admitted, "To fuck you."

You laughed sarcastically, "Well, congratulations. You got what you wanted. God, I'm so fucking stupid. Roman had it right from the start."

"Ella, I like the sex. I do. But I don't fucking need it. I can go without it if you want me to if that'll prove it to you," he came to you quickly and crouched down in front of you. "Just tell me what you want."

"I read the contract," you revealed. "It said there were two events that were promised. I want to know which ones they were."

"When...when you came to Sweden for the first time to negotiate," Lukas admitted. "And the time in New York at your father's."

"God, no wonder he sent me on a tour with you. And I actually fucked you," you put your head in your hands. "Oh my god, I feel sick."

"Ella," he placed his hands on your knees as he stared at you quite desperately. "I'm sorry. It's bad. I know. But I fucking love you. What does it fucking matter how it started? Let's just move on. Can we move on from this?"

"Alright. Let's move on," you lifted your head with a steely gaze as more tears fell and you moved his hands away from you before you asked. "Did you say you wanted to fuck Shiv?"

His eyes closed briefly, "You weren't supposed to find out."

"No. But I did. And if you could say that, what else could you say?" you cried harder. "You said that while you were with me. Did you know how humiliating that is?"

"Ella..."

"Not to mention the cartoon. My sister pulling your strings. How fucking funny," you started to shout. "Now everyone is always gonna believe you had something with her and I'm just a consolation prize. The irony is that I am!"

"Ella, I was just testing Tom. They didn't mean fucking anything," he argued. "You're gonna break it off with me over fucking words?"

"If you didn't plan on me finding out about them, then they weren't just words, Lukas," you replied. "You knew that they would hurt. You knew that I'd believe them. I mean, what if I told someone I wanted to fuck some other guy? You wouldn't like that, would you?"

It was silent for a moment as you sniffled before you spoke again, "I wanted to kill myself when I found out. I promised you I wouldn't. But I...I still have that feeling. I think I had it for a long time but...being with you just drowned it out. You became my whole world where I want to die if you don't want me. And it's not okay to feel that way. I need to feel okay."

"I'm not going to Sweden with you," you confessed as you stood up which caused him to do so as well. "I'm going back to stay with my Uncle Ewan."

"Ella, please," he pleaded with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll do fucking anything. I'll give you anything. You can get better with me. Just don't...don't fucking leave. Ella..."

You placed a hand against lower torso to calm him before you stared up at him, "If you love me like you say you do, you'll give me space. You won't text. You won't call. You won't write. You won't visit me. You won't have some PI spying on me. You'll leave me alone, Lukas."

"For how long?"

"I don't know."

And he started to cry. His lip quivered as tears fell down his face. He was clenching his jaw to hold in his sobs.

You looked at him sadly before you looked down. You took the rings off your finger before you grabbed his hand and placed them in it.

"You're free to be with whoever you want to be with," you said, feeling a loss settle over you as you placed the rings in his hand. "Because it can't be me."

You got your suitcases and rolled them along behind you. You stopped once he spoke in a broken, hoarse voice, "Do you at least forgive me?"

"I don't know yet," you replied and that produced a fresh wave of tears down his face.

You stared at him for a long moment. The love of your life. That was how you thought of him in the moment. Even now. But then you turned and walked away, exiting out the door. And you didn't look back.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Twenty-One

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One

Warnings: grief at a funeral

Today was the day. You had wrapped yourself so tightly in the cocoon that was happiness with Lukas that you had almost forgotten. Today was the funeral. The funeral for your dead father.

You couldn't quite believe it. It was only a little more than a week ago that he died. But it felt like a lifetime ago. So much had happened. So much had gone on. Life moved on without him. Your life moved on; no longer held back by his whims or wants.

You couldn't help but feel free in a way like a weight lifted. It made you feel terribly guilty but when you kissed Lukas, all that slipped away. You were happy. You were allowed to be happy. You were allowed to live and enjoy life the way that you always wanted to.

You had gotten that. But you were still sad that your father would never see it. He would never know how happy you were. He would never know how you hated the business. He would never know how your life moved on. You felt a certain melancholy about it.

You sighed as you put on your dress on in the rather huge closet in front of the tall mirror. It was an off-the-shoulder black dress but where it folded down over your breasts it was white; it was a short dress and it reached the middle of your thighs. Lukas was behind you and he was fixing his tie. You had brought your dress and heels over to his apartment yesterday along with all your makeup.

Last night, after the two of had sex, you laid beside him as he spooned you. You laid awake, starting to feel numb, as you thought about the next day, the funeral. He combed his hand over your hair before kissing the top of your head, "You okay?"

"Yeah," you formed a small smile. "I think you made me so happy that I forgot that I was sad."

You chuckled a little at the idea. You didn't realize it was possible to be that happy that even sadness couldn't penetrate it. Not even the knowledge of a funeral.

He smiled a little and kissed your shoulder as he rubbed your arm, "Do you...want to talk about it?"

You swallowed before you gave him a questioning look, "Just hold me?"

His arms tightened around you, "Done. Of course I'll hold you."

You sighed into his embrace. You turned to bury your head against his chest. He was so warm and your stomach fluttered. You fell into a peaceful sleep that was only haunted by sweet dreams.

In the morning, the both of you showered. He gave you short, sweet kisses. He whispered sweet nothing's that made you smile and blush. He was everything you needed today.

Now you were getting dressed along with him. You stared at him in the mirror as you shimmied your dress up; you liked looking at him.

Just looking at him gave you comfort. You liked to look at him and admire him. You liked knowing he was yours. That someone loved you deeply. That's why you liked doing it so much.

He caught your stare after he fixed his tie and grinned slightly, "What?"

"Can you zip me?" you came up with an excuse.

You could've zipped it yourself but you liked when he did it. He came over to you in an instant and his hands would explore the bare skin. You liked him touching you. You liked how eager he was for it. But you didn't let him know that.

"I said zip me. Not feel me up," you scolded with a little smile.

"I am," Lukas grinned. "Just a little bit more slowly, ja?"

You hummed and let him do so before finally your dress was zipped up. You turned to him and analyzed him a bit. You ran your hand over his cheek affectionately, noting that he shaved and no longer had any stubble; you missed the stubble.

"You should wear a suit more often," you said unabashedly. "It makes me want to kiss you."

His eyes practically lit up and he leaned down to kiss you. But you stopped him as you giggled, "Lukas, I'm wearing lipstick."

"So I won't be able to kiss you all day?" he said incredulously.

"No."

He actually pouted, "I don't like that."

"Too bad, handsome."

You reached up and readjusted his tie. It was a bit crooked. Then you just let your hands rest over his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

One of his hands ran along your hand, pushing up the sleeve, to the scar hidden underneath before he questioned, "Long sleeves?"

You dropped your hands and picked at your sleeves. You avoided his gaze, "He never liked it. Always had me cover it up. And I...I don't want to do something he wouldn't like when he can't say anything about it. It feels rude."

"Alright," he said softly before he kissed your cheek. "Well, you look beautiful."

"Do I? Should I change?" you worried. "I don't think I'm supposed to look beautiful at a funeral. Isn't that rude, too?"

"You could wear a fucking trash bag and still look beautiful," Lukas said which made you blush.

"Now stop worrying, hjärtat," he grabbed your hands and entwined them with his as he stared at you intensely. "Let me take care of you."

"Okay," you said a bit nervously as your heart skipped a beat and you tightened your grip on his hands. "Okay. Thank you."

"Ella, we're getting married," Lukas replied with an amused grin. "There are no fucking thank you's."

"What do I say then?"

"Like I fucking love you," Lukas smiled as he stared at you.

"Oh," you blushed. "Well, that's easy. I love you."

Lukas went to lean in again but stopped, "I still can't fucking kiss you, can I?"

"No," you giggled before you stepped away to slip on your heels.

_____

Your siblings had insisted that you ride with them to the funeral. You refused. You rode with Lukas instead and it was sort of chaos outside since it was the day after the election. Some of his staff rode with you two; he talked to Oskar as you sat beside him with his arm wrapped around your shoulders.

Traffic was slow and Lukas complained before going on his phone. You were content with looking out the window. You wondered if you should've brought your sketchbook to draw and drown out the sadness you'd inevitably be feeling today. But it was too late for that.

When you got there, Shiv had almost immediately approached them to talk to Lukas. She wanted to talk a bit privately away from the Gojo team. You went with Lukas, holding his hand and dissociating.

Shiv was pitching herself to be CEO and you didn't pay attention. But you tuned back in when you heard mention of Shiv being pregnant. You couldn't believe it. You felt a stabbing sensation in your chest.

"You're pregnant?" you asked.

"I...yes. I already told Ken and Rome so you should know, too."

You blinked for a moment before you hugged her with a small smile, "Congrats!"

You tried to hold it in but you pulled away with a barely there smile. You thought of the baby you lost. You couldn't help it. Tears gathered in your eyes. You were still so emotional about it. And you thought of how Shiv still had the baby despite going through all the emotional trauma and stress of losing their father but you lost yours in car wreck that had barely harmed you. Was there something wrong with you? Why did you have to lose your baby?

"I'm sorry," you clenched your jaw to keep from crying. "I just have to get some water."

"Ella," Lukas stepped towards you as he still held your hand.

He looked at you ever so softly but you avoided his gaze as you spoke, "I'm just getting water."

And you slipped your hand from his before disappearing into the crowd. His jaw ticked. He stared after you before turning back to Shiv.

"Uh, what the fuck?" Shiv questioned.

"She's just...sad," Lukas gestured away. "It's nothing."

"Come on, Lukas," Shiv gave him a look. "It's clearly not nothing and she's my sister. Tell me."

"No," Lukas was stern and his eyes were cold. "You don't get to fucking get into her. If she wanted you to know, she would've told you."

Shiv felt her eyes widen, "Wow. Fine. Of course. Whatever."

_____

You hadn't actually gone to get water. You just needed to get away. Away from the fact that Shiv was pregnant and you weren't. You felt like every time you were going to look at her it was going to remind you of that fact. And it hurt.

On your little outing to get away, you bumped into Uncle Ewan.

His mouth twitched to form the tiniest smile, "Ella."

"Oh," you smiled a bit and gave him a hug. "Hi, Uncle Ewan."

"Are you well?" he asked. His eyes seemed to analyze you and you felt like you were about to break into a sweat. "I still think you came back too soon."

"I'm fine," you answered in a quiet tone and he merely hummed like he didn't believe you.

He patted your shoulder before squeezing it, "If you ever need to come back, you're always welcome."

And he left you.

You leaned against the side of one of the pews. You took a deep breath before you looked back into the crowd to see Lukas. He was with the Gojo team but he was staring at you. You wondered how long he had done so.

As you glanced at him, the thought hit you all at once. You pictured their kids. You pictured them with his blond hair. You hadn't done this since you'd been pregnant. You'd cut it off from your brain because it was just too difficult to think of. But you thought of it now.

It felt like it an inevitability. Their kids. You having kids with Lukas. Because he was the one for you. You were in love with him. So in love with him that you felt as if the twenty feet separating them was too much. You didn't realize you gained a sort of soft look glancing over at him before you were interrupted.

"He hasn't stopped staring at you, you know," your mother spoke. "I always knew you'd be the one with all the boys chasing after you. Too pretty not to."

"Mom," you scolded with a small blush. "He's not chasing me. He doesn't have to chase me."

"Oh, I know," Caroline smiled a bit cheekily. "I think I'm the only one here that's noticed that ring on your finger."

Your mouth opened and closed before you swallowed, "Yes, I'm marrying him."

"And does he know..." Caroline spoke quietly as she leaned in. "About your condition?"

About the depression. About trying to kill yourself. Your mother spoke of it like it was a disease. A disease she was ashamed of and you blinked back angry, hot tears.

"Yes, he knows, Mom," you snapped.

"I didn't mean it like that, dear," she replied. "It's just you can be a little...strange. But I heard he's quite aloof so you two should be a good match. He's very handsome, too, I must say. Your children will be quite adorable."

Caroline smiled a bit before continuing, "You are having children, aren't you? I always thought it'd be you first before Siobhan."

"I, yes," you swallowed, overwhelmed with your mother. "We're going to have kids."

Then you admitted something you hadn't told anyone else, "I'm moving to Sweden with him."

"I figured you would be," Caroline stated. "You will come and visit your dear old Mum, won't you?"

"Yes, Mom," you smiled slightly.

"Alright, well, I'll let you be," Caroline patted you on the arm. "I have to go pull Peter away from a pile of senators."

You smiled a bit before walked through the crowd back to Lukas. He pulled you against his side as he kissed the top of your head as he whispered, "You okay?"

"I'm okay," you smiled a bit. "So my mother knows that we're getting married."

"Oh," he grinned. "She does?"

"You just can't wait to tell everyone, can you?"

"No."

You shook your head before you saw the casket start to be carried in. You took a deep breath as you looked up at him, "You'll be at the reception, right?"

"Of course," he promised softly and kissed the top of your head again.

You nodded before you left his presence. You weren't going to be sitting with him. You were sitting with your siblings at the front.

You sat beside Connor and he smiled, "Hey. You're not gonna have Matsson up here?"

"I don't think that'd be appropriate right now, Con."

"Yeah. I guess you're right. But I really like how he stood up for you the other night," he stated. "He's really starting to be a keeper, isn't he?"

"Yes," you genuinely smiled. "I think he is."

Then Roman approached the pew. He looked almost scared to as he looked at you and swallowed, "Ella."

You ignored him but nevertheless allowed him to sit beside you. You noticed that everyone else was starting to sit down as well. The ceremony was officially beginning and then there came time for speeches.

Uncle Ewan stood up. There was a brief argument where Greg and your siblings were trying to get him to sit back down. You merely shook your head at them.

Then Uncle Ewan gave his speech. You thought it was a bit touching as you got to learn a bit more about your father. Then Roman got up to give the other side. But he seemed to struggle.

"My father, Logan Roy, uh.." Roman started. "Uh. He was, uh, a great man in the, um...in the true sense...sense of the world... word."

Then he gestured to them as he whispered, "Can you just come here?

You and your siblings got up. You met him on the stairs to the podium where he confessed, "Uh, yeah. No. So, uh, I can't do it. I can't...I can't do the thing. I actually can't do this."

His voice started to break as he looked at the casket, "Is he... is he... is he in there?"

"Yeah," Shiv said softly.

"Well, can we get him out?" Roman questioned as he started to sob.

Your chest tightened at his pain. You had the grace to pull him into a hug even though he hadn't even apologized to you. He hid his face in the crook of your shoulder as he cried.

"I'm sorry," Roman sobbed.

"It's okay. It's okay," Kendall patted his back before directing his eyesight to you. "You got him?"

You nodded and led Roman back to the pew. You sat down with him and let him continue to lay his head on your shoulder. The rest of your siblings followed besides Kendall who was going to give the speech instead.

"I have some of his, uh, words, my... my sister's and my brothers', but, um..." Kendall inhaled sharply. "Yeah, I... I don't know...how much I know. But... I knew my father. You know, I've said it. I've said it. And it is true, what I said, what my uncle said. Yeah, my father was, um...a brute. He was. He was tough."

Kendall continued, "But, also, he built...and he acted. And there are many people out there who will always tell you no. And there are a thousand reasons, I mean, there always are, a thousand reasons not to... to not act. But he was never one of those. He had a, uh...You know, he had a vitality, a force... that could hurt...and it did."

"But my God, the sheer, the... the...I mean, look at it. The lives, and the livings, and the things that he made. And the money," Kendall chuckled. "Yeah, the money. The lifeblood, the oxygen of this... this... this wonderful civilization that we have built from the mud."

Kendall spoke as if the company was life itself. You supposed there was a certain gravity to it. But you knew all too well that wasn't the true life force. To you, it was obvious, that true life force was love because everyone needed it even if they thought they didn't.

"The money, the corpuscles of life gushing around this nation, this world, filling men and women all around with...with desire. Quickening the ambition to own, and make, and trade, and profit, and build and improve. I mean, great geysers of life he willed. Of buildings he made stand. Of ships, steel hulls. Amusements, newspapers, shows, and films, and life. Bloody, complicated life. He made life happen."

"He made me and my three siblings," Kendall said before correcting himself as he gazed at you. "I'm sorry, me and my four siblings."

You swallowed as a lump built in your throat. That hurt. Kendall had forgotten you after only a mere moment after acknowledging you with Roman. It was obvious he didn't think of you as one of them in his head.

"And, uh, and yes, he had a terrible force to him. And a fierce ambition that could push you to the side. But... But it was only that... that human thing. The will to be, and to be seen, and to do. And now people might want to tend and prune the memory of him to denigrate that force. That magnificent, awful force of him, but my God, I hope it's in me."

No, Kendall, you should not hope it's in you. It leads to children with neglected hearts and broken people around whoever had it. Uncle Ewan was exactly right.

"Because if we can't match his vim, then God knows the future will be sluggish and gray. And there wasn't a room, from the grandest state room where his advice was sought to the lowest house where his news played, where he couldn't walk and wasn't comfortable. He was comfortable with this world. And he knew it. He knew it and he liked it. And I say amen to that."

You clapped as did everyone else. But you did not agree. The world was sluggish and gray being in that world where power was everything. It was an empty world giving you nothing but an empty life.

You realized that Lukas was in that world. It hit you like a ton of bricks. Lukas had a fierce ambition and this terrible force that he could wield at times. But you assured yourself it would be okay. He'd never push you to the side or treat you like an object. No, Lukas loved you. He loved you.

_____

After the ceremony, you went with your siblings to the cemetery. Only a select few were invited to this part. Everyone else went to the reception. You checked out the mausoleum with your siblings.

"What do say, Ella? A top or bottom bunk?"

"I don't want to be buried," you stated. "I want to be burned."

You didn't like the idea of being in the cold, dark Earth or inside the stone in this case. It felt too lonely. No, you wanted to be burned. You wanted to be ash and given to the wind in a place where it rained all the time. You'd always loved the rain. Your ashes, always knowing warmth from the fire that burnt you, and feeling the essence of the rain. It seemed right.

You watched the casket of your father get carted into the mausoleum. It'd be the final time you'd ever see him and a few tears fell. You couldn't help it. You were still sad he was gone even though you were better off.

There was a small ceremony and then it was over. You rode with your siblings (besides Connor) to the reception. Kendall chose this moment to get into you while you were trapped in the car.

"You need to break it off with Matsson, El. It's just...it's sick."

"No."

"How do you even love him?" Kendall questioned. "Is he giving you the CEO position? Is that it?"

"What?" you exclaimed and you didn't notice Shiv had perked up to listen now. "Why would I want that?"

"It's the only thing that makes any sense."

"No, it's not," you blinked back tears. "I love him. And for you to suggest that I'm with him for a job like...like some whore. You're the one that's sick."

You turned away from with a huff as you crossed your arms. When the limo arrived, you were out of the door in an instant. You walked into the reception and immediately grabbed a glass of champagne. You gulped the drink down quickly. And then another.

Then you went and found Lukas. You wanted to leave immediately.

"Right now?" he bit his lip. "Can't you just wait a little bit? Just until I talk to Mencken?"

"Oh," you blinked. "Alright."

You seemed to fade into the background after that. Lukas was talking to Shiv and you were invisible. You leaned against the wall and Oskar talked to you for a bit. But then he left you alone and you dissociated as you waited.

Shiv brought the future president over. Lukas told him his philosophy while gesturing to you: none besides keeping this one happy. He had played it off as sort of a joke but everyone could tell that he meant it. You had missed it.

Then you went home with him. He was in a very good mood because Mencken wasn't going to block the deal. You were happy for him.

"Are you going to celebrate?"

"Yes. Right now."

"How? There's no champagne in here," you looked around.

He chuckled, "I don't need the fucking champagne. I have you."

And he kissed you then. It would no doubt leave lipstick stains but he didn't seem to care. You didn't either at this point. You melted right into his embrace. Your heart skipped a beat at the thought that his idea of celebration was kissing you. When you got back to his apartment, you were content to kiss him for the rest of the evening, making out on his couch because the two of you were too lazy to make it all the way to the bedroom.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Twenty

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty

Warnings: brief mentions of smut (18+)

It was morning. It was late morning and they still hadn't gotten out of bed. You were laying on your back and he was on his side, pressed up against you, with one arm wrapped around you across your boobs. The other was propping him up and your legs were tangled with his.

Every time you went to pull away, he would pull you back into him with a searing kiss. You couldn't help but stay in his arms and let his mouth devour yours. As he did so, your blood buzzed like fireworks danced beneath your skin, in your veins and you could not get enough. Your own hands tangled in his hair as they kissed. You felt a bit dizzy but still your lips chased his like he was the air your lungs desperately needed instead of him being the one stealing it.

Finally, you tried to gain sense as you panted, "Lukas, we can't stay in bed all day."

"I think we should," he pressed a kiss to your cheek with a grin.

"We can't. Because we..." you breathed. "We have things to do."

"They can wait," his hold tightened on you and he kissed your lips.

His tongue invaded your mouth and you let out a little moan. Then you moved away, scooting out of his hold to sit on the edge of the bed. You panted again.

"They can't wait," you reasoned. "It's Election Day. I...I have to vote and you....you have to get me a ring."

You were voting for Connor, of course. In the state of New York, it's not like your vote mattered much in the long run. Plus, you'd always be on the side of your best brother.

You were pouting now as you stared at him. You wanted a ring. Wanted something that was more than just words. You wanted proof.

"That can all be done. We can do that," he persuaded eagerly as he ran his fingers up your back, trailing down your spine which made you shiver. "But just...later."

You looked back at him. His touch was your absolute weakness along with his eyes that were staring at you, hypnotizing you. You felt all hot now as he was giving you that look, that darkened look, with a small little grin as he called your name softly. You bit your lip as you contemplated.

It felt like you were on auto-pilot as you just started to move towards him. You crawled back on the bed and you straddled him. You stared down at him a bit excitedly.

"This is so bad. We're so bad," you bit your lip again as you felt his erection press against your folds.

He sat up to caress your cheek before he gained a smug smile, "Maybe we're a little bad. But does that fucking matter?"

"No," you whispered as you felt him press against your slit and you started to breathe a little heavy with the anticipation. "You'll pull out, right?"

The condom he had used had been thrown away after many, many rounds of sex. They didn't have another one and you decided that today you also wanted to buy condoms because with the way things felt between them, it was almost like an addiction.

"I'll pull out," he stated before kissing your lips shortly and then you felt him push into you. And they had sex again.

_____

They were in the shower now. They had done a lot of kissing in here, too before you got Lukas to focus. They both applied shampoo to their hair before they washed the other in body wash. He was washing your body, rubbing soap suds onto your body. He was at breasts currently and you let out a little sigh.

"Do they...hurt you?" he asked curiously as he stared into your eyes.

"What? Why would my boobs hurt?"

"I mean, you're so tiny," he gained a small grin. "I heard that they can cause back pain or some shit. I don't fucking know."

You giggled, "No, I don't have any back pain. They're not that big."

He hummed as he moved his hands down your stomach before you commented, "Its hard to find bras, though. Like I can find bras that fit my boobs but they don't fit my waist. But they're usually unflattering types of bras."

You had big boobs but you were a tiny person. You had a tiny waist. You could never find a band size that fit you.

You remembered when you were a teenager and your boobs grew over the summer during puberty. You went back to school not wearing a bra because you couldn't find one that fit. It was an all-girls school but your teacher, who was a man, kept staring and was getting really red in the face. You didn't understand why. You were sent to the dean who called your father and Logan was furious; he was disappointed in you. From that point on, you had custom-made bras.

"There's fucking different kinds of bras? You're serious?" he asked in confusion.

"Yes, Lukas," you smiled in amusement. "And I have to get mine custom-made."

"That's a thing?"

"For me, it is."

"Of course it is," he grinned. "You're such a princess."

You blushed, "Shut up. You said I was supposed to be pampered."

"True. And I'm probably gonna fucking overdo it. You should know that."

"Okay," you smiled widely. "I'll spoil you, too, then."

He chuckled, "Alright."

He stared at your smile and he couldn't help it. He tilted your chin up with his soapy hand and kissed you. It was a short, sweet kiss before he pulled away muttering beautiful. You blushed before you turned around for him to do your backside. He started massaging your shoulders before trailing down. You sighed a little bit.

Then he got down to your butt and he squeezed your cheeks before massaging them. He spread them a little bit as he did so and you realized that he knew what your asshole looked like when you did not. His thumb then ran over that hole and you jumped.

"Uh-huh. No," you denied. "I don't like that. I'm not ever having ass-sex."

He couldn't help but chuckle, "Did you just call it ass-sex?"

You blushed, "Yes. But you get my point."

"I wasn't going to do anything, Ella," he started to wash down your thighs. "I just...I was going to ask if you were curious or whatever. I'm not really an ass guy but I would've done it if you wanted me to."

"I'm perfectly happy with your dick in my vagina thank you very much."

"Perfectly happy? Is it that good?"

You blushed again, "You already know the answer to that question."

He hummed before finishing cleaning you. You turned to do him. You gathered some soap in your hands before starting to lather his chest in it. You did his torso and you just barely reach his shoulders. He chuckled, "You're so cute."

He then lifted you up to hook your legs around his waist. He held you there with his hands on your thighs as you rubbed his shoulders, massaging them and relieving the tension. He hummed in content, "That feels good."

"Yeah, because you have terrible posture. You're always hunching over all the time," you said as you scrunched your nose. "I'm worried I'll have to make you wear a back brace when you're fifty."

"You're worried? About my posture?" he said in amusement.

"Of course I am," you nuzzled your nose against his cheek before pressing a kiss to the skin. "I'll always worry about you."

He smiled softly before kissing you. It was soft and slow before you both pulled away. It left you with a little happy smile as you continued your work on his shoulders. You trailed a finger over the scar on one; a scar from the accident.

Then you pecked him on the lips, "Okay. I'm all done here."

He set you down and you finished his front before doing his backside. Then you both washed off together and you had a smile, "You're gonna smell like me."

"Yeah. Like fucking flowers," he sniffed and frowned that he, a guy, smelt so feminine. "It's not very attractive."

"Of course it is," you smiled and ran your hands up his torso. "I like it. It's like you're mine."

"I am yours," he said before he grinned. "Wouldn't want to be anything else, princess."

You blushed before you reached up and looped your arms around his neck. You pulled him down to you before kissing softly and then muttering, "Love you."

He picked you up again to wrap your legs around his waist. You kissed for a little while longer under the water with your body pressed against his. The shower was a mess of steam and it was hot; it made everything even more dizzy as he kissed you but you didn't let yourself get carried away. The two of you finally got out to actually begin your day.

_____

You went out with Lukas. You went and voted while he waited in the car. Then you went with him to pick out a ring at a jewelry store. He was letting you pick the ring because he wanted you to have the ring that you wanted. They actually went to four different stores before she found one she liked, loved.

Your eyes had locked in on it. But you went around the store first just to make sure before coming back to it. It was a gold ring with a diamond in the shape of a heart. You wondered if it was childish to get a wedding ring that had a heart. But it was what you liked.

You supposed you wanted to look down at the heart on your finger and know that someone's heart belonged to you. It also went along with the matching bracelets you and Lukas wore. It was a theme because he had your heart and you had his.

So you wanted to wear a ring on your finger that told the whole world that your heart belonged to him. You didn't want some regular diamond because he was not just some jewel to you. You didn't want some ring that held no meaning. You wanted a heart because you gave him yours.

"This one," you happily smiled as you slid it on your finger; it was a bit loose and it would have to be resized.

"You sure? You know you can pick anything?"

The ring you picked was a bit dainty but still elegant. It wasn't very flashy compared to something that Lukas might've picked. This was more simple but you couldn't help but like it. It was bright to you.

"Yes, this one."

And you ended up picking out an engagement ring. It was a simple gold band with diamonds inset all the way around it. The two of you waited a few minutes for the rings to be resized before you left with Lukas.

You could feel the weight of the rings on your finger and it made you feel giddy. You immediately jumped up into his arms as they left and kissed him as he held you to him. You muttered I love you's in between kisses.

He put you down eventually and you walked with him back to the car holding his hand. You stared up at him a bit dreamily, "I'm really happy, you know. Is this what it's gonna be like with you everyday?"

"I'll try. I'll really fucking try," Lukas promised before he grinned slightly. "I'll do anything for my girl. My Ella."

His Ella. You felt butterflies and you pulled him in for a short kiss, stopping him as you did so. When you started walking with him again, you felt like this was the happiest you'd ever been. And you realized that not only did Lukas give you love by being in your life but he gave you joy as well. You finally felt joy deep in your bones that made you have a little skip in your step. You were happy and you would continue to be for as long as you had him, as long as you were his.

_____

That night you went to his apartment. He had some of his Gojo staff there to watch the election news, like a watch party, because whoever was elected could very well decide whether the deal went through. Lukas talked to Shiv on the phone a little bit; apparently, it was chaotic at Waystar. That didn't surprise you.

But you mostly focused on Lukas. You kept glued to Lukas. You sat beside him on the couch. Every time he moved, you moved. If he got up to go talk to someone, you'd grab his hand and go with him. Lukas grinned every time you did so; he loved the clinginess.

He'd remove his hand from yours and wrap his arm around you, pulling you close. He'd kiss the top of your head. He loved your presence up against him. And his chest felt all warm; he kept scratching at the feeling.

When everyone left, you immediately attacked him with kisses, sliding your hand under his shirt, "You shouldn't have had anyone over."

"Ella, it was work..." he went to argue but immediately paused as you took off your shirt. Jesus.

"So work is more important?" you questioned as you undid your bra and let it fall from your silky skin.

"No. Fuck. No," he swallowed before he grabbed you, pulling you to him, and kissed you hard.

You let him do so for a moment as his hands explored your breasts. Then you pulled away and grabbed his hand while walking backwards to the bedroom. He followed you like lovesick hunchback puppy.

"Don't ever think work is more important than me, Lukas," you demanded before your voice quieted. "That's what everyone else does."

"Never. Ella, never," he promised as gazed at you like you were made of stardust. "I love you."

There's no way he'd think, well, anything was more important than you. How could you ever think that? He blamed your father and your siblings. He hated that you didn't believe you were absolutely perfect. He would just have to prove it to you, every day, for the rest of his life.

Once they reached the bedroom, he kissed you ever so softly. Delicately. He tried to kiss you in a way that conveyed you were everything to him. Because you were.

Yes, he loved the sex. He'd always love the sex. He was a guy after all. But he could go without that because he loved you. He loved your ramblings and the way you worried. He loved your smile and your unending kindness. He loved your shyness and the way you blushed so easily at the simplest fucking compliment. And, god, he was surprised but he loved your hugs; they were so tight and warm. He fucking loved you. He loved you so much that it made it hard to breathe sometimes. You made it hard to breathe. You did that.

And he was terrified one day you'd wake up and realize how beneath you he was. But you never did. He hoped it'd stay that way.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Eighteen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen

Warnings: reader has zero self-esteem and is VERY blind

You didn't know this at all but Kendall was strict with everyone about there being no leaks about your relationship with Matsson. Although, nothing public went out, rumors certainly circulated and swirled around the two of you.

These rumors had circulated once before when Lukas released the picture on his socials a few months ago. People thought the two of you were in relationship. But now the rumors were even more rampant with whispers that it was confirmed you were the girl he was fucking.

These rumors were mostly in the circles of Waystar and Gojo. It wasn't necessarily in the public sphere. The relationship the two of you had and because you weren't exactly celebrities kept it private.

But it was not private to your family anymore. Shiv was on a jet in LA when Lukas came aboard. He talked about Living+ before Shiv brought up what Ella said.

"You know my sister said something interesting," Shiv stated. "She said that she's sleeping with you but specifically used the word fuck. Quite the scandal."

"Wow. She, uh, said that, huh?" Lukas hummed. "Well, that...is true. Yeah, we fucked but that's like old news."

"Really?" Shiv raised her eyebrows before she realized. "So my little sister is the girl you're dating?"

"Yeah. Yeah. She is," Lukas said a bit nervously. He didn't really know how much you wanted people to know and he didn't want to upset you.

"So she's your girl on the inside?"

"No, no," Lukas denied. "Ella is...my girl, yes. Not my fucking spy."

"But you want me to be your spy?"

"That shouldn't be a problem, right?" he grinned cutely.

Shiv hummed.

______

When you got back from Norway, you were called in for a sit down with your three siblings in LA. You had your arms crossed. Roman had talked first.

"El, look, I was all messed up and Matsson was being an asshole but I shouldn't have taken it out on you, okay? There, I said it."

"Are you sorry, though?"

"What? Yeah. Of course."

You sighed and nodded.

"Okay, great. That's out of the way. Now, El, is what you said about Matsson true?" Kendall asked. "Did you fucking sleep with him?"

"You know when I kept alluding to the fact that Matsson wanted to fuck you. I didn't mean that you should actually do it," Roman said.

"Yes, I slept with him," you huffed at them. "Multiple times in multiple different positions. Would you like specifics?"

You hated how they were getting into you. Why was it so wrong for you to sleep with Lukas? If it had been any other guy in the world, you bet they wouldn't even know the guy's name nor even care. But because it was Lukas, the enemy, it was suddenly interesting.

"Wow, okay," Shiv replied as her eyes widened. "So what's the scope of this thing? It only just happened in Norway, right?"

"No," you explained. "We're dating. I've been with him for months."

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me?" Kendall stated angrily. "He's more than a decade older than you. It's fucking disgusting."

"It's not disgusting," tears stung your eyes. "I love him."

"He really fucked with you, didn't he?" Roman frowned.

"You love him?" Shiv questioned skeptically, ignoring Roman.

"Yes!" you exclaimed, nearly shouting, and stood up. "And you're not gonna convince me to give him up so I don't want to hear it. From any of you."

And you walked out angrily, pushing the door open harshly. You knew this is what they would be like: completely against it. You hadn't wanted them to know because you knew all it would be from them was trying to convince you to break it off with Lukas. You just wanted them to supportive for once of something that you did. You weren't sure that would ever happen anymore and maybe it was time you stopped hoping for it.

_____

You knew Lukas was in LA currently. He had texted you a goofy picture of himself in his jet saying that he had landed. It had made you laugh. He even informed you of the restaurant he was currently at.

You did not go.

Even though you had been angry at your siblings, you immediately deflated when you thought of Lukas. You were sad. You texted him that you were going back to New York.

it can't wait?

no

You continued to give him these one word responses. You barely answered his calls. You were sure he was going to break up with you if you stayed on the phone for too long. You wondered what you would do if that happened.

You didn't know if you could cope. Would you even be able to move on from Lukas? You wanted to test the theory. You wanted to meet a guy and see if there were any sparks. So you went to a club and drank and danced.

You danced with a guy. Mainly you were grinding your ass against his crotch. You wondered if you would even like a dick of another man. But when this man put his hands on your hips and traveled to grab your ass, you couldn't do it.

You felt immense guilt. You were still in a relationship with Lukas. It wasn't right. But most importantly is that you didn't want any other touch besides the one that came from Lukas. He was the person that you wanted, he was the person that you loved, and he was the person that you needed.

Once you had gotten back to your apartment that night, you called to confess your sins. It was FaceTime call as you sat on your bed with your legs crisscrossed.

"Hey," he smiled slightly as he answered.

"I was at a club," you immediately blurted out in anxiousness.

He sat up straighter as he furrowed his eyebrows, "Alright?"

"Someone touched my ass," you confessed. "It was some random guy. But I just...I wanted you to know."

"Okay," he said slowly like he had expected you to say something more substantial. He relaxed back against the couch he sat on. "Well, I trust you, so..."

"Okay," you breathed more easily.

"I, uh, heard a rumor," Lukas grinned. "That you and I are fucking. I thought you didn't want that out."

"I decided it doesn't matter anymore."

"Oh," he started to gain a suggestive smile. "Does that mean we can go public now?"

"If you want," you said quietly.

"I want to."

"Alright," you complied.

"Alright?" he smiled like he won the lottery even though he was a billionaire and had everything.

"Yes, Lukas," you couldn't help but smile and blush. "Does that make you happy?"

"Very."

"Okay," you shook your head with a small smile as moved to lay against your mattress. "I'm gonna go to sleep now."

"Sweet dreams."

And you hung up the phone. You had a little smile on your face as you went to bed. But it turned into a frown as you thought that this was all just temporary. Lukas would see that he really didn't want you as his girlfriend and definitely not publicly. You fell asleep with nightmares of Lukas breaking up with you. You could not accept that he wanted you; it didn't make any sense. His actions weren't lining up to you.

You had no idea that after that phone call, Lukas went and changed every bio on all of his social media. The first line of every single one read: Ella's boyfriend. You didn't have any social media and didn't know about any of this. If you had, your mind might not have so easily doubted.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Sixteen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen

Warnings: none

When the jet finally landed, it was the first time you had ever been swarmed by the media. You were overwhelmed. Cameras flashed and nearly blinded you.

"Ella! Ella! We hear you were on the plane when your father died. Can you make any comment?"

Their voices were loud as they called your name, trying to get your attention. They all wanted the same thing. You were breathing heavily before your driver, Henry, intervened with a cold tone, "Please, step aside!"

"Miss Ella, come with me," Henry grabbed your wrist and guided you through the crowd to the car.

He opened the car door and you quickly slid inside. He closed it before getting in the driver's seat and taking off slowly as the media swarmed the car, banging on the windows for your opinion. But eventually the car was far and away from the airport and you breathed more calmly.

You were taken to your apartment and you made your way up. Still in your dress, you crawled into bed and laid on top of the covers. You laid there with your heart pounding and the blood rushing in your ears before Lukas called you. It was a FaceTime call this time.

"Are you back home?" he questioned. "That seemed intense."

"Yeah," you stared into space.

You shuffled a bit and could feel the softness of the blankets on your feet. You looked down at your bare feet, surprised. Did you really get off the plane without your shoes? You thought you had put them back on but apparently not.

"I forgot my heels," you said, starting to get up. "I should go back and get them."

"No, Ella," Lukas stated. "Forget the shoes."

"They were my favorite, though."

"I'll buy you new ones."

You frowned but relented. You laid back down. For the rest of evening, you talked to Lukas. He got you talking about random things and some of them even made you laugh. And when you did so for the first time, you had started to cry.

"My father just died. I shouldn't be laughing," you cried. "That's wrong, isn't it?"

"Ella, no," Lukas denied. "Hjärtat, it's okay. It's okay to smile again."

You calmed down a bit but you kept sniffling before you asked, "You'll be at the funeral, right? You'll..."

"I'll be at the funeral," he said softly.

The funeral would probably only be a week later. You could wait to see Lukas until then. You had told him again that you didn't want him to come and see you. You didn't want to do anything that would upset your siblings, make them mad at you, because you couldn't handle that right now. Being with Lukas would make them mad at you. You were sure of it. You didn't like the thought of it.

Lukas wanted to come see you desperately but he was a slave to your wants. And he knew he was terrible with boundaries; he did not want to cross one that would make you mad at him. So he stayed halfway across the world from you.

"Okay," you breathed out and the thought of seeing him seemed to calm you.

You stayed on the phone with him for most of the evening. He got your mind off of what had just happened today. Then you eventually fell asleep with the FaceTime call still running.

_____

The next day was the wake for your father. It was at your father's penthouse. You were a bit late because you woke up late. You were a bit hurt that Lukas had ended the FaceTime call sometime when you were asleep. (You didn't notice that he only ended it about twenty minutes before you woke up.)

You didn't know why you were; it's not like he could be expected to stay up just watching you sleep. You supposed you just wanted him to stay on the line in case you woke up and wanted to talk to him. You didn't really know what you were thinking; your mind was a mess.

You took a shower and quickly got dressed. You put on a black sweater that actually belonged to Lukas and paired it with a mid-length red leather skirt; the sweater was large on you and the red of your skirt was just barely peaking out. Then you wore black booties and you put your hair into a French braid.

When you got there, you were greeted with Marcia. The older woman smiled and held out her arms, "Ella, it is so lovely to see you."

You hugged Marcia and she gave you reassuring smile as you pulled away, "It will get better, you know."

"Thank you," you formed a small smile and went on your way.

There was a bunch of condolences from people you didn't know. They patted your shoulder as you went past. You didn't see Connor but you found your three siblings sitting privately in one of the rooms.

You opened the door full of little glass windows to see them. You smiled slightly as you fumbled with the long sleeves that completely covered your hands, "Hi, guys."

"Ella," Kendall scolded. "Not right now."

You frowned, a bit hurt, before you looked at the phone on the table, "Oh. Sorry."

There were some mutterings on the phone before you heard a voice you recognized. Oskar.

"Lukas would actually like to talk to your sister," Oskar addressed. "He says he can talk to her."

"Oh, so his busy schedule just cleared up?" Shiv rolled her eyes.

"Well, he only has time to talk to one person he says and he'd like it to be her," Oskar argued.

"Really? Our little sister?" Roman questioned as three of them shared a look. Kendall looked at you before nodding.

"Alright. Yeah. Sure, man," Kendall agreed and Roman handed you the phone. You panicked a little bit as you pulled your sleeve up a bit so you could actually grab it.

You took it and you put it off speakerphone. Then you spoke, "Hi, Oskar."

"Ella," it was Lukas.

"Oh," you swallowed at the stares of your siblings. "Hey."

"How do you feel? Are you alright?" he worried.

"For now. Yes."

"Good. That's good," he said nervously and it was silent for a moment; you could tell he was debating questioning you about something. "Could I ask you to do something for me?"

"What?"

"Your father passing means the board is picking a new CEO."

"And?"

"And I think it would be very nice if that was my girl," you could tell he was grinning. "Very appealing."

You were a silent for a moment as you debated the thought in your head. Would that make him happy? But it would make your siblings mad and, most importantly, you did not want it.

He continued to persuade as you stayed silent, "You have experience. There's no reason it can't be you. Everyone fucking loves you..."

"No."

"No?"

"No, that doesn't work. I don't want to," you denied.

"Ella..."

"No," and you hung up.

You handed Roman the phone. You were silent and Kendall probed, "And? What did he say, El?"

"He wanted me to be CEO," you did not lie.

"You? CEO? Why?" Shiv asked.

You shrugged.

"Nice to know Lukas still definitely has a thing for you," Roman gained a smug look.

You shuffled a bit awkwardly and denied, "No."

"Ellie, come on," Shiv smiled. "He definitely has a crush on you."

"I don't want to talk about it," you replied.

"Yeah, can we not?" Kendall frowned. "It's disgusting."

You frowned. Was it disgusting for you to be loved? But then again you didn't really know if Lukas still loved you; he hadn't said it. You hoped he did. You wanted him to.

_____

Later on, Kendall, Roman, and Shiv needed to discuss the board vote privately. You were with Connor and you hugged him tightly, "I'm so sorry. Do you hate me?"

"Hate you? Why on Earth would I hate you, kid?"

"Well...I didn't go to your wedding. I've never missed anything so big and it's completely terrible. I'm terrible," you declared.

"You are far from terrible, Ellie," Connor argued. "And I forgive you. If anything, I'm more concerned about you and how you're doing."

"About me?"

"You were on the plane, Ellie. You saw it happen," Connor clarified. "Of course, I'm concerned. I'm your eldest brother and I want you to know that I love you, alright?"

"I...I love you, too, Con," she smiled a bit, feeling a small amount of joy that someone said it. "And I'm alright for now."

"You sure?"

"Yes. Yes. I'm better now than yesterday," you stated.

"Okay," he squeezed your shoulder affectionately before he spoke softly. "You know, Pop, was complicated, Ellie. But you know he loved you, right?"

You swallowed and nodded, "I know."

You only half believed it. It was a hard pill to swallow. You struggled with any form of love you received. You felt like you weren't worthy. Ella, the Unworthy. You had always been ignored and it caused you to believe that love wasn't something you were good enough for. And you weren't sure you would ever believe that you were.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Fifteen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen

Warnings: death of a character, sadness, reader has zero self-esteem

You had planned to attend the wedding of your brother to his bride, Willa. You never missed an event for one of your siblings, especially, one as important as a wedding. You thought it would be wrong not to attend.

You had even gotten all dressed up and were in a yellow floor-length velvet gown that had long sleeves and a Queen Anne neckline. It had diamond studs on the shoulders and you wore a diamond choker around your neck. You thought you looked pretty but you weren't sure. Perhaps it was your imagination.

But right when you had been going to leave to attend said wedding, your father came to see you. He convinced you not to go. He wanted you to come with him to Sweden to see Matsson...Lukas.

"But what about Con?" you questioned sadly.

"Oh, he'll forgive you. You know Connor. He knows how important it is that this deal goes through," he gestured away with his hand before placing a hand on your shoulder with a small grin. "So what do you say, Ellie? You gonna help out your old man?"

"I...." you hesitated before faking a smile. "Of course, Daddy."

You couldn't help but say yes to your father; it felt like he saw you (but he was always an expert at making you feel that way when he needed you). So here you were in the limo sitting across from your father and Kerry. And you were still in your gown for the wedding. Your father said it'd be better if you wore it so you did.

You felt nervous. You were going to see Lukas while on a little mission with your father. You weren't sure how you were going to keep your cool when you saw him. You felt like you might break down and hug him to death right in front of your dad. You swallowed at the thought.

You pulled at the choker you wore and your father questioned, "You're not getting cold feet, are you?"

"No," you stated and quickly placed your hands in your lap, focusing on keeping them still.

"Good," he smiled. "You'll do great, Ellie."

You merely nodded. You wondered why he wanted you to come along. But then you supposed it was clear: because you were close with Lukas. Yet he had no idea just how close you were with Lukas.

You took a deep breath as the limo arrived at the airport. Your father and Kerry got out first and then you did. Tom blinked in surprise as he noticed you before he held out his hand, "Here, let me help you."

You grabbed it and stepped out of the limo. You fixed your dress as you smiled politely, "Thank you."

Then you followed after your father along with everyone else. You were given strange looks by everyone, staring at your gown. You smiled tightly at everyone regardless and even hugged Frank because you hadn't seen him in a while before sitting down on the couch against the side of the jet.

And once the plane took off, everything went to Hell.

_____

You were staring at the floor. Your knees were pressed to your chest and you were staring at the floor inside the jet. You had dissociated from all the sounds and the chaos...and the death.

"Yes, your sister is here," Tom spoke on the phone to your siblings.

They wanted to speak to you. They wanted to hear it from your own lips. They trusted you. They wanted you to explain it.

"Your sister isn't available to speak currently. She isn't...well at the moment," Tom stated.

"What do you mean she's not well? We're all not well. Just put her on, Tom," Shiv demanded.

Tom hesitated before he approached you and crouched down, handing the phone out, "Ella, would you like to speak to your siblings?"

Your eyes glanced at him before going back to the ground. You shook your head. He placed the phone back on his ear, "She doesn't want to speak, Shiv."

One by one, the siblings said goodbye to their father as Tom held the phone near Logan. But not you. Once he was off the phone, Tom approached you again.

"Ella," he crouched down. "Do you want to say anything to him? I can say it for you if you would like."

You shook your head as you muttered, "He knows."

Then you glanced from the floor to the body of your father. They were still doing CPR and he was just...lying there. There was no response.

You started to cry finally as you panicked, "Did I hug him today? Did you see me hug him? I don't think I hugged him..."

You were sucking in breaths as you sobbed violently. You started to hiccup as you did so. The chaos finally caved in on you. Your father was gone. He was not coming back.

Tom reached up and rubbed your arms as he lied to you to give you comfort, "You did hug him, Ella. I saw it. Everyone saw it."

"You hugged him, kid," Frank chimed in with sorrowful eyes towards you. You had always been his favorite; you were the sweetest.

You had started to calm at their words. You still hiccuped, though. You sniffled as Tom asked, "Do you want to come to the back? Then you don't have to watch anymore."

You shook your head. You didn't want to be alone. You knew from experience that being alone was the worst Hell in the world; even worse than death itself. Because being alone you drowned in your own horrid thoughts but at least death saved everyone from that. There were no more thoughts in death and you realized you'd never really know if your father loved you.

You thought he did. You supposed it was enough that you loved him. You supposed you'd have to make do with that. You knew that you gave him all the love you could, all the love a daughter could give and you were at peace with that.

You thought that his death would've torn you apart. And it did in a way. It hurt and you felt an ache in your chest but your world did not turn upside down. You did not want to die like you expected to. Because you were no longer made complete by how he thought of you. That had changed in the past few months.

Your world spun around a different person now. Lukas. The mere thought of him made you ache less.

"Are we still going to Sweden?" you blurted out.

Tom could not help the chuckle he let out at you thinking that they'd cart your father's dead body all the way to Sweden before he replied, "No, Ella. We will not be going to Sweden."

"Oh."

"On the topic of Sweden, someone needs to tell Matsson," Carolina pointed out. "Ella, you have a working relationship with him, don't you? It'd probably be best that it comes from you."

You hesitated before you nodded. You went to the back in the private bedroom before you called him. The dialing tone felt like hours as you held the phone tightly to your ear but then he picked up.

"Hey," you could he was smiling. "I thought you were going to send me a photo of the dress you were wearing? I bet you look even prettier than the bride again."

You chuckled a bit as some fresh tears fell down your face. You were definitely not pretty now with mascara running down your face. You were a mess now.

"Lukas," you said quietly and it took you couple of moments before you revealed. "My dad died."

"He died here on the plane," you somehow felt the need to clarify. "We're still on the plane."

"Jesus. Fuck, Ella," he said in concern. "Are you fucking okay? Do you want me to fly to New York? I'll come see you..."

"It's okay, Lukas. You don't have to," you reassured.

You didn't want him to sacrifice for you. You were sure he didn't really want to. He just pitied you. That was all. Maybe he still felt some care for you as a force of habit but Lukas was starting to move on from you. You were sure of it. You wouldn't be the girl that held him back even if it'd kill you inside.

A sense of numbness settled over you again.

"But, Ella..."

"It's okay," you said again, even smiling as you spoke. Yes, everything was perfectly okay.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Fourteen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen

Warnings: Lukas being jealous and possessive

The next day was the rehearsal dinner for Connor. Of course, you went to that and on time unlike the rest of your siblings who were late. Connor hugged you when you arrived and then you also hugged Willa and smiled, "Welcome to the family."

"Oh, Ella, that's so sweet," she smiled and took a large swig of her champagne which made your eyes widen.

The rehearsal dinner took a nosedive after that. Willa had stood up before announcing loudly, "I can't do this."

Then she ran off to the bathroom. You tried to help Con by going and trying to talk to her but she had locked herself in there with her friends and didn't want to talk. She was in there for a long time and it was nearing half an hour. You decided to go get some air. When you went outside, you found Stewy leaning against a limo.

You always found the presence of Stewy to be infectious. He seemed to have this lively energy that you had never had that you made you slightly envious. Ever since Kendall introduced him to you, he'd always make you smile in some way.

"Stewy!" you grinned before running to give him a hug.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite Roy?" Stewy smiled as you hugged him.

"Liar," you blushed as you let him go.

"Really?" he raised his eyebrows with a teasing grin. "Because last I checked, you're the only Roy that gives me a hug every time you see me. Which makes you the sweetest Roy and, therefore, my favorite."

"I do that with everyone, though."

"Oh, so I'm not special?" he clutched his chest. "I'm hurt."

"Shut up," you blushed again.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're very cute when you blush?" Stewy said. "I feel like someone has had to at some point."

You were saved from answering when Kendall called out, "Stewy, what the hell? What are you doing with my sister? She has nothing to do with the board meet tomorrow."

Kendall approached the two of you along with Shiv and Roman.

"Yeah, I know," Stewy said. "So what? Is that somehow supposed to mean I can't talk to her?"

Kendall rolled his eyes, "I guess...I guess that's fine."

You shook your head at your protective brother before addressing the three of them, "You're late. You should get in there."

"Yeah. Yeah. We should. Just, uh, in a minute," Kendall said.

"Yeah. Tell Con we didn't want to be late. Dad made us late," Roman stated.

You sighed as you realized they were going to talk business with Stewy. You looked back at Stewy and gave him a small smile, "Bye, Stewy."

"Ella," he smiled and kissed your cheek politely.

You walked away from them. You were intending to go back inside but then you got a text. It was from Lukas. He sent you a picture of you just hugging Stewy. Your eyes widened at the fact that he even had this. Was he monitoring you?

Then he called you. You walked off a bit down the sidewalk before answering it. He didn't let you say a greeting before he was speaking.

"Who is this guy you're hugging? Why are you hugging him? Are you fucking seeing him?"

"Lukas, how did you even get a photo of me? Are you spying on me?" you asked.

"That's...that's not important. Just answer the question."

"I can hug other people, Lukas."

"Well, I don't go around hugging fucking randos so you...you shouldn't, either," he argued with frustration in his voice.

"I can't believe you," tears stung your eyes. "You barely talk to me and now you want to be mad that I'm hugging someone else. You know I like to hug people and I can hug whoever I wish."

"It's not about you hugging people. It's about you hugging someone when I'm not there."

"You're never here," you blurted out and you covered your mouth a bit in shock that you'd been that bold. But then you let your hand drop. "I...I don't want to speak to you right now. You invaded my privacy, Lukas. That's not okay."

"Ella..."

But you hung up. And he kept calling you repeatedly but you didn't pick up and you put your phone on silent.

____

After the disaster that was tonight, you were back home. You and the rest of your siblings had taken Connor to a more regular bar and then to karaoke. Then your father made an appearance and tried to convince the Three Musketeers to not vote no at the board meeting tomorrow but he failed. But then Logan bit back with words that you could tell hit a nerve with them.

"I love you but you're not serious people."

You only thought of the I love you part. That was what you held onto. And you thought of when you heard those three words from Lukas.

Lukas had stopped calling you. But you could not sleep. You kept thinking of how he had surveillance on you. He was keeping tabs on you. He cared about you. It was three in the morning but you called him on FaceTime.

"Hey," he said softly as he answered immediately.

You could tell he was lying in bed as he was propped up against his headboard. He had headphones on which meant he had been on his phone and wasn't sleeping.

"You're haven't slept?" you worried a bit and chewed on your lip.

"You know I don't get any sleep without you next to me."

You smiled a little at that before you sighed, "Lukas, why are you having someone spy on me?"

"You're...You're in New York," he explained. "You're far away and I can't be with you as much as I want to. And I...I was worried about you. I thought you might...you know."

"Oh," you realized. He thought you might commit suicide.

"I didn't intend to use it to see if you were with other guys or anything. But then I got the photo and I...I jumped to conclusions. I was mad," he flexed his hand. "I can't fucking help it. You're you and you could have any guy you wanted."

"But I was mad when I shouldn't have been. That wasn't cool. And I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I'm sorry."

It was silent for a moment before you responded quietly, "I forgive you."

"Yeah?" he ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

"Yes, Lukas," you reassured before saying anxiously. "And if...if you want to keep...keeping an eye on me, that's fine, too."

"You don't have to worry about that but I get why you're doing it," you stated, addressing suicide.

"Okay," he nodded, staring intensely at you through the phone. "Ella, when you said that I'm never there..."

"I don't want to talk about that," you immediately interrupted as your chest heaved. "I know...I know that you'd be here if you could."

"Do you?"

"Yes." No.

Lukas had always made time for you no matter what. But after the baby died, something had changed. It was like you weren't important anymore. But you didn't want to hear him say it.

He analyzed you and he seemed to accept your answer before he sighed, "I should let you sleep."

"What about you?"

"Don't worry about me."

You blinked. He didn't want you to worry about him. He was going to find someone else to worry about him. You swallowed, "Alright."

He smiled slightly before he uttered in a soft tone, "Dream sweet dreams for me."

You nodded and you couldn't help but utter out a phrase as you ended the call. It was a force of habit.

"I love you."

Those words seemed to echo in your head as you tried to go to sleep. But since you didn't hear them from him, they continued to echo in the emptiness of your mind, telling you that you would only ever hear him say it in the echoes of your memory. You wondered if that what was what you were doomed to become to him: nothing but a memory, an echo, a footnote. Nothing but the paint that they washed away.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Thirteen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen

Warnings: spiraling reader

AN: season 4 is finally starting up in this chapter so buckle up

A month passed since the car crash that killed your baby. The sutures on the side of your head had long healed but the sadness that settled into your bones did not. You had gotten bad again.

Lukas did not come to visit you the next day like he said. He couldn't because you went back to New York with your family. Your father didn't have you do any work. So you were in your apartment, alone.

You mostly wasted away and sat staring out the glass windows of the high-rise you were in. You felt incredibly numb with sadness and it overwhelmed you some days that you would just start sobbing out of the blue. You had to have your doctor increase your meds.

Lukas only came to visit you twice in one month for a single day each time. The first was only a day after you got into New York. He showed up at your door and you hugged the life out of him.

"I'm here. I'm here," he mumbled into your hair.

You didn't stop hugging him for the whole day; you laid in bed with him and he just held you. When he had to leave, you felt panicked. You did not want him to go. The thought of it was unbearable.

So you attached yourself to him and kissed him hard on the lips. You hoped he would stay if you kissed him. But he pulled away from you.

"Ella, I have to go."

You stared at him, a bit hurt. He wrapped his arms around you, hugging you again, before kissing the side of your head. Then he let go and he left, promising that he would back soon.

He was not back soon. He came back two weeks later to see you. Again, it was only for a day. You watched a movie with him.

You kept staring at him like he was the thing that made your whole world spin. He was. And you kissed him again. Kissing him was the only thing that didn't make you feel like you were drowning in sadness. It made you feel light and carefree.

You kissed him hard again with desperation. You were practically offering yourself to him on a silver platter as you pressed your body against his. He gave in for a moment as he made out with you on the couch.

But then he quickly pulled away from you, breathing heavily. He was silent for a moment before he looked at you. He gave you a small reassuring grin and patted your knee, "We should watch the movie."

You blinked and he readjusted himself on the couch, leaving a space between the two of you. You did not understand. Did he not want to kiss you anymore? Did he not want you anymore?

His hand laid in the space between their thighs. You placed your palm over his ever so gently as you were afraid he was going to retract his hand if you did it any differently. And once you did so, he entwined his hand with yours. That calmed the panic in your heart.

For a moment.

When he went to leave after that visit, he did not kiss you goodbye. You wondered what you had done wrong to make him not want to kiss you. But then you realized what was happening: he was growing bored of you.

You were absolutely sure of it. All of the signs were there. He was starting to ignore you. Eventually, he'd ignore you completely just like everyone else. You bet that he didn't even love you anymore.

He probably just felt bad because you lost their baby and he was just coming to see you out of pity. Yes, that was it. You wondered if he even ever wanted a baby with you. Probably not. Who would ever want a baby with you? You weren't mother material. Lukas probably wanted someone better to carry his child if he ever wanted one again.

Your mind was on the death spiral ever since that last visit. You were paranoid. You could barely sleep. You'd wake up with an ache in your chest and you would cry yourself back to sleep. You started to scratch at the scar on your arm. You started to feel that feeling again. You were just waiting for Lukas to ignore you completely...and then it wouldn't matter what you promised. All these feelings could go away.

But Lukas still called you and texted you. It was much less than he used to but he did. You were afraid to ask him and have it be true: he no longer wanted you. So you'd exist in this bubble where you pretended that everything was fine. It was easier this way.

____

It was finally the birthday of your father. Of course, you went. You wore a pink short halter dress and a black and white tweed jacket. You had taken off your jacket when you arrived but then Kerry came over to you.

"Your father asks that you put the jacket back on."

You faked a smile as you blinked back tears, "Of course."

You realized why your father wanted you to have your jacket on. To hide the long, deep scar on your arm that was seen as shameful. To prevent people from asking questions about why you had it. To prevent embarrassment of him as your father. Logan could not be seen as a failure.

It made you think of Lukas. He would never ask you to hide it. He even sometimes ran his fingers over it affectionately. You missed him.

You felt that ache in your chest the whole party. That longing for him. You wished your father happy birthday and then you stood like a wallflower just thinking of Lukas.

Connor did approach you and wrapped an arm around you with a smile, "Hey, sport."

"Hey, Con."

He rubbed your arm, "You feeling okay? You look a little sad."

"I'm okay. Are you?"

"Well, I'm getting married so fantastic, Ellie. Fantastic."

You formed a small smile, "I'm happy for you, Con."

"I can't wait to see your wedding. You always loved weddings, didn't you?" Connor said advised. "You know if the guy you end up with, or girl, doesn't give you the biggest wedding possible, don't marry them."

"I don't think anyone will want to marry me, Con."

"Are you kidding? You're pretty and smart and so sweet. Any bloke would be lucky to have you. If they don't think so, you send them to me."

"Okay," you chuckled before you hugged him tightly with a grateful smile. "I love you, Con."

"Oh," he said in surprise. "Well, I love you, too, Ellie."

He kissed the top of your head affectionately and you let him go. He eventually left you and you stayed there, the wallflower. You were the only one wearing a jacket.

When your father started to make a power play for Pierce, you left and you practically threw the jacket off in the car. You felt tears of frustration and Henry, your driver, called in concern, "Miss?"

"I'm fine. Just please take me home," you commanded.

Your father was ashamed of you. Your siblings (besides Con) didn't talk to you unless you were in mortal danger. And the only person that could make you feel better was halfway across the world and you had no idea if you were even dating him anymore.

You thought being home would be better for you. You thought finally that perhaps your siblings would start to connect with you. But in the city of dreams, you found that's all you had: dreams. You were left to rot in an expensive high-rise by everyone that mattered to you while none of them came true.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Twelve

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve

Warnings: miscarriage, brief mention of depressive/suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem issues

The brunt of the damage was on your side of the car. Lukas came to almost immediately. He had a piece of glass lodged in his shoulder but he didn't care about that. He saw you passed out against the seat almost like you were sleeping but there was so much blood that covered the side of your face.

Fear struck him in the chest so hard as he was acutely reminded of how he found his father, dead in the car with his brains splattered on the ceiling. He immediately moved and grabbed you, cradling your face so gently as he called frantically.

"Ella. Ella. Hjärtat. Open your eyes. Open your eyes for me," he said as he started to panic. He started to cry and he mumbled in Swedish. "Lämne mig inte."

Don't leave me.

______

When you woke, your head hurt fiercely. You started to blink your eyes open. You felt someone rubbing the back of your palm with their thumb back and forth ever so slowly.

You found that it was Lukas as your eyes took in their surroundings which resembled a hospital room. It made you smile a bit as you began to wake; made you feel warm.

"Hi," you muttered softly, content as you gazed at him.

His eyes immediately snapped to yours as he froze, "Ella."

When you were brought in last night, they had assured him you'd be fine. You had head trauma but they said you'd be okay. But it felt scary waiting for you to wake up even if it was just a couple of hours.

"What happened?" you asked.

"It was a car accident."

It had been a drunk driver. Lukas was so livid at the thought that you could've been taken from him. He only had a flesh wound and you had head trauma. He didn't want you to ever know pain but here they were. He planned to sue the driver into oblivion or something; maybe make sure they never drove again. He had his lawyers handling it.

You formed a small smile, "It seems like we're fine, though."

You placed your hand over your stomach and he felt dread as he had to force the words out of his mouth, "Ella...You lost the baby."

"Oh," your free hand retreated from your stomach.

You were silent for a moment and you felt Lukas kiss the fingertips of your hand that he held. He kept rubbing his thumb back and forth over the back of your palm.

"I suppose it's a good thing," you sniffled and blinked your tears away. "It's not like I'd be a great mother anyways."

Lukas couldn't believe the words that came out of your mouth before he argued softly, "Ella, that's...that's ridiculous. You'd be an amazing mother...."

You cut him off, not wanting to talk about it, as you inspected him, "You are okay, right?"

You saw a bandage sticking out from his shirt on his shoulder. You reached for it, removing your hand from his as you did so. You ran your fingers lightly over the edge.

"It's just a flesh wound. It's fine."

You hummed, seemingly content, before a nurse came in. And then a whole bunch of doctors came in to check you over for a long while.

_____

"Your, um, family knows," Lukas informed once the doctors left you alone. "They're flying in."

"Oh."

That seemed to be the only word you'd been able to say. And you kept staring off all detached. He kept having to get your attention.

"You should go then," you blurted out. "They'll have questions if you're here and I don't feel like answering them. My head hurts."

It'd be like World War III if your family found out about you and Lukas. You didn't have the energy to deal with it.

"Are you sure? Ella, I can stay," he stated. "Let me stay."

"I'm sure," you stated, staring forward and not at him.

He stood up and leaned over the bed, kissing your cheek for a long moment ever so delicately before he uttered, "I'll see you soon, alright? Tomorrow, okay?"

You barely nodded and he hesitated before he left. You kept staring at the wall not even registering that he was gone or that he'd said goodbye to you and you called out suddenly, thinking he was just about to leave, "Lukas."

You turned your head to the chair that he had been in to find him gone. A tear fell down your cheek before you wiped it away. You felt like your chest was about to cave in and you pulled your legs to your chest as you took deep breaths.

You focused on blowing out the bad thoughts. The bad thoughts. By the time you were done, you'd made yourself numb again.

_____

Your family finally got there. Your siblings got there first. They all hugged you. Well, Roman did like a half hug. He seemed to not like hugs. You didn't get it.

"How are you doing? Feeling a bit better?" Connor asked.

"I'm fine."

"You had us really worried, Ellie," Shiv frowned.

"Yeah. We were all really worried, El," Kendall said.

"Shivvie was definitely freaking out. Shed a few tears on the plane," Roman teased.

"Shut up, Rome."

That made you smile a bit. But then Shiv frowned as she noticed the scar on your arm. She grabbed it and asked, "What is this? This doesn't look like it's from the accident?"

You jerked your arm away. You barely ever thought about your scar now as Lukas made you feel accepted. You realized that your siblings had never seen it.

"Fishing trip with Uncle Ewan," you lied.

"Right," Kendall said skeptically. "A fishing trip."

Shiv and Kendall exchanged looks. Roman just stared at the scar with a little frown. Connor was the one who spoke with a reassuring smile, "You know we're always here for you, Ellie."

He patted your shoulder, "Whenever you need us."

You just nodded.

____

Your father showed up after them. There seemed to be a cold standoff between three of your siblings and him but they seemed to call a truce with their eyes today. They all left you alone to talk to Logan.

"Hi, Daddy," you smiled a bit.

"Ellie," he hugged you.

You were a bit surprised. But then he let you go and sat down. He looked at you with soft eyes, "How are you doing, kiddo?"

"I'm okay."

He hummed like he didn't believe you as he analyzed you with his cold blue eyes. You thought sometimes he could see right through you. You weren't sure.

"The hospital. I didn't like it when I was in it," he commented. "The doctors want to keep you overnight but how about tomorrow we get you back to New York?"

"You want me to come home? But what about work in London?"

"I should have never have put you there. You should be home where you belong," Logan said. "How does that sound?"

"I'd...I'd like to go home." You'd like to see Lukas. You clenched your jaw to keep from crying. People lost babies all the time. It was nothing to cry about; Lukas wouldn't want you if you cried. You were sure of it.

"Good, good," Logan smiled.

"Heard it was a drunk driver," he said before he patted your hand. "He'll be dealt with."

You could only nod and try not to fall apart as you did so.