#and i'm not even completely done yet
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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Okay media consumers, I'm gonna ask you to follow some lines of logic with me.
For good stories to exist, there needs to be conflict.
For conflict to happen, one or more characters will almost always need to make bad choices.
Just because a character makes one or a few bad choices does not automatically earn them the label of "toxic".
Just because said character does not experience immediate consequences due to their bad choices does not mean that they never will (especially if their story is not yet finished), nor does it mean that their creator is romanticizing or portraying their bad choices in a good light.
I mean, come on. You guys love a good slow burn romance. The least you can do is get used to the idea of slow burn conflict.
Edit:
DO NOT INTERPRET THIS POST AS ME SAYING THAT YOU SHOULDN'T DISAGREE WITH ANY CHARACTER'S ACTIONS EVER. DO NOT DO THAT.
I can tell some of you are already thinking about doing that.
Don't.
Please.
I don't have the energy for that.
#this post was inspired by#my adventures with superman#maws#i'm literally begging you guys to have a smidgen of patience#i'm sorry if i sound combative but holy hell#the story is not even close to done yet#suspend your disbelief and withhold your judgement for ONE SECOND#it's genuinely so important to learn to extend grace to people who aren't even real#as part of the practice of engaging with stories#because if you shut down at the slightest hint of conflict you have completely lost the ability to see yourself in it#yourself and others#engaging your sense of empathy is a huge part of media comprehension#please for the love of storytelling put down your knee-jerk labels and give yourself grace#anyways thank you for coming to my ted talk#this post does not just apply to the maws fandom by the way
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I blacked out and more Logince HS AU appeared on my canvas idk what happened (also ty @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat for some inspiration sorry it took so long to make a post about Them <3)
#spoondoodles#sanders sides#sanders sides fanart#ts sides#tss#logan sanders#roman sanders#patton sanders#remus sanders#janus sanders#logince#I am here!!! for the platonic relationships!!!!! in this AU!!!!!!!#i have a strong character arc in my head about platonic logicality growing up together as childhood friends you have no idea asdfghj#i think they were very dependent on each other for many years so much so they'd copy each other but they're much more independent in HS#only remnant of that is that they have the same glasses + emotionally vent to each other a lot - their friends circle has grown enough#they don't live in each others' pockets anymore. roman + janus met in theatre + are gossip besties like they just talk shit together#(not completely sold on janus' design yet ngl i'm not happy with how i drew the vitilego but i'm working on it)#remus + logan are partners in chemistry in a classic teacher act of putting the 'disruptive' kid next to the 'good student' kid in hopes#that logan would stop remus acting out. predictably what happened instead is that they're friends now + remus is still as disruptive#but in a way that entertains logan so they get their work done early. now the teacher can't separate them. lol lmao.#remus knows ALL. but has been sworn to secrecy so can't say shit. janus knows roman's feelings but only suspects logan's.#patton didn't even have to be told by logan he just KNEW + is choosing not to speculate on roman's feelings b/c he's too polite.#virgil isn't here but that's b/c he also KNOWS without being told + is in an even more precarious position than remus. if they were#on better speaking terms he'd commiserate with remus. alas they are suffering separately.#anyway enough rambling from me. many thoughts head full.
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o yeah btw i liked these guys from the latest crk update..... detective gays.... macaroni and cheese....🤭
#i finished the story it was fun#whyd i have to get invested in the cookie npc yaoi... need them to kiss#i thought cheddars design was kinda boring (esp after the golden cheese update where every design slapped... hes also cheese...)#and he looked rly similar to almond so i think they couldve made him look more diff#but i still liked them LOL... esp macaroni cookie he's sooo cute#tsk macaroni cookie does everything... hes even an attack dog... what do u do cheddar cookie?#ur lucky to have such a cute smart and useful hoobae...😙#i saw some cute fanart of them on twit so i'm happy :)#joking i dont think cheddar is completely useless but it makes me laugh bc he has the#'my job here is done ;)' 'but u didnt do anything' *dramatic exit* vibe#at the v least he's good bc he has faith in his partner...😙#if they arent already dating theyre def gonna start dating... doesnt take a detective to figure that out...#like stop playfully bantering in front of me🙄#oh btw i liked their kr voices so much#cheddar's voice was... insanely good how could they just use this voice on an npc#like his voice makes up for any complaints i had on his design#and macaroni sounds cute... i looked it up and apparently its jeong ui-taek?? who also voiced archbishop cream and 1 of captain caviars crew#voicing a bunch of cute npcs but no playable cookie yet...#im curious how they sound in other lang tbh...
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it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.
i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.
there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.
'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.
to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.
and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.
but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.
#i try to reclaim 'feminine' words for myself in private#calling myself 'babygirl' when i need to chill out. or saying i feel pretty. or going 'she needs help' when i'm struggling lmao.#but there's still so much fucking trauma in those words from the people who've forced them on me#who've snarled in my face that GOD made me ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY and that's a WOMAN (stepdad)#who've guilted me for taking their precious perfect daughter away as if i'm fucking dead (mother)#who've mocked me and everyone like me as if we're not the experts on our own sense of self (general transphobic public)#like. i'm not a fucking man. i'm not a fucking woman. i'm nonbinary. gender is absurdity as a concept. i'm done with it.#but being called a man or a son or a guy or 'he' or WHATEVER in that vein is fine and dandy because i've never had anyone say#'that is all you can EVER be'. or worse: 'that is what GOD made you to be and you have a ROLE to fill'#(christianity pls die approximately yesterday thanku 💖)#so yeah. idk. ranting yet again about Cis Audacity.#the complete lack of empathy. the lack of curiosity even.#the condescending bullshit. the 'i understand you better than you do'. the fucking AUDACITY.#i am the expert on myself. i am the ONLY expert on myself. period. no contest. not a debate.#i understand myself better than anyone else is CAPABLE of understanding me.#i could call myself 'she' and understand that i meant it in a nonbinary way.#in fact i could even see myself letting other trans people call me feminine terms at some point in the future. when i've healed more.#but cis people? probably not. they can call me 'he' or 'they' or they can fuck off & never get to know me because they don't wanna know ME#/end rant#any terfs/bigots that try to touch this post will be swiftly blocked and quite possibly cursed. have the day you deserve <3
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Time Loops are they/them culture (Patreon)
Bonus of my little guy in ISaT style:
#Doodles#Pixel art#ISaT#Siffrin#Loop#And then I still don't have even a code name for smol and my time loop concept lol#I'm sure you can imagine my excitement upon seeing a time loop RPG <3#Not to be silly but the thought of either of us picking up the wavelength and running with it is fun to me haha ♪#I...may or may not have developed brainworms about it it's fine lol#Good characters! Good story! I'm always a sucker for a tragedy with bright spots <3 It's hard to even call the ending bittersweet tho hehe#It's very sweet! Like sugar :) Hehe#Shock of shocks I - person who has done this how many times now - liked the dynamic between Sif and Loop best haha#Is it spoilers if it requires past knowledge of my faves hmmm inconclusive lol#These were just introduction doodles - not even Getting Used To doodles yet a step before that!#Fun designs :D I like Sif's hair a lot <3 The way it's two-tone because he likes black! Adorable! And cowlicks hehehe#And eyepatch hehehe Sif's design is so fun ♪#What no my time loop shop keep lad having a hat like that has no bearing! I'm completely unbiased! Lol#For the pixel art I did directly just use Siffrin's hat in shape haha I just added the belt and buckle ouò#Man it's been too long since I've played with pixel art it's still so fun <3#Someday I'll get Aseprite. Someday#In the meanwhile it was fun to make their colour palette :D#I love that ISaT is in black and white canonically as well I think it's really cool ♪#Me when monochrome red 💕💖😭🤌💗#It is simply The Best colour palette out there I'm sorry others need not apply#Again my pencils and blood pen surely give away none of my biases because I don't have any lol#Hrmng I want SASASAP too pixel art cool - the glow up in ISaT is only strengthened by looking at the original closely!#Ah well I'll just admire at a distance until then <3
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Btw being thankful for everything Hendo has done for the club and appreciating his role in the team (that all players and coaches have pointed out repeatedly) yet being disappointed by this transfer and everything it represents are two things that can co-exist.
#man I'm just so tired#same for Stevie btw#I mean the transfer isn't completed yet but even if it falls trough now the damage is done anyway#Jordan Henderson#LFC#23/24#football
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does anyone else have a hard time comprehending turbo and king candy as being the same person or am i just a specific kind of insane
#dontlistento me#wir#wreck it ralph#turbo wir#king candy#it's like. the line between himself and disguise is so blurred yet i have such a hard time as seeing them as the same character#it's like how you aren't the same person you were 20 yrs ago. that's someone completely different but still you#but somehow even Harder to wrap my head around#it doesnt help that bro doesnt even seem to. Care? about how he looks or Who He Is. as long as he's the best it doesn't matter who he is.#he doesnt need his original name or legacy attached. as long as it's Him it's fine.#the way he prefers the candybug form bc it's scary and has powers... knows his turbo design is ugly af in 3D... he has issues i think.#of all kinds.#ive been so low-key on here abt him but little do you all know. I'm Deranged. about this freak#speaking of i need to see more of TURBO being SILLY.#king candy is SO silly and weird and goofy. im sure a lot of that is this persona but he is inherently goofy i know this.#pre-roadblasters turbo is also silly and i need to see more of him being silly.#i think i have a hard time w seeing them as the same is bc fan content depicts turbo so differently#yes he is gross and sucks but there was some whimsy there. he was still a goof he just went nuclear#ok im done.............
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I have so many drawing ideas for Poll and Tequilla but alas. My hands don't want to work with me.
#I have some storylines planned but I am struggling so hard#I want to draw Tequilla's parents. I want to protray how all of these events are affecting Poll.#Is this how the egg admins felt#I don't just want to make a blocky post about this stuff#i want to CREATE something to protray what I need#I just struggle so much with character design 😭 TQ's momma (the goat hybrid) is the only one I have a design for#I HAVEN'T EVEN NAMED HIS PARENTS YET o(-(#I shouldn't be trusted to name OCs. Look at the names of all my little blorbos. Poll. Tequilla Ibuprofen. Stardust.#uuuuuuuugh#I know it would be easier if I had more spoons right now. I'm completely out of them. Have been for days.#I blame work#okay im complaining too much now lmao#Just know that I AM cooking lore. It just may end up having to be in writing form rather than the drawings I want to do.#(I say.. procrastinating on my fitpac fic 💀)#honestly I might write out the scene I'm imagining because i cannot fathom doing a long comic for it. I'm not strong enough kkkkkkk#okay I'm done now I think#not a poll
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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Um. Uh. Hi, Amoneki blog, pinned post let's go (very important please read !!)
This is probably the most important thing by Far: I haven't actually finished the manga yet; I recently got a :re box set but I (at the time of writing this) only just got to :re volume 10 and I don't have a lot of time on my hands to read !! (I've already gotten spoiled a lot cough while trying to look for content cough cough but I'd still like to avoid as many (mostly for major plot points/character deaths especially) as I still can)
Having said that please try to respect that as much as you can !! It's already really tough avoiding spoilers for a series like this (which is why I'm laying pretty low with this fandom, but I'll try to get through the manga when I actually have time)
I'm gonna be honest anything amoneki is pretty much fair game though the tumblr tags have already told me. A lot This mostly applies to. Everything else in the series. If that makes sense? (I hope it does at least orz)
Asks and interaction are greatly appreciated !! (Just a warning that if I get started on these two I can hardly shut up) I love rambling about my silly guys (both individually and as a ship, these two drive me absolutely insane)
If you have headcanons or thoughts you want to discuss or share, please definitely absolutely share !! I want to hear them really really badly trust me !!!! Let's spiral into insanity together :))
Okay that's all I think
Tags for future organization: amoneki doodles/amoneki ramblings / amonhaise CCG AU
Also. 1.5K word amoneki ramble because honestly it sums up a lot of my thoughts about them if you're interested, here
#pinned intro#if i'm completely honest i'm a little intimidated by the fandom#mostly because it's been around for so long and it's small and the people here have likely been here for. a While#meanwhile i'm here standing with my silly guys like “hi”#i'm not even done reading the manga yet orz and a decent amount of the discussion i've seen is at parts i haven't gotten to yet#so. i'm not really sure how this is gonna go?#this is an amoneki blog so it's gonna be focused on that obviously but. y'know-#is it a poor idea to make a blog for a series you haven't finished yet? definitely#am i also too lost in obsession about these two to care? also definitely#praying this doesn't show up in the main tags i will be so embarrassed and die :pray:#there's a lot of amoneki content from like 2015 and beyond-ish so i may fill a queue with a lot of that#we'll see though#i'm really nervous but. i also need to gather the amoneki nation !! whoever is left in it at least :pray:#thank you to the people who encouraged me on one of my other blogs you were all so nice and it really motivated me :)))
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among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically
& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.
obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?
anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"
#another random night another Verbal Effusion of [forehead to hand]#winston billions#who needs actual questions about power or the consequences of getting to consider others Lessers & acting accordingly#when we can last minute be like uh wendy is god actually. take it away wendy (wait she just does whole other shit half the season)#okay Now take it away wendy i guess b/c the series is dead set on you being the Moral Center#if mostly b/c gosh everyone either loves owning you as pseudo wife or correctly recognizes & defers to your superiority#the scene i couldn't bear to sit through at the start of s7 way too long sequence of wendy Going To Work to the ''cuz im awesome'' song#i was like. lol. i was like okay that is wendy's mood / perspective then. Wrong. it was billions conveying Fact to the audience. rip#abt as great setup for ''the only other shoe that finally dropped was that of Yeah It's This Completely Surface Level'' as possible (:#prince has exactly the same attitudes & actions as wendy does? uh well you see. it's just bad when he does it#if only more wendys were in charge. if only we go ''well even if it's bad if wendy does it? or axe or whoever? Could Be Worse''#nothing to analyze in the [but at least it's not worse] dead end re: justification of Power Leveraging & minimization of its consequences#tl;dr just the victim blaming embraced everywhere & the idea that everything that Deviates from the Norm Too Ethically Mindedly#is just that veneer slapped on overtop of [haha but truly: the norm] like no but seriously we all know It's Not That Deep(tm)#even for the characters written to exercise this [my Extra Mile Ethics] trait regularly it's expressed as this Polite Addendum#to the [what's Really at play] normal. the And Enbies tacked on; that's that on that & it Is an extra veneer to the norm#prince asking if taylor's changing up their pronouns; no more Meant a red flag than him immediately shitting on winston i'm sure#yet yknow why tf suppose taylor more than anyone else would Change Pronouns. taylor who the series also only ever shows as being#misgendered As A Woman. whose drag / cisguise As A Woman is not treated in the same way a man's would be / is#whose emotive / expressive affect isn't either. billions like [the genders are m/f] to [perhaps also amab/afab] Tacked On#as something politely Extra you do to their face that doesn't actually change (threaten) your idea of what's just Normal & True#like it's normal & true that ugh god don't you hate the autistic people around you? don't you wish you could go sicko mode on them#so that they couldn't be around you anymore & they'd have brought it upon themself & really it was good of you b/c The Group Cohesion#thanks you & b/c you just gave them free ABA? yes yep Surely Unquestionably#problem isn't abuse & concomitant violation in & of itself. it's Bad to be someone that's done to. we will announce Exceptions#rest of you either you brought it upon yourself or you failed to Correct that you're not someone who inherently deserves it#that is: someone who just can & will Stop It if done to them. well so you see winston pushing back is ignored or treated to further#backlash & then he withdraws (expression of his experience / creation of a consequence which tells the other Stop Doing This)#&/or otherwise conveys displeasure / being hurt (same as before. ''uh well push back / express xyz'' ppl did & were steamrolled/ignored)
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Sorry for forgetting I was running a tournament. Congratulations Nightblood, winner of the sword showdown rematch! I'll queue up the poll for Holy Moonlight Sword vs. Nightblood and it'll go out at the usual time on January 9th
#sword showdown#the bladesmith speaks#my school quarter started and i just completely forgot i had internet responsibilities#i'll make this poll and then we'll be done. until like summer when i revive it again#i'm not even that busy with school yet it just started it's just that school is an extra thing taking up space in my brain so#this got shoved out. good thing im at the end and don't really have anything left to do
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One better (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#Blood#I knew going into this and it was still so distressing :'0#Who needs plot twists when you can create such an intense sense of Dread#Probably doesn't help that I read this At Night In the Dark lol - actual shivers#Gods this was a hard scene to read - there have been several instances of my face hurting from furrowing my brow so hard haha#The way that ''Doctor'' is written is So skillful - I'm so impressed by everyone's prose and quirks and syntax!#Not to mention when he breaks character in a later scene to apologize for taking a bit to move the scene along haha <3 Play!!#It really does speak to just how much skill and effort is put into everything <3 It's so well done all the way around!!#Anyway to the actual scene at hand lol ow :') Drawing blood is always fun but I wish it wasn't his ;u;#Ugh the way he takes the surgeries is so well written - fear of course but a kind of stoic suffering as much as he's able to -#Until it comes to his eye#Ugh the /break/ of it all he goes from so eloquent - almost snarky and silly! Still trying to find an out make peace do /something/#It all goes completely out the window he's so /reduced/ and nothing hurts worse than that ughughugh#For all his intelligence and wit and prior successes and charm and just - everything that makes him /him/ to be dissolved into abject fear#It's so sad ;; And so well done <3#And he still holds enough of himself to know what he'd be losing wegh it's so sad!! He's so defined by his vision as most VUX are it's fjdsl#Zelnick is already gone by this point but I wanted to throw him in for extra sad flavour :')#Plus - I've mentioned his post-Op was one of the ones from the gallery that Actively kills me every time I look at it#Can you imagine my heartbreak to find out that he didn't have his Captain to comfort him after this in actuality? That he was fully alone?#''Are we home? Is it over?'' ''N...not yet'' - The Absolute Devastation of realizing that Never Was not really#Just tear my heart out why don't you ugh I'm fully bleeding out 💔#That last one is actually meant to be Max but it's open to interpretation :)#I think it's such a waste that his eye was just disposed of! Someone else could've used that (lol)#I do think there's something to the idea of seeing what used to be a part of your body elsewhere - like the Leftovers!#Even just keeping as a memento tho - a trophy - insult to injury but literally#Just points to no one being special and nothing being sacred I suppose
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I'm not gonna really talk about the movie outside of those posts I reblogged and "why the fuck is Gerald alive." I was excited for the movie before but the more I hear about it the more disappointing it sounds and the more I don't care about seeing it
#cookie.txt#the only thing i'm curious about is how they're gonna characterize shadow and if maria is gonna die onscreen#but honestly i think the keanu reeves casting is telling enough about how shadow's gonna be written because keanu is often typecasted#and considering gerald is alive i feel like maria's story isn't gonna be done much justice#idk. i just don't care. i have no feelings for this movie#shadow doing the akira bike slide is cool i guess#even if you ignore paramount's zionism - WHICH YOU SHOULDN'T. YOU SHOULD NOT IGNORE IT.#it looks like they're gonna completely butcher SA2's story#and i knew it was never gonna be a 1-to-1 adaptation - i was fine with that and knew not to get my hopes high#i was hoping the main story beats would be close enough#not ''oh eggman and his grandpa that's supposed to be dead are teaming up''#''none of the important female characters from the original story are here besides the dead girl''#''and also we're gonna lean into the copaganda fully now by having sonic join the government''#i haven't even watched the trailer yet. i kinda don't want to i feel like i've heard enough to see where this movie's gonna go
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every time i'm looking to buy something cheap at the market board i ask myself "what's the most casual server in NA" because more casuals = more crafters = cheaper crafted & crafter related stuff (potentially)
#the casual servers are Faerie Balmung and Mateus btw#has to be a high population server too which completely rules out dynamis#Melding on crafter is literally a fate worse than death#Just watched almost 2m gil evaporate and I'm not even done yet#td plays ffxiv
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