#and i'm just terrified
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got way more drunk than i meant to 😐 how is it possible to be 24 and still not know my limits
#iy just changes so much depending on how much you ate or slept the night before#and i've been too chicken shit to tell my friends i want to get sober#i'm just so scared#i don't want them to treat me different or stop inviting me to things#i can handle alcohol being around me i just dont want to drink it anymore#but im scared because my best friend in the whole world is also going through the same thign#*thing#but i don't think she's at the same place as i am#and i'm so scared she'll choose alcohol over me. because i fucking get it. i really do#and i'm just terrified#sorry i'm ranting#god i don't even have fun getting drunk anymore i just get so fucking sad#i wish i could be normal i wish my best friend could be normal i wish we could all drink on special occasions and not a day more#i wish so badly that we didn't have to worry about our drinking being a problem#i just wish we could have fun and not think about anything else#SORRY i'm still ranting
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queen of diamonds, upright + reversed 💎
I've redone this like eighty times, I have to just be done with it now and stop staring at all my mistakes oh no 🫠
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#coming in well after the fact but that's what happens when the art doesn't cooperate#and i just HAD to draw something for vil's ob (re-ob?) because i loved it so much#legit put my hand over my mouth and went “oh!” when i realized what was happening#i thought it was just going to be an idia thing because. y'know. closing out his character arc from episode 6 and all#so this was like. oh! oh we're going to get ALL the inky boys!!!!!#i wonder if this is why we got a malleus flashback so early...#not to mention everyone's dreams?!#i am braced for 90% of the dreams to be kind of jokey/inconsequential because we have SO many characters to get through#and most of the time will probably be spent on our lads (literally) dropkicking their emotional problems#but i am excited to see everyone regardless!#and also kind of terrified! what on EARTH will floyd be dreaming about. do i want to know.#i do but do i want to.#man. they're probably not going to get back to it but i do wonder what silver's dream was#what was he doing when he was like 'wait a minute' and noped right out of there#lilia: here silver i made dinner :)#silver: oh boy this looks great! ...YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD#ouuuagh i'm still deep in the blotsauce guys and i'm loving it#come make snowangels in the ink with me it's great
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Before my beloved and I moved in together they were living with roommates in a place that didn't have a bathtub. Now, a reasonable person might conclude from this that baths would be out of the equation in a home with only one standing shower and no tub.
But these people weren't quitters. Naturopathic doctors and acupuncturists they were dedicated to treating their bodies well and one of the ways they liked to do that was hydrotherapy. Most people are familiar with this through things like polar bear plunges. You sit in a hot tub then jump in freezing water.
It's supposedly good for you and they were way into it. But again, no tub. They'd do hydro showers but it just wasn't the same. These people were not quitters, though. (One of them is the boob soap person, so it really isn't a surprise that she goes hard on everything). So they got what looked like two big metal old timey tubs but which were actually animal food troughs and set them up in the garage. They set up a water heater and god knows how they emptied the tub after, I think there was hoses involved? A pump maybe? I honestly can't remember. Anyway! Voila, hydrotherapy on demand.
I was not aware of this. So when I came over after a long day and my beloved said we should take a bath I was extremely puzzled. I only knew about the one shower. They showed me the garage tubs. I did want a bath and I wasn't really sure about the setup, but honestly I'll try anything once if only for the story, so I agreed.
Fun fact about me though. I haaaate being cold. I've been 0% body fat most of my life with skin barely keeping my bones enclosed. I'm always cold. My favorite activity at the time was sitting directly in front of space heaters. My shower temperatures turn me lobster red and make my beloved cringe. Willingly dunking myself into cold water is the antipathy of my entire deal.
On the night in question I happily submerged into the warm tank, pleasantly surprised by the big silly improvised tub. Which again was meant for livestock. My knees bumped companionably against my beloved as we soaked in the hot water. After a while they rose to go into the cold water. "You don't have to," they told me.
But I was haunted. I wouldn't be doing hydro if I just stayed in the warm tub. Maybe hydro was amazing. It has all these health benefits. I desperately didn't want to but I stood up with them. We were having this nice intimate evening in the garage, just us, I felt safe. I was gonna do it.
They stepped easily into the cold tub, dunking matter of factly into the frigid water. I went to step. I did. I really really tried. My foot went in and I started shrieking, my progress arrested by the total state of shock I entered when my warm toasty foot hit that smug arctic water tension. My beloved started laughing as my pitch ascended the deeper my foot went into the cold water.
I started loudly narrating my discomfort as my foot touched the bottom and I willed my other foot up to join it. "THIS IS VERY COLD," I yelled, "IT'S SO COLD I THINK I MIGHT DIE HOW ARE YOU JUST CASUALLY SITTING IN THIS FREEZING COLD WATER?! I'M DYING- I THINK I'M DYING! I'M DYING BUT WE'RE HERE, TOGETHER! I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THESE EVEN THOUGH IT'S SO COLD ALL MY MOLECULES HAVE COMPRESSED INTO A SOLID STATE!"
I ended up with both feet planted in the cold tub, water up to my shins, bellowing and panting while my beloved laughed so hard they couldn't breathe. I hunkered over the cold water, squatting like a frozen gargoyle.
My beloved was trying to psyche me up while I willed my body to obey me. In a sudden jerky drop like a puppet whose strings have been cut I plummeted my body into the cold and let out a shriek that I’m sure could have shattered glass and then leapt up out of the water at a speed relative to a rocket achieving space flight. I didn’t like it.
When we got back inside my beloved's roommates were collapsed on the ground with tears in the their eyes from how hard they'd been laughing. They and probably every neighbor down the block had heard my pterodactyl screeching and narration because the garage was not remotely soundproof.
#ramblies#ffs foibles#funny#story#writing#my beloved#fun fact I'm the same way on roller coasters#I just scream a terrified narration and my beloved thinks its the funnies thing
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Social anxiety level: Chatting with someone experiencing a schizophrenic episode and becoming increasingly self-concious of how I'm just saying "That sounds really stressful", "I've never heard of that but it sounds scary", and "You must be pretty worried about that" over and over again
#They needed someone to wait with them while their friend came to pick them up#And the whole time I was waiting for them to call bullshit#Like YOU HAVENT SAID ANYTHING MEANINGFUL YOURE SO BAD AT THIS#I'm sorry I'm making this one about me ma'am I'm just terrified that everyone I talk to is gonna give be a bad grade#I don't understand or beleive most of what you're saying but from the legit science you're quoting I can tell you've done some research#The research stuff I appreciate we can totally talk about that#Please God let me talk about Chordata or HTML instead of the thing I can't see or hear wouthout encouraging your delusion#I'd get SUCH a good grade at discussing invertebrates with you
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Kate Bishop & Yelena Belova Vampire!AU
"She looked so pretty like the Devil."
#hawkeye#black widow#kate bishop#yelena belova#kate bishop x yelena belova#yelena belova x kate bishop#bishova#hailee steinfeld#florence pugh#sinners (2025)#vampire kate bishop#***#is it really an AU if your mother was murdered by your dad and then was resurrected as a half-vampire?#vampire hunter!yelena hunting down an evil vampire katie-kate???#it's family business after all#yelena relents and learns to compromise because i guess kate's Just eating boys (and drinking but not draining girls)#the way I'm too seated for sinners is terrifying the staff at the cinema#do NOT ask me how long it took me to colour match this on a colour inaccurate screen
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merlin magic reveal fic where arthur asks “why didn’t you tell me?” and merlin says, mirthless smile and haunted eyes “all my dreams end in fire. fire and burning and dying”
#I just need a fic where merlin has an actual honest to god fear of fire#and the thought of burning in a pyre haunts him#it’s always a very passing remark in fics so I want to see how it’d be explored#and how horrified arthur would be over it#i'm talking graphic depictions of merlin burning in the middle of the square#i'm talking merlin waking up with a scream lodged in his throat because he can still smell the smoke and his own burning flesh#i'm talking merlin's biggest fear being arthur picking up a torch and lighting his pyre#looking as merlin screams and burns and screams and dies with nothing but hate in his eyes#i'm talking merlin being honestly fucking terrified of dying by fire#anyways#merlin#bbc merlin#merlin angst#arthur pendragon#merthur#merlin x arthur
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mombin pt 9!! it's been too long i'm sorry
(1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6)(7)(8)
#stobin#stranger things#mombin#steve harrington#robin buckley#this is a panic attack i could see myself having no matter how badly i wanted kids#shit's terrifying#also i need to stop trying different brushes i hate it literally every time#also i'm in the 'fic writers stop demonising nancy' club#i Eat it when relationships end badly but let it be NOBODY'S fault#like think of the WORST breakup you had as a teenager. as a former 15 year old you're just so stupid and that's ok#sometimes 'i love you but we're absolutely not supposed to keep doing this' is MORE painful than one person being a raging bitch
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Council of lovefools.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang yanli#jiang cheng#They don't have an actual sleepover in this scene but the vibes were so sleepover coded...I had to get them cozied up.#Late night talks with friends and family are some of the best conversations.#My siblings and I used to have room sleepovers with each other (Actually an excuse to stay up and talk about runescape)#Currently my flatmates and I also have really great heart to hearts late into the night.#Pondering shit like 'What defines confidence?“ and ”Why are people terrified of letting themselves fall in love?"#All that aside; There is a really great conversation between JC and WWX here. They are so close and yet so far way from each other!#Fundamentally they *agree* about many things - but JC now has to play the role of someone more 'mature'.#His temper is reigned in and he had to take a more nuanced approach. Whereas WWX can be far more reactionary.#JC has changed to become someone more mature (or at least he is trying).#Contrast this attitude with the scene *right* after where WWX literally goes baby mode with JYL. Rolling around going “I'm Fwee years old”.#When children are hurt we comfort them with hugs and warm food and a laugh. It's not enough when you're an adult. It's not simple anymore.#WWX is stuck in the past when everyone else is shifting and moving on! It's a depression allegory (and just...actual depression)#But we also get to see how some things have stayed the same. They still bicker about soup. They still tease. They are still together.#They all care for each other very much but they are struggling against trauma and are not equipped to talk about it.#You can't really blame WWX for being so protective over JYL. But JC is right: “You don't have a say in who she likes.”#It may have started as an arranged marriage but *she* is *choosing* what her heart wants. JC sees that. WWX cannot.#The final act of love is letting go after all.
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get babygirl-ified
#ffxiv#ff14#ffxiv art#urianger augurelt#my art#here's your ultra-rare lilyshear npc drawing. who knows when this will happen again LMAOOO#he's everything to me tho i'm just terrified of drawing him bc he's too pwetty.... how do i do that justice
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Ogerpon & Darkrai ko-fi doodle for CyclopeanSpook!
#artists on tumblr#pokemon#ogerpon#darkrai#gotchibam arts#ko-fi doodle#sorry if this is pretty late ;;#but I hope you still like it!! <3#I think i'm starting to have a bit of momentum w/ drawing again#I might actually be able to finish more doodles (maybe even comms?) this week#just gotta keep myself in check & avoid self-sabotaging again#I think streaming helps..... kinda?#used to be terrified at the idea of it but actually I just realized..... it's nice to have company ;w;#sorry I wasn't able to chat much! i was pretty focused on drawing#also i just found out abt the embedded twitch chat on the post..... next time i'll try chatting there too!#tysm to those who joined the stream ;w; appreciate the company!#queued
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Mobei-Jun getting abandoned in the human realm by his favourite uncle and being left alone and terrified?? baby???? gonna lie awake thinking about him and Shang Qinghua meeting as children
#svsss#shang qinghua#mobei jun#moshang#sqh#mbj#that is a DELIGHTFUL twist on their canon dynamic#where sqh is justifiably scared of mbj because he's a powerful demon who could squish him like a bug#instead here we have lil mbj who's terrified of all these humans and is alone and helpless and in danger#like he was left there to die! and his father just happened to notice he was missing after ten days!#like fortunately he wasn't hurt just dirty and scared but no wonder this guy has trust issues!#any fic recs about young mbj in the human realm - or de-age fics with him being scared around humans - i would deeply appreciate#because i want to chew on this entire concept a bit#(i'm never gonna finish this book i swear every three pages i have to stop and digest a random bit of trivia mxtx throws out and then!#doesn't! fucking! expand on!!! you can't just drop this on me and expect me to be okay with it i need to lie here and think about this!)#my art
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innocently logging in to look at the Twst schedule for May like
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#tsumsted wonderland#i-is that enough spoiler tags#anyway twst just absolutely obliterating me with the schedule again#i saw the story completion campaign ended in june and was like 'oh okay that'll be when we get the next part' NOPE HA HA#oh my god rook. oh my god savana rook is real.#w...why is this a story card. hey twst wHY IS THIS A STORY CARD --#is rook dreaming of still being a rowdy boy or#and why is he...(squints) why is he in a pomefiore bedroom#never mind i'm actually terrified of this card now#god. the STETSON. i'm crying.#he really is just applejack huh#also vil i don't know what your problem was this man's mane is LUSCIOUS#and what's this? it's twst following up that first punch with the right hook of EVEN MORE of the best and silliest event#malleus is going to be in the middle of an angsty flashback while dangling us over a pit of spikes or something#and then we're going to cut directly to him having a charming little tea party with a small plush version of himself#oh twst your sense of pacing remains exquisitely incomprehensible#(no i love this though)
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Here's the thing though. The people who say they saw Jon watching them in their dreams didn't say anything about a monster version of him with glowing eyes or many eyes or floating or whatever.
I love a good monster Jon design but just think THINK about how scary it is that he isn't. You met a fairly normal guy once and you told him the worst thing that ever happened to you. Now that man is there staring blankly while you suffer, over and over. You don't understand why it's happening. There's nothing you can do. The man is still out there, somewhere.
#Tma#The Magnus archives#jonathan sims#For real correct me if I'm wrong bc it's been a while since I relistened#But in tma they never do a monster looking Jon right?#They do hints like with the voice or the sleeping with his eyes open#But they never say that he looks different#But with the dreams specifically tho#I love the ambiguity that comes with him not looking or acting like a monster#Like if he were some terrifying thing it's like oh shit fuck I've been tricked by a demon ghost monster#But if it's just SOME GUY#Who is he?#What does he want?#Why is he doing this? Does he hate you? Is he doing it on purpose?#Why does he work in an archive#how is this happening#It's so fucked I love it
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Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.
This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.
You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.
For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.
White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.
Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.
Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.
The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.
There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.
The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"
You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.
Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.
Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.
Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.
If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.
If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.
When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".
#I'm still so young and ignorant#but I wish someone had told ME these things before I had to learn them#And now when shit goes south and everything is over and calm again the same things just roll though my head#Over and over and over#It's like everyone I meet has the same 3 problems and its ruining their lives#I just want to take everyone I meet by the shoulders and shake them#I KNOW why this is happening to you#Do you realize you can be better?#Do you realize you can do it?#Aren't you terrified of wasting your life like this?#*I* want to be happier#*I* used to be so much worse than I am#And I don't have it all figured out#But if we all decide to help ourselves then it'll be that much easier to help each other#Right?#It's so hard to lift dead weight#You need to kick against the waves with me#You need to WANT to float#Do you understand#Ugh it's 6am#This has been your overdramatic midnight ramble#Imma grill me a cheese and go back to bed#Blaurfhgh
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Wade can, in fact,
handle allat
#poolverine#deadclaws#GO WADE GO#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool and Wolverine#hugh jackman#ryan reynolds#logan howlett#wade wilson#i was always scared of how wolverine's growling and snarling made me feel#not just in this movie but the entire wolverine franchise#like#*odysseus voice* what if I'm the monster#rawr rawr rawr#imagine my motherly pride that logan met his match in an equally terrifying beast of a Deadpool#he's in safe hands. Wade can and did get him#if anyone is a furry here its Wade not Logan 🤭
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My family finally got together the fundraiser for my dad! I don't know what to write here. Every bit of help I've gotten has been amazing, if you're willing and able to donate anything I'd really appreciate it. And if you donate anything, you can send me a DM and I'll draw something for you in exchange!!
if you can't donate, please reblog or share in any way.
#donations#gofundme#boost#please donate#please reblog#also face reveal I guess haha. I'm the one in the middle my dad is the one on the left#he's really just an amazing man and I really love him so much. this whole situation has been terrifying#the queue for commissions is kind of long atm but I'll get around to all of them !!!!!
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