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⠀ ( drabble ) mines, all mines ̨ ! ୨୧ 一 黄仁俊 ՞
⸃ ⸰ ⌁ renjun is super affectionate with you , but he’s also jealous of haechan calling you pretty ヾ
boyfriend!renjun・ reader g ・ smut cw ・ unprotected sex, jealous renjun, dirty talk wc ・ 0.5k | click to library
request. dream being confused when jealous!renjun is affectionate and teases him for touchin u up when he doesnt do it with them so he fucks u for letting his friends flirt with u and stuff 😩‼️
「 ୨୧ authors note 」 i hope you like it <3 !!!
“baby.” renjun pulled you into his lap for like the fifth time that day. “baby i miss you.” you chuckled, running your fingers through his hair. “jun i’ve been here with you all day.” you smiled kissing the top of your man’s head.
“ew oh my god.” haechan said, fake gagging on your couch. “get a room, no one wants to see you two be all lovey dovey.” you rolled your eyes, renjun mumbled a bunch of insults under his breath. “you’re in my girlfriends apartment, i will touch her as much as i want, you get out.” he snapped, wrapping his arms around your waist. “jun stop.” you calmed him down.
“you know yn you have to be one of the luckiest girls in the world.” jaemin said. “really? why is that?” you questioned. “because you’re the only person in this room who’s ever had the joy of renjun affection.” you chuckled, your boyfriend on the other hand wasn’t amused. “shut up jaemin.”
“hey all im saying is you’ve never held us like that.” the boy held his hands up in defense. “because you aren’t fucking him thats why.” jeno said. “a pretty girl like yn, yeah i’d make sure to give her all my attention.” now you knew haechan didn’t mean any harm, but this seemed to piss renjun off. “hyuck, shut the fuck up.” you rubbed his shoulders to calm him down. “be calm im just saying you’re lucky to have a pretty girlfriend.” renjun knew you would never give him the time a day — but the way you smiled at the comment just made him mad.
“alright it’s time to go guys.” you could tell they were riling the boy up. “what? it’s still 15 minutes of the game left.” mark said, they all whined, complaining. “yeah, but if you guys keep going none of us will make it to the end.” they all groaned, getting up. “i know, i know.” you said guiding them to the door. “next week bring duct tape for hyucks mouth.” chenle spoke up. “next time we won’t fucking bring him.” you laughed. “is it a crime to call a pretty girl pretty?” you shook your head. “when her boyfriend is sitting right there?” jisung said. “yes.”
you closed the door on them; ready to turn to clean up their mess — instead you were met with your boyfriend. “jun?” he was standing there, and you could tell he wasn’t happy. “don’t be upset.” you tried to reason with him, but you could tell in his eyes he was already there, which made your stomach bubble with excitement. “bedroom. now.” you already knew what that meant.
“you think it’s funny?” he had your cheek pressed against your pillow. “wh-what junie?” he slapped your ass making you yelp. “don’t play fucking stupid.” he snapped. “smiling at haechan basically flirting with you, smiling like you’re so desperate to be fucked by him or something.”
“n-not true.” you stuttered out. “is it? cause you’re soaked, thinking about him fucking you?” the feeling of your boyfriend's cock teasing your hole. “no!” you said. “jun please fuck me.” you desperately pleaded with him to fill you with his cock. “please.”
you gasped feeling him enter you— making you take him fully. “shit.” he hissed, gripping your hips. “yeah , fuck he can’t fuck you like this.” he groaned , his cock dragging along your walls , bullying your gspot. “he can’t fuck you like the whore you are.” you moaned. “o-only for you.”
“fuck. that’s right, this pussy is only mine to fuck.” he groaned. “no one will ever be able to fuck you like i can.” you moaned out, his hand coming up to your hair, yanking it back. “understand me?” he gritted in your ear. “fuck jun yes!” you squealed , clenching around him. “fuck im not gonna last.”
his balls slapped against your clit , his head thrown back as he fucked into you. “fuck im gonna cum.” he moaned. “cum with me.” he demanded. “cum.” your head fell against the bed, body convulsing as you came. “shit.” he slammed into you, a song of curse words flowing from his mouth, his stomach tightening as he came. “oooh shit.” he dragged out as he painted your insides white, his body slumped over yours as you both searched for air , coming down from your blissful highs, kissing your neck down to your shoulders. “mines, mines, mines.” he repeated into your ear softly.
“you’re all mines.”
©️LUVYENI
#nct drabbles#nct hard thoughts#nct hard hours#nct smut#nct x female reader#nct x reader#nct dream x reader#nct dream smut#nct dream hard thoughts#nct dream hard hours#huang renjun smut#huang renjun x reader#renjun x reader#renjun hard thoughts#renjun hard hours#renjun smut
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How do you feel about the different styles of writing POVs?
Personally, first person is the most awkward to write and the most restrictive. It definitely has its place though, when the narrative lends itself to releasing limited info. I can’t bring myself to write in first person though, it feels so weird. I think I enjoy a level of detachment when reading and writing fiction.
I’ve seen people rag on second person but I find it the easiest to read, it seems more natural than say, first person. You’re understanding the narrator but you’re not physically in their shoes. You’re a silent observer, privy to character thoughts but also able to detach and view them as a whole. There’s a level of intimacy with the character but more detachment than first person.
Okay so google says third person can be split into two; limited and omniscient.
I find omniscient to be a funny beast, as it’s not a style that I write, often finding that if I give away what everyone was thinking, all the time, the element of mystery is lost. For me, it feels like showing everyone’s inner thoughts or motivations at the same time ruins the suspense, at least in the fiction I write. I think that’s a personal failing though because I enjoy reading fiction with omniscient POV.
Limited, I’d like to say, is more within my wheelhouse, but I have been known to switch character POV in different chapters. I wonder if by switching characters per chapter that actually means I write omniscient. Anyway.
I feel like I’m write in some weird, secondary-third person which feels very much like playing with dolls: X mutters quietly, stepping close to Y. Y responds with a remark, grasping X’s hand. X is overwhelmed, their thoughts racing. Etc.
Very reductive, but you get the point. One persons intentions are clear, the other is not.
I’m troubled as I think that my writing style comes across as unnatural, almost robotic. I find it hard to step into the mind of another person, especially if it’s a creation of not my making - how could I possibly know how this character would react in this situation? I can only guess and hope it reads as in-character. As such, I often find that I don’t spend a lot of time expanding on how characters feel and their inner thoughts on situations, which seems like a really big oversight! It’s difficult for me, though.
Do you have any tips or assurances about this kind of thing?
I apologise as well, brevity is not a strength of mine.
--
Oh god... the things I want to say, nonnie...!
I've promised myself no more really long writing meta on here. I write that stuff for my patreon, which I should be spending more time on.
The short version is: I loathe second person due to early exposure to CYOA books and just finding it clunky and mannered.
First makes it more obvious if your command of character voice is ass, but it's not actually more intimate or harder than limited third.
Limited third is often the most neutral and transparent of voices for English language popular fiction in modern times. It's the norm. It's what has all the conventions built up. Switching chapter by chapter is very common and is not omniscient in any sense, WTF, anon.
Omniscient makes more sense if you've been reading works that are actually in it. Golden Age mystery novels are a good example. No, it does not list every thought of every character. What? No good writing does that. Of course you withhold info.
What does "secondary third person" mean here?
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ive returned because your writing haunts me and i need to dig into your brain about combat baby idk how deeply youve thought about like. the whole extent of this au so if im asking about stuff that you dont want to focus on for it forgive me but im so curious how do things go down with bill?? like hes still an issue here do they just try the unicorn hair and stan scams his way through (and ford is so shocked and lowkey turned on impressed they bang after) or with everything else happening does ford (stupid genius he is) just sort of forget bill can still enter stan's dreams even if hes got the metal plate and stans like "hey why am i dreaming about a dorito obsessed with your portal"
and im guessing ford would not be down to make his home a tourist trap so do you think stan would just help with the research? or would his insecurities about being dead weight to ford push him to try and find his own way of income?
and and what about the town?? do they have to awkwardly pretend theyre father and son or uncle and nephew or something? because sure they could pretend theyre not related but they still look pretty similar. ford just looks like an older, nerdier stan so i think that would be people's first assumption (ford seething quietly as susan flirts with stan. stan just thinks fords feeling uncomfortable in town because hes a hermit until theyre alone and they have a repeat of their highschool days with ford hissing in his ear and demanding to know what he was expecting to happen with susan. stan trying to answer but hes a little distracted at the time)
and also with ford being back would they ever run into fiddleford again? either him in his cult days or maybe already halfway to losing his mind. depending on where he is mentally im sure the interaction could be either pretty hostile or sympathetic
ive grabbed you by the ankles and am attempting to shake you upside down to try and empty your pockets for scraps of this au because it consumes me
-🐶
waaaaaah thanks for being patient with me friend! you know i ALWAYS love to see you with the big fuckin questions and ideas. and i have been THINKING about this one cause, tbh, i finished combat baby in a couple of days and went “GET OUT OF MY SIGHT” and threw it at y’all and did not think much about it after that! until i came over here and started chatting with y’all at least hahaha.
the bill issue is like a whole thing right? and i was definitely wondering how the time travel on one side but not the other might impact him/slow him down. but i also do think it’d be kind of fucking hilarious if stan starts dreaming about bill but like. doesn’t say anything and doesn’t even think it’s a big deal because. you know. they’re just weird dreams. and at this point, stan’s done enough drugs and been through the ringer with stress and shit that it doesn’t even occur to him to question having bizarre dreams about some little geometric freak trying to be nice to him. whaaat? a MATH SHAPE for fucking NERDS in a gay little sweater vest BOW TIE is COMPLIMENTING him in his dreams???
as far as stan’s concerned, his subconscious got REALLY hung up on the whole “ford said some nice shit to me while we were fucking” and just hasn’t let that go yet. which i think would also drive bill up the fucking wall. like stan would have been the harder nut to crack regardless, but to keep getting accused of being stan’s mental manifestation of his brother fucking praise kink???? (which of course invites the whole question of bill going fuck it, and just leaning into that, but i don’t think he’d be as adept that mimicking ford for stan as he was at mimicking stan for ford, so)
ngl, i do love the unicorn hair play, tho. fun fact! i have no idea if i’ll actually write it or not, but i’ve toyed with the idea of doing a role reversal with ford coming back out of the portal still in this 30’s and finding stan and everything else having moved forward 30 years. and the unicorn hair felt like a good way to potentially address the Bill Issue i was getting stopped up on there! but like. i also could absolutely see older!ford convincing stan to wear a collar necklace of unicorn hair to keep bill out of his head.
but i loooooove the idea of them getting mixed up with fiddleford’s cult shit. i don’t even know wtf i’d DO with that but conceptually i love it. cause they’re starting to keep an eye on the townspeople, right? and even if stan’s come up with some kinda story to explain there being kinda sorta two of them now, he wouldn’t know not to be outspoken about the other weird shit happening in town. y’know, on top of being some of the weird shit happening in town. something something, stan getting snatched like lazy susan did over the gnome incident, but ayyye that shit hits really fucking wrong when you’ve actually been kidnapped in the past already and had to chew your way out of a fucking car to get free. i think that’s be neat!!
and especially if we consider fidds being maybe already just shade too far gone, enough that running into stan or having him dragged into the cult would confuse the fuck out of him. because that’s stanford, right? it has to be, he’s coming in and out of stanford’s house, he looks like stanford with a few questionable fashion and hygiene choices — but then again, stanford hadn’t been in great shape the last time he’d shown his face outside of the cabin, either. but his hands are wrong. his hands are wrong and he can’t be stanford but then why does he look like him? easy solution: everybody gets their memory wiped.
something something, stan may not know where the fuck he is, but he knows coming to in a room full of shady guys he doesn’t recognize is either gonna end with him losing teeth or a little bit of dignity, and he’d like to hold on to his teeth a little longer.
#do we think ford would kill a cult if he caught them gang banging his brother???#or do we think he’d join in and then wipe all their memories of it??????#oh no i like that idea a little too much#god dammit boston#putting it on The List#stancest#pretend my ask tag is cute
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Fantasy (Ghostface)
Part One.
LivMorgan X Fem!Reader X RheaRipley
Warnings - Mentions of blood, knife’s, all that stuff. you can’t watch horror movies, then I’d suggest not to read this. Eventual smut at some point.
Summary - Weird things have been happening lately. You keep getting calls from unknown numbers, every time you answer it, there’s just heavy breathing. Until finally, they speak up.
___________________________
Murder.
That’s what is happening in my small town. As long as I’ve lived here, I’ve never known of anything like this to happen.
Maybe a few robberies here and there, but nothing like this.
What makes this even worse is that I’ve been receiving calls from these unknown numbers. Heavy breathing and sometimes this…low pitched growl noise.
I’ve been wondering if this could be the killer, but I always come to a point where I believe it’s just some kids prank calling, trying to scare others.
I work morning shift at my job, meaning I get off later during the day. I work at the diner owned by my mom and dad. I’ve always been here with them, so I know pretty much all of our customers.
Except for the few drunken truck drivers who pass through here and there.
As my shift ends, I tell my parents goodnight and I clock out. I walk outside to my car, get in and go to crank it up.
But...
It wasn't starting.
"Shit!" | screamed.
All I wanted was to go home and get some sleep.
Tomorrow is halloween. So the diners gonna be busy and I have to fix up some of the decorations out front.
I pull my phone out, seeing if I can call a taxi to come and get me.
I get a call.
"UNKNOWN NUMBER" again..
"Hello?" I say aloud.
No response. Only loud, heavy breathing.
The deep breathing was the only response I was getting. No words, no hello, no greeting...Just the breathing.
“Hello?” I say again.
“You know... you're not supposed to answer calls at this hour..” A voice finally speaks up. Its deep. Raspy.
“Who is this?” I ask.
“No no.. I ask the questions.” The person says to me.
The voice chuckled a bit, before clearing their throat. “Do you like scary movies, Lorelei?”
“How do you know my name?”
“Nuh uh, answer the fucking question bitch.” The voice says to me.
“No- What? Why does it-Just..please stop calling me!” I hang up.
My heart dropped. What the fuck was that.
I try my car one more time.
It finally cranks.
I don’t think I’ve ever drove home faster. As soon as I stepped in the door, I slammed it shut and made sure to lock it. I went around, checking my windows and doors..making sure no one could open them.
I was scared shitless.
I sit down on my couch, trying to calm myself down.
“It’s just a prank, that’s all.” I said to myself, breathing in and out.
After about 15 minutes of repeating this and breathing in and out, I go upstairs to my bedroom. Ready to wash this day away.
I grab my clothes, and walk to my bathroom.
I shut the door behind me, making sure to lock it as I was still paranoid, and placed my clothes on the sink. I turn the water on in the shower, steam immediately beginning to fill the air. I get undressed and step in.
I begin washing my hair, but suddenly I hear the bathroom door knob wiggling as if someone is attempting to open it.
I shrugged it off, thinking it’s just my mind playing tricks on me.
But it happens again.
This time, I stick my head out, watching the doorknob rattle.
I turn the water off slowly.
Suddenly, loud banging on the door begins.
I scream but cover my mouth immediately, as if the person doesn’t know I’m in here.
“I know you’re in there. I can hear you.” This person speaks out behind the door.
I look at the counter, my phone not there as I left it in the bedroom.
“Shit!” I scream.
“Ahhh there you are.” Says the person.
The banging and rattling begins again.
I rush out of the shower. Grabbing my clothes and throwing them on.
I was not about to die naked.
“Open the door. I’m not gonna hurt you. Come on..I just want to have a little fun, yeah?”
Holding back tears, I run and stand on my toilet, trying to open the window that sits above it.
My heart rapidly beating, palms becoming sweaty. Filled with instant panic, fear for my life.
I finally get it open, but the only thing is, I’m on the second floor.
Suddenly the door is broken down, a tall black figure rushing at me with a knife.
I decide to take the risk, I jump out of the window. Landing on the patch of grass next to my driveway.
The land twisted my knee but I can’t stop due to that. I get up and run as fast as I can to a nearby house, banging on the door.
“PLEASE HELP, THERES SOMEONE AFTER ME! HELLO? PLEASE!!!” I scream whilst banging on the door.
The door opens up, an older lady asking me if I’m alright.
I beg her to call the cops, too tell them someone’s in my house, and she does just so.
She sat me on her couch, wet and all. She gives me a towel and a blanket, telling me the cops should be arriving soon.
Small Time Jump!
After arriving at the hospital, the nurses put me in a room. Checking me out to make sure I’m okay, also checking my knee to see what happened. When the nurses are done, the cops follow in after them.
The cops sit down, now asking me questions about what happened exactly.
I tell them everything I knew. Including the calls I thought may have been random kids.
After about an hour of talking with the cops, they leave me be.
Sometime after, my mom and dad came in.
She ran into my arms, tears immediately falling from both of our eyes.
Everything felt okay at the moment.
“Baby I’m so glad you’re okay.” My mom says.
My dad following behind her. “Me too.” He too comes up to me and hugs me.
“I was so scared..” I speak up, my voice slightly raspy due to my screaming.
“You’ll be okay baby. You’re a strong girl.” My mom caresses my face with her hand.
I nod my head.
“Are you hungry?” My dad asks. “I can run to the diner and make you something?”
“Uhm- Yeah. I am. Thank you, dad.” I smile at him.
He nods to me and then walks out.
“I’m gonna go find a restroom, hunny. I’ll be right back, okay?”
I smile at my mom and nod in affirmation.
After my mom walked out, the nurse followed in after her. “Your mom’s on the line.”
My mom?
It was probably my dad, using mom’s phone.
I pick the phone up. “Hello? Dad?” I ask.
A deep voice responds. “Guess again.”
No.
Oh god.
“What do you want from me..” I ask, tears once again forming in my eyes.
“All I want is for you to answer my questions. Can you do that?
“You’re not gonna leave me alone are you?” I question.
“That all depends on your answers.” The person says. “Tell me, Lorelei..Do you like scary movies?”
“Mhm”
“What’s your favorite..scary movie?”
I answer, holding back my tears and sobs. “I- It’s..The Exorcist.”
The killer lets out a slight laugh. “Good pick.” They say.
“I’ll start you off on some easy questions okay? Let’s say a…practice round, yeah?”
“Okay.” I mumble out.
“Friday the 13th. How did Jason die?”
“I- he uhm…I don’t-..” I get cut off.
“Oh come on..don’t say you don’t know? Think, Lori.”
“Drowned. He drowned!” I say.
“Ding ding ding! Correct!”
“Just a couple more..When did the original IT movie come out?
“1990! I know this one!” I say. Getting a bit more confident in myself.
“Mhm, good job, alright.. last one, What is the song played at the beginning of Halloween II?”
“Mr Sandman! Yes, I know this one!” I scream slightly.
“Wow! Someone knows their stuff…” The person says.
“I won right?! Did I win?” I ask.
“Oh no no..that was just the practice round, remember?”
“Time for the real round. What item did Nancy pull out of her dream in Nightmare of Elm Street?”
“What? I- how am I supposed to know this? I don’t..”
“Don’t leave me hanging Lori! Come on…I’m sure you know it.”
“I don’t- I’ve never seen that movie! Please.”
“What’s the answer lori?”
“I don’t know!”
“Is that your final answer?”
“I- fuck!” I hang up the phone.
I get up off the hospital bed and try to run to the hallway, but suddenly I’m grabbed.
“You hung up in my face Lorelei! That’s not very nice…”
The killer grabs my face, shoving a rag in my face.
One second I’m awake.
The next, I’m not.
A/N - Hi again! This is only part one to the story, if it seems a bit rushed, that’s cause it is. I wrote this quickly, just to see and get a feel of what I really wanted. I promise part two will be much much better!
#rhea ripley#smut#wwe#wwe raw#wwe smackdown#fanfic#judgment day#liv morgan#wwe fanfiction#ghostface#rhea ripley wwe#rhea ripley smut#liv morgan wwe#livmorgansmut#fluff
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Have you beat BG3 yet?
not yet, next time i play i think i’m confronting the brain 😮
#had to replay 20hrs from when i went back#it took me a while cos i really didn’t want to do those fights again haha#and i’ve been playing other stuff here and there#i usually struggle with actually finishing games this size#but i will!!!#flantalk
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Knightfall in Dream Land - Page 4
Meta Knight shares what it was like to grow up being raised by Nightmare.
#Kirby#Kirby fanart#my art#comic#Meta Knight#Nightmare#sorry this page took me so long to finish I’ve been really busy with grad school stuff and was at a conference last month#but it’s finally here and page five shouldn’t take me as long to finish as this page did#the comic is mostly centered around the game lore and not the anime lore but I did borrow a little bit from the anime#this might be a dumb question but do any other Kirby fans have voice headcanons for the characters?#by voice headcanons I mean what do you think they’d sound like if they had voiced dialogue#for Meta Knight and Dedede I think they’d just sound like they do in the anime since those voices are so iconic lol#I know that Nightmare also speaks in the anime but I don’t really like his anime voice#I’m showing that I’m a Trekkie with this lmao but my voice headcanon for Nightmare is that he’d sound like Ricardo Montalban#Montalban died in 2009 but he was famous for playing Khan in Star Trek he was so good in that villain role#but that was in the 1960s and 1980s so if you aren’t a Star Trek fan you might not be familiar with him#he also plays the grandpa in Spy Kids though and I think he was also in Kim Possible#I actually see a lot of parallels between Kirby and Star Trek lol but maybe that’s just me and no one else sees it#I’m developing an idea for a Susie redemption arc comic that I want to draw when I finish Knightfall in Dream Land#and if I do eventually draw it it’s going to be very heavily influenced by Star Trek/there will be lots of Star Trek references in it#Planet Robobot as a game basically is just a Star Trek episode lmao it has the same plot as every Borg episode from Star Trek#so I think referencing Star Trek in a comic centered around Susie would make sense#Knightfall in Dream Land
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‘why is so much plot going on in lacunosa town’ <— well aware i am in the Town Nearby The Plot Stuff ™️
#collateral damage smh. what if i was just sightseeing#but like i almost forgot about team plasma tbh#the real struggle has been having to take the most insane detour imaginable from mistralton to opelucid city#all because somebodyyyyy had to cause a cave-in on twist mountain <- doesn’t actually know if it was natural or not#like. take a plane to the other side of the map.#a short route and then an entire mountain cave#undella town and then route 13 and then finally. here#granted i’ve been doing side stuff but who can blame me#also before all that i did celestial tower too#bc i didn’t know where juniper and skyla were#goldie plays pokémon black… 2!!!#truly the real villain is. construction
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sigh
#getting Taylor fatigue perhaps#thinking about.. a lot of stuff on ttpd#today Florida was playing in the store and the “weed or little babies” line slapped me in the face and then I couldn’t stop thinking about#how cringey it was for the rest of the afternoon#and then I kind of mentally went down a spiral of other Choices I don’t love#and like!! idk I did like a lot of songs on ttpd#some of the Silly was fun#fell into the anti ttpd tag and people do love to dunk on so high school and imgonnagetyouback but I don’t really have anything against thos#like! let her have fun! Aristotle/grand theft auto!#but there’s also a lot of other choices (specifically lyrically) that I just…. hm.#the reason I stopped listening to the title track too#there’s *some* good lines in there. a couple good lines. but there’s too much cringe the whole I can’t listen to that song#and I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I’m not trying to say anything specific.#I’m not mad about everything and especially compared to the actual antis I definitely enjoy the album more than many of them do#but also. not like the Crowd of Swifties does#and yeah just in general. things about her behavior recently are Very Disappointing#*gestures vaguely*#so idkkk#ik i have talked about this before on the other side of the argument like. if you hate Taylor why are you still here you hater???#and I don’t hate Taylor but I don’t really like her very much either. idk and I continue to like A Lot of her music#and idk idk#I’ve been thinking this on and off since ttpd release#and some days I like her less than other days#but maybe I’m thinking it’s just time for me to take a step back.#I don’t want to become a hater so if I have anything to rant about I’ll try to keep in it some tags like this or just in my group chat#but yeah. if I am less interested in or inclined to talk about Taylor and my swiftie mutuals wonder. that’s why#I’m still 100% down to talk about the music though!!! but maybe I’m going to become one of those people who are asked if they like TS and#they’ll be like “mmm I like her older stuff”#maybe that’s where I’m headed
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okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool
#okay so I came to this flat and he wasn’t here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film#I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates#has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so I’m like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be#how this guy is yknow#on Tuesday I get an email back saying he’s coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces#rlly friendly message that I wasn’t expecting. I also didn’t know he’d been on a trip i just knew he wasn’t there bc his door was open#(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and it’s tidy and pretty#and he’s got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I don’t wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I can’t clean it without moving his shit and#I haven’t seen him yet to talk abt it and I can’t bring myself to talk to him immediately bc I’m dying#and embarrassed as hell by how I’ve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen#but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and he’s super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then he’s cooking and like. spaghetti burns but I’m not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today#and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out it’s like#washed up stuff isn’t dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that he’s spread out than he’s messy#and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to he’s flying back home#and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc#and then cleans the whole flat?? which I’m assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. could’ve easily left#bc there are two people still living here who would’ve had to deal with it and he doesn’t know either at all#and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc he’s been gorging himself#these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet#and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar#he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar I’ve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude#now that the kitchens clear I’m gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise he’s gonna be eating out all weekend#he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday#regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection#of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didn’t know#well. idk where to go from here. I think I’ll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt
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just found my dad’s jthm books! at least that asshole could be useful for something
#i’ve read jthm before but it’s nice to have the physical books#i found other books too but these were the ones i was originally looking for#can’t believe he’s been gone for years but this is the first time i’ve looked at his comic collection#actually i can believe it#i hate going in my basement#he didn’t manage to get a lot of his stuff when my parents separated#i would feel bad about him leaving all his books here if he wasn’t an abusive asshole#i also got his friend’s bass#he was storing it here before all the shit with my dad went down#i figure it’s been long enough#if he really wanted it he would have came by#it’s been YEARS#time to teach myself how to play bass#johnny the homicidal maniac#jthm#jhonen vasquez
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i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw vent#cw vent post#cw health#cw heart#i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it#i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help#sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me#he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me#sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree#have i Ever actually relaxed#hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch#anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things#a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal#so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now#and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser#i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever#if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked#all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is#every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse#anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches#‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now#i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC#which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it#i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead#anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t.#it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about#i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father
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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
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art tutorials that focus on improving your art for the sake of followers and internet clout are soooo…….
#like I can understand the importance of building up a base if you’re trying to do art for a living but#there’s usually no indication of that specifically it’s always like…HERES WHAT TO DRAW TO GAIN FOLLOWERS!!!#like a ‘tip’ I’ve heard sooo many times is literally just. draw what other people like. draw fan art for series that are popular#draw what other people like!! optimize your work flow!!! post every day!!#like maybe I’m just an old lady sitting on her front porch in a rocking chair but. does that not sound exhausting#I heavily drew fan art from ages like 15-23ish#and like it works it gets you followers and it gets you attn and it gets your stuff out there!!!#and listen this is just my own personal experience which is why this all seems weird to me but.#finally putting my whole pussy into original work and realizing my own ideas fufillment wise…#like if fanart was caffiene then working on original stuff has been a full face of blow for me#I don’t know. getting recognition from people who share common internists is fun and the validation of COURSE feels good#but getting over my need to just please the crowd and working to feel less afraid of the vulnerability inherent to sharing original work#it’s just a WHOLE different ballgame and I’m really glad I’ve started to play it#idk. many thoughts. do what feels good but don’t become clout poisoned. u know.#not everything is about optimization and marketability. get the ideas and colors and shapes out of your head. it is our destiny#txt
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mozart gets ONE point
#learning a string quintet. you win this time big shot. (i liked it)#here’s the thing w classical era classical music#most of it s just boring to me#INCLUDING mr wolfgang amadeus mozart#but this one wasn’t boring i liked it#and as a classical musician okay i must clarify that classical era music is only boring for me in that it’s boring to listen to#it’s actually quite interesting to play (bc the style is a certain way and requires a different kind of approach and well STYLE than other#kinds of music)#bluebird.txt#baroque music is fun but can be hard (again bc of the style) and romantic is the most fun to listen to and probably the easiest#for me to play#MIND YOU NONE OF THIS STUFF IS EASY#well it is if you work on it#but like musicians do a whole lot of work. appreciate us. i’ve been playing for ten years. APPRECIATE US WE PUT A LOT OF WORK INTO THIS!!!#okay 👍🏼 back to score reading with me
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MARIO GOOD
#IM GENUINELY KIND OF MAD HOW GOOD IT WAS. SONIC WE COULD HAVE HAD THE WORLD#i KNOW it’s only possible bc of how well the comic movie did but oh my god what i wouldnt give for the sincere fully immersive sonic#*how well the sonic movie did#experience the world of hedgehogs and big ol gems deserved#there’s definitely nothing i could say about the mario movie that hasn’t already been said but ooogh. so pretty. illumination how#i’ve seen your other stuff. how is it this good. the music was very well done too. i need to start playing superstar saga again (do not have#time for getting into mario again but i CAN fantasize)#also very funny how many scenes are uncomfortably perfect parallels to the sonic movies . lmao#also also i’m calling it movie 2 is gonna be a super mario world adaptation (yoshi + the koopalings) and prolly bringing in daisy somehow.#peach is prolly more explicitly connected to rosalina than in canon and im here for it#mario spoilers#< to be careful#text✨#mario#the elusive jay rose nintendo era is returning methinks (am about to have some fun news about zelda stuff :)#this still doesn’t feel real how do we live in a world where the mario movie actually exists and slaps. it’s pure cheese and it’s adorable#aside from some of the VO work and the dialogue. only weak points
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I still have 5 hours left in my shift 😭😭😭
#I just….#really wanna go home today#not having a good day. I started my period this morning and then I got to work and found out only me and one other opener were there but our#opening manager wasn’t here yet so she was late and we spent the next 20 minutes rushing to get everything set up before we opened#and then we immediately started getting customers and it’s just been busy and I’m tired and just don’t feel good bc of my period#and then so far I’ve had 2 of my least favorite customers come through the drive thru where I’m working#one is this dude who’s just fucking annoying another is the guy that asked for my number a few months ago who I haven’t seen since I turned#him down so I took his order and then made someone else deal with him at the window#and then it got busy with everyone ordering drinks like hot coffees which meant I had to walk from our drive thru out to the lobby bc my#coffees were out bc everyone wants coffee today but when I would do that I would still have to be taking orders#and then someone cleared a few specialty coffees off the barista screen without making them while the person was sitting in the drive thru#so I had to make those while doing other stuff too and people were asking me questions#and I was just getting very overstimulated and annoyed plus I’m hungry#and I just want to leave and go home and sleep but it’s my best friend’s birthday so she’s probably gonna want to do something later but I#just don’t feel up to it and I know she’s probably ready to hang out because she’s been off for 10 days with Covid so she’s well rested now#for her birthday but 😭😭😭 I just want to crash into my bed so hard and not wake up until noon tomorrow#also the coworker I work with every day and don’t like is here today unfortunately#and also all of the speakers we use to play music in the back are dead right now and I just want to play music#first world problems but I have so little patience today
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