#and i’m definitely not aro/ace which would honestly make everything make a lot more sense but alas no

[faisty]

can someone pls explain to me why i feel so sick to my stomach and like i’m fully exiting this plane of existence at the mere suggestion of romantic and/or sexual entanglement like wtf is wrong with me

[darkstarnight02]

Why the Akuma Class Doesn’t Trusts Lila Rossi

Nino

This dude is a loyal friend

Like, he’s also a loyal boyfriend, so it’s hard when his girlfriend is siding with Lila

But he’s the one who’s like

“Dudes, we’ve known Mari for years there’s no way she would do the stuff this new girl we’ve known for five minutes says she did.”

He and Kim and Mari were besties since preschool, I think we all know that.  

Adrien

I hate it when people say he tries to defend her with the high road crap

When he sees her hurting people, especially Marinette

Because lets be honest, he cares about her alot

He’s less forgiven

Like do y’all remember the “BeCaUsE We’Re FrIeNdS, aReN’t We?”

So he’s not going to try and make her life miserable

But he is going to try to get her to stop

Chloé

Let’s be honest, she never liked Lila in the first place.  

So Imma give y’all bonus “how she figured out everyone’s identities”

So once she became friends with Marinette

Cause they formed a “we hate Lie-la” alliance

(tho since Mari’s still friends with the others its kinda awkward)

Chloe’s pretty smart.  

Like, she totally could have figured it out before they became friends

But she would never have believed back then that Mari-trash was Ladybug, her idol (and lesbian awakening, lesbihonest)

But now that she’s friends with her, it’s way too obvious

And she definitely already knew about Adrien because these guys are besties

And, dudes, she never had a crush on him, she was just an overprotective best friend

And a very touchy one

To her, it’s all pretty obvious.  

She thinks that its just whatever magic thats blinding everyone of the obvious, its immune to (like low-key Rachel Dare here)

But Sabine, Tom, and Jagged probably know to because they’re all Kings and Queens.  

So Chloe figures everyone out pretty quickly.  

Sabrina

She trust Chloe more than anyone.  

But I’m not just gonna use that because its kinda boring.  

Tho Chloe is her bi crush so that definitely helps secure loyalties

Its only when Marinette becomes MDC that she realizes

and yes, Sabrina probably knows because Chloe and she also recognizes the designs from some stuff she has in her own closet.  

So anyway, she realizes Mari is MDC and she’s some famous designer and Lila is not

And Mari also knows Jagged and Clara and a whole bunch of other famous people

And she never brags about it but there’s proof that she knows them

while Lila always brags about it but she’s never been mentioned and no one knows her.  

Alya

I hate it when people say she totally sides with Lila.  

This girl knows that her bestie never lies(or at least thinks)

and some things with Lila don’t add up.  

Like she doesn’t check directly if what Lila says is true

But she’ll be doing research for something else and see’s that it contradicts something that Lila said.  

So she’ll do more research and try to figure more stuff out

And she’s like holy f*ck nothing Lila says is true.

Or, alternatively, for those of you who have watched season 4

She immediately realizes Lila’s a liar right after Marinette tells her she’s Ladybug.  

Marinette

No explanation needed.  

Mylène

Mylene notices when Lila insults one of her classmates one day.  

Even if its subtle, or just piping on the edge of her blaming Marinette for something, she notices it.  

And a good person wouldn’t say something like that,  

Like Chloe, they all expect something like that from

No one every really liked Chloe in the first place

And Mari never says anything rude

Sure, she gets angry at Chloe and Lila sometimes, and she tries to prove what they say is wrong, but she never directly attacks someone.  

I don’t know who Lila was being a bitch to this time, but it cost her a follower.  

Alix

This girl is probably one of the most Gen Z kids in the Akuma Class, which is pretty sad because they’re all supposed to be Gen Z. 

She can smell bullcrap from a mile away

Not to mention the little hints older Bunnyx drops whenever she visits.  

With the mix of her being the future miraculous holder of time and being the daughter of a historian, she’s very aware of history and timelines and cause and effects and chain reactions

So when Marinette starts ‘acting up’ she tries to find when her personality switched over

And even if she seems more like a background character, this aro/ace queen always seems to know your secrets. 

So even before she knew Lila was a phony, she knew that Mari was MDC and that Jagged Stone was Juleka and Luka’s dad

So she definitely figured some stuff out that way

Honestly, next to Chloe, Alix was probably one of the first people to figgure out Mari’s identity.  

She’s a detective to rival batman

Ivan

I think Lila would make some sort of rift between him and Mylene.  

He loves her so much and it would be so hard

And mari and her friends would help him out

and he would see the truth

They wouldn’t like break up or anything

But he can just tell immediately when someone’s being a bad person.  

Kim

Probably something similar to Nino

But I think it’d be a bit more like he’s totally a die-hard fan of some of Marinette’s connections or some of Marinette’s work itself

And when he puts the pieces together its like everything makes sense in the world.  

He really feels super stupid afterwards.  

Ondine probably slaps him for not trusting his childhood best friend before some bitchy new girl.  

Max

This is the smartest dude in class

He made a f*cking robot with emotions you can’t tell me he doesn’t figure Lila out.  

A part of me believes that in the first episode with Lila when they were all waiting on her hand and foot they were probably aware that she was kind of delusional, but were giving into it the way you give into the tales of a six year old.  

Like ‘yeah, okay sweetie.  Sure’.  

I mean, at least that’s why Max went along with the napkin thing, because there’s no other excuse for that whole incident.  

Nathaniel

I don’t totally know how he figured her out, but I love the idea of her saying that she can introduce him to the creator of the Ladybug Comics.  

They actually sit next to each other in class, so he definitely is more aware of her weird behavior than others.

And since he’s an artist he’s very observant, always noticing things like her facial expressions and what seems more exaggerated than real.  

And we all know how kwami-damned done Nathaniel is with the class, so he probably knew all along.  

Not to mention that since the rest of the school is less submissive to Lila’s lies, Marc probably pointed it out to him at some point.  

There’s also the idea that since Nathaniel is pretty much never mentioned anymore, the class forgets about him and he ends up having to spend some time with Marinette and the other outcasts

In which he realizes that they are actually good people.  

Honestly, Nathaniel probably knew all along but he’s just not a drama queen about it so Lila never bothered him.  

Rose

Girls besties with Prince Ali, one of the key components of Lila’s lies

She definitely does not want to believe that someone is capable of so much evil, and she definitely gets Akumatized when she figures it out

She goes through a lot of denial but is eventually convinced.  

Juleka

Her dad is Jagged Stone, also another key component of Lila’s lies.  

After becoming Tigris Pourpre, the holder of the tiger miraculous (that’s canon in the future), she gets a little bit more invested in cat culture

And omfg I just realized that both of our models are kittens and I just wanna DIE because that’s so cute.  

And honestly now that I’m thinking about it if she was a celebrity she would totally take after Jagged and have an emotional support tiger like Princess Jasmine. 

ANYWAY, I’m kinda getting off topic here.  

So she asks Jagged about his cat, and he’s like 

“wtf I’ve never had a cat why would I have a cat I have FANG my CROCODILE”

And she’s like but your cat...

And he’s like “Jules, darling, I wrote a song about how I replaced my family with a guitar and I have three instagrams for Fang, why would I have a feline animal?”

And she’s just like

....

And honestly she probably already knew some sh*t was up before that

Because Luka obviously, despite only having met Lila, like, once, probably, dislikes Lila severely

And also Juleka is more of an observer than a do-er so she probably saw that some stuff was up.  

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hello! I hope it’s ok to ask, but I’m looking for some advice and I’ve seen some really good advice on here before.......So, a little bit about me, I’ve identified as ace for like 5 years now and I’m kinda trying out identifying as aro cos that makes sense too. I’m at the point where I’m 87% sure I’m gonna apply to do a masters degree in gender and sexuality studies, wherein my proposed research will be about representations of asexuality, which I’m actually pretty excited about. The only thing is, well a few things actually...

1) I’m out to like 3 people, none of whom are my parents who I still live at home with. I don’t really see the point in coming out as an aroace who really hopes to be in a romantic and sexual relationship in the future should I magically find someone I like enough to actually consider a relationship with, it’ll either happen or it won’t. I kinda wanna come out just to get it done with, but it doesn’t change anything from my parents point of view, either I’m ‘straight’ waiting for a relationship, or I’m aroace waiting for a relationship...it makes no difference, other than opening myself up for awkward, potentially aphobic and probably homophobic questions which I wanna avoid. But equally I don’t wanna hide and do my research in secret and silence. I’d be studying from home so I’d still be seeing everyone I’m not out to (colleagues, friends, family etc) who will understandably be interested that I’m getting a masters and will want to know more, but I just don’t know how to balance being as truthful as possible about what I’m studying because it means a lot to me whilst not forcing myself to come out...if anyone has any advice I’d be extremely grateful cos it’s kinda the biggest thing stopping me from wanting to apply right now...

Also 2) I’ve done a ton of research already about asexuality, the wider queer community etc in preparation for applying (I have like 30k+ words of notes already) but there were several months last year that I gave up on research completely, almost entirely because I got fed up of practically everything I read invalidating my asexuality, with asexuality always being discussed/defined as not wanting sex, not desiring sex, asexual=nonsexual etc. It’s this kinda thing what took me so long to ID as ace in the first place cos I’ve always been a pretty sexual person, albeit just on my own, and having a desire for hypothetical future sex made me feel not ace enough to actually identify as ace despite never feeling sexually attracted to anyone, and feeling really confused about what sexual attraction actually was 🤣 whilst I’m pretty secure in my ace identity these days, the constant invalidation I’m getting from doing all this reading does really get to me and I don’t know what to do to stop making it get to me? I know there’s no right or wrong was to be aspec, not wanting/desiring/having sex is just as ace as having sex, but when asexuals having sex is never an option in what I’m reading it just makes me wanna give up and crawl back into bed cos it reminds me of the depressing days when I didn’t think I was ace enough and therefore I was just...wrong. Any strategies to work through the constant invalidation without giving up would also be appreciated!

This turned into an entire essay (I’m sorry, I just really like writing essays, god I hope it makes sense though) but I just wanna say thank you for everything you do! So many of us have absolutely no where to turn to talk about being aspec, and this is such a valuable resource because of it, so thank you soooo much 💜

For coming out or not, I think this is definitely something that's a personal choice. And I don't think there's a wrong choice unless it feels wrong to you. Both definitely have pros and cons, I don't think there's any option that doesn't have a downside unfortunately. One question that may help is how big an advantage do you think it would be to be out and be able to publicly draw from your own experiences? If not much, or if you think it may be a disadvantage, it may not be worth it, but if it really helps your work it may be worth dealing with the downsides more. Remember to put yourself and your mental health first though.

Two things to remember I think two is 1. You can come out at any time so it's not a choice you have to make now if you don't want to. (Though it may be easier to come out earlier and be done with it, but it's a personal choice). and 2. You don't have to be out to everyone or do a big coming out. If it's useful to be out for your degree/research that doesn't necessarily mean you have to tell your family/friends for example.

Though whatever you decide, I would definitely recommend trying to grow your support group a bit. Especially try and find other ace and aro people you can talk to about things and vent to who will get it. And this can be as simple as finding one or two good online communities, you can also look into ace/aro in person meetups and see if you can connect to people a bit that way too.

This will help both with any aphobic/homophobic stuff you have to deal with if you decide to come out, but will also help a lot with the constant invalidation you're likely to keep running into in academic spheres.

Following ace/aro people on social media or ace/aro blogs and following positivity blogs can help too.

Basically you want to counteract the invalidation you're going to be dealing with, and the more you can drown it out with proper validation, the easier that's going to be.

Watch out for other stressors, dealing with invalidation/aphobia on a regular basis is stressful, and the less stress you have otherwise, the easier it will be to deal with that stress. (Obviously cutting out stress is not easy, and if it was it wouldn't be an issue, but definitely it's good to be aware of this.) And put your own mental health first, always. It's great to work in ace research, and you'll likely do a lot of good, but it shouldn't be at the expense of yourself.

This is just kind of an aside but I'm honestly surprised to see academia is still defining asexuality around how sexual they are, I'd think they'd at least be using the lack of sexual attraction model. It's definitely disappointing. :/

(Also I hope you don't mind this is public, but because you asked for everyone's advice I assume it's OK. Tumblr doesn't seem to allow answering asks privately anymore, but I'll happily take this down if you want me to.)

All the best and I wish you the best of luck!

Also going to put this out to followers if anyone has any advice, or if anyone deals with anything similar and wants to talk about it/share their own opinions, please do!

[genderbinaryisforlosers]

everyone on the carte blanche for the ask meme

everyone? oh boy this is gonna get long ajfhdsf

JUNO

First impression: i, like a lot of people who get into the podcast without knowing a great deal about it, was expecting at most an ambiguously bisexual angst machine with a closely-guarded heart of gold. juno being an explicitly bisexual genderqueer angst machine is perhaps the most pleasant surprise of my life. the angst machine heart of gold characters were kind of my type at the time, so i loved him right away

Impression now: every time i think about juno’s arc from depressed mess held together by bad coping mechanisms, safety pins, and a few good strong puns into someone who can talk about his feelings, feel comfortable about being happy, and recognise when he needs to change, i want to cry about it a little bit. the depth of my love for juno steel has only grown along with him

Favourite moment: juno has a lot of great one-liners and i’m still a big fan of the “on the other hand i wasn’t wearing a watch” bit and who can forget such classics as juno finally deciding to stop moping over nureyev and move on only for him to open the door to his apartment and find nureyev sitting in the dark dramatically, but honestly nothing will ever hit me harder than his sudden, pissed-off declaration of “i can’t die yet, i still have shit to do!” in promised land. god.

Idea for a story: oh i have so many and i want to write most of them so no spoilers, but juno accidentally kidnaps a baby during a carte blanche heist and shenanigans ensue

Unpopular opinion: obviously we all know he’s dummy thicc but i feel like a lot of people forget he’s an actual genius, like the stuff he notices and how he strings it together is sometimes so obscure and he’s almost always right. oh, also juno is not skinny and i will not be taking criticism on that

Favourite relationship: this is so tough because every dynamic is so good, but i think it has to be juno and rita. those two are so good! the best best friends in the world!! i’m really a sucker for any dynamic that’s ridiculously in-sync so i loved these two as soon as juno saw rita’s notes in prince of mars and went “makes perfect sense to me” (which it probably didn’t, because rita, but he trusted that she knew what she was doing which is the important part)

Favourite headcanon: this isn’t really a headcanon but i still think about how juno is (was?) deathly afraid of heights but when he heard rex glass coming he still attempted to climb out of the window. either his aversion to working with dark matters/other people in general was so strong is overrided his fear, or his office was actually on the ground floor. not sure which of these is funnier.

NUREYEV

First impression: we’ve all seen the memes about nureyev knowing juno steel for one (1) day and deciding to Risk It All by leaving him with his name, look at this Hopeless Romantic, this utter DISASTER of a homosexual. the fact the very next time we hear from nureyev (at least directly) he’s patiently waiting in juno’s dark apartment to surprise him with a heist definitely supports this image.

Impression now: even after literally being inside peter’s head, i feel like we didn’t get a real sense of who he is until man in glass, where we find out he aggressively compartmentalises everything that causes him stress. he’s also distinctly someone who’s had his heart broken before, i think, which makes those first appearances of his very strange. but it does remind me of what juno says about diamond, and how he decided to provide the trust first and wait for the trustworthiness to grow in (only to get severely hurt), and i think that’s exactly what nureyev did. i am also... very uneasy with how suspicious he’s behaving this season because obviously i want to believe he’ll sort it all out and not betray the crew but... oof

Favourite moment: the beginning of what lies beyond pt1 where he’s affectionately bullying juno into taking care of himself? cleared my crops watered my skin etc etc etc

Idea for a story: i’d love to hear more about his past as a young thief idolising buddy and vespa (i can’t actually remember if that’s canon or fanon but anyway i wanna read it!)

Unpopular opinion: i think people often cling to an image of him that more resembles his first impressions in season 1 instead of seeing the depth that we’ve been given about his character in season 3

Favourite relationship: him and juno but honestly it’s a close call between them and his budding friendship with rita. even though she learned it by accident, his name is still a point of intimacy and it’s one less secret to keep around her which has to be a weight off his shoulders, at least a little? they seem like they could be really good friends once ultrabots is out of the way. juno steel love (and also bullying) zone activates whenever they’re together

Favourite headcanon: i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - nureyev has never done a household chore in his goddamn life. he doesn’t know the water needs to be hot when you wash dishes.

RITA

First impression: honestly i’m not sure? i don’t remember having a big awareness of her in murderous mask but i remember loving her “note-taking” in prince of mars, i thought she sounded really fun and cute

Impression now: rita is really fun and cute, she’s also an extremely hardworking and dedicated woman who had the guts to throw in with a detective fired from the force and then invest all of her time and money into helping him help people.

Favourite moment: Rita Gets A Knife. enough said

Idea for a story: i don’t know honestly! i really struggle to write rita because her thought processes are so wild and i don’t think any story i could come up with would match mega ultrabots of cyberjustice.

Unpopular opinion: this shouldn’t be unpopular because juno steel himself shares this opinion but all future-jupeter headcanons are incomplete without rita also being a huge part of their lives

Favourite relationship: rita + franny 4ever obviously.. jk it’s juno & rita have you heard rita minute 3 they’re too adorable for this world. im still Soft over their conversation at the end of soul of the people when he said he couldn’t stay in hyperion anymore but he wouldn’t leave with the carte blanche if rita wasn’t coming because he was done leaving her behind, and she threw out all her hesitations on the spot and said call the big guy. speaking of, rita & jet are a close second. instant best friends i love them.

Favourite headcanon: i think this is basically canon now but rita being literally half the height of jet is so good

JET

First impression: “haha lorge funny man puts juno in the trash”

Impression now: jet sikuliaq is one of the dearest characters to me out of anything ever. he is a huge, menacing, polite, kind, sincere man who i would very much like to give me a hug. he’s the best aro ace in outer space and while being generally very levelheaded and straightforward, also takes every opportunity to fuck with juno because it’s very easy and very hilarious to him personally. he is everything my autistic acearo ass needed and i’m so glad to have him

Favourite moment: all of them every single one. him putting juno in the trash is of course a classic and every moment jet chooses to be funny makes my heart happy, but also every piece of genuine advice he gives. i’m a particular fan though of buddy recounting her years in the lighthouse and him saying he became concerned when she didn’t come downstairs at the usual time. “you took the door off its hinges.” “i was deeply concerned.” king of understatement

Idea for a story: again no spoilers for you but..... tools of rust time loop au

Unpopular opinion: this isn’t “unpopular” as much as it is unknown but jet is buddy’s queerplatonic partner and i will keep saying it until everyone believes it

Favourite relationship: jet and buddy,,, just everything about them. the way he suspects when she’s lying, the way she makes tea for him when she expects him to drop by. the fact he comes to check on her when she is 41 seconds late to the family meeting because it’s unlike her to be late and the last time she was late for something her brain was turning to radiation soup. but most especially the way she snaps at him to stay out of her business and he said he could not because he made her promise eight years ago to never stay out of the business of her health, no matter how many times she asked. they r literally in a qpr

Favourite headcanon: i don’t think this is true but i still think it would be funny if the ruby-7 used to be painted red but when jet got it he had it painted green because he Just Really Likes Green (as evidenced by his hovercycle). it’s very funny to me.

BUDDY

First impression: it’s been a minute since i relistened to time gone by but i’m pretty sure the first thing she ever says in the podcast is sliding up to depressed accidental whiskey thief juno and say “that’ll be ten million creds,” scaring the shit out of him, so needless to say i was in love instantly.

Impression now: my love for buddy aurinko has only grown and if it sounds like i already said that in this post it’s because i did about juno and it’s appropriate because the parallels are astounding. the heart of it all gave us such depth to buddy’s internal monologue and why she always sounds like she knows exactly what to say and what that’s like and honestly will i ever be over the heart of it all as an episode? unlikely. i think i’m gonna have a little piece of it in MY heart forever.

Favourite moment: everything she’s ever said is iconic as hell i especially like “in an impressive fit of hubris i’ve decided not to prepare my words for this vow” which made me laugh out loud but once again i must give it up for her iconic “I WANT TO LIVE” moment. honourable mentions to her taking rita out for ice cream and giving juno shooting lessons while she’s in her actual wedding gown. i love her

Idea for a story: buddy and vespa as sun/moon dieties.... that’s all

Unpopular opinion: stop drawing her with a fancy high-tech eye like the theia!! it canonically looks like garbage and it’s described in detail, please, i’m dying, also don’t minimise her scars you bastards

Favourite relationship: buddy and vespa invented romantic love and the entire carte blanche crew’s relationship to her is great but you know by now i’m a slut for buddy & jet out-of-this-world queerplatonic partners. the way she checks in on him during tools of rust to make sure he’s not relapsing and he comes to find her when she is 41 seconds late in the heart of it all to make sure she’s not having a heart problem!! it’s the trust,, the devotion,, the mortifying ordeal of being known

Favourite headcanon: she can sing. absolutely tears it up at karaoke. i’m right

VESPA

First impression: knife lesbian goes STAB. she will heal your wounds but she will be threatening to give you more the whole time

Impression now: she is extremely strong, heart-rendingly tender, and despite being in the older half of the carte blanche crew somehow has unmistakable little sister energy which makes her downright hilarious. i’m so glad she got to marry buddy and they’re official space wives now they’re so good for each other

Favourite moment: both from shadows in the ship, either “GUN!!” “KNIFE?!” (iconic) or when she clocks the dark matters drone pretending to be juno because it called her crazy and juno wouldn’t call her crazy. i’m always a sucker for “shapeshifter fails to fool mark because they Know Each Other Too Well” and it was just *chefs kiss* so good

Idea for a story: i really want to write something about when she was first staying at the lighthouse with buddy post-reunion, and getting to know jet and stuff. i think it would be cute

Unpopular opinion: i know vespa doesn’t canonically have lots of scarring but people who don’t draw her with scarring? cowards.

Favourite relationship: once again, although buddy and vespa invented romantic love, i just love the dynamic between vespa and juno so much. they’ve come so far with each other and their weird sibling dynamic gives me life. at the end of what lies beyond when juno says “we’re not gonna kill her, vespa” and instead of sounding full of Rage and Suspicion she’s like “whyyy notttt?” and he’s like “because i said so!” and that’s just good enough for her even if she’s a bit grumpy about it. i love it.

this took.. a hot minute to do! jshkfjsdgsa thank you dyl ily <3

[thedreadvampy]

this is kind of a Hot Take (and rlly long) so don't feel pressured to post this

also no one cancel thedreadvampy over posting this ask if she does these are my beliefs and not necessarily hers kthx

I'm honestly really uncertain why people are so militant about aphobia on this site. like obviously aphobes are Not Nice People and it's good to be against their shitty beliefs. But I've been on this site for ~5 years and I have never, in my memory, seen an aphobe (with the few exception of like. literal nazis but their main label isn't aphobe). I have seen a lot of people who were then harassed/cancelled being called aphobes in addition to a lot of other things like (homophobic, racist, abusive, etc) but as far as I bothered to figure out, the label of aphobe came from one specific phrase they used or one post they reblogged (though I can't be bothered to Deep Research so I genuinely don't know on this one).

(I have seen casual acephobia in my own personal life. however, that is not Tumblr.)

I have seen scores of posts along the lines of "aphobes are bad" "aphobes dni" etc etc.

Maybe it's just who I follow, but it seems like there's a lot more anti-aphobe sentiment than aphobes. Which is good! It's the goal! However, I think it's possible that that anti-aphobe sentiment has not become "look how few aphobes there are! yay!" it's "there are hidden aphobes all around us and you have to interrogate everyone to know who to ostracize"

You're a fairly popular figure in the mechs/tma fandoms and the thing about Tumblr is that it hates popular figures. And more than that, you're visible, so a) people will see if you answer a bunch of questions about ace things, and b) you exist in everyone's brains more than little blogs.

to be clear. to be absolutely crystal 100% clear: I am not saying that people got together and went "let's interrogate all the popular blogs so we can pretend theyre acephobic and have fun bullying people," I'm saying it's possible that what was once a positive emotion, "we don't tolerate intolerant people" has possibly, in some people, morphed into a fear that intolerant people are hiding all around them. And frankly, that fear can be understandable (not right, not kind, but understandable), especially if they face hate irl and their only outlet for emotion is tumblr. shit, Tumblr is one of my emotional outlets.

I don't think it's bad to engage with these people in good faith, or to answer questions, but I think it's possible that some of them are coming from the "intolerant people are hiding all around us and must be ferreted out" kind of perspective instead of a "hey I wanna check that this person isn't an intolerant asshole before following/supporting them" or "I want to engage with a person who may be ignorant" (I'm not attempting to imply that you're ignorant). Im not saying "not answer their questions" this is just, like, my opinion. I'm not making a lot of actionable statements here.

that's my whole Hot Take, hopefully I made some kind of sense, I just honestly feel kind of mad on your behalf that you have to go thru an interrogation to be Not Tumblr Cancelled. If people were generally having a nuanced discussion then that would be fine but you've already stated several times that ace/aspec people are valid and deserve love and respect etc etc. which as an aspec person makes me feel that your blog is safe for me, and I don't feel the need to play 20 Questions Are You Sure You Aren't An Aphobe

I don't know how much of this I entirely agree with and I refuse to think

(not about this. just in general. today I refuse to think)

my main response to this is:

a) I think my confusion is I have less than 1500 followers I think I always assumed the You Are Now A Public Figure People Have Opinions On mark had to be higher than that but this appears to have been a totally incorrect assumption

b) I don't feel like. a threat of Cancellation except inasmuch as I don't want Kofi to eventually get any kind of kickback if I turn out to be or people understand me to be a shitty person. I didn't ask for a platform or do anything to deserve it, if I get distressed it's largely just that I don't want to be a shitty person! and I have a whole thing about. I don't ever feel secure in my ability to say I'm NOT being shitty so like if enough people start saying AH RUTH THEDREADVAMPY IS A GARBAGE PERSON I definitely do stay wondering if they're right even if I think my position is morally defensible. like I'm very easy to get into a spiral of I think that's highly defensible but maybe I'm just in denial/trying to cover my ass/self-justifying so I can avoid accountability/etc. like this is a thing and it's why I'm very uncomfortable with absolutism, a lot of my family in my experience have a phenomenal capacity for denial and for rewriting reality into something they Fully Believe despite all the evidence, and so I'm really conscious of the possibility that I'm doing that and I wouldn't. know about it. it's a really really powerful subconscious force and that's been like. a big fear point for me my whole life. that I could be being a cunt and be obviously being a cunt and be so deep in denial that it just doesn't register at all. this is like. the thing I fear most. So I DO want people to tell me if I'm being a dick because the only way I can 100% know I'm not just in denial is if I can trust people to call me in, but I really, really, really struggle with when people say I'm being a dick and I disagree, not because they're harassing me necessarily but just because it really sends me into a spiral of doubting my own ability to be sure about like, anything. at all. it's a whole unreality thing which is, uh, it's MINE to deal with, it's not something I would want to put on other people, but it very much does affect my responses and I didn't mean to write this but hey, no therapy last week and it shows.

oh also c) on reflection I don't agree that there's very little aphobia on Tumblr (although as I've said I'm not ace or aro so my opinion should hold little weight) but I do think that there's a lack of give and take, not just in aphobia stuff but also in general, in these kinds of conversations, like sometimes yeah people are actively hateful but I don't think there's any room for misunderstanding, poor phrasing, or questioning, and I understand that that's coming from a really genuine place of pain and devaluation of aro/ace experiences but I also think people jump straight to assuming active malice very fast, and often explicitly consider "actively not stating an opinion" to be an offence on the level of "actively staying a harmful opinion," which I think is unhelpful. like. we learn by listening, there are times in my life where I would have been lying at the time to agree unconditionally with something like "I think we should believe survivors" (I was a 2000s teen who hung out with 4channers) but I also was conscious of the harm that it would do to publicly debate from the perspective that No We Shouldn't Believe Survivors, so you know I waited and I listened and I thought about it and ultimately I came to a position I could say with my chest. but like. The online social more that you Have to have an opinion and I Have to hear it to prove that you have the Right opinion is. uncomfortable to me to say the least. I don't think it gives you much room to learn and improve, especially given that everything on the internet is permanent and often treated as if it forever reflects your current beliefs. like I have changed my opinions So Much since I was 16 and if someone went back through a tag on my blog to Prove My Bad Opinions they could paint pretty much any picture they wanted with 12 years of changing opinions.

anyway yeah like. no I don't fully agree with this ask but I appreciate the alternate perspective. I also did not mean to write another wall of text I'm just very much In A Brain Hole today and sometimes words Just Happen.

[theoreticslut]

Fic Review please! 📚 it’s called “Charlie’s Person Looking Friend” on AO3. It’s about Charlie Weasley going through his years of Hogwarts making friends and discovering he’s Ace/Aro and him having autism. It’s not long but it’s jam packed with heart!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22061044/chapters/52649431

First off, such a good story!! I think the title is so clever! I was honestly so confused about it at first, but after reading it it makes a lot more sense and it so cool! Titles are one of those things where it needs to be good and clever, but still make sense to the story which yours does perfectly!

Into the review - I noticed there were two chapters of it and I wasn’t completely sure if you wanted me to read both, but I did anyways so this is kinda broken down into reviews on part 1 and part 2 of it if that’s alright? Whenever you see the “Keep reading/More” just click on it! This got really long 😅

Chapter 1

For all his trouble to get his hair down to chin-level, this is where it had landed him. He was now stuck in a cold boy’s bathroom, missing potions class, with a comb buried and broken in his hair.

poor baby. I understand the struggle all too well but the way you wrote everything was so good! I definitely could understand his frustration even if I haven’t experienced it myself. I also love the way you wrote him feeling out of place! I just felt like I could understand exactly how he was feeling.

“We will fix it, and you can be on your way in no time, okay? No worries.”

this interaction with Blue was so pure 💗 it made my little heart ache and I couldn’t help but smile. I love how gentle they are with Charlie.

Charlie was always taught not to trust Slytherins. He'd heard the horror stories from Bill and his parents. But he wasn’t going to get out of this by himself. There was no way he was going to try to find Bill with that thing hanging off his hair, scraping at his neck.

While it made me sad that Charlie felt he couldn’t go to his brother, I do completely understand it. I also love that Charlie, even though apprehensive, still decided to trust Blue. I think it really goes to show just how comfortable he is with them from the very beginning.

I also really love the entire interaction/scene between Charlie and blue as they introduce him to their hair care products/accessories. I thought it was just so easy-going and sweet and really captured what it’s like when you’re making a new friend, especially one that you already feel comfortable with.

Charlie blinked, wondering why he was telling Blue all of this and why it felt so easy. Surely he should be telling Bill all of this? Writing to his parents? It what they said to do if he had a problem. He had no idea why telling Blue felt more okay.

I loved this part! It made me so happy that Charlie was opening up to someone and feeling comfortable about it. I also really liked how you wrote the confusion it causes too. I’ve definitely experienced talking to someone new and just feeling like I could talk to them about anything and it would be fine but wondering why it was so easy. You would think it would be easier to tell people you know and trust, but that’s not always the case and you just got it down perfectly.

“You seem to not have enough hair for a proper braid right now, but I could try to get those bangs out of your face for a bit,” Blue said, holding up the other dragon clips.

“My family was never big on braids having only one girl.”

“Oh nonsense, as long as the hair is well, long, braids can be worn by anybody. Come on I will teach you!”

Ugh!! I loved this bit of interaction so much! I love that Blue gives Charlie the dragon hair clips, I love that blue teaches Charlie how to braid, and I love that Charlie is just so excited about it all! It just makes me so happy all around ☺️💗

“I was out makin' a friend” Charlie explained, “it’s a person-looking one this time Bill, I promise. Mum told me to make those while I was here.”

Charlie baby 💗 you’re too cute and pure! I love this statement so much, you have no idea! I really just don’t know how else to say it except that I love it! It’s just perfect for the story and said at just the right time. It’s just a really great line!

Charlie felt marginally worse after talking with Bill than after talking to Blue. He never liked being scolded, and it seemed to bother him more than it ever did Bill or Percy.

🥺 ; Charlie deserves to be happy and not feel so terrible for just doing what he pleases. He never purposefully does anything wrong, nor does he really do anything wrong, and yet he’s just constantly feeling like he’s done something wrong and it’s so unfair to him.

One of his roommates Ben Copper...

is this inspired by hogwarts mystery by any chance? That’s the only place I’ve ever seen the name Ben copper and ngl it made me excited when I read that!! Even though he’s scared of a lot I feel like he’s such an amazing character!! If it’s not just ignore this bit!

“You’re right, I’m sorry. That would be awful. Your boots are really cool.” He said smiling down at her black leather boots, little bracelet charms attached to the laces which Charlie sat down to touch.

“Thanks, I like your clips, very punk rock.”

“Really? Cool! I liked them for the dragons, but my brother said they were kinda girly.”

“Punk rock can be girly too, but I think they suit you just fine.” She said, grinning at him. Charlie grinned back, sitting on the floor next to the pink-haired Hufflepuff.

lil excited Charlie is back and I am in love! Something about him getting excited and intrigued over the littlest things just makes me so happy! Not to mention how awesome Tonks is and how easily Charlie decides he wants to be friends with her as well! I’m very happy for Charlie that he’s making friends!!

But if Charlie's new friend was Ted and Andromeda Tonks' daughter, Bill guessed he had nothing to worry about.

===

Bill had something to worry about.

This made me chuckle. I love when people always think everything is fine and then it’s not fine. I also just thought it was written really cute 💗

...but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Charlie looked so happy. Bill never realized how unhappy he was before this friendship started. So Bill stopped trying to scold him, stopped trying to take care of Charlie how he thought he should.

love that bill is realizing he doesn’t have to be a full-in parent for Charlie anymore!! I know that’s the default setting when you’re the oldest child, but it comes to a point where you just need to be an older sibling instead of a parent and I’m glad Bill is finally doing that!!

Charlie also talked to Bill more, telling him in a big, happy rant what Tonks and he did that day.

Yay!! Sibling relationship healing a little! 💗

He didn’t talk about how his little makeovers happened, but those days Charlie was happiest.

awee Bill is noticing (sort of) what makes his brother happy and is accepting of it ☺️💗 I love that so much!! I love that Charlie is happier and finding himself and I love that Bill is just letting him figure it out for himself!

Bill was usually anything but unobservant so it surprised him he had taken so long to realize any of this. After that small revelation Bill started to pay attention to anything and everything about Charlie. Bill worried if he missed what made Charlie so happy aside from the obvious—dragons— what else could he have missed over the years of trying to wrangle all of his other siblings?

again, I completely understand what it’s like being an older sibling but Bill is doing such a good job at the moment!! Charlie definitely just needs someone to be there and give him attention and not only does he have Blue, but now he’s got his brother doing it too and I think that’s amazing!!

Charlie’s fear wasn’t for nothing. Going home for Christmas break only solidified his need for Blue and their space together. He was glad to be home, but the way he felt with Blue, and even Tonks and now Bill, was a stark difference from how he felt at the Burrow. He didn’t want to feel this way.

It makes me sad that Charlie doesn’t feel his best at home, but I know not everyone does. I just love how you’ve written it to make it so well known. I also love the fact that Charlie at least had one place he’s comfortable, even though it’s the people he keeps company with that make it comfortable.

“Mum” Charlie whined “it’s not like that. Her name is Tonks, and she’s my friend.”

“I’m sure she’s just a friend now, but we’ll see how you feel when you get older, huh?”

“There’s nothin' ‘just’ about it!” Charlie was raising his voice now, clearly angry. “She’s my friend. She’s important to me. Why do you act like friends don’t matter as much?”

such a well written section!! I love the writing and I love the conversation. It’s relatable yet powerful all at the same time. My family used to tease me all the time (still do a bit) whenever I made friends with a guy and we were close. It’s beyond frustrating and it just embarrassed me when there’s no need for it. So I love how you managed to get that across in the story so well!!

“Oh, Charlie” Bill sighed, closing the door slowly so it didn’t squeak too much.

“It’s not fair!” The little blanket lump said, the sound of little feet and fists repeatedly banging harshly against the wood floor. “It’s MY hair! What’s so bad about it?!”

“There’s nothin' bad about it,” Bill said, crouching next to Charlie and snuggling him so he didn't hurt his hands. “Mum just thinks certain ways about what boy’s hair should look like is all.”

whether Bill came looking for Charlie because he was actually worried and wanted to see how he was or if he just did so because he felt he had to being the older brother doesn’t really matter. I love that Bill was so caring of Charlie either way. I love that he’s so physically affectionate with him to comfort him. I also like how he tries to explain their mother’s side (not saying it’s right) but I just like that he’s not taking sides per se, just explaining to Charlie that it isn’t him that’s the problem. It’s just their mother’s mindset.

“You know what? We can pack that hair growth potion dad has. The one he used when Fred blew his eyebrows off.”

“Really?” Charlie gasped, looking up at Bill. He could see little hair locks of what was left of Charlie’s bangs popping out of his bundle. Bill held out his hands and Charlie crawled in his lap, blankets coming with.

“Yes, really,” Bill said rubbing his back. Charlie's little arms holding onto Bill for dear life.

ugh brotherly love 💗 this makes me so happy. I think it’s so well written and the imagery is just perfection!!

“And you know what? I’ll grow my hair out too. She’ll have to reckon with the both of us.”

yay Bill!! Such a good brother standing up beside your younger brother for something that makes him happy. Empower him and make him feel confident in who he is and what he likes! 💗💗

He didn’t fully understand Charlie, but Bill was starting to realize he didn’t have to. All he had to do was be there and let Charlie be Charlie.

Ugh!! This was so lovely! I just love how you wrote it. How even though he doesn’t fully understand he doesn’t have to. That’s not the point in any of it. Just being accepting and supportive is all that is needed. I feel like more people need to realize that. It doesn’t matter what you think about someone else or if you understand them. You aren’t them, are you? Just be respectful and try to be accepting please.

Chapter 2

Bill also started to get Charlie beauty related things for Christmas and his birthday.

awee yay!! ☺️💗💗

Charlie’s face when he opened Bill’s present, opened last at Bill`s request, made the tedious muggle money exchange and trip all the more worth it.

I love gift-giving! This completely described why too! Seeing the other person smile is just so worth it!!

Bill let out an ‘ouff’ as Charlie hugged him, snuggling into his chest.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Charlie squealed, “Bill! You’re the best!”

Bill chuckled, surprised at the hug as Charlie didn’t like contact often.

Bill is getting so much better with Charlie and it makes me so happy!! He’s standing up for him, giving him his attention, and he’s actually putting forth effort into their relationship!! All of it just makes my heart so happy! I honestly smiled so much as I read this bit!

Tonks and Blue also gave Charlie Christmas presents that year.

I don’t want to keep quoting so much of your story so the description will just be really long on this one; 1st - it makes me soooo happy that Charlie has two good friends now!! He’s happy and can share himself with people and it’s just absolutely amazing!! 2nd - both of them had such thoughtful gifts!!! I thought it was amazing and each was so them! Like it relates to their friendship with Charlie instead of being just some standard, “we’re friends and I love you” gift.

He watched carefully as Blue opened his gift to them. They pulled out the necklace Charlie had made, the matching earrings sitting next to it.

“The stones are from the stream near my house,” Charlie said.

“You made these?” Blue gasped and looked at the jewelry with a new reverence.

Charlie you sweet boy 💗 I think you just made Blue’s day with your gift and I couldn’t be happier. I love that he handmade the jewelry for them and put so much thought into it. It really shows how good of friends they are and it’s just so so so good!! Along with that, I LOVE blue’s rant after Charlie is dissing his gift to them because it’s “not nearly as expensive”  like I’m so glad they told Charlie how it is and how the price doesn’t matter but the thought of it does!! Just so well-written! 💗💗💗

“You’re my best friend Charlie.” They felt Charlie relax and chuckled, tilting his chin up. “No romance here. I am still aromantic asexual after all.”

I LOVE that you went into detail about what aromatic and asexual mean!! I feel like the way you did so was easy to understand and how it was just so casual. I hate to say that I’m not fully clear on everything regarding LGTBQ+ but reading the way you wrote this explanation helped A LOT and I didn’t feel dumb or embarrassed for not completely knowing it. So thank you for doing that!! I appreciate it so much and again it is just really well written!!

“They worked at themselves a lot. They were not always the best listeners, but they had kids and they forced themselves to learn to listen, be patient, and just be there. But I had to do work on my part too. If something was bothering me I told them. I had to realize they were humans too, and humans can be wrong. That was my part: telling them when I had an issue. It was their part to listen, and then try to do something about it together.

& this part!! Thank you for this! I love that you included it’s a two way street to understanding and acceptance. You can’t just expect people to know everything right away regardless of the topic and I like how you put it; My part is to say when I had an issue(but still realizing that they’re humans too), their part is to listen and then try to do something. I just really love how you put all of this in there. That it is an effort on both parties.

“I said my mum’s and I did research together when I came out right? Well, they do not bug around when researching something to do with their kids. I have whole books on this kind of stuff. I am a walking encyclopedia at this point.”

“Books sound nice. Do you think I could borrow them?”

I love this. I love it so much. I love the dynamic between Charlie and blue, I love how you’ve written everything, I love all the explaining you do. I just love this.

Overall, I am in love with this story. Thank you so much for requesting it to me. I’m not normally on ao3 (because I’m just very confused by it’s set up) but I’m very glad I got to read this!!

Like I said, I love how you explain everything. It’s clear enough to understand but it’s also not forced like what I usually see or hear. I like that you just state it as it is. I also love that the tone you seem to carry is that all you can do is educate others and hope they learn. I’m really not trying to be rude, but it seems like any time I’ve talked to anyone LGTBQ+  they expect me to know everything about them right off which is really annoying because I don’t even know everything about myself yet. So I really really like that you don’t seem angry or upset that people don’t necessarily know everything. It just really nice to have it explained calmly and not in a tone of judgement.

While there are times when the way you’ve written things (more like the descriptions/imagery/background info) is a little confusing, it’s not to the point where I can’t figure out what you’re saying. I feel like every writer has times where we know what we’re saying but we just can’t get it across clearly. I’m also just a bit tired while reading this so it could just very well be my own head not comprehending.

Either way, this was an amazing story!! Thank you again for requesting it to me ☺️ I love the way you’ve written everything and how you explain things well. I also like that it focuses on Charlie and has Bill as the main sibling in it because I don’t think I’ve ever really seen anything with Charlie besides being a very small part of it. It’s upsetting because he is one of their siblings. even though he’s in Romania, you can still write about him.

Anyways, I’ll stop rambling now. I really like this fic and I’m really glad you sent it to me! Thank you again ☺️💗

[ckret2]

idk if someone actually finally sent this ask but i'mma do it since it seems people are dancing around it: if you're comfortable with it, may we have some radiosnake sexual headcanons (wherein alastor is not sexually repulsed or is demisexual/grey-ace ofc)?? love, a very happy demisexual who just finished a cold day in hell literally two minutes ago

You win the prize for "actually has the courage to directly ask for sexual headcanons" because no, nobody else has asked yet. Sorry for taking so long to answer it but like... the answer is over 2000 words. Have fun.

Now, anon, I've got something important you should know.

When I brainstorm radiosnake stuff, there's a little chatroom I do it in. What happens is, a lot of times, I'll come up with a scene or a scenario or a plot arc, and I'll describe it to that chat. And then, every once in a while, I'll say, "... and then here's how that same thing goes over in the parallel universe where Alastor Fucks." I have. A looot of little ideas set in the parallel universe where Alastor Fucks.

(He's still somewhere on the ace spectrum in all those ideas—either he's demi or else he's sex-neutral/sex-positive ace, depending on the idea—but he does Fuck.)

However, 1) a majority of these ideas are very clearly set specifically in CDIH's verse, and so I don't wanna share them as broad "radiosnake headcanons" when they're tied to one specific fanfic; and 2) a lot of them are angsty, and if you're asking for general headcanons then I'm assuming what you probably want is them actually having a good time rather than several decades of self-induced suffering over unrequited desire. So if you want CDIH-specific stuff and/or angsty stuff (or, more likely, CDIH-specific angsty stuff), hit me up again and I'll share some more stuff. For now, I'll talk about more general non-angsty headcanons.

Okay so most of this answer is geared toward Alastor's perspective since it's like, it's the more interesting one to me in this context, he's the one gradually figuring stuff out while Sir Pent's hanging out being allo with over a century of having his sexuality sorted out.

So that you know what kinda headcanons I'm rolling with here: there's, like, several ways I can conceptualize Alastor's orientation in my head, and they're sorta ranked by how "true" they are to me. Not "true" as in "how canon I think they are," but "true" as in, like, what Feels the Most Right to me.

The #1 Most True version of Alastor in my head is 100% ace/aro. He's not "repulsed" by sex (or romance, for that matter) in the sense of "disgusted/horrified/never ever wants to hear about it," but he, like, has absolutely zero interest in DOING it. He's not repulsed by the subject but he is by most touch, including the kind of touching necessary for sex. Might have some, like, academic curiosity about sex & romance, might enjoy it in a fictional context simply for the drama it adds to a story, but has no desire to be a participant. He can listen to a friend talk about their sexual escapades in graphic detail for an hour without an ounce of discomfort but if they offer him a quick peck on the lips he goes "I'm out." He might have sex Once just to see what it's like/just to say he has and that’s where his curiosity ends.

So that's my mental Most True Version Of Alastor.

The SECOND most true version of Alastor is like, the exact same as that, except he's just barely demiromantic enough that he might, once, fall in love. The odds of him falling in love are the same as someone's odds of winning the lottery. This is the version of Alastor I use in CDIH and other radiosnake fics, where Sir Pentious happens to have been lucky enough to win the lottery, but also, it took fifteen years before it happened. Alastor's feelings about touch & sex are the same, EXCEPT that whoever he loves is excluded from the Touch Is Unpleasant rule, which opens up a few more possibilities.

And I've got more mental versions of Alastor but that's as far as we need to go to be relevant to this post.

So given the above: Alastor's natural internal pool of Enjoyable Physical Activities that he would be autonomously inclined to want to try with Sir Pentious is broader than "nothing at all" but stops short of actual sex. More like sensual activities.

The not-necessarily-sexual sensual things that are obviously & immediately available on Alastor’s Selectable Menu Of Romantic Physical Activities are gonna be things like:

--Cuddles! We're starting as vanilla as possible, folks. Cuddling and sleeping in bed together. 95% naked cuddles are acceptable, although Alastor is inclined to keep his underpants on. Moving to "underpants" from "underpants AND undershirt" is a Notable Intimacy Milestone for him because like Back In His Day undershirts were part of the required underwear, so to him that's taking off 50% of his underwear. It's like switching from loose boxers to a thong. On the other hand Sir Pent is just, totally nude, because look at him he already isn't wearing any pants, he's got nothing to hide.

--Massage! Neither one of them is any sort of professional but tbh on a scale of 1 to 10 a massage can be as bad as a 3 and still be enjoyable y'know? Alastor tends to offer if he notices Sir Pent is sore and/or if Alastor has decided he's gonna be in Extreme Over-The-Top Performatively* Romantic Mode tonight. He always sort of forgets that the option of being massaged exists until Sir Pent offers it in return, because, like, he thinks of himself as a floating radio voice with an inconvenient meat puppet attached, sometimes he forgets that the meat puppet can be pampered too. And then he sits there in a blissed-out daze while Sir Pent goes holy crap your shoulders are like oak, how have you not snapped your own spine with tension yet.

(*Note here when I say Alastor can get "performatively" romantic I don't mean "going through the motions but isn't feeling the love"; I mean that, like, basically NO romantic gestures come naturally to him because he just isn't feeling the gestures even though he's definitely feeling the love. He's sort of figuring out How To Perform Romance As An Action by drawing on how he's seen it done in books/movies/etc. and picking & choosing the things that seem most fun to him to do. So in a sense he is performing a role that he's conscious of when he interacts with Sir Pent romantically, but that's because "performing a role" is how Mr. Perpetual Radio Host approaches all of life—and he's only performing this one because he genuinely wants to and because he's enjoying it.)

--Body worship! Alastor is really deeply squicked out by touching someone's skin/hair/fur but on the other hand (and maybe specifically because it avoids the squick) he is really deeply fascinated by Sir Pentious's scales, which feel Not At All Like Mammal Skin. He also still does the "??? oh right, I have a body too" thing when Sir Pent returns the attention—but Alastor's like, okay, I’m obviously more familiar with my own body than Sir Pent is, I don’t find my body that interesting but it must still be interesting to Sir Pent.

--Showering together! Sir Pent has figured out that if he starts singing in the shower there is a 99% chance that Alastor will trip over his own pants trying to simultaneously strip down and run to the bathroom so that he can join in on SHOWER DUET TIME. Frankly it's a lot safer to just go "hey I'm about to take a shower, wanna join?" but sometimes he doesn't just to see how fast Alastor shows up.

--Kissing! Making out is completely and always an option. Three of Alastor's most defining character traits are being a radio host (which kind of reduces a person to their voice), his perpetual smile, and his cannibalism. Like 80% of this dude's existence revolves around his mouth. He's absolutely got some kind of oral fixation. He gets into making out—as long as it's with the right person. There is exactly one right person. Sir Pent is okay with this.

Other enjoyable mouth activities:

- Kissing places other than the mouth

- Being kissed in places other than the mouth

- Biting

- Being bitten

And there's the overall list of non-sexual sensual activities that Alastor is into!

... And then eventually at some point Sir Pent is like "no pressure but hhhhypothetically sssspeaking are there possibly any sexual activities you might be interested in trying out" and Alastor is like "What? Oh! Right! Actually forgot sex existed for a bit. Yeah sure fine let’s try it." And that's the point at which they start experimenting with activities beyond Alastor's default activities!

Despite just about everything else with mouths being good, things Alastor is NOT into:

- Blowjobs

They did try. It seemed like a logical starting point. Alastor was like "I've liked putting my mouth everywhere else on this snake, it stands to reason I'll like putting it there too!" He got himself psyched up. He faced down The Dicks. He went, hmm. He stuck his tongue out and poked one.

He went "Yeah this isn't happening."

And Sir Pent went "Honestly you've already surpassed my wildest dreams just by getting that far."

They tried it the other way around too and Alastor went "Yyyye... hmmm... nnnnnooo no, no, don't think so. Not into that at all."

And it took him all of five seconds to reject the mere possibility of ever trying rimming, and the only reason it took that long to reject is because first Sir Pent had to explain what that is.

But everything else with mouths is great! Like. Everything. Sir Pent could go "can you lick my eyeball" and Alastor would go "which one? :)" (Sir Pent would probably not ask for this. But the point is he could.)

Figuring out Alastor's acceptable/enjoyable sex acts was a lot of experimentation like the above with BJs. And what they figured out is: he doesn't want his junk touched. Like. At all. In any context. Which, you know, understandably cuts down on nearly all the sexual options out there. But that’s the hard line: no touching his dick and no touching his butthole. Even if he, like, actively has a raging boner.

(Fun fact that I actually had to do research on, because despite being ace I did not know this due to the fact that I don't have a dick: if you are ace and have a dick there's good odds you'll still pop a boner in sexual situations, even if you have zero interest in what you’re looking at or participating in it. It's like something in your crotch goes "oh! Oh! A naked butt! I know what to do here! We got training for this! Time to ready the cannon!" and something in your brain goes "why the hell are you readying the cannon, we are absolutely not going to use the cannon, the cannon is a major inconvenience here" and the something in your crotch goes "listen, pal, I'm just following my orders. I don't tell you how to do your job, don't tell me how to do mine." The tl;dr here is that when Alastor is experimenting with Sir Pent, he could be completely bored out of his mind and still get a boner because biology is funky like that.)

The first few times this happens Sir Pent goes "are you sure you don't want me to, y'know, give you a handjob or something?? I feel like an inconsiderate jerk not helping out" and Alastor goes "absolutely not" and Sir Pent goes well okay I've made a career out of being an inconsiderate jerk, I guess I can do it in the bedroom too.

What they do manage to gradually figure out is that Alastor is perfectly fine with touching Sir Pent's junk, as long as it's not with his own junk or with his mouth. So hand jobs? Totally fair game. Letting Sir Pent grind against his thigh or abdomen? No problems with that. (Alastor flopped on his stomach going "this really does it for you??" and Sir Pent rubbing in Alastor's tail fur going "... yes." and Alastor is like, "wow. wild.")

More than that, Alastor gradually starts to figure out he likes that. Not necessarily the sensation of having a couple of dicks rubbing on his thigh—that's just sorta weird and probably always will be—but the knowledge of what it's doing to Sir Pent. He likes knowing he's giving Sir Pentious pleasure. He likes hearing him gasp and seeing him writhe and knowing that it's because Sir Pent wants Alastor and that Alastor has the power to give him exactly what he wants. He likes hearing Sir Pent hissing his name and little praises and one-word requests. ("Alastor’s existence revolves around mouths” includes sounds coming out of mouths, he gets more out of words and little noises than he does out of sight & touch combined.)

They figure out that what Alastor enjoys doing best is spooning Sir Pent from behind, wrapped around him to jerk him off. In bed or in the shower or even sitting with Sir Pent in his lap or between his legs. Alastor can put his chin on Sir Pentious's shoulder to listen to the sounds he makes and watch how his long long body moves, he can wrap his free arm around his waist and feel how he tenses and relaxes and squirms, they can kiss (and/or bite, biting is nice) with a little bit of careful positioning...

Also it's easier for Alastor to quietly sing to him from there.

... Alastor sings during sex. For the record. The first time he does it it's a nervous "I don't know what I'm supposed to be saying and it seems too quiet—oh I've got a solution" but soon it's just. A thing he does. Sir Pent gradually goes from "what? seriously? this is what you're doing?" to "lmao you dork" to "well I guess I now have a new kink I will never be able to get rid of, thanks." Sometimes he'll shakily sing along and Alastor's guts will melt into warm goo.

So there's a general overview of the more, like, normal stuff they get up to. Considering that their shared hobbies include things like "murder" and "being better than everyone else" and one of them is a cannibal, I'm sure that once they get down the basics they just get weirder. Copious amounts of blood get involved! Not their own blood. Other people's. 

[dwindlingashesburnt]

This is for Nonbinary November, I'll reblog this post with a link to the person who came up with this ask game and with a link to the blog I mention in a later question

1) Which labels do you use? I use nonbinary, trans, agender. I also use aroace but that's not really relevant to this month!

2) What are your pronouns? Honestly who knows. I use they/them, I MAY be interested in xe/xem but I don't know yet because I haven't been able to convince anyone to use those pronouns for me when I'm fine with they/them - it's possible the first time I heard someone refer to me as "xe" I'd realise I hate it. Or, realise I love it. Anyway rn I use they/them

3) How old were you when you came out to yourself as nonbinary? 15 or 16? I think 16

4) What's one thing you'd like to tell your younger self? hey I know you don't think you like yourself rn but I promise that's not true, you're okay, and when you figure out the real reason you're uncomfortable everything will make so much more sense. You'll be okay, there's nothing wrong with the situation or with you

5) is there a myth about nonbinary people that annoys you the most? Okay. As an agender person I would be part of the party benefiting from this I guess, but a lot of people seem to assume that there's only three genders: male, female, and agender. And that nonbinary is just a synonym for agender. This is obviously incorrect and even though I'm kind of mildly, guiltily glad that I'm not among the nonbinary people omitted by this assumption, it still pisses me off immensely because it's so dumb and it's just further bigotry and bullshit. Luckily this is one myth that seems to be almost entirely due to lack of knowledge rather than actual malicious intent!

6) is there a nonbinary celebrity you look up to? Nope, celebrities don't exist as far as I'm concerned.

7) if you're out, how did you come out? I'm out to my friends - I came out via a rambling, thinking aloud monologue to one friend then to all of them in a more coherent but still rambling announcement during a chat. I am also out to two of my family members but I honest to goodness can't remember how I came out - I do remember one hysterical conversation with my dad in which I was irrationally convinced he wouldn't love me anymore if I changed my name; I hope to fuck that's not how I came out to my dad and brother

8) is there a gender-related pun you like? Nah. I like all the misplaced my gender and traded my gender for x jokes though

9) Do you have friends who identify as nonbinary, too? Nope! Most of my friends are cis, a minority are binary trans people. I wish I had fellow enby friends

10) Do you have a favourite lgbt+ character? Are we talking canon or fanon? I love Crowley and Aziraphale because we can dump a whole lot of lgbt+ stuff on them: aro and or ace, gay, bi/pan, male, trans, nonbinary/genderweird....I also like some takes on nonbinary Beezlebub, but only some. Specifically the ones where they're not particularly evil/malicious but are most definitely a dick, because that feels very humanizing somehow which is nice.

11) Lgbt, lgbt+, lgbtqa+...which one do you tend to use? The last one, though if I'm tired and I've already used that once in convo I'll use lgbt after because it's less effort to say/type and they know what I mean

12) how do you explain the term "nonbinary" to people who have no idea what it means? Badly! With a lot of "um" and "uh" and eventually saying "well it's when you're not 100% male OR 100% female only"

13) Tell us a fun fact about yourself! (Gender-related or random) I used to be able to understand French and German pretty well but lost this a few years after leaving primary school

14) How did you find your name? I found my name several years before I even realised I was nonbinary. I was using a baby names website to look at potential names for a story I wanted to write, and was looking at unisex names "because it's more convenient cos then I don't need to change it if the character's a girl or a boy". Sure mate, sure, whatever you need to tell yourself

15) If you're in a relationship...? N/A

16) Do you prefer partner, datemate, significant other, something else? I like all of those? SO is a bit long to say though and datemate feels very playful, I think I'd say that to tease my partner if I had one but not seriously. So. Partner

17) A piece of advice for questioning kids? If you're really stuck, start in very broad categories and look at what you're NOT, then gradually close in on what you are. Like, do you identify as male? Do you identify as female? Work from there in more detail eg if your answer to female is "no" and male is "wobbly hand gesture" then you can either say hey, good enough, or start looking at smaller labels and stuff

18) Which flag(s) do you use? To be honest I mostly just use the aro flag, on the basis that being ace doesn't feel that big a part of my identity, being agender feels like too much of a given to celebrate/take pride in, but the aromantic flag is very pretty

19) Any tips for bad days? Take care of yourself, fall back on your support network, see if there's any small thing you can do that will help boost your confidence

20) Do you have a favorite nonbinary blog on tumblr? Not sure if it counts but I love the corvidwritingprompts blog because the prompts are inspiring and hilarious, and I love the normalisation of neopronouns and nonbinary people

21) Feminine, masculine, androgynous...or none of those things? I'm comfortable with long-ish hair but tend to aim at more masculine-androgynous clothing to try and balance out any chance of people happily assuming I'm a woman. I love button-ups

22) What are your three favourite things about yourself? I have very nice, straight shoulder length hair which I love because it's pretty, I personally think it's pretty androgynous, and I don't really have to do anything to make it look good. I like that I'm a person who likes making things and doing things to show people I like them. I like that I'm a pretty fucking average height, it's much nicer than when I was tallest in my year, and I am also generally happy with my height it's good

[moonlights-shadow-warrior]

Hi, I’ve been following you for a hot minute and wanted to ask about how you define your asexuality and gray-romanticness. I am a poly/pan trans-guy trying to wrap my head around it and from your posts you always seem super nice and down to earth. Sorry if this is a weird question ^~^’

Ngl your ask did catch me off guard, although that was mostly due to the fact that a) I never get asks, and b) I rarely post my own stuff or comment on others’ posts so the fact that you said I seem nice and down to earth ‘cause of my posts threw me for a bit of a loop. Sweet though, and I’m glad I come off that way even though my blog is really just a mishmash of things I like and that catch me eye

Now as for your question

TL:DR Defining my asexuality means I don’t feel sexual attraction towards others (never have in my almost 23 years of life) and it honestly kinda confuses me simply because it’s something I’ve never experienced before and when others talk about it I just don’t get it

As for my greyromanticism, it’s more a transitional term as over the years I went from having loads and loads of crushes (I think) as a kid to now where I haven’t had a crush for multiple years as I move closer and closer to being aro ‘cause of some trauma that happened in my life. Same trauma is part of why gender does make a difference in my attraction now

Gonna start this off with some backstory saying I used to identify as bisexual, then pansexual, ‘cause I’d never heard of asexuality before and gender didn’t really play a part in my like for someone. And from the terms I knew, those seemed like the obvious choice at the time. But I also didn’t really,,, get it when some of my friends talked about how hot a person was or their list of actors they wanted to bone (and just celebrity crushes in general now that I think about it, although that could’ve very easily been due to the fact I can’t for the life of me remember who’s who in the realm of Hollywood). I’d just sorta nod along and listen ‘cause hey, people are different and just ‘cause we’re both pan doesn’t mean our experiences are exactly the same

Now at this time I was reading a lot—and I mean a lot—of fanfics ‘cause of escapism and all that jazz. And in one fic I came across there was a character—my favorite character—that was ace. When it got mentioned I didn’t think much of it ‘cause it was just ‘oh cool new term I haven’t heard before’. But then it was explained not only what asexuality was, but also what sexual and romantic attraction were—with examples for each of them—and how they didn’t always line up for some people. And it just

Clicked

I did a bit more research on it, reading things that other aces had posted talking about being ace, and it felt like it just fit me

It’s probably been close to 7 years since I last read that fic, but it was explained something like this

Have you ever looked at someone and wanted to fool around with them, maybe take a tumble in the sheets, but would never want to date them? That’s sexual attraction

And have you ever looked at someone and had your heart flutter and just wanted to go on dates and maybe kiss them but you wouldn’t describe them as sexy and the thought of having sex with them either didn’t cross your mind or made your stomach turn? Romantic attraction

And feeling the latter without the former? Well you might just be ace

Of course this isn’t a universal thing for those under the ace umbrella, but it worked for me and helped me realize something about myself

I don’t feel sexual attraction, which was why all those times my friends talked about how sexy someone was or who was on their f list, it felt like a foreign concept to me and the most I could say to relate was “well they are cute”

As for my greyromanticism, that one’s not as clear cut. Also cw for bad parenting and divorce/bad breakups basically idk

Like I said above, I used to get a lot of crushes as a kid. Looking back, were they all actually crushes or just me thinking a person looked cute? Who knows, but I’m pretty sure there were some

Walking in late only to see the new kid sitting there and immediately my heart rate picked up and I had trouble looking directly at them without blushing? Then picking up an instrument that they played just to try and be seated next to them in band class even though I had no idea what I was doing and had barely talked to them before?

Crush

Get partnered with someone for one assignment and then always trying to sneak glances at them out of the corner of my eye and it just so happens that they ended up in a lot of my photos of my middle school DC field trip?

Crush

Playing spin the faygo just for the chance to make out with one person ‘cause they’re hella cute and within an hour of knowing each other we immediately linked hands and threaded our fingers together while walking around?

Crush

Just as a few examples. Also I was shy and didn’t know how to socialize, which didn’t help at all in the creepiness factor

Now could some of my crushes have actually been just me becoming attached to someone who was nice to me one (1) time? Maybe, who knows, not me

Like I said above, me identifying as greyro is more transitional as I move closer and closer to identifying as aromantic ‘cause of trauma. Was I actually always arospec but just hadn’t heard of the terms like with asexuality? I don’t know because only after everything did I come across the term and my memory is so poor that I can’t properly recall the feelings I experienced. Even the above may not be accurate because my memory’s so spotty and my mind likes to insert things that never actually happened or are wildly different from what everyone else remembers

Which sucks but I digress

So that trauma I keep mentioning. As a child that had to deal with a rough divorce, it can bring on a whole slew of issues, some of which relate to relationships. I called my parents’ divorce almost a decade before it actually happened, and watching it go downhill to the point they could barely stand to be in the same room was rough. Not only that, but I had to give relationship advice to my father, from saying that he should go through with the divorce to giving my opinion on who he should date and if he should break it off or power through a rough spot or not come home for the night. Needless to say, all that warped my perception just a bit

And while that was happening, I had to deal with my own rocky high school relationships

While I haven’t dated a lot of people, a lot of the breakups were bad. Maybe not bad right away and we’d continue on being friends afterwards, but down the line something would happen where they’d either drop all contact or blow up at me without me knowing why or realizing something was off in the first place. And paired with the after effects of the divorce, it was a bad combination

But the golden lining was a breakup so terrible that it caused my datemate to hallucinate and go into such a depressive state that I’m pretty sure the after effects still influence how they act today when it comes to relationships. The four of us talked about moving in together, having a double wedding and all that. But then one left out of the blue and the other became harder and harder to contact until there was no response. And that all happened less than a month after I finally ran away from all the bs of the divorce and my father asking for relationship advice and being dropped so suddenly after what I thought was a good breakup

And after that I can only pinpoint 2 maybe crushes around the same time less than a year later

So yeah, traumatic

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, because I hadn’t heard of the term

But even then I told my datemate that if we broke up I will never be in another romantic relationship after them because of everything. Because I didn’t really believe in love anymore

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, even when I had heard of the term

I thought, nah, that’s not me, because I still thought I had crushes, as few and far between as they were. Because I didn’t know there were other kinds of attraction

And then my datemate asked if I had a crush on this one person, and I said no, and I realized that was the truth. I hadn’t had a crush on them. I wanted to hold their hand and cuddle and maybe give light pecks, protect them as best I could, but it wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t the same feelings as what I remember feeling in my childhood, what I feel towards my datemate

I had a squish, and once I realized that things started making a bit of sense. There were people I wanted to hold their hand, laze around in a cuddle pile to be close to them, maybe give them quick innocent pecks because I’m touch starved and want affection. But never were the feelings romantic

If that trauma had never happened, would I still say I’m panromantic instead of bi greyromantic? Who knows, not me

But what I do know is that if something were to happen and my datemate and I were to split, that the single romantic attraction I have felt in years was severed, I’d full on say I’m aro because they are my exception

My greyromanticism is transitional. It’s not “I feel romantic attraction sparingly” or “have a hard time distinguishing platonic from romantic” or the other common definitions I’ve seen around, but rather “I used to feel romantic attraction all the time, but now only feel it towards one person and if that were to go away, I wouldn’t feel it at all”

Sometimes I doubt myself, thinking maybe I’m experiencing crushes and just don’t realize it or am in denial. But then I think about it again and tell my doubt to shut up because that’s wrong and I know it

And wow that was a lot and I’m pretty sure I spent ~4 hours writing this without realizing it. I hope this answered your question though!! Word vomiting like this helped me realize a few things myself

Also wow I need therapy more than I thought

[lia-nikiforov]

Fall Anime 2018 Watchlist

We’re about halfway into the season so this is probably kinda pointless by now, but here’s a quick rundown of the stuff I’m watching this season.

Dropped

Jingaisan no Yome: This is a 3 minute show and I won’t spend longer than that writing about it (I’m timing myself). I didn’t know it was a short going in. I’m not really into shorts, Saiki kun being the only exception and the story was less MahoYome and more... i don’t even have an apt comparison, it just was maybe more serious about the “marriage” thing than something with a giant floofball character should be.

Tokyo Ghoul: Re 2: It’s simple. I watched episode 1 and realized I had no fucking clue of how any of this related to the ending of the first season, no idea of who half the characters were and where did they allegiances lie and what is Kaneki even trying to do. Although not loyal to the manga, the first two seasons of Tokyo Ghoul had a story that could be followed and made sense, this, however, is just jumping over plot points with no rhyme or reason and there’s nothing but confusion.

Bloom Into You: There’s nothing actually wrong with this show and I was kind of looking forward to a yuri romance that wasn’t rapey or incesty bullshit, but something about this one just didn’t click with me. Like Touko fell in love with Yuu too quickly, and given Yuu’s ace/aro identity, it would feel weird for her to do a 180 and suddenly fall in love with Touko. I kind of want more fun and emotions in my romance stories and this one didn’t have much of either.

Chopping Block

Given a few things the past two weeks that didn’t go according to plan, I fell behind on my anime watching after keeping it in control for the first third of the season and i’m quite annoyed. And because of this, and my upcoming research trip to Japan at the end of the month, I might end up having to drop a couple of series.

Bakumatsu: Objectively speaking, this show is really bad. The production values are poop, the story is a wacky mess that takes itself a bit too seriously and the characters are flat and uninteresting, the villain is egregiously boring. This show also has Matsuo Basho as a secret tive traveling ninja, and that puts me at quite the predicament. I want to see more of this utterly bonkers historical reinterpretation, but boy do I wish they could make it more exciting.

SAO Alicization:  The only reason I, a notorious SAO hater, is watching SAO is because I hate myself. With that out of the way, boy is this SAO boring. We’re four episodes in and the only thing that’s happened is they cut an old tree because nothing can stop Kirito and his new friend, Yellow Kirito. This show needs to start getting offensive and/or stupid soon or i’ll die of boredom.

Karakuri Circus: I hear this one’s from the same mangaka as UshiTora? I love UshiTora and I can see the resemblance between giant guy whose name I can’t remember and Tora. His character and his schtick are so far the most interesting thing to me, with the kuudere puppet girl whose main purpose seems to be to get paired with him  having yet to make an impression on me. I’m also still not really certain what the overall plot is. I do love stories about found families, so hopefully I can stick with this one

Hinomaru Sumou: If my watching schedule were normal, this wouldn’t be in this section. Whilst not the best sports show of the season, and chock full of some of the most eyeroll worthy aspects of sports shonen *cough cough* toxic *cough cough* masculinity *cough cough*, Hinomaru Sumou has the fire and passion for an underrepresented sport that’s usually enough to hook me. I just don’t have time, and if push comes to shove, I’ll prioritize other shows over this one.

Banana Fish: Yo, okay, before you lynch me for being a hater or whatever, let me tell you I have zero issues with Banana Fish. I don’t hate it, I don’t think it’s Bad Representation(TM) whatever the fuck that means, I definitely don’t think it’s fujobait or just another BL. It just doesn’t make me happy. This probably doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I’ve never been a fan of tragedy. It’s also part of the reason I’m dropping Tokyo Ghoul. I don’t like hopeless stories and tragic romances. I’m somewhat spoiled on how the manga ends and each time I find myself less and less inclined to watch the newer episodes because the descent into misery is just not enjoyable for me. It’s not the show’s wrongdoing, it’s just not the kind of story I like. I’m probably too far along to drop it at this point, but also I kinda wish I could drop it because I get so little joy out of it. Also, my main hook is of course Ash and Eiji’s relationship, but 15 episodes in (I’m behind, as is evident) the time they’ve spent together is so minimal, I can’t even appreciate that a whole lot.

I guess I’m watching this? 

Dakaichi: Me: Man I really want a yuri anime without rapey bullshit. Also me: watches BL anime with rapey bullshit. I have literally no excuse. I think the basic setup lends itself really well for a romcom and Takato is a very likable character, it’s a shame it’s the same old rapey bullshit. In my defense, episode two was really sweet and I’ve been hoping for more stories along that line, even though the show has failed to deliver them since. Episode 5 may have pushed the line even beyond what I’m willing to tolerate, but it’s unclear. I might end up unexpectedly dropping it after episode 6. HEY JAPAN WOULD IT KILL YOU TO MAKE A BL ANIME THAT WASN’T RAPEY BULLSHIT? JUST ONE?

(honestly, Takato deserves better)

wao episode 6 was maji disgusting i might drop it after all

Fairy Tail Final: I just want closure man. This adaptation retains all the worst attributes of the previous season, terribly slow pacing (what for?! the manga is over!!) minimal animation, recapalooza. The color palette is slightly brighter than before, which I appreciate. Fairy Tail’s last arc wasn’t as bad as Bleach’s, but it was still pretty bad in the manga; still I hope seeing it animated will make it feel less messy and slightly more coherent. The FT anime has also in the past filled in some blanks that existed in the manga, so hopefully they can make the best out of it here.

(Erza is still my wife)

Tsurune: No, this isn’t the best sports anime of this season either. Although that’s hard to judge given how it’s barely on its second (third, i’m behind) episode. Technically, I feel more compelled to drop this than Hinomaru, but also I want to give it a fair chance. That said, the first episode was.... profoundly underwhelming and borderline upsetting, with how everyone put Minato on the spot in spite of his having an actual psychologic condition that drove him away from kyudo. I’m all in for stories about growing and surpassing your own obstacles, but I hope they go about it in a less mean-spirited way. Also, the characters feel pretty shallow so far. I’m not even gonna pretend the main reason I want to keep watching isn’t gorgeous guy with the ponytail-san, because I’m now old enough that I immediately gravitate towards the senseis rather than the teenage protags.

i am so weak to long hair  _(:3」∠)_

welp he cut his hair right next episode, thanks for nothing kyoani

In spite of everything, Anime is, in fact, Good

Golden Kamuy: Like with many split-cours, there’s nothing much to say beyond “if you liked the first one, you’ll like this one”. The production values are still tragic, but I think the pace has improved, and the dynamics between the different factions are so fluid and constantly changing they make the story very enthralling. It also continues to have the Best Reaction Faces.

Gakuen Basara: Listen, listen. You all knew I was gonna watch this. And I love Basara so much I still think this show is a masterpiece even when it’s objectively atrocious. I do not reccommend it to anyone who isn’t already a fan (and I mean a blind fan willing to consume anything from this franchise, even in its cheapest, dumbest, worst looking incarnation). That said there are a couple of interesting things, namely the power rivalry between Hideyoshi and Nobunaga, this never happened in the original series because Nobunaga died before Hideyoshi was introduced. Anyway, just shoot that Masamune x Kojuuro fanservice straight into my veins please and thank you

Zombieland Saga: One of the two biggest surprises of the season and one that was nowhere near my radar. An original production by studio MAPPA with perhaps the wildest premiere episode of the season that’s somehow making me like idols?! It’s also giving us the most Miyano Mamoru has ever Miyano’d and it’s amazing and histerical. The characters are also very charming, specially bikegang leader Saki and the always legendary Yamada Tae and the show isn’t scared of letting its cute idols get gross and silly and dirty. There’s also a feeling of mystery that I find very appealing. Definitely didn’t expect this one to be one of the highlights of my week, yet here we are.

SSSS Gridman: Just when I’d vowed a giant fuck you to Studio Trigger, in they come with one of their most quiet productions yet, with characters that speak their lines in soft, leveled voices, tragedies that feel palpable, emotionally climactic battle scenes and a sense of tension and mystery that makes it impossible to take your eyes away. It does have the caveat of oversexualizing the female characters, specially the villain, and not giving Rikka virtually anything to do, but past that, it’s been a very pleasant and intriguing surprise. Also of note, I have no background knowledge of the Gridman tokusatsu series but that hasn’t really been an impediment to enjoy this series.

Double Decker: Doug & Kirill: A spinoff to the 2010 superhero hit Tiger & Bunny, we have a less superpowery buddycop comedy with a cool and diverse cast, whose main character wants to BRING DOWN CAPITALISM, okay, put an end to economic inequality and classes, but that’s basically the same thing. The show is pretty far along because it premiered early for some reason, and so far it’s been mostly one-shot stories very thinly connected to the distribution of the illegal drug Anthem, with our main plot having only come up two episodes ago with the fantastic Zabel and Bamboo Man twist. The dynamics between the main duo are great and Kirill is a riot as a protagonist. 

Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru: Or Run with the Wind. Now THIS is the best sports anime of the season. Brought to you by the studio behind Haikyu, based on a novel by the author of Fune wo Amu. Firstly I love that it’s set in university, because it gives the cast a lot more variety in their interests, ages and personalities, their goals, their baggage, and it makes the process of bringing this team of misfits together even more interesting to watch. The characters feel very human in the way they speak, their worries, their relationships, their actions. The show’s done a great job so far in building the characters and making them worth cheering for. Also Ouji is my spirit animal. If you ever wanted a show to motivate you into running, this is what you’ve been waiting for! Another great surprise of this season for sure.

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Vento Aureo: Finally part Five is here! And in it we get perhaps the most interesting Jojo protagonist right off the bat, with troubled Giorno and his difficult past and his wonderful Stand ability. His new set of allies is also quite eccentric and interesting and every scene and dialogue has that special Jojo flavor of crazy and ridiculous and always a load of fun. This one will have 39 episodes, so we’re barely getting started and I’m already loving all of it.

Thunderbolt Fantasy 2: Urobutcher’s favorite puppets are back with a vengeance! Every bit as fun, insane, cool and over-the-top as the first season, with the added value of the rapport between the characters, evidenced by how brilliant the few scenes in which Shang and Lin share the screen are. With a brand new story that expands the world of our favorite puppets, and even more new gorgeous puppets added to the mix to make Shang’s life a mess, this show is definitely my favorite this season and potentially of the year. Let Urobuchi keep doing puppets for as long as he wants!

ooof i’m finally done. It’s midseason so probably nobody cares but do hmu with your favorite shows of the season and if there’s anything worth hatewatching that I may be missing ;)

[firjii]

A5, C1, F1, G4, J5, L3, N2, R4, U4, Y2, and Z4! Any OC you like, mix and match, up to you.

A fine list. I had to think about these overnight.

~For Bae Lavellan~

A5. what is their most impressive talent?

She actually excels at many things, but her most uniqueskill is that she can speak backwards. She’ll do it when she’s bored, she’ll doit when she’s upset, she’ll do it to unsettle someone she dislikes. She cansustain it for quite awhile if she’s feeling talkative. Leliana thought that itwas a secret code or cipher at first. When pressed, Bae didn’t have a goodanswer for why or how she’d learned to do it. It’s especially surprising whenyou consider that she’s not fluently multilingual – she was a hopeless studentwhen it came to elven, so she mostly gets by in Common.

J5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

Interesting question. Her skills aren’t necessarily what shetakes pleasure in – they’re just things that she happens to be good at. Sheenjoys problem solving and looking for things that other people miss (it’s anuncontrollable reflex anyway), so she enjoys climbing, especially if the goalis a quiet and private spot with a good view. When she was still living withher clan, it was one of the only ways that she could really clear her head. Shecan be a bit clumsy with other kinds of movement and doesn’t have big muscles,but she’s very flexible and climbing just…makes sense somehow. She could alwaysreach heights that others didn’t dare to go to or couldn’t see a way to get to,although she rarely did it for competition’s sake and not everyone realize howgood at it she was.

~For Gelya Tabris:~

G4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

She always wanted more muscle. Life in the alienage meant alot of crime, and not just involving humans. There were few depths thatpickpockets and muggers wouldn’t stoop to. As befits a rogue, Gelya always hadfair reflexes, but no matter how much she tried to build muscle mass, she couldnever make real progress (partly because she was never exactly well-fed andpartly because she was born very prematurely and was never going to have alarge frame anyway). A man of even middling strength could have easilyoverpowered her, though luckily many elves pitied her instead and sometimesshunned her a little or even regarded her as mentally ill (which isn’tcompletely incorrect, though most of her psychological issues are directly dueto alienage life, not genetic predisposition).

She is, however, a very fast learner, and she knows it. Shecan improve greatly after making just one mistake, and once she’s learned howto do something, she never forgets it. She’s not especially skilled inanything, but it’s always been obvious – even to her – that her chances ofsurvival are ultimately better than many others’ because she understands how toadapt and adjust (even if it kills her a little inside sometimes). It’s a small comfort, but it’s enough to get her through the day.

~For Mervyn Lavellan~ [y’all haven’t seen him yet since he’strapped in the PS3, but he was my first Inquisitor and first DA build]

F1. what do they do for fun?

Though he didn’t grow up playing it, he ADORES chess and anyother games that even vaguely resemble it. He’s not always the absolute bestplayer, but his strategizing skills are a perfect foundation for learning it.He frequently hounds his advisors for a chance to hone his skills and learn newmoves. He can be quite cynical about non-elves sometimes, but he greatly admiresthe other races’ board games and sees the value in applying the skills neededfor them to real life and vice versa.

~For Radi Lavellan~

C1. how do they sit in a chair?

At a formal dinner table? Tidily and carefully. Her sitting posturein front of others is so polished that you’d think she’d grown up in Orlesianhigh society.

But in an armchair by a roaring hearth? All bets are off.She usually just ragdolls and passes out because she’s very prone to worrying andlong days and basically never gets enough sleep.

L3. are there any foods they hate?

Bread pudding, rosemary, and most pickled foods. She’s alsonot crazy about most liquor unless it’s cider, beer, or wine.

N2. what have they never done that they want to do?

While she’s socially confident and isn’t particularlyinhibited, she was never in a relationship pre-Inquisition. Growing up, she sawteenaged friends and family gradually marry off or at least get involved inmatchmaking, but she never even spent private time for a picnic with someone,never mind a kiss or something more. Cullen is her first everything.

It’s not that she didn’t want anyone prior to that (she’s not ace or aro), butshe saw enough families get separated by war, feuds, etc. that she couldn’tquite commit to the idea herself. She also always focused on protecting othersin the clan, so tbh she was honestly too busy keeping track of the clan’ssafety most of the time to really step back from worrying long enough to thinkabout it.

R4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

I think she regrets that she doesn’t regret breaking rules. She’s usually done so for thegreater good and she only defies authority when its logic no longer serves agood purpose, but it’s happened often enough over the years that she waspainted as a cocky youngster early on. Some in the clan praised this and otherscalled her a traitor for it.

Now and then, she has a quiet moment of reflectionand wonders if things would have been better if she’d let others share some ofthe load. She’s not assertive by default and didn’t quite choose to be theguardian type – it sort of just happened in some moments when others didn’thave the same willpower. By the time she’d realized what she’d become, it wastoo late to change course…especially considering there was nothing actually wrongwith who she was.

U4. have they ever been doubted?

Considering she’s fairly atheist for an elf? You betcha.Plenty of people in her clan always resented her input/advice/opinions onimportant matters. Even the Keeper only let her be Second – Radi doesn’t try tostep on others’ toes and she doesn’t openly try to tell other people how tothink, but her lack of firm belief in the gods definitely meant that she waslooked down on, held back, and not always taken seriously.

Y2. what inspired you to create them?

It’s like this: my last DA OC was pretty nondescript on theoutside but basically scarred beyond recognition on the inside. I thought I’dtry the opposite with Radi: someone with a lot of literal scars but a bit lessof the ��acute psychological trauma” side of things (not that there isn’t any,but it’s not the outright paralyzing sort like Bae has). She’s alsoneurotypical, so the scores of things that bother/confuse/upset Bae don’tnecessarily stand out to Radi.

I also have a bit of a hangup about making my OC’s look “tooperfect.” Granted, none of mine have horrible deformities and I’m thrilledevery time someone calls one of them cute, but mine don’t have fancy hair, alot of makeup, large eyes, flawless skin, etc. I’m not complaining becausethat’s 10000% deliberate. I spend much moretime making them look the way they do, not less.

While I definitely wouldn’t call Radi ugly, she does have some verydistinctive features which may or may not be attractive according tostereotypical beauty standards (a very angular jaw, noticeable cheek hollowsthat point to her scarily underweight tendencies rather than nice bonestructure, a cleft and sort of puffy chin, recessed eye sockets and puffy eyes that make her look a lot more squinty/suspicious than she actually is, etc.).

Furthermore, although she’s cis female, I wanted her to bean example of a woman who doesn’t necessarily get positively recognized for heroutward appearances since her features aren’t widely praised (or even widely acknowledged) for women. In fact, a fewpeople have already misgendered her. That actually makes me happy because it shows that Idid my job right.

And, of course, I loved the idea of having a character whohas very visible, very striking scars but actually isn’t that bothered by themcosmetically because they’re proof of just how tough someone can be – even ascrawny mage.

Z4. what’s their dream pet?

She’ll take every opportunity she gets to have a new pet, regardless of species, but she’s fascinated by turtles and tortoises. She’s goodaround most domesticated animals but appreciates the ones that have a quietsteadiness.

[fuzziekins]

6. What made you realize your current labels fit you?

if it’s ok i’m gonna combine this with question 10, which is when did you realize you weren’t cishet, since when i think about it i usually group the two ideas together. And because it’s a long story and i have no idea how the hell to shorten it i’ll have it under the cut.

So my current label i use is demi-whatromantic asexual [with a slight aesthetic preference toward females]. I include the aesthetic attraction in brackets because sometimes i use it and sometimes i don’t, and maybe that’s because my label in general makes attraction confusing to me or because i’m just plain obsessed with Elsa from Frozen. But because that’s a lot to explain, i usually just say i’m ace or queer. Even if people still don’t know or understand asexuality, sometimes saying i’m queer is just enough to get the point across without needing to go into a needlessly detailed explanation. And while i know everyone has their own personal feelings about queer, as a label or as a word, i like the inclusivity of it. It’s enough for people to know i’m not straight, but it also leaves the door open if people want to know more. There was no specific moment that made me realize queer can fit my just as much as demi-whatromantic asexual; just the occasional tagged queer content on tumblr and the reassurance of some posts that the community has reclaimed the word and whatever each individual’s relationship or feelings are to that word, it’s perfectly ok and valid. I’m allowed to use that word for myself if i see fit. The rest of my label is slightly different.

I figured out first that i was asexual. Except i didn’t realize it until maybe 6 or 7 years after first even seeing the word. I saw it for the first time here on tumblr with the most basic description and i just thought, ‘ok that sounds like it could be me.’ But ultimately i decided it was a problem for future me because i had school to worry about. And even after that it took some times to realize that’s what specifically fit me. And i can’t just say that i had this light bulb moment where i looked up more details about asexuality and knew it was right for me, because that feels like it negates all the steps it took to get there.

After my dad passed, art became a sore topic for me to the point where i couldn’t even enjoy it for myself. But being a creative person, i had to do something. So i put my focus into writing, specifically roleplaying, which is something i hadn’t done since college. And honestly, i wish it didn’t take that to make it the first step because i know had i been able to realize any of this sooner and gotten the chance to tell my dad, he would have been more than accepting and i really hate that’s a moment i missed out with him. Anyway, i happened on a roleplay group kind of my accident but it gave me the chance to not only revisit a couple of OC’s i created back in high school, but also create new ones. The first LGBT+ one didn’t come around for me until a year later; before then the characters i made were straight because i didn’t think much or know better. But the more i roleplayed with these characters, the more i got to explore. When i created more characters i really got to think, ok does this person have a preference?; can i imagine this character eventually in a relationship?; is it ok i just automatically think this character is a lesbian? And the first thing with that, that really hit me, was with the first OC i ever created. My online friend and i were plotting, trying to figure out which of our characters might be friends. And she had just created one similar to one of my characters. Another online friend, he shared a birthday website as kind of a joke and kind of inspiration to help with relations; there was a date compatibility thing or something on the site. It turned out to be funny because some of the characters with pre-existing relations based on that were totally accurate and others were way off. But with two specific characters my friend and i were looking at, the site said they’d make a great couple. And at that time, that particular OC of mine had gone from being hetero to simply open-minded, since she never thought of relationships before and i never particularly saw one for her. But as soon as we read that, it clicked. And not only did the plots and inspiration start coming, but it led to so much character development for my OC. A character i created in high school to basically be a one-dimensional bookworm who was now not only questioning her newfound friendship but her sexuality. And as i wrote her discovering that, i noticed i was putting some of my own tendencies into her - her awkwardness and the way she reacted to certain topics, for example. My friend commented my character was probably ace in addition to realizing she was a lesbian. I didn’t think much of it then, but that was kind of the first piece.

The second piece came in the form of the show The Bold Type. Admittedly the show hasn’t been as good since its first season, but that’s beside the point. But from the first episode we’re introduced to this one character, Kat, and in her interactions with another character you could feel the chemistry between them. And part of her arc for that first season was coming to terms with her feelings for that woman and realizing she wasn’t straight. And for me, someone who was only a few years older than her 20something year old character, that was something i didn’t know i needed to see. I’m naive, childlike, and oblivious. Even if i had known anyone who wasn’t straight up until then, i wouldn’t have noticed or asked anything. But seeing that on screen, someone in my age group who actually didn’t know who she was and was starting to figure something out about herself, it gave me permission to question. Even if that question was, why the hell am i enjoying this so much?

But what really did it for me was the show Andi Mack on Disney Channel. It was one of the few shows i actually enjoyed at the current time on Disney Channel, even though by all accounts i should’ve been done with all that ages ago [except i’m a disnerd]. And after the first season ended and season two was rapidly approaching, the big question and anticipation was in the form of a character’s coming out. Fans have been picking up that one of the characters may have been gay and were waiting for confirmation. And that confirmation came in the season two premiere. And, if memory serves, there was a reason why it was met with acclaim the way it was. The scene in question involved two characters, Buffy and Cyrus, sitting at the diner. And there was that slow build up, just knowing that Cyrus needed to tell Buffy something. And when she asked if he liked another boy, Jonah, Cyrus nodded sadly and said “I feel weird. Different.” Ultimately, she ended up promising him in the most comforting and encouraging way, “you’ve always been weird. But you’re no different.” 

And for me, even as an adult, hearing those words just made everything click. I had no idea how much it meant to hear that. I always knew i was different from other kids growing up. I was treated different. I knew i was weird. And for the most part, i accepted that. But i didn’t understand what made me so different. At that point, i had the faintest basic knowledge of a few different sexualities courtesy of creating OC’s. Only one of them, at that current point, had identified as ace by choice. And suddenly i looked deeper into the meaning of asexuality. And just about everything about it fit for me. Why i didn’t experience attraction the ‘normal’ why. A potential reason why i never had the powerful urge to date or why i pushed the idea to the side so much. It even explained my childlike nature; i’m a kid at heart, but knowing that a “stereotypical” ace is someone who is naive, childlike, etc, it made sense why that was such a huge factor in my personality. Because i was a stereotypical ace. I told one of my best friends about a month later, and then i think 3 or 4 months after that, i posted on my Instagram about being ace. It’s felt right ever since.

Sometimes i do get specific and say i’m a s-x repulsed ace, because the topic really makes me that uncomfortable. But even if i don’t use it out loud all the time i know, as far as the asexual umbrella goes, that’s exactly specifically what fits me. So since hearing “you’ve always been weird, but you’re no different” and learning the full definition of asexuality, that’s what made me realize that fits me.

As far as my romantic orientation goes, it’s more of a grey area and sometimes i still struggle with it. While i’ve openly identified as asexual officially for two and a half years, i’ve had my romantic label for maybe no more than 6 months. When i read that asexuals can be anything from heteromantic to gay to bi to aro...basically anything...originally it felt like there were so many possibilities open. It made me feel good to know that i could basically be anything. But it also made me terrified because how the hell was i supposed to know? Now that i knew my asexuality basically screwed up my attraction to begin with, i also had to admit that it took a lot for me to get close to people to begin with. And, even more so, since my dad passed, the wall i already had up became bigger and stronger. I felt for a time like i lost a lot of support during that dark period and the last thing i wanted to do was let new people, or anyone in.

The obvious answer was that i was probably, if anything, demiromantic. Because if it took so much for me to open up to actual friends in the first place, to get close with them and develop a friendly bond, how much more time, effort, and energy would it take to get close to someone romantically? I thought about using that label for a little bit, but it didn’t fit. And, as someone who feels her emotions so strongly, powerfully, and, to a point, near uncontrollably, i questioned what the hell could be wrong with me that i couldn’t knowingly feel a basic romantic attraction? Aromantic was probably much more accurate, but from what i recall reading online, it’s also perfectly normal for anyone who is aspec to feel broken or like there’s something wrong with them because they’re missing something so “important”. And especially when i already hated so much about myself, finally feeling comfortable with myself about one thing - my asexuality - and knowing that it was right for me and that there wasn’t anything wrong with me about that, the last thing i wanted was to put myself down and feel more shame about who i was. 

I think it was sometime last last year, in 2019, that i first started seeing the word quoiromantic pop up. I think it was on one of the LGBT+ blogs i follow, or maybe an asexual or aromantic specific one. And another word for quoiromantic is whatromantic, since quoi means what. What is romantic attraction? What’s the difference between that, aesthetic attraction, and sexual attraction? What makes someone know they feel that specific attraction? And as someone who naturally asks “what?” or “what’s that?” albeit jokingly, it felt plausible. And it felt like a reasonable explanation for why i really didn’t know anything for sure. Because, even when i tried to think back to when i was in school, did i ever really feel attraction? Was it so faint i didn’t even recognize it? Was i mixing it up with maybe platonic attraction? I had no fricking clue. Simply saying “what” summed it up so simply for me.

I don’t include anything gender related in my label. As far as i know, i’m cis. My body is female and, to my knowledge, i’m comfortable enough that i don’t think i need to identify as anything else, save for really not being comfortable in dresses or heels. But if someone called me dude instead? I don’t care. I use dude as a term for everyone regardless of gender (unless someone tells me otherwise for the sake of their personal comfort). My gender doesn’t feel like something that needs to be changed or defined, unlike my sexual and romantic orientations.

When i saw my whole label together, i think about it, and i connect all the dots, it makes sense for me. Sure, i could simply say whatromantic asexual and leave it at that. But whether it’s platonically or maybe it really does have the faintest connection to romantic attraction and it’s so faint and confusing i wouldn’t know it if it slapped me across the face, keeping demi felt right. Quoi- or whatromantic, to my current still-baby LGBT+ knowledge, is generally seen as a microlabel. It’s something under the aromantic umbrella that is so super specific that a lot of people wouldn’t understand why it needs to exist. It exists to bring a sense of comfort. And that’s exactly what it does for me. It’s the main romantic label for me while demi serves as the microlabel. And ultimately, as someone who has the overwhelming need to always explain themself, i want to have a label that encompasses everything. Even if i don’t always explain my identity or simply say i’m queer, i want to know the details for my sake. 

And i think ultimately, the more i say it to myself in my head, and think of all the ways i may have to explain it to people, the more i know it fits me. 

[spinnerprincess]

happy ace awareness week

i think you’re all probably aware that i’m ace by now, i mention it from time to time, but in case you’re not... heyyyyyy

you can find a lot of ace resources around, teaching you about asexuality, what it means, etc. i’ve been personally appreciating the hell out of lyd’s comics on the subject, the most recent of which is here.

this post isn’t for that. this post is for being aware of where i’m at regarding being ace. i would appreciate it if you read it.

hashtag lgbt/ace discourse ahead.

it’s been a weird year for me. a lot of good things have happened, and so have a lot of bad things. dealing with my asexuality has fallen into both categories. 

when i first encountered the term asexuality and adopted it for myself it was a very different time. i had made a friend who was ace. without going into detail, they were a little older than me, and were dealing with the aftereffects of a bad relationship where they felt harrassed and later assaulted by a partner. so i came into it with the full awareness that being ace could be rough and cause discrimination, etc. 

but honestly, in some ways, it was an easier time. back in 2011 asexuality felt less visible, but where it was visible, it was accepted pretty freely. some conversations around terms like “allosexual” began cropping up around them. i think i navigated them fairly well, and i learned a lot, and with everything i learned i grew surer that being ace was both a term that made me feel validated and comfortable, and the word that best defined my gender/sexuality experience. 

the worst thing i had to deal with was people who hated “aces prefer cake” jokes and the occasional “stop calling yourselves aces you’re not playing cards” which, meh, it’s just a cute shortening. i love it. didn’t stop then, won’t stop now. you couldn’t pay me to go back to a time when i thought sherlock was worth any attention (i at least didn’t fuckin ascribe to a lot of the shit like “oh he’s ace/aro and it excuses his bullshit” haha fuck off.). but. boy. sometimes i miss it.

this past year or two, it’s been shitty. first we had the tail end of the “queer” discourse. i understood some viewpoints coming out of that, but ultimately settled on feeling like it the people arguing to remove it from the lexicon were wrong. i think there’s some valid points to be made, but mostly found the whole argument tiresome. Let people call themselves what they want, and don’t use it for people you don’t know like it, or for the whole community. Done. 

and if I’m a little more hesitant to use it for myself, if i once described myself as queer freely and happily, and now do so nervously, backspacing it out of the text once or twice, that’s... something i hope to overcome.

but boy oh boy did that discourse just dovetail right into my personal hell. the kind of people who don’t want to see the community expanded, who want to stay on top and exclude people who aren’t being their kind of gay, immediately dug their claws into that argument about “queer” and didn’t stop.

i’ve endured months and months of ace discourse now and it’s... it’s been exhausting. i’m not even directly involved in it, but it’s still there. it’s constant. it’s insidious. 

what started as a counter argument of “queer is a great as a blanket word for people with complex identities, such as ace people” dove directly into “well, are ace people lgbt?” and didn’t stop. suddenly it was the topic of the season. early definitions said “yes” or “if they think they are.” more arguments. “well, heteroromantic aces aren’t lgbt,” became popular. i can see why. that kind of invisible distinction could play well into pretending you’re straight, after all - right? so went the discourse. ugh.

as that argument caught on, people with anti-ace agendas pushed it further. “so being ace alone doesn’t make you lgbt.” “kids can’t identify as ace, that’s sexualization.” “cishet aces just want to steal our resources.” 

i don’t want to go into all of these but. boy. some of them were presented logically, kindly. others devolved quickly into “aces are the worst and can die,” “ace people don’t belong full stop,” and even “lol look at me i’m a tumblrina i’m 13 years old asexual fictkin special snowflake” as the punchline of jokes that spread outside of this site. 

some ace people are assholes and of course stirred the pot more by being overtly bitter/turning things into oppression olympics type bickering over how aces have the worst, or whatever. some blogs people cited for examples of “terrible ace people co-opting lesbian stuff” or whatever else were literally from sockpuppet blogs making fun of ace people.

for a time, i even bought into some of it. i thought some of the early arguments, that heteroromantic aces shouldn’t be considered lgbt, might have valid points. but you know what? that’s bullshit. if you believe you belong, you should be welcomed with open arms. hetero aces experience some of the same shit i do. they probably also experience other shit. just because i don’t know what it is, or it’s different from mine, doesn’t mean it isn’t an alienating, and perhaps even queer, experience. their sexuality, as nuanced as it is, still sets them apart and they deserve support. we all do. 

it sucks to think that this shitty shitty discourse had me believing in a position that invalidated my own experience of aceness being the source of much of my queer experiences, for a while.

all this to say nothing of the invisible hate seeping towards aromantic people as well, lolololol. it’s not a big part of me the way being ace is but i’m probably somewhere on the aro spectrum and. great. thanks. i’m still so tired of split attraction model arguments. if it works for you, use it. if it works for other people, let them use it. is it so hard to believe that some people might experience things differently to you? or differently to how you would imagine? god.

my favorite part is when allo people started saying “allo is a slur!!!” when, get this: allosexual was pushed for and partially created by allo people who (rightly) didn’t want to be called “sexual,” like poc, and rape survivors. ace people adopted it into their language for their benefit, not for ours, lololololol

so. that’s the year i’ve been dealing with. i’ve had to unfollow a number of people i thought were otherwise cool over this. i haven’t gone a single month without finding someone i think is amazing, reading through their blog, and discovering with a sense of nausea that they would hate me. genuinely hate me. there’s no love there. someone who says “u shouldn’t follow me if you think ace people are lgbt lol” isn’t interested in hearing and believing my stories, my experiences, my life which is hard and queer and as deserving of support as anyone’s. they aren’t interested in treating me like a person. that’s... i mean, i think that counts as hate. yeah.

i still hesitate on the word aphobia, or, similarly, biphobia. i don’t know if it’s the right way to describe it, when the hatred you refer to comes from within a similar group of people with oppressed sexualities. i wouldn’t hesitate to say post from an allosexual person in favor of in corrective rape w/r/t ace people are aphobic. i wouldn’t hesitate to say a straight person who thinks bi people are disgusting is a biphobe.

but is that reality talking, or is it just me being unable to acknowledge that oppression is oppression, fear and hate are fear and hate, and discrimination towards aces, which i’ve spent the last two years being told isn’t real, despite experiencing it on a regular basis both in and out of community?

what’s the line between discrimination and oppression? if people’s everyday biases make it harder for ace people to live their lives, is there a point in determining that line?

i fuckin dunno. i’m so tired. i’ve spent a long year feeling like i’ve shrunk myself. i feel more comfortable lately talking about fictional ladies and my attraction to them, which isn’t sexual, and isn’t exactly romantic, but it’s... it’s something that exist. just recently i became comfortable feeling like i can use the term “wlw” for myself, which i fought myself for a long time on. being ace, being quietly non-binary were both things that felt like obstacles.

and the wlw community is just full of toxicity still. terfs have grown and drawn others to their ideologies, some of them using anti-ace tactics to do so, others using tried and true biphobic messaging and of course, who could forget the constant hammering of “trans women aren’t women” bullshit they like to pull. 

so that’s one triumph of the year. i’m nb, i’m wlw, i’m ace. i can say those three things and feel pretty comfortable in it. 

i just wish it didn’t also come at costs. i find it harder to express my ace life. i find it harder to feel positively about it. i don’t have the energy to deeply deal with ace headcanons lately. it feels like the online world is hyperaware of us now, if anything. everybody has an opinion. moreover, people feel entitled to an opinion, in a way they weren’t before. people feel like it can be their opinion that my ace experiences aren’t lgbt, or that my sexuality doesn’t exist or even harms theirs, or... i don’t know. what will be the next big reason asexuality is terrible/invalid/not lgbt?

if you bothered to read or hell just skimmed this long post... thank you.

thank you. 

i know i’ve been quiet about a lot of this. not all the time, but a lot of the time. i feel bad about that, a little? i want people to know what this looks like. knowing asexuality exists is so, so good. but knowing that ace people are facing right now, the movement of hatred that has swept across pockets of lgbt people in recent years, and having the awareness to try and combat it...

it would mean a lot to me, if it felt like more of that could exist.

[rushingsnowy]

Alright, so since Tumblr went nonresponsive and ate the, like, 1k of impromptu fic I had started working on, sending me into a meltdown, I do not have the spoons to try for actual fic again.

So instead, you get a headcanon.  Because I’m still salty about that aphobe.  So!  Aro/Ace Holster!

Holster is a sex-positive aro/ace.  He didn’t know until his senior year at Samwell.  He had always enjoyed sex he had with puck bunnies in juniors and then at Samwell because he was a good wingman and wouldn’t fight for guys over the girls they went for but would totally go for “the ugly friend” or whatever the guys decided to call the girl they complained about being in their way.  He just never really got it, personally.

(below cut for length)

Anyway, at Samwell it’s a bit different.  The guys don’t seem so predatory, though from stories it sounds like a lot of that is Shitty and Jack’s doing.  Holster learns a lot of what he did probably didn’t help matters and he’s happy to stop the problematic stuff even if he still ends up winging for Ransom a lot.  Anyway, Ransom is still good at wheeling chicks and Holster sleeps with some when they come his way, but he doesn’t really pursue them, himself.  When he tries dating, it always ends fast.  The girls say he doesn’t really care or he acts more like a friend or a brother.  When he tries to do the big romantic gestures, he feels awkward and it tends to flop more often than not.  It’s just…how it is.  He isn’t particularly bothered by it, though.

Holster thinks he’s bi before he realizes his aro/ace.  He gets jealous of March, when things get really serious between her and Ransom in their senior year and he and Ransom are fighting all the time and Ransom starts pulling away.  He can’t decide if he’s a really shitty bro getting in the way of Ransom’s happiness or if he likes him as more than a friend because he doesn’t really feel like he wants to have sex or date Ransom, but also he’s never felt particularly strongly about doing either of those with women.

It’s while discussing this with Bitty and Shitty (who was brought into the conversation by Bitty who had forced Holster for a sit-down after a particularly bad row between him and Ransom), that Shitty introduces him to the term asexuality.

Holster looks into it and talks a lot with Shitty and reads a lot of stories and boards and informational articles.  They pop up relatable flags for him frequently and any time he finds a wall (such as how he’s had sex with plenty of girls or how he does enjoy sex), he finds things that prove those walls don’t really exist for aces (sexual activity does not directly mirror orientation and sex-positive aces can still have and enjoy sex).  He even reads up on aromanticism and finds that this makes a lot of sense, too.  He found men and women gorgeous, but that was aesthetic attraction.  He didn’t feel the need to date them.  Even the girlfriends he did have in his past, he’d never really felt more than he would for a friend, if he’d even felt that much.  A lot of times, dating had felt like it was more effort that it was worth, honestly.  As Holster reads more, it makes more and more sense, but everything clicks when he reads about queerplatonic partners.

That.

That is what he has been wanting.  More involved and intimate than a friend, or even best friends or even the bestest of bros that make up the best D-line in the ECAC, but not in a romantic or sexual way.

With Ransom dating March so seriously, Holster wasn’t sure if this would make things even worse between him and Ransom, which is why he holds off talking about it until after they kiss the ice.  When the rest of the team goes to the roof, Holster asks Ransom to stay behind with him.

He explains it all.  The asexuality, the aromanticism, the queerplatonic crush he has which is apparently called a squish from all the reading he’s done.  “I’m not jealous about you sleeping with girls or even dating.  I wasn’t even jealous of how things were with March at first,” he explains when Ransom points out that he is straight, “I just don’t want to lose you and I don’t want to be just a bro, or your old liney or your college roommate, but I don’t want to be your boyfriend.  I want you to crawl in bed with me to hide from ghosts ten years from now even if it’s kinda weird.  I want you to complain about my newest tv obsession and I want to chirp you over your stupid salmon shorts.  I wanna be there when they’re so old you finally have to throw them out and I want to be their to capture it on fucking camera.  I want it to not be weird that I was looking for work in every city you started looking at med school in during junior year.  I want to be the one to help you through coral reef mode while you study for the MCATs this year and look into your other options.  If you do go back to school – medical or grad – I want to have a steady job and an apartment there so you can live with me.  And if you never moved out after, that would be even better.  It’s not about kissing.  It’s not about sex.  It’s not about dating.  It’s just…everything else.  The important stuff.”

“March broke up with me.”

“What?”

“She got mad and we fought.  She said I wasn’t as serious as I was saying and just using the relationship to avoid you.  The more I think about it, the more right she probably was – I mean, not about all of it, because she was definitely more than any of the other girls I’ve ever dated, but I was probably leading her on a bit with some of what I was saying and doing.  I definitely wasn’t ready for anything more and probably won’t be for a while and I think she might have started expecting it up until she realized I couldn’t deliver.  So I can’t be your boyfriend, because I don’t date dudes even if they’re you, but it doesn’t sound like that’s quite what you want either?”

Holster nodded and shrugged at that because he wasn’t quite sure how to explain it, either, and Ransom continued, “But if you’re okay with taking things slow and figuring out what we want and are comfortable with, I can try this thing you’re talking about?  Because, bro, you are definitely my #1 bro and you’re probably my #1 person all-told.  And if you don’t mind me getting pussy on the side…?”

“Drown in all the pussy you want, bro,” Holster nodded approval, “Dating or a girlfriend is fine, too, honestly.  Just don’t phase me out.”

Ransom grinned, “Then I don’t see why we can’t give it a shot.”

“S’wawesome,” Holster smiled a huge smile with his big teeth on display, “But also you should totally call March and apologize.”

ANYWAY!  That is how March and Ransom stay friends, Holster and Ransom become queerplatonic partners, Ransom dates around a bit before dating March again a couple years down the road.  The three talk A LOT, they figure things out, and everyone’s happy in the end with Ransom and March in a romantic and sexual relationship, Ransom and Holster in a QPR and Holster and March as friends who totally gang up on Ransom in chirp wars.

[fanonical]

Private question for an upcoming chapter update for a Ginny/Luna one-shot.... Besides being Autistic (including Evanna Lynch's wonderful take on Luna!)... would she also be canon Ace, too, like I interpret her? I didn't see/read her as Autistic but since you mentioned it, it makes brilliant sense (and I'm mortified that I didn't realize it since one of my sideverse fics is Hermione being Autistic and that could explain how they intellectually knock sparks.) With a casual comorbidity of traits[1]

[2] would that also fit within her personality? I've been hemming and hawing over her being Pan (since she has a love and fascination of all forms of life) or being Aro, too (or Grey) and having your input would greatly assist me in writing her honestly and candidly (since I do write Luna from time to time.) Thanks in advance, if you decide to answer! - DG

first of all, love the URL, but i DID read it as “dva gonzo” so now i’m imagining aforementioned muppet in a mech. make it happen, ghost of jim henson. possess jeff kaplan or something.

as for your question, Luna isn’t canonically asexual, no (not as far as i’m aware anyway. if anybody has any textual evidence for this hmu i’d LOVE to hear it!!!).

lots of fanon interprets her that way for a variety of reasons - because they’re asexual and she’s their favourite character, because she’s autistic-coded and there’s a significant crossover with ace/autistic folks, or because she’s kinda weird and awkward (which, imho, is kind of an aphobic reason to headcanon that? but like whatever)

i like your interpretation of her being pan because she has “a love and fascination of all forms of life“ -- that’s a really interesting way to characterise that, because it links the orientation you’re giving her to a canon characteristic she has. obviously pansexual/panromantic people aren’t any more likely than, say, gay people to love animals and nature and whatnot, but it’s a really good symbolic reason for you to choose that. bravo!

my personal interpretation of Luna is as an autistic lesbian or bi/pan woman (depends what i’m reading/writing -- i’m down for harry/luna sometimes, sue me) but that doesn’t mean there’s no room for her being asexual in there, either. as i’ve said before, i personally don’t feel comfy actively headcanoning her as ace because i think that lots of (but definitely not all, so like, @my followers, dont come for me if you headcanon this lol) people HC her that way because she’s kind of a loner and a weirdo -- same reason there’s lots of ace/aro Neville headcanons; because he’s timid and shy, and i think these perpetuate untrue stereotypes about what it means to be a-spec.if you were to push me for an answer, i’d say panromantic -- again, that’s a phenomenal linking of canon to fanon you’ve done there with taking her omnibenevolent personality and using that as symbolic for how she loves anyone of any gender. if you feel like her being asexual, i say go for it. i usually play by ear with the orientation of characters (both in fanfiction and original content!)

this was a really fun question to answer, thank you! i hope i’ve answered everything you wanted answering :D

[flamboyantommo]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

Thank you @a-writerwrites for tagging me in this! It took me a while, but I did it!

1. List of works published this year: 

Like to Keep You Laughing

Shut It Down When the Time Comes

Get My Good Side

So Long I've Been Waiting

Bye Bye's Are Not For Legends (I'm Forever Young)

Wednesday Edits (the only one not for an exchange of some sort)

Day 10: Scrub a Dub Dub (from the 30 Days of Smut Challenge)

Plus, one fic in the Girl!Direction Exchange, and one in the HL Exchange. I can’t say which ones yet, since authors haven’t been revealed. =)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Probably Like to Keep You Laughing. It’s the only fic I’ve written with ace or aro characters. I researched asexuality so much before attempting to write anything with that fic because I really wanted to avoid offending anybody. It took a lot of putting myself in the character’s shoes to really figure out how they would act. Well, more than usual, anyway. And it turned out really well. I’ve gotten so much good feedback on it and I’m definitely proud of that. 

This is totally cheating, but just want to say that I’m also super proud of Wednesday Edits, because it took me a year and a half to finish that, and I wanted to give up so many times, but I didn’t. And I’m so happy I finished because I think it wound up being great. So I’m proud of that, too! 

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I wouldn’t say that I’m least proud of it, but I wish that I had more time to work on Get My Good Side, which was the fic I submitted for the Winter Exchange. But I was a pinch hitter, so I only had like, three weeks, I think? I wound up going in an entirely different direction, no pun intended, with it than what I planned on, just because I ran out of time. But I’m still happy with the story! 

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

This is from Bye Bye's Are Not For Legends (I'm Forever Young). 

“Leaving so soon?”

Harry glanced over his shoulder, only to see a third man; Louis, he guessed.

This man was far more beautiful than the others, with bright blue eyes, a button nose and light brown shaggy hair that had a single strand that curled down the side of his face.

He stood with a wide stance, and his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was staring Harry down, daring him to make a move.

Harry turned to face him and said, “I guess you’re Louis?”

“Maybe. Where do you think you’re going?”

“Home, fucker. I don’t know you and there’s no reason for me to stay.”

“How about this reason? I know what you did to Bennett.”

Harry stilled. There was no way he knew about the money.

“What was it? Ten thousand dollars? No, a hundred thou- No! It was four hundred and seventy thousand dollars that you stole. That’s impressive.”

“Shut up.”

“What’d you do with the money?” Louis wanted to know. “I mean, we saw your apartment. You definitely didn’t do any remodeling with it.”

“Fuck you.”

“No, thanks. So how’d you do it?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Of course I would,” Louis grinned. “And so do Liam and Niall.”

At the mention of their names, the other two men appeared from another room, flanking Louis on either side.

“I mean, we already know it’s some kind of mind control. But I get the sense that it’s more complex than that.”

“Why would I tell you?” Harry asked.

“Because we want you to join us,” Louis answered.

“Excuse me?”

Niall nodded happily. “See, we’ve been working together for nearly ninety years now. It’d be nice to have someone else join the ranks. And your power is very interesting.”

“And what exactly is it that you do?”

“Save the world,” Liam answered simply. “Save people from destroying themselves and those around them. Prevent the fall of mankind, that sort of thing.”

“How?”

“Well, like you, young Harry,” Louis replied, “we’re immortal. See, we did some research on you. You stopped aging in 1951, and have been traveling the world ever since. You mainly lived in London up until last year, when you moved here, to this fine city of New York. And last week, you robbed Adam Bennett of almost half a million dollars, which, like I said before, is very impressive.”

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I love every single comment that I get on my stories, but the ones that meant the most and that made me want to cry the most were the ones on Like to Keep You Laughing. Most of them were from people who identify as ace or aro, and hearing from them that my representation was accurate was incredible. 

Like these ones: “Wow, thank you thank you for writing this! There's definitely not enough ace/aro-centric fiction in this fandom (or most fandoms, really) and you did such an excellent job repping those communities here--at least, I thought so, based solely on my own personal experience being ace and talking to some other ace people. And of course it was very well written and thoroughly enjoyable to read, and I loved your characterization. No pressure, obviously, to keep working on something you feel in your heart is finished, but if you write anything else in this 'verse I'd definitely love to read it. Thanks again for taking the time to write this and posting it! Pleasure to read <3″

“No offense but this was perhaps some of the best characterisation I have ever had the pleasure of reading, like honestly the dialogue was so good and natural and so /them/ it felt like I could hear those words coming out of their mouths, like I wasn't just reading them saying something because it was necessary for the story. And the way you depicted being ace and aro, it was just so good and so well-written and well-thought, I've seen some fics either over do it or just fall completely flat I truly adore this as someone on the ace/aro spectrum and just as someone who loves great writing. If I could leave even more kudos I would!!”

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I already mentioned that it was tough during Wednesday Edits, but it was also really hard when I was writing my fic for the HL Exchange. This was the most recent, and there’s just been so much shit going on in the fandom that there were so many days when I felt like I wanted to just leave for good because I stopped caring and just couldn’t handle it. So writing these characters based on Harry and Louis was really difficult. But I did it! I had support from a bunch of people and I continued reading fics and I just kept reminding myself why I love them so much. 

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you

Definitely Ace Harry/Aro Niall in 'Laughing,’ because I’m just so happy with how I described them and how I had them act in the fic. But also, OT4 in Bye Bye's Are Not For Legends (I'm Forever Young), because in that fic, the boys all have super abilities. They’re immortal and have been working to ‘save the world’ for a long time, so it was interesting to write them as characters who change over a long period of time. Plus, I got to write them in fight scenes, and I’m surprised that I managed to make those somewhat believable. 

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I’m not sure, really. I’ve definitely tried a lot of new things in writing - this year I wrote mpreg, superheroes, ace characters, kid fics and girl!direction - in addition to writing my standard pining and fluff. So maybe that’s it? 

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

DESCRIBING THINGS. I’m honestly surprised I haven’t been called out on this more, but I’m horrible at describing setting and appearances. If a character walks into the living room, for example, I almost never tell the reader what the room looks like, what kind of furniture there is, how the character looks, etc. That’s just never been my strong suit, probably because I usually skim over a lot of that stuff when I read fics. So maybe I’ll try to work on that, haha. 

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

First and foremost, I have to thank Michelle @temporaryfixlouis for being the best beta in the world. You’ve helped me through so many fics, probably more than I have the right to ask for! And you translated some awesome German for ‘Bye Bye’s,’ which made sure I didn’t sound like an idiot writing subpar German. Also, Jen @evenasyoungastheyare for working with me and drawing amazing art for Day 10. Your drawings made me so much more excited to post the chapter! And of course, every author who’s written an amazing fic this year that kept me motivated to keep working on my own stories.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Uhh, most things, haha. Wednesday Edits (and the first part, Monday Meetings) are largely based on my years as a newspaper editor and my time in college, as well. So much in those fics are actual things that I experienced, which helped me write them. Also, my fic for the HL Exchange is based on a lot of things I’ve done in my hometown, and even my job. Let me stop before I tell you which fic is mine. 

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

1) Don’t give up. You’re going to get so frustrated some times, but it’s all worth it when you have a fic that’s done and ready to be posted. 2) PROOFREAD. Don’t rely on a beta to catch every mistake for you. Proofread while you’re writing, after you write a scene, after you write a few scenes and at the end. And then read the whole story all the way through again. (I’m a little obsessive over proofreading, if you couldn’t tell.) 3) Don’t write in order. I’ve lost inspiration so many times because I couldn’t figure out how to start a story. Usually, one specific scene in a fic stands out for me, and it’s most likely a scene that happens in the middle or toward the end. So just write down everything that you’re thinking of, and then go back and fill in the rest. I usually outline the fic around whatever I have written, and put little notes in if I have an idea of something I want to happen before or after what I already have. 

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Not right away. I’m taking a much needed break from writing because it’s been overwhelming lately. But I have the third and final part in The Taylor Times series, which I’m excited to work on. I already have a title, so I’m hoping that helps with writing it. I also want to go back over the 5.5K words I had originally written for the Winter Exchange and see if there’s something there that I can salvage. Plus, for at least a year, I’ve been wanting to write a fic based on my day care job, because I think it would be adorable. There would be a lot of cute three-year-olds saying funny things and it would definitely be genderswap, because that’s what I’m experiencing, so... Finally, there are a bunch of my fics that I’ve always wanted to write sequels for, so maybe I’ll finally get around to doing any one of those. 

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

I know it says three, but I never follow the rules for these things, so let’s go with @jaerie, @100percentsassy, @suddenclarityharry and @louehvolution. 

And anyone else who’d like to participate!

*All answers should be about works published in 2016. Also, you can skip any questions you hate or don’t want to answer, but please leave them on the list so that others can do them if they want. :)