#and i would feel bad abt asking for an extension for whats basically the only assignment ive actually done for both of their classes

[moonstandardtime]

love my digital art class but god it is filling me with rage and hatred for adobe.

[rosie-the-posie]

🩷🎀 My DR List 🎀🩷

below is a pretty very long list of all the drs i’ve made scripts for

lmk if any of you want some more detail of any of them, dw i have EXTENSIVE detail on everything babes

don’t judge pls 😖😖 this is a safe space…hopefully 🩷

Fame DRs :

Phantasmagoria DR: my main fame dr where i’m the lead singer in a band called Phantasmagoria w my friends. We’re like, really famous. Like more famous than Taylor Swift famous. And I go on to become a really famous writer/director as well. This is the dr i think about all the time, i fucking rule guys. NO BAD SONGS. NO CONTROVERSIES. ONLY GOOD VIBES AND GREAT MUSIC. ofc i’m an EGOT and pretty much revitalize the film industry single handedly. 😋😘

Heartstopper Cast DR: i’m a part of the cast of Heartstopper (an OC named Vivienne Green - Harry’s sister - who’s besties with the group, helps Elle when she transfers school, and is Pansexual and eventually gets in a polycule). I’m honestly so cool in this one. I have my SHIT together at 19, like, it’s crazy. I’m dating Kit Connor cuz why not, and I eventually become one of the best actors of my generation no biggie 🤷🏻‍♀️

Harry DR 1: yes, I have more than one dr where i’m dating harry styles, who can blame me. I’m a songwriter that met Harry in his 1D days and became one of the band’s main songwriters. We became best friends after that and stayed close. We both become extremely famous in our respective areas in the music industry and are the power couple

Harry DR 2: this one came to me in a literal dream. I’m Harry’s secret fiance that literally no one knows about. My job is solving and rating puzzles (don’t ask me why idk either). I get pretty famous on tik tok for being one of those satisfying accs that people followed during the pandemic yk? Anyways, there’s this whole thing where I’m invited onto the Late Late Show to talk abt my job (Ellen style) and everyone loves me. Harry is just there ig

Harry DR 3 (LAST ONE): OK SO DONT JUDGE ME W THIS ONE. LET ME LIVE. so, basically, I’m Harry’s secret wife and - stay with me here - we have 6 children together. I really only wanted to go here bc I noticed how many tattoos he had of peoples names and i thought, hey, what if those were his kids’ names that he has tattooed on him and no one knows? like, why not? so this is a purely self-indulgent dr where I’m just living the domestic life with Harry Styles and our brood of children. this may or may not have been influenced by a fanfiction series i read

Hozier DR: in this one, I’m Mr. Andrew Hozier-Byrne’s girlfriend who lives with him in the Irish countryside. I’m a seamstress who has my own clothing brand. Think dresses to run through a field of flowers in, or to slowly decompose in a lake littered with petals yk? I end up making the dresses for the Folklore stretch of the Era’s tour. not to brag or anything hehe

MGG DR: I’m dating the one, the only, Matthew Gray Gubler. I just thought it would be really funny and interesting to go to a reality where him and I are pretty much polar opposites. I’m an ex-ballerina who still practices, so I have that grace and elegance around me. I love to dress in dark neutrals all year round. For my job, I’m a famous published horror author. I have an rbf and a WRY sense of humor. Literally black cat aesthetic to the max. And then there’s Matthew who’s a ball of sunshine compressed into colorful grandpa clothes. honestly i love this one

Tom Holland DR: okay so this one is from my Spider-Man phase. But i actually love it so much. I play Felicia Hardy in the Spider-Man films, who is as much of a love interest as MJ in this reality. Tom and I actually grew up together since I would always vacation at my aunt’s house in the UK who was also neighbors to the Hollands. We’ve always ‘hated’ each other growing up (when really we were closer to each other than anyone else) and so when we started working together on the Spider-Man movies, all those underlying feelings started coming to the surface

The Joes DR: Okay, so. In this one, I play Chrissy Cunningham in Stranger Things. Her character is actually a lot different than in this reality where she’s actually secretly dating Eddie Munson behind Jason’s back. She doesn’t die, her friend Angie does, so Eddie and Chrissy join the party to save the world n stuff. Basically, Joe Quinn (his name is Thomas in this reality) and I got really close on set and are rly flirty hehe. And, to make it even better, we ALSO have a thing with Joe Keery as well (hence the name change to make my life easier). So we’re all a budding throuple and we kinda try to sneak that dynamic into the show hehe. note: certain actors aren’t poopy people in this reality and don’t support genocide 🙄) 

Hogwarts DRs:

Draco DR: this was my first ever dr! draco tok got me into shifting. I’m a gryffindor who’s friends w the golden trio. I transferred into Hogwarts in 4th year and pretty much just am there for the ride as the canon happens. I’m in a secret relationship w Draco (shocking ik) and he’s actually not a bad person. i obvi scripted out the supremist in him guys, dw. i actually have so much detail about all the ways we meet up behind everyone’s back and stuff. you never forget your first guys 🩷

Tom Riddle DR: AGAIN. BEAR WITH ME. ITS NOT BAD. basically Hogwarts is more of an elite rich kid college for wizards than a high school type place. BLOOD SUPREMACY DOESNT EXIST. But there is a whole powerful family hierarchy. kind of like a mob family thing??Instead of Slytherins being the ones most likely to be death eaters, they’re the ones most likely to be from those more powerful families. The Riddles are one of the most powerful families (and rich bc sorry but i’m not dating a poor orphan guys). I’m a Gryffindor who transfers in and becomes besties with the Slytherin group (Theo, Enzo, Mattheo -i’m a mattheo truther, never matthew- Blaise, Pansy, and Draco). Anyways, I fall for Tommy bc of his whole dark and broody best friend’s older brother thing he has going on.

MCU DRs:

Peter Parker DR 1: i’m obsessed w the idea of being genius buddies w Peter Parker and eventually taking over SI, so this is that. We’ve been best friends and neighbors since we were little, and got bit by spiders at the same time. I’m Silk, and we fight crime tgt. We’re both geniuses and go to Midtown together. When we meet Tony Stark, him and Pepper pretty much take us under their wings and we become their heirs to SI. We revolutionize the tech industry before we even graduate high school, we’re that smart. example: we build a water filter that we use to completely clean the Hudson River. we create inter-dimensional communication to talk w the other spidey gang after we get sucked into a rift and meet miles. on like a random tuesday too. I absolutely love this one, i put SO MUCH DETAIL into this script it’s actually insane.

Peter Parker DR 2: My first Peter dr that i made, but kind of abandoned. Him and I have an enemies to loves relationship bc after talking w Ned, he thinks the way to attract me is to act as if he doesn’t care about me 🙄. these dumbasses. anyways, i’m Tony’s adoptive daughter who he rescued from these evil scientists who gave me powers n stuff. it was a pretty cool concept when i first thought of this reality. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Stucky DR: Takes place in the 1940s at first, bc I’m best friends and eventually dating Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes. The three of us are a force to be reckoned with guys. I’m super fucking smart, Steve is super fucking stubborn, and Bucky is super fucking protective. So, chaos basically. I’m really interested in science and am offered a spot to work on the super soldier serum by Howard Stark. Canon events become canon, I create SHIELD with my besties Howie and Peggy, Howie tells me he’d been working on cryogenics but needs a volunteer to test it, so I agree. I wake up in 2017, after the Civil War was actually dealt with civilly and am reunited with my loves in the present time. One of my favorites that I ever scripted out. 🩷

Misc. DRs:

Peaky Blinders DR: I was a nurse during the war that took care of Tommy and his brothers, and him and I became really close and fell in love. We reconnected a couple of years after the war ended, and I basically become his right hand when it comes to all the Peaky business. He trusts me more than anyone else because we’re both ass over tits in LOVE with each other. Like, yall don’t understand how in love we are. Also, you know that scene of Elle Woods pulling up to Harvard in a full pink outfit? Literally me every single day. Me in my lil pink blazer and skirt sets and the brightest fucking smile on my face making everyone confused why tf someone is as happy as i am in birmingham of all places. Everyone thinks i’m ditzy and just Tommy’s arm candy when rly im the smartest person in the room at all times. i just love to manipulate people into thinking im harmless and then learning all their secrets 🩷🩷🎀

Haikyu DR: i’m the manager of Karasuno that takes over for Kiyoko. I’m the granddaughter of Nekoma’s coach, so i know all about the game and play just as good as the players. Just because those 4 minutes of him had me licking the screen, i’m Kiyoomi Sakusa’s girlfriend. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH ITS CRAZY. we have a whole friend group with Ushijima, Tendo, Iizuna, Komori, and Atsumu. Imagine the chaos that group brings everywhere. It’s such a fun dr, i should really revisit it more often.

Lloyd Hansen DR: i watched the gray man and this man with his white pants and pornstache burrowed his way into my heart. pretty much im his ditzy lil girlfriend who he adores and just skips around the place in pink and he spoils endlessly. 🩷

Mafia DR: didn’t really flesh this one out, but the gist is that i meet this guy in college and he turns out to be a part of the mob. 🤷🏻‍♀️ and so yeah.

Whore DR: yes, I have a whore dr. hehe. don’t judge me but like, a reality where slut shaming doesn’t exist and you can live out your horniest fantasies w/o any judgement whatsoever. bc that’s completely normal. 😋😋

Sunny DR: this is a better cr one, where i’m pretty much just really fucking smart and in a FANTASTIC AND LOVING relationship with this guy named Peter. He sadly doesn’t exist in this reality 😞😞. But he’s literally the sweetest ever and he’s blond, so I call him Sunny. Like, my sunshine boy ☀️. Literally everything i want in like, a mundane life is in this reality. also, for no other reason than i think it’s so funny, peter happens to be the son of one of my teachers in school. Why? i have no fucking clue 😭😭. like, i go to his house to meet his dad and he’s my fucking history teacher. it’s mortifying but absolutely fucking hilarious.

Criminal Minds DR: i join the BAU after Emily’s whole arc where she dips, and everyone but Hotch and Spencer are a bit prickly with me. I’m best friends and eventually get into a friends with benefits relationship with him (which is so out of character it’s crazy, but let me live). We obvi get our shit together and just start dating and become a power couple hehe

Deity DR: literally thought of this 2 days ago 😭. most of the details are on my prev posts, so you can check those out

Narnia DR: last but not least, I’m a human who was transported to Narnia a few years after the Pevensies saved Narnia from the White Witch. However, I’m instead sent to a nearby country where they take me in and basically make me their crowned princess. After a couple of years, I meet and fall in love w Edmund Pevensie. All Hail Queen Rosemary the Radiant. 🩷

THIS SHIT IS SO LONG TF. I DIDNT REALIZE HOW MANY SCRIPTS I MADE 😭😭😭😭

anyways, if you read all of this i love you 🩷

thanks to @luvieshifts for giving me the motivation to write all of this out

OKAY IM GOING TO SLEEP NOW GN POOKIE BEARS

you are the universe and more, babes 🎀

[alangdorf]

Actually more rambling now. Currently thinking thoughts abt Tsuru and also Yabu (and Tsubakura by extension, obviously, who do you think I am,)

Always extremely funny that Tsubakura isn’t in most of Evanescent Existence just because they ignored the psychic intercom message and got really interested in the weird cave instead. What exactly was Tsurubami’s plan for if they hadn’t done that?? They run into each other and Tsubakura’s like “yeah I guess this might as well happen to me today”

Anyway the whole plot of Evanescent Existence is bizarre but it feels in character with how inscrutable Tsurubami is. Impossible to tell whether he has a convoluted plan or if she’s just having fun and it doesn’t matter cause he’s so all-powerful she’ll just get whatever she wants in the end regardless. Awesome!

Gotta mention one of my favorite fan works and definitely my favorite writing of Tsurubami is Misremembered Memories (fangame by Mugenri) (the person); I once summed up Yabusame’s scenario as “hey girl I didn’t call to talk to you put your dog on the phone” and made myself laugh extremely hard. And the bit where Tsurubami is like “it’s a trade secret!” And Tsubakura’s like “We have the same job? I’m filling in for you at your job?” And Tsubrubami’s like “Oh, I guess you’re right!” *blatantly continues to not tell them what they were drugged with* is LEGENDARY. But aside from the incredible banter I also love how Tsurubami asks Yabu & Tsuba for favors only after they’re already in a position where they can’t reasonably refuse. Feels right (kicking the “frankly I think it’s hot when characters are manipulative” tag from my ‘shall we dance’ pic under the fridge)

Oh yeah speaking of the song I happen to have a very strong link between liking music -> liking the associated character (slightly less so for Len’en than with Tohuhou cause I’m more interested in the story on its own merits for Len’en but it still seems to largely be the case) and I’m still very obsessed with the song. Thoughts on how it connects to the character 1) leading (like in dancing) 2) disorienting 3) silly goofy mischievous. Though I’ll admit I’m even more obsessed with broken eternal dance engine these days and that’s a twofer cause it’s actually Arde but would still presumably apply to a case where Tsurubami was outright trying to kill you! Either way 1) DANGER 2) even more disorienting 3) if you have the sound turned up just enough on that last big beat drop. Insane. The key change. The flip from just piano to full strings and heavy bass and crazy percussion. Kills me every time

(Tangent my friends who only know Len’en because of me talking about it are used to me very ardently insisting that Arde is just, like, pretty normal actually and today I was like “oh yeah I forgot this is her theme btw” *MO-NA-D-1 Memory Pursuit (basically a horror movie soundtrack)* lol)

Also I was thinking about the possibility that Tsurubami was the one who activated Rei (bc of how Rei talks abt him) and that’s got me spiraling. What all is she doing out there? If he was outright pretending to be Tsubakura again wouldn’t Hoojiro (& Haru) know about it? How’d he get access otherwise?

Extreme mental gymnastics offshoot from there: is Tsubakura a nepo baby??? Is it EN like 燕??? I dunno man. Trying to reverse engineer their backstory is such an ordeal; I keep muddling through their confusing relationship dynamics with Arde (it’s more straightforward with Hamal. Weird and bad, but straightforward!) and I’ll just be constantly going like girl (gender neutral) what is wrong with you…. Why are you like this……..

Anyway. My one big thing to share about Yabu is that I used to make the joke that Len’en as a whole feels like “Tsubakura’s terrible horrible no good very bad day, and also Yabusame is there” and then one day I had the epiphany to flip “it’s kinda funny Yabu just doesn’t really have a personal reason to be involved in all this” into “but she is anyway! They didn’t have to be there but she’s there for Tsubakura!” and got extremely soft about it.

Also uhhh I guess it depends on how much everyone knows about how Suzumi and their abilities work (always difficult to sus out) but in theory if Tsubakura knows about Yabusame’s immunity then them living with her would lessen paranoia that Suzumi could show up and then make them forget about it afterwards (though maybe undeservedly considering how BPoHC went lol)? Works as a deterrent either way. Okay so I think what we’ve learned here is I’m definitely not done with trying to make sense of a detailed headcanon version of precanon lol

[blood-loving-leech]

Reasons why @/deadvxmp was a shitty boyfriend

He was my best friend from fall of 2021 until fall of 2022

Last october he tried to kill himself, when i freaked out and started crying my sister heard me and told my moms friend who was watching us that night who then tried to call emts like ANY PERSON WOULD WHEN A KID IS TRYING TO KILL THEMSELVES

And so he said I was “making his attempt about me” yeah my bad for worrying about your fucking LIFE AND SURVIVAL DAMN he just wanted me to not feel any emotions abt his death ig

After that everything kinda went downhill with my then-girlfriend and I wasn’t sure about if I should break up with her since she was my only friend and everyone else was just friends by extension through her but he convinced me to break up with her knowing full well she was my only irl friend

In january, he ghosted me for a week and a half when I visited california, when I got back I tried to kms and he decided without talking to me that it was his fault and that i’d kms if he left which he is now using against me saying I explicitly threatened to kms if he left me and claiming that that was emotional manipulation on my part

At this point I think he was only friends with me because of that and he was supposed afraid of me, then in february he asked to call me his boyfriend?? which why would you ASK THAT if you don’t even like the person fuck you

After my attempt, my mother grew suspicious of the college student we were both friends with (for some reason, Misha seems to think I had something to do with it but I have no clue what her though process was) and effectively ended up getting them (college student) cut out of our lives, said student was regrettably Mishas fp and so when we found out it was my mom back in june he blamed me and spent months guilting me over it and making it very clear that it was “all my fault” for trying to kms in the first place until we broke up

sometime in the spring he literally taught me how to purge and yet he blames me for worsening his eating disorder despite me telling him not to abuse the laxatives when he first got them and trying to convince him to eat more and telling him i’d love him no matter what he looked like but SURE i’m the one who encouraged his ed because he thought i’d only like him if he was skinny even though i never said anything of the sort

he also blamed me for treating him like a child every time he misunderstood something and I tried to explain myself because he said it made him feel stupid and generally just told me to shut up every time i tried explaining myself

he never said he loved me first, undoubtedly because he never actually loved me, and he said he didn’t believe i loved him so i spent our entire relationship trying to prove my love to him until finally i realized he was putting in no effort to love me and i stopped trusting him (he broke up with me like literally one week after i said “i don’t believe you anymore”)

when i realized i had issues that were affecting our relationship i went to therapy for them and my therapist said “yeah you could work on some stuff but he also has to learn to trust you as his boyfriend” and i told him that and he said he could try and then like two days later said “yeah i lied actually im never going to trust you i just wanted you to think id try” like WTF

when he broke up with me he said it was to “take the strain off our friendship” since we’d been arguing almost all the time and i said he’d have to give me some time because DUH he was breaking up with me and that fucken hurt but then i literally had no other friends so i went back to him and said we could be friends and he told me basically to fuck off and take some time to figure stuff out while he talked to his friends about stuff and so two days later when he blocked me everywhere i asked what was going on and he was like “my friends all say you’re a shitty person and i prefer not talking to you so leave me alone and never talk to me again” and then blocked me some more

so in heartbroken confusion i wanted to figure out what he thought i did that was so shitty by waiting for him to post stuff abt it on his tumblr but then he started going off about how i was ableist and encouraged his eating disorder and physically abused him even though he lives in alaska and i live in washington and its literally closer to mexico than it is to him but yeah sure i totally did all that

so i got angry and did dumb things and went off on him and called him names i knew he hated and all sorts of shit to which he responded by telling all our mutual friends that i did all those things that i didn’t unless i have complete fucking amnesia so there goes the few sorta friends i still have and i still wanted to know what i supposedly did wrong and obviously i did more dumb shit that got out of hand and now he’s sending people to tell me to kms and people to threaten to kill me which i actually wish they would do but he chose to be mutuals with cowards who won’t actually hike butt over to gig harbor and stab me

are we both terrible people? maybe yes. i know i’ve made mistakes but he certainly isn’t innocent

i’ve done things wrong but the whole time we were dating i hand made him gifts and jewelry and sent him tea bags and told him i loved him multiple times every day and wrote him poems and drew fanart of his ocs and fawned over how cute/handsome he was and how good his sense of fashion was and encourage his career dreams and assure him i loved him and i planned to move with him to college and then canada and get shots to fix my cat allergies so we could have cats and i broke the rules and almost got kicked out of my favorite summer camp because he asked me to and he never said he loved me and the only compliment he could ever muster was “v snazzy” so i don’t think it’s much of a question of who loved who here

the difference is i only ever wanted to figure out my mistakes while he decided it was appropriate to send people to tell me to kms

[pawjamas]

can you tell me more about your Scottish fold character?

hi !!! thank you for asking i would absolutely Love to talk about him more.

basically so far what i have for him lore wise is he’s a very spoiled grumpy idol boy who hates all of his fans but they adore him. probably has lots of dumb little fancams of him floating around the internet. when he’s not making music or performing he’s basically a shut in and isolates a lot, he secretly has very bad social anxiety despite being able to do what he does. (also considering making him autistic as well..my friend when i told him abt this oc was like. oh i love seeing ocs that are extensions of oneself which i guess ? he kind of is 🤧) the only time he feels comfortable in front of others is when he’s performing, however he doesn’t like all the attention he gets from it at all. discussing him further w/ my gf i told her he is very bad at one-on-one conversation but actually oddly pretty good at publicly speaking to crowds or what have you.

here is some art i have of him so far ! the top one is drawn by me, the left one is by @/vizslabutch & the final pic is just from a picrew i used. the only thing he doesn’t have yet is a name bc i’m very picky w/ names but his concept overall has been in development for a very long time, i used to sketch a scottish fold cat w/ glasses character in my sketchbook often and knew i wanted to do something with the concept but just never fully developed it until now. and he still has stuff i want to add to him too, but i love him sm he’s very special to me ^_^

[toxicsamruby]

hello! i have to ask: what do you think about supernatural au's where monsters don't exist/monster hunting is not a thing? do you think the characters could even exist out of that realm? i honestly have conflicting views on this because on one hand i do enjoy the character dynamics but i also feel it would be wrong to just take away something that is fundamental to this show, idk though

i LOVE this question. thank you. im going to write a very long post now

obviously there are infinite ways to interpret a story, right? but sam and dean (and castiel too of course) as characters are completely inextricable from their backstories, and their backstories are inextricable from themes of transience, poverty, loneliness, violence, familial duty, masculinity, otherness, american protestantism, horror, humanity, and monstrosity. i dont think that it’s Wrong to take away the monster hunting as an element in the story, but i DO think it would be bad storytelling to do so bc the fact is that these characters w these personalities wouldnt EXIST without a few VERY crucial plot points/themes. and thats a GOOD thing!! say what u will abt the writers (and i do. i do) but the early seasons do an EXCELLENT job of building characters who are inseparable from their stories, characters whose every action is reflective of the Story itself in a bigger sense, characters who are interesting because of the way that they’re used to tell that bigger Story. there’s a sense of cohesiveness between character and theme and narrative, and removing one of these aspects would lessen the other two. that is the mark of good storytelling (that, in my opinion, distinguishes seasons 1 and MAYBE 2 from all the rest; although funnily enough i think castiel’s arc in s4 is the best example of what im talking about outside of s1-2. but anyways).

without these crucial themes and narratives, who ARE sam and dean? why do they even matter? what’s the value of them as characters? aus that strip away all those VERY important themes and plot points strip away the actual artistic value of the characters, and reduces them to objects of the audience’s emotional whims. the only reason u have any affection for these characters in aus is because you know and understand the source material, and you remember why those characters STARTED to matter to u in the first place. this is something that happens in a lot of fanfiction i think: the most essential themes of the original work are ignored for the sake of emotionally expedient scenarios where both writer and reader can clock out of having to do a bigger analysis of the story and just focus on, for example, a certain ship getting together and/or having sex, or a certain character getting a happy ending. and like i wont deny that theyre fun to read! they are essentially transplanting already-developed characters from their already-developed stories into a new fun scenario without the themes and narratives that actually made the characters compelling. and sure, sometimes a truly good author offers us a compelling new set of themes and narratives, ones that are interesting and make us think, but i’d argue that the characters in those rare good fics are 1. not...really the same characters from the show, since the story they’re in has been so completely transformed 2. basically shortcuts for the author to cut their teeth on writing original fiction. in any case, a vast majority of fics that remove the themes and narratives of the original story DONT offer a truly satisfying replacement, so the point is almost moot.

my answer, in short, is that aus without monster hunting destroy the character-theme-narrative cohesion that all good stories require, and by extension doesn’t require either author or reader to think critically about the story as a whole. you know that joke that goes around about supernatural just being a crate full of toys that we’re all sitting around and playing barbie dolls with? that is what the fics ur talking about basically are. it isn’t seriously engaging with a story as a piece of art, it’s grabbing a few barbies from a box and putting them in different clothes. and i think the fact that supernatural does fall apart both thematically and narratively so early in its incredibly long runtime is what allows people to treat it as a box of dolls, because most of the time it seems like the writers themselves treat the show as a box of dolls instead of a story that deserves respect and care and thought. so i actually do understand the urge to play with the barbies, so to speak, and to a certain extent i dont even think it’s a bad thing. but i DO think that sometimes, especially online, ESPECIALLY with a show like this where the lines between genuine engagement with the text and playing barbie dolls gets so blurred, people actually start to lose track of which is which, and THATS what irritates me. people start to view the ENTIRE STORY as just a way to see their personal favorite character do what they want that character to do. the character (and their emotional attachment to said character) becomes the whole reason for the story, instead of the story being the reason for the characters. playing barbie dolls is fine! but it DOES need to be balanced out with actual engagement, with literary analysis, with criticism if the story needs it (and my GOD does supernatural need criticism!), and there needs to be an understanding of the difference between genuine analysis and personal loyalty to a character. 

like, not to be a snob or anything, but it is important to engage truthfully and fairly with a text. things arent good just because you want them to be good, and stories can only offer you genuine satisfaction and critical/artistic growth if you truly engage with them. engaging with supernatural means thinking/writing about monsters and the Other, and to remove monstrosity as a theme and narrative hollows out the story completely.

[hinanamis]

do you have any thoughts/headcanons of kamunami *holds my hands out*

yes. absolutely. always. they have taken up permanent residence in my head.

under cut for length

generally speaking chiaki is probably one of the healthiest Relationship Options for izuru bc she 1) is very patient, understanding, and compassionate 2) also does not express herself very well, so she Understands that it’s smth that doesn’t come naturally to him 3) ALSO doesn’t put up with his shit when he’s being an ass, so he actually has the ability to learn and grow from being in any kind of relationship w her, platonic or romantic

he beats her in games Every Single Time bc he doesnt just have the gamer talent, he also has luck and a bunch of other talents that aid him. she doesn’t really mind losing and the idea of the challenge is kind of exciting for her

related, but he straight up Does Not Get how she can play the same game multiple times in a row. like, she knows whats gonna happen, isnt it... boring? if she can predict everything that happens? and she explains to him that theres value in things even if theyre predictable, and he doesnt really Get It, but the thought has now been put into his mind

he’s bad at showing affection so generally she’s the one who initiates things. though the times when he DOES initiate, its basically a one hit KO, which makes her wonder if maybe he’s holding back just so it has a stronger effect on her

he doesnt rly have a place to stay or... physical possessions... in most cases, so he tends to unofficially-officially move in with her very early on, if only bc she feels bad for him in a “god he’s like a stray animal” type of way. she also encourages him to like, get new clothes, items he might like, whatever, which takes a while to set in but once he does it becomes clear he DOES have personal preferences, it’s just that they were conditioned out of him by the project which literally took every last bit of personality left in him and scooped it out with an ice cream scoop

they do kind of. tend to argue a lot. and sometimes chiaki gets really heated bc hes saying some really mean things (mostly parroting his teachers from the project), and she stops talking to him for a bit bc she literally just Can’t deal with it (my own HC for (human) chiaki (AI chiaki is a good girl but for kamunami i usually default to human headcanons) is that she’s kind of unresponsive/unemotional is that she grew up in a particularly broken home, so any kind of arguments tend to wear on her VERY quickly bc Trauma) and after a while he claims he got bored of not talking to her so he like. not Apologizes necessarily? bc i dont think izuru, like, ever drops his pride enough to full-on apologize. but its an “agree to disagree” thing

that being said, it takes a LOT of work and effort, but i do think she’d genuinely be able to get him to like... see the value in things other than talent, eventually.

a lot of their time spent together is quality time adjacent (like he’s reading, she’s playing a game, they’re not doing the same thing but theyre just kinda Vibing nonverbally together) bc neither of them are... SUPER talkative? chiaki gets going about her games and he listens intently, but he rarely has very much to say at all. he just likes listening to her talk, he doesn’t feel the need to respond, but if she ever asks if he’s listening he can repeat back to her what she just said VERBATIM

chiaki sees izuru as his own person while also still being kind of an extension of hinata. they’re very, very different, but at least in the way i interpret it, he and hinata still share a lot of preferences and feelings (feelings izuru is unable to interpret nor act upon, but they’re still there). as such, chiaki would never like... want to get rid of or erase izuru just to have hinata back, even early on. 

she tries not to rely on his talents too much, but she’s so forgetful he ends up kind of like. taking on House Husband duties practically. cooking, cleaning, reminding her of appointments, taking care of any pets, watering plants, laundry, etc

in a universe where she survives her execution and joins future foundation, during the tragedy chiaki probably gets investigated Multiple Times for potentially being under the influence of despair purely bc when people talk abt how izuru kamukura is an inhuman monster and should be put down etc etc she’s ALWAYS there to defend him. like, yeah, he’s a piece of shit, but he was literally created to be that way, and don’t you think his entire existence is kind of sad and he deserves sympathy because he’s never had a chance to be anything other than what he was created to be by his cruel teachers and the steering committee? and they just stare at her and are like Ok Freak.

basically, kamunami = chiaki saying “listen. i KNOW he’s a piece of shit. but he’s MY piece of shit. and i like him, and kind of think he’s cute, and i want to help him become a better person by giving him a chance to be human, because he’s literally never had that opportunity before”

[lunar-fey]

gastroparesis, aka delayed gastric/stomach emptying

a short description of what it is and how it affects me and others :)

disclaimer: i am NOT a medical professional. most of this info was, however, told to me by doctors (with a bit of personal speculation and discussion of my own experiences thrown in).

First of all, what is gastroparesis and why am I making this post? 

As you can perhaps tell by the names, it’s a condition in which the nerve that controls the muscles to contract around the stomach to have little or no real function. I want to talk a little bit about it because it’s quite a rare condition (only abt 200k cases per year are diagnosed), yet it affects me every day, and people often seem to underestimate just how severe it can be.

But what exactly does that mean?

In function, it means that when I eat food, my stomach can’t naturally push the food out into the rest of my digestive tract - while individual cases my vary from only a small delay in digestion to my own case, where food seems to never naturally moved through my system, it’s not actually as life-threatening as it may sound (though in rare cases it can cause gastric blockages which can turn into more severe and life-threating issues).

In my case, after extensive radiographic tests (in which I, an 11 year old at the time, was repeatedly promised radioactive cookies, but got shitty powder “eggs” each time instead, then had to lay on a table still as the grave for 90 minutes) it was determined that even after 10 hours food had not yet left my stomach.

To compare that to average? Food usually moves out of a healthy persons stomach after about 30 minutes.

So if it’s not life-threating why does it suck so godsdamned much?

Unfortunately, as it turns out, food can turn and grow bacteria in your stomach! What you eat and how much should be regulated to prevent this as much as possible, but in the end, there’s not much to be done about it. You still have to eat something, somehow.

In the end, common symptoms vary from a light case just having some abdominal pain and occasional nausea, to my somewhat severe case wherein I am nauseas every day of my life! :’)

Also, it can cause significant amounts of malnutrition as well as issues with blood sugar, as your body doesn’t really...get anything out of food that’s staying in your stomach. Plus, the regular feeling of being totally full (because you are), makes it difficult to eat at times.

What the fuck? Is it genetic? Can I catch it?

Yes, and no. It can be genetic, and you can develop it throughout life, but it is not contagious.

While the specific cause (for non-genetic cases) is typically unknown, some things are known to potentially cause it - for example, the vegus nerve can be damaged during surgery, leading to it’s paralysis.

Certain pharmaceutical drugs can also cause it - in my case specifically, though the cause is unknown, I heavily suspect it was the adderall (simply because it caused me severe lack of appetite to the point that I was eating AS MUCH AS I COULD and only weighed 80lbs until I stopped taking it. If you ask my humble opinion as a person who isn’t a medical professional but grew up around a lot of doctors, that much malnutrition could probably have caused the damage.).

Well then, what can be done about it once you’re diagnosed?

Unfortunately, there is still no cure, although don’t look so grim after a diagnosis! It may not be so bad for you! There are treatments that exist, including a drug called Reglan (chemical name Metoclopramide).

Reglan causes basically controlled muscle spasms which allow the stomach to contract. For many people it works wonders! For me, on the other hand, not so much. Without going into detail, I will say I had a bad enough reaction that I was told to stop taking it after just one dose. Don’t let that scare you off, of course! The likelyhood is super low that you’ll have a similar reaction to me, and this was over a decade ago - the science and testing involved have only gotten better over time! In fact, the 90 minute radiology exams I did back then now only take 60 minutes :D

In addition to drugs intended to treat the disorder, in severe cases you may be able to get a prescription for antiemitic drugs (in my experience zofran works the best, but you’ll have to speak to your doctor about what may work best for you), which are those that prevent nausea and vomiting.

There are also diet changes that are supposed to help, such as certain food types to be avoided. A person with gastroparesis can also eat several (I’ve always been told 6) VERY small “meals” throughout the day, and this is supposed to help, though I haven’t personally had any luck with diet changes.

In the end, it would be really cool to see more awareness for this disorder :D

And don’t be afraid if you’re diagnosed, whether you have a relatively light case that barely impacts your life, or a severe case that impacts you every minute, you aren’t alone, and help is out there! Good luck!

[seoafin]

still the same prev anon, and omg the sukuna one. i feel like there’s a misconception of him especially in the int. fandom bc it’s not visible in the translation but jjk is influenced by buddhism heavily. there’s no real concept of good/ evil in it. and by that the whole power system is derived from it (speaking as a buddhist), there’s 2 main things that affect our karmic law : akusala and kusala. i wonmt be going too deep but just like jjk. examples on akusala are depression, melancholy (1)

sloth, those are not considered to b evil as we know it in eng. and kusala is the opposite but is NOT considered as “good”, examples are intelligent, skillful, contented, beneficial and good. basically kusala are what most buddhist should stride for, it’s possible to achieve enlightment thru sunyata first. meaning emptiness in the sense of recognition of good n evil being 2 opposing principles but not a reality, emptying the duality of them and acheieving a oneness. Tl;dr buddhism has always (2)

been abt suffering (negative emotions) and enlightment. and i’m,,,, somewhat confused when ppl are saying sukuna is evil. he’s not at least not in the western sense of the term. he’s chaotic. just pure, unaldurated chaos. he’s human nature completely stripped of its humanity and that’s why he’s so fascinating. seeing the fandom reducing him to the “mob boss who’s only capable of loving his s/o and would destroy the world if they wish so” is disheartening for me 😞 (3/ i forgot if i wrote 2)

and to an extension, he doesn’t have the capability of being compassionate that most ppl think. i’m not gonna namedrop but someone was basically like “DO NOT write dub/non con for sukuna” bc it just (idk what the exact word was i forgot but for me it sounds close to glorify) r*pe culture in fandoms which by no means i am doing it rn but the only time manga readers saw him as “compassionate” was that time with jogo being insecure of his power after that showdown with gojo and that was ONLY (4)

related to his strength not the “yea i saw the good in u </3 that the fandom constantly potrayed. and i can’t and won’t ever see him fit in the “being gentle for 1 person” trope. not that it’ll stop ppl from writing it that way 🥴 and no matter how u look at it, content creators put a lot of effort into what they’re making no matter how dark it is b i won’t ever shit on them for having a different take on jjk characters. (5)

how do u actually view sukuna or the jjk characters doe 👁👁 i've always wanted to ask but i kept forgetting until the post. tldr = i'm rambling abt the mischaracterization that the fandom constantly do and i'm so sry for putting this in ur inbox

Thank you for taking time out of your day to write all of this anon!! You didn’t annoy me in the slightest, and everything you said is super fascinating!

everything you said is RIGHT!! You put it so well! Buddhist influences are heavily incorporated in jjk and some examples are blatant like gojo's "I alone am the honored one" quote and sukuna's four arms, however there are also underlying buddhist themes in the manga that I do think western fans wouldn’t be able to get unless they’re somewhat familiar with Buddhism.

as western fans i feel like we have to be cognizant of these cultural differences and address them with cultural awareness and nuance (which is inevitably lost if when you’re just horny about characters which hey! isn’t bad!) But there’s a level of respect we have to treat characters with which means we can’t push our western assumptions onto these characters either (that’s also a reason why lgtbq/gender discourse on JAPANESE characters in JAPAN made by western fans always irritate me like you cannot carelessly approach these things without nuance!!) (yes I am @ ing the BNHA fandom lmaooo)

but you’re completely right about Sukuna’s character!! I myself cannot write Sukuna as anything other than what he is, and that is someone who wouldn’t be nice to his s/o (? can i even call it that?) I just...don’t think he’s capable of love (in the way we think about it anyway). Fondness....maybe...if you don’t bore him but typical love? Unfortunately no. I literally don’t think any relationship with Sukuna would be healthy in the slightest, and like I said, unless the reader’s a super freak (which, hey good for them!) It probs would veer into the noncon territory lmao

Also LOL this is funny but I also saw that post you’re referencing. While I did agree with some of the points made, I didn’t agree with all of them. Dub/non con is not the same as pedo****** and in*** and I say that as someone who studies theoretical media + I’m also a lab assistant in a media lab where we regularly talk about sexualized r*pe (aka written by men) vs fantasy r*pe. (If you guys want me to make a post about it going into more depth then I will)

i think you’re completely valid for having those feelings. especially as dichotomy between good and evil is always framed in the western sense of things, because that’s how western fans make sense of these concepts. Meaning does inevitably get lost in the translation (I haven't read jjk in Japanese but maybe I'll attempt it over the break if it isn’t too hard but i have a feeling that some of the terminology is going to go straight over my head lol) 

In the end, people are writing for fun so they might not be too inclined to well, care about these differences, and like I said before people can interpret the characters how’d they like, so I don’t really think about it much. But for me, I’d like to be mindful of jjk’s themes when writing about it!

[thengrace]

I’ve grew up SDA/learning about God, but I’ve recently ran into this Rev. on YouTube who gives small pep talks basically abt loving urself that I enjoy/agree with. Is this wrong/bad?

i’m not entirely familiar with seventh day adventist beliefs but this question could be answered for all denominations. to answer your question, no, i don’t think it is wrong or bad to enjoy a reverend who is giving small pep talks but only if you are only looking to them as a motivation speaker like you would other motivational speakers. if you are looking to them for spiritual guidance, then it could be going into problematic territory.

i think what’s important is your intention and view of them. a question you should ask yourself is: are you looking to them for spiritual guidance and knowledge like you would your local pastor? if that is the case, then it is problematic because God has appointed preachers with extensive knowledge of the Bible and teaching to do that for you already. and if your pastor isn’t doing that, find another church or listen to a pastor online who’s teachings are biblical.

the second question i would ask yourself is this: is the preacher biblical, or do they just sprinkle in a bible verse and then say things to make you feel good? remember that false prophets can look very attractive on the outside but are actually coming to you in “sheep’s clothing and inwardly are ravenous wolves” (matthew 7:15). furthermore, the devil is “prowling around like a roaring lion and seeking someone to devour” (1 peter 5:8). our pastors must be rooted in the bible and teaching to convict and lead us to repentance and deeper love for God and His Word. pastors weren’t appointed to make us “feel good” about ourselves - they were appointed to lead us to deeper intimacy and holiness while partnering with the Holy Spirit. 

i’ll end it with this: we need to practice asking the Holy Spirit for guidance and discernment whenever we make a decision whether it be to listen to this new pastor or to go to this new church. the Holy Spirit is so present and available to us and we must be intentional about asking for His guidance and discernment in our daily decisions.

[hiskillingjar]

yo is it ok to ask do u know what [redacted] did? it feels like an unspoken aspect of the fandom i cannot find any ss or any posts abt it and i just wanna know why he and gato r on bad terms now,,,, all i know is hes a freak

i’m putting this under the cut and putting a strike through b/td so it’s not in the tag

okay firstly i don’t know everything that went down, i just know what gato herself was comfortable telling. make your own mind up about all of this

ep always had an...edge to him, the few times i heard he and gato interact on streams and such. we all know gato is a sweetheart, but i felt like ep was rude and outright dismissive of fans of b/td. which like. okay whatever, be a dick, but when all the STUFF happened, i sort of knew that my gut was right for a reason

basically, ep was hugely HUGELY abusive towards gato, in all ways someone can be. he manipulated her out of a lot of money, he exploited her, I THINK he did some really sketchy sexual stuff (again think, not know) and also played a large part in gato’s divorce last year (her ex was basically in cahoots with ep and the two totally fucked her over). he essentially ruined her life on purpose and didn’t regret it for even a second. i know ep’s partner was also a part in all this, and gato said that he’d coerced people into sexual rp and nudes before and ep was complicit in that so. grim.

normally i would say “the author is dead, remove art from the artist blah blah” but i really don’t feel i can apply that in this situation. horror fandom only REALLY works i think when we know the creators don’t do the things they depict, but knowing what ep is capable of and what he contributed to both b/td and b/td2....it just ruins it ya know?

gato’s talked about this on her own blogs (late 2018 to mid 2019 was when it all unfolded i think) so if you wanna know about this more extensively, go and read what she has to say cus...i’m not tryna tell her story

anyway strade, ren, lawrence and rire are the only good boyfriends, stan gatobob and darqx

[chvmberlain]

whaddup it’s ur fave admin emily ( i’m legally required to be ur fave it’s part of being in the rp ) & here comes ur fave sinnamon roll... MONTY CHAMBERLAIN ! i’m shocked he’s still around on account of being the most annoying ever.

BACKGROUND ! tw for death & car accident.

little mr richie rich, first born son of triplets ( yes, triplets ) & was always regarded as the golden boy heir to his parents’ socialite ways & his dad’s many investments

carina & quincy, his fellow triplets, were his absolute bffs and the three of them did everything together

his parents were always a little distant, busy with, like, rich people parties and stuff. they only doted on the triplets when they were brought out to be shown off to their friends and then sent them right back w the nannies :/

monty was diagnosed with dyslexia pretty young, which is like... not a big deal at all, but his parents viewed him as Defective and Bad for it. instead of actually being there for their son, they just threw money at specialists to deal with The Problem & called it a day

here’s where carina & quincy come in ! the triplets were determined to be there for monty when their parents weren’t, and they did a pretty good job of it. eventually, they all went to monty’s specialist as a group, and learned exercises and activities to help him. 

when he ended up also being diagnosed w dyscalculia, the kids adapted like it was no big deal. meanwhile, monty’s dad didn’t even bother to show up to the meeting 

as they grew up, the triplets started making more of a splash at their parents’ parties, vibrant and beautiful whenever they made an appearance. they caught attention and held it, and when monty’s dad noticed this, he decided to take advantage of it

he asked monty to distract a fellow businessman for him, telling him to keep the man occupied as he talked to the chairman of his company’s board. monty, at that point still in the phase of his life where he wanted his father’s approval, eagerly agreed. he managed to hold the man’s attention long enough for his father to buy out his company from underneath him — and so began his career, long before bishop ever entered the picture

he only got better at it as his father pulled him into his schemes again and again, a charming young man capable of talking circles around anyone who’d listen ( and when monty smiled and opened his mouth, everyone would listen. he was magnetic )

the triplets remained joined at the hip over the years, all the way up until college, when they separated for the first time — carina went to harvard, quincy to princeton, and monty to yale. it was rough to adapt at first, but they called each other often to keep in touch

freshman year came & went, and the triplets were shipped off to their summer home in spain for their birthday at the end of july. each of them received a brand new car for their 19th, and monty won the game of rock paper scissors to determine that he was the first to take his new ride for a spin

on the drive, it started to rain, he took a turn too fast on the side of a hill — by the time he woke up from the crash, there was nothing monty and carina could do, pinned in place by the wreck. quincy died a couple hours later right in front of them, and it devastated monty & carina

though carina went back to school at the end of the summer, monty took a semester off, barely able to get out of bed, much less go to class. a semester turned into a year, and after a year... he stopped answering yale’s calls, letting his education fall by the wayside

he dove back into the game he’d always played on his father’s behalf, showing little remorse for what he was doing. he drifted farther away from carina, which is :/

until he got RECRUITED !

for the first time in a long time, monty feels like he has a purpose beyond fucking people over when his dad points and clicks. though he has yet to repair his relationship with carina, he feels like he’s found a sense of family again, and he’s really soft abt it okay

he’s Loud, talks a lot, thinks he’s hot shit, but also... is pretty charismatic ngl. a wiz with words, if u will. has a string of lovers and makes lots of friends who never seem to really get to know him bc he’s chasing that sense of #connection

angsty sad boy who doesn’t really know who he is :/ can’t have it all ig

it’s important to me that u know he currently owns an expensive pink house in new orleans. yes. pink. he regularly hosts pool parties there for the group, so do with that what u will. striker calls it the barbie dream house and that is absolutely 100% accurate

HEIST SKILLS !

DECEPTION & MANIPULATION: can lie like his life depends on it. he’s spent, like, a decade crafting elaborate lies to manipulate people into doing what he / his dad wants, so he’s pretty damn good at it

can also craft elaborate false identities for himself, including speaking other languages w flawless accents if the situation calls for it ( he grew up speaking english / spanish / french bc of his parents but also has others in his repertoire )

DISTRACTION: extension of above tbh but he’s fantastic w/distracting guards, employees, random passersby, etc bc he can make so much shit up on the spot. he’s also generally just persuasive and charming so people tend to listen to him when he opens his mouth

could probably also make a molotov cocktail if the situation called for it. distraction at all costs am i right

SEDUCTION: i mean.................................... it happens

MEMORY: homie regularly memorized guest lists for his parents’ parties & basically never forgets a name or face. don’t ask him to memorize the capitals of the 50 states or anything, but if it’s regarding people... he’s got that shit on lockdown

that’s all for now love u all xoxo

[sunsetsover]

I love your writing so much!! Do you still take prompts? If so could you write Ben and Callum dealing with/ calling out each others self destructive tendancies???

thank you so much!! i mean i don’t think i ever asked for prompts but i’ve been getting a steady stream of them anyway so ?? who am i to say no lmao???

i couldn’t really think of a way to work all of that into a fic so i hope you don’t mind headcanons instead!!! (also i am SO sorry this took so long!!)

callum dealing with ben’s self destructive behaviours:

ben has had like every self destructive behaviour going at different times in his life but the ones that worry callum the most are his excessive drinking when he’s in a bad place emotionally (esp after ben confesses that one of his biggest fears is that he’ll end up like his dad), his insistent, reckless criminal activity (bc it so often is reckless and also completely stupid) and his self esteem issues leading to self sabotage when it comes to their relationship (bc ben thinks he’s Terrible and that callum deserves better and so will try to push him away to prevent himself from being hurt in the long run (it never works))

and when they first get into a relationship callum feels like he can’t pull ben up on it.... like he doesn’t have the right... and also he’s scared of pushing ben away or pissing him off, leading to them breaking up or smth so for a while he just keeps his mouth shut and does his best to pick up the pieces after the fact

but after a while callum gets frustrated with it and eventually starts calling ben out about it - passing comments at first, but they (and he) eventually become more serious and he becomes less willing to let ben get away with doing his reckless bullshit

and it’s not until ben is doing some dodgy job (for his dad, which somehow makes it worse) and not only ends up black and blue, but also barely ends up outrunning the police that callum really, truly loses his shit. like it all comes tumbling out - everything he thinks, everything he feels in one long, endless stream while ben is sat on the couch nursing his bleeding forehead and potentially broken ribs.

callum tells him that he thinks he’s an idiot, first and foremost. ‘still doing all these stupid jobs for your dad, and for what? to prove a point? to prove you’re capable? that you’re a ‘real man’? it’s bullshit, ben. most of the time the only reason he calls up or comes around is because he wants something from ya, how have you not realized that by now? and now look at ya. look at the state you’re in. you think it does lexi any good, seeing you like this? you don’t even need to do these jobs, ben - you’ve got the arches, you’ve got the car lot; it’s not like you need the money. so what is it, ben? the thrill of it? or do you just like being being beaten up? is that it?’

ben tries to argue back, but callum is On One and he’s not having any of it

‘and what now- what, are you gonna drag yourself to e20 and drown your sorrows for the rest of the night? or am i the one who’s gonna have to get you something to drink? some liquid courage before you go and tell phil you’ve messed his job up?’

and that’s when callum sort of stops and really looks at ben. and ben looks fucking pitiful, sitting there. he looks destroyed by callum’s words. callum sits down on the opposite side of the room, suddenly feeling drained.

‘you can’t keep doing this. i can’t keep doing this - i think you’re alright and then all of a sudden you’re going off on one again and no one ever knows where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with and it- it scares me, ben. my phone rings and i’m scared that it’s gonna be the police, or a hospital, or worse.’ ‘alright, callum.’ ‘no it’s not alright! what if you had been caught today, ay? you’ve got previous, ben, you’d end up in prison-’ ‘alright!’ ‘-do you think lexi deserves that? only seeing her dad once a week during visitation, a table between you?’ ‘enough!’

and if ben didn’t look broken before, he certainly does now. looks fucking shattered.

‘i don’t want to lose you, ben. not to prison or to anything else.’

ben just beckons him over and callum practically folds himself into ben’s side (gently, bc ben is hurt). bc he’s angry, yes, but he’s also so, so relieved ben is here and not in some cell or a hospital bed. or worse. and ben just kisses his head and tries to think.

and you know, those stern words don’t fix everything, but ben certainly heard the message loud and clear. he tries to be better - only take the less risky jobs, always checks in with callum so he knows he’s alright. still drinks, but gets drunk less.

baby steps.

ben dealing with callum’s self destructive behaviours:

callum doesn’t really have self destructive behaviours in the same sense as ben - he’s more prone to just straight up self sabotage, though it’s not necessarily deliberate? like often he’ll do it without even realizing he’s doing it

like his relationship w ben - callum doesn’t really know how to be in a proper relationship! his only proper relationship was with whitney and then he would basically follow her lead and do whatever she wants bc he a) was inexperienced and b) was gay and keeping like a huge part of himself secret from her. so he’s used to staying quiet to keep the peace, probably thinks that’s normal. 

but ben hates it. hates that callum feels like he has to keep secrets or pretend he’s ok when he’s not just to keep ben happy. hates that he thinks that that’s how relationships work. and ben doesn’t really blame callum and doesn’t really get angry at him, but he does get frustrated bc callum doing all of that does lead to problems in their relationship.

and like ben just wants to help callum! but he can’t help when he doesn’t know what’s wrong! or that there even is anything wrong! because callum is so used to keeping secrets and having to hide who he is and how he truly feels away! and that’s something that they both kind of have to work on: ben has to learn to not get so frustrated abt the whole thing bc that just makes it worse, and callum has to work on being more open and honest about whatever’s bothering him, about the past, about his ptsd etc. and they do try, bc they both realize that if they don’t, their relationship is not going to work - callum especially.

and also extension to that: i’ve said it a million times but callum is too nice for his own good and that will lead him to spreading himself too thin just to keep everyone happy and/or to help everyone out, even when it means doing things he doesn’t really want to do (they’re complete opposites in that sense - there are a few exceptions but 95% of the time ben ain’t doin shit for no one unless there’s smth in it for him lmao). and that frustrates ben!! he’s like ‘who tf are you working so hard for! who are you stressing yourself out for! why are you overworking yourself to do extra shifts at the albert when you don’t even work there!!! you ain’t even gettin paid!!! like i know she’s my mum but she’s taking liberties!!!’

like it really frustrates ben to no end and he’s always telling callum that he needs to learn to say no to people bc he really will work himself into the ground one of these days and ben quite likes him where he is

but yeah apart from that? i don’t think callum has any other self destructive behaviours. literally he’s such an angel that the only self destructive behaviours are the fact that he’s so nice and wants so badly to help other people and keep everyone around him happy, even if it’s to his own detriment!!!

yh lmao sorry if this isn’t exactly what you had in mind, but i hope you enjoy it anyway anon (and again, sorry it took so long) 💞💞

[overplannedbutunnamednpc]

Jaded, Magic, Offspring, Vice for the alphabet one ... any characters you think are tasty but I would like to request that at least one be for Zephyr for development reasons (bonus if u want to make that be magic and talk abt her feelings on dunemancy as a controlled magic)

i’ll do all four for zephyr and also roll for others bc hehehe.........

Jaded: Do they buy into the “happily ever after” ideal? What’s their standard? Zephyr: not really??? I think growing up as an urchin kind of fucked that up even if she otherwise would. like, I’m sure the ideal in the kryn dynasty is what like. tbq and her wife have, with multiple lives and loving them through every one of them. but like. A) zephyr ain’t consecuted even if she says she is and B) she loves gent but that’s honestly probably her first real relationship and she kind of already knows that won’t end with a happily ever after because. she’s gonna still be in her elf twenties when gent dies. like, zephyrs actually kinda practical about this. she’s not gonna get a happily ever after with gent! she’s kinda accepted that even if she really doesn’t Like it. (and I’m very sad about it but that’s another post, elf lifetime meta included, if you want it). that said! she doesn’t think she won’t be happy! just that she’s smart enough to know that her relationships, such as they are, Will likely end in some pain for her, especially considering all the shit that comes along with a society with consecution. PC: Legacy - like. no? it feels ... cheap to her, I think. maybe it’s just me morgan not really believing in that stuff, but like. she grew up with nice parents who like. nothing was wrong with them of course! but like. she knows better, seeing them be in love with each other and fight and etc., she knows better than to think that anything could be happily ever after. she knows you gotta work at that shit, and I think she’s still figuring out how hard she’d want to work, if that makes sense. she does have a standard, though! she does want to fall in love or at least be infatuated/have someone be infatuated with her! it’s just an experience she wants. but considering her grandmother and her abilities... she kind of doubts she’ll ever be the prince OR princess in the fairytale, you know? NPC: Kiya - hh. Kiya knows better than to think happily ever after is in the cards. she’s got a pretty good thing going with MFU, she loves her employees, and I like the thot of her having a thing for one of them? but like. I’ve said it before: kiya isn’t really a ‘gets nice things for herself’ kind of person. so her standard is ‘it doesn’t happen in the first place.’ which is a little depressing, but hey! maybe she’ll be surprised.

Magic: In a magic series or not, are they accepting, or is each instance a shock? Zephyr: zephyr is a weird one because I like the idea of her being a little disbelieving that magic like. works for her, even though she’s a level 14 wizard with very specific knowledge of the arcane. I’m thinking about sir gentry and how he’s like, 50 years old by now or something. she didn’t look up the normal lifespan of a pet mouse until he was at least like. 10/15 because she just didn’t want to find out that he was about to die, and then she was kinda like ‘huh maybe... maybe he’s a magic mouse?’ (the in game explanation is that her dunamancy (time magic) is just. extending his life bc he hangs out with her and I think it’s cute and my dm loves me). but beyond that. I think it’s really fun if like. zephyr was NOT expecting to actually get into the academy? she made this whole plan expecting to at some point be found out but at least she’d have the knowledge, and then. She Wasn’t’? and she was obviously very happy that it worked!!! and I think she’s gotten more and more respect for her craft but it at least started as her going Wow alright this shit actually works? dope. now though I think she’s come to terms with it. she’s a level 14 wizard, she’s incredibly powerful really. magic for her is an extension of herself, to the point where she does it unconsciously (at least on sir gentry). she’s so skilled with dunamancy that she can just. choose to stop someone in time, five times a day. it’s exhausting, but she can just force a timeline on someone and have them be none the wiser. she’s Powerful, yo. and a lot of that power comes from sheer comfort with the subject, I think! I like that idea. PC: Zier - zier i think is very funny for this question because he like. JUST became a sorcerer and then levelled up super quickly in the span of like three or four months. but like. fundamentally, what happened was: 1. he ran away and got kidnapped and experimented on 2. he got away Somehow 3. he did magic at a giant spider 4. he ended up in another continent. so I think for him, it was surprising at first and he very much doesn’t know shit fuck all about magic, but he’s a noble boy through and through, and thus very quickly went “yeah i’m magical that fucks majorly because I fuck majorly.” it was basically him coming to terms with this new thing very quickly because he’s a bitch who likes the power. NPC: Coriander - coriander is the epitome of “is incredibly comfortable with magic.” for her, magic is essentially an assistive technology! she has darling who is basically a second pair of arms, legs, and an extra 8 feet of height so she can keep up with their partner and children who are much taller than she is. but I think a lot of the tech she develops is assistive or transportive in some way. coriander likes exploding things, but that’s more of a hobby. her actual magic works more like tech, and she treats it like a science.

Offspring: What kind of parent would they be? Would they prefer one, or multiple? Zephyr: much to think about.............. if she had kids I think she’d like multiple! she grew up completely alone so I think she’d want any kids to have siblings. as a parent I think she’d be good! i’ve been thinking about zephyr having very much Her People, who she likes, respects, and cares about to the point of fighting for and with them, and then Not Her People, who she kind of could give less of a shit about. her kids would def be Her People. she wouldn’t know exactly how to deal with them? I think for a bit there’d be a problem because she’d be stiff. she’d like her babies/kids very much! but she doesn’t know how to hold them. she doesn’t have experience talking to them. a baby cries and she tells it that theres nothing to cry over and logic at an infant doesn’t work and she goes bug eyed sasuke. but I think she’d figure it out eventually, and she’d be especially good at kids once they get to the “express their desires and disappointments in an understandable way.” perhaps she’d raise, on her own, very expressive kids because thats the only way they would be able to tell her what’s going on. PC: Sarril - :). he doesn’t know. but I think he would have been a good dad! his wife wanted multiple and so he would have had multiple, though he would have been very happy with only one. sarril was actively learning about Contact, so lots of hugs and holding for the babies and toddlers, especially with his wife and her family next to him. he’s always been a kind of calm and quiet man, and his way of showing love isn’t very Talkative, (i’ll talk about how he loves in another ask) so he’s more the dad who is At everything and is very quietly proud of everything his kid does, but unless there’s like, a crisis, he’s not likely to make it abundantly clear that he’s an adoring father. but you’d know from just like. he’s there, he’s tucking you in every night, he helps you with your homework, etc. NPC: Iris - iris wants kids SO BAD. she’d love one, she’d love multiple. part of being a part of a really terrible population crisis that may or may not be due to demonic influence, maybe, but she also just really wants kids. and she looked at cylthia and went “yeah alright we doing this?” I think iris with kids would be adoring almost to a fault. she’d LOVE those little bitches. she might spoil them rotten, but also they’d be super loved and have friends in all of glade and lent’s kids, and I think they’d eventually be cool.

Vice: What bad habits do they have? Is there something they would be ashamed of? Zephyr: shopaholic. i think a lot of her dresses come, if not free, at least steeply discounted because maybe she’s someone’s muse or maybe she did a huge favor for a dressmaker? haven’t decided yet. but definitely a lot of her paycheck (which I imagine she does get, from freelance jobs offering her wizarding services or maybe the dynasty pays her for the small wizard jobs like lighting the streets, bringing down and putting up and keeping up the night sky over rosohna, things like that) goes to dresses and accessories. she really likes spending money, and doesn’t mind so much about having it. I don’t think she’s ashamed of it, exactly? it’s her money, she’s spending it on things she likes. but it is probably indicative of Something. PC: Kenny - has a bad habit of being beholden to a god of fire who wants him to betray his friends. nah i think he’s got a bad habit of like now, scratching/rubbing soot off of himself. shit like that, where it’s a stimmy way of trying to get the ashen wolf’s influence off of him. he’s probably ashamed of it a little? because it’s the ashen wolf? but idk if it’s even really noticeable to others so that takes away a lot of the shame of it. NPC: Ecstasy - bad habits. of. not sharing her fucking feelings! she says thats STINKY but it kind of just fucks her over. like tbf with raini it kind of works because if she ever said she was in l*ve with raini the wizard might hightail it out of there but like. i think after two years she might have gotten away with it and didn’t even try. and now she’s kind of paying the price because not only does raini not remember her but it also doesn’t like, matter, maybe, because the feelings were ALWAYS unarticulated? so? she’s now just ????????

[ohsweetflips]

okay so bc i need to vent and also bc we all know the old song and dance of “jords is unable to vent post anywhere else,” i’m just gonna rant under the cut and i apologize to mobile users if mobile fucks up the read more :/

also i’d appreciate it if this wasn’t reblogged

also also feel free to ignore

i feel like i’ve kinda just officially hit a point in my life where, for the most part, things are not good or, at the very least, stagnant

like, it’s so easy for me to get sad and stressed and it’s, like, almost every day. like, i think the only day that i haven’t gotten down was wednesday bc it was my birthday, but even then, i kinda had to Work On It

and, like, beginning of september, things were alright!! but then, u know, all good things must come to an end

and i feel like i’ve been like this for months but honestly idk (tho, tbh, i think may and june were iffy, july was bad, august was exhausting [i think idk i can’t really remember but i also know parts of august were bad], the first two weeks of september were good, and now things feel consistently bad)

and like. things so easily set me off now?

and i feel tired and a bit sad and stuck and suffocated and, honestly? really lonely, and like it’s my own doing. like, i feel like i’ve just completely isolated myself

and tbh i think that’s why found family tropes always make me a bit sad underneath all the love bc i feel like i dont have that like everyone else does. like i have friends and best friends but i feel like i’ve just been pushing some of my closest friends away bc i rarely have the energy for shit anymore??? like idk, just last weekend, two of my best friends were home and i love them so much but i was so tired and so bad last weekend that, like, within an hour or two, i’d be ready to go home. and i still had fun!!!! but there was a part of me with this underlying exhaustion

and swim is kinda fucking me up bc i do love swimming and i love being on the team but i never want to go to practice anymore and the season only just started and i’m already waiting for january to come and for the season to end which is Bad bc i don’t wanna rush swim season and ik that i love it but i’m just,,,, so tired and unmotivated all the time and idk

and then with schoolwork, i feel like i just can’t do it anymore. i procrastinate on everything that i do. last year, i would be doing homework for hours every day to get everything done early and, last night, i nearly had a breakdown over having to do a discussion post (for readings that i did not do) and almost emailed my teacher at 10pm to ask for an extension

and, like, once i get my work started? i’m going!!! i’m doing it and it’s decent!!!!! but it’s the getting there that sucks, bc it takes me so long now

and i feel so pressured to do well and get a 4.0 again and just do everything perfect but i can barely bring myself to do shit anymore that i just feel like i’m going to let everyone down and people are going to realize really quickly that i can’t do all that i’ve wanted to

also my memory has been so bad lately and like!!! shit’s wild

and my sleep schedule is so fucked and i need to fix it bc i’m getting, like, on average, 5 or 6hrs a night, which isn’t enough for me, but like!!! i can’t get myself to be going to bed before 11 or 12. sometimes it’s bc i don’t want the next day to happen, and sometimes it’s bc i say that i’ll go to bed earlier and then i just don’t

also i have so many fun things coming up in the next week and being excited is so hard. like tm i’m going out for a very nice dinner w/ my parents for my birthday and, in my mind, it’s just like another Task i have to do. i have the taz and mbmbam shows next week and i am excited for those but my stress is currently outweighing my excitement

and like, all in all, things feel so shit rn like it feels like every day i’m making dumb posts like “ahaha time for sad o’clock” or whatever bc i can’t take myself seriously even tho i so badly Want To be taken seriously but!!! idk

like basically i’m at the point where if, like, every single week is like this, idk what i’m gonna do bc i’m not gonna be able to handle that

and also i feel stagnant and stuck and isolated and i feel like it’s all on me but like. idk how to fix that!!

anyways this is my rant post and it’s very embarrassing and i’m sorry if you stuck around to read all of this bc this basically became a pity party for myself bc i can’t talk to the people i care abt in my life abt my issues but i sure can scream into the ether as strangers read on. so, like, yeah.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

let's see those Prime Numbers for the ask meme

2) favorite albums?

well i was Ready for kesha’s album Warrior to come out in iiii think it was the end of 2012 or early 2013?? i snuck out to that tour in dc that summer also. totally solid album and it was fun to have something so fun during a totally Not Fun period lol. i was also pretty into owl city at the exact same time lmao, that’s Blatantly for when you’re depressed lol...and i also eventually saw that guy on tour when a new album came out in 2015, and that was fun too, and was Enjoying Myself a factor in the tipping point of “ah jeez i gots 2 get outta here” that i had in the next month? maybe! and uhhh i listened a lot to the phoenix te amo album. that one wasnt tied to anything at all but i have heard it So much. super short and also rock solid and relistenable. and then here we are and the bmc obcr is a gift to the world b/c a) it exists and b) Cuz It All Slaps and c) it’s so fun to either sing or dance along, or cry along if it’s the agtikbi reprise and d) lgw... and e) all the eternal, well-mixed wroland vocals

3) favorite memes?

oh god lmao idk......real earlier 10s stuff was the I Say Hey he-man meme, and the “that really rustles my jimmies” meme which was real underrated......there’s been plenty of Memes where i’ve been like “this one is funny to me Every Time” but of course now looking back on it it’s like. what’s a meme??? Vine

(skipping 5 & 11 cuz that’s the Entirety of someone else’s ask and i don’t wanna just have to scrap theirs completely and i’ll get to it next!!)

11) favorite fanarts?

you know what, there’s continuously been a ton of amazing fanart where i’m like, i’m so glad i’m seeing this, & this is Artistic Fuel, and marge simpson anime has really been just this Standout Experience lmao like......idk for as Inspiring as it is, there’s only a couple things i’ve drawn that are Directly inspired, but i just flip for it all the time and like, it’s supremely expressive and like, comics that aren’t chronological but more like a Collage Of a Moment / Concept which i think is super cool and also i love when stuff reminds me that it doesn’t have to look ~super cleaned up~ to look great.

13) favorite people you know?

oh god this one really got out of control lol i started like, talking about everyone ever from this past decade. so for Convenience i’m interpreting this as “people *i* know, but they don’t know me” so that i can cheat and say will roland, voted person of the year 2019. by extension, essential supporting crew who helped us reach this point, like john simpkins or joe iconis. leave it at that!! it’s 5am and you know i’m not lying. who knew where going “wow, This guy” in late 2018 would have so much Value.

17) a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

oof hmm.......amnesia tdd didn’t really have a “fandom” even though it obviously got a lot of attention, it’dve been fun if it had though lol. it’s tricky to answer this one cuz i always prefer like, smaller fandoms and/or finding the Niche or some other way of just like, interacting with a small corner of things, so i’m never like wow god damn wish i’d been absolutely in the thick of it with this thing. i’ve been in Corners n Niches and it’s been fine by me, really

19) a fandom that you had the best time in?

HMM lol.........marble hornets sure was fun but like, a lot of that was just the content itself and not necessarily The Fan Experience, tho i sure got a lot out of it in a ton of ways. i mean tbh that’s true of each thing i’ve really Gotten Into majorly, i go hard af and then walk out the other side with these #connections or #experiences like whoa where’d these come from lol!! but really like, overall, i’m probably having the best time right now. the “fandom” is basically just our agenda lmao but like i said i’m always having the best time when it’s a pretty niche deal, And the sheer variety of Contents n Characters to draw from here is super nice, and the fact that it’s like, oh yeah and i’m finally recognizing this should’ve-been-obvious entire Passionne i’ve had since always, and that’s great too, and like, also just having the Variety Of Live / Current Unfoldings that go down.....like, everyone havin fun with the Joe Iconis Xmas Xtrav was entirely great. and just the Engagement level is basically the best, cuz like there’s the times where maybe i’ll get a zillion notes and that’s definitely fun in its own way but i always enjoy just the way smaller amount of ppl who are Particularly Enthusiastic, and like, there’s times where like, maybe i’m *technically* in this larger circle of ppl but like, totally more of like a Tangent or peripheral to that circle or whatever lol........this feels like a really solid balance of like, being sorta in this orbit of people in a chill way, but also definitely the direct interactions Existing, which is always important lol but hasn’t always been a constant throughout my Fandom Experiences at all

23) who were you at the beginning of this decade?

2009-2010 was a real distinct year lol i was in my second year of college in the middle of my teens, when i’d hardly really been getting to Explore My Interests Freely up to that point and still wasn’t, but all of a sudden it’s like goddamn i have to figure out my major???? and i’m like, obviously in the middle of only just now Really getting to figure out my identity in this deeper and more genuine way, thanks to being lucky enough to Live On Campus and be away from home like, 2/3 of the year, but i was just like, oh god i’m in Stress Hell now all the time cuz like. i’m trying to figure out my whole thing and what my ~Career~ should be and i just have no idea but am like, trying super hard all the time lol it was not successful and i was just really stressed about it all the time. i was def quieter back then.....pretty lonely at the time, i did not get into mh and gain the presence of any Online Friends until late 2010, and i hadn’t yet been sort of accepted by a small faction of theatre people via my roommate’s connections.....i wasn’t at all Out yet, and was def In Progress of figuring it all out.....i didn’t have nearly the Self-Esteem i have now lmao, it was Not a great time and in a lot of ways ‘09-’10 was the start of a downturn into Worse Than Usual Times, though in Other ways it was definitely an upturn lol like. the latter related to stuff that was important to me / who i am, the former tied to the situations i was in and the godawful morale that resulted

29) a time when the worst case scenario happened but you pulled through?

well by the end of 2012 i had my Wrath Parent deluxe mad at me big time, AND i was stuck at home all of thee time with that (not at all hours but. every day.) it was terrible!!! tf was going on in 2013, cuz that shit was definitely like, a gross blur of a lot of indistinct misery. and then, relatedly, when it was so shitty in 2015 that i was like fantastic, i am so officially sick of this i’m outta here. i revisited some Misery Posts from that period lately for someone stranger on twitter’s project or something, and boy i was having a bad time Summer Of ‘15 lol, things not getting better at home And a job that was so shitty that it was like..................bye. lol. and then i spent a year living out of a minivan. which was real lucky in ways b/c like. infinitely better than if i had not had that minivan. and when that broke down i was also then lucky enough to have this friend who was relatively nearby who’d also been willing to just like, set me up to Not have to ask the lgbt center where that trans-friendly forest zone a couple cities over was. nothing as dramatic as it could’ve been, fortunately

31) a time you were scared?

hmmm when leaving The Parents Home overnight, that was intimidating. bit of completely jumping into the unknown there, and also like, when you spend your lifetime assuming that Someone’s Arbitrary Wrath will be uponst you always, it’s hard to shake that sense of dread and doom, like ah jeez i am really potentially bringing hell on myself here........and like i mentioned with Start Of The Decade, there was just a ton of fear there all the time lol, trying to figure out virtually overnight The Whole Of Who I Am And What I Want when i’d only just even gotten to start......also i wanna say i maybe came out in 2011?? and i sort of also felt obligated to come out to my parents also (plus i think i was giving them like, one last chance to surprise me and be decent and kind of Grow Up themselves even tho i was the like, 16 y.o.) which yknow, kids you do not have to come out to anyone at all. someone was talking the other day abt how they didn’t think lgbtq “discourse” had evolved as much as you’d hope over the past decade, but idk about that, it's only a little bit of a wildly complex topic, and for starters Online Trans “Discourse” of a decade back was wayyyyyy in a vastly different place than it is now, leaps and strides really. so the way to ~really~ do it was presented kind of more rigidly i think. anyways i did it via email and was incredibly stressed to even open the reply a couple days later lol......which ended up being really weird and vague, and then there was a phone call where no one brought it up, and the only result was increased ire and resentment :( ........and then there was still like, cops encounters! near or not-as-bad-as-they-could’ve-been vehicular collisions! but tbh generally my reaction to the latter was underwhelming, except for one particular time when i was a passenger and also tense af for the rest of the ride. that’s it for Immediate fear really lol......oh wait one time i was at this decent sized Convention Panel Event and when i’m nervous i can Only talk more (it’s possible!!) and i snuck into line for the q&a and Right when i got to the mic (intimidating) they were like oop we’re low on time, lightning round!! :’] that was obviously more just a crapton of l’anxiete

37) a fashion that fell out of style that you wish would make a resurgence?

were Gladiator sandals this decade? the strappy deals that like, went up the ankles / calves? that was in fashion for a year or two and i’m into it. i like sandals and that kind of drama

41) something you learned a lot that not a lot of other people might know about?

i don’t know that i learned way a lot of anything that’s real in-depth knowledge and niche lore.........i have learned Nothing

43) an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

i had???? lmao well either way let’s say current relationships count and like, pretty much everyone in my Sphere i value a lot! i never like, have or have had a ~close~ ring of ppl around me lol like i thought it was lucky if i talked to someone Every Day (and not at all the Usual thing) and now it’s more likely that i talk to two people every day and maybe that sounds sarcastic but it’s not at all lol. i know my social stats aren’t impressive but i so appreciate what i get to enjoy and have. and other Connections might be way more like, we are friendly acquaintances, we talk on rare occasions, we haven’t talked at all in ages, we talk but only to trade cute pics of cats, Etc etc, but i seriously do appreciate all of everyone who’s cool who i get to interact with in any way and like, be in each other’s spheres and Not just like, absolutely on nobody’s radar. also obviously soph you are here in that list in case i wasn’t implying it good enough lol it is 5am and god knows deciphering what i say at any time can be its own challenge.....ur Epic Highs and Lows of bmc 3.0 is so good lmao