#and i was in the same boat as lisa

[gooch-cancer]

(spoilers in the vid and following text!!) no cuz i totally understood what she meant by this scene cuz like omfg I WENT THRU THE SAME THING!!! i mean the dude wasn't sleeping with my sister but STILL !!!!

[hawkstincan]

my rewatch got to season 8

[randomthoughtssideblog]

I haven't seen anyone mention something interesting about the NSBU characters.

Usha's granddaughter, Lisa, offered to help Usha move out, and in with her. Usha refused, and made it sound like that wasn't the first time it was offered.

Both Liv and Wendell have scholarships for colleges. Neither of them are leaving.

Dang could've had a connection, maybe a bunch, someway to get his music out there on more than his own power.

Paula, meanwhile, doesn't have an outward means or reason of leaving, but her ex-husband and her kids are both out on a trip.

Russel is in much the same boat as Paula, one of Russell's few actual friends is out traveling the world, while He's still in the same place he's always been.

So what I'm wondering is;

Why are Paula and Russel different, watching others leave, while the other four have/had chances of getting out of their town and refused?

[schrodingers-romy]

For a Minute in the Sunlight [Togame Jo x Tomiyama Choji x Reader]

Pairing: Togame Jo x Tomiyama Choji x GN!Reader Word Count: ~1100 [Ao3 Link]

Summary: A conversation between Jo and reader about Choji in the aftermath of the Shishitoren fight

Warnings: None, other than maybe one suggestive comment, no gendered pronouns or terms are used for reader, reader has known Choji and Jo for a long time and was a witness to their fights, written with aged up characters in mind but no real mention of their ages in text

Notes: I love their relationship and I want to snuggle them both. Tempted to make a sequel with choji in a speaking role. Title is a lyric from djo's Change

Series Page | Next

“Is it bad that I feel almost jealous of him?” you murmured.

The roof the three of you were sitting on had a beautiful view of the sky. Overhead, it was dark, but the horizon was still pale purple with the fading light of the sun. Even though you hadn’t done anything (other than white-knuckle your seat as you watched the others fight), you still felt a bone-deep tiredness. You desperately wanted rest, yet your mind was running too rapidly for you to even hope to sleep.

Choji did not share your troubles. After the physical and emotional stress of the day, he had started to wobble when the sun was still high in the sky; once you offered to let him lay his head in your lap, he drifted off in minutes to the gentle rhythm of your hand carding through his hair.

It was Jo who seemed to be in the same boat as you. His back had an even more defined slouch to it than normal, and his loose hair gave the air of someone ready to crawl into bed after a long day; but his eyes were still bright and alert.

“Of who?” he murmured.

“Umemiya.��

Jo let out an inquisitive hum, subtly prompting you to continue.

Your eyes broke from the horizon, turning instead to the boy in your lap as you collected your thoughts. Despite the scrapes and dirt on his face, Choji looked better than he had in a long time. At his worst, he slept for only a few scattered hours at a time; the lack of sleep did not help his erratic behavior in the slightest, but it was all he could manage with his restless mind. Now, he was completely relaxed, and looking all the brighter for it. Previously tight facial muscles had loosened, causing his face to melt into an expression that reminded you simultaneously of the Mona Lisa’s enigmatic smile and the face of a satisfied, sleepy cat. You allowed your hand to drift from his wavy hair down, until your fingers were barely tracing the bridge of his button nose.

“I’m so happy he’s back,” you started.

Jo let out a shuddering breath. “Me too.”

“I am so, so glad he’s happy again. But. I don’t understand. Why it had to be him. To get Choji out of his…gloom, I mean. I’m glad he did, but—I hate that it was Umemiya. I hate that we weren’t enough,” you breathed. “I hate that we were with Choji, this whole time, and we couldn’t do what Umemiya could do in one fucking fight.”

Jo called your name quietly, but you continued on.

“I am so jealous of him, because he was what Choji needed. And we weren’t. Hell, who am I fooling, it’s because I wasn’t enough. At least you were fucking trying. I couldn’t do a single thing for him. And look where it got us.”

You fell silent. Your eyes were becoming wet, blurring Choji’s face; your throat was starting to burn, a tell-tale sign you were close to sobbing, but you gulped it back.

Jo spoke your name again, this time in a firmer tone. When you didn’t acknowledge him, he reached out, pinching your chin between two calloused fingertips and turning your head towards him.

His normal lazy expression was nowhere to be found; instead, he looked desolate. His luminous green eyes were damp, his dark brows were furrowed, and his mouth was pinched into a frown. He had shown more emotions in the last day than he had in ages, and the realization made you start to sniffle.

“Don’t take all the blame,” he murmured, holding eye contact as he spoke. “You weren’t his right-hand man...you don’t have the blood on your hands. Even through all this you were still good. I wasn’t.”

“Don’t put yourself down to make me feel better, Togame Jo,” you warned. You gave him your best serious face, which likely was ineffective given the tears beading in your eyes.

He chuckled. “Ehhh, okay. I’ll stop. Just for you, then.”

You gave him a wobbly smile back. It was nice to see him laugh once more in a way that wasn’t cruel.

“I know how you feel,” he said, voice serious. “I’m angry I couldn’t give Choji what he needed. But there’s nothing we can do…except be what he needs now.”

He said the last sentence firmly; there was a glint of determination in his eyes that made your heart lift.

“Promise me then. That we’ll both do our best for him,” you said.

“Of course. I promise.” Jo paused. “And I’ll do my best for you, too.”

“I’m going to take care of both of you, this time,” you said softly.

His next smile was so wide it caused his eyes to crinkle shut. “I look forward to it.”

He moved closer, until he could wrap one long arm around you and pull you to his side. You froze, at first, before letting out a sigh and melting into his comforting warmth. When you laid your head on his shoulder, he tilted his head to rest it on yours. His hand (the one not trapping your waist) moved to where yours had once been and began to stroke through Choji’s sandy hair.

You were so warm; surrounded by both of the people you cared for the most in the world. You could feel your eyes begin to droop, and your body lean into Jo’s more and more.

“Y’know,” you started, voice slurring from your exhaustion, “There’s another reason I’m jealous of Umemiya.”

“What?” Jo whispered, so low you could feel his voice rumbling through your body more than you could hear it.

“I kinda wish I was the one Choji bit.”

Jo’s subsequent bark of laughter was so sharp it caused Choji to shift in his sleep. You both stayed silent and still for a moment, but Choji just rotated until his face was pressed into your stomach before letting out a small snore.

Once the danger of waking Choji had passed, Jo spoke. “Me too,” he whispered. “Although, I would prefer it if he bit us in a slightly different context...”

Your heart stuttered. “Us?”

“Well, we’re all a package deal, right?” Jo turned his head enough to press the lightest of kisses to the top of your head.

It seemed like such a subtle culmination of everything you had felt for them for years now; but the proof that your affections weren’t unrequited (at least on one side) filled you with more warmth than any movie-perfect confession would have. If only because it was him. “Yeah,” you breathed. “We are.”

 You knew the three of you would need to have an actual conversation later, but it could wait until morning. For now, it was enough to drift to sleep on an abandoned rooftop, snuggled between the men you loved most.

[narcoticwriter]

I'm Finally Breaking My Silence.

I can't take it anymore. Someone has to know about this. It's been years since the realization dawned on me and years since I've kept my lips sealed, but I can bear it no longer.

It makes no fucking sense how the tall Genshin women have heels.

This is a meme, but I'm also on something else entirely. Maybe it's delusion.

I don't care if it's for the fanservice, I don't care if it's hot, and I certainly don't care if people like it because it makes no sense whatsoever.

I don't know how people can run around in varying landscapes and roads on heels. I don't know how the heel itself would survive such treatment. And I don't know how the wearer, no matter how skilled, would not trip and fall on their ass.

Some instances can be afforded more forgiveness than others, but this will not stop me from compiling a list of how I feel about them individually and as people:

Actual Insanity -

Beidou: The Alcor is a wooden boat. One day, that heel is slipping through a small hole in the floor, snapping off, and sending her careening across the starboard. Someone's going to laugh. And then they will be tossed into the brine before being pulled back out and promptly begging for forgiveness. I cry.

Jean: The Gunnhildrs are masochists. The pain is worth it for Mondstadt, as always. How does she do it, running around everywhere and carrying the Knights of Favonius on her back? There's no way that she doesn't kick off the boots while sitting at her desk when it becomes too much to bear.

Dehya: When she says that she wants to slay on the battlefield as much as her looks, I did not think that the shoes would also be a thing to consider. And in sand? Are you mad? Those heels are sinking. No wonder her burst cancels when she jumps. Imagine having to rework your precarious footing every single time.

Yelan: This sick woman unironically likes it. She probably enjoys the sensation of pain every single time it becomes borderline pleasurable. It doesn't help that she looks forward to it being treated too. Herbalist Gui is getting really sick of having to wrap her feet in gauze after slathering it with medicinal foot cream.

Rosaria: I don't know if she's capable of caring anymore, actually. She doesn't seem to process this the same. The woman has an aesthetic to commit to and she doesn't do anything halfway, including her fit. She says she doesn't get drunk, but you know damn well that it and the nicotine numb the pain.

Eula: Anyone who says that they can do reconnaissance work and wear those things is lying, and Eula Lawrence is no exception to this rule. To add insult to injury, she also has spurs on them. Spurs on those beasts of shoes. Respectfully, she needs to twist her ankle and be put on bedrest for the day, so she can think about it.

Candace: I can't believe that this mentally brought me to my fucking knees. How dare you? You live in an area that is mostly sand and dust! You go out in the night and kill things! You're constantly out and about taking care of things! WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH HIGH HEELS?!?

Shenhe: (head in hands) I don't even know if she knows that this isn't normal to wear. I'm going to Cloud Retainer's domain and demanding that she be put in something that makes more sense. She lives in the mountains for Archon's sake! She may not act entirely human, but trust me, she is one at the end of the day.

It Makes Some Sense -

Kujou Sara: She's won, actually. Geta are allegedly much more comfortable to wear than heels. She slays, stays stylish, and isn't suffering while doing so. Good for her, because this is one of the only wins she has in a long, long list of L's, mostly attributed to Yae Miko if you take the time to really look at it.

Lisa: Is she really going to be running around all that much? No! Because she has her little helpers to go around and do things for her. And even if she has to go around by herself, she does so at a rate that isn't breakneck speed. Also, I personally believe that she has some potions and enhancements to help out with it.

Ningguang: She barely gets a pass. Barely. I personally don't believe she takes that walk around the pier every day. It's every other day at the most consistent. At every other function, you can trust that she has a seat and that she's not on her feet. She can afford to have such accommodation.

Raiden Shogun: If her body wasn't a puppet that she made for herself, I would absolutely put her in the other category. She absolutely made sure that she wouldn't feel pain while wearing those things and it shows with how she's able to move like she does in combat.

Yae Miko: I won't call it foul and say that since she can shift into a kitsune form, she's not going into this category, but provide the proof in other ways. Do you really see her going anywhere in a hurry? Precisely the point. She could probably get away with people carrying her places.

[AAAAAA] -

Arlecchino: I have no words for the atrocity that is those heels. None at all. If I think about them too much, I'll start frothing at the mouth, and not in any good way.

Conclusion - My heart weeps prematurely for Clorinde and Navia. Fontainian fashion can kiss my ass. I mourn their feet.

[a-certain-romance]

sharing more housewife reader and making people happy fr

this time we got ladies w dicks to make it more intesting

dehya loves her house wife after awhile of being a merc and not being able to see her housewife and catching her ass in the kitchen she just has to bend you over and pull you head a bit while her dick is deep in you doggy style

then we have candace who would be falling inlove with the scent you bring to her house and cooking and cleaning whenever the villiage needed to be proctected just makes her want to 69 with you just so you cna enjoy her dick while also being pleasured at the same time<3

beidou and house wife reader mean that their gonna be dealing with their drunk wife(beidou) 24/7 beidou apperciaite whenever you take care of her while shes drunk and she loves her hard working wife so hard she hates the fact shes been ignoringnyou for drinks so in the small wave riders she fucks you deep and content letting you cock warm her and move your hips against her to just sob and beg her to just doggy style you instead of driving the boat but you arent lifting a finger till your at the island shes gonna fuck you at

jean and lisa w house wife reader is magical like lisa is very teasing and makes you moan every single time she slowly gropes you however for jean you can lay on her lap for hours being cormftable on her thigh without her knowing sometimes (but she does notice and kinda finds it cute) whenever yohr truly all in the mood lisa is on anal while jean just rubs infront of you so you can slowly suck on her sadly jean is a bit rough she doesnt it mean it tho!!:(( lisa always cormforts her by giving you or a her soft kiss and kissing your tears away whenever jean pounds you they can be so rough sometimes

ngl next is teacher reader and a kid falls inlove w them so jealous jealous jealous!!

A/N: I. Love. Long. Asks. Housewife anon ily & u read my mind I was just about to say u need a name atp! This is the most tags I’ve ever used on a fic haha. Also my tumblr is acting weird and I can’t see the words I pasted so pink font here we go.

Warnings: Smut written by a minor, anal (Deyha)(Beidou)(Lisa), Hair pulling (Deyha), 69 position (Candace), Oral R giving (Candace)(Jean), Confined spaces (Beidou), Creampie (Beidou), Cockwarming (Beidou), Plug w/ cock (Beidou), Spanking (Lisa), Pet names (Lisa:Kitten), crying (Jean), fluff (all)

Link to Pt1, Pt2, & Pt4

- The thing about Deyha is that she’s big

- Rather than shoving it as far as she can she eases into you slowly. And when her front meets your ass she’ll start playing with your clit to pass the time as you get used to the size.

- When she starts to thrust she’ll make you take her cock all the way to the hilt, back to the tip and all the way in again. Every time she moves it touches your inner walls in all the right places.

- Although she starts out gentle she will slowly begin to lose it. It’s been so long since she’s had your sweet cunt wrapped so tightly around her. She just can’t catch a break with being a merc and a bodyguard, so in this moment she just need to fuck your hard

- As your tongue rolls out of your mouth and drool starts to pool down to the marble countertops. She’ll stick 2 fingers down your throat and chide you for making such a mess so as she pounds away.

- You were a spice trader before you settled down in Arue village with Candace.

- Every time you came into her home you smelled like a blend of cinnamon and calla lillies. And now she gets to wake up to that scent every day.

- Your knowledge of spices leads you to always cook the most delicious meals and bake the most flavorful delicacies. Your reputation has made its way across your travels and Candace couldn’t feel any more lucky.

- On the days that a heavy sandstorm hits, you toil away in the kitchen baking batches upon batches of sweets to feed the entire village. You learned quicker that your dishes create a calming affect and it helps those with anxiety over the monsters in the sand.

- She’ll catch you handing them out after the sandstorm dies down and helps hand out the rest. Once everyone’s had their share you pack up the leftovers as Candace showers. Most times when Candace is out fighting for her village you welcome her back with soft sex. Everyone looks up to her for protection, and there’s so much on the line when she ventures out, not fully knowing if she’ll come back in one piece. Having you in her arms makes her believe she can withstand anything that comes her way.

- She’s so worked up this time around. She wastes no time in practically dragging you to the bed. She doesn’t know if she should pleasure you first or the other way around.

- So of course the only option was to set your pussy down on her face as you drop your mouth down to the base of her cock. Candace loves the feeling of your weight on her. It doesn’t matter if you feel you’re crushing her, your closeness is a reminder that you’re safe and sound, and going through all the scars and sandstorms are worth it if it means she gets to protect you.

- You finally let her cock enter your mouth, your thumb running up and down the length of the shaft and occasionally gripping it. At the same time Candace rolls her tongue into you further, and in seconds your cum starts to drip down her face.

- You pull your mouth out when her cock starts to twitch and you know her climax is coming. Ropes of her cum shoot out and paint your face, neck and breasts white

- Beidou drives the waverider far out onto the water but stops halfway to the island.

- You’re confused at first, why would she stop the boat in the middle of the water? She hops out from the drivers seat and pulls you down, now knowing that the reason she stopped was so she can fuck you without any distractions.

- Being in a such a small waverider gives her no other choice but to fuck well and deep, your panting even starts to fog up the windows with how rough she’s being. She doesn’t stop until her hot, thick cum is gushing out of you and dripping down your thighs.

- And she still feels so guilty for choosing drinks over you, so she keeps her dick plugged into you and has you cockwarm her until you reach the island. She just wants to be closer to you for as long as your here with her. Neither of you are fully satisfied, but she doesn’t let you ride her, not yet at least. Beidou knows she’s being a bit rough this time so she’s intent on focusing all her attention on you.

- When you get to the island she abruptly pulls out and guides you (and your wobbly legs) to a nice picnic laid out on the beach, blankets and baskets and everything. And there isn’t even any alcohol, only a sweet Sunsettia and Lavender Melon juice blend that she promises is worth dying for.

- Despite your pleas, she avoids anymore sexual contact until you’ve had your fair share of food and drink. Conversations with her flow freely, but you can just ignore the want between your legs.

- After you both packed up the remaining leftovers, she’ll shove you to lay down with your knees under your stomach, roll down your pants, and take you from behind. “This is what you wanted wasn’t it?” She grunts out, “You were just begging for me to ram my cock into you doggy style barely an hour ago”

- You should get rewarded like this more often

- Lisa’s groping you anywhere, and that doesn’t stop at just your body. No no no Lisa will take any chance to tease you whether that’s behind closed doors or against the Library stacks. It’s all worth it for the small noises you make, like you’re just a tiny little kitten under her.

- When she gets behind you she traces the curve of your ass before delivering spank after spank to hear your cries. Lisa might not admit it often, but hearing you beg really gets her going. There’s just something about your voice that makes her want to hear you reach your limits.

- Jean loves having you around! She’ll take up any chance that has you by her side, doesn’t matter when or where. She’ll tell you you’re cute plenty of times but she wholeheartedly believes that words can’t encompass how she feels about you.

- Jean’s sorry about being too rough with you, she really doesn’t mean it! It’s just that when she looks down on you and sees those needy, teary eyes obediently sucking on her length she can’t help but shove the rest of her cock farther down your throat. You always feel so filled and so content with the both of them.

- But let’s be honest, despite how rough they can be, aftercare with them is heaven. Lisa holds you in her arms while Jean draws a bath. When you all get in the tub Jean massages shampoo in your hair while Lisa sensually washes your body, not ever missing a single patch of skin.

- Lisa is always the he first to get out. Jean kisses every inch of your skin that she can reach as she wipes the suds off your body. When you and Jean finish drying off Lisa has prepared a tray with tea and scones for all of you to enjoy

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

🧚‍♀️ Anon

The Mummy 1999 Movie

Darling is a Librarian who dreams of becoming an Archaeologist (As she has a Degree in Egyptology) but has been constantly turned down, mainly because of her being a woman (Depending on the Timeline of which JJBA Part it’s more extreme to mild sexism)

This can either be with

1. Johnathan, Zeppeli, Speedwagon and Dio as the Mummy

2. Joseph, Caesar, Lisa Lisa and the Pillarmen as the Mummies

3. Jotaro, Old Joseph and DIO as the Mummy

4. Bruno and his Gang with Doppio as the loyal Servant to the Evil Pharaoh Diavolo

Darling accidentally awakens the Villainous Mummy when she read from the Ancient Egyptian Text/Scroll

Regardless of which Joestar, they discover they’re the Descendant/Reincarnation of the Pharaoh Johnathan and Late Pharaoh George

Dio/Kars/Diavolo intend to reward Darling by making her his Concubine, only to be smitten by her intelligence, wit, beauty and courage to try and stand up to him (And intend to make her his Queen, but he intends to Mummify Darling to make her Immortal like him)

The Joestars need to save Darling because only she can read the Ancient Egyptian Spells to stop Dio/Kars/Diavolo

What do you think? (Sorry for the constant posts, my ADHD is in hyperdrive right now with JoJo, Monster Movies and Scary Movies)

Oh ohhh ohhhh!

I don't remember a lot of the mummy 1999 because it has been ages since I watched it last but I did have a massive ancient Egypt phase (like to the point of making a 3d map of an ancient egyptan town along the nile with a village, farms, people, animals boats ect) as a kid and know quite a bit on the topic.

Jonathan and dio seem like a good pick as the Victorian Era was when England had a massive fascination with mummies.

Jonathan is an archeologist and is good friends with darling (she does have feeling for him but didn't have the courage to tell him) as they studied at the same university. He's always had a particular interest in ancient Egypt as his family has had a stone tablet in their line for generations that dates back to around that period. Darling has offered to transcribe the tablet for him but they've never gotten around to getting that done as both parties are too busy.

Darling works at the British museum as a librarian and trascriber as that was the only position they could get, as most expedition groups would turn her away.

One day the museum has a huge discovery delivered. The sarcophagus of a later Pharoah with the canopic jars and the many carved soldiers that were said to serve the Pharoah in the afterlife. As well as a stone tablet that darling is asigned to transcribe.

Darling speaks the inscriptions in the native language and the soldiers come to life and in full size. Attacking other workers in the museum. She tries hiding but is soon discovered and dragged over to the sarcophagus.

A voice speaks from within it. Offering them a place as a concubine for being the one to awaken him. Darling refuses, telling him that her heart is set on another, Jonathan Joestar.

Not taking kindly to the refusal, he demands his servants kill Jonathan. This leads to Jonathan getting attacked but is saved by his old teacher Mr Zeppeli who has knowledge of various cursed artifacts and had been trying to take the stone tablet and destroy it. Unfortunately the only way to stop the evil Pharoah Dio now is to find an ancient inscription that could undo the curse, however it has been lost to time.

They hide at the Joestar estate for awhile along with speedwagon, who warns Jonathan that the Pharoah has offered whoever can find Jonathan dead or alive a great sum of wealth.

During then Jonathan finds an old journal that links the tablet in his families possession to that off the lost one that Zeppeli mentioned.

During this time Dio's form has mostly regenerated. He's been using darling to get information about the world now as well as trying to whoo her but failing.

"I think I've mistaken you greatly (Y/n), someone as headstrong and intelligent as you is much more deserving of the title ḥmt nswt wrt (wife of king)" Dio would tell her. Of course she'd object but how so. At this point quite a few people have already taken to worshipping him (perhaps even a cult that has been worshipping him since his death and were aware of the tablet).

Of course he has them making preparations for darling to undergo the same ritual he went through. Which involves the actual mummifcation but being alive for at least part of the process. Which he is sure to explain in excruciating detail as he trails his still boney fingers across her abdomen. Luckily the ritual must start on the day of the summer solstice. Giving darling some time. But not a lot.

Jonathan would probably burst into the room just as the ritual was about to start.

(Sorry kinda went ham on my own thing but you do not understand how much I've wanted to have the excuse to write a yandere mummy scenario!)

[stardustedknuckles]

There was a woman sat on the curb with a typewriter when I left taco bell, with a sign taped to her folding table advertising personal poems written for you on the spot. And you know... Sometimes you have to let people surprise you. I stopped, in my Dyke shirt with my caduceus clay book in one hand, and I told her I've never seen a poem about asexuality that wasn't sad.

We chatted for a good fifteen minutes, in which she - self describing as hypersexual - asked me more about my experience. She had friends who were on the ace spectrum, which was a relief on my part to not start from zero, and I just told her what I could. About growing up with friends who would stop talking to me once they got partners and tell me I would understand one day, about how it feels a little like being in a musical but never having heard the words everyone else knows or learned the steps to the dance they're all doing in unison. We laughed together at the way I'm mystified by story plots that revolve around bad decisions made due to being just that horny, a situation she was intimately familiar with and having a 43-year life full of those stories.

At the end she asked if I happened to have a title in mind and at first there was nothing. I hate titles. I tend to default to song lyrics for ao3. But as soon as she asked, I remembered standing in the cafeteria in eighth grade and being annoyed that all the Greek gods of love were of that kind of love. I remember wondering if there was a god/dess of friendship, and I remember the closest I found was Philotes: goddess of friendship, affection, and sex. In eighth grade I took the last one with a kind of "that's close enough I guess" attitude, but at 30 I think it's perfect actually. Lack of attraction has nothing to do with what feels good. There's nothing out of place about it to me these days.

I hadn't thought about that in years, no idea why it came to mind except I was also thinking of eighth grade me when I talked about my friends fucking off one by one to be with their partners. She wrote down the spelling, thanked me warmly for the talk, and returned to her typewriter.

I spent the next half an hour with a delightful Dyke who gave me a business card, on which her title was printed - no joke - "Lesbian Mayor of (neighborhood)." She was my parents' age and when she remarked with the utmost sincerity and approval that "you're kind of a weird big bang theory" I choked down the feeling of being directly assaulted and said hey, my dad watches that.

At some point Lisa finished her work on her typewriter. When I arrived it was fully light out, but by then it was getting dark. She stood in front of the bench where I was, fumbled on the phone light, and read to me what she had typed. And damn if the first two sentences didn't take me right the fuck out immediately. "I thought in middle school that if I was ever going to write a poem it would be an ode to Philotes," I had told her, a memory that comes with the affectionate sort of cringe reserved for your twelve year old self, earnest as they still were. And the same feeling came over me as she read the poem out to me - but it wasn't cringe I felt. It was the feeling that I had started something in 2005 that was only taking real shape nearly 20 years later.

I don't know if it's a "good" poem. That was never my strength. But it was written for me and for me, and the opening line "build me an effigy that transcends flesh" knocked the breath out of me immediately. I have the paper here beside me on the couch, and it feels like the kind of thing that goes in a treasure box, or maybe a frame.

I also had to remind her to give me her zelle so I could pay her - clearly also affected, she had turned to start on the next poem (a raunchy sex limerick as requested by a guy in a backward ball cap and boat shoes) and had forgotten entirely.

It's gonna overdraw my account when an auto payment hits next Wednesday, but honestly... Worth it. I just wish the fee would've gone to her instead of the bank.

Let people surprise you.

[the-fiction-witch]

Hypothetically

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader (Bisexual)

Rating Smutty Discussions.

I sat pondering for a while on the stairs of the theatre's standing. Where often people lingered to watch surgeries. On the step above me sat Jack halfway down his bottle. But it had been one of those days.

“Jack?”

“Umm?”

“You think he'll live?”

“Hard to say. He'll survive I hope, not sure how much living he'll do”

“How so?”

“I just cut the guy's cock off. He'll be alive, will he be happy … different matter”

“I guess. How'd you feel?”

“When?”

“Someone cut your cock off?”

“Ohh I'd kill myself”

“Really?” I giggled

“I'm very attached to it I don't wanna live my life without it” he explained “That whole surgery had me ... crossing my damn legs”

“I imagine so, well don't do what he did”

“I'm not dumb. I'm not going to stick mine whenever the hell he did it. And then not clean it for a year. I'm attached to mine I take good care of it”

“Good to hear most don't”

“How so?’

“Most men don't take care of them”

“I'm well aware.”

“When was the last time you used it?”

“I use it daily?”

“You know what I mean”

“... You mean have sex?”

“Yes”

“Last time? Sunday I think.”

“You think?”

“I've had sex many times I don't always remember” he chuckled

“Many times?’

“Yes, many times. I was a sailor y/n”

“Ohh so you'd climb off your boat coins in hand to find yourself a pretty thing for the night?”

“You try being in a ship nine months without… wanting a little attention when you get to port”

“Understandable, I imagine there are girls from Tasmania to Tottenham who can tell tales of their night in the arms of Jack Dawkins” I giggled

“A few of them” he shrugs “What about you?’

“What about me?”

“When was the last time you… felt the touch of a man?”

“Ohh a couple of years back now”

“That long?”

“When one is a widow you don’t get much attention”

“I guess not. It must be hard for you. Not having attention I mean”

“I have attention”

“Do you?”

“Yeah I got some just last week”

He looked confused “What?’

“I had attention last week Thursday if I recall correctly”

He looked so very puzzled like trying to solve a zen riddle in his head

“Your husband had been dead for three years. You haven't had the touch of a man in several years. And you got attention last Thursday?’

“Correct”

“... How'd -” he froze up giving me a suspicious look “Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Did you… see a girl?”

“Yes”

He was utterly gobsmacked “You went to see a girl!’

“Yes Jack”

“And did what?!”

“I imagine the same thing you do when you go see a girl”

“But How'd you, do the -”

“We have hands. We have mouths. We have… wooden toys”

“Toy- oh my - really!’

“Yeah, this is really surprising for you?’

“Yes! So you… like, girls?”

“I do”

“But you were married?”

“Yes”

“So you like boys?’

“I like both”

“Both?”

“Yes Jack, both”

“Hu …” he said “That's certainly news to me”

“I get lonely same as you Jack”

“Yeah I imagine you do I didn't expect you to… see a girl about it”

“Who else would I see about it?”

“That's a very good point I don't know. Where do you go then? Out of curiosity?’

“Why?’

“I'm curious”

“cat and bagpipes”

“Really?”

“Yeah”

“Who do you… see there?”

“Why?”

“I wanna know I'm curious”

“Who did you see last time you were lonely?” I asked

He glared a moment before he checked the door “Hetti, was a few nights ago here.”

“Really?’ I giggled “ohh was she cold and lovely so she needed to come to share your bed?”

“Something like that, so who did you see?’ he asks sipping his drink

“Lisa”

Immediately he choked “Lisa! Lisa at the cat and bagpipes?”

“Yes Jack”

“... I… I've seen Lisa before”

“Have you now?”

“Yeah, I see her… every so often”

“Yeah she told me”

“She- she told you?”

“Yeah, we often chat after and she mentioned you come to see her sometimes”

“Is that uhh all she told you?’ he asked nervously

“That's all she told me” I smiled and he relaxed a little “Cutie”

“AHH!” He yelped “How do you know about that!”

“She told me”

“She did?”

“Yeah,”

“She uhh she's never said anything about you”

“Yeah I told her not to tell you I figured you'd… freak out”

“I'm not freaking out, perfectly normal to know that we… see the same girl”

“It's a small port jack everyone sees the same girls?”

“Good point”

“Is it weird for you?”

��... I guess not you are right everyone gets lonely”

“All right then”

“So you girls… do what exactly together?’

“Same thing you do together?”

“I highly doubt that. Because I have a very crucial element that you two don't”

“You mean your cock?”

“I do mean my cock”

“That's what the wooden toy is for”

“So you two…. Holy- okay! Good to know” he gulped

“It's very fun”

“I imagine it is”

“What about you? All those dark stormy nights at sea you ever … visited the boys next door?”

“No, I considered it I admit some very dark nights but no never did”

“You should, it's fun”

“Sounds it” he laughed

For a moment we sat quietly until he spoke again

“So… hypothetically, if one night I was going out to see Lisa? You potentially could also walk to me?”

“I could yes if I too wanted to see Lisa”

“So one night if we were both feeling lonely we could walk down to the cat and bagpipes together? So we wouldn't be walking alone and all?”

“We could Jack you're right” I laughed “But I am not having an argument with you”

“An argument?”

“Over who gets to go first.”

“Well, Hypothetically if we were there a the same time having walked together there’s no point one of us sitting outside and waiting.”

“Oh?”

“Makes more sense if we both just… go in with her.” he smirked “And then she’ll charge us for one not two”

“Now that is a very practical idea. That you clearly just thought of there Jack.”

“I thought so.”

“And What will you do? Sat in the room while Lisa and I?”

“Ohh I’m sure I’d find something to… occupy my time.”

“I’m sure you would” I giggled “Probably watching us.”

“Watching you? Now that is an idea.” he smirked sipping his drink

“Ohh I bet you’d get some perverted joy out of watching Lisa and I?”

“Would I?”

“I think you would. I imagine it to be very fun” I giggled

“What?”

“Lisa and I? With you sat watching us. Lisa and I discussed it in fact last week.”

“Y-you what!”

“You really think we don’t talk about you? We both thought it would be… thrilling indeed,”

“Thrilling?”

“Two young ladies, touching one another intimately. With a man to sit and watch them, when he fucks one of them regularly and has wanted to fuck the other since he met her.”

“How- How’d you know I wanted to-” He began but I gave him a kiss

“You told Lisa. So she told me.”

“I take it she’s told you most of my secrets then.”

“Any she thought I’d find interesting Jack.” I giggled sitting back against the steps

“So, hypothetically? As Lisa and I. And you and Lisa. and I was already there, possibly watching, do you think there could be any possibility of involvement?”

“Is that your very gentlemanly way of asking for a threeway?”

“Yes.”

“Okay”

“Okay!”

“Yeah, we’ve talked about that too” I giggled “I’d allow it hypothetically. But I don’t think it would be good for you.”

“Why not?”

I smirked, “We’d tear you to shreds.”

“Maybe I want you girls to tear me apart” He smirked back

“You’d get jealous.”

“Jealous? Of what?”

“How loud she screams for me. How loud she makes me scream”

“Maybe I would get jealous, all the more reason to get involved.”

“You might end up angry”

“Why?”

“Maybe our little toy might be bigger than you”

“Humm with everything Lisa’s told you I’m surprised she left my… mastery with my sword off.” he smirked I glared a little at his word choice and he just winked

“What time does Lisa stop working?”

“One why.”

“What time is it Jack?”

He got his pocket watch and checked the time “Uhh half eleven.”

“Shall we?”

“Are you serious?”

“Hypothetically? Should we go?”

He grabbed my face and kissed me with enough passion to floor an elephant “No more hypotheticals. Do you wanna do this?”

“I’m game if you are.”

“Fuck yeah” he smirked getting up grabbing my hand and dragging me off with him. 

[rose-and-thorn-fanfics]

Kars x Fem! OC (Ivy Joestar) Part 4

Weeks passed, and every night Ivy did the same thing. When the last sliver of sun disappeared over the waters surrounding the island fortress, she’d step out on the balcony of the room where she was staying… or more accurately being kept. She’d stare at the stars and try to remember the sounds of the names Kars had called them. They had sounded so beautiful on his lips…. A tear trickled down Ivy’s chin and dropped onto her chest in an icy splash. “Why haven’t you come for me yet?” Ivy whispered. “To think I feel more of a hostage now than before. No one cares to talk to me. Even Joseph who rarely shuts up hasn’t come to check in on me in a week. I’d like to think it’s because he’s training so hard in the art of Hamon. But…” Ivy’s words dropped off. Maybe she wasn’t as valuable to Kars as she’d hoped. Maybe those glimmers of humanity she’d seen in him were simply what she wanted to see. What she needed to see. Still, she loved him. Maybe too much, but he was all she wanted.

When the sun rose, Ivy left the balcony and retreated into her room. She didn’t eat much, and she slept through the days. What point was there to a world bathed in sunlight that Kars couldn’t visit her in.

Another few days passed, and in the middle of the day, the first visitor (who didn’t come to simply bring her food) opened the door, entering Ivy’s chambers. It was Lisa.

“Ivy? Ivy wake up. We are leaving.” Lisa said, shaking Ivy awake.

Ivy groaned, rubbing her eyes. “Whyyyyy?” She whined. Then a thought occurred to her that perked her up immediately. “Does he want me back? Are you taking me to—“

“—Stop dreaming, Ivy.” Lisa interrupted, dragging her out of bed. “The stone of Aja has been mailed to Switzerland.”

Ivy resisted Lisa’s grasp until she realized what Lisa Lisa was talking about. “The…. Red stone of Aja? You mean the one my Lord Kars wants?“

Lisa frowned. “Yes. That’s the one.”

“You had it?!” Ivy said frantically. “And they took it? Without taking me too?”

Lisa stopped dragging Ivy down the hall for a second. “Kars didn’t come here and take it, but his comrade Esidisi used his last breath to send it out of the country. Youre lucky your brother is alive, Ivy. He fought Esidisi alone.”

Realizing the gravity of Lisa Lisa’s words, Ivy became compliant and followed the woman to the car parked outside the fortress. An idea had formed in her head. A plan. She needed to see Joseph. She needed to tell him something. While Joseph’s friend/hamon training companion Caesar and his mentor Lisa were loading up the car quickly, Ivy made her way over to where Joseph was standing.

“Jojo, I need to talk with you. I have a plan on how to get the red stone of Aja back.” Ivy said urgently.

Joseph stretched and yawned “Hmmm. The next thing you’re going to say is ‘Lisa Lisa can trade me for the stone…’ am I right?” Joseph said, crossing his arms.

Ivy’s face turned red with frustration. “But Lisa Lisa CAN trade me for the stone! It would work! I promise….” She pleaded.

Joseph shook his head. “No sis. Not only would that fail, but even if there was a chance the pillarmen would trade for you I’d tell them to fuck off! You’re my sister. You think I don’t care what happens to you? You’d be better off making your case to Lisa Lisa. She’s the one who seems sick of you” Joseph shrugged. “Sorry I can’t help.”

Ivy was silent as she got into the car. All she could do was follow Lisa’s instructions. She felt helpless. No control over her destiny, and losing hope hour by hour that Kars cared for her on any level.

They took a boat off the island and then drove many hours until they reached the Swiss/italian border.

In front of them were German soldiers. Ivy wrinkled her nose with distaste. What an unpleasant surprise. Lisa had some sort of interaction with them, before getting back in the car.

“The German troops intercepted the mail. They have the red stone of Aja.” Lisa said, gritting her teeth with frustration.

“So….” Ivy began.

“Looks like that bastard Kars doesn’t have the stone after all.” Joseph commented. “Not that the Germans having it is a pleasant turn of events.”

Lisa explained how they would be staying at the German base in Switzerland and cooperating for the time being as she negotiated with someone named Stroheim for ownership of the stone.

“What’s so special about this gemstone anyway? Is it really worth cooperating with a bunch of Nazi bastards to try and get it back?” Ivy asked bitterly.

“If we don’t get it back from the Germans, Ivy, my entire lifelong guardianship of the stone will be worthless. The Germans think they can protect the stone from Kars and the pillarmen. They are naive to think so. The pillarmen will be undefeatable and completely immortal if we don’t negotiate and get the stone now. It will fall into the enemy’s hands. And humanity… will fall with it.” Lisa said, her voice only betraying her anxiety in the pauses between words.

Ivy didn’t ask any more questions. She reluctantly cooperated when they arrived at the German base. All she knew was she didn’t want to be there. Whatever that meant…

A few days passed by. Ivy waited for Kars to come like she did every night. He didn’t come. And there was that voice… repeating in the darkest corners of her mind…. “He doesn’t want you. Such a foolish girl. Thinking he would love you? How idiotic.” It got louder each night. ‘If he doesn’t want me… what’s the point?’ Ivy thought tearfully. She opened the drawer of her nightstand and stared at the gun inside. She had stolen it from a drunk German soldier. “I don’t want to be here…” she whispered shakily. She felt guilty. Guilty for even considering it. But then… what was she to anyone? She was just baggage, a silly fool that her brother and his mentor had to drag around with them to stop her from getting in trouble. And Kars…

Ivy locked the door, picking up the gun. She put it to her head, shaking. Then set it aside. Picking it up again after a few moments she examined it. She hated herself for considering it. But she didn’t really see a better option. She was tired of waiting. No one was coming for her. Ivy cocked the gun and lifted it to her skull. Three. Two—-

Bang. CRASH. The wall in front of Ivy was sliced by a giant curved blade from the outside, as easily as paper is cut by scissors. Ivy froze. As the wall fell away, it revealed a tall and shadowy figure with blades protruding from his arms. Kars. Ivy started sobbing, gun shaking in her hand. Kars approached her, blades gleaming in the light. He eyed her curiously, noting the gun she was lowering from her head. He dashed forward, skillfully knocking the gun from her hands and pinning her up against the wall behind her.

“Please…. lord Kars, if you have the time… please just kill me. I know you don’t have use for me anymore. But I can’t go on like this…” Ivy whispered, breathing shakily as she eyes how close his blades were to her neck.

Kars lowered himself a bit so he was eye level with Ivy instead of towering over her. “You think you can escape me, woman?” His red eyes glittered with intensity. His face was inches from hers.

Ivy closed her eyes. “Please… I—“ her lips were enveloped by the soft and passionate sensation of Kars mouth. He kissed her, gently. Ivy’s mind went blank. This was… something Lord Kars had never done. With all the times he had railed her, not a single time had he kissed her.

“Mmm….” Ivy sighed. She heard his blades retract back into his arms, and felt his arms wrap around her body to support her. His touch was restrained, gentle, a tight embrace but not selfish in its passion.

He drew back, admiring the look of shock on Ivy’s face, her lips still parted. “What a foolish little thing. I came to take what is mine, not to destroy it. Do you still want me to end your life?” Kars frowned.

Ivy shook her head, dazed. “I…. My….” She was at a loss for words.

“Good. Now, when I have attained the stone of Aja and use it, I will give it to you afterwards. It should look lovely draped across your breasts…” Kars smirked, placing his hand on her chest as he explained.

“D-Do you love me?” Ivy spouted, immediately regretting the words escaping her mouth. “I mean… it would be nice if….”

Kars blinked, examining her face for a moment then pulling her close. “Loathe as I am to admit it, my feelings for you… mortal, are extremely intense and inconvenient. I guess one might call that love. Yes…. Regardless. I will have you. My yōltzin.” He whispered.

Ivy’s cheeks felt hot just hearing him speak to her that way. “Yōltzin?”

“Precious heart. That’s what it means. I’ll teach you more later, little one.”

TUMBLR FANFIC TAG-LIST!

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[fookinstevienicks]

doctor odyssey 1x06 I Always Cry at Weddings livebog

cw: suicide

spoilers below the cut

god i love the structure of the episodes with the passengers coming through the blue tunnel with the weekly theme appropriate videos playing

why is the wedding party boarding in their wedding outfits? are they going straight to the ceremony? why am i even asking. they're doing it for the Aesthetique™️

this woman is literally every white girl i went to high school with

captain massey loves love. i love captain dad

how is he supposed to know where your mother is, bratleigh?

vaginismus 2 electric boogaloo lmao. vaginismus is the It Girl on ABC

MAX SAT ON THE BED WITH THEM WHILE THEY'RE ATTACHED AT THE COOCHIE WHY ARE YOU SO AWKWARD

max what made you think that himbo would know the scientific name of a rare strain of ringworm?

he absolutely is a complete jackass and he will not handle it and as medical professionals you should do it yourselves and you should also know that as medical professionals come ON

oh avery you are not very over it

i know bratleigh's mama voted for trump. i know she did

the only members of the wedding party i remember the names of are bennett and deyja

thank you for repeating your name so much eric so i can remember it

bratleigh is Lisa but i'ma keep calling her bratleigh until further notice

this is one of the best depictions of a panic attack i've ever seen on tv. "i have seen bad things. real bad things. and this is not one of them." like. this show is so stupid and so absolutely lovely at the same time.

what's your mommy gonna do bratleigh? it's ringworm

AVERY. NOT A GREAT STRATEGY. bratleigh is 100% going to turn on you like a rabid weasel.

and there it is. but that passive aggressive shade was A++ no notes

this scene of Eric in the dark blue hall with the beam of light shining on that awful cake is gorgeous. even the cake is less ugly.

if i didn't already know what happens i'd be really concerned about why he's walking around in his tuxedo but it's just so sad

the quick cut to black on an exhalation of breath is chilling. this is extremely well done. i'm impressed, stupid boat show (affectionate)

they had sensors that caught someone falling off the boat just a few episodes ago but not now?

thank you for asking the question captain i appreciate the exposition genuinely

i love how captain massey is a lifelong sailor but he's not hardened or unempathetic or macho. he's openly weeping in front of all of his passengers over the death of one of them. it would have been so easy for him to be a salty sea dog stereotype. don johnson you are doing a fucking fabulous job

i love my found boat family. i love captain dad.

oh mama. i'm sorry for calling you a trump voter.

all of these people ignoring how they and everyone around them feels to maintain an illusion created and imposed on them by white supremacist heteronormativity. repression don't help nobody including y'all.

i cannot believe they're breaking into wedding cake. i mean i also don't blame them. no reason to waste a perfectly good cake. also why am i pretending i don't think that's exactly what they would do i watch this show. just please don't let captain dad catch them he'd be so disappointed and i can't handle it

and now we're making bucketlists. see they can set goals for character development to tell interesting stories. (make a note timothy minear)

i love that tristan's nickname for max is doctor odyssey.

Tristan's bucketlist: kitesurf. you live on a cruise ship how have you not already taken an excursion to do that. that's more surprising than the threesome thing tbh. there's a whole pandemic avery and people don't wash their hands much less their everything else break a world record a dog, and a house on the beach fall in love and get married - boy with mommy issues just wants a family tristan we gon get you so loved in this developing throuple threeway

Avery's bucketlist: see the world be a doctor to know herself perform - looking forward to the philippa soo musical episode I HOPE YOU BUUUUUUUURN threesome

even if i didn't already know where this is going i'd know where this is going. this show is extremely unsubtle

Max's bucketlist: to see the world fall in love have kids for his life to have meaning a good threesome because he already had a bad one and everyone in this scene is pretending joshua jackson has not been a grade-A hottie for literally longer than tristan has been alive

eliza schuyler hamilton you slut

i'm sorry you have philippa soo looking at you like that with her leg over the arm of the couch you stop asking questions

AND IMMEDIATE CUT TO SUICIDE HOTLINE INFO OMG

i know they didn't mean it to be funny but i'm sorry it IS okay it's objectively funny that they cut from an extremely sexy threesome to the suicide hotline card. you know i'm right. YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT

on my momma Gay Week is going to be the most fun i have for the next four years

[e-dubbc11]

Happy Winter Sleepover! ❄️

“Send me a scene from one of my fics and I’ll write it from the other persons POV”

“The Sweetest Pain Series” Anna Chapter…I love how you write for Frank, so I’d love his POV on anything from that chapter pretty please. 🥰

Thank you for sending this in, my lovely! And thank you for being a part of my sleepover. This one was so fun and I hope you like it!

Scene from Anna: Frank’s POV

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.

Word Count: 838

Part of The Sweetest Pain Series

Bill told you they would be coming into the studio around 11:30.

It was always 11:30; why was that so hard to remember? As you sat out on the back porch of the studio watching a few boats moving down the river, you remembered that cold snowy day in January when your goddaughter was born. Wrapped in that standard hospital blanket, a little tuft of wild dark hair peeked out from the front of her little beanie cap.

She was just so precious.

It brought you back to the first time you held Lisa in your arms, your baby girl, and then Junior. But it also made you a little sad thinking about how much time you missed with them while you were overseas although you were trying to make up for it now by spending as much time as you possibly could with them when you weren’t working.

Not only did they name her after you but they wanted you to be her godfather. Maria was the one that started calling the two of you Big Raven and Little Raven and being her godfather actually brought your family closer together. It made going to the zoo fun again, watching Lisa and Junior point out the different animals to Anna and seeing the smile stretch across her face.

Her smile was just like Bill’s.

The kids doted over her and treated her like their little sister, sneaking her tastes of cotton candy, holding her hands so she wouldn’t get lost, and giving her little kisses when she asked for them.

A sly smile extended across your lips when you thought about the gifts you had bought for her. Anything that made an annoying noise, you just had to get for her because you knew it would bother the shit out of Bill. He had that look on his face as if to say “I’m gonna kill you.”

You checked your watch. 11:25

They would be here soon so you just sat back in your chair and waited to hear the tiny laugh that you loved so much coming from inside. Little Raven’s smile may be Bill’s but her laugh is just like her mother’s. She laughs with her entire body just like y/n does.

11:37

You thought you heard a little squeal coming from inside; they must be here.

You quickly stepped inside off of the back porch, looked around for Little Raven who was in Bill’s arms and said, “Is my goddaughter here?!! Come here, sweetheart!”

She asked to get down and took off running toward you with a big smile on her face. You snatched her up and started to playfully bite her neck which made her laugh and then she grabbed your nose. “Ow! You got my nose!” You cried out with Anna laughing while she did it.

Bill smiled a little.

“Well to be fair, it is a large target Frankie. Of course she would grab your nose.” He said as everyone laughed.

“You bein’ a good girl for Mommy today, yeah?” You asked her.

Anna nodded. “YEP!!”

She pointed at her t-shirt wanting you to look at it and then she pointed at her mother.

“Are you and Mommy wearin’ the same shirt?” You asked.

Little Raven wrinkled her nose and gave you a big smile.

“I’ll get you a Springsteen shirt to match mine, ok?” You said, tickling her stomach.

“Ok Uncle Frankie…down peeease!!” She said.

You smiled and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Oh it’s snack time, yeah?”

Anna gave him a shy smile and nodded.

Bending down, you set her on the floor and said, “Ok, well make sure Ed gives you all the big rice puffs.”

She waved her chubby little fingers at you. “Ok, bye bye!”

And she walked away to extort her snacks and stickers.

You looked over at Bill and y/n; they were whispering in each other’s ears and laughing. It was nice to finally see Bill so happy because you weren’t sure it would ever happen. But you were there the first time y/n walked through the studio door; you knew she was the one for Bill.

He was your best friend and he had been through so much in his life that you just wanted to see him get the love and life he deserved.

And now he had it; he had everything he had ever wanted.

Bill would never know how much it meant to you to have his child named after you. That little girl had you and Bill wrapped around her finger. He would try his hardest to be the best father to her because he never had one.

But if she ever needed anything, or wanted to talk about something that she didn’t really want to tell her parents about, you would be there for her, just like you would be for your own kids.

She will always be special to you…that precious little girl…your precious Little Raven.

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[yuri-is-online]

My brain is whirring in the blender right now so here are the things I think twst characters would find interesting/horrifying

Atom bombs. Why would they need atom bombs? Wars were either fought with magic or swords if lilias backstory is standard war procedure. And in endless halloween, leona tells a (fake) story about a terrorist group on a yaht party or something that attacked with a magic cube. Also that whole moment with Oppenheimer where he didn't know if igniting that bomb would set off a chain reaction that would ignite all the other bombs and basically destroy the world. AND HE STILL FUCKING DID IT.

Gun. Same reasons as the atom bombs.

French revolution and the reign of terror. What do you mean 40,000 were executed and over 300,000 locked up in the time span if a few years? Why did the "french" switch between so many governments so fast? Who the hell is napoleon?

Russian revolution and Anastasia. that revolution was MESSY. But imagine telling leona or someone about how everyone thought that princess Anastasia and her brother escaped execution cause they couldn't find their bodies with the rest of the royal family. So all these middle aged women just started coming out being like "I am Anastasia", and one of these women was eventually accepted as Anastasia. Until they found out that thr royal family were submerge in vats of acid after they were killed, and because children's bones aren't quite solid, the just. Melted in the acid.

The whole mystery of those villages getting up one day and dancing themselves to death and we still don't know why.

Medieval torture devices. Like the crowd cage or when you get covered in honey and sent away on a boat to be eaten alive by bugs (jamil throws up)

The black plauge. Just. The black plauge.

Early Industrial revolution working conditions. I think even azul would get uncomfortable with those.

Mansu Musa going on tour and giving away so much gold that he collapsed entire economies.

The cold War. "Yeah so the US and the USSR were in a war-not-war because of paranoia of nuclear atom bombs but they couldn't actually go to war because if they actually went to war that would just be the end of the world so they just had a massive dick messering contest. Oh yeah! That's actually why we got the space race!"

The space race. ("The fucking moon in the sky!" "Yes azul, the moon in the sky. And Mars. And there are satellites that literally went to the cold cold edge of our solar system" "...why are you guys insane?")

American prohibition laws and the outlawing of alcohol that everyone hated so much that the government legalized alcohol again and now we have this thing called moonshine.

Mexican revolution and the solid century where their presidents just kept getting assassinated.

The greatest night in pop "we are the world". Just as a treat for the pop music club.

The entire age of exploration honestly. "What do you mean half your world didn't know the other half of the world was there until a few centuries ago?" "Oh you're gonna shit yourself when you find out what Europeans did next"

What the Europeans did next.

The world wars. Lilia has a fucking stroke while listening to it. But some of it was funny! Not really but yk! A polish bear loading an artillery Canon, an unsinkable cat, that British guy that carried a bow and arrow and played bag pipes when the nazis found him only to be the most unkillable yet unserious guy ever, a US naval captain that literally FLOODED HALF HIS SHIP on D-Day just to tilt that bitch back so they could hit the Germans better, and the US just converting a spare ship into a massive ice cream machine is pretty fucking hilarious.

The coups of the ancient past. I don't really remember who but I think this Indian (?) Prince literally threw his brother out a window, dragged him back upstairs, only to throw him out again for good measure is fucking hilarious.

The mono Lisa wasn't famous until this Guy™ stole it from a museum. The museum employs didn't even realize it was gone until someone asked where it went 💀

The way we name our countries tbh. Most of them translate to some ancient language (Spain translates to "rabbits" and Columbia is "dove"), but twst really has countries like. "Scolding Sands ✨️ and Queendom of Roses ✨️. So our country names are probably really weird to them. Especially the full country names. Do you know Hong Kongs official name? It's long as shit.

The first chainsaw was invented by two socttish doctors in the early 1800s to help with childbirth

I have many more historically rambling I could go on but this shit is getting long.

If anyone at any point wants to ramble about history they are very welcome to do so in my literal dms and not just my ask box. I love history and I love talking about it!!!

I think out of all of the things you listed the atom bomb, the space race, and the Cold War would probably be the what I think the various twst boys would find most interesting. Even in the history of our own world those things were extremely unusual, the sheer scale of something like a world war is really hard to grasp and I doubt Twisted Wonderland has had a similar event. I think the concept of such a thing would really scare the cast, though I imagine Idia, Leona, and Lilia would be grimly impressed at just how creative people can be when it comes to destroying each other. Magic isn't required to make a mess of things, sure they already knew that but oh wow. Now they're really thinking about it.

Now you know who would want to talk about all of these things? Professor Trein! He'd be really interested in learning anything and everything Yuu can remember about the history of their world. As an educator it allows him better insight into his student, and as a lover of history he gets to learn a lot of new things no one else knows.

[triviareads]

Idk if you have watched the tv show Miss Scarlet and The Duke but if you have...could you recommend HR like that? 🤭

I watched a couple episodes! I think I got discouraged because everyone kept telling me how slow-burn it was, but I might pick it back up when I have time and emotional capacity for anything other than Jeopardy. I have some recs that fall under the general investigator/cop/mystery boat:

Bombshell by Sarah MacLean: Probably the one that fits your ask the most, and it's not just because Tommy Peck is a cop whose physical description sounds very similar to William Wellington's. He's also a gruff, no-nonsense hero paired with a loud and proud, somewhat messy heroine with a penchant for explosives and he's OBSESSED and also very exasperated for a lot of the book.

Her Protector's Pleasure by Grace Callaway: Grace Callaway in general will fit this vibe because they're very mystery/crime forward. This book's hero is then-cop Ambrose Kent (an Honorable cop, but don't worry he quits afterwards and opens his own detective agency; honestly, Grace Callaway was ahead of her time), a very unlikely hero considering he's POOR and BUILT LIKE A SCARECROW (but a hot one obvi). He's investigating society lady Marianne Draven (who is also doing some investigating of her own, and both their investigations collide).

The Duke Who Knew Too Much by Grace Callaway: The heroine is Ambrose Kent's sister and a plucky amateur (emphasis on the amateur; Emma accidentally almost sold her virginity at a brothel while investigating) investigator, while the hero is suspected of killing his paramour and keeps chasing after the heroine going "GODDAMMIT Emma".

Olivia and the Masked Duke by Grace Callaway: So this heroine is Emma's daughter, Livvy, and she's secretly an investigator who's a part of the HR version of Charlie's Angels. She's hopelessly in love/chasing after much-older friend Hadleigh all while hiding the fact that she's an investigator. This also has an element of him being annoyed for her safety while she investigates around London but the difference is a) she's a lot more qualified than her mom and b) this man's "punishment" (funishment?) includes spanking.

Fiona and the Enigmatic Earl by Grace Callaway: They're both investigators, well, he's a spy, but both Hawk and Fiona have secret jobs and both end up investigating the same situation, all while being in a marriage of convenience while hiding their secret identities

I feel like a lot of Elizabeth Hoyt's Maiden Lane books could qualify because even if they don't have the exact dynamic, a lot of them are set in the gritty underworld of London (St. Giles!), there's mystery subplots that deal with some pretty dark stuff, but there's a lot of vigilante justice going on (see: The Ghost of St. Giles). I'd strongly recommend the series as a whole if you're into any of this.

Lisa Kleypas wrote a cop series (her Bow Street Runners series) but none of them are very standout to me. I think Lady Sophia's Lover was good from what I remember, because Sophia is out for *revenge* and trying to seduce honorable? magistrate? Sir Ross Cannon.

[alxirai]

I had never felt so alive before, my heart pounding in my chest as I took my first steps into the land of Teyvat. Every inch of me felt like it was bursting with excitement and wonder. I had come to this land with a goal in mind, to find my long-lost twin and figure out what happened to them.

As I walked through the lush, green landscapes, I suddenly heard a voice calling my name. I turned around to see a tall, handsome man with long, flowing hair and piercing amber eyes. "Are you the traveler?" he asked, his voice low and soothing.

I nodded, not knowing what to say. He reached out his hand and I took it, allowing him to lead me to a small cottage in the distance. "My name is Aether," he said, his voice full of warmth. "It's nice to finally meet another person from another world in Teyvat."

I couldn't believe my luck. I had been searching high and low for any clues as to where my twin had gone, and now here was a person who looked just like me, and who seemed to be in the same boat.

"May I ask you something?" I finally found the courage to ask. "Do you know anything about the other sibling?"

He looked away, his face unreadable. "I don't know for sure. But I have a feeling that they've been taken advantage of by a group of powerful people in this world. They must be in a lot of danger."

My heart dropped at the thought of my twin being in trouble, but I knew that Aether was right. Whoever was behind all of this must be stopped at all costs.

"We have to find them," I whispered, my voice full of determination. "We have to stop them from hurting anyone else."

Aether looked up at me, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "I agree. But we can't do it alone. We need to find allies in this wild world. Are you ready?"

I smiled, feeling a rush of adrenaline as I nodded my head. "Let's do this." Aether and I travelled throughout Teyvat, gathering allies wherever we could. We met all kinds of people, from powerful warriors like Noelle and Amber, to wise scholars like Lisa and Kaeya. Each of them played their own unique role in our quest to uncover the truth about my twin, and each one brought their own special skills and knowledge to the group.

But as much as I enjoyed the company of my new friends, I couldn't shake the feeling that Aether was holding something back from me. There was a sense of tension in the air around him, and no matter how hard I tried to get him to open up to me, he would always brush off my questions with a vague response or a change of subject.

Finally, one evening as we sat around a fire, I decided to confront him. "Aether, what's really going on?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "Why won't you talk to me?"

At last, he looked at me with those piercing amber eyes, and for the first time, I saw a hint of sadness beneath his veneer of calmness. "I'm sorry, I know it must be hard for you. But there are certain things that I'm just not ready to share yet. I promise, I'll tell you everything in due time, but for now, I need your trust."

I felt a pang of disappointment in my chest, but I knew that he was right. Aether had been with me through everything, and if there was anyone in this world that I could trust, it was him.

So we continued our journey, my curiosity piqued by the mystery surrounding my twin and the powers we held within us. Together, with our motley crew of allies, we tackled any challenge that came our way, from battling huge monsters to solving complex puzzles. And through it all, our bond only grew stronger, as we worked towards the same goal of discovering the truth behind my lost twin's disappearance.

But even as the days passed and our adventures grew more and more exciting, I couldn't help but wonder what secrets Aether was keeping from me. And so, I resigned myself to the fact that some things were just meant to remain mysteries, at least for now.

As time went on, our friendship with Aether only grew stronger. He was everything I had ever wanted in a companion: strong, brave, and kind. And with each passing day, I found myself falling more and more in love with him.

Of course, I didn't want to ruin our friendship or make things awkward between us. So, I kept my feelings to myself, instead choosing to focus on our quest and our growing connection.

As we travelled throughout the lands of Teyvat, we faced all sorts of challenges and overcame great obstacles. With each victory, our bond deepened, and I found myself falling more and more in love with Aether.

I knew that I had to tell him how I felt, but I didn't know how. I was scared that I would put too much pressure on him or scare him away. But I knew that I couldn't keep my feelings a secret for much longer.

And so, one night as we sat by the campfire, I gathered up all my courage and professed my feelings to Aether. To my surprise, he didn't recoil in horror or back away from me. Instead, he looked at me with those warm amber eyes and smiled.

"I feel the same way, Traveler," He said softly, taking my hand in his. "I've been trying to figure out how to tell you, but I didn't know how. But you just made it so much easier for me."

And with that, we sealed our fate, starting a new chapter in our lives as partners, both in our quest for knowledge and in our growing love.

From that day forward, Aether was always by my side, through thick and thin. Our love only grew stronger with each passing day, and we knew that we were meant to be together, no matter what.

As we continued to explore the vast world of Teyvat, we faced many more dangers and challenges. But with Aether by my side, I knew that we could face anything that came our way, and come out the other side stronger then ever before.

And so, we continued on, hand in hand, as partners in life and in love, ready to face whatever the world might throw at us.

Hello, I don't know what I did. Haha it's like they switched roles but also not..? Idk😥

Enjoy this mess that I made.

[a-solitary-sea-rover-backup]

While we all hyperventilate about what will happen in the Louis Vuitton Cup final tomorrow, one thing is certain:

On Saturday the Women’s America’s Cup begins!

Is it possible the weather won’t cooperate and there could be a delay? Yes. Is this entire event arguably a dodge by the old boys’ club to get through another Cup cycle without hiring any female crew in the main event (even though women did compete in the 1992-2007 cycles) and didn’t Dawn Riley literally tell me it was “silly”? Also yes.

Are we still going to appreciate and celebrate these women because they are the world’s best inshore female sailors? You bet your life.

As the Port Olímpic event site buzzes with a who’s who of the best women sailors in the world, the New Zealand team are under no illusions at the level of talent across their competition, but also excited to get out racing after a long build-up.

“It's going to be awesome come Saturday to have six boats on the start line. It's a massive moment,” said Liv Mackay.

“We have all come into this, trained a lot and put a lot into it. So, I think for us we have to have a learning but attacking mindset because we feel like we're learning so much every time we sail. But at the same time, we are extremely competitive.”

As a SailGP commentator and presenter, Olympic medalist Lisa Darmanin has an approachable, casual style, a way of educating and entertaining her broadcast viewers and bringing them along for the sailboat ride.

But when the Women’s America’s Cup gets underway October 5, she will be in front of the TV cameras as starboard trimmer for the Australian team.

“I love learning,” she says. “I think the biggest thing I’ve learned with my journey is I never imagined that I was going to be an Olympian, and I never thought that I would be able to present to millions around the world about sailing on camera. I just took every opportunity, and then I worked hard.

“You must have some level of talent, but hard work beats talent every moment of the day. I always say you must believe in yourself because no one can do that for you. It’s hard to dream big, but don’t be scared.”