#and i want someone to love me as bad
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one day i am going to love someone like we're living at the cusp of doom, like lovers who got ceased a thousand times in a thousand lives before. ready to growl at the face of despair, so scarred by death, neither of us would no longer care. will love like there's no tomorrow, will love believing there's no one who is going to punish us for the sins we are committing. one day i will love someone and will be loved back with a force unreciprocated. one day i will hold a face and will be held in arms shaped like a home i would no longer aim to escape. one day i will stare into a pair of eyes that i'd find to be staring right back at mine and it wouldnât feel like drowning at all. rather, it would feel like being set free. it would feel like being saved.
#one day#!#manifesting#i want to be in love so bad#and i want someone to love me as bad#aaagggghhhh#on love#poem#???#words#rambles#:/#its just that...#its 2 in the morning and i feel so lonely#sigh
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love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking
#yes i want things to be free like ??? that is not a weird desire#'but but it costs money to keep up' ok and? how is that my problem#the government has plenty of murder dollars they could reallocate a few to make internet services universal if they wanted#also these companies were perfectly capable of supporting themselves before the internet got drowned with ads so ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ#edit: muting notifs on this post bc new additions have kind of petered out#so no one feel bad about adding something someone else has saidâ it is not bothering me im just trying to keep my#notifs page cleanish lol#also since i saw some people are being redirected to read my tags: firstly hiiiiii this is a special secret message for you:3#secondly i have learned since making this that the reason they were able to support themselves previously was because#of investors bankrolling everything#and theyre now finally realizing that theyre never going to actually make a profit and arent as willing to invest#however thats just a minor correction and doesnt change my overall point#once again. so many murder dollars#so thats why im just adding it here in the tags rather than making an actual correction#anyways . love yall đ#origibberish#bigger gibbers
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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I donât think weâve ever seen you draw knight of dawn before đ€ what are your thoughts about him? Or take?
I've drawn him a couple of times, just really little/in the background. but I should draw him more, I love this guy a lot! I have many, many thoughts about him and the way he parallels Silver...and also I think it is extremely funny that his ghost is stuck in a ring. especially considering where that ring has been for the last 16-ish years.
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#don't mind me just killing time waiting for maintenance to end so i can stick my face directly into 7-12#i mean i'm on the record (read: constantly posting) about how much i love the whole tragique backstory behind mal's birth#and. look. hold on it's a day ending in y time to be embarrassing about anime characters online again#no but really i love him. i love how he's such a vague figure but also the way his and silver's stories contrast#i cannot articulate it very well but just#i love how he's essentially like...bad end silver#he let himself go along with the big evil plan because he wanted to save his dad and not betray his king and all that#and when he finally did take a stand it was too late to stop the worst of it#meanwhile silver was immediately like NOPE WE'RE NOT DOING THIS#silver is NOT going to end up slaying the dragon thank you very much#me kicking my stupid little legs in glee over it all#and! the retrospect when you realize! that he was the one leading silver around lilia's memories!!!!#he is so happy that silver and lilia have each other!#he's so happy for them!#i want to put him in a can and hold him in my pocket for 16 years#also: his ridiculous hair. it's so silly and so good.#may vil never meet him#the knowledge that there's someone with naturally gorgeous hair who has somehow done it even dirtier than silver would destroy him
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Look what we've become.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
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doodles (as i avoid work) of the super awesome you wouldn't like me alive fic by @ectoplasmranch which i binge read in a 7 hour sitting yesterday
#𧻠sharts#danny phantom#danny fenton#dash baxter#i aint tagging everyone else. jazz was the most fun to doodle though#figuring out their faces was . hm. it was a moment. i hope i made jazz and danny look related enough HAHA probably not. i wanted jazz and#him to have the same eyes its just jazz still looks like a normal girl and danny looks like he's lost all zest and life for the world#like shit man if someone looked at me like that in the highschool hallway id be scared too i dont blame you dash#UGH DASH IS LIKE A GOLDEN RETRIEVER TO DRAW FOR THIS FIC. i love it so much. i love me a shitty guy turned nice#elderich horror danny is cool. im tag rambling now. my bad#this fic has a bit of a death grip on me. i need to be normal and go to bed#ALSO I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO DRAW TUCKER IM SO SORRY. HIS HAT. IT PAINS ME#anyway uhhh if u like danny phantom read dis fic? pretty please? for me? its at 127k words atm so. if youve got a day to spare#(dont be like i me i fucked up my eyes binge reading it LMFAO. be smarter)#guess ill die (danphantom)
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labels are optional btw. i've seen some people complain about microlabels and how they are confusing, unnecessary, but the thing is. those labels are OPTIONAL. the people who use microlabels are using them because they feel that's what works best for them. you don't have to use any label you don't want, even if it's description technically matches you. that's why things like ace and aro are spectrums. you could use a microlabel, or if you feel it works better to just call yourself ace/aro, or simply aspec, there's options. and you don't even have to use any of them if you don't want. you can go unlabeled. it's all up to you what you want to use for yourself. nobody is forcing you to use a label you don't want. that's literally the opposite of what we want htgfsdsf
my point is, if microlabels don't work for you, then just don't use them. don't start trying to invalidate others who do use them. microlabels exist so you have more options.
#lgbtq#queer#aspec#aro#ace#aroace#just putting that thought out there#i love microlabels so much but i can 100% understand why someone wouldn't want to use them as well#but just becuase they dont work for you doesnt NOT mean they are bad at all#i hope this was worded right lol#nothing specific really caused me to post this i just like thinking about this stuff haha
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no way she's alive ?? yea those mental health breaks because social media makes people suck are wild huh
#star wars#clone wars#star wars fanart#ahsoka tano#captain rex#anyway i bring you this a) because i'm going back to my tcw roots of late and b) because i miss them terribly#as you can see because i can't handle reality i put her in the novel design#cause wdym they split up after order 66 haha what no that didn't happen you're crazy#read it however you want idc ^^)b any interpretation of their dynamic is the best one i think#yea anyway in this amount of time i've gotten a lot better at anatomy and i don't really care about social media anymore#but i have like nowhere to put my art now so *shrug*#star wars the clone wars#artists on tumblr#i've wanted to do one of those post-type drawings and i am .-+ too lazy +-. to color it sooo#signature got cropped sigh. whatever#if you see a mistake no you don't. you know the drill#also i finally watched bad batch season 3 around christmastime and hewiutgeh.#singlehandedly took the show from a 4 to a 10 for me so thx dave filoni we love u as always >>>#lowk kinda missed it here *gazes fondly at the bot spam and screaming and cursing in my feed*#btw i have never used instagram in my life so if this is formatted wrong it's your fault. bye#someone tell me whether or not i should tag this as rxsk because i am very much debating#does tumblr even like them anymore ?? i know ao3 does they're still going crazy over there (>1k works God bless)#âbro's first post back and she's yapping her head offâ cmon you know me by now anyway can we talk about season 7 ahsoka#i find no fault in her. she is perfect. she is the greatest version of any star wars character ever at all#no i will not be thinking about whether or not anyone told her about fives. no i will not be thinking about whether or not anyone told echo#ok that's enough bye i'll wait for this to get four notes at most and three of them being comments screaming at me#one more thing uhh suspend your disbelief since anakin liked the post. rots didn't happen and everything is fine !!#my art
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smile, iruma! | hey ive been here before
#iruma suzuki#clara valac#azz alice asmodeus#love trio#m!ik#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun#irumas expression in the first one went through lotsa phases#lotsa extreme frusterated and sickly faces#which felt a little ooc to me cuz irumas someone who smiles in the face of despair#but also weâve seen iruma at his most frusterated and fed up in reaction to his parents#(at least until kalegos brother told him he was disgusting which btw we should jump him for that)#(and SORTA when gyari calls him ugly but that was less serious lol)#anyway i decided to try going for a very tired forced smile for this#abuse mention#<just in case#to me this is irumas parents presenting iruma to a camera for a family portrait so they can show off their darling little boy to friends#meanwhile darling little boy has been eating trash behind the mall they found him at#so hes tired and hungry cuz the last time he saw em was two months ago otherwise he would have faked it a little better#i think in this moment hes frustrated and a little disgusted by them#enough to almost deny the treats they dangle over him#but rule one (1) is iruma suzuki that cannot say no#im not sure i conveyed the little micro expression kinda frusteration that i wanted to but its close nough#style change for love trio suddenly iruma has lips my bad LOL#suits the theme tho! i think irumas genre; art style; life changes when he met those two#clarazz would hate being compared to irumas dusty ass parents in any way even as foils sorry to them for this post actually đ#ANYWAYâŠ#did u know love trio have the same smile?#fanart#my art
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no one has mentioned how ronan got confirmation that adam too wants a wedding someday, and on that same night he proposed. he wasted no time. he either snuck away and dreamt a ring in the middle of declanâs wedding celebration or already had it dreamt from before (he probably has a drawer full of rings already; adam has woken up to see said rings and pretended to be asleep so as not to embarrass ronan and for it to come from ronan when he's ready). the desperation is COMICAL to have adam locked down and made his. like ronan was taking no chances whatsoever. âoh, adam wants to get married one day too? let me make sure the wheels are turning for the wedding day from this minute forward. â heâs such a lover boy, so pathetically in love with adam
#we love a jealous ronan who will take no chances to make adam his#ronan is so down bad for adam its not even funny#i want someone to love me like ronan loves adam#pynch#ronan lynch#adam parrish#the raven cycle#the dreamer trilogy#tdt#trc#pynch married#pynch engagement
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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consumed with the urge to draw with ed holding cat. that's all
edit: metal arm wrong side bc canvas flip
#the legs look so fucked to me so cropped version first#edward elric#cat#I cannot explain#is it not self explanatory#probably bad to post this at 1 am my time but my impatience has always been strong and today is no different#fma#fma03#fullmetal alchemist#fmab#I really struggled with this and I still don't completely love it but I wanted to post something#it's been about a year since I first got BACK into fma#still into it lolol#fan art#anyway life updates... nothing really#I have been listening to hozier's new album for weeks and I saw him in concert which was awesome!#today I saw the PJO trailer and it brought me happiness#sketch#proportions are so fucked like I love edward's build but it really is hard for me to nail down#hope someone enjoys!
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Smearing da lipstick with Mr. pookie Crawling
#homicipher#homicipher fanart#mr crawling#homicipher art#mr crawling x mc#mr crawling homicipher#digital art#artists on tumblr#then I'll do mr scarletella#(mr crawling giggle noises)#tried to draw in that anime style from the 2000's#i just love that style#i shall do more#also sorry for the bad writting in japanese I just wanted to watermark this in a better way uhhh#someone teach me japanese plz
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Man, it's cool and all if you see a metaphor for marginalisation in the monstrous, and if you want the power fantasy of 'what if you could just eat anybody who threatened you/pissed you off'. Me too.
However, as soon as you start saying 'no, these monsters are a 1:1 on Specific Marginalised Group, and you have to treat them in the fiction like they are directly representative of real human members of the marginalised group', BUT you also, in the fiction, make them hurt/kill/eat humans? And then try to shame me, your audience, for noticing or engaging with the bit where they kill people, because you made them directly representative of a real-world marginalised group? You have lost me, and also, I think, the plot.
#hear yourself. for the love of whatever you cherish.#'but they only kill bigots so ACTUALLY they're the GOOD GUYS -' your metaphor of monstrosity is entirely premised on the question of#'what if what you went around righteously killing; believing your actions to be justified;#were actually people and it was not in fact righteous or justified to just kill them'#'what if the world isn't neatly split into 'good guys' and 'bad guys'#who gets to decide who or what is 'bad'? because that's the original problem of monstrosity-as-metaphor-for-marginalisation#(if as a creator you say 'oh my intention with this was X' cool!#if instead you go with something like. well.#'well in this setting monsters are so rare it doesn't matter that they kill people and you'd have to be a homicidal sadistic psychopath >#< to hunt them; but sure I guess if you want to play a Bad Person' well I might have#but if you're going to explicitly judge me for wanting to engage with the moral question of 'how justified is this and who would do it#versus how justified are these monsters if they do have to harm or kill people to continue to exist'#then maybe I just don't want to play your game at all)#anyway I'm sick to death of poor uwu cozy vampires who are SO marginalised so I'm not Allowed to care about all the people they murder#it being fucked up is what's fun about it! do all the other shit but let me take the murders seriously!#and inb4 someone accuses me of being a bigot for saying 'actually I don't think you get a free pass to kill and eat people if you're gay'#remember when the CW's famously reactionary and conservative Supernatural tried to just gloss over the part where every time its heroes >#< killed a demon with a magic knife it also killed the person the demon was possessing#and say 'oh no it's fine we don't care about those killings; they don't matter; don't bother caring about them either'#but they were doing it to glorify exactly the kind of people that these 'monster as metaphor' stories are trying to cast as expendable?#I have other examples that are like. real dramas. but That Paranormal Show is the one that's in the same niche that I'm talking about here#it feels more insidious when it comes through a fantasy show where there are monsters involved#so you can say 'no it's not real so it doesn't matter'#but then ALL of it is equally not real. and vampires are not actually an oppressed group. because they don't exist.#you can say 'these vampires are a metaphor for an oppressed group so this fiction matters in real life'#or you can say 'don't care about the murders because they weren't actually real'#but you can't say both and then get mad at ME for treating the murders as seriously as the vampires#let me engage with your premise and don't waste my fucking time#or just set your fluff in the Sesame Street universe where vampires drink cherry Kool-Aid and help kids learn to count
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He was just being a silly little guy!
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangyao#wen ruohan#nie mingjue#lan xichen#JGY's character is the zigging and zagging guy of all time#We love a little meow meow that can bite and scratch and kill you.#We also love a little meow meow that can mewl pathetically!#'He's evil now and torturing his former friend?" ZAG TIME: He's a spy and feels soooo awful about it!!#ZIG TIME: He (probably) didn't need to go that deep into the role and kill as many people as he did.#Something I really love about the sworn brother trio is how they reflect how our feelings distort our perception of others.#Lan Xichen represents how when we love/care about someone -anything they do can be endearing. They aren't manipulative: they are clever.#Its less about rose tinted glasses and more about reframing every look you get of them. The constant justifications you make for them.#They just need a space to be loved! âThey care for me so I will stand by them no matter what to show them I'm there for them!â#While NMJ represents how when you dislike someone - Everything they do is an affront or proof of their foul character.#Everything is a sign. Everything is 'proof' they are just as awful as you want them to be. Every 'good trait' is twisted.#The problem is that most people are just human. They are flawed and they are capable of good and bad things.#Meng Yao's motivations are very complex. Yet he's extremely human all the same. He isn't the saint nor the monster of the story.
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My page for @kairizine. It was such a huge honor to be part of this wonderful book with everyone, I had so much fun!
[id in alt!]
#kingdom hearts#kh#kh kairi#kh xion#kh namine#i don't really feel proud of my own stuff usually but#i really think this is the drawing i'm most proud of from this past year!! it made me think 'oh maybe i can draw' haha#i'm still kinda bad with colors but something clicked with this one. and i feel like i got the sentimental feeling i wanted!#ooh but this project's about flower symbolism so ramble incoming:#protea symbolizes resilience transformation and diversity; hollyhock means 'please remember me.'#so my general theme was finding a sense of self.#these 3 have struggled with finding their own identity; they tend to get left behind both in-universe and in general plotwise#and naminé and xion both resemble kairi and were overshadowed by her memory. but i feel like all 3 have transformed into their own people#xion and naminé have their faces covered partially by hollyhock to show their wish to be remembered for who they are-#instead of the parts that they share with someone else#and the protea bouquets show how they each held on and resiliently grew into their own person despite it all#i put a little swervy path on the hill behind kairi to give that hopeful sense of growth and moving forward. it's a little hard to see#hopefully that makes sense! i really love symbolism but i think in visuals so i'm really bad with words#but gosh working with everyone on this project was so fun. it was like impossible not to get swept up by the team's hype for this zine#i need to hunt down everybody's work and rb it#ohh and everybody's flowers are so crisply drawn it's insane!! i think if i lined all these flowers and leaves i'd die haha#fan art#my art#project stuff
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