#and i want rebecca to be the one who got away for luke like losing her is the biggest wake up call of his life

[hecksupremechips]

I love to imagine Rebecca as trans like it just has become so ingrained in my mind it feels weird it’s not canon. She realized at a young age and her parents were supportive and let her present how she wanted and they used her name and pronouns, but they weren’t around enough to go the extra mile for her and make sure she was being protected. She was the target of some pretty bad bullying at school, both from the students and the staff, and Ashton was the first person to defend her. Ashton is cishet (cuz I think it’s funny) and hes kinda ignorant at first but he tries his best and he just likes Rebecca and wants good things for her and he’s so emo he scares away the bullies lol. And this was definitely a big part in Rebecca gaining feelings for him he just showed her this special kinda care that no one else ever did, and it’s what makes her extra insecure as the years go by. Cuz she wonders if maybe the reason Ashton never seems to reciprocate her feelings is because she’s trans and he just never thought to see her as romance material as a result. Which is a line of thinking that gets out of control really bad and she never gets to have the closure she wants with it either

She tells Isabella that’s shes trans just cuz they’re best friends and it sorta comes up eventually. Isabella was a tomboy growing up so she can definitely relate to the bullying shit pretty well and they are very protective of each other and vow to beat up anyone who talks shit about the other. They also just open each other’s minds a bit, Isabella helps Rebecca feel more comfortable in knowing there’s many different ways to be a woman, Rebecca helps Isabella maybe explore her feelings about her own gender and whether or not she’s really attached to womanhood. Zach finds out in a more casual way, it’s just something he learns cuz it felt weird that he was the only one who didn’t know and well. He’s a good guy, he wouldn’t mind. It’s not something the two of them ever talk about really, aside from bonding over a few shared experiences with having to deal with assholes. And really, being trans just isn’t something Rebecca wants to talk about too much, just because she’s gotten to a point where’s she’s experienced being stealth and she knows how quickly people can turn on you when they know, and she understandably doesn’t wanna deal with that shit. But because her friends are so supportive, she doesn’t exhale and let herself just exist naturally around them and it does help her feel less insecure about who she is

Sexuality wise I think she’s "straight" I think she’s spent most of her life looking at Ashton and just assuming she’d be with a man but once she finally gets to give up on him she has Moments with Isabella or like a certain fondness for Marianne and their shared love of history and other nerd shit and shes just like. Uh Oh 😟

[dalekofchaos]

If you could've had your way with TWDG season 2 with Christa and Omid's baby and the 400 days gang, how do you think it could've gone?

First. Clem never finds Christa and Omid.

The beginning of season 2 would be about Clem finding Christa and Omid.

Christa is still pregnant and Christa is under the care of the 400 Days crew, everyone but Bonnie left Carver and are on the run. They are all suspicious of Clem when she arrives at their cabin, but when Christa tells them who she is, they let Clem go to Christa.

We'd find out Omid and Christa got separated when they were looking for Clem. More on that later.

Vince takes the role of Luke/Carlos in the game. Russell and Becca are wary around Clem but come around, Wyatt is the chill older brother and Shel is the mom friend. Kenny of course returns and when Kenny sees both Clem and Christa, there is a big reunion of them together.

Episode 2, instead of meeting Carver, we meet Troy(as was teased) same situation but he says “my boss needs me to find them”

When we get to the ski lodge, instead of meeting Kenny, we would meet Omid. Happy reunion between Clem, Omid and Christa

Kenny would take the role of Carver. Now before ya’ll come at me with pitchforks and torches, Kenny was supposedly planned to be the antagonist character for the second season. Gavin Hammon revealed this during his OMG!Con 2015 Q&A Panel alongside Melissa Hutchinson. He said that Kenny was supposed to be the leader of the community Luke and the cabin survivors fled from, so Kenny would be in the Carver role. I think it could’ve worked. Losing his family, losing Lee and nearly dying to save Ben or Christa could’ve pushed him over the edge.

Episode 3, you are tempted in choosing between your new friends or our old friend Kenny. But Clem realizes the Kenny she knew is long gone

Kenny blames Clem for everything. In Kenny’s POV, if Clem didn’t listen to The Stranger, Lee wouldn’t have gotten bitten, he wouldn’t have had to risk his life to try to save an already dying Ben or save Christa and they wouldn’t have lost the boat, they all would’ve gotten away. But due to Clem’s foolish childish desire to see her parents, everything fell apart. Again, this is Kenny’s perspective in this version

When the walkie-talkie plan goes down south, Vince is caught and as Clem prepares to turn herself in, Omid takes the blame is the one who is beat to a pulp

Seeing as Kenny has no attachment like Carver had for Rebecca, he does not catch them in the act(you’ll see why later) they are able to free themselves. Troy still gets shot in the dick but this time, it's Clem who shoots him.

In place of Carlos, Shel is the one who gets shot and eaten. Becca runs

Episode 4. They all make it to the meet up spot. The deal to get ready for the baby happens as planned. Clem and Russell find Shel and Wyatt. While Becca was not sheltered like Sarah, she finds apart of herself died with Shel, but Clem is able to get her to snap out. I like to think Clem, Becca and Russell would begin to have a close friendship rather than Clem and Jane. Before giving birth, Clem and Christa are picking out names and Clem suggests "Lee Jr" both Christa and Omid like that. In place of Arvo, it’s Eddie. Christa gives birth, but she dies. Before dying, Christa tells Clem to promise that she will take care of LJ no matter what, Clem promises. Near the end Eddie would bring back survivors from Kenny’s camp. Kenny has them surrounded. Bonnie tries to talk Kenny out of this and telling him they can all work together to survive. Kenny looks like he’s come to his senses, but raises the gun and shoots Bonnie. Episode 5. Kenny is hunting everyone down. He wants to kill Clem and Omid and take the baby for himself. The last survivors are Clem, LJ, Becca and Russell. Omid sacrifices himself to save Clem. Clem shoots Kenny and for a brief moment, the old Kenny resurfaces and realizes the horrible things he’s done and apologizes. We would have a choice to forgive him, say Kenny will see Duck and Katja or to condemn Kenny

TNF and The Final season. Ideally I would just mix both seasons together. It would just be Clem, Russell and Becca protecting LJ in Wellington and LJ coming into his own. Lilly returns as the villain to attack and raid Wellington and we have to protect our home. We can choose between Russell or Becca to romance. I would honestly have us go to The Delta and face the leader. The only person who makes sense to be the leader for The Delta is Nate from 400 Days. Nate will try to kill our love interest and Clem kills Nate. The Delta falls apart and after freeing Wellington's people and our friends, we escape. Lilly takes Minnie's place. Clem gets bit and LJ chops her foot off. Clem shares a tender moment with her love interest and a cutsey moment with LJ and end with Chloe looking at peace.

That way we have a season that actually gives us answers about Christa, Omid isn't killed instantly, we take care of Omid and Christa's baby instead of AJ and does something for Vince, Wyatt, Shel, Becca and Russell instead of minor cameos and never doing anything for them again. While it's sad that this version doesn't have Javi, Kate, Gabe or the Ericson school. I think it's more important to have the final season be about Clem and co living in Wellington and defending their new home.

[screenviolense]

all my ship tags as of now (romantic and otherwise) they are not alphabetized

✦ ZATANNA & JOHN        *    no grave can hold my body down; i’ll come home to her

✦ MILLIE & ROSAL        *    she lit a fire and now she’s in my every thought

✦ KINSEY & FLOYD        *    you left a note in your perfect script: stay as long as you want. and i haven't left your bed since

✦ LIZA & JASON        *    i hope you die. i hope we both die

✦ SASHA & TIM        *    as if i am alive only because i remember you

✦ ANAIS & MAHANON        *    you and i are not the polite people who live in poems

✦ JEAN & DILUC        *    is this the place we used to love? is this the place that i've been dreaming of?

✦ JEAN & KAEYA        *    meet me at our spot. they can't find us there

✦ ARRI & CULLEN        *    you put your hand in mine and pulled me back from things divine

✦ ANYA & ANDI        *    i walked with you once upon a dream

✦ CAROLINE & RICK        *    we’re gonna die and maybe it’s gonna be alone

✦ IMELDA & HECTOR        *    i remember that feeling. when my husband would play and i would sing and nothing else mattered

✦ SOPHIE & HOWL        *    i know how to help you now. find me in the future

✦ BECKETT & CASTLE        *    stop and stare: i think i'm moving but i go nowhere

✦ ELENA & NATHAN        *    we were strangers starting out on a journey

✦ ROBIN & CHROM        *    you are the wind at my back and the sword at my side

✦ ROSEMARY & JACK        *    and at least in this lifetime we're sticking together

✦ CAMILA & JOSE        *    i'd suffer hell if you'd tell me what you'd do to me tonight

✦ REBECCA & JEROME        *    for if i am not their shepherd then i must be the wolf

✦ SARAH & DEACON        *    but i’ll walk beside you love. anywhere the wind blows

✦ JULIET & SHAWN        *    since i met you i've been thinking about getting a car

✦ CAT & VINCENT        *    do you know what loneliness does to a man?

✦ ROSE & MELISSA        *    can i dream for a few months more?

✦ PENNY & ALEX        *    woke up in a safe house singing let’s get married

✦ PENNY & HALEY        *    go ahead let your hair down

✦ JULIET & LASSIE        *    i’ll be going to get my partner now

✦ CINDY & ZIGGY        *    i won’t let anything pull us apart again

✦ ALBERT & AMELIA        *    me and mrs. jones we got a thing going on

✦ RUTHERFORD FAMILY        *    to be cut off from one’s family is its own very special sort of loneliness

✦ MORTIE & KEATS        *    you don't hear me saying anything crazy about their weird little relationship!

✦ BARBARA & DICK        *    does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes?

✦ GUSTAV & JACQUELYN        *    i’m sorry i had nothing to say that night

✦ BENEDICT & SOPHIE        *    in her heart she longed for this man; dreamed of a life that could never be

✦ KATE & ANTHONY        *    you are the bane of my existence and the object of all my desires

✦ TAYLOR & LESLIE        *    i knew you were the one

✦ DANI & JAMIE        *    you said it was a ghost story. it isn’t. it’s a love story

✦ CASSIE & NATHAN        *    treasure hunting runs in the family

✦ JOYCE & HOPPER        *    watchin' in slow motion as you turn my way and say take my breath away

✦ LAURA & MAX        *    can we go home now?

✦ LAURA & TRAVIS        *    you think this is over? this isn’t over

✦ KINSEY & AARON        *    everything's growing in our garden. you don't have to know that it's haunted

✦ MILLIE & JOHN        *    our whole lives have been wasted just staring across the church

✦ BILLY & TRAVIS        *    i dream most every night that i never left you

✦ VERONICA & TRAVIS        *    but i never lost this feeling or this pounding in my chest

✦ SNOW & BIGBY        *    you are the moon that breaks the night for which i have to howl

✦ LEIA & HAN        *    captain; being held by you isn’t quite enough to get me excited

✦ GARCIA & LUKE        *    maybe there was a slight chink in your fluffy armor

✦ LEIA & FLOYD        *    i read the graffiti in the bathroom stall

✦ KINSEY & LUKE        *    damn i wish i was your lover

✦ KINSEY & DC        *    i never did believe in miracles but i've a feeling it's time to try

✦ NANA & HAURCHEFANT        *    i would rather break the world than lose you

✦ AUSTIN & SPENCER        *    i never did believe in the ways of magic but i'm beginning to wonder why

✦ LOIS & CLARK        *    here i am like a kid out of school. holding hands with a god

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

Am I a fool to think that there's a little hope - Part 4

This fic is growing yet I feel like I'm only writing a tiny bit at a time. Anyway I'm playing fast and loose with prison visiting here because Victoria has feelings and her brother needs to hear what an idiot he's been...Aaron's had his turn.

Robert's surprised but also he's not when the guard tells him he has a visitor the following afternoon. The rule is one visit a fortnight and he's got two in two days. He knows it's Vic even before he goes into the visiting room. He dreads to think what she's done to wangle another visit and decides he's probably better off not knowing.

Since Aaron left the day before he's done nothing but worry about what he'd said, about Liv, about the business and cursing himself for thinking Aaron would be better off. It sounded like it was anything but. He'd wanted to ask, wanted to know everything but Aaron couldn't get out of there fast enough.

He'd barely had chance to think about his case, if there was one, too focussed on Aaron, and he knew Victoria would be wanting answers, answers he just didn't have. He needed to talk to his solicitor. He'd asked for her to be contacted but nothing moved that fast in here, it'd take time for her to visit he knew that.

"Robert!" He smiles as she hugs him, gently pushing her away when one of the guards glares at him.

"Hi Vic. Are you alright? Aaron said you weren't up to much."

"Oh no, I'm fine now. Speaking of Aaron, what did you say to him, he was in a foul mood all night long."

"Never mind that." He can't stop smiling, her mood is infectious like that and he realises just how much he's missed her. "Just how did you manage to get another visit?"

"Oh...well I tried explaining that I'd been ill and when that didn't work I got on to your solicitor and...well she might've implied that it was a family emergency."

"Vic! You can’t do things like that."

"You would." He opens his mouth, then shuts it because she's not exactly wrong. "Anyway, it is. You could get out Rob! That's massive."

"Hold on, Aaron said it was a tiny chance, and besides, are you alright? Must've been a shock, Luke coming out like that and all this." He's stalling, he knows she wants him to jump for joy but he just doesn't have it in him.

"Oh I'm fine, I'm better off. You need to talk to your solicitor, and then we can get started on an appeal."

"Vic, slow down. I pleaded guilty, I took responsibility. Are you sure anyone's going to care?"

"I will, your nephew will." She paused. "Seb will."

"Don't." There wasn't a day went by without him thinking of his little boy, wondering what he'd be doing, if he was still cheeky, if he even knew who he was anymore. In his darker moments he imagined him calling Ross 'Daddy' and the three of them being the perfect happy family. "How is he?"

"I don't know. Rebecca's pretty much cut us all off. Diane managed to get to see him a few months back but she's heard nothing since. You know she stopped Aaron seeing him, not long after Christmas last year, right after the divorce papers arrived." He stares at her, wished she'd say it was a joke. He knew they hadn't had any kind of formal agreement but he'd never expected Rebecca to do that. She knew how much Seb loved Aaron. He was beginning to realise just how much he'd messed up, and Aaron had every reason to be mad at him.

"I've made such a mess. Is he...he said the business isn't good and Liv's in a mess." He reaches for her hand. "How is he really Vic?"

"Things are...difficult right now. We've not really been close the last few months, he had issues with Luke and Wendy and everything, and now I realise how much of an idiot I've been."

"It's not your fault, Vic."

"He's lonely. Even with..." She trails off and he knows she was going to mention a bloke, he's not stupid. He'd wanted this after all, he just hadn't realised just how much it would hurt.

"He's with someone?"

"Sort of, I think. Ben. He's alright, and they're...I don't think it's anything official, they're just hanging out, and Ben's helping with Liv. You can't be mad about it Rob."

"No I know. Hurts all the same."

"You might be my big brother but you're a proper idiot. Cutting him off like that, and me! What were you thinking?"

"I've been through all this with him, don't you start."

"I will start. You'll say it was for the best and that, but it wasn't. Not for me, and definitely not for Aaron. Neither of us care that it'd be a pain making the journey down here, or that it's for years. We love you, but you won't let us!"

He shakes his head, he knows she's right. He knows why, it's always been the same. Ever since he was sent away all those years ago, he just never feels as though people will stay with him, that they'll get fed up, that he's not worth it. So he gets in first, pushes them away, cheats, anything rather than be hurt.

"Vic, stop, please."

"No. You're my brother and I lost you before. Andy's gone, you're stuck here and it's just been me. I needed you, even if it was just a phone call or a letter. You've been all alone because you're stubborn."

"It was for the best. All of you should just get on with your lives and forget about me."

"Well tough, it doesn't work like that! You know, Aaron wasn't going to come with me, even though I asked, but he did because he wanted to see you despite everything. Left Ben to do it, what does that tell you?"

"That he's a good mate."

"No, that he misses you. First mention of you and he goes all Aaron, storming off and hiding away. He still loves you, you idiot." He shakes his head, doesn't want to believe it. He's managed to push all those thoughts aside and he doesn't want them coming back up again and torturing him.

"Didn't feel like that yesterday."

"Of course it doesn't. He thinks you don't want him. Honestly the two of you drive me mad. Look, say you do get out of here, wouldn't you want him back?"

"Of course I would, but he's with this Ben now."

"Pfft." He laughs a little and her face. "He'd take you back the second you walked in the village and you know it."

"Maybe once."

"You're so infuriating."

"So are you. I don't want to talk about Aaron anymore. Tell me what's been going on in the village." He let her chatter wash over him, too much going on in his head to even start to sort out. If he was lucky enough to get out, would he want to go back to the village where most of the residents didn't like him. He wasn't stupid he knew they tolerated him for Aaron. No doubt the Dingles hated his guts, and then there was Wendy. Maybe it'd be better all round if he just started afresh, or stayed where he was. He just didn't know what to do for the best. He needed time.

--------

Aaron throws his keys on the table, glad the house is quiet. He's exhausted. Vic had tried talking about Robert all the way home, so much so he'd contemplated getting the train home. Trying to tell him he still loved him, knew he'd been an idiot. He didn't care, no that was a lie, of course he did, but he was afraid to believe it. Besides what good would it do unless Robert changed his mind and let him back in.

He should call Ben, try and explain, try and make it up to him, except he really wasn't sure he wanted to anymore.

He's half asleep when his phone rings and he doesn't recognise the number.

"Hello?"

"Hi." The gasp sounds loud in the quiet room, the voice so familiar and so unexpected. "So, you married an idiot."

He can't help it, he starts laughing, hears Robert joining in and that's all there is for a good few minutes.

"I missed you." He doesn't say anything. "I know it's my fault, all of it and it shouldn't have taken my little sister pecking my head about it all afternoon, but...I'm sorry."

"I know. I missed you too." He feels the tension leave him, Robert always managed to do that.

"If I'm...Vic said, about Ben. If I'm...if you want me to go that's fine, I will, I just...I...wanted you to know."

"Yeah. Ben's...he's a mate." Not strictly true, but deep down he'd known it'd never be more than that, no matter how hard he tried. "I'm still mad at you."

"Yeah. Kinda mad at myself too. Listen, Vic said...about Rebecca stopping Seb visiting. I'm so sorry Aaron, I never thought she'd do that."

"Yeah well, I think she was just waiting for the chance. You know she never really liked me all that much." It hadn't mattered when Robert was there, he'd put up with it because as long as Seb was happy he didn't care.

"Still...if things go the right way, that's the first thing I'm changing."

"You're going to appeal then?"

"You have met Vic, right? As if she'd let me do anything else." He sighs and Aaron can hear a commotion in the background. "I've nothing to lose have I? If I lose I'm still in here the same amount of time. If I win then I get my life back, at least some of it."

"All of it." Robert pauses, and Aaron knows he's thinking he's misheard.

"Yeah?" His voice sounds just like it had so many times, when he couldn't quite believe what was happening.

"Yeah. I'm still mad as hell at you and we will be talking about you making stupid decisions all by yourself, but yeah...throughout our lives together, remember?"

"And if it takes a while? Or...if it doesn't work?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

They talk a bit longer, about nothing at all, just chatting like they used to and he realises just how much he's missed it. When they finally have to hang up he's smiling. He knew there was one more thing he had to do.

"Ben? It's me. Can you come over? We need to talk."

--------

It'd taken months, of legal wrangling, of trying to find Luke, months of visits to the Isle of Wight, of expecting every time to be turned away because Robert had changed his mind, but now it was the last time.

"Quit your pacing, you're making me dizzy."

"I can't help it. What if..."

"What if nothing. You heard the judge. He's free. He'd be here now if he'd been in court." He nodded, he knew that, but the restrictions still meant video appearances, so here they were waiting for all the paperwork to be finished before they could see Robert.

Vic had wanted to come with him, only Harry having a raging temperature had stopped her, so he'd asked Cain, the only member of his family who hadn't tried to talk him out of it all.

"Daddy coming?" He turned to see Seb poking his head out of the car window. Robert had somehow managed to convince Rebecca to restart their visits and he and Seb had been slowly getting to know each other again.

"Soon mate, promise."

"I'm hungry."

"I know. We'll get something as soon as he's here." Satisfied the little boy goes back to the game on Aaron's phone. "Do you think...is it wrong that I don't want to go back?"

"To Emmerdale? Why."

"You've seen what it's like. Mum, Paddy, everyone telling me what they think, how bad he is for me."

"Do you care what they think? You know the truth, they'll come round. If they don't, you've got your family Aaron. Your Mum's the one who'll lose out."

"I know. I just wish she'd try."

"Yeah well, she's stubborn. Just like him." Aaron follows his gaze, sees Robert standing outside the entrance to the prison, looking around, as if he can't quite believe he's out. "Go on then, go get your husband back."

He doesn't need telling twice, runs across the road, probably startling Robert as he throws his arms around him.

Everything would be alright now. He had Robert back.

[missmitchieg]

Alex, Not Alexis

When Alex Mercer was born, his doctor called him a baby girl. His parents dressed him up in a pretty pink onesie with white stripes and took him home. They named him Alexis Abigail Mercer. They liked to call him Lexi for short.

At a year and a half old, Alex was sat in the living room watching Sesame Street while his mother, Rebecca cooked dinner and his father, George sat reading the newspaper. He smiled and giggled when Suzanne Farrell appeared in her pretty pink tutu and danced around like a ballerina. He clapped as she twirled and stood in fifth position, and Rebecca decided then that her little "Alexis" was going to take ballet lessons when "she" turned two.

At two years and a month, Alex was put into his first ballet lesson, clad in a pretty pink tutu, just like Suzanne. He was taught how to stand in position, how to move his arms and hands so he could dance, just like her. He smiled proudly at himself as he twirled in his little tutu, his proud mother watching with happy tears in her eyes.

When Alex started school a few years later, he was nervous to be in a new environment. He's always been a little anxious about trying new things and about being away from mommy and daddy. The little boys and girls at school already seeming cliqued up and excluding him did not calm him down.

For a few years, he would come home from school upset and crying because the other kids laughed at him for panicking, needing his Epi-pen, or whatever bad thing happened that set him off like a boy pulling his pigtails. When he didn't, he would tell his mom he was sick, because he did sort of feel sick, and ask for chicken soup and a mom-approved show on the TV.

But when he felt alright, he would just go and suffer the consequences. Until one day in third grade when he met this boy named Luke Patterson. Luke was nice to him and would yell at bullies for being mean because "She's not doing anything bad! Just leave her alone!" and run to tell a teacher to get them in trouble.

"Thank you, Luke, for making them go away." Alex would tell him and push his bangs out of his face, behind his ears. He was sort of starting to hate his long bangs and long hair. But he loved his pink clothes.

"No problem!" Luke would respond and grab his hand, and they would take off together in search of crickets and grasshoppers to chase.

They stayed best friends all though out the rest of their elementary years, and into middle school. His parents loved Luke for Alex. A little boy who shared their sweet "Alexis'" faith and was nice to "her"? He seemed absolutely perfect. Until they got to know him.

See, Luke was sort of a stubborn, rebellious boy who liked rock bands and electric guitar. It only got worse when the pair met Bobby Wilson in the seventh grade and introduced them to Reggie Peters, who wore leather jackets and Bobby only encouraged Reggie, Luke and Alex sneaking out to see bands they liked, and who called their sweet baby Alex. Little did they know it was because Alex had asked the three of them to call him that.

Alex laughed as he stood in the arcade with Bobby, Reggie and Luke, beating Reggie at Street Fighter for the third time that day. Their arcade trips had soon become a regular thing, and they had learned to ignore the strange looks they got from the fact of the four of them being three boys in rebellious rocker boy garb and a girl in a baby pink hoodie, grey baggy shorts, hair shoved under a black snapback, and Nike sneakers.

"Way to go, Alexis!" Reggie cheered him on, fist in the air in celebration at his best friend winning yet again.

Alex blinked and felt his smile falter just a little, giving Reggie a fist bump. "Thanks, buddy."

Reggie took notice of her smile shrinking, though, and frowned a little, tilting his head. "Hey, you ok? Something bothering you?"

"What? No, I'm fine. Just-" Alex stopped to take a deep breath, shoving the anxiety building up in his stomach down. He knew his friends would be fine with such a small change, so why did the idea of asking this of them make him want to throw up the pizza they just ate? "I- Can you guys stop calling me Alexis? I don't like that name. I want to be called Alex." He admitted and bit his lip, bouncing on his heels.

"Oh, sure." Reggie shrugged like it was nothing.

"No problem, Alex." Luke agreed with a smile.

"Alex it is." Bobby nodded. "But is Lexi still ok?"

Alex considered it for a second and nodded with a smile. "Lexi is still ok, but thanks for asking first."

"Hey, we just want you to be comfortable, Alex." Bobby smiled and Alex chuckled, bumping shoulders with him. "Thanks, boys."

"Anything for you, Lexi." Reggie promised. "Besides, it would be weird of me to call you a name you don't like when I ask everyone to call me Reggie instead of Reginald. Just feels wrong." He said, scrunching up his face when he spoke his full name.

"Or Bobby instead of Robert." Bobby cringed.

"Or Luke instead of... Um, Lucy." Luke admitted and bit his lip, watching his best friend's reactions carefully.

"Luke fits you better." Alex told him, silently promising to keep his real name a secret from the rest of the world for all eternity, and he saw appreciation in Luke's eyes at that. So his best friend was both Christian and transgender (and maybe so was he). It didn't have to be a big deal. Luke was still Luke, and he would always be just Luke to Alex. He smiled, silently pointing his thumb at the game machine.

"I like Luke!" Reggie grinned, giving him a comforting pat on the back.

"Yeah, man. It sounds cool. Sounds like a rock star name." Bobby commented and Luke chuckled as he put another coin in the slot to play (and lose) again.

So it was settled. His boys called him Alex and Lexi and he called his boys Luke, Reggie and Bobby. It worked for them. It felt right.

He knew he couldn't just ask his parents to stop calling him the name they picked out that they loved so much, so he just didn't. And he definitely wasn't planning on ever telling them that he was pretty sure he was a boy like his best friends, not a girl like they had previously thought, because he'd heard the awful way his very conservative, very religious parents had talked about "disgusting queers and their sick desire to poison the youth and watch the world go up in flames".

So yeah, he was very much content with keeping it a secret until he turned eighteen and moved out so he could do whatever he wanted to, like cut his hair and legally change his name and get a whole new wardrobe that he didn't have to hide in the back of his closet behind pretty church dresses and ballet class tutus. Like his cool hoodies and pants and sneakers. He still loved the color pink. It was still his favorite. He was just a boy that liked pink. Not a girl. It didn't have to be a big deal.

And he did keep that secret, very well. For a while. Some punk kid at school told his parents and they told Alex's parents, who promptly threw a massive tantrum about having a daughter, not a son, and how they did not raise "Alexis" to be like this. How they were not going to raise a "queer" and Alex needed up to clean up "her" act or "she" could find another place to live because "she" could not stay there if "she" was going to be like that.

"And what if I like the way I am, dad? What if I like that I think I'm a boy, and like that I think I might like Luke?" Alex finally snapped and crossed his arms, and both of his parents were shocked into silence.

"Really, Alex?" Luke asked softly, uncharacteristically quiet for once. He looked up at Alex from the couch where the pair were previously finishing Math homework together, his eyes wide and hopeful.

Alex softened and gave Luke a little smile, nodding slightly. "Yeah, Luke."

"And Luke, how do you feel about our Alexis?" George sneered at Luke and sent him a bitter glare, almost daring the boy to challenge him, and Luke, well, he never said no to a dare or a challenge.

Luke pursed his lips at George and gave him a sickly sweet smile. "Well, I dunno who Alexis is, sir, but I do know that Alex is one of the coolest, smartest, most talented and amazing boys I've ever met." He answered, putting an emphasis on "Alex" and "boys" just to piss George off.

"Luke." Rebecca spoke up, fists clenched and eyes trained on Luke. "Say that again." She ordered slowly, as if asking him to speak again would change the words that came out of his mouth.

Luke scoffed, standing from the cough and dropping his text book to the floor. "I said, ma'am, that Alex is one of the cool, smartest, most talented and amazing boys I've ever met, and I like him, too." He smiled and took Alex's hand in his, giving it a comforting squeeze and smiling when Alex squeezed him right back.

"Get out of this house! Both of you!" George commanded, pointing toward the door.

"Bye!" Alex waved and walked out with Luke, as if this was something perfectly normal and fine, getting on his bicycle. "Let's head to Bobby's. Reggie's already there with him."

So now Alex was taking up residence in the Wilson garage. He guessed he really should've known they would find out some way or another. He wasn't openly telling people he was a boy named Alex, but he also was necessarily acting like the little ballerina princess people used to know as Alexis. No, now he was just that "girl" that always hid "her" hair under hats before just cutting it all off, and that "girl" that played the drums and hanged out in the arcade or played basketball with a bunch of guys.

Reggie came soon after, when his parents' fighting had just become too much for him to handle. Alex always felt bad and wished there was some way he could snap his fingers and magically have everything be fixed, but there was nothing he could do to help anyone. That didn't help his anxiety, either. The only thing that helped, was drumming. So he drummed, a lot.

The boys ended up forming a band that they called Sunset Curve. (Reggie came up with it. Reggie also designed their logo. Both things he was very proud of. And the boys loved it.) It took them a few years, Luke and Alex deciding they were better as friends, Luke moving into the garage, and some gigs at book clubs, but they were starting to get big. Big enough to play The Orpheum.

And then three of them ate some bad hot dogs.

Alex guessed the afterlife wasn't so terrible. Sure, he was dead and he couldn't eat pizza or Bobby's mom's famous meals anymore, but dying brought him and Luke and Reggie to Julie. With Julie came Ray, and Carlos, and Flynn. And sure, he couldn't actually talk to Ray or Carlos, but he could talk to Flynn with Julie's whiteboard or Julie relaying messages to them, so he had that.

And then came Willie.

Sweet, funny, handsome Willie that was nice to him, and answered his questions, and used the name Alex had asked him to. Sweet, funny, handsome Willie that showed him how to move objects by focusing his energy into his hands, and gave him a new coping mechanism for his anxiety. Sweet, funny, handsome Willie that liked to cause trouble with cops, and went by "they" and "them", which Alex would always respect, because he knew what it was like to be misgendered and he was never going to do that to his sweet Willie.

There was just one little thing bothering him on one random Saturday. He hadn't yet told Willie that he himself was trans. He was going to! He wasn't going to keep that a secret from someone sort of like him. He just hadn't gotten around to it yet, but now he would.

"Hey, Wills." He piped up as they were sat in a museum, shouting a little and talking through his stressor of the week.

"Yeah, Hot Dog?" Willie smiled, running their finger through Alex's soft blond locks.

"I'm trans. I'm a trans boy." Alex told him after a moment of hesitation, leaning into Willie's gentle hand.

Willie raised their eyebrows and their smile widened, scooting closer to Alex. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Ok."

"Willie?"

"Hmm?"

Alex blushed and chewed on his lip, taking a deep breath and looking Willie in the eye. "I really like you. A lot."

Willie gasped softly and felt their jaw drop as they looked at Alex, a soft smile forming on their face. "I like you, too, Lexi."

Alex smiled at the way the affectionate nickname sounded on Willie's lips, raising a hand to tuck Willie's hair behind their ear. "Then, can I kiss you?"

Willie let out a giggle and nodded, leaning in slowly. "Yes."

Alex leaned in the rest of the way and pressed his lips against Willie's, his hand grasping Willie's neck gently. He pulled away slowly after a while and bit his lip, still unable to hide the smile on his face. "That felt really good."

"Yeah." Willie agreed.

"Can I do it again?"

"God, yes." Willie nodded immediately. "Yes please, Lexi."

Alex giggled then and kissed Willie again, softer and slower this time.

So, yeah. Maybe the afterlife wasn't perfect, but it came pretty damn close if you asked Alex, so he wasn't going to complain.

[sir-silly]

TWDG S2 First Playthrough

E1 - Omid’s death is always such a bitchslap. It’s so stupid. Literally, why did they send her in there on her own? Are you kidding me? It’s ridiculous. Omid didn’t have to die. 16 months later?? What??? It would have made way more sense to have made the DLC about those sixteen months and then start at Christa’s camp with no baby or Omid instead of what we got instead. Bull. AND WE STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO CHRISTA.

I think out of the entirety of season 2, Clementine and Luke’s relationship in the first three episodes is my favorite. He becomes an alien after episode two, but he becomes intolerable after three. He’s just such a big brother to her and knows that she can take care of herself. Their relationship is similar to what I think Clem and Ben’s would have been if they ended up alone together after season 1.

I stole Nick’s watch, I’m not sure if I’ll give it back yet just because I think it’s hilarious that you can take it and not give it to him. Speaking of Nick, he 110% sees you when you look through the kitchen door if you never back out and he doesn’t say anything. I decided to go with Pete at the end just because I’ve never seen it played out before.

E2 - Well, ironically enough I prefer going with Nick. The first few times I saw it, I hated it, but it’s really grown on me throughout the years. Pete’s just didn’t feel as emotional or like it had much of an affect on Clementine. I also prefer him telling her about his mom in that shed rather than later on.

Another thing I love about Luke and Clem’s relationship, even though he knows she can take care of herself, he still tries to protect her. He holds his arm out in front of her when Matthew is approaching them on the bridge and is the one that pulls her down to keep her from getting shot. The banter they have is just really sweet and I miss that dynamic between them, I wish it carried throughout the rest of the season.

I was thinking about a missed opportunity the writer’s had while I was playing. Instead of having Walter die no matter what and Nick either die in episode two or four, whether you tell him the truth and/or convince him to forgive Nick should have a different outcome. Only one of them makes it to Howe’s depending on what you decided. You couldn’t convince Walter to forgive him? Nick goes out of his way to save Walter and Carver kills him. You told him Nick was a good guy? Walter sacrifices himself for Nick and gets killed instead. It would give a bigger variety and it would be really interesting to see how Walter would deal with being at Howe’s.

E3 - Troy makes me so uncomfortable. I know they were planning to have him do a lot worse, but he’s still just so ugh, you know? I’m physically incapable of liking Bonnie the more I see season 2. I just know that literally everything is because of her. She finds the group at the ski lodge, she blames Clementine for Luke’s death if she shoots the walkers LIKE HE ASKED, and she’s fully prepared to fucking leave her with a couple maniacs and a baby. Just her presence pisses me off.

I know I’m talking a lot about Clem and Luke, but I don’t care because I just love their relationship before he becomes an alien. I had her hug him which was really cute but I also want to see his reaction if she hits him which I think I’ll do next time. I know he pushes her to do things like every adult in this season, but he still actually seems to worry about her because he is hesitant about sending her to turn on the PA and he stands up to Carver when he says that Clem has seen more things than they could imagine.

E4 - I had no clue what I was going to do with Sarita, but I did end up chopping off her arm. I will forever hate how the adults are like "Kenny's being so scary, he's yelling, I thought he was gonna shoot me" and then they force Clem to go over there even if she says she doesn't want to.

I didn't know this until I looked it up just now, but apparently Nick died from a bite on the neck? This whole time, I thought he somehow just bled out from the gunshot to his shoulder, and I honestly don't know which is worse. His death is such bullshit. You know what else is bullshit? Alien Luke. Literally Rebecca shows more emotion than he does, and it was for all of 2 damn seconds. You know what I would have preferred?

Have Luke start breaking down. Make him just as unable to move as Sarah. Let him lose his mind over the fact that he just lost his best friend of "damn near 20 years" and make us decide whether we convince Luke or Sarah to escape. It's not convince Sarah or leave her, it's you can only save one of them. Again, more variety for those who aren't a fan of Luke and actually make it a hard decision because I feel like I would have a WAY harder time with that than whether to leave Sarah (I didn't by the way).

When Clem looks at the cannon and Jane says, "check the muzzle, napoleon" I really wish there was an option to be like, "Jane, I have a first grade education. I don't know my times tables, who the hell napoleon is, or what the fuck versatility means OR how to spell it. Keep yo damn nail file."

Another thing they could have done with Sarah, is if you saved her in the trailer park, she could have potentially saved herself. And this would be a really interesting one, because the determining factor would have been a thing that appeared as a dialogue option, not a choice choice. In episode two, you can teach her how to use a gun if you pick the right choice. Instead of having her die no matter what, if you showed her, let her actually show that she learned something and is capable of learning how to survive.

Rebecca’s whole situation is bullshit, too. You know, I’d be okay with it if it was changed. If you didn’t give her the pills, the coat and you left the observation deck early, I could buy her dying from hypothermia, exposure, blood loss, etc. But if you give her those things and you stay a few days, I would rather her have died in the firefight. It would have made way more sense. Like, I know a hell of a lot of things can go wrong during giving birth, especially without medical care, but after THREE damn days? I don’t know about that. Whatever you wanna say it was, a placental abruption, hemorrhaging, whatever - she would have died way quicker, not taken three days.

E5 - The writers had two good opportunities to get a chance to kill Kenny before the rest stop was ever a thing. They could have made Natasha go for him and you have the choice of shooting her or not. The could have been done later on when they’re walking through the woods and one comes up behind him. So, say you don’t let him get bitten the first time, but you’re seeing how unhinged he’s becoming, so you let it happen the second time. After that, you don’t get another opportunity.

Another thing about the pills, they’re so annoying. Like, you can only give them to one person. Rebecca, Luke or I think maybe Kenny. Because apparently there were only two damn pills in that bottle that shook like it was full. It’s so annoying. You should be able to give it to whoever you want, not just one of them.

I have so many problems with the ice scene. Yes, Luke, there are in fact TWO ways around. You see those trees? There’s these things called GAPS between them and the lake isn’t so damn big that you couldn’t walk around the damn lake. GRRRRR. When the ice started cracking, where were the choices to tell Luke to throw his gun away from him and to tell Bonnie to keep her fat ass put? “The small child is light, let them do it!” small child: no “Guess I’m just as light as her!” FUCK YOU BONNIE! THEN YOU HAVE THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO BLAME CLEMENTINE WHEN IT WAS CLEARLY YOUR FUCKING FAULT! YOU LITTLE WHORE ASS BITCH-

Sorry. I’m never going to get over Luke’s death or how fucking pissed I am at Bonnie and Mike. They can get fucked for all I care. Can I say, it’s also BULLSHIT that Bonnie makes it out of the ice but Luke doesn’t. Are you kidding me? She can find the hole, but he can’t (😳)?! GRRRR.

I was dreading that rest stop this whole damn game. I had no fucking clue what I was going to do when I finally got there, but I did end up deciding to shoot Kenny and leave Jane behind. I really struggled with deciding and I almost ended up not picking anything (which results in Jane’s death anyway). As much as I despise season 2 Kenny, I also despise Jane for what she did. I kinda wish I had looked away and then shot Kenny afterwards, but it is what it is.

[tirednerd2012]

I thought of a way Kirk could feasibly appear in EIGTBO. Suppose his mom kicks out his dad when he's younger, but he still grows up to be violent and sadistic, so she's finally forced to kick him out too and forbids him from seeing Luke. Luke and Ian and some other kids play together when Kirk shows up planning to kidnap Luke. Barley's able to save him, but Kirk takes Ian in retaliation. Later he offers Barley an ultimatum: bring Luke to him, or he'll never see Ian again.

So, Imma try this. Luke and Ian are both, let's say 8 at this time because Jenny and Leo will be featured in the story, but Jenny and Barley won't be engaged or anything. Since there is so much trauma, this will be broken up and explored more as Ian and Barley get some much needed therapy. Also the beginning will have another story because this was going to be a great day for the brothers and I need fluff later.

Barley heard a child crying and someone dragging the kid by their arm. The kid desperately tried to get free. His mind went to worst case. A playground. A bunch of kids. This was an attempted kidnapping.

He didn't hesitate to rock that guy's shit and then call the police.

Turns out the guy, Kirk Jones, had a restraining order against him from his little brother, the boy, Luke. The police promised Barley that the mother would be called and that would be that. He took Ian's hand and left because he couldn't stop shaking.

Barley had a splitting headache the next week. He could hardly keep his eyes open and even the sound of Leo and Ian playing quietly in the next room made it feel like his head was about to bust open.

"Barley," Jenny said and kissed the top of his head, "I can take the boys out to the park or something. You get some sleep. You've been working a lot and probably just tired."

He forced himself to make eye contact with her, even though the room felt too bright. He nodded and she kissed him again.

"Get some sleep," she said softly and he laid back down on his bed. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

A few minutes later he heard his bedroom door creak open. He opened his eyes again and saw Ian with a glass of water. His little brother placed it on his bedside table.

He looked over apologetically as he saw Barley awake.

"I- um, you always bring me water when I'm not feeling good," he said and Barley chuckled, forcing himself to ignore his migraine and ruffled his brother's hair and then kissed the top of his head.

"Thanks, bud, go have fun. I love you."

"I love you, too," Ian said and then gave Barley a quick hug before leaving. The moment Barley put his head on the pillow, he was out.

Until he woke up to the worst call of his life.

"Barley? Barley, I need you get to the police station. Now," Jenny said. Barley could hear the panic and sobbing in her voice and his heart stopped. He jumped up from the bed and immediately grabbed his keys.

"Jen? What's wrong? Are you okay? Are the boys?"

She sobbed harder.

"Someone just attacked us. He grabbed me from behind by my hair and the boys tried to help but-" she cried more and Barley felt the tears forming in his eyes as he got out to his van and immediately started it up.

"Jen, what happened?"

"He took Ian. Barley, he took him and I don't even know where we are and Leo is hurt and won't wake up and Barley, you need to get to the police station. Now. Some officers tracked my phone and are coming now. Oh God."

"Jen, listen to me," Barley said, trying to keep his voice steady but his mind kept repeating everything to him. Ian was gone. Ian was missing. Leo and Jen are hurt and they didn't know where they were. Ian was gone. Dear God Ian was gone.

"Barley."

"I'm on my way to the station. Did you get a look at the guy?" he asked.

The next few days would be the worst of his life, yet they blurred together. Each dragged on and he felt like he was going to die. He'd rather have died than felt the pain he felt those next few days.

Ian tried to move out of the cage, but the older boy who smelled like alcohol was scaring him. He paced back and forth around the cage, occasionally screaming and then kicking it.

Ian's crying annoyed the boy apparently.

"Just stop! He's not coming!" the boy yelled. "Your brother isn't coming and even if he does, I'm going to kill him."

"Barley is coming for me! And I'd hate to be you when he gets here!" Ian snapped and the guy opened the cage and yanked Ian up. He didn't hit him, just yanked him hard and forced him close. Ian winced at the stench of rum.

"Then where is he? You've been here a day, kid. And he's not here."

"He's looking."

"No, he ain't. Because he doesn't give a shit about you," the boy said and Ian felt his stomach turn at that idea, but he knew that wasn't true. Barley would never give up on him.

"You wouldn't come for your little brother?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because my little brother decided to stay with my mom. He turned his back on me. He's better off dead than with that woman," the boy snapped as he threw Ian on the ground, but didn't do anything else. He played with the knife in his hands and Ian wanted to run, but the boy was right in between him and the door.

Barley, please, hurry.

"Then why do you care about seeing him again?"

"Because he needs discipline in his life and she's not going to give it to him."

"What does that have to do with Barley?" Ian asked and the boy knelt down beside him.

"Because your brother doesn't understand his role in life and he needs to learn to mind his own business."

Two days. It had been two days and no one could find Ian. Kirk was off somewhere no one knew about. The police were doing the bare minimum to help and Barley couldn't think straight.

His foot was on the gas pedal as he drove, nowhere in particular, because being on the road was better than being home. It was better than Ian's empty bedroom and the silence. It was better than hearing Jenny cry and not having the strength to provide her comfort. It was better than watching Frank drink.

Everything was falling apart and Barley kept running over and over in his head that it had been two damn days since he last saw his brother. Last heard his laugh. Played with him.

Ian was gone. And had Barley been there, he could have saved him.

Barley was so lost in his mind he didn't notice when a unicorn jumped onto the road. He slammed his brakes, almost flipping his car over and the case file the police gave him flew everywhere and the phone book dropped on the floor.

He didn't wrap his head around the experience at all.

He looked at the piece of paper then looked in the phonebook. Only one Jones surprisingly. Rebecca Jones.

And it had an address. Barley took a deep breath, said a quick prayer, then was gone. He wasted no time going to a random stranger's house.

A woman opened the door. She was about a foot shorter than Barley, with hair longer than Jenny's, but she looked to be in her 40s.

"Can I help you?" she asked. Barley took a deep breath and went over his entire situation, from her son, Kirk, to helping Luke, to his girlfriend being attacked, to his little brother missing.

And she stood there. What's worse is she didn't seem particularly surprised, but terrified. She shook as Barley continued.

"I'm sorry, but I can't help you."

"He has my brother," Barley said and Mrs. Jones stopped and didn't close the door. "He has my little brother. Ian. He's 8 and he's probably hurt and crying out for me right now. Please. Whatever you know. My little brother is my absolute everything. I'm not going to take your son, I'll face Kirk myself, but please. I need to know where to go."

"The little boy he took is your brother?"

"Yes. He's the only family I have left. I've been raising him for three years. He's everything to me and I'll do whatever it takes to get him back," Barley felt the tears sting his eyes, "I feel like I'm losing my mind. I just want him home and safe. I want to hear him playing upstairs in his room or sitting with me on the couch. I miss tucking him in every night."

"How long has Kirk had him?"

"Two days now. I haven't slept. I haven't eaten. I haven't stopped searching. I found your name in the phone book and took a chance. I have nothing left to lose, please," Barley begged. The woman studied him for a moment, and then he heard another voice. A child's voice.

"Mommy? Where's- hey, you're the guy from the other day!" Luke said as he saw Barley. Barley could normally push all of his problems away and smile in front of children, no matter what he was feeling. But looking at Luke broke him even more. The kid had the exact same eyes as his precious little brother.

"Sweetie, go back inside, please," Mrs. Jones said and then looked back up at Barley. "My son is dangerous. I tried so hard to save him. His father used to beat him and then twisted his mind. I don't think he'll ever be able to tell wrong from right."

"And I'm sorry about that, but someone you just admitted is dangerous has a kid right now. You're terrified of him seeing Luke again, and I understand that, but he has my kid right now. Please, I won't tell him anything. I'll even help you and Luke, but I need Ian back. Please."

"His father used to own a house on the other side of town. I'll write down the address for you," she said and invited him inside. Barley walked in and saw Luke on the couch. The young boy tilted his head in curiosity at Barley while his mother went to grab a piece of paper.

"Hey, mister, what's your name?"

"Barley," he answered.

"Thanks for your help the other day. My big brother is really mean and..." his voice trailed off for a moment, "I'm glad I didn't go with him. Sometimes I think he still loves me, but then he gets mad and he hits me. Or he drinks something and gets really angry."

"Luke, I know he's your brother, but family can be so many different things," Barley said. "And you are a great kid who didn't deserve that treatment. Mrs. Jones came back in with a piece of paper and Barley looked at Luke one more time before leaving.

He wasted no time getting to his little brother. He drove as fast as he could and 10 minutes later, he was at the house. He called the police and went inside.

He heard yelling and glass shattering. Then Ian crying.

Ian.

Barley broke the door open and immediately his eyes locked with Kirk.

"Barley!" Ian cried out. Before Barley could do anything, Kirk charged. He was stronger than Barley anticipated and they both got knocked into a nearby bookshelf. It broke at their combined weight and the fight continued.

Barley busted Kirk's head against the wall, but he must have been used to it because it had zero effect on him, which was slightly concerning but there were more pressing matters.

Ian cried out for Barley to watch out and then Kirk picked up a nearby glass bottle of whiskey and hit Barley with it. Hard.

His vision blurred, but he could see the flash of silver from a knife, heading right towards him.

"Barley! No!" Barley couldn't comprehend what happened next.

Kirk went in with his knife, he heard Ian scream and then an explosion that threw Kirk away from him, yet he was unharmed. Not a touch. He spun around and saw his little brother with tears pouring down his already tear-stained cheeks, desperately trying to get out of the dragon cage. He was also unhurt. The only person that seemed to get injured was Kirk.

The police busted in just as Kirk forced himself up with a groan and then looked at Ian.

"How did he- no, something's up with that kid!" he said as two officers grabbed him and handcuffed him. Then his eyes locked on Barley with a glare and a deadly promise laced as his pupils focused in on the other man. "You're going to pay for this, you bastard! That kid has something and I'll get it!"

The officers dragged him away and Barley got Ian out of the cage and his brother jumped in his arms and buried his head into Barley's chest and sobbed.

"Ian, oh thank God. It's okay. You're safe. It's okay," he said over and over again and kept apologizing. He kissed the top of Ian's head multiple times and refused to let the child go. "I love you so, so much, kiddo."

His mind went back to the explosion and he wondered how Ian did do that. Ian screamed and Kirk flew back, but how?

Ian curled into his chest further and his thoughts went back to what the last few days had felt like. Not knowing if he was ever going to see his little brother again. Searching and worrying. Crying. Almost crashing his van because the idea of never seeing his little brother again, his entire world, made him want to die. Jenny and Leo crying. Frank on the phone with the police.

He couldn't explain what Ian just did, but Ian was there. He was in Barley's arms and his older brother would never let him go again.

"I love you so, so much, bud. I'm never letting anything take you from me again."

[mistikfir]

Stars opposite Isla Fisher in “Confessions of a Shopaholic”.

Moviehole caught up with him in New York. By Caffeinated Clint.  Published on Feb 24, 2009

He may have missed out on playing James Bond, but ’Casino Royale” contender Hugh Dancy still ended up getting the girl. In the hit new comedy ’Confessions of a Shopaholic”, the British heartthrob plays editor, Luke, the object of journo Rebecca’s (Isla Fisher) affection. TIM JOHNSON caught up with the actor in New York City.

Q: So, are you the kind of guy who’s in to shopping, or the one dragged along by his girlfriend? Hugh: I think there’s probably a middle ground. I’ll go along, I’ve been along before. I’m learning I suppose. I’m working hard to improve.

Q: So you don’t speak Prada fluently? Hugh: Yeah, I mean, unlike this guy in the movie who’s allergic to shopping. But I’m not the person to turn to for great advice.

Q : Do you have another shopping weakness, whether it’s cars or electronics or… Hugh: Cars, yes! I’ll buy a car every week! No, umm, the only thing I think.. I think this is true of Isla as well, the only kind of store I can get lost in is a book store. But there’s only so much, unless you’re buying old first editions, of whatever classic books, there’s only so much money you can throw away on a book.

Q: I asked Jerry, since the book takes place in Britain, was it a conscious choice on his part to cast a British for the part… Hugh: What did he say?

Q: He said, he was trying to be complimentary, he said, that’s very clever, we didn’t think about that… (laughs) I don’t know if you’ve read the books… Hugh: I’ve read the first three actually.

Q: There’s this whole British wit, that can’t be part of the movie, since it takes part in New York City, so I think you are supposed to embody maybe… Hugh: Well actually, I know that they looked at a lot of people.  I mean, on any movie on this scale, you open the net as wide as possible, and they were looking at American actors, me, I don’t know any other British actors, probably Indian actors – you know, so I don’t think it was a deliberate choice.  I know it wasn’t.

Q: Because you’ve worked with him before? Hugh: Yeah, but I know it’s probably more that Jerry (Bruckheimer), obviously in some way, Jerry knows me and he’s put me in his movies three times now.  I don’t know why, but he has.

Q : Could you turn down a Jerry Bruckheimer film? Hugh:  Sure.  Yeah, I think, but the only reason to do that would be if you felt that it wasn’t right for you, and actually I think Jerry probably has a better sense, even than me, of what would be good for me.  You know it’s not something you would do easily.  First of all, they offer such an opportunity, and secondly, the scale of the movies that he makes is unlike anything, that I’ve ever, any other movies that I’ve done. Even this romantic comedy is like, compared to most other romantic comedies, it feels like Transformers 3, it’s Pearl Harbor but with laughs. It’s just an amazing experience. Yeah, if you can do it, you want to do it.

Q: You mentioned book stores, which ones do you go to in New York? Hugh: God, any. I mean, where do I go? I mean, I suppose the best one is The Strand. The best one for kind of losing yourself. Umm, but there’s Shakespeare & Co, umm, but I mean, Barnes & Noble as well. Obviously the small independent book stores are great, and you don’t want to see them crowded out by the Starbucks equivalent. But, I’ve got my Barnes & Noble card in my pocket.

Q: What are your thoughts on Isla, as a performer, as a person? Hugh: As a performer person? Q: And / or a person… Hugh: She’s amazing. I mean, I think, you can see in the movie, the range that she has. First of all, there aren’t many roles for actresses that have that, that offer that kind of range. But I noticed something, there are not that many actresses, you could really count them on one hand, who could fill a role like that. And obviously her comedy, her comedic abilities are great. But the fact that she can do that, take the character so far, and a lot of the more extreme stuff in the movie is her, and PJ, but I mean just pushing it, pushing the limits. The fact that she can do that, and create a character that you care about and you like and you kind of feel for when things aren’t going well – just like you do in the book, is really, she makes it look easy, but it’s not at all. I think she’s incredible.

Q: Did you get to know her much off camera? Hugh: Sure yeah, we were together for four months or whatever making the movie. So yeah, we had a great time. But don’t let anybody tell you that it’s easy making a movie like this, ˜cause it’s not. If you’re doing it right, it should be hard work all the time. There are lots of intelligent, creative people working together, is not always a stress free environment. But in this case, we had a very good, a great time together.

Q: Where did you learn how to dance? Hugh: I learnt in Miami, when we were shooting that scene.

Q: Did you have a crash course? Hugh: Yeah, pretty much. It’s umm, what do they call that?

Q: Cause it wasn’t Tango. Hugh: No, no it’s not Tango, I can only imagine. That’s the sequel, god forbid. But the basic step was very simple. The idea was I think to elaborate on that, a few twirls, it’d be a very nice romantic ending to that little section of the movie. And Isla and I were, as we, practicing those little beats, with the choreographer, were kind of saying, “well what about, what if you hit me in the face, how about this and that, just laughing really, and not really imagining that, I think, we’d get away with it. But we did, and it actually turns out to be one of the more comic scenes in the movie. It’s not the way it was written.

Q: Do you know any women like Becky Bloomwood, who are always shopping?Hugh: Like shopaholics? I don’t think I know any real people who have a real problem. I may do, but I don’t know. They don’t even admit to it themselves. But obviously I know a lot of people, mainly women, but not only, who can’t walk past a sale sign without feeling at least the tug. But that’s not the only thing that defines that character. She’s kind of remarkable for other reasons.

Q: Could you fall for a girl like that? Hugh: I think, yeah, there’s a lot of qualities that she has, that Isla brings to her, well, I think that are in the books, I think that are very charming, and loveable. Very human. You know, somehow she’s completely unpretentious. When she finds herself in these awkward situations, she’ll always say, drop a ‘clanger’… which is very endearing.

Q: Somehow she’s honest. Hugh: Exactly, that’s what I’ve been saying. Apart from that one thing that she’s completely dishonest about, she’s somehow an honest person. I found that when I read the books, although it’s about shopping, you know she’s a shopaholic, and I don’t really know anything about that, but what made them work for me, and it’s kind of hard to translate this to the screen, because the books are written in the first person, but what makes it work is that voice which she has going on in her head all the time, which is kind of a brilliant comic monologue of denial. First of all, just fantastically imagined by Sophie Kinsella. But I found that I can identify with that. I mean, anybody can identify with that, whether it’s shopping, or whether it’s the fact that you hate your job, or whether it’s the fact that your relationship.. or whatever it is. We’re all in deinial, about something. So not only do I find the character kind of likeable, I actually identify with her.

Q: Do you expect your philosopher dad to go and see the movie? Hugh: Yes, but because he’s my dad, not because he’s a philosopher. I hope so, I think he will enjoy it.

Q: To what capacity being an Oxford graduate helps you to navigate Hollywood waters? Hugh: I don’t know about that, but I know, the only reason I’m still working, first of all luck, and secondly because the projects that I’ve picked, that I’ve being able to work in. So I guess, having an eye for good material. But, so much about Hollywood is personal, it’s very strange.

Q: Because they know your work? Hugh:  Nobody just gives you a job as a favor, but it’s a very small world. Surprisingly small.

Q: What did you study, what was your major? Hugh:  English literature, and language.

Q: How did you break it to your parents, that I would love to act? Hugh: It’s not such a stretch, as you may think. First of all, I’ve been acting since I was a kid, not professionally but I had, so I don’t think it was any surprise to them. I told them before I went to university that I knew I wanted to be an actor, but I also knew that I didn’t want to go to drama school, I wanted to go to university. But secondly, my dad, he’s a philosopher, but he’s a teacher, and a lot of my family are teachers in one way or the other, and that’s a vocation. You know, I think for a lot of people, journalism is a vocation, so he understood that, he understood that this was what I wanted to do, and it was maybe not an easy road. So they were very supportive really from the word go.

Q:  What would have been your plan B’? Hugh: There was no plan B, because if there had been I would have taken it.

Q: Or studied teaching literature? Hugh: Honestly, I never gave myself the opportunity.

Q: So how do you stay away from the Hollywood life? Do you live here in New York? Hugh: Well, London, and New York, a bit of both. You know, I think it’s easier here in New York, and in London. It’s very much what you choose to turn up to. I think you can live a very normal, very private life ninety percent of the time if you choose to. You can keep the two things separate.  But if you blur the lines a little bit, and kind of decide you want share your private life, a little bit with the world, then you have lost the moral high ground completely.

Q: When you have a big movie out though, people are bound to focus on your private life, how do you handle that? Hugh: I just ignore them.

Q: And it works?

Hugh: It’s working now! (laughs)

Q : This role was very different from ˜Adam’ which was just picked up at Sundance, do you deliberately choose very different roles? Hugh: Yeah, I mean, different roles, and different challenges I suppose. I have done that consciously. But at the same time, it’s not a big, long plan. I don’t think “well now I want to do this tiny movie, then I want to find a great big Jerry Bruckheimer movie, and then… You’re only as good as the next thing that arrives through your door. But I do like trying my hand at different things. I mean, looking back, at the roles I’ve played, it has worked out that way. Sometimes that surprises me as well.

Q: What do you like to do when you’re not making films? Hugh: I don’t have that one hobby. I wish I did sometimes. I think, as actors go, I’m quite good when I’m not working, I don’t tear my hair out. I’m not kind of panicking too much. But at the same time, I still haven’t figured out how to use that extra time. I mean, the only advantage is, when you are working, you’re whole rest of your life basically shuts down. You can have a normal life maybe I think as a couple. But apart from that, like in terms of friends and family it’s very, very hard to really keep anything going. So when you’re not working you can then devote yourself to those people.

Q: Do you play any sports? Hugh: I mean, not to speak of, no.  I’m active, but I’m not in the gym every day and I’m not on any teams put it that way.

Q: Did you try to visit any newsrooms in the city? Hugh: I did actually, yeah. I visited Forbes, and I went and met a guy called Andy Serwer, who’s the editor of Fortune Magazine, who kind of showed me around and gave me an idea of his life, and I sat in on one of their meetings. Which is fascinating, that’s one of the privileges of being an actor. You get little tastes of these lives that you’d never be exposed to otherwise. Because believe me, nobody is gonna hire me to work on a financial magazine. It was really useful , and it was kind of interesting seeing the next month’s issue up on the wall, and they’re all talking about their competitors, basically how to completely screw the competition. And the sense of deadline, and the urgency of it. And the creativity of financial journalism was kind of something that surprised me. That the idea of seeking out money, which is kind of what they’re doing, like any good story – you have to imagine where it might be first. That kind of appealed to me. I would say almost none of that is in the movie.

Q: What’s the most expensive thing you’ve got in your closet? Hugh: (Long pause as he thinks) You know what, I don’t even know. Not because I’ve got so many expensive things, but I’m not really somebody that goes out, and I wouldn’t feel very comfortable breaking the bank on one thing. If anything, I err in the other direction.

Q: Did you keep any suits from the movie? Hugh: Not even a belt.

Q: Some actors take one thing as a souvenir, sometimes it’s a pair of shoes…Hugh: It’s not a souvenir, it’s just ˜cause they like the shoes. Don’t let them tell you it’s a souvenir, it’s not sentimental. No, in this case, no nothing. And don’t think I didn’t ask.

Q: You’re not getting any discounts at Prada stores? Hugh:Â  No, it’s a shame, and I think that should be your headline.

Q:  Where do you like to shop? Hugh: I mean, there’s no go-to. Look, tonight is the premiere of the movie. I’m wearing a Prada suit. It’s a very beautiful suit. Then we’re going to London, I’ll wear a Calvin Klein suit. You know, so you do kind of get exposed to that, just through that red carpet scenario. So yeah, those two. But, in my own normal life, I’m not so clothes oriented.

Q: Do you think there’s going to be a sequel, and will you be part of it? Hugh: Well if the first is true, I hope the second will be. I don’t see why not, I mean obviously that’s a financial.. that’s really a question for Jerry (Bruckheimer). Talk to him in two weeks. But yeah, I think everything is in place for that.

Q: It’s franchise material… Hugh:  Absolutely. And the base material is so good, really. And obviously there’s five books, and this is the first two in this movie. And the reason I signed on for it, really I didn’t have to think hard at all, was because of the group, you know Isla (Fisher), PJ (Hogan) and Jerry (Bruckheimer), so if they were all involved, then absolutely.

Q: You said you read the first three books, was that before the movie? Hugh: No it was after I got involved in the movie.

Q: So what about the recession, do you think people will be turned off? Hugh: No, I don’t think so. I think the movie will stand or fall on its merits, or lack thereof. Obviously it could have been a problem. I think we could’ve gone in two different directions, and both of them would have been bad. If we had made just a really light, really flippant movie, just pure escapism about the glories of shopping – that would be a problem right now. And if we’d made a kind of, more depressing movie, about, nobody has any money right now and we’re all in debt, that would be a problem. But we haven’t. I think what we’ve done is walk a really fine line through the middle, and taken the cue from Sophie’s books. And the movies are a classic type of film, with a message – I hate saying that, cause it sounds like you’ve put a piece of paper in a bottle and thrown it in to the sea. But there is a kind of heart to it, and at the same time, it is a comedy. So, I don’t think it will hurt us, obviously we’re not happy that the world is in a financial crisis, but I think the timing is not disastrous.

Q: How was working with Kristen Scott Thomas, and what did you think of her French accent? Hugh: Well, very good. Yeah, she’s fantastic, Kristen is incredible. She’s no nonsense. She shares that with the character she’s playing in the movie.  But she has a very good sense of humor. If you’re sitting around all day on set, I’ll tell you the two people you want to have with you are John Lithgow and Kristen Scott Thomas, you can just sit back and watch them go. She’s an amazing actress, she’s someone I really admire. Her range as well is fantastic.

Q: Now you’ve obviously done film, Broadway, would you consider TV down the track? Hugh: Yeah, and I’ve done TV. I’ve done several things on TV that I’m very proud of, and I think couldn’t have been done on film, that’s the main point. The miniseries, Elizabeth I for HBO was great, Daniel Deronda was another miniseries that was here, I think on PBS. Both of those directed by my friend Tom Hooper, who directed John Adams recently on HBO, you know and that’s a seven hours, and to me, looking at it, it’s like a masterpiece, it’s incredible. Obviously you could not condense that story into a movie, nobody’s going to make a seven hour movie about John Adams, unless they’re insane. But to my mind, that’s some of the best entertainment of the last year.  And if you look at the people that now work in television, the crossover, then I think you’d be very foolish to draw the line. It’s no longer true that it’s kind of embarrassing in some way to move from movies to TV.

Q: Like Tim Roth who’s just starred in Lie To Me?… Hugh: Yeah, it’s an amazing opportunity for an actor to headline their own show. And I see why a lot of actors take that kind of risk, take that leap. Because if it works, the rewards are so huge. Look at somebody like Hugh Laurie, who’s playing that character, not only is he being greatly rewarded for it, I’m sure he’s as rich as creases, but he’s got to explore that character in a way that wouldn’t in any other medium.  In a way it’s closer to theater, cause you really get deeper and deeper in to something if you’ve got great writers behind you. So, I understand that.

Q: Thanks so much Hugh. Hugh: Thanks very much.

[theyearoftheking]

Book Forty-Three: Storm of the Century

“Now I know how easy it is to just get... yanked out of the world. I wish I didn’t, but I do...”

It’s been blisteringly, hot-as-balls here in Wisconsin for the past few weeks. It’s gotten to the point the heat is actually making me anxious in a, “Global warming is real, and going to kill us all...” kind of way. To be clear, the recent heat hasn’t just convinced me global warming is a threat. I’m a woman of science. A woman of science who composts and celebrated the fact we’re officially out of plastic grocery bags (we use them for cat litter disposal); and hopefully will never see another one again. Wow. That was quite the overshare. I swear to God, my life is more than celebrating the fact I can now scoop cat poop into paper bags. 

Ok, that didn’t help. I’m just going to stop now. 

Back to the heat... I’m not going to lie, reading Storm of the Century had me fantasizing about a cold, snowy blizzard. Which, thanks to quarantine, I won���t have to leave the house to go drive in. I kinda hope this whole social distancing thing will extend through March, so I can live in Uggs and leggings all winter long, drink lots of tea, and continue to binge watch Cold Case Files with my daughter. A girl can only dream... 

In the introduction, Steve talks about how he wanted to try his hand at a screenplay, and a jailhouse image wouldn’t leave him alone: “...that of a man...sitting on the bunk in his cell, heels drawn up, arms resting on knees, eyes unblinking. This was not a gentle man, or a good man... this was an extremely evil man. Maybe not a man at all.” 

I have to give Steve credit for trying a new format, and I thought he was successful. I fully anticipated reading a dry screenplay, full of director’s notes. But instead it was a vividly descriptive screenplay, with plenty of Steve’s humor and snark throughout. For example, “He bends out of the frame, and we hear the SOUND OF VOMITING. (Sort of like the SOUND OF MUSIC, only louder.” and then later on, “He gestures to the girl, who is (pardon the pun) just about CATatonic.” The girl in question, her name is Cat. Groan. But also kind of snort-laugh. 

There were also plenty of references to Steve’s universe:

The story is set on Little Tall Island (the former home of Dolores Claiborne)

“There hasn’t been a murder on this island for almost seventy years... unless you counted Dolores Claiborne’s husband, Joe, and that was never proved.” 

“Crawl out of the sewer” (It)

“A friendly, grinning, Saint Bernard” (Cujo)

Storm of the Century takes place seventy years after Dolores Claiborne killed her husband. Little Tall Island is bracing themselves for... you guessed it... the snow storm of the century. People are stocking up on groceries, getting the town hall ready in case the island loses power, and picking their babies up from daycare. 

While all this hustle and bustle is going on, Andre Linoge bludgeons Martha Clarendon to death with his cane (black, with a silver wolf’s head on the top); while whistling “I’m a little teapot”. 

Local kid Davey Hopewell is walking home when he stumbles across the crime scene, and immediately alerts the police. When Constable Mike Anderson arrives on the scene, he finds Linoge calmly waiting to be arrested. Creepy. Of course a murder happens just as a massive snowstorm is starting, and he can’t contact the authorities on the mainland. 

Mike tries to get Linoge into the jail, but the door won’t budge. So, he needs to parade him inside the grocery store, to get to the attached jail. While in the grocery store, Linoge locks eyes with a few townsfolk, and spills some dangerous secrets. He seems particularly fascinated with Mike’s son Ralphie. Mike eventually gets him locked in a jail cell, and calls on teams of men to guard the cell. 

All hell breaks loose. 

Linoge has the ability to visualize a crime from his cell, and have unwilling participants commit it. For example, he has one woman bludgeon her boyfriend to death, and he has one of his guards hang himself. And he keeps leaving little notes everywhere, “Give me what I want, and I’ll go away!” 

What Linoge wants is one of the town’s children. He puts them all into a deep sleep, and makes the parents pick which one of the eight children will leave with him. If they can’t decide, or decide not to give him a child, he’s going to kill all the kids. Mike is the only parent that strongly objects to this, but the town (and his wife Molly) quickly overrule him. The parents all pick a stone out of a sack, and whichever parent picks the black stone, loses their child. Of course Molly picks it, and Ralphie leaves with Linoge. 

Mike is understandably heartbroken, and leaves Molly and Little Tall Island for San Francisco. One day he’s out getting groceries, and sees an older man and a teenage boy walking down the street singing, “I’m a little teapot.” He’s convinced it’s Ralphie. He chases after them, and Ralphie turns around and snarls, showing him his fangs. Mike decides to leave well enough alone. 

And that’s pretty much where the book ends. It was an annoying, and frustrating end: I hate it when the good guys get screwed over without any silver lining. But there was a rather prophetic moment in the book. Mike tells some of the local townspeople, “You know the story about Job? In the Bible? Well, here’s the part that never got written down. After the contest for Job’s soul is over and God wins, Job gets down on his knees and says, “Why did you do this to me, God? All my life, I worshiped You, but You destroyed my livestock, blighted my crops, killed my wife and my children, and gave me a hundred horrible diseases...all because You had a bet going with the devil? Well, okay... but what I want to know, Lord- all your humble servant wants to know is- Why me? So he waits, and just when he’s about made up his mind God isn’t going to answer, a thunderhead forms in the sky, and lightning flashes, and this voice calls down, “Job! I guess there’s just something about you that pisses me off!” 

Well, I guess there’s just something about Mike Anderson that pisses God off too. 

Overall, I thought the book was good. There were a few loose threads for me: what exactly IS Linoge? Is he a monster like Pennywise, or a villain like Leland Gaunt? Lots of fan sites claim he might be Randall Flagg. And what’s up with the word “Coratan?” That was never really teased out. I also feel like three quarters of the screen play was the lead up, the end felt kind of rushed and unsatisfying. But all in all, it was a quick, fun read. And now I need to watch the television series. 

Speaking of television series... there was a character I thought was named Fred Andrews... which made me sniffle, thinking of Luke Perry in Riverdale. 

You can imagine how dumb I felt when I realized his name was FERD and not Fred. Selective dyslexia strikes again. 

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 28

Total Dark Tower References: 39

Book Grade: B-

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Wizard and Glass: A+

Needful Things: A+

The Green Mile: A+

Rose Madder: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

Four Past Midnight: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

Bag of Bones: A-

The Wastelands: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

Dolores Claiborne: A-

Nightmares in the Sky: B+

The Dark Half: B+

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

Storm of the Century: B-

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Thinner: C+

Dark Visions: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Desperation: C-

Insomnia: C-

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Gerald’s Game: D

Roadwork: D

Christine: D

The Tommyknockers: D-

Next up... ugh... I put it off long enough. It’s time to come back to the twisted world of the long-deceased Richard Bachman. It’s time for Regulators. Mount up!

Until next time, Long Days & Pleasant Nights,

Rebecca

[scrapyardboyfriends]

Jenny’s Belated Live Blogging -10th February 2020

- I have no idea why I got slightly emotional at Pete’s exit considering it was unbelievably low key and kind of lame (not that there was much they could do) but for some reason I did. I think it’s just everyone being all earnest and even Cain being nice. I did love Mandy asking for his number though. Haha. 

- It’s a shame they needed Rhona for the Graham stuff or that Quinny didn’t want to leave sooner because it would have been way more impactful of an exit if he had decided to leave on the back of that break up. Or again, he could have left when he left Butler’s. Or obviously our favorite, go to comfort Ross after Rebecca dies and Aaron gets Seb. But oh well. It’s a shame to lose another datable guy in the village...although they’d all already gone there so maybe it’s fine. Was weird without Moira there though.

- Also weird having Priya be there to say good bye when they only time they ever interacted was during the third worst (after Moira/Nate and Bobel) affair in recent years.

- Matty having trouble on the farm continues to just make me want them to lose it. I need them to stop giving me hope of that happening. I do like Cain caring though even if it is just for the sake of his kids’ inheritance. 

- I also continue to love Cain and Mandy having to interact over this Marlon stuff. It’s fun. 

- The Belle and Jamie stuff was good. I’m glad they got to have a little kiss and I liked that Kim saw and is now getting threatening with Belle. This could be good. I’m all for them continuing to give them little moments and still drag it out. And as useless as New Ellis is, I’m glad she’s dating him, just so all of this has to be more secret. Now they just need to give in to things a little more. 

- I’m glad Liv is turning 18 finally. I wish it meant she was going to get to be a real character where they actually follow through with the stories they start for her. If she ever does get something, it’ll probably be for her exit plot at this rate. If she even got one then. 

- Still really hoping Nate and Tracy were just a plot device for Pete to decide to leave because they are making ZERO effort on that front. One horribly awkward conversation and a horribly awkward date later and now they’re spending all of their time together? Why? It’s bad...Pete’s gone. It should stop now. Is there anyone else for him to randomly sleep with to mess it up? 

- see the continued Wendy and Luke rants below

- And now the Wendy and Luke of it all...ugh. I mean...Diane was right when she said it was too little too late. That’s how I feel about this whole thing. Just...why? What’s the point? And what now? 

- And Luke was all pushy at the start of the episode just because they want to rush into them being a thing. My only hope is that they’re rushing this so it won’t last. But they probably just don’t care. 

- And I just never want to hear about Lee or his childhood or anything to do with him again.

- And I HATE that Vic has to be the character to sit there and think logically about this, to sit there and vouch for them, to sit there and say “they’re just people”. Like...no. This shouldn’t be on her to fix them or make them comfortable. That isn’t her problem. They should be bending over backwards for her. It’s just so badly done at every turn. I hate it. 

- To me...the only ways Wendy could have actually worked as a character were if she was 1) A saint who only had good intentions toward Vic and other story prospects to justify her purpose, 2) An out and out villain who was just going to be horrible and then go or 3) a preexisting character who had actual connections in the village besides Vic because what now? 

- I just don’t see what they’re going to do with either of them now that they’ve gotten this out of the way. And I don’t care except that I’m going to have to watch whatever it is if I’m watching the show and I don’t really want to. It’s just...is this going to be it? Are they just going to all be civil now and Vic is going to date Luke and teach him how to cook and everything is going to be fine? Or will Vic continue to struggle at all? I just...I don’t understand this story. If she moved on with someone not connected to her rapist, then she could just “be happy” but now this connection never goes away for the character and I just don’t know what to do with that. It’s just...not good. 

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 68

Chapter Summary - Danielle has become somewhat reclusive, spending a lot of time on her study, and not enough with Tom, so he comes up with an idea to get her out of her books and repair some bridges of his own.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe​ @wolfsmom1​

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Danielle looked at the page in front of her, her vision bleary from hours and hours of staring at her study. Rubbing her eyes, she groaned and looked at her phone, shocked to see that she had been studying for five hours straight. She felt herself fill with dread as she thought of cooking a meal. To say Tom had not come to her to speak or anything meant that he too was probably obsessing over his work, so she rose to her feet and decided that she would see what he felt like eating.

On opening the door, she moaned, the smell of cooking wafting towards her. Smiling she went to the kitchen and bit her lips together, seeing Tom dancing to that Justin Timberlake song he commented somewhat factually that everyone bar her seemed to like, the oven on and a pot on the hob, telling her he was making spaghetti bolognese, as he spun around on the spot as part of his dancing, he jumped slightly at seeing his girlfriend behind him. "Oh."

"Don't let my being here stop you, you had a groove going." She smiled as she walked over to the pot. "Where's the spaghetti?"

"I don't have any."

"Yes, there is, I bought some the other day."

"Well I cannot have any, I need to go on promoting Kong, so my suits have to fit."

"Right, fair enough, that's you out, but I am allowed carbs, so you better be getting some for me." She looked around. "And some cheese."

"Cheese?"

Danielle looked at him in horror, "You cannot have spag-bol without cheese, you absolute heathen, I mean having it without spaghetti is blasphemous, but without cheese…" She shook her head, "Not happening."

Tom chuckled. "You are so passionate about your food."

"I make no apologies, it's who I am."

He leant down and kissed her. "I am well aware, I love that about you."

"Even if I am officially the chunkiest girlfriend you ever had?"

"You are not chunky, Kitkats are chunky, you are a person."

"Sorry, what was the other word, 'wholesome'."

Tom growled. "Nacelle told me you had a little issue when you were shopping."

"It wasn't an issue, it was a bitch of a sales assistant that made a comment about me being chunky," Danielle explained. "She was somewhat appalled that one of my lack of height and rotund of hip diameter would be wearing dresses, that in her opinion, were meant for the likes of your former flame."

Tom merely growled. "I also heard you rounded on her."

"I just told her that her superiors would argue her opinion since my bank card would work as well as a thinner girl's, so either show me the changing rooms or stop wasting my time."

"That's my fiery Irish Lass." Tom grinned proudly before kissing her again. "And for the record, you are not chunky, and I very much love how you look or have you forgotten how I adore to ravish you at any and every opportunity."

"Behave you insatiable man, you might burn my food." She laughed, but the manner in which she held onto Tom and looked at him told him of her internal need for him to state such to her from time to time.

"In all seriousness though Elle, I love you as you are, if you gain or lose weight, so long as you are happy with it, I don't care."

"Yes you do, everyone does, besides, if I lost weight, my breasts would decrease in size somewhat." Tom froze for a moment before letting go of her and rushing around opening different presses. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for the spaghetti."

"Why in such a panic, though?"

"I can't allow these divine assets of yours to shrink in any manner, that is a travesty of epic proportion." Danielle merely laughed and threw her eyes up as she went and stirred the pot on the hob.

*

"It was nice having dinner with Nacelle and her fiancé." Tom declared as he finished his food.

Danielle looked at him curiously, wondering why he brought up the pair since it had been almost a week since they had brought her shopping and then went back to theirs for takeaway, with Tom joining them. "I was not aware you knew Becky."

"Rebecca is one of the biggest names in the industry for contracts, anyone who is anyone gets her and her partners to write up their contract, Marvel deal through them over here."

"Yeah, I knew she was a bit of a deal, just didn't realise how big, Nacelle isn't a bragger."

"I noticed, those who are brilliant at what they do rarely are." Tom smiled. "So what was she saying to you about New Years?"

"I got asked, more than once, who did my makeup and I told people, now she has two weddings booked in for September and at a nice price, plus Becky is sorting her the Spring/Summer '18 contract for New York Fashion Week from it." Danielle smiled in delight. "Guess I was a walking business card."

Tom grinned. "You love to see others do well, don't you? Your friends, even Paul."

"Hey, so long as it does not affect you and me, I want Taylor to do well, just so long as it is nowhere near me or at either of our expenses." Danielle shrugged, "You get nowhere in life wishing ill on people. I am happy, so why want others not to be."

"I often forget you are so much younger than you act." Tom grinned as he pulled out the bottle of wine they had been drinking, "More?"

"Jesus no, I have to proofread a project in the morning. The last thing I need is fuzzy brain doing it."

"How is the study? We are in the same house but barely see each other."

Danielle noted the small hint of sadness in his voice. "I know, it is like before Christmas again, I just get so fixated on getting everything done, I'm sorry." She sighed. "I am getting way more work done than I thought I would, but perhaps I should slow down. This," She held up her hand. "Has another four to six weeks, you are gone to the US in what, two weeks?"

"Ten days."

"Shit." Danielle shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"I want you to get everything done, but…"

"You want me here too, not just in physical being, but actually sitting down talking to you?" She hampered a guess.

"Is it wrong to say yes?"

"No." She smiled knowingly. "I need you to do something for me, Tom." He looked at her expectantly. "I need you to tell me when I am overly obsessed with other stuff, I need you to say 'Elle, I want your attention too'."

"I don't want to force you or make you feel as though it's a chore."

"You're not a chore Tom, you are my boyfriend, who I really, really love spending time with, I just forget sometimes."

"I've an idea." It was Danielle's turn to look at him expectantly. "How about we go see my dad, he's been asking if I would come up, and of course, he is asking for you?"

"When would you be thinking?"

"As soon as we can?"

"How would we get there?"

"The fastest way is to fly."

Danielle's nose twitched as she thought, something Tom noticed she did when her mind was racing to figure out a perceived issue. "I have Mac's vaccination card with me, if we find him kennels, I would go."

"Would that be alright? I mean, I am sure we can find someone to mind him."

"We are not dumping him on Ben and Sophie, she would have to be talked down from a bell tower with a sniper rifle." Tom chuckled. "And I doubt Luke would offer."

"I would pay to see Luke's face." Tom laughed. "Nacelle?"

"They have Nero, I doubt he would be too happy." She explained. "It is too late now, but I will Google a few places and ring them in the morning to see if they'll take him."

*

"Are you okay?" Tom asked as they arrived at the airport in a cab to prevent arousing suspicion.

"Yeah, as we said, we go in separately and no one will put us together." She smiled, pulling out her phone. "We better head in, our check-in time is closing in fifteen, it wouldn't bode well to miss our flight since we only booked it a few hours ago."

"That was nice of that woman to Facebook you back last night."

"Business is cut-throat for so many these days, I am just glad we have a place for him, I think he will like it." Danielle smiled, recalling Mac's delight at his temporary accommodation as well as the other dogs.

"It's only for two days, we'll be home soon." Tom smiled, nervous about seeing his father after his father gave him a significant piece of his mind on his "Whoring" the previous summer. Paying the cab driver, he got out of the car and got his suitcase, which housed both of their belongings, neither taking anything significant with them since it was such a short trip, a few moments later, when Tom had entered the building, not attracting too much attention, Danielle got out of the cab, thanked the driver and closed the door. Inhaling, she walked into the airport, somewhat surprised that Tom was over at check-in machine typing in his details and scanning his passport. nonchalantly, she walked to one of the machines that were a bit away from his and did the same, collecting her ticket and walking to the W.H. Smith's nearby to get a packet of hard-boiled sweets. "It's a lot quieter than I thought it would be." She turned slightly at Tom's voice being so close to her.

"Well, you have no one ringing different photographers to get your sexy mug all over a website." She smiled. "Will we head to departures?"

"Okay, sorry it's only a small commercial and not something fancier."

"Because of course, I am used to different, aren't I?" Danielle laughed. "Seriously, I have never been on anything but a three each side Ryanair or Aer Lingus flight, and the furthest I have been to is the Netherlands."

"What, really? Your parents never brought you on holiday?"

"I have been on loads of holidays, I know my country back to front, inside out, dad always said, bar the weather, Ireland could match any country in the world for scenery, history and culture, in fact, it surpasses many on all of them." She stated.

"So why were you in the Netherlands? What brought you there?"

"Amsterdam." Tom looked at her with a suspicious look and a raised brow.

"Not for that side of it, I did Art for my Leaving Certificate, Rembrandt was the artist our school focused on for that year, so we went over as a class." She stated knowingly. "I told you already, I'm too boring for anything else."

"You are not boring Elle, you are sensible."

"Same difference."

"Can I ask something, it is something Luke said to me before, then Ben and Hugh mentioned it too?" Danielle looked at him. "How does someone so sensible end up taking the risks you do, coming to England, taking on being a paramedic, then taking on being a safety officer? They are such risks, sensible people don't take those sorts of risks."

"I also put a lot into this relationship." Tom frowned. "You are not exactly the safest bet Tom. An actor? And here I am allowing myself love you, putting faith in you I have never given to a man before."

Tom leant a bit closer to her, wanting nothing more than to kiss her hand. "I cannot thank you enough for doing that, I promise I will show you it is worth it."

"It better be, you're the first man I ever said 'I love you' to outside of my dad." She smiled walking off, leaving Tom staring at her as she did. She walked through to the scanning area, taking out all her electronics and keys so to go through the machine. To her relief, it did not buzz, so she collected her belongings again and waited for him.

When they were through, they made their way through the cafes and restaurants and shops towards the gate they were required, since a small British flight seldom required much waiting. "Really?"

"Really what?" She asked, not looking at him.

"I am the first?"

"I told you already Tom, there wasn't many before you, and I was young and not really understanding of what was needed in a relationship, looking back, no, I never knew anything about love before you, nor did I mention anything regarding it."

"So, there is just me?"

"Just you." She confirmed, looking at him.

"But I…" He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Tom, don't." He eyed her warily. "I know you have, you admitted it before, remember. That's fine, I don't care. Well, I care, since it means you have known heartache, but I don't need you to say I am 'the one and only person you have loved' I am not an idiot."

"Does it make me sound easy?"

"Does loving make you sound easy, you're an idiot." She laughed. "No, it doesn't, it makes you sound human. Now, enough, we are still in public, it is quiet, but there is still a few people around."

Since they had booked separately to avoid detection, they were forced to sit away from each other for the short flight. Tom got caught listening to some soccer fan reel abuse at his soccer team for the journey, no matter how high he put up his headphones, while Danielle was sitting next to a man who was, if he was telling the truth, two years younger than her and very interested in her cleavage. Politely, Danielle laughed him off for the majority of the journey, but she felt Tom's less than happy glance more than once.

"He was a bit much," Tom commented as he opened the door of the hire car for Danielle.

"Which one, we both had a bad travel partner." Danielle laughed, having seen Tom's less than pleased face at his own travel companion.

"True, but that guy was staring at you the whole way," Tom growled.

"I see."

"I'm not jealous, you were not leading him on and were trying to get him to leave you alone," Tom commented.

"Of course." Danielle nodded. "I think he said something about being away for a while and I being, and this is me guessing since the Scottish twang can get very strong that I reminded him of his first girlfriend, but with bigger breasts."

"How did you resist the urge to slap him?"

"I had to remember it would give Luke heart failure."

"He would be honoured at your thinking about him." Tom chuckled. "So, you remember my father."

"Stern, working-class Scot, hard to forget."

"After the summer, he…said things, things I did not want to hear, and you can tell from him, he is not one to sugar coat, he was vicious, if not brutally honest."

"So things are tense?"

"Yes, so much so…well, we agreed the best thing to do is for you and I to stay at a B&B."

"Were you planning to tell me this anytime before bedtime tonight Tom?"

"I did not know how to broach it."

"How do you feel? About not staying with him."

"Honestly, relieved. I disappointed him so much, I confirmed everything that he thought acting was, I fucked up incredibly with regards him."

"Well, that is part of why we are here, though I have to say, I don't think for one moment he will censor himself with me here, but at least he is honest like that."

"Thank you, Elle." Tom gently took her injured hand in his and kissed it. "You are always so understanding, so willing to help."

"I'm a glutton for punishment." She grinned as they made their way to the B&B not too far from the town Tom's father lived in.

*

"Dad," Tom smiled meekly as the Hiddleston patriarch opened his front door. James Hiddleston was a good three inches shorter than his son, and his old age meant he was stooped further, but to Danielle, that only made Tom's fear all the funnier more than anything.

"So she really is gone?" James commented. "Thank fuck, though she seems to have taken your dignity with her." He turned and made his way back into his home, heading to the living room where there was a warm fire scorching the small space. "Ms Hughes, it is good to see you again."

"As it is you, Dr Hiddleston." She smiled politely.

"You will not stop that, will you?"

"Can't say that I will." She smirked, causing the older man to chuckle before pointing to Danielle and looking at Tom. "She'll keep you on the straight and narrow, this one."

"I need it." Tom acknowledged. "How are you, dad?"

"Well, it's been raining for longer than I care to count, but overall, no point in complaining. Now, be a good lad and get the tea." Tom nodded, relieved his father seemed somewhat normal, or what was so for the man, and rose to his feet; Danielle followed suit. "No so fast lassie, you are to stay here, I have a few words I want to have with you." Danielle nodded and swallowed as Tom looked between his father and Danielle anxiously. "Now Thomas." Tom turned and left. "He may be thirty-five, but he is still not too old for a clip across the ear."

"No better man for it either."

"You seem to have your head screwed on some bit."

"That is debatable Dr Hiddleston, I thought it a good idea to go out with your son."

James chuckled at that, "Is what Sarah said true, you got rid of her in the end?" Danielle made a head gesture that signified she had some part in it. "Thank you. Sarah will tell you, I nearly had her cowering in a corner for what she allowed him do to my granddaughter, flaunting her in public like that, like some fucking prized dog, and after years of everyone keeping everything about our family private, he flaunted them around like that, Diana should have never allowed it, I never was as angered."

"I can only imagine." Danielle nodded, knowing that the best thing to do was allow him to rant for a few moments, feeling that he only wanted to make himself heard more than anything.

"Is it odd for you being here Lass?" Danielle cocked her head slightly at the question. "You are Diana's ally after all."

Danielle raised her hands. "Whoa, okay, it's been what twenty-five years, there are no ally's, you are two people who were once married, you have three children and a grandchild, if you hold onto something after all this time then beware, because that is cancerous. I am a good friend of Diana's. I love her, she is the mother I have needed since my mam died, but that in no way impacts on any relationship I would like to form with you as Tom's father."

James studied her for a moment, Danielle knowing that whatever opinion the scientist had of her as Emma's friend, being Tom's significant other held a different set of criteria she was required to fill to be deemed good enough. She had shown she was trustworthy, that she would not divulge family secrets when she was Emma's friend, that was in her favour. "Your mother is dead?"

"Both parents are, no siblings, hence coming over here, as well as getting to know Diana and Emma so well."

"Diana always had a heart for those who need it." James acknowledged.

"She saved me, I was so lost when they died, I rushed away from everything, to a small area of England, too scared to stay at home, and there was this lovely woman that just insisted I join her for tea, would not take no for an answer, then insisted I tell her who I was, in full, pushing and pushing, picking at a thread that was barely hanging on, she could see it, she seemed to know I needed to get it out, and when she pulled enough, it all came out, how lost I was, and she sat there, hugging me, telling me I was okay. She means the world to me, so I will not hear an unfair bad word against her, but you are Tom's father, you are the other half of the reason he and Emma, two of the most important people I have ever had in my life, exist, you aided to mould and shape them, so you matter also."

"Many would argue not, Diana raised them, I left."

"You were there for the formative years, they are your children too."

"What is your opinion of me?"

"Honestly?" James nodded. "Strict, straight-backed, brutally honest, feelings be damned, say it as it is, probably not as favoured as Diana because of it, for as strict as she no doubt was, you were the authoritative parent, but you care deeply about your children, nothing you have done has been without thinking about them, when Tom told you about his plans to be an actor, I don't think you did not want to do it out of anything but concern, you wanted him to achieve his potential, you did not think that standing around looking and talking at a camera was the way to do so, but when he showed you the fruits of his work, you seem to have respected that, and last summer," James huffed in disgust, "Your actions were that of a concerned father and grandfather, of a man who cared for his family and their privacy, I cannot respect that enough, you had the balls to say what Diana was too frightened to say."

"I thought you said you would not hear a word against her."

"I said I would not hear an unfair word against her, that is a fault, not wanting to cause an issue, allowing that farce go on."

"My son has done well with you, Lass, the only issue is, does he realise that that streak in you, that strong will you have, will not always go his way, and if there is one thing that Tom is not used to having these days, is people going against him in any way."

"I love Tom, but the day I notice myself change in a manner I do not think benefits me most of all as a person, I am leaving, nor would I expect him to stay for me if he feels the same."

"Good, no one should change for anyone else. Diana and I took longer than we should have to figure out that, a woman of her background and a man of mine had little reason to be married, but I would not take it back, no matter how much I want to clip that boy's ear."

"From what I gather, you and Diana see things better away from one another, I mean, you are not at risk of being best friends in the next twenty minutes, but you both clearly care for your children and grandchild and I dare say would be quite vehemently willing to fight their corners."

"You gathered right there." James nodded. "Speaking of my son, where is he with that tea?"

"Eavesdropping from the door," Danielle stated. Sure enough, a moment later, Tom came into view, causing James to nod in acknowledgement of her accurate assumption.

"Well?" James half demanded gruffly.

"Sorry, I did not wish to interrupt," Tom responded meekly as he placed the tray with everything needed on the table.

"I assume you were listening intently, though."

"Yes, dad."

"I swear to God boy, if you ever pull a stunt like that again, you had better not blacken my door, cause thirty-five or fifty-five, I will redden your arse for you."

"I swear."

"And no tagging on this poor lass, she is too good for that, good copped on head on her, though that has to be questioned, considering." he gave his son a look that only caused Danielle to laugh, James giving her a fond glance as he did so.

"Thank you, James."

"What is it with all three of my children and their love of foreign accents? Indian and two Irish." James noted.

"Sure says the Scot that married an English woman." Danielle pointed out, laughing slightly as she did.

"Fair point to you there." James acknowledged, reaching forward and getting some tea for himself.

[dalekofchaos]

One small change that could’ve improved TWDG seasons 2-4

I love AJ, I love Rebecca and I love Alvin. But I honestly think season 2, ANF and the Final season would’ve been better if instead of giving us completely new characters and a completely new baby, we should’ve gotten Christa and Omid’s baby instead and Clem taking care of him and guiding him. 

Here is how I could see this playing out

When Christa and Omid are talking about names, when Clem is given a choice about names, one option would be Lee Jr or LJ for short. Christa and Omid would be sad after hearing this but would love it

Omid doesn’t die(at least not yet) because I would not put them in a situation where Clem would allow some stranger to get ahold of her gun and be made to feel responsible for Omid’s death

I would replace the Cabin group with the 400 Days characters because I think it’s complete bullshit that Vince, Wyatt, Shel, Becca and Russell would ever trust someone like Carver and they just wasted them in cameo roles. When I first played 400 days I legit thought we got our new cast for the next season who Clem would work with in the next season, then they are never used but we are stuck with Bonnie. As for if we didn’t have the group join Tavia? Simple, Tavia’s people won’t take no for an answer and they are on the run regardless

Clem, Christa and Omid would be separated and Christa would be under the care with the 400 Days group. They are all suspicious of Clem when she arrives at their cabin, but when Christa tells them who she is, they let Clem go to Christa.

As for how they would be in this season. Vince takes the role of Luke/Carlos in the game. Russell and Becca are wary around Clem but come around, Wyatt is the chill older brother and Shel is the mom friend.

Episode 2, instead of meeting Carver, we meet Troy(as was teased) same situation but he says “my boss needs me to find them”

When we get to the ski lodge, instead of meeting Kenny, we would meet Omid. Happy reunion between Clem, Omid and Christa

Kenny would take the role of Carver. Now before ya’ll come at me with pitchforks and torches, Kenny was supposedly planned to be the antagonist character for the second season. Gavin Hammon revealed this during his OMG!Con 2015 Q&A Panel alongside Melissa Hutchinson. He said that Kenny was supposed to be the leader of the community Luke and the cabin survivors fled from, so Kenny would be in the Carver role. I think it could’ve worked. Losing his family, losing Lee and nearly dying to save Ben or Christa could’ve pushed him over the edge. 

Episode 3, you are tempted in choosing between your new friends or our old friend Kenny. But Clem realizes the Kenny she knew is long gone

Kenny blames Clem for everything. In Kenny’s POV, if Clem didn’t listen to The Stranger, Lee wouldn’t have gotten bitten, he wouldn’t have had to risk his life to try to save an already dying Ben or save Christa and they wouldn’t have lost the boat, they all would’ve gotten away. But due to Clem’s foolish childish desire to see her parents, everything fell apart. Again, this is Kenny’s perspective in this version

When the walkie-talkie plan goes down south, Vince is caught and as Clem prepares to turn herself in, Omid takes the blame is the one who is beat to a pulp

Seeing as Kenny has no attachment like Carver had for Rebecca, he does not catch them in the act(you’ll see why later) they are able to free themselves. Troy still gets shot in the dick by Jane

In place of Carlos, Shel is the one who gets shot and eaten. Becca runs

Episode 4. They all make it to the meet up spot. The deal to get ready for the baby happens as planned. Clem and Russell find Shel and Wyatt. While Becca was not sheltered like Sarah, she finds apart of herself died with Shel, but Clem is able to get her to snap out. I like to think Clem, Becca and Russell would begin to have a close friendship rather than Clem and Jane. In place of Arvo, it’s Eddie. Christa gives birth, but she dies. Before dying, Christa tells Clem to promise that she will take care of LJ no matter what, Clem promises. Near the end Eddie would bring back survivors from Kenny’s camp. Kenny has them surrounded. Bonnie tries to talk Kenny out of this and telling him they can all work together to survive. Kenny looks like he’s come to his senses, but raises the gun and shoots Bonnie.

Episode 5. Kenny is hunting everyone down. He wants to kill Clem and Omid and take the baby for himself. The last survivors are Clem, LJ, Becca and Russell. Omid sacrifices himself to save Clem. Clem shoots Kenny and for a brief moment, the old Kenny resurfaces and realizes the horrible things he’s done and apologizes. We would have a choice to forgive him, say Kenny will see Duck and Katja or to condemn Kenny

If I had my way ANF would be about Clem, LJ, Becca and Russell in Wellington, but let’s say it happens as per canon. Russell dies in the raid on Wellington. Becca stays in RIchmond and Clem goes on to find LJ

The Final season happens, but LJ knows about his parents Christa and Omid and Lee. Clem would always remind LJ that they’d all be proud of him.

[vipclifford]

Dazed and Confused

masterlist

Getting drunk on cheap spirits seemed to be Calum’s new way of spending his weekends. Sure, he regretted it each morning, but it was a rite of passage for each college student to spend their weekends this way. Sick of all the noise complaints, everyone had mutually decided to have their drunken gatherings on a secluded field near the campus. Music blasted from different speakers, each area split by a different genre. The cheers and screams of drunk students seemed to somehow overcome the loud music.

A joint was passed around Calum’s friendship group who sat in their own little secluded corner. He took a drag before handing it to Luke, who was already coughing before the smoke even made it past his lips. Everyone chuckled at the blonde who just pouted, his girlfriend kissing it away. Calum rolled his eyes at how quickly it turned into a make out session.

“It’s okay, Cal. You’ll find love eventually,” Michael chuckled, noticing Calum’s disgust at Luke’s public display of affection. All of his friends were in relationships, except for Calum. He showed him his middle finger as he brought the bottle to his lips.

“Love doesn’t want me to find it,” he replied easily before chugging what was left of the bottle of vodka in his hands. Snickers erupted through the group at his words.

“Don’t be so pessimistic,” Ashton said with a shake to his head, passing his friend a can of beer. “What’s your type? I’m sure we’ll be able to set you up with someone.”

“I don’t like to categorise women into boxes,” Michael pretend to throw up at Calum’s words. He rolled his eyes, opening the can before taking a sip.

“So what you’re saying is big tits and arse?” This earned Michael a light smack on the arm from his girlfriend, followed by a loud ‘Hey!’

“I’m saying I don’t have a type.”

“That’s what people say when they don’t want to admit that they like big tits and arse,” he reasoned before going off on a tangent about different girls he knew who would be perfect for Calum, Ashton joining in. He zoned out instead, leaning back on the grass to stare up at the stars. Surprisingly, girls weren’t Calum’s top priority.

The bathroom in the English block was usually empty at around four o’clock on a Monday, but a face Calum didn’t recognise stood in front of the mirror, styling his hair. Calum awkwardly walked to stand beside him as he washed his hands, refusing to look up at the mirror to avoid eye contact. His hand brushed Calum’s as they both reached simultaneously for a paper towel, the Maori bouncing back as a quick apology flew past his lips. Calum heard him chuckle quietly at his reaction.

“Here,” spoke a foreign voice as a blue paper towel appeared in Calum’s field of view. He looked up to meet pale green eyes staring back at him, a soft smile on the guy’s lips. His mousy brown hair was swept upwards in a way that reminded him of Edward Cullen, though it was more dishevelled. A rolled up joint was tucked away safely behind his ear.

Calum cleared his throat once he realised he was staring, quietly telling the guy a “thank you” as he plucked it from his fingers.

“It’s whatever,” he shrugged, placing a hand on Calum’s shoulder on his way out. “Meet me up on the roof,” the mystery man told him with a smile before walking out the door. Calum was left with a dumbfounded expression as he watched the friendly stranger walk away, hands still wrapped up in the paper towel.

The sun had just set, the pale blue sky darkening by the second. The rooftop was isolated, except for the man who stood leaning against the black railing that lined the edges. Calum could see clouds of smoke surrounding him as he got closer.

“I’m Noah,” he informed Calum once he stood beside him, not tearing his gaze away from the view over the campus. Noah held the joint that once sought refuge behind his ear in front of Calum, who looked down at it tentatively. “You looked like you needed it,” he explained, trying to reduce Calum’s hesitance. He took it from him and took a drag, a content feeling settling in his chest.

“I’m Calum. Haven’t seen you around before,” he told him honestly as he returned the joint, blowing out smoke. “What course are you taking?”

“You’re Australian,” he grinned, noticing Calum’s foreign accent. “I’m doing my third year in graphic design, so I’m not usually around this building,” Noah explained, placing the joint between his lips.

“Literature major.”

“I figured something of the sort. You give off a well-read vibe,” he commented with a nod. “As though you’re always carrying an eighteenth century novel in one hand, and a notebook filled with poetry in the other.”

“That’s oddly specific and accurate. Almost like you’ve been watching me,” Calum teased, smiling when he heard Noah’s angelic laugh.

“You caught me,” he joked.

The next half hour was spent like this. Breathing in the scent of marijuana while teasing each other. The conversation flowed easily, which Calum greatly appreciated. It wasn’t often that he felt like he could genuinely talk for hours about the most mundane of things. By the time the sky was pitch black and the only source of light came from the moon, the joint had fulfilled its lifetime.

They exchanged numbers with a promise of “let’s do this again sometime, yeah?” on their departure. Calum walked slowly to the dorms, hoping his high would wear off enough to not get caught by the RA.

Upon entering his dorm room, Calum saw Michael with a girl who didn’t look to be his girlfriend, Charlotte. He rubbed his eyes harshly in a weak attempt to clear his vision before taking a double take. That girl was not Charlotte. Calum awkwardly stepped into the room, muttering a quiet “hello” at the two, staying pressed against the door.

“Hey Cal, this is Rebecca,” Michael introduced, gesturing towards the girl sat to his left who gave him a small wave.

Calum looked her up and down, analysing her features. Her clothes were basic looking, navy jeans and a dark green jumper. She had short, brown hair, and a small upturned nose.

“Do you know who you look like?” He burst out suddenly, not feeling very in control of his actions. He watched as Becca’s face contorted into one of confusion.

“Who?”

“That little boy from Stranger Things,” Calum said with snicker, trying to think of their name. “Eleven.” They both looked shocked at his words, not expecting him to say such a thing.

“What the fuck, Calum. Are you high?” Michael said annoyedly, standing up to meet his friend. The brunette rolled his eyes as he pushed past him to go to his room. His hand reached beneath his bed to grab the bag of chilli crisps he was craving, finding it after a couple of seconds.

“I should probably go,” the girl spoke awkwardly, standing up from the couch in the communal area. Michael nodded with an apologetic look in his eyes, telling her “goodbye” as he walking into Calum’s bedroom, crouching down beside his bed. Calum laid there, shoving crisps into his mouth.

“What’s wrong with you? It’s five o’clock on a Monday and you’re already high,” he sighed, digging his hand into the packet of crisps. “I was trying to introduce you to Rebecca. She’s a really nice girl, definitely your type, even if you claim you don’t have one,” Michael added with a smile.

“What’s my type then?” Calum asked with an eye roll, munching on the crisps.

“Rebecca,” Michael chuckled at his friend’s unamused look. “I’m serious though. She’s really funny and friendly. We’ve talked in psychology and you’ve both got the same music taste. She’s on a local football team as well, it’s like she’s made for you,” Michael insisted, sighing at how uninterested Calum appeared to be. “Just trust me, okay? Give her a chance on Friday. I’ve heard she gives pretty good blowjobs,” he teased, laughing when Calum shoved him away.

“I’ll only have one drink with her. Nothing more.”

Calum wasn’t sure how he ended up with Rebecca sat on his lap, sharing a bottle of whiskey. One of her arms was wrapped around his neck while his surrounded her waist, holding her side close to his chest. They were at a frat party, as opposed to their usual hangout at the park since it had been raining all week. She stood up when she heard her favourite song playing, dragging Calum by the hand towards the thick mass of dancing bodies.

Her hands wrapped around Calum’s neck and brought him down to her lips. She kissed him hard as he pulled her closer by the hips, both drunkenly swaying to the beat of the music. He could still taste the whiskey on her tongue even when she pulled away to press kisses to his neck. Rebecca’s hand moved down to palm him through the material of his jeans as she looked up at him with a small smile, asking if he wanted to go somewhere more private. He clearly seemed to be thinking with his dick as he felt himself nodding, letting her lead him by the hand to the toilet.

Michael was right. Her blowjobs were amazing.

He asked her out on a date out of politeness, feeling like he should probably get to know the girl who was willing to stick around after their night together. They went downtown for a coffee one evening, the cold October weather narrowing the range of things to do instead. And once again, Michael was right.

Rebecca did have the same sense of humour as Calum. Rebecca did share his taste in music. Rebecca also shared his passion for football and strumming the guitar. She was everything Calum could’ve ever wanted, and yet he was unable to see her as more than a friend. He thought that feelings for her would eventually kick in, but as the weeks passed, Calum began to lose hope.

“Haven’t seen you in a while.”

Calum quickly looked around at the sound of a familiar voice, smiling upon seeing it belonged to Noah. He was sat on the steps at the entrance to the English block, now standing up to walk beside him.

“Been a little busy,” Calum shrugged, looking down at the steps as he descended. “Were you waiting for me?” he asked with furrowed brows, now facing Noah who was already looking at him with a dimpled grin. Calum already knew the answer.

“Are you busy?” Noah questioned with a hopeful edge to his tone, dismissing Calum’s enquiry. He took a few seconds to reply as he erred, first having to figure out what day it even was, before giving him a nod. “We can go to mine then,” Noah smiled, already leading the way.

Noah lived in a student residence building at the heart of the town, around a twenty minute walk from campus. It looked like a regular flat, the only communal area being the gym and the games room. His apartment was decently sized. It had a living room with a small kitchen tucked in the corner, and just one bedroom. Noah opened the window before plopping down onto the couch, rolling up a joint. Calum walked around, looking at the sketches of random things plastered over the walls.

“You’ve got a pretty sweet apartment,” he commented as he watched him make the spliff. “Did you draw all of these?”

“Yeah,” Noah replied, looking around for a lighter while he felt his pockets, smiling victoriously when he found it in his trousers.

“They’re really good,” Calum told him honestly, sitting down on the sofa as Noah

lit the joint between his lips. “I wish I knew how to draw.”

“They’re alright,” he shrugged, not very fond of his work. “And I guess it’s just practice. I was the kid who’d constantly get told off for doodling on his classwork,” Noah told Calum with a chuckle, passing him the spliff.

The conversation flowed as easily as the smoke flowed from their lips. They discussed the Harry Potter series, having a vivid debate over which film was best: ‘Goblet of Fire’ or ‘Prisoner of Azkaban.’ He introduced Calum to artists he had never heard before, the new sounds refreshing his ears. Calum blamed the weed for making him spend a little too long admiring his pale green eyes, or his dimpled smile whenever he talked of something he was excited about, or the way he ran his fingers through his tousled brown hair. Noah didn’t notice, however, too busy going off on a tangent about parallel universes and alternate dimensions.

“I reckon that there must be a reality that is practically the same as ours. There’s another Noah, and another Calum, getting high in a small apartment. Same clothes, same hair, sat in the exact same position. Only, I don’t know, the curtains are yellow or something,” he added, pointing towards his blue ones. Calum shrugged, the topic far too philosophical for his liking when high.

“What’s the point of that, then?” he mumbled, watching the smoke float through the room.

“That’s what parallel universe Calum thinks of our reality,” Noah teased. “But I think that the fact that the curtains are yellow makes all the difference. Colour has been psychologically proven to alter people’s moods, so they’ll probably act differently to us. This would cause ripple effects which will make their world completely different from ours. And it’s kind of comforting to know that everything you do, no matter how insignificant you might think it is, will have an effect on something or someone. Makes me feel less useless. Like I matter. Like I was put on this Earth, here and now, for a reason,” he explained, exposing his vulnerable side to his new friend. Calum placed a hand on his shoulder to capture his attention, smiling softly at Noah when he faced him.

“You are important and you do matter,” he reassured Noah, who just gave him a tight-lipped smile before taking another drag, refusing to say anything further. They didn’t tear their gaze from each other as he slowly blew out the smoke, engulfing them in a grey mist. Calum noticed how the sunlight hit Noah just right, making him look ethereal.

A sharp knock at the door shattered their little moment.

Noah stood up to open it, letting through a group of around five guys, all holding drinks in their hands. Calum watched the movement around the room, realising a few seconds later that he was now probably an unwanted guest. Noah watched him as he looked around the room for his bag, walking up to the brunette.

“You can stay, if you’d like,” he told him honestly, pointing with his hand towards the black bag since Calum was still struggling to find it.

“It’s okay, I’ve probably got some work to do.”

“I can drive you then, if you want,” offered Noah with a small smile, feeling bad for Calum. He shook his head, telling him it was ‘alright’ as he slid his backpack onto his shoulders.

An odd feeling settled in Calum’s chest as they said their goodbyes, and during the entirety of his walk home. It clung to him while eating pizza with his best friends; while going on his evening run; while sitting in class taking notes. He could still feel it even when he was so drunk he was practically passed out.

“We should do a couple’s costume for Halloween,” commented Rebecca one day as they ate lunch on a bench, watching people walk past.

“We’re not a couple though,” Calum pointed out with furrowed brows, unable to hold back a chuckle. Her many hints at wanting to become official had not gone unnoticed. Becca rolled her eyes playfully, bumping her leg with his.

“Still, it would be so much fun. We could be a demon and an angel?” She suggested, Calum scrunching his nose up in disgust. “Mario and Luigi? Peter Pan and Tinkerbell?”

Despite rejecting all of her suggestions, Calum still found himself dressed up as Julius Caesar on his way to a party with Rebecca, who was dressed up as Cleopatra. He held the golden wreath atop his head as she dragged him straight towards the drinks table, not wanting it to fall off. They chugged the first cup of vodka just to get them going, loving the familiar buzz it gave them.

He found himself often looking towards the door, subconsciously hoping a certain man with green eyes and dimples would join the party. He had lost Becca at some point, not really noticing until Luke pointed it out. Michael challenged him to a round of beer pong, which he happily agreed to do, willing to let loose and have a good time.

“Can I join?” asked Noah, coming up behind Calum. He couldn’t help the wide smile that appeared on his face when he turned around to see who it was, surprised to see him there. He was dressed up as an angel, feathery wings attached to his back and sparkly glitter on his face.

“Of course,” he grinned, walking with him to the table. “This is Noah, and that’s Mike. Is it alright if we play teams?” Calum asked his friend after introducing them.

“The more the merrier. Get ready to lose, bitches.”

He played with Noah against Michael and Charlotte. Noah was surprisingly good at the game, successfully landing the ball in a cup most times he shot. They turned out victorious, the crowd of people who had gathered around to watch cheering for them. Calum’s head was spinning, but he didn’t mind it when Noah lead him outside so they could get some ‘fresh air.’

They walked in a comfortable silence away from the party, streetlights lighting up the otherwise empty roads. Steam left their lips whenever they breathed out, Noah suggesting they could get in his car to avoid the cold weather.

“I’ve never beaten Michael before,” Calum confessed with a laugh, shoving hiscold hands into his pockets after shutting the car door. Noah chuckled softly as he concentrated on finding a good playlist once he turned on the heating. He couldn’t help but notice the way in which the moonlight made his glittery cheeks glow. He looked angelic.

Soft music started playing through the speakers, a song Calum didn’t recognise. He smiled when he heard Noah humming to the rhythm of the country song. Noah let out an embarrassed laugh once he realised that he was watching him, moving a hand to push back the wreath on Calum’s head.

“It was too far forward, it was kind of annoying me,” he explained with a nervous chuckle after realising that’s not a very normal thing to do to other guys, the darkness concealing the redness of his cheeks. Calum shook his head with a small smile, silently telling him it was alright.

Noah’s hand lingered near his face, making a move to retract it when he realised. Calum’s hand quickly caught it before it could go far and placed it against his cheek, letting him cup it. He could feel the blood pumping through his veins in anticipation as he watched Noah slowly lean in, eyes on each other the entire time, checking for any signs to stop. Their lips brushed timidly for a second, lingering an inch apart with uncertainty in the air. Calum was certain when placed his hand at the back of Noah’s neck and kissed him.

Nothing had ever felt as right as having Noah’s lips on his, intoxicating Calum more and more by the second. His head started spinning when he felt Noah’s fingers tangle in his dark curls. He loved the way their lips moulded together. He loved the way Noah would tug his hair softly. He loved the way he’d pull him closer by the cheeks. If it was up to him, Calum would’ve stayed that way for hours. They pulled away eventually, giggling at each other’s swollen lips and silly smiles.

“No homo, yeah?” He joked, laughing at Noah’s unamused expression. He rolled his eyes playfully, biting his lip when he looked back at Calum.

“No homo.” And with that, Noah kissed him.

Calum was so scared and confused about his identity. He feared the lack of support that might come from his loved ones if they were to find out about him. He feared strangers’ reactions when walking down the streets. He feared having all of his personality traits wiped out just to be known as “The Gay Guy.” In the past he had pondered on the idea of homosexuality like any other, never thinking it applied to him, but just seeing Noah smile told him otherwise. He craved holding his hand, hugging his torso, kissing his lips.

“Rebecca said you were a dickhead,” commented Michael one day, walking into Calum’s room with two meals from McDonald’s. He sat up on his bed with a confused expression, moving up to make room for his friend.

“Why?”

“For leading her on, apparently,” he informed him, handing Calum his food from the brown paper bag. Calum felt his heart drop at his words. There’s no way she could know about Noah.

“I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about,” he huffed, stuffing some chips into his mouth. Michael rolled his eyes.

“Come on, it’s obvious you don’t fancy her,” he insisted, taking a sip of his coke. “You’ve been seeing her for just over a month, probably slept with her a couple times. That’s enough time to know if you like someone or not. And you don’t, which is fine.”

He didn’t reply to that, thinking about the way he had treated Becca. Michael was right, like always. Calum did string her along in hopes he would fall for her, selfishly seeing her as his last shot at finding love before completely giving up hope.

“We can try to set you up with someone else, if you want,” Michael told him after a few minutes of watching his friend zone out. Calum shook his head, taking out the pickles from his burger. “Don’t give up, mate. There’s someone out there for you. Might as well start looking.”

“I like someone,” he said abruptly, hands shaking as he brought the burger to his lips. Michael’s expression changed into one of pure intrigue, never having seen Calum admit to fancying a person before.

“Who?”

“Guess,” he told him softly, trying to buy himself some more time. He felt like he was in middle school, crushes being the most exciting thing at that age.

“Uh, I don’t know, Rebecca?” Michael teased, scratching his chin. Calum watched him carefully as he gave suggestions, shaking his head at each of them. “Elena from your music class? Naomi from philosophy? Savannah from English?”

“I’ll give you a hint,” Calum told him eventually. They ate in silence for a few seconds. Calum could feel his heartbeat accelerating as he built up the confidence to come out to his best friend. He swallowed thickly, taking a shaky breath before continuing. “It’s not a girl.”

Michael nodded, seeming indifferent to Calum’s confession. He placed a couple chips into his mouth, looking upwards as he thought. Calum watched him carefully, unconsciously holding his breath as he analysed his every move.

“Is it me?” He asked in an uncertain tone, finally looking back at his friend. The words he spoke finally registered in his brain, vigorously shaking his head no in response.

“No! You? No, no, no,” he got out quickly, unable to stop a nervous chuckle from leaving his lips.

“I don’t fucking know, just tell me then,” Michael said defensively, bored with the guessing game. “‘No, no, no,’ what, am I completely unattractive then? Didn’t realise I repulsed you,” He teased, lightly hitting his leg with his own. A sense of relief washed over Calum, realising how well Michael had taken his confession.

“No, you don’t repulse me. It’s just - it’s not you.”

“I was joking, don’t worry about it,” Michael reassured him with a smile, finishing up the last of his burger. “Is it that bastard who beat me at beer pong on Halloween?” Calum chuckled at his wording, thinking back to that night.

“Yeah. His name is Noah,” he told him with a soft grin.

“Well he’s hot,” Michael said honestly after a few seconds, stealing a chip from Calum who slapped his hand away.

“What?” Calum chuckled nervously, surprised at his words.

“He’s a handsome guy, isn’t he? What am I supposed to tell you, mate?” He said with a snicker, unsure about how to handle this situation, but wanting to support his friend regardless. Calum just shook his head with a grin, happy with the outcome of their conversation.

“Well, you’re not wrong,” he shrugged, finishing off his drink. “Oh, and you know how Rebecca gives really good head?”

“Allegedly.”

“Noah’s blowjobs are better.”

Calum ran his finger down Noah’s jaw, smiling softly at the feeling of his scruff. He moved closer to press a kiss to his jaw, laughing when Noah turned his head so his lips would land on his. His head rested on his shoulder as they watched How I Met Your Mother together. Noah’s arm found refuge around Calum’s shoulders, fingers threading through his dark curls.

The smell of citrus from Noah’s hoodie overpowered Calum’s senses. He couldn’t help but dig his head closer to the crook of his neck, loving the scent his clothes gave off.

“What are you doing?” He could feel Noah’s chest vibrate has he laughed, looking down at the brown-eyed man. Calum shrugged with a bashful smile, embarrassed to have been caught.

“You just smell good,” he chuckled in embarrassment, pulling at the strings of Noah’s dark green sweatshirt, the word ‘empathy’ written in bold white letters at the front. A hand was placed beneath his chin, slightly squishing Calum’s cheeks as he lifted his head up to meet green eyes.

“You’re fucking weird,” he told him in a serious tone, unable to hold back the teasing grin that emphasised his dimples. Calum rolled his eyes playfully at his words, letting Noah bring his face closer. “But, you’re also really fucking hot,” he said lowly before crashing their lips together.

Their lips moved quickly, desperately, against each other. Low groans were drowned in the kiss whenever Noah tugged on Calum’s hair, knowing he enjoyed it. He wrapped his arms around his neck, leaning back on the sofa until he was laying down on it with Noah’s body on top of his.

He sat up to take off the hoodie. Calum watched him, mouth agape, as he lifted up the green material over his head. His chest was toned and arms were muscular. In that moment, as the thin strips of sunlight hit the side of Noah’s face perfectly, all of Calum’s fears and confusion about his identity melted away. He was certain that he was supposed to be with a man. Right now, he wanted to be with Noah.

“Be my boyfriend,” he muttered abruptly, not feeling very in control of his words and actions.

Noah froze, letting the sweatshirt fall onto the ground. He looked down at the man beneath him, who looked up at him with a dazed look in his eyes. He took in his messy dark curls at the top of his head. He took in the hopeful smile that made his heart skip a beat. Then he began to nod.

“Yeah,” he replied softly, lips pulling up into a smile. “I’ll be your boyfriend.”

Calum’s grin matched his boyfriend’s as he sat up to give him a gentle kiss. His rough fingers slowly moved up and down his back as Noah slipped his fingers beneath his shirt, lifting it off for him. Hands immediately grabbed Calum’s cheeks to make their lips rencounter, a kiss filled with passion and desire. They could feel each other’s joy through every touch.

“Nice hoodie,” commented Luke one night when the guys met for beers and pizza. Calum looked down at the stolen green hoodie with a small smile, remembering the events from the week before.

The guys talked about their girlfriends for a while, Calum zoning out of the conversation like usual, unable to help it. He was fairly sure it had become a reflex. Only this time, he was busy thinking about Noah. His friends eventually picked up on his sudden mental distance, slightly shaking his shoulder to bring him back.

“When are you going to get a girlfriend so we can go on group dates together?” asked Ashton, shoving a slice of pizza in his mouth. He shared a quick look with Michael who gave him an encouraging nod.

“I’m dating someone,” Calum said nonchalantly, taking a sip from his beer. He tried to hold back a chuckle at Luke’s and Ashton’s reactions, the two men looking at him with wide eyes full of surprise.

“What the fuck? Since when?” yelled Luke, desperate to find out more about his best friend’s secret lover.

“Since last week.”

“Mate, it’s Friday. Was it too hard to slip that into conversation a little earlier in the week?” Luke asked incredulously, hands waving around to emphasise his words. Calum just shrugged as he handed Ash a new can of beer, Michael snickering in the background. “Oh my God! I can’t believe you told Michael and not us two,” indignance laced his tone when he realised the reason behind Michael’s laughter.

“Hey, don’t get annoyed. It’s not fair on Calum,” Michael stepped in, trying to diffuse Luke’s annoyance due to the initial shock.

“Who even is the unlucky girl?” Luke teased.

“Yeah, what’s her name?” Ashton asked, backing up Luke’s question.

Calum took a few seconds to reply, taking a deep breath to build up the courage he was lacking. He looked back at Michael once more, receiving a reassuring smile on his behalf.

“His name’s Noah.”

Silence fell over the room as his two friends processed Calum’s confession. He nervously fiddled with the can in his hand as he awaited their response. Each quiet second that passed made him begin to regret letting them know.

“You’re gay?” asked Luke eventually, looking up at his friend.

“Yeah,” he replied softly, still wary of their thoughts. Calum had never directly admitted to being gay.

“Sorry for taking so long to say anything, it was just some heavy shit to process, you know? But just know that we support you, and that we’re so happy for you, Calum,” Ashton told him with a smile, giving him a few pats on the back.

Calum told his friends the story of how he ended up with Noah, all of whom listened with curious ears. He was happy to be surrounded with so much love and support, feeling like a fool for ever doubting their friendship.

Getting drunk on cheap spirits was still Calum’s way of spending his weekends. Another joint was passed around Calum’s friendship group who sat in their own little secluded corner of the field. He took a drag before handing it to Noah, who pressed a quick kiss to his lips that left them both with silly smiles. Their fingers laced together as he leaned his head on Noah’s shoulders, returning back to his previous conversation.

“I love this song,” Noah yelled suddenly, standing up with a bright smile. He ran closer towards the music with Calum’s hand still in his, his nose scrunching up in disgust once he recognised the song.

“You’re kidding,” he stated seriously, confused when Noah began to dance to it in front of him. He shook his head with furrowed brows, singing along to Thank You Next. “Is this some fucking hashtag or what?” Calum chuckled, letting Noah move his hands for him. “When you meet the man of your dreams but it turns out he likes Ariana Grande.”

“Woah there, did you just call me the man of your dreams? Is that me you’re talking about?” Noah asked with a grin, dimples prominent on his cheeks. Calum rolled his eyes playfully, slightly tilting his head to the side.

“No, that’s just the way the hashtag goes,” he defended.

“Excuse me, but you just said that I was the man of your dreams,” Noah stated with a large smile, quickly giving Calum a deep kiss. “Say it again.”

Calum bit his lip as he looked at the happy man in front of him, tousled hair messy from Calum’s fingers always being in it. He slowly moved his hands up his body until his arms were wrapped around Noah’s neck, locking their bodies into that position.

“You’re the man of my dreams.”

masterlist

[arcticficialbanana]

I guess I’ll learn for myself, P4

Title: I guess I’ll learn for myself; Chapter 4: You’re coming with me Chapter 3 , Chapter 2, Chapter 1

Pairing: Jack x Reader

Word Count: 5,568

Warnings: possibly an extreme transcendental crisis? A bit of Dean angst? Some fighting. A little background on the orphanage. [If you notice I did not tag something in the warnings please message me to add the warning]

A/N: [Firstly I’d like to thank you for reading and those interested in future chapters @snxffles and @dloves1direction @jadepc @paw-paw-living​ @snxffles@whatthehellisacastiel you are all wonderful. Quick question: do you want me to keep posting summaries of the previous chapter? I’m not sure if it is useful.] Sam and Dean go to investigate a lead on Jack’s location. When they find you, Jack refuses to leave with the Winchesters. In the midst of an attack they realize it’s not safe to leave you behind.

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You come through the diner door and check to make sure there aren’t any people to witness the coming commotion. Just one man drinking a coffee and reading to himself, so this might be safe. “Lu-Luke?” you stammer as you don’t see Luke behind the counter. Muffled noises coming from the back sound like, “Be right out!” You look uneasily from Jack to Sam and turn back to the counter, rocking back and forth on your toes impatiently. “Luke, it’s me.” you chew your lip nervously. Nobody explained to you why they need to meet Luke or why some private tattoo threw them into a whirl of questions. “What’s a matter? That Calvin Klein ad make a run for it again?” Luke’s voice echoes, clearer but still invisible.

Jack tilts his head in confusion and you squirm in discomfort, hoping Luke doesn’t say anything revealing or embarrassing. “Actually, his name is Jack...” “Well, I’ve just pulled an apple pie out, so,” he comes through the door wiping his hands on his apron, “you can tell me all-” He looks up at you and the three men surrounding you, “-about it.” He drops his apron and reaches for something under his counter. “Apple? Hope there’s enough to share.” Dean cracks and steps in front of you. Luke has a shotgun aimed right at Dean’s shoulder, and you gasp a breath of surprise. You’re not surprised Luke has a firearm, but you didn’t even see him slide it out from under the counter, and you are very confused about why he is pulling it on this stranger. “Not keen on sharing I see.” Dean quips, but doesn’t flinch in the face of the barrel. “You’ve got three seconds to tell me why you’re standing behind Y/N, terrifying the shit out of my friend.” Luke keeps a steady aim while Dean and Sam look at one another knowingly. Dean stands up straight and Sam moves up next to him. They expose their chest markings and you shake your head in confusion. What is this? Why did they have the same tattoo? Well it wasn’t very creative or extravagant, so it’s not a surprise to see a similar tattoo on someone, but every detail was the same. The star was the same shape, the waving spikes swirling around it, every last bit matched up mark for mark. You looked to Luke for an explanation. He nodded at the brothers and waved you all into the back room.  The guys walked through and as you nervously walked up to Luke he put a hand on your shoulder. He didn’t speak but he gave you a look that you interpreted as What have you gotten yourself into. Everybody settled down at a square wooden table. Luke pulled up a 5th chair, putting his hand to one of his temples as he sat down.

 “First it was a Djinn. It took her and showed her a life we couldn’t have. A family, child of our own. I almost lost her to the dream. I found her in an old abandoned home and that thing was feeding off of her. I snapped and blew it’s head off before it noticed me standing there. Poor Rebecca. It took months for her to recover after that. Losing the fantasy of what could have been was really rough on her. That’s how we ended up at Y/N’s orphanage. We thought of maybe trying to make it happen. But that image was stuck in her head. She couldn’t find a child like the one she saw, and she couldn’t replace that imaginary child with a real one.”

 You gaped at Luke, your mouth wide open. What in the seven circles of Dante’s hell was he talking about? What the fuck is a...Gin? You’d never heard why Luke and Rebecca came to your orphanage, but you figured like all other people it was to adopt a child.  You feel something warm on your lap, but you feel like you are floating outside of your body. You suppose it never made sense that they came to an orphanage and never adopted a child... but.. but..  “Wait,” you try to wrap your head around what Luke is saying, “I’ve never,” you look up at Luke and stare deeply into his eyes. Neither one of you moves a muscle for a few beats but a squeeze on your thigh makes you continue, “You never told me this story.” you breath out the words in a harsh rasp.  Luke continued to stare at you, not changing his expression of grief and even beneath his tough exterior you can also read pain.  “Why are you telling these strangers?” Your voice comes out coarse and full of anger, “Luke, why do they have our tattoo?” you lean toward Luke and your face feels hot, and you might be crying because suddenly Jack is wiping your face with his hand. You don’t push him away but you don’t break your gaze from Luke.  “You said we did it for Rebecca. Luke why do they have our tattoo?” When Luke’s mouth hangs open you realize he isn’t going to answer you. Turning to the two men you hiss at them, “Did you know Rebecca?” you pound your fist on the table.  “No.” Dean crosses his arms and waits for you to calm down. Sam understands emotions well enough to predict you aren’t just going to cool off in a few minutes so he tries to engage your focus, “Y/N, we didn’t know Rebecca. But we think that Luke might know something about who we are,” Sam leans toward you at the table, trying to turn your attention to him.  “Hunters.” Luke says sternly, but he is looking at Jack who is trying to pull your hand closer to him, clearly as confused and frenzied as you at the moment.  “Wha-what does that mean?” You finally turn your body to Sam waiting for an explanation.

 “We kill things. Demons, werewolves, other bad things.” Sam motions with his hands to invisible forces on the table. You sneer at Sam in disbelief but wait for more before you decide if you should believe anything.  “Our tattoo, it’s an anti-possession symbol. To keep demons from inhabiting your body.” Sam tugs on his collar peeking out the top of the matching tattoo.

 “So Rebecca was what.. a demon? What does this have to do with us?” you feel empty inside, hesitant to believe anybody at this point - including Luke.

 “She tried to make a deal with a crossroads demon.” Luke speaks up, but you don’t want to snap at him so you don’t face him, “She thought we could get the dream the Djinn showed her... but things didn’t turn out-”  “Why should I believe anything you say now?” You say venomously to Luke. He reaches for your free hand, and you want to recoil from him but something prevents you from moving.  “We’ve been in each other’s lives for so long. Why do these strangers make you question everything about that?” Luke pleads with his eyes.  “I don’t want to doubt you...” You say to Luke and turn your face away, noticing Jack whose eyes look like they might pop out at any moment. You relax your grip on his hand, something you must have been doing unconsciously. “It’s hard not to question everything when two people show up with our private memory of Rebecca tattooed on their chests.. practically in the same exact spot as ours.” You drop your gaze to Jack’s feet, “It’s really difficult to believe, Luke, you have to see that. Why didn’t you talk to me about this earlier?” you whisper, even though everybody is less than 3 feet from each other.  “I wanted you to live a normal life.” Luke’s voice cracked.

 “You didn’t give me a choice?” The bottom of your vision is blurry.

 “Would you turn away from that world if you knew?” Luke says very seriously and you blink away tears. You suddenly feel pretty sober. He might be right.

 “Hate to cut your world revelation short, but maybe you can think about this on your own time.” Dean leans forward and you nod at Luke, leaning back in your chair out of his reach.  “What Dean means to ask is how involved are you in the Supernatural life?” Sam pipes in before Dean starts pressing people the wrong way. Again.  “I hunt locally. Nothing I can’t drive to and come back to work in the morning.” Luke sighs, not used to divulging this part of his life to anybody.  “Not much comes through here.” Luke crosses his arms in reflection of Dean and looks right at him, “Including hunters.”

 “Well you missed one.” Dean retorts, squinting his eyes at Luke.

 “Um, we were attacked.” Sam points his thumb in your direction, “In Y/N’s apartment.”

  Luke tenses up and glances you over to make sure you’re okay. Just then he notices a very faint bruise on your neckline, something he thought might have been a shadow from poor lighting in the diner when he saw it earlier.  “We protected her.” Dean digs in to Luke.

 Sam ignores Dean and continues, “Did you happen to notice any strange activity around here? Maybe some time before Jack came here?” Sam asks Luke directly.

 “No, not that came in to the diner. And I should have wards up in Y/N’s apartment...” Luke rubs the stubble on his chin attempting to recollect any useful information.

 “Wards?” you say under your breath in awe of the whole conversation. What were wards?

 Nobody paid attention to you, except Jack who has sat silently next to you this whole conversation. You guessed maybe the brothers made him nervous.

 “Are you sure this isn’t something you brought into town?” Luke questions Sam, “Didn’t see anything before you got here.” Luke implies glaring at Dean.

 Dean scoffs and shakes his head, “Yeah, or maybe you’re not as sharp as you thought you were.”

 Sam holds a hand out in front of Dean, “Actually, that might...” Sam trails off and you look between the two brothers and Luke. Dean is scowling at Sam until something dawns on him and his face drops, while Luke seems to want an answer from them just as much as you.  “The bunker.” Dean groans. Sam looks at Jack and starts to recount, “Something came after Jack a few days ago,” when Dean interrupts, “It was a few somethings.”  “When I came here?” Jack speaks up, making everyone face him for a moment. You think back to Jack’s arrival and start to wonder out loud, “When you said you were from Lebanon...” you remember how ambiguous he was about where he was staying and why he was in town.  “I teleported here.” Jack affirms. Luke raises an eyebrow at him, “Teleported?” he narrows his eyes skeptically at Jack, back to his usual mistrust of everyone. That makes sense now... constantly questioning other people’s motives.   “Jack has...powers.” Sam spreads his hands in the air in a motion that is unclear. Luke looks Jack over and notices you nodding. Both his eyebrows shoot up and he cracks a smile, “Really!?”

 “Listen, what are we gonna do about this one?” Dean thrusts his thumb towards you and you feel offended by his complete dehumanization of you.  “You don’t have to DO anything about me.” you scowl. Luke leans forward ignoring your outburst, “What do you mean?” he assertively requests from Sam.   “You’ve been marked, sweetheart.” Dean enunciates his sentence with a thrust of his finger in your direction, “And unless you’ve got advanced Krav Maga training somewhere,” he waves a hand all over in front of you, “Hidden somewhere there, then we need to figure out a plan for how to keep you safe.” Dean declares.

 “Well, I’ve got her just fine. Have so for the better part of a decade.” Luke announces.  “Great. One less runt for me.” Dean throws his hands into the air. Sam elbows him in the ribcage and asks, “Has she ever been specifically targeted before?”

 You cannot believe that they are just carrying on having a discussion about your future right before your eyes without addressing you at all, “Excuse me-” you start and Jack talks over everybody, “I’m not leaving Y/N.” you turn to him and smile at his chivalry, until Luke butts in, “Gotten very close, have we?” Your eye twitches and you groan. “Weren’t we just splitting scones yesterday because he was jerking your chain?” Luke poignantly adds.  You wiggle in your seat, unable to protest his claims. It is rather strange that Jack has grown so attached to you in just two day’s time. I mean you’re no Venus, it’s not like men die at your feet on a regular basis.  “I won’t leave Y/N again.” Jack proclaims without any question in his voice. His gallant effort renders you speechless, feeling like you are in a fairy tale game.

 “That’s just super. Well we can’t exactly leave you here with Grandpa Rick. I guess we’re back to square 2.” Dean slaps his forehead and Luke shoots him a nasty look of disapproval.  “I don’t exactly trust Y/N with you.” Luke disapproves.  “Well Luke, I’m an adult, I can choose for myself.” you mention, “But Luke is right, I don’t really know you either.” you add.  “I know them.” Jack chirps and you consider their proposition. “I guess as long as I’m with Jack I’ll feel safe.”  “Why, can he teleport other people too?” Luke questions.  “We’re not sure.” Sam admits, making Dean punch him in the shoulder, Jack look to you nervously, and Luke look to Sam in astonishment, “You’re not sure? What? What is this, his first day with powers?”  “Kind of..” Sam adds, earning him another hit from Dean, “Stop it, Dean!”  “You’re giving away too much information, Sammy. Keep it brief, this isn’t book club.” Dean chimes, running out of patience yet again.

 Everybody freezes when they hear the clink of ceramic falling outside the door.

 Dean mouths to Sam “Demon?” and Sam turns to Luke motioning to the ceiling, “You have traps?” he whispers and Luke nods his head. Jack steps protectively in front of you but Dean puts his arm out in front of Jack, “Hang on there Romeo.” Dean whispers and shakes his head.  Luke grabs his shotgun and walks ahead of everyone, reaching for the door knob.

You feel an arm around your waist, just as Luke throws the door open. You see Jack in front of you so you are puzzled and you’re about to scream when a hand comes over your mouth.  “It’s clear.” Luke says as he turns back to the brothers and sees you being pulled back into the shadows, “HEY STOP!” Luke shouts and aims his shot gun, but he knows he can’t fire it while you are held in front of the creature.  Dean and Sam spin around, pulling their guns out in one swift movement. Jack is spinning around in confusion and when he sees you he screams, “NO!”  A glowing beam of golden light extends from Jack to you and you feel electricity crackle around you. The arms release from around you and you hear something hit the wall far behind you.  “Y/N COME HERE!” Luke panics and runs up, aiming his shotgun at the wall. As he passes you he blasts a shell to the back of the room, but you see the round doesn’t affect your attacker. You look over Luke’s shoulder and notice it’s the man who was drinking his coffee in the diner when you entered.  “I’ve got you.” Jack whispers in your ear as he wraps his arms around your shoulders.  Dean shoots from his revolver and the man disappears. “Did you get him?” Luke shouts over his shoulder as he carefully turns in circles, checking the rest of the room.  Dean runs over to the corner where he shot, “No bullet. It must be in him.” He runs his hand over the wall to make sure he didn’t miss a hole.  “Those were demon rounds. Devil’s trap carved into the bullet.” Sam puffs in exasperation.  “The wards on the ceiling didn’t affect him either.” Luke has a worry in his voice like he’s never encountered something of this magnitude.

 “You can’t get me.” A low voice growls by Sam and immediately Sam swings a dagger to his side, but his arm stops mid-air, blocked by the mysterious man’s wrist.  “SAM!” Jack shouts next to your ear so you cringe, but keep your eye on the fight.  “We’re fine, Jack get out of here with Y/N!” he shouts back between lunges and deflective movements.  The man snaps his head to Jack and he licks his lips hungrily. He crouches like he is about to pounce at you, and Jack starts shaking, “NO!” He screams again, practically bursting your eardrum, making you squeeze your eyes shut this time.

 Something foggy enters your brain. You try to breath in but you realize your mouth is inaccessible to you. You don’t quite understand how that is possible, but you don’t feel it there. You don’t feel your face. You don’t feel your Legs. You don’t feel your elbows or your bones. That constant ache in your tailbone is missing, like it was erased from you. Your thoughts are still cloudy, like all you see is the back of your eyelids. But your eyes which are normally a little dry or a little wet or a little sore don’t feel like any of that right now. You feel pieces of you drifting away from yourself. Bit by bit you are gone, and bit by bit you are smaller and lighter. You don’t remember anything about yourself. You don’t remember a life before Jack. You don’t even have a panic about not being able to recall anything of your former life. Your recognition of life in itself beings to slip away.  Your brain is no longer fuzzy, but now it is blocky. Like a computer defragmenting it’s hard drive in the middle of the night. Everything is taken apart and you see it floating by in front of you, although your vision hasn’t returned. Different foods are presenting their images to you side by side like a table made of graphs. Sports and balls and different dances are aligning like a scatter plot that is starting to connect together before you. It seems strange to you now, as you realize this doesn’t make any sense. None of these things are memories. It’s like knowledge is organizing itself in a physical entity in your presence. Nothingness surrounds this school of information, but somehow in the center you see everything filling in from the middle outwards, until you cannot see the nothingness anymore.  You see a finger next to a couple of ears and you recognize a freckle on a cheek beside an a kneecap below an ankle. That is your freckle. You’ve known and hated that freckle all your life. No. You don’t hate that freckle. Come to me, freckle. You beckon to all of the body parts, I love you. Come be with me. You call to them like little pieces of one big image that you want to see together. The toes bundle together and the arch of the foot holds them in place, and the heel anchors the foot. You calmly watch as the whole image blends together smoothly. You want to smile but your mouth is still missing a link. You see a pair of lips move slightly into a curl and you see the chin below it connect to the rest of the image. It becomes a person. It becomes you.  Your mind starts filling with feelings. You panic for a sliver of a moment. How can this be? You stir with confusion in the next moment. How can this be? You are amazed for an instant. How can this be? Part of a millisecond you feel fear. How can this be? You cycle through emotions as your brain begins to process your life and existence and what surely must be a mirror in front of your face.  You want to reach a hand up, but you are still light and weightless. But you aren’t floating. You are anchored in a place of non-existence. You feel a brush of cold start to form in your face. The cold turns to a flush of hotness. Wetness inside your mouth. You tingle as you lick your lips. My mouth! You feel tiny nerve endings crawl down your neck and prickle with jittery alarm. Something scratches under your shoulders. Your chest pounds with blood and anticipation. Your stomach tickles uncomfortably. A thorn of pain spikes in your lower back.  You realize the body is not in front of you, but you look down and see every part of you. I loved you. You strangely thought to yourself. This is so surreal. It’s like I was another person. You vibrate with sensations around your body. It’s like I wasn’t a person at all. You tense your muscles and relax them, almost by involuntary command.

 You feel a warmth envelop you like a blanket made of air and sunlight.

 You open your eyes and look around. You spin back toward Jack, “We teleported!” you say amused and excited. You bounce on the pads of your feet and feel renewed and lively. You throw your arms around him and tighten your body against him.

 “Is that what you feel like every time?” You roar at him in awe.

 “Feel like what?” He leans into you, placing his head in the crook of your neck.

 “Uh, feels,” you look at your hands behind Jack’s head. You open and close them trying to recollect something, “feels, um,” you put your open hand on the back of his head, cradling him and feeling happy and realizing you’ve forgotten what he asked you.  “I don’t know, you feel nice like this.” You exhale into him, feeling your bodies close and intertwined; as much as a hug can do to make you feel connected.

 “THERE!” a faint cry projects to your ears from somewhere to the North.

 You pull back from Jack and he attempts to continue to lean on you, but you place your hands on his shoulders to ground him.  You look up and realize you are under the tree where he first saw you. You flutter your eyes to the sunlight filtering through the leaves, beaming directly into your eyes. You face Jack and smile, not quite sure how he brought you here, but feeling a tiny pull at your heart.

 You whoop as he taps his lips to yours, catching you by surprise.

 “I thought it might be here.” Sam reaches you, barely even panting. Dean is right behind him and he pats Sam’s shoulder, “Good thinking. And you, good job kid, not too far this time.” Dean throws a thumbs up and nods at Jack.  Luke catches up a few seconds later, panting and sweating. He looks at Jack and you in disbelief, “Teleport? For real?” he wipes his forehead and stands up straight, quickly regaining his stamina.  “Why would he lie?” you laugh, and Luke very gravely looks at you, “Why wouldn’t I think that was a lie?” he shakes his head, “You are going to need to really tighten up your complete trust of strangers.”  “Hey, I don’t!” You start to protest and see someone strolling with their dog along the park trail. You nervously look around and state, “Maybe we shouldn’t be out in the open like this?”  “You’re right. But where can we trust? They’ve already marked your apartment, and the diner.” Sam debriefs.

 You chew on your lip nervously, and look to Luke to help you think. He puts his hands on his hips and meets your eyes, gathering his thoughts together.  As he bolts upright you make the same realization and simultaneously you say, “The Garage!”  Sam looks between you two with a wrinkled brow, “Alright, can we go there now?”  “Yeah, it’s just a 40 minute drive.” Luke says and pats his pockets down for his keys.  “Your garage is 40 minutes away?” Dean says insolently, screwing up his face into a judgy scoff.  “We just call it the Garage. It’s where Luke taught me to drive.” you wave your hand dismissively.  “Well if you have a problem your golden boy can flash you there.” Luke flippantly remarks at Dean.

 Sam looks between the two men and inserts himself between them, “That won’t be necessary.”  “I don’t know how to do that.” Jack says mellowly looking down as you grab his hand.  “What do you mean you don’t know? You just did that!” Luke shakes his head in exasperation.  “He can’t completely control it yet.” Sam defends, looking sympathetically at Jack.  “Anyway, we don’t have time for this, how do we get to this shack?” Dean rolls his eyes and scoffs at all of us.

 “Follow my truck.” Luke says, starting to jog back toward the diner. Dean and Sam run up behind him and quickly explain, “We parked over by Y/N’s apartment, we’ll be back when we get the car.”  Luke nods and they start running in another direction when Dean checks over his shoulder and shouts, “Hey! Kid, you coming?” and you poke Jack in the ribs, nodding over at Dean.  Jack shook his head and Dean groaned and turned back toward them, “Come on, let’s go.” he commanded Jack.  Jack linked his arm into yours, wordlessly making his position known.

 Luke hears all of the shouting and turns around, stopping his track, “What’s going on?” he calls back at everybody. Sam just rejoined you and he looks between Dean and the two of you, “What’s up” He says between panting.  “Ken doesn’t want to be without his Barbie.” Dean waves at you in frustration. Sam puts his hands on his head, getting very tired of playing the mediator.  “Come on, you said yourself, we don’t have time for this. Let’s all go in my truck.” Luke says and turns to run off to avoid the drama.  Sam shrugs at Dean and pushes him in the direction Luke is running.

 “But what about Baby! You don’t know what kind of area this-” Dean starts protesting.

 “Dean, it’ll be fine. I’m sure it’s fine, don’t be ridiculous.” Sam gives Dean one last shove and runs up ahead.

 You choose to ignore whatever just happened, but not before you note Dean’s disappointed pout as you run by his sloping form.

 Once everybody gets to the truck Luke starts it up and you instinctively reach for the front passenger side door. Jack tugs on your arm quizzically and you say, “Oh.”  You step back to go into the back but Sam was already getting into the seat when he looks up at you two.  “Oh,” he repeats and starts to go around the car when he runs into Dean.

 “What are you doing?” Dean says, bucking Sam back.

 “They’re-” Sam starts, pointing in your direction when Dean picks up on the suggestion, “Oh no-no no no no.” Dean shakes his head, “You’re not sticking me back there with Harry and Sally. No way.” Dean crosses his arms.  “Would you rather sit with Luke?” Sam suggests knowing Dean would hate the thought. As he predicted Dean tensed up and sneered.  “This is silly, I’ll just-” you start to turn back but Jack pleads with you using large, sad eyes. You can’t help but sigh and give in to his silent demands.

 “Just get in already!” Luke slaps the side of his door, idling behind the wheel.

 “Whatever.” Dean thrusts Sam to the side and walks around him up to the front seat. He gets in and slams the door, earning a side glare from Luke.

 “Okay.” Sam awkwardly gets into the truck. You slide in from the other side and Jack gets in beside you. Leaning over him you shut the door and buckle up his seatbelt. When you reach for your own middle buckle you realize just how massive Sam is next to you.  He shifts around so you can reach the belt and holds on to the frame of the car uncomfortably, “Sorry,” he whispers and you offer him a weary smile.

 The ride over is uncomfortable. Between Jack and Sam you are actually very warm and they are both quite soft, but the tension in the air you could cut with a knife.  “We’re going to have to take Y/N with us.” Dean starts reluctantly. Luke gapes at Dean, shifting his head from the road to Dean and back. He is trying to keep a grip on the steering wheel, which begins to turn his knuckles white.  You decide not to immediately get involved with the conversation, but you feel Jack put some pressure on you with his shoulder.  “So we’re in agreement?” Dean says shortly.

 Luke checks you in his rearview mirror, crows feet around his eyes looking especially deep and weary.  Sam turns his head from the window toward Dean, but doesn’t open his mouth yet.  You look at Jack and your body relaxes when you see he is grinning at you victoriously.  Dean taps his fingers impatiently on the arm rest of the door. He is looking straight ahead at the road, but suddenly he spins around and looks at all three of you in the back seat.  “I don’t know the right answer here, but we definitely can’t leave Y/N unprotected.” Sam raises his head to the rearview mirror, trying to catch Luke.  “That fine with you?” Dean bobs his head at Jack, “You’ll come with us then?” Dean clarifies.  Before Jack says anything Luke speaks up, “I don’t like this idea. But I don’t..” Luke lightly slaps the steering wheel and catches his breath. He pulls up to a gravel road and stops the car to turn and face you in the back seat. Dean leans back toward the door, giving Luke space.

 “Y/N, whatever that was... I’ve never seen something that powerful. I don’t know what is going on with this Jack kid, but it’s beyond my abilities to protect you.” He reaches out his hand to your hands on your knees, “I want to keep you close to me every moment and keep you safe, but I know that’s not a possibility.”  You nod at him somberly and cup his hand in yours. He faintly rubs his thumb over your knuckles, “These people can keep you safe. They might not be the best people, or the most trustworthy, but they don’t seem to want you to die either.” he slants a half smile at you and you lean forward, hugging his neck and quietly speak, “I know. I love you too, Luke.”  Your heart squeezes tightly in your chest as he pats your back sternly and leans back to put the car in drive.

 You roll the rest of the way down the driveway in silence. After a quarter mile the truck reaches the industrial looking building, parking in a large empty paved lot.

 “Alright, we’ll show you how to get into contact with us if anything important happens,” Sam begins to explain as everybody gets out of the car.  Luke and Sam walk up ahead into the building, and the rest of you follow through the door. Luke flicks the lights on and large overhead bulbs flash showing a mostly empty, hangar looking interior. He walks over to a desk and shows Sam some radios and notebooks he has stacked up relatively neatly.  Dean leads up to them and remarks, “We also noticed you were using some outdated symbols, we have some more powerful information to help you out.”

 You feel a giddy mix of emotions. Excitement and fear and hopefulness.

 There are absolutely no expectations for what comes next. It’s like someone telling you they are about to reveal a color you’ve never seen later the next day. It’s all suspense and part of you is unable to bear it, while another part is too nervous for your world to change. You would like to keep quietly living by the park and eating danishes at Luke’s on Wednesdays and reading about fantasy stories in canvas bound books you buy from your meager pay.

 You take a deep, eager breath.

 Jack stands over you like a totem, looking like something beautiful and unknown and important.

 “What makes you so interesting?” you ask pensively.

 “I guess everybody was waiting for me to be born.” he rationalized, although you felt it was cryptic and haughty.

 “What makes me so interesting?” you decide to find out while you were feeling like asking about things you were wondering internally.

 “I guess you’re the person I was waiting to meet.” Jack says also very factually and rationally. The words were romantic, but his voice was almost scientific, making you wonder if it is an arrogant action to take joy in his statement.

 “You’re not being very clear.” You blush as his eyes reach deeply into you.

 “Y/N, you showed me that not everything is very clear the first time you look.” Jack placed a hand on your face and smiled as you leaned in to his touch.

[enguardebitch]

Top 5 least favourite twdg characters?

1. Kenny. Pretty much all I have to say about Kenny can be found here.

2. Jane. Really, my hatred for both her and Kenny are about the same but because there’s only one top place, she’s going second. I don’t like Jane’s overall character, she feels like Telltale took Molly, who’s pretty well loved in the fandom, took away all her good points and remade her into Jane. There’s no originality in her, no take on her character that shows us how they would survive in the real world, like a lot of the characters in Season One being turned around to show us both the good and the bad.

Her “survival of the fittest” mentality only works when she is in the position where her leaving doesn’t affect her in the slightest. She is able to leave Clementine’s group at first because she saw an newborn baby and ran away before the liability would bring her and the group down, while latching on to a starving eleven year old girl and acting like she is a survivor just like Jane is. When Clementine realizes that Jane manipulated her into shooting Kenny and leaves, that mentality is gone because for once, Jane is not in a position where she is not affected by leaving a group. She saw a replacement in Clementine just as Kenny did, and now she’s losing it again. 

As well as that, she makes choices that are all over the place. She’ll berate Rebecca for bringing a baby into the apocalypse but then go and have unprotected sex with Luke rather than keep an eye out for walkers so that the group, including said pregnant woman about to give birth, are not caught off guard by any sudden walkers appearing. Jane will call Sarah a liability and make the decision that it’s best to leave the traumatised teen to die, but then she’ll act like the traumatised child is more suited to survive and do everything she can to save Clementine. Jane will go on and on about her sister dying, but then she’ll snap at Kenny for his “wounded warrior crap”. The problem with Jane is that she is very hypocritical, and will only look out for herself until someone else decides that they’ll put themselves over her, and then that’s where she’ll quickly change her tune.

3. Luke. The three choices for Clementine in Season Two are all my least favourite characters, Luke being no exception. His whole character is based around someone who sees themselves as the hero of the story, who came in saving the poor girl who was about to be eaten and chasing after his kidnapped group to save them from the tyrant who took them. The problem with this though is that Luke doesn’t do it right, and even though he constantly fucks up and behaves more immorally than people give him credit for, the game still treats him as one of the most important figures in Clementine’s life.

He drops her on her injured arm, he doesn’t buy her story about it being a dog and when the group suggests locking her in the shed to wait and see, he doesn’t fight back, he doesn’t point out how fucked up it is to keep a child in a cold shed while she dies from an infection. He took Clementine with him on a dangerous scouting mission rather than one of the capable adults that were with him, which ends up with Clementine nearly dying multiple times on the bridge. He tries to cover up a murder even though his friend, who committed it, wanted to come clean because he couldn’t live with the guilt and Walter deserved to know that his boyfriend was not coming home. He tries to rob the same girl into another dangerous mission with walkie talkies in a community that was basically treating the group like labour, and then ends up fucking up the plan anyway and results in Kenny getting his face bashed in.

But then, Luke decides to ditch said injured man and his grieving girlfriend while the rest of them ran away again. With that, he’s the only one who objects to the murder of a serial murderer and abusive rapist that murdered his friend’s husband, killed Walter, threatened to kill Clementine as well as smack her around, threw Reggie off a roof and beat Kenny so bad that he went blind in one eye. It shows that Luke does not have his priorities straight at the best of times. Afterwards, he was useless in helping Sarah, potentially resulting in her death, slept with Jane rather than do his job like everyone else, again potentially causing Sarah’s death, and then had the audacity to be offended when people called him out on it.

The game doesn’t even let Clementine hate the man who put her through all this, just like it doesn’t let you hate Kenny or Jane up until you can straight up abandon them. Luke’s been shown as a hero when he isn’t, he fucks up at every turn, and yet everyone still seems to love him minus Kenny, who isn’t the best character to be hating someone.

4. Joan. Honestly, it was between her and Carver, but I chose Joan simply because Telltale didn’t learn from their mistakes with Carver when making her. Once again, they took a character who I thought was a well-intentioned extremist who stole and killed to protect her own people, of whom she had lost before, and made her into a crappy character. However, the next episode they took Joan and made her a bland, one-dimensional doomsday villian with no reason to do half of the things she did other than to drill it into the player’s skull that she was the villian.

There was no reason to not take Javier’s decision and kill the person he said to save, it just caused doubt in Clint about her methods of ruling and lead to him turning against her and going for a more peaceful solution, and then ending up in the fight between Javier’s group and Richmond’s. And while you can shoot her and get revenge for not only Prescott, but for your own niece’s death, Joan can still potentially live and escape Richmond without any repercussion for what she done. At least with Carver, Clementine and the player got closure because no matter what, he dies and is unable to hurt the group again. With Joan, you don’t get that if you decide to end things peacefully and agree to Clint’s offer.  

5. Kate Garcia. Now the main reason I don’t like Kate is because of her complete lack of character. She is nothing more than a plot device used to create tension between Javier and David, and is part of a romance subplot that would have made the season so much better if they had just taken it out and gave Kate her own wants and desires that didn’t revolve around Javier.

She should have been a character who learned how to mature into motherhood with children that, while not biologically hers, she deeply cared for and loved so much. Rather, all the choices surrounding her were basically if Javier wanted to be in a relationship with her, and the point of her interacting with her step children died off when Mariana died and she allowed Gabe to leave her care so easily with his father, who at that point was becoming more mentally unstable due to the pressures of the world around him. Her behaviour if you don’t romance her puts me off even more, as she turns basically into a female Nice Guy who wants to distance herself from Javier just because he didn’t want to be in a relationship with her, and even though he tells her that she is his best friend.

This happening when the man is mourning not only the death of his brother, but also the potential death of his nephew and all his friends that were with him at that point. Tripp is dead, Eleanor betrayed him and he may not even forgive her for that, Conrad is potentially dead by either Javier’s own hand, by walkers just as they were mending their friendship, or even sacrificing himself to save Javier’s life. Javier had also lost his niece, all he has left is Kate and she can’t see through her own pain to see that he is hurting too.

[dontshootmespence]

Becoming Real: Confiding

In this installment of Becoming Real, Diana decides to join a weekend soccer team that plays for fun. She misses soccer and wants an athletic release from the stress of school. Aunt JJ loves soccer and used to play in college, so one day, they decide to run drills and plays together. @coveofmemories @the-slytherin-ice-queen @cosmicjennifer @mxolh @ultrarebelheart @remember-me-forever-silent-angel @tinyplanet-explorers @burnbrightdoll

                                                              ----

“Where are you headed?” Spencer asked when he heard the door open.

Diana had plans to run some soccer drills. Classes were tough and she kind of wanted to kick something, so why not a soccer ball. “Going to meet Aunt JJ down the block at the field and run some soccer drills!” she called back. 

“Have fun!”

As she headed out of the house, she placed a kiss in her hand and tapped Rebecca on the side.��“Just down the block, so I’m not taking you today,” she laughed. Once at the field, she texted her aunt to tell her she was there.

A few moments later, she got a text back and minutes after that she saw her aunt cross the field. “Hey, sweetpea!” she said, enveloping her niece in a tight hug. “How is college treating you?” Her face softened even more and Diana could see the gears turning in her mind. She was thinking about how much she’d grown. “You’re in college already!”

Diana laughed, dropping the ball on the ground and kicking it toward her aunt. “It’s going. It’s hard. But that is kind of what I asked for, so I guess I can’t complain too much.” JJ returned the ball and for a few moments, they said nothing, just kicking the ball up into the air and showing off their respective moves.

“What made you decide to join this league?” her aunt asked. Diana would be starting next week.

Diana shrugged. “I miss it,” she said, remembering back to when she’d first start at the age of 10. “I loved it. I started to not like it after Sophie and I had our issues, but now we’re over it and I need some kind of physical release after class.” She chuckled, knowing exactly how her girlfriend would respond to that. 

Apparently, JJ had seen the look on her face. “How’s Malin?” she asked with a smile. 

Diana couldn’t keep the smile off her face. She really liked Malin; she was gorgeous, insanely talented, smart, kind - pretty much anything anyone could want. “She’s great,” she said. “She’s actually trying out for that American Idol knockoff show out in California right now.” When the words left her mouth, she grimaced a little bit.

“What’s that mean for you guys?” JJ asked, kicking the ball up and hitting it with her knee. She could see the answer on Diana’s face. 

She wanted the absolute best for Malin, because she cared about her so much. But if she did make it onto this show, she would be moving out to California for the foreseeable future. Malin wanted more than anything to sing with her band for the rest of her life, and she was talented enough to do exactly that, but Diana couldn’t deny that if would more than likely mean the end of their relationship.  “If she makes it, she’s moving. And even if she doesn’t win the show, I know her; she’ll want to stay out there to try and pursue her dreams. We haven’t really spoken about it, because I think we both know what’s going to happen, but...” Tears stung at the corners of her eyes, so JJ picked up the ball and walked over to her niece, enveloping her in a tight hug. 

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll decide to do long distance? And even if you don’t, at least it’s amicable.”

“Yea,” Diana shrugged. “It’s just that Malin’s my first real relationship, so it’s hard.” JJ of course knew that Diana and Michael had gone on a date, but it had been one date. Malin was her first relationship ever, and she felt for her - the demise of the first relationship was always one of the hardest. At that age, you were so in love, with nothing but opportunity ahead of you, but losing that first love always hurt like hell. 

JJ put the soccer ball back on the ground and ran down the field. “Well, let’s get the frustration out. Kick that ball as hard as you can.”

Diana ran back and poised herself, running forward, moving her leg back and kicking the ball harder than she ever thought possible. She watched in awe as it flew down the field and passed her aunt, who had to run after it. “Damn, that was a good one,” she said, running out of breath as she came back to Diana’s side. “More than a little frustrated?”

She nodded and took the ball from her aunt, once again kicking it more than halfway down the field. If she needed a scholarship, she probably could’ve gotten an athletic one based on that kick alone. “You know,” Diana started, “Sometimes being an adult has it’s perks, getting to make your own decisions, driving is pretty cool, but then it also sucks, because I don’t like this.”

JJ totally understood how she felt. Adulting was hard. And dating, especially before she started dating Will, was horrible, never knowing where you stood in the eyes of the other. “Eventually, if it’s what you want, you’ll find someone that you can’t live without and you’ll do whatever it takes to make it work. Anyone who ends up with you will have one of the best women in the world.”

“Thanks, Aunt JJ,” she said, leaning into her for a hug before running down the field to grab her soccer ball. “Wanna go grab an ice cream cone? I wanna drown my sorrows in chocolate chip cookie dough.”

“I’m more of a mint chip girl myself,” she laughed, “But totally. Gimme the ball.”

As they walked down the block, they kicked the ball back and forth toward each other - both had great balance. While they ate, Diana asked how Michael was doing in college. He’d just started at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York City. Michael still wanted to be a profiler more than anything. “He’s great,” she said. “Very busy. But he’s loving it in the city.” She looked a little sad. Her youngest baby was already off to school. “He’s going to come back for all of the breaks you have. I was thinking that maybe you, and your dads, and us, and Morgan, Savannah and Hank and the girls could possibly go away together, maybe skiing, around Christmas. I feel like it’s been ages since the group of us have been able to spend any quality time together.”

That lifted Diana’s spirits. She hadn’t seen Michael or Hank, or Amaya and Penelope for that matter, in forever. Hank especially. After her Uncle Derek retired from the BAU, they moved to Chicago to be closer to his mother, but now that Hank was going to be starting at Georgetown in the fall, they were moving back to DC again. “That would be amazing. Bring it up with Daddy when we get home!”

“Speaking of, let’s get you home. If you want, we can make this a weekend thing.” Her aunt was definitely having a little bit of empty nest syndrome and out of all her aunts and uncles she was probably closest with JJ and Garcia. 

They began to walk back toward home. “That sounds awesome. Ice cream included, right?”

“I mean, obviously,” JJ laughed. Once they got back, Diana opened the door with her key and JJ walked in being her.

Diana spun around and gave her a hug. “That was so much fun and totally necessary. Love you, Aunt JJ.”

“Love you, baby,” she replied. “Hey, Spence. I was thinking, since they are moving back, that maybe them and Will and Henry and Michael and I and you guys could all go skiing during Christmas break this year. Like the week before?”

“That sounds like fun,” he said. “I’ll absolutely fall on my ass, but I think Luke would enjoy.”

“Enjoy what?” Luke said, popping out from the hallway. 

“Skiing with Derek and family and JJ and family sometime around Christmas.”

“To watch you fall on your ass. I’m in.” Diana gave him a high five and laughed as she passed to go to her room. 

“Now we just have to see if Derek and Savannah are interested,” JJ said. “It’d be great if we could all go. We haven’t been able to spend time together in forever.”

It really had been too long. “I’ll text Morgan,” Spencer said. “I’ll guilt him into going.”

“We all will,” Luke laughed.