#and i understand there are some cases where the symptoms are so Out There that it is noticible but it’s still up to the person suffering to

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

[c-nan]

a lot of people don’t like to hear this, but like..if you need help, if you need anything you have got to ask for it. no matter how much you think your struggling is visible and how much you think people should just be able to see and reach out..they won’t, they don’t see, they don’t know what’s going on and you can’t expect them to be able to read your mind and know exactly what’s going on/what to do to help. it’s up to you. it’s YOUR responsibility to both want to get help and actively try and get it. no one is going to help you if they don’t know you need the help in the first place and it’s not fair to get angry at them for not knowing

[whimseee]

most frustrating thing is when people perceive you incorrectly and you can’t correct them at all

[shirefantasies]

Congratulations on 100 followers! 👏 🎉 🥳

This kind of a weird request but I wanted to ask how you would imagine the Fellowship would react/take care of their companion on their period? Like having severe cramps. It can be romantic or platonic relationship it's up to you but I would like Boromir to be romantic.Just lots of fluff basically.🤗

I just really enjoy reading how my favorite characters would take care of me when I'm in pain.😅

Thank you 🥰 oh same because I get reallllly bad period symptoms unless I take my supplements long enough before (and sometimes anyway 😣) so I adore being taken care of by my blorbos 🥺 doing everyone because I wanna write this with Faramir & write some wlw fluff 🥰

LoTR Characters When You’re on Your Period (F!Reader)

Warnings: small blood/pain mentions, a suggestive joke

Aragorn

✧ Your exchange is wordless; Aragorn sees the way you jolt at a sudden shock of pain, catches your eyes and gives you an inquisitive nod. You nod back and that is that, no questions asked.

✧ If you are traveling, your pace slows and Aragorn will hear no two words about it. He allows more breaks, hunts twice as hard, directs you to the softest place to sit and just gives the others firm looks if they try to give complaint.

✧ “Please,” he’ll urge you gently, taking your hand in his, “try to eat something. You’ll need your strength.” Just the sound of his voice, the care therein, practically brings tears to your eyes.

✧ Honestly, it takes a lot for him to suppress his laughter if you snap at one of the others, at least when your outburst is warranted. Glance over and you might catch him giving them an ‘I warned you’ look.

✧ Takes on more fights for you, bidding you to stand back and let him take care of things for once.

Legolas

✧ Perplexed but very concerned when he comes upon the sight of you sprawled out with a grimace of pain across your beautiful face. His first motion is to help you up, secondly asking what ails you. While he looks at you like he does not understand, his actions suggest otherwise.

✧ Every month he learns to follow it, the moon his reminder, and every month Legolas silently begins his gathering. Your favorite tea? Check. Your comfort item? Perfectly clean and ready to hand off. Your bedding? Also perfectly clean and assembled just how you like it. Even Legolas’s words are softer, more understanding in case of sudden complaint or upset.

✧ “It’s like you know what I want before I want it.” “Knowing you,” Legolas replies with a smile, “is my greatest joy.”

✧ Good luck trying to stand on your own; Legolas all but hovers around you, offering a hand whenever you attempt to rise.

✧ He becomes extra protective, taking hold of you by the waist at the first sound or sight of danger, lest anything make it worse.

Boromir

✧ All but bursts into your room the moment he hears that you are bedridden, rushing to take your hand and ask you what has happened in a whisper you can’t help a faint chuckle at before you explain.

✧ Taken visibly aback, Boromir then shakily asks what he can do, smiling when you tell him just to stay with you. “Pretend it’s a wound from some great battle,” you joke. “Oh, indeed,” he agrees before you two begin coming up with more and more ridiculous fights and scrapes you got into, Boromir’s thumb drawing circles over the back of your hand.

✧ He offers to try rubbing where it hurts, applying faint warm pressure over where your lower half is assaulting you. “How is this, my love?”

✧ Uses you having any difficulty with walking as an excuse to pick you up and carry you on his back.

✧ Does your washing up, partially just to prove your teasing about him not being brave enough wrong! He is a warrior, after all.

Gimli

✧ The others alert Gimli in a hiss after he less-than-tactfully panics that you’ve been hurt, sending his lips pursing into a shocked ‘o’ and his gaze sliding back to your stooped form.

✧ “Oh, er, well there lassie, if you need anything at all you know who to call for.” “Well,” you groan, “if you’ve any spare rags I’ll gladly take them.” “Rags? What would you want with…oh. Oh.” “Scared of a little blood, Gimli?” “No, not I,” Gimli replies despite his shaken expression, “I’m so used to the stuff by now, what’s the trouble?”

✧ Insistent as he is that dwarves are the best carers of their women, Gimli quickly works to prove his point and, in his words, win your heart with the lot of it. You’re skeptical when you see him sticking rocks in the fire, but at the end of the day the warmth is heaven upon your aching body and Gimli looks just as pleased as you feel.

✧ He probably also recommends you a strong drink under the claim that it eases pain like nothing else. Whether this is helpful or not is up to you.

✧ Goes surprisingly soft when you curl up, still facing wave after wave of cramps. Reaches over to you and strokes your hair, sitting at your side looking for all the world like a guard dog.

Frodo

✧ Your pain is interrupted by a gasp that has you looking up, meeting Frodo’s wide blue eyes glistening with concern at your sudden jerk. Familiar as Frodo is with pain, he recognizes your motion without a single question.

✧ Urges you to sit or lie still, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head like punctuation.

✧ While you rest up, Frodo tells you stories, stories of his uncle Bilbo’s adventures, tales from the days of the elves, anything to send you to a different place then you currently must be in.

✧ Offers you extra blankets or his cloak if you’re feeling cold or in need of comfort.

✧ Shy as he can be, in your time of need his hands hardly leave your shoulders or your side, quite protective even if he is smaller than you.

Sam

✧ “Whoa, easy there,” Sam tells you as he sits you down, “what happened?” Poor thing thinks you got some bad news or something the way you’re tearing up.

✧ Holds you close to his chest as you let the tears flow, shaking his head when you start to tell him it’s stupid, you’re just in pain and upset. “Can’t think of any more reasonable reasons to cry. Don’t worry, just let it all out.”

✧ Such a sweetheart, he won’t leave your side for hardly anything….except to go pick you some flowers to raise your spirits, of course!

✧ Flushes a bit at the suggestion, but one hundred percent helps you undress and change into more comfortable clothes. Even if he tries to look shyly away as much as possible.

✧ Definitely cooks you something hearty and nutritious, encouraging you to eat even just a little bit. Sam will even hand feed you spoonfuls if you’re feeling bad enough.

Merry

✧ “Oh, yeah, I know all about that!” “You do?” “Sure, I saw what my father did for Mum, after all. Come here.”

✧ Apparently what Mr. Brandybuck did for the missus was to build her the most massive nest of pillows known to Hobbit-kind. “And what’s she do in here?” You ask, waving a hand feebly over your new home. “Well, not sure what they did after that but I think I’ve heard of a way to lessen the pain.” Whether that works or earns him a smack you can decide.

✧ From your pillow pile you become queen of, well, Merry at least, though he puts on an act of being scared of displeasing you at first. You can’t help laughing as he kneels before you, asking what snacks you request or if you’d like some water.

✧ Meriadoc “chugs respecting women juice” Brandybuck has silently vowed to never once make any ill jokes at your expense. No asking if it’s your time if you express any emotion he doesn’t, no teasing you for needing help, no acting like said help is too gross for him, ever.

✧ That being said, he even does your washing up for you!

Pippin

✧ Definitely more the type to fret and worry, hands going to your back as you double over and he asks what’s wrong, are you hurt? Whether your words are sheepish or unabashed, you tell him it’s your womanly cycle and Pippin’s eyes practically pop out of his lovely little head. “O-oh. What should I do?”

✧ His cluelessness is actually perfect for the situation because he truly will do anything you say will help, whether it’s bottling up some hot water, fetching you your favorite snacks, making you tea, even singing you a song if you tell him it’ll raise your spirits.

✧ His absolute favorite thing to do, though, is offer company, tumbling onto the bed with you and chatting the afternoon away.

✧ This quickly evolves, though, and soon Pippin is holding you for dear life, an arm wrapped around the front of you where he draws warm, gentle circles lightly over your pain.

✧ “This isn’t so bad, is it?” You swat him for that, but in spite of yourself cuddle closer and join his sheepish laughter.

Faramir

✧ No questions asked, Faramir is by your side stroking your hair and getting it out of your face if it falls so.

✧ Musing over the strength it takes to fight such internal battles, he cradles you in his arms or, if you prefer not to be touched, holds your hand as he sits at your side.

✧ Well-read as Faramir is, some pain remedies swim to the forefront of his mind and he goes off to seek them.

✧ When you lie down, he tucks you in so softly, that sparkle in his eyes you love so much twinkling just for you. “This will pass,” he whispers.

✧ Blames himself if you get upset sometimes, but is reassured and happy again when you tell him he need never pull away from you.

Eomer

✧ Confused, frankly, at why you suddenly can’t walk, for he cannot conceive of a reason until you admit this is unfortunately quite normal for you.

✧ Asks you why, frowns in greater confusion and sympathy when you say you do not know, acts a little bit uncomfortable about details but still sets out to aid.

✧ Too uncomfortable to ask his sister, he opts instead to seek out a healer and practically demand anything that helps with a woman’s “well, time.” He’s getting the spirit slowly but surely, alright?

✧ Bursts into your room with an armful of everything the healer has, ready to brainstorm solutions to have you right again. You can’t help but chuckle at the whirlwind you’ve just gone through all over some cramps.

✧ He gets quite restless until you call him to your side, asking him to quit fretting and just lay with you. “Ah, that I can do,” he says with a grin.

Haldir

✧ Haldir’s steady expression drops when he learns of your ailment. Everything else he is holding or doing drops as soon as possible, too, and he is going to you.

✧ Taken aback at the sight of you, he realizes he did not know a woman’s cycle could take such a toll as to leave you bedridden. He isn’t used to seeing you so weak and is ready to do what it takes to end it.

✧ He has all these wonderful scented oils, some of which help you sleep, some of which he uses to massage you and hopefully numb the pain.

✧ In addition, he guides your breathing through waves of the ache, looking to the breeze and the rhythms around you to help you relax your body that much more.

✧ Haldir is hesitant to show you excess affection, but if you request it, his arms snake around your waist and he holds you there, both of him breathing you in like you’re all he needs and vice versa.

Eowyn

✧ “Sit down, please, I insist.” As much as Eowyn herself is the type to trudge forth through pain or fear, she would never impose the same upon you, instead tending so gently to you.

✧ Hot water always helps her, so she fetches you some as well as a treat from a baker she passed by, taking your hand after she hands it off.

✧ You had best believe this woman will tell anyone in the whole of Middle Earth to leave you alone as you rest, be they her own kin or the host of the dark lord himself.

✧ As you spend more time together, the old adage about ‘synchronizing’ seems to ring true with you both. Eowyn does not mind, honestly, because you bear the pain together and spend much time together in bed. Not the most ideal of circumstances, but if she can lay in the warmth of your arms Eowyn is a happy woman indeed.

✧ She insists so much upon your care, though, that you’ll practically have to wrestle her down so you can reciprocate…not that she minds that, either!

Arwen

✧ Who better to understand what you are going through? Her brows knit at the first sign of discomfort from you, recognizing the signs immediately.

✧ Without a word Arwen is finding out exactly what you tend to prefer- do you get nauseous and seek relief? Do you desire more sustenance and company or less?

✧ During times when you find yourself more stressed or upset than average, Arwen gives you so much grace, running her hand soothingly down your arm and reminding you all weights feel heavier right now.

✧ For all your pain, there is little bliss like being in the arms of your beloved, her soothing deep whispers brushing your ear.

✧ The most patient if you’re forced to wake up frequently in the night and rise, laying there with nothing but love in her eyes as you return.

Elrond

✧ Wise lord and healer as he is, Elrond is more than familiar with the ailments of women. In fact, he is the sort to track it for you as best as he can. So when he sees you feeling ill, sympathy crosses his serene features but no surprise.

✧ Elrond knows every remedy in the book, so he’s quickly making you some calming tea and sitting you down for some TLC.

✧ Very encouraging for you to take time for yourself and make sure you stay nourished, even if that is difficult. There is no shame in keeping your strength up, after all.

✧ Walks with you just a little ways behind, a hand resting comfortingly upon the small of your back.

✧ Sends cover for you where you are needed, no questions asked, because you are more important than tasks others can perform.

Lindir

✧ Practically trips and falls over himself running to you at your sudden shock of pain, dark eyes wide at the way you folded. You seem embarrassed to tell him and while he feels squeamish at first, that is quickly shaken off as he urges you to sit down.

✧ From that moment on Lindir has dubbed himself your personal nursemaid, naught but the call of Lord Elrond himself taking him from his work.

✧ “No, no, lie back down, I can get it,” he holds out a cautious, almost panicked hand when you wince and sit up, “what is it?”

✧ Sings you songs of all kinds, old tales, his own compositions, and of course your requests, again and again if you ask them of him. His harp is ready to gently play you to sleep or just to keep your mind off the pain you feel.

✧ When you wake up in the night, at first he looks frustrated, but that melts away quickly as your eyes meet, apology shining in your gaze. Instead, Lindir helps you up and sings you to sleep again upon your return.

[justwinginglife]

Love your fics so much!!! And your writings!! Can you do one where dense reader thinks she’s getting sick and checks herself into a hospital as she mistakes falling in love symptoms an illness and accidentally confesses to soshiro she’s in love with him “you doofus it sounds like your in love with me” 😍

Ahh thanks so much! I appreciate your support. Also this is the cutest prompt EVER. I love it. Thanks for sending!

A Case Of The Butterflies

You'd been sick many times before, but never in your life had you ever had such a ridiculous, confusing, selective fever. Your heart rate would spike, your temperature would increase, your sweat would drip, your lungs would ache, but only at certain times. Only in certain moments around a certain person. You started to wonder if maybe Soshiro Hoshina was sick as well.

It seemed that every time he was around you, you had a flare-up and you just knew you had to be catching whatever he had.

At first, you tried avoiding him, which relieved your original symptoms but caused a new one to surface- your chest would start hurting if he wasn't nearby. You figured it was heartburn. A severe case. You wondered if it was some sort of lotion or cologne that he was wearing that soothed the throbbing in your chest, so you kept asking him what it was that he wore. He was thoroughly amused and gladly procured a list for you, saying he was excited for you to smell like him. After you tried every single product and had no results to show for it, you decided to just stay by his side. You weren't sure what about him soothed the pain inside you, but it worked so you clung to him like you were his shadow.

When you started wearing a mask around him -it was your poor attempt at resisting whatever sickness he had passed onto you- it further entertained him to no end. He thought you looked cute with it on. Though he did miss your pretty face, as he frequently told you. In the end, you gave up on the mask, your symptoms just as intense with them as they were without them. Whatever condition the two of you shared, it was strong, and it penetrated any barriers.

You wondered if you should just give in to your ailment. If it was hopeless. If you should just let the sickness seep into your bones, take hold of your muscles, infect your bloodstream, fill every inch of your lungs. And then, you wondered if it was possible for you to build up a resistance to this disease.

Thus began a long series of ridiculous experiments aimed at building a better understanding of your condition.

Hoshina got quite the laugh out of watching you slowly inch towards him, your eyes trained on your smart watch, monitoring just how high your heart rate jumped and at what length from him it did so. It turned out your heart rate was always abnormally high when he was in the same room as you, but any form of contact with him was what sent it into a frenzy. Even if that contact was just his breath on your skin from a few inches away, or his gaze penetrating yours. He didn't have to be literally touching you, his presence did enough damage.

This puzzled you further and so your experiments continued.

Next, you paced around him with a thermometer in your mouth to deduce how his proximity affected your temperature. Just like with your heart rate, the closer you got to him, the more feverish you were. You hurriedly jotted your results down in your notebook, which resulted in a smirk from him, but he allowed you to continue anyway. He was very easygoing and didn't mind the random trials you put him through, but more than that, he just loved an excuse to spend time with you. So he encouraged your experiments, told you that you couldn't rest until you got to the bottom of this. He had no idea what you were trying to get to the bottom of, but he supported it fully.

Then one day, completely by accident, you stumbled upon the interesting discovery that you slept better when he was nearby and even your dreams were significantly more pleasant when you had interacted with him right before you dozed off. You had been studying beside him in the library, searching for more evidence to backup your research, when your exhaustion took hold of you rather suddenly. He smiled at you and gently rubbed your arm, telling you to take a nap and he'd wake you up when the library closed. You had the most wonderful dreams of your entire life after that.

How could one man be so disease-inducing and yet his very presence soothed you to no end?

You wondered what the prognosis was for such a severe condition. Would you be stuck with this feeling for the rest of your life? Or would you be dead tomorrow, your heart overloaded from the sheer intensity of it all.

It was that train of thought that led you through the hospital doors, anxious to get yourself checked in posthaste. You rattled off your symptoms, leaving out one very important detail (that it was only around Hoshina that you experienced these things). The amount of symptoms you were experiencing, the severity of them, and the frequency in which you were experiencing them concerned the hospital staff and you were rushed in with some urgency.

The nurses performed all sorts of extensive testing on you and you patiently waited for the results.

Suddenly you got a text on your phone.

It was Hoshina. Again. Ever since he got your number, he'd been abusing the privilege, eagerly messaging you any chance he got. At this point, if he didn't spam you, you were concerned.

What you up to and can I join?

Your heart pounded rapidly in your chest and you wondered if maybe he didn't need to be near you after all to transfer his sickness.

Just in the hospital. You sent the text as if it was no big deal.

I'm sorry, WHAT?

Hospital. Can't you read?

No, I got that. Why? What's going on? Never mind, I'm coming to find you.

You texted him back repeatedly, telling him you were fine, just a little under the weather, and he didn't need to worry. He didn't care. Within a few minutes, he came crashing through the door to your room.

He collapsed on the ground, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. He must've run here.

You bent down to get a good look at him and, feeling your presence, he gazed up at you, a shaky smile spreading across his face as sweat dripped from his forehead. He definitely ran here. What an idiot. What a sweet, sweet idiot.

"Are..." He panted, "Are you o-okay?"

You laughed. "Are you okay? You look like you just ran a marathon."

He chuckled, wiping the sweat from his brow. "And so what if I did? You said you were in the hospital- I was worried."

You shrugged. "I think I've just got some weird cold or something."

He raised an eyebrow at you. "Some cold. And that's why you're in the hospital? Are you dying??"

You flushed, suddenly self-conscious. You didn't know if you should tell him. But he was one of your closest friends. And you knew he'd be as supportive as he could be about your condition; he did just run the whole way here. It's not like he'd laugh at you.

So you told him everything.

He did laugh. He laughed so hard he rolled around on the floor, holding his sides.

You rolled your eyes at him. "What's so funny?"

"Darling, I love you."

You choked. "S-sorry, w-what?"

“The heart palpitations. Feeling sick to your stomach but also feeling even worse when we’re not near each other. Difficulty breathing. Feeling warm, too warm, like you’ve swallowed the sun. I feel all that too. Because I’m in love with you. And, I think, you’re in love with me too- you doofus.”

You blinked. Then, as his words sank in, your face turned a bright shade of red and you buried yourself underneath the sheets.

He tugged at the blanket. “Oh come now, you can’t hide from me. Let me love you, let me love all your troubles away.”

You clenched the fabric tight in your trembling hands. “Could you maybe love me a little quieter? I’m busy being embarrassed.”

He laughed and yanked the blanket down all the way so he could fully take in the sight of your flushed cheeks. “And why would I ever do that? I plan to love you as loud as I possibly can, especially now that I know you love me back. So what do you say, be my girlfriend?”

You bit your lip but you couldn’t hold back your smile. “Only if you get me out of here before I have to confess my shame and humiliation to the doctor.”

He grinned. “It would be my honor to break you out, my darling girlfriend.” He kissed your hand, kissed up your arm, up your neck, and then finally pressed a kiss to your lips.

Then he scooped you up in his arms and took off with you.

Years later, even after countless romantic dates and wonderful adventures together, Hoshina still counts your first date as him smuggling you out of the hospital, stealing a couple things of jello on the way out, and splitting them with you in the getaway car.

[golden-afternoon]

Yeah I was working on another actual fic but uhhh the 'Nari brainrot took over so uhhh here take me going insane over him and rambling about what comes to my mind. Kay? Kay.

Warnings - nsfw, mating cycle talk from a person who only has google by her side, absolutely not proofread having gone straight from brain to paper, and just know there is a solid chance I'll have more to say about this in the future.

Tighnari, by his very nature, is a very compartmentalized person. His own problems stay within himself to be dealt with later when he is done and everyone else's needs are already attended to. Always concerned with helping others and keeping things in order, even to the point of staying up into the early hours of the morning, less concerned with himself than those around him. If he’s ever struggling with anything at all, he will do absolutely everything in his power to keep anyone from knowing about it, much less something as personal as this.

In the early months of the year, especially as Lantern Rite nears, Tighnari becomes withdrawn. Quieter, more distant. The Forest Watchers have been talking for forever back and forth swapping theories and rumors in not so hushed tones.

“I heard Master Tighnari lost a family member around this time of year.”

“Really? I heard he just reeeeally hates any kind of festivities especially Lantern Rite because it's so noisy, even when not in Liyue.”

“I dunno, maybe he's just sensitive to the cold?”

Unlike the usual case where he was quick to nip such chatter in the bud and tell off the Rangers for gossiping, he remains entirely silent on the issue, otherwise carrying on as usual. Setting up excursions, documenting his findings, helping and guiding wherever he was needed…

Until he just can't stand it anymore. With hardly a word, save perhaps to Collei to ask her to care for things in his absence, he retreats, hiding himself away in his hut, barricading himself in completely so no nosy Rangers have any reason to loiter around.

He hates it.

He understands it's natural and it's going to happen and blah blah blah, but it was such a nuisance to his life he would give anything to not have to put up with it. The worst of it usually lasts a week or two before he can at least carry some semblance of normalcy and feel willing and able to return to work, but while he's in it, it drives him insane.

Some years it's so bad that he can't even focus on anything other than the absolutely filthy thoughts that plague his mind, his hands shaking so hard he can't even hold a pen long enough to attempt any sort of work. Even like this he just doesn't feel right not being productive especially when he's always running around here and there the rest of the year, why should this be any different?

Head slamming into his desk with a groan, a flush curling up his cheeks and neck. Eventually he has to crack, begrudgingly caring for the needs that grow and grow and grow and become nigh insatiable during his rut.

It starts out almost clinical, looking to just take care of a symptom of an illness almost. Face flushed, lips curled into a deep frown, he sits at his desk, fisting his cock with precision, hoping to get it over with as fast as possible by hitting everything just right.

But no. After dealing with this for years you think he would have known by now that just once isn't enough, yet he still hopes year after year. It only gets worse. Over and over and over again until he's just sore and it hurts. Until he can't keep jerking it lest he make his own skin turn raw. By this point he usually finds himself in his bed, ears flat and face buried into some blankets to muffle the pathetic whimpers that left his lips as he kept grinding his hips into the pillows over and over and over and over, chasing even the slightest modicum of relief.

And most of the time, as annoying as it is, it was completely fine for him to just be stuck imagining some faceless, nameless mate beneath him as he struggled to sate these urges. However, if Tighnari has a bit of a crush… Well, he'd be in for a rude awakening if he hadn't already acknowledged his feelings for you.

I could see poor Tighnari getting almost ill as he realized the cute moans he was imagining sounded a little too much like your voice. Everything freezes for a moment, his stomach lurching both from the realization and the sudden loss of friction when he faltered. He tries so hard to brush it aside, chastising himself for pulling you into his filthy mind right then. But it doesn't stop. Your face, your voice, your skin. Everything. Everything stays in his mind and he cannot stop it. He feels such overwhelming shame about it, but… he does eventually give in and just let whatever fantasies take root, especially since it seems to ease the feelings when he does.

But when he sees you after the worst of it is over and he leaves his hut, guilt grips around his heart and memories of those fantasies rush into his head, leaving him turning on his heel to avoid you at all costs, honestly risking you thinking he hates you with how intensely he's ignoring you.

It's even worse because Tighnari considers hiding in his hut again for even longer as usually he was fine when the worst of it passed, he could resume his duties, but with you around, he could feel his hands shaking, the intense urge to find you wherever you were and pin you down immediately was so strong it scared him a little. Sometimes it caught him off guard too, like he would catch your scent on the breeze and while in his rut, he would genuinely get so horny so fast he's gotten lightheaded, having to catch himself on whatever was nearby so he didn't go crashing down.

If he hated his rut before, the shame of all this made him absolutely loathe it.

Maybe one day you can find a way to make it a liiiiittle more bearable for him ♡

[trans-axolotl]

getting arrested brought up a lot of psych trauma for me and there's so many things from years ago that are just playing on repeat in my mind right now. i haven't been this fucked up about solitary confinement for a long time. I've spent the first two weeks after getting arrested sleeping on the floor of my friends rooms because I can't be alone in a room without freaking out. and getting arrested wasn't anywhere near as bad as solitary in the psych institution or getting brutalized by the cops when they sectioned me. But it was just close enough to remind me of how fucking scared i was back then. how many fucking times i lost my mind. how the worst part wasn't even the assaults but that knowledge that by getting those diagnoses on my chart, i would never be seen as credible again. I had to lie there, understanding that psychiatric authority could rewrite my every action into a symptom that justified increased confinement. It didn't matter that parts of my madness were in response to the carceral violence i was surviving and that i had been placed in a situation where self-destruction was my only path for demanding autonomy. it did not fucking matter, because i had become a "patient" and that meant i would never be believed again in a system that prioritized social control over any real safety, care, or healing.

last week when they got me alone in a cell with five cops i started to feel that same type of fear that i felt all those years ago when i had to prepare myself to survive some pretty fucking unspeakable things. the moment it sunk in i would be there alone, with no witnesses, i started to feel that same type of powerlessness again. those labels of patient and criminal are weaponized in the same way to create a situation where your words, your protests, your actions are not legible or believed in any way (civil death is how the philosophers would probably describe it. "world-destroying world" is how they refer to solitary confinement.) Sitting in court for hours this week feels the same--seeing dozens of cases each day where the judge is just destroying people's lives and doesn't even fucking care.

i am so angry. i am so fucking angry. i've known all this shit for years, i've joined programs to learn to copwatch and courtwatch and inside-outside organizing and hours and hours of anti carceral suicide support training, harm reduction organizing, trying to build similar stuff for my institutionalized comrades. but i am just so fucking angry every day about the amount of people whose lives are destroyed, who are murdered by the state in these fucking places. it's the same fucking shit over and over again and like, this time i had comrades and community and knowledge and had that type of support I could rely on even when I was in there alone. but I want to scream when I think about how many people don't have any of that shit going through the same fucking thing day after day, who are as alone as I was four years ago, who disappear and are cut out of our communities day after day and we don't always even know whose missing. i want to scream and just keep screaming. i want to tear all this shit down, i don't want the world where I live in to be one where prisons and jails and institutions and any fucking form of confinement still stands.

[loveforquanrui]

zb1's reaction to finding out you're sick

제로베이스원- zb1 and their reaction to finding out you are sick after trying to hide it from them, lowercase intended, mentions of food, gn reader, not proofread, lowercase intended

-jiwoong-

i think it would be easy to hide the fact that you were sick to jiwoong

i give it 2 days max until he finds out

when he does find out, he would not be mad or disappointed, i truly believe he would understand why you were trying to hide it from him

his first priority is to make you feel better, so he would try to come over to your house, so he can make his lovely partner feel better

in the case that you don't want him to come over

he would be respectful of what you want but would 100% be the type to drop off medicine, snacks, and stuffed animals

-hao-

unlike jiwoong, it would be so hard to hide something from hao

hao is soo clingy so its not an easy task to hide that you are sick

when he finds out that you are sick

he'd throw a little sassy fit over the phone and say that he is sad that you would hide it from him

would go over to your house and even though he is a bit upset that you tried to hide the fact that you were sick, he would do anything you need

need to do some chores no worries hao is already doing them

want to get up to grab your journal, hao is already running to your run to grab it for you

needless to say hao does not want you moving an inch from where you are laying

-hanbin-

you see hanbin he has days where he is clingly and days where he isnt

but hanbin is an enfj and would constantly check up on you

the moment you respond unusually late, he would already be knocking at your door

when he finds out you've been sick for a couple of days already

he would be so disappointed, he would be wondering why you would hide it from him

luckily even though he is disappointed, his first priority like jiwoong is to get you to feel better

once you are better expect a lecture on how you should not hide these things from him

he would randomly ask what are your symptoms?

once you tell him, he'd say "i'll be right back", and a couple of minutes later he would return with a bag full of medicine

he would take care of you so well, and even spend the night until you feel like yourself again

-matthew-

when it comes to matthew i feel like he would know that you got sick even before you got sick

you guys were probably out, when it started to rain, and that's when you got a slight cough

from there matthew already knew that you were about to get sick

he wouldn't lecture you in fact i feel like matthew would be sooo chill and relaxing to be around when you're sick

matthew would make sure to buy you the medicine you would need way in advanced

and when he takes care of you he would make a little fort for you two in your living room

and he would put on one of his favorite animes, and would also prepare your favorite snacks

-taerae-

taerae.. listen i believe in clingly boyfriend taerae, it just has to be real

so i give it max one literal day till he finds out that you are sick

when he finds out that you are sick and that you were going to hide it from him, he'd be so petty and slightly upset

our little duck has anger issues but it's okay cause its taerae!

he would be so upset because he wants you to tell him this things not hide them :,(

he would still take care of you of course his pettiness can only go for so long

but don't think it'll be easy

he would be a bit sassy and petty but would still take good care of you and give you all the necessary cuddles

so in conclusion don't hide something like this to taerae or our baby will be upset :(

-ricky-

our ricky who for sure is a T

i don't think ricky is clingly like the other members

so i think he would be clueless to you being sick but..

in the time when he does find out he would try to act calm and collected but our lovelicky would be a worried mess

immediately he would show up to your house bringing a doctor along

after the doctor prescribes you medicine, he would tuck you into your bed, and go buy the medicine in the nearest pharmacy

you being sick activates cute worried ricky :,)

he would help you with literally everything

he would try to feed you the medicine even though he's shy about it

would cuddle with you and watch any of your favorite movies, even if he's not interested in them, he would watch them to make you feel happy

i dont think he would stay the night over like some of the other boys but thats because everyday that you are sick..

ricky will show up with a new gift in order to get you a little distracted from your sickness

in a moment like this you're all he thinks about and he only cares about you feeling better

-gyuvin-

oh our clueless yet adorable gyuvin

listen despite him being a little goofy sometimes he would also be another member that you cannot hide things from

when you tried hiding the fact that you are sick it was.. hard

gyuvin is sooo clingly

so before you could even tell him not to come over because you were busy

he was already at your house, unlocking the door with the spare key

"Y/N" he'd yell and when you can't respond because of how sick you are, he'd look for you immediately

when he finds you and finds out your sick, he'd be asking so many questions

"why are you sick", "when did you get sick", "why didn't you tell me?"

when you answered his long list of questions he would assure you that he can take care of you, and that you don't need to call your mom to do so

and boy was it definitely an experience to put it nicely

he would make you soup and would help by feeding it to you

but of course your boyfriend isn't himself if he isn't pulling a little prank on you

he would feed you like parents feed their babies saying something like "here comes the airplane open wide", when you said you won't do that he insisted he wont let you eat until you do

and when you comply right as the spoon was about to enter your mouth he quickly feeds himself instead

you gotta admit it made you laugh and thats why you love your boyfriend

he always makes you forget about the negative aspects in life

-gunwook-

while gunwook is so smart, i'd think he's a little gullible

i feel like the reason why i think he's gullible is because he trusts you so much so he wouldn't expect you to lie to him about being sick

so when you text him that you are not sick he immediately believes you

it isnt until 3 days later when he calls you unexpectedly, and your words could lie, but your voice couldn't

thats how he found out you have been sick and not busy like you said

he would say "i'm coming over in 5 minutes"

he'd show up with all the right medicine, food, and some flowers

but he would be sooo pouty

he'd cuddle into you, not caring if he got sick, and after those cuddles comes the worst part

the lecture

he would give you a lecture about how you should tell him when you don't feel well because he's here to help you not make you feel like you can't tell him :,)

after understanding each other comes the lovey dovey part

gunwook would cuddle you day and night

and he would read you any book you wanted to read

and he would also tell you many stories of his childhood that you did not know about

and you would rapidly get better since gunwook made you also do activity like yoga that can make your body more relax

so in a week you were already cured, as if you never got sick

your boyfriend is so smart so ofc he knows how to get you to feel better right away

-yujin-

yujin is such a cutie

he would be so clueless as well

if you tell him you're not sick he would also believe you and not ask any questions

so hiding the fact that you were sick would be so easy

it wasn't until after you got a little better and you only had a runny nose when he found out you've been sick

"oh you should've told me"

he'd feel so bad for not realizing that you were sick sooner

so the next time when you guys met up at the park, he bought you a gift as an apology

he would tell you that next time you feel sick to let him know so he could be there for you

yujin may be shy and awkward and times but at the end of the day he is very caring and gentle towards the people he loves

[cripplecharacters]

hi there, i really appreciate this blog! i was wondering if you had any advice when it comes to writing characters who use mobility aids (manual wheelchair and cane) and things that are like, pet peeves or cringey to see written? other than the big ones like “wheelchair bound” or having people just grab their chair or otherwise be disrespectful. i’m thinking more “little things that make it seem like the author is clueless” lol. thank you!

Hi!

You can check out our main #mobility aids or #wheelchairs or #canes tags for the general info! If you have a more specific question, feel free to send another ask:-)

I will talk about my own cane pet peeves because oh boy:

The most glaring, obvious, author-is-so-clueless-it-hurts thing I have somehow seen multiple times is when the writer/artist doesn't understand the difference between a mobility cane and a white cane. Usually in the form of giving their blind character the same kind of stick I use for my mobility issues. Of course, a person could need both for different disabilities! That very much happens. However, it's absolutely never the case in this kind of scenario. This one is an example of a lack of basic research so bad that it circles back to being kinda funny.

The writer not knowing which side the cane would go on for the character. Obviously, in real life, there's a whole lot of hyper-specific scenarios why someone could use it the ""wrong"" way and why it would work for them specifically, some users can also use either hand for the cane; it all depends on why they use it. The problem that I have is when the writer doesn't have a single clue about any of it and just gives their character with a bad knee and nothing else the cane on the same side. Again, shows lack of basic research.

As a certified knob cane hater, I can't just not talk about them here. They're so bad. So non-functional. Don't serve their function as a mobility device because they literally aren't one! That's a fashion accessory. Unless your character has a wrist of steel and doesn't mind that the aid meant to help with stability does the exact opposite, I guess.

I know a bunch of people will disagree with me, but I think the whole sword cane thing sucks. Sorry. The only time I don't roll my eyes on this one is when the writer is also a cane user. I always felt like it checked out two tropes that I hate, the "abled character pretends to be disabled and is actually dangerous" and the "abled writer thinks mobility aids are boring and has to stick a gun in them to justify their existence".

The cane that somehow makes the user non-disabled. Sounds contradictory, I know. I mean the kind of scenario where the character is Weak and Frail™ but then they get the cane and are suddenly just fighting, running, jumping, doing god knows what. Like, did they author forget what the cane is used for? Obviously it will depend on the character's disability how much the cane mitigates symptoms, but this writing choice always feels bizarre to me. My cane is here so that I'm not in as much pain or to help my gait disorder, it certainly doesn't turn me into an abled man who just happens to have a stick in hand.

All these tired old person or similar jokes/comparisons are probably not that funny. We get it, older people use canes. It's not even cringy or whatever, it's just so unbelievably boring it's hard to react to it with anything else than an eye roll anymore.

Apologies for the extremely late reply! I hope it helps :-)

mod Sasza

[lazycats-stuff]

Could you do batman x son reader, where the reader struggles with an eating disorder. Maybe reader faints on a patrol or maybe he just trys to hide his Ed behaviors (like skipping meals, over exercising, purging, ect...) from the family, but one day the family just figures it out.

I completely understand if you don't feel comfortable writing this. You're writing is just really comforting to me so I thought I'd give it a shot. Have an awesome day. You're writing is amazing. Remember to take care of yourself first

Alright... I'm not uncomfortable, but I don't want anyone getting triggered by this or have someone relapse and fall back into the disorder. I had to be in the right mindset to write this so my apologies for the wait. Take care of yourselves everyone too.

Summary: (Y/N) is struggling with an eating disorder. The family figures it out.

Warnings: symptoms of eating disorder, EATING DISORDER, read with precaution and on your own risk!

(Y/N) has been struggling for a while now, but he made sure to hide it from his family. Nobody needed to know what he has been struggling with. (Y/N) went to the extreme lengths to make sure that his family didn't find out about his problem with food.

He knew that they would be all over him if they found out. He struggled with food for about a while now. He hated the way his body looked and he just wanted to have a perfect body.

It has started with over exercising. Even after everyone was done, (Y/N) would do it until he could barely walk back to his room. He did everyday and when just that didn't give the results that he needed, he started skipping meals. The skipped meals were normally dinners, saying that he was full from lunch.

He didn't do it often, he didn't want to raise any suspicions with his family. If he did anything that would raise suspicion, they would be all over him and they would probably bench him from the patrol. If that would to happen, then he wouldn't be happy.

If there was one thing holding him together, it would be patrol. The only thing.

He often found himself looking at the mirror, looking at his body. He noticed his hair and skin were dry beyond belief. He noticed that he got sicker more often, which didn't happen before. He always had strong immunity.

His teeth got sensitive and that was one of the reasons why he skipped meals sometimes. It has gotten to the point that he got dizzy whenever he stood up.

All of this was getting out of hand, but (Y/N) didn't see it. He has only one goal in mind and that is a perfect body. Something that doesn't exist. There is no such thing called a perfect body. There is no perfection either.

There is nothing in this world that is perfect. Nothing.

Other problem was the lack of concertation. He couldn't focus on anything for longer then 15 minutes before he just had to drop everything and just rest. It was difficult, considering that he is in a family full of detectives who solve cases daily.

Speaking of rest, he had problems too. Sure, being in a family that goes out every night to fight criminals and protect people of Gotham will mess up your schedule to a certain degree. But add an eating disorder to the mix and you have a recipe for disaster of a sleeping schedule.

Not to mention the control of his emotions. He found himself often having very extreme mood swings sometimes, but over time he learnt to control his emotions better. Somehow he managed to do it. But he didn't do certain things with his brothers and dad anymore.

He didn't have energy to do anything he used to do anymore. Only for patrol when adrenaline kicked in. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug when it came to patrol and some other things. But the fact is that adrenaline could only go so far.

Of course, there were close calls when it came to his family, but he managed to steer the attention away, keeping his disorder a secret for longer. If only (Y/N) knew what was going to happen soon.

Everything came to a head when all of them got back home from patrol. (Y/N) was freezing in his suit. Despite the suit being good at both heating and cooling, (Y/N) was shaking quietly. He could hear everyone talking, but he felt dizzy.

He blinked a few times before everything went black right before his eyes. Bruce has never turned around faster and Damian tried to catch him, but couldn't. Bruce ran over and quickly picked his son up, calling for Alfred to prepare the medical area.

Jason, Tim and Dick watched horrified from the side. As Bruce ran with him, he noted how light he was. Extremely lighter. Significantly. But that didn't matter now and Bruce didn't piece it together yet. Alfred watched as Bruce laid his grandson down.

Bruce had to step out to let Alfred do his thing. The boys were waiting patiently to hear what has happened to (Y/N).

" B, what's happening? " Jason asked and Bruce shook his head.

" I don't know. He just lost his consciousness out of nowhere. " Bruce explained to Jason and Damian just thought about certain things.

" Did anyone notice how often he worked out and for how long he did? " Damian asked and everyone got quiet for a moment. Dick nodded, snapping his fingers. " He does. He works out 2 hours after us too, just overworking himself. I thought it was stress. " Dick added to Damian's thought.

" And did anyone notice how often he skipped dinners? " Tim jumped in and Bruce had to think about it. He did skip dinners often.

" Or the fact that he doesn't do anything with us anymore? " Jason jumped in too and Bruce paled as he connected the dots.

" Also, his mood swings somethi- OH! " Dick said and Bruce sighed quietly.

" What are we thinking? "Jason asked and Bruce took a deep breath.

" I think that (Y/N) might have an eating disorder. " Bruce said quietly and everyone was shocked by it. But... it made sense.

" What do we do? " Tim asked and Bruce, probably for the first time in his life didn't know what to do.

" We tell him. We see how he reacts. And if he does have an eating disorder, then we are going to help him. One way or another. " Bruce declared and Dick quickly went to the Batcomputer to look into the symptoms quickly.

Just in case.

And to confirm their suspicions.

" How were we so stupid? " Jason asked and Bruce wondered the exact same thing. He did. He is his father, he is supposed to see when something is going on with his son. He is supposed to know it. If not know it, then sense it.

The dad sense! Bruce looked at the medical area where Alfred was making sure that his son and his grandson is okay.

" I was so blind. " Bruce muttered to himself as he rubbed his face.

" No B. " Dick said from the Batcomputer. There was a solemn look on his face now, eyes directed towards the medical area. " We were all so blind. But we can't stay on it now. We need to look for the ways to help (Y/N) if he does have an eating disorder and I think he does. " Dick said and Damian rubbed the back of his neck.

He couldn't help it and Jason had to sit down for a moment. Tim was just quiet. Dick looked down at the floor and Bruce just wanted to hug his son, but beat himself up at the same time.

His son has been suffering and yet they all were blind. Everyone moved to Alfred who exited and everyone was buzzing with excitement and sheer curiosity for their brother and son.

" He is skinny beyond belief. I can see his bones protruding and I nearly started crying right then and there. Oh I have been so blind. " Alfred said and the boys quickly brought him into a group hug. Bruce hesitated before joining in.

" We are going to help him. " Bruce said both to everyone and to himself. It is a promise and an oath. And does Bruce intend to make sure he fulfills it. No matter what.

[emepe]

— Pairing: Eren x Reader, friends to lovers

— General info: series, 18+, modern AU, serial killer AU, smut, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort

— Summary: Fate is a tricky thing. Certain situations can’t be avoided as much as certain people’s lives can’t be kept from intertwining. With a serial killer on the loose, and unexpected relationships blooming, how will the universe intervene?

— Chapter summary: The first 48 hours are crucial when a person goes missing. Eren can only pray it’s enough to reach you..

— Content warnings: emetophobia, mention of assault.

— Notes: Helloooo!!! Welcome to TV Friday number 12 <3 I thought about posting earlier but I thought best to keep up our little tradition ^^ Please read the notes at the end for extra notes about TV’s future. Don’t be shy to stop by my ask box <3 If anyone else would like to be added to the tag list, lmk. Happy reading!

Links: Read on AO3 | Chapter guide | Masterlist

Forty-eight hours

Hour One

A missed call shouldn't have been enough to raise an alarm, but his gut instantly told him something was wrong. And yet he tried his best to remain calm — stepped out onto the street and made his way to the bus stop where you should've been dropped off, glancing into convenience stores just in case, hopeful that the bus was just running a little late. But when the bus you would've taken showed up — allowing Eren some time to sigh in relief and shake his head at his own presumptions — and you were nowhere to be found among the few people to scatter onto the sidewalk, it only confirmed that previous gut feeling.

Hour Two

Inhale. Hold. Exhale. 

Inhale. Hold. Exhale.

Inhale. Hold. Exhale.

There's a stiffness to Eren's breathing that makes the process more painful than its intended effects — his lungs feel too big for his ribs, which seem to be pressing them against his heart, pushing his brain into hyperactivity to keep him from imploding.

Where does he even start? Where should he even go?

If there's a proper protocol to follow to find you, he's no idea of it and he's strangely aware that his anxiety might lead him in the wrong direction when there's so much he has to do — so many places he has to be — at once. It's infuriatingly difficult to not have a cool head when you really need it.  

He didn't think to bring his car — perhaps it's for the best, considering his vision continues to blur and it's not a sign of good condition to hear your own frantic heartbeat pounding in your ears. 

His eyes anxiously scan the faces of every person in his path. Paired with his dazed footing and the sick expression on his face revived every couple of minutes from the nausea stemming from some sort of sensed doom that he continuously swats away, there hasn't been a shortage of odd looks and aversions since he ventured into the dark streets in hopes to find you fine and well out of thin air.

It's been too long to dismiss as a casualty since his calls stopped going through, and yet he insists on redialing your number each time he's met with the automated message that only further fuels his dreadful symptoms, hopeful that your voice will reach his ears again, for that comforting sound to put an end to the infernal crescendo of his insides. 

Just as he's about to redial once more, his phone starts buzzing first, and for a split second his body is at peace and his heart soothed in the spare moment that it takes for him to accept the call and bring the phone to his ear. 

“Have you heard from her yet?” 

The voice on the other end causes his stomach to plummet to his feet for what feels like the tenth time tonight.

It takes a moment for his brain to assimilate that it's not you on the other end and another for him to hate himself for not checking who was calling and stupidly spit a response to an Armin who has no fault in anything, especially for not being you.

Armin, as understanding as ever and assuming the more collected role for Eren's sake, dismisses the frustrated tone in his friend's voice, fully aware it's nothing personal. 

“The security guard says she left a little over an hour ago and Mika called me a minute ago and said she hasn't been home. Are you sure she wasn't going to make any stops on the way?” 

“No, Armin, she would've told me. She would've come here first or she would've at least texted me.” Eren's voice cracks. “Something is wrong.” 

The weakness in Eren's voice is enough to fracture Armin's composure for a fraction of a second.

“Let's go to Levi.”

Hour Three

Being in the police station feels more reassuring than Eren would've imagined. At least this means he's doing something — and something right, at that — and the drive over spared him enough time to ease his nerves, even just a little, as he continued to repeat inwardly to himself that everything is going to be fine. 

Time is everything and frankly, he can't help but feel a bit dumb for not thinking about getting some help from Levi in the first place. He'll find out what's going on — if there was an accident, if you got mugged and that's why no calls go through, or even if your bus broke down and that's why he hasn't seen you when he should have by now. Even if it turns out to be a misunderstanding, better to cause a scene than to sit on his hands. Though three hours without any sign to say otherwise can't be a misunderstanding. 

Eren hunches over, resting his forehead on the edge of Levi's desk, not minding one bit as it digs a dent into his skin. His knee bounces every couple of minutes as he and Armin wait for Levi to get back to them. 

“Eren Jaeger?” 

He looks up to find a tall blond man instead of Levi. 

“Yes?” 

“I'm Captain Erwin Smith. Come this way please.” 

Eren stands to follow the man's lead, only sparing a nervous glance to Armin, who replies with a comforting one from his seat, only morphing into a more accurate depiction of his worry once Eren turns his back to him.

“Where's Levi?” 

Eren's eyes wander the barren space he's been led into. Nothing but a table and a pair of chairs set opposite of each other. 

“He'll be here in a moment. I just want to ask you some more questions about the missing person's report you're filing.” 

“Of course.”

Doing his best to hold in his exasperation at the ticking clock in his head, he dutifully replies to every question he's already answered for Levi when he first walked into the station — what made him come to the station, his relation to you, your description, what happened before he lost contact with you, amongst other basic things to paint a picture of the situation.

“Was there ever any trouble in your relationship?” Erwin asks.

Eren's brow furrows.

“What do you mean?” 

“I'm asking if there was any indication that your girlfriend,” he makes a vague motion with his hands as he reads your name from the folder in his hands, “might’ve been upset with the relationship. Did you ever argue or have any trouble? Perhaps something in the past few days? Or ever?” 

Eren hardens his jaw in an attempt to remain calm. He knew he'd have to spend a while at the station, answering questions more than once — as frustrating as the lengthy process could be, he expected that much. 

Erwin's tone has remained neutral for the entirety of the questioning, and it's only natural to want to rule out any immediate suspects, but it doesn't make the implication of the captain's words any less offensive and borderline cruel. 

“No,” Eren chokes out, horrified by the mere idea that either of you would walk away without warning. That isn't you. 

“So no reason for her to break off contact with you.”

“She didn't break off contact,” Eren spits, growing heavily frustrated at the sudden turn of events. “We were supposed to meet, she was on her way already. I saw her just this morning and she called me first to tell me she was coming home.”

“Maybe she only said that to throw you off?”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Just tell me what you might think,” Erwin replies, voice stern. “You say it's only been three hours since you last heard from her but she's a mentally stable, healthy adult. Unless she has any conditions that could put herself or others in danger, chances are she's safe and sound somewhere and this is all a misunderstanding. Was there anything suspicious or weird about her?”

Eren's shake of his head grows more and more frustrated as Erwin does little to conceal his skepticism, which only shapes as a misunderstanding from Eren's increasingly impatient point of view.

“What's suspicious and weird is that she never made it to our date at all and it's been three hours and I haven't gotten a single word from her.”

Eren's expression is one of pleading, yet Erwin's remains neutral and made of marble.

“And it's not like that,” Eren murmurs. “I was going to ask her to live with me tonight. She called me after she left work to tell me she was on her way.” Eren can feel his heartbeat start to pick up as his ribcage begins to close in on his lungs once more as more anxious words continue to spill from his mouth in increasing pace and volume. “She told me she had news and that she loves me. Why would she tell me that if anything was wrong? Why would she say that if she wasn't going to make it to our date?” The crack in his voice comes at the same time as the stinging sensation behind his eyes and the uncomfortable tickle in his nose. “I was making dinner for us. I had this whole thing planned. I wanted to surprise her with all her favorite food and the pictures from the new apartment. I wasn't going to tell her about the pink bathtub because I want it to be a surprise when we move in. She…” He curls against the table, hands gripping his hair in frustration, pulling at the strands to make sure he still feels something because there are just too many sensations overwhelming him as he tries to get through to the man in front of him. “She really wants a pink bathtub.” 

Eren doesn't lift his gaze, just remains quiet and unmoving until he catches a flicker of movement in front of him. It's only when he takes the tissue offered by Erwin that he becomes aware of the tears streaming down his face. 

Levi nearly had a heart attack when he first caught eye of Eren's and Armin's familiar faces walking into the police station. The frantic green eyes and anxious expressions made it clear something awful had happened and hot flashes of searing dread burned inside his stomach. That is until nobody pronounced his niece's name. After that, the flame of pain withered to ashes of guilt, consuming him from the inside in such a manner that it was hard to face his niece's friends knowing he'd felt relief it wasn't his family who'd been affected tonight. 

Levi's known Eren since he was a kid — a bit childish and whiny, but ultimately a decent man with a kind heart. It's been a pleasure watching him grow up and knowing he's remained a good friend to his niece. 

Levi's only met you once. It was at Jean and Mikasa's engagement party earlier this year. If Jean and Mikasa were the happiest couple there, you and Eren were a close second. It was easy to know just how much he adored you, and how attached you were to him. Eren was rarely in a dark place, but next to you his smile was blinding. 

After finding out Erwin conducted the interrogation to rule out a possible runaway case — and how he did it — he still hadn't ridden himself of enough guilt to apologize for making the situation more stressful, no matter what the rules say. 

It's no secret some sudden disappearances hold more danger than others. An abducted child, an older person with dementia, a mentally and emotionally unstable person who's looking to cause harm to others or themselves — they demand a higher sense of urgency than logging the missing person into the system and following up when there's nothing more pressing on the police's plate.

The desperation consuming Eren's features when Levi finally walks into the interrogation room is enough to kick off his own instincts. 

It's upon Levi's insistence that patrols are dispatched immediately. 

Hour Five

When a loved one's safety is on the line, any efforts from authorities never seem to be enough and yet one remains oddly hopeful that the people with a proper protocol should know how to better handle situations that leave one frantic and lost. 

Calls to the nearest hospitals, pings from cellphone towers, two patrols dispatched to the last known location and its surroundings, questions to potential witnesses who have nothing to report or are rather too invested to go back to whatever keeps their attention inside to provide some detailed tips, one patrol leaving because of a nearby break-in and the remaining one left with nothing more to go off of than one grainy clip of CCTV footage that shows your figure walking down the street, and a second clip from a convenience store's outside surveillance camera where you don't show up at all, but the lack of witnesses lead to nothing in between. 

Keeping up the search when there's been nothing gained starts proving to be more difficult when obstacles continue to pile on. Aside from the growing boredom of those in police cars from the lack of fresh information to keep them motivated, the heavy clouds that hover over everyone's head threatens for the case to soon be abandoned for the night. 

Hour Eight

Levi is hesitant to leave. But with no leads — no CCTV footage, no unknown numbers blinking on Eren's screen, no mother, an estranged father, no sign of a struggle at the last known location, and so much yet so little more — there isn't much he has to do than drive back with the pair of worried men to the station for more questioning in case of foul play, while constantly eyeing his notifications for any incoming messages on an assault victim found in an alley not too far away from where your phone was last still on.

Eren refuses to leave. Despite Levi's efforts to persuade him that going back to the station was necessary, knowing he was so close to where you'd last been was enough for Eren to stand his ground. Getting into Levi's car means going back miles worth of steps. It means straying from what feels so much like the right path already. And as ridiculous and futile as it is with no leads, it means losing his grip on something much more solid. 

How easy it would be if a last known location means he can find you just by looking behind a tree or having someone point and say “yes, she's right there”. 

So when Levi makes another plea for Eren to come back with him — he doesn't mention what for to not stir any more nerves — and Eren says no while steering himself down the block for what feels like his hundredth recon of the area — just in case you really were behind that tree in the small playground all along, playing a nasty prank on him — Levi chooses to go back to all the nearby twenty-four hour convenience stores one last time before the downpour begins. 

Armin gives Levi a grateful nod before lightly jogging to catch up with Eren, who's already turning onto the next street. 

“You can go,” Eren calls over his shoulder after catching a glimpse of his friend's blond hair beside him. “I'll keep looking by myself. Besides, it's gonna rain soon. You'll get wet.” 

“What about you?” Armin looks down at his friend's bare arms. “You don't even have a jacket.” 

Eren looks down at his sides, like he just noticed his lack of a coat. He could've sworn he had one on him when he walked out his apartment. You would've been upset with him otherwise, that small pout forming on your lips while your brows are weighed down with disappointment. 

The instant of amusement he feels is quickly consumed by the ache of why he's out on the street with no jacket to begin with. 

The food must be cold by now. He'll have to heat it all up once you're back home.

Light raindrops brush against his skin with a small gust of wind. 

You're still not behind the tree.

It's nearly half past two in the morning. Any civilians with useful information have been asleep for hours, and any passers-by would've reported anything had they seen it, Armin thinks. 

It's chilling to walk down streets so quiet and empty, with the only reminder that this isn't an alternate universe being the sparse cars that drive by. Surely the people inside might find it strange to see the pair walking up and down the streets, turning, looking, flashing their phones to make out shapes in the dark.

The tickle of rain on skin is no longer, but the temperature continues to drop. 

Armin takes on one side of the street while Eren tackles the other. He receives a polite nod from the security guard of a small daycare center, who fails to conceal his look of pity. Levi interviewed him around an hour ago, so he has to know what's going on. 

Armin averts his gaze, his cheeks burning at the thought of some stranger pitying him and his friend when everything is going to be just fine. 

The rain starts up again. Eren isn't around anymore. With one quick scan of the street, Armin spots him rounding the corner to the next street — pace firm but anxious. He's quick to follow. 

By the time Armin catches up, the raindrops have grown in size, a reliable sign that this time, it's for real. 

“Eren,” Armin calls him carefully.

Eren continues walking, flashing a light behind a dumpster in a narrow alley between a family restaurant and a bookstore. 

“Eren,” Armin calls him a bit more firmly to get his attention, but to no avail. 

With brows knit more in desperation than concern, Armin quickens his pace and pulls Eren by the shoulder just before he rounds the corner to the next street. 

“Eren!”

“What?” 

The anger and volume in Eren's voice shrinks Armin in his place for a brief moment. 

Embarrassed by his own reaction, Eren exhales an apology. But his face hardens once more when Armin suggests it's time to go home.

Armin steps back, surprised to have caught a swear word from his best friend among the words he spits back in a negative response. 

But when Eren turns, ready to resume his search, Armin pulls at him again.

“Eren, stop!” he half-yells, quickly readjusting his volume before speaking again to not cause any disturbances to sleeping strangers.

“You don't want to pick a fight with me Armin, I'm warning you,” Eren's voice grows low, but still reaches Armin with the same anger and menace.  

Eren harshly pulls away and continues to storm down the next street, leaving Armin to stumble behind. 

The rain is heavy enough now to spot the pavement faster than it takes for each drop to dry. 

“We need to go back, we aren't going to find her like this,” Armin calls after him. His hands do little to shield himself from the rain. Thankfully, Armin thought to bring a jacket along but it won't do much for either of them when it's bound to be sopping wet in just a few minutes. 

Eren's shirt is already clinging to his skin in large patches down his back, and yet he continues walking with purpose down the street. 

Armin's shivering now under his jacket as he looks around to gather his surroundings. This street isn't far from the office. It's poorly lit which, paired with the rain, is best explored in daylight. There's a single street lamp that's meant to illuminate the area at night, but it's been broken for months and either nobody has reported it, or laziness has kept it from being repaired. 

“Come on,” Armin insists, lightly jogging now and losing his breath under the cold shower as he tries to keep up with Eren, who still refuses to listen. “We'll come back in the morning! You need to get some rest if you're going to keep looking! I'll come with you, okay? But we need to go!”

Armin suddenly crashes into Eren's chest as the latter abruptly turns around in a sudden fit of pure rage. 

“I already told you I'm not fucking leaving!” 

Armin stumbles back, teeth chattering, muscles drooping from his wet clothes and vision blurred by the heavy rain. 

“You can leave if you want to! That's what the fucking police is doing! Just go already! But I'm staying because I care! I don't give a fuck about the rain, I'm going to find her!”

Eren's words pierce through Armin's chest, and the next moment he's tackling Eren to the ground. It's not so much to stop him from leaving this time, but out of indignation. 

Eren falls on his ass with a wet thud, his palms painfully pounding onto the pavement as Armin falls on top of him, grabbing a fistful of his shirt in his hands.

“You think I don't care? Why do you think I'm here, you idiot?” Armin yells in Eren's face. Had the pouring rain not been a factor, he would've been red in the face. But had the rain not been there, Eren also would've easily seen the tears streaming down Armin's face, and that would've taken away from his blue glare. 

“She's my best friend! I'm just as worried about her as you are! You can't decide you're the only one affected by this! That only makes you a jerk and you're not!” 

Eren is tense all over as he holds Armin's surprisingly threatening glare. His chest heaves as a twinge of guilt surges inside of him at his friend's pointed remarks. The stiff breathing makes its return.

“But we have to go,” Armin's voice softens — it cracks and begs. 

And Eren breaks down in sobs. His scraped palms come to his face, aggressively digging the heels against his eyes as if to force his tears back in while his shoulders tremble in cold, grief and guilt. 

“You don't understand!” he cries, his shirt still crumpled under Armin's grip. “I fucked up, Armin. This is all my fault!”

Unsure of how to react to this abrupt change in attitude, Armin remains frozen save for his teeth, which continue to chatter under the deafening rain.

“I was supposed to pick her up. I'm never late,” Eren hiccups. “But I didn't come today and now I don't know where she is! It was me, Armin! I did this! This is my fault!” 

“Eren,” Armin murmurs gently, eyebrows upturned in sympathy as he finally softens his hold on his friend. 

“I can't find her and I don't know if she's hurt or scared or if…,” Eren's words drown in another wave of sore sobs, his lips refusing to let the thought of the worst to escape as a spoken word — to think that someone might have caused you harm and that's what's kept you tonight. 

“I need her to be okay,” he whimpers finally, lips trembling as his body begins to react to the harsh cold surrounding him. “Where is she, Armin?”

It takes a while for Armin to gather his thoughts and catch up to the workings of Eren's mind from this hellish night. 

He often leaves the office with you, stays behind some evenings when he notices you're close to wrapping up your work and can ride the elevator together. Sometimes even accepts Eren's offer for a ride when he's too tired to deal with the overwhelming setting of public transportation — tired enough to not mind third-wheeling for a short while. If the last place your phone was turned on was before you even had a chance to take a bus, surely he could've done something to prevent this mess too. Why didn't he think to stay behind today, too?

“It's not your fault,” Armin finally says, his voice just barely audible amidst the rain and thunder. He blinks up from the ground to his friend. “And we don't know what happened. We'll try the hospitals again later, we'll keep calling her in the meantime. We have Levi helping us, right?”

Eren blinks back at him, slowly gathering that Armin is trying to encourage him through reassurances, and finally nods in response as he does his best to ignore the tight lump in his throat. 

“It's like three in the morning, Eren. I'm not asking you to stop. But we can't keep going like this.” He motions vaguely toward the incessant rain from above and the wet clothes sticking to their skin. 

Armin stands, relieving Eren from his weight as he pushes back his hair with one hand and offers the other to his friend whose reluctance casts a shadow over his usually bright features. 

Eren trains his gaze on the ground, leaving Armin's helping hand hanging for the while longer it takes for him to convince himself that Armin is right and this doesn't mean he's failing you. 

Finally, Eren accepts his friend's hand, who hoists him up just as they both spot Levi's car pulling into the street from the farthest corner. 

Armin motions for Eren to follow him toward the car, to which he responds with a weak nod. But just a couple of steps in, something crunches and gets caught under his shoe. Naturally, he looks down, forgetting the deluge falling over him at the moment to frown at the foreign object. 

Armin glances over his shoulder, sensing his absence, and turns around fully when he realizes Eren is kneeling on the ground, cautiously picking something from the ground that ultimately dangles from his fingers once it's fully suspended in the air. 

Armin retraces his steps, kneeling next to his friend to find his face pallid, and green eyes wide with fear as he stares at the broken chain between his fingers, from which hangs an angel cast in silver with a broken wing. 

His features contort in horrified realization. It's almost ridiculous to turn to Eren for confirmation of what he already knows and can already begin to imagine. But when he does, the latter is already hunched over in the opposite direction, emptying his stomach onto the wet pavement while the nearing lights from Levi's car come to blind him.

Hour Fifteen

Mikasa, Jean, and Sasha step into the elevator wordlessly, the only sounds on the way to Eren's floor being the inevitable rustles from the plastic bags with food in Mikasa's hands. 

Jean offered to take them, but Mikasa insisted she'd hold onto them. Maybe it's because of her cold hands, but it might also be because she needs something to help keep her grounded — literally; she feels as though she might float away otherwise. Because if anyone were to ask her, nothing has felt real since last night after Armin's call. 

The elevator’s hum ceases as it comes to a gentle stop and the doors slide open. 

The same somber silence continues to hover between the trio as they mechanically walk down the hall to Eren's door. Jean takes out his copy of the key from his jeans pocket and pushes the door wide open, gesturing for the girls to enter first before quietly closing the door behind them.

Spare keys aren't rare between them. It was chain reaction that stemmed from Eren's father's passing. Everyone wanted to make sure he was okay. The rest is history. 

“In case of emergency.”

“Can you please water my plants while I'm gone?” 

“Can you check something for me?”

“I'm really sick, just let yourself in.”

“Just keep it.”

Jean's copy has rarely been used. In fact, not many of them have made use of Eren's key once he started dating. Not that it's been a dramatic change, but now there's not much need to be wary of barging in on something they'll all laugh about later. And today, after Eren passed out on the street in the rain, it seems crucial to brush the dust off an old habit for their friend's sake.

The trio is careful not to make any excess noise — Eren might still be sleeping —, but the further they venture into the apartment, they realize their efforts are in vain. 

They expected Eren to be lying on the sofa where Jean and Armin had so carefully helped him settle down, still fast asleep considering it's only been a few hours since. Although Eren's sudden nausea was a mere reaction to finding the necklace, Armin still spent a couple more hours watching over him as a precaution while he cleaned up the kitchen and dining area, and quietly left for his apartment to make another round of calls before work. 

They're met with the view of their friend bustling around his work area in a corner of the living room, his brow furrowed and eyes laser focused as he refills the ink tanks on his printer. Stacks of missing person's posters cover his desk with a handful of faded ones having been scattered and crumpled on the floor as evidence of the ink shortage he's tending to. Your face occupies nearly the entirety of his immediate view, which is why a single glance is enough to distract him from his task that he doesn't notice his friends present in his apartment, nor when the ink begins to leak.

At the instinctive curse word that leaves him in a frustrated huff, Jean rushes over to help him. 

“I'll handle this,” he assures Eren, who only blinks in surprise as he realizes he's not alone. 

Mikasa and Sasha walk over to him unsure of whether a hug is appropriate as a greeting. In the end, they choose to speak the words instead. 

Sasha leaves the conversation in exchange for helping Jean clean up the spilled ink. An irregular blob-shaped stain is left behind on the ash gray wood. 

“Are you– How's your stomach?” Mikasa asks. 

An uneasy grimace makes its way onto Eren's face.

“It's fine. It was just… Yeah.” He shrugs it off, unsure of how to properly explain the incident without triggering more discomfort. 

Mikasa nods in understanding. 

“Armin said you're going back to the police station later.”

Eren huffs at a humorless puff of air from his nose. 

“Yeah. More questioning,” Eren replies, his head continuously shaking in disbelief, to which Mikasa frowns.

“What's wrong?” 

It takes Eren a couple of tries to let the words out, his mouth opening and closing with hesitancy. 

“They all left, Mika,” he softly murmurs, a hint of helplessness infecting his fragile voice, that births an ache in Mikasa's chest. “Nobody could say anything and they got bored. What kind of excuse is that?” 

Mikasa drops her gaze to her shoes, submitting before the hurt and impotence Eren's words awake in her. 

Then she shakes her head briefly, recalling a good thing. 

“Levi's on the case… and there's evidence for foul play now, there's a lead,” she says, trying her hardest to appear more hopeful at each thing on her list. “He'll find her, Eren. This'll just be nothing but a bad memory soon.” 

She smiles, but it comes out sad from the red that tints her waterline. 

Eren doesn't have the energy to try to appear cheerful from her encouragement, and limits himself to a nod. 

“Eren, how long have you been up?” Sasha asks with concern from his desk, where her eyes scan over his computer screen and the stacks of paper with your face printed front and center. 

“A few hours?” Eren replies with a shrug, to which everyone else exchanges concerned glances.

Jean breaks the silence with a loud clap, refusing to make way for any awkwardness in the air. 

“We brought you some food, buddy. Come on, let's eat.” 

Sasha eagerly nods, her enthusiasm a bit too stiff it almost seems rehearsed, as she encourages him to follow them to the dining table.

Eren allows himself to be tugged along for a couple of steps before he tethers himself to his spot for a moment and then decidedly takes a step back under everyone's puzzled expressions. 

“I'm not really hungry,” he murmurs, shaking his head.

“Are you sure?” Mikasa gently asks.

“We got your favorite soup,” Jean smiles, though Eren is too busy staring at a blank point to notice. “Minestrone.”

“Extra parmesan,” Sasha adds.

“It's fine.” Eren assures them with a forced smile. “You guys eat. I have a lot of things to do.” 

“Well, you can't do them on an empty stomach. Let's eat and then we'll go through your to-do list together,” Jean insists.

“Yeah,” Mikasa agrees, shooting a grateful smile to her fiancé. “Jean can drive you to the station after breakfast and Sasha and I can handle the rest.”

Every offer is sensible and comforting, but Eren still refuses. He can't eat, not when you still haven't come home. 

“No…” his voice trembles ever so slightly as his eyes wander around the room, as if looking for an excuse. He ultimately makes his way back to his desk, where the stacks of posters await him. “I'll just head out now. I'm gonna hand some of these out before going to the station.”

The rejected trio exchange another round of anxious, meaningful looks. Mikasa's the first to break away from the group to join Eren in gathering a stack of flyers and a roll of tape from the black metal organizer on his desk.

As her hands roam around the surface of the ash gray wood, the jewel on her finger catches the sunlight peeking through the curtains. 

Eren's movements grow slow as his focus is stolen by the silver engagement ring. 

Mikasa notices the pause in his movements from the corner of her eye, and looks up at him to assess his status. Eren tears his gaze from her ring — embarrassed —, but not fast enough for it to go unnoticed, nor does he remember to ease his hardened jaw afterwards. He moves in silence and sets a fast pace toward the door, leaving an anguished Mikasa to trail at his heel. 

Hour Twenty

It takes a handful of hours for Eren to get back home from the station, with a significant reduction to the baggage he left with. The stream of questions would've been fairly simple had he not been charged with so many uneasy feelings as to why he was doing all of it in the first place. It certainly didn't help that he had to face the same people who had simply left this morning. But he has to do things right — even if it means swallowing his anger to contribute with any useful information.

Social media presence, daily routines, bus routes, habits, friends, family situation.

Saying you know someone like the back of your hand is an odd saying, he thinks. He's not that vain to spend lengthy periods of time observing himself. In his case, it suffices to say he simply knows you — all he's done is look at you. 

He knows your hands quite well. The shape of your fingers, the curves of your knuckles and the warmth of your palms when they latch onto his heartbeat and manipulate it to your will. And now what's been left since last night is a painful cavity. It's all wrong. Your hand should be here, filling his void. 

The apartment is empty, Jean and Sasha long gone. The plastic bags have been folded into neat triangles and the counter has been cleared. Upon opening the fridge, Eren finds stacks of containers that have been added to those Armin helped put away the previous night from the uncelebrated dinner. 

He stares at his packed fridge for a long time, any energy to step away vanishing into thin air and leaving him stuck in place, looking straight ahead until he no longer recognizes the shape of anything inside, and he grows numb at the cold air that slowly envelops him. 

A ring from his pocket is what finally pulls him out of his daze and he's quick to whip the device out and accept the incoming call with pure urgency and no thought. 

“I'm only assuming you've been too excited to call me to tell me how it went last night,” Carla's playfully accusing tone comes through the speaker. 

“Mom,” Eren pronounces in a voice so soft, yet empty as he only acknowledges it's her, but any word that bounces off his tongue is devoid of meaning until he can speak the name he wants to.

“So,” Carla's enthusiastic grin is evident through the phone. “Was she thrilled? What did she say?”

Eren's voice fails him. 

In all the anxiety and chaos, with all the things he's had to do within the last twenty hours, he completely forgot to tell his mother what had happened and that moment is catching up to him now. 

His lips roll inwards, a habit reserved for when he's feeling shy because of things you say or do, and now has come back because of his lack of words — or rather the will to expel them.

His hand comes up to his hair, his fingers brushing his hair back as he struggles to find his voice. 

It's only when Eren takes a second too long to reply that a shift in mood can be sensed from Carla's end of the line.

“Eren,” she calls him carefully, which only makes the lump in his throat grow. “Honey, what's wrong?”

“Mom,” is all Eren can muster, voice cracking as he pushes the word out.

“Did you have a fight? Is everything okay?” Carla's concern amplifies through the speaker, as something rustles in the background, a sign that she's taken on a more alert position.

“You didn't break up, did you?” 

Out of all the things that could've gone wrong last night, Eren wishes that had been it. At least he wouldn't be as helpless. At least he'd know where you are. At least it's something he could reverse.

“No.” 

The word comes out choked, his throat instantly sore for the second time. 

His monosyllabic replies must be getting to her, because Carla takes a deep breath before trying again. 

“Eren, honey. You have to speak clearly, okay?” Carla's voice grows gentle, as it always has whenever Eren would have trouble speaking his mind. Granted, that's been lost as he got older, but Carla's sweet attention hasn't. “What happened?”

Her patient voice finally manages to coax the lodged words from Eren's throat. 

“I don't know where she is. She's missing.” 

Hour Twenty-four 

Rain is bad for detective work. Eren heard about it in a documentary or a podcast, or maybe he read it somewhere — he can't remember. But it supposedly washes away any evidence, making easy cases tricky and difficult cases nearly impossible. Considering the silver angel necklace was found in the midst of the sky falling, it comes as no surprise when he comes home from a casual meet up with Levi at a nearby coffee shop with the news that no DNA or signs of a struggle were found on site after a thorough search in the light of day. The other half of the broken angel wing was found stuck on the edge of a sewer grate, though. Eren would feel any comfort at all if it meant it would lead to something. But at least the necklace can be fixed for when he finds you and this is all over.

The necklace is pretty much a dead end, but it'll remain under the police's hold just in case. 

Eren has never gone so long without seeing your face. Now that the clock has found its way back to the hour you were supposed to walk through his door, it's unbearable to know that you won't. And still he looks over in its direction every few minutes, expecting you to burst in and throw yourself into his embrace, marking the end to a day-long fever dream. 

That's probably it. A dream. No, a nightmare. It's nothing but a wicked play of his subconscious — to teach him a lesson on appreciating you more. Maybe to scare him into doing a better job of protecting you. Maybe he's gotten too lax, too careless. After all, the city hasn't been terrorized by any violent crimes in the last few months. But that's no excuse to dismiss the possibility of danger. Right… There was a killer last year. Two murders. No suspects. No arrests. And there was a burglary just last night. So what if…

No.

Eren pulls at his hair, agitated by where his mind is leading him. He pulls hard on the strands, like they're the reins of his thoughts that he needs to redirect onto a less horrifying path. 

His phone dings as if on cue with a text message.

I'll be there soon, honey. Get some rest, I'll call you tomorrow. I love you.

A tap on the attached file opens up a copy of a plane ticket for the day after tomorrow under the name Carla Jaeger.

His heart feels a tad lighter. 

It'll help to have his mother around for a few days. He types his gratitude into his phone and presses send. 

He lets his face fall into his hands as he hunches over his desk.

Everything will be okay, he repeats to himself in his head like a mantra. 

Inhale. Hold. Exhale.

Inhale. Hold. Exhale. 

Inhale. Hold. Exhale.

Everything will be okay.

Outside, rain starts to fall. 

Hour Thirty

The rain has been on and off for hours. 

By the time Eren reconnected with his surroundings, ready to go out and look for clues on his own around the area, the rain was nearly as heavy as it was at three in the morning. 

He sits by the living room window, watching the downpour. His phone is charging on a wooden stool next to him, taking a break from another round of calls to nearby hospitals to ask for any patients bearing your name. Still no. 

His stomach has been growling for a while, but any energy he possesses isn't the kind that'll get him off his chair and into the kitchen — it's the kind that's meant to be used to stare out the window and grow numb over any trivial needs.

It's fine, he thinks. It'll pass. 

Hour Thirty-seven

All five of his friends come through the door a little past seven in the morning, with bags of fresh meals to share. 

Eren sits down this time, allowing Mikasa to fix him a plate and Connie to pour him a glass of juice. 

Nobody mentions the dark circles under his eyes, and Eren's gaze is too lost on a blank point to sense the meaningful glances exchanged all around him. 

There's not much room for conversation. Any sense of normalcy is lost in the thick air. It seems equally wrong to create a lighthearted break for the length of a meal as it is to talk about the empty seat across from Eren when everyone is trying so hard to make sure he's at the very least feeding himself. 

Eren merely pokes and stirs at his food with his fork the entire time. There's a fresh stack of flyers on his desk that demand more urgency in his eyes than sitting down to eat. 

His demeanor is easy to read by everyone at the table, yet another round of concerned glances and subtle nods in his direction being tossed around with silent messages. 

In the end, nobody says a thing and the groups is broken off in pairs to tackle the surrounding neighborhoods.

Hour Forty-five 

Nobody has called. Not him or the station. As the only person outside of the police to be contacted for any updates, his phone should've rung at least once. But aside from yesterday's encounter with Levi and his visits to the station to see if his presence alone will bring something up, there's been a drought in leads. And despite his determination in making sure every person he passes knows anything, there's still nothing. 

It's been hours since his stomach has demanded his attention. It's finally reached the point where it's so empty, it's gone numb. His body is running on nothing more than sheer will and water. 

He should at least try to eat, test if he can hold any food down. 

The fridge remains packed with food, even more now thanks to what's been gathered from his morning visits. 

Ever so slowly, with overly cautious movements, he takes out a container, transports it to the counter and peels off the lid. It's from the dinner you were supposed to share two nights ago. 

His lips tremble, eyebrows upturning for the split second it takes him to grasp back at his composure. An outsider would think he's glaring at his leftovers, disgusted at whatever is inside, completely misunderstanding the mental ordeal he's traversing as he takes several deep breaths.

He pulls out a stool from the breakfast bar, sits down and stares.

Hour Forty-eight 

It's been two whole days since Eren has stepped foot in his own bedroom. 

His feet drag him toward the bed without stopping to flip the light switch. Though the night is cloudy, signaling another shower for tonight, the moonlight still finds its way into the room just enough for his eyes to take in the most basic shapes of his furniture.

He comes to a stop at the foot of the bed, and his gaze zeroes in on the neatly folded white cotton fabric set on the corner. It's the shirt you slept in two nights ago, the one that's the wrong size because it's his and he likes his clothes to be just a bit baggy. 

It's the shirt he gently tugged off your body to feel your skin pressed against his. The one that you take care in folding even if you're in a rush and even though he'll throw it in the wash anyway.

His fingers slowly reach out to collect the fabric.

Inhale. Hold. Exhale.

Inhale. Hold. Exhale. 

Inhale. Hold. Exhale.

It still smells like you. Just barely — a mere scrap of notes that have faded over the last two days. A mix of vanilla, citrus and a faint trace of eucalyptus fabric softener. 

Inhale. Hold. Exhale.

Inhale. Hold. Exhale. 

Inhale. Hold. Exhale.

Breathe, Eren.

It doesn't work. The air is too thick. It gets caught in his throat and forces a choked sob on its way back out. 

His face contorts in anguish as he falls onto the bed, curled up in an attempt to make himself as small as humanly possible, with your shirt clutched in his hands as the world outside darkens and he simply weeps.

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Notes: Tunnel Vision will continue, just not with the same schedule it had before my hiatus. I’ll be adding word count and progress updates in the chapter guide in case you want to keep up with the story in that way (It’ll also give you an estimate of when the next chapter will be posted. I have ideas for some ficlets, which I’ll do my best to post in between TV updates just so I don’t leave you all hanging with Eren content. It’ll depend a lot on whether I see any enthusiasm for it or not though (aka comments and reblogs that aren’t… well… empty). In the meantime, thank you for the support and feel free to slip into my ask box to chat :)

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[reality-exodus]

Detective's rescue

Pairing: Eddie Diaz x Reader

Summary: Eddie's relationship, the reader is a detective, they both on 24hour shift. Reader responds a 9-1-1 call and ends up needing first aids

Warning: blood, angst, OD symptoms described, mention of drugs

Being a detective on patrol wasn't the best thing ever to be frank, but it was something when you knew your boyfriend would accompany you all night long with his own 24 hour shift, it was rare thing for our double shifts to be on the same time, but when it happened I both liked it and didn't like it, we were both out. I usually work on cases in the office and do my research and help the firefighters with cases and they help me occasionally.

"So where are you strolling now?" Eddie asked, I was driving while I had a Bluetooth headphone.

"In the area of the homicide, the father killed his daughter while the mother was away… there is still no handy information for a warrant so I am looking for something I've missed" I explained briefly as I was driving past the house.

"Baby…" Eddie started to say, I knew how he felt when I was getting so passionate about a case. He disliked it, I overworked myself and forgot many things such as sleeping, eating or going to my shift.

"How about you? Didn't hear anything from dispatch, quiet night?" I wondered, cutting him off elegantly, setting my line of defense. I wasn't like Athena, I do not leave my job behind once my shift is over, I admire her for that though. I actually have to spend more of my personal time researching and studying. I have to go undercover to gather information, but I am not complaining. Sometimes though I need my people to understand me.

"Yea we are just hanging around." He replied with a heavy sigh he didn't respond to the q-word, I knew he wouldn't be bothered. I knew the response was unwilling. He knew my drill "Buck fell asleep at the Gym, Bobby and Hen are playing chess and Chimney is cooking" he analysed their situation and I smiled.

"Tell him to make an extra plate for me, I'll be dropping by" I spoke hoping that would make up for my big-headed behaviour.

"Oh You i decided to have a proper meal other than burgers and donuts" he joked with small giggle.

"Happens sometimes" I chuckled when I heard the wireless "babe hang on"

"This is 221-L99 available tell me the issue dispatch" I asked, I could tell it was May.

"Alright, there's drug dealing on the "overroof" club, there's a rave going on, some ODs based on caller's information, 118 of LAFD shall be there to take care of those." She informed me as I heard the bell on Eddie's side.

"I'll be in touch Dispatch" I spoke as I was connected to the team I would cooperate.

"Diaz no phones on patrol" I spoke as I was driving and couldn't finish the call. "221-L99 moving on scene. I am nearby I see three overdosed in their twenties one male two female they are simply left on the ground I am engaging the victims now." I spoke and got out of the car.

"Copy detective" Captain Nash affirmed me.

I approached the victims and checked the pulses. "All alive you need to come in quick…" I couldn't leave the uncouncisous civilians alone.

"Already ahead of you detective you are clear to proceed" my boyfriend replied sweetly, or at least that's what I thought.

"Dispatch moving in the club incognito, there's no bouncer or doorman" I informed them and opened the door. This wasn't a good sign, the dance floor was empty and so was the kitchen, I would have to go down stairs. "Ground floor empty moving to basement staircase" I announced and moved i could hear voices. "Dispatch sent some back up, I hear people" I spoke and dispatch obeyed my request.

I was right behind the stairs and I heard enough keywords that included heroin, drugs, and that the police can't find. That was my queue. "LAPD hands in the air" I yelled, Eddie always said that my voice in that phrase was so cold, smooth and dictated he found it sexy. "Don't move" I ordered. My voice was strong. They were three but I had a gun.

"Nope ass" one said and charged to get my phone I kicked him to the ground he slid to the floor with no Injury but before i could get in control of the other two, they had two bags of drugs five kilos each if I calculated correct the moment one of them came and punched in my face causing the white dust to be spread all around me in the air I stumbled backwards fell hitting my head on staircase, I took a deep breath trying to orientate, my vision got blurry.

"Detective Y/L/N, report" I heard dispatch between the ringing of my ears but the only response I could find was groan, I felt my heart going erratically with the beats. I was shaking.

"Detective" It was Captain Nash this time, his voice tense. But there was a pause. "Dispatch three offenders running away with two white bags one leaking" he reported and that's when my sudden dysphoria was making sense.

"Help" I managed to pronounce "OD" as I started to shake. I couldn't make out what I was hearing or what was going on, suddenly I saw Eddie in a mask with Chimney. They moved me outside my eyes were wide open but I couldn't react I was shaking, my body started twitching, I was held down, I could recognize Eddie's arms pressing me down, and smaller but still powered hands in my legs, chimney my guess. I coughed I could feel the salty, warm liquid laking inside my mouth, I coughed again.

"Baby… I am here" Eddie's voice was fading as black spots invaded my vision as I started having trouble breathing.

"I get no pulse" Chimney announced, "Hen start compressions" he instructed as he pushed on the oxygen in my face

"Oh no no honey, please-" before Eddie could finish his sentence I heard Buck taking him away as another person took his position next to me.

"Captain bring the AED" Hen requested she kept the pounds on my chest.

"Still unresponsive" Chimney said, causing Eddie to make a movement closer to me, Captain and Buck held him back

"I'm unbuckling the shirt, we are shocking" Hen spoke I heard footsteps

"Eddie please leave" Captain requested with a heavy sigh, I am sure he thought of the time Athena was in my position.

"Just let me be by Y/N Captain" Eddie requested , next thing I feel his warm loving hands on my face removing my hair stroking my cheek his fingers on my neck in desperate hope he would get the slight pulsation in my veins.

"Eddie hands" Hen spoke and he removed them as I felt electricity, I couldn't define what kind of pain it was or if it was, more like a sting to my whole body that would either wake me up or be the last thing I feel…

"Give me more Chim" Hen encouraged him the third clear was heard, the screen kept beeping. There was silence other than that.

"No no no baby no" Eddie panicked he started compressions but Buck pulled him off of my body. He yelled at him Buck yelled back I wasn't sure, my ears started ringing, was I dying…? The first ponder that dominated my mind, made my stomach twitch. I coughed vomit out…

I was alive

"Hey girl, hey easy now" Hens' voice sounded and turned me to the side to let it all out. Chimney secure my position so it wouldn't cause any damage.

Eddie raced next to me, he leaned in and kissed my forehead "oh god love, you scared me so much." I smiled as I turned on my back looking at him upside down as he leaned above my head.

"I'm sorry" I smiled and reached his face, I was shaking rapidly, he simply took my hand and kissed the palm before bringing it to his cheek, his cheek so hot against my freezing skin.

"Hey no no, it's not your fault, we must get you to the hospital now alright?" He smiled down at me and my smile faded at the hearing of the location I had to be.

"I won't be admitted in, I'll sign out" I announced, the sweet moment long gone as I made a move to get of the stretcher.

"Wow,now detective, you have to be cleared out in order to return to your cases, we are transferring you to the ER. I have to do it by the book, you know the drill" Captain Nash intervened immediately, and I could see the relief on my fiancee's face.

"Ah now we are by the book, that's nice to hear" I barked, I knew I was wrong, but hospitals, hospitals gave me anxiety, Eddie would have to go to Christopher eventually and I don't like being alone in those white cold rooms. "Guys please" I pleaded

"you are facing an extended pcp od, and a small hit on the back of your head, your blood pressure is perilly high and you have extremely unstable arrhythmias" Hen essayed the reasons I should listen to them as my eyes turned teary I was panicking.

"Hey hey sweetie" Eddie sighed "I'll be with you the whole time" he promised and kissed my cheek gently as they all stood up carrying me to the ambulance. He stepped in sat next to me while Hen joined, just in case. He was holding my hand, just looking at me, his ember eyes, he was worried even if he wouldn't admit.

"What about Christopher?" I asked concerned.

"Buck is already on his way, but how are you feeling Y/N?" He asked me softly stroking my head.

"I have dysphoria" I explained and soon Hen gave me a mask my eyelids turned heavy as I slipped from counsiousness.

I don't know what time it was, or how long I've been out. I blinked my vision clear, the lighting was dim in the room Eddie fell asleep on the chair next to me, I couldn't help but smile. He did stay. I stood up holding on my IV, feeling lightheaded, I moved to the bathroom, I looked terrible red eyes pale skin, weakness though was the worse.

"Y/N;" I heard his voice call my name in alert.

"What is it?" I asked making abrupt movement to get to the door I leaned there feeling another hit of vertigo getting the best of me.

"I thought you left, hey let me help you baby" he sighed in relief and approached, he was still on patrol clothes. He scooped a hand over my waist and held my weight as he walked me to the bed, softly placing me to lay down.

"Can I kiss you now? Or I am still high?" I asked him placing my hands around his neck, the IV tube got tangled between us, he smiled getting it out of the way. He leaned in and kissed my nose. His lips formed a smile.

"You have been good tonight, not running away, so it is well deserved" he smiled and located his lips on mine, the sweet kiss forming, he was gentle and cautious as he was touching me.

"Mhm mostly because I have been unconscious all night long and I get dizzy after three steps, that played it's part too" I spoke and kissed his cheek softly

"Let a man be happy" he spoke faking frustration before he kissed me again. And again.

[show-your-fangs]

as for blurb requests i was thinking about the kinda opposite of moments, instead of hotch hating reader and then catching feelings, having them being close friends and him realizing that he’s too far gone before he can prevent it- idek what i’m requesting to be honest, i just love to see my man all flustered over his feelings

oh shut up i love this too much

Moments AU: Aaron falls head over heels from the second that he meets you.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x f!Reader

Words: 810

CW: nothing, just pining and fluff.

Disclaimer: YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO REPOST MY WRITING ANYWHERE ELSE WITHOUT MY CONSENT. REBLOGS ARE ENCOURAGED THOUGH. YOU MAY NOT FEED MY WORK TO ANY AI DATABASES OF ANY KIND OR TO USE MY WORKS TO TRAIN AI. FUCK AI.

This could not be happening. 

It needed to stop, he needed to stop. It was getting to the point where every time you so much as looked at him his heart began aggressively pounding against his ribcage. 

The first time that it happened he’d been understandably confused, he’d even thought he was having a heart attack. But the lack of every other symptom quickly reassured him that he wasn’t. 

But in all honesty, he’d take the heart attack over dealing with his feelings for you. 

He should’ve seen it coming, should’ve been able to profile himself and come to the realization much sooner. But he’d always been blindsided when it came to his own emotions. It wasn’t that he didn’t know they were there but rather that he’d allowed himself to believe that they were just professional, platonic, normal. 

He felt this way towards the rest of his team, the rest of his family. The love that he felt for them was so overwhelming, allconsuming, that when he started to feel that way towards you after a few months of you working at the BAU, he dismissed them as nothing more than his body finally trusting you, welcoming you into the family. 

But that night something changed. 

They had just made it back to the office after wrapping up a case, the jetlag and general fatigue settling over everyone as they shuffled towards their desks to get started on their paperwork. Morale had been at an all time low, the unfortunate outcome of the case weighing heavy on everyone’s shoulders. 

He’d been on the phone with Jack, saying goodnight to him so his mind was elsewhere. It wasn’t until he dropped off his bags in his office and heard his name being called that he finally took in the sight before him.

You were peeking out of the conference room, a bright and disarming smile on your lips, his name, his first name, like honey on your tongue. He’d insisted you call him Aaron a week earlier and they’d been whisked away to a case before he could hear you say it.

“Would you like some dinner?” you asked him, gentle and caring and too kind to him. 

He was rendered speechless by such a normal question, his cheeks heating up more and more every second that went by where he didn’t respond. Instead, he focused on his son’s voice over the phone, the boy helping him out of the embarrassing hole he found himself in as he just pointed at the phone and you nodded in understanding. 

You were about to turn around when he stopped you, calling out your name and motioning you towards him. You obeyed almost instantly and he could almost convince himself that you were taking advantage of the excuse to be near him as much as he was taking advantage of his rambling son to get you into his space.

“Jack wants to say hello,” he told you when you entered his office and if it was even possible, your smile only got brighter. 

He held his phone out to you, his chest tightening, his lungs begging for air, all of his energy going to keep his hand from shaking. Your delicate fingers wrapped themselves over his own, almost lingering for a second too long before he let you take the phone to talk to the boy.

You sat yourself down on his desk chair, as if the office was yours, as if the two of you had this relationship of trust and familiarity. He couldn’t help but watch you intently as you spoke with his son, your voice chipper and excited, eager to engage in conversation with the hyperactive six year old. 

At some point your eyes met his, catching him almost red handed in his admiration. His heart stopped beating, he could hear a faint ringing in his ears, the scorching hot guilt and embarrassment bubbling up to the surface. And then you winked at him, quick, playful, as if the two of you were sharing a secret that no one else had the privilege of knowing. 

He was certain you could see the blush that adorned his cheeks, was certain that you could hear his heart hearing out of his chest, was certain that you knew exactly why he was acting this way. He knew, because he could see it all on you too.  

Unbeknownst to either of you, you weren’t being at all subtle with your secret crushes as it seemed that the only people who didn’t know about your feelings for each other were yourselves. 

“I bet you twenty dollars he asks her out by the end of the week,” Derek whispered to Rossi before taking a bite out of the chow mein you’d ordered for them.

Rossi scoffed, offended. “I bet you fifty he asks her out tonight.”

BRB SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP thank you so much for requesting this

[ddarker-dreams]

Hello🌹I hope you write this time for the phantom troupe + and the beautiful lady hwr

https://ddarker-dreams.tumblr.com/post/720956454749749248/do-you-have-any-hcs-of-what-the-yan-genshin-boys

I really enjoyed reading the post❤️

wahh thank you thank you 💖 i'll go ahead and write the phantom troupe's version in the same format, on a spectrum from best to worst.

best

pakunoda's fondness for you is plainly evident when your period rolls around. while she can be stern when the situation calls for it, she strikes a 'healthy' balance between earning your fear and adoration. she has a no-nonsense policy but her expectations aren't the worst, you get the sense she means it when she says she'd prefer to be sweet on you. as such, you both have this mutual understanding that lets you go out and about more than most darlings. you're thoroughly pampered through the worst of your period. she takes you to brunch, a private room for mani-pedis, to your favorite café, then back home where you both eat takeout in silk robes.

machi would wait until you take the initiative to ask for certain things (besides the obvious) so as not to overwhelm you. there's that, and she gets flustered at the thought of doting on you so obviously. will give a nod when you request certain snacks or whatever but gives no signifier she'll actually follow through. you just open the cupboard and see everything you asked for there. the few things you do around the house to retain a semblance of normalcy are taken over by her so you can take it easy. considering her cold demeanor, you might think she'd expect to you tough it out, but that isn't the case. she thinks the difference in your pain tolerance is kinda cute and won't belittle you for taking medication.

poor phinks goes from treating you like a porcelain doll to acting like you'll literally flatline if exposed to the mildest stressors, his overprotectiveness ramps up exponentially. he absolutely abhors seeing you in pain and feels so useless if your cramps have knocked you down for the count. this would be your most opportune time to attempt some manipulation if you feel up to it. exaggerating the symptoms, getting him to go on more errands than he has to.... he comes terribly close to snapping a pharmacist's neck for insisting the medication you asked for doesn't exist. you can be a little mischievous as a treat. however, he will catch on eventually if you push your luck too much. proceed wisely.

HWR reader/anastasia is one of those types who knows your period is coming up before you do. she doesn't trust those apps and calculates it herself for better accuracy. she's an absolute stickler for your health, reminding you how much water you need to drink before the day ends, 'gently' insisting when you should go to bed/wake up, and ensuring your nutritious needs are met. the woman's crazy. if you wryly comment she should become a doctor, the joke will go over her head, and she'll say that if that's what you want, she can certainly get her M.D. will actually do so if you don't tell her you were kidding. there are medical textbooks on the countertop the next day. the good news is that you're physically the healthiest you've ever been... mentally, though, is anyone's guess.

chrollo isn't awful in the material sense — you have everything you need and he won't make you beg for it or anything. (he has considered the idea, only to decide against it). it's more so that he keeps testing you. or maybe he's operating at his usual annoying levels, but with your hormones jumping ship, your patience is at suboptimal levels. witnessing him enter the room is almost enough for you to see red. if he senses the growing irritation on your part, he makes no mention of it. chrollo thinks you're absolutely precious, sitting over there in your comfy pajamas and stabbing the tasty meal he got you with a fork, wanting to complain but having no material to do so with. there's a chance he'll pinch your cheeks when your knife's out of reach.

feitan is, unsurprisingly, weird. he doesn't track your period but somehow always knows the second it starts. he's... a bit more delicate with you, in his own way. he'll try not to keep you up with the shrieks of victims since you need proper sleep, and stocks the fridge with some fresh produce instead of just premade meals. if anything gets on your sheets, he'll tell you he's good at cleaning bloodstains. in his mind, he's making a joke to lighten the mood, but from your perspective, it's rather unnerving. as knowledgeable as he is about the human body, he never attended a health class, so his knowledge of menstruation is mostly secondhand. he follows you around more than usual because he thinks the blood loss might make you pass out, since that's how it normally works. please don't correct him on this because he hates feeling embarrassed.

shalnark somehow becomes infinitely worse in this time when you're not at your best. which says a lot, because he's already grating to begin with. you didn't realize there was another layer you hadn't been exposed to yet. he's this pathogen that continues mutating whenever you think you've built up a resistance. he'll loudly complain that you're being ungrateful if you wordlessly grab the hygiene products from him, instead of acting like he braved hades as orpheus did to rescue eurydice. his position remains unmoved even if you dryly remind him he literally only walked three minutes to a convenience store. he's a bit disappointed you aren't more cuddly and needy, but makes up for it by entertaining himself with your volatile reactions.

worst

[kittydragondraws]

This Fandom is Weirdly Misogynistic and Ableist

Yeah great title there bud.

So originally this was going to be a half-baked rant about how people disrespect V, but the more I brainstormed that I came to realize. This fandom in general has a problem with misogyny and even ableism towards not just V, but Uzi as well. Heck, I would almost say Uzi moreso.

When it comes to personality butchering, I'd say V gets it worse. The number of times I've seen people make her sound like some petty, vengeful ex makes me want to rip my laptop screen off its hinges.

And most of the reason they do this, episode 4.

When Uzi and V are together in the cabin, V tells Uzi that it's better to stay distant because she'll have to kill Uzi next. Afterwards saying that N's made friends with rocks before, and that he'd move on from her death just fine.

Now, I honestly love this scene. It's a moment where Uzi and V get to be together and V gets to show her true colors without having to hide them from N. She expresses her desire to kill Uzi, because she believes it'll keep N safe, and tells her about the rock friends to make her feel like she's just some cheap novelty to N. This scene is great.

Yet apparently, some people looked at this scene and saw it as V being jealous of Uzi's relationship with N and wanting to kill her over it.

Now I just have to ask... why. This scene is so easy to understand when you just sit and think about it, so why did so many people default to it being a ship thing?

Maybe because she's just a pantless whore who exists just for people to thirst over. At least, that's what Reddit bros and Discord trolls would have you believe.

Now, I do feel it's a bit stupid to look at an unpopular female character and say "well you'd like her if they were a guy", but with V I have a feeling that's exactly the case.

V's not fan service, she's not a hoe or some crazy ex. She's just trying to keep herself from losing one of the few sane constants in her crazy, messed-up life.

But of course, she can't be an intelligent or deep character, she's just a petty woman upset at Uzi for stealing her man and who needs to put on some pants.

Now Uzi, I'd have to say her treatment is worse. Not just because it's the same sexist bullshit V has to put up with, but because she's neurodivergent.

Okay, that was a lie, she's not canonically neurodivergent. But she does have a lot of traits of a neurodivergent person. Being a social outcast, thought of as weird because of her interests and behavior.

Most people who headcanon Uzi as neurodivergent seem to agree that she could have autism, ADHD, or BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), and I just wanna talk a bit more about her unofficial BPD diagnosis because I think that's the most fascinating out of the three.

In this image I highlighted some symptoms that feel very similar to personality traits Uzi has. Like, it's so similar it almost feels weird to say Uzi having BPD isn't canon.

Now I know what you're going to say, "But Kitty this is just people's headcanons."

And you know what? Fair honestly. But even if Uzi doesn't have autism, ADHD, or BPD, she almost definitely has some form of trauma and you'd be hard-pressed to try to argue with me she's neurotypical.

Uzi's not a pick me, she's a traumatized, possibly neurodivergent, girl trying to hold onto the first friend she's ever made.

Or hey? Maybe she should just suck it up and learn to take care of herself.

Honestly, this post is just a TLDR version of this.

[valley-of-headcanons]

can you do hcs for haley + chronically ill (pots) fem farmer :’)

haley with a chronically ill! farmer || headcanons

haley's turned into quite the caring girlfriend <3

warnings: description of pots symptoms (fainting/lightheadedness, brain fog, fatigue, and bad "spells") she's your caregiver :)

requested by: anon! hi, thank you so much for the request! i love writing for haley, it's pretty fun 🙏 however, i do not have pots! i have suspicions and i have some symptoms but i have nothing medically diagnosed, and i am not an expert. if i did something wrong, please educate me! :) anyway, hope you enjoy!

• Haley has developed into a very understanding person, so when you reveal that you have a disability, she tries her hardest to understand it as much as she can. She lets you explain everything, and if you ask her to do research, she'll try her hardest. She loves you, and she doesn't mind that you're a little different. It makes you more unique and interesting.

• She tries her hardest to keep an eye on you, because of your lightheaded spells. She doesn't want you to hurt yourself, regardless of if you actually faint or not. While you're working, she sits on the porch and watches over the farm. She'll always make sure she's listening, just in case you call for her. She'll usually just be painting her nails or reading a magazine. She needs the sunlight, duh.

• “Please be safe, dear! I don't want to have to drag you back into the house! ... if you get to feeling bad, come back in! If you overwork yourself, you will not hear the end of it! ... I love you!” she'd call out from the porch, giving you a (not so) friendly reminder.

• When dealing with your brain fog, she doesn't mind! She gets a little frustrated of course, as many people would, but she wouldn't take it out on you. She just doesn't know how to get you to remember. Haley does develop a habit of leaving little notes around the house for you on bright pink sticky notes. It's just a bunch of little reminders with hearts all over them. It puts a smile on your face, knowing she cares so much!

• “Hey, did you remember to pick up some sugar from the store? ... eh, it's okay, I forgot to leave a note this time around. Don't worry about it, I won't chew you out. I have changed my ways! ... hey, that's mean! Maybe I will chew you out! ... just kidding,” she'd say with a giggle, not meaning it whatsoever.

• She understands your fatigue pretty well. Haley tries her hardest to be helpful, cooking you energizing meals and making sure you get enough sleep. Even if it doesn't necessarily work, she still wants to show that she cares and that she wants to help. She's your caretaker. She doesn't have to be, and she knows that, but she wants to. She does it because she loves you, in sickness and in health.

• If you're having a really bad spell one day, Haley is there for you. She will set you up on the couch, making sure that your top half is raised. She'll then hand you some compression socks and something to drink. Haley will be sitting right by your side, asking if you need anything before sitting down and finishing up her magazine. You don't bother her one bit. If anything, she feels happy to be relied on. It's sweet. She feels like she's finally needed. But she needs you just as much.

• Haley is an incredibly sweet partner to you, despite your illness. She keeps you safe and loved, and she wouldn't dare leave your side. She adores her farmer, and she adores being your caregiver as well. She feels like she belongs here, like this is where she was meant to be all along. You wouldn't trade her for the world.