#and i kinda got the sense that it would have been a forbidden romance if branch had stayed gray

[alleycatchitchat]

SPOILERS FOR TROLLS BAND TOGETHER ENDING! (not really plot-related, but still spoilers)

ok but this ↑ x2 because apparently nsync is canonically part of the world of trolls, and it looks like they have a huge crazy fanbase [maybe even bigger than brozone?]

which, i don't get how that works, did branch pursue his singing career in the gap between brozone's breakup and rosiepuff's death? or was he living some kind of secret double life this whole time? but whatever i'm rolling with it

anyway i am a sucker for overlooked, underappreciated characters who are secretly amazingly talented, and i really really need to read a fic where original-movie-snack-pack somehow stumbles across rosiepuff's old pod or news articles from years ago or a secret nync concert and has the realization like wait wait WAIT is that who i think it is

as an unapologetic fan of the dreamworks trolls franchise, i have Many Opinions about the upcoming movie, but all i can seem to focus on atm is how wild things would be if the events of movies 1 & 2 hadn't yet occurred and one day john dory pops up out of nowhere looking for branch and the entire troll village tries to process the fact that branch, yes branch was once in a wildly successful boy band

[azrielbrainrot]

Moonlit Shadows - Act I

Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader

Description: When tasked to find the once famed Temple of the Moon Goddess, Azriel only expected to find old, forgotten ruins if anything at all. He could have never imagined that not only would he find a temple but also someone who would change his life forever.

Tropes/Tags: Star Crossed Lovers (in a way), Forbidden Romance (kinda), Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, some Angst with a Happy Ending

Warnings: a bit of angst

Word Count: 12,4k

Rating: 18+ (this part is actually kinda chill)

Notes: Just as a warning (?) reader has white hair and white silvery eyes in this story but those are the only physical descriptions I will make, they're kind of part of her magic. Also when I started writing this I totally intended on it being a one-shot but the story got away from me and I decided to split it up into 3 parts. I really hope you enjoy!

You've been pacing in front of the temple's door ever since the sun set over the mountain, the warm rays slowly being replaced with the brilliant pale moonlight. You keep wringing your hands together and smoothing down any possible wrinkle on your dress, repositioning the diadem perched on your head to make sure it sits perfectly. It's not often you get visitors up in the temple, let alone any your Goddess went out of Her way to warn you about and gave clear instructions to help in any way you could. You can't quite distinguish if the anxiety building inside you is the result of excitement or wariness - possibly a healthy dose of both.

The last time someone climbed these steps had been almost a full decade ago. It was a quite short affair as well since the visitor only needed a book long forgotten in the temple's library. You'd read it multiple times before, and offered it without hesitation, prompting the traveler to thank you and immediately start descending the mountain, going on his way all the while muttering about finally having all the knowledge he needed to achieve his goal. That small interaction served as a reminder of your purpose in this temple, filled you with a sense of accomplishment you usually felt in such situations, but you've been alone in between these walls since then.

After almost four centuries you're more than used to the quiet, to the way your steps echoe in the grand empty space. The loneliness had been a more prominent companion, but even that had come and gone throughout the years. You had no place in the world, nor family or friends waiting for you anymore. All you had left was your duty to the temple. But you're still only fae and the longing for some company catches up to you every once in a while. At times you think you only want the reminder that you're still alive.

There wasn't much to do around the temple either, it magically gave you food and kept itself clean so you didn't even need to bother with that. You could recite every book in the library at this point and you found you weren't the best artist as you tried your hand at painting and sculpting, even music and dancing. The flowers around the temple seemed to grow effortlessly, not even needing you to tend to them either. Even keeping a journal proved inefficient as there was little to write down, the monotony of your life not interesting enough for such a thing. When tasked with guarding the temple, you would never have imagined boredom would end up being your biggest problem.

You still recall the day your hair started turning white and your eyes dulling, losing their color slowly until they turned into the silver, almost white color they were now, mirroring the moonlight. At first your parents thought it could be some disease or even a curse, they were scared for your health and safety beyond measure, but when the Goddess contacted you and sent you the amulet you now wear religiously around your neck, it guided you and your parents to this very temple hidden in the mountains of the Night Court. She then told you Herself what the fates had written for you, presenting you with an oath and sharing her power with you, making you the Keeper of the Moon Temple.

Everything had seemed impossible to believe at first, the time of the Gods had passed millenia ago, it was hard to find someone who could even name any of them anymore, you certainly couldn't at the time. So when you were told what your role in life was going to be you had been completely blindsided, not even knowing what to make of your new occupation, of being trusted with such an important task when you weren't even three decades old.

Truthfully, you expected at least a few people to show up every once in a while, asking for help or guidance. You even prepared yourself for there to be some threats to the temple, but things had been mostly peaceful and quiet, so quiet. You understand why guarding the temple is important, this type of knowledge and power can't ever fall into the wrong hands, the safety of the world depends on it, but sometimes you wonder what your life could have been like if you hadn't been chosen by fate to hold such a heavy burden by yourself.

Your heart stalls in your chest when you feel a presence approaching, used to feeling them pass by unannounced as the temple remains hidden in its protective spell. When it's clear this is the visitor the Goddess had warned you about, as they entered the wards seamlessly, you take a deep calming breath, adjusting the diadem one last time, and open the heavy doors, revealing the temple to the moonlight. As the stairs come into view, you step up to the threshold and clasp your hands together behind your back, waiting to be of help as your Goddess instructed you to.

Distractedly rehearsing your greeting, unused as it was, you almost miss the dark shadows swirling up the milky steps, passing by you and escaping to all corners of the temple before you have time to react. Your head snaps back to follow them, breaking the calming character you were falling into in preparation to fulfill your duty. Some of your power drips down to your fingertips, casting a white glow under your skin, as you study these shadows intently. Not finding any ill intent in them, as strange as they were, some of the tension leaves your body. They simply lay before you, more and more of these wispy shadows gathering together as they swirled around themselves, not paling even a fraction under the bright moonlight or your powers. Strange little things indeed.

You wonder for a moment if this was the visitor the Goddess had mentioned, not knowing what to make of it or how to approach such a situation. She had not specified if the visitor was fae, though you're not so sure how you would be able to help shadows. Before you could embarrass yourself in trying to speak to these creatures, the same presence you felt earlier makes itself known, much closer than before. Looking up at the starry sky, you find strong, dark wings carrying someone directly to the temple, a glimpse of blue shining over their dark form.

This was already the most interesting visitor you've ever had. You'd never had the pleasure of meeting any winged fae before, and, given their reaction to the fae approaching, you were confident the shadows were under their command. Those were definitely even rarer than winged fae - Shadowsingers, you remember them being called.

As they fly down closer to you and the temple, slowly letting the wind guide them, you feel a strange tug on your chest, and then another, this time strong enough that it makes you look down at yourself with furrowed eyebrows. Your confusion only deepens when you notice a bright string connected to your heart, raising your hand to try and touch it. Your fingers pass right through it, as if it wasn't there in the first place, and soon after you try catching it, the string disappears from sight.

You lay a hand down over your chest, feeling your heart beating under your palm. The string was invisible now, but you could still feel it tugging incessantly, as if urging you to look up. You follow its silent command, almost gasping out loud when you find the winged fae a lot closer than you had expected, catching him as he lands with a harsh tud on top of the steps, arms bracing out to maintain his balance as if he isn't quite used to landing yet. The shadows swirling at your feet rush to him, and a bewildered expression takes over his face, likely mirroring your own, as he stares at you, mouth agape.

Wide leathery wings stand behind him, open in a somewhat awkward angle as he stands frozen in place. As the moonlight filters through them you realize they're not quite black as they appeared before, the insides actually have a beautiful crimson hue to them. Your eyes seem to have a mind of their own as they keep cataloging his entire form, taking note of every detail as if it was crucial information. He was covered from head to toe in black leathers, you recognize it as an armor of sorts. It clung to his every muscle, showcasing them as much as it protected him from harm. You find the same blue light from before twinkling in the midst of all the black, studying it closer to find it came from gems scattered across his armor, you're almost certain they hold some of his magic somehow.

Moving up his neck, you find tan skin shining under the moonlight and black hair curling into his forehead softly, locks messy and a little damp from the flight. The stranger also had striking hazel eyes, and you find yourself struggling to not get lost in them, only bringing yourself to break eye contact when you notice the glittery string once more in the corner of your eye, only this time it's connected to his chest.

Your breath catches in your throat as you follow its path slowly, careful not to lose the thin thread once more, finding it leading back to your own heart. You feel another tug, prompting you to look back up at the male in front of you. A hand falls over your heart at the implication, right where you could feel the phantom string had tied itself. Yet another tug confirming your suspicions.

How could this be?

⭒.˚ ☾⭒.˚

Azriel wasn't expecting his evening to turn out like this when he was called to Rhys' office. While he knew there was going to be a mission of sorts, he never imagined it would involve a temple no one has ever heard of or a Goddess long forgotten. Even with Amren's knowledge and the old books she found corroborating her words, Azriel was still anticipating coming back to Velaris empty handed. He's flown over these same mountains at least a million times in the five centuries he's been alive, and never once has he noticed a temple or any signs of magic.

The woods under him looked completely untouched as far as he could tell, no one choosing to live so far from the neighboring towns, isolated between the trees and steep mountains. His shadows filtered through the woods in case he missed something from his high position, even if he thought this search was in vain, it didn't mean he wasn't going to give it his best to fulfill his High Lord's order. He felt almost naked without his shadows latching onto his body though, the single companion still perched on his shoulder in order to relay him information not giving him nearly enough coverage to feel at ease when he was so far from home.

Mission and discomfort aside, the wind felt heavenly hitting his skin on this warm summer evening. It had been a while since he was able to fly for this long without dreading his destination as it usually meant he was visiting the Illyrian mountains, the Hewn City or a much more gruesome mission than the one he found himself in at the moment. It also feels good to step away from the full houses he found himself in nowadays. As much as he loved his family, Azriel had always valued his alone time and it was getting harder to find himself completely alone in the midst of missions and the ever growing inner circle.

As he was flying over the edge of the mountain, Azriel was getting ready to make the trip back and throw a very satisfying “I told you so” at his brother's face when his shadows suddenly disappeared right before his eyes. The abruptness of it made him panic for a few seconds, clapping his wings so he was hovering in the same place and was able to study the space ahead of him, trying to feel for any type of ward or shield but coming up empty. He could still feel his shadows, and knew they were alright given how calm the remaining one was as it sat on his shoulder and simply urged him forward, as if confused why he had stopped in the first place.

Azriel trusted his shadows blindly, they had never steered him wrong after all, and so he did as he was told and slowly started moving forward once again. After living for five hundred years surrounded by magic, there isn't much that can surprise the shadowsinger, but he can safely say he's never seen anything like this. He felt his body pass through some sort of gateway, one that went unnoticed by him until now, and as he did his surroundings began changing as if they had only been a mirage before.

In between the trees a path carved in white stone could now be seen, glinting under the moonlight in complete contrast to the rest of the dark woods. As his eyes followed this path, going up stairs of the same stone carved into the side of the mountain, he found a white temple sitting right at the top. It wasn't a huge building by any means, but the white eerie glow it emitted made it impossible to miss had it not been the spell covering it - one that would make the one who kept Velaris safe for centuries pale in comparison - and keeping it hidden from the world and unwanted eyes.

Amren had been right after all, something that happens more often than he would ever care to admit. The Goddess of the Moon still had at least a temple left in this world, leaving it behind when She took to the sky. Not much is known about the old Gods, but Azriel, born and raised in the Night Court, felt himself relax as he looked up at the moon shining above him, not believing this Goddess could be anything but benevolent. She had watched him fly over from Velaris after all, it almost felt like he was guided here.

The entire temple was made of white stone - it appeared to be the same type of stones used for the path and stairs leading up to it, only more polished. There were silver highlights carved into the walls and columns, these glowed with an intensity Azriel had never seen. Most of the roof was a huge skylight, likely so the moon could illuminate Her temple and Her followers could bask in Her brilliant light.

Given the color scheme of the entire building, his shadows were easy enough to spot, which would have been a big problem had he decided on a more covert operation when coming to the temple, he was more than glad he came here in peace. His little companions seemed perfectly content as they swirled around and over themselves right in front of the temple's doors, a few steps from a figure completely clad in white.

Even after finding the temple where he had only seen trees and shrubs before, he couldn't help but feel even more surprised that there was someone inside it. A sudden spark of magic has the shadowsinger moving faster, a gasp catching in his throat when he sees bright, pale light coming from the figure's palms. Even this wasn't enough to send the shadows that would be at the receiving hand of it into alarm, something curious on its own as they were usually as suspicious and careful as their master.

Azriel was already within earshot when the person in front of him decided his shadows posed no threat and the white light disappeared from her hands. At first glance she might have looked like a regular high fae female, but there was a different kind of power flowing through her, as shown by the strange way this light magic manifested itself, something Azriel had never felt before.

Upon flying down closer, his feet almost touching the top of the steps in front of the temple, he realizes she had not been wearing a white hood or veil as he initially thought but her hair was completely white. There was an unnatural element to it as each strand shone under the moonlight, almost rivaling it in its intensity. The floor length dress she wore was of the same color, made of a light, breathable fabric, almost translucent in certain areas, swishing softly in the faint breeze. She had not looked up at him yet, seemingly intrigued as she watched her own chest. Perhaps looking at the pendant she wore around her neck, the magic coming from it could almost be seen in its intensity.

Azriel took this moment to take her in, not knowing what to say since he was the one possibly trespassing. She was absolutely gorgeous, truly mesmerizing in her beauty and demeanor. It was almost impossible to believe she was real, standing right in front of him and not a Goddess walking his dreams. For a moment Azriel wonders if this is truly the Goddess, if She never left the land of the mortals as it was once believed, instead keeping herself safely hidden in these uninhabited mountains, but when she looks up from her necklace, eyes falling on him for the first time, all thoughts evaporate from his mind. White, silvery eyes meet hazel and a sudden rush of inexplicable feelings hit him right in the chest, squeezing his heart tight and taking his breath away. It felt as if the world had broken apart and put itself together, as if everything finally made sense. The only thing he could make sense of was one word, swirling around in his mind and completely taking over every cell on his body. Mate. You were his mate.

In his stupor, Azriel forgets he was still up in the air, wings freezing along with the rest of his body and sending him falling towards the ground. Thankfully, he hadn't been too high up, and was still able to land on his feet, knees only buckling under his weight slightly as he steadied himself. This had to be the most ungraceful landing he's performed since his brothers were training him between giggles and harmless teasing when he first joined the Illyrian camps. If he wasn't so surprised and his brain was able to formulate a single thought, he would be cringing at the fact that you had just witnessed it, his mate had witnessed it.

It takes several moments before he starts catching on to the situation, the ringing in his ears subsiding and the rest of the world re-emerging around you. He hadn't even noticed his shadows had returned to him, ecstatic for their master finally found his equal. Azriel tries to school his features in an attempt to keep at least some dignity, in fear of coming on too strong as well, especially since it seemed you were in the same predicament as him, a curious but stunned expression locked in your beautiful face as you studied him. His stupid Illyrian senses make him flare out his wings a little before he has the chance to fully take control of his body. When your gaze finds his once more, his heart stalls in his chest before speeding up at an alarming rate. You haven't even spoken a single word to him, but his heart already sang for yours.

⭒.˚ ☾⭒.˚

The oath you made before your Goddess rushes into your head as you study the handsome male in front of you. How could this be possible? The fates had decided your life lied within the temple long before you were born, so why give you a mate? A bond like this is extremely rare, you'd never seen one in your entire lifetime, albeit you lived isolated from the world for most of it. Still, this was something only a few were blessed with, a bond stronger than what mortal minds could even comprehend, so why waste it on you? Could the fates and the Mother be this cruel?

You can't even bring yourself to hope he didn't notice the brilliant bond forming between you - an angry twist pulling at your heartstrings when you dare to think of hiding it - considering the expression on his face and his silence, it seems he's already more than aware of it. All it took was a single glance and it had fallen into place for both of you.

In the midst of the rushing thoughts invading your brain, you try to remember what you've read about mating bonds. There was a book talking about them in the library, of this much you were sure, but its contents were evading your racing mind.

Gaze falling to the floor, trying to sober up from what you imagine to be one of the most intense occurrences anyone could go through, you almost miss the step he takes towards you. The surprise of it makes you flinch slightly, but it was enough for him to notice and take the same step back, wings coiling up tightly to his back and shadows moving to cover him almost completely, excitement wiped off his face and replaced with a hurt expression.

Your gaze falls on him once more, a self loathing feeling crawling up your throat and making you want to beg for his forgiveness on your knees at the thought that you put that expression on his face. This bond would take some getting used to, in what world would you kneel before a male you've just met. Still, you didn't want him to think he scared or even disgusted you in any way, mate or no mate, that was extremely rude.

You clear your throat softly, remembering the weight of your role in this temple and trying desperately to fall back into character, hoping the familiarity of your duties will bring your mind some peace and help you get through this moment.

“Forgive me, it isn't often that we get visitors,” his entire body tenses up even further at your words, but it relaxes as you keep speaking, “I welcome you to the last Temple of the Moon. I'm the keeper and sole habitant of this temple. I've been tasked to keep it safe from any possible threats, but also do my best to help anyone the Goddess deems worthy of being shown the way, just as you have been.”

You try not to look too long in his general direction in fear of getting lost in his eyes once more, but that's close to impossible when you're talking to him and he might be the most beautiful male you've ever encountered. Taking a step to the side, you hold out a hand towards the door, inviting him into the temple, something you should have already done.

He nods his head once after watching your outstretched arm for a moment longer, and then makes his way inside slowly. As he passes by, you can't help but breathe in his scent, it feels intoxicating and it takes every bit of strength in your body to not let your mind linger on how well it would smell mixed with yours, until you couldn't point out where one ended and the other began.

A gasp pulls you out of your betraying thoughts, a smile finding its way to your lips, knowing the sight was making him speechless. It always sparks a little pride in you when someone gazes upon the temple for the first time. Even after living here for centuries, this temple's beauty still takes your breath away. The entire floor was made of replandescent white stones, silver gems weave highlights into them, creating patterns across the entire room, maps of constellations and lunar phases, and giving it a particular glow of their own. They were illuminated by the giant skylight making up most of the ceiling, as to allow both the moon and sunlight to enter. You've tried identifying the materials used in this construction before but ended up coming up empty. It seems the precious stones and gems used no longer grew in this world, perhaps they never did.

At the far corner of the room there was an altar, one without statue or offering table, but an altar all the same. Even when She walked this world, your Goddess never accepted gifts or ever allowed anyone to replicate her image because even that could end up leaving traces of her power behind. The altar looks empty right now, and you catch yourself wishing he could be here to see it on a full moon, when the moon rays fall right over it and you can communicate with and receive any orders the Goddess might have for you. The entire room holds an even more intense glow during that night of the month as well, you're sure he would find it fascinating.

Making your way around him, careful not to step too close or accidentally touch his wings, you catch sight of his awe stricken face, tan skin glowing beautifully under the moonlight. A small, fond smile appears on his face when his gaze falls back on yours, and you almost curse the Mother for the challenge she just put in front of you. His beauty was truly otherworldly, it rivaled every shiny gem and stone in this room, maybe even the moon herself. How were you supposed to act normally knowing this was your mate?

“I've never seen anything like this before,” he admits softly, eyes never straying from yours. The sound of his voice makes you pause, it feels strangely familiar, like something you've been waiting to hear your entire life. There's a curious kind of magic around mating bonds, you don't know how it's possible for someone you've just met to already have so much power over you, even when you're trying your best to ignore him.

“I still find myself at a loss for words when gazing at this room as well,” you agree, wanting to cringe at the bashful expression you know has fallen over your face. Your plan of keeping a detached demeanor while fulfilling your duties was doomed from the start. You clasp your hands behind your back before continuing in what you hope is a professional voice. “The Goddess warned me of your arrival and left orders for me to help you in any way I can. If you tell me what you seek, I will give you what you came here for as long as it's within my abilities.”

His eyebrows furrow slightly at your words. “How did you know I was coming?”

“The Goddess knows more than us mortals will ever be able to grasp,” you explain as vaguely as possible while hopefully not raising any suspicions. There's not a single cell in your body that thinks he's untrustworthy, but they're incredibly biased, and the inner workings of your role as the Moon's keeper must be protected.

He seems satisfied enough with your answer, but there's a different kind of air about him now. As if remembering he doesn't know you, and has found himself at your mercy.

“You haven't told me what you came for,” you remind him. If you sit in silence for long your thoughts will start drifting again.

“Right,” he clears his throat, a pinkish tint covering the tips of his rounded ears. “I come on behalf of the High Lord and Lady of the Night Court.” Your eyebrows raise at this, not expecting him to be such an important person. “One of the High Lady's sisters has been turned into a seer recently, and given that she wasn't even born fae, these powers have proven extremely hard to control.”

You've heard the story of the human who saved the fae from the evil clutches of Amarantha, and her sisters who were tragically thrown in the cauldron by King Hybern and turned into fae against their will. Your Goddess had even told you one of the sisters vengefully stole her powers from the cauldron, and the other was gifted seer abilities. Given the circumstances in which this all went down, it's understandable that she has been having trouble controlling her powers. Being a seer is an exceptionally heavy burden, and she's still so young too.

“We have some books that might be able to help, both in controlling one's power and pulling an entranced fae out of any visions or dreams they've found themselves stuck in. Was that what you were hoping for?”

“Yes,” he admits, apparently relieved at having found what he was looking for, “We found texts mentioning the followers of the Moon Goddess often had prophetic dreams, and wrote entire manuals on how to navigate them. Since Elain wasn't born with these powers these books seemed perfect to help her, and so the High Lady sent me searching for them.” You nod, motioning for him to follow you as you turn and start walking to the library, already making a mental list of all the books that might help his friend.

Even lost in thought, you sense him stopping in his steps as you're walking down the corridor, overwhelmingly aware of his every move as you were. This prompts you to turn around and face him in question, only to find him watching you in amazement.

“You're breathtaking,” he blurts out before he can catch himself, making heat rush up your neck and settle over your entire face. He looks away embarrassed for a moment, one of his shadows crawling up his neck and over his ear, before looking back at you with a bashful look. “I'm sorry. I just- Is it normal for you to glow like this?”

This power has been a part of you for so long, you almost forget about the way your hair lights up in the dark, an aura surrounding you as well, giving you an overall ethereal glow. “Yes, I harness power from the moon and She glows so…” you trail off, biting your lip as he keeps studying you. “The library is right up ahead,” you add, turning your back to him once more so you can gather your thoughts for the nth time since he stepped foot into this temple.

As you navigate through the familiar rows of shelves your heart finally calms, easily picking up the pertinent books. You can't help but keep watching him out of the corner of your eye, not out of suspicion, but curiosity for his every reaction. He seems content with following after you as he watches the decorations and studies the books sitting on the shelves, not once asking you what you're giving him, simply carrying the books you hand him. It makes you wonder if he usually trusts everyone this easily or if it's something reserved for you.

When you hand him the last book, you move to the back of the room slowly, the place where you keep some important magical amulets and tools, waiting on any sign from the Goddess forbidding you from lending him any of them. He comes to stand beside you then, likely noticing your hesitation.

“There is also an artifact that I think could help your friend,” you start, picking up the bracelet in question and holding it up as you explain its power, “This can help numb one's powers.”

“Like faebane?”

You shake your head, “No, this is completely painless, but it's vital that it is only used when she's finding herself lost in her visions and you're struggling to pull her out. This is not to be used as a crutch. If she used it to suppress her powers too often, she might never be able to take control of her full powers and this bracelet could become something she can't live without.” He nods, hopefully understanding the gravity behind your words. “It's also extremely rare and dangerous so I ask that, as soon as she has a better grasp of her abilities, I would say within a few years at most, this bracelet is delivered back to the temple so it can be kept safe.”

“What happens if we don't return it?”

The question makes you tense up and close your hands around the bracelet, your voice coming out clipped as you answer him. “I'm not entirely sure as no one has ever attempted something so foolish as long as I've been here, but those types of transgressions are handled by the Goddess so I imagine you would not be able to keep it even if you tried.”

“I wasn't considering keeping it. I was merely curious,” he rushes to explain, sincerity dripping from every word and making you relax a bit.

“Curious?”

“If you would be the one to come for it,” he confessed.

A warm tingly feeling spreads through your body as you digest his words. Would he seriously consider stealing from a God just for a chance to see you again? Even if it meant being at the end of your wrath? Can you be confident the bond wouldn't drive you to such extremes as well?

“I can't leave the temple unattended,” you murmur, much too softly for your own good. Your emotions are running all over the place, it almost seems like they're fighting to see which one will take control of your body, and unfortunately, you have an inkling as to which is winning as his scent overwhelms your senses once again.

“Of course,” he says, taking a small step closer to you, shadows mostly retreating from his body, “Forgive me. I didn't mean to upset you.” Must his voice sound like a cup of hot chocolate after a day spent playing in the snow?

It doesn't help that you've been in this temple for so long that you can't even recall the last time someone touched you, not even sexually, no one has so much as held your hand or hugged you in decades, ever since your parents passed. Looking at him, you know you could get lost in his arms, your head resting against his strong chest.

It's only when you squeeze the bracelet too hard, a bit of its power zapping through you, that you're finally able to pull yourself from the beautiful hazel of his eyes, and your consuming thoughts. Clearing your throat and handing him the bracelet. He only hesitates a second, likely pulling himself out of the moment as well, before carefully taking it from your hand, conscious of not letting his skin touch yours, much to your dismay.

You can feel your eyes widen at the sight of his scarred hands before you have a chance to school your features. The armor he wears and the sword strapped between his wings tell you he's a warrior, but you can't imagine what could have happened for this injury to scar like this. Someone employed directly under the High Lord must have access to the best healers in the court. Suddenly, anger bubbles in the pit of your stomach at the thought that someone dared to hurt your mate.

This time he's the one to pull away from you abruptly, shadows returning to their master, and that infuriating string tugging at your heart as he does. It makes you want to reach out and hold his hand, reassure him somehow, but thankfully your brain catches up to the thought that might be overstepping, and so you simply nod at him and ask him to follow you back to the temple's main room once more.

The walk back is filled with a heavy atmosphere, not only considering your oversight, but also at the realization that you must send him away now, likely never to see him again. If you're lucky he will be the one to return the bracelet, and you will be able to see him in a few years. The thought makes you slow your pace.

It's only when you reach the heavy doors, that you allow yourself to turn to him, his face reflecting your feelings perfectly. You briefly consider mentioning the bond, at least to make sure he feels it too, but you fail to see what good that would bring. You still can't leave the temple and, now that he's gotten what he came for, he will not be able to return either. This will be the last time you see each other, regardless of your feelings.

He studies your face carefully, perhaps wondering the same. It seems he reaches a conclusion as he speaks up, “Can you tell me your name?” He sounded hopeful, but somehow scared of asking, as if denying him could hurt him beyond comparison.

You whisper your name hesitantly, knowing this isn't just another stranger, this was your mate. He repeats it, tasting it on his tongue as he stares at you with an intensity you almost couldn't bear, but were unable to look away from.

“My name is Azriel,” he offers willingly, like he wanted nothing more than to hear you say his name, and who were you to deny him this when you were already withholding so much? You repeat his name the same way he did yours, the impertinent little silver string connecting you and your mate reappearing as the delicious word left your lips.

You keep repeating it in your mind as he thanks you for your help and you watch him take flight, hesitation written in his entire body language as his wings slowly carry him over the clouds, looking back down multiple times as if fighting himself to keep moving. You repeat it once more out loud, when you can't see him anymore and you know he's out of earshot. This time his name is followed by a broken whisper of an apology.

⭒.˚ ☾⭒.˚

The flight back to Velaris was one of the hardest ones Azriel has ever attempted, noticeably taking him much longer than it would have under normal circumstances. He has had to fly back home on an injured body and even injured wings, carrying another with him – Cassian of all people – and he's had to fly through the most extreme weather, heavy rain, snow and the torrid desert sun. All of those things had seemed easy compared to what he was experiencing now with a well rested body.

Both Rhysand and Cassian had mentioned how the mating bond made them act differently, how it seemed like it was taking control of their body and pushing them to act a certain way, but he didn't expect it to be this bad. His every instinct was screaming at him to turn around and go back for his mate.

He even had to take a break along the way, after watching the temple disappear right before his eyes, hidden inside the spell that had kept it safe for millenia. As the sight of the brilliant building was replaced with trees and rocks, the only thing going through Azriel's mind was that he might never see his mate again, the mere thought sending his heart into disarray. He spends a good while sitting under the moonlight, looking ahead at where he knows she is, while his shadows do their best to comfort him. Trying desperately to wrap his head around everything that happened, and how much his life changed in such a short time.

If he had been given a warning, a chance to prepare himself, then maybe he would have approached things differently, but getting blindsided by a mating bond wasn't in his plans. In fact, it had been a good while since he had stopped hoping for a mate.

He had longed for one most of his life. For someone that not only was his equal, but was also able to connect to him in ways only those who have experienced such a thing can begin to comprehend. A person that would accept him no matter how wretched he was, how much blood he has had to wash off his hands for the sake of his court. Someone he would love with every breath in him, even if it ruined him completely.

So many don't truly believe in mating bonds until they see them in front of them, but Azriel always did. He'd seen the worst this world had to offer and knew that if there was such darkness, then its counterpart would be equally as strong. And what could be stronger and brighter than love?

It wasn't until his brothers found mates of their own within a year of each other that Azriel started truly wishing for one though. Before, it was nothing more than a dream, just as he had dreamt of flying when he was locked in his cell, of seeing his mother when his cruel father kept him away from her, but seeing the happiness the mating bond had brought his brothers and how amazing the connection they shared with their mates was, he couldn't help longing for the same.

That was until enough years passed, everyone around him happily mated or in loving relationships while he stood by and watched from the same dark corner of the room. Azriel had convinced himself he wasn't worthy of a mate, even now after seeing you he can't help but feel the same. You were perfect in every aspect of the word, a beacon of light even kept away in your temple, while Azriel was nothing more than a monster. The feared Spymaster of the Night Court. Always ready to drench his hands in blood for the sake of his family and his home, always covered in shadows. A lesser fae, Illyrian of all kinds.

You deserve someone better, of that much he's sure, but the Mother had decided you were equals, and Azriel didn't mind doing his best to be worthy of you even if he had to work for it for the rest of his life. He's been waiting to love someone for so long, has been saving all of that inside him, and he wants nothing more than to shower you in affection, in reverence. Except it didn't seem like he would have the chance.

For most of your interaction, Azriel was convinced you had also felt the bond forming between you two, but he couldn't be sure, not when you hadn't even mentioned it or alluded to it before showing him out. Maybe he had read too much into things, let his own feelings bleed into his analysis, or maybe you simply didn't want a mating bond, not with someone like him. It didn't seem like you knew of him, but who's to say you haven't heard of the awful things he's done, and decided you didn't want anything to do with a monster like him.

The thought had his shadows rushing to soothe him once more, whispering vehement denials of his unworthiness as they covered him. Unfortunately, they wouldn't answer any of his questions about you, claiming it wasn't their place to explain your feelings or situation. In a way they were right, but that left him with no idea of what to think.

Azriel sat on that mountain, mulling over everything that had happened until the first rays of the sun started rising over the horizon. It wasn't until Rhysand reached out to check on him, worried at his spymaster's unusual tardiness, that he resumed his trip back to Velaris, this time passing through shadows along the way to cut his time shorter, hoping his brother hadn't caught glimpse of the heartbreakingly beautiful female consuming his every thought. Trying desperately to clear his mind as the cool wind hit his face, preparing for the meeting that was waiting for him as soon as he got home.

“So the temple truly exists?” Rhysand had been as skeptical about the temple's existence as Azriel, finding it hard to believe that such a thing could be hidden in his own court without his knowledge.

Azriel nods and sets the books you've given him on the dark desk, dropping the bracelet on top of the pile carefully, trying not to be reminded of the way you had handed it to him, or focus on your scent still clinging to it faintly. Shaking himself out of it and letting the spymaster mask fall over his face, he starts explaining how he had found the temple behind a powerful spell, going into detail about the building itself, the keeper who had helped him and the books and bracelet given to him, including the warnings you gave him, making sure to stress the fact that the bracelet was to be returned as soon as Elain gained enough control of her abilities.

“You really didn't feel the wards around the temple?”

“No, if my shadows hadn't disappeared right before my eyes I wouldn't have even noticed they were there.” So much had happened that Azriel almost forgot how peculiar those wards were, in fact all the magic present in the temple and in you had felt different.

“And this keeper?” His heart speeds up treacherously, enough so that Rhys gets a curious glint in his purple eyes, undoubtedly noticing it. “Tell me about her.”

A soft scowl takes over his features, a strange possessiveness creeping up before has the chance to quell it. “She was waiting for me at the entrance. Apparently the Moon Goddess warned her there was a visitor coming.”

“She can talk to the Goddess?”

“It seems so,” Azriel hesitates for a moment, “Her magic is different from any fae I've seen. Her hair is completely white, and her eyes aren't much darker, maybe a bit more silver. There was a certain aura about her, her entire being seemed to glow beautifully under the moonlight, even more when we moved inside. She truly looked otherworldly. In that moment, she looked even more radiant than the stars and the moon combined.”

A moment of silence falls over the room as everyone digests Azriel's words, tiny gasps leaving Feyre and Elain, who had been out of it for most of the conversation as a result of yet another one of her visions, and Nesta's jaw dropping significantly as they were not used to hearing the Shadowsinger muse about someone like this. Unfortunately, the others have seen him drunk enough when he was younger, so it wasn't as much of a surprise.

“What was that, brother?” Cassian's teasing voice cuts through his thoughts, “I thought you didn't resort to poetry.”

Azriel looks up at this, heat rising to his cheeks at the amused looks shared by everyone in the room, realizing he had lost himself in his descriptions of you, unable to keep them as clinical as he normally would, especially when it came to a mission.

“I just meant her magic manifests in a way I've never seen before,” he finishes lamely, one of his shadows oh so helpfully crawling up his neck to notify him that no one seemed to believe his excuse.

“Right, her magic,” Nesta mocks, suddenly interested in hearing about the temple after focusing on the books that would be helping her sister.

Thankfully, Amren didn't care about whether he found the keeper beautiful or not, and wanted to keep the conversation on track, a bored expression on her face as she pulled the attention back to her and the topic at hand.

“You said she called herself the keeper of the temple, correct?”

Azriel nods at her while checking his mental walls just in case, lest he also let them fall in his moment of distraction, and his High Lord or Lady saw something they shouldn't. He can only guess what feelings and thoughts would be attached to your image in his mind. If they saw this he would never hear the end of it.

“I believe she not only can communicate with the Goddess but also shares some of her powers. It's hard to determine just how powerful she truly is,” the ancient one turns to Rhys and Feyre, a serious look taking over her features, “She could become a threat to us.”

“She's not a threat,” his voice cuts through the room, protecting his mate instinctively.

Rhysand raises one annoyingly perfect eyebrow at Azriel's sudden outburst. Some of the amusement still lingers around the room, but the anger behind his statement was undeniable, creating some tension and confusion between everyone. It's not often they see him so on edge, to the point of raising his voice at Amren of all people.

He tries to calm himself as much as possible, knowing this is a symptom of the mating bond and that his brothers and sister-in-laws might be able to figure that out, and tries to explain himself once again.

“I was the one who talked to her, there were no ill intentions when she guided me through the temple and gave me the books. She even added more books than we wanted or knew existed, and the bracelet. She helped us willingly.”

Amren studies him through narrowed eyes for a moment longer before finishing her earlier thought. “Even if she had any ill intentions, keepers are bound to their temples and can't physically leave, so there wouldn't be much to worry about.”

It feels like the world stops when Azriel hears these words. Every little hope he was clinging to in regards to your bond escaped him in that moment. If what Amren said was true, you couldn't leave the temple, even if you wanted to come and find him, and he couldn't find the temple unless he needed something and the Goddess showed him the way. He could very well never see you again, or only once more, when Elain got better and he had to deliver the books and bracelet back to the temple. Was that why you ignored the bond? Because you knew there was no hope for the two of you?

Azriel spends the rest of the meeting in a sort of trance, barely able to listen to what his family was talking about, or even register what they decided when it came to helping Elain use the books. It was impossible to focus on anything when it felt like his life, a dream that had barely started was crumbling right before his eyes. He only tunes back in when the meeting is over and most of the Inner Circle starts leaving, hoping he can at least go rest from his flight, take a long bath and find a quiet place to be alone and digest these life changing last few hours.

He was already on his feet, dragging his exhausted body to the door when Rhys called out his name, making him turn around in question. “There's something else we need to discuss.” His brother was always the most perceptive at the worst times. The last thing Azriel wants to do right now is discuss his miserable fate with anyone.

Everyone filters out the room then, even Feyre who drops a kiss on her mate's cheek before following her sister out - a gesture he's more than used to witnessing but bears a different weight today - leaving the two brothers alone in the quiet office. Azriel doesn't move from his spot, standing in the middle of the room with crossed arms as Rhysand studies him, daring him to start the conversation, secretly praying he simply has another mission to send him on instead of the conversation he's almost sure is about to start.

“Are you going to tell me what happened with this keeper?”

Azriel has to physically stop himself from sighing. Why couldn't the Mother let him have a moment after everything that has already happened in the last few hours?

“Nothing happened,” he sounds defensive even to himself, his mind too preoccupied to try and mask his emotions, “She gave me the books and then I left.” This much was true, unfortunately.

Rhys simply hums, always sounding irritatingly sure of himself. “So you wouldn't mind showing me your memories of last night, right? I'd like to take a good look at the temple. It seemed quite intriguing,” he pauses for a second, head tilting a fraction to the side, mouth forming into a smirk, “and so did she.”

A snarl escapes Azriel's mouth at his brother's words. Even if he knew he was being baited, controlling this damned bond was impossible right now. Rhysand's smirk only deepens, like a predator who successfully lured its prey, since his brother gives him the exact reaction he was expecting with that little comment. No wonder Azriel has to work so hard as his Spymaster, it's a miracle Rhys has lived this long.

“You look very defensive of a female you've only exchanged one simple conversation with.”

“Like I said before,” he says, that snarl not quite leaving his lips no matter how hard he tries, “She helped us without a second thought, even more than we expected. I just don't understand why everyone keeps insisting that she might be a threat.”

“I didn't say she was a threat, I simply asked you to show me what she looked like.” The High Lord taps his purple painted nails on the table, waiting for a response. When it becomes clear that Azriel isn't taking the bait, Rhys keeps going, “Can't blame me for being curious of how this keeper beautifully glows under the moonlight. She looked otherworldly, you said?”

The thought of assassinating his loving brother crosses Azriel's mind. He doesn't even know what to respond knowing those were his own words, and any reaction would be amplified by the mating bond. The High Lord had him right where he wanted him.

As he keeps staring at his brother, shadows climbing up his body until most of him is covered from those intense violet eyes, Rhysand's expression changes, a somewhat defeated look replacing the earlier amusement as he accepts that he'll have to pry the truth from his spymaster.

“Azriel, I've known you for over five centuries. I can tell when you're hiding something from me,” his face and tone turning even more serious as he continues, “I also know what a fresh mating bond feels like, the emotions it evokes in us.”

Azriel stares at his brother for another moment, before realizing there was no need to try and pretend he wasn't right, letting out a sigh before sitting down in the chair across from him defeatedly, shadows settling while his wings drooped, enough to touch the floor.

“If you already know, why are you asking me about it?”

“I didn't expect this to be your reaction,” he says, thoroughly studying Azriel's face. “I don't understand why you wouldn't be happy. I know it can be scary, but you've always wanted a mate, Az.”

“There's nothing to be happy about.”

Rhys simply rolls his eyes, “I know a bit more about mating bonds than you do. Trust me there's a lot to be happy about.”

His temper rises at this, emotions still not having settled - he's starting to wonder if they ever will. Even his shadows were becoming overstimulated, not knowing how to soothe their singer in these circumstances.

“Didn't you hear what Amren said? She can't leave the temple, she's bound to it, and I can't go back there since it's hidden under whatever spell that was,” the words almost caught in his throat, “I'm never seeing her again.”

Saying it out loud makes the whole situation unbearably real. It's not often Azriel sees himself in conversation such as these, always one to ignore his feelings for as long as possible, and then isolating himself when they become too much, but his brother knows him too well, as he said before, and was prying out everything too easily.

“I don't even know if she wanted this,” he finds himself whispering.

“Why wouldn't she?”

Azriel swallows all the self-pity, the unworthiness he felt when it came to you, or anyone else really. Diving into these feelings would lead them into a different conversation, one he wasn't sure he could handle, much less right now, and so he opts for the simpler answer.

“She didn't mention the bond once, she was ignoring it – if she even felt it at all,” he leans back and runs his hand through his hair, “my feelings were muddled the whole time I was there so I can't even know for sure.”

“You didn't tell her you were her mate either,” Rhysand reminds him.

Would things have gone a different way if he had? Or would you simply let him down as soon as he brought it up? Did it even matter? Would he be able to survive your rejection?

“She told you the temple showed itself for the people who needed it, right?” Azriel looks up at his brother, nodding. “Seems to me like you need to talk to her.”

⭒.˚ ☾⭒.˚

You're not entirely sure what one is supposed to do after finding their Mother-blessed mate, and then proceed to send them on their way, possibly to never return. Not being able to get even a wink of sleep and spending the next few hours searching your library for any information on mating bonds seems appropriate though. There wasn't anything written in these books that you didn't already know about mating bonds: extreme attraction, a connection of emotions, feelings of primal possessiveness, the possibility for a love unlike any other.

There was no mention of the silver string you'd seen tied around both of your hearts, but the bond seems to manifest itself differently for everyone, and the magic your Goddess has poured into you was peculiar to say the least. Even Azriel might not have seen or felt it manifest the same way you did, but that doesn't mean it's not there. Denying it is out of the picture at this point.

The section about rejecting mating bonds caught your eye, but it quickly soured your mood. It seems there's no way to reject a mating bond and hope for life to ever go back to normal, especially for males as they would always feel like a part of them was missing. The book didn't exactly go into depth on the topic – there can't be too many other idiots thinking of turning down a mating bond, – so it didn't mention anything about just ignoring the bond. Would it just fizzle out until you could barely feel anything, or would it end up with the same effects of a rejected bond? As much as you knew this bond was doomed from the start, you didn't want to convict Azriel to a lifetime of madness, or even worse. It was bad enough he couldn't get a mate out of you.

After your mood deflates at the bleak prospect for your future, and the sun has already replaced the moon, you decide to indulge yourself for a moment. Since your encounter had been so brief, you ended up not finding out too much about Azriel aside from his name, and, as much as there was a voice nagging at the back of your mind, warning you that trying to learn more about your mate won't help you in successfully ignoring the bond at all, you're still only fae and curiosity got the best of you. How could you not be curious about your mate?

You'd heard stories about a shadowsinger working under the High Lord of the Night Court, but you didn't know if that was him as the High Lord had changed since then. If it was though, this would make him a truly important figure for this court, country even. You can't help but feel proud at the thought.

Your search for information on Shadowsingers soon proves fruitless, not being able to find much else aside from their abilities to communicate with shadows, rare as they are, so you move onto researching winged fae instead, in hopes of finding out what kind he is. There are various kinds, this much you know, but for some reason you've always imagined them all to have feathered wings. It's at times like these that you wished you had traveled more when you were younger.

Most of the day is spent like this, tucked into your favorite sofa in the library, the temple refilling your teacup and offering you little snacks as you search for any bit of information that could help you understand who Azriel is. A tug on your silver string finally pulls you out of the moment, body immediately going into alert as you feel your mate nearing. These feelings are entirely too abstract, there's no way of knowing if he's flying over the temple or simply a bit closer than he had been an hour prior - which could still be halfway across the Night Court. You'd also found in one of the books that mates could attempt reaching out to each other through the bond, the descriptions of the resulting feeling appearing quite similar to what you were experiencing at the moment.

You try to ignore it and carry on reading your book on wings - the irony not lost on you - but the string keeps tugging incessantly, even more firmly now, and you suddenly get the feeling that he was actually close, possibly even trying to reach out at the same time or following the bond.

Had he come looking for you? You told him the temple kept itself hidden unless the visitor needed something from within these walls and the Goddess allowed them passage. He had to know that he wouldn't find anything more than trees and shrubs in this forest, the temple keeping itself out of sight even if he had been here before and knew its exact location, such were the wards around this place.

Putting away the book and sitting up on the sofa, you wonder what you should do. There's no way of communicating with him, and you won't be able to let him in, no matter how desperate you were since that decision was not your own to make. Your role was to protect the temple, but you knew he wasn't a threat either. Were you to simply stand by and watch while he looked for you, only to be met with silence? The Mother seems to have a twisted sense of humor.

As you were preparing yourself mentally for what you assumed were going to be a tough few hours, you feel the unmistakable sign of someone passing through the barrier, prompting you to stand up and winnow straight to the main hall, opening the front doors in a rush, only to find a familiar dark figure waiting for you.

If you weren't witnessing it with your own eyes, if your heart wasn't beating at that rhythm that seemed reserved solely for him, you wouldn't have believed this to be true. Your feet move of their own accord, carrying you towards your mate as he stands at the entrance to your temple, a contagiously hopeful expression on his face as he watches you move to him.

“How did you get here?” You can't help the dumb question, not being able to understand what is happening in the midst of your surprise and every other feeling that came with his presence.

“I needed to talk to you,” he explains in a breathy tone, smiling down at you like he wasn't sure if this would have worked either, if he was actually going to be able to find you.

The Goddess showed him the way, if She hadn't he wouldn't have been able to find you, even with any shadowsinger trick he might have had up his sleeve. Could She know he's your mate? She had been the one to warn you of his arrival the day before after all.

You're still trying to gather your thoughts when he continues, skipping over all the pleasantries as if he couldn't keep the words in any longer.

“You're my mate.”

Hearing the word coming from his mouth makes your heart soar, a tingling feeling spreading over your entire body as if lava was now running through your veins. This was not a confession you needed to hear, but the bond welcomed it anyway.

“I know,” you admit, a bittersweet smile overtaking your features.

“Are you unhappy with it? With me?” You quickly shake your head in denial, but he continues before you have the chance to explain, “I would understand it if you were, and if you don't want the bond, I won't force you to accept it. I promise I will never hurt you.”

Is this what has been going through his mind since he left? That you wouldn't want him? The thought makes you swallow, you've only wanted to spare him as much pain as you could, not hurt him more yourself.

“Azriel, that's not it. There's nothing wrong with you, or any reason I wouldn't want you as my mate” you assure, “but I swore my life to protecting this temple, and I can't physically leave the grounds. That's not fair to you.”

He doesn't seem to be surprised at the information, meaning he was probably already aware of your predicament and decided to come talk to you anyway, but he still takes a moment before speaking, thinking through his words as he watches you, shadows coming up to whisper in his ear.

“Did you make a vow of chastity or anything similar?” The question takes you aback for a second, heat rising to your cheeks at the implication.

“Not explicitly, no,” you clear your throat, “but it's hard to keep a relationship when you're bound to a temple hidden in the middle of nowhere. I can't even walk past the first few steps.”

Azriel looks behind him at your words. If he took a few steps down, you wouldn't be able to follow him, a different set of wards keeping you within these grounds. When he meets your eyes once again, you add carefully, “This isn't a relationship worth pursuing when we both know it won't end up working.”

“I think I would like to decide that for myself,” he says as he takes a small step closer to you, “if you'll allow me.”

“What?”

“I would like to come visit you whenever I can, and get to know you. This… I don't think we should throw away a chance like this so lightly, not without at least giving it a try.” He closes most of the distance between you, raising up his hand and holding his palm up for you to take, “Even if it never becomes a romantic relationship, or if it ends up breaking both of our hearts, I don't want to be the person who didn't fight for something so special in fear of getting hurt.”

You watch his hand as you mull over his words. It's not as if he doesn't make sense in his argument, you're more than aware how downright stupid it is to throw away a mating bond when some people spend their whole lives searching for one, but you're scared, for both of your sakes. Letting your mate into your life, even without accepting the bond, knowing that there will come a time when you will want more from it than what you're capable of having would not simply hurt you both, but change both of your lives beyond recognition – it could even kill you. And yet, staring into his hopeful eyes every little reason why you should be turning him down, walking back into the temple and closing the door behind you, seems to escape your mind.

When his hand lowers slightly, wings drooping as well, possibly taking your hesitation as denial, your hand moves to hold his instinctively, surprising the both of you. You had been kidding yourself into thinking you could fight a bond like this. The smallest sign that your mate would leave and your body moved to keep him by your side. Your decision has been made. You can only hope the Gods will have mercy on you.

“I would like to get to know you too, Azriel,” you say, squeezing his hand in yours as a blinding smile takes over his devastatingly handsome face. “As long as the Goddess shows you the way to the temple, I don't see anything wrong with… talking.”

He lets his thumb run over the back of your hand before raising it to his lips, sending your heart into disarray as he leaves a soft kiss on your skin. A flush covers the tip of his ears, and you catch a flash of the silver string connecting the both of you.

“Then I promise to come see you as often as I can.” He lets your hands fall between you two, fingers still intertwined as you stare at each other like fools. You catch yourself after a moment, thanking the Mother for living in this isolated mountain for once so no one could witness this.

“Do you want to come in? You must be tired after your flight,” you invite, letting go of his hand, missing the warmth of his skin immediately.

His gaze drops to your hand before meeting yours once again and nodding, following you inside into the main hall he had been in before. It looked different in the light of day, his hazel eyes studying it once more.

“I didn't fly all the way here,” he starts, gaze still stuck on the stone covered walls, “I can travel through shadows, similarly to how most high fae can winnow.”

“Oh.” You watch as his shadows move lazily around him, coming up his legs. “Is that one of your shadowsinger abilities?”

“Yes.” You wanted to ask more, your earlier curiosity returning, but you find a conflicted expression when he meets your eyes, you can also feel it in your chest, and so you wait for him to decide if he wants to share it with you.

“I'm not high fae,” he admits.

“Right, the wings,” you let out, much too excitedly, as your eyes fall on the huge appendages on his back, “I've never met anyone with wings, and haven't even heard of featherless wings. I searched in the library for types of winged fae, but most of our collection is a bit outdated, and the Goddess was never too interested in those sorts of things so I couldn't find anything that fit your description.” Your mind finally catches up to your words then, eyes widening before falling to your hands as you play with your fingers, and add lamely, “I have a lot of time on my hands here, and I didn't think I'd see you again so…”

You dare a look at his face when his silence drags on too long, finding him watching you with a surprised expression, wide hazel eyes staring into your white ones. His shadows had crept up his neck once again - singing to him you suppose.

Azriel finally finds his words after another moment, your eyes not straying from his for a second, “I'm Illyrian,” he starts, studying your face carefully before continuing, “As far as I know, we're the only ones whose wings have no feathers.”

“Illyrian?”

“Have you heard of it?” He seems scared somehow, but you're not exactly sure why he would be. You try to remember where you've heard the word before, only taking you a moment to remember them as people who live in the mountains up in the north, and were part of the High Lord's army.

“Yes. I know they're people who live in the mountains, and fought in the war but I didn't even know you had wings,” you gesture to them, “I didn't get much of a chance to travel before I came to the temple, so I've never met any Illyrians.”

“That's all you've heard?” You nod slowly, eyebrows furrowing at his insistence. “Illyrians have an unfavorable reputation. The males train their whole lives to fight, and the females aren't regarded as much more than a means for procreation,” he explains further, “Some have started changing their ways, slowly, but most camps insist on their traditions, no matter how cruel. They- We just don't have a good reputation.”

You start understanding where he was getting at. Some fae had trouble opening their eyes to how the world was changing around them, choosing to remain willfully ignorant to the harm it brought those who were different from them, who they deemed as lesser. He was scared that, had you heard about whatever cruelty he's seen from his peers, you would judge him for it. You feel a little offended that he would think so lowly of you, but the truth is he doesn't know you at all, or you him.

“It's hard to outlive archaic traditions when we live for centuries. I wouldn't ever dream of passing judgment on an entire group of people for the beliefs some of its members insist on clinging onto,” you clasp your hands together behind your back, shrugging as you smile up at him, “and I might be biased, or even wrong, but I think you're very kind, Azriel. You came all the way here to help your friend, with no real proof that you'd find what you were looking for, and then you came back to ask permission to visit me, even when you thought I might not accept it. Cruel is the last word I'd use to describe you. I'd rather go with sweet.”

“Sweet?” He asks, a flush rising to his cheeks and a bashful smile finally erasing that conflicted expression off his face. “You think I'm sweet?” You hum in agreement, your grin growing so large it hurts your cheeks. “I'll have to let my mother know at last someone agrees with her.”

You let out a laugh, the image of a baby Azriel getting showered in praises from his mother entering your mind. You almost have trouble imagining him as a child, but you have no doubts he was more than sweet, adorable even, with his round cheeks and small wings.

“So…” You lean back on your heels, intertwining your hands behind your back. “Do you want me to show you around the temple?”

“I would love to,” he agrees with a blinding smile on his face.

[elrielffs]

I feel like any common reader whos read acotar, knows the next book will probably be elain/lucien/azriel... its common sense, I fear. Like before I got into the acotar fandom, I knew something was going on with elain and azriel and would've figured out that they would have something in the next book. The moment he gave her truthteller... I JUST KNEW. So the people who say "they dont make any sense" or "they dont have any buildup" PLEASE STOP FR BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY LACK READING COMPREHENSION.

Yes! It truly baffles me how some people can’t/refuse to see it. Like, I’m not against Elucien or Gwynriel because I don’t like the characters or the ships themselves——it’s because it’s OBVIOUSLY Elriel.

I don’t even think it’s a matter of opinion if I’m being honest. People can ship what they want but to say that Elriel isn’t a thing and the others are definitely happening? That’s what gets me cause no matter how they cherry pick or over explain scenes and compare “mate language” (which is dumb and has been disproven) there is nothing to support those other ships in the canon text.

Not to mention just the juicy potential that Elriel has—rejected mating bond, different couple dynamic, forbidden romance, choosing love over fate, fuck the gods type shit.

And it’s even further driven home by Gwynriel at least being a fully online thing—-no reader I have ever met that isn’t in online spaces expects or even thought of Gwynriel—they all think Elriel is next.

Before I came to fandom, I knew Elriel was next and still 100% believe it. I was surprised and flabbergasted by all the Gwynriel. Eluciens I can kinda understand cause they are mates but there’s also not one positive interaction the two have had, no prime material to work with as opposed to all the many many Elriel scenes.

Idk, it is just baffling, irritating, and I can’t wait til the Elriel book is finally announced and while the fandom rages, us Elriels can have inner peace.

[acealistair]

Cosette dynamics with the rest of the BG3 party members, under the cut bc it got long of course heheh

For those that read this I'd also love to hear about other people's Tavs and their dynamics!

Astarion:

FORBIDDEN MAGIC BUDDIES LET'S GO! (they enable each other horribly lol)

But in all seriousness Cosette honestly probably confuses Astarion quite a lot, I imagine he hasn't dealt with her brand of "purity" for a long time.

She keeps accidentally flirting with him, from her perspective in the effort to be kind and friendly towards him, but obviously that's not totally clear to Astarion.

I headcanon that at the party when he's talking about wanting to have "fun" and Cosette straight-up doesn't get it he's hit with a realization akin to "holy shit I can't do this." So nothing romantic is gonna happen between them, unless he makes some move I'm not expecting.

That being said, her kindness, particularly in taking the news he's a vampire spawn in stride (and letting him drink her blood of course), has earned her a soft spot in his heart, as loathe as he would be to admit it.

Cosette thinks Astarion is funny and exciting (in both his personality and circumstances) but also feels bad for him since he's clearly shown he's traumatized by his years as a spawn. However she's also fascinated by the logistics of vampires, of course.

Gale:

Oh you know they're on the exact same wavelength (weavelength?) when it comes to love of magic and knowledge. They hit it off instantly.

I like to think Gale was enamored with Cosette pretty early on, admiring her optimism, kindness, and passion. I imagine he was really surprised to have the first person he met after the nautiloid be just as enthusiastic about magic as he is.

I have a headcanon about him marveling at her when they find the secret lab of the "healer" in the blighted village, like he's never seen a person get so starry-eyed at a dusty, kinda gross basement filled with alchemy implements and he finds it incredibly endearing. I might write about it when I have a better grasp of his personality heheh

For Cosette, she thought of Gale as a friend right away, but her moment of truly falling for him was during the experiencing-the-Weave scene. It was magical in all senses of the word for her and it kinda hit her that "oh, he gets me" which cannot be said for the majority of people.

I do think Gale's currently a little pained with Cosette because he told her his whole story, including sharing his memory of the trauma, and then she turned around and proceeded to open a tome full of forbidden knowledge without care for the consequences oops lol. So I'll at least headcanon that he'll be trying to stop Cosette from falling down that slippery slope in the future.

Karlach:

Karlach's the newest companion for me so I don't know much about her yet (other than I love her) and therefore this'll be shorter, BUT

If it weren't for Gale and Wyll being there I do think a romance could have been possible for her and Cosette, but now not so much unless something surprising happens in-game.

As it stands I'm predicting a more sisterly relationship, with Karlach looking out for Cosette (not that nobody else does but I feel it'll be particularly strong with Karlach).

Cosette is low-key relieved to have someone even close to as cheerful as she is in the party honestly. She's so pleased to be able to have upbeat conversations with Karlach, even if they're not about magic or scholarly topics.

She's fascinated with Karlach's infernal engine though, of course, and is trying to learn all she can about it.

Cosette WILL give Karlach that hug she mentioned wanting if it's the last thing she does ;_;

Lae'zel:*

Really weirdly, Lae'zel likes Cosette quite a bit? Mostly because Cosette is respectful of her culture and allows Lae'zel to speak whenever they interact with other githyanki.

Cosette was a bit scared of Lae'zel at first but tried to keep a positive attitude. She was about to give up on becoming true friends with Lae'zel until she let slip that she's a scholar as much as she is a warrior, and then Cosette got REAL excited because they finally had something to bond over.

Cosette really wants to learn everything she can about githyanki culture so she takes any opportunity to ask Lae'zel about it, which Lae'zel sometimes acts like she thinks is annoying but I think secretly likes it heheh.

Shadowheart:*

I imagine Shadowheart is pretty exasperated with how blatantly naive Cosette tends to be but the fact that she was so chill with her worshipping Shar is incredibly important to her.

I think Shadowheart's kind of in the gang of "I'm gonna roll my eyes at a lot of stuff you do but I will protect you with my fucking life" along with Astarion and Lae'zel lmao

Cosette is taken aback sometimes with how prickly and sassy Shadowheart can get and worries that she doesn't like her much, but then Shadowheart will turn around and say that Cosette is a friend the likes of which she's never had before. So Cosette has come to the conclusion that Shadowheart doesn't mean a lot of the things she says when she's being especially sharp with her words. Bit of a "ur a softie aren't u shadowheart" meme lol

Wyll:

They're both warlocks and both from nobility so there's an inherent connection there.

Since they're both nobles, Cosette desperately wants to see him dance, especially if it's with her!

Wyll was surprised to learn how readily trusting Cosette is with higher magical beings (hags, devils, etc) so I imagine he had to readjust his initial view of her.

He does see that her heart is ultimately in the right place and there's something alluring about her innocence and cheer, but he's worried about her (probably rightly so lol). He's trying his best to steer her in what he believes is the right direction.

On Cosette's part, Wyll kinda embodies a childhood fantasy of a romance with a dashing hero (with a dark side, even!), so she does have a little crush on him.

Gale is currently winning in the romance department for Cosette but there's a little something going on with her and Wyll; we'll see where it goes!

*Extra notes on Lae'zel and Shadowheart:

I think these three make an interesting trio because I get the sense that both Lae'zel and Shadowheart are inexperienced in a lot of areas and are desperately trying to hide it. I know less about Shadowheart's whole backstory and whatnot than Lae'zel's so take it with a grain of salt, but if I'm right Cosette makes a neat foil to both of them bc she too is inexperienced but doesn't try to necessarily hide it. She's not trying to come off as intimidating, unlike the both of them -- Lae'zel with strength and aggression, Shadowheart with wit and disdain.

And then there's Lae'zel and Shadowheart's rivalry with each other, all the while warming up to Cosette, and Cosette being their mediator.

Also something to be said about all three of them being naive in different ways; Lae'zel with her (up until a certain point) unquestioning faith in Vlaakith, I'm guessing something is gonna come to light with Shadowheart and her faith in Shar, and then Cosette is just out here trusting everyone she meets at face value.

[cadybear420]

My Top 3 Worst Choices LIs (this list is subject to later change or expansion)

🏅Honorable Mentions:

Nick from HFTH: He got on my nerves for the first part of the book, but at least he became more tolerable later.

Everett/Yvette from SB: Copy-paste emotionally closed off LI with copy-paste backstory of being betrayed by a shitty ex. But I didn't completely hate them or find them terrible.

Julian/Julia from SB: I liked them but they clearly just existed to be a "backup" for just in case we don't like Everett/Yvette. You could have removed them from the story and nothing would change.

Will from TCATF: I liked him as a character, but him being into Dom was completely out of nowhere and they clearly only added it in to have a token mlm romance in the trilogy.

Rory from HSS:CA: I liked them well enough, but they felt very lackluster as a character compared to Ajay and Skye, and to OG HSS's LIs. The other LIs in these trilogies all have some form of personal growth arc, but Rory just seemed to fall short of that. There was also really no need for the entirety of Book 1's conflict to revolve around MC's forced crush on Rory.

Logan from ROD: Of all the LIs they could have made the "main LI", why him? Why not Colt? Cause I remember a hell of a lot more about Colt's relevance to the Mercy Park Crew than I do that of Logan's. But to be fair it has been a long time since I last played.

🥉Third Place:

Reagan from Surrender.

Reagan acting predatory to MC, texting her a photo of a riding crop and "Have you been a good girl or do I need to punish you" within 10 minutes after first meeting her sours the story and the character.

That plus the fact that MC suddenly wanting to be a sub is completely out of nowhere (and also hypocritical on behalf of the writers who claim it wouldn't make sense for MC to want to dom right away), making a scene that can be read as Reagan coercing MC into BDSM and being a sub. Which just goes against the whole point of MC's story revolving around escaping a toxic spouse.

🥈Second Place:

Kit from Untameable.

I'm in the unpopular opinion in that I don't find most customizable LIs to be completely devoid of personality. But Kit is the literal textbook definition of "personality devoid customizable LI". The childhood backstory for MC, Kit, and Austin is incredibly weak and I have no idea why MC would be so into Kit.

And the story does a terrible job of trying to convince me that Kit is a player too. There are like two scenes ever where Kit gets swarmed by gals/guys but from what I can tell, Kit doesn't really care much about hooking up with any of them. People call the story wlm-coded but honestly the "high stakes" and "forbidden romance" is just so forced, it doesn't even matter how gender-coded the story is cause it will be nonsensical even if you play as wlm.

🥇First Place:

Bastien from Wolf Bride.

It's not so much for possessiveness and kidnapper behavior and him being all "herp derp MC and I are magically bonded we must do breeding". I mean, don't get me wrong, I fucking hate seeing these kinds of LIs pushed on us so much, but it's kinda what I expected from this kind of book (I mean, look at that cover). So I could just give it an eyeroll and a "Ugh this is such a cliche Twilight/romance YA novel trope", and not dwell on it so much.

But what really made me hate him was accusing Morgan of betraying the pack to help Sayre, despite being witness to Morgan calling out Sayre's abuse of her. And they try to excuse it with "Oh this is just how wolves get when they're both fighting over the same mate" ok sure, Bastien's still an asshole tho. And sure Morgan did shitty stuff too but at least it was addressed and she got a redemption/atonement.

[missspringthyme]

March 4th, 2024

I did genuinely attempt to be ready to get to Maastricht early in the day to spend more time with former Italian roommate (FIR) but that obviously didn't happen. I am kinda glad though, because it takes 30 minutes to get to my faculty from her apartment and that would have been a pain to do multiple times in one day.

I met with my supervisor where we decided to do a fresh install of MATLAB because he said he remembers there being a checkbox I might need to tick. My laptop was still working on uninstalling when it was time for the lab meeting to start. He had another meeting at the same time, but walked me to mine because the room was different. I'm very grateful for that because I have no sense of direction and I find the building very confusing. It still takes me about 10 minutes to find my supervisor's office.

There were some familiar faces in the meeting, which I was happy about. Having to fiddle with my laptop every few minutes also gave me an outlet during the presentation. The PhD student presenting is also doing something with rhythms but her focus seems to be more on the default mode network. She's also using fMRI and eeg. Afterwards some of the other masters students were talking about how they think she and one of the other PhD students are hardcore flirting. This is at odds with the fact that one of the guys thinks he heard her say she has a boyfriend. Faulty information, a misreading of the situation, or a blossoming forbidden romance? Who's to say? I was able to contribute that I heard them talking about getting drinks later today. Suspicious, no?

FIR tried to meet me at the bus stop near her house, but my bus arrived sooner than she thought so I ended up wandering around with offline google maps while she stood at the bus stop. Eventually she spotted me and we headed inside. The first thing I did was set up my laptop to start downloading MATLAB and chatted a little. She made dinner, a spinach dish that I had loved before. She complained about her roommates a lot which I thought was pretty bold considering they were all in the house. They're all Italian, so it was like I stepped into a little Italian outpost in the middle of the Netherlands. I haven't met that many Italians at uni, but as soon as you know one person of a specific nationality you generally find out that people with similar backgrounds tend to flock to eachother. FIR didn't start out intending for a 100% italian household, but these things happen.

There were (of course) several bottles of wine in the kitchen. One immediately caught my eye due to the label's incredible graphic design. It has, what I presume to be, a drawing of Zeus/Jupiter staring angrily ahead with the words "ROMAGNA DOP SANGIOVESE SUPERIORE RISERVA 2020" on it in what i can only describe as a microsoft word style font. I made FIR take a photo of me with the bottle.

After dinner, we went into town to get some dessert. She suggested an Irish pub nearby that had some sticky toffee she wanted to try. They didn't have any when we got there, but they did have some sort of creme brulee dish. I paid as a thank you for hosting me, and got myself a ginger beer. She decided to try ginger ale because she's not the biggest fan of ginger but was curious, and ended up not minding it.

The dessert was interesting. It came in a bowl with the sugar topping snapped and crumbled on top. There was also fruits mixed it, I think maybe oranges and something else? Not sure. Everytime I felt I had decided if I liked it or not I would take another bite that would change my opinion.

Afterward, we went to this jazz club to hear live music. The band was incredible, and it was packed. We leaned against the windows in the back in front of a table with chairs that had long since been squeezed around other tables. While we listened, we spotted cards that had been left on every table that were "never have I ever." Armed with Google translate, we played, and I very quickly lost. This was just in time for the band to start playing Freedom '90, and everyone started going insane. We danced and sang along, and I tried to get at least one video of FIR dancing because she always takes photos of other people.

As we were leaving, FIR spotted her roommate walking with a girl she very excitedly told me was also American. The girl was from New York, buti could've guessed that without being told. Truly she emobided every single negative stereotype about New Yorkers, but I tried my best to be nice. I think FIR was expecting us to be instant besties, and seemed a little taken aback when that did not happen. Ah well.

As we walked back, we talked about school systems and how the only reason I am a grade ahead of FIR is because I did the America system. She doesn't like it when I talk about being older because we were born in the same year. We are only the same age for 2 and a half months out of the year. I did tell her, though, that the reason my parents decided not to put me in Japanese school was because they would have sorted me in the year below. I guess being a spring baby just means that everybody wants you in their class.

[coffee-with-mint-syrup]

@phoebester I hope you don't mind me replying to you like that, I kinda have a lot to say and I'm not good with conciseness to do that in comment section.

Just look what that damned netflix did to me:

This is what I'm doing with my time now.

So the guy in the video actually talks a lot about that specific quote you cited and the thing is - it's so condescending and vague and quite applicable to every single ship there is in the world. It just confirms that creators haven't really think about Zutara OR Kataang all that seriously. I don't know, maybe they just weren't that interested in any romance cause the only couple that actually works more or less is Sokka and Suki (in my personal opinion). The thing between Kataang and Zutara isn't just that one ship is canon and the other is not and some shippers got angry, it's that it was a series of misdirections the writing of the show took (specifically bryke and dimartino) and

and instead of acknowledge it or trying to fix it in, let's say, comics or at least respect fans that ship zutara - they openly mock them. I don't know if you know this - I learned it just today - there was a "joke video", made by bryke and dimartino, called "avatar book 4: air" about "forbidden love" between zuko and katara, showing how they wouldn't work as a pair and designed specifically to mock zutara fans (don't go there, it's really bad). Like - what type of creators would do that? What the actual hell?

That was news to me, so I'm kinda still enraged by it and almost lose all the respect I had for these guys (it's terrifying how one shitty joke crosses out all the actually great work they've done).

Point being they showed on multiple occasions how short their creative vision is when it comes to their own original endgame pairing.

They underdeveloped their endgame couple and they shipbaited Zutara so much that it accidentally made much more sense than canon and got mad at fans for it.

And there is just 3 options for netflix version to handle it - they can either fix Kataang so it wouldn't have same issues they had in the original or risk it and go in the completely opposite direction. And of course to abandon all ships at once. I don't think they know themselves what they're gonna do. I just hope they won't do something "just because it was in the original" cause contrary to the popular opinion - the original show is great but it is not perfect. Well, they kinda showed that they are able to male some bold changes - I think they were bold changes - for better or worse...

Back to the point, I've also noticed "the looks"TM but I actually didn't think of them that much. Aang and Katara always shared a special bond which is much more complex than being just romantic. She also calls him a family in the ocean godzilla scene so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. It wasn't filmed any more dramatically than any similar inspiring/"please consider your actions" speech from any other movie, series or even anime. Scene at the dinner too - no weird angles, slow motions, score changes, just a little bit prolonged sequence meant to establish the bond, I think. Unlike the certain scarf scene ;D

(I've been clowned by too many ships at this point to pay much attention to "the looks"TM)

I don't know why I'm keep doing it - it's like I'm deliberately setting my hopes high. The pure clownery I'll experience after it will turn out they were just shipbaiting will be devastating but here I am. Writing essays on how zutara still stands a chance and convincing myself and some innocent zutarians. To cite one zutara fan that reblogged my previous post: It's delulu time!

I agree with you that it was never Katara for Aang, It should have never been Katara. That's one of the biggest arguments that drew me to Zutara initially - that it made so much sense for Aang to let go of his feelings towards her like Guru said. Aang's not ending up with Katara would make as much sense as finishing Zuko and Katara's intertwined arcs as "yin and yang", "the moon and the sun" couple.

It's sucks that creators got too blinded with the initial idea they came up with and weren't able neither to let go of it nor to develope it properly. And that was the reason Katara and Aang got together - because they were just supposed to from the very start. Writers should be able to see their creation critically and unbiassedly to see the mistakes they're about to make and Bryke and DiMartino certainly failed to do that.

I thought the events of past, idk, 10 years taught us something about creators and writers being wrong about their own creations - but apparently that's not the case for those people.

But what do I - the delulu Zutara fan - know?

The case of live-action atla zutara.

First of all, the scarf scene. I won't be repeating myself, here are some main points - there was absolutely no reason for Zuko to act the way he did and for the scene to be shot this dramatically. Even if they did the shipbaiting in this scene - it means there's a ship which is much more than live-action kataang has at this point. Also I don't really think these guys are shipbaiting type but that's just the impression I got.

Then - the second obvious one - Oma and Shu's visuals. We have star-crossed lovers from two towns at war, basically the local equivalent of Romeo and Juliet (as in legendary lovers who are known above all for their love) wearing coincidentally colors that are primarily associated with two of our characters (who shared this dramatically shot scene in the previous episode).

And I know, it may seem so insignificant - but but but but! - you have to think about this. Of course there are creators, writers and showrunners that are unaware of some non-canon ships or don't care about them. But it's not the case for atla. No, creators of atla were so aware of zutara - they wrote a parody scene in a in-world trashy play to mock this fan pairing and it still proved absolutely nothing and just gave zutara more content. The creators and writers of this adaptation clearly had the discussion "what we should do with kataang" - because there is no trace of kataang in the 1st season. So it was a conscious decision to omit that - but where would the romantic subplot go? Well, I don't know, but they are showrunners, they most certainly discussed options. They are clearly very, very, very much aware of zutara. And they still do this? They still show us Oma and Shu wearing red and blue? All they had to do is to give at least one of them any different color. Any. But they didn't. (for fuck sake, it is the Earth Kingdom - yellow and green would do it)

There were zero, no, nada Kataang interactions, implications or those scenes that are filmed just a little bit too dramatically like the scarf one. I don't know, there's still a chance that they will wait for season 3 to make Aang's crush on Katara happen. I'm also not so sure what will happen to Aang failing to open seventh chakra, I mean - his love for Katara has a huge purpose in series, so it still doesn't look very good. But you can't even imagine how glad I am that they didn't do this secret tunnel thing. It was very uncomfortable.

So it was the more fact-based part of my case, let's get to the irrational, almost delusional part, tin foil hat probably needed.

Almost all the scenes Zuko and Katara shared in the first season kept reminding me of another famous enemies-to-lovers ship that actually became canon in the infamous final episode - Reylo, the way it was filmed in The Force Awakens. I mean - the first fight in the woods where she looses, the intensity of him staring at her, the final fight in snowy location where she kicks his ass and shows her mastering this superpower, him trying to talk to her during this fight and mentioning her learning/having to learn...Zuko calling Katara a peasant reminded me of this "Rey is no one" discourse. I don't know man, I haven't thought about The Force Awakens reylo for a very long time and it just kept popping in my head.

All of this - it's like a blueprint for enemies to lovers.

Also I actually think that the look they shared in the 2nd episode was also shot kinda weirdly and dramatically. It's not to the extent of the scarf scene but I do remember thinking that "why did they film it they way? it's too intense".

In the conclusion I'd like to say that as much as I like all the season 1 zutara stuff they left out in the adaptation - necklace subplot and implications, pirates and the famous "You rise with the moon, I rise with the sun" - I think I actually prefer the scarf scene. Yes, it would be so great to see those things in adaptation but in the end of the day they would still be just the things they kept from the original and probably noting more. Like the cabbages or the secret tunnel song or anything else, just things from the source material that implicate nothing. While the scarf scene, the Oma and Shu's clothes - it means they made a conscious decision to make it that way. It means they put some thought into that and some meaning. And this gives me hope there's a chance for Zutara in this adaptation.

P.S. I told about this my sister who hasn't watch the series yet and she said "I think people who made this show are just shipping zutara in secret". I do not necessarily imply she might be right - but creators of animated series (the very same people that made kataang canon, not zutara) DID leave because of some creative differences and because they couldn't control creative decision. Might as well be THAT kind of decision.

[petalstem]

odd numbers for the old school wc ask game!

OAUGH thank you :3

1. What color is Scourge’s collar?

Purple! I don't care as much as I did in Ye Olden Days BUT I just like how it looks most

3. Should Hollyleaf have had a power?

Yes and no, why she got left out when there was supposed to be three anyways makes no sense in the like, in-universe sense, and I hate how the Erins claim she didn't get a power because they "couldn't think of one", but narrative she's more interesting without

5. Favorite forbidden romance

Anything that's not GreySilver or TigerDove thanks

7. Realistic or sparkle designs for roleplay?

Childhood me would have said realism 100% (Not that I ever drew my OCs with realism LMAO), current me says sparklecats. God knows my favorite cat OCs are cherry red and pink respectively

9. Favorite crack ship (ex. revengeshipping)

Ehhh not really sure. I've never been into shipping that much in the first place, so I've got nothing I really care that much about.

11. Favorite amv prior to 2014?

I honestly didn't watch many AMVs as a kid so instead of an AMV my answer is "anything mama tad made"

13. Rank the clans (excluding SkyClan, including BloodClan)

ShadowClan 2. RiverClan 3. ThunderClan 4. WindClan 5. BloodClan. ShadowClan is the most interesting and BloodClan makes me too angry at how the books literally end with "Our religion is what makes us moral" to rank any higher than dead last

15. Daisy: yay or nay?

I have literally never thought about Daisy in my life. Nay

17. What would your warrior name be and what clan would you belong to?

Magpieheart, ShadowClan. Unfortunately they're not really a sona anymore because I ended up projecting too hard onto Petalstem and Wildcry so RIP to my Warriorsona

19. Did you name/want to name a pet after a character?

Almost, kinda. I wanted to name my cat "Willow", less after a specific character and more that I just really liked Willow- as a prefix, but when I got her I just felt like it didn't fit, so I ended up going with Delilah instead. However she cameos as a warrior cat OC of mine as Ivysong

[dangermousie]

All the interesting cdramas rumored to come out before the end of the year

I have seen all these rumored. This being c-ent, they can all air or none, but I hope at least some of them make it.

Back from the Brink - rumored for Q4 for this year. I loved every adaptation of this author’s novels and the plot sounds amazing. Plus, very fond of Zhou Ye, so pls.

Chong Zi - Journey of Flower for the new decade. Jeremy Tsui is hot, I adore Yang Chaoye however unpopular that opinion is, and the angsty shizunfucker set up is up my alley. It’s got its license but most of the rumors I’ve seen say early next year so probably not this year alas.

Da Ming Under the Microscope - got its license, rumored for 2022, all hail the one interesting non-romance costume drama on this list!

Divine Destiny - Angelababy plays a stone. Yes, yes, I can make the same jokes. The trailer is kinda cheesy and cheap-looking but I have an unaccountable fondness for both Baby and her leading man Ma Tianyu, who should be more popular than he is, so here is hoping.

Forbidden Love - all sorts of rumors are saying beginning of November, they got their license and have been releasing some promos, so I think this has a decent chance. It would also make sense to release it ASAP to take advantage of Dylan’s newfound red hot status but I am not a studio boss so what do I know?

Legend of Anle - got its license, released a trailer and is rumored for end of year. I’d say decent chance, but then some dramas have that same trifecta of things and we are still waiting for them so...but please?

The Longest Promise - bwahahaha Xiao Zhan dramas always take an eternity to air. It was rumored to be a summer drama and now we are in October and it still doesn’t have a license. I wouldn’t hold my breath. Also, I am amused how it and Chong Zi are both story AND poster twins.

Love When the Stars Fall - I still remember when it was listed as one of the summer dramas so I am vvvvvv. skeptical especially if rumors of them wanting a TV license is true. Trailer is so so but I am very fond of Chen Xing Xu who deserves better dramas.

New Life Begins - got its license, released a trailer blah blah has all the hallmarks of being released soon, too bad I hated the trailer so. Also, what is the chicken fixation?

Romance of a Twin Flower - I’ve seen that rumor and I wish I hadn’t because everything I’ve seen of this drama makes it a pastel abomination turning my favorite non-danmei - smart and dark and very much adult - web novel into a cheap, dumb piece of trash. I am much more interested in the other DYX drama - Love You Seven Times - but no rumors for that.

Song of the Moon - I still remember when it was rumored for January 2022. Now it’s being rumored again, though this time it definitely has a license. We shall see.

Till the End of the Moon - just got its license, rumored for December. PLEASEEEEEE! It’s my most anticipated on this list.

Warm on a Cold Night - that poster and the plot both give me hives and LYT alternates between awesome dramas and terrible ones - but here is hoping. It just got its license.

ETA: I take it back about that poster. After pulling a poster after poster of identical couple poses, this looks downright refreshing.

BONUS AKA DRAMAS I AM NOT INTERESTED IN

She and Her Perfect Husband and Lighter and Princess are both rumored for October 28. The former looks like brain dead fluff and the latter the same with added bonus of leading lady still only possessing one emotion on her face - like smelling something rotten - same as in Fall in Love.

I’ve also seen rumors of Bright Future, but much as I like Hu Ge, I don’t do communist propaganda, having imbibed enough of it during my childhood to last a lifetime.

[allronix]

Carth and Force Sensitivity (crossposted from Reddit r/kotor)

This is for @k-she-rambles:

Okay, so while we're shooting the bantha crap over on KOTOR fan theories, u/134340Goat mentioned my all time favorite "Have you been chewing spice?!" fan theory when it comes to KOTOR: Is Carth Force Sensitive?

So this one starts with a story. I mentioned my brother in law, who is pretty much Keeper of the Jedi Archives. Seriously, he's an English teacher and my sister is a librarian. They met at a sci fi convention and their first date was Phantom Menace. We're taking not just geeks, but geeks who can throw the damn bookshelf at you. Brother in law bought KOTOR on the day it launched and turned it into a week long binge watch at his house. And because brother in law is that kind of geek, he's translating the characters into the West End D6 system. I'm watching him do a playthrough, and he's got Canderous and Zaalbar at Ajunta Pal's tomb.

Allronix: Huh. That's odd. Why aren't commenting on anything when Ajunta is speaking?

Bro in law: Oh. They can't even see Ajunta. You have to be Force Sensitive to see a Force Ghost The stronger your Sensitivity, the better you can see it.

Allronix: Really? Then how come Carth can see it?

Bro in law (gets the "holy shit, I gotta confirm this" look): Really?! He just sees something out the corner of his eye or something?

Allronix: No, he sees Ajunta just fine. Understands what the dude's saying too.

Bro in law instantly rolls back to his last save, swaps Zaalbar for Carth, and sees the bit in question.

Bro in law: Oh. Dear. (Goes over to make some quick scribbles on Carth's character sheet)

Okay, so maybe that was a lore fail. I didn't really think about it too much until I hit that False Level Up glitch and ran around with Carth and Mission as Sentinels. Now, while I couldn't really see Mission as a Sensitive, that little bit with my bro in law nagged at me. And became a "once you see it you can't unsee it." Apologies to TV Tropes, where some of these were my additions to the Wild Mass Guess entry on this topic.

Any one of these on its own is pretty easy to blow off. After all, man is career military, and knows All this Shit is Weird. I also like to think of Sensitivity as a spectrum and not a switch. If all life is connected by the Force, then all life would be Sensitive to some degree or another. It’s just a matter of to what degree. It’s only as the list gets longer and longer does the case start looking damning...

What are the odds of surviving that attack on the Endar Spire, getting to the escape pods, sharing the last escape pod with the mindwiped Sith Lord, piloting through the chaos, landing in what passes for the "good" part of town, remaining uninjured, pulling the badly injured mindwiped Sith Lord from the wreck, evading Sith detection while all this is going on, and just happening to find a dump of an apartment where the landlord's not asking questions? That is one amazing string of coincidences and good luck. Get that many in Star Wars, and it's definitely The Force sticking its nose in things.

Piloting the escape pod to land in the Upper City, piloting the Hawk through the Sith Blockade of Taris, the random Sith patrols, the escape from the Leviathan, and the fleet around Lehon along with the crash landing that left the ship easily repairable. Now, compare to Atton who we know to be an excellent pilot and drawing on The Force who still manages to crash the ship at least three times.

He's a scary good judge of character if you're interacting with other NPCs. If you watch him with other NPC characters, he's got a pretty good compass as to which characters are being helpful and which ones are full of shit. The only one he calls incorrectly is Rukil, who is probably also an untrained Sensitive (the age, the "marked" comments) and half senile, which is probably throwing him.

Related to that, his distrust and wariness about something not adding up with the PC, the Jedi Council feeding the party a line of bull, that things just aren't adding up. And on all of it? Dead on. He's 100% right about the Player Character, he just expected something a little less crazy than "that's Darth freaking Revan."

If you play Female Revan, then Carth's the one who gets fried in the torture cages on the Leviathan. Saul comments how strange it is that Carth takes so much punishment and still remains conscious. Now, this is a low level thing, but in lore, Force Sensitives have drawn on it to keep them alive or conscious under duress. Explicitly, the first sign we got that Leia was a Sensitive when she withstood the Imperial torture droid.

Another of his scary ass judge of character feats? In the comics, Zayne (who is on the run from the Jedi, who framed him for the murder of his classmates) has a vision that Mandalorians are coming for Serroco. Saul? Laughs it off, throws Zayne in the brig. Zayne's own friends don't even believe him. Carth gets one of those creepy hunches and starts calling in "duck and cover" sirens as far as he can broadcast, which sends seventeen cities and millions of people heading for shelter. It saves their lives and Carth is called a hero for it. Armed with another hunch, he disobeys Saul (remember this is before Saul nukes Telos) and lets Zayne "escape" from custody. Mind you, not even the Jedi or his party members believed Zayne. Carth did.

Carth makes a lot of creepy weird offhand predictions about the future. He says he knows on some level he'll be there when Saul dies. That certainly pans out. He makes an offhand prediction that the Jedi have set the party up to take a fall. Right again. He tells a female PC that she'll have to make a choice soon, one she can't walk away from. And then we get the temple top. He even blurts out that "I sensed you would have to make a choice soon, and that was it*, I can feel it!"* If you specify a LS Female Revan, his recording for T3-M4 says he's had a hunch Revan would leave without warning. Again, spot on.

Specify a LS male Revan, and Carth will remark to Bastila that seeing the Exile reminds him "there are worse things to lose." The only other people who can see just how screwed up the Exile is are the Jedi Masters, Chodo Habat, and the Force Sensitive party members.

Specify a LS female Revan, and Carth will insist that he would know if Revan were dead (again, scary ass intuition) and that there's an "emptiness" where she used to be. Now, remember one of the things about a broken Force Bond? It would simply be "empty, a wound."

You know how your party members in KOTOR 2 feel upset or even horrified as they realize they feel compelled to protect Exile and can't being themselves to leave, even when said actions are kicking puppies? And how they swing wildly from being crazy, almost stalker level possessive of them to being scared out of their wits and clamming up when you try to pry anything out of them? And the more potent (and untapped) their Force Sensitivity, the more they get hammered with the effect? (Mira and Atton in particular) Yeah. Now, Carth's "I don't wanna talk" looks a bit different, doesn't it? It could also account for that romance arc, especially if you roll a DSF Revan and go for that "everyone dies" ending.

Again, Ajunta Pal. Seeing a Force Ghost? Yeah. Some degree of Sensitivity needed. Understanding what he's saying? Yeah. Takes a bit more than that. And Carth makes a weirdly insightful comment about the Dark Side on top of it.

Notice that this a wall o text argument already, and I'm now just getting to the "Yeah, his kid is able to throw around mid-level Dark Side powers and packing a red lightsaber." Given the jawline and the muleheaded attitude, no way Morgana was fooling around with the pizza delivery boy. That's definitely Carth's kid, and that's definitely Force Sensitivity. Now, while it can skip a generation (see Theron Shan), it tends to run pretty heavy in families.

Lastly? Gee. He comes from a planet settled by and heavily populated by descendants of Force Sensitives who failed their training. I'm also willing to bet some bastard children of Jedi get passed off as "foundlings" and "orphans" and dumped there, too. Jedi are forbidden attachments, but not sworn to celibacy, so...yeah, bastard kids are gonna happen. There's probably a Jedi or two in that family tree. It's circumstantial evidence at best, but it still supports the case.

Now, any arguments I missed? Counterarguments?

And the million credit question: If there's a character who gets to break this news to poor Flyboy, who do you think would actually take that on? How do you think Carth would take that kind of news? And what, if anything, would come of it?

I kinda figure Jolee might be the only one nuts enough to poke that with a stick...I also kinda figure "Sentinel" would fit best. Consular? Hell no. He hired Mical for that. Guardian works with the feats, but the whole "ferreting out deceit and injustice?" Yeah. That's Carth.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Serenade (Daniela Dimitrescu/Reader) Pt. 2

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Pairing: Daniela Dimitrescu/Reader Rating: T for language and blood + references to violence Warning: Lil bit of kisses with dubious consent (initial surprise, then “hmm this is nice, I guess”), as well as a tiny bit of blood. Oh, and, ya know, mild referenced cannibalism. Notes: Still no beta reader, we die like innocent chickens unfortunate enough to be in Ethan Winters’ way. Also, I’m hoping this isn’t too ramble-y, I kinda. Got excited. Maybe sorta stayed up late to write this instead of sleeping, so... PS sorry for the cliffhanger, I could not resist. Next chapter will include the reader earning their PHD in Bullshittery, while also moving us into the, like, actual central plot of Serenade (or at least the part that the romance revolves around). Previous Chapters: Pt. 1: Nocturne

Chapter 2: Overture

     By the time you made it back to the maidens' quarters, it was nearly half an hour after your "shift" officially ended. Daniela hadn't taken up that much of your time, but her words had instilled a vigorous sense of anxiety in you, which had only drawn out your remaining tasks. You also weren't terribly looking forward to being interrogated by your coworkers. What would you even say? "Oh yeah, I accidentally played a note on the forbidden piano but instead of killing me, Lady Daniela just flirted with me and let me go! Haha smiley face emoji!"

     Yeah, that would definitely go over great with the others. Maybe you could get away with pretending you hadn't been the one to play? Even though, you know, your daily duties were posted on the same wall as everyone else's, and anyone could see that you were the only person working in the music room today. Damnit, you think, everyone is always a bit tense when someone "gets off easy". Not that it happened terribly often. It simply made people nervous, considering they never knew if the Ladies of the house had been denied the "stress relief" they so desired, and whether or not they would want to take it out on someone else.

     Hoping things would sail a little smoother this time, you took a deep breath and pushed the door to your quarters open. As soon as you stepped in you felt a dozen pairs of eyes turn your way. There had been muffled talking as you approached, but now it was silent, a heavy curtain of discomfort hanging over the room. Well, fuck, you thought, struggling to think of how to react. In the end you settled with a slightly-too-enthusiastic wave and a shy smile.

     “What the hell is wrong with you?” One of the maidens asks, almost instantly, eyes narrowed and eyebrows furrowed with confusion. If you remembered correctly, her name was Cynthia, and she was one of the (currently) longest running survivors. The two of you hadn’t spoken before, which made her next move all the more confusing. Without much of a warning she moved in front of you, reaching out to grab your hands, before gently holding them in front of her chest. When she speaks, it’s with a hushed voice. “How are you not dead right now?”

     “I… have absolutely no idea,” you replied, doing what you could to avoid her gaze, but ending up meeting eyes with the others in the room.

     “When you didn’t get back with everyone else… we assumed the worst,” Daphne, the closest thing you had to a best friend, said. She was towards the front of the small crowd of maidens, all of whom were now gathering around you out of curiosity. “You’re probably just lucky that Lady Dimitrescu wasn’t home while you played, otherwise, well, I think we can all guess what would have happened.”

     “Thank the Mother for that, literally,” Cynthia chimed, dropping your hands as she did. That caught your interest for sure. Despite being part of an eccentric “extended family”, it wasn’t that often that Lady Dimitrescu actually left the castle to visit the other Lords; or their leader, for that matter. Was something big coming? Or was it simply time for a regular check up? You didn’t have time to ponder that thought, as soon Cynthia was speaking again. “Now, please, regale us with your story, dear. It must certainly be interesting… seeing as you escaped unscathed.”

     “Alright, alright,” you said, putting your hands up in a “slow down” motion. Sighing, you moved over to your bed, sitting on the edge, before starting to tell the others what happened. You left out a few details, such as the severity of Daniela’s flirting, as well as the way she touched you. By the time you reached the end of your story, the other maidens had settled in a semi circle around you. A few had started to get ready for the day shift while you spoke, but their movements were deliberately slow, and their gasps let you know they were definitely listening. It was, however, difficult to tell how anyone really felt about what you were saying. Were they looking worried because they were concerned for your safety, or for their own?

     Hard to say. All you knew at the end of night was that no one was looking forward to the following night.

------------------------------------------------

     Every shadow in the corner of your eyes makes your heart skip a beat. All day (night, technically) you’ve been overly paranoid, expecting Daniela or one of her sisters to pop out at any moment, their sickles raised, blood-stained lips pulled up into a grin, promises of violence dripping from their mouths. So far your anxiety had proven irrational. Experience, on the other hand, was reverse-reassuring you with memories of maidens you had hardly had time to get to know. Who were you to avoid such a fate? Could playing a little song really justify your existence to these people? These mutants?

     Distracting thoughts like that swirled around your mind for hours, leaving you feeling faint and dizzy, as you desperately tried to focus on your work. Ironically, it was your tunnel vision on your worries that brought them to life.

     “Humph, you should really pay more attention, sweet thing,” a voice whispers, right besides your ear. Immediately you jump, a little yelp escaping you, and whirl around to see who had crept up on you. Your wide open eyes soon settled on the youngest Dimitrescu daughter. A toothy grin lit up her face as she took you in, leaning in just close enough for you to feel her breath. “Missed me?” She asks, words melting into a fit of giggles. One moment she’s face to face with you, the next she’s evaporating into a swarm of insects, moving around the room with frightening speed before settling on a nearby table. Both her legs dangle off the edge, swinging a little in a childlike manner.

     “Lady Daniela, I-” you stutter, hardly able to will yourself to speak. You can’t help but glance at the table with a feeling of anxiety, knowing that you had just finished cleaning it, and wonder if your work would be for naught. But it seems that Daniela doesn’t appreciate you focusing on something other than her. Again she buzzes into a cloud, this time coming closer to you, the insects circling you, occasionally tugging at your skin. Fight or flight tries to kick in, yet all you manage to do is freeze in place.

     You don’t open your eyes until the sound of hundreds of wings beating dies down. Fresh drops of blood trickle down your brow, as well a few from smaller cuts on your arms. Panic still roots you in place, even as you stare up at Daniela with a frightened expression. At first all she does is laugh. Loudly, with no softness to it at all. This was exactly the sort of thing that you had been afraid of in the first place.

     “Oh, you poor little thing… Did that hurt?” Daniela asks, trailing a hand up your arm, pausing just before her fingers touch blood. Then she leans in, once more putting her lips right next to your ear, slowly pulling off one of her gloves as she does. “Good. Maybe you’ll pay more attention to me now. You really should, being in love with me and all.” She says it so casually, and with such conviction, that you almost wonder if she knew something that you didn’t. Though you try to turn to look at you, you find her gloved hand holding your head in place. The other moves so slowly that you almost don’t notice it until her thumb is sliding across your forehead. Blood smears as she does this, but she doesn’t bother trying to be neat about it.

     Instead she simply brings the finger back towards herself, her other hand turning your face as she does, so that you could make eye contact as she licks her thumb clean. As soon as the blood hits her tongue her eyelids flutter and a soft moan rises in her throat. Astoundedly the sound brought a strong blush to your cheeks. It was less about attraction per se, more about the inherently intimate nature of the moment. Daniela was so close, her hand resting on the back of your head, her eyes slowly returning their focus to you. When she sees you she can’t help but don a prideful grin.

     “You taste even better than I expected, sweet thing- what a fitting nickname, mhmm?” Another giggle, another rush of blood to your cheeks. In the rush of the moment you found your fear fading out, slowly, gradually being replaced by a mix of confusion and… warmth? What is wrong with me, you think, mind racing with countless half-thoughts.

     Suddenly, as quick as the strongest of impulses, you found yourself being pulled closer to Daniela, her bare hand moving to rest on your waist. For once her eyes left your own. Now they drifted lower, to your lips, giving you a single moment to realize her intentions before she acts on them. Your lips collide with hers before you can even think to protest. It’s a million times softer than you would have ever imagined- not that you had imagined. But now that you had felt this… damnit, you know you shouldn’t enjoy it, yet you found yourself kissing back nonetheless. It wasn’t like it meant anything, right? Not like you’d have a chance to kiss anyone else around the castle, either.

     Within a couple moments you realize two things: One, Daniela was smiling into the kiss. Two, by Jove (by Miranda?) was she seemingly inexperienced. Based on how much flirting she had done, you had naturally assumed that she was in no way, shape, or form new to this. The kiss was a bit sloppy, although passionate, and Daniela seemed quick to mimic your movements. More than that, it seemed like she was unable to catch her breath (did she even need to breathe? Or were the movements more out of habit than anything else?). By the time she pulls away she needs to gasp, and you’re left absolutely reeling, unsure how to process any of this. On the other hand, Daniela was softly grinning, gently resting her forehead against your own.

     “Delectable, darling,” she murmurs. There’s a softness to her voice that you simply cannot fathom is real, at least not entirely so. Then a pause, with her gently running her fingers through your hair, before she gives you one more little peck on the lips. When she pulls away, just far enough to really look at you, you see something in her eyes that fills you with dread: Hunger. “I think I know what you want, what you need. You want to be with me, forever, a part of me, don’t you? They always do, in the end…” Her eyes shift to your neck, and suddenly her grip on you is dangerously tight.

     Instantly you shift into panic mode, trying to squirm out of her grasp to no avail. This seems to irritate Daniela, who digs her nails into your waist, making you gasp. Without hesitation she seizes the opportunity to push you against the nearest wall, the hand that had caressed you so gently now pinning you down. Your thoughts are racing, desperately searching for anything that might buy you some time to get away, or even dissuade her entirely. But seconds tick by with nothing coming to light, your hope quickly fading. Gulping, you squeeze your eyes shut, ready to accept your fate.

     And then… it hits you. An idea, maybe, that might just be stupid enough to work. Here goes nothing…

     “Wait! Don’t you want me to show you my love?” You ask, somehow managing to mask the pure terror you were feeling. Hell, you slipped in a bit of confidence, sounding far, far more sure of yourself than you really were. Apparently it was enough to give Daniela pause. Her teeth had been mere inches from your neck, but now she was watching you closely, head tilted at a slight angle. “I can hardly do that if you kill me so soon, love. Don’t you want to see everything I have to offer? To know me truly, fully, before we become as one?” Another pause, a little hum from Daniela, then a slow, spine-chilling smile.

      “Go on, then… show me.”

[literaila]

crumbling feelings

spencer x reader 

summary: falling so hard. falling too hard. 

warnings: mentions of fighting, earthquake (?) refernences, they’re both idiots, kinda sad, kinda cute. 

a/n: okay so i got the urge and i was like ‘ huh i should write something short and sweet and then go to bed ‘ and then i was like ‘hahahahah no.’ sooooooo yeah. sorry if it sucks. im reallly tired and shouldnt be posting this. 

*

The earth was crumbling under their feet. 

You hear about ‘earth-shattering’ things. You hear about the kiss that matched no other, gave you butterflies down to your stomach until suddenly there were no words left to describe that feeling you got from those lips that shared secrets. You hear about that moment when you realize you love someone, when you finally figure it out. You hear about how everything changes at that moment, how everything just suddenly felt different. You hear about ‘love at first sight’ about that one glance that changed everything, about those eyes that told stories like no other.

There are so many ‘earth-shattering’ things, so many little things that can flip your world upside down and then change everything in a second that doesn't seem to feel all that long. 

There were just too many things, too many ways to classify the idea that your world was changing, so many things made up just to make people feel so much safer about change. So many made-up ideas that were only there to make the world seem a little bit less scary, to make change something that you weren't supposed to fear. 

But, when the world was crumbling under your feet. When the cracks in the earth wouldn't stop hitting the soles of your shoes, and you could feel yourself shaking while you tried to keep your eyes off of the ground. That was what made the change so scary. That was what made every other ‘earth-shattering’ thing seem so idealistic. So fake. 

She was afraid, so afraid that if she looked down, she would see the sky beneath her feet. 

There were no words to classify this moment, no words that she could think of that could explain the pure fire that was shaking her bones. Making her feel like she wasn't even really there. 

There were no words to classify the past few months, the days that went by when she could feel the earth shake for a second, when the earth was caught off balance and suddenly there was another crack underneath her feet. 

A couple years ago, she’d shared one of those ‘earth-shattering’ moments, one of those days that she thought should be in all the romance novels. She’d been a part of one of those movies, shared that kiss that was beyond anything else. That was something else she could describe. 

And weeks after that, she had another one. Another moment that made her knees want to collapse under her, a moment that made her feel so much different than she ever thought she would, she had one of those moments that she could barely think of without worrying that she would faint because all of the sudden she couldn't breathe. She’d been a part of that moment when you realize you’re in love. She’d seen it for herself. 

And weeks after that, she’d felt breathless when she looked at him. When she stared from what felt like miles away, years past him, when she’d looked and saw nothing but the man she couldn't stop thinking about no matter how hard she tried. She’d felt her world turn in a way she didn't understand. 

Earth-shattering moments were no stranger to Y/N, and she was no stranger to them. 

She’d lived in them for years. Years that felt like decades, decades that felt like centuries. 

The first time she saw Spencer, she didn't expect anything of it. She saw a man, and of course, she couldn't help but classify him as handsome in her head, couldn't ignore his messy hair and lovely eyes and very sweet manners. But, she’d been plenty of handsome men, plenty of people that she knew were unreachable. So, she thought nothing of him.

But he’d quickly become someone she could depend upon. He used to bring her coffee in the morning, setting it right on her desk while he sipped on his own cup. She used to question how he knew exactly how she took it. She used to wonder how he could’ve known when she’d never told anyone before. 

He used to call her late at night, wake her up from dreams she could barely remember, he used to let her know when there was a case, used to make sure that she was getting out of bed instead of falling back asleep like she wanted to. He was very considerate, very aware of that extra push she needed. 

He used to hold the elevator door for her, used to step back and smile when she walked into the small space with him. She liked to pretend that it didn't mean anything to her, that despite it being something he’d do for everyone, she didn't still get butterflies. She liked to pretend that his smiles meant nothing and that she was happy to have a friend. 

He used to save her seat on the plane, the one right next to him because he knew that it was her favorite. He knew that she liked to fall asleep on it whenever she could. Both of them liked to pretend that they didn't enjoy the warmth the other brought. Liked to pretend that a seat was meaningless, and that they could sit next to anyone else if they wanted to. 

He used to do everything for her. And even after a month of knowing him, she’d learned just how kind Spencer Reid was. She’d learned that the young doctor wasn't someone that she needed to look past, that she could perfectly enjoy time with him whenever she wanted. She’d learned that Spencer would be there, as much as he could, whenever he could, as long as she wanted him around. 

And from there, their relationship only crossed more boundaries. 

It was common knowledge that they couldn't be together, that with all the profiles surrounding the two, and the feeling that neither of them could keep a complete secret, they had to try and keep their distance. It was an unspoken rule between the two of them that they weren't supposed to do anything about the harboring feelings that made their way into the hearts of both of them. 

And even when they had dinner together, and spent their weekends off going to used bookstores, they made sure that there were never too many glances, that they didn't smile at the other for just a moment too long. It was a rule that both of them lived by, something that didn't need to be said out loud. 

But, there were moments. Just a step over the line they had put on the floor. Just a hand of his on her back while they were walking out the door, just the finger she used to wipe something off his face when they went to get dinner, just the icecream that they shared despite the fact that Spencer would’ve rather done anything else. 

There were tiny little steps that both of them took, barely noticeable ones, that made their relationship all that much closer. 

And then, as time went on, and suddenly the rules were being pulled back by an invisible rope neither one of them wanted to mention, suddenly they were stepping too far. 

Suddenly they were cuddling on the plane when no one was looking, sharing the same file on every case. They were texting each other at night, Spencer taking far too long to respond every time, even when they were in the same hotel. 

They were doing all these things that their unspoken rule had forbidden. 

And it was, far too good, far too much of a sweet thing to stop. Neither of them wanted to let go, wanted to move farther away. They had gotten used to the butterflies, to the nervousness that hit both of them in the middle of any day. They had stepped over and, neither one of them had any plans to go back. 

And then, one night, they fell into each other. It was completely on accident, completely by mistake when Y/N had laughed a bit too loud at something Spencer had said. An accident when Spencer had smiled, that little proud smile he got when he knew that it was only him that could make her laugh like that, when he had held onto her eyes with his, and then they were both leaning in. 

It had been raining, soft water falling on the both of them while they kissed for the first time. For what was supposed to be the last time. The earth had roared above them and they were kissing by accident, and while it was a mistake, not even the thunder could pull either of them apart. 

Their ‘earth-shattering’ moment had been so long coming, had been such an accident, such a happy mistake. 

And after, after when neither of them spoke a word, thoughts of their rules storming their brains, after, they didn't stop. 

She had meant to, she had promised herself that it was the last time, that they didn't need to be doing this, that it wasn't worth it to cause any tension at work. She had promised herself that an accident was what it was, that an accident wasn't allowed to happen again. 

But she was so prone to falling. 

And so they kissed again. In the elevator when both of them were trying to keep their eyes off of the other, they fell together, and they were breathless against the walls of the elevator, and suddenly the trip down to the lobby was far too short. 

And then they kissed again. When they were up late at night, coffee-filled their veins as they walked around the library they’d become familiar with together, when they were next to so many stories of other people falling just like they both had and it would’ve been rude not to fall again. Would've been a mistake to keep their feet on the ground like they were supposed to. 

And after that, it was impossible to stop kissing. 

They’d become so used to it, so captivated by the way their bodies felt when they were connected just like that, so captivated by the feelings they only got together. 

And then they loved each other. 

And then falling made so much sense. 

And then there were so many ‘earth-shattering’ moments that neither of them understood. 

And then they had a story that was worth writing down, one that should’ve been made into its own movie. 

And then they told their friends, and even with the broken rules, they couldn't help but feel like it was meant to be. Like this time they’d spent together was so worth it, that falling was only perfect when it was the two of them. 

There were no words to describe the way that any of it felt. No words except that Spencer used to whisper to her at night, when they were sitting under the stars. He used to tell her about the 66% of relationships that failed, used to make her gasp in fear, he used to tell her how he was smart enough to know that they were apart of the 34%. 

And those words, those words were enough. Enough to describe everything. 

But when he was standing in front of her, there were no words to describe the look in his eyes. No words to describe the disappointment that had carved itself into her heart. That tainted her lungs with the negative air she thought she wouldn't be able to breathe in for much longer.  

These past couple of months, had been so unlike, had been so familiar to the past couple of years. So similar and so different from before. 

There was something that both of them had failed to discover in the three years they’d been together, something that neither of them had known. Neither of them had needed to know. 

‘Earth-shattering’ moments aren't always like the ones you hear about in romance novels. They aren't always realizations that you want, change that makes everything better. They aren't always a person changing you for the better. 

These past couple of months, they’d both notice the growing crack in the foundation of the two of them. They’d both felt the earth sway underneath their feet when they shared a glance that was unfamiliar to both of them.

Y/N used to notice how dependable Spencer was, how dedicated he was. She used to notice all the little things he did for her, like getting her coffee in the morning, holding the elevator for her, saving her a seat on the plane, all these little things that he did just to make her smile. She used to notice the way he made sure to take care of her, to keep her warm and safe in the world that was so unbearably cold. 

And, she just, couldn't anymore. 

Suddenly, Spencer had forgotten how she took her coffee, he’d forgotten that they were supposed to grab breakfast together every morning. That it was a part of the rules they’d made together earlier in the year. 

Suddenly, Spencer was only waking himself up, his alarm was only loud enough for one of them to hear in the morning. Suddenly he was already out of the door when she had only barely just woken up. And there were no smiles, no reminders, no double-checking. Spencer was gone, and it was mornings alone she had to get used to. 

Suddenly, the elevator closed right when she stepped up, she didn't need to go home with him anyway. It didn't matter. They always drove separate cars in the morning. 

She hated to think about how Spencer would rather drive, than ride with her. 

Suddenly, Y/N sat next to Emily on the plane, and when she didn't have her own file, Emily was always sure to share it with her. And suddenly, she didn't crave that warmth as much as she used to, suddenly she thought that maybe she could live without it. 

All of these things, these beautiful things that she had noticed when she was naive, when she thought so much differently of everything else, suddenly these things were gone. And she was left alone with independence, with thoughts that kept her tied to the ground. 

And Spencer was looking at her. 

They were both standing in their living room. 

She couldn't even remember how this fight had started, who had yelled first, how her eyes had managed to get as puffy as they were. She couldn't remember why this had started, where it had, she couldn't remember anything. 

But she knew that they could both feel it, that they were both aware of the ground crumbling underneath them. She knew that it wasn't a secret. Not something she could simply just hide. 

She ran a hand over her face, trying so hard to not want to pull her own skin off, trying not to want to crawl into herself. 

“What do you want Y/N?” Spencer asked finally, his voice raw as he stared at her.

She was almost sure that they'd been yelling for the better part of an hour, that their neighbors were awake and listening. She was almost sure that both of them had lost their voices, and that at any second either one of them would crash onto the floor and fall asleep. 

They were both so tired of fighting. 

In the past month, it was all they'd been doing. The only time they talked to each other. 

Before that, they’d just ignored each other. Shared awkward smiles and passing glances when they were in the same room, for months, that was all they did. They didn't go out for dinner or stay up late talking. They didn't do anything together anymore, and both of them could feel the distance living between the two of them. 

At any second, it felt like they would both implode. Felt like they might fall in a way so much different than before. 

She was afraid, so afraid that if she looked down, she would see the sky beneath her feet. 

There were no words to classify this moment, no words that she could think of that could explain the pure fire that was shaking her bones. Making her feel like she wasn't even really there. 

What did she want? 

Did she want that old Spencer back, that old Y/N back? Did she want things to go back to the way that they used to be? Did she want Spencer to be the man that she used to depend upon? Did she want to feel those moments again? Did she want to be that love story? 

It felt like a long time coming when she finally sighed and shook her head. Not needing the words to let Spencer know that she wasn't sure. 

“What can I do Y/N? Because I’m tired of standing here,” Spencer’s voice was quiet, his temper as in control as ever, his thoughts locked in a place Y/N was sure she would never be a part of. 

She was almost sure that she heard him mumble something else under his breath, that he had more to say. But she didn't want to ask, she didn't really want to hear anyway. 

“I don't know Spencer. I’m just-” she stopped, the tears gathering in her eyes as she felt herself at a loss for words. 

What do you do when the love of your life is standing in front of you, asking what you want, willing to do anything, but you have nothing to say? What do you do when you can't feel anything? 

She wished she didn't feel dizzy at how fast the world was spinning around her. 

“You’re just what Y/N? You’re just tired? You’re done? What?” Spencer was desperate, his body moving with his words, his hands gesturing with every word that came out of his mouth. If Y/N would’ve been looking at him, she would’ve seen the growing anger in his eyes. The frustration that had set itself on her shoulders. 

Y/N was thinking, thinking about those moments that she used to feel with him, that warmth in her stomach she used to get when he smiled at her. 

There was something in her, something small, reaching out desperately, hoping to grab onto that warmth again, trying to get that feeling back. There was something inside of her that wanted it all back, that wanted to breathe again. 

She wanted to not feel this fire rattling her bones. 

“Y/N?” Spencer repeated, his voice finally breaking away from the control. His voice suddenly angrier than she was used to. 

“I don't know Spencer!” She snapped, looking back up at him. 

And she could hear him asking why, but she couldn't hear a thing. 

Spencer was speaking to her, and she thought that maybe his voice was so loud that he didn't notice the rumbling under both of them. 

She thought that maybe he couldn't hear it. 

She thought that maybe he didn't notice the ground. 

Shaking, rocking against the two of them. Maybe he didn't see the cracks in the floor, the tear between the two of them. 

Maybe he didn't feel it crumbling under both of them. Maybe he didn't know. 

She couldn't look away, couldn't stop thinking about how it was finally happening, how the earth was really shattering under both of them. She couldn't help but start thinking about how fake it had all been, how different every moment had been, how none of it could compare to this. 

To this insanity, this madness, this terror that was shaking both of them. 

But Spencer was still yelling at her, he was still too angry to see, and she she just, she couldn't. 

“I want to be done.” 

Her voice was the final edge the world needed, the final single, the last second of the world falling between the two of them. 

And then, they were standing in front of each other again, the silence louder than the world, her words echoing in a place that neither of them were familiar with. 

Her words were just enough to make the world stop. 

To make everything stop. 

“What?” Spencer whispered against the silence, his voice too loud for both of them, his question rattling off of the pain both of them shared. 

They’d become so connected in the years together. 

“I’m exhausted,” Y/N whispered back, her words meaning nothing, nothing, and everything. “I’m so tired Spencer, and I don't-” she swallowed the thoughts becoming impossible. 

She could barely get the air in her lungs now, she could barely feel past this lump in her throat. But still, she had to continue. “I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't think this is good anymore.” 

And the earth, it would’ve been shattering. It would’ve. But, but, but, it was too late. But it had already happened. But their moments were gone. 

Itwasalreadyover. It was already done. 

And Spencer couldn't help but repeat his question, even his brain not latching onto her words. Not understanding something he didn't want to understand. 

“When was the last time you felt happy with me Spencer?” 

Spencer couldn't move. His eyes were stuck on her. “I don't-” he swallowed his voice getting smaller with every breath he took in. “I don't- We’ve been-” 

“We haven't been anything Spencer. We’ve been walking in circles around each other, trying to avoid each other. I don't think we’ve been happy for a while.” 

“We aren't-” Spencer could barely breathe now, her words ringing in his ears “Relationships get stronger with time, we just- we just need time. Just time Y/N.” He tried to take a step closer, tried to replace this distance between the two of them. 

He wouldn't have been able to get across the hole in the floor even if Y/N hadn't moved back. 

Her words were just enough to make the world stop.

“No Spencer. I can't do that.” 

And it hurt, it hurt so bad to say the words out loud, it hurt so bad to come to this realization, to this terrible thought that she’d never once thought she might have. 

But the nights alone, but the days sitting in nothing, but the loneliness that she had, but all of it, all of it hurt so much worse. 

It hurt so much worse to be alone when she was with him. It hurt so much worse to know that they were still supposed to be together. 

“Y/N, I love you-” Spencer tried, he tried again, he was trying so hard to hold onto her. But, she knew, she knew that she couldn't stay. That she wouldn't stay behind again. 

She couldn't depend on him anymore. 

“I love you too Spencer.” she interrupted, moving back, farther away from him. “I love you so much. But we can't do this anymore, we can't look for something that isn't there. 

Spencer stopped. He didn't say a thing.

Her words were just enough to make the world stop. 

He was looking at her, and he could feel it. He could feel the two of them moving apart, he could feel the mistakes of both of them, he could hear the things that were unspoken between the two of them. 

And then he broke down, falling to the floor, his body collapsing with him. 

Y/N moved over to him, falling with him once more, falling to the floor, their pain an equally shared feeling, their desperation exactly the same. 

For once more, they would break together. 

And they did, they both sobbed against each other, both felt the warmth that they’d missed, both understood the difference in it, the difference in this connection of the two of them. 

Their foundation had cracked until it wasn't stable, it had fallen into so many pieces, and now there was nothing left to stand on. 

They were done. 

And so, they shared one more moment. They stayed on the floor together, the rain outside reminding them of exactly how final it all was. 

And they stayed there until they both felt strong enough to stand, both felt like it was finally time to get up. 

And then there was nothing, as they looked at each other, they both knew the reality of the situation. They could feel the tension in the air. 

Spencer whispered again, his voice gone, his eyes pleading. “Y/N…” he said softly while he held onto her, trying to keep her there, trying to let her go, trying to do everything all at the same time. 

She whispered his name back, tears leaking out of her eyes as she watched him. 

And then she leaned into him, and she kissed him, she fell into his lips, created this connection between the two of them, she fell into him for the last time and she committed the taste of him to memory, she saved this moment in her head, this last moment of the two of them. She kissed him until she was breathless for a completely different reason. 

She kissed him one last goodbye. 

And then she let go. 

And she let the earth shatter under her feet as she walked out the door. 

*

my masterlist here. 

[bookofmirth]

It's just impression, maybe.

If they're still on theory off Az and Elain's page, he disobeyed Rhys and everything and I don't think he did. If he met Elain in secret, wouldn't it look like "Hidden Love" would happen under Az's influence?

Would Elain, influenced by Az, keep it a secret instead of trying to talk to Feyre and work it out on her own?

Couldn't Elain appear to have no will of her own and let Az fight for her?

Even so, to have it, because Feyre and Nestha would put Rhys in his place if they knew that the couple "In Love" is forbidden to be together.

Sarah always does Couples inside the pages and doesn't leave the obvious in Acofs of who is next...

Her protagonist has become an extra and I can only see a part of the fandom thinking it's Elain because she's the last sister Acheron.

I think Ellucien closes Acotar with a lot of good sense and would love it.

I'm not sure you understand the essence of what I mean.

I think I got you!

There are a lot of implications of these theories that haven't been thought out. Like you said, the assumption that Azriel is willing to fight for Elain assumes that he has been disobeying Rhys, which we don't have evidence of. It also assumes that, like you said, Elain would go along with it and hide it from her sisters. And that Elain would keep being passive, letting someone else fight her battles for her. I don't think that's what anyone wants for her? For her to just be quiet and submissive and pretty and 🙂

When you say that it's under Az's influence, do you mean that he is taking charge? It does seem like he's the one who wanted to rebel, and that isn't in Elain's character. Elain is generally a people pleaser and doesn't create conflict. Nesta and Feyre are the people Elain has been closest to her whole life, so it feels out of character if she were to decide to go against Rhys, ignore what she knows about the mating bond, and have this whole relationship in secret without input or help from either Nesta or Feyre.

You're also 100% right that if Elain told either Nesta or Feyre that she wanted to be in a relationship with Azriel and that Rhys had forbidden it, Rhys would have gotten his ass kicked by one of them. He's already way too involved in that sister relationship.

But you're also right that Sarah doesn't do off-page romance. Especially the beginning of the romance. These are fantasy romance, and so it would be completely against the genre for anyone's relationship to start off page. Personally, I wouldn't be interested in that? The whole point is seeing how people overcome their internal or external conflicts and realize their feelings.

I kinda understand the argument that the next book should be Elain's based on the three sisters - however, we know there is another full book, and finishing the series with a character who isn't an Archeron? That doesn't make sense to me. In ToG, we had a story that took us away from Aelin for a minute, but then the series still closed by focusing on her. It makes sense because it makes the story come full circle.

If the next book were Elain's, we would have gotten her POV or her thoughts at some point. If the next book were Elain's and the Az chapter was the way she tried to introduce that to us, I'd be pissed because Elain is more than her sexual urges. It would frame her entire character in romantic terms, though we know she has many other issues that need to be resolved that have zero (0) to do with romance. If anyone read acosf and the valkyrie friendship and doesn't understand that friendship and family relationships are just as important to sjm as romantic relationships, then idk what to say to those people.

The Azriel chapter told us more about who he is and what he is going through. If the next book were to be about Elain, I would have expected the same - to get more insight into who she is as an individual and what she is experiencing, thinking, and feeling. I wouldn't want to be introduced to her character in 100% shipping context. If that makes sense.

Yes, we have a lot of questions about her, but that's... because we haven't had her book yet. And we are going to get it, at some point. I have a lot of questions about a lot of the characters, but that doesn't mean I assume they are going to be answered in the next book. That just makes me think that by the end of the series, I'll have most of those answers, if not all of them.

I hope that makes sense! And that I addressed your thoughts. I think you have a lot of valid points!

[recurring-polynya]

What’s your opinion on pre-canon Renruki?

I think that they already had a romantic or almost romantic relationship back in the Academy, maybe even back in Rukongai, and the reason it wasn’t explicit is because firstly it would have spoiled the endgame couples, and secondly it’s a shonen, so it’s implied.

I think they fooled around when they were orphans in Inuzuri. They grew up together, they were always together in their “teenage” years (however adolescence works for souls😅), I think it’s not impossible that they had their first experience, if just their first kiss and make out session, with each other. When they joined the Academy, they spent less time together due to their different courses, and I think Rukia’s sad expression when Renji leaves for the mission in the real world depicts that (along with worry for him, and maybe even jealousy for his achievements compared to hers). By then I think they were quite intimate, they fooled around sometimes (with the little time they had) and knew the other’s and their own feelings, but never said anything like “I love you”, or talked seriously about the depth of their relationship. If they were “just friends”, as some antis like to claim, they wouldn’t have been so heartbroken, have so many regrets and felt so guilty during their separation. And why that separation in the first place? It’s not a matter of class difference, because Rukia did talk to people of inferior status, like her Squad mates. What’s actually forbidden to people from different classes is relationships. If Renruki was just a friendship, there would have been no problem, but their bond was beyond that. Rukia wanted Renji to tell her to stay with him, but his feelings of inferiority and belief that Rukia deserved better (maybe even better than him) prevented him to do it. Their separation doesn’t feel like an end to a friendship to me, it feels like a breakup. They avoided each other because it hurt so much, and they couldn’t bear to have any relationship other than a romantic one, which was impossible once she became a Kuchiki.

After the Soul Society arc, they got back together. They were physically too comfortable around each other to be just friends, like when he basically hugged her to encourage her to go back to Soul Society when Orihime is kidnapped (and maybe he was also comforting her), or when, during the fight with the Fullbringers, he casually placed her head resting on his thigh. By then they were secretly dating, in my opinion. In the last arc they were always together, it’s so easy imagining them as a couple.

What do you think? Is my interpretation far fetched? I’d like to hear your theories about their feelings, when they blossomed, when they confessed, if they had something going on during their Academy years…

Thank you if you decide to answer!🤍

Well, as you say, Bleach is a shounen, and also I don’t think Kubo was particularly interested in including romance in the story, so I don’t think there is a correct or incorrect interpretation. It’s left to the reader to imagine what they like. I don’t think “spoiling the endgame” has anything to do with anything.

I don’t think your interpretation is “too far-fetched,” although I don’t happen to agree with it. There’s very little to go on in canon, people can fill in the gaps in whatever way makes them happy/makes sense to them. I have exactly 0 interest in arguing with people on the internet about stuff like this. I enjoy reading fanfiction that has wildly different interpretations from my own, I generally love to hear a variety of ideas, although I generally prefer the format of a narrative over Tumblr posts (funny, since I do seem to write a lot of them).

Anyway, here are a bunch of opinions. This is way, way too long, so I'm gonna throw it under a cut.

That being said, you have some really amatonormative ideas in there that I do take issue with. Friendships absolutely can be as deep and important as romantic relationships. I categorically reject the idea that a romantic bond is stronger than a friendship one or that acts of physical affection necessarily imply a romantic relationship. I actually have no beef at all with people who want to read Rukia and Renji’s story as a very strong friendship. I do think it was still reasonable for Renji to avoid her during their separation, even if his goal wasn’t romance. He wanted to see her live a better life, and didn’t want to drag her down. Yeah, sure, if he just wanted to be a casual workplace friend, he probably could have joined Squad 13 and seen her once in a while. But, especially in the early days, it would have been a bad look for Rukia to continue socializing with people deeply below her station, and I feel in my heart that Byakuya would have forbidden her from seeing Renji if he found out she was hanging out with someone from her Inuzuri days, even if it was just casual. Yeah, there exist people who say Rukia and Renji are "just friends" for the sake of other preferred ships, but also, like, so what? Who cares? That’s a lot better than making Renji out to be a bad person or trashing his character. To be honest, I am generally happy to read a fanfic that had some other Renji or Rukia pairing if it actually contained some solid Renruki best friend content (I have found a few 369 fics that do this, and maybe also in the little bit of RenIchi content I have read, so, uh, good job, my gays. This is sometimes touched on in ByaRen fics, but usually not as much as I want, althought I also tend to hold these to a high bar, because if I have to deal with Byakuya in my fanfics, they should have to deal with the Rukia-Renji friendship 😂)

Anyway, you asked for my interpretation, so here it is . These are all just, like, my opinions, man:

Life in Inuzuri just really, really, really sucks, and Rukia and Renji both have a lot of trauma and emotional hang-ups from that time. I think they forged a deep emotional connection during this time that was probably a little too codependent to actually be healthy. They had no models of healthy families or relationships. I also think they were incredibly close to Fujimaru, Kosaburou, and Mameji, and that even if they wanted to have a romantic relationship, they wouldn’t have, at the risk of ruining the more important bonds of the larger group.

In my fanfic, in their last days in Inuzuri, I do have them fool around for a brief period. It coincides with the deterioration of the bond with their last surviving friend, leading to his death. I did this for trauma reasons, because that’s how writers are.

“Communication” is probably the most important theme in my writing, and a thing I bring up all the time is that young Rukia and Renji had a thousand ways of communicating survival-based things between each other, and 0 ways of communicating how they felt about each other.

I did a post on this recently, but their whole gang was incredibly powerless in Inuzuri. They lived on the fringes of society and stole scraps to survive. I think that their number one duty to one another was to survive. In the anime, Rukia swears that she will never leave Inuzuri, that she will always stay with her friends. I think the reason she does an about-face is not just because their friends are gone, but because she realizes that she will lose Renji next, and the only way to prevent that is for both of them to get stronger. Neither of them actually wants to become a soul reaper. They do it for each other.

I think that Renji would have remained in Inuzuri and tried to make a life as best they could, but Rukia knew this was futile, and where Rukia goes, Renji follows.

I think they purposely maintained distance at the Academy. Just as in Inuzuri, their primary duty to one another is to survive and thrive. They were rejected and mocked for their low origins, and hanging out together would have made this worse. I think it hurt Rukia that Renji made new friends, but on the other hand, they were exactly the sort of people who would help him get a leg up in the Gotei. Rukia’s Academy days were very painful because she saw Renji succeeding, just as she wanted, but leaving her behind in the process. Conversely, Renji got super focused on doing well, with the idea that he could pull Rukia up behind him, except for the part where he never actually told her that.

I feel like I’m in the minority here, but so much fanfic focuses on Rukia and/or Renji being “wrong” in the scene where he tells her to go to the Kuchiki, but I disagree! Everything they have done is in order to get to a better life! It is Renji’s duty to encourage her to leave him behind. He doesn’t want to be an anchor holding her down. Likewise, Rukia knows that if she doesn’t go, she’s just gonna be a burden on him. Their relationship has always been about each of them surviving separately over having happiness together. Up to now, they’ve always managed to find each other again, although this kinda looks like it might be it for them. Do these kids need to go to therapy? Yes! Did they do anything wrong? No!

I think about this a lot, but even if Rukia had turned down the adoption (which… I’m not actually sure she could have), even the offer would have ruined their relationship. Imagine that Renji asks her to stay, and she does. Maybe they even get together at this point. Every rough patch, every time there’s money troubles, this spectre of “Rukia could have been a Kuchiki” is going to hang over them. In fiction, there is often an idea of sacrifice being a one-time romantic gesture, but in my real life experience, this sort of thing hangs around like an unwanted ghost. I can, in fact, envision a scenario where this is exactly how Aizen manages to get his hooks in Renji, by offering Rukia an unseated spot in Squad 5, even though she “isn’t really good enough to deserve it” and “taking care of them.”

I am really fascinated with Rukia’s crush on Kaien/Miyako. Bold proclamation here, but I think there is something developmentally healthy about young people having crushes on the older people in their lives, provided that said older people treat them with respect and dignity and don’t take advantage of it in any way. Crushes are, by their nature of being unreciprocated, a safe way for young folks to imagine the sort of people and relationships they want to have in their lives. I headcanon Rukia as bisexual, and maybe also a little bit genderfluid, and she had these two extremely cool people in her life, whom she maybe wanted to be and maybe wanted to kiss and maybe to have a marriage like that some day. I… like to think that their role in her life healed some of her trauma before their death caused even more.

Fully into headcanons now, but I like to think that Renji had a parallel experience, with, of all people, Ikkaku and Yumichika. Like him, they came from the ass-end of Rukongai, but they stuck together instead of bowing to the social mores of the Seireitei. It is critical to note that they were able to do this through strength. This is literally not a thing that Renji and Rukia could have done, but at the same time, Renji sees this as the kind of relationship he wants to have with a partner. He doesn’t want to look after Rukia and protect her, he wants to fight back-to-back with her and then make out afterwards. He’s still convinced that he needs to go through the proper class channels to see Rukia again, but without their influence, I don’t think he ever would have been able to say “fuck it” and turn on his captain during the Soul Society Arc.

Meeting Ichigo and dealing with his unreasonable need to protect everyone he cares about, personally, was also a huge blow to Rukia and Renji’s “I cannot allow the other person to take any risks for my sake” hang-up. Ichigo has his own traumas, which are entirely different from Renruki’s, but the one thing he had was growing up in a loving family. (Isshin has his problems, but I feel strongly that he always made his kids feel like his love was unconditional). I’m not saying that making friends with a shounen protagonist is a good replacement for therapy, but it does have healing properties.

Entirely off-topic, but I feel like Ichigo is incredibly selfish in the way of Terry Pratchett’s witches: “All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!

Where were we? Oh, yeah. I honestly think that it is unknowable when in canon Rukia and Renji confessed. I already covered this pretty thoroughly in this post. I hate the idea that they were secretly dating. Renji worked incredibly hard to get his post and I think that both his job and Byakuya’s respect are very important to him. I do not think he would put either of those things at risk like that, nor would Rukia want him to. I tend to prefer a slow-burn approached, and I honestly think they got together during the 17-mo timeskip at the earliest, and more likely post-canon entirely, although I think them confessing in the Royal Realm is the spiciest possible outcome, so that’s what most of my fanfic cleaves to.

[lucien-vanserra-protection-squad]

I believe these people don't really care about Elain and just want to see the hot scene because they skip important parts of it.

If people really looked at what they read, they would see that Sarah gave signs that Elain was struggling to fit into the night court. She makes it clear in a few moments through Cassian's thoughts and even Rhys realizes she's just following what appeared to her. We see through some thoughts that she is always on the side of whoever she thinks is stronger, that maybe she is not so loyal, that she would love another courtship. And that makes us see that she's trying to fit in, like, is it to play happy family? so let's do that, let's move on.

Apart from that, if we put the extra chapter in the right place and look from Elain's perspective, you'll see situations that she didn't feel right about. Like the Court of Nightmares, or the fact that Azriel spent the night dancing with his sister and didn't ask her to dance. We see that they didn't speak after that and when Azriel asked about her she didn't want to speak.

After that we have the near kiss scene where Azriel describes the pain he saw in her eyes. She felt rejected, so rejected to the point of returning the gift he gave her. We don't know if she overheard the conversation or had a vision, but if she did or heard she didn't like it and wanted to close what she had started.

After that we have Feyre having a child and probably not just her and Azriel must have thought about it. They saw Feyre die from the baby's wings. It would be very insignificant for Sarah to put this scene + Nestha getting her and Feyre to have Ilyrian babies and still add a character she can have that has scenes with Azriel. Including making him give the necklace Elain gave him back, and him giving it to her and hoping it's nothing.

To me people just like to look at Elain's side when she's with Lucien. with others it seems that they close their eyes.

I kinda agree but I also wouldn't make so many assumptions about Elain since we never got her pov. We have only seen her through Feyre and Nesta's eyes but she could be totally different.

So far Elain clearly doesn't fit in the Night Court like the others do. She wants to be a part of it but so far her innate personality has been exactly the opposite of what's required of her in order to be a part of the NC. I wouldn't blame Azriel for not asking Elain to dance with him because maybe, like Cassian, he noticed that the cruelty of the Court of Nightmares bothered her. This again harkens back to how she doesn't really belong there. When Feyre had offered for her to stay back, she'd insisted she'd come. I believe she just wanted to fulfill her duties to the court. Granted that the CoN is a miserable place and all of IC hate being there but it's still a part of the NC. And the IC are required to visit there and play their roles from time to time. There's Feyre, Rhys, Amren, Nesta who enjoy playing the game then there's Mor, Azriel and Cassian who are just simply menacing and come to the CoN to remind the citizens to stay in their limits. Then there's Elain who's neither - she doesn't play the game nor can she threaten and scare people into submission. If she develops such skills later in the series... well that remains to be seen.

Can't comment on the part where Elain returns the gift to Azriel because we didn't get her pov. And the part about the changed anatomy... I know no one likes to talk about it since it's kinda problematic. A couple need not have a child in order to be complete. But this isn't about what's right or wrong. It's about what Sarah likes. She takes this very predictable route with all her ships. Two people who are fated to be together meet each other in less than favourable circumstances. They experience a lot of internal conflicts and they go on a healing journey together. At the end of it, they accept each other and choose to be together not because of the bond or fate or whatever, but because they've truly fallen in love with each other. And then there's a baby or at least some sort of talk about it. So far in all her important ships, the female/woman has never been incapable of bearing a child. Elain is also not incapable of having a baby. She just can't bear an Illyrian one. But she can bear a High Fae one if Elucien happens. Also this baby talk wouldn't have started if Nesta had only altered her own body. But she altered Feyre's body too, after she gave birth to Nyx while her other sister was right there in the same room with her. Why leave her out? It's because while Sarah plans on giving Nesta and Feyre Illyrian babies, she has no such plans for Elain. But because she's an important character and will be the MC of her own book, she definitely will have a baby or there'll be some hints. That's how Sarah operates.

But all these are somewhat superficial arguments. Why am I so sure that Elucien will happen because it doesn't make sense for Sarah to give Lucien a complex and painful past, then make him suffer every book only for him to end up with who? Vassa? Because he will most definitely end up with someone since he's an important character and Sarah likes him too. She said he is dealing with a lot, so going by what she usually does, Lucien will be a paired with a character who's equally important and will be going on a healing journey themselves. And that's Elain. And look - conveniently, he's bonded with her, by magic so ancient and powerful that no one can go against it. There's no one else for him. And it's too late to introduce a new character, especially when he's already bonded with Elain.

And your last point - I agree with it completely. People who are anti Lucien always side with her and villanize him while turning a blind eye to how the others are coddling and stifling her. How can he be entitled when he removed himself from the town house and willingly lives with the BoE? Also E/riels wanting Azriel and Elain to have a forbidden romance just because they find the idea hot are so weird like excuse me, what's so sexy about Az defying his High Lord? What's so sexy about him throwing away the sacrifices made by his family for the sake of NC and peace in Prythian away just for one person? Granted this situation is tragic, but if they both choose to go through it then it'd be extremely selfish of them, not to forget, OOC of Azriel too. He'd never do that. And it's why he backed out after the Winter Solstice.

[flaminpumpkin]

So it's not a full on essay like I said I would write earlier bit I still put my thoughts in order enough for it to have a sense.

Ok, so I kinda already said this on Twitter but I want to say it here too without a character limit but Damian reading shojo manga is precious and actually not as out of character as many people think. (At the very least, in my opinion.)

I don't know if anyone already said this and if they did, it's probably a lot more articulate than what I'm about to write but bear with me for a second.

Damian has only ever known hardship, for most of his life. He was raised as the heir of Ras Al Ghul, as the future head of the League of assassins. He was trained from the youngest age to fight, to kill. And even if when he joined his father and became Robin, killing was forbidden, fighting was still a big part of his life. He went on missions and adventures, fought against many foes, some of them god-like, some after his life. He witnessed magic. He faced death so many times, so much that it caught up to him at some point and he did perish. 

And all this at barely 10, 11, 12, 13 years old.

So why. Why would he want to read about kids/teenagers fighting monsters? About dystopian, ugly, distorted worlds? About epic adventures?

It’s already his life after all, have been since the day he was born. Why would he want to read about his own life? Even if it’s not him the authors talk about in their stories, it still hits too close to home. 

That’s where Damian foregoing the epic stories and going straight for slice-of-life stuff makes sense to me. He’s been deprived of that from the youngest age. There was no time for teenage romance or silly middle school kids shenanigans in the life of Damian Al Ghul-Wayne.

So he reads it for the same reasons some reads adventure stories. Because it’s a fantasy, because it’s something they’ll never get to experience in their lives. Damian reads about teens in love, slice-of-life stories because they are mundane, they happen every day, to every day people. From my point of view, he craves this mundanity deep down, this normalcy of the life of a nameless teenager. It’s comforting to him to read about it. It’s a safe, once again mundane, normal little cocoon where life is uneventful. It’s something that, as a vigilante and because of his family on both sides, he will never really get to experience. Of course, there are instances of the batfam doing every day, boring stuff. But it will forever be tainted by his way of life. He can’t have that innocence back, no matter how hard he tries, if he ever even wants to which, I don’t think he would because deep down, he’s still the realistic type. 

But since he can’t have it, he reads about it. Since he can’t live in it, he makes himself a little niche where it’s him, himself and his shojo manga. Look at how he is when he reads it. He’s got his hood on, as if to protect himself from what’s outside so he can enjoy this little moment of peace, of fantasy, of comfort. 

So yeah, it might be far-fetched or make no sense at all to some, but this is why Damian’s reading preference are not out of character to me. But anyway, these are just personal, subjective thoughts from my bad-at-analyzing-stuff brain, don’t take my interpretation personally if it doesn’t fit yours please.