#and i just remembered it and omg my heart
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" you too ! "
super short head canons of kaiser being a cheater wuh oh (and reader being a giiirlboss <3 but not rlly cus they end up fawking..) yes there's smut so users be aware!! oh, there's some bits of non-con/dub-con btw! oh oh and literally cue "you too" by chase atlantic.
cheater!kaiser who realizes he fucked up big time. "wait — [name]. süße! don't be like that. y'know she's jus' a friend" he tried to convince you.
cheater!kaiser who's getting his ass absolutely roasted right now. "I'm sorry that your father never loved you," you spewed out. literal VENOM. "And you saw your mother on the TV too much, oh. doesn't mean you can do this." you continued.
cheater!kaiser who realized you weren't playing around anymore. you were genuinely done with his shit. hell, he should've known he shouldn't have ended a conversation with "i love you" even though he knew it wasn't true (it ended up being true LOL)
cheater!kaiser who found himself on his knees begging you to stay and you couldn't leave him. "you're all i have!" he'd whimper out. "then go get more from that other bitch you're cheatin' on me with." you'd retort.
cheater!kaiser who's now trying to get physical in hopes to repair things. you couldn't push him off. so all you could do was run that venomous and hurtful mouth of yours that once slid out the sweetest things ever.
cheater!kaiser who'd shut you up by crashing his lips onto yours. he knew it was disgusting but, hey. it works. by the time he pulled away, you were less angry..? "ew, i don't wanna have your side hoe's taste lingering in my mouth." you spat out. god do you ever stop?
cheater!kaiser who has you pinned on the floor as he's pressed up against you the way his lips are pressed against yours. his tongue exploring your mouth like it was your first time together.
cheater!kaiser who has you out of breath, carries you to the bed for some cushioning. he continues his rampage on your sweet lips as his big hands are desperately trying to get your shirt off — in which he ends up ripping the shirt.
cheater!kaiser who just decides he'll buy you a new shirt later continues to cover your delicate skin with harsh markings. you pulled him by the rattails, "you must looooo-ove doing this with the other girls you're sleeping 'round with huh?" you snarled.
cheater!kaiser who shuts your pain-inflicting words n noises with a higher pitch loving tone. his big big fingers were teasing along your folds now.
cheater!kaiser who genuinely cannot get enough of you as you're whining, crying, whimpering, all the above on his fdick or fingers. thrust after thrust, your sweet noises filling the room. were they filled with anger? yea, probably. did he care? na. for your and his pleasure.
cheater!kaiser who can't remember why he cheated in the first place as it hit him like an arrow in the heart, you were just perfect. loving, a bitch as well LOL, puts him in his place... perfection. you were the absolute ideal of a partner in his head.
cheater!kaiser who whispers gently, "give me a second chance, liebe. i'll change" into your ear in which you let out a hefty "more than second now. you havent changed at all" guess he's still oughta fuck the anger out of you.
— ©isaisliterallyhim, 2025
a/n: omg hi bbys um ive been very freaking busy lately and i've been stacked with lots of drafts... i couldn't rlly get anything out so i was like 'i needa do something" and came up w this im so sorry.. it's like 2 a.m. pls let me slide w this one ughhh im still salty over getting broken up w so shhh... yes this was a somewhat reflection of what happened just minus the sex and stuff bc it wasnt even close... wiasdjsaj i'll get out more soon just trust me... i wanted to like do one for valentines but i couldnt get anything in my head so um i def slacked off also this is all yap YIKESSS but i heart kaiser sosos much omg this wasnt proofread btw
#bllk#bllk x reader#bllk x you#blue lock#blue lock x you#blue lock x reader#bllk x y/n#blue lock x y/n#bllk imagines#blue lock imagines#bllk headcanons#blue lock headcanons#bllk drabbles#bllk smut#blue lock smut#blue lock drabbles#michael kaiser x you#michael kaiser x reader#michael kaiser x y/n#kaiser x reader#kaiser x you#kaiser x y/n#michael kaiser smut#kaiser smut#chase atlantic was playing#i love chase atlantic#isaisliterallyhimwrites#omg i heart kaiser
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instagram j.b.
summary: follow joe and his wife evie as they go through his football career.
series masterlist.
evie
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evie: you’re all caught up..
view all 728 comments…
user: obsessed with every bit of this
user: it’s time for my annual offseason unfollow..
> evie: see ya in september!
joeyb_9: traveling with you is probably my favorite thing ever
> evie: you hear that @lahjay10_? be jealous.
> lahjay10_: @joeyb_9 we got a long off season coming up, just remember that.
> user: are we getting off season joemarr content???
user: that soup meal looks sooo good
> evie: there are few things jb can cook but a grilled cheese is damn sure one of them. 🤤
user: i can’t believe you were in austin!
evie
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liked by millyg and others
evie: what the hell? tennis is kind of cool.
view all 583 comments…
user: no one likes you.
> evie: oh?
user: just had to put joe in there
> evie: well yeah duh.
millyg: are you kidding me rn? 😩
> evie: you were invited this time. don’t do that.
joeyb_9: watching it with you is even cooler. 😎
> evie: omg. joe burrow just said i was cool. *screams in fangirl* i love you.
user: always using joe for clout. 🤣
> evie: just say you want my man??
user: i hate when people come at you in the comments, you are literally the best. chin up queen!
> evie: 💗💗
evie
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evie: channeled my inner soccer mom for the #ProBowlGames
view all 200 comments…
user: i’m jealous
joeyb_9: you’d make the hottest soccer mom. 😉
> evie: 😏
> user: don’t tease us like that
> user: a baby burrow would be the cutest
> user: please do not allow this woman to reproduce.
user: spending your spare time at the gucci store? your privilege is showing. spending your husbands money is all you have to offer.
> evie: my friend, i am not a gold digger or a trophy wife, if i spent money in that store it’s because i earned it. however, i didn’t. i was watching my husband play in the pro bowl. (that’s my privilege) 🙂
> user: eat them up ev!
> user: even if you did buy gucci who actually cares??
> lahjay10_: people who ain’t got nothing better to do. yall need to be so for real.
user: i LOVE the hat. definitely giving soccer mom vibes, im here for it.
> evie: i’m kind of here for it too??
evie
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evie: make the whole place shimmer.. #NFLHonors
view all 820 comments…
user: joe could do way better
> evie: this comment is so weird.
user: this is the only NFL couple I care about. where is joe?
> evie: he’s like busy being cool and hot and shit
joeyb_9: i love you. thanks for being my super hot date. i couldn’t have made it through all this without you.
> evie: i’ll be your super hot date anytime. i’m so proud of you i don’t even have words. you fucking rock jb.
user: i would give my right arm to be married to your husband.
> evie: a small price to pay really..
user: we stan a supportive wife
> evie: 💗💗
alomen
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alomen: Honors Society. @joeyb_9 wearing custom @alomen to #NFLHonors.
view all 645 comments…
lahjay10_: My MVP
> user: ja’marr defending his man
user: I am crying
user: a fashion icon
evie: I have absolutely nothing appropriate to say..
evie: my man my man my man
evie: you slayed baby
evie: i should probably cut it out. just wanted to say @joeyb_9 you’re damn hot. that’s all carry on yall.
joeyb_9
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liked by evie and others
joeyb_9: Hard work brings cool stuff
view all 1,273 comments…
bengals: Our guy!
user: legendary
user: lombardi next
evie: so true king, you deserved more. but i won’t chat about that. i love you so much joey boy, proud is an understatement.
> joeyb_9: you’re just the coolest most supportive person, my best friend. i’m glad you’re always there.
user: side profile is deadly
user: MVP in my heart
user: POOKIE
> joeyb_9: ev you have created monsters.
> evie: i heart my pookie. 🤣💗
evie’s stories
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#joe burrow#bengals#cincinnati bengals#nfl#nfl imagine#joe burrow imagine#joe burrow x reader#joe burrow insta au#joe burrow instagram
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A friend started watching Miraculous a couple of weeks ago; he was curious, and I accidentally sold it by spoiling him S5's finale. "Oh! I really enjoy the twist when the bad guy wins!" he said... I swear I tried to save him!
Anyway, he went through the honeymoon phase with S1 and S2. Now that he has watched half of S3 (btw, in our country, both Disney+ and Netflix DO NOT have the episodes in order, save for each season's 1st one and the finales), he went on a rant on Kwamibuster saying "c'mon! So, Marinette can hold all the trinkets without any consequence, why they do that?! Is a nice stand alone chapter, but there is no great consequence!" I just told him "welcome to the fandom!" and he went "OMG! I turned to the dark side!"
He still has Gabriel on a 8.5/10 scale, since he finds saving his wife as a noble if twisted reason to turn villian. Though he doesn't understand why Gabriel found Lila useful at the end of Oni-chan. I... don't have the heart to tell him about Chat Blanc nor Gabriel's later actions.
Were S1 and S2 really the best of Miraculous? I remember enjoying S3, but now hearing his fresh pov, I'm starting to have my doubts about when it all went to worse.
I was also relatively late coming to the fandom, so I got to see seasons one to three all in one go. I watched them over a series of a few weeks and my memory of that process is this: I thought season one was mediocre with a handful of truly bad episodes, but the premise was a lot of fun and had real potential. I started reading fanfiction after watching the few episodes because I love identity shenanigan romances and I wanted to see people tell this one without being held back by the show's format and intended audience. This is probably the only reason I finished season one. I didn't like the show so much as I thought it was good enough to watch so I could fully understand the fanfic.
Origins is where my opinion changed. It was legitimately good and even felt like a soft reboot for Alya, Adrien, and Chloe. I thought this indicated that the first season had done really well and so the show had been cleared to have a true overarching plot and serialized elements in the coming seasons.
Season two initially seemed to back that up with the Chloe stuff and Marinette meeting Fu, but then Queen Bee happened. That's the moment when I realized the show was never going to live up to its potential. It was incredibly disappointing to see Chloe go from finding the bee to revealing herself on national television within a few minutes. That is the least interesting way you could possibly play her finding the bee. I have referred to this choice as the canary in the coal mine before and I stand by that. If they couldn't handle something as tried and true as a mean girl redemption or do something interesting with Chloe finding the bee, then we were not in for a good time.
The introduction of Carapace just further confirmed that read. Nino wasn't carefully chosen for his miraculous. He was just in the right place at the right time and got the best miraculous for the situation. Chloe getting the bee felt more fitting and she wasn't even chosen for it! She just got to keep using it for some reason even though identity reveals were supposed to get you benched. It was weird and was also another warning sign of things to come. Identity reveals and their consequences would just become more and more confusing as the show went on.
While all of these things were disappointing, I don't fault anyone for being willing to keep watching because it wasn't all bad. Season two showed us that the show was going to suck from a long-form perspective, but it could deliver solid short-form content. Your friend put it really well:
It's a nice stand alone chapter, but there is no great consequence!
The early seasons of Miraculous had a lot of fun standalone chapters that had no greater consequence. Disappointing for those who wanted a serious story, but you don't need to tell a serious story to be good. If the show had stuck to a more lighthearted tone and just put out disjointed, but fun mini-stories, then it would have been fine. Not amazing, but serviceable. An endless series of writing prompts that don't really fit together, but that allow for a ton of fun fan content as people pick and choose which episodes to play with. I would have still had issues with some of those episodes, but because they didn't actually connect, I would have just shrugged and focused on the stuff that was fun. In fact, that's what I was doing for the first four seasons! There's a reason this blog didn't exist until mid season five even though I've had issues with the show since season one.
For example, does Chat Blanc technically ruin the love square by establishing that Adrien's love for Marinette isn't strong enough to keep him from killing her? Sure, but when it was just a random what-if episode, I could ignore it as one-off bad writing. Season four then chose to have Chat Blanc show up in Marinette's nightmare and also featured Marinette promoting Alya instead of Chat Noir, leading me to assume that Marinette was keeping Chat Noir at arms because of Chat Blanc. This changed how I viewed Chat Blanc. That episode suddenly mattered to the entire show and wasn't a one-off thing I could ignore.
The official word is that Chat Blanc had nothing to do with the season four conflict, but that's really not clear in the actual text to the point where I almost want to call BS. Why did you give Marinette a Chat Blanc nightmare if he doesn't matter to her mental state? That makes no sense!
Even if we embrace that official word, Chat Blanc is still not a one-off episode. It apparently haunts Adrien and kept him from the season five final even though Adrien never actually learned about Chat Blanc, which is frankly even more damning than my initial read of season four. It's now super official that Adrien's love for Marinette isn't enough to save the day and I'm not interested in a show that's sticking to that choice and repeating it ad nauseum (Chat Blanc, Ephemeral, and the season five ending). The one-off bad episode has now poisoned the entire show and it's not the only episode that did this.
We've reached a point where there are multiple choices haunting the show, making it so that there really aren't any more fun standalone chapters. Even if season six is written more like those early seasons, are any of us going to be able to enjoy love square hijinks when we're also waiting to see if Adrien will ever learn the truth of sentistatus or his father's death? And what about the knowledge that love will probably never win? It's hard to forget that, especially as more and more people learn the love square's secret identities, endlessly cheapening that reveal. Combined that with them maintaining the statue quo of Marinette being unable to act normal around Adrien and it's hard to picture season six being anything like a good time.
While I can't picture it, maybe you can! Seasons one to four all had episodes I enjoyed even though I was aware of the large scale flaws. Season five is the one that ruined that for me because, while there is no real overarching plot for the season, there was enough connective tissue that no episode felt like it truly stood alone no matter what the writers say. That connective tissue made the problems impossible to ignore and, now that my brain is in serialized mode, I can't go back to episodic. The season five cliffhanger of the lies is also too serious a point for me to mostly ignore it like I did with the other bad cliffhangers. The lies aren't just a dumb plot point, they're an incredibly serious character beat that I can't overlook. Every time the love square is on screen, I'm going to feel a little sick because I know canon isn't going to give this massive betrayal proper weight.
There's also retroactive rot at work here. Because the show has serialized elements, the more the show poisons its plot and characters, the more the rot creeps backwards, ruining the early stuff to the point where the flaws feel glaring. Knowing Chloe's ultimate fate makes it hard to enjoy her early canon writing. Knowing that Ladybug will fight Gabriel alone makes it hard to enjoy Ladynoir's big "you and me against the world" moments. Knowing that Gabriel will eventually win makes it hard to enjoy more moments than I can count.
So, to answer you question:
Were S1 and S2 really the best of Miraculous?
I'd say that the first four seasons all have good standalone episodes and even some good setups that would just never pay off. Season three and four just feel worse than the first two because that's when it started to become really clear that those payoffs would never come since the show had to finally own that fact with things like Chloe "damnation arc" and the lack of consequences for the mass identity reveal.
They also have more setups than the first two seasons and those probably stand out in your mind as being bad. That's how bad writing tends to work when that writing issues are more structural than scene-based. The longer the story goes, the more the cracks in the foundation show. The writing is rarely getting actively worse, there's just enough of it to properly show just how bad it is.
I do think season five was worse than any of the others, but only because the episodes had that awkward thing where they were try to be both episodic and serialized, really highlighting how bad the show was at long-form content. It wasn't so much that the writing got worse as it was that the show focused on the writing style that highlights its flaws. Season six going back to more truly episodic story telling may make it work for some people even if they hated season five. Only time will tell.
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Reading TGCF: Chapter 40
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For those who don't know, I am reading TGCF for the first time and sharing my thoughts!
If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.
Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag Bloopitynoot reads TGCF. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read BUT if you followed along with my SVSSS read, the rules and vibe are the same.
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I do not want to leave my house; the weather is insane out there.
I unfortunately do need to leave my house to procure wine as I am having a stew making day tomorrow (Read: I am day drinking while I cook stew for several hours) this cannot be accomplished without said wine and tomorrow is a holiday so I am not sure what will be open.
So, wish me luck on my perilous journey.
But for now, let's get into chapter 40!
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oof. He's even having bad luck with the Celestial Pagoda- his statue is failing to keep it up. p213
Qi Rong! Now is not the time! This guy is single-handedly holding up an entire building to save everyone and Qi Rong is asking about how to curse Yong'an. p215
This is so messy. He can't d anything except use his energy to hold the status that is holding a building, so he really is doing nothing to save his people (in every other situation that maters). On top of that, the statue is from the Celestial Pagoda and is what people use to pray. So, now this fool is holding up a building while everyone crowds UNDERNEATH to pray! p218
My heart! Xie Lian is going through it again. The interaction with his mom and now the guy who lost his leg coming back with Human Face Disease again p221
Omg this is brutal, the building coming down. p223
and with the defeat form Yong'an he get's his title "god of misfortune" as well as a summons to the upper court. p225
"forget me. Soon, no one will remember anyway". p231 :(
Dang moving on to arc 3
I know it'll probably be just as bad as arc 2 but omg I need some movement :( This arc has been so painful. Even if it's worse, I just need events to start happening so the story moves out of this. My heart cannot take it.
#bloopitynoot reads tgcf#tgcf mxtx#tgcf spoilers#tgcf#mxtx#heaven official's blessing#xie lian#the celestial pagoda as a literal and metaphorical depiction of xie lian's fall
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indirect #18 - YOURE SO CUTE!!!! one of my first moots!!!!! i jumped when u fb and i still jump when we interact HAHAHA it’s really nice to see u grow here and ur writing i love love love it!!!! you’re amazing pls continue being u you’re sosososo amazing and i hold u very dear to my heart and we interact but i wish we interact more!!!! ur selfships r amazing n ur events r amazing n u r amazing and you’re gorgeous like you’re drop dead gorgeous omg but yeah j wanna hug u ilysm you’ll forever have a place in my heart n omg i love ur themes all ur 25 themes i swear every time u change ur theme im like…woah this is so cool i wanna change mine asw;,,but yeah ily i genuinely wish u the absolute best in life and omg i just remembered we might be related by a drop of blood i hope this gives it away a bit LOL ily
ok guys i give in im copying everyone mutuals like for an indirect pls
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Leo and Raph consistently being at odds with each other in every TMNT adaptation since 2007 vs Mutant Mayhem Leo telling Raph to "use your anger" oh im faint oh i need to lie down.
#tHE BROTHERS EVER#genuinely i heard it in cinemas#but it didnt quite click in my head thst he said it until i got home#and i just remembered it and omg my heart#i am sobbing i am actually so emotional#bc leo and raph generally are so alike!!#but they go about their goals in such different ways and end up butting heads#but omg mutant mayhem got me so emotional#dont even get me started on tbem being able to attend high school#like Normal kids just like theh wanted#oh i need to lie down#SOBBING#mutant mayhem#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#teenage mutant ninja turtle mutant mayhem#tmnt leonardo#tmnt raphael
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Nene and Amane at the Tanabata Star Festival
#this episode was so cute omg#i remember reading this in the manga and my heart just swelling and hurting at the same time#i love them so much#jibaku shounen hanako kun#toilet bound hanako kun#tbhk#jshk#jshkedit#tbhkedit#yashiro nene#yugi amane#fyanimegifs#anisource#bluee
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Diabolik Lovers More, Blood Vol.3 Mukami Ruki Stellaworth Tokuten Bromide & Short Story Paper
Originally, these were tokutens you'd get for buying Ruki's CD through the Stellaworth store. Nowadays you might find them sold at flea markets or second hand stores. The story is written from Ruki's POV, and takes place right after the ending of his CD, with him and Yui still on the rooftop.
Enjoy the angst (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)d
(Don't repost anywhere!)
#my ramblings are at the bottom of the tags this time for anyone interested dhdjfj#dialovers#diabolik lovers#diahell#ruki mukami#yui komori#ruki x yui#mb ruki x yui#more blood#short story#diabolik lovers official art#mine#this actually made me a bit sad ;_;#now that i think about it ruki's early stories are all more or less angsty#which checks out#the man himself basically says outright (in DF i think) that he didn't know what happiness felt like before he met and fell in love with Yu#and he also mentions (can't remember where exactly) that he used to wish he had simply died as a human#that he saw no real meaning in his “second life”#so yes. he was in a very dark place emotionally at the start of the franchise#which is why his later routes/CDs/stories warm my heart so dang much#just the difference in his outlook and demeanor aughh. fuck. the feels fffffgdgdg *cries*#i am so normal about this man#speaking of which...the upcoming rukiyui story (which will be posted on friday whoooo!) is so fucking good omg#definitely one of my new faves#so look forward to that on friday ((o(*^∇^*)o)) can't wait to share it!#oh and the 9 other stories as well ig sgdg#they're kind of already fading from my awareness though cuz they're not rukiyui :p
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I've spent so long afraid to show myself that I've kinda forgotten why I loved this hellsite? so like, I wanna start trying to post again and engage in fandoms like I used to ig? anyone interested in the tagged fandoms, feel free to send me a msg and help me get back into the spaces :))))
(ps, ik there are a lot of you who don't wanna interact w adults on here, so I'm letting you all know I'm over 18)
#merlin#the dragon prince#the witcher netflix#fire emblem three houses#breath of the wild#voltron legendary defender#ik the fandom still exists#im still flabbergasted#the legend of zelda#percy jackson#star trek#there is prolly more#merthur#rayllum#geraskier#yennifer#(the goddess that you are)#claudeleth#claude von riegan#sidlink#vld klance#klance#percabeth#spirk#omg i just remember and had to edit this#kingdom hearts#my beloved#soriku#kh kairi#they did you so dirty
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my former crush/current friend and i bonded over miraculous ladybug 7-8 years ago (even tho we were friends before that) and we STILL talk abt the show, sharing theories and stuff even though i left that school and the fact that we arent like super super close anymore (we still talk but like ykwim). i find it heartwarming that he isnt like "oh u STILL like that show we are older now" bc so many of my old friends changed :(
#chat am I catching feelings again. bc my heart did a weird flippy thingy when he remembered an old theory I told him#idk honestly. but I always felt like we were ladynoir in another universe#but I had a childhood crush on him and later on he admitted that he had a childhood crush on me too like damn#but we just shared it as a joke bc there is this infamous fifth grade incident where my friend and I were talking about him#and he noticed he got super hurt bc he thought I was trash talking him and was like u gotta tell me what u were talking abt 😠#and the next day he asked me about it I told my friend to write on paper that I liked him and give it to him and she did#and while he read it I dashed to the restroom in embarrassment#he was smiling and shi while he read it and pretended to look serious to tease me abt it#and surprise surprise years later he told me he had a humongous crush on me during that time aswell#omg we still laugh abt it#mlb#miraculous
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this is my…… alter ego- ANITA MAXWYNN. ANITA MAXWYNN
#my art#My oc#Original character#oc drawing#uuuhhhh gaslight gatekeep girlboss#So sorry about the caption btw………… its past my curfew and im in a silly goofy mood :[#So meet Darling!! My one of a kind mayhaps mascot of this tumblr blog!!!! Yippee!!!!#Dont let her soft and unalarming smile fool you; this girl is really a menace to the society!!#Funfact; Darling has a younger twin brother!! You’d never know though cause they don’t look too alike from eachother.#But they are still twins!! And he works in Retail!!!#Imagine this younger twin brother also has a cute petname as a name…………… like Honey or something#Or Sunshine. Or Angel!!!!#Ah. Decisions. Decisions#Darling is definitely the evil twin……… she would also lowkey walk with her brother whilst carrying a dozen wooden logs on her back and goin#“Maybe the A in Angel stands for-“#“Amazing? Admirable? Awesome?? :]”#“…. No. Abomination.”#“…… Oh. You mean like that one giant snowman from that one Bubbleguppies episode?”#”… YOU STILL REMEMBER BUBBLEGUPPIES?!?!? AND THAT SNOWMAN??!?!?!?!?!?!”#And then they go on to discuss Bubbleguppies lore and how they miss it 💔#Ah. But kidding kidding!! That’s if i choose Angel as the younger twin brother’s name <3#Im sorry for the bad Demon Slayer/Kimetsu No Yaiba reference with the Tokito Twins also#But yeah!!! That’s my oc Darling!!!!#i hope you like her :]]#I think she’d have a Mareep if she were in Pokémon#Just a thought <3#My sister called her a discount Yor from Spy X Family and omg#how could she say this and be totally right wtf :crying:#Anyways yeah!!!! Darling slays and joins the battle :heart: !!!!#Also no you aren’t going crazy the flower in the top left corner is one of the ibis x paint decals on that one picture icon thingy erremmm
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love that i, someone with two diagnosed anxiety disorders, had to be reminded tonight that sometimes if your mind is calm your body is not. while this is true, yes, i don’t like that it can look like a heart attack.
#me shaking in my boots like a little prey animal: it’s just a little heart issue we’re all good#meanwhile I’m two seconds from driving myself to the ED when my nurse friend goes hey….#remember that anxiety can have physical symptoms and your mind can be calm when your body isn’t#and i was like oh. oh yeah that’s right.#anyway. was not comfortable for a minute bc of it all! im a hypochondriac in the way that i have legit symptoms#and instead of being like it’s muscle cramps I’ll jump to the worst diagnosis and be like omg it’s a blood clot#so yeah like. im crushing it lol#i'm rambling again aren't i#tw anxiety#cw anxiety
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Oh on last rb's note my friend actually read love bullet per my recommendation hehe and she likes it and it makes me so so happy hehe
#kk rambles#when ppl actually look into the things that u rec or are interested in... wowie... hand in marriage (platonic) u.u#omg u actually were listening to me and remembered and looked into it... heart full of love crying tears of happiness...#that one image of the cat crying. that's me. that's me. planting a big metaphorical smooch on your forehead. i love you.#which ik it sounds silly but i get really moved by things like that ok!! my friend sends me alnst memes even tho she hasn't watched it#and it's like oh u were thinking abt me oh u sent this to me just bc i like it 🥺🥺🥺#I can't believe i exist in your mind even when im not there hehe icb u think about me im going to make pancakes for you in the morning.#we are getting a mansion together and living together forever.#everyone's love languages are a little different and mine are so weird lmao what do you mean i get so touched when ppl think of me#do you think you don't exist as a concept when you're not physically there do you think other ppl don't have object permanence lmao#oh wait#yeah it's the effect of dating someone who made u feel like u didn't exist unless u were initiating stuff n engaging w them /j#but my friends are so sweet to me rahhh#i love my friends#why are my standards so low when my friends are all so nice and treat me well 😭😭😭#so mad that my bsf is happily in a relationship (good for her honestly im v happy for her)#bc now I can't go like. if we're single at 30 let's get married. no homo. just that we've known e/o for so long it would be comfortable#it's crazy bc it's not like i want a romantic relationship but i hate feeling lonely but i also really like my own personal space and time#and I don't really like the small inevitable conflicts that arise from close relationships even though it's part of putting the work in#but i like a certain amount of stability and predictability (autism) so i think what i need. is a roommate.#a friend who lives together w me but in separate rooms but i can cook for them type cohabitation lmaoo#but that's kinda idealistic and kinda gay lmao#my friend called me a friend simp and my other friend joked that i should have a queer platonic cule.#like rahhh yeah i really do love my friends a lot i wanna see them forever they're great and amazing and i love them so much#it's nice to be loved!!! it's nice to be cared abt!!! my friends make me really happy!!!#ik from societal standards I'm a deviation and what i feel is more intense than what normal ppl consider friendships to be like but#I don't quite understand the categorization of human social interactions sometimes ig. why should i cap how much im allowed to love someone#if i love someone i want to see them happy and i want to do things for them and I'm not the type to half ass things.#but society is weird abt things and whatnot but it's fine as long as my friends understand and know i love them hehe#anyway love bullet arospec representation!!! let girls shoot people!!! /hj
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hi hi ! i hope requests are open ? i wanted to request something with 05 - any trial ( but if in t2 , id lme it if it wasnt about 06 or 03s injuries if thats ok?) and with any prisoner just not 07 06 or 03 ... maybe more on the angsty side..? i hope this is ok aknskdnsñ
Ah thank you for the request!! Shidou my beloved... It makes sense, but it's still a shame how often he's paired with all the others, seeing as he has enough angst all on his own ;---; I placed this kind of between trials/beginning of the second -- Shidou's one interrogation question always made me think he was trying to quit smoking that trial, but I always wondered if he succeeded. TW for brief mention to his suicidal mindset.
Shidou remembered being the envy of his coworkers, always praised for such steady hands. The thought came to him bitterly while he cooked. His trembling fingers fumbled with the knife. He asked himself again why he’d decided to quit smoking.
It isn’t as if quitting now can save me.
But that’s what he was hoping for, wasn’t it? That one good decision after so many misguided ones could change his fate? That the path to atonement didn’t need to involve any more death?
He couldn’t count how many times he’d repeated the list of symptoms to patients, yet he found himself frustrated with each new consequence. The sleepless nights, the shakiness, the dizziness – even his cool temper was tested by the irritability of withdrawals.
After snapping at Yuno for something harmless, he’d offered to take her place as cook for the night as way of apology. He assumed taking on her chore would help keep his mind off of things. He prepared a familiar meal, one with many fond memories attached.
The task only succeeded in aggravating him further.
Since removing his gloves, the sensation across his palms had driven him mad. Objects felt foreign between his bare fingers. The herbs weren’t cut as precisely as he liked. The vegetables didn’t cook correctly. He had to rush the timing. Things spilled and splattered more than usual.
Shidou swiped some hair away from his face, glowering down at the countertop. He may not be in his best shape, but surely he was better than this? As much as he tried to avoid it, a thought wouldn’t leave his mind.
I usually have another pair of hands helping me out.
Cooking continued in a heavy silence. Not even the simmering from the stovetop or the gentle clink of utensils could lift it.
When everything had been added and stirred, Shidou dipped a spoon into the pan. He tested his creation.
Not quite right. I followed the recipe perfectly. What’s missing…?
He went back to the scattered ingredients. A little of this went in the pan, a little more of that. He took another taste. Then another, a few minutes later. No matter how he adjusted the meal, the result was the same.
He grasped the edge of the counter, trying to curb his frustration.
“Sh-Shidou?”
Haruka peered his head into the kitchen.
“What are you doing in here?” He straightened. His voice came out with its usual coolness; if he wasn’t careful, people often mistook it for harshness. Seeing the way Haruka flinched, he tried to speak easier. “Is dinner late? My apologies, I must have lost track of the time.”
“It’s just, the others were, uh. You’ve been in here a long time, and… I’m s-sorry to bother you.” Then, a moment where he studied Shidou’s tense expression. “W-what’s wrong?”
It’s not like hers. It’ll never be like hers again.
“Nothing at all.” Shidou mustered up a smile for him. It wasn’t his fault the others had become impatient. And, it could hardly be called impatience – it was long past when dinner should be ready. “Go tell the others it will be ready momentarily.”
“O-oh. Okay.”
Shidou took a long breath. He had already lost so many pieces of her. He had nothing of any of them, in fact. There wasn’t anything he could hold close – no photographs, no possessions. He had no familiar rooms to sit in, or paths to walk along. Most mourners are haunted by a house full of reminders of their loved ones, but Shidou would have seen that as a luxury. Now, he couldn’t even have this.
Once he finished cooking, he made a plate for everyone but himself. He slipped out of the dining hall unnoticed. Everyone was too excited with his finished product to bother with him.
That’s nothing new…
The panopticon was quiet. His cell was quiet. With his gloves back on, the soft touch on the smoking room door barely made a sound. Shidou pulled a lighter from his pocket.
He’d rid himself of all cigarettes when he first quit, but it had been easy enough to find a stray one tucked somewhere in his room. Maybe he’d left a few on purpose – something in his subconscious knew he’d break down eventually.
It took a few tries to get it to light in his clumsy hands. He couldn’t help listing off the reasons his hands could be trembling. Nicotine withdrawal, general hunger, bodily fatigue, emotional distress… it could go on.
It was a relief to take a deep inhale. He felt his chest unwind a bit. His mind finally slowed.
He shouldn’t let himself feel so relaxed. In a place as dangerous as this, one good decision may not save his fate, but one more misguided decision may seal it.
He’d never admit it out loud, but –
That thought is a relief, too.
#milgram#shidou kirisaki#haruka is there real quick lol :)#OMG I just looked back at my tag rant im so sorry asdfsdfsdf#thank you so much for the request!! (and your patience lol) this was really nice to write ;--;#i was planning on closing requests around that time but im really glad i kept it open for a bit longer -- i love writing shidou ;-;#i have a lot of thoughts about all the consequences/meanings to his smoking waah#of course theres the main focus of him doing something unhealthy/self-sabotaging and then giving it up in the name of helping others#but now he becomes a patient himself and must deal with all these physical ailments#and for someone as calm and collected as him i can imagine he would shock himself/the others if he had to deal with a shorter temper#and i didnt even get to it here but this decision also isolates him -- he specifically says its lonely without the smoking group#now it really is all work and no play#(following a very work-focused crime)#made myself sad thinking about how he has nothing to remember his family by...#if milgram did take them pretty soon after the murders he probably didnt even have time for a funeral or anything#he has absolutely no closure or comforting possessions#i love his cooking symbolism (and it fits nicely with mahirus thing with food and love as well) and it just breaks my heart that he and#his wife probably cooked/gardened together#i was tired of writing charactes who would never say what theyre really thinking out loud and said here are his thoughts anyway asfsdf#i also didnt go to deep into here but there are so many complexities with his desire to live at this point in canon too#as much as im emotional over him choosing to live in triage - thats not the type of thing you can just up and get over by making one choice#he has to fight to keep up that decision every single day and i think sometimes he slips back into old mindsets...#i feel like i dont post about him as much as my other faves but i do have so many shidou thoughts OUGHHGHHG#drabbles
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I just want to tell you guys I am SOBBING omg... I'm never drawing 20 people in 1 drawing meant to pay attention to a single person ever again 😭
#scrambles#when I wanted to redraw my greatest masterpiece to make it greater I did NOT sign up to add 15 more people to the drawing 😭#actually just remembered I do actually enjoy drawing many people in one drawing BUT OMG 20?? WHO TF WANTS TO PUT WORK IN THAT??(I say)#edit: I think I'm gonna have a heart attack
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"I didn't break," she said quietly. His heart cracked at the words. "I didn't tell them anything."
She didn't say it for praise, to boast. But rather to tell him, her consort, of where they stood in this war. What their enemies might know.
"I knew you wouldn't," he managed to say.
"She ... she tried to convince me that this was the bad dream. When Cairn was done with me, or during it, I don't know, she'd try to worm her way into my mind." She glanced around the cave, as if she could see the world beyond it. "She spun fantasies that felt so real..." She bobbed under the surface. Perhaps she'd needed the cooling water of the lake to be able to hear her own voice again; perhaps she needed the distance between them so she could speak these words. She emerged, slicking back her hair with a hand. "They felt like this."
Half of him didn't want to know, but he asked, "What sort of illusions?"
A long pause. "It doesn't matter now."
Too soon to push—if ever.
Then she asked softly, "How long?"
It took the entirety of his three centuries of training to keep the devastation, the agony for her, from his face. "Two months, three days, and seven hours."
Her mouth tightened, either at the length of time, or the fact that he'd counted every single one of those hours apart.
She ran her fingers through her hair, its strands floating around her in the water. Still too long for two months to have passed. "They healed me after each ... session. So that I stopped knowing what had been done and what was in my mind and where the truth lay." Erase her scars, and Maeve stood a better chance at convincing her none of this was real. "But the healers couldn't remember how long my hair was, or Maeve wanted to confuse me further, so they grew it out." Her eyes darkened at the memory of why, perhaps, they had needed to regrow her hair in the first place.
"Do you want me to cut it back to the length it was when I last saw you?" His words were near-guttural.
"No." Ripples shivered around her. "I want it so I can remember."
What had been done to her, what she'd survived and what she had protected.
Even if the woman treading water before him didn't seem to have vengeance on her mind. Not so much as a hint of the burning rage that fueled her.
He didn't blame her. Knew it would take time, time and distance, to heal the internal wounds. If they could ever really heal at all.
But he'd work with her, help in whatever way he could. And if she never returned to who she had been before this, he would not love her any less.
Aelin dunked her head, and when she emerged, she said, "Maeve was about to put a Valg collar around my neck. She left to retrieve it." The scent of her lingering fear drifted toward him, and Rowan lurched a step closer to the water's edge. "It's why I—why I got away. She had me moved to the army camp for safekeeping, and I ..." Her voice stalled, yet she met his stare. Let him read the words she could not say, in that silent way they'd always been able to communicate. Escape wasn't my intention.
"No, Fireheart," he breathed, shaking his head, horror creeping over him. "There ... there was no collar."
She blinked, head angling. "That was a dream, too?"
His heart cracked as he struggled for the words. Made himself voice them. "No—it was real. Or Maeve thought it was. But the collars, the Valg presence ... It was a lie that we crafted. To draw Maeve out, hopefully away from you and Doranelle."
Only the faint lapping of water sounded. "There was no collar?"
Rowan lowered himself to his knees and shook his head. "I—Aelin, if I'd known what she'd do with the knowledge, what you'd decide to do-"
He might have lost her. Not from Maeve or the gods or the Lock, but from his own damned choices. The lie he'd spun.
Aelin drifted beneath the surface again. So deep that when the flare happened, it was little more than a flutter. The light burst from her, rippling across the lake, illumining the stones, the slick ceiling above. A silent eruption. His breathing turned ragged. But she swam toward the surface again, light streaming off her body like tendrils of clouds. It had nearly vanished when she emerged.
"I'm sorry," he managed to say. Again, that angle of the head. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He did, though. He'd added to her terror, her desperation. He'd— "If you had not planted that lie for Maeve, if she had not told me, I don't think we'd be here right now," she said.
He tried to rein in the twisting in his gut, the urge to reach for her, to beg for her forgiveness. Tried and tried.
She only asked, "What of the others?" She didn't know-couldn't know how and why and where they'd all parted ways. So Rowan told her, as succinctly and calmly as he could.
When he finished, Aelin was quiet for long minutes.
She stared out into the blackness, the rippling of her treading water the only sound. Her body had nearly lost that freshly forged glow.
Then she pivoted back toward him. "Maeve said you and the others were in the North. That you'd been spotted by her spies there. Did you plant that deception for her, too?"
He shook his head. "Lysandra has been thorough, it seems."
Aelin's throat bobbed. "I believed her." It sounded like a confession, somehow.
So Rowan found himself saying, "I told you once that even if death separated us, I would rip apart every world until I found you." He gave her a slash of a smile. "Did you really believe this would stop me?'
She pursed her mouth, and at last, those agonizing emotions began to surface in her eyes. "You were supposed to save Terrasen."
"Considering that the sun shines, I'd say Erawan hasn't won yet. So we'll save it together."
He didn't let himself think of the final cost of destroying Erawan. And Aelin seemed in no hurry to discuss it, either, as she said, "You should have gone to Terrasen. It needs you."
"I need you more." He didn't balk from the stark honesty roughening his voice. "And Terrasen will need you, too. Not Lysandra masquerading as you, but you."
A shallow nod. "Maeve raised her army. I doubt it was only to guard me while she was away."
He'd put the thought aside, to consider later. "It might just be to shore up her defenses, should Erawan win across the sea."
"Do you truly think that's what she plans to do with it?"
"No," he admitted. "I don't."
And if Maeve meant to bring that army to Terrasen, to either unite with Erawan or simply be another force battering their kingdom, to strike when they were weakest, they had to hurry. Had to get back. Immediately. His mate's eyes shone with the same understanding and dread.
Aelin's throat bobbed as she whispered, "I'm so tired, Rowan."
His heart strained again. "I know, Fireheart."
He opened his mouth to say more, to coax her onto land so he might at least hold her if words couldn't ease her burden, but that's when he saw it.
A boat, ancient and every inch of it carved, drifted out of the gloom.
"Get back to shore." The boat wasn't drifting—it was being tugged. He could just barely make out two dark forms slithering beneath the surface.
Aelin didn't hesitate, yet her strokes remained steady as she swam for him. She didn’t balk at the hand he extended, and he wrapped his cloak around her while the boat ambled past.
But Aelin turned toward them, hair dripping onto the stone at her bare feet. Half a thought from her could have had her dry, yet she made no move to do so. "We're being hunted."
"We know that," Lorcan shot back, and were it not for the fact that Aelin was currently allowing him to rest a hand upon her shoulder, Rowan would have thrown the male into the lake.
But Aelin's features didn't shift from that graveness, that unruffled calm. "The only way to the sea is through these caves." It was an outrageous claim.
"And I suppose they told you that?" Lorcan's face was hard as granite.
"Watch it," Rowan snarled. Fenrys indeed bared his teeth at the dark-haired warrior, fur bristling. But Aelin said simply, "Yes." Her chin didn't dip an inch. "The land above is crawling with soldiers and spies. Going beneath them is the only way."
Elide stepped forward. "I will go." She cut a cold glance toward Lorcan. "You can take your chances above, if you're so disbelieving." Lorcan's jaw tightened, and a small part of Rowan relished seeing the delicate Lady of Perranth fillet the centuries-hardened warrior with a few words. "Considering the potential pitfalls of the situation is wise."
"We don't have time to consider," Rowan cut in before Elide could voice the retort on her tongue. "We need to keep moving. Gavriel stalked forward to study the moored boat and what seemed to be bundles of supplies on its sturdy planks. "How will we navigate our way, though?"
"We'll be escorted," Aelin answered.
"And if they abandon us?" Lorcan challenged. Aelin leveled unfazed eyes upon him.
"Then you'll have to find a way out, I suppose." A hint-just a spark-of temper belied those calm words. There was nothing else to debate after that.
And they had little to pack. The others gave Aelin privacy to dress by the fire while they inspected the boat, and when his mate emerged again, clad in boots, pants, and various layers beneath her gray surcoat, the sight of her in clothes from Mistward was enough to make his gut clench.
No longer a naked, escaped captive. Yet none of that wickedness, that joy and unchecked wildness illuminated her face.
The rest of their party waited on the boat, seated on the benches built into its high-lipped sides. Fenrys and Elide both sat as seemingly far from Lorcan as they could get, Gavriel a golden, long-suffering buffer between them.
Rowan lingered at the shore's edge, a hand extended for Aelin while she approached. Each of her steps seemed considered—as if she still marveled at being able to move freely. As if still adjusting to her legs without the burden of chains.
"Why?" Lorcan mused aloud, more to himself. "Why go to these lengths for us?"
He got his answer—they all did—a heartbeat later. Aelin halted a few feet away from the boat and Rowan's outstretched hand. She turned back toward the cave itself. The Little Folk peeked from those birch branches, from the rocks, from behind stalagmites. Slowly, deeply, Aelin bowed to them. Rowan could have sworn all those tiny heads lowered in answer.
A pair of bony grayish hands rose above a nearby rock, something glittering held between them, and set the object on the stone.
Rowan went still. A crown of silver and pearl and diamond gleamed there, fashioned into upswept swan's wings
"The Crown of Mab," Gavriel breathed. But Fenrys looked away, toward the looming dark, his tail curling around him.
Aelin staggered a step closer to the crown. "It—it fell into the river."
Rowan didn't want to know how she'd encountered it, why she'd seen it fall into a river. Maeve had kept her sisters' two crowns under constant guard, only bringing them out to be displayed in her throne room on state occasions. In memory of her siblings, she'd intoned. Rowan had sometimes wondered if it was a reminder that she had outlasted them, had kept the throne for herself in the end.
The grayish hand slipped over the rock's edge again and nudged the crown in silent gesture. Take it.
"You want to know why?" Gavriel softly asked Lorcan as Aelin strode for the rock. Nothing but solemn reverence on her face. "Because she is not only Brannon's Heir, but Mab's, too."
A throwback to her great-great-grandmother, Maeve had taunted her. Who had inherited her strength, her immortal lifespan.
Aelin's fingers closed around the crown, lifting it gently. It sparkled like living moonlight between her hands.
My sister Mab's line ran true, Elide claimed Maeve had said on the beach. In every way, it seemed.
But Aelin made no move to don the crown while she approached him once more, her gait steadier this time. Trying not to dwell on the unbearable smoothness of her hand as it wrapped around his, Rowan helped her aboard, then climbed in himself before freeing the ropes tethering them to the shore.
Gavriel went on, awe in every word, "And that makes her their queen, too."
Aelin met Gavriel's gaze, the crown near-glowing in her hands. "Yes," was all she said as the boat sailed into the darkness.
#Chapter 35#Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius#Rowan Whitethorn#Rowaelin#Rowaelin chapters#Rowaelin quotes#Rowaelin moments#Aelin Ashryver Whitethorn Galathynius#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#spoilers in post & tags please no spoilers up to this ch. first read with me cry with me pt. 2 perspective Rowan#That lake water had never seen sunlight had flowed from the dark cold heart of the mountains themselves. — she is the sun and the heart#It would kill even the most hardened of Fae warriors within minutes. Yet there was Aelin swimming as if it were a sun-warmed forest pool.#her faintly glowing body. As if the water had peeled away the skin of the woman and revealed the blazing soul beneath.#But that glow faded with each passing breath she emerged to take dimming further each time she plunged beneath the surface.#internal inferno-or simply because she first wanted to wash away the stain of Cairn? Perhaps both.-She didn’t trust her power on land#The Celaena freedom vibes hurt-Lorcan god on his shoulder-OMG do her&Manon share crowns?#At least she'd begun speaking her eyes clearing a bit. — the glow still barely clinging — the way he just wants her to be ok#You could join me she said at last No heat in her words yet he felt the invitation. — but rather to be WITH her#She did no such thing her arms continuing their sweeping circles in the water. Aelin only stared at him again in that grave cautious way.#real or not real — a god in her own might — as if she could see the world beyond it; worlds; the queen to walk between worlds#Too soon to push—if ever. — he’d hear them when she was ready — if the time never came he’d love her anyways — it’s how they fell#what illusion? night made of dream. or the worst; both.#the way he knows the date with her just like Lyria — him offering to cut her hair — knowing she needs to remember — no fear of lakes anymor#all the Mistward paralells — I didn’t break — I know — I’m tired; ITS ALL THE TROPES#she’s making me think of Annie from HG — THE WAY HE LOVES HER — no rage just trust — everytime he calls her Fireheart#the two of them worrying the other would be upset and feeling guilty while there not — the way Chaol described as a wolf&he just sees as is#he just wants to hold her-how she goes to him-hes just happy to beWher-what if-known-it switched THEIR-she isTHEspark-Lorcan almost-no fued#HeirofMab-shes why-Rowan loves nomatter-on his knees to apologize-had Lys been pretending to be him?blind eels4ladyTHXlilfolk-Gavriel the#longsufferingbuffer-FenrysKNEW-more iron-moon star&Sun2stars-but Aelin never wanted that-she'd give it all-my favoriteCh.RowanSimp4his wif
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