#and i just feel like a scared helpless kid
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star1ight0 · 2 days ago
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Shota Aizawa x Reader PLATONIC KID.
"Safe in my arms"
Requests are open!
Tw: nightmares, mentioned abuse and panic attacks
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You had been living with your homeroom teacher for a while, ever since your parents' kicked you out anyways. Aizawa had been letting you sleep in the room next to him. It was around 2am when you woke up hyperventilating, sweaty and crying. The memories from how horrible your family treated you was all that polluted your mind. This was the first of many for that night, and it was honestly something you felt ashamed of. You felt like a child wanting to cry out for a parent to hold you but you didn't want to seem babyish and helpless.
A few hours later around 4am Aizawa got up to start getting ready for the day and he normally didn't wake you until 5:30 (he left the house at 6:30) so you were at school early enough. As we walked through the kitchen looking for what to make for breakfast you heard a scream. He ran to your room seeing you sat up in bed grabbing your chest trying to breathe teas welling in your eyes. "Shit kid, I can see you shaking from here" he says softly slowly walking towards you "you look like you've been crying for hours, did this happen all night?" He asks worryingly. He always tried to make it seem like he didn't care but he knew when to let his guard down and soften up. He noticed you tense up and pulled you towards him, "hey, hey, just try and relax into my arms and match my breathing kid." He said softly but firmly. He reminds you where you are as a means of grounding you. Knowing how disoriented people can be after nightmares he tried his best to remind you of your surroundings and such. "You have every right to feel scared, no one expects you to feel normal after things like this. There's no shame in needing someone to lean on kid." He went on about how you could have woken him and he would have helped you but you still felt that sense of shame in you, like you were childish for needing to be heald to feel at ease. "Healing isn't something that happens overnight there's no shame in needing this. I can tell that's what you're thinking. " He explained. After a few minutes you fell back asleep and managed to get a few more minutes of sleep while Aizawa was sitting in the room near you. After a while you started to hyperventilate again and Aizawa rubbed your shoulder reassuring you trying to help you calm down. It worked for the most part as you managed to stay asleep. The few nights after that he periodically checked on you through the night and left the door to his room open if you wanted to be near him. Most nights after bad nightmares he sat in the room with you while you slept being there to lull you back to sleep after one or calm you down during it.
Sorry this was short but I tried
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queervegancryptid · 4 months ago
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I have literally never been this hungry or physically exhausted in my life. Which is saying something.
I had to go to the doctor today. This is a rant about that, because if I didn't vent about it, I would fucking explode.
I made pasta and ate some. I didn't have enough sauce but put in a fuckload of nooch for b vitamins. It worked out okay. I could have added a protein but actually, no, I couldn't have. I keep apologizing for being such a colossal fuck-up of a human being, and I keep trying to be better, but we both know this situation is being impacted by its duration so far. In other words, I can't do what I need to do to get better because of how bad things have already gotten.
This is a problem. And I've got chronic pain from what's essentially cachexia by way of eating disorders and a doctor who doesn't get it despite being told over and over again. "Don't tell me my weight." Every time, I find out.
"I have anorexia and have been eating [numbers] calories per day, max, and it's getting worse." My weight has also been dropping, which I literally see on a fucking graph every time I come in, so clearly there's something going on here. I've lost over a third of my body weight since last year. If I wasn't anorexic, I would expect my doctor to raise some serious fucking alarm bells over that amount of unexplained weight loss.
"I get chronic tension headaches since I was a teenager. These are the drugs that help me." He prescribes Imitrex, which is for migraines, and it affects serotonin and shouldn't be taken by people who are also on other meds that deal with serotonin, which I am, another fact of which he should be aware. Because it literally says what I'm taking on the screen in front of him. If I hadn't had the background knowledge I gained through experience and actual academic research, I likely wouldn't have known that. And it isn't the first time he's done this sort of thing. I know what works for my pain. The word "migraine" did not leave my mouth in his presence, and I've told him and the staff dozens of times that I have tension headaches secondary to extremely bad anxiety since I was a teenager. I know what works and what doesn't. I've tried migraine meds for them before, actually. I know that's not what I need. And it could have seriously fucked my brain chemistry, to who knows what effect, at a time when my brain isn't doing spectacular to begin with.
I'm sorry, I'm never like this with anyone whose job it is to perform a service like this for me, but I just wanted to shake him and yell, "Why on earth won't anyone fucking LISTEN?" I kept my cool, but as I continue to try to start eating again, I'm not sure how dulled my emotions will stay. I wouldn't ever put my hands on somebody like that in anger. It's just not me. But I have a feeling the words will come out at a louder volume than they should at some point when I finally lose control of my filter around him. Seems like I should probably just bail before that happens.
Moreover, he doesn't know dick about treating eating disorders and has no intention of learning. I'm used to having to take my doctor by the hand, when it comes to certain things. I'm used to having to tell a story that isn't quite the truth because I know the truth won't get me what I need. In other words, I'm used to having to use a certain amount of finessing and suggestion to influence my medical providers, because otherwise, nothing would fucking happen.
But right now, I need help. I do. And I don't have it in me to teach a doctor what he didn't learn in med school, even if he wanted to know, and I don't think he particularly cares. He likes me and seems to view me as a sort of novelty, due in part to my transness and sense of humor. He does not treat me like a drug addict, like a lot of doctors do when you tell them you need pain medication, but he also doesn't treat me like a patient ought to be treated. He bills my insurance several times a month without doing his actual job as a doctor. So he's literally making money on my problems without understanding or doing anything about them.
He literally started to put bulimia in my chart as a current problem. I explained my symptoms and told him that the diagnosis is atypical anorexia, because I'm not bingeing and purging, one of the most basic of diagnostic criteria for bulimia, if not the foundational one that separates it from anorexia generally. Anorexia can come with purging, but it isn't a requirement the way it is for bulimia.
He said that bulimia should be the diagnosis on account of me not losing menstruation, which hasn't been among the diagnostic criteria for anorexia nervosa in a little while. It was removed from the DSM in (I believe) the fifth edition. And anyway, that wouldn't qualify me for a diagnosis of bulimia in the first place. I know; I've been bulimic. I was bulimic for a long time in my 20s. Sometimes, the patient knows what they're talking about. Also, I take testosterone and don't regularly menstruate. So the question of whether I have amenorrhea makes very little earthly sense, in any way, and I feel like that's pretty fucking obvious.
This is fucking intolerable. I don't know what to do, but I got here by closing my mouth and being accommodating above all else, to protect others, to get along, to save myself the humiliation or pain, and I won't get out of it until I solve the root causes.
I'm so tired of having flashbacks. There's also an age regression factor during and afterwards sometimes lately that's been a little disturbing. I don't particularly want to know what the root cause is behind that one, but clearly it's something that has to be dealt with if I'm starving myself to death over it.
Balls. I have to find a new primary care doc, don't I?
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pleasedontcareaboutme · 2 months ago
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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snezus-christ-risen · 20 days ago
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Another way to look at it is that we've all been living a nightmare for the past 4 years and just fooled to believe otherwise for the longest time. Nothing has changed, and nothing will unless the collective finally decides we've had enough. However, most people aren't ready nor willing to believe that. Not to mention our money has been going towards the slaughtering of people in other countries for years and years, without a cent given back to us. Broken country, but the system is working as intended to. For the complex, NOT for the people. Many of us really don't know how lucky we are to have the problems we do. You'll wake up tomorrow, just as you did today, no threat of imminent life-ending danger looming, while citizens of other nations die, funded by OUR TAX MONEY. We all need to assess our privileges, even at the smallest level.
Thank you for the privilege check and perspective. It is outrageous that regardless of who won, our taxes would continue to fund wars and genocide. The Democratic party brought this on themselves by continuing to support genocide, refusing to listen to the people, and moving the party further right with every election, but of course the blame will be put on third party voters (despite the math not mathing). The USA is a fucking joke and I’m ashamed to be part of it.
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smolsix · 1 year ago
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-blows dust off this blog-
So
Little Nightmares III, huh???
I was trying to avoid being excited about it because no solid release date and 2024 could be a few months from now or a year from now and Idk how long I can handle being so fuckin hyped for this game YEEHAW
BUT I CAN'T, I KEEP THINKING ABT THE GAME AAHAHHGAGA
so here are my thoughts, if you wanted to know
FIRST OF ALL, i am so glad that after we saw LTNM II we thought it'd be co-op but it was just an AI, that we finally get co-op! AND ONLINE TOO, i spent the first day worried it'd be shared screen same room situation since i wasn't trying to get my hopes up but then I realised I can just.. google it.. AND IT IS!!! ONLINE!! IDK WHO I AM GONNA PLAY IT W FIRST AAAAAAAA
anyways, you can definitely tell it's a new studio working on this game, the world feels mostly the same but the character designs themselves are definitely stylistically similar, but not the same. With Six especially, the MC designs were very simplistic and realistic but used colour (or for Mono, a single design quirk being the bag) to stand out against their backgrounds and against the enemies which are largely neutral colours. But these new ones feel... "over designed"? On their own they definitely aren't, but in comparison to Mono, Six, Seven, and even NPCs like the flashlight girl, they have a lot more going on (especially the little wrench kid, Idk which one is Alone and which one is Low yet btw OOP)
Despite it being a new studio and you can tell, new puzzles and environments, they're still doing their best to have the OGs vibes and whatnot to feel familiar, namely in the trailer they bring back the fuses, and the additional gameplay video there's a short scene with an environment with all the shelves you can find in LTNM 1s gnome section (the one with the cart that is affected by the Maws swaying).
But regardless, it still feels different enough my brain is still nervous about it. I also feel In A Way about Tarsier having LTNM II explode and their franchise getting the attention it deserves, only to have it stuck with Bandai and now it's going to likely explode again and they aren't involved. Idk how anyone on that team feels about it, but if it were me omg.
Also the only boss we've seen so far (i hope they add more and i def want some to be a surprise so im not gonna assume this is the only one for now) feels... out of place? it has the design qualities of a LTNM boss, but the size of it makes it more of a spectacle than a warped/corruption of an adult. All the previous bosses fit in their environment, we are the small ones and they are scaled to the world around them. This is the first time, outside monster Six who imo is a bit of an outlier anyways due to her circumstances, we're getting a boss who is this huge and doesn't even fit their own environment. I hope we get a lore reason for this in some way, because currently the boss doesn't have the same vibe as the others and it's throwing me off a bit. Don't get me wrong, it'll be terrifying, but looking at the picture as a whole they are sort of out of place for me rn. I don't hate the bitch either, I'm not gonna be like omg get rid of it or change it, but it does strike me as odd seeing it for now.
And yes the tall man is too tall for a lot of things, but he's not THAT big. He's more like yer tall guy who hits his head off doorways, which happens irl anyways LMAO
Little Nightmares primarily tries to capture the feeling of being a small child and how everything is big and scary, but a doll that huge is out of the realm of reality set up for us already. It's gone from scary corrupted animal to godzilla, if that makes sense.
OH AND THE MIRRORS ARE VERY LTNM COMICS OF THEM TEE HEE < 3
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martyrbat · 1 year ago
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batman and superman vs vampires and werewolves #2
#feeling fucking insane about this actually#bruce talking out loud to jason's memorial case—sharing the events of the night with his robin—with his son.#dicks response..... that lightheartedness before being slightly snarky at the realization....#‘havent been called that in a long time’ before realizing bruce was almost hoping for it to be jason despite how illogical it may be#‘have room for one more?’ ‘might as well throw a ghost in the mix’ AND BRUCE REACHING FOR HIM BUT STOPPING HIMSELF!!!#like yeah jason coming back is cool and all (hate most of his red hood character lmao) but!!! this!!!!#haunting the narrative and influencing bruce and being a driving force in bruces still despite his death!!!!!#HELL MORE BECAUSE OF IT EVEN#bruce experienced the greatest lost of his life twice. the first as a kid and his parents deaths and how it was a driving force to make him#dedicate his entire life to fighting crime and helping others. but then he experienced it again but now as the parent#he now knows firsthand the other side of that coin. he knows both sides of grief and mourning and lost#first as a helpless child. then as batman. he became batman to prevent this from ever happening yet he still couldn't prevent it#making him push himself more and more because he still wasnt good enough. he still failed.#he still has only himself to blame for all 3 murders.#like losing jason was the thing that tipped him over on he cant ever have that civilian life hes yearned for and wanted#because there's always going to be scared little boys with blood on their hands that needs help. just whos blood it is can and has differ#anyways. bruce talking to jason still while working and trying to help others..... man.#c: batman and superman vs vampires and werewolves | i: 2#crypt's panels#batman#bruce wayne#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#robin ii#bruce & dick#bruce & jason
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gilligould · 10 months ago
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pepprs · 1 year ago
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i know i need to shut up abt it esp bc i don’t know for sure if i actually got exposed to covid but like. it’s just so fucking frustrating and terrifying. not just in the case of covid but with other things too like driving. you can take every precaution to keep yourself and the people around you safe but all it takes is one selfish careless asshole who can negate that in a heartbeat and ruin your life or maybe even end it in some circumstances. lol
#purrs#ask to tag#complete and utter despair about it all. i feel like such a freak for telling everyone to be safe and be careful all the time but this world#is so fucking scary and we are so fucking helpless. how can i not cast out this desperate fucking plea. this prayer. that harm will not#befall you even if it’s something as small as a drive to the store or a trip to a new place. i just live in fear of the people i love#getting hurt all the time and of myself getting hurt. and covid is fucking scary because we still don’t fuckng know how bad it is really or#what it can do to you in the long term and there’s no way to know if you have it until you find out you have it bc this fucking nightmare#country gutted all the covid infrastructure so it’s like. it’s just really bad. im so scared. ive been so proud of myself lately bc i feel l#like even though im still not doing great ive been less miserable and anxious like a couple months ago i was having breakdowns almost daily#and i feel like ive been getting better and this just has thrown me so bad. there are other things going on too ofc so i know im reacting#really strong but like. throwback to all the asks i just answered where anons were like idk how you even function witb the amount of anxiety#you carry with you all the time and i was reading that like but not anymore! and it turns out… no it’s still there. it just was summer and#i interacted with fewer people and went almost nowhere. and now the semester is starting again and everything is changing and it’s just. bad#also addendum to the first part of my tags: i wish i was brave enough to ask ppl to like. text me when they get to their destination safe or#whatever. i almost never think of it bc it just seems like such a forward boundary crossing thing to do + it was a bad habit from when my#separation anxiety was MUCH worse as a kid. but like… i want o do it and sometimes i need to but i repress it so hard. lawl#also to say i love you sometimes. some ppl it’s really easy and we do it all the time. others i can’t bc it crosses boundaries and it#physically hurts not to. lolll
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tchaikovskym · 1 year ago
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Whenever a life change I worked for and looked forward to is going to happen: oh no!
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bl00dh0rs3 · 10 months ago
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depression will literally have you googling "i need something to hope for rn" 💀
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35gofbeansprouts · 11 months ago
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💭.
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griffinkid · 6 months ago
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I don't want to be treated like a fragile helpless baby, I want to be treated like a little one just learning things for the first time
I want to get the level of praise and encouragement that little kids get that nobody gives you as an adult
"Great job! You did so well with this."
"I know you're scared but I'll be right here with you."
"It's alright, everybody makes mistakes, you can always try again."
"Even if you fail, I'll still love you."
"It's tough learning new things, isn't it? Nobody gets it right first time, don't be discouraged."
"You did your best and I'm so proud of you."
Edit: you know what, I didn't actually think as many of you were going to relate to this, but since this is getting notes:
I'm proud of you. I think you're doing great.
You don't need to compare yourself to others. I like you just the way you are.
I know you feel alienated sometimes, but I promise, you're always welcome here.
Yes, you've made mistakes. I've made them too! I still like you and so does everyone else!
Life is tough, but not all of us are. It's alright to be soft. Stay soft.
You will be just fine. We all will be just fine in the end.
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I'm so sorry I had to add this
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luveline · 6 months ago
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Hiiiiii!!!!!!! I recently got back into criminal minds and devoured all ur hotch fics like a MANIAC (you write. So unbelievably well. Im also in love w ur tasm peter stuff, you are just such a good writer thru and thru) and that one request where Jack calls reader mom for the first time really stuck w me so I was wondering if maybe I could request smth of the opposite? Like not-so-single mom!reader and hotch have been dating for a while and her lil girl calls him dad for the first time :3 🖤🖤
thank you for requesting! 💌 —your daughter calls Hotch dad for the first time. fem, 2k
“Come in, come in!” Hotch says, the door held ajar by his arm, forcing you to squeeze in and save the heat. “Quickly, honey, please, get out of the rain.” 
Sarah bursts in through the door and away from the rain, her vinyl coat covered in raindrops, her boots wet with mud. “Aaron!” she says, pulling it into something softened and excited at once, though her ‘r’s are weak, closer to ‘w’s. “I missed you.” She jumps from one foot to the other. 
He makes sure you’re safely inside before he abandons you. It’s not very kind to you, but he can’t help himself. “Sarah,” he says, without your daughter’s sweetness but heavily fond, “I missed you more, honey. How many days has it been?” 
“Four!” she says, holding up four fingers as Hotch grabs her by the waist. 
He doesn’t mind her wet coat, working an arm around and beneath her to shuck off her muddy shoes. They topple to the ground to unveil damp socks. 
“Oh, no, your socks are wet. I did all the laundry while we were waiting, I have some warm ones for you in the dryer. Should we get you out of this coat?” 
“Where’s Jack?” you ask. 
“Eating. He was starving, couldn’t wait.” 
You kick your shoes off and gather them with Sarah’s to line up by the door. Hotch takes off Sarah’s coat with some one-armed manoeuvring, aware of her smiley gaze following his every move. 
“I,” you say, pressing a swift kiss to his cheek, cold lips to his rough skin, “am gonna go to the toilet really quickly. Hi, handsome.” 
He savours your kiss and watches you go. He owes you a better greeting, he missed you just as much as he missed your girl. For now, he wipes the cold from Sarah’s cheeks and stations her comfortably on his navel. 
He loves her like his own. He’s privileged to get the opportunity, and it’s hard not to feel that low level of awe whenever she’s around, because she loves him the same way. Sarah waits for him to smile before she wraps her arms around his neck, long enough to twine her fingers in the short hair she finds there. 
It’s funny to love someone you had no hand in bringing into the world, but no less real. He’d do anything for Sarah. I miss you doesn’t cover it, but it’s a start. “I missed you,” he murmurs, not well-versed in baby talk but always willing to try for his kids. “It’s so nice to see you. Jack missed you too, should we go see him? I can change your socks.” 
He ushers her back enough to see her. She has such loving eyes, not shy at all as she nods her head. “Can you make crackers?” 
He beams. “Oooh, yes. Crackers and cheese and apple slices, I know what you want, honey. It’s ready for you in the kitchen.” 
Things weren’t easy at first for either you nor Hotch. He works too much, and you both have priorities that can’t be shifted, but the connection between you was easy. Love, undoubtedly, pretty much the moment you met, even if it scared him. He never thought he’d get a second chance and he’s not sure you thought you’d find yours either, and yet loving you has been as helpless as loving your daughter. He doesn’t have a choice and he doesn’t want one. 
In this time, you’ve found routine. He’s introduced the idea of moving in together and you’re excited for it, though concrete plans haven’t been laid. There’s a lot of questions and no need to rush into answering them yet. He has no intentions of letting you go now —Hotch will do anything it takes to keep his small family. 
Today, right now, that’s crackers. 
“Sarah!” Jack says when he sees them, jumping off of his chair to climb on top of it. He holds his hands out and Hotch leans down with a loving laugh to let his son hug her. “You’re back!” 
“I’m back,” she agrees. 
“Do you want some of my sandwiches? Daddy made me two.” 
“Yes!” she says, wiggling to be put down and given what he’s promising. 
Hotch fights to take her to the sink and wash her little hands, to her horror and whining. He says, “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, sweetheart, but you gotta wash your hands before you eat.” 
He puts her in her own chair, and it is Sarah’s chair, outfitted with a big pillow so she can see the table and marked by a pink star sticker, putting a placemat in front of her. Jack quickly pushes one of his sandwiches towards her. “There you go.” 
“Thank you, Jackers,” she says. 
Hotch smiles. Despite their different interests and ages, they’re quick to get along. 
He shouldn’t pry while you’re in the bathroom, but he worries about you. “Honey?” he calls up the stairs. 
“I’m just changing!” 
“Yeah? Can you bring some socks for Sarah, please?” 
You shout back something incomprehensible. He returns to the kitchen, where Sarah looks over the chair with pleading eyes and asks, “Crackers?” a piece of lettuce stuck to her chin. 
“Ah,” he says showfully, turning to the fridge to grab the plate of crackers, sliced cheese, and apples he’d Saran wrapped an hour ago. He peels off the wrapping and places it in front of her. “Here, sweetheart. Do you want anything else? Maybe some chips?” 
She laughs and grabs a piece of apple without answering him. 
“What about you, sweetheart? Drink?” he asks Jack. 
“Yes please, daddy.” 
Hotch makes Jack a cup of orange juice and Sarah a sippy cup, hers diluted some with water. He places them down in front of the kids, crouching between their chairs, intending to stay and chat. “How’s that?” he asks, tilting his head to the side to listen for your light footsteps on the stairs.  
“Thanks, daddy,” Jack says. 
“Thank you, daddy,” Sarah echoes, reaching for him. Hotch offers his hand, startled, not quick enough to hide it. She doesn’t pay any mind to his expression, pleased to have her hand held and her big plastic plate of crackers to munch on. 
“Why’d you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” you ask, passing him Sarah’s socks, and rounding the table to stand by Jack's other side. “Hi,” you add, ruffling Jack’s hair, “look at you, gorgeous, you got your hair cut.” 
Hotch rubs Sarah’s knuckles, trying to phrase it, not sure how to tell you with the kids still there. Will Sarah feel embarrassed if he brings it up so swiftly? Will she feel like she’s done something wrong? Will you? 
“What’s wrong?” you ask. 
He decides to present you with the situation. He’s not manipulative, but clever. “Mommy got your socks, too. Can we take these cold ones off, is that okay?” 
“Yes, please,” Sarah says.
You watch in confusion. Hotch gives you a quick look. Trust me for a second. 
He eases the socks off of her feet, laughs when she laughs at his tickling, even if he’s not quite sure how to feel. Happy, he gives her toes a squeeze and bunches a sock up to pull it over her heel and up to her ankle. “One,” he says, repeating the process with the same tenderness. “Two. There we go, all warm again, Sarah.” 
“Thanks, daddy.” 
You breathe in. 
Sarah puts some cheese on a cracker and offers it to Hotch, who eats it while you summon him away with silent parent talk. He kisses her forehead and wipes it clean as he goes. 
“Did she do that when I was upstairs?” you ask quietly. 
Hotch knows you. Loves you, but knows you intrinsically. He knows just by looking at you that you’re happy, but you’re worried about something, and it’s not hard to guess what it is: he might not want Sarah to call him daddy, and telling her not to might break her heart, and yours too. 
“She did.” 
“She’s never… expressed that interest to me.” 
“Sometimes they think about things more than we know.” Jack still surprises him as he did when he was a toddler.
“She just loves you,” you say. 
“I love her. She can call me whatever she wants to.” 
You hold his wrist, taking a step closer to him. “Are you sure?” 
“Of course I’m sure.” He murmurs now you’re close, ducking his head to yours, two halves of the same heart looking at one another’s hands. “I love her more than anything in the world. I want to make her crackers for the rest of my life.” Hotch puts his index finger to the soft skin under your chin. “Maybe by tomorrow she’ll forget she called me daddy and she’ll never say it again, but… I want her to. Is that okay?” he asks. 
You lean up to kiss him and you nod into his lips, which makes it hard but not impossible to kiss back. “She loves you so much,” you say quietly. You’d only wanted a quick peck. 
He might’ve said he loves her more than anything, but there’s a level on which he holds her and Jack where you sit too. He loves you. You made Sarah who she is all by yourself, and you’re so lovable standing in his reach. You’re perfect. 
Maybe he’s feeling sweet because Sarah called him daddy. 
“I think Jack confused her,” he says. 
“Maybe. You are, you know, her dad. You do everything a dad would.” 
Hotch slots his leg between yours and leans back to force you into his favourite kind of hug. You laugh slowly, hug the same, your arms sliding up over his shoulders to wrap behind his head, your hand cupping his hair. 
He closes his eyes and feels your waist. 
“You don’t have to worry,” he says. 
“I don’t worry about you and Sarah, I know you love her. I guess I just worry about us. Not that you don’t love me, Aaron.” 
“Big changes,” he guesses in a whisper. 
“Big changes.” 
He encourages you away to hold your face. He hopes that waiting with you in quiet for a while can explain it better than words. 
Your shoulders finally relax. 
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sepublic · 5 months ago
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I cannot imagine being Camila Noceda because so much of her arc starts around her being scared for her child, wanting her to do well and succeed and being afraid she’ll get hurt. And then right under her nose, her daughter has disappeared on some adventure in another world but at least she seems fine, right?
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But you still let yourself break and you end up saying things you might regret. And then it’s only when you begin to worry about her that she comes back and she is scarred. She’s hurt. There’s a cut on her eyebrow and you realize it will never heal. It always reminds you of how you weren’t there for her, you couldn’t protect your daughter from those who hurt her, and if you’d been enough for Luz then maybe she wouldn’t have needed to come to the isles to begin with and be injured. You see how she’s begun to loathe and hate herself, because of things and people entirely outside of her control, and you couldn’t have been there to comfort her when she needed it. So now it’s built up for Luz into this horrific trauma that she hasn’t even yet begun to unpack.
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Camila is stronger than everyone because if I’d seen my kid come back like that, I’d have broken apart asking what happened, are you okay, etc. But instead she remains strong because she can see that Luz and her kids are scared and they really need an adult who can be strong for them. Camila probably thought about what happened in Yesterday’s Lie afterwards, and come to regret her outburst; She must’ve guessed how it hurt Luz and made her feel terrible and alas she was right! So she vowed not to make that same mistake again and be even stronger next time, and she was!!!
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But man that must’ve been so scary and helpless and painful, seeing what happened under your watch. Being unable to provide a fix in getting her back home, so of course Camila goes along to the Demon Realm once she gets that opportunity, because this all started because she wasn’t there for her daughter when she needed her most. Of course she supports her in coming out, as well as in staying in the isles; She won't blame Eda for giving Luz what she wanted and needed, as Eda herself couldn't be a hypocrite by telling Luz to stay with her mom. Camila won’t let Luz face this stuff alone like last time, not when she knows and Luz feels better about trusting her (or had to, anyway) and it’s what saves Luz!!! Because when Luz relapses after failing against Kikimora, it’s Camila who’s there to pick her back up and tell her everything she needs, which leads to Luz’s palisman String Bean finally emerging!!!
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But then Luz dies and just. That scar must’ve reminded Camila that she wasn’t there to protect her daughter from anyone that might hurt her. And despite helping a little against Kikimora, it still happened again. Permanently. Man I wish Camila had a “GET AWAY FROM HER YOU BITCH” moment to get back at Belos for all she did her to child. But Camila had to keep going because after Yesterday’s Lie, she knew she still had other kids to look after. She was strong for Vee during Yesterday’s Lie, only to let herself drop right afterwards in front of Luz. But not again. No time for self pity, you just have to move on after a death and keep living, just as you did with Manny. And in the end, Luz IS all right, and she’s better than she’s ever been and there’s some huge relief.
Just augh Camila Noceda. Luz went on an isekai adventure, but maybe so did her mother? And I don’t mean with the Boiling Isles, I mean with the U.S. Camila might have been an immigrant, and not just the child/descendant of one. And even if she wasn’t, she still moved to Gravesfield. So in general so much of her life has been about going to another world and trying to survive and feel comfortable in it. As it was for Luz, too; But they survived along the way and found what fellow “weirdoes” they could, with Camila meeting Manny, who could’ve also related to her as a fellow Dominican American. And now she’s found others who can relate to Camila in other ways, as Manny also related to her as a huge nerd.
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ashwhowrites · 4 months ago
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HII, LOVE YOUR WORK. Can you do Eddie Munson x popular reader that he has hopelessly in love with. One day, the reader is trying to avoid this guy who’s been asking her out so she kisses Eddie but from then Eddie thinks they are dating. Not knowing how to tell him to not hurt his feelings but he finds out and feels stupid. WITH HAPPY ENDING!!!
I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting 🫶🏻
Jumping ahead
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Eddie had been in love with Y/N ever since high school. He always thought she was cute but she entered high school as a woman, and boy she was a woman.
He felt his mouth go dry whenever she was near him. He barely kept his eyes to himself, finding her anywhere he could. His ears were always perked up to hear her voice and laugh. He worshipped the ground she walked on; she had no idea he existed.
Well, that was until Friday night. Eddie never went to parties but he heard some kids wanted weed. So he went to make fast money. He ignored everyone, letting people come to him.
He heard loud voices come out of the house, and the argument quickly grabbed his attention. He turned to the noise, standing up once he saw Y/N marching outside with a pissed-off look.
Even pissed off she looked beautiful. He watched in case he needed to step in, disliking the way the boy followed her and gripped her arm.
She tried to shove him off but he wouldn't let go. Eddie packed up his stuff and put it underneath the table. Then puffed out his chest and made his way over.
"Let her go," he growled, he was very intimated by the tall and muscular jock but he'd do anything for the girl in front of him.
She looked at him with soft eyes, pleading for help. He gave her a quick glance and glared at the boy.
"This doesn't concern you," the boy argued, his grip still on Y/N.
"It does," Eddie replied, his voice deep as he stepped forward. Eddie wasn't muscular by any means, and he knew he'd definitely get his ass kicked. But the way Y/N was looking at him, so scared and helpless, the bruises would be worth it.
"How so?" The boy asked, letting go of Y/N as he shoved Eddie hard. Eddie stumbled back, almost losing his balance. But he grounded himself to the floor, his hand clenched in a fist as he prepared to throw the first hit.
"Because of this," Y/N said
Within seconds Eddie felt sticky glossy lips pressed against his. His eyes were wide as he looked at her. Her eyes were closed, her hands were in his hair and her tongue slipped in his mouth.
Eddie unclenched his fist and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around her body. He shoved her against him, shivering at the way she moaned against his tongue.
Was he dreaming? He feared he'd wake up in his bedroom with wet boxers. It felt like they were the only two in the world. He imagined fireworks shooting in the sky.
Y/N was shocked by how much she was enjoying the kiss. His lips and control were so firm, locking her in place. And she liked the way his arms were around her, refusing to let her body move away.
She pulled away, desperate for air. Her eyes locked on Eddie as she felt the afterwaves of the kiss. She never knew much about Eddie, just his name and face. And well now how he tastes.
Y/N turned around to see the boy gone, a relieved smile on her face as she turned to Eddie.
"See you Monday," she said with a flirty smile. She walked away and gave him a wave, a flirty one as her fingers wiggled.
Eddie smiled at the ground, he shoved his hands in his pockets and tried to make his jeans comfortable again.
~~~
Monday rolled around and Eddie had never been so excited to go to school in his life. He walked on cloud nine, a swag in his step as he felt confidence oozing off of him.
Y/N kissed him. She picked him and she made out with him. Then made it clear they were going to see each other again. She never paid attention to him in school, but now she would.
Y/N was putting her lunch in her locker when Eddie appeared next to her. She gave him a polite smile.
"Hey, Y/N," he said with a bright smile. She couldn't help but smile brighter herself as she looked at him.
"Hi, Eddie," she closed her locker and turned her body to face him.
She was stunned when he leaned in and pressed another breath-taking kiss on her lips. She melted and kissed him back, her arms lopping around his neck.
He pulled away, a shy smile on his face. She blinked a thousand times as he simply walked away.
~
Eddie already raced to tell all his friends about the kiss with Y/N. And how they were definitely seeing each other. She kissed him twice, she had to be interested. And boy was he interested in her.
Y/N felt bad for overhearing Eddie's conversation with his friends, but she felt even worse that he believed they were dating after their kiss.
She didn't want to hurt his feelings, but how the hell was she supposed to clear the air?
He was very cute, and he knew how to kiss. She was very interested in getting to know him and open to letting that lead them to dating. But she didn't know anything about him and now he's telling people he's her boyfriend.
She walked away fast, trying to think of how to bring this up to him.
~~
Two weeks passed and she never quite figured out how to say it. He talked to her all the time, held her hand in the halls, and was never shy to place his lips on hers. She really liked all of it.
They did go out on some dates, and she enjoyed his company. Over the two weeks, she had a fat crush on him and wanted to be his girlfriend. So, she figured what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. She'll gladly be his girlfriend.
But she was so lost in her little relationship that she forgot her friends were snakes. They were quick to gossip and that boy who never gave up on her was making his way back in.
~
"Yo, Eddie. I heard you and Y/N are actually together. Is that true?" Luke asked the name Eddie finally figured out after that party.
"Yes," Eddie said, quick to walk past him but Luke grabbed his arm.
"Now hold on, Munson. Because I heard after she kissed you, you thought you guys were together and she didn't know how to tell you that it was just a kiss."
Eddie felt the color draining from his face. He shook Luke off his arm and made an escape. He racked his brain and felt embarrassment rushing through his body. He was an idiot. He moved way too fast and didn't check to see where she was with all of it.
He also felt terrified. What if she didn't even like him? Just didn't know how to say no so she only went along with it.
He sat in his van, patiently waiting for her to jump in. He heard the door open and she slid in, planting her lips on his cheek and then closing the door.
"Ready?" She asked, he nodded and started the van. She seemed excited and happy to see him, but was all of that an act?
He waited until they sat down at the small restaurant before he questioned her.
"Luke told me something today and I want you to tell me the truth," Eddie said, swallowing nervously.
Y/N sat up straighter, a twist in her stomach. "Of course," she replied with a small hopeful smile.
"Did you mean anything from that kiss? Or was it just a kiss and I got way too ahead of myself?" He asked, she frowned at his sad eyes. She took a deep breath before she spoke.
"You want the truth so I'll give you that. It was supposed to be just a kiss. Something to throw Luke off of me. I'm sorry for using you like that. It was wrong and very wrong to not consider your feelings." She watched as Eddie's shoulders fell. "But" he perked up slightly, looking at her through his lashes with his head down. "I've loved every second we've spent together."
She reached over to softly hold his hand. "I really like you and I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I understand if this changes things, but I'm being honest that I want this with you, for real."
Eddie felt himself smiling at her words before he understood what she said. His stomach fluttered with her hand in his.
"I'm sorry for jumping far ahead without even communicating. I think I got so excited that I didn't even think." Eddie laughed, she giggled with him and rubbed her thumb against the top of his soft skin. "I want this too."
"Really?" She asked, a huge smile broke across her face, and felt excitement in her stomach.
"Have you seen you? Never letting you go." Eddie joked but yet meant every word.
"Can you ask me officially?" She raised her eyebrow with a small smirk on her face.
"Y/N, will you be my wonderful and beautiful girlfriend?" Eddie asked, he already knew the answer but still felt himself getting nervous.
"Absolutely," she said, leaning over the table as she placed a soft and gentle kiss against his lips.
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Tags!
@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger @arlxt @ineedmentalhelp123
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angellesword · 6 months ago
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Baggage l JJK (01)
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Summary: Drowning in debt and blood, Jeon Jungkook knows he's better off alone, lest he brings people down with him.
But one drunken night changes everything.
In a blink of an eye, Jungkook found himself drowning not only in debt and blood, but also in dirty diapers and judgmental stares from you, a.k.a his long-lost love and the guardian of the son he didn't even know existed.
Genre and warnings: best friends to lovers, co-parenting, idiots in love, slow burn—really slow burn, mutual pining, angst, fluff, implied smut, kissing, minor character death, slight getting back together, OC cusses excessively so watch out
Pairing: dad!Jungkook x adoptive mom!Reader
Word Count: 1.8k
→ Next Chapter (02)
***
You know it's New Year's Eve when people flock to Incheon's Chinatown. Some were rushing to buy gifts for their families and friends, while others ate in a fancy restaurant or watched fireworks and the famous lion dance.
As for Jungkook, he knew it was New Year's Eve when he could earn double. 
"I said I don't want to take a picture!" The loud wail of a little girl could be heard through the vast street of Chinatown. Many shoppers looked at the kid and her father with disdain. The child was crying hard, yet her father simply laughed it off, urging the child to take a picture with Jungkook or, rather, with Ronald McDonald.
Jungkook was wearing the infamous mascot costume of that red-haired clown of McDonald's.
"Come on, Wonyoung-ah. Just one picture, please?" Seokjin, the child's father, batted his eyelashes, acting cute. It worked on his partner Namjoon. Unfortunately, it didn't have much effect on Wonyoung.
"No! He's so ugly and scary!" Wonyoung stole a glance at Jungkook. The mascot looked so hideous that Wonyoung couldn't help but throw her ice cream at Jungkook.
"Wonyoung." Namjoon, who had been quiet all this time, grimaced when he saw Jungkook stilled—as if the ice cream that hit his chest also froze his heart.
Namjoon usually tolerated the young girl's brattiness, but seeing that Wonyoung crossed the line and even hurt someone older than her, Namjoon couldn't help but scold his daughter.
"Apologize to him." Namjoon tilted Wonyoung's shoulder, compelling her to face Jungkook, who was still rooted to the ground.
Jungkook had never liked kids. He thought they were annoying and full of shit. What happened today totally embarrassed him. Not to mention, many people witnessed the jarring scene.
"I don't want to! Why don't you listen to me! He's a bad clown! He scares people!" Wonyoung refused to look at the mascot. Honestly, Jungkook couldn't refute the kid's reason. He, too, was aware of how ridiculous he looked. Most of his co-workers went on vacation leave. No one was around to help him apply his Ronald McDonald makeup. He had to do it himself.
Jungkook had no talent when it came to makeup. He had accidentally put on too much white face paint—even his manager laughed at him. But despite feeling helpless, he still swallowed his pride and went out to entertain customers. It's just for one night. Someone who needed money to survive couldn't be picky with the little opportunity available.
Not everyone was lucky enough to throw away food like it was nothing. Wonyoung was a young heiress; throwing ice cream at Jungkook was considered throwing tantrums and not wasting food. They had money. They could buy people's silence.
That's precisely what happened. Namjoon was hellbent on making his daughter apologize, and after a long time of coaxing, Wonyoung finally (although reluctantly) managed to say she was sorry.
Namjoon apologized on behalf of his child, too. Conversely, Seokjin gave Jungkook some hush money after promising to 'discipline' Wonyoung at home.
Jungkook could only nod, once again forced to swallow his pride and accept the money offered to him. Poor people like him didn't only have fewer opportunities; they had no self-preservation either. He endured long hours of smiling as kids cried seeing his face. The brave ones were a little easy to deal with. They only clung to his legs, asking their guardians to take more pictures with him.
It was already late at night when the last customer bid him goodbye. Jungkook was exhausted; the cold winter wind made his body shiver. He was itching to go home.
"What happened to your costume?" The manager who laughed at Jungkook earlier couldn't laugh anymore, not when he knew it would cost the restaurant money to clean off the stain.
The chocolate ice cream thrown by Wonyoung heavily stained the costume. Jungkook explained what happened. Unfortunately, the manager only shook his head.
"Nope, that can't be. It's your fault you didn't dodge. I'm gonna have to deduct the laundry fee from your salary."
Jungkook's hands balled into fists when he heard about the salary deduction. There was ringing in his ears, and as if that wasn't cruel enough, the manager added, "I'm not going to double your payment this day. Half of it goes to dry cleaning."
The strong urge to grab the manager's collar and slam him on the wall made Jungkook's hands twitch. Who even dry-cleans a fucking mascot costume? A whirlpool of profanities at the bottom of his heart threatened to swallow him whole. Jungkook wished he could just disappear from this world.
Logic sided with him in the end, though. Jungkook needed a job. He couldn't leave even if he wanted to because if he did, where would that leave those people to whom he owed money? He couldn't escape his responsibilities. Yes, it would be satisfying to smack the hell out of his manager, but after all that gratifying feeling came the consequences: he would lose his only source of income, face a civil case, and be forced to look for a new job.
The last one was the hardest thing to do. No one would want to hire someone like Jungkook. He was a failure, and almost all business industries knew about it.
For the third time tonight, Jungkook swallowed his pride. He held the crook of his manager's elbow and beamed, "Manager Bang, have mercy on your poor employee, would you? You promised to pay me double today."
Jungkook struggled to steady his voice. He swore he never cried, not even when losing millions of assets. But things were different now. Back then, he lost everything because of his own decisions. But today's case was different. He didn't ask any of this. He didn't ask that stupid brat to throw ice cream on him. None of these was his choice...because sadly, he only had one choice:
It was to beg. 
"Please? I-I need money. I need to..." Jungkook choked on his bitter spit. He shook his head. Never mind his needs, never mind his reason. It wasn't like others cared. He could only compromise, "What if I wash the costume instead? You don't have to pay at all."
Jungkook was so passionate about his proposal. He kept spouting nonsense. It was a pity, really. Even his manager couldn't bear looking at his face. It was such a cringe-worthy juxtaposition to see a happy clown almost crying.
"Okay, fine!" The manager cut Jungkook off. He had never seen someone desperately beg for money. It made him uncomfortable. "Do whatever you want. Just get out of my sight."
The manager shuddered again, but Jungkook smiled, almost kowtowing as he received his compensation.
"Thank you, Manager Bang!" Jungkook smiled at his manager before finally leaving the food chain. He didn't change his outfit, realizing that things were better off like this. It was winter, and he had no money to buy coats and boots. He had to make do with this clown costume.
With little compensation in hand, Jungkook walked around Chinatown, spending his transportation fee on food instead.
It was New Year's Eve, after all. He felt like he at least deserved to eat something delicious. Jungkook originally wanted to buy crabs but could only afford five sticks of chicken skewers and a bottle of the cheapest soju. 
Jungkook had low alcohol tolerance. It had been many years since he last drank, and the consequences of that night had been awful—so awful he decided to never drink again.
Tonight was the only night he'd break his promise. It was New Year's Eve. He had no one by his side; he could only rely on alcohol to give him warmth.
As expected, Jungkook's vision doubled after just a few sips of soju. He couldn't stop drinking, though. The alcohol burned his throat and stomach, but it was nothing compared to his bitterness as he looked at the building before him.
The Bighit building. 
Out of hundreds of restaurants and food stalls in Incheon, Jungkook had no idea why he chose to dine in a place where he would have a clear view of Bighit. He did so well trying to avoid going to this part of the city for years, so what changed tonight? Was the embarrassment he experienced earlier not enough?
Did he need to be reminded of the pain and humiliation he went through at the Bighit back then?
Or was it because he missed someone?   
Jungkook's heart throbbed just thinking about that someone. It had been long since they last saw each other. Things had changed already. Take Bighit as an example. It was called HYBE now.
Some people left, including him. But some things never changed. The building was still as magnificent as ever.
Jungkook felt nostalgic. He couldn't stop himself from walking toward HYBE. Years ago, he could go in and out of this building as he pleased.
Everyone would bow down and smile at him. What a pity that he could only stare at the façade of this company now.
Jungkook wasn't the same man years ago, but the alcohol clouded his mind. He felt as if nothing had changed. He thought he could stand outside the building, smiling like an idiot as he waved at an angry girl leaning against her car, a frown decorating her lips while rolling her eyes.
Jungkook smiled despite himself. How shameless of him to think about that girl? To think that he could drink alcohol and pretend like he could turn back time?
Oh, how he wished he could turn back time. He would do anything to see that girl roll her eyes again, to hear her scream one more time.
Jungkook laughed bitterly.
He missed the girl.
The snowflakes fell, followed by tears falling from his eyes. The tears he thought had frozen over time.
And then he heard the sound of the fireworks before seeing it illuminate the dark sky.
It's New Year.
He heard the sound of her voice before seeing her face-to-face.
"Jungkook."
The fireworks enveloped his ears, but it was nothing compared to his loud heartbeat.
Jungkook looked at the person who had just uttered his name.
Did time really freeze? Was this some kind of New Year miracle?
Or was the alcohol still messing with his brain, making him believe that he was still the Jungkook from the past? The Jungkook could see the girl, also known as you, any time he wanted.
Jungkook blinked, chuckling.
It was absurd.
How drunk was he to see your car again parked in front of Bighit?
Jungkook was drunk, but the image in front of him wasn't a fragment of his imagination.
You were really here to pick Jungkook up.
Just like before.
***
NEW JJK ONESHOT HERE
→ Next Chapter (02)
This fic is originally a soukoku fic which I'm posting/revamping as a JJK one (I don't know, man. I feel like I have to change the characters to eradicate my writer's block. This fic has been on hiatus for many years. This will probably have 8 chapters in total. (I've written 4/8 already, so stay tuned!) This is also for those few readers who never fail to message me, asking if I will be writing more JJK fics. Here you go, I guess? Hehehe
I appreciate COMMENTS the most <33 I love you, guys. Thanks for reading.
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