#and i just dont game all that much anymore
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xamaxenta · 57 minutes ago
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Ty @jasontoddspussy i love seeing your url as always and thank you for tagging
Idk how ill list only five songs so im gonna cheat :whimsy.dot.png:
1. Just One Yesterday - FOB it tops my listen charts every year within the five most played since it came out its so good, the MV (and tbh all of the save rock and roll album make me bugfuck insane i swear, Uma Thurman also fucks me up)
2. What Makes a Good Man - The Heavy, i fuck soo heavy w this song good vibes good funk good soul i love the heavy so much
3. Drop Dead Legs - Vvvvan haleeeeennn i love most of their discography but heh. I am a simple man. I thingj.k with my nuts abd by that my peanurs and i like legs its nasty i can howl like a dog to this song its hot
4. Dead!, Disenchanted, Teenagers, Welcome To yhe Black Parade, Nanana(nananananananana), I never told you what i did, planetary go— My Chemical Romance never leaves you im here they fuck they slaap i have mainstream music choices tbh i dont rly care anymore
5. More recently anything by Reignwolf (hi riv thanks riv for recommending them ❤️) rly a huge whor e for these two songs the most tho: Fools Gold and I want you
Other honourable mentions, mother mother, florence and the machine, the struts, megan thee stallion, Kesha (specifically Timber i love this song unapologetically)
Tagging @docxie @meramera-writes @liferockingitout and anyone else my wifi is shorting out rn i paid for limitied airplane bandwirdhth and surviving macximum turbulence i need help , ofc no pressure tag game fun and stuff
(gonna attempt to make a tag game lmao-)
list your top 5 favorite songs !! it doesn't have to be in order,, and also tag ur mutuals!
dead man by self
spring and a storm by tally hall
southwest voodoo by insane clown posse
meteor shower by cavetown
inertia by ajr
tags (no pressure !!): @sstarpopp @northern-wanderers @theworstcreature @inurecity @neo-xolotl @circusclowne @dizzynotez @trashofspace + any one who'd like to join ! (again, no pressure ^^)
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triglycercule · 3 days ago
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thinking so much about horror and dust,,, gosh these SILLY goobers theyre so EYDAGHGGG!!!!! compliments to eachother,,,,,
i need them to make puns about topics that absolutely nobody should be laughing about and then DIE cackling because no waaay the punchline was a human's execution :333 (phantom papyrus is shaking his head in dismay)
need them to share stories about shitty experiences with humans and for horror to be impressed by dust's ability to keep coming up with new ways to kill his human and then for dust to also be impressed by horror's ability to handle with all different types of humans!!!
they make eachother food but dust poisoned horror's food and horror added rusted nails to his so theyre just like no you first you really should eat first i wouldn't wanna be rude no but i INSIST! they both know. it's a fun little game isnt it??? horror gets a bit scared of having to eat the food when dust's eyes turn red and cyan but it's okay because then he can just shove the shitty eggs he made into those eyes because theres literal NAILS cooked into it
sometimes they fight because thats normal and dust is annoyed at horror for hating undyne because she's a good person who just wanted to help others and horror's getting pissed because DIDN'T YOU LITERALLY KILL HER DONT YOU JUST VIEW HER AS EXP WHY ARE YOU DEFENDING HER!!! and they bicker back and forth and dust is really starting to wonder why he even empathizes with horror atp.... but its ok after a little quarrel they simmer down and move on. they dont change opinions at all the fight was for nothing
but then there's also times when they just wanna confide in each other because likeeeee theyre both shitty people who fucked up their undergrounds by their own accords and miss how peaceful life was back then. dust tells horror stories of life back before the human came because horror doesn't really remember it that well anymore and horror speaks to phantom papyrus through dust so he can pretend that this is just a conversation between sans and papyrus and everything's okay for just a moment. they both linger onto their memories of how things were before everything went to shit even though horror can barely remember and dust hates his previous self back then,,,,,
dust thinks horror's sooo much better than him for not literally mass murdering everyone but then goes around and stink eyes him for forcing his snowdin to eat humans and then leave the rest of the underground to starve. WHY DIDN'T YOU DO BETTER HORROR WHY DIDN'T HELP EVERYONE ELSE. horror scoffs because even though he kinda lowkey gets dust's philosophy of saving everyone and stopping the human through gaining LV he still killed everyone??? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO THEM YOU IDIOT SHOULD'VE JUST FOUND ANOTHER WAY OR LET IT HAPPEN!!! the way they understand eachother on paper but then in reality despise what the other did,,,,,
ok SO WHAT if they encourage eachother's delusions. SO WHAT if they pretend the past never went away so WHAAAAT!!! it doesn't matter at least they found someone who can match their freak,,,,,, dust and horror peak duo PEAK DUO DARE I SAY OK
#i held a gun to my head to prevent myself from typing horrordust in this#this isnt HORRORDUST as in like. idk HORRORDUST horrordust. likeeeee#this could be romantic this could be platonic this could even just be them hating on eachother. whatever the fuck they got going on???? idk#i saw calvateyla say on twitter that since dust remembers his humans number#he'd spam them with posts on the undernet basically bragging to their face#and i was like OH SHIIIIT YOU PETTY ASS BITCH!!!! it reminds me of horror's hint system and psychological quips#GOD these 2 have so much potential outside of just the usual dust bunny and bear horror dynamic#guys please guys please. horrordust is peak guys please PLEASE EXPERIMENT WITH THEM#i really like the first little thing about the pun. i can imagine my designs of dust and horror laughing it up because of that#AND THEN HER HEAD GOT CUT OFF! cue horror dying and dust wheezing and then he chokes on sone dust and phantom papyrus is just like smh#and this is all just by horror's sentry station and its damp and dreary and god it sucks. this moment doesnt make it better#but at least they have shitty puns.... at least. my pun loving fucks#triglycercule NOT shoving killer into this??? blasphemous i need to find a way to force him into these hcs#well it's kinda hard considering a lot of these are them bonding over their previous identity as sabs#and killer doesnt WANT to be sans!! he's NOT SANS BRO. and i dont think he would consider them sans either#no matter HOW CLOSE dust looks to being him no matter HOW SIMILAR horror's speech patterns are THEYRE NOT SANS#that clean consise answer with no nuance is surely better than just him ignoring the issue of if theyre sans or not#eitherway killer struggles since the 2 are so open to being sans it's almost like theyre ruining the CONCEPT of sans#sans is supposed to make puns but should they be puns about the death of humans??? HELP???? killer's crashing out#everyday i discover a new aspect of the murder time trio and i wonder why none else do. someone geek out with me bro#i need to hold back my thoughts about dust and horror corrupting the idea of sans bc i have another post#where that little ramble would be more appropriate. i'm horrordust maxxing bro. i'm hrdtpilled#THREE posts this week about horrordust..... whaaaat the helllllllll..........#AND a mini comic about them i never posted AND art of then wearing weird clothes??? this is my horrordust week bro#tricule hc#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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sweet-milky-tea705 · 1 year ago
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I wonder how my life would be if i was one of those girls in cargo shorts and a zelda shirt constantly on my 3ds in middle school instead of wearing hand me down old navy and watching warrior cats maps in the living room alone for 5 hours a day
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ganondoodle · 8 days ago
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the closer we get to arcanes finale the more worried i am bc so often .. if not always .. things i like end in a way that i dislike so much it ruins everything else for me
and im so worried they pull a 'this is a multiverse' thing bc then they can say every skin is somehow canon bc its all different universes you seeeeee and jayce went mad bc he lived through all of them or something, or force it to end in a way that makes the champions end up like they are in game- Vi is a shitty cop, Jinx is just heehoo craycray bc xyz etc
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trying my hand at an aftg social media au myself... have a looksie<3
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credit where it's due, these are obviously inspired by @ninyard @thegayexyagenda and @sapphoherselz (if youve made a social media au for aftg, ive probably seen it and this is inspired by you as well, but these are the people i remember rn), i hope this is half as funny as yalls are
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reel-fear · 6 months ago
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
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2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
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5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
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Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
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7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
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He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
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So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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marblerose-rue · 2 years ago
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click for better quality!
the perched king / tigerstar I
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samarecharm · 9 months ago
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Endlessly tickled by the idea of Akira being a good shot but a shit gamer. I like to think its cause hes got incredible hand eye coordination and super steady ‘surgeon’ hands; hes very good with precise movements, but panics when he has to do brain melting inputs. His brain can keep up but its hard to make his hands follow suit. Its why u can have him be dogshit at arcade cabinets; panicking with the little joystick and button mashing like mad, while having him be a beast at things like darts and billiards.
The only arcade games he can play is house of the dead-esque shooting games (hes literally at the top of the leaderboards for MILES and he draws crowds whenever he plays) and DDR cabinets (hes just very light on his feet)(NOT to be confused with stepmania; he would die if he had to do arrow inputs with his HAND). Its kinda fun to watch him fumble with the other silly gimmick cabinets, but its more entertaining to watch him do what hes good at. If u take him to play darts, and if the darts are super cheap, he will absolutely try his best to split them down the middle each time. Doesnt always work, but its insane to know that he lands the bullseye literally 100% of the time.
#chattin#akira#i just think. having him play games like how my uncle plays games is a silly visual#hes also Tall#so hes like as tall as the fucking machine and shaking it like crazy. hes dying. help him.#but hes never like. hmm#i guess self conscious about looking silly? it doesnt even occur to him bc hes so focused on smashing inputs#so ryuji can take him to the arcade all the time and never get a sore loser for a teammate or rival#on the flipside. he is so good w knives its scary#and like. anything sharp. and anything thats a projectile tbh#if u took him to do archery i think he would love it.#but for now hes got Baseball and Darts. and hes good at Both.#i know royal has him playing darts or something w goro??#i think its cute. also funny. goro would lose miserably and get so fucking tight. like alright. im not taking u here anymore.#akira opts to just watch bc he didnt think he was going to hang out w a sore loser#and goro HAS to challenge that. obviously.#like *clenched fist* ‘no. i insist. were here for a. good time. friendly competition is. healthy.’#*clenches jaw so tightly u can hear it pop* ‘another round? ‘#thinking about it; turnbased rpgs would be perfect for him. hes very bad at action games and fighting games#so playing games that dont demand that from u would be nice for him.#rhythm games would be easy too; the focus isnt on the hands but the beat#he doesnt have to THINK about hand inputs#MAYBE racing games would work too? but high speed racing games like burnout would be too much for him i think#and depending on the TYPE of shooter; fps games would be bad; third person shooters even more so
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todayisafridaynight · 8 months ago
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no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo
#snap chats#is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds#ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much#i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day#not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀#excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT#this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE#got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up#AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu#and then immediately made up for it a minute later#sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up#i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided#thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ...#him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet#im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo#im gonna be sick i love him so much#if i redraw this later shut up. i love him...#this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt#its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do ....#and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!
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sonknuxadow · 13 hours ago
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also i just have one more thing to say about the movie and then ill probably shut up for now but im really annoyed with how certain people keep going "omg its not supposed to be a sonic adventure 2 movie stop expecting it to be exactly like the game" to shut down any criticism of the trailers... like don't lie to me regardless of how many changes they make it's still very obviously supposed to be a sonic adventure 2 movie theyre taking a lot of plot points from that game and they keep referencing it in the marketing for the movie you have to have never played the game to think its not an sa2 movie
and like. yeah people who were expecting it to be an exact recreation of the game were probably setting themselves up for disappointment but just because it's not supposed to be exactly like the game doesn't mean that every change is justified or that fans of the game aren't allowed to not like it ..?? it's not unreasonable for fans of the games to want to see the stories and characters they love done justice in an adaptation . whatever man
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scalpelsister · 1 year ago
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also this isnt really proper shade at larian or anything and the writing of this game is SAURE good so dont take it this way but.
i sure do wish. Minthara was not villain batted as hard as she was. Her being locked to "evil" runs and being mutually exclusive with several party members. Her being nothing more than a miniboss for your average player- who does not even know shes a potential party member! Her being so chronically unloved by the community because... shes the "evil" companion. Hell, even the amount of people saying frankly really edgy shit about killing her or hurting her completely unprompted lmao. Like I genuinely think shes been pretty unfairly demonized both by the community and by the meta of just like... the game itself because she's really actually..... kind of, dare I say, sweet? if you get to know her. ugh.
#also if i had two nickles. shes sylvanas all over again lads i fear#idk obviously larian handles her character much better than wow ever handled sylvanas but its genuinely like#kind of eerie how similar they are and how hard they where both villain batted considering how evil they actually are#ESP compared to their male counterparts#like i would argue that neither of them are any more evil- and likely are even less evil- than a lot of the men in the same game that#are not villain batted at all.#like every character in warcraft is a war criminal so sylvanas is hardly uniquely evil on that front#and i have a hard time buying that minthara is anymore inherently evil than astarion lol#idk again larian handles trauma much better and it feels... inauthentic to accuse them of not treating minthara well because shes#traumatized. thats def not the argument im making here but it IS really sad to relate to / find catharsis in another traumatized elf#only for her to be. villain batted just like the last one :/#idk. its just a bummer.#like again thankfully its not a thesis of larians like. karlach and shadowheart and laezel are all beautiful and wonderful examples of like#traumatized women allowed to be angry and validated for being angry#BUT im selfish haha i want my bestie minthara to be able to have a happy ending w the rest of us and i dont want to see her demonized for#idk being a traumatized angry woman like!! it seems outta place for that to be the message but#whatever im rambling ive lost the plot#my post
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larabar · 1 year ago
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never getting over how. melancholy im here sounds
the chords in the chorus sound a little more triumphant at first but it kinda just sounds like a half victory. the pain of the journey is still there, even at the end of it all. but its alright. i will be with you. im here
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delightfuldevin · 2 months ago
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New refs cause there were liiiiittle bitty design elements that changed for my sonas and I needed to redo the WHOLE thing for them ncnfjndsjcxz
Also I wanted to draw Dorian with their Wiper cause bone wiper cool <3
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mcybree · 7 months ago
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Thoughts on 3rd life mirror birds. 3rd life big dogs. 3rd life property police. They fascinate me and I think you have thoughts on them but I might be wrong..either way
i do in fact have thoughts on them but i think if i talk about 3l!flower husbands publicly any more rn I’ll get so self conscious I’ll explode on the spot. this being said i have still yet to watch evo but its been on my list for forever bc of 3l!property police specifically… i really love martyns petty grudge against jimmy for those first two episodes he acts like he’s 12 and really pissed off on the playground. anyways i think that martyn going from being concerned for his friend to Just Fucking Lying to split up Scott and Jimmy, because he took personal offense to Jimmy being unwilling to drop everything to go live with him on the spot is the funniest thing in the world. Girl it’s not about you
#asks#for real though i think that martyn played up his offense at jimmy not taking the offer in order to pressure him into agreeing bc—#stuff like “oooh this is your ONE CHANCE for FUN OPPORTUNITY and if you miss it WE’RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE!!” typically works on jimmy#but martyn wasnt expecting jimmy to stand his ground on that#And at that point (in martyns mind at least) you Have to commit. so then the mock offense became Real. bc what can you do#he cant just go back on it and go like “sorry i was just worried and wanted you to live with me bc i miss you and—#dont think scott is treating you well” martyn would never be that honest with himself much less jimmy#The offer in itself was somewhat selfish to begin with in my mind as well#He did just want Jimmy to come live with him so he saw the opportunity and jumped at it. he’s an opportunist#but i also think he originally followed jimmy and brought it up with him out of concern. does that make sense#a little while after their falling out i think he fully puts jimmy out of his mind#“Jimmys a lost cause he’s clearly done with me. Why should i care when he clearly has a nice loving husband he cares sooo much about#(eyeroll emoji) lets save grian” <- what i think he was thinking#he didnt mean for jimmy to die#but what happens happens yknow. the games the game#sorry for putting all of my Real Thoughts in the tags i wasnt expecting to write them out honestly#i just think about their conversation on that mountain a lot….bigb moves into that specific spot later and martyn gives him shit about it#Which means something to me also (<- bigb and martyn pilled individual)#etc.etc
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ganondoodle · 2 years ago
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been able to keep both my fear and hype about totk in check by watching nothing but elden ring videos for weeks but now i read something on accident and my anxiety is going through the roof again
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penisbilt · 7 months ago
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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