#and i held myself here LOL
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voidcat · 3 months ago
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🍬, ☁️, and 🧩 for the ask game
Hiiii Nyx:3 love how our icons do a( ´∀`) at each other!!
🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character
I think I have normal opinions until I see a rlly popular post and go “whoops” so I can’t rmr these on top of my head buuuuut ig to go w the classics
I find Eren jaegar overrated and his demeanors and way to go w things esp after a certain end just over the top and stupid? Don’t get the hype about him in general or find even an inch of him hot im ngl to u… but I just know anyone who lives in the same geography as me or anyone who had to deal w a young turkish man (bonus points if diaspora turk, half Turkish, nationalist or all of the above) would probably agree w me. Deal with them long enough and Eren will just be a carbon copy
Raiden Ei not as strong as her Stan’s make her sound to be and def not the most tragic of archons. They throw away all she had done and the sufferings she put her people and many more into nothing just because “uwu she lost her twin sister and was left alone bc til then it was her sister who handled more diplomatic things” she is the executioner of celestia bc she wasn’t known that was one advantage !! Also we still don’t know for certain or to what extent is zhongli the god of war! There are so many anomalies and exceptions to him in comparison to other archons- ei is nowhere on his level and definitely not the most tragic archon.
I get having some characters to show different ways to cope or to be unable to do so- ei and diluc being two examples but I think they’re written a tad too badly. So idk in my eyes the way they go with things and how it should always boil down to him losing his dad and her losing his sister. Like… you guys are not the only ones who had great loses and you’re certainly not the ones w the most fucked emotional states- stop sounding like brats who need special treatment idk (but pls do note that iirc there are separate writers for the actual game quests/lores and for the in game texting/dialogues so it might be the latter than has caused me to feel this way. Bc they sure butchered so many things regarding tartaglia back in the day even in eng/chinese texts)
☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?
Always liked cats as long as I can remember- and probs would be a cat if I was any other animal and I usually feel like just screaming into the void (both here and irl) hence: voidcat
Also cool little creature of the unknown yada yada I suppose
🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?
There are certain uhhh writing styles? that feel eh to read for me- too rushed, too simple or repetitive and not in an artistic way. Idk it’s hard to describe but the moment I read few sentences I can tell if it’s a style I’ll be able to read or not. Sadly, that. It just makes me unable to read no matter how hard I try or force myself to— regardless of fanfiction, this applies to general literature too. Also like too much ooc ness esp in certain characters that stick out like a sore thumb. So I just close it and move on lol
Writer askgame
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skunkes · 1 year ago
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doing figure drawing studies because i know thats what i should be doing right now but also ive been in a very insane deranged state for the past 2 months that leaves me like this whenever i look at a man for too long
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b4kuch1n · 10 months ago
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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talkorsomething · 7 months ago
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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burningcomputerpersona · 2 months ago
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ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut
#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear#but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it#so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me#and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked#then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly#and now my perm is completely gone lol#i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit#and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks#but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow#eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start#anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short#then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real#and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again#and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim#then i somehow end up with a bowlcut#it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend#but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind#like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed#etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top#so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there#just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm#and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out#and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy#'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day#mine
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orcelito · 2 months ago
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It's getting more and more certain that I'm gonna get straight As this semester. For the very first time in my college career. My persuasion class is entirely graded, & I got a 95.88% in it. My data governance class still has the final paper to grade, but we got a 97.33% on the presentation, so the paper probably won't be much lower than that, & my current running grade in that class is a 96.53%, so. We'd have to do Pretty Badly to get that below a 90%, so it's almost a guaranteed A. Then there's my gender communication class, which doesn't have a listing on the homework website (bc my professor in that class is real old-school) BUT I got full points on my final essay exam too, which means the Only thing in that class I got points taken off for was my presentation, which Even Then I still got a pretty good grade. So that one's almost certain to be an A as well.
Which leaves UX design class, which is still missing a grade for the project we turned in back at the start of November 😭😭😭😭😭 but they say they're grading them this week so. Sure, I guess. (Still don't know why they graded the more recent project before that one but Oh Well). Anyways, we've been getting really good grades on all our projects, bc it's a level 100 course and their grading criteria is really easy 😂😂😂. So really good grades on all the projects. Not as good grades on the class participation stuff bc I kept forgetting to do my reflections and the readings, but that's not very many points overall. So unless we do badly on the project that has yet to be graded (unlikely), I'm Proooobably going to get an A in this class too. At worst, a B. But I'm hoping for an A.
It'd just be really cool to have straight As for the first time in college. And then maybe, just maybe, I'll do it all over again next semester too >:]
#speculation nation#usually i have at least one class i struggle with more#but i Also have spent every semester before this also working a job.#which that's the key difference i think. it's Impossible for me to keep a job without making sacrifices.#and yknow my dad and my old advisor would tell me that school's more important#but when you gotta work to eat and pay ur way thru school. u kinda Have to prioritize work?#when it comes to staying in ur boss's favor and keeping regular attendance etc etc etc#there were a number of times i ended up so tired from work id get home and look at an assignment and go 'do i Really need to do this?'#check the syllabus to see how much it's worth. and if i think i can get away with it then i skip it.#but not this semester. i finished every stupid fucking assignment bc there Were no work conflicts like that.#(minus the One quiz i forgot which got dropped anyways. and then the readings and reflections i mentioned above lol)#and as it turns out. when u do Every damn assignment. well that directly translates to better grades.#and see even without working a job. full time school is still fucking punishing.#i kept at it but there were a number of times i felt myself cracking.#held it together thru determination alone. one foot in front of the other. i kept going. i finished. and i did a damn good job of it.#couldnt live that way for too long though. it's no wonder i kept having breakdowns in previous semesters#with me trying to do school while also working. full time school just does Not work for me with that.#and even part time school was more than i could handle well.#but i Can be a good student when i can actually Focus on it. my grades here are evidence enough.#so im feeling pride. and im feeling certainty.#i have 3 classes left to complete before i graduate. and im gonna.#i WILL do well on those classes too. and i WILL graduate in may. im speaking it into existence. i WILL do it.
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cherrylight · 1 year ago
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i actually have MORE pictures of her but i like these two the best !
um. ok. shes also a sona + a self insert! (shes a self insert for 🍒 actually giggling)
her names ashley! i love her so much. shes the reason i started to also go by ashley too! im not really on good terms with gender like almost at all and i go thru so many spirals about it but... she really has been helping me a lot lately with that sort of thing too (along with my other sona too dw) so she means a lot to me <3 i hope you love her just as much as i do!
[ please be nice to me about this if you do decide to rb ! ]
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longagoitwastuesday · 4 months ago
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Going through the Utahim.e tag had me checking several times if at some point I had clicked on the G.ojo/Utahim.e one instead
#It's mainly the ship and mainly ship art. Very pretty btw. There's people with gorgeous styles there#There isn't even a lot of x reader fics haha I guess people don't want to bang Utahime?#Anyway... lowkey wished this happened with Ijichi lol#I so wanted Ijichi to mention or even hint at a mention of Gojo one last time like they did with Nanami#If nothing else for the weight of it all. The weight of feeling your youth dying piece by piece alongside the people who made it out#And everything it implies#Art of Shoko dealing with Gojo's death even in a cold way always strikes hard for that motive but I always love it#with pretty much everyone of those years. There was one piece I saw once that was not explicitly or necessarily romantic about Utahime#being hit by Gojo's death and I don't recall exactly how it was (I think I may have queued it?)#but it moved me more than any piece more clearly emotional that I had seen before#I don't know. I thought it held the potential of that. That weird uncomfortable heartbreaking feeling#of hearing bad news about old friends or classmates and how it makes you realise the weight of time#They suffered and accident. They tried to kill themselves. They are very sick. Their sibling or parent died. And you knew these people#You saw them daily for years. Maybe you weren't close but you knew these people. They cut my bangs when I was eight and I punched them#I tripped over them playing hide and seek and we both lost at the same time. We both hated each other's favourite teacher#They borrowed my pen once and then never gave it back. I once drenched them at the fountain after PE and it was winter but they laughed#Their mother got mad though. Now she's dead. We were made to sit together in French class in middle school. They loved to keep their hair l#Now they're sick and have lost their hair#Their little sibling was so annoying always trying to make us play with them during recess too. It was kinda cute. Now they're dead#I don't know. That kind of stuff#Utahime boosts Gojo and then he dies. Shoko opens him up to make a tool of his body#Ijichi accompanies another kid to clean after him in the meanwhile. And then the realisation hits. He is dead#He was annoying. He was my friend. He was so rude#He had such a sweet tooth. He laughed so loudly. He used to lean over people when talking with them#We were kids once. We are here now. He isn't here anymore. Some of us haven't been here anymore for a long while. It's been so long#He was still young. I am still young. We felt so old. At times it feels as if the time back then didn't happen at all.#And now he's dead and oh it's true he was so annoying but he also had such a sweet tooth. I forgot. What do I do with this memory now?#At times it felt as if the time back then didn't happen at all but then at times it shone through. He brought it back#He asked me a favour knowing I wouldn't betray his secret. He still teased the same way. He still leaned on people. But now he's dead#I don't know if I'm explaining myself well xD I think it's a pretty common emotion when it happens.Oh I forgot to censore words again sorry
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phoenixiancrystallist · 7 months ago
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Month 7, day 3
So my computer might be perma-ded, don't know yet, but here's more designing on that shirt design! Transparent this time so I can see the transparent effects better but they might not transparent correctly on the TeePublic upload. Idk, we'll see! But first I'm gonna finish cleaning this up and playing with effects until I like it so much I don't want to change anything :)
#the great artscapade of 2024#art#my art#Forspoken#Forspoken fan art#Frey Holland#hopefully it actually uploads as transparent bc as I'm typing this it has a white background which is actually hiding the magic effects#but I have it properly transparent in ProCreate so I can still work with it#anyway re: my computer#I think FileVault done goofed somehow because even in safe mode I can't sign in#and when my roommate tried to do a recovery and reinstall the OS it says we can't select the drive#because it's decrypting#which is probably my fault bc I told FileVault to decrypt but it was so I could fix my Mac resetting things whenever I rebooted#iN MY DEFENSE that's what the troubleshooting guide I was following told me to do!!!#I'm starting to think I should just give up on fixing things myself and stick to asking my roommate for help#but I don't usually run into/cause catastrophic errors like this so idk what happened#other than the power outage I speculated yesterday#but I don't actually know why my mac shut off since my stereo and PS5 were still on#which doesn't necessarily rule out a power issue bc this house is held together by unicorn spit and a prayer so the electical is hhhhhshodd#but USUALLY a power flicker bad enough to turn off my Mac also turns off my PS5 and stereo so idk man#idk#anyway here's hoping my Mac fixes itself and lives ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#she named herself Hera she's not supposed to just give up the ghost like this lol#edit: yay it's properly transparent! *\ô/*
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fappellmoan · 2 years ago
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just met dylan mulvaney that was chill
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maiteo · 1 year ago
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can’t watch meu porto just know this is me🫶🏽🐉
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arsen1cs4ng0 · 1 year ago
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fucking hell
#ooookay tw for suicide in the tags. just putting that out there#ive been desperately trying to fix things and relationships in the chip fandom#especially with the influx of people breaking off contact with gremlin. theres been a lot of people who've cut her off#i even got in contact with one of her victims through the chip discord. i helped him with his ''experiences with gremlin/apology'' tweet#<- which is up btw. i quote retweeted it on priv but i might repost it here#but i just feel like my efforts are just completely useless#this mindset was what pushed me to defend my friends throughout 2022. but at the same time its how i got into the shit with ''yuzu''#(quotes cuz yuzu was a sockpuppet. gremlin really thought she could chase me out of the fandom after that shit)#im just too fucking hopeful and too fucking nice#i held hope that there'd be a day where the fandom would be nice again - despite me wanting to kill myself **partially** thanks to gremlin#and in february i **had** to leave if i didnt wanna be dead. im (kinda. emphasis on kinda) back in the fandom now but still#im terrified of talking to people directly about this shit. its taken me a lot for me to open up about this shit to other people privately#especially to the folks in the chip discord. it felt so relieving when i knew i was safe to rant about her and what she did to everyone#ughhhh im yapping about nothing. sorry i sound really annoying about this shit LOL#but i just wanted to chuck my feelings out into the void. its what i do#val being a pissbaby
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gentlethorns · 2 years ago
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fuck dude i have got to find a job where i can be self-employed and creative. i cannot be in fucking retail hell anymore
#she bork#tbd#like now i don't deal w customers which is cool but now that i work at like a big retail store and not a little mall outlet the pressure is#insane. and i have bosses who never say good job or thank you and who have set me up to fail by throwing a department on me that i was not#hired to run or trained for and frankly don't have time to run properly either. so every week just starts w me in our weekly meeting being a#fucking piñata like 'why didn't you get this done 🤨 you need to manage your time better 🤨 you're losing sales 🤨' and i'm like i'm trying!!!!#what more can i do!!!!!! and then the side of it i actually kind of enjoy (which is what i was originally hired to do) is very very hard on#my body bc it's a very physical job (i run the team that unloads the trucks every day and like i'm usually helping unload bc i'm not just#gonna stand there and watch while my team busts their asses lol) and now i'm finding out that it's actually not normal to wake up every day#w your joints screaming and stiff and that i might have a chronic condition (doctor is thinking some sort of chronic inflammatory arthritis#but i won't know if my imaging and blood tests showed anything until like mid-june) and i'm like. so even the part of my job that i don't#mind as much is not good bc it's like actively destroying my body. okay sick 🤠 and i don't wanna quit bc i've only been there for like#eight months and this job would be really valuable on a resume but i don't want it to look like i'm a job hopper or like i'm fickle or#unreliable. so i'm stuck here for a while i think. but the pressure is destroying me mentally and i know i need to find a position somewhere#else that is 1. not fucking goddamn retail bc retail will always be hell and 2. not management bc i don't see myself ever really getting#into upper management but lower/middle management gets shit on the most so if i go somewhere else and end up in middle management i'll be#right back to wanting to kill myself in a matter of months. basically i'm tired of expectations and pressure and stress and i'm tired of#waking up at fucking 2:30 every morning just to go in and get shit on and destroy my body all over something that in the end i do not fuckin#care about. i need to make art and be held accountable by only myself. idk i've been toying w the idea of learning how to tattoo and trying#to start establishing some artistic skill so maybe eventually i can do that? not now bc the economy sucks and that's scary lol and anyway i#have to give myself some time to actually learn the skill and perfect a style. but it makes decent money (at least before the expense of#supplies and taxes) and allows you to travel and still work and also it would be fun. and i could tattoo myself so it would cut some#expenses for me since i cannot stay away from the damn needle. idk lol i need to save some money before i buy a tattoo gun or anything but#i'm considering it bc i am going fucking crazy rn and ik this feeling will leave me eventually but i also know it will come back bc it#always does. and i'm tired of just surviving and just making it through every day and every week like i want to be happy and this is just#not doing it for me anymore#ugh fuck why couldn't i have been born w a brain that likes numbers and code and technology. i love being an artist but it makes finding a#sustainable career really difficult bc i feel so restless and miserable when i'm stuck in a passionless job but my passions are not#particularly profitable. hate it here why wasn't i born a capybara no job no responsibility just squint and squeak and sun
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labetalol · 2 years ago
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can SOMEONE please tell me how to move PAST it. mac voice just move past it. i need to move past it
#you know how like. you would THINK a whirlwind romance would fix you... i thought i needed a fast and crazy relationship however turns#out i'm too mentally ill to actually let GO. to actually KNOW when it's over. i am still hung up on him as#if it isn't the most over it's ever been. it is OVER. girl snap OUT OF IT.#but. then i remember how he. held my hand through the dutch bros drive thru. or when he kissed the top of my head. let me drink#his coffee. asked me where i am so he can swing by to take me to jamba juice#my second ever kiss was in a fucking pharmacy. surrounded by psych meds. i was shaking and he like. hugged me. like girl#i don't even care if like. none of it was real and he just used me. because to me it was real. he loved me at least#the idea of me in those moments and i loved him BACK. girl i would do anything to go back i would do anything#but i know i can't. so instead i am sitting here. holding out that he'd somehow come BACK. he once told me he doesn't want#to mess me up but i threw myself at him because i was so sure the heartbreak will be worth the love. he really was amazing#for just that few months we were buddies. a part of me will always want him and he told me i'll always have a part of his heart but like .#it doesn't matter. never did. because he was never mine to have. never mine to lose. so all of this means nothing. because it never#should have happened. which makes the sadness unbearable lol it shouldn't even be here i am suffering for no fucking reason#fuck my baka life#personal
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dancedance-resolution · 5 months ago
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guys do you want to know something absolutely insane. i was thinking about a catholic related world news event that happened a while ago and thought to myself man, i can only imagine how crazy it must’ve been for the kids going to my old catholic school the day after that happened. so i googled when it happened to see if my best friends little brother was there when it happened and um. I was there when it happened???? lololol i’ve been thinking about it for 20 mins and i think that now i maybe do remember the teeniest tiniest bit going to school after it happened…. anyways as if i needed any more evidence that my time in catholic high school was deeply deeply traumatic to me, it turns out my brain did the trauma response thing of completely erasing my memory of those last two years lol
#TW FOR THESE TAGS. I MENTION SOME SHIT SO STEER CLEAR <3#this is so funny but also kind of sad. it makes me angry that i’m forgetting everything to an extent?#like those events held/hold so much fucking power over me and i can’t even remember what they were lol#my body has a physical reaction to random shit sometimes and i’m like. hmm. i wonder if this just reminded my body of something that happene#d back in high school that was traumatic enough to make me break down right now but also i have no memory of lol#i feel like knowing is a type of power. knowing and being able to identify things make me feel like i have some degree of power over them#here i have no power over the trauma response in even that most basic way of being able to say ‘this was traumatic’ because i don’t know wha#t ‘this’ is lol. ‘this’ is catholic high school when they were shit to me but do i have any concrete evidence or examples to justify that?#no lol. i struggle to point to a single specific moment#it’s so fucking crazy lol#i feel weird about it#you know i’m having deja vu bc i went through this exact same emotional journey regarding my lack of memories of the csa; that’s like 90% of#the stillness of remembering fic lol; but it feels different with this 🤔#maybe bc my first instinct is to invalidate that something as mundane as high school could be so traumatic? although no that’s not the diffe#rence bc i did that to myself with the abuse too 🤔 hmm.#ahhhhh okay i need to finish eating my butter chicken 😋
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p1utofairy · 1 month ago
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holy shit, the glow-up vibes are potent as fuck in this pile! people are going to be in absolute awe of you, pile one. your energy, your body, your face card, and your personality are going to have people bowing the fuck down to you. i'm not feeling any sense of arrogance or conceitedness either – you're just truly about to step into your most powerful and authentic self. this was always destined, pile one. this innate magnetism was always inside of you, but you just never truly knew how to wield it entirely. it's like you were dipping your toes in and out of the water, not sure if you should fully submerge yourself in it and become who you've always known you were, or stay digestible and dim your light so others around you could shine. no more of that. this is, and will continue to be, all about you, pile one. you are shedding the people-pleasing tendencies that have held you back for so long.
you are reclaiming your power. you have such a kind heart with a fierce spirit, and you've been suppressing that fierce side of you in fear of what others may think of you or say about you. too many times, you've had your back kicked in at the expense of sparing another person's feelings, and your spirit guides are getting restless from the sidelines watching you repeat these same situations time and time again. they're giving you the green light to boss the fuck up and show these people what you're made of. they're telling me that this is a rebirth for you.
i see you experimenting with your wardrobe and appearance: more sexy, more bold, and more alluring. dark eyeliner, sheer stockings, red tops, lace, denim, corsets, etc. showing more of yourself but still keeping it classy. i'm being drawn to alexa demie, 2000s meagan good/megan fox, and gabriette. very siren-like and hard to miss. this is going to be completely new to you, but it's going to feel sooo good and rewarding. a lot of what you used to say yes to is going to turn into straight no's.
you're going to notice a shift in the people, opportunities, and love offers you attract as well – more fruitful and abundant. they align more with the lifestyle you've always wanted for yourself now that you're rejecting the projections and expectations that no longer serve who you are at the core. you will not be settling for less, pile one, that's for sure! i'm hearing that it's basically giving your pinterest boards come to life lol. i love that for you. things that you've been specifically journaling about and manifesting for yourself are going to come to you with no effort – it's almost going to be alarming. it's like you've been waiting, waiting, waiting, thinking someone was going to come along and shift your reality for you, when really you were the key all along.
i'm seeing a lot of yellow and orange, so your solar plexus and sacral chakra are going to be so fucking activated. you're going to be very selective and protective of your energy, as you should. you'll just be like, wow, what took me so long to lean more into this side of myself? it was necessary, though, because it opened your eyes to the world we live in and how you have to operate and not short-change yourself in spite of what others want or expect from you. some people might not like this transformation of yours, but that's simply not your problem, and those people are not on your same frequency. you already spark a lot of jealousy, but this energy shift right here?! whew. hoes mad, pile one! i'm like seeing tiktok edits in my head of the hot villainous characters like katherine pierce and jennifer check lmao. you're winning, and they're not, my loves!
OTHER CHANNELED MESSAGES:
ashwini, ballin' by partynextdoor, unhealthy codependency, anuradha, tall in height, 1st house, neptune energy, neptune-asc, blick sum by latto ft. playboi carti, manifest it, shatabisha, fashion/modeling industry. scorpio, aries, aquarius.
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things have been seeming very redundant lately, pile two. you've been craving change for a while now. i'm picking up that you're really at your wits' end in regards to the job you're currently working at and/or all the responsibilities you have on your shoulders. you've been pushing yourself so hard, but you're starting to wonder if any of it was worth it because you're not seeing the payoff just yet. you might be feeling overlooked or undervalued at the moment, but i definitely see things changing for you.
i see a new job/financial opportunity making its way to you, and it aligns more with what you love to do. it's an offer definitely worth taking, pile two! this is the beginning of something that's going to catapult you to the next level. i see this one opportunity leading to an elevation of your life. it's a chance of a lifetime. you're closing out this current cycle of stagnancy and getting the ball rolling on your desires and the lifestyle you've always wanted for yourself. this isn't on a small scale either, this is huge. it's damn near like whiplash – so sudden and unexpected but very well deserved.
i see you gaining more friends and networking with people that advance you and pour into you as much as you pour into others. this is oddly specific, but i feel like some of you have some very mean-spirited co-workers around you. do not tell these people your plans or anything personal, because they really don't like you (projection because they really don't like themselves lol), and they're secretly sending you the evil eye. if you don't have an idea of who specifically this could be, just know they definitely smile in your face and pose as someone who likes you but say things behind your back that prove otherwise. they're not stopping shit though, so your spirit guides want me to tell you that you have nothing to worry about.
for my singles, i was also picking up on a new romantic suitor having their eyes on you. this person could have a charming and bit of a cocky vibe going for them – they usually like to be chased rather than do the chasing, but something about you is intriguing to them. for some of you that have just gotten out of a relationship, i see you have a couple of options to choose from. there's this energy of being amused and entertained. a lot of people are going to find you to be very irresistible, and the way you carry yourself so gracefully will have many heads turning.
for those of you that are in a committed relationship, i see you two becoming even closer and more vulnerable with each other. any walls you've built around yourself in fear of disappointment or regret will finally be dropped as you learn to trust not only yourself but your partner fully as well. one more thing i will say is that you should make sure you're budgeting your finances properly and remember to take care of any debts you may owe, okay? 444 on the clock. everything is working out in your favor you shall soon see.
OTHER CHANNELED MESSAGES:
6th house, krittika, dark skin, when one door closes another one opens, revati, transformation, jyestha sprung, ideal partner/dream person, taurus, pisces, scorpio moon, nasty by tinashe, fever by dua lipa & angèle.
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you've really been keeping to yourself huh, pile three? you could be clashing a lot with your parents/family or just feeling misunderstood by the people closest to you. i feel like things have been a bit chaotic and unstable in your life, especially in regards to your home environment. one minute things are good, but when things get bad, they get pretty fucking bad. ugh, pile three.
i feel like you're very sensitive to your environment, and whatever is going on around you, you absorb it like a sponge. there's inner child wounds that you're working on, and it's really not easy, but your spirit guides want you to know that they're so fucking proud of you. you're doing the work that others weren't brave enough to do in order to heal yourself and your bloodline. some of you might have a very dysfunctional family, and it weighs heavy on you; most times you have to tiptoe around your emotions in order to keep the peace.
i'm also picking up that some of you might have older sibling syndrome – there's immense pressure and expectations put on you since you were a child. whatever the case may be, i feel like you actively doing the work is going to unlock a part of yourself you never really knew was inside. i can feel the passion, the dedication, and the motivation buzzing off you, pile three. 2025 is gonna be your year. the martian energy is strong in this pile. i feel like you had to learn the lessons and really sit back and observe the dynamics around you to come to the realization that NO, you do not want that for yourself and the ones that come after you. you want something stable, something emotionally fulfilling, something that makes you feel free in so many ways than one. you're a very compassionate and selfless person, and you will find someone who will pour equally into you as you do them.
this person that you're attracting is deeply committed, patient, financially secure, thoughtful, and extremely grounded. you'll never be an afterthought when it comes to this person – they'll support you and guide you (if you need them to) every step of the way. you're so used to figuring things out on your own and having to think for others, but this person wants you to simply relax and just be. i can see you pacing back and forth, venting to them, and just going on and on, listing every single thing you need to get done and do for this one and that one. and i can just see them sitting but rising to their feet and slowly walking over to you with this calm demeanor, putting their hands on your shoulders, and it's like everything melts away. they want me to reassure you that you're not alone – they want to carry the weight and release the burdens off of you because they recognize that no one has truly showed up and out for you the way you do for others. this is very beautiful energy, pile three.
as you step into this new chapter, you’ll realize that some of your past connections were often just bandaids for wounds you hadn’t healed yet. there’s a lot of clarity about your self-worth here. some of you might be working through daddy issues, and this healing is part of why you’re ready for a deeper love now. this is very specific and may not apply to all, but i keep picking up on pregnancy energy, so if you're ready for that, i do see potential for that with this person you're attracting. if not, then just be mindful of that lol. on the flip side, the person could have a kid, but again, this is just some scenarios i'm picking up on for a small fraction of you. i do see you getting long-awaited closure with a specific person or family member. when that happens, it’s going to feel like a massive weight has been lifted. pile three, this is your time to heal, grow, and attract the life and love you deserve. it’s so beautiful.
OTHER CHANNELED MESSAGES:
faking it by calvin harris ft. kehlani & lil yachty, bharani, pussy power, all of the answers are within you so trust yourself, big d energy, a father, purva ashada, having receipts, dhanishta, capricorn, aquarius, pyrmaids by frank ocean, sagittarius, aries, coffee fucking by miguel ft. wale.
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mind over matter...hm. that's what i keep hearing, pile four. i feel like you're in your head about something regarding your work-life balance. it's like you deprive yourself of going out and having fun because you worry you'll be overspending or won't have enough time; but i feel like this mentality is causing you to miss out on some really fun moments and memories, especially with your friends.
you're very responsible (almost to a fault, according to your spirit guides lol), and because you're so practical and matter-of-fact, you don't give yourself enough room to be spontaneous and open. for example, if you just got off work and a friend invites you out, you might think about the laundry you could be doing or some work you could be catching up on instead of just saying, "fuck it, yeah, let's go have some fun." gatekeeping yourself isn’t going to get you very far, pile four.
you're meant to be seen, and you're meant to let your inner child run free and have fun. keeping yourself tucked away in your room or isolating yourself is doing more harm than good - your spirit guides really want you to know this. there are potential love interests you don’t even notice because you're not putting yourself out there enough! some of you might have bad social anxiety, and being around new energies might feel overwhelming, but your guides want you to know you can work through this, slowly but surely - you've just got to start somewhere.
your quirkiness could open so many doors for you, and you don’t even realize it yet. there are so many people you're destined to meet and connect with on a soul level because you have such a unique spirit. you have this way of making people feel seen and heard. if you're single, i feel like your next romantic connection will be incredibly healing in so many ways. some of your past lovers or friends might have made you feel misunderstood or undervalued, but that’s going to change. this is just a quick sidebar, but i feel like you’ve got people (unbeknownst to you) talking about you or your personal business. so, be careful who you confide in because not everyone is your friend, especially in a work or school environment. even if they don’t know anything about you, it seems like they’re speculating and gossiping about you with others.
but anyways i feel like this "mind over matter" mentality comes from wanting to control situations and outcomes, and while it’s great to have self-awareness and discernment, it can also be debilitating: if you let it. i feel like you’re about to start challenging yourself to socialize more and just not give a fuck. wherever the day or night takes you, it takes you. it doesn’t always have to be a club or party, but even if it is, you’re still giving yourself the freedom to have fun and live in the moment.
your job will still be there the next day, okay? your laundry too. but memories? they last forever. so please don’t deprive yourself of the good ones, pile four. you are so worthy of them.
OTHER CHANNELED MESSAGES:
hit me hard and soft album by billie eilish, vishaka, want more for yourself, magha, pay attention to the signs, moon energy, this person is manifesting you, pisces moon, purva phalguni, co-workers gossiping about you, leo, scorpio, libra, 11:11.
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