#but. then i remember how he. held my hand through the dutch bros drive thru. or when he kissed the top of my head. let me drink
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can SOMEONE please tell me how to move PAST it. mac voice just move past it. i need to move past it
#you know how like. you would THINK a whirlwind romance would fix you... i thought i needed a fast and crazy relationship however turns#out i'm too mentally ill to actually let GO. to actually KNOW when it's over. i am still hung up on him as#if it isn't the most over it's ever been. it is OVER. girl snap OUT OF IT.#but. then i remember how he. held my hand through the dutch bros drive thru. or when he kissed the top of my head. let me drink#his coffee. asked me where i am so he can swing by to take me to jamba juice#my second ever kiss was in a fucking pharmacy. surrounded by psych meds. i was shaking and he like. hugged me. like girl#i don't even care if like. none of it was real and he just used me. because to me it was real. he loved me at least#the idea of me in those moments and i loved him BACK. girl i would do anything to go back i would do anything#but i know i can't. so instead i am sitting here. holding out that he'd somehow come BACK. he once told me he doesn't want#to mess me up but i threw myself at him because i was so sure the heartbreak will be worth the love. he really was amazing#for just that few months we were buddies. a part of me will always want him and he told me i'll always have a part of his heart but like .#it doesn't matter. never did. because he was never mine to have. never mine to lose. so all of this means nothing. because it never#should have happened. which makes the sadness unbearable lol it shouldn't even be here i am suffering for no fucking reason#fuck my baka life#personal
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