#and i have no motivation to study so even if i was able to retake it tomorrow id forget what we learned about so hshahahshajjq
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winryrockbellwannabe Ā· 10 months ago
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38-41 dop - [20 - 23/january]
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hmm weird days tbh.
I barely remember anything about them except that i studied for my Biophysics test, and then i took it yesterday lol. It went well btw.
šŸ“· Also, i realized that filming myself while studying is a good way to keep myself accountable when I don't feel that much motivation. And everytime i try to look at my phone i remember it's filming, which stops me from reaching for it and guilt trips me to keep studying, so another advantage :))
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............. now about āœØtodayāœØ ..................
42 dop (January 24th)
surprisingly good day
I woke up feeling so meh, barely managed to do anything in the morning. But then my friend was feeling off as well, and he called me.
šŸ²It really changed my mood immediately, i managed to prepare my lunch, do the dishes, and prepare myself to take a shower. So then we decided to videochat in the afternoon to study together. I somehow managed to revise half the topics for my Biostats exam (im going to retake it)
šŸ‘©šŸ»ā€šŸ’» Even tho my friend still wasn't in the mood for studying, i somehow still managed to be productive, i think i just needed some human contact to give me the strength to actually move and do the stuff i wanted to do, bc i was basically in freeze mode, which sucked.
šŸ‘©šŸ»ā€šŸŽ“ We also did some research about our master degree options and subjects, we usually can't choose which subjects to take (they're mandatory of the degree) but in our master's we'll be able to choose a few optionals from a selection, so we also discussed those a bit and searched about it during my study breaks.
Aand now im going to study some more :)) Hope y'all have a wonderful day šŸ¦‹
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beyejun Ā· 1 year ago
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hi everyone this is laur (except im changing my alias to august) and i figured i'd do all of my muse announcements in one lil post <3
first of all, you might have noticed that i've k*lled alex. it wasn't a lack of muse so much as i felt that he didn't suit wannabe's premise as much as i'd hoped he'd evolve into. even after his closest friends were getting signed, he had no interest in being an idol so it was kinda a lost cause there... plus, i had wanted to bring yejun back since i dropped him about a year ago, and didn't want to break any rules, so... here we are now!
if u remember yejun you might also remember that i dropped him almost exactly a year ago bc of my terrible seasonal depression. well, i am happy to report that i am doing much better (so far) this year and regularly taking vitamin d makes a huge difference! so now the boy is here to stay.
very little changed about him, but i'll still do a quick recap under the cut!
a lot of this is copied-pasted from my last intro post on yejun... work smarter not harder aksjdhfas
tl;dr of any changes
i changed his history a bit so the last year+ was spent doing his military service; he's only recently returned in time to return to his studies this fall semester.
he's in @bejoomi's band! drummer (which is also a new skill).
tl;dr of his backstory
knew he wanted to pursue music professionally basically since middle school, however his parents are extremely opposed to the idea and would rather see him do something moreĀ ā€œrespectableā€ (aka something that heā€™ll actually make money at lol)
saved up his allowance to buy his own guitar and taught himself to play with the help of youtube because his parents said that if they were going to pay for instrument lessons, heā€™d have to learn violin or piano or something moreĀ ā€œformalā€ā€¦ so as u can see as a child he was (respectfully) defiant and did his own thing anyway (also learned the drums somehow in this time)
he made a deal w his parents that if he could get scouted by an entertainment company by the time he graduated high school, he could pursue music. obviously, he is not a trainee or an idol, so that failed. so his end of the bargain was that heā€™d go to university for whatever they wanted instead.
he had to retake the exam once bc the first time he took it his scores were so bad so he started a year late and is currently in his sophomore year as an economics major. itā€™s still a mild disappointment to his parents since he has a brother who is a lawyer and the other is in med school, but it was the best program that yejun could get into.
needless to say. he hates economics. heā€™s doing his best but his motivation is at an all time low, he constantly feels burned out and tired, and honestly heā€™s probably depressed but he doesnā€™t know it bc he doesnā€™t think heā€™sĀ ā€œbad enoughā€ to beĀ ā€œactually depressedā€ but he is just gaslighting himself honestly
interests and personality quirks
since starting economics school heā€™s slowly lost motivation to do anything that he used to do for fun, which unfortunately includes playing guitar. he hasnā€™t touched it in about a yearā€¦ :( he is playing drums again tho
does the bedtime revenge thing where he stays up late when he really shouldnā€™tā€¦ he says itā€™s bc he doesnā€™t want to wake up and have to go to class
because he doesnā€™t sleep much at night he survives on a delicate balance between a caffeine addiction (he loves a good iced americano) and mid-day depression naps.
kinda hard to get him out and about these daysā€¦ but that said heā€™s into video games, mostly team-based first person shooters, and is apparently a tank main. i donā€™t actually play any first person shooters so i have no idea of the details on this but heā€™s supposedly a decent player (nowhere near pro but able to be somewhat competitive in casual games)ā€¦ when heā€™s staying up all night heā€™s probably playing games with his friends
also plays minecraft when he wants something slower pacedā€¦ not particularly good at anything in it but he likes building his silly little house
oh by the way! he has an aunt who lives near his parents who visited oftenā€¦ sheā€™d often make remarks about his chubby cheeks, call him fat and ugly, and after growing up hearing that constantly yejun honestly believes her
another fun (and by fun i mean decidedly unfun) tidbit is that he had a gf he was very serious about in his freshman yr of uniā€¦ it was a relatively short relationship but he genuinely thought heā€™d marry her. until she gave him chlamydia right after he came home from the military (he was going to propose too btw). turns out she was cheating! needless to say they broke up, yejun is now healthy after a round of antibiotics, and he doesnā€™t want to talk about her ever again. he tried a rebound or two to see if theyā€™d cheer him up but they honestly made him feel worse so he ditched that idea pretty quicklyā€¦ happy to stay single for now (supposedly)
plots & relationships
this boyā€¦ needs some friends in his life thatā€™ll deal with his depressive tendencies and maybe push him out of his comfort zone. maybe a friend who keeps trying to set him up w other girls to help him find someone whoĀ actuallyĀ makes him forget about his ex? or a friend who invites him out for coffee at least once a week just to make sure he gets out of the house for something other than classes sometimesā€¦ other cute ideas too pls i would like to put so much love into his life he has no choice but to get better
classmates too ofcā€¦ i dont expect anyone else to be an economics major but maybe they had some gen eds together? or were in the same freshman orientation and stayed in touch? i didnā€™t specify where heā€™s going but itā€™s not an arts school, so this is open for plotting out the details!
along w classmatesā€¦ study buddies? they dont have to go to the same school or anything tbh they can just meet up at the same libraries, cafes, etc. and work on their own stuffā€¦ just having someone else around helps keep yejun on track a little bit better
high school friends tooā€¦ he went to sopa thanks to the deal w his parents, so anyone he was close with then wouldā€™ve probably known about it and known what became of itā€¦ heā€™s a lot quieter and more subdued than he used to be so i wonder what your muse would think about that šŸ¤”
i also do love some good antagonistic plots so maybe some old rivals who are happy to kick him while heā€™s downā€¦ alternatively rivals who miss his competition and want him back in the music/idol wannabe scene to help push them both
considered the idea of him having been in a band in high school with friends thatā€™s since dissolvedā€¦ so ex-bandmates might be cool
he's in dead calm but there's no rules that say he can't also play in another band as well! maybe someone should convince him to pick up the guitar again
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princess-of-the-corner Ā· 2 years ago
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I think itā€™d be interesting for Justin to still call Stevie pure evil only for Alex to call him out on it saying that she is kinda right
That itā€™s not fair for only 1 sibling to keep their powers,
True.
I think his initial reaction is less about her motives and more her actions? Not that she canonically /does/ much that was bad but maybe make her a little worse in some ways even if she ultimately has a point
I'm also thinking.....
We have the plot of the Council trying to take Alex's Magic, and Alex resisting. Then during the time their dad and his siblings had to retake the test and were temporarily given their Magic back, their Magic started resisting too. And the Council had to be like 'uh. We're having technical difficulties. Just. We'll come back for this try not to go fuckin nuts' and left them like that for now but with the intent to figure out some shit and possibly just deal with all of them at once.
Of course, word of this would get out in the Wizard World.
And if Stevie, a girl who is starting a rebellion of Wizards who want the Competition to end, finds about about a family or even just Alex specifically who resisted having their Magic taken....
Stevie showing up at Alex's school wouldn't be a coincidence. It was planned as a recruitment and intent to study into why she was able to resist and how she can use that.
So Justin calling Stevie 'evil' is less about her want to stop the Competition, but about how she showed up to manipulate and use Alex for her own wants.
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twomanyfandomshelp Ā· 5 months ago
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This turned out to be way longer than I expected, rant/vent (I have no idea what the difference is) under the cut.
I was put into my schoolā€™s gifted program in the first grade. Throughout elementary school, I was pulled out of classes and taught more advanced math and language arts in separate rooms.
When I got to middle school, the gifted kids were in a separate hallway and the only time we interacted with the non-gifted kids was during our connections (noncore classes, mine were chorus and theater).
In high school, the classes are separated into gifted/honors and college prep aka cp (fancy way of saying not gifted). The gifted classes are considered harder than cp because we typically have faster paced lessons, harder tests, and learn more material. Even my Spanish class was gifted/honors. The only class where I interact with non-gifted kids is theater.
The way that our school system is set up, separating the gifted kids from everyone else, can be very isolating and dividing. A lot of gifted kids think theyā€™re better than the other students because thatā€™s what theyā€™ve been told since elementary school, and a lot of the other students hate gifted kids because they think we get special treatment.
The summer before I started high school, me, my parents, and one of our really good family friends who was an assistant principal sat down and wrote out my schedule for all four years of high school, including every club I should be in, and by the end of high school Iā€™m supposed to have taken 13 AP classes.
Sophomore year was the first year I started to struggle. I struggled with motivation to do schoolwork, as soon as I got home I just wanted to do nothing because I was so burnt out and exhausted. When I would try to do homework I would just get distracted and forget. In language arts, I struggled with writing because I just wasnā€™t interested in the topics we had to write about.
The math class I took was a combination of advanced algebra two and AP precal, where we learned algebra two the first semester and AP precal the second semester. The first semester was easy because I had already learned everything the year before. But when second semester came around, I didnā€™t understand one crucial lesson that everything was built on and it all came crashing down. The first test that semester, I got a 64, and I literally had a breakdown on my bedroom floor. For so long, so much of my worth had been tied to doing well in school and being the smart kid. But I had no idea how to study. I had no idea how to take notes that worked for me. Because I was so used to listening to the lesson, watching a couple practice problems, and being able to do any problem I was given. I had no idea how to help myself.
But I didnā€™t want to ask for help, because that felt like admitting that I wasnā€™t good enough anymore, wasnā€™t smart enough anymore, wasnā€™t enough anymore. So I just taught myself. And I got a 92 on the retake.
Later that semester, I failed another math test. And, once again, I had a breakdown, sobbing on my bedroom floor. The only difference this time was that my mom walked in. And when she asked why I was crying, that just made me cry more. She comforted me, and reassured me that I was more than one bad test grade, but school, and math in particular, was supposed to be the thing I was best at. My dadā€™s a math teacher for crying out loud. I was so used to acing every test and being the best that failing absolutely destroyed my sense of selfworth and confidence. I had to rebuild it from the ground up.
And that part of me is still there. Still screaming that I have to do well in school and I have to make my parents and teachers proud.
Everyone in my life is always bragging about my grades and how smart I am and how well I do in school. They donā€™t mean to put pressure on me, but it can be too much sometimes. I know they mean well, and theyā€™re just trying to show that theyā€™re proud of me, but it just resulted in my brain thinking I have to do well in school to be worthy of praise, and that if I didnā€™t do well I would be a failure or not worth anything.
Thereā€™s also the fact that my parents are always talking about college, and I want to be a doctor, so I need to have good grades and take hard classes and be in a lot of clubs in order to get into a good college so I can get into medical school. And itā€™s terrifying to think about how close all of that is. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to elementary school, when being gifted just meant getting pulled out of class and getting to do fun activities that the rest of the students didnā€™t. But I canā€™t. And now Iā€™m stuck in high school, where gifted means youā€™re expected to take all these AP classes and do dual enrollment and have your future all planned out. But I donā€™t. And itā€™s terrifying. Everyoneā€™s always saying, enjoy high school, have fun, make friends, and do the things you want to do. But then everyone is also saying that you have to do well if you want to get into a good college and have a successful career and a fulfilling life.
Iā€™m trying to do better. I really am. But itā€™s hard when youā€™ve been praised for something your whole life and then suddenly you canā€™t really do that thing anymore.
Iā€™m going into my junior year soon. Iā€™m taking five AP classes, Iā€™m the president of two clubs, and Iā€™m terrified. Iā€™m worried about my lack of motivation. Iā€™m worried about everything just becoming too much. Iā€™m worried that Iā€™ll have no idea what to do. But Iā€™m just going to do my best. Because thatā€™s all I really can do.
people misunderstand whatĀ ā€˜gifted kidā€™ actually means but itā€™s ok itā€™s fine itā€™s cool itā€™s good
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santamaria-c100 Ā· 1 year ago
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This semester was a struggle.Ā 
Transitioning from the pandemic yearsā€™ remote learning into this new semesterā€™s blended face-to-face set up hasnā€™t been the easiest for me. Itā€™s been exciting, for sure, but the adjustment has been tough for me and balancing my life, rest, and work has been absolutely overwhelming. Iā€™ve also just shifted into a new course this semester (film, my dream course!) and while I definitely feel much more at peace, working towards something I feel is worth it, itā€™s been a whole lot of new.Ā 
Partway through the semester, I set out to file a leave of absence (my second). I was motivated by quite a few reasons: I felt I was in over my depth shifting mid-schoolyear, I was approaching my last semesters under the free tuition act and was worried my status as irregular would delay me even more than I needed to, and I just felt an overwhelming desire for rest. I gradually disappeared from most of my classes and left a lot of work neglected, but I was eventually unable to go through with my application and I ended up stacked with half a semesterā€™s worth of schoolwork to finish. Catching up was... quite a lot.
In spite of it all, this semesterā€™s Comm 100 classes has been a shining spot for me these last couple months. Mornings are not the easiest for me, and I typically end my nights very late and find myself with very few hours of sleep. However, even in the wee hours of the morning and even as I was contemplating taking a LOA, I always found the energy to brave the commute for this class (my only one on Fridays.Ā 
I took most of this classā€™ coverage before in UPLB, though I had to retake it this semester since my previous class isnā€™t eligible to be credited, and as a new Maskom shiftee this course was necessary for nearly all my other classes. Despite this, this class has always kept things so fresh. I really appreciated how your perspective as a media practitioner provided so much valuable insight, more than just from a curriculum or a study guide. All your anecdotes and jokes, and the welcoming atmosphere in the classroom kept me sane, and grounded much of the learning into something meaningful. The requirements were also rewarding to accomplish (despite taking me way too long to finish them) and it was fun to exercise my creative skills. I especially loved getting to draw both my groupā€™s mascot and my final TV souvenir.
Dearest Maā€™am Tessa, I know you are seeing this message way later than you should be, and Iā€™m really sorry for how tardy Iā€™ve been with my requirements this semester, but I am so grateful to have taken this class under you. Thank you so much for your patience, warmth, and wisdom. I hope I was able to express a little part of me in each of these souvenirs, and that youā€™d be able to get to know me better as you go through them all.Ā 
ā¤ļø Andy
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ace-with--a-mace Ā· 3 years ago
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been at school a little less than a month and i already got a c in math šŸ˜
#what if i was suicidal#what if that was my last straw#NO BCUZ WE TOOK A TEST AND IT WAS 12 QUESTIONS AND I LNEW TBE MATERIAL BUT I ALEAYS BLANK TAKING TESTS#AND IN ALM MY CLASSWORK AND HOMEWORK I GET EVERYTHING RIGHT AND THE CW+HW % IS EQUAL TO THE TEST %#SO ALL MY HOMEWORK SHOULD'VE CURVED MY GRADE BUT MY TEACHER ONLY RAISED IT BY 2 POINTS AND I CANT DO RETAKES BC MY MOM DOESNT GET HOME EARL#early FRO. WORK SO NOW I HAVE ALL As AND A 74 ON MY PROGRESS REPORT brb crying#stupid geometry and trigonometry or whatever we're learning that im not gonna use irl after i graduate#l speaks#shut up l#suicide mention#i wanna ask her if i can retake it during class but every day we learn something and get cw/hw so id fall behind#but i cant make it in the morning to retake it so ighghghghhghghggbg ima kms stG /hj#ranting in the tags because i can#hate math tests i always blank when i lnow the material and i fail TH e easiest questions#and i have no motivation to study so even if i was able to retake it tomorrow id forget what we learned about so hshahahshajjq#im fine#literally a week into the school year i could feel my mental health drop i h8 that place but i love my friends do you see my problem#also i did my hair and i washed it but m#jt wad straight so washing it made it curly again and my moms gonna get upset so double homicide šŸ’€ im gonna run away#like those ppl on tiktok ima run away with 2 crackers to my name#theyre giving out progress reports mext#next week so i have until tomorrow at 4 to do the retake to have it count or else my mom'll flip#anyways uhm i think i might scroll on here then study then watch owl house lr adventure time or rta and then sleep and pray i dont get in#trouble
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gusgoose69 Ā· 2 years ago
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I know I'm not really the exact target demograohic as someone at least outwardly mentally and phisically healthy, but as someone who feels like theyre just loosing regular ol sanity and resistance to what other people seem to think is all just fine to expect me to do.
this was going to go into the tags but i want to actually post a rant as if it matters so uhh
i have an exam tomorrow and I'm feeling like garbage because I've not prepared at all. It's because I had a really really bad semester with like a whole month of being ill with probably covid but i never actually checked and chronic fatigue for like 3 months and the perfectionist in me wouldn't let me rest or be sick so i just forced myself to go to classes and perpetuated it all.
Now I am left with zero recolection of the class content from this half of the year and I am surely going to fail. I just didn't or couldn't study, focus, produce coursework or turn up to many of the lessons.
I have the school's mental health services behind me but that'll only really help with getting retake exams guaranteed. The councelors have been very typical in that they seem to just say "ah yes it seems as though you are aware of what's wrong and what to do" which no i fucking do not. I need an actual psychiatrist so bad but idk how to go to that I am somewhat scared of being infantalised as someone who definately is on the adhd and asd spectrums which from what i've heard is a very real possibility.
Dieting and exercise has been tough and I feel just guilty. I'm not even eating that unhealthy I think i just have an ed again is only getting more of a grasp on me since i always feel fat because of stress eating in previous semesters and I just dont want to exist in my own skin. thats not even broaching onto gender and those problems but thats for later at this point. trying to diet with no plan and a reliance on food for enjoyment in the day quite alot of the time as someone whos a very very hungry dude is tough.
Jesus christ dude I had hope of me actually getting a bit better at this shit this year.
I'm a failure and i know thats ok and that i should hold myself to the same standards as i hold others but it still hurts. and it hasn't even happened yet. i hate this. impending doom of the most menial proportion.
i feel fine but i just want to be able to relax and enjoy myself for once in my fucking life. i want to not be either stressed from boredom in summer or regular stressed during semester time. I want to actually be able to have friends in summer and actually have fun for once in my life. i hate living at home surrounded by all those stupid piss ugly fields. It all sucks and I just don't enjoy any of this cycle. why did i think 'ah yes of course, four years of grueling work is a perfectly reasonable requirement to be able to live as a real person' and not just go live as a real person.
part of me really wants to give up and just not do any more of my course and just buy tears of the kingdom and not revise any more but a very core part of mte just would't accept that so I want to keep working but knowing that this will fail initially and then I can try again soon means that I can just not worry means I'm not worried therefore not motivated and not able to do the work. but if the exam is important then its unsalvageable and that sucks and im stressed the fuck out and cant work because the second i try and work I
I'm just loosing my mind out here man. and im sleepy good night to you all
sending love out tonight to everyone who is progressively losing their abilities, whether that's movement, ability to walk, eyesight, or hearing.
it's hard to come to terms with the fact that you can't do things that you used to be able to do. I'll be honest, it feels like you're losing control of your life. it can feel very isolating and hopeless. its scary and overwhelming, and it's so hard to deal with.
you are not less than just because you can do less. im proud of you for still being here, and i wish you ease with adjusting to new ways of life. please take care of yourself, i love you.
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theunaestheticstudyblr Ā· 3 years ago
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Are y'all ready for a tough conversation? Because I think many of us need to hear this.
Are you overworking, glorifying burnout and productivity because you actually enjoy it or because you feel something. Like you have to prove something. Ignore something. Distract yourself. Be better than everyone else. Stand out. Make other proud. Which is it? Do you actually get joy out of getting up at 5am and working all day long, living a picturesque version of what you believe life should be for pretty photos, bragging rights, and/or trying to prove something? Are you scheduling your days full of things to do to avoid dealing with something? To keep your mind so busy you can't even bother to worry about anything else? Are you spending extra hours a week to create an aesthetic catered to people around you and not yourself? Are you actually happy with all of this? All your actions? All your choices?
I'm not saying that you are doing any of this. You might actually truly enjoy it, and if so, that's amazing!!! I myself am someone who loves to get up early and be busy. I love excelling. I love working hard. But my motivations for doing so are now for me. Before, they were for other people. I went to college because it was expected of me. I did everything to please someone else. I loved doing it, but didn't know why it also made me so drained, hate-filled, and extremely destructive. Now, I get up at 5 am and I don't start studying or working out like I used to. I go down to the water, watch the sunrise, and take my ferret on a walk. I don't drink coffee with little sugar and creamer. Now I drink it so sweet because that's how I like it and fuck my ex for making me think I'm somehow lesser for that. Now I study because I love learning. I read biographies and autobiographies and true stories to learn about things I enjoy, not to be able to fit the mold my dad created for me. I stopped with my bujo because it stopped becoming about me and being productive and creative and became about the notes. I deleted my old studyblr because it wasn't about me and my studies anymore, it was about the notes. I work hard at work because I love my job, not for praise.
Here's the uncomfortable part. I used to drown myself in work and school and restrictions because of trauma, self doubt, depression, etc. I was miserable and so caught up in this image of perfection and trying to reach some goal that I didn't even know what it was. It was nothing but a negative cycle of hate and abuse on myself for merely being human and experiencing human things. But here I am, 7:47am on a holiday, in bed in my pj's with unwashed hair and sunshine and birdsongs filling my room and I don't hate myself or feel bad for still being in bed. I'm not going to punish myself later. I'm not going to drag it through my day. I understand that I worked really hard this whole week and today's a holiday and I'm allowed to rest as my body wants. I'm allowed to eat as my body wants. I'm allowed to relax and just exist with no end goal in mind. I'm 15lbs heavier than I used to be. I have clothes on my floor and a cluttered desk and a p-trap with dirt in it from a stupid idea. I don't have a calender full of alarms and reminders. I don't have an agenda or a bujo or anything like that. What I do have now, is self respect, self love, and self reliance. And through that, I have better relationships with those around me who support me and respect that I am my own person. I own up to my mistakes and I don't beat myself up over them anymore. I failed a test? There's more. I failed the class? I can retake it. I woke up late? My body needed that extra rest. I didn't finish my sets? That's ok!
Trauma, depression, anxiety, ocd, adhd, addiction, etc can all cause you to push yourself to the point past breaking. It can destroy your life physically and mentally. And it all did for me. And it was a tough realization and a lot of hard choices. But I'm so thankful for the woman who spent those nights crying and comforting herself. I'm so thankful for the woman who stayed sober those nights she wanted nothing more than to disappear. I'm so thankful for that woman who was pushed too far and snapped and was alone. I'm so thankful for that woman who almost smashed every mirror in the house because she wanted to grow instead of being caught up on how she was gaining weight (I just hung towels over them or kept the lights off instead). I'm so thankful for the woman who got up and walked out of rooms instead of throwing a fist. I'm so thankful for the woman who went through so much to get me here today. And I'm beyond thankful for those who were there with me through the years it took. Who let me fall and let me pick myself back up and who answered the phone at 3am and who helped me so much through all of this. And I'm so thankful for my sister for having the guts to tell me that my studies, my need to constantly be busy, was nothing more to me than just another addiction to numb myself instead of work on myself.
So this year, I ask you to question your motives, and if you're ready and able and have a good support system (I'm always here for you even if I don't know you), to work on yourself. I ask you to be selfish. I ask you to finally do things for you because they make you HAPPY. This year, I ask you to LET yourself be happy, because love, you deserve it more than you'll ever know.
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jiminrings Ā· 4 years ago
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hellooo can i request a drabble of uni!au art major tae and biochem major yn? also part one of the would you series is AMAZINGGG seriously i cant wait to read more!! <3
rich kid kim
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pairing: taehyung x y/n
wordcount: 5k
glimpse: taeā€™s cold and probably needs a friend more than he needs a model, y/n feels this nEED to take care of him, a term of enderment then a dash of emotional constipation and a sprinkle of jealousy :D
notes: thank you for the request babes!! writing this made my heart melt and aND!!! thank you omg iā€™m glad you like would you :((
if you squint or if youā€™ve read insufferable, this is most probably taehyung and his y/n!!!
taehyung is personally more than willing to pay himself out of this project
oKAY LISTEN
heā€™s not the proudest knowing that he comes from a rich family and heā€™s the only kid and heā€™s never really struggled for much
everything was just given to him without any hesitations whatsoever
and yeah he admits that he can nEVER admit that his pampered and luxurious lifestyle since birth has shaped him to be this way and itā€™s hard to unlearn these types of things
things were too easy for him and thAtā€™s what made it hard
tae is the farthest thing from an outcast..,.,.,.,
.,.,. but thatā€™s him in his usual rich boi bubble of elites wherever he goes because heā€™s surrounded by people like him
hoseok and jimin have got to be his closest friends but of course they pursued business degrees and everyone mustā€™ve probably saw that coming
nobody, however, expected the kim taehyung to pursue a degree based rootly on passion and even major in it
yeah thatā€™s right what are yOU looking at???
heā€™s an art student and yeah heā€™s taking this seriously ://
do yOU have a problem with that?? do you?? no what did you say?? step the fuck up ky-
spoiler alert: people do have a problem with that
taehyung could tell that his parents did a complete 180 when they learned through jiminā€™s noisy-ass mouth (not even through their own son) that heā€™s gonna be getting an art degree
his dadā€™s the one whoā€™s most especially disappointed at him because well heā€™s the only child and uhhhh.,.,.,, so whoā€™s gonna inherit the company now.,.,,,
tae normally feels selfish and this time, he felt like he was being rational rather than being selfish!! this is what he passionately wants!! pls god can i be selfish oNE more time
eventually his parents had no choice because as their son explained,, having an art degree wonā€™t keep him away from the family business at all and he could even expand it!! he doesnā€™t need a degree!!!Ā 
lmao heā€™s been putting the money he gets on the stock market ever since he was ten years old
and they had to accept it eventually because this is what HE wants and if this is the only thing that he wants... then might as well help him through it, right??
now this is another dilemma
taehyungā€™s applied at a regular university in which everyoneā€™s blended together and no one really cares about whoā€™s who
itā€™s not exclusive to people like him.
he submitted his requirements and his portfolios by himself!!
and he got accepted!!
heā€™s nOT SURE if itā€™s purely because of his skills and himself and not his parentsā€™ money nor influence
whatever it is, he doesnā€™t want to know because if it ends up being the answer he doesnā€™t want?? lol heā€™d crawl into a hole and mope for a week and would be doomed to wear three-piece suits for the rest of his lifeĀ 
so anyways
yeah..,, this is one of the handful of times that taehyung is completely willing to pay himself outĀ 
this project was supposed to be easy enough as what the professor said but uH heā€™d like to passive-aggressively decline pls and thank you
their final project was to make a portrait
right?? easy!!
a portrait of sOMEONE IN CAMPUS,,, regardless if you know them or not
(( well of course youā€™d get to know them by the end because yea theyā€™re required to show proof that they indeed met and the model did agree to be painted ))
and by the end of the project, itā€™s either they keep it to themselves or give it to the model!!
that should be easy, right??
...
....
...... pls say right
oh my god tae should probably drop out now so he doesnā€™t get to do this
rich people donā€™t necessarily have to be educated, right???? maybe heā€™ll just settle into being a himboĀ 
he learned about the meaning of the word through urban dictionary that he tHEN only learned about like six months ago and now he gets so many things
taehyungā€™s not intimidated by the workload of it all -- in fact, heā€™s even excited about it because it helps him relax!!
what heā€™s intimidated about is the fact that heā€™s kim taehyung and there are only two possible options
either his model would be someone who knows him and would be taking every possible step to ensure that they climb the social ladder through him and theyā€™re not even gonna be dISCREET about it
OR
his model wouldnā€™t completely care about who he is and in the process belittles him upfront and tbh his hart wouldnā€™t be able to take that and heā€™s probably wipe his tears away with dollar bills
there is almost no in-between, that one heā€™s sure of
so why are you like this?
why are you neither of the two and why are you sO kind and go against his expectations????
do you have an ulterior motive or something????
you whoā€™s a biochem major and is actually another building away from his own
you whoā€™s made the initiative that you become hIS model
you who actually oFFERED and almost begged to be a part of a project that would only be for taeā€™s benefit
... aha
thatā€™s about -5 points from being a cool laid-back nonchalant gal
+10 for looking like someone whoā€™s had a massively obsessive crush on him since day one and looking like youā€™d lay his life for him
no but lmao actually you just learned about taehyung in a magazine
you were bored at the dentistā€™s and scrolled through every possible outlet in your phone and it didnā€™t satiate you anymore!!! so how about reading a good olā€™ magazine :D
then came taehyung
it was a whole issue dedicated to him and you were probably too dedicated into reading it that this time it was you telling the dentist to wait lol
thatā€™s as far as you knew about him
and then you learned just some weeks ago that taehyung happens to study where you also study at and that was.,., inch resting
you never really saw him before around campus because it was too big and well maybe if you put in the effort, youā€™d actually find him
maybe you had a tiny lil admiration for kim taehyung just from one whole issue alone you read at the dentistā€™s or whatever
youā€™ve only known about this final project situation through changbin!!!
changbin, your neighbor at the apartment next to you, whoā€™d crash over whenever his wifi feels the tiniest bit slow
yes you did spend a little more money to upgrade your internet situation (most times itā€™s the router who makes all the difference) because you were so tIRED of having things slow in the middle of researching for your projects in biochem)
no you will nOT have that <3
and of course changbinā€™s not having your that shitty wifi either so he pushed you to get that in the first place so he can use it too lmao
heā€™s told you just a couple of days ago about his final project and that maybe, just maybe, heā€™d make it into a move for this girl that he likes
nothingā€™s more romantic than pleading for someone to paint ur face right
and your grade and the decision to whether youā€™re gonna pass or flunk and graduate or retake are relying on you mostly
and in changbinā€™s case itā€™s also hIS heart on the line so yeah no pressure at all luv
ā€œi kinda feel bad for rich kid kim, yā€™know?ā€
ā€œwhat about taehyung???ā€
ā€œeW do you have a crush on him??ā€
ā€œaddressing someone by their name equals to a crush??????ā€
your banters never stop because youā€™re as quick-witted as him and he both loves and hates it
he loves that omg someone can keep up with him and that way he gets challenged to always have the last say!!
he hates that oh god why is he friends with someone who reminds him of himself so much how is hE gonna deal with that??
sometimes heā€™ll purposely argue with you to fEEL something lmao
but thereā€™s just something here that tells him youā€™re a little more interested now in this flow of conversation ever since rich kid kim was mentioned
ā€œhm, nothing. iā€™m pretty sure he doesnā€™t have a model yet.ā€
he dodges you in the kitchen to look for peanut butter in your cupboard and oddly... youā€™re not berating him for decreasing your groceries....?
what does changbin mean by that? whAt model?? model as in taehyung doesnā€™t have the newest model of whatever car he wants? or maybe he has a model girlfriend and-
hold on wait wHAT
taehyung has a-
ā€œm-model?ā€
he looks at you weirdly but you donā€™t even bat an eye when he gets ahold of your marshmallow spread so that he could make another one of his sā€™mores sandwiches
ā€œuhhhh model as in he doesnā€™t have someone to paint for our project??ā€
is that what you wanted to hear or,.,
you and changbin share one (1) brain cell and it SHOWS
the two of you have to open your mouths, then close, then ponder, and then do that aGAIN until the both of you could finally grasp if you were in the same page
ā€œoh cool!! iā€™ll be his model then!ā€
ā€œyeah but did he askā€
ā€œitā€™s gonna be easy!! iā€™ll just tag along with you to your buildingā€
ā€œyeah but did he aSKā€
ā€œweā€™re probably gonna hit it off instantly and then youā€™ll have to leech off from someone else for their wifi and food and every other necessity that you already have-ā€
ā€œyeah but dID HE ASK????ā€
long-story short: no. taehyung most certainly did not ask you to be his model.
but here you are
saying that you came a long way is a bit of a stretch because taehyung mostly turns his head the other way around when you call out to him in public
progress is still progress :D
youā€™re eating lunch with him at the same table and this time youā€™re sat beside him!! when normally heā€™d just walk home to his apartment (lol thatā€™s not allowed but you wonā€™t be surprised to know that he has a free pass) and eat!!!
before that, taehyung would gLARE at you until you stop asking to sit with him in his table
yea he gets a bit lonely at time because jimin and hobi arenā€™t with him and hEā€™S the outcast but he wonā€™t do anything about it,, just scroll through his phone while he eats and tune everyone out
you figured that maybe itā€™s changbin always linked with you in lunch because your schedules just matched up thAt perfectly like it does with taeā€™s
hee-hee so you might have elbowed him until he begrudgingly agreed to be tolerable, keep atleast four feet of distance from you, and not call tae rich kid kim
spoiler alert: taehyung doesnā€™t really care about whatever you do because doing those changes with changbin did nOT work at all
however
H O W E V E R
taehyung doesnā€™t know at all how youā€™ve wormed your way into his heart!!
what seem to be cold to you is his warmest heā€™s ever been in such a new environment and outside of his usual comfort bubbles!!!
itā€™s like you occasionally stealing the food from his plate when you have the same thing is the equivalent of h*lding h*nds with him
you putting your leg over his before he pushes it after five seconds mUST be the equivalent to marriage
wait heā€™s lying
taehyung does know how youā€™ve wormed your way to his heart
ā€œhi! iā€™m y/n! :Dā€
ok u are a little bit sweaty and out of breath from doing all that fast-paced walking for the past ten minutes
your new shoes that you still need to break into further arenā€™t helping your situation in the slightest bit
honestly? this is all changbinā€™s fault <3
he unknowingly gave you the sign that you were looking for
if he says yeah five times with five minutes?? okay yeah youā€™re definitely looking for kim taehyung and offering yourself to become his model
you donā€™t wanna sound weird but you feel sorry for him and you wanna help him :((
heā€™s not helping you tho because he has long legs underneath those trousers and it looked like he wouldnā€™t budge at all not unless you jogged and stopped right in front of him
ā€œhi! iā€™m y/n!! :Dā€
ā€œ...ā€
ā€œ.....ā€
taeā€™s a bit... perplexed
because whoā€™s THIS entity and why are you standing in front of him
...
....
ā€œbye y/n.ā€
:]
he wants to exit from this situation because oh my god??
why r u like this
he didnā€™t ASK for your name!!
and he doesnā€™t even know you and giving him your name honestly wonā€™t do anything and he doesnā€™t get whatā€™s your motive and-
ā€œoh cā€™mon!! you didnā€™t even shake my hand :((ā€
he feels even more lost as he tries to wrap his head around that uh.....
you uh.... you wanted a handshake??
.....
tae doesnā€™t even hide his annoyance because itā€™s clear as day!!!
heā€™s blatantly tilting his head at you rudely with a blank stare omg take the hint pLEASE
realizing it now you mAY have came on too strong to taehyung that looks confused as ever
ā€œhi, iā€™m y/n.ā€
changbinā€™s by one of the lockers taking pics of you beaming at taehyung and him scowling down to show you later how dumb you look and how you shouldnā€™t do this at all
okay LISTEN
his personality trait is to immediately assume the worst out of every scenario possible and that way when something slightly less worse happens? thatā€™s a win babie ;D
he became ur friend in the first place because you heard him yelling since heā€™s at the door right next to yours and you could hEAR him throwing things around as he cusses his laptop
yeah he cusses his laptop what about it??
if you close your eyes hard enough, you could hear him throw his router against the wall (you later learned that he was so close to finishing his digitalization but then his laptop decided to die) before punching the air
(( the friendship started when you knocked vERY gently and offered him to borrow your laptop even if you arenā€™t done with all your homework ))
((( changbin thought at first that u were such an organized and too-friendly social butterfly whoā€™s a kiss-ass to everyone but now he thinks ur the coolest person ever and he treasures you more than life itself )))
although, taehyungā€™s a lot more vicious and closed-off and critical than changbin
he narrows his gaze at you as you introduce yourself for the second time before merely clicking his tongue
ā€œok coolā€
is that uhm
is that IT good sir
ā€œyouā€™re not,ā€ youā€™re dancing around your words and being careful to not let a pout grace your lips at the sheer lack of enthusiasm,Ā ā€œgonna introduce yourself to me??ā€
you got a reaction alright
taehyung sCOFFS and thatā€™s the loudest heā€™s ever been with you in the span of two minutes
ā€œyou followed me for ten minutes just to tell me your name. kinda seems like you already know mine if you do that, no?ā€
this is why you took up biochem instead of law
how do the lawyers not break down???
why does phoenix wright make it seem SO easy?? especially when heā€™s spoken to in a confrontal tone???
oh god taehyung broke you already
not to be rude but uh what do you wANT
can you get it over already??
ā€œo-oh! uhm i was wondering if i could uHm,ā€ you sound ridiculous now that you think about it and this is perhaps one of the only times you feel embarrassed,Ā ā€œvolunteer to be your model for your project?ā€
hmm
was that a wrong answer,,,
sHOULD YOU HAVE SAID THAT??
ā€œare you in my class?ā€
taehyung asks and heā€™s finally said a sentence to you!!! omg
youā€™re quite shocked so he had to click his tongue to get you to answerĀ 
ā€œno, actually!! iā€™m a biochem major and-...ā€
thatā€™s all it takes before he hums and nods his head
and for some reason taehyung looks at you like youā€™re pREY
ā€œare you a stalker?ā€
okay wait holy fuck wHAT
you know what
you took a sip from changbinā€™s coffee half an hour ago but why are you only choking on it nOW
youā€™re positively sputtering and now ur pressured bc tae thinks youā€™re a stalker!!! a damn stalker!!
ā€œlooked at you long enough. i donā€™t need a sketch artist and i could just-ā€
no no no pls no
this meeting is going downhill very quicklyĀ 
ā€œoh my god taehyung iā€™m nOT a stalker okay!!!ā€
that shuts him up because your voice is so firm and okAY then how do u explain this stalker smh ://
throughout the whole time youā€™re talking about changbin being an art major and also your neighbor and everything in between, tae has such a neutral expression that you feel so intimidated
ā€œ-and thatā€™s what!! iā€™m not taking advantage of you or anything, if thatā€™s what youā€™re thinking i guess? i swear!!ā€
he listened and well if heā€™s being honest,,, okay yea you did make sense and he does know changbin
ā€œokay then. iā€™ll think about it.ā€
ā€œare you gonna give me your number???ā€
itā€™s either youā€™re so forward or heā€™s just not used to being caught off-guard
WHICH FUCKING ONE
ā€œwhat for?ā€
itā€™s been so long ever since someone asked taehyung for his number
usually in galas and any other socialite gatherings you could think of, everyoneā€™s number would just be in your phone automatically and you wonā€™t even rEMEMBER how it got there in the first place
better yet, itā€™s been so long since he went back to his usual routine lifestyle of being himselfĀ 
his last gala was two weeks ago and tae had to keep looking at his phone to study pdfs and whatever clear pictures he can get of his reviewers back at home because he had a test tomorrow morning
ā€œso you could text me where weā€™re gonna meet so you could paint me, silly!!ā€
:D
okay wOAH there
ā€œi didnā€™t even say that youā€™d be my model????ā€
ā€œlol but you were thinking it huhā€
thatā€™s it
taehyung has nO choice but to paint you if he wants to finish this project and graduate and have something of a thicker paper to flaunt
it came as a shock to him that hE took your offer and he could only imagine its effect on you
not to brag but tae didnā€™t even have to sweat for a little because itā€™s yOU who came to him with this offer!! not him!!
tae lives in the classiest apartment here in uni and everyone probably knows that
much to his insistence that he doesnā€™t want anyone from uni going outside his apartment, he had to take an L and invite you over
he wouldnā€™t risk doing his work in any place else because he doesnā€™t want anyone thinking and getting the wrong idea!!
speaking of, heā€™s regretting it now because you seem to be too happy being in his space
youā€™re pointing around and being awed at every possible thing!!!Ā 
what??? is this ur first time seeing a rattan hanging chair :// or a massive couch?? or a canvas painting of something so beautiful?? all of that in whatā€™s supposed to be a studentā€™sĀ one apartment??? christ y/n get yourself together
ā€œso what do you want me to do?? where do i sit oR do i stand instead?? iā€™m gonna need you to know that-...ā€
ā€œnothing.ā€ taehyung deadpans before he gets his camera so he could get digital shots as well if ever he needs an extra touch when it comes to his final product
the gears in your head are going bRRR and youā€™re gonna have to ask him to elaborate but taehyung already sets the pace
ā€œnothing. just be your rEALLY annoying self and pretend iā€™m not here.ā€
normally you donā€™t take his words to heart but this one just hits a little close to home bc itā€™s early in the morning and taehyung already finds you intolerable
ā€œby pretend, do you mean-...ā€
ā€œup to you. are you more annoying around me or no?ā€
how did he read your MIND
tae got the thoughts in your head word per word and youā€™re so amazed at that because fUcK you originally thought that heā€™s good at bluffing his way up
click!
itā€™s you smiling at him
no youā€™re beaming at him
and youā€™re in front of his morning-lit curtains and youā€™re against the light
the portrait itself is already visually appealing and satisfying and man the shadows!!! the value!!!! theyā€™re so raw and dreamy and this is exactly his style!!!
it was just a one-take wonder as soon as he took a picture of you!!! and he may have you to hold that position if he needs the push!! he just needs to translate it to canvas with his own language and emotions and then heā€™s dONE!!
youā€™re a pain in the ass
you laugh and you move too much
taehyung had you to to revisit that pose and hold it and you wouldnā€™t stop giggling bc you were too proud that you did THAT!
you also ask too many things that even hE doesnā€™t have the answers to
how is he supposed to know if red string lovers exist when you went into a spiel just because you saw a red tube of paint???? and why is he saying his opinions on such trivial things when he has his final project to take care of???
and how is he supposed to know why YOUā€™RE here hanging out with him instead of finishing your own final project
jk maybe itā€™s the L word but youā€™re gonna subdue that as much as possible since taehyung looks like heā€™d leave you by yourself with any chance that he gets
and you even call him terms of endearment!!! nicknames!! pet names!! names that youā€™d call someone whoā€™s familiar to you and you probably l*ve!!!
angel
thatā€™s what you call him :))
ā€œwhy do you call me that?ā€
ā€œbecause you look like oneā€
ā€œand how would yOU know what angels look like??ā€
ā€œbecause if they were to exist then youā€™d probably look like one!!ā€
ā€œbut-ā€
ā€œok thatā€™s one minute no more questions taehyung <3ā€³
tae just provides you with all the conviction you need to take care of him without even knowing
not in a maternal type of instinct type of way, but rather in a sPECIAL someone type of way
you find yourself caring for him mOre than you ever could for any regular friend you have!!
you just throw a whole loaf of bread to changbin and call it a day
but for tae??? you go above and beyond!!
ā€œdid it ever hit you that rich kid kim never really introduced himself to you?ā€
oh right....
changbin points out one day and you could see where he was getting at
for some reason he always knew what was in your mind at any given time and sometimes itā€™s to your disadvantage
you seem to be growing on taehyung though!!
he tolerates you better now!!
sometimes heā€™ll find you loveable even
he likes having someone around and youā€™re the perfect contender
if he decides to not talk too much, then you fill up the white noise!!
if he wants you to shut up?? then yOU shut up but of course not without babbling for a little
heā€™s opened up but with some reservations
some reservations that you donā€™t mind but itā€™s normal that you feel sometimes left out, yā€™know??
because itā€™s been a good month since you and taehyung properly interacted but he still resents you as much if you think about it
ā€œhey angel!!ā€
ā€œwhat is it-...ā€
taehyung looks up from his meal that heā€™s been poking at his fork because this has to be the fourth time you call out to him
so he turns to look at you and-
oh
uhm
there seems to be a misunderstanding
you werenā€™t calling HIM
you were calling out to some other guy that iSNā€™T him
thatā€™s seungmin!!! omg you havenā€™t seen him in so long and he just happened to pass by your lunch table!!!
apparently he has something to talk to you about which is why youā€™re standing up and leaving tae all alone on the table
seungminā€™s smile is adorable as always and he gets you in a pretty good mood!!
oh god
dear gOD
what is taehyung feeling in his chEST???
taeā€™s grip on his fork is starting to get pRETTY tight
and if heā€™s aware enough, his right eyeā€™s twitching and heā€™s practically scoffing under his breath
why tf would you call him that
WHO is angel and why is it nOT him anymore????
what heā€™s feeling is just unexplainable and it tastes something like betrayal
ā€œwhoā€™s he?ā€
he quizzes you as soon as you get back to your table and you donā€™t waver one bit because you know heā€™s been asking questions recently
ā€œoh thatā€™s just seungmin!! we were childhood friends then he just transferred here awhile-...ā€
thereā€™s a bitter taste on his tongue and it shows up in his face and youā€™re not even paying attention to him!!
ā€œreally? thought i was him for a second.ā€
ok now that got you to stop eating
????
why is he acting weird
taehyung looks even more irked because you look sO oblivious right now
ā€œdo you call everyone angel?ā€
o-oh where is this going
ā€œuhm-ā€
youā€™re not even finished and to be honest youā€™re quite lost and taehyung sCOFFS you to the next century
ā€œā€˜course you do.ā€
taehyung angrily finishes his meal and you leave it at that because ok maybe he had a bad day?? and heā€™s just taking it out on you??
and well tae DOESNā€™T want you to leave it at that
he wants you to ASK him why heā€™s mad!!! heā€™s passive-aggressive and itā€™s getting unhealthy but heā€™d rather choke than have him spill whatever heā€™s feeling
the next few days, taehyung avoids you like his LIFE depended on it
youā€™re not really bothered by it because he has his days, but this oneā€™s just getting out of control
ā€œare you giving me a time-out or something??ā€
lmao what did u do now
you nudge him when you see him by changbinā€™s apartment to borrow an easel even though heā€™s already got it by his apartment
yeah heā€™s mad at you and heā€™s petty but maybe he wants to see you again
taeā€™s giving you silent treatment and you donā€™t even question him for it
you donā€™t bother!!
youā€™re letting him do whatever he wants as always and he dOESNā€™T like it anymore!!!
he feels like heā€™s gonna combust at any given time and you donā€™t give a shit and he feels like yOU should give a shit because you always do!!
you always hover and worry around him but wHY does he feel like youā€™re not doing it anymore??
why does he yEARN FOR YOU???
itā€™s quite an an early night for you
you love biochem but sometimes it kicks your ass and it makes you retch at the mention of all-nighters nowadays!! bc they used to be fun but now doing them because you nEED to?? no thx
youā€™re already in your pajamas and youā€™re all washed up!! what could changbin need from you at 9 in the evening??
thereā€™s an urgent knocking on your door and you resist the need to groan because you were about to really knock yourself out!! you need to get back all the rest youā€™ve wasted over your own final project
is that-
ā€œtaehyung?ā€
the man in question is in his huge yellow hoodie that swallows him up every time and he looks positively spent
his hairā€™s shaggy and his eyes are glazed and thereā€™s a pink tint to his cheeks :((
heā€™s holding a baby hydroflask in his hands and youā€™re pretty sure thatā€™s alcohol in there lol
ā€œdonā€™t call me taehyung!!ā€
he immediately snaps and youā€™re lost as aLWAYS
did he really just walk all the way to your complex to snAp at you??
ā€œiā€™m not taehyung,ā€ he frowns deeply and thatā€™s when youā€™re a bit more mesmerized, ā€œiā€™m angel.ā€
is this what you think it is??
your no.1 deflection move is to laugH and youā€™re doing that rn
something about this whole situation tickles you funny and youā€™re not sure what to feel about it
ā€œi like your bottle!! i should get one for myself!!ā€
he could see right through you though
he ignores your stOOpid statements and goes to hold your hands :((
ā€œno, no. iā€™m your angel. i-iā€™m your taehyung, right??ā€
listen
taehyung is the most confusing being you know and heā€™s so emotionally constipated that he outperforms changbin but this one,,,
this just feels so different
heā€™s hugging you
heā€™s embracing you
heā€™s burrowing his face to your neck and youā€™d be lying if you said you didnā€™t ever imagine what this would feel like :(((
he positively 100% might be in love with you
and you positively 100% might be in love with him too
heā€™s fishing for your hand by your side to put in between your bodies as he shakes it and thatā€™s because he doesnā€™t wanna let go of the hugĀ 
:((((
youā€™re melting and this what heaven must feel like :((((
ā€œh-hi. nameā€™s kim taehyung and iā€™m yours.ā€
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apas-95 Ā· 3 years ago
Note
Hey weirdly specific ask but why did you drop out of your degree because im about to go into the same shit and I dunno im a little terrified and could use advice thanks sister
The program I was attending had a fairly large workload - classes were from 9 'til 4 every day, there were weekly tests that lasted from 6 to 8pm, and a weekly 4 hour group work session which auto-flunked you if you missed more than one. This wasn't actually that much of a problem - for the first few months, I powered through it, putting in a few hours minimum each day for homework, attending all my lectures, etc.
There were some issues, because I was a foreign student, with having access to certain resources, which were difficult to find, but overall I was doing okay, until I just had a really bad week and couldn't get out of bed. I'd suffered from depression before, but this time I could barely even motivate myself to walk downstairs to buy food. I managed to force myself into class a few times, and I might have been able to power through it, but I was late for a group work session by 20 minutes, since it got moved to another building, and my advisor basically took me aside and told me I may as well drop out, since functionally I'd already failed, so I did.
As it turned out, that was bullshit dfghfdgh, I could definitely have continued my studies even with the failed course, and would probably have been able to just retake it, in the worst case. So, if I can offer any advice, it's just to have perseverance. You don't need to do great, you just need to keep on doing it. Eventually you're gonna hit a rough patch, and the important thing is to keep on going, even if it seems like there's no point.
To borrow a metaphor from Chris Hadfield, the only thing you can really control is your attitude, to keep yourself feeling stable and headed in the right direction. If you lose attitude, you end up disoriented and off course, which is far worse than not achieving your immediate goal.
4 notes Ā· View notes
four-loose-screws Ā· 3 years ago
Text
FE8 Novelization Translation - Chapter 13, Section 1
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ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”
I call this a ā€œsectionā€ because it is not a separate part of the chapter in the book, but divided from the rest of the chapter by a scene break.
ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”
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Chapter 13: The Desert Palace
Jehanna was known as the Country of White Dunes. Just as that name implied, the capital city was chosen to be built upon a tiny patch of green land in the middle of a giant desert.
The rainy season was very short, and the air was dry almost the entire year round. Skeletons of animals that had collapsed from exhaustion dotted the desert. However, despite being suffocated by such harsh nature, Jehanna was also beautiful.
The country was ruled by Queen Ismaire. Her husband had passed long ago, and after overcoming countless hardships, sheā€™d come to be a fine ruler for the country. The palace towered majestically over the white desert, and was a symbol of how the queen lived her life.
Eirikaā€™s army traveled along the narrow main road built throughout the desert and towards the capital city. The palace looked so very far away.
What was going on inside that beautiful palace now? Just thinking about it lowered their spirits. Eirika was lost in thought as she swayed gently atop her horse, but noticed a small flower that had bloomed on the side of the road, and stopped.
When she jumped off her horse and went to pick the flower, she smelled a refreshing aroma.Ā 
Tana saw what she was doing, and peered over at her. ā€œItā€™s so cute! Wow, flowers can even bloom in a dry climate like this!ā€
ā€œThis is a medicinal plant. I forgot its name, butā€¦ itā€™s supposed to be very effective at relieving the pain of wounds. It only grows in dry climates, so it is a valuable plant.ā€
ā€œWowā€¦ you really know a lot about it! I'm surprised that you know something like that!"
Eirika smiled and stared down at the beautiful flower in her hand.
The person who had taught her all about it was Lyon. He had his very own medicinal plant garden in a corner of Grado Castleā€™s garden, where he grew a wide variety of plants. Heā€™d even worked very hard to recreate a desert environment and tried to raise plants that only grew in that climate.
Ephraim showed no interest in medicinal plants, and did not come near them, but Eirika often visited the garden with Lyon. Even Lyon, whoā€™d been shy at first, opened up and answered all of Eirikaā€™s various questions on the subject, telling her all the plantsā€™ names, effects, and how to care for them.
ā€œThose without money cannot buy expensive medicine, right? But there are plants everywhere that can become effective medicines. Iā€™m studying medicinal plants, and want to teach the people about them, because it should make life much easier for those suffering from illnessesā€¦ā€
Eirika was impressed by all the things Lyon passionately shared with her. She still had much to learn about the world at the time, and hadnā€™t thought yet about the lives of the people.
ā€œYouā€™re so admirable, Lyon! You think as hard as you can to find a way to make everyone happy, donā€™t you?ā€
ā€œOh, Iā€™m not admirable at allā€¦ This is the only sort of thing I can doā€¦ Iā€™m terrible at sword fighting. I lose even to you.ā€
When Lyon said that, he seemed embarrassed, so much so that when Eirika looked at him, she felt sorry for him. She couldnā€™t keep herself from frowning.
ā€˜Why canā€™t he realize what his own amazing strengths are? It doesnā€™t matter if heā€™s bad at sword fighting, because he posesses kindness and intelligence that is unlike anyone elseā€™s.ā€™
This was the same Lyon that had led the Grado Army and conquered Jehanna. Eirika still couldnā€™t believe it.Ā 
Of course, a commanding officer didnā€™t need to be an exceptional soldier. It was also conceivable that Lyon was just being used as decoration, and someone else was really leading the army. However, Eirika was still not convinced.
ā€œIā€™ve heard that Prince Lyon has a gentle personality, and loathes fighting.ā€ Innes whispered, as if he could read Eirikaā€™s wavering heart. He had come up beside her at some point, and was now walking alongside her horse.
ā€œSeems like it was all an act. Perhaps he deceived you and Ephraim to get you two to let your guards down.ā€
ā€œ...Thatā€™s...ā€ Eirika wanted to disagree, but she couldnā€™t find any strength to put into her voice.
Innes had never actually met Lyon, so he was suspicious of him. Eirika could assert that the many different ways he'd shown kindness could not have been false, but it would only be her insisting that her memories were the truth with no proof at all against the fact that they knew for certain that he had conquered Jehanna.Ā 
ā€œIā€™ve heard that he can use dark magic. Do you know how skilled he is in it, Eirika?ā€
ā€œ...Yes. The bishop that taught him always praised him highly because of his intelligence and passion for studying. He seemed to read difficult books a lot.ā€
"Then he is very dangerous.ā€ Innes furrowed his brow.
Though he may know dark magic, Lyon never studied it with bad intentions. Darkness was important for bringing peace to peopleā€™s hearts. Lyonā€™s passion for learning magic was always for the sake of others.
Lā€™Arachel was listening to their conversation, and added, ā€œWe have no reason to fear the power of darkness, for we have received the godsā€™ blessing! We shall retake the palace in one fell swoop!ā€
ā€œNo, we do not know if the queen is safe yet. Sheā€™s been taken as a hostage, so we must tread carefully.ā€ Innes said.
ā€œYouā€™re rightā€¦ā€ All of the energy drained from within Lā€™Arachel, and she sighed deeply.
ćƒ¼
Eirikaā€™s army set up camp outside the city and decided to finalize their strategy.
There were hardly any people in the capital, and it had become very quiet. At first, Jehanna Palace looked like a beautiful mirage, but from this closer distance, they could see that it was guarded by a sturdy wall. Now that it had fallen into the hands of the enemy, the strength of that wall had backfired.
ā€œThe only way to minimize the damage we cause as we attack the palace is to swiftly tear down the front gate. The armored knights should rush in with the cavalry, then the infantry should follow in right after them. Still, we must prepare to damage the palace if need beā€¦ā€ Sethā€™s expression was dark.Ā 
Innes asked, ā€œWere we able to acquire any knowledge about the palaceā€™s inner structure?ā€
ā€œNo. It is very complex, and we do not know the details of it.ā€
ā€œThatā€™s not good. We have no idea what kind of traps the enemy has laid out...ā€
ā€œRather than tear down the front gate, we should go around the side.ā€
Eirika and the others all looked up towards the source of the voice that had suddenly cut in from the side.
Those attending the meeting should have been only the armyā€™s leaders. However, at some point, Joshua had entered the tent.
Innes huffed and ordered, ā€œWeā€™re in the middle of an important meeting right now. Please leave.ā€
ā€œYou want to know the inner structure of the palace, right? Iā€™ll tell you.ā€
ā€œWhat? Why would you knowā€¦?ā€
ā€œPlease wait, Innes!ā€ Eirika stopped him.
Joshua had many years of experience as a mercenary. He might have had an opportunity to obtain a map of the palace at some point. It was unfortunate, but they didnā€™t have time to question him about it. If they did not hurry, then the queen would be in trouble.
ā€œPlease tell us everything you know, Joshua. Are there any other methods of getting inside the palace besides breaking down the front gate?ā€
ā€œThe layout of the palace is very complex. The front gate is not the only way inside. There is also a small passageway that merchants use to get in and out. It is likely that the enemy has not realized it is there.ā€
ā€œ...Can you lead us to it?ā€
ā€œYes.ā€ Joshua nodded lightly.Ā 
Innes narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
But Eirika decided to trust him. She had been suspicious of his true motives once in the past, but up until now, he had always fought as another member of her army with all his strength. She did not want to question that sincerity any longer.
Joshua pulled out a piece of paper that had a quick sketch of the palace drawn on it. Though the drawing only consisted of simple lines, it was surprisingly detailed. It had everything they would need written on it, from the placement of the hallways and rooms, to where the stairs and even pillars were.Ā 
ā€œThe throne room is inside here. Prince Lyon is most likely leading the army from in there. And in the basement, there is an altar. If they are keeping the queen confined, then it is likely that they are using this room down there to do so.ā€ Joshua pointed at the map and explained.Ā 
Seth and Innes stared at the map with very serious looks on their faces.
ā€œWeā€™ll designate a large enough force to rush the gate and feint an attack on it. They will be a diversion and draw in the enemy, and should attack and retreat repeatedly so that no one is injured. Using that gap in the enemyā€™s defenses, a small elite force will attack from the merchantā€™s entrance on the east side. The enemy's guard there will probably be light, so we should be able to attack and defeat them in one swoop. After we establish that area as a base, we will head for the throne room.ā€
ā€œ...Alright.ā€ Innes seemed to agree with that strategy. He raised his head up with confidence and looked at Joshua. ā€œI shall lead the diversion team. At the very least, we will make a scene, and keep them in one area. Eirika, I want you to lead the elite force. Joshua, you will of course guide Eirika down the merchantā€™s entrance.ā€
Eirika nodded and looked at Joshua.
He had the same thin smile on his face as always, but his expression looked a bit more stiff than usual.
It wasnā€™t just a strange feeling. Something about the way Joshua was acting was undoubtedly strange. A dark color shaded his eyes. He seemed to have noticed that Eirika was staring at him, as he quickly turned his head away, and rushed out of the tent.
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lesstestingmorelearning Ā· 3 years ago
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#43. Students: Our MCAS Stories, Continued
Editorā€™s note: This is the third of three installments of MCAS stories by 10th grade geometry teacher Sarah Cramerā€™s students at Claremont Academy in Worcester. To read Sarahā€™s introduction, see story #41, below.
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I and many others have been taking MCAS for as long as we can remember, but why? And most importantly, why does it have to be a graduation requirement. We work our butts off in school, and youā€™re telling me MCAS determines if we graduate or not? If you ask me, that just doesn't seem right. But not just that, imagine giving MCAS in a global pandemic. How did no one stop this? We have spent a whole year in our houses in fear for ourselves and loved ones because of what's going on. Weā€™ve been taking school online, looking at a screen for hours, pushing to get things done. Was it easy? NO! Were there times I couldn't? YES! But did we keep going? Of course, because a lot of us care. But to be honest, I didn't learn much and the fact that I had to take this big required test in a school year where I learned nothing honestly makes me sad, mad and kind of disappointed. We should have just gotten a pass, in my opinion, and not have to be obligated to go to a school in the middle of a pandemic just to take a test. To me and many others, it just doesn't make sense. Like why risk my health for that when I know I most likely failed, for the simple reason that I learned nothing this year? It's not the teachersā€™ fault; it's just the lack of motivation and understanding for me. With everything considered, MCAS should not be a requirement to graduate because it doesn't show what we truly have learned and been through to get where we are now, and it should never happen again. - Marben Canas Cruz
These tests are pointless. Weā€™re already learning things that we'll never have to use in normal everyday life. Now we have a test where it's still pointless. The school system divides the students. I've known people who say they're going to drop out of school, and a reason they give is the MCAS and its irrelevance. It stresses people out because if you don't pass, you need to retake it just to graduate high school. But fail it so many times, and you may want to drop out. This affects our personal life. I can go home and be studying but getting stressed out and taking out my frustration on others. Some of us work and have jobs because not every family in Massachusetts is living well. Some have to work more than even your 15- to 17-year-old child has to work and help out. MCAS is pointless, especially when it's not fair. - Oscar Almendarez
I donĀ“t think MCAS should be counted for graduation, or should even happen at all. This year was completely different from other years because of the pandemic. Students had to quickly adapt to a homeschool lifestyle when learning was only remote. We had to struggle with being away from friends and not being able to socialize (which is incredibly important for teenagers). Many students are struggling with keeping up with their work because of all of these new changes. Instead of giving them more stress with the MCAS, the state should focus on providing relief during the pandemic (with technology, school supplies, food pantries, COVID vaccination sites).
I think that MCAS is a bit stressful. You have to prepare yourself, concentrate on what you write and if the answer is correct or not. I think that MCAS should not influence your graduation because it is very difficult to know if you could pass the test. MCAS should not have been given this year because it was very difficult and different from other years. You had to do it with great caution and, besides this, the pandemic is quite difficult. I think that MCAS would be better if they don't put pressure on you to pass and be able to graduate. In some parts, it could be good because if you have pressure you can put more interest and be able to pay more attention to things in class.
Last year and this were a little different and difficult, not only for me but for other people. I had to attend classes from my home and do work from my home. For me the MCAS did not have to happen because COVID happened worldwide. It did not have to happen because we worked at home, which is something more difficult than in person.
I have been taking the MCAS since elementary school, so I was used to it. The test really didn't bother me that much because it was on paper. Once we started doing the MCAS over the computer, that's when I started having a problem. Being forced to keep your eyes on a screen for hours is not for me. After I got out of elementary school, my scores went down. I would rush because my eyes could not take it anymore. We are not given a paper test option, which I think is unreasonable. Everyone tests differently. I believe the MCAS should be optional, or mandatory for children that actually need to be tested for a decision of having them graduate. - Monaeya Andrade
I personally don't think that it was fair that we had to do the MCAS testing because, throughout the year, I feel I didn't learn as much as I would have in a regular class, in person. I have heard my teachers even say it. I haven't learned much this year, and I wish I learned more. Taking the test was nerve wracking, knowing that I had to take the MCAS and pass in order to graduate. The pandemic was a big mess, and that messed us all up. However, it's not fair that we teens have to stress and struggle to be successful in the future and find colleges. I think that they should at least lower the test scores to pass. - Jaidan
The MCAS came at a bad time. Many of the kids in my class and school were all saying we are not ready for this test. We felt as if we missed so much and fell behind on many fronts. Even our teachers were against it, but we were ignored. It was a pointless test in a miserable, stressful year.
I don't think it should be counted at all this year. It's not fair for us to take it when we never went to school (but the juniors aren't required to). A lot of people weren't prepared, and I don't think many people will have good scores. It would affect us badly, as it's a graduation requirement.
I think it shouldn't be a test to prove if a student should graduate. It causes a ton of stress (on top of the pandemic). Some students are visual learners, and some just got the hang of this online school.
The MCAS is boring because you need to look at a screen all day.
I think this MCAS 2021 should not be counted for graduation because we don't learn too much with remote learning. For some people, it was difficult to connect with the teachers and classmates, and we couldnā€™t have the same help like before the pandemic. - Maria
I feel like we shouldn't even have done the MCAS since we haven't had enough time to study or learn the things we are supposed to. However, some kids (the 11th graders) do not even have to do the test and pass it. This just shows that the school system is messed up and doesn't know how to keep a stable economy.
Although I have very strong opinions against MCAS, I do think that Worcester public schools should've kept the testing this year. But I think the purpose behind it shouldn't be what it is. For example, the reason I think that Worcester public schools should've used this test this year is to find out where students are at in the school system, especially since COVID-19 happened and caused students to miss out on school for over 18 months. But instead, they made it mandatory for high school students to have to pass in order to graduate.
I feel like they shouldn't have given us the MCAS because we didn't learn anything or get reminded of old work to help us. And I think it shouldn't be a requirement to pass high school.
Why do we take MCAS? It was hard for other people to learn this year. Also a lot of people had difficult times. For example, their wifi could've been bad. Also a lot of people didn't learn anything.
MCAS this year was kind of BS. There was stuff that we most likely didn't know, especially in the first math MCAS. It had stuff that we definitely should've had an idea of, but we didn't know because it was harder to be productive during the pandemic. I remember opening the test and being genuinely annoyed that I had to learn what I had to solve at the same time.
I think MCAS shouldn't have happened because people haven't learned much online vs. in person school. School is just not the same when you are learning online. For example, people can cheat and they won't learn much. Furthermore, most people are usually asleep during online school, which affects their education toward MCAS. One last detail is the fact that teachers can't tell if their students are confused, which makes it harder to teach or prepare their students.
I feel as if it shouldn't have happened because this year was very confusing and not everyone was prepared for it. It shouldn't be counted towards graduation. A lot of kids have put in a lot of effort and still struggled and that could mess them up for graduation. - Robert Cortorreal
MCAS should not continue this year because students have not been present for the entire year. Students have been stressed and overwhelmed with work and their own problems. MCAS would just add more stress. Also, some students don't have a quiet place at home so they can focus and give it their all. Some students might be able to go to school and take it; others canā€™t because they might still be afraid of COVID-19. That is why MCAS should not continue this year.
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caffeinatedcake Ā· 5 years ago
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Tips to Succeed as a Pre-Med
Hi Guys! Iā€™m currently finishing up my final semester of pre-med classes and am getting ready to prepare for the MCAT. I learned so much through these past 2 years and thought it would be fun to compile a list of all the lessons, tips, and tricks that allowed me to maintain a high GPA (3.8)!!
Some background information about me:
Major: Psychology
Minor: Chemistry and Biology
Commitments:
Division III student-athlete: 20-30 hours a week
Executive board for my sorority: 5-10 hours a week
Cabinet position for Phi Delta Epsilon: 2-3 hours a week
Tips:
At the beginning of the semester look through every single class syllabus and note all the dates for exams, papers, projects, or assignments. I put all of these dates into my online calendar and made sure to have reminders for all of them. My semesters get extremely busy so keeping track of dates helped me stay on top of my work and manage my time in the best way possible.
Ask upperclassmen and other students for help, especially when it comes to scheduling classes or writing lab reports.Ā The reason Iā€™m able to take my MCAT early is because I spent a month asking various upperclassmen in different majors what their schedules were like, what professors were the best, which professors to avoid, and their study tips so I would not have to retake any classes. Along with this, upperclassmen tend to hold onto class materials from previous years (old exams, lab reports, syllabi, etc.). These resources could help you gain a better understanding of a specific professorā€™s exams, how to write a cohesive lab report, or better understand the structure of a class.Ā 
Fight for EVERY POINT. I know this sounds annoying but in the end, you donā€™t want to miss a grade by 1 or 2 points that you couldā€™ve gotten back. A lot of the classes I got As in were actually by the thinnest of margins and it was mainly because I was willing to fight for points I thought I deserved. It definitely makes you come off as that classic, annoying pre-med student but at the end of the day your grades are important to some degree.
Figure out a study strategy that works for you! Quality over quantity! You donā€™t want to be wasting hours studying inefficiently because classes get tougher and more time-consuming. Knowing your preferred study methods is super important because of how much time it will save you! I personally read the textbook, hand-write my notes, and use Quizlet RELIGIOUSLY! Some of my friends only need to attend a lecture and then do practice problems consistently. The faster you figure out how you like to study the more time it will save you in the long run!
Pick a major that you will genuinely enjoy. Pre-med core classes are difficult and can be taxing. It helps to take classes that you actually enjoy along with these classes, or pick a major that you know you will like because that will lessen the burden. I picked psychology because I loved the subject in high school and because the department was extremely friendly at the university I attend. Since I find my psychology classes extremely interesting, it makes studying for a bland class like Physics way easier because I know I have something fun to look forward to.Ā 
Schedule time to do things other than just work. The biggest mistake I made freshman year was studying too much and focusing on activities that would boost my resume. My grades actually improved when I cut down on the studying and constant working and decided to schedule a weekly day off. During this day I would spend time with friends, catch up on sleep, or just vegetate. Maintaining your hobbies and passions is super important because then you will have other things to focus on and you wonā€™t get burnt out!!
Remember that a bad grade doesnā€™t define you. This year was the year I failed my first exam and while it was tough to get over, I tried my best to use it as motivation to do better on the next exam. I try to think of every negative event in my life as a learning lesson and that exam taught me that I needed to change my studying habits for that specific class.
There are multiple paths to medicine. I think people put too much of an emphasis on the traditional route, where you graduate in 4 years and then go straight into medical school. Even though Iā€™ll be taking my MCAT early, Iā€™m also open to taking a gap year to work in research or scribe! I love the surge of youtube videos and stories made by people who have non-traditional paths because it shows you that hard work and perseverance will lead you in the right direction for you, whether that is medicine or not.
Please remember that these are the lessons Iā€™ve learned through my experience at a competitive pre-med school and that all of these might not necessarily apply to everyone. If you guys have any more questions about pre-med donā€™t hesitate to reach out to me, Iā€™d be more than happy to help!
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justaconfusednerd Ā· 4 years ago
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Lists are great. I feel like they are kind of the first step of organizing ones life and it feels amazing to be able to tick something off a to do list. So letā€™s do this list of things I want to change this year:
More social interaction/ getting myself out there: This is going to be really really hard for me, as Iā€™m super shy and tend to get uncomfortable super fast in a group of people Iā€™m not too close with. As meeting new people in real life is not exactly possible at the moment, I can at least hide myself from awkward interaction from person to person. But I totally plan on talking to strangers on discord or writing with new people, etc even if it seems insanely scary right now. My goal isnā€™t even necessarily to make friends, but to just get out of my comfort zone of texting/ talking with the same few people and basically not being able to talk to strangers at all.
Open communication: Something that I already improved a whole lot the last few years, but that still needs a lot of work nevertheless. I just think that especially talking openly about emotions is so so important and that a lot of problems could be solved by communicating instead of just guessing the other persons feelings. A few years ago, I really kept everything to myself as far as really not wanting to tell others anything about my life. But I learned that voicing your concerns, talking about things you like or overthink, can be really helpful for your mental health. So people: being able to talk about your emotions to others is something you can be proud of!
Digital detox: Kinda ironic how I want to spend less time online and simultaneously starting a tumblr? But I spend so much time on Instagram mostly that could be used so much better, not even starting on how toxic Instagram actually is. Iā€™m bombarded by so much stuff that doesnā€™t interest me at all, I know that and I still find myself opening Instagram waaay to often just out of habit. Definitly something I want to stop!
Getting a decent sleeping schedule: My sleeping schedule is actually not too bad to begin with but I still want to get up earlier instead of staying in bed for at least half an hour after I woke up. Iā€™m definitely not one of those people who can get up at 5am or whatever but just not staying in bed until 5 minutes before lectures would be nice.
Spending more time doing things I love but do way to rarely
Study more concentrated and with system: The digital semester is really hard for me and the amount of procrastination not even countable anymore. But as I really donā€™t want to fail my classes and have to retake the exams I really need to study with more of a plan and not just try to cram everything a week before each exam. With organic chemistry and the huge biology exam coming up, I know this is not going to work again.
More consistency in general: This especially refers to my wish of knowing Korean. Iā€™ve basically wanted to learn Korean since 2016 but I was never consistent enough to get anywhere with it. So this time Iā€™m hoping to keep staying motivated.
Practicing the guitar and bass more planned: I own my electric guitar for two and a half years already and I feel like if I continue practicing like I do now I will never get anywhere. I basically just try to learn songs I like by looking up tabs but I never practice any technique or any theory or anything that is useful for mastering more than just playing off tabs.
Trying to leave the house once a day: With online university, not being able to really do sports and winter combined I really leave the house mostly to do grocery shopping. But itā€™s actually important to be at least a bit active, to move once in a while and go for a walk. So I really want to try to go out for at least a short once a day to get a bit of fresh air and clean my head from too many worries.
I actually thought of one or two more things, but they feel to unimportant to actually write them down here. But I have them written down on my handwritten note so I hope Iā€™m not going to forget about them instantly.
I already kinda look forward to looking back on this list from time to time to see what I already improved and what I have to work on more. To my future self: I hope youā€™re doing great and donā€™t worry too much if you didnā€™t achieve everything on here.
-Tue, January 12th
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prorevenge Ā· 5 years ago
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"I have an A-, so let me steal you art."
I had this friend clear back in junior high. Well, she was more of an acquaintance than a friend. We will call her Miss.
I met Miss in my 8th grade. She had moved to the area during summer. I'm the type of person who tries to include those who aren't being included anywhere else. And, due to the fact that she was a new student who didn't move in part way in the year, she was alone. (When new kids come part way, they are swarmed by students.) Miss and I had a few of the same interests. Anime, especially Naruto, we loved making music, and though she was a tad overweight, she loved to run (which I thought was awesome).
Anyways. Even though we had connected in some places, Miss always made me feel...uneasy. She had this tendency to jump headfirst into something. Sometimes, it equaled out into a grand talent, other times, she had a severe addiction to Sims. But, due to this motivation she wore, her math skills were above and beyond. Miss was a year younger than me and was already in my math class. I was, and still am, terrible at math. It doesn't click for me. It is normal for me to stay in the D range for my math, even after doing all the worksheets, studying many hours every night and taking every test. At least I tried.
Miss refused to tutor me at all. Which was fine. Her choice. I do not think she quite grasped how tough math was for me. There was one day she came in and said, "Aren't you excited to take calculus with me. We should be in it the same time in high school." I just laughed. (I never even made it to pre-cal.) There was a strange thing I noticed though. Miss was absent every single test. I thought it was something that should be addressed. But, I had watched her do assignments and they were a breeze for her. I wouldn't see a reason for her to cheat.
Toward the end of our first semester, Miss had noticed that I drew on a regular basis. I'm an artist. Far more so now than back then. I can't even look at my art from junior high without cringing. She asked for me to draw her something. I was delighted and said yes. Whipping her up something that was similar to other pieces I had done. It was on line paper and wasn't the best thing I had accomplished by that age.
As the semester was coming to a close, I realized the likelihood of me getting a D+ by the end was small. That meant I wouldn't be able to go on the school trip. Which, as you would imagine, devastated me. The last chance I had was an art project my math teacher would do every term. It still involved math, but a creative outlook on it. This one was based on a radius of a circle. So someone could draw a dog with a leash as the radius, and the grass may create a circle around the dog. As long as it had that idea, it counted. And, the art was judged, first and second places received extra credit. Basically, this was salvation for the super artsy students.
There hadn't ever been a term where I didn't get first place. I got first place the year prior as well. This was the only way I had passed. I attempted to think outside the box. (As the dog and leash was used regularly.) I ended up drawing an angel with broken wings, chained at her ankle with a sort of magic suppression circle beneath her.
After the drawings were judged, the teacher would go through all of them and show the class. The last two were shown as 2nd and 1st place. Some people had cute ideas and then he went to 2nd place. I saw my drawing. The one I had turned in. I got 2nd place. That never happened. And then, he lifted up 1st place. I also saw my drawing. Mine. The one I had drawn for Miss. The speed at which I twisted to turn my body toward her must have given her the hint that I wasn't happy. She later came up to me and said, "I'm sorry. I needed the extra credit, I'm at an A-."
I didn't say anything to her at the moment. I was fueled with anger and anything that would have come from my mouth likely would have been nonsense. But it bothered me that she wasn't willing to tutor me for ten minutes, and then proceeded to claim my art as her own while I failed.
I let it go for awhile. I still refused to speak to her, yet, my animosity only grew when I saw her absent for the final test, and, as I saw one of her friends she had made taking pictures of his test.
At the end of class and test taking, I walked up to the teacher with a giant binder of all of my art. I declared that she had stolen my art and displayed him my works in the binder. One of which was extremely similar to what I had drawn for her. My teacher said, "When I saw her piece, I even thought it was similar to your art." I then told the teacher that it seemed strange that Miss was absent every single test. The teacher knitted his brow and pulled out our attendance records and skimmed through it before saying, "AEON, thank you for bringing this to my attention. You may go."
For awhile, I didn't hear if anything had happened to Miss. Semester was about to come to a close, I still had a D- and winter break was on its way. But, one day, I come into class and sit down. Miss comes up behind me and sits in her own. I still hadn't exchanged words to her and then I hear:
"Miss, could you come here?" I glanced at the teacher and he gave me a smile that eased my entire being. Miss made her way to the teacher and I got to eat every bit of the conversation. "Miss, it has come to my attention that you do not deserve the extra credit of coming in first place. A friend of AEON's approached me and showed me proof that it was a gift she had given you. You are aware that even though art may be given as a gift, you can not and should not claim it as your own unless the artist agrees you may?" I heard subtle agreements from Miss. "Good," the teacher continued, "with your understanding of such, I'm sure you understand why I must give AEON not just the extra credit from earning 2nd place, but 1st place as well, giving her 70 points of extra credit." He seemed to say that especially loud. That amount would put me beyond a D+. I was thrilled.
It didn't stop though, the teacher kept going, but quieted his voice as more students filed in. "I have been going over your attendance. I found a glaring inconsistency in your absents. You have been gone every single test." I heard a rustle of papers. "As you can see, there isn't a single test you weren't absent for. Thus, you took them on a later date after school. I have spent the last couple weeks investigating this and have found that another student in this class had been taking pictures of the test and sending it to you. Are you willing to confirm this at this time? Or, would you like to wait until we have a meeting with your parents."
Silence.
Pure, revengeful silence. All those years practicing my art wasn't going to be abused. I figured that she must have known that I was the reason for such knowledge to pop up and I didn't care by this point. I didn't need to say a single thing to her.
Miss finally spoke. "I am good at math, AEON can confirm that." I had to stifle a laugh, because, I honestly could. I watched her math in front of me all the time.
"Meeting it is then. I would like you to know that we have records of the text messages between you and the person who sent the images. He will also be joining the meeting. Whether or not you are good at math won't change the situation. In the end, you may need to retake this course."
Miss gave a brief, "Okay," and sauntered to her desk.
I didn't get to know much after that. As much as I wanted to hear everything, the teacher still needed to uphold a safe environment. That being said, there are some cherries on this cake worth taking note when I saw her again in high school. While I knew we were about to be in the same school again, I had no plans on reaching out. She sought me out though and pulled me aside.
Miss went on to say that I destroyed a lot of her parents' faith in her as well as her teachers'. Her entire school life was dissected and studied. They found further errors where they had figured out where she had been cheating. Any respect teachers found in her had decayed. Her final year in junior high was a mass of redoing classes and taking online classes to catch up and be ready for high school. I had ruined a lot of her life. And then Miss said, "I'm happy you did it while I was in junior high before someone called me out in college. I don't think I would have stopped if I hadn't been taken down. Since then I've been actually trying. I've even lost weight!" (I'm not sure what the weight thing had to do with me ruining her reputation, but, that's what she said.)
I went on to tell her that that's great and I hoped she would continue to prosper in her education and body, but I did let her know that I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with her again. I mentioned that having someone steal my art after I gifted it to them quaked a lot of my trust and I haven't given anyone my artwork since. (I have now after five years being out of high school.) She understood and took it well.
I feel like this is pro-revenge in two ways. One, I gave her her comeuppance, I got my revenge. I received my extra credit plus some. I went on the school trip when she didn't. Everything fell exactly where I wanted it. But, two, I also helped her stop cheating her way through life, inevitably leading to a better future. Who knows, she may have fallen back in her ways, but at the time, everything worked out.
(source) story by (/u/AEONmeteorite)
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dauntlessengineer Ā· 5 years ago
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Hi! I know that you might not care but I just would like to share and apologize for all the unanswered asks. I took a break from social media, including social interactions, to clear my head. ā€˜Cause sometimes I need my alone time in order to recharge, but now it took me months to jump back into action. I only reblog stuff in here, scrolling through my dash sometimes calms my mind. So, yeah.
Okay, itā€™s been a year since I graduated uni and unfortunately, I didnā€™t pass my board exams last November. So I decided to take a break for my own sanity. It was really tough but I learned that everything happens for a reason. I rested my mind. I started writing again. Even though I took up an Engineering course, writing has always been my passion and it quickly became an escape away from my destructive tendencies. Now, my mind is finally clear and I was able to look pass my faults and set up a clear goal for my future.
I really didnā€™t plan on retaking the exam, that was supposed to be this month. But the May board exams is postponed due to the pandemic, so I donā€™t know whatā€™s the deal on that.
Fortunately, because finally Iā€™m on a clear head space, I decided to enroll for a review center again (different from the last one). And theyā€™re going to start online review classes on June 1st which Iā€™m really looking forward to. I am actually excited to study again, I think I might have to put on more work because my brain rested from Engineering for months.
I just really like to talk about this here because Studyblr community inspired me on a lot of things. We all have our own struggles and battles but I believe that weā€™re all going to overcome every single one of it. I hope everyoneā€™s mental health is well taken care of especially during these trying times. I really wish for everyone to stay motivated, healthy and happy. Weā€™re all going to get there! Just keep going.šŸƒ
Sincerely,
Michy, The Dauntless Engineer šŸ‘·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø
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