#and i have no motivation to study so even if i was able to retake it tomorrow id forget what we learned about so hshahahshajjq

[winryrockbellwannabe]

38-41 dop - [20 - 23/january]

hmm weird days tbh.

I barely remember anything about them except that i studied for my Biophysics test, and then i took it yesterday lol. It went well btw.

📷 Also, i realized that filming myself while studying is a good way to keep myself accountable when I don't feel that much motivation. And everytime i try to look at my phone i remember it's filming, which stops me from reaching for it and guilt trips me to keep studying, so another advantage :))

............. now about ✨today✨ ..................

42 dop (January 24th)

surprisingly good day

I woke up feeling so meh, barely managed to do anything in the morning. But then my friend was feeling off as well, and he called me.

🍲It really changed my mood immediately, i managed to prepare my lunch, do the dishes, and prepare myself to take a shower. So then we decided to videochat in the afternoon to study together. I somehow managed to revise half the topics for my Biostats exam (im going to retake it)

👩🏻‍💻 Even tho my friend still wasn't in the mood for studying, i somehow still managed to be productive, i think i just needed some human contact to give me the strength to actually move and do the stuff i wanted to do, bc i was basically in freeze mode, which sucked.

👩🏻‍🎓 We also did some research about our master degree options and subjects, we usually can't choose which subjects to take (they're mandatory of the degree) but in our master's we'll be able to choose a few optionals from a selection, so we also discussed those a bit and searched about it during my study breaks.

Aand now im going to study some more :)) Hope y'all have a wonderful day 🦋

[beyejun]

hi everyone this is laur (except im changing my alias to august) and i figured i'd do all of my muse announcements in one lil post <3

first of all, you might have noticed that i've k*lled alex. it wasn't a lack of muse so much as i felt that he didn't suit wannabe's premise as much as i'd hoped he'd evolve into. even after his closest friends were getting signed, he had no interest in being an idol so it was kinda a lost cause there... plus, i had wanted to bring yejun back since i dropped him about a year ago, and didn't want to break any rules, so... here we are now!

if u remember yejun you might also remember that i dropped him almost exactly a year ago bc of my terrible seasonal depression. well, i am happy to report that i am doing much better (so far) this year and regularly taking vitamin d makes a huge difference! so now the boy is here to stay.

very little changed about him, but i'll still do a quick recap under the cut!

a lot of this is copied-pasted from my last intro post on yejun... work smarter not harder aksjdhfas

tl;dr of any changes

i changed his history a bit so the last year+ was spent doing his military service; he's only recently returned in time to return to his studies this fall semester.

he's in @bejoomi's band! drummer (which is also a new skill).

tl;dr of his backstory

knew he wanted to pursue music professionally basically since middle school, however his parents are extremely opposed to the idea and would rather see him do something more “respectable” (aka something that he’ll actually make money at lol)

saved up his allowance to buy his own guitar and taught himself to play with the help of youtube because his parents said that if they were going to pay for instrument lessons, he’d have to learn violin or piano or something more “formal”… so as u can see as a child he was (respectfully) defiant and did his own thing anyway (also learned the drums somehow in this time)

he made a deal w his parents that if he could get scouted by an entertainment company by the time he graduated high school, he could pursue music. obviously, he is not a trainee or an idol, so that failed. so his end of the bargain was that he’d go to university for whatever they wanted instead.

he had to retake the exam once bc the first time he took it his scores were so bad so he started a year late and is currently in his sophomore year as an economics major. it’s still a mild disappointment to his parents since he has a brother who is a lawyer and the other is in med school, but it was the best program that yejun could get into.

needless to say. he hates economics. he’s doing his best but his motivation is at an all time low, he constantly feels burned out and tired, and honestly he’s probably depressed but he doesn’t know it bc he doesn’t think he’s “bad enough” to be “actually depressed” but he is just gaslighting himself honestly

interests and personality quirks

since starting economics school he’s slowly lost motivation to do anything that he used to do for fun, which unfortunately includes playing guitar. he hasn’t touched it in about a year… :( he is playing drums again tho

does the bedtime revenge thing where he stays up late when he really shouldn’t… he says it’s bc he doesn’t want to wake up and have to go to class

because he doesn’t sleep much at night he survives on a delicate balance between a caffeine addiction (he loves a good iced americano) and mid-day depression naps.

kinda hard to get him out and about these days… but that said he’s into video games, mostly team-based first person shooters, and is apparently a tank main. i don’t actually play any first person shooters so i have no idea of the details on this but he’s supposedly a decent player (nowhere near pro but able to be somewhat competitive in casual games)… when he’s staying up all night he’s probably playing games with his friends

also plays minecraft when he wants something slower paced… not particularly good at anything in it but he likes building his silly little house

oh by the way! he has an aunt who lives near his parents who visited often… she’d often make remarks about his chubby cheeks, call him fat and ugly, and after growing up hearing that constantly yejun honestly believes her

another fun (and by fun i mean decidedly unfun) tidbit is that he had a gf he was very serious about in his freshman yr of uni… it was a relatively short relationship but he genuinely thought he’d marry her. until she gave him chlamydia right after he came home from the military (he was going to propose too btw). turns out she was cheating! needless to say they broke up, yejun is now healthy after a round of antibiotics, and he doesn’t want to talk about her ever again. he tried a rebound or two to see if they’d cheer him up but they honestly made him feel worse so he ditched that idea pretty quickly… happy to stay single for now (supposedly)

plots & relationships

this boy… needs some friends in his life that’ll deal with his depressive tendencies and maybe push him out of his comfort zone. maybe a friend who keeps trying to set him up w other girls to help him find someone who actually makes him forget about his ex? or a friend who invites him out for coffee at least once a week just to make sure he gets out of the house for something other than classes sometimes… other cute ideas too pls i would like to put so much love into his life he has no choice but to get better

classmates too ofc… i dont expect anyone else to be an economics major but maybe they had some gen eds together? or were in the same freshman orientation and stayed in touch? i didn’t specify where he’s going but it’s not an arts school, so this is open for plotting out the details!

along w classmates… study buddies? they dont have to go to the same school or anything tbh they can just meet up at the same libraries, cafes, etc. and work on their own stuff… just having someone else around helps keep yejun on track a little bit better

high school friends too… he went to sopa thanks to the deal w his parents, so anyone he was close with then would’ve probably known about it and known what became of it… he’s a lot quieter and more subdued than he used to be so i wonder what your muse would think about that 🤔

i also do love some good antagonistic plots so maybe some old rivals who are happy to kick him while he’s down… alternatively rivals who miss his competition and want him back in the music/idol wannabe scene to help push them both

considered the idea of him having been in a band in high school with friends that’s since dissolved… so ex-bandmates might be cool

he's in dead calm but there's no rules that say he can't also play in another band as well! maybe someone should convince him to pick up the guitar again

[princess-of-the-corner]

I think it’d be interesting for Justin to still call Stevie pure evil only for Alex to call him out on it saying that she is kinda right

That it’s not fair for only 1 sibling to keep their powers,

True.

I think his initial reaction is less about her motives and more her actions? Not that she canonically /does/ much that was bad but maybe make her a little worse in some ways even if she ultimately has a point

I'm also thinking.....

We have the plot of the Council trying to take Alex's Magic, and Alex resisting. Then during the time their dad and his siblings had to retake the test and were temporarily given their Magic back, their Magic started resisting too. And the Council had to be like 'uh. We're having technical difficulties. Just. We'll come back for this try not to go fuckin nuts' and left them like that for now but with the intent to figure out some shit and possibly just deal with all of them at once.

Of course, word of this would get out in the Wizard World.

And if Stevie, a girl who is starting a rebellion of Wizards who want the Competition to end, finds about about a family or even just Alex specifically who resisted having their Magic taken....

Stevie showing up at Alex's school wouldn't be a coincidence. It was planned as a recruitment and intent to study into why she was able to resist and how she can use that.

So Justin calling Stevie 'evil' is less about her want to stop the Competition, but about how she showed up to manipulate and use Alex for her own wants.

[carinavi5]

I remember a teacher I had once, she was always so mad at people talking about how student didn't study because of lack of motivation.

I know she was pissed off because she wanted us to know that work should be done you feeling excited about it or not, to make us see that hard work and commitment are what actually make a difference.

She was an awful communicator, well she was lacking in a lot of areas to be honest, but at least she was right about that.

There was a blatant misunderstanding both from students and teachers about what motivation in education and in different grades is and should look like and be treated as.

She viewed "lack of motivation" as laziness, and us students thought it was the induced anxiety and all its consequences and expressions. Other professionals I think tried to apply the tools they knew or had read about, but they were all the kind to make kids in primary school feel engaged, us 16 year old's needed a bit of a different approach.

I don't want to do anything right now, I am being lazy in bed. I have reasons to want to study and pass this classes: I like what I'm studying, I wanna be a proper professional, I don't want to lose money and I made a deal with myself to buy something I really want if I don't have to retake any classes.

Those are more on the long run, but if I can't see a conection between working now and archieving that, or if I don't see them giving me the stimulation I crave at this very moment I may simply not work. Here I need compromise with my goals for the long run, I need to be logical, not let current emotions and desires drive me. So here is were my teachers point of view comes in play: hard work and commitment regardless of emotions because our rational side is guiding us.

But looking back at that time, how could I have wanted to work if fear and anxiety were freezing, crushing our self esteem, hope and moderate safety needed to be able to explore properly?

A good studying environment is like Zelda BotW or TotK.

It's big and extense, you can choose were to start.

You have a few tasks you can either do or not before going for the big boss, but you know they are gonna be helpful and fullfiling.

Yes, there's a bit of pressure in certain tasks, and if you are engaged with the story you really want to get things done and help the characters. Time. Pressure.

And the most important aspect: you can fuck up. But you can try things you're not sure if they're gonna work because even if those monsters may kill you, or you want to check if you'll actually die if you jump out of the cliff in front of the cave you've started the game in, you know it's no big issue if your character dies. You can go again with no big repercussions. You are being taken care of, held and helped, but not constricted and not rushed.

[santamaria-c100]

This semester was a struggle. 

Transitioning from the pandemic years’ remote learning into this new semester’s blended face-to-face set up hasn’t been the easiest for me. It’s been exciting, for sure, but the adjustment has been tough for me and balancing my life, rest, and work has been absolutely overwhelming. I’ve also just shifted into a new course this semester (film, my dream course!) and while I definitely feel much more at peace, working towards something I feel is worth it, it’s been a whole lot of new. 

Partway through the semester, I set out to file a leave of absence (my second). I was motivated by quite a few reasons: I felt I was in over my depth shifting mid-schoolyear, I was approaching my last semesters under the free tuition act and was worried my status as irregular would delay me even more than I needed to, and I just felt an overwhelming desire for rest. I gradually disappeared from most of my classes and left a lot of work neglected, but I was eventually unable to go through with my application and I ended up stacked with half a semester’s worth of schoolwork to finish. Catching up was... quite a lot.

In spite of it all, this semester’s Comm 100 classes has been a shining spot for me these last couple months. Mornings are not the easiest for me, and I typically end my nights very late and find myself with very few hours of sleep. However, even in the wee hours of the morning and even as I was contemplating taking a LOA, I always found the energy to brave the commute for this class (my only one on Fridays. 

I took most of this class’ coverage before in UPLB, though I had to retake it this semester since my previous class isn’t eligible to be credited, and as a new Maskom shiftee this course was necessary for nearly all my other classes. Despite this, this class has always kept things so fresh. I really appreciated how your perspective as a media practitioner provided so much valuable insight, more than just from a curriculum or a study guide. All your anecdotes and jokes, and the welcoming atmosphere in the classroom kept me sane, and grounded much of the learning into something meaningful. The requirements were also rewarding to accomplish (despite taking me way too long to finish them) and it was fun to exercise my creative skills. I especially loved getting to draw both my group’s mascot and my final TV souvenir.

Dearest Ma’am Tessa, I know you are seeing this message way later than you should be, and I’m really sorry for how tardy I’ve been with my requirements this semester, but I am so grateful to have taken this class under you. Thank you so much for your patience, warmth, and wisdom. I hope I was able to express a little part of me in each of these souvenirs, and that you’d be able to get to know me better as you go through them all. 

❤️ Andy

[ace-with--a-mace]

been at school a little less than a month and i already got a c in math 😐

[theunaestheticstudyblr]

Are y'all ready for a tough conversation? Because I think many of us need to hear this.

Are you overworking, glorifying burnout and productivity because you actually enjoy it or because you feel something. Like you have to prove something. Ignore something. Distract yourself. Be better than everyone else. Stand out. Make other proud. Which is it? Do you actually get joy out of getting up at 5am and working all day long, living a picturesque version of what you believe life should be for pretty photos, bragging rights, and/or trying to prove something? Are you scheduling your days full of things to do to avoid dealing with something? To keep your mind so busy you can't even bother to worry about anything else? Are you spending extra hours a week to create an aesthetic catered to people around you and not yourself? Are you actually happy with all of this? All your actions? All your choices?

I'm not saying that you are doing any of this. You might actually truly enjoy it, and if so, that's amazing!!! I myself am someone who loves to get up early and be busy. I love excelling. I love working hard. But my motivations for doing so are now for me. Before, they were for other people. I went to college because it was expected of me. I did everything to please someone else. I loved doing it, but didn't know why it also made me so drained, hate-filled, and extremely destructive. Now, I get up at 5 am and I don't start studying or working out like I used to. I go down to the water, watch the sunrise, and take my ferret on a walk. I don't drink coffee with little sugar and creamer. Now I drink it so sweet because that's how I like it and fuck my ex for making me think I'm somehow lesser for that. Now I study because I love learning. I read biographies and autobiographies and true stories to learn about things I enjoy, not to be able to fit the mold my dad created for me. I stopped with my bujo because it stopped becoming about me and being productive and creative and became about the notes. I deleted my old studyblr because it wasn't about me and my studies anymore, it was about the notes. I work hard at work because I love my job, not for praise.

Here's the uncomfortable part. I used to drown myself in work and school and restrictions because of trauma, self doubt, depression, etc. I was miserable and so caught up in this image of perfection and trying to reach some goal that I didn't even know what it was. It was nothing but a negative cycle of hate and abuse on myself for merely being human and experiencing human things. But here I am, 7:47am on a holiday, in bed in my pj's with unwashed hair and sunshine and birdsongs filling my room and I don't hate myself or feel bad for still being in bed. I'm not going to punish myself later. I'm not going to drag it through my day. I understand that I worked really hard this whole week and today's a holiday and I'm allowed to rest as my body wants. I'm allowed to eat as my body wants. I'm allowed to relax and just exist with no end goal in mind. I'm 15lbs heavier than I used to be. I have clothes on my floor and a cluttered desk and a p-trap with dirt in it from a stupid idea. I don't have a calender full of alarms and reminders. I don't have an agenda or a bujo or anything like that. What I do have now, is self respect, self love, and self reliance. And through that, I have better relationships with those around me who support me and respect that I am my own person. I own up to my mistakes and I don't beat myself up over them anymore. I failed a test? There's more. I failed the class? I can retake it. I woke up late? My body needed that extra rest. I didn't finish my sets? That's ok!

Trauma, depression, anxiety, ocd, adhd, addiction, etc can all cause you to push yourself to the point past breaking. It can destroy your life physically and mentally. And it all did for me. And it was a tough realization and a lot of hard choices. But I'm so thankful for the woman who spent those nights crying and comforting herself. I'm so thankful for the woman who stayed sober those nights she wanted nothing more than to disappear. I'm so thankful for that woman who was pushed too far and snapped and was alone. I'm so thankful for that woman who almost smashed every mirror in the house because she wanted to grow instead of being caught up on how she was gaining weight (I just hung towels over them or kept the lights off instead). I'm so thankful for the woman who got up and walked out of rooms instead of throwing a fist. I'm so thankful for the woman who went through so much to get me here today. And I'm beyond thankful for those who were there with me through the years it took. Who let me fall and let me pick myself back up and who answered the phone at 3am and who helped me so much through all of this. And I'm so thankful for my sister for having the guts to tell me that my studies, my need to constantly be busy, was nothing more to me than just another addiction to numb myself instead of work on myself.

So this year, I ask you to question your motives, and if you're ready and able and have a good support system (I'm always here for you even if I don't know you), to work on yourself. I ask you to be selfish. I ask you to finally do things for you because they make you HAPPY. This year, I ask you to LET yourself be happy, because love, you deserve it more than you'll ever know.

[jiminrings]

hellooo can i request a drabble of uni!au art major tae and biochem major yn? also part one of the would you series is AMAZINGGG seriously i cant wait to read more!! <3

rich kid kim

pairing: taehyung x y/n

wordcount: 5k

glimpse: tae’s cold and probably needs a friend more than he needs a model, y/n feels this nEED to take care of him, a term of enderment then a dash of emotional constipation and a sprinkle of jealousy :D

notes: thank you for the request babes!! writing this made my heart melt and aND!!! thank you omg i’m glad you like would you :((

if you squint or if you’ve read insufferable, this is most probably taehyung and his y/n!!!

taehyung is personally more than willing to pay himself out of this project

oKAY LISTEN

he’s not the proudest knowing that he comes from a rich family and he’s the only kid and he’s never really struggled for much

everything was just given to him without any hesitations whatsoever

and yeah he admits that he can nEVER admit that his pampered and luxurious lifestyle since birth has shaped him to be this way and it’s hard to unlearn these types of things

things were too easy for him and thAt’s what made it hard

tae is the farthest thing from an outcast..,.,.,.,

.,.,. but that’s him in his usual rich boi bubble of elites wherever he goes because he’s surrounded by people like him

hoseok and jimin have got to be his closest friends but of course they pursued business degrees and everyone must’ve probably saw that coming

nobody, however, expected the kim taehyung to pursue a degree based rootly on passion and even major in it

yeah that’s right what are yOU looking at???

he’s an art student and yeah he’s taking this seriously ://

do yOU have a problem with that?? do you?? no what did you say?? step the fuck up ky-

spoiler alert: people do have a problem with that

taehyung could tell that his parents did a complete 180 when they learned through jimin’s noisy-ass mouth (not even through their own son) that he’s gonna be getting an art degree

his dad’s the one who’s most especially disappointed at him because well he’s the only child and uhhhh.,.,.,, so who’s gonna inherit the company now.,.,,,

tae normally feels selfish and this time, he felt like he was being rational rather than being selfish!! this is what he passionately wants!! pls god can i be selfish oNE more time

eventually his parents had no choice because as their son explained,, having an art degree won’t keep him away from the family business at all and he could even expand it!! he doesn’t need a degree!!! 

lmao he’s been putting the money he gets on the stock market ever since he was ten years old

and they had to accept it eventually because this is what HE wants and if this is the only thing that he wants... then might as well help him through it, right??

now this is another dilemma

taehyung’s applied at a regular university in which everyone’s blended together and no one really cares about who’s who

it’s not exclusive to people like him.

he submitted his requirements and his portfolios by himself!!

and he got accepted!!

he’s nOT SURE if it’s purely because of his skills and himself and not his parents’ money nor influence

whatever it is, he doesn’t want to know because if it ends up being the answer he doesn’t want?? lol he’d crawl into a hole and mope for a week and would be doomed to wear three-piece suits for the rest of his life 

so anyways

yeah..,, this is one of the handful of times that taehyung is completely willing to pay himself out 

this project was supposed to be easy enough as what the professor said but uH he’d like to passive-aggressively decline pls and thank you

their final project was to make a portrait

right?? easy!!

a portrait of sOMEONE IN CAMPUS,,, regardless if you know them or not

(( well of course you’d get to know them by the end because yea they’re required to show proof that they indeed met and the model did agree to be painted ))

and by the end of the project, it’s either they keep it to themselves or give it to the model!!

that should be easy, right??

...

....

...... pls say right

oh my god tae should probably drop out now so he doesn’t get to do this

rich people don’t necessarily have to be educated, right???? maybe he’ll just settle into being a himbo 

he learned about the meaning of the word through urban dictionary that he tHEN only learned about like six months ago and now he gets so many things

taehyung’s not intimidated by the workload of it all -- in fact, he’s even excited about it because it helps him relax!!

what he’s intimidated about is the fact that he’s kim taehyung and there are only two possible options

either his model would be someone who knows him and would be taking every possible step to ensure that they climb the social ladder through him and they’re not even gonna be dISCREET about it

OR

his model wouldn’t completely care about who he is and in the process belittles him upfront and tbh his hart wouldn’t be able to take that and he’s probably wipe his tears away with dollar bills

there is almost no in-between, that one he’s sure of

so why are you like this?

why are you neither of the two and why are you sO kind and go against his expectations????

do you have an ulterior motive or something????

you who’s a biochem major and is actually another building away from his own

you who’s made the initiative that you become hIS model

you who actually oFFERED and almost begged to be a part of a project that would only be for tae’s benefit

... aha

that’s about -5 points from being a cool laid-back nonchalant gal

+10 for looking like someone who’s had a massively obsessive crush on him since day one and looking like you’d lay his life for him

no but lmao actually you just learned about taehyung in a magazine

you were bored at the dentist’s and scrolled through every possible outlet in your phone and it didn’t satiate you anymore!!! so how about reading a good ol’ magazine :D

then came taehyung

it was a whole issue dedicated to him and you were probably too dedicated into reading it that this time it was you telling the dentist to wait lol

that’s as far as you knew about him

and then you learned just some weeks ago that taehyung happens to study where you also study at and that was.,., inch resting

you never really saw him before around campus because it was too big and well maybe if you put in the effort, you’d actually find him

maybe you had a tiny lil admiration for kim taehyung just from one whole issue alone you read at the dentist’s or whatever

you’ve only known about this final project situation through changbin!!!

changbin, your neighbor at the apartment next to you, who’d crash over whenever his wifi feels the tiniest bit slow

yes you did spend a little more money to upgrade your internet situation (most times it’s the router who makes all the difference) because you were so tIRED of having things slow in the middle of researching for your projects in biochem)

no you will nOT have that <3

and of course changbin’s not having your that shitty wifi either so he pushed you to get that in the first place so he can use it too lmao

he’s told you just a couple of days ago about his final project and that maybe, just maybe, he’d make it into a move for this girl that he likes

nothing’s more romantic than pleading for someone to paint ur face right

and your grade and the decision to whether you’re gonna pass or flunk and graduate or retake are relying on you mostly

and in changbin’s case it’s also hIS heart on the line so yeah no pressure at all luv

“i kinda feel bad for rich kid kim, y’know?”

“what about taehyung???”

“eW do you have a crush on him??”

“addressing someone by their name equals to a crush??????”

your banters never stop because you’re as quick-witted as him and he both loves and hates it

he loves that omg someone can keep up with him and that way he gets challenged to always have the last say!!

he hates that oh god why is he friends with someone who reminds him of himself so much how is hE gonna deal with that??

sometimes he’ll purposely argue with you to fEEL something lmao

but there’s just something here that tells him you’re a little more interested now in this flow of conversation ever since rich kid kim was mentioned

“hm, nothing. i’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a model yet.”

he dodges you in the kitchen to look for peanut butter in your cupboard and oddly... you’re not berating him for decreasing your groceries....?

what does changbin mean by that? whAt model?? model as in taehyung doesn’t have the newest model of whatever car he wants? or maybe he has a model girlfriend and-

hold on wait wHAT

taehyung has a-

“m-model?”

he looks at you weirdly but you don’t even bat an eye when he gets ahold of your marshmallow spread so that he could make another one of his s’mores sandwiches

“uhhhh model as in he doesn’t have someone to paint for our project??”

is that what you wanted to hear or,.,

you and changbin share one (1) brain cell and it SHOWS

the two of you have to open your mouths, then close, then ponder, and then do that aGAIN until the both of you could finally grasp if you were in the same page

“oh cool!! i’ll be his model then!”

“yeah but did he ask”

“it’s gonna be easy!! i’ll just tag along with you to your building”

“yeah but did he aSK”

“we’re probably gonna hit it off instantly and then you’ll have to leech off from someone else for their wifi and food and every other necessity that you already have-”

“yeah but dID HE ASK????”

long-story short: no. taehyung most certainly did not ask you to be his model.

but here you are

saying that you came a long way is a bit of a stretch because taehyung mostly turns his head the other way around when you call out to him in public

progress is still progress :D

you’re eating lunch with him at the same table and this time you’re sat beside him!! when normally he’d just walk home to his apartment (lol that’s not allowed but you won’t be surprised to know that he has a free pass) and eat!!!

before that, taehyung would gLARE at you until you stop asking to sit with him in his table

yea he gets a bit lonely at time because jimin and hobi aren’t with him and hE’S the outcast but he won’t do anything about it,, just scroll through his phone while he eats and tune everyone out

you figured that maybe it’s changbin always linked with you in lunch because your schedules just matched up thAt perfectly like it does with tae’s

hee-hee so you might have elbowed him until he begrudgingly agreed to be tolerable, keep atleast four feet of distance from you, and not call tae rich kid kim

spoiler alert: taehyung doesn’t really care about whatever you do because doing those changes with changbin did nOT work at all

however

H O W E V E R

taehyung doesn’t know at all how you’ve wormed your way into his heart!!

what seem to be cold to you is his warmest he’s ever been in such a new environment and outside of his usual comfort bubbles!!!

it’s like you occasionally stealing the food from his plate when you have the same thing is the equivalent of h*lding h*nds with him

you putting your leg over his before he pushes it after five seconds mUST be the equivalent to marriage

wait he’s lying

taehyung does know how you’ve wormed your way to his heart

“hi! i’m y/n! :D”

ok u are a little bit sweaty and out of breath from doing all that fast-paced walking for the past ten minutes

your new shoes that you still need to break into further aren’t helping your situation in the slightest bit

honestly? this is all changbin’s fault <3

he unknowingly gave you the sign that you were looking for

if he says yeah five times with five minutes?? okay yeah you’re definitely looking for kim taehyung and offering yourself to become his model

you don’t wanna sound weird but you feel sorry for him and you wanna help him :((

he’s not helping you tho because he has long legs underneath those trousers and it looked like he wouldn’t budge at all not unless you jogged and stopped right in front of him

“hi! i’m y/n!! :D”

“...”

“.....”

tae’s a bit... perplexed

because who’s THIS entity and why are you standing in front of him

...

....

“bye y/n.”

:]

he wants to exit from this situation because oh my god??

why r u like this

he didn’t ASK for your name!!

and he doesn’t even know you and giving him your name honestly won’t do anything and he doesn’t get what’s your motive and-

“oh c’mon!! you didn’t even shake my hand :((”

he feels even more lost as he tries to wrap his head around that uh.....

you uh.... you wanted a handshake??

.....

tae doesn’t even hide his annoyance because it’s clear as day!!!

he’s blatantly tilting his head at you rudely with a blank stare omg take the hint pLEASE

realizing it now you mAY have came on too strong to taehyung that looks confused as ever

“hi, i’m y/n.”

changbin’s by one of the lockers taking pics of you beaming at taehyung and him scowling down to show you later how dumb you look and how you shouldn’t do this at all

okay LISTEN

his personality trait is to immediately assume the worst out of every scenario possible and that way when something slightly less worse happens? that’s a win babie ;D

he became ur friend in the first place because you heard him yelling since he’s at the door right next to yours and you could hEAR him throwing things around as he cusses his laptop

yeah he cusses his laptop what about it??

if you close your eyes hard enough, you could hear him throw his router against the wall (you later learned that he was so close to finishing his digitalization but then his laptop decided to die) before punching the air

(( the friendship started when you knocked vERY gently and offered him to borrow your laptop even if you aren’t done with all your homework ))

((( changbin thought at first that u were such an organized and too-friendly social butterfly who’s a kiss-ass to everyone but now he thinks ur the coolest person ever and he treasures you more than life itself )))

although, taehyung’s a lot more vicious and closed-off and critical than changbin

he narrows his gaze at you as you introduce yourself for the second time before merely clicking his tongue

“ok cool”

is that uhm

is that IT good sir

“you’re not,” you’re dancing around your words and being careful to not let a pout grace your lips at the sheer lack of enthusiasm, “gonna introduce yourself to me??”

you got a reaction alright

taehyung sCOFFS and that’s the loudest he’s ever been with you in the span of two minutes

“you followed me for ten minutes just to tell me your name. kinda seems like you already know mine if you do that, no?”

this is why you took up biochem instead of law

how do the lawyers not break down???

why does phoenix wright make it seem SO easy?? especially when he’s spoken to in a confrontal tone???

oh god taehyung broke you already

not to be rude but uh what do you wANT

can you get it over already??

“o-oh! uhm i was wondering if i could uHm,” you sound ridiculous now that you think about it and this is perhaps one of the only times you feel embarrassed, “volunteer to be your model for your project?”

hmm

was that a wrong answer,,,

sHOULD YOU HAVE SAID THAT??

“are you in my class?”

taehyung asks and he’s finally said a sentence to you!!! omg

you’re quite shocked so he had to click his tongue to get you to answer 

“no, actually!! i’m a biochem major and-...”

that’s all it takes before he hums and nods his head

and for some reason taehyung looks at you like you’re pREY

“are you a stalker?”

okay wait holy fuck wHAT

you know what

you took a sip from changbin’s coffee half an hour ago but why are you only choking on it nOW

you’re positively sputtering and now ur pressured bc tae thinks you’re a stalker!!! a damn stalker!!

“looked at you long enough. i don’t need a sketch artist and i could just-”

no no no pls no

this meeting is going downhill very quickly 

“oh my god taehyung i’m nOT a stalker okay!!!”

that shuts him up because your voice is so firm and okAY then how do u explain this stalker smh ://

throughout the whole time you’re talking about changbin being an art major and also your neighbor and everything in between, tae has such a neutral expression that you feel so intimidated

“-and that’s what!! i’m not taking advantage of you or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking i guess? i swear!!”

he listened and well if he’s being honest,,, okay yea you did make sense and he does know changbin

“okay then. i’ll think about it.”

“are you gonna give me your number???”

it’s either you’re so forward or he’s just not used to being caught off-guard

WHICH FUCKING ONE

“what for?”

it’s been so long ever since someone asked taehyung for his number

usually in galas and any other socialite gatherings you could think of, everyone’s number would just be in your phone automatically and you won’t even rEMEMBER how it got there in the first place

better yet, it’s been so long since he went back to his usual routine lifestyle of being himself 

his last gala was two weeks ago and tae had to keep looking at his phone to study pdfs and whatever clear pictures he can get of his reviewers back at home because he had a test tomorrow morning

“so you could text me where we’re gonna meet so you could paint me, silly!!”

:D

okay wOAH there

“i didn’t even say that you’d be my model????”

“lol but you were thinking it huh”

that’s it

taehyung has nO choice but to paint you if he wants to finish this project and graduate and have something of a thicker paper to flaunt

it came as a shock to him that hE took your offer and he could only imagine its effect on you

not to brag but tae didn’t even have to sweat for a little because it’s yOU who came to him with this offer!! not him!!

tae lives in the classiest apartment here in uni and everyone probably knows that

much to his insistence that he doesn’t want anyone from uni going outside his apartment, he had to take an L and invite you over

he wouldn’t risk doing his work in any place else because he doesn’t want anyone thinking and getting the wrong idea!!

speaking of, he’s regretting it now because you seem to be too happy being in his space

you’re pointing around and being awed at every possible thing!!! 

what??? is this ur first time seeing a rattan hanging chair :// or a massive couch?? or a canvas painting of something so beautiful?? all of that in what’s supposed to be a student’s one apartment??? christ y/n get yourself together

“so what do you want me to do?? where do i sit oR do i stand instead?? i’m gonna need you to know that-...”

“nothing.” taehyung deadpans before he gets his camera so he could get digital shots as well if ever he needs an extra touch when it comes to his final product

the gears in your head are going bRRR and you’re gonna have to ask him to elaborate but taehyung already sets the pace

“nothing. just be your rEALLY annoying self and pretend i’m not here.”

normally you don’t take his words to heart but this one just hits a little close to home bc it’s early in the morning and taehyung already finds you intolerable

“by pretend, do you mean-...”

“up to you. are you more annoying around me or no?”

how did he read your MIND

tae got the thoughts in your head word per word and you’re so amazed at that because fUcK you originally thought that he’s good at bluffing his way up

click!

it’s you smiling at him

no you’re beaming at him

and you’re in front of his morning-lit curtains and you’re against the light

the portrait itself is already visually appealing and satisfying and man the shadows!!! the value!!!! they’re so raw and dreamy and this is exactly his style!!!

it was just a one-take wonder as soon as he took a picture of you!!! and he may have you to hold that position if he needs the push!! he just needs to translate it to canvas with his own language and emotions and then he’s dONE!!

you’re a pain in the ass

you laugh and you move too much

taehyung had you to to revisit that pose and hold it and you wouldn’t stop giggling bc you were too proud that you did THAT!

you also ask too many things that even hE doesn’t have the answers to

how is he supposed to know if red string lovers exist when you went into a spiel just because you saw a red tube of paint???? and why is he saying his opinions on such trivial things when he has his final project to take care of???

and how is he supposed to know why YOU’RE here hanging out with him instead of finishing your own final project

jk maybe it’s the L word but you’re gonna subdue that as much as possible since taehyung looks like he’d leave you by yourself with any chance that he gets

and you even call him terms of endearment!!! nicknames!! pet names!! names that you’d call someone who’s familiar to you and you probably l*ve!!!

angel

that’s what you call him :))

“why do you call me that?”

“because you look like one”

“and how would yOU know what angels look like??”

“because if they were to exist then you’d probably look like one!!”

“but-”

“ok that’s one minute no more questions taehyung <3″

tae just provides you with all the conviction you need to take care of him without even knowing

not in a maternal type of instinct type of way, but rather in a sPECIAL someone type of way

you find yourself caring for him mOre than you ever could for any regular friend you have!!

you just throw a whole loaf of bread to changbin and call it a day

but for tae??? you go above and beyond!!

“did it ever hit you that rich kid kim never really introduced himself to you?”

oh right....

changbin points out one day and you could see where he was getting at

for some reason he always knew what was in your mind at any given time and sometimes it’s to your disadvantage

you seem to be growing on taehyung though!!

he tolerates you better now!!

sometimes he’ll find you loveable even

he likes having someone around and you’re the perfect contender

if he decides to not talk too much, then you fill up the white noise!!

if he wants you to shut up?? then yOU shut up but of course not without babbling for a little

he’s opened up but with some reservations

some reservations that you don’t mind but it’s normal that you feel sometimes left out, y’know??

because it’s been a good month since you and taehyung properly interacted but he still resents you as much if you think about it

“hey angel!!”

“what is it-...”

taehyung looks up from his meal that he’s been poking at his fork because this has to be the fourth time you call out to him

so he turns to look at you and-

oh

uhm

there seems to be a misunderstanding

you weren’t calling HIM

you were calling out to some other guy that iSN’T him

that’s seungmin!!! omg you haven’t seen him in so long and he just happened to pass by your lunch table!!!

apparently he has something to talk to you about which is why you’re standing up and leaving tae all alone on the table

seungmin’s smile is adorable as always and he gets you in a pretty good mood!!

oh god

dear gOD

what is taehyung feeling in his chEST???

tae’s grip on his fork is starting to get pRETTY tight

and if he’s aware enough, his right eye’s twitching and he’s practically scoffing under his breath

why tf would you call him that

WHO is angel and why is it nOT him anymore????

what he’s feeling is just unexplainable and it tastes something like betrayal

“who’s he?”

he quizzes you as soon as you get back to your table and you don’t waver one bit because you know he’s been asking questions recently

“oh that’s just seungmin!! we were childhood friends then he just transferred here awhile-...”

there’s a bitter taste on his tongue and it shows up in his face and you’re not even paying attention to him!!

“really? thought i was him for a second.”

ok now that got you to stop eating

????

why is he acting weird

taehyung looks even more irked because you look sO oblivious right now

“do you call everyone angel?”

o-oh where is this going

“uhm-”

you’re not even finished and to be honest you’re quite lost and taehyung sCOFFS you to the next century

“‘course you do.”

taehyung angrily finishes his meal and you leave it at that because ok maybe he had a bad day?? and he’s just taking it out on you??

and well tae DOESN’T want you to leave it at that

he wants you to ASK him why he’s mad!!! he’s passive-aggressive and it’s getting unhealthy but he’d rather choke than have him spill whatever he’s feeling

the next few days, taehyung avoids you like his LIFE depended on it

you’re not really bothered by it because he has his days, but this one’s just getting out of control

“are you giving me a time-out or something??”

lmao what did u do now

you nudge him when you see him by changbin’s apartment to borrow an easel even though he’s already got it by his apartment

yeah he’s mad at you and he’s petty but maybe he wants to see you again

tae’s giving you silent treatment and you don’t even question him for it

you don’t bother!!

you’re letting him do whatever he wants as always and he dOESN’T like it anymore!!!

he feels like he’s gonna combust at any given time and you don’t give a shit and he feels like yOU should give a shit because you always do!!

you always hover and worry around him but wHY does he feel like you’re not doing it anymore??

why does he yEARN FOR YOU???

it’s quite an an early night for you

you love biochem but sometimes it kicks your ass and it makes you retch at the mention of all-nighters nowadays!! bc they used to be fun but now doing them because you nEED to?? no thx

you’re already in your pajamas and you’re all washed up!! what could changbin need from you at 9 in the evening??

there’s an urgent knocking on your door and you resist the need to groan because you were about to really knock yourself out!! you need to get back all the rest you’ve wasted over your own final project

is that-

“taehyung?”

the man in question is in his huge yellow hoodie that swallows him up every time and he looks positively spent

his hair’s shaggy and his eyes are glazed and there’s a pink tint to his cheeks :((

he’s holding a baby hydroflask in his hands and you’re pretty sure that’s alcohol in there lol

“don’t call me taehyung!!”

he immediately snaps and you’re lost as aLWAYS

did he really just walk all the way to your complex to snAp at you??

“i’m not taehyung,” he frowns deeply and that’s when you’re a bit more mesmerized, “i’m angel.”

is this what you think it is??

your no.1 deflection move is to laugH and you’re doing that rn

something about this whole situation tickles you funny and you’re not sure what to feel about it

“i like your bottle!! i should get one for myself!!”

he could see right through you though

he ignores your stOOpid statements and goes to hold your hands :((

“no, no. i’m your angel. i-i’m your taehyung, right??”

listen

taehyung is the most confusing being you know and he’s so emotionally constipated that he outperforms changbin but this one,,,

this just feels so different

he’s hugging you

he’s embracing you

he’s burrowing his face to your neck and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t ever imagine what this would feel like :(((

he positively 100% might be in love with you

and you positively 100% might be in love with him too

he’s fishing for your hand by your side to put in between your bodies as he shakes it and that’s because he doesn’t wanna let go of the hug 

:((((

you’re melting and this what heaven must feel like :((((

“h-hi. name’s kim taehyung and i’m yours.”

[apas-95]

Hey weirdly specific ask but why did you drop out of your degree because im about to go into the same shit and I dunno im a little terrified and could use advice thanks sister

The program I was attending had a fairly large workload - classes were from 9 'til 4 every day, there were weekly tests that lasted from 6 to 8pm, and a weekly 4 hour group work session which auto-flunked you if you missed more than one. This wasn't actually that much of a problem - for the first few months, I powered through it, putting in a few hours minimum each day for homework, attending all my lectures, etc.

There were some issues, because I was a foreign student, with having access to certain resources, which were difficult to find, but overall I was doing okay, until I just had a really bad week and couldn't get out of bed. I'd suffered from depression before, but this time I could barely even motivate myself to walk downstairs to buy food. I managed to force myself into class a few times, and I might have been able to power through it, but I was late for a group work session by 20 minutes, since it got moved to another building, and my advisor basically took me aside and told me I may as well drop out, since functionally I'd already failed, so I did.

As it turned out, that was bullshit dfghfdgh, I could definitely have continued my studies even with the failed course, and would probably have been able to just retake it, in the worst case. So, if I can offer any advice, it's just to have perseverance. You don't need to do great, you just need to keep on doing it. Eventually you're gonna hit a rough patch, and the important thing is to keep on going, even if it seems like there's no point.

To borrow a metaphor from Chris Hadfield, the only thing you can really control is your attitude, to keep yourself feeling stable and headed in the right direction. If you lose attitude, you end up disoriented and off course, which is far worse than not achieving your immediate goal.

[four-loose-screws]

FE8 Novelization Translation - Chapter 13, Section 1

If you would like to start from the beginning, read a missed part, etc., click here!

FE Game Script Translations - FE Novel Translations - Original FE Support Conversations

If you are interested in donating to support my work, please check out my Ko-fi here. Thank you!

———————————

I call this a “section” because it is not a separate part of the chapter in the book, but divided from the rest of the chapter by a scene break.

———————————

Chapter 13: The Desert Palace

Jehanna was known as the Country of White Dunes. Just as that name implied, the capital city was chosen to be built upon a tiny patch of green land in the middle of a giant desert.

The rainy season was very short, and the air was dry almost the entire year round. Skeletons of animals that had collapsed from exhaustion dotted the desert. However, despite being suffocated by such harsh nature, Jehanna was also beautiful.

The country was ruled by Queen Ismaire. Her husband had passed long ago, and after overcoming countless hardships, she’d come to be a fine ruler for the country. The palace towered majestically over the white desert, and was a symbol of how the queen lived her life.

Eirika’s army traveled along the narrow main road built throughout the desert and towards the capital city. The palace looked so very far away.

What was going on inside that beautiful palace now? Just thinking about it lowered their spirits. Eirika was lost in thought as she swayed gently atop her horse, but noticed a small flower that had bloomed on the side of the road, and stopped.

When she jumped off her horse and went to pick the flower, she smelled a refreshing aroma. 

Tana saw what she was doing, and peered over at her. “It’s so cute! Wow, flowers can even bloom in a dry climate like this!”

“This is a medicinal plant. I forgot its name, but… it’s supposed to be very effective at relieving the pain of wounds. It only grows in dry climates, so it is a valuable plant.”

“Wow… you really know a lot about it! I'm surprised that you know something like that!"

Eirika smiled and stared down at the beautiful flower in her hand.

The person who had taught her all about it was Lyon. He had his very own medicinal plant garden in a corner of Grado Castle’s garden, where he grew a wide variety of plants. He’d even worked very hard to recreate a desert environment and tried to raise plants that only grew in that climate.

Ephraim showed no interest in medicinal plants, and did not come near them, but Eirika often visited the garden with Lyon. Even Lyon, who’d been shy at first, opened up and answered all of Eirika’s various questions on the subject, telling her all the plants’ names, effects, and how to care for them.

“Those without money cannot buy expensive medicine, right? But there are plants everywhere that can become effective medicines. I’m studying medicinal plants, and want to teach the people about them, because it should make life much easier for those suffering from illnesses…”

Eirika was impressed by all the things Lyon passionately shared with her. She still had much to learn about the world at the time, and hadn’t thought yet about the lives of the people.

“You’re so admirable, Lyon! You think as hard as you can to find a way to make everyone happy, don’t you?”

“Oh, I’m not admirable at all… This is the only sort of thing I can do… I’m terrible at sword fighting. I lose even to you.”

When Lyon said that, he seemed embarrassed, so much so that when Eirika looked at him, she felt sorry for him. She couldn’t keep herself from frowning.

‘Why can’t he realize what his own amazing strengths are? It doesn’t matter if he’s bad at sword fighting, because he posesses kindness and intelligence that is unlike anyone else’s.’

This was the same Lyon that had led the Grado Army and conquered Jehanna. Eirika still couldn’t believe it. 

Of course, a commanding officer didn’t need to be an exceptional soldier. It was also conceivable that Lyon was just being used as decoration, and someone else was really leading the army. However, Eirika was still not convinced.

“I’ve heard that Prince Lyon has a gentle personality, and loathes fighting.” Innes whispered, as if he could read Eirika’s wavering heart. He had come up beside her at some point, and was now walking alongside her horse.

“Seems like it was all an act. Perhaps he deceived you and Ephraim to get you two to let your guards down.”

“...That’s...” Eirika wanted to disagree, but she couldn’t find any strength to put into her voice.

Innes had never actually met Lyon, so he was suspicious of him. Eirika could assert that the many different ways he'd shown kindness could not have been false, but it would only be her insisting that her memories were the truth with no proof at all against the fact that they knew for certain that he had conquered Jehanna. 

“I’ve heard that he can use dark magic. Do you know how skilled he is in it, Eirika?”

“...Yes. The bishop that taught him always praised him highly because of his intelligence and passion for studying. He seemed to read difficult books a lot.”

"Then he is very dangerous.” Innes furrowed his brow.

Though he may know dark magic, Lyon never studied it with bad intentions. Darkness was important for bringing peace to people’s hearts. Lyon’s passion for learning magic was always for the sake of others.

L’Arachel was listening to their conversation, and added, “We have no reason to fear the power of darkness, for we have received the gods’ blessing! We shall retake the palace in one fell swoop!”

“No, we do not know if the queen is safe yet. She’s been taken as a hostage, so we must tread carefully.” Innes said.

“You’re right…” All of the energy drained from within L’Arachel, and she sighed deeply.

ー

Eirika’s army set up camp outside the city and decided to finalize their strategy.

There were hardly any people in the capital, and it had become very quiet. At first, Jehanna Palace looked like a beautiful mirage, but from this closer distance, they could see that it was guarded by a sturdy wall. Now that it had fallen into the hands of the enemy, the strength of that wall had backfired.

“The only way to minimize the damage we cause as we attack the palace is to swiftly tear down the front gate. The armored knights should rush in with the cavalry, then the infantry should follow in right after them. Still, we must prepare to damage the palace if need be…” Seth’s expression was dark. 

Innes asked, “Were we able to acquire any knowledge about the palace’s inner structure?”

“No. It is very complex, and we do not know the details of it.”

“That’s not good. We have no idea what kind of traps the enemy has laid out...”

“Rather than tear down the front gate, we should go around the side.”

Eirika and the others all looked up towards the source of the voice that had suddenly cut in from the side.

Those attending the meeting should have been only the army’s leaders. However, at some point, Joshua had entered the tent.

Innes huffed and ordered, “We’re in the middle of an important meeting right now. Please leave.”

“You want to know the inner structure of the palace, right? I’ll tell you.”

“What? Why would you know…?”

“Please wait, Innes!” Eirika stopped him.

Joshua had many years of experience as a mercenary. He might have had an opportunity to obtain a map of the palace at some point. It was unfortunate, but they didn’t have time to question him about it. If they did not hurry, then the queen would be in trouble.

“Please tell us everything you know, Joshua. Are there any other methods of getting inside the palace besides breaking down the front gate?”

“The layout of the palace is very complex. The front gate is not the only way inside. There is also a small passageway that merchants use to get in and out. It is likely that the enemy has not realized it is there.”

“...Can you lead us to it?”

“Yes.” Joshua nodded lightly. 

Innes narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

But Eirika decided to trust him. She had been suspicious of his true motives once in the past, but up until now, he had always fought as another member of her army with all his strength. She did not want to question that sincerity any longer.

Joshua pulled out a piece of paper that had a quick sketch of the palace drawn on it. Though the drawing only consisted of simple lines, it was surprisingly detailed. It had everything they would need written on it, from the placement of the hallways and rooms, to where the stairs and even pillars were. 

“The throne room is inside here. Prince Lyon is most likely leading the army from in there. And in the basement, there is an altar. If they are keeping the queen confined, then it is likely that they are using this room down there to do so.” Joshua pointed at the map and explained. 

Seth and Innes stared at the map with very serious looks on their faces.

“We’ll designate a large enough force to rush the gate and feint an attack on it. They will be a diversion and draw in the enemy, and should attack and retreat repeatedly so that no one is injured. Using that gap in the enemy’s defenses, a small elite force will attack from the merchant’s entrance on the east side. The enemy's guard there will probably be light, so we should be able to attack and defeat them in one swoop. After we establish that area as a base, we will head for the throne room.”

“...Alright.” Innes seemed to agree with that strategy. He raised his head up with confidence and looked at Joshua. “I shall lead the diversion team. At the very least, we will make a scene, and keep them in one area. Eirika, I want you to lead the elite force. Joshua, you will of course guide Eirika down the merchant’s entrance.”

Eirika nodded and looked at Joshua.

He had the same thin smile on his face as always, but his expression looked a bit more stiff than usual.

It wasn’t just a strange feeling. Something about the way Joshua was acting was undoubtedly strange. A dark color shaded his eyes. He seemed to have noticed that Eirika was staring at him, as he quickly turned his head away, and rushed out of the tent.

[lesstestingmorelearning]

#43. Students: Our MCAS Stories, Continued

Editor’s note: This is the third of three installments of MCAS stories by 10th grade geometry teacher Sarah Cramer’s students at Claremont Academy in Worcester. To read Sarah’s introduction, see story #41, below.

I and many others have been taking MCAS for as long as we can remember, but why? And most importantly, why does it have to be a graduation requirement. We work our butts off in school, and you’re telling me MCAS determines if we graduate or not? If you ask me, that just doesn't seem right. But not just that, imagine giving MCAS in a global pandemic. How did no one stop this? We have spent a whole year in our houses in fear for ourselves and loved ones because of what's going on. We’ve been taking school online, looking at a screen for hours, pushing to get things done. Was it easy? NO! Were there times I couldn't? YES! But did we keep going? Of course, because a lot of us care. But to be honest, I didn't learn much and the fact that I had to take this big required test in a school year where I learned nothing honestly makes me sad, mad and kind of disappointed. We should have just gotten a pass, in my opinion, and not have to be obligated to go to a school in the middle of a pandemic just to take a test. To me and many others, it just doesn't make sense. Like why risk my health for that when I know I most likely failed, for the simple reason that I learned nothing this year? It's not the teachers’ fault; it's just the lack of motivation and understanding for me. With everything considered, MCAS should not be a requirement to graduate because it doesn't show what we truly have learned and been through to get where we are now, and it should never happen again. - Marben Canas Cruz

These tests are pointless. We’re already learning things that we'll never have to use in normal everyday life. Now we have a test where it's still pointless. The school system divides the students. I've known people who say they're going to drop out of school, and a reason they give is the MCAS and its irrelevance. It stresses people out because if you don't pass, you need to retake it just to graduate high school. But fail it so many times, and you may want to drop out. This affects our personal life. I can go home and be studying but getting stressed out and taking out my frustration on others. Some of us work and have jobs because not every family in Massachusetts is living well. Some have to work more than even your 15- to 17-year-old child has to work and help out. MCAS is pointless, especially when it's not fair. - Oscar Almendarez

I don´t think MCAS should be counted for graduation, or should even happen at all. This year was completely different from other years because of the pandemic. Students had to quickly adapt to a homeschool lifestyle when learning was only remote. We had to struggle with being away from friends and not being able to socialize (which is incredibly important for teenagers). Many students are struggling with keeping up with their work because of all of these new changes. Instead of giving them more stress with the MCAS, the state should focus on providing relief during the pandemic (with technology, school supplies, food pantries, COVID vaccination sites).

I think that MCAS is a bit stressful. You have to prepare yourself, concentrate on what you write and if the answer is correct or not. I think that MCAS should not influence your graduation because it is very difficult to know if you could pass the test. MCAS should not have been given this year because it was very difficult and different from other years. You had to do it with great caution and, besides this, the pandemic is quite difficult. I think that MCAS would be better if they don't put pressure on you to pass and be able to graduate. In some parts, it could be good because if you have pressure you can put more interest and be able to pay more attention to things in class.

Last year and this were a little different and difficult, not only for me but for other people. I had to attend classes from my home and do work from my home. For me the MCAS did not have to happen because COVID happened worldwide. It did not have to happen because we worked at home, which is something more difficult than in person.

I have been taking the MCAS since elementary school, so I was used to it. The test really didn't bother me that much because it was on paper. Once we started doing the MCAS over the computer, that's when I started having a problem. Being forced to keep your eyes on a screen for hours is not for me. After I got out of elementary school, my scores went down. I would rush because my eyes could not take it anymore. We are not given a paper test option, which I think is unreasonable. Everyone tests differently. I believe the MCAS should be optional, or mandatory for children that actually need to be tested for a decision of having them graduate. - Monaeya Andrade

I personally don't think that it was fair that we had to do the MCAS testing because, throughout the year, I feel I didn't learn as much as I would have in a regular class, in person. I have heard my teachers even say it. I haven't learned much this year, and I wish I learned more. Taking the test was nerve wracking, knowing that I had to take the MCAS and pass in order to graduate. The pandemic was a big mess, and that messed us all up. However, it's not fair that we teens have to stress and struggle to be successful in the future and find colleges. I think that they should at least lower the test scores to pass. - Jaidan

The MCAS came at a bad time. Many of the kids in my class and school were all saying we are not ready for this test. We felt as if we missed so much and fell behind on many fronts. Even our teachers were against it, but we were ignored. It was a pointless test in a miserable, stressful year.

I don't think it should be counted at all this year. It's not fair for us to take it when we never went to school (but the juniors aren't required to). A lot of people weren't prepared, and I don't think many people will have good scores. It would affect us badly, as it's a graduation requirement.

I think it shouldn't be a test to prove if a student should graduate. It causes a ton of stress (on top of the pandemic). Some students are visual learners, and some just got the hang of this online school.

The MCAS is boring because you need to look at a screen all day.

I think this MCAS 2021 should not be counted for graduation because we don't learn too much with remote learning. For some people, it was difficult to connect with the teachers and classmates, and we couldn’t have the same help like before the pandemic. - Maria

I feel like we shouldn't even have done the MCAS since we haven't had enough time to study or learn the things we are supposed to. However, some kids (the 11th graders) do not even have to do the test and pass it. This just shows that the school system is messed up and doesn't know how to keep a stable economy.

Although I have very strong opinions against MCAS, I do think that Worcester public schools should've kept the testing this year. But I think the purpose behind it shouldn't be what it is. For example, the reason I think that Worcester public schools should've used this test this year is to find out where students are at in the school system, especially since COVID-19 happened and caused students to miss out on school for over 18 months. But instead, they made it mandatory for high school students to have to pass in order to graduate.

I feel like they shouldn't have given us the MCAS because we didn't learn anything or get reminded of old work to help us. And I think it shouldn't be a requirement to pass high school.

Why do we take MCAS? It was hard for other people to learn this year. Also a lot of people had difficult times. For example, their wifi could've been bad. Also a lot of people didn't learn anything.

MCAS this year was kind of BS. There was stuff that we most likely didn't know, especially in the first math MCAS. It had stuff that we definitely should've had an idea of, but we didn't know because it was harder to be productive during the pandemic. I remember opening the test and being genuinely annoyed that I had to learn what I had to solve at the same time.

I think MCAS shouldn't have happened because people haven't learned much online vs. in person school. School is just not the same when you are learning online. For example, people can cheat and they won't learn much. Furthermore, most people are usually asleep during online school, which affects their education toward MCAS. One last detail is the fact that teachers can't tell if their students are confused, which makes it harder to teach or prepare their students.

I feel as if it shouldn't have happened because this year was very confusing and not everyone was prepared for it. It shouldn't be counted towards graduation. A lot of kids have put in a lot of effort and still struggled and that could mess them up for graduation. - Robert Cortorreal

MCAS should not continue this year because students have not been present for the entire year. Students have been stressed and overwhelmed with work and their own problems. MCAS would just add more stress. Also, some students don't have a quiet place at home so they can focus and give it their all. Some students might be able to go to school and take it; others can’t because they might still be afraid of COVID-19. That is why MCAS should not continue this year.

[caffeinatedcake]

Tips to Succeed as a Pre-Med

Hi Guys! I’m currently finishing up my final semester of pre-med classes and am getting ready to prepare for the MCAT. I learned so much through these past 2 years and thought it would be fun to compile a list of all the lessons, tips, and tricks that allowed me to maintain a high GPA (3.8)!!

Some background information about me:

Major: Psychology

Minor: Chemistry and Biology

Commitments:

Division III student-athlete: 20-30 hours a week

Executive board for my sorority: 5-10 hours a week

Cabinet position for Phi Delta Epsilon: 2-3 hours a week

Tips:

At the beginning of the semester look through every single class syllabus and note all the dates for exams, papers, projects, or assignments. I put all of these dates into my online calendar and made sure to have reminders for all of them. My semesters get extremely busy so keeping track of dates helped me stay on top of my work and manage my time in the best way possible.

Ask upperclassmen and other students for help, especially when it comes to scheduling classes or writing lab reports. The reason I’m able to take my MCAT early is because I spent a month asking various upperclassmen in different majors what their schedules were like, what professors were the best, which professors to avoid, and their study tips so I would not have to retake any classes. Along with this, upperclassmen tend to hold onto class materials from previous years (old exams, lab reports, syllabi, etc.). These resources could help you gain a better understanding of a specific professor’s exams, how to write a cohesive lab report, or better understand the structure of a class. 

Fight for EVERY POINT. I know this sounds annoying but in the end, you don’t want to miss a grade by 1 or 2 points that you could’ve gotten back. A lot of the classes I got As in were actually by the thinnest of margins and it was mainly because I was willing to fight for points I thought I deserved. It definitely makes you come off as that classic, annoying pre-med student but at the end of the day your grades are important to some degree.

Figure out a study strategy that works for you! Quality over quantity! You don’t want to be wasting hours studying inefficiently because classes get tougher and more time-consuming. Knowing your preferred study methods is super important because of how much time it will save you! I personally read the textbook, hand-write my notes, and use Quizlet RELIGIOUSLY! Some of my friends only need to attend a lecture and then do practice problems consistently. The faster you figure out how you like to study the more time it will save you in the long run!

Pick a major that you will genuinely enjoy. Pre-med core classes are difficult and can be taxing. It helps to take classes that you actually enjoy along with these classes, or pick a major that you know you will like because that will lessen the burden. I picked psychology because I loved the subject in high school and because the department was extremely friendly at the university I attend. Since I find my psychology classes extremely interesting, it makes studying for a bland class like Physics way easier because I know I have something fun to look forward to. 

Schedule time to do things other than just work. The biggest mistake I made freshman year was studying too much and focusing on activities that would boost my resume. My grades actually improved when I cut down on the studying and constant working and decided to schedule a weekly day off. During this day I would spend time with friends, catch up on sleep, or just vegetate. Maintaining your hobbies and passions is super important because then you will have other things to focus on and you won’t get burnt out!!

Remember that a bad grade doesn’t define you. This year was the year I failed my first exam and while it was tough to get over, I tried my best to use it as motivation to do better on the next exam. I try to think of every negative event in my life as a learning lesson and that exam taught me that I needed to change my studying habits for that specific class.

There are multiple paths to medicine. I think people put too much of an emphasis on the traditional route, where you graduate in 4 years and then go straight into medical school. Even though I’ll be taking my MCAT early, I’m also open to taking a gap year to work in research or scribe! I love the surge of youtube videos and stories made by people who have non-traditional paths because it shows you that hard work and perseverance will lead you in the right direction for you, whether that is medicine or not.

Please remember that these are the lessons I’ve learned through my experience at a competitive pre-med school and that all of these might not necessarily apply to everyone. If you guys have any more questions about pre-med don’t hesitate to reach out to me, I’d be more than happy to help!

[justaconfusednerd]

Lists are great. I feel like they are kind of the first step of organizing ones life and it feels amazing to be able to tick something off a to do list. So let’s do this list of things I want to change this year:

More social interaction/ getting myself out there: This is going to be really really hard for me, as I’m super shy and tend to get uncomfortable super fast in a group of people I’m not too close with. As meeting new people in real life is not exactly possible at the moment, I can at least hide myself from awkward interaction from person to person. But I totally plan on talking to strangers on discord or writing with new people, etc even if it seems insanely scary right now. My goal isn’t even necessarily to make friends, but to just get out of my comfort zone of texting/ talking with the same few people and basically not being able to talk to strangers at all.

Open communication: Something that I already improved a whole lot the last few years, but that still needs a lot of work nevertheless. I just think that especially talking openly about emotions is so so important and that a lot of problems could be solved by communicating instead of just guessing the other persons feelings. A few years ago, I really kept everything to myself as far as really not wanting to tell others anything about my life. But I learned that voicing your concerns, talking about things you like or overthink, can be really helpful for your mental health. So people: being able to talk about your emotions to others is something you can be proud of!

Digital detox: Kinda ironic how I want to spend less time online and simultaneously starting a tumblr? But I spend so much time on Instagram mostly that could be used so much better, not even starting on how toxic Instagram actually is. I’m bombarded by so much stuff that doesn’t interest me at all, I know that and I still find myself opening Instagram waaay to often just out of habit. Definitly something I want to stop!

Getting a decent sleeping schedule: My sleeping schedule is actually not too bad to begin with but I still want to get up earlier instead of staying in bed for at least half an hour after I woke up. I’m definitely not one of those people who can get up at 5am or whatever but just not staying in bed until 5 minutes before lectures would be nice.

Spending more time doing things I love but do way to rarely

Study more concentrated and with system: The digital semester is really hard for me and the amount of procrastination not even countable anymore. But as I really don’t want to fail my classes and have to retake the exams I really need to study with more of a plan and not just try to cram everything a week before each exam. With organic chemistry and the huge biology exam coming up, I know this is not going to work again.

More consistency in general: This especially refers to my wish of knowing Korean. I’ve basically wanted to learn Korean since 2016 but I was never consistent enough to get anywhere with it. So this time I’m hoping to keep staying motivated.

Practicing the guitar and bass more planned: I own my electric guitar for two and a half years already and I feel like if I continue practicing like I do now I will never get anywhere. I basically just try to learn songs I like by looking up tabs but I never practice any technique or any theory or anything that is useful for mastering more than just playing off tabs.

Trying to leave the house once a day: With online university, not being able to really do sports and winter combined I really leave the house mostly to do grocery shopping. But it’s actually important to be at least a bit active, to move once in a while and go for a walk. So I really want to try to go out for at least a short once a day to get a bit of fresh air and clean my head from too many worries.

I actually thought of one or two more things, but they feel to unimportant to actually write them down here. But I have them written down on my handwritten note so I hope I’m not going to forget about them instantly.

I already kinda look forward to looking back on this list from time to time to see what I already improved and what I have to work on more. To my future self: I hope you’re doing great and don’t worry too much if you didn’t achieve everything on here.

-Tue, January 12th

[prorevenge]

"I have an A-, so let me steal you art."

I had this friend clear back in junior high. Well, she was more of an acquaintance than a friend. We will call her Miss.

I met Miss in my 8th grade. She had moved to the area during summer. I'm the type of person who tries to include those who aren't being included anywhere else. And, due to the fact that she was a new student who didn't move in part way in the year, she was alone. (When new kids come part way, they are swarmed by students.) Miss and I had a few of the same interests. Anime, especially Naruto, we loved making music, and though she was a tad overweight, she loved to run (which I thought was awesome).

Anyways. Even though we had connected in some places, Miss always made me feel...uneasy. She had this tendency to jump headfirst into something. Sometimes, it equaled out into a grand talent, other times, she had a severe addiction to Sims. But, due to this motivation she wore, her math skills were above and beyond. Miss was a year younger than me and was already in my math class. I was, and still am, terrible at math. It doesn't click for me. It is normal for me to stay in the D range for my math, even after doing all the worksheets, studying many hours every night and taking every test. At least I tried.

Miss refused to tutor me at all. Which was fine. Her choice. I do not think she quite grasped how tough math was for me. There was one day she came in and said, "Aren't you excited to take calculus with me. We should be in it the same time in high school." I just laughed. (I never even made it to pre-cal.) There was a strange thing I noticed though. Miss was absent every single test. I thought it was something that should be addressed. But, I had watched her do assignments and they were a breeze for her. I wouldn't see a reason for her to cheat.

Toward the end of our first semester, Miss had noticed that I drew on a regular basis. I'm an artist. Far more so now than back then. I can't even look at my art from junior high without cringing. She asked for me to draw her something. I was delighted and said yes. Whipping her up something that was similar to other pieces I had done. It was on line paper and wasn't the best thing I had accomplished by that age.

As the semester was coming to a close, I realized the likelihood of me getting a D+ by the end was small. That meant I wouldn't be able to go on the school trip. Which, as you would imagine, devastated me. The last chance I had was an art project my math teacher would do every term. It still involved math, but a creative outlook on it. This one was based on a radius of a circle. So someone could draw a dog with a leash as the radius, and the grass may create a circle around the dog. As long as it had that idea, it counted. And, the art was judged, first and second places received extra credit. Basically, this was salvation for the super artsy students.

There hadn't ever been a term where I didn't get first place. I got first place the year prior as well. This was the only way I had passed. I attempted to think outside the box. (As the dog and leash was used regularly.) I ended up drawing an angel with broken wings, chained at her ankle with a sort of magic suppression circle beneath her.

After the drawings were judged, the teacher would go through all of them and show the class. The last two were shown as 2nd and 1st place. Some people had cute ideas and then he went to 2nd place. I saw my drawing. The one I had turned in. I got 2nd place. That never happened. And then, he lifted up 1st place. I also saw my drawing. Mine. The one I had drawn for Miss. The speed at which I twisted to turn my body toward her must have given her the hint that I wasn't happy. She later came up to me and said, "I'm sorry. I needed the extra credit, I'm at an A-."

I didn't say anything to her at the moment. I was fueled with anger and anything that would have come from my mouth likely would have been nonsense. But it bothered me that she wasn't willing to tutor me for ten minutes, and then proceeded to claim my art as her own while I failed.

I let it go for awhile. I still refused to speak to her, yet, my animosity only grew when I saw her absent for the final test, and, as I saw one of her friends she had made taking pictures of his test.

At the end of class and test taking, I walked up to the teacher with a giant binder of all of my art. I declared that she had stolen my art and displayed him my works in the binder. One of which was extremely similar to what I had drawn for her. My teacher said, "When I saw her piece, I even thought it was similar to your art." I then told the teacher that it seemed strange that Miss was absent every single test. The teacher knitted his brow and pulled out our attendance records and skimmed through it before saying, "AEON, thank you for bringing this to my attention. You may go."

For awhile, I didn't hear if anything had happened to Miss. Semester was about to come to a close, I still had a D- and winter break was on its way. But, one day, I come into class and sit down. Miss comes up behind me and sits in her own. I still hadn't exchanged words to her and then I hear:

"Miss, could you come here?" I glanced at the teacher and he gave me a smile that eased my entire being. Miss made her way to the teacher and I got to eat every bit of the conversation. "Miss, it has come to my attention that you do not deserve the extra credit of coming in first place. A friend of AEON's approached me and showed me proof that it was a gift she had given you. You are aware that even though art may be given as a gift, you can not and should not claim it as your own unless the artist agrees you may?" I heard subtle agreements from Miss. "Good," the teacher continued, "with your understanding of such, I'm sure you understand why I must give AEON not just the extra credit from earning 2nd place, but 1st place as well, giving her 70 points of extra credit." He seemed to say that especially loud. That amount would put me beyond a D+. I was thrilled.

It didn't stop though, the teacher kept going, but quieted his voice as more students filed in. "I have been going over your attendance. I found a glaring inconsistency in your absents. You have been gone every single test." I heard a rustle of papers. "As you can see, there isn't a single test you weren't absent for. Thus, you took them on a later date after school. I have spent the last couple weeks investigating this and have found that another student in this class had been taking pictures of the test and sending it to you. Are you willing to confirm this at this time? Or, would you like to wait until we have a meeting with your parents."

Silence.

Pure, revengeful silence. All those years practicing my art wasn't going to be abused. I figured that she must have known that I was the reason for such knowledge to pop up and I didn't care by this point. I didn't need to say a single thing to her.

Miss finally spoke. "I am good at math, AEON can confirm that." I had to stifle a laugh, because, I honestly could. I watched her math in front of me all the time.

"Meeting it is then. I would like you to know that we have records of the text messages between you and the person who sent the images. He will also be joining the meeting. Whether or not you are good at math won't change the situation. In the end, you may need to retake this course."

Miss gave a brief, "Okay," and sauntered to her desk.

I didn't get to know much after that. As much as I wanted to hear everything, the teacher still needed to uphold a safe environment. That being said, there are some cherries on this cake worth taking note when I saw her again in high school. While I knew we were about to be in the same school again, I had no plans on reaching out. She sought me out though and pulled me aside.

Miss went on to say that I destroyed a lot of her parents' faith in her as well as her teachers'. Her entire school life was dissected and studied. They found further errors where they had figured out where she had been cheating. Any respect teachers found in her had decayed. Her final year in junior high was a mass of redoing classes and taking online classes to catch up and be ready for high school. I had ruined a lot of her life. And then Miss said, "I'm happy you did it while I was in junior high before someone called me out in college. I don't think I would have stopped if I hadn't been taken down. Since then I've been actually trying. I've even lost weight!" (I'm not sure what the weight thing had to do with me ruining her reputation, but, that's what she said.)

I went on to tell her that that's great and I hoped she would continue to prosper in her education and body, but I did let her know that I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with her again. I mentioned that having someone steal my art after I gifted it to them quaked a lot of my trust and I haven't given anyone my artwork since. (I have now after five years being out of high school.) She understood and took it well.

I feel like this is pro-revenge in two ways. One, I gave her her comeuppance, I got my revenge. I received my extra credit plus some. I went on the school trip when she didn't. Everything fell exactly where I wanted it. But, two, I also helped her stop cheating her way through life, inevitably leading to a better future. Who knows, she may have fallen back in her ways, but at the time, everything worked out.

(source) story by (/u/AEONmeteorite)

[dauntlessengineer]

Hi! I know that you might not care but I just would like to share and apologize for all the unanswered asks. I took a break from social media, including social interactions, to clear my head. ‘Cause sometimes I need my alone time in order to recharge, but now it took me months to jump back into action. I only reblog stuff in here, scrolling through my dash sometimes calms my mind. So, yeah.

Okay, it’s been a year since I graduated uni and unfortunately, I didn’t pass my board exams last November. So I decided to take a break for my own sanity. It was really tough but I learned that everything happens for a reason. I rested my mind. I started writing again. Even though I took up an Engineering course, writing has always been my passion and it quickly became an escape away from my destructive tendencies. Now, my mind is finally clear and I was able to look pass my faults and set up a clear goal for my future.

I really didn’t plan on retaking the exam, that was supposed to be this month. But the May board exams is postponed due to the pandemic, so I don’t know what’s the deal on that.

Fortunately, because finally I’m on a clear head space, I decided to enroll for a review center again (different from the last one). And they’re going to start online review classes on June 1st which I’m really looking forward to. I am actually excited to study again, I think I might have to put on more work because my brain rested from Engineering for months.

I just really like to talk about this here because Studyblr community inspired me on a lot of things. We all have our own struggles and battles but I believe that we’re all going to overcome every single one of it. I hope everyone’s mental health is well taken care of especially during these trying times. I really wish for everyone to stay motivated, healthy and happy. We’re all going to get there! Just keep going.🍃

Sincerely,

Michy, The Dauntless Engineer 👷🏻‍♀️

[fiercelittlestudyblr]

I read of your break down. I had never heard from others that they couldn't read and I though I was the only one who has these attacks. When I'm too stressed and haven't relaxed for a long time I become too tired to read also elementary texts, to understand what I read, to think or talk, sometimes even to keep my eyes open and I need to sleep for days. On that days I'm extremely slow and everything is muffled and blurred around me. Do you also have such attacks? How do you cope with them?

Hi, just first off I’m really glad you might feel less alone in reading about what happened to me, but I need to preface my reply to you that this only happened to me in one extended period of the summer of 2018, and it isn’t a recurring thing for me. Also, that I can’t give you advice as I don’t know your specific situation and I’m not any more qualified in this than you are really. Unfortunately. 

Okay, with that out of the way I think it’s important I say the story.  It was following a long term of self motivated study as there were strikes on where my lecturers were giving us reading and assignments without teaching us the material. Throughout the year I had been going through a lot of blood tests (I’m needle-phobic) to track every one of the nutrients in my body because I was seeking help through the NHS for my eating disorder, which I also, at the same time, refused to accept I had. I wasn’t doing as much work as I should have during the term and realised very close to exams that I didn’t know most of the material, and was running out of time. The closer the exams got, the more i convinced myself that everyone was doing way better than me and I was going to fail. Then, when the exams got even closer, I realised I was completely right.

I was either sleeping, or crying. I wasn’t showering or eating, I lost weight quickly, and then gained weight quickly, I wore the same clothes on circulation over and over. I was worried and guilty I was holding my boyfriend back because he was having to look after me at the same time as doing his own exams. About two days before my first exam I went to the senior tutors office and i sat in front of him and tried to explain that I wasn’t functioning and really was breaking down. I remember the relief I felt when he said ‘I can see you’re not functioning. You look terrible. Do you want to do all the exams in August? Or shall we take it exam by exam? At the end of the day what we want is for you to graduate, your results, looking at you now, don’t matter. Keep checking in with me and don’t harm yourself.” So I crossed each bridge when I got to it, and in the end only took one of the exams, which I failed badly. They were really kind and pretended it hadn’t happened, so I wasn’t capped at a pass grade for a retake. 

But what happened while I was trying to revise for my second to last timetabled exam, is I had a real attack, I would sleep, cry, and then I tried to cram and I realised I had forgotten how to read. As in I actually didn’t understand even the word ‘the’. I was terrified, and worked up the courage to go back to the senior tutor then for the fourth time and said ‘I just can’t do it’. And he agreed. 

But he said to me that we had to have an agreement. I guess he figured out that part of me is very... noble? Always a Gryffindor. The agreement was that I would go to the counselling that I had been trying to set up and I would definitely be in a better place by August. Thank God I was, I spent the summer doing nothing but working on my self worth, defeating the anorexia voice in my head (a bit) and spending a lot of time self-caring and revising on my own at my house in Bristol. I ended up averaging a high 2:1 instead of.... failing. 

So thats the story. What really made the difference to me was seeking professional help, from both my senior tutor to almost, give me permission to get other help, and giving me a support system where I didn’t need to feel like a burden for unloading my breakdown. The counselling was transformative and I know I’m supposed to think it was all me, but I couldn’t have managed otherwise. I actually ended up with a diagnosis but it wasn’t related to the breakdown. What was related, was my self worth, and my coping skills. My way of coping is shutting down, and refusing to eat. 

You need to find out what your coping skills are and why they’re not working for you, or to find that point of stress and learn either to manage it, or drop it altogether, focus on yourself, and pick it back up in the future. Because if this is happening to you a lot, I really worry for you. It’s so mentally damaging and scary, and you need to make sure that you can look after yourself. Please try to find someone irl you can reach out to to offload and seek real time advice from. I would also recommend seeking medical advice, they might prescribe you antidepressants (they did try to for me, but my dad responded badly to them, and I knew it wasn’t depression) and they might be right for you, but I would recommend you try to dig deeper, see a therapist or psychiatrist, who will be able to much better analyse what might be causing you to go through bouts of this and help you work through it. Please stay in touch. I thought I was the only one too...