#and i have in the past year-and-a-bit come to terms with the fact that Proper Loki is not an alligator in ANY of the movies :(

[nostalgia-tblr]

one problem with getting into Fiction Franchises like, oh let's say the MCU, long after they started is that 1) there are things that refer back to things I don't know about and 2) i don't know what i don't know about, and in a way that latter is more of a problem at least for me.

i managed an episode of wandavision and was left thinking "this seems like it's good, but i have no clue what's going on here so it's not going to work for me is it?" and i am reliably told it's supposed to be Mysterious Mindfuckery but i, a noob, was unable to work out without external clarification what i wasn't supposed to know. if you see what i mean.

i notice the mcu movies (at least as it progresses?) don't have numbers on them, and we know when they're direct sequels because there's a subtitle. and if you come at these later you need to get a chart to work out whether you should watch thor: ragnarok before or after thor: the dark world. which is easily done if i am determined to get things in the right order, but any effort is too much for someone.

so while i am willing to consider the idea that the later mcu films/shows are just Less Good than the early ones (personally Doubt so far but I'm not opposed to the idea) it's very easy inside a fandom to lose sight of what your thing looks like to the casuals who make up most of an audience, and frankly the mcu is currently Very Large and confusing.

who are all these Mrs/Captain/Miss/etc Marvel ladies and which of them have already been in films I might or might not have seen? how many ant men are there prior to this one? am i supposed to know who the baddy in this or that film is? which of these side-characters are from something else?

doesn't-seem-related-but-it-is: i was surprised to discover that the general mcu fandom view of the loki series was not that it was some sort of AU situation that could be thought of an entirely separate from the main series of films. because that was pretty much why it was the one to hook me, i think - it explained the relevant backstory with clips and yet also this is a different loki so if i don't want to go and watch however many films he was in i don't have to. i would expect him to be to some extent "out of character" because it carefully explained to me that this is not really the same character as that identical guy with the same name who was in some number of films. there's a woman one and an alligator one but don't worry they're all from AUs anyway.

[shantechni]

I think an awful lot about Splinter believing in the start of the series that he'd lost his humanity.

For the sake of someone named Pete, I will go through the events in chronological order for once-

In Lone Rat and Cubs, Splinter tells the turtles about their time spent running from the Kraang before they found their forever home, and we learn that Splinter didn't easily slip into his new role. Sure, he cared for the turtles, kept them fed and sheltered them from the elements, but he still called them "creatures" and "turtles" before naming them. He didn't see this as an opportunistic situation where he miraculously became a father to a second batch of kids, but rather that he'd fallen into a pool of misfortune and would need to live with this new form while protecting himself and the turtles.

"What terrible deed did I do in a past life that such a curse has befallen me?"

As he considers the turtles' growth and the possibility of a future with them, he then begins to view himself as a potential father. He explains that he wondered if he had the discipline to be a proper father, especially after the loss of his first family, and he realizes it was something he wanted to be regardless of discipline or odd circumstances.

And so, he claims the turtles as his own, and accepts his role as their father.

Though he'd grown accustomed to being a mutant rat over the years, he still draws a line between "Hamato Yoshi" and "Splinter" without knowing it, albeit a blurry and ephemeral one drawn in ever changing sand.

We hear Splinter in the second episode of the series talking about the loss of his family, his home, and his own name. He more or less tells Leo that being mutated erased whatever connection he formally had to the name "Hamato," and the idea is further supported by a similar and more somber scene in I, Monster. Splinter fights off the Rat King's control as he again laments that his entire clan and family, even his humanity, is gone, and he has nothing but the turtles left for him in this new life. Fortunately, he retains his sense of self post mutation, and he's presented from the beginning of the series as one who's in control of himself, both to his sons and friends of theirs, as well as any enemy that comes their way.

However, that presentation of control gives us a bit of a look into his psyche and allows us to consider the idea of him still struggling to come to terms with not being human anymore.

With the introduction of the Rat King, he's taunted by a potential loss of that control for the first time and it shakes him to his core. It makes sense for him to be shaken up since all that'd be left without him is a mindless, humanoid rat who'd lost touch with the human it used to be. Which is why it's so compelling that his sons, particularly Leo, are so adamant about reinforcing the fact that his mutation doesn't erase who he is. It's incredibly noteworthy what Leo says to him when trying to break the Rat King's control over him, "Remember who you are!"

Not who he once was, or the human he used to be, but who he is.

They never viewed Splinter as a separate being from Hamato Yoshi.

The boys aren't strangers to Splinter's old life before them, and they're very much aware of everything he'd lost; the guy talks about certain things frequently enough for them to know his tragedies and recite them without skipping a letter. It's his recollections of the tribulations he suffered through that helped them understand that his life with them is undeniably disconnected from his life with Tang Shen, but not unrelated.

He's still Hamato Yoshi, and his place will always be with his family.

Having been defeated by Splinter, the Rat King runs to find another way of tormenting him, and his perfect target is fear.

Though we got a brief look into this during their first encounter with Falco's twisted appearance, it's not until Of Rats and Men that we get further insight into another layer of Splinter's concern with his rat half: the repercussions that could result from the loss of control.

Throughout all of his years of raising his sons, not once did he ever treat them with the intention to frighten them and make them wary of his every move. The Rat King can easily use that fear to his advantage and weaken Splinter's mental stability enough to figure out how to make mutants similar to him. And he truly makes use of that fear by turning Splinter into his personal puppet.

There's still a considerable amount of concern on the turtles' end that pierces through that fear though. After Splinter teleports across the room to distance himself, Leo looked ready to leap to his side, and the others, despite being threatened literal seconds earlier, remain where they are and are equally concerned.

Eventually, the Rat King strikes again and everyone begins to piece together what's going on when Splinter loses it. Mikey is absolutely terrified and staggered by what happened, and Raph and Donnie tread with caution while Leo and April are the first ones to approach Splinter.

The TV gives them extra confirmation that Falco is back, and to everyone's surprise, Splinter refuses to help them fight Falco, even when Casey is dragged down a manhole by one of the mutated rats in their first attempt to clear the streets. It's not an easy choice for Splinter to make because we see how guilty he feels for his refusal, but the gang doesn't fault him for refusing either. No matter how much they want for Splinter to join them, he's right to worry about what the Rat King, now stronger than before, could force him to do.

April speaks for everyone though when she tells him they all believe in him. They make it known that they aren't afraid of what may happen, and they especially aren't afraid of him.

Unsurprisingly, Splinter changes his mind at the last minute, and, with the help of a recently mutated cat, he chases Falco down to deal with him once and for all. Protecting his family takes priority over his doubts, and by the end of the episode, he overcomes his fear of the Rat King controlling him.

He has his humanity, and that's what makes him different from the rat Falco constantly made him out to be.

And for the first time in the series, in The Lonely Mutation of Baxter Stockman, he says out loud that he has his humanity and is thankful he's fortunate enough to still have it when others lose it post mutation.

I previously went a bit more in depth about it in this post but the boys have witnessed Splinter grappling with being a rat, particularly with the Rat King's meddling, and Donnie sincerely believed giving him retromutagen would be something he'd want. This was clearly an idea that's been weighing on Donnie's mind for a while considering that he seemingly kept quiet about his plan until he completed the retromutagen, and he's the most upset when he has to use the remaining dosage for Kirby.

But Splinter tells him and the other turtles he's content as he is and wouldn't do anything to change himself this far in. And the boys all seem content with his answer.

With the invasion of the Kraang and his defeat at the hands of the Shredder, Splinter again comes face to face with his mutated genes, and there's no Rat King stringing him along this time. He'd been swallowed by delirium with the lack of familial support to pull him out of it, and he became spiritually disconnected from his body as a result. The gang is initially caught off guard by Splinter's state, but they quickly get over it and work to subdue him.

While the boys are pulled away into battle, April uses her powers to sift through Splinter's memories and, after showing him the time he asked her to train with him, we see a memory with the turtles, Karai, and his only family portrait from before his mutation:

Seeing his family is what manages to bring him back to his senses.

We the audience, as well as Splinter, figured that was the end of his troubles with being a mutant rat, but Shredder decided to bathe in some super juice and sent Splinter careening a thousand feet into a dark cavern, the same one Splinter sent Falco down two seasons ago. Being thrown into near total darkness with a fairly debilitating injury and fever was the perfect recipe for him to begin hallucinating, and he believes the Rat King is attacking him when he's most vulnerable. But just when he feels himself slipping further away, his mind goes straight to the day his sons celebrated their 15th mutation day, and just beyond them is Tang Shen.

He regains his clarity, grasps that Falco's been dead the whole time, and is immensely relieved to see Donnie and Mikey after what he'd been through.

"Perhaps a teacher, but never my master."

Falco inadvertently taught Splinter that he's always had his humanity, and his family serves as a reminder of that fact by remaining a constant and significant pillar for him.

His family is his humanity.

[pixiecactus]

so in that fandom confessions post, of how people that like sansa and elia tend to depict lyanna and arya as wild and ugly when it's a canon fact that both of them were considered pretty.

there's a stansa claiming that they have never seen any elia or sansa stan do this. and i remember that old saying that goes "no hay peor ciego que el que no quiere ver" (sorry for not putting a translation, but i think that i'm pretty done with posting altogether, and i really hate this time of the year, so i couldn't care less right now)

so i went through their blog to see what content they reblog, and i find it so interesting how this is one of the tags they wrote.

i can only talk for myself, as someone who doesn't like sansa that much (i really appreciate that later on in the books we don't see her judging other girls or women for being sexually active; look at her go! she's growing and learning to be more accepting; i'm a little bit impressed)... actually i think it has come a time in my life where i really pity the girl for the fandom that she has; they don't like her canon personality, and they only use her as a vessel to project themselves into a "pretty, young, and naive maid" archetype in a fantasy setting.

but i want arya and sansa to reunite; actually, i even see them sharing a desperate hug because they need to confirm that the other one is real by touching them.

where the problem lies for me is people trying to erase the fact that arya and sansa don't have a good relationship. and meanwhile, i agree that arya loves her sister, because (i can't stress enough this next part) family is one of the most important things for arya. i can't say the same thing about sansa, for this girl, the most important thing is herself, and she doesn't like arya, simply as that, because her little sister dares to rebel and not conform to what is expected of her because she was born a girl. 

sansa can't connect to arya at all because she doesn't understand her; and instead of coming to terms with this fact, sansa wishes that arya was different and then later on when sansa thinks that arya is already dead, she thinks that

"arya had been entirely unsatisfactory as sisters went" (copy it up and google it, if you don't believe me, this is actually a book quote coming from sansa's pov)

let's add to the fact that sansa is one of the stark's golden children. sansa is praised all the time around by pretty much everyone. don't you think that sansa seeing this and seeing arya be reprimanded at the same time couldn't translate into sansa being entitled and holding the belief that she's always in the right and arya is a disgrace to all of her family?

they can bring that part, in which sansa prays for all of her family (arya included) all they want, but as someone who grew up catholic, when i was a little girl, i used to pray for people who i almost never interacted with, like my neighbors, and even the ones that i didn't like, because i was taught that was the way to be "a proper little girl under the eyes of god", so as a person with that past experience behind me, i'm simply not convinced of this act being significant enough.

i have major problems with sansa dreaming about having a daughter that looks just like arya too, because i can't get out of my head the thought of if this were to actually happen and sansa has a girl that looks like the girl's aunt, every time that child misbehaves or fails any of her duties... i can see sansa resenting arya even more, because sansa would blame arya for her daughter being this way.

i do really want them to reunite (hopefully this reunion is one of the last ones to happen because i want arya to be around people that had always loved her, you know, like jon and bran and even rickon) but sansa has not matured enough to be able to recognize that she hurt her little sister badly, and i'm pretty sure she could (and would) hurt her again easily, because she had so little growth as a person. so what it comes down to is that i don't trust sansa to be around arya.

and i'm so scared of the possibility of arya forgiving her sister way too easily because sansa hasn't shown almost any remorse for the things she said to arya. and let me be clear: in any way, shape, or form, arya never did anything to deserve to be treated this way. arya always deserved better from her older sister. and arya doesn't owe sansa any kind of forgiveness just because "they're the sun and the moon."

with that particular rant from me over and done. i saw this reblogged in their blog as speculation for arya in the future.

and this next type of posts are the things they reblog for arya.

and i'm going to let those posts and tags speak for themselves.

like this person is a stansa, a jonsa, a "stark sisters" stan, a dany anti and a green stan... like "girl (gender neutral), pick a struggle for real"

[luckyshouse]

I agree with you. I have a hard time with understanding “the point.” I’m sorry.

its ok my bad, i didn't mean to come off rude. my tone in generals a bit off the past few days bc ive been having a really bad pain flair up. my point is that autistic people experience trauma at higher rates than non autistic people due to how severely ableist society is as a whole, and DID itself is a demonized disorder that is literally caused by trauma and is demonized for the way it breaks social rules. People don't like DID because DID is connected to concepts like gender identity divergence, dehumanization (ie:furries, kinning, shifting, physically dressing weird), self identification, and weird behaviors. most people with DID are traumatized so young that they don't get the proper socialization or learn social skills which mimicks autistic people not understanding social cues or rules. people with autism are more likely to develop things like maladaptive daydreaming or escape into their mind to cope with the outside world, int he same way DID systems do. my point is that i think psychiatry and psychology has set up all these bars between "normal" and "not" when in reality nothing and no one is normal and everyone has some kind of disorder, and i think we need to explore autism being genuinely a neurotype and DID being a type of PTSD that is formed in that neurotype. but i'm also a 23 year old on the internet whos coming with "research" thats mostly been accumulated through personal experience being in the psychiatric system my entire life, so its not like i can say this is true or that the models we have right now are false. but the thing is when i talk to people who have autism and not DID, they tend to strongly relate to my DID traeits especially when it comes to the multiple-selves part, and when i talk to people who have DID but not autism, they relate to almost every aspect of my autism except for the fact that its a neurotype and not trauma caused. i think we're going to see a lot of changes to the way psychiatry is handled in the next few generations or so because of this, because the more i learn about autism it becomes clear that autism itself is a neurotype that comes with multiple physical differences than allistic people that cause them to be disabled, and then i think we're going to be exploring that disability aspect of autism a LOT more in the coming years.

basically the point is, i know that psychiatry is telling us that autism and DID are separate disorders, but psychiatry is also pushing people to avoid getting diagnosed with autism, pushing people to learn to mask, pushing people on antipsychotics and heavy medications to help a disorder that genuinely does not NEED all of that an in reality needs a society that is willing to help them through their expected milestones. and that if you ignore the needs of people, that leads them to get traumatized, and that if you have untreated long term trauma as a child you often end up developing DID. i believe you that allistic systems exist, i really do, ive met them. but every allistic system ive met is either so autistic presenting it wouldn't matter to define the two, or is such a nervous bundle of highwire nerves that i wonder if theyre SO fucked up because they havent learned its safe to unmask yet so people assume theyre allistic.

there is higher rates of both autism and DID than anyones ever expected, and i think if out of like seven years they couldn't figure out or come to a decision on whether i was autistic or just traumatized over multiple different psyches and therapists, i think they need to figure this shit out. if so many disorders are caused by trauma and specifically intertwined with autism and theyre still denying autism is a common thing but over diagnosing things like OCD and BPD and bipolar disorder which all ALSO have connections and overlaps with autism i think theres soemthing there that needs to be figured out. same thing with the physical disorders that are linked to autism. everyone has POTS and binocular vision dysfunction and GERD and EDS and we all KNOW theres an overlap with autism but for some reason its just like "yeah well many people who have it dont have autism. they just ACT like they have autism because of their disorders" in most peoples eyes. which i just dont think is acceptable and is holding people abck from researching this shit

[pynkhues]

hey i wanted to ask, do you have opinions or hcs on how knowledgeable is louis aabout BDSM? Do you think he read on subject or he just goes with a heart? How proper do you think his BDSM dynamic would potentially be? I mean, would it involve discussions, safe words, aftercare etc. Or would it be more on the spur of the moment?

It's just my brain was plagued by thoughts what would louis do if lestat accidentally sub dropped during scene. NGL I can't imagine louis handling it very gracefully (sorry, louis)

Also, ideas of louis experiencing domdrop are very delicious too. I doubt he actually feels guilt or shame for being dom, but domdrop would make him irrational. And lestat would be very alarmed and confused what's happening with louis.

Sorry for long ask😶 love your work!

Don't apologise, anon! It's actually been something I've been thinking about too, both as I've been writing this fic, but also just in general because I'm kind of fascinated about how the eras / times they live through both interact with and inform these parts of the their characters.

Because here's the thing: BDSM wasn't actually a term in the 1940s when Louis and Armand decided to explore it. That's not to say that people didn't engage in BDSM (there are plenty of examples of fetish artwork dating back thousands of years, and as I mentioned in this post, Marquis de Sade was writing in the 1700s prettty obscene and deplorable sado-masochistic work), but there really wasn't a shared language then in the way that we have now.

In fact, Louis and Armand entering that relationship in the 1940s in the aftermath of WWII almost feels pretty specific, given it was that post-WWII era that gave birth to the leather movement which in turn provided the soil for BDSM to grow into what we know it as today. The result is that that specific time period marked the shift of BDSM from a counterculture to a part of culture; however, it took a little longer to come back to Paris, which had a booming fetish industry in the pre-war period, but was traumatised from Nazi occupation and as a result wouldn't bounce back really until the sexual revolution in the 1960s.

Louis' hardly sexually naive given his past career as a pimp, but I do think it's worth noting that he became a Dom in a period where there wasn't the same degree of understanding there is now about the psychology of it all, nor a universal sense of what might be 'best practice', and he did it with someone he felt both a disconnect to and a resentment of (which 2.05 makes very clear), which - - y'know! Isn't the healthiest way to engage in that sort of dynamic at the best of times.

But in answering your questions more specifically - - do I think he read up on the topic? Yeah, a bit, but I think it'd be more likely he read older texts that probably....wouldn't be giving a healthy perspective on it by modern standards. Given his reading list in New Orleans featured books like Origin of the Species, Marriage in a Free Society and Madame Bovary - all books published in the 1800s despite it being between 1910 and 1940 - I do think he tends to lean towards older books that form part of cultural canons (it's the snob in him, haha). In which case I think he probably would've read some of Marquis de Sade's work (which, yikes) and probably Venus in Furs and The Romance of Lust.

Given most of the more classic modern BDSM books by today's standards were published really in the 60s and 70s, I kinda feel like Louis and Armand were probably too embedded into their dynamic to change it or be overly interested in reading about it? Which is all a round about way of saying that I don't think Louis would have great etiquette as a dom at all, no, haha, and I think he'd probably more just be getting a read of the situation and following his own instincts and perhaps Armand's too. I can see them buying things - the whips, floggers and cast iron dog bowl (the latter of which always gives me pause!) we can see in their bedroom, for instance - and leaving them out for each other to see as a means of discussion over, y'know, actual discussion.

I do wonder too in terms of the role Louis and Armand being able to read each other's minds plays too. If they can get a sense of what might get the other off that way which feels like its own type of discussion or consent (even if its not actually an articulated discussion or consent). It's interesting to contemplate what that might mean in terms of dom or sub drops like you said, and especially as a comparison point to it happening with Lestat and Louis who don't have the same capacity to know what's going on in the other's head.

I do think if Lestat and Louis were to explore that together, it would be in scenes as opposed to a lifestyle like it was with Armand and Louis though, which is a different dynamic in and of itself, and yes! Okay, your ask was long, but my reply has been way longer, haha, so I'll leave it there for now. It's a really interesting space to think about though.

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 9/2

What am I feeling today?

I’m feeling overwhelmed and troubled but I know I can continue asking God for His wisdom and strength to be with me through this time especially in terms of doing His will for my life. Also, I had gone on a date a couple days ago and I found myself to really like him. I have a history of letting my emotions lead me and cloud my judgement and I don’t want a repeat of last year. I thought I had learned my lesson and want to operate in these feelings in a wise manner and will soon seek advice to make sure I’m grounded in the truth and not operating under delusion.

Bible Plan: Rethinking Love And Romance

What comes to mind when you think about romantic love? A bouquet of red roses? Physical attraction? Dancing in the moonlight or sharing a candlelit dinner?

Maybe romantic love means being so strongly drawn to another person that you cannot imagine a life without them. Or maybe romantic love is about finding your soulmate or “the one”—the person who “completes you,” as Jerry Maguire put it. But is that the essence of real love or just part of it?

Does truly loving another person mean we will experience a sense of excitement similar to discovering a treasure, a sense that I've found something deeply valuable for me? Or is real love about something different, something more?

The concept of romantic love as we understand it today isn’t directly addressed in the Bible, partly because the authors wrote and compiled it long before the Romantic era. We do have some racy love poetry in Song of Songs, and we have stories about loving relationships and marriages between people. But we don’t see relationships that look like modern dating—no boyfriends and girlfriends, no partners (in the way we think of romantic partners today), and no diamond rings and elaborate marriage proposals.

So what can we learn about romantic love from the Bible?

Let’s consider three stories of loving relationships in the Bible that will help us get to the heart of romantic love—not the popular expectations surrounding modern romance, but the essence of true love.

But before we do, let’s first explore the ways the biblical authors use the word “love” (ahavah), and how they depict God as the ultimate source and goal of all human love.

Jeremiah 31:3 NIV

“The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”

The greatest command that Jesus stated in the Bible is for us to love God with all our heart, mind, and soul. How can we begin to love Him in that way without first realizing how He loves us? Take this scripture: everlasting love, unfailing kindness. Let those words soak in - He will never fail us, He will love us forever. This is powerful! And it’s important to keep in mind as we love Him.

Leviticus 19:18 NIV

““ ‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.”

Oh this is so timely! There’s a brother in the church I’ve been having issues with and I had to work through forgiving him and trying to treat him with love as I would anyone else in the kingdom. It’s been proving a bit difficult for me but I do want us to reconcile. I need to keep these words on my heart: don’t bear a grudge - LOVE just as the Lord commands. I will aim to have a conversation with him this Wednesday and Lord willing I will have the confidence and proper words to discuss with him and put aside our past issues.🙏🏼

Deuteronomy 10:12-13 NIV

“And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord’s commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?”

This is really all we’re called to do. It’s quite simple (although, incredibly difficult). Satan does not want it to be easy for us to obey, love, and serve. In fact, he is truly working against us because he holds absolutely no love for us. In comparison to our Father, He loves us so dearly and wants what’s best for us which is why we have these commands in the first place♥️

1 John 4:18-21 NIV

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.”

TIMELY AND POWERFUL! I love 1 John 4 so much and it’s a powerful reminder of God’s love for us and how we are able to love because He loved us first. However, as mentioned before, there’s a issue I have with a brother and neither of us are showing love to each other in the way we should. Additionally, he makes me fearful, I avoid him due to past hurt and held bitterness in my heart towards him and I don’t want that. I want us to be resolved but I can only do so much as relationships are a two way street. I pray that we are able to talk and get past all of this so that we can further be secure in God’s love and express it to everyone we encounter!🙏🏼♥️

[thetarttfuldickhead]

As big an OT3 shipper as I am, I have to admit that both Roy and especially Keeley both would have a bit of a way to go based on how they end the series in order to be fully happy in the OT3. Jamie on the other hand I'm fairly sure has been up for it since s1 ep 1, and up for it without thinking it would be mostly hate sex from Roy since about S2 ep 6.

Hiya, nonny!

Keeley, I think, absolutely need some time alone. Some time voluntarily alone, I should say,

because she was single there for a bit in season 3, but she sure as hell wasn’t happy about it. While there are issues she need to adress in order to function well long-term in a relationship  (I am still rather upset that Roy is the one to apologise in 2x07, for instance), I also believe she just needs to be on her own for a bit; focus on herself, find out who she is outside of her romantic and/or sexual relationships, decide what she wants the balance between her career and her love life to look like… all that. Interestingly, and for all that she’s emotionally competent, I think that Keeley’s the one of them furthest from actually facing her issues face on. She needs to sit with herself for a bit, come to terms with the fact that there’s things she need to work on, and things she need to figure out… (Also, for her own sake, she needs to give Jamie and Roy time to figure out how the two of them can resolve their conflicts without turning her into a mediator; but the risk of that was arguably bigger earlier on.)

Roy now… Once he understands and accepts wanting to be in a relationship with Jamie, I think he would be very happy to be in the OT3 – but that’s when it gets dicey, isn’t it; when he starts to think he’s too happy? Because then he starts to question whether it can last, whether he deserves it, whether his partners will put up with him, and why should they, when he’s suck a fucking useless twat whom they’d be much better off without? Our Roy boy certainly has some way to go yet – but he’s brave and stubborn and has already taken the first step into Dr. Sharon’s office, so I’m confident he’ll get there. (There might be some macho jealousy bullshit for him and Jamie to sort out, too… and they might get so caught up in that they initially completely miss the fact that Keeley gets jealous, too, and feels left out sometimes, just because Jamie and Roy’s thing have grown so intense over the past year when Keeley was busy with other stuff. Then there’s the whole coach/player deal which I think Jamie is very happy to disregard and Roy… might not be so much, especially not when he’s new to the manager gig. And as much as Jamie might get off on Roy being rough with him, and as much as he understands Roy in general, I think Jamie needs Roy to be a bit more expressive with his affection down the road, or Jamie will start to feel insecure and… Well. Jamie doesn’t deal well with feeling insecure.)

And as for Jamie, I agree that Jamie would have been down for a threesome right from the get-go, but I think it’s fair to say that he would not, at that time, have been able to handle a proper triad relationship. The sex? Absolutely. The rest of it… Eh. Our darling prick had a lot of growing up to do, and while you certainly can do the growing while in a relationship, I think that as hot as the hate sex would have been (to Jamie and to me!), it would have been too volatile to last -- even given the fact that Jamie would probably soften a bit with Roy when given the attention (and reluctant admiration) he wants, which would in turn have Roy soften on Jamie a bit. (That said, I adore fic that explore them getting together early, when things are still very tense between Roy and Jamie, because them trying to navigate that is just messy and delightful.)

But Jamie’s spent the last year and a half reflecting and working on his issues, and he’s also been single for that whole time (as far as we know). He is, I should argue, very ready for a relationship; but he’s not gasping for one, desperate to be with someone just to not be alone. That’s a very good place to start from, so yeah, I certainly agree that out of the three Jamie is the one best emotionally equipped for the OT3 to commence at the end of S3. Which isn’t to say that Jamie doesn’t still have issues and work to do. Roy may have been first to escalate the argument in 3x12, but Jamie went right there with him, and Jamie also has shown a tendency to overcorrect when trying to adjust his behaviour, which may well cause some hiccups down the road. Additionally, while Jamie is often very open and forthright and expressive, he also has a habit of lying when he’d rather not delve into his real feelings or reasoning. That’s going to take some dealing with.

All in all, it’s likely to be a bumpier ride than we sometimes allow for – but to me that’s a feature, and not a bug! I like my ships messy – and at the end of the day, Ted Lasso was never about achieving perfection, but about trying, and trying again. And because – I think – of how much these characters love each other and how well they complement each other, they will keep on trying, stubbornly climbing back to their feet each time they fall down, doing better for themselves and for each other, offering support and encouragment and forgiveness – again and again, as they keep moving toward better; together, and so much happier for it.

[ri47]

[Q1-2024] A RI47 Heavy Industries Not-Quite Quarterly Report: The Power of Paranoid Thinking

So let's do a quick summary to avoid scaring anyone: Ri47's fine, Rin's (hello!) health isn't really any worse than it usually is, no major projects have been cancelled besides a standalone short story, we have a new mascot, and we're staring down the barrel of several simultaneous releases. 2024, god willing, if all goes to plan, is set to be a busy year... but a normal year.

That's it! You can scurry along now if that covered most of what you were curious about. It's rambles past here.

I promised I'd put something together like this, and since I've set aside the time today, when better to make some announcements and clarify some things going on under the bonnet. It's nothing especially massive, but radio silence felt less ideal as an indicator of the fact I'm hard at work

Without further ado, let's get into the thick of it

A New Face

You might have caught that there's a new face around here. The girl in the black hat is named Łucja (/ˈwu.t͡sja/) and she'll be taking over as the actual mascot for Ri47 Heavy Industries going forward!

There were a lot of motivations around making Łucja, but it can mostly be boiled down to wanting a design to represent the creative side of Ri47 which also doesn't appear as a character in any of the works proper. As much as Pagan is a dear character to me, she's just not an excellent mascot (or author mouthpiece, given that she's an awful person lmao)

She's entirely monochrome, she's got a distinct funny hat, and her outfit is partially stolen from a band I enjoy. Perfect.

Additionally, Łucja is entirely incapable of death, although it still doesn't feel great. It's probably best not to bother her with that sort of thing.

What's up with VesalBlood?

The next chapter of ALTERNE: Diesem Fernen Traum is nearing its release (about 80% done), so if you've been following that series, I hope that's welcome news!

VesalBlood's releases slowed down a bit in the final months of 2023 and the early months of 2024. I wish I could say it was because I was working on something more impressive, but the actual reason is that money is money and I needed to work on projects which produced that sort of thing

There is no actual hiatus on VesalBlood besides my usual glacial pace, but I'd be lying if I said that my work hasn't been eating into my ability to write at the pace I'd like. It's neither here nor there, but it simply is

In a perfect world, I'd probably devote all my time to finishing one long-term project at a time, but that's just not a viable way to be a working artist of my type under any economic system at the moment. The Kishar System setting survived the latter years of my schooling, so rest assured it's not going anywhere unless I go somewhere as well

There may be a few surprising announcements relating to VesalBlood coming at some point in the next few months, but there also might not. To keep a little transparency here, it largely depends on whether I get some calls back

What's up with Armored Blade Jetkaiser?

Armored Blade Jetkaiser continues apace, albeit I've had to delay it a bit as well, due to some surprise complications necessitating the reworking of some key aspects of the combat system

I'm still weighing whether I want to release the first pre-release editions without the dogfighting ruleset to get it out the door faster, but it feels like that'd be a bit of a betrayal. Maybe I'll put it up to a poll soon? Who knows.

At any rate, Armored Blade Jetkaiser is Armored Blade Jetkaiser, and that means it's a solo project that I'm working on in my second layer of free time (what I do after I do the things I do in my free time) so it was always bound to be a little extra slow

What's up with OMEN/CONSTANCE?

OMEN/CONSTANCE is coming. No delays are expected, because I didn't actually set a release date. At any rate, it's coming about as fast as expected!

It should be entering the final stage of work soon, since we're only a song or two short of release. Look forward to it! There might be a few surprises on this one

RI47? In My Project?

While I'm not at liberty to discuss the specifics of it quite yet, I'm going to be featuring on a few projects! Watch out! Or don't! I'll be here, regardless. I'll make a point of saying more once I can.

As it stands, the projects are game-related, and I don't have to actually make the games for once

Lovely! Lovely!!

Wrapping Up?

Mostly! Before I forget, I'll probably throw Chivalry Without Honour on Bandcamp as a single at some point in the next few days. If you enjoy that track, you can pick it up, probably!

Also, I've finally worked out the ideal portion of salt to cut the burnt taste from my instant coffee! I won't write it down here, because discovering that is an important (and personal!) milestone in every frugal caffeine addict's life, kinda like learning which brand of inexpensive vodka won't make you sick.

You've really gotta learn it for yourself! But it's worth it!

See you soon!

[junowritings]

Im not as familiar with Fallout New Vegas, but your courier oc looks so cool! Id love to see you talk about them if youd like :DD 🍒

Anon literally your ask sent me on the deep end of doodles and ideas sdfghj forgive the little ramble that I'm about to go on

Bentley's an oc I keep coming back to every couple of months bc A) I love the game so much and B) I love my lil courier who's just jinglin janglin their way through the Mojave with their lil robo buddies ED-E and Rex.

In terms of a backstory Bentley's past prior to the run in with Benny is spotty at best - the Doc did a great job patching their skull back together but there's a lot of patches in their memory. They're not too fussed by that for the most part (can't miss what you don't remember right?) but it does become a more prominent issue for them later down the line both in the main game and in terms of the DLC.

They do remember most things though! Mostly surrounding their work and the skills at their disposal - they've been a jack of all trades taking up any kind of job that'll let them travel and explore what's left of the world. Bentley had actually been at the courier gig for a good couple years! Not to mention they've picked up a fair bit of useful info in their travels - people sure love to talk loosely around people they never think they'll see again after all.

Bentley's a bit too laise faire for their own good - they'll shrug off grudges and downplay situations when they really shouldn't so long as they come out of the situation in one piece. Probably the only one out of all my couriers who wouldn't actively throttle Benny immediately on sight if only because they're too invested in the why of the whole picture rather than their own mortality.

Fun fact in their initial design they actually had a pet radroach called Spit! But I suck at drawing animals so I hardly draw em lmao. Maybe someday who knows.

Literally got this and got so excited I had to doodle proper looks for each of the DLCs - they've got a bunch more outfits than this but their coat is too much of a look for them to be caught dead without.

I actually have a couple couriers! One for each of the endings - Bentley's the one that I play the most often but I have fun doodling the others from time to time!

Thank you so much for the ask I had way too much fun rambling and I'm honestly super stoked that you think that they look cool!!! Hope you don't mind if I call you Cherry anon - I hope you have a wonderful day hun! :D

[scover-va]

Oh yeah since ive realized i cant do one big masterpost abt my security breach rewrite like i wanted due to image limit stuff (i did all the art on my phone and trying to get it on desktop is a painful process), im just making lil snippet posts to slowly feed you guys information. As per usual, it’s a long post so all the info will be under the cut

Starting off! Protagonist role is shifted over to Vanessa (Gregory still plays a decently important role story-wise, but he loses his protag rights), the ‘gameplay’ (said like that bc its hypothetical. Im not making a game) being split into two sections: the Dayshift Phase, and the Nightshift Phase.

Dayshift Phase (which is the focus of this post) is very simple in nature, but also the part that I have less specific details for at the moment due to it being less impactful on the overall story.

Essentially, Vanessa spends this phase running a variety of errands and tasks within the Pizzaplex, spread across over the span of a 5 day work week. For obvious reasons. While the majority of tasks come from whoever her higher ups are (the newest ceo of fazent will be revealed in a later post), there are a few oddballs mixed in thanks to the 80’s serial killer that lives inside her head. Because we’re ignoring Mimic in this au. At least for now. William has no physical presence in the rewrite though, he’s moreso haunting the narrative just as much as he’s haunting Vanessa. It’s complicated and I’ll get into the changes in a different posts where I’ll discuss the changes that have been made to the Glitchtrap situation, as well as discuss the other employees mentioned in Help Wanted.

The map itself doesn’t change too much. Glamrock Bonnie gets to live in this au (i needed him alive and present for. Reasons I’ll discuss when I get to the Nightshift Phase) and Glamrock Chica gets an actual, proper attraction, which is a rollerskating rink. Yes this means her feet/talons/whatever-the-term-is double as heelys.

But, to start off, here’s the main gal herself!

Vanessa, obviously, gets the rainbow hair back. Because it was the most iconic part of Vanny before SB came out imo. She’s a bit more of an anxious mess, but I would be too if I was under the psychological influence of a serial killer. Her job pretty much stays the same, now working both dayshift and nightshift at the Pizzaplex. Because in true FazEnt fashion, the employees are not treated fantastically.

She doesn’t like talking about either of the founders for wildly different reasons. William because she’s forced to co-exist with him and he has caused great internal suffering over the past five years (Help Wanted takes place in 2033, whereas Security Breach takes place in 2038, so it’s been a long five years for her), and Henry for reasons I’ve touched up on in the past and will further discuss in a later post.

And without further ado, here is her collection of coworkers! Minus her boss

And essentially all information you see here is all the information I have on them, besides a few minor facts. I won’t state them here partially because it’s an uneven amount of facts between them all and partially because tumblr is now running incredibly slow, however if anyone asks things I can and will answer to the best of my ability. Will I ever figure out the specifics for the dayshift phase’s tasks? Maybe! We’ll see

Anyways that’s all for now, I just wanted to show off the girl of the hour as well as her coworkers before I resumed today’s fnaftober piece because it relates to vanny in the ruin part of the rewrite and giving details for the ruin part before the base game part feels wrong. Alright thats all ty

[nono-bunny]

Genuinely impressed by how realistic Barbie and Her Sisters in a Pony Tale (God that's an unnecessarily long title) is when it comes to horse etiquette, especially when it comes to Stacie

I rode for a good couple of years, so this is probably the first hobby~ movie I've seen from Barbie so far where I actually like,,, know a thing or two about the main subject (pretty much all of the others before it are ballet ones I think, and I never got very far when it came to my dancing lessons lol)

It's really cool watching Stacie fumble her mounting, brushing, and riding (mostly due to poor communication with her horse) and being able to actually SEE what she's doing wrong rather than just being told by the story she is, like! Sure, it's all pretty basic stuff, but it's also clear because of it that the people working on this movie were passionate enough about it to learn how to portray all of that in such a clear way, and that makes it really fun to watch!

Stacie getting up on her horse again after a bad, scary fall is a relatively minor plot-point, but it's still one I personally appreciated a lot- falling from a beast that can crush you in a second is REALLY scary, and getting back up again isn't to be taken for granted! She's shown to be really scared and a bit traumatized by the jump that she fell during, and I like that! It's more than understandable, and I admire her for giving it another shot and learning how to make it work together with her horse! It can be very easy to start to resent your horse after something like that, and she definitely starts off down that route where fear is about to get the better of her, so I'm genuinely happy for her that Barbie helped her past that hurdle. Your first big fall is the scariest and it can very easily cause people to quit altogether, but it's definitely a fear that can be conquered and overcome! I had a real big fall pretty early after I started riding, and it's to date probably one of the most surreal experiences I've ever had in my life, but I had the instructors and other kids there with me in the aftermath, so I got back on and kept riding for years after that! And I still for sure fell again after that, and eventually I did stop riding because for some reason I became scared over time, which honestly, is probably had a lot to do with the fact that I didn't have my own horse and had to switch horses a lot, and it's exhausting when you're constantly having to learn how to handle a new horse... And also that one horse I was paired with for A WHILE that was honestly probably way too small for me because I kept falling forward on her mane (which was highly unpleasant for both of us). Like, fr, horseriding truly is a rich person sport lol, it's so much easier when you just have your own horse that you can form a proper connection with!!! Anywayyy

I love that you can really feel both the stable camaraderie AND the underlying animosity born out of jealousy that, in my experience, at least, was a staple of my horseriding days, like! Everyone is there to have a good time with horses, but at the same time there's a lot of envy towards "the good riders", the ones who participate in all the competitions and are treated a bit like celebrities (and sometimes act like ones because of it), like!! Yeah this Barbie movie 100% nailed the vibe it was going for!! Financial troubles? Horses running away? Those are the sort of things that make everyone band together because ultimately, most everyone just wants these horses to be as safe and comfortable as possible!

I was also really scared they were going to make Etienne the villain so I'm glad he wasn't, even though his fat, scheming, ALSO french brother being the villain is not a much better look, but like... Good for Etienne, I like him, he seems like a good coach who has to deal with a lot of shit and takes it all with grace because he loves his job! I was really happy with the way they showed that Philippe was the outlier in terms of poor sportsmanship and desire to just profit off of horses, and that even his coworkers and family disapprove of his behavior. Like! You can win all the races, but that won't matter to anyone if you're also a nasty person to be around... Those kinds of people are very much still present in the horseriding circuits, but they suck and that kind of behavior is really not acceptable

This movie just?? Really brought me back to those days in the best way possible, it's so much fun and genuinely a good film, and like! For something with that kind of name I was expecting it to be either really boring or really lame (Perfect Christmas is the perfect example, god that one sucked), so it was a really nice treat for it to be especially good! All the sisters got their own neat plots that worked well too, I feel like I was about equally invested in all of them which was great! God, please let the other Barbie&co films be just as good!!

[cantbelieveyouregone]

Level 65 - 5 Years, 5 Months On Testosterone

Well, it's been a hell of a long time since I last did this. Almost like a pandemic happened and made me forget because there were slightly more pressing matters at hand. But it's just past trans day of visibility, so figured I should provide some sort of update here.

First big change since you last saw me do this is that I got top surgery. I'm now about two and a bit years past when it happened, and it wasn't completely smooth sailing. Surgery itself went fine, but I ended up having some of my stitching come out during recovery. That's, like, a whole other story, though. It could take up several paragraphs here. I got the periareolar one done, with my chest being just on the borderline of being too big for it, but I begged them to let me have that one, as it'd always been my preferred one if possible.

I'm still trying to get on the waiting list for bottom surgery, but even trying to get through to the GIC to make progress is a nightmare right now. I don't help my case by being someone who absolutely despises making phone calls, so I only try getting in touch by email. I've asked to be put on the list, twice, but I have not received any confirmation if it's happened. Really wish that I wasn't dependent on this whole GIC system, but here we are.

Besides that, in terms of testosterone changes, things have been pretty stable for a while now. My voice hasn't gotten much deeper for like a good couple years. I am a hairy boy - saw it coming, thanks to having beheld my dad swimming, and seeing that we were three for three in having facial hair among my grandfathers and dad as well.

I am still a very physically weak man. Exercise took a backseat for a lot of the lockdown period of the pandemic, as well as me doing very little exercise post-surgery on surgeon's orders. I've really only started picking it up again relatively recently, after moving out of the house I always take these selfies in (my old room - now my dad's work from home office - still has a mirror in it). I can do only about 15 push-ups before I have to stop for a breather, as my endurance has remained atrocious. I managed to do ten bicep curls in a row per arm with dumbbells weighing 8.5kg each, but I truly just reached that point. I can do like 100 sit ups on a workout bench or 50 on the floor in mostly one go, though. And I can do a plank for like two and a half minutes on a good day. So, y'know, I'm not in terrible shape, but I could be better. I want to do bouldering more regularly, but that requires breaking my existing routine to do so, so I find it hard to go very often. At least me and my flatmate walk in to work some days.

I have gained a noticeable amount of weight, compared to my last update, but that's honestly more to do with the fact that I moved out and got a job. My flatmate works at the same place I do, so we go to work at the same time. So I actually eat breakfast every day because they'd quickly notice if I didn't. Lunch is covered by our work, but it's Deliveroo from select places, so it's not the healthiest stuff we have as options. And dinner, again, flatmate and I get back at the same time and make dinner together most nights. Might not seem like a big deal, but before I had a job and moved out, I regularly slept in and didn't have a proper meal until dinner time. So funnily enough, I'm not surprised jumping from one meal a day to three has caused weight gain.

My mental health is an open question as always. I've described myself as "one thing going wrong away from a mental breakdown", and I still think that's accurate. I'm still on meds for anxiety and depression, and I still feel noticeable effects when I forget to take them. I don't think they're going away any time soon. Top surgery has helped with some of the mental health stuff, since it's one less thing for me to worry about on a daily basis, but... y'know, bottom dysphoria still exists, and it's bad. I did make some friends during university which helped to make things tolerable when I definitely otherwise would've been alone, since I pushed a lot of my high school friends away after I dropped out. I'm not in a relationship, and not only do I have limited desire to be until I learn how to take care of myself better, but I still have no idea what anyone would see in me.

I never know how to end these things. I don't know when I'll next remember to actually do one of these, because it's been a long-ass time since I did it before. Maybe I'll do a more detailed update about my top surgery experience. Maybe the folks that follow me ain't here for this, but if my post makes it across the dashboard or in the search of another person going through it, maybe it'll be helpful.

It's kind of why I started doing this in the first place.

[murmuur-vanilja]

RE: Finland

Some people say we never know we're happy until we lose the happiness. That's a sad perspective on life that might hold a bit of truth, but that truth is not inherent to the so-called "human condition", I don't think so. Rather, you might call it a reflection of how the society I live in has overglorified being absent from the present. Waiting on and on for a future that doesn't come, longing on a past that barely was here. In fact, there is something radical to claiming back the free use of your time; resting is revolutionary. So are my introducing thoughts to this open letter I write as I sit in a plane back to my birth country. It isn't somewhere that I'm particularly attached to politically, nor in terms of identity. In fact, as a black person born in Europe and detached from what I consider my culture, I've often felt lost. I thank internet for meeting some people who, although not from the culture I consider my own, showed me a lot about an identity that feels more like home. I feel closer to being at peace, and yet that means I'm angrier than ever. I suppose these are two elements that create an ongoing fight in terms of transmisogynoir; love and rage, radical and pushing against an oppressive policing, both feelings connecting us to years of history.

And so I went to college abroad. Although most people around me might think this has been a negative experience, and that I couldn't wait to go back to somewhere that feels more familiar, I would have to nuance the take. Of course, I've been through literal trauma as I "won" an entirely new phobia, and of course, we could talk about the pitiful state of the apartment I rented, of the sheer amount of whiteness and xenophobia that was seriously aggressive in the way that I couldn't even access to most things, and we could talk about the lack of communication, and we could talk about the racist landlord, and we could mention how the situation of systemic ableism and racism made me unable to care for my neighbour who seemed to be stuck in a home she didn't belong in, and we could mention all of that. But that's not all there has been, although all of that is more than enough to rightfully give in to anger. And so I went to college abroad. I still hate school, in personal ways, yes, but also because we need to abolish it along education [as the unredeemable concept that it is]. Still, currently forced to live one way or another, I appreciate how I manage to hang on. I shouldn't have to, but there is eventually this mixed feeling of pride about survival. "I did it." It would've been easier for somebody else, could've barely been an accomplishment for some people I resent, and would've been impossible for other people I'm closer to. And that's not to say I'm a special individual; it's barely an acknowledgement that under current conditions, there are possibilities that simply don't exist. I'm happy I'm doing well enough not to have to worry as much as some of my friends, and yet I grieve the thought. There are good aspects to the way uni worked here. I was freer in my essays, and those were my very first, I believe. I realised once again and further how much we'd like me not to write what I write. They'd want me to abandon the communities I've been longing for, and finding bits and pieces of on Twitter, making me feel closer to home. They'd want me to say we're wrong, to elevate me into a true academic; to appeal to the white leftist. And so I wrote, but I wrote that they were wrong. I wrote of psychiatric abuse, and I wrote of African genders, and I wrote of intersex liberation, and I wrote of youth oppression. Some didn't like it. For most, I even had to tame my own speech without conceding too much. One called me out on a lack of "proper sources": but academia is white, and there is an ongoing effort for "proper" (i.e. "academically acceptable", i.e. classism that necessarily intersects with everything else) sources to be regulated in dominating ways. Still, I was freer to write, and some appreciated it. I want to keep going that way. I'll make it hard for myself, and I know how I could make it easier and "succeed". But I don't want to succeed; success as we know it is lonely and a betrayal. No, I want to be a failure together. Maybe that's how I'd describe my idea of practising anarchy. Let's be losers, as they call it, because the cores hidden behind those things they discourage are based. Let's be childish, let's be fools. Mostly, it isn't so much that Finland taught me something, rather than it was a context that triggered something in me. My fiction writing started changing too. I used to know what I wanted to write, without knowing what I wanted to give. I know now. I want to give hope and I want to create seeds of radicalism. I can't force people to take them in and water them. I can't, and I don't want to: I've grown because I was challenged, not because I was worshipped. I'm a weird guy treated as a subhuman subject of experiments who can barely exists "IRL"; semi-verbal, still masks in face of eugenism, low physical strength. So I know I won't be the guy who shoots a brick at the government and burns it down. But those are not the only people we need, and that's why we should have each other too. I'll be somewhere else. I'm only at ease with drama [theatre] and writing. Although I'm sincere when I play, it's a role, and role doesn't have to be negative here. So I want to play teaching without being a teacher [without the authority of school, as much as possible]. And I want to write and write, both in uni and in fiction; I want to make that knowledge accessible and unapologetic. I am working on fiction projects, and I genuinely think they're going somewhere good, and every day contributes to shaping it better. I don't want us to ever shut the fuck up. I've grown. And I still grow. That's why I'll never be a grown-up, I don't have that kind of oppressive pretentiousness. Unfortunately, that also means it gets harder sometimes. I'm sorry, I can't be happy about half-accomplishments for the queern't whities we obtained well over 50 years ago any more. I don't long for a past that was never there to begin with now. I'm sorry, I can't be happy about assimilationism any more. I don't long for a future where I betray everyone and will most likely still die because I could never actually be assimilated. There are many things I want to do once I touch land again, in about two hours as I write this. One thing is sure, I'm happier than I ever was, and I want to acknowledge it right now, not after becoming unhappy. But do know that it's not greediness when I say I want more. No, it's our rights, and I'm tired of waiting to be nicely handed them. I'm happy, but not satisfied. Thanks to everyone who has ever been present in my life and influenced me for the better. Thanks to those who are currently here. Today, I smile as I go through clouds and see the sun shine, and yet, may tomorrow the sun be shinier.

June 6th. 8:33-9:32 PM.

[finchesout]

wow it's been a while

It's probably been over a year (or close to) since I decided I would make this a space for blog esque public journal posts (mainly about my creative projects. Since then, I have written a total of one (1!!) posts. Oh well, might as well keep adding to the currently abysmal pile.

Since that last post I have started uni, worked as an actual professional theatre technician (OH MY GOD) and gone on many an adventure, so I thought I'd update again.

Corpse Doctor

Well... I haven't touched it in a long time. I think about it every day, though. Something about this project feels so daunting. It feels like if I try and work on it in the writer's blocky space I am currently in, then I'll ruin it somehow. I know that is not the case. I know first drafts are not perfect. However, it is still hard to come to terms with the fact that it is so... big. I will return to you soon, my love. But for now I have school work to attend to.

roman saints (filler title)

Now this one I have been making progress on! Learning more about the theatrical creative process the past little bit has been incredibly helpful to this silly computer show (as has the never stopping slightly horrifying progress of AI that I am forced to confront every day of my internet life). This feels like such a more realistic project to get out into the world soon. People might actually see this show soon, which is an exciting thought.

Carnival Skies (filler title)

New project. Many thoughts. More will come soon about this project I'm sure. Steampunk. Whimsy. Planes. Yes.... many ideas, many plans.

In other news I have indeed been making progress in the theatrical space. Besides my work back home as a techie, I have started to branch out into different things at uni. I accomplished my first makeup and hair design role, which was so much fun! The most exciting thing at the moment though is an interview I have coming up for my first (proper) light design gig. Wish me luck little people in my phone.

-A

[ritualcaster]

Ok so its 2 am and ive been thinking (recipe for disaster, i know) should I message the friend that kicked me from the group chat and blocked me?

('Read more' seperator in case you don't want to read about sappy stuff or give advice)

(Im going to spout a lot, classified as a vent post but i really want advice)

I'm thinking through it to figure it out and its not working so im gonna lay out the facts

(With complimentary + or - for decision)

We've been best friends for 2 years, friends for 5, and known each other for 7, and known of each other for 14.

Around 9/17 she began texing drier and responding less, the change is slow.

On 9/19 I said "Im ngl its 4 am and im scrolling throigh our messages trying to figure out if its just anxiety or we're getting more distant" she responded with "NOOOOOO!! DONT REREAD PAST MESSAGES PAST 8 PM!! YOUR LIFE IS IN GRAVE DANGEERR!!" Which is actually a direct copy paste of a message i sent to her about a similar situation.

On 9/20 we had 3 seperate long winded text conversations, and a 30 minute call, we have not called each other since.

On 9/21 she responded "with probably not today, sorry" after i asked if she wanted to get on and do anything, she then proceeded to message me about a million times over the following 4 hours, these conversations included a message i sent asking "Why dont you respond to my tiktoks. Do you hate me." (As a joke (i can see how it did NOT come off that way), however she had actually stopped responding to the videos i sent her about 3 days before. I sent many with no responses within those 3 days)

On 9/23 I messaged one with a photo asking to do a trio pfp (i did a few trio pfps with her and her boyfriend, then i started editing myself into two of their duo pfps as a running gag. Definitely stepped a line there it seems.) She didn't respond, so I stopped messaging her and sending tiktoks to give her a bit of space.

On 9/24 I sent a few messages, "I sent you so many videos in a row" she responded "ill watch them eventually" I responded "Just block me so my sufferijg can be ended" (as a joke, i felt our friendship was much more unshakeable than it was. I passed off most of these signs as anxiety.) I sent a few messages about games we both played recently, and the last message i sent was at 6:25.

An hour after this, She blocked me on everthing, and kicked me from the gc.

Ok so thats bassically everything that happened over the 5 days up until she blocked me, its a little crazy that im searching through it like this but for a 4 year long friendship it feels warranted

In general the day up until she blocked me i tried to probe about what was wrong in a comedic way, with deadpan affirming responses, or no response at all.

Even after running through it all, it still seems super mixed.

Only reason im debating messaging her at all is because

1. We were talking just an hour before, dryly, but definitely

2. I said "Just block me so my sufferijg can be ended" 2 hours before.

Both of those make this seem a little if not very impulsive, also, this feels like a boundaries issue, which can definitely be solved with proper communication and an open mind.

I also feel like i want to at least get to 'awkward..' terms with her, that way i can rejoin the gc with minimal violence/hard feelings

I can still message her on steam, which she didn't unfriend or block me on, even after I messaged her there. I've also been playing on steam over the 8 days since the blockening, so shes seen me get on (it gives a notif to all your active friends when you play a game) and still hasn't blocked me.

The message on steam was "I can take a hint, ill stop messaging you, but I'm still here, I'm still just a call away"

VERY cringe, but i was emotional. bite me.

So it might be weird to message her now and go back on that, especially if its on the same platform.... ugh....

[cptn-m]

The One Piece Rewrite Project volume 3

Hey crew, it's break week, so let's have another One Piece Rewrite Project release.

Read volume 3 here!

I expected to reconcile inconsistencies created by old translations when I started this, but here I was surprised to be confronted by inconsistent-feeling things that seem to have come from Oda himself.

When was the last time you guys looked back at Nami's initial breakdown of the world map in chapter 22? It doesn't actually hold up spectacularly, does it? Every old translation agrees that she says there are two oceans in the world, divided by the Red Line. While the Grand Line is mentioned, I guess because it's still sea it's not presented as something that divides the oceans the same way. Plus, Marie Geoise is very understatedly presented as the "town at the centre of the Red Line."

In fact, all the way through to chapter 51, the current location is referred to only as the "Eastern Sea." It's only when Mihawk restates the layout of the globe in that chapter that the furigana providing the "East Blue" reading is added (similar to how Rafteru got "Laugh Tale" furigana to provide its correct reading after decades) and the first mentions of northern and southern seas are made. If you look closely at the old translations of that section, you can see one of Krieg's epithets change from "Tyrant of the Eastern Sea" to "Tyrant of the East Blue" in real time around the new reading Mihawk provides.

Was the series softly retconned from having two seas to four within its first year? Maybe Oda always wanted four but wasn't sure he should commit that hard until things really started to pick up at the Baratie.

Anyway how does a modern rewriter reconcile chapter 22's initial suggestion of two seas with what we know now, without feeling like he's totally changing what Oda put in the speech bubbles initially?

Here's old and (proof of concept for) new:

Despite the number 2 existing in the raw text for the first bubble, it's cut here so Nami doesn't arbitrarily limit the number of seas. The two fingers she's holding up can still work as a gesture for counting off eastern and western as she mentions them.

I emphasise what the globe shows of the Grand Line's position by adding that it creates another division.

And yes, Marie Geoise is a bit more accurately built up as well. There was no way it wasn't at least going to be upgraded from a town to a city, and I don't think "capital city" is too much of a leap from 'city at the heart of...' And it tracks with Nami's education and upbringing that she would know this and use the proper terms, her mother figure having been a World Government Marine alongside her own passion for cartography.

She also uses it as a starting point for the second line without preamble, giving the impression that she sees it as assumed knowledge that there's a city up there in a key location, which it would be for most of the world.

I use my knowledge of being 27 years further ahead in the story than past translators to subtract a limiter, add an emphasiser and massage a description to make things fit better without feeling like I'm going totally off the original script.

Little nudges to the wording can create big changes in connotations and worldbuilding. It's not just the big, crowd-pleasing Zolo to Zoro fixes I want to see in a One Piece re-issue, it's things like this.

(I was kinda counting on the usual three weeks on, one week off schedule when I had the idea of making this a break week thing, so if the two on, one off pacing continues, we'll just see how long I manage to stay ahead.)